#and then crush girl maybe tries to undermine their relationship right in front of her and she sees bbhs reaction

[mybiasisexo]

i love the fake relationship w baek thing and the pretending to have sex idea 😭🤣 it’s refreshing and entertaining topic, but also is perfect choice of topic for baek tbh. i just imagine reader being low key crazy too but only towards the yandere acting bitch. like reader just don’t play that shit 🤣

I agree with the concept suiting baekhyun! and hmmm I can see. rn I have op like doing this against her better judgment and she's like v hesitant but the idea of the girl with a crush crossing a line and flaring ops protective side and take her new role seriously???? okay wait im starting to get it!!!

[kinsey3furry300]

5 ships I hate, why I hate them, how to (kinda) fix them, the better ships you should be doing in that universe, and why you should ignore me and keep writing them if it makes you happy.

Note: this is done for amusement, please don’t be offended; I’m not attacking your ship, I’m just listing some ships I do not always care for, and how I think they could be improved, and maybe made brilliant, by clever writing.

In no particular order, and focusing on ships that often annoy me, with no attempt by me to say anything meaningful or popular about the current state of any particular fandom. I’m also a firm believer in the idea that there’s no such thing as a bad ship, only a badly executed ship, so my objections to these is less a dislike of shipping, or the paring, and more that they raise writing issues that I think are difficult to fix in a satisfying way. That’s why in a lot of the examples below I prefer AU ships to ones that try to messily work it into the cannon. Anyway, enjoy... I guess?

 Marco x / anyone (Animorphs)

Why I hate it: Animrophs is an intensely character-driven story, where the tension of each book comes from the conflicts, external and internal, that the five Animrophs (and Ax) face during a long, hard, traumatic war.  And while several of the character are paired off romantically, it’s always to emphasise character conflict over their different points of view. Jake and Cassie are a pair because Jake’s struggle with having to make hard, grey, morally ambiguous choices as leader is highlighted by Cassie’s burning need to make the right choice, the lesser evil, the choice that leaves some small shred of humanity and dignity and kindness left in this bleak world. Tobias and Rachel are a pair as their arcs deal with literal and figurative loss of humanity, as the slow accumulation of trauma over time turns these happy(ish), normal kids into psychologically ruined husks of their former selves and destroys them slowly, one fight at a time.

Marco’s arc, isn’t about either of these things: Marco’s arc, is about the bright, clear line between A and B, between problem and solution. Marco is a utilitarian, a pragmatist: his concern isn’t the burden of leadership, or the cost of the decision, but about how to put that all aside and make hard decisions that actually work regardless of cost. It’s not about what to do, the path is obvious: the bright, clear line of ruthless logic, but how to do it. His match, his counterpoint, the other character who’s all about the logic of taking awful decision in a way that actually works for the team, and his foil, his female counterpart in this, is not a romantic partner, but his mother: Visser one, making the exact same hard, difficulty ruthless decisions using logic and maths, but for the other side of this war. A romantic paring gets in the way of this arc because a partner doesn’t help him with that bright, clear line, and worse, any attempt to pair him of with either Rachel or Cassie breaks up not only a cannon paring, but their respective character arc.

How to (kinda) fix this: Marco’s arc is, at the end of the day, a trolly problem. So make sure whoever you ship him with is one of the people tied to the tracks. Introduce a character he crushes on, and then in the second act reveal that they are either a Controller, or in the family of a Controller or the proximity of the target of their next mission in a way that will make them collateral damage ,and let Marco struggle with what happens when that bright, clear logical line from A to B cuts through someone he actually loves; you know, like it did with his mother. See, even trying to fix this ship is weirdly Freudian.

The far better ship you should be doing: Ax x / EVERYONE. Ax in human form is described as a worryingly pretty, worryingly androgynous male of indeterminate race. He is a literally Bishonen alien hedonist with no familiarity with human senses, poor impulse control in human form, and no knowledge or understanding of human courtship rituals, and he can shape-shift, including into other members of the core team if needed to compel a mission, he calls Jake his prince,  and he is incredibly close to Tobias, the lonely outcast woobie that the LGBT fans adopted as their poster boy. Come on, the potential for shipping, both with wacky hijinks and sad, tragic star-crossed lovers’ trope is endless. Every line dedicated to Marco shipping is a line of text that could be dedicated to Ax trying to eat a Cinnabon erotically on his first date as a human and hulking out mid way because he forgot just how good they are. What could be better than him leaning into to erotically kiss a team-mate, and then fucking up due to his failure to understand human mouths, making weird mouth sounds, and then licking crumbs of the table in the middle of the mall, in front of the entire school, while his crush awkwardly tried to pretend this is normal? What’s wrong with you Marco-shipper people, do you hate fun?

 Riz/Tem (beastars) Why I hate this ship: Okay, just to quickly ask a question, to people who un-ironically like this as a serious ship and not a dark joke, just one little question: What’s wrong with you? I mean,are you okay? Keep taking the meds: the show is VERY clear on that point.

It’s like those people who say Joker X Harley Quinn is their ideal dark, edgy relationship: no it’s not, it’s abusive! Morticia x Gomez is dark and cool but CONSENTUAL and HEALTHY. This… this is a deeply imbalanced person murdering someone and telling themselves after that fact it was special and rare and magical. ITS HOMICIDE! And even if you write that out (and you shouldn’t, because that changes the character arc of every other major character) it’s still got more red flags that a soviet military parade. This is the botulinum of a toxic, one-sided teenage infatuation. Riz’s entire arc is about how he projects his thoughts and feelings about himself onto this idealised, made-up version of his and Tem’s relationship which, from Tem’s point of view, never existed. Riz never loved Tem: he loved the idea of Tem, the idea that someone would see the real him, see his inner pain and accept him anyway, but he never once told Tem this. He didn’t warn him “Hey, because of you I don’t feel I need my meds any more, do you mind if I try not taking them and we can meet and talk about this in a safe, well-lit pace?” He’s not honest with Tem, and on top of that It doesn’t make sense from the point of view of either of the characters for them to be actually, romantically in love (although  they were clearly close friends), because it undermines and cheepens Riz desire to just be seen and accepted for his real self, and the cannon Tem X Els ship. It also doesn’t make sense from a story point of view: Riz is a shadow archetype for Legosi. He’s what Legosi would have become if someone hadn’t interrupted his attack on Haru. That’s why Legosi needs to beat Riz with his own hands: because then he’s beating the darker version of himself he’s been carrying with him, and he can finally move on with Haru guilt-free. Having Riz and Tem’s relationship actually be what Riz imagined it to be undoes that. It undoes Riz’s interesting, dark inner struggle between truth and fantasy, it turns Tem’s tragic, unsolved murder that sets the entire story in motion into a just sort of weird Romeo-and Juliet suicide. It’s ruins the character arc not only for Riz, but for Legosi, and also, by extension, Louis and Haru, because Legosi’s internal angst over whether or not herbivores and carnivores can have a relationship as true friends needs this example of a tragic, flawed, toxic, failed friendship to bounce off of.

How it could (sort of) work: an AU where Riz’s attack on Tem is interrupted and Tem lives with a slight arm injury, and doesn’t tell anyone out of his complex feelings for Riz. Meanwhile, that bunny girl from the gardening club had been brutally devoured and Rz and/or Tem are so horrified with how close this was to their own near-miss, they start to investigate the murder, and in doing so get caught up in Louis’ inner struggle. Because that’s how the story needs to work, it’s about duality and struggle: and if Riz takes Legosi’s role, and by dating a herbivore he de facto takes the role, so Legosi must take Riz’s. This could be a great AU!

The better ship you should be doing: Pina/Riz (with a dash of Pina x Els), no, seriously, I’m not shitposting. You want to give Riz a redemption arc with a cute woolly boy? How about a story where Pina, out of a need for closure about at happened to him, starts to visit Riz in jail and they talk, mockingly at first, confrontational at first, but later Pina slowly becoming more fascinated in Riz and Tem’s life and asking Riz for more and more detail until they both bond over their shared traumatic experiences and their sense of loss for Tem’s senseless death, Tem’s unfished life casting a shadow over both off them. Eventually, the two of them find, from Legosi who still has the diary, that Tem had planned out an elaborate and beautiful first date with Els that he never got to take her on, and Riz, guilt ridden and sad than Tem never got this beautiful moment, decides to ask Pina take her on that date for Tem, with Riz coaching him by phone cyano-de-Bergerac style, Riz finally getting some closure that he helped one of Tem’s wishes come true and finally acknowledging to himself that Tem had a life and loves outside of him that were cut of short by his actions, and just crying over his lost friend, as Pina and Els slow-dance in Tem memory. Or if you just want to see Tem awkwardly date a carnivore boy from school, why not something less creepy and more wholesome and ship him with Jack? That would be cute AF, and more importantly, not romanticize brutal murder. Or an AU where everything is happy and nice, I’d argue at that it’s no longer Beastars at that point, but if it makes you happy, go for it. Let’s not shame anyone here.

