#and sam's sad about rowena (??) but kinda just giving up generally

[zmediaoutlet]

Sam’s not sleeping when Dean pulls off the road. “What,” Sam says, although without a lot of interest. State highway after midnight and exactly no one to see, but Dean coasts down the gravel shoulder to the pitted asphalt-and-dirt road that turns off into—sparse woods, a sign that says NO HUNTING. Sam snorts.

“Gotta take five,” Dean says. Sam nods, arms folded over his chest. Shadow-shapes in the dark, his eyes slanted away at some terrible inward thing. Out of the car there’s moonlight peeking through the tree-tops and Dean left the headlights on, so he doesn’t trip and break his neck on his way to water a patch of weeds. He zips up and then stands there, breathing. Dirt and mulch. Kinda acrid now but not any worse than the woods usually are. Not that different from where they’d buried the vampire kid—god, less than six hours ago. Soft dirt there and they’d made a good grave, burned him right, covered the charred bones. Sam hardly looking at him then, too. Like finishing the hunt hurt as much as sitting around thinking about the other dead kid had.

Dean hasn’t got much in his back pocket, when it comes to making Sam feel better. They’ve been doing this so long they’ve got rhythms they follow and he knows that he’s—tough, sometimes, and he can be a real pain, and Sam always seems to have some way to grip Dean by the wrist and pull him up and be solid as mountain rock for Dean to brace against. He doesn’t have a roadmap for when the rock starts to slide under his feet. He can say some of the dumb crap he’d offer to civilians but Sam’s too smart for it to work; he can offer work, or duty if work itself doesn’t do the trick, but Sam’s never felt the pull of that the same way Dean has, and if Dean’s honest he’d be freaked if Sam really bought it. With how Sam’s been talking Dean’d be willing to throw on Steel Magnolias and give him a foot massage if he thought it’d help, but it wouldn’t, and he doesn’t have much left to offer, to try to make it—not fixed. Fixing it isn’t something he’s been able to do since he was five years old and everything went wrong. But maybe it could be—

He comes back to the car and opens the trunk, instead. Then to the passenger side, where he opens Sam’s door, and Sam looks up at him narrow-eyed but not frowning. Tired. Sad, which makes Dean’s throat do something weird, and he clears it before he says, rougher than he means, “You gotta piss or anything?”

“No,” Sam says, tilting it like Dean’s the weird one. Well, fair enough.

Dean nods. He twists the cap on the bottle he fetched and takes a long burning swallow. Sam shakes his head when Dean holds it out but Dean waggles it at him, and Sam’s not yet so oatmeal-hippie-health conscious that he won’t have a drink with Dean on the wrong side of dawn. His lips pull back like it stings. “Good value for fifteen bucks,” Dean says, and Sam raises his eyebrows, and Dean crouches then in the open door, puts his hand on Sam’s leg. Curling his fingers around the inside of Sam’s knee.

They’ve been doing this so long, they’ve got rhythms. Sam’s chin tips down. “I don’t…” he starts, but he bites his lip and breathes in long and slow through his nose and Dean doesn’t know what he would say, anyway. That it was too fucked up, that he missed all the people they’d lost, that the dark was so heavy it had this velvet choking intensity, so bleak no light could ever get through. Pick a number.

But Dean’s left the headlights on. He pulls, and Sam swivels on the seat so his bootheels crunch in the gravel, and Dean settles down on his knees and reaches up and puts his hand on Sam’s face, and watches Sam close his eyes. His jaw clenching. Stubble thick and sharp and his face as hollow as it was when Jack—when—

Dean unbuckles Sam’s belt. The button, the zip, and once he smacks Sam’s hip he lifts up enough so Dean can yank everything down. He’s soft but so what. Dean’s worked with worse. He spreads his hands over Sam’s bare thighs, hair prickling in the autumn air, licks his mouth wet, and when he takes Sam in it’s—everything familiar, good. Gravel biting into his knees through his jeans. He tongues under the soft ridge of the head, breathes through his nose. The rarity of getting to go down to the base without choking, suckling soft, salt under his tongue and the bitter of a long day and Sam’s fingers sliding through his hair, holding the back of his neck so careful. Like Dean will get hurt, doing this thing he’s been doing as long as his life has been worth anything. Like Dean’s doing Sam a favor, here, when he’s split halfway between wanting Sam to stop thinking and wanting his own brain blank as a snowfield.

A weird strangled breath, above. Dean slurps back and kisses Sam’s hipbone, and drags his shirt up and kisses his belly, hair prickling his lips. “Let me,” he says, asking for—a lot, maybe—and Sam doesn’t say anything but his thumb drags up into the soft hollow at the top of Dean’s spine and his thighs tip wider. Dean presses his forehead to Sam’s stomach. Weirdly grateful, in a way he can’t ever say aloud. This one good thing. Then he pushes Sam to sprawl back across the bench seat, and holds Sam’s hips in his hands, and takes his brother into his throat.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

Possibly a big ask to get just out of the blue but: what are your Supernatural season opinions? Which one is your favorite? Least favorite? Did you watch long enough to have showrunner opinions? If yes, which showrunner is your favorite and which is your least favorite? If no, which season that you haven't seen most tempts you to get back in the Supernatural trenches? Answer exactly as many of these questions as you want to. Carry on.

You know, I am not sure how long this Ask has been sitting here, because my Tumblr notifications are borked -- I hope not long? If long, I apologize, I wasn't ignoring it on purpose!

Okay, so I have more than the average number of Supernatural opinions, probably, but I'll try to keep this to a dull roar! Inside Me There Are Two Wolves: one of them believes that only the original five seasons of Supernatural are worth defending in any way, the other really, really loves seasons 11 and 12. The Kripke Era had a lot of problems, particularly in its treatment of women as bodies without agency and its treatment of Black men as literal predators, but also for all its flaws, it had a kind of coherence and narrative drive that comes from being the product of a dude who obviously cared about it and had something to say. Taken on its own, seasons 1-5 are a brutal and compelling story about the traumas of being men in a universe that's been absolutely destroyed by its Fathers: on almost every level, it's about these abandoned and brutalized boys discovering that their entire reality is the product of an abandoning and brutalizing God, populated by authority figures who are universally demanding and arrogant, but also completely fucking useless. It's quite literally about Sam and Dean trying to hang onto their souls and their own agency when everyone around them wants them forced into shapes formed by conflicts that fell into place at the beginning of time. It's hard to remember, but back then even the Lucifer plotline was about that! It was about the damage fathers inflict on sons! Things were about things, in the Kripke era!

Then we get to the Gamble era, and. Woof. I actually -- don't hate 6 and 7? Like everything Sera Gamble touches, those two seasons are kinetic and memorable and funny and weird and hit some really, really great emotional beats. There are Some Problems, but Gamble was saddled with a pretty dire job, trying to find a way forward after everything about the series really had effectively wrapped up in Swan Song, and I think she did an okay job. People got mad at her for killing Castiel, but you know, damn, I give her this: that was a storyline. Like, this character who was fresh out of the cult he was raised in becoming disillusioned by how messy normal life is and deciding that maybe people need better authoritarianism instead -- the way he's driven to take too many risks by the fact that he's abandoned and desperate -- Crowley as a legitimately scary villain while still being charming af -- and the tragic resolution of Castiel being torn apart by both his hubris and his heroism. It's actually really good. I understand why people didn't want what Gamble was serving up -- and I'm able to like it because it was undone later, you know? -- but she really did commit to a full season of character arc and saw it all the way through to an earned ending, and I gotta respect that.

I genuinely hate seasons 8 and 9. I think everyone is a dick, particularly but not exclusively Dean, to the point where I just find it a bummer to watch. I mean, you get Benny, and I love Benny. You get, I dunno, bits and bobs of decent episodes, but overall they are very fucked up seasons in my opinion. So Carver era is on thin fucking ice with me, but I do think you start to get a rebound in season 10 with the Mark of Cain stuff, although I wish they'd managed to keep Cain around longer. All the really good Claire stuff starts happening, which is nice because Claire, but also because for once the show is really letting itself go back and deal with the mess these protagonists leave behind them constantly. Castiel and Claire have maybe the most interesting non-Winchester relationship on the show. Oh, and Rowena shows up around here too, right? Love her. So the back half of Carver, 10 and 11, are starting to really gain traction for me. The world is building outward, secondary characters are starting to be genuine characters in their own right, the politics of Heaven and Hell get a little richer and more interesting. The show is really starting to feel like it takes place in a universe, which is great because we love the Frigging Winchesters, but they shouldn't be the only thing going, right? We have 15 seasons to get through! Season 11 is basically bracketed by what are probably my two favorite Supernatural episodes: Baby and Don't Call Me Shurley. (I think I'm the world's only living Metatron fan; I fucking love that little dude.)

Dabb takes over in 12, and I really, really, genuinely love season 12. I fucking love Mary. There are so many episodes I adore -- Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox is a special favorite of mine, and I remain pissed off that the Banes twins never made it to recurring status, bluntly that feels wildly racist to me -- probably the best three-episode streak in the show is Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets to Regarding Dean to Stuck In the Middle (With You), three just almost perfect episodes. So I was poised to really love the Dabb era. I wanted to! My body was ready!

