#and then! they went and cancelled the best show that has ever graced their stupid ass channel with its existence

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

Me when I finally catch up to the final episodes of the Owl House and Hunter doesn't get to cry, scream, sob, throw up, go feral, get angry, kill his abuser, have a mental breakdown, grieve his old life, the years he spent serving Belos, the only family he has ever known, he doesn't lose an eye, he doesn't almost lose flapjack and he doesn't learn about the fact that his own uncle (brother) has been killing him again and again for the past four hundred years:

[hajimesh]

i’m alone now but it’s better for me, i don’t need all your negativity.

— losers in love m.list

+ pairing. kuroo t. / fem reader

+ genre. angst

+ word c. 1701

+ warnings. cheating, toxic relationships, kuroo is an asshole

+ author n. a big thank u to @bokuakadaily and @aomineavenue for beta reading it<33

the familiar heaviness presses down onto your chest.

you already lost count of how many times you’ve gone through this ever since you started dating him.

kuroo is talking with a girl —who’s obviously flirting with him since she keeps leaning closer and smiling playfully at him. 

“tetsurou-kun, your blocks are amazing!”

his smirk widens, clearly enjoying the ego boost.

it hurts to see him flirt so openly while you stand a few meters away from him, his teammates right next to you watching the scene as well.

you watch as his hand grasps a strand of the girl’s hair, her giggles making your blood boil, but it’s the way he kisses her cheek —slowly and then whispering something in her ear— that finally stabs the knife into your already wounded heart.

are you surprised you haven’t started crying yet? not at all. that’s a ritual reserved exclusively for the comfort of your room. 

they finally bid their goodbyes, kuroo jogging the small distance until he joins your small group. he speaks with his friends for a bit until you can no longer take it and pull him aside.

“that girl, she was flirting with you,” you state, observing him closely so you can gauge his reaction, “and you played along with it.”

his face morphs into a scowl, “i was being friendly.”

“well, don’t be friendly with her.”

a mirthless laugh escapes his lips, “kitten, you won’t tell me who i can or can’t talk to.”

your entire body freezes, letting his words sink in and tear at your heart. you reflexively look to the side, only to realize his words were loud enough for his teammates to hear.

their uncomfortable and pitying looks make you want to dig a hole and disappear.

you have to get out of there and that’s what you do, “i-i should get going.”

kuroo doesn’t pay much attention, nodding his head and turning his back to you and facing his friends again.

you start your way home with tears gathering at the corners of your eyes.

—

the ice in your coffee has melted, giving it a bad taste.

you had foolishly decided to wait until kuroo arrived to start drinking your beverage. but forty minutes later and he still hasn’t shown up.

you tried calling him after waiting for twenty minutes: the first time it rang for a minute, the second time you were sent straight to voicemail. you have kind of grown used to it, it’s not unusual of him to stand you up, although it doesn’t make it any less painful.

trying to pass the time, you check your unopened texts and find one from kenma asking you about the controller he lent you a few weeks ago. you quickly type an apology and press send.

your phone vibrates on the table two minutes later and, expecting a text or a call from kuroo, you pick it up eagerly. 

kenma: it’s fine. kuroo brought it earlier

you: do you know where he is?

kenma: he’s here with me

it doesn’t take long for kenma to realize kuroo was supposed to be with you instead.

he casts a glance at his friend who lies unbothered on his couch, his feet dangling to the side while he plays with his phone.

kenma doesn’t understand him. at the beginning of your relationship he was always clinging onto you, and now it’s as if he doesn’t want to spend time with you anymore.

and don’t get him started with kuroo’s harsh words from the other day.

“get up,” kenma kicks his foot to get his attention, “i forgot i had to buy something for my mom.”

luckily, kenma remembers you mentioning something about wanting to go to the coffee shop and kuroo agreeing to it.

kenma pretends he didn’t hear him say ‘shit’ once he spotted you sitting all by yourself, scrolling on your phone.

kuroo makes his way towards you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders which causes you to jump on your seat.

“hi, kitten,” he purrs in your ear and kisses your cheek.

you become a blushing mess but a relieved smile graces your face once your boyfriend takes the seat next to you.

kenma doesn’t understand your relationship, but he does know that that’s not how it’s supposed to be.

—

can we meet? 

you lock your phone after sending the text. you know it’s going to be hours before you get a reply from him.

and you’re right because it’s now two hours later and there’s still no sign of him.

you debate between sending another text or wait until you see him at school. but after murmuring ‘fuck it’, you press send and throw your phone to your bed.

i wanted to do this in person but i think we should break up. you go over your words in your head, regretting them already. 

as you reach back for your phone, you see the screen light up with kuroo’s name displayed on it.

after taking a deep breath, you grab it and press the answer button.

“yes?”

“care to explain that text?” 

sighing, you allow yourself to flump on your bed, “tetsurou, i can tell your feelings have changed.”

“that’s not true.”

“it is. you’re always flirting with other girls.” 

he scoffs, “i can’t just shove them away, they take the time to watch my games.”

“okay,” you let it go and jump to the other topic that bothers you, “what about our dates? you either stand me up or cancel at the last minute.”

“because i’ve got stuff to do!”

the line goes silent.

it seems as if he has an excuse for everything… or is he simply telling the truth?

“i’ll make it up to you, okay?” his tone has softened considerably, “i’ll drop by your house later and we can watch that show you wanted.”

you hesitate, the offer sounds tempting but something is holding you back from accepting it.

“kitten?”

the way he coos the nickname goes straight to your heart, and that’s all it takes for him to win you back.

“mhm, i’ll order a pizza then?”

“you know you’re the best, right?”

you hang up after setting up the details, a stupid smile tugging the corners of your lips upwards.

yes, your plan might have failed, but you’re finally spending time with your boyfriend.

—

another failed date.

kuroo was supposed to pick you up from your home and he either forgot about it or deliberately chose to stand you up.

the disappointed looks from your mother are the last straw. you have made up your mind and —as terrified as you are— your eyes have finally opened to the cruel reality: kuroo tetsurou is not the love of your life.

as much as you want him to be, he wouldn’t be treating you like he does if that were the case. you can’t keep living in a fantasy where he’ll suddenly go back to how he was during your first three months together.

before you confront him at his house, you take a quick detour to your favorite spot. it’s a park you always went to as a kid and now you go whenever you feel suffocated or need to think things through.

the park has a nice pond with a bridge over it, so you take the time to walk on it, your fingers gliding over the worn-out metal railing. you take note of the little ducks swimming in it and how lovely the petals look floating on the water.

you have never been one of those people who easily recognize others from afar —your sight barely allows you to look two meters ahead of you— but your eyes are drawn to a tall figure standing under a tree. it looks familiar, but you have to take a few more steps in their direction so you can put a face on it. 

the universe must really want you to open your eyes, giving you a push and showing you your boyfriend making out with another girl.

you almost feel jealous, wondering how would it feel to have him kiss you with such desire. to have his large hands running over your waist and his breath brushing against your lips.

instead, you find yourself disgusted at how easily he can ignore your relationship and do this behind your back, like a coward.

kuroo’s eyes open right as you walk towards them and he curses, shoving the girl away and running his fingers through his hair nonchalantly.

“h-hey, kitten! what are y–”

“we’re done.”

he blinks, not sure if he heard you correctly. though the hostility coming off of you tells him that wasn’t the case.

“c’mon,” he smiles but it falters at the last second, “we’ve gone through this before.”

the way your brows scrunch up and your eyes look fleetingly at the ashamed girl next to him, cause an unsettling feeling to sit on the pit of his stomach.

“i’ll change,” he smiles refreshingly but the way his eyes dart from your face to the space behind you, never making direct contact with your own, betray his tone.

“no, you won’t,” you say curtly and sigh, your posture visibly deflates as if a huge weight has been suddenly placed over you, “tetsu, i’m tired.”

upon hearing the defeat in your tone, his throat knots painfully. he notices how you do look tired, your eyes don’t sparkle as they used to when you saw his face, and your lips are drawn downwards.

kuroo doesn’t remember the last time he saw you smile. he can’t even remember the sound of your laugh but he knows it used to make his heart flutter.

you look drained, and it’s all his fault.

“one more chance,” he pleads, his tone unusually anxious, “kitten, just one. i swear i’ll treat you like you deserve.”

he takes a step forward, trying to get a hold of your hands but you involuntarily move away.

“it’s over.”

your figure backs away until he can no longer see you, never turning to look back at him, not even once.

and that’s how kuroo tetsurou experienced his first heartbreak, caused by no other but himself.

[sevlgi]

selfish

requested: yes

group: blackpink

pairing: rosé x fem!reader

genre: angst

contents: idol!rosé, no happy ending

warnings: self-deprecation, possibly triggering insults

synopsis: As Rosé gains more and more fame, maybe she starts to lose sight of what’s important. Is it selfish that she still wants to hold on?

a/n: it’s pride month!!!! 🌈🌈 i know you requested for a happy ending, but I couldn’t find a way to fit it in, but I hope you enjoy

word count: 3.1k

Chaeyoung hasn’t been home in a while.

You know she doesn’t officially live with you- she shares a dorm with her members, a dorm in which she’s expected to live in- but ever since you started dating, Chaeyoung spent more and more time in your apartment, so much so that she has mentioned several times that it feels like home to her.

The apartment really just represents your mind. It doesn’t belong to her, no, but half the things inside are about her; most of the pictures inside are of the two of you, and you can’t recall which of the clothes draped over chairs and hung on hangers are actually yours. Even when she isn’t there, you see her everywhere, in memories or picture frames alike.

But she hasn’t been home in so long. Your communication mostly consists of short, curt texts or cut-off phone calls; honestly, she talks to her producer more than she talks to you.

It feels odd to have the entire bed to yourself again, after you’ve shared it with her so many nights. You have an entire bottle of the shampoo that she prefers, just because she visits so often, and you find yourself using it just because you miss the smell of her.

She’s rescheduled or completely cancelled all of your dates, saying she’s busy and leaving you to watch the Vlive that takes priority over you. 

You knew it wasn’t going to be easy to date an idol, but Chaeyoung was such an incredible girlfriend at the beginning. Sure, she missed dates occasionally, but even you do sometimes because of work. Chaeyoung always made time for you and made you feel important and loved, but recently, you feel like an abandoned side project.

She’s visiting tonight, but you don’t know why- you hope it’s for an impromptu date, so you prepare her favorite foods, enough to feed an army. You wear a little bit of makeup and you do your hair, glancing at the clock every so often with a bubbly, giddy feeling in your stomach. Why shouldn’t you be excited? You’re seeing your girlfriend again, after weeks!

Chaeyoung arrives 45 minutes later than she said she would, but you don’t mind. You open the door with the biggest smile on your face, only to find her telling her manager she won’t be long. “Hey, baby,” she smiles and breezes past you into the apartment. “Wow, that’s a lot of food. Are you expecting someone?”

You feel like you’re about to cry as she starts rifling through the pile of her clothes that you neatly folded and reserved a corner of the couch for. “Um, I thought you were visiting me? For dinner?”

“Ah, I can’t tonight,” she apologizes. At least, it sounds like she’s apologizing. “I have an award show, I just needed to grab this.” She waves around a blouse, one that you remember she accidentally left at your place after a performance. “Thanks, jagi, I promise we can have a date sometime soon.”

With that, she’s gone, and you’re left staring at the closed door, feeling stupid in your jeans and styled hair, with half-melted candles still flickering on the dinner table and the food already cold.

On Jennie’s birthday a few days later, the members invite you to come over and have cake with them. You’re incredibly grateful to Lisa for extending the invitation- the maknae is close with Chaeyoung and knows that you haven’t seen each other in a while.

“Hey, Y/N!” she exclaims as she opens the door, giving you a short hug. Jisoo waves at you from over Lisa’s shoulder, and Jennie shouts a greeting at you from inside her room. “It’s so good to see you.”

You smile warmly at her, placing the present you bought for Jennie on the table. It’s nothing special, just some cute things you got for her last time you went overseas. “You too, Lisa. Do you know where Chaeng is?”

Jisoo exchanges a look with Jennie as the younger girl comes out of her room. You can’t read their expressions; you never were very close with either of them. “Ah, she went out to pick up some more food,” Jennie says finally, giving you a quick smile and patting the chair next to her. “She’ll be back in a few minutes, she just texted me.”

“Okay,” you smile, sitting. It’s unmistakable that something’s wrong- honestly, the first clue was that Chaeyoung wasn’t the one to invite you over. “Have you talked to your family yet, Jennie?”

You let Jennie start talking, thankful for the fact that she understands that you just want to wait for your girlfriend. Jisoo decides that you’ll wait for the blonde to come back before you start having cake, so you just sit and listen to the members talk.

Suddenly, you’re interrupted by a crashing sound. All four of you stop talking and look towards the entrance, where Chaeyoung stands amidst a group of dropped grocery bags. “Yah, Chaeyoung, who let you drop the bags?” Jisoo jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood.

It’s obvious that Chaeyoung doesn’t want to see you; her eyes are fixed on you and her expression is halfway between shocked and angry. She doesn’t make a move to pick up the bags, and the smile on your face drops. “What’re you doing here?”

Lisa cuts in, “I invited her. You haven’t seen her in a while, I thought it would be nice for Y/N to celebrate Jennie’s birthday with us. Is something wrong?”

Chaeyoung smiles, but it looks forced, and you can all tell. “No, nothing’s wrong.”

You decide to speak up; the atmosphere has never been quite so awkward with the five of you together in a room before. “I can leave, if you want? You’ve just been so busy, and I wanted to see you...”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy,” Chaeyoung snaps at you. “Being an idol is hard work, you know?”

“I... yes, I know,” you answer, taken aback; even in the few fights the two of you had before, Chaeyoung was never so hostile. “I just missed you...”

The blonde stalks closer to you, and the anger is palpable in her expression now. “No, you don’t know. It’s hard to have your life out there and so much to do, I just don’t have time for you sometimes! So stop being so selfish!”

Everyone looks shocked, and you can feel your tears just begging to pour out, but you try your best to keep your voice steady. “I’m not being selfish, Chaeng. I’ve been patient, right? I don’t force you to come and see me...”

Your girlfriend rolls her eyes. “Come on, don’t you think I know that you were trying to guilt me into staying by making dinner? I have a life, you know.”

“I made dinner because I thought you wanted to see me!” Your heart feels like it’s ramming into your ribcage over and over again, filling your head with pounding. “I thought you were going to stay.”

Chaeyoung almost snarls now. “Why would I? I have better things to do than have dinner with you, you know. It’s a waste of time.”

Jisoo tries to intervene now, saying pleadingly, “Chaeng, that’s not fair...”

You shake your head quickly, dabbing at your eyes with your sleeve. “It’s fine, Jisoo. I shouldn’t have come. Jennie, happy birthday, it was nice to see all of you.” You do your best to exit with grace, but you can’t help the hot tears pouring down your face when your girlfriend doesn’t even make an effort to ask you to stay.

Lisa calls out after you, “Y/N, wait!” But you’ve already run too far down the hall to hear her.

All the members stare at Chaeyoung. “Chaeng, why...?” Jennie starts, looking confused. “Why would you say that to her?”

Chaeyoung frowns, “She intruded on our celebration. I didn’t invite her, but she still came here to find me.”

“I invited her,” Lisa interjects now. The maknae looks the most confused out of all the members; she remembers all the times you and Chaeyoung were so lovey-dovey together that she could’ve thrown up, and now there seems to be miles between the two of you. “I asked her to come, I thought you wanted to see her.”

The blonde hesitates. “Wait, you invited her?” At her best friends’ nods, she pauses in her anger. “Oh. I thought she crashed Jennie’s birthday just to find me.”

Jisoo sighs, “Even if she did that, we wouldn’t be mad. She’s your girlfriend, it’s natural for her to miss you. You shouldn’t have said all that to her just because you’re stressed.”

Chaeyoung attempts a careless shrug and sits down next to her members. “Maybe not. But I don’t have time for her drama right now.”

“Drama?” Jennie asks, eyes narrowing a bit. “Y/N wasn’t even willing to come at first. When we invited her, she didn’t think you would want to see her, but Lisa begged her to come. You haven’t seen her for weeks, you don’t think she misses you?”

Crossing her arms, the maknae scowls, “Yeah, do you know how much I had to beg her? She knew this would happen, and that’s why she didn’t want to come.”

The blonde looks between her friends, then looks to Jisoo, the last peaceful one at the table. “I... I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Jisoo sighs. “But even if you didn’t know, even if we didn’t invite her, you never should have called her selfish or a waste of time.”

Hearing her own words coming from her unnie feels like a direct hit to the face and Chaeyoung snaps out of it. True, she has been incredibly busy and stressed the past couple of weeks, but how could she say that to you, her girlfriend? She suddenly remembers all the dishes you had prepared for her a few days ago, dishes that you let go cold as you waited.

She remembers how all the clothes she left at your house were laundered and neatly folded when she went to pick them up, how all the cosmetics and things she left behind were so lovingly placed and cared for. And she called you a waste of time. “Oh... oh my god,” she exhales, tears pricking at her eyes as she puts her face in her hands. “I...”

Lisa still looks a bit angry, but Jennie places her hand on the younger girl’s back, rubbing lightly. “Chaeng... You need to find her. We’ll wait for you.”

“Are you sure?” Chaeyoung asks, lifting her head. At her members’ nods and comforting smiles, she stands up. “Okay. I can fix this.”

“Y/N?” she shouts, bolting out of the dorm and into the street. Some people turn around to look at her, but none of the faces are the one she’s looking for. “Have you seen Y/N? She’s about this tall, pretty, dressed in a dark coat...”

When everyone she talks to shakes their heads, Chaeyoung starts running to your apartment. As the bitter wind whips across her cheeks and tosses her hair, Chaeyoung remembers how many times she had run to you after a disastrous music show or a sasaeng attack. She remembers all the times she escaped in the middle of the night just to see you, to kiss you. 

As she runs, tears start falling, even as she furiously wipes them away. All of a sudden, she’s at your door, hesitating when her fist is just a few inches away from the door. She can hear sniffling, sobbing, and her heart aches to think that it’s because of her.

You never cried in front of her; you were always the one who gave her a shoulder to cry on, an embrace at her worst times. Now, Chaeyoung stands outside your door, able to hear your heart-wrenching sobs loud and clear.

Part of her wonders what would happen if she knocks, if she lets herself inside and kisses you. But Chaeyoung is too much of a coward, and she turns around and walks away, silent tears pouring down her face and your cries echoing in her head.

Chaengggg [6:11]    jagi, I’m so sorry

Chaengggg [6:12]    Y/N, please

Chaengggg [6:12]    I should never have said that, please forgive me

Chaengggg [6:15]     baby?

read at 6:15 pm

“Chaeng? Yah, Chaeyoung!”

The blonde almost jumps when she hears Lisa calling her. The maknae looks impatient, standing in the next aisle of the supermarket, waiting for Chaeyoung to catch up. Lisa has been more and more irritable with her unnie recently, despite the older girls’ attempts to soothe her. “Pay attention, please!”

“Sorry,” the blonde mumbles, jogging to catch up with the other girls. 

“Is it Y/N?” Jennie asks, putting her hands on her hips. “Look, Chaeng, I know you’re worried because she wasn’t home, but you need to focus. For the Blinks.”

For the Blinks. Of course Chaeyoung loved her fans- they were the reason she was so successful and famous, the reason she could keep pursuing her dream. But what was all that worth without love?

Before, Chaeyoung prioritized her career over everything, and when she met you, she wasn’t sure if she would have time for a relationship. But she loved you so much, it would have been worth it to lose her career if she could be with you forever.

Something changed a few weeks ago, and even Chaeyoung wasn’t sure what it was. She changed enough to ignore you for weeks on end, to cancel an anniversary date because of a last-minute meeting with her producer. When she thought back, she was ashamed of how she had acted towards you. She treated your caring reminders to have dinner as you being selfish and rushing her to come home, and she didn’t notice everything you did for her.

You haven’t responded to her texts. She realizes how hard it was to be respectful, to not spam you with texts asking you to respond or talk to her, and suddenly, Chaeyoung realizes just how much damage she had unconsciously inflicted on you. “Chaeng, how about I go with you to get some ice cream?” Jisoo offers. “Lisa and Jennie can go and finish off the list.”

With that, Jisoo links her arm with the blonde and sets off. It’s smart of the older girl to distract Chaeyoung with food and keep her away from Lisa and Jennie, both of whom don’t seem to agree with the blonde recently.

Suddenly, Chaeyoung stops in her tracks, locking eyes with you as you stand a few feet away. You look terrible, and Chaeyoung can’t believe she couldn’t see your panda eyes and drawn face before. “Hi, Jisoo, Rosé,” you greet them. It hurts to not hear you call her ‘Chaeng’ or ‘Chaeyoung’ or one of the pet names she has.

“Y/N,” Chaeyoung breathes out, stepping closer to you. Jisoo lets go of her and goes off to look at ice cream, but the blonde doesn’t notice. “You... you look tired.”

