#cw sui thoughts

[dollya-robinprotector]

Isn't it better to hide quietly in the shadows? There are even flowers like buds, you know. It's better to keep it a secret so it protects. Undisturbed by anyone, it blooms magnificently.

Hana ni natte (Be a flower) - Ryokuoushoku Shakai

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Every single volume of this godforsaken manga keeps emphasizing more and more how Vash is only keeping himself from kicking the bucket because he needs to confront Knives and protect Rem’s memory and if he didn’t have that goal there would be literally nothing to keep him afloat over wanting to die and feeling like he deserves to be tormented and killed and I have never wanted to wrap a fictional character up in a cozy blanket and make a cup of hot chocolate more than I have with him

[cjcroen1393]

This idea popped into my head this morning and I spent most of said morning working on it.

Kieran denies that he has depression by showing the League Club his vent art. Predictably, this fails to convince them and all it accomplishes is making them MORE concerned for him.

Edit: Forgot to color Ogerpon’s dot thingys

[artsyebonyrose]

"it is so worth it, sticking out" are words i personally really needed to hear as of recently.

(mini personal chat under the readmore, vaguely going into depression/sui thoughts so pls don't read if you're not able to <3)

i felt that stream so deep in my bones. to keep it brief, the last three years i've been having Bad Thoughts pop up at various points to varying degrees, and this year i got it the worse it's ever been. i've finally come to the end of my three year uni course, and it's left me feeling this sick and awful dread that once it ends, so does my life. from january to march i was unable to work, just played nitw and felt like a husk, or crying. then i tried to pull myself out of it, and by early april i'd already fallen back in. its such an all consuming thing, and the Bad Thoughts have been daily. i've only just started poking my head back up mid may because i became obsessed with resident evil (lol) which has aided in distracting my mind.

what i'm trying to say is, what was discussed and said in today's stream resonated with me very deeply. and it's awful to see another person in a similar harrowing position. i don't know how to get better yet, but i'm going to try. and i hope you all are able to get better too. you deserve to!

and aimsey if you happen to read this, thank you for being here. thank you for staying. the world needs you in it.

nothing can take you down 💜

[deadeyedfae]

Dead Eyed Ivy part 7 CW: SELF HARM, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, TRANSPHOBIA

Also there is some EasterEggs in the first page, I wonder who those graffiti artists are….

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

[screampotato]

I just want to remark, in relation to some of the discussions I'm seeing online today:

- Feeling suicidal is a medical emergency. There is no shame in it, but if you're feeling this way, you need to get help right away. It's not to be messed with. Your brain is sending a signal that it needs help urgently, please act on that by seeking help and support.

- If somebody I know is experiencing this, I'll do whatever I can to get them the help they need, Utimately, I can't control what happens next, any more than for any other life-threatening health problem. We do what we can, and that's all we can do.

- If somebody I DON'T know is experiencing this, e.g. a celebrity, I will have empathy, but I won't pretend that it's up to me to try and fix the situation. It is important to be respectful and take stock when you hear somebody is in danger from a life-threatening health problem, but equally, if they're not somebody you actually know or have any influence on, that's about as much as you can do, and as much as you need to do.

- If somebody is in danger from a life-threatening health condition, while also being justifiably criticised for doing something harmful, one doesn't cancel out the other. If you feel like it does, that's probably because your criticism was at least partly based on dehumanising the other person, and you now feel you can't continue doing that because their vulnerability has humanised them. But criticism - even very serious criticism - should never be based in dehumanisation. You can respect somebody's basic humanity, feel empathy for their troubles and solidarity with their mortality, at the same time as telling the truth about their behaviour.

I hope this helps. I feel like a lot of confusing feelings related to mental health are easier for me to process when I compare it to other health problems and how I react to those. Ultimately, suicidal ideation is a dangerous health problem which needs to be dealt with by the sufferer, the people close to them, and the organisations that provide help and support in these situations.

