#and she was just telling me about how its been dying and she doesnt know why and it just made me so sad for some reason

[bunnieswithknives]

sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all

My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.

[lateseptemberdawn]

Ngl bad parents give me such an ick like stay tf away from me ew

[tinylittlebab]

oh how i missed this

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-

Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)

The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.

Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)

He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.

The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-

It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?

He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀

And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.

And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-

He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.

I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.

That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.

It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.

And what makes you feel more alive than love?

Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.

He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.

He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.

Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.

Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.

He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-

Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠

The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.

I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.

Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.

Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher

[vanderbilt-draws]

pleaseee...draw devwinn interacting... plssss

ok sorry it took forever for me to answer i may have gone slightly overboard with the doodles but I REALLY LIKE DEVWINN AND MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE A WHOLE UNWRITTEN FIC ABOUT THEM IN HIGH SCHOOL AND LIKE 7 MILLION HCS ABOUT HOW THEY MET AND THEIR FUTURES AND UHH UHH hcs/all the stuff leading up to my unwritten fic are all below the cut if youre interested ✨✨

winn moved to dimmadelphia in the fourth grade

pretty much instantly dev "befriended" them and started being really clingy with them. he had a MASSIVE crush on them right from the start

winn wasnt actually all that big a fan of dev at first because yk he was mean to most of the other kids, but they didnt want to hurt his feelings so kind of went along with him

(side note i hc that dev has literally been wearing pretty much the same outfit since forever. hes so autism)

dev and winn only got to being real friends once hazel and dev became friends (bc yk shes got the balls to actually tell dev when hes doing something mean, so thats rlly when dev started improving as a person)

winn and dev had the same homeroom in sixth grade and ended up sitting right next to each other, which was when they really started becoming a Duo

winn broke their arm in a skating accident during the winter break of their sixth grade year, dev was the first one they got to sign the cast :] winn never stopped skating but they did do it a lot less + more carefully after that (by order of their parents)

dev started growing his hair into a mullet in the seventh grade because he "thought it looked cool" (<< started noticing his gender dysphoria and wanted longer hair in an attempt to quell it)

winn thought they were bi for all of seventh grade and most of eighth grade bc they had a crush on dev

SPOILER ALERT dev is a trans girl, she comes out in the eighth grade and her chosen name is devine. she still goes by dev but all her friends know what its short for

dev doesnt want to come out to her dad bc she doesnt know how hell react. (tbh if she did come out, her dad would be super supportive and good with prns and names and terms in public, but slip up a ton in private bc he doesnt care as much when people arent watching)

obv winn told jasmine and hazel about their crush right when it started developing, so it became kind of an inside joke between the three that winn has "transbian senses" after dev came out

just before ninth grade, winn decided to get a buzzcut, and theyve been growing it out ever since (this is mostly bc as much as i love dyed hair undercut enby/trans characters THERES TOO MANY PLEASE CHOOSE A DIFFERENT HAIRSTYLE FOR YOUR FICTIONAL TRANSES AND ENBIES SOBBING)

they bleached it blonde when it was about two inches long, and never bothered to cut off the blonde so now they just have blonde tips

winn ended up being 6'5" and joined varsity basketball in the tenth grade because they didnt wanna waste that height

dev stole their original varsity jacket because it was comfy (and because it was winns and it brings her comfort) and then paid for their replacement jacket

jasmine started learning how to sew and embroider clothes over the summer between ninth and tenth grade and so helped devine sew on her own name tag (dev just told her dad jasmine was a bad speller and tbh dale didnt care and was like ok son whatever)

dev ended up stuck at the spectacular height of a middle schooler (5'2") and winn thinks its adorable. theyre strong enough to pick her up whenever they hug her. sometimes when they get excited they spin her around

dev also started wearing her hair curly occasionally in the tenth grade bc winn told her she looked pretty with it like that. her dad doesnt like it when she doesnt slick it back and gets passive aggressive about it whenever he sees her like that

winn started getting panic attacks from all the pressure of high school after joining the basketball team, and dev usually ends up talking them through it, although jasmine and hazel are also good at helping them

they dont think their anxiety is bad enough to be a disorder so they never get a diagnosis/help (until Things Happen in my fic :]]] )

hazel and jasmine are both aroace (in this timeline at least, ive got a few other fic ideas where hazel is bi) and in a qpr. they are also fandom girlies and fic writers, so when dev finally tells them in the middle of tenth grade that she has a crush on winn (and has for a while) theyre both like OOOOOOOHHHHHH I SHIP IT and they, along with cosmo and wanda, start trying really hard to get them together

unfortunately hazmine and coswan have literally no idea how human teenage romance works irl SO. shenanigans ensue :]]]]]]]

anyways yeah thats my buildup to my fic/my personal hcs, no peri mention because hes ✨elsewhere✨ when all this is happening

[lyss-sketchbox]

Have you played through Natlan a little bit yet? Because I love it except for one thing. Does the Archon quest feel...off to you? At least the first act. Specifically the character introductions and character acting?

Funny thing actually i JUST finished it last night!

Well uh spoilers ahead

I think its... alright-ish? Act 1 basically sets you up with the basics, the characters, the culture, the traditions, and lore so we know whats up. Cool. We are literally being fed information because we are tourists and i can excuse that.

Idk how to feel about traveller and paimon literally going 'ah look, an opportunity has arised, its time to do our thing and help with this major event'. I mean yes thats how its always been but mentioning it doesnt... help... it just points out a flaw.

