#and then get like 10 results back that were all “you are sooo normal you have the normalest blood we have ever seen” | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ckjbun · 2 years

Text

Kinda an important notice ...

Hey y'all! I haven't been on here much for the past several months, not sure if you even remember me lol

But yeah, if you do, I've got some things to say...

You don't have to read all of this, there is a TLDR at the end but I just want to use my blog to vent.

Sooo ... In the last few months, my health was slowly getting worse and worse. It started with a blister-like rash on my hands. At that time, I was working in the lab wearing gloves. So I thought maybe it was due to the friction of the gloves on my skin when opening bottles (I had to open a lot of bottles which were under high pressure).

After a while, I became more and more listless, I had no motivation to do the things I used to love like cooking or writing theories. I didn't feel like keeping up with any manga etc.

And then pain started to set in. At the beginning, it was only in the morning. Pain in my joints of my hands. But I ignored it because I had this pain yearly and my doctor always said, "It's probably nothing. You're too young." He was referring to me being too young for rheumatic problems.

I noticed how I started to have problems with concentrating. I started to forget things easily. I started to struggle with expressing myself or with remembering what I was gonna say or do. Much more than usually.

The pain didn't stop with my hands. It spread into my arm muscles and my legs and hips slowly became more and more stiff. It was getting harder for me to stand up.

I still ignored it because "I had no time". I was stressed because of my studies. I had to work on my bachelor thesis and exams. And since my ability to focus declined, I was getting more stressed because I wasn't able to study. I spent days scrolling on social media without taking in any information. With each day not studying, I had even "less time". So I told myself that I will deal with this pain after my exams.

Yeah, I know, stupid right?

The pain peaked after my exams. My whole body was in pain. I was unable to get up from my bed. Every little wiggle of my finger hurt. Every attempt to bend my knees shot me to hell.

I know, it sounds like I'm exaggerating. And maybe I am. But at that moment, I genuinely felt like I would die if I moved.

And then .. it got better!!

The pain lessened. I was able to move. I was overjoyed. I thought I had juvenile arthritis (simply said chronic joint pain due to inflammation). But if my symptoms are getting better without treatment, it's a good sign, right? Right????

Yeahhhh, nope. All the pain suddenly came back two weeks after it was getting better.

And so cold. I was so cold everyday.

So yeah, I spent the last month or more getting sent from one doctor to another. Taking blood and urine tests here and there. Going to the emergency. Taking x-rays and body scans. More blood tests. Trying to figure out what was wrong with my body.

The first time one of the doctors told me something about the test results was on March the 1st, after my first day of work at my internship.

"You have an autoimmune disease."

Yeah, I suspected that.

"It might be Lupus erythematodes."

...

A vague memory of a celebrity announcing they had Lupus surfaced.

Lupus ... a wolf, my latin brain thought.

Of course, I googled it.

"95% of the people with this disease survive the first 5 years. 85% survive the first 10 years."

What about 20 years?? Does everyone die off after the first 10 years???

More google searches.

"Most patients have an almost normal life span."

Relief.

"As long as it doesn't attack your organs."

Panic.

At that time, I had lower back pain for two weeks. Right where the kidneys are. Additionally, I felt a weird pain a little bit above my left chest and in my stomach area.

I might wanna explain more what systemic Lupus erythematodes is. But it's complicated because every patient can have different symptoms and I'm still learning about this disease.

But what it basically does is inflame and cause pain to your organs. Most commonly it affects your joints and skin. If your internal organs are affected, it gets complicated. Even deadly, if it is your kidneys. It can basically inflame any part of your body that's why the symptoms are so versatile.

Often the inflammation occurs in "batches". Inbetween these flare ups of pain, you might have no symptoms at all. In my case, I still have morning stiffness and pain in my hand joints. I also don't have strength in my hands.

What causes these flare ups? UV-light, stress, infections can be very dangerous and probably a few more things I forgot.

But most importantly, most of the patients have a limited "energy reserve". Every, and I mean literally e v e r y activity requires a lot of energy. Normally, I can't remove my blankets on my own because they feel too heavy. So my mom wakes up every morning to help me get up and wear socks.

The thing is, if I overuse my energy, I won't pass out but rather draw from tomorrow's energy reserve. But what happens in the next few days is another flare up of pain. So I have to be very careful.

Fast forward to last week, I finally got the official diagnosis.

Last July, I was in Rome, walking kilometres and climbing stairs up and down the whole day. No big issues except for tired feet.

Now, I'm already exhausted before I even leave the house for work.

It hurts. It hurts me and it hurts my family to see me like this. My family is super supportive. They do so much for me like washing my feet, massaging me etc. All the things that seemed so easily done, suddenly required so much energy. Especially my mom helps me a lot. And I feel so bad because she's not getting younger and I know she has health issues too. I know she's pushing herself.

Most of my friends and relatives keep their distance because they don't want to upset me. But I actually just want one shoulder to cry on. Because I don't want to cry in front of my mom any more. I know it hurts her. So so much.

So yeah, I wanted to tell y'all why I was absent and I will continue to be so. I want to focus on my health and try implementing life style habits that lessen the pain. Not sure when and if I'm coming back.

I've read that for some women it got better with age, so let's hope I'm one of them. I will start medication soon, so let's hope that it will help me and not affect me negatively. Let's hope I will regain the strength to do the things I used to love.

And most importantly, I hope my family stays alright.

Disclaimer: I'm sorry, if I got any medical facts wrong. As I said, I'm still learning about it and there is so much info. I'd be happy if you could correct me. Thanks.

TLDR;

My health declined over the last months. I've been diagnosed with a very rare autoimmune disease. Since I was in a lot of pain, I wasn't online much and I will continue not to be. I want to focus on my health. Currently, there is no cure but maybe I can lessen the symptoms by implementing healthy habits.

TLDR END;

If you read all of this, thank you so so much. It means a lot to me that you gave me some of your time to listen to me <3 but I totally understand if you didn't!!

I'm very grateful to have found this community. The tumblr side of bsd has helped me so much during this pandemic. I'm very thankful for the people I met on here last year. I really hope that life has good things for you and that you stay healthy. I'm sending much love to y'all.

Especially my mutuals. I'm sorry that I haven't interacted with y'all for such a long time. But you really made my last year so much better and I'm grateful for that. I hope you guys are alright.

@n1kolaiz @right-on-the-money @samsa19 @banunuisthebest @elk208 @everyonesfavoritebastard @chazukekani @atalina-falling @emmacifer @pompompurin1028 @agni-skies @justanotherdamnedweeb @boredotaku567 @tunamayuuu

I feel like I'm missing one or two people. I'm really sorry if I forgot you. My memory has gotten worse.

Take care everyone! Maybe I will scroll through my tumblr once in a while and interact with your posts. But yeah, please stay safe!

#personal #long post #not bsd

47 notes · View notes

gladerwolfstarkimagines · 3 years

Text

Imagine Huan Beifong standing up to Bataar jnr for you

Your POV

You’d worked for the Beifongs for 3 years now. You’d become a fighter like your idol Su as soon as you were old enough but had been Opal’s best friend for far longer than that. As a result you were viewed as less of an employee but more of an extended family member. Well at least by most of the Beifongs...Opal, Huan, Wei and Wing never treated you like their staff but the same couldn’t be said for the eldest Beifong. Bataar junior’s demeanour had never been warm to you but the second you became a soldier his attitude to you took a turn for the worse. He definitely stopped seeing you as a family friend and instead viewed you as someone with a duty to his family. You found it ironic considering he was dating Kuvira, the head of his mother’s guards, but Opal claimed her brother’s stupidity had no bounds. It didn’t bother you that Bataar clearly had a problem with you but it did make it awkward sometimes. Like when you were technically off duty but Bataar still wanted you to use your guard perks to reactivate the domes. You were relaxing in the living room with Opal and her siblings when Bataar had burst in demanding you go and give the orders for the domes to be activated without his mother’s return. Su had been away in republic city and was due back tonight but she hadn’t returned. Bataar was concerned at the city’s defence but rather than going to find a guard on duty he found you and gave you the demand. It would be easiest and quickest he claimed. You looked at the rain pouring down outside and frowned. You’d just worked a 10 hour shift and were looking forward to a games night followed by a very long sleep but Bataar wanted you to traipse across to the guards tower to activate something you probably didn’t need. “Ah come on Bataar leave it” Wing called and Wei nodded “yeah y/n doesn’t need to do that”. “Yes she does, have you forgotten she works for us?”. “Not for us” Huan said sharply and you all jumped forgetting the second eldest Beifong was sat in the corner reading.

Huan was never someone to shy away from an argument partly due to his short temper but when he did it was usually always in relation to him. Someone would question his art or hair and he’d snap back in the name of self-preservation. He never bothered with other people or their arguments which is why when he spoke up you all stared at him in shock.

"Y/n is a part of mother’s guard not yours" Huan said. He spoke softly but with a distinct and clear tone, it was impressive how he didn’t even have to raise his voice to be imposing. "Don't order her around like that" Huan finished glaring at his brother. All his siblings froze as did you and Bataar. Bataar immediately blushed as all his siblings looked at him and he coughed coming closer to Huan "i am the eldest and so in mother’s absence i can give orders to the staff". "No you can’t, you're not y/n’s boss so stop pretending you are just so you can feel important, y/n doesn't have to do anything you say". "When mother isn’t here her responsibilities....". "Are hers" Huan said standing up "you do not pay y/n’s salary, mother does. So you don’t get to tell her what to do, you want the domes putting? Do it yourself". Huan and Bataar shared at each other before finally Bataar admitted defeat to his younger brother. "Fine" he snapped "if she refuses then i will" and he grabbed his coat before slamming the door loudly. You all stared at Huan expecting him to comment or say something but he just went back to his seat in the corner. Wei, Wing and Opal all exchanged looks with you but Huan sat back down and picked up his book again as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

As soon as you retired to Opal’s bedroom to go to sleep she pounced. "Sooooo" Opal sang "now we can finally talk about what just happened?”. You’d been dreading this. Opal was your best friend and so could always tell when you were lying or embarrassed. "Huan?" you asked figuring there was no getting out of it and Opal nodded "it was insane right? I have never heard him stand up for someone like that!". You nodded your head "Bataar must really be pissing him off lately". "Yeah that could be part of it" Opal smirked and you sighed "Opal no!". Opal had this theory Huan had a soft spot for you and it had made you develop a crush on the metal bender over the years. He was so dignified and impressive the idea of him even paying attention to you...well lets just say it was a miracle Opal hadn’t realised. "Yes" Opal grinned "come on y/n that was a pretty open display of affection". "Or an open display of contempt for his brother?". "No he’s had plenty of opportunities to attack Bataar but he chose the one involving you, that’s important". You rolled your eyes "well i don’t think it does". "Well i think it does and so does Wei and Wing". "You spoke to them about it?". "Duh! As soon as you went to the bathroom". "But Opal your brothers are the biggest blabbermouths in all of Zafou! They’ll tell Huan and then it'll make things awkward and Huan will never speak to me again!". “Calm down I swore them to secrecy, they promised me they wouldn’t say anything”. You raised an eyebrow and Opal smirked “well they’ll try not to....either way it’s out of your control so shut up and go to sleep”. You sighed angrily but were indeed tired so you buried your head in the pillow “if they do i’ll blame you”. “Yeah yeah whatever go to sleep”.

Huan’s POV

The following morning Huan found himself doing something he never did, leaving the sanctity of his workspace and going for a walk. Huan needed some inspiration and thought a trip around the grounds might help so he took a stroll around. Huan hated the outdoors and soon remembered why...other humans were there.

"Sooo that thing last night" Wing appeared from nowhere smirking. Huan jumped as his twin brothers descended on either side of him and he frowned "what? A lot of things happened last night". "You and y/n of course" Wei grinned "so how long have you two been an item". Huan jumped "what? Me and y/n aren’t anything! What are you talking about?". "Well you defended her honour so valiantly we figured you were either dating or crushing on her". Huan glared "it’s neither, Bataar was being rude to her so i put him in his place, that was all". "See but that’s the thing" Wing said grabbing him to stop him leaving "you never do that, Opal and Kuvira bicker all the time and you never step in when both of them could do with a putting down from time to time". "Or mum, or dad or even us" Wei nodded "you always stay out of it because you’re the unbothered child who doesn’t care about anything but y/n...something about her made you speak up". Huan groaned rolling his eyes "you are reading way too much into this, why wouldn’t someone speak up for y/n, she’s been Opal’s best friend for so long she’s basically family". "But you never speak up for Opal or us come to think of it" Wing said getting angry. "So" Wei said taking over "you didn’t stand up for her because she’s Opal best friend but because you likeeee her" he grinned and Huan sighed. "Whatever" and he pushed his brothers off him "you’re crazy" but they both saw the red of his cheeks.

Your POV

"Y/n!" you heard someone scream and jumped to see Wei and Wing running up to you at the guard post where you stood. "Opal told us you’d be here" they said out of breath "we have to tell you something!". "Okay go on". "No in private" they said eyeing your co-guard with suspicion. You frowned "erm can you please scan the perimeter?". Your fellow guard nodded and Wei and Wing grabbed you "y/n you’ll never guess what....Huan likes you!". You blushed immediately "what...no he doesn’t, what are you talking about!". "We spoke to him about you and he blushed just as adorably as you" Wei teased and you glared raising a fist. "He did" Wing said intervening "albeit less tomato like but he blushed none the less". You paused "really? Well i mean he could just be embarrassed...". "Nope and we have proof" Wei smirked and you crossed your arms "ow yeah? What?". "He’s over there watching us right now" and you turned to see a figure looking out from a window.

