#and theres reluctance to do these things even though hes angry and hurt because even there his only qualms were with bruce

[cainware]

I feel like Jason becomes very protective over his siblings, like even Dick, post-reconcile with the family. Like this man is the Only Fucker that's allowed to fuck with them and make their lives difficult. He actively seeks out anyone that might mess with his family and makes their lives a living hell, and though he does do some shady shit sometimes, he'll always be cursed to care about the batfamily.

[anythingandeverything1d]

Don't fight it

You had headphones in, music blaring and were laying on the bed with your eyes closed. Harry’s songs kept playing through your shuffled playlist and you were carefully listening to each word he sang. Specifically, Cherry, Falling, and To be so lonely stood out to you. They were very clearly about Harry’s Ex Camille. You and Harry had already had the “ex talk” and you had accepted the fact that he had completely fallen in love with another girl. But something about the album being written about her just irked you, especially since the songs seemed to show he wasnt over her. “Hey beautiful” Harry said laying next to you and gently plucking the airpod from your ear. “Whatcha listening to?”

You rolled onto your stomach and looked at him. “You.”

Harry smiled and kissed your nose. “You say that like its a bad thing.” You just sighed and sat up. Harry sat up as well confused. “It’s not a bad thing right?”

“No. I guess not.”

“You guess not? Do you not like my music?”

“I like your music.”

“Then what's the problem?”

“The problem is what your music is based on.”

“Meaning what exactly?”

“These songs are all about her Harry. They are all about Camille and your relationship with her.”

“Baby..”

“No just stop.”

“Why are you mad? We already had this conversation. You know about my past relationships...in great detail and it has never been a problem until now.”

“Harry how could it not be a problem? You wrote half your album about another girl and how you aren't even over her and how you're sad and miss her and jealous of the guy she's with...”

“How I WASN’T over her. When I wrote those songs I was hurting. I  was upset about the break up and was in a bad place. Clearly since I’ve been dating you for the last year, I’m not into Camille anymore.” You were crying, angry, and annoyed. He didn’t understand. Their relationship was clearly something that she would not be able to live up to and that hurt more than the fact he once loved someone else. “Baby why are you crying? Is it really that big of a deal?”

“YES. ITS A HUGE DEAL HARRY!” you screamed. “I will never be able to live up to that relationship.”

“Live up to it? (y/n) theres nothing to live up too. It was a good relationship but clearly we didn't work out and that's why I’ve moved on to you.”

“So I’m just a back up now? Because you couldn't make things work with her?”

“NO!” Harry tugged at his hair while yelling. He was getting frustrated. He took a shaky breath. “You are not a back up.”

“Im not Camille though.”

“OF COURSE YOU AREN'T CAMILLE, YOU NEVER COULD BE!” Harry screamed. You took a step back and dropped to the floor. Harry realized what he had said and stepped forward. “Baby I meant that you couldn't be her because you are you....”

Between sobs you screamed “JUST GO!” Harry sat there a minute, reluctant to leave but you yelled again “HARRY GET OUT!” 

He sighed and walked out the door. You slammed the bedroom door and collapsed onto the floor in sobs. It had been a couple hours, you were still crying even after showering and turning on a movie. Harry still hadn’t come up and you assumed he wasnt going to. You got into bed and tried calming down but couldn't. You didn’t really have tears left to cry, just hiccuping sobs that refused to leave your body. You looked at the clock. It was almost 1am. You gripped your pillow tightly and tried breathing. Nothing was working you were still upset. Mad about the fight and worried Harry wouldn’t come back. Eventually, through the tears you saw the door open, Harry walk in and felt him lay on the bed next to you. “Shh baby its okay...” He soothed, pulling your back against his chest and wrapping his arms around you. “Calm down (y/n) breathe..” he whispers, pressing a warm kiss against your ear. You turn and cuddle into him, still crying. “I’m so sorry love. I didn’t mean what I said. I don’t want you to be Camille I want you. You make me so happy and I’m in a way better place with you than I was with her.” Harry’s voice was helping a little. You were trying to control the hiccuping sobs. You almost want to push him away for bringing up her name again but he securely holds on. “Don’t fight it baby...just calm down and sleep. Take a few deep breaths.” You breathe in and then out slowly, your eyes feeling heavy and exhausted. Harry was trailing his fingers through your hair and nuzzling his chin into your neck. “I love you so much (y/n) and nothing would change that and I don't want anything to change that. You are my future baby...she was my past.” You nodded mutely against his chest and he breathed out deeply, shifting so you were both in a better position for sleep. “Close your eyes (y/n)..you're exhausted. You need to sleep.” He kissed your cheek multiple times before softly humming a song.”I love you so so much baby.” he whispered again. 

You had finally calmed down. You reached your arms around his neck and cuddled in closer. Kissing his lips softly you whispered, “I love you too. I’m sorry-”

“Shh lets just move on okay?” Harry was hard asleep, still holding you close. “All that matters is that I have you in my life.” You nodded and yawned, wiping your very puffy eyes. 

“But Harry-”

“No buts. I love you. You love me. That’s what's important. Now baby just go to sleep. It’s been a long night and I know you’re exhausted.” You yawned again and closed your eyes, Harry was right. Camille was his past but you were his future. And nothing made you happier than thought.

---

A quick blurb for a request I got...Hope you all enjoy! xoxo

[lu-undy]

Hc! Theres days where Spy's scars itch. Hes uncomfortable on battle because of this. It isnt an itch you can scratch away, not really, the scar tissue is dense and he can get to she skin underneath it. Snipers job is to observe, so he notices how Spy squirms under his suit trying to make that itch dissapear, but its in vain. Sniper approaches his morethanfriend to see whats the matter. Spy is reluctant at first but he opens up to Snipes. Later dat day Snipes rubs some sorta thing on the scars.🐑

Alright, here we go, I hope you’ll like it :D

The Frenchman sighed and mumbled something in French to himself. It was summer and the habit of wearing a suit was less practical now, especially when topped with a mask. He was sweating beneath his attire… 

Him and his teams were in the respawn room and the battle was about to start. As the Administrator delicately sung the countdown, he lit a cigarette to take his mind off of what was truly bothering him. 

"BEGIN!" 

The gates flashed open and he watched his colleagues pour out of the room and into the battlefield. Spy cloaked and exited the room soon after.  He ran unnoticed, passing his colleagues and soon breaching enemy lines. 

He saw the Engineer setting up and upgrading a sentry in the back. He seemed alone and thank God, the nuisance that the enemy Pyro was was nowhere to be seen around the short man. That was his chance. Spy disguised as the fire spreading specialist and put a hand in his inner pocket. 

"Hey Pyro, need some ammo, pardner?" 

Spy hissed and shook his shoulder. 

Ah merde, not now…!

"Pyro…?" 

Merde!

The Engineer realised something was fishy with the way that his friend was holding his flamethrower. He raised his wrench and struck. Spy's disguised vanished. 

Beep-beep! 

The sentry rotated and the Frenchman felt like a rabbit flashed by a car light moments before impact. He knew he was done for. 

Click. 

Respawn was never pleasant. Not only did it leave a bit of a weird feeling, like a bitter aftertaste of death that your body somehow clings onto, but it also rhymes with defeat. Die and retry, as they say. 

The Frenchman lit a new cigarette and puffed on it aggressively. He was frowning and clenching his jaw. His annoyance was written all over his body and face. 

"Y'alright, pal?" 

Scout had respawned and put a hand on his colleague's shoulder. Spy shot him a murderous glance and wiggled his shoulder away from his hand. 

"Jeez, alright…!" 

The young man made sure his scattergun was reloaded and left the spawn room. Spy waited to see the distance between himself and Scout was large enough that he could tolerate it, and then exited himself. 

Part of his job was not to bump anyone and that day, he made it a point to stand away from everyone, friends or foes. The heat tired him and his failure at sapping a lonely sentry, barely defended, made his mood bitter. 

-- Evening, at the base -- 

"Putain de merde…" 

[Bloddy hell…]

The Frenchman was alone in his room. He had just exited the shower, wearing only a white tanktop and his pyjama trousers. He was standing in his bathroom, facing his mirror, an empty small cream box in his hands. 

What had been bothering him the entire day was the itch. 

He was used to it now. Whenever it was too hot or he sweated, one of his scars, the one on his right shoulder, would trouble him. It was a deep burn mark and the skin had healed up but the new skin wasn't as good as the "normal" one. It looked more transparent and felt different to the touch. But the most annoying thing is that that patch of skin was unable to deal with heat properly. Not only did it hurt when exposed to the sun - the same way a fresh burn would, only less strongly - but it could not possibly sweat or rather, humidity would form underneath a very thin layer of skin. It itched but couldn't be scratched away. 

Spy had been used to it. Whenever it bothered him, he would get a bit of cream there, to hydrate it and cool it down. He tossed the empty cream pot to the bin and got a new one. He opened it and took some of it on his fingers. Raising his eyes, he looked at himself on the mirror. 

The burn mark was large. He could see it when facing the mirror and he knew it spread back on his shoulder blade. Spy was about to put the cream on it when a knock on the door cut him. 

"Go to hell." 

He answered loud enough for whoever was standing there to hear him. 

"Well, I'm standing at its door apparently!" 

The Frenchman recognised that voice and the slight accent. 

Fine… 

He thought. Part of him was annoyed at the interruption. But it was only part of him. He put the cream pot back on the sink and slipped his mask and a dressing gown on. The Frenchman went to the door and opened it. 

"Bushman, how may I help?" 

Obviously, Spy was being sarcastic. 

"I was goin' to ask you the same, now, d'you mind…?" 

The Frenchman rolled his eyes and let his colleague in. The Australian entered and removed his hat. 

"Am I interruptin' somethin'? Do you want me to give you a minute?" 

Sniper was hinting at the fact that the masked man was in his pyjamas quite early.

"Non. It is fine. Just tell me what you want, I have very little patience for games tonight." He coldly answered. 

"Roight, let's sit and have one of your cigs." 

Both men took a seat on the sofa and Spy lit two cigarettes. 

"So, are you going to finally tell me what is it you seek with me?" The Frenchman sounded impatient and mildly annoyed. 

"It's how you behaved today." 

Silence fell for an instant. One of those awkward ones. 

"What about it?" Spy feigned innocence though he very well knew what Sniper was getting at. 

"I've watched you and you didn't seem normal. Also, you didn't sap the sentries as nicely as you usually do. And you got caught a lot more."

"And?" The impatience and boiling rage were very clearly visible on the Frenchman's face.

"And I want to help." 

Spy's eyebrows jumped. He had expected Sniper to tell him that he had been very bad at his job and asking him why. But non. 

"You want… to help?" He repeated. 