“Do I?” you laugh, rubbing at your eyes as if that’ll make your dark circles go away. “I swear I put on concealer before I left the house.”

Humor. That was always your fallback whenever you were angry, or sad, or anything, really. “Baby...”

You shake your head. “Ch- Rosé, don’t call me that. Please.”

“I’m sorry,” the blonde begs, voice starting to shake. “Please, Y/N, I’m so sorry, I haven’t been able to focus, I’m so worried. I... I want to fix this. Us.”

“Was there ever really an us?” you ask, and your voice sounds so, so bitter. It matches your wan face. “I thought I was just a waste of time.”

Chaeyoung feels like you’ve just slapped her in the face by throwing her words back at her. “No! No, please, jagi, you’re not a waste of time. You’re... I love you, okay? I’ve always loved you, even if I was so rude to you. Please, I’ll do anything.”

“Tell me, Rosé, what have you done?” Your expression isn’t angry like Chaeyoung expected it would be- instead, you just look tired, heavy, bitter. You look so much older than she remembered you did when you laughed with her and kissed her, when she still made time for you. “I was always the one who put in the work. Wouldn’t asking me to forgive you be selfish now?”

Selfish.

She told you you were selfish when you just wanted to see her, when all you did was care for her and love her. And now, Chaeyoung can’t blame you for saying the same thing to her, not when you’re right that she was never the one who put in the work. “I’m sorry, but I can’t handle this, being tossed around like one of your toys,” you continue. “I still love you. But you need to think about whether you really love me or not, don’t be selfish and hold onto me just because you’ll miss the way we used to be.”

Chaeyoung can’t stop the tears now, even as she holds her hands up to her face to stifle her sobs. You’re right- asking you to stay now, asking you to go back to being the only one trying in the relationship, would be selfish. And it’s selfish that Chaeyoung clasps on your hand in an attempt to get you to stay, but she can’t help it.

“I’m sorry,” she sobs, words broken by her tears and the empty look in your eyes. “You were never selfish, it’s all my fault. I’m the selfish one. But please, please give me another chance.”

It feels like she’s letting go of her life when your hand slips out from between her fingers, the warmth of them lingering like a long-gone memory as you go.

She collapses, picked back up by the strong hands of her members, but she can’t help but feel empty too, like you took her heart with you when you walked away, a fragile glass ornament in your hands.

Chaeyoung thinks her heart is cracking right in half, but she realizes that your heart had long since shattered in her hands too. She feels like she’s bleeding as she watches you disappear, cut and pricked by the tiny, stabbing shards of your long-shattered heart.

But even if she bleeds to death, she’ll keep holding those shards as tightly as she can. Because it’s all she has left.

Is it selfish to want to hold on to what used to be?

[axther]

the devil’s train

bakugou x reader x oc: the devil’s train (yandere) in which Bakugou and Gil, the reader’s best friends, show that they care for her far more than as a friend. for @tspice283​ tw blood, fighting, stalking, general yandere behaviour

YN LN led a very uneventful life.

She went to U.A. and had several close friends. She was told she had a bright future when it came to her hero career and was often described as friendly. She was relatively confident in herself and knew how to fight.  But she wasn’t ready for this. 

Before her were her two best friends; Bakugou Katsuki and Gil Keating. It was dark out, dark and cold in an unfamiliar place. They were growling and barking like dogs, clawing at each other with blood on their hands. YN was lost, horribly and terribly lost in her mind and on the pavement. There was blood everywhere, splattering against the wall and on the ground. They were drooling like madmen, disgusting, revolting, and making YN want to throw up. 

Ah...but maybe she should go back to the beginning.

YN always walked to school with Gil. 

It was something of a tradition. They were childhood friends, born in the same town and growing up with each other. Gil was tall, much taller than YN, with dark, green eyes that seemed to bear into YN’s very soul. His hair was white, snowy white, and YN wasn’t actually sure if it was natural. He was almost feminine, had it not been for his strong personality, it would’ve been easy to confuse him with a woman. He was a bit of a flirt to be honest, but YN didn’t mind. He was kind to her, and that was what mattered. Gil’s quirk was Stasis, temporarily stopping time. It was only for a few seconds at the moment, but he could do enough damage in sparring that even Aizawa recognised his efforts. To YN, he was pure fluff with a side of angst that she only ever saw when he fought others. On that day in particular, he was humming a song under his breath about some sort of strawberry snake, rocking on his heels while walking and being happier than usual. YN wasn’t sure why, but she certainly wasn’t going to question his good mood, considering he was usually quiet on their walks. “So!!” YN chirped, skipping a bit. “Do you wanna go somewhere after school, or something? It’s been a while since we’ve done something that’s just the two of us.”  Gil lit up, a bigger smile gracing his face as he leaned down and wrapped an arm around YN. “Of course! We could go to the arcade, or maybe to the mall, or that new boba tea shop that opened up! Oh! Or we could do all three! I’ll pay,” He winked, strangely giddy. “That sounds great, actually!” YN looked up at him, then back to the sidewalk with a happy flush. “Aww, you’re blushing!” Gil nuzzled the top of YN’s head in an intimate gesture, chuckling. “That’s so cute!” “Shush,” YN pouted, smacking his arm softly in an effort to stop him from mussing her hair. “Fine, fine.” Gil pulled away, but kept his arm over her shoulder. YN didn’t think much of it, realising that they were quickly approaching the school. She saw Ochako and Tsuyu both walking towards the door, and she broke from Gil's arm to rush towards them. Behind her, Gil's smile plummeted as he watched her leave. His eyes seemed to flash for a second, a dark colour that would send shivers down anyone’s spine. It was like an unreigned desire inside him that slowly spilled out until YN turned back to him. It disappeared almost instantly, another smile coming upon his face. “Hm? Is something the matter?”   “Nothing, nothing!” He waved a hand, still smiling brightly. YN hummed, shrugging her shoulders and walking through the doors with the other girls and leaving Gil to walk in by himself. His eyes darkened again, going blank and almost hollow as he shuffled along. YN didn’t notice how he became almost a shell behind her, chatting happily with Ochako and Tsuyu. Momo and Jirou soon caught up, talking about their weekend and filling the silence with pretty talk. “Hey, YN!” Ochako chirped, linking her elbow with YN’s and Momo’s. “We’ve got sparring again today! Who do you think you’re gonna be paired up with?” “Oh…” YN mused, placing her finger on her chin. “I’m not sure! Last week I had...Midoriya? So maybe I’ll get Bakugou this time.” At the mention of Bakugou, all the girls glanced over to see the blonde standing a few feet away. He was bright red and had just jumped like a spooked cat, hair spiking up and the flush on his face overtaking his neck and ears. YN tilted her head curiously, and the other girls laughed.  “What was that about, Bakugou!?” Ochako yelled over her laughter, holding her stomach. Momo and YN were the only ones nice enough to hold back their laughter, but even then, it was strained. “Shut the fuck up!” Bakugou barked, going from cat to dog and back to cat again, slinking away past the corner of the hall. The giggling died down, before Momo raised an eyebrow. “What was that about, really?” She murmured, looking almost concerned. “That was really strange.” “Maybe he’s just having an off day,” Ochako shrugged, linking arms proudly with YN and smiling. “Or maybe he has a crush! Ha! Imagine the day!”

  YN laughed too. But sometimes, foreshadowing is obvious.  The day passed quickly and quite uneventfully, with clouds crawling over the sky and slowly darkening. There were several times where rumours of multi-class sparring being cancelled, but Aizawa dispelled them and often told them that as heroes, they would have to work in the rain anyway. But he took mercy on them, and decided to start sparring early so they didn’t get soaked. He chalked it up to he himself not wanting to get wet, but everyone knew that he just wanted to make sure they didn’t get sick. When everyone filed out, Gil made a beeline to YN’s side with a big, sheepish smile. “Hi~” He trailed out, winking playfully. “I missed you! 1-B is boring without my bestie.” “You flatter me,” She smiled, rolling her eyes but letting him recline on her.  “It’s true! Tetsutetsu and all the others are cute and all, but you’re my number one.” “That’s cute.” “C’mon!! Don’t just brush me off!” “Alright.” Aizawa’s tone cut through their conversation, and for a second, Gil glowered at the teacher. Aizawa didn’t seem to notice, though, and let it go as he started listing pairs. Oddly enough, Bakugou wasn’t set with YN; instead, Tsuyu was saddled with him, and YN missed the way that Bakugou’s eyes trailed over her as he walked past. Aizawa instructed Gil and YN together, and Gil glanced down at her. “Ladies first.” YN walked past him, not replying but simply going into their designated row so they could spar, next to Bakugou and Tsuyu. Aizawa announced for them to begin, and slowly, the clouds gathered above them. YN assumed a more defensive stance after seeing Gil whale on his own classmates before, but strangely enough, he simply stood there with his hands in his pockets. “Dude,” YN hissed. “What are you doing? Hit me.” “Nah.” Gil took a hand out to check his nails, nonchalant. “What?!” YN was whispering, trying to not catch Aizawa’s attention, but felt confusion. “Why not?!” “Don’t wanna.” “That’s so stupid! C’mon! I can take it.” “I don’t want to hurt you.” “What?” YN lowered her fists, jaw dropping. “Are you serious? Why?” “Uh, it’s sort of self-explanatory.”   “No, it’s not!” As they bickered quietly, neither of them noticed Bakugou losing his attention from sparring, and looking at the two of them. He wasn’t even fighting Tsuyu anymore, just watching them with a deathly blank stare. It was like she didn’t even know he was there. Bakugou was a confusing creature. He was incredibly contradictory, saying one thing but meaning another. He tended to keep to himself, but wanted nothing more than to have friends and be loved. Who didn’t? What human could live without love? Oh. And speaking of love, he loved her. He first met YN LN when he was in kindergarten. She was gentle and sweet, but strong and not scared to talk back. Despite the fact that quirks were so….segmenting at such a young age, she seemed to pay no attention to it. She didn’t talk to many unless they spoke to her first, or if she had to. She kept to herself, politely. That was the first time he noticed her, and he supposed that’s where it all started. The second time, he had just gotten admitted into U.A. He recognised YN almost immediately, which was strange, considering he hadn’t seen her in over ten years. But it was like she hadn’t truly changed, just grew up with a certain grace about her. She had matured, and she was beautiful. He started deteriorating, in a word. Everything he did was in hopes of her seeing him, really seeing him for who he was. He knew he wasn’t perfect, but who else would be worthy of her? He had to be the greatest to ever come close, so he crushed everyone in his way to get there.  But then the fucking slimy, disgusting, filthy, destructive, sweaty, obscene, vile, vulgar, dirty man came along and dared sully YN’s lovely glow. Gil was, in many ways, like Bakugou. He aimed for the top, and stopped at nothing to get what he wanted. He was the one thing standing in his way for YN, and Bakugou would tolerate nothing in his way. He had come too far. He had done too much, watching YN walk home to keep her safe and taking her shirts from the line so he had some semblance of her in his room. Taking pictures so that way their kids can see her as she was, beautifully natural and unaware. Bakugou had boarded the devil’s train to love a long time ago. And he had no intention of getting off.

He had come so far. And here Gil was, refusing to fight YN. Out of what? Love? 

Something in Bakugou snapped. He rushed over to Gil, picking him by the collar and growling at the precipice of all his pent up, bubbling rage. His hand already started cramping from holding on so tight, fingers going red. “You-! You, you, you, you-!” Words escaped Bakugou in his pure rage. Thunder started rumbling across the class as everyone slowly stopped sparring and started watching Bakugou threaten a very nonplussed Gil. “Me. Yes. What do you want?” Gil raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms and letting Bakugou carry all of his weight. “You fucker! You know what you’re doing!” “Do I?” Gil smirked, and quite suddenly, Bakugou, really truly, realised that Gil knew what he was doing. He looked over to YN, who was in a mix of confusion and anger.  Bakugou felt the colour draining out of his face, realising that YN must’ve thought that he was flying off the handle for no reason. But how would he explain that the love of his life was being manipulated by some smooth-talking bastard? “Go on,” Gil grinned wolfishly. “Get mad. I dare you.” “You…” Bakugou was panting when the first drop of rain hit him, trickling down the back of his neck and into his shirt. Several students looked up, eyes wide as the rain slowly started coming down. Gil and Bakugou were in a stalemate, hanging onto whatever thread of disguise they had about YN. “Bakugou.” Aizawa’s voice was quiet, stern in the growing storm. “Let go of him.” Bakugou dropped Gil, throwing him into the ground. Gil just kept his shit-eating grin, and Bakugou soon realised why; YN rushed towards him, immediately fussing over him and prodding at his collar. Jealousy flushed through Bakugou, but what could he do? He had created this. He created this monster that stood between him and YN. Between him and euphoria. Bakugou was pulled away by Aizawa, who kept a strong grip on him despite Bakugou’s lack of resistance. He kept giving Gil a deadly glare, and Gil stared right on back.

It was war. 

Bakugou waited outside of 1-B once he got out of class.

Of course, he wasn’t sure if or when they would leave, but he knew that Gil was not going to just let the incident go. No, he knew that the evening was going to be a great equaliser. One man would walk away victorious, and the other would be left either licking his wounds, or dead. Bakugou was ready for whatever would happen, but to him, there was only one way the day was going to end; with him being the sole victor for YN’s heart. YN’s love. Bakugou sighed, a flush growing on his face at the thought of being YN’s boyfriend. He’d never let her go, of course, considering all he had done to get to the position he was in now. He would bite and spit and fight anything that got in his way. And the last obstacle was right in front of him. “Done with your little freakout, Kaachan?” Gil may have towered over Bakugou, but the smug look on his face made Bakugou’s gut crawl.  “I’m gonna beat your fuckin’ face in.” Bakugou snarled, gritting his teeth. “And I know you wanna smash mine in. C’mon. We’ll settle this.” “As you wish~” Gil teased, walking two steps behind Bakugou as they left the school and began walking down the ever-darkening streets. The rain had cleared for the moment, but the forecast said it’d come back within the hour. How strange. A final showdown between enemies in the rain and darkness. It felt almost divine. Bakugou turned down a dark alleyway, not wanting anyone to see the bloodbath. The last thing he needed was pictures or rumours surfacing once he was a hero, once it mattered. “So.” Gil stopped at the very edge of the path, hands in his pockets. “How do you want to settle this? Like a brute by fighting?” “Like men.” Bakugou turned, jumpy at any movement Gil made. Gil scoffed. “Perhaps we could go our separate ways and whoever gets YN to love him wins.”  “What? Scared?” Gil's eyes lowered in a glower, and Bakugou felt a shiver down his spine. The young man suddenly felt cold, calculating and not at all like YN’s childhood best friend. “No.” Gil never broke eye contact with Bakugou. “I know that in terms of quirks, yours is more violent and prone to harm than mine. But I could dodge you until you’re exhausted and run dry. It would be a constant back and forth that would achieve nothing.” “It might not. But at least you know your place.” Bakugou stuffed his hands in his pockets just like Gil, and it felt like a stalemate. “Are we gonna do this, or not?” “Fine.” Gil sighed, rolling his head back in a relenting manner. “Like dogs.” Bakugou pulled his hands out, his own nervous sweat already providing enough nitroglycerin to start the fight. Every cell in his body was on fire, elated at the fact that he could finally pummel Gil into a pulp and prove to YN that he was nothing but a manipulating bastard that wanted to sully her. “Finally-!” Bakugou growled, feeling as though he had already won as he rushed forward to strike Gil. “It’s over.” Before Bakugou could hit Gil, though, he disappeared, and Bakugou felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end at the feeling of someone behind him. A hand started reaching for the back of his neck, but Bakugou twisted around to swat at Gil's arm before he could attack. Gil disappeared again, and Bakugou realised that he was right; it would just be an endless back and forth before one of them got tired. But Bakugou was willing to take that risk. He had seen Gil's quirk in action before; it drained him quickly enough, given that they all sparred in ten-minute increments. Stasis was more of a technical quirk, and Bakugou could use that to his advantage.

He spun around, gritting his teeth and aiming for Gil's stupid face again and that shit-eating grin that haunted his dreams. There was another disappearance, another swing, and it was like a pendulum: where Bakugou swung, Gil would disappear. It was a dance, above all, and a lethal one. Bakugou saw Gil starting to wheeze, and spun his elbow back to sock him in the stomach. Gil barely dodged it, but not with his quirk, instead choosing to side-step, and Bakugou knew he had him on the ropes. It was a sweet victory on the tip of his tongue, and he was just about to make contact when-

“What the fuck is going on?” 

Both men froze when they heard that oh-so-beautiful voice, shock seeping into everyone’s system. The two turned slowly, seeing YN with a look of angry shock on her face. She had a clear umbrella, and the two realised that it had started raining again during their fight. “Uh.” Gil cleared his throat, glancing to the side then back again. “Hello.” “Answer me.” YN’s voice was stern and cold. “What the absolute fuck is going on?” “Nothing.” Both of them answered at once, snapping their arms to their sides in a desperate attempt to seem normal. “Just sparring, babe, it’s noth-” “Babe?” Bakugou felt the shock absolutely drain out of him and rage take its place. “Babe?!” “Ita, I know you’re lyin-” “So?” Gil cut YN off, eyes flashing again. “Do you have a problem?” “Yes! I do!” Bakugou yapped, feeling his hair go on end again. “Are either of you listening-oh my fucking god!” Bakugou didn’t hesitate to absolutely launch his fist into Gil's face for the most satisfying punch of his life. Gil's nose caved in and blood immediately started coming out, pooling onto the pavement. Gil took a second to register that he was even hit before he retaliated, slapping Bakugou’s arm away and promptly socking him in the stomach. YN let out a surprised yelp, dropping her umbrella in shock and getting knocked over by Bakugou trying to dodge another one of Gil's hits. They were fighting, resorting to biting and frothing at the mouth like rabid animals. Bakugou hadn’t felt this level of pure anger ever in his life, and killing seemed like such an easy task against Gil. YN was the only thing that kept him going, his last motivation to even live or succeed. He felt that if he didn’t prove himself, if he didn’t make Gil stand down, then it was for nothing. It didn’t matter that YN was trying to pry them off of each other, swearing bitterly in her confusion, or that Gil was bleeding profusely. Bakugou didn’t care that his hands were covered in Gil’s blood and his own. Nothing mattered anymore but winning. 

Bakugou had boarded the devil’s train of love. And he couldn’t get off. 

[thatesqcrush]

Best Laid Plans

Rafael Barba x Bryan Kneef x Reader. DP (double penetration) for kink bingo. This is MMF and MFM. Oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex. This basically goes straight to filth, very very little plot. NSFW!

WC: 2811

AN2: Forgive any typos. ‘Tis late here on the East Coast. 

--

Summer in Chicago. Hot, humid mornings meant a 50% chance of a thunderstorm in the evening. Most days you were prepared, stashing an umbrella in your oversized shoulder bag. Except this morning you changed bags and as a result, you forgot the umbrella.

The rain pelted down hard, soaking you instantly. You ran down Michigan Avenue, looking for refuge in the nearest restaurant. You ran with your bag over your head, serving as a poor substitute for an umbrella. Your shoes squished and squashed in an obscene manner and you scrunched your nose in disgust. Spotting an awning ahead of you, you jogged towards it in hopes to catch a minute and wait for the rain to stop.

You caught your appearance in the glass reflection of the building you were in front of – The Talbott Hotel. You looked like a drowned rat, with your mascara running down your cheeks and the sopped wet herm of your dress which stuck to your thighs. You sighed.

“The bar has a bathroom miss if you’d like to freshen up and warm up until the rain stops.”

You looked up at the doorman standing there. You gave him a small smile and nodded, thanking him as he opened the door for you.

The bar was fairly quiet, which surprised you for the time of day. You took a seat at the empty bar and ordered a scotch, two fingers, with a twist. You opened your purse and sought after your make up bag. You grabbed a handful of red napkins from the bar caddy in front of you and began to fix your appearance. You cleaned off the mascara that was on your cheeks, swiped on some concealer and re-applied mascara. You took a claw clip and pinned up your soaked hair. Unbeknownst you, two sets of bright green eyes were watching you curiously.

--

Acid jazz played throughout. The bartender came over and brought over your drink. You placed some cash on the bar, covering the price as well as tip before hopping off with your bearings and drink to an empty table. You settled into your seat and scanned the bar.

You had a bad habit of people watching. A force of habit from your time as a barista in college, getting to know everyone – who were the regulars and who weren’t. Your phone buzzed, interrupting your thoughts. When you checked your messages, you let out a sigh – your friend who was meeting you for dinner, cancelled. Your stomach growled in response and you shoved a handful of peanuts into your mouth. You chewed thoughtfully as you pulled up the weather app on your phone – it was going to rain for at least another hour. ‘Might as well grab dinner here.’ You thought to yourself.