And I do really love the first chunk of season 13, the Widow Winchester arc. Obviously I'm a romantic, love that for me, but it's just also really good? The acting, the writing, the psychological complexity of Dean wanting Jack to be Bad so he has an outlet for his anger and Sam wanting Jack to be Good so he can retroactively parent himself and raise a Lucifer-tainted child who isn't crippled by self-loathing. Billie's great, and it looks like she's going to start being one of the major powers of the universe. Unfortunately -- with the occasional exception of this or that solid episode -- that's kind of the end of Pretty Good Supernatural. Season 13 kind of unravels; season 14 always feels like it's looking for itself (which is a bummer, because I wanted very much to care about Michael); season 15 is, idk. Idk about any of it, it's all pretty pointless. I feel bad complaining on some level, because the show's been on for like fourteen years at this point! It's kinda justified in feeling a little worn out. But the reality is that the later seasons systematically undo all the expansion that had excited me earlier -- the Wayward Sisters crew pretty much vanishes when the spinoff isn't picked up, Naomi and the angels stop doing anything, Crowley's gone, Mary's gone for much of it. We're just kind of futzing around with monsters who don't seem to matter (very much including Lucifer, who hasn't mattered in ages) and a lot of Jack, who. I try not to shit all over, because I know he's a popular character, but I find him just ungodly boring. Everything in the last two and a half season just feels like it's headed nowhere in particular, and also it bored me. The Empty deal is just sadness porn; it doesn't have any resonance or meaning in terms of Castiel's character, it's just him agreeing to die for his kid, which is okay, it means he's a loving dad, which he is, but there's no conflict there, ergo no real drama. It's just mean; it happens because it'll make us sad, and no other reason. Rowena is the only strong secondary character left, and her ending also doesn't feel particularly relevant to her, it's just a generic Sacrifice to Save the World. Everything just feels like they're autogenerating plotlines, rather than letting the actual needs and drives of the characters shape the narrative. So while I have this weird split personality with Carver where I either hate what he's doing or I love it, most of the Dabb era is just. There. It doesn't make me feel anything except kind of tired and embarrassed. Which is a bummer, because I have an inexplicable fondness for Dabb, probably just because of how much I love s12. I wanted to love his seasons! I did love his first season! I feel like maybe something happened when the CW rejected Wayward Sisters? I know that was kind of his darling, and it feels like maybe losing that kind of sucked the joy out of him, and he's kind of checked-out by the end. That's genuinely just my guess, however.

That's Professor Milo's Intro to Supernatural Studies, don't forget to fill out your course survey on the way out!

[thetiredstuff]

Omg hi you reblogged a give me a character ask game so I give you:

Rowena (from spn)

and Charlie (also from spn)

Oh and how about Toph from Avatar why not

Hiiii!!! i'm so sorry for the very very very late reply. i always post stuff like this and then kinda run out of spoons and then forget about it cuz i'm genuine awful at anything remotely having to do with replying to messages on time BUT i remembered now lol so here we go

Rowena

How I feel about this character: i'm honestly pretty meh about rowena. idk when it comes to entertainment and the characters i'm very black and white and she started off as not a villain but not good either? and i don't get that attached to characters. like i'll latch on to one character in every series/book/movie i watch maybe two but a lot of the time the characters don't even really speak to me. So i'll enjoy the storyline but just don't really care for the characters all that much. Honestly that's probably why i'm such a spn fan because out of everything, spn did a tremendous job really building their characters and layering them. well the ones i love lol and those are with maybe two or three other characters the ones i truly love but Dean and Cas cannot compare to anyone. so with rowena i warmed up to her towards the end and i did really love how her mortal story ended but just pretty lukewarm in general about her.

All the people I ship romantically with this character i kindaaaaa shipped no shipped isn't the right word—i wasn't opposed to sam and rowena and i could honestly kinda see it except that there was more of a mentor/mentee relationship than a romantic one i guess. but i didn't really ship her with anyone. she just seems like someone who doesn't want a relationship. like some one nightstands? sure. a friend with benefits (although i don't know about the friend part)? also sure. not so much a relationship. like we know she hooked up with au!charlie and from my pov i look at it like rowena just wanting to bang no strings attached and that's why it eventually just didn't mesh between the two.

My non-romantic OTP for this character i did really like the storyline with sam expanding his witch powers (before that was just dropped lol) for which he needed rowena to teach him so i liked that. and i also just really liked how rowena (like any sane person) flirted with cas some. but not really anyone that stands out? she's just always been a bit of a lone wolf and it suits here without it being sad

My unpopular opinion about this character idk if i have one? i don't think i have one. absolutely hate that she either slept or showed interest in ketch (idk every storyline with ketch i try to just forget about) because i vaguely remember that he tortured her?????? and like????? no????? but that was buckleming so what did we expect really?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. just more mentor teaching moments between her and sam. i really am disappointed that we never saw the potential of it (but what did i expect hahah) and i wish we got to see her more or at least one last time during the end of spn, the final episodes, but well i would have loved to also not have had those last two episodes sooooo

Charlie:

How I feel about this character: Absolutely fucking love her. Already loved her the first five minutes of her first episodes and it hasn't changed since.

All the people I ship romantically with this character I don't really ship her with anyone just because we never saw a lot of her girlfriends. For me to really ship her with someone, I'd need to see her girlfriend or just around other female friends and we didn't get that really. But i ship her with whomever makes her feel happy cuz she deserves that.

My non-romantic OTP for this character Dean, I mean is there any other answer really? I really loved their relationship and how charlie was able to bring out the more nerdy side of Dean while also kinda bulldozering over him but in a good way.

My unpopular opinion about this character again don't think i have one?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. I wish she was never fucking murdered by fucking nazis. I was sobbing like crazy watching that. I was binge watching spn then and had to take a break to cry. but i genuinely cannot imagine watching that live. i know a lot of fans left after that and i completely get that because that was genuinely so fuckign awful. fuck you buckleming and singer because there was no reason for her to be murdered. on a happier note, i wish we saw her and cas more together. just them on a hunt or something. that would've been amazing and she for sure ships destiel so it would've been interesting to see how she reacts to them.

Toph

How I feel about this character: I'm just kinda lukewarm on her tbh. Like don't get me wrong i love what she stands for because she's the kind of character you hardly or never see in a girl on tv/movies and a blind character at that. but okay i was instantly sold on katara from the get-go and she and toph take a while to warm up to one another so i did to her as well and she was really harsh towards aang training-wise. I know why but aang is such a gentle soul and all that it kinda just felt wrong.

All the people I ship romantically with this character No one. I know she liked Sokka but yeah no one. Also i hate the version of her in korra. it makes absolutely no sense to me that she even has kids??? i always viewed her as asexual (i'm aware she was a kid in avatar but still)

My non-romantic OTP for this character just team avatar. i know that's a whole group of people but i really loved team avatar and the roles within the group. OH !! and i loved her moment with iroh!!!

My unpopular opinion about this character i think she was a bit too harsh sometimes but i also know that she was a kid so she might've softened a bit (also i do not recognize/condone her portrayal in korra btw)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. idk toph had some epic moments on avatar and they did some epic things with her storyline so i don't know if there is anything i can think of right now (except not have her in korra cuz i hated what they made her) GIVE ME A CHARACTER; and I’ll break their ass down:

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 15, finally):

Favorite episodes (in chronological order):

15:4 Atomic Monsters - Demon!Sam flashbacks! Dean in a beard! Some old fashioned banter! Meatman! Beaverdale! Love how Sam starts arguing w the parents in the parking lot - Me too, Sam, me too. Loving the self-aware monster. I know Becky is problematique™, but I dig her, so, all kinds of fuck Chuck. He must die, and when he does this is the episode I’ll think about.

15:6 Golden Time - Badass protection spells. Dean in a robe and a hot dog pyjamas. Cas going by Clarence. Jogging Sam. Eileen! God I ship her and Sam, and I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that I don’t ship him w anyone. Liking this ep a lot, every little side plot. Nice. And Eileen is back and I know it won’t last but like, that was awesome.

15:10 The Heroes’ Journey - Pretty neat intro. Monster on monster violence to the sound of Clair the Lune. Oh, and excellent casting of Garth’s kids. Regular people trouble... Awesome! Brilliant! This is the kind of meta storylines this show should deal in, exclusively. Oh my Garth! Explosives! Why isn’t every episode like this?

15:11 The Gamblers - Oh, is this another lucky coin episode? In that case yes please! More inconsequential bullshit kindly! Loving Sam staying in touch w Eileen. Hey guys, remember when you did the gambling thing w your years? And the rabbit’s foot? Good times. Will this be an equally good time? I hope so. A god! Excellent. ”Lady, I’m Tolstoy.” Yeah ya are, and i’m dead. The guys and Fortuna bashing god. And I'm equally delighted and distraught over the lore that god created man, man imagined gods and god decided to create the other gods to play into man’s ideas, or as a distraction.

15:13 Destiny’s Child - Omg the intro! Savage garden! I’m dead. Jack w the sandwich, why is that so funny? Cas is a gem this episode! ”’Sexually intimate’?” Lol. That’s what you get for trying to speak plainly, Cas! Hunter Corp. I’m dead, again. Keep the different Deans and Sams coming! I’m digging this! Why would they send ‘em to Rio? They could be your buffy-bots!

15:14 Last Holiday - Weird people popping up in the hq is awesome. And Dean’s immediate instinct to yell for Sam reminds me of me calling mr mess for everything! ”Shouldnt you be in the woods? Nymfing?” Monster radar? Oh, oh this is excellent. So mrs Butters is capable of murder when home and family are threatened, good for her. They better not kill her. I can accept them returning her to the wild. Yes! Did I call it or did I call it? Good Supernatural, good boy! And Dean making a cake for Jack! My heart.

Fail episodes (in chronological order):

15:2 Raising Hell - Rowena! Instant win. Ketch. Instant lose. Ketch undressing Rowena with his eyes = rating plummeting. Jeez. A bit dangerous even joking about the GoT finale, don’t you think? Rowena and Ketch full on flirting... this is hell, I'm being punished.

15:3 The Rupture - Don’t call him god! His name is Sucky-Chucky. The shock of Cas! “You’ve been playing us the whole time!” This is how it works Cas, where have you been? They're always solving problems like Jason Mendoza. In-Dean-angry-voice: “Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” Rowena! And Sam! No!

15:5 Proverbs 17:3 - Listen, spn, it’s your last season and if you like just wanna stop writing and casting women completely rn i won't stop you or hold it against you (also why are these ladies identical?). We’ve had a terrible run but lets just let bygones be bygones.

15:8 Our father, who aren’t in heaven - Gosh, having Eileen in the show is painful, I’m just constantly expecting a piano to fall on her head. *Ugh* Sucky-yucky-Chucky. But hey, at least everybody else looks better alongside him. Case and point: I never rly cared that much for Donatello, but it’s great to see him, and Michael’s back, sure is nice to see him too.

