#and show up to derail any post about physical disability

[thedisablednaturalist]

Why does this have to be the called the neurodivergent queer website? Why can't it be referred to as the disabled queer website?

[ladyofthenoodle]

@cutestbug per your request i will expand on my tags on this post! i am starting a new post because i don’t want to derail op’s post rambling about blorbo from my shows

tldr of the original post: sometimes the princess in the tower story can be the story someone needs, especially for people with physical disabilities who might need stories about it being worth it to come to them. these stories say that you will not be forgotten and left abandoned in your tower if you can’t rescue yourself, that people will come for you and value you and you do not need to be mobile to be important (i do recommend clicking through to read the full post if you haven’t)

now adrien isn’t physically disabled in canon, but neither are most princesses in towers. like most fairytale princesses, he’s trapped in the tower by the villain. and just like those princesses, adrien is seen as someone worthy and desirable, a source of inspiration, someone who people seek out again and again even when he can’t come to them. he is the beacon of light, he is the one the hero longs for, he is important even when he’s gone.

but of course adrien doesn’t know any of that, not really. to quote the original post, adrien believes these messages: “You’re out of the narrative, you’re secondary, you’re a burden.” and “Nobody would want to visit; nobody would want to listen; nobody would want to stay.” but neither of those are true about him at all, even in season 4 when he has decreased screentime, the impact of that is felt strongly by the audience. and we know he’s at no point less important to the hero, who remains as dedicated to him as she always has been.

and this is where the identity dichotomy comes in and allows for both narratives. since season 1, being chat noir has been adrien’s escape from the tower. he’s the self-rescuing princess, he’s wonder woman breaking free from literal and metaphorical bondage, he’s able to fight for himself and for other people. and we have all long expected this to culminate in him rescuing himself in a more permanent way when they finally go head to head with hawkmoth. and that’s a great story! i want that for adrien and i want that for the people that need that story from adrien. i want him to face his father head on and say “you can’t control me, i’m my own person.” and i do think that is his story as chat noir.

but at the same time, i want him to know he is worth being rescued. that people will fight for him when he can’t fight for himself. because no one can fight all the time and we all deserve to know we are worth fighting for. that someone will make the journey to the tower for us. that we are worth fighting dragons for. because adrien doesn’t believe that about himself. which is why in season 4, when he is able to escape as chat noir less and less, as he is less and less able to fight and more and more trapped and left behind, he starts to feel worthless. if he can’t fight for himself, what’s the point? but meanwhile we see marinette is willing to slay every dragon for the boy trapped in his tower.

because of secret identities, the other characters don’t know adrien has the power to rescue himself. so our hero keeps trying to rescue him and hopefully one day adrien will see that he’s worth rescuing, he’s worth all the effort, even without being a hero himself, he’s important. even if he’s “useless.” he can fight side by side with ladybug as chat noir and also see ladybug being willing to do anything to save adrien even when adrien is out of reach. adrien can learn he is worth rescuing to other people while chat noir can simultaneously learn he can rescue himself. he can literally help ladybug rescue adrien as if adrien is an entity separate from himself. it’s a bit like having our cake and eating it too. and i just think that the set up of the lovesquare is so neat for that and that ladrien deserves all the rights.

[cakebeam]

Sorry if this comes across as a bit of a downer but…

Truthfully, i’m just jealous there’s viewers out there who are still so hopeful of malex getting back together after how horrible both characters were treated in season two. I wish I still cared enough about their relationship to want to see them as a couple.

Between Michael telling Alex they weren’t good for each other, physically shoving him, flaunting his relationship with Maria in front of him, leaving him chained to a radiator… What’s left to cheer for? 🤷‍♀️

I miss the blind hope I had for them in season one and am so apprehensive for season three…

Bro... I am totally with you. I have noticed a difference in positivity in the fandom with who watched season 2 and who didn't lol. I watched season 2 about 3 times so that's on my ass I guess.

I've never been in this situation before since none of my previous *main* ships have ever been written like this. I honestly thought Malex was going to be the next Malec (LOL WOOPS) and I'm still in shock that season 2 really did that crazy sh*t to Malex, especially since it's a gay ship and this is a very loud "woke" show. But Malex is still so... I don't know special? It's definitely damaged right now and I truly don't know how season 3 can make what happened in ALL of season 2 right in order to move forward with this love story but man, I really am rooting that these writers can. I know there are ways for them to but it means they actually have to commit to damage control and not brush everything out the window like nothing happened.

It's not going to be enough at this point if they just have Malex getting back together, too much has happened now. Miluca still has to officially die, Michael has to some how make up for his out of character actions in season 2 and prove he's not just choosing him 'cause Maria booted him out and Alex has got to stop with the internalized homophobia sh*t. It's a lot of problems that's linked to homophobic writing but we don't know how much of that was Carina. Hopefully it was all her so that way maybe there's a chance for something spectacular for season 3. Or it'll be terrible and we all can just bounce and take our views/media posts to more positive LGBTQ+ content.

Malex is just so rare with the chemistry these characters/actors have and the storyline for them has SO much potential for it to be an epic romance. I mean, a bisexual alien with superpowers in love with a disabled gay soldier who comes from a long line of alien hunters? It's so good! But season 2 did weaken the sh*t out of it with derailing these two from being together and writing a narrative that didn't make sense for any of the characters or storyline. I'm still going to give season 3 a shot because I do truly want to get closure in hopes RNM will fix the toxic homophobic narrative that was written in season 2 but also because I really want to see this love story bloom and thrive if in the right writers hands.

[whitehotharlots]

Previewing the 2024 Democrat Primary

Within a couple weeks of his being sworn in, just about every person on earth will wish Joe Biden was no longer president. Sure, the few surviving John B. Anderson voters will be thrilled to see 4 years of crushing austerity and half-assed attempts at Keynesian stimulus. But most people will begin dreaming about a brighter future.

Good news! The 2024 Democratic primary field is going to contain dozens of options. Bad news! They are all going to be disgusting piles of shit. 

The “top tier”

While it’s too early to do any handicapping, these are the candidates the media will treat as having the most realistic chances of securing the nomination. 

Kamala Harris

Kamala did not win a single primary delegate in 2020. This is because she dropped out before the first primary, and that was because no one likes her. She has no base beyond a few thousand of twitter’s most violent psychos. Her disingenuousness approaches John Edwards levels: any halfway incredulous person can see immediately beyond her bullshit. She has no principles whatsoever, and while that may be par for the course for Democrats, she lacks even the basic politician’s ability to intuit anything that might, hypothetically, constitute a principle. 

Even better: she is an awful public speaker. She sounds like how a talking dog would speak if he were just caught stealing people food off the kitchen table. She communicates in weird grunts and faux sassy squeaks, which is how she imagines real black women sound like, but something about her is unable to sell the bit. She begins her sentences in halfhearted AAVE, stops and panics halfway through as she realizes that maybe this sounds fake and offensive, and then reminds herself oh wait, no, this is okay since I’m black. This doesn’t happen once or twice per speech. This is how every single sentence sounds. 

Kamala is like Nancy Pelosi in that no sketch show will ever impersonate her correctly, because anything that came close to authenticity would be considered far too cruel. This might benefit her in the primaries, as she exists in the minds of Democrats as someone and something she absolutely is not in reality. Nominating her would be like allowing your child’s imaginary friend to attempt to drive you to the store. 

Andrew Cuomo

Easily one of the 50 worst people alive, Cuomo has a solid chance because Democrats, same as Republicans, are unable to differentiate between electability and self-serving ruthlessness. Cuomo used the deadliest public health crisis in American history as a pretext for cutting Medicaid and firing 5,000 MTA workers, and his approval rating increased. New York Dems are little piggies who love eating shit. If we assume that the political media will continue their habit of refusing to discuss the legislative history of right wing Democrats, Cuomo might well cruise to the nomination and then lose to literally any human being the GOP nominates by an historic margin. 

Joe Biden

The party loves him because he is a right wing racist. “Progressives” tolerate him because black primary voters over 40 supported him, and their opinion is supposedly a magic window into god’s truth. Everyone else can tell he is manifestly senile. I don’t put it above the DNC to pick a candidate who is in horrible health, dying, or even dead--whatever the financial sector wants, they’ll get. But I would be shocked if his approval rating is above 39% by mid-2023, and by that point deep fake technology will be advanced enough they’ll put out a very lifelike video in which the Max Headroom version of Joe explains he’s proud of his accomplishments--that budget’s almost balanced already--but, man, I gotta abd--I gotta abdica--, uhh, I gotta, I, uhh, I gotta move down, man. 

Wild Cards

These candidates would have all have a chance if they ran, but they could all much more easily retire to Little Saint James off of kickbacks they’ve gotten from Citibank and I.G. Farben. 

Rahm Emanuel

Rahm is going to receive some hugely influential post in the Biden administration. Let’s say he becomes Secretary of Education. His signature achievement will be replacing all elementary school teachers with Amazon’s Alexa, which saved the taxpayers so much money we were able to quadruple the number of armed police officers we put into high schools. This will give him several thousand positive profiles on network news programs and the near-universal support of the Silicon Valley vampires who will own 99% of the country by the time Biden’s term ends. They will use their fancy mind control devices to convince geriatic primary voters that Rahm’s the one who will bring Decency back to the white house. His candidacy will be the paragon of wokeness, as expressing concern toward the fact that he covered up the police murder of a black guy will get you called a racist. 

Rahm has a bonus in that Jewish men are now Schrodeniger’s PoC. When they are decent human beings, they are basic, cis white men who are stealing attention from disabled trans candidates of color. When they love austerity and apartheid, they become the most vulnerable people of color on earth and criticizing them in any way is genocide. No one will be able to mention a single thing Rahm has ever done or said without opening themselves to accusations of antisemitism, and that gives him a strong edge against the rest of the field. The good news is that an Emmanuel candidacy would result in over 50% of black voters choosing the GOP candidate--which, I guess that’s not really good but it would certainly be funny. 

