#and then it wasn’t till like a year ago so like age 28

[missjanjie]

Need some advice from someone not invested in the situation,so don't mind the vent:

My mother is hell-bent on my returning to complete a degree programme that I was in when I was a teenager (17 or so). Here's the thing though. I was so unhappy doing this programme that I couldn't even go to class without getting anxious or wanting to throw up. Grades-wise, I was fine, I suppose(the pass mark for this particular degree was a B, so 60%). But I grew to hate the programme itself because my anxiety was through the roof.

So, my Registrar saw the state I was in and suggested that I take a break and do an unassociated(heh) Associate Degree till I got myself together mentally. As of currently, I'm the top student in that particular Associate Degree and having a great time(and my anxiety's practically non-existent).

Here's the issues though. My mother hates that I've "downgraded" myself by doing an Associate Degree and continues to insist that I was "tricked" into doing it by the Registrar(who was genuinely trying to help). So,to fix my supposed "mistake", I should immediately return to the original Bachelor's Degree I was doing and complete it (despite the visceral trauma it caused me) because "everyone else in your age group has Master's Degrees and PHDs and you have nothing to show" (I'm 22).

But the thing is, why not get a Bachelor's Degree in a different subject area? I'm not opposed to higher education at all,but she's so fixated on the original Bachelor's Degree (in STEM) that I was doing that she can't let it go. She brings it up every chance she gets. I could be drinking a glass of water and she'll find a way to bring it up. Going so far as to say that it's what God wants me to do(I'm sure God wouldn't want me actively having panic attacks while doing what He supposedly wants me to do, but I digress).

So,yeah. What do I do? Where do I even go from here? If I make suggestions about an alternate path,she'll either ignore me, talk over me or segway into talking about my original Bachelor's Degree programme and how I should be graduating right now.

(Sorry for the long rant. Kinda don't have anyone to get my feelings out to IRL.)

unless you live in a weird mensa cult I don’t think people your age have masters/phd’s. people my age don’t have phd’s and only those in specific fields (usually teaching or social work) have masters and im 28.

also i have a little anecdote that while may not provide answers, can offer some perspective. when i was in college i took a feminist studies course and in that class was a 72 year old woman. i initially assumed she was just auditing the class (ie taking it for fun) but she explained to me that she was finishing her degree. i asked her what made her decide then and she told me “sure, i couldve gone back ten years ago or even twenty years ago. but that wasn’t where my journey was taking me.” point being, your journey is yours alone

there isn’t really anything you can do about your mom if you still live with her or are otherwise financially dependent on her except stay the course until you’re able to get out on your own or something like that. im assuming you’re not american based on some spelling, so i don’t really know the university system there so i could be off base

[arasduymaz]

character name: Aras Duymaz

age & birthday: 28 & July 28th, 1993

gender & pronouns: he/him

place of birth & time in Fallbrook: Born in Maryland & moved to Fallbrook 3 years ago

district: Eris

occupation: Professional poker player & occasional mechanic at Auto Collision & Restoration

faceclaim: Deniz Can Aktaş

secret: ???

CHARACTER BIOGRAPHY TWs: abortion mention, abuse, death

PAST

Aras’ mother never had it easy for herself. She was seventeen years old when she left Turkey behind and came to the states to join what little family she had here, trying to escape the cycle of abuse from the guy she was with, wanting to start a fresh. No one knew what she had been going through, it was more like they didn’t ask because they didn’t want to know. That whole situation became a lot harder when she learned she was pregnant and they had no option but to deal with what was to come. Of course, her uncle was the first to tell her to not go through with the pregnancy and the rest of the family agreed. When she didn’t, they sent her out to fend for herself. 

A struggling single mom who tried her absolute best for Aras, it was a real shame for him to watch the light inside of her be stomped out. For the longest time, it had just been her and Aras. Granted she was always working so he was often left with some form of babysitter until the second he was able to be left alone. He remembers walking all the way home from his elementary by himself, eating whatever she left for him that day and then waiting hours for her to finally come home only to be tucked into bed and while he was asleep she was gone again. It was a rarity to have her take a day off for them to spend it fully together.

The older he got, he couldn’t deny that he became a little shit and made things more difficult for her than she needed some days but when she allowed an asshole to come into their home, well he thought he was justified for the constant attitude. He had no idea why his mother found herself in another relationship in which the man offered her absolutely nothing but any time he tried to bring the matter up, especially the older he got, the worse their fights were. It hadn’t been too bad when the two first got together, typical type of arguments although rather excessive but those arguments turned to yelling on the guys part, getting up in Aras’ mothers face and then it became physical. The first time it happened that Aras saw, he was thirteen. She tried to tell him to ignore it, had to endure silently listening to the chaos until he ended up stepping in and taking the hits for her. 

This all went on for years and when Aras turned eighteen all he wanted to do was leave, but he didn’t want to leave her behind either. He begged his mother to leave the asshole once and for all and for whatever reason, she finally agreed. They didn’t go very far, one state over, but it might as well have felt like a whole other world when they landed in VA. Unfortunately, Aras only got two years with his mother, seeing her become her own person again, before she was ripped away from him entirely. Her passing was difficult for him to deal for him but just like he had left behind the last place they called home, he did the same again. He moved a couple times around VA over the years then traveled into NC doing the same till he gave Fallbrook a shot 3 years ago, been there ever since.

At no point in his life did Aras not know the struggle of having next to nothing. No matter how many hours his mother worked, she could barely make ends meet and even as a child he just knew things were difficult for them. The older he got the more and more he understood, he tried to help here and there but honestly if he wasn’t protecting her at home he would’ve rather been fucking around at parties and with whatever girl he had the attention of at the time. Whatever distraction he could get, he’d take. However, when he stumbled into a bar he definitely wasn’t old enough for, the group playing a round of poker allowed him to sit in and watch. He’d go back often and eventually they allowed him a seat at the table. Thus his love for poker/gambling was born.

Eventually that competitiveness and skill he had at it had him going off to actual tournaments to test if he was as good as he thought and he was, even getting a little reputation for himself amongst the scene over time. After all these years, he’s gotten real comfortable in the money it brings for him especially whenever he’s gotten himself in a bind (which he does quite often). Most of the tournaments he goes to are out of state, mainly in Florida so occasionally he fucks off for a week or two since it’s his main source of income but when he’s not making that money, he’s just your regular ol’ mechanic on the days he remembers to actually go in. 

Wanted plots & Headcanons

Guarded in that cocky, too cool to care, smirk that you want to slap off his face kind of way. So if someone wants to see past that bullshit it would be g r e a t. 

A roommate

[x-violentdelights]

                                         ADRIAN MONROE

Age: 28

Species: Shapeshifter 

Affiliation: Shifter Faction

Occupation: Research assistant in the history department at NYU

Relationship status: Single

Sexuality: Pansexual 

FC: Ksenia Solo

About Adrian

Never knew her father as her mother had a one night stand and raised Adrian alone till she was three years old when her mother met a man, married quickly and gave birth to another daughter, Adrian’s half sister. 

At the age of five, Adrian shifted into a wolf pup that she had seen at the zoo a day prior, having no idea what was happening to her in the slightest, the young girl was terrified, as were her mother and step-father and it was only two days later that Adrian came home from school to find her parents and baby sister gone; house completely emptied out and no sign that they’d return.

Scared and alone, the girl shifted again into her wolf pup (a wolf now being her default shift) and ran from her home, into the nearest woods where she lived as a wolf for six months. 

Came across Roman and his mother out in the woods six months later, running up to the woman and wanting to play with them both, happy to see other people, especially a mother and a child, a connection she lost which had broken her heart in a way that it would never be able to be repaired. For some reason, the two took the girl in (still as a wolf pup) and it wasn’t till they brought her home and the father, who was a werewolf, sniffed out the shifter and explained to the other two what she was. 

Adrian shifted back, hearing a little about what she was and though the father didn’t want her around; Roman and his mother still took her in and loved her right from the start as though she were their own.

Moved with Roman and her mum to NY to join the pack after Roman killed their father. Wanted to join the wolf pack like Roman and spent YEARS trying to do so as she was still quite young (ten or eleven) so technically faction-less but living with Roman and her mother regardless. 

Grew up with the wolves, not caring that she wasn’t part of the pack and began using her abilities to shift into places she shouldn’t have, stealing what she wanted, when she wanted and listening to other people’s gossip (her own way of rebelling and having something for herself as she still felt like an outcast with no real place for herself)

Is a party girl at heart and is usually the last one standing, not really knowing when she should call it quits. 

Go herself caught by Cassius before joining the shifter faction, stealing something she shouldn’t have been and ever since has been blackmailed by the vampire to spy or do whatever he wants as her brother is a beta and at one stage she was recruited by Vida because of her antics. 

Has been writing her supernatural book for the past five years and uses her job at the university to gather information. Got the job by doing a favour for a witch/warlock and having them spell the professor. 

Joined the shifter faction a couple years ago when it became painfully obvious that the wolves were never going to be an option and often feels torn between both. Feels very loyal to Gray but loves Max more than she can show.

Has extreme abandonment issues and often feels quite lonely and doesn’t know her worth because of her mother just leaving her. 

Connections

Roman Monroe – Adoptive brother and the one person Adrian feels she can truly count on at all times. Knows that no matter what, Roman would never leave her. 

Asher Danes/Chloe De Luca – Bestest friends since the day she met them and loves them both. Doesn’t know what she’d do without them and laughs because of course they’re wolves and she’s not. 

Gray – Proposed when she was ten, hasn’t stopped. Is actually quite upset at times that he wouldn’t let her into the pack when a lot see her as family. 

Max/Mace – The one’s that got her to join the faction and one’s she loves like family as Adrian never felt accepted by shifters because of her childhood. 

Kenna – Doesn’t know but Kenna is her half-sister. She goes by her middle name and her Grandparents last name as Kenna’s father and Adrian’s mother left her as well. Neither are aware of this. 

Cassius/Vida – kinda enemies really. 

Wanted Connections

Ex/current hookup? – Not overly important but lacking I suppose? 

Research buddy?? – she has a lot of connections really so again not that important. 

Warlock/Witch --- that got her the job? Would do favours for them I guess IDFK

[the-fiction-witch]

NSFW 100 Rafe Sadler

1. What's the dirtiest thought you've ever had about a total stranger? Hummm... I once as a boy, had a very dirty thought about one girl I saw across the way in church she was beautiful and I thought about doing things to her about us sitting side by side and touching each other but I never saw her again after that.

2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW? Now would be nice. But I like in the morning as the sunlight shines in across y/ns perfect skin watching the sunrise and the fire embers flicker thought the canopy on our bed as we make love in that sweet sleepy morning state

3. What's your favourite way to be seduced? Seduced? I don't know. I like to be touched not like... Overly sexually just like touch my arm, my hand, my hair something about it I just kinda like it

4. What's the dirtiest fantasy you've had at work? Ohhh! Once I was in the office with Cromwell going over some paperwork and some letters and my mind sort of drifted a minute and I imagined y/n coming in to dust and sitting on my lap letting me grind against her till I was hard and desperate for her and then she got down and sucked my cock but cromwell woke me up before I could imagine much more

5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance? I would not. No thank you.

6. What do you do when you get horny in public? Ignore it. I don't get horny In public often usual only when my little ladies getting frisky and wants a little attention so I usually just take her somewhere private and make sure she makes me feel better

7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom?

No. I have not and frankly that's sounds like a bad idea

8. What's the weirdest thing you've thought about while touching yourself?

I like to picture y/n. The strangest was when I hadn't known her too long and I imagined coming across her in the house as she was bathing, of her sat in the hot steamy water naked rubbing soap up her..... Uuuummmm I miss picturing that but I don't usually have to anymore

9. What's the strangest prop you've used to get yourself off? I once used a pillow and some intricately placed blankets within the case

10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused? I remember it well. I was only a young boy maybe ten, eleven. And I went down to the kitchens as I was still new in the cromwell household and I saw this girl, this woman who was doing the laundry and I saw as she was scrubbing the clothes down the washboard I could see her wet bouncy boobs in her dress and yeah it uhh did something to me.

11. Who gave you your first orgasm? I did. With my hand one dark winter night after looking at our new maid girl all day

12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like? It was amazing!

13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew?

I have not. I've thought about people I didn't know but never much else.

14. What's your favourite thing about a quickie? I love what they do so my little lady, y/n loved quickies and they drive her crazy which makes her very needy and very loud.

15. What the most sexually daring thing you've ever done?

I stood watching the maid girl in the kitchens as she was knelt down scrubbing the floor her dress all wet from the water she was washing it with, I had desired her a long time by this point and I just... I went over and slapped her butt kneeling down with her and rubbing myself on her ass, I'd barely even spoken to her yet but she resupricatid it back and we ended up losing our virginity to each other right there on the kitchen floor, and we've been happily and smuttily together ever since

16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers?

No! Damn I thought I was a horny little bastard

17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks?

No just y/n I like thinking about what's below her dresses

18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them?

I do. And then I usually make a note of it and make her do it once we get home.

19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?

I have, me and gregory grew up much like brothers as I was part of his father's and families service for so long being part of there household, and he thought of me much like a brother And infact still does but one night, we weren't that old he wanted to see if... That was something he liked and I admit I was curious so we kissed, and gently touched each other but we both agreed, it wasn't for us.

20. What inspires you to make the first move?

Hummm? How horny I am I guess?

21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed?

I think to be good in bed you have to be willing to change and be considerate of your partner, it's two of you working together and you have to work together it can't be about one or the other.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn't help yourself?

No! Many times richard and others have stopped places on trips but no. I wait till I get home so I can save it all up and ravish my little lady

23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush?

No! I adore y/n! After cromwell's I entered the king's household I could have had a lady, a princess, anyone I wanted but I staied with y/n until we got married because I love her so much

24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?

Y/n. Bathing.

25. What kind of porn turns you on?

Windows. I suppose. Well watching y/n

26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?

Yes! Usually because you ever been to tudor england, if we blow out the candles it's fucking dark ain't much to see anyways well it's my beautiful wifey but not much I can see in this level of darkness

27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?

Well I have tied her up a couple of times and she had too me too.

28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?

I like when y/n whispers to me especially in public or in meetings or other such things, once I had to go to court so I brought her along with me and as we sat watching the king speak about his new wife, she slipped her hand across my leg and whispered "please master Sadler, I miss you so bad it's dripping down my legs" Umm dirty little girly! And yes I did take her out at the first time I could and we had a quickie against the wall in the gardens of the palace.

29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex goddess?

Very sure princess xx

30. What's the dirtiest thing someone's ever said to you during sex?

Not during we don't take alot during but 'my waters getting a little cold maybe you could help me warm it up' as she was sat in the bath. Yeah.... That was a good day.

31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?

No!

32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?

No!

33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their "third"?

No thank you I am good

34. What's the most flattering thing someone's said about your naked body?

She usually just says how beautiful I am and how much she loves me which in happy with

35. When's the last time you had a vivid sex dream?

I do not have sex dreams. I have a sexy wife you see I just kinda turn over tap her and go hey... Sexy time?

36. What do you think an orgy would be like?

Weird! And I don't wanna be involved ever

37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?

Well... I don't think so, I wouldn't say I have.

38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?

I don't like one night stands

39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?

Myself? Ohh like five minutes, with y/n well it depends how mean she is to me

40. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

Water! Or we'll when stuff is wet like a wet corset, a wet dress, wet hair just ummm something about it is so hot

41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member? Close friends yes! Anyone my age in the house hold till they hired y/n.a

42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?

Yes. Many times

43. When's the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?

Many years ago before my first time

44. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you while hooking up?

I have cum to early alot and uhhh I think that's it

45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?

Very much and I know she liked watching too but I adore to watch her

46. What's the dirtiest text you've ever sent or received?

She once sent me a note that said she was in the bathroom waiting for me in a bubble bath

47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?

Uhhh windows

48. What's your favourite blowjob technique?

I like when she licks

49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?

Dominant but... I'm happy to switch

50. Is there anything you won't do in bed?

Nothing with her butt just... Not somewhere I wanna go

51. What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

Ummm watching her bathe in her sexy bubble bath and then tieing her naughty little hands together and having my way with her anyway I want

52. How many people have you slept with?

One! And I indent to keep it that way

53. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

Uuhh the river? Royal gardens? A coach? The woods?

54. What's your favourite part of Y/n's body?

Uuuummmm I love her waist. I like looking at it, stroking it, and caressing it

55. Have you ever had anal sex? Nope!

56. If you could choose what Y/n was wearing right now, what would you choose? Nothing. Or her little robe and nothing else

57. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

I like when she touches my leg or my hand

58. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Our bed of course it's the cosiest

59. When did you first had sex?

She had been with us about a month and I had loved her since the moment I saw her and I decided one night to just go for it and we had sex on the floor and told each other how much we loved the other

60. What's the best sex you've ever had?

The night of our wedding, or the first time I can't decide

61. What's your favourite position?

.... I like, when she faces away as I'm on my knees and she sits her butt on my crotch don't know what it's called but I like it.

62. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Weirdly never.

63. Do you watch porn?

I watch y/n

64. What kind of porn do you watch?

Y/n

65. How often do you masturbate? I used to every night but I never do now I have y/n

66. Name a sex position you'd like to try? I would like to try... Hummm uuuhhh I don't know I don't know any we haven't done maybe I need to learn more sex positions.

67. Do you prefer to give or receive?

I like to receive, I like when she spoils me.

68. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

A few times yes

69. What's the most sex you've had in a day?

Sixteen times!

70. Are you loud or quiet during sex? We are both fairly quiet

71. Have you ever tried using food during foreplay? No. Seems like a bad idea

72. What's the first thing that sexually attracts you to someone? Personality and how snuggly they are

73. Would you say you have any fetishes?

I don't think so no 74. When it comes to BDSM, how far have you gone/would go?

As far as you want me too princess xx

75. What's your favourite toy?

Rope

76. Do you ever read erotic fiction?

Not really, I make up my own

77. Have you joined the mile high club? Nope

78. Do you think you could take off Y/n underwear with no hands? I know I can

79. Would you say you're kinky? Eh? Kinda

80. Do you enjoy shower sex? I like bath sex yes!

81. Where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated? Many cupboards and little places but the weirdest I think was a little corner of the gardens

82. Do you like to be spanked? I do

83. Have you ever fantasised about someone else during sex? No! Why would I? I have y/n.

84. If y/n caught you masturbating, would you stop or would you finish? I finished for her and let her watch and she let me watch her too in return

85. Have you ever had an inappropriate crush?

I guess on y/n

86. Have you ever cried or fallen asleep during sex? Fell asleep after yes! Lots of times when she tries me out

87. Do you prefer eye contact or not during sex?

Eye contact please!

88. Do you like to kiss during sex?

Lots and lots of kisses please 89. Do you get tired after sex?

I do of she's being mean to me 90. How many positions do you think you've tried? Most of them I think

91. What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

A year, I was so busy and I was barely home so I waited, and when I got home she couldn't walk for the next week

92. How high is your sex drive?

Fairly high

93. What's a surefire way to turn you on?

Touch me, or get in a bath or wet like seriously throw a bucket of water on yourself I'm weirdly hard! Maybe I just have a thing for water? Y/n in the bath that first maid girl washing clothes, ohh my god an I into water?

94. Sex with lights on or lights off? On else we can't see anything

95. Do you like dirty talk?

Very much

96. Do you prefer one night stands or longer-term sexual partners? Long term

97. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom? I like bottom I like giving her that power over me

98.Rough or romantic? Romantic

99. Quickie or marathon session? Quickie

100. What's the best thing about our sex life?

Awww that I adore you, your my little lady, I never even look or think k anyone else that's how lovely you are the fact it's never a no everything we discuss and we try somethings we hate others we love and I can't wait for all the other things we shall try once baby comes my beautiful wife.

[drariellevalentine]

Medically Inevitable

Meet Our Mc- Arielle Valentine

(This is after Chapter 7)

Name:- Arielle Cerise Valentine/Raines (professionally known as Dr. Arielle Valentine, celebrity-wise as Arielle Raines)

Birthday:- June 5th, 1995 (Age-25)

Zodiac Sign:- Gemini

Face Claim:- Nina Dobrev

Background:- Part Italian and French

Education:- Johns Hopkins School of Medicine

Main Profession:- Intern at Edenbrook Hospital, residency of Internal Medicine

Side Professions:-

Actress- Played a leading role in a medical drama during high school

Model- Models her sister-in-law’s clothing lines whenever she can

Influencer- Has over 40 million followers on Instagram, posts about her daily life

Singer- Has sung and posted on YouTube with female icons like Ariana Grande, makes a guest appearance in some of her MV’s. (Don’t worry, you’ll see how later!)

Nicknames:-

Rookie (Ethan)

Ari (Elijah & Sienna)

Elle (Bryce)

Sunshine (Naveen)

Cherry (Mark & Adrian)

Family:

Adrian Raines

Brother

Age- 31

Background- Italian and French

Profession- co-owner of Carson & Raines and Criminal Defence Attorney

Married to Alyssa, father to Arabelle

Relationship- Extremely close with each other. Whether it’s personal problems or work issues, he’s the first person who Arielle turns to for advice. He would do anything for his sister, and so would she.

Alyssa Raines

Sister-in-law

Background- American

Age- 28

Profession- CEO and Head Designer of Fashion Empire ‘Flair’

Married to Adrian, mother to Arabelle

Relationship- Very close to each other, Arielle considers Alyssa as her older sister. Lived with each other for two years when Arielle was in med school. Later, Alyssa moved in with Adrian as her company expanded and Arielle bought her own apartment.

Arabelle Raines

Niece

Age-5

Background- Part American, French & Italian

Nickname- Belle (everyone)/Amorina (Arielle-means little love)

Relationship- Arielle’s and Arabelle’s relationship is one of a kind. Both of them love each other so much, Arielle looks at her like own daughter. Alyssa jokes that her daughter is very lucky, not because they are well-off, but that she has two amazing moms. Arielle loves to spoil her, but makes sure she learns the importance for everything.

Mark Raines

Cousin- (Arielle’s father’s brother’s son)

Profession- Professional chef, owner of several restaurants and chains in various areas

Age-31 (older by four months from Adrian)

Background- Italian

Boyfriend to Blair

Relationship- This pair is very notorious and well-known in the family for their prank wars from a very young age. They still play pranks on each other, but not as much. Once Mark learned that Arielle’s middle name stood for cherries, and she just happened to be snacking on them at that time, he gave her the nickname ‘Cherry’, which caught on to Adrian.

Blair Carson:-

Best friend/cousin’s girlfriend

Profession- co-owner of Carson and Raines (Blair’s and Arielle’s father originally founded the law firm. Two years ago, Blair’s father died and she took over his position) and Women’s Rights Attorney

Age-26

Background- British

Girlfriend to Mark

Relationship- These girls have been joined to the hip at a very young age, due to the fact that Blair was left at Arielle’s house when both their fathers had to work. Their emotional bond and connection only increased when Blair’s mother died when she was 3, as they both relate to never have had a mother’s love.

Amelié Valentine:-

Late mother

Professional singer/pianist

Background- French

Relationship- Amelié died just a day after Arielle was born. Though, all of her family members say that Arielle is a striking image of her mother. They share the same vivid violet eyes, perfectly pink lips and numerous other resemblances. Naveen is the one who told stories about her to Arielle.

Alessandro Raines:-

Father, although not on speaking terms

Profession- Retired, co-owner of Carson & Raines (multinational law firm)

Background- Italian

Relationship- Arielle and her father have not been on speaking terms for 7 years since their huge fight on her 18th birthday. Although she was not close with her father during her teenage years, they were quite close during her childhood.

Naveen Banerji:-

Godfather, although Arielle considers him as her actual father

Profession- Retired, former Head of Diagnostics Team, Edenbrook Hospital

Background- Indian

Relationship- Naveen and Arielle were like father and daughter until her second year of med school. He taught her everything there is to know about life, love, and laughter. The two are slowly mending their broken bond, even though their love and affection for each other has never diminished.

Bennet Wilson:-

Ex-boyfriend

Profession- Neurosurgical Intern at Mass Kenmore

Age- 27

Background- British

Relationship- The pair met at Johns Hopkins, Bennet was in his 2nd year and Arielle just started. They graduated at the same time, as Arielle completed her education in only 6 years. The pair went to great heights with their relationship, made it official for almost 4 years and Bennet was also planning to propose later that year. Then he learned that Arielle had gotten matched with Edenbrook, as she wanted to work with her medical hero and inspiration, Dr. Ethan Ramsey. But he hadn’t, he was extremely disappointed as Dr. Harper Emery was the main reason he had gotten into neurosurgery. This lead to huge fights and disagreements, leading to Bennet cheating on Arielle with her best friend. The pair broke up three months before the start of their residency.

A to Z with Arielle

A is for Actress

Arielle is known for playing a leading role in a medical drama during high school. She plays a young paediatrician on the show, and is known very well for handling kids on set. The cast would joke about her being an actress and babysitter at the same time!

B is for Blush☺️

If there’s one one makeup product Arielle never needs, it’s blush. She blushes quite easily and sometimes for no reason (according to herself), though I’m sure you know why!😏

It also is her favourite colour. Her bedroom, from top to bottom, is a picture perfect aesthetic of the colour blush, with hints of gold and a shimmery pearl. Fun fact, Arielle painted her bedroom herself and chose all the furniture and decor with Alyssa. She wants her room to be perfect, as it’s home and should be a place of comfort and solace at the end of her tiring shifts.

C is for Chocolate🍫& Cerise🍒

Chocolate- Arielle absolutely loves and adores chocolate. She cannot go a day without eating something which has chocolate, claiming that instead of coffee, she prefers a sugar rush. She jokes that her first love wasn’t Bennet, but chocolate.

Cerise- ‘Cerise’ is the French word for cherries. Her mother named her ‘Cerise’ because the moment she was born, her lips were cherry red (after that they weren’t though) and her main pregnancy cravings her cherries. Fun fact, Arielle hates maraschino cherries and anything cherry flavoured. She only likes juicy, fresh cherries.

D is for Dance💃🏻

Dance- Arielle loves to dance, whether it’s under the stars swaying or learning BLACKPINK’s new dance from their MV’s. She is quite flexible, and has been dancing from a very young age. Arielle also dances as exercise, saying that it’s a fun way to keep your body fit, while at the same time jamming out to your favourite tunes.

E is for Exercise

Exercise- This is something that is really important to Arielle, especially since she gained a bit of weight when she was 12 or 13. Since that, Naveen had taught her healthy ways to watch her diet and to easily exercise. Arielle says that her yoga sessions with him were one of the best, and she still continues till today. She is never embarrassed about her weight when she was young, and actually has talked about it on some of her guest appearances on shows and her Instagram. Moreover, she loves to encourage and motivate people to lead a healthy lifestyle. She isn’t much of a fan of sports but is a great swimmer.

F is for Fame

Fame- Arielle is known for many things, being a top influencer, an actress, a model, an icon for fashion and her beautiful voice. One of the things that fans like about her is she is very down-to-earth and never hides away about the problems she’s going through. Also, fans like that she doesn’t advertise different brands or products, nor always posts with a full face of makeup.

G is for Gelato

Being part Italian, it’s only fair that Arielle’s love for gelato is real. She prefers gelato rather than ice cream, although that doesn’t stop her from binge-watching and finishing a tub of rocky road with her friends.

H is for Helpful

Arielle loves being helpful. She goes to great lengths to provide care for her patients. When a friend’s in trouble, they always know that they can count on Arielle for helping them.

I is for Instruments

Arielle learned to play the piano at a very young age, as for singing, it was something that just came naturally to her. She later learned to play the guitar, but not as well. She was classically trained for 10 years on the piano, before she stopped and only learned her favourite tunes.

J is for Jewels

Arielle does love a little bling now and then, and treats herself to a few accessories sometimes. Her family members, who know this, love to gift her with a pair of earrings on a special occasion. She also spares no expense in picking out something for her loved ones. But any accessory she picks always has a meaning to it.

K is for Kids

Arielle is a natural with kids, she absolutely adores them having a niece of her own. The funny thing is Arielle was the one who cried when she found out that she was going to be an aunt. Alyssa shed a few tears at first, later full on sobbing because of the hormones.

She always keeps her pockets full of candy, and always keeps a stash in her locker. She loves handing out candy or even sing whenever she gets a younger patient. In addition to that, she loves going to the paediatric ward and giving everyone a little something.

L is for Looks

Although Arielle doesn’t believe in covering her face full of makeup, she always makes sure that she’s dressed to the nines for every occasion. Her style is quite feminine and flirty, though she does like to rock some badass outfits.

M is for Medical Hero

There’s no doubt that Naveen was her main inspiration to become a doctor. But later on, the person who inspired her that she could be able to make a difference in people’s lives was Dr. Ethan Ramsey. After she met him once when Naveen had taken her to one of Edenbrook’s charity galas, she was even more inspired and in awe.

N is for New York

Arielle was born and brought up in New York City, New York. Although having lived there for most of her life, many people don’t believe her due to the fact of her very kind and affectionate personality.

Being a true New Yorker, she loves going there once in a year or two. She’s been to Central Park, Times Square and the Statue of Liberty many times, she doesn’t remember.