You looked up again, looking for where the bartender went, when you found yourself staring at a handsome older man with dark hair and suspenders across the way from you. He wasn’t alone – another man was with him, but his head was down and he was busy scribbling something down. What caused you though to freeze in tracks, was that the handsome man in suspenders was staring at you.

Even from across the distance, the intense smoldering stare from the man in suspenders caused your cunt to kick. He was painfully attractive, with dark hair that greyed at the temples. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, showing off strong, tanned forearms.

The man who accompanied him turned to him to whisper something in his ear. The one in suspenders smirked and nodded. Heat deep down your belly and between your legs was stoked.

You swallowed hard as the man in suspenders made his way towards you. Your heart raced in your chest.

“This seat taken?” The man in suspenders asked. You shook your head and he smiled as he sat.

“I’m Rafael.” He stuck his hand out and you took it, shaking his hand gingerly.

“Y/N.” You replied, focused on how pretty his lips were with perfect peaks on the upper lip and fullness to the lower one. His eyes are breathtaking and you could imagine yourself getting lost in them for a lifetime.

“Are you here in Chicago for business or pleasure?” Rafael asked.

“Pleasure, I hope.”

You both look up at the voice who made its presence known. If you had thought Rafael was handsome, this man was sinful with equally bright green eyes and a full beard that you instantly wondered what would be like on your skin. As a matter of fact, he seemed rough and unfinished – screaming danger in a way that made your nipples go tight and your throat go dry.

“Bryan Kneef – this is Y/N.” Rafael introduced.

A wolfish smile graced Bryan’s face and you felt the skin on the back of your neck prickle.

“Have – has anyone ever told you that you two look awfully alike? Cousins? Twins?” You asked genuinely.

“So we’ve been told.” Bryan chuckled. “But no – not related. Just happy coincidence.”

“Coincidence? Or conspiracy?” You asked, arching your brow as you took a long swig of your drink, emptying it. You relished in the burn that the amber liquid made its way down your throat. You leaned back in you seat, watching the two men intently. You were soaked in more ways than one – your dress left nothing hidden. Your nipples were hard as rocks and your panties were soaked in more ways than one.

“Can we buy you another drink?” Bryan asked. You nodded.

You gave a nod and Rafael stood, making his way back to the bar. You watched Rafael as he walked away and then looked at Bryan.

“Why don’t you ask me what you really want?”

Desire was flush on Bryan’s face and his eyes twinkled. “And what do you think that is?”

You rolled your eyes. “Come on, two gorgeous men like you. One of me. No wedding bands. I’m not stupid.”

“No harm in having a little fun.” Bryan replied as he sipped his drink.

“You say that to everyone?”

“We know what we want. No need to beat around the bush.”

Rafael returned with a fresh drink for you. You thanked him before taking another long drag. Both men watched your neck bob as you swallowed the drink. You placed your drink down and wiped your mouth.

“This is too good to be true.”

Bryan tipped his head towards Rafael. “He’s only in town for one more night. So we want to make the most of it before he heads home.”

“And where is home?”

“New York.” Rafael replied. He leaned over and placed a hand on your exposed thigh. Your skin was cold and the warmth of his hand caused images of a becoming night flashed through your mind.

“And how exactly would this go?” You asked, taking another sip of your drink. You were aware of the small circles being traced on your skin and you had to bite your check from letting out an involuntary moan.

“We’re very good at sharing.” Rafael rumbled, as both men shifted their seats to be closer to you.

You nodded – the very idea of you and two men was thrilling. You finished off your drink, slamming it hard on the table. “Okay. I’m in.”

--

Fortunately for you, Rafael’s room was conveniently right in the Talbott Hotel. You dared not to look at anyone in the eye as you made your way through the hotel lobby. Bryan’s hand was pressed on the small of your back guiding you to the elevator bank as Rafael followed from behind.

Not a word was spoken on the ride up to the top floor, where Rafael’s room was. You felt wild and bold – this was completely unlike you. The hotel elevator opened up to a grandiose suite, with floor to ceiling windows, offering a panoramic view of Lake Michigan.

It was still raining, the sky was dark and haunting as lightening flashed through the sky and thunder rumbled. You walked around the room, taking in the lavish and opulence ahead of you.

You turned around and found both men watching you intently once more. You made your way to the bed, knowing they’d be watching your every move. You undid the buttons of your dress, peeling off the wet material, leaving you clad in just your panties and bra.

Both men smiled at each other and then moved towards you as one, making quick removal of their clothes as well. “Are you ready?” Rafael asked.

“We’re going to take you every which way possible. Tonight – you are ours. We are yours.”

“Yes.”

--

You lay against Rafael’s chest, his strong arms wrapped around you, playing with your breasts. Bryan’s hands gripped your thighs, keeping you spread as his mouth worked your pussy. He licked a broad stripe along your cunt, before taking your clit into his mouth and suckling. “Oh God,” you groaned as your head lolled back, lacing your hands into his dark hair. You pulled at his hair, tugging as your hips rocked against his face. “Don’t stop.” You groaned as his warm tongue landed on your clit.

“Oh he won’t.” Rafael murmured as he sucked on the pulse point on your neck. He tugged and rolled your nipples between his thumbs and index fingers. Bryan snaked two fingers from under, to slip them into your warm sheath, pumping it slowly. “Fuck!” You moaned. Bryan chuckled, sending vibrations along your body before he resumed licking you. His tongue abused your bundle of nerves over and over again. You felt the familiar coil in your belly and before you knew it, you were falling apart, coming all over Bryan’s face - chanting his name and praising God all at once.

Bryan licked you through your orgasm and then pressed kisses up and along your trembling thighs until he was fully over you. You wrapped your hand around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, deep and hungry, tasting yourself on him. The kiss broke and as you swallowed air, Bryan pulled Rafael into a kiss. You watched stunned as you were sandwiched between them. The two men kissing was thrilling, like watching two tornadoes collide, further deepening your arousal.

“Mmmm.” Rafael moaned as Bryan broke the kiss. “She tastes delicious.”

“You should have a taste.” Bryan encouraged. “She’s sweet like candy.” Rafael nodded and Bryan sat back on his haunches. Rafael encouraged you to turn around and sit on his face. You acquiesced his request and did so. You let out an obscene moan as Rafael fucked you with his tongue. You lowered yourself so you were face to face with his cock, and took him deep in your mouth.

“Yes, suck that cock.” Bryan encouraged as you sucked on Rafael’s cock. Bryan laced one hand into your hair as his other fisted and pumped his cock.

“You’re such a good cocksucker.” Bryan praised and you squealed in response, though the sound was muffled because your mouth was full. Rafael’s cock felt heavy in your mouth and the taste of his pre-cum flooded your mouth. You took a breath before taking more of his length into your mouth, triggering your gag reflex. The sounds of your mouth slobbering all over his cock drove both men wild.

You didn’t ease up. You pushed his cock gently to the side, so you could access his balls. As you sucked gently on his balls, Bryan took Rafael’s length in his mouth. Both of you worked Rafael. You gasped, releasing his balls as Rafael began to finger fuck you as well. A strand of saliva connected you to him.

“I am going to cum,” Rafael warned. Bryan pulled off his length and pointed Rafael’s cock to your mouth where you took him in deeply again. “Mmmm,” you hummed, sending vibrations up and through Rafael’s body. Rafael’s grip on your thighs tightened and without warning he began to fuck your mouth, thrusting erratically. Suddenly your mouth was flooded with the taste of his hot, salty cum as he released into your mouth. Rafael shuddered as the last drops of his cum released into your mouth.

“That’s it, take it like a good girl.” Bryan rumbled, deep and low, his mouth by your ear. You swallowed all of Rafael’s release greedily, but some still managed to drip out of your mouth as you released him from your mouth.

Bryan kissed you, tasting Rafael’s release and he let out another groan. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

You whimpered, watching him pump his massive cock. “Please.”

Rafael reached into the drawer and tossed a condom to Bryan. Bryan tore the condom and rolled it on, before joining his twin on the bed. Both men kissed once more, and you could see Rafael’s cock come back to life. You crawl over between them and both men break the kiss before each of them take turns to kiss you. Finally, you settle over Bryan and sink onto his cock, as Rafael pressed kisses along your back. Rafael took your arms and pulled them behind your back as Bryan thrusted up into you.

“How’s that cock feel?” Rafael questioned, his voice dripping with lust.

“So good, so fucking good! Oh God!” You pant. “Don’t stop.”

“Lets see how pretty you look coming over that cock.” Rafael encouraged as he reached in between to rub your clit.

“Fuck yes, Jesus!” You cried out. Bryan grunted as he gripped your hips hard as he fucked you with everything he had. You let out a squeal as he hit a sensitive spot in you.

“Lean her forward, Bry.” You hear Rafael command and Bryan brings you the way down, so your forehead to forehead. His tongue is in your mouth, his hands on your tits. You feel lube drizzle all over your ass and you realize what Rafael was going to do. You heard the sound of foil tearing and your heart began to race. You had never done this before but you were excited to try it.

Rafael pressed the swollen head of his cock against your asshole and slowly pushed inside. The burn made you clench around Bryan more. Once Rafael was all the way inside, both men started to thrust slowly, alternating to each other, quickly finding rhythm. You let out a wrecked moan. You never felt so completely full in your life. It was all too much – you were completely foregone into the pleasure. Bryan’s cock was deep in your cunt; Rafael was deep in your ass. A sharp spank landed on your ass from Rafael, causing you to squeal.

“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my –” you babbled incoherently.

“Are you going to come like a good little slut on our cocks?” Rafael grunted as he continued to fuck you in long, rough strokes.

“Yes, oh God, yes!” you cried out. You pussy throbbed with need and you were so close to the precipice again. You don’t care – the only thing that mattered was how perfect this moment was – you didn’t want it to be over just yet. Bryan stroked your clit with his thumb, slowly, teasingly, working you to your orgasm. Just a few additional circles on your clit by Bryan and you were done. You wailed both their names over and over again as you came again, your pussy gripping Bryan’s cock and your ass clenching Rafael’s cock. It had never been this intense, and you completely dissolved into pleasure as your orgasm rippled through your body. It was almost blinding; sounds were fuzzy, almost like white noise. Rafael slumps over you, the weight of his body on yours, causing you to be sandwiched. His body moved easily with Bryan’s increasingly rough thrusts. “Oh fuck, oh fuck Y/N!” You could barely hear both men shout your name as they each came.

Rafael withdrew from your ass before he flopped onto the bed. He removed the condom and tossed it in a nearby trash can while you remove yourself from Bryan. Bryan does the same as Rafael. The three of you remain in bed, hands wandering, caressing and stroking. The three of you manage to get some rest before deciding to order room service. After dinner, the three of you fuck some more, making the most of Rafael’s limited time.

It’s late and you realized you need to get home. You re-dress, your clothes half-dry and half-wet. You all exchange phone numbers and make plans to reunite the next time Rafael is in town.

Bryan and Rafael each offer to call a town car and you shake your head. Both men stand in front of the elevator and you give a small wave as the bank closes. As you make your way down, you find yourself grateful for a little rain and cancelled plans.

FIN.

--

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[thatgirlwhowrites01]

hot head

part 11 | masterlist

social media au

zuko x reader

this is a very long and fluffy update and I hope it makes up for my lack of posting these past couple days 🥺🥺💕💕💕

Zuko POV

“What is your partner’s name again?”

“Uncle, they aren’t my partner,” carrying a tray of used tea cups towards the back of the shop, I cleared my throat as I set it down by the sink for washing later. “Their name is y/n.” I folded my arms across my chest and faced towards Iroh, a grin displayed clearly.

“You’re telling me that my nephew is doing all this work for a friend?” he laughed.

“I’m doing all this work because you’re letting us stay in the loft,” my hands pointed to the stairs, “Besides, I owe them a favor and they’ve never been to Ba Sing Se, it’s the least I could do.” Which wasn’t a complete lie. I did owe them a favor, after everything I did I’m surprised they even responded to my initial dm. The only problem was keeping uncle out of the loop. He always had a knack for knowing when I was being sneaky and although it was a sense that came in handy when I was a child, as a fully capable adult it has now become annoying.

“What do you plan on doing tonight?”

“Um, I’m not too sure, I’m just planning on showing them the main spots of the city and then maybe some dinner.” I tried to play it off cool, but inside my heart was pounding at a rate far from healthy.

“Just make sure when you guys get back to lock the doors and wash any dishes you use, I’ll be in around nine in the morning tomorrow.”

“I will, don’t worry.” I watched as uncle took the shop key off the hook on the back wall. He tossed it to me with a wink, “Have fun Zuko.”

The shop was now mine for the night and I still had a couple hours before I had to leave to pick y/n up. There wasn’t much left to do since I had been here all day to help with customers and cleaning. I finished setting up the loft early this morning, it wasn’t anything super fancy. A couch that could be folded into a bed was pressed to the side wall and a nice mattress layed towards the back. I set up some fairy lights and a couple lanterns placed on tables around the room to add a relaxed ambience when lit tonight.

I can’t explain the feelings I’m having, nervous? Excited? I’m not sure, it’s hard to say. When Azula first told me about y/n she described them as this ugly, manipulative, mean person. But they aren’t like that at all. I remember when I first watched their video, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of them. They were beautiful, and the way they laughed made me feel warm inside, something I haven't felt in a long time. Azula insisted they were bad, and unfortunately I believed her. When they retaliated against me I didn’t know how to act, it filled me with rage because no one ever retaliates against me. I genuinely did hate them for a while but when the private investigator told me about what happened with their mom I wanted to take everything back. They had already been through so much and I was taking away something that could potentially work out really well. Despite what happened in the past I want this night to be a sort of ‘peace treaty’ if possible.

Y/N POV

The circumstances weren’t exactly ideal.. Zuko, the one who bullied me relentlessly with his twitter fingers was going to be my tour guide of Ba Sing Se for the night. The warnings from Katara and all my other friends wouldn’t leave my head and I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that they were right. I did forgive too easily, but it was too late to cancel and plus I’ve never been to the city before.

I packed a small bag with a change of clothes and a couple miscellaneous items, being unsure of what the night would bring I made sure to pack some pepper spray too. I don’t think Zuko would try to hurt me, but being in a big city with one of the biggest jerks I know I had to come prepared.

It’s nearing five in the afternoon and my nerves are starting to get the better of me. Anytime now Zuko would be here and I’m starting to realize how awful this situation is. I could taste blood in my mouth from chewing on the inside of my cheek, “fuck,” I said while reaching for my phone. Almost on instinct my fingers swiped to Katara’s name in my contacts. The monotone ring droned on until I heard her pick up on the other line.

“Hello?”

“Katara, I’m freaking out, Zuko’s gonna be here at any moment and I don’t know what to do,”

“Hey it’s gonna be okay, are you sure you want to do this? I can always just make up an excuse for you so you don’t have to go?” I can tell she desperately wants me to say yes, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

“No it’s okay, I just really need someone to talk to until he gets here,”

“Okay, I promise it’s gonna be alright. You’ve got a whole army waiting up tonight to make sure you’ll be okay. Sokka, Suki, and Toph are gonna come over to Aang’s house with me and we’re not going to sleep until you’re back at wherever you’re staying.”

“Okay,” I laughed “If I don’t send updates by 11 send someone”

“Will do, Toph said she’s been ready to practice some knew boxing moves”

“Can’t wait,”

Our conversation went on for several minutes until I heard a knock on my door. “Coming!” I yelled and quickly ended the call, rushing to grab my bag. My hand curled around the handle and realization hit when I opened the door to see Zuko holding a bouquet of sunflowers. I smiled “Are these for me?”

“Yeah, I figured it’s the least I could do to make up for stuff.”

“Thank you,”

He seemed different than in his videos. His face was softer and his voice less harsh. I followed him to his car which was, to put it lightly, much nicer than my mini-van. I’m not even a car person but it was polished black with dark tinted windows and red rims, definitely something I could see him driving. He opened my door,  allowing me to slide in and fully appreciate the car. Leather seats accompanied a ‘new car’ smell and the front displayed a touch screen for controls. Shitty person or not, he rides in style.

After pulling away from my apartment the car fills with a low volume of slow RnB, “I’m not too sure if you  have anything specific in mind that you want to do, so I figured I’d show you my favorite parts of the city and grab something to eat, maybe some drinks?”

“That sounds great to me,” I smiled.

The rest of the car ride was silent, but with the mix of the sun close to setting, RnB, and the scenery I didn’t feel the need to talk. For a Friday night the traffic wasn’t that bad, we worked our way through it easily and stopped outside of a tea shop.

“This is my Uncle’s shop, there’s a loft on the top he said we could use for the night.”

“That’s so nice of him,  I’ll have to come back sometime to say thank you.”

I waited behind Zuko as he fiddled with the door. Now that I am standing next to him it was clear how muscular he was. The tight green shirt fit snug around his shoulders and biceps, his back muscles flexed while giggling the door handle. Finally it popped open and my focus changed to the space we were entering. It was cute and tiny, tables lined the walls and the bar had several stools flipped on top. I followed Zuko as he climbed the stairs to the loft.

“I washed and made the bed for you so you don’t have to worry about bugs or  anything,” Zuko pointed to the bed. I walked over to throw my bag down on the mattress “This place is so adorable, I love it!”

“Tea is my uncle's passion, when I was younger and he first started this shop I worked for him. This place is practically my home away from home.” He sat down on the couch facing me.”

I nodded, taking the place in. Fairy lights danced around the ceiling twinkling in a way that was mesmerizing. “Are you hungry?” Zuko asked.

“Is that even a question?” we both shared a laugh, “Come one, I know the best place for some pho.”

***

“And then, I practically threw up all over the place!” I laughed uncontrollably through my mouth full of pho,  “I can’t believe that,  in the middle of church?!” Zuko’s comment made me laugh even harder. “I swear! My mom was so mad it took everything in her power to not to drag me out by my hair!”

The night was going incredibly well. After a couple awkward ice breakers we somehow got on the subject of disappointing our parents and now we were the loudest table in the restaurant. Zuko was so much easier to talk to than I expected, and we had a lot in common.

“Excuse me, but would you and your partner like any dessert?” I was too busy laughing, I didn't even see the waiter approaching.

“Oh, they aren’t my partner.” I couldn’t help but snort which in turn made Zuko start laughing again, “I think we’re ready for the check if that’s alright” he said with as much composure and he could muster. I waited until the waiter was out of sight, “Partner” I snorted again. “Hey, the guy was just trying to find out if you were single,” I rolled my  eyes at Zuko’s comment. “Whatever..”

“It’s the truth! I bet everytime you go out you’re bombarded with people trying to get  with you!”

“Mhmm for sure, but I only  grace them with attention if they can guess my favorite color.”

“What’s your favorite color?” Zuko stared at me, rolling his lips to hide his smile.

“Why would you want to know? Are you trying to gain my attention?”

“I just want to make sure I know who I’m dealing with, they say you can learn a lot from people’s favorite color you know..”

“And who exactly is ‘they’?” I asked while crossing my arms.

“I prefer to keep that a secret.” He said while mimicking my stance.

We laughed together again at the stupidity of our argument. The waiter came back with the check and I reached for the cash I brought but before I could even get it to the table Zuko handed him a few $20’s telling him to keep the change. Warmth rose to my face “Thank you, I could’ve at least split it with you,”

“No worries, this is your trip and I wanna make it special.” he smiled, “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”

We began walking the silent streets of Ba Sing Se, I admired all the little shops along the way. There was so much to do here and so many different people to meet. I think I have fallen in love with the city. When we came upon a small turn Zuko asked me to close my eyes.

“Why?” I smiled, I didn’t really care for the reason but I enjoyed teasing him.

“Just do it,”

With my eyes closed he grabbed my hand. I felt a jolt of energy race through my body. His hands were warm and calloused and much bigger than mine. The same warmth I felt at dinner returned as I tried suppressing my smile to no avail.

“You’re gonna love this.” he said, I could almost see his grin in my imagination. As he guided me I could hear water splashing and turtle ducks quacking. I was so excited I almost opened my eyes. Eventually he stopped me, “Can I open my eyes now?” I asked, wanting to know what he had led me to. “One sec,”

He shifted behind me, I could tell he was standing close because the heat radiating off of his body touched the back of my neck. “Okay, open.”

I was greeted with the sight of a beautiful fountain lit from all around, I felt like I had entered another world. It was so beautiful, the lights reflecting off the water made it even brighter. “What do you think?”

“Zuko, this is so pretty. I love it”

“I’m glad, this is one of my favorite spots. Especially at night.”

“I can see why,”

He made his way right next to me. We were standing so close our fingers grazed each other. I smiled at him nervously, unsure of what to do. “Do you want to feed the turtle ducks? I’ve got some bread”

“Yes!!” I said while practically running towards the animals in the fountain. I sat on the ledge which was a bit wet but not uncomfortable and Zuko took a seat next to me pulling a bag out of his pocket. He handed me a couple pieces to throw into the fountain and I wasted no time throwing it in.