"Yeah. What's wrong with you? I've seen you actin' awfully weird, shaking your shoulder every other second as if you had something on it. I'm guessing something's on yer mind." 

The Frenchman's lips pursed up to a faint smile. 

"And you are wrong. Nothing is on my mind. And yes, I have been spectacularly mediocre today. Thank you for noticing."

"Spy, you don't have to take it that way-"

"Oh but I am."

"Spy, look-"

"Are you done?" The Frenchman dryly cut him.

Sniper didn't want to leave. He knew how stubborn and hard-hearted his colleague could be. But he said he would help and he would. He didn't go away from the comfort of his van for nothing. If confronting the masked man didn't work, maybe something else would. 

Sniper raised his hand and about to put it on Spy's right shoulder but the Frenchman slithered away even before the Australian could touch him. 

"Hey… It's only me." 

Spy raised his eyes and saw his friend's earnest face. He sighed.

"Fine. Here is what has been bothering me. But Sniper, one word of this to anyone else and I will make sure it is your last." Spy raised a threatening index finger. 

Sniper smiled softly. 

"Y'know me. I don't talk." 

Spy nodded. It was the force of habit… He put a hand on his dressing gown and pulled it down from his shoulder, revealing the burn mark. 

"Oh, Christ…" 

"I stopped invoking his help a long time ago…" Spy sarcastically answered. 

"Did you see the Doc' for it? Does it hurt a lot?" 

"Medic knows about it but there isn't much him or anyone else can do. I just live with it."

"When did you get it?" 

"A long time ago. I'm used to it. It's just when the temperature gets a bit too high, it itches in an unbearable way. I can't scratch it away." 

"Is there anything you can do to make it itch less?"

"There is a cream that I put. It's not a miracle solution but it lessens the itch and the burning sensation. I was about to put some before you came in." 

"Oh sorry mate, go and do it, I don't want to bother you." 

"Give me an instant." 

The Frenchman disappeared to the bathroom and re-appeared soon after with the small cream jar in his hand. He put the cigarette between his lips and removed the dressing gown before sitting down. Sniper couldn't help but stare. Spy was lean, maybe even a bit slim. His fair skin was beautiful.

"I can help you if you want." 

Spy raised an eyebrow. 

"I mean, surely you can't reach the rest behind your back…?" 

"Why, thank you. I think I will manage." 

"Okay." 

Sniper watched as his friend spread the cream on his shoulder. He massaged slowly, avoiding the tanktop. He hissed now and then, while the Australian tried to imagine how it could feel, the pain, the itch. He also wanted to feel that odd-looking skin below his fingers. But it hurt him. As if Spy wasn't cold-hearted enough, his own body worked to make him more bitter… 

"Spy, you're clearly strugglin'..." 

"Non, I'm not!" The Frenchman was irritated. 

"Hey…?" 

Their eyes met. 

"Let me try." 

Sniper extended his hand and offered his palm. 

"Fine…" 

Spy put the cream pot on it. 

"Makes you very angry this itch, eh?" 

"You cannot imagine how annoying it is." 

"Turn yer back." 

Spy's eyebrow twitched. 

"Nothin' to fear, I'm not the backstabber here…!" 

The Frenchman rolled his eyes and turned. 

"Now, remove yer top." 

"Bushman?!"

"It's only her back! And it'll make it actually easier! Can't put the cream where your top is, now can I?" 

Spy grumbled but obliged and Sniper was now facing the Frenchman's back. It looked like a abstract canvas of scars. Bullet marks, burn marks, cuts… He couldn't see it but the masked man was ashamed. He knew his body was bruised, awfully so. But Sniper's body was too, albeit differently. The man had fought more animals than men so he had more bites and claw marks than bullets or knife cuts.

"Don't hold your shoulders up like that, breathe and relax." 

"Had I been behind your back, you would react the same way, Bushman."

"Fair, but I'm not you. I don't kill from people's back." He spread the cream on the Frenchman's shoulder blade, trying to not push his hand too hard. 

"Non, you shoot them for far away." 

"A kill as clean as yours." 

"Correct. But my job is high risk for a high reward. Yours is more… safe."

"What?! No it's not! Do you know how much I'm bullied by the other bastard of a Spook?!" 

Spy chuckled. 

"Does that mean I am a bastard too?" 

Sniper's eyes raised to Spy's back of his head. The Frenchman turned his head slightly, waiting for his friend to answer. Each second of silence weighed more than the previous one. 

"Nah, no, you're not." 

"What am I then? I, too, am a Spook." 

"Oh yeah you are, no doubt about that… Nah, you're a Spook, but uh… You're fine." 

"Fine?"

Sniper chuckled nervously. 

"Y-you know what I mean…" 

The Australian had covered all the scar with the cream now. He put the lid back on the pot and closed it. 

"Do I?" Spy insisted with a smirk. 

The Australian smiled. 

"Yeah you do. You aren't stupid." 

Sniper was facing Spy's naked back. The Frenchman's shoulders were relaxed and he appreciated the breath of his friend on it. It helped cooling it down. The Australian handed the cream back to the Frenchman, from behind. 

Spy took the cream and Sniper's eyebrows jumped when he realised that he had also grabbed his hand and pulled on it. 

"I wouldn't have opened my door to anyone else." Spy said.

"I… Thanks." 

The Frenchman pulled on his friend's hand more and he felt Sniper's weight shift on the sofa, closer. 

"Non, thank you. I know I can be in a particularly foul mood sometimes. And I make myself hard to approach. Yet you remain." 

Sniper smiled and laced his arm around his friend's torso and pulled him in closer. Spy closed his eyes went Sniper's hug hit inside him. The Australian was hugging him from behind, resting his chin on his left shoulder. 

"Y-yeah. I don't know, I just think that… I mean sometimes you're a bit angry or sad. But you just need someone to be there for ya." 

Spy melted in his friend's arms. He felt the Australian's fingers lace between his. 

"I might sometimes." 

"Nah, you do, really." 

"What makes you say that?" Spy asked. 

"I can't see your face but I'm sure you're…"

"I'm enjoying this more than I can say, oui."

Spy turned his head to look his friend in his eyes. Sniper's pupils were wide and his smile, dreamy. The Frenchman's smiled widened as he pushed his cheek against the Australian's. 

"You should shave those sideburns off."

"In yer dreams. Also, why should I do that?"

"They sting me even through my mask." 

"Remove it and it will sting not through it then!" 

Spy turned his head again to look at his friend. 

"Well, I had to try…!" Sniper said.

"What makes you think that it is just a try?" 

Sniper got confused but saw his friend's hand rise from his lap and his fingers settle around his neck, at the base of his balaclava. 

The Australian never forgot that night.

[weissfai-blog1]

Loving the Dangerous You

My mind is now bombarded with so many stories for AePete. I just love Ae and Pete and they are what I will call a soulmate. I learn about Multi-Verse by watching CLAMP stories and what always get me and touch my heart is their aspect of soulmates. That in whatever 'multi-verse' you and your soulmate will be together. A very strong connection. Stronger than the red string of fate. It is the calling of your soul to another. I am creating different AU with Ae and Pete as always.

A university with a different set of rules. AePete AU. My second headcanon.

“Will you be scared to love someone as dangerous as me?”

There’s a hierarchy in every high school and university. The one who tops them all is the Leader and the one who can command so many students to do his bidding. In order  to be the current leader, one must beat the crap out of the previous one. A so-called ceremony. 

Ae become the leader when he was just a freshman, a feat no one ever achieve. He didn’t mean too, but as the man who always steps in to protect his friends, he become one. Regardless whether he likes it or not.

It was actually an accident, Pond was being a nosy ass and without meaning to, he was challenged by the Current Leader, and Ae being Ae, cleaning some of the mess made by Pond, he steps in and in a hand to hand fight won the challenge. 

Everyone was in awe and most of their jaw drops cause Ae may be small but he punch a mean wallop and the leader was turn into a pulp. 

The thing is Ae when in the offense can be deadly that’s why he’d rather use his feet than his hands. So he plans to join the football team of the university.

From that day, respect and admiration was thrown to Ae, even though he doesn’t like the spot light.

The kids (freshmen & seniors) in the school respects their new leader and is awe that he is righteous and will avoid any fight if necessary but when push comes to shove, Ae can kick anyone’s ass. He may be 178cm (5ft8in) only but he can punch someone taller than him and left them in dust.

Many girls are scared of Ae because he may not be taller than some men but he has a sturdy and well-built muscles. His muscles are often flex when playing football. But most of the brave girls can be seen hanging around the football field.

Pond was enjoying it, after all, being the BEST FRIEND & THE RIGHT HAND of the Ai Shorty Boss, he gets to have some gifts too.

Ae doesn’t accept gifts but Pond accepts it on his behalf.

Ae is not interested in any of the girls who confess to him here and there.

He is more focus on football, academics (especially in English cause he is super bad at it) and being a leader.

Being a leader is no joke. Before going home to their dorm (Pond & Ae shares a room) he must check first that no one is hurt badly in the infirmary (injuries that are sustain in school is not his worry). He must also check that no one was being threatened especially the first years who are easy targets.

And when a challenge from other school was officially delivered, he as the leader needs to answer it.

So far, news spread that Ai Ae – The Beast have top the other university leaders and have not lose a fight.

It’s a simple territory rules. There’s five major university in the city. The leaders of each university exist in the first place to stop bloodshed and gang wars that’s form by delinquent students who think they can rule. It is recognized by the university and their professors.

Actually, the teachers are relying most of the time to the leaders cause then the leaders can take care of students who strays.  

The Dorm: GREENWOOD is no ordinary dorm. It was owned by a Japanese man who fell in love with a Thai woman and because they cannot have a baby, built the dorm near the university to take care of many students as possible.

It has a decent bed that host two students, bathroom, study desk and cabinets. Food are served in its very own cafeteria.

Its an all-boys dorm. There are several female dorms but GREENWOOD is most famous for caring the ‘hottest boys’ in the University.

It’s the middle of the semester when a new transfer student was introduced to the university.

Pete is a transfer student. Rumours immediately surround him as the ‘Mistress’ of the other Leader from his previous university.

Pete was said to transferred because of a scandal.

Ae haven’t met Pete because he was busy with the incoming mid examination and football competition with the other department.

But Ae heard a great deal about Pete: looks prettier than any girl, tall, pretty, white, cute, brown hair, slender, cute… there are so many descriptions but the words: pretty and cute keeps on popping out here and there.

Ae can only think of Dear, his highschool friend as cute, Dear is smaller than Ae and often needed help but Ae wont hesitate to kick Dear’s ass especially when Dear is being an annoying prick once or twice.  

Ae met Pete when the later was push to the wall by a student from the other school (Ae doesn’t recognize the uniform) and Pete was about to be punched when he intervene.