The characters are fine enough imo. I really expected Mualani to have this super hyper attitude and squeaky voice we usually get from an 'everyone loves me' character but shes suprisingly mellow and i appreciate that alot. (May change with Citlali though and im not looking forward to it)

I do not like how it is very Tell not Show. Because you know what keeps being shown? The fact that Kachina is A CHILD. Maybe she's not an actual child who knows but hyv is clearly infantilizing her. Case in point:

The chief of the tribe literally asked you for ID because you are strangers hanging out around her. He literally said 'a good feeling isnt gonna be enough for your parents to trust these people'

After the chief knew who the traveller is, he said he could trust Kachina to go to the Stadium to sign up and not get into trouble. She HAS to participate because she has an Ancient Name and you can barely trust her to go to the stadium???

Kachina mentioning how she can't keep excusing her age for being a bad warrior. So she KNOWS shes young and either she or other people in the past has excused her for her performance because of her age.

The genuine actual side by side of her first match up. You know a child vs a massive buff man. Maybe it's just me but her kit is clearly not made to DPS and hyv making us fight these opponents with only her kinda makes it feel so much like a drag.

Everyone around her keeps saying oh shes actually really good, she almost made it last time, shes super powerful just lacking confidence. Well we dont really... see it. When the tournament started and we play as mualani and kachina all i can think about it 'yeah mualani is gonna do all the fighting here' and it adds to the idea that kachina literally did the bare minimum. But then suddenly we get a really cool cutscene of her defeating a 3 times winning veteran. It is not believable to me.

Also now that she's won we are literally sending her off to fight the abyss where she has a REAL CHANCE OF DYING but we gotta be ok with it because she can get resurrected? Are we not supposed to be concerned that we are sending a child to war with a real chance of her dying?

It is such a tonal shock and the traveller or paimon barely says anything about it so WE are supposed to be fine with it too? It probably is culture shock but like... SOME people still sees Clorinde as a killer despite doing her job as a duelist, how do you think those people will think seeing THIS tradition.

As for the bit where we go with mualani while we wait for kachina to come back from war, it was... alright i think. But the manufactured 'chillness' is there, like you can tell theyre trying their hardest to potray this tribe as the chill surfers one. Its also obvious they want us to like Atea. While she looks a lil overbearing i appreciate that they were being subtle about her 'my life isnt gonna last long so i am doing this dangerous task', they had to explain it anyway for mualani but i think them not stating out right at first that 'woah you werent going here because you can use the hotsprings again!' is a good choice, that is a good show not tell i think.

For now though the entire thing simply feels off because i feel like there's no stake at all for us. If kachina loses? Then she doesn't get sent to the war, thats kind of a good thing seeing how she did ended up 'dying'. We've met the archon but for some reason hasn't asked about our siblings or anything and the only reason we are staying is because its the right thing to do. Thats it. I think it's just... alot offered to us but none with actual value to the traveller personally.

While you can argue that fontaine is exactly like that, that we only stayed to help lyney with his trial and everything else because its the right thing to do. Lyney is fatui. Neuvillette is a dragon. And furina is an absent archon. Theres an air of mystery around how fontaine works and these people have MASSIVE connections. You almost want to stay to see how it'll turn up, what information will show up.

Natlan on the other hand revealed basically everything to us in the first 2 acts. Natlan gets abyss attacks because they dont have strong leyline connections. The fatui wants the gnosis and literally will just fight the archon for it. The archon is chill and kind and is the reincarnation of the original archon because we were told that. The facking traitor from night-wind is obviously the Ororon guy lmao. So what IS left to speculate? To look out for?

Like wow she's gonna carve us an Ancient Name? Why lmao. What for? We can purify the abyss we are not dying in the Night Kingdom.

Shrugs idk feel free to fight me on this. I am just a lil jaded because i literally cannot take the archon seriously when shes literally just called 'Archon' with no special title or anything

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[stevie-petey]

hiiiiiiiii honey <3 could we get a blurb about bug telling steve about jonathan’s outburst towards her after he took the pictures of nancy and steve’s reaction to learning about it???? it would be so so appreciated by me <3 you’re the best ever <3 MWAH

(i am being held against my will to write this jonathan sweetie im so sorry) (i love u val) (u are evil)

i know this isnt necessarily what u MEANT but ,,, ive been dying to expand upon bugs kindness and how it may seem annoying and pathetic, but its hers ! its her kindness !!!

enjoy <3

"no way you guys havent wanted to strangle each other at least once." steve remarks one day as he watches you and jonathan work side by side at the cash register.

jonathan had been bored today and decided to join you and steve at work, something that you're very happy about, honestly.

"oh, ive definitely wanted to strangle jonathan," you say, writing down a new shipment receipt while the boy next to you doodles.

steve rolls his eyes. "old married couple squabbling doesnt count. im talking, like, full on betrayal and hurt here. you guys are always so... you, and it has to be an act."

jonathan snorts. "shouldve seen the fights we had last year. surprised y/n didnt kill me with her bare hands."

"i dont believe you."

"no, hes right." you look up at steve. "he threw a jacket at my face last year and then told me we werent family the night he took those pictures of nancy. then cried in my arms like a day later."

steve stares at you, shocked.

"i also then slept in nancys bed and lied about it. and tried leaving you behind a few times."

"that you did," you flick jonathans ear, causing him to wince in pain. "you deserved that."

"i did."

during this entire exchange, steve hasnt said a single word. hes still stunned, baffled by the fact that jonathan could be so cruel to someone so wonderful.

"wait a second," he looks between you and jonathan. "and youre still friends?"