15:9 The trap - Ugh. Main plot shit and Sucky-yucky-fucking-Chucky. Fail. Although the flashforward to jan 6th 2021 was a hoot (but probably not meant like one, huh?) Dean’s monologue in purgatory though... gosh. This show would be nothing w/o Jensen Ackles. Omg the kiss! Nice. However, the show at this point has lost the ability to offer any sort of pleasure. Because like Sam, we know which way this will go. They used to have some hedonism working for the characters but now they don’t even have that.

15:20 Carry on - You know what? I’m not gonna make this post longer than it already is talking about the last episode of Supernatural, that has been done better by people w real grievances w the show. The kindest thing you can say about the finale is that it just as well could’ve been jammed into a few extra minutes added to the previous episode.

Mediocre mentions:

Drag me away (from you) - what is this ugly cell interface? The opposite of product placement. Yay! Retro episode! And they got the same actor to play Dean, neato! Dean admitting he had a hard time handling hunting, that always gets me. Woah! That scream effect without reverb was kinda startling. And the camera zooming in on the little porcelain clown even though Sam is nowhere n- oh shit. This was an interesting episode

Inherit the earth - Goooood I hate Chucky. Barefoot Sam is okay though. Digging this soundtrack too. Very un-Supernatural. Nice to meet ya Betty, but I wouldn’t pull up a chair if I were you. Always a fan of the shiteating grin. Jack, stripping god of his power, that’s so hot. And again: kudos to the soundtrack! The Youngbloods and then Jackson freakin’ Browne! And you know, it’s clichéd and kinda vacant, but also kinda nice. I’m cool with the story ending like this. Why did they have to do another one? Supernatural has never known when to quit, and this is the very real backside of this.

Honorable mentions:

I don’t know who this Ardat chick is but killing Ketch puts her instantly in my win column.

Winchester-dumb, new household term.

”Feels like were taking a big, probably stupid risk. Feels good.” That made me feel good too.

I’m vastly enjoying this dark-art hippie couple in Unity and Jack’s interaction w them.

Cas launching straight into his dramatic I-will-not-let-you-end-your-own-life-speech when Sam casually mentions he’d like to talk to death in Unity, that angel has seen some things, and he has learned.

Those are some pretty pretty death effects on Jack in Despair/The Truth.

Obviously Misha Collins

Things that makes you go hmm:

Which of the clowns is this supposed to be in Back and to the Future? Because the one from season 2 was a monster, right? So he would’ve gone to purgatory. You know what? I’m not an expert. I try to not pay too much attention ’cause it makes me funny in the head. But just, y’know, a general objection.

Here’s my deal w death as a looming threat in this show: it holds no weight. And even if it did it has been painted as the ultimate relief, unless you go to hell, these characters know for a fact that there’s a potentially blissful afterlife, so their attitude towards death should be, what? More pragmatic, I think. And it’s partly why Ackles is wasted on this show; That man can deliver a death monologue like it’s nobody’s business, too bad all those words have been rendered meaningless after 15 seasons of this shit!

Summing up:

So, I did not go into or leave this season happy, I knew how it would end and I was sad for everyone the show screwed over (more than it already had). Which really meant that I always had to force myself to watch another episode, knowing what was coming. But I had to see it through. I did, so I’ll give myself a pat on the back and get to work on my own personal selection of episodes that will henceforth represent spn to me. A selection I’ll enjoy all the way through. All in all I think the most frustrating thing about the show is how it insists on taking itself so freakin’ seriously. It has always done horror *and* humor best and this whole heaven and hell aspect has never sat right w me, and in any case they should’ve leaned more on “supernatural” narrative tropes (if you will) getting out of their plot problems, gambled some more and thought a bit more outside genre conventions *especially* in their main arcs, they opened up so many opportunities that they never even used. They could’ve been more like Buffy, or Doctor Who. That said, I’ll always get that spn-itch, and when I do, I’ll be happy to have seen all the episodes so I’ll know which ones to avoid.

[reddieandwaiting87]

Hi! I love your blog💕 supernatural ask game: 19, 23, 28 and 30.

Really??!

Thank you anon!!! And thank you for the ask. I have done this one before but I'm sooooooo bored and I can't sleep.

Ok so number

19.) Best possible ending to the show in your opinion?

Well the boys HAVE to be together no way around it.

The perfect ending for me is for SAM AND DEAN. To be the ones to defeat Chuck. Heaven and Hell get sealed up so demons and angels can't get out. But souls can still go into Heaven.

All monsters are gone so Sam and Dean can settled down and live a normal life together or they are still hunting.

Maybe I'm one of the few but the idea of the boy's training the next generation of hunters sounds lame as fuck.

23.) Worst death (sadness-wise, cinematically, morally, personally, etc)?

Just going to make this about the boys.

Dean's worst death, the saddest is definitely in 3x16. Being ripped apart by Hell hounds while all Sam can do is watch. Then waking up in Hell with hooks in him.

Sam's worst death 13x21. It was so unexpected and so graphic and that shot of Sam's dead body in the cave. Is such a weirdly beautiful shot.

28.) Best acting moment in your opinion?

Nothing from S15 thats for sure......well apart for that I can barely breath scene with Sam. Can always count on Jared.

Alot of moments on the show now come across as forced or scenes we have seen a million times. But one of the most recent best acting scenes, was in the 300th episode with Jared and JDM. It was fantastic acting and the scene STILL gets me all teared up.

30.) Favorite moment(s) from the most recent season you’ve watched?

God a good moment from season 15!?!!?

Honestly I can't think of anything and isn't that just fucking sad?!?!

If the writing isn't bad, the acting is or it's got character's I couldn't give a fuck about.

Sigh OK something good....

The Sam and Rowena scene when Sam had to kill her. Sam talking in the Impala about Jessica etc. The bullet wound before they got rid of it. Sam kinda being a witch is pretty neat.

That's all that comes to mind. -____-

That was fun, thank you again anon

[marril96]

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 8: Mean Girls with Nice Faces

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: There’s more to Rowena than meets the eye.

Editor: @cherrypierowena

A/N: Huge thanks to @miss-moon-guardian for the ballet idea!

Studying with Rowena was awesome.

There — you said it. To yourself, in your mind, but you still said it. Admitted it.

It pained you to do so, but still.

The Rowena MacLeod you knew was a proud mean girl who worked hard to get that way and didn't let silly things such as kindness and decency get in the way of her dreams of high school popularity.

The one who tutored you, though…

It was a different girl.

That Rowena was patient. Kind. Attentive. She seemed genuinely invested in helping you out, improving your grades. At times, it seemed, even more than you.

It was weird.

Unreal.

Impossible.

And yet…

"I think I get it," you said after she'd explained it for the third time. Thinking it through to make sure, you worked your way through solving the problem she'd given you. Slowly and meticulously. But, you were pretty sure, correctly.

The weeks have gone by in a flash, and with them your tutoring sessions. You and Rowena met at least once a week; two or three times if the lessons Ms. Hanscum covered happened to be particularly hard.

Meeting Rowena didn't feel like a chore anymore. If anything, it was fun. Sometimes you even looked forward to it, much to the chagrin of your friends.

Crowley was the worst. You'd never seen someone so dramatic before in your life.

Thankfully, Sam was there to even things out. He was supportive of the whole thing. Happily chatted with you about new lessons you and Rowena would be covering. Kept saying how happy he was for you, that you managed to learn something.

You were happy, too.

You never thought learning could be fun.

And you never, in your wildest dreams, thought Rowena, of all people, would be the one to make it that way.

Life was strange.

Rowena watched as you worked, intrigue sprawled over her face, mouth curled in a small smile. Like a child about to open a present and hoping for what she wanted while accepting, and still anticipating, the possibility that it could be her cousin's hand-me-down. Content, no matter the result.

If anything, it seemed she enjoyed explaining things. Even when she had to do it over and over, she seemed genuinely happy. Sometimes she even smiled, wide, teeth and all.

You'd never seen her smile like that at school. Around her friends. Around her boyfriend.

It felt almost like a privilege to see it. Like a dirty little secret only you were privy to.

"Well, well, well," she said, clicking her tongue. She took the paper from you, observed it. Scanned it with her eyes like a hawk tracking a prey. "Someone's been paying attention."

"I take it I did well?" you said, a touch of playfulness in your tone.

"You did excellent!" she beamed. She took a few breaths, fell silent for a moment as if in contemplation. Then she said, "When we first started, I thought you were dumb. You've proven yourself to be quite smart."

That stung more than you liked to admit.

It wasn't exactly a surprise. You were well aware she wasn't your biggest fan, and neither were you hers. And given your grades, you hadn't left the best impression.

And also…

"And I thought you were a bitch," you said with a shrug.

And she'd proven herself not to be.

She'd proven quite… friendly, actually.

Rowena's face fell, but she forced on a smile. "A lot of people think that."

True.

Even some — if not the majority — of the popular kids.

"Well, you kinda are," you said. "At school, at least." You looked at her. Locked eyes with hers. "Why aren't you like this at school? Nice, I mean."

"I am not nice!" she insisted with a huff, lips puffing up in a pout.

Sure, she wasn't.

And you were Santa Claus.

"Come on, Rowena," you said. "You don't have to pretend. Being nice isn't a bad thing."

If she was nice, you wouldn't have come to dislike her. You wouldn't have thought badly of her.

Hell, maybe you would have befriended her right when Sam had.

She sighed. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

She frowned at you. Inspected you thoroughly, as if to make sure it was okay to talk, to make herself vulnerable.

She never did that, you realized. Never talked to anyone about herself, about her feelings. No one bothered to show the slightest interest.

Not even her friends.

It was sad, really. She'd worked so hard to be one of them, to be their friend, only to have to hide who she really was.

You thought she would change the subject, and were surprised when she spoke up in a tone of voice you'd never heard from her before.