Gavin Newsom

Newsom is every bit as feckless as Cuomo, but he doesn’t put off the same “bad guy in an early Steven Segal movie” vibes. He will mention climate change 50 times per speech and no one will bother to mention how he keeps signing fracking contracts even though his state is now on fire 11 months of the year. If anything, this will be spun into an argument about how he’s actually the candidate best suited to handle all the water refugees gathering on the southern border. Look for his plan to curb emissions by 10% by the year 2150 to get high marks from Sierra Club nerds. He’s also a celebate librarian’s idea of what constitutes a handsome man, so he’ll have some support from the type of women who claim to hate all men. 

Larry Summers

I mean, why not? Larry, like most members of the Obama administration, has politics that are eerily similar to those of Jordan Peterson. In normal circumstances, this makes a person a dangerous fascist who should not be platformed. But if that person has a D next to their name this makes them a realistic pragmatist who has what it takes to bring suburban bankers into our tent. If current trends in Woke Phrenology continue apace, Larry’s belief that women are inherently bad at STEM will be liberal orthodoxy by 2023, and his dedication to the Laffer Curve could see him rake in massive donations. Seriously, I’m not kidding: cultural liberalism is now fully dedicated to identity essentialism and balanced budgets. Larry is their ideal candidate. If he were black and/or a woman, I’d put him in the very top tier. 

Jay Inslee

Unlike Newsom, Inslee’s attempt to crown himself the King of Global Warming won’t be immediately derailed, since his state is only on fire because of protestors. This, however, poses a different problem. He’s going to be a good test case for the Democrat’s uneasy peace with the ever increasing share of the electorate who become catatonic upon hearing a pronoun. On the one hand, you need to take their votes for granted. On the other hand, they’re not like black people or regular gays: most voters actively, consciously despise wokies, and associating yourself with them will ruin a campaign even in deep blue areas. There’s still gonna be riots in a year. Biden’s gonna announce the sale of all our nation’s potable water to the good folks at Nestle and some trans freak named Sasha-Malia DeBalzac is going to use that as an opportunity to sell their new pamphlet about how it’s fascist to not burn down small businesses. No matter what Inslee does in response, it’ll end his career. 

AOC

I’m not one of those “AOC is a secret conservative” weirdos, but I am aware enough of basic reality to know she has zero chance of coming close to the nomination. The right and the center both regard her as a literal demon. The party is already blaming her for the fact that a handful of faceless Reagan acolytes failed to flip their suburban districts even though they ran on sensible pragmatic proposals like euthanizing the homeless. The recriminations will only get more unhinged when the Dems eat shit in the 2022 midterms. She will be a Russian, she will be white male, she will be a communist, she will be a homophobe: any insult or conspiracy theory you can name, MSNBC will spend hours discussing. Her house seat challenger will receive a record amount of support from the DNC in 2024 and it’ll be all she can do to remain in congress.

Larry Hogan

Don’t be dissuaded by the fact that he’s a Republican. Larry is the DNC’s ideal candidate: a physically repulsive conservative who owes his entire career to appealing to the most spiteful desires of suburban white people. He’s an open racist in a material sense--if you’re old-school enough to think racism is a matter of beliefs and actions, rather than the presence of cultural signifiers--but his is the beloved “never Trump” style of racism that Dems covet. He’s also a Proven Leader who thinks the role of government should be to finance the construction of investment property and give police the resources they need to run successful drug trafficking operations. Few people embody the Democrat worldview more than Larry. 

The Losers Bracket

These people will have at least a small chance due solely to the fact that the Democrats love losing. They have lost in the past, and in the Democrat Mind that makes them especially qualified.

Joe Kennedy

The man looks like a mushroom-human hybrid from a JRPG. Trump proved that physical hideousness need not doom a presidential bid, but a candidate still needs some kind of charm or oratorical abilities or, god forbid, a decent platform. Joe aggressively lacks all of these things. A vanity campaign would be a good way to raise money and perhaps secure an MSNBC gig, so Joe might still run. 

Mayor Pete 

I am 100% convinced that Pete’s 2020 run was a CIA plot meant to prevent working class Americans from ever having a chance of living decent lives. I am also 100% aware that Democrats are dumb enough to enthusiastically support a CIA plot meant to prevent working class Americans from ever having a chance of living decent lives. If we have some sort of military or terror disaster between now and 2023 the Dems are sure to want a TROOP, and wait wait wait you’re telling me this one is a gay troop? Holy hell there’s no way that could lose!

Stacy Abrams

Never underestimate the power of white guilt. She lost the gubernatorial race to Gomer Pyle’s grandson, and her spiritual guidance of the Dems saw the party lose black voters in Georgia in 2020. Nonetheless, she is regarded as a magic font of fierceness within the DNC. She might stand a chance if she can establish herself as the most conservative non-white candidate in the field, but there’s going to be stiff competition for that honor.

Elizabeth Warren

Liz is probably angry that the party so shamelessly sold her out even after she was a good little girl and sabatoged Bernie’s campaign for them--yet another example of high ranking US government officials reneging on their promises to the Native American community. Smdh. The fact that this woman hasn’t been bankrupted a dozen times over by various Wallet Inspectors genuinely astounds me. So Liz is probably going to run again, and her campaign will be even sadder the second time around. 

It might surprise you to hear this if you don’t work at a college or NGO, but Liz diehards actually do exist. She’ll get even less support this time because there will be no viable leftist in the field for her to spoil, but she’ll still hang in long enough to make sure the very worst possible candidate beats out the second worst possible candidate. Maybe she’ll fabricate a rape accusation against Sherrod Brown. Maybe she’ll spend her entire allotted debate time doing a land acknowledgment. With Liz, anything is possible--so long as it ends in failure. 

Amy Klobuchar 

Amy was the most bloodthirsty of the 2020 also rans. She will double down on the unpopular failures of the Biden administration, explaining that if you weren’t such a selfish idiot you’d love the higher social security retirement age and oh my god are so such a moron you think you shouldn’t go bankrupt to get a COVID vaccine? There’s a non-unsubstantial segment of the Democratic base that’s self-hating enough to find this appealing, but it won’t be enough to make her viable. 

Martha Coakley

She lost Ted Kennedy’s senate seat to a retarded man who was pretending to be even more retarded than he actually was. Then she lost a gubernatorial race to a guy who openly promised Massachusetts voters that he would punish them for electing him. Her record of failure is unparalleled, making her perhaps the ideal Democrat standard bearer for the twenty twenties. 

[artificialenvy]

CALLOUT POST

@currynahh / @currynya is a shitty person.

I am making this post because I refuse to let them throw around accusations that I'm a predator.

Reasons I believe they are shitty:

I have ADHD, but I'll try not to derail any points.

After not seeing my spouse since Highschool, they invited them to a discord server. I was brought along and given a "+1" role, as in "This person isn't one of us, just @twiranux 's +1. I wouldn't have had a problem with that if it didn't create and "In group" and "out group" where the people in the ingroup treated the +1 role as "not a friend, just a +1."

They have a room for venting in that server, as a lot of people do. I have seen people typing in there on three occasions and decided not to interrupt them for my own needs, however the time I got to start typing in there and posted a couple of messages to indicate I would be typing, someone else came in and made it about them. I doubt they meant harm by that, but I went to @currynahh and explained it hurt to be silenced like that. I wasn't looking for an apology, I was looking for a solution so other people don't get hurt. My proposed suggestion was a second vent room for if there were 2 people needing it at once on that large a server, it would be helpful, or atleast a rule about interrupting vulnerable people. They dismissed this saying "two rooms wouldn't help because what if there were THREE people" which, if there were three people at the same time one would still have to wait, but the line would be split in half and people would be able to use it if it was an emergency and the first space was already taken without interrupting.

When they dismissed this idea, I said (and I dont have the exact quote as I left the channel, something @currynahh is very particular about is exact phrasing.) "If there's no rule against interrupting I guess next time I'm in need to type and someone is already using the safe space, I'll just be That Dickhead[TM] and interrupt? Can't wait." to which they threatened me with a ban, assuming I meant I was going to actively hurt people instead of just pointing out that there being no rule meant ANYONE could be That Dickhead[TM]

I also pointed out the inconsistency of threatening me with a ban for saying I'd do what the other user actually did and cut someone off. (they never spoke to the person who interrupted me about the event, to my knowledge, and I never spoke to them or saw their name) so I referred to them as "the fucker who interrupted me." Not in a mean way, just.. Here people can be called fuckers, like calling kids brats. I apologized once they said they found that rude, but they kept bringing it up saying I was name calling.

This is Hearsay, but apparently they said the person probably interrupted me because of ADHD, they seem a bit too comfortable deciding what is a factor of someone's else disabilities without consulting them.

Them dismissing my problems and threatening me with a ban instead of trying to fix their server made me actually go to name calling, and I still feel it's fair to call them a heartless cunt. Heartless for pretending to care when really they just wanted to defend someone in the in-group, Cunt cause it's a great word and it fits. I know the word Cunt is seen more harshly in some places, again, so much here. They really take offense to regional and class based dialects. They went to a private school and were calling me mean for just calling a dude I had no name for as "a fucker" when to me, someone who's poor and went to public school in a shitty town in Ontario, it's the norm here.

Since they showed they really didn't care I told them they were fake and left their channel, my spouse chose to follow me which I didnt know about at the time.

They DMed my spouse with another person who hasn't spoken to my spouse or I in 6 years to call me toxic, abusive and a predator. My spouse said they wouldn't have that conversation without me, as its childish and unproductive to just talk behind peoples backs. When @currynahh kicked me out of the group chat, refusing to talk like adults, my spouse asked me to log into their account to participate since they didn't want to be cornered by these two people to talk shit about someone they care about.

They call me toxic and abusive because I vaguely know the passwords to @twiranux 's accounts, despite never logging in unless asked to (for example a daily event in a videogame that they won't be able to make in time but wants the rewards.) and because on one occasion while I was napping, my spouse forgot an agreement we made about watching a specific movie together and I was upset about that, as I'm sure most people would be if their partner agreed to not watch something without them. I tried to keep my cool and just stay out of the way of their enjoyment, but my spouse wanted me to join in atleast for the end so I did, still grumpy but trying to make the best of it. If they had waited an hour or chose a different movie, things would've been different but @currynahh doesn't want "excuses."

