#and then telling that unhealthy part to sit down and listen up because that is not how we run things

[watercolor-wings]

Laying here trying to convince my anxiety ridden monkey brain that just wants to move out that moving out with a partner requires two yesses and even if the documents can still be submitted until midnight the decision has already been made and I'm not going to wake my girlfriend up to talk about it again when she has already stated that she's too anxious to move right now

[manicpixiefelix]

he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) // epilogue

{ head, heart, hand. masterpost }

Summary: Oliver is haunted by what he's done to get his happy ending in Felix's arms. His guilt is only made worse when he meets the first member of your family to actually remind him of you. Unfortunately, he does not find it to get better from there.

{ context; please read he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) first }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons. YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD IN THIS ONE, but you do get to haunt the narrative. congratulations?

Warnings: discussions of death/overdose, lots of guilt, manipulative oliver, felix being upset, vaguely unhealthy oliver/felix, lotsa angst, oliver quick reckoning with the sunk-cost fallacy.

A/N: 6828 words. first, i don't usually do part 2s when i say something is a oneshot, so this is a rare occurrence. secondly im sorry this is almost 7k there's something wrong with my brain i think. thirdly bro, bro, listen to me; ANGST. HURT NO COMFORT. HURT NO COMFORT. it's soft in the middle THE SOFTNESS IS A LIE. ITS GONNA HURT ALL THE WAY DOWN (apart from nana i love her nd i hope you will too)

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

One hour and fifty three minutes.

Rounded up, because all things considered, he should round it up, that's two hours.

Two hours. Like the blink of an eye in the scope of a whole life. But a very long time when you sit and count it out.

One hundred and twenty minutes. Seven thousand, two hundred seconds. He's always counting two hours, seeing exactly how long it feels like, how he can fill that amount of time. Seconds pass like a steady heartbeat.

He can do a lot in two hours.

Oliver tries to occupy himself nowadays more than ever, and really tries not to be alone, but it's hard. Farleigh left for Oxford. Venetia, before she decided to backpack across Europe and find herself, wouldn't let anyone touch her anymore.

Oliver doesn't like leaving Felix alone, but sometimes he has to be. You're laying cold in a family crypt somewhere next to a grandfather you never knew, and while Elspeth and Sir James don't comment on it, they both scowled when your parents sprung the announcement on everyone at the funeral.

Felix spends a lot of time alone at the edge of the maze. He's making a fairy garden where you had waited. Sometimes he'll drive into town without telling anyone, and come back with quaint, second-hand miniatures to add. It's beautiful, shining with greens and golds when the setting sun hits it just right.

So Oliver finds time to occupy himself, when he's alone and all he can think about is you sitting by the maze. You laying by the maze. You alive when he'd run from the maze. And the two hours that followed.

Sometimes he leans out of his window and shouts to the gardeners so far away they look like ants; even at this distance, his voice carries, and he sees them turn, search for him, ask if he's okay. He is, and he apologises, and he think about how far his voice carries.

On occasion, out of the blue, he'll lift Felix up when he hugs him, able to get his feet off the ground as Felix wriggles and clutches him out of surprise. Of course Felix lifts him with ease in return, spins him around, but that's not the point. Oliver is stronger than he looks; he wonders if he could lift you, could carry you far, if he could have dragged you if it had come to it.

Some nights he wakes up in a fright, your rapid heart rate beneath his fingers and he swears he could hear you whispering for help amid your shallow breathing. Please. Pleading. Begging. You were alive when he'd left you. He presses two finger to Felix's pulse point beside him, and tries to calm his breathing, to focus on Felix's slow, steady heartbeat.

And some days he sneaks into the computer room and curses how long webpages take to load when he looks up statistics on overdoses. Symptoms. Niche forums where he can learn what it felt like from survivors. People luckier than you. Their words, their stories, the recollections of those horrifying sensations stick with him, even as he diligently erases any trace of his browsing history.

And he thinks about how fucking long two hours is.

"Nan's coming over later," Felix tells Oliver idly one Sunday afternoon, "we're having tea of you'd like to join us." They're laying out in the grass, Oliver in the grass finding shapes in the clouds, Felix on his side, chewing on the stick of a lollypop he'd finished an hour ago and gently tracing abstract patterns on Oliver's chest.

"I thought you said your granny haunted Saltburn," when Oliver looks at Felix, he still can't help the way his heartrate picks up. Felix Catton touching him in the most gentle, caring way; he'd never stop feeling lucky for getting here, and never forget what he did to earn it.

Felix's gaze moves with his fingertips, up Oliver's warm, bare chest, twisting two fingers in the delicate chain around his throat. He looks pensive; but shakes his head after a beat.

"Different nan," he says distractedly, plastic straw trapped between his teeth. He tugs the chain experimentally, like he's forgotten it's attached to Oliver at all. He's in his head again; Felix is always in his head nowadays, but there's still often echoes of who he was, echoes of what Oliver has fallen for in the first place.

And he's finding himself falling more and more for this version of Felix too. So he tell himself that it was all worth it.

"Love," all these pet names - Love, Darling, Sweetheart - because if he slips up, tries to call him Fi, Oliver knows he'll only get ice in return, "is everything okay?" Oliver carefully reaches up to cover Felix's large, warm hand by his throat with his own. Felix meets his gaze, and gives a faint smile, an attempt to reassure him when he says he's fine. It doesn't work, but Oliver lets it go, and lets Felix tug him in by his chain for a kiss.

"Tea sounds lovely," Oliver murmurs against his lips.

There's something about this visit has Felix alive and buzzing the he way he hasn't in a very long time. Still he's quiet, but his eyes are bright as he follows behind the staff members setting up tea and biscuits in the garden. He goes through all the DVDs the family has and picks out a stack he thinks would be suitable, making sure they're all perfectly stacked by the DVD player. Oliver floats along behind him, and simply allows himself to admire Felix's energy.

Still, Felix finally takes a moment to breathe right as it becomes noon, and decides to have a bath to freshen up before his guest's arrival; two hours before she'd be here, Felix reminds him.

Two hours.

Oliver feels drawn to his own room. He doesn't allow himself to be alone in Saltburn often anymore, doesn't like the thoughts that crop up when he does. Perhaps it's a kind of punishment, a painful reminder, penance for what he's done.

There's a scrap of paper that he keeps tucked in a book in his nightstand, his own handwriting stuffed amongst a collection of Edgar Allan Poe's short stories, words he'd clung to and scribbled out the minute he'd gotten the chance so he'd never forget them exactly.

From the coroner's report, according to Duncan and Sir James. Time of Death; around 2am. Cause; narcotics overdose, and there were signs of alcohol poisoning.

On the back, he'd written '12:07'.

"Mum and dad both say it was a tragic accident," Felix's voice in the dead of night, the night they'd gotten the full report, riddled with guilt and unspilled tears, betrays his disbelief regarding the sentiment. Felix doesn't talk about how his last words to you were shouted with anger. Felix doesn't talk about how your last words to him were a desperate plea for him through tears. Felix doesn't think that it was an accident; only Oliver knows that he's almost right, just not in the way he thinks. Or dreads. But he has to bite his tongue on the truth, and let the man he loves live with this unjust guilt.

The water starts loudly draining for the tub, and Oliver isn't sure how long he's been sitting on the edge of his bed with his eyes squeezed so tightly shut, but he scrambles to stuff the page back into the book, and toss it back into it's drawer. He can smile again, and admire whatever outfit Felix chooses for the rest of the day, and pretend like he doesn't feel your rapid heartbeat or hear your shallow breathing every time he touches that paper, like he had the night he left you.

With the hour drawing ever closer to two, Felix keeps checking his watch. The minute he deems it to be time, he gives up all pretence of small talk - which had been another thing severely lacking as of late - and snatches Oliver's hand, pulling him through the house. They even outstripped Duncan and the footmen by the door when there comes a firm knock. Its the only time Oliver has ever seen any of the Cattons open the doors for themselves.

And it's not Felix's grandmother.

"Hi, nan," Felix sounds so genuinely happy as he hugs the older woman at the door with a warm smile and your eyes.

Oliver feels like he's frozen, like he's seeing a ghost. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Duncan actually standing aside, giving Felix and your grandmother a quietly fond smile.

"I swear you get taller every time I see you, oh, my lovely boy," she says with a warm laugh that sounds so damn familiar, "or maybe I've been shrinking, you get to my age and people tend to do that," and Felix laughs, actually fucking laughs. Oliver realises it's been a long time since he'd heard Felix give a proper laugh like that. As the hug ends, Felix let's her tuck her arm in his as she continues, "just you wait, one day you'll only be six-foot tall." Another laugh, and Oliver can see how genuine and broad he's smiling, how his eyes shine when their gazes meet. She's surprisingly sprightly for her age, it seems. Oliver recognises your grandmother from your funeral, but hadn't made the connection at the time, so he's surprised when Felix goes to introduce him and her eyes sparkle with recognised.

"Nan, I don't know if you've been properly introduced, but this is -"

"Your Darling, Oliver," and it's said with such warmth; her hug feels almost like home, "you strange, little thing," she laughs, "it's called a hug; are you not a hugger? I should have asked," but she doesn't apologise, nor does she let go for a few more beats. Oliver gives into this moment, closes his eyes tightly and hugs her back.

"Our Darling Oliver," Felix echoes with such admiration, and when Oliver opens his eyes, it's the first time since you'd passed where his gaze has held only the love and pride Oliver had been craving since he'd first laid eyes on him.

Once Nana - she'd insisted Oliver call her that too - lets him go, she tucks her arm in his, and is waving Felix over to her other side, briskly asking where tea was to be held. Duncan leads the way and she fawns over him too, apparently downright overflowing with love for Saltburn and everyone and everything in it. She talks more than she doesn't, but considering who Oliver is and who Felix has become, that suits them both just fine.

It's been too long since they've had tea together, she insists, and doesn't talk about why exactly that would be. She doesn't bring you up, not while you were all making your way through the house, but once she's settled outside, she takes a moment. The way she looks at Oliver in this moment makes him queasy; the smile, that look in her eyes, the way her gaze takes all of him in. A woman, whose time is so precious to her, taking her time to make him feel seen. Felix is quiet, intrigued by the exchange.

Your phantom heart beats beneath Oliver's fingertips.

"You're Y/N's grandma," Oliver says quietly, breaking the tension. Present tense still, they all play pretend. She smiles, and finally leans back. The moment is broken; Felix pours them each a cup of tea. Nana takes a jammy dodger and looks over the gardens with a smile.

"Of course, dear," she says sincerely, taking a bite of the biscuit, but being so eager to talk that she spoke through half a mouthful, "and when they were thirteen they told me I was Felix's grandmother too, because they'd overheard Felix's mum talking about how she hoped they'd get married some day." Felix snorted a laugh at that, turning pink around the ears as he prepared everyone's tea, as if on autopilot.

"Does that -" Oliver begins awkwardly, but he tries to smile, "do you think in time, they would have ask the same of you about me?"

"Considering how they spoke about you," there's a twinkle in your Nan's eyes as she turns back to him, smile knowing, "there's absolutely no doubt in my mind, my dear." All you had ever done was love him; love him and stand in the way of the love he desperately craved.

Oliver watches his tea for a long while, spinning the ornate cup on its matching saucer, while your Nana almost immediately picked hers up and took a tentative sip. Watching out of the corner of his eyes, Oliver notes the way her face goes on a journey of emotions, from pleased, to confused, to a sudden realisation as she looks to her cup.

"I should have asked you how you liked your tea," Felix realises too late, apology in his voice as Nana puts her cup down with a forlorn, yet fond look.

"No, darling, it's nice to know you know how my grandchild liked their tea," and she holds her cup delicately, looking into it's warm, brown depths, "just the same as I always made it for both of us when they were much, much younger."

"I am so sorry to ask," Oliver hears himself blurt out, unable to help himself, "but how does all this love just skip a generation?" It comes out far worse than he intends it to; he means to ask how someone so loving as you come from parents so uncaring, yet how did either of those parents turn out the way they did when the woman in front of him was clearly bursting with just as much love as you had been. Thankfully, instead of being offended, your grandmother laughs.

"My daughter is a wonderful, intelligent, compassionate, impressive woman," she begins, but sighs with unmistakable disappointment, "but my late husband was never capable of even trying to be a father over pursuing his own interests, and it's one of the few traits she actually inherited from him," she shook her head, "and she went on to fall in love with a man who loved her but suffered from that exact same defect," after a beat, she looked up with a warm, reassuring smile, "it's why I love Y/N so fiercely, and so hard," her grin turns soft and adoring, looking between the two boys before her, "the only way my daughter has ever disappointed me is as a mother, but I will never be disappointed in Y/N as my grandchild."

Oliver knows there's tears in his eyes, and Felix has ducked his head. Immediately Nan begins apologising, realising she'd set both of them off. Despite this, Oliver tries to wave her away, insisting it's fine, before he asks about her; he's heard bits and pieces he thinks, but Y/N had always been so cagey about their family. Honestly he's surprised that your grandmother knows so much about him when he feels like he's barely heard about her.

Despite turning out to be an incredibly decorated artist, with paintings selling for more than Oliver's pretty sure his own family's house is worth, your Nana is quick to downplay her own successes, simply insisting that it took decades of hard work. Again, he sees you in her eyes.

"We've got a few up around the house," Felix adds, "most of them actually from before we even met Y/N," and your Nana gives him a shove, as if flustered and embarrassed by the idea. But Felix is beaming, happy to be showing off her accomplishments, just as he always took joy in celebrating you; "there's one in your room."

"What?" Oliver asked, and your grandmother also seemed surprised, though touched by the thought.

"It used to be their room, actually, but Ollie moved in there, so Y/N was staying with me," he explains a little awkwardly, wanting to skim around as many implications as he could. Thankfully she doesn't comment. All she asks is which one. Felix and Oliver both think about the room; Felix about the few pieces of art on the walls, Oliver about your time of death in the drawer. You were alive when he left you -

"That one of the stars, and that person smoking; I think you actually gave it to them as a gift," he frowns for a beat, "for when they turned seventeen, I think?"

Oh, Oliver knows that one. It's enchanting, blues so deep, so rich it's like you could swim in them, stars that seemed to actually glow on the canvas, and the hazy, dark outline of the window in the foreground, and part of a figure against the windowsill, lit cigarette the lone spot of fire, of red or orange, that makes everything else warmer for it.

