#and stupid things i’ve seen some people say in regards to that concert

[robertsbarbie]

the touring industry still hasn’t recovered from covid-19 and i don’t think people fully realize that

[krreader]

EXO reacting to you, a foreign idol, receiving hate after your relationship went public.

pairing: exo x foreign idol!reader fandom: exo warnings: language ; racism genre: angst ; fluff word count: 1.5k+

a/n: I wish the reality were a lot different, but with jongdae having received so much backlash.. god I just hope people will leave them all alone and let them love in peace.

kim minseok

Concerts were supposed to be a fun time for both idols, as well as fans.

But seeing stuff like this always made Minseok regret his career choices.

All he could do was stare at the racist sign that a fan was holding up in disbelief, maybe even a little bit of sadness and disappointment that one of his fans was behaving like so.

His band members must have seen his reaction, Junmyeon, as the leader instantly nodding towards the fan and a manager handled the rest from there.

She was gone, but what she had written on that sign was branded in his memory.

“You okay?” you asked later that night when you joined him in bed.

Minseok opened his mouth and looked at you, but then he closed it again and smiled, shaking his head a little, “Just tired.”

This wasn't something that you needed to know. He wanted to protect you from that world of hate as much as possible.

kim junmyeon

Junmyeon was so busy bowing to the artists that passed him that he didn't even notice your band being among them at first.

But the moment his eyes landed on you, his smile instantly widened.

PDA wasn't exactly something you could do here and you both knew it, neither of you was this stupid.

But the smile that Junmyeon had only reserved for you seemed to be enough to start a shit-storm online.

“Why is he only smiling at her like that? It's disgusting.”

“Does she think she's special or something? Somebody remind her that she's not.”

“Can she just go back to where she came from? It’s annoying me.”

Were just examples of hatefulness spread in online forums and the likes. But Junmyeon made sure that you wouldn't read them.

Right after the award show, he and you decided to – instead of going to the after-party – go straight home and just enjoy some alone time together.. without your phones.

You knew he was looking out for you when every time you wanted to check your messages, he pulled you closer and kissed you instead and every time you’d ask why, he’d just laugh and tell you that he couldn’t get enough of you.

And well.. his strategy worked.

zhang yixing

Yixing must have thought that with him barely being a part of EXO's promotions anymore, that fans would lay off of him and you.

Maybe give him a pass and let him live and love in peace.

That's why he brought you to the film premiere as his date, because he truly thought it would be fine.

But damn, fans were viscous. 

The moment he and you stepped out of the car, they were screaming at you to get back to where you came from and it was.. a mess, to say the least.

Nevertheless, Yixing was proud to have you by his side and every chance he got for an interview, he mentioned it, wanting to show these “fans” that their racism wouldn't change his opinion on you in the slightest and that it was absolutely not appropriate here or anywhere else.

But he knew that this night wasn't easy for you, even if you smiled throughout the entire time and he was glad when it was finally over again and you were back home in the safety of your own four walls. There, he could at last wrap his arms around you and hold you close as you were finally allowed to shed a few tears.

“I'm so sorry,” he kept whispering into your hair, “I love you so much, never forget it.”

byun baekhyun

“Are you even able to communicate?” one of the interviewers asked Baekhyun after the topic of you and him having started dating came up.

And the question caught him off guard because, “You've.. talked with her.. lots of times before? And she spoke.. perfect Korean?”

“Well, yeah, but it's just.. she's not Korean.”

It was so stupid and everyone in the room knew it. Some of his band members snorted, others even started laughing, while Baekhyun just really didn't know what else to say to this.

“I think you handled it well,” you said later that night when you sat down next to him on the couch, “They just want gossip and they'll do anything to get it.”

“I just wish they'd stop disregarding you so much just because you’re not Korean.”

“My confidence is a lot bigger than they think,” you smiled and kissed his forehead, “I'll be fine, babe. You don’t have to worry about me,”

He pulled you into his arms with a sigh and held you there until the world felt like a better place again.

kim jongdae

Jongdae put down his phone with a heavy sigh after having read yet another headline that was so similar to all the ones before.

“South Korean idol Kim Jongdae dating foreign idol (Y/N) and fans aren't happy about it.”

It was a Korean article and people knew, even by his name alone, that Jongdae was Korean, but they still had to emphasize it.. because you weren't. And that was apparently an issue.

“How are you?” he texted you later.

“I'm okay, don't worry about me,” you replied only a few minutes later.

“But I am worrying. Don't read the articles, okay?”

“I'm fine, Jongdae, really. Media can suck my non-existing dick.”

After reading that line, Jongdae immediately started to smile and nod to himself.

You were right.

The media could sick his dick too.

park chanyeol

“What are you doing?” Chanyeol leaned down to press a kiss against the back of your head, his eyebrows furrowing when you were watching one of his music videos.

“Nothing..”

But from the way your voice sounded and the fact that your shoulders were slumped when you walked into the kitchen, it really didn't look like nothing.

So he followed you and pestered you for as long as it took for you to finally tell him what was bothering you.

“People keep comparing us to you guys. Saying that we have fewer views and that we're less popular and that it's all my fault.”

“(Y/N), they're just jealous.”

“I know.. but our relationship.. it's ruining my group's image, Chanyeol. These girls have worked so hard and it's..-” you let out a heavy sigh and shook your head.

“Hey,” he took a step closer and grabbed your chin to make you look at him, “Nobody is ruining anything, especially not you. You are an essential part of your group and without you, they'd lose an important puzzle piece.”

He must have known that you were hinting at leaving the group, but that wasn't something that Chanyeol would stand by and just watch. You had worked hard too.. and he wouldn't let you stop now just because some jealous idiots thought they had the power to destroy your life.

do kyungsoo

“I'm sure the situation isn't easy for you,” his new make-up artist said as she was doing the finishing touches on his face, “In regards to (Y/N), I mean.”

He didn't want to talk about it, but he appreciated her concern, so he said: “Thank you.”

“It's not easy when someone clings to you so hard that you can't get rid of them. I've been there.. but you'll escape the relationship eventually.”

That had him stare at her with confusion, “Wait... what?”

“I heard foreigners are extremely clingy... that's probably why.”

Needless to say, she had her job for exactly one day.

Kyungsoo wouldn't work with a racist, especially not one that disrespected his girlfriend like that.

kim jongin

They were doing a fan sign right now, the first one after Jongin's and your relationship got exposed.

He had been incredibly nervous beforehand, but so far, everyone was nothing but kind to him. Nobody had even mentioned you.

Until one fan came up.

“Don't you think you should find someone like yourself?”

Jongin stopped writing on her album momentarily, his eyes still on his writing, but then he continued with his signature with a smile, “She is like myself. An idol. An artist.”

“But she's a foreigner. She's not really like us.”

Jongin clenched his jaw, then looked up with a sweet, but very fake smile, “She's a human being. A very kind one. I hope that can be respected.”

The girl would have liked nothing more than to argue with him about this, but the manager ushered her to keep going and Jongin was with the next fan that was a lot nicer than the one before.

He was just glad that you hadn't been here to listen to what she had said.

oh sehun

“Hey, I just wanted to call you,” Sehun smiled as he accepted your call, but when he could hear you cry, he instantly froze, “What happened?”

“Are you sure this is good, Sehun? I don't think anyone approves.”

“What do you mean?” he furrowed his eyebrows and quickly hurried into an empty corridor where he could speak to you in peace.

“The fans.. your fans, they all.. hate me.”

Sehun let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes for a moment.

So you had read all the nasty comments.

“(Y/N), don't read them. The people that write these things are not in their right state of mind. These people don't matter.”

Of course, it was easier for Sehun to just say these things as he was not the victim in this situation, at least not directly. But he still felt for you, of course he did, he loved you. All he could do was be there for you and continuously tell you and show you just how much you meant to him.

Your nationality didn't change that, despite what other people seemed to think

[twicepinkmeup-imagines]

Hirai Momo ; it’s you & me against the world... right?

writer’s note : alright ngl this request honestly intrigued me because i was wondering what would actually happened if a surprise went wrong and how heartbreaking would that beeeee!!! ok so sorry if its angsty as hell in the beginning but i promise there’s light at the end of the tunnel hehe

warning : angsty as hell but reward towards the end 🤩

tips : my gay babies, u know i LOVE reading with a music background so TRY IT!!!!! For the angsty part, I was listening to Only (Live from the Royal Albert Hall) by RY X & i’m not gonna lie, it stung a little 😢 but as the angst began to go and the happy part came in, i listened to Canada by Lauv 🥴

words : 4,063 words

xoxo

6 months.

That was how long since Y/N last saw her girlfriend, Momo. 6 months and when she saw the opportunity arise, she grabbed it immediately.

Being close friends with the rest of Twice had its perks. That said, Y/N got a message from Sana saying that she’s got an extra ticket because her mother couldn’t make it and the concert was in Kyoto— right in her girlfriend’s hometown and she couldn’t let that opportunity slip.

Packing and getting ready for the surprise wasn’t that hard, much to Y/N’s surprise. She managed to get the help of all the girls and she urged them to keep her girlfriend distracted until the day she arrived, which was a day before their Kyoto concert.

She managed to bring along Momo’s extra clothes that the other girls had mentioned she forgot to bring and also her favorite teddy bear to sleep at night; ‘Bearing’ from Singapore.

To say she was tired was an understatement but the cheapest flight to Kyoto was only available at dawn and she sacrificed her sleep for the sake of seeing her girlfriend.

Arrival in Kyoto was a breeze as Jihyo managed to get one of the managers to pick her up at the airport but of course, Y/N had insisted to pay for the hotel room herself because they’ve already done so much for her.

What she was scared of, was the surprise.

For some odd reason, Sana had informed her that Momo hadn’t been in a good mood lately as netizens started to spread a rumor regarding Momo dating a non-idol; which is Y/N, obviously.

Y/N understood where Momo came from, as the latter had told her stories about the days she had to go through after her previous relationships had gone public and she felt as if she had brought the group’s image down.

Momo had also admitted that after people found out about any of her prior relationships, she felt a sense of anxiety and sad, because all she ever wanted was to be a human being, who happens to fall in love once in a while.

However, Y/N was optimistic and careful, making sure that every move she made was far from any paparazzis or overly obsessed fans. She made sure to use casual attire too, nothing that was standing out too much.

Not long after arriving at the hotel, she settled down quickly and changed into a different set of clothes before Y/N insisted on taking the cab to avoid any suspicious fans following the van or paparazzis alike. Arriving at the venue was simple but getting through the restricted entrance was another thing.

Y/N was given a pass, an employee pass from the managers, and she knew getting in wasn’t that difficult but then again, she was trying to avoid any pictures being taken so nothing could be blown out of proportions if the worst were to happen.

Thankfully, the cab had dropped her off pretty far from the public eye and she managed to get through easier than expected.

Upon arrival, she was greeted with the group’s managers and also a few of the members such as Sana, Dahyun and Jihyo.

“Oh! Thank God, you’re finally here!” Sana rushed to her, her expression worried and also a bit tired.

“We were waiting for you!” Dahyun admitted.

Y/N then furrowed her brows in confusion and asked, “Why? What happened? Is Momo alright? Did she find out about the surprise??”

“No, no, she doesn’t know a thing but her mood’s been off the whole day for some odd reason,” Jihyo explained, her face laced in worry as she added, “We heard from Nayeon that she’s been harassed online again because someone found out that she currently is dating someone.”

Not knowing what to do next, Y/N questioned, “So, what should we do? Should I still surprise her or...?”

The three girls looked at each other momentarily before Jihyo sighed and gave a kind smile while saying, “Of course you should— I mean, you came all this way to see her; you deserve to see her after all the trouble.”

“But just to be sure, we’ll make sure to go somewhere else when you surprise her, just in case if she, you know, breaks down and rants to you.” Dahyun chuckled awkwardly as the two other girls nodded in agreement.

Y/N sighed audibly with pursued lips as she nodded while saying, “Okay, where to next?”

xoxo

“Momo-ya, can you wait here for a moment? We need to take our shoes from the car.” Jeongyeon said, the other girls fiddling nervously and hoping that the plans goes through.

Momo furrowed her brows in confusion as she sat on the couch with her phone in her hands before she asked, “Eh? Shouldn’t I come along?”

The girls had a temporary panic before Nayeon smoothly jumped in and explained, “Yours is already here but we took the wrong ones.”

Still confused but not really in the mood to question anymore, Momo simply nodded and looked back at her phone.

She misses her girlfriend and the 6 long months that she hadn’t seen Y/N, was really starting to take a toll on her. Nonetheless, after trying to call her multiple times with no success, Momo simply sent her girlfriend a text message.

To : baby jokbal 🐽 [7:31pm]

where are you? 😢

To : baby jokbal 🐽 [7:31pm]

i havent heard your voice the whole day and i feel like i want to cry so please call me back

To : baby jokbal 🐽 [7:32pm]

i love you, miss you and i hope you’re safe 💖

Sighing, Momo put her phone away as she leaned her head back against the head rest before she felt a pair of hands covering her eyes and a familiar voice talking to her.

“I don’t have to call you back because I’m already here, jagiya.”

This caused Momo to gasp in surprise before she stood up instantaneously, looked at her girlfriend who was grinning excitedly at her but for some reason, Momo couldn’t reciprocate the same way.

“Y/N?? What are you doing here??” Momo asked worriedly, making her way in front of her girlfriend before she dragged her away from any doors so no one could barge in on them.

Confused by the cold welcome, Y/N simply brushed it aside and chuckled, “To surprise you, of course!” She giggled warmly before adding, “I missed you and a friend had a spare ticket so I flew over-“

“Why didn’t you discuss it with me first??” Momo questioned, her tone harsh and her lips frowning before she added, “What if someone had taken a photo of you at the airport and it went viral??”

Still trying her best to stay optimistic, Y/N placed her hands on Momo’s arms while saying, “Honey, I made sure no one-“

“How sure can you be???” Momo hissed, shrugging off her girlfriend’s hands from her arms before she huffed, “Why couldn’t you just wait for me back home??”

“Momo-“

“Don’t you know what damage you could’ve done if someone caught us together because of your stupid surprise?!”

Suddenly, the room went pin-drop silent with the sounds of the air-conditioner being the loudest sound there is. The warmth that Y/N was feeling, disappeared as quickly as her smile on her lips. Instead, it was replaced with disappointment and a slight anger.

Y/N looked at her girlfriend with disbelief, her brows creased and her lips finally frowning. Did she really just hear that? After all she did, this is what she got in return? No ‘hi, how are you?’ or maybe, ‘hi, i’m happy to see you’?

“A stupid surprise?” Y/N choked out, her voice weak as she wistfully questioned, “This is a stupid surprise for you? I didn’t sleep and eat just so I could catch the flight to get here and all I get is ‘this is a stupid surprise’? Wow - just wow. So much for a welcome, babe.”

Momo finally processed the words that she had said but that sense of fear she had over the word of mouth, was still overwhelming her. Her eyes had gotten glossy but her eye contact with her girlfriend remained as she replied, “You know how much trouble I went through when I got caught before and I told you that people took photos at times we least expect it-“

“Momo, did you really think I was that careless??” Y/N contended, her tone slightly harsh as she added, “Do you really think that I would be that clumsy for someone to take a photo of me??”

“They could’ve!” Momo challenged, her voice raising.

Y/N took a step back and retorted angrily, “But they didn’t!” She pointed out, her own eyes slowly started to go glossy as she added, “I’m not stupid, Momo! I’ve been dating you for a year, I know what to avoid!”

“We can’t be too sure, Y/N!” Momo rasped out, her tears finally falling before she added, “What happens when they find out about us?? What’s going to happen to us then?? Do you know what they’ll to couples like us?? They’ll rip us apart!”

“Fine, then tell me to leave and I’ll go!” Y/N wept loudly, her tears falling freely as she sniffled, “Just... I’ll book the first flight home-“

“Y/N, I don’t mean it that way-“

“I’ll just book the first flight out tomorrow morning, okay?,” Y/N croacked out, breaking their gaze as she looked down at the floor before whispering, “I shouldn’t have caused such a burden to you.”

