#and returning to my roots of drawing characters as cats

[wyvernquill]

“I will see you in the year of Our Lord 1489, then!”

“Friendship. I think you’re lonely.”

---

Some quick and dirty Aristocats AU(?) screenshot redraws inspired by this post by @fishfingersandscarves (and @10moonymhrivertam​‘s tags on it)!

[trungles]

Processing Process, and More Processing

I made this post free and publicly readable on Patreon, but I'm reposting the whole thing right here too because, well, it's a free post, and I don't want to make you click away from your dashboard if you don't need to. But also if you want to support my work, here's the link to the post.

It's a little bit about cartooning, a little bit about drawing, and then it turns into a eulogy for a chicken.

I wrote “process” more than once, and now the word looks funny and is beginning to lose its meaning to me.

This post is about a few things, and it’s a little bit on the sad end of things. Nothing dire! No worries. There’s just a little mention of death, just as a heads up.

Before we get to that, though, I’ve been doing some work and had some thoughts.

I’m often asked about how I draw the noodle hair on my characters, and the answer is typically that I draw each and every line with my hand. But there are considerations of movement and volume that go into it beyond its texturally decorative purposes. I love being able to convey shape and motion with it. It’s less evident, I think, in my illustration work, but I think it’s much more obvious when I do sequential work. In the above image, you can see me working out a sequence of Angelica having a series of thoughts. Her head sort of moves, and her eyes follow. You can see I’d planned out the general shape of the hair and how I’d like it to move.

I wound up moving the drawings a little bit so that the readers eyes will actually follow the character’s eyes as it moves gently rightward on the page. The hair is there to accentuate the movement, like so:

It’s a consideration I employ in all my drawings, but especially when I’m drawing hair and fabric. I don’t use a lot of action lines, so this becomes an important way to give the reader the information that someone is moving through a space. Resistance, gravity, and motion are all things I have to keep in the back of my head when I’m doing these little drawings. I think the planning actually takes more time than the inking, which can happen pretty quickly once I map it all out.

In other news, I’m starting to take my extracurricular artistic development a little more seriously in the silliest way possible.

You wouldn’t know it, but I studied painting college—a medium I switched to after the printmaking professor and head of the Art Department at the time told me I probably shouldn’t be an artist (he gave me a hard candy for my trouble). I recently bought a bunch of little dolls, dressed them up, and am returning to my painting roots. It feels really nice to work in big blobs of color instead of lines. It’s an exercise I came up with in response to a common lament from art students.

One of the more aggravating generational tensions described to me by art school students is when professors describe a student’s portfolio as “too anime” without much explanation. I know what the professor means. They’re trying to get at how referencing your favorite anime or cartoons means that your style becomes a simulacrum, an imperfect copy of a copy, and you never learn to develop your own sense of judgment about where a line or a shape needs to go. And we can tell. It’s a way of working that is perfectly fine for cartooning because cartooning is closer to hand-writing than it is to drawing. I always turn to Charles Schulz’s work for an example. Those figures aren’t literally depicting children—with their little chessboard-pawn proportions and bread-loaf feet—but we read them as endearing children because we’ve come to a consensus between us, the readers, and Charles Schulz, the author, that those shapes mean those things. There are no whiskers or paws in the shape of the word “CAT” but you look at those three letters together, and you know the thing to which it refers. That’s an aspect of cartooning, too. Of course, what elevates it from mere writing is, in part, due to the fact that those little figures do not lose their meaning the more you depict them.

To really draw well, though, you have to do those fundamentals. You have to draw from life. There’s no way around it. It helps you develop a stronger sense of where you like to lay down your lines and shapes, no matter how stylized you like to work. It grows your judgment, and every artist’s best tool is their own well-honed sense of artistic discernment about their own work.

But that doesn’t mean you have to surrender the stuff you like or the things that inspire you to make art! I tell students that if they want to hold fast to their anime style AND hone their fundamentals to develop their eye as an artist, they should buy little figurines and toys of their favorite characters, prop those up against a light source, and draw them as still life objects. Like, yes, do the vases and the figure drawings and all those, I still think those are important. But if this is what you need to keep you interested in drawing from life, having some toys around is a great way to do it! Also, bless those sculptors and toy designers. They’re the best.

I think there’s something to be said about remembering to imagine the physicality of the things we draw, in all its dimensions and in the way it catches the light or casts a shadow. It helps sentimentalize things, too. Makes them feel more real, even emotionally.

Edwina died on Tuesday night, after a few final snuggles, surrounded by her favorite treats. She was about five years old, which is old for a chicken, and she had a very comfortable life. We buried her this morning. She was a good hen, J’s personal favorite.

It really feels like the end of an era. She was the last surviving member of our very first flock. After the other hens died, she really seemed to prefer the company of people over other hens. She is survived by Snooki and Nelly, our two other young birds who get along quite well together, actually.

A baby chick costs between three and five American dollars, typically. An egg-laying hen could be between twenty and fifty bucks, depending on the breed. There are roughly 26 billion chickens living in the world today, about 518 million of them here in the United States. They come pretty cheap. And a part of me was moved to cynicism, entertaining the thought that it might be strange to feel sadly over a little animal that, at most, might be roughly equivalent to the price of a fancy lunch and a coffee.

I watched the 1974 musical version of The Little Prince recently, and I remember it mostly because Bob Fosse was in it and scared the crap out of me as a kid—he played the snake that would take the Little Prince back into the sky when his body gets too heavy to take with him. Gene Wilder plays the Fox whom the Little Prince befriends and tames among a garden of roses. The Fox explains that he is like any other fox in the world, but he is changed—made special and particular to the Little Prince—with time, effort, and patience. So, too, is the Prince’s little flower special to him. Out of all the flowers in the universe, she was the one he watered and protected under a little glass jar. And that’s enough.

I knew my little hen would not live that long. It could be very easy to take a broad view of the life expectancy of a hen and distance myself from it by virtue of its mortality and its commonness. People who raise livestock do it all the time. But I also think it’s wonderful that we should all be capable of loving very small, very brief little things. Edwina is not, to my mind, the rough equivalent of a fancy lunch and a coffee. She was our little hen. For her whole life, she was ours. And I’m so happy she was here.

[katiek101]

I would pay good money for you to just ramble about the potential of Breeze/Mouse

Okay so I've written for both of these characters a few times before and I've got a really good grasp on (my interpretation) of them individually, so pairing them together, it's easy? Like you wouldn't think they make sense but in my head they do.

I'm a Taylor Swift girlie so I put everything in Taylor Swift terms, and there's this saying "every Mirrorball person needs their The Archer person" AND THAT IS MOUSEWHISKER AND BREEZEPELT.

Mousewhisker is the mirrorball. He doesn't have a single enemy but he also doesn't have a single friend who truly knows him. He's not Clan-born, his parents are the farthest things from warriors, and if you recall Daisy actually leaves the Clan and returns to Smokey/the barn after initially joining ThunderClan because she has (very valid) concerns, and even though Mouse/Hazel/Berry are kits when that happens, I would think that joining/then leaving/then returning to ThunderClan would further magnify the fact that they aren't Clan-born. And that's something they're all three insecure about but they deal with it in different ways; for Mousewhisker, he doesn't want to draw any more attention to that fact ever again. He doesn't want to remind anyone that he was born a kittypet, destined for a life of laziness in that barn across the territory.

That corresponds with a deep longing to be accepted and loved; as an apprentice, Mousepaw is constantly reinventing himself to be whatever makes others like him more. He makes lists inside his head where he notes what Spiderleg likes; what makes Honeypaw laugh; what Longtail's favorite fresh-kill is; what will trigger a sharp word from Sandstorm; and he lives his life according to these lists; according to who he is sharing tongues with; according to what patrol he is put on; switching out different aspects of himself trying to be the most loveable and acceptable version to everyone at all times.

He lives like this for so long that it becomes a habit and he doesn't really even think about it. He's hunting with Cloudtail and so he adapts a dryer sense of humor and sets to work; he's sharing tongues with Icecloud and so he lets her do most of the talking; he's picking Mousefur's ticks and he's extremely respectful and doesn't make small talk. And that's how everyone functions to an extent but Mousewhisker is constantly worried that he's going to slip up and say the wrong thing and suddenly everyone will look at him and be reminded that he's different, that he's not Clan-born, that he's unloveable, and he's going to shatter into a million pieces and nobody is going to care enough to pick him up and put him back together.

(These deep-rooted fears are not what would actually happen, obviously, but they're deep-rooted.)

(Side note: Mousewhisker could never fully figure out Hollyleaf. He could change himself to fit perfectly against anyone's side except for hers. He could become her friend but not her best friend and it's one of the reasons why he was so stuck on her.)

Breezepelt is more similar than you might think. He has his own deep-rooted insecurities and he also puts on a front around his Clanmates. Breezepelt always seems angry and so that's what his Clanmates assume he is; Breezepelt isn't angry, but he doesn't know how to communicate these emotions and it does manifest into frustration which can lead to anger. Over time his default emotion does become anger, he is very easily irritable, but that's not what he wants to be. After so long he just doesn't know how to be any other way. And instead of changing everything about himself to please everyone around him (like Mousewhisker) he instead shoves everyone away because at least if he's the one doing the shoving, then he's in control of it. Cats can't hurt him because he doesn't let them close enough to hurt him. If he let cats in, if he tried to please them and they still didn't like him, then that would mean... things he doesn't think about.