Huan’s POV

Huan jumped from the window like he’d been scalded. His cursed brothers! Why were they determined to ruin his life. They planted the seed in his head then created a trap for him. He’d been watching you because he’d heard people yelling your name and grew worried when he realised it was his brothers. True he did carry on watching, curious at your reaction to what he knew his brothers were telling you. He was amused when your first instinct was to hit his brothers and he realised you had that in common. Huan did find you...amicable as humans went. Well more than amicable, you were one of the few people he didn’t mind being in a room with. You weren’t loud or obnoxious, you were dedicated and hard working but he’d also heard you with Opal and knew you were excitable and kind. You hadn’t even minded when Opal’s sky bison had licked you which Huan figured made you a very tolerable person. Huan had a slight smile on his face when his brothers said something and you all turned to look at him. Huan darted away from the window and flattened himself against the wall. His heart was racing and he could tell his face was bright red. Huan figured this was Wei and Wing’s (no doubt Opal was also involved) meddling way to get the two of you to interact and Huan hated how well it had worked.

He expected you’d get curious now Wei and Wing had exposed him and he waited for you to appear for the awkward conversation but you never approached him. When by the end of the week you still hadn’t mentioned it Huan was confused. He figured you’d have believed his brothers and come to see for yourself the truth. Instead you carried on as normal and your behaviour towards him didn’t change in the slightest. Even tonight during your weekly sleepover with Opal, Huan bumped into you in the kitchen and still you said nothing. The two of you were alone, it would've been easy for you to comment on it but you didn’t. You’d just explained you were getting a snack for opal and yourself, apologised for disturbing him and left. Huan was utterly confused and also disappointed. Weren't you curious about what his brothers had said? He knew if the roles were reversed...he’d definitely be curious and even a little hopeful?

Huan hated not knowing things so he decided to find out what was going on. You were over at their house again and were with Opal in her room. Huan waited for you to go to the bathroom before he began his interrogation of Opal. He opened her door sharply and stepped inside. "Okay we don’t have a lot of time but quickly, has y/n said anything about what Wei and Wing did earlier this week?". Opal jumped but responded quickly "no and that surprised me, she was worried Wei and Wing would harass you but when I asked her about what they said to her on guard duty she said it was fine". "Fine?" Huan asked "but they....they schemed to make me look suspicious, y/n didn’t comment on that?". Opal shook her head "no, she must’ve not bought it". "Ow" Huan frowned and Opal smiled "ow?". "I just thought....after all that trouble i’d have to talk to her about it but i guess y/n’s smart enough to not read into it". Opal’s smile grew "you could still talk to her about it, i’m sure she’d want to talk to you". Huan froze "she would, why?". "Well communication is always nice plus and she’d kill me for telling you this but she likes you". Huan frowned "she does? Why? How do you know?". "Why? I honestly don’t know" Opal smirked "but how do I know? Well i’m her best friend and for about 2 years now anytime i bring you up she pauses and goes all weird...kind of like you right now...she thinks she has me fooled but I can see right through her and she has a thing for you". "Wow...i guess you’d know being her best friend but are you 100% sure?". Opal nodded "i’m certain". Huan paused wondering how to proceed when suddenly the door opened. "Sorry i was a while, Wei was in there before me and it wasn’t pretty" before you spotted Huan and jumped "ow! Huan! Hi" you smiled politely and Huan replied just as polite and formally making Opal grin. "Huan was here for you actually, he just wanted a word about Wing and Wei so i’ll go get us some drinks and be back in like 10 minutes, okay?". But Opal didn’t give you time to reply before she was gone leaving the two of you alone.

Your POV

You and Huan stood across from each other awkwardly and you smiled “so what did you want to tell me about Wing and Wei?” "Well I just wanted to...to ask you...you’ve probably noticed they’ve been pretty excitable lately". You smiled "that’s one way to put it, downright nuisances is another". Huan smiled and nodded "i agree totally i just wanted to make sure they’re not...annoying you too much? I saw them disturb you at work earlier in the week". You laughed "they’re annoying but harmless really, rather like large puppies i just let whatever they say go in one ear and out the other, don’t worry they don’t bother me". Huan nodded unsure what else to say when you spoke again "do they bother you? I've heard they've been stalking you". Huan sighed "yes they've been my shadow for a while, nothing i can say will make them go away". You frowned in thought "i don’t know what to suggest". "I’m not asking you for a solution" Huan rushed to assure you "i was just making sure you’re okay...with them". "That’s kind of you thank you" you replied and saw Huan look down sharply. You watched him and carried on "i should probably say thank you for the other night too, for standing up to Bataar for me". Huan nodded his head but could barely met your eyes "it was nothing". "No it was really nice and kind! Coming from you as well it meant a lot". "Coming from me?" Huan asked unsure if that was a compliment and you hurried to explain "i just meant because you never really get involved in things so for you to be the one to speak up...." now you were the one struggling to meet his eyes "it meant a lot". Huan paused utterly confused how to proceed. He liked that you seemed to really like his standing up for you but had no idea how to lead that into something more. "Well i...you're a good person and my sisters best friend i...of course i’d help you". You smiled "well it was very kind thank you Huan" and rested a hand on his shoulder. Huan glanced at your hand and you removed it rapidly "sorry i forgot you don’t like touching!". "No it’s alright" Huan went to explain when there was a knock and Opal appeared "hey do you need me to come back in a bit?" she asked but Huan straightened and stepped away from you "no everything is sorted thank you. So i’ll be leaving good night" he nodded to both of you and left. You nodded to him managing not to blush and relaxed as the door closed. "Soooooo" Opal started and you sighed "don’t".

You had no idea what to make out of Huan actually seeking you out for a conversation and wondered if Opal had been right this whole time. You wished Huan would just tell you or ask you out but knew there was no way he’d do something so open or reckless. You could ask him out but you worried that you’d misinterpreted his actions and would make it awkward. Not to mention you literally worked for his family. So you decided to leave it and try not to think about it but another Beifong wasn’t thinking that way.

Huan’s POV

Even since that night Huan challenged him Bataar had been short tempered and extra rude to everyone but to Huan especially. Huan didn’t really care, he never listened to Bataar anyway but he did notice how Bataar would go out of his way to annoy his siblings in front of Huan and it was getting on his nerves. The worst times were when you were there too. Bataar seemed determined to remind everyone he was the eldest, the one with the most trust and responsibility, and did that by snapping or undermining you. It was usually just petty childish quips so Huan left it, until one night Bataar went too far.

It was a Friday and so you were off duty and with the Beifongs like all Friday nights. Everyone was getting ready for something Varick invented called a mover that Wei and Wing managed to steal from his room. You were five minutes into said mover when the door opened flooding the room with light and ruining the projection. Everyone called out protests but Bataar just hushed them “y/n Kuvira needs you to help her with some paperwork”. “She’s off duty” Huan said automatically and you looked at him before looking back at Bataar. “I know that but this is urgent avatar business, now do you want to be a soldier or do you want to act like a child your whole life?” Bataar asked. You sighed looking at the stack of papers but stood up “you guys carry on i’ll be back as soon as I can”. Wei paused the film and Opal switched on the light “it’s okay we can wait” Wing told you and you smiled gratefully. “I'll be as quick as I can” you told them and settled at the table as Bataar threw the paperwork down pointedly. “Kuvira wants you to find a missing report from last week, it’s somewhere in all here”. “How is that crucial?” Huan asked and Bataar rolled his eyes “because that is when the red lotus broke in to Zafou and they either had help or someone dropped the ball, the report will tell us that”. “How about we all help?” Wei called and Wing nodded “yeah then we’ll find it quicker”. “Nope none of you are cleared for this only y/n” Bataar said smugly and you sighed but turned to the stacks of paper.

An hour later you were three quarters of the way through the stack and still no report was in sight. “If it’s not in there then Kuvira has more paperwork you can look through” Bataar told you “but this was the small pile” and you could’ve sworn he smiled as he said that. “You have to be kidding?” Huan cried and Bataar turned around “why would I be kidding? Unlike all you children I actually care about Zafou. You tried to shoot Huan an *this is okay* look but weren’t sure if it correlated. “We all care about Zafou Bataar but if she hasn’t found it by now do you really think she will? The person who allowed the red lotus to break in probably disposed of it immediately or maybe it was just lost" Huan shrugged and Bataar glared. "I’m sorry brother but did i ask for your opinion?". "No hence why you’re acting so stupidly, you tend to do that unsupervised" Huan rolled his eyes. Wei laughed and Bataar glared. "Kuvira is on duty tonight and this is what she wants y/n to do urgently". "But y/n isn’t on duty so she doesn’t have to do it!" Huan said and you saw him getting angry. "Huan it’s okay" you said softly but he shook his head coming to stand next to you "no Bataar’s taking his anger with me out on you and that’s not fair". "I wonder why?" Bataar commented and Huan raised an eyebrow "what was that?". "Well you call me stupid but it’s a good tactic, messing with y/n certainly gets you riled". Wei, Wing and Opal all stared eyes wide as you and Huan turned red. Suddenly the close proximity to you didn’t seem like such a great idea anymore. Bataar laughed "pft you act like you’re so moral when you're only doing it because you clearly like her". "I...that is irrelevant" Huan muttered "you're being cruel that’s that". "No i’m not and if you were objective about her you’d realise that". "I’d do it even if i didn’t like her" Huan said flustered and Bataar grinned "even if you didn’t like her? Is that a confession?". Silence settled and Huan tensed. Bataar’s grin grew "you said you’d do it even if you didn’t like her so that means...". "Shut up Bataar" Huan glared and Bataar laughed "i mean i get it i’d be annoyed too, it must be embarrassing knowing she doesn’t like you back...rather humiliating I suppose". Bataar went to speak again but you cut him off "who says i don’t like him back?". Bataar froze "what?". You were usually so quiet he didn’t think even if you did like Huan you’d admit it in a room full of people but Bataar had underestimated you. "You said it’s embarrassing because i don’t return Huan’s feelings but you're wrong i do like him, a lot...you're the only embarrassing person here”. Wing and Wei laughed and Bataar paled "I...you're both welcome to each other” and he stormed away. "Y/n that was great!" Opal called and Wei, Wing and Opal all flocked around you before you caught sight of Huan. He was staring at you but looked away when you looked at him. "We should...." Wei started and Wing and Opal nodded "yeah we'll be going...".

The door shut loudly and you and Huan looked at one another. "So..." you started as Huan also went to speak. You both apologised and told the other to go first. When that happened a second time you sighed "okay i’ll go first! So what you said to Bataar did you....did you mean that?". Huan nodded "did you? Or were you just saying it to shut him up?". "No i meant it" you smiled and Huan blushed "ow that’s...unexpected". "I don’t think it is considering Opal told you I liked you". Huan jumped "how do you know?". "Ow come on, as soon as i walked into the room to find you both whispering together i knew she'd sold me out". "Why didn’t you say anything if you knew?" Huan asked and you shrugged "i could ask you the same thing". Huan smiled softly "that’s fair I....I guess I was worried...Opal said she was sure but i...i didn’t want to ruin anything if you didn’t like me". You smiled as Huan’s reasons mirrored your own and you stepped forward "well i do like you so there's no worry there". Huan nodded his head, his eyes darted around the room nervously before they settled on you “well in that case...would you like to date me?” Huan cringed as he said it “god I sound pathetic”. You laughed “trust me you don’t, i’d very much like to date you”. Huan grinned brightly in response and you laughed at the reaction “that’s...” Huan reached for you when suddenly the door was pushed open. “Look we know we should give you more time but it’s getting late and we really want to see the mover” Wei pouted and you laughed as Huan blushed “fine come in” he called rolling his eyes but he smiled when you looked at him. Opal, Wei and Wing took the sofa nearest the door leaving the other one for you and Huan. You sat down together and Huan laced his hand through yours. You ignored the stifled laughter coming from the other sofa and sighed in relief when the lights switched off and the movie began.

The sofa you and Huan were on was smaller and so you were forced to sit pretty close together but you didn’t mind. You were surprised though when Huan shifted his arm around you. Huan never initiated contact with anyone and so this was a pretty huge deal for him. “You looked cold” he said when you glanced at him but you saw by the blush on his cheek that was just an excuse. You smiled and leant into him “that was a poor excuse Beifong”. Huan chuckled softly and you smiled up at him. “Hey keep it PG over there guys, some of us over here are still innocent little angels” Wei called and Huan rolled his eyes throwing a cushion at his face. “I’m really sorry about them” Huan whispered to you when their laughter died down and you smirked “it’s fine, just ignore them and focus on me”. Huan nodded his head “well that won’t be hard...” and you blushed at Huan’s tone. You and Huan stayed wrapped together for the duration of the mover and when it finished Huan led you to Opal’s room. “So I was thinking we could go on a date tomorrow if it’s not too soon?” Huan asked and you grinned “Not at all! What did you have in mind?”. “Well I know you always wake up early due to working shifts and they’ve just started planting in the gardens with summer on the way, so I thought we could walk around the grounds before anyone is awake and watch the sunrise?....or something”. You grinned “you can tell you’re an artist”. “Why is it a stupid idea?”. “No it’s lovely,” you said quickly “you’ve just planned a very beautiful date, it sounds lovely”. Huan blushed looking down before glancing up at you “glad you like it, so I’ll meet you here tomorrow morning?”. “It’s a date” you agreed and smiled as Huan blushed. “See you tomorrow then” you smiled and kissed Huan softly on the cheek. Huan froze as you touched him and turned an even deeper shade of red. “Kiss you...I mean see you tomorrow” Huan babbled before walking away and you smiled at how dazed he seemed from something as simple as a kiss. He bumped into Opal as he passed her and Opal frowned as she came to stand infront of you “do I even want to know what you did to give my brother that goofy look?”. “Probably not” you agreed and Opal sighed “this is going to be odd but a good odd, you and Huan are perfect for each other”. “I hope so” you sighed following Opal into her room “I really like him”. “Well as tonight proved he really likes you too....our sleepover days are numbered” Opal cried dramatically “soon you’ll be having sleepovers with Huan” and you threw a pillow at her. “Stop that”. “What it’s true!” Opal grinned “the only upside is we’ll be sisters officially soon”. “Me and Huan literally haven’t been on a date yet!” you cried and Opal shook her head laughing. “It’s sweet you think that y/n but you’ve basically been pre-dating for years, you and Huan care a lot more about each than first date level”. You blushed at the truth of Opal’s words and looked down “can we just go to sleep?”. Opal took pity on you and nodded. You both got ready for bed and finally you closed your eyes ready to go to sleep. “Don’t hit me but I just wanted to say, joking aside I’m really happy for you and Huan, I love you both and can’t think of anyone better for either of you”. You blushed and squeeed Opal’s hand “thanks Opal that’s really sweet”. Opal grinned at you before smiling “okay now I promise I’ll shut up” and with a fond smile you turned away and closed your eyes again ready to try and sleep. With your date with Huan on the horizon, Opal’s sweet words and the day's events in your mind, you fell asleep with a large smile on your face.