"That one really surprised me actually," Nana admits, giving Felix a shrew smile, though he only seems confused, "did they ever tell you anything about it?"

"Said you painted it for them; pretty sure I remember them crying about it," he says fondly, reminiscing, "one of the best gifts they ever got, I'm not lying, they say it every year. It's beautiful." Then, as if recalling what she'd actually said, he looks at her curiously, "surprised you?"

Her smile widened into something both knowing, and endeared.

"I asked them to send me a photo, a postcard, their very best drawing, anything, as long as it was their favourite place in the world - do you really not recognise it?" The tea and biscuits are gone by now, the tea portion of their afternoon is coming to a close. Felix shook his head, almost looking like a lost child, as if he was aware there was something he was supposed to be understanding but couldn't quite get it, "Felix, my dear boy, they sent me a photo of you; that's their dorm room window from boarding school."

Felix looks winded, and a bit like he's about to cry.

"Oh you two were impossibly sweet," she reaches over and holds his hand tightly, looking over to Oliver earnestly, "you take care of this dear boy and his heart, you hear me?"

"Yes," Oliver all but trips over his words to agree, "of course, nan." And she gives him a pleased grin.

They move indoors after this, Felix quiet but lending his arm to Nana, which she takes, while she explained that usually you and Felix would visit a few times a year when they were on break, but she thought it would be best to come to Saltburn this time, given the circumstances.

"You should come see the place when you get the chance," she insisted, patting Oliver's hand.

"It's mostly where Y/N was raised before they ended up staying at Saltburn," Felix supplied with a grin, piquing Oliver interest.

"Y/N's childhood home? Oh I have to see that," he grins, and your grandmother grins brightly for a long moment.

"I'm sure Y/N would love that, they can give you the grand tour -" but her face falters, falls, as if she'd just remembered. Sombre silence, the spell is broken. "I'd love to have you around, dear," she corrects, much softer this time.

Felix lets her pick a movie, while Oliver settles himself awkwardly on the sofa. He wants to reach out to Felix, to touch his cheek, feel his boyish smile and know that it's real. But Felix isn't really even looking at him. There's something childlike about his enthusiasm here, about how he sits on his knees on the floor, watching with rapt attention as your grandmother pores over them. He practically glows as she praises his choices. When she picks one, she hands it over and he scrambles on all fours across the short floor space to the DVD player, fumbling with the case like he can't put it in fast enough. There's a softness in your grandmother's eyes as she watches the boy who has seemingly forgotten the man he is; when she looks at Oliver, its like he sees her asking how easy is he to adore, what a beautiful young man.

"You don't mind watching a movie do you, Oliver, dear?" She asks, though it's clearly an afterthought. He's already shaking his head, assuring her it's fine. Felix is already scrambling back, remote in hand. Oliver tries to make space for him on the sofa between himself and your Nana, but he seems content to sit on the floor in front of her, leaning back against the sofa with her knees gently pressed against either of his shoulders. Handing her the remote, Felix twists to give Oliver an expectant smile.

"Come here, mate," he insists, patting his lap, his legs kicked out in front of him. At Oliver's obvious confusion, Felix blinks for a few moments. It's like he's waking from a dream. His face falls, he goes to apologise, strained smile on his face, "sorry, I know that's weird, you don't have to -"

Slowly, Oliver moves from the sofa, sitting beside Felix on the floor. Your grandmother's knee is pressed gently to his back, but he's not quite sure if he's capable of relaxing enough in this moment to mind. She's playing with Felix's hair, having already started the movie.

"This is what you and Y/N would do," Oliver said softly, and rested his head on Felix's shoulder. Felix takes his hand, and laces their fingers together.

"Do you like it when people play with your hair, Oliver?" Your grandmother asks idly.

"Um, sometimes," he answers, still feeling rather awkward. He hears her chuckle warmly.

"It's okay if you don't want me to; Felix likes it so much he lets me braid it when it's long like this."

"Oh, I know Felix loves it," Oliver hears himself agree, "if he were a cat he'd be the kind to purr any time someone scratched between his little cat ears." And while both he and your grandmother share a fond laugh, he can hear Felix's smile in his words. He gives Oliver's hand a squeeze.

"I can't even argue; I wish I could purr right now."

Oliver wants to bottle this moment forever, keep it locked tight in his chest.

But the movie is a long one. One hour and fifty six minutes. Two hours rounded up. A whole two hours. Enough time to fall asleep with his head in Felix's lap the way they both said you used to. He wakes with your heartbeat in his ears, rapid, alive, left for dead.

"You okay buddy?" Felix looks at him with genuine love and concern; it's been such a long time since he'd seen that look, even with everything that had been happening, "I'm here, you're okay," he assured. Over by the television, putting the remote back, your grandmother glances over at the interaction with a warmth that makes Oliver feel queasy in this moment.

And he'll look up from the book, from his notes from the coroner's report crammed in, obscuring the end of one story while The Tell-Tale Heart begins on the other. Felix will be getting ready for bed in the other room, but he won't sleep there. He can't sleep there. Can't sleep in that bed without you, can't move the costumes from that night that hang side by side as a reminder of the hole you'd left behind in his life. Oliver will read approximately two am in his own messy handwriting, and look at the digital clock on his bedside that had read 12:07 when he'd crashed into his room and locked the door and sunk down against it. The numbers had been shining red in the darkness. On the wall behind, that starry night sky and the hint of Felix and his cigarette; a home you'll never return to hung up in the home you'll never truly leave.

He put enough coke in that bottle to kill a fucking lion. He'd given you the bottle. He'd told you he loved you. He'd left you like that.

He knew you were dying.

He'd left you alive.

Two hours.

The book snaps shut. In the silence he thinks he hears your breathing. Please, Ollie, help. Paranoia is a cruel thing, he has to tell himself; paranoia and guilt.

"Can I ask you something?" Felix joins him just as he's putting the book back in it's drawer. Oliver, heart beat racing - never as fast as the memory of yours, oh now it's all he can think about again - nods quickly. Felix sits on the end of the bed, clearly preoccupied, fussing with the buttons of his pyjama shirt. The days are getting cooler now; Oliver misses his bare skin against his, but he still feels too precarious to make such an observation.

"It's about Y/N," Felix swallows, can't meet his eyes, "about that night." Oliver feels his mouth go dry; the worst fucking night of his life. The night he doesn't know if he'll ever figure out if he regrets all he'd done.

He nods again.

"Were you the last person they spoke to?" It's like Felix is forcing himself to not shy away from this moment, giving Oliver the attention he thinks he deserves for such an important question. Then, after swallowing hard, he can't help but drop his gaze, "why," he can barely get it out, there's already a lump in his throat, "didn't they come into the maze too?" Oliver can't even give him that.

You'd been such a mess on your way to the maze, even with Oliver supporting you. Crying, furious, apologetic; you were everything at once. Even when you couldn't bring yourself to go in, everything about you had been sliding from one emotion to the next. But then it had stopped.

"I can wait for Fi here." It's the most sure that he'd seen you all night. It's when he knew. It had to be you, even if he loved you too. He'd never forget how clear your smile was, how sincere you'd urged him into the maze to follow the tail of what he thought was right. The sight of you, waiting, obedient and loyal for your master to return; "I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

Oliver knew before he'd even entered the maze that Felix's return to you would be too late.

In the present, Felix waits too, diligent, expectant. Oliver thinks about lying. Oliver thinks about how the truth will break his heart. Oliver thinks about how close Felix will hold him in his guilt riddled grief.

"I don't think they wanted to interrupt -" Oliver tries to start, but Felix immediately swears, hangs his head.

"Can't fucking believe I did that," he spits, "I was angry, and off my fucking face, sure, but that was fucking low, even for me," he admitted, pitching himself back on the bed, whole face scrunched up with guilt, barking out an upset fuck far louder than the others, prompting to Oliver to tentatively ask what he means. Felix took a moment, as if forcing himself to calm down, before he admits, voice low like he was sharing a secret, "I never even took Eddie into the maze," he sighed. After a beat, he conceded, "no, okay I did, but we didn't do anything - we made out a bit, but -"

"You didn't fuck you ex-boyfriend in the maze," Oliver connected the dots quickly, "but you did fuck your best friend's ex-not-girlfriend who you kind of stole from them, out of spite after kicking them out of your the bed you've been sharing all Summer?"

"Fucking hell, Ollie!" Felix sounds especially wounded when he lays it all out like that.

"Sorry," immediately, Oliver apologises, knot in his stomach when he hears Felix's pained tone. He wonders if this was what it was like for you all through the night of his birthday. Fuck, he can't think about that.

"No, but you're right," Felix admits, eyes finally opening, looking all hurt and vulnerable. Oliver lays himself down next to Felix, going the other way, both of them looking up at the ceiling. Oliver's hands rest on his chest, trying again, softer this time.

"So was a special place to them?" He gets no response other than a guilty nose from Felix, "you think that's why they wanted to wait by the entrance?"

"They wanted to wait for me," Felix says weakly, clearly in his head about that night once more, "didn't want to interrupt even as I was fucking defiling our-" but he catches himself turning bitter again, mouth snapping closed, "after everything I said that night," he mumbles, "fucking hell," he chokes out. The pain in his voice is audible. This is the sweet spot, Oliver thinks.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver whispers amid Felix's faint sobs.

"What?"

"You asked me what their last words were," Oliver told him as softly as he could manage; Felix sits up, eyes wide, distraught, so full of guilt and love and - "only thing they were properly coherent about; waiting for you," Oliver props himself up, reaches out to wipe a tear from Felix's cheek.

"You're not- Ollie, please tell me you're not kidding," Felix practically begs.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver reiterates, making sure to meet Felix's gaze as he holds his face, "'s the last thing they said- they said; I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

God he can see it in Felix's eyes; it's like the man's entire world crashes down around him. But he clings just as Oliver had hoped he would. As Felix holds him tightly, Oliver can't look at the glaring, red numbers of the clock on his bedside, the constant reminder of the two hours where he could have done something. Two hours and those wouldn't have been your last words.

He looks at the painting. At the stars. At Felix and his cigarette and your idea of what home looks like. The stars look just like they did that night. Just as bright. Oliver closes his eyes. Guilt twists people into shapes they don't often recognise; Oliver just holds Felix, hopes they twist into something together.

Except Oliver's guilt isn't the kind that twists, it's the kind that bites. It's like moths, eating him from the inside out. The guilt leaves him with jagged edges and thoughts he'd rather not be having; there are shades of Felix Catton that he loves, but shame and revulsion bites just behind the guilt as the months pass and he realises more and more this is not what he wanted. This is not the Felix he wanted.

Felix is like an echo, like the sun without it's warmth; he can look just the same, smile, talk, charm just the same if it was required of him, but there was something clearly missing from every interaction. Guests to Saltburn would pull his parents aside and ask if everything was alright. He is, but he is not the same as he once was.

Every day Oliver looks in the mirror and sees something grotesque behind his eyes that no-one else seems to notice. Felix Catton was meant to be the prize, the one who tossed aside everything but the best, the one who made the world fight for his attention, and feel heartbroken when he merely looked the other way. After all this, Felix Catton was not someone Oliver expected to be bored by.

Oliver Quick had lied for, lied to, betrayed the trust of, worked to gain the trust back of, loved, made fall in love with him, and literally murdered the love of his life who he also loved and was themselves also in love with Oliver while still considering Felix the love of their life, just to get a chance to spend his life by Felix fucking Catton's side. He wasn't allowed to not want this.

Felix smiles at him, says he loves him, fucks him, but it's not the dream Oliver once had. Something is always missing. No. Oliver deliberately took that thing away. But he can never admit that, nor can he ever regret that; too far gone. Oliver doesn't want to talk about the past, Felix can't being himself to talk about the future. Trapped together in the present, living lives that no longer feel like enough. Their routine becomes suffocating. Even Venetia, the few times she's stopped back at Saltburn, can barely manage a disdainful look, as if merely inconvenienced by Oliver's presence.

The growing apathy of the estate and it's occupants is exhausting. The cost of this lifestyle has long since surpassed it's value. He's even bored of being haunted. Two hours feels like fucking nothing when the days drag on the way they have been. Behind his eyelids he doesn't see you begging for help, you hiss for him to run, to get out.

He should have listened.

"Ollie, can I show you something I found?" Felix sounds bright today, and though Oliver wants to roll his eyes at the idea of anything in this house being new or novel enough to show off, he smiles back instead.

"'course Felix, what is it?"

Except Felix isn't smiling at him. Felix is looking far more serious and determined, sitting on the edge of their shared bed. Oliver immediately frowns.

"Have you been hiding something from me, Ollie?" It's a trap; a forced confession. Oliver shakes his head, plays dumb. Felix takes a deep breath, the kind that shifts his whole body, his expression remaining firm, "before I show you this thing, I want you to be honest with me; you promised you wouldn't lie to me anymore, you remember?" Oliver tries to lighten the mood, leaning against the window with a warm smile.

"Of course, my lovely Felix, no more lying," he assures, but the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with the way Felix remains quiet.

"What's seven-past-twelve mean?" Felix is watching him closely; too closely. Scrutinising his every move. It's like Oliver's been doused in ice water, even his tongue frozen in his mouth, "and what's it got to do with what happened on the night of your birthday?"

Felix doesn't even look at the night table as he opens it; his gaze is solely on Oliver. It's clear he'd done this before, pulling out the book, flicking through it's pages, and pulling the delicate, incriminating piece of paper out from where it had been safe for so many months.

"Felix, I-"

"What does twelve-oh-seven mean?"

Oliver is the deer again, trapped in Felix's accusatory gaze. For just a moment, Felix's voice drops, pleading with him for some other explanation, that Oliver wasn't somehow caught up in what happened, more closely, more malevolently than he'd ever said -

"Tell me," there's tears in his eyes, the furious kind, the ones where he's desperate to love and hope against all odds, "Oliver," he pleads through gritted teeth, "tell me you didn't know."

"Know what?" Oliver's voice is a hoarse whisper; he knows he is caught, all he has left now is borrowed time and a desperately silver tongue he doesn't know if he can rely on anymore. But Oliver's tragically weak denial is enough for Felix to all but jump to the right conclusion.

