#and she and nate have their worst fight ever about it. which says a lot because neither of them are combative.

[arlathen]

reading thru my old wips and finding the one where nate has to turn lucy and is like 100% sure it killed her and hes just sitting alone in their house w her corpse in the next room. like BROTHER....

[mikimeiko]

Ok, so, thoughts on Ted Lasso finale and on season 3 as a whole:

Ted going back to Kansas was always the only possible ending. He has a son! He had a dad who abandoned him in the worst possible way and fucked him up, he HAD to go back to his son! (and no, Henry moving to London was not the best solution. Even if Michelle was actually ok with moving as well for some reason, uprooting your kid is not… the best move.)

(And sorry but I don't really agree with "Ted is leaving is support system in England!" and even less with the idea that he has built a found family there. He integrated in the community to a point, and he started doing it on day 1. And he has good, strong work relationships with all the people at Richmond. But! Most of the time when he is outside of work is either with Beard or by himself. He accepted Rebecca's help with that first panic attack, but he never reached out to her (or anyone else outside of doctor Sharon - who is a professional) in moments of distress. He made himself available to the people around him, but it's always been kind of unidirectional. (Ted has a wall around his core. He started chipping away at it in therapy but I would say that for now it's all very internal, he's really not ready to share. "It's just like I… It's like I'm scared sometimes to, like… to get close to that little boy. 'Cause I know he's gonna leave." This is about Henry, but it's really not just about Henry). So anyway, yes the show could have handled it better - maybe even just showing us a scene of Ted in Kansas going around with saying hello to everyone like he did in London, to let us KNOW that he is also present in that community, but anyway it doesn't feel so jarring to me). Also: I don't think going back to where you came from is necessarily a regression.

Staying in Kansas for a bit, I hated the Dr Jacob storyline. It made no sense, it was unpleasant and had no point, and I hated it.

I loved that Rebecca almost sold the team and then realized that she could be a force of change in a better direction for the game. I loved the fact that she sold the shares to the fan, I LOVED Keleey proposing a women's team because it felt SO RIGHT. I didn't particularly like the idea that they paralleled these choices to motherhood, because it's the stupidest idea ever, I'm sorry but just no. Also: I'm very sad that dutch man came back. I profoundly enjoyed the idea that Rebecca could have had that one night out of place and out of time, that it had a profound impact on her and changed the trajectory of her life a bit, while staying contained to that one night. Instead it turned into a love at first sight, happily ever after story. Ok, then? Sorry, not as interesting.

I'm so sad and upset and disappointed by how they handled Nate. I hated that it went from episode one (in which he was end-of-season-2 Nate, bitter and cocky in his new position) to episode four and he was old Nate again? Funny, clever, sweet, a little shy, basically full of love. What?! When did this happen? Where's the "be careful what you wish for cause it may come true"? Where's the disillusionment in Rupert and that kind of club culture? Where's the realization that what Nate thought would make him happy was actually not what he wanted at all? Where's the fight to make things change? ARGH. Also: that ending? Coming back to Richmond to be Will's number 2? What is going on. (I enjoyed A LOT every bit with his family. The conversation with his father! So tender.)

Also Keeley. I don't know, she felt so lost and then she actually lost everything (but it was because of her relationship with Jack) and then she didn't actually lose everything (but it was because of her relationship with Rebecca) and? Also Shandy's storyline was such a shame, when it could have been about finding the right balance to be the boss of your friend in a way that made you both shine more. But even though I liked her with Roy and hoped they would go back together (I also would have found the throuple interesting), I appreciate that her endgame was not, after all, a relationship. She's happy and she's thriving with her new weird, bloodthirsty coworker/friend and that's good to see.

Roy was so uneven. I have no words. I'm sad. I cried when he learned to ride a bike with Jaime, and at his Diamond Dogs speech. I wish they could have found a better way to show that unlearning shit and changing is hard.

Jamie definitely had the longest, better executed arc of the season and of the show (only Rebecca's is comparable). I hated him and now he is my precious bean. I actually loved Ted's speech on the field of letting go of the rage and the hate for his father for himself. I'm not enraged that they showed him reconnecting with his father, but I would have liked that part more if he hadn't immediately reached out to him (it was not supposed to be about his father).

What was Zava doing there in the first half of the season? I really thought that a character like him could have had a better story. But the answer I found is this: they needed that part when the team keeps losing to get to the revelation of total football with Jamie as the director; but they also needed Richmond to have enough points to almost win the whole fucking thing. So they got a star player that got them (alone, with no need to integrate into the team) to the top of the league, and then they made him leave suddenly. At least they made him more interesting that I thought he would be in the beginning.

Sam was also relegated to a much minor role this season (on one hand, the show has a big cast, and if you want some secondary characters to have more space - I'm thinking of Colin especially - you have to take out something else; but on the other, this could have been handled better). "His" episode felt so empty that you could take it out without changing much of the narrative structure of the season. His father was everything we thought he would be and more, and kudos for him not being a Ted-like character.

I kinda wished they would have ignored Rupert after the Akufo episode. I hated that they were showing his human side, but at the end of the episode I thought they were actually going for a very clever choice: he was this larger than life villain in Rebecca's mind, but in the end he's just an aging man, losing power and influence, fading out of everyone's memory. But no, they had to have the wife and mistress rebellion, the re-evilification, the loss of control, the crowd yelling "wanker" at him. I get the parallel, but I don't like it.

I am actually quite happy at Tedbecca not being canon. They had this amazing connection, they changed each other (though as I said above… it was mostly Ted changing Rebecca, not so much the other way around), their relationship was a life altering event. And it was NOT romantic. Sorry not sorry but I love this. I love a show that says that you don't have to be in love to love someone.

Also in general the season felt a little cartoonish. The characters were always on the brink of being caricatures of themselves (and, in the case of the himbos, many times it was not just being on the brink). Amazingly poignant moments followed by silly jokes or wildly out of characters stuff.

I watched the season finale on my way to work wednesday morning because I just couldn't wait. When the episode ended I was crying on a bench, filled with emotion. I know that probably reading what I wrote above it seems like I disliked a lot of things, but I also didn't? There were a lot of good things as well. A lot of love. This show will always have a special place in my heart, no matter the disappointments.

I just wish they could make a season 2 and 3 that fulfilled the promise of season 1. But I also think it was nearly impossible because… season 1 was written pre-covid. It was a different world.

[lover-girl-estxx]

Request for Nate or Nick Diaz Sad/angsty stuff

"I would never do that to you"

Wtf

(23)

not my gif - I couldn't come up with an idea so sorry if this is bad

"Nate?" I rolled over in bed my head was hurting like a bitch "Nate?" "Nates not here" I hear a guys voice say I open my eyes and see a guy i've only seen in Stockton a few times but heard the worst of the worst "what the fuck are you doing in here?!" I sat up only to realize that the only thing covering my chest was the blanket that slid down my body. I grabbed it pulling it to my chest "it's my room" "please tell me I got drunk and hot thats why I have no clothes on" he laughed "no we fucked that's why" "no we didn't" "yes we did" he nodded, my eyes were already slightly filling I leaned over grabbing my clothes getting dressed quickly "wheres my bag?" "how the fuck should I know" he said I sighed and left the room as soon as I did tears were going down my face as I went around the house trying to find my bag.

Nate<3: Morning how are you feeling after last night?

At this point I was sobbing, I couldn't walk all the way back to my house so I texted and asked if my friend Justice to come get me which she said yes to. "oh my gosh are you okay?" she asked as I got in the car "no" I brought my legs to my chest "what happened?" "I just cheated on Nate..." "why the fuck would you do that?" "I didn't mean to I just woke up in bed with a guy I was so drunk I don't remember..Nates gonna hate me" "no" she hugged me.

It was later in the day and I knocked on the door of Nate and Nicks house "hey mamas!" he smiled before looking me up and down his smile falling "you okay?' he asked "no"he stepped forward to give me a hug and I backed away "what?....come in" I stepped in and followed behind him to his room. "what's up?" he sat on his bed "um last night I drank a lot more than I should have.." I took a deep breath "I ts fine if you drank to much" he shrugged "not done um I woke up in bed with a guy he said we-we hooked up" "you fucked a guy?!" he stood up I nodded looking down at my feet "your joking right tell me your fucking joking!" I shook my head "i'm sorry I didn't even remember doing it" I whispered "yeah right! get the fuck out" "Nate i'm really sorry" "everything we've been through you fucked me over, I would never do that to you" "I know" I was crying again "get out!" he yelled "no i'm sorry really I was drunk I didn't wanna cheat Nate I love you, please" this time he pointed to the door and pretty much walked me to his bedroom door "go before I get more fucking pissed" I left walking quickly past Nick in the other room. I made it to the sidewalk and broke down head in my hands.

| Nicks POV |

I heard yelling from Nate room then Y/n came out crying pretty much running out the door, I stood up walking out front behind Y/n. What ever they were fighting about didn't matter she was still a young girl alone in Stockton "hey you okay?" I asked softly she shook her head "I fucked up really bad" I gave her a hug even though she didn't hug me back "I'll give you a ride home k?" she nodded. She sat resting her forehead on her knees "you wanna tell me what happened?" she lifted her head and looked at me before biting her lip and looking straight 'i got to drunk slept with someone, I don't remember but now Nate hates me...and you now that I told you" she picked at her nails "I don't hate you," she took a deep breath trying to get her self to stop crying "Nate doesn't hate you either" "yes he does" I shook my head and rubbed her back. We pulled up to her house "call text me if you need me yeah?" she nodded grabbing her bag and going inside.

"what are you doing?" I asked Nate as he was throwing shit in a box "its all of Y/ns shit and the shit she got me" I sighed "stop" "no i'm done" "Nate it was one time thing" "your taking her fucking side now?!" he stopped what he was doing now "I don't know shes really upset" "yeah i'm upset too so?" "if drunk and fucked up wouldn't you want her to take you back" "I wouldn't do that" "she probably said the same thing" "whatever your pissing me off to get out" I sighed and left his room.

| Nates POV |

I sat on the floor in my room I grabbed a letter from the box the one she gave me after I got back from TUF.

Im so proud of you! I love watching you,glad you had fun and beat a few mfers ass. Your gonna be the ufcs next big star.

I love you and am so happy you got everything you worked so hard for! .... P.S you looked really hot alll season - from your forever <3

I threw that one back into the box and pulled out the other one

you're cute... wanna go out? Yes [] No [] - Y/n

I smiled lighting my joint before putting it back then pushed it away leaning my head back on the bed behind me. a knock came to my door "yeah?" I asked "you calm down?" Nick asked his head into the room "yeah" I sighed, he sat next to me and his fingers out asking for the joint which I gave to him "did she tell you who?" I asked he shook his head "no..she could barely tell me that she did that" I nodded "what if she mean't to do it and just isn't telling me?" "you've known her since you were 17" I nodded "you can still take some time" he added "I still want to give her the stuff back though cause I don't know what i'm doing yet' okay.

| Y/ns POV |

it had been a week and a half, I was still crying everyday sobbing when Nate left a box of everything I gave him at the door. I walked into the restaurant I worked at "hey Y/n! you okay?" Ava asked "yeah i'm fine" I said softly "okay..you can take table two" I nodded. My shift was almost over but I got called for my last table, I turned a corner to see it was Nate I turned around "Ava will you take table 16 please/" I asked she looked "isn't that your boyfriend?" "..no not anymore just take it" "okay" "thank you" I gave a small smile before it fell.

I had table 15 so I had to walk past him "here's your check" I gave a light smile I went to walk past him ""Y/n wait" he grabbed my hand softly "you wanna go talk?" he added "um if you want" "lets go out back?" I nodded "that's fine". I sat on the sidewalk my leg going up and down biting my lips, he walked out and came and sat next to me he put his hand on my knee "its okay" he whispered "I'm really sorry" I slightly looked at him and quickly looking away "I know its okay Y/n," I bit my lip to stop myself from crying but a few tears still fell "its okay... I love you" I couldn't stop the tears he wrapped his arm around me making my head fall on his chest he kissed my head and wrapped his other arm around me too "I forgive you we'll never talk about it again" he whispered I held him tighter "thank you" I looked up at him he kissed my forehead.

a/n yeah I cried writing this..hope this was okay...

[fritextramole]

i know you love jenny and eric and hate chuck, but i’m really curious what you think about the other main gg characters and why?

Oh I love talking!!!! I love talking so much this is going under a read more bc it got unwieldy

I'm gonna talk about Blair, Serena, Dan, Nate, Vanessa, Rufus, and Lily here, but if there's anyone else you're curious about lmk

(and none of my feelings about the characters are black and white! I do find Chuck Fun To Hate and Jenny and Eric both have moments I pretend not to see. I just have my favorites and least favorite)

Blair

my relationship with Blair is the most complicated. the short answer is that the way she's venerated by fans has really soured me on her. like I'd like her more if everyone else liked her less yk

the longer answer is that I get why people love her. she had this amazing potential to grow as the show went on. I get the urge to pretend her character development stuck and she had a happy ending with Dan (I imagine I'll come back to that when I get there in the rewatch)

but season 6 went back on her character growth and had her go back to being classist and entitled and end up with chuck and I'm not going to pretend that's not canon

and like... ofc I don't think she deserved to end up with chuck (as you said my hatred of him is documented and I do think he'd be a shitty husband post series.) but I do think she deserves some consequences for her actions I'm not going to erase them to give her some happy ending the other characters have a right to be mad at her (this isn't just jenny she was a bitch to everyone at some point but they write it off bc "it's Blair that's how she is" like newsflash bestie we're all insecure most of us aren't terrible people about it)

Serena

I like Serena!! I do!! Blake Lively is charming and charismatic!!!! but she's maybe the worst about the whole Never Learning Never Growing thing most of the characters do which does get on my nerves a bit on a personal level. but more than anything it makes me not that interested in watching 121 episodes about her

I tend to be more interested in characters I can sink my teeth into (which is why I love Jenny's development and hate blair's character regression) but gossip girl is such a plot driven show that doesn't give characters time to feel things (and doesn't think about how they would feel at all.) and I think of all the leads Serena maybe gets that the worst bc there's a lot of things she should be feeling but it's like she doesn't get to (idk if that's a writing thing or a Blake Lively's acting thing (or a combination)) but it makes me not really care. especially bc iirc she'll be less involved in the main plotlines as the show goes on (which is also true for Nate)

Dan

Dan I always find myself becoming less fond of as the series goes on. I didn't find him annoying at the outset the way I know some people do. he's a good big brother and a good match for Serena getting her out of her ues bubble a bit. but the show goes on and he falls in love with Blair less than a year after she banished his sister (and never brings that up to her)

I've never gotten to the point of hating him but in the second to last episode he calls chuck "the best man I've ever known" (he raped your sister!!!!) and I get close

making Dan gossip girl was so bizarre and nonsensical that I'm just gonna say #gaslightgatekeepgirlboss those rich kids deserved it and move on bc I cant examine it seriously or we'll be here all day

Nate

Nate I mostly wish had been fleshed out more. in the early seasons he goes through a lot of really serious shit but his legacy is that the writers didn't know what to do with him after like season 2 so he just dated everyone.

for the most part I like him I just wish he'd gotten more depth in the later seasons

and I say "for the most part" bc he's got this unfortunate habit of looking the other way about how chuck treats women-until it's a woman he cares about. he has this line when he's fighting with chuck in s1 that's like "did you get what you wanted like you did with all those other girls" which makes it sound like he knows Chuck's a rapist and !!!!!!!!!

but that's unfortunately very common behavior in teenage boys. other than that I really do like Nate!!! I like that he looks out for his friends and doesn't send tips to gossip girl!!! I like that in season 1 he tries to write Blair an apology letter and in season 2 he writes a letter to Jenny I think that's really sweet!!!!! Nate's my boy and I wanna give him a hug (and make him stop being friends with that guy)

Vanessa

in canon, Vanessa has these little throwaway details about living with her sister and making socially powerful documentaries and being really well liked at NYU that we just never explore ??? even a little??????? I love Vanessa and she had her dark moments but they were forgivable (and not nearly as bad as anyone else's)

I mostly wish she had been a character in a different show I think is the best way to put it. like I wanna know about her family and her documentaries and her travels!!! but that's not Rich Kids Doing Drama

I was listening to Jessica Szohr's podcast and she said that at a certain point it felt silly that Vanessa kept talking about hating the rich kids but was still always on the upper east side and I think she's right. Vanessa should've been fleshed out more in canon (which maybe would've given her a reason to be in the neighborhood) but also Vanessa should've been the focus of her own show

Rufus

he's not the father of the year that's for sure

in the pilot Jenny says he "makes us go to private school" and I think that theme of attending Constance St Jude's for your education holds true but he doesn't seem to understand the reality of that?? there's this theme early on that "Dan doesn't have friends so why does Jenny need them" which 1. Rufus should be more concerned that his son has no friends!!!! and 2. Dan and Jenny are different people and I really can't fault a teenage girl for wanting to be popular or caring about her reputation

most of the time when I'm watching the show he doesn't get on my nerves in the moment. but then I think about it and I decide he's not a great parent and he needs to get better at actually listening to his children

Lily

she serves cunt it's a shame she traumatized her children

I'm being glib but also I'm not really. I like watching her!! I like that she went from groupie to socialite!!!! she's fun and I have a good time with her. and then I think a little harder about her kids and this post from @vanderwoodlings says it better than I could so I'll leave you with it

[primasveraas-writing]

“Kent v The Shitty Knee Itself”- Ted Lasso

A sort-of-sequel to "Kent v Linebacker," but this can still be read on its own. Part 2 of 3 of my fics about Roy Kent's shitty knee.

Part 1 // Accompanying AU

WORDS: 1649

XXX

Roy Kent is old as shit.

His daughter is a fucking toddler. His son is in preschool.