“Y/N, you’re not a burden,” Momo sobbed out softly, trying to get closer to her girlfriend but was heartbroken when Y/N took a step back instead. “Jagiya, just understand where I’m coming from; I’m doing this for us.”

At this point, Y/N was emotionally exhausted after having no rest in her system and her entire body was just numb. She understood where Momo came from and she wouldn’t want to wish any of this on anyone but she began to question certain things.

She didn’t want to let Momo go and she understood that Momo just didn’t want her personal relationships to be exposed but at the same time, the selfish part of Y/N, just wanted to be with her girlfriend without having the fear of getting pictures taken because some people can’t accept that idols are still human beings who craves human affection.

She released a shaky breath and nodded weakly while whispering, “I don’t know if there is an ‘us’ anymore, Momo.”

This caused Momo to sob loudly as she took a small step closer while crying out, “No, no, no, no- baby, don’t say that; tell me you don’t mean that!”

Before Y/N could reply, the door suddenly barged open and the laughters of the other girls suddenly went silent as the 8 of them sensed the tense atmosphere in the room.

The 8 of them looked at each other before Jihyo glanced at the couple and realized that the both of them were heaving while their eyes were actually leaving tears.

“Guys, what’s going on here?” Jihyo questioned gently, taking a few steps closer to the couple before she continued, “What happened?”

Taking in a deep breath, Y/N wiped her tears and forced a smile as she looked at Jihyo and rasped out, “Thank you for all the help but I think I should go back to the hotel and let you girls perform without any distraction.”

Momo then grabbed her girlfriend’s hands and pleaded, “Y/N, don’t do this, please!”

Holding back her tears and trying to avoid a bigger scene, Y/N placed a teary kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead before she whispered, “Have a good performance, Momo-ya; I know you’ll do well like always.”

Y/N immediately but gently removed Momo’s grasp on her before she quickly made her way out while her girlfriend constantly calls out her name. The moment the door was pulled shut, the 8 girls immediately made their way to Momo and comforted her as she continued to cry.

“What happened, Momo-ya?” Jeongyeon asked her roommate, sad that she had to see her in this kind of state.

“Do I have to kill her??” Nayeon asked angrily as she added, “Wasn’t she supposed to surprise you??”

Jihyo then hushed the both of them before calmly saying, “Guys, let Momo explain to us what happened first before we jump to conclusions.”

“Momo-ya... what happened?” Sana asked gently as she wrapped an arm around her fellow Japanese before she continued, “Weren’t you happy to see her?”

Sobbing, Momo nodded while saying, “Of course I was excited to see her but— but I was scared, okay!”

Furrowing her brows with confusion, Jeongyeon asked, “Scared about what?”

Momo then looked at her roommate with red eyes as she said, “Scared that someone will catch us! That someone will send those photos to Dispatch and I’d go through this stupid internet bullying all over again!”

The moment the Japanese girl admitted her fears, the rest of the girls looked at each other as they knew exactly where Momo was coming from. This wasn’t Momo’s first relationship but it was the first one where it was involving 2 girls and if her first relationship with a man caused so much chaos— they can’t imagine what’ll the netizen do to her when they find out that she’s dating a girl.

However, the leader of Twice then chimed in, “As much as I understand where your coming from, Momo-ya, don’t push Y/N away because of your fears,” Jihyo reasoned gently as she then added, “A relationship is a two-way street and I’m sure your girlfriend understands the consequences of dating an idol but she did go through all this trouble to surprise you; she even took the dawn flight here because it was the only flight available.”

“It’s true, Momo-ya...” Sana quietly added as she continued with, “I had a spare ticket and decided to-“

“You were the one who gave her the spare ticket???”

“Only because she missed you and you missed her too!” The other Japanese fired back before she reminded, “Have you forgotten the amount of nights where you cried to me because you missed Y/N so much??”

“Sana-ya, you should’ve at least discussed with me first!” Momo replied before she added, “It could’ve taken a disastrous turn-“

“But it didn’t, right??” Sana challenged as she pointed out, “The rest of the girls may not be brave enough to tell you this but I do so here goes; try to be grateful for the fact that your girlfriend flew all the way here with no sleep, just to surprise the girlfriend who she hasn’t seen for the past 6 months.”

Sensing the tension increasing, Dahyun chuckled awkwardly before she quietly chimed, “Sana unnie..” She pleaded quietly before she grabbed the older girl by the arm and said, “That’s enough..”

“No! She needs to understand what she just did to the person she loves!” Sana pointed out while shrugging Dahyun’s hands off and looked at her best friend before saying, “You want my honest opinion, Momo-ya? Yeah, I understand where you’re coming from but it is no reason for you to treat Y/N this way after all she did for you; that girl deserves to be loved the way she loves you and if you can’t provide that... then, you know what I’m going to say.”

With that said, Sana then turned around as she walked away before the rest of the girls sympathetically looked at Momo who was sobbing slightly before Jeongyeon placed a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulders while saying, “We all love you— we are always here for you... but Sana does have a point, Momo-ya.”

“Alright, girls— let’s talk about this later. We have a performance to think about.” Jihyo reminded as she glanced at Momo and advised, “Try your best to distract yourself for the time being.. you can see Y/N straight after the performance and talk things through.”

As the girls slowly dispersed, Nayeon stayed with Momo as she wrapped an arm around her shoulder before the latter looked at the older girl and asked, “Unnie, what do I do?”

“I understand why you’re scared— if it was me, I would probably react the same way but at the same time.. if I was Y/N, I’d be hurt too,” Nayeon admitted gently before she continued, “My best advice is to talk to her slowly and... see where it goes.”

For some reason, this made Momo’s heart ache. She had a sudden rush of reminder of all the words she had said to her girlfriend and she felt so helpless. Looking at Nayeon with the same teary eyes, Momo released a shaky sigh while she contemplates her next words.

“What if there’s no where to go anymore, unnie?”

xoxo

Momo knew that even if she wasn’t in the right state of mind, the show must go on. This was her job and she had expectations to fulfill. That being said, it didn’t lessen the pain in any way whatsoever.

Truth be told, there were many times where she could’ve just cried openly and be as obvious as she can but she knew it wouldn’t help her at all. So, as perseverance were one of the things she learned through her trainee days— she held on as long as she could.

The only time she’d shed a tear is when the group had won an award and they were doing their speech because to any unknown eye, Momo would just look like she was crying of joy.

But the act of deceit needed to come to an end somehow so the moment their performance was done and the ceremony was concluded, Momo immediately replaced her stage costume with the clothes that Y/N had brought earlier which initially triggered her even more.

Thankfully, her managers found out where Y/N was staying at and immediately drove Momo there. Now, finding the room number was the hard part.

Legally, hotels aren’t allowed to give out room numbers or keys without the consent of the customer or with a plausible cause but with Momo knowing Y/N’s full name and showed necessary proof of her connection with the latter, the Japanese got the room number at last.

Momo then asked her managers to wait at the lobby as she went up to the said room. Her heart racing, her body getting increasingly warmer, Momo was nervous and an absolute mess.

‘119.’

The Japanese could only stare at the room number— staying stagnant and not knowing the next move; the right move, at least. She knew that her girlfriend was more hurt than she was angry but that just meant that there was more things to solve on Momo’s part.

She wasn’t necessarily the best problem solver there is but this was her girlfriend; the same girlfriend who has been there for her through her absolute worst and she can’t imagine a life without her.

Taking a deep breath, Momo finally raised her hands and knocked on the door as she prayed that her girlfriend was still awake.

After getting no response for the first few knocks, Momo tried again by pressing the doorbell, following with a few more series of knocks before the door was slowly swung open— revealing a red eyed Y/N who was already dressed in her pajamas.

“Momo?” Y/N whispered rhetorically before she continued, “What are you doing here so late? You should go home and res-“

Momo, her heart immediately reacting to the sight of her broken girlfriend, shed a silent tear as she took a step forward towards Y/N while asking, “Are you really leaving tomorrow? Please tell me you’re not.”

Y/N was weak for her girlfriend— it was just a given when it came to this relationship so when Momo held her by the hands, she was frozen still. Noticing the tears leaving her girlfriend’s eyes, Y/N nodded and weakly said, “....I am. I managed to get a flight back tomorrow morning.”

Saddened by the revelation, Momo moved her hands to her girlfriend’s waist and it hurt her when she could feel Y/N stiffening at the touch before she pleaded, “Please don’t go back.. I’m sorry for what I’ve said to you just please— stay with me.”

“You wanted this, didn’t you?” Y/N reminded, her voice gentle but her tone bitter as she added, “I’m doing this for you, Momo-ya-“

“I’m sorry, okay!” Momo intervened, taking a step closer towards Y/N as she justified, “I’m just scared that— that I’ll lose you if they find out about us.”

Immediately cupping her girlfriend’s face, Y/N released a shaky breath as she whispered reassuringly, “I will never do that you; I will never leave you because someone doesn’t like us together.”

“My previous relationships told me the same thing, Y/N,” The Japanese recalled sadly as she continued, “But when the stress got to them, they took off— just like that.”

Y/N sighed but she understood where Momo’s insecurities were from. She’s heard the whole story and she too, would not want anyone to go through what her girlfriend had went through.

Pulling away slightly, Y/N then grabbed Momo’s hand before she pulled her inside the room, closing the door in the process, as the couple sat on the bed. They both faced each other as Y/N then held the hands of the Japanese as she gently said, “Look, I’m sorry that the idiots before me hurt you with the way that they did, and I can’t promise you that I won’t hurt you in any way but... I can promise you that I will not leave because of someone’s disapproval.”

Scooting closer to her girlfriend, Y/N then softly added, “I’m sorry that I didn’t think this through... I knew how scared you are with all of this and I should’ve at least planned it a little better.” She then raised her right hand before cupping Momo’s cheek and admitted, “.... But I just wanted to be with my girlfriend tonight and watch her perform; I know that sounds selfish but I did make sure that no one tailed me— baby, you have to have a little bit more faith in me. I would never risk your career like that.”

The teary eyes of the Japanese girl spoke volumes as she wrapped her arms around Y/N’s shoulder while she burrowed her head in the nook of the latter’s neck before saying, “I’m sorry... I should’ve just appreciated the fact that you were there when I needed you the most.”

“Speaking of which, the girls told me that you’ve been having a bad week lately... Wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Momo tightened her grip as she shook her head and said, “Let’s talk about it tomorrow while we go on a date; the managers gave me a day to spend with you. Now, I just want to cuddle and fall asleep in your arms again.”

Without further ado, the couple got ready for bed as Momo shamelessly used Y/N’s clothes as her pajamas before the two of them laid in bed and instinctively faced each other, like how they always do whenever they’re together.

“You’re still so pretty after 6 months of not seeing each other,” Momo whispered as she continued, “You’re still the same person I love— and I’m really sorry for what happened-“

“It’s okay, jagi, we’re over that— I promise. As long as we’re okay and solved the issue, that’s all that matters.”

Comfortable silence then took over them as they just gazed at each other with pure love and affection. Y/N then placed her arm around Momo’s waist as a small smile formed on both of their lips.

Leaning closer to her girlfriend, Momo then raised one of her hands before she placed them on Y/N’s cheek, gently caressing it as she muttered, “Hey, Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“It’s you and me against the world, right?”

This made Y/N smile widely as she nodded before leaning forward, connecting their lips gently while the subtle fragrant of mint fill their noses. She then pulled away slightly and kissed the tip of Momo’s nose before she gazed into the eyes of her beautiful girlfriend— so sure of the words she was going to say next.

“Yes, baby— it’s you and me against the world.”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 264: You Either Die a Hero...

Previously on BnHA: The kids of 1-A sat around waiting for something exciting to happen, and then it did happen, and they were all “!!” Over on the front lines, the heroes charged the Ol’ Villain Hotel with poor Kaminari crying the entire time, but we’ll excuse him since he is only in the second grade. Tokoyami gave him some gentle encouragement by reminding him of how hard he can slappa da bass, while Midnight told him to think of his one true love in order to find his inner courage, so he immediately thought of Jirou and everyone was like WHOA DID THEY REALLY JUST, and yeah, they kind of did? Anyway so Cementoss ripped the building open and Kaminari got all Thor on us and started battling this other electric guy, and then we cut to Hawks and Twice, who were having a friendly conversation similar to the friendly conversation Hawks had with Best Jeanist on the very same day that Jeanist abruptly went missing and was never heard from again! Hey, wait a second. You guys don’t suppose...??

Today on BnHA: Re-Destro gathers in the basement with all his followers and they’re all like “Re-Destro!!” and he’s all “what??” and they’re all “the heroes are attacking!!” and he’s all “:) :) :) the fuck??!” Outside, the heroes continue to wreak havoc, and between Edgeshot, Midnight, Honenuki and Toadette, I’m pretty sure they have actually killed some of these guys. But that’s silly though because heroes would never actually kill someone. Speaking of heroes not killing someone, back in the hotel, Hawks is all “(Ò‸Ó)” and Twice is all “(இ‸இ)” and then Hawks is all “I’m gonna arrest you but I’ll help you get through this and get back on your feet again afterwards because you’re a good person” and Twice is all “WHAT THE FUCK NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN” and does the whole Sad Man Parade thing. And Hawks is all “I don’t want to fight you!” and Twice is all “TOO BAD” and meanwhile Dabi is running up the stairs all “time to start some shit” and then the chapter ends. So while I’m relieved on behalf of Hawks’s soul, I can’t help but be a little concerned on behalf of his, uh, life. Shit.

okay, so! I finally have time to read this damn thing. but before I start, a couple of holdover thoughts from the prior chapter!

firstly, I want to go on the record now and say that I’ve decided once again that Hawks, in spite of all appearances, is not a murderer. you hear that Hawks. I’m putting my neck on the line for you. gonna look like a real stooge if you go and murder Twice before going on to fight Dabi to the death while we cut to Noumu!Jeanist taunting Bakugou

but in all seriousness, I just can’t reconcile it with what we know of Hawks’s character. his behavior during the fight against Hood almost got him exposed because he couldn’t bear to let anyone get hurt or to let Endeavor get killed. I know the HPSC got their claws in him at a young age, but in spite of that I don’t think he’s harboring a dark side. to me he always just comes off as tired and struggling to do the right thing even though he never asked to be put into this kind of position. he’s smart enough to understand the whole “needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” thing, but he’s also young enough to still hold to a certain idealism, and juuust cocky enough to have faith in his own cleverness and convince himself that he can somehow achieve this mission without sacrificing anyone else’s life

so in short, I don’t buy the dark!Hawks theories. I just can’t. but I guess we’re about to see! and my guess is that Horikoshi will probably have Dabi interrupt before Hawks can reveal his hand either way, because Horikoshi is just like that. what a troll

(ETA: I forgot that sometimes Horikoshi also likes to troll by giving you exactly what you want but in the most painful way possible. shit.)

now, moving on, the other thing I wanted to quickly address is Viz’s translation of this very important line from last week! so as a reminder, here is readheroaca’s version

and here is Caleb’s

I’m actually really glad I’ve been reading the fan translations first, because it made me more aware of the potential nuances in this scene. so is KamiJirou actually being confirmed here, or not?? and I spent 20 whole minutes digging into this more the other day because I have no life, so here are my findings!

first, here is the actual Japanese panel

and while I don’t speak Japanese, I can read hiragana well enough that I was able to plug it into a couple of translators to basically figure out what was being said. so here’s the full dialogue:

どこかの誰かじゃ

難しいなら --

今一番大事なものを

心に据えな

so the part in bold there is the line in question -- 大事なもの (daijina mono). “daiji” means “precious” or “important”, but the thing is, “mono” for whatever reason is written in hiragana and not kanji. and the word mono (which can be singular or plural btw) can hilariously mean either of the following depending on the kanji used:

lmao. so basically the bottom line is that from what I can see here, Horikoshi purposely didn’t specify! now I could be completely wrong; maybe this is a common enough expression that Caleb felt comfortable deciding that he meant “person.” or maybe he just guessed based on the context. or maybe he just said “fuck it, you only live once” and just went there because why the heck not

anyway, so that was fun, and for me it reinforced the fact that I really do prefer to have at least two different translations to compare in order to get the most complete picture of what exactly is going on here in this stupid manga that I obsess over week after week! so now let’s finally get to reading this thing

oh my

I have so many thoughts whirling around in my head right now, such as “oh my god look at all these secret entrances/exits the villains apparently had” and “wow the heroes are so thorough” and such, but ngl, right now the biggest one is “why are they all entering so slowly??” seriously though. let’s just gradually meander on in single-file. no rush. meanwhile 800m northwest and 1 km east, Cementoss is literally tearing the building in half and the other heroes are charging full speed all “ARGGHHHHH.” and over in Jakku, Miruko kicked a door open so hard it killed a guy. but we’ve all got our own styles I guess??

at least this one guy 800m north of the hideout is doing some doorbusting. sheesh. be more exciting please

oh hey it’s this place

behold. the great realm and dwarf city of Dwarrowdelf. well there’s an eye-opener and no mistake

LMAO THESE GUYS DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING YET OMG

oh my god. first of all wtf is that shirt. and second of all oh my fucking god, let me just shut up and read this is amazing

SDKLFJLSJK

LMAO

oh man. Re-Destro is one of the few characters whom I really want to see die. come on Horikoshi. don’t be a fucking coward. he’s had it coming ever since he killed that little mouse. and let’s not forget Giran. JUSTICE FOR GIRAN

oh we’re actually cutting back to this fight!