O is for Optimistic

One of the things about Arielle is that she’s very optimistic, and always sees the good in everyone. Being optimistic for a person for someone like Arielle is a huge challenge, especially when having been through so many traumatic events. But Arielle likes to see the positive side of things. She believes that if she always focuses on the negative, she’ll miss out on life. Although,sometimes her sunny optimism can lead her into trouble.

P is for Protection & Polyglot

Ever since being kidnapped during the second year of med school, due to the fact her brother was dealing with a very high profile case, she vowed to make sure she knew how to handle a gun. She currently owns 3. One near her nightstand, one in her car, and another extra just in case she goes out somewhere. Nonetheless, she has been learning self-defence for quite a while. Though she doesn’t like hurting people, she admits that it always provides a feeling of security.

Arielle is very fluent in English, French and Italian. She can understand and converse in Spanish and Hindi, Naveen having taught her. Surprisingly, her desi accent is quite on point!

Q is for Class Queen

Arielle here was the Class Queen in college. Working very hard to ace all her classes, she still managed to find time a create a social status for herself. She was known as the Center of Attention because of her background, even though she is kind and affectionate.

She later on earned a name, Triple Threat. This was given when she completely roasted one of her bitchy classmates. Also, she was known as the Heartbreaker among the boys.

R is for Relationships

Arielle dated one of her co-stars when she was acting in high school. It later ended in a mutual breakup, saying that they both wanted different things in life but are still friends. Currently, he is now one of the most top paid actors.

Her fist love was Bennet Wilson, which ended 7 years later very horribly. Though she says that being in that relationship had taught her something, “If you have worked hard to earn your place where you are right now, no one, and I mean absolutely no one should have the right to tell you what to do.”

Her friendship with Dr. Ethan Ramsey is quite close, but it might turn into something more... although both of them are completely unaware, except for their best friends, Sienna and Naveen.

S is for Singer

Arielle has an exceptional voice, she can sing quite high and belt out quite a few notes. Her meeting with Ariana led to both of them being huge friends. They have filmed and uploaded a few videos of them on YouTube. Some of them duets on Ariana’s songs and a lot of other crazy battles. The fans absolutely love the friendship between these two icons, especially when both of their personalities and dynamics match!

Arielle loves to sing, she says that it’s a way to express yourself and what you’re feeling. She sings when she’s happy, sad, angry, and somehow manages to beautifully showcase her emotions in every song she sings.

T is for Traditions

The Raines’ family have quite a bit of traditions. Every Christmas, they all make different types of hand-rolled pasta as a family. They all play Secret Santa, although everyone ends up getting a gift for everyone. Arielle is very particular when it comes to gifts, she doesn’t care about the price, she always takes a long time choosing something that is meaningful and personal. Another tradition is going on a huge shopping spree and picking out tons of clothes for children, then donating them to orphanages, along with small gifts.

One of Arielle’s favourites is the feast they make for Thanksgiving. Between Mark and Naveen, with a little help from others, the food they end of making is delicious, even if somehow Arielle’s the only one ending up looking like she just played the ‘Eat it or Wear it Challenge”!

For New Year’s, they all share their achievements and regrets by writing them on a paper, and then folding them into a boat, they let them go at the lake near Naveen’s house.

Even though Naveen is the only one who is Indian, the whole family celebrates Diwali together. Naveen picks out a dresses and outfits for every single person, with Alyssa’s approval of course, and somehow manages to make mountainloads of desserts.

U is for Unwind

When Arielle has time to unwind, she has a lot of methods. When she’s alone and it’s a beautiful summer day, she goes for a long swim. If it’s a day off with her friends, she loves to indulge in self-care, making a whole spa day at home. And last but not least, Arielle loves to colour. Some might find it childish, but she loves to pair colours with each other. Playing a list of soothing tunes, she finds solace.

V is for Vegan

Vegan- Arielle cannot imagine being vegan for even one meal. She’s a huge fan of seafood and meat, but doesn’t eat much red meat, and has a crazy love for cheese. Her friends joke about her eating so much cheese, but still staying so fit.

W is for Watch

Arielle loves to wear watches as part of her accessories. Although she has many watches, she never uses them to tell the time, mostly only as a fashion statement. She doesn’t like to wear them to work, because then she’ll be checking the time every five minutes!

Y is for Youngest

Arielle is the youngest in her whole family, excluding Arabelle of course. But oftentimes, Arielle’s the one handing out advice and hosting get togethers. She’s never been seen as the youngest and everyone in the family has a huge level of respect for her, especially after what she’s been through.

Z is for Zealous

If you asked anybody who knows Arielle and ask them to describe her in 10 words, zealous or determined would definitely be one of them. Her zeal and perseverance is one of her main factors what got her this far in life, and it will continue carrying her through life.

[vanillann]

raid and velvet: a love story (peter parker x reader)

ahh my first peter parker!! i hope this is what you are looking for!! i’m sorry it’s messy and not that good.

word count: 1.7k

day 1

Bucky stepped out of the medical room, the sound of screaming was heard until he closed the door behind him. Steve looked up at him, a glitter of hope flashing through his eyes.

“Hydra has most likely had them for a while, but I think I can break through to ‘em,” Bucky nodded his head, his metal hand running through his long hair.

“How old are they?”

“15, 16 at most,” Peter looked up at that, the idea of someone that was his age excited him.

“Think big boy could help?” Sam asked for his spot beside Steve.

“Might not hurt,” Bucky shrugged as he looked back at the body struggling in restraints.

“I felt bad for shooting at her, but she was coming at me man,” Tony stood on the farthest wall, watching the screaming kid in his medical room. His heart was breaking, imagining if this was his kid.

“Just give it time Stark, they got a chance to get better now.”

day 28

The screaming had died down incredibly, the medical room looked much calmer now then it did a few days ago.

“All you have to do is talk to them, keep the questions basic.”

Peter nodded at Nat’s word, watching the body that laid on the bed, hands and felt tied down.

Peter pushed to the door, looking over the room quickly before looking at the ex-Hydra soldier.

“Oh so they sent in the flower child to take care of me now,” the sarcastic comment was followed by an eye roll.

“I’m Peter.” Peter took the seat in the corner of the room, still scared they could somehow kill him.

“Cute.”

Peter watched as they pulled at the chains at their wrist, a loud groan filled the room.

“What’s your name?”

“(Y/N).”

Peter looked down at his lap, thinking over every question he’d heard other kids ask in the hallways at MidTown.

“Do you like cake?”

Peter cringed as soon as the words fell past his lips, embarrassed he even thought for a second that was a good question.

“Oh of course, I also love glitter and unicorns,” (Y/N) looked over at Peter with a fake bright smile.

Peter knew it was fake, but it made her look younger for some reason.

“I think you’d like a red velvet cake, you seem like a red velvet type person,” Peter played with his finger, listening to Steve and Nat talk right outside the door of the medical room.

“Never had it.”

Peter looked up, an offended look on his face as he looked them over again.

“You’ve never had red velvet cake?”

A loud sigh full form (Y/N) lips, a wicked chuckle followed closely after.

“Well Hydra didn’t exactly do birthday parties,” (Y/N) pulled at the chains again before letting their head fall back against the bed.

“Can you leave, I wanna get some sleep.”

Peter quickly stood up, he felt bad for even trying to make the room lighter.

“Talk to you later (Y/N),” Peter didn’t want for her response before he ran out the door to join Steve and Nat.

“Mr. America, I don’t think she likes me very much,” Peter said, looking wide-eyed between the two.

“You’re the only person she’s brought up Hydra too,” Nat said gently, looking behind Peter into the medical.

A small feeling of pride filled Peter up, maybe this would be fun.

day 52

Peter smiled as he knocked on the door of the medical room, watching as (Y/N) looked up and nodded their head.

Peter walked in, a small box held tightly in his left hand.

“Morning (Y/N),” Peter skipped over to the seat in the middle of the room, slightly closer than the one he sat in on the first meeting.

“Morning Raid.”

Peter rolled his nickname, cursing the day Sam and Bucky decided to come in together.

“You don’t have to call me that,” Peter chuckled as they crossed their arms over their chest.

“Bucky told me too, I trust Bucky.”

Peter wouldn’t ever say it, I mean he understood the situation, but he wished (Y/N) trust him like they trust Bucky.

“I have something for you,” Peter smiled as he opened the box and titled it to (Y/N).

The red velvet cupcake sat in the center of the box, a bunch of white frosting and a Spiderman ring sat on top.

“How do I know it’s safe to eat?”

(Y/N) pulled their leg closer to their chest, a black look across their face.

Peter flashed the top of the box, Bucky chicken scratch of a signature writing on the top of the box.

“Bucky signed it so you would know.”

Peter moved the chair slightly closer, moving the box closer so (Y/N) could look at it better.

“You said something about not having red velvet before and I was going to just wait for your birthday but we don’t know when your birthday is,” Peter rambled as he watched (Y/N) gently pull the cupcake from the box.

(Y/N) smelt the frost before taking a small lick, a little white frosting collecting on the tip of their nose.

Without taking their eyes off the cupcake, they began speaking.

“October 17th,” they took a large lick of the frosting and looked up at Peter.

“What?”

“My birthday is October 17th, I think. I don’t know, it’s the one Hydra gave me.”

Peter watched as they finally took a bite of the cupcake, a hint of a smile forming behind the frosting.

“How about we make today your birthday?”

Peter walked as (Y/N) looked up at him, a small nod as they turned back to look at the cupcake.

“Okay, on February 1st every year we will celebrate your birthday.”

(Y/N) only pulled the Spider-Man ring off the cupcake, turning it to face Peter.

“Really?”

“What, I couldn't help.”

Peter smiled as (Y/N) placed the ring on the bedside table, going back to eating their cupcake.

“Can I get so much alone time?”

Peter smiled gently at them as he stood up from his seat.

“Yeah, when can I see you again?”

(Y/N) only shrugged their shoulders and continued eating their red velvet cupcake.

day 164

“Hi Raid,” (Y/N) waved at him as he walked into the room, Bucky and Sam sitting in their seats.

“Bug boy, what are you doing here?” Sam smiled as Peter took the seat closest to (Y/N), only she would let Peter, Bucky, and Nat sit there.

“Velvet told me to stop back at lunch,” Peter held up a bag, two sandwiches could be seen in the bag.

“Velvet?”

Bucky smiled as (Y/N) pulled at the threads on the sheets, pleased they were getting somewhere. must be faster than they expected.

“It’s a nickname.”

Peter watched Bucky and Sam smile at each other, a smirk playing at both their lips.

“Well (Y/N), Stark and Nat will be here later to help you move,” Same stood as patted the end of the bed.

They both left the room, looking back behind them until they turned the corner.

“Move? Are you leaving?”

Peter felt his heartbreak slightly, not wanting the only person he wanted to see at the compound most days to leave.

“I’m leaving the medical wing,” (Y/N) reached for the bag, pulling out a sandwich and unwrapping it.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m getting a real room.”

Peter watched the small smile play at (Y/N), but quickly covered it with the sandwich.

“Oh that amazing (Y/N), you are doing better than we all thought,” Peter pulled his own sandwich out of the bag, happy that (Y/N and him could actually walk around the compound together.

“Eh.”

Peter brow drew together, confused why the first thing (Y/N) thought to say was “eh”.

“Eh?”

A quick shrug and another bite of the sandwich, looking everywhere but Peter.

“I still don’t feel right.”

Peter looked up, waiting for them to continue with the statement.

“I don't know, I just feel like what everyone tells me I am,” (Y/N) pulled out a bit of lettuce, throwing in at Peter.

Peter dodged the lettuce, not even giving it much thought.

“Who do you want to be?”

(Y/N) looked up at Peter, a confused look in their eyes.

“I don't know, I guess that's the problem.”

day 284

“Peter, get out of my room!”

(Y/N) at the top of their lungs, a slight panic filled Peter that they’d break like yesterday.

“I’m not leaving.”

(Y/N) picked up a pillow and threw it as full force to Peter, which Peter early caught and placed on the ground.

“I could snap again, you saw me yesterday in the kitchen.”

Peter rolled his eyes, trying to slowly walk closer while (Y/N) screamed at him.

“It’s not a big deal.”

Peter gently held out both hands, (Y/N) grabbed a sleeve and rolled it up. The sight of Peter banging his forearm looked nasty to anyone who wasn’t in the compound.

“I attacked you with one of Pepper’s cooking knives!”

The way (Y/N) voice crack had Peter look away, upset that they were upset.

“I shouldn't have been trying to help Flash with his Russian in front of you,” Peter pulled the sleeve of his shirt down, trying to forget the thing even happened.

“Peter, you were helping a friend over the phone. I’m the crazy one here.”

(Y/N) pushed Peter's chest, pushing him till his back hit the wall.

“(Y/N), friends won't leave you so I’m not leaving.”

“I don't wanna be your friend!”

Peter felt the rain that was falling outside had suddenly gotten loud and the air around him suddenly had gotten harder to breathe.

“What do you want then?”

Peter now could feel his own voice crack, the idea of you loving him back seemed crazy but apparently you didn’t even want to be around him.

“I-i wanna kiss your neck.”

Peter watched at (Y/N) pushed farther away, a single tear slipping down her face.

Peter jumped off the door, gripping (Y/N) wrist. He dragged himself closer until his lips crashed into theirs. (Y/N) hand slowly crept up Peter’s arm, soon was playing with the hair at the nap of his neck.

He felt her teeth run over his bottom lip and his brain felt like it was going to explode.

(Y/N) started pulling away, having to push Peter back slightly just so they could get some air.

“I’m sorry, Raid.”

“Don’t be, Velvet.”

[the-mandalorian-clone-lover]

Ok y’all, I have gathered enough nerve or something and here it is :D

This is kind of the description and then I’ll put the reference photos and the first part under the read more thingy.

Roman is a mob boss and is played by Ewan McGregor (he’s 100% a hopeless romantic and wants someone to cherish, when he finds that person he will literally do anything to keep them, not afraid of much), Erica (She wants to be loved despite her Asexuality, she is afraid it’s impossible, and she isn’t willing to do much to make it happen because she’s convinced it’s impossible) is his girlfriend. Butcher is basically Kronk from the Emperor’s new groove (because he’s enormous and adorable and I love him).

Second part here

Ok so top is Butcher, he’s probably 6′5 in my mind or more? Probably has tattoos, I’ll leave that up to your imagination. Second is Roman (who is Ewan obvs but this is about the age I picture him). Third is Erica, I picture her between 26&28 and Roman 30 or 32, so there is an age gap but it isn’t more than 4-6 years. She’s 5′11 and Roman is 5′10, that’s a surprise tool that will help us later, and yeah I think that’s about it.  Story below :)

Oh– Warnings?: Talking about coming out, Erica yells a sentence or two but she’s frustrated, silly self-indulgence? Excessive tooth-rotting fluff

*************************

(The song he sings is Your Song from Moulin Rouge)

Roman’s been deep in thought in the back of the car the entire ride and Butch has finally had enough.

“Somethin’ going on boss?”

Roman sighs, “Erica texted that she wanted to talk to me instead of doing dinner tonight.” He pauses before evidently deciding to give Butch the whole story, looking at his feet as he does so. “I asked her at dinner two days ago if she wanted to be official and now, I’m wondering if it was too soon. Did I scare her off?” Roman’s eyes come back to Butch’s as he asks and for a moment he’s at a loss, thankfully Roman continues before he has to answer. “I know I tend to..” his eyes go to the window, eyes searching it as if it holds the right words “..do things a little old fashioned. Commit to each other, take care of each other, do people, not do that anymore?” He asks the question desperately and Butch ponders a moment before responding.

“Maybe not out there, but if anyone would want a little old fashioned, I think it’d be Ms. Erica.” They’ve been dating a month or so now, strictly dinner and walking in the park type dates, she had come to the pent house once, but only so Roman could give her a one month anniversary present; a necklace (it had been simple but elegant, Butch had helped pick it out).

Roman’s eyes make their way back to him, “What do you mean?”

Butch pauses, tilting his head and looking down before answering “She’s got an old soul, and she’s not the kind of woman you could get away with not treating her right.”

Roman had nodded his assent before opening his mouth but the stop of the car cuts him off.

Butch waits till they’re both out of the car before speaking again. “Do you want me to follow you up?”

It’s a matter of protocol, some days Butch sweeps the penthouse before Roman goes in, just to be sure, but at this moment Roman is pretty sure there could be snakes in his house and it wouldn’t be worse than the thought of Erica leaving him. Its early to be so attached, he knows this, but she’s so lovely and wonderful and one-of-a-kind that he hates to see her go so soon, when there’s so much he hasn’t gotten to say to her. He braces himself inwardly though, putting on a brave face for Butch.

“No, I’ll be alright, I’ll let you know if we decide to go for dinner after all.” He tries to smile but knows Butch sees right through it. Butch pulls him in by the shoulders for a hug before holding him at arms-length.

“Don’t go getting all mopey before she’s even talked to ya, maybe she’s already made dinner and that’s why.”

“It’s much too early for that, I hope she doesn’t think she has to—”

Butch is turning him and shoving him towards the door.

“Go on lover boy, face your music and don’t be a wimp!”

Roman drags himself up the stairs, feeling like a glutton for punishment at this moment, straightening himself up before opening the door. He almost regrets forgetting to knock before remembering this is his house and choosing instead to call out.

“Erica? Darling? I’m a little early, didn’t want to startle you.”

She appears in the entryway that leads to the living room, looking a little nervous herself.

“I-“ She takes a deep breath, eyes never leaving him “Thank you for having them let me in, what I wanted to talk to you about is a more personal matter.”

Well. That certainly didn’t sound like a precursor to a break-up.

“Of course” Roman responds, trying to sound as at-ease as possible. “Can I get you anything?” His eyes sweep her figure and upon realizing she’s abandoned her shoes he begins to toe off his own, leaving them next to hers in the doorway.

She’s shaking her head when he looks up. “No, thank you, I brought some cookies I made, they’re in here.” With that she turns back to the sitting room and begins to walk away. He hurries after her but tries to allow her space still. He takes the moment to look at her. She’d looked ill at ease in the foyer, a large OD green sweatshirt (that had probably seen better days) that said ‘Property of Middle Earth’ in worn white letters nearly swallowing her, hair down and falling in her face, she’d pushed it behind her ears twice as they walked. She’s wearing the black jeans she says are her favorites, everything seems to point to her dressing for comfort. She pushes the sweatshirt sleeves up to her elbows before sweeping the container off the coffee table and holding it out to him.

“I remember you said you liked macadamia nut, it’s my first time making them though.”

He nods, taking the box, also taking care to brush his fingers against hers as well as he can without raising suspicion. He takes off the lid, taking a deep breath before looking up to her in awe, “These smell amazing!” He smiles before looking down again, grabbing one to hold it out to her. “Share?”

She smiles thinly, shaking her head again, (Roman doesn’t think he’s ever seen her shake her head this much) before answering “No, I’m alright. Not very hungry anyway.”

Erica knows its not a convincing answer but what can she say? She’s been dreading this conversation ever since she started having feelings for Roman and when he had asked her to think about being officially together, she’d known she couldn’t put it off any longer. She looks at the floor again, remembering that she’s wearing her favorite sweatshirt and that if anyone from Middle Earth were here they’d be encouraging her (maybe not Sauron but he wasn’t really the encouraging type) and probably giving her an awkward thumbs up from behind Roman’s couch. She smiles at the comforting thought and looks back up at him. No matter what his response was, she’d handle it. She’d come this far. She sits down (albeit a little rigidly) on the couch behind her, and Roman follows her lead, sitting in the chair diagonal from the coffee table.

She takes another deep breath, this is it. “I’m just going to come right out and say it—”

“Do you want to break up?”

Roman’s on the edge of his chair, gripping the container and looking at her with, fear? Dread? She isn’t sure but it isn’t a positive emotion that’s etched into his face. He’s not the only one.

“No,” she says it carefully, deliberately, before continuing past what she knows is the point of no return. “But you might”.

It feels like a bomb went off. Roman actually leans back in the chair before blinking rapidly, attempting to process. “Did–“ he supposes ‘cheating’ might be too strong a word if they’re actually not even together but he isn’t sure what else they would split over.

“It isn’t something I did. It’s something I am.” Erica is resisting the urge to cry now, it doesn’t matter how many times she talks about it, it doesn’t seem to get easier when you care what the other person responds with. She’s looking at the floor when she hears shuffling and feels the couch dip next to her. She looks over to find Roman seated on the far end, reaching slowly to hover a hand above her shoulder.

“Whatever it is, we’ll work through it. It’s not as if anything is irreconcilable.” He pauses and Erica really is bracing now, nearly wanting to get up and run from the room in preparation for the inevitable.

“Unless you’re actually an orc. Or you like eating hummus. I have to draw the line somewhere.”

He says it as if it were obvious and she smiles, shaking her head before breathing out shakily. “It’s, well, its neither of those things.” She says, finally looking him in the eye, reaching up to guide his hand down to her shoulder. If nothing else, she’ll enjoy these last few minutes of comfort he offers before it’s all over.

“I’m asexual.”

Its out. And while it does take a weight off her chest, she isn’t sure it’s gone for good.

Roman blinks, tilting his head, “Tell me what that means?”

It’s a request. Not a demand, he didn’t fill the air with his assumptions, he just asked. That’s a new one.

“Well, it um,” Erica takes another deep breath, reaching out to grab his other hand in both of hers and fastening her eyes to them before spitting out the rest in a rush, “It means I don’t experience sexual attraction.”

He’d already started stroking the fingers he could reach when she took his hand hostage and he doesn’t stop when she finishes. She doesn’t move though, she’s waiting for it to sink in. Either he’ll tell her to get out, tell her that that isn’t a thing, or that he can fix her. She’s already got a plan for all three.

“Ok.” He says it as if she’d just told him it was cloudy outside. “How do you want me to respond?”

She brings her eyes back to his slowly, mouth agape. She can’t even be bothered to close it either, somehow, he’s managed to say the one thing she never expected.

“How do I want you to respond?”

“Well, I know that I don’t know exactly what you need or want to hear, so I’m asking.” He says it all so gently, as if he were trying to comfort her, as if he could sense how hard it was to say this, could he? “I want to support you” he says with conviction, “Sometimes you might have to tell me how.”

His gentle tone never fades, if anything it only sounds more genuine as he continues, moving his hand to hover next to her cheek. She leans into it, sniffing softly and closing her eyes against the tears. It’s hardly the time to cry now. Gathering herself she opens her eyes.

“You need to understand sex is something I might not ever be able to give you.” As sweet as he is, she won’t let him commit to something if he doesn’t even understand what it means. “I’ve, had,–“ now her eyes are back in her lap, withdrawing her hands from his, “experiences, but, I didn’t like them. And since I don’t have the desire anyway, it’s possible I’ll be like this forever.” She’s painting it bleakly but what else is there to say? She’s never been supported by any partner or friend and she isn’t sure she’d even know how to handle it if she was. Part of her does want to break up with Roman now, end it all before he can, give herself control of the situation before it gets any more uncomfortable.

“Why do you say it as if you were broken?”

Shock. That’s what she’s feeling, bringing her eyes up to look at Roman as if he’d grown two heads. Opening and closing her mouth twice before finally blurting out

“Isn’t that what you think?” She’s standing now, words falling out of her mouth in a rush of fear and anger, “Isn’t that what everyone thinks?! Isn’t that what you’re supposed to say? That I can’t be anything other than a robot if I don’t want” she gestures fiercely “that!? As if I wasn’t a whole person without it?” Roman is standing now but she can’t stop “As if there was no way two people could be together without doing it??” Her voice has somehow been getting louder all through her rant and everything’s getting blurry as the tears start “As if I were making the whole thing up?” He’s closer now, and she stumbles back, yelling a final, “AS IF I WASN’T A REAL PERSON BECAUSE OF IT??” before she collapses into his arms. She’s sobbing in earnest now, gripping onto him as tightly as she can. This has never happened. Every other time she’s always handled the rejection, the teasing, the downright harassment before calmly leaving and never coming back but, somehow, it’s Roman being kind to her that finally causes her to break. All the frustration, hurt and confusion finally pouring out in her tears. He’s just stroking her back with one hand, the other cradling her head against his shoulder. Between the sobs she can hear his voice, but he doesn’t seem to be saying much other than ‘its alright’ and telling her to let it out, saying that he’s here and he’s not leaving. It helps.

When the sobs subside to hiccups she wraps her arms a little tighter around him and takes a breath before sniffing.

“Can I have a tissue?” She says it as softly as she can, she doesn’t really want him to leave but she’s starting to worry for whoever does the wash. He seems to pick up on her reluctance to separate, instead taking the arm from her back to reach behind and down for the box on the coffee table. He fumbles in the awkward position for a moment, causing them both to huff in good humor before standing straight and holding it up by her face. She takes it.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all those things to you.”

She mumbles it without ever moving, choosing to reach over his shoulder to wipe her face, if he’s willing to keep holding her, she isn’t going to make him stop.

He goes back to petting her hair softly, answering in the same tone, careful to keep his voice low. “Don’t apologize. If someone said those horrible things to me, I’d be upset too.”

She sighs quietly. He must not understand still.

“But everyone thinks they’re true. That’s the problem.” She says it matter-of-factly, her arms loosening a bit to rest on his shoulder blades before he suddenly grips her tighter.

“Not everyone.”

It’s a small thing, and it shouldn’t mean anything to her, but it does. It means the whole world.

They stand there holding each other for heaven only knows how long, Erica not wanting to leave the comforting embrace that Roman is offering, and Roman content to hold her as long as she needs.

More time passes before she hears him humming, well she feels it first but then she hears the soft notes next to her ear and feels him shifting back and forth slowly. Swaying them both. Then he’s singing to her. Quietly, barely above a whisper but his voice is like honey.

“My gift is my song, and this one’s for you” he nuzzles his cheek on the side of her head before going on, still whispering gently to her and swaying softly “and you can tell everybody, this is your song. It may be quite simple but, now that it’s done. I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words,” he gets a little louder then, more confident, “How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world.”

“Elton John?” She asks, voice still a little wobbly, only slightly teasing.

“No, well, yes, but I was thinking of Moulin Rouge.”

She frowns, slowing their swaying slightly, “I thought Elton John wrote that?”

She hears a small ‘ah’ followed by “Moulin Rouge is a film, have you not seen it?”

She shakes her head against his, muttering a ‘huh uh’

“Hmm, well, then let me finish serenading you and then we can watch it, how does that sound?”

She pulls away then, wanting to look him in the face even if she doesn’t necessarily want him to see hers. “You want to stay? With me?”

He nods, brushing his thumbs across where they’ve come to rest on her waist. “I’ll admit I don’t understand it all yet but I can learn. And if you promise to never start liking hummus then we seem to have an agreement.” He finishes with a smile and somehow Erica finds herself smiling with him. Somehow, she has hope again.

“I think I can promise that.” She says, taking another shaky breath in before muttering ‘eskimo kiss’ and leaning forward to brush her nose against his, he bumps their foreheads together and then they’re both giggling. He hasn’t ever kissed her lips yet but it’s moments like this that make her certain he’ll wait till she starts it.

****************************

[nerolith]

It’s your fault that I am mean now: all the oh lalala questions please~!

1. Top turn on? Being shown I am wanted. I should add by the particular individual that wants me and I want them is a top turn on.

2. Last time you had sex with the opposite gender?  Few weeks ago.

3. Last time you had sex with the same gender? That is even longer I was in my early 30's

4. Last time you masturbated? Every day. Usually in the shower easy clean up haha.

5. What’s the weirdest thing that has turned you on? Dammit... The thought of having sex on top of a horse while it wanders in the back nine.

7. What’s the weirdest kind of porn you’ve watched?  Pirate porn haha.

8. How often do you masturbate/have sex? Sex isn't often. I masturbate everyday if I am up for it.

9. Have you ever taken nude pictures? Close enough to being nude?

10. Dom or Sub? I'm Dominic Toretto

11. Is pain a good thing? Only if there is a want for it.

12. Do you like biting? Hahem I do.

13. Do you like scratching? Not skin breaking hard.

14. Are you slightly horny right now? I'm a guy what does that tell you? Haha.

15. Are you very horny right now?  Haha

16. Do you like face fucking? If the other individual was into it.

17. 10 of your biggest turn ons?

Dammit again, 10? Should I give a novel of exactly how to turn me on? Haha

Don't most of these questions give away turn ons?

18. Do you cook naked? I have and likely will again.

19. Do you like foreplay?  Love it.

20. Have you had a vaginal orgasm? Erhm no.

21. Do you like sex with women? I do.

22. Do you like sex with men? I do.

23. Would you have sex with a trans* person? Yes, a feeling is a feeling.

24. Do you like your nipples played with? Sure? Can't say I've had it done to really know. Haha.

25. Do you like your lips bitten? Of course, it releases the excitement don't you think?

26. Do you like to kiss with tongue? I do.

27. How often do you masturbate? Wasn't this established already? Haha.

28. Have you masturbated while someone else was in the room? Hm I haven't.

29. Would you have sex with a married person? If they were married to me.

30. Would you have sex with a couple/multiple people? That would depend on how my partner would feel on it. Being single? Not sure to be honest haha.

