#it changed the culture (we spent a whole year inside on our phones missing out now it’s terrifying to think you’ll miss the shot of a concer

[robertsbarbie]

the touring industry still hasn’t recovered from covid-19 and i don’t think people fully realize that

[jenomark]

Part 6: WinWin, The Catch

➔Pairing:  WinWin x Reader (Female)  ➔Other Members/ Characters: Lucas, Ten, Hendery, Xiaojun,  Kun, & YangYang ➔Genre: Smut (+ angst, + fluff, + plot) ➔Warnings: angst, mentions of sex, yelling, cursing ➔Word count: 6,455

➔Summary: You don’t know what you do. You don’t even know who you are. Some would call you a whore. Some would refer to you as a sex worker. All of your clients would say you’re damn good at your job.

MASTERLIST

FOUR MONTHS LATER

  Life is a whirlwind of many things: emotions, disappointment, new beginnings, and things too complicated to understand. It’s years of fuck-ups, of getting lost in the shit that hurts you, and finding out that sometimes the truth should stay buried. We’re meant to live life like it’s the last one we have, but a lot of us can’t even choose what to eat for dinner. Maybe that’s the joy in living, in just being. Maybe we should all be proud of being fuck-ups, instead of trying to be something we’re not.

“I don’t think life can get any sweeter than this.” WinWin said. 

 You tapped your glass against his, the frozen, pineapple liquid spilling down the sides. The taste of the drink is refreshing and so sweet it makes your teeth hurt, but you don’t care. You’re sitting on the beach in a plastic chair, the sun dipping into the ocean, and the company of a man you enjoy right next to you. Life, through its ups and downs, was finally looking up.

“I don’t want to go home.” you said. “Do you think people at work even miss me?”

WinWin laughed quietly, just a little wind through his nose. “I would miss you.”

“I bet you would.”

  Since coming to the island for the past week, you and WinWin left the hotel room many times. You went snorkeling, exploring different parts of the culture, ate gourmet dinners, and got massages by professionals who avoided your sunburnt shoulders. On the days when you couldn’t seem to make it out of the door, you both fucked on the beautiful white linen bed, sometimes with the sliding door open, and every time without any inhibition. 

“I miss you every day.” he said. He leaned over to kiss you, the taste of the drink on the edge of his lips. 

  When he brought out his phone to text his family back home, you let your eyes gape openly at his body. He was so pretty on the eyes, every muscle put to good use. You didn’t regret the order of the way things happened to fall together, just that you hadn’t met him sooner. It seemed lifetimes ago that you were hitting him up for one last bang of the century. You smiled at the memory, letting it salivate in your mind until he was done texting.

“Is everything okay?” you asked.

  WinWin took your hand, which was something he did whenever he was feeling affectionate. You liked the attention, the way he put his phone down and focused on answering your question. “My family are asking what time our flight home is tomorrow. And if I’ll stop by on the way back to my house.”

“Did you tell them yes?” you asked. “I miss your mother. She’s just the face I feel I need to see.”

“You don’t know how happy that makes me feel.”

  He leaned over and kissed you again. There was a cheeky look in his eyes, as if asking how easy it would be for you to straddle him on the beach chair and take his cock right there. Neither of you were sex fiends during your regular life back home, but vacation time meant making time for your relationship. 

  Luckily for the public, you were both interrupted by the waiter asking if you’d like a bite to eat. After declining, you both gathered up your things and practically ran back to the hotel for a night of fun and pleasure.

  It wasn’t love, exactly. You would be the first to admit that love was hardly a driving force in your life. At first, though lust was an option, you ruled it out fairly early. Your entrance into WinWin’s life was less about pleasing someone sexually and more about pleasing yourself. You stayed around him because he was different. Deep down, you hoped it wasn’t because he was a culmination of all the boys in your life- Ten and his safety, Hendery and his optimism, Xiaojun and his hunger for life, Kun and his stability, and YangYang’s wholesome friendship. He even had Lucas’ taste for laughter and fun. 

 For a while, you wanted it to be love. You wanted love at first sight to be a  real thing so badly. You saw WinWin, you knew he was the one, and you fucked him real good. You chose to let it be more. Still, months later, you chose to keep the relationship because there was always the possibility that you were both lovable. You could be normal, even get the 9-to-5 job and stop fucking people for money. It could happen for you. 

 The car ride home from the airport felt a little off. Being away from the ocean made you feel stale. You didn’t know how to face normalcy again, how to ease your way back into a city that held so many awful memories. But WinWin held onto you like he could solve everything, made you feel like you could be the adult you needed all your life. 

“We’re here.” WinWin said as the car pulled up to his mother’s house.

 She didn’t know her son paid for someone like you, or that he was the last one ever. As far as she knows, he met you out with friends, and the rest was history. She didn’t know about your past, didn’t seem interested in it either. She was the kind of woman that judged no one, that welcomed everyone through her door with a hug and a feast fit for kings. It was far removed from the family you had grown up with.

“You both look sun-kissed and beautiful.” she said, hugging you, and then tugging on the edge of WinWin’s ear. “ Welcome home. I made you a nice home cooked meal. I know it’s not as good as the 5 star food you’ve been eating for the past week.”

“Mom, I’m sure it’s delicious.” WinWin said. “And I am starving.”

“Me too.” you said. “It’s really nice for you to cook for us. I feel so thankful.”

 Being with WinWin’s family made you feel safer than you’d ever felt. They truly welcomed you into the fold. It was easy to imagine the rest of your life like this: taking vacations, coming back to meals cooked by a mother who cares, and being lovingly accepted into another family like you were one of their own. Your past could easily melt away, along with any of the bad taste that got stuck in your mouth.

  You felt yourself getting misty-eyed. Thankfully, WinWin’s mother didn’t notice. She walked away to tend to her meal, leaving both of you in her living room. Unfortunately for you, WinWin was also an attentive boyfriend. He noticed you were on the verge of tears right away. He wiped them away for you, his brown eyes looking concerned.

“Is everything okay?” he asked. 

You nodded. “Yeah, it’s fine. I think I’m just tired and overwhelmed.”

“Do you want to go home?”

“No, no.” you said quickly. “I’m happy to be here.”

  The smile WinWin gave you lit up your soul. He brought you in for a hug, his excitement growing in the childish way he had. You held him tightly, too afraid to let go.

No, it wasn’t love, but it wasn’t not love, either.

  That night, you made love.

  In the beginning of your relationship, all the men before him would pop into your mind. There was the roughness of Lucas, the tenderness of Ten, and the intensity of Hendery. Every so often, you wished WinWin was as good as Xiaojun was at oral. You incorporated the carefree attitude YangYang taught you into your sex life, taking WinWin for a wild spin. You avoided Kun, and every feeling he brought up within you. Every so often, you would dive back into the deep end and meet WinWin, and you would merge all the men together. He would never know, and you’d never ask if he had any inclination. 

  Something changed a few months in. The sex got better, and you were more present. You were with him for the whole time, pressing down on his chest and riding the high that belonged to only him. You fell hard. You two were good for each other, matched up right in all the best ways. He didn’t need help in any department. He was whole and complete, and he made you feel like a goddess. 

 “You’re thinking.” WinWin whispered, kissing your forehead.

 He pushed his cock deep inside of you, the words out of your mouth coming out breathless. “I’m not.”

  “Okay.” he said, giving up before he started.

 He fucked you so well that you both forgot about everything. It was only until you were dreaming that everything came rushing back. You dreamed of the men, of the paradise lost, of WinWin’s mother wishing you were her daughter-in-law.

  Office jobs on a Monday never once seemed glamorous, but it was all you needed to feel ordinary. You stayed at your desk and watched the screensaver on your desktop fade in and out, like a heartbeat. Cheek resting against the palm of your hand, you sighed. You waited for lunchtime like the rest of the office girls. You didn’t gossip, didn’t show anyone your new nails. Your desk wasn’t decorated, but you were settled in for a while. The company liked you so much that you moved on from being a temp really quickly, which either made people love you or hate you.

“How was vacation?” a colleague asked. 

  You had become one of those people that shows vacation photos on her phone. There was WinWin laying on the beach, his toned stomach covered in sand. There was a photo of you posing by the sign of a restaurant, your arms thrown around him and your leg popped up. You hardly recognized the girl in the photos, though you’d spent 20+ years in her body.

“I wish I were in your shoes.” she said. “Your boyfriend is dreamy.”

“Thank you.” you said. It was hard to keep the amusement out of your voice. You were used to women fawning over him because he was so handsome, but when it was a married women with five kids, it made you hope you’d never be like that. 

“It looked like such a nice little vacay.” she said. “So luxurious. How did you pay for all of that?”

“Savings.” you said.

  Though you weren’t doing sex work anymore, the money from your secret apartment felt like it was never ending. You had sold so many things that reminded you of the men you saw over the years, choosing the money and a better life for yourself. It didn’t bother WinWin that you had more money than him, though he wouldn’t let you buy him a damn thing.

“Lucky.” she said before moving back to her desk.

  Your eyelids were heavy, and the bottom of your feet sore. You dragged your feet through the doorway of your new, modest apartment, and threw your stuff down on the floor. You didn’t check your phone, just sat down on the couch and let your head fall back. You drifted off to sleep and only woke up to a knock on your front door. Picking yourself up, you walked over, swung it open, and screamed when WinWin picked you up and spun you around.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

 He kissed you passionately, letting your body slide down his before he let your feet plant on the floor. You felt breathless, and could tell that your face was hot just from seeing him again. There were days you kind of wanted to share a home with him, to see him every single day. Maybe then you wouldn’t be so taken aback by him every time you saw him in the flesh.

  You didn’t fully get a good look at him until he moved away from you and went over to the fridge for a drink. He was wearing a dark blue suit and his hair was slicked back from his forehead. He looked expensive, and the smell trailing behind him reminded you of the vacation you’d just left.

“What are you all dressed up for?” you asked.

“You and I are invited to a party.”

“A..party?” you asked. “On a Monday night? I’m exhausted. I just had my full day of work after a week of beauty and sunshine. Baby, the last thing I want to do is party.”

  Then, as if everything suddenly made sense, you remembered that your birthday was in a few days. Your mind was whirring. You didn’t want WinWin wasting money on some nice party when he’d put up more than his share for the vacation.

“Please.” he said, pouting. He took a drink from inside the fridge and set it on the counter. “I wouldn’t go without you.” 

“I don’t have anything to wear.”

“I’ve seen your closet. You have plenty of dresses.”

“I won’t know anyone there.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t tell you who was going.”

“I’m running out of excuses, aren’t I?” you asked.

  WinWin smiled and came over to hold you. “Yes. I’m not a party animal either, but for some reason, I really want to go to this one. It’s at that nice hotel downtown that was just built. Imagine a night full of cocktails and dancing, coming home and collapsing in my bed. Fun, right?”

  You closed your eyes. When you opened them, you said yes. After all, you didn’t want to ruin a possible surprise. WinWin picked you up and spun you again. ‘Round and ‘round in circles you went.

  The dress you wore was too tight. You felt so bloated in it that, on the car ride over, you kept fidgeting. WinWin calling you beautiful didn’t help, but the sulking definitely did. Arriving at the party made you so nervous that you forgot about the ill-fitting dress. You weren’t ready to be in front of people you loved, if it was a birthday party. You were stressed about who would attend, and who would not. 

“Holy fuck.” you said, looking up at the hotel it was being hosted at.

 In another life, it felt like you had been there before. It was much too swanky for your new taste, but there was something so familiar about the exterior that you couldn’t help but stare at it. The cream of the building and the black marble accents were stunning to look at, even more so than your date.

“We’ll stay no longer than two hours.” he said. “Does that sound good?” 

  You were unsure, but you did agree. He took your hand and led you across the street, the red satin dress you were wearing flying up with the wind. You smoothed your hair down with your free hand and walked through the revolving door with him. Inside, the building was even more gorgeous. It must have cost a pretty penny, and would have taken years to import all of the textures.

“Who invited you here?” you asked. “Someone from work?”

“My cousin.” he said. “ You’ve met him before.”

  You were whisked into a ballroom full of people. It was clear that, by the lack of people you knew, it was not a surprise birthday party for you. It made you a little sad, but you tried not to show it.

 Being among crowds was never fun for you, but feeling his hand on the small of your back relaxed you. You were thinking you could enjoy the night anyway, but WinWin walking away to fetch drinks made the fear creep up your spine again. You sat down at an empty table and scanned the hoards of people dressed in expensive designer clothes, your eyes raking it all in. You assessed that the reason you were so uncomfortable is because the environment reminded you too much of the life you had four months ago.

“Here.” WinWin said, setting your drink down.

  You took a big gulp and set it back down, watching strangely as the condensation from the glass formed a ring on the tablecloth. For a bit, WinWin sat with you and held your hand, his eyes watching people laughing and chatting along.

“I can’t find my cousin. He’s not answering his phone.” he said, not able to peel his eyes from the crowd. 

“Should we go look for him?” you asked.

  There was a weird tension in the pit of your belly. You pushed the drink away and vowed to not drink anymore. You joined WinWin in looking for his cousin, even though you didn’t know which one he was referring to. His family was big, and they all looked so different from each other, but they all had the same cute laugh and love of ordering things online. 

“Let’s dance.” WinWin said, rising to his feet.

  You looked at the hand stretched out before you. He was speaking and moving too quickly. You felt like you were being pulled in every direction. The lights of the ballroom chandeliers were too bright, the air too humid. Still, you took his hand and let him bring you to your feet.The heels were killing you, but they were the only shoe that matched the dress.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “You’re acting really weird. “

“Weird?” he asked. “How?”

“I don’t know.”

  You wiped sweat from your forehead and felt nauseous as he led you both around the floor. It was the first time you wished you were anywhere but with him. Being at home and sleeping sounded much more exciting than the truth of where you were. 

“Can I spin you?” he asked.

  Before you could tell him that he couldn't, WinWin spun you around. You held onto his shoulders and caught your breath. He spun you one more time, your body losing slight control, and then he let you go.

  All you could see were the lights in a blur before they stopped. You were too aware of the arm that had caught you. You looked down at the floor, at your feet crammed into your heels, then you closed your eyes tightly, and opened them again. You looked up and was met with a chest that didn’t belong to WinWin. Clutching the arms tightly, you used the body to bring yourself up all the way.

“Lucas.” you said, your voice shaky. 

 Dressed in a white button down and a light blue suit jacket, Lucas was there. His face was a little slimmer, but the same eyes were looking back at you. They were wide and hard, not a lick of concern in them. For a moment, you were transported back in time. It was where you were supposed to be, with the man you thought you were going to marry. You blinked and started looking for WinWin.

“You like him?” Lucas asked.

  You removed your hands from Lucas’ arms and he dropped them to his sides the same time you did. You looked into his eyes and tried to muster something to say. The last time you saw him, you couldn’t get the right words out. Your storyline was very much unfinished. 

“Does he check all the boxes?” Lucas asked. “Safe. Able to pay. Puts up with your lies and insecurities.” 

“What?”

  You looked over at the right time to see WinWin moving up to your side. You felt relief. You waited for him to berate Lucas for talking to you that way, a hero to save the day. Instead, he held out his hand to Lucas, as if asking him to dance.

“Four months.” WinWin said to him. “I want extra for having to sleep with her so many times.”

  Lucas opened his jacket and took out a wad of bills. He peeled out so many pieces of paper that you lost count of them all. “Here is half. You get the rest of the money in a while.”

  WinWin took the bills without counting them and tucked them into his own jacket. He gave you the tiniest apologetic glance before walking away. Confused, you started to walk after him but was stopped by Lucas' big arm.

“What are you doing?” you asked. “I’m following my boyfriend. Let me go.”

“Your boyfriend?” Lucas asked. “Wow, you really bought it. The con artist gets conned.” 

 Your brain was trying its hardest to make sense of what Lucas was saying. Any minute now, you would wake up from your nap on the couch and you wouldn’t be standing in the middle of a hotel ballroom with your ex-boyfriend. When that didn’t happen, you stormed off across the dance floor, your eyes searching for WinWin. You took out your phone and began texting, but a big paw of a hand snatched the phone from you.

“He won’t text back.” Lucas said.

“Give me that.” you said, swiping at him. “Why are you here? Did you follow us?”

Lucas laughed. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what? You’re a psycho.” you said. “You broke up with me, remember? You left me. Let me live my life. I’m happy.”

  Without your phone, you walked outside, through the revolving door and down the rabbit hole. You could hear Lucas’ heavy  footsteps behind you. When you were out of earshot, he placed his hand on your shoulder gently and spun you around to face him.

“Give me my phone, or I will call the police.” you said, not enough bravado in your voice.

  Lucas handed you the phone, but you yanked it from his hands anyway. There were no messages from WinWin, and nothing of note. You looked for the car you arrived in but it was gone. You swallowed the lump in your dry throat and closed your eyes again.

“Why did you hand him money, and where did he go? What was he talking about?” you asked. It was the question you’d wanted to ask all along but was too afraid to ask.  “Please, nothing snarky. Tell me the truth.”

“The truth? Like you told me the truth?” Lucas asked.

“Lucas, please.”

“I don’t owe you anything.”

  You were facing him head on, tears rolling down your face. Everything felt too chaotic, too blinding. Your thoughts were swimming in your mind, each one making no sense from the last. If what you believed to be true was true, you needed to know how it all went down.

“I set you up.” he said. “Sicheng, that’s his real name, was never interested in you. I paid him to like you, to fuck you. “

“He was my client.”

“Wrong.” Lucas said. He moved out of the way so that people could pass by. “I paid him to pursue you. It wasn’t easy, I’ll give you that. I had actually given up hope, but then you came right in at the end.”

“You’re lying to me.”

“I’m not.” Lucas chuckled darkly. “I paid him thousands of dollars. I paid for your vacation. I’m thousands in debt, but hey, who cares. I finally did it.”

“Did what?” you asked, wiping a hot tear from your cheek.

“Humiliated you the way you humiliated me.” he said. “Fucking guys for money behind my back? Why couldn’t you just cheat like normal people? Fuck, I wanted to marry you.”

  It was quiet, the traffic from the sidewalk dying down. You leaned against the side of the building and felt how truly tired your body was. The fire in Lucas’ eyes calmed down a little bit, too.

“I know.” you said quietly. “I saw the ring.”

“Shit, you really fell for everything.” he said. “I planted that ring. I thought that if you believed I was going to propose, you would catch yourself in the lie. I thought you were smarter than me, but tonight proves that theory. You’re not smart at all. You should have seen your face when you saw the house key. ”

“Why would you do this to me?” you screamed, grabbing the attention of someone waiting in traffic.

“You did this to yourself, sweetheart.”

 You turned around and put your arm against the wall, leaning your head down against it. “I don’t understand. WinWin and I are a real couple. I’ve been with his family and his friends. I love him.”

“The family thing wasn’t my idea.” he said. “I had nothing to do with that, but I find it funnier this way. How does it feel being so blind-sided that it’s ruined your life?” 

“Fuck you.”

“No.” he said. “Fuck you. Exactly, how many people have you slept with? Did you get tested before you fucked me?”

  You walked away, walking down the street to God knows where. You groaned when he kept following you, and you stopped in front of a well-lit display window. In the light, you could see how beat your reflection was. The dress was pretty,  but your insides were shining out and they were ugly.

“You thought you could fool me.” Lucas said. “I followed you to some places, you know? Saw all the freaks you were with. That one guy? Hendery? I talked to him, acted like I was a stranger. He was so fucking in love with you that I was jealous. Can you believe that? I was jealous of someone who had you about as much as I did. It’s a real shame what you did to him.”

“Shut up.”

“He thought you would be together forever.” Lucas mocked.

“You don’t know a thing about Hendery.”

“Wrong again.” he said. “I know a lot about men like Hendery. The sad, rejected men that tried to love you. I was one of them.”

  You checked your phone again, your last attempt at hope. All you wanted was to see WinWin’s name pop up, to text you that he was bringing the car around, and that he was going to take you away from the crazy man before you. 

“If you knew....” you began, feeling dejected. “...why did you let it go on for so long?” 

  Lucas seemed to really think about the answer. In the light, he looked so handsome and young. You were reminded of the man he was when you first met him. You felt a little pang in your chest where your heart used to be.

“I guess I wanted to see if you would change, if you would love me.”

“I did love you.”

There was hurt and anger in Lucas’ eyes. “Loved me enough to cheat on me?”

“It was just a job.”

“Was I just a job, too?” he asked. “ I knew about the extra apartment. I really meant nothing to you.”

“This conversation is going nowhere.” you said. “I’m sorry I did that to you. I should have been upfront about who I was and what I was doing with my body. I fucked up, and I fucked your life up. And you, in return, fucked me up for the rest of my life.”

“This isn’t my fault. This is your fault.”

“I don’t care whose fault it is, Lucas.” you said. “You and I were done. We never would have lasted.”

“So, you strung me along to make yourself feel better?” he asked.

“No I-”

“-Like you did with Sicheng.” he said. “I’m not an idiot. I know the ins and outs of everything that happened in the last few months. It’s a cycle. The people you fuck keep you feeling better about yourself long enough for you to move on to a new one. I was just the unfortunate asshole getting caught in the middle.”

“I’m not talking about this right now.”

“And there it is, the denial.” he said. “Look at how you turn away from me when I tell you the truth. All those men and not one of them could ever call you out on your bullshit? Where is the love there, huh? Where are any of them now?”

You threw your hands up into the air. “I don’t know. They’re not here, Lucas. You hate me so much, but you’re the only one here. The last man standing. Congratulations, you did it.”

  A car pulled up to the curb. You texted a friend for a ride, someone you didn’t know quite well. You didn’t have anyone else. While Lucas was talking, you were figuring out how best to run away from him. The knowledge hit you hardest where it hurts. You didn’t think anything could ever be the same again.

“I have to go.” you said. “I can’t be here anymore.”

“Yeah? Just like that?”

You held the car door open. “Yeah. Just like that, Lucas.”

“And you don’t have anything else to say?” he asked.

“I do, actually.” you said. “To those I’ve fucked and fucked over, I’m sorry.”

THREE YEARS LATER- LUCAS

  He stood very still, so still that he could hear the tiny giggling coming from the other room. Lucas smiled to himself and tried to ignore it as best he could. If there was one thing he was good at, it was acting.

“Ready or not, here I come!” he yelled, his voice booming. He loved pulling silly voices. It was something that brought him so much joy. “You better not come out until I find you-u-u-u-u-u.”

  With the heaviest of footsteps, Lucas walked across his house. It was dramatic the way he walked, and it only brought out another tinkle of laughter from the east side of the house. Lucas walked into another room and made fake footsteps like he was walking away.

 There, in the corner, the top of a tiny head peeked out from behind a toy box. As if sensing him, the head poked back down. Lucas fought the urge to laugh. He played dumb and moved around the room, loudly checking behind places no human could hide behind.

“It’s very difficult to find her.” he said. “I wonder if she is in this room.”

 Another giggle, another pull at his heart strings. Before he could move over to the toybox, a little girl ran out from behind it and into his arms. 

“Daddy! Daddy!” she yelled, giggling as her father Lucas scooped her up into his arms. “You found me!” 

  Lucas swung her around and planted kisses all over her heart-shaped face. His happiness was always with her, even when it was hidden. Lucas set his daughter down and knelt down to her level.

“Now,” he said, his face serious. He tried not to laugh as his daughter put on a serious face, too. “Now, we have to find mommy.”

 With her hand in his, they walked through the house to look for the missing puzzle piece of their family. 

THREE YEARS LATER- TEN

“What is love to you?” 

 Ten sat across from his date. There was something in the question that made him cock his head to the side. His smile lit up when the person sitting across from him broke out into a similar smile, a clear embarrassment striking them unannounced. 

“Don’t be embarrassed.” Ten said. “It’s a fair question. Do you have an answer for it?”

“I don’t.” 

“Well, I do.” Ten said.

  It was Ten’s assertiveness that got him the date in the first place. That, and the way he was so open about everything. He didn’t know if the person across from him was his soulmate, or if he even believed in that. Still, it was fun getting to know someone. In a way, it was like getting to know yourself. 

“I think love is everything.” he said. “I think it’s in everything. It’s in the company you keep, in the weather you wish was different. Love is a painful reminder that not everything can stay the same. It’s the gentle way someone wishes you a good day. It’s an old blanket that smells like memories from long ago. Love is scary, but scary things are fun, too. We all want love, and we all want to be loved. It’s hope, and it’s full. I used to think love is never being left, but now I think leaving someone often means loving them so much that you do what is best for them. Love is...yeah..I love love.” 

THREE YEARS LATER- XIAOJUN

  He lit the candles, one on each end of the table. Getting lost in the flame was an option, but Xiaojun had many steps to take. He smoothed out the table cloth, the fine linen unwrinkling before his eyes. There was peace in watching everything come together, in the controlling things. 

“Perfect.” he whispered.

  Moving around the table, he fixed two of everything, even two napkins of the prettiest shade. The dishes resting on the table were cleaned so properly that not even a stray hair found its way there. The drinking glasses were sparkling. He could see his reflection in them both, his handsome face full of content.

“Whaaa, so perfect.”

 Xiaojun took a seat in one of the chairs. He felt the wood of the armrest, a seat fit for a king, and he smiled to himself. The dinner jacket he was wearing was a little oversized, but it was pressed in a way that made him feel happy.

 A man walked into the room and served food on both sides of the table, the tastiest feast money could buy. A bottle of wine was tipped into the glasses, not a drop wasted.

“Thank you.” Xiaojun said softly.

  After the waiter disappeared, he looked at the empty chair on the other side of the table. The steam from the food rose up high, and with it, Xiaojun’s expectations. He took one savory bite of food. After, he took a bow to the seat that would remain empty for the rest of his life.

THREE YEARS LATER- KUN

“Therapy is at five p.m, don't be late.” she said.

“I don’t know why we’re going to therapy if we’re not going to work on our marriage.” Kun said. “Please help me understand.”

  His ex-wife looked at him like she saw right through him. She was unbothered, not willing to waste a single emotion on the man before her. “It’s for the children.” was all she said before she got into her car and drove away.