 Snape X Lilly (Harry Potter)

Why I hate this ship: honestly, it’s not for the reason you think; I just like Snape too much as a tragic character, and making him in any way happy destroys his arc in my opinion.  The objection’s others have raised: that Snape acts in a worryingly possessive stalker-ish way towards Lilly, and that if Voldemort had gone for Nevil rather than Harry as a child Snape would have remained a loyal death eater, are true and I acknowledge them as having some validity, but that’s not why I can’t stand this ship. Snape is supposed to be a morally and emotionally complex, tragic figure. That “After all this time?” line was the best line in the Deathly Hallows.  Snape is supposed to show the equality destructive and redemptive power of  love. It’s sort of trinity: Lilly shows the pure power of true, unconditional love in her sacrifice to save Harry, Voldy shows what self-destruction and cruelty a life without understanding love leads to, and Snape sits somewhere in the middle: his one-sided  un-requited love being both the cause of his darkest, and his greatest actions. His curse, and his redemption, fall and rise. Making him happy messes that up.

How to (kinda) fix this ship: make them miserable. Make them fall for each-other only to be pulled apart by circumstance (you know, like they were in the darn original source material). You’re serious about making this a tragic, dark romance? Don’t ship them when they’re at school: Ship them during Voldemort’s rise to power, in the 80’s, after Lilly is married. Have the original Order of the Phoenix send her to meet with Snape and use their previous relation to try to milk some information out of him. Have her feel conflicted about it, have James furious about it, but have her do it anyway for the greater good. Have her meet up secretly with Snape who is angry and distrustful, knowing his must be a trap, and talk. Have the relationship slowly build over time against the backdrop of a cold-war spy thriller, as Lilly slowly realizes that she has some lingering feelings for Snape, but can’t reconcile them her loyalty to the order and her family. Make this a love story of conflicted feelings, divided loyalties, and spy-work against the background of drawing war-clouds. Have Snape offer to leave Voldemort, if she’ll leave the Order, and run away with him, but by that point she knows she’s pregnant and chooses to stay, out of loyalty even though she’s crushing on Snape. Have him show up at the rendezvous expecting for her to be there only for James to lead an Order Ambush, and a fight to ensure, on top of Tower Bridge in the howling wind and rain, Snape surviving but having his spirit crushed and fleeing before Lilly can tell him her true feelings. Make it big, and melodramatic, but above all, make it tragic.  Because that’s the only way Snape works as a character. Always.

The better ship you should be doing: Ginny X Nevil or Luna x Nevil: You want tragic lovers, at school, with divided loyalties, who never get together in the main cannon because a Potter ruins it and gets the girl? Ginny X Nevil. Write what was happening that final year Harry wasn’t at school when they took Dumbledore’s Army and make it work in earnest. Heck, you could even have Snape, as headmaster, hated by them but secretly trying to protect them as a secondary character to their secret, forbidden love. You don’t want to break up Harry X Ginny? Luna X Nevil is sweet and wholesome, but also tragic as they never get a chance, having their school life taken over by the horror of that final year and the need to fight for their very souls in a school run by Death Eaters and the trauma of the Battle of Hogwarts meaning that in order to put away the past and move on, they need to leave each other behind. Hell, do an AU where they canonically end up together, why not? They deserve happiness.

 Dean / Sam AKA Wincest (Supernatural)

Why I hate this ship: They’re brothers. The show even makes a joke about how squick this is. Several times.

How you could (sort of) fix this ship: You can’t: They’re brothers. The show even makes a joke about how squick this is. I guess a body-swap arc could fix this, as it’s less squicky if its just their bodies with someone else’s minds,  but seriously, the reasons why this shouldn’t exist are extensively covered in the show, and it was hilarious.  To be honest, I don’t hate this ship done as a joke, but I have seen some dark spots on the internet, and I can say with all honesty it’s not always treated as a joke. Some folks are really invested in this, and all I can ask is, is your home life okay?

Now, done as a joke, I’m 110% behind this. This is exactly the sort of insane wacky bullshit that makes for a good crack-fic. For example imagine that the supernatural threat of the week was book that made anything written in it come true, and the brothers are trying to find and destroy it, but they keep getting distracted by their burgeoning romantic feelings for each-other, and suddenly realise that the owner of the book is a fan on the in-universe novels, and writing slash-fic in the book. They need to find the writer before they make them do something they’ll both regret, but it’s just so distracting when Sam’s beautiful eyes are right there and- dammit, Sam, it’s happening again! Make Sam less concerned and even a little amused, with it, but make Dean hate what’s going on. Especially when the writer’s description suddenly makes Sam noticeably better hung that him. Make the villain turn out to be Becky from “Sympathy for the devil” and end with them trying to take the book away as she writes frantically to force them to do her bidding, and you’ve got yourself a good fic.

The better ship you should be doing: Cas/Sam or Cas/Dean or Cas/Sam AND Dean fic. Duh. Once again the show-runners beat the fans to the mark and pointed out that this is the best ship, and then they took it away just to fuck with us.

 Any Katniss ship that ignores her obsession with Emotional Security Logic. (The Hunger Games)

Why I hate these ships: Katniss is, briefly put, a mess before the books ever start, her father’s death and harsh upbringing have arguably given her PTSD before she ever volunteers for the reaping, and it doesn’t get better from there.  In psychology, Emotional Security Theory (EST) is a hypothesis that the heightened emotions surrounding repeated violent exposures leaves children vulnerable to dysregulated distress responses and eventual psychopathology, aka, why Kat be so messed up.  Her internal monologue makes the books completely clear that her choice in partners is not motivated by normal affections, but by deep, deep fear. A fear of loss, abandonment and death that leads her to make every decision about what minimises her, and her sister’s, exposure to potential physical and emotional harm. It’s frantic, fraught, cold survivalist thinking. And the other characters in the book notice and acknowledge it! “Which of us will she pick?” “She’ll pick whoever she can’t survive without.” Kat doesn’t like herself for it, but she does eventually admit to herself that she makes her decisions like this.

How do we fix this ship: Ship Kat with whoever you like, but give her a good reason to pick them: and in Kat’s mind “A good reason” is based on Emotional Security Logic, she needs to have a pressing reason why this ship makes her and her sister safer. Do that, and you’ve got yourself a good Katniss story. Don’t do that, and while you may or may not have a good story, the person staring in it isn’t Katniss Everdeen anymore.

The better ship you should be writing: Finick X Annie. Or, Haymitch prequel ships

FinAnn. This, this ship has some real potential to it, and is criminally underutilized. Finick and Annie’s relationship is one of the most tragic and romantic in the story, and has so much to offer. Or, if you want to have a hard-bitten character from district 12 struggling with trying to find love in the hellish combat of the games, do a prequel in which Haymitch finds love in the capitol during training, but loses then in the area and turns to drink as a result. Heck, you could even have some fun with this and turn it into a dark comedy, or a great tragic love story, whatever you like. It’s got potential, and his backstory is vague enough you could do a lot with it.

So, tell me below why I’m wrong, and have fun with your writing: just because I hate that ship doesn’t mean you should. Enjoy yourselves.

I’m off to write awful Ax/Pina/Luna Polyjuice’d into Nevil/Cas/Finick fiction set at an anime high-school that fights a magical war against other fictional schools, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[inmyarmswrappedin]

The good: 

Skam España set up Amira’s crush on Dani (and Dani’s crush on Amira) in s2 and, regardless of how it ends, they are following through with that storyline, instead of dropping it like a hot potato.

The bad: 

Okay, so first off I have to say I’ve never vibed with Lucas Nabor (Dani)’s acting. And by never I truly do mean never, as in the first day of Cris’ season, I found the way Lucas N played Dani in the confrontation with Cris after they get home extremely cringy. This was way before I could’ve ever dreamed that Skam España would whitewash Yousef’s character and turn him into a white character. 

So, for me, it’s not just an issue of whitewashing (which is already bad enough on a show with no meaningful male characters of color), but eskam pairing one of my favorite Skams character ever with the character I like the least for acting reasons.

But I figured eskam wouldn’t really have the audacity to whitewash a love interest and not give us a Yousef of color in another form. Just like the way we got that 5-second glimpse of Lucas Rubio hooking up with a boy named Iván in the s2 finale, so people could see the male Isak had also found an Even, or the way we got a full season of Miquel being the abusive boyfriend that Spanish viewers saw William as, but for Noorhelm fans, Alejandro still got to be Nora’s endgame. 

And so, when Sofian in the trailer was blatantly posited as a love interest, juxtaposed with shots of Dani with the same expression and filmed from the same angle, I thought, “Okay, so Amira will have an additional love interest who is actually Moroccan, and he’ll probably be around much less (like Iván in s2 and Alejandro in s3), but he’ll be the endgame.” 

Like... Never in my wildest nightmares would I have thought that Skam España would take... idefk... Lito from Skam and turn him into a full fledged character who’d play the fuck out of Amira and attempt to talk her into bearding. 

When Kasim was introduced and people immediately noticed the look between Lucas and Kasim, I thought, “no fucking way Skam España would pull an Elite.” WHEN, when has Skam España looked towards Elite for inspiration before? Not even just to “fix” Elite storylines and turn them into good storylines. Elite and Skam España have never existed in the same sphere or tried to do the same things or impacted each other.

When the spoilers came out, I thought back to the time in s3 when the same hackers said that Alejandro would hit Miquel with a bottle. At the time, I heard of the Alejandro spoilers and wondered to myself, “is this something Skam España would ever do?” And I thought nah, no way, Skam España has never been concerned with toxic masculinity or romanticized it. And I was right! 

