#and then realizing i was right and feeling progressively sadder for her

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

brainrot over mlb again someone has probably already done this, sorry if that's true. also pre-emptive warning for intentional unhealthy dynamics but anyway: standard kwamiswap AU with Marinette getting Plagg and Adrien getting Tikki But along with this, it also posits that Marinette has always been "unlucky", and Adrien has always been "lucky". The AU then focuses on playing with the idea of this, making you suspect it's untrue, but then worry it really is true, exploring the implications of it, questioning if "destiny" is real or not, pointing out that sometimes "luck" is subjective, etc, etc. It's now specified that the bakery is struggling and Marinette's kinda poor, and she often kind of feels paranoid it's her fault (even though her parents have never actually told her this), or at least that they'd do better if it wasn't for her. They also often have less time and energy for her as a result of having to work harder to keep above water, which she unfortunately sometimes can't help but take the wrong way. Her misfortune also is what feeds into her need to plan everything, know people's schedules, and generally be a people pleaser. And with it cutting into funding for her fashion hobbies, and with her receiving less positive reinforcement and attention in the first place, she's just... generally sadder and less fulfilled than canon. Adrien meanwhile still lost his mom, but it's the standard "happened right after you got mad and wanted something bad to happen" setup, and now it's another part of why he's always so nice to people, because part of him is still subconsciously worried that he actually *can* influence bad things to happen to people just by hoping for it. Which has also progressed into a general recurrent anxiety over his lifestyle in general, and a fear that being rich at all is depriving and harming others. I also feel like they have altered hero personas and dynamics as a result of all this too Like Lady Noir steadily becomes kind of a show off, previously starved for praise and attention, and has somewhat more of a temper and a mean streak, due to using Lady Noir to unbottle her frustrations with her life. She also kinda resents Mr. Bug (btw, my placeholder rename for him is Scarlet) at first out of envy, especially because at first she kinda feels hurt and insulted by the idea of now having to be the "destructive" hero of "misfortune". Which progresses into a tsundere kinda deal where she's in love, but would rather explode than admit it (in part because she's terrified that if she admits to it and acts on it, she'll just fuck it up anyway) Scarlet still jokes and quips, but Lady Noir's increased volatility kinda taught him to back off early on, and the vibe is more like "concerned for her/trying to cheer her up" than "in love with her". He's also more pacifistic than Chat, and generally a bit more cautious and not as outwardly carefree about heroism in general, because of his increased anxiety about not wanting to make anyone suffer. It's honestly kinda toxic at first, because Lady Noir starts taking the lead (specifically *Scarlet's* idea in the first place, to try and help her loosen up and feel more confident), only for this to kinda backfire on Scarlet, because she becomes kind of bossy and starts blaming him when things go wrong, to protect her own ego. Then, the civilian relationship's also changed in a way that contrasts it. This version of Marinette is... technically into Adrien, but not pursuing or even properly realizing it, because she's so deeply convinced she doesn't deserve him that she represses the hell out of it. But Adrien kinda compensates, because he still feels a similar compulsion to try to cheer her up as Marinette too, especially because Chloe's mean to her, so that makes him feel indirectly guilty because he's Chloe's friend

So the civilian dynamic, ironically, is that they bond much faster, and Marinette follows him around like a meek, docile, undyingly loyal puppy, and will do *anything* he says. But it's *still* kinda unhealthy this way too, even though he's always nice to her. She gets it in her head that he's the only one who can "cancel out" her bad luck, making her get needier and clingier (while also being guilty about it, but not able to stop) And meanwhile, he gets kinda overprotective and smothery, while being the first one to get feelings for her. Partly because caring for her is something he chose for himself, and gives him a sense of actual purpose, compared to his disillusionment with his other responsibilities, partly because she makes him feel special for more than just his status or the stuff he has. So yeah, it DOES all get better, but it's Definitely a "gets worse before it gets better" kinda thing (at the very least, there comes a point where realizing that she's kinda being like Chloe is enough to snap Lady Noir out of the way she treats Scarlet)

[thomatri]

Haikyuu boys and girl as love languages

Synopsis - Haikyuu boys and Yachi<3 as love languages (separately) featuring Karasuno boys pt 2

Paring - Kageyama Tobio, Yachi Hitoka, Yamaguchi Tadashi, Ennoshita Chikara,Nishinoya Yuu

———————————————————————

Yachi Hitoka - words of affirmation

———

Let’s be real this girl is slightly insecure so she be needing some hype sometimes. She’s always complimenting people in her head (cue that scene where Kiyoko is recruiting her to be a manager) but eventually she works up to complimenting you verbally. She’s a bit too nervous for any other love language and even words of affirmation makes her shy but it’s a step in the right direction. She truly cares for you and wants you to know <3

———————————————————————

Kageyama Tobio - quality time

———

He’s a simple man. Movie date at home he’s happy. He personally thinks it’s more effective like why spend a bunch of money going somewhere when there’s perfectly good streaming services payed by someone else. Similar to Yachi he gets flustered by other love languages but quality time is something he feels is the relationship itself which I completely agree.

———————————————————————

Yamaguchi Tadashi - Gift giving

———

Insecure but in a different and objectively sadder way in the relationship. He feels like himself isn’t able to portray his love for you how he wants to so he buys you gifts to show it instead. You try to reassure him that he’s enough but as you guys progress in your relationship he just enjoys giving you gifts especially as he learns your interest and what not more so his gifts are more accurate. Though for some reason I feel like he’d buy you food?

———————————————————————

Ennoshita Chikara - acts of service

———

I think being benched does something to your mental cause he is cannonly insecure because he feels like he’s not good enough and being benched as a second year Sure as hell ain’t helping. Anywho instead of sitting around pun intended he like to do things for you nothing crazy. Y’all favorite thing to do for each other is grocery shopping, Tanaka jokes that y’all like a old couple but you both don’t care. It’s just some classic ol retail therapy. Your dad will joke “is Ennoshita going to the grocery store? Ask him to pick up some bread for us”

———————————————————————

Nishinoya Yuu - physical touch

———

If you read my Shiratorizawa version of this imagine Tendō biting but 5x more. Yes I’m taking the fact Nishinoya bit someone once and making it his thing fight me (actually please don’t) when he does bite you it’s in the comfort of just y’all two and he’ll nibble or just bite you softly it’s basically his version of a kiss. But don’t worry he has plenty of normal kisses which he’s completely fine with doing in public. Always holding hands. And always hugging. After a win or lost he’ll just walk or run depending on the match up to you and hug you and basically hold your hand all the way until you get back to Karasuno. He basically can fit into any love language maybe acts of service and gift giving less but he’s just a big fan of pda. Is it really a Nishinoya relationship if y’all not attached to the hip?

——��————————————————————

Fun au

- these were short so I apologize for that

-not proofread and wrote at 2 am double homocide so I apologize for spelling or grammatical mistakes

- also why tf were these so angsty like half of them were sad 😭 I’m not projecting guys I swear it’s just Conan Gray is getting to me ig 🥀

- I feel like out of all these I wrote Kageyamas was my least fav and I’m surprisingly happy with Ennoshita’s

- also I jus realized Narita and Kinnoshita never played like I get they benched but like damn 😭 felt like they was benched even before the first years

[shslpunkartist99]

Since we all clearly could always use some more angst in general, I shall share some more of it~

So imagine if Rae had somehow managed to escape from Matthew's attempt at "saving" her. Imagine that this happened around the time Morgana was on the constant run from his corrupted cousin.

Now imagine Rae having the misfortunate to encounter Otis during this period when he was searching for Morgana and it so happened to have while she was in the middle of fleeing from the now 50% corrupted Matthew.

Before I continue, I feel the need to mention that Matthew's corruption progress is pretty much at the point where he now has some of the speed, strength, and durability that all corrupted individuals have but 1) isn't at the point where he can speed up the corruption (he doesn't know that tho) and 2) his head is still uncorrupted enough that he can be killed via landing a fatal blow on it.

Anyway, continuing on, Otis was just about to head off to a different part of the city to continue his search for Morgana when he so happen to hear the commotion going a little further down the block.

He ALMOST walked away, not really interested in investigating what might be another struggle between desperate survivors...

Then he hears Rae's desperate cries for help.

Otis immediately takes off and arrives just in time to witness Rae cornered by a partially corrupted Matthew, desperately pleading to her ex-husband to stop while the latter prepares to strike her down, insisting that this was the only way for him to quickly get the corruption within her system and that it'll be okay because it'll keep her from dying!

Otis of course rushes to his aunt's aid, tackling his uncle away from her.

He didn't even stop to think. Doesn't even know that Matthew is also trying to "save" Rae as well. And even if he had known, he would still stop him and it'll be due to a combination of it just being an instinct for him to protect his loved ones, being unable to bring himself to NOT help her after hearing her terrified desperate cries for help from anyone, as well as him fearing that Matthew might accidentally kill her.

But anyhow, Otis tackles Matthew away from Rae and, after a minor scuffle between them, ends up killing the other by slamming his head hard enough against the concrete ground with enough force that it split open.

Rae had taken off again while this was going on but wasn't able to get far due to sheer exhaustion so it didn't take long before Otis was able to catch up to her.

Rae, not realizing the corrupted standing before her is her nephew, nearly breaks down right then and there, expecting the worst about to happen- only to pause when the creature, rather than striking her down as she expected, instead pulls her into a hug. It wasn't until the creature spoke, reassuring her that everything is okay now, does she realizes WHO this creature was and she breaks down crying as she returns the hug, so grateful and relieved that she finally found one of her boys and that he, unlike Matthew, still seems to be of sound mind.

Annnnd this is will I shall stop. I'm certain we already know what will happen to Rae soon after and I figure I'll be nice and not describe it~

Idk what's sadder: the fact that Otis would be the one to corrupt her, or that it would actually be a better fate to be corrupted by him than to die to Matthew

[alonelymidwestdreamer]

fuckin peachy

———

i really thought i could do it

i dont know why

well, no

fuck that

i do know why

i thought i could get my shit together, finally, because people are supporting me

because im not keeping myself in a shitty relationship

because im forcing myself to sit with just myself and learn to be ok with that

because im trying to be a good person

because i was making fucking progress

i was taking steps

someone, maybe everyone, is gonna say that progress isnt linear

but have you ever been forced off road after just getting off a detour, just getting used to a nice straight highway

it doesnt still feel like progress

in fact, it feels like why not take another drink, why not feel good instead of crying over a cancellation

it feels like why not pick that pocket knife back up, why not take a hammer to your knuckles till theyre all purple

why not see if that one girl you ruined ur life for over and over finally has u unblocked

it doesnt feel like progress

it feels like derailment

im losing my fucking mind

ive been watching this show

its sadder than hell but i can’t stop watching it

it reminds me of that girl who i, yk, ruined my life over

she was a pisces

it reminds me of her because it reminds me of all the trauma she sat through with me

it reminds me of being homeless and of my parents fights and my fights with my parents and just

everything

it reminds me of things i buried pretty damn deep

this show triggers the fuck out of me

i cant sit with myself reliving this shit, but she sat through all that with me as it happened

she was the only constant in my life for so many years

but me wanting to get better was the breaking point

that was the line

we used to scream at each other

shed trigger me on purpose when i made her mad

how fucked up is that

but when i wanted to fix myself, when i wanted to create a life that could hold her and i both in it without all the fucking anger

that was that

she still has me blocked

i havent told almost anyone, although now youll all know, but i made a new account, just to try to talk to her

when someones in ur life for so long and so deeply it just feels wrong when they leave

or maybe thats just me

i hadnt talked to her in like two years?

i just wanted to know what her life looks like now

she did not believe that

and shes still mad at me

ig i never realized she ruined her life over me too

when i asked how she was she said “what are you drunk or something?”

i really thought i could do it, i thought i could be ok

i just wanna get drunk

all the time

i wish i was drunk when i messaged her

i wish she was right

i wished a little too hard ig cuz i did start drinking again

i keep pretending its not all i think about

its not that serious, cant be

if it was that serious someone would notice right?

being drunk doesnt even feel great anymore

but if im gonna fuck up by just existing, at least i get an excuse if im shitfaced

i tried so hard

i mean im still trying

but every day i get closer to doing it again and again and again

isnt that embarrassing?

i dont like it, i dont want to

i just also dont like me very much

and who would even care

no one noticed the first time until i told them, i think honestly everyone preferred me buzzed all the time until they knew thats what it was

no one knew i was overdosing in bledsoes room either tho

sitting behind keleah in college algebra trig

the room spinning so violently i thought i was dying

i guess i was dying technically

after, i sat in the rose garden with someone and tried to breathe

i walked my siblings home

i thought i was gonna die

no one even knew

i went home and threw up four or five times

i threw up so much i thought i was gonna suffocate cuz i couldnt catch a breath

my mom didnt even ask why i threw up

so at least its just drinking again

and its not as frequent anyways

fuck i really was doing so good

i swear i was

[aeondeug]

Ok so I made a post about why I didn’t like Gideon initially and I’ve talked to others about it. And I’ve seen a lot of people having the reverse experience. Which is cool, I think. And one I’m not surprised by if I think about how the two characters are introduced initially. Like, maybe Gideon’s humor is dumb but also she’s not the one being like “Oh man, it is time to systematically destroy this woman’s hopes that she has finally done it and escaped from me and my hell planet,” at the start of the book. Harrow is though. Harrow’s intro is very...Harrow. It’s very fitting for what is learned about her later on.

Anyway. I feel a desire to like. Write about the other half of this equation. And why it was that I instantly latched onto Harrow so hard. So like I said in the first post. Harrow’s got STYLE. She’s got like bone jewelry and wears all black and has skull face paint. She uses her own blood as ink for her fountain pen (it being a fountain pen matters) and she gets said blood by stabbing herself in the cheek. Also she’s a necromancer, which is just icing on the cake. Harrow’s entire fashion statement appeals to me as someone raised by a goth who ended up like...Never goth fashion or subculture wise, but someone who was a kid that Dreamed of being goth fashion wise. Alas, I went to a boring uniform school and also was too nervous of such things.