This does, obviously, subconsciously stem from Crowfeather and Nightcloud's dysfunctional relationship and all of the rumors surrounding his parents and their pasts, and the anxiety it caused him when he was young.

(Side note: Heathertail can read Breezepelt better than anyone. They have this secret language where he can wear all of his anger and she understands that he's not angry, he's hurt, and she tries to work on that. And Breezepelt loves her so much for it, but that love jeopardizes their entire friendship every time it comes up, and then Breezepelt (like Mousewhisker) believes he must be unloveable if even Heathertail, who knows him better than anyone else, does not love him. And he shoves her away. And every time he does it, it takes her longer to decide to force her way back into his life.)

So where does that leave us?

Two cats who crave unconditional love and acceptance and who struggle to believe that they will ever earn it.

One tom who keeps meticulous lists in his head so that he can switch aspects of his own personality out whenever he needs to in order to be loved. This is Mousewhisker, tell him what you want him to become and he will become it for you.

One tom who has convinced himself that he doesn't care about being loved or accepted, he doesn't care what anyone thinks about him. He doesn't try to be someone he's not in order to win others over, as a matter of fact, he makes sure to give them plenty of reasons to dislike him. This is Breezepelt, take him or leave him.

There needs to be a catalyst to push them together because they have no reason to be initially drawn to each other (except for the fact that Breezepelt looks like Hollyleaf, if you go down that route). Whatever the catalyst is, Mousewhisker is going to be the one to immediately try to make peace. And while Breezepelt might be irritated with him at first, he won't literally force Mousewhisker to leave him alone, and no one can resist Mousewhisker's (very practiced) charm for long.

Where they go from there depends on the situation, honestly! But I see the potential because ultimately they both crave the same things even if one of them is too emotionally constipated to admit it.

Mousewhisker is easy to like but more than that, he needs everyone to like him, so he's not going to leave Breezepelt alone until he succeeds. Breezepelt is not going to put up as much resistance as you might think.

As for what draws Mousewhisker into Breezepelt? Aside from the surface-level stuff (he's quite handsome once you get past his scowl, and he's got an incredibly dry sense of humor if you're into that (which Mousewhisker is)), Mousewhisker admires how Breezepelt is able to stand up for his own self no matter who it's against, and he even admires how Breezepelt doesn't care what others think about him. Mousewhisker couldn't relate to anything less, lol.

If both Mousewhisker and Breezepelt had gone to the Tribe as apprentices? Breezepelt would have fallen hard.

I see it being one of those tropes where one character is determined to make the other one laugh... and the other one has a stone-cold poker face but is thoroughly charmed.

The fact that they're in different Clans is obviously their biggest obstacle, and I'm obsessed with the idea that Breezepelt has resented Crowfeather for being so weak that he ran off with the ThunderClan medicine cat... only to then find himself wanting to run away with a ThunderClan warrior. It writes itself.

Realistically I don't see either warrior agreeing to join the other's Clan, and I don't see Mousewhisker wanting to give up on being a warrior and agreeing to run away ala a Crow/Leaf. So I'm afraid they might not be a couple who gets a happy ending... but that's what fanfic is for!

[t00thpasteface]

I saw fish posts, blacked out, and came too having scrolled as deeply into your blog as I could. I know nothing about the characters u post about but I've accepted they're going to become staples of my dash from now on because I'm a fiend for some good fish illustrations akskgjdj

(✿◠‿◠) thank you, i'm so glad people like my fish so much!!

i've always felt a little guilty about not doing enough original art... especially since i have so many relatives who are/were such brilliant, inspired artists and have so much amazing original work in their portfolios. being known as a Fish Guy is NOT how i expected my foray into original art to pan out, especially because if anything i've always been a Dinosaur Guy and to a lesser extent a Cat Guy, but it's really interesting and i'm certainly not complaining. and yknow, my earliest memories are catching catfish with my dad, so it's not completely out of left field, and it's really heartwarming to feel like i'm returning to those roots.

my 54 Fish series is for a school project, and once it's done i'm looking forward to drawing even moar fish. it's a shame i'm drawing that series so.... rigidly, for lack of a better term, but it's an unfortunate necessity to help familiarize myself with the subtle anatomical differences within families and genera. i'll definitely be revisiting my faves in the future to give them much more glamorous illustrations... i'm especially fascinated with the carangids!

thanks again for the ask!!!

[annarellix]

World Running Down by Al Hess

Valentine Weis is a salvager in the future wastelands of Utah. Wrestling with body dysphoria, he dreams of earning enough money to afford citizenship in Salt Lake City – a utopia where the testosterone and surgery he needs to transition is free, the food is plentiful, and folk are much less likely to be shot full of arrows by salt pirates. But earning that kind of money is a pipe dream, until he meets the exceptionally handsome Osric.

Once a powerful AI in Salt Lake City, Osric has been forced into an android body against his will and sent into the wasteland to offer Valentine a job on behalf of his new employer – an escort service seeking to retrieve their stolen androids. The reward is a visa into the city, and a chance at the life Valentine’s always dreamed of. But as they attempt to recover the “merchandise”, they encounter a problem: the android ladies are becoming self-aware, and have no interest in returning to their old lives. The prize is tempting, but carrying out the job would go against everything Valentine stands for, and would threaten the fragile found family that’s kept him alive so far. He’ll need to decide whether to risk his own dream in order to give the AI a chance to live theirs.

Book page: https://angryrobotbooks.com/books/world-running-down/

My Review: When I read the plot I thought it should have been a sort of dystopia with hard characters and a androids/AI rebellion. I was wrong: it’s a story set in a world that is not very different from the one we live in with a cast of sweet and intriguing characters. It’s poignant, sweet, moving and gripping. It made me smile and cry, I rooted for Valentine and Oscric and hope in a HEA like I was reading a romantic novel. Valentine is well rounded and lovely character: he’s fighting to read his goal but he’s never bitter or harsh. There’s a lot of sufferance, there’s moving representation of dysphoria but this character has no chip on his shoulder. Oscric is the Stewart AI that was forced into an android body. A funny and complex character I loved since I met him. The author is a very talented storyteller and deliver a cast of well-developed characters, a tightly knitted plot and a complex world building. I would happy to meet again these characters, I will surely read other books by this author. Strongly recommended. Many thanks to Angry Robots and Netgalley for this ARC, all opinions are mine

The Author: Al Hess is the author of the self-published post-apocalyptic Travelers series and the 1930s flavoured dystopian series, Hep Cats of Boise.  When not hunched before a computer screen, Al can be found at his art desk. He does portraits in both pencil and oil paint, and loves drawing fellow authors’ characters nearly as much as his own. He writes cozy and uplifting stories with queer, trans, and neurodiverse representation.

Facebook: alhessauthor Twitter: @_AlHess Instagram: @alhess_artist/

[uptoolateart]

Facing the Shadow

So, anyone who’s following me will know by now that I’m obsessed with Jungian archetypes, and I keep applying them to Miraculous (and every other story I enjoy). We see these aspects or character types in every story that resonates – that’s why they’re archetypes. And a key archetype that Carl Jung identified was the Shadow.

The idea of the Shadow can briefly explained as: everything you don’t want to face and accept about yourself. Some might describe it as your ‘dark side’, but it doesn’t have to be anything bad. To give a personal example, I really don’t like people who are too controlling – it puts me off big time. But I’ve lived long enough now, and read enough, to realise it’s because I’m a bit controlling. I don’t like being faced with that aspect of myself. And my control issues stem from ingrained insecurities that cause me to fear being out of control. Thankfully, I’m better with this now than I was when I was younger, because I have come to learn that the only way to heal and make personal progress is to accept your Shadow…and work with it.

Similarly, my eldest son and I have locked horns more times than I can count, over the years, and it eventually hit me that part of the problem was that we are just so similar! We went through a long time of pushing away the very qualities that we each have ourselves. In other words, we were trying to push away our Shadows. But since we have come to see that it came from our similarities rather than our differences, we get on great.

So. Miraculous. What jumps out at me most is Adrien, and all his Shadows. And if I seem to have an Adrien obsession – I do – because he just reminds me so much of me, when I was his age. I’m rooting for him soooo much, because I just get what he’s going through, and I can’t wait to see him break free like I did.

I think Adrien’s Shadow is represented in four different characters in the show. There are so many that it’s impossible not to want to explore them – so here we go!

Cat Blanc

This is maybe the most obvious. I think the way Hawk Moth’s power works is to bring out everyone’s Shadow side. It’s kind of like when people get really drunk. I don’t personally think you can blame hostile or even violent behaviour on having too much alcohol – it was something you were suppressing while sober, and it came out when your inhibitions were down. After all, you get plenty of drunk people who just act funny or get droopy. Similarly, I believe when the akuma strikes, it taps into something you were already feeling, draws it out of you and exaggerates it. You’re giving in to your Shadow.

