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#and take care of yourselves <3
intrepidacious · 7 months
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Hi, can I ask why you don’t like serial likers? Sorry if you’ve already answered something like this
thank you for asking!!
as a fanfic writer on tumblr, what i want from this platform – and what it's built for, really – is a sense of community. to publicly indulge in common interests like certain characters or tropes, something we might not have the space for in real life; or at least not to the same extent. it's about sharing this love and creativity, talking about it, bouncing off each other. the lack of an algorithm on tumblr's classic dashboard allows you to cater this site to you, personally, and i think that's always been one of its strongest points.
imagine, now, that carefully curated dashboard sitting empty. that's what happens if we, as users, don't reblog things. serial liking is a private activity, and it doesn't tell the creator anything. i know people still use their likes as bookmarks, but a lot of the time, that is sadly where their interaction ends. and the net of interconnection that reblogs weave grows a little weaker again.
i don't expect every person who reads my fics to leave a comment. i know it can be difficult sometimes. but i've seen so many people leave writing behind entirely because sending a story that was written with heart and passion out into the void and getting nothing back over and over again is tiring. it makes me sad and it makes me frustrated.
tumblr's been a sinking ship for the past 10+ years, but the orchestra is still playing. as long as it does, i want to encourage using its advantages. you can't maintain a community if no one talks to each other. please reblog things you enjoy.
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nonbinary-niki-bog · 7 months
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niki u good hon? anything we can do to help u out a bit? you seem a bit stressed
i'm fine. i think. just have a bit on my plate right now, i guess. but everything's fine.
and thanks for the offer, you guys, but i think i will be able to deal with it though in a timely manner. just a bit overwhelmed with it, that's all.
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staryuee · 4 months
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HOW THEY REACT TO YOUR SILENT TREATMENT.
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꒰warnings꒱ not proofread … sigh
⠀꒲ ` synopsis . . . you and your partner are having a “cooling down period”, a time of détente, after a recent argument. how do they deal with the lack of love from you?
⠀꒲ ` characters . . . diluc, eula, wanderer, ayato, gorou, tartaglia, lyney, wriothesley, neuvillette, arlecchino
⠀꒲ ` notes . . . as a psychology student ☝️🤓 i can safely say that the silent treatment is usually frowned upon due to its connotations with emotional abuse, therefore i tried my best to make it apparent that this sort of silence is within the boundaries of the relationship ( ・᷄ὢ・᷅ ) please communicate with your loved ones if you feel a certain way :)
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you and your beloved recently had a pretty bad argument. out of respect for both of your feelings you both decided to have a period of détente to allow a gradual recovery of your emotions and logical reasonings.
there was no need to argue, and there was also no need to be hostile or petty; therefore your silent treatment wasn’t a way to maliciously gain control or make your lover come running back to you, it was a way for both of you to regain composure and come back to the topic when prepared.
that did unfortunately, lead to much less affectionate gestures from both of you. of course there was still the casual “i love you” every morning and night accompanied by a simple kiss, but it never went anything beyond that.
while your lover fully knew why this sort of peaceful coexistence was necessary, sometimes it’s sincerely difficult to not just reach out and kiss you breathless.
you’re so close yet so far, it’s unbearable.
R. DILUC — 迪卢克
master diluc has been rather restless lately.
constant muttering to himself, plucking the dried up skin that stuck out from his badly bitten lips, his gloved hands constantly scratching a non existent scratch; honestly, if the fellow residents of dawn winery didn’t know any better they’d think he was possessed and required an immediate exorcist.
adelinde refuses to see her precious baby sink his eyes into ruin purely because he’s out secretly patrolling once he wakes up in the middle of the night to clear his head. you’re always there with him throughout the night: but why does it still feel so empty regardless?
WHO APOLOGISES FIRST ?
diluc is no pushover or people pleaser; if you were guilty, then you’re guilty and he’ll wait all the time in the world till you eventually own up and apologise (please let that come sooner or later though otherwise he’ll give into ruin and sip alcohol for a breather). otherwise, if its his fault, or no ones and it was a mere misunderstanding, the silent treatment lasts for a day. not any longer not any less; he doesn’t allow it to.
he’s more than happy to wait forever for you but gods if he ever made a mistake that accidentally led you to elongating this supposed transient silence till the end of time, diluc would much rather swallow his pride and give his all to you. you’re worth more than pettiness, and he’ll prove that to you once you wake up and get greeted with all your favourite luxuries and a bright, relieved smile on his face.
EULA — 优菈
you’re beyond delusion if you think this woman won’t turn this into a healthy-ish competition of sorts.
you wish to avoid her for days on end? she’s already used to the world avoiding her mere gaze, she can withstand the somber feeling of having the one person who’s fully understood her as the complex person she is self-isolating from her for a little while.
never mind, no, she literally can’t. come back to her right now. we have problem right? lets talk about it, isn’t that what you taught her in the first place? what do you mean you need a break and want to clear your head for a while to not hurt her feelings? you think eula of all people cares about something like that?
she’d rather you spit at her than withstand another hour of this mindless nonsense.
WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?
she doesn’t apologise unless she sees whatever caused this perilous argument in the first place truly hurt you and you ended up in tears; otherwise whats the use in pointless words when you can easily hug it out and call it a day?
she lets you apologise under the guise of “if you don’t, my vengeance towards you will be greater than my foes”, but in reality? eula is hardly paying any attention to the words slipping past your lips. all she’s thinking about is how she’ll be able to shake off this uneasy tension that’s somehow been created between you two.
WANDERER — 流浪者
you can’t tell which one of you needed this little breather more, after all, you’d hope scara would allow himself to soften after distancing from you after a while, and scara hoped you’d see reason within your argument and eventually, as always, forgive him.
but forgiveness is a two way straight in the way most people subconsciously ignore; does he and could he ever forgive himself? that image of your teary eyed face, the harsh puffs of breath you heaved to prevent any more molten venom to burn his plastic skin, the slight clenching of your jaw, fuck it hurt.
he couldn’t admit it at the time, but right now after being forcefully peeled away from you for about week and forcing auntie nahida to listen to his venting rambles? he wished he just gave it all up and did something: anything at all. kissed you, hugged you, consoled you, swiped your tears away with his thumbs, fluttered his eyelashes on your cheek gently as he whispered an i love you.
yet all he could do right now was wait.
wait until you hopefully came back, he couldn’t face you. if you abandoned him he’d deal with it. the petals on the floor and the hushed whispers of “they love me, they love me not” are just hallucinations from his worried caregiver, he swears.
WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?
never would he stoop so low as to apologise.
verbally. that is. if he’s aware that he’s in the wrong (believe me that look on your face does wonders for trying to figure out whats on your mind) he’ll begrudgingly come up with some covert way of making it up to you. he doesn’t want to be stuck in this immortalised silence forever; believe me, he likes your talking more than he realises and this little test trial of abandonment was more than enough proof that your existence within his life is essential.
if you’re not there standing by his side, what even is the point in that fraudulent pacemaker of his? your laughter is in the same shape of his heartbeat; if you’re not here, he’s just back to being that dumb little puppet cuddled ashore in the slim darkness of the night.
K. AYATO — 神里绫人
bile builds up in ayato’s throat, eyes threatening to spill hazardous tears on his paperwork. he HATES being away from you. yes, you’ll be back comfortably in his arms with a kiss on your forehead soon…but time isn’t making that “soon” come any quicker and it’s killing him.
‘silence’ is only the act of not speaking, right? so he’s technically allowed to sneak in pastries onto your desk when you’ve gone to take a break — he’s also most certainly allowed to write down his frustrations about not being able to be overly affectionate with you and then pitifully sliding them under your door in hopes you’ll read them and maybe write one back.
WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?
he desperately tries to convince himself that if he works long enough, he’ll forget the hollowing feeling in his heart that’s left in the silhouette of you. he puts down his calligraphy pen with an exasperated sigh, rubbing his temples with rough motions as if to completely rid himself of any lingering thought of you.
that’ll never work, and ayato thinks you two have calmed down enough so therefore he trudged his way into your room, knocking of course, and sat down with you for a lengthy but beneficial conversation.
without a doubt, ayato will be the one to apologise first. whether it’s a conscious decision or not completely depends on how long he’s been away from you; at some point you just fall back into regular routine completely by accident.
GOROU — 五郎
he’s glad you’ve decided to take this sort of approach to your relationship instead of having a painful battle of the wits with him but right now, he’d withstand a thousand hours of scolding than the way his fellow soldiers worryingly clutter around their little general and ask about his well-being purely because those furry ears atop his bundle of bed hair decided to stay drooped down all week.
but he can’t help it! he’s utterly miserable! you didn’t even give him your complimentary “good morning, have fun at work, be safe” kiss before he left the door in the static quiet of your abode. to top this torture off? you haven’t pet him once, and while he’d normally revel in not being treated like an actual lap dog…you’re a huge exception in that rule!
unfortunately, it’s not like he can just outright demand attention from you merely because he’s feeling a bit down on his luck. you asked for peace, he’ll give it to you. he’s a war veteran but treats you like a flower thats sprouted on a ruined patch of sand.
ehem, but please come back to him soon. please?
WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?
whatever it takes to get your pretty hand to ruffle through his brunette locks he’ll do, he doesn’t care if the apology consists of him kneeling down on pitifully shaking his head near your thigh with his lips puckered into a pout. shame doesn’t exist within your relationship right? he’s more than willing to apologise first regardless of who was to blame.
if the argument was a little more serious however, he’ll sit down you on your couch that holds so many sweet significant memories within your mind, his head resting atop your collarbone and tail sneakily swishing from side to side now that your heartbeat was so clear to him. he’ll hear you out, talk through it, but more importantly, love and appreciate you.
TARTAGLIA — 公子
nuh uh. you think you’re getting silence with someone like him around? unless one or both of you fucked up really bad, tartaglia can’t see the point in silent ignorance; if you want to ignore him to personally calm down? sure, do whatever you want honey, you’re still getting treated like the other piece of his heart that you are.
if you’re genuinely annoyed he can leave you alone…for maybe two hours thirty minutes max. he loves you so much, talk to him, he doesn’t care if you insult him out of anger, lash out at him if you must. so long as you return into his arms so he can sway you around within his tender embrace and pepper your face with kisses, he’ll be more than happy and satisfied.
WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?
him all day — call it the big brother complex with having to always apologise first whenever he got into a slight squabble or disagreement with his siblings when he were younger, or call it pure unadulterated love for you and the refusal to continue with this pointless staring battles whenever you guys were sitting across from each other.
whatever it is, just know he takes your feelings seriously regardless of the teasing grin across his face when you try not to squirm from the way his hand traveled from across your waist to the slither of exposed stomach. he just wants to assure you that his love won’t ever fade even if it becomes so deliberately one sided. he’s yours, after all.
LYNEY — 林尼
he’s used to eerie silence that bellowed icy winds against his ears, used to the tension that forced out his fight or flight response, but currently all he could do was freeze and overthink. how come this silence seemed so much more deafening than usual?
lyney doesn’t want this worse than capital punishment torture to continue without at least the slightest bit of laughter mingled into both of your days; he tries his best to curve your lips to even the slightest twenty degree lift using whatever he could. silly little flower reappearing trick there, a sneaky kiss to the side of your neck here; just any fleeting desperate attempt for some reciprocation on your part.
WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?
lyney’s used to apologising first given his experiences within the house of hearth and the father herself. so imagine his surprise when you both incidentally stammer over one another as you two splutter apologies helplessly. god he’s so happy your relationship is built open gushes of giggles instead of the splats of tears because if it weren’t for that cute little accident? lyney was sure the second you opened your lovely lips to speak he would’ve teared up.
he missed that voice telling him constant i love yous, the affectionate cradling of his face against your neck and the way you wouldn’t hesitate to hold his flushed face within your cooling hands to comfort him after a particularly stress inducing performance.
WRIOTHESLEY — 莱欧斯利
you left the conversation with an “i love you.” so he knows that you’ll come back to him.
however, the last time he blindly trusted the comforting words of a loved one, it ended with blood on his hands and a lengthy sentence at the fortress of meropide. luckily for his heart and your own, he knows your charms and honeyed words aren’t for show and truly mean something.
wriothesley respects your boundaries and wishes to the t, he won’t speak to you like nothing at all happened but that doesn’t mean he won’t be overly cautious when it comes to your behavioural patterns. if he notices this sentence of silence is clearly taking its toll on you, he will, with no hesitation, talk everything out with you.
WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?
depending on the argument, he’ll apologise first. if it’s rather undeniable that you were the one in the wrong however, he’ll explain his feelings thoroughly until you apologise — the standard. he doesn’t want this silence to end till the fortress of meropide overflows with primordial water so once you see multiple guards on your case more than ever, just know he’d like to talk to you.
NEUVILLETTE — 那维莱特
fontaine has been drenched in rain for the past couple of days. every hour, every minute, every second neuvillette spends alone in his office makes him realise just how grand and solemn it is. everything is so mundane and banal…even the cheerful mutters and chatters of the sweet melusines couldn’t bring a smile to his face — much to the dismay of the little sigewinne who even so kindly brought him a cake to cheer him up…
what makes it even worse is that everything reminds him of you…and oh god the muddied clouds have once again been cursed with rain. this unquenchable thirst for your presence cannot be ignored by a mere sip from his intricate cup and being the ever so carefully mindful iudex, neuvillette sees it more than fit to call this hopeless game of silence to quits.
WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?
regardless of who’s in the wrong, neuvillette apologises first. he’s sorry for letting this go so far, he should’ve just trusted his gut and returned to your side even if it meant having to persuade you with his clever tongue or the coiling of his draconic tail around your leg to pull you sweetly closer.
honestly, if he could, he’d make this a punishment in the fortress of meropide for every couple. you committed a petty, technically non offensive crime? well instead of doing some charity work for the city, you’re not allowed by the side of your beloved for a few weeks.
ARLECCHINO — 阿蕾奇诺
a bunny within the jaws of a spring locked beast thinking it can persuade the tides in their favour with silence? arlecchino is amused you’d think such cheap tomfoolery would work to solve through your problems.
“darling, come here,” she taps her lap with her blood-stained nail, her eyes looking up at you greedily to soak up every single jitter of your movements as you alas fall onto your rightful throne, “my dumb bunny,” arlecchino coos at you with that devilishly low hum of her voice. “do you think the phrases ignorance is bliss, distance brings fondness, truly work within our relationship?”
arlecchino painfully grasps at your waist, that grip only loosening once you comfortably situate yourself on her thighs and lace your arms around her neck per routine. “i’d expect this behaviour from my children at the house of hearth, not you, angel.” she nibbles on your earlobe deliberately, forcing your lips to part just the way she likes. that perfect look of both surprise and desire; it’s a gorgeous display of your vulnerability.
“explain to me your problems, or else we can be at this forever.”
no such thing as the silent treatment when the very epitome of a wordless shadow has betrothed you.
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©STARYUEE do not copy, steal or repost ♡ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ɪʜᴇᴀʀᴛɢᴀɴʏᴜ
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braisedhoney · 9 months
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well wishes from the void
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solarisfortuneia · 5 months
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— 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐞𝐟.
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✦ info: kaeya returns home wearing his master thief costume. (takes place after the events of 'secret summer paradise' in version 3.8)
✦ warnings: not proofread.
✦ notes: where can i get myself a kaeya pls why isn't he here with me
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the clock strikes nine just as the knob to your front door turns, the little bird in the wooden device chirping out the counts at precise intervals. the creaks of the door are not loud, yet they still have you jolting awake from your impromptu after-shower nap. 
“sorry, did we wake you?” a very familiar voice whispers into the dark from near the hallway. kaeya’s back! you realize, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.
you shake your head, closing the book that lays open on your lap. “no, no. i just dozed off.” you laugh it off, smiling at your boyfriend and at klee, who’s dozing off comfortably in kaeya’s arms. she stirs when he moves a little too abruptly. 
“hey, it’s okay, you can go back to sleep.” he coos softly, patting her head. he sets her down on the couch, gently laying her head on a cushion.
“we had a little too much fun in sumeru,” he tells you after he’s made sure she’s sound asleep, pulling you close and wrapping his arms around your waist. “she’s all tired out. albedo’ll be here to take her home soon.”
“i can tell. i love her mage costume.” you squint at his indigo and peacock feather get up. “and you’re supposed to be a…?”
he huffs playfully, pouting. “you can’t tell? i’m a master thief, clearly.”
“the style suits you.” you tap at his lips and his mouth spreads into a grin underneath your fingers, lighting up his entire face. “though, you’re not you without the boob-window. or that fluffy monstrosity you call a cape. it’s characteristic, but unnecessary. ”
he gasps in mock offense. “how could you slander my cape that way? you call it an unnecessary fluffy monstrosity, yet you still steal it when you’re cold, do you not?”
you exhale forcefully through your nose despite your best efforts to keep a straight face. “touché. drama queen.” 
“besides, i was born for this role, you know,” he says, mischief glinting in his periwinkle eye. “after all, did i not manage to steal your heart?” 
you roll your eyes, undoing the peacock feather tie and tugging at the braid he has his hair in to free it. he gives you a fond look, shaking his head to assist once you’ve loosened it enough. azure cascades down his shoulders, a slight wave throughout. “so, master thief kaeya, wearer of feathers, stealer of hearts.” your expression mirrors the still-present grin on his face as you loop your arms around his neck, his hair a silky waterfall on your fingers. “what caper are you chasing next?” 