"When you're nice, people expect things. And take things. Take everything." She chuckled; a cold, bitter sound. "All it gets you is a hug, not a seat at the big boys' table. And I'm bloody tired of hugs."

She stared at you, a challenge in her eyes. Defy me, it said. Counter me. I dare you.

You wouldn't.

Because you knew what it was like. You understood.

Middle school was hell for you. So many bullies. So many insults and sneers thrown your way. It certainly made you wish to grow hard, to grow bad to protect yourself. To push everyone away and treat them as you'd been treated.

Had Rowena gone through a similar experience?

Had she been bullied?

"Did something happen back in Scotland?" you asked as delicately as you could, careful not to come across as pitying.

The MacLeods were originally from Scotland. Then the father split, and the mother, now single and all on her own with three children, one of whom was a baby at the time, made a decision to move to America. Start a new, hopefully happier life far away from the troubles and bad memories.

It was the summer before Freshman year. Rowena had started high school in a new country. With her milk-white skin, red hair, a sea of freckles, and a thick accent, she stood out. She was different.

You used to think that was part of the reason she wanted to be popular so badly. That, being from overseas, from a beautiful country at that, she thought herself better than anyone, wanted everyone to know how special she was.

But now…

What if there was more to it?

What if it had less to do with her ego and more with self-preservation?

What if all she wanted was to survive?

Rowena smoothened her features, smothered out the distress, the sadness, and pulled on a neutral expression. A horribly fake one. "I don't like to dwell on the past."

Her tone made it clear she wouldn't say another word on the subject.

Fine by you.

It had gotten quite glum here, anyway. Much too serious for a Saturday afternoon.

"So…" Your eyes fell to the paper filled with numbers. Looked them over. Took them in. An empty, idle gesture. You cleared your throat. "Halloween dance is this Friday."

Rowena perked up at that. Her mouth widened into a grin, bright as the sun. "I've already got a costume," she said happily.

"You do?"

It wasn't exactly a surprise. From everything you'd seen (and heard from Crowley), she loved parties. Especially when she got to dress up.

She nodded. "I'm going as a witch."

She was so damn proud of it. Owned it like a queen.

Of course you are, the snide part of you wanted to say. You elected to keep it to yourself. No point in being mean for no reason.

Even to Rowena.

You still didn't like her, but…

There were parts of her you did like, you realized. Like the way she was when the two of you were alone, no friends to give sarcastic quips, no strangers to point and whisper and laugh. Just the two of you, at ease with each other. Somehow managing to enjoy something as dreadful as math.

"That's great!" you said, and meant it.

You were willing to bet she would look amazing.

Hell, the girl had, at one point, managed to make a beige skirt look amazing.

She would rock as a witch!

"Would you like to see?" she suddenly asked.

"See what?"

"My costume."

You found yourself grinning before you realized what you were doing. An involuntary reaction, led by instinct rather than reason.

Humans were animals, after all.

Like a true animal, you heard something you knew you would like, something you knew would feel good, and reacted.

Positively.

So what if that something was Rowena's costume? Or Rowena in general?

It didn't mean anything.

It was just fascination.

"Sure."

She rushed to the closet and opened it wide. There were so many clothes there. So many dresses and skirts and blouses and pants. All in different colors. Some adorned with flowers and intricate patterns, others shining as if drenched in glitter. So… Rowena.

Below them, at the bottom, were a few boxes, alongside heaps of neatly folded clothes. Shoes, most likely. Or accessories. One was open, and you had to step closer to make out what was inside.

"Are those pointe shoes?"

Rowena startled as if pinched. Panic momentarily flashing over her face, she grabbed the lid and shoved it atop the box.

"They are, right?" you inquired, baffled by her reaction.

She owned ballet shoes — so what?

If anything, ballet was kind of fitting for someone like her. Certainly fit the stereotypes.

"They're old," Rowena said. "I used to do ballet when I was wee. Bloody waste of time!"

You weren't so sure. The shoes looked rather big for a kid's foot. Granted, you hadn't gotten a good look at them, but you could've sworn they looked as if they would still fit her.

Whatever.

If she wanted to be weird about it, so be it.

"You sucked?"

"Badly."

Something told you that wasn't true, but you decided not to pry.

She had a right to her secrets. Even if they made no sense.

Rowena pulled out a dress and held it up with pride.

You gasped.

It was an evening gown, the most beautiful one you'd ever seen. It was long, deep black in color, sprinkled in glitter that made it look like the sky in the middle of the night. All stars, no clouds. A mesmerizing sight.

"It's gorgeous," you said in awe.

Rowena was grinning from ear to ear. Proud. Happy to impress. "Isn't it? It's custom made."

Damn.

She must have sold her soul to afford that.

It was worth it. You weren't into dresses, but this one — this one was worth anything.

"You gonna have a matching pointy hat?" you teased.

She scowled playfully. "Maybe."

You laughed.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, that's enough. Back to maths."

"But—"

She held up a forefinger in warning. "Maths."

"I'm good with this lesson."

"You know what they say. Repetition is the mother of learning."

"Well, some mothers suck!"

That made her laugh. You laughed along. Happily. Heartily.

Yes.

Studying with her was definitely awesome.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife @wonderifshelikesroses @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @gaysnakess @angel7376 @cherrypierowena @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @tasyahilker @a-queen-and-her-throne

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Exodus

What is there to say about this episode, really?  It could have been worse?  At least we got a brother hug out of it?  Oh, look, it’s that part of the season where all the places the arc plot failed get desperately glossed over with even more flimflam?   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yeah, I did appreciate the hug and how Sam and Dean had to look away from each other's eyes after and move on to deal with the crap they were still in the middle of.  Of course Dean figures it's all good if Sam is alive, even if he comes with such fugly baggage.  So there was that good moment. Although it was right after Sam set a timer on his phone for twenty one hours.  Which was a rough estimate, not a definitive timeline.  Given by Lucifer.  You know, Lucifer.  Sigh.

The main problem this episode had was that it really desperately wanted to show a conflict for Jack between everyone else and Lucifer trying to win him over.  Even if you take out the part where earlier this season Jack said he didn't actually feel anything in favor of him now having flashbacks o' guilt?  Which has its own issues in terms of the writers going for innately good woobie Jack instead of anything with more nuance?  Everyone in this episode acted as if Lucifer had pulled some kind of angel mojo off-screen to keep them from speaking against him. 

Dean just keeps yelling for Lucifer to shut up – without actually giving Jack any reason for the hostility.  Sam basically avoids the whole situation, as does Gabriel.  Castiel stands RIGHT THERE like a goddamn piece of furniture while Lucifer spews out his same old tired oh-poor-misunderstood-me spiel.  They don't have to engage with the bullshit claims about Lucifer corrupting humanity he’s whining about, just say all the shit he personally did!  Creating demons from twisting human souls.  Torturing Sam for keeping him from his plans to destroy the world.  Lying - including to, notably, Jack's mother.  There is no real conflict here and you can't make a believable one happen by just having everyone go suspiciously mute for reasons, ffs!

Also, remember all that nonsense in season eleven about how Lucifer turning against God wasn't entirely his fault, it was because he had the Mark of Cain?  Remember how we had the Winchesters bizarrely advocate for his ass to make God apologize to him for being such a meaniehead?  Except, oh, whoops, when they have their big talk, Gabriel is back to saying that it actually was all Lucifer's fault again.  Without any mention of the Mark's influence from him or in any of Lucifer's pity party speeches.  LOL!canon.  

Then we have the usual crap with Mary, the woman who is desperate to bond with anyone … who isn't blood related to her.  The Winchesters were worried all season about saving Mary, desperate enough to risk tearing the fabric of the universe – for reasons!  Despite how many other characters they had much closer actual good relationships to they've let go.  Here, they finally find Mary - who blithely (and rather insensitivity, considering Sam just died) goes on about how she totally understands how they went to so much trouble! Buuuut, fuck off home boys I will always find somebody I care about more than you!  That whole big, cathartic hug and resolve to have a real relationship with each other?  Oh, look, the writers turned that clock right back just to give us more bullshit shallow soap drama of the Winchesters being super invested in a Mary who clearly does not actually give a single fuck about them and isn't shy about letting that show.  I mean, if I felt like the writers were doing this on purpose, intending for us to feel like Mary is just a deeply shitty person at her core, at least that would be something.  Instead they keep trying to insist there's a relationship here both ends care about but, oops, ~*somehow*~ abandonment drama keeps happening!  I honestly don't know why I'm supposed to find Mary any less contemptuous than Samuel Campbell.  Seriously, why?  I question whether she would literally adopt Lucifer before she would be considerate of Sam and Dean's feelings at this point.  I don't get why they, or I, should care about her given the givens.  AT ALL, let alone to the point of risking reality - or are we forgetting about that whole warning thing from Billie completely?  Which is not even to mention the way Mary basically laughs at Dean's concern Jack could go dark side.  Oh yeah, the woman who spent last season being duped by the BMOL and schtupping Ketch obviously has superior judgment about things like that!  Not to mention the irony of her saying of course Jack will be interested, Lucifer's his father, no harm can come of that!  Or are we not supposed to draw a parallel between how much Sam and Dean risked this season in the name of their likewise shit mother for no more substantial connection?  

At this point I honestly wonder, does Singer or somebody else on staff have an unholy fuckton of mommy issues?  First there was that whole horrible tumor of a plotline with Crowley and Rowena and now this nonsense.   Oh, but look, Mary's soooo cool, she's such a “badass” fighter and keeps punching Lucifer in the face, LOL!  That totally makes up for it!  In short - fuck you, SPN writers, for once again making alive!Mary less of an understandable three-dimensional character than she was when she was dead.  