I wasn’t sure if we would! shounen authors have this habit of showing the start of a really cool battle only to then cut away to a bunch of other stuff and leave us hanging for a dozen chapters, so yeah. of course, that may still happen. I’m just lucky that I’m invested in virtually every single thing that’s going on right now, so it’s a win-win for me no matter where we cut to next

(ETA: lmao there really wasn’t much more to this fight to speak of. but what do you want to bet Horikoshi will try to pull this shit with Dabi and Hawks next week though.)

holy shit

this looks like when I attempt to build a gingerbread house. that’s uncanny

lmao Kami

YOU’RE DOING GREAT BUDDY. KEEP IT UP CHAMP

(ETA: Kaminari’s ridiculous smiling face is the balm we all need in these troubled times. tempted to ask him if he wouldn’t mind heading up to that telenovela happening over in Twice’s room and telling them all to lighten the fuck up.)

Lefty is all “does he have an absorption quirk?” because apparently he’s one of the two people that never watched the U.A. Sports Festival? how does anyone in this day and age manage to come across one of the 1-A kids and not know what their quirks are. and you’re a fucking general or whatever too, aren’t you? god you suck

so now he’s all “I BET YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO HANDLE... A FEW MILLION VOLTS” jesus christ. I bet you he can! but still, that’s awfully murdery of you. and to think, he’s on your side!! Kaminari are you really sure you want these guys as your friends

YOOOOOOO FUCKING KAKASHI ALL UP IN HERE DOING HIS HUMAN YONDU ARROW THING WHAAAAT

straight up prepared to be massively disappointed in Viz when they inevitably translate the “Ninpo” part instead of leaving it alone and letting everyone bask in these sentimental Naruto vibes. and also ngl I prefer for Edge’s lines to be as close to the original as possible so I can better imagine them in my head. stupid sexy Edgeshot

holy shit “I’ve pierced a small hole in each of your lungs” !!? WELL ALL RIGHT THEN, YOU SADISTIC WARRIOR OF THE NIGHT. YOU HEARD HIM BOYS. I’M SORRY, BUT HE’S ALL OUT OF FUCKS TODAY

OH HEY Y’ALL, MIDNIGHT HEARD YOU WERE KICKING ASS AND DECIDED TO JOIN IN, HOPE THAT’S ALL RIGHT

and if it’s not all right, well. tough

can you imagine. you’re just a simple villain, chilling out in your Hilton Garden Inn HQ and minding your own business when all of a sudden the walls come to life and some fucking shinobu busts a small hole in your lungs, and then you just fall asleep. sometimes life comes at you hard

now Kamui Woods is doing his whole Lacquered Chain Prison thing, but we’ve already seen that one so I’m not gonna bother showing it! tough break Kamui!!

OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS

HALF OF THESE PEOPLE ARE ALREADY UNCONSCIOUS WITH HOLES IN THEIR LUNGS, SO SURE, HONENUKI, LET’S GO AHEAD AND FUCKING DROWN THEM TOO LMAO

LOOOOOOL OH CHRIST

CLASS 1-B WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE!!!

LMAO AND NOW SHE’S STANDING WITH HER ARMS UP OVER HER HEAD ALL SMILING LIKE ERI AT THE FUCKING CONCERT. A COLD GOD IN AN UNCARING UNIVERSE. WHAT THE FUCK

oh shit everybody shut up we’re cutting back to Hawks!!

but you pulled it off because you’re so damn smart. so now let’s stand around and explain your plan to everyone. what the fuck, Hawks

(ETA: and the thing is, now I’m thinking that by “incredibly difficult” he doesn’t mean that it was the cipher part that was difficult lol. that part was child’s play. any simpleton could do that. no, the difficult part was betraying his new friend. anyway so how’s everyone doing? what a fun chapter!!)

hey everyone I still have unwavering faith that this man is not a killer just FYI

what does that say about me I wonder. let’s just completely ignore everything being presented on screen here. also what the heck happened to all this furniture? did he upend the entire room with his crazy feather attack, or is that damage from Cementoss’s shenanigans?

HAHA!! FUCK YEAH

I KNEW YOU WEREN’T A KILLER YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!!

fuck yeah. of course, I realize that by betraying Twice so harshly like this, Hawks has still found himself on lots of people’s shitlists. but I would just like to put out a friendly reminder that Twice, despite being the nicest and most loyal guy you will ever meet, is still a terrorist who was going to kill a lot of people because he’s friends with a guy who wants to destroy the entire world. so basically there’s just no clean way out of this and it’s all very tragic

but anyway if it’s any consolation, I fully expect Dabi to turn up in the very next panel and be all “BLARGH! IT’S ME!” before we commence with the single sexiest battle in this manga to date

lmao Horikoshi. “but before we get to the sexy battle let me just twist that knife up in there real good!” jesus

friendly reminder that despite all appearances, Hawks is still objectively the good guy in this scenario. anyways for real, how are we all doing this afternoon. how many death threats has my bird son gotten today. I’m afraid to check. poor Twice is so trusting and I really hate to see him cry like this, poor baby. but I’m sure it’s also tearing Hawks up inside as well but we’re just not seeing it

and here we have Hawks, about to unleash his Mangekyou Sharingan

“are you sure you don’t think this sinister maniac looming in the shadows with the deranged look in his eyes is a ruthless killer, makeste?? are you really sure?” Horikoshi asks while pouring every last inch of malice he can into a single chilling panel

and yes, you bastard. I am sure. fuck you, how long are you going to make me sit here looking like a complete ass. look, we get it!! either way, Hawks is clearly a compelling actor! but the question is, which one is really the false face? is it the smiling, easygoing Hawks who always seems to have a faint hint of sadness in his eyes? or is it this menacing figure stripped of all mercy? is it really so crazy to go ahead and say that it’s the latter? huh?? [pokes Horikoshi in the chest] huh?????

anyway so Twice seems to slowly be progressing his way from despair to anger, which is probably not good. heh. fuck

maybe I was wrong about Dabi showing up and saving Twice, maybe his arrival will actually save Hawks instead lmao

anyway Hawks is still being all cold and creepy, and he’s all “you have my thanks.” and Twice is still crying, so maybe he’s still more sad than angry. well this is starting to drag out now though so if a certain spicy flame boi wants to make his grand entrance now, he’s welcome to do so anytime

oh shit Hawks is throwing me a bone!!! yessssss

YOU SEE!! THE SAD LOOK. HE DOESN’T WANT TO DO THIS. HE’S A GOOD BOY. oh my god I just realized how tense I was. hahaha what is this chapter

FINALLY OMG

NOOOOO I THOUGHT IT WAS DABI SNEAKING UP BEHIND HIM. OH MY GOD I CAN’T. WAS THIS HORROR MOVIE SERIAL KILLER ANGLE REALLY NECESSARY THEN, HORIKOSHI. WHAT THE FUCK

TWICE SHUT UP YOU ARE DIGGING YOUR OWN GRAVE!!!

fuck!!! this is why I was so sure he was going to die! because he won’t go quietly; he’s not the type to ever betray his friends. to him the League are basically the only family he’s ever known, so of course he’s not going to just be all “okay sure I’ll go to prison and let you reform me”

so then what, Hawks?? you didn’t fucking think this through you stupid kind-hearted punk!

sob!!!!

is that one of Hawks’s feathers slicing open the mask. sing it with me guys. to the tune of Jingle Bells: fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuck fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuck

OH MY GOD NOOOOO

I WEIRDLY WANT TO COVER MY EYES LOL OH GOD. I DON’T WANT THIS BUT I CAN’T LOOK AWAY HELPPPPP

FUCK ME, IT’S REALLY HAPPENING. HE COULDN’T BRING HIMSELF TO KILL HIM AND NOW HE’S SCREWED HIMSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE OVER, FUCK

FOR FUCK’S SAKE HAWKS YOU COULD HAVE JUST KNOCKED HIM OUT THEN!! YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND FUCKING TRY TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF. DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED IN DEIKA CITY, HAWKS. DO WE REALLY WANT A REPEAT OF THAT. SURE, WE’VE GOT CLASS 1-B OUT IN THE BACKYARD MORE THAN READY AND WILLING TO KILL ANY NUMBER OF BITCHES BECAUSE THAT’S HOW THEY DO, BUT STILL

oh shit!?!

lol excuse me are you really just going to end it there? fucking seriously. Dabi running up the stairs with the crazy eyes while Hawks regretfully thinks of himself and his side as “hero scum”?? fff

and that last part! holy shit! again, I don’t buy into any of the dark!Hawks theories, and that includes the theory that Hawks will turn on the heroes and end up siding with the villains (because, again, it has nothing to do with him liking the villains, or secretly resenting the HPSC; it’s strictly on account of the whole “the villains want to destroy the entire world” thing. like. unless you think Hawks is cool with all of that of course). so I have to admit this was very startling for me to read

but I do think this is probably just some of the inevitable self-loathing finally spilling over after being forced to play this role and do all these things for the sake of the greater good, rather than him hinting at a desire to turn against the so-called “hero scum.” but still, that’s probably as dark as we’re gonna get from him, and ngl, it’s some heavy stuff

goddammit. feel like we need to cut to some wholesome class 1-A antics or something after all of that. as always, angst is a double-edged sword that I always anticipate and love but am also destroyed by sigh

[ickle-ronniekins]

For your writing project about falling in and out of love: I fell in love with a friend (not a close one) I had known for about ten years and I had a crush on him for almost that long, yet I was always too shy to tell him. He was a year older than me and very funny and talented. I remember always laughing really hard at his jokes and when I look back at my favorite moments from high school and middle school (which were some of the darkest years of my life), a lot of them involve him. I always used to always tell myself I couldn’t possibly fall in love with him until after we at least started dating, but there was one day when I watched him perform a song on his acoustic guitar at a concert and it literally felt like we were the only two people in the room, even though it was packed full of people, and that was when I knew I had fallen hard. We were in a few musicals together and were cast as love interests a few times. Though we never kissed or anything for those roles, but I always loved being on stage with him and being able to hold his hand and say all those things that I secretly felt but was too shy to say to him. There were a lot of instances where I accidentally moved towards him during a scene when I was supposed to be standing still or a couple times when I almost kissed him during really charged moments between our characters. I remember once when I held his hand (the first time I did after realizing how I felt about him— there’s a lot of opportunities to hold people’s hands in theater!) I literally felt like fireworks were going off, the same way you feel when you kiss someone.

Part of the reason I never told him was because by the time I got close to working up the nerve, he had a girlfriend. To this day, she was one of the kindest people I have ever known. I didn’t want to disrupt anything because I really cared for them both and wanted them to be happy, even at the expense of my own happiness. I tried to get over him a few times when he was dating her but it was almost impossible whenever we would hang out with our friends, and I always wanted to be his friend if nothing else, so I would bury my feelings. Their relationship really wasn’t the best (they managed to bring out some of the worst aspects of one another) and broke up, but even then I couldn’t feel happy about it because I knew he was hurting and I didn’t want to make a move when I knew he was grieving his relationship. By the time I worked up the nerve again, he started dating a different girl and I felt like my heart had been smashed into a million pieces... but even then, I could seem to get over him. I would get drunk and cry about him at parties and I didn’t believe anyone who told me that I could do better or that I would meet someone better suited for me because it didn’t seem possible... and then the pandemic happened.

The pandemic put a barrier between us and was a very physical sign that made me slowly realize we would never happen as a couple, which was a difficult thing to comprehend. I have always been a romantic and believed in soulmates. By this point in my life, I had convinced myself that he was mine and that it was only a matter of time before we got together, and it was always really easy to slip back into that mindset whenever I saw him again, but with a pandemic disrupting everything, it was easier to actively resolve on getting over him— at first, it was more tabling the idea of getting together in the nearish future but resolving to be with him if things worked out much later in our lives, like in a very rom-comesque way. When I started committing to that, I slowly started to love myself more and realize I had incredibly low self esteem and had overlooked some of his more glaring flaws because I didn’t believe I could find someone who watched my exact standards. I began to understand that we were just also incompatible with one another— for example, I hate being late to the point of showing up incredibly early to things in order to avoid it, whereas he habitually shows up an hour late to just about everything with Starbucks; I always told myself that I could change him, which I know now was an unfair expectation. As time went on and I slowly realized my worth, I also came to realize that even if he were to ever ask me out, my answer would probably be no because I was now just a whole different person who had grown up.

But the falling out of love process was an incredibly painful one. I cried myself to sleep a lot of nights. Like I said, I really thought he was my soulmate and that we were really destined for one another, so when I understood that we weren’t, it made me cynical about the whole concept of love for a while because it felt like everything I had ever known about it wasn’t real and that I had been stupid for being so naïve. I was angry with myself for a while and angry at him, too, because I was hard for me to comprehend that I was falling out of love with someone who hadn’t done anything wrong. I had been so convinced that my love for him was so strong that it would take something monumental, like him suddenly revealing himself to be the antithesis of what I thought he was (ex. a cheater, abusive, racist, etc.) for it to ever shake, yet he hadn’t done anything. He occasionally made some poor decisions (like an ugly tattoo or smoking) but it wasn’t anything regarding his moral character that changed who he was. It was me who was really changing and maturing.

I’ve only seen him once since falling out of love, and there were still those lingering feelings of my teenage self lurking beneath the surface. It really threw me off and I found myself distracted by his hands as he played his guitar and my heart would beat fast when he would talk directly to me or blush, but I was more clear-headed than I have been in a long time, almost clinical. I was able to think through my answers to his questions without stammering them out and I was nowhere near as nervous as I once was around him. Part of it might just be my own growth, but certain things he did that I once would have been swooning over didn’t affect me at all. I was upset when I went home because I wasn’t as far along in my moving-on process as I wanted to be and I definitely cried to some sad songs that night, but in the end I was grateful for it because it felt like a check-in to gauge how far along I really was. Back then, I was still in sort of a “maybe one day” phase; now I’m in a “probably not”. I think there’s still a part of my teenage self inside of me yet that still loves, but every day that goes by, I feel less and less like her and more like an adult.