31. Do you go outside naked? If it was private setting where I could I likely would.

32. Do you like being woken up with sex? Never had it happen, perhaps start with oral.

33. Do you give oral? I do.

34. Would you let someone eat off of you? Haha what? Sure? If they wanted to?

35. What is the youngest/oldest you would sleep with? No younger than 30 and up that is just a number. For the most part.

36. Do you like having drunk sex? I haven't been drunk in years I don't know.

37. Do you enjoy wearing lingerie? No.

38. What is your favorite thing about sex?  From start till finish and after.

39. What is your favorite sexual setting? Basically anywhere as long as we are both sexual? Haha?

40. Would you ever fool around in a movie theater? Given the opportunity why not?

41. Would you ever make a porno with your bf/gf? Likely not.

42. Would you ever do a photo shoot in sexy clothes for your bf/gf? Sure?

43. Do you like it rough or sensual?: would depend on the mood and treatment of it. Haha.

44. Do you prefer to be with the opposite sex or the same sex? or both? It is all on who I like and gain that feeling for doesn't matter what their sex will be.

45. How often do you get drunk and have wild, crazy sexy with a complete stranger? Never.

46. How do you feel about one night stands? I am not against them. Sometimes they happen.

47. Do you prefer to make love or fuck? Both

48. Have you ever watched porn while having sex? Yes.

49. How long do you usually fore-play before doing the deed? As long as the moment calls for it.

50. Do you like kissing during sex? Yes.

51. Does size matter? Erhm.

52. How many sexual partners have you have in the last month? 1

53. What does your favorite foreplay include? The usual, toys.

54. Have you ever done anal? If so, did you like it?  I've given it and I like it.

56. Do you ever worry about how you’re pleasing your partner? Listen to them? Listen to their body and you should have a problem.

57. Could you live without sex? No.

58. How long does a typical sexual episode last for you? Again depends on the person and mood.

59. Do you like to perform oral sex? I do.

60. Do you like to receive oral sex? I do.

61. Have you ever taped yourself in the act? Never.

62. Have you ever had a 3-some? 4-some? 5-some? I haven't.

63. Have you ever been caught in the act? Also no.

64. Have you ever had sex while on drugs? I do not do them.

65. Would you let other people watch you have sex live? No.

66. Do you ever have sex in the shower? I have yes.

67. What was the biggest age difference with a partner? 10 or something like that.

68. Do you feel your up to par in bed? With out a doubt.

69. What was your most embarrassing sexual moments? I don't have any surprisingly I know haha.

70. Do you like having sex in cars? If so, driver seat, passenger, or back? I'm very tall so it would be where ever is more comfortable.

71. Do you wear protection as often as you should? If I need too I will.

72. Do you prefer to sleep with someone older or younger than you? Does that matter?

73. Have you ever done bondage sex (chains ,whips, etc.)? I've tied a individual down before.

74. Can you remember who gave you the best sex of your life? That isn't for the world or myself to name.

75. If you could sleep with ANYONE, who would it be?  That is confidential between myself and if the other individual knows or not.

Ţhåņķ ýøů

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Twitter ー Kou Mukami [2019 Compilation]

–> This post includes all tweets posted on the official Rejet Twitter account for Kou Mukami (@DiaLoverKouM) in 2019.

Shuu l Reiji l Ayato l Laito l Subaru l Ruki l Kou l Yuma l Azusa l Carla l Shin l Kino

January 4, 2019

> Happy New Year! 🐗 This year all of us bought lucky bags! What do you think M-neko-chan? Wouldn’t you want a ‘Kou-kun lucky bag’ filled with nothing but me?

-> In Japan, it’s a common custom around the New Year to purchase 福袋 or ‘fukubukuro’. Several stores and even restaurants will bring out their own version, featuring leftover items which did not sell all that well so they are giving them away at cheaper prices.

> In that case, I’ll shower you in them! Go, me! (。・ω・)ノ⌒🎁

> You too, Azusa-kun~!

January 28, 2019

> Ta-dahー! Kou-kun has arrived ★ Surprised I waited till the last second? I wanted to mess with you a little, so I was watching from afar this whole time~! ...Just kidding, that’s a lie. To tell the truth, I was so happy knowing you wanted to celebrate, I wasn’t quite sure what to say. However, I just had to tell you this before my birthday ended. Thank you. I love you.

February 13, 2019

> Heya~!

> I’m on break at work right now ★

> I’m trying my best to show you all a cool Kou-kun, so cheer me on, okay?

> Well then, my break will end soon so, bye bye!

February 14, 2019

> Happy Valentine’s Day! Thanks for the chocolates! I love, love, looooove you as well. (((●ﾉ≧3≦)ﾉ I just want to hold you into my arms and smooch you right now. Once you realize your love for someone, the feelings just overflow and they’re hard to hold back, don’t you think?

February 21, 2019

> Shall I lend you Ruki-kun? I bet he’d know just about anything. (@Yuma)

> I knowー I’m kidding, I’m kidding ★ (@Azusa)

March 14, 2019

> I guess I should give M-neko-chan something in return today. Well, I’m sure anything will make her happy if it’s a present from me~

> Don’t worry! It’s the feeling that counts! (@Azusa)

> Yeah! Our conversation helped me decide on what I’ll get too ★ (@Azusa)

March 15, 2019

> Ah, Ruki-kun remembered! (@Ruki)

> It’s not a live broadcast so it’s fine! It was recorded ages ago, you see! ★ (@Azusa)

March 28, 2010

> Carla-kun’s so scaaaary~ In that case, I’ll drag Subaru-kun over here, okay~? ★

> Haah? He’s not like you, no way Carla-kun has those kind of things. You always say things without think them through. (@Laito)

--> In the original Japanese tweet, Kou accidentally types 言うように or ‘iu you ne’ instead of 言うよね or ‘iu yo ne’ Since it’s just a simple mistake, I decide to reflect it in English by having him forget to conjugate a verb.

> Geezー Now I made a typo!

> You can’tー! I finally got him to answer my call, he’ll lock himself up in his room again! (@Laito)

April 1, 2019

> It’s everyone’s favorite idol, Kou-kun ★

> Since it’s April Fools today, I prepared a special event for all of you! It’s called “Chaos Twitter”!

> I’ll shuffle all of our accounts, so try and predict who will tweet from whose profile!

> Heyaー! It’s everyone’s favorite Kou-kun here! Continue to support me from here on out, okay? ☆彡 Yay, yay~ (*´∀｀*)

> Did you all get it? Let’s compare our answers!

> I’m Kino. Kou’s like that, isn’t he? 

> And it’s over. Did you figure out who tweeted from whose account? Well, behind this one is nothing but a trivial school doctor though.

--> Basically Karlheinz had hacked into Kou’s account, posing as him and setting up this ‘chaos twitter’ game while pretending to be Kou. xD

> Goodnight

May 16, 2019

> Heyaー! I’m gonna advertise my job now!

> In today’s program, I’ll introduce an ouftit which was designed by yours truly! I worked so very hard to show you all a handsome Kou-kun, so don’t miss it, okay? ★

> That’s not true!! (*｀з´*) (@Laito)

June 6, 2019

> Could it be a female fan of yours? Just kidding~ (@Kou)

June 11, 2019

> You bought a hat, Subaru-kun? Show me, show me! Wear it to school!

July 3, 2019

> Seems like they were delivered to Kanato-kun, Shuu-kun and Carla-kun as well. I received one too! “Fifth edition ー Answer the questions or no more blood-sucking!” it says. This is totally the same thing from before, right?

> Hold up! We’ll be banned from sucking blood if we don’t do it, you know!? You wouldn’t like that, would you? (@Kanato)

> Right? You should put him in place, Carla-kun! Tell him that he has to properly answer the letter! (@Carla)

> Well then, the punchline has been delivered, so let’s staaart~ ★

> Q. Tell us your recommended location for a first date!

A. Hmー Considering the season, the beach, I guess? But if it’s the first time, going somewhere to eat is nice too. I think sticking to the classics so you don’t get stressed out is best!

Q. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

A. I don’t think it takes that long, but I’m bad at buttoning my shirt. Currently looking to employ a girl for that task every morning~ ★

Q. Which kind of clothes would you want your crush to wear?

A. It’s hot so maybe something without sleeves? Just let it all show! It’d be easy to suck her blood and she wouldn’t be able to hide her cute, flustered expression. 

July 7, 2019

> May there be clear, blue skies tomorrow! #TanabataWishes

August 7, 2019

> Heya~ ★

> Listen to this. I received this invitation and I really want to go with you! What do you have planned the next couple of days? Are you free? 

> M-neko-chan, you ready? In that case, off we go!

August 30, 2019

> A festival to celebrate death, huh? 

> Personally, I want to live and be by the side of the person I love. How about you? 

September 6, 2019

> I’m skipping school today~ 

> I’m playing on the swing at the park

> I’m not by myself!

> Who could be with me? 

> Surprise, it’s Subaru-kun! I dragged him along~

> He’s making a very grumpy expression ★

October 25, 2019

> |ω・`）

> |彡ｻｯ

> |q´ω｀*)

> |彡ｻｯ!

October 29, 2019

> M-neko-chan~ ★

> I’m craving your blood. You’ve been spreading this sweeeeet smell the whole time after all. You don’t mind, do you?

> ...Huh? Didn’t I say the exact same thing just earlier? Am I imagining things? Oh well~ I’m digging iiiin~!

October 31, 2019

> I’m participating in a cosplay event for work and it surprised me how elaborate everyone’s costume is!

> By the way, I’m dressed up as well. ★ Which costume do you think it is~?

> The answer is...A wizard! (*ゝωб*)っ━☆゜.*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*

> If you don’t give me sweets, I’ll cast a spell on all of you~ ❤️ Just kiddingー!

> Ruki-kun, Ruki-kun! Prepare some snacks for when I get home. If you don’t, I’ll pull a prank on you~ ★ (@Ruki)

> It’s fine, right? Come on, please! (@Ruki)

> I won’t, I won’t! Hooray! Thank you! ★ (@Ruki)

November 5, 2019

> Hello, Duchess~ ★ (@Azusa)

–> They are doing a Parody of Alice in Wonderland on this day because of a Dark Wonderland event which was going on during the beginning of November.

> Pardon the intrusion~ I’m sorry for coming over uninvited. What were you doing just now, Azusa-kun?  (@Azusa)

> I see. I’m looking forward to seeing the finished product! (@Azusa)

November 6, 2019

> So bored~ 

> Ah, right! I’ll drop by March Hare and the Mad Hatter’s place!

> Eh!? The door’s locked and I can’t get through!? Which means...

> Subaru-kun, this is your doing, isn’t it!? I can’t go pay them a visit like this!

> Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll have the Caterpillar do something about this.

December 25, 2019

> Merry Christmas. 

> Say, what are you thinking about right now? I’m watching you smile brightly and thinking about just how much I love you. (｡・ω・｡)ﾉ☆;:*:;☆

December 27, 2019

> Fu-fu-fu~ I took a picture of something weird at school~★

--> The verb 撮る or ‘toru’ written with that specific kanji can either mean ‘to take a picture’ or ‘to record an audio/video’. It isn’t entirely clear from the context which one it is, but a picture seems most likely.

> Spotted my poster in town! (σ*ﾟдﾟ*) Did all of you see it?”

> Guess I’ll hit the hay. Seems like my ‘cat’ will sleep by my side tonight. Sweet dreams!

--> Kou is mostly likely referring to the MC/Yui when he says ‘cat’ here. xD

[neverheardnothing]

hello. over my tumblr break a few months ago i got bored enough to count the frequencies of every word in joe iconis songs and i don’t know what else to do with this info so here y’all go. every word in joe iconis songs with 10+ occurrences in descending order but i also factored out the 250 most common words in the english language badly (warning, this is a 484 item long list).

1 ('i', 2375) 2 ("i'm", 708) 3 ("it's", 366) 4 ('oh', 312) 5 ('gonna', 204) 6 ('yeah', 175) 7 ('got', 163) 8 ("you're", 160) 9 ('am', 160) 10 ('na', 149) 11 ('wanna', 130) 12 ('hey', 129) 13 ('love', 127) 14 ('feel', 122) 15 ("i'll", 117) 16 ('things', 111) 17 ('really', 97) 18 ("i'd", 97) 19 ('bang', 93) 20 ('girl', 87) 21 ('ever', 86) 22 ("can't", 84) 23 ('better', 78) 24 ("there's", 78) 25 ("she's", 78) 26 ("i've", 75) 27 ('whoa', 74) 28 ('baby', 73) 29 ("that's", 70) 30 ('gotta', 69) 31 ("we're", 68) 32 ("ain't", 63) 33 ("won't", 63) 34 ('cool', 61) 35 ('song', 58) 36 ('away', 57) 37 ('anymore', 56) 38 ('because', 55) 39 ('ya', 55) 40 ('always', 54) 41 ('remember', 54) 42 ('gone', 51) 43 ('guess', 51) 44 ('person', 51) 45 ('woman', 49) 46 ('sing', 49) 47 ('blood', 49) 48 ('stay', 48) 49 ('care', 48) 50 ('into', 47) 51 ('mind', 46) 52 ('whatever', 46) 53 ('jeremy', 45) 54 ("didn't", 45) 55 ('wish', 45) 56 ('feeling', 43) 57 ('ooh', 43) 58 ('cuz', 43) 59 ("you'll", 43) 60 ('ribbit', 43) 61 ('everything', 42) 62 ("you've", 42) 63 ('done', 41) 64 ('nothing', 41) 65 ('fine', 41) 66 ('girls', 41) 67 ('something', 40) 68 ('please', 40) 69 ('hate', 40) 70 ('walk', 40) 71 ('nanana', 40) 72 ('going', 39) 73 ('maybe', 39) 74 ('hear', 39) 75 ('used', 39) 76 ('fall', 39) 77 ('wrong', 38) 78 ('fire', 37) 79 ('rather', 37) 80 ('around', 36) 81 ('shit', 36) 82 ('ba', 36) 83 ('heart', 36) 84 ('leave', 36) 85 ('ah', 36) 86 ('being', 36) 87 ('oh-h', 36) 88 ("he's", 35) 89 ('till', 35) 90 ('fight', 35) 91 ('face', 35) 92 ('la-la-la', 35) 93 ('da', 35) 94 ("let's", 34) 95 ('sure', 34) 96 ('hope', 34) 97 ('nana', 34) 98 ('guy', 33) 99 ('knew', 33) 100 ('wanted', 33) 101 ('shoot', 33) 102 ('em', 32) 103 ('rich', 32) 104 ('together', 32) 105 ('looking', 32) 106 ('myself', 32) 107 ('knock', 32) 108 ('chop', 32) 109 ('makes', 31) 110 ('since', 31) 111 ('whiskey', 31) 112 ('uh', 30) 113 ("they're", 30) 114 ('gimme', 30) 115 ('rick', 30) 116 ('somebody', 29) 117 ('those', 29) 118 ("doesn't", 29) 119 ('red', 29) 120 ('totally', 29) 121 ('hell', 29) 122 ("what's", 29) 123 ('hall', 29) 124 ('die', 29) 125 ('annie', 29) 126 ('bad', 28) 127 ('stop', 28) 128 ("you'd", 28) 129 ('listen', 28) 130 ('mamma', 28) 131 ('la-la-la-la', 28) 132 ('do-do', 28) 133 ('tonight', 27) 134 ('okay', 27) 135 ('hair', 27) 136 ("c'mon", 27) 137 ('roll', 27) 138 ('without', 27) 139 ('michael', 27) 140 ('christine', 27) 141 ('bounty', 27) 142 ('almost', 26) 143 ('another', 26) 144 ('kinda', 26) 145 ('mine', 26) 146 ('rock', 26) 147 ('records', 26) 148 ('music', 26) 149 ('lonely', 25) 150 ('words', 25) 151 ('heard', 25) 152 ('yo', 25) 153 ('madeline', 25) 154 ('says', 25) 155 ('band', 25) 156 ('lots', 25) 157 ('alive', 25) 158 ('god', 24) 159 ('times', 24) 160 ('battle', 24) 161 ('skin', 24) 162 ('dada', 24) 163 ('revolution', 24) 164 ('institution', 24) 165 ('broke', 23) 166 ('talk', 23) 167 ('eyes', 23) 168 ("who's", 23) 169 ('hold', 23) 170 ('burned', 23) 171 ('morning', 23) 172 ('chill', 23) 173 ('pretty', 23) 174 ('car', 23) 175 ('young', 23) 176 ('la-la', 23) 177 ('tired', 23) 178 ('nation', 23) 179 ('friend', 22) 180 ('everybody', 22) 181 ('rehearsal', 22) 182 ('true', 22) 183 ('inside', 22) 184 ('squip', 22) 185 ('ready', 21) 186 ('best', 21) 187 ('understand', 21) 188 ('else', 21) 189 ('lot', 21) 190 ('party', 21) 191 ('ignore', 21) 192 ('bit', 21) 193 ('cut', 21) 194 ('gets', 20) 195 ('sometimes', 20) 196 ("isn't", 20) 197 ('whole', 20) 198 ("everybody's", 20) 199 ('starts', 20) 200 ('feels', 20) 201 ('everyone', 20) 202 ('room', 20) 203 ('dry', 20) 204 ('nice', 20) 205 ('juvie', 20) 206 ('sleep', 20) 207 ('wonder', 20) 208 ('size', 20) 209 ('ass', 20) 210 ('welcome', 20) 211 ('seen', 19) 212 ('weird', 19) 213 ('soon', 19) 214 ('yourself', 19) 215 ('alone', 19) 216 ('flame', 19) 217 ('taking', 19) 218 ('friends', 19) 219 ('enough', 19) 220 ('born', 19) 221 ('lordy', 19) 222 ('hunter', 19) 223 ('relate', 19) 224 ('yai', 19) 225 ('today', 18) 226 ('loser', 18) 227 ('bitch', 18) 228 ('until', 18) 229 ('arm', 18) 230 ('comes', 18) 231 ('dead', 18) 232 ('told', 18) 233 ('ow', 18) 234 ('honey', 18) 235 ('years', 18) 236 ('whack', 18) 237 ("we'll", 18) 238 ('n', 18) 239 ('nerd', 18) 240 ('fell', 18) 241 ('dad', 17) 242 ('pants', 17) 243 ('huh', 17) 244 ('nobody', 17) 245 ('mad', 17) 246 ('getting', 17) 247 ("wasn't", 17) 248 ('scared', 17) 249 ('wait', 17) 250 ('body', 17) 251 ('quite', 17) 252 ('hands', 17) 253 ('ohh', 17) 254 ('hurt', 17) 255 ('deserve', 17) 256 ('ride', 17) 257 ('game', 17) 258 ('survive', 17) 259 ('upgrade', 17) 260 ('free', 17) 261 ('certain', 17) 262 ('wha-oh', 17) 263 ('cigarettes', 17) 264 ('writer', 17) 265 ('bands', 17) 266 ('hunters', 17) 267 ('hang', 16) 268 ("wouldn't", 16) 269 ('age', 16) 270 ('cry', 16) 271 ('sky', 16) 272 ('past', 16) 273 ('behind', 16) 274 ('someone', 16) 275 ('saying', 16) 276 ('black', 16) 277 ('job', 16) 278 ('la', 16) 279 ('fix', 16) 280 ('alright', 16) 281 ('shot', 16) 282 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[spellnbone]

Contrary to what some people think at first sight of his description, Edgar is not someone who rejects emotions. He might be driven by a mind that craves logic, but his heart is a loyal one and contributes to his decisions greatly. Following positive nihilistic philosophies, he knows the importance of love, of loving, and of living in the moment freely. This being said, while he does enjoy a night full of quick-lived romance, he is mainly a terrible serial monogamist.

Age Fourteen - Ainsley

He was in year four when the kids around him began trying things out. Drinking, flirting, kissing. Removed from everyone as he was at that time, he saw no reason to participate, but when he heard that Amelia too had played such games at a recent party, he grew jealous. The two were still in a process of detaching themselves from the other and the idea to be so purposefully excluded from her adventures lit an angry little fire inside of him.

So he stomped up to one of his (very few) friends, Ainsley, who was herself reading a book in a corner at a Ravenclaw party, and prepared a whole speech about why logically it’s of fundamental use to try some of those games yourself, for the sake of both philosophical and physiological development, and then -- never got a single word out. Instead he just pressed a kiss to her mouth.  

“Thank you.” “You’re welcome.”

And they never spoke of it again.

Age Fifteen - Tsi / Fabian

It was in a similar line of thinking that Tsi, a Slytherin, chose Edgar to be her boyfriend. They’d been transfig partners for almost three months, working on a project together, and eventually she decided he’d be good for snogging. Seeing how Amelia, too, just had gotten a boyfriend, Edgar wasn’t very hesitant to agree. He thought it rather agreeable that Tsi didn’t care about his opinions or wishes and just told him what to do, when and how, as it at least alleviated any form of awkwardness -- and taught him a lot.

She broke up with him when the Summer holidays came, with the words: “You’re probably gay anyway.” He was a little upset as to how one could possibly come to such a conclusion, and then spent the Summer drunk and making out with Fabian.

Age Seventeen and Eighteen - Wandering Philosophers

After graduation, Dell invited Edgar to join his little group of Wandering Philosophers. If one has ever seen one of those Summer of Love hippie bus drug montages, one can image what this year abroad was like for Edgar. It was perhaps 1971 and not 1967 but that did not stop the excess of free love and free drugs.

By the end of the year, Edgar had made more experiences than his mind cared to remember, had massively changed his opinions on friendship and other people, and had -- somehow managed to find a steady girlfriend?

Age Nineteen - Janis

Said steady girlfriend came with him back to Hastings. It’s not entirely clear what came first, her or the end of Edgar’s travels, but either way, the moment he’d spoken his first I Love You, he knew he wanted her to come to England with him. As he worked for the West Sussexian Wizarding Paper, they rented a small apartment by the sea, and he was the happiest one could be.

She was not. The American Witch often hinted at him how small the world had become, how the routines felt so terribly familiar, how there was no newness anymore -- and he thought she meant it in a positive way. It turned out, she didn’t. When Edgar stumbled upon Ainsley one day, she suggested he’d join the Daily Prophet in London, and when he told this to Janis, her cry of relief was great.

“Yes, please, Edgar, go!” she said, and in between words of reassurance that she did love him, that she just hated the small town life, she was already packing her own bags.

Age Twenty to Twenty-Two - Lucienne

It took a while for Edgar to recover from Janis basically fleeing from him, but it was all the easier now that he’d moved to London and was close to Amelia. The two had barely been in contact since graduation, and while he’d done nothing but smoke weed and discuss heatedly if Camus or Sartre were superior, she’d worked herself up to the top of the Ministry of Magic. He couldn’t be prouder. But as he waited for their very different lifestyles to clash, they only grew closer and closer again.

This process was brusquely interrupted when Edgar met Lucienne. She was an actress from one of the underground Wizarding Theatres he wrote about regularly, and (as he’d written in one of his reviews) she needn’t no spotlight to make her shine. She was a bright firework herself, wherever she went, people turned heads, and Edgar never fully understood what she saw in him, why she picked him.

But it mustn’t have been pity, for she was the one to suggest he move in with her. The fact that their greatest obsession was also their common interest helped. While Edgar joined the Order and had his mind growing clouded with the dangers of this war, Lucienne always managed to remind him of the world’s beauty as well. They could rehearse, discuss and analyse plays for hours and hours without it ever growing boring, and while the city outside grew dark, at least inside their apartment Lucienne’s light illuminated everything brightly.

Age Twenty Three - London

It was in the Fall of his twenty-second year that Edgar witnessed the first death of someone close in the Order. Some even said he’d been the cause for it. It changed something in him. After the funeral he saw Caradoc cry for the first time. Had the two hated each other up until that point, something connected them over the grave of their friend. Edgar brought him home, not to Lucienne, but to Amelia. They told her about the Order and about their loss, and till this day, Edgar is not sure why he chose Amelia to comfort them. Perhaps if he hadn’t, if he’d brought Caradoc to Lucienne (who was, after all, an anti-bloodpurism activist) everything would’ve been different now.

But as it were, he stayed with Amelia for days, perhaps weeks, incapable to face Lucienne again, until, about a month later, she sent him his things. No letter, nothing attached. Just a clear sign: they were over.

This was the only time that he and Amelia shared a flat, and along with the truth of his political endeavours, this truly sealed their relationship with wax. Ever since having been sorted into two different houses at Hogwarts, they’d slowly but surely grown apart, but now it was as though they were in Mexico all over again. They cooked together, went out together, slept together -- that is in the same bed, of course. Sometimes they brought home someone from a pub, but it was never until they fully reached the bedroom that it became apparent for who that person was meant for. Amelia? Edgar? Neither? Both? Either way, the moment the person was gone the next day (or same night -- after all, the Bones twins were quite good at being hostile to unwanted people) they were clinging together again.

It was during this time that Edgar remembered why he’d changed his writing hand from left to right, once upon a time: it was to hold Amelia’s at all times.

Age Twenty-Three to Twenty-Five - Genevieve

(Un)fortunately, there were still moments they had to spend apart, namely at work. And it was during work (visiting a Muggle play on Drury Lane) that Edgar met Genevieve. She was different from anyone he’d ever met. She was of royal blood and knew her manners, spoke of luxuries and her own charities with ease, while at the same time showing no sign of vanity or arrogance. She loved theatre and due to being a Muggle, knew nothing about the war that was slowly but surely devouring Edgar’s mind.

Edgar realised quickly that if he wanted to keep up with her, he needed to leave Amelia. And so it came that only after about three months of dating, Genevieve bought them an apartment and they moved in together. He was enamored by her every move, every word, every sight. He was incapable of reviewing any plays but romances, began writing terrible poetry himself and -- neglected everyone but her. Had Amelia been the center point of his life only half a year ago, he now barely remembered to reply to her letters, and was the war still raging, he struggled to see its somber colours through his pink glasses.

So it came, that when it turned out that Genevieve was no Muggle at all, but a Muggleborn who’d chosen to live amongst Muggles, something changed. On the one hand, he loved her even more, now capable to show her the House of Bones and introduce her to his family, on the other hand he knew what this meant. And indeed, it didn’t take long until her family was attacked by Death Eaters. The family had once upon a time been closely connected with a family from the Sacred 28, but after the Statue of Secrecy had been established, the ties had been cut. However this didn’t change the fact that the family knew of the Wizarding World, being reminded of it ever so often whenever a new magical child was born.

“My family is in danger and I don’t know what to do.” “Have you heard of the Order of the Phoenix?”

It was the first time Edgar told someone about the Order, other than Amelia. But while Genevieve thought he’d now ask her to join the fight (she was eager to), he told her about this pilot project of theirs, about taking in refugees and helping them to flee.

“You want me to leave?” He wanted to say no, because never had he loved someone as earnestly and deeply as her, but he said “Yes,” and she was too noble and dignified to fight. After all, it really was the smartest decision.

Age Twenty-Six - Tsi

Yes, Tsi from Year Five. What happened in between Genevieve and the heartbreak she caused and Tsi, should be of no mystery anymore: Amelia. They didn’t officially live together this time as she had her own boyfriend, but they still very much spent every waking moment together. Eventually the boyfriend left. Neither of them really acknowledged it. What mattered was that Amelia forgave Edgar for leaving her so suddenly, and he promised to never to it again.

About four months later, Tsi found Edgar. She had barely changed. She was still a fierce and stubborn Slytherin, hungry for power and control, and all too earnest about her urges and desires. So Edgar, still nursing his heartbreak, was willing to submit himself to her demands once more. She was so different from Genevieve it was easy to forget her in Tsi’s commands and willful ideas.

It ended abruptly when Edgar learnt she agreed with Voldemort’s ideas.

Age Twenty-Seven - London Again

Once again heartbroken, Edgar found himself with Amelia again as well. But this time she made him promise to never hurt her again properly.

“No one must come between us again.” “No one will, I promise.”

Amelia was by now an affiliate of the Order and because Edgar was almost certain that the Other Side knew his face and name, he didn’t want to put Amelia in danger by living with her. So he got his own apartment, a little thing in Muggle China Town, and on the nights he doesn’t spend with Amelia or working, he does bring people home. He cannot stand sleeping alone anymore, the silence causing his thoughts to spiral terribly.

So it doesn’t really matter who that warm body is, he’s content as long as he can nestle up to it at night. Sometimes it’s a good friend, drunk, like Fabian, who needs a place to crash, and sometimes it’s a stranger, who Edgar makes sure not to learn anything about, out of fear to fall in love again.

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

Gimme [Alpha!Cal AU] - The Girl Who Cried Wolf. Part 4

The Girl Who Cried Wolf | Royal Blood | No Love Go | Gimme

Summary: When it comes to the hardest choice in your life, how do you choose right?