___

I can not shake these Huan feels!!! I think it’s the long hair but either way Huan Beifong is the shit!

283 notes · View notes

maschotch · 2 years

Note

Nah cuz fr the older seasons were FIRE. It’s actually legitimately one of the only shows I fell in love with within the first few episodes cuz it was just so good. It’s honestly funny tho cuz I distinctly remember pointing to hotch (who I didn’t even remember the name of the time lmaoo) and saying he’s my least favorite character cuz he was boring 💀💀 then he became my fav in season 2 and I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED but i got wayyy too attached to him in season three and......well you don’t come back from that. Just something about how they presented cases was more interesting, like I was somehow more invested in just the team putting their brains together and solving the case rather then having them show me everything that the unsub was doing. Each character felt like they played their own role but they also worked as a team (and I know this isn’t a popular opinion, but I liked it better before they shoved the family aspect down our throats, rather then having them just be a unique team of individuals that respected and trusted one another. That’s what made the show special). No slander to season 10 and 11 but, there was so many episodes where I’d be sitting on my phone or straight up skipping scenes cuz it’d be so focused on the unsub’s actions that I got bored. Like what happened to them solving the case?? Maybe it got repetitive but I felt like especially with seasons 1–4 (especially 1 and 2 imo) they were very good about not making the episodes fall into a formula or pattern. Each episode felt special and unique and I can distinguish each episode perfectly, while I can’t with later seasons (with some exceptions when they jump out of pattern, like Mr. Scratch or Entropy, which are some of my later season favs).

yeah like there really is something special about the first season in particular. it was like... before they hit their rhythm, both the writers and the profilers lol. it starts to get very formulaic around s 3/4 and its like they put more energy into making the murders/unsubs interesting than the episode itself.. like the layout of the thing. and its nice to see the characters kind of hovering around each other a little more. they're not settled yet. they love each other but its like they don't know it yet kajshdlgk their bonds are currently being forged and they're proving to the rest of the team as much as they're proving to the audience that they're capable of this job.

don't get me wrong, i like the criminal minds formula lmao i wouldnt be here if i didnt. s3-9 follows the formula to varying degrees of success. and with all the shit that happens to the characters s2/3, it makes sense that their bond as a family is much stronger and much more clear to everyone. it starts with the fisher king as they're in danger of losing one of their own.. when elle leaves and they all cling to each other tightly... when emily comes in and the others are sooo resistant to her presence, rocking the boat a little... when morgan's past is revealed and there's a shift in the dynamic, suddenly it's much more personal and intimate now that they know this part of morgan's history that he's kept separate from them.... when reid suddenly goes through a lot and they all want to be there for him in a way beyond how normal coworkers would go about it..... all climaxing with 'in name and blood' when suddenly the team is getting torn apart and they realize how important they are to one another. it's more than just a job now, it's more than just a team. it's a definite tone shift from season one but it's done well and i like the result.

late season three early season four is when they really hit that formula hard. something personal between one or two members of the team in the beginning/end and maybe sprinkled throughout the ep... following the unsub/victims along the way... get off plane, go do things, reconvene, talk about it, give profile.... conclude it neatly with a nice connection back to whatever background team plot was happening. it's very simple. and honestly i really do like the episodic way it's written... it makes it clean? easy to watch. you don't have to watch the whole thing to know what's going on. it's nice

they start going a little too hard on the formula starting around s6. idk if this makes sense akjshldg but its like... they turn everything up to the max in a way that really just overwhelms the episodes. like the intensity is dialed up and there's so much tension that it doesn't really work. part of it is their desire to continue these overarching arcs, like doyle, doyle's immediate aftermath, and the replicator. some of it's good, but sometimes it's just a bit too much.

but then starting s11, they stray from the formula entirely, and thats where things go batshit for me lmao. suddenly the episode unsubs matter very little and the majority of the focus is what's going on in the whole season. and i dont think that type of story suits criminal minds? at least not for me lol. like everything with the hitmen, everything with the prison... it just made the day-to-day episode stuff feel insignificant. like why should we care about the weekly unsubs at all when there's clearly something much larger at stake? but then they don't really get around to actually fleshing it out until whatever episode they decide to finally pay attention to it. and again those tend to be hit or miss. they're all very much a miss for me asdjhlgjs rip but entropy.. one of my least favorite eps but maybe im just not a reidgirl. there's just a little magic that's lost with these season-long plots? it's not that quick-and-easy "just put on an episode" show anymore, which is honestly what i loved about it

the show definitely evolves over the course of its 15 seasons. it would be weird if it didn't. but looking at s1 and s15.. it's hard to tell its the same show at all anymore lol. maybe its the nostalgia, maybe its the shitty 2005 cameras making everyone look good bc its not in HD yet, maybe its bc they didn't feel pressured to make it showy and pizazzy and they just focused on making it good, but there really is something special about those early seasons.

#asks #endgame spoilers #s1 is like. in its own league #s2-3 are good and it definitely focuses on emphasizing the relationships between the chars #s4-9 stick to the formula and how good it is really depends on how interesting the individual episode is.. which is also a preference #s11+..... i just get tired. i dont care.#ive already watched foyet. i dont need to watch another serial killer target the team #ive already watched doyle. i dont need to watch an organized crime/elaborate scheme/one unsub w buddies target the team #like they kept trying to make the big bads bigger and badder but really it just got boring ajskhdlgkj

8 notes · View notes

sunnydaisy1 · 4 years

Text

Just a Cold

MARK SLOAN X READER

REQUEST: Could you do one for when Mark is the reader is sick, but is doing everything to not have him notice. Then ends up getting worse. Sorry hope this makes sense lol :)- Anonymous

A/N: I loved this request sooo much! I wasn’t sure whether you wanted Mark and the reader to be in a relationship or not so I kinda did it like they might be but it could also be just flirting idk? I hope I wrote it okay and that you enjoy it :)

*WHY ISNT THERE A CONCERNED MARK GIF WHERE HE ISNT CRYING URGH*

I blinked my eyes open as sun shot through the blinds into my room, glaring across the white and grey walls. I groaned and rolled over, covering my face with a pillow as i slammed the alarm clock off. A vicious cough ripped through me and I winced, my chest contracting and sharp pains running through my head. It was my own fault really, i had gotten off work a little earlier than usual and decided to go for a walk while it was still light out. My downfall really was when I had decided against bringing a coat, instead trusting the stupid jumper I was wearing to keep me warm. The weather had looked nice enough to begin with but after 20 minutes the sky had decided to chuck buckets of water down on me and I was drenched, resulting in the now painful cold I had given myself. I opened my eyes again and looked at the clock, trying to turn the minutes back to give me more sleep. When this failed, I rolled out of my fluffy, lucious cloud of a bed and walked to the bathroom, hoping a warm shower would wake me up and heal my blocked sinuses. I rubbed my eyes as I stepped into the tiled room, looking at the mirror. My reflection wasn't too bad although I could see my eyes were a little puffy and my nose was sporting a tinge of flaring red. Sighing, I turned the shower on and undressed, pulling my hair up into a bun and stepping into the relaxing steamy fumes. When I had finished getting ready and had grabbed a breakfast bar that would end up ignored in my locker, I trudged out the door, locking it behind me and starting the 10 minute walk to the hospital. I really hoped I would have time to grab some medicine before rounds but I doubted it, seeing as I had spent way too long dying in the shower. A strong breeze ripped past me and I shuddered, pulling my coat closer to me and trying to hold down the scratching cough at the back of my throat. I soon arrived at the hospital doors and gladly went inside, thankful for the shelter against the weather. I walked slowly to the residents' locker room, smiling at a few nurses as they walked past. The room was bustling with noise as I entered and a few people called out my name but I just smiled, making my way over to my locker next to Alex. He turned to face me once he saw me coming over and chuckled at my pained expression. "You look like crap." He said as I stripped off my jacket and jumper, pulling my scrubs over the long sleeved shirt I thankfully wore. "Thanks so much Karev." I hissed, now pulling off my trousers and yanking on the rougher blue scrub ones. "No worries Y/N." He grinned at me and I rolled my eyes, sitting down next to him. The locker room seemed to be getting louder by the second and I shut my eyes, trying to block out the dull pain in my head. I stayed like that for a few minutes until I felt Alex nudge me, "Come on don't want the interns slacking off." I nodded and groaned, standing up. We walked side by side until we reached the nurse's station and he went off to torment his group of suck ups. I gathered the folders with patient info and dragged myself over to my 4 interns who stared at me. "What are you waiting for?" I said harshly and they scampered, heading off to the first patient's room as I followed behind. I wasn't usually that harsh with the interns but I was strict and they behaved well, eager to learn. I tried my best to educate them but sometimes they really got on my nerves. Once we made our way into the first patient's room, the interns lined up by the door while I walked to the bed. "Goodmorning Mr Davis, how are you doing today?" I asked softly, trying to hide my running nose. "Alright, hurts a little but it's getting better." I nodded and looked over to one of my interns, "Johnson?" At once the intern started pratlling on about Mr Davis' case and I nodded along, half listening to him, half trying not to close my eyes. He stopped talking fairly quickly and I nodded, "well done, we need hourly checkups on Mr Davis' vitals for the next few days but you should be ready to go home in a few days." I directed the last part at the patient who nodded and smiled. I walked out the room and passed the interns out the patient folders. The next patient was Mrs Walker who had recently had a rhinoplasty to fix her incredibly wonky broken nose from falling off a ladder while painting her house. It had been a simple case but there were complications in the OR and she was now under careful watch. I noticed Mark standing in the corner of the room and I winced, hoping he would ignore me. I walked to the corner of the room by the door and stood a little away from the patient, listening drowsily to the interns. "Morning Y/N." A voice behind me whispered and my heart picked up pace when I recognised Mark's flirty tone. "Sloan." I said curtly, trying to disguise my illness because I know he would make a big deal out of it and really it was nothing. "Ouch, what's got your panties in a twist today?" Mark teased, easily letting the dirty words roll off his tongue. "Nothing." I retorted, not daring to look Mark in the eye. I could feel the warmth of his body behind me and I wanted so desperately to reach out and let his comforting hold engulf me but I couldn't, not wanting him to make a big deal. "If you say so missy." He replied, whispering close to my ear. Despite my cold, I could feel heat rush through my body at Mark's seductive words. Normally I could retort with a witty remark but today the only thing my brain could focus on was the increasing ache in my bones. "Mark if you have finished flirting with Dr L/N, we have other patients to attend to." Derek called out, and I blushed, not even realising he had come into the room. "See you later L/N." Mark said as he left the room, leaving me wanting his heat back. The rest of rounds passed by incredibly slow and I now sat in the locker room again, trying to catch up on forms and paperwork that needed filling out. I had turned most of the lights off so the room was darker and was nursing a warm coffee in my hands. The soothing silence was helping to ease the growing ache in my head but the incessant coughing wasn't letting up. Suddenly, my pager started beeping and I groaned, putting my hot drink down and speed walking to Bailey. I was almost in the patient's room when I spotted Mark coming out of another room a few doors down and I quickly leaped into a supply closet before he could see me. I really loved Mark but he didn't need to see me when I was all runny nosed and coughing like a diseased hag. I waited 20 seconds, counting in my head before opening the door again and checking the coast was clear. It was so I walked out and over to Bailey's patient's room where she stood, talking to him about his upcoming surgery. She shot me daggers when I entered the room and I mouthed a sorry before explaining to Mr Morrison the risks. At lunchtime, I had just finished with a code blue, hoping to head to a dark, quiet space away from distractions. I was just stepping around a corner when I bumped into a solid chest, immediately apologising before looking up to see who it was. "Oh, Mark." I said, scanning the area to look for a way out and avoiding his gorgeous eyes. "Sorry about that Y/N, seems I have a knack for bumping into pretty women going for their lunch." I nodded absent-mindedly, trying to get away. "Right yeah urm I need to go." I said, going to walk past Mark but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "Woah woah woah what's the matter?" He asked, instantly concerned at my dismissal of his flirting. "Nothing." I said and he shook his head, bending his head down to meet my averting gaze. "You said that earlier." Mark continued, both hands now on my arms as he kept me still. "mm." I hummed, staring at the wall behind Mark. "You sure you're okay, you look a bit like your going to throw up." He said, concern lacing his voice. "No Im fine." I said, smiling weakly before scooting off down the halls leaving a worried plastic surgeon behind. For the rest of the afternoon, I sat on the bottom floor filling out charts. My headache and coughs had been getting progressively worse to the point where I could barely move due to my body aching so much. Luckily I wasn't in any surgeries today and Bailey hadn't been so much on my heels today although Mark had paged me a few times to the Attending room which I ignored. He had spotted me earlier after Mer had wanted me in the research room but I had run down the halls back here before he could catch me. I knew it was only a matter of time before he sought me out. I was almost done filling out the last chart when the door swung open and a familiar head of peppered hair came through the doors. I cringed inwardly and tried to make myslef as small as possible in the gap between the two hospital beds. I waited, trying to control my laboured breathing as he walked nearer, calling out my name. I closed my eyes shut as he closed in on my position. "Y/N?" Mark asked as he spotted my feet poking out from between the two beds. I winced at his voice and he ducked down, crouching in front of me and placing a hand on each of my bent knees. "Y/N?" He asked again and I opened my eyes. He sucked in a breath and immediately tried to bring me closer to him but I groaned. "No please Mark it hurts." I whispered, my voice just a croak. "Jesus Y/N you look like a ghost." Mark said, his face serious and eyes kind. I tried to smile but I couldn't manage, my head flaring up with every movement. Mark gathered the charts I had lying around me and placed them on the nearby bed before squatting back down. "Hey let's get you out of here." He softly said, but I shook my head, sniffling and wincing at the ache. "Come on, I'll help you." He continued, placing a hand on my warm cheek. I looked into his eyes and gave in, nodding slightly. Mark wrapped an arm around my waist and put another on my hip as he helped lift me up, careful to not be to rough. "That's it." He softly spoke, my hands resting on his upper arms for support. As soon as I was standing he brought me into his chest, resting his head on top of mine and stroking my back softly. I closed my eyes and breathed in his comforting scent, relaxing into the warmth. I felt Mark's hand smooth my hair and kiss the top of my head before he whispered, "Why didn't you tell me you were ill?" He stepped back slightly but still held me close, looking into my eyes. "I didn't want to bother you, it's not that bad." I replied, slightly shaky. "Y/N..." Mark said, brushing my hair behind my ear and cupping my face. "What bother's me is not knowing your ill and not being able to help." He said, bringing me back into his arms. "Im sorry." I said, nuzzling into his neck. "It's okay, let's get you into bed." Mark replied, kissing my forehead. Mark had ended up persuading me to go to his house, and I was currently stood in his bathroom, a towel wrapped around me. The steam from the hot shower had freed up my nose a little but the throbbing in my head hadn't let up yet. I walked into Mark's bedroom, rubbing my eyes. "Hey." Mark smirked, making me open my eyes to see his stupid self standing there with a cheeky grin as his eyes ran up and down my body. "My eyes are up here." I said quietly, making him chuckle and a small smile come across my face. "You know I think my towel on you is my new favourite look of yours." Mark said as he watched me walk across the carpeted floor to him. I narrowed my eyes at him and sniffled, holding onto the white fluffy towel that just surpassed my bum tightly. "If I wasn't so ill right now Sloan, I'd punch that pretty little grin off of your face." I hissed, taking the sweatpants and tshirt out of his hands. "Oh so you think I'm pretty then?" Mark teased, eyes still wandering. "Piss off." I said, watching Mark as he smirked wider and I headed into the bathroom again, closing the door. When I had managed to pull the black tshirt on, I looked at the sweatpants and groaned, resenting having to struggle into another item of huge clothing. It was worse than putting leggings on after swimming. I had panties on and Mark's tshirt came down to my mid thigh so I unlocked the door, hoping Mark had a pair of shorts I could wear. As soon as I stepped out, Mark sat up on the bed, eyes raking my body yet again. "Jeez Y/N you think you were trying to kill a man." He said as I walked towards him, cradeling the sweatpants. I was exhausted and couldn't think of any remark so just stuck my hands out, extending the sweatpants to Mark. "I'm too tired to put them on." I said quietly before a violent cough coursed through my body. "Okay come here." Mark said and sat me down on the bed, taking the sweatpants. I expected him to walk off to get some shorts but he crouched down in front of me and lifted my ankle into the cuff of the sweatpants. I blushed and muttered, "thanks." Mark just grinned and winked cheekily, making my face flush even more. He brought the sweatpants to my knees before asking me to stand up which I did. He went to take them up further and started lifting the tshirt before I grabbed his hands. "I think I can do the rest." I said softly, rolling my eyes at Mark's constant dirty flirting. "Worth a try." He remarked, brushing the hair out my face. Once I had gotten the sweatpants on and had gulped down 2 glasses of water and some medicine, I walked back from the hallway to Mark's room, seeing him lying in the bed with his pyjamas on. I yawned and smiled sleepily. "Gonna come join me missy?" He asked, flicking the duvet off to reveal his tartan clad legs and comfy bed. I nodded, dragging myself to the other side of the bed and climbing in before resting next to Mark. He chuckled and lifted me slightly, laying my head down on his chest and wrapping my arm around his waist while he hugged mine. I sighed contently and snuggled into his warming body, letting waves of sleepiness wash over me, lulling me to sleep. Mark turned the bedside light off and kissed the top of my head, whispering, "Night love." I smiled and closed my eyes, drifting off.