They swarmed the area close to us splashing water as they ate. Zuko and I krept closer and closer together, if I moved my head it would bump into his shoulder.

I felt his hand fall on top of mine and I looked up. His eyes looked into mine and fell to my lips, the tension building had me leaning closer. His hand came up to gently cup my cheek while my eyes fluttered closed. Our lips met  with a heat, my breath caught in my chest due to the sudden sensation.

The kiss was slow, but short. This was better than the kiss Haru and I shared back at Aang’s grandparent’s house. This was electric and made me feel something.  We pulled away, my forehead falling on his. I could feel my heart beating through my chest.

This felt right.

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[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area - Chapter Seventeen

Previous Chapter Here

Warnings: Strong language and an air of discomfort.

Notes: I hope this reads OK as it’s quite dialogue-heavy.

Tags: @kelbabyblue @jennmurawski13

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN 

The night shifts weren’t all bad. From time to time, they were even as good as “pretty straight forward”. They proved especially useful when trying to finish patient notes and random admin that always got left to the very end of the shift. Perhaps they’d endure a tidy-out of the stock cupboards if the crew was feeling generous. Since O’Brien had taken up his post at the hospital years earlier, he had insisted upon mandatory training updates for the ER units every three to four months (the national average was about once a year) so the team were regularly reminded not to set fire to their computers and not to leave boxes in places people could trip over. You’d be surprised how often both those things happened in an emerging crisis. 

“I swear he thinks we’re idiots half the time.” Complained Jack, his head now glued to the palm of his hand. Jack was hurtling towards an early retirement thanks to an ever-increasing distrust of the corporate environment ER departments found themselves in. We trained to save lives, he’d say, not file stat reports. He was so right, it hurt. 

The crew was sat round the reception desk. The ER was empty except for a local homeless man the team allowed in from time to time to sleep off his latest drunken adventures. 

“Who doesn’t know how to bend their knees when lifting something heavy?” Jack asked again. 

“Ryan for one.” Sarah joked, pointing her cold cup of tea towards the fellow nurse in question. Ryan was a tall and skinny guy, not dissimilar to Alexander Skarsgard in the right light but with less charm although he had left a few of the interns swooning of late. Shanna quite liked him, too. 

“One time, Sarah. One time and I suffered for it greatly.” Ryan remarked, spinning a full 360 in his swivel chair. “Did you tick ‘agree’ or ‘strongly agree’ for question eleven?” 

“Oh, if you don’t tick ‘strongly agree’ even if you only ‘agree’, they mark you down a couple of percentage points.” Entered Audrey, slamming down a pile of files on the desk beside Sarah. Their nightly routine just got more interesting. “Just get it over with. It’s not worth the effort. It’s just O’Brien being obsessed with stats again. He turns everything into a competition. I swear it’s unhealthy.”

Ryan looked momentarily confused before returning to face his computer screen. He re-read the question for the fifth time and rubbed his eyes in resignation. Something about 3am made this far too complicated. 

“When did you even find time to do this, Aud?” Jack asked, turning back to Sarah and Audrey in time to witness their shared look self-satisfaction. “I’ve been sat here for half an hour and am still only part way through the first section.” 

“I logged in at home earlier.” she responded before catching Sarah’s quizzical look. “Well, Michael did most of it for me.” 

“Fucking hell!” exclaimed Jack, chucking his pen on the table, giving up. “Got no chance then, have I? Michael’s a bloody genius. Hey, how much for him to do mine?” 

“Normally I’d say $100 but he’s pretty cheap these days.” shrugged Audrey. “Probably a fancy cigar would do.” 

“He still grumpy about the you-know-what?” whispered Sarah to her friend when the guys started joshing between themselves. 

Audrey leaned back on the desk beside her and took the mug from Sarah’s hands to take a sip, grimacing slightly at the sweetness. For some reason, Sarah had to have at least three sugars in her tea if she was drinking it post-midnight. It helped to keep her more alert apparently. She didn’t drink it like that at any other time of the day. “No more than usual. Seems like we’re both unlucky in that department at the moment.” 

Sarah smiled at her in acknowledgement, lips thin before biting the inside of her cheek. 

Following their last meet-up, Chris had been decidedly quiet. Too quiet almost. It was weird. He hadn’t messaged her. He hadn’t called or visited their apartment except to collect a parcel he had left. Sarah has been out for a run at the time and had felt silently glad to have missed him. He hadn’t updated his twitter and there had been multiple sports events occurring that would have guaranteed a humblebrag or five. Shanna had pledged to buy rib-eye steaks for a Saturday night meal during a Celtics game and he had cancelled at the last minute citing an interview he had conveniently forgotten. Even Audrey thought it was weird. If anything was guaranteed to get his attention and bring him out of whatever funk he was in, it was the promise of sports and a ‘Grade A’ barbeque. 

Shanna merely put it down to his laziness or him having something better turn up. Scott had started replacing Chris around their apartment, wanting to get some of his own distance from the tricky Zach situation and it helped her feel better knowing he was at least in touch with him if Shanna wasn’t. He was evidently still alive. 

Sarah decided to swap a couple of daytime stints to partner up with Audrey for the nights. She needed the comfort of working with a good friend to calm her down from whatever ledge her anxiety had placed her on. 

“You know that he’ll come back, right?” Audrey interrupted her thoughts. Maybe Sarah spoke too soon. “Haven’t you got that birthday thing for Lisa coming up?” 

That trip was a couple of weeks away yet. She was trying to bank some reasonable excuses but everything sounded lame in the cold light of day and Lisa was never going to accept her not coming as well. Surely things would have smoothed themselves out by then? 

“This won’t just fix itself, hun, you’ll need to speak to him eventually. And the sooner the better.” 

It was like Audrey had a hotline straight into Sarah’s psyche. It was unnerving at the best of times. Sarah knew she was right of course. It’s just, a little bit of distance would be a good thing, right? Even Chris himself had offered that advice from time to time, and stressing herself out at this point almost seemed counterintuitive. 

“I reckon you could go in an hour or so if you wanted.” Audrey offered, nudging her friend with her elbow to bring her back into the room. “It’s dead out there.”

“I hope not.” Sarah joked, trying to lighten the mood. “We’d be shit at our jobs if that was the case.” 

Audrey laughed for the first time since Sarah could remember that day. It was moments like this that reminded her of why she enjoyed working alongside her so much, and why she didn’t mind if it resulted in overtime. 

“You wanna take patient referrals while I take the EPRs?” 

“How can I refuse an offer like that?” Sarah picked up the dozen or so documents sat in front of her and grabbed the nearest chair. Audrey told her she’d put the kettle on and nudged the guys still glued to their screens. Ryan had pretty much given up logical thinking and was now ticking random boxes. Jack was cursing under his breath. O’Brien was going to be in for a real treat when he could finally tabulate the responses. 

It was nearing 6.20am when Sarah and Audrey finally packed up to go. Matt and Stephanie had just arrived to take over for the morning, bringing a fresh perspective for the day. There wasn’t much for them to catch up on so it should be a smooth few hours at least. Sarah even ran a mop through the staff locker room as an added gift – Steph was a notorious clean freak – nearly tripping Greg up in the process. 

He’d been on leave for the past fortnight and his hair was a little longer than she remembered. A five o’clock shadow graced the lower part of his face and it suited him more than she thought it would. He had kept up with the informal tie-less attire and he seemed to be, dare she it, enjoying himself. 

“God, I’m so sorry.” She held her hands up in a mock mea culpa. “I was just gonna put it away before heading out. It was a stupid place to leave it.” 

“Did you not take the Health and Safety refresher?” he joked, rebalancing himself and trying to play down the redness creeping into his cheeks from the embarrassment of temporarily losing his footing in front of her. 

“You gonna rat me out to O’Brien? ‘Cos you know as well as I do that he doesn’t need yet another reason to know he’s right.” She shifted the mop and bucket and placed them back in the supply closet before reaching for her bag again. 

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” He moved passed her before turning to face her again. “Tell you the truth, I ghosted the last couple of tabs myself. Who knew there were so many ways to ask questions about standing in elevators?” 

Sarah rolled her eyes in acknowledgement. “Yeh. I can’t wait to have the team meeting when he realises we’ve all pretty much done the same thing. That’s gonna be fun. I might finally take some of my holiday.” 

“Yeh, good plan. Hey listen,” His words stopped her in her tracks, feet from the exit. “Um, I know it’s been a while but I was wondering if you might want to reschedule that tennis match some time? Or if not, we could get some dinner or something? There’s that new sushi place on Reagan Street. It’s meant to be really good if you fancy it?” 

She was indeed familiar with that very restaurant thanks to the glowing reviews she had been unable to avoid since it opened. Audrey had only mentioned it a mere thousand times in her presence. Word was that bookings were now months in advance so she wasn’t sure how Greg was hoping to find a table unless he wanted to make plans with her in November. Given the number of commitments he always appeared to have going on, it wouldn’t be completely outside the realm of possibility. 

“Wow, I thought that place was fully booked?” 

“Yeh, it is, but I went to college with one of the investors and he’s promised me a one-off.” 

Of course he did. Sarah bit her bottom lip to stop herself from chuckling out loud, imagining Audrey’s face when she would inevitably find out. To be honest, she was genuinely surprised he was still showing a minor interest in her. When she finally made eye contact with him, his earnestness was practically shining. Had he always had perfect skin?  

“Um…” That was a good start, she thought. 

“Honestly, it’s not a big deal if you’d rather not.” He helpfully pre-empted her awkward rejection but she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. “I’ve been meaning to go is all and I knew you liked sushi and figured it might be fun? They have live Jazz on Sunday nights.” 

When did he find out she liked sushi? And live Jazz? Just how much had Audrey told him about her? 

Realising she probably looked perplexed, she shuffled her shoulder strap back up onto her shoulder and tried to relax the awkwardness setting in between them. It was still quiet and no one was within earshot that she could figure out of her peripheral vision. 

“It’s not you, Greg, I promise. It’s just, I’m not really looking to get into anything right now. With anyone. Plus, we work together and…I’m sorry. I hope that’s OK?” 

“Hey, look, I promise it won’t be awkward. There’s absolutely no expectations from me and if you change your mind, just let me know, yeh? I literally know no one else who likes Sashimi so I can’t waste my only chance to get a table.” He chuckled and she felt more at ease. 

“If it’s any consolation, I’m a pretty crap date.” She smiled at him as she edged herself down the hall, putting space between them both literally and figuratively. “You wouldn’t be missing out.” 

“Oh, I doubt that somehow.” He returned her smile. “I’m serious, though. Just let me know. Anytime. No expiration date.” 

And with that, she had been left dumbfounded by two men in the space of a single week. 

* 

It would have been easier to get the early morning bus home at this time, as tired as she was starting to feel. She hadn’t slept well in the last few days and she had a creeping nausea from the lack of proper rest. The walk and crisp, fresh air might do her some good. It was practically full daylight even at this hour, and it was sometimes fun to watch people on their own way to work, huffing along, trying not to drop their coffees. 

The out-of-town school bus passed her a few minutes out from her apartment and as she rounded the corner, she got this weird sense that someone was watching her. Another corner turned and she could see her building in the near distance. Still, she couldn’t shake it. She stopped, pretending to fumble for her phone in her pocket and turned around swiftly to see a sweaty Chris stop a few steps behind her. 

It took her a moment to register it was in fact him, his beard fuller and a Red Sox cap pulled down low over his eyes. He had sweats and sneakers on and looked like he was on a run. Honestly, if someone else had spotted him from this distance, they would have worried he was going to attack her. 

“Hey,” she said, turning to fully face him. “What are you doing out at this time?” 

He didn’t respond at first. He shuffled from one foot to the other before grounding himself and taking a couple of steps towards her. Again, he shuffled back a step like he was rethinking his move. She didn’t appreciate seeing him like this, so unsure of himself. 

“Five months out from filming some pre-shoots so figured I’d make a start.” He finally spoke. Not a really a smile but he at least sounded OK. 

“Cool.” She said, nodding back at him. “Um, I’m not sure if Shanna is awake yet but do you want to come inside for some water or coffee?” 

“Yeh, that’d be great. Thanks.” 

She turned to continue walking on. For a few long moments, he stayed walking slightly behind her. A couple more strides and he had decided to catch up. The last time it had taken this long to walk this same street, she had been so drunk she had narrowly avoided falling into her neighbour’s front garden. 

“Five months? You’re not that out of shape.” She tried to make a joke. It was the only thing she could think of. Audrey would be eye-rolling like a champ if she could see them now. 

Chris knew she was trying to make small talk now so he decided to indulge her. It was a fair response, he thought - he was doing OK - as he followed her up the stairs deliberately keeping two or three behind her in an effort to keep it casual. 

“Oh, y’know. I fluctuate pretty easily. A few pizzas here and there and it’s game over.” 

They walked into her kitchen and she had been right in assuming Shanna was still asleep. Unless she had awoken really early but that was highly unlikely, unless there was a sale at Ted Baker she didn’t know about. 

He lingered in the doorway while she searched the fridge for a bottle of water. Grabbing one from the back, she turned to hand it to him expecting him to be within an arm’s reach from her but he had been distracted by something down the hall before turning back to her. Gratefully, he accepted it and walked into the kitchen to take up his usual spot leaning against the counter. 

“Sorry, did you say you wanted a coffee?” She offered. 

“Nah, I’m good. Can’t really take caffeine until this afternoon.” 

“Sorry. I always forget how strict it is.” She apologised, offering him a sympathetic smile. 

He took a long swig from the bottle, not breaking eye contact from her. “No need to apologise. You OK? Night shift?” 

“Yeh. Pretty quiet, thankfully.” 

“I’ve always meant to ask but what is it like, a night shift? I can’t work out if it would be worse or not.” 

She understood what he meant and laughed. “It can go either way to be honest but it’s been quiet the last few nights. Nothing crazy. I caught up with some paperwork, so…” She shrugged again, acutely aware of how boring she must sound. 

He nodded at her. “Aren’t people supposed to be crazier in the summertime?” 

“Well, kids are around more and families tend to spend more time together, so…” 

The apartment was unnervingly quiet now which was weird. She could hear the uptake in traffic outside which provided some relief that perhaps he couldn’t hear her heart beating out of her chest. She could make out some small sweat patches on his hoodie and it did something to her that she wasn’t expecting. Shaking the thought from her head, she turned to switch the kettle off. 

“What?” He asked. 

She jerked her head back around to face him. “Huh?” 

“You were thinking of something. Your neck just went red.” He smiled, tilting his head at her and relishing the look of surprise making its way over her features, knowing he’d caught her out. 

That was news to her. She knew she had “tells” but a red neck was not usually one of them. How come no one had ever told her about this? 

“I can’t tell if you’re joking with me or not.” She inquired, playfully narrowing her eyes at him in an effort to lighten the mood. 

He shrugged a shoulder at her, a smirk starting to cross his fine features. Joshing with her was good. She’d take that. A small step in the right direction. 

“Sometimes, it’s really obvious. You get it when you’re embarrassed about something, or when you try to lie. I’d never really noticed it before, but...” He paused. His expression started to turn more thoughtful and she wished he’d just continue to make fun of her instead. 

“Guess I won’t be playing poker anytime soon.” She finished the thought for him. 

“Yeh, no, you’d be rubbish at that. Just terrible.” He took another swig from his bottle and waited for her to throw something at him. 

“Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

The room went quiet again. She stirred her mug of coffee and offered him another chance at one which he politely refused although his discipline was waning slightly now he could smell it. 

“So this is fine.” He said after a couple of minutes, nodding in a slightly exaggerated manner. He looked out of the kitchen window. “We can do this, right? No awkwardness. No embarrassment. Just normal, everyday conversation.” 

“’Course,” she nodded in agreement. 

“Start as we mean to go on, right?” 

She nodded again. This felt like a trap and she couldn’t put her finger on why. Chris had a knack for saying and doing two different things at the same time, an intimidating ability that often put people on edge if he thought it would serve his purpose, whatever that may be. Probably the actor in him. When you called him out, he would aggressively defend himself which only served to prove the point you were making in the first place. 

Scott was the only one, truly, who knew when it was happening. It had taken Sarah years to get to a similar position but now, she wasn’t sure she was remotely close to it. 

“It’s as good a starting point as any, I guess.” She shrugged again, sipping from her cup. 

“So there’s no need to ignore me then.”  

“I haven’t been ignoring you, have I?” 

“You tell me. I’m just pre-empting it is all. I’m just saying we can still interact, you and me, if we need to. Like, it doesn’t always have to be in social settings with other people around.” He took a final drink from his bottle and turned to locate the recycling pot stashed away in the corner. Even with a mundane task, he always looked cool doing it. 

“So don’t worry about it.” 

“Alright then. That’s good to know.” She shot him a raised eyebrow which he caught and returned with a sly smirk. “I’m just trying to be sensible. We have to get this right or else there’s no point.” 

“I know, I get that, too.” If he wasn’t attempting to be serious before, he was now. He had a hand on his hip and seemed to have grown a few inches in height. “What do you think I’m trying to say?” 

“I…think I’m on the backfoot again and it’s weird.” She held a hand up in defence. 

“Hey, I’m just doing what we agreed, OK? I’m just following your rules.” 

“They’re not rules.” She struggled to regulate the volume in her voice in case she disturbed Shanna. “And you’re making it sound like I’m controlling the situation when I’m not. We both agreed on this. There’s no point being difficult about it.” 

Was he being difficult? Yes. Obviously, he was. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling but happy definitely wasn’t it. Things were out of sorts and he hadn’t been able to eat carbs or sugar for four days so the withdrawal symptoms certainly weren’t helping. He should go easier on her. She was doing the thinking for the both of them. He should learn to be more grateful for that. 

He scratched the back of his head and let out an audible sigh in frustration. “I’ll try harder, I promise. We’ve got that cabin thing coming up with Mom, so…I promise I’ll be good.” 

He imitated the scout salute and she smiled at him, a smile not quite reaching her eyes. 

* 

Another night shift and Audrey and was starting to get suspicious. No one willingly switched for a night shift. For one thing, there was a disproportionate amount of recovery time. A couple of night shifts often took in excess of a week to recover from; a week that a nurse definitely did not have to spare. 

“He been buggin’ you?” she asked, finally growing tired of the silence. 

“Who?” Sarah looked up from the cabinet. “No, not really. We haven’t really spoken.” 

“So why are you ignoring him?” 

“I’m not ignoring him! Why does everyone think that?” 

“Who’s everyone?” 

Crap. Audrey had her there. Sarah open and closed her mouth without a sound coming out. She took a breath. “He’s not bugging me. He’s not. I’m just trying to limit the times we’re in the same place at the same time.” 

“Huh, you’d think he would at least allow you to have peace in your own home.”  

“Well, to be fair, he hasn’t been around all that much, but…at least I don’t have to worry about him showing up unannounced. It’s stupid but I feel way more awkward about him than I thought I would. It’s like I can’t even stand to be under his gaze.” 

Audrey glanced at her friend, wishing she could offer some words of comfort. Even for someone as verbose as she normally was, she was finding it a struggle. Sarah wasn’t much looking for words of comfort at the given time either. She was all too aware of the predicament she was in and how much responsibility laid at her feet. In her mind, waiting it out was the only logical solution she could come up with. The only logical solution that didn’t require more conversations with someone who could feasibly run rings around her “theory” that if they just stayed apart for a little while, they would suddenly and magically forget about the past couple of months. 

They stayed filing documents in silence again, the air seemingly getting thicker. 

“You ever spoken with someone and it’s like they’re thinking the complete opposite of what’s coming out of their mouth?” Sarah huffed while shoving the cabinet drawer closed. 

“Not really. That person’s usually me.” 

“But why?” she asked. “Why can’t you just be normal?”  

“I mean, it’s not my go-to response of course. It’s normally reserved for occasions when I am trying to indulge someone because I know they’re talking bullshit. Like, when I know Mike has been gambling but he tries to deny it? It’s just easier to figure him out that way.” 

Sarah froze to the spot, looking at her friend. She breathed a heavy sigh and turned to lean back on the table behind her and crossed her arms. She stared at her shoes for a second. 

“Chris is a smart guy. I’ll give him that.” Audrey muttered loudly so she was sure Sarah could hear. 

“Give me something! I’m your friend here.” She implored her before chuckling to herself at Audrey’s face and her own apparent lack of self-awareness. 

“You know what I think? You’ve probably got withdrawal symptoms from the all the amazing sex you’ve had and now you’re sulking. I think you should get back on that horse and let him fuck you again. That’s what this is.” 

Sarah eyed her friend again. For once, she would love to hear someone tell her that she was right. “That’s really not helping, y’know.” 

“And this is?!” Audrey’s shriller tone cut through the dry air, smacking Sarah right in the face. “Honey, this isn’t healthy. You hiding out in the hospital and treating it like your own solace is not healthy at all. I love you but you are your own worst enemy.” 