So, in my mind, Cat Blanc is already within Adrien. That’s his Shadow, in a big way. Ladybug saved him – but note the way the cleansed akuma returned to him at the end. That’s never happened to anyone else. Cat Noir looked surprised, but then caught the butterfly in both hands and examined it with a private smile. Just what did that mean?

I think it was a sign that although Ladybug rescued him that time, the problem remains, and his repressed Shadow side still lurks within. Cat Blanc could come out again, given the right set of circumstances. And we see glimpses of it in his temper tantrums – for instance, in ‘Sentibubbler’ when he smashes down a wall with his staff. And keep that image in mind, because we’ll come back to that later.

I mean, Adrien has such a split personality. It’s hard to equate him with Cat Noir. With the total change in hair, even, I often find it hard to believe they’re the same character. The voice actors do a brilliant job of expressing him as two people.

I will be fascinated to see Adrien act more like Cat Noir, while being Adrien. For instance, post-reveal I’d love to see him in Marinette’s bedroom, with all the kwamis gushing over him, like, ‘Ooh, is this Cat Noir???’ and him coyly flirting with them and making bad jokes – as Adrien. I can’t even picture it – but I want it! Because we got Cat acting like Adrien, at the end of ‘Strike Back’, but we haven’t seen it the other way round.

So, Cat Blanc is his Shadow, and part of Adrien’s journey is to face Cat Blanc (metaphorically speaking) and integrate him, accepting that it’s okay to be angry or depressed sometimes, as long as you don’t let it consume you. A Shadow is only bad if it’s all you are.

Felix

Also a little obvious, bearing in mind how much they look alike. Felix is the free-spirited Adrien – so free-spirited that he’s unscrupulous. I feel like Adrien needs a little bit of Felix in him…but Felix needs a bit of Adrien. You don’t want to be a pushover, but you also don’t want to be selfish and immoral. Felix is currently totally out for himself, while Adrien is passionately selfless.

But bearing in mind that it seems Gabriel was controlling both boys with the twin rings, we can infer that they are two sides of the same coin, and Felix is a Shadow aspect of Adrien. Again, he needs to face up to Felix once and for all…and also accept some aspects of him, and maybe even integrate them within himself (i.e. get more backbone), in order to be whole.

Gabriel

We’ll go back to that ‘Sentibubbler’ example. A few minutes after Cat Noir smashes down a wall with his stick, we see Shadow Moth smash a wall with his cane. I am certain this is purposeful, to show similarities that perhaps neither of them want to acknowledge. Both of them are prone to these violent fits of frustration when they feel out of control of a situation. And by the way – Shadow Moth.

Now, obviously Adrien is miles better than Gabriel! But he’s his son – he has to have learned or inherited some traits from him. Adrien’s temper could also have come from his mother, if Gabriel is to be believed in ‘Simon Says’. However, we see the parallels with Gabriel from time to time.

Another example is in ‘Glaciator 2.0’ when Adrien realises he’s in danger of ending up just like his father, stuck on one person and unable to move on with his life or accept reality. Hurrah for Adrien, because he recognises it and vows not to be like that. And we really do see him change. I’m 38 and I know plenty of grown adults who have never had this moment of epiphany. They are still trying to resolve old family conflicts through their relationships with others, and failing at it. They are caught in cycles of misery. Adrien’s revelation in that episode is no small thing. It’s actually a huge achievement and one that really moved me, when I first watched it.

I suppose the point, though, is that it’s not enough for Adrien just to write off his father. He needs to see the aspects of his father that live within him, and accept them. And I’d say those aspects are probably embodied in Cat Blanc.

At the same time, he needs to identify the aspects of his father that he doesn’t want to embody, and leave those behind. Accepting the Shadow side doesn’t mean accepting awful things you do. It means acknowledging what we don’t like to admit about ourselves, and taking positive steps to change those things, whilst accepting that we’re only human and not perfect. It’s okay not to be perfect.

You hear me, Adrien? You’re not perfect, and that’s okay!

Kagami

Maybe this is less obvious – you tell me. But I’m currently learning Japanese (very early days, as at this writing), and I recently learned that ‘kagami’ means ‘mirror’. Oooh, I can’t tell you how excited I got. My eyes actually watered. I am such a nerd.

Pretty much every name on that show has significance, perhaps this one most of all. Kagami is Adrien’s reflection. This is why they were never going to work out as a couple – they’re just too similar. (I even wonder if she’s a sentimonster, but that’s a subject for another day.)

When Adrien looks at Kagami, he’s seeing what it looks like to be totally controlled by your parent and unable to think or make decisions for yourself. He connected with it, at first, but being with her romantically would be like sinking too much into your Shadow. There’s acceptance, and then there’s just downright wallowing – and wallowing isn’t good.

In ‘Risk’, Kagami called Adrien and reflected back to him what was happening. She forced him to take a good long look at himself and make positive steps to change. We saw these first steps at the end of ‘Strike Back’, when he finally took a stand and learned to shine in his power of kindness (I truly believe that’s a super-power). Go, Adrien!

So, the Shadow. We often fear it, but we don’t need to. There’s a tendency to make it into something bigger than it is. But as in A Nightmare on Elm Street, if we look these things in the face, they shrink, and then one day we wonder why they used to overwhelm us like that.

It can be scary to face up to the things we don’t like about ourselves, and scary to do the work needed to change those things – but it feels like such a weight off your chest when you do. There is something beautifully freeing about saying, ‘I do this thing and it’s irritating’ – and then working on it. It helps us identify the source of a lot of our anxieties and then tackle those, too.

I look forward to the day Adrien faces up to all that bottled up rage and says, ‘I’m a total pushover – and I’m done with it!’

Come on, Adrien – you can do it!

[ankhisms]

returning to my roots of warrior cats by drawing kamen rider characters as fluffy cats with eyelashes

[paint-duck]

I know I've been really silent on this account, and I know some people do look out for my posts. But to be honest I've been having an extremely difficult time recently, so making art let alone posting it has been so taxing. But I thank all my followers and friends for their patience

My art has completely changed in the time I've been gone, and have returned to cartoony and simple roots. And to be honest art for me hasn't been fun since highschool, and I don't think its so much depression or motivation but rather I've been so restricted, people have become used to the way I draw and the type of stuff I try to create but it was all shallow imitations of things I just liked at the time. My art style was inconsistent, and even though I think that time has allowed me to study things like color and anatomy, it just wasn't fun. And now recently I'm actually having fun, I enjoy what I make. But now it's all so personal, I want to make comics about my school experiences and my life, I've barely got the courage to show it to my friends let alone hundreds of online strangers.

Just this year, I got covid around my birthday, I've gotten an opposite shift schedule to my mother, I've gotten my first ever job. My mom almost died due to a hernia wrapping around her intestines and cutting off blood to the rest of her organs. She had to get an emergency surgery and she almost died a few times. She recovered really fast surprisingly, but now I never see her due to our jobs. My job doesn't respect me, I actually love what I do but the people make it awful. My cat of 9 years was hit by a car, and died a few hours later, and then my job attempted to write me up for missing work because of it. And thats just the beginning of all of it. At the same time I've had good memories, but I feel like I'm doing where I'm supposed to be. And only recently has my art been fun for me. But what if others don't like the simplicity or the characters or me.

I guess I just want a break. I want to be open and honest with my art, I want to be happy.

My art makes mehappy, so I guess ill just keep doing that.

[multi-lefaiye]

[Image Description: A screenshot of drawings of two feline characters. In the top of the image is a pale grey cat with a fluffy mane and a skinny tail, with lighter grey around her neck, on her paws, and on the tip of her tail. This character is labeled as Dawn, and she stands facing the left side of the image. In the bottom of the image is a white cat with purple-grey markings, specifically on his tail and his ears. This character is labeled as Nova, and he sits facing the left while glancing towards the upper right corner. End ID.]

Returning to my roots and doing some quick animal fantasy <3 Doodling up some characters for it. Nova is my favorite so far.

[hylasregilla]

🐻 🎁 🎼

(from here)

🐻 Your go-to things to draw when you need comfort?

I mostly return to my roots (kid who only drew sparkle dogs) and doodle animals/creatures. Usually big cats or dragons. On occasion I'll return to old blorbos whose designs I know by heart.

🎁 Do you prefer drawing fandom stuff or your own characters?

Fandom almost always. I wanna do more original stuff, but original characters require that I come up with hairstyles and outfits before I can draw them.

I also find drawing for fandoms to be more fulfilling. I like contributing to a community and brightening other people's days. No one really cares about the original characters in my head, so in my view it's not as important that those ideas get externalized.

🎼 Your favorite music to draw to right now?

All my favorite music is stuff I have distracting brainworms about, so I usually watch videos or shows while I draw instead. When I do listen to music I most likely end up letting spotify auto-generate a playlist for me. Usually francoton for some reason.

I'd like to be one of those people that listens to soundtracks or themed music while drawing though. That sounds fun.