In a rush, Felix has Oliver by the collar of his shirt, pressed to the window -

"You knew they were dying and you fucking left them there."

This is the tipping point, the end of whatever good this had been. Felix could hurt him, Felix had hurt countless people on your behalf, he'd seen it himself. But Felix had always been the bleeding heart; you were the one who had to be kept on a leash. Felix could hurt him, could probably maim him for what Oliver was about to say, but he never shared your stomach for true Machiavellianism.

"Of course I knew," Oliver managed coldly, despite Felix attempting to crush all the air from him, "the amount of coke I gave them in that champagne could have killed a rhino-" it needed to be unforgiveable, the confession, so Felix would let him leave, would never want to see him again. He hadn't expected the force of Felix's rage to have the glass behind him give out.

Oliver falls from the second story window into the hedge garden below. Felix's shouting is tearing through the whole house it seemed, making his way downstairs, while Oliver tries to regain his breath and figure out if anything's broken. He's pretty sure it's not, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt as Felix drags him by his feet from the hedges, demanding at the top of his lungs that Oliver get the fuck out of Saltburn.

Every single person who'd been in the house comes outside to view the commotion, to see Oliver struggling to his feet, to get away from Oliver. Elspeth looks helplessly between the two boys, wondering what happened -

"Tell her what you did," Felix demanded, once more getting into Oliver's space, jabbing at his chest, "tell her what the fuck you just told me -" and Oliver's strength isn't insignificant, but Felix is in a fury, flooded with rage and adrenaline, and he grabs the back of Oliver's shirt like he's scuffing a cat, shoving him towards his mother like an offering. Oliver struggles because he feels like he has to, feels wild, feels feral, but it's the most of anything he's gotten from Felix in so long. His mouth stays shut, won't give him the satisfaction of a confession.

"He killed them," Felix doesn't even let Oliver have his power play before he grows bored. He shoves Oliver just a little, grip unyielding despite Oliver's best efforts, like he means nothing to him. Elspeth and Sir James are confused, looking between them both, but Felix isn't done with stringing Oliver up for all of Saltburn to see, "Y/N; he intentionally dosed their drink and left them to die outside the maze."

The Catton parents immediately look crestfallen; it's the first time in months Oliver's felt genuine guilt again. Oliver stops fighting. Felix lets him go. Elspeth asks him if this is true; that heartbroken hope is going to make him sick.

"Just send me away already," he drops his head.

"Oliver," Elspeth's voice is firmer this time; when he looks up, she's stepping towards him, tears in her eyes despite how hard she's clearly trying to hold herself together, "is Felix telling the truth?" Is this it? Is this the final gate to his freedom from Saltburn.

"Yes."

Elspeth slaps him so hard her ring draws blood. Oliver hadn't thought that was even possible, but his head is ringing from the collision.

"Get. Out." She hisses with absolute malice as he's hunched over, clutching his face. Felix is by his mother's side in a heartbeat, arm around her, looking at Oliver with contempt. Behind them, Sir James is ordering Duncan and the other staff members to get Oliver off of the property as quickly as possible, but the look in Elspeth's eyes is burning, "this is my family, you monster."

At first, it almost feels worth it to leave Saltburn. To leave the Cattons and their bullshit and their games behind. He thinks he knows them well enough to trust that they don't want the kind of scandal a murder on their hands would be, and for the most part, he's right.

It's not the Cattons who haunt him after Saltburn, though they may be pulling the strings. It's you. It's you sitting on Felix's bed in his dorm room reading every single detail of Michael Gavey's file with threats on your tongue. It's the casual way you talked about being able to access his academic files to change his grades if he wanted. It's you, tipsy at Saltburn, admitting that you got Eddie transferred without his consent to a university on the other side of the country after he cheated on Felix with Venetia.

There's no place for Oliver to return to at Oxford... He's not entirely surprised about that, however, there's also apparently no record of him ever attending. Any calls or enquiries he makes are shut down with the kind of immediacy that seemed reserved for shows about government conspiracies. When applications open for other universities, it seems websites shut down the minute he fills out his damn name. Nowhere in the world seems willing to consider him.

Having him audited seems like overkill. When it happens the next year, despite no employer willing to even consider him for an interview, the existential dread of his situation sets in.

Felix never had the stomach to finish the job; he'd let you haunt Oliver forever.

[chicago-pd-is-weird]

Hank Voight x Fem!Reader Oneshot (Part 1)

TW: domestic violence, multiple mentions of suicide

Synopsis: Reader is being abused and feels like she has nowhere else to turn to but a dirty cop named Voight.

Part one of however many because I like this idea and want to run with it a little haha.

Maurice Owens. Gangbanger. Scumbag.

Unfortunately, you needed his help.

You walked up to him, about midnight. His bodyguards stood, showing their guns, but you weren’t scared. You’d had worse than a pistol whip or bullet hit your body. “I’m just here to talk. I don’t have a weapon.”

“Alright, and who are you, huh? Never seen you around this block before,” Maurice replied, motioning his guards to sit back down. “You come looking for something, baby? You lost?”

“I heard you’re out there on the streets. I need to get a hold of someone. Think you can help?”

“Depends on what you can give me in return, baby girl.”

You sighed softly as Maurice eyed you up and down. You didn’t think you looked that good, but some men would bang anything that breathed. “Alright, then. What’s your price for information on a cop?”

“Cop?” Maurice huffed. “I don’t know no cops.”

“Look, I’m not stupid, Maurice. Anybody who’s heard your name knows you’re in bed with some dirty cops. I’m not PD and I’m not here to report them. I want to get a hold of one. A cop who can help me.”

“What’re you trying to do? Run game on the streets?”

You shook your head, sighing again, this time louder. “Look, I just need a cop who can help get me out of a bad situation. I’ve heard the name Voight tossed around by some bangers on my block. Get me him.”

Maurice laughed. “Voight, huh? He’s not the kind of guy you find. He finds you.”

“Then tell him to find me.”

“Ambitious, aren’t you? And, what should I tell Voight, should I ever cross paths with him?”

You thought for a moment before nodding to him. “Tell him I’ll be waiting for him. 2PM tomorrow - at Butler Field.”

“Yeah? I doubt he’s going to come just for that. I mean, I wouldn’t.”

“Didn’t I say I need help? Just tell him that. If he doesn’t show, then make sure you catch the news tomorrow night. They’ll be scraping me off sidewalk somewhere in the city.”

Maurice scoffed as you walked away, but whistled to you. “Hey, how are you gonna pay for this info?”

“You only get paid if this works out for me. Otherwise, you won’t have to worry about killing me. I’ll do it myself.”

With that, you walked away, listening to Maurice and his men talk about you.

.

When you got home, you let out a breath before walking around your house and to the back steps, as quietly as possible. Slowly, you moved the knob and opened it. The creak of your back door seemed like a siren compared to the silence in your house. You let out a slow breath, opening it only as much as necessary to slip your wiry figure through it, then closing it just like how you opened it. You bit your lip and turned around, the light turning on behind you. When you turned, he was standing there, arms crossed. You looked up at him like a child who had just been caught in the cookie jar.

“Where did you go?”

“I-I just went for a walk,” you replied, your voice shaking. It was the complete opposite from the way you’d spoke to Maurice just twenty minutes earlier.

“Yeah? At midnight? Without me?”

“You… You were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you up. I just needed some time to myself, and-“

Shit.

“Time to yourself?! Huh?!” He moved forward quickly, getting into your face and pushing you against the door. His hands gripped your shoulders to pin you against the wood, squeezing hard.

“Ah-Ah, ow! Please, Jeff! P-Please, please!”

“You bitch!” His hand raised, making you close your eyes and brace just as his hand came down on your cheek.

You cried out in pain, hot tears coming to your eyes. You were exhausted despite your adrenaline pumping. You barely ate, barely slept, and his abuse didn’t help. You had bruises from weeks ago that hadn’t healed because you were so unhealthy. “Please, Jeff! Please, stop!” You just wanted it all to be over. Voight was your last hope.

“Why did you leave tonight, huh?! Who were you going to see?!”

“Nobody! I swear, nobody!” You sobbed as his fist found your ribs, making you curl in pain and collapse on the floor.

“Tell me the truth, bitch!”

He kicked you, over and over and over again. Eventually, you blacked out, bloody and bruised.

—

When you woke again, it was mid-morning. Your body ached and your head spun. You slowly say up, wincing softly at the pain. You couldn’t be too loud, or else he would do it again. You pulled yourself up, stumbling to the bathroom to shower and change.

You peeled off your clothes, whimpering softly at every movement. Dark bruises were on your bony shoulders where his hands had dug into you the night before. Your protruding ribs, similarly, had dark bruises all over them. Not to mention all of the other cuts, bruises and scars he’d laid on you the past ten years. The paper trails were scarce, since he’d always contracted an off-the-books nurse when you got real bad. He’d threatened her to keep her quiet, and always got a different one.

As you got into the shower, you felt the water run over you. It was only lukewarm, since you needed a new hot water heater, but you weren’t going to bring it up to Jeff. You shivered as you watched the blood wash from your hair, suddenly bringing your attention to the cut on your temple where his toe had caught you just right. It wasn’t too bad, but head wounds bled a lot, you knew.

After you finished your five-minute shower, you got out and wrapped a towel around yourself. You took care of your dirty clothes right away, then went to your room to find some clean clothes. When you got dressed, you let your hair stay down, to cover the cut on your head, and you wore a long sleeve and pants despite the summer heat. You glanced at the clock - it was nearly 11:15. That meant you had an hour before he got home for lunch to check on you. Despite working a nearby construction job, he always came back to check on you, making it difficult to go anywhere or do anything without him knowing. You sighed, then decided to get lunch together for him.

.

When he arrived at home, you’d already made him lunch and cleaned the evidence from the night before. You ran the wash to get the blood out of your clothes and mopped the floor near the back door. He walked in, sitting down at the table without a word. You put the sandwich and chips in front of him, allowing him to eat while you did dishes from the night before. When he was finished, you took his plate and put a list in front of him. “I’m going shopping this afternoon. Can you write down what you’d like me to get, please?”

Despite your sweet voice, he huffed. “No, just get what you usually get.”

“Okay,” you whispered in reply, walking with the paper and pen into the kitchen to start writing down everything you were low on. “Can I use the debit card, or should I put it on my credit card?”

“Put it on your card. Not mine, bitch. I make the money. Go out and get a job if you want your own money.”

“Okay…” you mumbled again, deciding not to push it.

.

After his lunch hour was over, he got up and left without a word, allowing you to get everything together to go out. You had about thirty minutes to walk to the baseball field, which you knew would take you twenty. You decided, if you were coming back, to simply make your store trip quick.

You walked as fast as you could, your movements slowed by the pain in your body. You’d only eaten a small meal that morning, one egg and a piece of toast, not really hungry in the first place.

As you approached the baseball field, your adrenaline began to pump in a new way, one you hadn’t felt in a long time. There were people all over, seeing as there was a little league game going on. You breathed shakily, sitting up on the bleachers, away from everyone else, pulling your sleeves down over your wrists. You weren’t cold, seeing as the sun was still high in the sky, but you were shaking. The shade provided some shelter from the suns rays which made you look like a ghost because of how pale you were.

You scanned the park, paranoid he would somehow find you there. When a stranger walked up and sat near you, you nearly jumped from your seat. You looked to the man, who had sunglasses on, his hair greying. He was probably around your age, or a bit older, late 40’s. You bit your lip, looking down at the sidearm on his hip, then at the star clipped beside it. You let out a breath. “Are you Voight?” You asked quietly, your voice meek.

“I am. Who are you?”

“(Y/N),” you replied. “I need help.”

“With what?”

“Look, my husband, he-“ You choked up. Suddenly, it was hard to admit. You looked away as tears blurred your vision.

Voight let you have a minute before moving up to sit beside you. “What about him?”

It was now, or never. “He hurts me…” you mumbled, turning your head back at him as tears rolled down your cheeks. “I need help.”

“You ever make a report to the police?”

“What the hell do you think I’m doing?” You huffed, frustrated.

“Look honey, you seem nice, but you should go to the district and make a report.”

You huffed. “Fuck off. I knew this was a mistake.” You got up, wincing in pain as you stumbled off of the bleachers. “Don’t be surprised if you find my body tonight, officer. One way or another.”

You walked away, shaking your head as tears streaked down your face, letting hair fall down to hide it. You heard footsteps behind you, making you stop and whip around, eyes wide. You thought maybe someone would come to put you in your place for talking to a cop, paranoia setting in.

When Voight approached, he put his hands up. “Easy, easy. I’ll help you.”

“What made you change your mind?” You wiped your face, looking up at him.

“Look at you,” he replied softly, pushing the hair behind your ear and taking your chin softly to maneuver your head, examining the cut on your temple. “What else has he done?”

You started to sob, Voight leading you to his car to sit and talk with you for a while. You explained the last ten years to him, which took nearly an hour. When you realized the time, you looked at him. “Please, are you going to help me? Because… if not, I need to get to the store. If-If I come back without groceries, he’ll have a reason beat me again.”

“Let me get you to the store, then,” he said softly. “I can help, but you’ve gotta give me a few days. I got some other things to deal with.”

“Okay…” you mumbled. “Please… don’t abandon me.”

He gently held your chin to look you in the eyes. “I won’t. I promise.”

When your glassy eyes met his deep, brown ones, you nearly got lost for a moment. He made you feel safe and warm, like hot chocolate on a cold Chicago night. You nodded slowly, reaching over to grab his free hand. “Thank you…”

.

Hank drove you to the store, then dropped you off at home just in time. Your husband arrived about ten minutes later. You put the groceries away quickly, starting on dinner. He brought home beer and some friends, like he did every Friday night. You sighed softly, but knew at least he wouldn’t abuse you too much that night until his friends left.

-

You held out hope, for days, that one day cop cars would just show up and take care of your husband. When a week passed by, you snuck out to see Maurice again, walking up to him around eleven at night this time.

“Hey baby girl, you come to pay?”

“I need to get a hold of Voight again.”

Maurice laughed, shaking his head. “You ain’t heard? Nah, baby, he got put in jail.”

You stopped, looking over Maurice again for any sign that he was lying. “No, don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t have no reason to lie, especially when you owe me.”

You huffed, shaking your head. “What did you do? Did you report him?”