“since i already have the most precious of hearts in my hands, i believe i need to steal a few kisses to complete my collection, yes?” 
“but good sir, are you sure you’d be satisfied with just a few?”
“oh, haven’t you heard, darling?” you feel his mouth curl into a slow smile against your neck, his voice a caress against your skin.
 “i’m insatiable.”
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taglist: @number-one-love-lover
new taglist form (old one had issues): here.
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emo-trash101 · 6 months
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Hello dearie!
How's your day?
Yes,yes,I'm back already,I know!
It's just that I just love your writing,and you said that you'd let me ask whenever so,here I am!
You already know me,so let's just get to the ask!
May I have any Hazbin hotel character (only Hazbin,but any character you want to write for! Only preference is Alastor- If you could write multiple that'd be great,but that's up to you,honey!) with a Platonic!GN!Friend!Reader that gets talked a lot behind their back (maybe by fake friends or just random people),but they know about it,and when the characters ask about it,they just say "It doesn't matter" or something along those lines? Would they stop the people talking behind their backs? Would they get angry? That's up to you!
That's all for me! I hope you enjoy writing this as much as my last one!!
Stay proud, don't forget to take care of yourself!!
-Nina <33
OMG YIPPEE YOUR BACKK!!! You can always spend time in my requests, because I love writing them! But definitely, and I absolutely love this concept!
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Angel Dust, Alastor, and Lucifer x Bullied! Reader
!Platonic relationship!
Pronouns: Second person, gender neutral
Tw: Shitty friends, Alastor in general
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Angel Dust -
- This man gets it to absolutely no degree.
- Like he absolutely has had friends who were untrustworthy and just garbage human beings.
- That being said, this would likely become a conversation after you get him to hang out with your other group of friends. Y'all probably clubbing or going to a bar.
- After awhile you go to use the restroom which leaves him with your garbage other friends.
- Then they start talking to him, trying to get him to agree that you're annoying and whatever other bullshit they try to spout.
- Angel (being the loyal puppy he is) immediately starts to tear your friends a new one for being such asshats. He continues yelling at them until you get out of the bathroom.
- He immediately starts telling you what they said, still glaring at them aggressively. And he is hardcore shocked when you just respond with "It's fine"
- Cause like bitch, no it's not.
- He is definitely very appalled, and ends up dragging you out of there and giving you a slightly aggressive pep talk on your self worth and being worth more than shitty friends.
- in all, he tries to love and support you, but sometimes he's really sure you were dropped on your head as a baby.
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Alastor -
- I am being as honest as possible when I say this man most likely has no experience when it comes to this.
- Like he deals with annoying assholes by just plain killing them. There, problem solved.
- You probably brought your friends to the hotel to try and introduce them to everyone, and during this time they seemed sweet as peach cobbler. But Alastor definitely picked up on their hidden intentions.
- After you walk away (Charlie definitely dragged you away to help with something), he sneaks up on them and makes them his newest addition to his radio station. After all, he can't be having people hurting his little pet (I swear this man is a literal red flag, run.)
- When you return he doesn't even really mention it to you, he just tells you your friends "Went home early"
- Safe to say you never saw those friends again.
- In all, probably the most efficient when it came to his approach.
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Lucifer -
- As I mentioned in a previous post, Lucifer is definitely a people pleaser. He tries to constantly help people and make excuses for them.
- However, when he sees his loved ones (*cough* you *cough*) being used it's another situation entirely.
- He most likely meets your friends by accident, just walking through the streets of hell with you when you run into them (spending time without you).
- Y'all actually have a really good conversation before you realize you forgot something in the last store you were in and run to go grab it.
- After you leave one of your friends makes a really ill intended joke about you being forgetful, and lets just say that Lucifer did not take that kindly.
- He immediately yells at them for a good couple of minutes, and then leaves to go find you after deciding they were not worth anyone's time.
- He brings up their comments to you and after you just brush them off he doesn't get mad per-say, just really sad that it's happened so much it doesn't even affect you.
- In all, he tries to just keep you busy and away from them as much as possible, because at least you have someone who thinks you're amazing.
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This was really relatable while I was writing it, and I just wanted to say if any of y'all are being treated like this by anyone just cut them off. They are not worth your energy and time.
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dailyhogz · 6 months
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day 63. trans visibility day!!!
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theroseyhues · 6 months
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lil clay breakfast trio out of clay for the soul <3
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louroth · 1 year
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thought it's about time I poked my head out of the mire, and confirm that this period of silence just seems to be a part of my process. I can't wait to show you what I am working on. It has taken on a life of its own. It's beautiful and untamed like a wild horse. So much has and is changing. I love it to pieces. !!
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thegreenishhues · 7 months
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well good morning qsmpblr, I hope everyone is doing okay (as well as is possible)
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heres something a lil bit light-hearted just because
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nonbinary-niki-bog · 5 months
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Sillies! Sillies! Sillies!!!!!!! All for your amusement and/or enjoyment!!
:O
sillies :D. literally waking up to this is so nice <3.
also don't mind me. i'm just adding them to my collection, nothing much <3.
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ace-geographer · 1 year
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Not giving up on making as many of these as I can even if I procrastinate for months at a time <3
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Part 20/?
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artsyebonyrose · 1 year
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"it is so worth it, sticking out" are words i personally really needed to hear as of recently.
(mini personal chat under the readmore, vaguely going into depression/sui thoughts so pls don't read if you're not able to <3)
i felt that stream so deep in my bones. to keep it brief, the last three years i've been having Bad Thoughts pop up at various points to varying degrees, and this year i got it the worse it's ever been. i've finally come to the end of my three year uni course, and it's left me feeling this sick and awful dread that once it ends, so does my life. from january to march i was unable to work, just played nitw and felt like a husk, or crying. then i tried to pull myself out of it, and by early april i'd already fallen back in. its such an all consuming thing, and the Bad Thoughts have been daily. i've only just started poking my head back up mid may because i became obsessed with resident evil (lol) which has aided in distracting my mind.
what i'm trying to say is, what was discussed and said in today's stream resonated with me very deeply. and it's awful to see another person in a similar harrowing position. i don't know how to get better yet, but i'm going to try. and i hope you all are able to get better too. you deserve to!
and aimsey if you happen to read this, thank you for being here. thank you for staying. the world needs you in it.
nothing can take you down 💜
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trenchcrows · 3 months
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Reminder to everyone that it is ok to not brush your teeth for more than a day, whether it's a couple days, a week, a month, no matter if it's because you forgot or don't have the spoons or something like that, you aren't a failure, you aren't a horrible person or whatever others say.
But if you haven't cleaned em, please clean them as soon as you're able, if you can't brush them try mouth wash, or rubbing your teeth with toothpaste on your finger (you can also get toothbrushes for putting on your finger!), If you don't like the taste, try a flavoured one (doesn't matter if it's kids toothpaste or one of those fancy ones they have like a million types now, all you have to do is order it online or go to your local chemist, supermarket, ect.)
You could even give yourself smt cool to do when you do it idk, if that helps, go for it.
And you don't have to do it at a specific time either, if taking a toothbrush and toothpaste to school or work means you do it, do that!
It's not a moral failing to negate oral care (or any personal hygiene, for that matter), but you do need to take care of yourself and your teeth because there's far more effort and money you have to put in if you get a cavity or some other thing cause you haven't brushed the mouth stones, plus it hurts!
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ghosttotheparty · 2 years
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something like bones and glass
warnings: homophobia; religious homophobia; f slur (several times); brief mention of pedophilia; past child abuse and neglect; violence/fighting; blood; rough sex also on AO3
Steve’s parents come home. Without warning.
Usually they call a few days in advance, just to let Steve know, probably because they assume Steve has friends over, has parties that he has to clean up after, but it’s been a while since that happened. It’s still nice to know when they’ll be home, just so he can prepare himself. So he knows what day he can hole up in his room or escape to Robin’s or Nancy’s.
But he hears their car pull into the driveway as he’s kissing Eddie against the wall by his bed, as Steve is pushing his hands under Eddie’s shirt to press into his skin, as Eddie is pulling his hair, and they both pull away at the same time to blink at each other in confusion.
“Nancy?” Eddie questions, still gripping Steve’s hair, and Steve shrugs.
“She didn’t say she was coming over.” He pecks Eddie quickly before letting go and going to the window. Eddie leans against the wall, watching him smooth his shirt down before he freezes, his eyes widening. “Shit— It’s my parents.”
Eddie’s stomach drops.
“What?”
He crosses the room, joining Steve at the window to see Cathrine and Walter Harrington, pulling suitcases out their car, talking across the roof of it.
“Fuck,” Eddie says, stepping away from the window in case they look up. “Uhm. I can— I can hide up here.”
“Your van in the driveway,” Steve says. His voice is almost distant, and he’s still looking out the window, his face fallen.