I still sort of feel cynical about love but the one thing that has helped me is reminding myself that I will fall in love again someday with someone who will love me back and he will be right for me. He’s not going to be a perfect person by any means but we will be more compatible. I know I haven’t met him yet but I am really excited to meet my person, even though for the first time in my life I’m enjoying being single. I’m also loving the person who I have become and all the growth I’ve made— for example, a month ago I would have cried while writing and reminiscing about all this, but I didn’t get teary once! As hard and as agonizing as it was at different points, I’m so glad all of it happened because it made me who I am today.

Sorry for writing an entire novel here, I hope it was useful for what you are writing! Have a wonderful day my lovely, I hope this helps you write whatever wonderful thing you are planning!!!! 💜💜💜

this. this is just about the most beautiful thing i have ever read. oh my goodness gracious.

can i tell you lovely anon, that i could physically feel your growth within every single word? the way you described your friendship with this boy in the beginning... it reminded me of how i felt about a boy when i was a teenager. i was head over heels for him, though i never admitted it to myself until years later, after we stopped talking. your feelings felt so genuine and pure and just about every lovely thing you’d expect from a teenage romance. and as i continued reading on through your story and found myself heartbroken for the both of you, i can see just how much you’ve grown -- not only in the sense of recognizing that he wasn’t the one and letting him go, but also realizing your own worth and what you want out of love.

i felt so deeply every ounce of your heartbreak. i remember the boy i loved was with someone the entire time we were friends. i met him when he was in a relationship and we stopped talking just a few months after they had broken up. they were together for years, and i loved him every single second of every single day. that was over ten years ago now. sometimes i think of him and wonder how i’d feel if i ever saw him again. sometimes i feel like a sixteen year old again when he creeps into my thoughts. the nerves sometimes trickle back too, but he’s married now. i didn’t realize it until after we had stopped talking, but i so desperately wanted to be with him, and i was broken for years afterwards realizing we never would be.

please, do not apologize for writing a novel. this is exactly what i was looking for. thank you for being brave and sharing your story with a complete stranger. i’m just in awe of you as a person and your outlook on love.

i have such a difficult time telling myself that i’ll find the right person and he’ll love me and i won’t have to doubt anything. it’s something i struggle with every single dang day. but your words have moved me. you absolutely will find the right person, and he’ll love you and every single thing about you, and you’ll remember this boy who you loved when you were young and remember why you two never ended up together... because the one you’re meant to be with is getting to you as fast as he possibly can.

UGH THIS IS EVERYTHING. it brought me back to years ago. thank you so very much for sharing. this was just so fucking gorgeous jegnolvadnsf i cannot.

[long-after-love]

Incoherent John-Paul-Yoko (and personal) rant

I wake up and my dash is full of Yoko-related posts. I don't like her because of what she did, but I don't dislike her either because whatever she did was the past and hating her couldn't bring John back - I just disagree with people who whitewash her, and label anyone who ever criticized her racist, sexist, misogynistic etc. Yoko is one Japanese woman - she doesn't represent every single Japanese woman out there. And, mind you, I'm not even a bitter white male. I'm an Asian woman - I'm Vietnamese, I wonder if you guys could point out my country on the map at all. Look at our per capita GDP. I wasn't even born in with half of the privilege some of you folks have, if you want to play that race/gender card against me just to protect Yoko's image.

I respect the fact that John loved her. She was of course, talented and intelligent. But that doesn't mean she is a nice, kind-hearted woman. One thing about John that I am pretty sure of, is that he didn't like harmless people. He was prone to mayhem and disasters, he didn't need a preachy angel by his side. He needed an accomplice.

Now as vocal as JohnandYoko were against the war in Vietnam, we barely knew them. In documentaries I've seen on Vietnamese national TV, we were thankful for Joan Baez. For Jane Fonda. No mention of JohnandYoko. If you find it weird, google it and let that sinks in. JohnandYoko was more of a publicity stunt in the US. Joan Baez and Jane Fonda actually came to Vietnam - it moved Vietnamese people deeply. So that is all I can say about the Peace movement as a Vietnamese person.

And I don't believe Paul and Sean regarding what they say publicly about Yoko.

Sean is Yoko's son - it is only natural that he must protect his mother. Paul is the greatest PR man alive. Beatles is a big business. Every business decision related to Beatles has to go through Yoko and Paul. So, what is Paul supposed to do but to defend Yoko? It's been nearly 40 years since John's death and 50 years after the break up. They are on friendly terms because they need to be. Paul must be EXTREMELY STUPID to say anything bad about Yoko because he would be cancelled in seconds by the mob (same old racist, misogynistic, sexist labeling tactics).

Looking past my posts I realize that I also said unflattering things about Paul, like Paul was manipulative. It's not that I hate him - I read about him, bought his music, saw him in concert. I just refuse to see him through rose-tinted glasses.

Paul and Yoko, by the way, are extremely rich. There's no way they are simple people. You can't make that much money if you are totally truthful, friendly and harmless. Personally I've been in the banking industry for the past 5 years, and held a part time job as a literary translator. I work with pure business people and also creative people - jaded by both sides. I'm not the most insightful analyst here in the fandom, but I found some stuff people wrote incredibly naive because they rarely pay attention to the business side of Beatles.

[jedivszombie]

today is a really shitty and difficult day and i hate it and how it still makes me feel. this is going to be an anxiety fuelled incoherent stream of consciousness about stupid shit. but i need to get it out otherwise it will eat me alive and i’m sick of not being able to process shit and feeling like the heaviest person alive. 

two years ago today my uncle died of cancer, a few months after he got diagnosed with lung cancer (apparently a rare form, but honestly we have no idea). this would be shit in itself because it’s always shit when someone dies and it’s especially shit when it’s a relative. but, as some of you who have known me for a long time/have followed me here for a long time, my relationship with my uncle and my dad’s whole side of the family was/is strained at best. there’s a lot of bullshit i’m sick of regarding how they feel about my mum and how they feel about my dad’s life choices and their weird idea of what a family is. 

before my uncle died i hadn’t seen him since i was 12. in those 11 years, and tbh quite a few of the years before, i was witness to the ways in which he could be extremely selfish and cruel to my parents. when i was growing up he didn’t care too much to learn about me, he preferred to talk to my brother as they could talk about football etc, and we shared awkward interactions until i turned 16 and got into politics where he decided that i was an Adult worthy of conversation. quite a few times as a kid all the way through to being an adult he upset me greatly as he accused us as a family unit of being shitty people and not having a relationship with my grandparents. 

the year he was diagnosed my dad and him had started to patch up their relationship a bit, as dad had work in poland where my uncle was living, and he had said my uncle was changing a little bit. in the july he got diagnosed but he didn’t tell any of the family until the beginning of october/around my birthday - he had his reasons i partially understand but also honestly don’t think i will forgive him for and i hate myself so much for that. my dad and his parents went to visit them around halloween and he was very gaunt and not well at all. 

as soon as we found out he had cancer, in october 3 months after being diagnosed, i knew straight away that it was worse than he was letting on - don’t ask me how i do not know. i also knew that he would die before the end of the year. my dad and his parents were v much in denial when they visited him but the photos of my uncle were crystal clear for me, he looked skeletal and very sick. not even a month later he was dead. he collapsed after a walk with his dogs and his fiance called my dad early in the morning, he went to hospital, by the end of the day they pronounced him dead and he never woke up. my dad got on the first plane to poland but he was too late. 

when my mum called me to say that he was in hospital and that it didn’t look good i completely broke. i then ended up going to a concert with my friend but when i got home mum told me he hadn’t woken up and that dad was staying in poland to help with funeral arrangements. 

i instantly went into older sister/protection mode and let myself like have one night of grief and then tried to make sure i was strong for everyone. this lasted until his we went to the crematorium and the subsequent funeral in poland where i openly sobbed, feeling very guilty and embarrassed because who was i to react this way??

i have felt, and still feel, very mixed emotions not helped by the fact that everyone we met in poland said he talked about us a lot and how he had been wanting more of a relationship with us. i mainly feel guilty for not trying hard enough, for also being an adult and choosing to not pursue a relationship with him on more than a phone call at christmas for my dad’s benefit. i feel guilty for spending a lot of my time cursing him while he was alive and then feeling i had the right to grieve someone i did not know. i feel guilty that i did not know him. i feel angry for feeling like i’m making his death about me. i feel angry that my dad has refused to process any emotion regarding this. i feel angry that he knew what was happening to him and he didn’t try to reach out. i feel angry for not properly processing this ever and just burying it deep with every other fucking thing. 

for me it’s worse that i didn’t know him, what am i mourning? who am i mourning? i feel like i’m mourning the potential of a relationship. he was complicated, i am complicated, and i hate that this has messed me up to this extent. i hate that i never talk about it because i hate bringing people down or feeling like my shit is all i ever talk about. i hate how heavy this has made me feel. i hate how i’m making this about me. i don’t think this is something i will ever be over and i hate that. i have lost people, death is nothing knew to me. but this, this just came along and added to the pile of things i have allowed to destroy me. 

my reaction to what happened to grosjean yesterday was exactly how i reacted to my uncle dying and it colliding with his anniversary just tipped me over the edge. today is a shitty and difficult day and i hate that i’ve been mad at my dad on this day and i hate that i don’t give myself a break and i hate how much this all is making me hate myself. 

[itchyboogers]

hello comrades

my name is grace. i'm gonna be honest right now, not sure exactly what this post is. just because i can't function without order, i'm gonna make a list of reasons why i'm sharing my story:

to spread awareness

because i need an outlet

many of my friends suggested i share this

simply to entertain whoever might take a look at it

just in case, because of my paranoia, i’m saying right now i don’t want any witch hunt. i feel like saying this is really reaching in terms of how many people are gonna read this, but my concern insists. this is gonna be a long article, so i’m putting the little “read more” thingamabob right here. 

trigger warning, for like, everything

about me; prologue?

as you saw above, my name is grace. i’m 19, and this is a very personal experience that i’ve gone through. first, let me introduce everything that’s wrong with me. i have high-functioning autism, and throughout my life my autism has been the root of my downfall. ever since 2nd grade i’ve gotten the short end of the stick. you always hear about prodigy kids whose grades and social lives falter as the years pass, i am 100% one of them. this story isn’t necessarily about me, but i’ve been through some shit, son. 

i have a family that is more supportive than i could ever ask for, i’m not gonna lie and say that my at-home life was miserable - because home was my safe place, and public school was where i fought my battles. i was a very eccentric kid and while my autism has limited me, it has also given me the ability to think outside of the box, blah blah blah so i’m grateful for it as well. 

by the time i got to 6th grade, things went way more south than i thought they could go. i was a bit of an edgelord back then so i was skipping 4th period with my friend in the locker room. we’re dicking around, looking in lockers, climbing the stalls, being stupid kids. somewhere along the line we jump into the topic of sexuality, and she tells me she thinks she might be bi. i said that wouldn’t change anything about us, and that i might not like boys at all. 

she told me about her parents not agreeing with the whole gay thing and she wasn’t even close to thinking of coming out of the closet because her parents would disown her. real fucked up, but it happened back then still quite frequently. i promised her i wouldn’t tell anybody and that i wouldn’t even think about outing her to anyone, and we gave each other a cute little friend hug, it was cute.

about 3 days later on the weekend, we’re texting and a small argument boils between us and another friend in a group chat. it starts to become a bigger argument, because kids are stupid and dramatic, and i definitely was. she ended up kicking me out of the group chat and i cried myself to sleep (i know lmao). i went to school on monday and i immediately get called into the principal’s office, regarding sexual assault claims. she lied and told the school faculty that i tried to touch her inappropriately during that time we skipped class in the locker room. she also got her friends to tell everybody.

long story short i became severely depressed, gained weight, got my head shoved in a toilet filled with piss by some 8th graders friends with that girl’s older sister, and started self-harming to suppress my urge to hurt other people. my meds got switched around (it’s why i gained weight) and i ended up switching schools because a public school had an IEP i think it was called? anyway

blah blah blah countless school stories and misfortunes blah blah blah crohn’s disease blah blah blah ambulance sent to the school all that jazz. it’s gonna hurt too much if i talk about PRLC, but basically there was a low-funded school for kids who wanted a second chance due to disability, drugs, ect. it was out at a wildlife preservation park with all sorts of animals, i met my best friends there, became the person i am today, ect. but staff changes ended up changing the school for the worse and eventually i got dismissed.

very long depression period, i got kicked out from the school i used to call a second home back in 2018 and this cycle hasn’t ended yet, to this day. i’m hoping writing this will give me some closure or something, because writing about my misfortunes online has sent me opportunities in the past. i am not a perfect person, i never have been, and i can still name many things about my psyche and outlook on life that i’d like to someday change.

the main course

this is where i start talking about somebody that i won’t mention by name, but i’ll call him music boy for convenience. in december of last year i got to see my favorite band live for the second time, the first being april of 2018. i love this band with all my heart, and i’m not going to mention them by name. but after the concert i was going through some heavy post-concert sadness, and i wanted to share my love and appreciation so i find a semi-active discord server dedicated to said band, and i join. i make some friends and acquaintances over a span of 2-3 months.

marijuana got legalized in my state this year, something i had been anticipating for a long time, ergo from january 2020 to the beginning of april 2020, i was in a constant state of stoned off my ass. nobody saw sober grace until the late days of april. i was not in any way able to make proper decisions regarding, say, a relationship. and it was really obvious that i was high, nobody would have thought otherwise.

after i get home from a birthday vacation to arizona on february 2nd, i start going in the voice chats for the server. i would say in the general chat something along the lines of “sick, i’m super baked i’m gonna go bother the voice chat” and i end up in a group chat consisting of most of the server members that are “of age” (so not too many). at this point i’m barely aware i’m making friends, but one person in the group i really happened to resonate with. her name is Christina, and she’s to this day my number 1 mom friend and goblin sibling. <3

i meet a handful of more people in the group chat (we called it the “after hours”) and we have a lot of fun doing different activities over discord. for example we all decided to sign up for club penguin online (which is now proven to be run by a predator, i believe) and we all battled each other in card-jitsu. or i would share my screen as i went on Omegle and did goofy high shit on there and met people under the “memes” or “weed” tags. 

in this after hours group chat, one of the active members was music boy. he was the owner of the server dedicated to the band i love. why music boy? because he wants desperately to become a famous musician. there’s something about music boy that’s... ‘different’. i don’t know if anyone knows what i mean when i say, his energy was awry. the best way to describe music boy is kind of mean, but it’s the only way i’m able to express how this guy is as a person. i can best describe him by saying he expects his life to play out as a WattPad fanfiction, him being the main character. 

just so you get the main point, this one time i was on Omegle dicking around ha ha funny random people, but music boy was silent. he then typed in the chat that he was gonna go on Omegle himself and do something painfully unfunny, he said he was gonna get his guitar and use that as a prop to “vibe check” people on the website. it wasn’t funny but everybody (me included) was sort of brainwashed into thinking he could do no wrong. don’t know how he got me to laugh at that, especially with his delivery of the joke. 

yet, he didn’t want to “vibe check” people, i know that now - he just couldn’t stand when he wasn’t the center of attention. so he left and told a mod, who was also in the group chat, to join the server voice chat with him. and he announced that he was streaming himself vibe checking people on Omegle. the iffy part about that is that the entire reason he made the after hours chat was to keep NSFW stuff off the server, and it was basically prompted by me streaming myself messing around on Omegle and seeing a lot of (pretty expected) male genitalia. i’m not gonna explain that any further because anybody with a brain can understand why that was a confusing move on his part.

eventually february 14th came by, and i, being as high as i was, decided to send music boy a bunch of goofy valentine’s day cards, like the ones that were popular in 2013. i kept sending them because at the time i thought it was so funny, and i’m a natural flirt when i’m stoned. keep in mind everybody knew they hadn’t seen me sober yet, the joke in the server was basically 'when is grace not high?’ so it was evident that my decision-making process was impaired.

for some reason music boy wanted us to all play DnD, even though half of us didn’t know or give a rat’s ass how to play. i would make stupid jokes, and everybody would laugh, but music boy would exaggerate, he would go ‘oh thats how it is? is that how this is going to be’ or some unfunny shit like that because he thought every single joke or reference that anyone made had something to do with him, because, you know, he is the main character, after all. he eventually made a really embarrassing big deal about him ‘accepting my valentine proposal’ and then he went to bed i guess.

the next day or two is a blur to me, all i remember and know is that Christina knew that he was taking advantage of me always being super high, but she didn’t want to assume anything. like she had always seen me make a joke and then would see music boy turn that joke sexual, even when it was nearly impossible to make a suggestive joke out of what i originally joked about, which to be honest was probably my flawless Sméagol impression. but he would repeat the Gollum voice and say something unfunny that we all laughed at.

basically, if you haven’t caught on, music boy is a major egotistical narcissist that cannot stand having somebody that isn’t him being paid attention to. he told me his “dream” (that's TOTALLY gonna come true, by the way) was to go to a concert of the band the server was dedicated to, but he would show up in a custom made shirt that said “[lead singer of band] IS A THOT” and then the band’s guitarist would point it out and laugh because it’s SO funny and then get the lead singer’s attention, who would pull music boy on stage and challenge him to pehen he would start serenading the crowd and all the girls’ panties would instantly get soaked, all the tabloids would hear about it, and the band would jizz their pants, and he would become an overnight sensation.

here’s where stuff gets dodgy. i’m not claiming this is abuse, because i don’t have experience with abusive relationships, and i’m not in any place to assume that i understand what it’s like to be in one, but my friends have told me that he mentally abused me and took advantage of the state i was in. somewhere along the line he would, in the group call, tell his sob story about how all his friends ghosted him and tried to cancel him because of some sort of misconduct accusation in a previous server, and how i was his savior for putting my trust in him and believing his side of the story and he said some things about becoming a happier person because he met me, and it was all very unnecessarily dramatic and extremely manipulative disregarding if he noticed he was doing it or not.