After the reunionating, we waste some time with some random Apocaworld NPCs.  Remember how Michael was supposedly amassing his forces at a weak point between realities and was going to break through and attack the regular world at any time?  On top of the whole rift spell thing?  Time sensitive, nah, the good guys are going to sit here waffling back and forth for a while with some nobodies and a replacement goldfish Bobby about whether they should stay in their burned out world.  Who cares?  I don't.  It’s especially comical following as it does after the previous week’s OMG NO TIME!!! malarkey.  Also feel pretty awkward about the celebration at the end, these people are either strangers or strangers wearing the faces of dead friends that they've just randomly invited into their supposedly secure bunker of magical artifacts.  Acting like being all blasé about it is not kinda creepy is ... really very creepy.

In terms of the whole Charlie and Ketch on a mission side plot, I think the writers were desperately trying to create some kind of meaningful parallel between regular Cas and Indiana Jones cartoon villian reject AU!Cas.  With them both doing the angel interrogation thing and the line about being the same, or whatever?  Like, if they can just desperately imply AU!Cas is actually badass then therefore vicariously...  Even still, I actually minded this ridiculous IHAVEANACCENTSOI'MADIFFERENTCHARACTER!Cas less than the previous ones?  Putting aside the part where it’s complete nonsense that he’s the only familiar angel with the same damn vessel, somehow, for reasons?  I could actually see a clueless alternate universe Cas trying to figure out how to be intimidating to humans and ending up doing a bad adventure film Nazi impression. 

Bad accent shenanigans and faux depth attempts aside, I did enjoy the rescue scene.  Not!Charlie's reaction to being hugged by a giant stranger and Ketch's look and quip at Dean particularly. While I think they missed a bit of an opportunity to make a direct Satan at the wheel joke when they had Lucifer drive the bus, I found it amusing for that nonetheless.  I also actually did like the scene between Sam and Jack and Lucifer there as they’re leaving.  Putting aside the general thrust of the episode's story and exactly why Jack figured he'd be able to pop off and kill Michael in five minutes or so, it was pretty apt to have Lucifer talk to him about thinking you're doing the right thing and having the right thing go wrong.  Of course Lucifer knows all about that - back when he was actually scary, it was how he manipulated everyone.  It's almost out of place for how much sense it makes here for him to sway Jack with that reasoning.  I also actually liked that Rowena had managed to find a way to bolster the spell and keep it open just that much longer.

Not so much in favor of how, of course, Michael shows up at the very last second.  Or how Gabriel offers to sacrifice himself by fighting more powerful AU!Michael with … basically zero grace power.  It made no sense at all, made his resurrection to ruin his redemption arc just to give him a different one even more essentially pointless, and literally the only reason Jack didn't stay behind as the most powerful member of their party to guard their retreat was scripted contrivance.  More specifically, to have Sam ditch Lucifer so Lucifer will team up with Michael and maybe to Jack be all upset?  Which, again, if it happens can only happen because no one was actually willing to tell him exactly why everyone knows his father is a dick. BECAUSE REASONS!  So much eye-rolling, so little time.

I mean, it's not like Michael wasn't already planning to come through elsewhere anyway.  It's not like they didn't already try ditching Lucifer in Apocaworld once already and saw how permanent of a solution that WASN'T (including how it gave Michael an extra source of archangel grace).  It's not like Lucifer is capable of ever figuring out redemption involves real remorse and might actually turn good so there was some real dilemma for him here beyond having to team up with someone he hates.  I guess there were actually some people that were all pissed off at Sam on Lucifer's behalf but that's incredibly gullible and weird, tbh.  Like, there are people who actually bought all that crocodile tears sad face self pity bullshit? Just … wow.

Anyway, maybe this dumb idea of an ending will have some non-contrived point that comes up in the finale episode that I haven't got to yet, but I seriously doubt it.  

[spnreactionblogging]

the rupture

SPOILERS BELOW

okay so going into this i already know that rowena dies because the very next day my google feed was full of "OH NO! [SPOILER] DIES!" and then "Ruth Connell interviewed about dramatic episode!" so like okay, hard to get motivated now

new homestuck also happened and that was highly distracting but here I am now finally on saturday night ready to watch

still can't hear "ardat" without thinking of homestuck either

the "gadget that vacuums up souls" is just the thing from ghostbusters

I hope these two new hunters don't immediately die

I like rowena's outfit

the book props are always a delight to see

I have also missed seeing them pour salt around perimeters in general

i like this spell in italian, i like "turn gossamer into concrete"

i'm drinking expensive bourbon with cheesy sun chip sun puffs and no one can stop me

i went to look up who wrote this one (berens) and google really wanted it to be "the rapture" and i'm like yeah no it's definitely "the rupture"

"It would be like tossing mousetraps at the Great Plague!" is a hell of a line

I am sad seeing castiel follow after jack's reanimated corpse

I like these two shots, of cas and belphegor, and then rowena on the stairs

sam is a good person trying to check on everyone

calling chuck/god a glorified fanboy is wild

this page in the book is cool? I guess this has something to do with how she samifers herself into the ghost hole or whatever that I got spoiled on

"That's the longest you've ever looked me in the eyes." "You don't have eyes!" "True."

wow fuck you dean

"Yeah, Cas'll go. You've been to hell before." everyone in this fucking room has been to hell before! "Well, it sounds like I don't have a choice." "Good. Great. Go team." fuck you dean so much

:( that poor nurse didn't deserve to go like that

and here's ardat

so ardat is going to burn belphegor and that's how we see jack's fucked up body later? idk

I guess ketch is dead now too, that was extremely gruesome

so are they going to give this new hunter a name

dean's calling belphegor "bel" in text messages

I still refuse to acknowledge "cass"

"Sam and Dean are just using you. Don't mistake that for them caring about you, because I can assure you, they don't." bet cas is feeling similarly right now :(

"Wow, you learn that the hard way?" spot on belphegor, fucking ouch

I feel kinda bad for belphegor's friend but not that bad really

the actor was pretty fun for a bit part with a few lines

"dude is that the haxon ring?" "yeah pretty sweet right?" lmao

I love when cas reads other languages

I wanted to hear castiel singing

I like that rowena noted that sam was the closest they had to another witch, I miss sam having powers honestly

sounds like ardat had a point

castiel knows what it's like to have a kajillion souls in you, it's rough being overclocked

I like sam and rowena chanting together and I'm happy for the people out there who ship this

oh cas sweetheart i'm so fucking sorry you had to do this i'm so fucking sorry

god, misha's face though. this is gutting me

"death is an infinite vessel"

rowena digging that knife into her shoulder is fucked

don't appreciate dean yelling at cas before letting him explain

jared and ruth really knocked it out of the park on this, damn

they definitely gave her a sam winchester swan's song style death

idk how i feel about the maternal imagery of all the spirits of hell being sucked into her gut from a stabbing injury

i like this shot of sam

this one of dean in the hall is good too

is stevie the hunter who was helping? okay yeah i checked imdb that's her

oh cas :(

castiel's totally right, i'm glad he finally got to say all this? and i'm glad he asked how sam was doing

fuck you dean

I liked the music in this episode though

[deansmom]

2.3k of 12.11 coda. spoilers, duh. angst, episode content, etc. it's sad but there's a happy ending. (ao3)

He can’t take his eyes off of his reflection. He’s crying but he’s not really sure why.

There’s something... he’s forgetting something. Everything? Something.

Dean wipes his face off and splashes water on it, a vague sense of deja vu overtaking him. He feels - he doesn’t know how to describe it. Something’s wrong, very wrong, but he’s not sure what.

He leans forward to rest his forehead on the wall and feels something in his front pocket hit the sink. 

He pulls it out hoping it’ll have a clue or a hint what he’s forgetting. 

He stares blankly at the lock screen for a moment. It’s a generic photo, he’s pretty sure. What are those called? Sto...

Dean makes a frustrated noise under his breath and slides his finger across the screen, unlocking it. 

It feels foreign in his hand and it bugs him for some reason. He doesn’t know how he knows, but he knows this isn’t actually his phone - or, at least, it hasn’t been his for a long time. 

He sits down on the toilet and presses the texts icon hoping for something, anything to help him remember.

He blanks out for a moment and the time on the phone tells him that three minutes has passed. He doesn’t remember what he was doing but the phone is still lit up, staring back at him with all these conversations he doesn’t remember having. 

His thumbs hit one called ‘Cas’ and he stares at it for a moment in surprise.

Dean. That has to be him, right?

He scrolls through the texts, hoping it’ll shake something loose in his brain. If this... Cas-person knows his name he has to know other things about Dean, right?

They’re... boring, for the most part. 

A few make him smile.

The texts from last night though... they make him pause.

He can feel his face heating up with how much he’s blushing and, well - he doesn’t have to remember his name to be embarrassed just reading those texts.

Dean locks his phone and shoves it in his back pocket quickly, running a hand through his hair and just stays like that for a few minutes.

This keeps happening where everything gets fuzzy for a moment, like he’s going to pass out, before he gets, like - electrocuted back into reality. At least, that’s what he thinks this feels like. He’s never been electrocuted. 

Dean pushes himself up and walks back out into the motel room and can’t stop himself from visibly startling when he sees the small redhead waiting on the bed.

“Uh,” he blinks, “I -”

The woman laughs, quirking an eyebrow, “Calm down, Dean, we’re...” She pauses for a moment, “Well, we’re working together for now.”

He’s not sure if that’s supposed to make him feel better about some random woman being in his room but he nods, “Uh... okay.”

She seems to take that as the end of the conversation because she goes back to reading a big book and taking notes on the motel’s stationary. 

Dean clears his throat after a moment, “I, uh -” He winces, “What’s your name?”

She looks up at him, surprised, before laughing lightly, “Silly me, I forgot. Yes, you don’t remember, I’m Rowena. I’m a witch.”

Rowena crosses her legs and smirks for some reason Dean is sure is way over his head. “We’re not friends.”

“O... kay?” He shrugs a little, feeling slightly less weirded out by the whole thing

Slightly. 

They sit there in awkward silence for a few moments before Rowena pats the bed next to her, “Sit sit dearie, take a load off. You’re having a rough day, might as well be comfortable during it.”

Dean takes her up on it but he ends up sitting on the bed across from her and keeps his hands on his shoes.