“Alright, thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for your unswerving efforts to be honest with me at all times and not, like a normal pal, be comforting in any way.” Sarah comically bowed to her friend before considering leaving the office. She would have followed through with the idea as well if it wasn’t for the cosy warmth of O’Brien’s office versus the coldness of the ER department thanks to a leaking pipe. “It’s difficult. I’m sorry. I don’t wanna fall out with you, Audrey.” 

Audrey just smiled at her. “I don’t know why you think you have to be the beacon of morality all the time, Sarah. Take a look around. No one else is. We all out here just trying to live our lives as best we can and a part of that is taking advantage of moments of happiness when we find them.” 

Something about what Audrey was saying did resonate with her but comparing two months of happiness with Chris to ten years with Shanna was not something she could in good conscience do. Shanna was her security blanket. She provided a comfort of living with someone with shared life experience, of knowing how little you thought about yourself because you were given up as a baby. Honestly, from the very first day they had met, Sarah felt lucky to know her. 

Yes, Shanna could be immature at times. Maybe a little selfish. She would often get carried away with trivial things and wasn’t the most reliable person, but what Sarah got in return was worth that and more. Her family enjoyed highlighting the maternal care Sarah would have to provide to someone who was seven months older than she was, but honestly it didn’t matter. 

Maybe this was one of the rare occasions where Audrey was wrong. 

Chris was a fling at best, Sarah told herself, when she was lying in bed struggling to fall asleep. When she was cold and missing his arms around her. They were both having shitty times and they both got something out of it. That was what Chris had said himself at the very beginning. 

Chris 08.15am: You home? Shanna said you were working late again 

It was like he knew she would be thinking about him. 

Chris 08.17am: I really dont want u ignoring me all the time. This is hard for me right now as well 

Fuck. 

Sarah 08.21am: I kno. I’m so sorry I made you feel like that :(

He didn’t respond. She thought she saw the tell-tale three dots of him writing something but nothing appeared. Giving up on sleep, she got up and headed into the kitchen. Shanna had left her some bacon in the fridge and a fresh bread bun on the side so she turned on the grill and set about making some coffee. 

She felt strangely awake for this time and the apartment was nice and warm from the bright sunshine streaming in from all corners. Maybe a run would help. Or a cold shower.  

Chris 08.44am: I wanna be honest with u but I dont think u want that 

Chris 08.45am: so what do i do?? 

Fuck knows. 

Chris 08.51am: Can I come over? 

Sarah 08.54am: that’s not a good idea 

Chris 08.55am: cos you know what will happen? 

Chris 08.56am: what does that tell you?? 

She was sure he was nursing some kind of hangover or, quite possibly, he was still a little bit drunk. There were two responses she could give, she figured. The first would be her usual denial and perhaps an excuse that she was busy or working later than planned. The second, and ultimately the one she opted for, was to agree with him. 

Sarah 09.05am: I know what it tells me. That’s why I’m saying you shouldn’t come over 

Another three dots followed. There was only so many times they could go around and around in circles and as much as Audrey’s words made sense to her, it felt like she had to make the effort to regain some normality. 

He didn’t respond. She stared at her phone for an age but nothing came through. Maybe he got the message? Maybe he had fallen asleep. She was both relieved and suspicious; Chris wasn’t someone who backed down from an argument when he thought he was right. He had said as much himself. 

She turned the grill off, having lost her appetite. A run might make more sense and could help clear her head. 

She couldn’t sit around waiting for Chris to make his next move. 

*

[girlsgonemildblog]

The Girlies are Pressed - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 4 Recap

Image from abc.com

The episode begins with Matt still coping with Sarah having left. I’ve been thinking about it for the last week, and Matt begging Sarah to stay even after he knew the situation with her father was actually pretty selfish of him.

We then cut to all the girls sitting around and talking about Sarah, the majority of them talking shit. Victoria says of her, “the trash took itself out,” which prompts Katie to tell her to shut up. She then tells all the girls off for talking about someone who is not there to defend themself, which is mostly met with condescending giggles.

Because of Sarah’s antics, the day portion of the group date must have been canceled because the second group date of last week (they cut these episodes so strangely) is only a cocktail party. With a temporary lapse in drama, Matt can actually talk with the girls and seems to be making connections with them. He talks to Chelsea (pictured below) about her having grown up as a black girl in a predominantly white community, the complicated relationship that created for her with her own hair, and her decision to shave her head. As a mixed-race man himself, Matt connects with the story and gives her the rose.

Image from abc.com

Back at the ranch, Victoria confronts Katie about telling her to shut-up and demands an apology for not being allowed to call people trash behind their backs. Katie, while remaining composed and mature, laughs in her face and stands her ground. It is becoming abundantly clear that Victoria is used to being able to intimidate people, and also that Katie is not someone who is easily intimidated.

The next night, the girls go to the cocktail party and discuss how nice it is to not have drama in the house - how naive! Matt and Kit seem to be clicking, as he comments on how he loves spending time with her. Then, as Victoria is sitting down with Matt, she gets interrupted by none other than Chris Harrison. The producer’s choice to make Victoria the one who got interrupted is why they are truly the best to ever do it.

Chris informs Matt that there will be five new girls joining the other contestants, and never has a man looked more scared and overwhelmed than Matt did at that moment. I honestly would’ve respected it if he had just been like, “no thanks. I’m struggling to remember the names of the women already here, I do not need to learn more.” The first woman that Matt meets is Brittany.

Image from abc.com

Brittany introduces herself by “making up for lost time,” grabbing Matt’s face and sticking her tongue down his throat. The girls who were watching from the window did NOT like that.

Another new girl, Catalina, is Miss Puerto Rico Universe because we must always have at least one beauty queen per season.

Image from abc.com

She walks in wearing her sash and a tiara she actually earned and didn’t buy at Party Palace, which destroys any shred of decency Victoria had left in her body. Victoria tells Catalina that she is the “real” queen of the house. (Actually, Catalina is really a beauty queen; you’re just an insecure slob, Victoria.) Then Victoria SNATCHES THE CROWN OFF CATALINA’S HEAD. I gasped. Loudly. You do not touch another girl’s crown. In an effort to get Victoria to give the tiara back, one of the girls tells her that the tiara doesn’t match her outfit. Victoria agrees and then puts the tiara out of Catalina’s reach on the table, instead of handing it back to her as any normal person would have. Catalina proves the statement “she is beauty, she is grace” and doesn’t so much as bat an eye through the whole exchange. (I know she isn’t Miss United States, just let me have this.) The rest of the cocktail party ensues, and the original girls (“OGs” as they have unfortunately dubbed themselves) freak out that the new girls want to meet Matt.

During the rose ceremony, Anna spirals because she still has not spoken to Matt. She also displays the craziest crazy eyes I have ever seen, and I feel comfortable saying that because I, too, can have crazy eyes.

Somehow, she stays another week. The girls who get sent home are Khaylah from North Carolina (hand up, I called that one wrong), Kaili, who I swear I had never seen before, and one of the new girls, Kim.

Photo from Twitter

The first group date of the new week is an obstacle course, which leads to some funny (and some bitchy) moments. Magi gets stranded in the lake while failing to paddle a giant pumpkin across, and Chris Harrison had to confirm on Twitter that a producer finally went to help her.

Photo from Twitter

The course also involved dressing as a squirrel and finding an acorn with your name on it in a pile of leaves, and Anna hides newcomer Brittany’s because she knows people from back home who don’t like her. Mari “wins” the race, but it is not clear what the actual prize is.

At the night portion, Anna finally gets her chance to speak with Matt and has absolutely nothing to say. She blames this on being distracted by Brittany waiting in her peripheral vision. Mad that her time (which she was not at all using effectively) has been interrupted, Anna complains to Victoria and then tells her that she has heard rumors that Brittany is an escort and “entertains men for money.” The only evidence Anna has to back this up is that Brittany “knows rich men.”  Let the slut-shaming commence.

It made me sick to see women tearing each other down and calling Brittany a slut, a whore, and a disgusting mixture of the two, “slore.” I, of course, support sex workers and genuinely believe that that line of work needs to be destigmatized. To make matters worse, the rumor appears to be completely untrue. I genuinely think that crazy-eyed Anna mentally snapped and came up with this bullshit on the spot just to try to “ruin” Brittany’s life. The truly terrible part is that it will work, to some extent. While many people online are not believing the rumor and are saying it’s wrong to slut-shame whether it is true or not, not everyone in the world is so kind. Lies like this follow women for the rest of their lives, especially when made on national TV.

The group date rose goes to Bri, but because of the slut-shaming drama, the audience didn’t even see her and Matt speak.

The next day Anna tells Brittany the horrible things she said about her, admits that they were horrible, apologizes, but does not explain why she would say something so horrible. Nothing is resolved.

Image from abc.com

The one-on-one date goes to one of the new girls, Michelle, and she and Matt fall head-over-heels in love, and the show is basically a wrap at this point. The two embark on the world’s most romantic scavenger hunt. They start with zip-lining (I would’ve quit the show at this point), then pop balloons with questions to help them get to know each other and say they want three kids at the exact same time. Finally, they ride (and make-out) in a hot air balloon. The other girls watch them through binoculars from their balcony.

During the night portion, Michelle tells Matt about being a teacher during 2020 and helping her students cope with everything that happened. She relates this to his charity helping underprivileged kids. She then begins to quote Maya Angelou, and Matt finishes the sentence, as it is his personal favorite quote. These two just might make me believe in soulmates. She, of course, gets the rose.

Image from Twitter

The second group date is a literal boxing match. The girls go out to the woods (why are they in the woods?) to be trained by boxing champion Mia St. John. They only get a couple of matches into the fights, though, because Serana P gets punched in the face, and Matt doesn’t want to see one of the girls he actually likes get hurt.

At night, we see Matt and Rachel speaking, and he asks her what she needs from him to know he wants her to stay. That’s a great sign for their relationship.

We get a cutaway to Anna and Victoria back at the house, calling the other women stupid bitches and dumb whores. They are literal demons, and they need to go.

Katie, who is on the group date, comes to the same conclusion and decides that she needs to make Matt aware of the situation. She finds him talking to a group of producers, who leave to give them time to talk. She tells him that there are bullies living in the house and that some of the women are starting “life-ruining” rumors. She does not name names, which some people online were celebrating as mature, but I think it allows for a lot of finger-pointing and false accusations. Matt declares that he will address it the next day, and the episode once again ends on a cliffhanger. I am cautiously optimistic that this indicates Victoria and Anna will be leaving the house next week. Let’s keep our fingers crossed!

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Best lyrics on 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑘𝑙𝑜𝑟𝑒.

the 1 - 

“And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow.” 

“We never painted by the numbers, baby, but we were making it count. You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.” 

cardigan - 

“And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.” 

“I knew you tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy. I knew you. Leavin' like a father, running like water.”

“I knew I'd curse you for the longest time. Chasin' shadows in the grocery line. I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired, and you'd be standin' in my front porch light.”

the last great american dynasty - 

“The wedding was charming, if a little gauche. There's only so far new money goes. They picked out a home and called it "Holiday House". Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud. The doctor had told him to settle down. It must have been her fault his heart gave out.” 

“Filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names, and blew through the money on the boys and the ballet. And losing on card game bets with Dalí.”

“They say she was seen on occasion, pacing the rocks, staring out at the midnight sea. And in a feud with her neighbor, she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green. Fifty years is a long time. Holiday House sat quietly on that beach. Free of women with madness, their men and bad habits. And then it was bought by me.”

“I had a marvelous time ruining everything.”

exile ft. Bon Iver - 

“I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending. You're not my homeland anymore, so what am I defending now? You were my town, now I'm in exile, seein' you out.”

“I can see you starin', honey. Like he's just your understudy. Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me. Second, third, and hundredth chances. Balancin' on breaking branches. Those eyes add insult to injury.”

“I’m not your problem anymore, so who am I offending now?”

“You didn't even hear me out. (You didn't even hear me out.) You never gave a warning sign. (I gave so many signs.)”

my tears ricochet - 

“We gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room. And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too.”

“I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. And you're the hero flying around saving face. And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed. Look at how my tears ricochet.”

“We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean. Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring. You know I didn't want to have to haunt you, but what a ghostly scene. You wear the same jewels that I gave you, as you bury me.”

“And you can aim for my heart, go for blood. But you would still miss me in your bones. And I still talk to you... (When I'm screaming at the sky!) And when you can't sleep at night... (You hear my stolen lullabies!)“

“You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same. Cursing my name, wishing I stayed. You turned into your worst fears. And you're tossin’ out blame, drunk on this pain. Crossin’ out the good years.”

mirrorball - 

“I'm a mirrorball. I can change everything about me to fit in. You are not like the regulars, the masquerade revelers. Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten.”

“And they called off the circus, burned the disco down. When they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns, I'm still on that tightrope. I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me. And I'm still a believer, but I don't know why. I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try. I'm still on that trapeze. I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me.”

seven -

“Please picture me in the trees. I hit my peak at seven feet in the swing over the creek. I was too scared to jump in. But I was high in the sky with Pennsylvania under me. Are there still beautiful things?”

“Sweet tea in the summer. Cross your heart, won't tell no other. And though I can’t recall your face, I still got love for you. Your braids like a pattern, love you to the Moon and to Saturn. Passed down like folk songs. The love lasts so long.”

“And I've been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted. Your dad is always mad and that must be why. And I think you should come live with me, and we can be pirates. Then you won't have to cry or hide in the closet.”

august - 

“But I can see us lost in the memory, August slipped away into a moment in time. 'Cause it was never mine. And I can see us twisted in bed-sheets, August sipped away like a bottle of wine. 'Cause you were never mine.”

“Back when we were still changin' for the better. Wanting was enough. For me it was enough. To live for the hope of it all. Canceled plans just in case you'd call, and say, ‘Meet me behind the mall.’ So much for summer love and saying ‘us’, ‘cause you weren't mine to lose.”

“Remember when I pulled up and said, ‘Get in the car’? And then canceled my plans just in case you'd call? Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all.”

this is me trying - 

“I've been having a hard time adjusting. I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting. I didn't know if you'd care if I came back. I have a lot of regrets about that. Pulled the car off the road to the lookout. Could've followed my fears all the way down.”

“They told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential. And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad. I have a lot of regrets about that. I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here. Pouring out my heart to a stranger, but I didn't pour the whiskey.”

“At least I’m trying.”

illicit affairs - 

“And that's the thing about illicit affairs, and clandestine meetings, and longing stares. It's born from just one single glance, but it dies and it dies and it dies! A million little times.”

“Take the words for what they are. A dwindling, mercurial high. A drug that only worked the first few hundred times.”

“And that's the thing about illicit affairs, and clandestine meetings, and stolen stares. They show their truth one single time, but they lie and they lie and they lie! A million little times.”

“And you wanna scream, ‘Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby". Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else. Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby". Look at this idiotic fool that you made me. You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else.’”

“‘And you know damn well, for you I would ruin myself a million little times.’”

invisible string - 

“Time, curious time, gave me no compasses, gave me no signs. Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?”

“Bad was the Blood of the song in the cab on your first trip to LA. You ate at my favorite spot for dinner. Bold was the waitress on our three-year trip, getting lunch down by the lakes. She said I looked like an American singer.”

“A string that pulled me out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar. Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire. Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons. One single thread of gold tied me to you.”

“Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart. Now I send their babies presents. Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial Park. Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven.”

mad woman - 

“What did you think I'd say to that? Does a scorpion sting when fighting back? They strike to kill, and you know I will. What do you sing on your drive home? Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn? Does she smile? Or does she mouth, ‘Fuck you forever’?”

“And there's nothing like a mad woman. What a shame she went mad. No one likes a mad woman. You made her like that. And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out, and you find something to wrap your noose around. And there's nothing like a mad woman.”

“Now I breathe flames each time I talk. My cannons all firin' at your yacht. They say ‘move on,’ but you know I won't. And women like hunting witches too. Doing your dirtiest work for you. It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together.”

“Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy. What about that? And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry.”

“I'm taking my time, ‘cause you took everything from me. Watching you climb over people like me. The master of spin has a couple side flings. Good wives always know. She should be mad, should be scathing like me, but no one likes a mad woman.”

epiphany - 

“Keep your helmet, keep your life, son. Just a flesh wound, here's your rifle. Crawling up the beaches now. ‘Sir, I think he's bleeding out!’ And some things you just can't speak about.”

“Something med school did not cover. Someone's daughter, someone's mother, holds your hand through plastic now. ‘Doc, I think she's crashing out!’ And some things you just can't speak about.”

“Only twenty minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany. Just one single glimpse of relief, to make some sense of what you've seen.”

“With you I serve, with you I fall down. Watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out.”

betty - 

“You heard the rumors from Inez. You can't believe a word she says most times, but this time it was true. The worst thing that I ever did, was what I did to you.”

“But if I just showed up at your party, would you have me? Would you want me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself, or lead me to the garden? In the garden, would you trust me if I told you it was just a summer thing? I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything, but I know I miss you!”

“I was walking home on broken cobblestones, just thinking of you when she pulled up like a figment of my worst intentions. She said, ‘James, get in, let's drive.’ Those days turned into nights. Slept next to her, but I dreamt o’ you all summer long!”

“Yeah, I showed up at your party, will you have me? Will you love me? Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings? I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything, but I know I miss you! Standin’ in your cardigan! Kissin' in my car again! Stopped at a streetlight, you know I miss you!”

peace - 

“But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade, ocean wave blues come. All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret. The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me. Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?”

“Your integrity makes me seem small. You paint dreamscapes on the wall. I talk shit with my friends, it's like I'm wasting your honor. And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences. Sit with you in the trenches. Give you my wild, give you a child. Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other. Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother. Is it enough? But there's robbers to the east, clowns to the West, I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best. But the rain is always gonna come if you're standin' with me.”

hoax - 

“You know I left a part of me back in New York. You knew the hero died so what's the movie for? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars, from when they pulled me apart. You knew the password so I let you in the door. You knew you won so what's the point of keeping score? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars, from when they pulled me apart. But what you did was just as dark. Darling, this was just as hard as when they pulled me apart.”

“My only one. My kingdom come undone. My broken drum, you have beaten my heart. Don't want no other shade of blue but you. No other sadness in the world would do.”

[stcfvnia]

...so I ended up editing Stef’s intro because of the changes made to her basics & backstory!! It’s almost the same, I just added the part about her birth mother dying & her father remarrying c: The bio is quite long so there’s a tldr at the bottom!

here it is!

&&. announcing her grace, ( stefania kalena czartoryska ), the ( 37 ) year old ( queen ) of ( poland ). she is often confused with ( anne hathaway ). some say that she is ( too stoic and altruistic  ), but she is actually ( clear-headed and meticulous ).

basics

Name: Stefania Kalena Czartoryska

Gender: Cisfemale

Place of Birth: Warsaw, Poland

Date of Birth: September 21, 1982

Age: 37

Title: Queen of Poland

Education: graduated with a double major in Political Science & International Relations from Oxford University

Positive Traits: clear-headed & meticulous

Negative Traits: stoic & altruistic

Birth Parents: (name to be updated) Czartoryska & Kazimierz Czartoryski (both deceased)

Stepmother: Simonetta Di Savoia-Czartoryska

Siblings: Samuel (full), Sasha (half) & Serafina (half)

introduction

Not every life starts on good note

Being the first born of Queen (name to be updated) and King Kazimierz,  it was a given that her parents showered her with their love and full attention. That did not change when her younger brother, Samuel, came along. It did change, however, in the year 1987 when her mother passed away. Stefania did not understand that concept. All she cared about at the time was that her mother never kissed her goodnight anymore.

Fortunately, their home did not stay cold forever. King Kazimierz remarried in the year 1990 and his second wife, Queen Simonetta of Italy made Stefania the love of a mother again. She may still hold her birth mother close to her heart but that did not mean that she didn't share the love she was capable of giving with her stepmother. She did, and she shared that love with her two step siblings as well.

but you have only one life to live,

It was also a given that there was pressure on Stefania’s shoulders. Her name alone reminded her of what she was supposed to do in her life which was to take over the throne and rule her country one day. It made sense, then, that she was given everything she needed to do that. She was given the best education, received assistance from the most notable tutors, had the most reliable ladies-in-waiting that one could ask for.

Being raised the way that Stefania led to some people wanting an out of their “calling” but that wasn’t the case for her. No, she wanted to live her life this way, to see how things are done, to have a say in how things are done and to give her people the sense of security and peace that she was fortunately born with. She wanted the power and was set on using it to make things better. The thing is she had only one life to live. Can she say that she was actually living it? The answer is no.

one chance to make it worthwhile,

Give a smile, shake some hands, engage in conversations and show your siblings what they should do.

For years, Stefania wanted to find a balance between doing what was expected of her and actually living her life but all her efforts were to no avail. It took one day filled with too much pressure and anxiety about the future to get her to set everything aside and to finally take the break that she deserved.You see, everyone has a breaking point and what caused Stefania to reach hers was an argument with her stepmother. Now, it was rare for her to ever answer back because she was honestly afraid of the queen at the time. However, she could not keep her mouth shut when she heard the words “You cannot make mistakes like this.” It was said after she was caught sneaking out of a palace guard’s room. She was twenty-two at the time.