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: Celebrating Shinichiro Watanabe's Catalog From Cowboy Bebop And Beyond

  Hello everyone, and welcome to Why It Works. Today we’re celebrating the birthday of one of my favorite anime directors, the profoundly talented Shinichiro Watanabe. Even among less plugged-in anime fans, the resounding excellence and gateway appeal of properties like Cowboy Bebop make Watanabe something of a household name. But along with the fundamental quality of his works, what astounds me about Watanabe is his variability of projects and the unique spin he brings to each genre and subject he touches. Watanabe draws influences from a wide array of global cinematic touchstones, and that breadth of interests feeds back into both his diversity of genres and the flexibility he brings to each of them. Today on Why It Works, I’d like to celebrate that diversity of drama as we highlight the strengths of each of Watanabe’s post-Macross productions!

    Of course, that does imply starting off with a few more words for Cowboy Bebop. Fresh off Macross Plus, Watanabe’s first original production combined his sci-fi origins with a variety of personal fascinations, tossing western and noir influences into the pot and seasoning with a funk finish. I’ve explored Bebop’s broad cinematic influences in the past, but even understanding the roots of a work like this can’t explain the brilliance of all its parts in motion. Cowboy Bebop exudes confidence in every aspect, spinning those varied influences into a whole that feels obvious and irreducible. There is a sense of grounded, lived-in fatigue uniting every facet of its world, from Spike’s solemn history to the smoke-filled bars of Ganymede. For any fans of genre melding or science fiction, Cowboy Bebop is an essential watch.

  RELATED: How Confidence Helped Cowboy Bebop Create An Enduring Legacy

  Watanabe’s follow-up to Bebop is likely the closest he’s ever come to repeating a formula, though in true Watanabe fashion, this still involved barreling back to Edo-era Japan with a whole host of fresh genre-blending influences. Samurai Champloo combines a roaming samurai drama with an array of hip-hop influences, ranging from aesthetic touches like the soundtrack to narrative ones like a spray-tagging competition. The results are perhaps a tad less cohesive than Bebop, but undoubtedly a riotous amount of fun, with Champloo taking a much lighter and more episodic approach to its storytelling. Champloo is one of the peak “wandering party of adventurers” anime, following a trio whose general incompetence is matched only by their swordplay-driven knack for getting out of trouble. With action and comedy to spare, it’s one of those shows that feels like an inviting bag of chips, where you always feel like you’ve got room for just one more episode.

    Having twice returned to the “genre pastiche action-adventure” well, Watanabe shifted gears entirely for his next production, by adapting the coming-of-age manga Kids on the Slope. In contrast with his prior works, Kids on the Slope is grounded and tight in its scope, following two boys who bond over jazz music during the summer of 1966. The cultural melting pot of post-occupation Japan provides a vivid backdrop for Watanabe’s most intimate production, as he captures the towering hopes and quiet disappointments of adolescence with grace and affection. And as always, Watanabe’s love of music shines through, with Kids on the Slope occasionally erupting into jaw-dropping stage performances. An essential watch for any lover of character dramas, or anyone intrigued by this charged moment in history.

  RELATED: How Well Do You Know Shinichiro Watanabe?

  Watanabe continued his run of more grounded dramas with Terror in Resonance, his most overtly political production. Centered on a pair of teenage terrorists detonating bombs across Tokyo, the series proceeds as a cat and mouse game between the police and young bombers as they seek to unveil the conspiracy that destroyed their childhood. As a political statement, Terror in Resonance makes some fine points about the lingering effects of American occupation, as well as the impossible reality facing Japan’s emerging generation. As a thriller, it embraces a degree of absurdity that maybe-sorta undercuts some of those political ambitions. But shakier threads aside, Terror in Resonance’s best moments evoke both the underlying hopelessness and carefree catharsis of modern adolescence, perfectly articulating that sense of fleeing your old life and racing down a highway with no destination. As an overall statement, it feels like an animated articulation of “Born to Run,” a desperate, anthemic cry of youth in revolt.

    In typical Watanabe fashion, he followed his most politically serious work with his most irreverent one, directing the preposterous Space Dandy. Granted, saying Watanabe himself “directed” Space Dandy isn’t really accurate — rather, the loose template of “Dandy goes on bounty-hunting adventures in space” served more as an invitation for Watanabe and Shingo Natsume to highlight all of their talented associates, with each new episode generally featuring its own production team. As a result, Space Dandy serves as a diverse showcase for modern industry talent, with directors ranging from close Watanabe collaborators like Sayo Yamamoto to more far-flung luminaries like Science Saru’s Masaaki Yuasa and Eunyong Choi. Animators rarely get such an open template to play with, and the results are both extraordinarily diverse and frequently stunning. As a man whose catalog embodies the dramatic diversity of anime’s potential, it’s heartening to see Watanabe using his pull to celebrate the varied talents of his fellow creators.

  RELATED: How Cowboy Bebop Shows Love For Classic Cinema

  Most recently, Watanabe spearheaded studio BONES’ 20th-anniversary project, the eminently endearing Carole & Tuesday. Centered on a pair of girls attempting to make it as musicians on Mars, Carole & Tuesday employs just a light sprinkling of sci-fi invention, mostly focusing on the various professional hurdles of its fledgling stars. It’s a delight simply to spend time with this show’s charming cast, bouncing from fun vignettes like their misguided adventures in music videos to dramatic arcs like their tenure in a music competition. Beautiful, lighthearted, and overflowing with impressive musical performances, Carole & Tuesday is as comforting and agreeable as soft serve on a warm afternoon. It is pure Watanabe comfort food, and may just convince you that music can save the world.

  Image via Netflix

  Ultimately, the breadth of Watanabe’s catalog is simply a further testament to what any one of his shows could tell you: Watanabe loves cinema, storytelling, and music, and in particular, loves the wild diversity through which all of these art forms can be meaningfully expressed. His works demonstrate the bounteous range of anime’s appeal, and my own appreciation of anime feels richer for every one of them. Whatever else his next work may be, it will at the very least come as a surprise to everyone, and I’m happier for it.

      Nick Creamer has been writing about cartoons for too many years now and is always ready to cry about Madoka. You can find more of his work at his blog Wrong Every Time, or follow him on Twitter.

By: Nick Creamer

[redux-iterum]

why do you think you’ve fixated so much on warriors, when you have such fundamental problems with the series that you think even mainstream critiques that might be considered harsh in other fandoms don’t quite dig into the root of the problem? what is it about this accursed series that keeps you coming back?

I called in the editor on this one, because it's a really great question, so here's both of our answers:

DULLARD: I think the best way for me to sum up my interest is "the potential". This goes in all regards - fanClans, fanfics, the ideas canon presents, the ease of which one can alter ideas presented in the books without causing any real problems... it's so easy to participate in this series in your own way. Characters are so flat that you can rewrite them however you want and no one will bat an eye (evil Spottedleaf, anyone?). Making fan characters and settings is like the first thing we all did upon stepping into this fandom. It's a perfect invitation for your imagination to go wild without compromising what little is concrete in the series. It's one of the most genius structures to a franchise that I've ever seen, and that is what draws me in. I talked a bit about this on the old blog, so you can read on my elaboration here!

LYNX:

1) This series fills a niche I never knew I wanted. A fantasy series about cats living in the woods outside your home is a fun concept on principle, and it's what animal-loving, fantasy-loving me loved as a teenager. And your teenage years influences your adulthood, so whod've guessed the bad cat books stuck with me?

2) The sandbox potential. You can make up your own OCs who live in the four or five clans! Too limiting? Make your own fanclans! Remix the ranks! Construct religious rites! Give meaning to names! Fill in gaps! There's so much potential! You're given a few baseline rules for names, ranks, and religion and it's now up to your individual creativity to make something from it! This is probably why Warriors has a staggering amount of fanfiction comprised of solely OCs compared to any other fandom. The world of Warriors is our playground.

3) The ineptitude. Like watching a train crash, it's so hilarious to watch the writing and editing teams screw up so terribly from book to book, from useless things like eye colors to dumb stuff like "cat was chilling in a den, same cat just now walked into camp from the dawn patrol" to serious things like entire world elements or former plots or who their own kindred are.

4) What it could have been. Watership Down, violent as it is, was written for the author's daughters. Same goes for The Hobbit for Tolkien's children. Both are filled with incredible attention to detail of the facets of the world that people are still writing essays on how fantastic these stand as literature, especially The Hobbit. Specifically for Watership Down, careful attention was given concerning rabbit biology and behavior, so much that when you take a step back from the "talking" rabbits that tell stories about their god, you have a very realistic setting. Just imagine returning to Warriors as an adult and learning that all the pelt colors lined up accurately or the fauna were appropriate for its initial setting! Just makes you wonder...

[honeypirate]

Quick drabbles about sweet moments I would like to have with some of my favorite characters.

Fem reader sometimes

Fire force

Benimaru

He comes into your room with a sigh, closing the door quietly before kneeling at the bottom of your bed and crawling up between your legs, pushing his head under your hands holding your book and laying his head against your chest. You chuckle and set your book aside before running your fingers through his hair “hello sweetheart” you say and he pushes up so his face was in your neck now, kissing the skin softly “hello” he says and sighs into your neck. “I missed you” you say and he nods into your neck “I missed you” he says and you wrap your arms around his shoulders, hugging him tighter to you and kissing the top of his head.