"yeah." you both say at the same time.

steve cant fucking believe it. you do anything and everything for jonathan, that much is obvious, and sure. steve has seen jonathan do small acts of kindness towards you, devote the same back, but to throw a jacket at you and belittle you? and now here he is, joking about it alongside you. as if it was all okay in the end.

"youre too nice sometimes, y/n." the words leave steves lips before he can stop them. once he realizes what hes said, he looks up at jonathan and panics. "sorry, man. im sure you guys talked it out and... yeah."

jonathan shrugs. "no, youre right. she is and i was dick."

"im right here, you know."

steve winces. "sorry."

"its fine, honestly." you go back to scribbling shipment orders. "i am indeed too nice, but i dont ever really see the point in holding a grudge? i mean, jonathan apologized and i understood the stress he was under. sure, it didnt erase all the hurt he caused, but after almost dying immediately after being mad at him for not including me in something... i dont know. it felt silly to hold onto that anger after. childish, even."

jonathan and steve share a look, for once both seeming to think the same thing.

shes too good.

you hate that they do this. you hate that people view your kindness as a weakness. after the hell youve been through, long before monsters even came to hawkins, youve learned the hard way just how rare kindness is.

now you try to be kind to everything and everyone, no matter what it may cost you.

the kindness is yours, no one elses.

and if that makes you weak, then at least it made you better.

you tear two pieces paper from your notebook, scrunch them up into balls, and then throw them at steve and jonathan. "stop pitying me. im kind and i love that aspect of myself. i dont care if it makes me vulnerable or pathetic. its a piece of me, and i wouldnt change it. if you dont like it, then that belittles me even more than emotional outbursts ever could."

jonathan sighs. "youre right, bug. youre a very kind and lovely person and its what makes you a joy to be around, paper balls and all."

steve plays along. "definitely a better super power than spider-man, dare i say."

"okay, lets not get ahead of ourselves now," you giggle, appreciative of both the boys. they may not understand or like the way you view the world, but theyre at least trying.

its all you could ask for.

even if steve later on that day pulls you aside to whisper, "i think i can kick jonathans ass this time, if you ever need it."

and its enough.

[ranposgirlboss]

~late night car drives with bsd charas~

this is an idea i got while listening to depressing vocaliod songs, SO HERE WE ARE!!! these are just some hc i have about how it would go, some charas are COMPLETELY platonic!! (this is mostly platonic in the 1st place tbh) this is my first time writing on this app, and i haven't written anything online in a few years, so if the formatting is weird, PLEASE TELL ME IDK WHAT IM DOIMNHG

chara list: dazai, chuuya, poe, ranpo, and yosano

GENRE: fluff fluff fluff and sillies

enjoy!!

-----------------------------

DAZAI

-HESSS DEEEEEFFF THE TYPE TO BRING YOU ON LATE-NIGHT DRIVES!!!!!

-he would probably be going to some weird ass convenience store with you at ungodly hours in the morning 💀

-HE EITHER SINGS THE MOST DEPRESSING SONGS OR THE MOST UPBEAT SILLY SONGS THERE IS LITERALLY NO IN BETWEEN

-i feel like he would mess with you and fucking drift the car when yall turn

-lets just say you get close to dying more then once 😁

-one time when yall tried to sneak out, kunikida caught yalls asses (your ears still hurt to this day from the mouthing off you got from kunikida)

-all in all, VERY FUN TO GO OUT WITH!!! WOULD RECOMMEND IF YOU WANT CHAOS!!!! OR IF YOU LIKE ALMOST DYING 10 TIMES IN 30 MINS <3333

CHUUYA

-ok so i know i said late night CAR rides BUT CMON WHO DOESNT WANNA RIDE A COOL ASS MOTORCYCLE WITH CHUUYA!??!?!?/1

-mf has HORRIBLE ROAD RAGE!!!

-i hc that when chuuya gets really pissed and the person is super rude to him, he fucking makes their car float...LIKE FULL ON 😭

-AND THEN HELL MAKE THEM SAY SORRY

-but other then his road rage, its honestly pretty chill

-i know that he has a BANGER playlist, I JUST KNOW IT

-i fell like he'd also play around on the motorcycle a bit, BUT AT LEAST HE WOULDNT NEARLY KILL YOU UNLIKE DAZAI (눈‸눈)

-id say its pretty nice and balanced, with enough calmness to make it enjoyable for the most part, but enough thrill to keep asking him to take you out <33

RANPO

-just gonna let you know right off the bat, his ass is NOT driving 😂

-there is a high chance that he JUST woke up and started banging on your door because he had cravings and well, he ran out of his snacks...so OBVIOUSLY he had to bang on your door, its important!!!

-and even if he was completely awake...he would get yall lost so fast

-so you were driving him

-honestly? its kinda funny to see groggy ranpo walk around and try to grab what snack he wants at the convenience store when he's barely awake

-bro literally drops the bag like 5 times (you picked it up all 5 bc you kinda pitied him rn 😭)

-he basically ends up sleep walking his ass outta there

-the ride is mostly quiet, mainly because ranpo falls asleep on the way back

-imagine if you played heavy metal and woke him up

POE

-HE WOULD DRIVE WITH YOU FREQUENTLY, DUE TO HIM BEING A NIGHT OWL

-these car rides would be so peaceful

-ngl he would probably sometimes take you out just to drive with you (its not like gas is a problem for him anyways 😭)

-HE HAS SUCH A GOOD PLAYLIST OF SONGS TO JUST SIT THERE AND DAYDREAM TO

-doesnt seem like a talker tbh, he might ask you if you want to go anywhere specific, but you guys mostly just listen to music together (he saves the story telling for another time <3)