I.E.

“and... then I met this girl... this really weird girl! then i saw her face, and i thought i loved her, but i found out she only liked girls and i lost all hope but then out of nowhere she sends me valentines cards! and now shes my valentine”

or some really really stupid gay shit like that, it’s the best i can imitate him without gagging or getting sick. then eventually (eventually being equal to ‘within the first week of meeting me’) he hEsiTaNtLy asks me to, like, idk be his e-girlfriend. he knew i was baked to oblivion and wasn’t in a proper state to make up my mind on anything serious but then again am i the main character? 

no. 

music boy is the main character.

if i’m being gut-wrenchingly honest here, i only genuinely liked the idea of being in an e-relationship with music boy for a day or a day and a half. the entire time i was just stoned out of my mind and not thinking as i normally do, i was nonchalant until april fools day when all hell broke loose in the server. on a live stream, the lead singer of the band made a suggestion that he was in the server that music boy made. and dear God, you would have thought it was the second coming of Christ by the way music boy reacted to it. 

he was being unbelievably hyper, even for someone with ADHD. he was hauling his uncanny-valley looking forcibly ripped body around his room like a genetically mutated spider monkey, banging his head against his bed, stopping mid-sentence to play a quirky chord on his handy dandy acoustic guitar while he looked in the webcam and made a quirky blank face. it was like watching a six y/o meet Iron Man, even though there was nothing really to be too elated about. 

he made an emoji for it and everything, he even posted on the “Official [band name] Discord Server”’s instagram account, but it was just a video of him, and the thumbnail was his goofy ass face, the whole video was just music boy saying unfunny shit trying to lowkey promote the server while flexing at the same time, something like [lead singer] we know you’re here!! you are welcome here my lord idk lmfaooo

but at this point i was becoming too sober to stand by silently and watch this moron suck his own toes, i wasn’t gonna act like his music was good and i wasn’t gonna act like he was gonna become a superstar without question. the breaking point was mostly when he almost came his pants and cried when the lead singer allegedly joined his server, but i came close to breaking when i started casually humming in the group call and hes like 

Hold Up 👁️👄👁️ wait you’re so good... why are you so good? you’re like really good and i mean it!! you’re like, almost as good as me! but you know i have YEARS of practice you know haha but you’re like super good!

and then I decided to humor myself by showing him a cover i recorded and the first thing he said after listening to it halfway was “this scares me”, so that was a pretty big warning sign.

blah blah blah i cried for an hour after that then called him again just to break up with him because of my own mental health and he did handle this very well, not bashing him for that. i basically told him no we aren’t taking a break this shindig will no longer continue, like at all, ever and hes like okay cool yknow it hurts but ill get over it, and i really didnt expect that. because, he basically implied that if i left him he would k*ll himself.

i tried to keep the friendship going because i dont like abandoning people, but he slowly started getting distant from me, and the entire server kind of distanced themselves from me too, but at the time i only noticed music boy getting apprehensive with me. keep in mind (i keep saying that, don’t i?) i thought everybody in the server was cool with me making offensive-ish jokes because they had no problem with it during the time i was “with” music boy. then one day i get called out for talking about - i’m not joking - weed. i started ranting about how weed is my medicine and it was kinda silly to get so pissy over the devil’s lettuce but i dont think i made too big of a deal out of what i could have made.

couple days later im talking in the server again. i’m a very blunt person, my humor is very dry and it can tend to go over some people’s heads if they don’t have enough brain cells. i made a joke that i’d already made in the server before about me being r-word because autism and haha funny joke. 

i get kicked out of the server.

at the time i was confused because i had no idea that i even said anything wrong. i messaged music boy a bit passive-aggressively because despite my confusion i still had a vague idea of what was happening. i said something like "was i too edgy" and like 3 minutes later he responds "you were making a lot of dudes uncomfortable”

mcscuse me bietch?

NOBODYYYYY in the general chat had told me that i was making them feel uncomfy whatsoever, and i dont think anything could have implied that anyone was in any way uncomfortable, and with these social situations i’ve explained to everyone in the after hours chat that sometimes i don’t get social cues. i’m autistic!!! it’s a very rare occurrence when i’m able to ‘read the room’. i thought they knew that but they decided to have a private staff meeting and they all agreed it was best to BAN ME from the server. 

the thing is if i had been messaged, if i was let known that people were bitching about me calling myself r******d then i would have definitely complied. i can understand people feeling a bit weird when i make fun of myself using no-no words, and i’m definitely willing to stop saying a certain thing if it genuinely makes somebody feel uneasy. but nobody said anything about it to me. not a single word.

considering the server has gone to a snowflake kingdom since my exit, i’m not too upset about being kicked out. what i am upset about regards him knowing i wasn’t in a proper state to make any decisions. decisions including NSFW decisions that he hinted at for about 5 minutes before i stopped saying ‘ehhh i don’t know if i’m comfortable with this’ and he didn’t have to beg for coochie anymore. i’m honestly lucky because i can’t remember most of what he coaxed me to do, because if i think about it too much it gets traumatic and i start feeling nauseous.

Christina has been in the server just to tell me what new bullshit has been going on in the rules, and the ever-expanding list of things that you aren’t allowed to talk about in the server, we have a good chuckle at it. i got high again about a week ago, and told my friends the audacity of what music boy actually had done to me and we all agreed to go under a vpn and raid the server, because why not, its funny haha goofy joke. we were having the best time and i was about to piss myself laughing when one of my friends name-drops me and the whoooole gig is over. we get kicked out and Christina pretends to act like she had no clue what was going on, so she could stay in and screenshot this:

she didn’t know how badly that term in itself would send me down a long overdue psychotic episode because about a year or two ago, i was getting concerned that i might have anti-social personality disorder, the ‘proper’ term for a diagnosed psychopath. it ended up nonconclusive, so i don’t necessarily believe i have it, but for some reason him calling me that word really fucked me up. but here’s a pretty funny and cringy sequence of things he typed in to get his cult of teenagers to feel bad for him.

don’t go looking for this person, don’t go looking for the band, i’m just sharing my story because maybe somebody could benefit from my experience being told. i’m trying to jump over this long ass hurdle that’s kept me in one place for wayyy too long, i’m hoping that sharing this endeavor could help my psyche, and perhaps push me forward and lead me towards gathering up the courage i’m missing to finally study for and take the GED test, graduate, and put public school and it’s challenges behind me.

if you read this long and want to talk to me about it, by all means, ask questions, make jokes, ask for more goofy ass screenshots of how i’ve made fun of him, more drama queen music boy tales, because we have a handful, trust me. 

i don’t expect anyone to read this or necessarily care about this, but if you’ve come this far, from the bottom of my heart, do not date a musician. and, of course, thank you for reading. but still, don’t date a musician. especially if it’s a man. mega especially x2 if you’ve only known them for less than a week.

add me on roblox i’m user xulue i’m a funny gal and im a pro gamer

stay safe out there, be kind, and for the love of God don’t bring your guitar to the voice channel <3

[astralsweetness]

Sooooo I heard from some little birdies that you went to your first svt concert in Dallas, and was just wondering if you could give us a little rundown of how it (your first concert!) went and any thoughts or things that you noticed?

Yes I did! I was extremely nervous beforehand (my best friend was coming, and he isn’t into KPop, so I was worried he wouldn’t enjoy it) but I really had no reason to be! My 60+ father also came and got to cheer on Woozi, so he was pretty happy too haha

I’ll put my thoughts and what happened under the cut, just in case people don’t wanna see it on their dash lol

Okay! So, I actually got SUPER “sick” after the concert so the rest of the night was not fun, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. My mind is sort of all over the place so this may not be in order lol

Hoshi tried to teach us the chant that I’m sure he teaches every crowd, and told us that it’s easy and we couldn’t mess it up (he underestimated our potential of being stupid lol). He told us to go “jjak jjak, ode to you” with some hand motions and we all deadass just repeated “jjak jjak” instead of actually clapping. It started a running joke and for a while (and during the encore) they would end all of their sentences with “jjak jjak” to mock us lol

It was Seungkwan’s birthday, so we all got to sing happy birthday to him! I felt sort of bad that we didn’t sing it in Korean, esp when he said it was his first birthday away from Korea, but he seemed happy ☺️

Speaking of feeling bad, they did a little segment where we all had to continue the lyrics they gave us, and Woozi sang his solo song Simple and not enough of us knew the lines after the chorus 😔😔 I’m sorry Woozi!! (We made it up to him by chanting his name which he didn’t want lol and by cheering him on during his ending ment for long enough that he just had to wait it out)

On that note, I’m sorry, Josh, that we couldn’t all continue the lyrics for Rocket when all you gave us was “ooOOH”

Seokmin was fucking radiant, as always, being able to see him in person for the first time it was really fucking clear what a nice guy he was, he genuinely just wanted everyone to enjoy themselves. (He made a comment about how we all reacted well to whatever he did, and when we ofc screamed at that his smile was blinding, it was beautiful)

Ngl, Wonwoo did not come to fuck around. Boy dropped low (physically AND vocally) more times than I could count and I for the first time ever was in dangerous territory lol he tried to bias wreck me hard

Never fucking ending encore, continuously replaying the last moments of Aju Nice just so Seungkwan could be forced to dance more since it was his birthday lol - if he looks sweaty in the pics uploaded afterwards, that’s why, he alone did like, six encores

Jeonghan was super subdued though - idk if that’s how he really is (since I’ve never seen him in person before this) but he continuously faded into the background and during any of his talking bits he seemed a bit out of sorts, so I hope he’s okay and didn’t force himself!

Joshua fucking snatched my best friend - all my friend is talking about now is Josh, and honestly, fucking same. He wore a dusky rose colored tux coat and tie with a sort of pastel blue shirt and honestly I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, he’s fucking 😍

Big shoutout to the gag trio for persisting with English even after they messed up and/or got tongue-tied (which they did a few times). It was really sweet and appreciated. Specifically to Hoshi, who would not fucking REST until we were having a good time, bless that boy he works so damn hard. Also hearteu to Minghao for not knowing the lyrics for another person’s verse in the encore and just giving us the most adorable “uhh..” into the mic we’ve ever heard

Bit of a weird thing regarding Dino’s ending ment - the translator said that he said “I feel like you all only gave 50% out of 100%” but then he followed that up with “you all were perfect” in English, so idk man lol (I’ll be honest, I wasn’t listening to his Korean closely enough to know, too many things were happening lol)

I only recorded a few things (and while I wish I recorded more, I know I wouldn’t have enjoyed the concert as much if I had, so kudos to those who do fancams omg) but my favorite was the group singing Smile Flower/Laughter, and both Josh and Vernon delivering a very sweet message to us before we sang it back to them, so I’m glad that I recorded that out of everything else Woozi was listening SO INTENTLY that the feeling of judgement he was projecting was impossible miss.. I just dunno if we satisfied him or not lmao

Ik they won’t actually remember this concert as much as they claimed, but it was really sweet how they focused so much on the “making good memories” aspect of it 💕

Seungcheol, you were missed! I’m not sure anyone was cheered for louder than you, so please take it easy and be resting well! We all love you and want the best for you 💝

Bless Woozi for doing most of his ending ment in English - I know it’s got to be nerve-wracking and just uncomfortable in general to do it in a language you aren’t fluent in, but it was much appreciated by everyone!

The general consensus by them was that we were super “energetic” and “crazy”, which is prob bc despite doing the fanchants (my section, at least) everyone screamed along with the lyrics too lmao. Pretty sure that’s what most of their concerts in the states are like, but it’s nice of them to say things like that regardless

I don’t regret spending the money to go at all - I was dubious that it would affect me a lot since my depression has gotten a lot worse, but I felt genuinely calm and happy during it. I also stood the whole time anyway, so next time I’ll just buy the tickets for near the stage 😂 It’s strange, seeing them in person - you just get this weird sense of what good people they are, how they really love what they do and want to spread happiness through it. Lmao my friend afterwards asked me “...you ever think about how we were that close to them but we will never ever actually get to know them as real people?” and yes, I fucking do, and it’s an uncomfortable feeling, but all I can really do is wish and hope that they have happy lives 😔☺

If anyone else went and wants to scream at me about the boys, please feel free to!! It was an amazing night and I am genuinely glad I forced myself out of my comfort zone to go

[aspaceform3]

Well I don’t want 3000€, I want Taylor to know that Autism Speaks is NOT a good organization and it’s completely rejected by the autistic community. I want Taylor to know that autism is the same as Asperger’s and that Doctor Asperger’s was a nazi who did experiments on autistic kids. 

I want Taylor to know, that she stimmed on Miss Americana on the sofa scene, and that that made me so happy to see. MY IDOL DOES WEIRD MOVEMENTS WHEN SHES NERVOUS OR ANXIOUS JUST LIKE I DO AAAAAH!! Now if anyone dares to point out my body stimms when in public, i got the “Yeah i stimm like Taylor fucking Swift” just like whenever someone asks “Autstic? Like Sheldon Cooper?” I reply “Nope, like Greta fucking Thumbergh”.

I don’t want 3000€, I want Taylor to know that autistc brains are JUST a different way of brain development, that there is NO SUCH THING AS A NORMAL BRAIN, and that Autism is NOT  a disorder, but a CONDITION.

I would love Taylor to know, that because this perspective on autism is barely known, we autistics still get attacked by our own worst enemy (ableism) on places were we should feel the safest. Doctors, teachers, parents even. The neurodiversity perspective was started by Judy Singer up on 1998. 1998! 

I want Taylor to know, that autism is NOT just for kids neither only for men. Inside the community there are Non binary people, there are LGTBQ people, there are POC people ALL OVER THE PLANET, because autism is NOT something that one can stop or cure. It’s biological and organizations like Autism Speaks promote the idea that autism is a thing to cure, while stealing autistic people’s voices and only sending less than a 30% of their income to support families. The rest? Not for autistics or help, that’s for sure.