And he has fucking arthritis.

“What the fuck do you mean I’ve got fucking arthritis?” Roy Kent explodes at the doctor, who waits patiently for his outburst to finish. “I’m in my fucking forties! I’ve got two fucking babies at home! What the fuck am I supposed to do when my fucking daughter needs to piss and we’re all sprinting into the bathroom? I can’t fucking potty train on a shit leg.”

His wife rubs his shoulders comfortingly; the news is less surprising to Keeley, who gave a damn when the doctors mentioned arthritis could develop, and who is also extremely endeared by her husband’s priorities, which apparently lie very firmly with teaching their daughter to pee in the toilet.

Roy shouldn’t be shocked either; he’s had a limp for a long time now, and progressively worsening pain. He’s been elevating his leg whenever possible, to the point where Ted pulls chairs up for him or sits down first so Roy doesn’t feel awkward (on good days, Roy scowls at Ted and stays standing, but these occurrences are increasingly few and far between). It’s been a long time coming, and as much as the great Roy Kent hates to admit weakness, his shit knee is getting shittier.

Keeley had forced him to go to the doctor when Roy scooped up both their children, one in each arm, and proceeded to fall on the floor in a heap of small limbs and curses. He again made the case that he was fine, but there’s a limit on how much Tylenol one person can take in a day, and Roy’s exceeded that limit for weeks.

He walks like he’s on a hill, wobbling as he drags his right leg behind him. Keeley remarks on how uneven his gait is, and Lily, his precious fucking baby, demonstrates just how wonky Roy is by limping around too. It makes him laugh, but then his gaze meets Keeley’s, and he realizes there’s not much he can do aside from accept his fate and ask Dr. Patel why his knee is failing him (again, the fucking thing).

Arthritis. Fucking hell.

“The majority of your symptoms can be mitigated by limiting any strain on your leg. This includes walking, lifting, twisting, standing, stairs-”

“-breathing, blinking, fucking doing any shit worthwhile-”

“We can also prescribe medication, but given the amount of pain you reported, I think the best option to look at is a walking assistant.”

“What, like a cane?” Roy snorts. He feels Keeley still behind him, then he looks up at Dr. Patel, who’s gazing back at him, entirely serious.

“A fucking cane.”

“It’ll alleviate the weight on your leg. Ideally, you won’t need it every day, but it’ll make a difference when discomfort gets too high.”

“Fuck no.” Keeley squeezes his shoulder. “Fine. Fucking hell.”

-

It’s an adjustment. Roy walks back to their car, cane-less for the time being, limping, and imagines a cane in his hand. Imagines being able to straighten up, and not going to bed in fucking agony after a long day.

He also imagines showing up to the football club with a cane in his hand and Jaime fucking Tartt the fucking muppet smirking at him with his stupid fucking face, and he wants to turn around and tell Dr. Patel he’ll never use a fucking cane in his fucking life. Then he imagines having a stick to beat Jaime with when he’s being a prick, and Roy grins to himself at the thought.

That’s what he tells Keeley on the way home: he’s on the fence. That there’s a stigma he doesn’t want, that he remembers this the pitiful looks he received after his first injury and after surgery. It’s fucking bullshit, that he’d be looked at differently just because of a fucking rod in his hand, or because his stupid knee is fucked.

“Since when does Roy Kent care about what other people think of him? I mean really,” Keeley tells him, patting his thigh. “Everyone decent won’t bat an eye, and anyone who does is a prat.” She shrugs. “It’s a flawless system, really. Good way to sort people out.”

Roy grunts in agreement and drums his fingers on the door. He sighs, leaning his head back.

“What if I can’t keep up with Lily and Ollie? What the fuck am I supposed to do with little kids?”

“We’ll adapt,” Keeley promises, offering her hand. Roy takes it and presses it to his lips. “They already know they can’t run from you, or bowl into you at full speed-” Roy snorts at this. “-so now we tell ‘em that they gotta be patient.”

“They’re gonna be the most patient kids on the planet,” Roy muses, but his chest feels lighter. His wife is fucking amazing.

“They’re fucking perfect, they are. And besides- they don’t love you cause you can lift them or up throw them around or run around after them.” She squeezes his hand. “They love you ‘cause you’re you, Roy. You’re their dad.”

Roy nods silently. She’s right, as always. His heart is warm, much lighter against his ribs. “Thanks, babe,” he tells her, and Keeley beams at him.

-

They adapt. Roy remains in awe of the resilience of children- Lily and Oliver don’t give a damn that he uses a cane, except they quickly have to delineate that it’s not a toy, so Oliver doesn’t hit anyone with it, and so that Lily doesn’t hit Oliver with it. Because of this, Roy has to be careful not to threaten anyone at Richmond with his cane while his children are around. One day, his kids will learn to do as their dad says, not as he does, but for now, his babies swear and scowl, and pick up on every bad habit Roy shows them. It’s fucking adorable.

The first month is the hardest. Roy and Keeley decide to grant him some grace- he doesn’t have to do shit like garden or mow the lawn, or anything too strenuous. It’s uneven, in the beginning, and Roy goes to bed every night feeling like a shit husband for everything that’s unloaded on Keeley. They fight about it, eventually, and Roy apologizes to Keeley with tears in his eyes. They find a balance, which involves a chair in every room in their house and somebody hired to do the lawn. Their roles have shifted, but it’s a pattern he’s familiar with by now. He’s gone through so many major changes with Keeley: switching careers and marriage and injury and parenthood twice over. And using a cane isn’t any harder than having a newborn and a toddler, so they manage. After all, they’re unstoppable together.

Nobody on the team makes a comment on the cane, except Ted leaves sticky notes on it whenever Roy isn’t paying attention, and Roy wouldn’t mind so much if they weren’t positive fucking affirmations, the corny twat. Then the rest of the team follows suit, and they sign it and put stickers on it and all sorts of supportive shit, and Roy tells only one person this, but he kind of fucking likes it (against his better judgment, of course).

Commentators and the press are not nearly as kind. There’s any number of articles written about him and how old it makes the football world seem. Roy wants to fucking kill all of them, but Keeley reminds him that all the pricks have shown their true colors, and one day he finds a picture of a particularly insensitive reporter that has been utterly defiled and left out in the locker room. Roy tucks this away in a drawer in his office, and he’s almost nicer at practice that day.

Beard and Ted match his slower pace as they walk out to every match, which isn’t subtle even from the offset, but they don’t say anything about it and neither does Roy. He also realizes that he’s never the only one sitting in a group of his friends, even if it’s just him and Ted, or Keeley, or Rebecca, or Nate.

Yoga gets much harder, then he and the yoga moms spend a night researching yoga for people with shit legs, and yoga gets easier again. If they want to do a challenge night, Roy shifts into the role of yoga instructor, which he’s fucking great at, thank you, and so what if he gets to drink more wine because of it.

And his fucking knee feels better. His medication works, but the cane helps the most. Ted and Keeley had told him ever since his initial injury to be kind to himself, to rest when needed, and to not be a stupid stubborn prick about his health. This mindset turns out to have a few merits, and maybe it’s even a good habit he can teach his kids.

It says a lot about him, this cane that accompanies a man in his forties. He needs it because he was a professional footballer who injured himself preventing a goal in one last game. Who needed surgery cause his energetic maniac of a son ran into him. Whose wife told him to use it with pride, because he’s Roy fucking Kent and his family and friends love him so screw everyone else. Whose coach used it as a tool to force positivity onto Roy, whose team and kids decorated it with messages of love and smiley faces and the two worst signatures he’s ever seen (though he credits Oliver and Lily for trying). It’s a symbol of persistence, of the pain he’s endured, of those who rallied behind him.

Roy Kent. Married to Keeley Jones. Father of Oliver and Lily. Coach at Richmond AFC.

And he happens to use a cane.

[dtrhwithalex]

TV | Leverage (Season 2, Rewatch)

Rewatch of the second season of TNT's LEVERAGE (2008-2012), created by John Rogers and Chris Downey together with Dean Devlin and his production company Electric Entertainment.

In anticipation of the show's reboot / revival / sequel LEVERAGE: REDEMPTION coming to IMDbTV on 09 July this year, I am rewatching the original 77 episodes and writing about my favourite moments and things from each episode, season by season.

201: THE BEANTOWN BAILOUT JOB

D: DEAN DEVLIN. W: JOHN ROGERS. Original Air Date: 15 July 2009.

We here at the Rabbit Hole adore the Beantown Bailout Job very much (and by we I mean me). It is such a great season-opener and everything about it sets up the season so nicely. Also let me just say, I love the cheesy intro. I like to imagine that this plays on whatever website the clients usually end up finding the team. It would be so confusing. And wonderful.

This episode, of course, also introduces another of my favourite characters: Lt. Patrick Bonanno, State Police. And I am very sad that there is zero chance we'll ever get to see him in the reboot, since the wonderful Robert Blanche has unfortunately passed away last year. Bonanno was such a fantastic addition to this show and I love him very much. He is just brilliant in every episode he is in.

Aside from the introduction of Bonanno, Beantown is a brilliant episode for various reasons, but I wanna talk about this one most of all. John Rogers talked about this on his blog, I think -- not one member of the team can come straight out and admit that they need the others. It is the impromptu meeting at Sophie's performance that brings them together again (very much against Nate's best attempts). Only once they're at McRory's and Parker suggests stealing something to cheer up Sophie is when they all fess up and tell Nate that they want this team back together again. And then, of course, we have one of my favourite sequences in this entire show: Nate forcefully being bullied back into this family. They do exactly what he did to them in The Second David Job -- they get him to contribute knowledge to the case that they, allegedly, lack. And he knows what they're doing, of course, he's not an idiot. Well played, indeed.

I would also like to personally thank one Nadine Haders, this show's most brilliant costume designer, for every single piece of clothing she put on Christian Kane for this episode. That green sweater with the brown jeans jacket? All my love to you, Nadine. All of it. Also, uncharacteristically, Nate has some very good looks in this episode (the man looks healthy for once!) and I am unreasonably mad about it (actually, he has some very good looks this entire season).

One last thing: I would like to have a word with whoever decided to play the Andy Lange song here that Sophie's departure in The Two Live Crew Job is set to. It makes this first half of the season a circle. Who do I need to have words with? Who?

202: THE TAP-OUT JOB

D: MARC ROSKIN. W: ALBERT KIM. Original Air Date: 22 July 2009.

An absolutely amazing episode for Eliot but also very much for Sophie. They are the Conference Of Mom Friends, and I adore them very much, thank you. It is a fantastic episode for them individually, but especially also for the specific relationship these two people have. There is an amazing post floating around on this website (this one here) talking exactly about this episode and Eliot and Sophie in the role of protectors in their team, their family.

There are a few scenes here that I really like and really, most of them are about or with Eliot. I love in the briefing at the hotel that Eliot does not just dismiss Sophie's misunderstanding of wrestling, but takes the time to explain to her what the sport is about -- and she listens. We also here get a nice glimpse at the fact that Eliot teaches them certain fighting skills and self-defence techniques, which I just love so much. Just as Sophie coaches them all in their grifts, he makes sure that they all have a certain know-how in fighting and protecting themselves. It's so good.

I am also very fond of both the moment where Eliot brings Sophie to the restaurant to meet with Rucker, but also Sophie showing up at the gym at night to talk to Eliot while he's preparing for the fight against Tank. Eliot gives away so much of himself in this episode, and it is very interesting to me that the person he does this with is, continually, Sophie. The others may be on comms, and might be, for all we know, listening in, but it is Sophie he tells these things to. It's like Hardison says later in The Two Live Crew Job: "We trust Nate to make sure the plan works, we trust you (Sophie) to make sure we're all okay." While I would not necessarily call Sophie the heart of the group (that's Hardison), she is very much the emotional centre of it.

This episode is also just very lovely to see how they all take to an environment that is, for once, not big city life. Eliot takes to it immediately, which makes sense, because he probably is from a town not much different from this one. Parker, somehow, fits in immediately as well (I love her I <3 Nebraska shirt). I feel like Nate never has any issues fitting in anywhere, he just takes things as they come. It is Hardison and Sophie who have difficulties -- Sophie because she is, after all, a bit posh and needs certain standards met, and Hardison because his world of technology does not mix well with a small, rural Midwestern town ("Can't hack a hick" anyone?).

203: THE ORDER 23 JOB

D: ROD HARDY. W: CHRIS DOWNEY. Original Air Date: 29 July 2009.

I occasionally see some posts on here that call what the team does to Charles Dodgson in 512: The White Rabbit Job the worst thing the team does to a mark. I have to say, objectively, I think what they do to Eddie Maranjian in this episode is much worse. Of course, Dodgson is a good person, and Eddie is a crook, but still. Objectively? This episode is more evil.

Anyway, this episode has some fantastic moments that I adore a whole lot. I love Eliot and Hardison as cops, Sophie's act is absolutely amazing, and I have a super soft spot for both Nate teaching Parker what he is doing, and also Eliot and his side quest of helping Randy.

I am so incredibly fond of all these little moments where Parker's eventual role of Mastermind is already being planted. She always asks Nate questions, if she doesn't have a part to play in the con, she is with Nate, learning. She says it in the pilot episode already: "I'm really good at one thing, only one thing, that's it. But you, you know other things, and I can't stop doing my one thing, can't retire." And then she does her best to learn the other things Nate knows. This episode particularly, how Nate explains to her how NLP works, that what he is selling is fear. Nate is so patient with her, too. I love them both so very much.

Eliot's side quest with Randy and his abusive dad is an absolutely excellent addition to this episode. Especially after the previous Eliot-centric episode, this small thing just goes to show that, at their core, these are good people. Yes, they are criminals, the lot of them. But they are not bad people. Things like this just make me think that, it had to have been this exact combination of people Dubenich put together. Any other thief, any other hacker, and Nate would have walked away from this alone. It had to be Parker, Hardison and Eliot for this to work exactly as it did. And Eliot looking out for Randy even though they are in the middle of a con, taking his time to make sure Bob, the U.S. Marshall goes to see Randy, is exactly something that brings this point home.

Lastly, I adore that everyone shows up at the court house when Eddie goes to find his money. He knows they all conned him, but they know no one is ever going to believe him. It's a fantastic gloat scene. And I also really love that Nate explains why this works to the others: "So, here's everything you need to know about criminal law. Every crime has two elements, Actus reus, the act itself, and mens rea, Literally "The Guilty Mind." ... Now, for escape, the prisoner has to both break out of custody and show the intent to escape. ... Which brings us back to our friend Eddie and how the brain reacts to fear. In the heat of the moment Eddie didn't ask himself a simple question, who would doubt his guilty mind?"

204: THE FAIRY GODPARENTS JOB

D: JONATHAN FRAKES. W: AMY BERG. Original Air Date: 05 August 2009.

This one was Bernie Madoff inspired, if I recall correctly, who was arrested in 2008, around the time Berg, Downey and Rogers were already bouncing ideas back and forth for this season.

There is so much to love in this episode! Where to even begin. Maybe with Parker replacing Sophie at the client meeting? Or Sophie immediately heading for both popcorn and the cookie tin after the breakup? How about Parker perching on Eliot's arm rest with her food? Nate's headmaster act? Eliot as Coach Brewer (red is a fantastic colour on him, thank you Nadine)? Hipster rich newlyweds Parker and Hardison? The return of my beloved FBI fools McSweetheart and Taggert? Taggert being McSweetheart's biggest supporter in his affection for Parker? Sophie and Widmark? The actual science-sical with all these adorable kids singing about science?

So much to love. Chock-full of greatness, this episode. Also Frakes, once again, directed the hell outta this. I love this episode so very much.

One moment that does, however, absolutely win out over everything else, is the scene at Nate's apartment after Hardison and Parker meet McSweeten and Taggert again:

Eliot: One of you two can identify the gunman, right? Hardison: Oh, yeah, sure. He stopped and let me take a picture of him as I was chasing him. Eliot: Hey, you know what, man? I've been around little kids all day. I don't need to come home and do all this crap.

That line, Mr Spencer? "I don't need to come home and do all this crap"? Home? Sir, we are four episodes into the second season, and you are already calling Nate's apartment home. Honestly, that boy has been invested into this group as a family from the moment Hardison hands him a check in the pilot episode, if not earlier. And I am very much here for all of it.

205: THE THREE DAYS OF THE HUNTER JOB

D: MARC ROSKIN. W: MELISSA GLENN & JESSICA RIEDER (GRASL). Original Air Date: 12 August 2009.

This is another one of those episodes which, when I think about it, I am not entirely into, but then when I watch it, I always love it. It's a brilliant episode, but the mark rubs me in all the wrong ways and I think that's why my general reaction to this episode in theory is mostly "ew". Which I think is kind of the point, as well.

There is much to love in this episode, though. Sophie being Nate in this one, Nate being very wary of this concept and also having difficulties letting someone else take control ("If you don't mind, I would still do the 'Hardison, run it' thing" Nathan you precious little man, I love you so much). I think it's so nicely done. I mean Sophie has run cons before -- she was the Mastermind behind the First David Job, and she runs their con in the Second David Job as well -- but then she was confident, now she is going through things, on the brink of rediscovering herself for who she is. And of course, it bites her in the ass a little bit.

I absolutely adore Conspiracy Nut Hardison and his fantastic apartment. Set Design did a magnificent job here. I am so fond of Parker asking Eliot about the different things -- the council, the moon landing, Loch Ness monster -- and also very much the bit at the end where he and Hardison answer Parker's questions while he prepares food. That ending bit overall is just absolutely excellent and I love it with my whole heart. Eliot cooking for all of them in Nate's kitchen, giving Parker stuff to try, while Hardison sits there and sips his orange soda out of a wine glass. Meanwhile Nate pouring wine for Sophie, and then going over to her to make sure she is alright. For his slightly more sadistic streak in this season, Nate is so good with Sophie here. And honestly I think this conversation here is one of the reasons why Sophie feels able to leave them for a while. It is Nate's reassurance of "Whatever you need, I'm here for you" that lets her take this leave of absence.