“You can say you borrowed it from someone,” Eddie suggests desperately. “Or— Or I can say I’m doing maintenance work? I know about, like, electrical work, we can say your A/C wasn’t working, or—“
“Eddie.”
“Or I— I know about cars, I can say I was working on your car and you invited me in for— for water or something, and—“
“Eddie.”
“And I mentioned music so you’re showing me your tapes, or, like—“
“Eddie.”
Eddie shuts up, staring at Steve with wide eyes, his heart pounding. The front door opens. Steve takes a shaky breath, his gaze unwavering from Eddie’s as something clatters downstairs.
“It’s fine,” Steve says quietly, firmly. “It’s…”
“Steve,” Eddie says softly.
“It’s fine.” Steve shakes his head. They can hear his parents’ voices downstairs, muffled by walls and doors and distance. “We… We’re friends. Right?”
Eddie exhales and nods.
“Come meet my parents,” Steve says with a little eyebrow quirk, and Eddie scoffs. Steve’s smile is fake. Eddie can tell.
“They’re gonna hate me,” he says quietly.
“I don’t care,” Steve says, his voice sharper, and Eddie’s eyes linger on the way his jaw is set, the way it clenches as he looks at Eddie intently. “I don’t— I don’t care what they think. You’re mine.”
Eddie stares at him, his eyes flickering to Steve’s lips.
“Fuck. Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay. Following your lead,” he says softly, and Steve smiles weakly, tugging him in by a necklace for a lingering kiss.
“Hey,” Eddie says as Steve is moving toward the door, and Steve pauses, his hand on the doorknob. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Steve says earnestly.
Eddie follows Steve out the door, hesitating to rip off his battle jacket and throw it back into Steve’s room. He smooths his shirt down and rolls his eyes when he realises what he’s wearing (Judas Priest; there’s a hand holding a giant razor blade, and he wonders why he didn’t just wear a plain black shirt). The chains hanging from his ripped jeans rattle as he walks down the hall and down the stairs, and he tucks his necklaces under his shirt anxiously before he smooths his hair back. Steve pauses at the bottom of the stairs and looks up at him.
“What are you doing?” he asks quietly, glancing at his chest, at the absence of necklaces.
“Trying to look presentable,” Eddie whispers. Steve stares at him, smiling softly.
“You’re adorable.”
“Shut up.”
Cathrine and Walter’s voices get louder as they head into the living room, where they’re both standing with their suitcases. Eddie lingers by the door, pushing his hands into his pockets in tight fists.
“Hi,” Steve says like he’s asking. Eddie watches his shoulders tighten like he’s bracing himself.
Catherine’s hair barely moves even though she whips her head around to look at Steve. It’s tall and curly and fluffy looking but stiff with hairspray, and she’s wearing a grey pantsuit, her shoulders boxy, and her heels wobble on the carpet of the living room. Walter is also in a suit, his tie loosened, his hands in his pockets.
Eddie takes a deep breath, repressing the simmering anger in his chest as he looks at them, trying hard to keep a neutral, friendly expression.
Steve’s told him about them. About how they left him at home starting when he was nine, and how he was left with nannies and teenage babysitters before that. How they’d lose their shit if he spilled juice on the kitchen floor, if he stained or tore a shirt. How he raised his voice when he was eleven and saw the back of his father’s hand and then the floor, and the gold band around his finger haunted Steve’s dreams.
How his mother constantly, shamelessly, told him it was his fault she wasn’t young and beautiful anymore. That he was the reason his father wasn’t loving and caring, as though Steve ever has any say in his own existence.
“Whose van is in the driveway?” Walter asks sharply, sans greeting even though it’s been a few months since he’s seen Steve.
“Uhm.” Steve turns slightly toward Eddie, who steps further into the room, raising a hand and suddenly wishing his nails weren’t painted.
“That— That’s mine,” Eddie says lightly, putting on a smile.
Catherine’s eyes widen, and Walter stares, facing Eddie. The room is silent except the quiet ticking of the clock on the mantle.
“Steven,” Walter says in a careful, measured voice, his eyes trained on Eddie. “Why is there a killer in my living room?”
Eddie’s stomach drops further, his cheeks flaming, and he shoves his hand back in his pocket as Steve says sharply, “He’s not a killer.”
“Steven—“
“He’s not,” Steve snaps, and Eddie looks at him. “Those charges were proven wrong, and dropped, and Eddie’s one of my best friends.”
Eddie stares at Steve, at the firm set of his jaw like he’s just daring his father to argue.
The room is silent again, tense and awkward.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
“Walter,” Catherine says quietly, breaking the silence, placing a gentle hand on Walter’s shoulder as he and Steve stare each other down. “Let’s be polite to… Steven’s guest.”
Eddie blinks at her, trying ignore the pressure behind his eyes that always comes when he remembers that people actually believe that he’s a murderer. His hands are shaking.
“Your name is Eddie, right?” she says, sickly sweet and so kind it makes Eddie feel nauseous. It reminds him of the way kids in school used to feign interest in D&D, used to ask questions and prompt him to tell them excitedly about it just to make faces at their friends while he talked. Just to complain about how weird he is.
“Yes, ma’am,” Eddie says tightly.
“Would you like to stay for dinner, Eddie?” she says like she’s speaking to a child.
Eddie looks at Steve.
Who’s staring back, his gaze intense, his expression firm, and he nods slightly when Eddie silently asks him.
“Yes, ma’am,” he says again. “I’d like that. Thank you.”
She and Walter leave to take their luggage upstairs, and Steve tugs Eddie’s shirt, pulling him into a secluded corner in the living room, and their eyes lock. Steve looks like he wants to cry, and Eddie can hear the way his breath is trembling, and Steve’s lips are pursed to keep them from quivering.
“‘S okay,” Eddie says softly.
“I’m so sorry,” Steve says weakly, still clutching at Eddie’s shirt.
“No, stop,” Eddie tells him gently, moving closer. “It’s not your fault, Stevie.”
Steve inhales sharply, pressing his lips together.
“They are assholes,” Eddie says softly, reaching up to touch Steve’s cheek. “And that’s not your fault, you got it?”
Steve nods, swallowing.
“Yes.”
“Come here.”
He pulls Steve into a tight hug, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“You’re doing so good, baby,” he murmurs as Steve’s arms wrap around him tightly. “And after dinner we can say my van broke down and you can take me home.” He pulls away to look into Steve’s eyes. “And you can stick with Wayne and me for a while. How’s that sound?”
Steve nods, his mouth twisting, and Eddie’s heart aches because Steve is trying not to cry.
“I love you so much,” Eddie whispers. “‘S gonna be okay.”
“I hate them so much, Eddie,” Steve says. His voice wavers.
“I know, baby.” Eddie kisses him. “I know. But after this we’ll go home. And we can get high if you want.”
“Will you fuck me?” Steve asks in a small voice.
“Absolutely.”
“Cool.” He exhales and pulls Eddie into a kiss. “Love you.”
“Love you too, sweetheart.” Eddie kisses him again, pulling back when a door shuts upstairs, but Steve tugs him close, kissing him chastely before he carefully pulls Eddie’s necklaces out of his shirt.
“Don’t hide.”
Eddie melts a little bit.
Eddie fidgets with his necklaces while Catherine scours the fridge and freezer for a dinner to her liking, complaining about how unhealthy pizzas are and just sighing when Steve points out that he babysits children. She settles on a lasagna that she finds buried in the freezer and some lettuce. Without dressing. (Eddie thought rich people were supposed to eat better.)
Steve sits next to him at the dinner table. Eddie’s never seen plates on this table. It’s usually filled with cards or dice or maps and drawings and crayons. Steve stares sullenly at his plate, poking at his food with his fork as Eddie chats with his mom as best he can. He can still hear the ticking from the clock in the living room as they talk.
He tells her that he met Steve through Dustin, that he knew Steve at school because everyone loved him, and then he found out everyone loves him even outside of school. That the kids he babysits practically worship him. He catches Steve fighting a smile as he speaks.
The conversation dies down after a while. Under the table, Steve sets a hand on Eddie’s thigh and squeezes tightly. He’s shaking.
Eddie subtly reaches under the table and squeezes his hand, rubbing the back of it gently.
“Mr Harrington,” he says politely when they let go of each other. “Steve said you had work in, uhm, was it San Francisco?”
“That’s right,” Walter says dryly.
“I’ve never been,” Eddie says, trying desperately to keep his voice light. “How is it?”
Walter sighs, taking a bite.
“Not as nice as it used to be.”
“Oh,” Eddie says, taking the opportunity for a real conversation. “Why’s that?”
“Not as clean,” he says. Eddie hates his voice. So pompous and dry like the world bores him. “Posters and banners everywhere, all these fags walks around the streets holding hands. Disgusting.”
Eddie’s blood runs cold. In his peripheral vision he sees Steve tighten.
“Oh.” He twists his fork, seeing Steve’s hand grip the table cloth tightly. “Sounds real different from Hawkins.”