Harrow just LOOKS cool. Harrow is the sort of person that a dumb 13 year old me would have found the coolest and have viewed as like. An Aspiration. Even though she’s kind of a dumbass and also a dick. I was an edgelord of a kid and an edgelord who knew who Bauhaus were before I could read.

So Harrow’s instantly got fashion on her side. And she’s got her attitude. Which is also important. She does things for style and looks. The narration, which is from Gideon’s perspective, describes the fountain pen filling thing as “one of Harrow’s favorite party tricks”, I believe is the quote. When asked about why there are suddenly skulls all over their room her sole answer to this question is “Ambiance”. And she clearly cares about how she looks. Her paint is often described and a point is made that Gideon’s is not as well put on hers. Also? Her outfit? She’s got like. The bone wrist circlet thingies and her bone studs and her bone choker and the fucking bone chest thing that I am forgetting the word for right now. Harrow cares about appearances.

Which also shows in like...She makes a good show of how well read she is. Takes pride in that fact not just privately, but lets people know it. She runs off and tries to stubbornly do a puzzle on her own. The thing to wake her up from her near death stupor from failing in that is something insinuating they are better than her. And she’s still half dying but takes the time to state that, no, SHE is the best necromancer. Harrow’s got an ego and that shows from early on. Through things like how she dresses, how she talks, how she treats Gideon...

And I saw that and I just kind of instantly latched on. While reading early in the book and seeing her do a bitchy thing, I once joked that “Has anyone ever hugged Harrow?” and then jokingly decided that “No. No one’s hugged Harrow before.” This was a joke that I had made as someone with a rather neglectful family in several respects. And as someone whose general well being in their home was decided by how good I appeared in comparison to the other kids. In that sort of situation, not having much else, I took great pride in my being well read. In being Smart. This eventually made me insufferable as hell and that was crushed into the dirt. Either way, depressing story time aside. I made a joke that indicated that, early on, I had pegged Harrow as someone similarly neglected. As someone with a similar lack of anything going on.

Turns out I was right. Her situation’s very different from my own because of course it is. This is a book about space necromancers, after all. But she was a neglected child. One who had to grow up far too fast and who had a very strict and overbearing religious upbringing. Does that sort of thing cause that sort of concern for aesthetics and bitchery? I dunno. But I made a guess, as a joke, and the guess appeared to be right.

Another thing that I made a bet on with this early on was like...The nature of the relationship. They are the only two of their generation on that planet. Gideon is made out immediately to be like an indentured servant of the family. While Harrow is immediately revealed to be a high status fancy nun queen with a fancy title. Harrow’s parents are dead by that point and had been dead for a while. But, I knew, that theoretically they were not dead at some point. A point which Gideon had to be old enough to remember, given some of the comments made. Based on their antagonism towards one another and this set up...

A part of me wondered if like they had in fact had like a Favorite and Unfavorite dynamic as kids. Or I guess not actively wondered but like. The thought was in mind. Because I had grown up as The Favorite in a terrible home which had an Unfavorite. And this makes you a terrible person as a kid. So I saw these very small signs at the start of a book which hides most of the cool Harrow facts and interactions in its latter sections. And was like, on some level like, “Ah. You’re a bitch to her because you’re The Favorite. In part.”

I am kind of always looking for abused and neglected Favorites in fiction. One of my favorite characters is Azula. And I’m very fond of Gamora. I have a tendency to find them and latch onto them because like...I am still working through things. A lot of things. Sometimes seeing it in the things I read makes the stuff I am working through less terrifying. Sometimes it gives me a sense of hope. Either way, seeing a thing that is at least somewhat similar helps. And I look out for it. And Harrow apparently just gave off. The Aura. From the very start.

Because lo and behold, she was neglected as fuck and, indeed, the Favorite while Gideon was an Unfavorite so unfavorited that she was viewed as basically cursed and horrifying. And then Harrow was a mean bastard of a child towards her. And then it turns out that Harrow has like 10,000 weird guilt issues. Some of which involve her treatment of Gideon now because...How on earth could you even like her when you grew up with her? Like. How.

But even before those reveals later on...I had been making my guesses. Enough so that one of my earlier jokes about the book was about how no one ever hugged Harrow and how she is out doing this shit for some sense of fucking acknowledgement for once. Because maybe if you’re acknowledged that like...Will count. As your Actual True Affection quota for the day. Harrow was not just stylish and mysterious. She also had little bits and bobs, either that she revealed herself in her few appearances in the early portion of GtN or which were revealed by way of how Gideon talks about her and acts about her, which hinted towards the basic idea of what Harrow’s deal even was.

I did not guess the exact specifics of Harrow’s deal because who the hell could divine that from the first act of the first book. But I did guess at the core idea laying behind the specifics of that deal. And the deal was that she was the neglected but favored child in a really shitty home, who has ended up with an ungodly amount of guilt issues for her behavior and general existence. And it made her mean, guarded, and protective of her image and it gave her an ego sky high. Which you can all see in the first portion of the book to an extent. Even though she is very scarce in said first portion. Which I think is either a tantalizing mystery of “What the fuck is even your problem, Harrow?” or like just enough info in just the right way for people with a similar experience to go “lol no one hugged you when you were a kid” with a knowing prescience.

[disco-tea]

OK BUT LISTEN HEAR ME OUT

You’ve Got Mail Spuffy AU. And it’s set towards the beginning of S5/in between seasons and they’re still in their “we hate each other’s guts we’re enemies” phase. Well anyway, Spike has discovered the internet and he thought it was neat and chat rooms were fun and there are places he could post poetry without the risk of public humiliation because there’s always somebody there posting worse poetry than him or he could go and find places to talk about literature or literally any of his interests and talk about it without judgment and he likes it because there’s no perceptions attached. He’s not expected to be anything. He’s just a screen name.

So anyway, somehow Buffy finds herself in the chatrooms and she gets to talking to this random screen name and they get along really well. They start talking frequently and it progresses from there. They talk about everything and nothing. They never share any names or personal info but they end up talking about their deepest personal struggles. Their fears their pains their interests. They give each other advice and share little things about their days/lives. And of course this is frickin William, so he’s caught feelings and the longer he talks to her, the more he’s waxing poetic and writing these really long beautiful paragraphs. And Buffy loves that and she’s seriously starting to love him. She loves him because he’s so sweet and funny but there’s also this wry side that loves to tease her. And he loves her because she’s so witty and smart (even though she tries to claim she’s not) and can give it right back to him and also he gets the distinct feeling she’s far sadder and lonelier than anybody in her life realizes. And they just really love talking, because they genuinely get along and feel like they can be themselves.

But of course, neither of them knows who it really is and you get the absolute ridiculous contrast of them arguing and wishing death upon one another in real life but having these deep and intimate conversations later on and they literally regularly complain to each other about each other. And as it progresses, they eventually figure out they live in the same place and agree to meet at a specific table at the Bronze. Well of course, Spike gets there and gets the shock of his life and unlife when he sees Buffy sitting there. He doesn’t approach at first cuz he’s too busy having a full-blown meltdown because it’s all clicking into place. He’s been talking to the freaking Slayer for months. He loves the bloody Slayer. And of course this is the moment that one particular memory of Drusilla in South America comes back to haunt him. He’s loved her all along. Even before he started talking to her.

She’s everywhere, he can’t escape her, she’s haunting him.

He thinks about just leaving because this is a whole can of worms he’s not ready to deal with. Not ready to face. He’s going to leave, but he stops because she looks genuinely upset and sad and keeps constantly looking around. Fidgeting. He suddenly feels awful, because he’s late and she probably thinks she’s been stood up.

He ends up going over to talk to her, but as himself, not as the person she’s waiting to meet, and as expected, she immediately gets annoyed and defensive as soon as she sees him. Tells him to leave but he doesn’t and he eventually pries/annoys her enough that she tells him she’s waiting for someone. Someone who’s nothing like him, and that gets him on the defensive. He says some things, she says some things, and I think it spirals from there and they get into one of their arguments that is not so very different from the FFL one with a mix of everything that was said in Crush and the gist is, “it would never be you, you wouldn’t understand, you’re incapable of love. Go away.”

And then he leaves, knowing that she hates him and he hates her far less than he ever could’ve imagined. And he knows that he can never tell her who he actually is because if she knew really knew who he was, she wouldn’t like him anymore and he’d lose one of the most genuine connections/friendships he’s ever had.

He emails her and tells her he’s sorry he didn’t show and that he can’t explain but he’s more sorry than she’ll ever know. And Buffy thinks that maybe it’s for the better, because she genuinely cares about him and he seems like such a good guy and she wouldn’t want to pull him into her world anyway. So that’s how it goes on. They keep talking and Spike tries to keep his distance. But of course, this is S5 and there’s a hell god on the loose and Spike has accidentally pack bonded with Buffy’s little sister and she needs his help, Buffy needs his help because he’s the only one strong enough to stand a chance against Glory. And against his better judgment, Spike ends up becoming more and more entangled with her life. And through it all, he still emails her. She talks about her problems, her grief over her mom, her fears and her sadness.

And as it all progresses, Spike slowly learns how to talk to Buffy in real life. He starts trying to be better, to do good, to do right, to be the person she simultaneously thinks he is and tells him he could never be. They grow closer and he almost becomes her friend outside of emails. If only because they’re in the thick of it now and the threat of Glory is closer than ever. Sometimes he asks about her friend that she was waiting for, asked if they ever did meet just because he wants to hear her talk about him, talk about him like he’s somebody she could love.

And I think as the season gears up for its climax, Spike accidentally slips up somewhere along the way and Buffy starts to realize that he might just be her dear friend who lives in her inbox. There’s a part of her that wants to immediately think the worst of him, that it’s a sick joke to hurt her because he can’t actually hurt her. But he let himself be tortured by a hell god to keep her and Dawn safe and Buffy is suddenly struck with the terrifying realization that he might actually love her. But he can’t, can he? He’s a monster. He’s a killer. He can’t love without a soul. And yet…she has the emails. Emails of the most loving and beautiful words she’s ever received. Her whole worldview is rocked. She’s terrified.

And in the very last episodes, there’s this tension. The tension of how they both know but aren’t willing to let the other know that they do. But maybe Buffy does say something, or hints at it. Or confronts him a bit about his feelings for her. Maybe their conversation on the stairs goes much the same “I know you’ll never love me, I know that I’m a monster,” but there’s a few additional things that’s maybe something like this.

Something like Spike wishing there was a world where they could’ve met differently. Where she wasn’t Buffy the Vampire Slayer and he wasn’t William the Bloody. Maybe they could’ve just…met. As people rather than enemies. Buffy doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t contradict him either. She wishes that too.

Buffy still dies on the tower.

Spike writes to her all the same, knowing he’ll never get a reply.

Except Buffy does come back.

There are 147 messages in her inbox.

[aizawaslovebot]

Hello idk if you’ll see this or if you’re still accepting request but I wanted to know if you can do an angst male reader where he’s really close to yachi as friends and plays volleyball with the karasuno boys but like he’s ignored and pushed to the side and no one really notices until he leaves the team and moves to Tokyo only to later join the nekoma team and they actually pay attention to him and he kinda has a run in with his old team latter. Sorry if it’s confusing this is my first ask😅

—shadow on the moon

[nekoma x m! reader | karasuno x m! reader]

synopsis: perhaps they relied too much and gave back too less, and this was karma's sign of ending the cycle.

warnings: angst, self-depreciation, + hmm i feel like it's lackluster because i couldn't imagine karasuno doing something like this

words: 1350

—note: i couldn't write the reunion part? idk why i've rewritten it a few times now but i'm not satisfied ㅠㅠ if you want something changed, please tell me!!

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It was ambitious of you to dream of becoming heard when they couldn’t even spare you one glance. 

You didn’t want to place the blame on the team. It wasn’t their fault that you’ve always been hardly in the limelight. It wasn’t their fault that you’ve always been a wallflower. It wasn’t their fault that you could easily be outshined by anyone in the team. 

It was, however, their fault for their inability to notice your presence no matter how hard you tried.

As a middle blocker in Karasuno, it was appalling how they failed to acknowledge you and your prowess— to the point that you even doubted you had the ability to block for the team at all. Communication has never been easy for an introvert like you, who always depended on the possibility of some extrovert adopting you into their social circle. So despite the overflowing hurt built up on the prospect of being casted to the sidelines, always shoved to the benches as a warmer, you were unable to voice anything out. 

This arrangement continued even through your second year with the team. Heck, it even got worse— with the way Hinata, who, no matter how small, easily got the attention of everyone, and Kageyama, a naturally-born genius with a career ahead of him, you were easily overshadowed by first years of all people. 

Truthfully, you should’ve been in Nekoma High right now. At the end of your first year at Karasuno, your dad was promoted and was given the privilege of an apartment in Tokyo for easier access to his new work. You were very naive to push the move to months later, desperately hoping for at least acknowledgement from the team, that they recognize you as one of their middle blockers. 

It wasn’t the case at all. Were you that replaceable? Were you that insignificant to the team? Were you that unnoticeable? Were you so useless that they won’t even miss you at all? 

Perhaps he could take back that last thought. 

A very kindhearted first year managed to notice you, introvertedness and all. Yachi Hitoka had come to be someone very dear to you, someone who had always been ignored. You were not used to the attention she gave you but you managed to get used to her warmth. The way she’d greet you first out of anyone in the gym or the way she fretted whenever you needed to be bandaged on the rare days you get to play— everything about her was warm. 

And you’d be forever grateful for the kindness, the attention, and the love she had extended for someone as unnoticeable as you. 

Sadly, all the tears can’t be prevented. Even as Yachi rushed to see you one last time before your departure, nothing can’t stop the inevitable partition between a wall-flower like you and the continuously developing crows. You couldn’t help noticing the way only she had come to see you one last time, but you swallowed it all once you remembered you chose not to tell anyone else. 

It’s not like they cared anyway. 

But, there’s no use dwelling on the past. You’re far happier where you are today— with a family who always made it upon themselves to vocalize their recognition for the immense talent you had. 