She was tired of setting aside the things that she wanted to do all the time, and she hated that the one time she actually did something for herself, it led to her mother looking for a more “suitable” man for her. That’s was caused her to run away for a while. That’s when she started living her life.

For a year, she never stepped foot in their palace. Instead, she she travelled the world, attended the parties that she used to skip and ticked things off the bucket list she made when she was eighteen. Throughout that year, her name was not a stranger to the headlines and, obviously, Simonetta was not happy about this. Surprisingly, however, Kazimierz was. When she finally went home, the first words her father told her were it is about time you had a life outside this palace. That was the start of his support for her living a life that balances her responsibility and her fun.

one chance to get it right.

Unfortunately, that kind of life was not meant to last forever for Stefania and she knew that. She knew that there would come a day when she’d have to give up her fun for the sake of her responsibility, and she was willing to do so.

The thing is she had to do it sooner than she expected to. It was one thing to watch her father get weaker as the days pass, it was another to have to deal with his death and all the power that was in her hands. She didn’t give herself the chance to grieve. Instead, she put up a tough front, held on to her siblings as they grieved and assured them & her people that things will be okay.

Ever since, she either did not acknowledge or kept her sadness or fear to herself because she felt like doing otherwise will not do her people or her family any good. It may have been a heavy burden for her to carry but it was a price she was willing to pay.

So, your majesty, what are you going to do now?

tldr

She was named Stefania which, in Greek, means “crowned” so she had a daily reminder of her responsibility. It didn’t help that her parents (especially her mother) made her feel the pressure.

She rarely does things for herself like she has that “responsibility over me” mindset. One of the few times that she actually did that was with one of the royal guards. She was twenty-two at the time, so was he and they were in a relationship. It was going fine until she was caught sneaking out of his room lols so that didn’t end well for her or for him. It’s what led to her mother making it her personal mission to arrange an engagement for Stefania. She’s had her fair share of those engagements but none have worked out.

That argument with her stepmother after she got caught was what led her to run away. Like she wanted to live a life without any of the pressure so she spent a year traveling the world, partying, ticking off things on her bucketlist and doing things that caused her to be a headline a lot.

She thought that when she’d go home, she wouldn’t be the heir to the throne anymore but, surprisingly, her father supported her living a life like that. After years of doing nothing but what was expected of her, he felt like it was only fair that she get time off. So, with her support and despite being against Simonetta’s wishes, she lived a life with both responsibility and fun. As long as you don’t do anything too stupid was what her father always told her.

Then her father died which caused her to give up the fun part of her life. Don’t get wrong, she was willing to do it but she just had to do it sooner than she expected. Ever since, she’s had that “responsibility > me” mindset again and she does not show her siblings or her people if she’s feeling sad or afraid because, for her, doing so will not do them any good. It was a heavy burden for sure but she was willing to carry it on her own.

tidbits

She is very compassionate (sometimes too compassionate according to her mother). Think Princess Mia from the Princess Diaries Typical, I know (and a little funny now that her fc is Anne Hathaway) but she’s one of my inspos for Stef!!

She’ll do anything and everything for her people. And when she gets an idea that will be for their betterment, she won’t stop until she gets it done.

She rarely gets into arguments with people but when someone is being too cruel, she will not be able to keep her thoughts to herself.

She loves all her siblings with all her heart and whenever she feels like they need her, she’d cancel her plans for them. She’s the type of person who calls her friends out on doing something stupid only to support them right after. “As long as you’re not hurting anyone, yourself included.” - that’s what she always says.

She wanted to get married and have a family of her own before she took the throne but then things don’t always go as planned.

[jjdoggies-fanfics]

Prompt #57

Prompt: We Met Each Other At A Concert And Really Hit It Off, You Gave Me Your Number But When I Tried To Call You The Next Day, It Wasn’t Your Number. I’m Crushed Because You Obviously Gave Me The Wrong Number On Purpose. But We Just So Happen To See Each Other At Another Concert Months Later And It Turns Out You Fucked Up When You Typed It Into My Phone And You Were Bummed Because You Thought I Blew You Off

Diego has never been the type of person to get hung up on someone. Especially someone that he’d only met one time. But, she was different. Vanya was different than every other girl he’d ever been with, in the best possible way.

Most girls that went to rock concerts, at least the ones he went to, hardly ever actually knew what bands were even playing. But Vanya. She knew more than he ever had about the bands, telling him various stories from tours and meanings about songs he hadn’t thought of before. 

She’d also told him, about how she’d always wanted to start a band, but had never been able to find the right people.

As the concert, unfortunately, came to an end as Diego had never had such an enjoyable time talking to someone before, he started to work up the courage to ask Vanya for her number. But before he’d asked her, Vanya pulled a marker she’d had in her bag and stuck out her hand, telling him to write his number on her hand, mentioning that her phone had died a few hours ago.

When they parted ways, Vanya promising to call him the next day, once her phone was charged, Diego had been feeling pretty good about how things had gone between them. But, she never called. 

Not the next day. Or the day after. Or a week later. Or a month. Two months. Three.

Diego had nearly forgotten about her entirely, finally starting to move on from her, despite nothing too serious ever happening between them. That is until, there was another concert. The Cliff Edge. Vanya’s favorite band. 

He thought about canceling his ticket, not wanting to dredge up any more memories of her. Get caught up on her again. But, in the end, thankfully, he’d decided against it. Diego had ordered his ticket nearly a year in advance, he really liked them too, not his favorite, but up there, and he wanted to go.

So, he did.

And it was the best decision he’d ever made.

After about two hours of standing outside in the itchy grass, in the stupidly muggy heat, having been run into too many times and having several beers spilled onto him, barely listening to the two bands that he’d heard once or twice before opening for The Cliff Edge, someone about a half foot or so shorter than him, elbowed him, hard, into his stomach. If he hadn’t been pissed off already, he likely would’ve decked whoever had done it in their face.

Instead, when he looked at the culprit, expecting some pissy chick that was far too drunk to be in public, Diego was surprised to see a rather, and equally pissed, Vanya glaring at him. “Um, hi.” God he was lame, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“You know, Diego,” Vanya hissed at him, her glare set firmly on her face, “if you didn’t want to give me your number, you could’ve just told me. You didn’t have to give me a fake number.” Wait, what?

In an instant, she turned on her heel and took one stomping step away from him before he grabbed her wrist. Thankfully, Vanya didn’t cause a scene or wrench her wrist out of his grasp, instead just let him lead her into a less crowded section of the field silently.

The second they were practically alone, or at least out of earshot of most of the people around them, Vanya hissed at him, “What do you want Diego?”

“What do you mean I gave you a fake number?” he asked, because he was pretty sure he wrote his number on her hand correctly.

Vanya pulled her phone out of her bag, the same one she had last time, clicked on the screen a few times before whipping the screen around to show him the contact she had pulled up. 

Not Diego

(027)724-3156

And in an instant, Diego realized what had happened. “You typed it in wrong.” 

“No I didn’t.” Vanya sneered back, rolling her eyes with a huff, “I checked it like, ten times. That’s what you wrote.”

“No,” Diego countered, “the six is supposed to be an eight.”

“Well you wrote six.”

“I know, I wrote an eight.” 

“Well,” Vanya huffed, anger leaving, just leaving the residual confusion, “if you did write an eight and not a six, then how was there a six on my hand?”

Diego in turn huffed, frustration at their stupid situation growing, “Some of the ink must’ve rubbed off of your hand between the time I wrote it and you trying to call me.” He hadn’t about the marker rubbing off being a possible cause until the words fell out of his mouth, but once they did, it actually made a bit of sense. A lot of sense actually.

And Vanya seemed to be thinking the same thing, realizing that they’d both thought the other had blown them off. When, ironically, that was the opposite of what either of them wanted. She quickly typed something on her phone, presumably correcting the accidentally incorrect number, as a blush spread across her face. 

In an attempt to save both of them from any additional, and unneeded, embarrassment, Diego, once again, took a hold of Vanya’s wrist and pulled her back into the mass of people, pushing their way towards the front of the crowd, making sure he didn’t lose hold of her. Didn’t lose her again.

There were a few somewhat awkward moments once they reached the near front, neither moving all the much, eyes focused on the band on stage, both hesitant to make the first move. Diego felt Vanya’s fingers brush against his own as they slid into his hand, and suddenly her hand holding his was the only thing he could focus on. They only spent roughly 5 minutes pretending to watch the band, holding hands like embarrassed school children for 3 of those minutes, before Vanya pulled him with her, leading him back out of the crowd.

This time, Vanya lead them out of the gate for the ‘outdoor stadium’ and into the parking lot. As Vanya lead them through the lot, Diego realized they were going to pass his car. So right when they were about to, Diego pulled Vanya back slightly, stopping her from continuing through the parking lot, instead lifted up her small frame and put her on the hood of his car.

“Diego, what are you-” Vanya started, a slightly surprised yet excited look on her face, before Diego pressed another kiss to her lips, which she quickly returned. One kiss lead to two, and in less than a minute they were practically making out on top of Diego’s car.

After a few minutes of making out, only pulling away when their lungs started to burn from a lack of air, Diego asked, “Wanna get out of here?”

“Where would we go?” Vanya asked, a playful smile gracing her lips.

“Where ever we want.” Diego answered, lifting Vanya off the hood of the car and once her feet were on the ground he dug the keys out of his pocket, unlocking the car with a beep.

Vanya looked between Diego and the car with surprise, “Wait,” she started, “this is your car?”

“Of course it is,” Diego answered, if it weren’t for the smug look on his face, Vanya would’ve thought he was being a dick, “I wouldn’t make out on some random person’s car.” He ignored her flustered stammering in favor of sliding into the car and turning it on. The engine revving to life shook Vanya from her stammering and got her to get into the passenger seat of his car. Diego reached over and took a hold of one of her hands, pulling her attention to him, asking, “Ready?”

And she answered, “Ready.”

[violet-knox]

Skipping Breakfast

Year 6 - Chapter 29

Summary: You meet Severus after breakfast in the astronomy tower and discuss the conversation you had with James and Sirius the previous night.

Word count: 1692

Previous Chapter - Chapter 1

~

Stepping into the Great Hall, ready to devoir any pastry you could get your hands on, your eyes instinctively went to scan the Slytherins across the room as usual, searching for the familiar head of slick black hair. Slowing down, you stood at the edge of the Gryffindor table, feeling almost lost, as if you’d just walked into unfamiliar territory. Severus wasn’t there and his absence had broken your usual morning routine, leaving you feeling misplaced. Odd. He was always first to show up, you always finding a place across him, not the other way around.

Taking a seat, you kept your eye on the door hoping to see him walk through those big doors when your attention suddenly snapped back to the table before you, the smell of the freshly baked croissants and muffins capturing you like a moth to a flame. Reaching for the nearest plate, your hand hovers over the English biscuit as your head turning back to the door anxiously. Where is he? Everyone had begun eating, yet Severus was nowhere to be found.

Peering back down at the all those scrumptious looking treats, you quickly decided to grab what you could, stuffing them into your robe before placing a chocolate filled croissant into your mouth and stepping over the bench of the table, heading towards the door.

The conversation you’d had with him last night rung in your ear as you made your way to the courtyard. You couldn’t get the idea that he’d felt much more passionate about the interaction you’d had with Sirius and James than you thought. And if you knew anything about Severus, it was his inability to let things go. Quickly scurrying into the astronomy tower, you hoped your instinct was correct and he’d simply made his way here to met you instead of joining the rest of the population for breakfast.

Sure enough, the second you opened the door, your eyes landed on Severus standing over the ledge of the balcony, hands on the railing, peering down at the castle.

“You missed breakfast,” you said bringing his attention to you. Severus turned and saw you standing there, as if appearing out of thin air.

“So what happened yesterday?” he asked, avoiding your concern at his lack of interest in food. His demanding tone set you off a little as you took a step towards him. You could tell he was anxious, just as you’d predicted, unable to let go of what had happened yesterday evening.

“Severus, you need to eat,” you said taking out a muffin from your robe and stretching out your arm to hand it to him. 

“Stop avoiding my question (Y/N)!” he said, pushing the food away. Frowning, you took his hand and lead him to the corner where you took a seat, pulling him down with you. 

“Eat, and I’ll tell you,” you said calmly. Severus looked at the food in your hands before peering up at you with an annoyed look on his face. Knowing you were too stubborn to let go of the ridiculous notion of eating breakfast, he finally took the muffin and began nibbling at it in defeat. Beaming triumphantly, you began to tell him what had happened last night when James and Sirius approached you.

“James thinks that I won’t let him on the team now that I’m Captain. Not that it matters now anyways since Quidditch is cancelled.” A look of longing splattered over your face as if you were talking about a loved one you hadn’t seen in years.  

“What did Black want?” he asked with a mouth full of food, ignoring the disappointed tone in your voice. You looked up at him, his eyes so focused on you and your words, his brows furrowed in such a concentrated way. You weren’t stupid, you knew what he was after, what he wanted to hear, you just weren’t interested in talking down or complaining about others, even if they did cause you to hurt.

“He was just accompanying James, you know the two of them never go anywhere without each other,” you said as you looked down at your lap, your fingers playing with the laces of your shoes. 

“There’s something else,” Severus said, swallowing his food. “Tell me what he said,” he demanded. You looked up at him in irritation. If you didn’t want to revisit the memory of last night, then you shouldn’t have to, especially not for the purpose he was after.

“It’s nothing,” you mumbled, “Really Sev. They were just acting like the gits that they are. Nothing I can’t handle.” You tried to give him a reassuring smile, hoping it would put a stop to this uncomfortable conversation, but you could tell its effect were less than convincing as his rage became quite apparent after he finished his food. 

“What did he say to you?” Severus couldn’t help his attitude despite the fact that he could see your evident despair as he spoke to you. Potter had always been cruel to him, ever since the first day they’d met on the Hogwarts express, and Black had done nothing more than join his friend in his crusade to make Severus’ life a living hell. But the idea that they’d shifted their aim towards you was something he just couldn’t stand the thought of.

You sighed before giving in, hoping that he wouldn’t overreact when you told him. “Just the usual rubbish about me betraying Gryffindor.”

Severus shook his head in anger, but as you grabbed his hand and he looked into your softened eyes, he couldn’t help but relax his tensed shoulders, feeling his spite towards Black and Potter melt away. Taking a deep breath, he slowly curled his fingers around your hand in return, feeling a small tug at the corner of his lips as he admired your caring touch. 

“You sure you handled it?” he whispered, worried that your encounter with the boys would lead to something worse.

“Yes,” you replied softly. You smiled, genuinely this time as your free hand went up to brush hair out of his face, your fingers gently following his hairline. You paused after tucking his hair behind his ear as your eyes met once more. Quickly retreating your hand from the cusp of his silky hair, you prayed he hadn’t noticed the accidental flirtatious move you’d just made. “I’m sure that it’ll all cool down until next year when I hold trails and James realizes I’m not out to get him.”

“Wait,” he said pulling back from you, his lips twitching in surprise, “you won’t bring him back onto the team will you?” 

“He’s a really good seeker Severus, I’d be really stupid if I kicked him off the team,” you started, “Unless I find someone better, yes he’ll play next year.”

“Why would you do that?” he raised his voice, unable to comprehend why you would treat Potter with any sort of kindness. “After everything he has done. Everything he has done to you nonetheless, why would you give him what he wants.”

You frowned in disappointment as Severus let out a huff of frustration. Of course, you hadn’t forgotten everything James and his friends have done, the pranks the comments thrown your way, even more so directed towards Severus. But to throw such an opportunity to waste, to abuse the power you’d received as Team Captain, was an absurd expectation, even if it did stem from the hatred you knew Severus felt towards James.

“It’s not about me Severus. It’s about what’s best for Gryffindor and if that means James staying on the Team, then so be it.” It was clearly that Severus didn’t understand your point of view as you could see his anger bubbling to the surface again. “Look, Sev,” you quickly tried to reason with him before the argument you could see coming broke out, “we can’t bully them in return. That’s not the answer. It would only make the situation worse if I showed any sort of bias during trials.”

“But if he wasn’t on the team, you would see less of each other,” he tried to convey the benefits you could take advantage of from being Captain, picking who you pleased. He could only imagine what he would do with such power if he were in your place.

“I highly doubt that. He’s still in Gryfindor remember. Besides, if I kicked him off the team, he would probably torment me more than usual to get back at me. Is that what you want?”

His shoulders dropped, realizing you were right. Knowing Potter, he’d dedicate the year to making your life a living hell if you took away the one thing that gave him the praise he seemed to so desperately crave.

“No,” Severus softened his gaze as he suddenly felt the overwhelming need to protect you wash over him at the mention of harm coming your way. “Of course not. It’s just-” he looked down, trying to think of any other logical reason to get back at Potter without opening the possibility of some foolish battle breaking out between you all. “I guess you’re right,” he whispered. 

Giggling you lifted his chin, seeking to capture his gaze as you give him a gentle smile. “It doesn’t change anything,” you said softly, caressing his cheek, “We’ll be out of here in two years’ time, and we don’t ever have to see any of them again,” you said optimistically.

Scoffing at you comment, Severus found himself unable to detach from the enchanting grace encircling your eyes. He continued to lose himself as he felt your fingers lightly graze across his skin as his cheeks burned red in fluster, wanting to hold you in his arms and tell you everything he felt., dreaming to hear you felt the same way. But he couldn’t, not when there was a chance you’d feel appalled by the idea of being with him, ruining your friendship as he did with Lily. He didn’t want to lose you too, but he couldn’t help but wish that the opportunity would come and one day both find yourselves as more than friends.

~

Next Chapter

~

@hoppingsnape @dusk-realm @a-slytherin-sin @trashandshook @gbatesx @sneezy-s @emsdroid @leah-halliwell92 @dellightfullydeceitful @xxaamzxx @sparklingkeylimepie

[d-noona]

MAKE OVER

Chapter 16: New Year’s Eve | FINAL

Jung Hoseok x Reader

Reader as Kang Hyeonji

SUMMARY: When Kang Hyeonji transformed herself into a striking redhead, the entire male population of Seoul stood up and took notice. But her make over was for Jung Hoseok’s benefit alone. He began to show interest in the new look but not in the way she wanted. Suddenly he was over-protective, perhaps a little jealous. It seemed that the idea of having a relationship with her couldn’t be further from his mind. The girl however wants more. So it was time for an ultimatum. If Hoseok didn’t want Hyeonji to lose her virginity to another admirer, he had no option but to make love to her himself.

The party was in full swing, a large motley collection of people having gathered in the Jung's house to celebrate New Year's Eve, plus the engagement of Hoseok to his long-time girlfriend slash next door neighbor, Kang Hyeonji.

As the glamorous guest of honor, the happy couple were dressed for the part. The proud groom-to-be was resplendent in stylish Balenciaga navy trousers, an open neck Gucci blue shirt and a suave cream silk sports jacket by Supreme. is bride-to-be was stunning in a strapless party dress of emerald satin by Chanel, with an even more stunning emerald and gold choker gracing her elegant neck. It had been a Christmas present from her adorning fiance, one of many he'd lavished on her during the past year.

Hoseok had, in fact spoiled Hyeonji rotten with gifts of expensive clothes and jewelry, not to mention his myriad smaller purchases of chocolates, flowers and perfume. He'd taught her to drive in his precious car, and would've bought him a new car if she'd let him. Then there were the fantasy getaways he'd taken her on, weekends here and there at romantic places designed to seduce and soften even the hardest of hearts. Not that Hyeonji was a hard girl. Hoseok knew she wasn't.

But she'd been surprisingly difficult to win, he'd found to his consternation. He'd never been quite sure of her feelings. She'd keep him dangling, had often been late for dates, and had sometimes even dared to cancel them. He'd never quite known where he stood with her, which had been both irritating and intriguing. Only in the love making department had he been sure of his domination over her. There, she was a putty in his hands, melting at his touch, quick to be aroused and always willing, no matter how often he wanted her, or where.

She'd never said no, even when there;d been some danger of being discovered. His choosing precarious places, such as behind rocks at the beach or in a sparsely filled movie theater - had sometimes soothed the sense of emotional insecurity she instilled in him, he'd almost felt loved. There'd been no doubt she craved him sexually; could not deny him. But was that love?

Till Christmas Day, when he'd produced an engagement ring for her which would have done Elizabeth Taylor proud. It was huge brilliant-cut yellow Argyle diamond, set in white gold. But it had been his words as he'd given it to her that had seemed to do the trick. "This cost me a fortune, Hyeonji," he said. "But a fortune means nothing to me without you. Marry me, my darling. I love you so much and I think you love me. You don't have to say you do if you don't want to but it would be nice, just once, to hear it from your lips."