Konro

You sit behind him in the bath, the hot water up to your shoulders and you lay your head against his back as he tells you about his day, his hands brushing up and down your legs beside him. You were careful to avoid the charred marks on his neck, arms, and back as you careful washed him, leaving kisses around them. You took care of him better than anyone and he felt the love you had for him every time you helped him, you never made him feel like a burden or anything less than, you made him feel comfortable in his own skin. “God I love you so much” he whispers as you finish washing his hair “it’s my turn now” he says and you carefully switch places with him, his large hands gently washing your body and kissing your neck. He washes your hair and then spends extra time running his fingers through it, loving the soft feel in his hands. You run your fingertips against his legs and up to his thighs as you talk and relax until the water gets too cold.

Obi Akitaru

He throws you over his shoulder after you get back to the compound, you giggle and lightly hit his back “Obi! Put me down!” He laughs and slaps your butt “not gonna happen. My girl was injured so I gotta carry her in” you sigh and relax in his hold “ It’s just a little burn! On my arm! I can still walk” he laughs but doesn’t set you down until you’re in his private bathroom. He helps you out of your fire force coat and pants before taking off his own, leaving you in just your underwear and a tank top and him in boxers. You smile softly up at his as he gently washes the soot off your cheeks and neck. “You’re so beautiful sweetheart” he says and you blush, reaching up and cupping his cheek with a smile “you’re not so bad yourself” you say and he grins. You take the washcloth from his hand and rinse it out before gently washing the soot off his cheeks for him “let’s hop in a shower so we can do this properly” he says as he dips down to capture your lips in his.

Hinawa

You push the kitchen door open quietly and peak in at him, he’s singing along to a old record he borrowed from Obi, some jazz from before the cataclysm. You watched him cook and sing, butterflies in your belly from how adorable it is. His voice was perfect for this kind of music and it smelled like he was making your favorite meal. You walk over to him and wrap your arms around his middle, his singing turning into a low chuckle. “Hey sweetheart” he says and you smile, placing a kiss against his shirt on his spine “it smells good but I want to know....are you on the menu for tonight?” you say and his hand holds yours on his stomach “naughty girl” he says before taking the pan of the heat and turning around in your arms, he holds both of your cheeks and you look up at him, your chin on his chest. His eyes were dark, you could see the lust in his eyes and the adoration he has for you. You stand on your tiptoes, meeting him halfway as he captures your lips his.

Haikyuu

Aone

Sitting in the living room, leaning against him on the couch as you both read together. His arm around you as he scrolls through his book on his tablet, your head against his arm, kissing it every other page turn. When you finish your chapter to mark your page and set your book on the coffee table before turning your head up and kissing his chin softly, watching his lips turn up in a smile before his eyes flick to yours after he finishes the sentence he was on. “I’m so unbelievably lucky” he whispers and you blush, after all these years he still makes you feel giddy in your heart.

Kuroo

You’re cooking breakfast while he pours mimosas, the Sunday morning air filled with sweet kisses and witty banter, him sticking to you like glue, his hands on your hips and his chin against your shoulder as he sways you to the music playing, singing the lyrics to you as you flip the pancakes.

Ushiwaka

Taking the long drive through the country for a weekend away, his hand on your thigh as he drives, you play a perfect relaxing mix of music but the radio is quiet background noise as you talk about anything you can think of. You loved that he was so open minded, you could ask anything your crack head thoughts come up with and he’d respond honestly. You never felt the need to fill any silence though, it was comfortable, he felt like home to you.

Daichi

You’re singing along to the music you had playing loudly as you did some late night cleaning while waiting for him to get come from work, he had to do some extra paperwork but you didn’t mind. You were excited to see him after being apart all day and to combat that excitement you decided to clean. When he walks in the house he smiles at the sight, you were standing on the back of the couch, the vacuum on as you suck the dust off the blinds, your foot tapping along to the music that was so loud you could hear it over the vacuum. He closed the door as he admired you before walking over to you and quickly clicking the vacuum button. You yelp as he knocks the back of your knees so you fell into his waiting arms, his smiling face made your heart skip as you relaxed into his arms “you naughty boy!” You say as you laugh and kisses your cheek “What can i say? I missed my darling”

Nishinoya

You’ve been together for years, spent traveling as you worked as a freelance photographer mostly but now you’ve decided to go home and put down your own roots, get back to family. After a few months you decided you wanted to adopt a pet tigether, finally deciding on a sweet cat you met at the shelter, he couldn’t stop talking about her so you thought it was a pretty good sign. Her first night home with you, you let her get adjusted and she kept to herself for the most part, claiming one of the chairs in the living room for herself. In the middle of a movie you were watching you got up to use the bathroom, when you returned he was mouthing screams at you pointing down, you chuckled as you saw that the cat had jumped up and fell asleep on his lap. He was so cute you about teared up for a moment before taking a picture of them on your phone, setting it as your Lock Screen. Your perfect little family.

Tendou

When he was making you homemade chocolate at his apartment for your fifth date, you took a spoon and dipped it into the melted chocolate when you thought he wasn’t looking. When he turned around and saw you with the spoon in your mouth, an obviously blissed look at how delicious it was, he knew he loved you. “Sorry” you say around the spoonin your mouth, your cheeks warming under his gaze. “You’re such a sneak, I’ll have to look out for that” he says as he boops your nose. You felt your heart race at the way his eyes lingered on you with a smirk. This man would be the death of you.

Bnha

Bakugou

You sing a little song to yourself as you break your chopsticks apart, dancing in your chair as you look down at your ramen. You were so happy to be in this moment with your favorite boy and your favorite food. He looks across the table at you, an amused smile on his face as he watches you and listens to your impromptu dumb song about how much you love ramen and love him, all the anger in his body leaving. You look up into his eyes and you feel your cheeks get warm “hmm?” You ask and expect his usually dumbass banter but your breath hitches when he says softly “I just love you is all” He‘ll never forget how lucky he is to be sharing perfect moments with you.

Midoriya

A date that’s not a date. You go to a thrift store with your friends but take his hand and lead him back to the clothing, taking turns choosing ugly accessories and coats for the other, spending the whole time lost in the moments with him. By the end you have many pictures together on your phone. You break off from the group, walking behind a few feet with him as you talk about your favorite heroes, you asked him questions about his notebook and he showed you the page he had written for you but forgot the small little drawing of a heart next your name at the top of the page. He noticed when the notebook was in your hand but couldn’t really tear it from you, that would be nuts. So he just hopes you don’t notice as you read his notes(you do) “this is amazing. I didn’t know you paid this much attention to me” his cheeks flush “y/n you have an amazing quirk! I love to watch you!” His face turns very red as you raise your eyebrows “you love to watch me?” You smirk and he starts to ramble “no! I mean I do. But like not in a weird way. I just like to see how your quirk develops. I’m not a stalker or anything” you reach out and take his hand with a chuckle “I like that you pay attention to me so don’t worry Zuku” you say and he lets out a deep breath. The rest of your group notices but just leaves you be, this was a long time going and to be honest bakugou started a bet to see how long it would take. He won when he bet it would be sooner rather than later. The first time he ever bet on Deku but only because he knew you were bolder.

Kaminari

Oh man. You were home early and he hadn’t heard you come in. You could hear he was on the phone with someone so you didn’t make any loud noises as you set your things down. “I’m gonna ask her tonight. Yeah I have the ring here in my hand, it’s so perfect. ... I have a reservation at the place we had our first date” he busts up laughing and you crack a smile when you realize he means the skate park near your old high school. “Yeah man the skatepark. But it’s actually a really nice restaurant now which I thought was so romantic. Shin, I can’t even begin to explain how sure I am about this. I can’t imagine a life without them in it.” You feel your heart skip and your eyes mist over for a moment before you suck in a breath and make your way over to the door, opening it quietly and then shouting “Hey im home early! Are you home?” You act, dramatically picking up and dropping your keys again and kicking your shoes. You hear a drawer shut and him say “I gotta go man she’s home thanks so much” before he comes out of the bedroom with a big grin on his lips “y/n/n! do you wanna go out to dinner tonight? There’s this new place I want us to try”

Aizawa

The way the breeze coming in through window ruffled his hair woke him up, it was just after two am and he must of forgot to close the window before you guys fell asleep. He got up to shut the window and he turned around, pausing for a second when he noticed you were looking at him. The moonlight framed his back and hit your face, your sleepy eyes taking in his shirtless frame as he walked back to bed. “You look like an angel” you whispered to him and he chuckles as he scooted under the covers, “you must still be dreaming if you think I’m the angel of this relationship” he mutters, trying to hide the way his heart skipped when you called him an angel.

Fatgum/ Taishiro

He comes home, his big suit in tatters and his body smaller, bruises already forming on his face and chest you can see from the torn fabric. “Oh babe I knew it was bad but I really wasn’t-“ you hold your hand to your lips to try and stop your tears as he walks over to you and wraps you in a hug and standing, carrying you with him to the bedroom “oh my angel don’t worry. I’m okay. All I need is a little bit of your home cooking and a lot of your kisses, then I’ll be right as rain” you shower with him, helping him out so he didnt have to use his sore limbs. Kissing him as much as he would want, showing him how much you love him. After you dress you make him multiple different foods, full meals so he could have as much as he wanted. He watched you cook from his spot at the kitchen table, his heart as full as his stomach will be later. The food you make for him always tastes the best, better than any food he could ever order, he feels your love through the act of service you give him every time you cook for him.