You had met the members of Nekoma twice: on that one game on the last day of golden week and during the training camp in Tokyo. Sure, you weren’t actually given the chance to play that much but you were beyond amazed at their prowess. No one seemed to outshine anyone in the team and everyone worked harmoniously regardless of their skill level. What you silently wished for, the chance of having a team like that, actually came true. 

The day you joined them was memorable, far more memorable than you’ve ever imagined. 

“Y-You’re K-Karasuno’s middle blocker!” Number 7, Inuoka, you think, gasped when you entered the gym with Coach Nekomata and Coach Naoi.

Taken aback at how you, of all people, were easily recognized, you staggered in embarrassment. You hid behind Coach Naoi which caused the two coaches to snort or laugh because of your actions.

Lev perked up in curiosity, vaguely remembering a middle blocker from the last training camp who, despite the way he stood out from the rest, wasn’t actually a starter. Stumbling like a deer who was recently born into the world, Lev ran up to you with sparkling eyes. However, it was really a scary sight if anyone were in your shoes. 

“Why are you at Nekoma? Why weren’t you a starter? How come I’m taller than you but you’re better? Is there a se—” Yaku, the one who was like Suga-senpai, grinned wryly and dragged the excitable first year away from you after he apologized. 

After hearing the coach’s announcement regarding your transfer, Kuroo smirked. 

“It looks like Karasuno carelessly let someone as talented as you go.”

Judging from the way you flinched, Kenma immediately concluded there was more to it so he kicked the captain’s shin without regard. 

“A-ah… They don’t really notice me at all,” was your quiet reply, which took everyone by surprise. 

“EHH?! Well, we’ll take care of you! Welcome to Nekoma, (L-(L/N)-san!!” Yamamoto cheered, though he faltered when he shyly uttered your name. 

The team was far more accepting, you mused, as you were unable to stop the comparison from your former team. It wasn’t that Karasuno was all high and mighty— they just couldn’t make it feel like you were a part of them and for so long, you figured it was because of how you were behind everyone else. 

Nekoma reminded you that despite that, if that were really the case, you weren’t alone. They like to exaggerate by saying you were really talented, and you were, and it made you feel like you were having progress— like you were part of the family. 

While you slowly began to progress from your past, the flock of crows weren’t doing so well. In fact, they weren’t doing good at all. When Yachi arrived to practice, right after the day you left, no one could deny the drop in her mood. Something was wrong but no one could place it. 

Their ignorance only made Yachi even sadder. 

Their realization came later than anyone ever wanted. No one could deny the decline in their defense. After all, they had always been too complacent— relying on the shadow of which they were sure was there to block in place of others. Perhaps they relied too much and gave back too less, and this was karma’s sign of ending the cycle. The shadow of which they relied on has found its light, leaving everyone else in the dark. 

The quality of Karasuno’s plays slowly declined and it shone through during their practice match with Dateko before they leave for Tokyo. There’s nothing they could do though. After hearing from Kenma that their middle blocker transferred to them— to their fated rival, of all people— the mood amongst the members dropped. They can’t be like the protagonists in coming of age movies where limits are non-existent or main characters who, despite all odds and flaws, get to reunite with their love interest. They know that they’re living in reality and reality has made it a point to tell them how big of a mistake it was to underestimate you, your skills, and your being.

No one would expect, not even Coach Ukai or Coach Takeda, that you had been so hurt all this time. All they could do is wait for the day that the fated rivals battle it off in court, and this time, you stand on the opposite side. 

It was ambitious of you to dream that you would be heard, but not a single soul can stop a dreamer from reaching their goals. It was ambitious to dream that they would finally realize your worth but you succeeded. So as they weep in regret and sorrow over their late revelation, you finally stand proud with the family you always wanted.

—reblogging helps, thank youu!!

[junicai]

what i made.

| order no. | 7/21

| summary | With a new Japanese member in their midst, Aria knows that he must be feeling homesick. So, she takes it upon herself to try to alleviate as much of it as she can.

| word count | 1.7k

| warnings | sickening fluff

| era | circa. January 2021

“Are you coming?” Aria had her phone held between her ear and her shoulder, scooping two reusable plastic bags from the countertop as she moved past. There was a small clinking sound and she paused, peering into the bag to make sure the glass containers hadn’t chipped off each other. 

Doyoung would have her head. 

Satisfied that there was no shattering, Aria moved again, snagging her coat as she pushed past in her free hand. Yuta hummed on the other end of the phone. 

“Yeah, I’m about to leave.” Aria could hear him rustling about on the other end of the line. 

“His apartment is the second one on the third floor remember - he told me Sungchan was going somewhere with Jungwoo, shopping I think?” Aria paused to think. “Anyway, he’s gone all afternoon, so Taro is alone.”

The shuffling paused on the other end of the line. “He’s been quiet with you too, right? It’s not just me?” Yuta asked. 

Aria hummed sadly. “Yeah, it’s not just you.” She pulled the door firmly closed behind her, only moving away when it signified that it had been locked with a beep. 

Living in the Dreamie dorms again had been a change. A nice change, don’t get her wrong, but for the last year she’d been spending most of her time in the 127 dorms. Now, with the Dream comeback on the horizon, she’d moved back into her old room - happy to see that the fairy lights she’d installed (meaning: stuck onto the walls with sellotape) were still functioning after she’d changed the batteries. 

“Remember how I got? Right after debut?” Aria questioned, now moving away from the doorway and into the hallway. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Aria replied. “I think he’s just gotten homesick - it happened to me, and I hadn’t been training for that long before debut.” 

“Makes sense. It’s probably harder because he’s older as well - the pressure might be getting to him.” Yuta’s voice was growing sadder, so Aria interrupted him before he himself could get down. 

“So!” She cheered, lifting up the bag of ingredients that was hanging in the crook of her arm. “We go and we cheer our last musketeer up.” 

“I told you not to call us that.” 

“Why not!” 

Aria giggled as Yuta began to list out the numerous reasons why he hated that nickname, tucking the phone into the other crook of her neck as one side began to cramp up.

She entertained the man with small hums and little rebuttals every now and then, walking out of the left apartment wing and into the right; where Shotaro and Sungchan’s apartment was located.

SM had moved their dorms into one apartment building for Mark, Aria and Donghyuck’s peace of mind. And also theirs. There had been several incidents of Donghyuck and Aria dashing down to the Dreamie dorm at one in the morning to grab something; and it was going to give their managers grey hair if something wasn’t done about it. 

Now, the larger apartment block they all lived in had two wings; the right wing, where the two 127 dorms were located, as well as Shotaro and Sungchan’s, and then the left - where the Dream dorms were. WayV was still in a separate apartment building, much to the entire group’s irritation, but it was a work in progress. 

As Aria stepped out of the elevator onto the third floor to see Yuta already standing outside Shotaro’s apartment door, she pulled her phone out from beneath her ear and hung up without warning.

She snickered at Yuta’s face when the man realized he had been hung up on, and just as he was about to click redial, she popped up behind him. 

“You were saying? Mr. Musketeer?” 

Yuta rolled his eyes. “Akari, you’re asking for it now.” 

Aria gently pushed past him, knocking twice on the door. She turned to face him afterwards, batting her eyelashes innocently. “I’m doing nothing at all- Taro! Hi!” 

Shotaro opened the door with bleary eyes, blinking at the light that blinded him slightly. The apartment behind him was dark, no lights on, and by the state of his hair Aria could infer that they’d just woken the boy up. 

“Hm? Akari?” Shotaro blinked sleepily at her. “What time is it?” 

Aria bit her lip to stop the smile growing across her face. “It’s almost two in the afternoon, Taro.” 

Shotaro blinked rapidly at that, clearing the fog of sleep from his eyes. “Oh! Is it? Sorry!” He opened the door wider, flicking on the lights after his two members walked in. 

Aria held up the two bags on her arm. “Can I put these down somewhere? I think my hand is slowly losing circulation.” 

Shotaro gestured towards the table that was partly covered in old newspapers. At a closer glance, the newspaper had a few spots of dried paint in various bright colours. She looked back to him. “Sungchan’s newest artistic endeavor go well?” 

“Yeah!” Shotaro pointed towards where an old ripped t-shirt was hanging off the back of a door - a small graphic square had been painted on in haphazard lines. “He’s really proud of it.” 

“He should be,” Yuta stepped forward to examine it further. “It’s really good.” 

Aria dropped the two bags onto the clean side of the table, rubbing her hands together to get the blood flowing back into her fingertips. “Ok!” She exclaimed, turning to face the two men. 

“I,” She began, poking herself in the chest, “Have a little surprise for the both of you.” 

Yuta’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Me?” He mouthed, pointing to himself in a question. Aria nodded.

“But! I need the kitchen to do it, so go, shoo. Get out.” She waved at the two boys, shooing them out of the kitchen.

Shotaro whined at her slightly. “But I could help?” 

“Then it defeats the purpose of a surprise, doesn’t it?” 

He opened his mouth before closing it, frowning at the ground. Aria waved at him. “Go go. I’ll be done quickly.” 

Once the two boys had disappeared into the main living room, Aria returned to the two bags on the table and slowly began to pull out the ingredients. The red bean paste that she’d made the night previous was packed away in one of Doyoung’s glass boxes for food, and she was careful to place it near the wall and out of the way of where she might knock into it. 

Dorayaki. The red bean pancake had been something she loved as a child, and Yuta held similar sentiments. She could only hope that Shotaro did as well - because at this point, it was almost a ritual for the original two Japanese members to go out and buy dorayaki when one or both of them were feeling off. 

With the filling set aside, Aria moved quickly to set up a small work station beside the hob, pulling out a mixing bowl and a whisk.

The eggs went into the bowl, followed by honey and sugar. They were stirred together quickly, combining in a matter of under a minute.

Next, came the flour, which was to be sifted in slowly. 

“Sieve, sieve.” Aria mumbled to herself, pulling open and closing drawers periodically. “Where would they keep a sieve?” 

She contemplated asking Shotaro for a minute, but ultimately scrapped that idea and chastised herself lightly. “They’re teenage boys, Akari. They’re not going to own a sieve.”

With that, she had to make do; using two forks laid over each other and pouring the flour mixture very slowly into the eggs. It was messy, and she got more flour on the counter than in the bowl, but it worked out for the most part.

Aria set the bowl aside as she turned on the electric rings, letting them heat up. The boys only had a small frying pan, that she could do nothing but pray was non-stick; and Aria winced at the thought that this might take a little bit longer than she’d hoped. 

She strained her ears for a moment, comforting herself with the fact that the two boys seemed engrossed in a conversation, and weren’t missing her presence too much for the time being. 

The mixture was poured on one by one, and gradually Aria amassed a sizeable stack of small, circular pancake shapes on the plate beside her. Then, it was only a matter of making a small mountain shape on the inside, before putting a second pancake on top - like a little hat.

She sealed the edges of each dorayaki, placing them on a plate. 

“Taro? Yuta? Do you want to come on in here?” She raised her voice, hoping that they’d hear her. 

“Yeah? What’s up?” Taro was the first to appear, his eyes curious before they caught sight of the plate held in Aria’s hands. 

His face lit up like a lightbulb, and his mouth dropped slightly. “You did not.” 

“I did.” Aria grinned. 

“Hey, look at you go little baker.” Yuta came over to snag one from the top of the plate, and had his hand batted away.

“Stop it, they’re for Taro. He gets one first.” Aria scolded, and Yuta backed away with his hands up. 

Shotaro, on his end, looked like he was about to cry. “F-for me? Really?” He gnawed at his bottom lip. 

Aria placed the plate down on the counter, moving to wrap the slightly younger boy in a hug. “Yeah, for you. Consider this your official initiation to the j-line. Very exclusive club. You’re the first member to be added since 2016.” She pulled back with a wide grin. 

Yuta joined the group hug, longer arms encircling both Shotaro and Aria where they stood. “You’re never getting rid of us now, Taro.” He teased. “We know your apartment passcode."

The trio stood quietly, smiles on all their faces until the dorayaki went cold on the plate. 

Not a single one of them cared; and if Sungchan came home to Yuta lying on the floor with Shotaro lying curled up to his left side, and Aria lying across his lap with her hand tangled in Shotaro’s - all three, fast asleep - and took a picture to send to Jungwoo for blackmail? 

Then that’s between the apartment walls, and him. 

[remcycl333]

hi, peach anon here. So I read your awnsers on your manif mentality and I absolutely love it. That’s why I’m going to approach apply it to my lifestyle too. Inner conversations and saying it’s done! I just finished being in the 4D for an hour and I feel so good because i created good memories, why leave the past bad when it’s easier to move on if it was good or easier? Either way, I will know how much I’ve grown. And persisting has also been much easier, once you get stubborn and just say yes to all the positive and instead doubt all the negative ( why wouldn’t it happen to me lol?) it gets so much more fun!!! Thank you for all the insights! These must be to ones that resonated the most with me! Going to persist in this <3. On a sadder note, I once told my bff who has the same mental disorder about manifesting in hopes that she could also manifest the best life for herself but she keeps saying it’s just a coping mechanism. I love but choose to ignore her response because it hurts and I don’t want to doubt myself anymore. Right now I’m more convinced than anything that the law is whole and perfect, that for me anything is possible because I am it’s operator. After the last time we talked, she send me a video about how gen z is obsessed with the lie that is manifesting. I bet she did it out of good spirits because I have been down because I was desperately focusing on making progress. But if only she knew how she is following the people with the wrong mentality… I’m not going to bother anymore, in the end all will turn out better for me and since I scripted her in my other reality ( it’s done) we will still remain friends . Hugs and kisses, Peach 🧡

hi Peach! 🤍 im glad that my blog has helped u!! manifesting is supposed to be fun in my humble opinion and im happy ur having fun with it!!

as for your friend, it sucks that she doesn't believe but sadly that's kinda common :/ while we know that manifestation is just a natural part of life, when u first hear about it it sounds magical and too good to be true. it honestly takes a brave person to be able to say "hey this might actually be real, lets test it!" my closest friends don't think manifesting is real either, no matter how many things i manifest right in front of their eyes. but i dont let that bother me bc i've proven the law is real to myself so many times. u guys can still be friends and if anything, u can just manifest her believing in manifestation! but her lack of belief doesn't affect your ability at all, so don't waste your energy arguing with her. in time she'll realize u were right 🤍

[el-gilliath]

Maybe Forever

I did two remixes this year, and for @rnmremix I took on @daughterofelros and her story Maybe Someday which is about Michael plantsitting Alex’s plants. I turned it around, and this has Alex plantsitting Michael’s plants. I angsted in this, but the ending is still happy. Happy reading!