Warnings: well, first thing first, it’s 28+k, so you’ve been warned. second, description of violence, mental breakdown and guilty conscience. and of course smut, lol. lack of proof reading too, as usual, sorry about that

A/N: it was a long way, but it’s finally here. thank you to all and every one of you for your patience, support and love. special thanks, as usual, to my designated reader and favourite pixie @bringmethehorizonandpizza, @flannelpunkcalum for alpha!cal concept and @burncrashbromance for mindblowing lyrics edit. This part was really hard to write, but i’m kinda proud with the result and where the story brought us, so I hope you’ll enjoy it just as much as you enjoyed the previous parts. Feedback is extremely appreciated, as always

***

You were tossing and turning sleepless on your bed, the stuffy summer night not making it easier for your numb body and restless mind. You huffed, changing position for what seemed a millionth time that night and kicking the sheets off of you. You tried to relax, catching the sounds filling your room from the opened window. Crickets chirping started playing on your nerves the very next moment. You huffed again, imagining the reaction of Arthur, your hunting trainer, when you turn up to the morning run tired and beaten after a sleepless night. And the worst part was that it wasn’t even your fault. He said he’d be here by midnight and here you were, staying up and waiting for him like a total fool almost an hour later.

If you promise not to bite my head off, you can get down, you heard in your mind.

It was almost pathetic how fast you jumped off your bed and ran to the open window. A young wolf half the size of what he would be in several years was pacing in front of your house. 

You were supposed to come an hour ago! you threw at him trying to sound as angry as you were a minute before.

Had to wait till my dad passed out on his bourbon first. Don’t be petty, you did stay up, he told you and you literally could hear his smirk. You hated this boy so much, you thought, for being so right. Get down, little alpha, we don’t have all night.

You rolled your eyes at the nickname you secretly loved and stepped away from the window. You thought how odd it was, how fast things were changing. Being raised in a wolves’ pack made you so used to the nakedness, yours and of other people. And kids of your age, you were trained together for as long as you could remember yourself, you’ve been so used to seeing each other bare and it was so natural. Was. Until it suddenly changed. You stepped out of the window and to the part of your spacious bedroom where he would have no chance to seeing you before you got to think about it. He still was the wolf you knew from the earliest days of your life, yet taking clothes off in front of him wasn’t so natural for you anymore. Was it that growing up, all the kids around were so eager to experience? Was it those strange things older girls were giggling about? Whatever it was, you were pretty sure you didn’t like it. 

If you changed your mind, could have just said so, he couldn’t see you, but he still could hear you. 

You started pulling your pj off. Made me wait for you for hours and can’t wait five minutes yourself? you snapped back.

Wait for what? You were just standing there.

You frowned and kept silence, deciding he didn’t deserve an answer. Instead you shifted and easily jumped out of the window. The slate cover of the roof was slippery under your paws, but you’ve done that so many times before. You let your paws slide down to the edge and pushed the very last moment, jumping off in one confident move. You landed right in front of him, your legs springing easily. You whisked behind the nearest bush and dashed toward the woods. The faster you get away from the house, the less chances your father or brother notice any of you. 

So what was it you wanted to show me? you looked back at Matt, who was running a little behind, as usual. 

Hope we’re not late, he said instead answering you straight and came forward. He was leading your to the Lakes, you knew for sure, been spending much more time in the woods than in your own house, so you'd learnt all the paths and ways here. But for some reason he chose not the straight way, rounding one of the smaller lakes. Finally he stopped behind a bush and peeked from under it.

We’re right on time, he said, his words full of satisfaction and something else. Something deeper and darker, which made your fur bristle. 

You lowered your snout on your front paws and peeked from under the branches. Two young humans were running towards the lake, a girl a little forward and a guy behind her. They were both naked and laughing happily. 

That’s all? you grumbled, looking back at Matt. You brought me here to watch two humans skinny dipping? 

You know, as a future alpha you should have trained some patience already, Matt answered, lying down on the ground and not taking his eyes off the humans. 

I’ll never be an alpha and you know it, you huffed, settling down beside him. 

Your brother is a prick.

Prick or not, he’s a future alpha. 

You’re my future alpha, Matt retorted looking at you, and nothing will change it.

Make sure you don’t say anything like this to my brother or dad. Or your dad for that matter… Are they kissing? you huffed, looking back at humans. 

Matt chuckled, which sounded more like a high pitched roar. Here’s the best part. 

You saw humans get out of the water, the guy carrying the girl, her legs around his torso and his penis up. You’ve seen men’s genitals before and were pretty sure they weren’t supposed to look like this. The humans were kissing like crazy, not detaching their faces for a slightest moment. 

What are they doing? you mused out loud, scrunching your snout. 

And what do you think? Matt giggled inside your head, his voice is full of smugness. 

Meanwhile the guy put the girl down on the grass and pointed his swollen penis to her pelvis. A moment later his penis disappeared in the girl’s body, lascivious moan flowing over the lake.

So that’s how it’s happening, ew, you couldn’t hold back your disgust, watching humans move in a steady rhythm.

Ew? Don’t be a baby!

Says you, who’s obviously coming here not for the first time to look at that, you snapped back. Pervert!

You stood up and turned back to where you came from.

Hey, where you going?

Home, you shrugged. I’ve got an early training. And you too, if you don’t remember. 

Oh come on! Let’s stay a while!

No, thank you, you wagged your tail in front of his snout. Nothing interesting for me here.

You heard his huff, as he stood up and followed you. You were running in silence for some time. You were acting it cool, but you’d have lied if you said you weren’t bothered by the scene Matt showed you. Or that you weren’t playing it on repeat in your head.

Wanna try it some time? he asked, catching up with you.

Oh, for sure, you snorted, your words filled with sarcasm. But definitely not with you. 

Hey, I was the one who showed it to you! Matt exclaimed, your mocking getting the best of him. You’d felt for some time already there was something more in Matt’s friendship with you than you were ready to accept. And you loved picking up on him for that. You started pacing around him, thinking of how easy it was for you to make him do whatever you wanted. 

Wanna try it? Try and outrun me, you said and rushed towards your house, knowing full well that he would never had a chance to reach you. You were the fastest wolf among the pups of your age and, you were pretty sure, the whole pack. You heard him roar behind you, but there was just so much he could do.

You were running as fast as you could, not to win Matt, you just couldn’t help it. Your mentors along with your father were always joking how it was impossible to stop you once your were let to run. If there was really a thing about being a wolf you loved, it was this, the run. The wind whistling in your ears, green and brown blur the world was, the feeling of freedom only the run gave you. You felt like you had the whole world in front of you, waiting till you chose the side of it to start exploring. Even if you had no chance of such exploration. When you were running, you almost forgot about it.

Soon you weren’t able to make out Matt’s paws hitting on a soft ground behind you. The moon hid in the clouds and the forest got unusually murky. You slowed down, looking around wearily. You knew these woods as the back of your hand, yet you weren’t really sure where you were right now. Everything looking so dark and so strange. No sounds to reach your ears, not a single night bird, not even a cricket. You stopped completely, shrugging from the cold air, wandering, when did it get so cold. You looked at your paws, much bigger than they were when you were twelve, and saw them covered in fog. You smelled the rot, making your nostrils contract, and huffed at the sweetness of it. 

And then you heard him. A dry branch crackled behind you.

Matt? you called, turning back.

But it wasn’t Matt. 

Ripper stood in front of you, bloody mash where his throat was supposed to be, an awful stump on the place of his right hand. He was smiling at you with his horrible lifeless smile. 

“Look what you did to me, little alpha,” he gurgled, dark blood spilling from his mouth and down his ripped throat and chest. “Look at yourself.”

You followed his order, looking down at your paws. Only there were no paws. You were standing in front of him in your human shape, completely naked and covered in blood. It was his blood, you knew, the strains of it exactly how you remembered them. You looked at them in the mirror in Calum’s bathroom long enough that night to remember till the end of your life. The blood was all over your body and it was stinking. That sweet rotten smell you felt, you were the one spreading it around.

“Your father would be so proud of you,” Ripper said and laughed. His horrible gurgling laugh was getting louder and louder, until it filled up the forest and then the whole world and when you thought you’d never be able to hide from it again, you opened your eyes.

You were lying in the bed. Crickets’ chirping flowing inside through open windows, Calum snuffled quietly beside you. You were at his place, you were safe and it all was just a dream. Yet you couldn’t fight how your blood froze in your veins and how hard it was to steady your breath. 

You inhaled deeply and sat up in bed. You could hardly imagine going back to sleep now, but you also knew Calum was a pretty light sleeper and any movement of yours could wake him now. You sniffed the air around, concentrating on his wound on a leg. You got that habit in last couple days. Calum was healing fast as any other wolf, but the wound hadn’t closed completely yet and you were checking its smell every so often dreading to feel any trace of infection. But as many times before you didn’t smell anything strange, just healing flesh and intoxicating Calum’s smell. You huffed, slipped out of the bed and sneaked to the bedroom door. Duke, sleeping next to Calum’s legs, lifted his little snout and snorted in your direction. He looked at you for a moment and then lowered his head back on the covers and closed his eyes. You remembered with what caution and even suspicion the little dog treated you in the beginning. But not a week into your acquaintance and you weren’t any more fascinating for him than a piece of furniture. You found it amusing how instead of developing any feelings to you, Duke chose to ignore your presence, and only hoped he’d change his attitude in the future. You liked this pup and he was so in love with Calum, it made your heart melt. 

You shut the door carefully and ran downstairs. You had one perfect recipe for sleepless nights and even though you hadn’t applied it for a long time, it seemed a good idea today. You slipped out of your clothes, dropping it on the dining room floor and whisked out through the glass doors into the backyard flowed with the moonlight. You shifted instantly and ran inside the forest, which started right behind Calum’s house.

You ran fast, as fast as you only could, almost feeling the same freedom as when you were a kid. You thought how odd it was, you weren’t tied up by your family’s traditions and expectations anymore, but you couldn’t feel the freedom. You never felt it and got used to it years ago, to your own shame.

The night air was whistling in your ears, ferns caressing your paws, trees stepping away to give you space, woods welcoming you like a long lost child. You ran till you couldn’t feel your paws and lungs anymore. You ran without any destination, not bothering with remembering the way, knowing your instincts would lead you back home. By the time you came across little forest pond, you were positively out of breath. But the numbness in your mind exactly what you were seeking.

He was sitting next to the water like he was waiting for you. But somehow, you weren’t surprised. Matt stood up, as he noticed you, and shifted. 

“I thought you were hiding from me,” he said with a smirk.

You sniffed around, making sure there were no one besides the two of you, and shifted. Cool air made you shiver, you body heated after your race. 

“Been busy,” you shrugged. 

“With another wolf, as I smell,” he stated, same smirk still on his face, like it was some kind of a joke.

You only frowned, not getting why he was saying it.

“You’ve changed,” Matt said, couple of minutes of silence later. 

“You think?” 

Your words were free of sarcasm and flirt. You were really interested how much of a change he could see in you after ten years and also a little surprised he could make such a conclusion two minutes into your talk. 

“You have,” he confirmed. “Not only your body, though it changed too.”

You shivered under his look. You felt just like when you were twelve and were stepping away from the window in order for him not to see you. You knew your reaction was irrational, this man saw you naked before numerous amount of times. Hell, he went with you through your first heat. But still you felt uncomfortable and couldn’t help it. 

You stepped forward and sat on the shore, pulling your knees closer to your chest.

“You said you wanted to talk,” you reminded him. “Talk then.”

Matt sat next to you, his eyes not leaving you for a moment.

“God, I missed you like hell, little alpha,” he mused out loud. The old forgotten nickname bringing up the chill. You saw Ripper in front of you again and needed to shake your head to drive the illusion off. You didn’t answer anything to Matt. Did you miss him, you questioned yourself again. No, you didn’t. You knew it well. The memories of your family and how you departed obscuring every other moment or face you could have remembered. You wiped out your past and never regretted it a bit. 

“How have you been?” Matt asked, getting you wouldn’t say those words back.

You let a humourless laugh.

“Oh, perfect,” you assured him. “No crazy family to torture me, no pack to care for, no everyday trainings and feeling imperfect as fuck. Freedom is great, Matt. You should try it some time too.”

He chuckled and went on, “So great that you gave it up for some other alpha?”

“I didn’t give up anything,” you sighed and stood up. In all the mess you’d had in your life lately, you were positive, there was no place for a ghost’s from your past jealousy. “If that’s what you wanted to talk about, I better just go.”

“I did try freedom, you know,” he threw back. “I left the pack.”

“Good for you,” you dropped, not looking back.

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay? Can you just wait? I promise, I won’t take much of your time,” he begged.

You huffed, stopping and turning around. You were asking yourself, what you were doing here, why you were listening to him. But you knew, what was more interesting is what he was doing here. Would you lose probably the only chance to know it?

“Everything has changed back home since you left.”

You sighed again. Is that where he was going with it? “I don’t care, Matt. If you came to talk about the pack, I’m sorry, but I’m not really interested.”

“I don’t believe you,” Matt shook his head. “It’s still your pack.”

“No, it’s not. Hasn’t been for ten years now. And it can go to hell, won’t be much difference for me anyway.”

“I know where those scars on your back are from,” he stated. You knew he heard bitterness in your voice clear enough to read between lines. “But pack is not only your father and brother. It’s other wolves too.”

“Well, that’s too bad for them.”

“Those wolves are still your pack, even if you chose to think differently,” Matt said, unknown sadness in his voice. 

You shook your head, looking anywhere but at him. Whatever he said, whatever he could say more, you’ve made your choice that night ten years ago, bleeding on the driveway of your father’s house. 

“Was nice seeing you,” you said, metal now in your voice. “Though, I suggest you not overusing your welcome in this town. Local wolves don’t really like strangers.”

You saw a look of annoyance on his face, but didn’t care for it much. You shifted back into the wolf shape and ran back. You weren’t running away from him. You were pretty sure he still was unable to outrun you, but he didn’t even follow you, was still standing there looking at you. 

You let the wind and forest smells push him out of your mind, alongside with the memories of your long forgotten home. You were pacing through the woods, not hurrying much, until some rustle behind the trees made you freeze on the spot. You breathed in, trying to notice anything strange or unfamiliar in the night air. You looked around, the fur on your nape bristling. The place was so familiar.

It struck you the next moment. That was the place from your dream. Here stood Ripper, waiting for you. 

You felt all your fears jumping on you, all the ghosts chasing you through the night. You ran off like you were running for your life, no matter the sleepless night or the distance you covered on the way here. You were running blind, faster than the light. You knew nothing besides your run. You had to run, you had to run away from it. 

You let yourself relax a little only as you rushed back into Calum’s house. Familiar scents you got so used to in the last several days enveloping you, making you loosen up. You paced a little through the dining room, making circles around the pile of clothes on the floor and decided you were ready to shift. 

You looked at your paws confused. Then tried again. And again. You looked at your reflection in the glass doors, tilting your snout in silent question. You were still a wolf. You wanted to shift back. And you couldn’t.

You felt exhaustion overflowing you as you let out huge yawn. You huffed and whisked upstairs, thinking that you were too tired and that was probably the reason you couldn’t shift. You pushed the door to the bedroom and went inside, steps of your soft paws soundless. 

Duke lifted his head up, disturbed by your presence once again. He looked at you, trying to understand what a big dog like you was doing in his master’s bedroom. He came up to the bed edge and sniffed you, you only happy to provide your face for that. As he recognised your smell, he huffed scornfully and got back to his place in between Calum’s legs now, not sparing you another look. You grinned to such reaction of a little dog and settled down on a rug on the Calum’s side of a bed. At least you couldn’t see dreams in a wolf’s shape. Being calmed by that thought, you lowered your snout on your crossed paws, closed your eyes and let your tired mind drift to sleep.

***

Light sounds of harp filled you with a rare serenity. Or maybe it was Calum’s smell, you didn’t quite know. You stole another look of him over the menu, ghost of a smile lingering on your lips. 

“Are we going for meat?” Calum asked you. You looked up at him, this time openly, and let the smile grow. 

“Of course,” you confirmed. People joked sometimes how a wolf was always a wolf, even in a human shape. You did prefer meat to any other type of food, and, giving it another thought, you’ve never met a wolf who didn’t. Probably there was more truth to this stereotype after all. 

Calum nodded and, as the waiter came up to you, made an order. 

He looked up at you again, as the waiter disappeared taking your menu with him, and smirked. His eyes lingered over your body, before he said, “Well, at least we made it to the restaurant this time.” 

“Was there a chance we wouldn’t?” you asked innocently, but Calum only quirked an eyebrow at you and gave another dirty look to the neckline of your dress, which in this particular case should have been called a breastline. The waiter approached you again with a bottle of wine, stopping you from dwelling on the topic.

You knew for sure where that Calum’s remark came from. This was actually your third attempt of having a date. The first time you didn’t even have a chance to put your shoes on. 

Calum came up to your apartment that evening, cause you were late from work and didn’t  have enough time to get ready. He lost it the moment he saw you opening a door for him. He blamed your top. Light beige fabric, almost the same colour as your skin, did make you look as if you were naked, but who knew it’d bring that reaction. His lips crashed yours before you uttered a simple “Hi”. It was almost a miracle you made it to your bedroom with how desperate that kiss was. You knew the fact that you’d spent the week before that at his house  but not letting him touch you because of his healing wounds also added to the nerve of a moment. When you finally detached from each other that night, all restaurants were long closed, but neither of you was upset about it. You ordered Chinese and ate it right in the bed, naked and happy. You were pretty sure it was the tastiest Chinese takeaway in your entire life. 

The second time you settled for a blue dress with a high neckline, not to try your luck. That helped you make it to the movies, Calum planned as a beginning of your evening, having yet another restaurant reservation for later. But as closed as this dress was on the upper part of your body, it left your legs on full display to Calum’s genuine amusement. Not ten minutes into the film you felt his hand creeping up your thigh with an unmistakable intention. You were the only ones on the row and you let him have his way with you, his fingers soon dancing around your clit. In a bold attempt of paying him back, you shoved your hand down into his pants. As a result you came three times during that movie and he two. None of you could remember what the film was about. And of course, you didn’t make it to the restaurant that night either. 

So tonight was really a little victory for you. And looking at how deliciously stretched on his chest his navy button down was, you asked yourself how long would you two last. Calum smirked again at you and raised his wine glass.

“What are you thinking about there, love?” You smiled at him and sipped your wine, mirroring his action. He knew what you were thinking about, his next words only proving it. “So, will I get a prize if I hold all the date long?”

“Not sure about the prize, but they say anticipation adds to the pleasure,” you mused out loud. 

“Don’t know how it can get any better,” Calum shook his head making you chuckle. “By the way, you look absolutely terrific in that dress.”

“Thank you. It was actually a gift,” you informed Calum after an appreciating nod, telling him what he’d already knew, as it was exactly the dress he brought you on the day of the attack.

“Well, that person has good taste.”

“He does,” you agreed, “in women.”

Calum laughed and you felt your heart trembling at how carefree and happy that laugh was. 

“So,” you started with a little dramatic intonation when the food was served, “what do you do for the living,...Kevin, right?”

Calum snorted at that and shook his head. He took a sip of his wine and looked at you, devils dance in his dark eyes. “Very funny.” You shrugged innocently. He huffed and answered, “I sell food.”

“You mean, you owe a grocery shop?”

“Well,” Calum took one more bite of his meat, “we with Ash actually owe the eight biggest supermarkets in town, but we did start with a little grocery shop some years ago.”

You stared at him over the rim of you glass, comprehension taking some time. “So, the supermarket I was going to all that time…?”

“Yup, that’s ours too,” Calum nodded. 

“Wow,” you uttered.

Calum shrugged. “It’s just business. Not better and not worse than any other.”

“Yeah, no, I got it,” you waved your hand, showing it wasn’t what you were talking about. “Was actually wondering why I don’t have a discount yet,” you joked, making him smile wider, before asking the real question, “But why grocery?”

“Cause, why not?” Calum looked at you and added, “Eat, please.”

“So you’re saying, you woke up one gloomy morning and thought ‘I’m gonna sell yoghurts!’, like that?”

Your persistence in not dropping the yoghurt topic made Calum chuckle again. You still called Andy ‘the yoghurt guy’ (mostly when Andy wasn’t around) and were bringing up poor dairy product in conversations under any excuse.

“I’m not sure if the morning was gloomy, but yeah, pretty much. It didn’t require so much specific knowledge and, I mean, people will always need food, so it’s really profitable in the long term meaning.” He threw another look at your barely touched meal. “You’re not eating.”

“And you have an instinct of feeding everybody?” you asked in return, quirking an eyebrow. 

“You can draw any conclusions you want,” Calum focused on his own steak, almost successfully playing indifference.

“I do think the choice of a business says more about you as an alpha than as an entrepreneur,” you agreed, chewing on an asparagus. 

“Following your logic, financial management should also say a lot about you,” your alpha noted with a wicked smile. 

You shrugged, gave that idea another thought and said, “Financial management does require a lot of control and concentration, and those are two of quite a few things I’m really good at.”

“Quite a few things?” Calum repeated. “Sounds doubtful.”

“No, no,” you hasted to assure him, almost hitting your glass with your fork in the process, “I’ve checked and it turned out no human acceptable professions require skills of hunting prey down in a dark forest or ripping throats out.”

If you couldn’t feel the change in Calum’s mood with your spine, just looking at how tensed his neck got would be enough. He put his glass down and looked at your warily. You kept yourself from rolling your eyes, knowing exactly what was going your way, and cursed the lack of a filter on your mouth. 

“About ripping throats,” Calum started. “I know you keep saying you’re alright…”

“Cause I am,” you said. 

“You’ve been sleeping not well lately,” Calum finished with a sigh. 

“It’s just the stress,” you repeated the same lie you’d been feeding Calum with for the last week. 

“Stress doesn’t stop us from shifting.”

“I thought, we discussed it,” you huffed, not daring looking up at Calum. Not because you were afraid of what you could see in his eyes, but because you dreaded he could see the ghost of Ripper in yours. 

“We did,” Calum agreed. Cause you really discussed it, the very next morning, when Calum almost stepped on you, sleeping on the floor by his side of the bed still in your wolf shape. You discussed it and you promised you were alright and never mentioned your nightmare or the meeting with Matt. Just said you couldn’t sleep and went out for a run and was too tired to shift afterwords. But Calum felt there was something more to it than you were saying, your connection going deep enough for him to understand such things. He didn’t push, though, and let you have your way with it. But you knew he had been watching you a little more careful at nights since that morning and tried to wait till you fall asleep first. You both knew you weren’t completely honest with each other, but both kept silence, afraid of pushing too hard again. 

“Listen,” you said with a huff, stretching your arm out and taking his hand in yours, “that night wasn’t easy for any of us and it’d be stupid to say it didn’t have its effect. But it’s nothing of a great importance, I promise. You don’t have to worry about me.” 

“But that’s kinda the idea, no?” Calum smiled, squeezing your hand back. “I do wanna worry about you, omega.”

“Choose the better reason, then, alpha,” you shrugged. “And before you actually do, you can tell me how you met Ashton.”

Calum’s smile grew bigger. “Well, that’s a funny story. Cause it definitely didn’t happen when I first moved to the town and he decided I came to overthrow him.”

“Oh, gosh, no!” you snorted in your napkin. “Don’t say he attacked you!”

Calum nodded with a smirk, “That’s exactly what he did.”

You kept laughing. “And what’s so funny in this?” Calum huffed.

“I just… Come on, be honest, who won?”

Calum rolled his eyes and that was enough for you to know the answer. “If you ever tell anyone, I’m never gonna eat you out again,” he said, his eyes narrow, but smile still on his face.

You laughed even harder at his words. “That’s- that’s a serious threat,” you uttered, calming down a little. “But don’t you think never is kinda long?”

“Never ever,” Calum confirmed. 

“Sure you’ll be able to keep this promise?” you smirked at him, suddenly feeling the need of his lips between your thighs. You pressed your legs together and by the satisfactory chuckle of Calum, you understood he noticed your subtle move.

“Sure you wanna check?”

You only smiled to that, sipping on your wine. That little joking threat put you back on the track you were almost always at with Calum. The track of wanting each other a little too much, of teasing each other a little too hard, of feeling for each other a little too intensely. You could see the same flame back in his eyes and since that moment no matter what you were talking about, it all was just an act. The one you played, while waiting till you could hold each other again. 

Which happened not so long after, with Calum pressing you to the wall in the dark hall of his house. His lips torturing your lips, his hands rolling up the hem of your dress impatiently. 

“Someone’s needy,” you whispered in his ear when his lips slipped to your neck.

“Not my fault, your dress is a weapon of mass destruction,” he breathed between kisses.

You giggled, his stubble tickling you. “Well, you chose it,” you reminded him, taking his jacket off hastily. 

“Oh, yeah, how right I was,” Calum mused, pulling your hips from the wall to roll the dress up. As his hands pushed the satin fabric to your waist, Calum froze, not feeling anything else on you. You felt rather than saw his quizzical look. 

“And where’s your underwear?” he asked, his voice even heavier than before with all the lust and need. 

You shrugged, “Didn’t see the point really.” What else was there to say? You were surprised with how long your date took, being sure Calum would have you naked in less than an hour. But he did hold all the date long. 

“Dirty little omega,” he whispered, pressing his still covered hard dick to your unclothed centre. 

“But that’s how you like me,” you whisper back, attaching your lips to his neck, his lustful huff being your award. You lifted up your leg and snaked it over his hip, pressing him even more into you. 

“I’d like you any way I could get you,” Calum admitted. He picked both your legs up, you grasping his waist with them, and pinned you to the wall with his toned body. His lips found yours with another greedy kiss. His tongue kept assaulting your mouth, as you heard him unzipping his pants. “Gonna take you right here,” Calum breathed out. He wasn’t fully asking, but still you felt a ghost of hesitation in his actions. 

“Please,” you moaned into his mouth, pulling him fully into yourself, your arms around his neck. His left hand squeezed on your waist harder, probably leaving marks on your skin,while his right was hurrying to free his dick from his pants and underwear. 

“Need help?” you giggled at his struggles, but the very next moment you felt him pushing into you. You opened your mouth, air leaving your chest, your legs squeezing around Calum uncontrollably, you almost lost it, feeling the stretch. 

“Nah, I’m good,” Calum answered with a cocky smile, enjoying how worked up you got instantly. He rocked his hips once, crushing you into the wall, going on full and catching your broken breath with his lips. 

You didn’t need long, his hard pushes getting faster with every other minute, making your whines go louder. Anticipation definitely added to the pleasure, but shortened the length of it. You were biting on his shoulder through his shirt in no time, not having it in you to hold any longer, Calum roaring at the feeling of your walls squeezing his dick. He couldn’t hold either, coating your insides with his cum, his breaths short and heavy. You unclenched your teeth and threw your head back, looking at him, blue eyes glowing into yellow ones. 

“Need to do this every evening,” Calum said, satisfaction all over his face.

“Fucking against the wall?” you mused, not really getting what he was about.

Calum chuckled, “No, taking you out on dates.”

“Oh, please, dressing up each time?” you pouted jokingly. “Too much trouble.”

“But the endings are blast,” Calum hid his face in your neck, you felt his smile on your skin. 

“Let’s make it this way. Fuck me from behind on your bed and I promise to think about it.”

You felt Calum’s whole body shake with laughter as he pushed you both from the wall. You clung on his shoulders and whined again, his dick still in you and moving inside with every Calum’s step, rubbing on your sensitive walls and getting harder from the friction again. 

“You sure we’re gonna make it to the bedroom?” you giggled again. 

Calum didn’t answer, too focused on carrying you up the stairs and considering the idea of never letting go of you. Cause right now he was ready to do anything to hear these giggles till the end of his life. 

***

“What have you lost there?” Calum chuckled, looking at you searching for something in the depths of your bag. You stopped at the traffic lights on the way to your work, you’re being already used to him driving you after spending nights at his place. Looking back at the couple weeks passed after the attack, you couldn’t remember when you drove your car last time. You missed driving a little, but had no objections against spending some more time in Calum’s black suv. 

“The gum,” you huffed, going through all the stuff you had inside your bag. “I remember buying it, just can’t find it now.”

“Maybe you left it in some other bag of yours,” Calum suggested. After you spent first several days following the night of the attack, not leaving Calum’s side for long, some of your clothes and make-up and other stuff did roll over to his house. Along with you bags, to Calum’s utter amusement. First he just asked you if you really needed that many. Getting the look from you, he just laughed, but that marked the beginning of his mocking you. You couldn’t help it as you loved bags and considered them the only fashion weakness of yours and were just rolling your eyes each time Calum was making another remark. Just like he did now. 

“Not helping,” you muttered. 

“Look in the glovebox, there should be some,” he told you, still tittering.

You opened the glovebox and froze for a moment. The full pack of a mint gum was there. Alongside with some docs, a pack of cigarettes and your panties, the ones you left there yourself what seemed an eternity ago. You picked up the gum, closed the glovebox and turned to Calum. 

“Why are my panties still there?” you asked with a wicked smile. 

Calum smirked, not taking his eyes from the road. “They are my first present from you, gotta keep ‘em close.”

You chuckled. 

“The smell is worn off already, though,” he added visibly upset by that fact. 

“Well, you know where the laundry basket is, you can choose any other you like,” you laughed.

“Ah, but since you don’t wear them anymore, how long would those that are there last?”

“Please! That was one time,” you rolled your eyes again. “I am wearing my underwear now.”

“Good to know, as you’ll need them today,” Calum nodded, driving up to your office and stopping the car.

“I will need them?” you repeated as he turned to you with his whole body.

