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#and stop thinking about the.....all the Anxieties
We ain’t angry at you, love
Katie McCabe x teen!reader
trigger warnings: mentions of suicide, hospitals, grief, overall bad mental health, please don’t read if you’re not in the correct headspace 🫶
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you didn’t realise it had gotten this bad, or maybe you did and you weren’t ready to admit it.
there was something about admitting how bad things had gotten that scared you, talking about your feelings, admitting that you needed help was beyond scary.
you couldn’t tell your mam how much you were struggling, couldn’t verbalise just how much you were hurting, you didn’t want to hurt her, make her realise that despite everything she couldn’t make you better, couldn’t heal your past.
you were broken beyond repair, everything about you was entirely broken, from your head to your toes, your heart to your brain, it was all broken, your life was a mess, that only seemed to get worse and worse the more life went on.
you were only young, sixteen to be precise and yet you’d been through more than most people would in their lifetime, but your man had saved you, stopped you from drowning when you were twelve years old, she gave you a home, somewhere to feel safe, loved and cared for, you thought that feeling would last forever, that the love your mam gave you would be enough. Stop you from crumbling to your PTSD, you thought that every happy memory your mam gave you would replace every bad one, and it did for awhile at least, everything was okay, you were happy, until you weren’t.
until you started playing for Arsenal, until the hate began and undone everything you had tried your best to patch up, until the flashbacks came back and the anxiety consumed you again.
maybe you were destined for this life, this never ending cycle of pain and heartbreak.
This cycle of finally feeling better, like you wanted to live, wanted to be happy, and then the inevitable would happen, you’d crash, and the feelings would come back. Each time they did, you felt a piece of you break, another piece of you unraveling, until you were all unraveled, consumed by the weight of your mind. the tumbleweed mess of your past taking over.
it was what led you here, alone in your bathroom crouched over the sink, throwing the contents of your stomach out, bleeding out all over the once shiny white tiles.
your wrists were burning now, your scarlett blood was dripping down the bathrooms bright white tiles, you can still remember picking out those tiles with your mam, you were 13 and the bathroom was being renovated, katie let you pick out the tiles, you had spent hours deciding what ones to get, what the perfect ones were, it was something so simple and yet it was the first time you’d ever been given the choice in something, allowed to decide something on your own, at the time you hadn’t known your blood was going to pour out all over them, ruin the perfect tiles you picked out, hadn’t realised you would spent your last moments on these tiles, those white shiny tiles.
you didn’t know what had led you here today, why today was the day you’d simply had enough, why you’d finally gotten over the fear and just done it, you didn’t know why, you were just done, so fucking done.
you couldn’t breathe now you realised, you think you were dying, although you couldn’t be sure because you’d never died before.
it felt good you think, knowing that soon you’d take your last breathes, soon you’d be gone, free from the shackles of your mind, free from your past.
you had been at peace with this decision for a long time, way before you had actually done it, way before you had even came into your mind, it was always your destiny to go out this way.
Your biological mum had went out this way, after one to many lashing from your father, days later your father had went the same way, blade to the wrist, just like you were now, you had found him, slumpt up against the bathroom door, just like you were now, it was always what was supposed to happen you realised, you weren’t made for the fame, strangers weren’t supposed to know your name, you weren’t supposed to feel the love that Katie had given you, that wasn’t your destiny, this was.
you’d spent to long pretending it was, pretending that everything was fine, that this wasn’t how you were supposed to go, sometimes you had even believed it, believed that you were going to be okay, some days you truly believed you could live this life, live a life of fame, happiness, love and then it would all come crushing down, and you’d be harshly reminded off your fate.
-
you thought you were gone, thought it was all over, but then you heard the beeping, loud obnoxious beeps, this wasn’t death, wasn’t hell or heaven, no this was something else.
this wasn’t where you were supposed to be, no you were supposed to be gone, you should be gone you did everything right, you didn’t exactly what your late mother had done and your father, they had gone, they got to leave and yet you hadn’t.
no you were still here you realised, you were in a dimly lit hospital room, the beeping becoming more clear, the soft snores of caitlin in the background, this was not the end.
this was much worse you realised, you had failed, you had failed yet again, if your father was here to see he would have laughed at your failure, he probably sneering at you right now, wherever he was, wherever you go when you die.
you didn’t want to open your eyes, if you opened your eyes it would all become real, what you had tried to do, you’d have to your mams heartbreak, you’d have to go to therapy and talk and talk, you couldn’t do that.
you were to scared, terrified in fact, you didn’t want to be here you couldn’t here.
you were getting truly distressed now, your heartbeat increasing, the beeping was getting louder now, doctors came rushing in trying to calm you.
“hey darling, it’s okay can you breathe for me sweetheart” you hear your mams calming essence, her usual accent thick with emotion.
slowly you opened your eyes, staring back at you were your mams bright green eyes, they were glossed all over, her eyes bag prominent.
you had done this you realised, you’d destroyed your mam, broken her heart.
“M’ sorry” you managed to croak out, your voice cracking slightly.
because you were sorry, you didn’t realise how upset your ma would be, you figured she’d get over it, you’d only been in her life a short time, you didn’t think she’d be so upset.
“you don’t need to be sorry baby i’m just glad your okay” katie replied, giving you a soft smile.
you could see the hurt in her eyes, you weren’t stupid, you knew it wasn’t okay.
“no i’m sorry ma I’m sorry for coming into your life and fucking up all your plans i’m so fucking sorry.”
you watch as your mams face falls, her shoulder drops, and the tears well back up again.
“No y/n you are the best to ever happen to me, i love you and i need you here with me, at home and healthy, you don’t need to be sorry for anything” she tells you, the urgency in her voice becoming more evident.
you shake your head “no i ruined your life i ruin everything i touch you should have let me died ma.”
“No baby, you didn’t” she replies quietly, her words remain in the air for a while.
you could hear the sincerity in her voice, it didn’t change how you felt though, maybe to her you hadn’t ruined her life, but to you, and everyone round her you had ruined her life.
“y/n before i met you, i was lost, i wasn’t me, i had lost myself and then u became your mam and suddenly everything was okay again, i found my purpose, my purpose was to be your mam to make you happy and healthy, you changed my life yes, but you changed it for the better, every single day i wake up and thank god that you came into my life, you’re my baby girl y/n and i love you.”
Her words hit you like a truck, you hadn’t known you were crying until Katie reached down to your cheek to wipe them away.
You didn’t want to live, or so you had thought, and then you heard katie’s words, and all of a sudden maybe living in wasn’t quite so bad.
“i don’t know what to do ma, i’m scared, and I’m all alone i don’t think i can be me again” you cried out, your words were almost unrecognisable.
“You can do it, you have me, Caitlin, your teammates, you can baby you are so strong” Katie tells you, hugging you tightly, she wishes she could hold onto you forever, wishes you both could just stay like this, where she could keep you safe and away from the whirlwind of your mind.
“go to sleep baby, once you wake up, we can talk some more, it’s all going to be okay i promise.”
and you believed her, maybe it will all be okay, maybe you can do this, you can face this, maybe just maybe your destiny isn’t the same as your mothers or father.
-
you didn’t wake up.
you never woke up again.
you had a seizure and your heart stopped, you died, you never got to hear Katie’s next words.
you weren’t given the chance to get better.
you didn’t get to see your full potential.
you didn’t get to achieve everything you always wanted to.
you never got live out that bright future everyone always told you that you had.
you didn’t get to finish school.
you didn’t get to sign your first pro contract, like you had always dreamed off.
all of those things never happened.
because you killed yourself, on them bright white tiles, in your bathroom floor, just like your mother and father had once.
-
Katie’s eyes snapped open, pulling the covers away from her body, scrambling out of bed, walking towards your bedroom, praying she’d find you, praying this was all just some kind of evil prank, that she’d find you safe and sound asleep in bed, like you should be.
your room was excatly as you left, the letters you wrote, remained untouched, katie couldn’t bear to read them, not yet at least.
your homework was left sprawled on your desk, your clothes scattered around your room, your fairy lights remained on, exactly as you left them.
to anyone else it would look like normal teenage girls bedroom.
but to Katie, it was the last thing she had left of you, the last part of you that wasn’t full of dark memories, the last thing that remained untouched form that night.
katies body trembled as she remembered that night, finding your lifeless body and blood sprawled out all over the bathroom floor, seeing your eyes that were once filled with so much light and happiness, dead and cold.
“Katie?”
Caitlin asked, leaning against the doorframe.
“you okay baby” she questioned slowly, watching as the brunette eyes frantically searched the room, looking for you.
you weren’t there.
you’d never be there again.
never.
“i had a dream of what could’ve been” she managed to choke out to her girlfriend, turning around to look at her “i miss her so much i just want my baby girl back cait” she wailed, heavy tears flowing down her cheeks.
she’d had this exact dream, every night since you had left, it had been exactly one week without you, without hearing your smile and laugh, it had a long and exhausting week.
Breaking the news to her teammates, watching as their face dropped, watching as their heart broke right in front of her.
and then there was breaking the news to the entire women’s football community, the child prodigy, the sixteen year old girl who was supposed to be Arsenals future ‘star girl’, telling the world that her daughter was gone, gone from this world, and that she would never come back.
it had been a long week of paper work, planning your funeral, she should have been planning your birthday, instead she was picking out flowers and coffins.
“it’s okay Katie, you’re allowed to cry and be upset, you can be upset for as long as you need baby” Caitlin sympathised, slowly making her way to Katie’s spot on your bed.
“she was only sixteen cait, sixteen she still had so much left to give, so much to see, she wanted to see so much and now she never will.” Katie rambled out, her words becoming almost unrecognisable.
“i know, i know, but now you get to live for her, do all the things she wanted to do caitlin replied slowly, pulling her into a bone crushing hug.
“i wish she came to me cait i could’ve helped” Katie sobbed out again.
“i know I’m so sorry baby.”
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leah-lover · 2 days
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Sketches. Mapi x Ingrid x reader.
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Summary: what happens when Ingrid and mapi discover the sketches r drew of them.
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Doom scrolling on your phone after practice was your favorite activity of the day. You would come home exhausted, throw your kitbag in the hallway, and cocoon in your coach for about an hour.
Today was no different. You got home and did the same thing. You opened TikTok, and scrolled half mindedly. One video though grabbed your attention. It was a tik tok from the official page of Barcelona where your teammates were asked to describe you in a few words.
Cata was the first to answer and she did so by describing you as quiet. It was fair you didn't talk much if at all. It's not that you weren't comfortable enough with the team, you were just a quiet person. Irene was next and she called you kind which put a smile on your face. All your teammates called you different versions of sweet, kind, funny, quiet, and shy. You found their words endearing and it almost brought you to tears. This reaction quickly went away after you heard what mapi described you. “ Talented artist.” your face turned white and your heartbeat was accelerating. Her answer was followed by Ingrid who described you as an “ impressive painter.”
You dropped your phone quickly. “ No it can't be. No no no no. Fuck!!” You got up from the couch and tried to keep yourself busy. You put away your kit bag, did laundry , cleaned the house surprisingly thoroughly. You even meal prepped. all of this so that you wouldn't think about that video, their response, and what most likely saw.
Your alarm found you awake for the first time since the champion’s league final which spoke greatly to the anxiety you were experiencing. The thought of being face to face with them knowing that they know your secret terrified you but had to go to training so you did, and your mission was to get through the day without making contact with them because if you did you would either cry or throw up and that wasn't an option.
“ Nena what's wrong?” Asked Alexia at the meeting room.
“ Nothing capi everything is good.” You say trying to contain your tears. That's when she held your hand and redirected her focus to the coach. She rubbed her thumb across your knuckles once in a while. Once the meeting was over she pulled you gently out of the room and to a different room.
“ We are not getting out of this room until you tell me what is wrong.” Alexia looked so gentle, caring and a little bit worried. But you couldn't tell her what was wrong.
“ Nena I love you and I care about you deeply. Your anxiety is clearly through the roof. Just let me help you. We decided that you would let me help, remember.” She put her hand on your shoulder and desperately waited for an answer.
Alexia was like a big sister to you. She helped you survive your time in Barca but your issue right now was within the team not the pressure or the limelight and you know there was nothing to fix it.
“ I want a transfer. I want to leave Barcelona. I want to leave. “ You close your eyes so that you won't cry.
“ It's okay pequena everything is gonna be okay. I can fix this, whatever this is I can fix it. Trust me.” She pulled you in for a hug. Your anxiety was through the roof and the voices in your head were screaming vile and scary things at you.
“ I want to leave ale. I am serious.” You try to say sturnely.
“ You are one of your best strikers. We need you now more than ever if we want to quadruple again. And we do so you are staying.” She just held you as you cried some more.
Once you calmed down you apologized to Alexia. “ I guess you aren't gonna tell me right?” she asked again.
“ It's just about a stupid video.” You tried to stop the words as they were coming out of your mouth but it was too late.
“What video?” She asked suspiciously.
“ A video posted by the Barca page. It's nothing to worry about. Sorry capi, I didn't mean to freak out.”
“ It's fine Nena if you don't feel like training you can go home. “ She proposed after realizing you won't say anything.
“ Yeah I think that is a good idea.” You went to the locker room, grabbed your bag and left. Alexia then pulled out her phone and searched for the video you were talking about. She watched it 3 times and her teamates’s answers seemed fine, but she got suspicious of mapi and Ingrid's answers so she went to talk to them.
“ Maria, Ingrid, I need to talk to you.” Demanded the captain. They complied and waited for her at the side of the pitch.
“ Where is Nena?” Asked mapi.
“ That's what I am here to talk to you about. She went home now. I just managed to calm her down but she isn't okay. She was crying and she said she wanted a transfer from this team. She also said something about a video the social media team posted. I didn't understand anything.” Mapi and Ingrid gave one another a look they both understood. They knew what troubled you and they felt bad for it.
“ Don't worry about it ale. We will make things right, I promise you.” Said Ingrid.
“So you did something wrong. You hurt her somehow” Alexia started to frown with anger.
“ Ale calm down, I will tell you everything just not now. Everything will be alright tomorrow.”
“Well it better fucking be or you will answer to me.” added the captain before leaving.
When you arrived home your head was pounding because of the crying so you headed straight to your bedroom, got under the covers and slept almost immediately, too tired to do anything else. You only woke up when your phone was buzzing under your pillow.
“ Hola” you answered without checking who is calling.
“ Hola Nena, I need you to open the door. We are standing outside.” Said a familiar voice.
You put your phone to the side and went straight to your door not realizing what you were doing.
Once you opened the door, your eyes opened wide, surprised at who was at your door. You stood there like a statue trying desperately to calm the voices in your head.
“Nena , please let us in, we need to talk to you.” said ingrid in the gentlest voice you ever heard.
You couldn't kick them out so you stepped aside and let them get in. By the time you got to the living room your heart was beating very fast, each breath was harder and harder and the walls around you started to close in on you. Mapi was the first one to notice so she came running towards you. She took your hand, guided you to the couch and started to construct you to take deep breaths.
“ I am gonna leave. Transfer window is in 2 weeks so the coach has enough time to secure a deal with a new team. Even if they dont we can fake an injury for the media and I can just stay home until the summer where we can look again for another deal. You don't have to worry about anything. I won't cause any problems i swear. . ” you say once you get your breath back.
“ nena why do you think anybody wants you to leave?” askes ingrid.
“ I know you think I am a creep, I understand that. I don't want to cause any problems within the team so I am leaving.” you try to say as calmly as you can.
“ nena we don't think you are creepy.” replied mapi. You look at them with confusion. What if you understood everything all wrong? what if you had jumped to false confusion? What if this was all a misunderstanding from you part?
“ You said in that video that I draw really well. I never showed you any of my drawings so that means that you saw them.” you try to piece everything together.
They both look at eachother hesitantly before ingrid starts talking.
“ The other day in the locker room you wanted to talk to the physio and left your ipad open, that's when I saw a drawing of myself and I zoomed out to see the full picture. I then accidentally swiped and saw that you drew a few portraits of me and mapi separately and together.” you knew that they saw the portraits, but hearing the words come out of ingrid’s mouth made the situation much worse for you. Those drawings were something sacred and intimate to you. You expressed your every thought through them. They were your safe space and they gave solace. But now they have changed into a nightmare that would force you to leave your favorite place in the world.
“ Did you see all of them?” your voice seemed to have shrunk and as you ask the question staring at the floor.
“ yes but we don't think it's creepy. We think it's beautiful that you drew us.” mapi didn't know what to say. She was afraid that she said the wrong thing and made the situation worse.
“ mapi you saw 79 portraits of you and your girlfriend on my ipad. Very detailed portraits of the two of you that I drew when I was near you in the meeting room or training or the dinner hall or even my own bedroom and you don't think that that’s a little bit sick.” you ask the question sarcastically.
“ No we don't. look we didn't come here to fight with you or reprimand you we….” you didn't let ingrid finish her sentence, you instead got up, grabbed your ipad and displayed the portraits for them.
“ You seriously don't think this portrait is creepy.” you show them a portrait you drew of them kissing. You weren't thinking of how embarrassing this moment was, you were trying to convince yourself that they hate you because it was better than the alternative. “ Look, I hate myself for this more than you could ever hate me. That's why I want to leave. I am not going to make you feel uncomfortable anymore. “
“ can you please just shut up for a moment. We don't hate you, we don't find you creepy, we liked what we saw, and we think you are very talented. Please don't turn this into something it's not. And please don't ask for a transfer.” mapi didn't mean for her words to come out like that but she couldn't stand seeing the hurt on your face.
“ Look what Maria means to say is that it's all good with us. You don't have to worry about anything and that we are sorry we brought it up in the first place.” ingrid then extended her arms and offered you a hug which you took. You hugged her and mapi again as they left your apartment. Once you found yourself alone in your house again you grabbed your ipad and smashed it to the ground cracking the screen. You left it there on the ground and went straight to bed.
While you slept soundly the couple were the ones that would stay awake late at night.
' you shouldn't have said it like that maria.’ reprimanded ingrid.
“ What did you want me to do? I couldn't just sit there and let her insult herself.” defended mapi.
“ I don't think we handled it right. We should have talked to her more.”
“ you have seen her when she closes herself off. You can't break through when she does that. Once she convinced herself with something you can't undo it. And now she convinced herself that we hate her which isn't true.”
“ We have to find a way to convince her otherwise. She can't leave.”
“ she won't, amor.”
The next day was travel day and you were the first on that bus. You sat in the front, put on your head phones and closed your eyes. The team knew from alexia not to bother you and alexia was informed by ingrid and mapi to let them handle your situation.
You didn't hear anybody get on the bus, you only realized what was happening when the bus started moving. You weren't bothered for the first 20 minutes of the ride but that didn't last long because somebody snatched an airpod from your ear.
“ No iPad today?” asked a smiling mapi who sat next to you . Ingrid sat in front of you.
“ No, I gave that up.”
“ It's a shame you were very good at it.” she responded.
“ Since when did you start drawing?” asked ingrid.
“ since I was a kid. My therapist used to encourage me to do it because I wasn't so good at expressing what i am feeling.”
“ and these drawings help you express your feelings?” you knew what ingrid was getting to and you didn't want to go there so you went for your phone to try and increase the volume of the airpod left in your ear but ingrid’s hand got to it first.
“ Yesterday we were scared that we would say the wrong thing. But today I would rather say the wrong thing than lose you nena.” what ingrid said shocked you.
“ So you were saying that drawing helps you express things right?” continues mapi.
“ yeah. I am not very good at words. I never was so I drew all the words I couldn't say. “
“ Do you have your ipad with you?” asked ingrid.
“ No, I don't have an ipad anymore i smashed it yesterday.”
“ why?”
“ because….” you were quickly interrupted by mapi “ don't you dare say it's creepy.”
A staff member interrupts your conversation by putting an envelope on the table.
“ room 1209, 3 beds like you asked.” she said looking at mapi.
“ What did you do?” you ask confused.
“ I am making sure you are not leaving.”
The bus stopped so you couldn't continue the conversation. You weren't left any room to protest the decision that was made for you as the couple were more stubborn than you are.
Once you got in the room you were hit with the reality that you were going to have to sleep in the same room as them.
“ mapi i can't stay here.”
“ why not?”
“ You know the reason why.”
“ No we dont.” said ingrid.
“ Please don't make me go through this. I promise I won't leave, just please don't make me.”
“ I don't understand why you are so upset right now. We are just going to share a room.
The couple knew that playing dumb would anger you enough that you would start talking. The melancholic look on their faces hit the nail on the head.
“ i cant be here because of the same reason i drew those fucking drawing.. I tried to get you out of my head by drawing you and fantasizing about you but i can't stay stop whatever i am feeling from coming out when i'm sleeping and you are cuddling next to me.”
“ Why would that bother you?” they continued to play on your built up anger.
“ It bothers me because I want to be in the middle of you. I want to be with you. That's why I drew you, that's why I fantasize about it and that's why I can't sleep here.” you weren't realizing what you were saying not until you said it and it hit you like a truck.
Suddenly , you see the couple moving two beds together, taking off their shoes, and laying on the bed. Ingrid then taps on the space between them calling you over.
“ you gotta be fucking kidding me?” you say.
“ We knew what you felt the day we saw you drawing but we thought we were just reaching or projecting our feelings towards you. Since yesterday we were trying to get you to admit your feelings so that we would do too but you kept on insulting yourself which was nice by the way so we resulted in playing dumb which clearly worked. “ said mapi.
“ We care about you, we don't want to lose you. We don't have to figure out everything right now so just come and lay with us please. “ added ingrid.
You were moving on autopilot when you took off your shoes and layed in the middle of the bed between them . you stared at ingrid’s eyes for long time before you moved or spoke.
“ Your eyes are so beautiful I could never capture them in a drawing.” you then look over at mapi “ and you smile i don't think i have never seen it up close. This is too much.” you try to get up but they stop you.
“ We don't have to do anything right now.” mapi handed you a notebook and a pen.
“ Why don't you draw this moment now.” you take the pen and the biggest smile spreads on your face as you get up, look at them, and start drawing as they admired you.
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randomdragonfires · 2 days
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Time Can't Stop Me Quite Like You Did | Part Three
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Text Divider by @saradika-graphics
SUMMARY | The music blares and everyone’s out of it, but she turns and sees him. Detached from it all, Aemond stands on the balcony with a cigarette dangling lazily from his lips - watching the party unfold, watching her. The realization hits her as their eyes meet.
It’s him. It’s always been him. 
WARNINGS | 18+; SMUT; Angst; Non-Con and Violence Elements; Use of Substances and Alcohol; Complicated Relationship Dynamics.
PAIRINGS | Modern!Aemond Targaryen x Reader [MAIN]; Modern!Daeron Targaryen x Reader
WORD COUNT | 24.5k [I'M SORRY]
Check out the art created for this fic by the lovely, talented and so very kind @azperja here!  
A/N | By now it's obvious. I really don't beta read things -_-
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She starts with small changes. 
She takes different routes around campus, chooses study spots on the opposite end of the library, and declines any parties where she might run into him. They’re usually in different parts of the campus anyway, so avoiding him should be easy. But it isn’t. They run in the same circles, and all her friends know him. She has to be mindful, strategic, careful not to linger in places where their paths might cross.
The one shared class they have is her biggest challenge. She slips into the lecture hall just as the professor begins, taking a seat in the back, hidden among the sea of students. She keeps her head down, her attention fixed on her notes, refusing to let her eyes wander to where she knows he’s sitting.
But she feels his presence, even without looking. She can sense the way his gaze lingers on her, like a weight pressing on her shoulders. It takes every ounce of her willpower to ignore it, to pretend she doesn’t notice, that she isn’t affected by it. She keeps her mouth shut, barely even acknowledging the professor, just so Aemond won’t have a reason to notice her.
But he’s seen her. She knows he has. And yet, he hasn’t made any attempt to approach her. He hasn’t tried to talk to her after class, hasn’t texted, hasn’t even sent a cryptic message through a mutual friend.
The silence from him is both a relief and a torment. On one hand, she’s grateful that he’s giving her space, that he’s not forcing her to confront what happened. But on the other, she can’t help but wonder why. Why hasn’t he reached out? Does he understand that she needs space, or is he simply indifferent?
The conflicting thoughts whirl around her mind, making it impossible to focus. She’s avoiding him, yet she can’t stop thinking about him. She wonders if he’s reached the same conclusion she has - that whatever happened between them was a mistake. Or maybe… maybe the girl he’s seeing is back, and he’s realized that what they had was a moment of weakness, a lapse in judgment that he regrets.
The thought makes her skin crawl.
It stings more than she’d like to admit. It’s ridiculous, she tells herself. She should be glad that he’s keeping his distance. It’s what she wanted, after all. But the doubts creep in, feeding the anxiety that’s been gnawing at her ever since that night.
Her finals don’t help either. The pressure to perform well, to maintain her grades, is a vice around her chest. She spends long hours in the library, her nose buried in textbooks, trying to drown out her thoughts with the relentless march of deadlines and exam schedules. But he is a constant presence at the back of her mind, and she cannot shake him off.
The final exam of the semester passes in a blur, each answer she scribbles onto the paper feeling more mechanical than the last. When it’s over, she walks out of the exam hall with a numbness that clings to her. The weight of the past weeks - the stress, the sleepless nights, the constant battle to keep her emotions in check - finally catches up with her.
She spends the entire day holed up in her flat, the blinds drawn to keep out the bright summer light. The silence is thick, the hours stretching on as she flits from one distraction to another. She tries reading, but the words blur together on the page. She turns on the laptop, but the shows barely hold her attention. Even scrolling through her phone feels empty.
As the afternoon fades into evening, a slow realization dawns on her: she can’t keep hiding forever. The exams were a temporary distraction, an excuse to avoid dealing with everything she’s been running from. But now that they’re over, she’s left with nothing but her thoughts - and the gnawing certainty that she can’t keep avoiding Aemond.
He’s likely finished his exams too, probably somewhere out there, living his life as if nothing’s changed. The thought brings a fresh wave of frustration. He hasn’t reached out to her, hasn’t made the slightest effort to clear the air.
It’s almost as if he’s content to let things remain as they are. But she's not.
The more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that waiting for him to make the first move is futile. He’s not going to reach out, not after the way she’s been avoiding him. And maybe he’s thinking the same thing - that she doesn’t want to see him, that she’s already moved on.
The idea of confronting him terrifies her, but the thought of continuing on like this - of pretending that she can keep dodging him forever - is worse. She can’t live in this self-imposed exile, trapped by her own fears and doubts. If there’s any hope of moving past this, of getting closure, she needs to take the first step.
With a deep breath, she makes up her mind. The decision brings a strange sense of calm, like a weight being lifted from her chest. She can’t predict how it will go, but at least she’ll be taking control, no longer at the mercy of her own avoidance.
The evening sky outside her window is turning shades of pink and orange, and for the first time in days, she feels a spark of determination. She’s not going home for the summer, and neither, as far as she knows, is he.
There’s no more running, no more hiding.
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Her eyes settle on Aemond - sprawled across his bed, completely at ease, as if he’s got not a care in the world.
The familiar scent hits her first - weed, strong and pungent, curling through the air and invading her senses. She pauses at the threshold, taking it in, before leaning against the doorway.
He doesn’t notice her at first. He’s too absorbed in the book he’s holding, his fingers lazily turning a page. She can’t make out the title, but she recognizes the Valyrian text on the cover, the ancient script curling elegantly along the spine.
For a moment, she watches him. There’s a strange, almost surreal quality to the scene - like she’s an outsider looking in on his life. His face is calm, his expression softened in the dim light, but there’s a tension in his posture, a quiet restlessness that she can’t quite place.
“So this is what you do when you’re high? Read Valyrian books?”
“They’re interesting,” he replies, his voice casual, detached. He doesn’t look at her, his eye still roving over the page, words spilling out as if she wasn’t there. Almost as if they hadn’t been icing each other out for weeks.
She doesn’t know what to say. The weight of their silence presses heavily down on her chest. She hesitates, her mind racing, but before she can form a coherent thought, he gestures toward her, a lazy wave of his hand as he adjusts himself on the bed.
“Come here.”
It’s not a request; it’s a command, spoken with the kind of casual authority that’s so inherently him. She swallows hard, the tension in her stomach coiling tighter. Part of her wants to resist, to stay rooted in place, but there’s another part of her - smaller, more vulnerable - that aches for the familiarity of being close to him again.
She pushes off the doorway, her steps slow and hesitant as she crosses the room. The air feels warmer near him, the scent of weed and smoke mingling with the faint smell of his cologne, a combination that’s both comforting and disorienting. When she reaches the bed, she pauses, unsure of what to do, where to sit, what to say.
Aemond looks up at her then, his gaze locking onto hers. There’s something different in his eye now, something softer, more aware. It’s like he’s really seeing her for the first time since she walked in.
He nods and she gives in, sitting down beside him, the mattress dipping under her weight. There’s a tension between them, a fragile thread that could snap at any moment, but for now, it holds.
She hesitates for a moment, then slowly lies down next to him, feeling the warmth of his body radiate through the thin fabric of her shirt. He doesn’t say anything, just shifts slightly to make room for her, and as she curls into the mattress, he slips an arm around her waist, pulling her in closer.
His hand rests on her side, fingers tracing slow, absentminded patterns on her skin through the fabric, the movement steady and soothing. She feels his breath against her hair, steady and calm, and for a moment, she closes her eyes, allowing herself to melt into him.
She takes her time, letting her gaze drift over him, tracing the sharp lines of his jaw, the way his hair falls messily across his forehead, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes. The book is still in his other hand, balanced carefully as he continues to read, the pages illuminated by the dim light of the bedside lamp. He’s so absorbed in it, yet his hold on her is firm, as if he’s anchoring both of them to this moment, this shared silence.
She shifts slightly, her head resting on his shoulder as she glances at the book in his hand. “What are you reading?”
He pauses for a moment, his fingers stilling on the page as he looks down at her. “It’s called The Last Embrace.”
She raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t take you for a romantic.”
He chuckles softly at her remark, his voice a low rumble that reverberates through his chest. "It’s a Valyrian classic," he says. “I know someone who can find the premium first edition copies.”
“Hm.” She moves into him, and his hand roves over her clothed back, warmth seeping through. She nestles against him, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear. “Read to me?” She asks softly, almost shyly, as if the request might shatter her pride.
He considers her for a moment, then gently adjusts his position, making sure she’s comfortable as he continues from where he left off. With his arm still wrapped around her, holding her close, he begins to read. The words flow from his lips - his voice deep and rich as it carries and fills the quiet space between them. She listens, captivated by the way he brings the story to life.
One word in particular catches her attention, its lilting syllables intriguing. She stops him, her gaze curious. “What does that mean?”
He looks down at her, his gaze tender and slightly dazed. “Gevie means ‘beautiful,’” he explains, his tone mellowed by a subtle high. She repeats the word, her attempt tentative. “Gevie.” Her pronunciation falters, and he gently corrects her, his voice a soothing murmur. “Gevie,” he reiterates, his lips curving into a soft smile.
She tries again, her voice more confident, “Gevie,” and he nods in approval, his hand squeezing lightly on her arm, a touch that sends a shiver down her spine.
The reading continues, and she’s captivated by another word. 
“Jorrāelagon,” she asks. “And this one?”
“It means ‘love.’” He replies, his eyes soft and hazy, the high giving his voice a languid quality that almost lulls her to sleep. She echoes. “Jorrāelagon,” but her pronunciation is awkward at the first try. He guides her gently, his voice dropping as he enunciates the word.
 “Jorrāelagon.”
She repeats the word again, and he nods, pleased. She doesn’t want to dwell on how pleasing him feels.
When they reach 'Vūjigon', she leans in closer, her curiosity and desire blending seamlessly. “What does this one mean?”
“To kiss,” he murmurs, his gaze growing more intense. She wonders if she’s seeing the slight red on his cheeks, or if it’s actually there. She repeats, “Vūjigon,” her pronunciation faltering again. He corrects her, his voice a velvety whisper.
As she practices the word, the anticipation builds between them. Her body shifts, aligning with his, and she straddles him, her movements deliberate and sensual. The mattress dips under her weight, and she feels the heat of his body radiate through the thin fabric of their clothes. His hands find her sides, gripping firmly but tenderly, his touch sending electric currents through her skin. She leans in closer, their foreheads touching, and she inhales deeply. The scent of his cologne mixes with the distinct smell of the weed. The high he's on adds a dream-like quality to his touch and his gaze, making every sensation more vivid and intense.
“Vūjigon,” she whispers, her voice husky with desire. The correct pronunciation flows from her lips, and the air between them is heated and heavy.
His eye darkens with desire as he gazes at her, the effect of the high amplifying his senses. He responds to her unspoken invitation, his lips meeting hers in a kiss that is both urgent and tender. The kiss deepens quickly as his hands move to her waist, pulling her closer, the heat of his touch igniting a fire within her.
His hands tighten on her waist, pulling her flush against him, and she can feel the hard line of his desire pressing against her. The sensation sends a shudder through her, a wave of heat that pools low in her belly.
This is happening, this is truly happening-
His kisses are a heady mix of passion and need, his tongue exploring her mouth with a fervor that leaves her breathless. She responds in kind, her own desire spiraling out of control as her fingers thread through his hair, tugging gently as she presses herself against him. The weight of him beneath her, the feel of his body so close, so real, is intoxicating.
With a low, rough sound in the back of his throat, he flips them over, his body covering hers, pressing her into the mattress. His hands are everywhere - roaming her sides, cupping her breasts, sliding down to grip her hips. The urgency of his movements is matched by the haze of the high, adding a surreal, almost dream-like quality to the moment.
She arches into him, her back curving as she seeks more of his touch, more of the heat that’s building between them. His mouth leaves hers, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down her neck, across her collarbone, until he’s tugging her shirt aside, his lips finding the sensitive skin beneath. Every touch, every kiss, feels amplified, the high making her hyper-aware of every sensation.
He’s moving with purpose now, his hands tugging at the waistband of her pants, sliding them down her hips with a practiced ease. She helps him, kicking them off, leaving her bare beneath him. He follows quickly, discarding his own clothes until there’s nothing between them but heated skin.
His hands are back on her, rough and gentle all at once as he positions himself between her thighs. She feels the blunt pressure of him at her entrance, the anticipation so sharp it almost hurts. She meets his gaze, his eyes dark and blown with lust, the effect of the high making them seem even more intense. He pauses, just for a moment, his breath ragged. “I’m on the pill,” she murmurs, as if sensing his hesitation.
He thrusts into her with a single, powerful stroke.
The sensation is overwhelming, a mix of pain and pleasure that has her gasping, her hands clutching at his shoulders as he fills her completely. He stills for a moment, letting her adjust, his forehead pressing against hers as he takes a shuddering breath.
Then he’s moving, his hips snapping against hers in a rhythm that’s fast and unrelenting. Each thrust sends sparks of pleasure shooting through her, the friction, the heat, the intensity of it all pushing her closer to the edge. She wraps her legs around his waist, pulling him deeper, her own hips meeting his in a desperate attempt to keep up with the pace he’s set.
His breathing is ragged in her ear, a rough counterpoint to the smoothness of his movements. She can feel him tensing, the way his thrusts grow more erratic, more desperate, as he nears his own release. His hand moves between them, fingers finding her clit and rubbing in tight, precise circles, pushing her closer and closer to the edge.
With a low growl, he slams into her one last time, his body tensing as he comes hard, the force of his orgasm shaking him. He rides it out, his hips still moving in shallow thrusts as he chases the last remnants of pleasure.
But he doesn’t stop. Even as his breathing slows, his hands remain on her, one sliding down her body until his fingers are slipping between her folds, finding the wet heat there. He pulls out of her slowly, and she whimpers at the loss, but the sound quickly turns to a moan as his head dips between her thighs.
His mouth finds her, his tongue licking a slow, teasing stripe up her center before his lips close around her clit. He sucks gently, his fingers pressing inside her, filling her again as he works her with a relentless, skillful rhythm. She’s already so close, her body still buzzing from the intensity of what they’ve just done, and it doesn’t take long for the pleasure to build again, fast and unstoppable.
As his mouth works her, his tongue drawing her closer and closer to the edge, he lifts his head just enough to murmur against her skin, “Gevie… ao gevie issi, jorrāelagon.”
His voice is thick with desire, the words rolling off his tongue with a reverence that sends shivers down her spine. She’s too far gone to try and grasp the meaning, her mind clouded with the overwhelming pleasure he’s giving her. But something about the way he says it, the heat in his voice, makes her gasp.
“What… what does that mean?” she manages to ask between moans, her voice breathless, shaky.
He doesn’t answer right away, his mouth returning to her with renewed focus, his fingers curling inside her in just the right way. The pleasure is dizzying, her body trembling as she’s pushed closer to the brink. When he finally speaks again, his words are low and guttural, vibrating against her skin.
“Gevie… beautiful,” he says, his voice thick with lust as he looks up at her, his eye dark and filled with heat. “Jorrāelagon… love.” His hand moves in sync with his words, drawing more moans from her lips, her mind barely able to process the translations as the pleasure intensifies.
Her body arches into him, desperate for more, needing more, and he gives it to her, his fingers working her relentlessly. She’s on the edge, her breaths coming in short, sharp gasps, when he murmurs one last word against her skin.
“Vūjigon,” he says, the word slipping from his lips like a caress, his voice deeper, rougher, as he lifts his head to look at her, his gaze burning into hers.
“Kiss,” she breathes, finally understanding, the realization sending a fresh wave of desire crashing over her. Her body moves of its own accord, her hips grinding against his fingers as she chases the release that’s just out of reach.
He doesn’t give her time to dwell on it, his mouth returning to her with a fervor that’s almost too much to bear. The sensation is overwhelming, a mix of pleasure and need that builds and builds until she’s teetering on the edge, her mind a haze. Her hips lift off the mattress, seeking more, needing more, and he gives it to her, his tongue and fingers moving in perfect harmony until she’s falling over the edge, her orgasm crashing over her in waves. She cries out, her hands fisting in his hair as he pushes her through it, his mouth never leaving her until she’s trembling with the aftershocks, her body spent and sated.
When he lays back down and his lips meet hers, she thinks there could be no better feeling than being held in his arms.
The fact that he may still have another woman in his life slips her mind completely.
Tonight, he is hers.
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The morning after, he's gone off for an early class, leaving her to rest. She finds The Last Embrace on his nightstand and picks it up, her nimble fingers turning the pages as she scans his notes scattered throughout the book.
Love is a disease of the mind, but one we willingly suffer for.
It’s the kind of observation she can easily imagine him making aloud, his voice detached yet tinged with a subtle irony. She almost pictures him writing it, pausing to consider the implications of the passage before inscribing his thoughts with careful precision. It’s a stark reminder of how his mind works - always a step removed, always observing from a distance, even when he’s most deeply involved.
It’s so very Aemond, the way he can reduce something as chaotic and overwhelming as love to a mere intellectual curiosity, and yet, in doing so, reveal more about himself than any grand declaration ever could.
A small smile plays on her lips as she closes the book, gently smoothing the folded corner.
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She least expects it, but it hits her with the force of a brick wall when it does.
She finds herself at Aemond's apartment again, perched on the familiar countertop in his kitchen, picking at a bowl of leftover pasta he’d casually reheated for her. Aemond stands at the stove, his attention focused on a kettle of water beginning to steam. He moves with his usual grace, every action deliberate and precise, but there’s something slightly different about him today—a subtle energy that she can’t quite place.
Almost offhandedly as he reaches for a mug, he speaks. “I might not be around tomorrow night. I’ve got…plans.”
He says it so casually, the words slipping out as though they’re of no consequence. But there’s a flicker of something in his tone, something that makes her glance up from her bowl, her curiosity piqued.
“Plans?” she echoes, trying to keep her voice light, nonchalant, though a strange tightness begins to form in her chest.
“Yeah,” he continues, filling the mug with hot water before turning back to her, his expression as composed as ever. “Dinner, actually. With someone.”
The way he says it - "with someone" - is so deliberately vague, so carefully chosen, that it sends a chill through her, the pieces beginning to fall into place. The quiet confidence in his voice, the way he doesn’t elaborate, doesn’t feel the need to explain. It’s a subtle giveaway, but one she can’t ignore.
“Oh,” she murmurs, her gaze dropping back to her bowl, her appetite suddenly fading. She forces herself to take another bite, though it tastes like ash in her mouth. “That sounds…nice.”
“Yeah,” he replies, his tone so matter-of-fact, so indifferent, that it stings more than anything else. “It should be.”
For a moment, she doesn’t know what to say, the silence between them suddenly feeling heavier, more oppressive. The realization settles in slowly, a painful clarity that makes her heart ache. To him, what they have is just…convenient.
He isn’t even trying to hide it. The ease with which he mentions his plans, the lack of any concern for how she might feel about it—it all points to one thing. 
Casual. Non-exclusive.
Then again, he made no promises.
The realization - reminder, if she was being practical - is a bitter pill to swallow, and she fights to keep her expression neutral, not wanting to betray the sadness that’s creeping into her. She allowed herself to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was something more to this. But now, sitting there on his countertop, she sees it for what it truly is.