Present mic

The moment after a concert where you’re walking back to the car holding hands, smiles on your lips as your ears ringing from the level of music as you talk about your favorite songs that were performed. You start to shiver from the sweat on your body and he pulls you into a hug “I got something for you” he says quietly knowing your ears were already ringing as he kisses the top of your head “what is it?” You ask with a smile “close your eyes” he says and you lean up to kiss his lips softly before pulling back and keeping yo eyes closed. You feel something go over your head and you instinctively put your arms up through the sleeves knowing it was a hoodie “okay open your eyes” he says and you do, seeing him wearing a hoodie in front of you and looking down to see you had a matching one on “this is amazing Yama! I love you! Thank you!” You hug him tight and he laughs holding you close “anything for my girl”

Toshinori

Walking through the park in the morning, getting some coffee and people watching, hitting the farmers market on the way home he buys you some flowers while you’re distracted with the fruit. You buy an aloe plant in a pot painted with his face on it that looks like his hair for your office at the school and when you walk home you buy some donuts from the stand at the end, your arm in his as you have endless entertaining conversations.

Naruto

Kakashi

You gave him an excuse of a mission so you could go to the sand village for a few days. There’s a small bookstore there who was going to be releasing a limited edition Icha Icha book with a twist ending and you wanted to make sure you could get one. You were the first one in line and you waited all night long to be the first one in when it opened that day. You got the book and then swung by where you heard Jiraiya was, some bar by a hot spring between the sand and the leaf. “What are you doing here?” He says through a confident slur as you sit down next to him. you pull out the book and a pen and grin at him but when he doesn’t show any emotion you sigh, pulling out your wallet and handing it to him before he nods and takes the pen “I always have time for my fans”

When you get back to the apartment it’s after 2am the day of his birthday. You take the stairs two at a time, ditching your pack by the door as you enter silently. You hold the book in your hands, neatly wrapped in paper as you kick off your shoes and make your way to the bedroom. He’s sleeping peacefully in bed and you can’t wait to ruin it. You climb up in the bed and sit cross legged next to him, a smile on your lips and the book in your lap as you softly run your fingertips across his cheeks and his forehead and then down his nose before his eyes flutter open. “Hi” you whisper and he smiles as he stretches his arms out “welcome home baby. How was the mission?” He sits up and you look down at the book in your lap “the mission was successful” you say with a chuckle before looking back up into his eyes “what do you got there?” He asks and you hide it behind your back “oh nothing at all I don’t know what you’re ta-“ he talked you to the bed and stars to tickle your sides “taLKING ABOUT!” You start to giggle as his fingers hit all your ticklish spots “Kashi stop!” You beg through laughs and tears before he captures your lips with his and you relax into him, not noticing when his hand slides under your back and pulls the book from your grasp. He knows exactly what it is the moment he’s touched it. “You didn’t” he says as he pulls back and you just grin “open it” you say and he does, gently pulling the paper from the book. He holds it like he’s holding somethjng extra precious “there wasn’t a mission” he states as he looks down at the book in his hands, flipping through the new pages. “The only mission was making you happy” you whisper and he looks up into your eyes, his looking a little misty, “I love you so much, thank you” he says quietly, afraid his voice will crack. “I love you Kakashi. Happy Birthday”

[seijorhi]

The Fall

Somebody said Devil Kuroo and I have not recovered since. Anyway, enjoy my first offering for the Spooktober event!

Kuroo Tetsurou x Female Reader

TW Dub/non-con, blood, gore, minor character death, religious themes, nsfw, mild smut

It’s subtle, the shift in the air as two polished black shoes cross the threshold. The candles on the altar spit and sputter, and a shiver trickles down your spine. 

You wonder if the humans scattered along the pews can sense it too, if they can taste the bitter, metallic tang in the air, feel the same prickling sensation at the nape of their necks as  tiny hairs stand on end. The woman seated two rows in front of you stiffens, her breath catching between her sobbed prayers, but she doesn’t turn and neither do you.

Do they have any idea the evil that’s trespassing on holy ground? The danger that they’re all in - the danger that you’ve inadvertently brought upon them?

This is all your fault.

His footsteps, slow and measured echo mockingly throughout the nave, but you’re rooted in place. It’s instinctual, you think; the fear that sinks its claws into your heart, seeping into your veins like ice. 

There is nowhere left for you to run. 

You have no more aces hidden up your sleeves. 

The wards that protected you, kept you safe and hidden for years are broken, and your friends-

Blood slicked floors, body parts strewn across your apartment. A howling scream pierces the air around you, and it takes a moment to realise that it belongs to you. You fall to your knees, bile rising in your throat as you stare in wide eyed horror at the grisly mess he’d left in his wake. 

He could have killed them with a snap of his fingers, but he’d taken his time, hurt them, ripped the spines from their bodies slowly, keeping them alive as they screamed and begged through tears and snot and blood and vomit…  

He’d left them for you to find like a gruesome homecoming gift. Punishment, you think, for daring to hide you from him. 

It’s late, well past midnight. The only people in the crumbling, dilapidated church at this hour are those with nowhere else to go. Vagrants, the helpless, those lost to grief and addiction seeking the barest semblance of comfort amongst the burning incense, high ceilings and grimy, stained glass windows. 

And you. 

Though you suppose you fit into the former. Where else could hope to hide now that your sanctuary has been torn to pieces? This is the last place you’d choose to go, even now the long healed scars on your shoulder blades sting and burn, a painful and persistent reminder that you no longer belong amongst these hallowed halls.

Foolishly, you’d still come. Consecrated ground was supposed to protect you, however temporarily.

He shouldn’t be here. He can’t be here, it’s not possible, but-

Dressed in a crisp black suit with a blood red tie, the handsome figure settles himself down on the pew beside you. A smirk curls at his lips as he stretches long legs, crossing his ankles and leisurely fixing the sleeves of his jacket as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. 

You don’t dare draw breath. Sitting stiff and ramrod straight, you stare at your trembling hands curled into fists on your lap, the ancient golden pendant lying broken in your palm. There’s dried blood smeared across the back of your hands, flecks and splatters hidden among the dark fabric of your skirt. The sight of it makes your stomach churn.

His chin tilts, golden, cat-like pupils settling on you. You fight the urge to fidget, to flee, fingernails biting into the soft, delicate skin of your palm as he studies you. 

“Hey, angel,” he purrs, his voice like warm honey. “It’s been a while.”

Finally you tear your eyes away from your lap, meeting his smirk with an icy glare. “Don’t call me that,” you snap bitterly. 

He laughs, stretching back to drape his arm over the wooden backrest of the pew, his fingers just barely grazing your shoulders. “But I like calling you angel, and I’ve missed you.” The last part is growled, a low and rumbling timbre, too deep, too rich to be mistaken for anything close to human. It makes your hackles rise and your stomach clench uneasily. Unbidden, memories flash to your mind- his teeth at your neck, his sweat slicked body moving atop yours. Unbearable, searing heat flooding your core, large hands encircling yours to hold you down as his hips eagerly rut up against your ass, “Give into me, angel, you know you want to.”

His grin widens, and you know that it’s deliberate. 

You don’t have the luxury of anger, not when the fear so visceral it threatens to choke you demands attention. He’s smiling amiably, but you’re not so naive as to believe that he’s not furious with you, that there won’t be punishments that await you for your escape.

One hundred and twenty years might pass in the blink of an eye for him, but it wouldn’t make a difference if it were only one, or even a single month, a day. You ran from him, and for every moment you were not at his side he would make you suffer - excruciating pain inflicted with pleasure until your mind broke and you couldn’t distinguish the two, until you were a babbling, beautiful mess begging for mercy.

Until you regretted ever even considering leaving his side after all that he’d done to keep you there.

He’d promised you as much a long time ago, hissing the threat into your ear as he forced you to ride his cock.

You’d fled anyway. And now, you’re trapped with nowhere left to run, and he knows it just as well as you do. But it’s not yourself that you’re scared for. 

There will be plenty of time for that later.

Six innocent, oblivious humans dot the derelict pews, and the Father you’d watched tend to the burning candles and incense at the altar, meeting your stricken gaze for just a moment before returning to the task at hand. 

It is for their sakes that you are afraid.

“A church, angel?” he sounds amused. “You know, I expected you to run after you found the dead witch and her partner, but here?” he tuts, shaking his head with a sigh. Pain, raw and visceral stabs at your heart and your shoulders shake with barely concealed anger, hands clenched so tight that blood seeps from the crescent shaped cuts in your palm. He eyes the gold pendant flecked with crimson in your grip, and for the first moment since he arrived, you watch that cavalier facade slip - a flicker of something dark and jealous twisting at his features. “They were the ones who kicked you out, don’t you remember? They ripped those lovely wings-”

“You tricked me, Kuroo! You lied!” the words spill from your tongue before you can hope to stop them. His golden eyes widen for a split second, surprised by your outburst, but it only lasts a moment before he’s smirking indulgently at you once more. Too late you realise your slip. The devil has a thousand names, but Kuroo was the one he gave when he first came to you. 