[yet-another-haven-of-dollya]

[postpartum depression and su*c*de mentioned]

I once had a dream, so vividly it almost felt real. I dreamed that I loved someone with all my heart, and they loved me too, we were in love, so so much, and we were so happy. So so happy, so in love, so blissful

Then I became pregnant, is that how you call it? We were expecting, anticipation and worry but we prepared everything we could. We were so happy with the upcoming baby, I and my partner. My partner was so protective and caring, and once the child was born we would be completed. We would be a true family.

And then I gave birth. I can not describe the happiness we felt at that moment, we were in tears and cried and laughed for hours...

.....

But then I remember, suddenly I'm standing next to my child sleeping peacefully inside the cradle. I can't quite see my child's face, they must resemble my partner. I can't remember my partner's face either. But I know my partner is beautiful, and my child is beautiful because they resemble my partner so much. Then I just know it, I know my child is beautiful. So beautiful and wonderful, so pure, so happy, so precious... waves of emotions surging and crashing at me, and I just feel it

The need to end that beauty when it's still beautiful. Pure, untainted.

My beautiful child must end with me.

Then next thing I knew I was falling out of a balcony clutching my still sleeping child in my hand pressing their head to my heart.

I think I saw my partner reaching out to me. idk, maybe I wanted to drag him down with me so we could be together. maybe

Then I woke up. no sweat no tears, no nothing, but I couldn't sleep after that. I kept thinking back, about what I was thinking to come to that conclusion.

...If Lya were to bear a child, Robin's child, when she's still in her traumatized/depressed phase, would she do the same?

..............Would I do it if I were to have a child of my own too?

[tythezawmbieslayer]

“What if the only way not to feel bad

Is to stop feeling anything at all

Forever.”

-Hannah Baker.

[mintaikcorpse]

Seriously, what's the evolutionary advantage of dearealization and suicidal ideation? Wtf do I gain from this exactly?

[celestiall0tus]

Tales of Bloody Bug and Chat Noir - Chapter 26 - Reverser and the Return of Evillustrator

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            Alix stared up at a blank wall. She tossed a spray paint can in her hand as she raked her brain with ideas. She felt eyes burn into her that flared her annoyance. She sneered under her mask and latched onto it. She put the can down and reached for the red. She covered the blank canvas in it before she went for the black and tagged the red canvas.

            “Well, this is… something, Miss Kubdel,” Mr. Monlataing said.

            “Is there a problem with it? I thought art was supposed to be an expression of the soul,” Alix countered.

            “It is, but why is your soul so angry? Violent even.”

            “A long list that I don’t have the patience, energy, or fucks to give to go through it.”

            “I see. And just how long have you been penting up all this rage?”

            “Why do you care?”

            “Because it’s hurting you, isn’t it?”

            Alix tsked. “It doesn’t matter.”

            “Alix-,” Mr. Monlataing started.

            “Excuse me. Mr. Monlataing? Can I get your input on this?” Nathaniel asked.

            “Hmm? Oh, yes. What do you have here, Nathaniel?”

            Alix glanced over at the recent page of Nathaniel’s Bloody Bug and Chat Noir comic. She noticed a new character that looked exactly like when Nathaniel was Evillustrator.

            “It’s Bloody Bug and Chat Noir teaming up with their latest companion, MightyIllustrator,” Nathaniel said.

            “You mean Evillustrator?” Alix asked.

            “He changed his name after Bloody Bug saved him. Now he fights for justice.”

            “A bad guy that becomes a good guy. I like it. You’re getting better at your storytelling.”

            “Too bad the rest of his writing sucks,” Alix remarked.

            “Miss Kubdel, I’ll allow a lot of things in my class, but we don’t bring down other artists. We must give them the confidence to continue their craft,” Mr. Monlataing scolded.

            “And when does that encouragement feed into arrogance? Do we stop then, or do we keep going until we have an insufferable monster?”

            “Sounds like someone is projecting,” Nathaniel retorted.

            Alix snarled. She reared back her arm and threw the spray paint can she had, but Mr. Monlataing caught it.

            “Alix, I think you should head to the counselor. Whatever is going on is clearly eating away at you. I think you should talk to someone who will listen.”

            Alix opened her mouth when Rose ran over.

            “Mr. Monlataing, I have a better idea to help calm Alix,” Rose said.

            “Oh, this gonna be good. What do you have that could help me?” Alix mocked.