Ao3

It takes him by surprise when he gets the question, as it’s something he never thought Michael would ever be a fan of. Not because it’s wrong, immoral, strange or anything like that. He just didn’t expect it. Because, you know, it’s... Plants. Green things with foliage and sometimes flowers in all different shapes and sizes. Michael is rough, wild curly hair, motor oil, science and sass. Plants don't seem like something he would enjoy or care about. But here he is, down in Michael’s bunker where plants really shouldn’t thrive. But they are. Thriving, that is. Growing wild and beautiful in what is seemingly organized chaos around Michael’s science equipment and feats of mechanical engineering.

“This is what you want me to watch for you? Plants?” he asks incredulously as he looks around.

“Yeah? Something wrong with plants?”

He can hear the defensiveness in Michael’s tone of voice, and he flinches minutely. “That’s not what I meant, Guerin. I’m just surprised. I didn’t know you had them, especially down here.”

“There's nothing wrong with keeping plants down here you know.”

“I know that,” Alex says, his own tone becoming more defensive. “I’m surprised you have plants, I didn’t know that would interest you. That’s all.”

“I can have hobbies you know,” Michael replies, looking like he’s already regretting asking Alex to water them while he’s gone for a week.

Alex just looks at him, eyebrows lifting at the way Michael is acting, wondering if they can ever be close again without bickering. Michael seems to realize it too, as his posture relaxes with a deep sigh. He’s visibly calming himself down, and Alex can’t help but admire how easily he does it. Especially since he knows it isn’t easy at all for Michael, so used to keeping the charade that keeps him and his family safe up at all times.

“Sorry. I’m being defensive for no damn reason over here.” Michael sighs again, impossibly deeper this time. Like sighing takes deep stress away from him. Maybe it does, for all Alex knows. “My mom kept plants, and could grow them with her powers. I… I wanted to try it too.”

“You’re doing a great job,” Alex says, smiling at him. It’s tentative, but honest. Real. “And I’m sorry too, I was honestly just surprised, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about it.”

“It’s okay.” Michael smiles in return. “So. You think you could be up for it?”

“Yeah, I’ll watch over them. No promises they’ll be alive when you get back though.”

“Nah, you’re Alex Manes. You can do anything.”

The smile on Alex’s face turns wry, probably a bit unsure. It’s not true, in so many ways. But he appreciates what Michael is trying to do. The confidence he’s trying to instill in the face of a task Alex has never had before. Michael knows how uneasy he is when it comes to situations like this. But he’ll power through like he always does. Especially for Michael. And it’s plants. It can’t be that hard.

-----

He quickly finds that he’s wrong. So damned wrong. He has no idea how Michael created a thriving garden in the dark bunker but it quickly becomes apparent that Alex cannot do the same thing. He can water them and trim them if needed but three days into Michael’s week away from Roswell and they’re starting to droop. Sad, missing Michael, drooping. The worst part is he knows how they feel. And his life has officially turned even weirder now that he’s sympathizing with plants. But he can’t help but feel for them, as the flowers lose a little of their shine the longer Michael is away, how the leaves aren’t quite as green. Their person isn’t there anymore. Maybe they’ve given up on Michael coming back.

Kind of like Alex has. Oh, he knows Michael is coming back to town, he’s only in Albuquerque for a week with Isobel. But as the days grow longer the plants still turn sadder.

If he can’t do this one thing for Michael, how can he ever hope to get him back. In the way he wants, in the way it matters. Back in his arms, his life, preferably one day his, or even their, house. After Maria, after Forrest, after his dad.

Realizing he wanted Michael officially back, out, proud and completely took a long time. The knowledge of it not so hard, the need and want harder. They’ve wasted time, so much damn time. And here he is, surrounded by green and yellow and blue, things so important to Michael because his mom was supposedly good at it. And Alex is having the hardest time keeping them alive and well. It’s making him feel like his dad, trapping aliens behind glass walls and torturing them for kicks.

He just wants to do this right. Then maybe, just maybe, he can find the courage within to tell Michael his hopes. But it’s not looking too good. He’s tried everything, watering, giving them lots of light, talking to them, hanging out in the bunker in case it’ll help. But so far it’s not working and the plants just droop more by the hour. Michael coming home is still three days away, they’ll end up being dead if he can’t fix this. And he fears whatever progress they’ve made will die with them.

He’s out of options though, he doesn't know what to try next. He’s not an alien, he doesn’t have powers nor gifts with anything besides guns and computers. Neither which will be handy here. He looks around desperate to find something that can help.

He doesn’t expect to spot a guitar. The same guitar he tried gifting to Michael which failed desperately. The same guitar he regifted him later, after Maria, after Forrest. When death of loved ones and broken hearts weren’t between them. When they could actually call each other friends. Regardless if that friendship was still fraught with tension, a will they or won’t they that still weighs heavily on them. Even when they try to push past it and just be.

But the guitar means much to them. Music in general means much to them. Maybe it’ll help.

He picks it up gently, taking it out of its case with great care before running his hand over it and smiles. The strings have just been changed, Michael has been taking good care of it. Something eases inside of him when he sees that, though he doesn’t quite understand why. The guitar isn’t a symbol of their relationship, Michael making sure the guitar is in tip top shape doesn’t really mean anything. It just means he likes playing. It still brings a tingle to the pit of his stomach which he crushes swiftly and surely. There’s no point in useless hope.

He brings it over to the chair by Michael’s drawing board and sits down, settling it gently on his legs and making sure no pressure is on his prosthesis as he sits with the guitar. He takes a few deep breaths before he strums. Of course the guitar is finely tuned.

He still checks everything before softly starting to play. He’s played Wonderwall a thousand times, he’s sick as hell of it but he still plays it first every time he picks up a guitar. Old habits are hard to break. He plays bits of the melody to warm up, humming alongside it as he does. Five minutes in, he’s relaxed, he’s more settled, he feels good.

He drifts from Wonderwall, eyes closing as he moves over to various songs from Breaking Benjamin, stripped down versions of My Chemical Romance, seamlessly switching to Blink 182, Placebo, Snow Patrol and The Strokes. He loses himself in A Perfect Circle, in Third Eye Blind and The Cranberries, resurfacing after he’s hit Linkin Park, Gavin Degraw, Panic! At the Disco and the odd Spice Girls song just to switch it up.

He lets the last note fall as he breathes out, smiling at the peace he feels just from the instrument in his hands, his voice slightly raspy from singing and the contentment of being wanted and free in Michael’s space. He smiles to himself, taking another deep breath as he opens his eyes again, looking at his watch to find that almost three hours has passed since he started playing. He’s not surprised though, music has always been the place he felt the most free, the most able to be himself.

He takes another deep breath, briefly closing his eyes again as he centers himself before he looks up at the plants. They look the same, but no worse either, so he figures he’s done all he can for the day. He decides to go home for the night, he’ll come back tomorrow and continue trying his best to keep them alive. He doesn’t want to fail now.

———

The shock comes when he gets down the ladder the next evening after a gruelling day at the base. He comes down expecting the plants to be their usual droopy selves but instead he finds them perked up, their foliage nice and green, the flowers shining and pretty. He almost calls out Michael’s name to check if he’s there, but he knows he’s not, having talked to him just an hour earlier. He’s still in Albuquerque, still there for a couple days with Isobel and the newly arrived Max. Just three aliens in the big city, he’d joked, Max hissing at him to keep his voice down in the background while Isobel laughed. They deserve the time away to just be siblings, after everything. But the thrill of Michael calling him still sits in his brain, making him smile.

But there’s still the mystery of the plants. Happier plants. Plants who don’t look like they’re on the brink of giving up. And the only thing he did differently was playing guitar and singing. Maybe that’s how Michael keeps them happy. He decides not to mistrust his instincts the way he usually does and after checking the soil and making sure everything else is okay he gets out the guitar again. He still starts with Wonderwall, still hates it, still can’t break the habit. But he moves along faster than yesterday, switching to other songs of Oasis, moving along to Death Cab for Cutie, The White Stripes, Stereophonics and HIM, before jumping over to Shinedown, Muse, Journey and Creed. He plays for hours like yesterday, loves every minute of it, and feels more relaxed when he opens his eyes again at the end and sees the plants visibly better in front of his eyes.

He laughs to himself, a laugh filled with more desperation and relief than he wants to admit. But it’s okay. Maybe he can do this.

———

He spends hours down in the bunker the next two days, playing everything and anything he has in his repertoire, rediscovering the love he has for the music he grew up with and feeling the thrill of just his hands, his voice and the guitar, surrounded by Michael’s space, Michael’s plants, Michael’s mechanics. He’s surrounded in every way by Michael Guerin, and his own wants, hopes and dreams for the man and what he longs for them to become. He’s spent years away from Roswell and Michael before but now, after one week of him gone, after one week of his voice in his ears as they talk and laugh on the phone until Isobel or Max drags him away, he misses him. Misses everything that they were, everything that they are, everything that they’re heading for. And Alex knows where they’re headed, now. Knows where he wants them to head.

He’s there when he hears Michael’s truck, still playing guitar, strumming along on notes shaping up to be another song, the melody forming underneath his fingers as words form in his head. He doesn’t stop playing, but instead listens as the truck stops and Michael gets out, as his heavy steps move towards the bunker and down the ladder. He opens his eyes as Michael stops, watches him with a smile forming as Michael stares at him and the plants in awe.

“Damn Alex, I’d have stayed home if I knew listening to you play was on the menu.”

Alex snorts, stopping his strumming and placing the guitar back in the case before he gets up on his feet. “It was the only thing I could think of to keep them alive. We had a few dicey days before I started playing, and apparently they liked it.”

“You’re a good player, Alex, no wonder they liked it.”

Alex smiles, taking a step closer to Michael. “Maybe. I’m just glad I got to be here, it’s been fun.”

Michael tilts his head in that inquisitive way of his, but Alex just shakes his head. His revelations and discoveries are too heavy for this moment, he’ll get to them eventually. Michael nods, understanding without needing words that this is something to be left for now. They’re good at that, easy, silent communication. Too bad they kind of suck at the harder communication, but that’s all fixable.

“Hey. Thanks for doing this.”

“Any time, Michael.” Alex looks down for a second. “I’m happy you trusted me with this.”

“I had no doubts you could do it. The doubts were all yours.”

Alex can’t deny that’s true. But here, in the bunker, surrounded by plants and Michael smiling at him in his carefree and relaxed way, Alex feels another doubt snap. And before he lets himself second guess it, he steps forward and cradles Michael’s face in his hands. He sees the look of shock, but also the hope that blooms in Michael’s eyes and pulls him softly towards him in case Michael pulls back. But he doesn’t have to worry, Michael pushes forward as easily as Alex pulls and their lips meet softly. It’s a sweet kiss, a familiar one, but no less exciting with no small amount of fireworks firing in the pit of Alex’s belly as Michael puts his arms around his waist and pulls him closer still. It’s everything Alex wanted, everything he needs, the appreciation and love for Michael flaring as their first kiss in a long time keeps on going.

It turns from sweet to needy, to wanting, to unbelievably hot quickly, but that’s always the way it is with them. They can’t help but want each other in all ways. They both break apart at the same time, moving away from the kiss but not from each other, leaning their foreheads together as they smile and laugh at each other, their happiness bubbling between them. It’s never a question if both of them want it, they already know that. Maybe this time they can have it too.

“So,” Michael says after a while. “My plants decided to try and die on you and you got them back by singing and playing to them? How’s you figure that out?”

“Well.” Alex sneaks another kiss just because he can, a thrill going through him as Michael hums in a happy tone. “I figured you sang to them. You know, since your guitar was down here.”

Michael pulls back and gives him a puzzled look. “Alex, I live in an old airstream in the middle of a junkyard. I keep it down here so it won’t be stolen.”

“Oh,” Alex says. “I didn’t even think of that.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” Michael kisses him again. “I’m glad you can afford not to.”

“Guerin-”

“No, Alex. Your life has been shitty enough, be happy you don’t have to worry about that too.”

“How about...” Alex pauses, gathering his courage. “How about you keep it at my place? It’ll be safe there too.”

“Oh yeah?” The smile Michael gives him is blinding, beautiful. Happy. “You wouldn’t mind having me in your space?”

Alex smiles in return. He leans in, kissing Michael dirty and hot, the way both of them want it. ”I definitely wouldn’t. I’ll even take the plants, if you want to.”

He smiles wider as Michael laughs, head thrown back with unruly curls bouncing as he does. They need to talk, figure them out and take it day by day. But he’s so gorgeous, and Alex wants to keep him forever. Him and the green things who are perking up even more in Michael’s presence. And here he thought they were bonding.

“The guitar first. The plants we can talk about down the line,” Michael replies when he finally stops laughing. He tilts his head forward, looking at Alex through long lashes. Alex feels the same want bubbling in his stomach as always. He wants Michael in his bed, in his kitchen, in his living room. He wants him close, he wants them to be good. Together. They have a long way to go still, but it feels like a beginning. It feels like hope.

“I’d like that.”

[themadauthorshatter]

... I’ve already made a draft of this and deleted it, but I’m going back in. 

This is an AU of what would happen if Mareven was healthy and the end game. 

I apologize in advance for any and all MareCal shippers, including myself. 

SO! What happens? 

Simple. 

Everything remains mostly the same in the story except we get more of a doubtful and uneasy Maven as the story progresses, as in he hugs Mare a little longer and is genuinely perturbed when he hears about the ‘bomb’ that went off and looks terrified of Cal when he returns and orders Farley to be tortured. He’s also more hesitant to listen to his mother. 

He still offers Cal’s legion to the Guard, but is a little sadder to say it. 