-I FEEL LIKE HE WOULD MAKE A PLAYLIST THAT LIKE KIND OF HAS A STORY LINE SO IT WOULD BE SO FUN TO DAYDREAM TO THE SONGS CUZ YOU COULD CREATE YOUR OWN STORY TO THEM

-you hold karl in your lap and pet him like you're an evil villain (cannon)

-very calming and relaxing drive <33

YOSANO

-UGH IM SO GAY FOR HER

-ngl she kinda gives dazai vibes, in terms of playlist

-there has been more than one occasion when she just drunk-drove you

-LUCKILY YALL DONT DIE??!?!?!??! HOLY FUCK

-shes a small talker, OR A GOSSIPER WHILE YALL DRIVE

-yall just have so much fun talking about the ada and everything that's going on there <333

-would scream the lyrics to any 2010's throwback song, while having a (hopefully) safe dance party

-very fun to be around, and even though she drunk drives, shes def safer then dazai

-----------------------

THANK YOU FOR READING THIS!!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

PLEASE SEND ME REQS I BEG OF YOU

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for defending my friend lying about his dog dying?

Cw for animal abuse and Is ableist language (using sociopath as synonym for bad person)

I was in a friend group of three. Me (24f) my best friend since age 7 (24m) and we have a mutual friend he met in college when he moved away and has known for a little over a year (23f). Callin' them Liam and Rory for ease. Liam had an Esa (not a service dog, an esa). His whole life has revolved around this dog since we were 16 and he moved away. He keeps a very strict schedule with this dog. We are all aware of it because he will leave group chats mid conversation to make sure "Buddy" gets walked or fed or whatever time it is. He takes really good care of this dog and hand-makes its meals and takes it to the vet every 2 months.

Few weeks ago he was acting weird but trying to cover it up. I had been meaning to ask what was going on more privately but I kinda dropped the ball because my aunt died suddenly.

Flash to a week ago Rory sent a huge wall of text to our group chat calling Liam a barrage of names like "sociopath". It turns out that his dog died but he'd been acting like everything was the same which is why he seemed off. She found out when she came onto his property to check on him and he had to "confess."

Shes upset at him for lying but I knew there was more going on. So I talked to him about it privately over the phone and he just shattered. He had no idea what to do or say because he thinks his dad killed Buddy but he doesn't have direct proof. I had never heard him cry before this, because he was raised to really keep that stuff close to his chest. He's tried to open up to me over the years but it's visibly difficult for him especially with how his father still treats him. I believe him because if he truly wanted to manipulate me I still do not think he would have let me see that. He kept apologizing and sounding really lost and ashamed so I really don't think it was an act, you can't fake that kind of helpless abused kid feeling.

I forgave him for keeping it from me because it was obvious he was going to tell us once he processed the situation because that's a lot to say the least. I explained what happened to Rory and said sure maybe it wasn't 100% in the right but he was obviously expiercing trauma and him acting like everything was fine wasn't about hurting us, and we knew something was wrong but didn't ask, she thinks he's trolling for sympathy and that if I forgive him it tells her everything she needs to know about what kind of person I am. And says if he really thinks he dad killed his dog he would have called the police.

There are several reasons he shouldn't call the police one being that his dad has always treated Laim really badly but we never thought he would kill a dog and my friend has to live with him because he's a broke college student. She said he should have figured that out on his own but instead he manipulated us and is now trying to make us feel bad that he got caught.

I also feel like he was in danger from his dad and if he told us Buddy was gone he'd have to say why and then he'd be lying to us anyway until he figured out what the hell happened or if it was safe to tell us. We don't have enough information so I just don't think it's fair to totally write him off as a bad person over what is obviously and extremely traumatic situation? Without even talking to him? She found out Buddy was dead, left and refused to speak to him before announcing her departure from the group and blocked him on everything and basically made me choose between her or him.

I told her that was a really heartless take and that she's over reacting and she told me if I wanted to be best friends with a sociopath that was none of her buisness but she wanted nothing to do with either us because I'm just as bad as him if I don't agree with her so she doesnt loose anything by cutting me off.

She really made me feel like I was helping Liam hide a body. So I'm wondering if she's right. I don't think I'll change my mind, I won't abandon him but I am willing to admit I was wrong if I am.

Am I the assshole for sticking by him?

What are these acronyms?

[crguang]

Hi, I've been reading your fanfics lately and I've become obsessed with your writing! I'm not good at English so I keep to myself.

I wanted to share my feelings, because I think you should know what a great job you do! Not only did you make me have a different perspective on Kafka, you also made me see character development more clearly! (I also write a lot, and it's one of my difficulties.)

It's incredible how his stories gave me an addictive feeling, something I haven't seen in any other Kafka fanfic! Please keep it up!