            Rose smiled, took her headphones off, and put them on Alix. Alix opened her mouth to complain until she heard the rock music playing. Alix snorted, rolled her shoulders, and took a seat on the floor. Rose took a seat next to Alix and scribbled on the notepad, then showed it to Alix. Alix tilted her head as she read it.

            I’m sorry, but I had asked Adrien if you were ok. You have been angrier these past few weeks. He didn’t say much, just that you needed time to dwell and not talk about it. I don’t understand what is going on, but I’m here to help in any way I can.

            Alix’s face softened as she smiled. ‘Thank you,’ she mouthed.

            Alix leaned against Rose and Rose leaned against Alix. Rose wrote down song lyrics while Alix watched the room. Mr. Monlataing went around the room, checking on everyone and their projects when a new kid peeked in through the door. Marinette ran up and dragged the guy in and introduced him to Mr. Monlataing, then Nathaniel. Alix watched them until the guy ran out.

            Alix hummed, curious of what that was about, but ignored it. She jammed out to the music until she saw Marinette return with a black journal. She raised a brow when Marinette erased something in it, then gave it to Nathaniel. She furrowed her brows as Nathaniel lost himself to the book. She took off the headphones to confront him when the bell rang. She growled and handed the headphones back to Rose.

            “Thanks again.”

            “Alix, would you like to join Mylene and me on a walk after school? It’s been a while since we’ve talked. But only if you want to.”

            Alix considered then nodded. “Ok. I’ll see you after school.”

            Alix headed out to her next class. She moved through the rest of the day on autopilot as has been her norm for the past few weeks. It worked well enough until someone annoyed her, which wasn’t hard to do. She didn’t like how easily agitated she could be, but it was the price of all this. If she was to get to the root of her problems, she needed to face it alone. No amount of talking was going to help her.

            The final bell rang, and Alix made her way outside. She waited until Mylene, Rose, and Ivan joined her. She was hugged by Mylene and Rose while she fist bumped Ivan. Mylene and Rose each grabbed one of her arms and dragged her along as Ivan followed.

            “I hope we weren’t going for a long walk. It’s really cold now,” Alix remarked.

            “Oh, not at all. Just a short one. We wanted to hang out with you and, well, make sure you’re alright,” Mylene said.

            “I’m not, but I appreciate it.”

            “Adrien said you didn’t want to talk about it. Why is that?” Rose asked.

            “I… it’s stupid.”

            “C’mon, Alix, nothing is stupid,” Ivan encouraged.

            “Fine. Look, I… I want to get better, but I can’t. There’s this… issue at my core that has a death hold on me. I’m trying to get to the root of it, to confront it, but whenever I talk, I feel like I’m running away from it. I can’t let that happen anymore. So, I’m not going to talk as it festers so I can reach it.”

            “But look at what you’re doing to yourself, Alix,” Rose chided.

            “Something needs to be done, Rose. I need to get to the root of all this. My anger, my trauma, everything. Talking hasn’t helped, so I’m not talking anymore until I figure it out.”

            “Alix, you’re going to self-destruct if you do that. And when that happens, Hawkmoth will make you his pawn like he did with all of us,” Ivan warned.

            Rose and Mylene nodded.

            Alix stopped and turned on her heel to face Ivan, Rose, and Mylene. “Do not put me in the same group as you lot. There is nothing Hawkmoth could offer me that would convince me to become a villain. At least, no more than I already am.”

            “Alix, you’re not-!” Rose started.

            “Don’t lie, Rose. I know better. I’m a little monster. I don’t need an Akuma to make me one. I’ve done nothing but hurt and turn on the people that try to get close to me. And when I think I’ve let someone in, they turn around and betray me. I just… there’s just no point. I’m a monster and that’s that. Nothing will change that.”

            Rose, Mylene, and Ivan all exchanged glances while Alix trudged on ahead. They followed behind her as they arrived at Places des Vosages. Alix glanced over to see Nathaniel and the new guy from earlier. She looked away, then back at them as Nathaniel held up the black book and tore apart the pages, devastating the other guy.

