#and then asking matty what he sees and it’s the same thing as her Implying to her that he is also being made a muse

[lottiecrabie]

the significance of galatea in ‘galatea, take one’

the song and the concept of galatea was an important metaphor throughout galatea, take one — pretty obviously as it is part of its title — and i really needed to talk about it. i decided to pour my thoughts out and send this bottle into the wild. i hope it finds you.

reader starts the fic as galatea, very obviously and even hinted on later. she’s just come out of this relationship with a painter who, at least in her point of view, saw her as ‘unfinished’ and aimed to ‘complete’ her. these feelings have left her reeling at the idea of being a muse and the material consequences of an artist-object relationship. there’s this initial reticence about matty because she doesn’t want to fall into this same dynamic again.

she starts the writing of this song with a clear objective. the first verse describes the beating, electric love between pygmalion and galatea, keeping a purposeful nebulous understanding of who exactly is the speaker. later, the song reveals it’s galatea, leaving us wondering if the mentioned ‘love’ is really this pure if, in the end, she’s literally made for this man.

but as she writes more and more songs about matty, she finds herself blurring her position as galatea. falling in love with matty and finding inspiration from him, reader is acutely aware that she’s placing him in the position of muse. now, there’s a fear that she’s romanticizing him, making him like her very own statue.

the galatea song, always being worked and reworked, changes because of it. the speaker becomes convoluted— it’s unclear if the point of view is of pygmalion or galatea, just as it’s increasingly clear to the readers how delusional she is getting in contrast. though there seems to be genuine care and feelings between the two, she makes them grander, wishes him to be better. she’ll twist his words until they sound like she wants them to, reflecting the sculptor of her story.

the more she wants him, the more the song changes. it’s briefly a love song— some desperate attempt to force feelings onto matty. ‘galatea loves pygmalion’ is a very comforting thought when you’re the sculptor. there is a certain sense of aphrodite breathing life into galatea to these new lyrics. in practically saying ‘matty loves me’, she’s essentially trying to make it magically true because she wrote it down. however, matty calls her out on it and she quickly goes back to her original meaning.

the song ends in this confused state, though leaning further into pygmalion. as a lyric uses ‘she’, it gives us an idea that it is him telling the story. she even borrows lines she wrote about matty for the song, making it clearly about him on a certain level. her friend does mention being unsure who the speaker is, which shows us that the nebulous point of view remains. still, by the end of its creation, the song and speaker has completely shifted. it is why she affirms ‘galatea’ would not have been the same without matty: this change would have never happened.

in parallel, by the end of the story, she also realizes how much she romanticized and made matty up in her mind, and has to come to terms with the fact that she is the creator of their relationship. this grandiose summer romance was mostly lived in her head. his marble crumbles to the ground and he’s left just like her at the end of her past relationship: bloody and bruised.

she is the muse and the creator, she is the object and the artist. she is the victim and the perpetuator.

[allamericansbitch]

Im asking your opinion because I myself don't know how to feel. Taylor keeps saying she doesn't want her work to be about her exes but then keeps throwing "winks" at fans like am I supposed to believe she didn't know "Blue Dress on A Boat" would make fans immediately associate that song with HS? Am I supposed to pretend she didn't mean for people to see that she liked that old tweet? Am I supposed to pretend the multiple synchronized unfollows were all a coincidence? Am I supposed to pretend she didn't know it would make headlines when she got on stage and said 'I love you, you know who you are' admist the Matty rumors?

Media outlets aren't doing research on every single thing taylor does, fans are. That's where the articles come from, news articles are basically just a bunch of tweets/tiktoks on a list format nowadays. So if she says she doesn't want this kind of attention why does she keep doing it?

It reminds me of the time she went to the Ellen show and roasted Joe Jonas for dumping her over the phone (she also edited a Myspace post about him to imply he cheated), he had to make multiple statements about it. I'm not in the business of defending Joe Jonas and Taylor was a teenager back then, it's just that sometimes it feels like not much has changed. Her last public breakup was with Calvin Harris and look how that went. He did literally tweet that she should just leave him alone if she's happy in a new relationship.

I just don't know what to think. It feels very juvenile. I'm too old to think it's cool to be subtweeting people for drama, making sure to be photographed with the girls and then they all go home to unfollow the ex. I think I need to take a break from her again. It felt like we were finally done with the "Joever" comments and there she goes again, in my eyes it just makes Joe Alwyn look better because he has said absolutely nothing about her.

.

ps: fans say she is a mastermind that does everything with intention but when we say 'hey maybe when she liked that tweet she should have known it would cause this' we're the crazy ones.

I’m in the exact same boat. She genuinely is just repeating history and the history is almost 10 years old at this point. She hasn’t really matured much and is feeding this parasocial beast she created. She very much knows her fanbase is immature and cares about this stuff and she takes advantage of it. And it sucks because it works every single time. No one recognizes the pattern of: break up, immediately start trashing them through ‘sources’ or directly in the media and start very public dating someone new and show them off like a trophy to make the ex look bad. All of it is exhausting and so immature and the fact that she’s a grown ass adult still behaving like she did when she was a teenager is crazy.

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Gustholomule: spoilers for For the Future

So we saw Matty again, got lots of him interacting with Gus and Gus friends, and we learn about three new things about him

Spoilers below

1.) He is actually a real good Leader/planer/strategist when he works at it. Wow. Well the planing thing I guess we did have some proof. His take over of the HAS was really well planed, and adapted, especially for a 13 year old who was in a completely new environment and didn’t know any allies/have friends who he knew for a fact would take his side.

Still on a note. I said in my Gus Appreciation post that the HAS club was Gus (unintentionally) at his worst. That he said he created it so he could “build a place were everybody had a voice” but if you look at the way he ran his club (only he brought things in, only he could touch things, he made himself a crown, and referred to voting as “anarchy’,) it seems more like he wanted to create a place where he was in charge of older kids and they had to listen to him. I also said that I believed leaving the club was necessary for Gus’s maturity, and that Mattholomule would be just as immature and unfair a leader as Gus. Just as surprising to me as Matt having such good ideas and plans for “New Hexsides” refuge camp, is seeing that he crossed out some of Gus’s more unfair rules and made the club more inclusive towards all members. I misjudged you Matty. Your a good club President. But you know Gus better now, you’ve seen that Gus has matured and become more considerate since. Please let him back in as a subordinate member.

2.) Matty is a dramatic AF who used a (easily smudging) marker to draw facial hair on himself, tried to get people to call him Man-Tholomule (buddy no one will ever call you that), and used a bad “dramatic twist “ theater line in the big fight when addressing a robot. HAHAHA

3.) The Big one... His name is actually Matt Tholomule. All those times when the fandom asked “ Why does he have such a weird first name?”, “How did his parents come up with it?”, “His Brother is named Steve. IS Steve short for something weird? How do you get one child with a name like “Steve” and then the next is named “Mattholomule”. Times I have personally searched his name on Tumblr and thought “ at least him having such a made up first name makes searching a character without a last name much easier”. (Note I have the  same thoughts on Skara’s name. Is her full name going to turn out to be Skar A?). 

But back to the matter at hand, here is one more reason, besides fan’s questions on the difference of the half brothers names, besides this meaning that the ship name Gustholomule is actually Gus’s first name attached to Matt’s last name. Even besides what that one genius poster pointed out about how Matt always calls Gus “Au-Gus-Tus” with the syllables spaced out and suggested that that was Matt trying to give Gus a really cryptic, unhelpful, hint to try putting more space in his name.

No it’s also funny because of this picture on Gus’s wall.

Matt has a party hat, so we know this was a birthday. Matt being the one in front, the one sitting down, and the absence of Willow and Luz implies that this is Matt’s birthday, and Gus is visiting his house to help celebrate it. Let’s think about that for a moment.

Did Matt’s cake not have “Happy Birthday Matt” written on it? Or if it did did Matt say/Gus think that it just said Matt because Mattholomule would take to mch room? There was nowhere in the house where Matt’s name was written out correctly and nothing saying “Tholomule Family” on it? Neither of Matt’s parents introduced themselves to Gus as “Mr./Mrs. Tholomule”? No confusion was expressed by one of them as to why Gus called their son by his full name? If Steve was able to be there he never pulled Gus to the side and said “Hey FYI Tholomule is actually our last name. My brother’s first name is just Matt.”? Going over all of that, I can only assume that Matt told is family about his little prank before inviting Gus over, and they all played along. Which would mean that the entire Tholomule family are devious, prankster, gremlins, not just Matt. This is a fact that I feel needs to be acknowledged.

Oh lastly while we are on the subject of Matt’s family this name thing just makes me think more that Mason, the construction head, is the Steve & Matt’s father and shared parent. Matt was running his father’s booth in “Covention Day” while Mason outfitted new members with construction seals.  The only reason I can think of as to why such a young, inexperienced, and unsigled, witch-let would be representing a coven subgroup at such a big event: he was helping his parent. Then Mason came back before the Emperor’s coven show, because Matt wanted to attend and to try and see Steve. The reason Mason’s last name was not on the coven list, was because if we saw Mason Tholomule it would have spoiled the joke to early.

[bisluthq]

She started saying Joe wasn't the best towards the end when they weren't doing well and when she was with Matty or heartbroken over him. Before that, she very much has a bunch of lyrics propping Joe as both the best in loving her and caring for her and just as a beautiful person in general. Better than anyone before and obviously she had known Matty for years by then.

She was out there saying she never seen someone so lit from within which I think it's beautiful and refuse to believe SOB is about Matty and rare as a comet and then she changes things up and goes like oh yeah I actually never had never felt this before Matty. And then she tries to say the same about Travis (I still laugh over the once in a few lifetimes line. Like girl be serious, what exactly? Having a lot of chemistry with someone? As if you weren't just saying the same thing in a different font about Matty a couple tracks earlier). I think maybe she just likes making these men feel special, like there was never someone who was as good as them to her. But then if things go wrong, she'll try to say to say the same about the same person.

I actually don't think either that in Question she's saying with the meteor line that she thinks Joe is just second best to what they had. She's asking him if after her that's what it feels like about her. I think the worst line in that regard is her saying he painted her nights a color she has been searching since. That is a bit cruel to put out there if you have a boyfriend, cause it implies he's not enough for you like the other person was. Ngl I think I would have peaced out after that one and if Maroon really is about Matty I would peace out even earlier. I don't even know how Taylor thought that would be a fair thing to put on someone you're with. I find it unhinged, but really not in a funny way.

About the glow line, yeah it's again a bit...apalling to see her kind of dismiss what she had with Joe not by the end but in general. I think that's almost as bad as making a diss album to him. I heard the album and I think the idea you get is either she's playing things up to make it seem Matty was always better than Joe and made her feel things Joe never had as a way to hurt him and make it seem like she actually never really loved him all that much and that deeply and she was actually just settling for him cause Matty wasn't available. Or she just genuinely thinks and feels that. And if that's the case, the person who wasted someone's youth wasn't Joe. Imagine being with someone for six years and someone telling you there was always someone else on her mind all the time. That she actually never loved him the way she loved that person. I would have to be sedated really. None of it is fun to me. And none of these two options make Taylor a good person so pick your soldier

lol idk if she’s a bad person or if she’s just messy and confused and ergo confusing and that just makes her human. What I love about Taylor is… she’s messy. She makes dumb decisions and regrets the fuck out of them and rewrites her own story with new info and idk those are very human qualities. I don’t think she needs to be perfect or even to make sense. I think the power of Taylor for me is she doesn’t - she does nuts ass shit and then she goes “fuck this” and like that’s… really cool lol because we have a woman who’s so clever and talented and successful essentially telling us it’s okay to be dumb fucking bitches all the time if we feel like it 🤣🤣🤣

[sncwstorm]

⌈  ANNABELLE WALLIS,  SHE / HER,  CIS FEMALE  ⌋  have  you  seen  ELLINORE MIKALSEN walking  around  recently  ??  you  know,  the  THIRTY-EIGHT year  old  SECURITY  ??  i  have  a  question  i  wanted  to  ask  but  i  haven’t  seen  NORA  around.  have  you  noticed  they  tend  to  be  OVERLY CAUTIOUS  and  RESERVED  ??  but  i  guess  they  make  up  for  it  by  being  SPIRITED  and  RESILIENT.    i’ve  heard  they’re  often  found  TELLING STORIES BY THE FIRE.  anyways,  if  you  see  them  let  them  know  to  come  find  me. 

stats.

full name: ellinore “nora” sofie mikalsen

nickname(s): nora, nor, ellie, elle

age: thirty-eight

birthday: may 27th

hometown: livingston, montana

current location: jericho, wyoming 

gender: cis female

pronouns: she / her

orientation: biromantic bisexual

occupation: security

bio. 

tw: parental death, death, grief, implied depression

nora was born two years after the supervolcano erupted. she’s never known what the world was like before, except through stories her parents told her and oli growing up. nora fell in love with these stories - as well as the ones she read in books her parents had. 

without any other means of entertainment, she quickly became the designated storyteller due to her passion for putting on a show. after a long day of hunting, growing what food they could, and scavenging for what they couldn’t, nora liked reading ghost stories to the others, or making them watch her act out the fairy tales she had picture books of. she was an energetic, optimistic child who always seemed to have a big smile on her face, especially once brenn and matty came along.

when she was a bit older, the family made the decision to travel to a new community that was developing - jericho. it was a hard journey for all of them, but they made it through together. she had never been as adept as oli or her parents at the nature side of survival; nora wasn’t the best at identifying plants or tracking wildlife. but she had a keen eye for detail, and a steady trigger finger. nora had already learned to hunt by this point, but this trip made her into a truly dangerous marksman. 

her skills with a crossbow were precise, and as she grew older at jericho, it became obvious that she should consider going into either hunting or security. nora picked security in the end because she’s a protective soul - she wants to keep what they already have safe, and she doesn’t want to go back outside if she can help it.

as time went by, nora found herself falling for one of the scouts at jericho. elijah was a sweet guy - steady, dependable, and always had a smile on his face, just like nora. he could make her laugh more than anyone she’d ever met. he was smitten with her too, and eventually, they decided to get married. they were deeply, truly in love with one another and for a few years, nora thought that she had found her own happily ever after just like the princesses in the fairy tales she’d read to her parents and siblings growing up.

then one trip, he didn’t make it back. he’d gotten hurt, and the conditions had been too dangerous to move him quickly back to jericho. he died from complications before he’d made it back within the walls, leaving nora a widow. she hasn’t quite been the same peppy, excitable person ever since. while nora’s still social and friendly, her spirit has dulled some in the last five years since his death. her father passing away recently didn’t help either. now, nora just wants to protect the people she can, and keep taking things a day at a time.

more info.

nora pretty much exclusively goes by nora. her family might call her elle, ellie or ellinore sometimes but she’s really known around jericho as nora. 

nora used to be a social butterfly. she was the one to remember everyone’s name, always have some sort of joke to share, and always spent her free time hanging out with someone. she grew a bit more reserved after the death of her husband five years ago. she’s still kind and will talk to others and reach out, but she’s not quite as bubbly anymore. 

she’s definitely a right brain kind of person. very creative, into reading, history and storytelling. if things had been completely different, she probably would have gone into theatre or creative writing. instead, she’s definitely the one found telling the little kids stories to keep them entertained, or trying to wrangle together a production of some play they could put on for jericho.

nora’s at a place where she’s probably ready to start dating again, but that’s not the number one thing on her mind right now.

she likes her job with security because she wants to keep everyone safe. nora’s a great shot, and she doesn’t mind patrols or being the person people come to when they’re worried about something. 

wanted.

a best friend / ride or die

drinking buddies

a partner on security

a rival of some sort

former hookups 

a book club 

someone she’s developing feelings for

someone on the scouting trip her husband died on that feels guilty

maybe.... her ex-husband.... didn’t die after all and has been with a diff group this whole time ? 

someone who gets under her skin

opposites attract friend

anything we can come up with !

[purple--queen]

A puppet in your hands

Summary: Matt prays but Clint makes sure he knows who he belongs too.

Note: dark Clint, Vampire Clint, biting, praying, not god friendliy, Matt needs a hug but don’t get it. he is also not in peace with his own throught 

Pairing: Clint/Matt

Warning: possessiv behavoir, implied sexuall content. public hand job, but nothing is describte in detail. co dependent relationship,

Rain bangs against the windows and a branch repeatedly scrapes against the walls while the occasional thunder rumbles overhead. The church is empty with a few exceptions. Very few come when it's storming outside, but these at least always seem to be the most desperate. An old lady sits in the front row and prays for the healing of her husband who has cancer. In the last row, a woman prays that her daughter's sins related to a same-sex relationship will be forgiven.

On the other side, a man prays that his adultery may be forgiven. At the altar stands a young couple lighting a candle. The woman is crying, trying to keep her sobs quiet as possible while her husband whispers soothing words, even though he is breaking up himself. Matt remembers their prayers.

Prayers for a successful pregnancy. Prayers for a healthy child. Prayers for a safe journey into God's kingdom.

He kneels down in front of the prayer bench, makes a prayer cross and props up his arms. "Heavenly Father, I speak to you to confess my sins and help me overcome them-" He pauses to gather his thoughts and figure out what to say next. This first sentence took a lot of effort from him and it doesn't get any easier. "I'm not strong enough to escape this. It's like an addiction and it got a tight grip on me-". He feels gentle but firm hands on his skin, causing goosebumps. He longs for those hands. Cold hands that know him so well and control him like a puppet.

"I pray for strength...I pray for escape from all this-".

A thunder rumbles over the church as the door opens. There is no heartbeat accompanying the steps. There is never a heartbeat. The footsteps come to a halt, the gaze fixed ahead, before there is a soft sigh. Give me the strength to leave the addiction behind me, he thinks, which is accompanied by a pronounced "Amen".

The creaking wooden bench is the only sign that someone has sat down next to him. "You look good on your knees, even if you're kneeling for the wrong person," says Clint smugly. "What are you doing here?" Matt asks, getting up to sit on the bench. "You seem so surprised. I don't burn just because I go to a church,” Clint replied, amused.

"I didn't mean that," Matt replies, and he can feel Clint's eyes on him. It's that intense look that sends a tingling through him that he never knows if it's a good or bad feeling. All he knows is that he's glad he's blind because that look could make him fall apart entirely.

"I do what everyone here does-" Clint begins. "pray". Another thunder rumbles over them. There's something patronizing in his voice, something cold that doesn't belong to the church. "What are you praying for?" Matt asks, hearing an amused noise. "For a lot of things. What were you praying for?” Clint asks, dodging the question. He always does, Matt notices.

What does he know about Clint Baron other than the obvious?

"Nothing special. The usual” “Oh Matty,” Clint whispers, cupping his cheek. She is cold and wet from the torrential rain. "It does not become in the eyes of God to lie-" his voice is as supple as silk and sweet as honey. The thumb brushes gently but decisively over his cheek. He feels the roughness of the thumb, every little bump.

"What were you praying for?" Clint repeats, and the sweet smoothness is replaced by a hardness, which is accompanied by a firmer grip. He knows these hands very well. Knows their strength and brutality. But he also knows the softness and the warmth they can give and it was that softness that got him into this misery.

"Strength," Matt murmurs, and the pressure fades, giving way to softness. "See-" Clint chirps. "wasn't that difficult, was it?". Matt shakes his head. Clint knows which buttons to push. He knows what rope to pull to make him walk like a doll. The hand is pulled away and Matt follows the movement before turning forward.

"Do you think you'll get it?" Clint asks, and although Matt knows the answer, he takes his time and Clint gives it. "I hope," he finally answers, and Clint gives an amused snort. "Your hope of putting it in the hands of someone who doesn't exis-" "Don't," Matt interrupts. "Don't deny his existence here, please"

"Fine," Clint purrs and gets up. "Come with me," he commands and leaves the row of pews. Matt stays seated, listening to the footsteps and thinking about his prayer. Hoping for the requested strength to escape this. Hopes to leave this addiction behind.

„Matthew“

It's a whisper. Quieter than the rain pounding against the glass. He follows the request. Just as he follows every request from him, even though he feels like a puppet. Before Clint, he hated situations where he felt powerless and helpless. situations where he had no control. But then Clint came. And now he's holding his hand like it's saving him from drowning and listening to the voice like there's no other.

He clings to Clint in hopes of not falling into the abyss, even though Clint brought him to it.

They leave the church and fresh rain cools his heated skin. Once the door is closed, Clint grabs his hand and pulls him aside. It's sometimes hard to anticipate Clint's movements, which is why he's easily surprised. Clint leads them to the back of the little garden and pushes him against the cold, hard stones of the church wall. Although they are only outside for a few seconds, his clothes stick to him like a second skin and his hair is soaked on his head.

The kiss that follows is far from gentle. It's demanding and greedy. It's stormy and he melts to the touch. His hands cling to Clint's cloth jacket as if his life depended on it. Clint's hand grabs his pants. "Oh god, Clint don't," Matt murmurs as some sense seeps into his head.

"Don't say his name-" Clint grumbles, lets go of the pants and hugging Matt's face. "Not when we're together. Never in my presence". A cold runs through the voice, which is soothed by another kiss. "We still shouldn't-" "Oh Matty-" Clint now whispers in his ear while his right hand moves back down. "All your prayers mean nothing. He won't send you any strength to get you out of here-"

The hand slips into the pants and grabs with a firm possessive grip. He gasps for air. "Only you can save yourself. Tell me to go and I'll do it. You'll never see me again-" "Clinton please" "but you and I know, no matter how much you may struggle, no matter how much you want to deny it, you need this"

A light tug, a light push in the right place and he gasps again. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall against the wall. "See-" Clint purrs, placing a kiss on the ear cup. "You want this. Your head may tell you otherwise sometimes, but at the end of the day, you'll always come back to me"

There's a slight change in pressure and he pushes into the movement to get more, but is pushed back against the wall and Clint's left hand grabs his waist. "Clint," Matt whimpers, letting his head fall against his shoulder. "Did you beg him like that in your prayer?" Clint asks, and it's a purely rhetorical question that doesn't require an answer. You both know the answer.

"Unlike him, I can give you what you ask for".

Matt hates it. He hates how true it is. He hates how broken his mind is. He hates how much he needs Clint.

He knows that Clint would leave if he said so. Clint may be many things, but he's not a liar. His legs are shaking, a warmth runs through his body and he wants more. He wants so much more. It's like an addiction he can't escape and he's wondering if he even wants to.

Clint always treats him well. Matt gets what he needs and what he asks for. Even if it sometimes gets rougher and harder, attention is always paid to his well-being. It's not just that, it's the little things that make the big picture. Coffee brought to the office, wounds being sewn and treated, lounging on the couch when the world is too loud.

"I can give you anything you want," Clint whispers sweetly and Matt nods. Not sure what else to answer as the pressure changes and waves of warmth seep through him. "Clint..I..." he trembles and a searing pain forms on the back of his neck as Clint digs his teeth into the sensitive area. Thunder rumbles overhead. Tears sting his eyes, spilling out and mixing with the cold rain as he comes. His hands cling to Clint to keep him away from collapsing right away.

The pain goes away as quickly as it came and Clint kisses the tender spot. The hand is pulled out of his pants and Clint carefully puts him on the ground. Tears are gently wiped away before Clint lifts his head gently. "You're mine-" Clint whispers. "just mine and no matter how many times you pray, it won't change anything". There's that cold, haughty voice again.

Clint grabs his hand and Matt thinks he's going to help him up, but instead there's a kiss on the palm. "Matthew". Soft. Sweet. Tempting. "Yes?" Matt asks in an uncertain voice. "I never want to see you kneel for him again. Never again. I don't care if you're here or not, but at home you won't say his name or kneel. Do you understand?". Matt nods and another kiss is planted on the palm.

Clint lets go of the hand and then stands up.

"See you at home," says Clint, turning away. "Clinton?" Matt asks and hears the footsteps stop. "Why me?" "We desire what we see-" Clint begins with a smirk. "And to your chagrin, I desire you more than anything else." Matt doesn't get a chance to ask another question as the receding footsteps are swallowed up by the torrential rain.

He leans his head against the wall and lets the rain wash everything away. He may not be strong enough to get out of it, but he's also sure that Clint felt the same way. Maybe they are destined to be together in this messed up constellation. It's definitely comforting to know that Clint seems as dependent on him as he is on him. With a deep breath, he rises, adjusts his clothes and brushes his hair from his face.

He leaves the church grounds, ignoring the feeling of being watched.

Thunder rumbles over him.