“Enjoy your dinner,” she says, her voice sounding distant to her own ears as she pushes the half-eaten bowl away and slides off the counter. She offers him a small, strained smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.
“Thanks,” he replies, his gaze flicking over her briefly before returning to the kettle, as if her words are of no particular importance.
As she moves to grab her bag, her movements slow and deliberate, Aemond turns to look at her. The casual indifference that colored his words just moments before falters when he sees the expression on her face - something distant, guarded, as though she’s trying to shield herself from the truth that’s just settled between them.
“You’re upset,” he says, not as a question but as a statement, his tone flat. He’s always so direct, so infuriatingly precise in his observations, as if everything in the world can be neatly cataloged and understood.
She hesitates, her back to him as she reaches for her bag, fingers brushing over the strap, but she doesn’t pick it up right away. She can feel his gaze on her, sharp and assessing, waiting for her to respond.
“It’s nothing,” she murmurs, forcing herself to keep her voice steady, even though the words feel like they’re sticking in her throat. “Just…you could’ve mentioned it before.”
There’s a beat of silence, the air between them taut with unspoken things. She knows he’s searching for the right words, something that won’t sound like an admission but also won’t deny the reality she’s trying to ignore.
“You always knew there was someone else,” he says finally, his voice low, almost gentle, as if that can soften the blow.
She swallows hard, her grip tightening on the strap of her bag as the truth of his words settles in. Of course, she knows. There’s always been something in the way he holds himself slightly apart from her, something that hinted at the boundaries she was never meant to cross. And yet, she crossed them anyway, hoping—foolishly—that maybe he would meet her halfway.
“Did I?” she asks quietly, her voice trembling just enough to give her away. She turns to face him then, her eyes searching his, looking for something - anything - that will contradict what he’s just said. But there’s nothing. His expression is calm, measured, as though they’re discussing something inconsequential.
He doesn’t answer, but the silence that follows is more telling than anything he could say. She can see it now, how he’s always been careful with her, careful not to let things go too far, careful not to give her any false hope.
But he never really needed to, did he? Because she already knew, deep down, that whatever they had was just a small part of his life - a convenience, a passing thing that will end the moment someone else comes along. Someone more important, more permanent.
She lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, the sound heavy in the quiet of the kitchen. “Right,” she says, nodding to herself as if that will help make sense of everything. “I guess I did know.”
She hesitates, the words tasting bitter on her tongue as she adds, almost too casually, “Daeron texted about coming to Oldtown over the weekend. I probably have plans with him anyway.”
The silence that follows is suffocating, and when she dares to meet his gaze, she catches the subtle shift in his expression - a small, almost amused curl of his lips. It’s as if he can see right through her, peeling back the flimsy layers she’s tried to build around herself. The realization that he sees her so clearly, that he understands her attempts to guard herself, makes her feel smaller, more exposed than she ever intended.
His smile fades, replaced by something darker, more contemplative, and the weight of his gaze makes her want to shrink away, to hide from the way he’s dissecting her. He steps closer, the space between them shrinking to nothing as his presence looms large, overwhelming. She feels like she’s teetering on the edge of something dangerous, something that could shatter her if she’s not careful. But she doesn’t move, rooted to the spot by the intensity of his gaze, by the way he’s looking at her like he’s trying to decide if she’s worth the effort of breaking down completely.
The resignation in her voice must cut through him because he shifts, leaning back against the counter, his eyes never leaving hers. But he doesn’t move toward her, doesn’t try to reach out. It’s as if he knows that any attempt to comfort her now would only be hollow, empty of meaning.
She can smell the faint scent of the coffee still lingering on him, mixing with his cologne, and it makes her head swim, makes the room feel smaller, more suffocating. Everything feels too close, too real, and she needs to leave before she says something she can’t take back.
“Look, it’s fine,” she says quickly, forcing a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “I should get going anyway. I’ve got things to do.”
He doesn’t stop her. He just watches as she slings the bag over her shoulder, his gaze cool and detached, like he’s studying her, trying to understand why she’s making such a big deal out of something they both knew had an expiration date.
But just as she turns to leave, he reaches out, taking hold of her hand. The contact is brief, almost hesitant, but it’s enough to make her pause. There’s something in his touch—something that feels more like pity than affection. It twists in her chest, making her feel even smaller, more exposed.
“Take care,” he says, his voice polite, almost distant, as if the gesture was merely obligatory.
The words sting, made worse by the way he immediately lets go, his hand slipping away as if it never held hers at all. She walks away.
She pauses for a moment, hand on the doorknob, before glancing back at him. There’s so much she wants to say, but she knows it will all sound pathetic and desperate, and she refuses to let him see her like that.
“Yeah,” she replies softly, her heart aching in a way that feels almost physical. “You too.”
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She sits on the edge of her sofa, her fingers idly tracing the patterns on the faded fabric. 
She stares at the shadows, feeling them stretch and distort, like her own thoughts, twisted and knotted.
The apartment is a mess - books splayed open, cold coffee mugs scattered about, and a half-burnt vanilla scented candle that hasn’t seen use in days. The quiet hum of the city outside the window is distant, almost surreal, as if it belongs to another world entirely. Inside, it’s as if time has stopped, leaving her in a stagnant pool of self-pity that she hates like nothing else.
Her mind drifts to Aemond. She can’t shake the image of him talking with his date. The warmth of his voice, the way his eyes subtly light up - it all feels so tangible, yet so out of reach. She imagines him in those moments of connection, and each thought pulls her deeper into the mire of her own emotions. The more she dwells on it, the more isolated she feels.
The room feels colder now, the silence pressing in on her from all sides. She wraps her blanket tighter, but it doesn’t offer much comfort. Her phone buzzes on the coffee table, jolting her out of her reverie. She hesitates, a mix of curiosity and apprehension swirling inside her. It’s probably not Aemond, she tells herself, but she can’t help the flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, it is.
She reaches for the phone, her hand trembling slightly. The screen lights up with Daeron’s name. She swipes to open it, her heart pounding as she sees the photo he’s sent. It’s Daeron at Oldtown Airport, his face lit up with a smile that seems to brighten the whole frame. A text follows.
Lunch tomorrow?
She smiles.
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She waits outside Moonbloom, the café's warm, inviting light spilling onto the pavement. She watches as people bustle by, each face a fleeting moment in the urban blur. Her nerves are a tight knot, and she checks her phone for the umpteenth time, though she already knows Daeron will be on time. She hears his voice before she sees him.
"Hey," Daeron says, a smile tugging at his lips as he approaches. His eyes, as familiar as they are, carry a weight that wasn’t there before. They embrace awkwardly, and it makes her bristle.
Inside, the café is bustling with midday energy. They choose a corner table, its cozy atmosphere offering some solace from the crowd. Daeron settles into his seat, his movements slightly hesitant. She follows suit, their conversation initially faltering as they tiptoe around the more profound emotions that linger between them.
“So, um,” she begins, fidgeting with the menu, “have you been to this place before?”
“Not really,” Daeron replies, his fingers tapping nervously on his coffee cup. “I mean, I’ve passed by, but I’ve never actually been in. It’s...nice.”
“I love the way they’ve decorated it.”
Daeron looks around, taking in the mismatched furniture and the array of quirky knick-knacks. “Definitely. It’s kind of...charming. I guess I didn’t expect it to be this warm.”
She smiles, relieved to have found a neutral topic. “Yeah, it’s cozy. I come here when I need to get away from everything for a bit.”
“Sounds like it’s a good spot for that,” Daeron says, his voice warming slightly. “I could use a little escape myself.”
They both pause, a slight awkwardness settling over them. The menu sits between them, a practical distraction from the underlying tension. Daeron glances at it, his brow furrowing as he tries to decide.
“So, have you tried anything here that’s a must-have?” Daeron asks, attempting to steer the conversation back to safe ground.
She looks at the menu thoughtfully. “The avocado toast is really good, and the latte is pretty great too. It’s one of those places where you can’t go wrong with pretty much anything. Oh and they have a really good cheesecake!”
“Sounds good,” Daeron says, nodding as if making a mental note. “I’ll have to try both then.”
She chuckles softly, trying to ease the nervous energy between them. “You won’t regret it.”
The menu arrives, and they both laugh over the choices—an easy distraction from the real conversation they know is coming. They talk about trivial things first: the new book she’s reading, Daeron’s latest coffee obsession. The conversation is light, almost too light, as if they’re both waiting for the right moment to dive into the deeper waters.
As their meals arrive, Daeron takes a deep breath, his fingers absently tracing the edge of his coffee cup. “I didn’t realize how much I missed this. You.”
She looks up, surprised by the shift in tone. “Yeah, moving away does that to you.” 
Daeron’s gaze meets hers, a mixture of nostalgia and hesitation in his eyes. “It’s like, I’ve been so caught up in trying to manage everything that I forgot to appreciate these simpler things. I’ve been trying to figure out what really matters, and I think...I think that’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
Her curiosity is piqued, the earlier awkwardness giving way to a more genuine connection. “What do you mean?”
Daeron hesitates, fiddling with the edge of his napkin as he searches for the right words. “Floris and me. You know, things seemed okay, but I was always looking for the next problem, the next thing that might go wrong. I never really stopped to appreciate what we had, or how well things were actually working.”
She listens intently, her eyes softening as she senses the depth of his struggle. “And?”
Daeron sighs, his gaze meeting hers with a sincerity that tugs at her heart. “I’ve realized that I need to take a step back and figure things out. It’s why I came to stay here for the next month. It’s not just about getting away from everything. It’s more about taking the time to understand myself better. I want to be in a better place for her - when I go back, I want to be someone who’s really ready.”
The café hums around them, the sounds of chatter and clinking cutlery providing a gentle backdrop to their conversation. She absorbs his words, feeling a mix of sadness and a surprising sense of relief. “You’re actually going to do this?” she asks quietly.
Daeron nods, a small, hopeful smile touching his lips. “Yeah, I think it’s what I need. Just some time to be with myself, to figure out what really matters. I want to make sure I’m not just rushing through life, looking for the next thing. I want to be present for her, for myself. You know?”
There’s something endearing about Daeron, who he’s grown into, and his willingness to admit he needs to take time for himself. It is eons ahead of the boy she knew. For a brief moment, she sees Aemond in him, and she takes a deep breath before she lets her thoughts carry her away.
“I think that’s really brave,” she says softly. “It’s not easy to take a step back and admit you need to sort things out.”
She wonders if her words are for him, or herself.
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Your Starry Sept postcards are at my place.
The afternoon sun hits just right as they walk through the market with their condensing iced coffee cups in hand. The stalls around them are alive with the scent of fresh bread, spices and flowers. It’s been days since she’s seen Aemond, and she ignores his texts and any chance to see him like the plague.
They sip their coffee, exchanging easy smiles as they pass by vendors selling everything from handmade jewelry to antique trinkets. The atmosphere is relaxed, yet a tension lingers beneath the surface. Daeron, seemingly content, glances at her and notices a shift in her demeanor as they approach an antique store.
“What’s up with you?” he asks, his tone light. “You’ve been a bit...off today.”
Now more than ever, she hates how well the Targaryen brothers know her. Her heart skips a beat.
“Uh, it’s nothing,” she says, her voice a bit too high-pitched, betraying herself. “Just...a lot on my mind, I guess.”
Daeron raises an eyebrow, his concern deepening. “Come on… We’ve known each other long enough. You can tell me if something’s bothering you.”
She looks away, her eyes darting over the colorful array of vintage items displayed in the store’s window. She takes a deep breath, trying to steady her racing heart. The prospect of confessing her recent history with Aemond is daunting, especially since she had poured out her feelings to Daeron not so long ago.
If anything, it makes it all feel a lot less valid if she thinks of it that way.
“It’s a bit complicated.”
“Complicated how?”
The question hangs in the air, and Wylde feels a lump form in her throat. She swallows hard, weighing the consequences of her next words. She recalls the emotional turmoil she experienced when she admitted her feelings for Daeron and how vulnerable she felt. The idea of now revealing that she’s been seeing Aemond—his brother, no less—feels like an insurmountable hurdle.
She takes another sip of her coffee, trying to buy time. “It’s just...I don’t know how to explain it. There’s been some...changes, you know?”
Daeron looks at her intently, sensing her hesitation. “Look, if you’re not ready to talk about it, that’s okay.” Her heart aches at his genuine concern. She knows she should be honest, but the fear of how Daeron will react clouds her judgment. She finally meets his gaze, the weight of her secret pressing heavily on her shoulders.
“I’ve been seeing someone,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s...complicated.”
Daeron’s expression shifts from concern to confusion. “Someone? Who?” She sees his frown lift into a smile.
“Who… that’s not relevant.” 
Before he can interrupt and charm Aemond’s identity out of her, she continues. “He was already with someone, but I caught feelings for him anyway. Then we hooked up, and I worry that I just…”
“You worry that you’ve made a mistake.”
“Among other things. I…” She sighs. “I just want someone that’s mine, you know? It is a bit of a shame that the boys I like always belong to someone else.”
He chuckles. “I’m going to ask you to think well and be honest. Do you know him well enough?”
“Very well.”
“Do you think he’s the type to cheat?”
“Definitely not.”
“And did you ask him about this? What he wants from you, and what his situation with the other person is like?”
“I guess.”
“And what did he say?”
“He made no promises. He said I always knew there was someone else. I… I messed up. I shouldn’t have encouraged him, to be frank. He always knew what it was. He always knew, and I… did too. Just took a while for it to sink in. And… I was slightly foolish in hoping that he’d be just for me… for a while there it felt like… the last few months, it was all building up to it.”
“And you’re sure a fling is what he wants?”
“He went out for dinner with this other girl yesterday. Safe to assume.”
“I guess the question is…” He sighs. “Having as little of him as he can give you… is that something you’re willing to have? Because if not, you’ll have to push him away entirely. Protect yourself.”
She closes her eyes and brings a hand up to her mouth in resignation. “I feel so stupid.”
Daeron places a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Hey, it takes two to make something work. Don’t beat yourself up if he isn’t.”
When she walks back to her flat that night, Daeron’s words echo through her mind like a fast growing wildfire.
Is he worth it? 
She knows the answer long before she even ponders on the question. It is simply a question of whether or not she can handle it.
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There’s more cheesecake in the fridge.
She avoids Aemond and his texts for the next few days, her thoughts spiraling as she wonders what he really wants from her if he’s seeing someone else. Every time her phone buzzes, she tenses, half-hoping, half-dreading it’s him. 
Of course he won’t say he misses her. He won’t say he wants to see her. That’s just not his style.
She stares at the screen for a long moment, her thumb hovering over the keyboard before she decides to leave him on read. Her heart pounds, but she doesn't know how to respond. It’s easier to focus on Daeron, easier to avoid the growing confusion that Aemond has brought into her life.
They lie on the blanket, the sound of waves crashing below the cliffs filling the comfortable silence between them. The sky above them shifts in shades of pink and orange as the sun inches closer to the horizon. It’s a scene that could easily be romantic if things had turned out differently between them.
“You know,” Daeron starts, his voice light but thoughtful, “we’re pretty compatible.”
She turns her head to look at him, a small smile playing on her lips. “Yeah, we are. It’s kind of a shame things didn’t… I don’t know, grow between us the way they could’ve.”
“Yeah,” he echoes, his tone carrying a hint of wistfulness. “It just never… happened.”
With you, she wants to add. I loved you for so long, you just didn’t love me back.
They both know there’s no regret in those words, just a shared acknowledgment of something that could have been but never was.
“I remember the first time I realized I had feelings for you,” she says, her voice softer now as she gazes out at the sea. “I was probably eight years old. That day on the school grounds, when you and Luke fought because he was bothering me. In my defense, I was eight years old and that was the most romantic thing ever.”
Daeron laughs, a genuine sound that makes her smile. “Eight years old, huh? Wow, I didn’t know I was such a charmer back then.”
“You weren’t. I was just an idiot.”
“Thanks.”
“Yeah, well, you had your moments,” she teases, nudging him with her shoulder. “But really, it was just a silly crush. I got over it eventually. Wasn’t great, but I managed it somehow.” The gravity of underselling her feelings hits her, but she’s not quite upset about it anymore. Daeron is a thing of her past - how much power can feelings from the past hold anyway?
“It all seems silly to me now.”
Daeron nods, understanding. “I get that. I always thought you’d make an awesome girlfriend, though.”
She raises an eyebrow, amused. “Yeah?”
“You’re cool and smart, and we always have a good time together. But I just… never felt much more than that. I do love you, just…”
“You’re not in love with me. I don’t blame you.” She sighs. “At least, not anymore.”
“You know what I mean,” Daeron says, chuckling. “We were close, and it always felt like we could’ve been something more, but it never felt… right. I think I just always saw you as my best friend.”
“It’s funny, isn’t it? We’re practically perfect for each other in so many ways, but the spark was never really there. No matter how much I used to want it.”
“Practically perfect,” Daeron agrees, smiling as he echoes her words. “Maybe we’re too practical.”
“Or maybe too perfect.” She grins, looking at him through her sunglasses.
“On paper, definitely.” They both laugh, the sound mingling with the crashing waves. They’re not sad about what could have been; they’re content with what they have.
She realizes she quite likes it this way.
“Hey, you know what?” Daeron says, his tone suddenly playful. “If we’re both still single at forty, we should just get married.”
She snorts, covering her mouth as she laughs. “Seriously?”
“Why not?” he says, grinning. “We’d make a pretty awesome couple, don’t you think?”
She looks at him, pretending to consider it. “Yeah, perfect on paper.”
“Come on, indulge me.”
“Fuck no. What if I’m actually single at forty and have to follow through?”
“It won’t be so bad, I promise.”
“If I’m still single by forty, I’d rather throw myself off this cliff.”
“Be a little brave for once. It’s just a far off possibility.”
“Ugh, fine. You have a deal.” Just as she says it, she extends her hand to him.
“Deal.” He laughs, and the realization is devoid of any pesky feelings as she thinks this is the best laugh she knows.
Hearty, boyish and pure.
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Came by the flat, it’s locked. Tell me you’re okay. It’s been more than a week.
I’m fine.
She doesn’t want to see him till she knows exactly what she wants to say. He’s made his stance very clear - that this is very casual to him, and that he doesn’t take what they have as seriously as she thought. She envies him, in all honesty. Why can’t her heart be as straightforward as his?
Daeron had met Aemond and their uncle Gwayne for a game of tennis at the Hightower Townhouse and invited her - but she refused politely and chose to not dwell. A few days later, he takes the private jet to Essos to visit Helaena during her exchange year and she clings to him in a tight hug before letting him go.
Like Daeron, who has chosen to relax this summer, she knows that first-year internships aren't mandatory. If she wanted one, she could easily get it - her name carries significant weight in the world of art and history. Her great-great-great-great-grandmother, Coryanne Wylde, left an indelible mark on the Westerosi art scene with her scandalous and groundbreaking series of erotic paintings titled A Caution for Young Girls. The collection - now cared for at the Citadel in Oldtown - is notorious for its bold sexual depictions, and is considered a turning point in the history of Westerosi art. That, coupled with her family’s considerable wealth - she has the luxury to forgo work during the first year holidays and focus solely on herself.
This summer, she’s embracing that privilege fully. Her days are spent immersed in books, wandering through museums, and exploring the city. She takes day trips to quaint coastal towns, armed with her sketchbook and ready to draw.
Summer will come to a close in less than a fortnight, and she’s grateful for the rest. As much as she loves studying art history, it does take a lot of energy out of her to channel that interest into wading through a structured syllabus that doesn’t run on her own time or pace.
Mornings begin with walks through the city, sketchbook always in hand, capturing the delicate lines of the older architecture or the vibrant chaos of modern installations. She takes her camera too, and each photograph she takes feels like a small rebellion against the uncertainty that has plagued her thoughts.
Afternoons are reserved for exploring the smaller towns along the coastline. She finds solace in the simplicity of these places—the way the sea breeze carries the scent of salt and wildflowers, the way cobblestone streets wind past charming cafes and artisan shops. She sits by the harbor, sketching boats bobbing gently on the waves, or wanders through quaint markets, photographing the scenes. She lets the local old women near the port weave flowers and shells into her hair, and wears loose fitting bright gowns that she finds in smaller stalls.
As the weeks pass, Aemond’s messages become sparse. When the texts stop altogether, she feels a pang of guilt she can’t quite shake. She knows it’s probably for the best, that she needs the space to sort out what she wants from him, but the silence echoes in her mind, leaving her to wonder what she might have done differently.
In every possibility, she realizes she wants him. But she never dwells in her thoughts long enough to understand what that means for them.
One evening, a few days before the next semester is set to begin, she finds herself at the Quill and Tankard, a charming little pub nestled in a cozy corner of the city. The warm, dimly lit space is filled with the hum of conversation and the clink of glasses. She orders a drink, the amber liquid swirling in her glass, and settles into a secluded booth. The conversations around her blur into a comforting background noise as she sips her drink, the alcohol loosening the tight knot of anxiety in her chest.
As the night wears on, her thoughts drift back to Aemond. She has tried so hard to avoid him, to drown out the questions and doubts he has stirred within her. But here in the pub, the memories feel sharper, more insistent. She glances around the room, watching other couples laugh and share stories, and wonders why her own connections feel so fraught with uncertainty.
Her phone buzzes on the table, a reminder of the texts that have long ceased. She glances at it, feeling a pang of longing and frustration. The lack of communication from Aemond leaves her with unanswered questions and unresolved feelings. She takes another sip of her drink, the warmth spreading through her, and feels a surge of impulse.
With a deep breath, she reaches for her phone. Her fingers hover over the screen for a moment, trembling slightly. She knows she shouldn’t be doing this, that reaching out might only reopen wounds she isn’t ready to face. But the need for some semblance of understanding is too strong to ignore.
Finally, she presses the call button and holds the phone to her ear. The familiar ringtone feels both comforting and jarring in the quiet of the pub. She takes another sip, steeling herself for whatever comes next.
"Hey, can I come over?”
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Despite living a stone’s throw away from each other, she hasn’t seen him in a month - and the moment she lays eyes on him again, she’s struck by how effortlessly captivating he is. Aemond sits at his desk, a stack of papers spread out before him, his focus completely absorbed by whatever it is he’s reading. The dim white light from his half-open laptop casts a soft glow on his face, accentuating the sharp lines of his jaw and the intensity in his expression. He’s in his element, completely at ease in the quiet of his own space.
She realizes, not for the first time, that it’s easy to stare at Aemond. Easy, because he’s always so absorbed in whatever task demands his attention. His head is often down, his gaze fixed on the papers, books, or screens in front of him, making it simple for her to observe him without the risk of getting caught. But more than that, it’s easy to stare at Aemond because there’s something about him that draws her in. He doesn’t have the easy, effortless charm of Daeron or the overwhelming presence of Aegon, but his appeal lies in the subtleties.
There’s a sharper, quieter beauty in Aemond that reveals itself in the smallest of ways. The way his brow furrows slightly when he’s deep in thought, the almost imperceptible lift of his lips when something amuses him. His beauty isn’t meant to be obvious or attention grabbing; it’s there for those who take the time to notice, for those who can appreciate the details that make him who he is. It’s the kind of beauty that makes her wonder about the thoughts that flicker behind his stormy eye, those that he keeps so carefully guarded.
In many ways, Helaena is much the same. There’s a quiet elegance to her, a softness that’s easy to overlook but impossible to forget once you’ve seen it. The two of them, siblings with such contrasting temperaments, share this unspoken, understated allure. They leave a lasting impression, like a delicate piece of art that grows more intricate the longer you look at it.
She stands there for a moment longer, taking him in - the way his long fingers trace the edge of the paper, the way a few stray strands of hair fall across his forehead. The familiarity of this scene almost comforts her as she leans into the doorway, unsure if she’s ready for this confrontation, but knowing it’s inevitable.
“I wasn’t sure if I should come,” she murmurs, the words slipping out like a secret, barely more than a breath. They drift into the space between them, fragile and hesitant.
“I told you to,” he replies, his voice steady, almost indifferent. His eyes remain fixed on the papers before him, the rustling of the sheets filling the silence between them.
She takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “What are you working on?”
“Going through some numbers, drafting reports for Otto,” he answers, still without looking up.
“Did you work with your grandfather? For the summer?” she asks, grasping at the small talk like a lifeline.
“Yes, father wanted me to train with him.”
“Hm.”
The conversation stalls, and she moves away from the doorway, retreating to the kitchen as if the physical distance might help her regain her composure. She rifles through his fridge, finding a slice of cheesecake and brewing a pot of coffee. The mundane actions feel almost grounding, but the tension remains, coiled tight in her chest.
As she watches the coffee drip, her mind races. She’s tense at his curtness, but a part of her knows she deserves it after avoiding him for so long. Still, she can’t help the anger simmering beneath the surface. She left to protect herself, but he’s acting as if her absence was nothing more than a minor inconvenience.
She walks back into the room, determined now. She nudges herself between him and his work desk, leaning back with her palms pressing against the surface. He finally looks up, his gaze sweeping over her from top to bottom, assessing. His hand rests over his lips, elbows braced on the armrests of his chair. The quiet intensity of his stare sends a shiver down her spine, but she doesn’t back down.
“What are we doing?” she asks, her voice low but firm.
“You disappeared for weeks on end, and now you’re back,” he responds, his tone maddeningly calm, as if nothing has happened.
Her nostrils flare in irritation. “What were we doing before I left?” She’s not letting him off that easily.
“Hm.” He takes a deep, audible breath, the kind that makes her want to scream. “We slept together, and you walked away to sort yourself out.”
“Are you serious right now?” she scoffs, her voice rising in disbelief. “I left because we slept together, and then you told me you were still seeing someone else! Something I asked you about, and you never bothered addressing!”
The frustration bubbling inside her threatens to spill over. She feels like a petulant child, but she knows she’s not entirely in the wrong. Yet his infuriatingly level-headed tone only makes her feel more on edge.
Without warning, he stands up, looming over her like a dark shadow. His presence is overwhelming, and when he steps closer, she can feel the heat radiating from him. His hands slam down on the table on either side of her, caging her in. Their breaths mingle in the small space between them, and she refuses to break eye contact, challenging him with every ounce of defiance she has left.
“Did you, for once, consider that I may not have wanted to wreck whatever it is you have with this other girl you’ve been seeing? For more than a year too, if I might add?” Her voice is laced with bitterness, but there’s an edge of vulnerability there too, one she can’t quite hide.
“Hm.”
His nonchalant response is the final straw. “Do you have nothing to say to me?” she nearly pleads, her tone wavering. It’s borderline pathetic, and the entire situation feels far messier than she can handle. “You blindsided me.”
He watches her for a moment, his gaze unreadable, before he finally speaks. “Do you regret it?”
Despite the storm of emotions swirling inside her, that answer is easy. “I probably should, but no.”
Her words hang between them, and for a moment, neither of them moves. Then, almost imperceptibly, his hand brushes against hers where it rests on the table. It’s a tentative touch, the barest graze of his fingers, but it’s enough to send a jolt of electricity through her. She inhales sharply, her breath catching in her throat.
He leans in closer, the distance between them shrinking to nothing. She can feel the heat of his body, the steady rhythm of his breathing, and the tension thickens, wrapping around them like a vise. His gaze drops to her lips, and she feels her resolve weakening, her anger melting away into something far more dangerous.
“Aemond…” she whispers, her voice trembling.
He tilts his head slightly, his lips almost brushing against hers. “Wylde,” he murmurs, the sound of her name on his lips making her heart stutter. His eyes darken, and she knows there’s no going back now.
She can feel the tension, heavy and palpable. And then, without another word, he closes the final gap between them, capturing her lips with his in a kiss that’s anything but gentle. 
It’s messy, complicated, and far from perfect, but at this moment, he is all that matters.
His lips find the tender skin of her neck, trailing a path of open-mouthed kisses down to her collarbone. The wet warmth of his mouth sends shivers down her spine, his breath hot against her skin. His hands are everywhere - exploring, claiming, running up and down her sides under her shirt, fingers pressing into her flesh as if trying to memorize the feel of her.
“Been too fucking long,” he murmurs, the words flowing like water.
She pulls his head up, capturing his lips with hers in a fierce kiss, a desperate melding of mouths that leaves them both breathless. They move together with a practiced urgency, her shirt sliding over her head, his following a second later. Her bra is discarded just as quickly, tossed aside without a second thought, as their bodies come together, skin to skin, the heat between them searing.
But when she reaches out, shifting his papers aside to sit on the edge of the desk, he laughs quietly, a low rumble that sends a thrill through her. He shakes his head, amusement flickering in his eyes, and lifts her effortlessly, his hands strong and steady beneath her. Her legs instinctively wrap around his waist, holding on tight as he carries her toward the bed.
“Those papers took me a while to organize,” he murmurs sharply, his tone laced with mock seriousness. If she didn’t know him better, she might think he was truly annoyed.
But she does know him, knows the way his eyes glint with barely concealed mirth as he lowers her onto the bed. The cool sheets contrast with the heat of their bodies, and she arches up into him, her fingers tangling in his hair as she pulls him down for another kiss. 
Aemond’s hands trail down her body, his fingers hooking into the waistband of her pants as he pulls away slightly, eyes dark and intent. She watches him, breathless, as he slides her pants and underwear down in one smooth motion, the cool air hitting her skin making her shiver.
He kisses his way down her body, lingering at her hips before settling between her thighs. The anticipation coils tight in her belly, her breath hitching as he looks up at her, his expression unreadable but undeniably hungry. He presses a soft kiss to the inside of her thigh, and she feels the tension in her body build with each brush of his lips against her skin.
When he finally touches her where she needs him most, she gasps, her hips arching off the bed in response. He holds her down gently, his strong hands firm on her thighs as his mouth moves with skillful precision. The sensation is overwhelming, every nerve ending alive and thrumming with pleasure as he takes his time, drawing out every gasp and moan that slips from her lips.
She threads her fingers through his hair, tugging lightly as she loses herself in the feeling, her breath coming in short, ragged bursts. His name slips past her lips, a breathless plea that only seems to spur him on, his tongue and lips working in tandem to push her closer and closer to the edge.
It’s a slow build, a steady climb toward something that feels almost too intense to bear. 
When she finally falls over the edge, it’s like the world shatters around her, a white-hot burst of pleasure that leaves her breathless and shaking, her hands gripping his hair tightly as she rides out the waves of her release. He stays with her through it all, his mouth still moving against her until the sensation becomes too much and she gently pulls him up to her, needing to feel his lips on hers, to ground herself in the warmth of his kiss.
Her breath is still uneven as she pulls him closer, her hand sliding down his chest, tracing the hard lines of his torso. She meets his gaze, eyes dark with desire, and murmurs, “I need you.”
Without breaking eye contact, her hand slips into his slacks, finding him already hard and straining against the fabric. He hisses at the contact, his jaw tightening as she wraps her fingers around him, stroking slowly, deliberately.
But it doesn’t last long. With a low growl, he pulls her hand away and stands up, quickly shedding his slacks and boxers, the clothing falling to the floor in a heap. The sight of him, fully bared to her, sends a fresh wave of desire coursing through her.
He’s back on her in an instant, his mouth on hers, urgent and demanding, as he positions himself between her legs. She wraps her legs around his waist, drawing him closer, and when he enters her in one smooth thrust, eliciting a gasp from them both.
He stills for a moment, buried deep inside her, his breath hot against her neck. Then, with a groan, he starts to move, slow at first, each thrust measured and deliberate, as if he’s savoring the way her body reacts to him. It doesn’t take long for the pace to quicken, the room filling with the sounds of their bodies moving together, the bed creaking beneath them.
She clings to him, her nails digging into his back as he drives into her, each thrust sending shockwaves of pleasure through her. His grip on her hips is firm, his movements powerful and unrelenting, as if he’s intent on losing himself in her.
“Ae-mond…”
Their breaths mingle, their bodies slick with sweat as they move together, the world outside fading away until all that exists is this. A conversation is due and far from over, but her mind is clouded by thoughts of him, him, him-
She breaks the kiss, her head falling back as her body tightens around him, pulling him deeper as the pleasure becomes almost too much to bear. He buries his face in her neck, his breath ragged against her skin, and with one final, languid thrust, he comes in pleasure as he moans into her skin.
For a moment, they remain tangled together, their breaths harsh and uneven, the aftermath of their release leaving them both dazed and spent. He stays inside her as long as he can, as if reluctant to break the connection, before finally pulling away and collapsing beside her, pulling her into his arms.
Her head rests on his chest, the steady beat of his heart a comforting rhythm beneath her ear. His arm is draped over her back, holding her close as if to keep the world at bay for just a little longer.
But as the silence stretches on, the reality of their situation begins to creep back in, and she feels the familiar weight of her thoughts clouding her mind. What are they really doing here? What does any of this mean? The questions swirl in her head, tugging her back to the uncertainty she’s been trying to avoid.
He notices the change in her immediately. The way her body tenses slightly, the furrow that forms between her brows. He’s seen this look before - when she’s lost in thought, when something’s weighing heavily on her. His grip tightens around her, and he presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head, trying to anchor her in the present.
She tilts her head up, meeting his gaze. There’s a softness in his eyes, a tenderness that makes her chest tighten. For a moment, neither of them speaks, the air thick. His hand comes up to brush a stray lock of hair from her face, his touch lingering on her cheek.
Her heart skips a beat as she tries to find the words to express the tangle of emotions inside her. But before she can speak, he abruptly breaks the silence.
“It’s never going to be exclusive or long-term with her. That’s not what we have.” he says, his voice steady but laced with something she can’t quite place. “You’re not destroying anything.”
The words hang in the air between them, heavy and final. He’s said them almost as if to preempt whatever she was going to say, as if to take away the guilt and confusion that’s been gnawing at her since this all began. His eyes search hers, gauging her reaction.
She blinks, trying to process what he’s just said. The admission should bring some relief, should ease the turmoil inside her, but instead, it leaves her feeling more conflicted. The clarity she sought doesn’t come; instead, she’s left with a hollowness that only deepens the questions she’s been grappling with.
“You think saying that makes this easier?” she finally asks, her voice barely above a whisper.
“I’m saying it because I don’t want you to feel guilty,” he replies, his tone firm but not unkind. “This—whatever this is—doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be just us, without any strings attached.”
She bites her lip, the words sinking in. He’s offering her an out, a way to keep whatever they have without the burden of labels or expectations. But is that really what she wants?
Especially now that her heart skips a beat whenever he comes around? 
“You were in love with him for a long time. This is what you need. Something that won’t trouble you.” His hand trails down her arm, grounding her in the moment. “You don’t have to overthink it,” he murmurs, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “We want each other.”
She likes him. More than she should, if a fling with her is all he wants. But she can't bring herself to push him away.
“We can just be.”
She looks up at him, searching his face for any sign of hesitation, but there’s none. He’s being honest with her, laying it all out so she can make her own choice.
“You're saying you've been seeing a girl for more than a year, but she's alright with you sleeping with me?”
“Think that's how an open relationship works. Don't you?”
She wants to ask who it is, but she has a feeling that's more trouble than it's worth.
“And what if I don't want this?”
“You can stop anytime. But you won't.”
His functional eye narrows and there's knots of muscle in both corners of his jaw, a slight twitch of the eyebrow. She likes him when he's like this.
She likes when he knows her. She likes that he's indispensable to her. She likes that he knows that too.
She kisses him and goes to sleep in his arms.
Does any of it matter if she gets to have him like this?
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The room is quiet except for the faint rustle of pages as Aemond flips through her sketchbook, his arm draped loosely around her shoulders. She traces absent-minded patterns on his chest, the tip of her finger skimming over the faint lines of his muscles, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing.
The dim light filters in through the curtains, casting a soft glow over them, highlighting the contentment on her face. Her head rests against him, hair fanned out over the pillow as she relaxes into the moment, her mind drifting aimlessly. 
Aemond’s fingers lazily flip through the pages filled with rough pencil strokes, some finished, others abandoned halfway. His gaze pauses on one drawing in particular - a silhouette of a woman standing at the edge of the sea, her figure gazing out toward the endless horizon.
He runs his thumb over the page, his voice low. “What’s this one?”
She turns her head, glancing at the sketch. Her lips curve into a small smile, though her mind drifts back to the scene that had inspired it. “I was hanging out at the Sunset Sea for a few days. I’d been studying Jaeron of Lys in my class with Professor Rivers, you know, the old painter?” He shifts slightly, and she shifts along with him. “His work was all about those distant, far-off humans in his portraits, always framed by these huge, sweeping landscapes.” 
Aemond listens intently, his fingers still resting on the paper as she speaks. He turns his head slightly toward her, encouraging her to continue.
“It’s why his work is so widely discussed. The people in his paintings are always so still. Silent. You barely notice them at first, almost like they’re not even the focus. But the longer you look, the more you wonder what they’re thinking, what they’re feeling. He made the audience do the work to comprehend them.”
Aemond’s brow furrows slightly, intrigued by the thought. “I’ve seen some of his work in the books. There’s this tension in it, like the figures are waiting for something, even though the rest of the world moves on around them.”
She nods. “Exactly. That tension is what makes it brilliant. What’s even more tragic, though, is what happened to him.” Her voice softens, the weight of the story pulling her deeper into it.
“Jaeron went blind in his later years. He couldn’t paint, couldn’t create for years. The grief of not being able to see art, beauty… it destroyed him. He never touched a brush again, not until he was on his deathbed. And even then, he wished for one last chance to paint.”
Aemond turns fully to face her now, propping his head on his hand, captivated by the story. “And did he?”
She nods, her gaze distant as she recalls the details from her class. “He did. Blind and frail, he recreated his first-ever painting—a woman looking into the sea. It was perfect, down to the smallest detail. His final masterpiece.”
“The class was about muscle memory in art,” she continues softly. “How creativity, no matter how burnt out you feel, is what makes you… you. Even after all that time, even when he couldn’t see, his body remembered. His hands knew the strokes, the curves, like he’d never left it.”
“Hm.” Aemond’s noncommittal sound hums through the air as she turns her head, her eyes searching his face. “It is,” she murmurs, almost to herself. “I think about that sometimes - how you can leave something behind, but when you pick it back up… it’s like it never left you either. You just know.”
His thumb traces slow, soothing circles over her hand, his attention fully on her as she sighs, lost in thought.
“A lot of it translates into real life,” she continues, her voice softer now. “Like cycling, or swimming… even driving. Things that require focus and rhythm.”
She pauses, a small smile tugging at her lips. “It’s like learning to be in sync with something, or someone.”
Aemond’s eyebrow quirks up slightly at her words, a hint of curiosity flickering in his gaze as she drops her eyes, feeling the warmth of his chest beneath her cheek. She presses on, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Like how we didn’t see each other for the entire summer,” she says, her fingers idly tracing patterns on his skin, “but when we came back together… the chemistry, whatever it is. It was there. You didn’t forget what I liked, and I didn’t forget either.”
Her words hang in the air, the silence stretching. She feels a pang of doubt, wondering if her attempt at lightness had been too blunt, too revealing, too… stupid. She glances up at him, ready to brush it off, but Aemond is staring straight ahead, his fingers threading gently through her hair, the weight of his thoughts visible. She can see the wheels turn in his head.
“I wouldn’t want to forget anything about you,” he says. His voice settles deep within her chest.
Her breath catches, and for a moment, she’s at a loss for words, the intensity of his statement catching her off guard. A flush creeps up her neck, coloring her cheeks, and she feels the fluttering in her chest threaten to overwhelm her.
Desperate to lighten the mood, to distract herself from the way his words made her feel, she lets out a shaky laugh, trying to mask her flustered mind. “You’re being fucking pretentious now,” she jokes, but her voice betrays her, a bit too breathless, a bit too forced.
Why say things like that if you don't mean them?
Aemond doesn’t respond immediately, his gaze steady on hers. He doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, just keeps looking at her with a quiet intensity that makes her heart race. The flutter in her chest doesn’t fade, and the realization hits her, taking her down with the force of a well-aimed punch to the gut.
He’s seen right through her.
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When she wakes, she glances at the clock—her classes start in an hour or so, but Aemond's are earlier, and he’s already gone. The quiet of the apartment feels warm, almost comforting.
She heads to the bathroom and steps into the shower. As the steam fogs up the glass, she notices faint traces of where his fingers must have absently brushed across the condensation, drawing random patterns. 
Proof that this isn’t a dream, he was hers last night.
After her shower, she rummages through his cupboard to find something to wear, but instead finds a shirt she left behind long ago, forgotten until now. She pulls it on, feeling the fabric cling to her still-damp skin, and shimmies into the same pants from yesterday. The hunger hits her suddenly, and she practically inhales the toast, eggs and coffee, savoring every bite.
As she prepares to leave, she looks for the keys to lock the apartment. By the keystand, a small note catches her eye. She picks it up, her heart giving a small flutter as she reads the familiar handwriting.
Remember your postcards.
She finds the small stack right next to the note and smiles. She picks it up and almost walks out, before she walks back in and takes the note along with her too.