They call me a predator because the person I'm married to is 2 years younger than me. @twiranux and I have been together almost 9 years now, we started Long Distance Online Dating just playing minecraft, listening to owl city (our song's Honey and The Bee 🐝,) and making Garry's Mod youtube videos. We would've been about 13 and 15 at the time, though it is worth noting that our birthdays were less than a month away from when we started dating so 14 and 16 if you want to make that distinction, I was in class with people the same age as my spouse. They think the age is gross, but we were two neurodivergent kids who were extremely sheltered at the time (helicopter parents/physical disabilities) who could only have freedom online. We had met through liking the same movies and youtubers and knew eachother a year before, while I was asking for advice on asking someone else out, my now spouse confessed attraction to me and I suggested we try "dating" for a bit, which consisted of nothing new except drawing cute pictures and giving eachother nicknames. I dont know if I knew their age at the time, but I did think they were a boy which didn't change anything, just hopefully shows I wasn't some 30 year old neckbeard hunting for kids on the net, I was just a disabled kid who was caught off guard by a confession of attraction and rolled with it.

@currynahh says they have proof that we weren't innocent in highschool, as (they claim) we asked them to write nsfw fanfic about us, which.. we didn't? My spouse has no idea where thats coming from and neither do I so just a blatant lie. Not that it's anyone's business but my spouse and I didnt meet in person for about 4 years and anything physical took place after we were both legal adults, im not comfortable going into more detail.

After my spouse had me log onto their account to show they weren't going to be cornered by those two, I was allowed back into the group chat to try and figure out why they think im problematic, but @currynahh insists im just making excuses when I've just been saying exactly what im saying here. They say I'm sugarcoating it, I disagree. I dont have the exact words I said about everything, but admitting to calling her a Heartless Cunt isn't something I'd do if i were sugarcoating it as she suggests. This is how it played out they keep trying to shove me into this "abuser" box they framed me in without knowing me.

They would repeatedly spew paragraphs of "points" then block me and leave the group chat while I was typing up a response. They don't want excuses (read: explanations) and they don't care about facts (that they misunderstood certain things and was willing to clear up what I meant if they weren't so caught up on semantics.)

I will not go into my partners mental illnesses on this platform, but they have a psychiatrist who I've met and I have to (sometimes in a way that looks controlling to someone who doesn't know the problems) keep my spouse grounded. The Psychiatrist thought I was doing a great job at managing it, but @currynahh disagrees, saying I'm enabling (without even letting us tell them what the problem is or how im helping.)

Which brings us to the next point; they say I can't talk about the mental health of myself or my spouse because it will trigger them, meaning they block any attempt we make at explaining how it works. They treat us as a neurotypical couple and call it abusive when I'm literally just doing what's deemed best by a psychiatrist for my spouse.

For DARING to tell her to stop calling me a predator, she calls me a narcissist, which is just.. Very cool. Love me some armchair diagnosis. They also diagnosed me with anger issues (from one call in which I was grumpy and then me trying to defend myself from these accusations.) So really, I think docs are being paid too much 'cause @currynahh is doing their job for free.

Because they weren't listening to my spouse, my spouse decided to stop typing, especially since she was just going on long rants then leaving the server before we could reply. Whenever @twiranux gets a chance to speak, @currynahh would leave the server claiming it triggers their anxiety to face the consequences of what they said. Then they would tell me to quit speaking over @twiranux when I was just speaking on our behalf, while in a call with @twiranux due to these reasons.

Instead of keeping their nose out of our relationship like we were asking, they kept trying to tell my spouse (who chose to marry me and lives in another country) that im abusive because they think trusting eachother is a sign of abuse.

Instead of listening that we're fine, they throw a tantrum and tell us to go to marriage counseling (which, although I wouldn't be opposed to going, is very telling that they think people can just do things that require money on a whim.)

They say that "instead of saving up to move in together and have kids you should put money towards marriage counseling" which again, what savings do they think I have? My bank account has -$4.00 in it and my spouse can't work right now. We have nothing.

They keep bringing up kids and how would we raise them? Would they not have privacy? Its a stupid point they threw out there as currently there aren't plans to have kids and there's huuuge difference between a married couple knowing eachothers passwords and not letting your kids have privacy.

They keep bringing up the fact that we've lost friends before without knowing why. So if they want to private message me I'd be happy to tell her about how we left our last friend group after a dispute where the other people were claiming the N word was inoffensive. Or the group that actually was trying to get into my spouses pants and we weren't comfortable there. You keep making accusations then refusing to listen to facts.

Idk if I'm missing anything, if they unblock me and see this they will probably say I'm staw-manning again without actually telling me how and while having no counter arguments. They also don't accept my adhd for accidentally derailing, while using theirs to deflect any criticism.

Karina, you don't know us and you say even talking about our mental health will trigger you, so you need to accept that you're unwilling or unable to understand the dynamics of our relationship but just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's toxic. I wouldn't have made this post if you didn't keep calling me a predator, but I need to clear that accusation publicly before you keep throwing around dangerous labels.

Grow up. Get some help. Learn that your POV isn't the only one.

[shinneth]

Gem Ascension Tropes (Peridot-specific: D - E)

Reference:

Primary Peri Post ▼ Primary General Post ▼ Full Article

Dark and Troubled Past: GA gives Peridot quite the backstory in both aspects. Her living conditions were awful, but Peridot herself was morally corrupt, cunning, and ambitious. The way Homeworld society operates only enabled Peridot to become a sociopathic Manipulative Bastard, but her fateful first meeting with Jasper Broke the Haughty in a wide variety of ways. That made her more of a Jerkass Woobie, and thankfully it wasn’t long before she was captured by the Crystal Gems and Took a Level in Kindness. Still, Peridot repressed the majority of her Homeworld memories to cope after her Heel-Face Turn and was forced to remember them upon returning to Homeworld to rescue her friends. The amount of guilt weighing down on Peridot after this is immense, and even though Steven taught Peridot how to forgive herself by the end of GA, Peridot’s still going to have to be constantly reminded of her past transgressions by the refugees she’s tasked with acclimating to Earth.

Deadpan Snarker: Very much so, per canon. Especially with Lapis, and it’s actually fully justified since the two aren’t afforded time in the story to truly talk about the terrible way Lapis treated her and her friends (outside of the Video Will she made for Lapis). Up to Eleven in Act III with White Diamond, taking advantage of being a valuable Hostage MacGuffin to Trash Talk her literally any chance she gets.

Death is a Sad Thing: Peridot never had to suffer the loss of a loved one until Pumpkin succumbed to her mortal wounds in Chapter 8 of Act III. Once that happens… Peridot’s sorrow nearly kills an entire planet.

Death Wail: She does not take it well when Pumpkin dies right before her eyes. Induces Brown Note levels of damage across what’s left of Homeworld.

Defiant Captive: Very much this while she is White Diamond’s prisoner during the early chapters of Act III. Deliberately invoked as Peridot’s Genre-Savvy enough to understand her value as a Hostage MacGuffin makes her (relatively) untouchable and doesn’t hesitate to disrespect White Diamond in ways no other gem could.

Delirious Misidentification: When even the (illusionary) threat of Peridot’s own limbs being severed to keep a blade from slicing her neck isn’t enough to make the Determinator give in to White Diamond, the latter responds by conjuring a very convincing hologram of Steven who even sounds exactly like the real deal. After nearly a week of this torture she had to endure alone, Peridot is fooled into thinking Steven actually came to save her… and sparing even one second to look in his direction allowed White Diamond to finally overpower her and force Peridot into submission.

Derailed Train of Thought: Peridot is prone to this a lot. The early chapters of Act I especially show Peridot falling into this when she’s trying to lead her team. This trope is how she ends up confessing her love for Steven in every single Video Will she makes to her friends. Peridot herself acknowledges this flaw of hers, but it’s a very hard habit for her to break.

Desperately Craves Affection: Praise, more specifically. Affection is also wanted, but Peridot’s been addicted to receiving praise even since her days as a Jerkass Homeworld gem. In Peridot’s Video Will to Pearl, she acknowledges this and wonders if this was something ingrained into her very being as a worker gem at the bottom of the caste system. With no hope of upward movement for the Peridot kind and often overlooked and underappreciated (and largely disrespected by every gem above them), the best they can ever hope for is being praised for doing their job well.

Determinator: The defining aspect of Peridot’s character in GA; turned Up to Eleven in Act III.

Devoted to You: It cannot be overstated how Steven means everything to Peridot. She will do and say things she’d normally never go through with for this boy if she must. She’s so devoted, Peridot inadvertently makes sure everyone knows Steven means everything to her via her Video Wills in Act II.

Digging Yourself Deeper: Once Peridot’s propensity for running her mouth lands her in hot water, or she says something out loud she didn’t mean for anyone to actually hear, she’s under some delusion that going out of her way to make elaborate excuses or justifications will fix everything… and it never does. It always leads to this. Steven himself tells 5XF in This is Who I Am Chapter 2 that this is just a fatal flaw of Peridot’s she inexplicably can’t overcome.

Disability-Negating Superpower: Ascending to a hybrid Diamond whose power is charged by sheer will enables Peridot to bypass most limitations she had as an Era 2 gem, though there is a cap on her potential when using said powers in her Peridot form. This makes her the only Era 2 gem who can shapeshift.

Disorganized Outline Speech: While Peridot tries to make it out like she was kidding, she struggled with this trope while trying to find a way how to do her introduction for her Video Will to Amethyst in Chapter 3 of Act II.

Double Consciousness: A genuine and understandable concern of Peridot’s when she ascends and gains a Superpowered Alter Ego in Chartreuse Diamond. Although there hasn’t been much room for distinction between the two, Peridot knows in her heart there are at least a few exclusive factors to their natures. And she will need to make use of her Chartreuse alias in the Post-GA era, so while Peridot did learn to accept that Chartreuse is legitimately just another part of her, she’s a long way from embracing her Diamond persona and is wary about staying in that form for long.