[lostinanimage]

Do you have physical descriptions of your characters? Not face claims, just something like race, hair, eyes, height, build. I like to picture them when I'm reading! Your Patreon OC most of all, like Alex, Burg, Marissa, Noah, Mickey, Willy, Hunter, Alex's siblings and all the children, Devon, Courtney... It's okay if you don't! It's a testament to your talent that you got a visual reader like me so immersed in the action and dialogue to forget what your characters look like ❤️❤️❤️

Alex, Noah, Devon, Cupid, Mills, and Mason are in a different post, so I’m linking that here. I have updated that post a couple times as I’ve changed my mind about things. Let me know if it doesn’t work. Absolutely don’t feel bad that you couldn’t find it if you looked. Tumblr is a mess when it comes to finding stuff. This post also includes some explanations about why I tend to not be a visual writer. So, I’m not going to include that here. It’s absolutely okay that you care and that you asked. Thank you for reading anyway and I’m always happy to answer. I apologize in advance for how many times my ADHD took over during this post.

One thing I also want to add to that post is that part of the reason I don’t often describe body types is that to me, a lot of this is implied by the professions of my characters. Hockey players’ body types don’t very all that much and I’ve mentioned when they do. (Alex is described by Willy as being one of the really big guys.) Kat is a rhythmic gymnast and I’ve mention that she hopes to go to the summer Olympics which puts her in a specific body type. Morgan plays college basketball and that says a lot about her body type. (This might be a spoiler. Sorry?) I’ve mentioned Mason and Devon’s heights, but after that, they’re assumed to have the body type of an Olympic figure skater. (Mason is an example of where I’ve mentioned where he differs a bit because he’s taller. Devon is an example of the same because he’s shorter and also an example of a place where I'm mentioned his size because of his height difference with Alex.)

Burg: I have the issue with Burg that I have with Matty. Both he and Matty are in my head as “basic American white hockey player with brown hair.” I have literally met multiple members of my cities NHL team multiple times at my old job and they all dislike me because they recognize me, and I never recognized them because they literally look exactly the same to me. But honestly, this genericness is purposeful for Matty and Burg because being “typical hockey players” but making the decision to align themselves as they do is important for Alex and Kent. They are also both around 6’1” and built like hockey players. I have literally never thought of their eye colors, so I’ll go with brown. (NGL. I have literally never noticed someone's eye color in my entire life. I literally just sat here and tried to think of the eye colors of all my best friends and I'm not sure of a single one.)

Marissa: I *think* I’ve mentioned that Marissa has brown hair and she’s half-Mexican, but is white-passing in most cases. Her hair is naturally kind of curly, but she straightens it most of the time because that’s less day-to-day upkeep. She’s 5’3” and slim but curvy.

Mikey: Honestly, I could sit here and try to make him sound different than Burg, but I would fail, and it would be embarrassing. I am thankful that I’m good at dialogue. (Which honestly is probably due to having prosopagnosia.  I regularly recognize people by speech patterns and have been known to mix up people who look completely different but have very similar speech patterns. I actually had to explain to two people who were BFFs that I could see them, but since I don’t recognize by faces, my reflex is to recognize by speech patterns and stance/movement, so I’d say the wrong name reflexively before filling in the blanks that I was wrong when my eyes caught up and noticed other things my brain recognizes like hair and skin tone.)

Willy: Willy is blonde. I never intended for him to be a main character, so at the time I made him up, multiple Williams in the NHL had shoulder-length blonde hair so he also has it. He’s an example of where I’ve mentioned his hair because he cares about it. He has blonde hair and blue eyes for the same reason. He’s American, but has Swedish heritage. 6’1”

Hunter: Hunter is black, and he has a slighter lighter skin tone than Mason, Mills, Reaper, Ty and Emily. He keeps his hair cut fairly short. 6’2”

Courtney: Black and 6’1”. He doesn’t actually look like Hunter in facial features, but the description here is going to make it sound like that because I am a disaster at describing facial features for obvious reasons. I’ve mentioned that he is close to evenly matched with Willy in size, with Willy being a bit bulkier due to being a professional athlete while Courtney is a regular guy who goes to the gym.

The kids are going to be a little bit hard because they’re obviously growing. So I’m going to say height they’ll be as adults? (I have also deleted spoilers from this multiple times because Lizzie is 17 in the most recent post and 19 where I’m writing.)

Kat: Very slim and blonde. As an adult she’ll be 5’5” This is why even when she’s older, she jumps on Alex because he’s huge.

Ethan: Also blonde. Average height and gangly with glasses. He’ll be 5’8” as an adult, so average, but small next to Alex because he refuses to work out when he doesn't have to.

Lizzie: As an adult, she’s 6 foot and adds half an inch in between 18-20. She has been eating a lot of protein for a long time and as an adult, she has a fair amount of muscle. She has straight brown hair that is to her chin on the side of her hair that isn’t buzzed. She has been known to have team-related designs cut into the shaved side of her head.

Trey: He will end up a couple inches taller than Bitty, but he is basically almost a copy of his biological dad.

Ariel: 5’7” dirty blonde hair. Looks like someone a hockey player would date. Determined to not date hockey player and be a stereotype. May or may not succeed.

Asher: Looks like Matty with lighter hair and blue eyes instead of brown. NGL, I just decided his eye color.

Morgan: 6’1” light brown skin as an adult. Black hair that she usually wears in braids. Fairly muscled.

Taylor: 6 foot. He’s black with a deep skin tone. If Jeff was with him and Reaper at the same time, people always assumed he was Reaper’s kid. He’s athletic in the sense that he plays sports in high school, but will just do intermural sports for fun in college.

Darius: As an adult, he’ll be 5’7”. He’s black and absolutely passes for Mills’ biological son. As an adult, he'll look like Brian Michael Smith but with less muscle.

Feel free to ask for updates if I forgot anyone or when I add new characters!

[nhlandotherimagines]

Since When? -Matthew Tkachuk X Fem!Reader

This is approximately 11.2k words of a friends-to-lovers rollercoaster of emotions! I hope you all enjoy! I hope you all enjoy it! @anastasiyaigorevnadobrodevskaya @jonnytoews19 @puckbitchesgetmoney @glassdanse @suzukick

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of nudity, implied sexual acts, angst, negative self talk, “unrequited” love, drinking, also some fluff as well. Please let me know if I missed anything!

In case you don’t know: Y/n: your name, Y/l/n: your last name, and Y/n/n: your nickname (can be replaced with your name if you do not have a nickname of course)

flashbacks are in italics :)

———

“Y/n, this is Macy. Macy, this is Y/n.” Matthew introduces you to the blonde girl he’s been talking about for weeks. She is so much prettier than you could have ever imagined. Beautiful blonde hair, flawless tanned skin, and her legs went on for miles. You shake the thoughts from your head a large grin taking over your own face.

“Oh how formal of you Matthew,” you say mockingly. “Please call me Y/n/n, and despite how Matty here is acting you have no reasons to be nervous. He talks about you all the time, I like you already!” You beam with a wink. Matt’s ears and neck burn red in embarrassment, as you and Macy giggle.

“I could say the same about you y/n/n!” Your stomach twists a little at that, what could Matthew possibly have told her? You and him have been friends for years. Best friends. You live across the hall from him now. When you moved to Calgary he insisted you moved into his apartment, but you know he would never take a girl home with you around all the time. If you are being truly honest with yourself, it has more to do with the fact that you don’t want to think about Matthew with other girls.

Yet here you are, standing in front of his new girlfriend, who could be supermodel. “Would you like to get a drink Macy? Let Matthew go talk boring old sports stuff with his jock friends.” Macy giggles at your request, but agrees quickly placing a kiss on Matthew’s cheek.

————

“Thank you for this. Matt’s been really weird about me meeting you, and I was worried you were going to hate me.” Macy’s smile falters a little when she says this, causing you to choke a little on your drink.

“Wow! He must have made me seem like a total bitch! Sounds like him really. I guess he knows I want whoever he’s with to be perfect for him, but he doesn’t understand that as long as he’s happy and that girl isn’t just a gold digger than I’m happy too.” You knock her shoulder playfully with yours, “He seems very happy with you, and for the record I think you’re really cool.”

The two of you sit in silence for a moment, before Macy speaks again. “So how did you and Matt become friends?”

“It’s a long story, are you sure you want to hear it?” You chuckle, as she nods excitedly.

“Y/n l/n?” The teacher reads out your name.

“Present!” You beam from your spot at the front of the class hand in the air. You hear a few chuckles from behind you, and lower your hand slowly slumping into your chair.

“Matthew Tkachuk?” The teacher continues, after giving you a sympathetic smile.

“That would be me!” His voice causes your eyes to snap to the door. He’s beautiful and chaotic. Bright blue eyes, messy curls, a little smirk, and a cute little dimple to tie it all together.

“Mr. Tkachuk, being late on the first day isn’t the best first impression. Please don’t make a habit of it.” The teacher scolds lightly.

“Sorry, I won’t.” He smiles sheepishly, as he places his backpack on the chair beside yours. “Okay if I sit here?” He looks at you expectantly.

Unable to find your words you nod. He sits down, and smiles at you. “I’m Matthew.” He adds sticking his hand out for you. You take it, face burning red.

“Uh- I’m y/n.” You stutter out. More snickers coming from the seats behind you. Immediately you pull your hand away and stare down at your lap, tears burning your eyes. It was your first day of highschool, and already you weren’t fitting in.

“Well y/n, can I call you y/n/n?” He asks quickly, but doesn’t bother to wait for a response, “Want to eat lunch with me? It being the first day and all I’m trying to make friends. What do you say?”

“Okay.” You reply, and smile up at him. No longer feeling as shy.

So you did eat lunch together that day. And every day after that. You became best friends almost immediately. After a couple weeks, you met his family and fit in well with all of them. Matthew fit just as perfectly in your life. You studied together, you went and watched his games, you did everything together.

It was so easy to be with Matthew, so when he got drafted to the Flames your decision was easy. You immediately applied to the University of Calgary.

“And we’ve been friends forever it feels like.” You smile at her.

“So you guys dated in highschool?” She asks, but it sounds more like a statement than a question. Your eyes nearly popped out of your skull at that.

“No way! Matt and I are only friends, that’s all we’ve ever been, and we are both VERY okay with that.” You cringe to yourself at how awkward you sound, trying to convince her what you were saying was true. And it mostly was, aside from the fact that part of you wanted more, and still do.

“Seriously? Not even like one date?” You shake your head, “not one awkward game of spin the bottle?” Again you shake your head, “not even a drunk hookup?” At that you laugh, and take another swig of your drink.

“I’m being honest Macy. The closest to any of that Matt and I ever had was my seventeenth birthday.” You shudder at the memory, “Neither of us enjoyed that.”

Macy’s face lit up at that. “Well now you have to tell me!”

You are standing in front of your bedroom mirror getting ready for your birthday party. People would be showing up in about an hour, your mom is in the kitchen finishing the cake, your dad cleaning the barbecue, your siblings at friends houses, and here you are standing mostly naked in front of the mirror. Admiring the brand new navy blue lingerie set you just bought, your very first set. You feel really sexy, for the first time ever, which at seventeen is a big deal.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been standing there, when the door opens, but you are too zoned out to even notice as you run your fingers along the lace resting on your hips. “Oh fuck!”

As soon as you hear his voice you turn towards the door and do your best to cover your exposed body.

“MATTHEW JESUS CHRIST GET OUT!” You scream at him, tears blurring your vision. He mutters an apology as he quickly exits your room.

You cry for awhile, the embarrassment making you not want to get off your floor. However, you do eventually, and change into the dress your mother bought specifically for your party. It was black, and much more mature than your mother would have ever let you wear before, or maybe it’s because you yourself look more mature. Who knows? All you know is that you don’t want to face Matthew.

It turns out that you don’t have to. Matthew doesn’t show up for the party. Brady does though, telling you he isn’t sure what happened, but Matthew isn’t feeling well. You know why though. He was repulsed.

You cry yourself to sleep after everyone leaves. Even going as far as throwing out the set of lingerie, unable to look at it anymore.

You thought you lost him that day. Thankfully though, the following Monday it was like nothing happened. Neither of you bring it up again.

“Wow! He never mentioned it?” She laughs in astonishment.

“Not once! I think he’s forgotten really. It’s not like there was really much to see anyway.” You go back and forth like that all night, sharing stories, buying each other drinks, dancing together. It is perfect.

Across the bar Matthew smiles to himself, watching the two of you getting along so well.

“Dude I told you they’d get along!” Noah Hanifin says slapping a hand over Matthew’s shoulder. He doesn’t hear him come over to where he stood leaning against the bar watching you and Macy dancing together, so it startled him at first.

“I knew they probably would, it’s just if they didn’t,” Matthew stops for a moment staring down at his drink. “I wouldn’t be able to choose.”

“Why would you have to choose?” Noah doesn’t get it, and Matthew isn’t sure the answer really.

“Every time I’ve been seeing a girl they always get weird once they finally meet y/n. Most of them just can’t handle the fact I’m so close to a girl.” He shrugs, and Noah sends him a knowing smile.

“So you’ve never told me, were the two of you ever a thing?” Noah asks, taking a drink of the beer in his hand.

Matthew throws his head back laughing loudly. “Seriously Hanifin? You’ve met the two of us right? We have been friends forever. Nothing else.”

“You’ve never even just hooked up? I don’t know, you two just fit so well together I assumed you would have tried it out at least once.” Noah shrugs.

“No way!” Matthew chuckles awkwardly, wanting the conversation to end.

As the two friends lean against the bar in silence, his eyes fall on you. You’re wearing a cute little black dress similar to the one you’d worn the day he thought he’d lost you.

It is your birthday, and Matthew can’t wait to give you the present he bought you weeks ago. It is a miracle he kept it a secret this long. Sure your party isn’t for another hour or so, but he can at least help everyone get ready. That way he can give you your present sooner, and without the prying eyes of your mutual friends.

So here he was walking up to your front door, the little velvet box tucked inside his backpack. Inside it a beautiful gold necklace, the pendant a simple letter ‘M’. Sure, maybe it was cheesy, but you love cheesy. As for Matthew he loves seeing you happy, and he loves you.

“Hey Matthew honey! Y/n is in her room.” Your mother greets him as he comes through the front door. He exchanges a quick hello and starts up the stairs to your room.

Matthew takes a shaky breath, trying to steady his breathing. His heart is racing, why is he so nervous? He tries to convince himself it is just because he wants you to like the gift and not because he has feelings for you. When he finally pushes open your door though, all of the air he had just tried to hold onto, leaves his body immediately. There you are. Standing in front of your mirror, back to him. Your hair curled loosely, and wearing nothing but a set of navy blue lingerie. Matthew is frozen, unable to speak. His eyes rake over your body, even though he knows it is wrong. You look good. So good in fact, Matthew’s pants have tightened considerably since he stepped through your door.

“Oh fuck!” He groans, eyes widening as he finally realizes the gravity of the situation. He watches you spin around, horror and embarrassment clear on your face.

“MATTHEW JESUS CHRIST GET OUT!” You yell, you sound so angry to Matthew. He is immediately embarrassed. Embarrassed to be caught, but mostly embarrassed by the affect you have on him.

Matthew runs home. He pleads with Brady to just put his name on the gift he is bringing, and to let you know he isn’t feeling well. The truth is, he doesn’t feel well. He is scared. Scared everything has to change. The two of you don’t talk all weekend, but maybe Matthew stalks your Instagram to make sure you have a good birthday.

However, the following Monday the two of you fall back into your normal routine. The incident is never brought up again, aside from in Matthew’s dreams that is.

Matthew shakes his head, trying to physically rid it of the memory. He smiles sadly down at his drink knowing that the necklace he bought you that year now sits safely in a box on the top shelf of his closet. He never got to give it to you.

“What ‘cha thinkin’ ‘bout space cadet?” You grin up at him. He smiles back at you, and throws his arm around your shoulder. Subconsciously he scans the room for Macy. “Chill out Matty she’s in the bathroom. You looking to dip on me already? I mean how can I blame you? If I got to go home with someone THAT hot I’d be leaving as soon as I could.”

“I’m not trying to dip!” He shoots back in defence.

“Okay! Okay! Cool it Chucky! I’m just teasing. I like her a lot! Why were you so worried?” You wrap an arm around his waist as he pulls you tighter into his side.

“Dunno. I guess your opinion is kind of important to me. Wouldn’t wanna displease my sidekick.” He smirks down at you.

“Oh please! If anyone is the sidekick here it’s you Tkachuk! Know your place.” You tease, as Macy finds her way over to the two of you. “He’s getting on my nerves! He’s your problem now. Have fun lovebirds!” You wink at them as you slip away. You need another drink, something hard. You also need someone to take home tonight. So you wouldn’t have to think about Matthew and Macy.

You like her. She is perfect for him, and she makes him happy. That’s what you want. It doesn’t mean you don’t wish it was you.

————

The next morning Matthew makes his way back to his own apartment. He had spent the night at Macy’s, but decides to get home early as his parents and siblings are going to be in town later in the day. When he turns down the hall, he notices the guy leaning against your doorframe. He can’t see you, but he can hear your laugh. “I’ll see you later yeah?” Nathan says leaning in to press a kiss to your lips.

“Um sure. Yeah.” You immediately start beating yourself up internally for how awkward that sounded. Sure Nathan is sweet, and last night was great! He just doesn’t feel right.

You say your final goodbyes, and promise to text him later before you close your door. Little do you know, your best friend is waiting in the hallway to greet your new friend. “Fun night fella?” Matthew smirks at him.

His eyes go wide as he realized who exactly it is standing in front of him. Matthew’s ego inflates significantly at how terrified this guy seems. “Uh yeah it was alright.” Nathan manages to stammer out.

“She’s something isn’t she? I’m Matthew.” Matt sticks his hand out for the stranger.

“Nathan, and uh yeah she’s great.” The two continue awkward small talk for a couple seconds longer before Matthew lets himself into your apartment.

“So Michael huh?” Matthew grins over at you. You roll your eyes, taking a long drink of your coffee from where you stand leaning against the counter.

“It’s Nathan, but you knew that smart ass. What about him?” You challenge, slightly annoyed that he had to show up and give you a hard time. Matthew just shrugs walking over to you, pushing himself up onto the counter beside you.

“He just doesn’t seem like your type.”

“Matty, how the hell would you even know what my type is?” You cross your arms glaring at him.

“He’s skinny, and he is definitely vanilla as all hell. Sure those aren’t bad things, but you and I both know you want a strong man to be in control. Only in the bedroom of course.” He adds with a wink. Your cheeks flame in response, shoving him. He’s exactly right. Nathan was a little scrawny, and not overly confident in the bedroom. Sure he was great, but he wasn’t Matthew. You curse yourself for even thinking about your friend that way. Your best friend that’s all he is.

“Matthew, get out of my apartment. Your family will be here soon, and I need to get ready to see my favourite Tkachuk.” You tease back. He rolls his eyes, but says nothing as he slips from the counter making his way out of your apartment.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as the door shuts behind him. You need to start distancing yourself from him before things get out of hand.

————

“Y/N!!!” Brady gathers you up in a hug before you even have the chance to close Matthew’s door.

“Hey Brady” you giggle into his hair. He sets you down after giving you a quick spin, pressing a soft kiss to your hairline.

“How’ve you been bug?” He asks, throwing an arm over your shoulder after you finally shut the door. Him and Matthew have called you the dumb nickname for a long time, and at this point it hardly bothers you. You and Brady were always really close, but it was never the same as you and Matthew. He was more like a brother for you, one you annoy, share all your secrets with (especially if they involved boys), and also gave him a hard time. With Matthew, sure you annoy each other, and share secrets, but you and Matthew were a team. Inseparable. It doesn’t make sense, even to you, but you did love them both.

“Not too bad, trying to keep Mr. Hotshot in check. The usual. Though I’ve had some help recently, so honestly I’ve been a little bored.” You quip loud enough for Matthew to hear. Judging by the look on Matthews face though, he hadn’t missed any of the interaction.

“Oh get a room already would you!” He grumbles rolling his eyes and walking away. You and Brady share a look, and he shrugs to signal he’s just as confused as you.

Brady leads you to the couch, and you sit down. The two of you already deep in conversation, catching up on your lives. Taryn finds her way to the couch soon after joining in on your conversation. “So what’s she like?” Taryn asks after awhile.

“Macy?” You ask, and the two siblings nod at you expectantly. “She’s really great! She’s kind, smart, and not to mention a total bombshell! She is perfect for Matthew, I’m happy for them.” Brady just looks at you with a sad smile.

You want to tell him that it’s the truth, that you actually love her to death. Something stops you though, you’re not sure why, but you stay quiet.

Soon after Macy knocks on the door. Matthew runs to answer it before either of his siblings can even react. When you see her, your heart nearly stops. Once again you are in awe of just how beautiful she is. You stay rooted in your spot on the couch as the Tkachuk family takes turns fawning over her. For the first time ever, you felt out of place. You’ve spent the better part of a decade being that girl, the one the whole family raves about. The family chirping Matthew about what a miracle it was you stuck around. Sure it got old fast, but you loved it. Now you can’t help the jealousy that spreads it’s roots through your heart.

After the dinner, if you could even call delivered Chinese food that, you pull Matthew aside after the others make their way to the living room. “Hey Matt, I’m gonna head home I’m kinda tired.”

“String bean do that much damage Y/n/n?” He smirks down at you, and your face twists a little unable to find the humour in his friendly chirp. Matthew’s smirk quickly falls from his face. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah ‘m fine Matty. I’m just gonna go okay? I’ll talk to you tomorrow yeah? Tell everyone I’m glad I got to see them.” You muster a small smile as you turn towards the door. “You’re not gonna say bye yourself?”

“They’re having fun Matt.” You send him a better smile at that, trying to let him know everything is okay. You feel far from okay though, and you can’t even explain why. “And you should be too! Now get in there before Brady talks Macy into finding someone better!” You give him a playful shove towards the chatter in the living room. Thankfully Matthew chuckles at that, and let’s you go.

He watches you closely as you leave, and he feels guilty. Running through his mind everything that might have made you want to leave. Was it Brady? Was it him?

God it was killing him, and that was evident on his face as he walks into the living room. Brady catching his eye as soon as he did, noticing the frown that Matthew quickly covers with a smile. “Y/n told me to let you know she was heading home for the night, and she was so happy to see you all. Except Brady of course.”

“Awe well I wish you let us know before she left Matt, we hardly see that girl anymore.” Chantal spoke, but Matthew barely heard her. All he could focus on was the glare Brady was sending him. Matthew just shrugs at his brother, his form of silent communication to let Brady know he doesn’t know what he was upset about. Brady responded with his own silent gesture, a head nod in the direction of the kitchen.

As he peels himself from the chair he was seated in, Brady makes his way silently to the kitchen. Matthew follows, hand rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly once the two brothers are finally alone. “Why did she really leave? What did you say to her?” Brady was quick to jump on Matthew with questions, that if he were honest, Matthew was not expecting.

“What the fuck are you talking about? She was tired so she went home.” Matthew throws back, already angry his brother assumes it was his fault.

“It’s Y/n we are talking about! That girl has been around for years, I’ve seen her pass out at our kitchen table on family game night. She’d sooner fall asleep on the couch and spend as much time with us as she could than to just leave. And without saying good bye? Seriously dude what the hell did you say?” Brady was trying to keep his voice down, but he was upset. You were his friend too.

“Nothing! And how could I? She spent all night talking to you! She’s probably just going home to sleep with that idiot Nathan anyway.” Matthew grumbles. Brady freezes at his brothers statement. “Nathan?”

“Yeah some guy she took home from the bar last night.” Matthew explains like it was common knowledge, “he seems like an idiot.”

“Matt are you jealous?” Brady asks, a shit eating grin plastered on his face. Matthew rolls his eyes and groans out loud. “Brady are you stupid? No wait don’t answer that, you are. Y/n is my best friend. She can sleep with whoever she wants whenever she wants. I have a girlfriend.” Matthew’s fists clench at his sides, and Brady’s eyes flicker down to them briefly.

“Well the two of you need to figure your shit out.” Brady adds, turning on his heels and heading back to his spot in the living room. Matthew unclenches his fists, and takes a deep breath before joining the rest of his family again.

———

You sit on your bed, legs tucked under you, leaning back against the headboard. You press Brady’s contact, and watch as the phone rings. You didn’t FaceTime Brady often, but this was necessary. “What’s up bug?” Brady’s smile immediately makes you feel less anxious.