Ae was there before that someone landed a punch to Pete, he throws his bag.

Ae was super angry that some twerp from other school will threaten their students. The student tried to fight, but Ae beat him to it, by landing a mean punch on his stomach, the student then doubled in pain and curse Ae and Pete. 

The student shouted, ‘This is not the last Pete! Trump will kill you! Remember that you belong to him! He’ll haunt you! We’ll haunt you!’

Ae turn around and was about to shout and asked Pete when he was struck on his tracks.

Ae never thought that the day will come he will be speechless to see a person so beautiful. The transfer student carefully stand in his full height and Ae notice this beautiful creature is tall, with pretty soft brown hair that covers his forehead, the eyes that stares back at him are teary-eyed but he notice the beautiful brown colour of them – doe eyes, long eyelashes, cute chubby cheeks and red lips form in cupid’s bow.

Ae gulped and shook his head, and when the image of the other is still there, he tried to help him by giving the backpack. ‘Here. Are you okay?’

Pete nodded, ‘Thank you… uhm…’

‘Ae. That’s my name. What’s yours?’

‘Pete’

‘Ah. You’re the transfer student.’ Ae looks at Pete once again and he wanted to change the rumours spreading, this is no cute nor pretty, this is beautiful and angelic if they’ll ask him.

Ae found out that Pete is staying in Greenwood with a room to himself. Greenwood can accept special request like that, though the student should pay double as he is occupying the other side of the room too. There are only 10 special rooms like that.

Since that meeting, many students have observed that Ae treats Pete special, especially Pond who was born to be a nosy best friend. 

When a second assault happen, this time, Ae was not able to be fast enough to help Pete – there were three students who punch Pete and Ae, Pond and Ping was there to help Pete. 

Ae then proclaim to his underling that Pete will be guarded by three or four people especially when he’s busy.

His underlings can see that Pete is very special to Ae, even though Ae keeps on denying that he is treating Pete the same as the others. Just that Pete needs more protection.

His underlings just rolled their eyes and shook their head. They knew a man with a crush and yet dumb jock don’t know it himself.

Pete is very shy and told Ae that he is okay, but Ae insisted that he needs his protection. They are friends. And being friends will start who the hell is Trump and why is Pete being assaulted.

Pete was reluctant to say anything but only told him, ‘P’Trump was a friend. We were close when we were little. We grew up together… and his the only one who accepted me…’ 

‘Accepted?’ Ae’s brow furrows. 

‘I am gay.’

‘So?’

‘Ae… I like men.’

‘So?’

Pete this time has his brow frown, ‘Ae. It means I’m not normal. I am different. I can only get attracted to men…’

‘And so? What’s wrong with being gay? Is that a sickness? No. You’re still you.’

‘Ae doesn’t think I’m weird? Abnormal?’

Ae flick Pete’s forehead, ‘You’re weirdly beautiful. I thought you were an angel at first sight. Abnormal? Just because you’re gay? That’s ridiculous. You can love anyone you want, there’s nothing wrong with it. What’s wrong are the people who pushes their opinions to others and hurt others.’

‘Ae…’

‘Now, tell me, is that all? But why are they assaulting you?’

‘Ae… can I not say it now?’ 

Ae sighs and looks at Pete’s eyes. ‘I wont force you today. But sooner or later you will tell me. I don’t want you to keep secrets from me Pete… please.’

Days, weeks and months, Ae and Pete grew closer. So close that Ae thinks there’s something wrong with his heart. He doesn’t know why he wants to see Pete everyday, every freakin’ second of the day. He doesn’t understand the possessiveness he felt whenever Pete will talk to Pond, Sun, Type, Champ, and the others. Hell he even hates it when girls are flirting with Pete. Ae thanks Bow and Chaaim when they dismisses the girls. 

Their rituals are known to the whole university:

Ae and Pete will eat breakfast at the dorm cafeteria

Ae will accompany Pete until he reaches his classroom (even the professors are so used to this scene)

Pete will be seen when Ae is on football practice

Pete will stay in one corner of the room when Pond and Ping delivers to Ae the reports of students who were into fights, who was injured due to street fights and so on. And Pete accompanied Ae whenever Ae visits the infirmary. 

Pete is also present when some sub leaders will challenge Ae. Pete is a witness on how scary and how Ae can punch and kick someone and left them like a pulp.

Sun, the other best friend of Ae asked this to Ae one time, ‘Are you sure Pete is not hiding something more important?’

‘What do you mean?’ Ae asked dangerously.

‘Well, your Angel is always present whenever you are being challenged. But for someone who looks delicate and soft, he doesn’t flinched when you punch someone. Usually someone delicate even Dear will flinched and cover their faces. But Pete just looks and deadpan.’

Ae didn’t say anything because he knew about that. Pete doesn’t look distraught or anything, but would come to him with a towel or a first aid kit. At first he wanted to ask if his okay seeing so much blood, but Pete just took care of him like its his work.

They were all on a ‘group date’ to watch a movie in the city. And Ae was surprised at how Pete was really popular, maybe because at school no one approaches Pete because they knew Pete is under his protection, but outside the school, Pete is being approach here and there. Sun, Pond, Ping, Dear, Oat are laughing and telling Ae he needs to move fast cause it looks like Pete is hot and not only females, but male eyes are following Pete whenever he goes. 

Ae accompanied Pete at the front of Pete’s room. Pete told Ae, ‘Ae, I have something for you, actually for N’Yim. Its snacks from Europe. My aunt bought so many for me. And I’m wondering if you can give them to N’Yim.’

Ae nodded and both entered Pete’s room.

Pete then remembered that his room has a weird switch location and he turns around to open the switch when his lips accidentally graze Ae’s lips. 

There was silence. 

Both doesn’t know how much redness on their face for the whole room is still covered in darkness, only a small dim light from the outside can be seen.

Pete was about to open the switch when Ae stops his hand and grasp his waist and kiss him.

‘Pete. I think… I think I like you. I know that this is not like for a brother, a friend… but something else. A like that wants me to kiss you again… and again.’

‘Ae…’

‘Pete… can I kiss you again.’

Pete nodded and they shared a kiss so hot and so tender.

Ae smiles while he lies on his bed. 

Pete wore a worried frown on his face. He then opens his phone and type a message to

Pete: P’Trump. We need to talk.

Trump: Are you ready to surrender?

Pete: No.

Trump: Then let’s talk tomorrow. 10am. The usual warehouse.

Pete: See you.

Pete stands at the warehouse exactly 10am and true to his words, Trump is there with ten of his minions.

‘Pete. I told you to come back to me. I need you.’

‘P’Trump. I thought you were my friend. But you used me.’

‘Pete. I never used you. You needed me. I am offering you a chance to belong.’

‘I never wanted to belong to a bloody gang!’

‘So you’d rather be a Leader’s bitch?! I heard about it Pete! You’re that midget’s bitch!’

‘Ae is not like that.’

‘Now, you’re defending him. Let’s see if you can lose your touch.’

Trump nodded and ten of his minions surrounds Pete.

‘Please P… don’t do this…’

Trump turn around.

He heard nothing but grunts and screams of pain. It was when he heard a crying that he turns around and he saw it.

Pete standing with a dangerous look on his eyes and face.

All the men are sprawled on his feet. 

‘So you never lose your touch. You’re still the Bloody Angel of Death.’

‘Stop going and trying to make me came back. I will not fight anymore for you. I don’t want anymore bloodshed!’

‘Does your Master know this?’

Pete’s fist tightened and looks at the carnage before him.

All Trumps men are in pain, crack ribs, blood everywhere from their face to their arms. He was not able to stop himself when he crack one’s arm and he knew it was broken.

‘So he doesn’t know… Pete come back to me.’

‘No P. I think its time we end this. Please don’t come back looking for me anymore.’

Pete walks away but Trump shouted, ‘You think he will accept you? He will never accept an abnormal man like you Pete! You’re a psychopath! You have a twisted other side in you! He will despise you!’

Ae was worried when Pete didn’t reply on his text messages and was not in his room. He had and his minions looks for him everywhere, he was so out of his mind of worry when a text message came to him after three days.

Ai Koon Chai: Ae Krub. I’m sorry. There was an emergency at home. I’ll be back tomorrow.

AE: As long as you’re okay. See you tomorrow.

Ae wanted to ask so many things but he held himself back.

Pete at his room balcony looks at the sky. 

‘Ae… will you be able to accept me? The real me?’

Pete Pitchaya Pecharn Worachoti, the only son of Pum Pecharn Worachoti. A hard man whose associated at secret military opts, taught him military instructed martial arts to defend himself, and Pete has been in multiple fights with men a full head taller and has more muscle mass than him and still win easily. 

Pum taught Pete to defend himself especially as he looks so much like his mother, beautiful and skinny. Pum will often throw Pete inside a ring to fight one of the soldiers under Pum. 

Pete has beaten up multiple large men despite him being as scrawny and built as a girl.

Pete then developed a certain side in him, he doesn’t want to fight, but when he is threatened it triggers him to protect himself and most often than not, the other party will end up with either a broken face or a broken bones. 

Trump uses this advantage to help him secure being a leader, after all Trump is the only friend of Pete and the only one who knew about him being gay.

Pete decided to hide this side from Ae. As Ae was very determine to protect him and he doesn’t want Ae to abandon him. With Ae he felt himself and comfortable… and he likes Ae… more than a friend.

But for now, he cannot accept Ae’s like. Because he doesn’t deserve it as he is hiding so many things.

[samwinchesterisourhero]

Sam WInchester: The Reluctant Hero

When we wonder in frustration, as to why Sam seems to suffer more than Dean does, instead of being angry at a narative bias, or assuming the show runners hate Sam, take into consideration that Sam and Dean, though equally heroic, are different types of heros  Dean is a willing hero. He has been proud of his job as a hunter since he was young, even if sometimes he was bored with it, or would have liked to persue a career as a machanic. From what we see in flash backs, Dean was boasting “Im a hero!” since high school, where Sam just wanted to be like every other kid.  Sam’s first choice in life is not to be a hero. Not directly anyway. He was studying to become a lawyer.  Azazel said he was becoming a Tax Attorney, but Dean saw him as a Criminal Justice Attorney in What is and What Should Never Be, which I think is more fitting for Sam. The indirect hero that would get justice for the victims. He would make a wonderful psycholigist also. Dean would be a very good cop, or soldier, or first responder.  This is not to say Sam wouldnt run into a burning building to save a family, he most certainly would, but his interests seem to lie mostly in long term after care. So for Sam to be in the front line with Dean, is something he does because its the right thing, not because it’s his chosen life path (early life anyway. he has stated in his later life that he did chose this life for himself) and this makes him a reluctant hero. The problem with that though, is that in literature, the reluctant hero always suffers the most. 