“Hell no, I didn’t. Me and Voight, we had a special relationship, baby. Mutually beneficial. Now that he’s in jail, I gotta groom another dog cop into looking the other way.”

You frowned, looking at him intently. “Where is he? Statesville?”

“Yep. Got sent away for a long time, I heard.”

You couldn’t help the tears that had welled in your eyes. Voight had promised you. Was that even still a thing? You debated going to the nearest tall building to jump from, but you just wanted out. “I need another favor.”

“Baby, you ain’t paid for the last two I just gave you.”

“I’ll pay. I’m good for it. You just gotta distract somebody for me. Make sure he can’t come home for the day while I catch the bus over to statesville.”

“Are you insane? That’s a big ask, baby. I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s (Y/N). I need you to keep my husband busy tomorrow. Jeff Greyson. Don’t let him come home for a few extra hours. He likes to drink, and he even used to shoot up when he was in high school. I’m assuming you’re drug runners. Dangle a free sample in front of his nose. I’ll pay you off after this.”

Maurice cocked an eyebrow. “What’s going on that you can’t tell him? You having an affair with Voight?”

You scoffed, looking at him intently. “My husband abuses me. I’m trying to get out. Voight promised he would help. Does he make good on promises?”

Maurice slowly nodded. “Every time.”

“Then I need to see him.”

“Fine, but my rate just doubled, baby.”

—

You finally got into Statesville and were sat at a booth with a phone on either side. Voight was brought in on the other side of the glass and sat down across from you. You picked up the phone, and so did he. “What the hell happened?”

“You knew I was a dirty cop when you met me.”

“Maurice says you’re a man of your word. Is that true, or should I go looking for a tall building for a solution?”

“You need to report this to somebody.”

“I can’t. The investigation could take weeks and if he finds out, he’ll kill me first. I’d rather go out after seeing the city skyline one last time.”

Hank sighed on the other end. “Can you make it to the 21st district?”

You frowned. “I just told you, I-“

“Trudy Platt. Remember that name. I’ll have her find you.”

“Platt… okay…”

“I make good on my promises, (Y/N). It’s just going to take a little longer.”

You sighed, looking back up into his eyes. He was genuine. “Alright…” you mumbled. “Fine… who is she?”

“Trudy Platt is a sergeant in the 21st district. I’ll have her find you and work your case, personally.”

“Okay.”

“Just hold out. Has he hurt you any more?”

“Every day, Hank. Every fucking day.”

Hank sighed a little, but nodded. “Trudy will take care of you.”

—

The next few days went by without event, your hope dwindling with every punch, hit, and cut he put on you. One night, as you sat at home, straddling his lap at his request, a knock came to the front door. You jumped at the sudden knock, looking down at him to see what he wanted to do. He pushed you off him and got up, opening the door. “Can I help you?”

A man looked at him through the door, which he had only opened enough for him to be seen. “Detective Dawson. This is Detective Willhite. Can we come in?”

“No,” Jeff growled. “Do you have a warrant?”

The two detectives looked at once another, then back to Jeff. “Look,” Dawson said. “Some neighbors have called in complaints about a girl screaming here multiple nights in the past few months.”

You furrowed your brow. If that were true, wouldn’t the cops have shown up already?

“I guess the neighbors don’t realize we can still be active even though we’re in our mid and late forties.”

Willhite scoffed. “Oh yeah? Can we talk to your wife? We need to corroborate your story.”

“Sure,” Jeff said, motioning you forward. “Here, (Y/N), tell them.”

“Actually,” Dawson said, looking at you. “Standard procedure is to separate the two of you for questioning. Ma’am, could you step outside?”

“Maybe you should talk to our lawyer, then,” Jeff said with a huff, putting a firm hand on your shoulder. “Have a nice night.”

“Let the girl speak. We can’t go anywhere until she tells us what’s going on,” Willhite replied.

You let out a shaky breath, looking at the two detectives, nodding. “Yeah, uh, it’s… it’s all good… we’re just…” You cleared your throat. “… Active.” You blinked three times rapidly, three times slower, then three more times rapidly, hoping they’d catch on to it.

Dawson and Willhite looked at one another again, then each drew their guns. “Sir, we’re going to need you to step outside with us,” Dawson said.

Jeff scoffed. “This is completely unjustified. You came to my house and forced me to talk, and now you’re going to arrest me? This is not based in law. You’re going to have a six figure lawsuit on your hands now. Both of you, individually.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dawson said as he pulled Jeff out of the house, making you yelp as his grasp pushed you into Willhite on accident.

She caught you, taking you out of the way and onto the grass. “Hey, it’s okay now. My name is Jules. That’s Antonio. Platt sent us.”

You started to cry, shaking. You were barely able to breathe because of your injuries as your body convulsed with sobs. Jules helped you lay down on the grass and breathe until the ambulance arrived. Jeff was taken away in a car, while you were taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Jules sat by your side the whole time as they checked you out. Turns out you had multiple broken ribs from a few weeks ago as well as several other ailments from the past ten years that never healed correctly. You cried until you couldn’t cry any more, slowly falling asleep as Jules held your hand, Antonio and Trudy Platt talking to one another in the hallway outside your room.

[cupcakeslushie]

Any advice for someone who's going through art block?

Art block is so difficult, because I really think it’s down to each individual person finding what helps for them.

For me, I more often just try to power through. Because if I do stop to take a break, there’s a danger, where I know I’ll get stuck for weeks, just lazing about, not getting anything done. Then it’s really hard to get back in the swing of things. But this method of being stubborn, might be horrible advice for someone whose mental health really suffers from staying in that mindset of “failing, failing, failing”. Because that’s what it can feel like, when you’re not seeing the results you want. It can be very frustrating, and it either causes you to grow even more stuck, or it lights a fire in your ass to keep you going until you’ve forced it.

Both of these methods aren’t necessarily unhealthy or bad, but they simply work for you, or they don’t. And what helps, can often change based on your mindset and energy levels.

If powering through ever does fail me, (like it kinda has recently lol). Then, I’ll throw up my hands and accept that life is telling me to take a freaking break. In a week or two, I can come back when I’m rested and inspiration hits again. Because even I have points where I just have to listen to what my brain is telling me—despite the fact that all I want to do is be drawing nonstop lol.

Ill watch some tv, listen to some music, read, cook. Whatever is relaxing. And most of these things will provide me with enough chill vibes that I can jump back in when I’m ready!

It’s all about listening to yourself and knowing when to actually give your mind and body a break.

But, If you’re coming in well rested and bright-eyed, and the art block is still popping up, maybe it’s less art block, and more just your brain being slow to switch tasks. Do some warm up sketch exercises, get up and jump around to get your blood pumping. Browse your feeds for inspiration, but set an alarm to give yourself a certain amount of time so you don’t fall down the rabbit hole. Play some banging music to get your energy up. Staring at a blank, white canvas is hardly the proper kind of stimulating activity lol. You’ll rarely find any ideas that way.

There’s plenty of methods to handling art block. The real killer of it, is more when you let it pull you into this loop of self deprecation/sabotage that only gets worse the longer you sit in it. Art block isn’t failure on your part, it doesn’t need to be punished, or mean you’re lacking as an artist.

It’s an unavoidable part of the creative process, you learn how to handle it, and how to sail through it when it hits.

It’ll either blow over when it’s ready, or when you’ve developed a good strategy to hurry it along.

[rowretro]

𝕄𝔼𝕋𝔸𝕃 𝕄𝔼𝔼𝕋𝕊 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼

✧taglist✧: @baevsxii @nikisdubblchococake

✧warnings: Yandere themes, toxic themes, unhealthy love, mentions of blood, a little goofy w won

♡synopsis: Nishimura Riki. The Robot created by Yang Jungwon himself, a robot that is insanely human like, inside and out. No one could tell he was a robot. However, the Robot had possessed demonly powers, from Satan himself. So I guess you could see it's a half robot. Yang y/n, the younger sister of Jungwon finds herself stuck to this robot 24/7 no matter what she tried, he will always be by her because she's his muse, his world, his love, his obsession.

(PART 2)

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

Jungwon gasped seeing Riki carry inside the unconscious, somewhat bloodied body of his sister. "NI-KI BOT NO! HOW COULD YOU FUCKING KILL MY FUCKING SISTER?! HOW DO YOU CALL THIS LOVE?!!!" He exclaimed, mad as he searched for a weapon. "No no master Yang... she fainted. She saw me take the life of another human and fainted... nothing to worry about, I ran a body scan she was just stressed..." The robot male simply said as he softly laid her down.

Riki eyed her up and down, oh how peaceful she looked when sleeping. He cleaned himself up, taking a human shower. Even Jungwon was in utter shock seeing the robot act so human, not one bit effected by the water. Riki dried his hair as he glanced at Y/n. The girl still dressed in the bloodstained, sweaty clothes. Riki approached her unconscious figure. His hands making it's way to her shirt.

He slipped it off, Then her trousers, as he threw them in the laundry. "NI-KI bot. I need to run a test on- AH WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER... I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF A ROBOT IS ABLE TO MAKE A BABY, BBUT I KNOW MY SISTER CAN'T CARRY A CYBORG CREATURE INSIDE HER." Jungwon yelled as the robot ignored him, clean clothes at hand. "Do robots even have hormones?... hey I need to run a few tests on you so hurry up and don't hurt my sister." Jungwon warned.

The robot remained silent, carrying her to a very fancy, and wonderfully scented bath tub. "God fucksake what did I fucking create... who's the fucking mom- why does it have human parts-... did he steal someone's heart literally- what the fuck is fucking going on-" Jungwon mumbled to himself. Eventually, Y/n woke up. She was clean, dressed in one of her nightgowns and tucked into her bed comfortably. Maybe she was just having a nightmare?

The clothes in her laundry bag said otherwise. Y/n walked down the hallway and glanced into Jungwon's lab. Sitting there was Riki himself a few wires connected to him as Jungwon ran through a few things on a few computers. "It's fucking unbelievable... he's half Man half robot... practically- but that's impossible..." Jungwon mumbled as Y/n stood there, creeped out by the way Riki turned to her. "W-won... you're doing a really bad job as a brother... Either you're careless, irresponsible and shit at science, or you're so over protective to the point you wanted to make my future husband." Y/n said.

"Well... I don't know what you want me to do... if it was a robot completely- I can turn it off, dismantle it and melt it with acid or some shit..." Jungwon started as the robot turned it's head to Jungwon. "B-But- he's not just robot so I can't... a-also I think he's a great guy- he literally dressed you and didn't even hurt you or yknow... glaze your donut?" Jungwon added as y/n stared in shock, throwing her small teddy bear at him.

"OH MY GOD. BAD BROTHER BAD BAD BAD- FIRST YO U LET THAT MURDEROUS LAB RAT FREAK OF NATURE TOUCH ME AND YOU'RE LETTING HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS???" Y/n exclaims as Jungwon scratched his head. "Sis... I tried EVERYTHING. He's just impossible to get rid of trust me..." Jungwon added as Riki stared at him "HEY I'M TRYING TO SUPORT YOUR CASE HERE-" Jungwon yelled, raising his arms in defence.

"HIS CASE? HE IS MEANT TO BE JUST A HUMAN LOOKING LAPTOP." "OH MY GOD Y/N, NI-KI BOT LISTEN. I'M JUST TRYING TO CO EXSIST AND NOT GET MURDERRED. PLEASE." Jungwon finally yelled as y/n sighed. Riki got up when the wires were removed, his hand resting against the wall, his face leaning into hers. "So beautiful up close... Never seen something so beautiful, you can check my database for proof if u want." He simply said as Y/n rolled her eyes.

"You want to feel my kiss? boy you can't touch this." She simply said, her hand softly pushing his chest away. The robot found her cute, following her around everywhere, watching as she pours herself a glass of water, staring in the mirror, pouting and twirling her hair. Or even when she's just randomly working out, or making a snack. "Can you like stop staring?" she asked annoyed as he blinked. Riki then took a seat beside her. "Why don't you love me?" The robot asked as Y/n rolled her eyes. "NI-KI bot.... You're creepy, weird, a robot and in no world is it ever normal for a human to love a clunk of metal." She simply said.

"So you're saying, it isn't love because I can't shed blood for you?... It isn't love because when we kiss there won't be saliva?... Technology's improved darling... and My name is Riki do not call me NI-KI bot." He said, his voice going a whole octave deeper as he slit the skin on his arm, real blood dripping out the slit, the cut itself looking like a human's. "Now should we test with the kiss?" he asked his head tilted a little, as he stared intensely at her. "N-No NI-KI- I-I mean Riki.... you just stay here..." Y/n simply said as she ran off into her bedroom.

Y/n checked that he didn't follow her, and shut her room door. She made her way to her bedroom window, opening it as she looked down. The coast is clear. So she jumped, expecting to have a fairly painful landing that'll be less impactful by the bushes. However, her landing was a little softer. She found herself, staring directly into Riki's eyes as she was indeed in his arms. "Where we off to pretty baby?" The robot man asked, his eyes darkening as he carried her in.

✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧♡✧

[farfromstrange]

Lizzi's Kinktober 2023

Day 3: Cockwarming

October 18th, 2023

Main Masterlist | Kinktober Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader (use of "good girl")

Summary: Matt is always working, but you need him. So, he gives you what you want. Sort of. But not really.

Warnings: EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT (18+ MINORS DNI), cockwarming, praise, use of "good girl", teasing, slight Dom!Matt, not proofread (I sense a theme here)

Word Count: ~970

A/n: This is a drabble again, and I am so sorry for not posting it yesterday. I finished it and then I fell asleep. Oops. I caught a cold and I am so tired, so I hope this can live up to expectations once again.

Matt’s working. 

He’s always working. Either on a case or out on the streets as the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. The protector. There are only a handful of moments when you have him all to yourself, and sometimes you have to beg for it and hope he caves. 

Just like tonight. 

He’s been working again. He’s been working ever since he came home. He told you he would have to go out at some point that night, possibly after you’ve gone to bed. Maybe he’ll cuddle you, but that is never certain. You can hope, you can pray, but you can never be a hundred percent certain that he will be there.

But you love him. 

You don’t care that he is gone a lot because when he isn’t, he makes up for the time he missed. He treats you like you are an angel on earth. That’s what he calls you often enough.

Angel. Sweetheart. Divine. Heavenly. He loves you more than you’ve ever been loved. He would go to the ends of the earth with you. But you can’t make him stop something that sustains him. You understand. You really do.