“Well it’s kind of a long story, I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple months now. He’s great, but I don’t really know how to introduce him to Matt without him being weird about it.” You chew your bottom lip anxiously, cheeks warm with embarrassment. It sounds so stupid to say it out loud. Brady’s laughing pulls you out of your spiral. “What’s so funny? Brady I’m serious Matthew makes everything so awkward!”

Finally Brady manages to catch his breath. “Y/n I had basically this exact same conversation about four months ago with Matt. You two are literally impossible! You’re best friends, you just want each other to be happy. As for Nathan-“

“How do you know his name? I never told you that?” Your dumbfounded expression has Brady in hysterics once again. “Matthew.” You groan, finally having pieced it all together. You mumble something about having to go before you end the conversation with Brady. You pull on an old hoodie of Matthew’s that’s slightly too big for you, and quickly make your way to Matthew’s apartment.

You let yourself in, like you always have. Instead of being met by Matt playing video games like you expected, you’re met with a much more horrifying image. Matt has Macy pinned to the couch, and let’s just say they aren’t having a wrestling match. The noise of shock that escapes you alerts the couple of your presence. “Y/n!” Matthew exclaimes quickly crawling off of Macy. He grabs the nearest throw pillow covering his junk with it awkwardly.

After far too long of gaping at the couple you manage to snap out of it, turning back to head for the door again. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I didn’t- oh Jesus! Pretend I was never here I’m sorry!” You’re out of his apartment in record time. Collapsing just inside your apartment door, tears stinging your eyes. The embarrassment was overwhelming, how were you supposed to face either of them ever again?

———

“Well fuck!” Matthew groans after the door slams shut behind you. Macy starts giggling from her place on the couch, and Matthew sends her a glare.

“Oh loosen up tough guy! At least you’re even now!” She shoots back wiggling her eyebrows at him. Matthew stands frozen in his place. “What are you talking about?”

“Her 17th birthday Matthew, do you actually not remember that?” Macy let’s out an awkward laugh, as she watches the pain on Matt’s face. “She told you that?” Matthew is angry, and he knows he shouldn’t be. Why would you tell his girlfriend about that when you have never even talked to him about it? He’s your best friend.

Macy just nods, slightly scared to actually admit it out loud. Matthew lets out a small ‘oh.’ before leaving the room. He emerges a few minutes later fully clothed to find Macy gathering her things to leave.

“I’m sorry you don’t have to leave.” Matthew mumbles, but he only half means it. Sure he doesn’t want her to leave, but he needs to talk to you. Needs to make this right.

“Go talk to her Matty, seriously. Figure it out, I’m not sure why it made you so upset that she just walked in here. What did you expect? She always does. Set some boundaries maybe? You’re a grown man Matthew, it’s not my job to play the parent and fix whatever is happening here.” Macy huffs, slamming the door just as hard as you had not long before. Why was everyone so upset with him? First Brady, then you, now Macy too? What was he doing wrong? And why did the get so upset about Macy bringing up your 17th birthday?

Matthew tries not to get caught up in his mind too long. Instead he roots through his closet shelves looking for your birthday present. Sure maybe it was 6 years late, but how else could he make up for the awkward night?

———

You are laying on your living room floor when Matthew lets himself into your apartment. “What are you doing on the floor?” Matthew chuckles, leaning against the wall closest to you.

“‘M not sure.” You mumble, unable to look at him. Instead you study a paint chip directly above you. You hear Matthew set something down before he pushes your coffee table a few feet away. He then drops himself next to you rather ungracefully, tucking an arm behind his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t knock.” You say quietly, so quietly in fact Matthew almost doesn’t hear it. He does though and he turns his head to face you.

You turn towards him, taking in his features for the first time since he entered your apartment. The sad smile on his face knocks the wind out of you for a moment, as you get lost in his blue eyes. “When have you and I ever knocked? I should’ve put a sock on the door handle.” He chirps back, sealing it with a wink. You laugh lightly at his comment, and turn your gaze back to the paint chip.

The two of you stay like that for awhile. Staring at a paint chip, in total silence. Your thoughts consuming you, as the tension seems to grow thicker by the second. You’re not sure how long passed before Matthew breaks the silence, but it was long enough that it startled you when he does. “At least we are even now. Though I’m pretty sure you got to see a lot more than I did.”

Lifting yourself up onto your forearms you turn to him again, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, I thought you’d forgotten. Or maybe you just didn’t want to talk about it with me because you were so angry. I just can’t believe you talked about it with Macy and not me.” He rambles on, but now it was him refusing to look at you. He looks hurt, and your mind races trying to put the pieces together. Then it hits you.

“My birthday.” You say, more to yourself than Matthew, but he nods finally meeting your gaze. “I’m sorry Matt, I just thought if I told her that story it would ease her mind about us. I was too scared to bring it up to you, and then so much time had passed it felt wrong to even talk about it.” Your confession causes Matthew to look even more confused. “Ease her mind? How would that story ease her mind?”

So you tell him. You tell him about how, like everyone else who has met the two of you, Macy assumed something had happened between you. A kiss. A relationship. A hookup. Something. “So I told her the story so she’d understand that even at 17 you were appalled by the sight of me, and how embarrassed I had been. And I told her that was our one and only ‘intimate’ experience.” You make sure to throw air quotes around the term intimate. Your explanation however, did not seem to make Matthew feel better.

“Are you serious? Not once in my life have I ever been ‘appalled’ by your appearance.” He looks extremely offended as he uses air quotes in the most mocking way possible. “Why would you even think that?” You laugh at that, though there is very little humour behind it.

“Matthew, we were 17. I’m not much to look at now, and back then?” You wince at the mere thought of your 17 year old body. “I certainly never had anything like the girls you were into Matty. I’m not stupid it’s okay.” He stares at you now. Mouth open slightly, eyes scanning your face. Waiting, hoping you’d say you were joking. Admit you didn’t see yourself as less than any girl Matthew had ever been with, but you don’t. Instead you stare right back at him, an emotion swimming in your eyes Matthew can’t quite place.

“You really think I ran away because I was grossed out by that whole encounter?” He askes, and you nod. Your eyes dropping to the floor. Matthew lets out a deep laugh, and falls back against the floor again. “Y/n. That is so incredibly far from the truth! I was embarrassed, so embarrassed that I ran the whole way home and locked myself in my room. I then pleaded with Brady to just go without me, and put my name on his gift because I thought you were mad at me. I thought you looked incredible, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever sprung a boner so fast in my life.” Your stomach flutters at his confession. The thought of Matthew thinking about you like that made the want you’d been pushing down for years start to bubble up again. You can’t bring yourself to respond, instead you pick absentmindedly at a loose thread on your shorts. Matthew lets out a loud groan, pulling himself up off the floor entirely.

“Sorry if that made this weird. I hope you understand that you shouldn’t ever compare yourself to any girl. You’re amazing y/n.” You smile up at him and mumble a thank you. It takes everything in you to will away the tears that begin to form in your eyes. “If you don’t believe my story,” Matthew nods to a small box sitting on the coffee table he’d moved earlier. “that is the birthday present I planned to give you that day. It’s the whole reason I walked into your room that day, I wanted you to have it before everyone else showed up.”

With that, Matthew is gone again. A single tear rolls down your cheek as you take in the small box, wrapped in pink wrapping paper. Poorly wrapped you might add. You stand up grabbing the box and a blanket. Wrapping yourself tightly in the blanket, you fall back against the couch examining the package closely.

After twenty minutes of staring at it, you peel away the pink paper with trembling fingers. The dark velvet box, has a sticky note stuck to the top. As you read it, the tears start to fall steadily.

Happy Birthday! I hope you know just how much you mean to me. Hopefully this gift will mean that you never forget me. Love you bug xx-Matty

The little heart he drew at the end pulls a sob out of you. Contrary to the sobs now wracking your body, a smile forms on your face. Slowly, you flip open the small box. Gasping loudly, the box slips from your grasp as both hands come to your face. Although moments ago you wouldn’t have thought it possible, you cry harder now. The necklace is simply beautiful. The small golden ‘M’ makes your heart soar, and break simultaneously.

Your mind runs in circles now. Had you received the gift on the day you were intended to, would things be different? The gift seems more than platonic. You need to confide in someone. You had no idea who to call. You can’t call Brady, he wouldn’t understand. You most definitely can’t call Macy.

Without even thinking you pick up your phone and press on one contact. The phone rings as you press it to your ear. “Hello?”

“It’s beautiful Matt, but it’s too much I can’t take this.” Your voice is shaking and you hope he can’t hear it. Your heart is racing, mind spinning, and nausea swirls through you.

“Y/n/n, keep it please. I bought it years ago, I can’t return it. You’re still my best friend and I want you to have it. We are still friends...” Matthew pauses for a moment, “right?”

“Of course!” You say trying to fight off the urge to tell him you aren’t. You of course would always be friends, but you don’t want that anymore. You can’t continue being a third wheel. “Actually that’s why I went over earlier. I wanted to invite you and Macy out to dinner. Tomorrow night. With me and my boyfriend. If you’re free of course!”

You couldn’t sound more awkward if you tried, but Matthew agrees. You make plans to meet at your favourite diner the following evening, and then say goodnight.

Matthew doesn’t need to know that you slipped the gold chain on after hanging up. Just like you don’t need to know Matthew was currently canceling plans he had previously made with Macy.

———

“Matthew this is-“ You start to introduce the two men standing in front of you, but Matthew quickly interrupts.

“Nathan I know. Nice to uh- see you again I guess?” Nathan let’s out an awkward chuckle as he shakes Matthews hand. “Anyways!” You say breaking the awkward silence that fills the space around you. “Where is Macy anyway?” You ask, taking your seat at the table. Both guys follow suit, and Matthews gaze finally falls to you.

“She sends her apologies, something came up with work. You’re stuck with just me tonight.” He says, sending a wink in Nathan’s direction.

“Tkachuk I swear to god. Be a pest on the ice all you want, but can we for once have a civil meal?” You glare at him across the table, and Nathan sets a hand gently on your shoulder.

“Don’t worry babe, he’s just having some fun.” Nathan says reassuringly. You smile at him, but the smile quickly fades when Matthew speaks up again. “Yeah babe, we’re just having fun.” He laughs mockingly.

Dinner continues a lot like that. Back and forth, both men trying to prove something. Nathan trying to prove to Matthew that he isn’t temporary. Matthew trying to prove to Nathan, that Matthew is a constant in your life and can end this in a second if he wanted. Whatever this was. The pair even argue over who would pay the bill. You end up paying it yourself, as you leave the testosterone at the table to battle it out.

Nathan has to get home, as he has work early tomorrow. So of course Matthew takes it upon himself the drive you back home. The ride is silent, and you fiddle with the chain around your neck the whole way. No words are spoken until Matthew puts the car in park. “String bean know you’re wearing my initial?” He smirks, eyes falling to where your hands still tug at the chain.

“What’s your issue with him?” You spit, anger getting the better of you. “I was nothing but accepting of Macy. I befriended her for you Matthew! Why can you not for once just be nice and do this one thing for me?” You don’t wait for his response, instead you throw yourself out of the vehicle. You forego the elevator, choosing instead to take the stairs to get to your apartment as fast as you can. Once there you slam your door, and bang your forehead against the back of the door.

After a moment of just leaning against the inside of the door a small knock sounds from the other side. “Go away.” You grumble, knowing exactly who is on the other side.

“Bug. Please just listen.” He pauses for a moment and you just let out a shaky breath. “I’m scared you’re settling. I want you to be happy, but I get the feeling he’s not it. I’m sorry I was rude, that was a dick move. I just really care about you, and just because I know I could totally take string bean in a fight, doesn’t mean I want to. I know you’re lonely, and you’re feeling like a third wheel. You’re allowed to date Bug, but I want you to be happy and loved. If it’s really string be- Nathan.” He corrects himself, “If it’s really Nathan you want, then great! I’ll apologize to him, and we can move on. But Y/n, I think you and I both know he’s not. Find what you want and go get it. You deserve it.” Tears are flowing silently down your cheeks. Matt is right. Nathan is not what you want, he never will be. It’s Matt, it’s always been Matt.

After a minute or two of trying to compose yourself, you really think about Matthew’s words. Find what you want and go get it. He’s right, how can you ever be happy if you don’t at least try to chase what you want? So with that you fling open your door, ready to run into Matthew’s arms. To tell him how you feel, to tell him that it’s him you want.

As if the world was trying to play a cruel trick on you, it’s not Matt’s arms you’re greeted with. Instead of being held tightly in his warm embrace, you find yourself surrounded by a cold and empty hallway. It’s so quiet, you can practically hear the sound of your heart breaking all over again. You laugh humourlessly at how stupid you feel. You had hoped Matt’s words of encouragement were a sign. A sign that he could see your harboured feelings, and wanted nothing more than for you to act on them.

Matt watches you through the peephole in his apartment door, heart shattering as you shrink back into your apartment. Nothing was fixed. Macy had told him to fix this, but he’d only manage to make it worse.

———

“Why’d you call her that?” Macy presses, moments after her and Matt walk into his apartment. Matthew shrugs, which is not helping the situation. He could just be honest, and tell Macy that he and Brady had always called you bug.

It all started one summer afternoon when you had thrown a total fit after Brady had pointed out a bug had landed in your hair. For months Brady and Matthew would randomly yell ‘BUG!’ while pointing at you to get a reaction. At some point they just started calling you bug. It was stupid and platonic. At least it was for Brady. The way Matthew said it was always different. It gave you butterflies, and Matthew would be lying if he said he didn’t love the pet name.

“It’s just a nickname.” He defends, walking to the kitchen. She follows closely behind him, watching closely as he grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. He leans against the counter taking a long drink, as Macy stands with her arms crossed waiting for more. Matthew was getting frustrated with the whole situation. “Are you seriously upset about me calling her bug?” He asks in disbelief.

Macy shakes her head, laughing humourlessly with a roll of her eyes. “No Matthew. I’m not. It’s a cute little nickname and that’s absolutely fine. It’s the fact that when she’s around you’re different. It’s like you’re scared to stand too close to me, like she might be upset about it. You tiptoe around her, you didn’t even want to tell her about me Matt. Are you ashamed of me?” The emotion evident in Macy’s eyes, is something Matt hasn’t seen from her before. Something he wasn’t expecting.

“Macy, I am not ashamed of you at all. I-it’s just that Y/n has no one in Calgary, and I’ve always been her bestfriend. When I started seeing you I was scared she’d cling to whoever she felt could fill the spot I had to step back from. And she did, and she isn’t happy with him. I’m sorry that you suffered because of it.” He tries to explain, walking to the girl standing in front of him. He grabs her hips and places a kiss to her temple as tears threate to slip down her cheeks.

“I’m your girlfriend Matt. Start acting like it.”

———

“How did it go?” Brady asks, his goofy smile way too close to the screen. He FaceTimed you a few times a month usually. Checking in, on you and Matt both. He knows you had gone to dinner with Matt and Nathan two nights ago now. You know he called looking to say ‘I told you so’, but you know he won’t be able to. This was one time you truly wish he could.

“Uh it. Well, it wasn’t great.” You frown, and Brady’s smile quickly falls as well. “Nathan and I broke up.”

“WHAT!? Do I have to fight a man, because I have done it before and I’ll do it again?” He jokes to lighten the mood that quickly shifted.

“I actually broke up with him...” Brady’s face twists in confusion. Trying to piece together what he’s missing. A week ago you were so stressed out about Matthew not liking this guy, that you didn’t even want them to meet. Now you had broken up with him? Needless to say Brady was baffled. “He wasn’t what I wanted, I was settling.” You mumble a little embarrassed, as you fiddle with the chain that hasn’t left your neck.

“Y/n... you have to move on.” Brady says gently. Certainly not the reaction you were expecting.

“Brady, I’m fine. I broke up with him. I’m over Nathan, honestly there was nothing to get over.” You shake your head, bringing a smile to your face to emphasize the fact you are okay.

“Not Nathan.” Brady sighs shaking his head. It doesn’t make sense, but judging by the serious tone of his voice and the gentle smile. You aren’t going to like where this was going. “You need to get over Matthew.”

The minute the words leave his mouth you want to scream and cry. Tell him he’s wrong, and an asshole for even assuming that. You want to tell him he’s right. To ask him for help. You want to ask him why you have to get over him, and explain that you can’t. You want to ask him so many questions, but only one comes out; “Why have I never been good enough for him Brady?” You’re crying now. No actually, you’re sobbing. You’re inconsolable, and Brady is in Ottawa.

“Y/n it’s not like that.” He doesn’t know how to let you down easy. How can he explain that Matthew loves everything about you, but would never love you the way you love him? How can someone explain that you were exactly what Matthew wants, and that’s why you’ll never be his. Matthew can’t lose you. He can’t wreck what you have. Brady doesn’t know that Matthew used to want you that way. All he knows is that anytime he, Chantal, Taryn, or Keith brought it up Matthew would laugh and say he could never date you. You are his bestfriend. The truth is, Matthew knows he isn’t good enough. Not for you. No one ever will be. You are perfect to him.

“Forget it.” You bark, more aggressively than Brady deserves, but you are hurt. You have never talked to anyone about how you feel about Matthew. Having Brady call you out like that terrifies you. Who else knows? Taryn? Chantal? Does Matthew know? Just the thought of it makes your stomach churn. You immediately end the FaceTime call, not allowing Brady to say anything else.

He tries calling back. You ignore him, just like you ignore the constant stream of texts. He even has Taryn trying to get ahold of you. Of course he does. You shut off your phone, and curl up on your couch. The bad reality tv show playing softly in the background can’t even keep your attention. You instead, stare at the coffee table. It’s still pushed farther to one side of your living room, right where Matt left it. You continue to stare at it, your whole body feeling numb, until finally sleep takes over.

———

Matthew knows something is up as soon as Brady calls him. “What happened Brady?” Matthew asks, concern for you beating out any rational thoughts. He knows how pathetic he sounds, and prays his brother doesn’t pick up on it. As soon as Brady mentions your name, Matthew demands more information, but Brady won’t tell him what happened.

“I’m sure she’s fine Matt, I just upset her and now she won’t answer my calls. Please just check on her and tell her I’m sorry.” Brady says, before abruptly being hung up on. Again.

Matthew quickly makes his way to your door, and lets himself in. Sure he should knock, but he knows if you are upset you likely won’t answer anyway. The sight that meets Matthew when he enters your apartment makes his heart burst. There you are, curled up in a blanket fast asleep, hand clutching the pendant around your neck. He tries his best to stop the feeling in his gut as he realizes how domestic this moment feels.

Matthew gathers you in his arms as gently as he can, and carries you to your bedroom. As he lays you down, you adjust yourself slightly, but it is clear you are out like a light. “You’ll find him bug.” Matt whispers as he places a gentle kiss to your hairline. “The perfect guy is going to come along and sweep you off your feet. You’ll have that big wedding you’ve always wanted, a couple beautiful little babies, and I’ll be there cheering you on. You’re perfect bug, never settle.” Matthew fights back the lump that forms in his throat, as he pushes the hair gently from your face. “I wish it could’ve been me.” He says it so quietly that if you had been awake you still may not have heard him. So he leaves, pushing all those thoughts away and trying to remember that you’ll always be his best friend. Just his best friend.

———

“Well if it isn’t Matthew’s better half!” Mark greets you as you find your way into the backyard. You somehow got an invite to the teams’ end of the season BBQ, and now here you are already getting chirped by the captain.

“Easy there Gio, Matt has a girlfriend now remember?” You joke back with a wink, but you feel a twinge of sadness. You don’t have much time to think about it though, as the captain throws his arm over your shoulder and leans down to whisper in your ear. “I’ve always liked you better though, not sure why he’d pass up on you.” The blush that floods your cheeks makes your whole body feel hot with embarrassment. You know he’s joking, but it does feel good to hear it.

Mark leads you deeper into the yard, as you say hi to everyone. “There she is!” Your head snaps around quickly as you hear Matt’s voice. As soon as your eyes land on him, you notice his are already on you. “Hey Matty!” You greet with a smile as he wraps you in his arms. He smells like sweat and beer, and he refuses to let you out of his grasp. That is until you hear someone clear their throat, and he pulls away awkwardly.

“Macy! How’ve you been?” You greet her with a big smile and pull her into a hug. She responds quietly, and soon after excuses herself to get a drink. You send Matt a questioning look, but he only shrugs and drags you to the beer pong table announcing you are his partner.

That’s how your afternoon goes, beating everyone in beer pong with Matt as your partner. You’re slowly getting tipsy, and subsequently warmer. Peeling your top off, Johnny Gaudreau whistles loudly from across the table. You are wearing a pretty revealing red bikini top, but given the fact you are slightly intoxicated Johnny’s reaction doesn’t bother you. In fact it is welcomed as you send him a wink.

“Hey Gaudreau! How about you stop staring at my friends chest and throw the damn ball?” Matt growls beside you. You bump your hip with his, and furrow your brows at him silently asking if he’s okay. He shakes his head gently in dismissal as he smiles at you.

Macy sits quietly to your left, watching you all play. She watches the way Matt places his hands on your hips to help you get in position. Watches as he lifts you into the air spinning you around after you win a round. Watches as Matthew tries to advert his gaze as you peel your shirt off, his neck turning red, and not because of the hot sun. The straw for Macy was when she seew the emotions on Matt’s face as Johnny hits on you. His entire body tensing, as he grips the edge of the table. Why was he so protective of you? Would Matthew not be happy if two of his best friends dated? It is in that moment that it becomes clear to her. It has nothing to do with him not wanting you to be with Johnny. He wants you to be with him.

———

“Everything okay? You’ve barely said a thing to me all day.” Matt asks when he and Macy finally make it back to his apartment. She sighs loudly, starting to gather anything of hers laying around the apartment.

“You were busy having fun Matt, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that. Or anything for that matter.” She responds, though her words only confuse him more. She just sends a soft smile in his direction as she shoves more things into her bag.

“Aren’t you staying?” He asks, a small pout forming on his face. Macy shakes her head, turning toward Matt. Her face is apologetic, but mostly unreadable to Matthew.

“You know you’re in love with her right?” Macy blurts out, and quickly clarifies. “Y/n, you love her.”

“Since when?” Matthew shoots back, way too defensively.

“Since pretty much always. That’s why I’m breaking up with you.” She smiles sadly closing the distance between the two. Placing a small kiss to his cheek, she whispers a small apology.

Matthew opens his mouth to protest, ask her to stay. Tell her she’s wrong, and that he loves her, not you. He can’t though, because it would be a lie. She knows it, and so does he. So he watches as she leaves, an uneasy feeling in his stomach as a single tear falls down his face. What has he done?

———

You decide to take a few summer classes to help make your work load for the upcoming school year a little more manageable. Choosing to stay in Calgary for the summer, instead of traveling back to St. Louis with Matthew to see your family. Matthew tries to convince you to go, but you tell him you can’t. You need some distance from him anyway.

———

It was distance you got. You barely talk to him all summer, and tonight will be the first time you’ve seen him since that night at the BBQ.

“How is Matthew doing?” Elias’ girlfriend Annica asks you, as the two of you take your seats at the home opener. You shrug and sigh taking a sip of your drink. “I don’t know, I’ve barely spoken to him since the BBQ at Gio’s.” You admit, a small frown on your face.

“Wait? Did he not tell you!?” She practically shrieks in your ear. You just give her a confused look, a wide smile stretching across her face. “About him and Macy!”

Immediately your stomach drops. You brace yourself for the announcement. Maybe they’ve moved in together? Got engaged? Having a baby? All of the thoughts make you feel sick, but you smile over at Annica trying to hide your emotions. “No I haven’t spoken to either of them really. What are they finally tying the knot?” You try and joke, but really you’re terrified of the answer. Annica’s face falls slightly. Confusion written all over her face.

“They broke up.” Annica explains in a light tone. Almost as if she was explaining it to a child. “Oh.” Was all you manage to choke out, as Annica watches you. She’s waiting for more of a reaction, but you can only sit in shock. What happened? Why didn’t he tell you? Why did no one tell you?

You can barely sit still through the game, you’re mind is running wild. Why had Matt not talked to you about this? Why had he barely spoken to you at all? Was he okay? Who broke up with who? Why do you care so much? Soon enough though all of your questions will be answered. You are standing next to Annica outside the locker rooms, tapping your foot nervously. She asks if you are okay, and all you can do is nod. Elias makes his way out of the dressing room and over to you. He gives you both a quick hug and you congratulate him on their win. “Matt will be out in a few minutes.” He smiles at you, and you tell the couple to have a good night as they leave. Gio and Johnny both stop to talk to you on their way out.