THEN WE GET TO THE PLOT TWIST OF THE STORY!!!!!!!!!

Maven plays along, but, as he stands by his mother’s side, he mouths, “sorry” to Mare and goes for a gun on Arven’s belt, shooting him in the leg and warning him not to try silencing him or he’ll aim for something more vital. 

It catches EVERYONE off guard, especially Elara, who’s about to risk having Cal or Tibe out of her whispers to get Maven back in line. 

Instead, Elara asks what he’s doing and why, as she thought this was what he’d always wanted. 

“It’s what you want, Mother. Not me. None of this is right. You’re already the Queen. What else do you want!?” 

Elara bares her teeth. “Are you saying you want to live your days with a Red rat?” 

Maven pulls Mare to her feet and pushes her behind him, keeping the gun at them, nodding. “I’m saying I'm not following your plans or listening to anything you have to say. I'll die before I let you in my head again!” 

Well, wish granted because Mare senses the cameras turning back on and Elara lets Tibe and Cal go.

Only to force Maven to shoot her and Tibe, though Maven actually misses him.

Mare breaks free and they make a run for it, Elara shouting that they are traitors and to arrest them, though she does force Tibe to play the part of concerned husband.

Cal isn't in the room because he races after Maven and Mare.

Speaking of which, Maven leads Mare through the castle and finds a hall that goes toward a servant's passage, so they can escape.

Too bad there are guards that round the corner and take aim at them, not only for staging a coup de ta, but also for attempted regicide.

Cal's there too, aiming a handgun at them and telling them to submit to arrest.

They do and are sent to the Silent Stone cells.

Mare is confused and livid and doesn't want to talk to Maven, who keeps pacing and clutching his head and telling someone to be quiet. 

Mare mentally tells him to maybe practice what he’s preaching, but wonders what the hell all that was when they were captured. 

Maven sighs and sits down, back-to-back with Mare, and asks her how good she is at picking locks. 

Her hands are for picking pockets, not locks. 

Maven lets out a semi-bitter chuckle and regards that he shouldn’t have bothered asking because of course she’s better at pockets. he then admits that he’d been so scared of the cells as a boy, his young mind tricking him into thinking that there were monsters or prisoners in the cells. 

Speaking of the cells, Mare breaks her silence and asks why it’s so hard for her to use her powers, even asking if Arven is close by listening to them. 

Maven admits it would be useful to do that, but no. The cells are made of Silent Stone, which is basically Arven being there without him really being there. 

Although she already knows what’s going to happen, Mare wonders what will happen to them, in the Bowl of Bones. 

Maven lists off a firing squad, some Silvers, maybe some animals, and the fact that no matter what, the show will not be short; the people want blood and Tibe is going to give them blood, even if it’s his own son’s. 

“Not if he can’t find you.” 

Both Mare and Maven stand as Cal walks in, dressed formally and holding a set of keys to the cells. 

Maven asks what this is and what Cal’s doing as he opens both Maven’s and Mare’s cells. 

Cal explains that he’s already had to give Julian a head start and hopes that Maven and mare can do the same, can vanish into thin air before their execution. 

Mare asks why they should accept the help, seeing as Cal’s the one who arrested them, but Cal counters by asking who’s idea it was to get them arrested, glaring daggers at Maven. 

Maven has his own question: How does Cal know they won’t be seen? 

Cal looks away and admits that he hopes there aren’t any Red servants that know how to fix the security system.

Maven and Mare exchange a glance and start walking, but Cal gets between them, shackles them, and grabs their arms, telling them to play along and make it convincing so no one questions anything. 

They both do their best reluctant prisoners act up until they pass by Sonya, who inquires as to where Cal’s taking them. 

Cal states he’s just taking them to get some cardio before their execution, seeing as how they’ll need every ounce of strength they’ll need. 

Sonya spits that they shouldn’t and should actually fight with nooses around their necks so they’re easier to grab and throw around, but drops it anyway, eying Cal before she leaves. 

Time’s almost up, so it’s a good thing Maven leads Cal to a servant passage, where they stop and get free, Maven getting his flame-maker bracelets back. 

Maven opens the passage, but Cal stops him and Mare, telling them to be careful now, because if they manage to escape, they’ll be fugitives and will get hunted like deer for treason, Maven for attempted regicide, from what narrative that now exists. 

They nod and thank him for the help. 

Before Mare can follow Maven, Cal grabs her arm again, which makes Mare turn to him. 

The two stare at each other, realizing what’s happening and what’s going to happen. 

The royals will figure out that Cal helped them escape and will probably have him killed for letting two traitors run free. 

Cal is the one who helped her in the first place by getting her the job at the Summer Palace, and now he’s saving her life again, this time also saving his brother’s and risking his own. 

Maven shouts for Mare to keep it moving and Mare pulls out of Cal’s grip, backs away, and races after Maven, Cal watching her leave before closing the passage. 

His face contorts with sorrow, regret, anger, and pain and he clenches a fist as he hears a sentinel shout that Mare and Maven are missing. 

Cal shouts, “They’re this way!” and races down the hallway and away from the bookshelf, trying to make it look like they outran him. 

In the passage, Maven leads Mare by the hand as they soon find themselves underground and under the streets, overhearing an announcement to keep an eye out for the two of them because both are armed and dangerous, Mare especially. 

Maven groans at his father’s words and muses that at least they’re out. 

Mare isn’t as relieved and asks what he was planning with his mother. 

Maven stops in his steps and states that she already knows. 

Mare does know, she just wants to hear Maven say it. 

Maven bites his tongue and clenches his fist at his side, not turning to face Mare as he asks what will happen if he doesn’t tell her. 

She’ll make him tell her, make him talk or she’ll shock him until he dies. 

Maven  tightens his fist but then drops it, admitting he and Elara planned on killing Tibe and using Mare and Cal as scapegoats, sending them to the Bowl of Bones, and having them executed to wrap up the story and solidify Maven as the new King, with no Scarlet Guard and no loose ends to ensure the story of Mare being a Red would slip out. 

Mare demands he define ‘loose ends.’ 

Lady Blonos. The servant girls who dressed Mare as a Silver. Lucas. Julian. Sara. Mare’s family. Kilorn. Cal. Mare herself. All the Reds on the list Julian gave her. 

Mare gasps at that last one, sliding down a wall as Maven explains in increasing panic and with his eyes growing teary that he was along with the ride and all for getting the throne the way his mother planned, but then he began to feel genuine feelings for Mare and her plight and no matter how much Elara tried to take those feelings away, they always came back. She did the same with Tibe, making Maven lose his love for him, and had semi-success with Cal, but didn’t fully remove his love for his brother. It also changed when they killed Blonos and the servant girls, and when Tristan died. It opened Maven’s eyes and made him realize that he was going to kill someone he didn’t want to die. he’d already lost Thomas and it was his own fault, but if he was the reason he lost Mare, too, he’d lose his mind. 

Maven stops his rambling and joins Mare against the wall, admitting that he knows he deserves whatever comes next, but whatever does happen, he just asks that mare know that he is sorry for all of this, for putting her in such danger that now they’re on the run and risk execution if they’re caught. 

Mare turns to him and asks if Elara has the list, if he told her about the Newbloods. 

Maven shakes his head; the raid was going to happen in a few hour hours, so there wouldn’t have been enough time for Elara to look through his mind, write down all the names, and the find them in the blood base, so they have a good head start there, too. 

After a minute of collecting themselves, and a glare from Mare, the two stand up and keep walking until they reach a fork in the path and wonder which is safer.

The only answer they get is a gun pushed against the back of Maven's head and a certain blaonde telling him to go right or she's painting the tunnel Silver.

Mare turns and sees Kilorn and Farley, with the addition of a certain Barrow we all still mourn, don't lie.

"Shade!"

Mare and Shade reunite, though Maven voices confusion as he thought Shade had been executed.

Shade explains that they tried and failed, making an example by teleporting in front of and behind them, saying with pride that no one's faster than him.

Mare is a mix of happy and sad at the news, but Farley brings them back and reminds them they need to keep going or they'll get arrested and killed.

Maven also gets put back in shackles, but acts as a good sport and doesn't burn them off.

They continue throught the tunnel until they reach a train, climb aboard, and get to riding, merrily on their way to nowhere in particular.

Back in White Fire, Elara slaps Cal HARD in the face and demands to know what he was thinking and where Maven and Mare are.

Tibe gets between them, but Cal admits that he didn't fully know what he was thinking, just that he couldn't let his brother be forced to fight when he's still in training. It would be a bloodbath.

Elara asks if that's the same reason why he also let Mare go, or if there's something he's not telling them.

Tibe also wants to know. He understands letting Maven go, but why a Red rat like Mare? If the people see her lightning powers and Red blood, there will be Hell to pay.

Cal's silent, but Elara solves that with a quick look into his mind, seeing all the moments of Cal and Mare being close and friendly with each other.

Elara asks Cal if he's more interested in dirt than diamonds and Tibe gets the picture instantly, upon seeing Cal's reaction.

Change of plan: Cal is getting his legion back in action, and an additional two hundred soldiers to locate and either capture or kill Mare and Maven. No more catch and releases or else it's Cal who fights in the arena and he'll have nothing but his wits to defend himself.

Cal pales at this and gasps that they can't kill him, because then Norta has no heir.

Tibe only glares at him and tells him not to fail before leaving to let Cal get his army ready.

Cal watches his father leave and is broken by the fact that he legitimately screwed up and that his father, as King, needs Maven, his own son, executed with Mare, someone who never should have had her powers to begin with.

Elara glares at Cal for a moment longer and also walks out of the room, leaving Cal on his own.

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

So, I have this theory that JD is in love with MC in every route, and has to sit back and watch her date everyone else, wanting to tell her how they feel, but also only wanting her to be happy. Can someone write an angsty fic about this??

It only took brief glimpse of Theo's hair for JD to know it was her entering the bowling alley. Truth be told, they could quickly point her out in pretty much any setting - a fact that, if asked, they would blame solely on their keen observational skills - knowing deep down inside, that it had always been more than that. JD let out a sigh, flecks of dust spiraled through the warm air of the arcade room like specks of time. The light smell of Vanessa's perfume reaching JD's nose, making it crinkle slightly.

"Of course.." They muttered softly under their breath, idly wiping over the same spot on one of the pinball machines. It was a rare occurrence that anyone saw Theo without the Huntress these days.

"Hm? You say something?" Razi asked from behind the claw machine.

"Ah.. I said of course, that piece of shit is broken again." Jordan quickly replied, trying their best to sound convincing. "It sucks, just like everything else in this place.

'Oh, come on, JD. Not everything in Havenfall sucks."

The quick catch of a sharp blue eye as Theo passed by the door caused JD to sigh again before speaking.

"No. Not everything."

They were grateful for the silence as Razi only nodded, going back to his project at hand. A warm mid-afternoon's sun streaming through the bowling alley's windows as Jordan's thoughts began to wander. It felt like forever had passed since they had been basically dropped off on Razi's door step. The hospitable Djinn making sure they were at least as comfortable as they possibly could be, given the circumstances. Always so used to being able to roam free - JD was sure their time in Havenfall would be hell on earth. Just what could their Father have been thinking?! But then it happened - as soon as they walked their smooth-ass self into the bowling alley for their first day of work - and were immediately disarmed by a pair of bright blue eyes. JD had never been so instantly enamored with someone in all of their almost 300 years of living. They had done everything in their power to stop their feelings from progressing - to stop those relentless thoughts from spilling out across them - including wiping their own memory a time or two. JD took a deep breath - an ache so deep in their chest that some days, it was hard to breathe. How many times they had wanted to tell her, to let it all out. To allow Theo to see them in such a way, that maybe.. just maybe, she could love them back. The inherent knowledge that they just wanted her to be happy, had always stopped them, though. JD shook their head, internally rolling their eyes. What kind of devil goes and falls in love? They furrowed their brow in frustration at themselves, frowning slightly.

"Ah... JD? I think that spot is about as clean as it's going to get."

Jordan's eyes locked onto Razi's, the gentle giant of a Djinn looking at them with a soft concern. Though JD had never told Razi of their feelings for Theo, he had always known. He had seen JD watch from the sidelines with each person Theo had ever dated. It was no secret that most of the Havenfall's Finest had all fallen for the girl at one point or another, but most of those relationships were fleeting at best - yet, JD's feelings had never waivered - not even for a minute.

"Sure. Right." JD replied, quickly wiping down the pinball machine before moving onto the next one.

"Well, this claw machine should be good for a couple more weeks, at least. I'm going to check on things out front. You're.. you going to be alright?"

JD raised an eyebrow at him, leveling him with a look that just said don't.

"And when have you ever know the Jersey Devil to not be alright?" They smirked, a bit sadder than usual.

Razi only laughed before exiting the arcade room, it was the sort of laugh JD hated. Coated in pity and concern and everything JD despised people to feel for them. They knew Razi was just being polite, pretending that they had no idea of the immense hole that only seemed to grow deeper within Jordan's chest whenever Theo was around - but still, they couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of anger at the Djinn as they watched him walk away.

"Whatever.." They muttered to themselves, clenching their jaw. They knew their anger was misguided - misplaced. They knew they only had themselves to be mad to at. You'd think after roaming this desolate excuse for a planet for so many years, that they had known better than to allow themselves to have such a crush - especially on a human. JD's heart lurched again as the bright, melodic sound of Theo's laugh rang through the dense air of the bowling alley - cutting straight through to their soul. Vanessa's equally joyous laughter swirling around it like two soul mates dancing through a velvet sky. Of all the times JD had had to sit back and watch Theo be smitten by another, they knew this time was different. They saw the way her eyes lit up when Vanessa was around. The way her cheeks flushed whenever the Huntress had gotten a little too close. Oh, how badly they had wanted to be the one to bring that beautiful blush to Theo's cheeks. To kiss her - hold her - breathe her in like she was their last and final breath. JD were certain it could never be a possibility, that they had wasted any opportunity they may have ever had to make it happen. JD sighed, a sigh so deep it threatened to release every unspent tears that they harbored directly from their soul. How could I be so stupid? To think someone as big of a mess as me could ever be loved?