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They sit across from each other at one of the long, narrow tables, the polished wood catching the golden hour light filtering through the tall windows.
Months have passed, and classes have begun again. Their time together has been good, even great, filled with moments that make her heart flutter more often than she’d care to admit. But with each passing day, a nagging feeling settles deeper in her chest - a constant reminder that they’re not dating, that her feelings for him shouldn’t matter. It’s something she has to tell herself over and over, especially when he does something that makes her smile in his own subtle way.
She’s focused on her laptop, typing away at her latest assignment, but her concentration wavers every now and then. She can’t help but sneak glances at Aemond, who’s engrossed in one of his textbooks, his brow furrowed in that familiar way that tugs at something deep within her.
Every so often, his foot nudges hers lightly under the table, a small gesture that sends a tingling sensation up her spine. It’s almost as if he does it without thinking, but the effect on her is anything but casual. She tries to keep her mind on her work, but the reminders keep coming - small touches that feel too intimate, like the brush of his hand against hers when they both reach for their coffee, or the way he sometimes squeezes her knee under the table, just for a moment, before going back to his reading as if nothing happened.
The thoughts swirl in her mind, making it harder and harder to focus. She needs a break, something to pull her away from these confusing feelings. So, she stands up, mumbling about needing a book for her research. Aemond doesn’t look up, but she can feel his presence, his quiet attention, as she walks away from the table.
She wanders through the rows of books, her fingers brushing along the spines as she tries to steady her thoughts. The library’s quiet, the only sounds the soft rustle of pages and the distant hum of conversation. She’s been walking for a few minutes when she suddenly stops, feeling a familiar presence behind her.
His shadow falls over her, unmistakable in its solidity, in the way it looms, tall and certain. Even without turning, she knows it’s Aemond. There’s something about the way he stands, the way his silhouette feels different from anyone else’s—broader, more composed, with an intensity that seems to fill the space around him.
She senses him draw closer, the warmth of his body pressing gently against her back. Her breath catches in her throat when she feels his hand brush her hair aside, the strands falling softly over her shoulder. Aemond’s fingers graze the nape of her neck, sending shivers down her spine. He leans in, his lips just barely touching her skin, teasing her with featherlight kisses that make her knees go weak.
“Hi,” she faintly murmurs. He grumbles just slightly, his voice low and rough in her ear, laced with a quiet amusement that makes her heart skip a beat. His breath is hot against her skin, and she can feel the faint rumble of his laugh as his lips travel along the curve of her neck.
Her breath catches as one of his hands slides under her skirt, fingers brushing over the curve of her ass, squeezing lightly before venturing lower, teasing the sensitive skin at the top of her thigh. The other hand moves up, slipping beneath her shirt. His touch is firm, confident, as his fingers trace over the fabric of her bra, finding the sensitive peaks of her nipples. He brushes over them, his touch sending a shudder through her that she can’t hide.
“Aemond…” she whispers, her voice a mix of plea and warning, but it only makes him smile against her skin.
“Tell me to stop, and I will,” he says softly, his voice full of a challenge she’s not sure she can meet. His fingers pinch lightly, just enough to make her gasp, the sound swallowed by his quiet groan of approval.
But she doesn’t tell him to stop. Instead, she leans back into him, her body betraying her mind as it seeks more of his touch. His hand on her ass tightens, pulling her against him, and she feels the heat of him, the way he presses against her as if he can’t get close enough.
“You drive me insane,” he murmurs, his lips trailing back up to her ear, nipping lightly at the lobe. “You know that, right?”
She nods, her breath coming in shallow, uneven bursts as his hand beneath her shirt continues its slow, deliberate torment.
“Say the word,” he whispers, his voice a low rumble that makes her insides twist with want. “Say it, and I’ll stop.”
But the words won’t come. Instead, she turns her head slightly, catching his gaze out of the corner of her eye, the intensity there stealing whatever resolve she thought she had. His eyes are dark, filled with something deep and consuming, and it’s in that moment she knows she’s lost.
“Aemond…” she breathes again, but this time, it’s not a warning. It’s an invitation, and he knows it. His hand leaves her ass, sliding around to her front, pulling her even closer, and she feels the low, satisfied hum in his chest as he kisses the side of her neck, harder this time, more insistent.
The hand slides further down, slipping beneath the waistband of her panties. His fingers move with agonizing slowness, tracing the curve of her before dipping into the heat between her thighs. She bites down on her lip, trying to stifle the gasp that escapes her as his fingers brush over her entrance.
“So wet for me,” he murmurs against her ear, his voice thick with desire. His fingers start to move in slow, deliberate circles, teasing and tormenting her with a touch that’s just enough to make her want more but not enough to satisfy the growing ache inside her.
She grips the edge of the bookshelf in front of her, knuckles turning white as she tries to stay quiet, but every slow, precise movement of his fingers makes it harder. Her breath hitches in her throat as he presses harder, moving against her in a way that makes her whole body tense with need.
“Please, Aemond,” she whispers, her voice trembling with the weight of everything she’s feeling. She wants more, needs more, and she knows he can give it to her.
A low, dark chuckle rumbles in his chest as he withdraws his hand, making her whimper at the loss. But before she can protest, he’s turning her around, his movements quick and deliberate, as if he’s been waiting for this just as much as she has.
He pushes her back against the shelves, his body pressing into hers, trapping her between the cool wood and his heat. His mouth is on hers before she can say anything else, kissing her hard and deep, swallowing the moan that escapes her as he reaches between them to tug her panties down. His fingers work deftly, the fabric falling to the floor around her ankles as he frees himself from his pants.
He pulls back just enough to meet her eyes, his gaze dark and filled with something primal. “It’s a shame,” he murmurs, his voice low and rough. “I quite like it when you scream.”
Her breath catches at his words, the anticipation tightening in her stomach as he leans in, his lips brushing against her ear. “But you’re going to have to be quiet, or they’ll hear you.”
He doesn’t give her a chance to respond before he’s lifting her leg, wrapping it around his waist as he guides himself to her entrance. She gasps as he pushes into her slowly, stretching her inch by inch in a way that feels both torturous and utterly perfect.
She bites down on her lip to keep from crying out, the intensity of the sensation almost too much to bear as he fills her completely. His hand slides under her shirt again, pushing the fabric up and palming her breast, his thumb brushing over her nipple in a way that makes her arch against him, her body desperate for more of his touch.
He begins to move, thrusting into her with a slow, steady rhythm that has her head spinning. Each movement is deliberate, controlled, as if he’s savoring every moment, every sound she makes. She can’t help the small moans that escape her, each one muffled against his shoulder as she clings to him, her body trembling with the force of her need.
But even her attempts to stay quiet aren’t enough to satisfy him. He kisses her again, harder this time, swallowing her cries as he picks up the pace, his hips snapping against hers with a force that makes the bookshelf behind her rattle. The sounds of the library fade away, leaving only the echo of their ragged breaths and the wet, slick sounds of their bodies moving together.
“So fucking perfect,” he groans, his lips brushing against her ear as he pounds into her, each thrust hitting deeper, harder.
She can feel the tension building inside her, the pressure coiling tighter and tighter with every thrust. Her fingers dig into his back, holding on to him like he’s the only thing keeping her anchored to the ground.
“I need you,” she gasps, her voice a desperate whisper against his neck. “Please, Aemond… don’t stop.” The thrill of being caught only seems to make her want more.
His response is a low, guttural sound that sends shivers down her spine. He shifts slightly, changing the angle just enough to hit that perfect spot inside her, and suddenly she’s teetering on the edge, every nerve in her body alight with sensation.
“Come for me,” he whispers, his voice a dark command that she can’t resist.
And she does. Her body shatters around him, her release crashing over her in waves that leave her trembling and breathless. He kisses her again, swallowing her cries as he thrusts into her harder, faster, riding out her orgasm until she’s nothing but a quivering mess in his arms.
Aemond isn’t far behind. With a few more powerful thrusts, he buries himself deep inside her, his body going rigid as he finds his own release, groaning her name against her lips as he spills into her.
They stay like that for a moment, both of them breathing heavily, their bodies pressed together as they come down from the high. He kisses her softly, his lips lingering on hers as if he’s reluctant to pull away, and for a moment, it’s just the two of them, lost in the aftermath of what they’ve just shared.
When he finally pulls back, there’s a look in his eyes that she can’t quite place, something intense and raw that makes her heart skip a beat. He smooths her hair back, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead before helping her adjust her clothes, his touch now tender, almost reverent.
When she’s done with adjusting herself, she brings her hands over her mouth and lets out a long, shuddering breath - disbelief, over what they’d just done. He seems quite unfazed, almost as if he constantly engages in semi-public sex and she can’t help but wonder.
Has he done this with her too?
When he pulls her into his chest with an arm over her shoulder, she smiles. She smiles and smiles and smiles until her lips go taut and her dimples are seemingly permanent.
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Aemond pushes open the door to her room, stepping inside with a quiet creak of the hinges. He pauses, his gaze taking in the chaos that greets him: clothes scattered across the floor, stacks of books and sketch pads teetering on the edge of her desk, and an assortment of half-packed bags and boxes cluttering every available surface. 
Raising an eyebrow, he surveys the scene with amusement. “You’ve been busy,” he says, his tone both teasing and intrigued.
She glances up from where she is hunched over a suitcase, her hands busy stuffing garments into it with an absentminded efficiency. “I am,” she says with a sigh, straightening up and brushing a stray lock of hair from her face. “I’m packing to go back home next week. One of my older half-brothers is launching his business, and my dad called me today. He’s got plane tickets for me, so I thought I’d just stay at King’s Landing until the Targaryen Charity Benefit.”
Her eyes flicker over to him, a hint of apology in them as if she were embarrassed by the state of her room. “I’m taking my classes online while I’m there.”
Aemond hums, his gaze drifting to the cluttered bed as he sits at the edge. He runs a hand through his hair, still processing her news. “You’ll be gone for three weeks.”
She leaves the mess behind and stands in front of him, between his legs. Almost as though it’s second nature, she straddles him, her legs wrapping around his waist. His hands settle on her hips, holding her in place, and she smiles. “Yes, whatever will you do without me?”
Aemond’s grip tightens around her hips as she straddles him. He lifts a hand to brush a strand of hair from her face, his touch tender. Without a word, she leans down, capturing his lips in a soft, lingering kiss.
It’s gentle at first. His hands roam up her back, steadying her against him, while her fingers trace the line of his jaw, feeling the sharp angles beneath her touch. She melts into him, savoring the warmth of his chest and the familiar feel of his arms around her.
Her mind betrays her, hitting her with the sudden realization of how much she cares for him - how her feelings have resurfaced in full force despite everything. She told herself before that this was casual, but now, pressed against him, it's impossible to ignore the tenderness of the moment, how much it means to her.
Just as she's about to lose herself entirely, Aemond pulls back slightly, his lips brushing against hers as he speaks softly. “Come with me… to the Targaryen Charity Benefit.”
She blinks, his words cutting through the haze of her thoughts. “What?”
He meets her eyes, his thumb stroking her side. “Come with me.”
“As your date?” She raises her eyebrows, knowing very well that going with him to public events is probably not a safe bet to make.
“As whatever you’d like.”
Her heart skips a beat, the invitation sending a flutter through her chest. For a moment, she hesitates, her mind whirling. She can see herself there, on his arm, but doubt quickly gnaws at her. What about the other woman? The one she knows he’s seeing? Wouldn't that complicate things further?
But she pushes the thoughts aside, smiling softly at him as she whispers, “Okay.”
Before she can overthink it, she leans down and kisses him again, her lips urgent against his, as though trying to drown out the uncertainty lingering in her mind. But as the kiss deepens, the doubt creeps back in. Can she really be the girl on his arm without stirring up more trouble? Will his other entanglements only complicate things further? What are they even doing?
She can’t shake the feeling that it’s not as simple as he makes it sound.
Pulling back from the kiss, her breath still mingling with his, her fingers still on his chest. The question that’s been nagging at the back of her mind breaks through, and she can’t keep it at bay any longer. “What about her?” she asks, her voice quieter now. “The girl you’re seeing… is that not going to be a problem?”
Aemond’s expression shifts ever so slightly, a flicker of something unreadable passing through his gaze. He sighs, his hands resting lightly on her hips as he looks down, avoiding her eyes for a moment. “It’s not what we do,” he says, his voice soft but edged with a weight that makes her heart sink. “We don’t… go out.”
There’s a heaviness to his words, something almost resigned in the way he says them. It breaks her heart just slightly, the realization that this other girl—whoever she is— isn’t someone he even takes out in public. But why? Why would he hide someone if she wasn’t important to him in some way? Why come to her if she was important?
Her brows knitted together as she looked at him, searching his face for answers. “Why?” she asked softly, the question slipping out before she could stop herself. “Why hide her if she’s not…?”
He met her gaze then, his expression hard to read. For a moment, he didn’t say anything, as if weighing his response. “It’s complicated,” he finally said, his voice low, almost distant. “It’s not what we do. We can’t… it’s not what we do.”
The way he said it, the way the words hung between them, sent a pang through her chest. She had no idea what he was dealing with, but it was clear that whatever this was with the other woman wasn’t as simple as she’d imagined. Still, it left her wondering if she’d ever really have him, all of him, or if he was always going to be torn between worlds she couldn’t fully understand.
She looked away, trying to process it all. The warmth of his body against hers, the comfort of his arms around her—none of it could quiet the confusion that swirled in her mind. Aemond’s fingers tightened ever so slightly on her hips as he noticed the way her expression shifted, the light in her eyes dimming.
“Hey,” he murmured, his voice softer now, almost pleading. He lifted a hand to cup her face, gently turning her head so she’d look at him. His thumb brushed lightly over her cheek. “It’s not what you think.”
She held his gaze for a moment, her expression guarded, but the doubt lingered in her eyes. “Isn’t it?”
Aemond exhaled, feeling the weight of the moment press down on him. “It’s not like that with her,” he said, his voice low, steady. “She won’t mind.”
She won’t mind. She won’t mind. She won’t mind. She won’t-
Her time with him was all because this other girl did not mind. And if she did? What then?
The words echoed in her mind, reverberating off every wall of her thoughts until they drowned out the sound of Aemond’s voice, the warmth of his touch. She won’t mind. It burned into her, the reality she had been pushing aside - her time with him, their moments together, the intimacy they shared, all hinged on the indifference of another woman. Her existence in his life was allowed because someone else didn’t care enough to stop it.
But what if she did? What if this other woman, whoever she was, suddenly decided she did care? What if, one day, Aemond had to choose? She already knew the answer, and it made her stomach twist painfully.
Her mind raced, flicking through every moment they’d shared - every touch, every kiss, every lingering glance - and she saw it clearly now. This arrangement, whatever it was, wasn’t the casual thing she had imagined. It was precarious, temporary, held together by his convenience and Aemond’s careful balancing act between her and someone else. And if that balance tipped? If the other girl did mind?
The thought is ugly, but she can’t help it.
She’ll be the one left behind, a brief chapter in his life, an afterthought in the wake of his real relationship. The thought makes her sick. She doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t put her first, who keeps her around because it’s easy and doesn’t disrupt his life. She doesn’t want to be the girl waiting in the wings, always wondering when it’ll end, when she’ll be discarded because something else took precedence.
Aemond’s touch no longer feels like a comfort. His words, however sweet, now seem hollow. She wants him, yes—wants him desperately, but not like this. She doesn’t need him. Not so much that she would destroy herself, let herself be diminished, just to be with him.
She doesn’t want to help him keep up his image while he spends the entire night waiting to go back to her.
The realization hits her like a wave, flooding her with a clarity she hasn’t grasped before. She’s been clinging to him, holding on to the fragments of what they have because she thought she couldn’t let go. But now, she sees it for what it is. She deserves more than being someone’s second choice, someone’s convenience.
She exhales softly and looks at him, really looks at him. His sharp features, silver hair falling slightly into his eyes, his expression holding mild confusion as he notices her shift. He’s beautiful, enigmatic, the kind of person who draws you in without even trying. And she loves him. That much is clear. But she loves herself, too. And this—this isn’t good for her.
For a long moment, she stays silent, her heart thudding in her chest as she gathers the courage to say what she knows has to be said. Her eyes search his face, memorizing him, this moment. Because after this, everything will change. There will be no going back.
All of this is happening on borrowed time - she deserves more.
Before she can fully process her resolve, Aemond moves. In one swift motion, he lifts her effortlessly, a startled gasp escaping her lips as he throws her back onto the bed. Her body bounces lightly against the sheets, her heart pounding as she looks up at him. He looms above her, a quiet intensity in his eyes, and for a second, everything else fades away - there’s only him.
His thumb grazes her bottom lip, slow and deliberate, as if he’s committing the feel of her to memory. She can’t tear her gaze away, her breath hitching when he leans down, pressing his forehead against hers. The warmth of his skin, the closeness of his breath - it’s intoxicating, and despite everything, despite her earlier resolve, she feels herself crumbling.
“Come with me.” His voice is low, a quiet plea she can't resist. Their foreheads press together, breath mingling, and for a moment, it feels like the world is holding its breath.
Her heart wavers, but the word slips out before she can stop it. “Okay.”
And then he's on her, kissing her with an intensity that steals her breath. His hands roam her body, rough yet tender, like he can't get enough of her. She melts beneath him, her hands tangling in his silver hair, pulling him closer, deeper.
Their bodies move together, a rhythm they know too well. He pushes into her slowly at first, drawing out her pleasure until she's arching into him, her breath coming in short, desperate gasps. His hands grip her hips, holding her steady as his thrusts become more urgent, more insistent.
She moans, her nails digging into his back under his shirt as she rides the waves of her release, trembling beneath him. But he isn’t done.
Before she can catch her breath, Aemond flips her over, positioning her on all fours. The cool air hits her back, sharp against the heat of his touch, and she shivers. His lips trace her spine with sweet kisses before he grips her hips again, pulling her back towards him.
Without warning, he thrusts into her hard and deep, and she cries out, her fingers clenching the sheets as he fills her completely. His movements are rough, every thrust powerful, almost desperate, as he chases his own pleasure. She can feel the tension in his body, the way his fingers dig into her skin, the low growl escaping his lips as he loses himself in her.
Each thrust sends her reeling, her body arching as he pounds into her, the bed creaking beneath them. The pressure builds again, her senses overwhelmed by the roughness of his touch, the way his body dominates hers. It’s primal, raw, and she gives in to it, letting the pleasure wash over her once more.
He moves faster, harder, his breaths ragged as he pushes them both to the edge. His fingers tighten on her hips, pulling her back into him with each powerful thrust, his control slipping. She feels him tense behind her, his rhythm faltering as he reaches his peak, his final thrusts erratic and frantic.
With one final, forceful push, he groans, his body trembling as he spills into her, his grip tightening as he holds her close. She gasps, her own body quivering from the intensity of it all, pleasure mingling with the rawness of what they’ve just shared.
Aemond shifts beside her, wrapping his arms around her waist as he pulls her into his chest. His warmth envelops her, the steady rise and fall of his breathing soothing against her skin. She nestles closer, feeling the way his body fits perfectly around hers, his arm draped possessively over her stomach.
The room is quiet, just the sound of their breathing filling the space. She stares at the wall, her mind still spinning from everything—the way he held her, the feel of his body against hers. It feels so real, so perfect, and it terrifies her.
"I'm hungry," she whines.
And then, he laughs. It’s quiet, just a low chuckle, but she feels his whole body move behind her, his chest pressing into her back as his shoulders shake slightly. She doesn’t need to see his face to know how he looks when he laughs - his lips upturned slightly, the sound soft but genuine, his whole body leaning forward with it. It’s rare, but she cherishes it every time.
She smiles to herself, her heart swelling in her chest. She likes him too much, more than she ever thought she would. Maybe she even loves him. The thought sends a pang through her, bittersweet and undeniable. Loving him wasn’t supposed to happen, not like this, but it’s too late to deny it.
But she’ll leave soon. And when she comes back, she’ll tell him the truth. She needs to know if there’s space for her in his life, or if the woman he guards so fiercely already holds that place.
Her chest tightens at the thought. She wants to be the one he turns to, the one he holds like this, the one he laughs with. But she can’t let herself be second. Not again.
She closes her eyes, breathing in the moment, memorizing how it feels to be wrapped in his arms. Because when she returns, everything will change.
One way or another.
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She sits cross-legged on Arianne’s living room floor, nursing a glass of wine as she absentmindedly swirls the deep red liquid around in her glass. The cozy, dimly lit flat is filled with the soft sounds of an old record playing in the background, casting a nostalgic haze over the room. Arianne, always effortlessly composed, lounges on the couch, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders as she watches her with a knowing look in her eyes.
"You sneaky little bitch," Arianne says, narrowing her eyes playfully, lips curving into a teasing smirk. She exaggerates a cross-eyed look, making her wince and laugh in guilt.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner,” she mumbles, her fingers tightening around the stem of her glass.
“Yeah, you should have,” Arianne huffs, tossing a pillow at her. “I would’ve liked to know you were fucking Aemond Targaryen, for gods’ sake! Girl, you should have told me!”
She winces again, guilt gnawing at her. “I’m sor—"
“Aemond. Fucking. Targaryen of all people,” Arianne says, incredulous, her eyes wide as she takes a gulp of her wine. “He doesn’t seem like your type, though. What’s going on there?”
She blinks, a little taken aback by that. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well,” Arianne begins, leaning back into the couch with a lazy smile, “he’s Aemond Targaryen. The man calls Facebook ‘Book of the Face,’ for crying out loud. Posh, arrogant prick.”
“He’s posh? You’re a bloody Martell!” She retorts, raising her glass to her lips. “And for the record, he’s not even on Facebook.”
Arianne rolls her eyes dramatically. “Weird. I’d have thought the youngest one, Daeron, would’ve been more your type. The life of the party, you know?”
Of course, she’d say that. Arianne has known the Targaryens for most of her life. The Martells, like the Targaryens, are part of Westeros' seven most prominent families—the others being the Starks, Lannisters, Tullys, Tyrells, and Baratheons. In these circles, it’s not just about wealth or influence; it's about legacy. Apart from the reclusive Starks, the children of these families grow up in each other's orbits, attending the same elite schools, galas, and events that reinforce their status at the top.
Wherever life takes them, they find one another, keeping close within their exclusive, almost impenetrable social circle. Friendships and rivalries are passed down from generation to generation, their connections as powerful as the fortunes they control. She understands this better than anyone. Her family, after all, has sat on the board of Targaryen Consolidated for generations, their fates intertwined with the silver-haired dynasty. It’s a world where the personal and professional are inseparable, where trust is as valuable as the wealth that surrounds them.
She shifts uncomfortably. “Yeah, Daeron’s... charming in his own way, but he’s basically Aegon if he wasn’t trying to screw anything in a dress.”
Arianne bursts into laughter, loud and unfiltered, leaning her head back. “Aegon’s fun though! I’ve hooked up with him a couple of times, and the sex was goo-ood!”
She groans, burying her face in her hands. “Ew, stop!”
“I’m just saying,” Arianne continues, completely unbothered. “Aegon may be a bit of a mess, but at least he knows how to have a good time. Aemond, on the other hand…” She trails off, raising an eyebrow, clearly amused by the whole situation. “I can’t believe you’re with him.”
She rolls her eyes, though a small smile tugs at her lips. “It’s not like that. Not really.”
Arianne scoots closer, intrigued. “Oh? Do tell.”
She sighs, taking a deep breath before the words tumble out. “I think I’m falling for him, Ari. But... It's so confusing. I mean, I was in love with Daeron not even a year ago. How does that even look? Like I’m hopping from one brother to the other.”
Arianne’s teasing expression softens at that, and she reaches out, placing a hand on her knee. “You…” she says gently, her voice lacking its usual playful edge. “You’re not hopping from one brother to the next. You’re figuring out what you want. It’s okay to change, to grow. And it’s okay to love someone new.”
Arianne tilts her head, considering her words carefully. “Look, if Aemond thought you were confused, he wouldn’t be spending all this time with you. He’s smart—too smart to waste his time on something that doesn’t matter to him. And from what you’ve told me, it sounds like he does care about you.”
She lets the words sink in, her chest tightening. “But it’s so much more complicated. He’s seeing someone—or was seeing someone. I don’t even know. He says it’s not serious, but…”
Arianne lets out a sympathetic sigh, pulling her into a side hug. “You need to talk to him. Really talk to him. Figure out where you both stand.”
She leans into her, resting her head on Arianne’s shoulder. “I’m scared. What if telling him ruins everything?”
Arianne rubs her back gently. “And what if it doesn’t? What if this is exactly what you both need to figure out where you’re going? You can’t keep avoiding it.”
She takes a deep breath, nodding. “You’re right. I’ll talk to him when I get back.”
“And if it’s real,” Arianne adds softly, “you won’t lose him. But if it’s not... you’ll be okay. I think you deserve better anyway.”
“Stop!” She whines. She then smiles, feeling lighter. “Thanks, Ari.”
“Anytime,” Arianne grins, nudging her playfully. “Now, can we please watch something trashy and stop talking about your Targaryen boys? My brain needs a break from all this drama.”
She laughs, grateful for the distraction. “I brought soda and chips!”
Arianne cheers, grabbing the remote. “You know just how to spoil me.”
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“Ae-mond, please…”
On their last night before her flight back to King's Landing, they move slowly together, every touch deliberate and heavy. Their bodies come together with a fervor that’s almost desperate, as if they’re trying to hold onto something that’s slipping through their fingers.
Each kiss feels like a search, an attempt to erase the lingering traces of someone else’s touch from his skin. She wonders if she’ll ever fully wash away the imprint of another’s fingertips, or if she’s merely adding her own layer to him. Every caress, every kiss is an exercise in forensics, a quest to mark him with her own brand, hoping that her touch will replace any remnants of someone else.
As he presses into her with a familiar, almost instinctive harshness, she can’t help but wonder if the other girl’s body was fuller, more curvaceous. The way he handles her, the way he’s rough and gentle all at once, speaks of an experience that goes beyond her. His touch is meticulous, as if he’s dedicated to exploring every contour of her body with a reverence she feels he must have practiced before.
She’s acutely aware that he isn’t new to the art of adoration. His hands, his lips, his entire presence seem to carry a certain expertise—each stroke, each touch is a testament to a history of worshiping a woman’s body with precision and care. He seems to know exactly where to touch, how to press, as if he’s memorized the map of desire and is determined to chart every inch of her.
With every touch, she is reminded that there is someone else. It breaks her like nothing else.
Aemond’s hands roam with purpose, tracing every curve, every hollow with a skill that leaves her breathless. She can’t shake the thought that this is a ritual of sorts, a final act of devotion before she departs. Each touch, each kiss feels like an affirmation of what they’ve shared, an attempt to seal their moments together into something tangible, something she can carry with her.
As she nears her release, her body arches and shudders beneath him, her breath coming in short, desperate gasps. He follows soon after, his movements urgent and final, his breath ragged against her skin.
Afterward, they lie together in the dim room, the sounds of crickets chirping softly through the open window.
“How are you getting to the airport?” His voice is soft in a way that she wishes she can bottle up and take with her.
“Dad’s sending a car to the flat,” she replies, her voice muffled by the pillow and his embrace.
The room is filled with the subtle buzz of the lamp and the gentle rustling of the curtains in the night breeze. Aemond pulls her close, his arms wrapping around her as he kisses her shoulder tenderly.
When they wake, he says nothing as she takes a shower in a hurry to leave. He cooks a quick breakfast for them both with whatever he could find in her fridge, and she eats like a woman starved. He kisses her gently before he lets her go, and she cannot help but think.
She’s leaving every inch of Aemond to another woman exclusively for three weeks. What if he decides he does not want her when she comes back?
Then the thought at the back of her mind resurfaces - that she’s the other woman. No matter what Aemond says, she knows that much to be true.
“Aemond…?” She murmurs, quickly debating whether or not she should tell him now, if only so that he’d be tempted to not push her aside completely in her absence.
“Hm?”
“Nothing.” 
The words die on her tongue, just like a piece of her heart does when she gets on the plane.
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The weeks pass by in a blur, and soon she finds herself standing in a crowded event hall, meeting her half-siblings after what feels like an eternity. Two of them are launching their new venture in the city, and the occasion has brought them all together. She interacts with them as much as she can, offering polite conversation and smiles, but she can’t help but feel a quiet astonishment at how little she truly knows about them. Despite the shared blood, they seem like strangers bound only by a distant connection.
It isn’t surprising, really. Jasper Wylde’s five children by his first wife had been adults long before he met her mother, and by the time she was born, the youngest of them was just leaving for college. The age gap, the separate lives - they had grown up worlds apart. There’s only so much they could have in common, and that knowledge weighs heavily on her as she exchanges pleasantries with them, feeling the disconnect more keenly with each passing moment.
She watches them closely - the way they move through the crowd, how they speak to each other with an ease that she’s never known with them. They have their own inside jokes, shared memories, and a rhythm that she’s never been a part of. It’s like watching a family dynamic she can’t quite break into, one she’s always been on the outskirts of. Even as they make small talk, she feels the invisible walls between them, the years of absence and unfamiliarity creating a distance that no amount of cordiality can erase.
But she plays her part—engages when they speak to her, listens as they recount their stories, and smiles when it’s appropriate. Yet all the while, she feels that sense of being on the outside looking in. They talk about their father, Jasper, with a familiarity that she can’t match, their experiences with him vastly different from her own. It’s clear that, in many ways, they had a father she never really knew.
What amazes her most, though, is how much closer she feels to the Targaryens than to her own blood. The realization strikes her with a quiet weight as she stands among her half-siblings, exchanging polite words, but never quite connecting. With the Targaryens, everything feels different—natural, easy, as though she belongs in their orbit in a way she never has with her own family.
With the Targaryens, she doesn’t feel like she’s on the outside looking in. She belongs. In their world, she’s more than just the youngest child of a man with a complicated past - she’s someone who matters.
Being home has made her feel strangely untethered. It’s not that she isn’t used to it—this distance from Aemond—but somehow, this time it feels different. Maybe it’s because she knows she’ll see him again soon, in just a matter of weeks, but it feels like the days are dragging by, each one marked by the weight of missing him.
She lies in bed late one evening, her phone resting on the pillow next to her, waiting for the familiar buzz. It’s become a routine—Aemond calling just before she falls asleep, his voice the last thing she hears at night. When the phone finally lights up with his name, she answers without hesitation.
"Hey," she says, trying to keep her voice casual, but her heart picks up the pace as soon as she hears his breath on the other end.
"Hey," he replies softly. There’s a brief pause, and she can hear the faint sounds of his apartment in the background—the muffled hum of traffic, the creak of his chair. "How’s home?"
"Fine, I guess. Quiet." She smiles a little, thinking of how everything feels slower here. "I saw my half-siblings today, for the launch thing."
"How was that?" His tone is neutral, but she knows he’s asking because he cares, not out of mere politeness.
"It was... weird. I don’t know, I barely know them. I guess I’m just realizing how distant we are." She pauses, feeling the words settle in the quiet between them. "I feel closer to your family than to mine. Maybe because yours is the better family. Although, I do have the better father."
He’s quiet for a moment, and she imagines him leaning back in his chair, considering her words. “I can assure you, your family is just fine. You don’t want mine.”
She laughs, a little caught off guard by the softness in his voice. "Yeah, maybe."
They fall into an easy rhythm after that, talking about nothing in particular—work, the weather, what he had for dinner. It’s all so simple, so familiar, and yet she finds herself hanging on every word, savoring the sound of his voice, the way he says her name. It’s the closest she can get to him right now, and it isn’t enough.
There’s a pause, and then Aemond asks, "So, how long now? Two weeks?"
She bites her lip, her heart skipping a beat. "Yeah, just about."
"You’re counting the days?"
She can hear the smile in his voice, and she feels her cheeks flush despite herself. "Maybe."
"You miss me," he says, his voice gentle, and it’s not a question. It’s a statement, and it lands with a weight that she can feel in her chest.
"Maybe I do," she admits quietly, her heart pounding. There’s a moment of silence, and in that space, the truth presses at the edges of her thoughts, threatening to spill out.
When she speaks again, her voice is softer, more serious. "Aemond, we need to talk.”
She hears him shift on the other end, a subtle rustling of fabric. "What is it?"
She hesitates, not ready to say it yet. "A conversation best had in person."
"Alright," he says, his voice low, almost tender. 
She hangs up, her heart racing, her fingers still gripping the phone tightly. The warmth of his words lingers, solidifying her resolve. When she sees him again, she’ll tell him. She’ll tell him everything.
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The event takes place in a grand hall, tucked away in the heart of the city but worlds apart from the modern, bustling life outside. The walls are lined with rich mahogany wood, centuries-old oil portraits of stern ancestors in gilded frames, and shelves stacked high with leather-bound books whose spines are worn with age. 
She steps inside and is immediately enveloped in the hushed murmurs of conversation, the gentle clinking of crystal glasses, and the soft rustle of fabric as guests move gracefully through the dimly lit space. Despite the outward calm, there’s an electric tension in the air as the auctioneer lifts the gavel to announce each winning bid. There’s a certain satisfaction, almost smug, in the faces of those who come away with a prized possession, as if they’ve secured another piece of their heritage. For the others, there’s no outward disappointment—just a cool, composed silence, knowing there will be another opportunity to prove their worth.
She sits back, observing it all, feeling both a part of this world and strangely removed from it. The dark paneling on the walls, the rich smell of leather and smoke, the soft glow of the fireplace at the far end of the room - it’s all familiar, yet there’s something about it that feels performative, as if the evening is a carefully constructed illusion. The charity, the good intentions, seem secondary to the ritual of it all. As the final item is brought out - a centuries-old manuscript in a glass case - the room stills. In the end, the manuscript is sold for an astronomical price. The gavel falls with a sharp crack, and polite applause ripples through the crowd, though it’s more a gesture of respect than enthusiasm.
As the final round of applause fades, the grand oak doors at the back of the room swing open, and Viserys Targaryen steps forward. His presence is immediately felt, even if he looks frail and thinner than ever before. She heard from Aemond that he’d taken up residence at Dragonstone now, having bought an apartment for himself to stay after his parents' secret, unofficial separation.
"Ladies and gentlemen," his voice is smooth, warm, and commanding all at once, carrying easily over the subdued murmur of the crowd. "What a night this has been. I’m not sure what’s more impressive - the art we’ve auctioned off or the fact that some of you managed to keep your bids as discreet as you did. Subtlety, after all, is an art in itself," he says with a slight chuckle, eliciting polite laughter from the audience.
"Your generosity tonight is overwhelming," he continues, his tone shifting to one of sincere gratitude. "These contributions will go a long way in supporting the causes we hold dear, ensuring that history is preserved for future generations to appreciate - something I think we all understand better than most."
"And now," Viserys adds with a glint of amusement, "I know you’ve all been quite serious about your bidding, but it's time to relax a little." The room hums in agreement.
"Please," he gestures toward the doors leading to the adjoining ballroom, "join me for a night of music, dancing, and, of course, more wine. I think we’ve all earned it after such a spectacular evening."
With a final smile, Viserys steps down from the podium, the soft clapping of the crowd filling the room as guests begin to rise from their seats, gathering their evening coats and handbags. The heavy double doors to the ballroom swing open, revealing a space even grander than the auction hall. The light spills out, golden and inviting, as the soft strains of a string quartet begin to play from within.
She takes her father’s hand and walks in with him, their pace in tandem with each other. 
Do you think we’ll make it through this evening without someone bringing up a new investment opportunity?" she murmurs, her voice laced with dry amusement, eyes scanning the sea of chandeliers, gilded mirrors, and finely dressed people mingling as they enter the ballroom.
Jasper Wylde glances down at her with a half-smile. "Doubt it," he says. "There’s always someone with a 'brilliant' idea that just needs a little backing."
She lets out a soft chuckle. "Maybe we should place bets on who brings it up first."
"Ten crowns on Lord Massey," he says, his tone casual, but the glint in his eye betrays his amusement. "He’s been circling us all night."
"You're on," she replies, feeling lighter as they reach the grand archway leading into the ballroom. The gentle strains of the string quartet swirl around them, and she allows herself to soak in the surroundings.
Their moment of ease is brief. As soon as they step fully into the room, a cohort of middle-aged men in dark suits, all clutching glasses of whiskey, make their approach, their faces lighting up at the sight of her father. She can see the shift in his demeanor - the casualness dropping ever so slightly, replaced by a more guarded, professional air.
"Ah, here we go," Jasper mutters under his breath. 
One of the men, a stocky figure with graying hair and a booming voice, claps her father on the shoulder. "Ironrod, just the man we were looking for!" he says, raising his glass. "We were just discussing the latest venture down in Storm’s End. Care to weigh in?"
Her father gives her a rueful look, the corner of his mouth quirking as if to say I told you so. "Duty calls," he says softly to her, before turning to the group with a more affable expression. "Gentlemen, lead the way."
And just like that, he’s swept up into the conversation, nodding and exchanging knowing glances with the men as they disappear into a corner of the ballroom. Before she can fully orient herself, Daeron appears at her side, his usual easy grin plastered across his face.
"Well, look who it is," he says warmly, pulling her into a quick embrace. "I thought I'd have to search the entire ballroom to find you."
She laughs lightly. "I wasn’t hiding, just waiting for you to make your grand entrance. How was Essos?"
Daeron’s face lights up, and he launches into a recount of his summer abroad with Helaena, his energy infectious. "It was wild. Good time with Hel, she took me along to the coastline and we went around looking for almost-extinct bugs in Lys." He rolls his eyes but there’s fondness in his voice.
She smiles at the thought of Helaena. "Sounds like her. Where is she tonight?"
"With our grandfather and Aemond, somewhere over there," Daeron says, nodding toward a nearby cluster of people. Sure enough, she spots Helaena waving enthusiastically, her face alight with joy as she talks to Otto. Aemond, standing next to her, gives a small, almost imperceptible nod when their eyes meet. His gaze lingers for a moment longer than it should, and her heart stirs in response.
She can’t help but smile softly, and, on a whim, she winks at him. She’s had a bad feeling about this night ever since she woke, but it all dissipates massively the moment his gaze meets hers. He doesn’t react outwardly, but there’s something in his posture that shifts ever so slightly, a subtle acknowledgment.
Daeron catches the exchange but remains oblivious, laughing as he gestures to the ballroom. "Come on, let’s take a look around. It's the same as always, but a little darker, don't you think?"
“Perhaps,” she remarks dryly, glancing around at the decadent decor.
As they stroll through the room, their eyes catch Will Tyrell, who is deep in conversation with an older man near the far end of the ballroom.
"Ah, Will," Daeron says, grinning as he gestures toward him. "His father's expanding their business, you know. Will's been training to take over soon. Everyone's talking about it."
"I’ve seen him around campus," she replies, keeping her voice casual. "We almost hooked up once, actually."
Daeron raises an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Really? What happened?"
Her stomach twists at the memory, a flash of the panic that had overwhelmed her that night. She remembers calling Aemond, his voice steadying her over the phone as she told him where she was. He’d picked her up, no questions asked. The bitterness that rises in her throat is unexpected, but it’s there, sharp and real.
"Don’t even ask," she mutters, her voice tight as she glances away, trying to shake off the heaviness of the memory.
Daeron, sensing her shift in mood, just nods, his usual carefree demeanor faltering slightly. He doesn’t push for details, instead flashing her a soft smile as they continue to walk through the room, the tension between them dissipating into the hum of the ballroom.
"Oh look, it’s the little runts," Aegon drawls, his speech a bit slurred. He saunters toward them, an empty champagne flute dangling from his fingers, Sara Snow by his side. She’s looking slightly amused, though there’s a softness in her expression that suggests she's trying to rein him in.
"Aegon," Daeron greets him with mock surprise, a grin spreading across his face. “Dude you’re already drunk, mum’s going to kill you.”
"Give it time," Aegon quips with a lazy smirk. "The night’s still young, brother."
Sara stifles a laugh, though her eyes are warm as she glances up at Aegon. "I’m doing my best to make sure he behaves," she says, her voice carrying a playful edge.
"Oh, please," Daeron rolls his eyes. "Aegon behaving is like...what, dragons coming back to life?”
"Exactly," Aegon retorts. "No fun at all."
"Yeah, you're all fun and no taste," Daeron jabs back. "In...well, pretty much everything."
Aegon dramatically clutches his chest as if wounded. "Excuse you, I happen to have impeccable taste."
"Oh really?" she chimes in, unable to resist the tease. "Let's not forget the time you tried to convince everyone that that neon green sports car was ‘classy.’ Or when you spent a fortune on that God-awful abstract painting that looked like a child had spilled paint on a canvas."
Aegon raises an eyebrow, clearly unfazed. "Hey, that car is an acquired taste, and the painting? It’s avant-garde. You wouldn’t get it."
Daeron bursts out laughing, shaking his head. "Right, keep telling yourself that."
But before anyone else can jump in, she adds with a smirk, "To be fair, Aegon has great taste in women."