So I did the same thing with these spoilers, and I was SO SURE that I had understood the show, that I had understood what Skam España had been trying to do all these three seasons, that Skam España was so disinterested in men as a whole that they’d never try something so complex with either Dani (a conversion storyline) or Kasim (a closeted storyline). Both of those storylines are storylines Skam España gives to GIRLS. Because men in eskam have always been more about what they symbolize for the girls, than their own entities. And I liked that! So, on that level I feel betrayed, because Skam España had been telling it was one thing for three seasons, until in s4 they decided Amira didn’t deserve the same treatment as all the other mains, where she doesn’t get to be by far the most complex character in her own season. (I’m not saying Amira isn’t complex - she is. She is the most complex Sana and the most nuanced.) 

There are a couple things that gave me a bad vibe about this season from the start: one was the fact that Kasim wasn’t introduced in episode 1. Skam España always introduces the characters that are significant for the main in episode 1, so for Kasim to not show up in episode 1, that was a sign. The other one was that Skam España gave the bonus clips to Alejandro. This is a show that refused to give Lucas bonus clips in s2, because his experience as a gay boy just wasn’t relevant to Cris. Not in the same Viri’s experience was relevant to Nora. And suddenly, Alejandro (and not Nora) gets the bonus clips in a season about Amira? Like, it was just fucking weird. It is weird as shit that a show that has always gleefully centered the female experience to the detriment of the male experience, would decide in their Muslim woc season, that it was time for the whitest, straightest, cisgenderedest, richest character on the show to be the first one to get some focus.

Because Sana seasons across the board have underperformed compared to the seasons that came before them (because of racism and islamophobia in Europe), I thought that maybe Movistar had decided to lean on the romance a bit more heavily this season, in order to make it seem more appealing. Kinda makes sense, no? We’re tired of seeing straight white girl seasons, so making Nora’s season lean a bit more on the educational side of Skam isn’t a risk. People will still tune in. But a Sana season is a bit of a harder sell, so we have to sweeten the deal with romcom tropes and all the other couples in the show making out and about to have sex, to make up for Amira not getting those scenes. I thought I could live with that.

But like, there’s adding some background fanservice from established couples and then there’s this monstrosity that leans into EVERY islamophobic Muslim trope ever (because it’s super commercial and high stakes drama and excitingggggg). Like, in Western media, Muslim men are either oppressors (abusive, strict husbands who beat their wives and are terrorists or thugs or thieves) or oppressed (closeted gay boys who resort to extreme means, such as bearding or dealing drugs, in order to stay under the radar). They never get to be the leading love interest. I have never seen a Muslim man of color on Spanish TV be the male love interest, and especially not the love interest to a Muslim woman. And Skam España will be no different.

I also hope people understand the way it undermines literally every other thing they’re trying to do with the show. Amira already explained at length both her own stance towards gay people and Islam’s stance towards gay people, in s2 and her bonus video with Lucas. if you want to be a Muslim in good standing, you can be gay as long as you don’t act on it. But you can also be a Muslim who eats pork, or a Muslim who doesn’t fast in Ramadan, or a Muslim who doesn’t pray five times a day, because ultimately it’s about every individual’s relationship with Allah. To go back on this for a homophobic Muslims storyline undoes everything they did in s2. 

It also undermines Dounia as a character. Here’s a practicing Muslim who longs for a safe space, who doesn’t want to answer questions from non Muslims, who thinks it’s better not to even open the door to a relationship with a white non Muslim, and who’s really confident in all those decisions. And if you think the show isn’t setting her up to be confronted with the fact her brother doesn’t feel safe among Muslims, who prefers questions from non Muslims over telling the truth to Muslims, who has happily opened the door to a relationship with a white non Muslim, who thinks that Dounia is a homophobe in short, and that she will be made to reexamine all her beliefs because of her brother... I just don’t know what to say to you tbh.

And also, this clip made it seem like Amira’s Muslim world wouldn’t accept her crush on Dani, undoing everything the show has done until now. Dounia didn’t disapprove when Amira told her she had a crush on a white non Muslim. She understood and shared her experience. Amira’s mother knew about her crush on Dani and never tried to stop it, nor did she discourage it when Amira told her about it. Why is Skam España suddenly acting like Amira can’t tell anyone about her budding relationship with Dani, when every anon on tumblr dot com will tell you that relationships between Muslim women and Christian men happen all the time?

And finally, it just makes me reexamine previous Skam España seasons and wonder... Did they make Amira only start wearing hijab in the first day of s1 because they knew a character like Sana wouldn’t contemplate a relationship with a white character who makes islamophobic jokes, drinks and makes out with the Sana’s friends in front of her after specifically inviting her to a party? Did they make Amira the show’s Isak’s best friend just so they could whitewash Yousef? Was the whole purpose and trajectory of Amira on the show, everything they did with her, a justification for whitewashing one of the few positive men of color on Western TV? For refusing to show a Muslim girl in a happy relationship with a Muslim boy? To only portray and devote time to Muslim poc/white atheists relationships? (Amira’s parents not withstanding.) As if the most positive outcome for a Muslim person living in Europe is to marry a white atheist. That is what Skam España did to Sana’s season, to Sana, to the balloon squad. 

[urluwu]

A Character Analysis on Pan

A small character analysis/defense on Pan (spoilers up until EP. 11) 

Before I begin talking about Pan, who was also crying buckets after EP. 11 aired?? SERIOUSLY, the actors in this show are ALL phenomenal. Every single character that cried this episode, made me want to fcking CRY A RIVER. 

After watching this episode, I honestly loved how well thought-out every single character was written, including Pan. However, when I was scrolling through the comments I was actually quite surprised that there were a handful of people who actually disliked Pan. I think everyone is pretty much entitled to their opinion, but I would like to take a closer look at who Pan is and why she does the thing she does. 

To start, let’s focus on Pan’s insecurities.

Pan is someone who feels like she is undeserving of love. Someone who feels like she’s not enough. I think at one point in our lives, we all felt this way. The feeling of never being enough to anyone, lacking the courage to do what we really want to do because we feel as though we are inadequate.

It’s also the key reason why I think Pan escapes to the fantasy world. A world where she can freely ship the person she likes with anyone she wants - her small happy space. The crazy fanfics, the over the top shipping, isn’t it to distract herself from her own pain?  When you break it down, isn’t that like most of us? Watching movies, reading fanfics, reading books, it’s like a break from our own mind and immersing ourselves into something else. Yes she’s a crazy fangirl, but she’s, as cliche as it sounds, very human. 

It’s also why I love Pan (and in extension Soda). Fangirls in films (AND IN REAL LIFE) are always displayed as crazy lunatics with absolutely no brain cells, and yes, there are people that are extremely intense, however that’s NOT the majority. Yes, Pan and Soda can be over the top with their imagination, but their intentions were never to hurt anybody. So, the moment their fanfic caused a problem, Pan apologized to whom it directly hurt. 

I think this scene in particular showcases one of Pan’s strong points but also one of her weak points. She is someone who wants to do the right thing (note on the word: want). However, what she thinks is the right thing to do can very much backfire on her. 

This leads to one of the main reason, I think, people don’t like Pan. The way she makes decisions in Kim’s body without his consent. 

This is where people’s opinions diverge, while you can state that Pan is a selfish character for doing whatever hell she wants in his body, I would argue otherwise. 

Let’s be clear: Pan never asked to be put into Kim’s body. 

From the start, she didn’t want it. She actively protested against it and continually said it throughout the series. 

You could argue that just because she never asked for it, doesn’t mean she should do the things that could hurt others. 

And, I would say you’re right.

In EP. 10, Pan decides to reject Way’s confession as Kim. In retrospect, she shouldn’t do that because the person Way confessed to was Kim, not Pan. 

However, Pan thinks this is right way to handle this affair. Dating a guy that dates his teacher while also cheating on various exams, isn’t exactly someone she pictured her crush, Way, to be with. 

In all honestly, she’s doing this because the good guy she believed Kim to be, wasn’t all that squeaky clean. From the very start, Pan has stated she wanted Way to be with someone good.  

After she finds out Kim isn’t exactly a good guy. She becomes persistent in rejecting him.

until...she’s proven wrong.

This is one of Pan’s greatest trait. The ability to reflect on her mistakes and making attempts to make amends. 

The moment she realized that her perception of Kim was wrong, that she doesn’t have the whole picture, is when she corrects herself. 

She does what she thinks is right. She gets it wrong. She works to make it right again. 

I admire this about Pan. 

When I was a teenager, the amount of things that I got wrong, the things I didn’t correct, but should’ve still linger on my mind. If you’re still a teen and think that you haven’t made mistakes or that the morals you hold now will forever be the same, I would say - wait. The more your world broadens, the more you realize that you were being quite small-minded. When I think about my past, I think there were people I should’ve apologized to properly, people I should’ve treasured more dearly and people I should’ve tried to understand better. 

And Pan, a teenage girl manages to do just that. 

Pan is not a flawless character by any means, but to call her a character that is selfish and stupid undermines her strengths. If she was truly a selfish character, she would’ve rejected Way even when she found Kim wasn’t as bad as she thought he was. 

Pan is someone who cares, she cares a whole lot. 

EP. 11 hits on this point even further. 

Khet, our resident observer, says this about Pan. 

“You should stop thinking about other people.” THIS. 