In fact, I have ideas in my head about how Kafka would react to R's death? Or what exactly would make her cry? I wonder, and I think your point of view would be quite accurate.

first of all, don’t worry about your english!! it’s great, and it’s not my first language either so i understand the struggle. thank you for your kind words i cant believe my writing has inspired/helped you in any way, im especially happy it changed your mind about Kafka hehe. trust meee i understand how tough characterization is, i focus way too much on the details and it can get pretty frustrating. i take it seriously too, so when something doesn’t go my way or i can’t portray a scene the way i see it in my mind, i lose it a little bit.

ouhhh, kafka and death is a pretty intimate affair in my opinion. she deals with it all the time but we don’t know if she’s experienced it— she sees suffering as something euphoric, fascinating. we know she doesn’t care for her victims because of it, that and the fact that she’s following what she truly believes is destiny. if it was their destiny to die by her hand, why would she mourn? i think it would take a lot to make her cry, she’s very resilient and can withstand a lot + she doesn’t feel fear and there are lots of complex emotions born from it (anxiety, dread, panic) so in my opinion she’s not very attuned to these as well. i’ll expand on the “not feeling fear” thing because its absolutely insane; its a primal instinct that makes us do or not do so many things. it’s connected to so many other emotions— we feel sad because we fear losing people, we feel helpless because we fear not being good enough, etc. kafka wouldn’t be able to understand all of that in a visceral way. we know she worries to an extent (for the trailblazer, for blade) and that also stems from fear but so far, it’s been somewhat superficial. she checks up on them like once and that’s that. here again, following and believing in a scripted future makes it so that she doesnt have much to worry about. it makes me believe that she would often realize things after they’ve happened, like “oh, i don’t like this…”

losing someone she genuinely cares about might paralyze her, at least at first. death doesn’t obsess her because fear is self-preservation and she cant feel that. she is logical though, and knows not to put herself/others in certain dangerous situations. she doesn’t fear her s/o dying, she just knows she doesn’t want it to happen. what she can feel though is sadness, and that only happens during/after the fact. grief is soo complex, that’s why i think it would paralyze her afterwards— she’d feel this immense loss that she hasn’t prepared for, and kafka is rarely caught by surprise. she wouldn’t know what to do and her logic won’t save her; so many things don’t matter when you’re dealing with emotions that feel all-consuming, she knows death is inevitable, so what? she knows this was always a possibility, so what? that doesn’t tell her how to deal with it. she’d go through the motions as usual because life didn’t stop for her but she’d have this constant tightness in her chest like fingers curled around her heart. the tears would find her on a tuesday morning as she’s cleaning her gun or putting on her boots. to me, her feelings have a little lag; she doesn’t feel apprehension much so they would have to hit her afterwards. in my most recent fic im writing about her being a player for laughs but i still make her fall for the reader at the same time they fall for her, she just realizes it way later. this is long as hell im so sorry but to sum up i do think she would cry a lot because she almost never does and her body would need the relief.

im yapping im sorry😭 your question was super interesting and it really got me thinking but let me stop lmfao. i hope i kinda answered it along the way😭

[spookberry]

Hello I hope you are doing well! I wanted to say that I really love your art! Could I ask for more information about Henri and Claire, or just Henri in general? I think they're super cute but additionally, I think Henri is interesting by himself because I feel like I don't know as much about him! How long has he been immortal? How did he become immortal? How did he learn to exorcise? Oh, and I wanted to ask how you feel about fanart of your ocs? I really love Claire's design and I think it would be fun to draw him :)

:D! No one's ever asked me about Henri before! Also to answer your last question I'd love fanart of my OCs 🥺

More on Henri under the cut:

Okay so basically his backstory goes like this: back in the Victorian era there was this couple that was really into the occult. They were fairly nomadic, traveling the states as consultants when people were having supernaturally driven issues. This couple also happened to have a young son, Henri. Henri and his folks were very close and he took after them and their interest in ancient magic A Lot.

When Henri was about 9 his parents died. They left everything to him, but they didn't exactly have a house or anything, just a ton of old books and cursed trinkets. His favorite though was a book that was written entirely in ancient greek. So when he ran away to avoid being shipped off to live with relatives that didnt appreciate his interest in magic too much, that book was one of the things he thought to grab first.

Grief can make a 9 year old orphan do crazy shit, for Henri it became about trying to translate this book. Thats when he discovered problem number 2 with the book: its full of dark magic. Every spell in it is awful and corrupting. There's one unfinisged spell thats meant to banish a demon from their host body. And its like the one spell he can concieve of in this book that isnt just like flat out evil. So he decided to try and finish it.

The book also has a demon summoning ritual in it, so you can guess what he does.

After that he's saddled with Claire a 12 year old girl who is VERY mad it him about getting rid of her demon and demands he help her find him again. (Note: Claire does not realize he's trans yet here)

They try to summon skid back but it just doesnt work, so they gotta do this the old fashioned way.

Takes them months before they finally manage to track skid down again, but during that time the two manage to become friends. Claire opens up a lot about her fear of dying and how she feels she cant enjoy life because of how little time she has left. Henri decides his new goal in life is to heal her so that they can grow up and grow old together. He tells her as much and she gives him this gentle little smile and he internally is like "i would die for her" (he's in love but doesnt know it yet.)

Once Skid is back in and puppeting the body, Henri makes the choice to stick by Skid's side. He needs them to be close for when he finally figures out a way to heal her. And ya know the modern medicine of cough syrup with cocaine and mercury isnt gonna do it so he starts experimenting with magic instead.

He's 15 when he accidentally curses himself. Part of the curse effects his memory, so he doesn't actually know WHAT he did, and he doesn't even realize right away that he isn't aging. All he knows at first is that suddenly dark magics waaaay easier to do so he needs to be careful about that and also one of his eyes is fucked up. So now his secondary motive is also undo his own curse as well as heal Claire. Cuz itd suck if he finally heals Claire but isnt able to age himself, ya know?

Henri's a pretty chill guy and most of the cast view him as skid's 2nd in command and often her voice of reason(though he himself is prone to being impulsive and moody due to the whole technically still being 15 thing). The underlings also all view him as an older brother sort, because he's protective but often "hands off" in how deals with things but also hes just really tall. Lucky him he had his growth spurt before cursing himself to never age.