#mark sloan x reader #mark #mark sloan #greys anatomy imagine #greys #greys anatomy #grays anatomy #derek shepherd #cold #sloan #imagine #x reader #oneshot #mark sloan imagine

609 notes · View notes

syubub · 3 years

Text

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

84 notes · View notes

ultimatetornshipper · 3 years

Text

Daminette December day 11- Snowglobe and 12- Soulmate au

@daminette-december2019-2020

Okk sooo like I said I wanted to make a separate lil one shot for this one because I have a nice lil idea in mind and my medieval au does not work with the snow globe and soulmate thing so I decided fuck it.

Also Tim isn’t it the series yet so I decided to do some brotherly shenanigans that included him.

This one shot actually worked out really well like I love it.

I get to be slightly more… hmm what’s the word?... stupid?

It’s the writing on skin, appears on soulmate's skin, soulmate au btw.

Honestly I love this, it did not go as expected lmao.

Anyway I hope u guys enjoy this!

Previous- Princes and Pedestals Chapter 10

Next- Princes and Pedestals Chapter 11

The Permanent Marker

The first time Damian saw a snow globe it had been during a fight with Tim, who'd decided to throw him with it.

It was safe to say that the item that was thrown ended their fight. The side made of ceramic hit his arm. Unfortunately (or fortunately) it landed on the floor, the glass shattered. The tiny fake snowflakes scattered all over the place.

Before then he had only heard of one thing that, in his mind, worked similarly…

“Drake, I will skin you alive!” he said jumping on his brother, Jason pulled him off and held him back, “Todd! Release me at once! The imbecile just attacked me with a glitter bomb!”

The entire manor went silent for a few seconds before they all burst out laughing.

To this day, he was still being teased about it. Even though the incident had happened years ago.

It resulted in him having quite the distaste for snow globes.

So imagine his annoyance when he woke up four days before the anniversary of The Incident with a picture of a snow globe on his hand.

As if that didn’t make the message clear enough, there was a snow globe and a glitter bomb on his bedside table, each labelled mockingly.

He growled and turned his gaze back to his hand.

He had no idea how his brothers had managed to draw it on him without waking him up but he was absolutely livid.

His soulmate must be incredibly confused as to why there was a crudely drawn snow globe on her hand.

He got up and stomped to the bathroom, washing it off. He got ready and walked angrily to the dining room.

He found them all there and when they saw his sour expression they burst out laughing.

He glared at them all through breakfast, his temper far shorter than usual.

He just hoped his soulmate wouldn’t ask about the snow globe or better still, that she hadn’t seen it.

Every morning for the next two days, he woke up with an ugly little snow globe on his hand. And each morning he would wash it off.

He was bordering on the edge of murderous.

Meanwhile in Paris, Marinette was in a similar state.

You see, for three days she had been trying to remember the damn stupid snow globe Alya had forgotten at her house over the weekend.

She’d drawn a nice little snow globe on her hand to remind herself. But apparently her soulmate was hell bent on not letting her return the damned snow globe.

Each time she drew the little picture, he would wash it off it sometime before she got home.

Because of course he would.

She knew he was a tidy person and he’d established that he had no wish to meet her back when they were small, but usually he at least didn’t wash off her drawings.

She huffed in annoyance as she rode the train back home.

It would’ve been easier to return the snow globe to Alya when they were still in Collegé Francious Du Point, where she lived only a street away. But nooooo, their lycee was far enough away that she had to take the train there and back. Just having Alya pick it up wasn’t as easy as it used to be.

She took out a pen and redrew her snow globe. He had already washed off the one she made earlier that day.

When she got home she realized that he had also washed off the one she made on the train. She huffed in annoyance and groaned.

Why was everything against her?

She eyed her drawer.

Maybe…

No, that wasn’t fair, she didn’t know why he erased the snow globe each time. There could be a very good reason.

Her pettier side didn’t care though. She was sick of him. He’d hurt her so much when they were kids, refusing to even try to get to know her. Not replying to any of her writing or doodles.

Eventually she stopped writing but doodles found still their way onto her skin. And they arrived at a silent truce of sorts, he would let her draw, and she wouldn’t expect anything.

Until now apparently.

Why couldn’t he just give her – give them - a chance?

Why couldn’t they just be normal? Why did he have to be such an ass? Why couldn’t they just write to one another?

She was reminded of the only time he'd written more than a few words to her.

The day she’d accidentally used the wrong kind of pen. The kind that had ink that didn’t wash off properly until after three days.

A permanent marker.

She didn’t known it was a permanent marker, and it wasn’t like she’d drawn anything too big with it. Just a medium sized heart on her wrist.

She was eight, she didn’t think it would be a problem.

Well apparently it was, because that day he let her have it. That day he made it clear that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her.

But to hell with that.

If he wanted to break their truce, the weird set of rules they had somehow established…

Then so would she.

She stood and opened the drawer, she took out the permanent marker she hadn’t touched in years and removed the lid.

She smiled as she drew her snow globe again.

This time she would remember the snow globe.

And she did, the next morning she saw her snow globe still on her hand, slightly smudged, but there. She smiled victoriously.

She returned Alya's snow globe and spent the rest of the day on cloud nine. Maybe it wasn’t the nicest of things to do, but it wasn’t like he took her into consideration. She figured this, at most, made them even.

What caught her off guard however, was the neat writing in black ink that appeared on her wrist later that night

The words ‘I’m sorry’ were etched onto her skin in handwriting that she recognized as his.

You see Damian hadn’t noticed the sketch when he got home. Hadn’t noticed it when he’d put on his gloves for patrol or when he’d gone to bed.

He never saw it until morning.

He lost it when he realized his brothers had written on him with a permanent marker.

The one think he’d basically forbade her from doing all those years ago and they did it.

They crossed a line. And Damian made that perfectly clear.

By attacking them and beating them up until they apologized.

He still felt it was necessary to apologize to her.

For the permanent ink. But also for all the years of silence, for all the years of ignoring her.

He settled on a small ‘I’m sorry’ on his wrist and hoped for the best.

That tiny apology, though, opened up a line of communication between the two.

They started talking regularly, growing closer and closer through their words. Eventually they met and started dating.

They helped one another, through trauma and superheroing and liars and villains, they were there.

They became a dynamic duo, he helped her run her label while she did commissions and designed her days away.

They were happy, one of the success stories. And while they hung up the capes and cowls, they were always available for emergencies.

They would tell their children and their grandchildren the story of the snow globe. Dick, Jason and Tim often liked to take credit. Earning a disgusted ‘Tt' from Damian and a laugh from Marinette.

The moral of the story, Marinette always liked to say, was that sometimes even the smallest, insignificant thing could make the biggest, life altering difference.

Taglist:

@animegirlweeb @loysydark @toodaloo-kangaroo @forgottenfriends @wolf-for-life @heyitsbugette @f-rget-lt @fusser90 @editorofeverything @thenillabean @sunflowers-and-mooncakes

61 notes · View notes

factual-fantasy · 4 years

Text

20 MORE asks?? :DD Thanks you guys!!

Bash Buggy would put the entire popsicle in his mouth, bite down and try to pull the popsicle stick out. Usually it works and he would start freaking out because its too cold, he would then try to chew it really fast and swallow it. Just resulting in his mouth being even colder.

He does this every single time despite it usually being an unpleasant experience.

Same here. I was hesitant to draw it at first but eventually gave in. I’m so glad I did XD.

Well, its going better than last time at least. Although people have stopped voting..

Two characters have made it to 5 votes, and most others stand at 3 or 4 votes. I think those are as many votes I’m going to get unfortunately so I’m just going to have to work with what I have.. votes are still open though! :}

Thank you very much!! ♡♡♡ I’m a little better today.

I am self taught, and have been drawing for as long as I can remember. Some of my oldest memories are drawing related. So about 10+ years or so? I know, its a little embarrassing that I’ve only come so far in 10 years. Although I suppose for most of those years I was very young and didn’t know what I was doing sooo...

Anyway, I got some helpful tips from a very talented relative and went to a class that taught me stuff I had already taught myself, but that’s about it. Everything else was stuff I learned myself. :}

No I haven’t heard of him, but now I have and I’m addicted XD

I have 17 Decepticon OCs so far and 1 Autobot that have yet to be drawn.

I haven’t drawn any of the Cons character reference sheets yet, but I hope to someday. The closest I got to drawing a proper picture of one of them was this drawing with Big Blue.

(Big Blue looks like this in alt mode btw 👇)

*You throw a doughnut into the puddle*

*The doughnut disappeared*

*You throw the love into the puddle*

*The love disappeared*

*You hear a pleased hum from the puddle*

You mean these guys? Man.. its been a hot minute since I’ve thought about them.

Well, hmm.. I’m not sure what I can talk about.. Maybe I can refresh you on the general story?

Okay so, the two kids Nokah and Aneal lived on a little island together with their mom and dad. Sometime when they were very little, their mom passed away from some kind of illness. Later on, their dad was killed in a raid where slave traders came in and took all the villagers they could and killed those that stood in their way. Their dad being one of them.

They stuck together thankfully and were brought from place to place until they were eventually sold and were on a ship that was going to take them to their new owners.

While they were sailing, a pirate ship showed up and began to raid the slave ship.

Captain Arthur, the red parrot guy, found these two kids below deck and rescued them. The kids were fed, cleaned and clothed. After they settled, they told the prates their story. The pirates discussed the situation and decided that they cant just keep the kids, they have to bring them to their own kind where they can have a long and prosperous life. Because the life of a pirate is no life for a child.