Sara, who had been quietly listening, suddenly blushes furiously, her cheeks turning a deep shade of pink. She ducks her head, trying to hide her smile, but it’s clear she’s both flattered and embarrassed by the comment.
Aegon, however, grins wickedly. "Ah, finally, someone recognizes my true genius," he says, draping an arm around Sara, who shoots him a look but doesn’t pull away.
"Yeah, genius is the word I’d use," Daeron deadpans, earning another round of laughter from the group.
Aegon, noticeably tipsy and grinning like a Cheshire cat, leans in close to Sara, his words slightly garbled. "You know, Sara, I just remembered I left something...um, somewhere. How about we go find it together?"
Sara looks at him with a mixture of amusement and mild concern, but before she can respond, Aegon takes her hand and starts to guide her toward the door.
"Careful with that one," Daeron calls out, his tone light and teasing. "I’ve seen him turn a charity event into a rave before."
"Ah, don’t worry," she replies, her voice tinged with a hint of laughter. "I think he’s already got plans for a private after-party."
With a final chuckle, Daeron watches as they exit, the door closing behind them.
She turns back to Daeron, her gaze thoughtful. "By the way, what’s up with Floris? I haven’t seen her around tonight."
Daeron’s expression shifts, a shadow of sadness crossing his face. "Oh, um, we broke up," he says quietly, almost as if he’s still coming to terms with it.
Her heart twinges with genuine sympathy. "I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope you’re okay."
Daeron nods, managing a small, appreciative smile. "Thanks. It’s been...a lot. But I’ll be fine."
"Where is she, then? At the event, I presume?"
"Yeah, she’s here," Daeron confirms. "Probably with her parents and sisters. It was a bit weird to be honest.”
“I can imagine.” Just then, a waiter with a tray of champagne flutes comes by. They each take one, and Daeron is about to take a sip when he is called away by Otto Hightower.
As Daeron makes his way through the crowd, she turns to find Arianne Martell approaching her, her presence immediately drawing attention with her striking elegance. “You look amazing, Ari!”
Arianne’s eyes sparkle with a hint of mischief as she greets her. “So do you. But let’s cut to the chase. That’s not the Targaryen I was expecting to see you with tonight.”
“I haven’t told him yet. The time isn’t right. Soon though.”
“You mean you keep putting it off.”
“No, I just… I don’t know.”
“Look around you, babe. Half of these people are on the lookout - and those Targaryen kids? All their mothers are training their girls to get one. If my father had his way, I’d be throwing myself at Aegon!”
“Ari! Don’t be so crude.”
“I’m being realistic. Make your move.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I’m your best friend.” 
As they talk, she feels a strange unease settling in her stomach. Her gaze drifts across the room, taking in the opulence and the perfectly polished ambiance of the ballroom. Something about it all feels off, like there’s an underlying current she can’t quite grasp.
Noticing her silence and distant look, Arianne asks, “Is everything okay? You seem a bit… off.”
She hesitates for a moment before responding, “I don’t know. It’s just… something feels off. I have this gut feeling, but I can’t put my finger on it.”
Arianne’s brow furrows in concern. “What do you mean?”
She shrugs, trying to shake off the unease. “I’m not sure. Maybe it’s just the atmosphere. Everything is so perfect, almost too perfect.”
Arianne’s brow furrows in concern. “What do you mean?”
She shrugs, trying to shake off the unease. “I’m not sure. I don’t know if it’s just me being paranoid or if there’s actually something going on.”
Arianne nods, her expression thoughtful. “It’s in your head babe. Calm down alright? You’ll be fine!”
Aemond finds them, cutting through the crowd with an ease that only someone accustomed to these events could manage. His presence alone seems to command attention, and she feels her heart flutter as he approaches. He leans in and presses a soft kiss to her forehead, his breath warm and comforting. “You look pretty,” he murmurs, his voice low and genuine.
Her eyes follow him as he straightens, unable to help herself from shamelessly ogling him. The way his dark suit fits him so perfectly, the sharp cut of his jaw, the glint of his eyes—it’s all so striking that she finds it hard to look away. He’s right in front of her, and yet he feels like a distant star that she can’t quite reach, but desperately wants to.
Arianne, ever perceptive, catches the look on her face and raises an eyebrow with a playful smirk. “I’ll leave you two to it,” she says, her tone dripping with teasing. “You know, give you some space.”
She winks at them both before wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and slipping away into the crowd. Her departure leaves a space between them that feels both comforting yet like too much. “You look very nice,” she says.
Aemond’s lips curl into a faint, enigmatic smile. “Flattery will get you everywhere,” he replies, his tone a mix of aloofness and affection that she finds utterly endearing. “Though I must say, I’m quite taken with how you look tonight.”
She catches his gaze, her smile widening. “Well, I’m glad I managed to impress you.”
His eyes twinkle with mischief. “You always manage to.”
There’s a pause, a moment of quiet intimacy, as their eyes lock. Aemond’s hand on her back feels reassuring, grounding her in the present. He then wordlessly gives her his hand, and she takes it. She always will, she is his.
With a gentle but purposeful tug, Aemond guides her through the maze of the ballroom, leading her into the darker, quieter corridors of the estate. The soft hum of distant conversations and the clinking of glasses fade as they move further from the main event.
Eventually, they reach a secluded room, dimly lit and private. Aemond closes the door behind them, cutting off the noise from the outside world. Without a word, he steps closer, his lips capturing hers in a kiss that starts soft but quickly deepens. Aemond’s hands find her waist, his grip firm and possessive. 
His lips are demanding, their kisses fiery and passionate. She responds with equal fervor, her hands sliding up his chest to grip the lapels of his jacket, pulling him closer. The connection between them is raw, almost desperate, as if they’re trying to make up for lost time with every touch.
Aemond’s hands roam over her back, his fingers pressing firmly against her skin, as if he’s trying to imprint her presence into his memory. She can feel the heat of his body through the fabric of their clothes, the tension in his muscles as he holds her tightly.
She gasps into his mouth as he pulls her even closer, his touch igniting a fire within her. His hands travel down to her waist, pulling her flush against him, his lips trailing hot, urgent kisses along her jawline and down her neck. She arches into his touch, her fingers tangling in his hair, drawing him back to her lips with a desperate hunger.
Gods, she likes him too much for her own good.
Finally, their lips part, and they break away, both gasping for breath. The room is filled with a lingering tension, the air heavy with the intensity of their embrace. They take a moment to collect themselves, their faces flushed and eyes still locked in a shared, heated gaze.
Aemond gently brushes a strand of hair from her face, his touch tender despite the fervor of their earlier kisses. “I have to go shake more hands,” he says, his voice reluctant. He offers a small, apologetic smile, his knuckles lingering on her cheek for a moment longer before he pulls away. “I’ll find you later.”
She nods, her heart still racing from their encounter. “Okay,” she replies softly, her voice a touch breathless. She watches as he turns to leave, and the moment he does - the feeling of unease comes back.
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She walks back into the ballroom, smoothing down her dress and taking a deep breath to calm the rapid beat of her heart. The lingering warmth from Aemond’s touch is still on her skin, but the feeling of unease that had vanished in his presence now returns in full force.
As she steps further into the room, she spots a familiar face from across the crowd - one of the curators from the Westeros National Museum. He strides toward her with a knowing smile, gesturing to a nearby exhibit of her ancestor Coryanne Wylde’s paintings. “I was just about to ask if you’d seen these,” he says as they exchange pleasantries. “It’s rare to come across someone with a direct connection to the artist.” She smiles in response.
The curator nods in appreciation, and together, they walk over to the group of art enthusiasts who are gathered around the paintings. As they approach, she immediately recognizes someone else among them: her professor Alys Rivers. The professor’s sharp gaze softens slightly when she spots her, clearly surprised to see her here.
“Professor! So good to see you here, I wasn’t expecting you! Are you with someone?”
Alys chuckles lightly, offering a polite smile and points her finger beyond her shoulder. “That’s my brother.” She raises her eyebrows as she follows her gaze and raises an eyebrow. “Your brother’s Headmaster Strong?”
“My half-brother, yes. Which explains the different surnames.”
“Wow, small world.”
“We were just discussing some of the first-edition Volantene classics that we’ve been trying to source for the museum,” one of the curators says, a note of excitement in his voice. “A few Valyrian classics as well. It’s been quite the hunt.”
Her interest piques at the mention of Valyrian literature. The conversation drifts toward a particular Valyrian classic, The Last Embrace, and her attention locks in immediately, memories of Aemond reading it to her still vivid in her mind. One of the curators leans forward, adjusting his glasses.
“It’s such a beautiful work,” he says. “That passage where they talk about love being both a gift and a curse? The language is so intricate, it’s no wonder it’s one of the rarest Valyrian texts we’ve managed to preserve.”
Another curator nods in agreement. “Yes, I believe the exact line is something about love being a disease, but one we choose to suffer from?”
Before Wylde can speak, Professor Rivers steps in, her voice measured and calm. “Love is a disease of the mind, but one we willingly suffer for. It’s one of the most poignant lines in the entire text.”
Wylde's breath catches at the familiarity of the words. It was the same phrase he had marked, tracing the words as he read.
“That line,” Professor Rivers continues, “it’s always struck me. The complexity of love in Valyrian culture—how it could be both destructive and profound at the same time.”
The first curator smiles thoughtfully. “It’s fascinating how much depth there is in just one sentence. That’s what makes it a masterpiece. We’ve been trying to source a first-edition copy for years now.”
Rivers nods. “It’s difficult to find. I was lucky enough to own one of the first editions. Loaned it to someone close a while back, actually.”
Her chest tightens. The same line. The same book. She tries to push the thought away, but it grips her, the unease from earlier settling deep in her bones.
I know someone who can find the premium first edition copies, he had said.
But she doesn’t even teach him. And he’s Aemond Targaryen - he probably knows a hundred people of resource who can find him all the books he wants.
But there’s only three known copies of the first print in Westeros…
The feeling of unease that she had pushed aside the entire night comes back in full force - she doesn’t know why. It is a nagging feeling that refuses to go away, and she does not know what she’ll do about it.
Before she can dwell on it further, an attendant addresses her. He tells her that her father is asking for her from across the room. She excuses herself, turning away from the group with a polite smile. As she moves, she catches a fleeting glimpse of Professor Rivers’ necklace, the light glinting off the familiar design. Her breath falters.
She recognizes it.
A few months ago, she had seen that very necklace at Aemond’s apartment. She remembers asking him about it, how he had alluded to it belonging to a woman that he’s seeing. At the time, she hadn’t pressed him, unsure if she even wanted to know the details.
One of the curators points out the necklace, commenting on its unique craftsmanship. “That’s a Strong family heirloom, isn’t it?” he asks with admiration. “Quite the rare piece. One of a kind, if I’m not mistaken.”
Alys smiles, her hand brushing over the pendant. “Yes, it is. Passed down through generations. Only one of a kind.”
She feels like the ground is shifting beneath her feet. She can’t stop the flood of thoughts now, the connections falling into place. Her chest tightens as she pulls away from the group, her steps unsteady, her mind whirling with possibilities she doesn’t want to entertain.
No. It’s not what you think. It can’t be.
“It’s very beautiful, professor,” she says. “It was… uhm… it was nice to see you here. I’m going back to… my father’s expecting me.” The torrid nature of her thoughts shows on her face, and she can feel her palms sweating as the music and the crowd threaten to overwhelm her.
“Are you alright, Ms Wylde? You seem quite disoriented,” her professor says. She holds her onto her elbow to help steady her even if she hasn’t quite careened to the floor yet. Her skin burns where she holds her, and she wonders if she knows.
She looks her professor straight in her eyes, hoping to find any recognition. Then again, she doesn’t want to know too. 
“No, just… you know how these things can be. They tire you out quickly I suppose. I’m just going to…” 
She walks out of the ballroom and into the vast expanse of open gardens. She breathes and breathes and breathes.
It can’t be.
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MASTERLIST
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oozedninjas · 2 days
Note
Can we get Donnie with a breeding kink?!😩
WARNINGS: NSFW | 18+ | MDNI | F!Reader | Donnie is 27 and he wants to put a baby in you ♡ | Breeding | slight Edging | General verses
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It amazes him how easily his mind spirals into anxiety when it comes to you. Every little measure has to be carefully calculated and framed to keep him from stumbling out of sync with you—especially with things like this, because, what if you don’t like it? Would you think he’s a weirdo for bringing it up?
Maybe he should let it happen naturally, Donnie thinks, without overanalyzing every detail. But frankly, the thought that he could put a baby inside you is utterly absurd. Improbable. Incoherent, even. Genetic and morphological differences are barriers one can't overcome. Yet… he can’t stop thinking about it.
The idea lodges itself in his mind and he can’t help but revisit it over and over, no matter how much he knows it doesn't make sense; and today, that's all he can think of as he pounds in and out of you, just the way he knows you like it. Steady, fast, hard. The lower half of his plastron grinding over your swollen clit as you cling to him. And he edges you, unable to shake the thought of his mind, not brave enough to let it seep through his mouth.
"Fuck, I wanna come," you manage through staggered breaths, "Please, please,"
He groans, feeling the electric bolts dangerously close to spreading. He grips the sheets, struggling to resist the urge to mention it, and then—
"Put a baby in me,"
It barely registers right after making him come hard and loud. He thrusts as deep as his cock can reach to unload one time after another. He's babbling something about it, but it sounds so choked by pleasure that even he can't discern what it is. He's lost in the sensation of your pretty pussy throbbing as you come with him, and it feels fucking blissful.
You take a few seconds to catch your breath.
"What- what was that? How…" he asks, a bit out of breath.
You let out a little, tired laugh. "I stumbled across your browsing history the other day. You were thinking too hard about it, don't you?"
He hides his face in the crook of your neck, the heat of embarrassment creeping up his neck. Ah, that's right… since you moved together, you use the same computer.
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fandomxo00 · 3 days
Text
Ok but imagine:
Your first autistic burnout with Logan
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It was days like today that got you. It didn't happen all at once you noticed that things begin to get harder. Self care was a necessity but sometimes you just didn't have energy for it. For you it felt like time was speeding up, like you thought it was Friday but it's really Monday. Like the world spinning but your stuck where you are. That your trying to process every day and everything that happens but it's already tomorrow.
But you don't stop pushing yourself, they tell you have to push through. That you have the break time you need so why would you need anymore? That you barely taught any classes anyway, barely a teacher there. You felt selfish most of the time because if you listened to yourself you'd try to put yourself first. But no one else understands you? Unless your autistic it's hard to understand what it feels like to be burnout.
You started having bad mood swings, unable to regulate your emotions, as you usually would be to. It was hard to get around, to do just about anything because your body was tired. Your mind was fatigued, and the wrong words come out of your mouth a lot easier. Because you weren't acting normal you usually started beating yourself up because you shouldn't feel this tired. You shouldn't feel like even breathing can be hard for you. Which in these moments because a problem because of your unrelentless anxiety about having to put your mind to anything, or having to be social situations that you didn't want to be in.
But you had to show up for your job or you were going to lose it. Charles could only be so patient with you right? Even with accommodations in place, there was a certain point where you felt like in other people's brains there was no coming back, you just didn't want to get better. That you decided one day that you were just coming to become depressed. For so long doctors who didn't know you assumed you were bipolar, though you didn't have manic epsiodes. You just really intense happiness that could last for a little while but it was usually because you were in a mood swing.
Logan was instantly drawn to the moment he met you. You had the same type of darkness he recognized in himself. When you looked at him you had the same pain in his eyes that were reflected in his. The two of you had gone through very different pain and trauma, but when he learned about yours it didn't think it was any easier. Not with the mental and emotional manipulation you grew up with. The hours you spent alone and isolated because the world was simply too much for you. That you rather stay in your little bubble and never leave.
You'd been doing good for so long, you could have a bad day or a bad week, but you always got back up. Logan had never seen you practically paralyzed. You could barely keep your eyes open, you could barely move without groaning or crying, it was like your limbs were almost lifeless.
The room was pitch black, something he knew you didn't like. You always had a night light on, and now you couldn't even open your eyes long enough. You'd even covered your ears when he tried talking to you, a faint 'shh' coming out of your mouth. He felt the pain shoot through him as he saw the pain all over your face, you almost looked lifeless. Logan spoke quietly as he checked on you, before reaching for his hand and grasping on tightly while you started to cry. "What's wrong?" He whispered.
"I-is just too much." You bawled. "H-hold me tight please." Logan's arms wrapped around you without hesitation, listening to you as you laid your head against his chest, his arms tight around your body.
Eventually you needed space, feeling almost suffocated, but you didn't want him to leave. You didn't know how to communicate this, your own anxiety of just having to talk practically making you mute. You just climbed away from him, before whispering, "Stay." Laying your head on the pillow, and he laid next to you. You moved forward eventually, wanting the comfort of his hand in yours. Logan traced your features with his hazel green eyes, trying to make sure he was prepared for whatever you were feeling. Trying to understand something that he knew you couldn't explain to him right now.
All he knew was that you needed him and he wasn't going anywhere.
note: cried while writing this, i'm sorry i'm not filling in requests rn feeling a lot executive dysfunction and just trying to remain positive.
tags: @ohtobemare @jessjessmarvelandhp @chronicallybubbly @delicateholland @bubblegumholland
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daydreamerwoah · 2 days
Text
Love Through It All Pt. 10
tw: mentions of cheating, mentions of divorce; hurt; angst; anger; rollercoaster of emotion; sadness; arguing; crying; a worried Ghost; brief mention of self-hurt; brief mentions of Ghost's past
Read Part 1 for my author notes for the beginning of this story if this is your first time here.
I want to say here that I won't be going too deep into Ghost's past when he was captured by Roba.
Walking into the apartment, you were fuming. So upset to the point that you wanted to take the wine bottle that was still on the kitchen counter and chuck it across the room to pieces. You were embarrassed, confused, and mad. You all but snatched off your heels and tossed them by the side of the front door and stormed your way to the bedroom to try and get out of the dress you had on.
Simon cautiously followed behind you after making sure the door was closed and locked. His eyes watching your every move with a mix of sadness and lingering rage; not at you, but at the image of what set him off only 20 minutes ago.
He had gone to two places - with Johnny still trying to talk him out of it - before finally walking into the club you were at. His dark eyes scanned the entire room before they landed on your figure amid the crown. The damn dress that hardly covered you caught his eyes immediately. Johnny even swallowed an uncomfortable lump in his throat at your outfit. While you looked beautiful... it was weird for him to see you swinging your hips to the music. Your dress showed much more skin than the last one he saw you in.
His eyes shot to Simon, who continued to stare at you. He hadn't moved an inch as he only watched and somewhat admired. He was getting both slightly turned on and about to burst with anxiety. When the fuck did you buy that dress? How were you able to move in it without showing your underwear and a nip slip? He had so many thoughts racing through his mind, but that all came to a screeching halt when a guy placed his hands on your hips.
His eyes widened, and before he took a step, Johnny's arm stretched out over his chest to stop him, "Don't do it mate. If y'go over there now she'll never forgive ya."
The damn Scot was right. But did it ease his lieutenant's mind? Of course not... Especially when he saw the fucking man snake his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his body, and put his lips on your ear. That's when he saw red... nothing but dark, sizzling, fiery red. His feet reacted on instinct, pushing him through the crowd with clenched fist.
"Ah fuckin' hell!" Johnny yelled out as he tried pushing his way through after Simon. He knew what was going to happen before it even did. And fuck did he try to stop it before they got thrown out of the club.
But now that you and him were back at home, the wrath had simmered... just a bit. He was still mad.... but more with himself. He wanted to cut off the man's hands, but looking at you made all thoughts about that vanish.
"Sweetheart-"
"No!" you yelled as you turned on your heels to face him, "Don't fucking sweetheart me Simon! What the fuck was that back there?"
He pulled his balaclava off, tossing it on the bed before glancing back at you, "Please-"
"Stop! No more fucking talking!" It was your turn to see red, "How could you do that?! You went looking for me?! I told you I was coming home!" He tried to speak but you didn't even let him open his mouth, "And you punched someone! Because what?... he danced with me?! Because he had his arm around me-"
"I saw him kiss your neck, Y/n!" Simon shouted. In all the years you had been married, he rarely raised his voice, especially at you... but he also had never cheated until he did. "I saw the way he looked at you!"
"So what?! You think I wanted him back! You think I was going to leave with him! That I was going to cheat like you did to me!" Simon's hard eyes softened, "You stepped out on our marriage! Six times! SIX! Not one, but six! And you didn't even have the balls to tell me. You didn't even tell me how you felt before then! Instead, you fucked some girl! All because you like having rough sex! I'm not some fucking fragile toy that will break! I'm not weak! And you won't even divorce me!"
He stepped closer to you, but you took a step back, "Love-"
"No! I'm not done! I'm so fucking mad right now I could punch something!" You started pacing, "You say I'm yours but you go and act like this?!"
"You are. Sweetheart I swear-" He tried to reach out for you.
You smacked his hand away, "Don't touch me!"
"Hit me love. Y'can punch me. Slap me. Do whatever y'need-"
"STOP!" You screamed. You screamed so loud that Simon's eyes widened so big from your tone. You thought someone would come knocking on the door from how loud it was, possibly thinking you were being hurt. When you thought about it, you were being hurt.... just not physically.
The tension in the air only grew. The anger that was racing through your body was going to force its way out, and that terrified you. You weren't a violent person. You didn't want to see what would happen if you hit Simon... you knew he wouldn't do anything back, but the thought of being like your ex made you want to vomit.
A shift in Simon's eyes only confirmed that what you did wasn't like you. It wasn't the woman he married. But he hated himself to know it was all because of him that you had changed. And he couldn't stop it.
It was as if a dam burst as tears began to fall down your cheeks. The mascara and eyeliner causing black streaks on the skin. You didn't even care if he saw you in pain or not. You wanted to scream and to lash out at him, but your throat had become so dry from shouting already you had no energy left in you.
You lowered your head, softly shaking it, "I need space, Simon. I need to be away from you... You need to be away from me." you said.
"Wait, please don't-"
"Please, Simon... please just give me space and time to think about everything," you sniffed, "I'm begging you.... please."
He stood there, eyes shifting between yours as he listened to you. As he heard your plea. He had been so worried about losing you that he only made things worse. And there was nothing that he could do to fix it other than give you what you wanted. Give you the space you needed.
He slowly nodded as tears formed in his own eyes, and a sob left your mouth as you clamped a hand around your lips to stop the sound from escaping. "Alright," he said, voice barely above a whisper, "I'll give you anything y'want. Promise. Just-" He stopped himself from finishing his sentence, "Alright."
It was the last thing he said before he grabbed his balaclava off the bed and left the house. As soon as the door shut, you couldn't help but sink down to your knees and let out one of the hardest, silent cries you ever had. It was so hard to do anything but cry, and that you did. You cried as you took your dress off. You cried as you sat on the floor in the shower, letting the water fall all over you. You cried as you gazed at yourself in the mirror, feeling like you wanted to punch the glass.
************************************************************************
Simon opened his office door before quickly shutting and locking it once he stepped inside. It was cold and dark, like it always was. But this time, it felt colder... damper. The windowless room offered no light source until he flicked on the small lamp on this desk. It barely lit up anything, but it was enough for him to find his way to the couch located off to the side of the room.
He slumped down with a low and painful groan leaving his mouth. It wasn't the smartest idea for him to even be fighting when he was still bruised and battered from the mission he left not even 24 hours ago. Actually, it was a stupid idea, and he knew that. The adrenaline no longer pumping through him, he felt how the knuckle on his right hand had split a little. When he glanced down at it, he felt a rush of sadness fall to his stomach as he looked at the dried up blood.
"Fuck," he said.
He wished someone could punch him in the face. The amount of force that he struck with his first on the guy at the club, he wished it was his face that he hit. He felt like he could take one of his knives and stab himself in the chest. He didn't deserve anything after what he did to you.... You had given him more than he truly deserved by staying with him at the beginning of all of this. All he did in return was made you cry damn near every day.
Maybe he did deserve to let you go; to let you leave him. He thought about if he should just be alone for the rest of his life. Retire and move somewhere remote, so he couldn't have any human interaction. So he wouldn't ever hurt you again by seeing him, by thinking about what he did to you. Or if he was lucky, he'd get himself killed on the next mission he was sent off to. It'd be quick and painless, he hoped. You could even be free from him.
He laid down on the couch, looking up at the ceiling as his huge frame barely fit comfortably on it. But he didn't deserve comfort. He didn't deserve to live, he thought. Maybe one day, he could finally be with his mom, his brother.... his nephew. If they were alive, he was sure his Tommy would have punched him square in the face. He could see the look on his face so vividly. The pain in his heart was worse than the hook that pierced through his rib so many years ago. He thought he deserved another hook.... and he'd let it happen if that meant making you happy once again.
A little shorter part, but wanted to gear up for the next piece of them having space. This was sort of hard to write for me as I know what it feels like when you feel like you ruined something and you think about if you could bring yourself pain, it would ensure the other person would be happy. Won't lie I teared up a little lmao!! This part was originally supposed to be something else, but I changed it because I have more plans for Jax's position in this story so I hope you all like it lol!As always...... comment, like, give feedback :)
Taglist: @kalypsoox @fruitymoonbeams-blogz @kylies-love-letter @xrosegoldwolfx @linaaaaa654 @jessicab1991 @darkravenqueen98 @yazyazali @thychuvaluswife @chloeforde @cownini @ssc7514
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regressionschool · 3 days
Text
Scene: Doesn’t that feel better?
The soft glow of the morning sun filtered into the nursery as Chloe sat on the edge of her bed, wearing her pull-ups proudly under her favorite pink shirt. She had been at this for three days now—trying so hard to prove she was ready to be a big girl. Her mommy, Vanessa, walked into the room, her usual warm smile lighting up her face.
“Good morning, my big girl!” Vanessa said brightly, clapping her hands together in mock excitement. “How’s my potty-training star doing today?”
Chloe’s face lit up, her cheeks blushing a little as she proudly patted the front of her dry pull-up. “Still dry, Mommy!” she announced, her voice filled with pride.
Vanessa beamed, kneeling beside her. "That's amazing, Chloe! You’re growing up so fast. Soon enough, no more wiping bums for Mommy," she said with a laugh, giving Chloe a playful nudge.
Chloe giggled harder, squirming a little at the idea. "No more wipes!" she echoed, though a tiny part of her felt... uneasy about the thought.
Vanessa kept smiling, her voice excited but warm. "And think about all the other big girl things we’ll get to do now! No more diapers means you can start doing all the grown-up things that Mommy does."
Chloe blinked, looking up at Vanessa, a small frown tugging at the corners of her lips. "Like what, Mommy?"
Vanessa’s eyes twinkled as she reached over and ruffled Chloe’s hair. "Well, for starters, no more bottles before bed, right? Big girls don’t need bottles anymore. You’ll drink from a regular cup, just like Mommy."
Chloe hesitated, her fingers still gripping a block tightly. Her bottle before bed had always been her favorite part of the evening. The warm milk, the soothing suckling—it helped her drift off to sleep. She felt a small knot form in her stomach, but she nodded anyway. "O-oh... okay."
Vanessa tilted her head, watching Chloe’s reaction carefully. "And pacifiers, too! You won’t need your paci anymore, right? Big girls don’t use those."
Chloe’s heart sank a little deeper, the thought of giving up her pacifier making her squirm again. She chewed her lip, a small frown forming on her face as she played with the block in her hand. "N-no more paci?" she whispered, more to herself than to Vanessa.
Vanessa smiled sweetly, ignoring the hint of anxiety in Chloe’s voice. "That’s right, baby! And guess what else? Big girls can sleep without their stuffies, too. No need for teddy to keep you company anymore when you’re so grown-up!"
Chloe froze, her hands still clutching the blocks, her mind racing. No stuffies? Her stuffed animals had always been a source of comfort, especially at night. The thought of giving them up made her stomach twist even more.
"And when you're fully potty trained," Vanessa continued, "maybe it’ll be time to stop daycare. You’ll be too grown-up for all the baby things. Maybe you could come to work with Mommy instead." Vanessa’s tone was cheerful, her words floating out like exciting possibilities.
But to Chloe, it all felt overwhelming. No more bottles, no more pacifiers, no more stuffies, and now no more daycare? She liked daycare. She liked playing with the toys, and the softness of everything. She wasn’t ready to give all that up. The knot in her stomach tightened, and she squirmed uncomfortably on the floor.
Vanessa leaned in closer, her voice still warm but now a little softer. "Of course, all those changes will happen because you’re doing so well, Chloe. You’ve been keeping those pull-ups dry like such a big girl. Soon, we’ll get rid of them altogether, and you won’t need any of your baby things. Isn’t that exciting?"
Chloe swallowed hard, her heart thumping in her chest. The weight of everything Vanessa had said was suddenly too much. She looked down at her pull-ups, the anxiety bubbling up inside her, her mind swirling with images of losing her comforting routines, her babyish comforts slipping away from her.
She fidgeted, squeezing her legs together instinctively, but the need to pee that had been building up was now impossible to ignore. The pressure in her bladder was growing, but her thoughts were too muddled to focus on holding it in.
Vanessa’s eyes were sharp, watching Chloe closely as she fidgeted. "Oh, but don’t worry, sweetie. All these changes only happen because you’re my big girl now, making it to the potty all by yourself. Big girls don’t need diapers, or bottles, or stuffies. You’re ready for that, right?"
Chloe’s eyes filled with panic. She wasn’t ready. She didn’t want to be a big girl—not like that. The thought of losing everything she loved, the things that made her feel safe and small, was too much. Without thinking, she let go, the pressure in her bladder suddenly releasing. A soft hissing sound filled the room as her pull-ups swelled, absorbing the accident.
Her cheeks turned bright pink, but the relief was immediate—relief not just from her bladder, but from the weight of all those grown-up expectations.
Chloe looked up at Vanessa, her lip trembling as she felt the warmth spreading through her pull-ups. "M-Mommy... me wet..." she whispered, her voice small, her thumb instinctively finding its way to her mouth.
Vanessa’s expression softened immediately, her smile returning. She knelt down beside Chloe, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Oh, baby... looks like you’re not quite ready for all those big changes just yet."
Chloe’s eyes filled with tears, her thumb still in her mouth as she sniffled softly. "No, Mommy... me not big girl..." she lisped, her voice shaky. "Can... can you put me back in diapers, pwease?"
Vanessa’s heart swelled with satisfaction, but her voice remained soft and soothing. "Of course, sweetheart," she cooed, wiping a tear from Chloe’s cheek. "Let’s get you back in your comfy diapers where you belong."
Chloe nodded, her face flushed with both relief and embarrassment, but she didn’t care anymore. She just wanted to feel small, safe, and secure again.
Vanessa helped Chloe to her feet, guiding her over to the changing table. With expert hands, she slipped off the wet pull-ups, wiping Chloe clean with gentle strokes before reaching for a thick diaper. Chloe sighed, her body relaxing completely as Vanessa slid the soft underneath her.
Vanessa taped the diaper snugly around Chloe’s waist, patting the front with a smile. “There we go, baby girl. Doesn’t that feel better?”
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tanjamikaelson · 2 days
Text
UNEXPECTED HEAT | Rafe Cameron x fem!reader |
Summary: After catching your boyfriend cheating, you returned to the Outer Banks early, only to find Rafe—an old crush—unexpectedly staying in your home. Seeking solace and a distraction from your heartbreak, you boldly ask Rafe to help you forget your ex.
Warnings: unprotected sex, cheating.
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When you decided to leave Sun Valley early and return to the Outer Banks, you were seeking comfort and familiarity. The vacation, meant to be a time to relax with your family and boyfriend, had turned sour after you caught him cheating. It had been a brutal end to what was supposed to be a refreshing escape, and all you could think of was getting back to your friends and the peace of your own space.
The moment you stepped into your house, something felt wrong. The living room wasn’t as you left it—clothes were scattered on the floor, and cushions were tossed haphazardly across the sofa. Your brow furrowed as you scanned the mess. You distinctly remembered tidying everything before you left for the summer, so why did it now look like someone had been living here? Your pulse quickened as your eyes swept over the disarray, unease building in your chest.
You shook off the strange feeling, telling yourself you were being paranoid. Maybe your brother had come home early without telling you. That had to be it, right? Taking a deep breath, you moved through the house towards your bedroom. The familiar creak of the floorboards beneath your feet should have been comforting, but instead, it sent a chill down your spine. When you passed by the guest room, you paused, hearing the unmistakable sound of water running from the shower. Anxiety pricked at your skin.
“Y/BROTHERS/N?” called out hesitantly, moving closer to the bathroom door. The water abruptly shut off, and for a second, your heart felt like it might leap out of your chest. Panic surged through you, but you forced yourself to stay calm. Maybe he really had come back and just forgot to mention it.
You rapped on the bathroom door, trying to keep the nerves from creeping into your voice. "Who's in there?" you demanded, already scanning the room for anything you could use to defend yourself. Your eyes landed on a golf club leaning against the wall, and you quickly grabbed it, holding it up as a makeshift weapon.
There was a long pause, and the door creaked open. You braced yourself, muscles tensing for whatever—or whoever—was behind it.
But it wasn’t an intruder or some stranger.
It was Rafe.
"Rafe?!" You exclaimed, the golf club immediately dropping to your side in shock. The boy you’d had a crush on for years stood in the doorway, a towel loosely wrapped around his waist, his skin still glistening from the shower. His chest, all muscle and tan skin, was on full display, and for a moment, your thoughts scrambled. You couldn’t stop your eyes from drifting down to his abs, the sight sending an involuntary jolt through you. Your breath caught, and you quickly licked your lips, trying to regain some semblance of composure.
"What the hell are you doing here?" You managed to ask, though your voice came out a little shakier than you'd like.
Rafe looked just as surprised to see you as you were to see him. He nervously ran a hand through his wet hair, his eyes flicking around the room as if searching for an answer. "I—I thought your family was at Sun Valley," he finally stammered, clearly not expecting you to walk through the door.
Your brows furrowed as the confusion deepened. "So you thought to move into our house?" you crossed your arms, narrowing your eyes, demanding some kind of explanation.
Rafe’s eyes darted everywhere except towards you, his usual confidence replaced by awkwardness. "Yeah… I didn’t have anywhere else to go."
"What do you mean by that?" Your confusion was palpable now, the pieces of the puzzle not fitting together.
Rafe was quiet for a moment, his jaw clenching as if he didn’t want to admit whatever it was he was about to say. "My dad—he kicked me out of the house. So I’ve been staying here. I didn’t think your family would come back so soon."
Your heart softened slightly at the vulnerability in his tone. You had heard stories about Rafe’s complicated relationship with his father, but seeing him like this—uncertain, exposed—it tugged at something deeper within you.
You let out a slow breath, your arms uncrossing as your body relaxed a little. "Well, actually, I came alone."
Rafe shifted on his feet, looking like he was ready to bolt at any moment. "I will leave—" he began, moving towards a duffle bag by the bed, clearly ready to pack up and disappear.
But before he could continue, the words were already spilling out of your mouth. "You don’t have to—"
The sentence hung in the air for a moment, Rafe freezing in place. His head turned towards you, confusion and something else flickering in his eyes.
"I don’t?" He asked, his voice tentative, as though he couldn’t quite believe what you were saying.
"Um, no," you said, your voice coming out steadier than you felt, "Actually, I would like you to stay." A strange surge of confidence swelled within you, and the shift in power was tangible. You smiled lightly, your mind racing with a plan that you hadn’t even realized you were forming until the words left your mouth, a seductive edge creeping into your voice as you locked eyes with him. “But… in return I need you to do something for me.” 
Rafe’s eyes brightened slightly, his shoulders relaxing just a bit. He gave you a cautious smile, clearly unsure of where this was heading. "What do you need?" he asked, his tone more confident now as he took a step closer to you. His body language had shifted, too—he was more comfortable, leaning into whatever dynamic was evolving between you two.
You stepped closer to him, heart racing, your mind swimming with thoughts of your ex, your disappointment, and the undeniable attraction that had always been there with Rafe. Your voice lowered, becoming almost a whisper. "I need you…" You took another step closer, so close that you could feel the heat radiating from his body. Your voice dropped to a sultry whisper. "I need you to fuck me so I can forget about my ex."
The shock was immediate. Rafe’s eyes widened, and his mouth opened slightly as he struggled to find words. "You… You really want that?" His voice was hoarse, unsure if he’d heard you correctly.
You nodded, your lips curling into a smirk as your hand reached out, gripping the towel still wrapped around his waist. "Yeah, Rafe. I want it. Badly."
Before he could react, you tugged the towel free, letting it drop to the floor. Your eyes took in his full length, and your hand wrapped around his thick cock, beginning to pump him slowly, relishing the way his body responded to your touch. You had imagined this moment more times than you could count, and seeing him like this, feeling him like this was even better than you had fantasized.
Rafe let out a shaky breath, his eyes locking onto yours as your hand moved up and down his length. His cock twitched and hardened further in your grip, and you couldn’t help the surge of satisfaction that bloomed inside you. He was reacting exactly how you wanted him to.
"Faster," Rafe murmured, his voice laced with desire, his gaze never leaving your fingers as they worked him.
You smirked up at him, not needing any further encouragement. A few moments later, you sank to your knees, the anticipation building inside you like a fire. You needed to taste him. You stroked his cock a few more times before leaning in, your tongue flicking out to taste the tip before pulling him into your mouth.
The moment your lips wrapped around him, Rafe groaned, his head tipping back slightly as he gripped your hair, guiding your movements. His body was tense, and you could feel how much he needed this—how much you both did.
"God…" Rafe breathed out, his voice thick with pleasure. "I guess it’s my lucky day."
You smiled around his cock, loving the way he was unraveling beneath your touch. His breathing grew ragged as you took him deeper, and his grip tightened when you swallowed around him, choking slightly but loving every second of his reaction. You could feel him hardening even more inside your mouth, and it sent a thrill through your body.
"Open wider, baby," Rafe whispered, his hand cupping your cheek as he pulled you further onto his cock. You did as he asked, taking him deeper, letting your throat relax as you swallowed around him.
As his climax neared, you pulled away abruptly, leaving him on edge. The need between your legs was now unbearable. He gently tapped his cock against your cheek as you gasped for air, your eyes meeting his, filled with lust and a newfound power over him.
"Stressful day, huh?" You asked breathlessly, smirking up at him as you wiped the corner of your mouth with the back of your hand.
"Yeah," Rafe replied, his voice still heavy with lust as he gazed down at you, catching his breath. There was something darker in his eyes now, a need that went beyond simple release. He needed more of you, and you could feel that raw energy radiating off of him.
“How close are you?” You asked, your voice filled with both curiosity and anticipation as you looked up at him.
“Close,” Rafe answered instantly, his eyes narrowing as they focused intently on your face. He looked like he was holding onto control by a thread, his breathing ragged, his muscles tensing and relaxing in time as you ran your tongue along his length. But that wasn’t enough for you. You wanted him fully, entirely. You needed more than just him in your mouth.
Without breaking eye contact, you stopped, watching as the realization crossed his face. His brow furrowed slightly, but before he could say anything, you stood up, your confidence in the situation palpable as you began stripping off your clothes. Each layer hit the floor, revealing more of your skin, and Rafe’s eyes darkened with desire as he watched you.
Once you were completely naked, Rafe didn’t waste any time. He grabbed you by the hips, pulling you roughly against him, his lips crashing against yours in a heated kiss. It was hungry, desperate, filled with the kind of urgency you both felt. His hands roamed your body, squeezing and exploring, while his lips devoured yours as if he couldn’t get enough.
Without warning, Rafe spun you around, pressing your front into the bed. Your breath hitched in your throat as his hands grabbed your hips, pulling your ass up into the air. The cool air hit your exposed skin, heightening every sensation, every touch.
Rafe wasted no time. His fingers slipped between your legs, and the second he felt how wet you were, he let out a low groan. “Shit… You got this wet by sucking me off?” he growled, his voice a rough whisper as his fingers found your clit and rubbed it in slow, teasing circles.
A loud moan escaped your lips, your body already aching for him. "Yes, Rafe. Fuck me… Please," you whimpered, pushing your hips back into his hand, craving more of his touch, more of him.
That was all the encouragement Rafe needed.
With one swift motion, he thrust into you from behind, and you cried out at the sudden fullness. His cock filled you completely, stretching you in a way that made your whole body tremble with pleasure. Rafe let out a deep groan, his hands gripping your hips tightly as he set a punishing rhythm, thrusting into you hard and fast.
"Oh my—fuck!" You gasped, your fingers gripping the sheets as Rafe’s thrusts became more powerful, each one hitting deeper than the last.
Rafe’s hands roamed up your body, his palm gliding across your spine, pausing to squeeze your ass before moving up to cup your breasts. He shifted your hair out of the way so he could lean over you, his mouth brushing against your neck, your shoulder, anywhere his lips could reach. His breath was hot against your skin, uneven and ragged as his hips continued to pound into you.
You could feel your insides clenching around him, the pleasure building higher and higher, but you were holding back, trying to prolong the feeling as long as possible.