Its no argument that Dean suffers too. Both brothers have broken my heart on many occasions, but Sam’s suffering over any event, stretches far past the season he suffers it in. This is so we, the viewers, have an idea as to how much of a hardship Sam is willing to endure to save Dean and to save the world.  Sam and Dean both willingly went to Hell, but their experiences were greatly different, and unfolded on the show wildly unbalanced. Dean sold his soul for Sam, so Sam would live. He didnt want to go to Hell, but he did it willingly. in Dream a Little Dream, Dean said to his dream self, that he didnt deserve to go to Hell, and even though he made the choice on his own, I think we all feel like it’s a horrible punishment for a guy who just wanted his little brother to live. I know I hoped they could find a way to get him out of the deal, but unfortunately, he didnt. He stayed in Hell for 4 months, or 40 hell years. He was tortured by Alistair for 30 years until he became a torturer himself. Cas raised him out of Hell, completely whole, even old scars were gone, but we didnt know for a while that the memories were haunting him. How did we find out? Because he told Sam. He tearfully confessed to Sam on more than one occasion, what happened, what he did, what it felt like at the time and how it was hurting him then. What came of it is that he got to confront his torturer, and even though he couldnt kill him himelf, Sam killed him for him. Dean got justice.  Sam on the other hand, also willingly went to Hell to save the world, but he felt like he was mainly at fault for breaking the world in the first place, when it was expressed that it wasn’t only him, and he was completely unknowingly breaking it when he did. He obviously didnt want to go to Hell, but he felt it was the right thing to do. What he got for that though, was his soul in Hell, canonically, for 1.5 years, 180 Hell years. He was torured by Lucifer himself in the most brutal ways imaginable. Cas raised his body, soon after he went to the pit, but we arent given an exact amount of time, whether it be an hour or so, or a few weeks, we just know he was physically out for the majority of the year, but I can’t imagine 10 minutes in the cage with Lucifer is a picnic. However, he came back incomplete, without his soul, which endured unimaginable torture. If that’s not enough, while soulless, Sam did things he wasn’t proud of when he got his soul back, and suffered with this, Once he got his memories of Hell back, a whole new level of suffering began.  How was this handled? To our knowledge, he never told anyone the details of his Hell tour. All we know about it, was shown in flash backs and hallucinations, that ended up driving Sam insane. Sam was “fixed” by Cas, by simply shifting the pain to himself, not by Sam talking about it, or confronting his torturer, or anyone killing Lucifer.  Sam didnt get justice in any sense, and he still carries all of this with him. He has even had to work along side Lucifer to try to stop Amara. No one even brought this up, even though Sam had very recently been back to the cage and had to face Lucifer and the trauma all over again.  Season 13 and still Sam hasn’t been given justice or seen closure when Dean’s was answered in only a few episodes. How can we not see the imballance? Well, when we look at it as Sam is the long suffering Reluctant Hero, suck as it may, it makes more sense. It plays into the narrative that the pain piles on Sam, and Sam stuffs it down. We ourselves may forget this happens, if the show itself didn’t bring it up.  The case of Tracy Bell for example. A girl that pops up out of nowhere in 9x2 for no reason than to remind Sam that he let Lucifer out and people got killed. I know a bunch of you blame the writers of the episode for that, as though they hate Sam or Jared, but that was part of the Gardreel story. Something that the producers must have told the writers they wanted. “Bring something painful up from Sam’s past, so that when he feels good at the end of the episode, we can be reminded that theres an Angel healing him from the inside” is probably close to what was said in the meeting. We the viewers need to be reminded that Sam never lets things go, at the same time as he never really speaks of them either.  It took 13 seasons, but Dean confirms for us in 13x4 that Sam doesnt admit things or it makes them real, and then he has to deal with it. Sam even confirms it himself in 12X3 when he says he knows Mom is burying herself in hunting instead of dealing, through years of personal experience. Now that we understand this is part of Sam’s character, we can better understand why we dont get to see his emotional POV very often, and his traumas rarely get worked out.  The differences between Sam being the reluctant hero, and Dean being the willing hero, manifest in many ways.  Dean gets very antsy if its been a few days that they havent had a hunt to go on. Sam however, is content to stay home researching. Their short time of trying to live a domestic life with their girlfriends shows reluctant vs willing also. While Sam was with Amelia, he had nothing to do with hunting except reading the news paper and believing other hunters were taking care of things. He refused to tell Amelia about that part of his life. Dean didnt hunt, but he kept it at arms reach. He kept devils traps in the door ways, a rosary in water under the bed and a gun nearby, and he let Lisa know all about that part of his life, and even tried to live it and maintain a life with her.  Dean is the kind of guy who will show you every scar and tell you the details of how he got it, while Sam will hide his scars. Dean suffers when innocent life is lost, but he holds on to the fact that he’s saved more people than he’s hurt and it can help him make it day to day. Sam feels like he failed if he didnt save someone. This is precicely why Sam suffers the burdens of his wrongs for years,  and Dean doesnt. Dean did a lot of crap while he had the MoC but he hasnt had to visibly suffer from it after the fact. Sam however, is reminded of his poor choices for seasons after the fact. Now since its not a matter of Sam goes to jail for things and Dean doesn’t, we only need to realize its part of maintaining a character trait for us, so we dont forget that Sam never forgives himself and suffers for years over what he considers failures.  Now, this willingness vs reluctance shows in their relationship also. Im not going to try to prove one loves the other more, because I am convinced that Dean is #1 in Sam’s world and Sam is #1 in Dean’s world and they love each other as much as any two people can love each other (to steal from the mouth of JP) they both take care of each other, and neither had to be told to do so. Even when Sam was too little to actually take care of Dean, he still did the best he could by wanting to be with him, and giving him gifts. Dean didnt have to learn 100 ways to make mac and cheese, he did it because he wanted to make Sam happy. That being said, lets move on… Sam’s reluctance in their relationship, isnt that he loves Dean less, or doesn’t want to protect him, but his biggest fear is letting Dean down. He can save Dean’s life a million times but considers himself a failure if he let Dean down. Dean’s biggest fear however is Sam dying. He can let Sam down, he can piss him off, but if Sam isnt alive and well, Dean considers himself a failure. When Sam assumed Dean was dead in S8 and didnt look for him, he was going on a promise that he wouldnt look for him. Since we didnt get enough insight to Sam’s state of mind at the time, Im going to assume that Sam was crushed that Dean was dead, but for himself, it was more important, that he didnt let him down by breaking that promise. He saw how angry Dean was when Dean thought he made a deal that raised him from Hell, so he “knew” Dean would be disappointed if Sam looked for him now. Dean however, needs Sam to be alive, so he will risk Sam being disappointed and possibly hating him, as long as he’s alive.  So now in S11 its brought up again, that Sam didnt look for Dean in Purgatory, and Sam hadnt forgiven himself for it, its not the writers hating Sam/Jared, its showing us that Sam still hasnt gotten over letting Dean down. He’s a long suffering character, and doesnt see that he was justified in his actions, but instead blames himself for inaction. This fits right into Sam not finding a Win in a case where he couldnt save everyone. He knows he helps more people than he hurts, but the fact that he hurts people at all outweighs the good in his eyes.  There will be a time Im sure, and hopefully soon, given the events of the last 2 seasons, that Sam may collapse under all this weight. Maybe he will have some time to voice how badly things hurt him. But if he doesnt. try not to write it off as no one caring about his character, but understand his character feels like a burden if he unloads to people, even, and especially to Dean, who Im sure he believes has enough burden on his shoulders, without Sam sharing his. So try to be patient my friends. This would come out differently if it was a written story. The writer would be able to show us inside Sam’s head easier than they can this way. The only way into Sam’s head is through someone vocalizing it. If Sam does, then we dont see him burying things, if someone else does, it sometimes looks like hes being picked on for no reason…. but there is a good reason. It’s to keep his character consistant as the longsuffering reluctant hero. By @missjackil

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Musings #64: A Squiggles Meister’s Views on the potential parallels between the RWBY V3 and V6 finales.

I’ve been saying this for a while now but I believe the CRWBY Writers might be gearing us fans up to have the V6 finale pay homage to the epic V3 finale or at least that’s my theory. So if I had to guess the parallels to V3 that might pop up during the V6 finale, here’s what I think they’ll be:

 Grimm Rampage through Vale ------ Grimm Rampage through Argus

During V3, the City of Vale got rampaged by hordes of Grimm including one colossal Grimm Dragon. I have been wondering what the point of the Wall of Argus was alluding to. I still stand by my previous hunch that something is going to come from beyond the wall to rampage the city. Either that’s the case or the one in my next parallel.

Grimm Dragon from Mountain Glenn ----- Grimm Hecatonchire from the Wall of Argus

A bit of a stretch but what if… there’s secretly a Grimm Titan like a Hecatonchire Grimm that’s secretly hidden inside the Wall of Argus. Since Cordo preached about her Atlesian ancestors helping to form Argus, imagine if those same ancestors put Grimm inside the Wall of Argus or built the city around one that’s been dormant for centuries just like the Grimm Dragon.

In the series, Attack on Titan, it was revealed in a later season that there were Titans in the actual walls that were supposed to keep humanity safe from the Titans. Imagine how cool it would be if a Grimm Hecatonchire suddenly immerged from the Wall of Argus in the same fashion as the Grimm Dragon in V3 and similar to its Dragon counterpart, it also brings forth legions of Grimm to prey on the innocent civilians of Argus, forcing the Argus Military to cease their pursuit of our heroes and take immediate charge to protect the citizens of Argus.

Huntsman vs Atlesian Paladins-----Huntsmen vs Atlesian Megazord

In V3, we got all the main huntsmen from different academies working together to defend Beacon against the swarm of corrupted Atlesian Paladins. Now in V6, it seems C10 set up out heroes who, may not be from different academies but represent the diversity of the kingdoms in a sense (minus Vacuo) going toe to toe against Cordo and her Atlesian Megazord.

Weiss Summons Armor Gigas against the Paladins---Weiss summon Armor Gigas against Cordo

In V3, we got Weiss summoning part of her Armour Gigas for the first time. Right now, Weiss’s trademark summon is the only thing that can grow to a size big enough to give Cordo’s giant megazord a run for its money provided she has the aura levels to do so. I’m sure if Jaune were to amplify Weiss’ aura, the same way he did with her last season and at the start of V6 with Ren, we could get our first ever giant robot vs giant armoured summon fight in the history of RWBY.