206: THE TOP HAT JOB

D: PETER O'FALLON. W: M. SCOTT VEACH & CHRISTINE BOYLAN. Original Air Date: 19 August 2009.

I adore this episode! The fantastic Veach and Boylan on the keyboard for this one (who, I've had to find out, are both tangentially involved with my latest hyperfixation, SHADOW AND BONE -- Veach having written my favourite episode, and Boylan being married to the showrunner), which is just lovely, because they are both excellent.

First off, I would like to, once again, give all my love to Nadine Haders for that Pizza Guy outfit she put Kane in for the recon sequence. A+ costuming, thank you Nadine.

This episode has so many excellent comedic beats and a wonderful many Hardison/Eliot moments. Sophie trying to set up Nate with their client is absolutely hysterical -- especially considering that she had just been broken up with and had been urging Nate to figure out what it is that is between them since day one. I especially love her attempt at finding things Nate has in common with Jameson: "She's a scientist. And well, you're a bit nerdy, aren't you? ... And food, she works with food. Well, you eat, don't you?" Like, girl, what are you trying to do here, really?

I absolutely adore Hardison and Eliot trying to get into the server room so Hardison can access the data they are trying to get before anyone can get rid of it. Eliot hooking Parker's rope to Hardison's belt, Eliot's complete awe at Hardison's ability to remote access their mark's phone ("You can do that?" Eliot, honey, he can do so much more), the two of them wedged underneath the desk, and then, of course, Eliot's huge smile when Hardison hacks the scanner at the door with the help of his gummy frogs. I love these boys together so much, and this episode has given me so many great moments.

I am also incredibly fond of Nate's magician act. That is a brilliant role and it suits him so well. And I love how genuinely enthusiastic he is about magic.

207: THE TWO LIVE CREW JOB

D: DEAN DEVLIN. W: JOHN ROGERS & AMY BERG. Original Air Date: 26 August 2009.

This is an absolutely brilliant episode for so many different reasons. Let me get two things out of the way straight off the bat: 1) Where do I address my "Chaos For Leverage: Redemption" campaign to? and 2) Where do I address my "Apollo Robbins For Leverage: Redemption" campaign to? I want both of them back desperately!

Of course, this episode is important as a major stepping stone in Sophie's character arc. Because of Chaos and his bomb, she has to kill off one of her aliases which is the last thing that then leads to her taking a leave of absence to figure out who she is and who she wants to be. That scene in her apartment with the bomb is also just an excellent moment for the team as a family. The care with which everyone interacts with Sophie, Parker's instant pudding hack, Eliot's instructions on how defuse this situation, Sophie's immediate shift into protector mode once it becomes clear that the only real solution is to run and telling everyone to leave immediately, Nate staying behind and even when Sophie tells him to leave, waiting for her by the apartment door -- they care for each other so much.

I also really love the con-off with Starke's crew. It is so nice to see how similar yet different he and Nate are, and the same goes for the other crew members. I adore their individual confrontations a lot. Eliot's non-fight fight with Mikel Dayan, Parker's thief-off with Apollo, Hardison and Chaos' baby monitor fight. It just really highlights who our beloved characters are and what makes them them, now that we see them, metaphorically, in front of their mirror.

And then, of course, the actual heist is also just amazing. I adore that Starke chooses Nate as his alias to gain access, it is such a great move. Parker and Apollo talking in the ventilation shaft about birds is also just so lovely. And as an admirer of Eliot's arms, I am also very fond of his fight with Mikel. Good choices have been made, I appreciate all of them. The reveal at the end is also absolutely amazing. To beat them they had to save them? Brilliant.

Lastly, of course, Sophie's goodbye at the graveyard with Nate. What a spectacular moment. Also just, the visuals are so beautiful. I love the lighting here. And of course the return of Andy Lange's song, which is just perfect. I am so happy that this is the journey they decided to give Sophie when it became clear that Gina would not be able to be in the full seasons due to her pregnancy. They accommodated her so beautifully and gave Sophie such an amazing moment of character growth. This is why I love this show and the people who made it so much. All my love, to all of them.

208: THE ICE MAN JOB

D: JEREMIAH CHECHIK. W: CHRISTINE BOYLAN. Original Air Date: 02 September 2009.

We love The Ice Man Job! Another fantastic episode by one Christine Boylan who we love in this house. Our very first episode without Sophie being there, and it's a great one. I absolutely adore how they worked in moments with our favourite grifter in a way that so wonderfully accommodates Gina's pregnancy.

I absolutely adore the moments where all of them eventually end up calling Sophie. Parker, hiding underneath the bar after Nate tells her she'll be the grifter in this one, calling her mom Sophie in a panic without wanting the others to know, but still needing her advice and missing her so much. Then Eliot, calling to complain to his mom Sophie about Hardison going overboard again with the grift, needing the knowledge that his concerns are being heard and aren't unfounded, needs to hear the other protector of the family acknowledge his rightful fear that things will go sideways. And of course also Hardison, calling mom Sophie so she can pick him up from the party help him out of the mess he's made, hoping against all hope that she'll be able to help without having to involve Nate. The others both had the luxury to ask Sophie not to tell Nate -- Hardison had no other choice but to let her call it in. Lastly, Nate too, at the end, calling his wife Sophie. And honestly, I love that Sophie drops her phone into her drink after the call, because Nate is the only one not giving her what she wants to hear. The kids, all of them, called with an "I need you" and that is the one thing Nate doesn't give her.

There are many other things in this episode that I love very much. The opening briefing, Parker feeling alone on the big empty couch, trying to sit next to Eliot, but he makes her move. Nate's big DadTM moment of "Eliot, can you please sit next to Parker" and Eliot's very long-suffering oldest child answer "No! I'm sitting here now."

Then of course Eliot and Hardison's two moments -- Eliot telling Hardison "I ain't bailing your ass out" and then when he eventually does anyway, Hardison's smug joy, forcing Eliot to sort-of-hug him back at McRory's. Eliot's unsuccessful attempt to make him helping Hardison a decision forced onto him by Parker, and Parker refusing to accept the "blame" immediately. Their whole dynamic this episode is just so good. Neither Eliot nor Parker being happy with Hardison in this role (Parker's refusal to ride with him in the Ferrari), Eliot proudly watching Parker do her thing over the security camera ("Stuck it!").

Lots of love also to Pasha Lychnikoff as our main Russian goon, who is just fantastic here, our much beloved Lt. Patrick Bonanno, and also Nadine Haders for so many amazing looks, especially on Eliot.

209: THE LOST HEIR JOB

D: PETER WINTHER. W: CHRIS DOWNEY. Original Air Date: 09 September 2009.

Court-room episode, which means we have our friend Chris Downey on the keys here, and he gave us an absolutely excellent introduction for Tara Cole played by the lovely Jeri Ryan. Honestly, the more often I watch this episode, the better it gets. Tara is just so good.

Highlights of this episode include: Sophie's immediate "who died?!" when Nate shows up at her apartment in London, Hardison playing "Where is Waldo Ford," Hardison and Eliot in prison, the first appearance of Nate's lawyer alias Jimmy Papadokalis who wears brilliantly loud and obnoxious suits in outrageous colour-combinations, Hardison stalling Blanchard at court security with his keys, Nate's reveal of Ruth as Kimball's daughter (I am fascinated that he completely drops the character here -- he is just Nate now), and of course, the reveal of Tara at the end.

Honestly, this is such a magnificent episode to introduce Tara's character. We have just watched the team scramble and fuck up without Sophie, and then their next job gets more complicated because of this random lawyer who shows up. And she's so righteous and law-abiding and absolutely not someone they should be taking with them on their job. And Tara plays it perfectly. Her honest try at getting Orson to talk to them, her confusion about her "dogs", her excited smile when she gets to con Blanchard and be a bit dishonest -- it is so good. And then we get that complete 180° when the team finds her in Nate's apartment. Not just visually, but the personality. Her voice drops a bit too. Jeri fucking rocked this introduction. The reveal is so damn good.

210: THE RUNWAY JOB

D: MARC ROSKIN. W: ALBERT KIM. Original Air Date: 13 January 2010.

I have zero interest in fashion but I honest to God love every single one of these characters at fashion week. Fashion!Eliot is absolutely fantastical and I love him. Julien, my beloved. Fashion!Parker is very cute with her braid and even before she gets the model makeover she outshines every single other person at the event. Fashion!Hardison is surprisingly understated but I dig it. Tara as Caprina is also just excellent. And I absolutely, un-ironically adore Fashion!Nate. Jacques is such a character. Nate exchanged the usual "obnoxious and greasy" with "gay," slapped some would-be-French that sounds like German on top of it, and called it a character. And I love it.

I also very much love the three video calls with Sophie in this episode. The kids calling in the beginning, complaining about Tara. I absolutely adore both the "she's hot" moment and Eliot's "...and all the way to Europe?" when Sophie says Nate lets what is good for him walk out the door. Parker's little "I just miss you" before they hang up has me all the way up in my emotions every damn time. Tara calling Sophie to complain about Nate is also just excellent. The whole bit with Nate's "I'm sexy because I'm broken" thing is just *chef's kiss*. And of course Nate's call at the end. I love that Sophie hangs up on him, it is so fair, it is absolutely justified. And I think he knows that too.

So many great other moments too -- Hardison's Steven Seagal comment about Eliot's clothes, Nate's "Julien, sweetheart" and Eliot's little clap before taking the money, Nate and Parker at the mark's house, Eliot and Tara vs the Triads, Eliot and Parker at fashion week together ("It's a fashion show, not Thieves'R'Us"), and of course Tara's "For what it's worth, Sophie was right. You guys are the best I've ever seen ... But no one in the world, is as good as you think you are."

211: THE BOTTLE JOB

D: JONATHAN FRAKES. W: CHRISTINE BOYLAN. Original Air Date: 20 January 2010.

This episode has got to be one of my favourites, if I were forced to chose some. I love a bottle episode, and this one is just magnificent. Excellent client, great mark, fantastic additional characters, wonderful episode for the team. All around just, so good. Not surprising if Frakes and Boylan are at the wheel together, of course.

The addition of Cora is so lovely. I would have loved to see more of her, to be honest. She is such a great character. I love what her presence does to who we see Nate as. I adore when characters get to show new sides of themselves, it's so nice. Also, Nate's comment to Eliot about him not wanting Eliot to like Cora because she's like his niece? Most excellent.

I adore our three police officers too. Mickey, Danny and Johnny are such great additions. I really liked them. How they just went with whatever Nate was planning and in the end decided to just pretend none of this ever happened, it's just so good.

Doyle and the Liams as our villains of the week are also just fantastic. Also I just love Irish accents, it sounds so good. I love to hear it.

Other highlights of this episode include: Tara's "I'm Trish and I'm lonely", the kids going for their individual emergency funds stashed in Nate's place (they are all so fantastically in character, I love it), Nate using his dad's name as his alias, everyone stopping to see if Nate is going to succumb to the booze again, Hardison's excitement about pulling off the wire in under 2h, Hardison faking the weather, Eliot and Parker on safe duty. Also, rewatching this episode, I am absolutely 100% convinced that what Eliot is doing to distract the Liams from Tara conning Doyle, absolutely categorises as flirting. The way he throws that dart at the board and then buys them beer? Mr Spencer, sir, you are flirting with these guys.

212: THE ZANZIBAR MARKETPLACE JOB

D: JEREMIAH CHECHIK. W: MELISSA GLENN & JESSICA RIEDER (GRASL). Original Air Date: 27 January 2010.

The wonder twins with yet another magnificent episode. No surprises here. We have not just the return of Maggie but also of Sterling! We love this!!! (Seriously, I want both of them back in the reboot. I don't care that they're most closely tied to Nate. Bring them back.)

This episode has so many absolutely excellent moments as well. I love the opening sequence in the bar, with them going over possible next clients together, Nate kicking Eliot for flirting with the bartender, and then of course also Sterling walking in. The interaction Nate and Eliot have here is just fantastic.

Sterling: *walks in* Nate: Eliot, I'm gonna ask you not do do anything violent. Eliot: Wha-what are you talking about? I only use violence as an appropriate response. Sterling: Hello, Nate. Eliot: *responds appropriately*

And to think that Sterling only gets beat up here because Mark Sheppard's son was visiting the set that day and wanted to see his dad get beat up by Eliot. We stan one Sheppard Jr.

I very much love the scene where Nate and Sterling go over what they have on Lundy, and then Parker interrupting them out of nowhere, just sitting there on the counter, like she's been there forever (which she probably has). Also just, fantastic clothes on Parker, thank you Nadine. Maggie showing up here is of course also brilliant and I am very fond of Parker making Maggie a fugitive bag. It is so completely adorable. I love my girl so much.

Another favourite moment is, of course, Tara and Eliot getting Chernov to tell them where the sale of the Fabergé egg will take place. Tara not saying a damn thing, Eliot grumpily doing what Tara tells him to ("Do that thing with your eyes that scares people" / "What -- I don't know what you're talking about"), Chernov's complete unease about this whole entire situation, and then of course Tara and Eliot's other interaction:

Tara: What we imagine is always so much better than reality. Eliot, with the tiniest voice possible: Like love? Tara: *just stares at him, confused*

Just, *chef's kiss* this scene.

The scenes in the embassy are also just excellent. Tara and Nate pretending to be a couple, Nate's inability to deal with the idea of Maggie and Alexander, Maggie and Tara hysterically giggling while talking about Nate, Sterling pretending to be drunk (and incredibly gay) to get Parker access to the egg room -- brilliance, all the way through.

I adore Eliot taking charge of the situation once it becomes clear that Maggie and Nate have been taken hostage. Parker doing her magic and switching the bomb with the empty briefcase in the elevators is beautiful. Maggie kissing Nate instead of Lundy in what could have been their final moment and regretting it instantly the moment Parker shows up is excellent.

And the final scene back at McRory's is also just wonderful. The kids watching the news about Sterling with Tara ("I hate this guy" / "Now, you're part of the team"), and Nate talking with Maggie. I adore Maggie in this scene so much. Her and Nate's relationship is so lovely. We know Sophie understands how Nate ticks, but Maggie knows him so well too, still.

213: THE FUTURE JOB

D: MARC ROSKIN. W: CHRIS DOWNEY & AMY BERG. Original Air Date: 03 February 2010.

This episode is so good for so many reasons. First off, I adore Luke Perry (I'm still sad about him) even if he plays creeps like Rand in most everything I've seen him in. He was just so good. Second, Medium Tara is probably my favourite role of hers. It's a lot softer than many of the other characters she's done, and I love it. Also the costuming is just excellent.

But I want to talk about Parker most of all. The scene where Rand cold reads her is so well done. Riesgraf knocked it out of the park here. Also, I love how Nate, as soon as Rand starts approaching and doing his act, barely ever takes his eyes off her. He occasionally glances at Rand, but his attention is on Parker at all times. And it just makes me feel things.

The team coming back to Nate's to find Parker sitting on the floor in front of the couch, crying also makes me super emo. They are all so very careful with her here. Even Tara, who hasn't been with them for that long. I quite like how Eliot and Hardison choose to sit a bit away, giving her space, and Nate carefully approaches and sits closest to her. They are all so good with her here, I love them all so much. And I absolutely adore this part of the conversation:

Tara: So what do we do now? Parker: Cut off his arms. And his head. Yeah. I wanna kill him. Can we make that happen? Eliot: Yeah, I can...I mean, I could...

Also earlier, after Tara acknowledges that Rand is good at what he does, Hardison says "He should be shot." I adore how both our boys would not hesitate to end this man for hurting Parker like this. That's their girl and he went too damn far. And even though Nate suggests a way of retaliation that is less final, he isn't above hurting the man either. Because that's his girl, too:

Hardison: Nate had me rig the table with a mild electrical current. Eliot: You electrocuted him? Nate, smugly: Yes, I did. It helped sell the bit. Parker: I approve. Nate: Thanks, Parker. Eliot: No, her agreeing with you is not a good thing. Nate, whispering to Parker: Thanks.

And add to that the absolute joy each and every one of them have when fucking with Rand to fulfil Tara's predictions? *Chef's kiss.* Absolutely beautiful.

There is so much more absolutely fantastic content in this episode, but I just wanna point out the ending where they meet with the client again. Nate is so good with them here. The way he talks to Jodie about her baby and how she will see her late husband in the child, makes me cry every damn time. Just like Tara says, "Yeah, now I see why you do it," this is why this show is so damn good. It's because of this exactly. Because for one shining moment within so much suck and tragedy, there is goodness and a wrong that has been made right. They help people and it isn't just fleeting momentary relief. They change people's lives for the better. I love this fucking show so much.

214: THE THREE STRIKES JOB

D: DEAN DEVLIN. W: JOHN ROGERS. Original Air Date: 10 February 2010.

First half of the second finale! Patrick Bonanno my beloved! I get so sad every time he gets shot here. My man deserves better than this. I love Bonanno so damn much, man. I absolutely adore that Nate goes to see his family at the hospital. Like, this is a cop. The very opposite side of the law Nate and his people operate on. But he goes to see him anyway, because this is their cop. And I love that Bonanno's wife recognises Nate's name. "He wanted to buy you a drink. And then arrest you." That's just so good.

I also absolutely love Richard Kind as Brad Culpepper, the corrupt mayor. I would love to see him back in the reboot, but I doubt there'd be any reasonable explanation why on earth they'd have to see this particular mayor again. I just think Richard Kind is an absolutely fantastic actor.