"Don’t hold back, baby," Rafe whispered into your ear, his voice low and teasing as he leaned down, his hand slipping to your clit once more, giving it another few delicious rubs.
That was all it took. The orgasm hit you hard and fast, your body convulsing as waves of pleasure washed over you. You buried your face into the bed, muffling your cries of ecstasy as your body trembled beneath him.
Rafe chuckled darkly, his own breathing ragged as he continued to move inside you, his thrusts growing more uneven as he neared his own release. "Fuck, you feel so good around my cock," he groaned, his grip on your hips tightening as he buried himself as deep as he could go.
With one final thrust, Rafe let out a deep groan, his body shuddering as he came, filling you completely. He leaned over you, his sweaty forehead resting against the back of your neck as his chest heaved with each breath. For a moment, the two of you just stayed like that, bodies entwined, breaths mingling in the quiet aftermath.
As you both came down from the high, you panted heavily into the bed, your limbs trembling from the intensity of it all. Slowly, Rafe pulled out of you, and you whimpered at the loss of him. You rolled onto your back, still catching your breath, and Rafe collapsed beside you, his chest rising and falling heavily as he tried to steady himself.
"Thank you for that," You whispered, your voice soft as you turned to look at him.
"I'm not done with you," Rafe vowed, his eyes darkening as he raised an eyebrow at you. "I could feel how neglected that pussy's been." He tsked dramatically, a playful smile tugging at his lips. "I do believe I can make up for that, Y/N."
"God, I hope so," You sighed, grinning when he nodded in agreement.
Rafe knelt between your legs, his hands tracing your inner thighs slowly, savoring the sight of you laid out before him. His gaze lingered on your flushed face, your chest rising and falling with each shallow breath. “You're gorgeous, Y/N," he repeated softly, his voice carrying a reverence that sent warmth through your chest.
His fingers brushed over your sensitive clit, causing you to shudder under his touch. He spread the wetness around, teasing you, drawing out soft gasps as he watched your body respond to him. Every small touch sent shockwaves through you, building the anticipation that pulsed between your legs.
Rafe braced himself with one hand next to your head, his other hand guiding himself to your entrance. He moved slowly, pushing into you with deliberate care. A groan escaped his lips as he filled you completely, the sensation overwhelming for both of you. His breath was ragged, and you could see the strain on his face as he fought to keep himself in control.
You gasped softly, your hands sliding up his arms and over his shoulders, pulling him closer. Your touch was gentle, urging him to move without pushing, letting him take his time. Rafe’s eyes squeezed shut as he held still, savoring the feeling of being inside you, the way your body gripped him so perfectly.
When he finally opened his eyes, the intensity in his gaze nearly took your breath away. The need, the desire, the unspoken connection—it was all there, written across his face as he looked down at you.
Rafe leaned down, pressing his lips to your neck in an open-mouthed kiss that made you arch beneath him. Then he started to move, slow at first, his hips rolling against yours in a rhythm that sent waves of pleasure crashing through you.
Your hands roamed over his back, feeling the muscles tense and relax with each movement, and your legs wrapped around him, pulling him closer. His lips found yours, and the kiss was soft, almost tender as if something unspoken was being exchanged between you.
"Faster," You finally whispered against his lips, the need inside you growing unbearable.
Rafe obliged, his pace quickening, each thrust now hitting a spot deep inside you that made stars explode behind your eyes. Your bodies moved together in perfect sync, every touch, every kiss intensifying the connection between you.
"I’m so close," you gasped, your nails digging into his shoulders as the tension built in your core.
"Me too," Rafe groaned, his voice strained as he fought to hold on just a little longer. His thrusts became more urgent, and you could feel the heat coiling in your belly, ready to snap.
When the climax hit, it was overwhelming. Your back arched off the bed, your body convulsing with wave after wave of pleasure. Rafe’s name spilled from your lips in a breathless moan, and as you tightened around him, he followed right behind you, his body shuddering with release.
For a long moment, the only sound in the room was the heavy breathing of the two of you, your bodies still tangled together, hearts racing in sync. Rafe collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms, and you rested your head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat as it began to slow.
The reality of what just happened started to sink in, but there was no regret, only a warm, satisfying calm. You felt safe here, in his arms, and maybe that was what you needed most. Not just the distraction from the heartbreak, but the feeling of being wanted, of being cared for.
Rafe turned his head to look at you, his brow furrowed slightly, a question on his lips. "So… you broke up with your boyfriend?" he asked quietly, his voice soft and cautious, like he wasn’t sure if he should bring it up now.
You turned to look at him, nodding as the weight of your break-up settled back into your chest. “Yeah. He cheated on me.”
Rafe’s eyes widened in shock, his mouth opening slightly as he processed what you’d said. "Seriously?" he asked, disbelief coloring his tone. He blinked, shaking his head as if he couldn’t quite understand. To him, the idea of anyone cheating on you was unfathomable. You were perfect to him—strong, beautiful, everything he could want.
"Yeah," You said, your voice heavy with sadness as you recalled the memory. "I caught him… and then he confessed it wasn’t the first time."
Rafe’s jaw clenched, his eyes darkening with anger at the thought of someone treating you that way. "What a fucking idiot," he muttered, his voice tight with frustration. His fingers gently brushed over your arm, comforting and grounding. "He didn’t deserve you."
You smiled, appreciating his words more than you could express. "I thought things would change when we went on vacation together," you explained, your voice tinged with sadness. "But nothing was different. He was still distant."
Rafe shook his head, his anger giving way to something softer, more protective. "Well, his loss," he said, his tone firm, his eyes meeting yours with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat.
You laughed softly, nodding in agreement. "Yeah," you murmured, feeling a weight lift from your shoulders as you said it out loud.
The comfortable silence stretched between you for a moment before you glanced at Rafe, a playful glint in your eye. "You know… I actually liked you way before I ended up in a relationship with him."
Rafe’s eyes widened slightly, genuine surprise flashing across his face. "You did?" he asked, his voice incredulous.
You nodded, smiling. "Yeah. You were always hot… especially now." You reached out, your hand brushing over his toned abs, feeling the firm muscles beneath your fingers.
Rafe smiled a genuine, warm smile that made you feel like maybe everything was going to be okay. "You know, if I’d known you felt this way…" he trailed off, his fingers tracing the outline of your jaw. "I’ve always thought you were… well, you’re amazing. More than amazing."
Your heart fluttered at his words, a blush creeping up your cheeks. "Really?" you asked, your voice small.
"Really." His eyes darkened, and his voice dropped to a near whisper as his hand moved to rest on your hip, pulling you closer. "I’ve wanted you for a long time."
The confession hung in the air between you, thick with meaning. You could see the truth in his eyes, and it made something inside you shift, your feelings deepening in ways you hadn’t expected. This wasn’t just about forgetting your ex anymore. It was about something new, something real.
You leaned in closer, your lips brushing against his as you whispered, "Maybe we can make up for lost time."
Rafe smiled into the kiss, his arms pulling you closer to him as he whispered back, "I’d like that."
The air between you shifted again, the playfulness giving way to something more intimate, more real. This time kiss wasn’t rushed or desperate like before—this kiss was filled with something deeper, and in that moment, the world outside faded away. All that mattered was the two of you, tangled together in the quiet aftermath, with a future that suddenly felt a little less uncertain.
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whimsyvixen · 8 hours
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𝕊𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝕌𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙 ~ 𝟙/?
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Stalker Fic (original work)
Rating: 18+ Pairing: Female Reader x Male Yandere Synopsis/Excerpt:   It felt like someone was looking at you. A predator looking at a fawn. Waiting for the right moment to sink its powerful jaws into its frail neck, and tear it apart. WARNINGS/TAGS: Dark fic, rape/noncon elements, extremely dubious consent, stalking, yandere, unhealthy relationships, obsessive behavior, masturbation, captivity, non-consensual bondage, dacryphilia, forced breeding, forced orgasm, vaginal sex, fuck or die, tags will grow as this story progresses. ⚠️READ THE TAGS: Please be aware this work contains content that the reader may feel uncomfortable with or otherwise triggered by. DO NOT READ if bothered by tags . NO minors. ⚠️
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A/N: Wooo! so I finally decided to make story for this post I made awhile back (a thousand thank you's to everyone who liked and commented <3 ). Please read up on the tags, so you know what to expect in the coming chapters. Happy reading!
-Dividers by @adornedwithlight-
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It was raining outside, the distant thunder and pitter patter of raindrops hitting the window creating a lullaby that was lulling you to sleep. Combined with the soft rumbling of the bus, you could feel your body’s desperate need for rest after a grueling shift at work. 
Familiar streets and roads were tracked by your eyes, the expected relief of almost getting home brightening up your mood despite the gloomy weather. You estimated that you'll reach your destination in less than half an hour, rummaging through your purse to take out your phone to set up a timer in case sleep overtakes you and you miss your stop. 
Pressing the lever of your seat to recline, you got comfortable and laid your cardigan over your chest, finally giving in to the urge of closing your eyes. Seconds ticked by and all you could think about was how you couldn't wait to be in the comfort of the soft bedding on your mattress. Your muscles were practically begging for relief and you had enough pillows and blankets waiting for you back home to alleviate this problem. 
It couldn't have been more than a few minutes that passed– your mind completely disassociating from reality while you snoozed– when your peace was shattered. A shiver of unease ran through you, waking up your consciousness abruptly and causing you to jolt awake. 
The same feeling that’s been haunting you for weeks now was back.
The hairs on the back of your neck stood and your heart rate picked up.
It hadn’t always been like this. You could still remember a time when you climbed inside the vehicle without your gut twisting anxiously. At first, you chalked it up to it being caused by some low level of anxiety you were experiencing or lack of restful sleep. Something that could be easily remedied by swallowing a pill stashed inside a drawer back home.
However, as of late, a feeling of wariness and fear seemed to consume you, your fight or flight response triggered whenever you climbed up the stairs of the bus, each step weighing heavy on your legs as you went to take your seat.
It felt like someone was looking at you. 
A predator looking at a fawn.
Waiting for the right moment to sink its powerful jaws into its frail neck, and tear it apart.
The paranoia getting to you, you turned your head to the right, swallowing down your nervousness as you tried to find the source of your panic. 
There was a man seated in the opposite seats across from you. His stretched out and bulky frame took up much of the space, the black cap on his head and the mask he wore obscuring his features and giving him a mysterious vibe. The turtleneck shirt clung to him, emphasizing the broad muscles of his upper body even in his relaxed state. His back was to the window, his left leg bent in a careless fashion along both seats, facing you directly as he was browsing through his phone. 
At least, you thought that's what he was doing. You didn't want to believe that the man was taking unwanted pictures or videos of you while you slept. 
You didn't realize you were staring for too long, the stranger’s attention shifting away from his phone when he could feel your gaze, freezing you in place as your eyes connected with those dark depths. For some reason, you couldn’t look away, too afraid to blink as a chill took over you from being under the perusal of those piercing eyes. There was something wrong, you just couldn’t explain it. He tilted his head to the side, regarding your stunned state for a moment before his eyes crinkled with amusement. He waved good naturedly at you, a normal gesture of greeting that you would've returned if not for the twisting of your gut that warned you against doing such a thing. 
When you didn’t return his gesture, the stranger’s eyebrows furrowed in dejection, bringing his hand down to lay against his lap almost disappointedly. 
A good few seconds passed with both unwilling to look away from each other. 
Your eyes, firm and guarded while his were inquisitive and curious.
As if finally sensing your unease, the stranger backed off by turning to sit properly in his seat and shifting his focus back to his phone. 
Letting out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding, you grabbed your purse and whipped out your phone, your shaky hands nearly dropping it when you first grabbed it. Turning the screen on, you realized you had taken a ten minute nap with seconds to spare from your alarm ringing. You were mere minutes away from arriving at your stop.
Taking a quick glance at the stranger once more, you tried to rid your paranoid thoughts that he was the reason for your being on edge these past few weeks. It couldn’t be, you tried reasoning to yourself. If anything, you were in the wrong for staring at him funny when you’ve never seen him before. Maybe this was his first ride on the bus and you made his experience weird because you kept looking at him as if accusing him of something heinous. Maybe he was just trying to be friendly and not spook you when you caught each other’s eye by accident. Maybe your groggy mind was making things up about a complete stranger. 
Could the stress of work and your responsibilities piling up for the past few months be messing with your awareness? There was nothing special about you. You weren’t an important person. There was nothing, no gifted ability or priviledge, that separated you from the throngs of people you saw every day while heading to work. Why would someone want you with your bleak existence and no future aspirations?
Your anxiousness and worry slowly left you when you drew those conclusions about yourself, replaced with self pity as you realized you really had nothing going for your life. The somber expression staring back at you through your phone’s black screen only dimming your mood further. 
It was a while before the bus slowed to a stop, the driver’s familiar voice announcing your destination and making you stand to walk to the front. Not paying attention to your footing, you tripped over your own feet and felt gravity pull you under. A small yip tumbled out of your lips, feeling pain on your left elbow from the hard impact on the floor. Your purse went flying in a comical fashion, your disoriented mind not sure in which direction it landed or if anything fell out of it. 
Embarrassment quickly flooded you, feeling the eyes of other passengers stare at you and hearing a few snickers amongst them. Wincing from the blossoming pain in your arm, you had barely braced your hands on the floor ready to stand up, when you felt warm hands encircle your waist.
“Here,” a deep voice whispered against your ear. “Let me help you, sweetheart.”
You were lifted from the floor easily, your weight meaning nothing to the man as he held you gently until you got your bearings straight. You looked up at him, having to crane your neck upwards due to his tall height and seeing it was the masked stranger.
“I, uhm.. Thank you,” you stuttered over your words, a flush of heat blooming in your face at his proximity. You wanted to kick yourself for how high pitched your voice sounded, unable to maintain eye contact with him when he gazed so intently back at you. If you dared to say, it felt like he was trying to memorize every small detail about your face– birthmarks, the slope of your nose, shape of your lips, the emotion in your eyes. Realizing that you still held on to his arms wrapped around your waist, you nervously laughed before going to break yourself away from the intimate embrace. 
“I’m okay now, you can let go,” you assured him, the fake smile plastered on your face concealing your tense disposition from his closeness. 
You chose to ignore the way his fingers dug momentarily into your waist, gripping you a little too tight to be normal before he loosened his grasp, allowing you to generate a more respectable distance between you and him. Seeing your startled reaction to his handling of you, the stranger immediately apologized for his actions.
“You’ll have to forgive me for my forwardness.” He told you, imploring you with his eyes that he meant no harm. He bent down to pick up something on the floor, his other hand holding up the strap of your purse for you to take it. “I only wanted to make sure you wouldn’t trip over yourself again.”
“Oh! I-It’s ok really, I-,” your words were interrupted by the harsh voice of the driver telling you to hurry to the front if you planned to get out. You quickly snatched your purse back, ignoring the little jolt of electricity that zipped through you when you grazed his fingers. “Um, I have to go but thank you, again! Bye!” 
You turned to walk briskly down the steps of the bus, thanking the bus driver for his patience and stepping out into the familiar streets of your neighborhood. Luckily for you, the rain had slowed to a soft drizzle, an umbrella not needed for the small trek you took to arrive at the apartment where you’ve been renting for the past year. 
Locking the door behind you, you sighed audibly before throwing your purse at the chair nearest you. You walked over to your room, kicking off your shoes to land haphazardly along the floor because you were too tired to bother putting them away. Removing your damp clothing, you grabbed a towel and some night clothes to head to the shower.
Relaxing under the spray of lukewarm water, you found your mind straying to the stranger in the bus. 
Who was he? 
You weren’t lying that you had never seen him before. A man of his formidable size would have been easy to spot, sticking out from the rest of the passengers like a sore thumb. He was dressed peculiarly too, his attire giving off the impression that he values secrecy and privacy. And his voice! Goodness, you could feel yourself nearly melt remembering the richness of it. The way he held you like a dainty object didn’t escape your notice either, your cheeks aflame at how good his hands felt around your waist. The feminine thrill that his presence ignited was hard to subdue, unbidden thoughts of his hands squeezing and trailing over your naked body filling your mind.
Would his hands be soft and gentle? Or would they be strong and rough? 
As if your hands had a mind of their own, they moved up your body to cup your breasts making you gasp at the contact. You looked down at your chest, seeing the peaks of your nipples hardening under your soft touch. You tried envisioning his hands squeezing the doughy flesh, your head tilting to one side as you wondered if he'd be satisfied with your size. Small moans escaped you as you continued to fondle yourself, closing your eyes and imagining him whispering sweet nothings into your ear while he teased your breasts. You were sure he’d trail a line of kisses down your neck, pressing his naked front against you so you could feel his excitement poking at the small of your back. A sudden hard pinch to your nipple brought you out of your fantasy, the thought of his cock causing your fingers to twist the sensitive tip excitedly. 
You shook your head under the shower, trying to calm your racing thoughts before they got more explicit. 
To think such things about a man you hardly knew wasn’t good. What if you see him again tomorrow? Could you bear to look at him knowing where your thoughts were straying at this moment? 
You winced, memories of the loaded eye contact you threw his way making you want to smack yourself. Maybe you should apologize next time you see him. To prove to him that you weren’t a crazy lady that regularly gave the stink eye to neighboring passengers. Explain that your stress was getting to you. Perhaps be the first to wave at him next time to show there was no animosity between you. Maybe something could develop once you introduced each other, a giddy little voice tickled your ears.
Once you were done showering and drying your hair, you went back to the living room for your purse. You had placed your phone inside so the rain couldn’t wet it. You needed to wake up at a good time tomorrow to get ready for work so setting up an alarm was crucial. When you grabbed your purse, you noticed it felt lighter and looked down to see it was unzipped and wide open. 
Oh No. There’s no way…
You dug your hand inside, hoping to feel the familiar mass of your phone only to come out empty handed. Then you remembered your fall from earlier.
“Damn it, it must have fallen off when I fell,” you cursed under your breath, gnawing on your fingernail in worry for a minute before sighing tiredly. You needed to sleep and staying up late thinking about your lost phone was not going to help. You’d have to wait until tomorrow morning to ask the driver if anything was found.
Turning off all the lights in your place, you finally headed to bed, a yawn leaving your mouth as you placed a knee in your mattress. Under the covers of your blanket, you tried clearing up your mind so you could sleep quickly. A sudden image of the masked stranger flashed through your head, your growing curiosity of him affecting you even in your most tired state.
Right before you slept, a nagging at the back of your mind told you to be wary of him.
~
A man lay on his bed alone, hair plastered to his forehead as he breathed harshly. His shirt was raised to his waist, exposing his naked pelvis and muscled thighs as he pumped his rigid dick at a furious tempo. 
His choked groans and huffs were muffled by his mask, the man tilting his head back on his pillows to bask in the pleasurable sensations of his hand firmly stroking his length. Perspiration ran down every inch of him, the sweat dampening his bed and making him grunt at how his sheets clung to his heated skin. He slid his hand down his shaft– tightening his grip when he got to the base– hissing when it caused his cock to twitch before sliding it up once more to tease his cockhead and repeat the process. The squelch of the lubricant coating his dick was a decadent symphony next to his pleasured grunts, the aggressive handling of his pleasure nearly causing him to erupt as he continued to fuck his fist. 
He was nearly there, half lidded eyes eyeing the drop of precum threatening to slide down his shaft and mix with the lubricant. 
No, he didn’t want to cum so soon. Not without the image of the pretty bird he’d been stalking for the past month etched in his brain. God, she was so beautiful. Never had he seen a more perfect woman than you. His hands tightened remembering how soft and demure you were when he picked you up. The slight tremble in your body and your skittish behavior making him want to devour you where you stood. 
Biting his lip, he slowed his pace and closed his eyes in concentration, conjuring up an image that would help to reach his climax.
In his mind, it was no longer his hand wrapped around his dick. 
Instead, smaller hands were slowly stroking him in an almost reverent manner, seeming to worship every protruding vein and jerk of his member. A small gasp escaped you when cum drizzled out of his tip, smearing your fingers with the warm liquid to combine with the lube drenching his dick. He could feel the stickiness of it running down his thighs and balls, causing him to shudder at the sensation. 
He could see you biting your lip anxiously, staring at him with those expressive eyes of yours waiting for his instruction. Unable to resist, he'd grab your hair and yank you his throbbing cock, your flushed face gasping at the heat emitting from his rod of meat pressed against your cheek. He hoped you were a smart girl, knowing what he desired from you as he slapped his dick on your lips. 
He'd stare you down, arching an eyebrow as he waited for you to open that sweet mouth of yours. He knew he wasn't a small man–his girth was enough to intimidate even his most experienced past partners– but he was sure he could teach you how to swallow him down like a good girl.
You'd hesitate for too long, testing his patience. He’d need to be firm with you then. He'd pinch your nose between his fingers, blocking your airways and driving you to open your mouth to take a breath. It was all he needed to shove half of his cock inside your heated orifice. A guttural groan would echo in his room, the warmth of the hot cavern of your mouth and wiggling tongue on the underside of his dick making him see white for a second.
He could picture your muffled whimpering, your hands bracing against his thighs to pull away. He'd lift his upper body to get a better grip on your head, not allowing you to escape and forcing more of his dick down your throat. He'd praise you for being so good and lovely for him. Telling you to relax your throat, to make it easier for you. Before long, you'd obey his commands and start bobbing your head slowly to adjust to the fullness in your mouth. 
He'd allow you to work at your own pace, content with seeing your tear ridden face for a few minutes more before taking over when you were going too slow for his liking. Your eyes would widen with alarm when he thrusted his hips up, a gargled whine vibrating through his manhood from the fierce jab in your throat. He’d repeat the same action again, a pleased groan rumbling out of him at the feel of your mouth struggling to accommodate him. From there on, he'd use you like a fleshlight, gripping your hair tightly to pull your face down to every one of his savage thrusts. Spittle and cum would rain down your jaw, messing your appearance as you gagged and moaned around the dick hammering your throat. 
It was the fantasy of seeing you look up at him, eyes pinched with distress and tears streaming down your heated and sweaty face, that made him finally snap.
His hips jerked up in his hand, his body vibrating violently just as his cock shot out endless ropes of cum in the air. He grunted with each twitch of his pelvis, feeling the warm liquid pooling in the crevices of his contracting abs and staining his shirt. His chest heaved with exertion, the stranger breathing heavily as a result of cumming from his heightened lust. His mask hid his delirious smile, the stranger chuckling to himself at the euphoria he felt and the mess he created.
Only you could make him cum so strongly to drive him to lose himself.
Minutes passed until he was able to get his breathing under control, begrudgingly getting out of his bed to clean himself up. 
Something about you had him hooked. What started off as a fleeting crush morphed into a distorted and unhealthy obsession, the stranger falling deeper in love with you every passing day, as well as the urge to take you growing exponentially worse. .
He longed to know what it felt like to have you in his arms, the thought keeping him up often at night.
Luckily for him, his wish finally came true tonight, remembering the softness of your body in his hands. You were a small little thing compared to him, barely reaching his chest. It wouldn't take much to overpower you, the statement giving rise to depraved thoughts of your squirming body underneath him, naked and helpless under his ardent touch. It took everything in him not to pull you closer, wanting to feel your delicious shape against his frame as the fantasy played in his head. He hated his mask at that moment, realizing he could've caught a whiff of your scent too if he wasn't keen on hiding his identity. 
The stranger's eyes furrowed in displeasure at this, angry at himself for missing an opportunity to know you more intimately. Turning off the sink, he didn't bother to dry his hands when he ripped his mask off and flung it in the trash. 
In a foul mood, he exited his bathroom and marched towards his study. It was already past midnight but there was something important he had to do before he slept.
Entering the room, he didn't bother to close the door and sat down, sliding the chair closer to his desk to get to work. He was inputting his PC’s password when he glanced at the rectangular object next to him.
It was your phone. 
He inspected it, taking note of your phone cover and thinking it suited someone like you. He pressed the on button, seeing your phone screen light up and ask for the passcode to access it. He typed in a few guesses and not to his surprise, none worked. 
No worries. This would only be a momentary issue. Nothing that he couldn't crack open once he plugged your device to his computer. Sure enough, within a few moments, all your browsing history and personal information was revealed to him. His eyes traveled greedily over all your files, desperate to know who you were and what you liked.
His impatience to claim you was nearing a tipping point. He already had a small taste of you and it was not enough. HIs hands clenched into fists. He wanted more. Desired to thoroughly possess you and infect you with his love. 
One way or another, you were going to be his.
He would make sure of it.
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lyraa-kill · 2 days
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Shapeshifter Simon who’s true form is the Cerberus (new MW3 alone skin), only he hides it nearly all the time. Very few people know his “monster” status, and he’d like to keep it that way. He’d honestly like to stay in his human form for the rest of his life and completely forget about his two other heads.
Until he meets Johnny.
Suddenly, he wants Johnny to know him. He aches and yearns for Johnny to see his true form and still tell him that he loves him, that he thinks he’s handsome, that he wants to be with him. The two other consciousnesses he conceals scream at him inside to be let out, they want to know Johnny too! They want to be kissed and their faces held too! It’s not fair that Simon gets all of Johnny’s affection!
So one day, he calls Johnny into his room. He needs to show him. The nerves and adrenaline are coursing through his body, making him shake and his mouth go dry.
Johnny knocks on the door, then slowly opens it up once Simon says to come in.
“Ye wanted to see me?” Johnny asks, shutting the door behind him and making his way to Simon.
Simon nods. He can’t speak. Fuck, the anxiety is so bad. He feels his heart pounding at his chest like it’s about to break through his ribs.
“What’s wrong? Are ye alrigh’?” Johnny reaches up and gently holds Simon’s face, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs through his mask. Simon’s two other heads cry inside, wanting to know that touch as well.
“I’m- I’m okay.” Simon stammers. “I… I need to show you something.”
Johnny nods and looks at Simon, waiting.
“It’s weird. You’re going to freak out. B-but I need you to know, okay? I… I need to show you who I am. I need… I want to know if you can still love me, once you see the real me.”
Johnny’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Ah don’t understand. Of course I love you. That’s never going to change.”
Simon shakes his head. “Just… please. Johnny. Don’t freak out. Promise me you’ll stay calm.”
Johnny nods, a look of confusion on his face. “I promise.”
Simon lets loose a long sigh. Here goes nothing. Slowly, he lets the transformation start to course through him. He feels his flesh move and mold itself into its proper place, his bones and veins and muscles and arteries rearranging themselves. He feels his two other heads spring from his shoulders, his other arms pushing out of his back.
Johnny watches. His eyes go wide, his heart starts to pound. What the fuck is he witnessing? What is his boyfriend turning into? What is Simon turning into?
When the transformation is complete, Simon (and Ghost and Riley) stand there. Utterly terrified. Ghost and Riley are ecstatic to see Johnny with their own eyes for the first time, but they can also see the look of panic on Johnny’s face. The subtle step back he took. They can hear the pounding of his heart, smell the adrenaline in his blood.
“I’m a shapeshifter,” Simon says. “This… this is what I truly look like.”
Johnny stands there in silence.
“I know you weren’t expecting this and that it seems unbelievable. I know it’s probably terrifying. I’m… I’m sorry. Fuck. God, Johnny- I’m so fucking sorry-“
Simon starts to tear up looking at Johnny’s shocked face. He just ruined this. He ruined the most perfect and beautiful thing in his life. He starts to transform back, cringing when Ghost and Riley start to groan in protest.
Johnny reaches out, putting his hands on his shoulders. “Wait!” He exclaims.
Simon stops the transition. He gulps.
Johnny takes a deep breath in and swallows the rock in his throat. He looks at all three heads. Really looks at them. The middle one is his Simon. His perfect, beautiful, sculpted by the god’s Simon. The one to the left, because of the mask, looks near identical to Simon, but there’s something different in the eyes. The one to the right wears a different mask, and his face looks slightly different, his eyes more rounded and soft.
They’re all beautiful. If this is who Simon really is, if he’s three people in one, Johnny can love him. He can love all three of them. Absolutely.
“I’m not… I’m not scared of ye, Simon. I’m not.” Johnny says. “This is a little shocking and it’s not what I was expecting. I… wasn’t even aware this sort of thing could happen in reality. But I’m not scared. Never of you.”
Simon sighed, tears falling from his eyes. Ghost and Riley join in too.
“They’ve been wanting to meet you,” Simon whispers. “Was jealous I got you all to myself.”
Johnny smiles. “That right?”
The head to the left groans, a few raspy inaudible words leaving its mouth. “That’s ghost.” Simon says. The head to the left groans as well, muttering out a small Johnny. “That’s Riley.”
Johnny smiles. He holds Simon’s face in his hands, then softly kisses him on the forehead. “I love you, Simon.” He says. He turns to the left and grabs that head, saying, “I love you too, Ghost.” He then turns to the last head, softly holding him under the chin and kissing him on the tip of the nose, then says, “I love you as well, Riley.”
All three heads cry from joy. Simon at being accepted, and Ghost and Riley finally being able to feel Johnny’s touch.
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laurfilijames · 15 hours
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Breathe
Part 10
Pairing: Will 'Ironhead' Miller x female reader
Words: 6.5k
Warnings: Rated E, 18+. Swearing. Alcohol consumption. Fingering. Squirting. Oral sex (F receiving). Masturbation (M). Description of a heart attack and administration of CPR.
Summary: Comfortable domestication sets into your routines after Will officially moves in with you, and a quick stop at the grocery store on the way home from the gym earns Will another reputation at Publix.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who continues to follow this story and pour on so much love and excitement for it! With the events in this chapter, I'll urge anyone who has never learned or is set to renew to please get certified in CPR as you never know if and when you may need it! (In case anyone is wondering I've been watching far too much Bondi Rescue, already have a kink for first responders, and work in healthcare so this is the result 🤣)
Series Masterlist
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Will pulled another one of his t-shirts out of the box he was unpacking and shook it loose from its current fold, refolding it and then tucking it neatly in the drawer that had been designated for him in your dresser.
All of his things were moved into the house thanks to the help of the guys, and after a couple of sleepless nights due to his insomnia put to good use, almost everything he owned had found a new place intermixed with yours, leaving him with only a few more boxes to sort through.
The usual anxiety he got from disorganization was calmed by a sense of peace he hadn’t experienced in as long as he could remember, the normal stresses of moving his belongings yet again whisked away by the comforts of your house already feeling like home to him, the disarray of clothes and personal possessions that made him tick seeming small compared to the joy that was so immense in his heart.
“Hey,” your soft voice sang as you entered the room, walking up behind him where you carded your hands up his back and pressed a kiss on his shoulder.
Will smiled and covered your hand with his after you had wrapped it around to his front, glancing over his shoulder at you to see your face as much as he could.
“I was thinking you might want something to eat. Are you hungry?”
“Hmm, yeah,” Will confirmed, the grumble in his stomach unnoticed until now with how focused he was on putting things away.
“Okay, I’ll go whip us something up,” you offered, puckering your lips against his back one more time before peeling yourself off of him.
“I’ll do it,” he countered, taking an empty box and stacking it in another one on the floor. “You don’t have to do everything.”
He looked at you with a mix of appreciation and guilt, and you instantly knew a lot of your time living together would be spent with him trying to repay everything you did, never wanting you to lift a finger more than you should have to.
“How about we cook together then.”
Will’s smile was crooked on his gorgeous face, the grin bringing out the lines around his eyes that you loved so much, and he followed behind as you turned and walked out of your room, feeling his arms wrap around you to make you wobble with each step.
You laughed and held onto his forearms, squirming slightly as he rubbed his face back and forth on the side of your neck, a low growl reverberating through him.
He eventually released you, stalking you from a step back whenever you looked over your shoulder at him, pulling your lip in your teeth in seeing the ravenous glint in his eyes.
You decided to lean into this mood he was in, the confidence you felt from the way he kept staring at you making you work to tease him in subtle ways; casually touching your neck and chest with a light trace of your fingers, or slipping past him closer than was necessary to grab cutlery out of the drawer, your breasts brushing his arm as you did.
Looking over your shoulder to see if your flirting ways were getting a rise out of him, you giggled when you saw him shake his head ever so slightly, a quiet warning that only encouraged you more.
You had no reason to bend over to open one of the lower cabinets, but did so anyway, sticking your bum out purposefully in hopes he would take the bait.
Straightening yourself, you continued to face away from him, taking a pot and setting it in the sink where you flicked on the tap to fill it, accepting that you should try to make a valiant attempt at actually making dinner rather than only teasing him.
You grinned when you heard him approach, excitement bubbling in you as you anticipated his retaliation.
His large hand landed on your ass with a smack, playfully but with enough force to make every part of you ache, his tone full of wanting as he leaned over you from behind and spoke in your ear.
“Keep acting like that and we’ll be skipping dinner altogether.”
“Is that a promise or a threat?” you quipped, turning your body to better admire the way his t-shirt clung to his form as he retreated from you and reached up to open a cupboard, peering out at you behind the door with his eyebrows raised.
“Both. But maybe if you’re a good girl you’ll be made into dessert.”
Heat rushed through your body, your heart thrumming wildly in your chest as he shut the door with some force and closed the distance between you, his dominant stature looming over you and making you feel defenseless in the best way possible.
You closed your eyes, tilting your chin slightly to invite him to do whatever he wanted with you, reminding yourself to breathe as you stood waiting, your body completely still while arousal and lust ran frantically inside you.
You could feel him lean in close to you, the warmth of his body occupying your space, knowing his mouth was so close to yours and that his piercing blue eyes were watching you react.
Remembering once again to breathe, you forced yourself to release the air held in your lungs, your impatience growing as you continued to wait for Will to touch you in some way.
A quiet moan passed your lips with the breath you let out when he caught your chin with his hand, a firm hold on it with his thumb and index finger tucked underneath, angling your head back slightly more.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, the sound of awe in his voice making you smile, your chest swelling from his praise.
“I love you, sweetheart,” he added, his thumb moving to pull down your bottom lip before finally closing what little gap remained between you to kiss you. It was soft and sweet and full of a gentleness that was the opposite of what you were expecting, his hand letting go of your chin to land on your hips with the other one, squeezing your flesh before slipping them up and around your back.
You felt him exhale into you, his body relaxing and melting into yours, and after another minute of slowly tangling his tongue with yours he broke the seal of your lips.
His eyes were heavy when they flickered from your lips that were plump and moist from his and up the rest of your face until he met your gaze, his words coming out quietly but with a conviction you couldn’t deny.
“Let’s go to bed, dinner can wait.”
The house was full of laughter, bringing the biggest smile to your face as you cleaned up a bit in the kitchen, hearing Benny telling a funny story and all the other guys erupt loudly, the happiness you felt in hearing the sound of Will’s true laugh comparable to nothing else.
A full week had passed since he officially moved in with you, and tonight the guys were over for dinner to thank them for their help with moving all of his stuff over to your house; the pizzas almost all devoured and the empty beer bottles accumulating quickly.
Benny strutted into the kitchen as he called out a jab at Frankie over his shoulder, his broad smile greeting you and making yours stretch wider.
“Just remember,” he started, grabbing a couple of beers out of the fridge. “No take-backsies. I know more than anyone what a pain in the ass that one can be to live with but he’s all yours now.” His words came out serious but you knew Benny well enough to know he was joking, the look on his face giving away all the fallacy in his statement.
You laughed and shook your head. “Don’t worry, I’m not letting him go.”
“That’s what I like to hear!” he shouted, exiting the kitchen.
It had been another hour and Frankie, Santiago and Benny were all making their way out the door, Frankie supporting Tom as best he could as more than a few too many beers started to really show their effect on him.
“You sure you got him?” You heard Will ask Frankie as you rounded the corner from your bedroom.
“I’m fine!” Tom slurred, laughing as he tried to shake Frankie’s hold on him, only to stumble out the door and into Benny.
“Yeah, I’ll get him home,” Frankie assured Will, his tone sober and slightly annoyed, this not the first time any of them had had to wrestle his keys from him and drive him home.
“Thanks, man,” Will nodded, closing the door behind them once they all managed to find their way out.
He locked the door and turned around, puffing out his cheeks in a sigh as he raised his eyebrows at you with a knowing glance, then made his way over to the couch.
Will flopped down on it, resting his head back against it, his arms stretched out over the back while his legs splayed out wide.
You looked him up and down, never able to get over how long his legs were in his jeans that fit him so well and how you always found yourself desperate to straddle him whenever he sat like that.
Like he could read your thoughts, he beckoned you over with the tilt of his head, his smile crooked on his lips.
“Come here, sweetheart,” he purred.
You smiled as you slowly made your way over, watching him watch you with satisfaction and a slight deviousness on his face.
You went to grab onto his shoulders and straddle him, only to be stopped when he shook his head and spoke with a quiet demand.
“Not yet.”
You raised your brow and tilted your head, putting your hands up in the air to exaggerate not being able to touch him, a light chuckle sounding off his gorgeous lips.
“Get undressed,” he ordered, the hunger in his eyes making heat burst through your entire body, the need to get your clothes off even more pressing.
There was no time to waste with him sitting there looking like that, so amused and aroused, his confidence radiating through the room between you and into you as you began slipping out of your shirt and then pants, but slowed down when you got to your lacy set of underwear.
Nothing on Will moved other than his chest rising and falling with controlled breaths, his stoicism exciting you even more, his patience something to be admired.
You teasingly pulled the straps of your bra off your shoulders in turn, maintaining eye contact with him when you reached behind your back and popped the clasp open, squirming on the spot when it fell to the ground and exposed your chest.
Will tipped his chin up slightly, a subtle sign of his appeasement, his eyes seeming to glow as they floated over your breasts and then down your stomach to where your thong still covered you.
Hooking your thumbs in the waist of it, you slowly shimmied the tiny garment down your hips, only to stop and put it back in place, smiling when Will tilted his head in a somewhat cautionary way, making you abide and pull the underwear all the way down your legs as you bit your lip.
“Good girl,” he praised, his voice low and rough.
“Can I come touch you now?” you asked, hoping his answer would be the one you wanted.
He nodded, his smirk ever-present on his perfect face, and you made your way over to him with as much composure as you could muster, really just wanting to leap into his lap and attach yourself to him.
It wasn’t as easy to get your way as you had thought; Will spinning you to face away from him once you were standing between his legs, a small huff of disappointment blowing out of your lungs as you were made to face the rest of the living room.
“Don’t pout,” he chided, his fingers tracing up the side of your thighs and across your hips, then over the curve of your bum, the sensation divine and ticklish all at once.
You felt his face brush against your skin, his beard both soft and rough, and you hummed as you relaxed to his touch, every caress familiar yet just as exciting as the first one.
His hand slid between your legs, his long fingers running through your folds while his other hand gripped your cheek and pulled it apart, a needy whine sounding out of you involuntarily.
You heard him groan as he continued to explore you, feeling your wet coating his fingers, his nose grazing against your skin as he brought his face nearer to your ass, smelling your arousal and inhaling all of you.
The sound of his heavy breathing and feeling it blow out on your naked flesh made you smile, knowing how crazy he was driven just from you standing there ready for him, your curiosity as to what he would do with you next spiking as much as your desire.
With his patience fully spent, Will forcefully pulled you down onto his lap, his hands pressing firmly on your stomach and chest to angle you back against his front.
You could feel the heat pouring off of him through his shirt and jeans, the denim rough on your bare skin as you shifted slightly and wiggled your bum against the hard bulge you were sitting on.
“Fuck,” he growled, his mouth beside your ear, pressing a kiss to your neck as he grabbed one of your legs at a time and threw them over his vast thighs, spreading his legs further apart so yours automatically did too.
You were now completely stretched wide, your cunt exposed to the rest of the room in front of you, Will’s right hand carding down your stomach that moved with your laboured breaths until he reached your splayed folds and inserted two of his fingers.
Your hips immediately began to move the moment he started pumping his fingers in and out of you, riding his hand that expertly massaged you, your soft cries of pleasure breaking through the quiet air already.
“That feels good, doesn’t it?” he asked in your ear, his mouth reattaching to the side of your neck.
You nodded, only to have the option of moving your head stop when his hand that wasn’t between your legs came up and wrapped around your throat, applying the most gentle pressure that had you aching and even wishing he would hold it tighter.
“Will,” you breathed, begging for more, the tempo at which you rocked against his hand increasing, his fingers that were hot and slick from your body moving to toy with your clit.
“You look so beautiful like this, sweetheart,” he growled, his tone not matching the sweetness of his words but all of it making you climb to your high even more.
He inserted his fingers back inside your hole, the heel of his hand hitting your clit and providing a firm base for you to grind against, and he released his other hand from around your neck and let it land on your tits, tugging at your nipples to make you cry out even more.
He kept you firmly against him, your skin rubbing on the material of his clothes with such contrast, your nudity feeling dirty and sinful and adding to everything you were feeling.
“That’s it, baby,” he encouraged, his voice strained as you ground on his throbbing cock through his jeans. “You’re gonna squirt all over me, yeah?”