  Kun sat by himself on his front porch swing for a long time. His new house was smaller and bought with his own money. There was only enough room for him, and for his children whenever they wanted to see their dad on the weekends. With the end of his marriage, everything else seemed to go, too. He no longer had a job after getting caught having an another affair with one of the real teaching assistants. He figured it was a fair bit of karma for all the bad things he’d done, but it still didn’t make it an easy pill to swallow.

 Occasionally, he would call your old phone number in hopes that you’d pick up, but you never did. It was probably for the best.

THREE YEARS LATER- YANGYANG

  The massive backpack on his back made him sway a little. He found it so funny that he couldn’t read any of the signs in the foreign language. He’d met a lot of people on his travels, and each one found it charming that he was so carefree and kind. All it took was a smile from YangYang and the citizens were cured.

“Where are you going?” a traveler he had just met asked. He was an older man, way older than YangYang’s grandfather. He’d decided to travel and live a bit after his wife died. He was everything YangYang aspired to be, maybe, without all of the death.

“I don’t know.” YangYang said. “I guess, wherever the wind takes me.”

“Well, that’s a start.” the man said. “The train is here. Best go on your way, then.”

 YangYang felt sad about having to say goodbye to the man. It was always like that over the last few years. He struck up conversations with so many good people, all of their stories worth telling, and then he’d have to say goodbye. Occasionally, they would exchange social media and whatever, but it never felt the same.

“This was nice.” YangYang said. “I really enjoyed hearing stories about your wife. She sounds like someone I would have liked.”

“You would have.” the old man said, his gaze on some distant memory. “Have safe travels and remember what I said, kid. Never stop. Take care.”

  YangYang accepted the man's clap on his shoulder, even though it made him sway even more. The train stopped before him, windows slipping by. In the reflection as it slowed down, he thought he saw someone that looked an awful lot like you behind him, but when he turned around, no one was there.

THREE YEARS LATER- HENDERY

  Since it was raining, the park was empty. Since he considered himself an idiot, he didn’t bring an umbrella. 

 Hendery approached the park bench like it was a bomb that could explode any minute. He looked around before taking off his jacket and stretching it across the surface to soak up some of the water. Then, he sat down and looked out over the grass. He blinked rain off his eyelashes and looked down at his lap. He did everything he could but check his phone. Over time, he looked up at the sky and let the water droplets hit his face. When he had done all the waiting he could do, he got up from the bench. 

“Well.” he said, looking down at his soaked jacket.

 Hendery picked it up from the bench and flung it over his shoulders. He took one last longing look at the bench for beginning to walk away. He was stopped by footsteps coming up from behind him. He turned around, placed the jacket back on the bench and sat down again. Hands on his knees, he stared straight ahead.

“You’re late.” he said.

  The person sat beside him on the bench, their hands on their knees, staring straight ahead. At the same time, the person and Hendery looked at each other. 

 There wasn’t an apology you could say that would fit the crime. Hendery knew that. He looked straight ahead again, but he moved one hand from his knee and used it to hold yours. Your clasped hands sat between you on the bench, solid and true.

 You looked at him before staring straight back ahead. Though it was pouring now, and your skin was slimy and your clothes wet all the way through, you didn’t seem to mind anymore.

[fierysafrina]

Be with you | Simeon x reader

Fandom: Obey Me! Rating: General Word Count: 1.920 Genre: Fluff | Romance | Comedy Summary: Simeon’s sudden visit takes you by surprise and you’re convinced he lives to see you have a breakdown. Notes: At first I wanted to write this idea for Satan, but there’s a certain angel that needs as much love as he can get because I’d die for him ;-; I tried to go with comedy at some parts and I hope it makes you laugh from all the angst and hurt I’ve been writing and still will write.

This (and all other oneshots) are also cross-posted on AO3 under “I fell in love with the devil” title by Kyra_Gold (that me) if you wish to follow it.

A couple of months had passed since your exchange student program was finished. Now with a degree, you were living in all your comfort of a small apartment. You still weren’t sure how that one year at Devildom was approved when searching for a job, but you didn’t question it. You didn’t want to know of their tricks.

You still received visits from the brothers—especially Mammon, Leviathan and Satan—while you also went to visit them every once in a while. You kept in contact with Solomon, often talking to each other over the phone of his new schemes, getting a new pact and tempting you into the same fate. But just like every time before, you kindly refused. Having seven brothers on your back was already enough and you were quite certain you couldn’t handle any other demon.

Holding a bag of groceries, you were walking back towards your apartment, looking at your phone. Solomon sent you another photo of him and, what you quickly realized was, a new pact. You found it rather amusing there was still a place for a new one on his body. You were smiling at the message and didn’t miss blond hair in the corner. Narrowing your eyebrows, you looked closer at the photo. “Is that Luke or Asmo?” you murmured to yourself when you spotted a shadow looming over your shoulder, speaking;

“I believe it’s Luke.”

Your eyes widened as you spun around, mouth open and ready to scream only to freeze midway. “Simeon?!” you hissed and held for your chest, feeling your heart beat hard and fast against your chest. “Don’t scare me like that!”

“I apologize,” He chuckled. “I didn’t think you get scared so easily.”

“I don’t!” you were quick to oppose with a huff. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to pay you a visit.” He smiled and took a step closer.

Your lips betrayed you into a small smile. "Thank you," you replied when he reached for the bag. “Ever the gentleman.” you couldn’t help to tease him.

Simeon's eyes widened before he averted his gaze, obviously looking embarrassed. With his other free hand, he scratched his cheek, hiding part of his face. You chuckled and slowly began to continue your way. Simeon was quick to follow, walking right by your side.

“How’s heaven?” you decided to break the silence that was unmistakable.

“Heaven’s fine.” He answered, a smile heard in his voice, not only visible. “Luke is quite upset with Solomon for making another pact.”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “I wonder how many pacts he has. Last he said it was over seventy.”

“Could be around eighty.” Simeon mused.

“Or maybe a hundred. Who knows.” You grinned only to come to a stop in front of the Cultural Center. There was music coming from the inside and you leaned slightly forward, eyes focused on open doors.

Simeon blinked at you before he looked towards the doors, a small smile spreading across his lips. He looked up into the sky, noticing a couple of clouds as they slowly moved around.

An idea came to him. Looking back at you, Simeon put the bag on a bench nearby and walked behind you. He reached out with his hand, his fingers intertwined with yours. His sudden contact made you turn his way, confusing you. You didn’t have time to ask him what’s wrong, because the next moment he twirled you around before his other hand came to rest on your back as you faced him.

Your eyes widened, cheeks heating up in a matter of seconds and Simeon laughed. You leaned your head against his shoulder. “What do you think you’re doing?” you murmured, voice muffled.

“I want to dance with you.”

Your whole body grew warmer and you groaned. “Stop saying such embarrassing things.” You hissed, but his laughter only grew as he slowly moved both of you on the spot. You dared to sneak a look around only to feel relief when you didn’t see anyone watching you. Even if you saw anyone, they only spared you a glance, but continued their way. A small smile spread across your lips and you completely surrendered to Simeon’s lead.

“I miss talking to you.” Simeon spoke after a moment.

You blinked and looked at him. “W-what?” you couldn’t help the stutter.

“I miss talking to you.” He repeated, his expression gentle, warm. “I miss our talks. Hearing you joke with Solomon, defending Luke whenever the brothers teased him. I miss you.”

“But we’re here now.” You smiled.

You felt his arm bringing you closer to him and you felt your cheeks heat up once more. You couldn’t tell him your feelings for him that you bore since the moment you met him in RAD. He was an angel and nothing good ever came when a human fell for them. Yet in that moment you felt everything around you disappear as you focused on his warm touch that only seemed to pull you closer. Even when he released you, you still felt the warmth on your back, where his hand was, and you wanted him to pull you back in. You wanted him to hold you again. But the music already ended.

“Do you feel unwell?” Simeon’s voice was quiet and you found yourself staring at him. He placed the back of his hand against your forehead, eyebrows narrowing. “You don’t seem to have fever…” he murmured more to himself than you, but being so close you leaned into his touch when he caressed your cheek.

Closing your eyes, you felt a finger go over your lips and you smiled.

Pulling his hand away, you opened your eyes when you felt something much softer press against your lips. Eyes growing wide, all you saw was Simeon standing so close to you with his eyes closed. Your heart skipped a beat and you unconsciously closed your eyes. You felt a smile spread across his lips.

You unconsciously held on his jacket, gripping tighter as you returned the kiss. You didn’t want him to pull away, but he did. A pout was quick to form on your lips and Simeon laughed. Your cheeks and ears were burning as Simeon caressed your cheek.

You weren’t sure what to say, to ask, but you still heard yourself saying; “What was that for?”

Simeon hummed, a smile still present. “I felt like it.”

That made you raise an eyebrow. “Aren’t angels like … prohibited to do that?”

Simeon’s smile faltered, but it didn’t disappear. It tugged on your heartstrings, regretting to ask him. Before you could speak and change the topic, Simeon said; “While that may be the case, when feelings are genuine, they don’t exactly have a say in it.”

“Are you thinking of rebelling?” you couldn’t help but tease.

“Not exactly,” he laughed, shaking his head. He held your hand and raised it to press a kiss on your knuckles. “I’m searching for ways. For us to be together.”

You bit your lower lip and looked away in shyness when you heard the orchestra begin to play once again. You shuddered beneath his piercing blue eyes and warm breath tickling your skin. You noticed a bit too late that he leaned back in, his lips on your cheek trailing towards the edge of your mouth. You moved your head slightly, wanting to hide, but he had none of it. With his other hand, he held your chin in place, preventing you to move freely.

“S-Simeon…” you whispered, your eyes meeting with his.

“Hm?” he hummed, becoming a bit daring by stepping closer to you, his kisses trailing to your jawline instead.

You looked around, turning your head enough to give him access to move on your neck. Spotting a couple of people looking your way, expression either baffled or those of dissatisfaction, you couldn’t help but feel mortified. “W-why don’t we go t-to my h-home?” you managed to stutter out.

Pulling away, Simeon could sense the embarrassment and he chuckled as he held your hand and walked you to the bench, where he put down the bag, and picked it up.

“You’ve become quite bold…” you murmured under your breath, but he heard you clearly.

“I spent one year in Devildom.”

Swatting at his upper arm, he laughed. “If Mammon saw you kissing me, he’d flip.”

“Well, Solomon did mention once that sometimes demons can feel what humans—who make a pact with them—feel. Of course if their emotions overwhelm them.” He shortly explained, making your eyes wide.

“Why did you say that?” you whined, burying your face in your hands. “I have a pact with seven demons, who are quite strong may I add, and if they learn of … whatever we have—” you gestured between your bodies, which made Simeon raise an eyebrow; “—I don’t even want to imagine what they can do.” You shuddered, remembering the wrath you felt a couple of times.

“If it makes you feel better,” Simeon began slowly, reaching for your hand; “I talked with Lucifer about us.”

You narrowed your eyebrows. “That actually doesn’t make me feel any better.” You admitted, feeling your heart pacing up. “As a matter of fact, it makes me feel worse. Who knows in what state Devildom is if he told anyone…” you trailed off, visibly shivering at the thought. “You know what,” you pursued your lips into a thin line. “Suddenly I really don’t want to go home. Is it possible to visit the Celestial realm?” you looked at him and he laughed. “I’m serious. I’m pretty sure demons can’t go into heaven without ending in a fight with angels, can they?”

“As far as my memory reaches, Diavolo and his father are the only exception since they’re royalty and even then they don’t have permission to come as they seem fit.”

“Brilliant!” you grinned. “I really wanted to see heaven one day.” Coming to a sudden stop, you looked at Simeon, who was still smiling. “Wait a second…” you murmured, turning his way completely. “Did you actually go to Lucifer, the oldest of the brothers, and actually told him of all demons about us?”

“Now that you mention it, it certainly felt like asking your parents for your hand.”

You blinked before your eyes grew wide like Simeon just grew another head.

“He’s very overprotective of you, which doesn’t surprise me.” Simeon continued, completely disregarding your baffled expression. “I do expect all brothers calling and cursing me. Especially Mammon, Leviathan and Belphegor, so to speak.”

“You’re way too calm about this.” You exasperated. “I feel weight on my shoulders as you tell me all this. Simeon,” You held him by the upper arms, staring into his eyes. “These are demons we’re talking about.”

“I know,” he nodded, expression softening. “It’ll be alright. I just want to be with you, [Name]. Is that a crime?” He cupped your face, leaning his forehead on yours. “I want to be with you and I don’t want to miss another day. If it means going against my kin and brothers, so be it.”

Without hesitation, you pressed your lips against his, feeling yourself melt into his embrace as the bag he held slipped through his fingers and on the ground. You wrapped arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he placed his hands on your waist. This time you weren’t afraid to whisper those three words that you wanted to this whole time.

Simeon smiled and he pulled away just a bit to whisper; “I love you,” back before kissing you once more.

[swiftlymoniquesblog]

A Real-Life Disney Prince: Chris Evans x Reader

Summary: Reader reminds Chris that he is, in fact, a real-life Disney Prince.

A/N: Hello friends! I am so excited for this because it’s my first time writing for Chris Evans! I may not talk about him as much but I LOOOOOOOVE him! He is an absolute cutie and I love him with my whole heart! I may or may not have had to watch The First Avenger for inspiration but it’s fine! I hope everyone likes this one; please leave feedback!

Warnings: A bit of sadness and missing someone but LOTS of fluff! 

Word Count: 1,966

Marvel Masterlist| Masterlist of all Masterlists

Requests are open! Feedback welcome! Tag list requests open!

Almost every little girl longs to be a princess and since the 1920s, Disney has been the mastermind behind the world of princesses. They knew how to capture the attention of girls young and old from around the world, on what being a princess is all about. Over the decades, however, these ideals change. More and more skin tones, backgrounds, and cultural influences have changed these princesses. Not every princess desires to fall in love with prince charming, has the influence of magical singing animals or fairy godmothers to guide them on how to be a princess. Now, there are stories of real-life stories of struggles to conquering them that draw a vaster group of individuals. Anyone from any background can be represented in films and that is overall, the greatest representation of the human race. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. Are there ways representation needs to change? Of course! But you need to start somewhere and now the tables are turning.

Never in a million years did you think you’d find yourself with one of these ‘princes.’ Sure, you believed in love and believed in a happily ever after of sorts, but what you didn’t know, was you’d have your own version of Prince Charming. He came in the form of an actor; tall, handsome, bright blue eyes. He was brilliant when he stood in front of a camera, immediately capturing your attention. Hailing from Boston and taking the world by storm with his one recurring role, he won the world over and took his character into the real world. With all different movies under his belt, how did you manage to date someone like him? Well, it wasn’t something you’d ever expected; isn’t that when they say you find ‘the one?’ Your story, however, is nothing close to traditional but that is what makes it interesting.

“Hey, (y/n), I know I said I was supposed to be coming home soon, but they asked me to stay on set longer. I know, we had plans and I am sorry for having to cancel them. I feel like a shitty boyfriend and you deserve to be treated so much better, but I promise, as soon as I get home, I am all yours. I love you,”

Your boyfriend left a voice message on your phone, leaving some of the worst news you can imagine; he wasn’t going to make it home. At this point, you were really surprised he was canceling because his demand as an actor was through the roof, but you never wanted to stand in the way of his job, something you knew he was passionate about. Dating Chris Evans was no easy task but you knew that when you agreed to go out with him. You’d been friends for a few years before he finally admitted he had felt more than friendship for you. His schedule though, was constantly changing and it was hard for you to keep up with, but even being in the beginning stages of your relationship, you knew he was special and worth the time.

You sigh, disappointed that he wasn’t coming back yet, so you gather up your things and load them into your car. You had plans to spend a week with him at his place in Boston, as he would take you around and show you where he grew up. But now, you figured that wasn’t the best idea so you packed up and went to stay at your best friend’s apartment. When she heard about the new of Chris, she offered you a place to stay, in hopes that would take your mind off the disappointment you felt. He spent so much time at your place, that everything there, reminds you of him. Thinking it was the best decision for you, you agreed and were now on your way to your friend’s house.

“They, thanks Angela for letting me stay here for a bit,” you say as Angela opens the doors and lets you inside, hugging you before you had a chance to put your bags down.

“Oh, of course! I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you right now. I know you were looking forward to Chris coming home and going to Boston with him. But he’ll be home soon; I have a good feeling,” she said, helping you settle into your shared room.

“I hope so,” you say, not knowing Angela was absolutely right.

A few days had passed and you did everything in your power to keep yourself busy. Anything to keep Chris off your mind, you’d do it, but it was no easy task. In a short period of time, he had become the most important person in your life and he took over every thought in your mind. You kept busy with work and when you weren’t working, you spent your free time cleaning around the apartment and volunteering in your community. Ultimately, your attempts failed; he was always on your mind. At least you kept yourself busy. A week-and-a-half had gone by, and Angela said she had a surprise for you.

“What are you planning?” You ask, questioning your friend the next morning at breakfast.

“Not me, well sort of me, I helped a friend plan something, but I can’t say what it is,” she rambled for a minute, causing you to laugh at the way her words ran together.

“Whoa, whoa, take an easy, Angela, one word at a time! Now, this surprise, what do I have to do?” You ask, tilting your head to the side like a puppy.

“All you need to do is stay in today; don’t go out,” she says.

“What? But I had plans to get my nails done and go to lunch with my Mom!” You whine, not believing what she was asking of you.

“It’s okay, I canceled your appointment twenty-four hours ago and called your Mom to reschedule lunch,” Angela said.

“Why do I need to stay at home? What’s going on?” You ask, now really questioning what was happening.

“All good things to those who wait,” Angela says, winking at you. That was odd; she knew that was something Chris always says so why was she saying it now?

She had left the room to get herself ready for her day, before leaving for the day. Oh, so she could go out but you couldn’t? As angry as you were, you had to put that all aside. You could definitely use a day off since you’d been busying yourself with not thinking about Chris. Deciding to take Angela’s advice, you stayed in your pajamas and cooked up some food for breakfast. However, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop thinking of Chris. He loves breakfast and loved having lazy days at home with you and Dodger.

After you finished eating, your emotions of the last week-and-a-half, got the better of you. Another message from Chris was left on your phone.

“Hi babe, I miss you. I was just thinking about you today, well every day really. It’s been too long since I’ve seen that pretty face of yours or held you in my arms and the thought of all those things, is what is keeping me going right now. I’ll be home before you know it; I promise. I love you.”

At a few months of the relationship, Chris admitted first that he loved you. Normally, you wouldn’t jump to those three little words so soon but you had known Chris for monger than you two had been dating and you knew from the very start, that you loved him. Grabbing some blankets and pillows from your room, you head into the living room, wrapping a blanket around you and a few pillows for you to lie on, and spread out on the couch. With the remote in your hand, you switch to Disney+ to find a movie. Seeing the tabs at the top of the screen of the movie collections, your heart breaks momentarily but you go along with your plan. The tab? Marvel. You scroll through all the Marvel films and land on one of your favorites with a great performance from Chris; Captain America: The First Avenger. Where we were introduced to Steve Rodgers and Captain America for the very first time. Just as the movie was reaching a vital part, a knock on the door interrupted your attention. You groan at whoever was crazy enough to interrupt you in the middle of a movie, you unwrap yourself from the cocoon you made for yourself and answer the door.

“Oh my God,” you say, unbelieving who you were seeing before you with a bouquet of roses in his arm.

“Ah, there’s my girl,” Chris said, smirking at your surprised facial expression.

Without another spoken word, you throw yourself into his waiting arms, the flowers dropping to the ground at your feet. He holds you tight and spins you around as you bury your face in his shoulder. He was right; it was too long since you two saw the other. It wasn’t until you were both inside that he set you back down, and he took the empty space of the couch next to you.

“What are you doing home so soon?” You ask, surprised to see your boyfriend sitting beside you.

“I finished my time on set. They said I could go home so I jumped on the next plane out and here I am,” he says, smiling at you. “I am so glad I am home to my girl.”

“I can’t believe you’re here, Chris. I missed you so much,” you say, scooting over on the couch and cuddling into his side. His arms find their way back to you so you nuzzle your head on his chest.

“Oh, so we’re watching me, huh?” He jokes, seeing the movie had been stopped on a shot of him in full patriotic uniform.

“Oh no, we can turn that off. I have something better we can watch.” Fishing for the remote that somehow lodged itself deep in the couch cushions, you turned off Captain America and found another Disney movie; Beauty and the Beast.

“So, I see, this is what you want to watch,” he says more as a question than a statement.

“Yeah, because I think our story is similar to Belle and Beast,” you state.

“So, you think I’m a big hairy monster?” He jokes and you laugh.

“No, I don’t think that! But you are a real-life Disney Prince you know?”

“I am?” He asks, genuinely wondering about what you meant.

“Yeah! Because you did films for Marvel for what, 10 years or so? And you were a leading character too! And since Marvel is owned by Disney, then, you are a Disney prince,”

He stopped for a minute to think about your comparison, and then smiled to himself.

“You know what, you’re right. I guess I’ve been living out a childhood dream for a long time now. Thanks for making me realize it,” he said, leaving a lingering kiss on your lips.

“So, how long are you home for?” You ask, afraid of his answer.

“Until the next project comes up. I don’t know when that’ll be but right now, I want to enjoy every minute with my girl,” he says, rubbing a thumb across his shoulder.

“Well, I hope you don’t have to go anytime soon; I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby. And we still have our trip to Boston coming up and I have quite a few surprises up my sleeve,” he says winking at you.

“I can’t wait,” you say.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Chris,” you say, cuddling back into him and enjoying the movie with your own Disney Prince.

Taglist: @tloveswriting​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ @to-my-beloved-fandoms-2​ @damn-stark​ @lunalovecroft​ @calaofnoldor​ @angeredcrow​ @marvelfansworld​ @440mxs-wife​ @hobby27​ @lovabletomholland​

[holidaywishes]

our love story begins...

part seven: our love story begins...

  Summary: You keep your promise to Freddie on the flight from Denmark to Vienna; Wedding planning with your Oma and Opa gets a little stressful and baby Vita is finally welcomed into the world

  Warning: Fluff, some mile high club smut, a bit of a time jump from the last chapter, pregnancy but nothing descriptive

  Author’s Note: I haven’t added to this in over a year and I’m so sorry! I’ve been wanting to continue this story for months but I got caught up in Netflix and Outer Banks and writing those fics and requests and trying to find a job because of being laid off and then just submerging myself in YouTube videos that I haven’t been able to continue this one but I’ve gone back and read the most recent chapter of this series and I’m here to keep going. Because it’s been a year since I last added to the story, the whole pregnancy in this one might be a little jumbled and not so factually accurate -- as in, I’m pretty sure (Y/N) would have more than just a bump at this point and she would be in close to her third trimester and therefore, shouldn’t be flying -- but I know nothing about actual pregnancies so that’s where we’re at. With all the trade rumours constantly swirling, I’m always anxious when I see a new article, post or tag about Freddie and I think that everyone has some of that anxiety as well so I wanted to flood the tags with some fics about the Ginger Goalie. So, I guess what I’m saying is, prepare yourself for a good three or four chapters in this series in the next couple weeks. Lots of love <3 *GIF NOT MINE, DON’T @ ME. FOUND IT ON GOOGLE, SAVED IT, WENT BACK BUT COULDN’T FIND IT AGAIN. LOOKED IN GIF SEARCH AND IT WASN’T THERE EITHER SO 🤷‍♀️*

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  “We’ll see you soon right?” Charlotte asked as she hugged you goodbye

  “We-”

  “We’ll try,” Freddie interrupted before giving his mom a kiss on the cheek and a hug goodbye, “but we have to go now, Mom”

  “I’ll keep you up to date on the wedding planning and everything” you replied, smiling at Charlotte as Freddie made his way toward the gate

  “We love you both, have a safe flight” she smiled at you before you gave her a hug, squeezing her tightly until Freddie called to you

  “We’re going to miss the flight!” Freddie yelled, forcing you to sigh as Charlotte let you go

  “We’re fine!” you yelled back but when he scowled at you, you knew you had to pick up the pace

  “It’s okay, (Y/N), go ahead. We don’t want you to miss your flight”

  “I’m sorry” you whispered to all of them before you ran toward the gate to meet your fiancé. Once he got you to board the plane, he made sure to quickly hug his siblings and kiss his mom goodbye once more; making your heart flutter and melt all at once. When the two of you finally sat down in your seats, you stared at him with such devotion until he couldn’t ignore you anymore

  “What?” he said, turning his head to look at you, smirking at the look on your face

  “I just love you, that’s all” you said before leaning in to capture his lips in a kiss

  “Sorry,” the flight attendant said as she passed by, “just need to make sure your seat belts are on”

  “Sorry” you laughed, you and Freddie showing her that you had buckled your seat belts and she went on her way

  “You tell your grandparents that we’re coming?” Freddie asked as you got resettled

  “Yes, they’ll be there at the airport to pick us up” you replied, wrapping your hands around his arm as you leaned your chin on his shoulder

  “I love you” he smiled, kissing your nose 

  “I love you, too,” you cooed, leaning up to kiss him and whispered in his ear, “this is a short flight..”

  “Mhm” he hummed, skimming through his phone before he had to turn on airplane mode

  “Freddie...” you said again, biting his ear lobe to grab his attention, “I made you a promise didn’t I?” He finally seemed to clue in to what you were doing but, in his overexcited state, he was starting to draw attention to the two of you as your fingers traced across his chest

  “OH!” he whisper yelled before you shushed him, “Yes. Yes, you did.”

  “So, how do you suppose I keep that promise?” you asked, cocking your eyebrow at him when he finally looked you in the eye, “because I intend to keep my promise...”

  “Kiss me” he blurted out and you scoffed

  “What? No, Freddie. We can’t just...” He interrupted you by placing his large hand under your jaw and pressing his lips tightly against yours until the tell-tale ding rang through the airplane, notifying everyone that they were free to remove their seat belts.

  “Meet me in the bathroom in like 2 minutes” Freddie said hastily before walking away. You bit your lip as you laughed at how giddy he was, eventually unbuckling your seat belt to make your way to where he had told you to meet him. By some miracle, no one had gotten up before you to head to the bathroom, so it seemed like everything was in the clear but now came the tricky task of letting him know it was you who was there -- hoping no one was watching to see what you up to. You knocked on the door twice and Freddie opened the door just enough for him to know that it was you before pulling you in, “what took you so long?” he laughed, making sure to lock the door behind him.