He tends to have a lot of memory issues, some days are worse than others. On his worst days he doesn't even remember how he met skid, but most days hes just sort of fuzzy and cant quite remember all 200 years he's spent by their side. His vision has also deteriorated with time, he cant see out of his left eye at all and can only make out colors and general shapes out with his left.

Even though he stuck with Skid for Claire's sake, Henri has actually become very close with skid after 200 years. Skid's secretive and doesnt actually like talking about themself honestly but depsite that he knows a lot about them. He knows skid has their own memory issues, and he's aware that Skid's not a full demon. He's heard skid's human name before but forgot it at some point and knows better than to ask about it. He's also very aware that Skid's prone to getting involved in shit which leads to them getting hurt magically and letting Claire run the body for a couple days every other decade. So they still get to see each other. These brief meetings is how Henri realized he was in love with Claire.

Bonus Info: Henri doesn't actually subscribe to modern labels and doesnt really consider himself as being into women or men. He just loves who he loves. (Hes asexual and panromantic)

Fun Fact: i came up with Henri and Skid when I was 12, but every other character in their story, including Claire, formed a slightly later.

^ skid and Henri drawings from when I was 12

[spacedlexi]

Of all the difficult choices in each season of TWDG, What would say are the ones that you struggled with the most for each season?

HMM good question. there are some choices i feel conflicted about when i get to them but these are for the most part the ones that i actively dread having to make (which i like 😏 those are the best choices). there are other choices throughout the series that i feel Bad about, but not necessarily conflicted. like. i Know what my choice is, but i still feel bad about the consequences 😔 these are the ones that i actually mentally find myself battling. i just love the kinds of choices that make me sit on a pause screen for too long when its really Not That Serious

S1: help lilly/help kenny - the circumstances of this choice are what make it hard. literally a ticking time bomb. do you try to save lillys father? even tho hes been nothing but a complete jackass to you AND the group this entire time and put himself in this situation? or do you try to save the group by destroying his brain before its too late? clem being there watching doesnt help because now theres the added layer of "do i brutally murder this man in front of this child even if it means saving her life?" i usually end up trying to help lilly just because i know kenny is gonna do it regardless (and i dont want her to feel completely ostracized by the group). the idea of puling this woman back from her dying father so we can brutally murder him in front of her is.... a lot. like.. you can TRY to save him you know?? even if he turns hed still have to get off the ground first just hold the salt lick ready kenny 💀 plus you still have to actually Die first before turning. theyd have a second to feel his pulse stop. but its a very hectic scene where youre forced to act first think later. and either way clem is forced to see it. the worst part about it is knowing kenny is gonna be on my ass about it even tho i side with him on LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE 😐😑

shoot lee/leave lee - its just 😭 telling this little girl to kill the one person she has left, moments after seeing her dead parents. its time for her to start doing the hard things. but to tell her to do THIS?? you are fucking that child up beyond belief. but also the guilt she'll carry if she DOESNT do it, knowing hes still in that jewelry store, possibly chained to it, forever (which the narrative impact of lee starting and ending the game in handcuffs (possibly a prisoner in his own body??) makes me SCREAM AND CRY LEEEEEEEEEEE THATS GOOD NARRATIVE BAYBEE).

S2: shoot kenny/look away - another "is clem ready to do this?" kind of moment. its time for her to start making her own choices. what does SHE want?? i think even a clem who shoots kenny is gonna be conflicted about it on some level. recently i played a clem who let kenny kill jane then shot him anyway. that was cool :) and the moment is way more dark than shooting him outright. no heartfelt goodbyes. just a tired "do it". oof. the set up for the kenny/jane fight is Not Good like we ALLLLLL KNOOWWW it shouldve been luke ok. but the choice itself is still a HUGE character moment for clem, and its one of my favorite and most dreaded choices in the series. how is clem feeling about kenny at this point? is shooting him something she can do?? before its too late?? or will she be paralyzed by choice? this is a choice she Never shouldve had to make, but here she is, and she has to. before time runs out. i like my clems alone so usually i either wait out the clock (no choice is still a choice. clem just cant do it but cant look away either) and stay at wellington (good alone ending), or i shoot him 1 of 2 ways (clem Can do it)(bad alone ending). shooting him after he kills jane is just like 2 birds one stone to me SHDHSJKDS 💀 and it hits that middle ground of being paralyzed by choice but still ultimately Making A Choice, just too late for it to matter to anyone but herself. and her line of dialogue finding aj alone "we're gonna be ok, we're gonna be ok" like shes trying to reassure herself more than anything WAAAHH i kinda liked it a Lot actually 👀

S3: ??? romancing kate or not i guess?? - its the only one that really made me feel conflicted (aside from maybe the conrad thing?? sorry clem but im gonna force you to stick around actually i like it for the Narrative and it makes gabe less annoying later. also conrads alright). do you respect your brother or do you get with his wife who hates him LOL. because its not one choice you make, not really. its one the game is constantly asking of you, putting you in situations where the choice needs to be made again and again until finally you make the Ultimate choice about it. people who complain about the game being so pushy about it are kinda funny to me because like, ya.. thats the whole point.... (ive pushed back defiantly Literally just because of how pushy the game is about it tho so like i get it) she is a temptation the game is intentionally dangling in front of javi. she is the Final source of conflict between the brothers. will he remain loyal or give into it? i say give in 😏 give david something to actually be mad about. ive both romanced her and not, and the game kinda feels stunted if you dont? like... i Get It. thats your brothers wife who is still wearing her ring after YEARS of him being gone. theres 😬 feelings there. but even if you dont romance her the game still punishes you by having her be weird about it in the garage in front of david anyway. i say do it even tho its messy. it makes the story more sound imo which S3 desperately needs at that point. javi can still feel bad about it. what DID david expect?? i love mess :)