He’s doing something to help people, and if you have to spend a night or two alone, so be it. Not everyone could do what he does, and that’s as much a blessing as it is a curse. He has to do it or he will lose himself. Maybe it’s an addiction, maybe it’s unhealthy, but you love him and your love has survived much worse than that.

Still, there are times where your needs become a little too hard to ignore, and most of the time, they take over.

Sometimes, the little voice in your head gets stronger than your common sense, and you become needy. You become so needy, Matt can’t tell you no because deep down, he loves it when you get needy.

It’s the easiest way to distract him, being needy. It’s the easiest way to get him to pay attention to you, yet at the same time, it makes him just want to take care of you in ways he too often neglects. 

Matt has been sitting at the dining table, typing away on his laptop as he listens to witness testimonies on his latest case for what feels like an eternity.

As the time dragged on, you eventually started shifting on the couch, watching him, trying to get his attention. When that didn’t work, you started sighing. It took about thirty minutes until his low voice rang out, “Come here.”

And that is how you ended up here. Part of you regrets it now that you have been teasing him so relentlessly, but you couldn’t stop. You had to do it. This is your compulsion.

His hard cock is nestled deep within your slick folds as he’s got you seated on his lap, chest to chest. He’s so deep inside of you, you can feel him in your very soul.

Your walls are so tight around his girth, you can feel his veins pulsating every time you try to shift your position. You’re clinging onto him for dear life, your head on his shoulder, and he just types. He types away on his laptop as if he isn’t buried completely inside of your wet cunt. The clicking sound is slowly starting to drive you crazy. It’s his moans you want, the sound of skin slapping against skin, not whatever this is.  

It’s torture, to say the least.

“If you’re so needy, you can keep me company while I finish this report,” he said to you after he called you over to him. 

You thought nothing of it until he grabbed your waist and pulled you closer. 

“You can keep my cock nice and warm for me until I’m done, and then I’ll fuck you, baby. I promise. I just have to do a little more work.”

You shouldn’t have pushed him, but God, you love what he feels like inside of you. 

You shift again. His left hand flies to your hip, stopping you. “Don’t move,” he says. “I’m not done yet.”

Your moan is muffled through his dress shirt. “Please, Matthew,” you whine. 

“No.”

Oh, he’s cruel. He’s so, so cruel. 

He knows exactly what he’s doing, too. His rough hands alternating between gently resting on your thighs, stroking up and down, and his nose burying in your hair to breathe in your scent—and every time your clit bumps against his pelvis, you can’t help but moan and seek more friction. But when you do, when you move to seek friction, he stops you time and time again because, “I’m not done yet.”

When will he be done? 

Every time he breathes, every time he talks, his cock moves just a little deeper. He presses against that sweet spot inside of you entirely unintentional, but he knows instantly what effect it has on you.

At this point, you’re sure he’s teasing you. He’s doing this on purpose. Is he even working? You’re sure he can’t be. 

“So beautiful,” he whispers into your hair. “And so good for me. I’m almost done.”

“You’ve said that before,” your voice is hoarse, breathless, on the edge of breaking. 

Matt only chuckles, tilting your head back to give you the softest of kisses. Suddenly, you’re not so mad anymore. The pleasure that simple kiss sends straight to your already dripping cunt, coating his cock in even more wetness and allowing him more leeway as he shifts in his seat now, forcing you closer together—it is inhuman. You moan into his mouth, and the kiss turns heated. 

You are so needy. Maybe he is getting desperate too. He’s kissing you back a bit more forcefully, and you’re sure he’s about to lose it. But then he stops, pulls back, and focuses back on the Braille on his keyboard.

“Be good,” he tells you. 

You try. You really are trying, but it seems nearly impossible. You still bury your face back in the crook of his neck, and you try to breathe. 

The rubberband in the pit of your stomach tightens with every passing second, threatening to snap. Your nerves are on fire. Your muscles are sore. You can feel yourself tensing up, trying not to move, trying not to make a sound…The relief is too far away, still.

“That’s it. Good girl.”

You’re done for. Your teeth sink into his shoulder, and the lewdest moan escapes your lips. 

“You like that?” Matt asks. “Being called a good girl? My good girl? Is that it?”

He shifts again. It’s better than nothing. It soothes the ache in your core, but as soon as he stops, it multiplies. 

“Yes,” you breathe. 

“Then be good just a little longer for me, sweetheart, and I’ll give you exactly what you need.”

You’re going to hold him to that. 

Matt Murdock Smut Tag List: @acharliecoxedfan @gpenguin666 @linamarr @mcugeekposts @itwasthereaminuteago @ravenclaw617 @mattkinsella @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @etanordoesbullsh1t @thychuvaluswife @harleycao @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch

Also tagging: @blackshadowswriter @1988-fiend

[simpfordemetri]

No need for perfection- Jane Volturi

⟳ & ♥︎

TW: Mentions of binge eating

Request by Anon: Hi! I've been lurking on here a while and love your work. The Volturi aren't loved enough, especially Jane. Can I request a one-shot of Jane? Preferably one where the reader is dealing with insecurity, so Jane tries to make her feel better. Sorry if it's been written before!

Being in a castle full of perfect people who resulted to be vampires wasn’t easy ,less when you are still humanly imperfect. Your skin wasn’t clean and porcelain looking , your lips were often chapped due to the hot of Volterra , your hair didn’t look perfect and most of the time it was messy and you often need to use your glasses which you don’t particularly like .

You were surrounded by perfection and angelical features ,god ,even their voices were flawless .Even if you look closely for details you didn’t find anything out of place.

And with that ,many insecurities appeared in your mind ,trying to look for solutions ,buying loads and loads of make-up or giving a chance to try and use eyes contacts so you didn’t have to wear your glasses.

Your actions seemed unnoticeable, for you at least ,because Jane;your mate, could tell everything that was going on .She knows you like she knows the palms of her hands ,she always know what’s happening just by hearing you breath. However ,she didn’t say anything, not yet.

But everything became too much when you started to skip meals ,but then you couldn’t contain your hunger and ate an unhealthy amount of food until you were physically sick . Food wrappers were founded everywhere in the room ,your intents of hiding them useless . And Jane was finally loosing her mind as she was watching you fall into a rabit hole more and more everyday .And the worst part ,she doesn’t know how to help or what was happening .

Research was done by her ,even using the help of her biggest fear ,technology, she read a bunch of articles finding about Binge eating and the consequences of it .Her stomach sunken at the sudden feeling of how bad you might feel .Eating until your stomach can’t take more and then dealing with the pain ,the distress and sleeping out until you feel a bit better.

Jane wasn’t the best helping or calming down someone ,it wasn’t her forte. She is used to deal with feeling by shutting down and throwing a tantrum .But you weren’t like that and humans emotion were pretty different in her opinion.

Preparing herself and thinking about what she is going to say and being careful about her words ,she finally knock on the door of your shared room ,waiting for you to invite her inside.

Sitting on the bed next to you and grabbing your hand in her ,interlocking each other fingers while her gaze meets yours directly. She sighed trying to find the words to start the awkward but necessary conversation.

-I…I might have noticed what you are doing to yourself ,Y/N- Her angelical voice sounded like a whisper ,however you were able to listen to each word she said .

You didn’t talk, your eyes giving a confused look encouraging her to explain herself.

-Your recents eating habits aren’t healthy ,you are hurting yourself and I know looking for a solution right away might be difficult, so for now I just want to understand what is going on in that beautiful mind of yours ,Cara Mia-

You stayed silent for a few minutes ,secretly mad at yourself for letting your beautiful mate noticed and worrying her ,and also trying to find the answer to her question .

-I…I really don’t know how to answer you Jane. I suppose i have been feeling a bit bad lately, being surrounded by perfection and ethereal looks ,and then there is me , a simple human walking through this big castle being completely lost on what is going on .Things have go put of control I’m not going to lie .I’m so sorry-Your voice cracked in your last words ,looking sorry at her as your eyes were covered by tears.

-My beautiful love, you are the only thing I need and completely perfect by my eyes .However ,little human, perfection is subjective ,I don’t like perfection as anyone is complete perfect even if they think so .You have no need of hurting yourself like that as a form of punishment .And by that darling ,you are MY simple human. -Her lips turned into a soft smile as she grabbed your face pulling you close to her .

A very gentle and soft kiss was planted on your lips ,her hands caressing your cheeks as she falls on top of you laying both of you in bed ,decided to show you how precious you are .

[wilbiegxlibi]

My cccc doods [VCR] story summed up :3

Its called vcr because im silly and I like it :3

In their little narrative Remus [mind] was made first and has been in charge the longest with Vinny (heart) and Cynical {soul} giving their opinions at the council. It's not working out the best because Remus is too anxious to handle that much by themselves and never asks for help but they're coping and pretending enough that the other two don't really notice or care.

Vinny and Remus are constantly arguing, Cynical just wants a "normal fucking family" for once, no one listens to Cynical because he's the sucky bastard middle child. He gets really depressed, they all hate each other but they're living considerably all right.

That is until external stimuli (quarantine) sends all of them into panic mode. shits goin insane, everyone's going insane. Vinny and Remus are arguing about EVERYTHING and Cynical and Vinny shit talk him and Cynical convinces Vinny that Remus is a bitch and needs to be knocked out of power because he's not good for Whole etc etc. Vinny agrees cause Remus is an asshole, but when they go to make him step down Cynical takes out alllll of his insecurities and lack of power or control on Remus and tries to KILL him. ((NOT PART OF THE PLAN!!!)) so Cynical beats the shit out of Remus and stabs him and shit [Dubbed the viewfinder incident because he's cutting him out of view.] and ends up bleeding and shit cause no duh he's injured. But Vinny and Cynical have never seen him injured before, because they thought he was invincible and all high and mighty! and because Vinny gets scared and doesn't help Cynical he's only able to wound Remus super bad and as extra measure he throws him into the PIT. Cynical is a bit pissed that Vinny didn't help him MURDER HIS OLDER BROTHER but whatever. Vinny's like holy shit dude you just fucking holy shit holy shit Cynical's in charge now. He parties and has a great fucking time while Vinny's freaking out because he just wanted to shift the dynamics a little bit and now Remus is GONE and "(oh gee whilickers this is bad)" Cynical tells him to lighten the fuck up, and whole starts getting REALLLLLLY UNHEALTHY. Cynical is not good at running the show, he's incompetent, and refuses to acknowledge any of it/doesn't realize how bad he is at it and genuinely thinks he's the best for them. he overindulges, and even though Vinny's supposed to be assisting him he just shoves him off and does everything himself. Vinny realizes there is a problem, and goes to find Remus for advice/assistance since Remus is his older brother and he looks up to him for what to do since he's always been in charge. he gets to the PIT and Remus is still FUCKKKKKEDDD UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. Vinny is freaking the fuck out again because he's never seen Remus injured like this before and is losing his shit that he hasn't somehow healed super quickly or something because he literally views him as superhuman. Remus finally fucking admits that he's not okay and that he's not perfect and that he needs help, and Vinny helps him. They get Remus all patched up, and taken care of and Vinny sits with Remus for a bit and comforts him and they talk until-

UNTIL Cynical notices he's gone. *ominous drone* oh shit moment CYNICAL IS FREAKKKING THE FUCKKKK OUT he looks for Vinny everywhere and he's been neglecting him this whole time and oh shit little brother gone little brother gone. he checks the pit and Vinny's there with Remus. Now he's not worried anymore, he's PISSSEDDDD. He views this as a betrayal, and as Vinny not being there when HE needed him, and {{WHY ARE YOU EVEN HELPING HIM, HE DOESNT WANT/NEED YOUR HELP. HE'S ALWAYS BEEN BETTER THAN US AND HE CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. I NEEDED YOU MORE THAN HE DID AND YOU WEREN'T THERE}} yada yada yada

Vinny's like "woa dude I care about both of you" cynical tries to make him CHOOSE. Remus steps in he's like "hey dude it's not that big of a deal he was just helping me-". Cynical tells him to shut the fuck up, and starts trying to beat him up again cause he's mad, Vinny protects Remus. cynical turns on Vinny instead. This is when the thing dubbed the PURBLIND occurs.

Cynical goes into a fit of rage and ends up gouging Vinny's eye out, and throws him down and leaves him in the PIT as well. He feels slightly bad after it but he's honestly too caught up into his bs now to do anything about it. Remus fucking hates him now because he doesn't care too much about himself but Cynical hurt Vinny and that was the last straw for him.

While they're in the PIT together Remus takes care of Vinny cause holy shit Cynical just poked his eye out. They're getting along after a long time and finally bridge the older younger brother gap and form a tight bond with one another. Vinny's too scared to go back and they sit in the pit together for a while and comfort one another.

MEANWHILE CYNICAL'S GOING FUCKING MAD THINGS ARE NOTTTTT GOOD WHOLE IS PLUNGED INTO DEPRESSION AND CYNICISM {wow wow suprise surprise} AND MAAAAAAAAAAAAAYBE A LITTLE BIT OF UNHEALTHY LISTERINE DRINKING AND A LOT OF SUICIDAL TENDANCIES....

CYNICAL FUCKING SUCKSS AT DOING THIS ALONE AND HE'S TOOO DAMN FAR IN TO ADMIT OR CARE AT THIS POINT HE'S HELLBENT ON EITHER FUCKING AROUND AND FINDING OUT, OR CRASHING THE CAR AND TAKING EVERRRYONE DOWN WITH HIM

Vinny and Remus form a plan, and decide that they need to get cynical away from whole and talk him down, they decide to go for him together and with a combined effort they end up restraining him, locking him up in a cage, and they give him HIS turn in the pit.

Cynical has a whole "oh damn" arc while he watches Vinny and Remus recover, and whole start to heal. He's no longer under the pressure of being in charge and realizes that maybe it isn't good for him to have that much power.

At the same time Remus asks for help from Vinny and even those two can't seem to handle all of it by themselves, and they start to really miss cynical and get really sad about it.

So after like a year of all of them sitting and Cynical cooling down, they go and get him, everyone apologizes, everyone makes up, Vinny makes tea, Remus draws drawings, and they start trying to get along again and it works!!

:D they have more of an inside out control method now and it's a good system and they check and balance each other and woohoo!