  “I was making sure I wasn’t being too obvious,” you smile, bring his lips to yours as you wrapped your arms around his neck, “honestly, it got me thinking that it would’ve been much easier just to give you a hand job under a blanket...” You laughed when you noticed his eyebrows pop up and he jokingly went to unlock the door. His lips moved across your skin quickly until he nibbled on your collarbone, waiting for that moan he knew all too well to escape you.

  “Come on, baby,” he whispered, “we gotta be quick...” You brought his lips back to yours once more, biting down on his before you turned around to face the mirror, knowing that getting up on the tiny counter wasn’t an option. Freddie gave you a sly smile before unzipping his pants and gliding his hand up your thigh, under your dress, to push your underwear to the side.

  “Fuck” you breathed as he slid himself into you, kissing your neck in the process before he shushed you

  “Can’t let them hear us” he whispered, thrusting into you slowly while you gripped the edges of the sink

  “Shit, Freddie...” you moaned as Freddie pumped deeper inside of you

  “Shh” he repeated, this time placing his large palm around your mouth to muffle the sounds and you looked up at him in the mirror while he continued his movements. When he was nearing his release, he dropped his hand from your mouth to put both on your hips so he could guide you back onto him faster; you watched him as he watched you ride him and you could feel the fire inside you grow a more with each thrust. He caught your stare in the mirror before pulling your back to his chest to kiss you as he fucked you, collecting your harsh breaths in his mouth as he did so.

  “Oh my god..” you said as you came around him and he kissed your shoulders while you got your bearings again. He grabbed some napkins to clean you up, running a few under the water and gently running them across your thighs and your folds. Freddie was always great at after care.

  “Do you think we hurt the baby?” he asked

  “What?” you scoffed playfully and he shrugged as if to repeat the question, “No, Freddie, I don’t think we hurt the baby.” He placed a small kiss on your lips before telling you to wait another two minutes before going back to your seat

  “Got it?” he said

  “Got it.” You giggled, pulling him in for one last kiss before he left. You locked the door as soon as he left so no one would come in, and you decided to clean up a little to make sure that it could stay as inconspicuous as possible. When you finally made your way back to your seat, you made sure to straddle Freddie before you sat down and he grinned at you

  “Don’t play, (Y/N),” he whispered, “I’m very sensitive right now.” You smiled at his words as you got comfortable

  “Guess that means I’ve got you right where I want you.”

xx

  You and Freddie were met with a million hugs and kisses when your Oma and Opa came to pick you up at the airport. It had been so long since you were in Vienna that you spent the entirety of the journey back to their house admiring the city; from the greenery, to the architecture, to the colours of apartment buildings and shops in town, it all made you smile.

  “Oh, I’ve missed it here!” you finally said, curling into Freddie while your Opa continued to drive

  “(Y/N) used to spend every summer with us. Here, in Vienna. Her mother insisted she have culture in her life.”

  “Used to?” Freddie asked, kissing the crown of your head and wrapping his arm around you

  “I got older and so did everyone else. It became less... feasible for me to hop on a plane every year to come here. But we would go everywhere. We’d take day trips to Salzburg and sing the Sound of Music songs. Opa taught me how to swim and row a boat in Hallstatt. It was always all so wonderful.”

  “You two will have to come back and bring little Vita with you” your Opa smiled, peeking back to look at you and Freddie

  “Of course” Freddie responded

  “Our home is always open!” Oma added, making you smile before falling into a comfortable silence with the three people you loved most in the world, absentmindedly rubbing your baby bump. When Opa pulled into the driveway, you were flooded with memories from your childhood of your time of your grandparents home.

  “It hasn’t changed a bit!” you exclaimed as Freddie helped you out of the car and everyone smiled at you

  “Why would we change it?” Oma asked and you shrugged with a small laugh, walking up to the house and letting Opa guide Freddie to the guest room to put away the bags, “you’ve found yourself a good one, Liebe” your grandma said when she noticed you watching Freddie walk away

  “I know, Oma,” you giggled, “he’s going to be such a good father. I just.. love him so much”

  “And he loves you,” she said, “I can tell. I remember when Opa and I were as in love as you two are, you know?”

  “You still are” you countered as she took a sip of the tea she had made, shaking her hands quickly

  “No no no, that’s not what I meant. Of course we’re still in love,” she corrected, “I just meant, I remember what it was like in the beginning. When we first met, our first kiss, our first dates. Our wedding; I didn’t want to be away from him.” You smiled as you listened to the retelling of your grandparents love story and you thought to yourself how much you’d hope yours would turn out the same.

  “What are you two ladies talking about?” Opa asked as he and Freddie came back into the room

  “The kids wedding!” Oma replied and you laughed

  “Ahh yes,” Opa said, he and Freddie sitting down next to you and Oma, “why are you waiting until after the baby is born?”

  “Opa...” you sighed

  “Vita is expected in November,” Freddie started, “(Y/N) is hoping for a winter wedding. New Year’s Eve, right babe?”

  “Right..” you giggled, “but not necessarily this New Year’s Eve. We’re planning it now so that we have everything sorted but Freddie will be busy with the season and I’ll be at home with Vita...”

  “So get married sooner. Before the season starts, before Vita comes” he exclaimed, “you could do it here! In Vienna!”

  “Oh, I don’t know, Opa...” you hesitated, “we would have to send out invitations and get catering and I don’t have a dress yet...”

  “All things that can be done” Oma added and you tilted your head

  “And you don’t need all that fancy stuff. Catering? Expensive tuxes and gowns? Nah,” Opa interjected, waving his hand, “you can wear Oma’s dress!” You started to say something but the two of them seemed to be planning the whole wedding themselves

  “But the thing is...” Freddie interrupted, rubbing your back as he could feel your stress rising, “we want the fancy stuff. We appreciate you wanting to help and offering everything to us, we do. But we want the gowns and the tuxes and the fancy wedding.” You looked up at your fiancé as he explained his side to your grandparents, a feeling of ease washing over you as he continued to rub your back, and you smiled to yourself before noticing your grandma notice you

  “Are y--” your grandpa started only to be interrupted by your grandma

  “We understand, completely.” She smiled at both of you and, with a simple nod of her head, Opa seemed to take note and he fell silent as well. Shortly after that, the four of you went to explore the city before taking in a movie at the Haydn Cinema and stopping for a bite to eat on the way home.

  “I’m sorry” you said to Freddie when you both crashed onto the mattress

  “For what?” he asked, stroking your hair as you nestled into his side

  “All the wedding stuff. I should’ve known my grandparents would be like that”

  “Baby,” he said softly, “all grandparents are like that. They love you and they want to make it easier on you and Vita. That’s all”

  “You’re sure? Because it seemed to me like they wanted us to have a shotgun wedding” you laughed, looking up at Freddie, “I mean I love them. They’re two of my favourite people on this Earth. But they are... old-fashioned.”

  “They love you. They will do whatever you want them to,” he said and you scoffed before settling yourself under the covers, “and so will I.”

xx

  It had been three months since you spent the week in Vienna with your grandparents and your due date was fast approaching.

  “So, how’s the wedding planning going?” your sister asked as the two of you were shopping

  “Oh, great, Lauren, yeah. Everything’s all settled. Did you not get your invitation for next month?” You replied sarcastically as you were forced to waddle through the Toronto streets

  “I’m sorry,” she laughed, “I was just joking. You know, breaking the silence.”

  “I am supposed to be having a baby in two weeks and I have been so irritable these last few months that planning the wedding hasn’t been on my radar.”

  “It can’t be easy with Freddie away so much either” she added and you huffed at her, asking if you could just sit down for a minute

  “I mean it’s his job,” you said, “we both knew it would happen. And at least our place is comfortable for me to be while he’s away but, yeah, I’d rather him be here then.. not...”

  “He’s gonna be here when she’s born right?”

  “I don’t know...”

  “He better be or I’ll--”

  “HEY!” you yelled, interrupting her thought and her eyes went wide, “I can’t do this right now okay? If he’s here, he’s here. If he’s not, he’s not and we’ll deal. But I just.. I need to go home okay?”

  “Okay” she said calmly, helping you up from the bench and the two of you walked back to the car. Almost as soon as you buckled yourself in, you felt a pain in your stomach and you cried out to Lauren, “what? What’s wrong?!” she sounded panicked and you now had to keep her calm

  “Nothing’s wrong, I just had a bit of pain...” you replied

  “IS IT THE BABY?”

  “LAUREN!” you shouted before taking a breath, “everything is going to be fine, I think we should go to the hospital though, just in case”

  “Okay, we got this! We’ll be there before you know it!” She said before stepped on the gas and you screamed

  “OH MY GOD YOU’RE GONNA KILL US!”

  “CALM DOWN!” she yelled back

  “SLOW DOWN!” you screamed, clutching the side of the door for dear life before squeezing your eyes shut

  “OH RELAX, WE’RE FINE!” She continued speeding through to the hospital but you kept your eyes closed, “see, we’re here. We made it”

  “You’re never driving me anywhere ever again...” you chided as you opened the door and waddled into the hospital while Lauren got you checked in

  “Alright, let’s see what’s goin’ on here” the doctor said as she came into the room you’d be put in

  “There was just a little pain...” you answered

  “Your first?”

  “Yes”

  “When’s your due date?”

  “Two weeks. November 13th.” He nodded before looking at the results from the electrodes stuck to your stomach

  “Is dad here?” He asked

  “Uhm, no... He gets in tomorrow?”

  “Alright, well,” he smiled, “someone might wanna give him a call because it looks like this baby is coming early!”

  “WHAT?” You and Lauren exclaimed, leaving the doctor to scoff playfully at your reactions

  “This happens. There’s nothing to worry about”

  “But I’m not due for two weeks... I don’t have anything.. the car seat... blankets... I don’t even have a change of clothes. Did my water even break?”

  “That’s a bit of a misconception. Something Hollywood typically gets wrong...”

  “No I know.. I read the books, but I’m not in labour am I?”

  “You’ve had a few contractions since you’ve been here, which means, yes, you’re going into labour.”

  “I thought her water had to break first?” Lauren asked, confused at what she should be doing

  “It will break when she’s in active labour”

  “So what do we do?” Lauren asked

  “Call Freddie” you answered before the doctor could and Lauren did as she was told. As she ran outside, you felt a few contractions but nothing too painful and you thought maybe you’d be one of those women who had an easy labour. You were sorely mistaken.

  “WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!” you screamed to your sister as your contractions got worse

  “You’re in labour...” Lauren tried

  “Where’s Freddie?” you whined

  “He’s on his way... with the entire team...” she whispered her second statement but you heard her as clear as if she were yelling at you

  “WHAT?! NO NO NO NO” you shouted, “I don’t want the whole team here! Please, tell them not to come, please” you were at that point where you were breaking into hysterics

  “I can’t, (Y/N),” she whispered, trying to calm you down but it just irritated you more, “they’re already on the-- they’re here...”

  “WHAT?!”

  “Freddie just texted me, he’s looking for the room...”

  “TELL HIM NOT TO COME BACK HERE!” you yelled

  “(Y/N)? Baby?” Freddie called when he got into the room

  “Freddie...” you whispered

  “There you are,” he smiled as he rushed to your side, “how are you doing?”

  “I hate this” you whined

  “Epidural?”

  “They said it’s not time yet.”

  “Well, I’m here now,” he said, rubbing your forehead lightly with his thumb, “what do you need?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t think straight. She already hates me. The baby hates me”

  “She doesn’t”

  “You don’t know that. She’s not causing you this kind of pain. I feel like I would rather been run over by a truck right now.” Freddie laughed, forcing you to scowl at him

  “I’m sorry. The pain will all be worth it”

  “I love you,” you said sweetly, “but I hate you right now”

  “I know”

  “This sucks”

  “I know” he repeated

  “I want you to take my place. I’m too weak for this. You’re so much stronger than I am...”

  “I’m not. You just think that because I’m taller than you...”

  “No no, I know it”

  “(Y/N)...”

  “Just stop the pain...”

  “I’ll get the doctor” he said, placing a small kiss to your forehead before running out and finding a doctor, who then came back to see you and told you unfortunately it was still too early for the medicine

  “How much longer?” you asked, irritation on your tongue

  “It’s hard to say,” the doctor replied calmly, “could be an hour, could be 10. It could be 10 minutes. All pregnancies are different...”

  “I don’t like that answer”

  “I’m sorry,” he laughed, “you’re doing great.” He squeezed your arm once in reassurance before he left and you dropped your head back onto the pillow

  “Freddie...” you whined

  “I know, elske, just a little longer okay?”

  “No. Not okay. GET HER OUT OF ME!” you cried, looking up at your fiancé whose eyes seem to still be filled with love even though you were acting crazy

  “Wanna hear a story?”

  “What?” you said, shaking your head and squinting at him

  “The game got cancelled last night because a bunch of guys got sick on both teams and neither wanted to sacrifice the game so.. whatever it was a whole thing,” he rambled as he sometimes did when he told stories, “anyway, we hopped on a plane to head home and Mo was like ‘what if this was meant to be? what if Vita is early?’“

  “He did not...” you rolled your eyes

  “Did too!”

  “Freddie...”

  “I laughed it off, too, but it’s what he said. That’s why when I got the call that you were in labour, I knew I had to tell him”

  “You’re such a--” you started before another contraction interrupted you and you screamed so loud, you could feel it ricochet across the room. Not long after that, you were able to finally get the epidural and a calm rushed over you. Before you knew it, you were being rushed to the delivery room. As your screams filled the room, you clutched Freddie’s shirt

  “Make it stop!” you yelled at him

  “You’re doing great, babe, just a little more. Keep pushing” he said

  “I don’t wanna...” you whined, falling back against the pillows

  “I know, baby, but you have to” he said as he kissed your forehead before the doctor told you to push again. You cried a little before continuing to push, letting out sounds you never thought you would until all of a sudden, you felt a sudden relief

  “Here she is,” the doctor exclaimed, showing you your baby girl, “does dad want to cut the cord?” he asked Freddie, who nodded happily. They cleaned up your daughter and took you back to your room before letting Vita rest on your chest.

  “She’s beautiful” Freddie whispered as he sat in the chair next to your bed as Vita slept

  “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe she’s here,” you whispered back, smiling almost uncontrollably before looking up at Freddie, “Freddie, we have a daughter!” You smiled at him as he kissed your forehead

  “I know, it’s amazing. She’s amazing,” he said softly, “you’re amazing.” For the first time since Freddie arrived at the hospital, you leaned in to give him a kiss

  “I love you so much”

  “I love you.” After you got a bit of a rest, you were greeted by friends and family; a seemingly endless carousel of people who wanted to hold your daughter. Once everyone cleared out, Freddie rocked Vita back and forth as you tried to keep your eyes open

  “You’re good with her,” you said, “I knew you would be”

  “I think she’s gonna be a really good baby”

  “What do you mean?” you laughed

  “I think she’ll sleep through the night and just be super easy..” he said, laughing at your expression as he sat in the chair next to you

  “I don’t know if she’ll be easy, she is still a baby afterall” you countered and he shrugged

  “You did great, elske,” he said, kissing your forehead, “you know what?”

  “What?” you whispered

  “I think our love story can finally begin now,” he smiled, “everything else is going to fall into place. You watch”

  “You’re such a dork,” you said, smiling at him and Vita, “but I think you’re right.”

[dopescotlandwarrior]

The Dancer-Epilogue

                        Special thanks to @statell​ for your help and wisdom

Previous chapters on AO3

Epilogue

Jamie spent every evening with Claire and Brian, enjoying family dinners, outings as the weather warmed up, and he held Claire in his arms before he went home. Try as he might, his upbringing prevented him from sleeping with Claire, at least to Brian’s knowledge, before they were married. Most nights they would make passionate love while Brian slept and came close to being caught only once in the first three months.

Several deals were struck after the fateful day at the bookstore. Those included a timeout for discussing what had come to pass during their separation. A date was set like a business meeting eight weeks in the future. On that day they met at the bookstore and shut themselves away from the world until all the facts had been heard and all questions answered.

Jamie started with the events after Claire left his home, heartbroken, and drove back to Edinburgh. He described his despair at seeing the photos of Jenny’s beating, arriving at the hospital in such a state he was tased, handcuffed, and arrested, twice. He was kept in jail for three days each time. The third time he went to the hospital he remained calm and learned she had been moved to an undisclosed place. He spoke about disinheriting his sister and having no contact before or after her trial. She was still in prison but would have a parole hearing in the coming year that he would not participate in. Lallybroch was boarded up and Jenny’s animals sold. She would live there upon her release unless she violated the rules of the court.

Jamie was promoted to Germany, as he expected and functioned at a low level for two years trying to find his joy again. On a trip to Edinburgh, he met Geneva Dunsany. After a long-distance relationship, she demanded marriage or else. He just felt dead inside. A letter was given to John at the Edinburgh store to be forwarded to Jamie. John could only say the pretty woman had red hair. The letter stated that Geneva was one of the drunk friends who participated in death threats against Claire the night of the beating, showing her support for Jenny. Geneva was put on the next flight to Edinburgh and never seen again.

Just before he lost his mind completely, he resigned his position that he had worked so hard for, endured so many lonely years for.

“I hired a private detective to find ye but ye just vanished. I knew ye were alive, somewhere, because I would feel the difference in the world if ye were not. I bought a used bookstore, renamed it and put the classics room in first thing so I could see yer name on the outside and the inside every day. I thought ye might come back to London someday and wanted to put the stores everywhere so ye would see one and go inside. It felt like ye were workin with me, seein yer name every day. It made me feel better. I brought John back to London and put him in charge of the new stores once they were up and running. So, now I am CEO of a growin chain of upscale used bookstores because of you. On yer birthday, every year, I spent the day in the classics room, my Sassenach’s heart, and I read until the store closed, always with..." Jamie's head dropped and he took a deep breath, "a fresh bouquet in yer honor love.”

Claire sat on his lap and hugged him, hearing his tears for his heartbroken existence.

“Thank you, Jamie.”

They kissed for a bit and Jamie held her arms panting. “It’s yer turn lass.”

Claire explained she was in Egypt before she knew what was happening. Her friends Madu and Kamilah were from wealthy families in Cairo and Jadda, Madu’s father, arranged everything. Madu later told her the surgeon that removed her spleen told him about the pregnancy, but they expected she would lose the baby. In Cairo, she didn’t eat or awaken for many months so she was fed by a stomach tube. Madu forced her to listen and wake up, telling her about the baby that had continued to grow while she slept month after month. She explained the painful journey back to the living and how Madu’s family was always there to encourage her. Jaddati, Madu’s mother, started calling her abnataya, the Egyptian word for daughter. When Brian was born the whole family was eager to care for him and his Jadda and Jaddati fell in love with him, as did Madu.

“It was a special time for me, being held into a family because I never had one. Madu, Brian, and I were inseparable. I tried so hard to love him romantically and my failure to do so was as painful for me as it was for him. Without warning, Madu dropped to the floor one night when an aneurysm ruptured. He was dead before anyone could reach for a phone to call emergency. He was my best friend, my savior, and my family. I miss him every day."

Jamie lifted Claire to her feet and pulled her into his lap where he held her while she cried for her amazing friend. He realized Brian was too young to remember, but he knew all about Madu and felt sadness at his passing.

“Yer an incredible person Sassenach. Madu will live on in Brian’s heart because ye shared yer memory of this special man.”

Claire sat down in her chair again, ready to continue. She told Jamie about Geillis and how devoted to each other they had been. How they cried when Claire called after two years and were now besties again with regular visits to London.

”The house we live in was arranged by Jadda, I think he bought it so we would have a decent place to live. Right after we moved in I couldn’t find Brian and I panicked until I opened the front door and there he was, standing near the curb of our street. He told me Habbi, told him to stand there and wait for me. Habbi is Madu. I had Brian baptized when we returned to London, Geillis is his Godmother and Madu his spirit Godfather. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I canna think of two better people in the entire world love.”

“It’s your turn,” she whispered.

Jamie realized that Claire was spent emotionally. He led her to his office and turned out the lights before pulling her into his arms to lay next to him on the couch. She could hear his Gaelic speech through his chest and found great comfort there.

They hugged in silence for a while until Jamie gave her every reason to change course and draw that line between them again.

“Sassenach, love, will ye marry me?”

Claire’s head lifted abruptly to look at him and her mouth slowly smiled as he watched the answer play across her face.

“C’mon lass, dinna say no to yer soulmate," he teased. "I figure you will be my partner in the bookstores and bring yer magic to the enterprise. We can open a new store each year and Brian will see the world living short term in each location. When he starts school, we take off for cities near and far in the summer, like a three-month vacation every year. Do ye know anythin about a website?”

“Whoa Sassenach, tears? Dinna break my heart love.”

“I have a new job at the cultural center, one Sunday each month, we dance exhibition and I am the lead belly dancer. It’s in Madu’s memory I want to dance Jamie. How do you feel about that?”

She watched his eyes and saw him go into his head, still smiling, she waited and worried. When he looked at her several minutes later his skin had a rosy glow and his eyes sparkled.

“This means I get to keep both of ye Sassenach.”

“I suppose it does” she giggled.

************************** “Ma'am?”

Claire pushed her sunglasses up her nose and handed Geillis her drink. She thanked the waiter and handed him a tip before laying back on her lounge. The girls were treated to a spa day compliments of Jamie and it was a slice of heaven for both of them.

“Mmm, what a fantastic buzz and a beautiful spa. Remind me to thank Jamie. What is up with your weird drinks Claire? That looks like bubbles in water for Christ's sake.”

“It is club soda, on the rocks. Why you ask? Because I can’t have alcohol for the next year. I’ll have to give up belly dancing before long also.”

Geillis rolled her head toward Claire and pulled her sunglasses down. “What?”

Geillis’s eyes grew wide and she sat up looking at her best friend. “Are ye sayin ye got a bairn in there again?”

“Almost positive. That’s what happens when the love of your life shows up and you’re not on birth control. Please, not a word at home. I am telling Jamie tonight right after Brian goes to bed and before he goes home of course.”

“Thank heavens he can stay at yer house after tomorrow.”

Claire was on pins and needles through dinner while Geillis chatted on and on with Jamie and Brian. She needed to calm down and excused herself from dinner. Sitting alone on her bed, she remembered a sadness so deep and a country so foreign, it stole her reason to live. Now her life was so full of blessings it was hard to feel connected to that person anymore.

When Jamie came in, he pulled her into his arms and just hugged her.

“What is it, love? Are ye havin second thoughts?”

She shook her head and pulled him down to the bed to lay next to her. They could hear Brian and Geillis laughing in the kitchen and felt no need to rush.

Jamie watched her face, waiting. He felt his heart rate shoot up as her eyes locked on his.

“The three of us won’t be going to Florida next month. We are actually a family of four now.”

She pulled his hand to her abdomen as the tears were squeezing out the side of her eyes. She watched Jamie’s face go from confused to enlightened and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he tried to swallow.

“Is there …a bairn… comin …lass?” His voice was a croaked whisper like he was afraid to say it out loud.

Claire nodded her head and Jamie exhaled the breath he was holding as his smile grew. He kissed her long and hard followed by dozens of kisses on her face with I love you’s in between until Claire was panting for breath and laughing.

Jamie kissed his bride after a civil ceremony with Geillis standing for Claire and Brian standing as Jamie’s best man. He pressed his forehead against hers and felt she had gifted him with a second chance at life. He was so grateful for her strength to survive, her heart to forgive, and the joy they made together.

Five hundred and thirty-five miles north a prisoner held court while her underlings brought her food and cigarettes. Jenny smiled at her hard-won position in the unit and daydreamed about returning home after so many years.

But that is another story.

It is my privilege to write for this fandom. I love you guys for the encouraging comments and for reading.

[captainchrisfics]

Seahawks vs. Patriots

About: A first-person pov, Seahawks-supporting reader couldn’t just not show up when Chris Evans throws a Super Bowl party, even if it meant flying across the country to see her second family. Instead of a few elbow jabs from her best friend when the Patriots score a touchdown, she gets a snide comment from Chris that upsets her boyfriend and her whole understanding of their relationship.

Word Count: 5,304

Warning(s): A small physical altercation between partners- it isn’t anything more than a wrist grabbing moment, but I just wanted to give a heads up just in case.

Requested By: @marvelousnomad - Thanks for sending this in and being so patient. Hope it’s worth the wait! x

“Prepare to lose epically, Evans,” I threatened through a grin as soon as Chris’s front door swung open. I shoved the guac and chips I carried to his chest as he laughed and shook his head, jostling the snacks into one arm and sloshing his beer. Chris took a sip and sucked his teeth.

He looked up at me through long eyelashes, smiling back at me. “Wouldn’t be so sure,” he slurred. Chris stepped aside to welcome me into his home, currently hosting the most hectic Super Bowl party of the century.

“Look, I know you’ll live and die by Brady,” I shot back with a dramatic roll of my eyes. “But you’ve got to be honest with yourself.” Without much warning, I wrapped my arms around Chris tightly, without a concern for the chips crushed in between our chests. His hands found the small of my back, bodies pulled together, almost as if we were magnetic.

Between our increasingly busy lives and living on opposite ends of the country, Chris and I rarely got to see each other in person anymore. Even when he was out West, working in L.A. kept him too busy. When I was home, he usually wasn’t. We still talked for hours nearly every week and texted each other far more than that, but it wasn’t the same. 

Chris took a long inhale as he pressed a kiss to my temple. “I missed you,” he confessed in a breathy sigh that reeked of booze. “Back at you,” I responded like a vow, squeezing his neck tight before letting go all at once when Andy cleared his throat, asking where he could put the drinks.

The place already reeked of booze, which Chris had asked us to pick up more of on our way over. My boyfriend held the case of beer so hard his knuckles turned white, regarding Chris with only a stiff nod as he walked past. My best friend reciprocated, a hard look of his own.

“This is Andy, my boyfriend,” I said, feeling dwarfed between the two of them, as it occurred to me that they’d never been officially introduced. We’d been together for a few months and it almost felt wrong, introducing two of the most important people in my life for the first time. I knew both of them so well, nearly inside and out, but they were complete strangers.