Draw Aggro: Proposed by Peridot when an alligator ambush occurs in Chapter 2 of This is Who I Am, but ultimately averted as 5XF is quick to question this strategy, which results in the two bickering in a corner until Steven comes in to save the day.

The Dreaded: Was notoriously this to her fellow Peridots before her promotion and assignment to monitor Earth. The combination of her ambition, stoic and sociopathic nature, and overall being a cunning Manipulative Bastard made her fellow kind either avoid her out of fear or revere her in hopes of sharing in her success… though that never happened. Peridot saw all of her coworkers as expendable pawns, and if she was ever cordial with them, it was always an act that played into a greater scheme down the road that would only benefit her in the end. The few Peridots who were bold enough to attempt to get 5XG in trouble always met a gruesome end after failing to prove her of any wrongdoing. 3UI learned that the hard way, and Peridot gave the rest of her coworkers a speech that pretty much underlines why exactly she embodied this trope for most of her short lifespan, punctuated with crushing up 3UI’s remains for all to see.

Peridot: “I know this hasn’t been the first time I made an example out of an envious Peridot, but let this be a refresher course to remind everyone what will become of you if you even entertain the notion of snitching on me. Mind your own business, and you’ll live a long, fulfilling life for our Diamond…”

Dressing as the Enemy: Downplayed; Peridot obtains a new set of limb enhancers in Chapter 4 of Act I. While she can traverse Homeworld without them, it does draw a little attention (as Era 2 Peridots are very seldom seen without them), and they’re required for Peridot to “report to work” at her old station. In order to get the Skeleton Key she’s aiming for to optimize navigation of Homeworld to find her captured friends, Peridot needs to find a way to get close to Yellow Pearl; this scenario is the only way she can pull it off.

Earn Your Happy Ending: Hard to argue this. Peridot did work herself nearly to death to coordinate the rescue mission, only to get tortured for six consecutive days after being the only one to get left behind, then having her own identity compromised along with the shock of learning about being an Unwitting Test Subject, having to live with Chartreuse Diamond as her Alter Ego for the rest of her life, being forced to fight her friends… Then after a brief reprieve when she rejoins her friends, carries heavy angst over not being able to fuse with Steven, which ends up being what makes her vulnerable and receptive to a forced fusion with White Diamond, is helplessly trapped within Celadon Diamond and is only able to break free when Pumpkin is killed, which causes Peridot to have the ultimate Heroic BSoD that doubles as an Angst Nuke on an already-crumbling planet. Only after all that does life finally work in Peridot’s favor. She is not kidding when she says she needs a lengthy vacation at the end of GA. Thankfully, she’s granted one in Plans Change.

Egocentric Team Naming: In Chapter 6 of Act II, Peridot refers to GA’s initial team of herself, Lapis, Bismuth, and Greg as the “Peridot Patrol”; most likely in jest as she hasn’t referred to her division as such ever since. However, given Peridot’s circumstances by Act II, her teammates quickly make it their official Squad Nickname, though they opt to shorten it to simply call themselves the “Peri Patrol”.

Emotional Maturity is Physical Maturity: Per canon with any gem, but Peridot undergoes an unusual case that is strikingly similar to Steven’s Plot-Relevant Age-Up despite that trope not being possible for a full gem. When she first resumes her natural form after ascending to become Chartreuse Diamond, Peridot appears to have a bit of a growth spurt. It’s not extreme, but noticeable in that she outgrows Amethyst and has a more pronounced hourglass figure. Post-GA stories (It’s a Birthday, Yes It Is, most notably) theorize this is a result of Peridot’s final inquiry prior to ascension, which was whether or not becoming a Diamond would give her a mature body so that she wouldn’t have the appearance of a scrawny brat anymore. Given the nature of Peridot’s power in particular, it’s safe to say she willed her Chartreuse Diamond form to have a much more mature and developed appearance and subconsciously willed her own base form to reflect this – but in a subtle manner that still made her recognizable. Another factor may be the Relationship Upgrade with Steven making Peridot even more self-conscious of her appearance.

The Engineer: The Support Engineer.

Erotic Dream: In Chapter 8 of Act II, Peridot (via her prerecorded Video Will) confesses to having this happen to her… in a dream with an otherwise innocuous setup where she and Steven are Happily Married with loads of kids, with Peridot herself as a stereotypical housewife; Steven’s portrayed as an average breadwinner of the family, but after revealing he doesn’t have work today, he seductively asks his wife if she wants to “make another one” before carrying her off to the bedroom.

Extra-ore-dinary: Her ferrokinesis, per canon. They’re later revealed to be merely a branch of her true potential that was awakened via a Despair Event Horizon (something similar happens to Steven in Chapter 4 of Act III), but even post-ascension, Peridot uses her metal powers more often than her vast array of new abilities… possibly with the exception of her utilizing Hammerspace and teleportation.

Extreme Doormat: A trope discovered in hindsight regarding how Peridot acted around Lapis when they were roommates during This is Who I Am Chapter 3, as it’s revealed Lapis (inadvertently) played a huge role in preserving some degree of Peridot’s sanity when they met. Her mere presence is why Peridot’s Near-Rape Experience with Jasper didn’t go any further than that. Since Peridot was already on the brink of completely breaking down and losing her identity from what Jasper already put her through, it’s safe to assume Peridot would have never become the gem she currently is had Lapis not repeatedly taken the bullet for her.

[gcintheme-blog]

Honor Killings in Iraq: Examining Patriarchy

It is late here in Baghdad but I’m waiting for the hot water tank to fill back up as my sister took a long shower and then decided to wash her white clothes in a long wash. How annoying! But how lucky I am that this is the thing that is bothering me right now: waiting for my shower. As a young woman, I could have much worse problems on my mind.

What are honor killings?

Here in Iraq, we have a major problem with acts called honor killings, or homicides of family members because that person has brought “dishonor” upon the family. Honor killings are almost always perpetrated against women but have also been carried out against gay (or suspected to be gay) men. Honor killings are a manifestation of patriarchy and a type of male violence.

Family members always blame the victim for the murder. Their reasons might include a woman:

refusing to submit to male authority figures, usually within that family

dressing inappropriately

having sex before marriage, or even the accusation by a husband that she has had sex before the wedding

committing adultery

being a victim of rape, especially if that rape results in pregnancy

refusing arranged marriage (though this reason is more common in South Asia than my home country of Iraq)

seeking divorce

contacting a man outside the family

Or even just rumors of the things above.

In addition to blatant homicide, families might punish a woman by coercing her to commit suicide or forcing her to flagellate herself to death, starving her, forcing an abortion or removing her children, female genital mutilation, or altering the hymen as if to show she has not had sex.

Men can be victims of honor killings if they are gay or assumed to be gay. Certain actions, such as acting “womanly” or effeminate, are thought to indicate homosexuality. I will offer some more critical thoughts on this point later in this post.

Are honor killings legal in Iraq?

Well... sort of.  Article 409 of the Iraqi Penal Code states: 

Any person who surprises his wife in the act of adultery or finds his girlfriend close female relative in bed with her lover and kills them immediately or one of them or assaults one of them so that he or she dies or is left permanently disabled is punishable by a period of detention not exceeding 3 years. It is not permissible to exercise the right of legal defense against any person who uses this excuse nor do the rules of aggravating circumstance apply against him.

[Short Arabic lesson: though this translation says “girlfriend,” the more accurate translation is “close female relative” as the Arabic word in the written law محارم (ma-HAR-im) is the plural form of محرم (maH-ram) which literally means “unmarriageable” or “forbidden to marry due to blood relationship.” This is from the root حرم (harima) which means “to be forbidden,” which is also where the Arabic word حرام (har-AM), or “forbidden/prohibited” comes from. So girlfriend is rather inaccurate since a close blood female relative would certainly not be someone’s girlfriend.]

Note the patriarchal language:  “ Any person who finds his wife in the act of adultery or finds his close female relative in bed with her lover.” This says:

Men are considered people and women are possessions. The “his” pronoun indicates the man as the person and the woman as his possession. (This is just as clear in Arabic.)

A man can kill a woman and receive a reduced sentence, but the reverse is not true. A female murderer will not be taken into consideration under this statute.

A man has property-type jurisdiction over “his close relative” which is then indicated as female by “her lover.” A man can murder the women in his family if he catches them having sex.

There is no stipulation in the law for men killing men. The victim is assumed to be a woman.

So honor killings aren’t exactly legal, but there is a specific law that limits the sentence for a man who murders a woman in his family if she is caught having sex outside of marriage.

Two large regions within Iraq have exceptions:

Since 2008, the law in Kurdistan has demanded treating honor killings like any other homicide.

I can’t find specific data, but making a reasonable guess from reports available, the “law” in the Islamic State in Iraq leaves honor crimes unpunished.

In practice, family who commit these murders are unlikely to face any legal consequences. Most experts believe honor killings are unreported or reported as other types of death like suicide. Because of the overarching sexist culture, people are unlikely to report their relatives and neighbors for such crimes. And if the authorities do find out, that same culture means they might not even care. Other times, family members will force a younger son to perform the murder (or blame him for it) so that he will be released from prison sooner. If men ever see prison time, they are often seen as heroes once they are released.

During Saddam Hussein and the Baath Party’s regime, Iraq was at first very secular. For instance, homosexuality was not illegal (but also not very accepted). However, when Saddam felt his power slipping, he began using Islam more in the government. He legalized honor killings in 1995 against women and gay men and used his own personal army called Fedayeen Saddam to carry out public executions. In 2001, he changed the law to demand the death penalty for adultery, prostitution, sodomy, and rape. This law was supposed to be undone after the Americans overthrew Saddam, but many people just ignore the new laws if they don’t like them.

How many people in Iraq are victims of honor killings?

It’s kind of hard to say, as honor crimes are under-reported and recent and specific statistics are not readily available, especially from the Islamic State in Iraq.

Honor killings are most prevalent in Iraqi Kurdistan, but they also occur in other parts of Iraq, most specifically in rural areas (though city numbers are growing as people from Northern Iraq flee to the cities for safety, and then apparently murder their family members). 