They all sing welcome to tally hall (can I get a c) and hold hands and dance around in a circle or square or triangle or whatever.

And that is the end for now :3

[yourfavoritewriter69]

unhealthy obsession

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n hi guys thank you for all the love and support i dont really think i have any other updates so enjoy this chapter :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part one

part two

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TW: sexual content, kissing, touching, teasing, thoughts of murder, adult language. Let me know if there is anything else!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part three: you ignored me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Charlie haven’t had a conversation about the kiss you guys shared before he took you home. Well, who am I kidding that wasn’t just a kiss y’all fucking made out.

But you couldn't stop thinking about the way he made you feel his hands on your waist just the thought of him touching you in any way made your heart race. As you think about this for like the 100th time today the bell rings. It was the last period of the day and now it was over. Charlie usually walks with you to the cinema club but today he walked right past you like you didn't even exist. You felt your heart drop and part of you wanted to cry and the other part didn't wanna jump to conclusions but today had already been ruff so you decided you didn't even wanna bother going to the cinema club today.

You enjoy it but you only joined because you wanted to get to know Charlie more and in all honesty, you couldn't stand going and seeing him flirt with Kirby. You didn't understand why he was trying so hard with her. It made you feel jealous but it made your blood boil at the thought of him kissing her or touching her god what the fuck. Why did he kiss me you thought. You walked out of the class and headed down the hallway almost making it out the door before you hear a familiar voice say

“Hey you know Cinema Club is in the other direction right?” it was said in a sarcastic tone. You turn around to face Kirby. You didn't have a reason to be mad at her it's not like she knows you and Charlie made out or that you may be a little obsessed with him.

A little is an understatement you have an unhealthy obsession with this boy. You swallowed your pride and said. “haha yeah I know just not feeling it today” you said with the most convincing fake smile. She saw right through you. “y/n what's wrong?” right after she said that Charlie walked out of an empty classroom all out of breath with messy hair. Now that you think about it Kirby looked out of breath too and her shirt was all messed up.

You put two and two together and your heart sank. You looked at Kirby and then Charlie “I'm okay Kirby ill talk to you later” you said while choking down tears. You walked out of school making it halfway to your car before you completely broke down crying you continued walking to your car while hyperventilating.

You got in your car and sat there in tears. You felt so mad and jealous and you had this blood-boiling anger inside you and you didn't even wanna say it but at that moment you wanted to fucking kill that bitch. You thought to yourself there's no way she doesn't know that I like him. Wait What the fuck HE FUCKING MADE OUT WITH HER AFTER ME AND HIM MADE OUT. gross.

You wanted to puke. With all these thoughts racing through your head you were a complete mess makeup running down your face but then a knock on your car window. You look over to lock eyes with Charlie.

He gives you an apathetic smile and gestures to your window. You roll it down and he asks if he can sit with you. You say yes and he walks around the car opens the door and sits in the passenger seat next to you. “y/n what's wrong?”

you can't even look at him “it's nothing” you say while looking at your lap and playing with your fingers. “y/n look at me.”

you slowly look over at him. “I'm okay it's okay,” you say while tears rolling down your cheeks. “bullshit please tell me I'm right here im listening im here” “It just today was a shit day and you know fucking what I was looking forward to cinema club and then you walked right past me as I didn't even exist charlie” you saw his eyes become more apologetic and he felt horrible because he knew what was coming next.

“A-And you and K-” he cut you off. “I'm so sorry, I fucked up I know I've been literally obsessed with her forever and today she asked me to meet up with her before cinema club and I just took my chance” You stared at your lap. “okay” That was you could say at the moment because you felt so mad even though you and charlie arent even dating you guys made out once. “y/n”

he wanted to say something important but said sum else instead “Saturday night is the Stabbathon I want you to come please” “Why” you looked at him.

he smiled and said “Because y/n I want you there I want to be around you please go ill pick you up beforehand just please” you heart rate sped up a bit because of the way he was begging you to go your immediately thought about what it would be like to have him begging and whimpering in front of you. You gulped and came back to reality. “okay fine Charlie”

“Thank you thank you thank you also I'm so sorry about today I want you to know I fucked up I like you I don't like her” he wouldn’t stop ranting so you leaned over to put your hand on his cheek. you made eye contact with him. he stopped talking and his breath quickened “It's okay Charlie I promise”

“I-I just” he stuttered but you cut him off “Shh shhh I know it's okay Charlie” Your hands traveled down his chest and to his pants, he whimpered and completely melted under your touch. You stopped at his belt wanting to undo it. You look up at him. he whines and loses contact. “why did you stop ”

You wanted to but you guys were literally in the school parking lot. “Charlie, we can't do this here” he realizes what you mean. “your right” You kiss him one more time before saying “Can I take you home?”

“yes please I don't feel like going back in ill just text Robbie and tell him I didn't feel well” You agreed and you drove him home. You made a joke about him being a passenger princess. “ha ha very funny more like passenger survivor” he started laughing. you jokingly gasped “Wow last I drive you anywhere” you smiled “Good because I want you to be my passenger princess,” he said while his hand found your thigh “Hey hey hey I'm trying to drive quit distracting me” even tho you know damn well you didn't want him to stop.

You made it to his house. You got out and gave him a hug you had your arms around his neck and his hands on your waist. He was hesitant at first until you whispered in his ear “You can put your hands on my waist Charlie it's okay I promise” This made him blush but he did as he was told.

You said your good byes. You drove home and went inside to greet your aunt. “hiii im homeee”

she smiled “Hi honey how was your day?” you smiled and gave your aunt a hug l “It was good just very draining is it alright if I go up to my room?” “yes of course” she smiles as you make your way up to your room

The next day flew by it was now 5 o’clock you had cleaned your room and unpacked all of your stuff you were looking through your closet when you hear your phone ding.

“Hey! It's charlie, I wanted to make sure you still okay with me picking you up tonight. Is 6:45 okay?”

“hii Charlie yes 6:45 sounds good see you then :)”

You smile and then realize oh fuck I need to get ready. fuck fuck fuck. you look in the mirror and then back to your closet. You are frantically trying to find something to wear almost bringing you to tears when you hear a knock at the door.

“hey honey is everything okay?”

“hi no not Charlie is picking me up in like an hour and I can't find anything to wear to the stabbathon party thing he invited me to” You were rambling and trying not to have a freaking mental breakdown when your aunt stopped you. “honey hey its okay take a breath I'm sure I have some in my closet lets go take a look hm?”

you took a deep breath and then a sense of peace came over you “Okay okay thank you” You followed your aunt into her room and you sat on the end of her bed. She goes into her closet and comes back out with a skin-tight cocktail dress. Your jaw dropped. “how about this? would you wanna try it on?” she said with a smile. You got up and grabbed the dress “Oh my god YES THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU”

“of course, honey go try it on and show me how it looks” You nod and smile. You go back to your room and try the dress on. It comes down to your mid-thigh. You look in the mirror amazed at what you see. You don't wanna wear heels because you figured you don't want your feet to hurt a few hours from now so you just put on your black Converse which still looks good with the dress. You finished doing your hair and makeup and walked out of your room to show your aunt.

“LUNAAA LOOK LOOK” She sees you walking down the stairs and a huge smile goes across her face. “You look stunning y/n” you smile “Thank youuuuu” You check your phone and its 6:40. You look in the mirror one last time check to make sure you have everything and say bye to your aunt.

“okay honey have fun text me when you get there and please be home at a reasonable time I love you” you agreed and walked out the door at the perfect time because charlie was just pulling up.

[hanasnx]

OMG BRO I JUST READ YOUR LAST TWO ON ANAKIN BEING "GROSS" 🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️ what if i just moaned. What if i barked. I dont even have words. Could you elaborate on dripping wax on him? Smth about wax play makes me wanna scream 🤤

-🧮

anakin is fucking nasty during sex its part of his sex addiction and his unhealthy coping mechanisms. wax play is one of those things he tries bcos hes fascinated mixing pain and pleasure and the worse it hurts the closer he gets to finishing tbfh (i wouldnt put it past him to have an orgasm as you beat him the fuck up,,, consensually ofc)

prev post one ⟹ two

excerpt from: “anakin’s kinks”

☥ wax: he wants you to drip it on him, he likes the way it stings and burns and the hiss of pleasure he emits when you let him jack himself off for being such a good boy for you

“Easy— easy,” he chastises, the muscles in his abdomen tensing.

“Are you done?” you ask, awaiting the utterance of his safe word while the candle remains suspended above him, but tipped back to ease its trickling.

Sweat beads on his furrowed brow, too concentrated to spare you more than a glance. “No, no, of course not.” You deduce he’s masking his tone to give you the impression he’s fine enough to continue. For the truth, you flicker your gaze to the tent in his pants, just to confirm he’s into this. You slow your movements, so the candle’s spilling percolation is not so rapid, one drop at a time. Anakin throws his head back, fisting the waistband of his boxers for purchase. “It burns,”

A wry laugh chuffs out of you, “Yeah, baby, it’s supposed to. Sit still,” You watch with fascination how the wax collects in the crevices of his muscle to harden. Some land on his side, sliding down.

He squeezes his eyes shut, thrashing his head side to side, breathing hard. “Is it supposed to be this hot?”

You can’t help but be amused, tilting your head at him, pupils dilated at the sight of your lover going out his mind. “Are you telling me you can take on the heat of battle but you’re fussy over a little candle?”

He peeks at you. “It’d help if I could touch myself.” he whimpers, that sweet sound sending a shiver right down your spine straight to your core.

The countenance you wear offers him clarity as to what you want from him.

“Please?”

You press your lips together to hum in thought, and punctuated it with dipping your hand to trail wax up his chest, dangerously close to his areola.

He whines. A sharp breath hitching in his throat as he steels himself from the pain.

You shift in your seat to settle that ache in between your legs listening to him make a fool out of himself. “I suppose you’ve earned it.”

His herculean front curls in the most picturesque way, tense muscles folding over themselves looks good enough to eat. If only this substance was edible…

He pushes his boxers down, his throbbing cock springing free. So desperate, he licks his hand to slick up his member, mixing it with his leaking pre-cum. You’re entranced, but it doesn’t prevent you from continuing your task. He relaxes into the bed as soon as he gets a steady rhythm going, until he gets close with the use of the wax, spasming as his arm alternates from slower to quicker speeds.

A glint in his eye shifts to something darker, as he grabs hold of your wrist. “More,” He ignores your questioning expression. “like you did before.”

You obey, pouring the candle’s remnants onto the path in between his pecs and abs. He hisses, and you can’t tear your gaze away from how his cock spurts thick ropes of milky cum all because he was tortured a little.

[yumizcorner]

I need a big boy~

Seo Changbin x Reader

!!fem reader | slight size kink | slight dirty talk!!

Thick. Buff. Needed. That was all y/n had in her head when she saw Changbin working out in front of her. She was a staff member of skz and was pretty new there as it was still her first month of working. Actually she was supposed to be a part of the general staff but she somehow ended up being the second hand of straykids' manager. Her job was it to watch after the boys and make sure that everything is how it’s supposed to be and that also included watching the boys workout. Some of the boys liked it more to work out at night or early in the morning and since Han hurted himself lightly once wich caused jyp to get a staff member that‘ll look after them.

Y/n didn’t get why it was her job to do that since she had no idea of sports but the manager just told her she should tell them to be careful and stop if it looks unhealthy.

Y/n usually didn’t like to do this job. Getting up early in the morning or in the middle of the night,only sitting around and waiting for the time to pass and getting scared when one of them made a weird noise wich caused her to be scared to lose her job if they got hurt,all of those things made her be annoyed of this part of the job but she really needed the money…besides that it also had its good sides. For example having an excuse for staring at them. Y/n couldn’t deny how good they looked while working out,especially Changbin caught her eye. She never really had a thing for buff guys or anything like that. She didn’t hate it but it was also not a must have but when it came to Changbin it truly did something to her.

The way he jokingly flexed his biceps to his other members made her go crazy. The thought of how easy he could just hold her somehow made her feel her cunt throb. Imagining how thick he perhaps is and how good he would stretch her walls. She knew that she shouldn’t think such things but come on everybody else would’ve at least done that one single time.

„Are you okay y/n?“ Felix asked as he sat down next to you. You scooted your head towards him,suddenly leaving your dreamworld. „Y-yeah I was just…“ you moved your eyes back to Changbin who was still working out. „thinking?“ I laughed a bit as Felix tried to finish my sentence since I trailed off. „Yes. Thinking.“

You we‘re pretty close with the members even you just knew each other for one month,I mean you‘re with them almost all of the time. You sometimes even sleep at their dorm to be there for them if they need something. Anyways,to be honest they were to kind to actually make you do your job. It felt more like you were one of them since they sometimes served you instead of the other way around how it was supposed to be like.

„I know how that feels. I got that too you know. Sometimes I daydream of how I walk on a meadow wich is full of flowers with a few bbokari‘s on my arms and shoulders while a ton of leebits and quokkas are hunting me and then I trip and they smother me with kisses and hugs and….“ you kept on making agreeing sounds,making Felix think that you actually listend to him but you stopped doing that minutes ago. Even if you wanted to listen to him,you just simply couldn’t because all you could focus on was Changbin.

Felix kept on rambling on you while you daydreamed of Changbin. Out of nowhere he lifted his gaze up at you. He was lifting some weight with his one arm,the other placed on a weightlifting bank for support. His gaze was downwards but shifted up at you,he glanced through a few sweaty strands of his hair wich fell onto his forehead. His hair was pretty long these days since they had a few days off and just did what they wanted; going to a hairdresser didn’t count to those things. However,he looked breath taking. The tight shirt clenched around his flexed muscles so good,for a second you thought you could just cum from that sight. She was so stunned from his look right now, that she couldn’t even realise that Changbin was still watching her,smirking darkly. You still didn’t move your gaze wich caused him to scoot his eyes to the side for a short second before looking back at you,poking the inside of his cheeks with his tongue. Everything he did made you lose your mind. At this point you were soaking wet already and if the other members weren’t around then you could’ve sworn that you would’ve got on your knees and pleaded at him to just fuck you senseless.