“Boyfriend,” Chris acknowledged curtly, extending his hand in a forced peace offering. He smiled wryly as he took Boyfriend’s hand with a squeeze harder than it had to be.

“Friend,” Andy spit back like an insult. Like Chris was below him. He smiled in a different way, one that was more confident and cunning and fueled by knowing he’d just beat Chris at his own game. I didn’t even know the rules, the way to operate in this situation. None of this was computing. 

So I rolled my eyes and wrote it off as stupid boys before grabbing Andy’s hand, slipping passed Chris.

Chris was always my friend. Always. Even when he broke my dolls and I didn’t want him to be, even when he picked up and moved across the country just after graduation and he almost came back because I’d cried about how I never missed anyone that much before, even when he shot to fame among the stars and needed someone to pull him back down to Earth, even when I moved all the fucking way to Seattle... Not that he had any room to talk. But we were friends, never even a little more. 

I never wanted more, but neither of us sure as hell would accept any less. 

The place was crawling with an odd crowd, a mix of people Chris and I had grown up down the street from and others we’d go to the movies and see on the silver screen. There were empty cans everywhere. Everyone was buzzed, including Chris, and speaking loudly about everything from their new Tesla updates to the local school’s latest musical production. I weaved in between the small crowds, navigating Chris’s house since it was as good as my own. 

I found Scott in the kitchen, snacking on some chips and discussing his mom’s bean dip until he saw me and broke out into a grin, abandoning the small talk he’d been having with some stranger. “Hey,” he called, wrapping me up in a hug. Unlike his brooding brother, Scott wrapped a warm arm around my boyfriend’s shoulders before focusing back on me. “It’s been too long. Still loving Seattle?” Scott asked, passing me a beer from one of the boxes my boyfriend dropped on the counter. He eyed my Russell Wilson jersey with a hint of a playfully condescending smirk.

“Definitely, but I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to watch you two weep when your boys lose, no matter how much they try to cheat,” I said with a cheeky wink. Chris, who’d trailed behind us rolled his eyes dramatically, lifting a hand to his chest and clutching his worn Patriots jersey over his hurt heart.

“This is your doing, I bet,” Scott scoffed, crossing his arms as he jokingly stuck his nose up at Andy who merely shrugged, sticking his hand in the back pocket of my jeans. 

Chris pushed his way to my other side, slinging a heavy arm around me. “She used to have a good head on her shoulders,” he commented, tugging the sleeve of my Seahawks shirt between his thumb and pointer finger like it was someone else’s trash as he wrinkled his nose. “Now she’s little more than a hometown traitor.”

I laughed them off, taking a long drink to buy time for a good come back. Andy hadn’t been the one to suck me into the 12th man’s infectious culture and the Evans’s boys knew that. 

The three of us spent nearly every Super Bowl together, from when we were little kids playing in another room, only joining our parents in front of the television for the halftime show, to proud New Englanders through and through. And then I moved to Washington a few years back for work and joined the Evans family on their couch donned in blue, silver, and green, much to their dismay. Now, for the first time since my conversion, the two teams were not only going against each other, but they were facing off in the biggest game there was.

“That’s laughably hypocritical,” Andy jeered, his voice absent of any inkling of a light-hearted coyness. “At least when we win, we won’t be throwing our rings at Trump.” Chris and Scott’s smiles dropped simultaneously as Andy’s thorny disposition poked their sore spot.

Chris’s arm grew tense before he retracted it completely, burying his hands in his pockets, drifting away from me and toward his brother with downcast eyes. “So,” Scott cleared his throat. “Mom packed you your very own container of her bean dip to take home,” he deflected, laughing uncomfortably. “Tucked it in the back of the fridge to keep it away from these vultures.”

“God,” I sighed with relief at the opportunity to change the subject, no matter how forced. “I love Lisa’s cooking almost as much as I love her.”

After his faux pas, Andy stayed out of the conversation. I tried to include him, of course, but it wasn’t easy. Laughing until we could barely breathe over these “you had to be there” moments, like the time Chris convinced the younger Scott and I to wet our pants on purpose, wasn’t exactly something I could rope him into. Instead, Andy sat there with crossed arms and this look in his eye that made me remember every time he’d said that if he had nothing nice to say, he’d say nothing at all.

“Oh my god, remember when we were in middle school and she cast us in Grease,” I started, following up Scott’s horror story about one of our old music teachers. “I was Sandy,” I reminded everyone, playfully sweeping my hair off of my shoulder to bask in their limelight.

“And Chris was so beyond pissed that he didn’t get Danny,” Scott elaborated through a fit of laughter.

“Hey-” Chris butt in smoothly, leaning an elbow against the kitchen counter. “I did get Danny.”

“No,” I corrected, raising an eyebrow. “You got his understudy.”

Chris laughed from the bottom of his belly, a sound I sorely missed. Hearing it through my phone’s speaker didn’t compare to watching his shoulders jump up at the same time the corners of his lips reached their peak, throwing his head forward with the force of his lilting laugh that grew out of an incredulous scoff. His eyebrows rose so fast, almost like they were about to take off, and the only delicate thing about his guffaw was the way his eyelashes just brushed the rosy, round apples of his cheeks.

“And the kid who actually did get Danny… Who was it, Jake Dohenny? Well, he got a very convenient leg injury during football practice,” Scott finished for me. “But you wouldn’t know anything about that, huh, Chris?”

I tried to suppress my giggle behind my palm, but Chris shot me this look that only made me laugh harder. “Sincerely, I’m sure whoever did tackle the punk so hard his tibia fractured didn’t mean to, but no one ever said it was me,” he professed his innocence, although the glint in his eye betrayed him. Then Chris’s irises grew dark as his grip tightened enough to dent his beer can. “Dohenny had it coming though, talking about you the way he was,” he swore in a low tone.

My eyes dropped to our feet. I’d forgotten exactly what happened, but as soon as Chris mentioned it I remembered exactly why that name made my stomach sink. You could say life imitates art, with him being Zuko and all. He’d gone around school and told everyone that we hooked up backstage. Being barely thirteen, it seemed like the sort of crippling embarrassment I could never recover from. Then, one day, Jake came to school with a cast around his leg and he’d still move out of my way whenever I’d walk down the hall like I had the plague or something.

I asked Chris about it once, since we usually walked together even when we were in different classes. He’d said it was for the best, that he learned some respect. It all blew over in a couple weeks anyway so I’d forgotten about it.

“Plus,” Chris said, softer now. He caught my attention as he tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “We made a damn good couple,” he joked, looking at me with this soft smile bookended by laugh lines and crow’s feet at the corner of his blue eyes. I laughed from my chest, suddenly remembering all of the terribly awkward stage kisses over each other’s thumbs and times the director got so mad she turned red since we couldn’t even get within inches of each other without breaking down in fits of nervous laughter. It was awful for everyone involved, although it made for some funny home videos.

“Well,” Andy interrupted, pulling me away from Chris and into his side. “We do, too.” He looked between the Evans’s boys with his nose stuck up in the air, shoving his hand in my back pocket almost like he was trying to stick it to them, just because he could.

Scott and I laughed uncomfortably, joking about how that had plenty to do with our eighth-grade production in an attempt to de-escalate whatever situation we’d found ourselves in, but Chris only gave him this hard look. Every bit of his former softness turned to steel.

Then the commentators’ voices, ramping up dramatically as the game began, echoed from the living room, where Chris had just about the biggest television they sold for this purpose. With a panicked glance at each other, not realizing how long we’d spent catching up and reminiscing as per usual, we raced each other to the living room. The four of us were just about the only ones with our butts glued to the couch. Leave it to Chris to throw a Super Bowl party where everyone was too busy having a good time to actually commit to watching the game.

A hell of a game it was, too. It was closer than any Super Bowl had been in a while, with both teams playing as competitively as their respective fans tried to out-cheer each other, although they all paled in comparison to Chris and I. By far one of the more exciting Super Bowl’s we’d witnessed, fueled by our own elbow-jabbing rivalry. We jumped and clapped, hollering every time someone scored and then even louder when the other team got the point back, shouting insults so profane Lisa would’ve revoked my dip if she’d heard us.

“Fucking, come on already!” Chris shouted, springing to his feet, fists clenched tight in his stressed hair. I was on the edge of my seat, just about to fall off as the referees took a torturous amount of time deciding if the Patriots last sorry excuse for a foul should count as a touchdown. I tried to listen intently over Chris’s drunken ramblings, telling Scott that this was make or break with so much intensity, like he was relaying a divine prophecy instead of just parroting Tony Romo.

The camera zoomed dramatically on the man clad in a black and white striped shirt as he prepared to make the call, every screaming fan in the stadium going quiet. “It’s good,” he concluded, throwing his arms up in the shape of a field goal as if those two words hadn’t just cost me bragging rights for the next three-hundred-and-sixty-five days of the year. As if it didn’t put the Patriots ahead enough to secure the trophy. 

“Oh, you have got to be kidding, that was so a foul,” I groaned, sinking back into the couch with a crushing sense of defeat. Chris, on the other hand, shot his fists into the air while he cheered along with most of the people crowded around the living room. “Well, fuck me while you’re at it,” I muttered, pursing my lips as I crossed my arms, pouting like a discontent toddler in time out. 

Chris sat back down, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as he jostled me, trying to get my spirits as sky-high as his. When he’d calmed down, Chris smiled at me with these round, booze-rosied cheeks that crinkled his soft, blue eyes. He bit his bottom lip before laughing, a deep rumble that grew from the bottom of his chest. “Lord knows I’ve been wanting to,” he all but purred, looking at me through his dark eyelashes with dangerously tempting bedroom eyes.

“I’m sorry, what?” I spit at him, thinking too many thoughts of my own to totally process his words, scooting out of Chris’s reach against my instinct. It was out of nowhere, his words, my actions, all a stark reminder of how painfully quick a second could pass. I gave him a harsh look, complete with wide eyes and high eyebrows as I waited for some kind of excuse, some kind of laugh as he shrugged it off, some kind of anything.

But Chris was a too-happy drunk tonight. The overly friendly kind whose hand had slowly dropped from my shoulder to my waist, the talkative one who’d lost his filter something like three or four Buds ago. I wasn’t sure how much he’d had, but judging by the typo-ridden text he’d sent asking me to bring more booze on my way over it’d been a lot before we’d even arrived. Now he could usually handle his drinks, but no amount of empty cans could excuse that sort of comment.

Chris’s smile dropped with his concerned brow, like the gravity of what had managed to slip past his lips had just hit him. His eyes searched my face, confused by the way I’d treated him. The way I’d torn myself from his familiar touch and retreated into someone else’s side, the venom in my voice. It even tasted like poison to me.

“I think I heard him loud and clear,” Andy said, his chest rising and falling with ragged, angry breaths. “In fact, I have been all night,” he continued, standing from the couch. “You need to learn how to keep shit to yourself, Evans.” Andy loomed over Chris, who acted more like a kicked puppy than the snarling one my boyfriend had been hoping to meet in the dog fight. He had this glint in his eye, like a spark of a blaze Chris was about to be burned in.

“We’re leaving,” Andy growled, turning to me once he’d realized Chris wasn’t going to fuel his fire. He grabbed my wrist so tight it hurt, yanking me off of the couch before I could react, but Chris stood nearly as fast.

Scott joined him, stepping between the two other men. “You guys need to stop thinking with the wrong heads,” he warned, raising his hands to show he wasn’t a threat. 

“Take your hands off of her and get out of my fucking house,” Chris said lowly as he stepped around his brother. Every ounce of his convivial disposition had dissipated, leaving Chris a dangerous mess of flexing biceps and tight jaw. Andy’s grip only tightened to the point where I could nearly feel every ridge of his palm and each indent of his fingertips.

He smirked, a smile that was harsh and cruel and not one I ever thought I’d see, although I realized right then how much it seemed to suit him. “Why? Because you’re jealous?” Andy challenged, taking a step toward Chris. He was shorter than him by a good few inches, but he stood up to him nonetheless. “Mad you don’t get to touch her like I do?”

They glowered at each other with their vexed veins popping and eager fists clenching, every bit of the enemies they’d somehow become overnight, for seconds that felt like years. Seconds I needed to catch up to the present.

I ripped my hand from Andy’s grip, rubbing the tender skin around my wrist with the other. “Because you’re hurting me,” I insisted, surprised at the sureness I was able to muster. I put on a strong front, imagining myself made out of hard concrete. I stepped between the two of them, an unwavering wall. “Because you shouldn’t treat me or my friends like that,” I impressed upon Andy, my voice remaining miraculously unbroken, before turning to Chris. 

“And you shouldn’t talk to me like that,” I paused to take a few deep breaths in an attempt to maintain my measured composure. “And neither of you should act like I’m some prize to be won or defended, for that matter,” I finished with crossed arms, glaring at the two of them.

I tried to place a stern hand on Andy’s shoulder, unable to resist the urge to recoil. I ran stressed fingers through my hair instead. “Go back to my parents, I…” I sighed. “I guess I’ll see you there.”

“But, look, I’m really sorry-” he started an apology that didn’t finish leaving his lips. 

“Just go,” I snapped at him, closing my eyes as I let out a strangled breath. It did nothing to alleviate the pressure in my chest. “Honestly, go back to Seattle, if you want. I really don’t care, just go.”

Andy bit his bottom lip, mind reeling to come up with anything that could win me over, which was exactly his problem in the first place. He gave up and leaned in to kiss my cheek, but I pulled away. I didn’t think much of it, just a simple reflex as a response to what his last touch had felt like, but by the look in his eyes, I knew our fate was sealed. It was over. I think Andy realized that too, as he turned and left.

“For the best,” Chris slurred, tentatively reaching to pat my back. I stepped out of his reach before he could, leaving our burst bubble. I realized then how many people were staring at us with their popped-out eyes and dropped jaws.

I took Chris’s wrist, tugging him out of the room as he stumbled and pulling him up the stairs until we reached the solitude of his bedroom.

“I bet this is a good night for you, huh?” I shouted, slamming the door behind me. I turned to him with narrowed eyes and crossed arms. “The Patriots get a win and you get the girl? Great plan.”

Chris’s gaze dropped to the floor. He shoved his hands down in the back of his pockets, rocking from his toes to his heels. “Seriously,” I implored, softening for him. Melting, as I always seemed to. “What were you thinking, saying something like that?”

Chris dragged his palms down his face. “Would you believe me if I uh,” he paused to hiccup, “I said I was drunk?” He tried to half-smile, watching me with these puppy-dog eyes that begged as bad as Dodger.

But my resolve didn’t waver. In fact, it took everything in me to just stand there with my arms crossed instead of boarding a flight back home to get as far as I could from him without leaving the country completely. 

Chris sighed, knowing it wasn’t good enough. “That you weren’t happy,” he said smally, innocently. Chris sunk to sit on his bed, watching his fingers as he wrung his hands anxiously in his lap. “That I could make you happier.”

“It was just a game, Chris, I’d get over losing the fucking Super Bowl, but this-” I began, but then those ocean eyes carried me into his riptide. The intensity of his gaze was unmatched, it reminded me too much of a stormy sea. The kind that made people come up with all sorts of gods to explain.

“I- fuck, I know it was stupid,” he said, dropping his eyes again. Chris ran his hands through his sweaty hair. “I mean, I meant in life. With him, like, I don’t know, but with me…” he trailed off, shaking his head like he couldn’t get rid of the thoughts. Like putting them out into the thick air between us didn’t even help. He sighed. “I know it doesn’t make sense.”

The problem was, I wished it didn’t.

That I didn’t fit more naturally into Chris’s side than any of the other boys I’d brought back to family dinners. That I didn’t book flights home whenever he wrapped filming, dropping everything just to see him for a few days, or buy his cologne for my boyfriends on their birthdays. That didn’t chase others trying to outrun him. That I didn’t waste years, entire decades really, of my life denying it.

“I didn’t realize until you weren’t here anymore,” Chris explained, but I could only wonder whether or not he’d tell me the same thing sober. He looked up at me, with these eyes that looked like they were the ocean others said they cried. “When you moved all the fucking way to Washington of all places.”

“You are so not one to talk,” I insisted, all the hurt of years staring at his empty place at the table and stealing the t-shirts he’d forgotten in his childhood bedroom and every bit of hurt walking down this city’s streets but only seeing ghosts of Chris instead of him by my side bundled into one sentence.

“I know,” Chris reassured me, puffing his cheeks out as he let go of a sigh. “But you took almost everything I loved about coming back to Boston with you. You took home with you,” he pleaded with me to see his side, clenched fists hitting his knees like it hurt to admit it.

“You can’t tell me that,” I shot back, shaking my head furiously. “That isn’t fair, Chris. You don’t get to say that. You left first.” My voice broke along with whatever dam was holding back my tears.

Really, what I wished was that I could love anyone other than him. Someone who I could go to when my best friend was being too much. Someone who would still be there after a breakup. Anyone other than this globe-trotting star who seemed to be everywhere. On every billboard’s movie poster, promoting his work on almost every continent, sitting on every interviewer’s couch, everywhere other than by my side. Someone who could walk down the street without getting photographed and hounded and probed. I was close enough to see the burns of Chris’s life in the bright lights, but still far enough to stay out of the heat myself.

The bedsprings creaked and Chris wrapped me up in his strong arms, allowing my body to wrack with its sobs as he pressed long kisses to the top of my head, whispering gentle shushes against my hair. 

“You took home first,” I cried, pounding my palm against his chest, curling my head into the crook of Chris’s neck even though he smelled worse than a frat house on Sunday morning. “You don’t know what it’s like sitting in our booth at the diner all alone.”

“Oh, I do,” he interrupted. Chris’s skin was hotter than a radiator. “And walking to the T without you tugging the headphones we’re sharing from my ear,” Chris voiced my thoughts just above a whisper. “And going to see a movie at AMC all on your own even though you could invite someone else, but it’s always been our thing so it feels really wrong, and when it’s over you realize you got enough popcorn for two.”

I pressed my forehead to his pec, feeling his heart pound along with my growing headache. “So you know why I went to Washington,” I said without really saying it.

Chris hummed a reluctant confirmation. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear while smiling gently. “What’s the thing people say… You know, about distance making hearts grow? I’m like the grinch in that one scene where his quadrupled.”

“It tripled,” I corrected, like that was the only thing wrong with his sentence. With any of this. 

“Well,” Chris sighed, puffing a putrid breath that reeked of stale alcohol too close to my proximity. “Mine grew even more than that for you.”

“That’s another thing,” I whined, trying to keep him on track while I wiped my tear-stained cheeks. “You’re my best friend, Chris. The guy I go to after a breakup, not the one I want to be breaking up with.” I closed my eyes, wishing all of this away, as I hopelessly buried my face back into his Pats jersey.

Chris’s chest rumbled with laughter, the thunder to my storm. “I don’t want to be breaking up with you either,” he promised earnestly. “The problem is, you’re the one I wanna be with.” His hands rubbed small circles on my back as I started to shake again.

“You don’t get it, I do too,” I said, for the very first time out loud. “But we’ve both got a one-hundred-percent failure rate on that front, that’s the problem.”

I didn’t want Chris to be another statistic. Another one slamming the door behind him or ignoring my texts or boarding a plane back to Washington. I didn’t want to be another tell-all in some trashy magazine or a name paparazzi would shout to get his attention. He was already so much more to me than that and I knew I meant more to him. I did the calculations, it wasn’t worth the risk. 

Chris chuckled again. “S’one way of looking at it,” he slurred, shrugging his shoulders without releasing me from the hug. “But the way I see it is that, when it comes to us at least, we have a pretty good chance given our track record.”

He had a point there. For years, Chris and I had worked out every time, after nearly every trial and every error. In fact, more than we had issues in our own relationship, we seemed to cause them in our other ones.

“I am not willing to risk ruining a whole lifetime of friendship,” I said with a shaky voice and a shaky everything else. “I can’t lose you,” I continued collapsing in on myself. 

“I already feel like I’m losing you,” Chris mumbled, resting his chin on top of my head. “Even though I know you’re right here…” His arms tightened around me. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say,” Chris shook his head. “But I do know I’ve felt like that since I realized, as much as I love being the guy you come to when you’ve got relationship problems, more than anything, I wanna be the guy you’re in a relationship with, the guy who makes sure you never have another problem again.”

“Chris,” I sighed, gathering his fuzzy cheeks in my palms. “You know I love you…” His flushed cheeks widened with a smile that made it so hard to continue. “But we can’t do this now, alright? That’s my problem. I’ve got a lot to process. Lord knows your liver does, too. We need to get to bed and-”

To my surprise, Chris untangled himself from me without anything resembling a protest. He peeled off his jersey and climbed out of his jeans before pulling back his bed’s covers far enough for him to climb under and then some next to him. He smiled at me, this innocently wide smile, as he patted the mattress’s empty space, inviting me to lay beside him. “No problem,” he grinned. 

“To our own, separate beds,” I clarified, trying to hide my laugh behind a cough as to not encourage him. As wide as he’d smiled, he frowned even deeper. “It’s just too much right now. I promise we’ll talk in the morning,” I tried to reason, although I was sure the inebriation kept him far from it.

“I’m gonna miss you though,” Chris groaned in protest, the last bit of his coherent brainpower being spent. He yawned and snuggled deeper into his pillow, making himself at home under his covers.

“I’ll miss you too,” I tried to reassure him, not able to subdue my laugh this time. “But it’s all just too much,” I echoed faintly, flicking his bedroom light off.

“Oh!” I heard Chris call over the door’s creak as I was about to shut it behind me. I paused before stopping completely. 

“I love you, too,” he said confidently. I’ve heard him say those words a million times, over the years, before either of us really knew what it meant, and over the phone, before I really knew what it meant to him. And what it meant to me. 

I hesitated, wanting nothing more in that moment than to swing the door between us wide open and take Chris into my arms, tell him that I loved him again, only in the same way, and that everything would be okay between us, since it always was before. He’d been my problem for a hell of a lot longer than just that night, and I wanted him to keep being my problem for the rest of my life. Seemed like that should be all that mattered. But that’s exactly what is too much, all of these awful, confusing feelings boiling in my chest, just about to bubble over and fall out of my mouth. So I smiled, despite everything I thought I knew about my world being shaken in a scale-breaking quake, and closed the door.

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Blind Date (Part 2 of 3) - Jake Peralta

Gif: brooklynninenine on Tenor

Word Count: 2.5K

Paring: Jake Peralta x (f)Reader

Summary: Y/N serves her mother and her co-worker, the infamous Raymond. The Squad meets Y/N

Warnings: N/A

A/N: I ADORE Jake and Amy as a couple, but, obviously, in this they aren’t together.

Masterlist

Requested: Anon

________________________________________________________________

‘Isn’t your mother in tonight?’ James, the bartender, said as he polished the glasses for the night. Y/N groaned and let her head fall into her hands.

‘Don’t remind me,’ she huffed, ‘any chance you’ll give me a shot or two?’

‘Don’t think Harold would approve now, do you?’ James chuckled, grabbing the tequila anyways, pouring two out, one for her and one for him, sliding one across the bar.

‘Well, if his mother was succubus, he’d be hitting the bottle right now too.’

‘Have you checked the reservations to see when she’ll be in?’

‘I don’t need to – I’ll feel a disturbance in the force,’ Y/N sighed handing the shot glass back to James. James shot her a look. ‘She always comes in at the same time. It hasn’t changed for years, James. Mother will be here at eight on the dot – wearing her uniform, no doubt, hat under the arm indoors as it’s always rude to wear a hat inside.’

‘I do not envy you tonight.’

‘Thanks, James,’ Y/N scoffed as she got to her feet and walked to the kitchen to grab her apron to start her shift.

________________________________________________________________

Eight on the dot, and Y/N was right. As she collected someone’s drink from James, Y/N looked to the door and saw Wuntch standing and waiting with her hat under her arm, wearing her neatly pressed uniform and a proud look on her face. Y/N knew that the prideful look wasn’t because she was looking at her successful daughter, but because other customers were looking at Madeline in awe.

‘Told you,’ Y/N said quietly to James before giving the customer their drink. Y/N knew not to approach her mother until her fellow worker came, and Y/N would be able to tell who they were. Almost always the fellow diner was wearing their uniform as well. By order of her mother? Perhaps. It wasn’t as though Y/N could ask. She just presumed.

Soon after, Y/N saw a man enter. Relatively taller than her mother and very little hair on his head. The hair that was visible was a salt and pepper type, skin close and in the position from changing to the black from youth to the grey of aging. He also wore a crisp pressed uniform, but his was of a Captain. Y/N knew the difference. That was the que, Y/N plastered a fake smile on her face and walked towards her mother and the Captain.

‘Madame, Sir,’ Y/N nodded politely, ‘Welcome to Masa, shall I show you to your table?’

‘Yes,’ Wuntch nodded firmly.

As her mother and the man sat down, Y/N handed them their menus.

‘So, Madeline,’ The man said, ‘what made you choose food and not some poor unsuspecting soul to drain the blood from?’

Y/N bit down on her tongue to stop herself from laughing.

‘Oh, Raymond,’ Wuntch said. Y/N controlled her reaction. This was the infamous Raymond that her mother despised so much. He wasn’t anything like Y/N had imagined. ‘I thought that you would be the vampire out of the two of us, after all, you’re so close to dust now, aren’t you?’

‘Well,’ Y/N said in a chirpy voice that servers had to use, ‘I’ll leave you for a minute to look over the menus.’ She said before walking off and approaching James with large eyes before leaning over the bar. ‘That guy is Raymond!’

‘THAT’S the guy your mum hates?’ James said, eyes bulging, peering around Y/N to look at the man. ‘Why’d I imagine him taller?’

‘Forget that – why’d she bring him here?’ Y/N whispered. ‘She’s spent her whole career hiding me and now she risks that with bring her mortal enemy here?’

‘Well, you take more after your pa than mummy dearest.’

‘Still.’

‘I don’t know.’ James shrugged. ‘Maybe she’s getting sloppy.’