If you don’t believe Pan is actually someone who is selfless from ME, at least believe it from our resident softboi-goodboi-deserves a happy end boi, KHET. 

When we get to the climax of the story, Pan has to choose whether to be in her own body or pretend to be Kim for the rest of her life. 

And she is conflicted, extremely conflicted. 

Sure, it’s easy to say, “she should just go back to her own body”...but the reason she decides against it is all the more heartbreaking. 

The first reason being Kim’s family. 

Kim has a family that needs and loves him. Something Pan notices firsthand. She watches Khet suffer, believing fully that his brother is gone and that he can no longer rectify the relationship he has with his brother. 

Pan has stated prior that Khet was always someone that was by her side when she was troubled. 

Even in this particular episodes, he tries to hold a calm front in front of her, only to bawl when she’s not looking.

Pan recognizes this and seeing the person who’s been comforting her this entire time is something she doesn’t think light of. 

The second reason...is her own family. 

This part had me on the verge of tears. 

Pan’s only family, is someone that’s not even blood related to her. Her mom and dad aren’t around anymore and the only person she can call family is her step-dad. 

However, she never fully acknowledges him as her dad...because of her guilt. The guilt that she’s a burden and someone who shouldn’t exist. Knowing that her existence is causing everyone to suffer, isn’t an easy pill to swallow. 

The moment Pan realizes that her step-dad is suffering and that he’s in debt because of her medical fees, the guilt only gets worst. 

The only person she can call family, is the person she’s hurting the most. The feeling that if you didn’t exist would make things better for the people you love is one of the most painful realizations. 

Even if you know that they care, even if you know they’d want you alive. That doubt, even that 10% chance that they’ll live an easier life if you weren’t around, will always be in the back of your mind. 

And that’s exactly what Pan thinks. 

She can’t help but think that if there’s a chance she could stop being his burden, maybe he’ll get a second chance a life.

A life where he doesn’t have to hold back for her. 

This leads to her conclusion: 

She sees that Kim has a reason to be alive. 

He has a family to take care of. 

He has a brother to make amends with. 

He has someone who is waiting for him. 

And Pan? 

If she returns in her body, the only thing she’ll be is a burden to the one person she calls family. 

Through her confliction and confusion, Pan has determined that Kim has more reasons to live than her. 

Fortunately, there is one person in her life that argues otherwise. 

Khet (I love him so much and whoever doesn’t like him, I don’t get you on a personal level. I can make another post abt him too), calls Pan out on her insecurities. 

He asks her if she thinks she’s not important. 

This topic has been touched upon throughout the series. Pan’s lack of self-confidence and believing that she isn’t good enough. 

Haven’t most of us been there? Feeling insignificant, feeling pathetic and just...plain ol’ useless. 

Again, Khet reiterates this...

Pan...is thinking about what’s right for everyone. 

She really is.

A selfish act is something you do for yourself, but is giving up on her body to be Kim something a selfish person does? 

Khet instantly recognizes this and calls her out on it. 

But that’s not what gets Pan to do anything. It’s when he says this: 

It’s when he says this, that she thinks about what she should do for Kim. 

Her next action was to rectify the situation between Kim, Way and her. To make sure Way understands what is happening (and boy is this boy clueless LOLL). 

Let me clearly point out that her next point of action was not for herself, but to figure out what is the right thing to do for Kim. 

Again, solidifying her selfless nature. 

I would even go as far to say that the two selfless characters in the show are actually Pan and Khet. The way those two try to look out for one another is quite sweet. 

To end this rather long character analysis (i swear i was going to make it short LMAO), Pan is a well-written character. 

From her wild antics to her insecurities, the writers clearly depicted a life of a fangirl. 

A little intense, but sweet nevertheless. 

Pan, I believe is a self-less character, doesn’t know her strengths or self-worth but always tries to do what she thinks is right. It’ll go wrong, she’ll fuck up, but her heart is always at the right place. 

I love her a lot and I hope more people appreciate the character that is Pan! 

[dutifullybitchypeach]

My two cents worth for the first six chapters and some reasoning around IC and Nesta. All my own personal opinion. Read if you want but it's just my general thoughts. Please, please don't flip if you disagree. I love Nesta and the darkness she is in right now and her behaviour is taking over this sassy no nonsense Queen and it needs to change.

THIS INCLUDES SPOILERS.

....................

Is the House of Wind a prison...technically no. Nesta just does not have the ability to fly or winnow. And no one is on standby to be her taxi. She can leave by walking. Amren threw her that challenge on purpose. She's not alone, Az and Cassian live there. And the Priestesses. Yes it has dark memories. Yes. I know that and I take it on board.

On a side note, it's irritating to hear 'I'm not your prisoner" from Nesta (who I like!!!!) I think of Azriel, Feyre, all the Fae Under the Mountain, even Elide 💗. Then again everyone's idea of prison is different. But the fact remains. She CAN leave. It's just bollocks hard. For a reason

But we know it's what she needs. We know that. We don't have to like it. Not one likes the reality. The ultimatum is uncomfortable and harsh. Our way or fuck off. They are not suggesting manual labour or degrading her. They suggest training, food, working in a library, purpose, being part of something. This doesn't sound bad to me. It just sucks it comeing across as an order. But this is Nesta's POV and she doesn't do requests or pretty please. The fact I got riled up reading it is a compliment to Mass. I had to take a major step back and reassess. Nesta sees everything as an attack. And no that is not her fault. Stay with me! I agree people enjoy provoking Nesta ( Rhys, Morrigan, Cassian) and then get affronted when she bites back. At some point I'd enjoy her retaliation akin to her ripping their head off :) And their vow to never go there again.

The IC 'review' is what annoys me. The "we" will decide where you go from here if you play ball. My hope 🤞 is that Nesta will TELL THEM where she will go/what she will do with sass. But right now sitting on a rock instead of trying to train is fucking juvenile (Again I stress I like Nesta). She hates her power as far as I can tell. But she is so low she can't see the wood from the trees. Or the hand that is been given to her.

Does Feyre have a right to be embarrassed. Yes. I'd die of shame if my sister (I have 3 btw) kept at that again and again and again all on my families dime. Without even being polite or respectful to anyone. She's only ever provided for Nesta. Period. Not to mention being a high lady with all the responsibilities that entails. Living her own life (well earned) and well life in general! I mean Jesus, Nesta is not her only priority. She maybe ours lol! But Feyre has 101 things going on. Give her credit. She tried with Nesta several times. Gave her space and time which Nesta wanted while still making the effort to reach out. Nesta needs to acknowledge that. Feyre was bankrolling her self destructive lifestyle and it had to stop.

The whole "your behaviour reflects badly on us". Well yes it does. Nesta doesn't get a free pass. The whole of Pyrithian is rebuilding and our girl is pissing away money. That's not even hers! Her behaviour does undermine the Court, folks must eye roll when IC lay down the law when your sister/ sister in law is prancing around being a with a big fuck you. Everyone is broken and rebuilding. And it's a slap in the face. Is the saving face irrelevant to Nestas issues, yes! But is Feyre allowed to feel fucked over, yes! Sisters say shit when they fight. Arguments are not flawless debates. Their emotive and bring out the worst in people. Feyre darling is feeling the pressure of being high lady and it came out all wrong. Especially when it's your sister acting up.

And Nesta never tried (as far as Feyre can tell) WE know Nesta IS trying, and surviving every day is a battle. But Feyre doesn't. Why would she. Nesta doesn't speak to her. But their relationship is so toxic that it's beyond Feyre to get it. And that is not her fault. NO ONE is perfect. There is only so much responsibility Feyre can CONTINUALLY take.

Rhys being there. I have a feeling that a male will not let his pregnant mate anywhere near someone he is afraid of. It's instinctive. Someone who hasn't trained to control their powers especially. He is on High Lord mode cause guess what he is a High Lord. This is his court and the people in it his responsibility. Not to mention the oncoming drama with the queens on the horizon and general court bullshit. Does he abuse his position of power.... well in this world the HL have the power. Everyone is answerable to one. Even Amren obeys the rules. Nesta doesn't/won't recognize that. Which is rare. They tricked and lied to get her "consent" surprise surprise a dick move from Rhysand/Feyre. We know they will do that for the "greater good". Lie, steal etc all in the name of saving the day. He screwed Morrigan over in front of her ass Father for flip sake! My point is the NC stability is his priority now more than ever if impending fatherhood is on the way. It's no surprise he wants Cassian to take on more responsibility. Nesta is a liability cause she is AWOL. It's worth noting he had this plan for months but Feyre refused preferring to give Nesta space and the opportunity to decide for herself what she wanted. So we could assume if Rhys had his way Amren and Nesta would have still been friends and it would have been far different. Amren would have been by her side. Do I condone his domineering behaviour, no not in a million years. And neither did Feyre. Will he apologise? Probably not he's an arrogant ass. And wanted to control the room. Fact. He wants/needs Nesta on board the team to bolster his ranks. She is that powerful. We KNOW he will do anything to protect his family (baby on the way).

Morrigan and her nasty comment on sending Nesta to The Court of Nightmares. Cassian acknowledges it's an insult but also the truth. That's a harsh fact on how Nesta is percieved right now. But I believe she wouldn't just thrive there, she would CONQUER ;) I don't know if Morrigan is referring to the people that abused her or the "type" of people that live in Hewn City...? Will we give HER the benefit of the doubt... hmmm.