Velvet Weapon Reveal ----- Oscar Weapon Reveal

Need I say more? V3 was the first time we saw Velvet’s weapon and her semblance I think too in action. Who knows? If we play our cards right we might finally see what the Oz-cane can do at its true power because as a Pinehead, I have definitely been wondering what tricks to the Oz-cane Oz was talking about back in V5.

Cinder killed Ozpin ---- Neo kills Oscar

Now before my fellow Pineheads come at me with them pitchforks for daring to even theorize this, let me explain my hunch. What if…on the same level as Adam’s reappearance, Cinder Fall also shows her face in Argus and she targets Ruby as expected. So Cinder overpowers Ruby with Neo’s help and just as Neo is about the deal the final blow to Ruby, Oscar jumps in and takes it for her, right through the heart.

I have been hearing this whole thing about Neo doing something to make the fandom hate her going around for a while and I’ve even had one or two fellow FNDM come to me with the theory of Neo harming Oscar. Well here’s my rendition of that theory. What if…Neo goes in for the kill on Ruby but Oscar daringly jumps infront of Ruby to shield her and takes it. So Oscar is there on the ground on the cusp of death. Maybe to make the situation even more dramatic, he straight up does die in Ruby’s arms, shocking her and the fandom.

Then after Oscar technically dies, instead of going to the afterlife as one would expect or reincarnating, Oscar shockingly winds up in the Realm between Realms where he meets the God of Darkness, similar to how God of Light met with Ozma. To Oscar’s surprise, a reluctant Ozpin is also present. The God of Darkness then offers the two souls something neither could refuse. He offers them the chance to undo what his brother did centuries ago. As it turns out, the whole reincarnation thing was all Light’s idea because he still believed in humanity and that they could change.

His brother felt the opposite but he did want to entertain himself a bit with his brother’s immortal pet. So he offers both Ozpin and Oscar the chance to undo his brother’s curse so that they may return to their normal lives free of having to be revived to continue his brother’s dirty work. 

But he only offers the deed to one. In order to decide who gets to return to the land of the living, God of Darkness forces Oscar and Ozpin to fight each other one and one to see which soul gets revived only. And to Oscar’s surprise, Ozpin actually wants to fight him so that he can finally be free. So the two souls fight. Of course, Oscar wins and gets to go back but this time he’ll be revived by himself as himself. No longer will he have Ozpin’s voice inside of his head. He’ll be his own person again. He’ll be…alone; a comment made by a grief stricken Ozpin.

It’d be interesting if we could get an equivalent of Oscar calling out Ozpin in the same manner Ruby did to Qrow in V6 C10. Oscar scolds Ozpin for his words implying that he’s never been alone. He’s always had his people. His friends and so does Oscar and so long as they accept him and wish to keep fighting, so will he until his dying breath. His last dying breath in his now only life.

The God of Light’s curse was bestowed so that Ozma was never alone during his cycle but Oscar would be revived as himself without Ozpin. He will be the last incarnate. The last life. The last Wizard of Light. So as Ozpin goes to the afterlife, Oscar returns to the real world where he returns as himself to continue the good fight.

This parallel will probably not happen at all. Definitely not. But as always, I wanted to toss it out there just to entertain myself at the possibility, y’know what I mean?

Team JNPR dies with Pyrhha ---- Team JNPR is reborn with Oscar

Ya’ll know I’ve been saying this since the beginning, right? Ya’ll know how much I want that Team JNPR Revival with Oscar replacing Pyrhha right? I feel like these past two episodes are slowly gearing up to have this happen. Though I didn’t particularly enjoy C9, it did give me my biggest indicators of Jaune asking Oscar to join JNR. 

That Pyrhha closure for JNR. Jaune mentioning in his own words how valuable Oscar is to the team. Bruh, at this point, I’m just waiting for this to come. I’m waiting on this conversation.

Cinder killed Pyrhha----Jaune kills Cinder

This one I’m a little iffy about. I know I’ve been waiting for Jaune to have Justice for Pyrhha moment with Cinder but after C9 I don’t think Jaune will be as angry to kill Cinder anymore. I mean, if Cinder turns into a Grimm monster or gets eaten by a Grimm only to fuse with said Grimm making her less human. Then I can see Jaune being the one to deal the final blow on Grimm Cinder. I’ve said this before too. If anyone deserves to kill Cinder, it’s Jaune.

I doubt the Writers will make him kill her as human but…if she turns into a Grimm then it’s a bigger possibility but that’s just me.

Adam vs Blake and Yang ----- Adam vs Blake and Yang The Remix

Duh. Just duh. This doesn’t even need to be on the list because it’s something the season has been alluding to all volume. Plus C10 already showed it happening. The only twist I can think of from this fight is if Adam dying at the end. I know some people like Adam as a character (like EruptionFang) but I really feel the Writers might be setting up for V6 to be Adam’s curtain call.

I can’t see Adam moving forward, not after the focus he’s been given this season. It’ll be interesting if Adam ends up dying in a similar fashion to Gaston from the Beauty and the Beast. Like he tries to stab Blake but ends up missing and falling to his death. Or maybe he ends up caught on the ledge and Blake tries to help him. Like I’m picturing Adam on the ledge with Blake offering him her hand only for Adam to refuse and fall to his death or something. That’s my hunch.

Then after the Adam fight is one and he’s no longer a thorn in their lives, the Bumblebee could finally have their closure with that. Who knows? Maybe they might make Bumblebee have a moment in the V6 finale. Instead of Blake crying over Yang getting hurt, it’s the two smiling at each other after being found safe together. Maybe they might even kiss, who knows? I’m not a Bumblebee shipper but if a kiss somehow happens between these two gals, I won’t be shocked. I can expect Yang to kiss Blake revealing she’s in love with her.

Again, I ship BlackSun but Bumblebee peaks my curiosity particularly with how Yang sees Blake. I’ve always viewed the Bees as being a ship driven by Yang mostly. Ironic since Yang’s motorcycle is also named Bumblebee. Any Bumblebee hints or vibes I’ve gotten throughout the seasons came mostly from Yang. I think Yang might care for Blake in the romantic sense. Blake I’m not sure about.

I don’t know if Bumblebee is in the cards. All I know is that I think the series has kind of dropped one or two hints about Yang’s true feelings that I’m waiting to see addressed in some shape or form in this remix rematch battle. If all the Bees do is hug then cool. But if they kiss, I’m just saying I won’t be shocked. But that’s just me.

 Arkos First Kiss ---- Renora First Kiss

Nothing serious, I just want to see these two kids kiss finally. And what would be great is if Nora and Ren kiss after the group save Argus. The Arkos first kiss was bittersweet because it was Pyrhha’s last chance to let the boy she loves know how she felt about him before she sacrificed herself. A Renora after battle kiss would mean hope and happiness. For Pete’s sake, it’s been six seasons, let these two kiss already you cowards!

Alrighty then, I think that’s all the parallels I have in mind. If I think of anymore I’ll add them to the list later. For now, enjoy guys!

More Squiggles’ RWBY Content

~LittleMissSquiggles (2018)  

[missjackil]

Sam Winchester: The Reluctant Hero

When we wonder in frustration, as to why Sam seems to suffer more than Dean does, instead of being angry at a narative bias, or assuming the show runners hate Sam, take into consideration that Sam and Dean, though equally heroic, are different types of heros  Dean is a willing hero. He has been proud of his job as a hunter since he was young, even if sometimes he was bored with it, or would have liked to persue a career as a machanic. From what we see in flash backs, Dean was boasting “Im a hero!” since high school, where Sam just wanted to be like every other kid.  Sam’s first choice in life is not to be a hero. Not directly anyway. He was studying to become a lawyer.  Azazel said he was becoming a Tax Attorney, but Dean saw him as a Criminal Justice Attorney in What is and What Should Never Be, which I think is more fitting for Sam. The indirect hero that would get justice for the victims. He would make a wonderful psycholigist also. Dean would be a very good cop, or soldier, or first responder.  This is not to say Sam wouldnt run into a burning building to save a family, he most certainly would, but his interests seem to lie mostly in long term after care. So for Sam to be in the front line with Dean, is something he does because its the right thing, not because it’s his chosen life path (early life anyway. he has stated in his later life that he did chose this life for himself) and this makes him a reluctant hero. The problem with that though, is that in literature, the reluctant hero always suffers the most. 