________________________________________________________________

All night, Y/N grinned and bared it her mother, and it seemed that Raymond was doing the same. Every time that Y/N approached their table, Raymond looked as though he’d find it more pleasurable to shoot himself in the foot. She had to fight the urge to give him a sympathetic smile. The more she witnessed, the more Y/N realised that Raymond wasn’t the villain that her mother acted he was. He was just a poor guy who was stuck dealing with Madeline Wuntch.

‘I sincerely hope that you found your meals and drinks enjoyable,’ Y/N said sweetly, ‘if you want desert, I shall be more than happy to get you the menus, if not would you like me to get the check?’

‘Just the check, please,’ Raymond spoke quickly, ‘I must be getting home to my husband.’

‘Of course, Sir,’ Y/N nodded, ‘I will go get the check,’ she said before turning to Wuntch and bowing her head, ‘Madame.’ She then went to get the check, returning not even a minute later, placing it on the table, dead centre. This way, Y/N had learnt, the customers can decide who is buying without the server getting caught up in the hassle.

‘Thank you,’ Wuntch gave a tight lipped smile before grabbing the check and looking over the price. ‘Give the chef my compliments, waitress.’

Y/N bit down the inside of her lip. It infuriated her to no end that her mother kept calling her ‘waitress’ when, officially, she was a server. There was a difference. Her manager had warned her of that when she applied for the job. You weren’t a waitress, you were a server – you served an experience. You had to know your wines, your oysters, your spices and herbs, you had to know culture and art and history and literature. It was years for some before they get their stripes and were servers instead of trainees. And her mother stuck up her nose and discredited all the work and effort Y/N had put into the years of working at Masa.

‘Madeline, do not discredit the server,’ Raymond tutted, catching both mother and daughter off guard, making them turn and look at the man. ‘A waitress and a server are very different. I dated a man who worked at a high-end place such as Masa,’ he explained to Y/N, ‘the amount of effort needed for the work and training you have to do before you earn your stripes is commendable,’ he told her.

‘Thank you, sir,’ Y/N, for the first time all night, broke out in a genuine smile. ‘It’s a lot of work, but work I am happy to do, for I love my job.’

‘Please, call me Raymond,’ he said, ‘perhaps Kevin and I shall come here for our anniversary this year,’ he commented absently.

‘Here,’ Wuntch said, snatching Y/N’s attention and thrusting the check back into her hands with the money. ‘Raymond,’ Wuntch nodded before getting up and leaving. Y/N rolled her eyes as she watched her mother walk from the building. She sighed and counted the money. Cost for the meals, the wine, and a tip. Y/N frowned as she looked at the tip, less than 1%. Typical mother, she thought.

‘Is all the money there?’ Raymond asked curiously, seeing her face.

‘Yes,’ Y/N assured him, ‘apologies, Raymond, I didn’t mean to alarm you.’

‘No, no, it is more than alright,’ Raymond said, ‘tell me, what made you so troubled?’

‘I shouldn’t say, really.’

‘Now, would I have asked if I did not want to know?’ He insisted.

‘She tipped less than 1%.’

‘I am incredibly sorry, Miss, you deserve far more than that,’ Raymond said as he pulled his own wallet out, grabbing a handful of notes and gave them to her.

‘Oh, no, no, no, I couldn’t,’ she said, ‘I wasn’t trying to get more.’

‘Please, I insist,’ Raymond said, ‘after all, I know Madeline has bought a lot of unfortunate victims to Masa in the past, so I presume you have had the poor luck to deal with the she-devil before.’

‘We have a saying when she comes in,’ Y/N chuckled as she hesitantly took the cash from him, ‘Watch out, watch out, the Wuntch is about!’

Raymond unleashed a giddy laugh, throwing his head back and revealing perfectly white teeth to all around him.

‘Oh, I like that!’ He declared, ‘would you mind if I use that?’

‘Go ahead, sir.’

‘Raymond,’ he corrected kindly.

‘Go ahead, Raymond.’

________________________________________________________________

‘Oh, are you sure they want to meet me?’ Y/N asked Jake hesitantly as the elevator took them to the second floor. Today was the day that she was to meet his co-workers, the 99. Y/N was beyond nervous at this point. She knew Gina, yes, but if the rest of the squad didn’t like her, then what did that mean for their relationship, for they were like a family.

‘They’re dying to meet you,’ Jake assured her, ‘and they’re going to love you.’

‘I hope so,’ Y/N mumbled as the doors opened to reveal the bullpen. There stood two women Y/N had never met before next to Gina, who gave her a comforting smile and wave, and two other men, one large like a gladiator, the other stocky with a uncontrollable grin.

‘Guys,’ Jake smiled as he and she stepped from the elevator and into the bullpen. ‘This is Y/N, my girlfriend. Y/N, this is the 99.’

‘Hello,�� Y/N waved awkwardly.

‘Hi, I’m Terry,’ the gladiator man nodded formally.

‘I’m Charles, and I’m thrilled to meet you.’

‘Rosa.’

‘And I’m Amy, and I want to meet the woman who’s managed to get Jake to stop having a can of spray cheese as his lunch.’

‘Well, here I am, and I hope I don’t disappoint.’

‘Where’s Captain Holt?’ Jake asked, looking around.

‘Why?’ Amy smirked playfully, ‘Want daddy’s approval?’

‘What? No!’ Jake scoffed dramatically, looking around for his captain. ‘But, where is he?’

‘Office,’ Terry said, gesturing behind him to the closed door. ‘He should be nearly done. He’s on the phone with One Police Plaza.’

As soon as Terry finished his sentence, Captain Holt’s door opened and outstepped the man himself. Captain Holt. Y/N looked to see that it was Raymond, from Masa, from dinning with her mother. Her mother’s worst enemy. She was dating the protégé of her mother’s worst enemy. Y/N gulped as Holt walked over and smiled friendly at her.

‘Hello again,’ Holt nodded in greeting.

‘So, is it Raymond, or Captain?’

‘Raymond.’

‘You’ve met?’

‘Yes. Raymond has dinned at Masa.’

‘She’s a wonderful server.’

‘Always nice to hear!’

________________________________________________________________

They sat in the break room as they all chatted away. Raymond hadn’t brought up Madeline Wuntch, and it didn’t seem like he would, so Y/N could breathe easier. She stopped tensing and just relaxed as her and the squad talked. It was nice.

‘Captain?’ said a large, older man coming into the room. ‘Wuntch is here.’

‘Wuntch?’ Y/N gulped. Oh, no, no, no, no. Her mother? It had to be. There was no other Wuntch she knew of.

‘Thank you, Scully,’ Raymond said getting to his feet and straightening his tie. Raymond gave a small quirk of the lip, ‘Watch out, watch out, the Wuntch is about.’

‘Clever,’ Rosa snorted in amusement.

‘It is Y/N’s rhyme. She has had the misfortune of serving Madeline,’ he said before strolling from the room.

‘You know Madeline Wuntch?’ Jake asked with a frown.

‘Jake, Wuntch cannot see me here, trust me!’ Y/N said, ignoring the question and confusion. The rest of the squad frowned and looked at each other in confusion as well. ‘Please!’

‘Alright, alright,’ he nodded, ‘let’s sneak you out of here.’

Everyone got to their feet and Jake gestured to Rosa to hand her leather jacket over, which she did. Amy and Rosa walked out and stood by Holt to keep Wuntch’s attention while Jake hid Y/N beneath the jacket and had Terry and Charles try and hide her hidden form behind their bodies. With slow steps, Y/N followed Jake, holding his hand. She heard her mother talk to Holt – they whipped insult after insult at each other. Y/N was so close to the gate but then she heard Wuntch.

‘And what is your little understudy hiding beneath Detective Diaz’s jacket?’ She said. Y/N gulped, hearing her mother’s shoes approach. She felt the woman’s hand on the jacket and pull it off, revealing Y/N to Madeline. Madeline stared at her daughter in shock, mouth hanging open. ‘Y/N?’ She blinked at the sight of Y/N standing in the 99.

‘So you know the poor girl’s name?’ Holt scoffed, ‘you just loved calling her ‘waitress’ when at Masa. Everyone always talks about how you have the same server and cannot even be bothered to learn her name, and yet, you know it – you just choose not to use it.’

‘Wait, you serve Wuntch at Masa?’ Jake looked at Y/N. ‘All the time?’

‘Yes.’

‘But you said the only person you serve repeatedly is your mother,’ Jake said. Y/N closed her eyes, wanting to disappear as she felt Jake next to her put two and two together. ‘Wuntch is your mother.’

Y/N opened her eyes and looked Madeline in the eyes. Madeline stared back.

‘Unfortunately so,’ she said. Madeline’s face noticeably changed in shock.

‘Madeline,’ Holt tutted as he walked over, hands behind his back, ‘did you send your daughter as a honeypot for my best detective?’

‘Please,’ Y/N scoffed, ‘she’d never dream of it, cause then she’d have to admit that she had a daughter.’

‘Excuse me?’ Madeline scowled.

‘Come on, you cancel on me all the time, only use me for seats at Masa, never refer to me by name when there, you can’t even be bothered to take your eyes off your damn paperwork when we’re in the same room.’ Y/N listed, ‘you’re ashamed of me, just say it. You always have been – you gave me to Dad the moment I popped out the womb, didn’t you? Hardly came for Birthdays, never sent me a Christmas card. I don’t exist to you.’

‘Maybe I hid you because I feared my rivals would use you against me.’

‘Bullshit,’ Y/N huffed, ‘your feud with Raymond always meant more to you than I ever did.’

Madeline still stared at her daughter, flames in her eyes. Y/N had disobeyed and made herself known, even if it was against her will, and, on top of that, she was dating a detective.

‘Y/N!’

‘Look, Mother,’ Y/N sighed, ‘I don’t care. I don’t care if you hate Jake, cause I love him. I don’t care if you’re ashamed of me, cause my life doesn’t revolve around your approval. I don’t care. I’m done. Just leave me alone,’ she said before turning on her heel and closing the elevator behind her, leaving the building.

‘Madeline…’

‘Leave it, Raymond.’

‘What do you think I’m going to say?’

‘That I am a terrible mother,’ Madeline said with a cracking voice, still looking at the elevator her daughter disappeared to.

‘I was actually going to ask why you hid her.’

‘I didn’t know what to do,’ she confessed, turning to face Raymond and the others. ‘I never planned to be a mother, I don’t know how to love my daughter. It’s difficult for me.’

‘Well, she is a lovely young woman.’

‘In spite of me,’ Madeline chuckled darkly as she wiped a stray tear away. ‘She became all that she is without me.’

‘Why’d you treat her like that?’ Jake asked.

‘I thought she was so much better off without me, that it is easier to have her hate me than love me.’

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #13 (1979)

This cover reminds me of at least three different nights in college.

One time in college, a drunk friend of mine fell UP the stairs and injured himself. One time in college, a guy down the hall invited me to drink with him and he was telling me about all the dead cockroaches he found under his dresser when he suddenly just vomited all over the front of his shirt. One time in college, I snuck into the top level of a factory in Los Banos which was really just a bunch of creaky catwalks in the dark and I stole their fire extinguisher (I did not go to college in Los Banos. Do they even have a college?!). One time in college, a girl in my Steinbeck class told me all about this cartoon she was watching called Sailor Moon and I desperately fell in love with her (and I also started watching the cartoon and super fell in love with that). One time in college, my friend Soy Rakelson looked at me confused after leaving our Lit Theory class and he blurted out, "Why doesn't he just tell us what is true?!" One time in college, my teacher wrote on one of my homework assignments "Please speak up in class more!" because it was a humanities course focusing on American History, Art, and Literature and all the dolts who did speak up in class were business majors and idiots. One time in college, I...no, you know what. I'm not telling that story. Never mind. One time in college, I went with a friend to a meeting where they were starting a new fraternity and everybody who was starting it automatically was in but my friend just missed that cut off and when they held the vote, he didn't make the cut. He left hurt and angry and pleaded with me to stay after he left to maybe find out more information about why he didn't make it. When they asked me if I were interested in joining, I laughed and said, "Fuck that," and left. One time in college, I had to describe my Halloween costume to my creative writing teacher because she was blind (I was Alice Cooper in Wonderland). That same day in college, my Children's Lit professor just laughed when she saw me and said, "Great costume." I wish I had a picture of it. Basically I wore the Alice blue dress and smock deal and Alice Cooper's make-up while carrying the decapitated and bloody head of the white rabbit. One time in college, I got wasted on Long Island Iced Teas at the Portland Rose Festival with my thirty-something year old coworker and we wound up running around the deck of a battleship when one of the Navy guys invited us on. One time in college, I sat next to my lesbian professor of 19th Century American Literature at the movies where we laughed and joked the whole way through Demi Moore's The Scarlet Letter. One time in college, I read my version of a scene from Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest in the style of Shakespeare and everybody after felt too intimidated to read theirs. Man, some of these stories are really sad! And I've purposefully left out the thousand or so stories that would have begun "One time in college during our Warhammer campaign...". Look, I really agonized about the punctuation at the end of that sentence but it wouldn't have been true to the punctuation's job performance to put all four periods within the quotes! I just realized I forgot to discuss the Aardvark Comments at the end of the last issue. It seems the expansion to two pages has stuck. The only part I remember was Dave Sim explaining that because of his nervous breakdown, he actually spent four days in a psyche ward. So I guess he went way past just shitting himself. Dave's Swords of Cerebus essay reveals one important fact: Necross the Mad was based on Exidor from Mork & Mindy. The issue begins with a bird shitting on Cerebus' snout. That's a portent I should use more often in my roller playing campaigns. Roller Playing Games should also have a simple rage statistic. Sort of like a saving throw but it gets harder and harder to save against every time some minor annoyance aggravates the player until they simply explode, becoming so careless from rage that it reflects in all of their dice roles. Or is that simply what going berserk is for Berserkers or Barbarians? Plus, there are so many Roller Playing Games, I'm sure one of them uses those rules in their system. Cerebus is captured by some farmers and taken to a Priest of Tarim to determine what sort of sorcerous monstrosity he is.

Cerebus pleads future violence.

The priest decides to dump Cerebus in the foyer of the castle of Necross the Mad, a sorcerer who has been plaguing the villagers of Lower Felda. His plan is that they'll simply kill each other and he won't have to deal with them anymore. Praise Tarim! Sometimes I wish I had become a priest but I don't think I would have made it through Divinity School. I'm fairly certain everybody would frown on my constantly yelling "Pshaw!" after every few passages from The Bible. I probably don't have to admit this because nobody was around to witness it but I just hopped up to turn on the light and then danced around humming the theme song from I Dream of Jeannie. One time in college, I went to see Ken Kesey speak after which he and his (new?) Merry Pranksters performed a sort of The Wizard of Oz play but about climate change. It was such a train wreck that halfway through, my friend Aaron Voorhees streaked across the stage. Or kind of duck waddled across the stage since he didn't take his pants off, he just dropped them around his ankles. The priest of Tarim has a lackey take Cerebus into the lair of Necross and it doesn't go too well.

Yikes. I'm more evil than this guy.

Sometimes I run outside in the morning to throw out garbage or something and I won't put my pants on. I figure it doesn't matter too much because I wear boxers and those are pretty much shorts. But today in the early morning hours, I was outside with my cat Gravy (on a leash) and I was up on the little hill in the backyard under the tree which enables me to see over all the backyard fences and two houses down, I caught sight of the woman there running back inside in her red panties. It was pretty awesome. I told that story because this guy's confession of looking down women's dresses reminded me of the moment and also because I wanted to tell people that I saw a woman in her underwear. This guy also confesses to having "impure thoughts about farm animals" which I totally have never done except in a rhetorical or theoretical or maybe even philosophical conversation. What I mean is I've never thought "I wonder what it would be like to fuck a goat?" but I have said to friends "You would probably fuck a goat, right?" Necross the Mad materializes so that he can speak with Cerebus (after disintegrating the guy who wants to fuck goats or sheep or chickens). Necross, being mad, decides to prove to Cerebus that he isn't mad. But his proof that he isn't mad is just more evidence that he is. That's what happens when you're mad; you're not the best advocate for yourself. Necross introduces Cerebus to Thrunk, a sixteen foot tall stone golem which Necross intends to bring to life at some point. That some point is soon and not in the way Necross intended because in a few pages, Necross is going to be killed and do an emergency transfer of his spirit into Thrunk.

Okay, less of an emergency transfer and more like an accident.

The priest's mob rushes into the tower where Thrunk begins to smash them all into jelly. While that's happening, Cerebus decides it's time to leave. As he wanders away to more sane territories, Necross the Mad realizes he's trapped in the only reinforced room of his tower. But if you think that's the end of Thrunk, you haven't read Church & State yet! Aardvark Comments just proves that a lot of people were discovering that Cerebus was one of the best comics on the market in 1979. Reading the Cerebus phone book in one sitting never allowed me to realize just how quickly this comic book finds itself and begins gaining momentum. It's truly inspired that Dave Sim, by issue thirteen, has created so many wonderful characters and written so many gags that stuck for decades inside my head. And I'm not a quote person at all! I'm more the type who thinks saying something new and unique and true to myself is dozens of times better than puking out some pop culture reference that everybody will recognize. Sure, I do it sometimes! But when I do, I do it all M. Night Shyamacock style! Cerebus #13 Rating: B+. I've given a lot of issues A grades so I thought I would change it up. This one is actually probably an A as well. I especially loved how Thrunk complains about the bottoms of his feet being sticky after stomping all of the farmers to death. We all how annoying that is, right?

[memorylang]

God’s Grace Through Pandemic Life | #45 | October 2020

As I strolled through the neighborhood on my last week in Reno, after days of freeze warnings and fire watch alerts that I saw on my phone, once-green tree leaves had become red, orange, amber and upon the earth. I’d walked with jacket layers, for I felt the breeze of change. 

I celebrated this Hallowe’en in Vegas, where weather’s warmer. Rather than helping at trick-or-treating events of years past, I’d urged against people going around, given we’re in a pandemic. Staying inside, I wrote this month’s tales. 

I start us back in Mongolia, February 2020, then bring us up to nowadays via March, June, September and October. Since we’re amid Allhallowtide, the Christian sequence of All Hallows’ Eve, All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day, I’ve decided to make God’s works the topic of today. Whether you read as a Christian or non-Christian, I hope you feel hope! 

A traditional Catholic prayer called the Examen involves one considering one’s day to recognize areas where God appeared present. Through this type of reflection, Christians better understand how God exists in every moment of all things. Often, this awareness takes conscious efforts to seek and recognize the Spirit. So in October’s tale, I seek it. 

February: Mongolia’s Churches Closed 

Eight months ago, I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Mongolia packing to evacuate to America. By Sunday, March 1, I would be boarding a Peace Corps vehicle with just my backpacks and a suitcase, having by then had to have said final goodbyes.

The Saturday night before, Feb. 29, a local CICM missionary priest visited my apartment. Back in this spring 2020, I’d written to you about how he and I related as foreign Catholics amid pandemic restrictions. I felt consoled by our discussions that night. 

My friend looked a bit glum when he said that this was his first Ash Wednesday without Mass. By mid-February, Mongolia had already barred large public gatherings, including church attendance. My friend explained how many Catholic churches, such as those in Korea and Taiwan, experienced the same. I realized that this must have been my first Ash Wednesday without Mass, too—what an uncertain start to Lent. 

But my friend and I moved from our dreary topic. We chatted about Mongolia’s culture, American culture and the Congo’s, from where he came. Reflecting on the culture that I’d soon encounter in the States felt refreshing. I felt glad that our discussions readied me for what would come. 

My friend and I also discussed Mongolia’s Lunar New Year /Tsagaan Sar/ that had begun that week. We asked each other how many бууз /boe-z/, the traditional steamed dumplings, we’d eaten. He said 15, and I guessed that I’d had at least 30. We chuckled. 

My priest raised an insightful point. Compared to more widespread Western practices, Mongolian hospitality felt like it extended across both the rich and poor. My experiences that very morning fit well his observation. An older Mongol friend who’d often given me lifts downtown or back had invited me to the house of his shopkeeper friend. And while the shopkeeper may have had more than other Mongols, he and others gave freely and generously. 

Shortly after reflecting with the missionary, my older friend returned to my apartment. To both I gave from my fridge and shelves all the food and ingredients they’d accept. We said bittersweet goodbyes. At least I could give as I’d received.  

God has a way too with echoing my late mother in my mind. My friendship with fellow foreigners in Mongolia reminded me of hers in America. She would befriend Chinese and Asian immigrants. When I was little in Indiana, I used to think that Mom simply liked to have friends who looked like her. Years later, when I’d met our relatives in China, they’d told me how she’d help foreign students who’d come to America. She sounded so selfless. And, after my own experiences being a foreigner in, for me, a foreign land, I realized that even the companionship of those who share experiences provides vital social support (Deut. 10:19). 

Comforted on my final night in the city whose people I’d committed to serve, I felt renewed on my sudden path to leave. 

March: America’s Churches Open

One week later—Sat. March 7—was my first full day back in Vegas. It also marked my return to church for the first time in weeks. At that time, my brothers were still busy with school, and our papa worked in another city. So, I went alone. 

Going alone let me arrive early and slip into wherever I wanted to sit. Still, my experiences as a Knight of Columbus led me to favor the front, where few go, anyway. I could hardly believe how in Mongolia so much had already closed yet in the States people acted as though the pandemic was hardly real. People in Mongolia hadn’t gotten the virus, yet people in Vegas already had. 

Still, the Mass felt refreshing. Reading the English-language hymnal hearing English-language speakers made so much a breeze. In fact, singing familiar music reminded me of going alone to the bishop’s Thanksgiving 2017 Mass when I visited home the year Mom died. Parishioners at that time had commented that I sang well. 

In March 2020, I kind of hoped that people wouldn’t comment, so I could lie low. But at Mass’s end, a woman in front of me complimented me, saying that she’d love to see me in up with the choir. Well, there’s my introduction. 

I approached the choir director to learn how to volunteer. I applied that week. When the office woman read my application, she commended that America could really use a person like me, speaking Chinese and Mongolian. I felt glad. 

In seven of eight days (week 1, March 7-14) I’d attended Mass, which was definitely a personal record. I spent almost my whole Friday, March 13 enjoying the church’s Lenten activities including Stations of the Cross and Adoration. 

But I could feel how times have changed. Seeing the newer Fr. Marc many days instead of our past Fr. Jim felt weird. I’d only seen Fr. Marc once, at Christmas 2019, because he’d started during the summer I left for Peace Corps. Fr. Jim, on the other hand, had pastored there since 2013, from my high school sophomore year till past my college graduation. 

At the week’s daily Masses, elderly folks treated me as a new member. They commended me as a young person for showing up to morning prayer, rosary and Mass. To be fair, in all my family’s years since 2008 there, we’d participated in few functions outside Sundays. My late ma was our exception, having sung in the choir. Still, hearing folks commend me for coming to church reminded me of my conversation the week before in Mongolia with my priest who came to say farewell—how much we missed the Mass. 

A week later, my second in America, churches closed from the pandemic. This made more sense. Still, I loved my brief week back in church. I’d recounted Easter 2020 in my story of week 6 (April 10-16). Now, let’s fast-forward! 

June: Feeling Called to Reach Out

On my last June Wednesday, week 16 (June 19-25), I was in Reno, Nev., taking part in our Carmelite Monastery’s Zoom prayer session. We couldn’t meet in person. During our long contemplative silence, I felt this urge to share with a handful of specific friends my then most recent blog story, “Fathers’ Day, Familiarity and Faith | #38 | June 2020.” 

I felt surprised by this idea and sat with it for a while. Ultimately I felt convinced that I ought to share. 

I learned that one of the women to whom I sent the story, a friend of mine from high school, had been working for our congressman’s office. We enjoyed catching up. She even shared with me online events about religious diversity. 

A couple months later, week 24 (Aug. 14-20), the National Peace Corps Association (NPCA) advocacy had requested that I arrange meetings with my congressman’s office. I remembered that I had a friend there. I reached out to her, and she was my in. Her colleagues quickly set a conference call with me and Returned Peace Corps Volunteers. 

A month of advocacy followed. Then, on week 27 (Sept. 4-10), the NPCA held a check-in call. They mentioned that I should have already been receiving Pandemic Unemployment Assistance (PUA). So, they suggested that I reach out to my congressman’s office. 

Actually, I consider that 2020 week of Sept. 9 my ‘seven days of wonder’ for its great and many unexpected happenings. The week coincidentally followed a few months’ consecutive daily rosaries. Well, I reached out once more to my friend. 

By the next week 28 (Sept. 11-18), after my struggles with the system since mere days after I’d reached the States from Mongolia, I was, in September, then finally receiving the PUA. 

I felt extremely privileged and grateful to have had that connection who could help me. I felt awed by how I’d reconnected with her simply because I felt called in prayer to do so. God works in mysterious ways! 

September: Wondrous Feelings

Usually, car rides between Reno and Vegas can be for many the most lackluster trips across the American west. Well, this time was different! 

During the ride to Vegas ending my week 29 (Sept. 18-24), Dad drove, and my tita /tee-tuh/ (my Filipina stepmom) rode shotgun when she wasn’t driving. Well, Tita suggested that she and I pray a rosary. I felt surprised, since Dad had said that his mom would pray rosaries on car rides. Dad said that the two of us could do the praying for him. Thankfully, since my COVID summer rosaries, I’ve grown accustomed to praying on the fly! 

I procured from my pocket the blue rosary that my mom had gifted me in commemoration of my First Communion 2005—one that I’d repaired last year with a Mexican cross I received at World Youth Day. Anyway, I liked to keep it with me. Tita and I prayed the Luminous Mysteries since it was Thursday. Luminous are my favorites, too. They feature Jesus’ teaching, Transfiguration and Last Supper—all among my favorite Biblical moments. 

Well, after we finished, I noticed that I had cell service again (a blessing in rural Nevada). I also had received a Facebook message from someone unfamiliar, with a uni listed in Hong Kong. The message thanked me for having written an article. I felt joyfully confused and typed to ask which. He wrote that he meant my one about learning Mongolian! He added, he wanted to travel to Mongolia. 

I felt pleased. I’d just finished the piece my week before, recounting experiences learning languages. When I asked him what languages he knows, he mentioned Chinese and added that his English isn’t very good. So, I swapped to Chinese characters, writing back and forth in those. He added that he too is learning Mongolian, so I briefly hopped to Mongolian! Then we settled on Chinese. 