S4: kill couple/send aj inside - i love a choice that gives me a lot to think about. even if the actual in game consequences are flimsy to none. with this choice specifically, what makes it hard is the fact that the couple asked to be left alone. if they were just two walkers it wouldve been a no brainer. but with their final request, it becomes a matter of respecting the dying wish of this sad couple (which becomes narratively relevant at the end of the game OUGH WHEN IT COMES BACK). and will you teach aj that respecting those wishes is important? he needs to learn to become self sufficient anyway. clem crawled through her own number of dangerous holes in her youth. but thats the other side of it. that clem, knowing personally how dangerous crawling into those spaces where no one could follow was, i dont know how comfortable she would be letting aj do the same. but also, she doesnt want him to grow up too hardened. if she kills this couple, its pushing him further into that hardened mindset. to do whatever you have to to survive, no matter the cost to others. its a choice i find myself sitting with the longest even tho its consequences are pretty much just 2 lines of dialogue ("that couple clem tried to Guilt me about" LMAO YEAH ITS TRUE AJ THIS IS A LEARNING MOMENT FOR YOU). but yeah this is a choice i have a 50/50 chance with going either way on. every time i kill the couple i feel so bad about it 😭 (and so does clem 🥺). it being more of a philosophical question instead of an actual gameplay decision is what i like about it

not sure/take things slow/girlfriends/kiss - NOT JOKING ABOUT THIS ONE its actually so hard for me HSDHSDJKSJKDJK i dont have a paragraph of reasons why tho i just love them all differently. the first two feel the most realistic. i do like the idea of taking things slow and the dialogue for it is really sweet. but also. they might die or be taken tonight. so one kiss before everything could come crashing down on them is nice. but also hearing them call each other girlfriends???? adds years to my life. vi in ep 3 being like "um so you said you wanted to be girlfriends 🥺?" and clem like "😏 ya" i just love hearing them say it 😭 Out Loud 👁���. and then either way clem gets another chance to kiss her in the woods in ep 3 so it works out. and 2 more kisses in ep 4 from vi this time!! thank you devs for my life 🙏 what a wonderful choice

i love choice games so much just because of the questions they ask of you. i honestly LOVE looking through the player choice stats i find them SO INTERERSTING ESPECIALLY the ones that are split perfectly 50/50. i would literally look at the stats for every single choice im not joking. where are the stats

[cure-typhoon]

Homestuck singing headcanons, idk a lot of singing stuff so i'll try to explain it as good as i can

June - Sings like that guy singing payphone from the meme, it's very fun to see but she needs to take some courage first

Rose - A pretty decent singer, took classes when she was little but absolutely hates singing in front of other people so don't even try it

Dave - A good singer but like think of that clip of the guy singing "Hey! What's going on" on a livestream while the girl is laughing her ass off

Jade - kind of bad at it but she is having a good time so no one minds don't tell her she is bad

Karkat - He is BAD, like absolutely awful singing, he screams like half of it and the other half he ends up sounding like a dying chicken

Aradia - She has a pretty voice :) but sings softly and is looking at people's eyes the whole time so the vibes are off the whole time

Tavros - has no confidence at singing and you have to hype him up all through the song so he finish it

Sollux - does not sing don't even try he will kill you

Nepeta - Surprisingly good singer, she will sing her ass off with the songs she likes no matter in what language they're are, a power duo with Equius

Kanaya - Another atrocious singer, she has no sense of rhythm and sings in a very flat monotone voice, tragic

Terezi - Scream sings most of it, decides to fuck up the song half way through for the fun of it, it's a disaster but a fun one to watch

Vriska - She thinks she is a good singer, she is not, but has luck hitting a high note from time to time and is very smug about it

Equius - He has a STRONG voice, he has been taking classes since he was little and he is very good, makes a great duo with Nepeta

Gamzee - Natural born singer, just going by the flow, he has a pretty voice but doesnt really take things seriously so almost no one knows this

Eridan - I think he is too smug to not know how to sing but I also feel he has a very fucking average voice but he thinks he is like the best at it, he is not

Feferi - she KNOWS how to sing, you can try to take this headcanon out of my cold hands and I'll still be right she is the moment she is the legend fucking fight me

Jane - She does not know how to sing but she is singing her soul out like a recently divorced woman mother of three, do not take the mic from her she will kill you

Dirk - He says he doesnt sing, he does, reductenly, he has a good voice but because he is just starting at you with no emotion to his voice it ends up akward

Roxy - She is having the time of her life, she is having fun she doesnt not know how to sing

Jake - He though he was going to have a good time, he is not, its very akward someone help him pls

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

can we talk about how much of a genuine coward spy is when it came to scouts death in the comics? He couldnt bring himself to tell scout the truth, so he "had someone else" do it for him by disguising as tom jones and THEN telling scout.

Sure, maybe he doesnt want Scout to jate him, but still. The rest of the team knows. He probably had to BRIBE them to keep their yaps shut.

Which got me thinkin of a little story. The guilt of both leaving scout and failing to admit the truth to scout is eating spy from the inside out, yet hes been trained and taught not to feel any emotions outwardly, so he doesnt express anything towards it.

But here's the catch: his body is literally being eaten alive inside by the "guilt". AKA, it's just failing on him.