I want Taylor to know, that there is marvellous organizations for autistics made from autistics, that the community in itself at least on Instagram, feels like a hug you never know you needed. Being autistic in this system, forces us to mask and fake who we are, because no company would like to have an employee that asks too many questions, that cannot be there everyday because we get so easily burnout, or just even saying that you are indeed autistic at a job, you’re gonna be treated like if you were stupid or weird. Or worst, like if you were an angel, a querubine, a hero for talking all that stress and mask so much to pretend you’re a neurotypical.

I would love for Taylor to know, that I have tickets for her show at MadCool festival, but deep down i know it wont be happening due to coronavirus and that even though i have never ever seen her live and I’ve been a fan since i was 13, buying that ticket was the only thing that kept me going and stay alive, but also anxious thoughts come, as the concert might be super crowded and I might have to take the hurt that appears when strangers touch me lightly, hoping for it not to make me meltdown and lose the entire show. I also have anxious thoughts regarding epilepsy, i know I’m not, and I know the Lover show isn’t gonna be as prone for epileptics to have a seizure if it looks anything like the last shows she had made. But i still have some sensitivity towards lights so im scared.

Wow okay this is a long post that no one is going to read so i might just stop lol

[cloudfiveclub]

age is just a number ➵ z.d.j.

Summary ; Zabdiel’s always had a thing for older women.

Warning(s) ; swearing

Word Count ; 2.2k+

Author’s Note ; hey everyone! this is the first part of a collab series @dimelomamii and I have written together. pretty basic of a plot with cliches, but hopefully you guys enjoy it! let us know your thoughts and if you’d like to see a continuation x

masterlist

disclaimer | these are only based on my own opinions and imagination and are purely fictitious, as such they in no way accurate or true

When the hell is this meeting going to end?

You had been stuck in this meeting for about three hours discussing the designs for a skyscraper your company got commissioned for another in Shanghai. You loved your job, but this project was just so boring. Your boss was just droning on and on about all the unimportant stuff, and the details that were crucial were not being discussed. You had tried bringing it up a few times, but it seemed like nobody was quite interested in that just yet.

“Alright everyone, we will pick up where we left off tomorrow,” your boss finally concluded. You sighed quietly in relief, gathering my materials and making a beeline for the elevator, dodging attempts at conversation from your coworkers as politely as you could. You packed up your stuff at your desk, before exiting the building, making your way to the train station nearby. It was the evening rush hour, and the subway was jammed pack with people all eagerly rushing to get home.

Along the way, you came across a poster of that one boy band your younger sister, Camila was in love with. CNCO, they were called. You didn’t know them very well, you just knew they were talented and attractive. Camila, on the other hand, was ready to die for them. She’d emphasised that fact on numerous occasions; swooning over their “ridiculously good looks”, more particularly the one with a curly mop of black hair who always wore a bandana. Joseph or Jacob or something.

Still, while you weren’t a huge fan, Camila still was, which was why you had taken the liberty of getting VIP tickets for the both of you for their concert in the city the following month. Lucky for her too it lined up right on her 19th birthday. You still remembered the absolute joy on her face when you told her she was actually going to get a chance to meet the “loves of her life”. She’d screamed at the top of her lungs, immediately pulling you into a crushing hug. She claimed you were the “best sister ever”, in which you responded that she didn’t have a choice on that seeing that you were her only sister. Nothing made you happier than seeing her happy.

You weren’t going to admit it out loud, but you were pretty excited to meet them too, even if you didn’t particularly like them as much as most of the other girls. You’d seen some interviews, and listened to a few of their songs, and they seemed like great, talented boys. You really were looking forward to meeting them, but for now, there were more important things to take care of.

Like that boring project.

-

“Just go straight to your left and you will find the room with a sign that says meet and greet and just join the queue,” the guard informs the both of you as he scans your tickets. You thanked him, and Camila and you make your way inside. She was practically buzzing with joy, excitement evident in her large eyes.

“God, I know I’ve said this a million times by thank you so much, Jen,” Camila said to you once again. Her hand gripped your arm tightly, squeezing in gratefulness, and over-excitement. “You’re seriously the best sister anyone could ask for.”

“I know,” you responded, laughing lightly.

You reached the designated room backstage, and you were immediately struck by how chattery everyone was. Girls of all ages were abuzz with excitement and talking to one another, whether or not they personally knew each other or not. You could barely remember the last time you’d seen so many fangirls in one place. This was a young people thing, you’d told yourself. You remembered coming for meet and greets and going to concerts when you were younger, but you were a grown working adult now, you barely had the time.

“I’m really nervous Jen, what will they think of me?” Camila blabbered nervously. She ran her hand through her hair in attempt to make herself look better, although she already looked perfectly fine. “Do I look ok?” she asked, turning to face you.

“You look great and don’t worry, they will love you. Just be yourself, but don’t jump onto what’s-his-name. Bandana guy. Give him some space, alright?” you tell her, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. You look back up, and screams sounded out suddenly as the boys came backstage. You swore you saw someone faint, but you couldn’t quite tell from all the chaos.

“Oh my god, look at Joel,” Camila practically squeals in your ear, grabbing onto your arm and shaking it vigorously. You wince when she yells, but you laugh her enthusiasm off. “Fucking hell, he looks better in person,” she adds on, fanning herself dramatically with her other hand. You snort, rolling your eyes at her reaction. He was kind of cute, you figured.

Security calms everyone down as best as they could; slightly redundant but still a solid effort before they started the meet and greets. The two of you wait in line patiently - well, you did, you couldn’t say the same about Camila - until security motions you to pass through a curtain that leads to the stage where the boys were standing and talking to one another.

Grace and composure, you’d reminded Camila, but that piece of advice seemed to fly out of her head as she skipped over to Bandana guy and pulled him into an eager hug without so much of a “hello”. Or “hola”, since they were latino.

You trailed behind her, greeting them as Camila moved on to the other members to do her round of hugging and fangirling. Standing next to Bandana guy was a particularly tall member. She wrapped her arms around him and he returned the hug warmly, and when he looked back up to say hello to you, you swore he did a double take.

“Hola,” he greeted, his tone a little off. You raised your eyebrows in confusion, but gave him a friendly smile. You let Camila have them to herself, and you kept your eye on her to make sure she didn’t do anything particularly stupid or invasive. But in your peripheral vision, you could see the tall one eyeing you. 

Damn, was he not going to take his eyes off of you? Was there something on your face? Did you put too much blush on by accident?

You glanced at him briefly, making eye contact awkwardly for a split second before you moved your gaze over to your sister again.

A little awkward... but at least he’s good looking.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you inwardly thanked the heavens for saving you from a mildly awkward situation and instead giving you something to do to make yourself seem preoccupied. You fish your phone out of your back pocket, opening up the lockscreen to see a new text from one of your coworkers regarding work. You typed a response to her, but as your fingers were moving across the keyboard, you started to get a feeling that someone was moving towards you.

You look back up, and realise it’s the tall one from earlier making his way towards you. You stood awkwardly in place as he approached you. He wasn’t that far away, but it seemed like he was taking forever to get to you. It was like some intense scene from a movie, and you couldn’t help the nerves that had started to creep up on you as he walked towards you.

When he finally reached you, he stood awfully close. Maybe even a little too close. He had an intense gaze, and you felt instantly vulnerable simply just by looking at him. He looked even taller up close too, and he towered over you intimidatingly.

“Uh... Hi?” you said, your tone making it sound more like a question rather than a friendly ‘hello’. “Can I help you?”

Zabdiel’s POV 

“Perdona, sabes dónde está la tierra? Porque desde que te vi ando en las nubes,” I spoke as lowly as I could.

I noticed how a visible blush crept onto her face when I said that, and it definitely only fuelled my ego. It must have worked. Not one of my best pick-up lines, but if it made her blush, it means it really wasn’t that bad.

She was absolutely gorgeous, and had quite a nice looking rack going on in front. I let my eyes rake down the length of her body quickly, slow enough that she noticed it but fast enough to seem like I was merely doing a quick once over of her. I didn’t want to seem like such a creep.

She mustered up a pretty smile, though I did get a feeling she was midly uncomfortable. “I don’t really know you guys, sorry, aha,” she told me, her tone still light. “My sister’s the bigger fan,” she added, gesturing to the other girl. I looked over, and saw her sister almost draped across Joel, but still simultaneously talking to Richard and Chris. I had to hold in a laugh. Joel was always one of the more popular ones amongst the fans.

“Uh- what’s your name, by the way? And how old are you?” She asked me.

I stuck out my hand, prompting her to shake it. Her hand was small and smooth against mine, and the differences in our palm size almost had me distracted for a second.

“Zabdiel, 21. You are?”

“Jennifer and I’m-”

But before she could finish her introduction, the security guards had started guiding both her and her sister away, an indicator that their time was pretty much up and had to leave. My heart skipped a beat, panicking momentarily when I realised I only knew her by name and physical looks, and didn’t have a number or anything. I didn’t have time to ask for any of that, but thankfully her sister delayed their leave for a little.

“Wait! I didn’t get a picture!” She exclaimed. She handed her phone over to a guard, and pulled both me and Jennifer into the frame quickly, pushing Jennifer between me and Richard while she stood between Joel and Chris. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, and put on a grin like always.

“I’d love if I could have your number, cariña,” I whispered to her quietly through clenched teeth while the guard snapped a few shots. “I’d like to get to know you more.”

“No offense, but I’m not that interested,” she whispered back. My heart dropped a little when she said that, shoulders slumping slightly. Disappointing, but I wasn’t going to pass up on an opportunity to get to know a pretty girl that easily.

“Can I at least have your Instagram?” I murmured, stepping away as the guard gave a thumbs up, indicating the picture had been taken. She looks at me skeptically for a few moments, before she nods. She gives me her user, and I fish my phone out of my pocket hurriedly to type it in and find it. It was private, so I sent in a request, but before I could thank her properly, she and her sister were ushered away.

“Gracias mamita, enjoy the show!” I shouted after her anyway.

-

Jennifer’s POV 

Goddamn, you still had zero idea what happened.

You still couldn’t quite believe your luck; having a man as attractive as that ask for your number?

Zabdiel, his name was, was performing on stage with the rest of his bandmates. And you were pretty much salivating. He was a guy who knew how to move those hips, and you didn’t understand how he could feel zero shame doing something as sinful as grinding into the air like that. It was ridiculous. Guys your age were nowhere near as good looking as him.

You blushed furiously when his eyes met yours, and his left eye dropped into a wink. The few girls directly in front and behind you went wild instantly, and you knew they were screaming because every one of them thought he had winked at them. But you knew it was directed at you. His hand moved down towards his crotch for a brief second, and he grinded against his hand and you didn’t know if it was possible, but all the girls around you screamed louder.

You could barely take your eyes off of him the entirety of the show, completely in awe and starstruck even though you weren’t a fan. Well, you were definitely one now.

The time went by way too quickly for your liking, and before you knew it, you were back home after dropping your sister at your mother’s place. You were still in a daze from what had happened, and all of Camila’s swooning and rambling went in one ear and out the other the whole car ride.

Jesus, you didn’t even have sex with him, Jen, all he did was hump the air and you’re already dying.

You huffed as you threw your keys into the dish on the table, ready to collapse into bed after such an eventful day, but before you could do anything else, you got a notification from instagram.

You opened it up, and it brought you to the ‘requests’ section in your DMs. Your heart nearly jumped out of your chest when you saw who it was from. Zabdiel.

[dramatispcrsonae]

I’ve seen posts going around the rpc with people giving tips about their cities as a resource to folks who write characters from those places. Here is my small contribution for Washington, DC. This is particularly relevant for people who write political characters or fic in fandoms such as The West Wing, Scandal, Bones, The Blacklist, House of Cards, etc. It’s too long and in no particular order but HERE GOES:

The Mall/Monuments. No one goes here unless your parents are visiting. End of story. There are some exceptions to this, of course: the occasional free concert or protest or an inauguration, etc. but generally it’s avoided. It’s rife with tourists, capitol police, and there’s not a lot to do if you’ve already seen it. TV shows so often have their characters hanging out together on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial or sitting on benches along the Mall…. No. Maybe your character will go jogging there but that’s about it.

Here’s a big one. If your character works in DC, odds are they don’t live in DC. They live somewhere in the DMV (District of Columbia/Maryland/Virgina). There are DC suburbs in VA and MD that are accessible on the metro that are often more affordable than living in the District. Montgomery and Prince George’s counties in MD and Arlington and Fairfax counties in VA are heavily populated by people who work in DC. If you live in the District, you’re probably a) a college student, b) a twenty-something living with about 3 other people, or c) extremely wealthy. As always, there are exceptions to this, particularly in regards to certain neighborhoods, but more on that later. Also, if your character lives in, say, Rosslyn and works in DC, they will tell people not from around here that they live in DC. It’s not technically true, but it’s kinda true...

DC is a reputation-conscious city. The first things you find out when you meet someone are where they went to school, where they work, and what they do. You sort develop a sense of what the Important Person Hierarchy is very quickly. It’s squicky but it’s real.

It’s a company town and that company is the government. It’s not a capital city like London or Paris or Berlin that grew organically and has a larger identity. It’s a tiny place that was designed specifically to be the capital (see “The Room Where it Happens” from Hamilton). Certainly not everyone works for the government, but most people’s lives are touched by it in some way. This could be anything from when a non-profit’s office closes (many follow the federal government’s schedule), to dealing with traffic from protests or motorcades. There’s so much more to the city, but it would be silly to pretend that’s not The Biggest Thing here. 

People are ferociously career-oriented, there is an absurdly high concentration of people with law degrees, and other graduate degrees. Most people are thinking about what their next thing is or how X or Y will look on their resume. Basically it’s a city of Type A over-achievers. And yes that can be as unbearable as it sounds.  

It’s a small c conservative city. People dress conservatively, behave conservatively. Especially if your character does anything related to the government. Do not have your OC show up to their first day as Chief of Staff to Congressman Whoever with pink hair or a nose ring. Not gonna happen. Like I knew an intern who was once sent home for wearing khakis to the office….

If you work in politics or the non-profit world, it’s genuinely surprising to meet someone who is a DC native. Most people are transplants from elsewhere in the country who came for school or a specific career-related reason. 

Sports teams! The Redskins are (well were) beloved but suck. The Nationals are the new kids on the block who everyone now pays attention to (for obvious reasons). Like, if your character is a Hill staffer they probably love going to Nats games. And then there are the Capitals. I think everyone likes the Caps???

Quadrants. The city is broken up into four quadrants with the Capitol Building as the center point. These are NW, SW, NE, SE. These are a part of every address in DC and they all have reputations. NW is the biggest quadrant and probably where your character will work/spend a lot of time. SW is the Waterfront area and has recently become more of a hotspot. It used to be very sketchy. SE is still a pretty iffy place -- i.e. people don’t walk home alone after dark, etc. I have a co-worker who lives there and once came home to find a bullet hole in her living room. It’s that kind of place. BUT it is a big residential area and a lot more affordable than other places in the District. Your character totally might live there. NE is recently becoming quite gentrified.

Related to this are the streets. Downtown DC has a numbered grid-system like NYC, but… then you have the avenues (all named after states) that cut across the grid diagonally. It’s confusing and stupid but at least semi-reliable. Outside of Downtown though? Lol good luck. 

DC is a diverse city. It’s nearly half African-American, and something like 60% of the population is under 35. That said, though there is diversity, it’s not evenly distributed. You will definitely see a difference based on neighborhood. Ex: If your character lives in Georgetown, they’re surrounded by rich white people. If they live in Anacostia, it’s likely the opposite. 

Public transit! Driving in DC sucks! Most people avoid it! There is the metro (the subway but don’t call it that) and then there are buses. Metro lines are coded by color and the final stop in whichever direction you’re going. Metro… sucks. It’s not as frustrating as other cities, but it’s over-priced, and constantly on fire/broken. Complaining about metro is basically hobby here.

Know your neighborhoods. Downtown (where you’ve got the federal buildings and monuments) is nothing like, say, Adams Morgan or Anacostia. You could easily think it’s a different city. That’s actually one of my favorite things about this place...