Johnny hangs back and waits with you. “How was your summer? Finally got a break from the pest I hear.” He teases, leaning against the wall beside you. You smirk up at him, “My summer was great! Significantly quieter than I’m used to, but I enjoyed it. It’s nice to see you again though, how was your summer?” He smiles brightly down at you as he launches into some long story about how crazy his training was. You try to listen, and seem interested, but that becomes significantly harder as Matthew finally comes out of the dressing room.

He is wearing a navy blue suit with a white dress shirt. The top three buttons undone, and his tie just draping loosely around his neck. His hair is damp and falls across his forehead, he is staring at his phone still not having noticed you. He almost walks right past you, but you speak up grabbing his attention. “Any time for your biggest fan hotshot?” His eyes snap up from his phone, a grin replacing his previously shocked expression.

“My biggest fan huh?” He smirks pulling you into a tight hug. You grip onto his suit jacket tightly not wanting to let go as you hum into his chest. “That why you’re wearing that necklace?” He teases and you blush trying to hide your face even further in his chest. “Shut up,” You mumble, “I missed you.” He kisses the top of your head mumbling about missing you too. Johnny clears his throat awkwardly, as you quickly pull away from Matthew.

“Well I’m going to head out now, goodnight you two.” Johnny winks at you as he walks away. You turn back towards Matthew to see him smiling down at you, and your stomach drops. A small frown makes its way onto your face as you remember exactly what you came to talk to Matthew about. “Matt, we need to talk.” His face falls a little bit, but he nods and grabs your hand in his. He starts walking further into the building, and you follow. Eyes trained on your hand in his, heart beating rapidly in your chest. You’re so nervous, that you hardly even realize Matthew is leading you up the steps and into two seats in the top row of the arena. As the two of you sit down, you don’t look at him. Instead you stare down at the ice, now only lit by the emergency lights causing a strange glow. You’ve never seen the arena like this, so quiet and lifeless. Your internal thoughts seem amplified in the silence, but you can’t seem to find the words to say what you’re thinking.

You’re not sure how long the two of you sit in silence before Matthew let’s out a sigh, turning towards you. “St. Louis isn’t the same without you.” He says quietly, a sad smile on his face as you finally meet his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Macy?” You blurt out, face heating up in embarrassment once again. Matt stares at you for a moment, before dropping his eyes to his hands that are now fidgeting in his lap.

“I didn’t know what to say.” He mumbles out, playing with his fingers. You shake your head and sigh, pulling your eyes away from the distracting movements of his hands. You decide to examine the ice once again, wrapping your arms across your chest. You’re trying to brace yourself for how badly this might end.

“You didn’t know how to tell your best friend you broke up with your first really serious girlfriend?” Your voice is probably too accusatory, but you’re hurt. How can he keep so much of his life from you? Your mind is running in circles as you wait for a response, attempting to hold yourself tighter.

“Yeah like it’s that easy!” Matthew’s voice is significantly more angry than you are expecting, and your heart rate increases immediately. “I say ‘We broke up.’ And then you ask a million questions about what happened and why, I didn’t know how to say it!”

You look at him now. His eyes are glossy, and his face is red. In anger or embarrassment? Who knows, maybe both. “Matty, I know you really cared about her. It’s not easy to talk about, but if you’re going to move on you have to talk to someone.” You make sure to keep your voice gentle as you speak, “I want to be that person for you Matt, but if I’m not that’s okay. Just please talk to someone, you can’t stay broken forever.”

Matthew laughs at you, but it doesn’t make you feel better. The laugh is humourless, and you can hear the lack of emotion behind it. “That’s the part I can’t explain Y/n, you don’t get it! I’m not broken about it, and I should be! I was in love!” He’s frustrated now, as he runs his hands over his face and through his hair.

“Matthew, it’s okay. People fall out of love all the time!” You place a hand on his bicep to try and sooth him. It seems to work as you feel his muscles relax under your touch. He sighs softly beside you, as he lifts his eyes to meet yours once again.

“I didn’t fall out of love, I’m still in love.” Your brows furrow in confusion, as you search his eyes for any clue about what could be going on inside his head. “Just not with Macy.”

“T-there’s someone else?” You are taken aback, and now your mind is spinning. Did he cheat on Macy? Who is she? Matthew just nods in response. “Have I met her? Oh my god please don’t tell me it’s like one of the WAGs or something!” You are rambling uncontrollably, unable to comprehend what Matthew is trying to say. “Matthew did you cheat on Mac-“ Thankfully he was quick to cut you off.

“It’s you.”

You freeze. Eyes practically popping out of your skull, you open and close your mouth repeatedly. Sure you might look like a fish out of water, but that’s exactly how you feel. You must have misheard what he is saying. Right? The ‘you’ had to be someone else. The look Matthew is giving you right now though, a look of total honesty, a look that is teetering on the edge of disappointment. That look tells you all you need to know. He means you. He is in love with you.

“Since when?” You croak out. Your entire body is trembling with nerves, still terrified he will take it back. Maybe you’re being punked.

Matthew leans closer to you, uncrossing your arms that were still wrapped tightly across your chest. You can feel your heartbeat in your throat as he takes your trembling hands in his. His hands feel different now, softer. They are so much bigger than your own, and you’ve never noticed until now just how right they felt wrapped around your own.

Matthew releases on of your hands, as he brings one to your chin. He tilts your head so you’re looking into his eyes again. “Since always.” He smiles, pressing his forehead to yours. You subconsciously lick your lips, and Matthew takes that as a sign to lean in. His lips hover just above yours, but he doesn’t close the gap.

“Matty-“ you whine quietly, and he smirks in response.

“What’s wrong bug?” He’s teasing you now, and he knows it.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment since the tenth grade, please just kiss me!” Your pleads are finally answered as Matthew finally presses his lips to yours. It’s firm and certain, and intoxicating. Gripping his suit jacket, you pull him closer deepening the kiss even more. Matthew groans against your lips, one hand cradling your neck, the other gripping your hip tightly.

The kiss starts getting more intense, the years of built up tension and pining being shared in this one kiss. Matthew, despite not wanting to stop, pulls away first. Your lips chase his, not wanting the moment to end. Scared that when it does, you’ll wake up. Like this is all a dream. Or even worse, it’ll end, and Matthew tells you he was wrong.

“Easy tiger!” He chuckles, tucking some hair behind your ear. Matthew is positive you’ve never looked so beautiful. You’re lips are pink and swollen, face flushed lightly, and your eyes are big and bright as they look into his.

“Did you mean it?” You ask quietly, “When you said that you loved me, because Matty I can’t do this if you aren’t in. I can’t lose you.” Tears are stinging your eyes now, as your voice cracks with emotion. You can’t lose your best friend, and that has become more clear to you after not being with him all summer.

“I’m not going anywhere, if that’s what you want.” He looks at you hopefully. Your heart is beating so loudly in your chest, you’re almost positive he can hear it.

“Matthew of course this is what I want. I’ve always wanted you.” You pause momentarily, as you see a small smile spread across his face. His dimples now on full display. “I love you Tkachuk. I always have.”

He wastes no time kissing you again. Your hands tangle in his hair that’s still slightly damp, and his hands cup both of your cheeks. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles against your lips. You push him back, so you can look at him.

“Why are you apologizing?” You’re confused now, as you immediately begin building your walls back up. You’re waiting now, waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know this felt too perfect.

“Because,” he sighs, shoulders slumping under your gaze. “I should have done that so long ago. Instead I let you think you weren’t good enough. I let you go on believing that I didn’t love you. Brady told me about what you said, about not being good enough. I hope you know now that it was never like that. You are, if anything, too good for me. I was scared, and stupid, and I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Your heart breaks a little for him. You can see the remorse and guilt written all over his face. “Well Matthew. I can accept that apology under one condition.” You say teasingly, running your hand over his shoulder giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You take me out on a date.”

Matthew smiles brightly down at you, and places a soft kiss to your forehead. “On one condition.” He whispers, lips still pressed against your skin. “You let me take you out as my girlfriend.”

“Anyone ever told you that you’re just a big sap Tkachuk?” You smirk. You don’t think you’ve ever felt so happy.

“Actually my girlfriend has, just now. She’s kinda cute.” You slap his chest playfully and roll your eyes.

“Take me home Tkachuk.” You announce, pushing yourself to your feet. Matthew copies your actions, adding a little salute to make you laugh. It does the job, and Matthew has you laughing the whole way to his car. As he opens the door for you, you lean into his chest pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“You’re perfect.” Matthew says after the two of you are finally settled in to your respective seats in his car.

“Since when?” You scoff, rolling your eyes playfully.

“Always.”

[boldlyvoid]

Hypothetically | Chapter 25-27

summary: Reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

A/N: Set between seasons 4 and 6, not following canon. all original crimes based on real-life stories.

Warnings 18+: Murderers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Blood, Guns, mentions of autopsy, Fluff, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, bed-sharing, Riding, Unprotected Sex, Virgin Reader, Case of the Week, original crimes, Food mention, Smut, Oral Sex, Light BDSM, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Talk, obgyn appointments and info, Home Invasion, Past Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Emotional Manipulation, Grooming, Pedophilia mention, non-con oral (male receiving), Pregnant Sex, Daddy Kink, Breeding Kink, Homophobia, conversion therapy

Word Count: 18k

chapter 25

“What do you mean we’re working a missing dog case?” Hotch questioned his whole entire life at that moment as Mindy and Garcia explained the case they think they found.

“Sir, I promise you’re going to want to listen to this,” Garcia said softly, her green dress and pink hair pom-poms really reassuring him that everything was fine.

Y/N watched him roll his eyes and wish he was somewhere else, he had been getting more and more fed up with work lately. Having a hard time with Strauss, his wife, and the job in general. After Hayley almost died last year and being stabbed, he had the worst luck on the team.

“It’s going to take a minute for you to see what we see,” Mindy matched Garcia’s aura perfectly, dressed in a cat sweater.

“All 5 of these families have reported dogs missing in the Sacramento area. You think that’s not that weird, they’re probably stealing dogs for fights and step one in the serial killer handbook. But you’d be wrong,” Garcia explained, flipping from photos of missing dog posters to murdered families.

“The dogs go missing right, the parents put all their information onto a flyer, the flyer gets plastered into the neighbourhood where everyone sees it. The unsub takes the flyer, and the dog and returns it to the family just to get inside of the house. He learns what their safety protocols are like and then he decides to break in and murder,” Mindy laid it all out easily for them to follow.

“Is there any evidence that the killer is the dognapper?” Prentiss asked, chewing on the end of her pencil as she tried to wrap her head around it all.

“No,” Garcia pressed her lips together quickly. “But! Family number 5, they were murdered on Friday. Their crime scene is the newest, it’s where we’ll get the best idea of what’s going on.”

“Sir,” Mindy added. “If I’m correct about this, another family is going to die in 2 days. There’s been another small dog reported missing in Sacramento, the same type of family and everything. It’s a signature if I’ve ever seen one.”

“Send us everything you have, wheels up in 20,” Hotch sighed, taking his things and leaving the room.

“Is he okay?” Y/N asked Rossi.

Dave and he were the closest, Hotch never told his secrets of personal gossip to anyone else. He knew Rossi understood family problems the best. Having been married and divorced 3 times each.

“Don’t repeat this, Garcia that means you,” he teased her quickly. “He asked Hayley if she wanted more kids, after seeing you and JJ expanding the BAU’s gifted children program. She said she’d only have another baby if he took a few years off.”

“Oh,” Y/N wasn’t surprised. If Spencer wasn’t in the BAU he probably wouldn’t get it either. “He’s young, he can come back at any time, as you did.”

“Which is what I said to him. He just doesn’t know how he’d fill all the time yet, he doesn’t have an interest in fishing or cigars like moi,” Rossi explained. Standing up and straightening out his suit, “not to mention the writing chops to keep your brain fresh.”

“Come on grandpa, it’s time to board the plane you can brag later,” Derek patted him on the back. “Some of us like to stay active and have fun on our time off.”

“I’ll have you know I’m very fun,” Rossi argues as they leave the room. They were like a bunch of teenagers sometimes.

“Well, I’ll see you in a few days, just be in Vegas by Sunday at 2 pm,” Y/N frowned at Spencer. “Call me when you’re free?”

Spencer leaned in and kissed her softly. Rubbing his hand over her belly as he did so, saying goodbye to the little dude in there. “Be good, take care of each other.”

She smiled, wishing he didn’t have to go again. “We always do, come home to me safely boy wonder.”

In Penelope’s office, Mindy had basically moved in. It was big enough for the two of them and they worked together anyway. Sharing all the computer space, rolling around each other like crazy people as they switched jobs. That meant that Mindy’s office became Y/N’s office when she stayed back on a case.

Y/N would be 33 weeks pregnant as of Thursday, and officially Mrs. Dr. Reid by Sunday.

If everything went according to plan. This case seemed simple enough to get them home in time. If not, the flight from LA to Vegas wasn’t even that long. Y/N and Will had a plan if this was to happen, JJ and Spencer would head right to Vegas while Will and Henry flew in with Y/N. All she really needed was her wedding dress and hospital go-bag, and Spencer.

She wasn’t going to go into labour any time soon, Matty was still way too high and she was barely even having Braxton hicks contractions yet. If her body wasn’t practicing, surely it wouldn’t just start. She was a planner, she planned everything and this pregnancy didn’t seem to listen. All she wanted was for him to be born on or after June 10th, healthy and happy, that’s her only wish.

She hated cases like these, ones that made her sit behind a desk and just look at everything till it made sense. But it never did, not in her brain. Thinking like an unsub was the only time it made sense, but she never understood it. Kidnapping a dog just to kill a family was never going to be something one could just understand.

The only idea she had was to get someone inside the newest victims’ house and just wait for the unsub to return the dog. It would be the easiest way to bring him in for questioning. So she called Hotch.

“Hotchner,” he answered shortly.

“Hey, I was just wondering if you had a plan yet? If not, I’ve been thinking.”

“We’re trying to find a way to get eyes and ears inside the vics home,” Hotch explained, it sounded like he was driving and yelling over the speaker.

“I was thinking you could send in Reid or Morgan posing as a tutor or coach of some kind, then you can hide the equipment in the bag they bring in, it would be the least suspicious,” she ran her thoughts through to him.

“That would work, I’ll have the team see what we can do from our end,” Hotch ended the call abruptly. Still in the bad mood from when he left.

She couldn’t blame him, it’s a hard spot raising kids and having this job. Y/N and Spencer were still trying to figure out how they were going to pull it off. She couldn’t imagine what it was like for Haley, always being alone with Jack and half the time her life was in danger. The risk that came with the job almost didn’t feel worth it, especially when it meant losing your family on top of everything else.

They sent Derek in, with Penelope in his ear, as he set up the cameras and microphones. Setting up 24/7 patrol across the street in a model home. Meaning that Y/N’s job was basically over and all she had to do was kick her feet up and eat snacks until she could go home.

—

Spencer crawled into bed 2 days later around 4 in the morning, cuddling into her without even taking off his work clothes. She barely slept when Spencer wasn’t home, she opened her eyes when she noticed he was there, as if she hadn’t even slept yet.

He smelled like hotel soap and stale airplane air. “Hi,” he whispered as he tried to cuddle in close to her, being held back by her belly.

“Home just in time to have to fly out again,” she smiled at him softly.

“I know,” he sighed. “I doubt the bureau would like us if we used the jet to travel to a wedding. It’s bad enough we have one and no other unit does.”

“Are you excited or nervous?”

“Both.”

“Mmm,” she hummed along. “I’m nervous.”

“Why?”

“I still haven’t written my vows and,” she stopped herself, frowning a little as Spencer laid a hand on her face.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s all happening so fast. I feel like I haven’t had a chance to enjoy any of it and I’m worried if this is how fast the lead-up is, then how fast will the night be over?”

“Oh bunny,” he cooed. “I’ll make sure we get a moment alone, how about we sneak off during the party and go to the swing and just spend time together? Really make the most of our day.”

“Okay,” she smiled again. “A part of me wishes it was just us.”

“How about this,” Spencer said as he sat up, turning on the bedside lamp before getting out of bed. He looked through his underwear drawer and pulled out the box the rings were in. “Marry me, right now?”

“What?” She laughed.

“Just me and you, marry me?”

“It won’t count this way?” She rebutted, sitting up as well as she squinted in the light. Trying to wake up more.

“you’re not religious and you hate the government even though you work for them,” he reminded her. “Having a sheet of paper and dedicating my life to you are two completely different things.”

“I told you I don’t have my vows ready!”

Spencer sat on the bed, sitting directly across from her as he placed the rings on the bed. Taking both her hands in his as he looked into her eyes. “Just make it up?”

“You’re insufferable,” she teased him.

“And you love me,” he teased right back.

“Fine, Spencer Reid, you big fuckin’ dork,” she couldn’t stop herself from laughing. “My whole life I’ve just wanted to love you. I don’t know how I managed to pull it off, but here I am."

She let out a long, shaky breath as she continued. "You complete me, I don’t feel right when you’re not around and I never want to lose you. Marrying you means more to me than just becoming your wife, I don’t care about the term or the tax benefits," she laughed as a tear fell down her cheek. he wiped it away quickly.

"I was perfectly content just being in your rotation. Being your partner for life is a blessing to me, I’m going to love you forever.” She picked up and ring and put it on his finger.

His eyes were glossy as he watched her shaking hand slip the ring over him. He loved her more than he even knew how to describe at the moment.

“Do you remember that one time you asked me to show you how a real man loves a woman?”

She laughed, looking down at her gigantic belly. “Kinda hard to forget when I’m carrying around this extra 30 pounds.”

“It reminded me of a quote I read on a swing one time,” he said softly, watching her eyes gleam as she knew where he was going.

“The unqualified truth is, that when I loved Y/N with the love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistible. Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I love her nonetheless because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection.”

“What’s that from?” Y/N couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her cheeks, she had never known what book he was reading. She always wondered what his thoughts were in that moment when their eyes locked in remembrance all those years ago.

“Great Expectations by Charles Dickens,” Spencer replied, starting to cry as well.

That’s when she remembered it, looking over at the book that had been sitting on his bedside table for months. It was the book he re-read the most, the book he was reading that first night in Wichita when she asked to crawl into his bed. The book he put down before they conceived Matthew. The whole time she was falling in love with him, the way she did as a child, he was reading the same book because it reminded him of her.

“I didn’t expect that book to hold such a place in my heart the first time I read it. I only brought it to the park with me that day because it was the closest book to me, and I was having a really hard day,” he stopped to wipe his tears softly. “Yet somehow, every single bad day in my life has been made better by you. You’re my greatest expectation, and the only one I’m trying the hardest to live up to.”

“I love you,” she replied to him softly. Holding his face in her hands now as she stared into his eyes, “you’re always going to be everything I’ve ever wanted and all I’ll ever need. You’ve met every expectation, and beyond.”

“I love you,” he smiled. He took her left hand off his cheek, sliding the silver band over her ring finger, pressing it snugly against her engagement ring. “forever.”

“And then some,” Y/N added before kissing him softly.

She smiled against his lips, sitting back and looking at him with complete wonder. “Dr. Y/L/N,” she teased him, pretending to tip her imaginary hat.

“Agent Reid,” he copied her causing them both to laugh again.

“So when is our real anniversary then?” Y/N asked softly, trying to remember what day of the month it was.

“It’s April 20th.”

“Our anniversary cannot be 4/20!” She panicked. “Oh. My god!”

Spencer laughed from down deep in his gut, laying down against the sheets as she smacked his arm lightly. “I’m serious, but that’s so funny though,” she laughed too.

She laid back against the sheets then, Spencer cuddled into her side. His face in the crook of her neck while laying a leg over hers. She held him as close as she could, Matthew really starting to get in the way of everything she did now.

She let out a deep breath as she settled with Spencer against her. “I love you so much, my husband.”

“I love you more, my wife,” he replied. The words sounding like heaven on his lips.

chapter 26

She let out a deep breath when the dress actually zipped up. She was so worried that in the last 2 weeks her body had completely changed. JJ finished with her zipper, fluffing her dress and making sure everything was in place.

Her mom was wiping her tears for the 4th time in the last hour, Y/N couldn’t stop laughing every time she heard her sniffle. It didn’t feel as life-changing as her mother made it seem, Spencer and Y/N were already married in her opinion, this was just a nice formality for their parents.

She could hear all the people talking in her parent’s yard, a few kids yelling as they ran around each other. People were already drinking, there was food and snacks all around. It was just a big party where they were going to tell everyone exactly how much they loved each other.

As much as she was ready mentally, her body was shot. The butterflies in her stomach wouldn’t leave, the baby was kicking from the anxiety in her body no matter how hard she tried to calm down. It was nerve-wracking to be so open in front of so many people.

It was even worse with the fact she hadn’t seen Spencer since yesterday. As much as he claimed he wasn’t superstitious, he really didn’t want to see her before the wedding. Claiming his mother was the worried one, Y/N let it slide no matter how much she hated sleeping in her childhood bed all by herself with a mini-gymnast in her stomach.

“Are you ready?” JJ asked her softly.

She nodded, looking in the mirror at herself one last time. “Can I have a minute?”

“Sure,” JJ smiled, taking Debbie with her as they walked out of her room.

She stood in the window, opening the blinds and looking out towards the swings once again. Spencer was sitting there, swinging while staring at her window.

She smiled, feeling the butterflies leave her system in a beautiful flurry as their eyes locked. She was ready, she had always been ready to marry him.

She walked out of the room and down the stairs, holding the railing carefully. She was just wearing a pair of crocs under her dress, not trusting her big clumsy ass with heels.

She waited in the foyer as Emily walked across the street to gather everyone. She was officiating for them, Spencer wanted her to be the one to marry them, she was the closest thing to a sister he had.

Every single important person in their lives was in the crowd. Even Spencers father was there, in the back, quiet. Diana was happy to see him, Spencer felt indifferent. Gideon came too, which made it a little easier.

They all walked across the street then, gathering at the end of the makeshift aisle they laid out in the park. Penelope played a simple wedding march, starting the ceremony officially.

Everyone stood, turning towards them. Chloe went down first, dropping flower petals in big clumps here and there before running towards her mom. Then it was Y/N’s turn, opting out of the whole bridesmaid’s thing for the sake of not having to pick and choose between her co-workers and sisters-in-law.

Her dad extended an arm for her, she took it as she softly smiled at him. He looked like he was trying not to cry, “ready?”

“Let’s go,” she whispered.

Seeing Spencer at the end of the aisle was like a dream. She began to walk towards him, every step closer made her heartbeat louder and louder in her chest. Before she knew it she was standing in front of him, her dad giving her a soft kiss on the cheek before handing her over to Spencer.

The idea of giving her away was weird. He wasn’t giving her to him, he was simply helping her reach him. And he always had been.

Spencer’s hand was soft in hers and they stepped towards Emily together.

The music stopped then, causing them to turn to each other and smile. It was time.

It felt more like time stopped, however, getting a sort of tunnel vision for each other as the rest of the world faded away.

“Welcome everyone, you can take a seat,” Emily cut into the moment. “A few weeks ago Spencer asked me if I’d marry him off to his best friend, I of course said yes because who can say no to that face?”

Everyone laughed as Spencer blushed. “Spencer is the smartest man to work in the FBI, we’re not afraid to admit that. From the day I met him, he was nothing but informative and kind, as well as shy and personal. It took a while to learn anything about him, but once you get to know him he’s like an open book. And it’s a good story.”

“Like most good fairy tales, it’s a story told in two parts. Starting with a meet-cute of cosmic proportions, a plotline that would make any other ’right for each other at the wrong time,’ story run for the hills,” Emily exaggerated.

“And finally, a reunion,” her voice was soft then. “I’ll never forget the day Spencer held the door open for Y/N, she walked in with a smile on her face that was almost as big as Spencers. He introduced us to a childhood friend that day, not realizing she would become part of our family.”

Y/N felt herself getting a little choked up, seeing Penelope and JJ wiping their tears just off to the side.

“It’s a story best told in the first person,” Emily laughed at her own joke. “So, without further ado, ladies first,” she instructed, stepping away from the altar to keep the focus on them.

“Well?” Y/N shook her head at him, motioning with her hand for him to start speaking. Making everyone laugh once again. Spencer’s smile was adorable as he giggled.