“Girls are picking you up tonight,” he said and took your hands into his. He thought and added, “If you don’t mind, of course.”

“What girls?”

“Gabbie and Lara, you know…”

“The one that’s getting married on Saturday and the one that almost bit off those fuckers’ heads when we found you,” you interrupted Calum, listing what you knew about them.

“The very same,” Calum sighed, sensing the question in your words.

“And why are two of the Ashton’s pure bloods picking me up after work?” you quirked an eyebrow. 

“To take you shopping,” Calum explained. You kept staring at him, giving nothing away. “Cause you need a dress for the wedding on Saturday,” he added.

You went back to yesterday evening in your memory, reminiscing on Calum tearing your dress apart, too eager to get your naked. You did need a dress, especially after you’d confirmed on going with Calum to that wedding. But you still had no idea why you had to shop in a company of two pure bloods. So you kept staring at Calum, which, to your surprise, was really making him nervous.

“You can question them on my behalf too, cause it was totally their idea and I have nothing to do with it, so please, stop burning a hole in my head,” he finally huffed, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“So, pack mingling time?” you sighed.

“Listen, you don’t need to worry, they’re good wolves and…” Calum had to stop under your teasing look.

“I don’t need to worry?” you asked him back, amused with how anxious for your he was.

Calum pulled you closer, “Too much sass for a little omega.”

You smiled into the kiss that followed, melting in his arms.

“Please, buy something ugly,” Calum asked couple minutes later, his eyes still closed, your forehead rested against his, “so I can actually make it through the wedding without getting you naked in the woods nearby. I do need to keep a face in front of my wolves.”

You chuckled and pulled away from him. “I’ll see what I can do,” you promised, pecked him on the lips one last time and without any other word left the car.

Your smile disappeared as soon as you entered the elevator. You couldn’t show your nerves to Calum, knowing he’d go all overprotecting alpha and probably blame himself for troubling you. But you’d also lie if you said you felt absolutely at ease about that shopping with the pure bloods arrangement. You knew as an alpha mate you had your rightful place in his pack now and no wolf could challenge it. But you also weren’t a fool to believe everyone was elated to accept you. After all, Calum was a wealthy, fair and ridiculously attractive alpha, and you could only guess how many she-wolves’ game you put a crimp in with coming into town and his life. They had all their right not to trust you. You wouldn’t trust you if you were them, you though, sitting down at your desk. 

You could successfully keep your nerves at bay with your work which, as you told Calum just yesterday, did require a lot of concentration. But as the end of the working day grew nearer, you felt all the stupid ideas creeping up on you. When finally leaving the office you were hoping them happen to be total bitches, for you at least knowing how to deal with those instead of subtle hating of smiling faces. You winded yourself up so much that when you saw them waiting for you in the parking lot, Lara sitting on her car’s hood in ripped jeans and combat boots and Gabbie giggling near in a light flowery dress, both being relaxed and looking so easy-going, you felt like the greatest fool in the world. Worrying about all the bad scenarios you hadn’t even considered the idea of everything turning up well. 

“Hey there,” Lara called on you as you came closer. 

You smiled and already opened your mouth to greet them, when found yourself being squeezed in deceptively careful embrace of Gabbie. 

“Thank you for agreeing to come to my wedding,” she whispered, her voice surprisingly trembling.

“Yeah, that’s nothing really,” you mumbled in return, taken aback by such sentiment, “thank you for inviting me.”

“It’s not nothing,” Gabbie looked at you with all seriousness she had in her, “you’ve saved the pack. It’s a great honor for me.”

You just stood there, totally at a loss for words, looking in the sincere face of that young girl. 

“Well done, Gabs,” chuckled Lara, jumping off the hood and stepping closer to the two of you. “Nothing’s more important than making everybody awkward at the first meeting.” She smiled to you and you felt the lump in your throat slowly sinking. “I’m Lara by the way, it’s nice to officially meet you. And I hope you won’t mind not hugging, stupid girly stuff is actually Gabbie’s prerogative.”

“There’s nothing girly in showing your gratitude,” Gabbie huffed taking a step back from you. 

You snorted. “I don’t mind either way,” you assured them both and then smiled to Gabbie, “and we can hug any time you want.”

Gabbie’s smile shone like a thousand suns at your words and you finally got a glimpse of understanding of all the warm feelings you sensed in Calum when he was talking about her. 

Not half an hour later you were in a changing room with half  a dozen dresses and a slightly anxious bride waiting outside. 

“Are you sure you have time for shopping?” you asked Gabbie, slipping out of your clothes.

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, I thought wedding preparation takes all the time the bride have,” you explained, thinking what dress to try first.

“Everything’s been ready for some time. We actually postponed the ceremony, waiting till alpha gets better. And you’re so not wearing this to my wedding, Lara!”

You peeked out in your half zipped dress to see Ashton’s pure blood in black leather dress, wrapping her body like a tight glove. 

“You look like you’re a bdsm porn model,” hissed Gabbie, coming up to you and helping you with a zipper on a light blue satin dress.

“You know, coming from you that’s an actual complement,” Lara mocked her, spinning in front of the mirror. “Can you imagine Luke’s reaction when he sees it?”

“I actually can and that’s exactly why I’m saying no. I need my maid of honor next to me on my wedding day and not half naked in the woods having slutty wedding sex.”

“You do know who you should be worrying about for having slutty wedding sex on Saturday, honey,” Lara chuckled and winked at you. 

You looked at them both not really getting that wink or why Gabbie suddenly looked anywhere but at you. You felt your cheeks turning red. You’d thought sometimes that your with Calum sexual life was too intense even for wolves, but you were also sure that you succeeded in not letting it out of your bedrooms. Or his car for that matter. And you were more than surprised that his wolves knew at least anything. Could there be any wolves in that cinema hall, you thought. 

“Relax,” Lara giggled, stepping away from the mirror and giving you space to examine the dress. “You’ve been together for less than a month. We all know how the story goes.”

She smiled, looking at your reflection, but you’d lie if you said those words made you feel better. 

“We do?” you asked instead.

Lara looked you in the face, mild confusion in her eyes. 

“Well, going crazily physical is normal for mates. So, yeah,” she shrugged, watching your reaction carefully. You smiled and focused on the dress, trying not to let it shown how little you actually knew on the matter. 

“It does get easier after mating. So no worries here, I know how difficult it can get,” Gabbie stepped closer and lifted your hair in an improvised high hairstyle. “This one would look lovely if you open your neck,” she suggested. 

“Don’t believe a word she’s saying,” Lara smiled. “First, lusting over your mate won’t get any easier, so learn to live with it. And second, she’s too polite to tell you that light blue is her bridesmaids’ colour, so you probably better go for another one.”

“Oh my god, Lara!” Gabbie gasped, dropping your hair. “You’re awfully rude!”

“No, I’m just honest. Also, this dress makes you fat and you better leave your hair down,” she added, turning to you and looking at your neck, which, you remembered, had at least two hickeys after the previous night. 

Suddenly, you laughed loudly. You couldn’t remember when you actually had girlfriends close enough to go shopping while discussing men and relationships, and this whole scene made you stupidly happy. 

You grasped on Gabbie’s shoulders. “I promise we won’t have sex at your wedding reception,” you said, still giggling. “Any other colour arrangements I should know about?” you asked, going back to your stall.

“Just keep away from anything blue or ivory related and you should be fine,” Lara said, turning back to the mirror.  “I’m so taking this dress,” she muttered with satisfaction.

Gabbie huffed, “You already have a dress for the wedding, why buying more?”

“Kidding, right? There are never too many dresses!”

“True,” you smiled, emerging again in a pink gown.

“See, I’m right,” Lara looked back at you and frowned.

“No?” you asked, turning to the mirror. 

“Too pink for a warrior princess you are,” Lara shrugged.

“A warrior princess?” you snorted. “Since when do I owe the title?”

“Since being the most badass omega she-wolf I’ve seen during the last attack.”

“And I think pink suits everyone,” Gabbie noted, standing on the other side of you.

“You mean, you like this dress?” you asked, both you and Lara looking at Gabbie now.

She huffed, “Well, you know, I think it does make you look more tender, which is good.”

“Gabbie, I look like a cupcake in fabric,” you laughed. 

“Yes, you do, oh my god!” she rolled her eyes and laughed too. She sat back in her armchair, while you with Lara disappeared behind curtains. You had so much time to get out of the pink dress, but before you could put on anything else, you heard Lara cry out in her stall, “God fucking Jesus, aw!” 

You with Gabbie rushed to her only to find her leaning on a wall and rubbing on her right elbow. 

“Luke?” Gabbie asked. 

“Fucking wankers with their trainings,” Lara breathed out angrily, nodding. “I’m okay, Ashton threw him into a birch.”

“Trainings?” you asked. It was odd, seeing other wolf going through the same thing you went that night when you felt all the Calum’s injuries. But the pain should have been strong enough for Lara to feel it, so was the training that intense.

“Yeah, well, don’t get me wrong, I respect Calum and all the shit, but he’s been too active with training the guard lately,” Lara muttered, looking back at you. Her eyes widened up again and that moment you realised you were standing before them in only your underwear. “And not only with training, obviously,” she drawled, looking at his fingerprints and hickeys on your ribs. 

“I- I’m sorry,” you uttered, stepping back. You weren’t embarrassed about your marks or anything. But Calum was one of these girls’ alpha and you had no idea how exactly the etiquette worked in such cases.

“Please, don’t be, you’re one lucky girl,” Lara stittered. “I’m actually envious!” she declared then. “I’m off to buy some lingerie after we finish with dresses, I need some of those marks on me too.”

“You’re so straightforward, it’s embarrassing,” Gabbie shook her head. 

You smiled and disappeared in your stall again. “Don’t be a prude,” you heard Lara hiss at Gabbie, and then call up on you again. “Just make sure you choose a dress to cover all of them, princess. We want you to survive the wedding.”

“Is there a chance I won’t?” you asked, letting Gabbie to help you again with a zipper. 

“Well, all omegas are gonna hate you anyway,” Lara confirmed your previous concerns, sitting down on the armchair to tie up her boots, dressed only in her jeans and bra.

“And some more than others,” Gabbie muttered behind your. “But you shouldn’t worry about the pack. Everybody’s gonna accept you as soon as you and alpha mate.”

Instead of looking at the dress in the mirror, your eyes got stuck on a dark mark on Gabbie’s neck, right under her ear. You’d seen Lara’s mark earlier too, on her throat up under her chin, much lighter in colour, probably because of being there longer. You thought about it again, what it would be like to have one on your neck, a perfect mark from Calum’s bite. 

You didn’t like that dress either and hid behind the curtains, too deep in your thoughts again. You tried to imagine such deep connection between you and your alpha, asking yourself for a hundredth time if you could live like that. Mating was one of the most important moments in every wolf’s life, as you could have only one mate and this bound was forever. At least in theory. But it also meant no personal space. Mates shared not only pain, but all the feelings, deep thoughts, fears. You couldn’t lie to your mate, as you could never be alone anymore, even inside your own head. It scared you more than anything in the world, cause you knew you wanted to be with Calum. But after everything you’d seen in your life, you no longer believed in forever. 

“So when is your turn, Lara?” you heard from behind the curtain.

“My turn?” You could already visualise Lara’s expression, even though you knew her for a little more than an hour. 

“Yeah, your and Luke’s turn to tie the knot finally?”

“Would you look at that!” Lara stood up and came to you, looking at you in awe. “I think we have a dress!” she concluded pushing you to the mirror.

“The dress is gorgeous,” Gabbie confirmed and looked back at Lara, “but don’t change the topic.”

Lara rolled her eyes, “Why would we bother with human formality. We had our mating marks first night we were together, what else do you need?”

“First night?” you blurted out before you could stop yourself, totally distracted from your dress by that time. 

Lara shrugged nonchalantly, catching your full of surprise eyes in the mirror. “We with Luke loved each other since we were kids…”

“Even though were dumb enough not to admit it for years,” Gabbie snorted. 

“Everybody has their own way, Gabs, this was ours, nothing’s wrong with it.”

“She punched Luke right in the face two weeks before he graduated from school,” Gabbie said leaning closer to your ear, “and they haven’t said each other a word for the next two years! And she calls it ‘their way’ for God's sake!” she giggled under Lara’s intense stare.

“Anyway,” said Lara, stressing the word, “when we did get together, everything was pretty clear from the start, so the mating mark came rather natural.” She pulled your hair to the back and fixed the neck line of the dress. “You’ll need big earrings and wine coloured lipstick.”

“I have several to choose from,” you smiled, trying to focus on examining the dress, which was exactly what you needed. 

“Is that what you’re worried about?” Gabbie asked out of the blue. “Mating?”

“And she nags me about being straightforward,” Lara sighed, stepping back to the armchair. 

You shrugged, trying to play it cool. “Finding your mate does make you think about all sorts of things,” you admitted. 

“There’s no right or wrong time to do this,” Gabbie assured you, sounding so serious and wise all of a sudden. “Lara and Luke did it the very first night, while we with Pete needed almost half a year. Well, I needed, Pete just felt I wasn’t ready,” she added. “You will know when you should do it. Not like it’s expected or anything.”

You sighed. “He’s a pack’s alpha,” you said, revealing some of your worries and at the same time wondering how easy it was to trust these two she-wolves. “People do look up at him and expect things from him.”

“Not these things,” Gabbie smiled and shook her head. “We’re simply glad he found you. Calum is a great alpha and he deserves to be happy just like every one of us. But everything else is just between the two of you. Pack knows it, we respect our alpha’s privacy.”

“Technically,” drawled Lara with a teasing smile, “Calum isn’t your alpha anymore, Gabs.”

Gabbie dramatically sighed and then giggled. “So, are you buying this dress or what?”

The three of you were walking up the street to Lara’s car an hour later, bags not only with new dresses but also lingerie and shoes in your hands. You felt so carefree you knew something was bound to happen. And then it did. He stepped out of a butcher’s and stopped, staring at you.

You huffed and asked, “You wanna maybe stop for some coffee?”

Confused looks changed into the content nods and not a minute later the pure bloods were entering the nearest coffee shop, assured you’d join them in a couple minutes. 

You crossed the road and came up to Matt, who was looking at you disapprovingly.

“I was sure you left,” you started without any greetings, displease prominent in your tone.

“I don’t give up that easily.”

“What more do you want?” 

He huffed and took half a step to you, “You promised we talk.”

“We did. Too bad you couldn’t say anything interesting.”

“You have to listen to what I have to say, little alpha!” Matt growled.

You sighed, looking back at the coffee shop. You could see Lara watching you from the other side of the window, phone in her hand. Calum would be informed in a minute, if he wasn’t already. 

“I don’t have time for it anyway,” you said and stepped back. 

“And when will you have time?” 

You looked at Matt again, seeing your past, your family, everything you’d known standing behind him. Really, when would you have time for him and all of it? Would you have any for that matter?

“And don’t give me that crap again, how you don’t care for the pack, we both know it’s bullshit,” he added, seeing doubt on your face. “The Lakes are in your blood. You can’t shake it off, little alpha.”

You frowned. No matter how much you fought it, Matt was right. You looked back again, seeing Gabbie now standing next to Lara as they both watched you. They were great, you couldn’t deny it. And you’d be elated for them to be your pack. But they weren’t. At least not yet. Your pack was far away from here, but it was still your pack. 

“Meet me here tomorrow at eight,” you dropped and turned away, not sparing him another glance and wondering if you really gonna regret it as much as you thought.

***

Setting sun was painting the valley in front of them all shades of pink and orange. Calum inhaled deeply, watching the town below them. The town they called their home and the one they sweared to protect. 

Ashton came up to him, handed him a bottle of beer and jumped on the car’s hood Calum was sitting on. 

“Fucking dope place we’ve chosen for our packs, my friend!” Ashton declared, opening his beer. Calum could only nod to that as they clinked their bottles.

“So, they took her shopping?” Ashton asked after they took their first sips. 

“I still think it was just a scheme to sneak from the training,” Calum chuckled. 

Ashton snorted too, “With how active you’ve been this week, I don’t blame them.”

Calum just shrugged to that, they both distracted by Ashton’s phone vibrating. He picked it up and read a message. Then huffed, looked at Cal and then back at the message.

“What is it?” Calum asked.

“Lara says your omega is talking to that wolf who came to town the day before the attack. Do you know him?”

Calum shook his head.

“Does she know him?”

“Obviously, as she’s talking to him right now,” Calum answered with a sigh.

“Did she tell you about him? Shall I send someone after him?”

“No need, Andy’s already on it. But thanks for the info,” Calum frowned and took another sip of his beer.

“Speaking of girls, I had an interesting talk with Gabbie couple days ago,” said Ashton couple minutes later. “The one you should know about.” 

Calum turned to his friend, quirking an eyebrow. 

“She asked for my permission to stay a pure blood for your mate.”

“Thank Gabbie on my behalf, but there’s no need. I can protect my omega,” Calum said. 

“More like she can protect herself if needed,” Ashton giggled.

“Gabbie is your pure blood now, so...”

“Yeah, but I have Lara for whenever I meet my mate,” Ashton interrupted him. “So I told Gabs I see no problem to that. You can thank her yourself, she’s officially under your command now.”

Calum snorted. “Thanks, mate.”

“Yeah, it would be easier for her like that anyway, with her siblings being technically the part of your pack,” Ashton shrugged, watching the valley. “And our packs are becoming one strange big pack with two alphas more and more with each year anyway. Not a lot of difference, who’s in command of one pure blood.”

“I’ve never asked you how you feel about that,” Calum said deep in his thoughts. “I just showed up here one day and decided to settle.”

“Well, I've kicked your ass for that already, so no need to feel guilty, wolf boy,” Ashton joked remembering the first meeting with Calum. 

“Yeah, but seriously?”

“Seriously," he paused, searching for better words, "I feel much better knowing that if anything ever happens to me, there’s a wolf I trust to take care of my pack,” Ashton’s hand landed on Calum’s shoulder. “So, please, don’t fuck everything up at least in memory of your friend,” he then added barely holding back his laughter.

“I’ll do my best,” Calum promised.

Silence fell upon them again, two wolves were watching their home from above. 

“Do you think it all goes fine on Saturday?” Calum asked not trying to hide his worry.

Ashton smiled with a huff. “After what your woman did the other week, we with you, my friend, can easily retire and live happily ever after. Cause no asshole in the area of couple hundred miles will ever risk to bother us again.”

Calum proudly smirked. “I’ll drink to that!”

They clinked the bottles again and kept watching the valley, both of their packs were calling home. Hoping this fact would never change. 

***

“Are you sure about staying at your place?” 

You smiled to the darkness of a parking lot and answered into your phone, “Of course I’m sure, Calum. I kinda still live there.”

“Well, I can come if you want,” Calum offered. He was surprised by your wish to spend the night separately as you hadn't said anything on the matter in the morning. He felt you weren’t telling everything, but knew not how to ask.

“I don’t know when I’ll be home. Still have some business to take care of,” you said. That was exactly the reason you hadn't spoken about evening plans in the morning. It was much easier to lie to him on the phone than to his face.

“Should I be worried?” Calum asked with a huff.

“What? Of course, no, just some company stuff, Cal,” you looked up the street, seeing Matt already waiting for you with two cups of coffee. “Listen, just get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” 

“Sure,” Calum agreed. “I’ll pick you up at noon.” 

You said your goodbyes and you shoved your phone in the jeans back pocket.

“Big cappuccino with foam and no sugar for you,” Matt said handing you a cup. “Just as you like.”

He smiled widely and you felt shivers creep up your spine.

“Thanks,” you said, taking a cup.

“What?” he frowned at the lack of enthusiasm. “Don’t say you stopped drinking coffee!”

“Not entirely, just switched to black and one cup a day,” you shrugged.

“Damn! You really did change,” Matt tried to joke.

“You don’t say,” you muttered and looked around the street, you back itchy from all the looks you imagined were aimed at you. But no one was looking. Everybody was rushing around busy with their own stuff and you saw no wolves anywhere. 

“I thought we could just walk around,” Matt suggested, touching your elbow. “You could show me the town.”

“Been here for two weeks and still hasn’t seen it?” you frowned, thinking how many wolves you would actually meet if you agreed on walking. 

The bang of a door on your left drew your attention. You turned that way and saw Andy leaving the coffee shop and eyeing you suspiciously. He picked up his phone almost immediately. You felt anger rise up inside. You weren’t doing anything wrong, or even objectionable, just meeting your childhood friend for coffee. You looked down on your Converse and pointed to the right. “There’s a nice park that way. Can walk there.”

Matt smiled and followed your lead. 

“So, how did you end up here?” he asked you as you two entered the park lanes.

“Got transferred at work,” you explained shortly. “Is that what you wanted to discuss? My work? Or why have I chosen this place?” you asked not really caring for your tone.

Matt huffed, you felt his displeased sight on you. 

“I actually thought you’d be happy to see me, to be honest.”

You had to use all your self-control not to laugh at this. “Matt, seriously, you come find me after I've spent 10 years running away and hiding, bring up my long buried and forgotten past and keep following me, persuading there’s something of great importance I should know. And when I finally agree to listen to you, you choose to waste time on a meaningless chit-chat. Well, my bad I’m not excited. Sorry about that.”

Matt nodded to his cup. You knew you were being a bitch, but couldn’t help it. You suddenly realised, how weak you kept feeling this last week. Was it connected to Calum stepping in into your life, or was the sudden return of Matt to your life the reason, but you suddenly felt almost as weak as the night before you ascended. You’d been in control of your life for so long, that losing it for even several days was making you nauseous. You wanted it to stop, wanted to be the one making decisions again. And getting rid of Matt was the first step towards it.

“I told you everything has changed back home since you left,” Matt said with a sigh, giving in and turning to what he really came for. “You father is still an alpha technically, but he doesn’t take almost any part in ruling the pack.”

You felt your shoulder twitch instinctively at the mentioning of your dad. You saw him in front of you, tall, severe brown eyes looking at you, waiting for you to become better, stronger, more cruel and stern. The alpha he wanted to see in you, the monster he was trying to create from you. You came to the point in your life, where you could spend years without remembering that you had a father at all. But now, seeing him in your memory you were overwhelmed with how much feelings you still had for him.

“Your brother took the power,” Matt kept talking, not really noticing your distress. “We always knew he was a damn bastard, and, trust me when I say, he lived up to all the expectations.”

You lifted up a cup and sipped on your coffee to hide your confusion. 

“He changed the hierarchy in the pack. We basically don’t have an elderly council. He makes all decisions without asking for their advice, he has his own council, made up of his closest pure bloods and ass-kissers.”

“You were a pack’s pure blood too,” you mentioned, deep in your thoughts.

Matt sighed, looking at you again. “Your brother knew I was loyal to you, he never let me close to himself,” he thought a little and added, “And was perfectly right, I wouldn’t miss on a chance to rip his heart out for what he’s done to you.”

You two were exactly between two lamps and you used the lack of light to roll your eyes. Matt had always been too much of a boaster and you weren’t so happy to see that hadn’t changed with time. 

“You have no idea what happened that night,” you reminded him. “What were you going to pay him back for?”

“I’ve seen scars on your back.”

“So what?” you smiled, feeling somehow calming down. Matt still was the same hot headed boy you remembered. “I could get them anywhere.”

“He was the reason you left,” he said stubbornly.

“Maybe yes, maybe no,” you replied and looked around in search for a trash can, but your gesture was understood differently.

“We aren’t followed,” Matt said, his tone angrier.

“What?” you looked back at him, not even getting what he was about at first. 

“You’re afraid his wolves are following us, aren’t you?” Matt explained, a strange grimace on his face. Like he was disappointed in you.

“Was looking where to put that, actually,” you explained, lifting up an empty cup, your irritation raising up again. Why were you even bothering with making excuses? “And yeah, I’m fully aware his wolves aren’t following us, cause there’s no reason for him to send anybody following me.”

Matt huffed, stopping next to you.

“I’m sorry, okay?” he muttered. “It’s just-”

“It’s just what?”

“I don’t know, okay? I guess, it’s not what I was expecting to see, when I finally found you.”

You looked at him, deep frown between your eyebrows. “Not what you were expecting to see?”

“Yeah, I mean, I knew you ran away for a reason, but I definitely didn’t expect to find you peacefully settled by some pretty faced alpha! This is not you!”

You looked away. Was that what he thought about you? That you settled down? Found the easier way to live a quiet life not bothering yourself with anything, decided to become what was the closest to a trophy wife in the wolves’ world?

“This is not you, little alpha,” Matt said, his voice quiet and sad. “This life is not for you. Don’t you miss the Lakes? Don’t you miss what you once were? It should be you leading the pack now, not your wanker of a brother.”

You shook your head. “It doesn’t matter, Matt. I can’t go back to the Lakes. And I’ll never be able to lead the pack. Whatever way I chose to live my life, you’re in no place to judge me. You weren’t there that night, when I left, you know nothing.”

“I know more than enough,” he said, stepping closer. Suddenly you felt with all the clearance that you two were completely alone in the park late in the evening and he was standing a little too close for your liking. “I know that people are still waiting for your return. They believe you’ll come and save the pack.”

“They don’t need to be saved,” you shook your head again.

“Don’t tell  me you don’t know what a disaster your brother is. What do you want me to tell you? How his pure bloods rape omegas of the pack, calling it showing them their place? How they set up fights for fun, almost tournaments for your brother’s amusement? Hell, they even started to steal girls your brother chooses from the neighbourhood, not only wolves, human girls too. People wanna leave the pack, but they’re scared your brother will catch them and kill. He did with one family already.”

You closed your eyes. You had no trouble believing your brother was capable of all those things, but you didn’t want to hear of them. 

“I’m an omega, Matt,” you said, not daring to meet his eyes. “You’re looking for a pack leader in the wrong place.”

He grabbed your forearm and pulled you closer, you felt his hot breath on your face. “You’re kidding, right? You’re an alpha’s daughter. You were raised for this position. You spent your whole life in front of these people, they’ll go after you in a heartbeat, no questions asked.”

“And what is it for you in that?” you asked, finally looking up at him. “You’re a pure blood, Matt, go and challenge my brother, you’ll become the rightful alpha, problem solved. Why going in all the trouble and looking for the long lost omega?”

“Don’t you know that?” Matt asked, the look in his eyes was so difficult to understand. “You left not only the pack or your family that night, little alpha. You left me too.”

You saw it coming, would lie, if you said what happened next surprised you at all. And still you let it happen, let him kiss you and let yourself answer him too. Matt wasn’t just the ghost from the past, he was also everything you remembered your home to be. He smelled of the Lakes and your childhood adventures. You felt a little scar on his upper lip with your tongue, you knew that scar so well, you still remembered leaving it. You knew the strength of his arms, surprisingly could remember it from your first heat. He was the home you’d never thought you could return to and you couldn’t help it, you dwelled into his touch, into his kiss. You’d longed for this feeling for ten long years, how could you possibly resist.

You dropped your cup. That’s how the moment ended. You dropped your cup, the knock it produced more like a thunder to your ears. You stepped away from him, breaking the kiss. You looked in his face, a little blurry under the yellow light. 

You shook your head. 

“Don’t go,” Matt asked. “You know I’ve loved you since we were kids, you’ve always known it.”

“I have,” you easily agreed. You’ve really known, probably since that night you both were twelve and he took you to peek at that human couple on the lake. But you also knew one more thing pretty clear. “But you haven’t seen me for ten years, Matt. And you said it yourself, I have changed. I’m sorry about what’s happening to the pack, but it’s not my problem anymore. I’m not coming back. I’m sorry.”

He just stood there, looking at you with all the hope he had inside of him.

“Please, go, Matt. Don’t search for me. There’s nothing for you here.”

You turned around and walked away. You felt him with your back, could hear him still standing on that spot you left him at. But for some reason you didn’t feel anything about it. 

You left the park and turned to your place, but suddenly felt that was the last place you’d wanna go. Four walls of your bedroom seemed more like a cell now. You were afraid you’d suffocate there. You crossed the road hasty and turned to living area, which stood at the border of the woods. You felt you needed space, the solitude only the forest could give your. And the moment you stepped into the shadows of the trees,you felt it all falling on your shoulders. You thought of turning into a wolf, but dismissed the idea instantly. You were too emotional, had too much of a mess inside your head, the risk you won’t be able to turn back too scary. So you just took a deep breath and set to run. 

You had no idea why you were running or what away from. You just felt you needed to run, to feel the wind in your hair and the grass under your feet. Like these were the last things on this earth you could possibly ever feel. You were running as fast as you could, your human muscles soon aching from the exercise, your lungs aching for the break. But you couldn’t stop, you just couldn’t. So you ran. For minutes and hours and days and weeks. Or at least for what felt like it. Until you fell.

You didn’t know what it was, a branch or an untied shoelace. You just tripped over and you fell. The ground was soft though, covered in ferns, warm from the day. It smelled of all the forest smells you’d known since you were little. And this moment you broke down. All that you were bottling up inside rushed to the surface and you had nor the strength, neither the wish to hide it anymore. So you just lay there and cried. 