Its no argument that Dean suffers too. Both brothers have broken my heart on many occasions, but Sam’s suffering over any event, stretches far past the season he suffers it in. This is so we, the viewers, have an idea as to how much of a hardship Sam is willing to endure to save Dean and to save the world.  Sam and Dean both willingly went to Hell, but their experiences were greatly different, and unfolded on the show wildly unbalanced. Dean sold his soul for Sam, so Sam would live. He didnt want to go to Hell, but he did it willingly. in Dream a Little Dream, Dean said to his dream self, that he didnt deserve to go to Hell, and even though he made the choice on his own, I think we all feel like it’s a horrible punishment for a guy who just wanted his little brother to live. I know I hoped they could find a way to get him out of the deal, but unfortunately, he didnt. He stayed in Hell for 4 months, or 40 hell years. He was tortured by Alistair for 30 years until he became a torturer himself. Cas raised him out of Hell, completely whole, even old scars were gone, but we didnt know for a while that the memories were haunting him. How did we find out? Because he told Sam. He tearfully confessed to Sam on more than one occasion, what happened, what he did, what it felt like at the time and how it was hurting him then. What came of it is that he got to confront his torturer, and even though he couldnt kill him himelf, Sam killed him for him. Dean got justice.  Sam on the other hand, also willingly went to Hell to save the world, but he felt like he was mainly at fault for breaking the world in the first place, when it was expressed that it wasn’t only him, and he was completely unknowingly breaking it when he did. He obviously didnt want to go to Hell, but he felt it was the right thing to do. What he got for that though, was his soul in Hell, canonically, for 1.5 years, 180 Hell years. He was torured by Lucifer himself in the most brutal ways imaginable. Cas raised his body, soon after he went to the pit, but we arent given an exact amount of time, whether it be an hour or so, or a few weeks, we just know he was physically out for the majority of the year, but I can’t imagine 10 minutes in the cage with Lucifer is a picnic. However, he came back incomplete, without his soul, which endured unimaginable torture. If that’s not enough, while soulless, Sam did things he wasn’t proud of when he got his soul back, and suffered with this, Once he got his memories of Hell back, a whole new level of suffering began.  How was this handled? To our knowledge, he never told anyone the details of his Hell tour. All we know about it, was shown in flash backs and hallucinations, that ended up driving Sam insane. Sam was “fixed” by Cas, by simply shifting the pain to himself, not by Sam talking about it, or confronting his torturer, or anyone killing Lucifer.  Sam didnt get justice in any sense, and he still carries all of this with him. He has even had to work along side Lucifer to try to stop Amara. No one even brought this up, even though Sam had very recently been back to the cage and had to face Lucifer and the trauma all over again.  Season 13 and still Sam hasn’t been given justice or seen closure when Dean’s was answered in only a few episodes. How can we not see the imballance? Well, when we look at it as Sam is the long suffering Reluctant Hero, suck as it may, it makes more sense. It plays into the narrative that the pain piles on Sam, and Sam stuffs it down. We ourselves may forget this happens, if the show itself didn’t bring it up.  The case of Tracy Bell for example. A girl that pops up out of nowhere in 9x2 for no reason than to remind Sam that he let Lucifer out and people got killed. I know a bunch of you blame the writers of the episode for that, as though they hate Sam or Jared, but that was part of the Gardreel story. Something that the producers must have told the writers they wanted. “Bring something painful up from Sam’s past, so that when he feels good at the end of the episode, we can be reminded that theres an Angel healing him from the inside” is probably close to what was said in the meeting. We the viewers need to be reminded that Sam never lets things go, at the same time as he never really speaks of them either.  It took 13 seasons, but Dean confirms for us in 13x4 that Sam doesnt admit things or it makes them real, and then he has to deal with it. Sam even confirms it himself in 12X3 when he says he knows Mom is burying herself in hunting instead of dealing, through years of personal experience. Now that we understand this is part of Sam’s character, we can better understand why we dont get to see his emotional POV very often, and his traumas rarely get worked out.  The differences between Sam being the reluctant hero, and Dean being the willing hero, manifest in many ways.  Dean gets very antsy if its been a few days that they havent had a hunt to go on. Sam however, is content to stay home researching. Their short time of trying to live a domestic life with their girlfriends shows reluctant vs willing also. While Sam was with Amelia, he had nothing to do with hunting except reading the news paper and believing other hunters were taking care of things. He refused to tell Amelia about that part of his life. Dean didnt hunt, but he kept it at arms reach. He kept devils traps in the door ways, a rosary in water under the bed and a gun nearby, and he let Lisa know all about that part of his life, and even tried to live it and maintain a life with her.  Dean is the kind of guy who will show you every scar and tell you the details of how he got it, while Sam will hide his scars. Dean suffers when innocent life is lost, but he holds on to the fact that he’s saved more people than he’s hurt and it can help him make it day to day. Sam feels like he failed if he didnt save someone. This is precicely why Sam suffers the burdens of his wrongs for years,  and Dean doesnt. Dean did a lot of crap while he had the MoC but he hasnt had to visibly suffer from it after the fact. Sam however, is reminded of his poor choices for seasons after the fact. Now since its not a matter of Sam goes to jail for things and Dean doesn’t, we only need to realize its part of maintaining a character trait for us, so we dont forget that Sam never forgives himself and suffers for years over what he considers failures.  Now, this willingness vs reluctance shows in their relationship also. Im not going to try to prove one loves the other more, because I am convinced that Dean is #1 in Sam’s world and Sam is #1 in Dean’s world and they love each other as much as any two people can love each other (to steal from the mouth of JP) they both take care of each other, and neither had to be told to do so. Even when Sam was too little to actually take care of Dean, he still did the best he could by wanting to be with him, and giving him gifts. Dean didnt have to learn 100 ways to make mac and cheese, he did it because he wanted to make Sam happy. That being said, lets move on... Sam’s reluctance in their relationship, isnt that he loves Dean less, or doesn’t want to protect him, but his biggest fear is letting Dean down. He can save Dean’s life a million times but considers himself a failure if he let Dean down. Dean’s biggest fear however is Sam dying. He can let Sam down, he can piss him off, but if Sam isnt alive and well, Dean considers himself a failure. When Sam assumed Dean was dead in S8 and didnt look for him, he was going on a promise that he wouldnt look for him. Since we didnt get enough insight to Sam’s state of mind at the time, Im going to assume that Sam was crushed that Dean was dead, but for himself, it was more important, that he didnt let him down by breaking that promise. He saw how angry Dean was when Dean thought he made a deal that raised him from Hell, so he “knew” Dean would be disappointed if Sam looked for him now. Dean however, needs Sam to be alive, so he will risk Sam being disappointed and possibly hating him, as long as he’s alive.  So now in S11 its brought up again, that Sam didnt look for Dean in Purgatory, and Sam hadnt forgiven himself for it, its not the writers hating Sam/Jared, its showing us that Sam still hasnt gotten over letting Dean down. He’s a long suffering character, and doesnt see that he was justified in his actions, but instead blames himself for inaction. This fits right into Sam not finding a Win in a case where he couldnt save everyone. He knows he helps more people than he hurts, but the fact that he hurts people at all outweighs the good in his eyes.  There will be a time Im sure, and hopefully soon, given the events of the last 2 seasons, that Sam may collapse under all this weight. Maybe he will have some time to voice how badly things hurt him. But if he doesnt. try not to write it off as no one caring about his character, but understand his character feels like a burden if he unloads to people, even, and especially to Dean, who Im sure he believes has enough burden on his shoulders, without Sam sharing his. So try to be patient my friends. This would come out differently if it was a written story. The writer would be able to show us inside Sam’s head easier than they can this way. The only way into Sam’s head is through someone vocalizing it. If Sam does, then we dont see him burying things, if someone else does, it sometimes looks like hes being picked on for no reason.... but there is a good reason. It’s to keep his character consistant as the longsuffering reluctant hero.

[jimdsmith34]

The 6 Red Flags About My Relationship That Showed Me I Needed To End It

Theres no hurt quite like heartbreak, but sometimes, its necessary. Money, sex (or lack thereof), and different ambitions can sometimes put the lid on a relationship.

While theres something to be said for working things out, sometimes, breaking up is the only thing to do.

At the time, it might behard to articulate why itdidnt work out, but theres a reason for the term 20/20 hindsight. Time has a great way of putting it all in perspective.

When you look back on the slips and stumbles that led to your breakup, youll probably see that the signs something wasnt working out were all there.

And if youre anything like me, youll probably feel residual guilt.

Dont beat yourself up. There were reasons why it wasnt working out. Have confidencethat the break was necessary. It really wasnt supposed to be so much work.

Here are the things that showed me it was time to end my relationship:

1. I Was Always Stressed

Like the old saying about a frog in a pot of boiling water,the anxiety crept up so slowly on me that I got used to it over time.

It wasnt until the relationship was over and my heartbreak had healed that the knot in my stomach loosened and the tension in my shoulders uncoiled.

Most likely, the stress came from a combination of issuesthat werent completely about the relationship. In fact, it was probably pretty likely that a lot of stress from my life of my relationship contributed to stress it.

Money was the main one. I wasnt making enough, and he was makingless. Two of my past boyfriendshave been crushed by student debt,whichlimited their imagination for a future.

It was also difficultto scrounge up the savings to do something fun together. Because of that lack of imagination, they werealso probably more likely to spend extra dough on beer.

Money wasnt the only thing hurting those relationships, and I definitely dont believe I should have ended itbecause we didnt have money or my partnerwas in debt.

When it comes to health, though, Im a firmbeliever ineverybody doing whatis best for themselves.

2. We Were No Longer Emotionally Or Physically Intimate

I am anfan of feelings, as thecrybaby tattoo on my thigh would tell you. If I had to describe what kind of man I go for, I would probably use the word weeping in my description.

It surprised even me then, when I broke up with my first boyfriend because a TV show made him sob.

Again, as with all breakups, this wasnt theonlyreason I needed to end things. The truth was, we had been growing apart for quite some time. The distance between us was not only emotional, but physical as well.

Sex definitely shouldnt be the only thing keeping a relationship together. However, physical intimacy is like the lubricant that I think most relationships need. Sex makes arguments seem less significant, and it can wipe away a bad day at work with some tangible, physical feels.

After more than two years together, though, early infatuation had worn off, and wehad stopped having sex. And pretty soon, that meant that we grew farther apart in other ways, and the distance was impossible to close.

So when I looked over at my boyfriends tear-streaked face during the final episode of and yelled at him about how the show was justevil war propaganda, and therefore, he shouldnt be sad? I didntthink that it wasnt OK for him to cry.

I was just angry because I used to understand him, and I no longer did.

3. I Lost Touch With My Friends

That first relationship, the one I was just referring to, isolated me in more than one way. It was the first time I had been seriously involved with a person, and as we got together just after I graduated college, it was a period of enormous transition.

During our first few months together, myfriends were also goingoff to other cities to pursue their dreams. I missed them, of course, but I didnt have the strong urge to meet new people the way I would if I was single. I thought that my boyfriend could meet all of those needs.

I was wrong, though, as I would come to learn.Partners cannot be everything to one another, and its important tohave robustfriendships outside of them. Otherwise, youre placing a lot of burden on the relationship. Under all of that pressure, it was no wonder that things started to crumble.

I could have made new friends, of course, but my boyfriend was reluctant for me to spend time with other people.He was clingier than I was,and I didnt want to hurt him. So I allowed it, even though I knew it was making me unhappy.

If I had listened to myself then, I wouldnt have madeof us so miserable at the end.

4. He Wouldnt Give Me Space

Now that Ive been through a few rough breakups, I think I know that, in a securerelationship, a couple can give one another what each personneeds tofeelwhole in themselves, without relying on the other person.

Of course, I haventbeen in a relationship thats like that yet, but thats what I hear.

When my first relationship was on the rocks, I tried to take a few steps back to breathe and figure out what I really wanted.

My boyfriend said he was OK with a break, but still found a way to be near me: getting off his commuter bus right outside of the library where I would be studying, drinking at the bar where I was going with my friend, and even going so far as to guiltme into bringing him home to my parents for Thanksgiving.

If things were going swimmingly, I wouldnt have needed so much spacein the first place. And Im not sure that things would have lasted even if he granted it.

But the fact that he couldnt even grant a bit of freedom to me? Well, that told me everything.

5. He Projected His Failures On Me

Even as I write these words yearslater,I feelguilty. I feelthe immediate need to backpedal and saythat I dont reallymy ex-boyfriend was a failure that he was successful in all other ways than me.

I want to say, Guys, I swear, I dont mean it! He was good at his job! He probably has gotten a raise and makes more than me now! Heck, he even has a 401(k), and I have zero money in savings, so hell be able to retire one day!

See how I do that? See how I make myself smaller?

That instinct runsdeep with me. The bolder truth is that I amgood at things, but more than one boyfriend have found little ways to disempower me and takeme down.

One boyfriend would always tell me that it washard to make money as a writer. That I could write a book, but it was unlikely that it would get picked up by a major publisher, and even then, I wouldnt make enough to live on.

Healsoworked in publishingso hewould know.

Another boyfriend once cried to me thatwanted to be a writer, and didnt understand why I could do it and he couldnt.