“Would you say— hypothetically, of course, that soulmates are real, Doctor Reid?” She questioned him softly.

He nodded, “I would.”

“Good,” she smiled. “Because I think you’re mine. And I think I’ve known that for a very long time. There was something about you, that first day I saw you. You weren’t shoving dirt up your nose or pulling on my hair. You were reading a book, I believe it was Matilda, you were all by yourself and you looked sad.”

“Me, being me,” she laughed to herself, “I marched over to you and I asked if you wanted to play in the sandbox with me. One small gesture changed the entire course of my life, you became a friend and then a stranger again in the blink of an eye. I know what it’s like to know of you and not be in your presence and it’s the worst.”

She didn’t want to cry, but she knew she was about to. “I know you’re my soulmate because my soul physically aches when you’re not around. Like magnets, I’m pulled towards you and I’m willing to crush anything that gets in the way. You and I were once the same cosmic rock just floating through space, separated for millions of years until the time was right.”

“I found you right when I needed you,” she wiped a tear off her cheek quickly. “When we needed each other. And I’m never going to let you go.”

She turned towards Emily, grabbing a ring from her. “With this ring, you’re tied to me for eternity now, the way things always should have been.”

“I love you,” Spencer whispered, wiping his own tears before holding her hands again.

“Your turn, pretty boy,” she teased him one last time, laughing to try and stop the tears.

“Most of you know the story,” Spencer began his speech. Staring into Y/N’s eyes, trying to forget there was an audience.

“We met in kindergarten, she was wearing a sundress with green and pink flowers, much like today. You had bangs back then and a cute pink bow in your hair. And you were as stubborn then as you are now,” he smiled. “Mrs. Richardson had told me twice that we weren’t allowed to put water in the sandbox, no matter how important it was to the construction of my model pyramids. That’s why I was reading my book. You went to your backpack, grabbed a water bottle, and poured it right into the sand without thinking twice about the consequences.

“I didn’t really see you again until I was 13, I sat on that swing with my copy of Great Expectations by Charles Dickens while you sat in your window way up there.” He pointed at her house, past the swing set. “I’ll never know what you were reading or what you were thinking, but I have the exact moment I saw you ingrained in my memory,” Spencer’s words were soft as his thumbs ran over her hands.

“Out of my thoughts! You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since – on the river, on the sails of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets.” Spencer recited from memory.

“You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made, are not more real, or more impossible to displace with your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. Y/N, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in this separation I associate you only with the good, and I will faithfully hold you to that always, for you must have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you,” Spencer’s voice trailed off to a whisper as he reached the end.

“I read that quote moments before seeing you again, and part of me knew the universe had greater plans for us. And I knew, Love her, love her, love her! If she favours you, love her. If she wounds you, love her. If she tears your heart to pieces – and as it gets older and stronger, it will tear deeper – love her, love her, love her!”

“With this ring,” Spencer finally added. Lifting the last ring from Derek’s extended hand, placing it on Y/N’s ring finger where it belonged. “I vow to love you till my very last moments, and if heaven is real I’ll be waiting for your loving embrace.”

She wiped her tears quickly, looking up as she tried to stop her mascara from smudging. “You’re a dick sometimes,” she started to laugh before hearing the crowd do the same.

“You love me,” he teased her.

“I do,” she smiled, pulling him in and kissing him hard on the lips. Getting lost in his embrace as the world around them stopped.

—

Having every single person that she loved mingle around her parent’s backyard felt a little surreal. Her father and Rossi were smoking cigars together on the desk, Levi and Will were discussing training stories while Chloe and Henry chased each other around the yard.

Emily and Noelle were slowly dancing in their own little world to the music that played, not too far from Haley and Arron who had the same idea. Jack was talking to Derek, sharing stories about their favourite superhero.

Diana and Debbie were going around making sure everyone had a drink or a snack, discussing their children and showing off to everyone that was there. It was a lot to take in, but she wouldn’t change it for the world. This was the most perfect little wedding she could have ever asked for.

Spencer never left her side, holding her hand where ever she went for the majority of the night. Knowing she hated being the centre of anyone else attention, calming her down from all the eyes that were on her.

“Do you want to go to the swing?” He whispered in her ear when they were finally alone.

“Please,” she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Wanting to just be alone with him for a while.

She snuck out of the yard and across the street, Y/N sat down on the swing for the first time in years, her big belly thanking her for the relief. Spencer pushed her lightly on the swing, helping her swing in the late-night spring breeze in rural Nevada.

The light in her bedroom was still on, illuminating the empty room she called hers for the majority of her life. Still unable to process the fact that she did it, she married Spencer. She made a life in his orbit, she was happy and loved and making a family with the man of her dreams.

This was the best revenge she could have ever gotten on any childhood bully or predator in her life. Pure happiness, that no one could take from her. Knowing she did this on her own, meeting Spencer out of the blue and building a life of joy and peace was so unbelievably wonderful.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about,” Spencer asked softly as he continued to push her on the swing.

“I’m just amazed that I did it,” she said softly.

“Did what?”

“all this,” she waved her arm out in front of her. “I grew up, I made friends and a family and found the love of my life even after believing for so long that I never would.”

“the universe had better plans for you than you thought,” She could hear the smile on Spencer’s face as he spoke. “You’re so deserving of the world and then some, you’re worth the universe to me. Brighter than any star in the sky, more powerful than the big-bang.”

She dragged her feet along the sand, stopping the swing abruptly before turning around to see Spencer. His eyes glistened in the moonlight or the streetlight. Either way, his brown eyes were glowing as she looked up at him softly.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“For what?”

She wrapped her arms around him as best as she could, pressing her cheek against his chest softly. “For showing me that love is real.”

“Being able to love you has been the best part of my life.”

She pulled him into another kiss, holding his face softly as she peppered kisses to his lips over and over. “You get me forever.”

“And then some.”

“Hypothetically,” she teased him lightly. “Anything is possible when the two of us get together.”

“I love you,” was all he could say before kissing her again.

They could hear the music travelling across the street for the yard, she wrapped her arms around him and swayed to the beat. Taking a moment completely alone with him to just appreciate him. To hold him close, hear his heartbeat through his suit jacket and just take it all in.

The rest of her life started at that moment, the birth of a new future. One with endless possibilities, endless happiness, and the most love in the whole world.

Soulmates, 500 years in the making.

Placing 500 more years of possibilities in the hands of Fate, who cradled them in her loving embrace. Making a future for them unlike any she’s made before.

Epilogue

2020

The birds chirping used to make her wake up with a smile, now it made her panic a little. She was so overly used to being woken up to a baby crying, a kid with a tummy ache, or the sound of fighting coming from the cribs in the twin’s room.

When it was quiet she worried, opening her eyes and looking around to see all 4 of her children cuddled up around her and Spencer. Completely asleep, and absolutely adorable.

Matthews’s face was beside hers on the pillow. His long hair falling over his face, just like his fathers used to all those years ago. She kissed her baby on the forehead, unable to fully understand that he was 10 now.

The twins were in the middle, Harper and Derek were attached at the hip all day long. Sleeping basically on top of each other, it was the only way they were peaceful. Since being squished together in the womb, they’ve become best friends and each other’s comfort person over the last 6 years.

Alice on the other hand was a daddy’s girl. Probably because she got the most time with him, 2 and a half years’ worth of all Spencer’s love and affection.

Spencer had quit the BAU when they got pregnant with their last baby, deciding he wanted to be with his kids full time. He wanted to be more present, to make more memories and just be a good dad.

Every morning Alice would find her way into the bed, she’d do whatever it took to get between Y/N and Spencer, cuddling into her father’s arms and going back to sleep. Almost every time, she would push her mom’s arms away, waking Y/N up in the process just to smirk at her as if to say; “haha my turn.”

She loved her little family. And they loved her too, she had been out of town for a week on a really bad case that required all hands on deck. They called her every day, begging her to come home soon, breaking her heart. So it wasn’t a surprise to see all of them snuggled in, taking in all the time with her that they could.

Matthews’s eyes fluttered as he woke up, his big beautiful brown eyes looking at her softly. “Mom,” he said softly with a smile before wrapping his arms around her neck and snuggling into her. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, Mr. Magoo,” she whispered into his hair, holding him close. He still smelled like her little baby, only bigger as he rested against her.

“Are we still going to Uncle Dave’s tonight?” He asked as he settled against her, wanting her to run her fingers through his hair. It calmed him as it did for Spencer, soothing his mind as it ran a million miles a minute.

“I think so,” she replied, picking him up softly and laying on her back more. “I think all your cousins are going to be there too.”

“Even Jack?” He asked, sitting up with wonder in his eyes. Jack was 15 now, and just the coolest dude in Matthews’s life. Much like how Spencer looked up to Hotch in the beginning.

“Even Jack!” She whispered with enthusiasm, trying to keep the others asleep but it was too late.

“Mommy!” Harper cried, pushing Derek away from her as she leaped into her mother’s arms.

“Hi sweetheart,” she couldn’t stop herself from laughing as she got smothered in hugs from the twins.

Spencer looked over at her then. Alice was snuggled into his neck, one hand on his shoulder, the other in his hair. She had always played with his hair every chance she could get. Especially whenever he held her or gave her a ride on his shoulders as they walked through the park.

“Hi,” Spencer smiled.

There he was, the love of her life. His smile made her feel at home, the love between them only growing every morning when they laid eyes on each other.

“Are you going to say hi to mommy?” Spencer asked Alice, rubbing her back softly.

She raised her hand to wave softly before dropping it back onto Spencer’s head with a smack, “ow?” He laughed lightly, making her bounce on his chest and laugh in response.

She was always quiet in the morning, leaving all the talking to her siblings. She was the calmest of them all, she was also the easiest of the 4 of them. She didn’t cry unless she was desperate for food or attention, she slept through the nights and was just all around not fussy at all. A literal blessing to their lives.

The twins were a lot, they knew they would be. She doesn’t miss the days and nights of them taking turns screaming. And she definitely doesn’t miss the ache of her body as two babies sucked her dry for almost 6 months. Breastfeeding kicked her ass the most, eventually making her lose too much weight and faint from low blood pressure, it sucked.

The outcome was beyond worth it. Derek and Harper were the craziest, funniest, loudest 6-year-olds in the whole world. If they weren’t writing a show, pretending to direct a spooky movie or pulling pranks on their father, they were planning to.

They had a specific dynamic, Harper was the planner and Derek was the do-er. Harper would come up with the sneakiest, worst ideas a child could have and somehow always managed to convince Derek to do it for her. A modern-day Jekyll and Hyde terrorized her home.

But Matthew, He was the sweetest. Being a single child till the age of 4 meant he was around Spencer and Y/N all the time, just the three of them. He’s shy but outgoing, he speaks his mind and he isn’t afraid to share his thoughts and feelings. He’s the best part of both of them but with all the confidence to follow his dreams. He was handsome and smart, he was sweet and kind, he was her baby. Forever and always, no matter how big he got.

He’s smart like Spencer, but not jumping through elementary school as fast. They agreed to let him decide when he turned 14. He deserved the chance to grow up with his own age group, to make friends and memories that were good and happy, to build the confidence to stand up for himself and others before he finished school. He didn’t mind it, he enjoyed helping other students when he finished his work early and asking for extra credit assignments.

And he liked being in class with Roz LaMontagne. They were smitten with each other from day one, always holding hands and playing nicely. JJ and Y/N always felt bad peeling them apart from each other at the end of a playdate, they were best friends.

It was like Roz had 2 older brothers with Henry and Matt, the 3 of them being so close in age they were often mistaken for triplets, with JJ and Y/N being their lesbian moms. It was a ruse that came in handy when they saw men checking them out, or when they wanted a family discount at the zoo.

Her life felt perfect, it was far from it in reality but she was happy with that. She worked long hours, her kids missed her every day, she didn’t see Spencer as often as she’d like and she was always tired. But that was what it took, she would work herself to the bone in an instant if it meant that she could come home and be snuggled like this every time.

“How was your week?” She asked Harper, brushing her strawberry blond hair behind her ear as she cuddled into her other side. Now having 3 children laying on top of her.

“Dad took us to the air and space museum,” Derek answered for her.

“No way!” Y/N enthused. “You need to tell me everything you learned!”

“The Museum is the largest of the Smithsonian's 19 museums and its Center for Earth and Planetary studies is one of the Institution's nine research centres. More than eight million people a year visit the Museum's two locations, making it one of the most visited museums in the country,” Matthew explained, remembering the sign at the entrance from memory.

“Wow, what was everyone’s favourite part? Maybe we can go again soon and you can all show me?” She suggested, riling them all up till they were bouncing on the mattress and screaming suggestions back and forth.

“Okay, okay,” Y/N settled them down. Watching them all sit-down and smile as they tried to stop laugh and listen. “Why don’t we go get breakfast and spend the morning together before we get ready to go to Aunt Penny’s party tonight okay?”

“I thought it was Uncle Dave's party?” Derek asked.

“It’s at his house but you know how aunt penny plans,” Y/N smiled at him. “How about you all go get dressed and pick something nice to wear while I talk to your dad for a bit?”

“Anything I want to wear?” Harper questioned her, very serious.

Y/N laughed, shaking her head, “something nice, but yes your choice.”

“Yes!” Harper screamed, hopping off the bed making the whole room shake as she ran down the hall. The sound of her bare feet slapping the hardwood carrying through the hallway in an echo.

“Matty, I’ll dress Alice, can you just watch her for a minute?” Spencer asked as he placed Alice in the middle of the bed.

“Sure,” Matthew smiled. “Come on Ali, I’ll read you a book?”

She put her arms out for her brother to carry her, and soon enough it was just Spencer and Y/N all alone again. Spencer and her both falling back against the pillows and sighing in the quiet.

Spencer pulled her into a hug, wrapping himself around her as he kissed her cheek, “I missed you so much, I hate when you’re gone.”

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you,” she said softly. “I got a job offer last night, and I think I’m going to take it.”

“What is it?”

“VICAP and the BAU are merging, even more, I’ve been asked to be the Chief of VICAP to personally overview the program and pass the information along to Prentiss,” She explained. “It would be a 9-5 thing, 5 days a week. I’d be home for dinner and all weekend long. We could have another baby or go on vacation? You know the possibilities are endless.”

Spencer kissed her again, “you’d be able to help people and be home all the time.”

“Exactly,” she smiled into his embrace. “I told them I’d let them know later today, they want me to start next month.”

“Follow your gut,” Spencer whispered, happy at the decision she was making either way.

“My gut is currently saying ‘feeeeed meeee’, so let’s get going!” She cheered as she tried to escape from his embrace.

He just held on tighter, tickling her stomach and kissing her neck, “help!” She cried, joking obviously and the kids knew that. Sure enough, 4 pairs of feet came running back into their room, dog piling them.

“I said help! Not suffocate me?!” She teased them as Spencer let her go, each taking a child and tickling them instead. Everyone was screaming again, giggling from deep in their stomach, feeling sick from how happy they were.

She loved every moment of it.

—

After 10 years, the BAU had gone through a lot of changes. Everyone seemed to come and go at least once, some leaving for good when their families started. But there were a lot of new faces now, once someone was on the team they were family.

It was a rare occasion for everyone to get together, especially now that almost everyone had kids. Spencer and Y/N went from being the 2nd set of parents to aunty and uncle to 8 kids in 10 years.

That meant that there were currently 12 screaming kids terrorizing Rossi’s beautiful backyard as the adults sat around the fire. “Please tell me no one here has a baby announcement to make, I don’t think I can handle a thirteenth,” Rossi complained, grey hair making him look more like papa Rossi than uncle Dave now.

“No,” everyone said in unison, laughing at the abundantly clear meaning. They were all too tired to do it all again.

“Like Spencer’s mom said, why have another when you can stop at perfection?” Emily joked as she leaned into Noelle’s embrace. “PJ is the best little guy in the world.”

“Spencer makes some great kids,” Y/N laughed. Remembering that time Emily nervously asked them if Spencer would be the donor for her child. Wanting her kid to be born with the best DNA she could think of.

“That he does,” Noelle smiled, looking into the yard to see PJ, Michael and Hank roughhousing like they always were.

They all had kids fairly close together, always making sure each new member of the BAU's gifted children program had friends who were more like family in their lives. Their small chosen family expanded not only in size but with the amount of love they shared for each other.

Henry was 12 now, Jack 15. They had always gotten along well together, being a little more on the nerdy side. They welcomed Matthew into their little group with open arms, as well as Roz.

Hotch ended up becoming Section Chief, taking a desk job so that he could spend more time with his family. They welcomed Jessie 6 years ago, right around the time Y/N had the twins. She was a spitting image of Haley with all the stern seriousness of Hotch. Seeing her and Harper try and work together was always funny. Harper and Derek were always trying to start shit somewhere, while Jessie ran to Y/N to tattle on them. It was the funniest dynamic out of all the age groups, and it was only going to get worse as they grew up.

“I don’t know,” Y/N sighed, looking at her kids as they all smiled and laughed. The joy they brought her was unimaginable, “I think 5 would be interesting.”

“You’re a psycho, and I should know, I’m an expert,” JJ just shook her head, blinking at the craziness. “I can barely handle 3.”

“Alice was so easy though,” she whined. “All of them were good, I miss having a baby who wanted to cuddle with me. It’s not fair Spencer gets all the attention now.”

“You could always quit, they’d love that,” he teased her softly, not wanting to wake Alice as she slept on him, tired from playing with everyone during the afternoon.

“My new position is going to be better for us,��� she smirked.

“What position?” Penelope yelled at her.

“I’m going to be the VICAP unit chief,” she smiled, watching them all light up as they congratulated her. Starling the sleeping Alice on Spencer’s chest.

“I think I’ve done enough fieldwork, I’d like to cook more dinners and read more bedtime stories now,” she smiled. “I never thought I’d say that.”

“I don’t think any of us did,” Haley added. “I never expected Aaron to slow down, but when he did I think it was the best thing he chose to do. Jack and Jessie love having him around all the time.”

“To 10 plus years on the job, 10 years of friendship and the 12 new lives we brought into this world,” Y/N said as she lifted her can of ginger-ale, everyone following with their own drinks.

“To family,” Prentiss added.

“To family,” they all repeated.

Taking a sip before smiling at each other, everything ended up okay. It was more than they ever expected, and everything they hoped for.

—

The kids all fell asleep on the ride home. Spencer and Y/N each taking one of the twins upstairs first, placing them in their beds softly before returning to the garage for the others. Finding Matthew trying to carefully bring Alice inside to help his parents.

“Hey Matty it’s okay,” Spencer whispered, placing a hand on his back. “you go inside with your mom and I’ll take care of this.”

“Okay,” he replied, extremely tired as his eyelids drooped.

Y/N wrapped her arm around his shoulders, he was almost as tall as her already and she wasn’t ready for that. “Come on my baby,” she whispered as she led him into the house and up the stairs.

She helped him change into a pair of pyjamas before helping him into his bed, covering him in his adorable planet-covered sheets. She tucked him in nice a snug before sitting on the edge, looking down at him as he closed his eyes and settled in.

She brushed his brown curls off his face, making way for the kiss she was about to leave on his forehead. “Goodnight my Matty Magoo, I love you to the moon and back.”

“I love you to the edge of the milky way,” he replied with a small smile. “I’m excited for you to be home more. Dad worries about you and it makes him sad, I like seeing you both happy together.” He rambled all his thoughts out at night just like Spencer did.

She kissed his head softly, holding his cheeks in her hand as she looked into his beautiful brown eyes. “You are so sweet, have a good sleep and I will see you tomorrow. I love you.” She told him again, and she’d tell him a million more times if she could.

“I love you, too, mom,” he smiled one last time before closing his eyes.

She shut off his lamp, closing his door on the way out.

She stood in the hallway then, a hand on her heart as she thought about just how much she loved him. JJ wasn’t kidding when she said you grow a love so big you’d kill for them.

Back in the twin’s room, she made sure they were comfortable for the night, taking Harper out of the crazy dress and pants she picked out for the day. Tucking both of them into their little beds, kissing their heads before turning on their nightlight. They didn’t like the dark, and they liked to keep their door open a little so buddy could sneak in.

In her own room, she found Spencer in bed, shirtless with a book. He got sexier as he got older, it was impossible and yet it happened. Every year he looked different, in a wonderful way.

His hair was fluffy, his tummy was fuller— a dad bod as Penelope would call it. He wore glasses all the time now, having a hard time reading without them. It made him incredibly hot.

She changed into a cute pyjama set, satin shorts and a spaghetti strap top, wanting to get his attention away from whatever book he found this time.

She could feel his eyes on her as she changed, not wanting to look at him and make him stop.

He put his book down when she got in beside him, still on the right side after all these years. “What?” She asked him as he kept staring at her.

“Were you serious?”

“Yes I do think you’re sexy, I didn’t think you could read minds too?” She teased him.

“Funny,” he smiled at her. “Do you want another baby?”

She shrugged, “we could Russian roulette this and just see if it happens?”

“Seriously?” His voice dropped, softer than normal. “Because I would have 16 more kids with you if you wanted. They’re all so amazing, every time.”

“I know,” she felt her heart melt. “Matthew said you get sad when I’m not here, he worries for you.”

“All week, Harper wore her regular outfits because she likes making you laugh with her silly ones,” Spencer told her. They liked to share secrets about their kids at night. Basically profiling them.

“I love them,” her heart felt like it was going to burst.

“Come here,” Spencer requested, waiting for her to sit on his hips and look down into his eyes like she always did. She brushed the hair off his face, holding his cheeks in her hands.

His eyes are so much like Matthews, but it was Alice who looked the most like him. She had his nose, his chin, she was tall and skinny and just the most adorable copy of him. Every feature on him was in one of their kids, he saw the same thing in her.

“Are you sure?” She asked him softly.

“The only thing in the whole world that I know for certain is that I love you and this family. Even gravity is simply a hypothetical, but you and me… I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” his words soft and his expression softer.

She kissed him, pressing her lips against his for the first time in a while. It always felt like coming home, this was where she was meant to be.

When she pulled back all she wanted to do was look at him for a minute, to imagine what new little face the two of them could make together. All 4 of their children were so perfect, she couldn’t imagine a 5th possibility.

“Put a baby in me,” She whispered.

She didn’t have to tell him twice, he reached over to the night table to turn off the light before kissing her neck softly. His big, warm hands wrapped around her back, pulling her in closer to him.

He was so much different now from the first time they did this. Confident, stronger, older, but he was still her soft boy. He held her with care, kissed her like she was made out of glass. The contrast of his actions and the feeling of his rough hands on her body made her feel like she was on fire.

He pushed the straps of her shirt off her shoulders, dipping her back a little so he could kiss her cheek. He pushed her shirt down, freeing one of her breasts, holding it softly in his hands before kissing the newly exposed skin.

His tongue swiped across her nipple, making her gasp and grip his arm as she rutted into the feeling. He cradled her head in his hands, laying her back with her head now at the foot of the bed.

Still, between her legs, he pulled the satin shorts down slowly to see she never wore any underwear under them. He smirked, running his finger softly over her vagina, watching in awe as she spread her legs wider for him.

She could see how hard he was, his erection making a tent in his boxers as he teased her softly. “Still so perfect,” he praised her. “Look how tight you are, sucking my finger inside that tight heat.”

She tightened around him on purpose then, feeling his finger slip in even more. “Fuck,” he gasped. Moving down more to place a kiss on her clit.

Her breathing picked up then, even after 11 years of sex with this man, the thought of his tongue on her still made her shiver. He was just that good, always getting better every time he dove face-first into her.

Her back arched the second his tongue connected with her clit. Pushing herself into his tongue more and more as he explored her. Two fingers were inside of her now, Spencer’s mouth kissing and sucking and licking every single inch of her pussy as she quietly gasped into the darkness.

She wanted to scream for more, she always did, but she couldn’t anymore. There were 4 sets of ears just down the hall trying to have a peaceful night’s sleep, she had to remind herself of that every time.

“Fuck, Spencer,” she whispered, biting her lip so nothing else slipped out.

“What?” He whispered against her skin, kissing her groin and lower tummy.

“Please,” she begged softly, sitting up and climbing onto his lap once more. “Daddy?”

It had been years since she said that to him, not able to utter the words once he actually became a father. It lit a fire in him, pulling her in closer before he ripped the shirt off her body.

He held her against him, kissing her neck as he basically growled at the feeling. Becoming almost feral with the thought of fucking her. She was in love with the feeling, when he got rough with her it was the best.