There are so many fucking police forces: Capitol police, DC Metro police, park police, secret service, uniformed secret service, uniformed FBI, and that’s not even half it. Basically it’s small area FILLED with cops. 

It is an EXPENSIVE city. Sure, every major metropolitan area is like this, but it’s worth noting that if your character is a 20 something Hill staffer, they will 100% have roommates (or live in a roach-filled matchbox of an apartment), and they will totally know every good cheap happy hour menu within walking distance. Food trucks are also a big thing here -- like they line up downtown and sell anything from pizza and burgers, to Greek and Ethiopian. Food trucks are a CULTURE. 

Hill staff culture. This could be its own post honestly Most people are crazy young (like a 28 year old chief of staff is not even a little bit unusual) and are there to get to their next thing. Often people on the hill end up in lobbying or consulting before too long. The money is garbage, the hours are garbage and the turnover is high. A Hill internship sounds fancy to people outside of DC, but you’re basically the lowest of the low and you should know that everyone hates you lol. There’s a hierarchy here too, of course: House isn’t as cool as Senate, committees are more prestigious than members offices, unless your member is famous and on TV a lot, etc, etc. On the other hand, there are also Hill staffers who are ‘Hill Rats.’ In other words, they stay forever and never move to the private sector. These people are weird, and of the decidedly Josh Lyman type personality...

People who work in federal agencies tend to stay much longer in their jobs -- the money is better, the hours are better, and the benefits are better. But these are much harder jobs to get and it takes much longer to rise the ranks. 

The colleges. Georgetown is the fanciest and most prestigious. Also the most expensive. It’s the one that has the most caché. After that would probably be George Washington University and to a lesser degree American University. There’s also Catholic University, Howard University (an HBCU with a great law school), and Gallaudet University which is a school for the deaf and hard of hearing. But if your character is here to be a politics person, they probably went to Georgetown or GW. 

Going out. The hotspot areas are Adams Morgan, U Street, H Street, and to a lesser extent Dupont. The Waterfront area is becoming more popular too. The Kennedy Center is where fancy touring companies and operas perform (i.e. your rich socialite might have season tickets there). But there are other theaters in town and lots and lots of concert venues. The most iconic rock venue is the 9:30 Club, but Black Cat and U Street Music Hall are pretty good too.

Anyway, this is already way too long and by no means everything, but it’s a place to start! Also,I really need to add that this is from the perspective of a comfortable straight white girl who works in a government-adjacent job. This is by no means representative of what it’s like for everyone in DC or the surrounding area, particularly lower income folks or people of color. It’s a city with very wide and noticeable divisions on those fronts and I don’t want to presume to know things that I don’t. So if others want to add to this post, please do!!!!

[eldritchsurveys]

653.

Do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? >> I do. Outworld, anyway.

Have you ever watched a Sons of Anarchy? >> No.

Do you want to see The Woman In Black? >> I never got around to watching it, it never piqued my interest enough.

Has a random guy ever asked you for your phone number? >> Yes. I’m so glad those days are over.

Has a guy ever pulled over to ask for your number or call you hot? >> Probably.

How attracted are you to the last person that kissed you? >> There is no way in which I am not attracted to Can Calah.

Name something that you are doing tonight. >> Fucking around online.

Are you a jealous person? >> Not in the slightest.

Do you like February? >> I mean, there’s really nothing much to like, per se? It’s not a very interesting month.

Where have you lived throughout your life? >> Quite a few places.

Have you ever known a white supremacist? >> Sure, online. Maybe in meatspace too, if they were covert.

What were you doing an hour ago? >> I was either watching Hannibal or reading my emails.

In regards to who do you think 'what if?'? >> ???

Do you like the smell of a barbecue? >> Sure do.

Do you get excited when you find Sanrio products at Wal-Mart? >> I don’t recall ever having a distinct experience of finding Sanrio products at Walmart. But I don’t imagine it’d surprise me or anything, considering Hello Kitty is a widely distributed brand...

Are you 420 friendly? >> Yes. I can’t really partake because of personal issues, but I support its usage for those who enjoy it.

Do you own a Champion's sport bra? >> No.

Do you watch Justified? >> No.

How many cups of tea of coffee do you have in a day? >> Zero, most of the time. I might have a cup of tea or two if I can manage to get my executive function on board. I love tea but making it is a different story...

Do you own a varsity jacket? >> No.

Dolce Vita or Jeffrey Campbell? >> What?

Ryan Gosling or Channing Tatum? >> Ryan Gosling, only because of like. Drive.

Has anyone ever called you apathetic or unemotional? >> Certainly.

Would you rather someone you loved passionately hate you or be indifferent to you? >> I can’t imagine feeling that intensely for someone who doesn’t have any positive feelings towards me whatsoever. It just doesn’t add up for me personally.

Have you read Wuthering Heights or Jane Eyre? >> No.

I bet you miss somebody right now? >> Well, you lost that bet.

What are you planning on doing after this? >> Probably check out what’s going on on my dashboard for a bit.

How much money do you spend in a month on clothes or accessories? >> Usually none. I haven’t bought any new wearables since October.

What was the last clothing item you wore that doesn't belong to you? >> Probably some t-shirt of Sparrow’s. We have similar tastes in t-shirts and wear the same size.

Do you watch Jersey Shore? >> No.

Do you have a thing with someone? >> What...

Do you have any bruises on either of your legs? >> No.

Who was the last person to touch your stomach? >> The last person outworld to touch my stomach would have probably been a doctor or something.

Something tragic just happened. Does your facial expression show it? >> I mean, I guess it depends... the flatness of my affect is an ever-changing element.

Who is the cleverest (crafty) person you know? >> *shrug*

Do you think people who know a lot of facts are really smart? >> I think they’re people who have a great ability in retaining information. Which one could argue is a factor in intelligence, I’d imagine.

Do you ever feel like strangers look mad at you? >> Er, sometimes, I guess.

Do you own anything with your state or providence's name on it? >> No.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? >> Quite often, because people don’t really need or necessarily want to know what I’m thinking all the time?

Do you like the Paranormal Activity movies? >> Never seen them.

How do you like your oatmeal? >> Thick and still chewy, with milk and clarified butter and maple syrup and cinnamon.

Do you have siblings under the age of 12? >> No.

Are you going to any concerts this summer? >> I don’t know what I’m doing this summer, it’s months away.

What do you watch on TV on a Monday? >> So, I don’t watch regular television. Tuesday? Wednesday? Thursday? Friday? Saturday? Sunday?

Is there anything you want that you can't have? >> Sure, like a well-functioning brain.

Does it make you feel better when an ex starts dating someone unattractive? >> ---

How many brick and mortar schools have you attended? >> Like, 12.

How do you feel about opiates? >> I don’t have any feelings about them.

Do you like True Blood? >> God, I loved that show so much. I might rewatch it just because it’s utterly ridiculous and stupid and fun. Also because Lafayette is in it and I have rarely loved a character more than him.

What's your newest perfume? >> ---

What's your favorite perfume? >> I use a roll-on oil that you can buy, like, on the streets in big urban areas. Which makes it hard to get for me. There’s also one of those hippie stores in the mall that sells a roll-on that’s close enough, I guess. But nothing beats the street-vendor version.

Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, or Tom Felton? >> No.

Are you a Hunger Games fan? >> I did like the books.

What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? >> On toast.

What is the last thing you stole? >> I don’t remember the last time I stole something. I finally quit like 5 years ago or so.

Urban Outfitters or Forever21? >> No.

American Eagle or Macy's? >> Mm.

PacSun or Zumiez? >> Nah.

Can you play any musical instruments? >> Nope.

Do you think Selena Gomez is cute? >> I have no opinion on Selena Gomez.

Do you fall in infatuation easily? >> I don’t fall in infatuation at all.

Who has initiated most of your first kisses? >> ---

Do you have Netflix? >> Yes. Honestly, I’m beginning to hate Netflix, but I keep it for the household (and for our friend that also uses my account).

Do you have a good memory? >> Yeah, it’s fine.

What did you wear to bed last-night? >> Same shit I’m wearing right now.

What gives you anxiety? >> Oh, you know. Stuff.

What's the last movie that really scared you? >> I can’t think of any movie I felt that way about.

How did you get the shirt you're wearing? >> I bought it. Probably at Hot Topic.

Why do some guys take shirtless mirror pictures when they don't have abs? >> Because they fucking want to lmao god

Do you think lines are as good as abs? >> What. Also fuck abs.

Do you like bows? >> I like bowties...

Have you ever made a 'haul' YouTube video? >> No.

Have you ever been to Indiana? >> I’ve rode through it on the way to Chicago.

Do you straighten your hair almost every day? >> No.

What kind of a guy do you imagine when you hear the name 'Tim'? >> I don’t imagine any kind of person.

What brand is starting to invade your closet? >> None.

Have you ever seen those Flapjack cartoons? >> No.

Has a boyfriend ever made you breakfast? >> Sure. Raven did that a lot. He was a good lad.

Do you think all porn stars are whores? >> No. In fact, I don’t think any porn stars are whores, because I think whore is a derogatory term and I have no business calling people that when they’re just trying to make a living doing something they (presumably) enjoy. Just like everyone else.

Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now? >> No. I also wouldn’t date, period, but. Definitely not a teenager.

Do you like cinnamon bacon? >> I’ve never had it, but it sounds like it might be good.

Do you like Epic Meal Time? >> I’ve never watched it.

Have you ever starved yourself? >> No. I never had the willpower. Which is a good thing, I’d imagine.

What do you gather your change in? >> I don’t get enough change to need a place to put it.

Do you like to play Angry Birds? >> I tried it back when it was popular, but it didn’t stick.

Are you more likely to show affection through your words or your actions? >> Actions.

Would you agree that all love is conditional? >> I mean, it is for me. I can’t say that it is for everyone else because I’m not everyone else and people experience love in all sorts of ways.

Do you listen to Darwin Deez or Birdy? >> No.

Do you think Mac Miller is overrated? >> I don’t even know anything about Mac Miller. Except that he’s dead? I think? Might be confusing him with someone else for all I know.

Do you know who Mac Lethal is? >> No.

Do you like Cheez-Its? >> No.

What color is your so's car? >> Sparrow’s car is silver.

Do you believe in God? >> God just doesn’t really factor into my life most of the time.

[blapisblogs]

Oh god... Yeah, right after the in-video ad break, we’re hit with this: Doug Walker dressed like a Nazi with a smudged dotted line around his face and the words “person you hate” written on his forehead in sharpie. Dude, if this moment didn’t make you stop and wonder what the fuck happened with your life to bring you to this moment, then it damn well should’ve been.

Before you ask if this was based on something from the film or album, yes, but as usual there’s context for it. It’s difficult for me to explain, but in short the idea is that Pink’s attempt to build a metaphorical wall between himself and everyone else is making him more and more mentally unsound, right up to the point where after he’s forced to be drugged up for one of his shows he hallucinates himself as a fascist (the very thing his father died fighting against), the fans his zealous followers, and his concerts rallies where he encourages violence against marginalized groups. This goes on for a few songs with the violence and threats escalating in each one, and by the end of the last one he’s ranting and raving incoherently on a megaphone until the hallucination ends as he shouts for it all to stop, finally realizing how dangerous the things he’s been doing to himself are. It’s disturbing, and intentionally so. That’s what I got out of both the album and the film anyway. I have no clue what Doug Walker got out of this part of the film, though, because these next two parody songs have almost nothing to do with it. The first one mentions it so people will know that it’s a parody of something from the film, but that’s about it, and the second one doesn’t mention anything about the film or album at all.

The next two parodies are of “In the Flesh” (the reprise), and “Waiting for the Worms”, neither of which I will post links to based on what I explained earlier, but if you want to look them up yourself I will warn you that there are things said there that are identical to things the Nazis have said and done, and use words like “queers” and others that I dare not say nor want to. (Also, yeah, they didn’t include “Run Like Hell”, presumably because Doug couldn’t think of another full parody’s worth of “fuck you, haters” for it.) In the parody of the former, Doug addresses his crowd of followers, which are the same five people copy-pasted onto the screens of multiple devices (I can’t tell if that’s supposed to be intentional commentary or Doug didn’t have enough people willing to work with him to pull off what he wanted for this), in a place called the “Echo Chamber”.

Yes, really.

It’s supposed to be commentary on how bad callout/outrage/cancel/purity/whatever-we’re-calling-it-this-month culture can be, but considering who this is coming from, what his own fans are like, and the rest of the presentation in this “review” it comes off more like “technology bad” and “social media bad”. Worse than that, the latter parody song is still about callout/outrage/cancel/etc. culture, only now it’s even more apparent that this is his way of commenting on the Change the Channel movement. This isn’t just me saying this either, other people have taken note on it as well, including people who didn’t even completely hate Doug Walker after the Change the Channel thing happened. I’ve seen one person try to (rather weakly) argue that it wasn’t trying to mock the Change the Channel movement, but even if one were to give them the benefit of the doubt and they weren’t making fun of that, then 1: they still should’ve known that doing something like this was going to get people to draw comparisons to said movement whether it was intended or not, and 2: it’s still absurdly over-the-top and out of touch with why “outrage/cancel/callout/whatever culture” has become a thing. It’s about as subtle as, well, a hammer to the face. (Speaking of which, the hammers for this parody are used to make hashtags instead of an ‘x’ and instead of chanting “Pink Floyd” or “Hammers” the fans chant “hashtag”. I’ve been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of how to comment on this, but all I can do is put a hand up to my face like Captain Picard in those memes, I think that says it all.)

This message of “technology and social media bad” is so ridiculously passé at this point that it’s laughable, and yet it seems like Doug Walker is under the impression that he’s saying something new and brilliant. This is also a truly bizarre message to be hearing from a guy who had so much success with his internet career that he quit his previous job to pursue it full-time. You know, that career that’s dependent on technology. (Also, Doug, social media itself didn’t cause those problems with said internet career: that was all you.)

The sad part is that for this sequence we get some brief scenes with actually good CGI of things like marching smartphones (identical to the original’s marching hammers) and a decently-animated 2-D(-ish?) sequence of a six-fingered hand coming up from the ground and forming into a hammer much like something that happened during part of the film (not this part specifically, but a part). It’s weird in context, but these animated parts look far better than any of the other effects that were used earlier. I’m guessing the guest person who made the effects I’ll talk about later also animated this (at least the CGI bits; as I said earlier, the 2-D-ish parts look so suspiciously close to the original that I have to wonder if they were traced over for this). While it is good, that just makes me wonder that if they were hired to make the animation in this part then why didn’t Doug let them animate the black eagle scene for the “Goodbye Blue Sky” parody section too? He clearly had the time and budget to get a talented animator to do this stuff for him, so why not fully use them?

Also, I swear one of the visuals looks more like a mashup between something from the opening of Phantom of the Paradise and The Wall than anything actually from The Wall alone. Maybe Doug and/or the person animating this got their rock operas momentarily mixed. Maybe they did this on purpose to mess with people. Maybe my brain’s making up this shit because a Phantom of the Paradise/The Wall double feature sounds infinitely better than this “review”. Maybe the headache I’ve gotten while watching this dumpster fire is fucking with me. I don’t know.

[Lyrics (and snark) below the cut]

Oh yeah, I’m the P-Person you all think you know That sucks up all your angst and confusion I’m that nameless foe, huh!

[Oh, so you are trying to do an impression of Bob Geldof. ...It shouldn’t take me over half-way into the “review” to figure out for sure that’s what you’re doing. Or did you choose to only actually do an impression of him for just this one part? I can’t even fathom almost any of Doug’s thought process for this “review” anymore.]

I’ve got some weird news for ya, sunshine, This was dissin’ Thatcher’s administration

[So I have seen Wikipedia mention that at least some people have either interpreted or used this part as commentary on Margaret Thatcher, and I don’t know enough about UK politics to dispute whether it was intentional or not. What bothers me is that if this was intentional, then how did Doug pick up on this? That would mean that he either caught this but somehow didn’t pick up on any of the other, more obvious things in this film that doesn’t have “the slightest bit of subtlety”, or he researched this and only this. Or it was a random guess he made that happens to coincide with what some others have interpreted from this part. Who knows.]