Anyway, favourite moments. Hardison and Eliot at Bonanno's house is beautiful. I am so fond of how Hardison deals with law enforcement while impersonating law enforcement. He tears them down and builds them back up again, every single time. And I adore how Eliot just smiles at his antics. He crawls around on that carpet with the young cop and Eliot just stands there and smiles. I love them, guys. I really do. Parker pretending to be Brad's pregnant lover with Tara's help is also just most excellent.

And of course: Roy Chappell. Baseball Eliot, my most beloved. There is so much to love about this whole concept. Eliot's reluctance at first because he doesn't like baseball. The discovery that baseball is actually something cool and something he is good at. His absolute childlike joy at the energy drink commercial Hardison made him. His damn hair during the actual game. The sandwich! The enthusiasm about the sandwich. Hardison admitting that the sandwich thing is cool.

I also absolutely love Hardison and Parker as Beavers Fans. The badly photoshopped picture of Dean Devlin and John Rogers as the radio hosts makes me smile so much. So does hearing their voices on the show. Both Hardison and Parker's phone calls to them are also brilliant. Parker speaking Spanish? Marvelous. The two of them demonstrating the Beavers leaving? *Chef's kiss.*

The final showdown with Brad and then the FBI is also just most excellent. Nate going ballistic on Brad because of Bonanno. Hardison and Lucille. Parker giving Lucille a little kiss before they send her to explode as a distraction. Hardison quoting Spock to say goodbye to Lucille. Hardison being pissed at Nate about Lucille. And of course: Jim Sterling, Interpol. The bastard. I love him.

215: THE MALTESE FALCON JOB

D: DEAN DEVLIN. W: JOHN ROGERS. Original Air Date: 17 February 2010.

Second half of second finale! And it's a good one, too. This show has absolutely brilliant finales, lemme tell you.

What do we love about this episode? MUCH. Tara's naked bit is excellent. Eliot and Parker sharing a look after watching Tara's naked bit is even better. Parker turning on the porn channels on the hotel tv is hilarious. Eliot talking to the receptionist about the gym is hysterical ("Ah, the fitness spa. Isn't the Zen Steam Garden divine?" / "Yeah....delicious").

Nate on stairs vs Sterling in elevator is probably the pettiest thing I have ever watched on television and it is absolutely amazing. I don't think anything can ever top this as pettiest moment. It is just so good.

Sterling, of course, is always great fun. I love that he has his own little villain theme that announces him before he even enters the screen. Love a good villain theme. And I adore his moment with FBI Bob outside Brad's hotel room.

Sterling: Name's Bob, right? Bob: Yes, sir. Sterling: You've been here the whole time, Bob? Bob: Yes, sir. Sterling: And nobody's gone in or out, Bob? Bob: No, sir. Sterling: Then would you mind explaining, where the HELL THE MAYOR IS?!

Absolutely perfect.

Nate going back to his place always has me all up in my emotions. Also, I think Sterling here absolutely believes that what he is offering Nate, is good for him. That he can save him from himself or something. They were something like friends at some point, after all. And of course, Nate calling Sophie. She is, of course, unbeknownst to him, already on the way to save his ass. But he calls her and finally tells her exactly what she wanted to hear at the end of The Ice Man Job: "I need you. Not the team, me." Sir. I am emo about you.

And then of course the final con and the reveal of Sophie's return. I absolutely love that Parker's first reaction to Tara possibly betraying them was to try and throw her off the roof. That's my girl (I love Tara, but that was fair). Also just, if you pay attention on the boat scenes, you can see Sophie from as early as Kadjic hearing Nate's offer and then leading Nate and Eliot below deck. If you can pick out her hair and know the colour of her coat from the scene in the helicopter, you know that she is there. And then, below deck, you can see her so many times -- at one point essentially back to back with Nate -- before any of the characters know she's there. And can I just say, I absolutely love Nate's completely shocked face when he hears her voice. Those comedically big eyes are just excellent.

Everyone seeing Sophie again is done so well. Hardison and Eliot's confused "Sophie?" when she walks past. Eliot winking at Sophie after they free Nate. Parker hugging her immediately once her and Tara arrive on the ship. Hardison putting his hand on the small of her back as he passes by her to go down the stairs. I just love them all so much.

And lastly of course, the reveal of the plan, Nate cuffing himself to the railing and making Sterling leave his family alone. What Nate says to them always makes me so emo too: "You guys are the most honourable people I have ever met in my life. You have become my family, my only family. And I will never forget that." John Rogers, sir, we need to have some words once I get this lake out of my eyes. And I obviously can't not mention the kiss. Finally, finally Nate gets his shit together. And she slaps him and it is perfect. And then they leave and he sits down and bleeds and Sterling, for a moment, is genuinely concerned about Nate as a person and not merely about Nate as his only way to nail Kadjic.

Bob: Who the hell is this guy? Sterling: I have no idea. Nate: My name is Nate Ford. And I'm a thief.

Yes. Yes you are, you magnificent bastard.

[image taken from the electricnow website]

[ot3-watch]

Episode 1: The Nigerian Job Rewatch

Nate is so far beyond done at this point it’s hilarious. “I want to hire you” “FUCK OFF MAN I’M BUSY DRINKING MYSELF TO AN EARLY GRAVE”

“I need you to steal them back…” WTF DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN VICTOR? WHAT, DID YOU THINK THE BEST INSURANCE INVESTIGATOR WASN’T GOING TO FIGURE OUT YOU WERE GOING TO DOUBLE CROSS HIM? He’s so stupid I can’t. 

“Parker is insane.” No. She just has a little trouble. Don’t DO THIS to her Nate.

“They work alone,” not for looong.

And… there it is! IYS. The most overused villains and this coming from a doctor who fan who sat through the daleks coming back EVERY SINGLE SEASON after being destroyed

Why do they all sound so weird? Like the dialogue does NOT sound normal

How tf did Eliot win in that scene tho? We see how long it takes him to fight later on like I just do not get it. ANd the tea isn’t even scathed? How? Everyone talks about The Big Bang Job’s shootout scene as being super unrealistic, but honestly, it barely registers compared to this one.

“You’re precisely why I work alone.” Yeah, because you’re at risk of falling in love otherwise Mr. Heart Eyes.

I’m remembering how much I did NOT like Parker in the beginning and I don’t like that. I love Parker but early Parker was eh.

PARKER YOU CAN’T JUST THROW THE GLASS. THAT’S EVIDENCE PARKER. YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE PARKER. SOMEONE’S GOING TO KNOW PARKER. 

You expect me to believe that Parker is a world class thief who wouldn’t think to count the haircuts? They keep making everyone else look dumber to make Nate look smarter which makes NO SENSE because honestly, it makes it hard to believe that the other three survived on their own without Nate to guide them. WHICH THEY DID! AND THEY WERE THE BEST IN THE WORLD AT WHAT THEY DID. WTF

“That’s what I do.” AKA THE MOMENT ALEC HARDISON BECOMES AN ELIOT STAN

JENNY 8675309????

 “I know you children don’t play well with others” He’s already a dad i can’t.

If they knew about this plan and had the materials to pull it off, why did no one think of it? 

ALSO HOW TF DO THEY GET THE MAKE UP ON SO QUICKLY IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

How did the burn scam even work? Like i get it, make him uncomfortable so he won’t ask questions but like… they thought no one was in the building? The elevators were shut down? Why did he not question it? How stupid????

The black king/white knight metaphor was honestly the worst part of the first episode like it bothers me so much and I cannot effectively come close to explaining why

Where does Nate live? Why is his place so fancy? HE’S UNEMPLOYED RIGHT NOW AND BANKRUPTED HIMSELF TRYING TO HELP SAM. “It’s a hotel,” my sister says. IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A HOTEL ROOM? ANd that doesn’t explain how he affords a hotel room that nice.

….Why didn’t Eliot just disarm Hardison? We know he can. I don’t get it.

If you knew the place was gonna blow, why didn’t you run Nate? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS NATE

Eliot’s already putting himself in danger to help Hardison up. YOUR HONOR THEY’RE IN LOVE. THEY’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER LESS THAN 24 HOURS AND THEY’RE IN LOVE.

“Do you trust me?” NO. NO NATE. NO I FUCKING DON’T.

I feel like passing that phone through the grate should not have worked.

YEAH HARDISON. MUG IT FOR THE CAMERA

Eliot’s accent I LOVE HIM “Can you hold, son?” FOREVER FOR YOU.

How are the state police so fucking stupid i can’t

They literally… they just dumb everyone down to make Nate look smarter and it SUCKS

Ah, the first Hardison safe house. 

“You won’t get within 100 yards” HE’S ELIOT FUCKING SPENCER I BET YOU ANYTHING HE CAN

“He didn’t pay us… I take that personally.” I-- Parker if you’re dead you can’t make more money. Parker? It’s important to me that you know this, Parker.

The websites they’re looking at are so obviously fake. 

Nate? Nate it’s just a picture. DUbenich can’t hear you, Nate.

“He used my son” I cannot explain how much overexposure has made me NOT CARE ABOUT FUCKING SAM

“What the hecks a Sophie” That, Eliot. That’s a Sophie. 

Honestly? My favorite character introduction in this episode. 

WHY DO THEY ALL TALK SO WEIRD IN THIS EPISODE? THEIR VOICES ARE SO OFF WHAT THE FUCK?

“I’m a citizen now. Honest.” YEAH FUCKING RIGHT IN WHAT WORLD

Eliot with the snacks, he’s always bringing food to his fam it’s amazing

“That’s an odd thing for you to know” “That’s an odd place for you to be” ...why am i reading a sexy sort of tension in there???

And Nate’s SMILING at it

Ok but how does Nate know about plane schematics? 

Sophie’s accent… none of them are that accurate but this one felt especially weird

Eliot playing the IT tech is everything

Also the reference to the IT Crowd by Parker is *chef’s kiss*

HE’S SO CUTE THOUGH

I’m just a simp for Eliot Spencer okay?

“I know you’re manipulating me, Anna.” Yeah but you’re still gonna fall for it, aren’t you? You stupid, stupid man.

Eliot’s so sweet though. He’s just trying to make friends. 

Like really though, he’s so standoffish and stoic, but the second he has the chance, he tries to bond and he’s so gregarious. Like, it makes so much sense that he has so many friends all over he place. 

“Eliot, we’re not friends,” STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE NATE. I HATE YOU NATE. HE’S JUST TRYING TO BE YOUR FRIEND NATE. 

Hardison gliding by in the wheelie chair… he’s such a goof and a mood and i love him.

...Hardison… Hardison you can hack anything… Hardison why didn’t you put them in the building directory? IT’S A DIGITAL DIRECTORY YOU COULD HAVE DONE IT THIS WAS SO UNNECESSARY

Nate, EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU!! hoW DOES HE NOT GET ARRESTED???

THERE”S A COP CAR RIGHT THERE HOW THE FUCK DID THAT WORK

...is there anyone Sophie doesn’t have sexual chemistry with in this episode? Like, seriously, i think it’s just Hardison. She and Nate are obvious, and she and Eliot have that moment, and then… did they not put them in the directory just to have Parker and Sophie make heart eyes at each other for a few seconds?

HOW DID ANYONE WATCH THIS SHOW AND EVER THINK SOPHIE AND PARKER WERE STRAIGHT THO

Dubenich sounds like Wallace Shawn and looks like Stephen Moffat and I HATE HIM. Wallace Shawn is great, and i love him but DUBENICH CAN DIE

This looks like such a boring party why would anyone want to be there. THERE’S DAY DRINKING FOR GOODNESS SAKE EWWW WHY (okay maybe i just hate alcohol. I hate it more in professional settings.)

“Sir, I can take your underpants.” OKAY HIGGINS. WEIRD FLEX BUT OKAY.

Parker and Hardison look so smug walking out of the building i love it. 

...why don’t you want the money Nate? YOU COULD GET A LOT MORE MONEY NATE. TAKE THE GODDAMNED MONEY NATE

And today on “I Will Never Understand the Way the Stock Market Works…” Like i get the basic idea but like… how do you make money if it’s gonna fall that much? HOw.. how does this work?

NO THAT IS NOT AN INVITATION TO EXPLAIN ECONOMICS TO ME I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE STOCK MARKET

“Somebody kiss this man so I don’t have to” you will. One day, Eliot, you will. 

So, fun fact. Supposedly, their score was $32,761,349.05 each. Which doesn’t really seem like a lot of money to me? Like, at least definitely not enough for Nate to do with it what he does? Like, maybe I just have a really difficult time fathoming that much money? Like, don’t get me wrong, I’d love just a taste of that but like, also? It really seems like not so much? … And further on “This blogger does not understand budgeting.”

ELIOT JUST ADMIT YOU WANT PART OF A TEAM

WHY DOES SOPHIE SOUND SO WEIRD??? WHAT THE FUCK

Okay, also, i have a question. These people, at the end, this is their first client, right? So why does it look like they haven’t seen each other since they took down Dubenich in the homecoming job? WHAT?

The SUITS THO

OKAY FINAL THOUGHTS: 6/10. Not the best Leverage episode, and certainly not the best character episode. There were a LOT of kinks to work out. Things got sorted too well. And I REALLY HATE NATE THIS EARLY ON. I’ve also never loved the “this guy is an asshole but he’s smarter than everyone else and really good at what he does so it’s fine” trope that you see in so many shows like Leverage. And they really really dumb people down early on to make him seem smarter. But like… there’s a reason I kept watching, you know? Also... I remember why it took me a while to warm up to Parker and Sophie. LIke, they’re badass but I still took a while and I remember why. 

[morgansdeb]

☕️ what would you like to see happen with robbys character in season four?

Oh, man... I’ll try to make this as coherent as possible. Thanks for the ask!

1) Shannon. I’ll be really disappointed if she isn’t in s4 and we get some line like “yeah, Shannon’s worried about Robby but she can’t leave rehab!! xoxo bye”... that would seriously suck.

The reason she went to rehab in the first place was to be a better mom for Robby, and I do believe she truly cares about him. The look on her face while Robby was getting arrested is proof of that. Right now Robby is about to deal with the worst thing he’ll ever have to deal with, which is being under Kreese. If there could be someone who could talk some sense into him, it’s his mom. And I’d also like to see Shannon call out Johnny and Daniel for leaving Robby with Kreese, because that was... a choice™.

2) This should have happened in s3, but I need to see Robby talking about the school fight and what he did to Miguel. They could have had some scenes of Robby in juvie having nightmares or getting some PTSD flashbacks of kicking Miguel down the stairs, but instead we got... nothing. Just some cool fight in ep5, and then Robby was missing for two whole episodes where who knows what happened to him (tbh the way they dealt with both Miguel and Robby’s reactions to the school fight and Miguel’s fall was extremely poorly written).

3) I know a lot of people don’t want to see Robby doing ~villainous things, but I think that’s inevitable. He’s angry, feels abandoned and betrayed by everyone he’s ever cared about, has no positive influences in his life right now, and is currently with Kreese and Cobra Kai. So Robby going dark and doing some extreme things like Hawk and Tory did in s3 is meant to happen. I think it’d be bullshit if by the first episode we already have Robby in full Cobra Kai mode, but at the same time, he already stole a snake to please Kreese and his new teammates. And I personally don’t mind Robby being a bad bitch for a while, as long as they show his inner struggle and he doesn’t completely forget the things he’s learned at Miyagi-Do.

4) Robby and Tory opening up to each other. Listen, I know, I KNOW this show has a bad track record with romance. But we truly don’t know if Robby and Tory will be a couple yet, so I’ll save my judgment and opinions for that later, if they get together. What I need to see is them talking about their shitty home lives together, maybe have a scene where Robby goes to Tory’s place and he meets her little brother or something. Robby telling Tory about what it was like growing up with an alcoholic mom and without a dad would be good, too. idk, I just need someone to have Robby’s back.

5) I’d like to see Sam acknowledging Robby’s situation in some way. We know she still cares about him, so it’d be nice to have a scene between her and Daniel where she’s worried about what could happen to Robby under Kreese. Maybe have a scene where Johnny asks Sam about Robby? Johnny doesn’t know his own son, so maybe his ex-girlfriend would be the perfect person to tell him something about him...

6) I don’t wanna get my hopes up with Johnny, but dude... your son is right now in the same situation you were all those years ago. And he ended up there because of your negligence. So I think it’d be good for Johnny’s character to beat himself up over what’s going on with Robby, and for him to try to do something, anything. It’s sad that I have more faith in Daniel than in him.

7) For the show to point out that Robby used to be teammates with Demetri, Chris, and Nate. I know in s3, the writers didn’t want Robby to have friends that would actively fight for him because, well, if you have nice friends you won’t end up living in a dojo with a war criminal, and Robby isn’t allowed to have nice things, but you know, if we get some kind of confrontation scene between Robby and Miyagi-Do, maybe let Demetri say to him “we used to be on the same team!!” or something.

8) I know a lot of people don’t want this because it’s predictable, but I need the Miguel vs Robby rematch at the AV. I need Miguel to have a proper chance to confront Robby about, you know, almost killing him, and please, don’t make it all about Sam. I HATE that Miguel and Robby’s “confrontation” in s3 didn’t have the seriousness it deserved and had Sam in the middle of it. And as much as I love Robby, I need him to lose that fight. I’m hoping he’d break free of Kreese’s hold by the end of the season, but I guess there’s always the possibility that Robby could be with Kreese and Cobra Kai for a lot longer.

9) This will never happen, but I need Robby to find out Kyler sexually harassed Sam and punch him in the face, lmao.

10) Robby vs Hawk fight. I’ve already seen people predicting Robby will injure Hawk as payback for what happened in the first tournament, and I can totally see that happening. We know Hawk hates Robby’s guts for what he did to Miguel, so they should have a chance to fight it out.

There are probably some things I’m forgetting. With my luck, I’ll probably won’t even get half of these things, but I can still dream, lol.

[moku-youbi]

Alright Untamed fandom, where do I submit and/or beg for my fic ideas? 