She enjoyed every second of it, knowing she’d wake up in the morning with beard burn on her neck and between her thighs, not giving a single fuck. It was so worth it, the tickle of his facial hair on her skin beside his mouth, she craved it.

“I need you out of those boxers, sir,” she panted, holding his hair as he continued to kiss her neck.

He pulled off her, looking at her in the darkness with lust-filled eyes. “Lay back,” he instructed her.

She always listened, laying back against the pillows as he freed himself from the confines of his underwear. Crawling on top of her and hovering slightly as he looked down at her. He brushed her hair off her face, kissing her lips lightly before smiling.

“Tell me again what you want?”

She smirked, “I want you to put a baby in me, fill me up. Let me make you a daddy again?”

The noise that left his throat was enough to make her clit twitch again, it was deep and guttural and beyond sexy. He became an animal on nights like this.

She spread her legs again, wrapping her knees around him as he pulled him in against her body. “Fuck me, Spencer.”

He lined himself up with her quickly, dragging the head of his cock through her folds a few times before he began to push in. Little by little, achingly slow. Teasing her, knowing just how badly she wanted him to pound into her.

“Yes,” she sighed as he bottomed out, dropping her head back against the pillow softly.

Her hands roamed his back, waiting for him to start to move again. Digging her nails in when he finally did, pulling out slowly before pushing back in with effort.

“Ah,” she moaned softly, covering her own mouth as he started to move faster.

“Shhh,” he reminded her, kissing her neck again as he found his rhythm.

“Shut up and fuck me then,” she sounded desperate. “Please,” she added. Not wanting him to stop out of spite.

“Shut up and take it,” he ordered, placing his own hand over her mouth as he fucked her harder.

She couldn’t believe it, he was holding one hand over her mouth while his other reached for her clit, making her jolt forward at the contact. It was everything she wanted, it was rough and powerful and just the best reminder that she belonged to him.

Spencer was hers, she was his, they created this entire world together. She felt so overwhelmed, she wasn’t aware that she was crying at the pleasure till Spencer moved his hand off her mouth to wipe off a tear.

“Keep going,” she encouraged him. “Please, please.”

“Shhh,” he soothed her, “I’m going to make you feel so good bunny, you’re going to be so full, so beautiful carrying another one of our babies.”

That did it for her, she tilted her head back as she arched her back. Pulling Spencer’s fingers into her mouth so that she wouldn’t moan too loud as she came on his cock.

Spencer shuttered at the feeling, fucking into her with vigour as he tried to hold in his own moans. Sounding more like a whimper when he finally came, spilling into her with the force of a Mack truck.

He dropped against her body then, breathing deep into her neck. She wrapped her legs around him tightly, holding him inside of her so nothing slipped out. “Fuck.”

“I love you,” Spencer breathed against her skin.

She ran her fingers through his hair softly before kissing his forehead. “I love you more.”

They stayed like that for a while, only pulling apart finally to get cleaned up. Spencer turned back on the light, helping her to the bathroom quietly before stripping the sheets off the bed.

She returned to a freshly made bed and a dressed Spencer waiting for her. She put her shorts and a t-shirt back on, slipping into bed and cuddling into him once more. Having to look presentable for when the kids eventually came running into their room at 7 am.

She sighed into his embrace, smiling softly against his skin. “What was that Buddha quote you told me all those years ago?”

“When you meet your soulmate, remember that the act to bring you together was 500 years in the making. So always appreciate and be kind to each other,” Spencer replied softly.

“Goodnight, Spence,” she kissed his jaw softly as she snuggled in closer.

“Goodnight, bunny.”

the end

[macandriley]

5x06 - A Very MacRiley Analysis

Obligatory post to answer the age-old question: What do you see in MacRiley?

I’d like to start this off by saying, like a lot of you, I had very minimal hopes for this episode. I really didn’t expect anything to happen on the MacRiley front—especially not something that would significantly impact that storyline. 

But...I do enjoy being wrong.

Full transparency: this is not an episode review. If it were, I’d have to talk about the glaring plot inconsistencies and strange timeline. And I feel like I’ve already talked myself hoarse over that. 

So, without further adieu, let’s get into the long-winded analysis. 

The Cold Open

Absolutely irrelevant to the overall story and to this analysis. I just really like the way Mac says, “Riley, take the wheel,” and I thought it deserved an honorable mention.

“2020 Is Gonna Be Awesome”

Here, we cut to quarantine shenanigans. It’s cute. Fun. To see Riley and Bozer interacting like siblings again after so long just felt right.

Now, this is the pandemic, so of course conversations of toilet paper shortages arise. So Mac, in true MacGyver fashion, throws out some fun alternatives like newspaper and pine needles. And Riley shoots them all down, as she should. 

Because in the immortal words of Desi in 5x04, “Ew.”

This is when Bozer mentions that they could use the cardboard from Riley’s moving boxes. A seemingly innocent suggestion on the surface. If you don’t pay much attention to it, it goes right by without any fuss. 

However, at this point in canon, here’s what we know:

Bozer knows about Riley’s feelings for Mac

Riley has verbally told him that the reason she’s moving out is because of MacDesi. (Though her exact reasoning might’ve been intentionally misleading on her part)

So what does this mean? Well, to put it simply, Bozer is encouraging her to embrace living with Mac. To unpack her bags and stick around a while. A suggestion that Riley seems to ignore, as she says she’s dead set on getting out of there the second the pandemic allows.

Of course, the second she mentions moving, Mac picks back up with his beautiful Fauci song. Could it be that Himbo Barbie doesn’t like talking about Riley leaving? That’s open for interpretation.

Bonus points: Mac (incorrectly) blames Riley for not doing the dishes and it’s just adorably domestic. 

Getting Fed

Again, this scene is insignificant. The OG trio sit down to dinner, with Desi and Matty on video chat. It’s cute. 

But there is definitely something to be said for the way Riley looked at Mac when he mentioned having a private chat with Desi. My heart really went out to her there, because it must seem to her like she’s constantly being overlooked. 

After dinner, Riley and Bozer share a brief conversation. She expresses a disinterest in discussing her feelings, and reaffirms her choice to move out.

But Bozer reminds her that she’s only moving out so she “doesn’t have to watch Mac and Desi together,” and that “At this moment, it doesn’t seem like they are.”

This scene is important for two reasons: 

Bozer is clearly more supportive of MacRiley, which makes him honorary ship captain (as far as I’m concerned). 

it reaffirms the fact that her feelings are still very real, no matter how hard the lady doth protest.

Kitchen Floor Confessional

You all know this one from promo. After a tense conversation with Bozer, Mac heads inside to do the dishes. Riley, being the helpful person she is, offers to lend a hand. 

One thing leads to another, and the two wind up sitting on the floor by the sink, side by side. Just talking. The conversation comes to an end when Riley, who looks as though she wants to say something else, decides against it. (This “something else”, of course, would have been her confession). 

Cue the somewhat longing, emotionally charged staring from both parties. 

At this point, Mac says he’s going to go for a jog and abruptly leaves Riley alone in the kitchen. It’s clear by the look on her face that she feels, in some way, rejected. And the viewer is, at least for now, left to ponder why Mac seemed to cut the moment off so strangely. 

Though one could hypothesize that, just like Riley’s being packed and ready to go, Mac’s running has a little more to do with the emotional distancing than physical. 

The Parking Lot

Here we see Mac run off to speak to Desi. A scene I will not discuss at length, because the idea of playing footsie makes me cringe in the deepest recesses of my soul.

A little ways away, Bozer asks Riley if she told Mac about her feelings. She tells him she didn’t and that she’s glad, because she doesn’t want to be the thing that comes between them and their “happiness” (happiness is in quotes here because it seems like “anger” and “annoyance” are more common for them).

The dialogue in and of itself is not what I want to focus on here though. It’s the way the scene is framed.

Outside of the close-up shots for MacDesi’s conversation, much of the camera angles are from Riley’s perspective. Distant. Detached. The standpoint of an outsider looking in—of a girl watching the man she cares about being happy with someone else. 

The camerawork here makes this more of a Riley-centric moment than a MacDesi one.

Which is important because, from a narrative standpoint, there is no reason to frame it that way unless her emotions are going to be focal later on. This entire exchange implies that, in some way, Riley’s feelings are, were, and will be important to the plot. 

Yay for directorial story telling. 

A Moment

What to say about this scene? 

Mac has a heart to heart with Bozer and promises to be more present in his life. Bozer thanks him and begs him to finally clean the damn kitchen.

And agreeing, Mac turns away to do just that. Only, he stops himself short and tells Bozer he has one more thing he’d like to discuss.

The quote went as follows: “Kay, so...in the kitchen here a couple nights ago with Riley, there was a, uh...I don’t know, a moment.”

As I’m sure every MacRiley knows, him acknowledging that scene as a legitimate moment between them was incredibly unexpected. They’ve arguably had “moments” before, but only Riley ever seemed to notice them. Mac never mentioned having feelings, or even seemed like he might be aware of them.

This scene is the first time we’ve ever had direct confirmation that he feels—at least, in some capacity—the same way. 

To make it even better, this scene happens directly after MacDesi’s footsie match in the parking lot. Which means that, even when he’s got positive momentum with Desi, he’s still got Riley on his mind. 

Side note: I personally think this explains his behavior in 5x03. He doesn’t see Riley reciprocating, and he’s probably incredibly worried about screwing up all their history—an issue he doesn’t have with Desi, since they didn’t have much of a friendship first. 

So he throws himself back into that in an attempt to smother his feelings. Will it work? Only time will tell.

Ending

After cleaning up the kitchen, Mac picks up the piece of glass he’d left on the floor and, surprise surprise, finally gets an idea for his ventilator. Some fans say this is Riley’s influence, which I can honestly see. 

Especially given the quote Mac says at the end:

“When the world feels like it’s so turned upside down that it’s impossible to fix, it helps to look at things from a different angle. Because no matter how broken something appears—whether its your grumpy neighbor, your terrified best friend, your estranged girlfriend, or a shard of glass—that broken thing could inspire something new...Maybe even something better than before.”

I believe this is a direct foreshadow to MacRiley. Somehow, his fractured relationship with Desi will make him see what he COULD have with Riley. This “new angle” might even help him see that he’s better off as friends with Desi (something new), and that he might be happier in a relationship with Riley (something better).

And if you still don’t buy that, well...the scene transition seems pretty damning. 

There was absolutely no reason the camera couldn’t have faded to Bozer. Or to a shot of all three of them. This feels incredibly intentional, no?

In Conclusion

“Codex Adrenaline” and “Quarantine Cabin Fever” are cop-outs. Riley still likes Mac. Mac now likes Riley. And we are 100% going to see more development on that front. So is this a win?

I think so.

But I wanna hear from y’all. What did you like about this episode? What did you hate? Do you feel like they’re leading up to something bigger for MacRiley?

I’d love to hear y’alls thoughts. 

[ftstorm]

My take on 5x10

Welp, that was a big one!

You know, before going into this episode I reminded myself this was the first episode of a new era, the first episode completely made by the new team.

So with that in mind my expectations were "Okay, let's see what they've got."

And oh boy did they surprise me.

DISCLAIMER: this text post is long af, not kidding.

1. THE INTRO SCENE.

You guys have no idea how glad I am that we got Mac doing a usual MacGyvering in his house. It's been ages since they implemented this format of showing his dynamics outside Phoenix and around his house.

I wasn't worried about the proposal thing at all. Guys, you have to accept that MacRiley was always going to happen after that 4x04 episode.

There was also the fact that this was the intro scene (usually the most important plot issues happen in the outro scene), Bozer's weird reaction and the melancholic audio cue.

If that proposal was happening, they would've made it more uplifting.

(I gotta say that watching Monica Marcer and the official MacGyver account making damage control in Twitter 3mins into the episode was a funny experience)

So my initial questions about Mac wanting to propose were: "what are his motivations?" and "how is this not going to work out by the end of the episode?"

The second question we got the answer later on. The first question remains unanswered. If we take on Mac's words, he says:

Mac: Unexpected, I know, I know. But that's why I like about it. You know ever since I lost my dad and Jack I've been thinking about the bigger picture. A commitment to make things work it's exactly what Desi and I need. A grand romantic gesture. *cue melancholic music*

Here we're presented with a bunch of things worth analysing, in my opinion.

He's trying to see the "bigger picture" which, for me, it means he's trying to tackle down different issues from his life with one specific, efficient action [the proposal]. Those issues being:

> his current romantic relationship: make is aware they have an inconsistent relationship > his performance at work: he needs balance between his personal affairs and his work, which is based on saving the world in a daily basis and for that he needs to be focused. > dealing with his past losses: to my understanding, saying "ever isn I lost my dad and Jac I've been thinking about the bigger picture" means that he doesn't want hopelessness to take over him, he wants to keep on moving and being proactive about his life.

So... you have to understand that in some sort of way, this proposal thing is a signal that Mac is healing. In some sort of way, if you were in Mac's shoes you would see that it was a positive thing for him. A step forward.

The thing is, we [the audience] have an extended understanding of the situation and we know that an engagement would be an incredibly rushed decision.

As well as it is that Mac's trying to move forward, he obviously hasn't been able to pinpoint the true issue behind his relationship with Desi. He isn't wrong about them lacking in the commitment department, but forcing the relationship to scalate isn't the right move. He should be asking himself: "Why are we avoiding commitment?"

And that's when he'd find out that they have very deep and important trust and communication issues.

~~~~

2. Moving on. MURDOC.

Russ: I can process it more efficiently by having it all spread out ahead me, you know. I reckon see the bigger picture at once.

This is when I realized that the episode was centered on this whole "bigger picture" idea. Russ struggles to see the full picture until the very end and Mac finds out that he hasn't been seeing the full picture of his life at all by the end of the episode.

Fast forward, the team's in Mexico, Riley knows about the ring already and she has already had the talk with Bozer in which she refers to her feelings for Mac in a past tense.

Then Murdoc appears.

And as if the episode wasn't already a rollercoaster after Mac's reveal, now Murdoc shows up to put everything upside down.

First I gotta say, man Dastmalchian is SUCH A GOOD MURDOC. Excellent actor. The way he delivers his lines, his facial expressions, all of it make an original and very entertaining Murdoc.

He always gives me such a Andrew Scott's Moriarty vibes and I love it.

Secondly, his dynamic with Andrews: *cheff kiss*

I loved how Andrews was so over Murdoc's theatrics, to the point his facial expression screamed "Why did I even reclute this guy" LOL.

Back to the story.

This is something I was hoping it wouldn't happen but at the same time I don't see another way it could've happened which is the explanation behind Murdoc's escape and how Phoenix didn't know about it.

Because what they told us is that the FBI didn't let them in on Murdoc's escape, right? Does that imply that the FBI has a corrupt agent in charge? Does it imply that the order of not letting Phoenix in came from above? Maybe someone with higher clearence than Matty? A politician? Governement conspiracy?

It smells like plot hole, tbh. I feel like the Murdoc's escape is a classic "it is what it is". We'll see if they come back to this in later episodes.

~~~~

3. BIG SECRET REVEAL 1.

By now we're at the point of the rollercoaster where you're going up and up and up. Your tension building more and more as you're getting close to the drop.

Bozer and Riley's audio was the drop.

You know, during this scene I jumped from my seat, closed my eyes, cringed, squealed, my heart accelarated, forgot how to breathe...

As a person who is a little bit bipolar when it comes to romance (I can be very shy about it or very outspoken about it) that scene made me SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

Imagine having your feelings exposed not only to the person you have feelings for but also his girlfriend who happens to be your friend, your boss and the criminal that's threatening to kill hundreds of people.

I was like: "Not like this!!"

And Mac's reaction didn't help because of the lack of it. I don't know what I expected but his slightly monotone reaction broke my heart.

Thankfully, I've recovered since then and I don't mind that it happened that way.

Still, imagine how suffocating it must've been for Riley. That idea was what made me so uncomfortable and I think that's what they were going for. They wanted to make it as straightforward and awkward as possible.

But it doesn't end there. It's followed by Mac revealing the ring to Desi (and Riley). Mac's in "fuck it" mood and Desi kinda panics.

Little side note here, using GUM and a DIAMOND to break a bullet proof glass... BIG YES. That's an intrinsic MacGyverism.

~~~~

4. BIG SECRET REVEAL 2.

Then we get a breather from this drama by introducing another drama, Leanna's death.

Bozer's reaction to the news was heartbreaking for my already heartbroken heart.

I have my suspicions as to why they decided to kill her... The other episode completely made by the new team was the Quarantine one (5x06). During that episode Mac and Bozer bond over Bozer's pain. After learning about Bozer's mom, Mac chooses to share a piece of his own pain with him.

So, hear me out, I think they writers are planning to help Mac process his own grief THROUGH Bozer's grief. Keep in mind that we still have a Bozer centered episode coming up.

This is just a theory. I may be wrong, but I think it may be right too.

Back to the episode.

Once again we see a three dimensional Russ. He does something accordingly to his own judgement thinking it's the right decision [hiding Leanna's death], he realizes he screwed up, he gives Bozer a very heartfelt apology about it.

Henry's acting talent shone with this narrative. Actually, most of the actors had the chance to shine THANKS to the NARRATIVE. Murdoc, Andrews, Desi, Mac, Russ and Bozer... they all had their highlight moments (I'll talk about Riley later).

Parenthesis here... THE NARRATIVE HAS RETURNED THEIR SOULS TO OUR DEAR CHARACTERS!

WOW, they aren't brooding, angry, sad or whiny ALL THE EFFIN TIME. ABOUT TIME!

~~~~

5. LAST ACT.

For the third or fouth time in this episode my heart broke again when Mac was friendly towards Riley, after she explained herself. It really felt like he was friendzoning her.

But here's something to point out. Riley visibly relaxed when he reacted that way. What does that tell us?

> She had been so tense up until that point. Imo, she's on the defensive now. You can even see it in her wardrobe, make up and hairstyle choices. They're very contrasting to Riley's most vulnerable moments in this show (like when Audrey broke up with her).

Riley has had a year to sort out her feelings. We see in this episode that she spoke about them in a past tense. Whether she achieved it or not is unknown. We just know that she has at least tried to move on.

> She was mostly afraid of ruining her close relationship with Mac (who's her only family, along with Bozer) and her friendship (?) with Desi. We've seen it over and over again: Riley DID NOT WANT to get in the middle of them.

Keep that in mind as we go in the last scene.

It took me a while to figure out a possible thread of thought inside Mac's mind. Why did he look at the ring and decided to go to Riley's house? It really didn't make sense to me.

One moment he was thinking about his proposal and somehow that lead to him having the necessity to know if Riley still had feelings for him? Why??

My theory is that he went to her apartment for permission.

His question was a way of asking Riley for permission to propose to Desi. It was a way of reassuring himself that proposing was still the right decision.

In a way, he could also be fishing for an excuse to not do it [the proposal].

Because now he has doubts. He's confused, unsure.

Mac asks:

Mac: Hiding your emotions and letting it pass. Did it go away?

What could her answer have been? Here I wanna go back again to Riley being emotionally defensive, added her strong desire of not wanting to be in the middle of Mac and Desi's relationship.

I think she would've said "Yes, it worked."

Because it also lines up with my idea that the love triangle has changed from "Riley's a better match for Mac" to "Mac needs to win Riley's heart".

Riley's done her job. She worked out her feelings. Now it's time for Mac to sort out his humongously messed up internal self and reignite her spark. That's what I think.