            Alix’s eyes widened as red threatened her vision. Her attempts to fight it were in vain as she caved to the rage. She turned into the park and up to Nathaniel. She pushed him down as he tried to leave.

            “Hey! What’s the big-!” Nathaniel yelled.

            Alix grabbed Nathaniel’s coat and pulled him up to her face. “You fucking bastard! What did you do?”

            “I don’t see why you’re yelling at me. That fraud toyed with my feelings with his stupid scribbles. Then has the gall to want to work on my comic with me.”

            “That’s not true. Marinette said she’d help me, but I didn’t want to do this because of this exact reason. Everything is ruined now,” the guy said.

            Alix’s temper wavered seeing the guy’s distress before it ignited again as she glared down at Nathaniel. “You are nothing more than an arrogant little fucking bitch. You are the fraud here, not that poor boy. I think you need to cool the fuck down, bitch!”

            Ivan, Mylene, and Rose yelled out for Alix to stop, but she ignored them. She grabbed Nathaniel’s arm and threw him over her into the fountain, soaking him to the bone in the freezing air. Mylene and Rose stepped between Alix and Nathaniel while Ivan helped him out. Marinette came running to help Nathaniel.

            Alix took several deep breaths as she glared at Nathaniel. Memories resurfaced and mingled with the present as she saw Nathaniel as she once saw Chloe, beaten, bloody, and battered. Her rage shifted to terror as tears fell from her eyes, her heartbeat quickened, and her breathing came in short, rapid gasps. She turned and ran away. She heard them call her, but she ignored them. It happened again. She told herself she wouldn’t let it happen again, and she did. She had to get away to keep the others safe from the monster that refused to be caught.

~~

            Adrien arrived home and headed up to his room as he got a call from Rose. He raised a brow and answered it.

            “Hey, Rose, what’s up?”

            “Oh, Adrien! Thank goodness. Alix is missing! Something happened, she got mad, and then she ran off and we don’t know where she is!”

            Adrien’s eyes widened as he heard yelling in the background between multiple parties. He opened his mouth when he heard screams tearing through the air.

            “Rose? What’s going on?” Adrien demanded.

            “There’s a pair of-!”

            The line cut off.

            “That’s no good. Plagg, Stompp, we have to go. Plagg, claws out!”

            Plagg disappeared into the ring and transformed Adrien. Chat Noir jumped out the window and searched the city for the villains when he came across a guy in a black and white outfit riding a personal paper airplane.

            “Who are you?”

            “I’m Reverser. You’re a strong, fearless hero, but not for long.”

            Chat Noir’s eyes widened as Reverser summoned a small, black paper airplane. He readied to attack it when a green shield came in and destroyed it.

            “What the-?” Reverser yelled.

            The green shield rebounded and knocked Reverser off his ride. Chat Noir beamed when he saw Carapace.

            “Perfect timing, dude!” Chat Noir yelled.

            “Always, my dude. Where’s his Akuma?”

            Chat Noir looked down at Reverser’s ride. He grabbed and broke it, releasing the Akuma. He activated Cataclysm and destroyed the Akuma.

            “Carapace, can you bring the boy that Reverser was. I believe him to be one of a set of Akumas.”

            “Uh, I can, but I need to help some dudettes out first. One of their friends ran away and they can’t find her.”

            “Is it Alix?”

            “Yeah. How’d you know?”

            “Because that’s part of why I’m out here. It was also in response to the Akumas.”

            “Heard. Well, let’s look together.”

            “I actually know where she’d be.”

            “What? Then lead the way. Let’s go.”

            “Give me a minute. I need to recharge.”

            “Oh. Right. Go on, dude. I got the Reverser boy. Just don’t take too long.”

            “Don’t worry, I didn’t plan on it.”

~~

            Alix lay curled up on the freezing ground of her mother’s grave. Tears froze to her face and sealed her eyes closed. Tikki and Ziggy tried to get rid of the ice, but she swiped them away.

            “Alix, please, you need to get home, or transform. You’ll die in the cold,” Tikki squeaked.

            “I don’t care,” Alix muttered.

            “What? What did you say?” Tikki gasped.

            “I. Don’t. Care. I lost it again. I hurt someone again. The monster came back out and retreated before I could stop it. All because I am that monster.”