I DESPERATELY need a Leverage AU for this fandom (and for Word of Honor, too, but that’s going to be a separate post), you GUYS!?! Tell me you can’t see this:

Lan Zhan in the role of Nate--maybe as a detective of some fashion instead of insurance investigation. Or maybe he works as head of security for his very wealthy family. And for a while he’s so sure that he’s doing the Right and Honorable and Just thing, hunting down these criminals. And he’s got some serious angst over his friend Wei Ying who was head of security for the Jiang until he stole some huge corporate secret and sold it to their competitors before disappearing into the criminal underworld. And Lan Zhan’s seen him over the next few years, only very briefly, when their paths cross from opposite sides of a heist and Wei Ying says he’s been framed, but no matter how often Lan Zhan tries to convince him to come home and set things right and face punishment. Because even if he hadn’t done the original crime, he’s clearly doing crime (and being gay, but that is neither here nor there) and he has to take responsibility and Wei Ying’s like no thanks, bro. So then Lan Zhan finds out something that sort of shakes him to the core, like maybe some sketchy things his own family have done, or that they were in on framing Wei Ying along with the Jin, whatever, not sure on the details. But he quits and starts having guilt over the fact that he just assumed the worst about Wei Ying, and also, all these awful things that Wei Ying has done since? Are him trying to clean up messes made by the Wen and Jin and Lan.

After some soul searching, Lan Zhan starts digging into all the shit that these major corporations have been up to, and starts identifying the people who’ve been hurt by them and have been fighting back on their own, and decides to bring them all together. There’s:

* Meng Yao (fucked over by his father and out for revenge on the whole wide world, and who would be the perfect confidence man, lbr and very brainy, yes, but no where on the level of...) * Nie Huaisang (hacker extraordinaire, able to get any information on anyone or anything in basically 10 seconds or less, and able to use that to manipulate every scenario perfectly to his whims--he doesn’t NEED to steal, you’ll give him exactly what he wants without you even realising it...look, he doesn’t need to be doing this, but he is pissed over what happened with Wei Ying and the Wen are constantly flexing on his brother, and also, it’s fun!) * Wen Ning (who to everyone’s astonishment is the best hitter in the game, started helping Wei Ying shortly after his fall from grace, has issues galore with basically every sect, but he’s really only in this for his family and Wei Ying) * Wen Qing (who comes part and parcel with WN and WY because these assholes always end up needing to be patched up, and also, need a voice of sanity and reason) * Xue Yang (who just likes shiny things and fucking shit up and bewilders everyone over the fact that he can steal, like, anything and has warehouses full of treasure, but just squats in a ramshackle abandoned building and spends all his money on candy and baked goods) * A-Qing (who is Xue Yang’s thief and con-woman in training, and who will mercilessly use her youth and anonymity with the main companies to bleed them fucking dry)

And Lan Zhan can’t get ahold of Wei Ying at first, but after the team’s first job, oh you better fucking believe Wei Ying is interested now! (okay, he was interested as soon as Lan Zhan spoke to the Wen siblings, but he was waiting to see how things fell out and if this was some sort of trap that he’d need to spring them from). They’re in the middle of some elaborate heist and it’s all about to fall apart, and Lan Zhan is as close to freaking out as someone like Lan Zhan can be, and Wei Ying just strolls in and saves the day with his devastating smile.

So the gang saves the day and makes the bad guys pay, and then they decide you know, there are a lot more assholes out there pulling things like this, and we’re really good at screwing them over. 

I just want all the found-family feels, and the reconciliation, and the romance. How Yanli finds ways to send care packages to Wei Ying through Huaisang and trying to let him know she believes in him no matter what. And someday after the initial confrontation with the Jin/Wen/Lan, just stopping by the team’s headquarters on the regular to feed them when they’re so busy planning they forget to take care of themselves. The eventual confrontation of Wei Ying and Lan Zhan with their respective brothers and adoptive parents/uncle. Meng Yao getting the love and recognition he deserves after his father is arrested. The crew picking up new members here and there, like XXC and SL who are some sort of law enforcement, and...not so sure about this at first, but eventually end up looking the other way (and maybe adopting A-Qing and inexplicably becoming enamored of Xue Yang). Wei Ying and Lan Zhan rescuing A-Yuan at some point when taking on the Wen, and him being raised by his two dads and the craziest and most loving group of Aunties and Uncles.

Some of them go more ~legit after things fall out. Like Meng Yao is way more appropriate to run the Jin than his brother, and they both know it. And Huaisang has to keep an air of respectability about himself, and Wen Qing is a legit doctor, okay...but they still help out on the regular.

Look, I would write this myself, I WOULD. Except 1.) I know no where NEAR enough about Chinese culture to do it justice, and 2.) ever since I started my ADHD meds I’ve been...incapable of writing? (which goes hand in hand with 2 actually, because researching feels daunting). So *hands* someone make it a thing??

[queerdiaz]

Thoughts: if the 911 characters played themselves but in a horror or action movie, what would their roles be? Aka, you know how there’s those characters in action movies or horror movies who are really funny and crack jokes (unintentionally) when they’re under intense pressure? You know those characters who figure out a way for everyone to escape the danger? What kind of person would each of the 911 characters be in either of these kinds of movies?

Ooooo this is such a unique question thank you Ren!

I don't really watch that much horror even though I know most of it's tropes but I'm just gonna stick to the action tropes if that's okay bc that I know a lot about aklhsjhs

Okay, so the first things that comes in my head is that even though we have Bobby as the captain so he's like the automatic leader of the group (for both the horror and the action roles) but given how these beloved dummies are they would all come up with different plans and argue about who's plan they should follow. I mean look at the scene at the end of 5x03, Buck and Chim specifically are definitely the ones who would try to lead and think they should follow their plans.

Chimney: Your plan makes no sense Buck! Buck: You make no sense

And then Bobby tells them to stop and then he comes up with an entirely different plan to which both Chim and Buck try to say that it was their second choice.

Okay, so as like individual tropes, though, I'm thinking of all the different tropes in action movies/shows that have a team. And this is what I came up with:

Bobby and Athena: The Leaders who come up with the plans together and decide strategy and are obviously still the Mom and Dad of the group (I'm getting very Nate and Sophie from Leverage vibes)

Chimney: The right hand man and comic relief but also the one who gets all the intel and their access to anywhere bc he always knows 'a guy' bc he makes friends easily. Also I can see him be a bit like Sophie where if it's on the mission he's the main person to go under disguise and do it extremely well, but outside of it he's the worst liar ever (like how Sophie is a terrible actress outside of the job)

Hen: I def get genius vibes with her but I feel like she'd be one of those badasses who can kick all the ass like a master fighter who knows all the different degrees each move can hurt someone/cause the less damage. She kinda reminds me a bit of Katara in the sense that she's still very healing but then can also be the most lethal.

Buck: Also the comic relief who's actually a big ol nerd and genius (kinda like Chris Evan's character, Jensen, in The Losers) but instead of being like a tech genius he's like a macgyver where he's very resourceful and get out of basically any situation. Also can kick ass. Oooo maybe he's like a thief like Parker is (lol now this is just turning into a sorta Leverage)

Eddie: Okay so Eddie is tough. bc on one had he kinda gives me the 'cool/hardened sniper vibe (yes I'm fully aware of the irony 😂) like Bucky or even the sniper from Losers or even the hardened muscle like Elliot from Leverage bc both Bucky and Elliot have that traumatic/hardened solider vibe that I think fits Eddie. But at the same time Eddie also gives me more of a Sam Wilson vibes bc Sam has trauma from being in the military too but just wants to do good. They're also very family oriented too. idk where that fits in the group tropes, but like Sam followed Steve and kept fighting for what was right, I can see Eddie do that. idk I feel like he's a mix between Bucky/Elliot and Sam. idk if this makes any sense 😂

Maddie: The tech genius who can also go on field and is great going undercover and obviously still together with Chimney

May: Also the tech genius who is Maddie's protege and obviously still Athena's daughter

Karen: The tech/engineer who builds all their gadgets for them who is obviously still married to Hen

Michael: They're inside man who often gives then their blueprint

David: They're doctor

As for Buddie they definitely still partners and battlefield boyfriends but bicker all the time and definitely on missions they have married couple banter ('No Buck we are not painting our bedroom is fine like it is.' 'Chris agrees with me that we should paint it' 'Our son agrees to everything you say' *stops talking as they proceed to fight a goon* 'As I was saying-)

idk if any of this makes any sense but this was really fun to think about. Thank you so much my beloved!!

[larauthorized]

Marissa Cooper Analysis

Coop, as Summer calls her. Or Cosmo Girl as Seth refers to her in his comic book. The girl next door whom Ryan first met in that driveway, delivering the most iconic flirtatious pick-up line in history. Yup, we’re going to dive deeper into the one and only Marissa Cooper, the heart of the show, who’s sadly misunderstood and overlooked even in The OC fandom. (Also, because she’s not here to defend herself, but we got you, girl!)

She’s introduced as the rich girl next door, who’s waiting to be picked up by her possibly first, long time boyfriend in the driveway. Later on, we find out that she’s not just the ordinary girl next door. She’s organized and loves planning events (the fashion show was the start of many),  while it may seem like she’s only doing it for her mother’s sake, but you can tell that she really enjoys it as it becomes another way of escapism  from her dysfunctional family (other than drinking that we’ll get into that later). She does this every season that when she’s kicked off the school even for heroic reasons, that’s when everything starts spiraling out of control that she loses herself. 

Now let’s talk about Luke, Marissa’s first, long-time boyfriend who happens to be a water polo guy that Seth might or might not hold hatred for. From the first season, we get to see a glimpse of how her family, well, Julie mostly, is the kind of rich family that forces her to be and stay with Luke just because they “look good on paper”. It reminds me of Blair and Nate from Gossip Girl, another one of Josh Schwartz’s big hit show. However, Marissa doesn’t seem too happy with the rich life that she’s used to, especially when she knows that her father is possibly in deep trouble as cops keep showing up at her door. Enter Ryan. He’s an outsider, someone who’s far different than her, someone that she longed for in years. She’s intrigued, that one is hard to deny. However, when they start talking and conversing in each other as they sneak into the Model Home house, she realizes that they’re not that different, if anything, they’re similar. In a way.. But, when Cotillion comes around, she doesn’t know what to do, as Julie once again, demands that she stays with Luke just because they’re “picture perfect” (doesn’t matter if the guy cheats and whores around behind her back like the asshole he is *sigh*). And if we’re not going to blame Blair Waldorf for letting Nate cheat on her and still choose to be with him, then we’re not going to shame Marissa, either. Yes, we went there. (take that, Bustle and TheTalko!). 

Marissa’s addiction. That one is possibly one of her worst traits, that the writers loved toying around with throughout the seasons. She tends to go overboard with this one as we see on the very first episode where she steals a whole bottle of alcohol and is left on the driveway, passed-out. This is where Ryan comes in, carrying her back to the pool house, indirectly claiming as her savior *this goes both ways for each other throughout the series, by the way*. Her alcoholism isn’t just the only thing that occurs whenever her life’s on downward spiral, it’s also shown in her bedroom sometimes. When she’s on a grey area with her life emotionally, she reflects it on her bedroom, that soon leads to be a makeover project by her best friend, Summer. Summer describes this as a reason why she’s so depressed, which psychologically speaking, can be accurate. Messy rooms are sometimes interpreted as one’s life not being as organized as they expect it to be, therefore they tend to think that “if my life is out of control, then what’s the point of keeping my room clean”? This is definitely what happens to Marissa. 

Her addiction doesn’t even get too much until Season 3. Even after what happens with Ryan’s brother, we rarely see her taking a drop after, Ryan says and I quote, “You’ve been amazing,” She replies with, “I know what it feels like to have someone believes in you when no one else does.” 

 Aside from negative coping, she’s not only known for that, if you’re actually looking closely into her character and not just judging it based on the cover. She’s an avid reader, though it’s barely shown, but we see her having her nose buried in a book every once in a while. Now that I think about it, that and many other positive qualities that she has, should have been focused and explored way more. She’s organized and carries planner whenever she needs to, she’s clearly more than the girl who needed saving if only the writers see that. Cause then maybe, people won’t refer to her as a “tragic” character that the writers want us to believe *she is not*. 

She’s definitely an introvert - compared to her best friend, Summer, who’s more the life of the party. Sure, she goes to parties and surrounds herself with her so-called “friends”, but you can literally see her drinking alone in the corner while Summer is probably having a lot more fun than she is. It’s clear that she only uses party scene as a way to steal alcohol that she will probably drink later at night as a way of coping. She also seems to be uncomfortable around new people and charges her energy while she’s on her own. This is why when she’s kicked off the school and has to go to a new environment, she doesn’t fit in right away, which leads to her insecurity increasing even higher (something that she also struggles with on a daily basis). The insecurity itself is possibly rooted from maternal issues she has, we see that on the very first episode, Julie is critizing her on how she looks, how she takes the comment on a personal level. After overdosing herself in Tijuana, she’s put on Suicide Watch, and we learn that she also suffers from “possible” ED in the past, masking it something that’s not serious because she was very stressed at the time, but is it though? Now, we never really know further cause that storyline is never explored further, we also don’t know if the writers are taking it seriously or just putting heavy weight on her shoulder for fun. Either way, it really sucks for her character, especially when she had other deep trauma issues that are barely addressed throughout the series.

Her savior complex. Now now now, this one is kind of controversial, excluding the last season where the main focus is “Ryan failed to save her”, helping and saving people are actually her forte, just like Ryan - which is why they probably connect in the first place. People love to call she’s selfish and needs saving all the time, but they’re people, who don’t bother to look deeper and judge all they please, it’s sickening. First, despite how problematic it might seem, she tries to help Oliver (no matter how many times Ryan thinks she doesn’t). She sees herself in Oliver and is scared that he might go down the rabbit hole if she leaves him alone, that’s actually sweet and showcases her nurturing side. The only downside is that every guy she does this to, seems to take it the wrong way and thinks of it as more than a friendly gesture. Cause you know, it was the 2000s, boy/girl friendships aren’t as common as it is now. She even lets Ryan go to help Theresa even though she needs him as well, knowing that he literally has an affair with another girl while they are still kind of together. How she’s trying to make  Ryan’s brother feel welcome in the neighborhood, keeping him company, not realizing that Trey might turn out to be the one that truly hurt and destroy her. What makes my blood boil even more is when they call her stupid for trusting Trey, for what, really? For wanting to get to know Ryan’s family because she loves him that much, that she’s willing to go far and beyond? *shudders* Even then, she’s still not thinking of herself when that happens, that her only response when Trey confronts her is “Me?! How about Ryan?” So yeah, I’ll fight anyone who calls her selfish. My ass.  The other thing with Johnny is that, she doesn’t try to save him, she actually sees him as a friend that she can vent to about her traumatic events that happen to her in the previous season. Because, for some reason they make Ryan look and seem like a douche this season and not wanting to talk to her though he always is there for her before *probably for angst, right?*. It’s actually stupid how they twist Johnny around and make him in love with her, leaving her yet alone again, but guess that’s what they’re trying to accomplish with her character as she’s left with her addiction only during this entire thing. 

Saving guys who don’t even deserve a shred of her kindness aren’t the only thing she’s good at - remember Hailey, Kirsten’s sister, who ends up a stripper that one time and how Marissa and Ryan find her and as he’s about to give up after getting kicked out of a club, she’s still optimistic and comes up with a plan to save her? Yeah, that one true partner in crime right there. She also schemes every now and then, not that that’s ever explored deeply in the show, but it’s there. 

Now Volchok, the guy that we all want to punch (Let’s go, Ryan!). She just loses a friend (one she can talk to about traumatic events), deals with s3xual assault and having to shoot someone to save her boyfriend, that’s got to be too much on a teenager girl like her. So no, she doesn’t just do that because she “loves to date bad boys”. There she is, standing and looking around the Model Home house, reconciling of the old times between her and Ryan. She realizes that she wants to be with Ryan and is ready for it too, but she can’t seem to go over to him when the time comes, giving him the mixtape that she makes him. The situation’s reversed, she used to be the rich girl with a mansion, now there she is, barely having her own bedroom, living in a trailer park. To add to that, she’s dealing with traumatic events still, so of course she’s insecure. She thinks she’s not good enough for Ryan and giving in to Volchok is a sign of that. But she wants Ryan to be happy, hence why she chases after Sadie, practically driving the girl into his arms. Poor, poor girl deserves so much better.

Let’s take a breather and talk about her family now. Despite how dysfunctional it might seem on the outside, and how many furniture thrown in the pool, doesn’t erase the fact that she’s a family girl. Jimmy, her father, has a way of coming and going any ways he likes. She even points it out and says, “You know, I wish you’d be like a real dad,” Ouch, that hurt. But it’s true, when it comes to family, she’s looking for a tradition, something stable that she can always cling onto especially when she’s in time of need. This is why when she comes up bringing bagels to the Cohen’s house, she feels warmed and welcomed by the family. It’s the one thing she lacks of in her family. Julie, despite the crazy ways in providing for her, is actually doing a better job at being there for her than Jimmy ever does. Sure, Julie is seen more of a villain in the first season (hell, the woman sleeps with her boyfriend that she lost her virginity to, so if I were her, I’d understand if she wants to, say, take revenge and invite her mom’s sister that Julie strongly hates as part of her master plan), but by the end of Season 3, they really grow stronger as a mother-daughter relationship that we really wish to see more of if given a chance.  Despite not showing much for her and only coming for the drama, she truly cares for her sister, Kaitlin. When she’s done moping around after traumatic events, she drives away to where her sister’s boarding school is, all because she wants to help her sister with something. There she is, finally having drama-free, fun episode where we get to see her strolling around in a sexy school girl outfit, but clearly the writers never catch her a break and hate to see her happy for once. 