Also, if anyone has any idea on how the song that played in that scene relates with the moment please share it with me because I don't really understand the song choice lol.

~~~~

6. ADDITIONAL COMMENTS

Desi. I'm not sure what's going on in her mind. She seemed stressed out by the ring, very serious about Riley, lenient with Mac... I'm really not sure.

My guess would be that she doesn't want that type of commitment but she wants to be with Mac yet she can't ignore Riley so does that mean she has to end it with Mac? That's the thought process she may have had? Idk...

I'm glad they let her be mature about it, with no overreactions, no whining, no blaming, nothing of that style that we're used to see in her.

I'm also glad about that moment when she defeats Murdoc and Andrews. THAT'S HOW YOU WRITE A TOUGH DESI. It was filmed with such a gracefulness and elegance. I liked it.

From a MacDesi point of view, she's probably being open minded and giving him space and waiting for him to come back to her... but somehow I got the vibe that she's actually... running away?

Lastly but no less important.

THE HISPANIC REPRESANTION OMG. RUSS SPEAKING SPANISH AND THAT CUMBIA MUSIC FILLED MY HEART WITH SO MUCH PRIDE!!! :')

[axelbluesworld]

Lock in the heart

He promised to close my heart and never open it again unless it was worth it. Every time I fell in love, I ended up with a broken heart and didn't want it to happen again.

The thing is, this genius doesn't need a key to open the lock, and he easily opened the lock on my heart.

Without realizing it, I fell in love with him and knew it wasn't going to end well. Without realizing I had the key to open the lock and take my heart

Every time he passed I saw him with that beautiful smile, his blue eyes, his golden hair and his incredible intelligence. They only made me fall in love more

The greatest pain of a person is having a feeling of love and having to hold it deep because we know that it is not reciprocated.

I tried with all my being to fall in love with someone else, I did not even have to know love, a simple attraction to someone else was enough for me, but I did not succeed.

Mac had gotten into my head, my thoughts, my soul and my heart.

I knew that at the end of it all he would end up hurt, but before I knew it, I had already fallen madly in love with him.

The most painful thing was not the fact that he did not love me in the same way. What hurt the most was that he loved someone else the way I wanted him to love me.

Seeing them together every day, kissing, hugging, holding hands, only made my heart hurt so much more.

For a second I thought I had forgotten, but again it was a simple illusion. From the moment I saw him again, I felt the same again, in love.

That latch I had put on my heart was wide open and I'm not sure I can close it.

Bozer tries to cheer me up in any way possible, and he always manages to get me a lightning smile, but I still don't know if he can help me forget.

"It's hard to forget when what you do is love"

They say that when the heart falls in love, there is nothing to stop it, but with all my effort I let my heart do something that I would later regret.

That did not imply that he would not save his life when he knew he could. Today on the mission, Mac was about to take a bullet, but I got in the way.

Luckily for me I had the backpack on my back and the bullet hit the computer, unfortunately I had a nasty bruise, but that was better than having a hole in my back.

Right now we were in the war room for the common questioning that I always do after a mission. I notice that Mac looks at me whenever he could.

I didn't fully understand why, but I think it probably has to do with what happened on the mission.

At the end of the session, we all walked out of the war room and I could see Desi give Mac a somewhat strange look. I didn't want to pay attention to what was probably one of his games, and just headed for the exit.

I watched the rain fall from the sky and hated the fact that the car was in the store, I was about to call an Uber when I saw Mac walking in my direction.

At that time I did not care if it was raining, there could be a hurricane, and in the same way I would have gone out into the street.

The rain easily soaked my clothes and everything else, I hoped that thanks to the rain Mac would stop and he didn't want to talk to me anymore, but when I turned around he was still following me.

I tried to walk faster but he ran towards me and grabbed my arm to stop me, the universe definitely hates me.

He looked at me with a look that I couldn't recognize at all. I tried to free myself from his grip, but my attempts were in vain.

"I want to talk to you" Mac said as he looked me in the eye.

I didn't want to talk to him now or ever, I knew my heart was very fragile and anything he said to me could easily break it.

"What do you want to talk about?" she asked a little nervous.

"From this, every time I try to talk to you, you run away or you just ignore me," Mac said.

"Not true." I lied, but it was obvious that he didn't believe me.

"You did it right now, you didn't even care that it was raining, you just wanted to get away from me," Mac yelled as the noise of the rain grew louder.

My intention was never to get away from him completely, but if I wanted to forget about him I had to get away, since Matty asked me to open communications the day Russ had been abducted, I knew my heart was desperate.

Hearing Mac tell Desi that she was the reason he was here at the Phoenix, that she was the reason he was coming home, that he loved her, that lock that he had put on my heart was completely broken, leaving the pain to do what it wants with the my heart

"I want to get away from you because I'm fed up, I'm sick of me being nobody to you, none of my sacrifices for you matter to you, that hurts because the person who risks everything for you and who has always been there for you is me, only today I saved your life and you only care about her, I have done many things for you and that does not matter to you because you still return with Desi even knowing that being with her makes you bad" at that moment I spit out many of the things that I thought

At that moment I was crying, but because of the rain they couldn't see each other at all, Mac looked at me with an expression of astonishment and sadness, I didn't want his compassion or anything like that, so I turned and fled.

Mac ran after me, and all I could do was cry uncontrollably.

"Why are you risking your life for me?" Mac yelled at me

"Because I love you, okay?" I screamed out of nowhere, I couldn't contain those words anymore.

He looked into my eyes and at that moment I just wanted the earth itself to swallow me, I wanted to run away, but at that very moment it seemed that my feet had stuck to the ground, and the only way to escape was to say what I felt.

"I love you and yes, I am in love with you, I have been for a long time and every damn second that has passed has been the worst pain of my life, every day seeing you with Desi hurts me and all I want is for you to love me like her, I know I have ruined our friendship by telling you this but it hurts me more to keep them than to say them "my tears were washed away with rainwater

Mac looked at me with an expression I'd never seen in my life and felt that every second of silence was horrible.

"Mac, please say something, tell me you hate me, say you don't love me, but please say something," I yelled at him.

Mac approached me with determined steps, and before I knew it, his lips were already on mine. At that very moment, I forgot everything around me and I dedicated myself to that kiss that I had wanted so much.

The rainwater wet our clothes completely, it was impossible for us to be closer than we already were. His hands on my waist hugged me tightly keeping us close, his lips were soft against mine, it was everything I had ever wanted.

I was the first to walk away because even though I loved that kiss very much, the very idea that I did it out of pity scares me. When I saw him, the etsba was grinning from ear to ear.

"In first Desi and we broke up more than a year ago and I did not tell you because you always avoided me and I am very sorry for the way I hurt you, I love you, I love you more than anything in the whole world and I know I realized things very late but what I say is completely sincere, sorry if I do not thank you enough for saving my back a thousand times, I love you Riley, I love you very much and I will tell you as many times as necessary so that you know "admitted Mac

I laughed at his words because they were so sweet and tender, and that I love you, that which he repeated over and over again only made me so happy because it was the "I love you" that I had always wanted.

"I promise you that I will never do something to hurt you again, I love you" he said before kissing me.

At that very moment that lock was opened in my heart, leaving the way open to everything I have always wanted, a true love

[loove-persevering]

She’s Trying (Steve Harrington One Shot)

Description: Hawkins seems to have this eery sense of sadness ever since the events of Star court mall being destroyed.  Steve and everyone seemed like they would never be happy again, and Y/N was not going to let that happen. 

 (I got this idea from a Marvel fic I read forever ago, so this is not my original idea but I love it and wanted to write it for stranger things! Credits to the owner of the marvel fic that inspired this!) 

  Ever since you were little the one thing you were good at was making people happy, you were for sure a people pleaser if you had to put a label on yourself. It seemed like anytime someone was down you would drop anything just to make them happy or to cheer them up, which in the end is a good quality to have.  Lately it seemed like everyone was down and you would be damned if you let them stay like that. 

Steve had been down after the events for obvious reasons, he was one stressed about finding a new job after the mall had been destroyed and everyone there had lost their jobs. Of course him and Robin did eventually score a job at the arcade but Matty sure as heck was still was pretty tough on him believe it or not. Then the party just seemed to constantly mope around, they were missing Will and El and it just didn’t seem the same even to you. Max was still torn up about her brother Billy, even though he wasn’t the best person he was still her family in a twisted kind of way.

  You wanted to go out and do something it seemed like almost everyone in the town was afraid of going out after all the events, it scared you a little too but you knew you couldn’t spend the rest of your life hiding in fear. 

 ‘’Let’s go out tonight?’’ You say to Steve. You had stayed with him last night and were cuddled into his chest and he had his eyes closed his arm wrapped around your shoulder, he was still awake you could tell. ‘’Steve?’’ You call out. 

He scrunches his face up, ‘’Not tonight,’’ He says. 

 You watch his face as it begins to relax again, ‘’Come on, we haven’t been out in months let’s go do something!’’ You say pushing yourself up on your elbows looking down at him. ‘’Please!’’ You say sweetly. 

‘‘Y/N,’‘ He groans. 

‘‘Steve,’‘ You say back mimicking him. ‘’Come on we can go get everyone else and go see a movie or-’’ You begin to say but he cuts you off. 

‘‘Go see a movie where Y/N? The mall is gone.’‘ He snaps at you. 

 Okay maybe suggesting a movie wasn’t the best idea you think to yourself. You fall back into bed and let out a deep breath thinking of what you could possibly do. ‘’I have an idea!’’ You burst out to him after a few minutes of thinking, ‘’We can get the projector that my mom has in the basement and set up a sheet-’’ You begin to say but Steve cuts you off. 

‘‘Y/N, just stop.’‘ He groans reaching his hands up covering his face. 

‘‘Why?’‘ You ask feeling a little offended but also pissed that he was acting like this, you only wanted to make him feel better.

‘‘Because nobody wants to go out Y/N, it’s stupid.’‘ He says rolling out of bed. You sit up clutching the bed sheets against your body now that he was gone you were cold, ‘‘I mean just leave it already.’‘ He sighs walking to his closet putting a pair of pants over his boxers. 

‘‘Steve?’‘ You call out hearing the voice laced in your voice. ‘’I just wanted to-’’ You continue but once again he cuts you off. 

‘‘You want to what Y/N? People aren’t ready! Forcing everyone to go out and do some stupid shit isn’t going to help anyone.’‘ He says viscously. You felt the tears begin to form in your eyes as he spoke to you, all you wanted to do was help him and the others. You knew it wouldn’t be easy acting as if nothing ever happened and that wasn’t what you wanted to do. You wanted everyone to say despite all the bad shit that’s happened over the past couple months you could go out and still have at least one good night. 

 You get out of bed peeling of Steve’s shirt he lended you the night before and look around for yours. Once you find it you quickly put it on and then find your shoes sitting on the floor and begin tying them as you and Steve got ready in silence. As you get ready you realize how much of an ass Steve was being, he wasn’t even giving you the chance to talk or anything. ‘’I was doing it to help you asshole,’’ You tell him and he looks back at you wide eyed once you finally speak, he rolls his eyes right after. ‘’I’m going to do it whether you come or not the kids will love it.’’ 

‘‘You’re so naive Y/N, you don’t know shit about how this has affected people,’‘ Steve says. 

 ‘’I don’t know?’’ You ask him and he nods as if it was obvious. ‘’You’re right Steve I’m naive and shit, but I’d rather be that then a stubborn ass!’’ You yell at him. You walk to the door opening it, ‘’I thought you had changed, but I guess not.’’ You tell him and then move into the hallway slamming the door shut. You hurry down the stairs and walk out the back door, you look up at the window of Steve’s room and just see his shadow moving around the room not even attempting to come after you. You sigh turning around and swiftly make your way to where you knew everyone would be, the Wheeler’s. 

 ___

 You knock on the door standing outside the Wheeler’s house waiting for them to answer. You knew it would take a minute seeing as the basement was their hangout place. Eventually Mike answers the door, ‘’Hi!’’ You greet him giving him a smile. He seemed to have this permanent grimace on his face after El left, you hadn’t seen him smile in what felt like months. 

‘‘Hey Y/N,’‘ He says. He opens the door a little wider allowing you in and you follow him to the basement. Everyone was downstairs Dustin, Lucas, and Max who was cuddled into Lucas’s side. ‘‘Y/N’s here!’‘ Mike calls out as you walk down the stairs. 

 You hear a mutter of hello’s and then you make your way over to the couch sitting on the edge of it. They all looked bored, ‘’So,’’ You say getting excited to tell them your idea. ‘’I was thinking tonight we could set up a spot and I can get my mom’s projector and we can turn on that new movie The Goonies!’’ You offer to them.

 They all look to each other and sigh, ‘’Not today Y/N.’’ They sigh. 

‘‘Come on! You guys don’t need to sit in the basement and mope all night!’‘ You tell them truthfully. ‘‘It won’t be too cold tonight and I’ll set it all up you guys can just come and have a goodnight,’‘ You tell them. 

 They all sit silent not saying anything, ‘’It does sound fun,’’ Dustin points out. 

Mike shrugs and you look to Max, ‘’Max?’’ You ask and she just smiles at you awkwardly.  

 ‘’Okay it’s settled I’ll set it up and you guys can meet me at my house and I’ll set it up outside!’’ You say getting up feeling a rush to get it all set up perfectly. ‘’I’ll see you guys at eight!’’ You say hearing their groans and you run up the stairs.

 A few hours later you had successfully managed to sneak out your moms super 8 and stole a sheet from the dryer setting it up against the brick wall as successfully as you could. You bought some bean bags using all your savings from babysitting so everyone would be comfortable, it was almost eight and you were excited. Even though Steve still hadn’t talked to you all day you were excited to spend some time with the kids and get their minds off everything. 

 A few minutes before eight you see Dustin pull up on his bike, ‘’Hey!’’ He says excitedly laying his bike on the ground. 

 ‘’Hi!’’ You pause, ‘’Where’s everyone else?’’ You ask him. 

He shrugs his shoulders, ‘’We all went home for dinner, I thought they were coming,’’ He says. 

‘‘Oh! We can wait a bit then,’‘ You tell him giving him a smile. You walk him over to where you had set up, you bought some snacks and had them laid in the bean bags and then you had the projector set up and ready to go. 

‘‘This looks awesome,’‘ Dustin says sitting down in the chair. 

‘‘Thanks!’‘ You say excitedly, you peer over your shoulder when you see lights once again but it was only your neighbor pulling in the driveway. You felt a slight disappointment hoping they would only just be a few more minutes. 

  To your disappointment minutes turned into an hour, you sat in the bean bag your hand supporting your head as you leaned your arm against your knee. You look over to Dustin who had eaten about three of the eight candy bars you had bought for everyone. You sigh loudly realizing nobody was going to come, ‘’Nobody’s coming,’’ You say letting out a laugh of disbelief. 

 ‘’Come on let’s just wait a few more minutes,’’ Dustin says. 

‘‘It’s been an hour Dustin,’‘ You point out to him. 

‘‘Oh,’‘ He says getting quiet. 

‘‘I think we should just call it a night,’‘ You say the disappointment evident in your voice. You walk over to the Super 8 picking it up, Dustin gets up looking at you wide eyed. You had never felt like more of a failure than right now, all you wanted was to go to sleep and forget about it all. 

‘‘Y/N!’‘ Dustin calls out to you as you walk toward the front of your house. 

You furrow your eyebrows feeling the tears in your eyes, ‘’I’m sorry,’’ You tell him. ‘’Just go home Dustin,’’ You sigh looking back at him his mouth agape as he watched you enter your house. 

______

STEVE’S POV

 Dustin had called everyone into what he said was a very important meeting and if anyone missed it he implied some kind of dangerous threat to our lives. I had to drive past Y/N’s house to get to Dustin’s and I tried to see if her car was there but it wasn’t so she must already be at Mikes. I drive down the road and finally see Mike’s house where Dustin had called the meeting at, I still think it’s weird how these kids call meeting at a house that isn’t their own. 

 When I pull up to the house I notice that Y/N’s car isn’t there, I get out thinking maybe she just had somethings to do before hand and make my way to the door. When Mike answers he has an unamused look on his face ‘’Dustin isn’t here yet,’’ He says. 

 I nod my head and he allows me in and we make our way down to the basement. We waited for about fifteen minutes until he finally showed up out of breath I might add. ‘’Okay you shit heads really have done it.’’ He says. 

We all look at each other confused, ‘’What are you even talking about?’’ Lucas says sounding annoyed. 

‘‘Y/N,’‘ He says and I felt myself freeze. Dustin looks over at me and then to everyone else. ‘‘She went out of her way to set up a movie for everyone last night and I was the only one that showed up.’‘ He says. I felt my hear drop thinking at how disappointed she must’ve been, we had already fought so I knew she must’ve even been more upset to only have Dustin show up. 

‘‘None of you went?’‘ I ask them looking around and they all nod their head no. ‘’Shit,’’ I mutter to myself. 

‘‘Yeah shit,’‘ Dustin says with attitude. ‘‘I get it all the stuff that’s happened in the past few months has sucked but Y/N is only trying to help.’’ He says. ‘’And we couldn’t get over ourselves one night to go and just have fun?’’ He asks. I look around the room noticing the guilty expression on everyones face. ‘’And you!’’ Dustin says pointing at me. 

I look up at him shocked, what was he calling me out for? ‘’What?’’ I ask him.

‘‘You’re her boyfriend! Where the hell were you?’‘ He asks. I stare at him in shock at what he said. He was right, where the hell was I? I turned away my girlfriend in such a douche way I might add just because she was trying to make me stop being sad? Damn, I was a shitty boyfriend. Dustin rolls his eyes as I stay silent, ‘’I have never seen Y/N that sad ever in my life.’’ Dustin says and I felt the guilt almost eating me alive at that point. ‘’So we are going to make it up to her,’’ Dustin says.

 ‘’And do what?’’ Mike asks. ‘’It’s raining,’’ He points out. 

‘‘Then we can set up at Steve’s house, right Steve?’‘ Dustin asks. I nod my head wanting nothing more than to make it up to Y/N. Everyone just sat looking at Dustin with blank stares. ‘‘Everyone in?’‘ He asks. I look around watching as everyone agreed and then Dustin begins comprising a game plan. 

_______

READER’s POV

 You sat in your room a magazine perched up against your leg, you had gone to work earlier today and then came home to an empty house. You decided that the best way to pass your time would be to read one of your mom’s magazines at least until she got home and you finally had someone to talk to. You hear a knock at your door and you look over at the clock on your night stand unsure of who it could be, you put the magazine down on your bed and then get up running down the hall to the front door. They ring the doorbell about five more times between then, ‘’I’m coming!’’ You yell starting to become annoyed by the sound. 

When you answer you were surprised to see your boyfriend Steve standing at the door looking a little sad his hands behind his back, ‘’Y/N,’’ He sighs in relief. 

‘‘Harrington,’‘ You say crossing your arms over your chest. You only called Steve by his last name when you were mad at him. ‘‘Can I help you?’‘ You pause letting out a little laugh, ‘‘Oh wait no! I can’t! You won’t let me,’‘ You say sarcasm lacing your voice. 

 He sighs and walks a little bit closer to you pulling his hand out from behind his back holding out your favorite bouquet of flowers. You had to force yourself from smiling, expecting hopefully an amazing apology. You keep your face stone cold not the slightest bit of a smile on your face as he stared at you with wide eyes. ‘’I’m sorry for being a dick,’’ He says. ‘’You’re amazing and wonderful and I like really don’t even deserve you.’’ He pauses. ‘’You’re beautiful, honestly you’re totally out of my league and you always seem to put me first I still don’t know why.’’ He rambles on. ‘’But you do so much for everyone and you just make me a better guy and again I’m sorry I was a dick to you-’’ He continues and you couldn’t help but smile after that.

‘‘Steve,’‘ You laugh cutting him off. 

‘‘And you’re just like this amazing person and I’m so so sorry I’ve been treating you like shit these past couple months, you deserve so much better and-’‘ He still continues to ramble on. You realize the only way you were going to be able to shut him up was to kiss him. You walk forward closing the gap between your body’s pushing yourself on your tip toes and press your lips to him finally getting him to stop talking. 

 You were about to pull away when Steve puts his hand behind your neck holding you in place longer and you seemingly melt into his kiss. He wraps his other arm around your waist pulling your body closer to his if possible, ‘’I love you,’’ He says finally pulling away putting his forehead against yours looking down into your eyes. 

‘‘And I love you Steve Harrington,’‘ You say leaning up kissing him again. 

 After a few seconds of once again getting too caught up in the kiss you pull away laughing, you reach up wiping the lips gloss you were wearing from Steve’s lips. He smiles as he pulls his head back from yours as you tried to wipe it off, ‘’No, no! Come on!’’ He says and you look at him confused. ‘’Go and get yourself ready I’m taking you somewhere!’’ He says. 

 You look at him confused and he just puts his hands on your shoulder turning you around and walking you to your room guiding you, you start to walk into your room and then felt a hand smack your butt. ‘’Steve!’’ You yell out to him and he smiles at you innocently. 

‘‘Sorry,’‘ He says sheepishly. ‘‘Get ready! Dress comfortable.’’ He tells you and you nod. You hurry changing into one of his sweatshirts and a pair of black leggings your mom had just bought you. You couldn’t stop your smile thinking of where he was going to take you, once you were ready you walk out and Steve smiles at you leaning down to kiss you again longingly. 

 He walks you to his car opening the door allowing you in and then makes his way to the drivers side of the car. ‘’Okay, ready?’’ He asks. You nod your head excited and he puts the car in gear taking off down the road. The entire car ride Steve had his hand in yours rubbing his thumb over your hand soothingly, it made your heart melt. You glance over at him giving him a smile and he looks at you admiringly as you glance back out the window. Eventually you pull up to the Steve’s house. 

‘’What are we doing here?’’ You ask him. 

He just smiles at you and gets out of the car jogging across the front and opening the door for you. You get out and walk up to the front of his house and he opens the door as you walk in behind him. He grabs your hand and guides you down to the basement, once you finally make it down the stairs you realize Dustin, Mike, Lucas, and Max were all here too. 

 ‘’We’re sorry,’’ Max starts off. 

‘‘We know you were just trying to help,’‘ Lucas adds in. 

‘‘And we’re really sorry we didn’t show up yesterday.’‘ Mike says. ‘‘So we kind of tried to recreate what we could according to what Dustin told us.’‘ 

 You look over to Dustin and he was smiling at you widely and you look to Steve who was looking down at you already a grin across his face as well. ‘’Thank you guys,’’ You say to them not being able to hold back a smile. 

 An hour later everything was in motion, you had the movie playing and all the snacks scattered across the room as everyone was intrigued in the movie. They all seemed to be having a good time and that made you feel even more happy than you already were. You look up at Steve who was completely into the movie and after a second he looks down at you and laughs, ‘’What?’’ He asks. 

You shake your head popping another piece of candy in your mouth, ‘’Nothing--’’ You pause, ‘’I just love you,’’ You tell him and he smiles. You sink back down further into his chest as his arm wraps around you tightly and you watch the movie finally having one new good memory since all the chaos. 

______

PERMANENT TAG LIST:  @l-ivingformendes , @queenbbarnes , @gwenebear , @depressed-comics (Let me know if you want to be added or removed!) 

^^^ I’m sorry if I missed anyone on the permanent tag list, If I did miss you please let me know so I can add you!

[welcometophu]

Into the Split: Arrival 2

Twinned Book 3: Into the Split

Arrival 2

[ Previous | First | Next ]

Nikolai grabs Seth, and they both stand there, stock still, listening carefully. “We need to get in the house,” Nikolai hisses. “We need to hide.”

Seth gives him a dark look. “We don’t know if this is the group that was using the house, Nik, and I didn’t explore much. As soon as I figured out it had been used, I grabbed those blankets and got out. They could have traps in there. Some way to capture us, or worse.”

They’re too far from the cabin they left that morning, too exposed sitting here by the lake. Nikolai tenses to run, but isn’t sure where to go—the only real choices are into the potentially dangerous house, into the lake or down the path, towards the intruders.

“I’ll just calm them.” Seth pushes his glasses up his nose, holds them there like they aren’t teetering on his nose. “We’ve gotten out of worse spots.”

“I could—” Nikolai cuts off when Seth grabs his hand, squeezes hard.

“No,” Seth says quietly. “You couldn’t. Not without attracting the Shadows. And if those are humans hunting us—”

“Then we’ll taste better if the Shadows come, I know.” It’s one of the hardest things about being out in the wild. If something loud is coming, they know it can’t be a Shadow. Those slip up on you when you aren’t looking and steal you before you can scream. If it’s making noise, it’s probably human, which isn’t any less deadly, just in a different way.

And worse, humans tend to hunt in packs.

“Don’t move,” Seth whispers, as calm flows over Nikolai. Seth closes his eyes, shifts his grip to loosen it. “Don’t even breathe. And definitely don’t think of using your Talent.”

The sounds grow louder and more distinct, a woman’s voice yelling, “Run!”

Another woman grunts quietly, then shouts, “I can’t grab all of you at once. Alaric, a little help here!”

“Mac, don’t hurt yourself.” Male that time, authoritative and expecting to be listened to.

A laugh in response.

The crashing sound again before a dark shape bursts through the trees, wings flapping in a rush of air as it rises. And in its wake come Shadows.

So many Shadows.

“Shit!” Seth shoves at Nikolai and they both leap sideways, out of the path of the dark shapes swirling through the air. It’s almost as if they’re flying upwards, scrambling up trees and the side of the house to get to the creature circling overhead. “Nik, that looks like a—”

Dragon.

A figure clings to the dragon’s back, holding on tightly as the dragon dips and swirls over the lake, just out of reach of the trees at the edge. The Shadows all flow into the trees, so intent upon the dragon that they don’t even seem to notice Seth and Nikolai, nor the crowd that crashes through the path the dragon created.

The knot of strangers stops and looks up. The one man in the group has a hand over his brow, as if he can use it to focus his sight. “Nikita’s holding on, and the Shadows can’t reach Alaric,” he says. “They only look like they’re flying; they can’t actually travel through air without some kind of darkness.”

“Because we’re people,” one woman points out. She stands apart from the rest, her arms crossed and jaw set. “Just because some of us are soulless monsters doesn’t mean you should treat us like creatures in a zoo.”

Seth hisses at the statement, and one of the girls turns, dark eyes furrowed in a frown. A blink and she’s there in front of them, hand out, grabbing Seth’s collar. Seth pulls back, and Nikolai wraps his arms around him, holding on.

It feels as if his guts twists inside out and they are abruptly somewhere else, away from the dock and standing in the midst of the strangers, surrounded by Shadows darkening the trees overhead, a dragon circling over the lake.

“This is bad,” Nikolai says. He doesn’t know these people, and they keep using their Talent, which his going to attract even more Shadows. And the one… she implied she is a Shadow. Which makes no sense. She looks normal. His mind whirls, unable to focus on just one thing at a time.