“Sure is.”
Eddie shifts so he can press his foot to Steve’s because he can’t lean over and kiss him. There’s a long stretch of silence. Eddie counts seventeen ticks of the clock before he speaks again, the silence unbearable.
“Mrs Harrington, Steve mentioned that you collect pottery.”
When he mentioned it, he said he wanted to smash all of it. Eddie doesn’t say that.
“I do,” she says brightly. “I started collecting when I was nineteen, after I married Walter—“
“Why is it disgusting?” Steve interrupts abruptly, looking across the table at his father. Catherine falls silent, staring at him. Eddie says his name softly.
“I’m sorry?” Walter says, lowering his fork.
“The fags,” Steve says coldly. “If they’re just holding hands. What’s the problem?”
Walter stares at Steve, a challenge in his eyes, but Steve keeps his ground, staring back, unblinking.
“You know why.”
“No. I don’t.” Steve lifts his chin defiantly. Eddie wants to marry him. “Tell me.”
“It’s not right.”
“Why?” Steve says, but it’s hardly a question. He almost growls. Eddie shifts in his seat.
“Men are supposed to be with women,” Walter says, his voice measured like he’s lecturing Steve. Eddie can hear the way Steve is breathing, can see his fist trembling as it grips the table cloth. Eddie kind of hopes it rips. “Homosexuals— They— They go against God’s word.”
A small part of Eddie is happy to see him get flustered.
“Right,” Steve breathes. “God’s word.” He’s nodding, his jaw tensed the way it does when he’s particularly mad. It’s hot. Eddie sets his fork down. “Because God always wants the best, right?”
Walter just stares. Catherine’s hands are in her lap.
“That’s why priests rape little boys when they go in for Sunday school, right? Because they know God’s word.” Eddie looks at him, taking a deep breath. “That’s why you married an eighteen year old when you were twenty seven.”
Eddie’s eyes widen, and he looks at Catherine, who clears her throat delicately and wipes her lips with her napkin even though there’s nothing there. Walter’s face turns red.
“God also says don’t get drunk,” Steve continues, his voice strong. “And we all know you don’t have an issue with that.”
“Steven,” Catherine says firmly, but Steve doesn’t spare her a glance. The air feels like it’s tightening, like they’re all holding their breaths.
“So what’s the problem with fags?” Steve asks, his cheeks red. “Why do you hate them so much? You’re not better than them.”
“Why are you so defensive—”
“Because I am one.”
Steve is yelling.
Steve never yells, not like this. He yells to be heard over rambunctious bickering and laughter, he yells to be heard across the trailer or the house. He doesn’t yell out of anger. But he is now.
The rooms falls silent. Eddie looks from Steve to his parents, to their wide eyes, and he slowly reaches for the knife next to his plate. He grips it in his hand, his muscles tense the way they were when he was fighting the demobats with Dustin. Ready to move at any given second, like his veins are stiff with adrenaline.
“What are you saying?” Walter says coldly, quietly.
Steve scoffs, humourless.
“I think that was pretty clear.”
“Steven—“ Catherine tries to say, but Steve interrupts.
“But you want me to be clearer? I can be clearer.” He pushes his plate away, toward his dad, and leans over in emphasis. “I like men. And I’ve known for years, and I never told you because I knew you’d try to beat it out of me, but you can’t do that anymore.”
Walter throws his fork onto his plate with a clatter, his mouth twisting, and Steve just grins.
“I can be more specific,” he says in a low voice. He leans back, moving his arm to run his fingers through Eddie’s hair more gently than Eddie thought possible at a time like this. “This is my boyfriend, Eddie,” Steve says. Eddie smiles at him. “And I love him more than life itself, and I love when he holds my hand, and when he kisses me, and—”
Walter interrupts by moving out of his seat, the chair scraping loudly on the floor, his face bright red, as though anything Steve’s said is scandalous. Steve seems to have the same thought, pulling his hand away from Eddie and standing too, his eyes following Walter as he moves away from the table.
“I can tell you more,” he says loudly, defiantly. Eddie scoots his chair back, watching raptly, just in case. “I love it when he fucks me.”
Catherine gasps, and a laugh bursts out of Eddie as he watches Walter’s face redden even more.
“And he fucks me hard,” Steve continues, ignoring his mother as she says his name weakly and begins to cry. “And I fucking love it. And I bet that pisses you off even more, doesn’t it.”
He’s breathing hard, and his whole body is trembling, and Eddie feels prouder than he’s ever felt in his life.
“That I’m the one taking it,” Steve says, quieter as Walter stares at him. “You always wanted me to be a man, but I love it when my boyfriend makes me his bitch.”
Heat pools in Eddie’s stomach. He slides his tongue across his lips, wanting to pin Steve to the wall and kiss his breath away.
“And aren’t you angry,” Steve breathes. “That you don’t have another son to fix the Harrington name.” He’s moving closer to Walter, and Eddie watches carefully. Walter’s hands are shaking, his chest rising and falling with each breath that rattles around in the quiet room. “Because you’re an only child,” Steve says thoughtfully, like it’s a new discovery. “And you only had a faggot,” he adds quietly, close enough to press two fingertips into Walter’s chest as he whispers, “Harringtons end with me.”
The air snaps.
Catherine screams when Walter’s fist hits Steve’s face, and Eddie stands from his chair, his vision red, moving quickly as Catherine cries Walter’s name. Walter is trying to hit Steve again, and Eddie grabs the back of his jacket, jerking him off and holding him back as Steve takes a breath.
His eyes are shining in a way Eddie’s never seen before, with malice and rage and twenty years of anger boiling and bubbling out of him. His cheek is already blooming red, and Eddie can see the subtle mark of Walter’s wedding band. Eddie jerks his jacket again, holding him in place.
“I’m not fourteen anymore, Dad,” Steve says evenly.
The crack of his fist on Walter’s face echoes around the room, and Eddie finally drops the jacket, but not before shoving Walter against the wall hard to disorient him. He steps away as Steve punches him again, watching.
Catherine is yelling at them to stop, her voice shrill and high, but Eddie just… watches.
He’s heard Dustin and the others tease Steve for not winning fights. Losing the fight with Jonathan Byers, the fight with Billy Hargrove. But he’s also heard them all praise Steve for beating demodogs with a baseball bat. And he’s seen Steve throw a demobat into the ground by gripping its serrated tail, seen him step on its wing and rip it right in half before flinging its body away and spitting its blood on the ground. And Eddie’s known, for as long as he’s known this Steve Harrington, that he pulls his punches.
But he isn’t tonight.
Walter’s face and Steve’s hands are painted red with blood, and the sound of them both yelling and Cathrine sobbing and the sound of bone and blood are echoing around the kitchen until Walter is dropping to the floor.
Steve is gripping the front of his blood stained shirt, hitting him and hitting him and hitting him, and Eddie startles at the sound of the front door breaking in, blinking hard and realising that the room is lit up by red and blue flashing lights, that Catherine isn’t in the room.
He steps forward to pull Steve away, his vision focused on Steve as shouts fill the room, but Steve shoves him back and Eddie gets a glimpse of his face.
His top lip is split, bleeding, and his cheek is darkly bruised, and he’s crying.
Tears mix with his blood as they slide down his cheeks, and Eddie knows it must hurt as a tear hits his lip, and even though Steve must not be able to see well, he isn’t stopping. Eddie desperately shouts his name, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him away from Walter, who falls onto the floor, weakly saying something about Steve being a bastard. Catherine is sobbing in the doorway as cops pull Walter off the ground, and Eddie holds Steve back.
Steve is sobbing too, and Eddie’s whole body hurts. He’s saying Steve’s name, trying to get him to look at Eddie, wants to prompt him to breathe in all the way, but Steve won’t look at him, his arms straining against Eddie’s grip. He’s still yelling.
The cops push Walter toward the door as one of them, Powell, moves toward Eddie. Eddie recognises him. He was there when Eddie came back, when Hopper came back. He arrested Eddie once when Eddie was fifteen, but he didn’t seem to hold a grudge was Hopper and Joyce Byers filled him on the shitshow that been going on in Hawkins for the past few years.
Powell is staring, wide-eyed, at them, his mouth hanging ajar with an unspoken question.
“He threw the first punch,” Eddie says, gesturing to Walter’s wriggling body as he’s led outside, his voice shaking.
Walter is yelling at Steve, even though he can’t see him. Calling him a bastard, and a faggot. Yelling that Steve isn’t his son.
As soon as he’s out the door, Steve’s body relaxes, and Eddie pulls him close, tugging him into a hug. He’s breathing hard, and shaking so hard that Eddie can feel it even though Steve’s fists are gripping his shirt tightly. The cop looks at them, watching, but Eddie doesn’t care. Let him see.