Marissa is always seen as beautiful on the outside, but I don’t think she ever feels it at times. Luke’s cheating, probably makes her feel insecure and her mother sleeping with him helps as well. Ryan is the only person who actually sees her. She’s his heather.

People love pointing out her flaws when it comes to her relationship with darling Ryan, but the truth is, she has always been putting him before anyone else. She saves him multiple times throughout the series, even when he’s hardly there for her in Season 3. When she follows him to Chino, she visits his house and finds out more about him as a child - discovering that he used to be in a play dressed as Snoopy (again, she’s finding more and more about him because she cares and loves him deeply). Then, he goes out there saving his brother, not knowing that who he’s dealing with, she comes just in time with a car, saving him. This happens again when he’s broken up with Lindsay, she finds him in the rain, and comforts him, no talking needed. She shot her rapist to save him by the finale. Even in Season 3, when he’s chasing trouble with Volchok going back to his old ways as she’s miles away from Newport, he seeks for her help again, she is quick to respond and be there for him right away. Something he fails to do during this season, don’t ever tell me that she never thinks of him when that’s not true. She encourages him to talk about his architecture dream when they’re both on a college trip (this is such goals!). 

With her neglectful and narcistic parents, emotionally, and Ryan’s who’s more physically, that’s why they click and their relationship works. He doesn’t trust anyone and she doesn’t encourage her bad behavior on him, but they’re both there for each other. Always. She’s his constant, just like he’s hers, she accepts him the way he is because she’s imperfect as well. She sees him as the one thing that she can rely on and that’s really sweet. They both come from dysfunctional family with their own issues in hopes to build one of their own that actually works, at least that’s what we’re all rooting for, right? 

Well, at least, in another world, we see Marissa Cooper and Ryan Atwood sailing away on a boat, travelling, and exploring the world as they should be before settling back down to their roots - Model Home House, Newport. It’s what she deserves. 

[crashdevlin]

Satisfied- Ch. 15

Author’s Note: Happily Ever Eventually Masterlist, Satisfied Masterlist 

Summary: Dr. McCaullife tells Y/n to get closure, which leads to confrontations across the board.

Pairing: none 

Word Count: 3106

Chapter Warnings: mentions of cheating, mentions of mental breakdown, mentions of self-harm, mentions of noncon touching, bit of PTSD (it's a syndrome not a disorder😂🤣...in joke from another series), 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

My house is fairly small. I don’t need a lot of room. I spent more on the security system than anything, really. It’s a good one...a bajillion cameras running to a computer in my office closet, a doorbell cam going to my phone, a sensor on every door and window. I would love to say that I didn’t have Tom in mind when I bought it, but I was thinking of him more than I was thinking of paps and creepy fans. 

He had to stay in Texas due to the probation agreement, so he bought a house, too. A converted barn on the outskirts of Henly...an hour away from my home. Too close. Too close for any sort of comfort...but the ADA assured me that he was going to adhere to the protection order. So, I spent a lot of money on a security system.

When my doorbell went off and I looked at my phone to see Danneel standing on my porch, my stomach twisted. I just got rid of Jay, sent him home from New Orleans to be with his wife and then she shows up on my porch? How’d she even know where I live? *Guess this is my opportunity to get done with her, too.*

I opened the door and bit my lip as I looked at her. She had her hair down and scrunched up in sexy waves. She really is incredibly beautiful. I will never think anything else. “Hey, sweetie,” she greeted, smiling softly. “Can I come in?” I nodded and stepped back, closing the door as she set her purse on my loveseat and turned to me. “This is a cute place. You chose well.”

“Figure I don’t need a lot of space. Just enough for me and the kids on the occasion I get to see them.” I took a deep breath and crossed my arms over my chest. “What can I do for you, Danneel?”

“Jay told me about your fight at the con and-”

“That wasn’t a fight,” I interrupted, shaking my head. “That wasn’t even a disagreement.”

“Sweetie,” she started, but I sighed and caught her eyes.

“No. Please, listen.” I took another breath and looked away from her. “I’m not mad. I haven’t wanted to fight. That’s why I didn’t reach out to you after I saw the video. That’s why I shut down...and shutting down wasn’t the best way to deal with it, but still, I never wanted to fight.”

“But isn’t Jay worth fighting for, Y/n?”

That sentence sent rage zipping through my chest, but I took another breath. Calm myself, move forward. “No one is worth that much fighting. Especially if they’re not willing to fight for me. He wanted you back, Dee. I was always the consolation prize.”

“He loves you.”

“I wish that were enough...but it wasn’t enough to keep him from cheating on me.” Her face fell and I could see she wanted to argue the word ‘cheating’ so I kept talking. “You both knew I didn’t want you touching each other while I was gone...and tell me that you honestly didn’t see that I had a lot of regrets after we fucked. Tell me you didn’t know that it was probably never going to happen again...and that’s why you took the opportunity while I was gone.”

She looked down, avoiding my gaze. “Jensen and I-”

“Danneel, it’s okay.” I smiled and swallowed down my residual sadness. “Seriously. You don’t have to feel guilty here, hon. You and Jensen never stopped loving each other. That’s a fact. I just got in the way of what never should have ended in the first place. I’m moving on. I’ll find someone eventually, but for now...you and Jensen should be together. You always should have been.”

“Y/n, you deserve-”

“I deserve to move on,” I snapped, before licking my lips and stepping closer. “You and Jensen need to be together...and I need to be alone for a while. So...don’t feel bad. Don’t apologize. Don’t try to get me to fight...because I’m done fighting.”

She started crying as I hugged her, but I just felt relief. It was done. Finally, there was closure. She’d leave my house and go back to Jensen and everything would be done. A short time later she did just that...and I sat on my couch and wiped my eyes and...did some affirmations and moved forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Closure on two fronts. That’s good,” Dr. McCauliffe said at my appointment the Monday after.

“Yeah. Now I just need closure with Nate and Tom and maybe I’ll be well-adjusted some day,” I said sarcastically.

“You should,” she encouraged, leaning forward.

“Wait...what?”

“You should have a sit-down with Tom and with Nate. You have grievances. You should air them.”

I scoffed and shook my head. “A sit-down with Tom is almost impossible. There are protections in place to keep that from happening and besides, you...you don’t want me interacting with Tom.”

“Not through text messages from unknown numbers when you’re feeling numb and broken. That was unhealthy. With you like this? Making breakthroughs and getting closure? That can only help.” She tapped her pen against her clipboard and smiled. “I’m sure there’s a way for you to meet with Tom, with protections, and clear the air a bit.”

“Clear the air. What would I even say to him? What would I even...How could I even talk to him without letting my brain go back to…” I rolled my shoulders back and ran my hand across my mouth.

“You talked to Jensen without an issue. You stood your ground twice, under stressful circumstances, and you came out the other side. I feel like you could handle this with grace. And I will be right here to help with any fallout that might occur. Okay?"

It took a lot of cajoling from Dr. McCauliffe, and some from Misha and Kim, but eventually I decided that it might not be the worst idea for my mental health if I got some closure with Nate. If that worked, I might go for closure with Tom...with a bodyguard and some lawyers and a knife in my pocket, just in case. 

I flew to Florida and took an Uber to Nate’s house. I had the driver wait, offered a $100 tip, and went up to the door. Jenny answered. I fought down a wave of anger at the sight of her. She used to be a friend. She was Nate’s friend first, a girl he told me was ‘one of the guys’ and not to worry about. I made friends to prove I wasn’t worried. I should have always been worried about Nate.

“It’s not your weekend,” she snapped.

“I’m not here for Nova. I’m here to talk to Nate.”

She scoffed and turned around to look at her husband, who was walking up from the living room. “It’s okay, Jen. I got this,” Nate said, stepping outside and shutting the door. “Sorry, she’s been kinda worried that you might decide you wanna come steal me back ever since she found out you and Jensen broke up.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not a homewrecker. That’s her job.”

“Whoa!” he exclaimed. “Don’t talk about my wife like-”

"Your wife cheated on her husband with my husband, ruined two families, and displaced three children all while smiling across the table at me during game nights and pretending she had never sucked your cock. She is as much a liar and a slut as you."

Nate's eyes went huge as I spoke. I really wasn't expecting to explode like that, but years of bubbling anger, I guess. 

"What the hell, Y/n? You flew in from Texas to call me and Jenny names?"

"No, I flew in from Texas for closure. My shrink thinks it's a good idea to get the shit I've been holding back off my chest so I came to talk to you. Honestly? Probably never woulda said a word against Jenny if she hadn't answered the door, but she did." I shrugged. "Too late now."

"What could you possibly have left to get off your chest?"

"Do you even realize how poorly you treated me? No, I'm sure you can't be that delusional. Do you even care?" I took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes. Blue just like Tom. *Gotta get a brown-eyed boy next time. Haven't been fucked over by a brown-eyed guy yet. No. No guys. No dating. Just me.* "I loved you with everything in me, Nate. You were everything to me, and you used that, used me to make yourself feel better, to make your friends laugh at the stupid fat girl who didn't realize you were fucking around. I know Jenny wasn't the first. And I bet she wasn't the last, either. Bet you got a few skeletons hiding from her too. Because you don't change. You're the same exact piece of shit you were when we were in high school...and Jenny knows that or she wouldn't be so scared that you would run away with your ex-wife. Not that I'd ever take you."

He scoffed in anger and I laughed. "I've had literal models in my bed, Nate. How delusionally narcissistic do you have to be to think that I would take a pencil-dicked, scruffy-faced, beatnik-looking motherfucker like you back?" Well, that was almost Tara-levels of confidence. When did that happen? "Look, I know you never loved me. I'm not delusional anymore, but I keep hoping that you'll love Nova...she's part of you, that should play right into your narcissism, but the way you use her like a tool, like a weapon against me...I don't think you love her any more than you loved me. And if you damage her, I will bury you."

He scoffed again. "You couldn't even win custody cause you're so unstable. What do you think you could do?"

"I didn't say I'd bury you in court." My voice was calm, with an edge of threatening. "You damage my daughter and I will do whatever I feel appropriate to pay you back." I was walking away when a final burn hit my mind. “It must be heartbreaking to you that the only thing you have the least in common with Jensen is that neither of you could keep it in your fucking pants.”

Dr. McCauliffe was right. Getting everything off my chest was freeing. I hadn’t even gotten on the plane back to Texas before I was on the phone with my lawyer. “What do you mean, you want a meeting with him? The man tried to rape you! There’s a restraining order on him and a-”

“I have to talk to him. That’s all. Lawyers present, a bodyguard or a cop in the room. I have things I need to say...Things I need to tell him so that I can get on with my life. Please, make it happen.”

“This is a bad idea.”

“Yeah, maybe. But it’s my bad idea, so...make it happen.”

And he did. He got me in a meeting with Tom at my lawyer’s office, a security guard and both lawyers present. 

I wore jeans, a baggy long-sleeved blouse, and I had my hair back and out of my face. I wasn’t there to look pretty. I was there for that closure.

My heart started pounding when I walked into that room and saw him. Obviously I wasn’t even close to over what he did...which is why I needed to talk to him about it. I sat across from him at a table in a conference room and my mind couldn’t help but replay being pressed into a long wooden table in the courthouse conference room, with a silk tie shoved in my mouth and my ass stinging. I took a deep breath and sighed it out as I sat down.

“I’d like to point out that I told my client that this was a bad idea,” Tom’s lawyer said.

“I told my client the same. She insisted,” my lawyer responded.

Tom smiled and my breath hitched. I was suddenly struck with the thought that I wasn’t ready for this. Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe I should just walk out...but I’d already come so far. I averted my eyes from his, looked at the table instead. “My psychiatrist thought this would be a good thing for me. That I deserved closure.”

“Closure? You mean to say you’re completely done with me and want nothing to do with me in the future?” Tom’s voice made me shiver. “I have heard that one before...and you always text back eventually...Dear.”

“Closure means asking you ‘why’ and telling you all the ways you’ve hurt me, getting everything off of my chest so that I don’t have any regrets of things I should have said...and don’t call me that.”

“Why? Why what?” Tom asked and I looked up. Did he really not know?

“Why...our relationship, Tom. Our whole relationship and the way you treated me afterward. Why? Why did you treat me like that? Why did you try to own me? Why did you manipulate and hurt me? Why did you tell the world that Maverick was your son when you knew that you couldn’t be his father? Why did you make it seem like I was a cheating whore when you knew I wouldn’t cheat after what Nate did to me? Why did you try to rape me? Why?”

Tom sighed and looked to his lawyer, then back to me. “I’ve never met a woman like you, Y/n. You create these feelings in me that...I tamp them down with other women. You make me want to possess you. I knew the moment I saw you that I had to have you...completely. You’re the only woman I’ve ever possessed that way...and you did like it for a while, I know you did. I remember the way your body reacted-”

“That was in bed! You tried to take over my whole life and when I left you, you tried to ruin my life.”

“I wasn’t trying to ruin your life, I was trying to get you to interact with me. I was certain that you’d remember how you loved me if I got you away from Jensen. And look what happened. He left you, you started talking to me again.”

“He didn’t leave me. He cheated and I didn’t let him talk to me after,” I argued. I licked my lips and looked away, shaking my head. “I started talking to you because I was in a horrible place and I didn’t think I had anyone in my corner. I hated who I was and I thought it was a good idea to talk to someone who saw who I could be. It was a bad decision, just like the decision to date you in the first place.”

“But you were willing to talk to me when you were without Jensen’s influence. That’s all I was trying to do with the lawsuit. Of course I knew Maxwell isn’t my son but-”

“His name’s Maverick,” I snapped. “You never called Nova by her middle name, why do you insist on calling Mav by his?”

He shrugged. “I know that Jensen named that child. He’s an attractive young boy, deserves an appropriate name.”

“What about the rape?” I asked. “If all you wanted was to get me away from Jensen, why would you-”

“I saw you enter that room, there were several twitter accounts posting pics from inside the courthouse and...you were alone. For the first time in months, you were alone, so I went in to talk to you without Jensen or Jared running interference. I just wanted to talk, but...you got so defensive as soon as I walked in...and you called me a psycho.” He looked down and took a deep breath. “I just wanted you to remember that you loved me. That I could give you the things that you needed. Jensen never dominated you, never made you submit. I just wanted you to remember how you liked that...how you liked me. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted you back."

I shook my head. "That wasn't the way to go about it, Tom. None of this was the way to go about it. I understand going a bit crazy over someone, but you...you went too far. Way too far. I wanted to love you, but you wanted to own me, and that's not the same." I stood and gave him a tight smile. "I'm glad you agreed to meet with me so that we could talk. Because I'm gonna say, with absolutely no doubt or question, I am done, Tom, and it's not because I'm with Jensen because I'm not. It's because you don't love me and you need to move on...because I don't love you. Okay?"

I started to walk out but I stopped at the door when something in the security guard's hand caught my attention. "You should get help, too, Tom. Therapy has done wonders for me. Have a good life."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You should have recorded it!" Misha exclaimed when I told him about the meeting. "You should have recorded the whole thing! Then you could have released it to the media! Everyone would have seen him for the monster he is!"

"And then I would get in trouble for recording him without his consent and it would have blown back on me." I shook my head and chuckled, taking a drink of my Old Fashioned. "That security guard is gonna buy a brand new car when he sells the video he took, though."

Blue eyes popped wide on my laptop screen as he grinned in surprise. The blue eyes I can trust. "The security guard was videoing?"

"Yeah. I noticed on my way out, so I added a little flare at the end. I high-roaded and told him to get help. Therapy has done wonders for me."

"So video is gonna hit of him admitting to all the horrible things he did?"

"Yup. I don't know...kinda feels like it's finally over, ya know? I finally feel like I can move on."

"I'm glad. I'm happy that you can finally move forward and be happy too."

I hummed and nodded. “Happy sounds like a good goal. For now, we’ll call it ‘content’ or...Satisfied.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stay tuned for Another Second Chance, coming soon!