“That’s him!” the girl on the dragon shouts, her words far away and indistinct. “I can just barely see him through the trees. That’s Nikolai!”

“We need to take care of this,” Seth mutters. “This is going to be painful. I was wrong, we have to use your Talent. Nik, I need your help. We need to—”

“I know.” They’ve dealt with Shadows before, but never this many. And there’s always a danger to it; any use of Talent could make it worse instead of better. When Seth had said he would calm them, he was thinking human hunters. Nikolai may not know if he can trust this group of Talents, but he knows they have to be safer than the Shadows.

He doesn’t even want to know why they’ve invoked his name. There is something vaguely familiar about them, but nothing he can identify and hold on to with adrenalin rushing through his veins.

It’s a problem for later. Surviving the Shadows is a problem for now.

Nikolai wraps his arms around Seth, presses a kiss to his temple. There’s a bright sparkle that trips over his skin, pleasant and calm. Nikolai reaches inward, brings the dreaming out, and amplifies it, until light sparkles like diamonds through the trees.

The Shadows wink out like they were never there.

Nikolai catches Seth as he crumples; they both go to the ground when Nikolai’s own knees give out.

A rush of wind, and a low thump. “What was that?” a new male voice gruffly asks.

“I think that was Nikolai.”

“I didn’t like it,” one of them mutters dryly. “On the other hand, I’m still here. Does that prove my humanity to you, Pawel?”

“It proves that you’re not easily banished by shining a bright light.” It’s the first male voice, drawing closer with footsteps that crunch on the ground.

Nikolai opens his eyes to see the one that he assumes is Pawel crouching next to him.

“Are you okay?” Pawel asks.

The girl who rode dragonback pushes forward, leans in over Pawel. “We aren’t here to hurt you,” she says quickly. “We’re here to help. Well. We’re not supposed to be here at all, but that’s a thing that happened, and as long as we’re here, we’re going to rescue you.”

Nikolai can’t help the sharp laugh. “Rescue me? You’re the ones who were being chased by Shadows. We would’ve been fine if you hadn’t brought them to us. Don’t you know not to use your Talent like that? It attracts them. Which means that fix was only temporary. We need to get out of here before more Shadows come looking for us.”

“Oh, they’re aware.”

“Mattie.”

“Alaric,” she retorts back. “Did you, or did you not, trap me by creating a new ritual and then transforming into a dragon because you knew I would expect you to taste good?” She sighs heavily. “And now I can’t even eat properly. I miss it, sometimes. Chocolate is not the same, as good as it is.”

“You’re more sarcastic when you’re talking to me and not Rory,” Alaric grumbles.

“I like Rory,” Mattie says. “But he’s not here. And no matter what I say, I won’t actually eat him.” The way she says it implies she might eat someone else, but none of others seem afraid of her.

“You are all hurting my head,” Seth says. He nudges himself out of the tight circle of Nikolai’s arms, and together they rise.

Nikolai keeps a hand on Seth’s side, not wanting to lose contact, not right now. “Who are you?” There are seven of them, with no dragon in sight, apparently replaced by someone who must be Alaric.

The girl who rode dragonback  pushes herself past Pawel, right into Nikolai’s personal space. “I’m Nikita. I’ve been dreaming about you.”

For a brief moment, Nikolai considers sitting down again. He wavers, and this time it’s Seth who holds him up, an arm around his back to brace him. “Oh,” he says, voice small, because that snaps the familiarity into focus. She’s the face in the mirror when he dreams. These people are her friends. “You like broccoli.”

Nikita blinks. “I… I do, actually. And it’s one of the very few vegetables the campus dining halls do right, without turning it completely into mush. Have you been dreaming that you’re me?”

“Sometimes,” Nikolai admits quietly. “And it has made me strangely nostalgic for broccoli. And just so you know, when I was little I hated broccoli.”

“This is her,” Seth says quietly, and Nikolai knows he remembers their conversation from not all that long ago, when he told Seth about his dreams. “And you think we can trust her?”

Nikolai looks at the crowd with Nikita, all of them now vaguely familiar from his dreams, and only half-remembered. “Probably,” he allows, because that’s as much as he’s confident in saying.

One of the woman steps forward, tucks a strand of wavy brown hair behind her ear. She reaches into her bag and brings out a wallet, looking through it before she finds a piece of paper. When she shows it to him, it’s a highly detailed hand-drawn picture of the cabin they stayed in for weeks, the one they had left only days ago. “I’m Carolyn,” she says quietly. “And if this place is still safe, I can get us there.”

Nikolai exchanges a look with Seth.

“It’s not exactly made to sleep more than two,” Seth mutters. “And you don’t look like you’re equipped for travel. Not to mention that it’ll be pushing us backwards several days.”

Nikita gestures at the backpacks they carry. “I’ve seen how you two live, and it’s not luxury. I know what we’re getting ourselves into.”

“I don’t, and I honestly don’t want to be here,” Mattie comments. “However, if I get uncomfortable, I can just leave. On the other hand, you can trust them, and I promise that I won’t eat you, because if I did, Alaric would probably eat me.”

“With my blessing,” Pawel says darkly.

“Can we please—” There’s a wash of calm and acceptance over them all, and Seth and Nikolai twist to stare at the girl speaking. She reminds Nikolai a little of Seth—short, soft, with curly hair and glasses. And she’s an Empath. “Caro, just open the gate,” the girl says. “We need to go somewhere that isn’t the middle of the woods and has a chance of being safe.”

“How likely is it that whatever she’s about to do is going to summon Shadows?”

The newcomers exchange looks at Nikolai’s question.

Mattie licks her lips, huffs a drawn-out sigh. “Probable. Everything they do tastes delicious. So fine—you go through; I’ll stay here. I can deal with them if I’m alone, and I’ll come through the darkness to join you. Just leave me a corner. You know they won’t follow if they think you’re already mine.”

“You don’t know that it works the same way in this world as in our own,” Pawel says.

Mattie shrugs. “Might as well try.”

“Then we’re decided.” Carolyn holds the picture in front of her, and as Nikolai watches, the image of the safe house swells to life size, enveloping them. Mattie carefully steps out of its way as Carolyn gestures. “Go through.”

Seth grips Nikolai’s hand tightly, and they go together, stepping into the bright image. For a moment, the ground beneath their feet is dirt and leaves, then they stumble onto the rough-hewn wood floor of the cabin. The others follow shortly after.

Nikolai hurries to light the lanterns, and once he places them, Nikita moves them just enough to leave a corner dark. Seeing the darkness there makes Nikolai’s skin itch, but he remembers Mattie’s words.

Everyone comes through to the cabin in pairs, Carolyn stepping through last with Pawel, and there is no sign of Mattie.

In the small cabin, Alaric seems bigger than he did before, hulking as he stands near the darkness. They all seem both strange and familiar, and Nikolai isn’t sure how to handle this. It’s been a long time since he’s seen so many Talents gathered together, and he can’t remember when he last saw so many different ones in the same place.

Seth sinks onto the cot and pulls his glasses off, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “We just lost all that time,” he mutters. “At this rate, we’ll never get to Havenhill. If it even exists.”

Nikolai catches Nikita as she throws her arms around him, hugging him hard. “I’m so glad you’re alive,” she whispers. “I stopped dreaming and I thought maybe you were dead. I wanted to come find you, and this wasn’t an on-purpose mission, but we’re here now, and I’m glad we are, because we can help you.”

“Help me… what?” Nikolai has no idea what she means, and he’s pretty sure she doesn’t mean getting to Havenhill. He gets the feeling she’s been getting an entirely different view through the dreams than he has. He sets her back on her feet carefully; as soon as he lets go of her shoulders, she steps back into the crowd of strangers.

“Help you do whatever it is you’re trying to do,” Nikita says, as if that’s somehow easy.

“Help you stay alive,” Pawel says firmly.

Mattie emerges from the shadows, metamorphosing from darkness into human. She crosses her arms, tilts her head as she stands close enough to Alaric to touch him, but far enough that Nikolai can see the space between them.

Alaric huffs, a low growl before he rumbles, “We can heal the Split.”

[ Previous | First | Next ]

[thethistlegirl]

Chicken Soup+Honey

So here’s the first of my Advent Calendar gift fics! This one is for @shadokatninjakitty​ who requested a fluffy sickfic! It is, by the way, set at some point after last night’s episode by virtue of a couple details, but there are no real major spoilers for anything. 

Jack once told Mac that after all the freakish deadly viruses and poisons they’ve been exposed to in their years with the Phoenix, he’s never going to complain about the common cold. That, however, is possibly the biggest lie Jack Dalton has ever told.

Jack’s honestly surprised when the first one to get sick this year isn’t Mac. The kid’s usually the one who shows up one day sniffly, tired, but insisting he’s fine. Jack’s pretty sure the kid’s terrible sleeping and eating habits are to blame. Well, he’s not even sure you can call them “habits” because habit implies a degree of regularity and consistency.

No, the one who brings home the bug is Riley. Three days after her last undercover op, she arrives at work with a red nose, a handful of kleenex shoved in her jacket pocket, and a few choice words for the guy who’s currently sitting in a Phoenix holding cell, with pretty much the same thing Riley has now.

“Was it really necessary for me to take his glass and drink out of it?” She grumbles.

“We needed to get something to pull his fingerprints off,” Mac says. “And you didn’t actually have to drink any of it.”

“Well, excuse me for not wanting to look suspicious.” Riley curls into a chair.

“Hey, that’s my chair,” Jack says, shooing her off it. “Go contaminate the couch.”

Apparently Riley does just that. Because two days after that, Bozer and Leanna both get sick. Within hours of each other. Mac mutters something about shared saliva spreading germs, and Bozer gives him a dirty look before dramatically blowing his nose into a handful of tissues.

WIth Bozer sick, Jack’s sure it’s only a matter of time before Mac gets it. And he knows Mac doesn’t do sick well. Most people who get colds get a runny nose, some coughs, and possibly a headache or a fever. Mac, in the time Jack has known him, has had two double ear infections, three sinus infections, bronchitis, and pneumonia twice. Even the Phoenix’s mandatory flu and pneumonia vaccines don’t seem to help.

It’s not, most likely, that Mac has a worse immune system than other people. It’s that he refuses to take a break until he crashes. So Jack’s bound and determined to make sure that doesn’t happen this time.

So when Mac stumbles into the War Room blearily rubbing his eyes and swallowing shakily, because the poor kid always gets a horrible sore throat to go along with everything else, and unlike a normal one it lasts for days, Jack takes one look at him and bundles him back out the door, exposure to germs be damned.

He drives Mac home, because the kid’s in no condition to do it himself. He keeps falling asleep with his head leaned against the cool glass window. When they get to the house Mac’s barely coherent, and he only stumbles out of the car when Jack tugs on his arm. “Hey kiddo, time to get you inside.”

He deposits Mac on the couch with three blankets he finds in the living room, draped over chairs and other furniture, and then goes to the kitchen. As expected, Bozer has three cartons of chicken soup in the fridge. And Jack is now more than willing to forgive Leanna’s organization efforts because he finds the soup, a clean bowl, and a ladle all in five minutes. Last time he hunted high and low for all the silverware before finding it supporting part of one of Mac’s inventions.

He heats a bowl of soup and carries it over to Mac, who’s now buried under the blankets, sniffling and looking thoroughly miserable. “Hey kid, I brought you something.”

“Not hungry,” Mac mumbles, his voice all thrown off by the stuffed nose. He sounds like a petulant little kid, and once again Jack’s reminded of how young Mac actually is. When a kid like him has to grow up too fast, sometimes they never grow out of some things. Mac’s insatiable curiosity, his social awkwardness, his sometimes hard to manage emotions...he’s still a little kid who wonders why Dad doesn’t love him and what he can do to change it.

“I know, but you gotta eat something or you’re gonna start throwing up.” Another way in which Mac deviates from the normal routine of common colds. His stomach reacts very badly to mucus, and if he doesn’t eat, which he rarely does on a normal day, he’s going to get sick. And once he does, he can’t stop. “Plus, it’ll feel good on your throat.”

“Fine.” Mac takes the soup bowl and swallows a few mouthfuls of broth, then sets it down. “I can’t eat any more.” Jack knows that look on his face well enough to grab for the trash can.

When it’s over, he sits rubbing soothing circles on Mac’s back while the kid leans off the side of the couch, trembling uncontrollably. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re gonna be fine.” He texts Riley one-handed, asking her to bring over the honey and herbal tea she’s been using. She’s finally on the upswing of her cold, and she won’t be needing too much more of it.

When Riley does show up, with tea, honey, and also extra boxes of kleenex and a bag of cough drops, Jack sets to work. He gets Mac comfortably settled on the couch by himself, although the kid’s started shivering and Jack hates to deprive him of the warmth. He makes a mug of tea with a generous addition of honey, and carries it back to Mac.

“Ready for round two, bud?”

Thankfully this time what part of the tea Mac manages to drink stays down. And a few minutes later the kid nods off to the opening credits of the original Star Wars. Jack grins down at the messy hair that is all he can see of the kid.

It takes the better part of a week for Mac to shake the worst of the cold. But by the time the next weekend rolls around, he’s bouncing around the house like a golden retriever on crack, if one happened to have the IQ of Albert Einstein and a penchant for taking apart household appliances. The waffle iron, the blender, and the toaster oven have already fallen victim.

So when Jack gets a text from Matty he drags the kid into the car as well. If I leave him home alone he might blow the place up.

He pushes open the War Room door only to be greeted by a massive sneeze. Matty is glaring at both of them, holding a Kleenex in one hand and a mug of tea in the other.

Oh no...

[a-writing-bear]

[PruCan] Chapter 9: Soft-Spoken Calling, They Want Their Shyness Back

Ao3 Link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11159997/chapters/42689768

This Has been cross-posted onto FF & Ao3 under Aliases: BearBooper

You can read this Fic on Tumblr under ‘Keep Reading’ - Ao3 version is formatted, tumblr version is not. Ao3 is recommended.

Previous Chapter        Next Chapter

Fandom: Hetalia Axis Powers

Main Pairing: Gilbert Beilschmidt & Matthew Williams (Prussia & Canada)

AU:  College AU - Art Student Matthew and Media/Film Student Gilbert

Age Rating/Mature:  Teen And Up Audiences (12+ due to mentions of mature themes as well as swearing)

Trigger Warnings: Recreational Drugs & minor connotations of anxiety (Future addiction to mention themes such as addiction, rape etc.) WITHIN THIS CHAPTER - Mentions of Depression, Anxiety, Therapy, Counseling, and anti-depressants. (please note I am NOT anti-meds.) Family Issues are implied, Distance and abandonment suggested.

The world stiffened as strawberry blonde hair covered his tired eyes, Alfred had scooted much farther away as he let his brother gather himself. Racing, pulsing thoughts jumped in his head; everything felt slow and too fast at the same time and the unease of having someone else in this private session was more off-putting than he would have thought.

“I….I didn’t finish the painting.” Ms Paisley’s demure look did not falter, unsurprised but still polite, her scribbles of notes were no doubt some follow up questions about his inability to get something done- he felt foolish for bringing it up, his subconscious already tormenting him about his inadequacy to shush up. His brother, on the other hand, was lost; What does a painting have to do with Matthew’s health?

“What was it this time Matthew? ...noise? … distractions?” her voice trailed on but Alfred’s mind was hooked on her reasoning-

“Not noise this time. I was quite...fine. I was fine- I just can’t get it to look right and I feel…” He mind was smoothened a little bit as he tried to articulate his thoughts. Fiddly hands kept tracing the hemming of his hoodie edges, eyes strictly avoiding his brother’s questioning gaze.

“Lost. I felt like I was detached again. I couldn’t get it right and It’s just so difficult to stay up…” Closed eyes and uncertain breath faded into a hum, he almost forgot Alfred was there as he thought of the image of his childhood. Bright. Vibrant. Utterly simplistic in its approach.

“I’m on top of work. But that just means I sleep more... I'm tired. Very tired. I know I say that a lot but I am. It’s just so-” his voice breaks off into a bit of a laugh as he grimaces at his repetitious mantra, “I’m exhausted, Paisley.” He bites his lips; he’s been trying to get out of the habit of saying tired. The word was so addictingly bittersweet and had glossed over his lips so often that the definition of such a word had practically been imprinted into his personality. Dr Paisley looked up as Alfred patted a hand onto his knee, the gesture making the male almost jump as his eyes popped finally realising his brother was still in the room.

“Well. I’m sure the painting will turn out beautifully- Have you shown anyone your work, has Al-”

“It’s a surprise! It’s...not ready and I don’t want Alfred to be spoilt” The interruption let out another hiccup as Matthew slid his back down the couch, his head almost lolling straight into the couch’s depths.

“Okay. I think you should have some downtime while I Just chat with your brother, would that be possible Matthew?” He slowly got up, feeling ashamed for his messy rambling and eager to leave the room. “John could get you some tea while you wait..” the remnants of that sentence was lost on Matthew as he had already made his way out back into the little room from before.

“Hi Alfred, Long time no see, How have you been?”

“Alright, Uni is exciting as always...can we just get to the reason why I’m here? Matthew-- My brother says you want him on more medication?”

“Yes. He hasn’t been on anything for a while, and he’s made a lot of progress but recently...He’s been having trouble with our recent goals, and I don’t want to worry any of you and your family. From a professional standpoint, I would recommend this as it would help him just balance out his anxiety. He hasn’t been on much for a while now.”

“I trust you doc, but I’m still worried. He’s been kind of...really secretive I guess?

“How so? He’s told me he’s been chatting and unloading a lot on peop-”

“Well, obviously not me. Not..me. We don’t go out anymore, he always liked to sleep in but some days I have to genuinely bash his door down to get him up. It’s...a slump.”

Dr Paisley sighed, a knowing glint in her eye as she listened to the wistful way Alfred talk about his brother- knowing of what?

“Look. Mr Jones, I need to know if you’re planning on any big life changes.” Alfred seized up, caught off guard by the question, almost nervous of his own answer- “It’s just that Matthew right now needs some extra support, we’re assuming he’s just in a bit of a drop right now...he goes through it once…” her voice seemed to trail off as Alfred and his ever calculative brain were in the works of what to say: tell the truth or to wait for a better moment? Surely he could put off telling Matthew of his...no if he told the doctor now he could avoid a confrontation from his family later on…

“-Would moving away count as something big?” the professional paused in her sentence, concern out and open.

“Who would be moving?” Alfred explained his new course offer from some prestigious lab in Japan, the willingness he had to go there and the excitement was clear but the more he explained he had begun thinking of how’ll it affect his brother.

“...we spent enough time apart as kids. Last time really fucked him up and I just don’t...he lost trust in me and that’s okay I just... I- what if this is the thing that really...pushes it?”

The two stared at each other for a few seconds, both deep in thought before the doctor gave her insight: “Your brother will be fine. He wants you to live your life. He just needs time to know what’s going on. He needs to talk more. Do you know anyone he could talk to while you’re away?” There was Tim, their childhood friend of whom Mattie had always been attached to; the Dutchman always came to Matthew’s heed and Mattie always complied with the scarf-wearing weirdo. Alfred drifted, he had that new German guy, right? He never really liked Gilbert, always saw him at some trashy party- he was so different from Matthew, it would be difficult for his brother to open up to someone like that…

“Besides Tim, there’s this new guy. I think Matt would tell you about him. I don’t really trust the guy.” before the doc could synthesise a plan Matthew had knocked on the door rather meekly, sticking that fluff of a hairdo through the door and asking if he could back in.

“Of course. Matthew, your brother and I are okay with our new goals, would you like to go through with it?” the young man barely nodded, still in the doorway, leaning a bit off the frame as his eyes wandered in Alfred’s direction as if still asking if he could come in. Alfred got up, shaking off imaginary dust and he made his way out, ruffling his twin brother’s hair as they swapped places. He’d have time to think about what he wanted to tell him while he waited.

“I’m really sorry we can’t have our full 1 hour Matthew, Is there anything you’d like to talk about in particular today?” Matthew had cosied up on the chair, crossing his legs as he used to as a kid- Dr paisley had reassured him no harm would be done to her soft plush couch even if he brought his foot upon it.

“I’m just tired is all.” he had started picking at the seat fibres once more, his glasses sort of slipping off as he pressed the couch experimentally. “I understand, Alfred said you made a new friend? Wanna chat about that?” At first, Matthew was puzzled, confused as to who she had meant before realising that she probably referred to Gilbert.

“Oh. Gilbert. He’s...cool. I don’t want to talk about him. Do I ha-”

“You don’t have to do anything Matthew. This is about you.”

Matthew relayed his story about going to see Tim (minus the weed of course), how he had overstepped Tim’s boundaries once more by accident, ranting way too long and not getting anything done when he could have been doing something, anything, he never gets things done, why can’t i get things done, it’s impossi-

“Matt- Matthew breathe. Hey, hey slow down. You were taking a break right?” Matthew gulped. He didn’t realise he had been mumbling incessantly again. “I don’t think you overstepped. I’m sure Tim would have said something if you did. He’s been your...friend for a long time.” the blonde nodded, awkward to where this was going.

“Do you...pardon me if this seems inconceivable or rude...do you have feelings for Tim?” Matthew looked at her as if she had slapped him in the face-

“nO! OH Nonono- Tim’s my… he’s just a really...good friend, I couldn’t...I like someone else... I think?” his mind drifted to a pearly white smile and red eyes that really should be more intimidating than attractive. God. Gilbert’s got him good and it’s hardly been a day. He needs to stop. Paisley just smiled that ever kind smile, and it kinda sickened Matthew knowing at the end of the day she was paid to smile like that regardless of what he said to her. The rationale in his head reminded him she was genuine and that this was a good experience- counselling was better than hiding in a room getting high off his rock...that sounds more enjoyable at this point. The two chatted, Matthew once more relearning his breathing, noting to himself to write in his personal log once he gets home to keep the doc and himself on check.

“I’ll see you next Saturday? Afternoon at 1pm. 1 hour for sure Matthew.” with that the two parted, Matthew, worming his way out of the office and straight to the registering counter, prescription form in hand. Alfred had signed it. So had he. He’d have to pick them up tomorrow. Fuck me.

The two twins waddled back out, getting into their car and driving to their little detour: the diner just off campus. “Ahh loving the shoddy lights as usual,” Alfred commented as they got out the car and saw the overdone and tacky 60s light decor falter. Sliding into the opposite sides of a booth, the two sat in silence, obviously avoiding conversing about what was talked about during Matthew’s appointment. Or so Matthew hoped.

“So doc tells me ‘bout a painting.” Liar. Matthew knows Paisley wouldn’t have told him jack shit about that painting. “It’s nothing. It’s a surprise, Al, don’t go sticking your nose into my art and I won't question your phall-” Alfred burst out laughing before Matthew could finish his joke, he supposed seeing his brother laugh did brighten his moods. The waiter, dressed in a stereotypical apron, brought over some coffee (“it’s not Tim Hortons, but it’ll do”) and Alfred waved her off to get some burgers with a ‘thank you doll’ that only resulted in a tut. They talked about Alfred’s course and how his lab work was going, Matthew, in turn, talked about the next hockey season and how’d he hope he would get back on the team after his hiatus. Parents. They talked about their parents- neither of whom had called. Their father, ever the distant soul, last they heard, was back in London sorting out some legal case and hadn’t even texted Alfred the usual monthly check-in text. Matthew grimaced. If he didn’t even text Alfred...then he must still be mad about the two of them going to see mother last summer. The coffee was burnt and bitter, and this dinner was as rugged and worn out as Matthew’s weary soul, yet he couldn’t help feel comforted by the fact his brother was still here and not painstakingly somewhere ignoring him. Matthew hated being ignored.

*DING*

T @ 7:34 [Are you at the Diner? I see an oddly familiar car out here.]

Of course, Tim was here.

M @ 7:34 [Yeah Al’s here though. Just came back from Dr.P’s. Wanna join dinner time?]

T @ 7:36 [I’ve got Laura and Luca with me, I’m sure they’d love to catch up with your bro. Though you wanna chat out back for a bit?]

Matthew paused. Looked away from his phone to see Alfred once more chatting with a waitress, idly stacking up some creamer cups.

M @ 7:38 [Your sister would smell the shit on us. Tell the L duo to come in and I’ll come out.]

T @ 7:39 [I’ve got deo and we can blame it on smokers outside. They’re going.]

“The Van-de-bergs are here. I’m gonna go out just to chat with Tim for a bit. Please don’t hit on Laura again- Tim will murder you and I’ll tell Kiku.” Matthew got up quickly, making his way very quickly as his brother tried responding with a resounding “I’m not that big of a flirt-” Laura and little brother Luca in tow came bursting in, gladly waving at Matt as they made their way to the table.

“Tim says you two need to chat so he’s-”

“Outside.” Matthew pushed his way past them out the door. He’s not usually so dismissive of the kind girl but he wanted to get away from some of the noise for a bit. A smoke really sounded good right then. The air seemed nippy as he stumbled into the evening light. The fuzzy streetlights illuminated the tall figure that was Tim leaning on his car. With a head flick and a motion, the two moved, trekking to a dodgy avoided spot right behind the diner; smoker paradise as cigarette buds were littered across the gravelled area.

“..I’m assuming shit didn’t go well.” Matthew denied answering because he himself didn’t really know. Today went well. He just didn’t feel it.

“Well. Let’s chat then schatje.”

Gilbert had enjoyed Matthew’s empty bedroom for a while. But he found, no matter how charming the walls were and the strewn pieces of art- as captivating as they were, felt strange without Matthew actually being there. He had gotten out, leaving the room as immaculate as it did when he had first gotten in and wondered where the North American brothers had gone. Oh well. His work had occupied him for as long as he needed, and by dinner time he was truly starving. With his, worn out jeans and leather jacket snugly on, and his motorbike keys pocketed he decided he’d go off campus and get some takeaway. The food hall seemed a bit too dull for a Saturday night lunch right? And nothing was better than hunkering down on some takeaway and calling it a night early. With a resounding roar, his bike came to life, driving him down the quiet nighttime roads, running away from the campus that seemed to be riddled with late-night students wandering all over the place.

Unlike Alfred, Gilbert unironically liked the 60s vibe that the diner had possessed. It reminded him of his Grandfather who always liked the middle of nowhere businesses and of Ludwig and his avoidance of less than stellar looking establishments. The food was fantastic too and always made good 24/7 pancakes. Gilbert wouldn’t mind pancakes for dinner, he could get them half price if he sweetened that lady over the counter again. Just as he pulled up, and was busy stowing his helmet away he saw a familiar person walking behind the restaurant- Matthew. Matthew with someone most definitely wasn’t Alfred. I thought he said he was with his brother. Gilbert scolded himself...it’s none of his business. For all he knew Alfred was there too...behind the diner...where cute Matthew was walking with a shady looking tall dude. Yeah, not awesome. Gilbert began walking.

He’s just making sure his new friend Matt was safe. A good samaritan keeping someone safe. Gilbert's inner voice was spouting bullshit.