Eddie holds his face gently when Steve’s crying slows, and he watches the flashing police lights reflect in his glistening eyes and his tears. Eddie wipes a drop of blood from his lip, nodding when Steve’s chin quivers.
“You’re okay,” Eddie murmurs. His hands are shaking too. Steve takes a deep, trembling breath, his eyes flicking back and forth between Eddie’s.
“My ear’s ringing.”
Eddie’s eyes widen, and he reaches up to Steve’s right ear, touching it gently. There’s some blood in his hair above it, and anger flashes in Eddie’s chest. He wants to go outside and beat Walter some more, regardless of the cops, regardless of his already garbage reputation. But he doesn’t. Because Steve is clutching to his shirt, and he’s crying.
“Can you hear me still?”
Steve nods, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Eddie pulls him into another hug, moving so his mouth is above his right ear, and he knows he’s getting blood on his face, but he doesn’t care.
“‘S gonna be okay,” he says softly. “I got you, sweetheart, you’re alright.”
Eddie closes his eyes, and they sway, and they can still hear the distant, unintelligible shouting of Walter outside. Powell waits next to them patiently until they part slowly. Steve is sniffling, and Eddie wipes his face, under his eyes, under his nose, wipes away the blood on his lip.
“Steve,” Powell says gently. “You gotta tell me what happened.”
Steve takes another deep breath, swallowing thickly before he looks at Powell, setting his shoulders and jaw again.
“I’m queer,” he says firmly. Powell doesn’t react, just looks at him. “I told him.”
“He hit you first?” Powell asks, reiterating what Eddie said earlier. Steve nods.
“I…” He hesitates, reaches down to take Eddie’s hand, and Eddie laces their fingers, squeezes tightly. “I provoked him. Taunted him.”
Powell pauses, looking out the window to see the cars outside, and he slides his tongue over his teeth, seething.
“Wait here a minute.”
Eddie nods, and Steve leans against him as Powell leaves. Eddie wraps his arms around Steve tightly, pulling him close.
“God, you did so good, Stevie,” he murmurs in his good ear. “‘M so proud of you, baby.”
“Eddie,” Steve says weakly. His voice is rough. Eddie kisses his forehead gently.
“I know, baby,” he says just loud enough that Steve can hear him. “But it’s done, okay?” he says. He looks into Steve’s eyes. “You’re done with him.”
Steve exhales, closing his eyes.
Eddie shifts, pulling to guide him to the table, but Steve tugs at his shirt, opening his eyes and leaving a hard, lingering kiss on Eddie’s lips. Eddie closes his eyes, holding Steve until he pulls away, and when Steve looks at him blearily, he lets out a soft laugh that seems out of place.
“I got blood on you,” he says quietly. Eddie scoffs.
“I’ve had worse bodily fluids of yours on me.”
“Gross,” Steve says, grinning, and he winces when it stretches his lip. There’s blood in his teeth.
“C’mere,” Eddie says, pulling him over and pushing him to lean against the table between Eddie’s and Catherine’s plates before he goes to get a paper towel. Steve snatches it from his hand as he stands between his legs, and Eddie lets out a small indignant noise, but Steve shushes him, reaching up to clean blood off his lip. Eddie waits, holding Steve’s hips.
“Love you so much,” Eddie murmurs.
“Love you too.”
“Is your ear still ringing?”
Steve shakes his head before he pauses, tilting his head and closing his eyes as his brows furrow. Eddie takes the paper towel.
“Little bit. Not as bad. I think it’s fine.”
Eddie gently, tenderly wiping blood off Steve’s lips before he presses it to the split, watching Steve wince slightly. He can feel Steve’s heartbeat against his fingertip. It’s still fast.
“Deep breath,” Eddie says softly. Steve closes his eyes, inhaling deeply. “I got you, baby.”
Steve’s hand finds his waist, holding him tightly as he exhales.
Eddie leans in and kisses his forehead softly, feeling Steve fall forward against him. He pushes his fingers through Steve’s hair, kissing across his forehead, kissing his temple, tilting his head to kiss Steve’s ear tenderly. He whispers to him quietly.
When Powell comes back in, Eddie has to nudge Steve’s cheek gently to make him open his eyes, and Steve turns his face slightly. Eddie pulls away the paper towel. His lip doesn’t seem to be bleeding anymore.
“He’s being held overnight,” Powell says, pushing a notebook into his pocket. “Paying bail, should be released around noon tomorrow.”
Steve nods.
“Your mother’s going with him,” Powell continues gently, like he can see the anguish it causes in Steve’s eyes. “She’s staying at a friend’s tonight.”
“Okay.”
Powell hesitates, looking from Steve to Eddie.
“You have a place to stay?” he asks. Eddie guesses it’s unspoken knowledge that Steve can’t stay here.
“Yes.”
Eddie knows Steve knows he can stay at the trailer for as long as he has to. And Claudia Henderson’s offered her guest room, as well as Joyce and Hopper. Robin’s offered her bedroom floor. Nancy’s offered her basement.
“And you?” Powell asks, looking at Eddie. Eddie starts for a moment, blinking at him blankly before he nods.
“Uh, yeah.”
“Okay.”
Powell hesitates for a moment longer before he looks at Steve, his eyes shining earnestly.
“He shows up again,” he says carefully. “At your work, or wherever you stay, if he threatens you… Or tries anything.” He points at Steve, so serious the air feels tense again. “You come to the station. You tell me, and if I’m not there you tell Flo, and she’ll find me, okay?”
Steve nods, staring at him, biting his lip.
“I’ll take care of it.”
“Okay,” Steve says quietly.
“And if you need another place to stay,” Powell adds. “Let me know. My wife and I have a spare bedroom.”
Steve smiles weakly.
“Okay.”
“You too,” Powell says to Eddie. “Got it?”
“Yes, sir,” Eddie says, smiling softly.
Powell claps Steve on his back gently.
“You’re a good kid, Steve.”
Steve pulls Eddie closer when he leaves, and Eddie moves between his legs again, touching his hair gently. The blood above his ear is dry.
They stand in silence as they listen to the cars leave the driveway. Three cars. After a moment the red and blue lights are gone, and Eddie exhales.
Eddie gazes at the bruise on his cheek. His lip is a little swollen, crusted with dry blood. After a moment, Steve leans forward, resting his head on Eddie’s sternum, and Eddie runs a hand over his hair gently.
“What do you need?” Eddie asks quietly. “You wanna shower? Go to bed?”
Steve lifts his head and looks up at him.
“I need you to fuck me.”
Eddie stares at him, looks back and forth between his eyes, watching them shine earnestly, and he stands up straight, tossing away the paper towel.
“Turn around.”
Steve grins and stands up, turning around to face the table, already tugging his shirt off and tossing it across the room. Eddie steps up behind him, tugging Steve’s hair to make him tilt his head before he presses kisses along the side of his neck.
Steve hums breathlessly when Eddie pushes him so the fronts of his legs press to the table, and Eddie reaches around him to unbutton and unzip his jeans.
“Colour?” he asks roughly, pausing as he grips the waistband of the jeans, and Steve whines, his head falling back to Eddie’s shoulder.
“Green, baby, please.”
Eddie grins, shoving Steve’s jeans and boxers down his legs and pushing at his back so he bends over the table.
“Spread ‘em,” he says, kicking at Steve’s foot, and Steve spreads his legs, groaning softly and turning his head so his cheek presses to the table. “Pretty boy.”
“Eddie,” Steve says weakly. “I love you.”
“I love you too, baby,” Eddie murmurs. He leans over and kisses his back, down his spine. “So fucking much.”
He kneels on the ground behind him, running his hands over Steve’s ass and his thighs, squeezing and kneading before he leans in to bite at him for a moment before he licks across his hole, holding him tightly.
Steve whines loudly, pushing his ass back toward Eddie, who snickers quietly before eating him out in earnest, licking and sucking and nibbling as he listens to the sweet sounds Steve makes above him.
Steve is groaning and whimpering and whining, and Eddie has to pull away to laugh when a plate falls from the table and shatters on the ground.
“Fuck, sorry,” Steve says, laughing, and Eddie stands to find him gripping the table cloth tightly.
“‘S okay,” Eddie says, breathing hard, tugging Steve’s hair so he stands up again, and Steve releases the table cloth. Eddie wraps his arms around him, kissing his neck. There’s some blood on the table cloth, and Steve is drooling, and Eddie smiles. “Love it when you get all wild. My perfect boy.” He lifts a hand, presses two fingers to Steve’s lips, and Steve whimpers, opening his mouth.
Eddie bites his neck as Steve’s tongue swirls around his fingers, pressing desperate kisses around the back of his neck until he reaches his right ear.
“You have any idea how amazing I think you are?” Eddie asks softly. Steve moans, his head falling back as Eddie pushes his fingers deeper into his mouth, pressing into the pooling spit under his tongue. “Love of my fuckin’ life.”