According to the Free Women’s Organization of Kurdistan, in 2014, more than 6,000 women were murdered or forced to commit suicide, and many of those were honor killings. That is almost equal to the total number of Peshmerga killed fighting ISIS in 2014.

Furthermore:

As many as 133 women were killed in the Iraqi city of Basra alone in 2006. 79 were killed for violation of "Islamic teachings" and 47 for honor, according to IRIN, the news branch of the U.N.'s Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs. Amnesty International says that armed groups, not the government, also kill politically active women and those who did not follow a strict dress code, as well as women who are perceived as human rights defenders.17-year-old Du'a Khalil Aswad, an Iraqi girl of the Yazidi faith, was stoned to death in front of a mob of about 2000 men in 2007, possibly because she was allegedly planning to convert to Islam.

Are honor killings in Iraq specific to one group?

No, nor are honor killings specific to Iraq.

Honor killings within Iraqi occur most frequently per capita in Kurdistan, as does female genital mutilation, but honor killings do happen elsewere. Some important things about Kurdistan and the Kurds:

Kurdistan is a region that is the historic home of the Kurdish people with parts in modern-day Iran, Iraq, Syria and Turkey. The Kurds have their own language and customs. In Iraq, Kurdistan is an autonomous region.

The Kurds are an ethnic group and not a religious group. Most Kurds are Sunni Muslim but there are Shia, Christian, and Zoroastrian Kurds, as well as Yazidis who practice a more ancient religion mixed with Abrahamic faiths.

Not all Kurds are conservative by any means. Many of them are socialists and fight with militias like Peshmerga against ISIS. This includes women.

However, the city of Basra which is referenced above has a Shia Arab majority by far. Also, ISIS is a Sunni fundamentalist group with a core group of Arab leaders, and they kill anyone who will not obey them and exercise extreme patriarchy. I cannot find data on other groups such as Iraqi Christians, but I would reasonably guess that in rural, conservative areas, honor killings would be present.

The evidence supports that honor killings are a regional problem across religious and ethnic groups. The two elements these different groups have in common are geography and patriarchal systems that promote male violence.

International data supports this idea. Honor killings are present in the Middle East, North Africa, and South Asia, admittedly in Muslim-majority countries. They have spread from those countries to Europe and the Americas mostly with immigrants who bring their cultures with them.

Also, just because other regions and cultures do not use the “honor killing” label doesn’t mean similar murders do not occur. In the United States, the most likely cause of death for pregnant women is homicide. 

These aren’t exactly the same, and I’m not going to pretend they are to make a point. (That’s actually what I like about gender-critical feminism. It analyzes specific physical facts and real situations rather than imaginary concepts.) Honor killings more specifically demonstrate the man’s desire to purify his public image by killing a woman who acts out. In other parts of the world, these killings are usually personal acts of revenge. (So are honor killings, but most other murders do not have that public aspect, with maybe the exception of murder-suicide.)

However, they are instances of severe domestic violence, which is a specific type of male violence. (Yes, I know women can be violent too, but the problem we are addressing here is male violence against family members, so please don’t derail.)

In any country, women are more likely to be killed by a male partner or family member than anyone else. If we set aside the label “honor killing” and examine these crimes for their motivations, we see a pattern. Patriarchy, male violence, jealousy, control, manipulation, male hegemony, hypermasculinity.

Are gay men killed in honor killings?

Yes. Gay men and men suspected of being gay are killed in similar ways.

From Wikipedia:

Since 2005 there have been reports that the Supreme Council for the Islamic Revolution in Iraq's Badr Organization has been involved in death squad campaigns against LGBT Iraqi citizens, and that they are supported in these policies by the Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani. New barbaric attacks, with 90 victims, are reported in the first months of 2012.

These reports seem to stem from a fatwa issued by Iraqi cleric Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani stating that homosexuality and lesbianism are both "forbidden" and that they should be "Punished, in fact, killed. The people involved should be killed in the worst, most severe way of killing".

Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani is the spiritual leader of Shia Muslims in Iraq, but again, this trend does not happen only with Shia Muslim groups. ISIS, a Sunni group who also murder or enslave Shia Muslims for being “infidels,” has the death penalty for homosexuality.

Homophobia is almost universal in Iraq. Usually gay men are targets and the entire concept of lesbianism is ignored. Iraqis know what lesbians are, but perhaps because women do not have the same agency as men to perform homosexual acts in the first place (for example because women are more likely to be married off to a man much younger) people can ignore that lesbians exist and they probably know some.

Technically, homosexuality in Iraq is not illegal (but same-sex marriage is not permitted at all) but when religious leaders are calling for the immediate execution of gay men, this doesn’t matter. Penal code 409 which is stated above does not mention killing men but people do it anyway and they know they will not face legal consequences.

The penal code is also silent on cross-dressing, but this does not mean that men who dress in traditionally women’s clothing or do other feminine things are safe. Iraqis treat this as a sign of homosexuality and use that to justify honor killings. For example, military groups targeted men with the Western “emo” style which they thought was feminine and murdered them for being gay.

It is no secret to gender-critical feminists that the hatred of gay men is connected to the hatred of women. A man who has sex with another man is “like a woman” (especially if he is the one penetrated) and in patriarchy, a woman is the worst thing to be. Therefore men who “behave” like women by having sex with men or dressing like women or basically doing anything misogynists find womanly are deserving of death.

Homosexuality also threatens the patriarchy because it changes the atmosphere of the family. Men have power over the women in their lives, especially their wives within the domestic area. They affirm themselves through this control and use things like honor killings as a way to display their masculinity to other people. Since homosexuality changes the domestic relationship, it shows other men a situation where they do not have the same power, and that frightens them.

Honors killings against women and gay men are perpetrated by men. Sometimes, older women in a family, especially in-laws, will condone and assist in the killing. However, I cannot find any reported incidents of only women performing an honor killing.

Why don’t we discuss honor killings more?

People do discuss honor killings, but often in the wrong way. They are used to criticize Islam and Muslims (which is fair, given that many Muslim men use their religion to justify the killings) but this leaves out victims who are not Muslims and more importantly ignores the problem of patriarchy.

Western men want to believe they would not do something so “barbaric” but the statistics say otherwise. The hatred of women is global so we need to talk about honor killings with this in mind. Of course we should be extremely critical of this problem in Iraq but without looking patriarchy in the face, we cannot have that proper criticism.

We need to look at the problem realistically, using physical facts:

Women, from birth, are placed lower in society than men.

Women who defy men through almost any action must be “punished.”

This manifests in male violence against women, including murders/honor killings.

This violence is permitted by culture. In Iraq, it is even protected by law.

Men who are thought to be like women are also subject to this violence.

Without seriously talking about these problems, the violence is not going to end. We cannot treat the manifestations of patriarchy without taking apart patriarchy as an entire system.

[teachanarchy]

RESPONDING AS A BYSTANDER

What’s worse than being targeted with harassment because of your race, sex, religion, color, gender, size, orientation, disability, age, or origin? Being targeted while surrounded by bystanders who see what is happening, but then do nothing.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

At this moment in history, we are witnessing a spike in public harassment, bias incidents, and hate violence. As bystanders, we need to be especially vigilant and aware of what harassment, bias incidents, and hate violence look like in order to be able to stand up and intervene at a time when people need it most.

What are the Five d’s?

Hollaback! partnered with the bystander program Green Dot to develop tools to help you intervene when you see harassment happen on the street and in other public spaces. We’ve got guidance for you in the form of the Five D’s.

You can make a choice to actively and visibly take a stand against harassment. The Five D’s are different methods you can use to support someone who’s being harassed, emphasize that harassment is not okay, and demonstrate to people in your life that they too have the power to make the community safer.

Direct

You may want to directly respond to harassment by naming what is happening or confronting the harasser. This tactic can be risky: the harasser may redirect their abuse towards you and may escalate the situation. Before you decide to respond directly, assess the situation: Are you physically safe? Is the person being harassed physically safe? Does it seem unlikely that the situation will escalate? Can you tell if the person being harassed wants someone to speak up? If you can answer yes to all of these questions, you might choose a direct response.

If you choose to directly intervene, some things you can say to the harasser are:

“That’s inappropriate, disrespectful, not okay, etc.”

“Leave them alone.”

“That’s homophobic, racist, (insert type of harassment), etc.”

The most important thing here is to keep it short and succinct. Try not engage in dialogue, debate, or an argument, since this is how situations can escalate. If the harasser responds, try your best to assist the person who was targeted instead of engaging with the harasser.

Direct intervention can be risky, so use this one with caution.

DISTRACT

Distraction is a subtler and more creative way to intervene. The aim here is simply to derail the incident by interrupting it. The idea is to ignore the harasser and engage directly with the person who is being targeted. Don’t talk about or refer to the harassment. Instead, talk about something completely unrelated. You can try the following:

Pretend to be lost. Ask for the time. Pretend you know the person being harassed. Talk to them about something random and take attention off of the harasser.

Get in the way. Continue what you were doing, but get between the harasser and the target.

Accidentally-on-purpose spill your coffee or make a commotion.

Of course, read the situation and choose your Distract method accordingly. The person who is being targeted will likely catch on, and hopefully your act or statement will de-escalate the situation.

DELEGATE

Delegation is when you ask for assistance, for a resource, or for help from a third party.  Here are examples of what you can do:

Find the store supervisor, bus driver, or a transit employee and ask them to intervene.

If you’re near a school, contact a teacher or someone at the front desk. On a college campus, contact campus security or someone at the front desk of a university building.

Get your friend on board and have them use one of the methods of Distraction (eg. asking for the time, directions, or striking up a conversation unrelated to the harassment) to communicate with the person being harassed while you find someone to delegate to.

Speak to someone near you who notices what’s happening and might be in a better position to intervene. Work together.

Call 311 or 911 (if it is safe) to request help. Before contacting 911, use Distract to check in with the person being targeted to make sure they want you to do this. Some people may not be comfortable or safe with the intervention of law enforcement. For many people and communities, a history of being mistreated by law enforcement has led to fear and mistrust of police interventions, and under the current climate, there are many communities, such as undocumented individuals, who may feel less safe in the hands of police. In certain situations, you may not be able to get to the person in which case, depending on the situation, you will need to use your best judgement.