Morrigan and that comment on good people giving Nesta the benefit of the doubt...that's Morrigans issue. She never gave Eris the benefit of the doubt and yet he proved her wrong with Keir. She's all over the place as a result . And she's been lying for 5 centuries. To her family. Cassian said he values the raw honesty that he has with Morrigan. Wow is he going to get a shock some day. Nesta may be a bitch but at least she's an honest one. And Morrigan knows it which must rattle her to no end. Point is Mor isn't supposed to be in this story very much and Nesta never really cared for her opinion anyway. So neither should we. I've checked out of Mor. Knowing she won't give Azriel closure or honesty just makes me not consider her opinion. It suits her to keep Nesta down in the gutter so her lie can continue.

Amren - her behaviour. I have to remind myself Amren is OLD, a stint in the Dungeon is probably a standard response! Her idea after the Summer Court fiasco and the jewels was to go there and crush them. Amren is by nature harsh. Which is why she gets on with Nesta the most. Cassian tells us she cares. Nesta can't see this. Her comment on Nestas sex life in ACOFAS. People ran with that. Fae lifestyles always kind of disgusted her. She wasn't Fae so bodily functions were an alien concept. Now she's Fae she's slightly horrified. Also no one else has much to say on Nesta's bedroom antics. Cause it's a non issue Mass doesn't do slut shaming. So neither should we. Speaking as a woman also here.

Elaine - we know Elaine craves peace and quiet. Confrontation is not her thing. Being there would mean Nesta would use her as a crutch, and I'm not sure Elaine wouldn't cave. Nesta pushed her away on purpose and Elaine choose to try and find some sort of contentment. That's her right and choice. Agree or disagree. She walked away or decided she can't deal with Nestas difficult behaviour. I don't know. Or is she oblivious to the situation ?! Who knows. Elaine is an enigma! It's the first 6 chapters! Right now they are two different people and have been drifting apart since ACOWR. Nesta is a dichotomy of pushing people away and hurt when they stop trying. It's exhausting for the people that have to deal with it. Who are not perfect and have their own issues and lives. Elaine has stepped back from this situation. Because either she recognizes it needs to happen or cannot sway the majority. Though I think Elaine did say something to Feyre, cause when Nesta pressed her she refused to say what Elaine thought. Just that she wasn't there and not part of the issue. Feyre is high handed when it comes to her sisters. Because that's the role they allowed her. Nesta is fighting back. And Feyre takes it personally. Which is only natural. They're sisters.

Cassian! Ah Cassian. He was spectacularly rejected and being around Nesta is a constant reminder. That's enough to make me cringe in a corner. He acknowledges he stayed away cause it hurt too much. He's a soldier and has serious self discipline. He has no idea how his behaviour/comments hurt her until she confronts him. Deliver him a few home truths. Another well deserved kick in the balls. Flirting with Mor, not sure his behaviour there has ever changed. He keeps it normal cause being around Nesta gives him the shakes!! Lol. He is slack jawed after Nesta and wants her badly, passion we know is big thing for them. It ignites them. Raw and real. Recognising Morrigan is aesthetically beautiful is just a fact. We know she's a looker. So what. Meh to this issue some people have.

We know from spoilers they start training and communicating and Mass is a Nessain ship so I'm excited to see this grow and flourish! I've read spoilers here on these two so I've no qualms.

Cassian for me is right. He and others have been through similar situations before so can empathise. But until she answers him back without snapping he won't be able to be that shoulder to lean on or turn too. He's not going to be her Prince though. Nesta is her own Queen!

I've read some spoilers on her friendships and I'm so happy. I've no idea how it will go but it says to me that the IC have a block when it comes to Nesta and don't see her the way others do and Nesta opens up to people who don't have a predisposed prejudice.

Also the IC have no idea how Nesta is going to react at any stage. It's like walking around on eggshells. Why would anyone actively choose to be around someone like that. That and very obvious fact they are BUSY AF. They don't have time to have a daily bollicking from Nesta. Yet all fall in when the plan is announced. Make what you will of that.

Some further musings:

Nesta being reminded she has to be respectful to Clotho and the priestesses is sobering. Like wow, people can't trust you will have basic manners. Again I know this is Feyre saying it but Christ to worry about that. Will be interesting with Gwyn and that friendship and a nice reality check for the IC.

I spent 4 God damn books understanding Rhys motives. He's a prick yes. Which I enjoy. But the bastard people are making him out to be I don't agree. Half of Pyrethian hates/hated him, Nesta hating him won't stress him. Or her for that matter. They have a 2 people they both care about in common and will just have to deal.

Training in Illyria, well Nesta is powerful, training in the mountains is probably damage control if she explodes. And a change of scenery from her prison!

Rhys was controlled for 50 years, Amren escaped worlds to be free. I don't believe they want to control Nesta.

Families are messy and fucked up. The intervention is a perfect example of how arseways it can get.

Azriel being Azriel I'm not sure about anything with him right now. I've read the snippets and spoilers and I'm all over the place. He is one of my favourites. FYI when I say IC I never mean Azriel I don't know why but I always imagine he finds it just plain drama and avoids it at all costs. Nesta is drinking and gambling away her life. Okay! Nesta is now training and we are all on board to help. Okay! Nesta is a powerful Queen and we are all afraid. Okay! Nesta has turned Cassian into a drooling mess and hes ass is hers. Excellent ;)

Sisters! They need to deal and respect each others independence. They are all in the wrong. It's just annoying at this stage. Personally I'll rip into my sisters when I need to but usually get a red mist when anyone else does. Even if they are in the wrong. I have a habit of always defending them.

So overall the angst killed me in the first 6 chapters. Did Rhys dominant shite irritate me? Yes. Do I want Nesta to make it clear she's not a pawn in his/their world? Yes. In spectacular fashion please.

Did Feyre handle it well? No. Does she ever deal with Nesta well? No. Perhaps only when Nesta is more inclined to talk. Which is rare. The ultimatum we know from Cassian sickened Feyre she recognizes it for what it is it but really cannot see any other option. Her fault or a combination of factors you decide. It was hyper tense situation we all just wanted to get through.

Would we be so angry if this was a soft approach headed by Elaine/Feyre/Amren? Would Nesta even react?

Cassian compared Nesta to a sleeping dragon who has just been woken up. Nesta needed a kick in teeth. A major reality check. Life in Pyrethian is hard. This a fae world. She is angry and incensed they have dared to 'interfere' and 'assume' she will be controlled. I want her to tackle her demons, confront her fears her issues with herself and others and live! Live! I've no idea what she wants and can't wait to find out.

***I've read some spoilers on the end. The rumours and the actual basic plot ending. I'm like Mass I love a HEA. And am hopeful I'll be satisfied. I had a similar theory when I heard the pregnancy rumour. A move by Nesta that would never have anyone doubt her.

[chasholidays]

First of all, I'm weirdly proud of you for thinking of your mental health and changing the setup for holiday prompts! Anyway, I always love how you write Clarke and Miller's relationship and I would love to read a modern day Bellarke fic that focuses on Clarke and Miller being supportive friends who love each other but don't like to talk about it, but maybe they end up talking about it anyway? Besides it being modern day and focused on their friendship you have really free hands!

Like most friendly agreements, the dibs system wasn’t something Clarke and Nate ever sat down and ironed out, not really a formal thing. There is no list of rules and guidelines, no contract signed in blood.

All that happens is that a cute boy comes into auditions for the play in seventh grade, and Nate says, “Dibs.”

Clarke frowns. “On him?”

“Yup. He’s all mine.”

The confidence is just a little bit absurd. Not only is Nate twelve years old, skinny, and awkward, but they don’t even know if the guy likes guys. The idea that he’s going to, without a doubt, get this guy is pretty much ridiculous.

All of which Clarke could point out, but she doesn’t want to. Nate only just told her a few weeks ago that the thought he liked guys, and this part feels like a test, like Nate wants to see if Clarke believes him and accepts him.

“All yours,” Clarke agrees, and when, five weeks later, the boy tries to kiss her, Clarke says, “Sorry, you’re not my type.”

She doesn’t mention it to Nate for a long time, not until they’re at a party sophomore year and she sees a cute boy and says, “Hey, dibs.”

“What?”

“Dibs.”

“Who calls dibs? Are you twelve?”

“You called dibs. When we were twelve,” she has to admit. “You called dibs on Mark Talbot when we were doing the play and he kissed me and I didn’t kiss him back.”

“Huh,” says Nate. “Really?”

“Yup.”

“So really, you owe me. Mark Talbot’s a dick.”

This is true, but somewhat beside the point. “You still made dibs a thing, not me.”

“So what, now I’m supposed to not hit on that guy? Because you didn’t make out with a douchebag in seventh grade?”

“Well, not that douchebag.”

Nate snorts. “I forgot your taste in guys sucks. Fine, I won’t try to hit on him. He’s not even that cute.”

Up close, he’s definitely not that cute, and he’s not interested in Clarke, but the principle of the thing remains: Clarke called dibs, and Nate respected it, and now it’s a thing they’re both aware of.

It doesn’t always mean that they’re worried the other person will make a move; Clarke calls it on girls sometimes, and Nate calls it on guys he knows to be gay. It’s a declaration of interest, a request for backup, a silly tradition that grows over the years into a ritual. It doesn’t mean everything, but it means something, and something important.