You felt it all being so right, with it happening while you were alone in the woods. A lonely wolf, with no home and no pack. That’s how you were living your life. And you were so tired of it. Matt only reminding of all you’d lost happened to be enough for it to break you. He wasn’t wrong, you missed your home. You missed it like crazy. You missed the Lakes and the pack, the council always looking out of your, the life order being so natural and familiar. You missed it more than you were ready to admit. You were so tired of being alone, being no one’s wolf. You hated it, the feeling of not belonging, of not being a part of something bigger and more important than you. And there was nothing you could do about it. Your home was lost forever and a monster like you had no hope of finding the way back again. 

You felt his scent before you could see him, his black fur making him indiscernible in the dark woods. He came up to you slowly and lay down, his snout right in front of your face. He whined quietly, his dark eyes twinkling with sadness. His scabrous tongue licked your cheek, making you wince a little. You dipped your hand into the fur on his scruff and held while keeping crying. 

You felt a warm wave covering you, making you feel little less alone, reminding you that he was here for a reason. He didn’t try to say or ask anything, just lay there with you, occasionally licking on your face and letting off a whine. You looked in his dark eyes and kept thinking how he was ready to give you everything you longed to have, home, pack, your place in the world. And how he was willing to give you even more than that. Could you take it? Did you deserve any of it? Did you deserve him? You knew, you didn’t. But you still couldn’t let go of his fur, you couldn’t let go of him. So the two of you kept lying there, till you had no tears left.

And when they finished, you closed your eyes and gathered what strength you had left. You stood up, Calum following you suit, kissed his snout right between his eyes and whispered, “Let’s go home, yeah?”

***

Duke was eyeing you from his place near his bowl. He bent his head to the left a little and looked like he couldn't quite comprehend the heck you were doing in his master’s kitchen. 

“I wish I knew,” you answered to the little dog under your breath and switched your attention to your coffee cup. 

It was barely eight in the morning and you were alone in Calum’s kitchen. He left at the crack of dawn god knows where and still hadn’t returned. You stared at you coffee cup once again, figuring out if you wanted any food or not. Duke huffed behind you, yawned and left to the living room. You took it he decided he couldn’t do anything about you being here, so he let you be. For now. 

You smiled and looked around the spacious kitchen, all covered in chrome and stone, trying to imagine yourself cooking breakfasts and dinners here, dark haired pups running around this kitchen island. Could it all be? Could you have it one day? Could you really call this mostly empty house a home?

A garden door slid open, letting inside chilly morning air and dressed only in his pants Calum. You came up from your thoughts and looked at him, question in your eyes. 

“Morning,” Calum smiled to you and headed to the fridge.

“Been running?” you asked, noticing the layer of sweat on his skin.

Calum switched the stove on and looked back at you. “No, we had an early training with the guard.”

You looked back through the glass wall behind you at the backyard and the woods.

“Is that why you’ve bought this house?” you asked, a sudden idea popping up in your mind. “To have an access to the woods?”

Calum nodded, taking food out of the fridge and humming something under his breath. 

“I owe the woods too,” he said, closing the fridge and turning to the stove. You felt your mouth open at these words in shock. “The pack needs it and I don’t wanna some idiot to start building another block of flats or a mall here,” Calum explained.

“You’ve been training a lot this week,” you noted a little later, watching him preparing ingredients for an omelette. 

“You want some?” Calum asked, pointing at bacon. You shook your head. You felt sick just from looking at food. “The last attack just made me think,” he said, answering your earlier question. “I used to believe our fighting strategy was pretty good. But here comes couple assholes with darts and sedatives and my best pure bloods and me myself are out of the fight in a minute.” He stroke his chin. “I was trying to change something, make us more invincible for guns.”

“And how’s it going?”

Alpha let a humorless laugh, put his breakfast on a plate and settled at the kitchen island opposite you. “Not really good, to be honest.”

“Dude, you just need to break the lines,” you smiled at him.

“What do you mean?” Calum frowned with mouth full of bacon and eggs. 

Your smile grew wider at how goofily adorable he looked at that moment. You sighed and put your cup down. “When you fire a gun, the most important thing is aiming. The less predictable your trajectory is, the harder it is to aim at you. You need to teach your wolves to attack not in straight lines, but in crankles, so whoever tries to attack you wouldn’t be able to predict where you’d be next.”

Calum gaped at you. “Sounds brilliantly easy,” he concluded.

“Yeah, well, it’s not. The main problem is that during the fight it’s easy to forget about it, so you better work out the attack lines for the whole guard and train them till your muscle memory kicks in. It’s hell of a work, but it’s really worth it.”

“How do you know all of it?” Calum asked with a snort.

You huffed and looked away. “That’s how I was trained,” you admitted. 

Calum nodded and looked back at the clock on the stove. “Let’s go, you’ll show me,” he said, standing up.

“Show you what?” you asked, taken by surprise and not fully getting what he wanted from you.

“These crankle lines. Come on, we still have enough time before the wedding.”

His voice was deep and smooth, you could feel he wanted something different from you and his ask was aimed differently.

“We can’t do it now, Calum,” you shook your head, uneasy feeling settle in your guts.

“Sure we can, will only take fifteen minutes,” he kept persuading you. “Will shift fast and won’t go too far into the woods.”

And there you get it. “I don’t want to,” you let through your greeted teeth, trying to suppress your anger. 

“Don’t wanna show me, don’t wanna show me now or don’t wanna shift?” Calum asked, showing what he was really curious about. 

“It’s not about shifting.”

“When what is it about?” 

Calum’s breakfast was long forgotten, his eyes glued to your face, trying to catch every shadow of emotions you could possibly have. 

“I found you in the middle of the woods, crying in your human shape,” Calum reminded you. “What was it about?”

You snorted, “Definitely not about shifting.”

At least that was not a lie. You did have a lot you weren’t ready to share with Calum about last night, but fear of shifting wasn’t on the list. 

“Then what?”

You huffed, put down your cup, stood up from your place and headed upstairs.

“Don’t go away from me!”

“I will do whatever the fuck I choose,” you threw over your shoulder, knowing he followed you.

“How about choosing to talk to your alpha, then?” irritation clear in Calum’s voice. 

“You’re not my alpha yet, Calum,” you said as you entered the bedroom and stepped to the armchair, where your clothes were put in a neat pile. You knew your anger was mostly unreasonable. It wasn’t Calum’s fault he was worried about you. And it definitely wasn’t his fault you couldn’t tell him all of your fears. But you couldn’t help your reactions. You were so tired of feeling weak, you had to protect at least this part of your soul.

Calum leaned on the bedroom door, sighed and watched you putting on your jeans. 

“Listen,” he started, taming his own emotions and trying to speak in a calm way, “I’m just concerned about what’s going on with my mate, you can’t blame me for that. I mean, I find you in the forest in such despair, it made my wolf instincts kick in. I wanna know what’s going on with you so I can help you.”

“There’s nothing to help with,” you dropped, taking his shirt off and fixing on your bra. “Just women’s hormones. You know, pms, all that stuff.”

“So you’re saying you’re gonna have breakdowns like that every month?”

“Pretty much. So you better think one more time if you really need such a hysterical mate.”

You picked up your Converses and tried to sneak past him out of the bedroom. Like you had any chance of actually doing it. He just pulled you by the waist and embraced you. 

“Don’t wanna think about that,” he breathed in your hair. 

You huffed, but didn’t answer anything. Just lifted your free hand and let your fingers dive in his curls. 

“You know, what I also don’t wanna do?” Calum asked and after you hummed, signalling you're ready to listen, continued, “Fight with you.” 

“Don’t fight with me then.”

You stood like that for some time, just holding each other, when Calum started moving you back into the bedroom. “Cal, no,” you tried to stop him, smiling. Your shoes fell on the floor with a thud.

“Yes,” he whispered stubbornly. 

“We have no time.”

“We have plenty of time.” 

You felt your legs crash into the bed and the next moment you were lying under Calum, him starting to kiss you neck. You giggled, his light kisses tickling the sensitive skin. “Cal, stop, we can’t,” you breathed out.

“Yes, we can.” He tugged on the neckline of your shirt, burying his face on your chest, his hands working on your jeans buttons.

“The wedding is…”

“...in four hours. We have time.”

You laughed shortly and took his face in your hands, making Calum look up at you. “You have time, mister. Because you need to just what, put on a suit and you’re instantly a hot irresistible alpha. When I actually need time to get ready.”

Calum sighed, his smile as soft as ever, and put a hair strand away from your face.

“You’re always hot and irresistible,” he whispered. And bent down to your lips. 

“The answer is still no,” you said when he broke the kiss some time later. Calum pouted and dropped his head on your chest again in a defeated gesture. 

“You’re mean,” he mumbled, making you giggle. “And I need to somehow hold through the wedding after that?”

“Yeah, you’ll have to control yourself, cause I promised Gabbie we won’t have sex at her wedding,” you laughed, remembering the talk you had with her and Lara when shopping.

“You did what?” Calum gaped at you and shook his head in disbelief. “I hope the dress is ugly, at least?”

“The ugliest I could find.”

“Liar,” Calum smiled and went on kissing you again. 

“Will you drive me home?” you asked in the pause between kisses. Suddenly your question made Calum huff, his face getting more serious.

“Actually, you don’t mind if Andy drives you?” he asked. “If you’re going, then I’ll need to work a little. Still have to finish some stuff before I go tomorrow.”

You frowned. “Go?”

“Yeah, I didn’t tell you?” you shook your head, looking at him in confusion. Quarter of an hour before you wanted to free yourself from his presence for as long as possible, suffocating from his questions and care, wishing again for the freedom you had before you met him. But this news made your insides freeze. “We’ve been having negotiations about buying couple of shops in a town nearby. Need to close the deal, but for that I need to go there.”

“For long?” you hated how upset your voice sounded, but couldn’t help it. 

“Four or five days. Will be back by the weekend,” he promised. You nodded, playing with the chain on his neck and not looking him in the eye. You wanted to ask him to stay, wonder why Ashton couldn’t go instead as it was both their business, but kept successfully biting your tongue. Whatever you might have felt to Calum, you weren’t ready to become that woman. 

He pressed his nose to your cheek. “Gonna miss me?”

“Nope,” you smiled viciously. “Gonna actually enjoy the opportunity to sleep at night.” 

Calum laughed loudly at your sass and bent down to kiss you one last time before letting you go. These last kisses, long and tamed and steady, were the only kisses you hated. But that you wouldn’t tell him either. Whatever you might feel to Calum, you weren't ready to let him that close to you. At least not yet.

***

You looked above the improvised venue almost in the middle of a forest. You knew from Calum that there were tents ready in case of rain, but the sky had been clear all day and now, in the golden rays of setting sun and lights hanging over the venue the whole place illuminated with warmth and happiness. 

Gabbie’s ivory dress looked so good in surrounding warm colours of nature, and her bridesmaids only made the picture more fresh with their light blue gowns. You understood why Lara fell in love with your dress so instantly in the shop the moment you with Calum drove up to the venue. Its deep emerald colour made you look so in harmony with the surrounding, only emphasizing your deep connection to the nature. Which, probably, also added to Calum’s discomfort, as he sighed each time his eyes settled on you.

But his eyes weren’t the only ones to settle on you. Through all the ceremony you felt people watching you intently, which made you wonder if at least half as many people were looking at the bride. You kept questioning if coming to the pack for the first time was logical at such an event. But you’d already came, so those questions had close to no meaning now. As time passed, people showed less and less interest in you, most of them now looking at you with content and, dare you say, appreciation. Most, but sure as hell not all. You’ve noticed several young she-wolves as you just came, their eyes hard as knives. You were ready for it. What you weren’t ready for was one specific girl. He blond wavy hair couldn’t soften the look of pure hatred on her face. And what is more, she looked at Calum like she had some rights for him, leaving you to wonder how much of Calum’s past you actually wanted to know about. You felt there was some bad blood there between them and weren't sure you wanted to get in the middle of it. 

You tried your hardest not to pay any attention to that girl, more often watching Gabbie and her now husband dancing, chatting to people eager to congratulate them and just being disgustingly in love with each other. You took a deep breath, all of the morning questions and doubts coming back to you. You tried to picture yourself and Calum on Gabbie and Peter’s place. You’d look odd in a white dress, you thought. White colour was the symbol of purity. And you with all the blood on your hands would be just a mock if wearing white. You instantly looked away and lightly shook your head, trying to suppress pictures of Ripper’s body in your mind. Even two weeks later he kept emerging in your head each time you let your self-control weaken at least for the moment. But now was definitely not the moment. Not in the middle of fantasizing about your own happily ever after.

“Whatcha thinking ‘bout there, love?” 

You looked on the left, where Calum approached you. A glass of champagne in his hand for you and a glass of water for him. You looked at his drink, quirking an eyebrow in silent question. 

“A man’s gotta do what he’s gotta do,” Calum shrugged.

“You think we have something to worry about?” you asked, noticing all the guard with same glasses of water and juice. 

Calum chuckled and shook his head, “Definitely not in the near future. You see, there’s that rumor going around about a crazy omega bitch protecting this town borders. Guess, will win us couple easy years.”

“I’m doing all the hard work and all I get is a crazy omega bitch title?” you pouted, sipping on your champagne.

“Rumors are mean.”

“Guess I should be happy it’s bitch and not slut, at least,” you concluded, making Calum laugh. 

You stood there for some time, just enjoying the moment, when Calum asked you again, “So, what were you thinking about before?”

You took a deep breath. “What do people think about at weddings?” 

“Having it all for themselves one day,” Calum answered instantly, not even taking a moment to think. You looked at him, startled by such a straightforward response. He wasn’t looking at you, his eyes following newly wed couple, soft smile lingering on his lips. Was he having similar thoughts as you? Was he wondering if you two were destined to have it all one day?

“Predictable, huh?” you tried to hide your confusion and distress in your glass. 

“I’d say natural,” Calum shrugged easily and turned to you. “So?”

“So what?” 

He waited till you finally looked at him, your attention drawn by his silence, and only then asked, “Do you see it happening in your life one day?”

You felt your heart clench with sadness and tenderness, seeing doubt and even fear in his eyes.

“What are you asking me about, Calum?” you shook your head. You didn’t want to play hints, not when the topic was that serious. 

He sighed, looked away again and then started speaking, his voice lower and somehow deeper. “I don’t wanna push you, but I do want it, love. You can’t blame a man for having certain ideas after he finds his mate. I want a family of my own, want a house which I could finally call a home. I want to have kids one day, too. Not tomorrow, of course, but one day,” he took a pause, sighing again. “And, naturally, I want it all with you.”

He met your startled look, seeing bewilderment on your face you couldn’t hide if you wished. 

“I’m not asking any questions now,” he tried to calm you, “just trying to be honest with you.”

You stepped closer to him, lifted on your tiptoes and kissed his cheek softly, caressing the other with your hand.  “I know,” you whispered, as his arm snaked around your waste. 

“This dress is the complete opposite of ugly, for your information,” Calum huffed a moment later. You felt his muscles stiffen under your touch. 

“I’m glad you like it,” you smiled, not opening your eyes.

“Just admit it, you enjoy my suffering.” His lips touched your palm. 

You kept silent, smiling subtly to his tender gesture. You rested your forehead at his chin and closed your eyes, bathing in the serenity of the moment. 

Which sadly lasted for about three seconds and a half, with a light voice sounding right next to you, “Okay, lovebirds, you’ve officially crossed the line.” 

You detached from Calum and saw Lara standing with her arms crossed, looking at the two of you mockingly. You peeked back at Calum, who was obviously amused by Lara’s emerging.

“Which line?” he asked.

“Of allowed amount of physical contact,” she informed him and pulled on your arm.

“And who, pray, set the allowed amount of physical contact?” Calum kept interrogating, hardly keeping himself from laughing out loud. 

“I did,” Lara answered, not embarrassed a bit. “You see, certain promises were made, and I’m here to guarantee a compliance of them,” she added with a snort. “Call me a moral police.”

Calum chuckled as he watched his best friend’s pure blood taking his mate from him. 

“Gotta say, with how headstrong they both are, they’ll make a terrific duo.”

Calum looked back to see Ashton standing near and looking in the same direction. 

“And Gabbie’s gonna third wheel them all the time and try to stop from all the reckless ideas they’re gonna have,” he added with another chuckle.

“Falling for those ideas in the end and being even more reckless to both their surprise.”

Two alpha laughed to the image and clinked their glasses.

“Happy to see you two together,” Ashton said. “Who knew it would take you bleed almost to death for her to fall for you.”

“I didn’t bleed to death,” Calum frowned with a snort.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy,” Ash easily agreed as they both watched Lara introducing you to Luke and Mike. 

“Can you do me a favour?” Calum asked, suddenly serious as ever. He couldn’t get his eyes off of you, knowing well Ashton got what kind of favour he was asked about. Not like Ash had to be asked about that at all. 

Older alpha just nodded and patted his friend's shoulder. It had been years since they needed some words to be spoken out loud.

***

It seemed like the darkness swallowed you two. You were sitting in Calum’s car, going down the unlit road through the forest. Dim glow of the dashboard the only source of light. You both were keeping silence, each deep in their own thoughts. 

You kept replaying everything what happened at the wedding. You felt your brain being in the overdrive but couldn’t stop. Good memories, like meeting Lara’s boyfriend, an amiable shy giant with golden curls and eyes as blue as an ocean, or talk with Gabbie full of warm hugs and tender words. And not so good memories, like stingy looks and confused feelings. Your racing mind stopped for a moment on the image of that omega, who kept looking at you all evening long. Emily, that was her name according to Lara. And her name wasn’t the only thing you found out from Ashton’s pure blood. You threw a careful look at Calum, who was driving. You still had no idea how you felt about him having an ex in his pack and didn’t know if it was worth asking him about her. 

Looking at him, even for a moment, pushed your thoughts back to his confessions. You inhaled deeply, same questions rushing through your mind again and again. Could you? Could he?

A rushed thought burnt you suddenly. At least he was honest with you. 

You turned to him. He looked rather relaxed, right hand on the steering wheel, left stroking his chin. He was doing it often when thinking.

“I lied,” you broke the silence.

Calum glanced at you, frowning at your words, but not saying anything. 

“Yesterday,” you kept explaining, not sure if he got what you were talking about. “When I said I had some company business. It wasn’t a company business.”

“I know,” Calum admitted, not looking away from the road anymore.

“I met with another wolf,” you continued, wondering if you were making it better or worse, but unable to stop now. 

“That I also know,” Calum confirmed and you remembered Andy picking up his phone when he saw you last night.

“His name is Matt, he was a pure blood in my father’s pack. I’ve known him since I can remember myself.”

Calum nodded, “And that I figured out, too.”

You huffed. His reaction, or even the lack of any, confused you more than anything else.

“He kissed me,” you blurted out before you could stop yourself.

Calum nodded again.

“Don’t tell me you somehow knew that too,” you rolled your eyes, getting annoyed with his calmness.

“I felt his scent when I found you in the woods. Didn’t know about the kissing, but knew for sure he held you close enough for some time,” Calum explained, his voice as quiet and flat as ever.

You looked back into the darkness behind your window. The mix of emotions you felt was pretty indescribable, not even mentioning confusion. You turned back to alpha, noticing that his hold on the steering wheel got tighter. Was that really all the reaction you were to get?

“If you knew all of that, weren’t you furious?”

“Of course, I was! Still am, if you’re interested,” Calum huffed, finally showing at least some emotions you knew were boiling inside him. It just hit you, how much all of the emotions you felt were his, and not yours.

“Then why didn’t you go all thermonuclear on me?” 

Calum let a humourless laugh and shook his head. “Well, appreciate my self-control.” 

And at that moment you finally succeeded in dividing emotions inside on yours and Calum’s. You felt his anger and his resentment, his jealousy, sadness and all the passion he had been bottling up. A tender smile lit up your face at the realization of how much he was keeping back in a mere attempt not to scare you off, not to push too hard for your liking. Even if there were all the reasons for you to be pushed.

“Pull over,” you said, unbuckling your seatbelt.

“What? No!” Calum scrunched his face, not getting what you had in mind now.

“Pull over, Calum, now!”

“See that line on the right of you? It actually means it’s prohibited to pull over here,” he scoffed.

“And who’s gonna see? We’re literally in the middle of nowhere. Pull the damn car over!”

Calum huffed, but did as you told, his irritation raising up with every other minute. 

“What now?” he snapped, turning to you as the car fully stopped. 

But you had no time for his irritation, already standing on your knees on the seat and crashing his lips with yours. Calum froze for the moment, taken aback by your passion, but soon enough you felt his hands tangle in your hair, pulling you even closer. You wasted no time and unzipped his pants, your cold hand on his dick making him gasp. You used his momentary hesitation to slip lower.

“What are you doing?” Calum whispered, breathing harder, as you freed his dick completely.

“Appreciating,” you smiled, glancing at him one last time before going on with your plan.

“Hey, you don’t- Oh, shit,” Calum sucked in the air, his hand instinctively lay on your head, as you sucked his dick inside your mouth. 

You let your tongue dance a little around the head, holding his dick at the base, as it wasn’t fully up yet. You stroke your flat tongue all the way up from the base, feeling him getting harder and harder, and clasp your lips around the head again, sucking on full. 

“Yeah, baby, just like that,” you heard him whispering. 

Calum got your hair together and pulled a little, setting a pace. You hummed to his help, the vibration in your mouth making him groan. You kept bopping your head, going with your hand on the part that didn’t fit inside your mouth. You heard his breath halt, his hand holding tighter on your hair. You let his dick out of your mouth to take as much air as you could and took him back in, going as deep as possible. And then you let your throat spasm around his head. You felt his body bending down over you, his hands squeezing your head, as he moaned your name breathlessly. You waited till your lungs started burning with the need of air and lifted your head up. You breathed in and repeated. 

“Fucking God, fuck!” you heard. You lifted your head, your tongue following all the way up, and threw a glance at him. His lips were slightly open, while eyes were, on the contrary, shut tightly.

“Are you gonna kill me?” Calum ushered. 

You chuckled, “No, only make you cum.”

You let your hand slip lower on his balls and squeezed them carefully, eliciting another broken breath from Calum. You kissed the tip of his head and let your tongue play with his meatus, before taking him in your mouth again. 

You felt Calum was close, his hands shaking a little and his breath getting heavier. You tried to bop your head faster and let go of his balls, clutching on the base of the dick again. You felt pulling pain in your cheeks, but kept sucking as you felt he was really close. It wasn’t long till he cum in your mouth, gripping on your hair and groaning low. 

You sat back and took a tissue from the glovebox, giving him a moment to collect himself. 

“You are,” Calum started, his breath still heavy, “a devil.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that before,” you smiled, wiping your spit and his cum from your face. 

“Get in the back,” he ordered. You looked at him, his eyes are still closed and his chest moving fast. You looked lower and to your surprise saw his dick still up. 

“Oh, wow, I actually thought, you’d hold till we get home,” you chuckled.

Calum opened his eyes, bright yellow now, and turned to you. “Get in the back now,” he repeated, stressing each word. 

You obeyed with a laugh, the sound of his seatbelt being unbuckled following you. 

“And if you hope to wear that dress ever again, better take it off yourself.” 

***

You tried to hide your smile in the pillow, when you felt Duke crawling closer to you in the bed. You hadn’t noticed any changes in the little dog’s attitude to you, and that sudden wish to get closer caught you by surprise. 

You two were wallowing in bed, watching Calum packing his suitcase. He was in the bathroom now and missed the scene between his pup and you. 

“I want you to remember that if anything happens, Andy is one call away,” Calum informed you, coming out from the bathroom.

You huffed. “Sure, I’ll call him if I need some yoghurt.”

“I’m serious,” Calum quirked an eyebrow, looking at you. “Where’s Duke?” he asked right away, not seeing the dog on the covers anymore. 

“Hiding his wet nose between my boobs, actually,” you giggled more from the tickling feeling, than from the surprised look on the alpha’s face. 

“Tell him, it’s my place,” he smirked.

“Tell him yourself.”

Calum let out a short laugh, grabbed covers and pulled, making you squeal from the cool air.

Duke turned to his owner immediately.

“That’s my woman,” Calum said, looking Duke straight in the eyes, “You need to find another one.”

Duke growled and turned back to your boobs, closing eyes and obviously enjoying the comfort. 

“Unbelievable,” Calum laughed, throwing covers back to you. “My own dog is trying to steal my girl.”

“Well, can’t blame him for that, can you? With you leaving me all alone for a week,” you muttered.

Calum sighed, straightened up and looked at you. “Andy is one call away.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that,” you said, mirroring his expression.

“There’s one more thing,” Calum said. He moved his suitcase and sat on the bed. “Gabbie wants to be your pure blood.”

You frowned. You were pretty sure you knew all the words Calum pronounced, but the meaning of them somehow escaped you. 

“I don’t get it, Cal,” you admitted couple moments later. “How can she be my pure blood? She’s Ashton’s and I’m not an alpha.” 

“No, she wants to be your guard,” Calum explained with a smile, but you could see deep in his eyes he was as confused as you were. 

“I need a guard?”

“It’s a tradition,” the smile left alpha’s face, as he finally proceeded that you had no idea what he was talking about. “When alpha meets his mate, his strongest female pure blood becomes the personal guard for her. It’s a common thing.”

You shrugged, trying not to overthink it. “I don’t remember my mom, Cal. I had no chance to learn things like that,” you explained. “Still, Gabbie isn’t your pure blood anymore.”

“Gabby was my only female pure blood. And even though she’s a part of Ashton’s pack now, she asked him for permission to become your guard. As long as Ashton has Lara, he agreed.”

“I don’t need a bodyguard, Calum. Especially as tiny as Gabbie. I can take care of myself.”

Calum sighed again. “I know that. And trust me, everyone knows that. But it’s a tradition. And we’re following our traditions. You’ll offend her if you refuse.”

You lay back on the pillow and huffed. “I don’t wanna offend her, it’s just…” you had no idea how to put into words everything that was confusing you. Calum just sat there, looking at you and giving you time to form all your objections. But truth was you weren't sure you could form them even for yourself. 

You hid your face in your hands and groaned loudly. “Fine! She can be my personal guard.”

Calum was still looking at you, you could feel it even with your eyes closed. You put your hands away and looked back at him.

“I wanted to ask,” you started. You were thinking about it since you learned about his trip, but couldn’t find it in yourself to ask him.

“What?”

“Can I stay here? While you're away, I mean. I know it’s gonna sound stupid,” you went on, looking away from him, “but I just feel better with your smell around.”

Calum picked up your chin and made you look back at him. “You don’t need to ask that,” he said, shaking his head. 

“Yeah, no, I do,” you argued stubbornly.

“Yeah, no, you don’t,” Calum smiled and hovered over you, pushing Duke away carefully. His lips started to cover you face in little tickling kisses.

“What are you doing?” you giggled and tried to pull away from him. 

“Making sure, you’ve got enough of my smell around.”

***

Your phone started ringing. Again. 

You didn’t make an attempt to answer, didn’t even look its way. You knew for sure who was calling and had no wish to find out what for.

First messages from Matt came on Saturday morning. You read his apologies for the kiss and his pleadings for another meeting and left them without answer. You just didn’t know what more could you say. And, frankly, your mind was already too preoccupied to think about him. When lack of response from you didn’t stop Matt from texting more, you just switched your phone off and happily forgot about him. But with the beginning of the working week you had to come out of you improvised deafness. And you didn’t like the result. Now it was not only texting, Matt started calling you, practically non-stop. You haven’t answered once. You didn’t know if you should, but you were positive you didn’t want to.

Your phone stopped vibrating. You let out a breath, not aware till that moment that you were holding it and looked up from the report you were writing. 

You’d tried to put into words what you felt about Matt and all this situation all morning, but the only thing you actually realised, was anger. You were angry with him for showing up and, what was more important, showing up now. 

You huffed, thinking about last couple months. 

You had been running since your ascendance. You’d been running from your family, your past and most of the time yourself. And you’d never felt being followed. Until you thought you were ready to stop. Looking back at it all, you could even see the logic of it all happening now.

But fuck the logic, you thought, when your phone had started vibrating again. You were finally content. You found your mate. He was ready to give you home and pack. You had finally found a place for you. You were ready to finally let your past go and forget it all. Why couldn’t Matt understand it? Why should it be that way?

You remembered the way he grabbed your arm that night in the park. Cold shivers ran down your spine. You asked yourself for the thousandth time why wouldn’t Matt give up, why was he so persistent? And what he was ready to do to make you listen to him.

You waited till he stopped calling again and picked up your phone. Your call was answered on the second signal.

“Hey, Andy, it’s…” you started.

“I’ve got your number,” the omega stopped you. His voice was cold, but you heard no roughness in it. “Do you need anything?”

You coughed. “Yeah, I actually was wondering, of course if that’s not too much to ask, I mean, I get if you’re busy or something-”

You heard him laugh which surprisingly sounded relaxing, his low voice soothing your nerves. “Since when do you stutter?”

“Shut up, will you?” you snorted.

“You’re my alpha’s mate. Ask and you shall receive,” Andy stated simply.

“Could you pick me up from work?” 

You heard him hesitate for a moment. Whatever he had expected, you took it, you managed to surprise him.

“Sure,” he answered. “Did anything happen?”