"Well, well.. someone sure is being awfully well behaved back here today."

The soft tones of Theo's voice swiftly broke JD from their thoughts. They took a deep breath, painting their patented smirk across their lips before turning around.

"Ah, well.. just saving my energy for a hot date I happen to have waiting for me." They lied.

"Oh? A hot date? No pun included?" Theo replied with a smirk of her own.

"Heh.. touche'."

"You know, JD... I.. I know it's not really in your nature to 'settle down', but it'd be nice to see you with someone who isn't just after your body, for once."

"That's kind of hard to do when you look like this, Theo." They gave her a small wink making her laugh, and JD could feel a slight blush immediately trying to move in.

"Touche'." Theo replied, the corners of her eyes crinkling slightly as she smiled at them. "But seriously Jordan. You deserve better than that. You.. you should be with someone who treats you how you deserve.'

Fuck.. she can't just say things like that! They cleared their throat as they did their best to keep their composure.

"Pfft... someone like me deserves no such thing, Theo."

They couldn't help the slight bitter tone that coated their words. Her kindness always disarming them - making them want her even more. Some days, it was more than they could handle. To hear her - listen to her - to be completely enveloped in her incredible light.

"Jordan... that's.. How can you even say that?"

JD only shrugged in return, quickly turning back around to the old pinball machine they were so idly cleaning. Fighting back the hot tears that were threatening to spill down their flushed cheeks.

"Just speaking the truth." They replied, allowing their walls to replace the sadness they felt so deeply within themselves. They could feel Theo's eyes on them - her kind heart trying to think of the right things to say. They sighed again, slouching their shoulders slightly. "Look, Theo.. I have a lot of work to finish before I can escape from this nightmare for the day, so..."

"O-oh, of course. I'll ah... I'll let you get back to it, then."

"Thanks.."

They could hear her shoes as she pivoted on the carpet, turning herself in the opposite direction before stopping short.

"... Hey, JD?"

"... Y-yeah?"

"I'm.... fuck.. nevermind."

JD could feel their heart break a little more as she walked away, back to her Huntress. Completely unaware of the words she wanted to say. How she wanted to yell at them - ask them why they never saw her, never realized how long she had wanted them - waited for them to make their move. With each of their souls calling out for the other - only for their hearts to never hear it.

[heartbrokenct]

payphone

pairing johnny suh x reader

genre fluff omg all the softness

word count 1.4k

warnings none! <3

summary after a particularly late night movie marathon with some friends, you find yourself in the arms of none other than johnny. days later, you get a call from an unknown number, and answer. but the person on the other end isn’t a toll call.

a/n uhhh- yes, i recently listened to payphone by maroon 5. yes, this is half inspired by that song. enjoy ;)

 “Hey, be quiet, this is sad!” you chastised him, and he let out a silent laugh, leaning in to rest against you. You gave him a look, but your heart beat loudly in your chest, and you swore he was so close he’d hear it. You had been invited to a huge movie marathon with Johnny, his crazy friends, and their respective partners. You’d been sitting watching movies in the dark apartment since 6pm, and the last time you checked your phone before Titanic started, it had become 10pm. You sighed, and as the movie progressed, and the scenes became sadder near the end you found yourself subconsciously getting comfortable against Johnny. His arm wrapped around your shoulder, and for a while you both sat there watching the movie in a comfortable silence, while everyone around you seemed to be whispering or laughing quietly. 

“Jaaack! Come back…” Rose’s feeble voice came from the television, and you felt a couple tears prick your eyes. Someone next to you stifled a laugh, and you looked over, elbowing Johnny in the ribs. 

 “Uh oh, Johnny’s spreading his cooties everywhere,” Haechan whispered rather loudly from the couch, and everyone let out a laugh. Johnny huffed, and moved away, taking both his arm and your only source of warmth with him. You smiled awkwardly, and sat up, turning to Haechan, 

  “You’re just jealous because other than Johnny you're the only single kid here.” You said, and everyone laughed harder, while he sat there and pouted. When the group had told you that he could seriously dish it but not take it, they were right, and you sat there with a grin on your face before reaching over and pinching his cheek. 

  While everyone stood and stretched a bit, you turned to talk to Johnny, but he’d disappeared somewhere. Sighing, you took out your phone and saw a few unread messages from your group chat with some friends.

    Ahn : “Lol, she’s probably all over him right now.

  Jihye : “Ahn! She’d never do that, she’s too chicken. She’d just look at him with that gross look in her eyes.”

    Ahn : “Ugh, love.”

   Jihye : “You and me both.”

 You rolled your eyes, and began typing a few strongly worded responses to the pair, who’d been secretly pining after each other for years. If anyone had that “gross look in their eyes” it was those two for each other but they were so proud the both of them, they’d never admit it. You saw Johnny coming back, and quickly put away your phone, and sent him a smile. He returned it and sat down next to you, his arm brushing your sleeve.  

 “Listen, I’m sorry about that kid. He just has no filter…” He said, sheepishly. You laughed, and his heart leaped in his chest. He had run to the bathroom to avoid any awkward conversations, especially in front of the rest of his friends, and had totally missed your sarcastic comment that put Haechan in his place. 

 “Oh don’t you worry about me, I can hold my own, especially against Haechan,” you said with a laugh, and he watched you intently, the melodic sound making his heart melt. Everyone suddenly started talking and it got quiet between you and Johnny, so you turned to the empty bowl in front of you. 

 You both reached for it at the same moment, and laughed. 

 “I got it-” you both said, again in the same moment and you paused. 

 “How about we both get some and we can refill some of the other bowls?” He suggested and you nodded. He stood, then offered his hand and you took it, standing up and stretching out your arms. The hem on your shirt rose slightly, and Johnny’s eyes flitted to the exposed skin as he reached down to grab the popcorn bowl. His face turned red and he quickly strode over to the kitchen while you gathered a few more bowls to fill. 

 You walked into the kitchen, and suddenly the living room became quiet. You peeked your head back out, and everyone suddenly jumped, looking away from the kitchen to do various tasks, like find a new movie, or pick at their hands, and you smirked, shaking your head slightly. Johnny had been trying to control his breathing, and you shuffled past him as he shakily poured some popcorn into your shared bowl. 

 “Ugh hurry grandpa, you’re too slow” you said and laughed, snatching the bowl and shoving another one under the popcorn maker. He stood and looked at you with a fake expression of hurt, before quickly catching you, attacking your side with tickles. You shrieked, and tried to run, but couldn't, and instead pleaded with him to stop between laughs and shouts. He laughed along with you and finally stopped when a kernel of popcorn flew and hit him in the forehead. Holding your arm to your sides protectively, you filled the rest of the bowls, and took them back just as the next movie was starting, and made sure to place yourself expertly into Johnny’s comfortable side.

--

You assumed he was just getting busy with his schedules, and tried to find something to watch that you hadn’t already seen at the movie night. Just as you settle in to watch a new Netflix comedy, your phone rings. It’s not a number you have saved, so you let it ring assuming its just spam. 5 minutes into the movie, your phone rings again, and you notice it's the same number. 

A few days later, you’d been texting Johnny with no reply. It wasn’t like him to not respond to your texts, so you messaged Jaehyun and asked what was up. Apparently Johnny had left his phone at the apartment and didn’t have it with him. He seemed to be forgetting a lot of things recently. Like just the other day he conveniently stood you up for your weekly coffee date, and blamed it on his busy schedule, whereas before he would push aside everything to be with you.

Truthfully, things between the two of you had been kind of awkward after the movie night. There seemed to be some unspoken agreement that something had changed but you were too scared to ask, and he never brought it up, so you assumed it was just your imagination. He stopped answering your texts as often and “forgot his phone” at his apartment conveniently. 

 “Hm, persistent…” You say, as you hang up the call again and try to focus. When your phone rings the same time from the same number you angrily answer, “No, I won’t buy whatever you’re advertising please stop calling this number!” You say, and just before you hang up you hear a familiar voice. 

 “Wait, Y/n it’s me! It’s Johnny!” 

Johnny? You raise the phone back to your ear, and listen.

 “John? Whose number is this?” You ask, and you can hear him breathing on the other end. 

 “I’m at a payphone… Was trying to call you- I thought you weren’t going to answer and I only have one quarter left so I’m glad you picked up… Just listen okay?” He pauses again, and you can tell by his voice that something is off, but you let him continue anyway.

 “Y/n, these past few days I can't get you out of my brain. You occupy every single corner of my mind, and all I see when I close my eyes is your beautiful face. I love your smile, and your laugh, and the way your eyes light up when someone makes a joke. The way you speak and the passion in your voice when you talk about what drives you… all of it makes me realize that I can’t be without you.” He finished, and you gasped. So the looks, the jokes, everyone pushing the both of you to get together… that wasn’t in your imagination; it was real, and your best friend just admitted his long term feelings for you. 

 “John… Johnny I- I’m just in shock can you give me a minute I-” You say, rather breathlessly, and both of you let out small soft laughs. After trying to calm yourself, so your voice doesn't come out sounding wonky, you smiled as you answered, 

 “I think maybe you should come over as soon as you’re finished. Because I think I love you too and I’d really like to talk face to face about it.. You know?”

 “It’s a date. I’ll be there. I can’t believe I just confessed to you over a payphone… It cost me seventy five cents!” He said jokingly, and you laughed at his antics. 

 “Well, I sure hope that it’s worth more than seventy five cents,” you mumble, but he still catches it. 

 “I’d pay for the whole universe if that’s what it took.” He said, and you shook your head at the flattery, unable to stop yet another smile blooming on your face.

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Stuck in reverse - pt 5

Neil x Reader

Chapter 5: Someone like you

(<- see Chapter 4, 3, 2, 1)

summary: camping, watching sunsets, oh - and Neil plays a guitar

warnings: is beer an alcohol? Language. Feels. Lots of feels.

author’s note: when did we stop putting lyrics into fanfics? I miss that! Del Amitri - Tell Her This is one the three songs that inspired me to write this story in the first place.

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

---

As you were adjusting the straps of your backpack, you heard your team hollering happily by the van’s trunk. You shot a glance at their direction. Neil was just taking out his own backpack and you noticed a familiar shape next to him.

He brought the guitar.

You snickered at yourself, because that meant you were officially, royally screwed.

“Oi, mate, you plan on stealing some poor girl’s heart with this thing?” a young medic teased and nudged your friend’s shoulder.

Neil snorted and looked directly at you. “Maybe,” he said as an innocent smile appeared on his face. Then he winked.

Son of a bitch.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, but the corner of your lips twitched.

___

The trail went mostly through the forest. The fog in the air, leaves rustling under your feet, the smell of resin and mushrooms – every step made you more and more relaxed. You tuned out your teammates’ chatter and just focused on taking in the views. You were still a bit tired after the previous night, not really in the mood for talking. The sadness was gone though, replaced by peaceful contentment.

You reached your destination in the afternoon and spent some time setting up the camp on a small clearing in the woods. The team set up nine small tents in a circle, leaving some place for a campfire in the middle.

You were halfway through unpacking the cool box when your phone buzzed. You raised your eyebrows when you noticed it was a text from Neil. You looked around, but you couldn’t see him anywhere. You opened the message only to find a set of coordinates there.

___

“Well, that certainly is a dramatic sunset, all right.”

Neil was standing at the edge of the cliff overlooking the valley. He jumped at the sound of your voice, turned around and greeted you with a wide grin on his face.

“Oh just wait until you see the view from up here,” he laughed and waved his hand to make you join him there.

You crossed your arms. “Nope, thanks, I’m perfectly good here.”

“Fine, you chicken, you’re missing out though,” he teased and turned his back to you.

You shook your head, annoyed at his comment. “Damn, I hate you so much sometimes,” you said through the gritted teeth and made few steps in his direction, still keeping your distance from the rim.

Neil started laughing and looked at you over his shoulder. “No, you don’t.”

You didn’t know why that thought made you this agitated, but you could feel your whole body getting tense. “What, you wanna tell me you remember the ridiculous way I take my coffee but you don’t remember that I am terribly scared of heights?”

Neil’s shoulders dropped when he noticed the angry look in your eyes. “I’m sorry, I thought-… You seemed okay when we were parachuting in Canada.”

You sighed. Yep, that was it. He’d moved in with Nikki few weeks before that mission, so he wasn’t there when you were sitting on the bathroom’s floor, barfing your guts out because you were so terrified and anxious. Only switching into your mission mode allowed you to survive that day without breaking down in front of everyone.

“Fake it till you make it, huh?” you laughed bitterly. “Nah man, I can push through it in the field, but after hours?” - you shrugged - “I’m useless.”

Neil opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then shook his head, reached out his hand and smiled lightly. “Do you trust me?”

Of course you did.

You took his hand and let him guide you toward the edge of the cliff. You could feel your knees shaking and your breath became shallow.

Neil was closely watching your reaction, trying not to push you too far out of your comfort zone too soon.

“Few more steps and we’ll sit down, I promise,” he said softly.

You squeezed his hand and nodded.

Neil sat down and pulled you next to him before you had a chance to peek down the precipice. You looked around and gasped at the view. The river wound through the valley, reflecting the colours of the sun, which was slowly hiding its face behind the top of the mountains up ahead.

“I told you so.”

You chuckled, too mesmerized by the scene in front of you to say anything. You leaned back and sighed happily. With the corner of your eye, you could see Neil looking at you with a shade of a smile on his lips before he turned his head and focused on the sunset.

You both watched in silence the sky changing into more orange and purple tones.

Suddenly you felt a change in Neil’s mood. He was pinching his left hand’s little finger, lost in his thoughts. He must have noticed your gaze, because he took a deep breath, as if he was bracing for something.

“Why did you leave?” he asked quietly.

“What?”

Not that you didn’t know what he meant. You knew exactly what he was asking about, but you weren’t sure if you were ready to have that conversation.

“Why did you leave?” he repeated his question, still not looking in your direction. “...Back then.”

The sadness in his voice took you by surprise.

“Neil, I-” you hesitated, fighting the urge to laugh it all up and change the subject. But he deserved to know. “Look, you were so happy and so in love, you’d put all your time and energy into your new relationship and that was okay. I just wanted to give you a bit of space.”