His question rang out through the blood that rushed in your ears, your orgasm imminent and coming on fast, and knowing you were going to make a mess on him brought you to the edge, heat and pressure coiling at the base of your spine as he continued to roughly fuck you with his fingers.
You attempted to close your legs as your climax ripped through you, only to have Will keep them locked apart how they were by pressing his own further out, forcing you to feel every single part of your high as thoroughly as you could, the pace he kept with his hand not faltering.
You screamed and gripped his forearm hard, knowing you were leaving claw marks in his skin, your entire body spasming as you succumbed to everything he was giving you.
There was no rest when you were done, his fingers still working you relentlessly, determined to pick you apart as much as he could.
“Good girl, you're not done yet,” he hissed, keeping the same harsh rhythm that made you break in the first place.
You jolted against him, wailing and pleading, your body calming just enough to start the build on your second orgasm.
“Fuck! Will!”
“Come on, sweetheart,” he encouraged, his breath hot on your damp skin.
His large form supported you as you arched back into him, pressing hard against his front where he felt so solid compared to how boneless you felt from the intense pleasure he was providing you, and with even more persistence, Will’s fingers made you fall apart again.
The orgasm was even more profound than the first, and just as he had predicted he would make happen, you squirted all over his lap.
“Fuck, that’s it, keep going,” he praised, not letting up as he made sure to draw out every second of euphoria, the mess you were making not his concern right now.
You glanced down at his arm that was still working between your legs, noticing his tattoo glistening with your wet, the movement of his fingers on you finally slowing.
About to make a request to return the favour by offering yourself for him to use in which ever way he wanted, you were robbed of the chance, Will efficiently placing you off his lap and onto the leather cushion that was now slippery and getting on his knees in front of yours that he was forcing apart with his hands.
He looked at you hungrily, ready to devour you, his glance almost a warning that made your breath halt in your lungs as you waited for him to pounce, his fingertips gripping at the softness of your thighs.
“I need to taste this,” he huffed out, his chest moving exaggeratedly with heaving breaths.
Will dove his face between your legs, licking a broad stripe up your inner thigh until he reached your soppy cunt, your body shuddering in reaction to more stimulation on your oversensitive sex.
“Fuuuuuck!” The word was drawn out, your head falling back against the couch as you arched into his face, his hands pulling you closer to him as he dragged you to the edge by gripping under your ass.
He ate everything he had coaxed out of you, his groans of appreciation rumbling through you, and you opened your eyes when you felt him remove his hands from your body, watching him unbuckle his belt and then open the button of his jeans, the sound of his zipper pulling down making an excited noise blow passed your lips.
He continued to lick and suck at your clit, swiping through your folds and then swirling his tongue around your swollen bud, giving it a pull with his lips as he peeled his boxers down enough to release his throbbing cock and take hold of it, his breathing and intensity of his movements on you increasing after just a couple of strokes on himself.
Knowing he was transferring your juices from his hand onto his cock to lubricate his actions turned you even more feral, his muffled groans driving you even more crazy with lust.
“God, Will!” you cried, reaching behind you to grip the back of the couch with your hand, riding his face that he kept pressed firmly on your center, your eyes closing again despite being so desperate to see him jerk his long cock in his hand.
He was focused on his task, destined to make you shatter for a third time only now on his tongue, your pleasure adding to his own.
“Fuck, baby, I’m gonna come again!” you wailed, and Will stayed exactly how he was, maintaining the same pace and pressure on your aching cunt as you crumbled, the only change being on his cock that he pumped furiously.
You exploded on his mouth, your cry sharp as your body convulsed, hardly noticing that Will had left your body and stood before you in your weak, fucked-out state as soon as you had finished.
Your tired eyes opened slowly when you felt his fingers under your chin, holding your face up, his thumb swiping on your lower lip where he gently forced your mouth open.
You looked up at him with love and obedience, letting your jaw hang for him, watching his gorgeous face contort with pleasure as he continued to work himself.
The muscles of his stomach and legs flexed wildly as he started to release, his moans growing louder as his load shot out onto your lips and tongue that you stuck out to catch a taste, not shying away from being covered in his cum, angling your torso forward to get yourself directly in the path of it.
It felt wonderfully warm on your skin, landing on your chest that had now cooled slightly from your sweat, your nipples hardening as it dripped down the curve of your breasts and tickled your sensitive skin.
Your smile was almost deranged as you looked up at him, the man who you loved and would do absolutely anything for, never feeling more powerful and sexy than you were now as you sat in your own mess while covered in his, the smell of your love heavy in the air.
He knew it too, his own crooked, sated grin tugging up the one side of his lips as he caught his breath, his hand returning to hold your face as he looked down at you with pride.
“You look gorgeous, sweetheart,” he spoke lazily, his orgasm taking away any tension in his body.
Your grin stretched out even more, the most satisfied, warm feeling running through your veins, your eyes closing as you bit your lip and caught another taste of him and relished in the way he loved and praised you.
“You don’t mind if I just run in quickly?” you asked, watching Will nod his head again in confirmation as he turned left at the stoplight.
“Yes! It’s fine,” he chuckled, amused that you had now checked with him twice that he didn’t care if you stopped in at the grocery store quickly on your way home from the gym. “I can get some stuff to barbecue for dinner tonight.”
“Yeah? Okay,” you agreed lightly, happy he was choosing to come in with you and didn't seem too bothered by it.
Will pulled into the Publix parking lot and found a spot near the back that was away from all the other cars and big enough for his truck, raising his eyebrows at you as he turned the key in the ignition and unfastened his seatbelt.
“Let’s go,” he chimed, opening his door with a somewhat forced smile, and you sensed a bit of hesitation growing in him as the amount of occupied parking spaces indicated the number of people inside.
You met him on the other side of the truck after getting out where he stood waiting for you, taking your hand in his before walking through the lot together.
“Thanks for coming with me,” you said softly to him, turning your head and pressing a kiss to his shoulder as you walked.
He gave your hand a squeeze and smiled at you, his sigh audible as you stepped in through the automatic doors.
“Why don’t you go grab what you need and I’ll meet you at the checkout?” he suggested, his eyes surveying the store rather than looking at you.
It was busy, families and couples and even more people on their own weaving in and out of the produce stands with their carts, and you knew Will already wanted out of there as quickly as possible.
“Okay, I’ll be quick,” you promised, already stepping away from him to get a move on despite not wanting to let go of his clammy hand.
Will cursed under his breath as he made his way through the produce section, regretting his decision of coming in as he felt a slight sense of panic start to creep up his spine, and he began counting his breaths to himself as he grabbed some peppers and zucchinis and then moved to where the fresh meat was displayed.
He picked out a pack of chicken thighs and felt some relief that he had efficiently got everything he needed for dinner, only to remember the bottle of olive oil at home was almost empty and he would have to go through more of the store to get to the aisle where it was stocked.
He breathed out a sigh of relief when he turned down the aisle and it was empty aside from a gentleman facing one of the shelves who he assumed was in his sixties, passing by him quietly to stop in front of the bottles of various types of cooking oils, glancing at the prices and regions they were from.
Will reached out for a bottle, stopping when he felt a heavy hand land on his arm, making him shuffle it against the other ones on the shelf and almost fall off.
“What the f–” he started, his hand raising quickly in an instinct to protect himself while his anger did the same in his alarm, the groceries he was holding falling to the ground. When he saw it was the man he had passed dropping to the floor beside him in a heap, he immediately changed his tune, his confusion and defensiveness switching to act on the first aid training he’d practiced his whole career.
“Hey, hey,” he called, doing his best to guide the man carefully to the floor so he didn’t hit his head, a look of pure terror in his eyes as he stared at Will desperately. “It’s okay, buddy.”
“Fuck!” Will cursed, whipping his head around to look for help as the man immediately went unconscious.
Will’s index and middle fingers landed on his neck to check for a pulse, carefully waiting for a couple of seconds only to feel nothing beating against them.
He quickly positioned himself at the man’s side and placed his hands one on top of the other in the center of his sternum, beginning compressions and counting each one in his head.
One, two, three, four, five…
Each second felt like an eternity as Will waited for someone to pass by the aisle, unable to believe with how busy the store was that there was somehow no one around.
…eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen…
Finally someone walked by.
“Hey! HEY!” Will shouted, his voice a boom amongst the normal sounds of chatter and generic music playing overhead, the beep of the cash register scanning food carrying on as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.
The other man Will had yelled at stood frozen behind his cart, only nodding his head as Will instructed him what to do.
“Call 911 and ask an employee for a defibrillator. Now.”
The guy fumbled for his phone in his pocket but to Will’s relief was on the line with the 911 operator right away, and thankfully someone else noticed what was happening and came over to Will.
“What can I do?” they asked, kneeling beside the unresponsive man.
“Tip his chin up and back to try to open his airway,” Will explained, still compressing on his chest.
About a minute later and already into his second round of chest compressions, an employee skirted around the corner with the defib in hand, moving quickly to open it.
“There should be scissors in there,” he explained, still counting in his head. “Cut his shirt off.”
They did as they were told, quickly exposing the man’s chest as Will continued to press on it where his unbeating heart lay beneath, trying to get it pumping again.
“Put one pad here…good, and the other there,” he nodded, indicating the spots where they needed to go with his head as he continued what he was doing.
Will stopped doing CPR once the automated voice instructed him to stop touching the patient, waiting for the defibrillator to assess and confirm if a shock was needed, wiping the sweat dripping from his face with his hand.
When you heard an employee who was stocking a shelf say to another as you walked by that there was an emergency happening a few aisles over, your heart immediately jumped into your throat.
Automatically, you started hurrying through the store, glancing down each section you passed in search of Will, trying to calm yourself and reassure your racing mind that it was unlikely it had anything to do with him, knowing nothing like what happened to him before in this store was likely to happen again.
You slid between a group of people crowding around the end of the condiments section, standing by and watching the scene before them that you eventually were able to see for yourself.
Will’s wearied, blue eyes instantly met with yours as you locked in on him kneeling beside an older man who paramedics were now attending to, the apparent excitement starting to settle as the man who, from what others were whispering beside you, was ‘dead’ only a minute ago.
Will gave you a nod that told you he was fine as he continued telling the paramedics what had happened and how many rounds of compressions he had performed, and that after two sets of CPR, the man’s pulse returned after having been unresponsive for exactly four minutes and fifty-three seconds.
Knowing there was nothing more he could do now that the paramedics were treating him and he had regained consciousness, Will stood and stepped over to you, placing his arm around you so his hand landed on the small of your back.
You felt it shake against you slightly, but he nodded again to confirm he was okay when you asked, his deep breath blowing out as he pressed a kiss onto your forehead.
A woman beside him clapped her hand on his arm appreciatively, congratulating him on his efforts. “You’re a hero!”
A few other people standing close agreed with her claim, and Will shook his head and glanced over at you, his voice quiet when he spoke.
“Can we get outta here?”
“Yeah, of course,” you agreed, not taking your eyes off of him as you slipped through the crowd and made your way out of the store.
It was silent after his door slammed shut, and you watched as Will stared out the windshield for a minute before sighing out slowly and then looked down at his lap.
You didn’t say anything, simply reached over and placed your hand over his, smoothing your thumb on the back of his hand until you saw the tension he held in his body visibly relax, his shoulders dropping and the flex in his cheek releasing.
His next sigh mixed with a bit of a laugh, shaking his head as he finally spoke.
“Maybe I'll have a better reputation at Publix now.”
You squeezed his hand, watching him continue to look almost defeated even though what he had just done was truly amazing, knowing how much guilt burdened him from the first incident he’d had at the store.
“You’re a good man, Will,” you proclaimed, feeling it to be the most true thing that’s ever come out of your mouth other than your love for him, your heart aching for him that he would never believe it no matter how many lives he saved or good things he did to make up for the ones he’d taken and choices he’d made.
When he remained quiet, knowing his mind was going a mile a minute and beginning to torture him with things he could no longer control, you leaned over the console and reached for his face, landing your palm on his cheek to get him to look at you.
“Hey,” you called, softly, and he smiled weakly as he turned his head and glanced over. “Do you want me to drive?”
He shook his head again, leaning slightly into your palm for a second as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“No, it’s okay. Driving will give me something to focus on. Thank you though,” he said, genuinely, his hand covering yours that still remained on his cheek, kissing your palm before peeling it off of him so he could press a kiss on your knuckles.
“Let’s go home,” he added, adjusting his body against his seat to shift his tired muscles before putting on his seatbelt and turning the key to start up the engine with a low roar.
“I’m gonna have a shower,” Will announced when you got in the door, still needing one after the gym and even more so now after the stress of the emergency at the store.
“Yeah, okay, enjoy,” you said, giving him a quick peck on his lips.
Your eyes lingered on him for a moment, and he looked at you honestly, his tone true when he spoke.
“I’m okay, sweetheart, I promise.”
You smiled. “I know you are, Will. How about I sort us out some dinner? You must be hungry after all that.”
He held his stomach and sighed with a grin, “I’m starving!”
You giggled and nodded, stepping toward him again to wrap your hands around his middle to hug him, angling your face up at his. “Okay, go get clean and then I’ll get you fed.”
“Mmm,” he hummed, kissing you slowly. “I’ll never deserve you, baby.”
His hands stroked your hair as his eyes swept over your features like he would never fully grasp that you were his to love and vice versa.
“But you do,” you corrected, a smile dressing your lips when a smirk formed on his.
Will finally broke your embrace and disappeared to the bathroom, leaving you to go to the kitchen where you pondered what to put together for a meal while standing in front of an open cupboard.
You had really needed to grab a few things at the store, the pantry looking sparse and the fridge brighter than normal with all the empty spaces in it, and closing the door, you decided it was worth spending a couple extra bucks to order in some comfort food after a trying day.
Even though it wasn’t remotely cool outside, you decided some hot, spicy Pho would be the perfect choice, quickly ordering it on a delivery app and smiling when it was confirmed to arrive in less than twenty minutes.
You went into the living room and closed the curtains, grabbing two blankets from where they were neatly folded on the ottoman along with some pillows and placed them on the floor between the couch and coffee table.
A few candles were now lit and brought a warmth to the room that you loved so much, and you turned on the tv, selecting Seinfeld, knowing Will would appreciate having a familiar favourite on that would be easy to watch and take his mind off the excitement of what happened.
The sound of the shower was still going, and while waiting for the food to arrive, you ran down into the basement quickly to stick a clean towel in the dryer for a couple of minutes, hoping you would make it back up the stairs before Will was finished.
You slipped in the bathroom door that was left ajar, placing the hot towel on the vanity for him to use when he stepped out, taking a moment to admire his naked form standing beneath the stream of water, looking statuesque and godly.
Forcing yourself back out of the bathroom and not into the shower with him, you answered the door after hearing a knock, bringing the bag of food over to your cozy set-up.
You had just finished setting it all out when you heard Will walk in, and looked up to see him smiling brightly, his hair wet and sticking up a bit, his grey track pants low on his hips that made his bare upper body appear even longer.
“The warm towel was a nice touch,” he smirked, striding over where he wrapped his hands around you and pulled you into him, kissing you fiercely.
You giggled against his lips, your hands spreading out over his warm skin that was still tacky from his shower.
“Good.”
“What’s all this?” he asked, nodding behind you to the two giant bowls of soup.
You shrugged, “I thought it would be nice after everything that happened. Plus our options here were something between cereal and a can of tuna.”
Will’s eyebrows rose on his forehead in agreement, and he nodded as he looked at you with warmth and love in his blue eyes.
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
With full bellies, you moved onto the couch, snuggling up to Will’s side with his arm draped comfortably over you to keep you close to him, his occasional laugh moving your head along with that of his chest as you rested against it.
“I’m glad you were there with me today,” he said quietly, his fingers lacing with yours as he did.
“I was the one who dragged you there in the first place.”
He huffed a small laugh, his eyes crinkling at the sides as he looked down at your entwined hands.
“Maybe we were meant to be there,” he admitted, his voice quiet almost as if he was thinking out loud.
You nodded in agreement. “I think so.”
“I hope he’s doing okay,” he added, giving your hand a squeeze as he thought about the man’s family, hoping he was lucky enough to have someone to love and fuss over him through his recovery, realizing more than ever what it meant to have someone to love you with their whole heart but knowing that if there was such a thing as luck in this world, he had taken it all.
Will tilted his head to see your face better, staring at you for a minute before speaking with quiet conviction.
“I love you so much.”
You reached up and rubbed his cheek, his beard soft on your skin. “I love you too, Will.”
“I feel like I can’t tell you enough.”
Your smile faded out as you took in the perfection of him, the warmth in his eyes and the fullness of his lips, your eyes trailing down to his chest where his clean, porcelain skin harboured his heart that held more love in it than anyone you had ever met before.
“Then tell me again,” you whispered.
He leaned closer to you, his lips temptingly close to yours while maintaining eye contact that made your breath stop.
“I love you.”
---
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narryffdreaming · 15 hours
Text
lia and harry's story (two)
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summary: harry is a bartender and lia lives right across the street. rating: +18 || warnings: mental health (anxiety) and smut (here and there) word count: 15,7k
(ONE)
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Harry never texted her. 
Of course he didn’t. And it wasn’t as if Lia actually expected him to, but then why did he even bother asking for her number in the first place? Why pretend he wanted to talk to her? Why pretend there was the slight chance they would ever interact again?
Lia tightened the grip around her grocery bag and sighed. Her mind was about to explode. It really was. She was too tired, and not even the fact that it was already Friday and the weekend was ahead of her was enough to cheer her up. 
There was just too much going on. She couldn’t stop thinking, so she hadn’t been sleeping very well. 
After Harry had left her apartment, Lia had locked the door and leaned her back against it. And then she’d closed her eyes and recalled everything that had just happened — from Harry running after her, to him looking one last time over his shoulder and waving one final goodbye before walking down the stairs.
Their interaction had started for the wrong reasons, but it had been too good to be true, and not at all a fantasy of her mind. 
Harry standing in her living room had been real. His words, his stare, his smile. The sound of his laughter. The way he had cared about apologizing to her… 
It had all been real, it had all actually happened. 
And it had stirred a new feeling of excitement in the pit of her stomach. It had made her walk to the kitchen with a massive grin on her face, then giggle to herself while preparing things for the next day. 
Then of course, as minutes went by, everything she had just spent weeks promising herself she wouldn’t do anymore, happened all over again. 
She wasn’t proud of it. She tried to stop herself, but she couldn’t. No matter how innocent his actions had been, they were enough to fuel her with endless ideas and possibilities of how that night could’ve ended instead. And although she felt terribly embarrassed to admit, for more than one second she’d allowed herself to truly entertain those thoughts.
She imagined a conversation where she had been interesting and fun enough to captivate him. Or to fascinate him, just as much as he had fascinated her. She imagined her acting confident enough to seduce him, confident enough to flirt with him. She imagined Harry reciprocating the feeling. And a moment where, instead of leaving to go back to work, Harry ended up touching her freely and thoroughly. She imagined him hugging her, kissing her. Making her feel everything she so desperately wanted to feel. She so desperately needed to feel.
By the time she was lying in bed in silence and staring through the window, reality had hit her again: inviting Harry inside of her apartment had been a terrible, terrible idea.
She’d just gone from wondering what being around him would look and be like, to actually knowing it. And no matter how great she could be feeling right then and there, at the end of the day it would only complicate things. She knew that. It would only make everything worse. 
At the same time, as ashamed as Lia felt of her imagination, the truth is that Harry’s real words weren’t helping her, either — like when he mentioned he owed her a drink, or when he asked for her number. 
Those very real words weren’t easy to get rid of. They echoed inside Lia’s mind constantly, ruining all of her attempts of never thinking about him again. They kept her company in the mornings while getting ready for work, then at lunch and in between classes, and also all over the afternoons. They popped up again, randomly, as she jumped off the bus and waved a timid goodbye to the very well-known driver, and again later at night when she took a shower, ordered takeaway and went to bed once again.
During the weekend, because she needed a distraction, once again she’d taken a train back to her parents. And it helped her, mostly because it meant also getting to see her brother and sister-in-law. Something she enjoyed. Something she always thought she should do more often, anyway.
But then it was Monday, and she was back into the real world. Going from her apartment to work. And from work to her apartment. 
By Friday, after almost getting no sleep all week and paying no attention to anything but work, she wasn’t only ashamed and embarrassed—she was also sad and frustrated at how lame and uneventful her life was.
She was tired of living inside of her imagination, and angry at only watching others reaching their dreams and happiness. She was mad for not being able to let things go, and she was bored of the way she handled things. 
And, above it all, she was longing for someone who could take all her loneliness away.
It was a mix of emotions that she could only express by huffing and grumbling to herself as she stood in front of her building, one hand inside of her stupid gigantic bag while she frowned and blindly searched for her keys.
She had only left the house to go to the grocery store, so why did she even take that thing bag with her? And why was there always so much stuff inside it? 
She was so distracted and so madly annoyed at herself and her life, that she didn’t hear the bam when Harry closed the door of his car; nor the beep beep when he pressed the alarm and locked it; nor the pitter-patter when he got closer to her building. She also didn’t notice when he stopped by the first step, nor when he leaned his side against the railing and crossed his arms on his chest, nor when he watched her with an amused smirk on his face.
“Need some help there?”
Lia jumped and turned around, and the gasp that left her mouth was muffled by the crash of her bag hitting the ground, right next to her feet.
“Shit.” Harry ran up the steps in a blink of an eye, then squatted in front of her. 
Lia tucked her chin and looked down, letting her arms hang loosely by her sides and watching as he gathered the few objects that had fallen from her bag and threw them back inside.
He was wearing her favorite t-shirt — again. The old tight fabric perfectly outlining the muscles on his back and shoulders as he moved his arms here and there. 
His voice was a soft murmur in the back of her ringing ears, and she only noticed he was actually saying something when he placed one elbow on his bent knee and looked up at her with a frown on his face. 
“Sorry.” Lia shook her head and took a step back. “W—what?”
“I was just apologizing.” He stood up, pulling her bag along with him by the thick strap. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
Lia tightened her fingers around the single grocery bag she was holding, gripping at it as if her sanity depended on that frozen pizza she’d just bought for dinner.
“Right.” She nodded slowly, then licked her chapped lips. “It’s fine, yeah. You didn’t scare me.”
Harry half-snorted, half-scoffed. “I sure did, love. Is everything alright?”
Lia slumped her shoulders, and a lough sigh escaped through her lips and nose. She closed her eyes and scratched her forehead, then told him the exact same lie she’d been telling every single person who’d asked that same question in the last couple days.
“Yeah… Everything’s fine. Long week at work, that’s all.”
Harry hummed, and when she opened her eyes again, she found him leaning his lower back against the railing of her building. 
He looked at her curiously, green eyes staring at her as if he could see a different answer written all over her face. 
It was unsettling, but also oddly comforting at the same time. 
“Haven’t seen you at the bar anymore,” he finally said.
Lia looked around the street, watching the few people walking by. 
She didn’t know how to answer him. She didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t even a question, to begin with. He didn’t see her at the bar, because she didn’t go to the bar. Period. It seemed obvious, and boring. 
Was there anything else she could say instead? Something that would be more… Interesting? 
“Hey.” Harry circled her wrist with one hand, then gently squeezed.
Lia looked back at him, only to be met with the beautiful sight of a closed-mouth smile, a dimple, and wrinkles around his eyes. 
“You sure you’re ok?” He let his arm fall back to his side. “You look tired.”
Lia shifted on her feet and looked down, pulling her hair over one shoulder. She used her fingers to brush through her locks and put down some of her untamed strands. Then, as she rubbed under her nose with the side of one finger, she took her occupied hand to pull the hem of her sweater down.
“I look like a mess, I know,” she mumbled, shrugging one shoulder. “I guess… I haven’t been sleeping that much.”
Or at all.
“That sucks.”
The tone of his voice carried his sentiment, and she fed her curiosity by glancing at him. Once again, she met his green, caring and concentrated eyes, and for a moment she was convinced the entire world had stopped just for them.
There was a curl threatening to fall onto his forehead, and a very obvious stubble around his soft mouth — covering his chin, the sides of his face and the mole on the left side of his bottom lip.
The smoothness of his facial hair drew even more attention to his unprompted dimples, and the boyish breeze around him clashed with the intensity pouring out from his broad shoulders, sharped jaw and thick neck.
He stood so unconcerned in front of her, casually leaning against the cold iron that led to the front door of her building and holding the strap of her bag with both hands as it hung in between his parted legs and— 
“Oh my God!” Lia gasped. Shit. She straightened her back and took a step closer to him, stretching her arm to clasp her fingers around the strap of her bag. “‘M so sorry. You’ve been holding this and I just… I didn’t… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Shaking her head, Lia pulled one side of the strap towards her chest, expecting Harry to easily let it go. 
Harry tugged back, though, yanking her forward and in between his legs.
A yelp left her throat as she stumbled on her feet, her hand flying up along with the grocery bag to hold herself on his chest.
Harry’s free hand landed on her waist, keeping her in place while his other hand remained attached to the strap of her bag, just like hers.
“Just to be clear,” Harry murmured, sinking his fern green eyes into her dark brown ones. “I never said you look like a mess.”
Lia pressed her lips together and breathed out through her nose, then drifted her eyes down and between them. 
Her hand was still on his chest, and a tingling swept up through the back of her neck and across her face — she had just shoved a grocery bag into Harry’s chest. A grocery bag, with a frozen pizza in it. 
And he didn’t seem at least one bit bothered by it.
“It’s not what I meant, either, y’know,” he added. “When I said you look tired.”
Lia swallowed the nervousness down, ignoring the way her cheeks were burning. 
(Or, well, maybe actually trying to ignore the way her entire body was burning.)
“What… Uh… What did you mean, then?”
Harry shrugged, slightly digging his fingers into her waist. The way he held her, so firmly and yet so casually, made her heart skip a couple of beats. It was hard to pay attention to what was happening whilst also being hyper-aware of everything she was feeling, and an overwhelming emotion she couldn’t name spread all over her chest. 
“Just that I can tell you’re not doing ok.”
Oh. 
Lia frowned. 
Was that… 
Was that supposed to make her feel better? 
Harry let her waist go and reached for her hand, covering her hold around her bag. “May I?”
She answered by loosening the grip on the strap, and his response was just as instant — he slid his fingers under her palm and held her firmly, meanwhile lowered the item to the floor with his other hand and slowly dropped it between his feet. 
“I can also tell you could use a good night of sleep… Or maybe two,” he added. He took his new free fingers to his chest, removing the grocery bag from her other hand and putting it on the floor, too. “Probably could use some loosening up. Have some fun. Laugh a little.”
“Right,” she whispered, if only to stop him from listing everything that was wrong with her life. Or everything that could be better. Or everything that was missing. “That…” She cleared her throat. “Was that supposed to make me feel better? Because… I mean… None of that sounds good, y’know?”
Harry’s lips twitched up. 
“Yes, I know…” He nodded. He took his hand up to her face, brushing her skin while putting her hair away and locking it behind her ear. “Sorry. Promise it’s coming from a place of worry, though. That’s all.”
Her chest tightened, and her stomach swirled.
“I—I mean…” Lia licked her lips. “No need to worry. I’ll be fine. It’s nothing.”
“Hmm…” He let his arm fall on his lap, but his other hand kept holding hers, thumb moving in circles and gently brushing her skin. “Is there anything I can do? I’m here if you need any help.”
Lia furrowed her brows. “Like what?” 
“I don’t know…” Harry shrugged. “Whatever you need. Or want.”
An awkward laugh left Lia’s mouth, and she shook her head. 
If Harry knew what was keeping her awake at night, he wouldn’t be offering that.
“It’s fine. Thank you.”
“Ok,” he murmured. “What about tonight, then? Any plans?”
“Well… I just bought myself a frozen pizza, so…”
“Hmmm.” Harry smiled. “Yummy…”
Lia bit her lip. The low and teasing tone of his voice made her skin tingle.
“And what about after dinner?” 
“What—What about it?”
“Any chance you’ll come over to the bar? I still owe you a drink, remember?”
She brushed the tips of her fingers on his t-shirt, drawing random patterns before slowly pulling her arm away from him.
“I... I don’t think so. Sorry. I just... I’m really tired, and I don’t think being around too many people will help… It’s just… I don’t know… I guess… A lot of information? If that makes sense? Sorry, I don’t know how to explain it and—"
“Hey,” he called, squeezing her hand. “I get it. Makes perfect sense.”
“It does?”
“Yeah. Of course. The bar can get really loud and crowded… Not fun at all if all you want is to relax.”
“Yeah…” Lia blinked. Again and again. “That’s… Yeah. Thank you.”
He tilted his head. “Why are you thanking me?”
“I don’t know… For understanding? I guess? Not a lot of people do that.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “That’s ‘cause people suck.”
Lia snorted, and chuckled. She dropped her head, covering her mouth while her shoulders moved up and down. 
Hopefully, even though he was standing extremely close to her, Harry wouldn’t see the way her entire face scrunched up when she laughed. It wasn’t a very pretty sight to see. 
“Lia?”
She cleared her throat, shaking her head twice before taking a deep breath in and lifting up her chin. 
“Yeah?”
Their eyes found each other, and Lia immediately froze. 
Harry wasn’t laughing, and he wasn’t smiling. But he wasn’t mad, either. He held her stare with an inquisitive look, and it was so intense that it made her gulp down, unsettled by the hint of something flashing through them—something she was afraid to name, but wasn’t so hard to guess. 
“I’m glad you called me an asshole.”
She raised her eyebrows, and her voice was barely a whisper when she asked, “You are?”
“Mhm.” Harry nodded. “I really am.”
“W—why?”
He slid his tongue between his lips, getting them wet. They glistened under the sunset shades that surrounded them, and Lia stared at their slow movements as he spoke. “It brought us here, didn’t it?”
Shutting her mouth, Lia blinked blankly at him.
“I mean, of course I wish I hadn’t made you feel like that in the first place, but still… I’m glad you called me out for it.”
“Yeah I don’t… Usually do that, y’know? That’s why I freaked out and… Why I was so embarrassed about it. I guess I’m just… I’m just not brave enough to speak up. I don’t know.”
“If you don’t mind, I’ll respectfully disagree with that. You seem a lot braver than most people I know.”
Lia looked down, not able to hold back a smile. 
“I think…” she murmured. “I think I should go. It’s getting late.”
“Is it? Huh… Could stay here for hours.” 
Heat flushed up her neck, then spread all over her face. 
“Don’t you have to work tonight?”
“Oh, ooook then.” Harry laughed and stood up, straightening his body and causing her to stumble backwards. “Gotcha. Message received. I’m leaving now.”
“What? No!” Lia shook her head. “What message? I wasn’t—I just… It’s Friday, so I know it gets busier at the bar and… I wasn’t… Y’know… I didn’t mean… I just—" 
“Hey, hey…” Harry squeezed her hand, pulling her to step closer and into him again. “I know. I’m just teasing you, love. It’s fine.”
“Ugh… I really suck at this.” 
“You don’t.”
“Of course I do.”
“You don’t, and I mean it. If anything, I think it makes you even more interesting.” 
They stared at each other. 
Stared at each other. 
And stared at each other. 
They stared and stared, until the trembling inside Lia’s belly felt too much and she looked away.
Harry cleared his throat.
“Ok… I’ll let you go now, since it’s getting late and you’ve got a frozen pizza to cook…” he teased, happiness lingering in his voice. “But I’ll see you around, tho, right?”
“Y-yeah, sure… I—I’ll see you around.” 
Lia nodded, forcing her smile to stay longer even though the idea of saying goodbye to him only brought sadness to her chest. 
What the hell was happening?
And how long would it take until she saw him again?
— — — — — 
Pam was on the phone with her mom and Jim had just walked in the office when Lia’s phone buzzed on the couch, next to her thigh. 
How’s pizza?  Keeping you company?
Lia furrowed her brows, checking twice that the texts had been sent by an unknown number. And then her heart skipped a beat, and her hands began to sweat.
The idea of Harry reaching out was just as exciting and joyful as scary and unbelievable. To be fair, she couldn’t imagine who else it could be, but she also was too afraid to just assume. What if someone was pranking her? What if he was pranking her?
Her phone buzzed again.
This is Harry, btw. 
“Shit,” Lia murmured. 
She sat upright and pulled the blanket off from her lap, then grabbed her phone with her trembling and nervous hands.
It took her at least five minutes to come up with a calm and collected answer.  
still in the oven hi harry:)
Heat spread through her cheeks. 
She was so lame. So boring. 
Why was Harry even texting her?!
Her phone buzzed again.
Hii :) That’s a shame  You should’ve found yourself better company
Lia stared at her phone and bit her lip. 
The opportunity was there, right in front of her. In a fantasy world, she would’ve pointed out how he should’ve kept her company instead. Or maybe she would have invited him to be that better company. 
Both options ran through her mind. Both options tinkled on her fingers. And yet, it was Lia’s world she lived in, so she settled for the safest words to say. 
it was the best thing I could find at the grocery store
Opposite from her, he didn’t take a second to reply. As if he didn’t even need to think before he spoke.
Hmmm  Maybe next time you should try somewhere else, then
She read his text once, and twice. For a moment, an empty feeling in the pit of the stomach turned into nausea, but then her mind seemed to act on its own. Disconnecting from the rest of her body as it directed her fingers to type again.
I might… do you have any recommendations?
The three dots on Harry’s side of the conversation came up quickly, then they flashed for a while. And then, they disappeared. 
Lia swallowed hard, watching the screen for another minute or two just to make sure that no more answers would come through. When they didn’t, her stomach clenched, and the nausea became hard to ignore. So she put her phone away and stared back at the TV, pulling her knees to her chest and pretending to pay attention while she kept checking through the corner of her eyes. Then wincing every time she thought about her last text to him. Or how she never got a reply. 
Not then, not ten minutes later, and not even half an hour later. 
No matter how much she checked her phone, or how many times she peeked at the screen for a new notification, Harry’s answer was nowhere to be seen.
— — — — — 
Half a pizza and three episodes of The Office later, a loud knock on her door had Lia jumping on her seat. She paused the show with a frown, then waited to see if something else would happen. 
Maybe she could get away with pretending she wasn’t home. Maybe whoever was on the other side would give up and move on to the next door.
But then…
Another knock. And another one. 
And Lia finally got on her feet — because what if something bad had happened? What if someone was hurt? 
Another knock on the door. 
“Just a second!” she yelled, walking as fast as she could with her slippery purple socks.
She rubbed the tip of her nose and took a deep breath, then turned the key around and stepped aside to reveal… 
Harry?
Lia jerked her head back, chin slightly going down while she blinked at the tall figure standing in front of her.  
“Good evening, miss,” he said with a thick British accent and overly-polite voice. A proud smirk matched the twinkle in his eyes, and it only got deeper when he raised one hand and showed off a glass. “Did you order a mojito?”
.
.
.
Lia just… Stopped functioning? Or her mind went completely blank. And then, after a moment, her body reacted unconsciously, all at once—her arms fell to her sides, her mouth fell open, and her eyes widened. 
Maybe only a second passed until Harry chuckled and spoke again. Or maybe a minute, or maybe an hour. It would be hard to tell, and she wasn’t even paying attention to that. It didn’t really matter. 
“Surprised?” he asked.
Lia blinked once. Then twice. Then a couple of more times. 
“I…”
Dizzy, she shook her head and closed her mouth, swallowing the awkwardness down and darting her tongue between her lips. 
“I mean…” She pulled each side of her cardigan with one hand and crossed her arms on top of her belly, covering the old white loose tank top she had at some point of her life turned into pajamas. “Yes? Y—yes! Of course! What are you doing here?”
Harry shrugged. “I brought you a mojito.”
Lia glanced at Harry’s hand, then at his face, then back at his hand. The glass looked minuscule while wrapped inside his long fingers, but it was there. It was actually there.
“But I don’t… I didn’t …”
She furrowed her brows, and slowly dragged her attention back to his eyes.
What the hell was happening?!
“I know.”
“I don’t get it.”
“I brought you a mojito.”
“Why?”
Harry shrugged.
“Because I wanted to cheer you up.”
“But why?”
Amusement crossed Harry’s face. He tilted his head to the side, and his lips twitched into a smile. 
“Sorry,” Lia said. “I just…”
She glanced at the glass in his hand. Green leaves, ice cubes and lime wedges. Her stomach fluttered, and she tightened the grip around her own body. 
It truly was a mojito. A mojito. 
Out of all the things he could’ve surprised her with, that’s what he had chosen?
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in, then slowly released the air out of her body. It was embarrassing to have to do that in front of him, but it was the only way she knew to be effective and get rid of the tension off her shoulders. It was what she did all the time — breathe, sigh, breathe again. Calm down her desperate heart. 
“Sorry.” She blinked, then focused back on his green stare. “I just honestly don’t know how to react… I mean… I wasn’t expecting this. At all.”
His face softened, and he shrugged one shoulder. 
“No need to react,” Harry said, putting his free hand inside of his pocket and stretching his other arm towards her. “Just take it inside with you. Drink it. Give it to your plants. Flush it away. Whatever you want. I’ll never know.”
Lia chuckled. 
She unclasped her arms calmly, lifting one of them to wrap her fingers around the glass. They inevitably brushed Harry’s skin, and her breath sped up, matching her already racing heart. 
“Thank you,” she said, holding his stare as she pulled the drink closer to her body. “Of course I’ll drink it.”
He smiled into her eyes, and Lia glanced down to the mojito. 
“Did you make it?”
At that, Harry scoffed. “‘Course I did. Why? Should’ve I asked Rohan?”
Lia furrowed her brows.
“What? No.” She shook her head. “That’s not… He never gets it how I like it.”
There was a pause, then a soft chuckle left Harry’s mouth. 
“Oh my God.” Lia widened her eyes, then raised her chin to stare back at him. Harry was laughing silently at the floor. “Please don’t tell him I said that.”
“I won’t.”
“I mean, it’s not that I don’t think he’s good… Shit. Not him… The mojitos… I mean… His mojitos are good… It’s just… He’s not… I don’t… He’s—"
“Hey.” Harry placed his hand on her shoulder, and Lia pressed her lips together. He wasn’t laughing anymore, and his eyes soothed her. “I won’t say a word, I promise.”
Lia sighed.
“Thanks.”
Harry let her go, shoving his now-mojito-free hand inside of his other pocket and curling his lips up.
“Hope you’ll like mine, tho.”
“I… I will. Yeah.”
I always do, she wished she could add. 
Making sure the words wouldn’t slip out of her mouth, she lifted the glass up to her lips and took a timid sip out of it. 
Almost immediately, heat radiated down her throat and through her chest. So she closed her eyes and took a second and longer sip, focusing on properly tasting it this time. 
The flavors were all easy to recognize—the mint, the lime, the club soda, and the rum. When she swallowed, she pressed her lips together in a smile, unintentionally humming at the sweetness and freshness. 
It was… Delicious. The perfect balance between all ingredients, including the amount of sugar and ice. 
Harry cleared his throat, and Lia batted her lashes to focus her sight on him once again.
He watched her with a grin on his face, and her heart skipped a beat.
“Good?”
“Yeah,” Lia whispered. “Really good. Delicious, actually.”
Harry grinned even wider, and Lia found herself smiling, too. 
“Thank you,” she said.
“Of course. Maybe next time you can get some mojitos instead of pizza. I’m sure they’ll enjoy keeping you company.” 
Butterflies batted their wings in her belly, and a rush of adrenaline bolted through her veins. 
“T—they?”
Harry shrugged. “Yeah… Y’know… The mojitos… Me…” 
Lia shuffled on her feet, wiggling her toes inside her purple socks. 
“I was going to tell you that earlier, by the way,” he added, saving her from the embarrassment of letting him know she had no idea how to answer that. “But things got crazy at the bar and I had to put my phone down so… Sorry.” 
“That’s—That’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” She cleared her throat, then tightened the grip of her fingers around the glass. “Do you… Uh… Do you have to go? Or… Maybe… I don’t know… I mean… Would you… Would you like to come in?”
Harry tilted his head and, just like earlier, his eyes twinkled with something. Something different, though. Playfulness, maybe? Or amusement? 
Mischief, perhaps? 
Lia wasn’t sure, but whatever it was, it didn’t make her uncomfortable, nor embarrassed. 
“Would love to, really. But I gotta go back to work… I’m sure my break ended a while ago.”
“Oh… Y—yeah, right. Of course. Sorry.”
Harry chuckled. “Don’t be. I’d rather stay here with you, to be honest.”
Feeling herself about to smile again, Lia looked down at the drink in her hand and bit her lip. 
“Uh… And what… What time do you finish work, then?”
“Tonight?”
“Mhm.”
Harry took a tiny step forward, and Lia held her breath. 
“Well… We close the bar at two.”
“Right.”
The last t left her mouth and echoed in the hallway, and Lia watched Harry’s feet get closer and closer as he walked forward, stopping only when he was right in front of her. 
He took a hand out of his pocket and lifted his arm, then placed his fingers under her chin and forced her to look up at him again. 
The butterflies seemed to abandon her belly and fly all over her body, because every inch and every corner inside her tingled and fluttered. 