So off they go, to an island pretty darn far away to take these kids to an orphanage that is populated with with species similar to theirs.

By the time they got there, the kids and the crew got attached to each other. But Arthur pushed on, wanted to do what was best for the children. This part of the story is foggy, but something broke the camels back for Arthur. He couldn’t bare to part with the kids for one reason or another and brought them back to his ship, officially making them pirates and valued crew members.

There’s more to the other characters that I have built.. Like how Arthurs ship belonged to his mother and he grew up on it. Him moms ship is one of 3 very beautiful and rare ships that were way past their time when it came to architecture and technology.

After his mother died, his ship was stolen and sold away to some hawk guy or something. Solomon, the blue parrot, was one of his employees and was put in charge of the ship. Arthur started working for the hawk guy and was eventually promoted to one of the cleaning crew guys who was supposed to clean his moms ship. No one knew the ship rightfully belonged to Arthur.

He gained Solomon's trust and kissed the ground he walked on to make him let his guard down. Solomon wasn’t supposed to leave the ship under anyone else’s watch, but he did. He was lazy and told Arthur to watch the ship for that night. Arthur could be trusted with the ship couldn’t he? Of course he can be trusted. What’s the worst that could happen?

The next day Arthur and his mothers ship were gone without a trace. Solomon’s reputation was ruined and he got a real harsh talking to about how stupid it was of him to let the ship fall in someone else’s hands.

Don’t feel bad for Solomon, he’s a really nasty and narcissistic character, he deserved that. Anyway, Arthur got away with his mother’s ship finally and chose to become a pirate to protect it. He slowly built a crew of people that he considered family and has been sailing the world ever since.

Him and his crew are always on the move, his ship is very desired so its raided very often. And Arthur is pretty sure that Solomon is still out there somewhere.. looking for him. So because of these factors, Arthur ever doesn’t leave his ship. Despite how bad that is physically and mentally for a bird.

His crew will go to an uninhabited island and just take a break for a few days on the beach. But Arthur?.. I mean, he might fly around for a bit or go for a walk on the sand, but ultimately he’ll just stay on deck where he can monitor his ship.

There’s other things too, like how Solomon catches up to them with a small fleet of ships and stuff like that.. buuuut I feel like I’m rambling a bit too much..

I’m very glad you remembered my OCs and were interested enough to ask about them. Feel free to ask any more questions about them if there’s anything else you want to know! ♡മ◡മ♡

Hug??

Also thank you, I’m very glad you love it! (♡´౪`♡)

Thank you! :} My top favorite cartoon shows, 1 being top and 5 being bottom are..

Gravity Falls

Transformers Prime

Spongebob

Octonauts

Beetle Baily

Don’t judge, I know they’re all mostly kids shows... I would’ve added The Three Stooges in Transformers Prime’s place, but that’s not a cartoon..

ALL OF THE THANK YOU’S!!!

I’m so flattered that you think I’m a wonderful artist! I really do try to make things look nice, and I’m glad you see that. :}

When it comes to dedication, I surprised myself with how long I’ve stuck with these characters so far, usually I’d loose passion by now. :o Same with the designs too! I have no idea how I was able to make them. But I’m glad you like them none the less. ,,●ᴗ●,,

When it comes to patience? I guess I just.. I don’t know, XD Normally I don’t have much of it. I guess the real life connection I have to the real cars helps out my patience when it comes to drawing them..? None the less, I’m glad that you noticed!

I know drawing machinery and drawing it consistently can be very hard. I suppose you just need to have a reference on hand and try your best to mimic it.

And yeah, clearly I am very sensitive, but don’t worry about your comment! I took it as a compliment. :} Other people seem to think that I’m a kind and sensible person who deserves happiness, so it must be true! X3

Anyway, thank you for all the lovely compliments and the good luck wish with my job, I’m probably going to need it. I appreciate all that you’ve said and am very flattered! ♡ඩᴗඩ♡

I have heard of the movie and how great it is, but I have not seen it yet. :/ I plan to though! It looks very pretty. :}

Well, a long time ago sometime after the show had been completed, I stumbled into the fandom. I ended up really liking Ford as a character to the point I was convinced to watch the show. And of course, I got addicted XD

When it comes to my favorite episodes? Hmm.. I really like Carpet Diem, and Headhunters. Although I’m sure there are more that I like. :}

Thank you. Honestly my first day was 100% fine, I just got emotional for no reason afterwards and cried a lot. I blame the 2 hours of sleep.

When it comes to my very first OC? It would be impossible to tell.. I have been drawing for a very long time and my memory simply doesn’t go back that far.

So.. I cant show you my first one for sure.. however.. quite a while back, I redrew some really old OCs I found. So these guys are SUPER old. I can show you them at least. :}

Yikes, I had no idea what I was doing back then did I?

When it comes to most attached to, that is always changing so I cant say for sure.

I actually am small enough that I can probably fit in a regular refrigerator freezer, but thank you for offering a different sized one. :}

Also, if the contents of my head are liquid now, wouldn’t making me cold or freezing me be bad?

I have only watched Transformers: Prime and the Bayverse movies. I haven't finished Transformers: Prime yet though, I keep forgetting to..

I considered watching other adaptions once I was finished with Prime, but none of the art styles quite appeal to me..

*You place the bucket and mop on the floor beside the puddle*

*The puddle moves away from the bucket and mop*

*You hear a muffled “I’m good, thanks.” beneath the puddle.*

(Referring to an older ask)

Also thank you, I’m very glad I finally got one. :}

#my response #transformer ocs #my ocs

35 notes · View notes

dildo-swaggins-t-baggins · 4 years

Note

Rodimus writes a list of all the reasons why he hates Thunderclash, then leaves it in his desk drawer. One of the others sneaks into his room, finds the list, and reads it over the ship's intercom system. Rodi is furious - not only has his privacy has been violated, but everyone is focusing on the fact that he "said" such nasty things about Clash instead of WHY he "said" them (since he mentioned all of his insecurities and the fact that Clash is so much better than he will ever be in the list).

Howdy, so first time doing this, and kinda excited but still nervous, let me know what you think! I also wanted a bit more angst being that I have no self control.

Lost Light, a ship full of mechs who had fought through 4 million years of war, highly qualified for anything the known and unknown universe would throw at them. But then again being on a ship for so long could only result in some sort of ‘horseplay’. For the most part the day was as normal as ever, simple routine, checking the mission log, and progress. And then it happened, it felt like he was going 100 mph and slammed into a concrete roadblock. The ship’s internal speaker screamed to life, halting the crew, every mech stopped and listened. Rodimus’ peds slammed into the floor so hard that sparks shot up, Drift did the same and they turned to the tiny wall speaker. “To the crew, a tiny memo from our beloved captain,” The speaker whined as the mech cleared his intake. “‘A list of what I hate about Thunderclash:”

He couldn’t tell what happened first, if his optics popped out of his helm, or if he changed into his alt-mode and flew down the hall. Drift was right on his bumper the whole way. “1:Thunderclash has this horrible paint job, what did he do? Blindfold himself and chuck a bunch of darts at a color wheel?Not only that but red? Red optics? Wow that’s sooo friendly, 10 out of 10, goes with the slag color scheme.” They passed Swerve and Ten who almost dropped their new shipment. “2: Why is he even a ‘hero’? So what, you were shot in the spark and lived, who hasn’t been shot in the spark? I don’t understand why everyone looks up to him? He’s just like everyone else and has a bad paint job.” They drifted around the corner, scaring Brainstorm, who attached his harness to the ceiling and lifted himself out of their way. “3:And then there’s this stubborn ‘fan club’, always following him around, stalking him, kinda feel bad for the guy, like hello? Give the poor mech some space to at least walk?” They slid into the lift Drift typed in the code, tapping his ped. “I’m thinking whoever is behind this, they’re going on the next mining shore leave with Megatron.” He hissed. “Why’d you write that?” Rodimus’ engine roared, praying to Primus that the lift would just move a little bit faster! “I couldn’t recharge that one night when I was paired up with Thunderclash on shore leave, and I had a quick com session with Rung, and he suggested I write down what I don’t like. Kinda helped me out. It’s not supposed to be read out loud.” The lift came to a stop and as soon as the doors were open enough for Rodimus’ alt-more to fit he floored it. “But that’s not the worst thing about Thunderclash, I think the absolute worst thing would be his oblivious nature. It’s bad when he hardly notices everyone falling onto their knees to kiss his aft. But it’s really bad when he can’t simply read the signs.” “Frag, frag, frag.” Rodimus hissed, spotting the captain’s office just ahead, a group of mechs jumped seeing his frame speeding right towards them with no indication of stopping. He started taking names of all of them, let Megatron sort them out. “I get it, honestly, he’s got this stupid puppy love crush on me, and it’s honestly embarrassing that he can’t simply take a very, VERY, clear ‘no’.” The mech snorted. “It’s kinda pathetic, thinking that I would be caught dead with that-” The door opened when he sent the code, changing into his root-mode and using his servo to catapult himself, then landing on his peds and front flipping into the office. “-the absolute wreck of a Prime.-” His ped smashed into Getaway’s golden battle mask, Getaway was thrown to the ground Rodimus’ peds firmly planted on his helm. With a flick of a digit he shut off the internal comm system, and turned his attention to the mech under him. Getaway was knocked out, then again having your helm slammed into the floor so hard that it creates a mini creator can do that to a mech. Rodimus spun around seeing a sea of not so happy optics glaring at him. “Frag.” He ducked as an empty cube was thrown at him, Drift sliced it in half and shut the door. Rodimus sunk behind his desk, wondering if the door was going to hold, and what to do with a knocked-out Getaway?

______________________________________________________________

He vented again, his whole system wheezed, peeling open his optics once more with a slight inhale. His systems reported that he was dangerously low on washer fluid and that was bad, and he didn't want to replace his ‘friendly’ optics anytime soon. With a huff he pulled himself out of his berth, rubbing his faceplates, he could still feel the moisture that clung to his cheek plating. Nothing like doing a double shift and getting ready to recharge and then you hear everything one of your captains hate about you being broadcasted over the whole ship. It felt like another fusion cannon to the spark, but this time it was Rodimus pulling the trigger. With a vent he pulled himself to the washroom, giving himself a good splash of cleaning fluid to the face. Then he stared at himself, eyeing his white orange, gold, blue and light teal, and to top it all off, his flashy decal. Admittedly the whole speech hurt, and he could grin and bear it, but what hurt was the last comment. “‘It’s kinda pathetic, thinking that I would be caught dead with that absolute wreck of a Prime.’” He quoted his captain, feeling his spark plummet again and his optics sting from the lack of washer fluid. “I-I suppose it is ‘puppy love’.” He forced himself to smile. “I’m sure the crew-no my…’fan club’? Is giving him a hard time.” Thunderclash vented turning away from the mirror. He jumped hearing a ping at his door, giving himself a quick shake, and trying to put on a tired-looking face, he opened the door. Riptide and Velocity briskly stepped in, Riptide pulled him back into his hab while Velocity glared out the door and locked it behind them, his two blue friends spun around and stared at him. “Did you hear it?” They both asked at the same time. “Honestly? Yeah.” He chuckled, it was dry and hurt his intake. “Thunders, honey.” Velocity pulled him into a hug. “Don’t you mind that.” Riptide patted his back. “Yeah, don’t let that get your down, alright?” Velocity pressed a kiss to the side of his helm. Riptide fell onto his back giving him a strange but loving hug. “Yeah, don’t let yourself get wrapped up in that.” He smiled. “Thank you, both of you. I’m more worried about the captain.” Velocity grit her denta. “What?” “Why?” Riptide asked his rudder snapping back and forth. “Well, it’s no secret that I’m more liked and my ‘fan club’ is going to be coming for his helm. Not only that but he’s the kind of mech that will beat himself up over this.” “Oh, so what are you planning on doing?” Riptide asked. “I was thinking if there was a way to tell the ‘club’ to leave it? And if he asks about it I’ll just say I was in recharge.” Thunderclash shrugged. “And I’ll just leave him alone, give him his space.” That did hurt, like stepping first into acid, he didn’t mean to crowd the captain, he just wanted to know Rodimus a bit better. Normally watching him from afar, and now he would just not watch the brilliant captain in action. “Oh well, I’ll be fine.” He grinned as it felt like another shot tore through his spark.

#mtmte rodimus #rodimus #Thunderclash #rodiclash #thunderod #angst #ask #Ask Me #I have no idea what I'm doing

53 notes · View notes

stuffedtight · 4 years

Text

Stealing Seconds

Thought I’d get back into the lab and write something up! I kinda want to be more active in this lil community!!! Even though I’m such a big fe head I haven’t played some of the old games so I’ve been playing Sacred Stones on my WiiU! After Sacred Stones I wanna play the Blazing Blade so expect stuff of those characters! I’ve fell in love with sum boys and wanted to write about Colm! Feel free to send in asks about old and new characters and maybe I’ll get around to it? (Sorry for this being so long!!💖) (Also I haven’t finished the game so I don’t know the endings so I guess this is like an au?)

-[ As the clock struck 1, Colm let a sigh of relief come over him, as he knew his castle watching shift is over, and can finally enjoy his lunch with his best friend, Niemi. Colm had seemed to be looking forward to his meals more and more. On top of this, he’s never been known to train. He has a bit of a dad bod thing going on. A bit of chub, but it’s just something to work off, right?

“Colm!” Niemi called, waving her hand up to get his attention. Colm couldn’t help but smile when he saw her. “What’s up, Niemi?” Colm said in a warm tone, a side he doesn’t really expose to anyone but her. He constantly needs to know if Niemi’s in any trouble, but can also get her into trouble with his own schemes. Niemi talked about her shift as they walked to the cafeteria.