You’re mind got completely blank as Changbin set down everything and walked over to you and Felix,who was somehow still talking. „It’s your turn sunshine.“ he said wich made Felix sigh. „okay…i‘ll tell you the end of the story some other day then.“ you just nodded. Felix walked pass Changbin who came closer to you. You expected him to sit down next to you just like Felix did but instead of that,he stood in front of you,literally towering up in front of you,while looking down at you with a soft grin. Your head was on the level of his dick. Your mind was filled with "don’t look down" , "don’t you dare to look down" or "control yourself. Only this one time".

Changbin scoffed softly as he saw how much you’re eyes were glowing. You looked to the side,biting your lips while your cheeks were more than just pink.

The man plopped himself down on the couch,next to you. He was that close to you that his arms touched yours. You never felt that small before in your whole life. You both watched Felix for a few minutes,staying silent,before your phone buzzed. You looked at the message you just got as you sighed. You stood up,saying „I gotta go boys. It’s time to prepare y‘alls food so please stop working out and get ready to go home in about an hour.“ you only talked to the boys in front of you since you couldn’t manage to face Changbin. You always were so incredibly shy around him you would blush from hearing his name. The boys said good bye to you just like you did to them. You wanted to walk away and leave the room but you were stopped from a grip around your wrist. You turned around and saw how Changbin kept you in place. „Good bye Y/n“ he said and looked into your eyes. Before you were able to look away,he obviously checked your body out,smirked and licked his lips. After that he let go of you and you walked away being a blushing,dripping mess.

After a short car drive you finally arrived at their dorm,entering it. You changed into some comfortable clothes wich included an oversized hoodie and short pants.

You started to cook some easy food for the boys while you tried to calm down from all the exciting happenings today.

After another 30minutes the door opened and all of the eight boys arrived. „Food just got done.“ you said as all the boys happily cheered and sat down at a table. You came in and served the food while getting yourself some of the food too.

Y‘all ate dinner before the boys went to the living room,wanting to watch a movie. „I‘ll go and lay down a bit. If you need anything just call me or something.“ you said and smiled at all of them. „I‘ll come with you. You need some company don’t you?“ no one other than Changbin said and got up,being already ready to go with you. You just nodded and went to your room. Your room wasn’t big at all. You didn’t spend much time there anyway since you were busy with other stuff. So it didn‘t really matter to you.

„you wanna play video games or watch any movies?“ you said as you walked towards your bed to sit on it. Instead of an answer from Changbin,you heard how he locked the door. You turned around,being confused from his actions. „Why did-“ he didn’t even let you finish your sentence,as he came closer to you. „You like my muscles don’t you?“ he asked with an smirk on his face. „I-I well…i- I mean…“ you couldn’t help but stutter at his question. It didn’t got got any better when he suddenly took his shirt off. Your eyes widened at the sight. Changbin stood in front of you. Shirtless. His naked skin in front of you. His defined muscles looking so delicate in the dimmed light that came from the timer-set lights in your room,that started to sprinkle their light all over the room just as you entered the room.

„Tell me,y/n,do you like my muscles?“ he said as he bent down to your ear before whispering his words. You nodded softly wich made him smile. „words. I want you to say it.“ he placed his hands onto the bed,each hand on each side of your hips. His face was dangerously close to yours as you managed to speak up again. „Y-your muscles are pretty they…they look good“ Changbin chuckled deeply and scoffed a bit. He sat down next to you and dragged you onto his lap. The way how easy he lifted you made you weak. „You want me,don’t you?“ he looked into your eyes,waiting for your reply. „Did you really think that I won’t notice your needy gaze on me? Your eyes low key asked me to fuck you.“ you blushed at his words. „It’s just- you always looked so good and I couldn’t control my thoughts anymore.“ you couldn’t manage to look at him since it was too much for you to take,he looked so hot that one look would kill you easily. „It’s okay y/n. You can have me“ he said and grinned. You scooted your head up to look at him. „what?“ you asked,obviously confused. „Let’s have some fun.“ he said and laid his hands on your hips. He made you sit on one of his legs wich made you gasp. „you want it baby?“ You quickly nodded at his question. „I want you.“

Changbin started to guide the movements of your hips,making you grind on his thigh. You softly moaned as he flexed his thigh wich caused more friction. You held onto his shoulder as you kept on grinding,now on your own. Changbin laid his hands back onto the bed as he watched you grind yourself on him. He looked amused from the whole situation wich you noticed too. His expressions changed quickly as he felt a grip on his hard length. „Fuck“ he hissed as you softly touched his dick through his pants. You felt yourself getting closer to your high already as Changbin spoke up again. „You‘re close baby? Gonna cum on my leg?“ yes. You were close and you were on your way to come on his leg but you didn’t want to cum that fast. You were too afraid that he would leave you after that. „No Binnie~ I need more.“ you whimpered at him wich made him week. „What do you need,baby?“ he asked with a smirk,desperate for an answer. „You binnie~“ once you stopped talking,he lifted you from his legs and laid you down on the bed. He towered above you and started to undress you completely.

„Don’t cover yourself,you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen“ Changbin said,as he notices that you tried to cover yourself a bit. After he also undressed himself,you admired him completely while he teased your entrance. He looked so good above you. So broad and strong,the sight of his muscles still made you clench. His cock was big and really thick,even better than you imagined it,wich you noticed once he started to enter you inch by inch. You gripped onto the bedsheets,your eyes rolling back to the back of your head. He started to kiss you passionately while he started to move inside of you. It helped you to relax and it made you feel some warm sensation in your belly.

You moaned into the kiss as he started to thrust harder and faster. Shortly after that,he broke the kiss and focused on pleasing the two of you. His hands were placed on your hips,supporting his thrusts. Your hands found their way to his arms,feeling how strong they are. He praised you more and more as he came closer to his high. With every thrust that he made,you clenched around him. You started to lose your mind and feeling his dick throbbing against your tight walls didn’t made it better. „C-Changbin I’m-“ you mumbled while your nails scratched his biceps. „It’s okay y/n. Cum for me“ he said while looking into your eyes. With that,you let go and clenched even more around Changbin’s cock. He stretched you out so well in that moment,you felt like your high lasted for more than just a minute. The feeling of his thrusts inside of you intensified with every second your high lasted. On top of that he came inside of you in the middle of your climax. Loud moans left your mouth every second while Changbin quietly groaned.

His movements slowed down as he came down from his high. He bend down and spread kisses on your neck,to your jaw as you breathed heavily. He pulled out of you and cleaned you with a soft tissue,not wanting to move you too much. Your mind was still foggy and you could only wince as Changbin touched you. „I‘m just cleaning you baby. Only a few more minutes and then you can sleep,okay?“ you nodded and helped him a bit since he tried to put your underwear back on.

Once the two of you wore something again,he covered you with a blanket and placed a soft peck on your forehead. „Good night,love“ he whispered as you passed out into a deep sleep.

[jennay]

Phlebotomy

Request

Y/n has to get her blood test and she's so stressed because of it so she asks her boyfriend jamie to go there with her xx

master list

Sitting in your car, you lean your head against your steering wheel. You close your eyes and try to convince yourself that this isn’t a big deal. Getting your blood drawn didn’t necessarily mean you were unhealthy, but lately, you’d felt tired and worn down. The last time This happened, your Vitamin D levels were barely at 25%, and your doctor scolded you. She was kind enough to prescribe you Vitamins that shot your levels back to where they needed to be.

You slowly lean back and close your eyes, tilting your head to the sky as if the universe would save you from this appointment. “Please, let them cancel it.”

Nervousness seeps into your already nauseous core. It would be best if you hadn’t come nearly thirty minutes early. It gave you too much time to contemplate leaving. You take in a deep breath and reach your hand in your pocket. It would help if you asked Jamie to come while you two were at home, but part of you wanted to prove you could overcome this fear by yourself.

The phone rings a few times before Jamie answers; when you hear his voice, your nerves begin to calm. “So I’m sitting in the parking lot debating on leaving.”

“Would you like it if I was there?” He pauses to let you decide. He didn’t want to intrude since he knew that you were trying to do this on your own.

Tears blur your line of vision, “Please.” You whimper.

“Let me get my shoes on, and I’ll be on my way. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”

You shake your head, “No. That’s ok. Thank you.”

“I’ll be there soon, love.”

You click end call and lightly toss your phone onto the passenger seat. You rest your head on the steering wheel, feeling disappointed in yourself now that you’ve had to ask your boyfriend to come “save” you once again. A soft sob escapes your lips. You knew that Jamie didn’t mind, but you still felt terrible.

A light knock on your window drags you from your thoughts of negativity. You turn your head to see Jamie smiling back at you. Unlocking the door for him couldn’t have happened fast enough. He sits in the passenger seat, his eyes full of empathy as he weakly smiles. He rests his hand on your leg and leans over as if he’s going to tell you a secret. “Hey,” He coos. “It’s ok to be afraid. We’ll get through this, my love. We always get through tough things. Right?”

You nod. “I know; I just wish I didn’t have to do this.”

He pushes his hair behind his ears. His eyes drift to the building. “We’ll be in and out; come on.” He gets out of the car and softly jogs to your side. He opens the door and holds his hand out for you to take. “Have I ever led you to danger?” He asks.

You shake your head, “No.” you take his hand and hop out of your car.

Jamie’s arms safely wrap around you. He squeezes tightly, “You can do this.” He kisses the top of your head.

You pull away and lace your fingers with his. You feel ten times better with Jamie by your side. He opens the door, and the two of you check in for your appointment and find a place to sit.

When the nurse calls you up, Jamie asks if you’d like him to stay seated or come with you. You don’t have to say anything. He can tell by the look on your face that you need him.

He quickly stands and walks with you and the nurse to the back room, where the phlebotomist will draw your blood. The veils laid out before you make you want to vomit. Your grip on Jamie’s hand tightens as you sit in the chair. You must let go of his hand for the poor lady to do her job. She begins with the tie right below your bicep. “This won’t take long.” She says.

Jamie stands beside you on your right side with his hand on your shoulder. “Look,” He crouches down to you. “Focus on me, love.”

You do as you’re told and continue to listen to Jamie’s voice as he tells you the plans for the rest of the day and what your reward will be for being so brave. You feel like a small child in this situation being coached by your parent, but you need it. You feel a light prick in your arm, and before you can react badly to the needle, the woman is placing gauze on your arm and taping you up. “All done.” She says.

“That was fast.” You laugh at yourself for feeling that afraid of getting your blood drawn. “Can we go?” You ask.

She nods. “We’ll call you with what we find.”

Jamie Leads you down the hallway. He walks you to your car and allows you to get in. He gently lifts your chin and says, “You’re so brave.” You smile at him. He really did know how to make you feel good about yourself. “I’ll see you at home, ok?”

“Thank you for coming.” You reach up for a kiss, and he gladly takes the hint. “See you soon.”

I’ll still be taking requests ❤️

[ghostofaboy]

Rock Bottom - Reality Hits

Summary: Frankie is spiraling after Tom’s death. Drugs lead to some unhealthy friendships, and too ashamed to reach out to his former teammates for help, Frankie is drawn into a world he’s afraid he can’t get out of.

Frankie's first day with Tilly concludes, leaving Frankie feeling uneasy.

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morale/Original Male Characters Rating: Explicit. Serious over 18s only Word count: 1325 Chapter: 20/?

Warnings: Mentions of past drug use, prostitution,

Note: This is a fic with gay and bi characters. Please make sure you read the tags/warnings. Header by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Part 19 / Part 1 / Masterpost

By early evening Frankie was exhausted. Sitting once more on the large sofa, wrapped in a soft white robe, Frankie could hear Tilly singing along to the radio in the kitchen while he prepared food. His hair was still wet from the shower they had taken together, which had been much needed after the activities of the day.

Tilly’s son, Jason, had returned home not too long after they had finished their snacks. He had rolled his eyes at the two naked men on the sofa and had retreated to his room. After that, Tilly had fucked him two more times in the sitting room. Once on all fours again on the floor, then again on his back on the sofa. Then, on wobbling legs, Frankie had followed Tilly up to the beautiful master bathroom, where the two of them had showered.

Now he was waiting while Tilly cooked with a throbbing ass and an odd feeling in his stomach. He felt strange. It wasn’t something he could put into words just yet, but he had a suspicion of what it was. Frankie knew that after the initial thrill of sex with Tilly had worn off, the true reality of the situation was starting to dawn on him. He would be doing this at least weekly now.

Pushing the bubbling feeling of shame down, Frankie reached over to his jeans and pulled out his phone once more. His shoulders slumped at the sight of a message and three missed calls from Tyler. The message was simple, asking if he was ok because he wasn’t picking up. Taking a deep breath, Frankie hit Tyler’s name to call him back, stepping outside into the garden as the call connected.

“Hey,” Tyler answered almost immediately.

“Hey.” Frankie tried to sound cheerful.

“Are you ok?” Tyler sounded worried. “I tried to call you, but you weren’t picking up. Then I stopped by on my way home from the store, but you weren’t home. Are you… are you ok, Frank?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Frankie gulped, peering back into the house to check Tilly wasn’t listening. “I’m just… I’m working, so I didn’t have my phone with me.”

There was a pause. Just a few beats, but it hung heavily. 

“At the shop?” Tyler’s voice wavered slightly.

Frankie sighed. Now was the moment. Should he lie or admit to Tyler where he was? Pinching his eyes shut, Frankie braced himself. There was no point lying. Tyler knew he would be working here soon and what he’d be doing. Time to rip the band-aid off.

“No, at Tilly’s.”

“Oh.” Was the quiet reply.

“I wasn’t sure whether or not to tell you.” Frankie found himself admitting, opening his eyes once more to check Tilly wasn’t nearby. “But I started my, um, other work today.”

“When you weren’t home, I kinda figured.” Tilly still sounded quiet. Then there was another pause. “I better let you go. Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Yes.” Frankie answered firmly. “Yes, I’ll come by after-”

“No.” Tyler interrupted. “Let me know when you’re home and you’ve, um, showered. I’ll bring food.”

“Ok.” Frankie opened his mouth to say goodbye, but Tyler had already hung up. Looking down at his phone, Frankie could feel the ball of shame in his stomach lurch, growing again ever so slightly. 

“Frankie!” Tilly called out, catching his attention. “Come on! Food’s ready.”

Stepping back into the sitting room, Frankie tucked his phone back into his jeans before heading into the kitchen. Tilly smiled at him as he set two plates down on the table.