But it’s vague enough to put anyone you fear - Politician, showman - just put their face here!

[Uh... Are you talking about how someone edited this part of The Wall so that it was Drumpf in there because of how much he talks about his stupid wall? ...You are aware that the entire point of the film and album is that those kind of walls aren’t good and should be broken down, right? You know that Roger Waters himself openly despises Drumpf, right? ...Right?]

Are there any authority figures in the crowd tonight? Well put them in The Wall! (Get. Them. All.) That one’s looking stressed, he wants to feel oppressed Put him in The Wall! (Post. His. Balls!)

[Oh yes, The Wall - a film about the cycle of abuse and the effects it has on people and how taking self-isolation to its most extreme is unhealthy for the health of one’s self as well as those around them, among many other things - is something that adults don’t take seriously, not like this web video that has lines talking about people posting some dude’s balls on social media for shits and giggles. (In case you couldn’t tell that was sarcasm.)]

And that one looks sheltered, like she never leaves her room I’ll be that friend that you can blame for all your gloom That one looks like he really wants to be outraged! Now with social media, you have the stage!

[...You know, as awful as the previous songs in this “review” were, at least they were about the film and album. This, however... What even is this?]

(This is the part where the five-person audience starts chanting “hashtag” which goes on until Doug and his two goons run outside, run back inside due to it being too bright out, and then start the next parody. There’s not much to comment on for that, it’s just stupid.)

[End “In the Flesh” parody, begin “Waiting for the Worms” parody]

(One, two, three, post it!) Ooh, you can’t convince me now Ooh, I’m too far on my side Goodbye, nuance I never will abide

[You are not one to talk about nuance, not regarding this film or album, and certainly not about the Change the Channel movement, which this parody is pretty transparently about as we’ll see soon enough.]

It’s us vs. them, I don’t even know who us or them are

[“Us and them, and after all we're only ordinary men.” Come on, man, I know it’s not from The Wall, but the opportunity was right there. Actually, since Rob Walker is there as the Charts Guy (a recurring character in Doug’s reviews), you could’ve even thrown in a “Have a Cigar” reference if you wanted (also not from The Wall, but still). I know at this point I’m nitpicking, but I’m forcing myself to watch a “review” where a guy dressed himself like a Nazi to make a blatant “take that” statement against his “haters” without understanding and/or caring why the Nazi comparisons were there in the original; if Doug Walker doesn’t give a shit about those kind of details, then why should I.]

I just wanna be angry so I can be (Tweeting) About those who hate me (Tweeting) I need their attention (Tweeting) Love me or hate me, just look at me more

[Sadly one can’t say that this train wreck of a “review” didn’t make at least some people look at Doug Walker again even after they didn’t want to.]

(Tweeting) Whatever side you choose, just don’t ever wane (Tweeting) Waiting for the point

[I’d joke about how that’s how most people felt about the video at this point, but everyone has made that joke already. Everyone.]

Don’t fear that you’re wrong Just fight until the end, my friend

[At this point I could just say “Okay, Boomer” at every line in these two parody songs and it’d be about as meaningful as all of Doug’s comments about the actual film. Remember, the film he’s parodying here and supposed to be reviewing (allegedly)? The film he’s not mentioned once in this particular parody?]

All you need to do is fight off something Don’t worry! As long as you don’t see me as human, You can hate me all you want! Because remember, this can never happen to you! I’m bad! You’re good! The more extreme you can get the more happy you’ll become! They’ll put that person whose face you hate here, and tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!

[...Doug, please tell me you didn’t have these parody songs in mind first as a sort of rebuttal against your detractors and then used it as an excuse to make a “review” for the actual film in this style as well as a whole parody album of it...

Also, this may be another nitpick, but towards the end the guys aren’t even “marching” in time to the music. Because of course they’re not.]

[summerspn]

Ghostbusters (2016)

Random movie review...

[Spoilers]

I debated watching this movie because the trailer was disappointing. To be honest I thought it would be terrible.

Now that I’ve watched it, I really don’t think it was that bad.

I loved the original movie and the sequel was alright. I saw a few episodes of the cartoon when it used to be on TV (apparently it ran until 1991). The cartoon was good too (I received a Ghostbusters puzzle from Santa one year and was stoked) 😉

My issue with reboots/remakes is that some of these directors don’t seem to understand which parts should be left alone and what should be changed. There needs to be a balance otherwise it’ll feel like some other movie.

This version of Ghostbusters was alright but not great. I have no problem with the actresses. I’ve seen them in other projects & interviews & they’re all talented & seem like decent intelligent people.

My biggest issue with this remake is the marketing. It was advertised as an ‘all female’ cast and ‘feminist’. I just roll my eyes at that. Why? Because apparently movie studios feel they have to: 1) spell things out for us as though the audience is too stupid to see that yes, the cast is mainly female. And 2) they jump on the bandwagon. Feminism is being talked about now so the movie studio has to jump in and say ‘come see us we’re doing Feminism now too!’

For future movie makers, and I speak for myself & regarding conversations I’ve had with friends - don’t try to cash out on an entire movement. Just..don’t. It’s so tacky. Yes, do have female roles & yes even do all female casts just don’t be tacky about it. I saw an ad for the movie & they were making the women look uptight then foolish. Then pointed out they were all women. This is a result of a terrible movie editor (or the terrible instructions that person received on how to splice the trailer together).

Now if the studio had just done the movie & advertised about catching ghosts it would have had a better reaction, in my humble opinion.

Of course, I still have to point out there were many - SO MANY - jerks online (and yes even in person). They were saying how the actresses were crap, & were cruelly going on about them.

That upsets me because even though the movie wasn’t the best move of all time, you can see the effort put into it.

The characters were written differently. Each given their own history & quirks - which is a sign of a good writer. The special effects must have taken a ton of work & money. The actors all seemed to connect and work well with each other. People talking trash about the movie are being disrespectful. You don’t like it? Fine but stop with the trash talk for all the people that put their lives on hold to make the movie.

With that said, my issues with the movie are:

* Marketing

* What age group was this for? - parts of it felt adult-ish where the Dean was giving them the finger or objectifying Kevin. But other parts felt super childish. The handshake that Abby had in a couple scenes, the concert managers’ scream, and even the special effects. Holtzmann trying on the wig was ridiculous as was the close up squished faces of the team after Stay Puft fell on them. The creators/director didn’t seem to know which way to go with this.

* The CGI - it made the movie feel more cartoon-like ala Haunted Mansion. The effects in the original movie were outdated of course but the still looked more menacing and I preferred the outdated cheesy/creepy effects from the original.

* The Ghostbusters theme song was redone? Couldn’t they have left it? Or if they really had to change it...I dunno, make it good? This version was terrible.

* The big fight - maybe I’m the only one but it felt strangely anticlimactic. Yes there was that giant ghost stomping around but it felt drawn out. It was boring to be honest. And the whole fight scene with the music and everything was trying to go for dramatic but it fell flat. Maybe I just didn’t care as much about the villain here as the original. It was a bit...goofy so I didn’t feel like anything interesting or surprising was going to happen.

* The racism. To be clear I personally don’t think there was anything intentional in this movie or marketing that was supposed to be racist. However, a very common method of how racism creeps into art/movies etc is by portraying the black person/actress as a fool. One of the ads that kept playing over & over had Patty running around shrieking & slapping Abby as though she didn’t know what she was doing. None of the other characters were made to look foolish in the trailer. Yes they were trying to be funny but none the characters didn’t look like a fool except Patty.

In the movie it is in fact Holtzmann who is the goofy one.

Patty also is the tag along & they only allow her to join them when she says she has a car. It’s downplaying her importance. Though I’m glad they wrote her as smart with a good history of the city at least.

What I liked about this movie:

* The cameos were nice. Bill Murray was a bit much but he usually is. I really liked that Dan Akroyd took a break from his Vodka business to do his cameo. And I still love Ernie Hudson so it was nice to see him as Patty’s uncle. I also thought the Slimer cameo was amusing.

* Kevin was amusing in small doses sort of way so this is one of the few times I’ll ever say I’m glad Hemsworth wasn’t in it more.

* Random amusing points in the movie like: the rent being ONLY $21,000 a month, and the creepy parade balloon peeking at the team from around the building.

* The upgraded equipment. I think if the movie hadn’t done this it would have been a little boring. I also liked the scenes when they tested the equipment in the alley. The fight scene at the end of the movie at first seemed a little cheesy but it got better with the handheld devices.

* The one liners were great. Patty’s “he’ll be the third scariest thing on the train” and “roomful of nightmares” were great lines. I also liked Holtzmann’s “marvellous impression of a deflated balloon” line. Among several others.

Overall this was a decent movie. It was entertaining. Definitely not worth some of negative feedback people gave about it. It missed the mark a bit but it wasn’t that bad. I think for kids growing up it’d be alright but anyone who’s seen the original might not love it as much.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

3/5

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveyss 014.

The person you had the strongest feelings for dies, do you care? I would be devastated. Absolutely devastated.

Is there something you’re happy about at the moment? I am excited to use my pool tomorrow. I’m happy I will be having mama marias tacos this week. I’m excited for my birthday weekend.

Do you want someone dead? Definitely not. 

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? No, can’t say that I do. The only two that I would have been curious about.. one I know was married (may still be? I’m unsure) and the other passed away while we were close. So, no.

Have you ever fed or taken care of a stray animal? SO many times.

What is something you tend to worry about? Grad school.

What is something you do that is unhealthy? Probably just my phone habits.

What is something you do that is good for you? I don’t speak poorly about myself to other people.

What last caused you to force a smile? When kile left me a message on snap saying he thought about me all day. It was maybe the first ounce of relief I’ve had in a while. 

What was the last video game you played? Was it fun? ACNH. It is always relaxing to play.

What is something not many people know about you? That I’ve been assaulted.

What word describes your basic style? Classic.

Have you ever been told you were going to Hell? Oh sure. 

Have you ever rejected a guy, only to have him push the issue by asking “why?” and insisting that you just need to get to know him better? Yes. 

Is there something that you believe everyone should do and you can’t believe that some people don’t do it (e.g., recycle or go to the dentist regularly)? Respect the time of others.

Regarding the last good choice (healthy choice, kind choice, selfless choice, etc.) you made, what was your real motivation behind it? I wanted to lighten someone else’s load.

What is something that you have had to practice at to get the hang of it? If you can’t think of anything, that’s okay, what’s something you are currently practicing at and trying to master? Having good posture. I used to have crap posture but I changed that when I started school.

Have you ever gone to the store to buy something, like a video game, when it came out at midnight? Not for myself, no. I have gone with a friend to get something.

Regarding the last novel you read, was there a romance included? If so, was it central to the plot? Yes there is, but I’m not finished with the novel. Going to read it again tomorrow in the pool

Have you ever done relaxation meditations or listened to relaxation guides or positive-thinking/healing recordings? I did in school for a class. It was nice

Do you have any interests that are also often shared by children? Coloring, switch, kids movies. I think a huge reason why my nephews/niece are so close to me is that I put in concerted effort to be interested and up-to-date on what they like.

Is there something that could be a solitary activity but you really only like to do it with other people (e.g., watching movies, playing video games, etc.)? Eating out, shopping.

Are you satisfied with the interior design or decoration in your home? Or do you think it needs a total home makeover? I love my room. Kile and my family really spoiled me last year in allowing me to get a room makeover for my birthday. I feel as though I shouldn’t have this stuff now that it’s all Kile’s. I am OK with our house decor, but it isn’t my style per-se.

Is there something that you’d like to own but you can’t find it anywhere? If not, can you a remember a time when you wanted something? Did you ever end up finding it or did you eventually stop wanting it? Yeah a pair of teva’s that I can’t find. My perfume that is always out of stock.

Who makes you smile the most? So for the loooooooooongest time it would be Kile who would just say these sweet, kind, loving things to me that just made me feel like a total queen. That all stopped real abruptly the week of graduation. Since then I’m relying basically solely on myself to smile. It isn’t that I don’t smile, I’m just retraining myself on this. 

What piercings do you want/have? Just each ear. I wanted second holes and my cartilage but those never last.

What's your favorite website? google prob..

Do you own a fish tank with fish? currently? no. have i before? yes.

Do you like the movie 300? never seen it.

Do you pop your knuckles? I dooooo

Do you have Photoshop?

heck no, its expensive lolol

Do you use tinypic or photobucket? I remember tinypic but I don’t use either.

What’s your favourite song from the 1980s? I’m not sure if I could choose 

How about the 1990s? I hate having to narrow it down.

Have you won anything recently? Uhhh, no not that I’m aware of. OH yahtzee.

How often do you make Excel tables? What for? Never. not if I can help it.

What was the last baby animal you saw in the wild? a bunny

Are you always available or online? Uhhh, always? no. I used to be. I’ve noticed that without Kile, I just don’t really have a reason to be by my phone all the time. I’m learning to get better about leaving my phone at home.

Do you have dietary restrictions? Or do you just eat what you like? gluten free. dairy free (though I’m bad at following this)

Do you prefer gold, silver or steel jewelry? Or no jewelry at all? So my preference is silver, but gold looks better on me.

Have you been binge-watching any shows lately? If so, what? lol Bob’s burgers. right now I’m into my old classic movies that have male character personalities that I long to have a relationship with.

If you dye your hair, do you do it yourself or go to a salon? I haven’t been to a hair salon in sooooooo long. One day when I have money I might start to take care of my hair again. I always felt so good about myself.

If you have any, do you like your in-laws? No in-laws.

Would it bother you, if your partner had cut contact with their parents? It would be dependent on the reason. For example, I’m not close to my father but I think the reason is very valid. If someone cuts ties with their family over something stupid, that might be concerning to me.

Have you ever wondered whether you were adopted? Haha, well my parents definitely didn’t have money for that and I’ve seen photos of my mother at the hospital with me, very clearly with a post-partum physique. But I do not resemble my family so that was always concerning lol.

What’s the best physical feeling in the entire universe? knowing someone else’s life is made better because of you

Have you ever grown a berry bush? Nope.

Have you done something new to your hair recently? I am about to chop it. I went brown again.

Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medication for it? I do not find myself feeling anxious hardly ever. 

One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? losing kile

What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? the boys kept saying how this was the most memorable holiday they’d had. 

How often do you have late nights out? Not often. Errrr.. when I do, it’s because I want to go out on my own and just be alone.

If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? I would prefer to work from home given the chance, but I’m not employed at the moment.

If you had the ability to change the weather, what would you change it to right now? A good thunderstorm, but to be honest then I would need to go cover the pool. So, as it is right now is fine.

Is there something that you really need to do, but can’t seem to get motivated to do it? Continue to go thru all my belongings. I’m just allowing myself time to be sad, grieve, mourn, move on.

Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? probably gremlins.

Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? I was accepted into my all-time dream schools. I was into honor societies I could never have imagined. I’ve traveled alone. 

Have you ever had food poisoning? Yup.

What are you listening to? sleepless in seattle

Do you think there will be a WWIII? I don’t think it would surprise me, necessarily. There is so much hate evident around this world.

Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? loooooooool. no. I smile all too much.

Has someone ever liked you that you never thought would? Mhmm, to the point where I questioned the legitimacy.

In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Kill ‘em with kindness. I think boundaries are important but I’d rather be hated for being overly kind, than to be unkind.

Has one of your friend’s boyfriends ever tried to cheat on them with you? I had a friend in HS who had a boyfriend who tried to grab my butt but I did not go for that.

Is mental abuse really as bad as physical abuse? absolutely.

Do you shop at Sephora for make-up? I am not wealthy.

Zelda: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I didn’t play either.

Do you own a rosary? no.

If you were homeless, how would you cope? I would go to one of those shelters and just work with the leaders to find a job and section 8 living.