You haven’t uttered that name in almost two hundred years. 

“Did you think that the grace of God would protect you here, angel?” He slides closer, long, nimble fingers plucking the cross from your hands only to cast it aside. The faint metallic clinking as it falls and clatters across the marble floors makes you flinch, but he pays it no mind. “Did you truly believe that there is an ounce of anything holy left in this crumbling, decrepit shithole? And even if there were,” he pauses, leaning down to whisper in your ear as a warm palm slides up your thigh, “did you really think that would be enough to keep me from you?”

“K-Kuroo,” you gasp as he leans down to nuzzle into the crook of your neck, his mouth laving wet, hot, open mouthed kisses against the delicate skin there. His fingers delve under the hem of your skirt and it’s pure, unadulterated fear that hits you like a tidal wave, compelling you against your better instincts to claw at his wrist, halting him in his tracks.

He stills, warm breath fanning across your skin as he exhales sharply, leaving goosebumps in its wake. The flames from the candles on the altar sputter once more before they swell with frightening intensity, surging as the temperature in the chapel spikes. 

“Angel,” he purrs lowly, the barest hint of an underlying threat lacing the endearment, and it feels as though there’s an invisible hand inside of your chest, clenching around your frantically beating heart. It’s a mistake, you know that even as his other hand reaches for your chin, gripping it tightly as he forces you to meet his molten gaze. “If you keep denying me what I want, I will raze this fucking church to the ground and let them all burn.”

This time you don’t so much as flinch when he tugs your panties to the side, rough fingertips brushing teasingly along your slit. “You’re going to let me defile you, sweet thing. You’re going to remember why you fell for me.” 

His eyes are blown wide, dark pupils almost swallowing the gilded irises. Gone is the perfectly crafted human facade - this is the beast that lurks beneath, and you have run from him for long enough. Your heart hammers against your ribs, your tongue darting out to wet your lips, fighting back a shiver as he tracks the movement with predatory focus. You know as well as he does that the games are over, and you have lost.

Every cell in your body is screaming at you to run, but you cannot move.

His breath is ragged, a flush of pink dusting at his cheek as he stares at you, an unholy desire burning in those bottomless depths.

One beat passes, and then another-

He closes the gap between you two, crashing his lips against yours. The kiss isn’t sweet. It isn’t tender, but it sets you alight nonetheless. Without warning his fingers plunge into your plush, velvet walls and you gasp for him, clutching at his jacket sleeve.

“And when I take you, fuck you on these floors until you sing for me, angel, you’re going to love every second of it,” he snarls.

[tvitr]

uwu I don’t make the ruwules

(Okay fine, reasons/opinions below the cut but be warned! I won’t be holding back on game or book spoilers. Or rambling. This got longer than I anticipated lol)

BETTER IN THE BOOK

Eis “Fireman Sam” Glover: I don’t know what the game was trying to do with this one. I guess he gets overwhelmed by the fire and loses his composure or gets scared or... something?  Also why did he not bring a hose. Or a mask.  This is why so many reviewers thought Wonderworld was a metaphor for purgatory and all the inhabitants are dead I swear. Who cares, the book handled it a lot better. I wouldn’t say it’s perfect, but there’s definitely a good idea here with some interesting themes. The gist is that he feels ashamed following his captain’s orders to retreat during a serious blaze, which his colleagues disobeyed, and his colleagues are later hailed as heroes by the press.  Is Balan the Book trying to take on toxic masculinity...? How brave. Tl;dr, the book conveyed the story a Hell of lot better than the game. Honestly I’m surprised this is the only one.

BETTER IN THE GAME

Haoyu “Airplane Boi” Chang: So the book tried waaaay too hard to draw a parallel between Haoyu and Fiona (aka, Dolphin Girl) to the point that they both share a similar backstory, in that they had a hobby which led to a near-fatal accident and now they’re too traumatised to resume said hobby. And that’s not a bad thing per se but... “near fatal accident” was already Fiona’s backstory. We didn’t need a duplicate. And this is more personal preference, but I kinda liked Haoyu’s story in the game anyway. His failure at building a functioning aeroplane out of crap he found in his garage is endearingly funny in the game, and the resolution of him taking time out to sit down and study before building anything is a nice spin on the whole “if at first you don’t succeed” theme the chapter wanted. 

Sana “Bird Lady” Hudson: So the book decided they didn’t want to make Cal an angry sore loser so guess what? They made Sana an angry misanthrope. Wonderful. Okay maybe that’s harsh, but she definitely came off as very bitter and unsympathetic in the book. Like there’s a scene at the end where she harasses a firefighter and tries to steal a fire engine because they’re working on a building fire and not supervising her park. That’s not a character you wanna root for. That’s a Karen. The game had a better plot thread and resolution to her story rather than a boring cookie-cutter “humans vs. nature grrrr humans are so evil” story, like the game story here had a bit more depth to it and approached the topic more maturely than the book did. Which is ironic considering how hilariously edgy the book gets sometimes, but I guess throwing a few smashed eggs and frozen bird skeletons into your story doesn’t mean anything if you’re still going to paint such a black-and-white narrative.

Iben “Frozen Elsa” Bia: This story didn’t need dialogue. Like... we don’t need her to justify why she’s upset her parents are dead because we’d already assume that. They’re her parents! Of course we’d assume she’d be upset! They died! Simultaneously! That’s horrible! WE DON’T NEED HER TO EXPLAIN THIS! Also her dialogue in the book was... pretty terrible, not gonna lie. Like if you’re gonna insist on dialogue at least make it gOOD. I’m actually planning on just reviewing her book scene so I can fully articulate just how bad it is anyway, so stay tuned for that mess lol.

FINE IN BOTH

I mean there’s not really too much to say here but anyways:

Jose/”The Farmer” having a family in the book gives him a bit more depth, even if we never hear from them again after his backstory dump.

Fiona/”Dolphin Girl” almost drowns in a slightly different way, with a dolphin straight up pulling her mask off rather than knocking it out of her mouth, and the book also goes more into detail about her love for diving and dolphins. Also the book ships her and Haoyu like. So hard. Like they never shut up about how similar they are or what they other’s doing or if the other’s okay or not. By the end of it I was expecting them to just start making out in front of everyone, they’re that obsessed with each other. And it would be funny if they didn’t use this to wreck Haoyu’s backstory like I mentioned earlier.

Yuri/”Bug Kid”/”Is that a Pokémon reference?” is now being kinda bullied for liking bugs, which yeah gives her more depth and reason to be upset but I also kinda related to her just being that One Kid with interests that nobody else had. But it’s not as bad as some of the other changes, so I can let it slide.

Atillio/Clown and Bruce/Old Man are the same, nothing to say here.

Lucy/”The Artist” is a total drama queen but then again so are Art People so I can let it slide. I did like them changing her problem from “artist’s block” (seriously?) to her feeling too under pressure to create masterpieces, unless that’s what the game was aiming for? Oh who cares.

JUST A BIG MESS

Cass “Dead Cat Girl” Milligan: This is a weird one because the story is the same between the game and book (though the book mentions she witnessed a more severe car accident rather than a speeding car which she assumes kills the cat, and the cat isn’t even her cat, it’s a stray) but the story itself is... flawed. According to the book, they wanted to convey the idea that running away from the accident was irresponsible, and she just needed to look back and she’d see her cat is okay, but the game kind of makes it look more like Balan turned back time to save her cat, and the book mentions a serious car crash which I don’t think anyone would willingly return to. I feel there’s a better way to convey this idea of being responsible for your pets, like say her cat escapes from the house and gets lost, and her resolution is going out and properly looking for it. That’s a more effective (and natural) way to relay that message, especially as they weren’t going to commit to the idea of grieving a lost pet.

I’M CONFLICTED

Cal “Chess Daddy” Suresh: God this was a tough call. On one hand Cal’s game backstory is one of the ones most YouTube players single out as the weakest backstory in the game. He’s just “that guy who lost one game of chess”. Being right before Iben’s level certainly doesn’t help. I could honestly write a separate post about how bad the story placements are in this game but that’s too long for here.  On the other hand, I still... kinda like it? Like I like this idea of him being a sore loser with a bad temper who needs to learn some humility, sure it’s not as serious as “I almost drowned” or “my parents are dead” but one of the few good things about the game is that it balanced “serious” stories with “benign” ones, if that makes sense. HOWEVER His book scene is... probably one of the best written in the whole book. Which isn’t saying much, but it felt like it hit the intended degree of darkness that the rest of the book was trying to hit. One of my main issues with the book is how much it edged up everyone’s backstory, which doesn’t sound bad but when you have 12 characters with edgy backstories to sit through, it starts to feel like a 14 year old's first attempt at writing an angsty fanfiction very quickly. And yes, Cal’s story is dark and angsty but it felt like the perfect balance of dark and angsty. Or as perfect as the book can get. Like even Balan’s annoying rhyming dialogue sounded good for the tone of the scene. Man maybe I should just do a review of both his backstories in a bigger post.  Obviously I could be biased because I’m a sucker for chess aesthetics and dark skinned men with long permed hair so I’m just putting more thought into him but still.