Every so often, when my cell service went spotty, I recounted to Tita my joys from this conversation. 

Turns out that my new friend worked for a media corporation in Southern (Inner) Mongolia in China. I added, what a coincidence, since I’d studied journalism as an undergrad! He asked on what topics I’d reported, so I linked articles about my pieces on religious and ethnic diversity. He felt amazed! I insisted that I’ve great teachers, friends and God to thank. 

By this time, Tita was driving, and we reached Tonopah, the halfway point between Reno and Vegas. Cellular data was stable, so I figured I’d better finish the conversation. With all these coincidences, I felt joys like those of the Magnificat! 

I asked the friend about the topics on which he reports. He wrote that he interviews people and covers Chinese Mongols, including their culture, economy and, more recently, the pandemic. His interest in Mongolian culture is why he’s studying their language. I felt amazed! I love when people share stories about diverse groups. 

The friend had added that he looked forward to reading more of my work. I felt delighted. Finally, I asked how he’d found my work. Turns out he was reading about Mongolia’s education, came across the Peace Corps, and my article popped up. Somehow after that, he found me on Facebook and messaged me, too! The internet astounds me. 

Earlier in the week, I’d attended a seminar in which panelists assured me that whether or not people read my work, I should continue to practice writing daily. Well, somehow my work found someone all the way on our globe’s other side. 

And earlier that day, I’d connected online with a stateside Chinese instructor who’d had some free time, being short on students due to the pandemic. She offered to teach me for free, just because I wanted to learn! I felt overjoyed at her offer and thankful that she wrote how glad she was that we’d found each other. 

How could I be so blessed? 

After all, I’d been already working with a friend to learn my Latin who similarly found joy in instructing me from my sheer willingness to learn. Well, the evening’s surprise conversation with the reporter in Chinese Mongolia gave me my answer. 

I, too, try to freely share so others might learn. I’m like those who teach me. So blessed! 

October: To Church Again and Again (...And Again!)

I empathize with Americans who insist that we need to reopen churches amid this pandemic. I really worry about public health, and indoor churches can be dangerous when people don’t take all the proper precautions. Despite these, some churches take proper precautions. I felt gladdened this month by multiple opportunities to visit church.

Overall, October was a great month for my faith. 

It kicked off with reuniting with the first Peace Corps Mongolia Volunteer from my cohort I’d seen since March! Drew and I had made our farewells in Berlin, Germany, so seeing each other again in Reno, Nev., of all places felt amazing. We swapped religious and spiritual resources like the good ol’ days when we’d served in neighboring Mongolian provinces.

After having been out of church since March 2020 (just watching the liturgies online), I’d gotten to attend Catholic Masses five times! For a Catholic Christian like me, the Mass can be an especially consoling experience with Christ, fellow believers and a religious leader. 

My first Masses since week 1 (March 7-14) were in week 31 (Oct. 2-8). My family had come up for our youngest sister’s confirmation at Our Lady of Wisdom Newman Center, Reno, originally to happen at Easter. The Mass felt different, with people so far apart. I felt flickers of memory from my 2016 confirmation and those that I’d attended over the years. So few people this year with such distance between us left me feeling strange but still gladdened by the fellowship. 

After the event, we ate out at a Taiwanese restaurant decorated with pictures of the 101. I remembered friends and felt nostalgic about my life in Taipei. I miss Asia. 

The Thursday after, fellow Brother Knights of Columbus and I revisited Reno’s cathedral. It had tile floors now instead of carpet. This felt surreal. I hadn’t expected to be there in a while. My Grand Knights and I used to serve there mornings of my undergrad. But, staff still remembered us, greeting us warmly. The place was beautiful. My Worthy Brothers and I returned there the week after, leading up to Fall Retreat 2020. 

Winding Up on Retreat

I feel that God does funny things in our lives. Even what we perceive as inconveniences wind up serving His greater mission. My folks and I thought that I would have a ride down to Vegas for the weekend after Fall Retreat, so I let the coordinators know that I’d be around to attend. 

Through a series of miscommunications, we found on the morning of Retreat that I actually didn’t have a ride to Vegas. But, too late to change that! 

Fall Retreat was awesome, getting to “Be Still” (Mk. 4:39). It was my first retreat since spring 2019, a year and a half prior. Amid undergrad, I was attending two to four retreats a year. Coincidentally, my freshman’s Spring Retreat 2016 theme too was “Be Still” (Ps. 46:10). 

On Retreat, coordinators had posted up a still from the Pope’s Lenten 2020 “Urbi et Orbi” (to the City and to the World) prayer service in the Vatican. I recalled having seen that on TV, the surrounding darkness beyond his platform’s lights, my week 4 (March 27-April 2). Reflecting on this image and others during week 33 (Oct. 16-22) reminded me of just how long I’ve been back in the States weathering this pandemic. 

The retreat reintroduced me to the Ignatian Examen prayer, so I resumed that, too! Retreat’d helped me to remember that solidarity with Christ and fellow believers is crucial to my spiritual wellbeing. 

My fourth October Mass concluded our day. To have a closing Mass reminded me of World Youth Day in Panamá, an exclamation point to mark a grand day. I’d taken years to appreciate the Mass this much. 

Later that week, I got to attend Mass one last time, followed by learning this new game, “Among Us” with the students. Evidently it fits the Hallowe’en season! Fellowship is fun.  

Being Prepared

By mid-October, week 32 (Oct. 9-15), I’d resumed my grad school search after my Latin-tutoring friend taking the LSAT suggested that I take the GRE while still here in the States. 

Meanwhile, the friend with whom I’ve been reading a Psalm a day suggested that I should move to D.C. for its foreign service opportunities. When I mentioned to her my grad school search, she asked a series of probing questions to better understand my intentions. After all, not too many people declare that they want to devote graduate studies to Chinese Christianity. 

The next day, I had a Zoom call with a Catholic writer in Malta. I felt surprised that all the questions my friend asked to encourage me to think critically reappeared as similar questions that the writer asked to gauge my interests. 

I felt gleefully surprised by similarities. I answered his questions with much greater clarity than my friend’s. He gave me clear advice. 

Both encouraged me to remember no matter my work to put God first. As my friend noted, religious leaders of Jesus’ time, according to Scripture, had focused more on the words than their meanings. She insisted that I take to heart the meanings. She and the Catholic writer reminded me of my other spiritual mentors. I felt glad. 

November: Election Day!

After seeing my media mentors before I left Reno and having watched the U.S. presidential debates online, I felt drawn to read “Beyond the Messy Truth” by Van Jones. In his book, Jones tries to pinpoint American thoughts that shaped the 2016 election and teach us to understand and respect many perspectives. 

People pray on both sides that their candidates win. I pray more that with whatever happens, people on both sides accept the outcome. In these United States, we need decency to work together. 

Well, with Bon Jovi’s “2020” on my room’s music player I’ve worked on another few lovely blog stories for you~ Regardless of which way the election goes, my end-of-October story will cover American diversity! Hopefully we’ll know our next president by my time of writing. I’m hoping to include in that second tale this month, too, anecdotal adventures with my present and future. 

The closer I get to January, the more I realize I might be going back to Mongolia soon. Keep me in your prayers. And see you on the flipside! 

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

[honeybearloco]

“Hola Mami.”

Requested by an anon. This beautiful man, I just can’t.

Yu Kwon in enjoyed everything about you. From head to toe. Inside and out. You were just so perfect. It was very obvious he had the biggest crush on you. You could spot it a mile away. Of course you didn’t listen at all when his members were trying to tell about his little crush on you. 

Even their manager saw how Yu Kwon would act around you. It made it worse since you were assigned to him as his makeup artist. 

You were a makeup artist under KQ Entertainment. You were studying abroad in Korea. It was far away from home, but you liked it here. You needed to make money to help pay for your way of life. You didn’t want anything basic. Batista is so overrated. 

KQ Entertainment was in need of new makeup artists. You decided to take it upon yourself to had in for a job interview and got it. You weren’t big on the whole Korean music scene or KPOP. You stuck to your traditional Mexican folk and Bachata. (I love bachata, dude! Just Spanish music in general. It’s amazing) That’s what you listened to, not all you listened to. But mostly. 

Your first day was fairly easy. Your first assignment was of course easy. At first you were assigned to Zico. You became good friends with him. While doing his makeup, you’d talk about your everyday lives. 

Yu Kwon didn’t like it one bit. Ever since he laid his eyes on you, he felt like it was destiny to talk to you. He didn’t like how close you were to his group mate. He was as happy as he could be when you were reassigned to him. He just loved your smile. He didn’t know much about you. Your smile and body attracted him to you. But he wanted to get to know you. 

As the days went on, you grew closer to him. You liked to spend time with him. Sometimes you spent time together when you weren’t working. He showed you Korea in detail when he had the time. He even showed you places you’ve never heard of before. The both of you enjoyed each other’s company.  

Today after work he took you to a newly opened cafe just down the street from the building. You were your happy self today. He noticed. “Hey, Y/N, are you okay?” 

“Oh, ah. I’m fine. I just miss somethings from home.” You said very quiet. 

“Things? Like?”

“Dances. Clothing. Parties. Just a few things.”

“We dance here in Korea.”

“It’s not the same Yu Kwon. I want to see salsa dancing again. I want to hear the sounds of my home countries music with my family. I miss going to Mexican styled parties. It’s just not the same here. I want to speak Spanish and not be looked weird at. I want to dance to Bachata! I might even wanna salsa dance in a traditional dress.” He couldn’t understand.

“Huh? What’s that?”

You sighed “Yu Kwon, what I’m trying to say is, I want to go home. Thank you for dinner. See you later.”

You got up from the table and left. He felt bad. He thought of ways to make it up to you. The word ‘Bachata’ he kept repeating in his head. He began to say it to himself. Trying to get the word correct. 

He grabbed his phone and searched. “Spanish lessons online.”

He was going to make me happy again, no matter what it took. He didn’t care if he had to upset people to put a smile back on your face. 

For the next couple of weeks he’s been learning about the Mexican culture for you. The language, the music, the dancing, and the parties. He needed you to smile again. 

Finally you had came back into work. It’s been about two to three weeks. You had no more vacation days left. It was going to be awhile until you got a refill of vacation. You wanted to go back home. Yu Kwon spotted you a couple of feet away. He made his way over to you. You looked slightly and waved. “Hola mami. Come estas?” 

You arched your eyebrows. “What did you say?”

“Le dije hola mami, come estas?” He reapeated moving a bit closer to you. “Are you trying to hit on me in Spanish?” You asked. 

“Is it working?” He whispered. You shook your head no with a huge smile.

“Okay then. Y/N, I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise? Where is it?” 

“You have to wait to receive it.” He added.

You groaned. You hated waiting for things. But usually if Yu Kwon told you to wait, it must be something really good. “Can I have a hint?” You asked holding his arm and giving him the puppy eyes. 

He never could resist those puppy eyes you had. If it was any other girl, maybe he could. But it was you. The woman he’d been had a crush on the longest time. 

“UGH! Fine, it’s a party. I can’t tell you anymore. Just be ready at 9 tonight. Okay?”

You nodded and smiled. You got to work and finished up everything you needed to do early. You decided to leave work early and go home. When you got home, you began to prepare for the party. It always took you hours to get ready for a party. I mean who doesn’t take about two to three hours get ready for a big party? 

You slipped on a beautiful tight red dress that went to your to the top of your knees. You picked out a pair of Louboutin Bianca 140 Black Patent Leather (A/N: It’s oddly specific, I’m sorry. I really like those shoes) to go with it. 

You began to put on a few layers of makeup. You didn’t want to put too much on. You knew you’d get a mouthful if Yu Kwon spotted you with a lot of makeup. He didn’t like when you had a lot of makeup on. 

He loved your bare face. He was fascinated by it. No matter how much makeup you thought you needed to wear, Yu Kwon loved you with no makeup the best.

At 8:40, you heard a rather loud knock at the front door. You walked to the front door and opened it, to see Yu Kwon in a suit looking as sharp as ever. “Woah, Yu Know, you look sharp. Is this party that formal? Should I go change?”

“No! You already look so stunning. It’s already 8:42, we should get going. Are you ready?” You nodded and the two of you locked arms. He walked you to his car and you both got in.

He drove to the venue. When you got there, you looked at the venue building. It was huge! “Yu Kwon, are you sure this is the right place? It looks a bit too formal for a party.” 

“Of course I’m sure this is where it is. Y/N, trust me. Don’t worry about anything. I just want you have a goof time tonight. I want you to remember this night years from now.”

He parked his car and the both of you got. You locked arms and walked into venue. When you walked in, you went through wide double doors to see a beautiful Mexican themed party that looked just like the parties back at home. 

“SURPRISE!” A crowd suddenly appeared. 

The crowd was filled with coworkers, his members, your friends, and your mother. 

“Mama?”

“Yes, it’s me Hija.”

You rushed over and hugged her tightly. “I missed you so much hija. How is Korea treating you?” 

“Good mama.”

You let go of her. “How did you get here?” You asked. 

“Your boyfriend over there, helped me. I rode in a private jet! Can you believe that?”

You smiled hearing the joyful in her voice. It had been awhile since you had seen her. You ignored the part where she called Yu Kwon your boyfriend. 

During the party you watched dancers attempt to dance the salsa. Most did it very well. You turned to your left to see a hand reached out for yours. It was Yu Kwon’s. “Let’s get out there and show them how it’s done.” “What the heck.”

You grabbed his hands and followed him to the dance floor. You were center. The rest of dancers backed off. The DJ changed the song. He quickly grabbed you by your waist and pulled you close. “Follow my lead.” You nodded in amazement. 

And that you did. You followed his lead, your eyes not once leaving his. There was something about Yu Kwon dancing salsa that was unlike anything you’ve seen before. He was already a very attractive man, but he was even more attractive dancing to the salsa. 

Your mother always wanted her son in law to be a good dancer. Maybe she might get her wish.

Suddenly he spun you around. You swayed your hips against him. He spun you back around to face him when he stopped, he picked up your leg and wrapped it around his waist. He dipped you slowly. His hand slowly caressed your body. You could hear the sudden screaming of the crowd. 

He slowly picked you back. Your faces were about five inches apart. Your eyes were fixed on his lips. His eyes were fixed on your lips. “Are you just gonna stare at my lips or are you gonna kiss me?” 

He smiled a bit before smashing his lips on yours for a passionate kiss. You were on cloud nine. The crowd clapping, screaming, and hollering was being drowned out. You pulled away and became back to reality. 

“Would now be a bad time to say I like you?” He asked. 

“No, now is a perfect time.” You answered. He gave you a sweet kiss to your lips. 

The party went on for a couple of more hours. You were in the corner with Yu Kwon. His head was in your lap. 

“Yu Kwon, thanks for tonight. I really enjoyed it. And thanks for getting my mom here. I think she likes you.”

“No problem. And good, so she’ll be at our wedding and by then, maybe I could say our vows in Spanish.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Well keep practicing. Maybe I could teach you a thing or two.”

I’m back finally. I hope you enjoyed. I kind of rushed because I lost the original ending and I don’t remember what it was. I’m really sorry about my little “hiatus” and the ending of this. Thanks for reading. Have an amazing day/night. 

[tackyink]

A continuation of yesterday’s story… Which I should probably have waited to edit on a PC instead of a phone and avoid inevitable silly mistakes, but oh well.

Forces go to work while we are sleeping If I could attack with a more sensible approach Obviously thats what I’d be doing

Dissociative fugue.

That was the verdict of the doctors after days of extensive testing. Physically speaking, I had a concussion, a first degree sprain in my right wrist, and a few bruises. And somehow, I’d been clinically dead for a minute, but I had come back from the other side when nobody expected me to pull through without any signs of brain or cardiopulmonary damage.

Except, of course, my memory. And that could loosely be attributed to the concussion or the shock of a near-death experience, so the doctors observed me with a lot of curiosity, but not much worry.

They reassured these people – my parents, I still couldn’t wrap my mind around that – that fugue states were transitory, and that it was a matter of time that I’d recover my memories.

I couldn’t do anything but sit there and listen to their theories. Even if I tried to explain what had happened, nobody would believe it. I could hardly believe it myself. And I could not explain myself, because I didn’t have the vocabulary to do so, and with my brother absent I had nobody to translate.

His name was Yu, and after I woke up I didn’t see him again at the hospital, so I communicated with the personnel with a mix of my own mangled Japanese and their sloppy English.

I couldn’t do much those first few days. My dominant hand was immobilized with a plaster splint as soon as I complained that it hurt, and there was always someone in my room keeping an eye on me. My mother, despite how hard she had taken it when I woke up (and really, how else could a mother take her daughter forgetting about her?), had decided that she was going to remind me of everything I had forgotten, even if that meant recounting to me Satori’s life from the moment she was born.

Her determination was contagious.

Once it was evident that normal communication was impossible, she left the room to make a call, came back, and when my father came hours later to the hospital, he was carrying a Japanese-English dictionary that was heavy as a brick. I had to place it on the bed to use it, because I couldn’t hold it in my hands. But once we had that my mom pushed ahead with her plan, and every time I had trouble understanding something she said, or I needed a word I did not know, we had the dictionary to help.

To this moment I don’t know how we didn’t wear out the spine, because we used it constantly.

Those days had two effects on me, though neither were the one my mother had intended.

One, I got the harshest crash course in Japanese ever, and my vocabulary expanded considerably. I still spoke worse than a preschooler, but I knew more difficult words than one. Go ahead and explain to a four year old what a dissociative amnesia is, I dare you.

Two, I learned a lot about Satori and her family life. None of the things my mother told me could jog memories I did not have to start with, but I filed away as much information as my concussed brain allowed me.

Satori was thirteen, in her second year of middle school, and played tennis in a club. Her grades were okay, though they had been better years ago, and she took piano and English lessons after school. My mother was very surprised at how well I managed myself in English, because Satori’s English grades during the last year had been atrocious.

I laughed it off and said that that was odd.

There was more. My mother had been a secretary before becoming a stay at home mom, and my dad was a prosecutor. Her name was Yuko, his was Akio, and judging by the kanji of our names, our whole family was one big wordplay. My mother shared the first character of her name with my brother Yu, as I did with my father.

I stared at the kanji she wrote on a piece of paper. Yu’s name sounded masculine by itself, but used its meaning was ‘kindness’. He had a girl’s name.

I had no clue what Satori’s meant at first glance, but I’d soon learn that it had an obnoxious amount of pronunciations, and most of them were male names.

Some parents just have to make it difficult for their kids.

Our surname was Kaito, written with the characters of ‘sea’ and ‘wisteria’. It made me happy that I was able to read them without help.

Back to my new family, my mother told me that Yu was a very smart kid, which was a delicate way of saying that I had a genius brother, and that he was only ten but could speak English fluently, as well as read Chinese and classical Japanese. He spent a lot of time reading and writing, and didn’t have many friends, which was also another way of saying that he didn’t have any.

I noticed how she skirted around the subject when I asked how we got along.

I thought it was a funny coincidence that his name was Yu Kaito. A coincidence that started to make me uncomfortable as the days passed and I had time to sweat the small details. There was a CRT TV in my room. Nobody used mobile phones. There was a cassette player at the nurse station, and their phone was boxy and looked downright ancient. I had used one of those as a toy when I was little.

On the third day, I asked my mother for a calendar, and she gave me the calendar card with the image of two kittens she was carrying inside her purse.

1984. It was 1984.

I asked my mother – I was little by little getting used to think about her on those terms, if only to avoid any suspicious goof-ups on my part – if the calendar was right. She looked at me a little concerned, said it was, and asked me if I knew which year it was. I told her I did, I just but I had forgotten the date. She pointed to the 21st of September and suggested that I crossed a day off the calendar every day until I got readjusted.

It was one of those times that I didn’t know how I managed to keep my composure. It tried to smile at her, though I’m sure it came out more like a grimace, and she hugged me in a way that reminded me of my own mother. Before I realized, I was sobbing on her shoulder, and she was trying to console me with words I didn’t quite understand. She held me until I stopped crying, and she left me alone for a while with the calendar and my thoughts.

1984.

It was so Orwellian that I would have laughed if not for what it meant.

I was born in 1989. There was no body for me to return to. Wherever I had been transported to, I did not exist in this reality.

Did this mean that, when my time to be born came, another one would take my place? That I wasn’t supposed to be born in this timeline? Maybe the original Satori would switch places with me? But who was to say that my parents existed in this world at all?

I spent the afternoon thinking about possibilities, of people I missed, of getting used to a new family and country and culture all of a sudden, all while slowly crossing out numbers on the calendar. I saw my parents’ birthdays, my friends’, mine. I circled them to not forget, because even if my idea was to find a way back, I couldn’t bring myself to be optimistic about my chances. I didn’t know where to begin.

I’d been called a pessimist for many long years, especially when I was a child and unbridled optimism was what had been expected of me. But I had never been able to let go of my worries like that. Always overthinking, always theorizing what could go wrong and how to fix it before it happened. And it worked in my favor, most of the time. Even when fixing it wasn’t in my hands, I could take consolation in knowing how things worked, that if circumstances were a little different there would be a way, that if I pushed onwards, a possibility could eventually arise.

This time, though, I was utterly lost. Not enough information, no containment plans, no foundation upon which to build any.

The only thing to do was wait. I had to observe, learn, live. An opportunity to understand would surely come up, and when it did, I would be able to build upon that.

And so I crossed day after day with black ink, until I reached September 16th. The day of my accident.

I circled it in red, though I knew I wouldn’t be able to forget.

When I was released that weekend, my routine didn’t change much at first. I couldn’t be sent to school because I was still in recovery, supposedly, so for the first few days I stayed home alone with my mother while my parents scrambled to find a tutor who could come home and help me.

The Kaito family lived in a mansion, that is, something akin to a luxury apartment. It’s bigger, with more solid construction than a regular one; city housing meant for upper-middle class families. I spent the first few days with my mother, though as I got settled in, I decided that if I was stuck in this situation, I was going to adapt to it as fast as possible. I began reading everything that fell into my hands, and that was how I stumbled into the final clue that I needed to realize what was going on.

One afternoon, I was attempting to read one of my hospital forms with the help of a kanji dictionary, and the help of a regular dictionary to understand what the kanji said. Yu’s knack for all things wordy meant that we were excellently stocked on reference books, and I was going to take advantage of them to the fullest of my ability.

I spent a while deciphering the description of my condition, and when I got tired of figuring out technical terms I moved onto the basic part of the form: name, social security name, city of residence…

And that was where I came to a halt. I was able to read the first half of the name of the city.

My hands stilled over the pages of the dictionary.

1984.

Yu Kaito.

And a city whose name began by ‘mushi.’

Hesitantly, I began to pass the pages in search of the second character, giving the form nervous glances, not sure if fearing that I was right about my suspicion or worried that I had read it wrong and I was losing that one hint.

And right I was, I realized, when the dictionary gave the reading of the second character as ‘yori.’

If this was a coincidence, it wasn’t funny.

It wasn’t funny because it gave me context, a way to find people who could help me explain what had happened, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it for years. I could only hold on to hope until then, and if my supposition ended up being a mistake… could I take that?

It had to be a coincidence. Yu Yu Hakusho was not real. Real people didn’t get transported into their favorite anime series like a bad fic trope.

So, until I had hard evidence that my theory was right, I refused to entertain it. I convinced myself that I was looking for whatever trace of familiarity I could hold onto, and I needed to keep paying attention and gather clues that didn’t point to complete baloney.

But while the doubt stayed with me for some days, evidence piled up so high that I was forced to admit my situation was exactly what it looked like.

It became undeniable during one of my many follow-up visits at the hospital.

Doctor Kobayashi, the same that had been in my room when I first woke up, was telling my mother that my motor skills were fine, my brain activity was normal and that the fact that I was steadily regaining my linguistic ability was proof that my recovery was going well. That they would keep an eye on me for some time, but she didn’t need to worry. I was fine, save for the fugue state that didn’t seem to go away, but since I was behaving, they were positive that I’d regain my memory after the shock wore off. A resident sat next to the doctor, listening attentively to the conversation.

While they talked and I tried to figure what was going on, I saw a woman enter the doctor’s office. All would have been well if she hadn’t gone through a closed door. She seemed distraught, wandering without an objective, until she noticed that she was being stared at.

I was frozen on my chair, staring at her, wondering if this was it and I’d gone crazy at last. She seemed to be in her thirties, clad in a formal navy blue dress and a black jacket. Her eyes were sunken, and when they met my own, I felt a shiver go down my spine. It wasn’t because of her face alone. She radiated a chilling cold that seemed to skip clothes, skin and muscle to go straight to the marrow of my bones.

The doctor’s voice brought me back to earth, but I had caught the woman’s attention by then, and something told me that that wasn’t good.

“Satori, are you okay?”

“Yes,” I said, trying not to look scared. “Sorry.”

The doctor smiled kindly. “If you feel anything odd you should tell your parents, all right?”

“Yes,” I repeated, nodding emphatically, and I tried to ignore the ice cold feeling that ran over me when a translucent hand attempted to touch my shoulder and instead sank in it.

“Where’s my body?” Said a voice in my head only I could only hear. “Why does no one else see me?”

The ghostly hand was protruding from the middle of my torso, and I hoped that the others weren’t paying attention to me, because I felt the blood drain from my face as I stared at it. But my lack of reaction made the spirit nervous, and she started to shriek as she tried to touch me to no avail, hands going through my physical body, each touch feeling like ice cubes were being shoved into my organs.

“Where’s my body? Where?! Tell me! I know you can see me, TELL ME!!”

When I thought I wouldn’t be able to bear it anymore, my mother thanked doctors Kobayashi and Kamiya and took my hand.

I looked at the resident as soon as I heard the name. Young, in his early to mid-twenties, with brown hair and glasses and a sharp stare.

He smiled at me. I squeezed my mom’s hand. The ghost shrieking behind me, the potential serial killer sitting there and the inability to do anything about either of them, another confirmation that I had ended up in a fictional world, everything felt too much to bear.

“Let’s go home,” said my mother.

I jumped from my chair quickly and followed along, forcing myself to keep my eyes down until we left the building. Don’t look at the dead, don’t look at the living, just focus on getting out until you are out and safe.