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[depictedblue-moved]

my  thoughts  on  cassie  and  2x04

cassie  is  mad  guilty  at  this  point  to  the  point  where  she  tells  nate  she’s a bad  person  and  they  shouldn’t  be  doing  this.  it’s  obvious  to  me  she’s  breaking  down  out  of  guilt  and  keeping  the  largeness  of  the  secret.  her  scenes  with  nate  in  his  bedroom  only  confirm  that.  first  of  all  this  is  when  she  catches  a  glimpse  of  the  real  nate  and  not  the  fairytale  happy  ever  bullshit  he’s  put  in  her  head  /  she  put  in  her  own  head.  like  i  said  before  she  will  romanticize  relationships  to  stay  in  them  and  she  doesn’t  like  to  be  alone.  and  she  is  also  looking  for  her  father’s  love,  it’s  crazy  to  be  how  this  affair  mirrors  her  own  relationship  with  her  father  before  he  left  her  and  the  family. the  part  of  this  scene  i  enjoyed  was  cassie  standing  up  to  nate  and  having  a  backbone,  it  made  sense  to  me  because  of  the  fact  how  he  started  this  whole  thing.  he  was  gaslighting  her  but  also  telling  her  the  truth  and  cassie  gave  it  right  back  to  him  in  full  form  and  he  deserved  that. i  think  she  needed  to  have  this  or  see  this  part  of  nate  to  really  see  who  he  was.  obviously  it’s  a  red  flag  cut  to  cassie  giving  maddy  the  scrapbook  and  how  sad  she  looks  knowing  the  weight  of  what  she  is  doing  with  nate  behind  her  back.  she  knows  she’s  already  burned  that  bridge  and  it  hurts  more  than  anything. i  think  at  this  point  cassie  just  wants  the  secret  to  be  out  there.  she  really  just  wants  to  be  with  nate  and  not  have  to  worry  about  how  they  started.  sydney  even  said  cassie  will  burn  all  bridges  for  a  taste  of  love  and  it’s  obvious  now  that  nate  has  told  cassie  he  loved  her  offscreen  and  then  in  their  fight  that  she  thinks  he  loves  her. which  makes  it  worth  it  like  i  said  she  would  do  anything  for  love  and  even  then  him  saying  that  when  she’s  acting  at  her  worst  is  enough  to  make  her  confident  that  they  have  to  be  together. like  i  don’t  think  she’s  doing  this  for  maddy’s  benefit  at  all,  she’s  selfish,  she’s  jealous  and  she  wants  nate  all  to  herself  -  she  can’t  stomach  the  fact  that  nate  and  maddy  might  get  back  together  now  when  she  loves  him  this  much. so  she  uses  that  as  an  excuse  to  verify  the  reason  to  continue  on  with  the  affair  while  also  still  feeling  very  guilty  over  the  fact  that  they  are  doing  this  to  her  best  friend. moving  onto  to  cassie  and  lexi  when  she  gets  back  home  and  lexi  is  trying  to  be  a  concerning  little  sister  and  cassie  is  just  like  no.  i  don’t  think  it’s  easy  for  cassie  to  accept  help,  i  don’t  think  she  wants  to  admit  she’s  having  a  problem,  especially  mental  issues  which  she  is  clearly  spiraling  and  so  she  blames  lexi,  tells  her  that  she  feels  like  she’s  MAKING  HER  CRAZY  when  in  reality  this  is  all  cassie’s  doing  but  she  has  to  find  someone  else  to  blame  for  her  guilt.  and  it’s  also  the  fact that  she  feels  judged  and  maybe  that  is  true  but  cassie  also  isolates  and  so  that  is  probably  a  lot  of  her  paranoia  of  being  judged  because  at  this  point  she’s  avoiding  everyone (  including  maddy  )  to  continue  on  with  nate  and  being  his  secret  which  i  think  is  also  giving  her  life  purpose  again  but  also  destroying  her  from  the  inside  out. now  i  will  talk  about  cassie  at  the  party,  what’s  interesting  to  me  is  the  fact  that  she’s  taken  up  alcohol  to  deal  with  her  problems  just  like  her  mom,  it’s  a  coping  mechanism  at  this  point,  she’s  drinking  hardcore,  she’s  making  a  fool  out  of  herself,  she’s  dancing  alone.   i  really  liked  the  song  they  used  in  this  scene  because  it’s  like  -    Somebody cut out your heart You refuse to feel And you live in a shell You create your own hell

these  lyrics  are  very  telling  of  cassie’s  arc  this  season  at  least  to  me,  she’s  self  isolated  (  live  in  a  shell  )  and  in  turn  that  is  making  her  feel  crazy  of  course  these  are  all  self  inflicted  problems  too  and  she  is  still  young  and  well,  young  people  never  have  it  easy,  think  about  when  you  were  in  high  school- 

i  also  want  to  talk  about  cassie’s  deflecting  /  self  destructive  behavior  in  this  little  space.  because  it’s  obvious  she  has  a  lot  of  self  destructive  behavior  all  guided  by  the  possibility  of  being  loved.  i  won’t  deny  that  a  lot  of  it  is  manipulative  gaslighting  and  mental  abuse  caused  from  nate  because  he  knows  what  he  is  doing  to  her.  but  it’s  interesting  to  me  how  cassie  seems  to  deflect  a  lot  when  someone  asks  her  if  something  is  wrong.  suze  is  a  good  example  of  this  because  she’s  very  flippant  with  her  mother  and  says  ‘  i’m  fine,  do  i  not  look  fine?  ‘  i  think  at  this  point  cassie  is  just  exhausted  living  this  double  life  that  she  is  not  taking  care  of  herself  and  she’s  become  obsessed.  

also  talking  about  cassie  and  nate  and  the  bikini,  my  assumption  is  like  cassie  knows  nate  at  this  point  and  she  knows  like  how  to  get  his  attention  but  also  she  knows  what  maddy  has  done  to  get  his  attention  and  the  way  she  steps  off  that  ledge  in  such  false  confidence  and  looks  over  at  him  is  enough  to  be  like  ‘  hey,  i’m  playing  your  games  ‘  and  it’s  almost  like  a  last  attempt  effort  to  gain  his  affections  again.  thought  it’s  desperate  and  extra  too.

okay  now  moving  onto  the  hot  tub  scene  because  there  is  a  lot  to  unpack  there  so  cassie  comes  out  finally  and  joins  the  rest  of  the  people  and  she’s  kind  of  just  chilling  i guess  but  it’s  when  she  asks  nate  “  you’re  not  getting  back  together “  and  he  says  no, and  then  all  that  stuff  starts  with  maddy  and  nate  and  it’s  like  whoa.  but  at  the  same  time,  when  cassie  is  hearing  these  words  it’s  like  she’s  hearing  them  for  the  first  time  and  it  probably  makes  her  sick  because  nate  probably  told  her  the  same  things.  because  his  eyes  are  VERY  shifty  and  he  looks  almost  guilty  in  that  scene? besides  that  it’s  enough  for  cassie  to  projectile  vomit  everywhere  and  then  proceed  to  drunkenly  tell  maddy  she’s  ruined  everything  by  sleeping  with  nate.  and  i  think  that  is  when  she  the  consequences  of  her  actions  begin  to  set  in  and  she  begins  to  realize  that  things  aren’t  ever  going  to  go  back  to  the  way  they  were  once  this  is  out. her  going  upstairs  and  still  reaching  for  nate  only  confirms  that  she  believes  they  still  belong  together  and  maybe  part  of  that  is  because  she  feels  like  she’s  a  horrible  person  who  won’t  get  anyone  to  love  her  after  all  the  mistakes  she’s  made.  i  think  that  was  also  a  very  big  dissociate  moment  for  her  to  hold  onto  the  mess  she  made. the  ending  scene  with  the  flowers  and  her  looking  in  the  mirror  was  so  tragically  beautiful,  i  think  cassie  is  going  to  have  a  very  rough  time  this  season  but  also  she  seems  to  be  spiraling  deeper  and  losing  her  mind  which  i  think  is  very  midsommar  vibes  the  flowers  represent  her  descent  into  madness  and  even  though  she  is  crying  silently  i  think  she  is  accepting  this  new  sense  of  regression  and  we  will  have  to  see  what  is  going  to  happen  to  my  daughter. 

[zaritarazi]

002 with mixen <3

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when i started shipping it: okay so i went deep into my archives and i found my first mixen gifset, here, from october 26, 2016. it is then followed by this gifset from october 28, 2016, a complete stroke of genius i’d forgotten about. and HERE is the first post i made about them while watching legends, also from october 28th, 2016. i’m assuming that the clip of her trying to kill him was released as a preview which is why the gifset predates the text post. so then in november 2016 is good it’s not really ramped up yet and then we get the chicago way and that, in a lot of ways, changed my life? for the better? unclear. am i being sarcastic? also unclear. there’s just so much about it that did me in. first the “i’m clyde that’s bonnie” because s3 of dusk had JUST ended and that was a RAW fucking nerve. just the exact shit i was looking for. the scene where mick puts his finger to his lips while looking at amaya’s mouth and you just know he’s internally like i am... going to hell. i am GOING to hell. amaya kissing him on the CHEEK? [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] and the real piece de resistance was len descending from the ceiling shrieking in gay rage like. that’s what really solidified mick’s relationship with amaya to me: he was willing to defend her to literally, literally his husband. he says amaya is his ONLY friend because leonard is GONE, implying that amaya is len’s EQUAL in mick’s eyes. mick is a complex character and he’s actually very sensitive but when we had him in season 1, he came as a packaged set with len. and he grew and formed new relationships and listen we all know i can and will ship mick with anyone dominic purcell this is a threat but amaya is, in canon, not just implied by dominic’s choices for the character, the time where mick is declaring his affection for someone out loud. and i also want to reflect on like. leonard, be he real or be he a figment of mick’s mind, despite being WILDLY jealous of amaya, had one goal in that episode: to keep mick alive. like mick was so reckless in season two and with amaya he seems to finally almost want to... pull back? he tells leonard “i’ll be dead like you” which says he isn’t objecting to the idea of being dead, but that amaya is giving him something that makes life exciting, and he’d rather have that than fall into his old self-preservation instincts. you can MARK that mick starts trying to die less after the chicago way until len comes back in the world war i episode.  like i guess i started shipping mixen when they became the epitome of “god said love your enemy so i obeyed her and i loved myself” are you HAPPY? is this what you WANTED? 

-

my thoughts: you accidentally had a baby with him. i am the reason he is able to feel love. we are not the same

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what makes me happy about them: as much as i’ve focused on amaya’s positive impact on mick i want to emphasize that this is a two way street because mick is someone who taught amaya to embrace herself and what makes her happy. amaya has so much pressure riding on her shoulders and mick is never deterred by it. amaya has always been brilliant beautiful incredible etc but when we first meet her in s2 she is so tightly wound and she is so in the mold of what she thinks she needs to be and what she thinks the legacy of the anansi totem requires of her and when she’s around mick she realizes she can be... amaya. just amaya. like did she say to mick “what would a criminal do” because she was being horny on main? yes. but she also did it because she was genuinely open to learning how he saw the world. like it’s truly incredible that amaya meets mick and in the span of 30 minutes is like actually, mick is the most interesting and enticing person i have ever met and  [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] but actually there are just little things they do even when they don’t like each other that show a certain level of respect- mick tells amaya he’s not an idiot and amaya tells him not to call her “girlie” so amaya actually spends the rest of their relationship uplifting mick’s ideas and his accomplishments and mick POINTEDLY never gives amaya a nickname. the nickname one is especially funny bc i geniunely think she just didn’t like “girlie” and may have been fine with a different nickname but like. the fact that mick remembers to NOT give her a nickname EVER when everyone else gets one? the way he paid attention to amaya and respected what she was saying? the way they could be open with each other? like okay they weren’t canon-canon but a part of me is glad bc. this ship was originally marc’s idea and what is legends s2 if not phil and marc fighting for control of the story like the one ring? if marc had been allowed to make them romantic i fear he would’ve done his normal bullshit that he does with his couples where basically mick never changes in a positive way and keeps chipping away at parts of amaya until she feels like she is at “his level” and then he essentially takes over the rest of the parts of her life he hadn’t already taken control of and just, disgusting. like let me be clear on mick rory’s worst day he is still a better person than oliver queen on his best day i don’t care if he’s roasting people alive he is STILL a better person. but with that relationship choice being taken out of marc’s hands, we instead get a relationship where amaya offers mick the starting blocks to build himself UP, and he takes them and is able to keep building himself even without fully relying on her. when he tells her in season 3 “we’ve all done things we’re not proud of” and she just brightens so immediately, and the same thing happens in the pirate episode - and he is able to do these things for her because he let her help him, but did not make her his only lifeline. the person mick is in s3 onward is a person he feels better about being because amaya has always seen good in him and like. not to be dramatic but i am literally, literally crumbling into ash as we speak

-

what makes me sad about them: FROM SEASON 4 ONWARD SHE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE AND MICK IS JUST LEFT WITH ALL THE FUCKING EMOTIONS SHE MADE HIM FEEL AND THE WAYS SHE HELPED HIM AND ALL HE CAN DO IS TRY TO KEEP HER ALIVE, IN HIS MIND AT LEAST, BY HELPING PEOPLE (CHARLIE AND MONA) THE WAY AMAYA HELPED HIM. 

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things done in fanfic that annoys me: i have no issue with mixen being in fic with OTHER ships but to my fucking detriment it always seems to be a secondary pairing in captain canary fics and like 1. hate crime 2. mick is a bisexual he can have a husband and a wife he can have them at the same time he can have them at separate times but if you’re writing capcan i’m assuming you have a heterosexual agenda and i want that kept away from ships i like at ALL times

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things I look for in fanfic: a genuine understanding of mick’s character. he can be kind of tricky to strike a balance with but you can just tell when he’s being written too aggressively or when he’s being written just as too much of a bastard or a former criminal and like, i also look for amaya not being helpless and emotional bc quite frankly mick is way more expressive emotionally than amaya and it is so vital that this is understood. also if it’s sad i like to read it and then cry myself to sleep

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who i’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: OKAY FINE nate for either. nate for both! final ot3 of nate/amaya/mick is good, pure, canon supported, and legally required. but also amaya with zari 1.0 and mick with ray or, honestly? zari 2.0. DON’T @ ME

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My happily ever after for them: they just get to like. live life together. mick takes in ese as one of his own and amaya does the same for lita and they have a 3rd child together that’s in the bible look it up but like. not giving up the time traveling life and the heroics and the adventures fully but being a family even when their kids grow up and they can be old together even if it’s them popping on and off the waverider sometimes together sometimes they do their own thing always put the kids first and sure mick has 22 wonderful years on amaya but he’s on a timeship he can wait for her to catch up so they can get old-old together. also nate is there romantically, sexually, raising the children, let’s have mick and nate make a fourth child, this is absolutely non-negotiable

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who is the big spoon/little spoon: amaya is AGGRESSIVELY the little spoon. like flinging herself into mick’s arms and like HOLD ME and mick just reflexively wrapping his arms around her bc she small. sof. smells nice. pretty

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what is their favorite non-sexual activity: amaya like why be having not-sex when you could be having sex? and mick like i don’t know. sleeping? photography? long drives? (it’s long drives & going to museums don’t @ me)

[glorious-spoon]

When the Seasons Stop [Leverage/The Old Guard]

Title: When the Seasons Stop Fandom: Leverage; The Old Guard Pairings: Gen-ish or pre-relationship Eliot/Hardison/Parker Warnings: Temporary character death, canon-typical violence Other tags: Hurt/comfort, immortality Summary: Eliot Spencer damn well knew better than to get this close to a couple of mortals. But he never expected this.

*

There’s nothing new about the bullet punching through Eliot’s lung, nicking an artery and shattering a rib on its way out. He can feel the world start to squeeze and fold in a familiar way, but that’s not what worries him. What worries him is the gasping quality of Parker’s voice over the comms, the shaky way she said he’s all smashed up inside and the trail of blood zig-zagging out to the van.

Sophie’s hands grasp at him, pulling him in. Her eyes are huge and dark with tears, and Eliot can’t get the lung capacity to reassure her. Isn’t sure there’s anything worth reassuring at all when blood is soaking into the floor (Hardison will be so mad, he thinks stupidly, but it’s Hardison’s blood, his and Parker’s, and they’re sprawled there like broken toys as the van peels away into the street. There are sirens. Nate is swearing fluently and foully in the front as Sophie heaves herself through to drop into the seat beside him).

None of it fucking matters. Eliot’s vision is starting to tunnel, but he can still see Hardison gasping with blood on his lips.

“Did Eliot make it out?”

“Age of the geek, brother,” Eliot rasps, grasping for him, fumbling, fingers slick with blood. Hardison’s long fingers twitch weakly when he grips them. On his other side, Parker’s cold hand slips into his. She’s tilted back against the wall, her shirt stained with dark blood, soaking through to pool beneath her, and she’s already so cold.

She’s bleeding out, Eliot thinks vaguely, but his body is too leaden and heavy to do anything about it. His thoughts fragment into the thickening darkness, and the last thing he remembers is hoping against desperate hope that this time, this time, he won’t wake up to see the aftermath.

*

He comes to choking in silty water, flailing, splashing. Sinks into the dark and maybe drowns a second time before he finally surfaces. His head hits metal, and he gasps in the small pocket of air beneath it, his mind becoming aware bit by horrible bit. He’s died in a lot of bad ways since he took a bullet to the heart in the winter of 1861 and woke hours later face-down and stripped of his guns and boots in the cold Nebraska mud. But this one might just be the worst of them.

It’s too dark to see, but he fumbles until his hands close over a bony wrist, cloth and cold skin. Hardison’s, by the size. And there’s Parker floating to his left, her hair spreading out in the water and tangling around his wrist when he pulls her to him, puts a hand under her nose like he really thinks he’ll feel breathing.

Like there’s more than half a dozen people in the world who could wake up from this.

“Parker,” he rasps. His throat feels raw, and he tells himself that it’s the leftovers from breathing in river water. “Parker. Hardison. Come on. Come on.”

There’s no response. They’re cold and limp, floating lifelessly in the icy water, and Eliot can’t pretend that the heat welling up in his eyes is anything other than tears.

“Come on,” he rasps again. “Come on, Parker. Damn it, Hardison, wake up.”

There’s nothing. Just bodies, just Parker’s hair tangled around his fingers and Hardison’s expressive hands gone terribly still. Eliot drives his fist into the side of the van and feels his knuckles break and heal in an instant, and then he ducks beneath the water to check for the front of the van.

It’s empty, and he hopes with a dull, flickering sort of hope that Nate and Sophie at least got out alive. Then he goes back to pull the floating corpses of his dearest friends out through the shattered window, one after another. He loops his arms around them like this is a rescue instead of a recovery and kicks until his head breaks the swift surface of the river.

The water is deep and fast here, and it’s not easy to keep his head above it without letting go of either of his burdens, which he damn well is not going to do. He manages, at the very least, not to drown again before his feet finally find the soft mud in the shallows.

He pulls them both to the shore, scrabbling in the silty mud until they’re above the water line, and then he sinks to the ground and puts his head in his hands. Tries to breathe. Tries not to breathe, maybe, since that’s never been his problem. It doesn’t work, either way. His chest hurts like he can still feel the lingering ache of that bullet from a hundred and fifty-some years ago, but he knows it’s not that. Knows that it’s nothing more than simple grief.

He knows better, is the thing. He knows better than to get too attached. He always knew that his life would encompass both Parker’s and Hardison’s by years, centuries (millennia, if Andy is to be believed, and Eliot believes her because he’s never met another person so fucking tired of it all), but he just. He thought he’d have more time. He thought he’d get to dance at their wedding. He thought he’d get to watch Parker take over the reins from Nate and make Leverage into something lasting and real; he thought he’d get to watch Hardison going on about new computer shit for decades to come, going gray and bent and still leaning over his screens with that brilliant joy. He thought he’d get to welcome their children and watch them grow.