And then, Nate calls dibs on Bellamy.

Which isn’t a big deal, all things considered. There’s definitely nothing wrong with it. Bellamy teaches Latin at the school where Clarke teaches art, and they’re friendly, verging on actually being friends. He and his roommates were having a party and he invited Clarke, who invited Nate. Nate hasn’t met Bellamy, so this is the first time calling dibs is an option, and now he has.

Clarke didn’t, so there’s no violation or anything. She’s had plenty of chances to call dibs on Bellamy and it never even occurred to her. She’s had two years of potential dibs and never took them.

“On Bellamy?”

“The one with the curly hair and the glasses, yeah.” Nate looks at her askance. “You said he’s bi, right?”

“He is, yeah.” Her brain finally gets with the program, and she smiles. “Honestly, you guys would probably be pretty great together.”

“You think?”

“You’re an asshole, he’s an asshole–”

“Wow, we already have so much in common.”

“And I’m pretty sure he’s single. Yeah, this one’s actually a good call.”

“Unlike my usual shitty taste?”

“Your exes have been a pretty mixed bag.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk.”

She grins. “Here’s hoping I develop good taste one day too.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Are you going to go talk to him?”

Nate takes a deliberate sip of his drink. “That’s not really in the spirit of dibs. It’s a long game. If I was going to hook up with him tonight, I wouldn’t need to call dibs. But I figure I’ll see him again sometime.”

“Oh good, I can’t wait to watch the train wreck of you seducing my coworker in real time.”

“You’re trying for sarcastic, but I know you’re actually looking forward to it. I can give you some tips.”

“I don’t need tips.”

“You’re just saying that because you haven’t seen me work yet.”

“I’ve seen you work enough to last me a lifetime.”

“Not since high school. I’ve gotten a lot better.”

That’s the other thing about the Bellamy dib, the thing that makes it feel more important than maybe it should. Clarke and Nate went to different colleges, in different time zones. They stayed in touch, of course, through Facebook and text messages, but this is their first time living in the same place full time for seven years, and the first time ever as adults. This is part of their new status quo, and Clarke doesn’t want to mess it up.

“Looking forward to it,” she says, with a smile.

She thinks she sounds pretty convincing.

*

Clarke and Bellamy weren’t instant friends when Clarke started teaching at Arcadia. The first time they met, Bellamy was disciplining some kids too harshly (in Clarke’s new and only semi-professional opinion) and while she hadn’t undermined him in front of the kids, she did take him aside after to gently point out that he was wrong.

Which he hadn’t been. Clarke can admit she was the asshole there, and Bellamy maybe knew his business better than she did.

Still, it was a hurdle that proved difficult to overcome on both sides. Clarke has never been good at admitting she’s wrong, and while Bellamy has since admitted that he got where she was coming from, he wasn’t particularly inclined to be the first to try to make amends. Given how stubborn both of them are, it probably could have gone on forever, but at the start of Clarke’s second year of teaching, they hired a new principal, who was and still is awful, and suddenly she and Bellamy had a common enemy. They found themselves on the same side of conversations in the staff room, working together to push back against shitty policies, and once that started, they realized how good they were at it and how much they actually did agree on a lot of things.

By the time Nate calls dibs on him, Bellamy is without doubt Clarke’s favorite coworker, which means the whole thing should, in theory, be a slam dunk. Nate and Bellamy seem like a good match, two of her favorite people in the world, and if they want to date, Clarke should be all for it. Clarke wants to be all for it. On paper, it makes so much sense.

Something about it bugs her, though, and she can’t figure out what. She’s probably being territorial toward one or both of them, worried that they won’t need her if they have each other, and that’s beyond shitty.

But she can get past it.

“You’re still single, right?”

It’s a week after the party, and if Nate has done anything to try to actually make a move on Bellamy, Clarke missed it. And, of course, he doesn’t have to do anything, there have been countless dibs that went nowhere, but it would really be a shame if nothing happened with him and Bellamy. A complete waste of dibs.

Bellamy looks up from the papers he’s grading with a small frown. “What?”

“You. Your dating status. Still single?”

“Still single. Why?”

As sad as it is, Clarke hadn’t really had a plan for this conversation past this point. She’s not really much of a matchmaker, and telling Bellamy that Nate likes him goes against the entire spirit of dibs. Her job here is to support Nate in his crush, not go out and make things happen herself.

Bellamy is still watching her, eyebrows raised, waiting for an explanation. “I saw you talking to that brunette at the party, I thought she might be a new girlfriend.”

“Oh, no. Ex-girlfriend, actually. But we broke up on good terms, so people make that mistake a lot.”

“I don’t understand how you’re on such good terms with all your exes,” she grumbles. “You broke up, it’s supposed to be bad!”

“No, breaking up is good. Staying together when you should break up is bad. Maybe this is your problem,” he teases.

“Shut up.”

He considers her. “What about the guy you brought? New boyfriend?”

At least he’s considerate enough to give her the perfect opening. “Him? No, that’s Nate.”

“He said his name was Miller.”

“He started going by his last name in high school because our class had like five Nates. But we’ve been friends since–I can’t even remember. Basically since birth.”

Bellamy snorts. “You would have a friend like that.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I picture your childhood as very idyllic, I guess. I moved around too much to keep any of the kids I knew growing up.”

“That happened with our other friend, Wells. We were all in the same carpool to pre-school–shut up,” she adds, before he can say anything, and he grins and holds his hands up. It is a cute story, he’s not wrong. “We were pretty much inseparable through elementary school, but then in sixth grade Wells’ dad got a job in Seattle and they moved, so it was just me and Nate. Not that we didn’t still talk to Wells, but it wasn’t the same.” She shrugs. “We went to different colleges, but he got a new job here, so here we are.”

“That’s awesome. It must be nice to have him around again.” He smirks. “You know, none of that is convincing me that he’s not going to be your new boyfriend. That sounds like some rom-com shit.”

“He’s gay.”

“Okay, never mind, yeah.”

“I’m going to try to bring him to stuff, though,” she says. “Maybe even organize stuff myself.”

Bellamy snorts. “Wow, drastic measures.”

“I could have parties, right? Or, like, game nights. Nate likes games, I have a pretty big apartment.”

“Is this you asking me if I’ll come to game nights at your apartment, the answer is yes. I’ll even give you some tips on how to act like you’re actually comfortable having people over.”

“It just gets messy,” she says, making a face. “I hate cleaning.”

“But you’re worried he won’t make any friends without your semi-competent help, so you’re willing to do it anyway?”

It’s a much safer explanation than the truth. “I know he didn’t just move here for me, but I was part of the reason. I don’t want him to regret it.”

Bellamy’s expression softens, the smile warming his whole face. “I get that, yeah. It looked like he was having fun at my party, so that’s a good start.”

“Yeah, I think he had a good time.” She tucks her hair back. “So, game nights?”

“Until you come up with something to do that doesn’t mess up your apartment, sure. Whatever it is, I’m in.”

Clarke smiles. “Cool, I’ll keep you posted.”

*

Despite the whole thing being for his benefit, Nate is less enthused about the game night idea.

“You need a good group dynamic for game night,” he explains. “I don’t know anyone well enough to be sure what kind of games would even be good. You’re over-competitive, that’s already a bad start.”

“I am not!”

“You hate losing.”

“Who likes losing?” she grumbles, and Nate smirks.

“This is what I’m saying.”

“I’m trying to help, you know.”

“Help with what, exactly?”

“Making friends? Hitting on my coworker? Settling into the city?”

Nate snorts. “Thanks, Mom. I can manage my own social life.” But his expression softens. “We should have auditions.”

“Auditions?”

“Don’t call it a game night until we know who we want to come. You don’t want to commit to a group. These are the kinds of things you’d know if you were a true gamer,” he adds.

“This is the kind of thing I don’t know because I got laid in college.”

“I got laid in college and I played board games. Which one of us is winning here?”

“Honestly, neither.”

He grins. “Yeah, that sounds right.”

“So, any of your new coworkers you think would be good for a board game night?”

“I think we can figure something out.”

Clarke invites Bellamy, Sinclair from the physics department, and Jasper from English. Bellamy brings (yet another) ex-girlfriend, Raven, who’s apparently a shark, and Jasper brings his friend Monty. Nate invites his coworkers Harper and Monroe, and they have what, in Clarke’s amateur opinion, is a pretty successful game night. Everyone seems to enjoy themselves, and no one gets too competitive, not even Clarke.

And, as a bonus, she manages to get Bellamy and Nate in the same pod for most of the games, and they seem to get along just as well as she thought they would.

Honestly, it’s one of her more successful plans, thus far. She could maybe be good at this.

“That was a good crew, right?” she asks Nate, once everyone else has cleared out. “Good attitudes.”

“Yeah, that actually worked out really well.” He leans against the counter, watching her. “You know you don’t have to do all this, right? Like, I’m an adult, I can make friends on my own. You’re not even that good at making friends. Blind leading the blind.”

“So I’m trying to help both of us. And it’s working so far, right?”

“One good game night,” he says. “Don’t get cocky.”

Clarke grins. “So, same time next week?”

“Yeah, can’t wait.”