“Sorry, we’re eating in the kitchen.” Tilly motioned for Frankie to sit. “I turned the dining room into my home office. Been thinking of having an extension added on at the back.”

Frankie nodded along as Tilly talked about house extensions, decor and layouts. The ball in his stomach rolled in time with the conversation, growing with each trip around his insides. As he helped Tilly tidy up afterward, it spun. Finally, as he sat down on the sofa once more, Tilly’s arm around him, watching a movie, it announced itself. Lurching up, Frankie felt his head swim as he stood.

“Frankie?” Tilly reached out, stroking his arm, looking up at him concerned. “You ok?”

“Yeah, just need the bathroom.” Frankie lied, not waiting for a reply and quickly headed for the small bathroom across from Tilly’s office.

As soon as the door was closed, Frankie slumped down to the ground, tearing the robe off his sweating body, gasping for breath. Pinching his eyes shut, Frankie started counting. Ten, nine, eight, seven… following the steps he’d learned years ago.

He wanted to run home. He wanted to get out of this house. He hated this… this domesticity. Sitting with Tilly like he would with Tyler felt wrong. The sex he could handle. The sex felt… not right, but good, at least. But this closeness bothered him, pulling at his insides. It made him wish he was high. 

Crawling over to the sink, Frankie pulled himself up, surveying himself in the mirror. He looked the same as he always did, albeit with a slight sheen from the sweat. Same messy curls, same tired brown eyes, same patchy scruff. No one would ever know he was an escort now. Escort? Prostitute? He wasn’t sure which word to use.  Either way, he looked like the same old Frankie Morales.

After splashing some cold water on his face, Frankie scooped up the rope and took a deep breath before heading back into the sitting room. Tilly was still sitting on the sofa, watching the movie as Frankie came and sat back down.

“You ok?” Tilly turned as he sat, a concerned look on his handsome face.

“Yeah.” Frankie lied, nodding. “Just felt a little woozy all of a sudden. Probably tired.”

Tilly let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I’ve worked you pretty hard today. My plan was to ease into this, but we just went full throttle, didn’t we? You wanna head up to bed?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Frankie nodded again gratefully, and sleep really did sound good. “I’ll head up, see you in the morning.” Frankie stood up, grabbing his pile of clothes but stopped as Tilly took the remote and the TV clicked off.

“Come on then, baby.” Tilly started to follow him. “Let’s go to bed.”

The feeling in Frankie’s stomach grew heavy. “Together? I thought I’d be in the spare room.”

Tilly just laughed again. “I’d rather you were in with me.”

“Oh.” Frankie stopped at the foot of the stairs. “I just… I was gonna…”

“I’m going to lock up, then we can get some sleep.” Tilly answered firmly, though the smile never left his face.

It wasn’t a request. Frankie understood that. And somehow, that strangely made it better. Nodding, he turned and made his way to the master bedroom. Setting his clothes down on one of the nightstands, Frankie pulled out his phone, hoping to see a good night message from Tyler. But there was only one message, and it wasn’t from Tyler. 

[Hey Fish, I found you a program. Give me a call and I can help set it up for you. Will]

“Anything good?” Tilly's voice made Frankie jump, and he quickly set his phone back down on top of his clothes. 

“Just a friend.” Frankie shrugged the robe off and climbed into bed next to Tilly. “He’s, um, he’s found a program for me. Rehab.”

“That’s great.” Tilly beamed at him as he pressed his naked form to Frankie in a clumsy hug. “The sooner you get some professional help, the better you’ll feel. Anyway, we need rest now. I’ve got plans for you tomorrow and I’m going to want to have you right next to me when I wake up.” Tilly laughed as he switched off the light, patting Frankie’s ass fondly. “I told you I’d have that ass gaping by Monday.”

[weezerblue]

mine, all mine

chapter one: soon-to-be girlfriend

series description: he needs you, so he'll have you

WARNINGS FOR ENTIRE SERIES (read warnings prior to reading part 2): marking, daddy kink, petnames (sweet girl, baby, darling, angel, good girl, sweetheart, honey), petplay kind of, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, stalking, murder (not to reader dw), self indulgent, stockholm syndrome, slow burn (is it considered slow burn if you stalk them, become friends with them then kidnap them??? question of the day)

steve didn't know a lot of things in life, but one thing he knew for certain was that you were meant for him. he was gonna have you whether you like it or not. he didn't care. it was honestly just something he accepted and was ready for you to accept. if someone ever asked him what he pictures himself doing in 5-10 years, he'll either say you, married to you, or raising your kids.

he would never admit this, for fear of sounding like the stalker he is or even worse, a total edgelord. but it was always in the back of his mind whenever he saw you with someone else, his mind is overcome with jealousy.

"steve?" the teacher had assigned you to be his partner for the end of the year. you only really knew his name from how popular he was and how some of your friends were friends with him. you honestly tried to steer clear of him majority of the time.

"y/n?" he had his head down before, not paying attention to whatever this class was about.

"i never told you my name?" you question. he laughs, 'how naive of her' he thinks to himself as he looks away from you, obviously he knows your first, middle, and last name because he has a laminated copy of your schedule from your first year at hawkins high.

your last name was unnecessary to him though, 'might as well just say harrington' that was his thought process. he'd thought about your marriage before, estimated your ring size, pictured you in a white dress, looked at venues, and imagines your "first night" as a married couple regularly. he doesn't listen to most of what you say about the project, just the part about you coming to his house after school is enough for him.

he didn't drive you home, on account of you insisting you would get there by yourself and him also not wanting to scare you away.

when you made it to his house, he was patiently waiting on the couch, watching whatever was on.

you sit down beside him, waiting for him to speak first. shockingly enough, he didn't at all. in fact, he seemed to be admiring you from where he sat??

sighing and regretting your decision already, you hand him the rubric for the assignment.

"what's this?" asks steve, stupidly.

you don't answer, waiting for him to at least try to read it.

"c'mon, you really wanna do this boring project today? why can't it wait till tomorrow?"

"it's friday, steve"

"oh well that's okay, you can come over if you want" you still didn't know him that well yet and didn't want to spend more time there than you had to.

"um- i guess?" you awkwardly say, trying to not look at him.

"it's cause we don't know each other right? well that's okay, cause i know you pretty well" you raise your eyebrows and your eyes widen, picking up on all his creepy behaviors up until this point.

"not in that way, just like, i've heard you talk to your friends and our lunch tables are close to each other so....." he doesn't wanna raise any suspicion yet, just wants you to be his cute little unaware almost-girlfriend that he could shelter and manipulate into not thinking any of his behaviors are weird.

"oh, okay well tell me about yourself" you don't know what, but something makes you slightly attracted to him, despite thinking he's a stalker, and despite him being one.

you two spend the next 3 hours together, just laughing and talking like you'd been friends forever. you started to feel safe with him.

you were unknowingly digging yourself into a hole, every giggle, every little inside joke you made with him, it all just solidified in his mind, this was how it'd be. this was all he'd ever wanted. and he knew you had to want it too.

"oh stevie, it's late i have to go home now" stevie, the nickname you'd given him about an hour in. it just made him more obsessed with you.

"i don't think you should go, it's dark and cold out there" he insinuated to you possibly staying over his house.

"well i could call-"

"you could just stay in the guest room upstairs"

you gasped. he really trusted you that much to let you stay in his house? you didn't consider it creepy at all, and steve was really grateful for that.

you let him lead you all the way past the guest room, to his room.

"where we goin' stevie?"

"my room, duh" he laughs

"but i thought you said guest room"

"no i definitely said my room, baby"

him calling you that was kind of just natural now, he basically considered you his girlfriend who doesn't know you're dating him

you sit down on the carpet in front of his bed, expecting him to throw you a blanket, maybe some pillows.

"come on" he motions for you to lay beside him. it was too late and you were much too tired to deny him.

"i'm doing this because i'm cold, okay?" he nodded and went to shift the blanket more towards your side.

you snuggle up into him, letting his arms wrap around your waist as you face him. this surprised him, but he'd never really been this close to you. he began to regret asking you to sleep in his room because now that he thought about it, having an extremely pretty girl that barely knew him in his bed was pretty awkward.

you fall asleep almost immediately. steve tries to reposition you so that his boner isn't pressing against your thighs. you groan, moving back to your original spot.

you don't seem to notice in your sleep, making no effort to get more comfortable.

while you were asleep, he whispered to you, things about how someday you'll be his and his only, silently hoping you either wouldn't be grossed out or wouldn't hear.

he kisses your forehead, patting your head and holding you impossibly close to him.

after a while he falls asleep too, thinking about how easy it would be to have you to himself at this point.

𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒅♡︎♥︎

[coffeedrgn87]

December 7th Drarry Drabble: "Blankets"

Tags: Uhm, really, none, it's fluuuuuuff about Drarry and blankets and being cosy. I'll gift it to my hedgehog @basicallyahedgehog because they always have a blanket for me when I'm in need of one. Hope that's OK. Also, Harry is most likely an Auror or works for the DMLE in some form. Draco may be a Curse Breaker or has the skills for it, but he also loves reading and being artistic. Again, it's fluff. Just my dorky boys being sweet together.

Draco had a rather unhealthy obsession with blankets though he was loath to admit that, and anyone who tried calling him out on it usually got intimately acquainted with one of Draco’s perfectly aimed stinging hexes. He never missed.

To start with, there was the grey solid fluffy blanket he kept near his favourite armchair by the fireplace and the sage sherpa fleece one that added an extra layer of warmth on cold winter nights. Draco often used it in spring and autumn as he liked feeling toasty at night. Harry throwing heat like a furnace certainly helped, but Draco still loved his thick sherpa fleece blanket. Especially because occasionally, there were nights when Harry was busy with work and Draco went to bed alone.

Colour-wise, the Gryffindor-red chunky knit blanket with its golden edges wasn’t exactly Draco’s favourite, but he still used it when he curled up by the window to sketch. Molly Weasley had made it for Harry after Gin had introduced her to the chunky wool, but Draco had quickly claimed it. While Harry had yet to comment on his blanket theft, he often joked about the colours. It always made Draco frown, and while Harry’s taunts were vexing, they weren’t annoying enough for Draco to sacrifice his cocoon of warmth to retaliate with a stinging hex.

Then there was the white cotton cellular blanket his mother had used to keep him warm when he’d been a baby; Draco still had it. He kept it in a box on the top shelf of Harry’s and his walk-in closet. A part of him hoped to one day use it to swaddle his own child, but that was a conversation Harry, and he had yet to have. For now, Draco didn’t feel brave enough to bring it up. Even though Draco was sure that Harry would agree to them starting a family together, it was easier to joke about it than sit Harry down and tell him that he wanted a child of his own.

Today, however, Draco dragged his weighted blanket over to the sofa and hid underneath it. He’d pulled it up to his neck and had no intention of emerging from underneath. Harry had made hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, whipped cream, and chocolate sprinkles, and while the drink was divine and warmed Draco up from the inside, he still didn’t feel like he was ready to throw off his weighted blanket. Even with Harry sitting on the floor beside the sofa to keep him company, Draco relished the calm feeling the blanket gave him.

Harry had summoned Draco’s teal faux mink fur blanket a while ago, and the colour made his eyes pop. He’d also slipped his hand underneath the blanket to hold Draco’s hand, and Draco had yet to let go. Harry’s grip was firm and grounding, and Draco liked toying with Harry’s fingers. Harry didn’t mind. He was the perfect companion, and Draco loved him all the more for it, which is why he craned his neck to plant a lingering kiss on Harry’s cheek.

Harry turned his head and smiled.

“Hello there,” he murmured.

His husky voice was deeply comforting, and Draco smiled.

“Wanna read to me?” he asked.

Harry grinned.

“You sure you want to listen to me drone on about Advanced Auror Field Techniques?”

Draco shrugged.

“You could read a cookbook or the ABC, and I’d listen,” he said.

Harry laughed.

“Well, OK then. This chapter discusses a holistic approach to suspect apprehension, and while the author makes some good points, I don’t think they’ve ever detained anyone in their life. But if I can sit through a forty-eight-hour stakeout, I can cope with this piffle. I may lose a few brain cells, so I will need you to teach me some advanced curse-breaking magic when I’m done.”

Draco grinned.

“You got it, Potter.”

[solarsavoy]

18 and 12, please? :)

Ooo, I don't get a lot of Anon asks. Thank you for the ask!

18. Do you only write when you’re inspired, or do you try and sit down at specific times and write no matter what?

I always keep my stuff open and available while I'm on the computer, which is usually all day long, but for the most part I only write when I'm inspired. I do try to force it though when something is due, but I also get inspired at those moments? I'm weird. But I guess being in a time crunch is inspiring.

I hate getting inspired while I'm at work, but I'll often work through my ideas mentally so I can still capture some cool stuff while riding out the inspiration wave and I'll use my breaks to take notes.

There are two times that I've deemed "for writing only" because I often feel most inspired at those times. Right when I wake up anywhere between 6am and 10am because sometimes I'm an early bird, usually lasts for 2-3 hours. And between 10pm and 2am, because I'm also a night owl. O.o Yes my sleep schedule is nuts.

12. What’s your perfect environment to create/write?

Interestingly, silence.

I rarely get it so I often put on headphones (sometimes not even listening to anything) to get as close as I can to hearing nothing. I prefer artificial light over sunlight because it's more consistent, and I want my space to be more on the cold side than the hot side.

My ideal environment would be silence in a decently sized room where I can pace and talk to myself without anyone seeing. (Even though I trust Deo with my life, I'm still embarrassed about the conversations I often have with myself in order to work through the dialogue. 😅) And it would be closed off from everyone. The only issue is that then it'd be really unhealthy for me because I'd probably let a day or two go by without ever leaving because I'd be so focused on what I was doing, so it's a catch-22.

Funny thing, I'd also want the room closed off because my cats, who are so so sweet, will come by every hour or so to "check on me". As in Tiger will come up beside my and tap my arm to say hello and insist for roughly 30 min until I give in on giving him attention. I have another one, Ceasar, that will tap my back and give me back massages for the same thing. And then Micho will talk to me until I take out my headphones. And then Deo visits often to show me stuff and... yeah, it's a catch-22 having an open door because I don't get the silence I want, but also I enjoy that they all want to hang out with me nonstop. (Shh, don't tell them I secretly like it. Wait, unless you're Deo... 👀)

Thanks again for the ask, Anon!

Ask thing.