Harry wasn’t smiling anymore. The playfulness on his face had been replaced by determination, but his eyes were still soft and gentle when staring inside hers. 
“Any chance you’ll still be awake by then?”
“M—maybe? I mean, I could be.”
“You could, huh?”
Lia shrugged, then nodded.
The smirk grew easily on his lips. 
“You sure? It’s gonna be late… I don’t wanna bother you.”
Lia’s heart pounded inside her chest. So loudly she was afraid even Harry could hear it. 
Truthfully speaking, there was absolutely no way Lia would ever stay awake so late just to meet someone. 
However this wasn’t just someone, was it? It was Harry. 
Harry.
The guy she had been secretly dreaming about for almost a year now. 
Would she be able to forgive herself if she didn’t try?
Of course she wouldn’t. 
So Lia silently and slightly nodded again. 
“Hmm…” He brushed his thumb up and down her jaw. “In that case… How do you feel about watching a movie?”
Lia licked her lips, and swallowed. “Here?”
“Mhmm.”
“After your shift?”
Harry nodded. 
“I—Yeah. Okay. I’d like that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Will you stay awake for me, then?”
“Mhmm… I’ll… I’ll be awake.”
“Good.” He moved his thumb up and down again, then slid his hand to her neck and held her for a moment before he dropped his arm back to his side. “See you in a couple hours, then.”
— — — — — 
At 2:17am, Lia buzzed Harry in. 
She waited for him in the hallway, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed under her chest. Her insides blazed with anticipation, and the sweating of her hands was getting hard to control—and even harder to hide. 
Everything was silent. Quiet. Empty. The perfect scenario for her to get lost inside her mind and start doubting every decision she’d ever made leading to that exact moment in time. 
Shit.
Lia looked down at her feet and tapped her heel on the floor. 
She couldn’t start spiraling. Not right then. Not when she was about to see the guy she had fantasized about for so long. Not when she was about to watch a movie with the guy she had crushed on for so long. Not when she was finally getting attention from the guy she had silently dreamed about for so long. 
She couldn’t. She really couldn’t.
And yet… 
She should’ve put on something more flattering to see him... Shouldn’t she? 
She didn’t want him to notice she had showered, shaved, and changed her underwear just to see him, so she had put on the same outfit he’d had seen earlier—the same gray loose pants and basic white tank top, and even the same beige cardigan and purple socks. Which was also the same outfit she had slept on the night before, and that she was planning to wear to bed again that night.
Shit.
What was wrong with her?
Why couldn’t she have tried a little bit harder?
Desperation sparked and unrolled inside her, but then the sound of Harry’s feet reached her ears, loud and clear — walking up the stairs, a floor or two below. And that was enough to absorb all of her attention. To make her forget all about everything and look up. 
Look up and just wait for him. 
Wait to see him.
Those minutes  it took for him to get to her floor were the worst. And the longest. Harry took his time, climbing step by step. And the anticipation inside Lia’s body seemed to increase a hundred times. 
By the time she finally saw him, her heart was racing, and her belly quivering. 
Harry looked handsome. Like earlier, and like he always did. 
He was wearing all black, though, something she hadn’t noticed earlier, when he’d brought her the mojito. Wasn’t he wearing her favorite t-shirt when they’d met outside? 
His curls were messier than before, too. His cheeks were flushed, and there was a glimmer of sweat peeking from the back of his neck. 
He seemed tired, and it made sense that he was.
Guilt flared all over her. 
Friday nights at the bar were busy. Anyone could imagine that. And Lia not only could have figured that all by herself, but she had also seen it happening right in front of her eyes at least once or twice. 
What kind of person made plans at 2am on a Friday? 
Or, well, technically, on a Saturday… But still… 
Was that even normal? 
Was it a thing? 
Was she out of her mind?
Harry looked up before reaching the last flight of steps. 
As soon as he met her eyes, he curled his lips slightly up.
“Hii,” he murmured. 
Lia bit her lip. 
Despite everything, there he was. Casually walking under the yellow lights of her hallway, as if that was exactly where he was supposed to be. Stopping by her door with certainty, as if he had been on the exact same spot hundreds of times before. And looking at her with softness and tranquility, as if she was the only cure for his exhaustion.
Lia liked that. She didn’t know what was happening or why, but she liked that. 
She liked that a lot. 
“Hi,” she murmured back, offering him a soft smile. “Come on in.” 
She gestured behind her, determined to offer her couch if only for him to sleep for as long as he needed to.
“Thanks.”
Harry walked past her with a polite smile on his face, stopping by the door to take his shoes off and then moving towards the couch. 
Meanwhile, Lia shut the door, turned the key around, and locked them inside.
And then… 
Her heart skipped a beat, and her stomach twirled. 
It was just the two of them. 
Lia and Harry. Harry and Lia. And no one else.
She hugged herself with her cardigan and breathed in, then out. When she turned around, it was just in time to see Harry drop his weight on the middle of her couch. 
Thankfully, he didn’t need an invitation to make himself at home. He put the fluffy blanket next to him and scooched backwards, squaring his shoulders against the dark pillows and spreading his legs slightly open.  Next, he sighed, dropped his neck, and rested the back of his head on the edge of the couch. 
And then, he tilted his chin to the side, and finally faced her. 
His strong eye contact captured her, and a shiver ran over her skin. 
Harry curled his mouth into another smile.
“So, did you enjoy your mojito?”
Tightening her arms under her chest, Lia looked at her feet and nodded. 
“Y—yeah… I… It was really good. Thank you.”
“‘Course. Any—” A yawn got in the way of his answer, and Lia darted her eyes up. 
Harry faced the ceiling now. His eyes were shut and his mouth was wide open. His chest went up, up, up. And then he exhaled, loudly, and his chest went back down at the same time he slowly closed his mouth. 
Lia pressed her lips together and covered half of her face with one hand, stifling her own yawn. 
“Shit.” He chuckled, shaking his head briefly then looking back at her. “Sorry. Long night at the bar.”
She shook her head and dropped her hand on top of her other arm.
“‘S fine. Don’t apologize. I shouldn’t have…”
“What?”
“I don’t know. I’m feeling kinda guilty, to be honest.” 
“Guilty? Why?”
Lia shrugged. 
“For making you come here after work? I mean…” She looked at the TV on the wall across from him, and then at her feet. “It’s so late… I get it if you’re tired. I should’ve thought about that."
There was a pause. 
A beat. 
Maybe two. 
Or maybe three. 
Or maybe none.
It didn’t matter. The silent air wasn’t heavy around them.
Eventually, she gathered enough courage to lift her head and look at him again. It wasn’t necessarily a surprise to find Harry already staring, but it still made her chest tighten. 
So she bit her lip. 
And Harry blinked. Several times. 
Then, he cleared his throat.
“You know I wanted to come here, right?” he asked. “I thought I was being obvious, but I don’t mind saying it. Like, I was the one who suggested this, so if anything I’m the one who feels like a dickhead for making you stay up so late.”
An amused—yet small—smile grew on Lia’s face. 
“I didn’t mind.” She shrugged. “I wanted to wait.”
Harry smiled, too. 
“And I wanted to see you. So that’s settled.”
Warmth filled Lia’s chest, and her body tingled. Unable to hold herself from stupidly smiling, she pursed her lips tightly, then bit the insides of her bottom lip. The feeling took over her brain, though, and without any warning, happiness erupted out of her mouth in the form of soft and genuine giggles. 
“Sorry,” she said, taking a hand up to her face and covering her lips. 
Harry sighed. 
“C’mon now,” he said, patting the cushion next to him. “You’re too far away.”
It was hard to contain the butterflies and nerves, but she still found a way to move her legs and shortened the distance between them. She uncrossed her arms to put her hair behind her ears, looking at the floor and being careful to not step on his feet or trip on his ankles as she made her way past his knees. 
His head followed her movements along with his eyes, turning from one side to the other. 
When she sat next to him and lifted her chin, she glanced directly at his eyes.
Harry was already beaming at her.
“Hi,” he murmured.
Excitement fluttered deep in the pit of her stomach, and Lia smiled. 
“Hi,” she murmured back. “I love mojitos.”
Harry chuckled, moving his head and closing his eyes to the ceiling. 
Damnit. 
Turning slightly to see him better, Lia observed him with adoration. It felt impossible not to. He was captivating. There was something truthfully genuine about him. A simplicity surrounding his eyes, wrinkling his skin in a boyish way. Even tired, and even after a long shift, a glowing energy surrounded him. And it was mesmerizing. 
He was mesmerizing. 
“You do, yeah,” he said, still smiling, and tilting his head to face her again. “I’ve noticed.”
“Really?”
“Mhmm.”
“I… That’s…”
Lia blinked. Actually, she didn’t know what to say, so she furrowed her brows and shut her mouth. 
What did he mean by that? 
Had he noticed how much she loved mojitos in general, or how much she loved his mojitos?
And what else he had noticed about her?
Had he noticed how deeply into him she was?
How much she stared at him?
How much she daydreamed about him?
“I should’ve asked you on a proper date, y’know?” Harry said. A playful smile grew on his face, and his tone came out teasingly. “Take you out somewhere nice… On normal hours… After at least taking a shower…”
He sounded calm, as if that was the most natural thing he could say to her. 
Lia’s chest, on the other hand, kept moving up and down quickly, as if her heart and lungs had completely forgotten how they were supposed to function to keep her alive. 
“A—a… A d—date?” she barely managed to ask.
“Well, yeah.” Harry dragged his eyes off hers, only to watch himself raise his arm and reach for a lock of her hair. “A date feels more… I don’t know… Gentleman…ly?”
He chuckled — tiredly, but honestly. 
“Is that even a word?” he asked, twirling her hair around his finger. “Anyway…”
He stopped moving, yet didn’t pull his hand away. Meeting her gaze again, uncertainty flashed through his eyes, but soon was covered with the comfort of his smile. “I should have, but… I guess I just didn’t want to wait. So this late night thing just kinda happened, y’know?” 
Lia swallowed. 
“Y—yeah… I know.” 
He placed his hand on her neck, resting four fingers on the side of her throat while his thumb stroked up and down her jaw and cheek. 
“You have a beautiful smile, by the way,” Harry suddenly pointed out.  
“W—what?”
“I wanted to tell you earlier, but…” He shrugged. “You hide everytime you smile or laugh, and it’s just... I don’t know. It’s beautiful to see you smiling. That’s all.”
Lia’s neck burned, blood rushed through her cheeks, and the cardigan she was wearing turned out to be too much for her now boiling body. Thoughts swirled so quickly that it was hard to catch them. Her mind raced, and it yelled. It yelled so loudly that it became silent, and everything went blank—as if her brain had finally given up on her.
“Sorry,” Harry said, dropping his hand and shaking his head. He shifted on the couch, then. Straightening his back, he turned sideways and fully faced her, then folded the leg that was closest to her body up on the couch and squeezed his ankle underneath his other knee. “Bet you didn’t think I could get this soppy, huh?” 
Harry joked and chuckled.  
Lia blinked a couple of times. He was trying to lighten up the conversation, she could tell, but there was no way she would just laugh. She didn’t want to. 
So she shifted on the couch and mimicked his previous movements, turning around to fully face him and folding her closest leg to him under the other. 
And that was all it needed for their legs to touch. 
“Thank you.”
A slow smile grew on Harry’s face, causing Lia’s mouth to curl up as well. 
He raised his arm and placed it on top and along the backrest, invading not only all of her senses, but also her physical space. 
Lia looked down and between them, watching the way their thighs were pressed against each other. Watching the way so many of her dreams were slightly coming true. 
That is, until Harry spoke again. 
“Let’s talk about Rohan,” he said, and Lia jolted her head up.
She scrunched her face up in confusion, opening and closing her mouth a couple of times before she was able to slowly breathe out one single word: “What?”
“Rohan, from the bar.”
“From the—” Lia shook her head, and the tone of her voice suddenly catched up with her emotions. “Of course I know who Rohan is! But what—You—Why would we even talk about him?!”
Harry shrugged, a playful and amused smirk crossing his face. “Because you two seem close… Have fun together…”
Lia gasped, her mouth falling open as one incredulous and single laugh bursted out from her chest.
“We barely— We just talk!”
Harry nodded. “I know.”
“So?” Lia scoffed discreetly, the sound getting caught on her throat. “That’s hardly having fun.”
“Hmm… Well, I don’t know. I just thought something would’ve happened between you two by now. That’s all.”
Lia flinched her chin back, eyebrows raising while she batted her eyelashes in disbelief. 
“That’s—Again, what?!”
Harry shrugged, his expression getting serious as he looked away from her. 
“He’s clearly into you,” he said. “You know that, c’mon. Thought you fancied him, too. That’s all.” Another shrug, and then, “Don’t you?”
“Oh my…” Lia whispered.
She furrowed her brows and dropped her chin down, once again looking at their thighs. 
“I can’t believe this. Why… Why would you think that? That’s so… I mean, where did you get that stupid idea from? And why would you even bring it up right now?”
Her shoulders fell. And her body relaxed.
Damn. It felt so good to just say whatever was going through her head. At least for once.
“So… You don’t?” 
Lia breathed in, and raised her chin. 
Harry was looking at her again, but he kept narrowing his eyes, as if he was ready to call her out for lying. 
He wasn’t teasing her. 
Harry was actually doubting it. 
He was actually after an answer. 
Lia blinked. Multiple times. And then more laughter bursted out from deep inside her. 
“Oh my God, Harry! No! Of course not!”
“You say it like it’s supposed to be obvious!”
Harry laughed, too—although from the way his voice wavered, it seemed more like nervous laughter. Or maybe a questioning one. Or a suspicious one. 
Either way, it wasn’t actually joyful. It didn’t feel like it, at least. 
So Lia pressed her lips together, then took another deep breath in. 
Honestly, where was he coming from? 
Had she ever done anything that could lead him to believe that? Because she was convinced she hadn’t. In fact, all along she had been afraid Harry would find out how attracted to him she was. Not to Rohan.
“Well… Yeah.” Lia shrugged. “I don’t know, but to me it is pretty obvious… I mean… Why would I even be here if I fancied him?”
“Huh.” Harry raised his eyebrows. 
He blinked once, and then squinted, focusing on her eyes as though he was trying to find the secret answer for an unasked question written deep inside them.
That whole interaction was too weird. And not at all what Lia was expecting for that night—or any other night, for that matter.  
“I just…” she said, then paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. Pressing her lips together, she batted her eyelashes and looked towards the back of the couch, targeting the wall. She sighed, and tried again. "I don’t… I don’t get why you thought I… That I wanted… But you didn’t notice that I—Y’know… That I… Ugh!" 
Shaking her head, Lia took her hand to rub her forehead and chuckled. No matter how much she wanted to tell him, she couldn’t do it. She really couldn’t. 
They were having such a great night…
What if she ruined everything? 
What if she told him how much she fancied him and he decided to leave? 
What if she decided to be open and honest about her feelings for him, and he turned her down? 
She wouldn’t be able to talk to him again. She wouldn’t be able to look at him again. And she would never be able to get over the humiliation. 
So she couldn’t risk it. She just couldn’t. 
“Hey,” Harry said, placing his hand on top of hers. 
Immediately, Lia loosened up. She relaxed the grip of her fingers, dropped her shoulders, and looked down at her lap. 
And then, she frowned. 
Apparently, she’d been gripping at her own hands, tightly squeezing them while completely unaware of it. Her muscles were sore, and there were small prints on the places where the tips of her fingers had sunk on her own skin. 
“Lia…” Harry sneaked his fingertips underneath her palm, breaking her hands apart. “What’s going on? What were you going to say?”
“Uh… No—nothing.” Staring at their now connected hands, Lia shook her head. “Nothing, yeah. Forget about it.”
“Oh, c’mon!” His voice was cheerful, almost playful. “Say it… Please?”
“I wasn’t going to say anything. Really.”
He kept his thumb on the back of her hand, gently and slowly caressing her skin. 
And Lia focused on that. She watched the way he moved up and down. She absorbed how soft yet rought the brush of his finger felt. She appreciated how warm, large, and strong his hold felt. 
“Lia…” 
Harry tugged her hand, pulling it off from her lap and holding it against his chest. 
The movement caused Lia to lean forward, and she looked at him. 
Harry’s intense green eyes were truly, really hypnotizing. 
She licked her lips, then softened her voice. “Just… Let it go… Please?”
Harry flickered his eyes between hers, and he studied her in silence for a moment. 
Instead of making her uncomfortable, though, it gave her enough time to focus some more on physical things. Like how he kept holding her hand firmly inside his. Secure. Fully enveloping it while clutching her palm against the middle of his chest. 
Lia was almost sure she could feel his heart beating against his ribcage, and the fabric of his t-shirt was right under her skin. 
Without dragging her eyes away from his, she moved her own thumb up and down, too. It was a subtle and cautious movement, but enough to brush and feel the texture under the pad of her finger. 
Harry curved one side of his mouth up, and gave her palm a little squeeze. 
“Fine. I’ll forget about it.”
He lifted his free hand to his hair and pushed the short curls out of the way, then dropped his arm next to Lia’s shoulder. 
After a moment of patient and quiet staring, he added, “You’re not awkward, you know? Or boring. And it’s not true that people don’t want to be friends with you.” 
Lia pressed her lips together, straightened her back, and shifted backwards. 
Right… 
They were back to that, then. 
It was nice of him to say that, sure it was, but she didn’t agree with his words. In fact, she couldn’t even believe he truly meant them. Not when, up until then, he had never cared about getting to know her. 
On the other hand, she also wasn’t expecting him to throw her own words back at her, especially because weeks had already gone by since that embarrassing night.
Her chest tightened, and she took a deep breath in. 
God. She really didn’t want to think about that night, but there was a weight in her stomach, a heaviness she didn’t know how to get rid off, so she still found the strength to open up her mouth and say, “You never wanted to, tho, did you?”
Harry widened his eyes, and Lia looked down. 
She focused on their still touching hands, then brushed off the weight of her words with a shrug. “I mean, it’s fine. I’m just saying.”
A couple of seconds passed without any answer, so Lia peeked at him through the corner of her eyes.
Harry was staring at where his other hand was, near her shoulder — with narrowed eyes, pursed lips and furrowed brows. He seemed lost inside his thoughts, and Lia rolled her lips into her mouth.
She hadn’t been wrong for pointing that out, right? It wasn’t like she wanted to, but more like she had to. More like she needed to. Because it was the truth, and it was what he had made her feel and believe all along, wasn’t it?
The fact that he had apologized to her didn’t erase the fact that he had made her snap in the first place. Right?
Or was she supposed to completely forget about that? 
Harry sighed, and Lia blinked. She relaxed her jaw, darting her tongue through her lips as she focused on him again.
“That’s…” He paused, eyeing his thumb as he grazed it over her shoulder, on top of her cardigan. “It wasn’t like that. I’m just… I’m not good with people. That’s all.”
.
..
… 
What? 
Lia was glad he wasn’t looking at her face, because she couldn’t help but frown. 
“Yes, you are,” she said, wandering her eyes around his distressed expression. “I’ve seen you with Rohan, and you’re good with him. You joke a lot, and you laugh, you offer your help when he needs it… And with Sage, I mean… I’ve only seen you around her a couple of times, but… You seemed to get along with her really quickly, so…”
The corner of Harry’s mouth turned up very slightly, only enough for her to notice it. Just like she noticed the way the muscles of his face relaxed, making all wrinkles disappear. 
He tilted his head, and met her gaze. 
Narrowing his eyes, he asked in a low and amused murmur, “How do you know that, huh? Have you been watching me?”
Shit.
“I… I mean…” Shit. Shit. Shit. “I think I…” Well, there was no point in denying it anymore, was there? “I have, yes. Yeah.”
Harry dropped their hands on his lap, then moved his thumb up and down, stroking the back of her hand. 
“You have, huh?”
Lia shrugged. “Yeah…”
“Hmm… I never noticed.”
With another shrug, Lia looked away. 
She wouldn’t answer that.
She already knew he’d never paid any attention to her, so of course he wouldn’t have noticed the way she watched him. The way she daydreamed about him. 
There was no need to point that out, though.
“Still,” Harry added, “Rohan is probably just an exception.”
“Right… And Sage?”
“Just another exception.”
Lia snorted. And chuckled.
Shaking her head, she closed her eyes for a moment. 
She needed to organize her thoughts and memories, because she knew that wasn’t the truth. She’d watched him for long enough to know that he was a joyful and caring person, but she didn’t know if that was something she should let him know, or not.
When she opened her eyes again, she met his calm and gentle stare. She bit her lip and leaned her side against the pillows, resting her shoulder under his stretched arm.
Harry kept moving his thumb gently on the back of her hand. Simply watching her. 
He didn’t seem bothered by the time it took her to answer, nor seemed to be about to rush her. 
It was different from what she was used to. Coming from him, sure, but in general, too. And it caused the words to simply roll out of her mouth. 
“I just… I’ve seen you around people, and… I don’t know…I used to see you with that girl… Well, that woman, y’know? And you always seemed so gentle to her… I mean, a gentleman, really, and I—”
Harry shifted, suddenly and abruptly. He withdrew his arm from the couch and looked away from her, then rubbed his finger under his nose. 
Lia pressed her lips together, stopping herself from talking even further. 
She’d said something wrong, hadn’t she?
She totally had. 
Of course she had. 
She looked down at her lap, biting the inside of her bottom lip. 
Harry was still holding her, but he had stopped brushing his thumb on the back of her hand. 
And she didn’t want him to stop. She really didn’t. 
“I’m… I’m sorry. I—” Shit. “I shouldn’t have said that… That was just… I didn’t— I mean—”
Shit. 
What was she supposed to say now?
She had gone too far. 
She knew that.
She knew she had entered a touchy subject.
Of course she had.
Honestly… What was wrong with her? Why would she even bring that woman up? Why would she bring someone Harry used to date up into their conversation? Why would she—Oh shit. What if… Wait, were they still together? Were they still a couple? The idea hadn’t crossed her mind… She hadn’t seen her at the bar anymore, so she’d just assumed and— Shit. 
She looked up at him. 
“Are you… You and that woman… Do you still… Are you two…” 
“I’m single, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Oh. Okay. So… Is it over? Between you two?”
Harry nodded. 
“It’s over, yeah. Look, I don’t… We haven’t seen each other for a couple of months now and… Yeah, it’s over. I’m not going back to that.”
Lia sighed through her nose. Emptying her lungs all at once. 
At least, when he spoke, he kept his eyes on her. And Lia knew he was being honest, she recognized the struggle to let something out of your mind. 
She didn’t mean to pry, though. All she needed to know was if Harry was cheating on someone or not. And if he wasn’t, then that was enough for her. It’s not like she was planning on telling him about her own ex-boyfriend, or the few horrible one night stands she had before moving to that building. She wasn’t ready to share that much, so… Yeah, Lia understood him.
“It’s fine.” She curled her mouth up, wanting to go back to playful smiles and soft touches. “We don’t have to talk about it. Honestly. I just wanted to know if you were… You know, cheating or something.”
As soon as the last words left her mouth, Lia saw Harry flinch. His eyes darted to their laps and his shoulders tensed, and it was very obvious that she had hit a nerve there. Another nerve. 
It didn’t seem like something that made him angry, though. He didn’t look like someone who was about to yell or get into a fight. He looked… Sad? Ashamed? He looked like someone who really needed a hug. And that made Lia’s heart drop.
Had Harry’s heart been broken, just like hers?
Even worse, had Harry’s trust been broken, just like hers?
“I’m really sorry, Harry. I just… I meant… God. I keep messing it up, but… I swear in the end all I wanted to say is that I’ve seen you around other people, and that I always thought you seemed to be really nice… And like… A fun person to be around, y’know? Like, you seemed really sweet, and… I don’t know. Sorry. I’m really sorry.”
Harry took his free hand to cover his mouth and cough, clearing his throat. 
“Don’t worry about it. She’s just… She’s a complicated story and I wasn’t expecting this to come up so… Bad reaction on my side. Sorry.”
Lia sighed.
“I should’ve just… All I meant is that you seem good with people. That’s all.”
“Yeah, well…” Harry shrugged. “I don’t know about that. It takes a lot of effort, I think.”
His voice sounded lower and deeper, and Lia recognized the vulnerability in it. It felt as if he was confessing something to her, as if he was sharing a hidden part of him with her. 
Lia also recognized the struggle he had just described, and how real the statement was — interacting with people truly took a lot of effort for her, too. To the point where most of the time she chose to not interact at all. 
“Yeah,” she said, so soft it felt almost like a whisper, “I know what you mean.”
Harry peeked at her from the corner of his eyes, pulling his lips into a thankful smile, then looked away again. He didn’t say anything else. He didn’t place his arm by her shoulder anymore, and he also didn’t brush his thumb against her knuckles anymore. He just seemed lost inside his mind. 
It was easy to tell, because Lia also recognized what that looked like. What that felt like.
Apparently, the table had turned between them, and she felt the urge to make him feel better—just like he had made her feel better earlier that day.
Did Harry feel as lonely as she felt?
Gulping down, Lia looked at their still connected hands. His entire body language had changed, but he hadn’t let go of her, he hadn’t stopped touching her. 
Her lips turned up into a smile, and she bit her lip. 
Tightening her hand around his, she squeezed his fingers. She watched as she moved her own thumb up and down on the back of his hand — brushing slowly, from his wrist and up to his knuckle. 
Silence engulfed them comfortably, all while she steadily moved her thumb up and down. 
Up and down. 
Up and down.
Up… And down…
Up… 
And down…
His skin was warm and smooth under her fingertip. And the idea of pressing a kiss to his cross tattoo kept flying through her mind.
So she took a deep breath, then blinked a couple of times — because no matter how tempting it was, there was absolutely no way she was ever going to take the risk. 
“I knew your name from the first day, y’know?” Harry said.
Lia drew her eyebrows together, and lifted her head to look at him. 
“What?”
Harry shrugged, then curled the corner of his mouth up. “That day… When you said I never cared to know your name? That wasn’t true. I just never asked because I didn’t need to… I asked Rohan to ask you.”
Lia dropped her mouth open and widened her eyes. 
When she spoke, though, her voice was barely a shocked whisper, “No you didn’t.”
Harry chuckled, shaking his head and looking away for a moment. His smile was big to the point of showing off his teeth, and his eyes were practically fully closed, creating wrinkles around them. 
His reaction was so genuine… 
And apparently contagious, too, because before Lia could prevent it, her lips had already turned up into a foolish, big, and stupid grin as well. 
“I did, yeah. However…” He looked back at her. “I gotta be honest with you… That wouldn’t have happened if I’d known you two would end up fancying each other.”
“Oh my God!” Lia dropped her head back with a groan. Again? Really?! “Harry… C’mon…”
“What?” He laughed. 
Lia looked down and back at him, trying her best to hide the annoyance out of her face — although she could feel it in her body as she breathed out and loudly through her nose. 
“We don’t fancy each other.”
“Mhm. You sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” 
“Aren’t you his favorite customer, tho?” 
She rolled her eyes. 
“I don’t know, but he definitely isn’t my favo—”
Shit. 
Harry tilted his head, then lifted his lips up in a smirk. 
“He isn’t what? Your favorite?”
Lia snorted, then tried to pull her hand away from his.
Harry didn’t let her, though.
“Who’s your favorite, then?”
“This is… This is just… It’s just ridiculous, y’know?”  
Harry hummed. 
“Maybe. I don’t know. For what’s worth, I still think he fancies you, but…”
With a dramatic pause, he leaned forward, as if he was about to make the most important point of the night, or as if he was about to share the deepest secret of their lives.
Lia swallowed. 
He was so close. He hadn’t shaved in a while, because his stubble had gotten longer around his mouth and along his cheeks. It looked messy, almost kind of dirty, but also extremely sexy on him.
And his lips… 
Oh God… Harry’s lips were so… Attractive. They looked soft, smooth, and gentle. They weren’t the biggest or plumpest she’d ever seen, but she had certainly never wanted to kiss someone’s lips so badly like she wanted to kiss his. 
“I’m happy to know you don’t fancy him,” Harry said, his voice a tone or two lower than before.
And the way they moved… 
“You are?” she murmured.
“Mhmm…”
What would it feel like to kiss him?
What would it feel like to taste his lips?
Because she wanted to.
So bad… 
She wanted to taste his lips. 
She wanted to touch his face. 
She wanted to feel his scruff under her skin. 
What if she did? 
What if she extended her arm and brushed her fingers against his cheek? Over his facial hair? 
Would it be soft? 
Would it be scratchy?
“Hey there,” Harry said, grabbing her chin between his thumb and forefinger. His touch was both rough and delicate, holding her into place and drawing her attention back to his eyes while still being careful not to hurt her. “You seem distracted.”
Her skin tingled, and her heart hammered in her chest. 
Shit.
The smirk on his face and the tone of his voice were enough to let her know he’d seen her staring at his lips. 
And Lia didn’t—Shit. 
She was supposed to say something.
She knew she was supposed to say something. 
But every fiber of her body quivered with nervousness, and all words got stuck in her throat. 
And the way he kept looking at her… 
Fuck. 
Looking at her with those patient and soft green eyes… 
As if he had all the time in the world to stare at her… 
Or as if he had all the time in the world to wait for a proper reaction…
Shit. 
Lia’s brain was frozen. 
She had been physically attracted to him for such a long time, always watching from far away and never able to see him up close. To really see him… 
And he was being so nice to her… 
So, so nice… 
Beyond what she could’ve ever imagined he would be… 
She didn’t want to misinterpret his intentions, though… Or get her hopes up… 
She didn’t want to overstep… 
And yet… 
How could she even misinterpret his intentions, when he was right there, acting like that? 
Looking at her like that? 
Oh God. 
Lia’s breath quickened, just like her heartbeat. 
She wanted him. So much. She truly wanted him. 
Her chest tightened so hard that it was almost painful, like she needed to release the tension somehow or she would explode. She could feel it bobbing up and down in double quick time, just like she could feel her pulse throbbing not only against her ribcage, but also inside her throat and her stomach. And all over her legs. And right into her… Fuck. 
She clenched the muscles of her thighs, and swiftly shifted on the couch. 
“Lia…”
She needed a distraction. 
She needed to divert her mind from how much she wanted him. And she needed to pay attention to something that wasn’t his intense eyes burning into hers. 
She needed to say something. 
“Lia, hey…”
Anything. 
C’mon.
Just say something.
Lia… 
Say it.
Say it! 
“I always wanted to see your tattoos!” she blurted, although a little bit louder than she intended to. “Just…” She cleared her throat. “Y’know… Up close.”
There was a pause. A loud and meaningful pause, as a heartbeat coming back to life. 
She swallowed hard. 
And then Harry’s expression softened, and his mouth turned into a smile. 
A smile that genuinely lighted up his face. 
A smile so sincere and spontaneous that it slowly caused Lia to smile, too. 
So they both stared at each other, and smiled at each other. 
Widely, openly, and simply.
“Yeah?” he asked.
Well… That worked out just fine, didn’t it?
She nodded. 
“Mhmm…”
Harry went back to his previous position, letting her chin go and casually placing his elbow on the backrest of the couch. Then, without dropping the hold of her hand, he stretched his left arm and offered it to her. “You can look at them now, if you want.”
“Really?”
He brushed his thumb up and down the back of her hand and nodded.
“Of course. All yours.”
Lia nibbled her bottom lip and, without giving him any other answer, slid her gaze from his eyes to his lips, then directly to the sleek lines of his arm. 
Scanning the black ink covering most of the skin, she didn’t waste any more time before taking her free hand to his left wrist. As soon as she touched him, her fingertips tickled. She slid her tongue between her lips and outlined his anchor tattoo with delicacy, dancing with the tip of her index on top of his tender and smooth skin. 
Next, she moved on to some very tiny tattoos, brushing each one while she tried to make sense of them. There didn’t seem to be a connection between the different drawings or words, but they somehow still fit together. 
Reaching the side of his forearm, she traced a mermaid, then leaned forward when she couldn’t see the entire silhouette. 
With a deep breath, she moved her soft touch upwards, reaching his rose tattoo. 
That one seemed older, as if the ink had faded already. 
She could still see it perfectly, though. 
Drawing her index finger over the stem, she traced it from the bottom and up to the petals, then back half-way down to follow the path to the two leaves.
She took her time with that one, tracing it so carefully and so attentively that it felt bigger than it looked. 
She was enjoying the moment. Too much, to be honest. It felt intimate… Better than she could’ve ever imagined. 
Her fingertips went from tingling to burning, and when she noticed that their deep and slow breaths were the only sound echoing inside her living room, her stomach bubbled. 
Light-headed, it took her a while to finish. She wanted to give equal attention to each one of the petals, but she also didn’t want to ever stop touching him. She wanted to get even closer, and she wanted to get to know him even more. 
Would other parts of him feel the same? 
Would he ever let her explore his entire body like that? With the same discretion and delicacy? 
Would he ever let her admire and adore every inch of him?
Would he ever let her know every part of his life?
Lia was almost getting to his elbow, finishing his rose, when Harry shivered under her touch. She paused her movements and looked up, meeting his determined and fervent stare. 
He was breathing steadily through his parted lips, and he seemed flushed. 
Lia’s heartbeat sped up again, and she bit back a smile — was he enjoying all of it as much as she was? 
Shit. 
She hoped he was. 
He was so pretty. 
And she wanted him. She really wanted him. 
She felt ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it. She just did — she wanted him. 
She really-fucking wanted him. 
She wanted to hug him tightly, she wanted to lay on his chest, and she wanted to tangle their legs together. She wanted to snuggle on his lap, press her nose under his jaw, and smell the curve of his neck. She wanted to visit every corner of his body, kiss every spot along the journey, and taste every flavor of his soul. 
And it was scary, because she couldn’t remember ever wanting someone that much. 
She couldn’t remember a time in her life when her entire body had ached to touch someone. To kiss someone. 
She had never felt that desire burning up through her veins, tingling down her toes, blazing up her fingers. 
She had never experienced an overpowering feeling like that. 
To want someone like that. To need someone like that. To desire someone like that.
Like she wanted him. Like she needed him. Like she desired him.
So bad.
So, so bad.
Shit… 
She bit her lip. 
What was she supposed to do with all those feelings?
She grazed her fingers over the hem of his sleeve, then kept her hand on his arm, wrapping it around where the fabric ended and his bare skin began.
“Where…” Lia murmured, almost out of breath. “Where do they end?”
Harry blinked, then cleared his throat. 
His voice was also barely a whisper when he answered, “My tattoos?”
“Mhm.”
“It’s hard to say.”
“Oh…” She glanced to where her hand was, then bit her lip. “Okay…”
She didn’t want to get her hopes too high up, but it seemed like Harry was just as affected as she was. The atmosphere and the interaction between them had turned into something different. Something exciting. She had no doubts about it. She knew she wasn’t the only one feeling something. She knew he would say yes to whatever she asked.
For the first time, she couldn’t even question it. She just knew it. 
Harry sighed. It was enough to get her attention back, but he still moved his free hand back to her chin, once again encouraging her to stare into his eyes. 
“You’re just so…”
“W—what?”
“Beautiful.”
Lia’s stomach swirled. 
Tightening the grip on her chin and slightly pinching her skin, Harry used the tip of his thumb to touch her lips, caressing them with a stroke that went from one side to the other. He went back and forth a couple of times, then stopped precisely on top of her cupid’s bow. When he pressed his finger down, and into her closed mouth, time stopped around them. 
Lia watched him breathlessly through glossy eyes, whilst Harry immersed himself into his very own movements. 
He brushed his other four fingers towards her neck, invading the side of her throat. Then, he slid his thumb down, and pulled her bottom lip along with it. 
He stared at the way his fingertip glided through her warm, pink and damp flesh; getting wet from the ring of his finger to the tip of his nail.
Frozen, speechless, and out of breath, Lia lost herself in time, not even remembering what they’d been talking about or how they’d gotten themselves into that situation. Or how long they’d spent in that same position, sitting on her couch. 
As soon as his thumb reached her chin and he let go of her mouth, Harry batted his eyelashes, dragging the tip of his tongue in between his own lips and licking them. 
And then, still hypnotized in her mouth, he asked, “Can I kiss you?” 
Lia nodded, because it was all she trusted she could do.
And Harry sighed, dragging his hand to the back of her neck and pulling her forward. 
He leaned to meet her halfway, closing his eyes and pursing his lips before crushing their mouths together. His lips were cold and wet, and he didn’t move them against hers, just like she didn’t move hers against his. They simply remained forcefully pressed against each other, as if their mouths connecting was intense enough to freeze them both.
After a moment, Harry softened the grip on her and pulled away from her mouth. 
The sound of their lips disconnecting echoed in her apartment, vibrating into Lia’s chest and mind. Only then she took in what had just happened, and she gasped quietly, drawing a deep, audible breath in. 
Harry blinked.
“Lia, I’m—”
Cradling his cheeks, Lia leaned back in, closing her eyes and pressing her mouth against his once again. Their lips fit perfectly this time, molding around each other as she took his upper lip between hers and slightly sucked it into her mouth. Without rushing, she darted her tongue over his flesh and savored him, finally getting a taste of what she’d been craving for so long. 
Her belly fluttered as her body reacted to the minty, juicy, and warm sensation. Something she could only describe as delicious, addictive, and magnetic. 
With a gentle bite, she pulled away and blinked, letting his lip slide slowly through her teeth as she created some distance between them. When she looked at him, she found him frozen in place with closed eyes and parted lips, breathing out small puffs of air that made Lia ache for his mouth all over again. 
“What?” she whispered, brushing her thumbs over his cheeks. “What were you going to say?”
Harry fluttered his eyelashes open, but only for half a second, immediately shaking his head and going back in for a new kiss. He didn’t hold back, then, nor wasted any more time, sliding his palm down her spine and crossing both of his arms around her waist whilst dipping his tongue between her lips and searching for hers. 
And Lia gave in just as quickly and just as desperately, granting him free access as she met his tongue with her own and moved along with his body, putting both of her legs up and kneeling on the couch. 
There was a new sense of urgency between them. Their mouths moved in perfect sync, meeting over and over again for desperate kisses that erased all of her doubts and paused all of her thoughts.
His mouth was tender, and yet hungry for her. He explored her with the same curiosity, desire and need she explored him, tugging her closer whilst shifting to get closer as well. 
Her belly bubbled and swirled. Sweat dripped down her neck, and a wave of annoyance quivered through her. It was too good to be true, and yet it still wasn’t enough. She wanted more. She needed more. 
So she pulled away and broke the kiss, straightening up and moving her arms to take her damn-freaking-useless cardigan off. 
Everything happened so fast that she barely acknowledged Harry’s help, or the way he smiled at her reaction. All she noticed was how he dropped the item on the floor and didn’t miss a beat before launching himself onto her neck, spreading open-mouthed kisses while sneaking his hands under her tank-top and pressing his palms onto her back. 
Following his pace, Lia threaded her fingers through his hair and closed her eyes, relishing on his actions. Harry shifted backwards, and without even once breaking them apart, he squared his shoulders with the back of the couch and pulled Lia along, guiding her to climb on top of him. 
Lia held herself onto him and kneeled on the cushion, swinging one leg over his lap before easing her weight down and landing on his thighs. It was all he needed to be able to taste her skin with the same urgency he’d tasted her mouth. Burying his nose, parting his lips and poking his tongue out. Sinking his fingertips into her sides while shifting the brush of his scruff up to her jaw, then further down to her ear.
And then a soft, unexpected moan vibrated in the back of her throat, and Harry stopped moving.
“Damn,” he breathed into her neck, then dragged his mouth up and back to hers. “C’mere.”
He kissed her eagerly and passionately, taking his hands up to the back of her head and getting his fingers tangled with her hair. Then pulling her closer and right onto his lap.
The new pressure between her legs spurred another moan from Lia’s chest, which was quickly muffled by their twined, impatient tongues. And by the way Harry sighed into her mouth. 
He untangled his fingers from her hair and wandered both of his hands through her back, tracing roughly all of her curves before landing on her bum. He spread his hand open and gave her ass a rough squeeze, then directed her to adjust on top of him and roll just the tiniest bit on his length. 
The new friction was enough to smudge her wetness over him, and a delicious throb and shudder shot through her body. She moaned louder this time, and a low and guttural sound rasped in the back of Harry’s throat.
“Keep going,” he mumbled. “Yeah?”
With a nod, Lia placed her arms around his neck, turning her building emotions into a desperate hug before unashamedly rolling her hips once, twice, and thrice. 
Shit. 
Knowing he was getting hard was hot, but being able to feel him getting hard as she pleasured herself on it was on a whole other level. It turned every sensation into flames, and it made everything inside her combust. 
And apparently it made Harry go feral as well. Wandering his hands all over her body, capturing every inch of her. Squeezing her waist, exploring her chest, grasping her thighs, sliding to her bum and clinging to it while scooching down on the couch and guiding her to keep rocking back and forth.