Now, Im lucky enough to know that I just dont have time for that. The moment somebody tried to make more room for their ego by minimizing mine, Ineeded to end my relationship.

Your friends will tell youthat you were built to fly. Your partner should, too.

6. I Wanted MoreWhile He Wanted Less

I can look back at every single one of my breakups whether or not I was the person who initiated it and see that, ultimately, it came down to one of us wanting more than the other could give.

I broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 24 years old because I wanted more of. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to make new friends.

Yes, I also wanted to experience more lovers, even if it came with more heartbreak.

As for him, hehad been settled for a while. Its been over three years, and he still works in the same office and lives in the same house. I moved and changed jobs at least seven times before getting out of that city altogether.

Thats not to say that either path is good or bad. Its just what happened. If we had gotten married, it wouldnt have been right.

As a matter of fact, Im pretty sure hes getting married to the next girl he met very soon. And Im perfectly fine with it not being me.

My next boyfriend wanted less of an emotional commitment. Hedidnt want to take trips together and hated saying I love you. We were not moving toward anything and, with the exception of number four, all of the above symptoms had set in.

Both of those boyfriendswere completely different, to the extent that I even feel like I was somebody else when I was withthem.

Thinking about it now, that might be the biggest sign that I needed to end my relationship, but I couldnt have known that at the time.

Because first, I had to find myself.

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/06/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship.html

[adambstingus]

The 6 Red Flags About My Relationship That Showed Me I Needed To End It

Theres no hurt quite like heartbreak, but sometimes, its necessary. Money, sex (or lack thereof), and different ambitions can sometimes put the lid on a relationship.

While theres something to be said for working things out, sometimes, breaking up is the only thing to do.

At the time, it might behard to articulate why itdidnt work out, but theres a reason for the term 20/20 hindsight. Time has a great way of putting it all in perspective.

When you look back on the slips and stumbles that led to your breakup, youll probably see that the signs something wasnt working out were all there.

And if youre anything like me, youll probably feel residual guilt.

Dont beat yourself up. There were reasons why it wasnt working out. Have confidencethat the break was necessary. It really wasnt supposed to be so much work.

Here are the things that showed me it was time to end my relationship:

1. I Was Always Stressed

Like the old saying about a frog in a pot of boiling water,the anxiety crept up so slowly on me that I got used to it over time.

It wasnt until the relationship was over and my heartbreak had healed that the knot in my stomach loosened and the tension in my shoulders uncoiled.

Most likely, the stress came from a combination of issuesthat werent completely about the relationship. In fact, it was probably pretty likely that a lot of stress from my life of my relationship contributed to stress it.

Money was the main one. I wasnt making enough, and he was makingless. Two of my past boyfriendshave been crushed by student debt,whichlimited their imagination for a future.

It was also difficultto scrounge up the savings to do something fun together. Because of that lack of imagination, they werealso probably more likely to spend extra dough on beer.

Money wasnt the only thing hurting those relationships, and I definitely dont believe I should have ended itbecause we didnt have money or my partnerwas in debt.

When it comes to health, though, Im a firmbeliever ineverybody doing whatis best for themselves.

2. We Were No Longer Emotionally Or Physically Intimate

I am anfan of feelings, as thecrybaby tattoo on my thigh would tell you. If I had to describe what kind of man I go for, I would probably use the word weeping in my description.

It surprised even me then, when I broke up with my first boyfriend because a TV show made him sob.

Again, as with all breakups, this wasnt theonlyreason I needed to end things. The truth was, we had been growing apart for quite some time. The distance between us was not only emotional, but physical as well.

Sex definitely shouldnt be the only thing keeping a relationship together. However, physical intimacy is like the lubricant that I think most relationships need. Sex makes arguments seem less significant, and it can wipe away a bad day at work with some tangible, physical feels.

After more than two years together, though, early infatuation had worn off, and wehad stopped having sex. And pretty soon, that meant that we grew farther apart in other ways, and the distance was impossible to close.

So when I looked over at my boyfriends tear-streaked face during the final episode of and yelled at him about how the show was justevil war propaganda, and therefore, he shouldnt be sad? I didntthink that it wasnt OK for him to cry.

I was just angry because I used to understand him, and I no longer did.

3. I Lost Touch With My Friends

That first relationship, the one I was just referring to, isolated me in more than one way. It was the first time I had been seriously involved with a person, and as we got together just after I graduated college, it was a period of enormous transition.

During our first few months together, myfriends were also goingoff to other cities to pursue their dreams. I missed them, of course, but I didnt have the strong urge to meet new people the way I would if I was single. I thought that my boyfriend could meet all of those needs.

I was wrong, though, as I would come to learn.Partners cannot be everything to one another, and its important tohave robustfriendships outside of them. Otherwise, youre placing a lot of burden on the relationship. Under all of that pressure, it was no wonder that things started to crumble.

I could have made new friends, of course, but my boyfriend was reluctant for me to spend time with other people.He was clingier than I was,and I didnt want to hurt him. So I allowed it, even though I knew it was making me unhappy.

If I had listened to myself then, I wouldnt have madeof us so miserable at the end.

4. He Wouldnt Give Me Space

Now that Ive been through a few rough breakups, I think I know that, in a securerelationship, a couple can give one another what each personneeds tofeelwhole in themselves, without relying on the other person.

Of course, I haventbeen in a relationship thats like that yet, but thats what I hear.

When my first relationship was on the rocks, I tried to take a few steps back to breathe and figure out what I really wanted.

My boyfriend said he was OK with a break, but still found a way to be near me: getting off his commuter bus right outside of the library where I would be studying, drinking at the bar where I was going with my friend, and even going so far as to guiltme into bringing him home to my parents for Thanksgiving.

If things were going swimmingly, I wouldnt have needed so much spacein the first place. And Im not sure that things would have lasted even if he granted it.

But the fact that he couldnt even grant a bit of freedom to me? Well, that told me everything.

5. He Projected His Failures On Me

Even as I write these words yearslater,I feelguilty. I feelthe immediate need to backpedal and saythat I dont reallymy ex-boyfriend was a failure that he was successful in all other ways than me.

I want to say, Guys, I swear, I dont mean it! He was good at his job! He probably has gotten a raise and makes more than me now! Heck, he even has a 401(k), and I have zero money in savings, so hell be able to retire one day!

See how I do that? See how I make myself smaller?

That instinct runsdeep with me. The bolder truth is that I amgood at things, but more than one boyfriend have found little ways to disempower me and takeme down.

One boyfriend would always tell me that it washard to make money as a writer. That I could write a book, but it was unlikely that it would get picked up by a major publisher, and even then, I wouldnt make enough to live on.

Healsoworked in publishingso hewould know.

Another boyfriend once cried to me thatwanted to be a writer, and didnt understand why I could do it and he couldnt.

Now, Im lucky enough to know that I just dont have time for that. The moment somebody tried to make more room for their ego by minimizing mine, Ineeded to end my relationship.

Your friends will tell youthat you were built to fly. Your partner should, too.

6. I Wanted MoreWhile He Wanted Less

I can look back at every single one of my breakups whether or not I was the person who initiated it and see that, ultimately, it came down to one of us wanting more than the other could give.

I broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 24 years old because I wanted more of. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to make new friends.

Yes, I also wanted to experience more lovers, even if it came with more heartbreak.

As for him, hehad been settled for a while. Its been over three years, and he still works in the same office and lives in the same house. I moved and changed jobs at least seven times before getting out of that city altogether.

Thats not to say that either path is good or bad. Its just what happened. If we had gotten married, it wouldnt have been right.

As a matter of fact, Im pretty sure hes getting married to the next girl he met very soon. And Im perfectly fine with it not being me.

My next boyfriend wanted less of an emotional commitment. Hedidnt want to take trips together and hated saying I love you. We were not moving toward anything and, with the exception of number four, all of the above symptoms had set in.

Both of those boyfriendswere completely different, to the extent that I even feel like I was somebody else when I was withthem.

Thinking about it now, that might be the biggest sign that I needed to end my relationship, but I couldnt have known that at the time.

Because first, I had to find myself.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/162338064777

[samanthasroberts]

The 6 Red Flags About My Relationship That Showed Me I Needed To End It

Theres no hurt quite like heartbreak, but sometimes, its necessary. Money, sex (or lack thereof), and different ambitions can sometimes put the lid on a relationship.

While theres something to be said for working things out, sometimes, breaking up is the only thing to do.

At the time, it might behard to articulate why itdidnt work out, but theres a reason for the term 20/20 hindsight. Time has a great way of putting it all in perspective.

When you look back on the slips and stumbles that led to your breakup, youll probably see that the signs something wasnt working out were all there.

And if youre anything like me, youll probably feel residual guilt.

Dont beat yourself up. There were reasons why it wasnt working out. Have confidencethat the break was necessary. It really wasnt supposed to be so much work.

Here are the things that showed me it was time to end my relationship:

1. I Was Always Stressed

Like the old saying about a frog in a pot of boiling water,the anxiety crept up so slowly on me that I got used to it over time.

It wasnt until the relationship was over and my heartbreak had healed that the knot in my stomach loosened and the tension in my shoulders uncoiled.

Most likely, the stress came from a combination of issuesthat werent completely about the relationship. In fact, it was probably pretty likely that a lot of stress from my life of my relationship contributed to stress it.

Money was the main one. I wasnt making enough, and he was makingless. Two of my past boyfriendshave been crushed by student debt,whichlimited their imagination for a future.

It was also difficultto scrounge up the savings to do something fun together. Because of that lack of imagination, they werealso probably more likely to spend extra dough on beer.

Money wasnt the only thing hurting those relationships, and I definitely dont believe I should have ended itbecause we didnt have money or my partnerwas in debt.

When it comes to health, though, Im a firmbeliever ineverybody doing whatis best for themselves.

2. We Were No Longer Emotionally Or Physically Intimate

I am anfan of feelings, as thecrybaby tattoo on my thigh would tell you. If I had to describe what kind of man I go for, I would probably use the word weeping in my description.

It surprised even me then, when I broke up with my first boyfriend because a TV show made him sob.

Again, as with all breakups, this wasnt theonlyreason I needed to end things. The truth was, we had been growing apart for quite some time. The distance between us was not only emotional, but physical as well.

Sex definitely shouldnt be the only thing keeping a relationship together. However, physical intimacy is like the lubricant that I think most relationships need. Sex makes arguments seem less significant, and it can wipe away a bad day at work with some tangible, physical feels.

After more than two years together, though, early infatuation had worn off, and wehad stopped having sex. And pretty soon, that meant that we grew farther apart in other ways, and the distance was impossible to close.