He can feel it getting harder and harder to remember things so he keeps repeating what he can remember in his head: I think I’m Dean, my brother is Sam, I have a mom and Cas is...

“Lord knows what Castiel is to you, dear,” Rowena says through a chuckle without looking up from the book.

Dean just blinks at her for a moment, “Witches... can read minds?”

Rowena looks up, arching an eyebrow at him, “With the proper spell, sure, but you said that out loud, cupcake.” 

He feels his face scrunch up at the nickname before he forces it into a scowl and looks over at the clock.

It doesn’t actually bother him, her calling him cupcake, but it’s like his brain is trying to remind him of everything all at once. He’s not bothered by the nickname but his brain is telling him he should be. 

After a few more minutes of silence and Dean repeating the mantra to himself (actually in his head this time, thank you), he finally asks.

“Cas... what’s...” Dean licks his lips and looks at Rowena, “What’s the deal with them?”

Rowena looks at him for a moment, sizing him up, before she closes her book. “That’s a loaded question if I ever heard one.”

Dean sighs, “I read our, uh...” He frowns, the word not coming to him, so he pulls out his phone and holds it up.

“Your text messages?” Rowena supplies, being more patient than feels normal.

“Yeah,” he nods, gesturing with his phone. “And I think...” Dean frowns at the lock screen again, “I’m pretty sure I’m Dean. I think I am. But if I’m not, I think Dean is in love with Cas.”

Rowena lets out a startled bark of a laugh that turns a little bit hysterical.

Dean almost jumps back on the bed, feeling a little startled himself, “What? Why are you laughing?”

It takes Rowena a few moments before she starts wiping her cheeks off and calming down, “Oh dear, sorry... I just -” She lets out a loud laugh one more time, “Who knew it would take forgetting everything about yourself for you to admit that you are in love with the angel?”

There’s a lot of things that confuse Dean in that statement but he ignores them for now (it’s not like he’ll remember them in fifteen minutes) and asks -

“Do they know?”

He wonders if normally he’d be embarrassed asking. He thinks so, considering something in his gut is telling him to lock himself in a closet and never come out again.

“Yes,” Rowena says through some leftover chuckles. “He knows.”

Oh. So the closet thing was right on the money then.

“Heh,” Dean laughs quietly and despite everything, he feels himself smiling. “Awesome.” 

He forgets again (he keeps doing that) but something’s nagging at him.

Someone, something important.

The doll Rowena gives him is entertaining to a point but eventually he sets it down and goes over to the bed and lays down.

He’s had a headache for... well. Dean has no idea for how long, actually, but he’s gonna guess it’s been a long time judging by how much his head is pounding.

He can feel himself about to pass out before his phone dings on the bed next to him.

He hesitates for a moment before responding.

Dean snorts, finally understanding what Rowena means when she says ‘now that’s a loaded question.’ 

He’s stubborn. Dean likes that in a person (or at least, he thinks he does). He should probably pull the trigger and ask the question that keeps bouncing back in his brain before he forgets again.

Dean spaces for about two minutes and has to reread their conversation to remember. He kinda feels like he shouldn’t respond but this stupid question is the only thing that’s been sticking for the last hour.

He stares at the phone for what feels like just a few seconds (but turns out to be almost ten minutes) while waiting for a reply.

The world starts to go fuzzy again and Dean groans, holding his head in his hands. Rowena ignores him in favor of fiddling with the spell set up and checking her phone for updates from Sam. 

It takes a few minutes for everything to right itself and everything’s worse than it was before. It takes him a second to read the note written in sharpie on his hands.

YOU ARE DEAN.

His phone buzzes again and he stares at it blankly for a moment. There’s... something. Someone, maybe? It’s important.

He grabs it and it takes him what turns out to be five minutes to remember how to open it so he can read whatever made it buzz.

“Huh?” He mumbles to himself, rubbing a hand over his face before responding quickly. 

And then everything goes dark.

He lied to Rowena about not remembering everything.

Okay, well - he doesn’t remember everything. But he remembers enough to leave his phone turned off and packed away in his duffel bag in the trunk the entire drive back to the bunker. 

Sam has been mercifully quiet about the whole thing except for the gentle and annoying (but, uh... not necessarily unwelcome) reminders about the things that are still fuzzy.

Like which key is for the Impala, what exit is the bunker off of, the name of the song on the radio.

The curse has definitely been broken but it’s like Dean’s brain is a brand new hard drive in the middle of a data transfer.

He knows the basic stuff and he repeats it to himself when they stop at a gas station and Sam goes in to pay the man behind the counter.

“My name is Dean Winchester. My brother Sam is in the car with me. We hunt monsters. Our mother’s name is Mary Winchester and she’s hunting by herself. I was born in Lawrence, Kansas. My dad’s name is John Winchester and he was a piece of shit. Cas...”

Even still, Dean has to take a breath at that.

“Cas is our best friend.” 

Sam gets back in the car and Dean takes off without a word and the silence lasts the rest of the way back to the bunker.

When they’ve got everything unloaded Sam stops halfway through shutting the trunk and looks at Dean like he’s afraid he’s gonna get something thrown at him.

“Do you...” Sam seems to make up his mind after a moment, “You remember where your room is? Or you want me to show you?”

And Dean hates that it takes him a minute to remember.

“Nah,” he offers with a small, hopefully convincing smile, “I know where it is.”

He jogs down the stairs into the bunker after that without looking back or waiting for his brother. And he’s glad he did because it takes him two tries to find the right room.

(What? In his defense, they’re coming in from the garage, not from the front door... it’s different.)

Dean can’t even find it in him to be surprised when he opens the door and Cas is sitting on his bed and flipping through Dean’s journal.

He shuts the door behind him and drops his duffel by the dresser without looking at Cas, “Didn’t anybody ever tell you it’s rude to read that shit, Cas?”

He feels Cas’ eyes on him from the bed and part of Dean wants to run away. He keeps his voice rough and as nonchalant as he can.

“Take a picture Cas, it’ll last longer.”

Dean feels a hand on his shoulder and he smiles despite himself, still putting his clean clothes away.

“You know somethin, man? I couldn’t remember which key was for Baby but just now, I knew it was you walking over here. I remembered what it feels like when you’re in the room.”

Cas’ hand just slides down his arm, his hand wrapping around Dean’s wrist. His voice is quiet when he asks, “What does it feel like?”

Again Dean smiles a little bit, stopping his work for the moment, “You can’t laugh at me.”

“I assure you Dean,” Cas murmurs, “I’m not in the mood to laugh.”

Dean turns around at that, swallowing when he sees how close Cas is to his face. There’s maybe six inches between them right now. If he moves at all, his knees are gonna bump into Cas. 

“The room changes...” He keeps his eyes on Cas’ tie, reaches out to fiddle with it absently. “It feels fuller. And you... when you’re all mojo’d up, you don’t have any footsteps.” 

He smooths out the tie with his other hand, “So I can’t ever hear you coming Cas, but I can feel the air moving. And it’s like it’s moving to make way for you.” Dean smiles when the tie is straight, “I always figured it’s cause your wings are there. But the air still made way for you when you were human so I kinda think it’s just you.” 

He looks up after a moment and Cas is smiling at him. Dean’s heart skips three whole beats.

Cas sets a hand on his waist carefully. It’s just resting there, not keeping him in place or grabbing him. He’s giving Dean a chance to back out of this conversation if he wants and Dean’s chest aches with how much he loves him.

“I was worried about you,” Castiel says quietly. His voice sounds deeper than normal, almost rougher.

“You and me both,” Dean huffs and grabs Cas’ free hand, toying with it.

Castiel takes a step closer and their boots bump together before sliding into place next to each other. Their knees bump together now and Dean smiles.

“So...” He finally twines their fingers together, one of his feet hooking their ankles together as well, “You love me, huh?”

Castiel answers without hesitation, “Unfortunately.”

It earns a bright but subdued laugh from Dean that leaves a big, sincere smile on his face. The two of them are a matching set with their smiles and eye crinkles and Dean pulls Cas close enough so he can rest their foreheads together.

“Love you too, smartass.”

[elizabethrobertajones]

12x11 watching notes

For once I think it's kind of obvious what my expectations are if you've been reading my blog... I also was spoiled last night after it aired that my favourite reoccurring guest star is in it, but on the other hand there's a ton of second hand embarrassment... I've just got back from yoga so let's try and be zen and enjoy it :P

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Also it's not a plot episode so I can be a bit more chill and enjoy the MotW nonsense without writing 100 miles of meta. I hope

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Witches! (we already knew that, I'm just putting another note into "the only actual monster we've seen so far has been the one werewolf and one vampire Mary killed and everyone else has been a human, angel or demon this season" jar

I need a better label for that jar

Anyway from the looks of things this episode is all about a very human fear that just happens to be tripped by witchcraft and it would be a fucking waste not to milk it for 99% of the episode)

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Holy shit they used the "poor little guy" from 3x09 that always breaks my heart. Are they really churning up old Edlund stuff so much that the recap was 90% 3x09 and they decided to give Dean a bunny BECAUSE of his broken heart at the sight of the dead bunny in 3x09?

I really hope Edlund is watching this season and laughing like crazy

Anyway before the promo is even over, we have an interesting point of thought for the episode, and a comparison back to Dean revealing a weird vulnerability for no reason in the middle of a case. And more Edlund parallels than you can shake a stick at.

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Oh good the cold open is the witch who curses Dean... Definitely going to milk this for all it's worth. This is like fan fics where the first like 3 paragraphs are "and then they met a witch and it cursed them and then ran off or got killed" and all the rest is just whatever they actually wanted to write.

More Dean running around in woods (Purgatory callbacks), and mirroring a few episodes which started with the traditional cold open victim actually being the monster pursued by hunters.

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Dean waking up lying in the forest on the ground... He's done that a few times, in more dire circumstances I've seen paralleled together - 11x01 and 5x04. Interestingly I guess knocked out both times by a dark mirror to himself but who would never actually harm him. There's something peaceful about the way he has the bunny hanging out with him.