Colm loved the smell of the cafe food. The food the cafe served was, to be blunt, fattening. Niemi knew that was the cause of her friend’s weight gain, but she wouldn’t comment on it. She insisted that she make him his own lunches, as she does her herself, but he refused. He gives into his craving to easily and can’t resist a greasy slice of pizza or a juicy burger.

Niemi followed Colm to the cafeteria, as he leaned his arms against the counter and exposed his rather plump behind in his tight trousers unknowlingly to his friend, distracted more by the food. Of course, Niemi tried not to stare at it, but she had to sneak in a few glances. She’s been crushing hard on Colm since they were little. Today, Colm would be served chicken breast. His favorite, despite being more of a fatty, greasy mess. Of course, he asked for extra and recieved a whole nother breast and extra fries. He payed and sat with Niemi.

She couldn’t help but stare at Colm as he devoured his into his belly. “Niemi?” “Y-Yeah!” She got caught, but Colm didn’t seem to care. He kept eating and Niemi slowly dug into her lunch. After the meal, Colm was definetly full. He snuck a hand onto his now expanded belly, but would be too embarrased to give himself a rub. Niemi stood up, and now done with work, they had the day to themselves. Colm let out a hand to Niemi for her too help him up with a smirk. Niemi grabbed his hand, and with a grunt from Colm, got him on two. Now, with his big lunch, you can see his round belly bulge through his shirt. Niemi, not knowing what came over her, started to tease him. “I guess you liked it, Colm?” She giggled. “Whatever...” Colm said, embarrased, as he put his hands over his head. However, doing this, he revealed his under belly and blue happy trail.

Niemi couldn’t contain herself, and had to touch that belly. She reached out to touch and snuck a little rub in before Colm swiftly put her hand away with a “Hey!” She laughed it off but she felt silly. What she didn’t know is that Colm secretly loved the feel of her soft hand on his taut tummy.

Niemi and Colm spent the rest of the day as they normally, playing games, talking about memories, and even a walk out to the market. When dinner rolled around, Colm exclaimed how hungry he was with a pat of his belly. Niemi said he should have a much lighter meal, and grudgingly, Colm agreed. He didn’t want to say no but he did to avoid a crying Niemi. Colm ate one of her meals, and eventually came the night.

Niemi and Colm’s room was an admittally small room, more of a small apartment, with two beds. Sometimes, Niemi daydreams of their room only having one, forcing them to share a bed. Colm undid his belt, looking down at how much his belly had actually grown. And when Niemi wasn’t looking, checked himself out in the mirror and even looked at his ass. He’d definelty grown, and could even see his butt through his usually oversized boxers, now tightly constrained down to his plump thighs, which were usually skinny sticks. He didn’t show any expression on his weight gain, but inside, he kinda liked it. He liked filling his belly with food and having it rubbed and cared for. He liked his new fat ass and how it had the slightest jiggle when he walked, and now his butt pushes out his trousers.

Niemi was in her bed, in much more classy pajamas compared to Colm’s tight boxers. Niemi took quick glances to see Colm’s belly and even his butt when he bent down to grab something. Still, Niemi knew she had to sleep soon, or else she’ll be kept up all night by Colm’s snores. Eventually, she found herself peacefully dreaming.

Untill she was woken up. She was being shaken by Colm. A drozy Niemi responded, “Colm, what time is it?” “I don’t know but I’m sooo hungry.” Colm said, almost whining. His stomach let out a growl. He was a little embarrased. “See? Hear him?” Niemi thought his antics were cute, and didn’t know he was one for midnight snacks. “So?” “So, Niemi, I’m gonna go steal some food from the cafe! Can you come with me?” Niemi knew Colm had always had a habit of stealing, but she would never confront him about it, fearful of an argument, and would let him do as he please. But if Colm got a lot more fat, perhaps he wouldn’t be able to do some sneaking around. She let out a sigh. “Sure, Colm.” They didn’t bother to change clothes, Neimi in her cutesy pjs, and Colm in nothing but his boxers.

Their pantry raid was successful, to say the least. Colm managed to steal fries, chicken wings, pizza, and even a few drinks to bring back. However, their trip was cut short when a flashing light of a gaurd shined upon them. Colm, quickly covering his crotch, wanting to hide his now blown up body, then went back into theif mode, got his loot, and ran with Niemi. They managed to lose the gaurd and safely get back to their room. Colm out of breath, bent down and put his hands on his knees. Niemi even did a little bit of scolding about how dangerous that was. “I know, Niemi, I’m sorry. I promise I won’t put you in any more dangerous stuff like that.” “You too, Colm! We could’ve been kicked out!” “Your right. I promise.”

With that out of the way, Colm dug into his findings. The food already warm, he dug into the chicken wings first. There were about 8 of them and he douvred them. He loved the crunch and the juicy meat inside of them. He took his first bite with a loud “Mhmmmm”. As Niemi and Colm sat on his bed, he dug into the fries and the 3 slices of pizza he managed to grab. The silence of the room with Niemi looking Colm up and down as he filled his belly with food, went away as Colm let out a loud blech. He held his belly with a hand as he let out the pressure of his belly. He let out a short “Excuse me” before he began eating again.

Colm finished his meal with burps and regret. He stuffed all that food inside his poor belly, left with the view of him in his boxers. He rubbed the crumbs of his mouth. “Well, I hope you enjoyed this little midnight ‘snack’, but I seriously need some sleep. But I’ll admit...it was a little fun.” Niemi said. Before Colm began speaking he burped. “Ah, excuse me. It was, but I’m sort of regretting it.” They chatted as they both got into their beds. Colm, laying on his back, could see the shape of his packed belly through his blanket. He gave his belly a rub, feeling the tightness of it, compared to the soft dough of his empty belly. He let out another loud burp. Then, through the pain of his stuffing, put his arm over his head, and not believing what he was about to say.

“Niemi?” “Yeah?” He was interrupted with a small burp. “Could you, uh, maybe, r-rub my belly.” Niemi smiled at the idea. Colm looked over to see her reaction and let out a nervous laugh as he saw her smile. Niemi got up, and went into his bed, and slid her hand under the sheets to his belly. Colm let out moans and groans as he layed there. They could hear his stomach growl in protest. “Settle down, buddy.” Colm said. Niemi didn’t know Colm was a tummy talker. “He’s not to happy with me.” He said, facing down to her. “Haha, I can tell.” Niemi laughed. Through the slight awkwardness and Colm’s discomfort of his full stomach, they enjoyed their intimate moment. After about 10 minutes of Colm letting out burps, he leaned over to Niemi’s forehead and gave her a kiss. “Thanks.”

She was too flustered to say anything. But she didn’t need to. She laid there on his slightly chubby pec and cuddled. In the morning, Niemi was met with more love for Colm and Colm was met with new pounds of fat and a struggle to reach his pants over his butt, a result of his greed from his night before.

#i think i might do some modern fe characters next #or gerik because im obbessed with him #also most of my fics will be mlm im just doing them bc there cute #god my tags are so long #also if anyone wants to be friends my dms are open 🥺#fat emblem #feeder emblem #weight gain #stuffing #colm #neimi #fe8 #fic #oh and dont be afraid to send in asks #idk if ill do a lot of requests bc im picky but send them anyways

25 notes · View notes

ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 4 years

Text

Alright, everyone, this is a personal post as much as it’s a public post so feel free to scroll all the way down to the colored text for the public part of the message but if you, like me, enjoy drama, then continue on!

So, to make a very, very, very long story short for those who don’t know, I call my birth mother Mother Gothel due to her emotionally abusive upbringing of me that caused me to suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and even hair loss! A few years ago, back in 2016, my friend-turned-sister drove down with her mother, packed me and my bags up, and gave me a place to live and start over where I’ve been able to get jobs, go to school, and become much healthier than I used to be!

During those years of growth and recovery, however, I kept in contact with Gothel through emails and the occasional phone call. Over the years, from the safety of being hundreds of miles away, I told her that I was gay and dating a girl. The resulting emails were not pleasant and she had no problems about calling my girlfriend a whore. Lovely, right?

Every email she has sent me has contained detailed bible quotes and scripture and needles of guilt over everything I’m doing “wrong.” She’s still “so proud of me,” however. So at least there’s that, right?

As of recently I emailed her and told her that I will be attending a four-year university in Tacoma Washington (moving away from Illinois) to continue my education. Her resulting email was lengthy. Here is some of it - cut for length.

Hi Michelle.

...

You have to watch everything you say this day and time, at least that is what Jesus said in the Book of Matthew 5:37-- "Let your Yes be Yes, and let your No be No. Anything else is from the evil one." (anotherwords the devil will take your words you speak and trip and mess you up land you in jail or prison for 10 yrs)That would be really sad after you work so hard for an education and degrees then let him mess you up but read in John 10:10--the enemy comes to steal--kill--destroy--but Jesus said I have come so that you may have life and have it more abundantly. That is why Jesus said in Proverbs 18:21" Life and death are in the power of the tongue"

...

I was telling Mom on the phone just this morning we talked for two hours-- that I was going to get a restaurant job here as soon as possible and let it move me out of here--I am moveing to Battle Creek or Marshall by Sept (labor day) and that I was sooo excited that I would finally get to see you, she said either her or Carl would drive me to [REDACTED] every now and then to see you. So Yes, I feel like a bomb was just dropped on me, my heart is broken, however I hope you will be happy and I wish you well in body and spirit-- I wish you nothing but the best. Just know one thing is for sure, I read my Bible and I will tell you right now, we are living in our last days you need to be concerned about where you are going to spend eternity. I just finished up reading the book of Matthew. In Matthew 21:25 The Heading Reads: "The Coming of the Son of Man" vs 25- And their will be signs in the Sun, the Moon, the Stars--mens hearts will fail them for fear and the expectation of those things which are coming on the earth, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. vs 27--THEN they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with Power and Great Glory. Now when these things begin to happen, look up and list up your heads, because your redemption draws near". Jesus said He would give us signs in the Heavens above and the earth beaneath. All of the earthquakes that have been happening for the last decade leading up to the Austrailian wildfires, and billions of animals died, God is giving us the signs, its just like He said in Matthew 24:36-44.

Lastly, 1 Thessalonians 4 :13--But I do not want you to be ignorant brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God wil bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from Heaven With A SHOUT--with the voice of an archangel, and with the Trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rist first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord, Therefore Comfort one another with these words.

After the Rapture, then comes the tribulation. I have read Revelation many times and to say the least you don't want to be left behind. In Heaven their will be 30 mins of silence that is when all Hell breaks loose down here. Just whatever you do, Do NOT take the mark of the beast if you do, then you will mark your soul for eternal damnation. Then you will hear the devil say----"Hello! Welcome to Hell!

I am saying all of this bcuz now you have a choice to live for God or for Satan. If something should happen to your body or God forbid but if someone tries to take your life or you get in an accident and your heart is not right with God--That is exactly how you will stand at the Judgement Bar. The minute you take your last breath in this body, you will be ushered into the presence of God then it is too late to make a decision there it is if the Angel does not find your name in the Book of Life, then the devil stands there waiting to escourt you to------Well lets just say---You Don't want to go there. But the Bible says you will answer for every deed done in the body good and bad.I know one thing, it can't be too much longer according to scripture. The greatest tool the enemy uses from his toolbox is that you have plenty of time--well I can say the devil is a liar cuz Jesus just says--Be Ready it is not up to us how long we get to stay down here, that is God's calling.Second Timothy 3----But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of truth.

Sister, we are living in our last days, make every day that God gives you breath in your body count bcuz you don't know when it will be your last day. There is pleasure in sin for a season--Hebrews 11:24. Whatever you do, don't let the devil take your life and your soul, it is not worth it.

Love You So Much and want to make sure your soul doesn't go to H---. I am praying that you will have a preacher as a husband.I miss you Michelle, I miss hugging you, I miss walking up those stairs to bring your meals to you I would LOVE to hug you just one more time. That may or may not happen before He Returns ony God knows this.Please write me back when you can, you are always on my heart and mind. I have made mistakes while we were all living at 2414, I am so very sorry I pray that you forgive me if I have offended you please forgive me, I thought I had it all together. But now I see, I was just messed up and made lots of wrong choices, but God came along with His Holy broom and cleaned up my mess and said to move on. I am so glad when He forgives our sins, He forgets never no more to be remembered. All I can say is ---Thank-you Jesus.

...

Love You Forever my dearest Daughter and Friend.

This is the average email from her and I’ve been told that it’s not normal to receive emails this long talking about how she’s ‘devastated’ by my choices and how the world is going to end in hellfire soon. Please allow me, however, to show the email she immediately sent after the above.

[T]acoma is Washington's most dangerous city, with a violent crime rate of 953 incidents per 100,000 residents. While this is a relatively high rate — the 96th worst in the country — the city's incidence of property crime stands out even more. ... Indeed, the city had the country's 15th highest property crime rate in 2016

The overall crime rate in Tacoma is 138% higher than the national average. For every 100,000 people, there are 16.81 daily crimes that occur in Tacoma. Tacoma is safer than 3% of the cities in the United States. In Tacoma you have a 1 in 17 chance of becoming a victim of any crime.

Have you done the research for this city?They said Tacoma is the most violent city in Washington,I love you and want you to be happy. There are sooo many universities with the same opportunities.

How would you get around, does your friend drive? I did see how beautiful the area is but you just have to be careful I guess everywhere you go.

As you can see, she immediately invalidates my choice - something I was very truly wonderfully excited about - and sends me a message that triggers my anxiety. I should note that she did not allow me out of the house without her even when I was an adult and over 18. If I went somewhere she had to be there with me.

Ah, but now we come to today and the email that spurred this post to creation. The above emails were sent two days ago and I have yet to respond. The email below was sent just today.

Hi Michelle.