Harry was in charge, there was no doubt of that. He guided their kisses skillfully — with a mix of hunger, lusciousness and softness. He moved vehemently, devouring her tenderly and yet with no mercy at all. He tasted fresh, and sweet, and powerful. Pulling away for half a second only to tilt his head to the opposite side and start all over again.  
Lia had never been kissed like that, and she already knew she would never be kissed like that again. The way he grabbed her — so tightly — and the hungry sounds in the back of his throat — so manly — made her body ache for more. Pleasure pulsed through every single one of her veins, and everything burned. Burned. And burned.
Dropping her hands down his chest, Lia tugged at the fabric of his t-shirt and helped him get rid of it. Just as easily and hurriedly as they’d gotten rid of her cardigan. And then Harry dropped both hands to the hem of her top and tugged it up, too. 
“Off?”
Lia nodded and lifted her arms, and soon the item was thrown somewhere she couldn’t see and Harry’s mouth was attached to her breast. And also his hand. With every single one of his fingers digging into her.
She sighed, and perhaps she even quietly moaned, too. 
It was just so unexpected and so… Good. 
So, so good. 
The way he sucked her in and flicked his tongue — up and down, side to side. The way he sank his teeth, meanwhile squeezed his hand around the other one. The way he pinched. Teased. Played with it. With them. With her.
“Oh God,” escaped through her mouth, and Lia bit her lip. Embarrassment quickly spread through her face, so she pressed her cheek on the top of his head and looked away. Hiding from him.
Harry let go of her with a pop and one last flick of his tongue, then crossed his arms around her back. He kissed her chest, and her shoulder, and her neck. Trailing a wet path all the way to her ear.
“You sound really nice,” he murmured. “And I’m so turned on right now… But I don’t… I don’t have a condom with me.”
Lia pulled away from the position she was in and shook her head. 
She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d bought a condom. 
“Me neither.”
She leaned in, searching for his lips and kissing him again. 
Harry kissed her back, until he twisted his fingers around her hair and yanked her away from his mouth. 
“We can’t…” he breathed out. “We can’t keep going without a condom.”
Lia blinked and looked at him. 
Harry sat underneath her. His lips were wet and swollen from so much kissing. His hair was disheveled and untamed. And his t-shirt was nowhere to be seen.
“I—I know, but…”
She slid her palms down his chest — his solid, warm, hairy chest. 
God, she was so, so needy. She couldn’t stop now. She didn’t want to stop now. She was so lost in pleasure. So lost in how he looked. How he tasted. How he sounded. How he smelled. So lost in how he made her feel, and so incredibly aware of how her deepest dreams were finally — finally — coming true. Of how much she wanted him. 
So, so lost, and so, so aware, that funnily enough she didn’t even notice when she closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his, then held onto his neck and resumed the rolling of her hips — back and forth, back and forth.
“Can’t we just…” Lia murmured, then stopped to bite her lip and hum. 
“Jesus Christ.” He crossed his arms around her back and kissed her. “We can. Yeah. We sure can.” 
He squeezed his hands around her, constantly guiding her to keep grinding on him, and soon the entire living room was filled with their urgency. And the urgency between them was filled with pure determination. And their determination was made of hurried breathings, dizzy groans, and hot moans. And everything became so intense and so greedy that it suddenly became extremely uncoordinated, and Lia couldn’t focus on kissing him anymore, and she had absolutely no idea what she was doing with her hands anymore. 
Harry must’ve sensed her, because he was quick to crawl one hand up her spine and place it on the back of her head, entangling his fingers with her hair and keeping her face close to his. At the same time, he kept his other arm firm and secure around her waist, and made sure she wouldn’t break their closeness, nor stop the back and forth of her hips. 
Dizzy, Lia hummed another moan. She rested her forehead against his, smudging their noses together while they breathed from each other’s mouths. She blinked, and through blurry eyes watched Harry’s eyebrows pulled together, and his eyelids shut tightly. He kept his lips parted while he panted, breathlessly just like her, and then he tightened his hold on her, scooched even further down the couch, and thrusted his hips up, meeting the rolling of her hips.
His hardness stroked exactly where Lia needed him the most, and her entire body jolted. 
With a moan, she placed her hands on the back of the couch to hold herself and closed her eyes, concentrating on how incredibly good he felt between her legs. 
“Fuck,” Harry’s husky voice grunted, his hot breath hitting her mouth and cheek. “That’s… That’s it. C’mon.”
Lia felt him vibrating all over her body, and electricity blasted her senses. 
It was maddening, and agonizing. 
It was addictive, and satisfying. 
Harry’s body kept stroking and rubbing the right place between her legs, the one she needed for the bubble of tension and pleasure to grow. It spread to her lower back, her belly, her chest, her core. It caused Lia to squeeze her eyes, to furrow her brows, and to tremble. It prompted her to move faster. And also to straighten up a little, shoving her chest onto Harry’s face as she moved her hips to find the constant pressure on that exact wonderful spot she needed to finally explode. 
As soon as she found the position she was looking for, she grasped onto the couch and focused on pressing down — pressing down, down, and down, while rolling more, more, and more. 
“Fucks sake you’re so hot,” he breathed out, digging his hands into her thighs and his lips all above and around her breasts. He thrusted up to meet her again, gripping and squeezing as she lost the strength and coordination of her body. “Don’t stop. C’mon.”
“Oh my—” 
Letting her mouth fall open, Lia cried a gasped moan into the top of his head. A mix between shock, euphoria, and need. 
She shut her eyes tightly and shivered, squeezing his waist between her thighs and falling onto him while every single one of her muscles contracted and relaxed all at once. 
Frantic. 
Shattering. 
Fiery.
Pleasure rippled through her. It waved all over — from her belly, to her cheeks, to her toes. 
Everything went dark as the thrill and the fizz took over every inch of her. She didn’t want to stop, but she couldn’t help it. It had been a while since she’d been with someone, and even longer since she’d had an orgasm while being with someone, so it made sense that her feelings were so intense. Or that her exhausted body couldn’t handle the sensitivity. 
So she nuzzled on his neck and embraced the bliss, catching up her breath while he guided her to ride out the high with slow and gentle touches.
But then, Harry cursed. 
He shifted slightly underneath her, grunted, cursed again, and then apologized. 
Lia opened her eyes slowly, blinking a couple of times to focus on her surroundings. Harry’s neck was all she could see, though. Pretty, smooth, sweaty skin of his neck. The urge to kiss him was instant, so she licked her lips, snuggled closer, and pressed her mouth to the side of his throat. 
Harry squeezed her hips and thrusted up, his covered length sliding onto Lia’s front. 
“Fuck. Shit—Sorry.” He chuckled, saying the same words for what felt like the hundredth time. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.”
“S’okay…” Lia murmured, sliding her hands from his shoulders to his chest. Her lips brushed his skin as they moved, and she took the opportunity to kiss it again, and again. 
“I’m just… I’m really hard right now…” he confessed the obvious, dropping his head back and grunting to the ceiling. “Shit.”
He shifted again. As if trying to get away from the friction. Or maybe searching to get some more of it. 
Lia hummed, slithering her fingers further down his upper body while she scooched backwards on his thighs. 
As soon as she reached his high-waisted pants, Harry jolted. He circled her wrists with one hand and squeezed her hip with the other, warning with a chuckle. “Lia…”
He never stopped her, though. So she brushed her nose up and down his neck, and drifted her fingers smoothly along the black fabric.  
“What?” she whispered, then pressed a kiss right under his ear. “Want me to stop?”
“Fuck no.”
Lia smiled.
Turning her hand upside down, she covered his bulge and stroked him over his pants. Once, and twice. 
At that, Harry moaned.
The sound was so husky, so low and so manly, and yet so vulnerable and so weak at the same time, that it prompted her to repeat the movement. Again. And again. 
Even through the fabric of clothes, he felt amazing under her palm—long, thick, and firm. 
Lia could only imagine what he would look like, or even taste like. And so she asked, repeating the same question he’d breathed out earlier, “Off?”
Harry barely nodded once before he was already shifting and unbuttoning his pants, and he didn’t even have time to pull his briefs down before Lia’s hand was already working on him. Each time with more strength and confidence. Over and over. Licking her palm to make it easier. Better. Brushing around his tip. Twisting here and there. Squeezing and gripping as she moved up and down.
“Holy shit.” He bucked his hips forward, then covered her hand with his, panting heavily while guiding her touch. 
Lia hummed. Parting her lips, she pressed her mouth to his jaw, then slid her tongue to taste the scratchiness of his facial hair.
He moaned again, and then he took his free hand up, ranking his fingers through her hair and yanking her head away from where he couldn’t see her. 
“Kiss me,” he murmured, directing her face to his and drawing her in to get exactly what he wanted.
Lia’s response was immediate, losing herself with his mind-numbing, sloppy, and harsh mouth. Kissing the hell out of him while he writhed and struggled beneath her. Going along with the urgent pace of his hand and swallowing each one of his raspy curses and low rumbled moans. Whimpering along when he drove their connected hands from his base to his head, and then back to his base. Or when he squeezed her hand so they could squeeze himself together, or when he stroked further down and managed to focus on other sensitive parts of him. 
The way he tasted, the way he smelled, the way he sounded, the way he felt. Watching him, listening to him, and helping him as he crumbled beneath her with pure and raw pleasure. Everything was so powerful that she wouldn’t be surprised if it ended up leading her into another orgasm. 
And then every muscle of his body tensed as he pulsed one last time and growled with pleasure. 
Lia broke the kiss and pulled away, keeping the pace of her hand and watching the way his mouth fell open, how he furrowed his brows while shutting his eyelids tightly, and how he shuddered underneath her touch. And just like that, the mess was all over her, and him.
The sight was so intense and intimate, that it filled her heart with emotion. So Lia took her free hand to his face, cradled his cheek, and kissed him again. Capturing his bottom lip between hers, sucking it into her mouth, and pouring him with affection.
Harry hummed, closing his mouth around her upper one while slowly coming down from his own high. 
He sounded content, and relaxed. And a happy smile bursted out from Lia’s chest, inevitably breaking their kiss. 
Smiling as well, Harry leaned in to peck her mouth one more time and pulled away, collapsing onto the couch.
“Holy shit…” he chuckled, breathlessly and quietly. Only for them to hear. “Just… Just so you know… Tomorrow morning I’m going out… And getting us some bloody fucking condoms, ok?” 
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pumpkinmetaphor · 3 days
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im pretty sure its a running joke in the kyokao fandom that they actively make each other worse which i think is absolutely hilarious (because like, yeah annoying capitalist x annoying capitalist) but what are some of the ways you think they improve each other? :D /gen
Great question!
I think Kyoya makes Kaoru more ambitious. Kaoru is smart enough to skirt by most of the time without much effort or forethought. I would not hesistate to believe that he and Hikaru are only doing like half their subjects and then taking tests for each other. I also think Kaoru is immature and nebulous about the future and what he wants from it.
Someone like Kyoya, who is very goal oriented and future focused would be somewhat of a motivating factor. Hikaru and Kaoru's decision to go to Tokyo University is more triggered by Haruhi and Nanako than Kyoya's still pending decision to stay in Boston, but I think Kyoya seeing what he wants and going for it is impressive. I think Kaoru would take his work more seriously, maybe take more of an interest in the business side of things if Kyoya made it more fun.
Meanwhile, I think Kaoru would motivate Kyoya to reevaluate what he thinks freedom means. Freedom is Kaoru's family motto and something Kyoya strives for and thinks he has- but has he? I think in the same way Tamaki makes him reevaluate the box his father has put him in, Kaoru would help recontextualise that a bit more. Yes, you don't have to be trapped in the expectations of your birthright, but maybe you don't need to be beholden to anyone's expectations of you- Kyoya himself said it doesn't matter as long as the people he cares about knows who he is, so maybe he should live by that instead.
The host club in general convinces Kyoya to have a bit more fun, but I think even Kaoru's specific situation- overshadowed by his elder brother, possibly disinherited due to reasons unrelated to merit- and the fact that Kaoru would be entirely unbothered by it would allow Kyoya to maybe reevaluate his options and pick ones that allow him that freedom. After all, those who live freely are the winners, right? And Kyoya wants to win.
I think this "Kaoru makes Kyoya a freer spirit" stops slightly short of Kaoru getting him on a motorbike at any point.
Basically, I think they mellow each other out. Kaoru works harder, Kyoya becomes less of a workaholic. Kaoru becomes a little more self-possessed, Kyoya becomes a little bit freer.
I also think, as me and @pilindiel were only discussing earlier, they mesh pretty well with each other's anxieties. They're two people who believe that they can only be love for the mask they put on, and two people who quite easily see through each other's masks. As long as the people you care about know who you are, nothing else matters- is as much about Kaoru as it is about Kyoya. It's an inadvertant, egotistical admission by Kyoya that he does know who Kaoru is and Kaoru does care about him, and vice a versa. Platonically, and bewildering to Kaoru at this point, but important nonetheless. Kyoya proves his point by even saying it and articulating it as a viewpoint that Kaoru would share- because he does know who Kaoru is, and nothing else about it matters.
But yeah, Kyoya believes that it is more important for the people he cares about to know him than it is for them to love him. And Kaoru is kind of into the whole evil scheming ambition thing so that negates that concern. And Kaoru meanwhile is terrified of being made obsolete and being left behind. Which is negated somewhat by Kyoya being the kind of guy with the dedication to stick to his convictions, one of which he has decided is the perpetuity of the host club. And one would be Kaoru too, of course.
Also just tacking on at the end because I'm rambling too much. I think Kyoya would make Kaoru more independent-- something Kaoru already strives for a bit more of, but there's nothing like giving someone a reason not to share a bedroom with their sibling anymore as that final push. And I think Kaoru would encourage Kyoya to be less self-isolating, less of a lone wolf. Mainly because he likes getting into other people's business. Kaoru loves teamwork <- freak.
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justanotherhh · 2 days
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What characters from helluva boss would the hazbin characters get on best with. I've seen fizz suggested for Angel and Millie for Alastor, but I've seen surprisingly little discussion of it.
Ooh yeah, funnily enough I don't know if I think that Millie would get on with Alastor that much -- I think his old-school Southern Charm might tickle her, but also lowkey she'd think he was.... kinda creepy (which, he is). Alastor would be charmed by her for sure! Her go-gettem take-no-shit attitude, her effortless sweetness, yeah. I think while I say "not get on" I don't mean necessarily in a bad way, just... cautious. Alastor has an ever-growing girl-gang around him, I could see Millie as part of it, but not like. the super friendliest
Fizz and Angel is such a no-brainer, seen a bunch of art and read some fic, these two have so much in common (showbiz! performance! abusive bosses! sex appeal! etcetc) I can't imagine them not getting on, and there's a bunch of scenarios where I think Fizz would want to help Angel out of a bad situation. yeah. there's not much more for me to say on this one that hasn't already been said
I think Cherri (who we don't know too much about in terms of various dynamics at the hotel yet, but I want her and Al to get on so badly....) and Millie would get on like a house on fire. and... set houses on fire. I also think Loona would be in awe of Cherri's whole Everything and Cherri would be kind of touched by the whole idea of "oh I'm a motherfucking Mentor now!!!!" (and they'd set houses on fire) -- but I think there could be a downside in that Loona has some anxieties around partying and drinking and while Cherri might be very helpful with the first in terms of confidence, I think the latter could go badly. but yeah. Cherri and Millie take out Loona. Millie keeps more of a watchful eye on her -- now I've written all of this, I think Millie would initially be quite taken with Cherri, but Millie is in the end a more caretaking person (not of herself, we've seen her and her sister out and about!) + as far as I can tell not super into drugs, so there could be friction there if Loona was in the mix. But it'd be a friction that ultimately works itself out
Verosika, I think, is another character who could get on with Cherri. Gosh I'm just building a Mean Girls extraordinaire group here. I think because both Cherri and Verosika are very Trash Pop Girlies (and I mean that only as a compliment) they'd have so much fun on the dance floor, they'd do karaoke together, lament shitty exes -- Angel would be there also, I cannot take Cherri out to the town and not include Angel. you know he's emo about Verosika's music + again, the showbiz connection there. Verosika so so drunk and so so earnestly telling Angel she's gotten off to his movies and he's incredibly flattered. Those three have a dream team feel to them. but watch out! (nobody to say when to stop)
Also I've written a bunch about Alastor and Striker getting on. that's my pet headcanon. aroace4aroace, both of them aplatonic and loveless, both of them with such an outsiders view of the world around them that they just... end up hanging out. they're not friends, gross, they're just people who understand the inherent terribleness of existence together over a drink every Tuesday
Charlie's difficult because she's at odds with so much of the jadedness that the characters feel in HB, but... I mean she and Moxxie and musicals is right there! I think it'd have the potential to be a very cute friendship that also provides an outlet for two very very nerdy people who frequently get judged by their peers for being rambly and overly sincere. Charlie would fuckin eat up Les Mis
Also I do like the idea that Asmodeus babysat Charlie when she was younger. nothing much to add here, just think that's Neat
Niffty! D'you know I think Niffty and Millie also? (Millie is also a Creechur) and maybe even moreso, Niffty and Sallie May? I think these sisters would be taken by the oddity that is Niffty and also feel a little protective over her. I think Niffty's habit of crawling on people she likes would be well-accepted by them and they'd encourage her hobbies. they might be a little surprised by her puppet shows, but all three of them enjoy sadomasochism
Stolas... I've seen some Stolas and Angel also, which I think would be interesting. They're both characters who are quite dissociated from their own bodily needs/wants and trying to learn about them (possibly for the first time), they've both experienced some identity-based punishment around being gay men, they've both got Style, albeit differently inspired. I think Angel might be taken by Stolas' overt constant sincerity, while Stolas... I mean firstly Stolas has also watched a couple of Angel's movies ofc, and so starts off being quite starstruck (they maybe both have this, considering Stolas is a prince) and Angel has a sweet side that takes ever less prodding to get out and I think faced with Stolas he'd take down his mask pretty quickly
Vaggie! I mean Vaggie is sooooooo difficult to get under the armour of. I think perhaps Sallie May would want to (hit that) know more about her/be quite intrigued and I think Vaggie would be pretty shy but taken with her forthrightness and once she's more comfortable Sallie May takes her hunting or something suitably violent like that. I choose in this scenario to forgo jealousy tropes, and go with Charlie is just super happy that Vaggie is making friends with similar interests!!! (the exclamation marks are Charlie).
Blitzo. Blitzooooooooooooooo. It depends on where in his journey he is I gueeess, but. Okay but what if Blitzo and Husk though, because they're both done-with-this-shit alcoholics who wouldn't need to talk, but also Blitzo is a drunk-talker and Husk knows how to get people to open up, because he's a bartender and Husk kinda feels for the guy, Blitzo's having the worst time and that sure is saying something considering Husk is literally enslaved by a deal. so Now I'm almost imagining this as one of Husk's good deeds, he talks to Charlie and the hotel takes Blitzo out for a good time
but honestly so many Blitzo dynamics would be fun here -- Blitzo and Charlie (unlikely besties, where Charlie's irrepressible optimism meets Blitzo's unstoppable depression and nihilism and he finds that he genuinely is trying not to swear around her out of politeness and it Unnerves him, but hey, you can't disappoint a kid who does puppy-dog eyes like that + her daddy's the king of hell), Blitzo and Niffty (there's a lil undercurrent of brother-gotta-protect vibes in both these shows and Niffty, for all her competency, is a Lil Creechur and Blitzo wouldn't want her to get hurt), Blitzo and Vaggie (fuck this afterlife), Blitzo and Angel (BLITZO HAS ALSO WATCHED HIS MOVIES, YES EVERYONE HAS WATCHED AND ENJOYED ANGEL'S MOVIES, and Blitzo wants to make a good impression... here comes my One Night Stand Blitzo And Angel Sudden HC. I think they would)
gosh there's still characters I haven't mentioned o-kay, knuckle down!
Sir Pentious and Moxxie -- both like machinery, both nerrrds, both dress similarly, both tinkerers, both prefer weaponry to hands-on fighting, both underestimated a lot, both very polite Gentlemen, both dating total Baddies Cherri and Millie (oh wait, there's an episode in this that ties to Cherri and Millie going out, where while the latter have a whole Arc, SP and Moxxie are just chilling so hard the entire time). Vibesssss
Octavia is another one I can see in a lot of configurations. Octavia and Charlie kind of a good one, princesses hanging out, I think initially there'd be a bit of personality friction, but I think Via could benefit from a Charlie in her life + they both have daddy issues. Via would also get on really really well with Vaggie I think, so if we've got a Cherri+Millie+Loona constellation, then we've got a parallel Charlie+Vaggie+Via one, where Vaggie kinda balances out the two very intensely in different directions energies and the three of them have a much quieter night, ultimately, than the other three (why is this all ending up as one big headcanon where everyone meets up and it's a party and some people go out and others stay in and there's a bunch of character development?)
Fizzie btw could go either way in this scenario. he has a foot in both worlds, but I read him as more of a homebody than a partygoer. he's just a very flamboyant homebody, so I think he'd prefer to do his nails with Charlie and Vaggie and Via than to go dancing/burning shit up with Cherri and Angel and Millie and Verosika and Loona. Stolas, I just realised, also hanging out and doing nails and the like, I think also good bonding time for him and Via + he and Charlie would bond over bursting into song and yearning
dyou think Alastor would be incredibly charming with Verosika also and she'd be a lil flustered by it? I want that too. like he kisses her knuckles and says he admires her work and it's a lil, oh boy oh boy (and then she asks Angel and Cherri what Al's deal is, like is he gay or what because she's been flirting with him all evening and nothing, and they're like *shrug* whatever his deal is, it ain't sex that's for sure and she sighs and says all the good guys are too busy committing atrocities, and Angel and Cherri squint, because her taste in men... clearly missing some Red Flags for her to respond to)
Octavia would be fascinated by Niffty also -- Niffty generally has the energy of that gina linetti meme in b99 where all the psychologists are hunkered around her desperate to study her:
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whomst am I missing. Kinda skipping the sins+Lucifer, also the villains (minus Striker), and most of the tertiary characters. I think that's it then? *wipes brow*
feel free to add more thoughts/dynamics!
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sandbarbirdie · 3 days
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At What Cost
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Description: Rhett Abbott's dreams start to take shape, but at what cost?
word count: 2.5k
c/w: blood, descriptions of injuries.
a/n: a formed thought from conversations with @sebsxphia that manifested into. This is the longest thing I have written in probably over a year so be kind.
Adrenaline pounded through Rhett. A strong pulse rang in his ears, contrasting the sharp sound of the metal gate latching and the booming announcer on the megaphone. Cheers from the stadium rumble through the earth, the high-pressure atmosphere illuminated by the bright lights shining through the dusty haze kicked up by boots.  Eight seconds. 8 seconds to win. 
Rosin sticks to his worn glove as it works into the braided leather. Simultaneously, his other hand readjusts the hat perched on his head. His eyes search over the sea of people in the stands, smiling softly to himself as they land on the familiar shape of your hat and the color of your worn jeans. He can tell adrenaline and concern courses through you, even from a distance. You swallow your worry, manifesting in how your knuckles are white from gripping the metal railing of the bleachers. Pride overpowers your outward worry as you cheer his name, your smile lighting up the stadium. You ease his stagnant anxiety.
He'd had a good circuit, making it to the Semi Finals within the collection of neighboring counties. He placed in the top 3 every ride for the entire circuit. Currently, on his second ride of the night, he sat in first. If he kept the momentum, he'd break into the national circuit at the end of the night. A rough hand on his shoulder breaks him out of his gaze and back to his place on the bull. With a deep breath and a roll of his bad shoulder, he gives a curt nod. The chute opens.
1 second. 2. 
6 more seconds to make his score. You refuse to take your eyes off him in the center of the ring to look at the timer. With each second ticking, the world slows around you. The bull's heels are high, and in a tight twist, Rhett rides. The buzzer sounds with a sharp ring throughout the arena. Instantly you are on your feet, calling out his name with joy. You were ecstatic, his hard work, and your shared sleepless nights leading up to this minute. Yet, within an instant, your breath hitches as his grip falters and he cries out. In a chaotic flurry of motion, dust kicks up. Your world stops. 
The stadium is quiet as the dust settles. Your world is unmoving. Rhett lays on the ground, and the bullfighter is yelling something incoherent to the chute. The commotion is enough to feel fear rise from your feet. Your heart quickens at the telltale stain of dark red on the dry dirt. "Get up. Come on! Get up" Your heart sinks. "Rhett, come on. Get out of there". Desperately, you call out his name, breaking the tense silence as the bull returns to the side of him. "RHETT"  Rhett grunts as he hits the ground. His hat is a few feet from impact. Numbly and gasping for air, he narrowly turns his head into the dirt, missing the hoof land on the ground adjacent to his shoulder. He blinks in a daze as a body collides above him and covers his torso.  Seconds tick by. He gasps for air, the wind knocked out of him. He only registers that he is on the ground when a hand is placed on his chest to stop him from sitting up.
Someone is speaking to him. A blurry figure tugs his vest off. His body limply reacted to the motion, ears ringing. His shaking hand reaches to the bridge of his nose. His eyes squeeze shut in an attempt to subdue the spinning. With his eyes shut, blood speckled across his cheek and forehead, his mind could only focus on you. 
Where were you? 
The bull clears, and before you can stop yourself, you are trying to jump the railing, ignoring the people beside you trying to call out to you. All you could think about was getting to him.
Pushing through pain and shallow breaths, he cranes his neck, wincing at the stadium lights. Disoriented by the brightness, he could not register the faces or what was said to him. His head spun as he tried to piece together anything. Where were you? He thought he had seen you here. Swallowing, he weakly called out. Your name tasted of copper on his lips. A cough shook his diaphragm, his world growing blurry, edges fading. He felt hands on him and weakly tried to push back. A shadow blocked the harsh lights overhead.  It had been the longest 3 minutes of your life. The determination to make it to Rhett removed any ability to make a sound judgment of time. The moment your boots hit the ground from the 4-foot drop off the stands, you started running. Fear twists in your gut with each step closer. The closer you got, the more desperate you became. Your breath hitched as his neck craned in your direction. His eyes failed to focus on you, just a few feet away. You pushed past the stadium EMT, not caring what he had to say at this moment.  Rhett coughed as your knees sank into the dirt by his head. With your hands cupping his face, you watched as his eyes looked up toward you, his vision wavering in and out of focus. Your heart sank as you realized that he could not see you. He flinched at a motion from the paramedics, overcome by blinding pain. Weakness withheld the ability to reach out to you. Rhett, you said softly in a desperate attempt to help him regain focus.  "I am right here. I am here Rhett." His eyes never reached yours, and he struggled to focus beyond the blurry edges of darkness. Unknowingly, his wide greens searched desperately for the familiar comfort of yours. Shallowly drifting out of consciousness, he murmured something that sounded like your name.
"Rhett. Rhett! Stay awake. Please- Come on Cowboy. Keep those pretty eyes open." You knew your pleads were useless as you watched his eyes blink into stillness. That did not stop them from tumbling from your trembling lips anyway.
Tears ran freely down your cheeks as you numbly watched as Rhett transferred to the backboard, a neck brace having been placed on while you kept his head still. You flexed your hands into fists in an attempt to stop their trembling.  After briefly speaking to the EMT, you returned to the parking lot. His hat found its familiar home on the dashboard. Tear-stained and with a tight chest, you climbed into the driver's seat. It numbed you to pull the seat forward instead of seating your long-legged cowboy. With a shaky thumb, you flipped through your contacts and let the tone run on speakerphone.  Caller ID: Royal 
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You hadn’t slept. The nurse's tried to convince you to take a break or walk to the coffee machine at the end of the hall. Royal looked at you with an unspoken concern when you refused his extended opportunities to rest. You and Rhett had agreed that you wouldn't call him unless it was important and you were grateful for his presence when speaking with the Surgeon. Yet you let Royal off the hook from your anger, not having the energy. He hadn't been there to watch his son ride and couldn't move past leaning in the door frame watching the rise and fall of Rhett's chest. Eventually he had to return to the ranch. He gave a soft smile that didn't reach his eyes as he turned away. Leaving you and Rhett alone. Yet you never left Rhett's side. Your fingers traced patterns surrounding the IV in his hand. The nights left you with your head buried in your hands next to his bedside, often waking up from short bursts of sleep during the nurse’s night rounds with a blanket placed on your shoulders. You were grateful that the staff allowed the violation of its visitor policy with a turned eye.  Before the second surgery to reset his shoulder, he had been in and out. A few mumbled hi’s with low squinted eyes and “I love you’s” drawn out into sleep. A concussion haze took over and then the fever.  You were cautious carding a hand through his hair, unable to ignore the heat radiating and the sweat clinging to his soft curls. Fingers carefully avoiding the stitches. It was almost cruel how peaceful he looked. The bruises on his jaw had begun to heal. The underlying yellow served as a subtle reminder of the passage of time. Your heart ached, flooded with memories of similar moments in the light of early morning in your shared bedroom, a calloused hand on your hip.  His recovery hadn’t gone as initially planned. Stitches, broken ribs, and, a dislocated shoulder were enough to land him in the hospital, along with the concussion. The surgeries were successful and it was now only up to time. He had pulled through most of it, however, more concerning was the development of a building fever and potential further bleeding. 
A low hum rumbled through his chest. You missed it at first. You felt it the second time rather than heard it. Your hand had traveled to cup his face and brush a curl behind his ear.  Weakly he swallowed and pressed his head back into the pillow. Slowly, with heavy lids, his eyes blinked. His brows furrowed as he blinked again. His vision adjusted to the low amount of late afternoon sunlight streaming in the room through half-open blinds. His whole body felt heavy, he fought against it with a grunt to stay more or less upright. Confusion spun through his mind.  "You are alright", a soft voice said beside him.  He took in the edge of the hospital bed. His eyes wandered to his name written on a whiteboard by the door. He silently studied the patterned hospital gown and the sling on his left arm. Confusion continued, especially as his attempt to sit up was unsuccessful and fatigue coursed through him. His eyes wandered to the hand resting interlaced in his. His breath was shallow as he fought against the heaviness pulling him back.  He slowly turned his head towards you, eyes shut as he tried to fight the wave of exhaustion. His eyes met yours. The familiarity overwhelmed him. He’d spent so much time trying to find your eyes. Now he was searching for himself within them.  "Hi" he mumbled, wincing at the exertion of shifting in bed.  "Hey you", you said softly, smile following.  "Shit. I-" he breathed. "It’s okay. You’re okay, take your time" You spoke softly and let him process on his own. After a few moments of silence, he blinked away tears, his hand squeezed yours weakly. "Darling- I’m sorry. I scared you real bad, didn’t I?" His free hand comes up to cup your face. His thumb gently swipes underneath your eyes.  "What am I going to do with you", you laughed softly, overwhelmed with emotion. You cupped your hand over his and sighed. "but yeah, you scared us all quite a bit there" "I- I thought I heard you scream my name." He said after some time. "I tried calling out for you. I couldn't find you. Tasted too much like blood" His voice cracking. Your breath hitched and you closed your eyes. You hadn't expected him to remember.
"I was right there. Ran as fast as I could to you" He swallowed. Then he leaned back and let his hand drop from your face. His head throbbed, he pinched the bridge of his nose as a wave of dizziness overtook him.  "'m sorry." Rhett stared at the ceiling with watering eyes. Guilt racked through him. "I don't know what I was thinking" "Rhett-" "No. It was too good to be true, semifinals." He scoffed to himself. "I should've known I wasn't making the championships anyway. For what? A check and buckle? Just some bullshit. There was never a real chance of getting us out of here. Not like this anyway. " his tone shortened. "Hey- none of that. You gave them hell Rhett. People dream of riding like you did last week" "Why'd you stay? You- " He paused and looked up at you knowing not to bring up the fact that he knew that you had probably not slept much. It ate him alive, to know you had worried this much about him. That he had placed this burden on you. Previous arguments between the two of you weighed heavy on his chest. Yet sitting here, on the other end of the fear, he didn't know if it was worth it anymore. Aside from you and the animals, it was his everything. His out. His route to leaving this shitty town behind for good. He decided against finishing his thought. Dizzy, in pain and overwhelmed he closed his eyes.
"Seriously, do you think I'd just leave you like this? After everything- You paused as you realized the silent tears running down his cheeks. "Hey Hey. You'll be alright Cowboy. We'll be alright." you said softly as you ran your hands through his hair again. You cursed softly realizing just how warm he had grown. His body started to relax and he mumbled something about being dizzy as fatigue started to return. You pressed the call button and wiped his tears.
"Will- Wiil you stay?" He hiccuped.
"Course. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here when you wake up"
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Hihi slug, I love your work, and thanks for everything!! Since Matenro season is nearly upon us, I was wondering if we could get your opinion on the solo snippets🤞🤞
Matenro's new solo previews are SO GOOD, what do you think of them?
Thank you both for notifying me about them! Taking a look now...
(The album is probably already out now, but... better late than never...)
Jakurai's A Majestic Figure
Title note: 4-kanji compounds are like the SAT vocab words of Japanese; they're not super common in everyday speech and can evoke a literary or sophisticated feeling. This one is...interesting. To the best of my knowledge, it isn't a standard compound (I'm also not getting any hits when I Google it) and I wonder if that's significant. It's just two words strung together to make the appearance of fanciness, perhaps. I couldn't say for certain. At any rate, both 威風 and (especially) 颯爽 describe a majestic, often captivating appearance. This isn't to say that such qualities of dignity or majesty aren't real, but I definitely feel like both terms are defining a subject from an outside perspective. These aren't terms I would ever expect someone to describe themselves with, which makes the song title sound like it's an outside observer commenting on Jakurai instead of Jakurai talking about himself. We see this happen a lot in Hypmic, with people putting Jakurai on pedestals or Jakurai struggling to see himself as the same grand figure others perceive him as. As a result, I wrote the song title as "A Majestic Figure" to emphasize the appearance of majesty, whereas the character of the figure is unknown. Anyway, let's dive in and see what this is all about.
(10 seconds in) Vibing with these instrumentals
(19 seconds in) Not vibing with these "ah"s... but we can't have everything in life
(43 seconds in) I'm a little too tired to fully keep up (I'll look up the lyrics when I'm done) but I REALLY like the urgency in the delivery, which is so at odds with the flowing, dignified background music. In JPN fiction as a whole, flusteredness/desperation is contrasted with calmness as a synonym for imperfection and perfection. Jakurai is, honestly, really kind of a desperate character...yet one that appears outwardly calm/perfect to most of the rest of the cast, so it's interesting that we get to see his desperate nature on full display right at the start of the song.
(1:26 in) Hand motif mentioned *Cinemasins ding* (of
(End) Thank you uta-net for having the lyrics up already; ily. Let's see now... Interesting. I'll have to read them again in more depth later, but it looks like a call to forgive past wounds and seek out a better, less painful way of existence--in a societal sense, a religious (as in like, ascending or becoming enlightened) sense, and a personal sense. All great things to see Jakurai expressing. Again, it's interesting to see Jakurai expressing this with such urgency, even if these are things we know he really, really cares about. That coupled with the background music seems to match a bit in the lyrics that says "And [to end war within society, paraphrased] I take grand, dignified action mixed with the discord and noise of Shinjuku, a samsara spiral of cacophonous echoes." Mixing the stately and the chaotic, the "imperfect" and the "perfect." Really interesting stuff!
Hifumi's The Beginning of the Last Song
Title note: "Last Song" is English and written in katakana, which is a sharp contrast to the style of Jakurai's title. Creates a much younger and casual feel appropriate for Hifumi. Not much else to say here, so let's jump in.
(10 seconds in) Modern indie pop song on the radio feel. I'm not a fan of autotune in general so I'm not in love with this, but I'm hopeful it'll pick up soon.
(22 seconds in) I listen to so much "soft hiphop" (for lack of a better term) during work that my brain instantly catapulted itself into work mode and stopped paying any attention to the words. Coffee mug? Check. Emails? Check. Anxiety? Check. Let me rewind and listen to this properly.
(32 seconds in but for real this time) So far, very Hifumi. Opening verse has some fun figurative language but essentially says Hifumi's suit is pure courage he dons like a suit of armor. In doing so, it masks him and makes him become like a whole other person. From there, he switches to addressing a listener: "I want to soothe your mental wounds. I want to change your frown into a smile. I won't let go of your hands, and no, I'm not doing this for a reward." It's something that Hifumi should be saying to himself (something Hifumi wants to hear, maybe?) and yet he says "To [Host!]me, this is happiness."
(59 seconds in) Hmm... I was going to say this song feels sad to me, because all these positive messages of "Keep going! You're safe now!" are framed as being directed at other people, and I was like..."Hifumi, who's going to say that to you? Who's going to help you feel that way?" but then the line "You made me realize I'm not alone" radically flips the framing so that it DOES become things Hifumi is saying to himself, too. How nice. :) I would not want to translate this, personally... Haha it's using the vagueness of Japanese grammar and lyrical conventions to great effect, but I don't feel comfortable touching that personally.
(1:02) Hell yeah, belt that shit, homie
(1:32) So it's a last song in the sense that it's a farewell or the final song of his old self. Now he's the new, healing Hifumi. We love to see it 10/10 bravo. The song is also a happy, heartfelt thank you to the unspoken listeners (presumably Matenrou) who helped him feel less alone. That's cute! I like it. I probably shouldn't go here, but I find it intriguing how the vagueness of listeners is utilized. The first time the listeners are addressed, the language is...if not borderline romantic, pathos-filled to the point where it's definitely evocative of his host job (hence why he's not seeking compensation for handholding, an often romantic gesture). Yet it's borderline enough that it wouldn't be inappropriate to imagine it being addressed to Matenrou instead of his patrons. Hahaha. Again, another reason I don't want to go near this one.
(Overall) I like it! A nice ballad for Hifumi.
Doppo's Andante
(5 seconds in) For a song called Andante, this has a faster tempo than at least one other song on this album lol. But it's much less frenetic than Doppo's other solos, so there's that, I guess.
(7 seconds in) This delivery is giving me anime ending made by a 2010s rock band vibes lol.
(14 seconds in) Damn there's a baller line here that I'm stumped on how to convey in Eng in a way that's both baller and sensical. Meaning wise, it's like "I want to take back the things I shouldn't have said and give them as a present to you" and in figurative language it's like "Once, I used to fire words into the air [speak things in anger or carelessly]. Now, I want to gather them up [esp. like a bouquet of flowers] after their flight and use them to decorate you [again, like flowers or like a piece of jewelry--it's a positive connotation]" Pop off, Doppo
(40 seconds in) Oh this is killer and also going to need some major explaining. Doppo's name is literally "he who walks alone" which is usually considered a positive thing--someone who "walks the path of life" alone would have gotten there by outstripping the rest of the pack. In Doppo's case, though, this is a negative thing. I think it's not as obvious to Eng-only fans, and I know I didn't really think about it for a long time myself, but Doppo considers himself a "loser" bc he didn't follow a conventional life path. It's considered atypical to switch employers, especially very early on in one's career, as he did when he stood up for Hifumi and got himself fired at his first job. Part of why he puts up with shitty treatment at EL Medical is because it's one of the few places that would hire someone who switched employers at such a young age. (Sidebar: My (probably flawed, as I don't live in Japan) impression is that this is becoming less and less of a thing as time goes on and the economy goes to shit, but I think it's the self-stigma more than anything else that's affecting Doppo. To me, it feel similar to the societal pressures in the US to attend and graduate from a four-year college. Plenty of people don't for all sorts of reasons, but because that's so ingrained as the default life story for Americans in a lot of communities, Doppo's dealing with the kind of disappointment and self-hatred someone who dropped out before getting a four year degree might feel.) Doppo beats himself up about that a lot, but here we get that lovely line of "In the waves of people (hitonami) passing all around me, I no longer see anyone who looks like me. It's a shame, because I always wanted to be just like everyone else (hitonami)." Outside of that beautiful wordplay on hitonami, we're also treated to the figurative language of hitonami being literally "in line with others." Doppo, a character who walks through life alone, wanted to walk through life at the same pace/reaching the same milestones at the same time as everyone else.
(1:04 in) "Life is a tightrope act; it's like walking a balance beam [lit. "average beam" aka a beam where everything is averaged/balanced]. In a country where not everything can be average (narasarenai) and where even if the things that [I] can accomplish (narasareru) don't matter [in the eyes of society], sometimes the sounds I want to make don't come out right (narasarenai). When that happens, I can call myself pitiful--or I can feel the breathing of the beautiful flowerbed that is this city, and when someone's humming under their breath disturbs that short break [lit. breath], I ask them 'So, what is this happiness thing anyway?'" I would rather die than TL this song but I'm LOVING the creativity and depth of the lyrics.
(1:27) WILD! FUCKING! CHEERING!!! "You fake smiles in a mirror to make other people happy and call it love. It's a form of hypnosis, and I've made a go of falling under its spell because I just want to be equals [on par with, balanced], and so if you and I can walk these crowded streets together, then I think I don't mind as much that I'm always walking alone." THE GROWTH! THE GROWTH!!!!
Damn, this album's lyrics go hard. What a feast.
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