It makes him seem harmless too.

...

You know I could stop watching this show right here... I've seen 12x10 and now I've seen Dean Winchester calmly pick up a rabbit and call it "buddy" I mean... is there even anywhere to go from here?

But I've heard Kuma is in the episode so I shall press on

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Like, emotionally though, I think the show might be over for me :P

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The town is called "Eureka Springs" which is kind of funny, because of the double water association and of course the association to revelation and learning. We gonna get a  big scientific discovery about Dean outside of the now doubly confirmed fact that rabbits are his favourite animal?

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KUMA

Oh dang he's got a big part here... Do I gif all of it?

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I should probably backtrack because I was just reading myself writing about 2x20 for some reason this morning (I think I was looking for something else completely unrelated) and I stumbled on a little discussion about subverting it or, well, its obvious relevance now Mary is around. The woman with the stroller assumes Dean is homeless and tells him not to buy a drink when she gives him some cash, which I guess was a thing in that episode that everyone assumed Dean was a drunk. It's a tiny detail (I mean, he IS an alcoholic, although functioning better than usual and his drinking has got a lot better since he lost the Mark) but if we're peeling back Dean, I think an interesting little one to start with.

I mean, we've started with Purgatory!Dean, and Actual Fluffy Bunny Lover Dean, so... it's a bit wild.

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Dean remembers Sam's number.

Not where he is though.

Waffles! I'm with Dean here.

I too drop everything in a crisis when waffles are an option and someone's just paid me to leave them alone.

(Okay that's never happened - I'm delightful)

"What psycho doesn't love waffles" I mean come on even METATRON loved waffles, although they did not love him. Which is perhaps a more important sign of how dreadful he was :P

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Ah jeeze I really want waffles.

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Promo scene!

We have NO idea what Dean did the night before, so the thing with the girl is even more out of context... I wonder what it will end up being about? He looked like he was pretty busy hunting that witch last night. Events do not add up.

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Sam has been convinced by Dean asking for painkillers that it's a hangover, and I think *Dean*, knowing himself, might think he just got blackout drunk somehow. The woman telling him not to buy a drink remains vaguely important, thematically...

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Sam also is getting concerned, and makes a general life advice warning to Dean to stop drinking so much.

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Okay the girl who slapped Dean comes in, looks at him and goes "oh my god" and is ushered away by her friend - did THAT happen in the promo?

No, no it did not. Her response is given way more attention here - that was definitely edited out for the promo. Crafting the scene to look like something different. Huh. (I mean I know they've used different takes in promos, like in 10x01 using one which completely changed how much of a jerk Demon!Dean looked from the finished product... They do really manipulate these things.)

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I really like how we're dumped on this case like Dean is - we only have one advantage, that we're already aware he's cursed while he isn't. Aside from that, we seem to be discovering it like Dean is, like how Sam springs the idea we're going to the morgue next on us.

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Also did Dean lick his knife more intently in the promo asking for a friend

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Huh I don't think her interaction with him has changed very much - I'm pretty sure she did just say hi then slap him in the promo too. The way she stopped when she saw him though is very suspicious because she sounded so horrified to see him.

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Oh no Sam and Dean are wearing nice coats with their suits. I guess there's gonna be a lot of gifs :P

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Really pretty morgue technician with no lines. Honestly if she doesn't get killed off that will mean finally after a lousy streak, we make it through an episode without a black woman being killed.

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Well the first thing to go is Dean's ability not to be squeamish and weird. There's definitely a text post out there making fun of Dean for spending a year in Purgatory covered in guts, but getting weird about using a public telephone. Well, whatever barrier Dean has up about guts is aaall gone.

Please don't puke, we've made it over a season without you puking on screen and we're doing so well.

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Oh no is this where Dean crashes the car. He's disappearing fast :< I thought that might be later in the episode.

I suppose Sam has to realise eventually that something is wrong with Dean.

I can't believe Sam lets Dean drive when he's "plastered"... I mean he must drive over the legal limit basically all the time and Sam's used to it, but can we just... make this a "wear seatbelts" road safety episode? Please take that car away from him, Sam.

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OH NO Sam takes this moment for honesty hour - "Makes me want to crawl into a bottle too" - when Sam is drinking we KNOW it because he so rarely does it as a coping mechanism. I am indescribably sad about him saying that he feels this way :(

I mean I just take it for granted that Dean feels like shit so it's easier to deal with that :P I've been worried about Sam all season and he gives so few clues it's basically a pictures on a board linked with red string scenario to deduce if he's happy or not >.>

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FINDING DORY REFERENCE

"Not going to apologise for loving that fish. Not to you, not to anyone." Dean has his barriers down and he does not care who knows he likes watching Disney movies. And the fact that it's probably Sam he's most prickly around when it comes to protecting that facade... Sam is, well, gonna learn a lot about Dean he feels like he probably didn't want to know :P

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Honestly, Dean is me trying to remember the names of common household appliances.

There's something really bitchy about the way Sam labels the light stick and then covers the rest of the room in post it notes, even though Dean hasn't forgotten what they all are yet.

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Rowena! :D Mostly because Dean doesn't want to bother Mom or Cas... I notice something there - Cas is someone who a few years ago they'd have absolutely bothered for some weird magical problem. Now Dean wants to keep EMOTIONALLY distant from them because they're his family and he doesn't want to worry them/them to see him like this/him to blurt anything he doesn't remember he isn't supposed to say... In this case the fact that Dean DOESN'T want to call Cas for help sure says a lot more about how much he likes him.

Anyway Rowena is a badass and I love how she gets into these weird scenarios. This one is much better than all the finding a rich husband and killing him malarky - fleecing rich dudes over rigged poker games is definitely more empowering :P

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Okay yeah one of those post it notes says "Wall" - there is definitely a montage we missed of Sam being a hilarious bitch about it to Dean, and they're only phoning for help once it got kind of really not funny any more.

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I wish we saw that

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Dean and his "ICE BUCKET" what a tragedy

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"All these dumps look the same" Dude, don't be rude to Wanek. I'll assume this is because you can't REMEMBER them.

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Also the whole, living in a billion motels and until recently never having a place to call home thing - I was joking ages ago about Dean keeping a scrapbook about all the weird motels they went to or stealing mementos from them to remember the truly tacky ones... But the idea that almost all of them completely blur in his mind and he just doesn't notice or appreciate the differences...

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I love using Dean's "the last thing I kinda sorta remember" to take us to the office. They mentioned Memento but honestly I'm still thinking "Dude where's my car" although I know Dabb hasn't watched that because he's deathly afraid of Emus, so it's possible Glynn had to sell the Memento angle despite having other things in mind.

Like Finding Dory

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Dean steals a cigar (or two) - more implications that he smokes. I suppose when an angel heals you regularly or you were immortal for like a year and a half you kind of don't think of the consequences. I know some people don't really *smoke* smoke, but would have a good cigar if it came their way like this... I think Dean kind of has smoked in phases through the show, especially when he was younger, never mind all the implications he smokes weed, so... him stealing a few cigars is just more sneaky referencing this.

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To the bar! Hey, waitress Dean got slapped by!

We have more stuff with the names and badges - Dean messing up getting his badge out in time because he forgets to do it, forgetting what their cover is... Basically, a little demonstration that he's forgetting their covers in general - HIS covers in general. The FBI identity is something I've written reams on so I won't go into it but yeah it's his Performing!Dean next layer up, and what he does with it can often tell us stuff about how he's acting with his more sturdy and thorough Performing!Dean layer underneath, before we get to fluffy bunny lover Dean who watches Finding Dory.

Anyway she calls him out for using ANOTHER name the night before, and he's like "sometimes we have to lie to protect our cover" which is the most Dean saying ever.

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Oh hey and then as usual with the badge thing, a moment later we're slammed with something RIDICULOUS like, for example:

"And then you hit the bull." "What??" < both Winchesters "Oh yeah, you had the hots for Larry as soon as you walked in." "He - you... rode Larry?" *Dean shrugs like whatever* "Was I good?"

yeah so that's not a coded conversation that sounds SUPER FUCKING GAY out of context and considering the "hots for Larry" comment, doesn't do so badly IN context, especially as it's such a, uh, suggestive thing :P There's a girl riding it in the background and yeah, the whole movement to keep on the bull? I know it seems like a manly sport, but it involves a lot of writhing and pelvic movement and that bull is like as masculine an icon as you can get.

And Dean had the hots for it

oh god :P

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Worked to win the waitress over anyway :P

And she apologises for taking advantage of him. Wow. I don't think Sam and Dean even know what all those words mean put together in that order. :P

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"First action in I don't know how long, and it's like it never even happened. Figures." "See now that's comedy"

When WAS the last time Dean hooked up? Back in season 11 some time... 11x13 it was suggested. (I have a lot of Snymelo vibes from this episode)

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Honestly Cas is living right at the Bunker just man up and go talk to him and I guarantee that I could get you some action in about 2 lines of dialogue if you let me...

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(Sadly last episode actually convinced me that there's really good reasons Cas hasn't made a move and Dean is pining unsuccessfully after him so I can't even be mad :P)

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"It's like watching myself on netflix" Aw

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"I know how to shoot a gun!??"

:D Oh sweetie

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Sam giving Dean the Talk.

No that sort of talk. the "monsters are real" talk.

You know who does that? CRAZY PEOPLE.

Nope, "Awesome. That's awesome."

He's feeling a bit better about the job I guess than back in Yellow Fever where he had the equivalent moment.

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Aw he found a torch! He's so happy! "I'll man the flashlight" Yeah this is Yellow Fever again :P

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Oh god we're only 18 minutes what can possibly-

Jesus Christ Siren Episode reference You've not talked about that for EIGHT YEARS.