Hyeonji had stared at him and then burst into tears. He gathered her to him and heard the words he'd been dying to hear all year. "Of course I love you. Don't you know that yet? I love you, Hoseok. With all of my heart, I love you. I love you..."

He looked over at her now across the crowded living room and caught her eye. She smiled at him, brown eyes sparkling. It wasn't so much different from the smiles she'd given him before, but tonight he saw the love in them. Why hadn't he seen it before? Hoseok was about to walk across the room to join her when someone tapped him on the elbow.

"Hello, you gorgeous hunk, you. If I wasn't married, you know, I'd given Hyeonji a run for her money." It was Choon Hee, from the library. One of Hyeonji's best friends.

Hoseok smiled "You would have to be good."

Choon Hee nodded up and down. "You're right. Hyeonji's a grand girl and I'm very happy for her. You don't know how lucky you are."

"Oh, I think I do..."

"She's loved you for so long, you know." says Choon Hee

Hoseok was about to say he didn't know at all when he stopped himself. It was then he realized Choon Hee was off in another world, smiling at something in her head.

"I can still remember the day she came into the library and told me about Mr X. You must remember Mr X, Hoseok," she added, glancing up at him.

"Only too well," Hoseok said dryly, and he lifted the glass he was holding to his lips.

Choon Hee chuckled. "I nearly cracked up when she told me about him, especially when she said you hadn't twigged. I mean...you have to admit it's very funny, but rather typical of men, not seeing beyond their nose. But I dare say you've laughed together about it since."

"Laughed about what?"

"About you being Mr X, of course."

Hoseok's drink froze midway to his mouth. He stared at Choon Hee over the glass. She grimaced, then groaned. "Oh, dear heaven, you didn't know. I always assumed she'd told you. Oh Lord!"

Hoseok could hardly think. He was Mr X. His head spun with the news, and all it implied. Hyeonji had loved him all along. But she'd also lied to him, laughed at him, manipulated him. She'd been a schemer, as Tinashe had warned she was. He recoiled at his thought, and his feelings showed on his face.

"Don't you dare take that attitude," Choon Hee warned.

"Dont you DARE! That girl loves you. No, she adores and worships you. Always has done. But did you ever see it? Not on your nelly! You sailed on through your glamorous privileged life, tossing her a few crumbs from your table when it suited you. You didn't give a fig for her feelings. You took her for granted and you broke her heart."

"But that's not..."

"Oh, shut up and listen!" Choon Hee snapped. "So what if she protected her self-esteem by inventing Mr X? So what if she had some fun with it? She'd had little enough fun in her life at that point in time. Give credit where credit is due, Hoseok. When she saw her chance she went after what she wanted. She changed for you, lied for you, fought for you. And she won you, by God - won your love and your respect. Look at her, Hoseok. She's beautiful and very brave woman; a woman in a million. Don't you dare tell her I told you about Mr X. Don't take her pride. Go on letting her think you believe she once had a Mr X in her life, because maybe she needs that Maybe she...Oh my God, she's coming over. Promise me, Hoseok. Promise me, you won't tell her I told you."

"I promise Choon," he said faithfully. "And thank you...for making me finally see the light."

Hoseok watched the girl he loved walk towards them, a lovely smile on her lovely face. He felt humbled and incredibly moved as the full import of Choon Hee's words sank in. Hyeonji had always loved him. Oh, how cruel life could be sometimes. And how wonderful. He saw now why he loved her so much. Because she loved him so much. He must have sensed in it at some subconscious level, had known that to let her go would be the worst, most stupid thing he could ever do. He vowed now he'd never let her go. Never.

"What are you two sneaky devils talking about over here?" she asked, glancing from one to another. "You two were looking rather very serious, Choon Hee. You too love."

Hoseok's heart kicked over. Never had the word "love" on her lips sounded so sweet, or so touching. He wound his arm around her slender waist and pulled her against him. "We were having a very serious discussion on having children in this day and age, weren't we Choon?"

Choon Hee laughed. He could see the flicker of surprised pleasure in her eyes "I've been wanting to discuss children with you. I would like to have a baby quite soon, but I wasn't sure about you..."

No, he thought, understanding dawning. She still wasn't sure of him. It was a cruel legacy of all those years when he hadn't noticed her, hadn't wanted her. That's why she kept him unsure. She'd been protecting herself, had made him keep proving his love over and over. There was still a lot of work to be done, he realized, before she would feel totally secure in his love. But having children together would be a good start. He gave her a reassuring smile, and a loving squeeze.

Hyeonji gave a self-conscious laugh. "How about nine months after the wedding day?"

"How about six?" he returned, squeezing her again. The wedding date has been set in March.

"I think this conversation is getting too private for me," Choon Hee exited.

"Hoseok laughed "I like your Choon Hee. I think we'll ask her to be Godmother to our first child."

"Our...first child?"

"You don't honestly think we're going to have only one child, do you? Only children are notoriously spoiled."

"Yes, well..."

He kissed her. Then kissed her again. "Wanna get out of here?" he murmured

"Where?"

"Your room" Hoseok smirked.

Hyeonji sucked in a startled breath. "Mine? But it...it only has a single bed in it."

Hoseok took her hand and began drawing her from her room. "Single beds were just made for lovers." Hoseok loved her, Hyeonji, the simple, solid girl who'd always loved him. He would make sure she would never doubt it again, and he would never cause her to.

Midnight came with cheers and shouts, whistles and car horns. People spilled out of houses into the streets below. Everyone was kissing.

No one missed the guests of honor.

Back to Masterlist

[1p2p-heta-imagines]

(I hope this is to your satisfaction! 🖤 I have no idea how proposals work as you’ll probably see)

It was the middle of the afternoon, a time that was typically the hottest. However, since it was Autumn, the sun was starting to rest in preparation for long Winter night. It was already beginning to get cold, a fact some didn’t like and others loved.

Luciano closed the door to his home behind him, carrying a few bags in the crook of his right arm - as he just went to the shop - and a phone in the other, talking to someone.

“I’m asking for a single day where you don’t fuck everything up, that’s it. I’m not willing to discuss this. Try not to forget anything, don’t be stupid. Bye,” he threw the phone onto the couch in the living room, “Are you still home, caro?”

“I’m setting up for dinner!” His boyfriend replied followed by loud clattering coming from the dining room. He appeared in the door way, an awkward yet loving smile gracing his face.

“You’re making dinner? I thought we were going to the new restaurant over there? That’s why I cancelled most of my work?” Luciano asked, confused at the sudden change in their plans.

“We were, I’ve got some important things to do at home! I promise that you won’t regret spending time at home with me!” His lover exclaimed in a frantic kind of way. His smile grew more and more awkward, clearly worrying about something.

“I never regret spending time with you, caro.” He replied, placing a quick kiss on their cheek, hoping he would calm down a little. It seemed to work, thankfully, as he let out an embarrassed laugh and mumbled a few words about ‘being too kind’.

The two men went to do their respective tasks. Luciano went to the library to read until dinner was ready and his boyfriend, for some reason, went to make dinner. Luciano always questioned why he made dinner when he could have someone make it for the both of them.

Dinner took approximately 45 minutes to make, as lasagna typically did, and neither could be more happy to sit at the table and talk about life with each other while eating dinner.

“I really didn’t expect it to happen but it certainly wasn’t bad! I’m telling you, you need to watch it!” His boyfriend rambled on about a show they were currently obsessed with. Luciano nodded along, showing that he was still in the conversation as he ate.

“I will, I promise. We’ll find a day that we can watch it together, maybe tonight.” He smiled, he adored seeing his boyfriend so passionate about something they clearly held close to their heart.

“Tonight sounds good! I’ll tell you everything you need to know about the characters!” His lover practically shouted, he always got a little too loud when they were overexcited. He seemed to realize it and apologized, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Don’t apologize, I think it’s cute to see you so happy. Anyway, amuse me. What was so important? You said you needed to stay home.” He inquired, placing his finished plate to the side of him.

His boyfriend jumped up when he realized what he forgot to do, patting the sides of his jeans to try and find something until, finally. He pulled out something Luciano couldn’t quite see as they were on the other side of the table. His boyfriend quickly rushed over to the other side and pulled Luciano to his feet in a hurried way.

“I have a feeling this isn’t how-“

“Shhh. I love you but shhh. This is important. For both of us,” His boyfriend got on one knee, “I’ve loved you since I can remember. You’re the only one I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. You mean the world to me, I could never explain how much I truly love you with just words so... I hope a ring is enough to show it... Will you marry me?”

The two stayed in silence for a few minutes, a hope-filled smile on one face and a shocked expression on the other. A pin could drop and it would be heard in the silence that drowned the room.

After a few minutes, Luciano opened his mouth yet no words came out. He tried again and again to get one simple word out but it wouldn’t work. So, he decided to go for the next best thing: throwing his boyfriend into a hug and nodding his head while crying hysterically.

“I got worried you ere going to say no for a second...” His boyfriend admitted, rubbing circles on Luciano’s back to try and get him to calm down.

“I love you...” The first words Luciano managed to say. The words he had said so many times before yet never carried as much meaning as this very moment. The words he thought to be an empty promise until now. The words he would never regret saying to his now fiancé.

“I love you too, I hope that’s pretty clear.” His fiancé joked, placing small fluttering kisses on Luciano’s face as he began to stop crying.

Luciano has lived for centuries, many things being forgotten in his life. And yet, he knew that this would stay in his heart forever. He knew nothing would ever top the moment of seeing his fiancé drop to his knee and bring out a beautiful ring and ask that fated question he thought he’d never hear. It was Heaven on earth today, he was sure.

“I know I said I’d take just a day off but what’s the harm in taking a week?” He asked, wiping a few of his fiancé’s tears away. He wasn’t sure when they had started crying but he was sure he loved them with all of his heart.

[bthenoise]

Warped Memories: Read What Members of Bad Religion, The Used, Thrice & More Picked As Their Favorite Warped Moments

Photos by Aaron Birkshire & Braina Bonilla

If you’ve ever attended the Vans Warped Tour, there’s a very good chance you’ve accumulated some sort of life-long memory. Be it positive or negative, it’s difficult to walk through Kevin Lyman’s world-renowned punk rock summer camp and not take away something memorable.

Like most of you reading this at home, the bands who have graced the Warped Tour stages throughout its illustrious 25-year career have also garnered some pretty special memories as well. 

Talking with some Warped Tour alum like members of Bad Religion, The Used, Thrice, August Burns Red and more at their recent stop at the last-ever Mountian View appearance, we were able to gather some pretty interesting Warped stories – like riding motorcycles backstage, avoiding life-threatening storms and more.  

To read what the seasoned musicians had to say about their unforgettable summers on the Warped Tour plus their heartfelt goodbye to Lyman’s influential and iconic festival, be sure to see below. For more Warped Tour coverage, head here.  

Brian Baker - Bad Religion

Favorite Warped Memory

‘98 Warped Tour, Montreal. Something was wrong with our gear and Greg  [Graffin, vocalist] started singing “Generator” a cappella - it sounded like every single person in Quebec was singing with him! Whatever was broken got fixed just in time for the band to come in right at the first chorus - a bit of accidental showmanship that was so cool we did it on purpose after that for many years.

Least Favorite Warped Memory

Somewhere in the Midwest, 2004 Warped Tour. Riding my Honda 50 drunk at night at top speed into a chain stretched across the road right about chest high. Ouch.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

I’m not sure what year it was but when The Damned came on for some dates I went straight fanboy and would even hang out near their bus hoping to strike up a conversation. Best punk band ever.

Final Words To Warped Tour

So long and thanks for all the shoes!

Jeph Howard - The Used

Favorite Warped Memory

I have a shit memory, it's so bad, and every kind of tour blurs together. Like, I barely remember anything other than backstages or like, the friends that were on that tour or something like that. But you know, maybe my favorite memory might be -- we've had a lot of good times on Warped Tour. We've met a lot of good people. We toured with a lot of cool bands. Like, we're friends with all the people and production. We're friends with everybody, you know? They kind of saw us come up in that sense. So I'll go and hang with people in production. This is a long story, I guess. 

So it's cool to reconnect and come back every year and say hi to these friends. That's kind of my favorite memory of Warped Tour as a whole. I know that’s not picking a specific time period, which if I could go back to like the first Warped Tour, [that] would maybe be my favorite only because it was so exciting and different and new and we didn't really know it was going on. And all of a sudden, playing Warped Tour, people are watching us play. Because nobody really gave a shit, you know, like we had some songs [but] nobody was coming to watch. And it was chill, but playing Warped Tour, it was like it was almost spreading us out there and helping us get out. Which is the same case with all these other bands that are kind of starting out from the ground. 

Least Favorite Warped Memory

Warped Tour is long and it's hot and it's sweaty. We live on a bus, it's hard to shower, it's hard to live. You have a toilet you can pee in and that's about it. It's not easy to be on a tour like Warped tour but that's what you put up with, that's what you do in order to get what you want. Warped Tour is so much fun because of the camaraderie of all the bands together. It's like a family vibe and that's really exciting but there are some downfalls. 

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

One time on Warped Tour, AFI just played and we were walking to the stage. You have a small time in between [sets] -- I think it's like 15 minutes in between bands or something. So in between those 15 minutes from our bus to the stage, the sky turned black and all of a sudden tents started getting ripped up out of the ground right in front of us. Like it was that quick and it went from someone playing to like, craziness. On our way to the stage, they canceled the whole show and then it just started pouring rain for the rest of the day. Just like swamp water. We were supposed to stay on the bus I think because it was pretty much tornado weather. It happened a couple of times.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

You know, I didn't really pay attention. I don't do well, I'm doing better now, but I didn't use to do very well around people. I got stressed out by them. But now, I've kind of figured out my ways around human beings. No offense to you guys if you're human at all. But I've kind of figured my own thing out and coming up on tours back then when I was younger, I was just kind of stressed out all the time. Like, I was still good at being friends, well trying to be friends with people. You know, I was kind of an idiot -- which is the case for anybody at that kind of time period. You live and learn. You do stupid stuff to learn not to do stupid stuff. 

Final Words To Warped Tour  

See you next time. They'll do a 30th [year anniversary], they'll do a 35th [year anniversary], I'm guessing. You know, it is cool though because I get it. That last Warped Tour, that was the last Warped Tour. These two shows they did, they're not part of Warped Tour. This is an anniversary to celebrate what Warped Tour was. Totally cool. I'm all about that. You know, do it [again] in five years. That's totally chill. 26th [year anniversary] and 27th [year anniversary] might be weird, but 25 is totally cool.

Yungblud

Favorite Warped Memory

Probably going out with Good Charlotte to sing [“Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous”] in Maryland. And then also going out with Simple Plan that night as well. They were just like, “Yo, we love your shit, you wanna come on stage?” And I was like, “Yes.”

Least Favorite Warped Memory

Our bus toilet flooded and there was piss all over the floor.

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

I saw someone get dropped kicked in a mosh pit. I think it was Twiztid. I can't remember though.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

Good Charlotte. It was mad. I [was] like, “Shit. Wow!”

Final Words To Warped Tour

I gotta say, man, the legacy will live on. This scene is not dead. It's just been sleeping for a bit but I can see it waking up really soon.

Cody Carson - Set It Off

Favorite Warped Memory

I'm gonna have to do two; one as playing, one as a spectator. My favorite Warped Tour memory as playing was probably, we were playing in Orlando when it was the official last Warped Tour full coast to coast. So we were playing Orlando, which we're all from Florida, and we were the last band to play that night. So playing as the sun was setting for all the crowd and knowing that we were the last band, and we used to go to those Warped Tours, was just a really monumental moment for us. So I think that was just really crazy. That was my favorite for sure. But as a spectator, I’d have to say my first mosh pit. In the early 2000s, Avenged Sevenfold was on [Warped] and they played the song “Chapter Four.” I got pushed into the mosh pit, I got my phone knocked out of my pocket, almost got attacked by a guy who had a lightsaber [laughs]. That was another really great, fond memory. So many great times at Warped Tour.

Least Favorite Warped Memory 

As a spectator, it's bittersweet. I was in the front row for My Chemical Romance and I remember being in the front row for like, Fall Out Boy [too]. The crowd was crazy. You’re packed in, you can't use your arms and you move like a wave of sardines. So I didn't make it through Fall Out Boy long before I had to crowd surf and get the fuck out. So for MCR, I was going to stick around. I made it about 4-5 songs in, they played “Thank You For The Venom” and everything went crazy. So I had to get out of that and I remember having a crazy panic attack, but that's not my worst. It was just like a moment of absolute fright but it was incredible at the same time.

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

When I think of that, I think of injury. And when I think of injury, I think of my worst injury I had on Warped Tour which was, it's so lame how it happened. So I get kind of pushy with people if they're not moving [in the crowd]. I'm like, “I want you to move, I want you to jump.” I saw one girl that was the front row obviously not there for us, arms crossed like, “I'm not jumping.” So I was like, “I want to fuck with this person.” So I came down, I jump from the stage down to the barricade, which is about like an eight-foot drop. Totally fine. And then I walked up to the barricade, which has like this one-foot step, and I grabbed her hand and I started jumping with her. She was not having it. She was not a fan at that point. But I did my best. I jumped off the one-foot step and I land wrong and I roll my ankle. I sprained the fuck out of it [laughs]. It happened during the second song and I had to hobble around the rest that set. [My ankle] was like super black, but that also made me think of a storm. So we were playing in New Orleans, I think a couple days after [my injury], and there was this crazy thunderstorm. Everyone was terrified, but I'm from like Clearwater, Florida, and we're just used to that shit. So I was like, “eh, it's a Thursday."

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

I remember the first one to me was Fall Out Boy because I got in line with a white t-shirt to have them sign it. But to play with? Oh goodness. Weirdly enough, Less Than Jake. [I’m a] huge ska fan. I remember, we were on tour and I saw their singer and I just was a total nerd and was like, “Hey I just wanted you to know that I really love your band.” And you could tell he was being very polite and he was like, “Thank you so much.” And I was like, “I totally just weirded that guy out.” But JR, he's a saxophone player. I'm a woodwind player myself, so I got to nerd out with him. But I'm a huge Less Than Jake fan. So I think that was the first one I got really nervous for.

Final Words To Warped Tour

God, that's sad to say. My final farewell words are thank you for the culture you've cultivated, for the community you've created and the overall home that you allowed us to walk into for all of us outcasts that needed a place to vent. It will be missed sorely. Hopefully, this isn't the actual last time.

JB Brubaker - August Burns Red

Favorite Warped Memory

This is hard because I probably have a few. One Warped Tour memory that is one of the best for me is the end of Warped Tour 2013. We were playing in Houston and we were the last band to go on the main stage. So we closed out the final day of Warped Tour and I thought that was really cool and a special moment. I just felt proud that my band got to play last at Warped Tour. In 2008, we did Warped Tour for the very first time and that was an incredibly fun experience for us because it was our very first time on a bus. We were so excited to be on Warped Tour [because] it was such a special tour for us that we had always wanted to do and we couldn't believe we were on it. It was just non-stop hangs and partying and it was one of the most fun tours of my life [even though] we only got to play on the first 12 shows. I remember we were just like begging to stay on the tour. We didn't get to stay on unfortunately but I remember just having the time of my life in 2008. 

Least Favorite Warped Memory

Some of my worst memories on Warped Tour were standing in the catering line in like Bonner Springs, Missouri in 95-degree weather while it was just super humid and hot. That was pretty miserable. Like, the dog days of Warped, you know? I mean, when just the weather's hot and you're in the thick of it standing in line for catering is definitely like the worst part of Warped Tour. That takes its toll.

Most Epic Warped Tour Memory

My most epic Warped Tour moment I believe was in 2015. We were playing in Orlando, Florida and a massive thunderstorm blew in right as our set was kind of finishing up. We got to finish our set but like right after we ended, the festival got shut down for a bit. Our photographer Ray Duker took this crazy photo of us of [with] like this ominous dark sky and just a mob of people. It was just like a cool photo. It looks sick. That's probably our most epic moment that I can think of off the top of my head.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

In 2002, I was a senior in high school. I went to Warped Tour in Camden, New Jersey and I met Matt Skiba from Alkaline Trio who was like a hero of mine at the time and they're one of my favorite bands. I got him to sign my CD and then I asked them if they were gonna play “Radio.” And he said, “Do you want us to play it?” And I'm like, “Yeah, I'd love that.” He's like, “Yeah, we'll play it for you.” And then they played it. Now, I don't know if they were going to play it regardless but it was still really cool the way he framed it and made me feel special. So that's something I'll never forget. And then I also met Geoff [Rickly], the singer of Thursday, also in 2002. I got him to sign my CD. Full Collapse was like a huge album for me at the time and he wrote on it, “Thanks for caring” which I thought was awesome. That kind of stayed with me and I've written it out on a lot of CDs I've signed over the years and that kind of left a lasting impression on me. That was a cool memory. I have way more good memories than bad.