Steve reaches up and pushes his fingers into Eddie’s hair as soft noises escape his throat.
“You feel good, sweetheart?” Eddie asks. Steve moans quietly, nodding. “You wanna feel better?”
Steve smiles around his fingers, giggling softly, and he tugs Eddie’s hair as he nods.
Eddie pulls his hand away from Steve’s mouth and takes a moment to look at Steve’s spit dripping over his fingers before he reaches down to press a finger inside him.
“Fuck,” Steve groans loudly. Eddie beams.
“Yeah?”
“Fuck, Eddie, I need— Gimme more, baby, please—”
“I’ll take care of you, Stevie,” Eddie murmurs into his ear. “I got you.”
“Feel so good, Eddie.”
Eddie smiles again, biting at his neck, fingering him open as he whispers to him. Tells him how pretty is. He gets three fingers in before Steve finally whines, tugging sharply at his hair.
“Eddie,” he gasps. “Please, please, I—”
“Bend over.”
Steve grins again, leaning to lay on the table again, resting his head so his right ear is up.
Eddie kisses his back before he steps back, unbuckling his belt as he moves to the the counter, noisily opening and shutting cabinets until he finds what he’s looking for.
Steve whines Eddie’s name, looking up at him, and Eddie pulls his belt from the loops of his jeans, shaking the bottle of olive oil at him with raised eyebrows. Steve snorts loudly and lets out a childish, juvenile laugh, grinning and hiding his face in his arms.
Eddie’s always hated this olive oil. It’s Catherine’s, expensive and fancy and ordered from Italy, always hidden away in her special occasions only cabinet. But Eddie thinks this counts as a special occasion, because the man of his dreams is bent over the dining table and Eddie doesn’t want to go all the way upstairs for lube.
Steve’s fists grip the tablecloth when Eddie pushes in, the same way he clutches at the sheets when they’re in bed. The cloth comes up, and a glass falls the floor, shattering, and Eddie laughs again, setting the olive oil down.
“You’re makin’ a mess, baby.”
Steve just lets out a long groan.
Eddie gazes down at him, at the scars that cover his back and backs of his arms, at the mess of his hair. He slides a hand over his back, smearing oil over his skin.
“How do you want it?” he asks breathlessly.
“Hard.”
“Got it. Hold on.”
Steve giggles, gripping the tablecloth, and he lets out a sharp gasp as Eddie snaps his hips into him.
Eddie loves when Steve gets like this. All loose and relaxed, going with every movement Eddie makes. Unfiltered and loud, groaning and whining and almost screaming when Eddie really gets going, his hand to the small of his back. He’s always like this, even when Eddie fucks him softly and kindly like the first time they had sex (or made love, as Eddie put it dramatically once they’d finished. Steve shoved him away and then promptly pulled him closer to tuck his face into his neck.), tangled in blankets in the back of Eddie’s van, breathing into each other’s mouths, whispering and giggling.
Another plate falls from the table.
Eddie is grinning down at him, watching, listening as he swears and moans.
“Eddie,” Steve wails. Tears are sliding down his face, staining the tablecloth.
“Yeah, baby,” Eddie says roughly, his hands gripping Steve’s hips tightly. “What do you need?”
“Fuck, spit on me,” Steve whimpers. “Make me yours, Eddie, please.”
Eddie exhales, running a hand down his spine tenderly. (That night in the van, Eddie also learned, to his delight, that Steve is even kinkier than he is. It’s fun.)
“You are mine,” he says gently. “Always.”
He fucks into him three more times as he gathers spit in his mouth, and then he pauses, letting it drip over Steve’s back. Steve lets out a soft yes, almost hissing it, and Eddie smiles down at him, rubbing the spit into his skin as he moves again.
“Eddie, right there—”
“I got you, baby, I know.”
“Eddie, please, Eddie, EddieEddieEddie—”
He presses his hand against Steve’s back hard, fucking him harder, faster, until Steve is sobbing, until the two remaining plates and the bottle of olive oil fall to the ground and shatter to pieces. Eddie laughs again.
Steve comes on the table cloth. Eddie lifts him up to wrap his arms around him when they finish, and Steve’s head falls back against Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie doesn’t pull out, just holds Steve close and pulls his necklaces around to hang backwards so they aren’t pressing into Steve’s bare skin.
“You okay?” he asks softly after pressing a soft kiss to his earlobe. Steve exhales.
“Holy fuck.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Steve breathes. He presses his hand over Eddie’s forearm, slides it down to lace their fingers.
“Look at that, baby,” Eddie says softly, nudging him so look at the table. Steve’s eyes flutter open, finding it. A mostly empty glass, rolling on its side in spilled water, the pale blue tablecloth uneven and folded and stained with blood and oil and come. “That’s all you.”
Steve exhales, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder.
“I’d say you helped.”
Eddie snickers into the side of Steve’s neck, his arms tightening, and Steve moans softly.
“Smartass.”
“You love me.”
“I do.”
Steve sighs. Eddie can feels his pulse on his lips. It’s slower.
“What now?” he asks quietly.
“Shower,” Steve says, squeezing his hand. “And pack.”
Eddie hums and kisses his neck tenderly.
“And then we’ll go home,” he murmurs.
Steve smiles.
“Then we’ll go home.”
They shower slowly, carefully washing each other’s hair and bodies, washing away blood and sweat and come in the hot, running water. Steve’s shampoo smells warm, like cinnamon and other spices Eddie’s never been able to afford to keep in his cabinets. (Nutmeg? Allspice? Eddie doesn’t even know what he would use them for.) After they dry off and dress, Eddie stuffs the shampoo, along with his conditioner and body soap, into a plastic bag to take with them. Steve adds two cans of Farah Fawcett hairspray.
Eddie helps him sort through his clothes, pick what to take and what to leave behind. He finds one of his own sweaters in Steve’s closet as Steve is stuffing a bag with underwear and socks, and he giggles to himself before throwing it at Steve. Steve’s cheeks flush pink, and he wordlessly stuffs it into the bag.
Steve packs most of his shirts, except a few he says his mother picked out, and most of his jeans. Eddie gets a garbage bag for the clothes Steve doesn’t want anymore, and he laughs as makes his way through the kitchen, looking at the mess he and Steve made and next behind. They aren’t going to clean it up. Just because.
Steve’s room is pathetically empty by the time they finish packing. It was already pathetically empty before, if Eddie’s honest. No framed pictures, no keepsakes. No stuffed animals or childhood toys. Steve’s bags, a duffel bag and a backpack, are both stuffed with clothes and soap, with a bottle of cologne and a copy of the Hobbit that he tried to hide from Eddie.
Eddie finds it, of course. And looks up at Steve with a beaming grin, even as Steve rubs the back of his neck, blushing bright red.
“You love it so much, I just…”
Eddie crosses the room and wraps his arms around his neck, swaying like they’re dancing.
“Do you like it?”
“I’m trying to.”
“You don’t have to like it,” Eddie says, grinning. Steve wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist, pulling him close. “It’s fine if you don’t.”
“I know,” Steve says shyly, swaying with him again. “Think I’m just a slow reader.”
“‘S okay, baby,” Eddie says softly. “You don’t have a due date or anything.”
“Thank God.”
They go to bed in the Harrington house for the last time.
Eddie wakes up to Steve’s lips pressing down his neck, and he smiles at the ceiling without opening his eyes, tilting his head back to give him room. He hums softly.
“Whassa time?” Eddie mumbles weakly, reaching blindly to find Steve’s hair.
“Six twenty-seven,” Steve says before he licks a slow line up his neck. Eddie groans.
“Forgot I’m in love with a morning person.”
“‘S sweet,” Steve says lightly. “Just relax, baby.”
Eddie sighs, tugging at his hair again, but his hand falls when Steve moves, tossing the blanket up so he can duck under it. Eddie shivers at the gust of cold morning air that hits his body, and then he shivers again as Steve tugs at the waistband of his boxers.
“I’ll make you coffee,” Eddie says breathlessly when Steve comes back up from under the blanket, cracking his eyes open to find Steve grinning brightly at him. His split lip doesn’t bleed even as he smile. The bruise on his face is colourful, reddish purple and blue, and somehow achingly beautiful even as it makes Eddie’s chest hurt like he’s been shot.
“I’d like that,” Steve says softly.
They get out of bed slowly, lazily, and Eddie tugs on one of Steve’s hoodies as he yawns.
Steve always looks beautiful in the morning light. Even in gray mornings like this, he seems to glow brighter than the sun.
Steve goes to the bathroom while Eddie goes down to make the coffee. He finds Steve’s favourite mug in a cabinet, the cute blue one, and he leans against the counter as he waits on the coffee, looking at the dining table and smiling to himself.
He’s shaken out of his thoughts by a car pulling into the driveway.
He blinks, tilting his head to listen like he can’t tell where it’s coming from, and he turns around, leaning to look out the window to see Catherine.