Delay

Even if you can’t act in the moment, you can make a difference for the person who has been harassed by checking in on them after the fact. Many types of harassment happen in passing or very quickly, in which case you can wait until the situation is over and speak to the person who was targeted then. Here are some ways to actively use the tactic of Delay:

Ask them if they’re okay and tell them you’re sorry that happened to them.

Ask them if there’s any way you can support them.

Offer to accompany them to their destination or sit with them for awhile.

Share resources with them and offer to help them make a report if they want to.

If you’ve documented the incident, ask them if they want you to send it to them.

Document

It can be really helpful to record an incident as it happens to someone, but there are a number of things to keep in mind to safely and responsibly document harassment.

First, assess the situation. Is anyone helping the person being harassed? If not, use one of the other four D’s.

If someone else is already helping out, assess your own safety. If you are safe, go ahead and start recording. A few tips:

Most importantly, ALWAYS ask the person who was harassed what they want to do with the recording. NEVER post it online or use it without their permission. There are several reasons for this. Being harassed or violated is already a disempowering experience. Using an image or footage of a person being  victimized without that person’s consent can make the person feel even more powerless. If the documentation goes viral, it can lead to further victimization and a level of visibility that the person may not want. Also, posting footage without a victim’s consent makes their experience public – something that can lead to a whole host of legal issues, especially if the act of harassment or violence was in some way criminal. They may be forced to engage with the legal system in a way that they are not comfortable with. Lastly, the experience could have been traumatic. Publicizing another person’s traumatic experience without their consent is no way to be an effective and helpful bystander.

Make sure to keep a safe distance.

Film landmarks (e.g. a street sign or subway platform sign or car number).

Clearly state the date and time that you are filming.

Hold the camera steady and hold important shots for at least 10 seconds.

* A note about safety: We don’t ever want you to get hurt trying to help someone out. Always think about safety and consider possibilities that are unlikely to put you or anyone else in harm’s way.

You Are Powerful

Remember, everyone can do something. At this time in our history, it is even more important that we show up for one another as active bystanders. Research shows that even a knowing glance can significantly reduce trauma for the person who is targeted. One of the most important things we can do is to let the person who is targeted know, in some way, however big or small, that they are not alone.

Sharing Your Story

Once you’ve acted, share your story on Hollaback! You’ll inspire others to take action, and give hope to people who experience harassment on the regular that there are folks out there ready to have their backs.

With Love and Revolution: Bystander Intervention

More BYSTANDER Tactics

In addition to responding in the moment, there are other steps you can take to change culture and prevent violence in your community.

You can fight harassment in your day-to-day life. There are plenty of ways to do that.

Sign the pledge to do your part to have people’s back when you witness harassment.

Support folks on Hollaback!. Read some of the Hollaback blog posts and let folks know you’ve got their back.

Become a HeartMobber and practice bystander intervention online. Sign up at HeartMob to become a HeartMobber and learn how to support people facing online harassment.

Share the love on social media. The more people out there that know we exist, the more impact we have. Invite your Facebook friends to our Facebook page, give @ihollaback a shout-out on Twitter, and follow and re-post us on Instagram.

Any time you see someone practicing bystander intervention, tell them they’re awesome! A little positive reinforcement goes a long way.

If you’ve got a little more time to give, you can learn up or contribute.

Read all the research about harassment you can get your hands on.

Get the word out about Hollaback!’s work and mission! Contact holla@ihollaback.org for details on how you can raise awareness about harassment at your next event or party and get some cool Hollaback! swag in the process.

Got a lot more time? Start organizing.

Find a Hollaback! in your community and volunteer.

Launch a Hollaback! in your community if there are no Hollaback! chapters near you.

Organize an action using our Holla! How-To guides.

BACKGROUND ON GREEN DOT’S GOT YOUR BACK CAMPAIGN

The specific application of Green Dot to harassment is a collaborative between Hollaback! and the awesome folks at Green Dot, etc.

[ntrending]

The best tech for working from home

New Post has been published on https://nexcraft.co/the-best-tech-for-working-from-home/

The best tech for working from home

With a changing economy, more flexible job roles, and the continued spread of broadband internet, more and more of us are working from home. According to the most recent statistics, more than five percent of the U.S. workforce spends at least part of their office hours at home.

While this habit lets us avoid the stress of commuting and spend all day in sweatpants, the consequences aren’t all positive. With so many distractions at home, and no manager looming nearby, productivity can take a hit. To avoid this, we rounded up some apps and tools to help you stay on task. Include some of these in your home office setup to raise your productivity and motivation levels.

If you work best with a constant murmur in the background, you’ll find plenty of white-noise apps to provide that hum. We’ve selected two reasonably-priced favorites.

Noisli ($2 for Android and iOS, free for the web app) is our top pick. It produces a wide variety of sounds—from morning coffee-shop clatter to a stormy forest to simple white noise—that you can combine and customize. Pick the noises you want to hear, and the relative volumes you’d like them to play at, and Noisli does the rest. For instance, you might choose a loud whoosh of blowing leaves with just a faint hint of rain in the background. The app also offers several preset sounscapes designed to help with relaxation or productivity.

On the more expensive side, we also like Brain.fm ($7 per month or $47 per year for Android, iOS, and the web). Although it’s pricier and less customizable than Noisli, it still offers a decent number of sounds, from nature noises to electro. And Brain.fm claims that its original AI-created tracks can actually optimize your brainwaves to improve your cognitive function, helping you focus, relax, or drift off to sleep. Your mileage may vary, but I found the app to be very effective when I tested it out. If you’re still leery, you get five free sessions to test out Brain.fm before you commit to paying.

Where does all the time go? With no boss around to check when you start work or take a break (or three), your routine can quickly stagnate. That’s why you need an app to help you keep track of how you’re spending your time.

One of the most impressive time-tracking apps we’ve encountered is Toggl (free for Android, iOS, and the web, with premium subscriptions for $7 to $20 per month). It syncs across multiple devices, produces useful reports analyzing your schedule, and lets freelancers see which clients help them make the most money. What really makes Toggl stand out, though, is its ease of use. You can set it up in minutes, tracking your time with just a few taps or clicks. If you forget to note particular tasks when you start them, you can return later to edit this information. Many of these features come free, but for bonuses like advanced reports and automated reminders, you’ll need to pay for a premium subscription.

Although it’s our favorite, Toggl isn’t the only good time-tracking app out there. We also like Hours (free for iOS, $8 per month for web access). Unfortunately, this intuitive and comprehensive time-tracker only has a free version for iOS. Web access requires a premium subscription, which also gives you extra features like more reporting options and syncing across multiple devices.

At home, you’re surrounded by temptations like your snack-filled kitchen, potential Netflix binges, and, of course, the ever-present siren song of your smartphone. You need help tuning out these distractions in order to stay on track.

First, we’d like to flag Forest (free with in-app purchases for Android, $2 for iOS), which aims to keep you off your smartphone. It relies on a simple but effective motivation: The longer you avoid your device, the bigger the app’s digital forest grows. As virtual trees multiply, Forest rewards you with coins that you can spend to support the planting of real trees. This not only reduces your phone use, but also helps the planet at the same time.

For a more comprehensive method of avoiding distractions, we like Freedom ($7 per month or $30 per year for Windows, macOS, Android, and iOS). It actively prevents you from accessing pre-selected websites and apps, such as distracting social media or smartphone games. In other words, it locks you out of non-work programs until you’ve finished your tasks. Unfortunately, if you’re determined to do so, you can simply disable Freedom and cheat. But you might find that it creates enough of a barrier to derail your proposed Facebook binge and encourage you to do something productive instead.

All work and no play is a recipe for burnout: If you don’t take the odd breather, your productivity will experience diminishing returns. A simple tool like the free online Pomodoro Tracker builds breaks into your schedule. It reminds you to take five minutes of rest for every 25 minutes of work, and you can also adjust these parameters to split your time differently.

You should use those break minutes to refresh your brain. The highly-rated meditation app Headspace ($8 to $13 per month for Android, iOS, and the web) can help you be more intentional about downtime. It takes you carefully through a host of beginner-friendly guided meditations, from short single sessions to longer courses. You can pick the topics that suit your needs, such as relieving stress or increasing focus, and the time periods that fit into your schedule. You get a limited number of basic meditations for free, and then if those work for you, you can pay for a subscription to unlock the entire Headspace library.

If you’d prefer distraction to meditation, why not rest your eyes while listening to a podcast? Google Podcasts (free for Android) and Apple Podcasts (free for iOS) both give you free access to a wealth of audio content. Learning about completely non-work-related topics—podcasts cover everything from life hacks to television shows—will give you a chance to rest and reset, so you can tackle your tasks afresh when you head back into the home office.

Even when you’re not in the office, you need to stay in touch with your colleagues. So apps that connect you with other members of your team are an essential part of working from home.

For your audio and video calls, we recommend Skype (free for Android, iOS, Windows, and macOS). This classic web caller works efficiently and intuitively, and it also boasts lots of useful features like text chat, group video calls, screen sharing, and file transfers. Because Microsoft owns it, the app integrates neatly with other Microsoft services—for example, you can access Skype directly from the Outlook web portal.

And for more granular communications, you can’t beat the ubiquitous chat app Slack (free or $7 to $13 per month for Android, iOS, the web, Windows, and macOS), which aims to reduce our reliance on email. It has gained widespread popularity for its ease of use, ability to switch seamlessly between private direct messaging and open chat rooms, and integration with other work services like Google Docs and Trello. It can even make audio calls. However, for it to function as your virtual office, you’ll have to convince your organization to sign up the whole team for accounts. Although you can get Slack’s basic chat features for free, you’ll have to pay $7 to $12.50 a month for access to the entire message archive, unlimited searches, and other premium features.

Besides the apps we’ve mentioned, you can also modify your physical home-office setup. A more comfortable working situation will make you more productive—and less vulnerable to distractions.