*

The exact make-up of game night varies, depending on how busy everyone is. Clarke is the default host, but after a few weeks, it’s evolved beyond her. She has too much going on with grading and helping out with the junior fundraiser one week, so Bellamy agrees to have it at his place so Clarke won’t have as much on her place. Even Jasper’s friend Monty, who barely knows them, hosts one week, just because he loves games so much and is excited to finally have a group to play them with.

It takes about two months for things to go wrong, and when they do, it’s in the stupidest possible way. Nate’s usually the one to help Clarke with cleanup, but he has an early morning, so Bellamy volunteers to stick around instead.

“You know,” he observes, “I didn’t think this was going to work.”

“Which part?”

“The game night thing. I figured it would fall apart after a week or two, that’s how this always works. But I should have known you’re too stubborn to just give up. Is it working?”

“You just said it was working,” Clarke says, frowning at him.

“No, not that. You were trying to make friends for Miller. How’s that going?”

Clarke feels a flush race through her body, although she can’t figure out why. “You like him, right?”

“Yeah, he’s cool. Does he like sports?”

“Sports? Like, as a general concept?”

“I have some tickets to a baseball game,” he says, not looking at Clarke. “My sister got them and she can’t go, so she gave them to me. I thought maybe Miller might be interested. I assume you’re not,” he adds, an afterthought, and Clarke pastes on a smile.

“Yeah, definitely not. I don’t know anything about baseball. But Nate might be interested, yeah. You should ask him.”

“Cool, thanks. It seems like he’s getting along with everybody pretty well, so–seriously, I’m impressed.”

“I’m impressive.”

She makes it through the rest of the cleaning up without incident, sends Bellamy home, and then drops back against the door with a shaky exhale of breath. This was what she wanted; this was the whole point. Helping Nate make friends generally and with Bellamy specifically, and now Bellamy is asking him out. This is going better than Clarke could have imagined.

She takes a few deep breaths and calls Wells. He’s still on the west coast, so it’s not as late there, and he picks up right away.

“Hey, Clarke, what’s up?”

“I’m having a weird crisis.”

“Oh good, that sounds fun.” But she can hear the smile in his voice. “What’s the weird crisis?”

She exhales. “It’s complicated.”

“Will you quit stalling and just tell me already? It’s complicated and stupid and you’re embarrassed, I get it. I won’t judge you.”

“I just realized I have a thing for my coworker.”

“Bellamy?”

Her heart drops. “How did you know?”

“You talk about him a lot. I didn’t think you knew, if it helps. You’re kind of slow with this stuff.”

“That’s supposed to help?”

“So, you figured out you like him and now you’re panicking? That’s not that bad.”

“Nate likes him and I’ve been trying to set them up. And I just figured out I like Bellamy because he’s going to ask Nate out.”

“Huh,” says Wells, slow. “Okay, yeah, that’s worse than I was expecting.”

Clarke closes her eyes, sighing deeply. “I thought I was happy for him. I was happy for him. Nate said he had dibs and I thought–” She pauses, reconsiders. “I told myself I was good with it and I should make it happen, and now I did.”

“How much does Nate like him?”

It’s a good question to which Clarke doesn’t have a good answer. Nate called dibs, obviously, but it doesn’t feel as if he’s put a ton of effort into hanging out with Bellamy, not more than anyone else. They seem friendly, but Clarke wouldn’t know he had a crush if he hadn’t told her. He hasn’t mentioned it since that first night, and he hasn’t seemed to put together that the game nights were entirely for his benefit, with Bellamy.

“I don’t know. He just said–” She’s never explained the whole dibs thing to Wells, and saying it now feels juvenile. She’s twenty-five; she shouldn’t be having a meltdown like this over something that ambiguous. “He just said he liked him. It’s been a couple months now, he hasn’t mentioned it again.”

“So talk to him,” Wells says, logical as ever. “Tell him what’s going on. I’m not saying he’s going to just tell you to go for it, but you know the two of you need to have a conversation. And you knew I was going to tell you this too, so you knew what you were getting into calling me. Get it together, Griffin, and ovary up.”

“Thanks.”

“Seriously, he’s your best friend. Aside from yours truly. You can talk to him.”

“Yeah,” she says, with a sigh. “I can.”

*

The next day, she frets off and on about when to talk to Nate, but doing it after the baseball date just feels shitty, if she’s honest. If their positions were reversed, and she was going out with a guy Nate had realized he liked, she’d want to know about it as soon as possible, and definitely before the actual first date. Like Wells said, it wouldn’t necessarily change her plans, but she’d at least want to weigh Nate’s feelings against everything else. That’s what friends do, and it’s definitely what Nate is going to do.

So she asks if he wants to hang out the next night, and when he shows up, she just blurts it out: “I need to talk to you about Bellamy.”

Nate frowns. “What about Bellamy?”

“You know–” She exhales. It’s easy to talk to Wells about feelings stuff; Wells loves feelings. But she and Nate have never been good at that. “Okay, I know you like him. And I really wanted to support you, but–”

Nate holds up his hand. “Wait, what?”

“I was trying to help!”

For a second, his face is all confusion, but then his expression clears and he starts to laugh. “Jesus, you’ve been trying to set me up with Bellamy.”

“Of course I have! You said you liked him.”

“I did?”

“You called dibs! The first party, you saw him, and you said–”

“I wanted to hook up with him, I didn’t want to marry him. It’s not like I was real attached to the idea.”

Clarke opens and closes her mouth a few times, finally says, “Did you hook up with him?”

“No. He’s still hot, don’t get me wrong, but Monty’s more my type.”

“Monty?”

He scowls. “What’s wrong with Monty. He’s hot, he’s geeky, he’s not as fucking intense as you and Bellamy–”

“I didn’t mean it like–” She shakes her head. “Nothing against Monty, he’s great. I’ve just spend the last two months stressing about you and Bellamy.”

“You know I’m an adult, right? I can take care of myself. I don’t need you managing my social life or my love life.”

“I know.” She rubs her face, gives him a sheepish smile. “Bellamy’s going to ask you to go to a baseball game. He told me that and I had kind of a breakdown because I thought you guys were going to be–this whole happily ever after love story. And I might have just realized a thing for him.”

“Jesus Christ, Griffin.” He puts his arm around her and squeezes. “You never thought about just asking me?”

“I was telling myself I was happy for you!”

“Just saying, five minutes’ conversation and this would have been all set. Even if I liked him, I wouldn’t have–”

“You would have told me to go for it, just like I was telling you to go for it. I thought–you called dibs! It wasn’t ambiguous.”

“Yeah, but it’s not a blood pact.” He pauses, studying her for a long moment. “If you ever called dibs on a guy I really liked, I would have just told you.”

“You’re a lot more in touch with your feelings than I am. I was still in denial.”

“Yeah, you’re a disaster. So, he’s going to ask me out?”

“To a baseball game. I don’t even know if it’s a date, he was being pretty casual about it. Fuck,” she says. “If he’s into you–”

“I’ll let him down easy. But I haven’t really gotten that vibe from him. Honestly, if you asked me? I’d say he’s into you. He’s always looking for an excuse to hang out with you more, and half the time when I’m talking to him, we’re talking about you.” He grins. “If he still wants to take me to the baseball game as friends, I can feel him out for you.”

She sighs. “I don’t know, I was thinking I could just talk to him.”

“Really?”

“It really does clear things up fast.” She smiles. “If you liked him, I’d step aside. Really. I wasn’t going to ask you to give him up or anything. That’s not why–”

“I know you’ve got my back. And I’ve got yours. Let me know if you need anything.”

“And if you need help with Monty–”

He smirks. “You know, I think you’ve done enough. I’ve got it from here.”

“Good. I’m rooting for you.”

He presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Right back at you.”

*

She waits until all the students have cleared out the next afternoon and then goes to find him in his room. He likes to grade until dinner time, a tradition Clarke finds baffling, but he claims it helps with work/life balance, and it does make him easy to find. She’d like to say she’s only a little nervous, but that’s a lie. She’s had a very intense week of feelings, and she’s looking forward to just having it done with, but she’s also kind of dying.

So it’s time to clear everything up.

“Hey,” she says, knocking on his door jamb. “Got a second?”

“Yeah, what’s up? You’re here late.”

She closes the door behind her as she enters the classroom, props herself up on the table across from his desk. It’s her first time alone with him since she realized how she felt and she’s hyper aware of everything about him. She can’t believe it took her this long to realize how she felt. It feels so stupidly obvious.

“Yeah, I was waiting for everyone to clear out.”

He frowns. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. It’s–honestly, it’s kind of ridiculous. Are you asking Nate to go to that game?”

“One of my students might want to buy the tickets, I’m waiting to see if he actually comes up with the money. Why?”

“Was it going to be a date?”

The blood drains from his face. “What? Fuck, no, I–did he think that? I didn’t think–”

She starts to laugh. “No, I’m pretty sure I had this whole weird narrative built up in my head and no one but me knew about it.”

“The narrative where I want to date your best friend?”

“And he wants to date you.”

“Does he want to date me?”

“No, he doesn’t. No one thought that but me. And I’ve been kind of–” She shrugs. “It’s been a weird couple months.”

“I still feel like I’m missing something,” he says, almost reluctantly. Like he’s disappointed with himself for not getting it.

It’s not his fault, of course. She exhales, makes herself look at him. “I was kind of freaking out about it. Because–I’m interested in you. Which doesn’t have to be a thing, but after this week I feel like direct communication is my friend. So–do you want to get dinner sometime?”