His eyes darted at you as he scoffed in disbelief. “A bit of-...By completely disappearing? I thought that our friendship was stronger than that.”

That accusation hit you hard, so without thinking twice you blurted, “Hey, you didn’t call me either.”

The painful look in his eyes made you regret saying that almost instantly. God, it hurt, and it’s been eating you alive all those years, but you just knew-

“That’s not fair.”

You pulled up your knees and wrapped your arms around them. He was right.

“I know, I’m sorry,” you said softly. “Look, from the bottom of my heart, I was genuinely happy for you both. Really. But-...” you sighed heavily. You felt light-headed, knowing what you were about to say. You desperately wanted to get it all out once and for all. Even if jumping from that cliff seemed like a more pleasant option at that moment. “...at the same time it did hurt like bitch,” you ended quietly. There, you said it.

The silence was deafening.

You shot a quick glance at Neil. He was staring at you with his mouth open, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“Why-”

You looked into his blue eyes, hoping he would see the answer in yours.

“Please don’t make me say it,” you whispered, barely holding your emotions at bay.

Neil’s eyes widened as he gasped quietly in sudden realization. You could almost see him finally connecting all the dots in his mind. His expression was a mixture of shock and dread.

“Jesus, Y/N, but you never- why didn’t you say-”

Ah, that was the easiest question.

“Because I valued our friendship more than...” - you took in a shaky breath, fighting the tears welling up in your eyes - “...than that and I didn’t wanna risk it.”

No, the irony of that whole mess wasn’t lost on you, but you were glad Neil decided not to point it out. His intense stare was unbearable though.

You stood up, unable to bring yourself to stay any longer, terrified of what you might hear next.

“I have to go, I’m in charge of the food today,” you muttered and turned away to walk back to the camp.

“Y/N-”

Your heart clenched painfully in your chest. You pinched the bridge of your nose and shook your head, not looking back. “Neil, please. It’s just- I can’t do this right now.”

The short walk to the camp gave you enough time to pull yourself together. The policy is to suppress echoed in your mind and it helped you put the cap on your bottled emotions and to shove them back into the deepest corner of your heart. The rest of the crew was sitting around the campfire, listening to Seb’s story about his recent cinematic discoveries. You let him finish his rant before you joined them.

“Who’s hungry?” you asked, rubbing your hands together. Seeing your squad’s enthusiastic reactions put a smile on your face. “Okay, I need more hands for this!”

As you were giving instructions to Ira and Elliot over the cool box, you noticed Neil coming out of the forest. You saw Wheeler walking up to him and asking something, but he just shook his head, patted her on the shoulder, grabbed a beer from a bucket and sat down near the campfire.

Two hours later, most of the food you’d prepared was gone. The group switched to drinking and singing along to Neil’s guitar. You included, the atmosphere of camaraderie grounding you in the moment. After covering few of the classics, Neil started taking the requests.

“Hey, how about Passenger and Let her go?” said Wheeler, smirking.

Neil’s lips pressed into a thin line as he glared at her. If looks could kill, she’d be dead right then. For a moment it seemed like they were having a short non-verbal argument, then Neil sighed, clearly defeated. He put on a brave face though and played the first few chords.

What the hell was that about?

The rest of the guys whooped and joined him singing the lyrics. As the song progressed, you could swear Neil’s face became sadder, and by the end of the song you could feel a lump in your throat. The tenderness in his voice when he sang the last lines took your breath away.

//Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go//

The image of Nikki flashed before your eyes and you got up to grab another beer.

“All right guys,” Neil laughed and downed his bottle, frowning slightly. “Speaking of- ...let me choose the next one.”

Of course you recognized that song. Bloody hell. You remembered the first time you heard it, that winter afternoon, Neil and you snuggled under a blanket on his couch, watching the latest episode of your then-favourite TV show, and you slowly falling in love with the music, the lyrics… and your best friend in the whole world.

//Tell her not to go

I ain't holding on no more

Tell her something in my mind freezes up from time to time//

“You know that all this time I had no idea you are that childhood friend that broke his heart?”

Your heart sank at those words. Wheeler was standing right next to you with her arms crossed, a smug expression on her face. Your jaw dropped and you looked over your shoulder at Neil. Nobody seemed to know that song, so he just kept singing alone, smiling sadly.

//Tell her not to cry

I just got scared, that's all

Tell her I'll be by her side, all she has to do is call//

Your mind went blank, not allowing you to fully grasp what you’d just heard. “Me neither,” you said under your breath.

Wheeler snickered at your shocked face. “Apparently.” She placed her hand on your shoulder, squeezing it lightly and went to her tent, leaving you standing there alone.

You turned around and noticed Neil looking at you, the fire flickering in his eyes.

//Tell her not to go

I ain't holding on no more

Tell her nothing if not this: all I want to do is kiss her//

You held your breath, your hands were shaking. The thought appeared on your mind, but you were too scared to take it seriously.

What if he really meant it?

Why were you doing this to yourself? Enough. You left the camp and headed to the stream in the woods. You splashed the cold water on your face and sighed heavily.

“You have no idea how many times I wanted to call you.”

There he was, leaning against the tree, his hands in the pockets, his face tense and serious.

“One day I woke up and realized that you were gone. Days were passing by and it was getting more and more difficult.” Neil gritted his teeth in frustration as he looked away. “Goddammit, I thought you were mad at me, or hated me for some reason,” he exhaled slowly and fixed his gaze on you. “Or that you didn’t care anymore. I just tried to make some sense of it all. Believe it or not,” - he laughed bitterly - “I wanted to give you some space too.”

You wanted to laugh at that comeback, but a little sob escaped your mouth instead. The pain in his eyes was breaking your heart into a million little pieces. The tears were slowly getting mixed with the water on your face so you tried to wipe them with the back of your hand as you walked up to him.

“Neil, I’m sorry,” you said quietly and pulled him into a hug.

Neil wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in your hair, trembling lightly as he let out a shaky breath.

“The thought that I lost you for good was-” his voice broke before he could finish the sentence.

You pulled back so you could look at him. The tenderness of his expression made your heart skip a bit. Neil pressed his forehead into yours and closed his eyes.

“Jesus, I was so stupid. I’m so sorry,” he said softly.

You were lost for words, so you just shook your head lightly and placed a hand on his cheek, stroking it slowly with your thumb. Neil fixed his eyes on yours as he brushed a strand of hair away from your face.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered and sighed, biting his lip.

You chuckled lightly and smiled. Your fingertips slowly traced down his jawline, your heart pounding in your chest. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Neil tilted his head as he pulled you closer. Then he kissed you like there was no tomorrow and nothing else mattered anymore.

(next Chapter ->)

((bonus chapter ->))

[kimnjss]

the hardest part | requested

⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader ⇢ fic type: one shot ⇢ genre: angst ⇢ word count: 2.5K ⇢ theme: bestfriend!jungkook + friend zone ⇢ warnings: i don’t think there are any?? its kinda sad lol. ⇢ synopsis: for years, you have been in love with your best friend. you regretted not saying anything about it... and it only gets worse when his wedding is just around the corner. ⇢ A/N: hope you like this! wrote the entire thing listening to the the hardest part by roy kim, listen to it while reading it... it’s even sadder that way :(

It was so hard to see him with her. Happy with her. Jungkook and you have been best friends basically your whole lives. You met in first grade and ever since then your parents made sure that you had the same teacher, same classes, same lunches. They didn't want to separate you.

Even back than Jungkook was a bit of a hothead, snapping at any one who dared to cross him. You were way more calm and thoughtful, managing to put the fire out every time. You balanced each other out.

The closeness between you only grew as the years went on. You never spent more than a few days apart. When family trips came around it was always: 'Can Jungkook come too?' or 'Y/n's coming, right?'. You two were the definition of inseparable.

You fell in love with Jungkook your freshmen year of high school. He had taken you to winter formal after Yoongi Min dumped you with no explanation. Of course, you were surprised when Jungkook  broke his date with Seulgi Kang to take you.

You danced the entire night and then he walked you home. You still remembered how often you thought about him in that suit that night. He looked so good all dressed up and matching you. When you got to my door, he smiled his brace-face smile at you, giving you a kiss on the cheek before telling you goodnight and walking off.

That's when he had you. You started to notice things about Jungkook that you're not supposed to notice about your best friend. The subtle dimples on his cheeks that appeared only when he smiled real wide. How he snorted quietly if he laughed too hard. That tiny vein that stuck out on his forehead whenever he was pissed. How he treated his baby sister like a little princess.

Each time noticing something new, you fell deeper in love with him – until it was too late. You were in too deep and you had no idea what to do.

It had been years since that first realization. Nine to be exact. You had kept your feelings a secret for nine whole years. Now he was engaged. To his soulmate as he liked to call her. You liked to stick to just referring to her as the 'stupid bitch that stole my best friend'.

Her name was Eunae. Eunae Choi. She looked like a freaking Victoria Secret model. Long pin straight jet black hair, porcelain smooth skin, high cheek bones and an amazing body. On top of that she was a genius. She was working on her Master's in Psychology.

It was no wonder he fell for her.

“Hand me the banana peppers,” Jungkook nodded his head towards the jar and you slowly reached for it. It had been a long while since we had a pizza-building-movie-bingeing-sleepover.

You figured it had been just as long as him and Eunae had been together. What was it? Two years, five months and thirteen days? Yeah, but who's counting?

“Can you believe I'm getting married in a week?” Jungkook spoke as he scattered the peppers around the pie.

“Hardly.” He only mentioned it every half hour.

“You got your best ladies' speech ready?” Having Jungkook ask you to be his best man but call it a best lady was the epitome of friend zone. You nearly cried yourself to sleep after that. Nodding your head, you plucked a pepper from the jar and shoving it into your mouth.

“Eunae sent you the dresses, right? She wanted you to wear a bridesmaid's dress even though you're not one of the bridesmaids, it would just make more sense.” Eunae had sent the picture to you and that entire sentence. You nodded once again.

You loved the dress. It was a dusty rose long halter neck dress. “I still can't fucking believe it,” Jungkook mumbled to himself as he pushed the pizza into the oven. He tapped a few things on the screen before coming to sit next to you.

“Have you found a plus one yet?” The two of them were threatening you with the single's table if you didn't find someone to bring to this wedding. The thing was, you didn't want a date. It would just be a waste of time to find one. It wasn't like you would even be interested.

You honestly hated yourself for not speaking up when you had the chance. You should've just sucked it up and admitted your feelings to him. Maybe he would've rejected you but you wouldn't be in this situation that you were in right now. Watching him get married to someone you knew he loves while you're sitting there in love with him. It was pathetic.

“No, I'm gonna go stag and I'm completely okay with it,” You put extra emphasis on the last bit hoping he'd get the hint.

“Alright, alright. Go pick the first movie, I'm going to give Eunae a quick call.” You almost rolled your eyes. Of course he'd find a way to bring her into your night. Plastering a smile on your face you headed into the living room, scrolling through the movies on Netflix before deciding on a comedy.

You waited for him with the bowl of popcorn in your lap. Jungkook didn't find his way back into the living room until twenty minutes had passed. He sat down beside you, stealing the popcorn off of your lap before shoveling a handful into his mouth.

“What did you pick?” He spoke through his mouthful.

“Sausage Party.” You laughed as Jungkook's eyes widened. “That movie is so bad!” He chuckled, leaning back against the cushions and turning his attention to the screen.

As the movie progressed, Jungkook had managed to pull you against him. Your pizza laid half eaten on the coffee table and the popcorn bowl empty. His arms were wrapped around your shoulders, the tips of his fingers tickling the skin on your bare arm.

Him doing things like this is what fucked you up in the first place. Shifting away from him, you tried to calm the racing of your heart. He gave you a weird look, confusion written all over his face.

“What's the matter?”

“Nothing,”

He looked as if he wanted to say something else but refrained from doing so. You watched the rest of the movie in silence.

All these thoughts were bubbling in your head. You wanted to tell him, you wanted him to know how you felt about him before he went and got married. You couldn't form a sentence for the life of you, though.

Would it be wrong? To tell him this ten days before his wedding? What if he changed his mind? What if he called the entire thing off? What if he changed his mind? What if he called the entire thing off? 

You sighed, watching as he turned the couch into a makeshift bed, dusting the popcorn bits off and onto the floor. “You heading into your room?” When you were younger he use to sleep up in your room with you. Then puberty hit and morning wood became a thing. It was safer for everyone if you slept in separate areas.

“In a little bit,” You paused, eyeing him as he laid back on the cushions. “Why? Are you tried?” You questioned and he shook his head.

“Nope.” A smirk grew on his face. “Remember when I dared you to streak around the dorm?” Of course you remembered that shit. You tripped and fell into a pile of mud. Had dirt in your cooch for days.

“Yes, why?” You laid my body down beside his, staring up at the ceiling as he spoke.

“Jimin Park saw that. He thought you were hot and asked if you were single. You weren't at the time but now you are. Would you like me to give him a call? Maybe he could be your plus one?” He suggested and you scoffed.

“No thank you.” Jimin was the king of the douche bags. Fraternity president and ignorant as fuck. You wouldn't waste a second on him.

“I don't want you to have to go alone,”

“I am choosing to go alone, Koo. If I wanted a date, I would've gotten one.” It was lost on you why he was making out of you bringing a date. Him and his bride wouldn't leave you alone about it.

“Okay, fine.” He made it seem like he was letting it go, but he was far from letting anything go.

“You're gorgeous, you know that right, Y/N? Any guy would be lucky to have you if you just gave one a chance...” You glared at him, warning him to shut up about it. You were in no mood to hear this speech for the thousandth time.

“In all the years that I've known you, you've only ever had one real boyfriend and that was a few years ago.” He pointed out. “Guys approach you too, I've seen it. Why don't you give any of them a chance?”

You sighed, running my hands over your face. “I'm just not interested.” This had become a mantra of yours.

“Yeah, but why not?”

“They're not my type.”

“You have a type?” He sounded surprised, a chuckle dying on his lips.