While I cannot apologize for what I said, It was not my intention to offend you in any way. I just went to google and typed in most dangerous city in the state of Washington and Tacoma popped up, that is out of 100 cities in the state.Okay, I know you say you have been there and all and you are no match for all of the evil there. God forbid, should something happen to you--you would be just another name and another number to them there is no much evil there they can't control it, I say to you just watch on a daily basis all of the crime that goes on in that sin city.

You better be praying about this cuz I don't think God would want you to put yourself in harms way--make a wiser choice, and God will bless you for it.Look at what happened to kobe bryant incident.... they met a very bad situation face to face and of course their was no way they could turn that around. My whole point of conversation.....sure you can do what you want bcuz you are an adult grown woman, but I would strongly advise you to pray to God about it and make a wise choice here, your life and future depends on right choices you make now.

What about University of Michigan in Ann Arbor or East Lansing University, Michigan University Kalamazoo, they are on the ten universities in Michigan. You need to reconsider your decision and think about your resourses you can get more help from family bcuz I have all kinds of family up there and I will be up there soon. You are no match for Tacoma Washington. I only say this bcuz you are my daughter and I don't want something really bad come out of this just bcuz you are trying to get an education behind you--this calls for wise decisions.

You may never speak to me again, but I just want to inform you that you need to be very very cautious here.

Love You Forever.

...

“You may never speak to me again.”

...

This is the last email I have read from her and it will remain the last email I will ever read from her. I also will not be sending her any emails ever again because you know what?

Her scared, anxious daughter Michelle Jean Anderson died and I’m what’s left - and I’m sick of her shit.

So, hello, everybody! My name is Andy Alex Anderson and my pronouns are he/him (or they/them if you panic and forget) and it’s a pleasure to meet you!

#everafterupdates #everafterrambles #original #welp okay this is poste dit's on the internet forever now #haaaa #okay #long post

33 notes · View notes

notwhoiwanttobeyet · 3 years

Text

tumblr journal [1]

NOTE: hi pLeasE don’t read this. this is just a way of coping with my mental illnesses. this is completely unedited, highly personal and i stRonGLy advise you look away. i hope you’re having a good day! happy holidays :)

also don’t mind the spotify links along the way; just some songs i almost or did cry to while writing this

tw: suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, (breast) cancer

hey tumblr,

it’s been a while since i’ve really vented. a lot of us use tumblr as a copying mechanism (me included) and i think it’s important i evaluate my current situation and break things down.

https://open.spotify.com/track/1WVunZLZM2zLTm5rAvKZkF?si=a94u_JAsRX2VCWOD6z4l-Q

exam season is over; i’m on summer break. and that’s great. no more school. no more exams and assignments and testing and all that FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT THE SYSTEM PUTS US THROUGH. i’m sorry, i’m trying to stay calm but it’s so fuckiNg hard. i’m literally going to cry i- so yeah, as we know, towards the end of the year school fucked me over and i really, reaLLY, REALLY wanted to die. so when school finished i was like “oh i must be all good now, right?” but i wasn’t. i was left feeling so numb, to be completely honest (and cliche).

then i got sick which was soooo fucked. apparently a lot of people who went to our small friend kris kringle gathering got sick which sucks but because i spent so much of this year in isolation, i forgot what it felt like to be sick and oh bOY it fucking sucked. i over exaggerated because i’m sensitive and wanted to die. i was sick for like a week and my parents quarantined me because my mum is recovering from a breast cancer surgery and couldn’t afford to get sick so i was like locked in my room- on my own- which yeah, i do anyway but this felt sooo different. this felt like, completely fuckEd because my parents were wearing masks around the house and would leave food in my doorway, etc. i felt like a complete MONSTER to the people i love. i also obviously couldn’t hug them or anything, leaving me touch starved and ugh- it just wasn’t a great experience.

also my mum is recovering fine and stuff but it’s an emotional fucking time for everyone and i’m so stupid i haven’t told anyone about my mum being sick and all. like people don’t ask why i’m acting up because i’m ALWAYS acting up. i’m always sensitive and angry and having mood swings. that’s just me, being mentally ill. so no one asks why i’m worried. my mum has/had BREAST CANCER- brooo. she’s had one surgery which went well and will most likely have to have chemo and/or radiation in the coming year. we get the results back after christmas. so that’s a thing.

i have a secure group of friends which i’ve always wanted, but it doesn’t feel right. it never feels right. like today the three of us went shopping and THEY WENT CRAZY- i was so stressed and had literally like 6 different mental breakdowns in the 2 hours we were out. they were bumping into people, running around, trying on every item of clothing ironically in every store. that shit stresses me out. and there’s nothing wrong with that- they’re good people and they’re not doing anything wrong really - it’s just normal teenage stuff. but i’m note normal, i’m super anxious and everyone was looking at us and it made me sooo uncomfortable. like- i could elaborate more but thinking about it hurts. i felt like i was their mum or something, shepherding them around and making sure they didn’t break anything else. they- UGH// they broke a perfume bottle and rudely ran away from a teacher i have a good reputation with. like i said, they’re just normal teenagers but it fucks me up. it’s not them, it’s me. on the bright side i saw this same lesbian couple i saw the other day again :) i never see wlw or mlm couples in public really so it makes me soo happy when i see them :) i also saw this girl in an unnus annus hoodie and i was gonna say something but i’m too *anxious* so i just stared at her until she looked at me weirdly and i ran out of the store. oH and there was a girl in an mcr shirt ahh-- she was really pretty but i was too busy running it was a whole thing like my mum was coming to pick me up and i had 10 minutes so i ran up from one end of the mall to the other and then upstairs to this store to but this fucking wonderwomen shirt and then i had to run all the way back and i’m not the most athletic to say the least and i wanted to CRY but yeah. what did i learn today? people aren’t for me. friends aren’t for me. and again i know i’m built to be alone.

https://open.spotify.com/track/7wTqEW5nrMhvyEhEyTnOMd?si=ata2BwOPQji3twov9wTZWg

i’m really thirsty. ew not like tha- i fucking hate society

cinnamon rolls not gender rolls. wait my friend got that on a poster let me see if i can find it,,,

yeah here it is ^^^^

also: my hair. i’m so happy having it the length it is but mAn i just- i just- i hate myself lol. like i don’t know what else to say. i think i’m ugly and every time i look in the mirror i want to cry, and it’s going to be like that forever so i need to just except that. i am ugly, i hate myself. like- bro come on. it’s been like this forever and it’s going to continue to be like this forever so i need to stop fucking crying over it.

https://open.spotify.com/track/05JtBVWRtSzqLoj7jj30kn?si=30W4pt7dT8G3cbzaUMqldw

oh my god this song i’m about to cry. this is what i want. why can’t i just be- not me!!!

these past few days i’ve literally been playing minecraft bed wars all day. like all day. and it was okay but now my eyes hurt and my head hurts and my hands hurt and i hate myself and everything hurts.

also- music doesn’t feel right. it’s been like this for a while now, it’s getting better though. before i couldn’t listen to any music at all - now i’ve been listening to kid krow on repeat : )

god bless you, conan. my number one song currently is *cough* E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE (which they are btw) which is- fucking terrifying and funny at the same time. i genuinely like CORPSE though- i’ve watched every among us stream and i love his songs- in the past i would have considered myself a simp (?) maybe (?) but i had a nightmare about it and i can’t awifjisenf simp no more. i still appreciate him, i just- had an awakening.

sexuality crises also suck a whole bunch. there was a 1-2 day phase a few weeks ago where i was low key PRAYING to be a lesbian lmfao. like it sounds stupid but i was crying over that shit. background info: no i’m not one of those straight girls, i’m a bisexual female who’s almost a full on raging homosexual except i am attracted to men. and i wish i wasn’t, believe me when i say that. but i have realised i am bi so it’s okay. i thought i was a lesbian and awilfjnawr labels but no, i am slightly attracted to men sometimes. but to answer your question if i am lucky enough my future wife and i will be married and living in a cottage.

ugh. life. bru h i’m actually a train wreck- i had an anxiety attack crying trying to find my childhood tinkerbelle and friends dolls the other night. and then to make matters worse, i found them in a box with a whole bunch of other dolls in the same box including StRawBerrY ShoRtCaKe doLLs and i smelt my stawberry shortcake doll hesitantly while crying and she still smelled like her strawberry scent and i was DEAD.

https://open.spotify.com/track/1F6IbA7di42uPc3cff8PXV?si=COKcG_UbQh-GhKYJ5vtIgg

ugh. so this has been my update so far. oh wait-

christmas. holy shit how is it christmas. i want dEatH like. reasons why i’m sad for christmas: it doesn’t feel like christmas so i feel like i’m not going to enjoy it, i’ve had no motivation to clean my room so the contents of my wardrobe is all over my floor because i was mid resorting the drawers when i got sick, i’ve wanted to ask for doc martens and my chemicals romance + other artists’ merch all year but i have SEVERE ANXIETY so of course i didn’t and now my parents have gone and bought me a new phone or something which of course i’m grateful for but my iphone 6s works just fine. it’s a waste of money which we need at the moment but because i’m too anxious i didn’t ask for anything this year so my parents have just chosen to spoil me and- aW SHIT! i can’t=

anyway so that’s my bullcrap life. i mean my bullshit rant. am i glad i did this? yes. do i feel any better? kinDa? i don’t know okay. what am i going to do now? i don’t know. probably lie on the floor and drown in self pity in hopes of melting into the abyss. i might read my book which i’ve yet to finish. maybe reading can be my knew things, seeing as i have zero hobbies. i read like once in a blue moon.

this is it for now, good luck, future me.

sincerely,

jordan ♡

https://open.spotify.com/track/7B3z0ySL9Rr0XvZEAjWZzM?si=HyWPKutjRTuPumafim7_Vw

1 note · View note

horansqueen · 5 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 28

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.3k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: please forgive me

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 28 : His chapter

NIALL

I was happy to have found my best friend back. It seemed like everything was back to normal, or almost. I split my time between Liv and Maya and I was trying to satisfy both, although Maya demanded more attention than I would have thought at the beginning. We had our occasional disputes, I couldn't lie, and most of them were about my best friend, but I was trying not to think about it and I never mentioned it to Olivia.

"Niall? Are you listening to me?"

"Mm?"

I looked up from my phone to look at my girlfriend. She looked pissed and glanced at the plate in front of me. Most of the time, she preferred to eat out and it sort of bothered me but if it saved us from an argument, I was in.

"You barely ate anything." she pointed out, raising her eyebrows.

I looked at her plate and then back up in her eyes.

"Your plate is pretty full too." I argued, moving my chin a bit as my eyes found my phone again.

I wanted to mention that she barely ate at all but I kept my mouth shut because I knew it was a touchy subject for her. Still, I worried about her and I was surprised she insisted on going out to eat since she barely did in the end. Perhaps it was only to make people believe she ate and not get any question. I felt my phone vibrate and looked down at it, quickly typing an answer to the message I just got. The conversation about food seemed to be over but when I heard her voice again, my heart jumped slightly.

"What's so interesting on your phone, Niall? Can't we just eat together and talk?"

I sighed, maybe a bit too loud, and put my phone back in my pocket, feeling it vibrate again immediately but trying to ignore it.

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

Her face changed and she looked down, making me believe that the conversation we were about to have was not a fun one. I breathed in deeply but subtly, trying to remain calm no matter what she'd say but knowing it wouldn't be easy.

Maya was more and more jealous as time went by. It had been a few weeks since Harry and Olivia broke up and since then, she had become a bit possessive and got mad almost every time i'd hang out with my best friend. She'd text me a few times an hour, ask many questions about what we did and said. and one time, she even showed up at Liv's, pretending she was 'in the neighborhood'. It was not easy and we had that talk a hundred times, but I was starting to think that things would never change.

"I've seen the picture." she let out, making me frown. I was about to ask her what pictures she was talking about but she continued. "Of you and her... kissing."

Once again she put emphasis on the 'her' which is something she always did when it came to Olivia. I couldn't remember the last time she actually pronounced her name.

"What are you..."

I didn't have time to finish, she moved her phone up and showed me a picture from the day before. It was all over google, or it seemed, and I could see a very bad picture from very far away of a supposed and obscure kiss between my best friend and I. The angle was shady and although it was probably not photoshopped, it also was clearly not what was happening for real. I chuckled and rolled my eyes, taking a bite of my cold of pastas.

"You know it's just the angle, right?" I asked with an obvious tone full of judgement.

She breathed in, her facial expression turning into a angry one as she brought her phone closer to her, leaving it on the table. She moved closer to me, leaning against the table a bit, and sighed again.

"I think it is exactly what I see."

With my fork still in hand, i leaned against the table too to talk in a low tone.

"Three or four years ago there was a picture of Harry and I kissing that appeared online with a bunch of different articles titled ridiculous shit like 'Harry Styles' New Squeeze Is His One Direction Bandmate Niall Horan' and I can assure you Harry and I never kissed even if you would doubt it with the picture." I explained roughly but in a whisper. "It's what these people do, it's their job to start bullshit about celebrities. I'm sure you had your fair share. So if I tell you this picture is not real and that I was not kissing Olivia, then you should trust me."

She blinked a few times and shook her head and although I knew I hadn't convinced her of anything, I also knew she didn't have any argument to keep this fight going. Or I thought so.

"So you're not having sex with her?"

I choked on my beer and cleared my throat before swallowing hard. All I could think about was the time I fingered my best friend and how I came all over myself from it. It was very weird to think about it while looking at my girlfriend but I finally sighed. I hadn't touched Liv in that way or cheated on Maya again ever since and even if I couldn't pretend I hadn't thought about it, I had been physically faithful to her. Well, except that one time.

"Why would you even ask that?" I wondered rudely, a bit louder this time. "How many times do I have to tell you that she's just my best friend?"

I felt my heart jump in my chest as if i had just expressed a lie and maybe I had. Can someone really be just a friend if you also have sexual thoughts about them?

"Then why don't you ever make love to me?"