See, last night I compared these 2 episodes before this one ever aired with the assumption that the Yellow Fever parallels might be obvious but the Siren Episode would only be a sort of leech onto that because of its own parallels to Yellow Fever so we would have to walk through YF as an intro to the Siren Episode and how it could be applied to this one

(Sue me I was already planning the meta and this episode is following the exact same pattern as Yellow Fever and the Siren Episode so I'm feeling really vindicated, right about now :P)

The point I made LAST night was that Sam had been reading Dean wrong all this time and messing up his chance to understand him in the previous episodes. This time, Sam doesn't really have any reason why he'd get Dean wrong? The enemy of the season is miscommunication and not understanding Dean is Sam's biggest miscommunication.

Whether he's taking advantage of Dean's cheerful no-memory state, and the suspicion Dean won't remember him bringing it up again or what, Sam feels secure telling Dean about the Siren, at least I assume not telling Dean HE was attracted to it, but that this is a thing that happens. Dean can't lash out, Dean doesn't feel defensive... He just takes this information as Sam tells it to him without being weird about it.

The fact Sam remembered and wanted to tell Dean though... Well, like I said, Yellow Fever and the Siren Episode are basically the same thing ESPECIALLY from Sam's perspective. Here he is for the 3rd time and Dean's all fucked up again, and no wonder Sam remembers.

He also mentioned Djinn "not granting wishes" which means my reference to 2x20 earlier was super legit. *more smugness*

(sorry :P This episode is fun. I like that the new writers have watched the show)

Anyway, I'll be thriving off that reminder for a while :D Better carry on watching before I get sucked into a vortex of comparing episodes before I even know how this one goes.

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Aw Sam calls it "the Talk"

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"Best job ever!"

Dean thinks they sound like heroes, Sam, who has the lived experience, voices some actual goddamn complaints about the job. GO SAM. I guess he's thinking Dean won't remember this conversation and so he can voice some things.

So HE does the "you know who does that? CRAZY PEOPLE" speech that Dean didn't make.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAH Bloody handprint. "Our best friend's an angel! WHaaaaaat!!!" I worry :P

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Cas will be fine, I don't think Jared's even had his 3rd kid yet. Misha needs to give them all paternity leave by having more Cas-centric episodes.

What a beautiful set up. Smol babies and more Cas.

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But yeah something horrid might happen to Cas briefly.

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Also Sam told Dean that he was "our best friend" and so Dean is totally failing to grasp exactly what Cas means to him.

He probably only remembers Sam as well as he does because he's right in front of him - if Dean had been with Mary or Cas he'd have forgotten the other 2

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"Is that a dead guy?"

Dean looks grossed out but also "Cool!" because dead monster.

-

Witches! These guys seem like fun people.

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"I want my family back" she says while having Mary's hair and looking at the dead guy.

Oh dear.

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"Is that a dead guy?"

Sam needs to get a post it note for the dead guy.

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ROWENA

"your hair is so bouncy" I think Dean is full of cute observations like this he's just never allowed to say and I think that's so sweet I might barf.

(You should hear how he talks about Cas ANYWAY)

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Dean remembers porn but not quality TV oh dear >.> Sam puts Scooby Doo on for him, which I guess is sort of Dean's role in this episode :P More dogs on TV - reminder of the second "dog that thinks it's people" line with the person who said it the first time in the room...

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"Dean Winchester is going to die." "Sucks for that guy!" Well at least he's happy :P

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Sam drags him away for a toilet conversation

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Dean briefly regains a sense of self and is miserable

Sam why did you do that

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"You know, I've seen my brother die, but watching him become... not him. This might actually be worse" Please, you watched him descend into the Mark of Cain and then babysat demon!Dean for an episode, this isn't new :P

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OH SHIT here's the "my name is Dean Winchester" speech and it's delivered directly into a mirror I am not going to make it

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That was terrible also can I have a new heart something happened to this one *shows a box of shards to the cashier*

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Sam don't be bitchy to Rowena when she's the only one who can help.

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And Dean is struggling to remember anything

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Oh nooooo

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Poor Dean :( :( :(

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or whoever he is

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Sam is putting Dean's life on the line to be weird about Rowena helping them.

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OH NO Dean's still struggling with it

"I don't know"

*wails*

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"Stop touching everything!"

I kind of love poor Dean when he's like this :( He's so sweet and... I don't know. Living in the moment because that's all he's got.

-

Also who is that voodoo doll of because they're having a terrible day too.

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Aww Rowena already hates the British Men of Letters, so I guess she'll be helping later.

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"These witches sound like dicks. I think you have plenty of snuff."

Dean interpreted that she was talking about herself despite not knowing anything. Dean is good at subtext.

Also that has real echoes of "Doug's a dick, you deserve better" which made me squeee over Dean x Donna although obviously as the waitress said, it would be completely taking advantage of Dean so Rowena better not butter him up too much while his barriers are down. Especially as Dean has a "ugh witches!" gag reflex while himself.

It's also interesting that this is a barriers down thing for him to say. He was still getting over ACTUALLY being roofied when they talked to Donna that time, and I didn't think Dean was totally out of it there because he was engaged quite well in the conversation, but heh, it's an interesting comparison.

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"What a gift not to remember the things you've done!"

Oh no don't TELL him, Rowena.

"You're a killer" "scores of people" *gagging* "the greater good" (hey we had a "the greater good" earlier this season, right? I was laughing about the parallels to Hot Fuzz... Was it something the BMoL said? I see to recall paralleling their control of England to the baddies' control of the village)

I like that Dean and Rowena both have a gag reflex about each other's professions. But really loving this dynamic.

-

He might forget in a minute that Rowena told him he was a killer, at least.

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Rowena having honesty hour because like Sam she's assuming Dean won't remember this (as you might have guessed I am fascinated about what Dean DOES remember about this)

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"Power's what matters" Oh my god she's had actual character growth about this because of having to watch God and Amara suck at being the most powerful beings in the universe. Haaa.

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Rowena does love nose-booping Dean

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Sam is being pretty dangerous and scary in that way he gets when Dean is dying. Why do I get the feeling he's about to get a lesson in  being reckless.

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I wonder what the butterflies symbolise. We've seen them on the show before, but in very different contexts. Hope someone else is on that because I have no immediate ideas. Like that they re-animate to cause harm. Not sure how much symbolism here for what though :P

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Aw Rowena does care :D in her own way. No respect for the car. Pfft.

(I feel like someone's gonna be all "Dean remembered Sam when he was in danger!"  but the phone is right there with his name on so I'm not sure)

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Having Gideon laid out like that is pretty ominous...

"We can bring him back!"

Yeah, okay, that was fairly obvious since he was still in the room the whole time :P

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Wow guess they're swapping Sam for him or something.

- Aw Rowena wearing a long black coat and being badass.

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Eeeeee more Rowena backstory.

I love her so much.

I mean everything we learn about her is so sad but it makes her motivations to be badass and not take any shit and obtain wealth and have nice hair really sympathetic :P

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I am really loving how they're making Rowena more sympathetic.

-

Grenade launcher: DENIED

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I swear to god this had better be building to Dean shooting it in 12x23 as the crowning moment of awesome for the season or what is even the point

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Are these all Rowena's notes or did Sam leave the ones in the trunk

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Whoever did it (I shall have to look at your handwriting again) you did good.

BUT

It was using Dean as a weapon. He had no idea who he was, no purpose, just these orders/suggestions and he went on instinct, couldn't even talk, COULD fire a gun, and had enough instinct to load the gun, walk into the house, and fight the witches.

I'm reminded of 9x21 (which I will be watching up next! Aaaah the dang rewatch! And GAVIN coming back...... Although maybe the new and improved Rowena might make that more interesting)... Whoops I... forgot... What I was saying. Uh. 9x21. Dean in the middle of the dark decent. Goes to kill Abaddon (mirrored in the fight with Lily and Ishim last episode), and for the entire scene from the moment he comes in the door, I think until they leave the building, Dean does not speak a word. He just goes in there on instinct, charges Abaddon, and pushes through he wall-shoving to get her, all on this brutal killer instinct that Rowena has reminded Dean he had.

Dean with no sense of self was very cute and goofy, but he retained his moral code (killing monsters bad, person who kills monsters hero) and he retained his killer instinct, so stripping him right down like that, I think this was the message of what has been programmed deepest into Dean, the things that would go last when everything else about him was disappearing. And considering I've been working through the last few episodes of season 9 lately, I'm chilled. :S Especially that the back up plan was to throw Dean at them as a weapon (I wonder if Rowena did it then, because Sam didn't have the thought Dean would do it, unless he labelled it all when they knew it was witches, but earlier in the episode when he was going on  his labelling spree)

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Dean takes Sam on total trust as well about who is the witch and who is his brother. We don't know if that was his instinct or being obedient to what he was told... I'm guessing this is going to be something with 2 readings.

I'm assuming the cheap answer is the love of his brother runs that deep and instinctively he would know.

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Why was Sam NOT at the restoration... Aside from for setting up "who's this hippy"

I mean they even used the sad family music! What jerks :P

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Probably best to piss Sam off immediately so to avoid soppy hugs.

-

"Can't believe you called Rowena" "Can't believe you rode Larry" "Hey, I was awesome on that bull."

THAT'S your take away from this, Sam? I mean I'm thrilled but that's just... hilarious.

Especially as they don't mention the waitress again so the reminder is all about Larry and not about Dean's other conquest of the night :P I’m laughing.

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Does this episode end with Sam leaving the super powerful book of spells on top of the impala and Dean drives off and it falls in the street

-

I say this because I'm feeling emotional about Rowena implying Dean should talk to her if he remembers their conversation, and Sam is now talking about how he's jealous of Dean's no-memories buzz

Dean is like “our life sucks but if I was happy I wouldn’t have a shot at hooking up with an angel”

-

Okay no Sam took the book of witchcraft.

That doesn't bode well at all.

*she says vibrating with pent up frustration about how witch!Sam is being teased roughly twice a week with no pay off since like... ever*

-

Yay I knew we'd get to see Dean riding Larry at the end.

because this is Yellow Fever.

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I like Yellow Fever.

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This is sort of embarassing having all of the other Dean stuff in there... You should have just stuck with him and Larry

Let them have a moment.

This is their song.