For your comfort and your health, you should make sure your chair and desk help you sit without straining your body. For example, keep your screen at eye level to avoid damaging your neck and back. No matter what type of computer you own, a basic stand like the SimpleHouseware Metal Desk Monitor Stand ($21 on Amazon) can help keep everything in alignment. And for a real upgrade, consider building a custom computer desk designed to help you sit ergonomically.

In addition to your computer, you probably have a few other gadgets on that desk. You’ll want to keep them all charged to make sure a dead battery doesn’t make you miss a call from the boss. A multi-port charger like the Anker 60W USB Wall Charger ($26 on Amazon) can help. It lets you juice up to six devices at once using the ubiquitous USB port standard.

Finally, illuminating your workspace is essential for both staying focused and reducing strain on your eyes. You can pick any lamp that fits your tastes and needs, but we like the Lampat LED Desk Lamp ($30 on Amazon) because it’s not too expensive, and it comes with yet another USB charging port.

Written By David Nield

[thegloober]

Another Lost Season for Greg Bird [2018 Season Review]

Thoughts following Didi Gregorius’ Tommy John surgery

The 2018 season ended far earlier than we all would’ve liked. Now that the season is over, it’s time to begin our annual season review series, which kicks off today with Greg Bird. Aside from post a day Monday through Friday, there is no set schedule for these posts. We’ll write about players when we feel like writing about them, so each day’s review post will be a surprise (even to us!).

(Adam Hunger/Getty)

This was supposed to be the year. The year Greg Bird finally stayed healthy and took over as the Yankees’ first baseman of the present and future. Injuries sabotaged him in 2016 (shoulder surgery) and 2017 (ankle surgery), though we did get a reminder of what Bird is capable of last October, when he hit .244/.426/.512 (151 wRC+) with three home runs and 12 walks in 13 postseason games.

Who can forget Bird’s home run against Andrew Miller in ALDS Game Three last year? Aside from Didi Gregorius’ three-run home run in the Wild Card Game, the Yankees didn’t have a bigger hit all season.

? Bird’s postseason performance combined with the perpetual hope that This Is The Year Greg Bird Stays Healthy had everyone excited coming into this season. I’m not the biggest Greg Bird fan out there but he has Yankee Stadium friendly pull power plus military style plate discipline. The Yankees didn’t need him to be their best (or second best, or third best, or even fourth best) hitter. He was expected to be a strong complementary piece.

Instead, for the third straight season, we were left disappointed. First it was another injury, then it was poor performance. Bird hit .199/.286/.386 (81 wRC+) with eleven home runs in (a career high!) 311 big league plate appearances in 2018. Not only did Luke Voit steal away the first base job in August, Bird didn’t even get a spot on the postseason roster. The Yankees carried six bench players on the Wild Card Game roster. Bird was not one of them. He wasn’t on the ALDS roster either. His potential to poke a ball into the short porch was deemed not necessary. Ouch.

Unfortunately, this year’s Greg Bird season review is like the last two. He was hurt, he didn’t live up to expectations, and we’re left wondering what the future holds. And, moreso than at any point before, it seems Bird may no longer be in the Yankees’ long-term plans. They love the guy, they’ve made it clear these last few years, but things don’t always play out as hoped. Let’s look back at Bird’s season.

Another Year, Another Injury

Bird did not even make it out of Spring Training healthy. He finished last season and the postseason healthy, had his first normal offseason in several years, and then his ankle started acting up again. Bird was held out of a Grapefruit League game on March 24th with inflammation in his right foot and sent to see a specialist. Two days later, the Yankees announced he needed surgery to remove a bone spur. The recovery time: 6-8 weeks.

“He was really emotional the other day when he came out, when he was dealing with the pain. Because he knows, obviously, he hasn’t gotten to put it together yet,” said Aaron Boone after the surgery was announced. “And he understands in his mind what kind of player he is and what he thinks he can be. So there were a couple days of some real frustration: ‘What’s going on? What’s the problem?’ … (He) got some closure and feels like this could be the answer to the problem, even though it’s going to cost him some weeks on the front end of the season.”

The initial injury was fairly concerning because Bird had surgery on the ankle last year and there was no play that caused the new injury. He played a full nine-inning game at first base and had discomfort the next day. Those non-contact injuries are always the worst. The Yankees sent him for tests, which revealed the bone spur. A quick recap of Bird’s surgeries:

2016: Missed entire season with right shoulder injury.

2017: Missed three and a half months with right ankle surgery.

2018: Missed roughly two months with right ankle surgery.

Bird had his surgery and was shut down six weeks before beginning a minor league rehab assignment. I remember being pretty stoked that he returned to game action on the low end of that 6-8 week rehab time frame. Bird hit .205/.367/.436 (132 wRC+) with three home runs in his 12 rehab games and rejoined the Yankees on May 26th, two months to the day after it was announced he needed surgery.

All things considered, Bird’s injury and rehab went about as well as everyone could’ve hoped. The injury was unfortunate and the fact he needed surgery stunk, but Bird completed his rehab in six weeks and showed power and patience during his rehab assignment, and that was encouraging. I naively thought the ankle surgery would only be a bump in the road and not a season-derailer. Bottom line though, two surgeries on the same ankle within 12 months is bad news.

A Troubling Decline in Contact Quality

To Bird’s credit, he initially played well after returning from the disabled list. He went 7-for-28 (.280) with two doubles and two homers in his first six games back, and he also had a two-homer game against the Red Sox on June 29th. During his best stretch of the season, from June 29th to July 29th, Bird hit .286/.357/.548 (138 wRC+) with six home runs in 23 games. Who knew? It happened though.

Once the calendar flipped to August, Bird’s production cratered. He hit .135/.210/.260 (26 wRC+) the rest of the season and lost his first base job to Voit. The nosedive in graph form:

Bird started only three games in September — one of those three was the meaningless Game 161 after the Yankees clinched homefield advantage in the Wild Card Game — and appeared in only seven of the team’s final 27 regular season games. He was healthy. He just stunk and didn’t deserve a lineup spot. “It’s frustrating. It sucks to suck,” he said in August.

“Performance matters. The matchups matter,” said Boone late in the season when asked about Bird being mostly glued to the bench. “(I’m) trying to keep both guys relevant and put both guys in positions to succeed as best we can. But I would say it’s a fluid situation … If we can get (Bird) going in the right direction, I’m positive he can not only help us down the stretch, but, hopefully, if we get into the playoffs.”

Watch enough baseball and you’re bound to see a talented player struggle for a long stretch of time. Everyone falls into a rut now and then, you know? Bird’s slump was beyond a normal baseball slump, however. He was struggling and he looked terrible while doing it. This wasn’t one of those “eventually one of these hard-hit balls will fall in” slumps, you know? I keep going back to this GIF:

That is a middle-middle 90 mph fastball and Bird swung through it like it was 99 mph. He could not catch up to fastballs all season. Bird hit .175 with a .174 ISO against fastballs this season (.278 wOBA and .319 xwOBA). That is horrible. The league averages are .269 and .175 (.344 and .344), respectively. Bird couldn’t handle even bad fastballs, opponents noticed, so they kept throwing him fastballs. MLB is unforgiving. Show a weakness and it will be attacked.

When he first broke into the big leagues, Bird was touted for his ability to hit the ball hard and get the ball in the air. He was a launch angle guy before launch angle was cool. The sample sizes are not big because of the injuries, but Bird’s ability to drive the ball in the air is trending in the wrong direction:

Average Exit Velocity 2015: 93.0 mph 2016: Injured 2017: 89.7 mph 2018: 86.9 mph

Average Launch Angle 2015: 21.3° 2016: Injured 2017: 20.2° 2018: 18.9°

I should note that an 18.9° average exit velocity is pretty good. You want to average somewhere in the 10° to 25° range, the closer to 25° the better. Below 10° means too many grounders and above 25° means more fly balls and pop-ups than line drives. Bird is still in that ideal range, but his launch angle is trickling down, and his exit velocity is way down. He simply did not hit the ball hard this past season.

Remember Allen Craig? Craig put up a .312/.364/.500 (139 wRC+) batting line in nearly 1,300 plate appearances from 2011-13, then he suffered an ankle injury in 2014 and was just done. Like done done. Hasn’t played in the big league since 2015 and didn’t even hit in Triple-A pitching from 2015-17. Craig lost that explosiveness in his lower half after the injury and just couldn’t hit any more. He didn’t have a good base underneath him. His swing was all arms. I worry about that with Bird.

“I think he’s over it and past it, but I think there’s a level of building up that stamina and explosion and the fact that you’re still recovering from a surgery,” said Boone about Bird a few weeks ago. “I don’t think there’s any question that if he can stay healthy, a month from now, six months from now, it’s better, it’s more explosive. That’s something that we kind of monitor, talk about and hopefully he can get through this while building up that stamina that makes him special when he’s really on time and impacting the ball.”

Bird has now had three surgeries in the last three years on two important body parts. His right shoulder had to be rebuild and his right ankle had to be repaired twice. That’s his front shoulder and front ankle when hitting. That’s the power shoulder and the weight transfer ankle. Pretty important! It’s not like he tore a finger ligament or pulled a hamstring. These have been some very serious injuries.

We’ve seen Bird be an impact hitter. For very short stretches of time, but we’ve seen it. The natural talent is there and it’s not like he’s an older player. He turns 26 in November. He should be in his prime or just about to enter it. Can Bird still be an impact hitter, physically? Or have the shoulder and ankle trouble compromised him too much? I hope that’s not the case, but it might be.

What’s Next?

The Yankees went into the 2017 and 2018 seasons counting on Bird to be the man at first base. It was his job and he never even had to compete for it. That is not the case now. During his end-of-season press conference last week Boone was quick to note Voit had won the first base job and that, at best, Bird would get a chance to compete for it in Spring Training next year.

“(Voit) certainly came over here and was given that opportunity and took it and kicked the door in,” said Boone. “I’m sure there will continue to be competition on all kinds of levels. The one thing with Greg that I never lost is we’ve seen him be an impact player at times in his career … This year, in a lot of ways, was a little bit of a lost season for him.”