“No, just tired and don’t feel like driving,” you answered what you believed was only half-lie, as you really felt more tired than usual. You tried not to go into depths of why you felt so weak this last couple days, explaining it all with the lack of sleep. Whatever you kept telling Calum, you still had Ripper sharing your dreams every night and it was just a question of time, when it start influencing your physical state. 

“Yeah, sure. Will wait for you,” Andy answered, still a little confused. “Anything else?” 

“No, that’s all. Thank you.”

You kept an awkward silence for couple more seconds and finished the call without any other word. 

You spent exactly four minutes and thirty eight seconds, wondering if Andy will call his alpha or not. Then your phone started vibrating yet again, the screen lit up with another name this time. 

“What’s wrong?” Calum asked not bothering with greetings.

You huffed, stood up from your place and headed for the fire escape, foreseeing this talk won’t be that short.

“Nothing is wrong,” you answered as you were sure, no one could hear you except Calum.

He wasn’t saying anything. You also waited.

“Is it because of that Matt guy?” he finally asked you. 

You almost laughed. How come he was reading you like an open book. You could also feel tension, which you knew, wasn’t yours. He was worried, you could feel it even being so far away from him. 

You opened your mouth to tell Calum to relax and them shut it again. It stuck you, that very moment. You could try to solve it all by yourself. God knows you were capable. But you didn’t have to anymore. The realization hit you like a trainwreck. You didn’t have to cope with everything on your own anymore. You had your mate. And you could share it all with him. And you weren’t even afraid of it.

“He just keeps calling and texting,” you started. “I’m not answering, though. And I don’t know, I’m probably overreacting, but-”

“What does he want from you anyway?” Calum interrupted you. You felt his irritation rise up, you could not only hear it in his voice. 

You inhaled, wondering where to start. “Basically, he wants me to come back to the Lakes.”

“What for?”

“Obviously, to save the pack,” you sighed again, leaning on the wall and closing your eyes. “He told some stories, you know, how my brother is the worst thing that ever happened to the pack and how everyone is waiting for me to come save them and some crap along the lines with me being an alpha’s daughter and therefore the rightful heir and how it’s my pack and my responsibility. You know, all that crap.”

“And?”

“And?” you repeated, confused.

“Do you want to come back there?” Calum asked you. 

His question made you freeze. You understood with all the worries and questions you were asking yourself, you’ve never thought about that one. Was it really that simple? Was it just up to what you wanted?

You tried to find an answer to Calum’s question. You knew he could misinterpret your silence, but he waited patiently on the line.

“I know it may sound crazy, but it’s-”

“Your home,” Calum finished for you. “Yeah. I get it.”

You tried to distinguish offence in his voice, or irritation. But he was calm, even satisfied with your answer. He just stated truth. And he did understand you.

“I do miss it, Calum,” you went on. “But I’ve suffered enough. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to come back there. But i’m sure as hell not ready for it now. I just want some peace.”

“Are you sure, Andy would be enough?” Calum asked you with a sigh. You felt his longing to be there for you, but were thankful for him staying where he was.

“More than enough,” you confirmed.

“I can have my guard just beat the shit out of that Matt.”

You smiled, “It i wanted him to be beaten, I could easily do it myself.”

“Oh, I know that. But why go in all that trouble, if you could just delegate it?”

“And what about the pleasure?”

You heard him snort. “Ah, but there are so many other ways to pleasure you, love,” he said, his voice significantly lower. 

“Oookay, mister,” you drawled with a smile. “Come back and we’ll discuss this in person. And for now, I have to work.”

“Okay,” you heard a soft smile in his voice. “I’ll facetime you in the evening, yeah?”

You came back to your workplace, your mind full of thoughts and doubts. How come you’d never actually realized how much you missed your home until Calum asked you that one question. You knew there had always been a part of you desperate to come back to the Lakes, but you were astonished with how big that part was. 

You heard the familiar buzzing again. You looked at your phone. Maybe you didn’t have to deal with all you legacy now, but with that thing you definitely had to. You picked up your phone and swiped to answer a call. 

***

Duke was looking at you with a question on his furry snout. You were looking back, not answering anything. You knew you had to get up, but you were positive you’d vomit if you moved. Duke bent his head to the left. He felt something was wrong with you, but couldn’t figure what. 

“Have no idea,” you answered his silent question. Duke growled.

“Are you expecting him to answer?” you heard low voice coming from the hall.

You turned your head that way. Andy was leaning on the wall, watching you with a smirk.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, frowning at how your words sounded rougher than your intended. 

“Thought you may use another ride,” Andy shrugged. “Truth to be told, you don’t look well.”

“Thank you,” you huffed and gathered all your will to stand up.

“Are you alright?” Andy asked and to your surprise he really sounded worried. 

“Have no idea,” you repeated. “Can you wait a little? I need fifteen minutes to get ready.”

“Sure,” Any agreed easily. “Will take Duke out, okay?”

You nodded, leaving the room. You went up to the bedroom and got into shower. 

You kept wondering what was wrong with you. Your hands were shaking and you felt so weak. You head was spinning from time to time. You knew it couldn’t be the effect of your dreams, but what else? 

Hot water really helped to make you feel better. Almost to the point of you believing you’d be alright. You let Andy take you to work and told him not to pick you up in the evening as you had plans. And even managed to go through the day. You hands kept shaking and your head was odd. You even checked the calendar in case you missed your periods coming and wondered if you could catch a cold. But neither of these reasons seemed to be right. You kept feeling hot and cold at the same time. At some point you had the ghost of recognition and you almost remembered when you’d felt like that already, but the feeling slipped away. You thought several times about cancelling the meeting, but kept stubbornly persuading yourself that the sooner you get over with it, the sooner you feel better.

So at half eight you were sitting in a restaurant looking at the person you’d known as long as you could remember yourself and asking if you were making yet another mistake.

“You look pale,” Matt noted.

You shrugged, hiding your eyes in the menu. “Haven’t been feeling well lately,” you admitted still.

You were looking at all the courses on the menu and felt sickness rising inside. You put the menu away and met with Matt’s puzzled expression. “I’ll drink some water, but I’m not hungry,” you explained.

“I thought, we could spend some time here,” Matt said, visibly displeased.

“Yeah, well, I actually agreed to have dinner with you just to clarify couple things, Matt,” you said. Your tone was tough, but you made no attempt to soften it. You came to that restaurant with a certain agenda and you weren’t here to be nice to him.

“You want me to come back to the Lakes,” you started, but he didn’t let you finish.

“I don’t want you to just come back to the Lakes. I want you to take control of the pack, to take your rightful place,” he reminded you with the same passion. 

You stroke your forehead, feeling your body temperature rising again.

“Do you even hear what you’re offering me, Matt?” you asked, trying to supress the annoyance. “I can’t just come back and claim the throne. I’m not even talking about the fact that I’m an omega and have no right to rule any pack. But the only way to claim the pack is to kill both my brother and my dad. I’m not doing it.” 

He didn’t hesitate for a moment with his reply. And that said it louder than any words. He planned it all. He played it in his head thousand times before and the picture he saw satisfied him to the full.

“I can do it for you,” he said. The content with which he agreed to the deaths of what was left from your family made you shiver. 

“And you’re right,” he continued, while you were wondering how far could he go with that, “as an omega you technically have no right to rule the pack. But I have. If I kill them, I’ll become a pack’s alpha and you’ll be my omega,” he was talking faster with every word, sharing the dream he obviously cherished the most. “With you by my side no one will doubt our position and our offspring will be the rightful heirs of the alpha line. We’ll save the pack, save your bloodline. We’ll keep the Lakes alive, what more could we wish for?”

“Lots of things, actually,” you muttered, not sure if he really believed in what he was saying.

“Come on, little alpha, don’t you see, it’s our chance to come home,” he smiled and you felt sick. “This is not a place for you. You belong to the Lakes. And you belong with me.”

You shook your head and let out a humourless laugh. “We’re not even mates, Matt, what are you talking about?”

He snorted scornfully. “Fuck mates! We can be an alpha couple of the biggest and strongest pack in the country. What are mates to this, really?”

Pictures flashed through your mind. Rushing in the night to Calum surrounded by the packs’ guards, feeling their support, sharing one goal. Wedding reception with over hundred of guests, all of them wolves, living like one big family, warmth and affinity of them. Laughing with Lara and Gabbie, feeling so light and free. Ashton and Calum smiling to some jokes they shared and no one else understood. The universal content you felt next to your alpha. 

You felt a lump in your throat. “Everything, Matt,” you breathed out, your voice hardly audible, but your will strong as ever. “You don’t know what kind of bound it is. If you did, you’d never offered me that.”

“And you know?” he asked with arrogance. 

You looked him in the eye. You didn’t answer anything, let him get it himself. You saw him change in the face, realisation crawling over him slowly.

“You don’t have a mating mark,” he whispered, still trying to fight the truth.

“I don’t have it yet,” you said and that moment felt how right those words were. “And for your information, the Lakes pack isn’t the biggest and strongest pack in the country. Not anymore,” you shook your head, but made yourself continue. You had to finish with it here and now, this was what you came for. “I’m not coming back to the Lakes, and I’m not going to agree with any part of your insane plan. I’ve found my place in the world and I’m gonna stay here. Go away, leave the town and never come back.”

With that you stood up and left the restaurant. Your knees were shaking and you weren’t sure you were strong enough to even get a cab, but you had never felt that right before. 

“I thought, I said you didn’t need to pick me up,” you smiled to Andy, who was waiting for you right outside the restaurant. 

He just shrugged, soft proud smile on his face. Did he hear your conversation? Did he know what was going on all this time? “Had some business nearby. Just a happy coincidence.”

The drive to Calum’s place was silent, though you caught Andy staring at you in the rearview mirror couple of times. He kept smiling and you thought, if the pack had any doubts about you, tonight was the end of them. Andy asked you several times if you’d be alright, offering to keep you company or call Lara or Gabbie, but after you promised you’ll be fine half a dozen times, he let you be. You looked as he drove away. The night was surprisingly chilly and you could hear Duke striding inside impatiently. You walked up the stairs, opened the door, closed it and leaned back on it. You took a deep breath. 

Calum’s scent burnt your throat. You started coughing, not getting what was going on with you. Your hands were shaking again. You closed your eyes. And momentarily he rose before your eyes, dark curls and familiar smirk. You could swear you felt his hands on your body. You opened your eyes to the still empty house. Little dog was looking at you confused with your state. You looked past him. Everything around was burning red. 

You went up to the bedroom, your legs moving hard. You thought you just needed to lay down, but as you came into the room, you understood your mistake. His scent was the strongest here. You felt a knot tying up in your stomach, your insides aching. The most seductive pictures began to appear in your memory. All the things you’d done here, all the things you were yet to do. 

The sound of a phone call made you dive from under this mirage. 

“What’s going on with you?”

Hearing his voice was confusing. You felt your disorientation draw back just from knowing he felt you and cared for you. But at the same time all the pictures in your head became stronger, fueled by his low tone.

“I think I’m in a heat,” you whispered what you’d understood after entering the house.

“Are you kidding me?” Calum snorted, but you heard no fun in it.

“You called me, cause you felt it. So tell me, am I kidding?”

“I know, I know,” Calum rushed, “just surprised. We haven’t been apart for that long, why would you go in a heat?”

You sighed. His question was valid. But answering it wouldn’t help you a bit. 

“Just stay in the house, I’m on my way,” he continued before you had a chance to say anything.

“On your way where? You can’t leave your business, can you?”

“I’ll explain to them, will come back when you get better,” he dropped like it was not a big deal.

You let yourself slide down the wall, pulled the knees up and accepted what you were about to say.

“And what if I don’t get better?”

“What?” 

“Listen, I have no idea why, but our bond isn’t typical, right? We can feel each other’s emotions even though we haven’t mated yet. And now that. We’ve been together three days ago, I shouldn’t have gone in the heat. What if I’m gonna react like this each time you’re away?”

“We’ll think about it when it actually happens,” Calum answered. “Let’s stick to one problem at a time.” 

“Not a winning strategy,” you huffed, standing up. “Send me an address, I’ll come.”

“You’re not driving in such state.”

You tried to hold from rolling your eyes, you really did. But it was stronger than you. “I’ve driven in worse states, Calum.” 

“No way in hell I’m letting you drive,” he roared, “that’s an order.”

“Don’t you get it?” your passion was turning into anger way too fast. “I’ll go crazy if I just stay here waiting for you. I need to feel I’m actually doing something.”

He huffed. You heard his heavy steps. He was pacing, probably in his hotel room, trying to find the better option.

“Ashton will drive you then,” he concluded a minute after.

“Why to torture the poor man, you’re more than four hours away?”

“No torture, he already agreed. Pack your stuff. He’ll be there in ten.”

“You’re too annoying even for an alpha,” you dropped, ready to hang up.

“One more thing, love,” Calum stopped you, something new in his voice making you listen carefully. “Don’t touch yourself. No matter how strong the need is.”

And with that he finished the call. 

You shook your head. It was obvious where he came with that from. You knew if you tried to help yourself, it would make everything worse. Yet his bold words made your insides tremble more. You clenched your fists and took Calum’s sports bag, throwing in there all your stuff you could see, not thinking whether you’d need it or not. You had only so much time to do that and leave some food for Duke, when you heard a car horn. You patted little dog and left the house. 

Ashton watched you get in the car wearily. You had questions about how much Calum told his best friend. He had to explain this sudden rush somehow. No matter how close they were, you doubted Ashton was so up to fulfilling any request Calum had. But when you saw how Ashton’s face changed, as you closed the door and he had an opportunity to smell you, you thought that maybe Calum didn’t have to explain anything after all.

“Do you mind if I open windows?” Ashton asked, his grip on the steering wheel getting tighter. 

“Of course, not,” you looked down on you hands, feeling guilty. It was odd, you hadn’t felt guilty in so long. “I’m sorry, Ashton,” you mumbled.

You heard his soft chuckle. “Come on, it’s not your fault you can’t be away from him, is it?”

You let a shy smile. 

“And I’d say it’s quite natural with another wolf messing around,” he continued.

You frowned, Matt’s face emerging in your mind. Was it that simple?

“You think it’s because of him?” you asked, not even questioning how much Ashton knew. He was an alpha, after all. And you had no right to feel offended by the lack of privacy. 

Ashton shrugged. “I’m not an expert, obviously. But I’d say it’s quite logical. You two haven’t mated yet. Your wolf nature feels the danger and escalates it.” 

He shrugged again, trying to show it was nothing more than his theory.

“Why do you say you’re not an expert?” you asked suddenly, forgetting about your thirst for Calum for a moment.

“Cause I haven’t met my mate yet,” Ashton answered with a sad smile. “Everything I know, I know in theory.”

You nodded and smiled wider, leaning forward to put your hand on his shoulder. “Whenever you meet her and whoever she is, she’s going to be one lucky she-wolf.”

Ashton met your eyes in a rearview mirror and answered your smile. 

You leaned back on the seat and looked out of the window. You’d already left the town and were driving on the freeway now. Ashton was a faster driver than Cal, but just as confident.

Your eyelids grew heavy, you yawned and found it suddenly difficult to stay in consciousness. You didn’t notice the moment you fell asleep, too worn off by your nightmares, nerves and now heat. The next thing you knew was Calum’s tender touch on your shoulders. 

“Shall I carry you?” he asked in half whisper, helping you carefully from the car. 

You shook your head. You may had been sleepy and tired, but you were determined to walk. You got out of the backseat and as soon as Calum straightened up with your bag in his hand, you enveloped your arms around his torso and hid your face on his chest. You inhaled his scent as deep as you could, feeling his mere presence forcing your tensed muscles relax.

You heard a chuckle, looked back and saw Ashton looking at the two of you with the biggest grin on his face. 

“You owe me for tonight,” he told Calum as they shook hands.

“I owe you for much more than just tonight,” Calum agreed with a sigh.

“As you say, loverboy,” Ash laughed again. You felt him looking at you. “Well, I wish you two good and sleepless rest of the night. I’ll see you back home.” 

You heard him open the car door when a quiet “Thank you” left you. He looked back at you, nodded with a smile and soon drove off. 

Calum squeezed you tighter before letting go. “We should get you inside, yeah?”

You gathered all your strength to detach yourself from him to be able to walk. The way to the elevators took approximately nine hundred years. Or at least, that was how you felt it. The moment the elevator doors closed, you started kissing Calum’s chest right through his tee, not bothering with reaching out to his neck at least.

“Hey, love, just wait a moment,” he tried to stop you. You only shook your head, having no strength for a coherent answer.

“What going on with you, love?” Calum asked, cupping your cheek with his free hand and making you look at him.

“I don’t know,” you whispered. “I just need you, Cal.”

The doors opened behind you to a dimly-lit hall. “You’ve got me,” Calum answered, pulling you out of the elevator and to the door of his room. “You’ve got me, just let me take you inside.”

***

The sky was getting lighter. You were watching it change its color slowly, measuring time not in seconds or minutes, but in beats of Calum’s heart. It sounded strong and steady, confident with every stroke, just like Calum was himself. His breathing was slow and calm, but you knew he wasn’t sleeping. 

“Do you feel better?” he asked an eternity later.

“I do, physically,” you looked up at him, he was frowning from your answer. “I didn’t let you sleep,” you explained. 

Calum smiled and kissed your forehead. “I’m not going to complain.”

Another eternity passed. The sky added some pink to its light blue shade, when Calum spoke again.

“Do you actually know, what caused it?”

You took a deep breath. Did you know? Was Ashton right? Who could have known if not you?

“Ash thinks, because of Matt,” you admitted, seeing more and more logic in this theory.

You lifted yourself a little to change the position and see Calum while speaking. You saw the same frown again and felt his boiling anger.

“What is he to do with it?” his question sounded more like a roar. 

“We had dinner last night. But the heat started earlier,” you mused out loud. “I guess, Tuesday morning, after I agreed to see him.”

Calum didn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue, letting you choose what to say to him and what to keep to yourself.

You sighed. “I had to clear everything, tell him I’m not going home. So that’s why I agreed to see him,” you explained. “But, perhaps, his proposition could have been a catalyst to the heat.”

“What proposition?” Calum finally asked.

You looked Calum in the eye, biting your lip. You knew the reaction would be big, but you didn’t want to keep him in the dark anymore.

“He wanted me to be his omega.”

“He what?” Calum asked so quietly you weren’t sure you heard him correctly.

“He said, he’ll confront both my dad and my brother and after he overthrows them, I’ll become his omega, as the bloodline heir. And our offspring will be rightful alphas in the future.”

You heard Calum’s heart rush its pace, felt his chest under you chest move harder. You could sense how much effort he actually needed to suppress his anger and not run away in search of Matt that very moment.

“Okay, first, I don’t want you see that Matt guy ever again,” he breathed out as soon as he collected himself. “Should have said it earlier, but I don’t want him around you. And that’s not a request.”

You smiled your sweetest smile, asking, “Anything else?”

“Actually, yes! You’re my omega! You’re mine and you're gonna stay mine and my offspring are the only pups you’re gonna have! No one else’s!” Calum roared at you, taking your smile for mocking him.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it,” you snorted, “would be awkward if you didn’t feel like that while i’m lying on you completely naked. Also, could you, please, stop breathing so hard? My boobs hurt from this.”

Calum's frown grew deeper. “I’m serious here.”

You sighed and rolled your eyes at how impossibly stupid your alpha was sometimes. “It’s like you don’t listen to me at all, Calum. I told you once already, I’m here because I choose to be here. It’s not up to you and it’s sure as hell not up to him. I chose you,” you repeated, seeing the realization in his eyes. “Now, would you be so kind to shut up and kiss me? I’m sorta in a heat and need some special kind of treatment.”

Calum didn’t say anything, just shook his head, rolling you on your back and leaning over you for a kiss. You didn’t need him to speak, though. You knew what he was thinking about. You had too much sass for an omega. But you also knew he loved that. Just like everything else.

***

Calum closed the trunk after putting there your bags and looked at you coming closer to the car. It was Friday evening. He had just finished all his work here and you two were about to set off. 

“You’re sure you’ll get through the ride?” he asked, as you came up to him. 

You smiled at his worry. You had spent last two days clenching on him all the time you could. And though you tried your hardest to conceal how difficult it was for you when he had to leave, even for couple hours, he still knew, could feel it through your bond. 

“It got better, Calum,” you reassured him. With a smile you added, “And we can always settle for the back seat, you know.”

“You think?” he smirked, pulling you closer.

“Sure. Last time there was a blast.”

He kissed your temple, you closed your eyes. 

“Seems like you can’t live without me,” Calum whispered. 

Your heart skipped a beat, as you prepared to fight back the rebellious part of you. But, you understood a moment later, there was no need. Cause even the most disobedient part of you couldn’t fight the truth. You really couldn’t live without him. You had no idea, when you had finally came to terms with it, but your independence didn’t mean much anymore. Or better say, little enough to give it up for him.

“Seems like you’re right,” you mused quietly, with your eyes still closed. 

Despite your readiness for the car’s backseat, the ride went pretty uneventful. Your heat was obviously slowing down and you felt better than ever with only Calum’s hand on your thigh. You spent about four hours on the road, most of the time keeping quiet, when Calum turned the car away from the freeway. You’d seen the signs and knew you still had about thirty miles left to the town border, it was too soon for him to turn. You turned to him, but he looked just as confident as before. 

“Where are we going?” you asked, failing to suppress your worry.

“A little detour,” Calum answered. His voice was calm and low. 

You looked around again as you entered a little village, wondering what on earth Calum could have needed here. But he drove past it. Another ten minutes passed, you drove in the countryside. The road was bad and there was nothing around, only bushes. What kind of business could he have here? Again you looked at Calum, but he was giving nothing away. 

You took another turn and came to a little field with a strange warehouse on the other side of it. It looked uninhabited, ominous even. 

“What are we doing here, Cal?” you asked, after he stopped the car. 

But he didn’t answer, just got out of car and beckoned you to follow him.

You understood everything the moment you stepped out of the car, all you needed was to feel the smell of this place. You looked at Calum. 

“What the hell?” 

Calum had already went a little forward and stopped now. He turned back to you and offered you his hand. “Let’s go.”

You crossed your arms in a feeble attempt to protect yourself. You looked at the warehouse again. There was a black hole where the entrance should have been. And you could swear you saw a silhouette of Ripper waiting for you inside. 

“I don’t wanna go there,” you admitted.

“We have to. We have something to finish there.”

“Pretty sure I’ve finished everything the last time I was there,” you scoffed. 

“Obviously, you haven't,” Calum shook his head. You saw sadness in his eyes as he said that. “Come on, love. It’s all gonna be okay, but you should trust me.” 

You shook your head, feeling a lump in your throat. You couldn’t get inside, you knew that. How could he ask anything like that from you?

“You can’t sleep,” Calum said quietly, coming up to you. “Can’t shift cause you’re afraid you won’t shift back. Which you probably won’t as only in your wolf shape you can let go of all of your fears.”

“There are no fears,” you said stubbornly, shaking your head and looking at your feet.

You heard him sigh. “You killed for the first time that night, right?” he asked you. 

You looked up at him, not answering his question. “Why are you doing this?” you asked.

“You need to accept what you did,” he said, taking your hand, before ordering in his alpha voice, “Let’s go.”

You didn’t want to, felt your feet stumbling, but you still went. He took you inside and all the way down the hall to the room where it all happened. You were positive the building was empty. You could hear water drops somewhere above you two and a lonely rat in the basement. And besides that only deafening silence. But you still saw Ripper in every shadow coming your way.

In the room it all happened the smell was the strongest. You felt sick from it, sweet scent of rotten blood from now on being the constant companion of your nightmares about Ripper. 

You hugged yourself and shrugged, looking around. It was dark inside, but darkness was never a problem for your sharp sight. You could see marks from the bullets Ripper sent your way on the concrete walls, could recollect where was Calum and how Ashton moved round the room. You saw it all so clearly, like it happened just yesterday. 

“Why do you blame yourself?” You heard behind you. 

You turned back to Calum to tell him he was wrong, you didn’t blame yourself at all. But those words stuck in your throat. Cause he was right. You did blame yourself.

You felt tears coming up to your eyes. “I’ve killed a person, Calum,” you answered him under your voice.

“He deserved it.”

“I’m not the one to decide it,” you sniffed. “I’m not a god or a judge. Yet I just jumped and did it.”

Calum sighed, his arms crossed on his chest. “You were protecting me,” he reminded you slowly. “And Ashton, and yourself, and many more. If you hadn’t killed him, he would have killed us all.”

“I could have just hurt his hand, that would be enough.”

“And then what, hurt the other one? It wouldn’t have stopped him. Ripper wanted to bring us down for years. And he finally has us with Ashton both in his power. Nothing could have stopped him. He’d just ordered his pack to kill us. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yes, I did!” you shouted back, your voice echoing from the walls. “I killed, Calum! Just the way I was taught to,” you felt the first tear slide down your cheek. “Just like my father wanted me to kill my brother,” you finished. 

Calum came closer to you. “So that’s what tortures you?”

“I’m a monster, Calum,” you whispered back. “I needed too much time to realise it, but I did. All the trainings he put me through, all the lessons with the guards and the pack’s council. All the days and nights I was ready to die from the endless workouts. I’d never bothered with asking one simple question. Why would my dad go in all that trouble to train me? I was the second in line, a girl to make things worse. But that was the most important lesson I never actually learnt. Always have plan b. And I was his plan b. He was raising a monster out of me, in case his first monster won’t satisfy his requirements. And he succeeded,” you felt bitterness in your voice when you said it. But it was the truth. You were literally standing on the proof. And there was no running away from it. “I killed Ripper just like my dad wanted me to kill my brother. I completed his course.” 

You felt the concrete floor hit your knees and only then you realized that you’d fallen. Calum rushed up to you, to hold you. His face was blurry, though, and your cheeks were wet. 

“No matter how much time passes or how far away from him I run, I’m still my father’s monster. And I’ll always be.”

Calum shook his head, stroking your hair and wiping tears away from your face. “No, you’re not. And you’ve never been.”

“How can you want me?” you asked suddenly, frowning. “How can you want a monster?”

“You're not a monster,” Calum rushed back, his eyebrows furrowed. “You didn’t kill him to gain anything. Not power or respect or revenge. You did it just to protect yourself and others. You did what you had to do, not what you wanted. And now you need to forgive yourself.”

You shook your head, tears streaming down harder. You wanted to say something else, how there was no forgiveness for you now, but you couldn’t, choking on your sobbing. Calum pulled you closer. You closed your eyes and let it all out. Standing on the cold hard floor covered with the blood of a guy you killed, you were crying out all the despair you had, all the hatred to yourself and all the regret.

“Why?” you asked some time later. 

Calum shifted and pulled away from you to be able to see your face. “Why what?”

“Why do you do this for me? Why do you hold for me? Why do you want me so much, Calum?” he looked at you with his eyes wide. You shook your head, knowing full well what would be his first and most obvious answer. “I know it’s not only the mating bong.”

He sighed. You saw his sight getting softer as he spoke, “Because you’re you.”

You frowned and he went on, “You’re so strong. The strongest wolf I’ve ever seen. And you’re smart and witty and beautiful. God, you’re so damn beautiful. I see you every day and still can’t believe you’re real,” he shook his head in awe. “And you’re enormously kind.”

You couldn’t help from snorting. “We’re standing on a place where I killed a person with our knees in what’s probably been a puddle of his blood. And you’re saying I’m kind?”

“You did what you had to do. And still mourned him and blamed yourself even though he didn’t deserve it a bit,” he said with a sigh and pushed some hair from your forehead. “And you’re also the most stubborn woman I know. And I’m falling for you hard, mating bond or not.”

You closed your eyes, not able to believe he really said all this. 

“But I’m so broken, Calum,” you sobbed. 

“Everyone is, love,” he answered, squeezing your shoulders and kissing your head. “But if you’re broken doesn’t mean you can’t be mend.”

***

You were back on the motorway. The windows were open, letting the smells of the night and forest in. You were holding Calum’s hand in your hands on your lap, it was soothing your nerves and silencing your fears. 

You were tired. The realization came fast and crashed you. This week had worn you out completely with all the Matt drama, heat and now this. You were tired, but you still felt better than you had in the morning. You couldn’t even dream that visiting the warehouse would free you from the Ripper’s ghost, but you knew it was a start. 

Calum was humming some melody to himself, surprising you with his good mood. He was generally more satisfied with the life this week than before, which frankly startled you, especially after you told him what Matt wanted from you. But you took it as a good sign. He obviously trusted you enough with it. And if you were lucky, Matt would have left the town by now. 

You could already see the town entering sign, when an unusually big number of cars on the side of the road drew your attention. You felt Calum slow his car down too and looked at him in question. “Another detour?”

He pulled over and stopped the engine, squeezing your hands. “Last thing to take care of. And I promise, no business at the weekend.”

You heard car doors open and close around you and looked away from him. Wolves were getting out of the cars. You could see the guard of the both packs and some other wolves you hadn’t met personally yet. Andy was looming behind everybody else. Ashton came in front of the crowd, Gabbie and Lara following his steps. 

Calum stroke your thigh gently and sighed, “You can stay in the car if you want.”

He got out and came up to Ashton, when another black suv’s door was opened and two Calum’s pure bloods escorted Matt to him.