The hallways of the hospital felt eerie and ominous now that I knew what would happen there in a few years. How many of the people I was crossing paths with would die at the hands of the Doctor?

I kept running into Minoru Kamiya almost every time I visited my doctor. He was always there, with a pleasant smile that I was never able to return. Taking notes diligently, sometimes asking questions. His behavior was nothing but professional, and it was perhaps this facade of normalcy what made him scarier. After a few months, doctor Kobayashi asked my parents for permission to write a paper on my case. I was afraid that my secret would be found out upon closer inspection, but it was a baseless fear. Nobody in their right mind could guess that I was occupying a body that wasn’t mine.

The one I didn’t see again, thankfully, was the ghost of the lady, but on subsequent visits, I noticed more odd people near the ER and in the hallways. I made a point not to look at them directly, but they were there, always one or another, easily distinguishable from the living because the light seemed to go through them and cast a slight sheen over them. Some looked brighter. Some looked like shadows, the human behind the darkness barely distinguishable.

I never saw them twice. I supposed they had passed on in between my visits to wherever they had to go.

But once I noticed that one, they became a constant in my life. At parks. In back alleys. At the corner shop. Once, even, sitting on an oar with a woman in a kimono, riding it towards the clouds.

I was incredulous, but not stupid. The time for denial was over. And, conveniently, I seemed to have awakened my spirit awareness. Did that mean I had died in the accident? As I recalled, that was how Yusuke’s power had done the same. Then again, Satori may have been able to do this before I took over her body. I had no way to know.

But now that I knew where I was, hard to believe as it was, I had gained a perspective that let me be more at ease with my situation. At that time, I decided that I’d wait patiently until my brother crossed paths with Yusuke and the others, and I’d tell someone from the Spirit World about my problem. With luck, they’d have a way for me to go back. And in the worst case… well, I supposed that I was already dead. After all, I had no body of my own to go back to.

[erincardenthailandblog]

Back in Na Kae

After spending six weeks as an American tourist abroad I was out of money, energy, and sadly, most of the excitement I left my village with.  I was eager to return to my “authentically Thai” lifestyle in Na Kae. Although I was pleased to be back in the comforts of my beautiful blue traditional Thai house that I now call home, I returned to Na Kae feeling somewhat flat. I knew I was coming back to teach a second semester that would be more or less identical to my last, and I most likely wouldn’t meet any new people. I had already been confronted with all the major cultural differences and I had already been faced with the discomforts of adjusting to a new environment. Simply put, I felt “used to” everything. Nothing was “new” and I felt almost, too comfortable. I no longer felt the joy and wonder of living in a new place. I missed my home, my friends, and my life in New York City.

Traveling abroad, teaching for the first time, and living alone in a rural environment has transformed me in so many nameless ways that I have begun to miss a sense of self I previously held. A self shaped by twenty-two years living in New York City. A self shaped by the people I love. There are a few people I see in my daydreams when I imagine what my future might look like, and lately these daydreams have felt so far away. I have been away from the people, places, sights, and sounds that have colored the way I understand and see myself for so long, that I returned to Na Kae feeling somewhat unrecognizable to myself.

The vastness and the silence of my surroundings brings me a sense of inner peace that pulls my state of “wholeness” apart at the same time. While living alone in rural Thailand and having time to sit in silence with myself has brought me “inner peace” and a sense of “wholeness,” I sometimes feel incomplete and disconnected from myself and from everything in my life before Thailand that made me “me.” But I guess that’s normal when you travel and live abroad for eleven months. I guess the point is that in life, especially living abroad, you are constantly “losing” and “finding” yourself. You are in a constant state of flux.

A constant personal goal of mine throughout my time in Thailand has been to have an open mind in order to make the best of my relatively short time here. With this in mind I realized that I had been temporarily “blocked” by thinking I couldn’t possibly experience anything new during my second semester. And so, with this goal in mind, I opened my eyes and began my second semester actively taking note of all the positive new experiences I have every day, no matter how big or small. Doing so has helped me remember how little I really know about the world.

One thing I’ve learned a lot about while living in Thailand is rice farming. I’ve lived here long enough to witness the three main stages of rice harvesting. It is monsoon season now which means it is also rice-planting season.  Rice farmers have been busy digging canals to channel the rainwater into their rice fields. On the road I walk past dusty faced men and women wading knee deep in muddy water, pulling out tufts of rice and loading them onto wheelbarrows. They all wave to me as I walk by.

Throughout my time here I’ve also learned about the nurturing kindness found in Thai culture. This month I felt it the most when my co-worker, Olivia, and I were stranded in the middle of a rice field because her motorbike broke down. We walked the bike to a nearby mechanic shop and were immediately given water and two chairs made out of wood and tire rims to sit on in the shade while they tried to fix the bike. One woman there spoke to us in the few English words she knew and all three of us tried to engage in a conversation which turned into us laughing and shrugging our shoulders because we didn’t understand one another. With no luck fixing the bike, another young woman at the shop led us to her motorbike and the three of us hopped on so that she could take us to a different mechanic shop down the road. At this shop there was a little girl who used Google translate on her phone to communicate with us. With the help of the Internet she told us that the bike could not be fixed today and then her mother led us to her car. In America you are told at a very young age to never get in a car with strangers but living in Thailand for nine months has taught us that this was no malicious act, they were merely offering us a ride home. So, Olivia and I hopped into the car along with the mother, the daughter, and the little brother who looked to be about five years old. When we arrived back in our village they dropped us off in front of our school, which is about a three-minute walk from where we live. When Olivia and I got out of the car they also got out and seemed as if they wanted to walk us to our front door. With the help of Google translate, they asked us if our homes were too far and if we were afraid to walk. We thanked them for their great kindness in escorting us home and told them not to worry, we would be ok. We tried to offer the mother some money for driving us but she would not accept it. “No problem” she said in perfect English.

Other June highlights

- Being stopped on a run by a truck full of Thai men so they could give me an electrolyte drink.

- Being stopped on another run by one of my favorite students from last semester so she could give me a bag of fruit for free.

- Watching groups of girl scouts make beautiful flower arrangements out of corn stalks.

- Trying new food. Eating jackfruit- which I’ve had before- and learning that you can boil the seed that is found within every piece, and then eat the seed. I also tried a vegetable that comes from a lotus flower and a fruit called Rambutan. It looks like a character from Doctor Seuss. It’s very sweet. I like it except, like a lot of fruits in Thailand, there is a seed in the middle, and when you eat the “meat” around the seed, you end up eating some of the seed too because it has a somewhat flakey consistency and which I’m not crazy about.

- Making no bake banana cookies and giving them to students and Thai teachers.

- Students showing small signs of appreciation and affection for me like writing a heart on the board with my name next to it.

- Laughing with my youngest students. Although teaching them is a great challenge, they laugh a lot which makes me laugh. They laugh at themselves when they mispronounce a word in English and I laugh at them laughing at themselves. When I teach them a new English word they also teach me how to say it in Thai. So they also laugh at me because my pronunciation is so bad and then I laugh at them laughing at me. On the rare occasion that I do pronounce the word correctly in Thai they all clap for me and say, “very good teacher.”

- Having one of my seventh graders come up to me, holding her hand up to her heart as if miming a hug, and saying, “my American teacher is my friend” and then whipping out her selfie stick so we could take selfies together.

- Walking into class and hearing all of my students shout out together, “Ooh teacher is so beautiful today.”

- Having one of my seventh graders sing “Shape of you” to me after class.

- Having a previously silent student give me an example to write on the board. Realizing that maybe, just maybe, my students really are learning from me.

- Riding my bike home from the market at dusk. Everything soaked in the golden hour. I look at my surroundings and I feel as if I’m living in a postcard. The pastel colored sky, the empty dirt roads, the warm breeze. The deep purple mountains are shadows against emerald green rice paddies flooded with rainwater. Water buffalo eat the grass beneath their feet while black birds perch on their backs.

- Hearing a Thai teacher say that he put “darling” in his tea. He heard “darling” and “honey” used interchangeably and so he thought this was a typical English statement.

- Realizing the importance of finding time to stand still, take a deep breath, look around, and say to myself, “I am here.”

- Meeting a university student on the songthaew on the way to Nakhon Phanom. We exchanged Facebook names and she asked me if I could teach her English. She spoke very little English so we communicated mostly through Google translate and showed pictures to each other of our family and our pets that we had on our phone. Before she got off she told me that she had never had a foreign friend before. She told me not to forget her. I told her I wouldn’t and I don’t think I ever will.

June Lowlights:

- Riding my bike and getting chased by dogs.

- Feeling impatient, restless, lonely and bored.

- Hopping over huge puddles every day on my way to school and almost slipping in the mud.

- Being woken up at 4 am by the unidentified animal living in my roof

- Watching two of my seventh grade students chase each other around the classroom in the middle of my lesson. Trying to give them a “time out” by putting two chairs outside of the room and telling them to sit down only to have them laugh and say “no teacher” and run back into the classroom. 

One reason I came to Thailand was for the adventure. The six weeks I spent traveling during summer vacation was an adventure every day inside this larger adventure of living and teaching in Thailand. In general I think my social media usage, including this blog, gives a somewhat distorted perspective of how I live here in Thailand. I write a lot about the highlights because I think it’s what other people are most interested in reading but besides this overarching sense of “adventure” and besides all of the “exotic” photographs of my travels on Facebook and Instagram, my life here is also very “normal.” I’m sitting in my office and the school bell just rang. I’m drinking coconut water which I didn’t use to like but now I do. Mango season just ended and it is the beginning of monsoon season. My bike has a flat tire and I have to get change so I can do my laundry. The sun is seeping through the turquois curtains in our office and I smell garlic from the chicken cooking in the teacher’s kitchen next door. The T.V in our office is on. The news is playing but I can’t understand it because they’re speaking in Thai. This is my life.

So this is my life for the next seven weeks and for these next seven weeks I want to hold on to the beauty and tranquility of my surroundings. I want to hold on to the stillness. I want to hold on to the comfort I can sometimes find in the quiet.

[dankaroo-writes]

something along the way

Someone’s trying to destroy Supergirl and the Super name, too. In a freak accident, all of the Superfriends have switched bodies with each other — except Kara. Now they have to get the bad guy (and switch back) before he strikes again.

ao3

chapter 1/3

Kara Danvers loves a good sunrise. She’s well aware that sunsets are supposed to be more romantic or more beautiful or whatever, but there’s something about how the light creeps up the treetops and over buildings, up the toes of her boots and over her face, warming every inch of her— she can’t get enough of it. It has little to do with getting her powers from the sun, although she does appreciate the sentiment that’s she’s literally soaking in the strength of it as it rises. If she’s honest, it’s more about the serenity and quietness of dawn. She loves the silence right before the birds start chirping, the street lamps extinguish themselves, car horns blare, the airwaves clog with radio signals and pop hits singles of the week.

It’s the colors that she likes best of all, though. The soft pinks and oranges and yellows and blues remind her of the home she lost. Even though they have nothing on a Kryptonian moonrise, they’re as close as she can get these days. As close as she’ll ever get, probably. Kara doesn’t make a habit of getting up early enough to watch the sun wake up the whole city, but she’ll keep herself awake an extra half an hour to see it on the days she spends the early morning hours patrolling National City. It’s special enough to her to warrant the extra morning grumpiness that she — um, everyone else — will face later for that fleeting moment of peace. Those are the days she can fool herself into thinking that everything will be okay somehow, and that her life is pretty good. Not that she doesn’t like her life! She has wonderful friends and a loving family. And being a reporter makes — made — her feel like she is — ugh, was — contributing to something important. Like she’s making a difference, superhero or not. Sure, Supergirl could knock bad guys three city blocks away with a single punch and hold up a building until everyone can escape, but Kara wants to help too and now that she doesn’t have a way, she feels lost. Cliché? Yes. True? Double yes. She feels lost but not quite as lost as when she first came to Earth, of course. Nothing will ever compare with the loneliness of being the sole survivor of an entire culture. Maybe she’s having a quarter-life crisis or something. She hasn’t had one yet, not counting the whole coming out as Supergirl stuff. So what if she was born 50 years ago? She’s technically only 26, she’s as much a millennial as Winn and James and Alex. They all had one. Alex had, like, three. So maybe that’s what it is. She’ll have to ask Alex for her opinion later. The whole funemployment thing stopped being fun when it meant she had extra time to think about all this crap, genius-alien-brain-that-should-know-better-than-to-be-all-existential be damned. She heaves a sigh and is ready to turn in for the night. If she gets home now, she’ll have… forty-five minutes of sleep before she’s due at the DEO. Great. She decides that it’s a sunrise morning. She’s sitting on the roof of her apartment watching the rays peek over the CatCo building and then L-Corp, and then— The unmistakable sound of metal crushing against cement has her pushing off into the sky, full speed towards what can only be a car accident. She arrives to see the front end of a silver Lexus flattened against the side of an overpass. Without a moment’s hesitation, the hero rips off the roof of the car to free any people inside but instead finds a small gray device with a flashing red light. The device begins to blink more rapidly, and, oh shit, it’s a bomb. She scans the area for potential casualties and finds none, grabs the device, and launches herself and it into the sky. When she’s above any possible flight path or where any kind of living thing might be dwelling, Kara throws it further still as the light turns solid and the device explodes. Everything is quiet. The city is safe. Again. For now.

---

“Supergirl! Check out this thing I did! It literally downloads—” Winn is flanking Kara with some sort of metal USB drive as she beelines to the center of the room, but she dismisses him with a quick Sorry, later! and a grimace. He heads back to his desk, grumbling and fiddling with the memory stick for a while before busying himself with security updates to the network. “Something weird happened this morning,” Kara walks up to J’onn, arms folded across her chest. “I heard,” J’onn says, “But I thought NCPD had it handled. Nothing extra-normal, alien or otherwise.” Kara inhales deeply and explains, “It just didn’t feel right. It was early morning. No one was out, no one was around. Why plant a bomb if there weren’t going to be any casualties? I’m glad no one was hurt, but…” “It doesn’t make sense.” J’onn says. “You think it was a decoy.” “Yeah, but, for what?” “Whoever is behind this is trying to lure you out.” “You read my mind,” Kara jokes, and the faint pull at the corner of J’onn’s mouth is the only indication that he appreciates her jab at the limitations of his Martian abilities. “Okay, so you’re being targeted. That makes this DEO territory.” Kara sighs as J’onn takes his leave to make some phone calls to the National City Police Department. “I’m gonna go get some food before something else blows up,” she announces to no one in particular, arms crossed. “Mind if I tag along?” Oh, Winn. She’d been sidetracked and completely forgot. It’s been a while since the two of them hung out one-on-one, since she and Mon-El started doing… whatever it is that they’re doing. On and off relationships are so not her thing, and she’s so stressed, and gosh, she misses her friend. She breaks into a grin. “Let me change real quick.” He drives them into the city, and Kara’s grateful for the sense of normalcy of not flying. Winn parks in front of Noonan’s. “Thought we’d go back to our roots,” he beams. “Also I’ve been dying for those almond bearclaws.” Kara laughs and agrees, “Yeah, I could eat probably ten and not get sick of them.” They chat idly in a booth, sipping their coffees and picking at the dozen pastries they bought to share. They reminisce for a while about working at CatCo together and how they met, and Kara laughs at the appropriate times but her smile doesn’t fully reach her eyes. Winn leans over the table and rests a hand on Kara’s arm. She looks him in the eye, a little surprised by the physical contact, and he asks, “Hey, Kara, are you doing okay?” She adjusts her glasses and looks at her lap. “Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Winn looks at her with a sheepish smile, and treads carefully. “It’s just, you seem to be, wound up? I guess. I don’t know if that’s the right word. James and I were talking—” “Look, I know you guys do the whole vigilante thing together but talking behind my back—” the whispering makes it sound harsher than she means it, and she feels a little bad, but then Winn cuts her off. “Kara, come on. No, listen. We’re just worried about you. Ever since you stopped, y’know, having a routine that includes stuff other than saving people all the time, you’ve been a little… touchy. We were just thinking that maybe it’s time for a friend night?” He punctuates the proposition with what Kara affectionately coined his Winning smile back when they first started to become friends. (She’d laughed at her own joke for about five minutes, and Winn knew he’d found a true friend in that moment.) Kara inhales deeply and rubs her temples. “I’m sorry, I’m— you’re right. I am a little moody right now.” She fiddles with her hands and looks up at her friend. “I’d love that. Friend night.” They share a smile, and she continues with a wince, “Is it really that noticeable?” “Oh, yeah. You’re like, eat-a-Snickers levels of grumpy. I’m the only one with enough guts to say anything, though.” Kara clutches her chest in fake agony and bows her head in mock shame. “You’ve all been conspiring against me!” Winn’s glad to have gotten a positive reaction out of her. “Only because we love you! How’s tomorrow work?” “Yeah, that’s great.” But she sits on that for a second, and then remembers, “Oh, wait, I have plans with Lena, actually. Maybe Saturday?” He thinks for a minute, and then surprises himself. “Or,” he suggests, “you could just invite her like a normal person? Because she’s your friend? And this is your friend night?” Kara bites her lip in hesitation. “But she doesn’t know…” Winn gives her a look, eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline and half a smirk, that makes her want to draw her knees to her chest and curl up into a little ball. She knows she’s being silly, but the prospect of Lena knowing that she’s Supergirl has her stomach in knots. It’s her big life secret, that she’s an alien and a superhero. She and Lena are close, but are they there yet? Once they acknowledge it out loud, it’s kind of a best-friend-for-life deal. It’s a big step. A milestone, even. “Kara. The woman built a black body field generator, hatched a foolproof plan against her own mother to render a virus inert and save all the aliens in the city, runs a multibillion dollar corporation at the ripe old age of twentysomething, and has spent more than ten minutes with you. She knows.” “But!” Kara’s nerves have her reaching for any kind of proof that maybe Lena doesn’t know, but she comes up with exactly nothing. “She knows. Don’t insult her intelligence, I’ll tell her you think she’s not as smart as you,” he teases. He wouldn’t really, for reasons including he’s kind of afraid of Lena, but it’s fun to see Kara get flustered. She opens her mouth and gestures wildly with an index finger to defend herself, but only stammers out some vowels before she gives in, shoulders dropping in defeat. “I’ll text her.” She taps out a message and clarifies, “For the record, I don’t think I’m smarter than her. Or anyone else.” It’s not a fair comparison anyway, Kara thinks. Math and science classes are way more advanced on Krypton, and if Lena or Winn had the chance to learn there they probably would’ve done as well as she had. For sure. “Mhm.” Winn plays at being unconvinced, just to see Kara flounder a little. He misses this. She looks up to refute him and realizes he’s kidding. She sits back and crosses her arms, and then lets out a few short laughs before shaking her head and looking down at her phone. “If she doesn’t want to come, we’ll do Saturday, okay?” “She’ll want to come.” “But, I—” “You can’t keep her to yourself forever,” Winn says. She feels a little guilty about that, now that he mentions it. She wants Lena to be a bigger part of her life, she’s just worried because her friends didn’t exactly trust the Luthor at first, and that makes things weird. And Lena’s great, and Kara knows everyone will like her once they get a chance to really meet her, but it’s always hard to be the new person in a group and throwing her into the fire like this may not be the best way. For Lena’s sake, of course. Not because Kara’s afraid of taking that next step. Which she’s not. So Winn’s right. It’ll be totally fine. Just a normal old friend night. A night of friends. Of which Lena is one. “She’s a busy person, she probably won’t answer until tonight,” Kara says a little haughtily, “so I’ll let you know.” Her phone dings with a notification. Winn chuckles to himself, and Kara blushes a little. “She wants to come.” He whoops in excitement, mostly at being right, and they finish their lunch before heading back to the DEO.

---

It’s not awkward. Okay, it was at the beginning, but now they’re collectively three bottles of wine into friend night and things are great. Mon-El has been pawing at her hand for the better part of an hour, which has been kind of annoying, but other than that he’s behaving. Sort of. He’s also been pouting because she’s been paying more attention to Lena than him, but it’s only because Lena’s the newest and Kara’s her only connection to the whole group. It’s more important for her to be a good friend to Lena than a good girlfriend to Mon-El right now. She knows she’ll hear an earful about it later, but whatever. She’s having fun. And so is Lena. And everyone else, too. They’re playing a round of charades, with Kara acting and Mon-El and Lena trying to guess. James, Winn, Alex, and Maggie are sitting on the couch watching the hilarity about to ensue.

Kara holds up two fingers, prompting her team. “Two words,” Lena starts, and Kara makes a circular hand motion with both hands. “About…” Kara points to herself, “Supergirl.” Lena’s eyes are twinkling, and, yeah, it’s confirmed. Kara bites her lip and shakes her head no. “Kara, hero, hot girl, glasses?” Mon-El tries. Kara’s eyes widen and she shakes her head vigorously. She tries again and points between herself and Mon-El a few times. “Couple, dating, in love?” She rolls her eyes, and ugh, no, he’s not getting it, but when Lena blurts “Aliens!” Kara jumps up and down and claps, smiling. The other team is in stitches, and Kara’s pretty sure Alex is in tears. She holds up one finger. “First word,” Mon-El says. She starts to flap both of her arms up and down. A high pitched tone rips into her eardrums and she gasps in pain and doubles over, covering her ears. “Loud, sick, headache?” When she doesn’t respond: “Are you okay?” “Kara what’s the matter?” She’s not sure who’s asking what, but the tone stops and she drops her hands. “Sorry guys, there was this… never mind. It’s gone now.” She takes a breath and nods to show she’s okay, and starts flapping her arms again. Alex watches her carefully, and both Lena and Mon-El guess flying, and she’s ready to try for the second word when the tone starts up again. This time it’s reverberating in her skull and it’s persistent. She winces as she hones in on the source of the noise, and follows it to the windowsill. She picks up a small rectangular black box, and it juts out a lancet and pricks her hand. Well, tries to. The beeping stops when the lancet breaks off. Alex is off the couch in a second and steps towards her sister, holding up a cautious hand. “Kara, what’s —“ Something, no, someone smashes through the window. The intruder raises a massive blue fist and swings it at Kara, who ducks just in time and manages to get a hit in at his stomach on the way down. “Everyone, get back!” They’re matching blow for blow, so Kara throws her glasses aside and squints her eyes to zap his shoulder with her heat vision. The creature roars and grabs for her, misses, and stumbles. Kara takes advantage of his weak positioning to get a hand around his throat, and another around one wrist. She shoves him backward and has him pinned to the wall, next to the window he busted through. “You ruined friend night!” She’s mad, rightfully so, and headbutts the beast in his nose. One of his noses. Whatever. His face. He bares his teeth, but then his mouth twists into what can only be interpreted as a vicious smile. His confidence shakes her and she stares into his pitch black, beady eyes as she tightens her grip on him. With his free hand, he holds up a device identical to the one that Kara had found in her apartment and presses the small button on the underside. There’s a moment where Kara is afraid something terrible is going to happen, but then the brute’s face begins to fall, and oh, something is not right. All of the sound seems to get sucked out of the room, and then the device in his hand explodes. Kara is thrown across the room and lands in front of Lena and Winn, who are crouched behind the couch. The monster catches a glimpse of Lena as she’s pulling Kara behind it, and stumbles as he starts towards her. Kara looks up at him, confused by his hesitation at the sight of a human when he very clearly came prepared to attack a Kryptonian, and tries to stand up. She won’t let him hurt her friends. He takes one more look around the room, snarls, and then jumps out of the destroyed apartment wall to the street below. By the time the group has rushed over, he’s long gone. “Are you guys okay?” Kara’s facing her friends now, and they all look uneasy. Something’s definitely not right. There’s a few mumbled yeahs, and no one has a scratch on them. Thank Rao for small favors.

Kara turns around to inspect the damage to her house. The window is gone and the blast has taken a good chunk of the surrounding wall with it. A few pieces of drywall crumble and fall to the ground. She sighs. James walks up beside her and places a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay Kara, you can stay with me until this gets fixed.” Kara’s flattered, and her and James are good friends, but yeah, no. There’s hardly any awkwardness left from their break-up, and they made up after their fight about James being Guardian, but it would still be… weird, is what Kara settles on. She lets him down easy. “Thanks, James, but I think I’ll just crash with Alex.” She turns and offers him a reassuring smile, and then looks at Alex. Alex knits her brows and turns to look behind her, where no one is standing. “I’m not James,” James says, and then holds his hands up to look at them. “Wait, I’m James? No, I’m not!” “Did you hit your head? Should we go to the hospital?” Kara’s concerned, and reaches up to the man’s face to check for any missed injuries. “I’m James,” says Maggie, raising her hand. There’s a pause as everyone looks around the group. “I’m Maggie,” says Alex. “Wait, wait, wait. Everyone hold on.” Kara’s holding her hands out in front of her, trying to get her bearings. “I think I hit my head.” “Maybe, but, uh, I think something else has gone Super wrong,” and it’s Lena’s voice, but only Winn would talk like that. And make a joke at a time like this. “So if Maggie is Alex, and James is Maggie, who are you?” Kara turns back to ‘James.’ He huffs, “I’m your boyfriend, Kara.” Oh, great. So now her boyfriend is her ex, on top of this all. Perfect.

Kara looks between the two remaining people. Winn pipes up, "Alex." “Right. So if Lena’s Winn, and Winn's Alex, then you’re—” She faces the body of her boyfriend “—Lena.” Lena looks like she’s about to pass out. “I need to sit down,” Lena says. Kara closes her eyes and rubs them with the heels of her hands. “Okay, this is happening.” She takes a deep breath and picks up the device that has fallen to the ground.

“We need to call J’onn.”

[donaldresslerfanfic]

Camping Trip.

Rating: M

Warnings: Strong Language (little bit)

Word Count: 2207

Donald Ressler X OC Maggie Waters.

Chapter: Eight.

Chapter Index

Story on Wattpad

Maggie

Maybe pulling an all-nighter last night wasn’t such a good idea. I went to bed at 3 and was up today at 6 to prepare everything for out weekend in the Anglokian park in Maryland. Weather was going to be good this weekend and with luck we would arrive at 8 there.

I had prepared a change of clothes, my fishing equipment some snacks, we has divided the chores between the 7 of us.