It starts small, with the occassional smoker's cough, until blood starts to come up with the coughing. Its not mucj at first, just some specks, but it gets more intense as time continues until hes coughing out nothing but blood.

medics unable to identify whats wrong. Spy doesnt know what to do. he doesnt know why its happening. he has to get off the battlefield because its gotten so bad.

his teammates are concerned. spy brushes their concern off, saying that he'll be alright in a few days or so.

he was wrong. a few days later hes practically DYING. medic tells him that je cant do anything for spy, and that even if he brings spy back, itll just keep happening. spy finally asks medic to do him a final favour: Tell Scout the truth once spy's dead. Tell everyone to act like they hadn't known, so it seems like scout wasnt left in the dark about it. Medic agrees, sad that it had come to this and feeling like a bad doctor for letting his teammate down. Medic brings the news to everyone but scout and relays spys final request to them. They agree to pretend they hadnt known, including miss pauling, since she was there.

Spy dies a couple days later. Medic tells everyone at breakfast time that spy had passed overnight. Everyones saddened and stunned. Medic then relays spy's request to tell the truth.

Scout's devasted. Absolutely crushed. He wasnt a fan of spy, sure, but now knowing that spy was his dad, he doesnt know what to feel.

The mercs hold a makeshift funeral for spy, and scout doesnt attend. he cant bring himself to. He's upset, both bevause he wasnt told and because he'd never get to make up lost time with his father.

Anon you're killing me.

Uh, this was so good!

But dare I say on the Spy being a coward part, I actually look at that scene as Spy realizing that telling Scout now, while he's dying, won't provide him any comfort, it'll just make his death about Spy in a sence. So he turns into Tom Jones, knowing that's the thing that will provide Scout with the most comfort in his final moments. He also knows that his true feelings about Scout will mean more from Tom Jones than Spy. I mean, if you look at how happy Scout looks at being told that, Spy knows that if he would have been the one to say it, he would have killed the peaceful death that Scout deserved. (But I saw a theory once that claims that Scout knew that Spy was Tom Jones in this situation, and he just played along)

Also! I honestly don't think the other mercs would have to be bribed not to talk about it. They just wouldn't say anything, knowing that its a moment Spy and Scout need to share. That's why when Scout was dying Sniper only said

"Mate." And nothing more. He knew, and I highly doubt Sniper was taking money from Spy to keep keep secret hidden.

But anyway! This was really good. Thank you for sending this Anon!

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas <3

cw/tws for medical stuff, complex family relationships, discussion of death

so, for context, im a regulus black kinnie (itll make sense, give me a sec aha). ive got a difficult relationship with most of my family, but most especially my mother and older sister. my sister is a lot like our family's sirius (except if he still had walburga's narcissism, cruelty and manipulation), and she really doesnt get along with either of our parents. my mother is... a difficult woman, in that she likes to victimise herself in every situation, shes homophobic/transphobic/all the phobics, shes also very narcissistic, and likes to make uncomfortable comments without bothering to be nice about it. all in all, i try not to be around her much. im also supposed to be moving out soon, and planned to minimise contact as much as possible once i do.

to the point: my mother was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. my father (hes kind of a neutral party in the family dynamics, btw) was the one talking to me about it, since she's in hospital at the moment. he said they caught it early enough where a bit of chemo over the next few months should get rid of it and she'll be okay, but 'cancer' is a scary as fuck word. he also then told me that this isnt her first time with it — she had a different type of cancer around 20 years ago.

honestly, i feel like my brain is battling itself about how i should feel. on the one hand, ive been looking forward to not having to be around her now for years, and i hold very little love for her at this point. why should i care? she'll be fine at the end of it anyway. but shes still my mum, yknow? and i feel awful having these thoughts about how badly ive always thought of her and how much ive wanted for so long to get away from her and how it almost feels like this is some sort of sick fucking joke from the universe about how i should be careful what i wish for or something.

this whole situation keeps making me think about regulus in best friends brother(? i think thats the right fic) or p much any modern au where walburga dies so tbh ill probably end up writing a fic about it to cope, but still i just... i guess i needed to tell someone? my father asked me to keep it to myself for now so that it wasnt spread around where we live (its a small area; everyone knows everyone).

and the bit with my sister - as i said, she doesnt get along with our parents. i dont talk to her much anymore either because she seemed to inherit a lot of our mothers worst traits, but im afraid that if we do talk about this then she'll have some awful thing to say about it. she makes some really dark 'jokes' sometimes about suicide and death and such, and im nervous that she'll say something about how she hopes it kills her (again, my sister fucking sick, and has zero empathy), because shes made similar jokes about other stuff in the past. i also dont think she'd understand that im still afraid for our mother even after everything shes done, and i hate the way my sister turns on me and rips the piss out of me when she doesnt like what i do.

it all kind of circles back to how im supposed to feel, i guess. part of me wants to not care and brush it off, whatever, but theres still part of me dying for my mothers love and approval and is terrified of losing her, even with the low possibility.

sorry this got so long, and for how heavy it is. i hope youre doing well cas, and thank you for all you do for us <3

Hi hon!

My god, you ARE a reg kinnie.

Here's the thing- there is not a RIGHT way to feel about those things. You have a complex relationship with your mom, so of course you'll have complex feelings about the situation. You don't need to feel guilty for feeling any certain way, because there's no right or wring way to process this. You're allowed to feel scared and neutral and confused and ambivalent. That's okay!

Your feelings aren't a betrayal to anyone, and you have a right to them. You also have a right to any action you choose to take. Remember to do what feels right for YOU, because YOU are important.

I'm here if you ever need to talk <3

Naming you reg kin anon.