Anger flares in his chest, and he’s swinging the front door open before she’s even out of the car, careless to the fact that he’s in his boxers.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he asks sharply as she approaches the door. Her eyes skim over him, her hands folded in front of her. Her hair isn’t as nice as it was yesterday, and Eddie can see traces of her makeup that ran down her cheeks last night.
“It’s my house,” she says primly.
“Well we’re not gone yet,” Eddie snaps. “Come back in a few hours.”
She takes a breath, opening her mouth to speak, but Steve’s voice interrupts her.
“Eddie?” Eddie turns sharply, looking to see Steve coming down the stairs, and Steve’s face hardens when he sees his mother on the front step. “Oh.”
“We don’t have to deal with this, baby,” Eddie says quickly. “Just get your stuff, we can go.”
Steve pauses, staring at Catherine coldly, his mouth twisting thoughtfully before he says, “No. Let’s have coffee,” in a voice that’s far too calm, too light.
He continues down the stairs and turns wordlessly into the kitchen, and Catherine steps past Eddie.
Eddie shuts the door, his stomach knotting, and he follows them to the kitchen. Steve is sipping from the mug, leaning against the counter, and Eddie joins him, watching with a suppressed smile as Catherine looks at the table.
“What do you want?” Steve asks coldly.
“What happened to the table?”
“Eddie fucked me on it. What do you want?”
Catherine’s face turns red, and she looks away from the table, clearing her throat delicately.
“I wanted to talk.”
“So talk,” Steve says dryly, sipping the coffee. He’s still staring at her, almost seething.
Catherine hesitates, taking a breath and looking at the floor, eyeing the broken bottle of olive oil, but she doesn’t say anything about it.
“I know,” she says slowly. “That what happened last night is not… reversible.”
She looks up at Steve.
“But you are still our son,” she says kindly, and Eddie scoffs. “And I want you to know that you still have a home here.”
“No.”
She blinks.
“No?”
Steve inhales deeply, biting his lip, and he carefully holds the mug out to Eddie, who takes it as Steve crosses his arms.
“I have never had a home here,” Steve says calmly, “Mom.”
“Steven,” she says softly. Like it hurts.
He shakes his head, pressing his lips together.
“I’ve never felt…” He pauses, swallowing. “I’ve never felt safe here. Or— Or loved. I’ve never felt fucking— at home here. This has always been just— just a sad empty… lonely house for the sad empty lonely little boy.”
Eddie looks at the floor, biting his lip as he focusses on the heat of the mug in his hands.
“I know you don’t mean that, darling,” Catherine says softly.
“You don’t know anything about me,” Steve says coldly.
“Steven, of course I do—”
“No, you don’t,” Steve shouts. Eddie flinches, and he turns to set the mug on the counter. “No, you don’t,” Steve repeats, breathing hard. “You don’t know shit about me. You know my name because you picked it, but you don’t know who I am.”
“Steven—“
“You left me,” Steve interrupts, his voice shaking. “You— You left me. Here. With— With teenagers, while you went off on holidays and fucking business trips, you left me here, while I was trying to grow up, and then I had to figure out to be a grown up, all by myself because you weren’t here.”
His lip is quivering, and he steadies it between his teeth.
“You don’t know me,” he says again, quietly.
“Steven, you’re my son,” she says softly.
“I’m half deaf.”
She blinks.
“What?”
“One of my ears,” Steve says slowly, “has no hearing.” He stands up straight, off the counter, and gestures to his ears with a hand. “Can you tell which ear it is?”
She stares, wide-eyed.
“Steven—“
“Can you tell me,” he says shakily, “when my hearing started going?”
Silence.
“Because I can tell you,” Steve whispers. “The fucking day.”
He moves closer, his breathing unsteady.
“July sixteenth,” he says quietly. “Nineteen eighty.”
Eddie grips the counter, biting his lip as he watches. Catherine’s are welling with tears, but Steve doesn’t seem to even notice.
“When your husband gave me a concussion,” he continues, whispering. “And I looked up to see you leave the room, and shut the door behind yourself.”
Eddie’s eyes jump to Catherine, his vision red. Her lip is quivering. Eddie doesn’t care.
“I have had four concussions in my life,” Steve says, holding up four fingers before he lowers two of them. “Two of them… were from your husband. And both times, you left.”
“Steven,” she says weakly, but Steve snaps.
“You left,” he shouts. Catherine flinches. Eddie doesn’t. “You picked him,” he says, pointing toward the door. “Twenty fucking years, and you picked him, again, and again, and again.” He chokes, and his voice breaks. “My whole life,” he says weakly. “You picked a man, who never loved you, over your son.”
Eddie’s eyes burn, and he looks at the ground, swallowing thickly.
“And last night you picked him again,” Steve says.
Catherine stares at him. A tear slides down her cheek.
“So no,” Steve says after taking a breath. “You don’t know me, and you don’t get to. This is all you get.”
He stares her down for a moment, and Eddie blinks his tears back, watching proudly.
“Fuck you,” Steve says softly. “And fuck him, and fuck this house. I’m fucking done.”
“Steven, please,” she begs quietly. “You don’t have to come here, or— or see him, but I still want to be… a part of your life, darling, I—”
“You’re not better than him,” Steve yells, crying. “You let him, you let him do everything he did to me.” He’s panting, and Eddie’s chest tightens. He stands up straight. “You made me hate myself before I was old enough to understand why you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, darling—”
“Well you don’t fucking love me either,” Steve yells. He stops short, blinking like he’s realises it just as he says it, and Eddie wants to pull him into a hug, but he also wants to find Nancy’s gun and shoot both his parents for ever making Steve feel like this. “Even if you think you do,” he says softly. “Whatever kind of love you think you have for me. I don’t want it.”
He stares for a moment longer before wiping his face hard and shaking his head.
And he leaves.
Eddie holds his breath, listening as Steve storms up the stairs, listening as Catherine cries quietly, a hand pressed over her mouth. Steve comes back down after a few moments with his bags, and he pauses in the doorway, looking at Eddie, who looks up.
“Go to the van, I’ll be there in a minute, babe.”
Steve looks at him for a moment before he steps close and tugs him by his shirt into a kiss, sliding his tongue into Eddie mouth and holding him close desperately. Eddie pushes his fingers into Steve’s hair, closing his eyes and exhaling, tasting the coffee on Steve’s breath.
They’re both breathless when they part, and Steve looks into Eddie’s eyes. Eddie nods, touching his cheek.
Steve goes outside.
The door shuts behind him, and Eddie hears the van door open and shut. And then he just hears Catherine’s soft breaths. And the ticking of the clock in the living room.
He leans against the counter, looking at the floor, hesitating before he looks up at her.
“He is… the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Eddie says slowly, softly, his voice almost echoing in the kitchen. “He is the bravest, kindest, strongest, most— most selfless person I have ever known.”
She’s still crying. But she’s looking at him, listening.
“And you…” He pauses, taking a deep breath, his hands shaking, his lip quivering. “And you fucked… every chance you got to have him in your life. Twenty years. You got twenty years of chances, and you fucked them all up.”
He stares for a moment.
“I can tell,” he says softly, “that there’s… a small part of you… that cares about him. Somewhere in there. So to that… small part.” He steps forward, his eyes burning. “I swear, I will… love him, and care for him, and look after him, and do everything I fucking can to make sure he feels as loved and protected as he is.”
He points a trembling finger at her.
“Because that is a privilege that I have.” He’s breathing hard, his eyes burning, his heart pounding in his chest. “And I will do everything in my power to not lose that privilege.”
He hesitates a moment longer, watching her cry before he turns around and picks up the mug and dumps the coffee in the sink. He rinses the mug quickly and shuts off the water harder than he needs to.
And he leaves. Without giving her a second glance.
He hands Steve the mug as he slides into the driver seat, and Steve laughs wetly, taking it.
“Thank you,” he says softly.
Eddie looks over at him, biting his lip. His face is tear-streaked, his lashes clumped, his cheeks and nose rosy red.
Broken and slowly pieced back together.
His eyes are gleaming, and he looks so awfully exhausted that Eddie wants to tell him to get in the back of the van to take a nap, but he also looks so relieved that Eddie just pulls him into a kiss.
“I love you,” he whispers, pressing their foreheads together. “With all my fuckin’ heart and soul, baby.”
“I love you too,” Steve whispers back.
Eddie kisses him again, sucking on his lower lip for a moment and holding his chin gently, and he pauses when they part, taking a soft breath.
“You’re not wearing any pants,” Steve says, laughing tearfully again, and Eddie scoffs, blinking tears back as he pulls out of the driveway.
“Who gives a shit?”
Steve giggles, clutching the mug to his chest.
“Let’s go home.”
“Okay.”
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rinhaler · 29 days
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hiiiii sorry I left so abruptly thank u to everyone who sent me sweet asks 🥺💕
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