“Yes, I have a type.” You were quickly growing annoyed with this conversation.

“No you don't.”

You scoffed. “Yes, I do.”

“What's your type then?”

“You.” The word left your mouth before you could pull it back. Jungkook was sitting up, staring down at you with wide eyes.

“What did you just say?” He sat there staring at you. Your heart was beating in your ears. Slowly, you were sitting yourself up. Preparing yourself for what was to come next, there was no backing out now. You needed to finish what you started.

“You. You're my type, Jungkook. I'm in love with you, I have always been,” You could feel your throat closing up. But you weren't able to stop the word vomit from tumbling from between your lips.

He sat there silent for a minute. You just dropped something huge and the impact was written all over his face. He opened his mouth as if he finally came up with an answer, did that twice before his face furrowed in confusion.

“You're in love with me?” He repeated, just to clarify. You nodded.

Jungkook just continued to stare at you. Forcing your eyes shut, you cleared your throat. You couldn't look at him. There it was right on his face, how much he didn't love you. Had you expected him to admit the same, call off the wedding so you could ride off into the sunset? Yeah, right.

Maybe.

You started to head towards the stairs, quickly coming to my senses. He was getting married! “Holy shit, forget I said anything... I-I...I don't know what I was thinking. I'm going to head up,” Avoiding his gaze you rushed towards the stairs and into your room, slamming the door shut.

Overwhelmed with humiliation and the sting of rejection, tears began to stream down your face which only intensified when you heard the front door slam.

Ten days had went by and you hadn't heard anything from Jungkook. A brief message from Eunae this morning was what confirmed that you were still invited to this stupid party. You got dressed in the bridesmaid's dress, did your own hair and makeup and showed up at the church minutes before the start.

Not wanting to leave any time to mingle.

It was unbelievably hard to stand there with a smile on your face as you watched them recite their vows, staring all lovingly in each others' eyes with these dopey smiles on their faces. 'I do's' were said and they were kissing.

Not the sloppy wolfish kiss that they often displayed in front of their friends, this one was elegant one that dragged an 'awe' from the lips of the crowd. You inwardly rolled your eyes.

Your speech was quick and extremely general. You avoided getting into too much detail and you didn't tell any stories. It was the type of speech you could copy and paste and recite at any wedding. You weren't up for anything else.

Nursing your third glass of Chardonnay, Jungkook approached you. “How you holding up?” You felt yourself swaying, but you were certain you were standing still.

“I'm fine,” Another mantra.

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“I liked your speech,” He tried.

You laughed. “Okay,” Gulping down the rest of your drink, you set the empty glass down on the table. “I'm going to grab a cab. Great party,” You commented, shooting him a thumbs up before exiting the hall.

It was raining very hard. You were soaked the second you stepped outside. Not letting that slow you down, you made your way to the sidewalk, calling for a taxi. A hand on your shoulder stopped you from entering the first one that pulled up.

“Why are you pissed at me?” Jungkook stood, tux soaked and hair sticking to his face.

“I'm not,”

“Yes you are, Y/N. I know when you're pissed.” He spat. “Did you expect me to call off the wedding?”

“No,” Yes.

“I'm sorry. I hate that this hurts you but you got to understand how I feel about Eunae. She's it for me, you know? I wish that it didn't hurt you so bad,” He looked sincere, it honestly hurt him that he was hurting you.

Now you felt bad. “You deserve to be happy, Koo. You shouldn't have to apologize. It's just hard to see you with her... I'm just going to stay away for a little bit,” You actually planned to stay away for more than a little bit.

Yesterday morning you were getting a call about a job in Boston. It paid a lot more than the job that you had now and it was actually related to what I=you got a degree for in the first place.

“Okay,” He was so understanding. How can someone break your heart and make it swell all at the same time? “I love you, Y/N.” You nodded, knowing the exact way that he meant. You called for another cab, slipping in without him stopping you.

Telling the driver your address, I sat back against the seats. You forced yourself not to look back. He wasn't going to be standing there waving you off. This wasn't like a movie. He wasn't going to realize that he had been in love with you all along and you'd live happily ever after. Nope.

Jungkook was to go back inside, dry off and live his life with his perfect wife. You were to go to Boston, study the behavior of the animals and their environment and that was it. Maybe you'd cross paths in the future, but for now – that was it.

[cambionverse]

envesseled (1 of 3): poker

HELLO >:)

so. as you may have noticed, the last time we posted anything about envesseled (the claire-centric, claire-pov fic intended to follow jesse's fic cambion and ben's fic only human) was in 2013. did we forget about it? did we cancel it? is the verse abandoned? no, no, and no. we had a lot of stuff to rewrite to get the verse in the right place for envesseled, and then we got busy, and THEN there was a pandemic. but it was never very far from our minds, and now it is FINALLY time for this to be the next thing we post.

most of the fans of this verse have been with us for a very long time. for being so patient, and so supportive, we decided to post not one, not two, but THREE scenes from the in-progress envesseled, for everyone to enjoy, but especially for the people who were readers when we posted the last one (again, in 2013, eight entire years ago). we aren't committing to a posting date yet, but we are ALL much closer to the end of this wait than the beginning.

this particular scene is only mildly spoilery and doesn't have any major content warnings to watch out for, aside from a mention of the ticking clock on claire's grace. it also introduces the minor character patrick, from spn episode 5.07, who has been on our cast page for some time; finally you can get some idea of what (small yet important) role he might play in this story. there are two more previews after this before the night is over - we hope you enjoy them.

---

Lucky for Claire, there's already a poker game in progress when she pushes the door of the pub open in a swirl of cold air. The man who wins the next hand looks younger than the others by far, though there's something about him that Claire can't quite place. He catches her eye across the bar and smiles around a toothpick as his compatriots grumble and wander away with their meager winnings.

"Room for one more?" says Claire, laying the sweetness on thick and her money on the table.

He waves a hand at the now-empty chairs. "I'm Patrick."

Surely he's faking that Irish accent; it's even more ridiculous than Jesse's Australia-Nebraska hybrid. And with the name Patrick, no less. "Amelia," Claire says, and pretends the accompanying flare of pain is only because she told a lie.

"Amelia," says Patrick, with an odd emphasis on the last two syllables. "You remind me of someone I once knew." He hands her a stack of poker chips and begins dealing out cards.

Claire leans forward so her braid falls over her shoulder and says, "How did you end up here, Patrick?"

He doesn't take the opportunity to look down her shirt, which is all the more irritating because she had half-hoped he wouldn't. "Luck," he says, snapping the k. He glances at his cards. "It's often on my side."

Lie. Claire doesn't often get such strong feedback from general statements like that, but this one burns. She ups her bet by more than she otherwise would have, careful to keep her voice neutral. "That must come in handy."

"Well, that is what we Irish are known for." He flips another chip onto the pile. "Ignoring the whole bit about the famines, of course. Pots of gold don't make very good eating."

Claire cracks a smile completely involuntarily, and brings a hand up much too late to hide it. Patrick quirks one eyebrow. His eyes stay on Claire's face for a long time, though, as his expression slides into something sadder.

She wouldn't, usually, but Claire asks, "Who was it?"

Patrick blinks, and the smirk is back in place like it never left. "Who was who, darling?"

"You said I reminded you of someone."

"She was a dancer." Patrick takes a chip from his considerable pile and spins it between two fingers. "Held herself like you do, especially when she was angry. Like if she didn't hold herself tight she'd float right up in the air."

Claire's muscles go even tenser when he says that, because he's not supposed to notice. "Raise," she says, dropping the chips in the pile.

Patrick exhales. "She wasn't much of a poker player." He puts his cards down, and slides them back into the deck before she can see them. "I fold."

Claire scoops the pile of chips toward her, stacking them carefully by value. Patrick's first bet this round was high, the highest he's played all game; why did he drop the bluff so fast? With this, plus the little extra hidden in her backpack, and if she's willing to eat vending machine food for breakfast—

The door opens, and a low hum starts up in the back of Claire's head. She knows who it is before Ben ever reaches the table.

"Claire!"

Patrick's eyes narrow the slightest margin. "Claire, is it?"

Fuck, and now she's been made, and he probably won't pay out and she'll have to sleep in a fucking snowbank because Ben Braeden can't keep his mouth shut. She opens her mouth the bare minimum required to say, "Leave."

She hears him settle harder on his feet but continues to stare at her cards. Patrick folded. She doesn't even have one pair.

"I know you don't forgive me yet," Ben says, and Claire breathes out hard. "But there's something Jesse and I need to—"

"I said leave, Ben," and she's turning to glare at him even though she wanted to play this cool. His cheeks are glowing red from being out in the cold, and a little behind him, far enough back to have a clear path to the door, Jesse's watching her too. When he sees Claire looking, his eyes drop to the floor.

"No, you don't get it," Ben begins, but Patrick interrupts.

"Is there a problem here?"

Ben seems to realize there are other people around, and he slides on his most affable grin. Claire can see how it's going to go, Ben charming everyone in a ten-foot radius, what a nice guy he is. Well, not if she gets there first.

"Yeah, there is," she says, savoring the lack of pain because it's true. "This asshole has been bothering me all night. I came here to get away from him."

"Oh, come on," says Ben, already rolling his eyes, but Claire said it loud enough that quite a few people heard her and some of them are starting to mutter. He notices, and ducks closer to her. "Look, Claire, can we just go?"

Patrick stands up. "I believe the lady asked you to leave."

Ben gives him a once-over. "Who are you?"

"Oh, I don't think you want to know the answer to that," says Patrick. His smile is not kind. "I suggest you be on your way."

Claire's not surprised to see Ben's jaw set at that. "Dude, this is so not your business," he says. "I know her, okay? We've been friends for years. I just want to talk to her."

Patrick bites a toothpick idly. "Think she can decide for herself who she wants to talk to."

Ben looks like he might be feeling stupid enough to throw a punch, but then Jesse is there at his side, one hand finding its way to the back of Ben's neck. Ben calms down instantly with Jesse touching him and Claire has been so, so painfully oblivious to never see this for what it was.

When Patrick notices Jesse his arms drop, and suddenly the air feels weird. "And who's your friend?"

"I'm nobody," says Jesse, though Claire would bet her pile of hypothetical money that his other hand is on the knife at his belt. "Just don't want to see this get out of hand."

Patrick looks at all three of them like links in a chain. "And did you not hear the lady's request, nobody?"

"Maybe you should stop talking for her, how 'bout," Ben retorts.

Claire appreciates the help, she supposes, but really what she wants is to be done with the displays of aggression and for everyone to leave her alone. "Go away, Ben," she says, and it comes out tired even to her own ears. He slumps a little deeper into Jesse's grip, and that's exactly the problem.

"Claire—"

"We're going," says Jesse, finally looking away from Patrick to catch Claire's eye again. He lowers his voice. "We'll be waiting outside."

"You'll be waiting a long time," Claire says, one parting shot for them to remember her by. "I do hope you two can find some way to occupy yourselves."

They both flinch, and Claire turns back to the table with bitter satisfaction in the back of her throat.

Patrick settles back into his seat, eyes still on the door. "You do have interesting friends."

"They're not my friends," says Claire. The lie burns like whiskey.

Patrick raises an eyebrow at her. "No? Then what are they?"

"We were playing," Claire says pointedly. When he doesn't move, she grabs the deck and starts to shuffle herself.

"I am playing," Patrick retorts. If he starts to go on about how you don't play the cards, you play the person, she might have to hit him herself. Instead he leans back and chews on his toothpick. "Let me see if I got it straight. You and Ben, you've been friends for a long time."

Claire places her bet, refusing to acknowledge that he's still talking. There's nothing impressive about repeating back what Ben let slip.

"And you're not one to make friends easily, are you, Amelia." She does look up at that, and Patrick, smirking, corrects himself. "Claire."

She deals the next card.

"So maybe you thought Ben was something special. But you didn't trust yourself with him. So you told him to wait."

"Raise," Claire says, and she doesn't even have that good a hand but she wants to clean him out. He won't stop fucking smiling.

"Some people would wait, you know," says Patrick. "Some people would wait a very long time."

Some while back Ben had told her, There is nobody else. Well. I'm nobody, Jesse said. Claire turns out her hand. "Triple sixes."

Patrick sighs. "You're letting me get to you, love. Can't play a good game if your mind's out that door." He tosses his cards onto the table in front of her. "Full house, and I'm guessing you could've used this cash. Quit while you've got any left." He drags the chips out of her reach.

Claire picks up his cards and the rest of the deck. "We're not done playing."

"All that ice isn't going to keep you safe forever." Patrick leans back. "Deal."

And because Claire is tired, and lost, and vindictive, she lets the cards slide through her hands with that special twist Ben taught her.

Patrick nudges a considerable pile of chips into the middle of the table. "Some free advice for you, love," he says, eyes dark. "Your life's too short to pretend you want nothing and no one to come near your heart."

Her grace flares up even before she can shape the words I don't. He doesn't know how right he is—Claire's life is looking very short indeed, these days, and nothing Ben or Jesse can do will put a stop to the invasive light eroding her body from the inside out. Her heart's probably toxic by now anyway.

Claire takes a deep breath and shows her cards, spades all in a row just like she planned. "Straight flush."

Patrick tosses his hand onto the table. "Four aces."

"What?" But there they are, even though Claire could've sworn she cut the ace of diamonds into the middle of the deck and buried the ace of hearts even further down. She locks her teeth as soon as the word escapes, but it's too late; his cold smile tells her he knows what she did.

"I don't like cheaters," says Patrick. He places a polished wooden box on the table and begins gathering the chips back into it, along with any chance she had of getting a hotel room tonight. "And you, of all people, ought to value honesty. Better luck next time, Amelia."

Claire clenches her jaw. She stands to leave—then Patrick catches her hand.

"I'm not doing this for you," he murmurs, and she feels the papery crinkle of fresh bills on her palm. She grips the money instinctively even as she draws back, other hand curling into a fist. No one at all is watching them. But Patrick just looks at her, an unsettling depth to his gaze. "You should tell him how you feel," he says, and releases her.

Claire pockets the money and bolts before he can change his mind.