Don was coming, I don’t know when was the last time I was so eager to see a boy, we hadn’t talked much this week, he had to work with Raymond. I had to tell him about last week.

That aside, I missed him. He was this really closed off don’t talk about my family special agent, but sometimes I worried sick about him, that split second when I thought that one day I may never see him again always left me nauseous. But whatever, might as well enjoy my time with him these next to days, maybe he’ll open up to me a bit more.

My phone rang and I took my things while answering it

“Hello?”

“I’m outside, need help carrying anything?” Don asked me.

“Nope, I’ll be right down”

I hung up and took my things, making sure I took everything I needed then closed the door of my apartment.

I dashed downstairs and outside to find Don looking through his trunk, I left my thing in the side of the car for him to arrange

“How are you?” I asked, giddy to see him, he looked at me and gave me a smile while taking my bag

“I’m fine, are you a morning person?”

My eyes settled on the fading purple spot on his temple, accompanied with little cuts, I frowned and moved to look at him properly.

“The hell happened to you?” I asked concerned. He frowned back and shut the trunk facing me

“What?”

“Your…” I motioned at his head “are you OK?”

“Yeah, it’s not as bad as it looks.”

“But what happened?”

“I fought three Chinese killers on the tenth floor of a building under construction” he said, like it was the most normal thing in the world “shall we? I’m not a morning person until my second coffee”

I nodded, still shaken up, but followed him to the car, I sat shotgun, looking at him as he set himself to drive. He looked at me and smiled at my confused expression.

“I’m fine Maggie”

“People are gonna ask questions about it”

“Don’t you think it makes me look tough?” He said playfully as he drove down the street, I let out a smile while letting my shoulders down. “So, while I was single handedly taking down three martial arts experts, what did you do?”

“I bought a ficus.” He laughed, making me smile “and I began personal defense clases, two times a week”

“Any special motive for that?”

“Raymond knows”

His expression changed while he gave me a look, setting his eyes in the road again

“What did he say, exactly?”

“He said that he doesn’t want to hurt me, that he works for you for a good reason and that he trusts I won’t tell you anything that could endanger his…. Contingency plans. So, I’m a cross road now”

“How come?”

“I want to help, but if I help you Reddington kills me?”

“I trust your judgment, Maggie. I know that you’ll tell us the right thing at the right time”

I nodded, looking at the road as we parked near a coffee shop, I was the first to open the door and head out before Don, seeing that it was my turn to pay for the coffee.

Gina and I had settled in meeting with everyone at her house and then drive together to the park.

At Gina’s house, we met with Marcus’ friends for work, Matt and Damon, I loved that already. Gina’s friend was an old friend from college named Laura who the second she set her eyes on Donald couldn’t conceal a little smirk.

Too bad honey, you’re stuck with the nerds on this car ride.

“Well, now I can take ‘Hang out with Matt Damon’ out of my bucket list”

I chuckled, looking at Don, who just gave me a polite smile. We settled back in the car after some fast breakfast at Gina’s, then we began driving, following her car.

“You don’t know who I’m talking about do you. Matt Damon?” He just shrugged his shoulders at me “Matt Damon?” I asked again, stressing out the name “how can you not know who Matt Damon is? You’re a man”

“Unless he’s a convicted felon I don’t hold other kind of names”

“Jason Bourne? Bourne identity? It’s the best movir about CIA undercover operations, they try to take down Bourne. It’s three movies and counting.”

“And why are you watching these movies?”

“Matt Damon is hot”

I saw him roll his eyes and shake his head at me with a little smile. I turned to look at the city disappear behind us.

The car ride was silent, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, I liked to watch through the window if I wasn’t driving, and Donald probably used this time to think, the radio was on, broadcasting the hits of the summer though it was the exact opposite, we were nearing down on winter.

“Do you like winter?” I asked, still looking outside.

“Too much clothes, makes the job uncomfortable sometimes”

“I bet you have a large mid thigh black coat”

“I do have one” he said frowning  “how do you know this?”

“I just picture you with it, it would be cozy but flexible for you to work, chase bad guys and the likes”

He smirked and gave me a quick look.

“And you?”

“I don’t have a trench coat” I said shaking my hand in denial “I love winter. Snow days, cozy up in bed, watching snow pour, hot cup of coffee”

“Matt Damon” I chuckled and looked at him

“Specially Matt Damon to keep me warm” I winked at him when I he gave me a look. “But I like blondes better”

“Keep the lineage up?”

I looked at my blonde hair sprawled on my chest.

“Maybe. I dyed it brown once”

“Mmm. I bet it lighted up your eyes”

I smiled and looked away, trying to hide my blush from him, that only meant he had been looking at me with detention.

“When I was young my friends dyed my hair on my birthday when I was asleep”

I chuckled and shook my head.

“Your dad was mad right?”

“He was fuming” I laughed again.

“Do you have pictures of that?”

“I’ll have to dig in for some. Do you have pictures with brown hair?”

“Yeah, I have some on my phone”

“Well, I show you mine when I have it and you show me yours. I’ll decide if I like you better blonde or brunette”

Was Donald flirting? With me? I mean, yeah, if he wants to flirt I’ll flirt him back but… Me? I don’t think he noticed that to me that was a flirt, or he was really good at hiding it. What I wasn’t good at hiding was my stupid starstruck smile for the whole ride.

That compliment about my eyes and the hair thing had me giddy as fuck. It felt like it’s been forever since I’ve been told something cute.

Maybe it was the fact that I had seen Don as a friend for so many months now that this under cover flirting was really getting to me… Or maybe I was falling for Ressler.

Ressler

I think I can recall the last time I was in this position, was maybe the first year after I got in the agency, we used to have barbecues, or simply moments like this. A fire, some beer, friends, laughs, jokes.

Then, I became a field agent, and then I began searching for Red. I had no free days, no more barbecues and gatherings for months, and the ones that I did ended up going ended up with me talking back about work with the people who I was with.

This was a different scenario entirely. I was sitting in front of a fire, beer in hand, just looking at how the conversation flowed. It was something beautiful to have company who wasn’t on the same job I was.

I told everyone I was with law enforcement, which wasn’t a lie, but everyone believed I just took charges when people came to present them, and the punch in the side of my head was from the little times I got out to patrol.

I refused to address Matt before Damon, now that I knew about the little inside joke they had in the group. Damon and Matt’s work was analytics, things I really didn’t care about, but I knew that I had a new set of eyes when I needed a second opinion.

Laura, Gina’s friend, hadn’t stop giving me flirty looks and suggestive commentaries throughout the weekend. Gina and her husband Marcus were good people, married people who were looking to not get bored of each other.

Then there was Maggie, my confidant, my fishing buddy with whom I spent 5 hours talking while fishing this morning, the one who took me out of a uncomfortable situation or quietly whispered at me about pop culture references they were throwing around. The one who made me belong in a group of people with whom I had nothing in common, but we all had her in common somehow. She was the one who knew how I liked my coffee, the one we walked with me when I felt like going hiking, the one who got her hands dirty with work, setting up a fire, looking for wood, making a tent. She was simply the best person I could’ve asked for to share my off days with.

I forgot about work for two days, I was able to turn down my phone for those two days and not feel guilty that I was having a good time. If something happened it wouldn’t be on me, that’s what I got from that weekend, that it was OK to have some spare time.

And here we were again, just Maggie and I up since 7 am, having our last breakfast at the cabin. Everyone had gotten so wasted on the last day we weren’t expecting to come back until 6 pm. Maggie knew I had to sober up for work, and here she was, pouring me a coffee.

“What are you thinking about?”

She set the coffee in front of me, sitting down on my side as she pulled her bowl of cereal to her.

“That I don’t want to go back to the routine after this”

“Right? Chasing down criminals doesn’t sound as appealing now”

“It really doesn’t, no. We haven’t even seen Bourne Ultimatum”

“They find out who he actually is in that one” she pointed out. “Gina was talking about doing this once a month, if the weather is good with us. I’ll let you know if you’re interested in being a permanent member of the group”

“Sign me up”

“That will get you an immediate addition to the chat group and the moral obligation to participate in some embarrassing karaoke nights”

“I’ll take the hit” she gave me another smile and a little clap of her hands as she continued to eat her breakfast.

“I’ll record you and upload the video to YouTube”

“And I’ll have Aram block you account”

She gave me a little stank eye, to which I laughed at.

The road back and subsequent drop off of Maggie to her place was a bummer, going back to work tomorrow was going to be tough, and by the looks of the texts when I turned my phone again in the car, Reddington had a few cases for us. Some interesting ones at that.

Maggie entered her apartment and left her purse on the table, looking around the house as I left her bags on the kitchen counter.

“Everything OK?” I asked, since she was still suspiciously looking around.

“Yeah, it’s just that I had a neighbor come and look at the plants while I was away”

“Nothing is missing?”

“Apparently not, but I guess I’ll look and not find” she gave me a smile “thank you for helping me” she motioned at her things.

“Thank you for inviting me Mags, I had the best time I’ve had in a while” I was walking down to the door while she gave me a little smile.

“You deserve it”

I gave her another smile as I tucked my hands on my pockets.

“I think I’ll be busy for the next few days so, don’t worry if I don’t pick up”

She nodded and leaned on the door, her eyes drooping, she was tired

“I’ll see you one of this days” she gave me another nod as I moved to begin walking out. She waved me goodbye and I walked down the hall

Back to my car, back to the routine.

[ithoughtyouweredifferent]

Chapter 9 Dinner “Party”

Fact: Dry erase markers take off permanent markers as explained in the story.

Disclaimer: Y’all, I don’t have any idea what is going on in Lin’s mind for the future I made up so much BS for this it’s not even funny. But I think it’s a decent idea, not one that could actually become anything but something me, an amateur little writer thinks might be a cool story. Also, entrance from Lin best friend Chris because we all need best friends

Word Count: about 4,000

part 8

Table of Contents

Chapter 10 (link also at bottom)

Dinner. With Lin. You hadn’t seen him in so long, you didn’t know if you should pick up where you left off, be friends, thank him for getting you your dream job and go your separate ways, honestly all you could do was be thankful that there were going to be other people with you not just the two of you like it would have been if you could’ve gotten away for lunch earlier.

Unknown Number:

We are all meeting at a soup and sandwich place about three blocks from your office. It’s supposed to be good do you know it?

and there was an address at the bottom of it, you had hardly finished reading it when there was another

Unknown Number:

Sorry this is Lin, Probably should’ve told you that before

Well that’s reassuring, how he had gotten your number was a mystery but you went ahead and entered it as a contact you had barely tapped save when it buzzed again

Lin

I found this number on the museum website, I am texting the right person right? If not this is really awkward

you laughed at him and saved him some minor stress

Y/N

Yeah, Lin, it’s Y/N. That place has fantastic Broccoli soup. Who else is gonna be there with us?

Lin

Mostly people from the broadway world, a few people who got me there, old roomate, etc. Family was last week so there shouldn’t be any of them. Meet you there at 8?

Y/N

Sounds like a plan, can’t wait

And you couldn’t. You thought about Tanya’s warning, sure you weren’t exactly a “smiley face and sunshine” person when you had met her, but she had made it out to be as if you had been a sniveling little heartbroken lost child in a world of gray. But this was Lin, someone you hadn’t seen in years. The person who had helped you get this job that brought you as close to the “sunshine and smiley face” person as you had ever been in your life. It wasn’t like you were going out on a one-on-one date tonight, you were probably not even going to actually have more than two words with him tonight. What was the point of haveing a big reunion thing if you, the one who has been gone, won’t even really be able to see but five or so people?

You were not glancing constantly at the clock trying to decide when was the right time to leave. Most certainly not looking at your watch, Or your phone. Or the mantle clock. Or the clock on the kitchen wall. You hadn’t once looked at the clock in your bedroom. Your house was a clock free zone, yeah. No. More like you couldn’t stop checking the time. By the time 7:45 came around you were forcing yourself to walk at a normal New Yorker pace so you wouldn’t get there too early and frankly be attracting crazy attention to yourself by running down the sidewalk in a skirt.

You got to the corner the restaurant was on at almost precisely 8 but you had to be in the wrong place. You checked the address and the time that he had sent you and you were where you were supposed to be, but the place was almost empty. After a few seconds of thought, you went inside the restaurant to see if anyone looked familiar. You were about to make a fool of yourself craning your neck when a hostess appeared

“Hi, I was wondering if there was a large party here tonight? Ideally, he was smart enough to warn you ahead of time, maybe using the name-”

“Y/N!” Lin called waving at you and you smiled up at him,

“Never mind thank you,” you smiled at the woman and walked over to him and found yourself once again engulfed in a hug, “Where is everybody?” You asked, “I was expecting to get in two sentences with you tops because you would have so many,”

“Well, they canceled,” he said bouncing room foot to foot until he pulled a chair out for you,

“You’re kidding right?” you laughed as he sat down in front of you,

“Nope,” he popped the P, “It was so weird I thought this place was going to be packed and then poof everybody got sick or had other plans or an emergency come up, do I stink or something? You and Chris are the only two that didn’t have a sudden reason not to show and he should have been here at least ten minutes ago,” he stretched to see if his old friend had arrived but so far nobody but you, “Until he gets here, and kills you with questions, I wanna know, how’ve you been? It seemed like you were happier today than I think I’d ever seen you,”

“You have no idea, I love it. The people I work with are amazing. They understand me and we all think the same way and we all are just kind of missing something and a little lost and we’ve honestly made a family there. It’s insane and wonderful. And the items that go through our collection you would die if you had seen some of the documents and objects and relics and mementos that I’ve been able to see and touch. I’ve got a life here Lin. It’s amazing. The city is overwhelming at times, a little scary every now and again but I’ve been here for three years and I still keep falling more in love with it every day,” you raved on and on and he sat there his chin resting on his hand as he smiled at you as if he could listen to you talking all day. No, not you talking, listen to someone talking about this. You quickly corrected yourself. “Happy, for such a simple word it has so much meaning to it, so many layers of-”

“Hey miss Happy life rainbows and unicorns, who are you and what have you done to my Socrates?”

“Shut up,” you poked his arm, “I’m working on being less negative and avoiding people who try to bring me down, you’re bringing me down,”

“Oh did I mention I have confetti and glitter to go with your rainbows and unicorns?” he asked with an adorable grin on his face, and you knew you had a small smile on your face as well, at least one thing hadn’t changed–you always smiled with him around,

“Material symbols of happiness mean nothing to me,”

“There’s the Socrates I know and Love,” he grinned, “Gotta make sure there is some part of you that’s in there, I‘m not sure what I’d do if everything about you had changed,” you tried not to think about that too much, “I mean somehow in three years you got more beautiful, I don’t know how but you did, you’re enjoying your day to day life, you have people that you talk to that will listen to you like you deserve, I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep up,” friendly compliments. He is complimenting you, not flattering you. You do not want him to be doing anything other than complimenting you,

“I only got here because you wouldn’t mind your own business,”

“I swear I never said a word to them about you,” he raised his hands in defense, “You got the job because of you, just like you wanted just like I knew you would,” he dropped his hands and you gave him a small smile,

“Hey-oh,” Lin all but jumped out if his chair at Chris’s sudden entrance, “Chris Jackson,” he stuck out his hands and narrowed his eyes at you, “you’re Y/N, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am,” you tilted your head at Lin after you shook Chris’s hand, “Why would you assume that?” he chuckled,

“Chris knew everyone who was coming and you’re one of the only people I that he wouldn’t recognize, deductive reasoning skills,” Lin said quickly and Chris snorted sitting down beside his friend,

“And you might’ve been mentioned once or twice a while back,” Chris added much to Lins obvious chagrin

“Oh? In a good way, I hope?” You tried to laugh to cover up how incredibly unsure you what was going on and exactly how much you needed to get home and for what reason.

“How about that weather?” Lin suddenly piped up when neither of them answered, “I mean sunnier than London, colder than Florida was, but warmer than Greenland which is good I guess, I mean if it wasn’t that’d be not so good,” Lin  rambled bouncing in his seat, and you raised an eyebrow at him,

“You never did tell me where you’ve been since the toothpaste commercials, don’t get me wrong you were great but other than, ‘researching and writing’…” you questioned,

“I mean, I’m not done, nowhere near it. But I think that this one has some great potential. get this,” he leaned in over the table and you couldn’t help but do the same even though Chris reclined back in his chair clearly having already heard this, “So focusing on how intermingled everyone’s lives are, it has several main settings and of course, it stretches reality in some places but that’s a given,”

“Obviously,” you said sarcastically but he ignored you and kept going

“and there are going to be lots of dual roles from the ensemble and supporting leads I’ve spent ages working on wordplay so that it works for multiple roles at once, like how the opening number of Ham. did,” he clarified to make sure you were still with him, "mostly songs but two or three scenes that aren’t necessary to the flow and storyline for people who can only get the OBC soundtrack but some quote un quote ‘normal’ scenes. All of the main characters have completely different backgrounds-cultures, ethnicities, native language, religions, professions, family life, the whole nine yards. I’m taking stereotypes to the theatrical extreme for effect but I think it will still be realistic. But anyway, the characters are all so different there is no way they could possibly have anything to do with those people, being the other characters, but they keep crossing paths and they have common ties that on the surface seem impossible but it’s relatable to people because we all have these people in our lives that from a distance don’ belong. I’ve listened to so many stories and talked to so many people of all ages so I’ve got so many different ideas to pull from and there are always more, I think I have a few people in mind for some of the parts but there is so much to write still so,” he leaned back abruptly, “I’ve got a good solid plan for the whole thing and a fair portion written and a good amount well plotted, it’ll be neat seeing where it ends up,”he shrugged

“Well I’m calling dibs on tickets now,” you tried to sound serious but you couldn’t, “I want to see at least one of your masterpieces before I die,” and he raised his eyebrows,

“Deal,”

“Who am I in this one?” Chris asked, “Do I get to be the bad guy?”

“Since when do I have ‘bad guys’?” Chris just looked at him, “What makes you think you’re a part of this?”

“I distinctly remember you promising me on multiple occasions that I’ve got a job as long as you do,”

“He’s right,” you added and Cris high-fived you across the table,

“Yeah listen to your woman, If she can call dibs on tickets I’m calling dibs on the antagonist, no more of this friend showing you the right way mess,”

“You’d make a nice stagehand,” you cackled at his wounded expression, “watch it Socrates or I’ll force you to be a swing. A Super Swing at that, maybe just a lead,” he threatened and your laugh only got worse, he knew that you would die before you got on stage especially to star in the show

“I promise, you do not want me on your stage,” Chris nodded far too enthusiastically in agreement, “You’ve never even heard me sing,” you exclaimed at his reaction

“Neither has he and he’s giving you my spot!” He protested, “and you laughed at my expense,” it was insane how easy it was to talk to these two people one of which was an absolute stranger you were more than mildly star struck by and the other someone that you were very starstruck by and your friend and your ex that you hadn’t seen or heard from in years

“Whatever you say, are we planning on actually ordering food tonight or are we just taking up table space?” you asked

“I dunno, you said the soup here is good?”

“Broccoli soup is my favorite but I’ve had a mean roast beef sandwich and they’ve got an insane Shepard’s pie,” you suggested, both of the men looked over the menu, upon seeing you actually get serious about the food a waiter came over,

“What can I get you this evening?”

“Diet coke, and stuffed mushrooms for me,” Chris put his menu back on the end of the table,”

“I’ll have broccoli soup and Sprite thank you,” you smiled at him as he scribbled it down.

“I guess I’ll have a diet coke and Swedish meatballs thanks”

“I’ve never had that here,” you told him when the waiter walked away

“Neither have,” you gave him a no duh look, “You can try some of mine,” he offered and you could swear that your eyes popped out of your head, “on the condition I get to try this broccoli soup you speak so highly of,” you tried not to react other than nodding your head,

“Sure thing,” ignoring Chris’s guffaw

“Smooth,” you thought you heard him murmur to his friend, after that you didn’t know what to talk about,

“So you’ll never believe what Taylor did to a vase about 3,000-year-old yesterday,” you blurted, they wouldn’t care about this but you couldn’t stand the silence, Lin looked somewhat interested but Chris coughed,

“nerds,”

“Please tell me he didn’t break it,”

“Oh no worse,” Lin looked surprised

“What can you do to an ancient vase that is worse than breaking it?”

“He dropped it and a modern replica that is obviously a fake - as in it was probably made in a middle school art class out of red clay and the creator probably didn’t even realize what it looked like, and so, Taylor, dear Taylor broke this replica almost the same when he dropped it - but of course not exactly so it didn’t fit right at all but he thought that he did and he used a tube of Gorilla Glue, very messily, to glue the modern piece to where the original was missing a shard,

“No” he gasped,

“Oh yes, I mean, breaking it could have happened to anyone I suppose - although it shouldn’t at that got the whole place in serious trouble because it was 100% irreplaceable - but it was the method of repairing the problem that iced the cake,”

“What are you going to do?” He asked

“Wish I knew, we don’t want to break it further, but how else are we going to remove the gorilla glue from this incredibly fragile piece?”

“You know that that glue is activated by water right?” Chris asked, “Just lightly mist it or wipe it with a wet cloth,” He shrugged and you looked at him like his ears were on backward,

“water and gorilla glue?” you wondered

“Yeah,”

“I never knew,” Lin commented in amazement, “that explains so much, I have this old pair of flip flops that I have kazy glued the left shoe back together a hundred times and they’ll be fine until I wear them to the beach or something..I’d always thought it was something about the minerals and stuff in the salt water corroding them again or something,”

“For people so incredibly intelligent…you know that if you color over the permanent marker with a dry erase or washable and wipe the dry erase off the permanent marker will come off too, right?” he asked,

“Very funny Jackson,” Lin rolled his eyes,

“Seriously, hand me a sharpie,” he told Lin holding out his hand,

“Why would I have a sharpie on me?”

“Lin,”

“fine,” he turned to go through his coat pockets on the back of his chair while Chris pulled a compact mirror and looked to you,

“You have an expo or something?”

“Why would I-oh whatever,” you pulled three from your purse, “Green, blue, or black?” you laid them on the table and Chris took the green one and the sharpie Lin had retrieved. He signed his name on the mirror and gave it a few seconds to prove it was dry before he opened your expo and covered it completely mostly in a circular loop-de-loop pattern. He then took a napkin and wiped the mirror clean,

“woah,” you and Lin looked at the clean compact in fascination, “Just on mirrors or does it work on normal glass too?” You asked

“If it’s something you would normally be able to wipe dry erase markers off of then this works,” he promised

“Woah,” you repeated with Lin

“Nerds,” Chris scoffed right as the food arrived, As soon as the server had walked away with a promise to be back if you needed anything Lin jumped right in grabbing a spoon taking some of your soup,

“ha-ha-hot!’ Lin exclaimed waving his hands around his head and you couldn’t help but laugh,

“Glad it’s not cold,” you snickered, “that’s what you get for taking my food,” and you swiped one of his meatballs while he took large gulps of his drink “you didn’t even taste it did you?”

“no,” he said and he actually looked sad about it, “what if in two minutes I take another spoonful of it and you can have half of another meatball,”

“Why do I feel like a third wheel even though I’m the best friend who didn’t think anyone else but coworkers and crap was going to be here? Oh right, because you’re acting like you’re on a date and I’m the best friend that joined the party late,” Chris complained but snickered when both yours and Lins faces turned eight hues darker “What happened to all of the other people who you said were coming?”

You carefully took a spoonful of your soup as you waited for an answer other than the ‘everyone canceled’ excuse you had gotten earlier,

“I don’t know, I sent everyone pretty much the same invite and a couple wanted to know who was going to be here and when I told them they all canceled-except you and then their closest associates canceled and then down the chain it went,” he explained seeming genuinely confused and you felt sorry, all of his friends that he had been hoping to meet up with again had bailed on him probably because of some stupid issue between each other

“Yep. Definitely, the best friend third wheel that missed the memo,” Chris sighed, “These mushrooms are gross, why did you let me order them?” He accused staring at you,

“How was I supposed to know you wouldn’t like them?” you defended, “Lin if you want some soup to take it now, or it’ll be gone,” he shook his head, “Chris?” That felt awkward but it would be rude to just ignore him but you and lin had switched food around like an old married couple countless times so it was normal for you both buy you didn’t know Chris like you had known Lin and you were a little grateful when he declined,

“Nah, I’ll pass,” from there it was relative silence. Chris talked about a gig he had been looking at and was probably going to take, Lin talked about Germany for a bit but for the most part, it was quiet, you hated the quiet but you weren’t going to be the one to break it again. By the time you had all paid and were ready to leave it felt like you had a heavy tension suffocating you,

“How long are you going to be here?” You asked Lin as you all three walked out the door,

“A while I think, I think it’s time to stay in one piece and try to get it all on paper and to live a little, make amends with some friends it seems,” you nodded and were about to all three go your sperate ways when Chris grabbed your arm,

“I am not really sure what is going on between you two, but he is my best friend and he can be a bit flighty and scatterbrained and very very happy to see the best in people and ignore flaws. But you need to keep in mind it has been three years, no matter how often you would come up since then between me and him, he has a lot out there for him and he doesn’t deserve to be as tore up as he was when you two broke it off. You two had a nice thing for a few months, but it’s been three years and you can’t try and pull him backward. He’s a good man and he doesn’t need you or anyone to mess up his mind or his gentle heart, okay?” He wasn’t using a threatening tone but he was warning you and he was serious and worried for his friend and maybe a little uncomfortable,

“Don’t worry. I just like seeing him happy okay, I had a nice time tonight but the ceremony Thursday will probably be the last I see of him. I’m not going to hurt him, what kind of sick person do you think I am that would want to hurt him?”

“Just be careful,” Chris warned and then he hailed down his own cab leaving you to walk to your place. He was probably reading way more into it than there actually was. Sure you and Lin had been good together once, but that was a long time ago. He had much better people out there for him and while you knew you knew it was unlikely that you would ever find someone better for you that could make you as happy and lift your spirits like he did, there was someone else for you out there. Besides, it’s not like you still had feelings for him or that they could be so easily unearthed? Hopefully, but probably not. It’s hard not to fall for a guy like him and some impressions are going to last.

Chapter 10