He blinks a few times, processing the information. It’s clearly nothing he was expecting, probably nothing that ever occurred to him, and now he’s trying to figure out how to let her down easy, how to–

“Fuck, I didn’t think I had a chance,” he says, face breaking out into a huge grin. He crosses the room and cups her face, kissing her so she can taste the smile too. “No wonder I was getting such weird signals,” he teases.

Clarke grins too. “I’m not very good with feelings.”

“Not so much.” He leans down for another kiss. “So, dinner?”

“It’s a date.”

*

Two weeks later, they end up on a double date with Nate, who’s up to date on Clarke’s incompetence, and Monty, who wants to hear the whole story.

“I don’t know if we should really be talking about how I wanted to fuck Bellamy,” Nate teases.

Monty waves his hand. “It’s fine, Bellamy’s hot, everyone wants to fuck him. We just accept that.”

“Thanks,” says Bellamy. “I think.”

Clarke smiles. “It was really a simple misunderstanding. Nate and I didn’t formalize the dibs system, so I thought he was saying I want that guy and you can never go for him–”

“And I was a little drunk and thought Bellamy was hot. I forgot about it by the next day.”

“I probably would have too,” Clarke protests. “Except that I was trying really hard to be supportive.”

“Heavily in denial,” Nate says, winking at her, and Clarke kicks him under the table. Just a little.

“Hey, I’m not complaining. I got a girlfriend and I found out everyone wants to fuck me. This worked out great for me.”

“Yeah,” Nate agrees. “Good job with the matchmaking, Clarke. You nailed it.”

He waits until Bellamy and Monty have gone for another round of drinks to add, “I think we should retire the dibs thing.”

“You think?”

“It was confusing. And I’m hoping we don’t need it anymore.”

Clarke smiles, raises the dregs of her drink for him to clink his glass. “Yeah,” she agrees. “I think we’re all set.”

[eienvine]

Because the world needs more Orville fanworks

So is anyone watching The Orville? And if so, can we talk about Kelly and Ed? I haven't even made up my mind whether I like the show yet, but I already ship those two SO HARD. (Is their ship name Mercson? Is that the plan?) Anyway this ficlet popped into my head and demanded to be written, and since I am feeling too lazy at the moment to get The Orville added as a category on AO3, I thought I’d put it on my old friend The Tumblr. Just a short and (bitter)sweet little moment between the captain and the XO.

Rating: K

Pairing: Kelly Grayson/Ed Mercer (Mercson, I believe?)

“So what’s the deal with Alara?”

Kelly looks up from her lunch as Ed walks into her office and drops into the seat in front of her desk. “What do you mean?” she asks, although deep down she suspects she knows.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs as he casually reaches out and steals one of the cherry tomatoes off her plate. The move takes her back a year and a half and more, to a thousand meals just like this: the pair of them together, chatting casually over the table, with Ed eating her tomatoes because he knows she doesn’t like them. The thought gives her a pang of nostalgia that she violently shoves back into its usual deep dark corner of her heart. “She’s been kind of weird,” he explains after a moment’s thought. “Sort of jumpy and on edge, almost . . . nervous, you know what I’m saying?”

Yes, Kelly knows exactly what he’s saying, and she wonders how to respond. Alara is her friend, and she doesn’t want to embarrass her. To answer truthfully would feel like betraying a confidence, even though Alara hasn’t actually told her anything; what Kelly knows is the result of observation, not confession.

But on the other hand, Ed is her captain, and if she has information about a personnel issue that could affect how the senior officers interact with each other, maybe she should say something. Imagine if it led to sloppy behavior on a mission, or in a landing party: the results could be disastrous.

(And on a third hand, he���s more than her captain. Alara might be a friend but Ed is . . . well, she has no idea what she and Ed are to each other, but she knows that whatever it is, it’s strong, stronger than her friendship with Alara. It has not escaped her wry, resigned notice that even now, sixteen months after the divorce, Ed is still the most significant relationship in her life.)

“I’m just worried, I guess,” Ed is continuing. “Those could be indicators of stress. Are we overworking her? I know she’s well trained, and she’s strong as an ox, but she’s still so green; twenty-three is pretty young to be a chief security officer. Should I lessen her hours until she’s feeling better?”

“Don’t do that,” Kelly says immediately. She doesn’t want to undermine the tenuous respect that Alara is starting to command among the crew, especially not when stress and overworking are not actually what’s ailing the young Xelayan. “It’s just . . .” How to put this in a way that won’t embarrass her young friend? “It’s being around you, to be honest. She’s kind of got a little hero-worship thing going on.” That’s essentially the truth, anyway.

Ed’s eyebrows raise in surprise.

“It’s actually really normal for young recruits to develop that kind of admiration for their commanding officers,” she says. “I mean, you remember the first captain I served under, Captain Cardaleer? I followed him around with stars in my eyes for the first six months. I actually used to take notes on all his crew-wide debriefings.”

“I see,” says Ed with understanding in his face. Too much understanding, actually; she can see at a glance that he heard all the things that she carefully didn’t say. So much for discretion. She never could hide much from Ed . . . except the affair, of course. “You mean she’s got a little bit of a–yeah, in retrospect, that actually explains a lot. So what should I do?”

“Don’t do anything,” she says immediately. “If you say anything you’ll just embarrass her. Give her a few months and it’ll wear off; she’ll find someone new to admire.” It occurs to her, not for the first time, how lucky she is to be serving under Ed; she can only imagine what her previous captain would have done with the fact that one of his young underlings was harboring a crush on him. An XO shouldn’t have to spend half her time comforting heartbroken crew members and trying to keep her captain from causing an HR nightmare.

But Ed wouldn’t do that–not with a subordinate, especially one who is so young and so new to the Union. He’s got his faults, but deep down, he’s a good guy. Always was, always will be.

Kelly goes on. “She’s smart, and a good officer; I don’t think you have to worry about getting any love letters or anything.”

He gives her that little smile of his, the one that just sort of beams at her like she’s done something wonderful, the one that used to be exclusively hers, the one that she’s never been able to resist. “If you say so, Kel. I trust you.” He grabs another of her tomatoes. “What’s the deal with that, though? I thought she’d been dating some guys on the ship. None of those worked out?”

She shrugs. “Apparently most of the guys she’s tried to date on the ship have been really put off by the fact that she’s stronger than them.” She hesitates, then adds, “I think that’s one thing Alara likes about you. You see her strength as something to be admired, not something she should be ashamed of.”

He chuckles and leans back in his chair. “I didn’t do it to get her to fall for me, but I do stand by that attitude. It’s one of the things that makes her awesome.”

Kelly laughs and rolls her eyes. “I wish more guys felt that way. And not just about strength. Some males can be really threatened by female competence.”

Ed snorts. “Which I’ve never understood What’s the appeal in being with someone who needs you to do everything for them? I always find competence sexy. I mean, that’s why I first asked you . . . out . . .” He trails off, wincing a little, and fixes his gaze on something on the wall behind her.

They’ve gotten better about not bringing up their past; some days she can pretend that they’ve never been anything except professional colleagues. It’s probably better that way. And in that spirit, she should drop this, she really should. But her mouth doesn’t listen to her brain. “Really? That was what you liked about me?”

He meets her eyes then, grinning a little shyly. “Well, yeah. You remember that hand-to-hand combat class we had? You kicked my butt; I was sore for days. And you were so good that I just thought, ‘I need to know that girl.’”

This is the most they’ve talked about their romantic history since they were trapped in that Calivon zoo. And maybe it has Ed feeling a little vulnerable too, because he clearly feels the need to break the silence with a joke. “You know, I just said something really nice about you. You should return the favor. My ego needs some stroking.”

She laughs aloud at that. “All right,” she says, and thinks back to those early days at Union Point, when she first started noticing her over-eager, over-optimistic, over-sincere classmate with the warm brown eyes. Then, ignoring the little pang in her chest: “The first thing I noticed about you . . . well, I mean, you were such a hard worker, and so smart; we all knew you’d do great things. But what I liked about you was how you wanted to believe the best of everything and everyone. You weren’t naive, you just preferred . . . to hope for the best. I’d always been so relentlessly practical, so to be around your optimism was, I don’t know. Nice.”

Optimism you took from him, says a voice in her head that she’s mostly managed to keep quiet the last few months. She hates herself for cheating because she lost Ed, but she also hates herself for cheating because she made Ed lose his way, as well as his hopeful outlook on life. And his ability to trust others, adds the voice, and she savagely tells it to shut up because if she starts down that path of self-flagellation, she’s going to be in a bad mood all day.

Ed is nodding thoughtfully. “It’s not as cool as beating people up, but I’ll take it.”

She chuckles, and he slaps his hands down on his knees in a final sort of way. “So, do nothing? That’s your advice?” She nods and he smiles. “You always have been better at solving my problems than I have,” he says–something that’s become a bit of a joke between them ever since the first time he said it, after their first mission together on the Orville.

“That’s why they pay me the big bucks,” she says–another joke between them, from long ago.

There’s that little smile again, the one that–yes, she admits it–has her heart rate subtly accelerating. “Thanks, Kel,” he says, and rises from his chair, and leaves the office.

And Kelly sits quietly at her desk, her eyes fixed on her office door, for a long time after he’s gone.