            “That’s not true. You were caught in a moment of passion. You defended that poor writer from that awful red-haired boy. You weren’t a monster. You were a hero.”

            “But a hero doesn’t hurt people. A monster hurts people. And you can’t say if it’s for a good cause, then it doesn’t matter. The means never justify the ends. And in the end, I was a monster.”

            “I stand by what I said, that’s not true. You are a passionate person, and passion burns bright. Sometimes too bright, yeah, but bright nonetheless. You did the right thing.”

            “No, I didn’t, and nothing will change that.”

            “But-!” Tikki started.

            “Just go. Leave me alone.”

            Tikki and Ziggy exchanged glances before they crawled into Alix’s hood.

            “We’re not going anywhere,” Ziggy stated.

            “That’s right. We’re here and you can’t get rid of us,” Tikki said.

            Alix opened her mouth, but let out a choked gasp when Evillustrator grabbed her and thrust her up.

            “There you are. I’ve been looking for you, Alix,” Evillustrator hissed.

            “Nathaniel?”

            “Not anymore. Evillustrator is back, and I’m here to make you pay for your insults.”

            Alix’s breath caught. Evillustrator’s threat struck her but filled her with sickening hope. Bile rose to her throat as the promise of seeing her mother crossed her mind. She tried to fight it off, to live, but the desire consumed her. She let her body go limp as she stopped fighting him.

            “Make me pay,” Alix begged.

            “Oh, I will, but only in a way fitting a monster like you.”

            Evillustrator threw Alix over his shoulder and headed back to Place des Vosages. He scared off the people in the park as he erased it and replaced it with a giant fountain.

            “Let’s see how much you like being plunged into ice cold water in the middle of winter.”

            Evillustrator threw Alix into the bone-chilling waters. Alix’s body seized up as the cold shocked her entire system. She stared blankly up at the dim winter sun as she lost the feeling in her entire body. Darkness closed in around as the water vanished and she felt herself on solid ground. She saw the figures of Chat Noir, Gallic Chick, Porcelet, and Carapace. They yelled at each other until an Akuma slipped by them and into Alix’s wristwatch. Their yells were drowned up and replaced with the voice of Hawkmoth.

            “Timebreaker, I am Hawkmoth. You face death, but it need not be like this. You can reset everything back to the moment with your mother. You can save her and see her once again. All I ask in return is Bloody Bug and Chat Noir’s miraculous.”

            Alix spurted and coughed. “I don’t… need you. I’ll see my mom soon… in death.”

            “What? You can’t-!”

            “I’ll see… I’ll see her soon. Good-bye, little butterfly.”

            Alix let out a gasp and her body went still.

            Alix opened her eyes to a dark road with little light. She roamed around it until a blinding light shone brightly. She shielded her eyes and blinked against it. It faded as her mother’s spirit stood across from her.

            “Mom!” Alix called.

            Alix ran down the road to her mother, but slowed when she neared her. A lump caught up in her seeing the disappointment and sorrow in her mother’s face.

            “I’m here. We’re together. Everything is as it should be.”

            Alix’s mother shed an ethereal tear as she looked away.

            “Wait, please! I miss you. I need you. Please, don’t leave me!”

            Alix’s mother ignored Alix’s pleas, walked into the darkness, and vanished.

            Alix cried out and reached for where her mother’s spirit once stood. She was stopped as she heard the crow of a rooster. She turned as a majestic, fiery rooster wrapped its wings around her and pulled her back to the world of the living.

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[mecchantheotaku]

I don't know what to do with myself

It feels like no matter what I do and no matter where I go I'm never going to get better.

Even when I distract myself the smallest thing can send me back into this spiral.

And when I try to focus on my mental health I feel like it's wrong for me to do so.

There are others suffering worse than I am after all.

But when I think about that, it makes me feel even worse and more hopeless.

Maybe I shouldn't exist anymore.

Maybe I should just die.

I don't even know.

I don't know what to do, and it feels like I'm never going to get any answers.

It feels unfair, and I feel selfish for thinking that.