Her tone was rude but her voice was low and it seemed even rougher this way. It felt like a slap in the face and I held my breath, staring at her as the anger showed on my face turned into annoyance and a bit of embarrassment. I could feel my cheeks burn, not because I was not banging regularly a girl like Maya or because she was talking about it in public but simply because of the reason why.

"You know... love is a big thing and.."

"Fine." she cut me. "Why don't we have sex, then? Better?"

I cleared my throat without answering her question and licked my lips before looking up in her eyes. I was not having sex with Maya because I was too horny for someone else. It had never happened to me before but it was the truth. Maya and I fought a lot and argued and whenever it would happen, I clearly was not in the mood to be lovey with her. Even on our good days though, I couldn't do it. I had tried and we had a few times, but most of the time i'd find an excuse. Sometimes, i'd even wait until she was asleep to join her in bed, which resulted in many nights spent on the couch since I would end up falling asleep in the living room instead. The last time I had tried to have sex with Maya, I thought about my best friend and it felt so wrong that I had to stop and pretended I had a migraine. Yes, a fucking migraine. I was pathetic. I had this gorgeous model in my bed and I couldn't think with my cock for just an hour in order to shag her.

"I've just been tired and busy." I let out as if it explained anything. "Are you really mad about that? Seriously?"

She didn't answer but pressed her lips together, staring at me as I shook my head.

"Jealousy doesn't look good on you." I pointed out, playing with my cold food by running my fork a bit too violently in my plate.

"If you're not getting it from me, you're getting it somewhere else. I know how men work, Niall."

I sent her a frown and then scoffed, shaking my head again. I couldn't believe we were having this discussion and it made me feel like shit. Did I really want to go through that all the time? Of course, I didn't imagine Maya and I to get married or anything and if I wanted to be honest with myself, I didn't even see myself dating her in the long run. Perhaps this whole relationship was not worth trying to save after all.

"Really now?" I asked, slightly pissed now. "You know how men work? Well then I hope you saw this coming."

I grabbed the cloth napkin I had placed on my lap and wiped my hands with it before throwing it in my plate a bit roughly and looking up in her eyes. She seemed surprised but I knew she knew exactly what I was doing. I leaned closer to her again and stared at her for a few seconds.

"I'm tired of this. We're done."

With an annoying noise, I pushed my chair back and got up, grabbing my coat and diving both my hands in my pockets as I walked away. I stopped when I met our waiter and gave him two bills of a hundred to make sure everything was covered and to apologize if we disturbed other clients. I just wanted to be far from here as soon as possible and I thanked him before leaving quickly.

I breathed in deeply when I stepped out, the cold winter air reaching my nose and making me feel suddenly lighter. Was it wrong of me to feel so relieved to be single again? Perhaps, but I couldn't help it. I waved for a cab and quickly got in but giving the driver my best friend's address instead of mine. I really needed to see her and I felt like I hadn't seen her in way too long.

---

I stood in front of her apartment building, my hands still in my pockets as the cab disappeared behind me. I didn't know if it was a good idea and I knew I was here unannounced but even if it hadn't happened in a while, we used to do that all the time. I wasn't sure she was there as I rang the bell but I decided that if she was not, i'd get inside and wait for her anyway, no matter how long it would take for her to come back.

It took longer than expected for the door to unlock and I put my keys back in my pockets, opening the door and rushing upstairs. When I knocked, the door opened slightly and Liv's face appeared, making my smile grow bigger.

"Hey, sorry I didn't call." I apologized, licking my lips. "Can I come in?"

I was excited to see her, impatient to tell her we'd get to spend more time together and explain that I was single now.

"Uhm, yea, of course."

She took a step behind and I pushed on the door slightly and walked quickly inside.

"So guess wh-" I stopped myself suddenly, my voice stuck in my throat as my smile fell. "Harry?"

My bandmate was there, sitting on her couch with half a blanket on him while the other was moved. She was clearly sitting there before opening the door and I noticed how close they must have been from each other. There was a movie on pause in the background and I tried to make sense of the scene in front of me.

My eyes found her again and I frowned, taken aback by the fact that I had not seen this coming at all. Perhaps I was too busy fighting with Maya to realize Olivia and Harry were hanging out again and I hated it. I hated it more than I could explain.

"Wow, really?" I asked, getting pissed for the second time tonight. "Him? Here?"

She frowned and shook her head a bit before shrugging but I didn't let her talk.

"You didn't even think to tell me that you two were spending time together?" I added, not giving her time to talk. "You didn't think to mention that you wanted to try again with him or that you had feelings for him again? What am I to you? Are we even still best friends?"

"Niall, it's not what you-"

"No, wait." I cut her. "I come here to tell you I dumped Maya and I find you cuddling Harry?" I shook my head and scoffed, slipping my hand in my hair and turning on my heels so my back was facing her.

"It's really not what you think, Niall."

Hearing Harry's voice pissed me off even more and I shut my eyes tight with a groan. I wanted to tell him to mind his own business but I was scared that this business was now his, too. I missed the days Olivia and I were both single and always together but it seemed like it wouldn't be happening again. At least, not soon. Fucking Harry. I knew I was mad at him for no reason but I couldn't help it.

"He's right." Liv agreed with him, twisting something in my stomach. "And we weren't cuddling."

I turned back to her swiftly, raising my eyebrows as my lips parted.

"Don't lie to me, I have two functioning eyes!"

"Oh my god Niall calm down!"

Her voice took me by surprise and I took a step back as Harry got up from the couch slowly and walked up to her, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. That display of affection made me want to puke.

"I'll leave you two, call me okay?"

She nodded and he smiled before turning to me and giving me a short head movement as a goodbye. His hand slipped from her arm and I watched it, holding my breath the whole time. We waited until the door closed behind him and I breathed in but we stayed silent, just staring at each other. She seemed to glow and I didn't want it to be because of him. She moved two locks of hair behind both her ears and I surprised myself wishing I was the one who pushed them out of her face with more delicateness than the way she had done it.

I thought she'd propose me a drink and that we'd talk sitting on her couch but she just brought her arms closer, crossing them over her chest and bringing her shoulders up.

"Harry and I are just friends, Niall, that's all."

I hated that answer and it reminded me that I gave the exact same one to everyone who asked about me and her. Why did I have such a hard time believing it when it came from her mouth? Perhaps it was because it was hard to believe when it came out of mine.

"I'm not getting back with him, Niall."

I sighed and shook my head, bringing my hands to my hair and pulling on it a bit too hard. I don't know why I was getting so mad but I couldn't help it. It was raising inside me like a volcano near boiling and I closed my eyes, pacing quickly in a small circle and letting out a few groans. I couldn't seem to ease the anger I was feeling and it was making me even angrier.

"You know what? I don't believe you!" I let out.

"Why?" she asked with a frown, taking a step closer. "I won't go back with him!"

"And why wouldn't you go back with him mm?" I asked a bit too loud, throwing my arms in the air in a ridiculous way. "He's perfect, he clearly still has feelings for you and you two didn't really have any reason to break up."

"Because... that's not how it works, Nee." she replied, shaking her head and avoiding my eyes.

I blinked a few times, staring at her, breathing in as my hands formed fists. I could feel my nails digging gently in my palms and the word escaped my mouth in a yell. "WHY?"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU OKAY!?"

Silence. All I could hear was the pace of my heartbeats accelerating in my chest. My muscle loosened and I opened my hands as my shoulders fell.

"What?"

My voice was low, almost inaudible.

"I love you Niall. I'm in love with you." she added, swallowing hard. "I've always been. Since the day I found out what love was, I knew the love of my life was you. I didn't stop loving you, not even half a second. It's always been you, and no one else."

"That makes... no sense." I whispered, shaking my head and taking a step back despite myself.

"Except it makes all the sense in the world, Niall, don't you think?" I watched her tilt her head on the side and it hit me just how vulnerable she looked. "Don't you think we make sense?"

"As best friends, yea." I explained now completely calm. "As.. maybe a bit more than that, sure. We make sense as ambiguous best friends that people question, okay, I get that."

I stared at her, unsure if my heart had stopped or was going too fast for me to feel the beats. Weirdly, I wanted to take her in my arms and beg her to take her words back so everything could go back to normal. Why didn't I see this before? Or did I? Why didn't I want to see this before?

Her emotions changed, her face softening but also turning into a sad expression. I felt like shit, I felt out of place, I felt guilty... and all these feelings couldn't seem to make me find the right words.

"But Olivia, you and I? As a couple?" I shook my head, raising my eyebrows and bringing my shoulders up. "No, it doesn't make sense. It wouldn't work."

I was searching for her eyes but she was avoiding any contact and we remained motionless and in silence for a few minutes. It was awkward and I couldn't put a finger on the last time it was awkward between us.

"Do you love me, Niall?"

Her eyes finally met mine and my lips parted at her question. I pushed my hands deep in my pockets and shook my head slightly.

"You always ask me that question. My answer is still the same."

She took a step closer and my gaze followed her. The closer her body was getting, the harder my heart was beating. Why did this have to happen?

"I mean real love."

She didn't try to add anything else, we both knew what she meant and we both knew I was avoiding the question. She took an other step closer and I looked down in her eyes as her chin moved up. My eyes roamed in her face, trying to memorize every single detail : the way her tin lips were slightly parted, the way her green eyes had an halo of gold around the pupils, the way her button nose moved up delicately when she talked. I brought one of my hands to her cheek, slowly and gently, and ran my thumb on her skin. She looked on the verge to cry and I didn't want to admit that I felt tears coming, too. I was losing my best friend.

"I can't." I just said, taking a step back and feeling my hand slip from her face before letting my arm fall. "I'm sorry."

I sighed and closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying to stop my whole body from throbbing and finally just shook my head before turning around.

"Niall..."

I swallowed hard and breathed in without turning back to look at her.

"I'm sorry."

And then I did the worst thing I could have done. I left.

----

My whole body was burning and throbbing and I stopped running as soon as I was out of her building, holding myself on my knees with my hands, my eyes closed. It felt horrible, like I was trapped in a closed elevator in-between two levels... like I was stuck in a secluded and locked place without being able to get out. I had a hard time breathing and I tried to concentrate on inhaling and exhaling to get back to normal.

It took a while but when my crisis was over, I moved up again and searched for my phone in my pockets. I realized my hands were shaking when I tried typing a message but I finally hit 'send'. It took me longer than I thought but I eventually found a cab and ended up in bar, sitting on a stool and drinking a beer. I was twisting it in my hands without tasting it, probably warming the liquid with the palm of my hand pressed on the bottle. I felt someone sit next to me but it's only when I heard his voice that I looked up.

"Six tequila shots." Louis ordered, looking at the barman before turning to look at me and then back at the man behind the counter. "No wait, make it eight, please and thank you."

"Oh I'm not getting drunk." I pointed out with a frown.

"Fuck yes you are." Louis chuckled. "I'm seeing your face and you clearly need it. What happened? You broke up with Maya?"

I scoffed and looked back at my beer, taking of sip of it and grimacing slightly.

"That's not why I asked you to meet here, I just needed company."

I was not sure if it was a lie or if it was only half a lie but it didn't matter. Louis knew me too well and when he laughed, I knew he didn't believe anything I said. The barman came back and aligned the eight shots in front of us as Louis handed him a bill and my eyes roamed on the shots slowly.

"Let's drink half of them then you can tell me what the fuck is wrong Neil, okay?"

I rolled my eyes at the nickname and grabbed one, quickly downing it and turning the shots around, putting it back on the counter with a light thud before grabbing the other one and doing the same. My throat was burning because of the alcohol and so were my eyes but there was clearly no link with the shots. I rubbed both my eyes and sighed again but when I turned to Louis, he was waiting.

"Olivia told me she loved me."

Louis blinked a few times and shook his head.

"Okay... and?"

I opened my eyes in surprise. I had expected a different reaction : a loud laughter, a shocked expression, or even a grimace... but indifference? No, I hadn't seen that coming at all.

"And?" I repeated, raising my eyebrows. "She loves me, Louis. She LOVES me."

This time, Louis laughed and shook his head, pushing an other shot on the counter to get it closer to me.

"Because you're gonna tell me you didn't know before she told you?"

He grabbed a shot and brought it to his lips. I watched him as he swallowed the third and the fourth, grimacing and finally turning to look at me. I was not really sure why it was Louis I had called. Probably because he was the first contact I found, or maybe because I knew he was going to tell me things the way he sees them. He was going to tell me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear.

"N-No..."

"Then you're a fooking idiot, Niall."

"Thanks Tommo, that really helps." I let out with sarcasm, raising my nose and drinking my last shots before grabbing my beer again.

"So, you two are dating now?" he asked, taking the cigarette from behind his ear to place it between his lips.

My face twisted in an other grimace and my nose raised up at his words as he took his lighter out of his pockets. I watched as he lighted it up and inhaled a long puff, letting the smoke come out from his nose. I was not even sure it was allowed to smoke in this bar.

"No, of course we're not dating. I don't.. We're not..." It seemed like I couldn't finish my sentence and I sighed a bit too loud.

"Let's face it Niall. The only thing that would change if you two started dating would be holding hands and having sex. It doesn't sound too terrible does it?"

He tapped on his cigarette and the ash fell on his napkin before he licked his lips. I tried to think about having sex with Liv every day and holding her hand... I tried to think about cuddling her at night, dancing with her in the living room, having conversations in the AM all the time. Louis was right, most of those were things we already did.

"But dating means love, it means a steady relationship, it means being faithful and owing your time and heart to someone. it implies a lot more than I can give her. I can't give her that."

"Can't or won't?"

"I hate you, Tommo." I groaned, grabbing my beer again and drinking what was left of it.

"You're scared, that is pretty obvious." Louis said, his lips moving a bit as he shrugged. "But it's time you man up and admit how you feel. Or i'm telling you, mate. You're gonna lose her. And this time, it may be forever."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #amc #i just want to post the next chapter tbh!!!

84 notes · View notes