He thought that maybe, someday, he’d trust them both with his secret.

He thought he had more fucking time.

Something shifts to his left. Eliot lifts his head listlessly. If it’s cops, he’ll go into custody quietly. If it’s someone looking for trouble, maybe he’ll just let them kill him. Either way, he doesn’t have it in him right now to fight.

It’s neither of those things, though. Instead, Hardison’s body seizes, jerks, and then heaves upright like it’s spring-loaded. He’s hacking and coughing, vomiting murky water, his eyes so wide and wild that Eliot can see the whites all the way around. His hands dig into the mud, then lift to claw at his grimy, bloody shirt.

Cloth parts. Beneath it is bare skin, smooth and completely undamaged. No sign of the shattered bone and pulpy bruising that should be there. Hardison pats at himself frantically and finally lifts his head to meet Eliot’s eyes.

“Eliot,” he says, weak and rasping. “We—I thought—”

“Hardison,” Eliot breathes, and for a wild instant he has no idea what to think. Hardison was dead, he was dead, Eliot’s seen more dead bodies than he can count and he knows what they look like. What they feel like. Hardison was dead. Which means...

“Parker,” Hardison gasps, and then, “Parker, where’s Parker,” and before Eliot can even think to speak there’s gasping on the other side of him and Parker’s thready voice saying first Hardison’s name and then Eliot’s.

Eliot drops his head into his hands and laughs until he cries.

*

It takes a while to explain it. Or, to be more accurate: it takes a while to get to the closest safehouse that they can be reasonably sure isn’t compromised, which turns out to be one of Parker’s warehouses. She’s got A/C set up somehow, and clothes for both of them—Eliot recognizes the t-shirt she tosses him as one that went missing in the move to Portland all those months ago—and has even rigged up something that could generously be termed shower facilities.

“I thought you didn’t keep any of these anymore,” Hardison mumbles as she steers him to the sprayer that’s zip-tied to a pipe over a wide, shallow trough. The whole thing is brutally utilitarian in a very Parker kind of way.

“You never know when you might need to go to ground. Always be prepared.”

A ragged laugh escapes Hardison’s lips. “Boy Scouts. Cool, cool.”

Parker is busy unbuttoning his shirt; she pulls that off and starts on his pants. Hardison doesn’t squawk any objections about his modesty, which just goes to show how deeply shaken he is; Eliot turns away anyway as both their clothes hit the floor and the water sputters on. He can wait his turn. He once hiked thirty miles on the trail of horse thieves with the remnants of his own guts decorating his clothes; this isn’t even close to the most disgusting he’s ever been.

“Eliot,” Parker says firmly, and he lifts his head. They’re both naked, and he can’t quite stop himself from staring at all that smooth undamaged skin laid bare. Parker’s right shoulder is caked with blood that’s washed her entire side with red, but there’s no bullet-hole now. Beside her, Hardison is steady on his feet, standing easily on a leg that was shattered an hour ago.

They’re both alive.

Eliot blinks, then jerks his head to the side a moment too late. “Go ahead. I can wait.”

“Or you could just come here,” Hardison says, with a raw edge of humor. “You look like a drowned rat.”

“Thanks a lot,” Eliot huffs. He considers trying to argue, then finds abruptly that he doesn’t have the energy. He kicks off his boots and starts pulling his clothes off, leaving them in a stinking bloody heap on the floor. Parker and Hardison both watch him in a way that makes him feel weirdly exposed. It’s not prurient, not really. He has a feeling that they’re looking at his naked body the same way he was just looking at theirs. Cataloguing the injuries that should be there, and aren’t.

Drawing some conclusions, maybe, about all of the beatings that he’s walked away from without a limp in the time they’ve known each other.

“You got some explaining to do,” Hardison says, almost apologetically, as he draws Eliot into the tub with them. He keeps a firm grip on Eliot’s elbow like he’s expecting him to bolt, which to be fair isn’t completely outside the realm of possibility. Eliot has imagined stepping into a shower with the two of them more times than he can count, but this particular scenario never featured in his daydreams.

“Yeah,” Eliot admits, closing his eyes. The spray washes over him, rinsing away the blood and river mud, but the panic—that terrible bleak echo of grief—that lingers. “I will. I promise.”

*

While Parker and Hardison are getting dressed, he takes one of Parker’s burner phones and goes out behind the building to call Andy.

“I have the new ones,” he says without preamble when she picks up. He knows that she knows what he’s talking about. They’ll have dreamed this, the four of them.

There’s a long pause, and then Andy says, “Good. We’re in Afghanistan. Do you need us there?”

He can hear voices in the distance. It’s impossible to make out the words over the shitty international connection, but even so he recognizes Joe’s laughing cadence. He’s heckling someone; Booker, probably. Nicky has to be there too.

Eliot misses them all so much that it aches. He squeezes his eyes shut. “Nah. I can take care of it.”

“You know them,” Andy says. “Don’t you.”

It’s not really a question.

“Yeah,” Eliot says on a breath of laughter, all the same. “Yeah, you sure could say that.”

There’s a hell of a lot that Andy could say in response, especially after the way everything went down with Eliot and Moreau ten years back, but all she does say, after a slight pause, is, “Well, good. That’ll make it simpler. You can explain about the dreams, but we’ll be in the States by the end of the week.”

Eliot laughs again, more genuinely. “Yeah, okay. It’s— It’ll be good to see you all. I miss you.”

“We miss you too,” Andy says, very gently, and ends the call before Eliot has to find a way to do it.

*

When he gets back inside, Parker and Hardison are dressed and sitting at the folding table. Both of them lift their heads as he approaches.

“Where’d you go?” Hardison asks.

“Had to call a friend.” Eliot makes a face. The time for prevarication is over, but that doesn’t mean he has a damn clue how to explain this. Until right now, he’s been the baby of the gang. “Andy, her name is Andy. She’s another one. Like us.”

“Like us, like us, okay,” Hardison says. “What—what does that mean, exactly? We—you got shot. Parker got shot. I had a broken leg. We all—” He shakes his head. “What happened?”

Eliot takes a breath, opens his mouth, closes it again. Finally, bluntly, he says, “You died. We all did.”

“Cut the bullshit,” Hardison says. There’s an uncharacteristic snap to his voice. He sounds genuinely angry for the first time. Scared, too. He sounds scared. Eliot wishes like hell there was anything at all he could do to fix that, but all he has to offer is the truth.

He sighs and says, to Parker, “You got a knife?”

She reaches back without breaking her eerily intent gaze to scoop a switchblade off the table and toss it to him. Eliot plucks it out of the air and opens it, then takes a deep breath, spreads his left hand out, and drives the blade into it until the point emerges from his palm. Blood dribbles onto the floor; Hardison jolts forward with a horrified noise.

Parker is still just watching him, cool-eyed and assessing. He pulls the blade out and holds up his hand so that they can watch the hole he just made heal in seconds.

“Oh shit,” Hardison says faintly. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

Parker stares at him a moment longer, then holds out her hand. “Can I do that?”

“It’ll still hurt,” Eliot warns her, but he hands the knife back. She cleans it carelessly on a shop rag, then tests the edge of it thoughtfully.

Hardison rubs a hand over his mouth, then says, carefully, “Babe, please don’t stab yourself. I can’t watch that twice in a row.”

“It would heal, though.” She looks up and fixes Eliot with a burning look. “Right?”

Eliot sighs. “Right.”

She nods slowly. “That wasn’t the first time you died. Was it.”

“Not by a long shot.”

Hardison looks up at that, eyes narrowed. “When was the first time?”

“1861,” Eliot sighs. “I was guarding a mail coach in the Nebraska Territory, and we were attacked, and...”

“Eighteen—eighteen sixty-one. Okay.”

“Sorry.”

“For being old as balls?”

It startles a laugh out of him. “Yeah, I guess.”

“And there’s more of you.” Hardison pauses. “Of us.”

“Yeah. Four—” He pauses, winces. Thinks of Quynh, drowning and drowning under the ocean. Her deaths have been in his dreams for well over a hundred years. She’s been a constant companion, even if he’s never met her and probably never will. “Five more.”

“Are they older than you, or younger?”

“Older. Lots older.”

“So what you’re saying, basically,” Hardison says, “is that we’re immortal.”

“Yeah,” Eliot says dryly, “that was the general gist of it.”

Parker is starting to smile, wild in a way that’s almost inhuman. “Oh, I’m going to jump off the Sears Tower without a harness.”

“Babe,” Hardison says again, but he sounds distracted as he pulls a tablet toward him.

“You’ll still die,” Eliot tells her.

“Yeah,” she says dismissively, “but I’ll come back. Right?”

“Please don’t jump off the Sears Tower,” Hardison says absently. He chews on his lower lip as he does something on the tablet, shifting lights on the screen reflecting in his eyes. “Okay. Good news, Nate and Sophie are okay. Bad news, Sophie is in the hospital and Nate’s been taken into custody in Highpoint Tower.” He looks up and meets Eliot’s eyes, expression challenging. “We need to get him out.”

Eliot nods, relieved. “Yeah. We do.”

Hardison nods too. He looks a little easier now—with a task at hand, with proof that the others are still alive, with the knowledge that he’s still him, Eliot doesn’t know. “Okay. That’s what we’ll do. And when we’re done we’re gonna come back here and you’re gonna answer all of our questions. Right?”

Eliot considers that moment on the river bank when he thought they both were dead. He considers the interrogation Hardison is going to subject him to, and the batshit insane stunts that Parker is going to pull, and he feels himself smiling, broad and helpless. “Anything you want.”

[isthemicon]

Writers really did Blair dirty in s5

*super long post because I’m angry as hell*

There was a time when I thought that season 5 is overhated. I’ve been telling myself that sure, Blair is acting unlike herself but that’s because this season is looking at her from more psychological angle and it’s looking at her character more deeply.

But then I’ve rewatched it and I’ve realized that they’ve ruined Blair completely. The depth that I was seeing is in maybe 3-4 episode and is often overshadowed by other things. And usually the deep moments are happening through other characters.

Blair in s5 is barley her own person, she does nothing that isn’t related to her relationships, she isn’t working on her status, position, career. Her whole character arc is regressed to her trying to figure out which guy should she choose or how to make the relationship she is in work.

I mean come on even Nate and Serena have bigger stories and actually do things outside their relationships.

Blair barley ever even makes her own decisions, someone else makes them for her or has to push her to make them.

In other seasons her love life is a big part of her story but in the same time she is doing something else as well.

In s1 she is trying to build her position in school, in s2 she is fighting for Yale and her position in school, in s3 she is trying to figure out her life at NYU and trying to build her position outside high school, in s4 she is going to Columbia and trying to start a career, even in s6 despite its ridicules soap opera like plot she is building her career.

And in s5? Let me tell you what Blair does in each episode of season 5

Recap of all of the episodes

05x01 Blair returns from Monaco, and the whole episode we see her trying to be able to plan the wedding. Wait is pregnant? No it’s Dorota, joking Blair is pregnant too

05x02 Blair is trying to hide her pregnancy from the royal family, while Beatrice and Dan are snooping. That’s all.

05x03 Blair is trying to figure out who is the father. Of course she can’t makw the decision on her own so Dan needs to force her to do it because of course she can’t do it on her own (still very nice friendship moment). I like ending of this episode, it’s deep and sad and emotional. And tells a lot about her mental state and what is going inside of her.

05x04 Blair is trying to convince Louis that Dan’s book is just a fiction, she is angry because the book threatened her relationship, not becuse it affected her career like in Serena’s case, not because she didn’t like the way she was portrayed like Nate and Rufus, it just that it made her fiancé doubt.

05x05 Blair and Louis tell their family about the pregnancy. Eleanor is unhappy (the only one that has a normal reaction) but then they have a beautiful mother and daughter moment but it’s a moment of Eleanor’s depth not Blair’s. Oh and also Blair is pawn in the battle called “where should they live? Which grandma will have more to say?”

05x06 Blair is trying to choose her bridesmaids (entertaining episode and shows her power, still resolves around her relationship). Probably one of the the very few were she is actually doing something.

05x07 Blair is trying to provoke Chuck to show that he hadn’t really changed. And Chuck and Dorota have to form a plan to make sure she believes he didn’t because she will be more comfortable with her relationship with Louis, again it’s not Blair making the decision someone else has to make it for her.

05x08 Blair has a bridal shower. The trouble is Serena is making it seem it’s not like Blair would like it so she is sad, but no it was a lie she has a perfect suprise party, oh and Louis is a jerk and wants to make her believe her friends aren’t her friends. She takes a break from Louis (good for you girl)

05x09 Blair is following Chuck because he had changed and she wants her fiancé to change as well. One of the lowest moments, Blair is absolutely heartless and selfish in her plan. (A very deep scene in the end but it’s coming from Chuck and just happening to Blair)

05x10 This episode I like it’s actually very deep. We are exploring her fear of being alone and her trying to figure out what’s the best thing to do. If she should listen to her heart and choose Chuck or if she should listen to reason and stay with Louis. We see Dan understanding her and trying to help her. That’s a real good episode.

05x11 Another deep episode exploring Blair’s trauma after the accident. Not gonna say anything bad about as I actually like it and here I think the focus on her being unable to stand on her own is important. And her losing her real self is actually very undrstandble here.

05x12 Blair has a bachelorette party and everybody is able to outsmart her and out plan her and Blair doesn’t see a thing. She needs others to save her because again she can’t do anything on her own. Oh and Chuck is following her.

05x13 Blair is getting married, this episode has some depth and action but again Blair does nothing on her own, Eleanor, Chuck, Serena, Louis talk to her and she just responds. But in end she wakes up and tries to run away. Finally she make her own decision.

05x14 Blair is running away from her wedding, Dan is helping her, Serena and Chuck are looking for her. But in the end Blair has one big moment when she takes responsibility and decides to stay in the marriage, doesn’t allow Chuck and her mother to buy her out.

05x15 Blair is back in the city for Valentine’s, goes to the party at Chuck’s place forcing him to leave his own party, she is followed by some woman with the most annoying accent. She is trying to play a cupid, Dan kisses her, Serena is mad, Blair is trying to explain it. The end

05x16 Blair is trying to convince Serena there’s nothing going on between her and Dan. She finds out what’s in a book and realizes Dan has feelings for her. So she decides she may want to start the relationship so she kisses Dan in front of Serena as her grandmother is dying. Sure Blair is doing things but that’s all relationship related, she is not even yet divorced and she is already thinking about going into another relationship.

05x17 Blair thinks she maybe able to get out of her marriage and be able to be in a new relationship, turns out no, she goes to Cece’s wake. She finds out about the video,Chuck and Dan fight for her, she tells Chuck she can’t be with him right now, photo of her and Dan gets out, meaning she will need to divorce and pay dowry. But Georgina says she might be able to help her out.

05x18 Blair tries to have sex with Dan and tries to be able enjoy it so she gets drunk. That’s honestly the whole plot of her story in this episode. (The worst episode in the whole show)

05x19 Blair is about to sign divorce paper, refuses to talk to Chuck, Dan is worried about the papers and tells her Chuck paid her dowry she accuses Chuck of trying to buy her, he tells her she was never meant to find out, she is sad because of the fact she will no longer be in the royal family. She doesn’t come to the conclusion that she can be strong without the title, she needs Dan to give her he fake princess moment where she is basically a tourist attraction.

05x20 Blair is trying to organize the party that will launch her and Dan’s relationship. Party is ruined because of the drama of other people. That’s it

05x21 This episode where Blair is actually doing something related to her social status. But she does it by trying to sabotage her boyfriend’s event? Very grown up.

05x22 Now we are getting to episode where she actually does something. She reunites with her friends as they try to figure out the whole Elizabeth and Jack thing. We finally see her do something outside her relationship. Of course at the same time Dan is worried and follows her outside the city. And lies to her about Rome.

05x23 An interesting episode, again Blair is actually doing something but it’s still connected to her love life. Blair is trying to help Chuck but at the same time she should be with Dan taking to the guy from the program. So she is torn. But at least she is scheming and using her talents.

05x24 Blair has to finally choose between Chuck and Dan while her secrets are being published on gossip girl and she tired or stop it. Finally she talks about her future outise love life but it’s Eleanor that starts the conversation.

That’s all she does, every single scene is related to her love life, she has no plans, no aspirations. Until the very last episode we don’t hear her talk about her work related plans and even then she talks about the matter of her heart. In season 5 Blair isn’t her best self, she doesn’t do a thing. Things are happening to her but she isn’t making them happen, she is just responding to them. And they related only to her love life. Gone is the girl that wanted to be a powerful woman, she doesn’t want a thing, even after she got divorced and is with Dan. She doesn’t talk about her plans, the closesest to her talking about future is when she talks about it is when she is wondering is she wants to go with Dan to Rome, on his writing program and when she decides to do it she is planning the trip, on where they will be eating and what will they be seeing. Not even for a moments she thinks about her future, about what she wants to do.

Blair in season 5 is a shell of a character, regressed to the love triangles, she is woman that does nothing outside her love life. So in conclusion, season 5 is the worst when it comes to the way Blair was treated. She is so much more than her love life and in s5 they completely they forgot that. And yes it’s a season of very big growth to her as she is faced with crushing realization that fairytales and movies are not real, that reality is brutal. But that’s not how you do it, multiple characters have a character growth in this season and yet we see them actually do something not just wonder which guy should she choose and not the end waiting for someone else to choose for her.

It’s an emotional season but again thoes emotions and depth are in few episodes and are usually are not really coming from Blair. More often it someone else’s growth and understanding of her that is creating thoes moments.