[phlurrii]

Kind of maybe dark, did Meau maybe, grow tired of being alone? The aches and pains of giving away so much dna and the fighting and such causing too much pain that Meau thought maybe it was her time to go? Like sorry horrid ideas but did she kind of lie down somewhere to prepare to die because honestly being alone on that planet must be awful especially for so long yes other pokemon but her brothers are elsewhere ect idk if she can truly connect with other pokemon in a similar meaningful way especially with shorter lifespans but because she was still needed Noe was summoned to help give her a reason to go on and because the world still needed an ancient mew so if Meau left the game so to speak itd cause big problems? Hence her doing something that caused Noe

;> the sad part is there’s only a couple things this post got wrong, the rest is dead on. Putting a read more since this can be sensitive to some ^^

Meau did indeed grow tired of being alone, the only beings that could match her life span were either very young themselves, had jobs to fulfill to allow the world to turn, or simply wanted to live their own lives away from their creator. Meau would adopt many children as I’ve mentioned, she raised them to adulthood, watched them make their own family, as well as watch them and their descendants die. While she loved this process, it was also the most painful for her as her children were only ever a blink in her life time.

Furthermore, she couldn’t simply create herself a friend, imagine existing for the sole purpose of keeping someone else happy or being their friend? They made you, they made your for one purpose, and thus there will always be a power imbalance. The inability for that friend to have and live their own life or make their own decisions about themself and what they want without it having to include Meau would be toxic and unhealthy. Nor could she make the “perfect” friend because then there’s no autonomy and what’s the point of having another person in your life if they have no self outside of you? It’s a paradox and not a healthy one.

So by the time she’d successfully created a functioning world full of life, she had nothing more to do then sustain it and maybe make some more… it was a cycle. The loneliness grew into depression, which grew more and more severe until she did something that, accidentally, summoned Missingno. early. It was a pure coincidence that Noe even appeared, but there was finally another being of the same mental age and life span she didn’t make and she could talk too.

With context concluded, what you got right is Meau was in a very dark and lonely place, while she never attempted to die, she certainly had the thoughts despite ignoring them. As well as very, very, very bad things happened when an Ancient Mew dies without a successor. What you missed was Noe wasn’t summoned because she was sad, but rather something she did that the depression pushed her too.

Good job on this question, you almost nailed it ;3

[serenitypoetry]

i am

i am an empty plastic box,

a crucial part of a design.

i am a drop of paint on canvas

that was meant to be left white.

i am a dying branch of coral

in a dying coral reef.

i am a living, breathing, single-celled

abomination freak.

i am the product of a poet's

several days of unpaid work.

i am a suicidal remnant of

the times i tried to hurt.

i am a writhing, half-dead bug

on an unfinished block of wood.

i am a horrid little blemish on

a floor otherwise good.

i am forgotten in the corner

of a shelf been painted over.

i am a rock inside the shoe

of whoever launched the rover.

i am a single grain of sand

among the sand that lines the beach.

i am the villain of the object

lesson that you always preach.

i am a fish that has been caught

inside a big, torrential storm.

i am a freezing alley cat

and i am begging to be warm.

i am horrid and disgusting,

and my worth i will deny.

i am positively ugly

and my scars i'll look to hide.

i am the ghost of all the things

that i can say i used to be.

i am grown up into the silhouette

of what i used to need.

i'm a forgotten line of code

that, when removed, breaks everything.

i am a dying NICU patient

who's forgotten how to breathe.

i am looking to the future

and i'm hiding from the past.

i am a modern electronic

and i wasn't built to last.

i am everything i say that

i've forgotten i could be.

i am nothing in this poem,

i am resolutely me.

[surelynotapornbot]

I was gonna kill myself but then I ate an omelete and holy shit idk why that helped. Hank is back

[re-ikrmso]

hey look its my rampant procrastionation i sure hope i learn from my past mistakes and not-

me asf rn:

okay but funny thing i actually couldve liked. procrastonated and still gotten a decent job done. now im getting an automatic 25% deduction off because its late by fucking 4 minutes. goodbye like possible low 80s. hello 60s for a class i should be easily passing. fuck. my IB draft is coming up too. im barely staying afloat. everytime i work i get literally too anxious. i quite literally stop thinking and processing