You took a deep breath. You could stay in the car, but you didn’t want to. You got out, saw Calum following you with his eyes and stood right behind Lara and Gabbie, taking that the safest place for you would be among the pure bloods. And Gabbie was your personal guard after all. Girls looked back at you and smiled reassuringly, but all your attention was on the two men in front of you. 

Calum stepped forward to where Matt was left by the guard. Matt smirked and straightened up. 

“So I finally get to meet the Alpha,” Matt drawled.

You saw Calum’s shoulders tense. Just a tiny bit, but it was enough for you to notice. The wave of irritation rose inside, but you knew the emotion wasn’t yours. It was getting easier to divide yours and Calum’s feelings, but you still didn’t like what you felt.

“Let’s do it in a civilized way, why don’t we,” Calum said calmly, despite the storm he had inside. “You leave the town and never bother me, my mate, my friend or our packs ever again. And we let you go unharmed.”

Matt chuckled. He observed the guard and smiled, finding you. “He thinks he’s the one to decide, doesn’t he?” he asked you over the heads of all the wolves between the two of you. “Is that what got you?”

You looked Matt in the eye, but said nothing. You knew that game, your brother played it one too many times with you. But you knew better than to answer his provocation. You took one step closer to Gabbie and looked at Calum’s back.

Suddenly you understood the lack of reaction from him. He probably arranged this all the morning after you came to him. And relaxed after this, knowing well his pure bloods will follow his command and he’ll have an opportunity to throw Matt out of the town himself. But it wasn’t a pissing contest and he wasn’t doing it to satisfy his ego. Calum was an alpha of the town. And this was his call to make. 

“What, you just gonna stand behind his back silently?” Matt threw at you, disbelief prominent in his words. “You fucking kidding me?”

This hit you hard. Your eyes darted back to him. You knew what he was talking about. You’d never been obedient to anyone, not your father, not anyone else. You were the only judge of you actions. But there was one thing Matt didn’t know. Calum had never asked you to obey. To let him into your life, yes. To let him take care of you, to become his mate, share his life with him. But he never, not even once, asked you to bow. And the decision he was making right in front of you now he was making only with your consent. 

You looked back at your alpha. He was standing there in silence, waiting for your reaction patiently, not rushing you and not trying to decide for you now. Your heart clenched with all the things you felt to him. 

I’m really tired, you told him through your bond. Can we get over with it already and go home. 

Everyone saw the change in Calum. You saw Ashton step a little closer to his friend and the whole guard leaning forward, as Calum relaxed his shoulders and lifted his head a little. He spared Matt another look and without saying anything turned around. 

“We’re going home!” he ordered. 

The guard moved just enough to free Calum and Ashton way to their cars, Gabbie taking your elbow and pulling you the same way. 

“Your father was right!” Matt screamed at you, making you turn to him again. “You’re just a fucking omega whore!”

Everyone froze, the next moment the pure bloods stepped forward, but Calum was faster. He turned back and hit Matt in the stomach so hard, you father’s ex pure blood bent down and lost his breath. He didn’t even have time to prepare for the punch, his full attention was on you. 

Calum leaned over him and whispered, “Please, make it easy for me. Just say one more thing about her and I’ll rip your head off right here.”

You saw the guard looking at Calum in awe. Everyone must have known already why Matt was in town and what he wanted from you. Threatening an alpha mate in any way usually caused wolves death. The guard knew Calum had all the right to at least beat Matt up. And they knew Calum wanted it. Yet he held back, showing mercy to ones who never deserved it. 

“No?” Calum asked, disappointed by the absence of reaction. “Alright. Consider this a final warning then.”

He stepped back from Matt, nodded to his wolves and walked up to you. He was opening the door to you, when you heard Matt again.

“You’ll fucking regret it, little alpha,” he promised under his breath, yet still loud enough for everybody to hear.

You felt guard looking at Calum again. But he just made sure you were safely in the car and then got in himself, the pack following his example. 

“You alright?” Calum asked, as your car drove past Matt, still holding his stomach and cursing out loud.

You just nodded, not able to say anything. Your mind was rushing around and you kept pulling on your fingers.

“What did he mean when he said ‘little alpha’?” Calum asked. “Is it an insult of sorts?” 

“No,” you huffed. “It’s actually my nickname. He used to call me this, when we were little.”

Calum hummed and looked at you, as you stopped at the traffic light. He covered your nervously moving hands and asked you again, “You alright?”

“Matt is a revengeful type,” you uttered.

“So?”

“What if he tells my family? What if they finally find me?” you asked, looking up at Calum, your eyes full of fear. You didn’t tell him that, but the idea of finally meeting them again obscured every other worry you could possibly have. You weren’t ready to face them, not after you finally had something to lose.

But Calum only smiled at you with the softest smile he used only for you. “Good thing you’ll never need to deal with it on your own.”

He took your hand in his and kissed you knuckles, while setting the car in motion again.

***

You were standing in the bathroom in one of Calum’s tank tops you’d stolen to sleep in. You examined your arm from all the possible angles, the scar from the bullet is hardly visible now. Couple more weeks and even you wouldn’t remember there was something there. You went on with your skin care, brushed your hair and was ready to come back into the bedroom, when your eyes suddenly stopped at your neck. You touched your collarbones and met your sight in the mirror, asking if that was really what you were about to do. 

You smirked. You’d guarded your freedom for so long, refused from giving it up for anyone, let alone Calum. Little did you know you weren’t giving up your freedom, but your loneliness. You took a deep breath and left the room.

Calum was lying on the bed in his sweats only, scrolling through his phone. You didn’t waste any time, straddled him and pulled his phone from his hand. 

“Hey, love,” he smiled at you, his hands finding their place on your waist instantly. “You look too good in my clothes,” he added, his eyes sliding down your body hungrily. 

You smiled and pulled him by his hands, making him sit up. He used it to his own advantage, his arms snaking around your back. 

“I wanted to ask you about something,” you started in half-whisper. 

“Whatever you want,” Calum agreed easily, bending down to you and kissing you cheek.

You gathered all your courage and breathed out, “Mark me.”

He froze. Then slowly straightened up and looked at you.

“What?”

“I want a mating mark,” you repeated.

The silence fell over you. Calum was looking you in the eyes, trying to find there at least a glimpse of a doubt. You were patiently waiting for him to proceed the idea.

“Are you sure?” he finally asked. 

You sighed and smiled at him, “I am.”

He pulled back a little and tried again, “Are you really sure you’re ready for this? For being with me for the rest of your life?”

Your nodded. “You are my mate, after all,” you tried to joke it off, but saw it would have no effect even before you finished saying it. He needed you to be serious about it and he needed you to be honest. You huffed and tried again, “You remember what you asked me about at Gabbie’s wedding? If I see it happening for me one day?” Calum nodded. “I do see it happening. Not tomorrow, but I do see it. And I see it with you.”

He didn’t say anything back, just kept looking at you with all his seriousness. You lifted your hands and stroke his forehead, pushing his curls back, caressing his skull. 

“You’re the man I wanna spend my life with,” you admitted. “You’re strong and kind, and fair, and modest, and caring. You’ll never make me obey you against my will. You’re unbelievably handsome, which also helps a lot,” he snorted at this. “You’re by far the most stubborn man I know. And I’m falling for you hard.”

He smiled at these words and leaned closer to kiss you. This kiss was slow and tender, but not at all less passionate. You felt his heart raising its pace, but his moves were slow and careful. 

You hugged his neck, dragging him closer, savouring the taste of his lips. Your hips clenched around him, Calum huffed in the kissed and picked you up. He swiftly rolled you on your back, hovering over you. His lips slid down on your jaw and then lower to your neck. You clenched your fists, ready to feel his teeth on your skin, but he didn’t stop and continued his way. His hands started to find their way under the tank top you were in, while his lips moved to your collarbones. Your hands tangled in his hair, pressing his face even closer to your burning skin. 

Calum pulled back and made you lift up a little, taking your top off of you. The moment you were again on your back, his lips covered your breast, making your instantly lose your breath. You were wondering every time, what it was about him that made you lose your mind. He did pretty much the same things as the men before him. But no one ever made you feel these things with just holding your nipple between their lips. 

You let go of his hair and stretched your hands down his body, tugging on his sweats. You didn’t have enough space to pull them down, Calum’s already too low, but you could show him what you really wanted. You felt him chuckle into your skin. He sat up from you and shook his head.

“Impatient, are we?” he asked, taking his sweats off. 

“For you always,”  vicious smile covered your lips as your panties followed his clothes. 

You bit your lip, viewing the man in front of you. You took his hips and dragged him closer. Calum chuckled again, but instead giving in, went back to your stomach. His lips were drawing patterns on your skin, while his hands were holding your hips down on the bed. You felt your juices leaking on the bed already and let out a whine. But Calum didn’t pay any attention, going on with his own plan, obviously. His lips went almost as low as you wanted them and started going back up. 

“Seriously?” you huffed, your hips trying to buckle up in search of at least any friction.

Calum didn’t answer anything, his mouth too busy with kissing and sucking. He went back to your breasts, eliciting a series of desperate moans from you, and finally reached your neck again.

“I want you,” you whispered, gasping for air and not controlling anymore nor your clenching hips neither your wandering hands. 

“I know, baby,” he confirmed, sucking a hickey below your ear. 

You whined again. 

“Think you’re wet enough for me?” he asked you with a devilish smile. You squeezed your legs around his hips as an answer. Calum laughed and patted your thigh, asking you to let go of him. You obeyed and pulled him in for another kiss. 

He entered you the very next second, making you shut your eyes and let go of his lips instantly, your mouth opened in a silent scream.

“Love you like this,” Calum whispered over you, his arm holding your arching back. 

He rocked his hips, his dick going a little deeper. You found it in yourself to breathe in and now you were letting the air down with a long moan. No matter how many times you’ve done it already, the stretch was still too much. He set the pace, slow and careful, getting deeper with every other move, not pausing until he could come on full in you. You were biting your lips from all the sensations in your body. He kept pushing, further and further and then he stopped, you felt him go inside as deep as it was only possible. Calum hid his face on your chest, breathing hard. You lowered your hand on his head and stroke gently. 

“You okay?” you asked, confused by his sudden hesitation. 

Calum looked up and smiled. “Fucking favourite place in the world,” he breathed out and moved again. And then again. He wasn’t slowing now, pace rising up with every move. Your whines turned into sobs as he started to literally shove you into the mattress. You saw the drops of sweat cover his forehead, his eyes were shut and his lips tremble. His beautiful plump lips all red now and wet from your kisses. You couldn’t fight it and pulled him back again, sucking on his lower lip as he kept pounding in you. 

You got close too soon, all the emotions and nerves of the day weakened you. It was like Calum felt it even before you did. Your walls only started to clench and he was already kissing your neck, just like you loved him to.

“Come on, love,” he rushed you a little, “let go for me.”

You could fight many things in the world, but not his begging together with his kissing. You felt the waves of pleasure covering you, one after another, honestly believing nothing in the world could ever compare to it, wishing you’ll have this forever. You were clenching on his shoulders, whispering god only knows what silly things, probably just repeating his name, instinctively bucking your hips up. And then you stopped. 

His teeth sank into your skin right over your left collarbone and your world exploded. White flashes in front of your eyes blinded you. You stopped breathing, but you didn’t need the air anyway. All you knew was the fire flowing into your body through the bite on your neck. But this fire wasn’t burning your down with pain, it was filling you up, just like Calum was filling you up down your body now. It felt like you’d finally found your soul and now it was filling your body back. It felt like realization of all your dreams you'd never known you had. It felt like the most right thing in the entire world.

You heard banging in your ears. It took another century for you to understand it was your heart pounding in your chest. Calum was lying on your, your chests moving in unison. He was holding you tight, his lips touching your skin exactly where the mark of his bite was burning now, imprinting your rightful place in the world and by his side as his only mate from now on and till your last breath.

***

taglist: @myloverboyash, @bringmethehorizonandpizza, @calumamongmen, @post-traumatic-mess, @empathycth, @calpops, @talkfastang, @cthoodsthetic, @ariannawoodxoxo, @dreamer-loves-lyrics, @fluffsshawn, @madformichael, @c-h-i-l, @woahitsannerieke, @rotten-kandy, @hopelessxcynic, @spankthetrashcan, @theodora-howyoudoin, @xcarondimoniox, @clummycal, @vexxybexxy-blog, @fictionalfrustrations, @notsooperfect, @rbforsmileycal, @lmao5sosimagines, @wantirwinback, @acapurso

Also tagging some mutuals and people who requested for the next part in comments (IF YOU DON’T WANNA BE TAGGED JUST LMK AND ALSO FEEL FREE TO IGNORE): @i-calumhood, @singt0mecalum, @rip-lukes-balsamic, @gorgeouslygrace, @5saucewho, @etherealhood, @inspirationcal, @calumfmu, @megz1985, @ficrec5sos, @toohardto-forget, @lockthisheartinchains, @imaginirwin, @josie-elizabeth, @danique001, @itsmeempar, @xheirjordanx, @viper-strike, @shawnsshimmeringsmile, @emptxwallts, @slytcashton, @talkfastromance4, @blahehblah, @allthelightwecannotsee, @calumsound, @lfwallscouldtalk, @xmeetyoutherex, @5sosses, @poetichoodd, @gosh-im-short

[magdalcnas]

→  full name:  madgalena delgado mejia  →  nicknames:  maggie,  magda,  lena →  age:  twenty seven →  zodiac:  pisces →  birthday:  february 28th 1993 →  sexual  orientation:  heterosexual →  height: 5ft. 7in. →  occupation: bartender →  homestate:  georgia 

tw  for  mentions  of  disordered eating,  eating  disorders,  fires  and  parental  death.

born  and  raised  in  small  town  in  georgia,  to  roberto  delgado  ruiz    and  isabel  mejia  lopez,  maggie  is  the  oldest  of  three.  preachers  daughter,  pageants,  ballet,  all  that  jazz.  picture  perfect.  but  nothing  ever  really  is.

an  old  soul.  that’s  what  people  called  it  but  magdalena  said  differently,  she  called  it  having  eyes.  perfection  is  fraud.  she  couldn’t  keep  it  up  forever  but  she’d  be  damned  if  she  wasn’t  going  down  on  her  own  terms.

so  she  started  acting  out.  skipping  church,  starting  fires  in  the  basement,  skipping  meals,  and  ditching  class.

but  every  action  was  met  only  with  a  smile  and  sweeping  it  under  the  rug.  the  delgado’s  were  perfect,  and  they  couldn’t  be  perfect  if  they  focused  on  the  problems.  so  they  ignored  them.

maggie’s  got  a  headache,  ‘won’t  you  use  the  firepit  out  back  next  time  dear?’,  backdated  doctors  notes.  even  an  inpatient  stay  for  anorexia  written  off  as  summer  volunteering  on  a  mission.

running  away  was  a  nuclear  option  but  she’d  tried  so  many  other  things  it  truly  felt  like  her  only  option.

emmanuel  college,  georgia.  english  .  that  had  been  the  plan.  the  college  roberto  and  bella  had  met  and  fell  in  love  at,  keeping  it  in  the  family,  they  where  so  proud  their  girl  had  gotten  in.  but  then  she  didn’t  go

nyu,  english  and  american  literature.  she’d  gotten  in  and  so  she  went.  but  it  didn’t  last  long.  on  her  own  for  the  first  time  she  spiralled.  falling  into  old  habits  and  forging  new  ones  —  she  didn’t  even  make  it  two  years.  dropping  out  just  before  christmas  in  her  second  year  she  moved  out  of  student  digs  and  into  the  cheapest  apartment  she  could  find  and  she's  been  here  in  aikens  ever  since

she  hadn’t  spoke  to  her  family  since  just  after  she  dropped  out,  informing  them  that  no,  she  wouldn’t  be  coming  home,  tail  between  her  legs.  no  word  to  them  or  from  them  till  five  months  ago,  when  her  brother  alvaro  called  .

alvaro  delgado  mejia,  who  had  picked  up  the  crown  of  golden  child  when  catalina  had  dropped  it,  was  halfway  through  a  degree  in  christian  ministries  his  world  collapsed.

roberto  and  bella  delgado,  dead  in  a  house  fire.  little  dolores  delgado,  just  a  few  onths  shy  of  eigtheen,  orphaned  and  left  only  with  what  she  had  ran  out  of  the  house  with.  and  alvaro  couldn’t  take  her  in.  wouldn’t  give  up  the  fledgling  life  he’d  started  out  on.  so  instead  he  reeled  back  the  wayward  sister.

so  it  fell  to  magdalena.  magdalena  who  hadn’t  spoken  to  anyone  with  the  surname  delgado  mejia  for  seven  years,  magdalena  who  had  built  a  life  for  herself  in  the  absence  of  her  family    magdalena  who  hadn’t  told  her  address  to  her  family,  who’s  brother  had  found  her  through  sheer  luck  suddenly  had  drop  everything  to  care  for  her  baby  sister.  had  to  find  a  way  to  fit  her  in

she  tried  at  first,  to  be  the  old  madgalena,  not  the  new  maggie,  the  one  her  sister  remembered  but  she’d  never  really  been  that  person.  falling  back  into  bad  habits  she’s  worse  than  she’s  ever  been  before.  but  she’s  back  to  pretending.  but  not  pretending  to  be  perfect,  just  pretending  to  have  her  life  together  when  really?  she  can  barely  cope.

[holylulusworld]

The queen of Lebanon - Part 3 – The time is now

Summary: Your father died years ago, all men in the business believed you are too weak to take over his Empire – they were wrong. Anyone trying to get into your hair will feel your wrath. What happens when a cocky mobster tries not only to steal your empire but your heart too?

Pairing: Mobster!Dean x Mobster!Reader, Garth Fitzgerald, Cole Trenton, Jimmy Novak, Sam Winchester

Warnings: angst, ‘the family business’, murder, blood, characters death, love-hate relationship, age gap (the reader is 28; Dean 32), investigations, language, grief/loss

The queen of Lebanon Masterlist

Now…

Your eyes hard, lips pressed into a thin line you show now emotions. Now one betrays you, no one steals from you, so you aim the gun to the traitor’s head, pulling the trigger without regret.

“Send him in, I want to know everything about that bitch’s life and how she wormed her way into one of my best men’s bed. No mercy for Lisa Braeden.” Cole bows his head, not daring to say a word as he leaves the room.

“A word, boss?” 

“Not now, Jimmy. I have more unfinished business left…tell me about it later…”

Six years ago, …

“Y/N let me do this. You don’t have to wait for the cops to arrive, you know what they will do. There will be hours of interrogation only one goal in sight – blaming your father for Jody’s and his death.” Cole tries to reason with you, but you made your decision, or rather gave your dead father a promise.

“I’ll handle this, Cole. I know you mean well, but this is my business now and I’m capable of talking to a few small-town cops for sure. Dad is dead, just like Jody and I will not rest till I found their murderer.” Looking one last time at your father you blink the tears away. “Do your job, serve your boss…”

“Yes, boss…”

The words leave Cole’s lips easily and he hates to admit it, but the fire in your eyes and the way you straighten your back tells him you will be deadlier than your father ever was. 

“I’m on it. I called the cops and all. Should be here in a few minutes.”

“Good. Did you touch anything?” Eyes meeting Coles you clench your fists. “We need to make sure the cops do not concentrate their investigations toward us.”

“Only with gloves. I checked your father’s pulse. I didn’t with Jody as she…well…her eyes.” Gulping at the pain flashing over your face Cole tries to find the right words. “Sorry, boss. I mean that there was no chance she could’ve survived.”

“I get it, Cole. Thank you for everything, but this is the last time you will look at me with pity.” Walking toward Cole you squeeze his arm. “We will kill these bastards and make sure no one gets my father’s empire,” Cole smirks, loving the way you order him around.

“All you want, boss. Shall I stay here?” Looking at your father Cole composes himself. “I will miss him, Y/N. Raised me like his son.”

“I know, Cole. Dad always liked you and after Michael…” Your voice cracks and you take a deep breath. “I think he needed you more than you needed him, Cole. Thanks for being there for my father while I wasn’t.” 

You want to leave the office, want to prepare to talk to the cops but then the safe behind a fake Rembrandt catches your attention. Pointing at the broken safe you laugh, shaking your head.

“Something funny?” Cole blinks a few times, not knowing what shall be funny in a room full of blood and your dead father.

“Whoever killed my father was dumb enough to fall for his ‘fake’ safe, Cole. Idiots, a bunch of incompetent idiots.” Scoffing you walk out of the room, motion for Cole to follow you.

“Didn’t know that, Y/N…” 

“No one knew except for Dad and me. He always said he can’t trust anyone, not even Jody as she was a former cop. I guess they wanted to find the black book he was hiding in his safe, Cole.” Voice broken you give your friend a sad smile. 

----

Covering Jody with a blanket you take deep breaths, not wanting to show weakness. If you break now, your father’s empire will fall apart and the Winchesters or Crowley will try to get what’s left.

“Boss, I can hear sirens.” 

“Good, use the back entrance and don’t get caught, Cole. I will tell them I arrived here and found my parents. You were never here; you didn’t see anything. Bring Sam Winchester to the Sheriff’s department, I want a reliable lawyer by my side.” Cole’s brows furrow at Sam’s name.

“You sure…I mean…ahem…” Clearing his throat Cole scratches his chin. “What about Dean?”

“Who is Dean?” Eyes cold you ignore Cole’s worried look, not giving away your wildly beating heart. “We do not talk about dead people in this house any longer. Now go…”

----

“Y/N…I’m so sorry for your loss.” Garth tries to hug you, but you step back, giving him a cold glare.

“It’s Ms. Y/L/N to you, Sheriff Fitzgerald. I don’t think we are that close to exchange forenames.” It pains you to be cold toward the poor guy, but you know he won’t be able to solve your fathers’ case. Garth is a puppet in the mobs hands.

No one ever followed his orders or believes he’s capable of bringing the mobsters in town down. That’s the reason the men behind the police in town choose to give Garth the position as Lebanon’s sheriff.

“Sorry, ma’am.” A cracked smile on his lips Garth nods, knowing you must be tough now, not giving away you know the rest of his department gets paid well by your father’s enemies. “I wish I could do more…”

You can hear the sadness in Garth’s voice, and the regret he can’t do anything to help you. “Deputies, can you check the garden? I think the coroner is done here…”

“Sure, Sir…” Spatting the words the deputies leave the room. Laughing about their ‘boss’.

“Idiots, for sure. I will tell you this only once and then I’ll shut my mouth.” Garth steps closer, handing you a flash drive. 

“I got no clue about the trouble your father was in, but he came to me and asked for help. That’s a copy of his files. All I know is he tried to negotiate with Crowley.” 

Your eyes round as Garth smirks. “I seem to be dumb, clumsy and everyone believes I got no clue what I’m doing, let them, Y/N.”

Now you laugh as he points toward the deputies faking to investigating the garden. “I know your father’s enemies pay my men and I know you want revenge. If you ever need my help, you will find an open door for sure - without payment.”

Garth leaves you stunned behind, smirking as he can see a tiny smile on your lips.

Maybe not all cops have a price tag…

----

“I’ll ask you this one last time, Y/N. Were you the only person in your father’s house?” The agent smirks, placing pictures of your dead father and Jody in front of you but you remain silent.

Face stoic, lips pressed into a thin line you look at your watch. “Got a hot date or anything?” The other agent laughs, not having the slightest compassion for you.

“No, not a hot date but my lawyer should be here in around two minutes. You should know, as a federal agent that it is forbidden to talk to someone after he or she asked for a lawyer. Interrogating a person after is against the law.” Now the smirk fades and the agent slams his fist onto the table.

“Don’t play games with me, Missy.” He snarls and you place your hands onto the table, locking eyes with the way taller man. 

“Or what, agent? Do you want to drag me into an interrogation room after I just found my mother and father murdered? Instead of mourning over the loss I spend hours in here without water or respect on your side.”

Leaning closer you narrow your eyes. “We both know it’s not possible I killed my parents. I was miles away, at Stanford at that time. That’s all you will get for your disrespect. If you want to know more, ask my lawyer.”

Lips sealed, you lean back onto the chair, crossing your arms over your chest. The agent who laughed can see the fire in your eyes and gulps hard. 

“Disrespect…”

----

“What do you mean with she asked for SAM?” Dean yells pacing around his office. “After years of not seeing anyone in town, she asks for my brother.”

“Well…uh…he’s a lawyer, Mr. Winchester and my boss asked me to send for him if the cops take her with them. As not cops, but FBI agents took her I thought it’s better to not call but come here right away, Sir.” Cole is aware Dean is no one to anger so he tries to be as polite as possible.

“Why my brother?” Moving his fingers nervously through his hair Dean glares at Jimmy who looks away, not wanting to give away Sam and he never lost contact to you. "Jimmy? Got anything to say?”

“Nope, boss. Nothing. I guess she remembered Sam went to Stanford too. I mean, at least he tried a normal life…” Jimmy doesn’t see Dean’s backhand coming. “Dean…”

“She can only know about that if she stayed in contact with both of you!” Dean is panting heavily, not knowing how to tame his anger. Sam and Jimmy could contact you, but he was treated like a plague. “Why you and Sam?”

“Ahem…we didn’t break her heart at her twenty-first birthday. We didn’t make her believe there will be a future for the both of you and…” Jimmy takes a step backward, prepared for another swing. “None of us chose Lisa over Y/N…”

Dean’s fist raises but then he drops it to his side, nodding as he knows deep down hidden underneath anger and jealousy his friend is right.

He even hired Jimmy only to get to know more about you and your life, but Dean always was too afraid to give in to his feelings.

“Send him, Jimmy. Maybe this way she will agree to give us Bobby’s empire.” Dean mumbles before he walks out of the office slamming the door shut.

“Two idiots in love for sure…” Jimmy snorts.

“I’m worried about, Y/N…” Cole is grateful for Sam’s help, still he would prefer staying by your side.

Jimmy sighs heavily, wishing he could sneak out to help you but for now, Sam must do the job…

----

“Shut it, agent. Missy tries to anger us…”

The door swings open and an angry-looking Sam Winchester steps in. For a moment his features soften at the sight of your small figure sitting in front of two bulky agents, but he can see the pale faces and a tiny smirk on your lips.

“You got to be kidding me! A mobster is your lawyer?” Agent ‘no compassion’ exhales. “A Winchester on top of all…”

“Any problems here, Ms. Y/L/N? Did these two men tell you about your rights?” Sam glances at you, ignoring everyone else in the room. 

“No, Mr. Winchester. They almost dragged me away from my dead mother, pushed me into an FBI vehicle and held me, hostage, in here without telling me why.” Sam nods, acting professional he turns his attention toward the agents.

“Well, agents. That’s an inexcusable mistake on your side. I’m pretty sure you didn’t want to bother this young woman after she lost her parents and even worse, found them dead. Instead of showing compassion toward my client you tried to interrogate her.” Holding out his hand Sam smirks, as you get up to follow him outside.

“Wait…you can’t just…” The agent jumps up, tries to stop Sam but one angry look of the tall mobster lets him stop in his tracks.

“I will leave with my client now. If you have any questions, call my office for an appointment. I don’t think you want to read about your slip in the newspaper tomorrow…right?” Sam cocks a brow as the agent falls back onto the chair, shaking his head.

----

“I was surprised you called me instead of someone else. After…” Sam clears his throat, avoiding bringing his brother up.

“Sam, I still see you and Jimmy as my friends, just like back then. That man is your brother and you are not responsible for his actions or reactions. I know you tried anything.” Cupping Sam’s cheek you give him a sad smile. “I know, Sammy…”

“Y/N. What will you do now?” 

“I will bury my parents, Sammy. When this is done I will…” Looking into the distance you blink a few tears away. “After that, I will find out who is behind their murder and find them…”

Sam’s breath hitches in his throat seeing the hatred in your eyes. He only saw it once before, at Dean and Lisa’s wedding.

Before you left town, before you swore yourself to never love Dean Winchester again…

----

Now…

The noise is distant, almost not hearable but you sit up in your bed to grab your gun.

You can hear footsteps on the floor so you silently walk toward the bedroom door, hiding behind it right in time as the door silently opens.

Your intruder doesn’t see the gun before he feels it pressed to his forehead and a gasp escapes his lips.

“Whoa, don’t shoot me, Sweetheart.” Your heart races but you hit Dean hard with the gun, causing him to stumble and fall to his knees.

“Get out of my house!” Face hard, harder than Dean remembers you glare at the kneeling man. His gun lies abandoned on the floor and you chuckle as he clumsily tries to get hold of it. “Move a muscle and you are dead meat, Winchester.”

He looks up at you with those piercing green eyes and for a moment you are distracted but then you feel him tackle you, causing the weapon to slip from your fingers.

“I got you…” Holding you down with his strength Dean looks you all over, admiring the body he missed for so many years. “Always liked you pressed against me. I just never had the time to enjoy you again.”

“Fuck you, Winchester. Get off me!” Fighting against Dean’s hold you wrap your legs around his waist to flip him over. 

A yelp, followed by a loud thud fills your bedroom and Dean gasp as you straddle his lap. A knife held to his throat.

“I always wanted to kill you, Dean. I think…the time is now…”

SPN Forever Tags

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The queen of Lebanon

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