Believe it or not, Bird is arbitration-eligible this winter. He accrued service time while on the disabled list these last few years. Those injuries and the lack of production mean Bird’s salary won’t be exorbitant — for what it’s worth, MLBTR projects Bird for $1.5M — so the Yankees won’t non-tender him or anything like that. Bird has all three minor league options remaining. Technically, he was called up in 2015 and hasn’t been sent down to the minors since. It’s been rehab assignments only.

Point is, Bird is going to be (relatively) cheap and the Yankees will be able to send him to Triple-A next season. At this point, that’s probably the best course of action. No more handing him a job, no more overvaluing a big Spring Training, nothing. Give Bird a look in Spring Training, send him to Triple-A and make him show he’s healthy and productive, then call him back up. That’d be my plan.

When it comes to Greg Bird, nothing would surprise me at this point. I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up to camp next season, seized the first base job, and raked all summer. I wouldn’t be surprised if he got hurt again and was a non-factor (again). I wouldn’t be surprised if he did something in-between, which is kinda what happened in 2017. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Yankees traded him either. This past season was another lost year for Bird, and time is starting to run out for him to carve out a role in the Bronx.

Thoughts following Didi Gregorius’ Tommy John surgery

Source: https://bloghyped.com/another-lost-season-for-greg-bird-2018-season-review/

[ninety-three-million-miles]

“Human cruelty can be infinite. Human generosity can be boundless.”

Original Post: 

It’s been seven hours since my first class ended and I still feel just physically wrong.

From under the “Core Values” header for the department that hosts my counseling grad program:

“Multiculturalism and Social Justice: We believe in developing leaders, educators, counselors, and therapists who will advocate for equity and inclusion in the professional settings in which they serve. We believe in challenging all forms of discrimination, including race, class, gender, disability, sexual orientation, religion, in our local, national, and global community and in working as change agents to undermine oppression.“

I feel so naïve. I believed that with no hesitation.

Today, Counseling Theories class: fifteen students. We’re discussing our values as individuals, and how it is ethically critical that as counselors, we do not attempt to impart our values on our clients. Our professor asks us to partner off and take a look at the following slide, showing possible types of people we could easily encounter throughout our careers, and discuss where our ability to be neutral reaches its limits.

Some items are repeated on the slide, but here’s what it lists:

adolescent girl who wants to explore her feelings about whether to have an abortion

gay or lesbian couple who want to explore their relationship problems and/or who want to discuss their desire to adopt a child

person who is troubled over an extramarital affair but is not ready to give up the relationship

person who has a great deal of hostility towards any form of religion

person who has extremely strong fundamentalist beliefs

person whose basic value system includes the attempt to use and exploit others for [their] own personal gain

a friend who wants you to “fix” their troubled marriage or relationship with [their] child

white supremacist who opposes any “mixing” of ethnic groups

a drug dealer who is court-ordered to therapy

teenager who is having unsafe sex with several partners and sees no problem with his behavior

middle school student who wants to explore her sexual orientation

someone who has told you he has put a person in the hospital from a violent assault and is not remorseful

interracial couple wanting to adopt a child and being faced with their respective parents’ opposition to adoption

person who angrily opposes the policies of the US government

parent who wants to discuss the importance of “capital punishment” for [their] child

court-ordered convicted pedophile

other???

The person I partner with looks at that list, and one of the two groups where they said they saw an insurmountable conflict with their values was.. the LGBT couple. And when the class was sharing their different challenge areas, another student said the same thing. When she did, four additional students nodded along emphatically. Both my partner and the student who spoke up in front of the class specified that they wouldn’t be comfortable meeting with these hypothetical people because they are morally opposed to non-heterosexuality, and because being around LGBT people makes them “very uncomfortable.”

They looked at a list that included a pedophile, a sociopath, a white supremacist, and a child abuser, and they drew the line at two women who were in love.

In response, the professor was just super understanding of that and did absolutely nothing beyond unreservedly validating those students’ qualms.

On the first day of this class, this professor also mentioned that we have these online forum/discussion assignments with our other students. and she was telling an anecdote of how things got really nasty with a former class. Evidently, one female student was talking about her personal experience with a topic and she said “my wife” in passing. And another student commented on her post saying that she disagreed with the first student’s ~lifestyle choices~ etc.

The professor’s commentary on that situation was that she didn’t know who was more in the wrong. She wasn’t sure if it was inappropriate for the female student to mention her wife because it made another student “uncomfortable”— a student who then proceeded to attack her in a public forum, derailing the conversation about counseling theory that was supposed to be taking place. And the professor thought that both students shared equal responsibility for how the interaction soured.

This one class session has changed my whole feeling about the course, if not the entire program — because I’m evidently back in a place where who i am as a person is a polarizing political statement. I thought I left that behind for the most part when I left Texas, when I chose a school whose program specifically identifies addressing and eradicating discrimination and oppression as part of its core values.

All of this on the heels of a weekend spent in Texas, where my first night was supposed to be a relaxing casual get-together of my brother’s friends and whatnot. And the topic turned to how multiple people at the table believed non-heterosexuality was a sin. And to one of my brother’s friends bragging — bragging — that his pastor was one of the people who signed the fucking Nashville statement. And my brother, who knows everything, who used to support me before changing his mind and deciding that being bisexual was a sin, of course said nothing. Did nothing. I shut the fuck down.

The entire duration of that three-hour class, I was shaking. I could feel my heart hammering for hours. It was all I could do to keep from crying in front of everyone. I just feel so fucking stupid. I really thought that by moving away from Texas, by moving out of my parents’ place, that I was putting the majority of this behind me. I assumed that this program was a safe space because that’s how it advertised itself. I assumed that being a remorselessly malicious person, an abuser, or someone full of ignorance and hatred would be seen as more difficult than being someone like me.

I am reminded that I still have no sense of community. I don’t even have most of my friends right now. I have no therapist. And the only LGBT person I have ever really been close to is my ex-girlfriend, who is happily in a relationship on the other side of the country. My boyfriend is as supportive of possible, and I appreciate him so much for that, but right now that feels like a pebble in an ocean when I need an island.

I feel tired and alone and unlovable. And it’s week three of classes.

Message from a total stranger (nightowllucas):

I'm so sorry you had a horrible couple of days, and I'm even more sorry to say that you'll probably have to get through other situations like this in the future, though probably not as much as in Texas (considering what I've heard of it, since I'm not even american). I'm nowhere near an expert in this, but I really believe you should look for LGBT friendly spaces and get to know people in the community, I'm not sure if you are able to due to social anxiety or maybe other problems, but the sense of community you'll get from them really helps in a situation like this, even if they're just someone you could vent to that will understand where you're coming from. Some gays/lesbians might be prejudiced because you are in a straight relationship, I've heard too many stories about this to disregard it as a possible issue, but I believe (I have to) that you will find people who you can bond with.

Other than that, is there a way to make a formal complaint at your school regarding what happened? I mean, this situation/professor is going against against their core values, so maybe something will come out of it? As a gay man, I'm way too disbelieving in the world, but it doesn't hurt to try, specially if you can do it anonymously. If nothing can be done I'd say you have to look after yourself and consider if you can continue studying there of it is gonna bring you problems (i.e mental health)

If you need to, feel free to reach out to me in the future, even if it's just to talk things out. Here's hoping you'll be able to get through this, follow the career you want and help as many people as possible as a councelor. 

My response: 

Holy shit. Thank you so much. This is so unbelievably kind. I’m honestly floored.. I can’t believe you took the time to type all of this out for a total stranger.

I emailed my professor at like 5 this morning because I hadn’t fallen asleep yet asking if we could meet (she has no office hours) and she hasn’t yet responded. I don’t expect that meeting to be particularly productive, but I feel like before I can go to a higher level (administration for my program, something of the like), I ought to try and resolve this directly first. I’m just still kind of reeling. And I was agonizing for hours over whether or not it was even appropriate for me to set up a meeting to express my concerns and clarify my expectations for conduct. Which then prompted me to get pissed off that I was debating whether or not I had the right to advocate for myself (during a lecture that was, no shit, supposed to be largely about advocacy), while the people who said those things during class didn’t think for a single second about whether or not they should consider what impact their remarks might have on other students.  

You’re definitely right about having a sense of community. I’ve always been too afraid to seek it out very directly for a few reasons (one of which is being bi, especially currently being in a relationship with a man), but I’m recognizing that I’m really going to need something like that. So I looked up my school’s LGBTQ center and they’re having a discussion group tonight. They said on the website to call the wellness center for the location, so I did. The first time I called I got hung up on... and the second time I called I was transferred to a second person who also didn't have the information... she said she would pass on my contact info to the woman running the meeting if she saw her and that she would "hopefully be able to get back to me within a day.” I even specified that it was somewhat urgent. I’ve heard nothing so far and the group is supposedly in a few hours.

Sometimes I wish I were more stereotypically/”visibly” LGBT or something. People constantly talk very openly about “people like me” to my face without realizing that they’re doing it. I know I’ll have to face people with intolerant views when working with clients, but I’d been led at every possible juncture to believe that attitudes like the ones expressed in class yesterday were not welcome among colleagues in this program. I can even understand allowing a space for students to discuss those issues without being punished for it, but I feel like it’s the faculty’s job to then invite the student to challenge their prejudices as opposed to unequivocally validating them. I can’t imagine that my professor would have responded the same way if a student had said they were unwilling to work with people of color due to a belief that they were inherently inferior/morally depraved or some such bullshit. I don’t understand why it’s okay to express those views about people like you or me. But standing up for myself in most contexts, especially in a formal one like this, is almost completely new for me (and it has NOT ended well the few times I’ve tried in the past). But I’m not okay with being quiet on this. I’m just not.

Anyway. Honestly, thank you so much. Even having one person reach out like this who has some sense of understanding (and, it sounds like, well-learned jadedness) and such remarkable compassion. 

As an aside: I'm finding that starting this counseling program has been a really good motivator for me to find effective coping strategies and productive behaviors. Like even though I feel personally incredibly overwhelmed and discouraged and a desire to isolate or be otherwise destructive, I have a harder time letting myself give into that because it goes against all of my values as an aspiring counselor, and because I can't expect my future clients to have the courage to do the tough shit if I can't even find it in myself. So that at least is a good thing.