Final Words To Warped Tour

Man, Warped Tour's been huge for my band. Huge for a ton of bands. Huge for me as a fan coming up. It's sad that this is really the end. It's sad. I feel like they should just keep rolling out like a couple cities per year and just keep it going. I don't know if that's the case or not but if this is the last one ever, thanks for the memories. It's been awesome.

Garrett Russell - Silent Planet

Favorite Warped Memory

My best Warped Tour memory is the last Warped show I actually played, which was the last day of the 2017 Warped Tour in Pomona, California. A lot of friends we’re there, the show was crazy and then it was just such a relief to be done with the tour. So that was definitely the best. 

Least Favorite Warped Memory

The worst was probably playing a handful of shows in 2016 and we did not have [air conditioning]. So we were not sleeping at all and we were just sweating a bunch. We were super miserable. We made the best of it but I definitely lost my voice. It was rough. 

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

In North Carolina in 2016, the storm was so bad that like 20 people lost their tents. Like, they just literally flew up into the sky. We were holding [our tent] down with like six other people we found and it felt like we were in like a 300 battle scene.

Final Words To Warped Tour

Warped Tour: You're very hot and I met a lot of sketchy dudes with tattoos but the mission that Kevin Lyman has and all the work that he does to partner with a charity and nonprofits is incredibly admirable. Definitely what this music scene should be about.

Riley Breckenridge - Thrice

Favorite Warped Memory

I think our first Warped Tour we did was in 2001 and we were in a van and trailer. It's a rough tour to do in that manner and we were exhausted. I think one of the last shows on the tour was in Denver and we were pretty young in our touring career and didn't really know like, where people cared about us or didn't care about us. We played one of the later sets in the day on like a side stage in 2001 and the crowd was just insane. The turnout was great and we honestly expected to play to nobody because you got the main stage bands that are finishing the day out. So to experience that at that time in our career was super encouraging and that kind of set the tone for Denver as a place for us to go in the future. Like, we've never had a crappy show in Denver. It's always been cool. That's probably my earliest and most favorite memory. But I mean, playing hometown shows on Warped was always awesome [too]. Being a part of these two twenty-fifth anniversary things have been awesome. There's never a downside to playing to thousands and thousands of people, you know?

Least Favorite Warped Memory

I have a few. If there's like a constant bad memory, it's just like trying to find a place to go to the bathroom. I mean [with] porta-potties, try to hit ‘em early. If you don't hit ‘em early, you got to deal with whatever everybody else has been offering for the day -- or the weekend, in this case. My worst memory, personally, in 2003 I hurt my back really bad. I had an old skateboarding injury where I screwed up something in my back, didn't have health insurance at the time, was young and naive and was like, “It'll just get better” ‘cause that's how you get better when you're young. So I screwed my back up pretty bad and it went away. But it was bothering me when I was playing drums and bothering me in my everyday life. And we were playing the Gorge in Washington in 2003 and I went into one of the bays on the bus to grab my suitcase and I yanked it out and I felt something pop in my back. I was like, “Oh man, that's not good.” This is pre-set. And so we play our set that night and I was in pain the entire set. The next day we played in Oregon, I could barely get through the set. Like, I could barely move my legs, my arms felt weird, my neck felt weird. I just felt awful.

So then after that show, we had like a 12-13 hour bus ride from Oregon back home for I think a day off and then we were playing like Orange County and Ventura or something like that. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee. I got up out of my bunk and I felt like the same shooting pain [in my back]. I walked into the front lounge and I immediately crumbled to the floor and I had to lay on one of the couches in the front lounge. I could not get up, could not move. It was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

I ended up going straight from the bus to a chiropractor who worked on me for like five or six hours, massages and all this stuff. He couldn't get me to a place where I was able to play those hometown shows so the guys had to play acoustic, which ended up being a really special moment for the band as that was a different way of presenting our songs. But being laid up at home or being in a therapist’s office and trying to get better to a point where I could play knowing my buddies are out playing in front of thousands of people having these cool moments and I wasn't there to help them or give the fans a normal show was really tough. Thankfully, I had a magical chiropractor who got me back into semi-working order in like three or four days and then I joined the tour again three or four days later and finished it out. Since then my back's been manageable but not great. I just have to take care of it. But missing those home town shows when the band was at the peak of its popularity was really hard. [The chiropractor] is a wizard. His name's Dr. G. He works on all these pro skaters, surfers, MMA guys. He had worked on a bunch of drummers like Travis Barker. Thankfully he's local, I still go see him pretty regularly.

Most Brutal Warped Tour Memory

There was a crazy storm one year in, I want to say Buffalo. It could have been on that 2003 tour or it might have been on like 2005 or 2006, the other year we did it. The sky looked ominous all day and right as we started playing, it started pouring. I think either a stage or something close to the stage got hit by lightning so our set got cut short. Merch areas were flooding, it was just chaos. Like you've got however many people coming to these shows depending on the market and it was just pandemonium. Like, people trying to relocate and [do] damage control [because] they don't want anybody to get hit by lightning or you got people like trampling people to get out of the way. It was chaotic. They pulled us off stage. I think we were hiding on the bus or something. I can't recall if we finished the set later, or how they resolved that, but you can't control the weather.

Who was the first band you remember being starstruck by or just excited to be spending the summer with on Warped Tour?

Bad Religion, no question, NOFX [too]. Like, I was steeped in the Fat Wreck Chords and Epitaph bands of the early 90s and mid-90s. So any band that was on that label I was starstruck by. But Bad Religion and NOFX were like the kings of that. Like Bad Religion is Epitaph and NOFX is Fat. So just to be around those dudes and see them play, they're so inspiring and so cool. We've had a few interactions with the NOFX camp. Not so much with Bad Religion, aside from being on Brett's label now. But I mean, those are the bands that made me want to be in a band. So being around and being able to watch them play is super cool, especially at that early point in [our] band's career. To get that kind of push and that kind of excitement, it's invaluable.

Final Words To Warped Tour

Oh, man. To put it simply, just thank you. Early on in our career, there was really no better way for us to get our music out to more people than to play Warped Tour. I've been going since it was called like, Bored in Orange County back in maybe ‘91 or ‘92 and it was early in my drumming career before Thrice was even a thought. Going to those shows, I was like, “Man, I want to do this someday” and then I remember going, I think it was probably like mid-90s three or four years before Thrice formed. I went to Warped Tour at the Anaheim Pond where the Ducks play and [I rememeber] watching the show and being like, “I want to do this, I want this to happen for whatever band I'm playing in.” And it ended up happening and it’s great. I mean, going back to the Denver show that I talked about, or the stuff in 2003 when stuff was really going crazy for us, even this stuff now. We're playing to people that have never seen us before. Like, they're Dance Gavin Dance fans or you know, whoever else that have never seen us or never thought about checking us out because there's so much music out there right now. And then maybe you're walking by a stage one day and you hear something you like, “Whoa, what is this?” Like, “Oh, I never heard of these guys.” So just getting a chance to play in front of more people than you would hopping on some support tour or doing our own tour is so valuable to our longevity as a band and it's something we're super grateful for.

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                                                          FEBRUARY           2019

 PAGE  RIB

***** I am over the moon at the suggestion of a biopic of Dave Letterman starring Michael Shannon. Will somebody think about really putting this into production??? Please??

***** Criminal Minds will wrap it up after this next and 15th season. The season 14 finale on Feb.6 will have Rossi’s wedding. They will spend the last season chasing after ‘a worthy adversary’ rumored to be played by Harold Perrineau as they jump ahead in time.

***** I am so touched by shows like Grace and Frankie and Schitt’s Creek that look right past the usually discussed issues for interracial and same sex couples .  Gee, just think, it’s like we are all the same.

***** If you haven’t seen Michael Bennet and his senate floor speech about Ted Cruz, government shutdowns and Trump, run to C-span and catch it. These things make me proud to be in a DEMOCRACY!

***** Can this be true?? The constitution of Texas states that one can’t hold public office unless they believe in a supreme being??

***** Julian Castro is running for President.

***** Kamala Harris is running for President.

***** Cory Booker is running for President.

***** HGTV is apparently working on a huge publicity stunt and ratings grabber. They have purchased the home whose exterior was used in the Brady Bunch. A show will reunite the cast, bring in some famous fane and remodel the inside to look like the Brady set. At the end they may give the house away.

***** Michael Shannon and Audra McDonald will team up to revive Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune on Broadway.

***** Rashida Jones and Bill Murray will star in Sofia Coppola’s’ On the Rocks.’

***** Why isn’t extreme ironing a bigger sport by now??** And can we make Petanque a bigger thing while we’re at it?

***** Craig Ferguson is selling his LA compound.

***** China has landed on the far side of the moon!!!

***** NASA’s New Horizons has went further than anyone has gone before for our first image of Ultima Thule.

***** Kentucky has introduced a bill to ban abortion in the state.

***** Told to a reporter: “It’s your job to speak truthfully and precisely, not mine.” –Kellyanne Conway** The new book, Team of Vipers, suggests that The Conways are working in concert.  It is thought that she is valuable to Trump because she has no qualms about saying anything.

***** Super bowl LIII will host Maroon 5, Travis Scott and Big Boi. They will have no pre- concert interview. It is said that many artists turned down the gig because of the controversy. Maroon 5 has gotten some shit for performing but they caution us to just watch.** Roger Waters has asked Maroon 5 to take a knee during the show.

***** Natasha Lyonne is getting raves for her new show, Russian Doll.

***** Tom Sizemore was arrested for drug possession.

***** 6 NFL coaches were fired in one week!!!

***** Pentagon chief of staff, rear admiral Kevin Sweeney is out.

***** Rod Rosenstein is on the way out.

***** Jaymo’s, a Peoria company is suing Wendy’s over the use of their S’Awesome sauce.

***** We should enact the stop the stupidity act.

***** Why does it seem every other show on the air is sort of an entire season of a Twilight Zone episode?

***** There are more people in the Kremlin than in Washington who know what Trump said to Putin. – Tom Nichols

***** Members of congress can retire at full pay after 1 term. Children of congress members don’t have to pay back student loans. Is that true?? Can this be right??

***** Dupont is laying off workers.

***** Check out love your brain.com.

***** The Golden Globes were held and were hosted by Andy Samberg and Sandra Oh.  My best dressed was Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Moss. Danai Gurira, Julia Roberts, Carol Burnett, Emily Blunt, Lupita Nyong’o, Patricia Clarkson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jameela Jamil, Rosamund Pike, Jim Carrey, Alison Brie, Gemma Chan and Bradley Cooper. Worst dressed goes to Rachel Weisz, Julianne Moore, Layra Dern, Anne Hathaway, Maya Rudolph, Rami Mlek, Molly Sims and Heidi Klum. I was so happy for winners like The Americans (highlight of the evening!!!), Regina King, Lady Gaga, Mahershala Ali, Patricia Clarkson, Darren Criss, Bohemian Rhapsody, Rami Malek, Olivia Colman and Green Book.  The Cecil B. DeMille award went to Jeff Bridges. The new Carol Burnett award started off with Carol herself. I was saddened that Bill Hader, Henry Winkler, Kieran Culkin, Keri Russell and Sacha Baron Cohen went home empty handed. The Fiji water girl got most of the press and gave much free advertising to her product.  Some of the stars did not like her getting in their shots to push a product without their knowledge, both a clever and sad state of affairs.

***** The Kominsky Method will be back for season 2.

***** The Sag awards had their big night and gave the lifetime achievement to Alan Alda. Winners included Emily Blunt, Darren Criss, Black Panther, Rami Malek and Glenn Close. I was especially thrilled with some love goingto Jason Bateman and Patricia Arquette. Best dressed were Amy Adams, Yara Shahidi, Brian Tyree Henry, Sydelle Noel, Eddie Griffin, Holly Taylor, Sofia Hubitz, Emma Stone, Emily Blunt, Darren Criss, Laverne Cox, Timothee Chalamet, Robin Wright, Lily Tomlin, Chadwick Boseman, Matthew Rhys, Keri Russell, and Catherine Zeta Jones. The WTF award goes to Alison Brie.

***** The Oscar race is on. Best picture could go to Blank Panther, Blackkklansman, Roma, The Favourite, Green Book, Vice, Bohemian Rhapsody and A Star is born. Black Panther also got some love for music and costume design.  Fingers crossed for Isle of Dogs in the animated category. Actor nods had a few surprises. Willem Dafoe and Rami Malek , Lady Gaga and Melissa McCarthy are up for leads and supporting mentions are for Mahershala Ali, Regina King, Adam Driver and Sam Elliott. I am so hopeful for Spike Lee and I want to hear that speech.

***** If you haven’t seen Trigger Warning with Killer Mike, you gotta check it out. He and Sarah Silverman should go on a tour of teaching acceptance for their fellow man.

***** So.. Fox news said that Ruth Bader Ginsberg was dead??

***** In sexual harassment news: Harvey Weinstein is hiring new lawyers.** Les Moonves is seeking arbitration with CBS.

***** Cher has sold her Beverly Hills cottage.

***** Cindy Crawford and Randy Gerber’s daughter, Presley was arrested for DUI.

***** CBS news has named its first female President, Susan Zirinsky.

***** What is happening to the butterflies?

***** Illinois has refused a concert permit to R Kelly and Sony has dropped him. The pressure is finally starting to pay off??

***** Get ready for biopics about Harriet Tubman, Elton John and Ted Bundy.

*****  NY mayor Bill De Blasio has given healthcare to every resident of NY city.

***** 25% of Russians do not have indoor toilets. Putin and his buddies have about $1trillion tucked away from London to Miami.

***** Days alert: I wonder if Leo’s real name ‘Matthew Cooper’ is a nod to out actor Chad Allen from Dr. Quinn??!! It is also fun to see Judith Chapman take on the role of Leo’s Mama, Diana. The pair played Mother and son previously on The Young and the Restless. Is she really Diana Colville from John’s past??** So Stefan has been played by Tyler Christopher who asked for some time off and a sub was put in place who will take over in March. Since Christopher left, he has since decided that he will leave permanently so things are up in the air. Will Stefan and Gabi hook up? Days has been renewed for season 55. HOORAY!!!! Ratings are up 4%. **Loved the line when Chloe told Rex he should wear a cup. **Leo and Xander’s playful “lust” was so sassy!!

***** Happy Valentine’s Day!

***** Steve Buscemi will play God on tv’s Miracle Workers.

***** So, the new Conan format has ups and downs. I miss the band and the desk but I am Loving the fade in and fade out at commercials. I have always hated the, “We’ll be right back “ nonsense. I was sad to lose a half hour at first but Conan and Andy do seem refreshed.

***** Still waiting for the release of Apple Seed which is written, directed and starring Michael Worth. It is one of the final films of Rance Howard who stars with his son, Clint, Adrienne Barbeau and the other Father and son team of Robby and Zephyr Benson.

***** The January Bob Segar concert in Illinois at the Peoria Civic Center is the top selling concert ever at this venue. Old rock acts take note.

***** Bob Costas is out at NBC after 40 years.

***** Trial and Error has been cancelled. BOO!!!

***** Steve Carell will star in Space Force which he is co-creating with The Office showrunner Greg Daniels.

***** Despite some people I admire that are giving Alexandria Ocasio Cortez a talking to like she’s a child, I say ‘Give ‘em Hell!’  She could well be President so fight girl!!

***** Word is that Karen Pence is now teaching at the Immanuel School in Virginia. The school refuses admission to students who participate in or condone homosexual activity. The application for the school states that misconduct includes heterosexual activity outside of marriage, homosexual activity, polygamy, transgender identity and use of pornographic websites. The application goes on to state that ‘a wife must submit to her husband’ and a pledge must be signed to that effect.

***** There is controversy over the bill to give people a day off for Election Day. Many people will still have to work, the country never completely shuts down. How many fucking times do I have to say it: VOTE BY MAIL!!!!!!!!!!!

***** So, Scary clown told us Mexico would pay for ‘the wall’. During the campaign he gave actual ideas for that like Mexico giving us a one time payout or else he would not allow Mexican immigrants to western union money back to Mexico. Another idea was that there would be a great ta on that Western union money. It does not seem like they tried any of that and just decided we would pay for the stupid ‘wall.’ How about the money he makes off Trump merch which his website and hotels still sell to pay for it?? How about the $35 million that Trump sold in real estate in 2018? The ‘Wall’ go fund me did not reach its $1billion goal so the $20 million they did collect is being offered for refunds. Some of those people still want that money to go for its purpose so Trump is creating a non- profit. Can’t we use that money to help the border patrol agents and get the backlog in immigration court moving?? That we are still talking about this ridiculous wall and that it had a go fund me page is enough to boggle the normal brain.** I think Kimmel said it best when he suggested that Trump just tell the red hats that the wall has been built.  They believe everything he says so why wouldn’t they believe that??  It would save the country a lot of headaches. ** What the Hell is with his new “wheels and walls” mantra??** Russia caused Brexit too? Putin is a menace.** Another sink hole appeared the White House. WTF?

***** The congressional budget office says the shut down cost the U.S. 11 billion

***** Trump is talking to Herman Cain about a job on the Federal Reserve Board.

***** The GOP is selling fake bricks that cost about 50 cents for $20 each to send to Senate Dems. Some have said that the Dems should sign them and sell them and give the money to government workers. ** Why are Russian jets fucking around on the North American coastline??

***** Roger Stone has been indicted on 5 counts of false statements, 1 count of obstruction and 1 count of witness tampering. The FBI officers who arrested him were part of the shut down and they still did their job!!  He publically and privately claimed to have communicated with Russia. Predictions are that many more indictments are coming down the pike that involve many familiar faces.** Roger Stone has a Nixon tattoo on his back. I feel sorry for his cell mate.-Bill Maher

***** Bill Maher got some flak for comments after Stan Lee died. He wasn’t slamming Lee, but wondered about comic book fans putting away childish things. I suppose that could include weed but point taken.

***** Jared Kushner along with 30 other White House staff was denied top secret clearance but Trump advisor Carl Kline overruled that decision and gave it to them anyway. This has never been done before, this is a job for intelligent agencies.

***** Empire star Jussie Smollett was attacked in Chicago in what cops are saying was a possible hate crime. The attackers were yelling that this was MAGA country, poured bleach on him and put a rope around his neck.  The actor was previously sent a letter full of homophobic and racist slurs which he FBI had been looking into.

***** Ellen page gave us some memorable, powerful words to chew on with her appearance on Stephen Colbert. I am sure she gave courage to many who suffer because of our hate filled administration.

***** Gwyneth Paltrow is being sued from a 2016 ski incident for 3 mil.

***** I gain more and more respect for Seth Meyers. I did not really understand the choice of him as host in the beginning. His notice of local stations, choice of guests and revolving drummers makes for a great show.

***** A Dutch company may have invented a small device that converts heat into cold and Forbes is saying, ‘it could save the planet.’

***** So looking forward to Ryan Murphy’s The Politician which will star Jessica Lange, Gwyneth Paltrow and January Jones.

***** I know that is has happened little by little and we go thru times in our history when things get worse and then things get better but… When did this country get so fucking corrupt?? I mean seriously.. Why is Brendan Dassey still in prison and why is there no real justice for Teresa Halbach? ** Why is Trump still in the White House?**Why are government workers being told to work for nothing?? Why is R Kelly still living it up?? Why are some states going backward in time when it comes to women’s health?? Why do many corporations care more about their own pockets than the children of their employees or the environment around them??** Why does our justice system so often punish big for small infractions and allow the powerful to do anything they want?? **Why is a wall a better idea than infrastructure or warm beds for the homeless or food for our children and why are so many children in cages??

***** How can it be that we are still in a world where people are not allowed to reach their full potential?? Why do so many selfish humans actually fight to live in a world where they actively hold others back? Shouldn’t we all be concerned about the greater good?  We should all be allowed to see a Doctor when we are ill. We should all be able to excel in education if we choose .We should all be able to get a job to fit our skills and work ethic.  Opportunities and the pursuit of happiness should be available to all. Why is this so fucking hard for so many to grasp in this world? Imagine!

***** Sundance premiered the new flick, Big time adolescence with Griffin Gluck and Pete Davidson. Pete has since made no bones about filming in Syracuse. He hated it.

***** Jeff Flake will join CBS news as a contributor.

***** Tom Brokaw is in a bit of trouble for saying Hispanics should work harder at assimilation.

***** The Tom Hanks/ Matthew Rhys film, A beautiful day in the neighborhood has pushed back its release date to Nov. 22.

***** People are illogical and self- centered. Love them anyway. -Hedy Lemarr

*****R.I.P. Bob Einstein, Millie Wiesehan, victims of the Torrance. Ca. bowling alley shooting, Captain Darryl Dragon, Jo Andres, Lamin Sanneh, Carol Channing, Sandra Harmon, Bradley Bolke, the victims of Mediterranean shipwreck, Lorna Doom, victims of the Florida bank shooting, Kaye Ballard, Willie York , Barbara Claman , victims of the mining dam collapse in Brazil and James Frawley.