[heartslobbf]

let’s talk about perfuma. imo, she’s one of the best characters in the show despite being underdeveloped, and i wanna explain why. she could’ve been extremely average, just some lanky flower girl that doesn’t believe in violence and loves everyone, but she is so much more than that (and it pisses me off that y’all reduce her to that).

in her introductory episode, perfuma is clearly in denial about the horde almost destroying plumeria. she doesn’t want to acknowledge the problem, wants someone else to take care of it for her. she’s scared of change, and that is because change makes you vulnerable. if things always stay the same, there’s a whole lot less danger and uncertainty, and therefore you’re safe. secure. perfuma’s kingdom is dying and she can’t bear to accept it because it is unknown to her. it’s putting her in a position where she is no longer secure. this fear of vulnerability can also be seen at the beginning of 1x10 when the princess alliance falls apart and she literally says ‘being together makes us vulnerable.’

the thing is, perfuma isn’t wrong. look at her choice of words. she says that being together makes them vulnerable, not weak. here, she kind of has the words mixed up, but we see that by s5 she has come to understand the difference. that’s what’s so great about perfuma, her motivation to do better, her hunger for self-improvement. it’s why she’s such an important part of catra’s redemption, actually, because she embodies the kind person catra is or wants to be.

let me explain: perfuma is an angry, impatient, short-tempered character. we are shown this again and again with her passive aggression to others and how easily mermista can annoy her with trivial things (sitting in her seat in the war room, for example). catra is also an angry, impatient character, but perfuma works every day to manage those emotions. she knows she needs them, she uses them as a tool (calling catra out, for example, is a time they were practically pivotal for getting her point across) but she also acknowledges they can hurt the people she loves. we know she does a meditation ritual each morning and we see in 4x02 how quickly she can unravel without it. she wants to be better. she puts the work in. that is such a valuable lesson for a character like catra who has always felt she’s just not good enough, she’s always going to be this angry and unlovable and no one can do anything about it.

so, 4x02. it’s a brilliant episode for perfuma’s character, really, and the first proper development we’ve had since 1x04. we see her anger, her impatience, but we also see her self-doubt. her belief that she’s inadequate, ‘just a flower girl.’ this is also when we get introduced to her little mantra that becomes a bit of a motif later on, ‘i can do this.’ we know perfuma doesn’t wholeheartedly believe this, but she says it anyway because she wants to. perfuma wants to be better. she will do whatever she can to be her best self, whether that be actually conquering her gripes with cacti or realising there’s a loophole with the roots (love that conflict resolution by the way, another good deconstruction of hero bs by spop).

this episode is also significant because it comes back to perfuma’s fear of change, of vulnerability. she’s thrown into a situation she doesn’t want to be in, one she feels miserably unprepared for, and she hasn’t done the one thing that puts her at her best beforehand, but she pulls through in the end because she is surrounded by people that support her, that listened to her and consoled her when she was vulnerable. 4x02 teaches perfuma the power of self-worth and the power of true, mutual, unconditional love, which can only come with vulnerability.

and this is where her character gets really interesting, in my humble opinion. ngl, one of the reasons i love perfuma so much is because she’s a pisces and i am too. i’m not gonna go astrology hoe on you rn, i’m just using this to demonstrate the part of her character that teaches others. pisces, if you don’t know, love to play therapist. we like to help the people around us with whatever strifes they may have because we think we’re fucking great at it. perfuma actually is.

you know how i said perfuma learns the importance of self-belief and vulnerability? yeah, she teaches both of those lessons to other characters in s5. like i said, perfuma is a character who values self-betterment and also happens to be a pisces, so when she sees scorpia, riddled with so much self-doubt and such low self-esteem, her immediate response is just i’m gonna teach that bitch how to love herself. and she does!

i’ve seen some people say they don’t like scorfuma because it seemed as though the writers just decided to ‘fix’ all of scorpia’s problems by giving her a girlfriend. that’s very dumb, first of all because they aren’t even together by the end of the show, they’re just interested in one another. second, the whole point of she-ra is that we’re stronger together. scorpia doesn’t go through growth in s5 because a girl likes her, she goes through growth because someone is showing her support and love for the first time in her life and that empowers her. you know, the worth that scorpia finds in herself doesn’t hinge on perfuma, like it did with catra. it’s about her as an individual, and perfuma so clearly makes it about that when her big lesson revolves around singing. scorpia loves singing. perfuma tells her she should do it because she enjoys it, a sentiment you’d never hear in the horde, and when scorpia does sing, she is actively rejecting the people who did make all her self-worth hinge on them catra. she’s doing something for herself, because she enjoys it, because it makes her happy, because she can.

it’s that same mantra: i can do this, i can do this. i really love how this was brought back from 4x02, how perfuma repurposed something that taught her such a valuable lesson for someone else. perfuma and scorpia are great foil characters actually, both constantly underestimated and thought of as weak by their groups, but some of the strongest characters in the show due to their deep value of love and self. i can do this, and i know i can because you believe in me, because i believe in myself. it’s brought back again in 5x10, when the last thing perfuma says before scorpia breaks the beam is ‘i know you can [pull through]’. she tells catra she believes in scorpia. it’s that belief, that support from other people that empowers the self to believe it too. we are stronger together, you know??

anyways, onto vulnerability. return to the fright zone is in my top ten episodes of the whole fucking show and you might think that’s a bit weird but i don’t. 5x10 encompasses so many important themes of spop so well and tells them with scorfuma and spinnetossa, our two side lesbian couples. this is significant since perfuma literally draws a parallel between her and catra at the end of the episode, and catradora and spinnetossa have always been significant to one another. i’m gonna say it, perfuma is the reason catra is finally able to confess to adora in 5x13. i’ve already talked about how important perfuma is to catra’s motivation to improve, but she literally makes catra rethink everything about strength and vulnerability, two words catra has a lot of feelings about.

catra fears vulnerability. we know this. she has such a deep love for those important to her but is never able to articulate it because she worries she’ll be taken advantage of, shot down, laughed at, whatever. all of this stems from the abuse she suffered at shadow weaver’s hands and her attachment issues, and it’s also why catra pretends to hate scorpia’s very open displays of affection and love: she sees it as weak because she has been taught to, but it’s all she ever really wanted to be.

we also know perfuma used to fear vulnerability. she doesn’t any more. the entirety of the episode leading up to her and catra’s heart-to-heart is her being vulnerable, putting herself in a position where she’s in danger but believing it’s worth it. and it is. despite what everyone said to her, perfuma is right: it was worth it. she got through to scorpia, even if it was only for a moment. she literally spells it out to us and catra with one of the best lines in the whole show: it’s hard, keeping your heart open. it makes you vulnerable, but it doesn’t make you weak, and i have to believe it’s worth it.

back in 1x10, perfuma was right: being together makes you vulnerable. horde prime tries to use people’s relationships against them, that’s literally the plot of save the cat, the point of pitting catra and adora against one another. he sees them as weak, just like shadow weaver deems adora’s feelings for catra ‘confusing’, just like light hope insisted adora was a danger to her friends as long as she was around them. they were all wrong. yes, they’re vulnerable. perfuma acknowledges that vulnerability puts you in danger, that it’s difficult to do that, but she knows it doesn’t make you weak. weakness vs strength is a big conflict in 5x10 literally introduced to us with netossa’s theories on everyone’s weaknesses in the first few minutes.

like perfuma says, friendship isn’t a weakness. it’s her greatest strength. her belief in love is literally what saves her and adora’s lives, it’s what saves everyone who got chipped, glimmer, bow. belief in love, both of others and yourself, is what saves adora in her dying moments. perfuma summarises she-ra’s entire fucking message to us repeatedly in 5x10 and she tells it to catra because catra is the one who will do the most with it. that glance at adora, it’s obvious what it means. perfuma is telling catra she should be open with adora about her feelings because you have to believe it’s worth it.

you won’t get anywhere waiting for other people to make the move. she-ra couldn’t heal plumeria’s lands, so plumeria had to fight their own battle alongside her no matter how much they felt unable to. the rebellion couldn’t move mara’s ship, so perfuma had to despite thinking she wasn’t strong enough. the reason they always win in the end is because they have each other, they have love and support and people motivating them to do better. just like perfuma motivates herself to do better.

it’s the mantra. i can do this. i can be vulnerable and still win, because i have love. and it’s hard, it’s so fucking hard to be vulnerable when you’ve feared it all your life and you’re so angry, so hurt, but you have to believe it’s worth it. and it is. it is, it is, it is, love is stronger than anything and being vulnerable for the people you love is the only way you can ever get what you want from them. perfuma as a character embodies that, having learnt it herself, and teaches the lesson to one of the characters who needs it the most.

adora is dying, and catra loves her, and she knows she does, and she just has to believe. adora is dying, and she loves catra, and she knows she does, but she doesn’t believe. not until catra teaches her too, in that moment, to realise they were all wrong, light hope, shadow weaver, horde prime. adora doesn’t need to let go, she needs to hold on and believe she will be pulled back up by the girl she loves. she needs to believe she deserves it. that it’s worth it.

and it is.