So when I looked over at my boyfriends tear-streaked face during the final episode of and yelled at him about how the show was justevil war propaganda, and therefore, he shouldnt be sad? I didntthink that it wasnt OK for him to cry.

I was just angry because I used to understand him, and I no longer did.

3. I Lost Touch With My Friends

That first relationship, the one I was just referring to, isolated me in more than one way. It was the first time I had been seriously involved with a person, and as we got together just after I graduated college, it was a period of enormous transition.

During our first few months together, myfriends were also goingoff to other cities to pursue their dreams. I missed them, of course, but I didnt have the strong urge to meet new people the way I would if I was single. I thought that my boyfriend could meet all of those needs.

I was wrong, though, as I would come to learn.Partners cannot be everything to one another, and its important tohave robustfriendships outside of them. Otherwise, youre placing a lot of burden on the relationship. Under all of that pressure, it was no wonder that things started to crumble.

I could have made new friends, of course, but my boyfriend was reluctant for me to spend time with other people.He was clingier than I was,and I didnt want to hurt him. So I allowed it, even though I knew it was making me unhappy.

If I had listened to myself then, I wouldnt have madeof us so miserable at the end.

4. He Wouldnt Give Me Space

Now that Ive been through a few rough breakups, I think I know that, in a securerelationship, a couple can give one another what each personneeds tofeelwhole in themselves, without relying on the other person.

Of course, I haventbeen in a relationship thats like that yet, but thats what I hear.

When my first relationship was on the rocks, I tried to take a few steps back to breathe and figure out what I really wanted.

My boyfriend said he was OK with a break, but still found a way to be near me: getting off his commuter bus right outside of the library where I would be studying, drinking at the bar where I was going with my friend, and even going so far as to guiltme into bringing him home to my parents for Thanksgiving.

If things were going swimmingly, I wouldnt have needed so much spacein the first place. And Im not sure that things would have lasted even if he granted it.

But the fact that he couldnt even grant a bit of freedom to me? Well, that told me everything.

5. He Projected His Failures On Me

Even as I write these words yearslater,I feelguilty. I feelthe immediate need to backpedal and saythat I dont reallymy ex-boyfriend was a failure that he was successful in all other ways than me.

I want to say, Guys, I swear, I dont mean it! He was good at his job! He probably has gotten a raise and makes more than me now! Heck, he even has a 401(k), and I have zero money in savings, so hell be able to retire one day!

See how I do that? See how I make myself smaller?

That instinct runsdeep with me. The bolder truth is that I amgood at things, but more than one boyfriend have found little ways to disempower me and takeme down.

One boyfriend would always tell me that it washard to make money as a writer. That I could write a book, but it was unlikely that it would get picked up by a major publisher, and even then, I wouldnt make enough to live on.

Healsoworked in publishingso hewould know.

Another boyfriend once cried to me thatwanted to be a writer, and didnt understand why I could do it and he couldnt.

Now, Im lucky enough to know that I just dont have time for that. The moment somebody tried to make more room for their ego by minimizing mine, Ineeded to end my relationship.

Your friends will tell youthat you were built to fly. Your partner should, too.

6. I Wanted MoreWhile He Wanted Less

I can look back at every single one of my breakups whether or not I was the person who initiated it and see that, ultimately, it came down to one of us wanting more than the other could give.

I broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 24 years old because I wanted more of. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to make new friends.

Yes, I also wanted to experience more lovers, even if it came with more heartbreak.

As for him, hehad been settled for a while. Its been over three years, and he still works in the same office and lives in the same house. I moved and changed jobs at least seven times before getting out of that city altogether.

Thats not to say that either path is good or bad. Its just what happened. If we had gotten married, it wouldnt have been right.

As a matter of fact, Im pretty sure hes getting married to the next girl he met very soon. And Im perfectly fine with it not being me.

My next boyfriend wanted less of an emotional commitment. Hedidnt want to take trips together and hated saying I love you. We were not moving toward anything and, with the exception of number four, all of the above symptoms had set in.

Both of those boyfriendswere completely different, to the extent that I even feel like I was somebody else when I was withthem.

Thinking about it now, that might be the biggest sign that I needed to end my relationship, but I couldnt have known that at the time.

Because first, I had to find myself.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/

[allofbeercom]

The 6 Red Flags About My Relationship That Showed Me I Needed To End It

Theres no hurt quite like heartbreak, but sometimes, its necessary. Money, sex (or lack thereof), and different ambitions can sometimes put the lid on a relationship.

While theres something to be said for working things out, sometimes, breaking up is the only thing to do.

At the time, it might behard to articulate why itdidnt work out, but theres a reason for the term 20/20 hindsight. Time has a great way of putting it all in perspective.

When you look back on the slips and stumbles that led to your breakup, youll probably see that the signs something wasnt working out were all there.

And if youre anything like me, youll probably feel residual guilt.

Dont beat yourself up. There were reasons why it wasnt working out. Have confidencethat the break was necessary. It really wasnt supposed to be so much work.

Here are the things that showed me it was time to end my relationship:

1. I Was Always Stressed

Like the old saying about a frog in a pot of boiling water,the anxiety crept up so slowly on me that I got used to it over time.

It wasnt until the relationship was over and my heartbreak had healed that the knot in my stomach loosened and the tension in my shoulders uncoiled.

Most likely, the stress came from a combination of issuesthat werent completely about the relationship. In fact, it was probably pretty likely that a lot of stress from my life of my relationship contributed to stress it.

Money was the main one. I wasnt making enough, and he was makingless. Two of my past boyfriendshave been crushed by student debt,whichlimited their imagination for a future.

It was also difficultto scrounge up the savings to do something fun together. Because of that lack of imagination, they werealso probably more likely to spend extra dough on beer.

Money wasnt the only thing hurting those relationships, and I definitely dont believe I should have ended itbecause we didnt have money or my partnerwas in debt.

When it comes to health, though, Im a firmbeliever ineverybody doing whatis best for themselves.

2. We Were No Longer Emotionally Or Physically Intimate

I am anfan of feelings, as thecrybaby tattoo on my thigh would tell you. If I had to describe what kind of man I go for, I would probably use the word weeping in my description.

It surprised even me then, when I broke up with my first boyfriend because a TV show made him sob.

Again, as with all breakups, this wasnt theonlyreason I needed to end things. The truth was, we had been growing apart for quite some time. The distance between us was not only emotional, but physical as well.

Sex definitely shouldnt be the only thing keeping a relationship together. However, physical intimacy is like the lubricant that I think most relationships need. Sex makes arguments seem less significant, and it can wipe away a bad day at work with some tangible, physical feels.

After more than two years together, though, early infatuation had worn off, and wehad stopped having sex. And pretty soon, that meant that we grew farther apart in other ways, and the distance was impossible to close.

So when I looked over at my boyfriends tear-streaked face during the final episode of and yelled at him about how the show was justevil war propaganda, and therefore, he shouldnt be sad? I didntthink that it wasnt OK for him to cry.

I was just angry because I used to understand him, and I no longer did.

3. I Lost Touch With My Friends

That first relationship, the one I was just referring to, isolated me in more than one way. It was the first time I had been seriously involved with a person, and as we got together just after I graduated college, it was a period of enormous transition.

During our first few months together, myfriends were also goingoff to other cities to pursue their dreams. I missed them, of course, but I didnt have the strong urge to meet new people the way I would if I was single. I thought that my boyfriend could meet all of those needs.

I was wrong, though, as I would come to learn.Partners cannot be everything to one another, and its important tohave robustfriendships outside of them. Otherwise, youre placing a lot of burden on the relationship. Under all of that pressure, it was no wonder that things started to crumble.

I could have made new friends, of course, but my boyfriend was reluctant for me to spend time with other people.He was clingier than I was,and I didnt want to hurt him. So I allowed it, even though I knew it was making me unhappy.

If I had listened to myself then, I wouldnt have madeof us so miserable at the end.

4. He Wouldnt Give Me Space

Now that Ive been through a few rough breakups, I think I know that, in a securerelationship, a couple can give one another what each personneeds tofeelwhole in themselves, without relying on the other person.

Of course, I haventbeen in a relationship thats like that yet, but thats what I hear.

When my first relationship was on the rocks, I tried to take a few steps back to breathe and figure out what I really wanted.

My boyfriend said he was OK with a break, but still found a way to be near me: getting off his commuter bus right outside of the library where I would be studying, drinking at the bar where I was going with my friend, and even going so far as to guiltme into bringing him home to my parents for Thanksgiving.

If things were going swimmingly, I wouldnt have needed so much spacein the first place. And Im not sure that things would have lasted even if he granted it.

But the fact that he couldnt even grant a bit of freedom to me? Well, that told me everything.

5. He Projected His Failures On Me

Even as I write these words yearslater,I feelguilty. I feelthe immediate need to backpedal and saythat I dont reallymy ex-boyfriend was a failure that he was successful in all other ways than me.

I want to say, Guys, I swear, I dont mean it! He was good at his job! He probably has gotten a raise and makes more than me now! Heck, he even has a 401(k), and I have zero money in savings, so hell be able to retire one day!

See how I do that? See how I make myself smaller?

That instinct runsdeep with me. The bolder truth is that I amgood at things, but more than one boyfriend have found little ways to disempower me and takeme down.

One boyfriend would always tell me that it washard to make money as a writer. That I could write a book, but it was unlikely that it would get picked up by a major publisher, and even then, I wouldnt make enough to live on.

Healsoworked in publishingso hewould know.

Another boyfriend once cried to me thatwanted to be a writer, and didnt understand why I could do it and he couldnt.

Now, Im lucky enough to know that I just dont have time for that. The moment somebody tried to make more room for their ego by minimizing mine, Ineeded to end my relationship.

Your friends will tell youthat you were built to fly. Your partner should, too.

6. I Wanted MoreWhile He Wanted Less

I can look back at every single one of my breakups whether or not I was the person who initiated it and see that, ultimately, it came down to one of us wanting more than the other could give.

I broke up with my first boyfriend when I was 24 years old because I wanted more of. I wanted to grow as a person. I wanted to make new friends.

Yes, I also wanted to experience more lovers, even if it came with more heartbreak.

As for him, hehad been settled for a while. Its been over three years, and he still works in the same office and lives in the same house. I moved and changed jobs at least seven times before getting out of that city altogether.

Thats not to say that either path is good or bad. Its just what happened. If we had gotten married, it wouldnt have been right.

As a matter of fact, Im pretty sure hes getting married to the next girl he met very soon. And Im perfectly fine with it not being me.

My next boyfriend wanted less of an emotional commitment. Hedidnt want to take trips together and hated saying I love you. We were not moving toward anything and, with the exception of number four, all of the above symptoms had set in.

Both of those boyfriendswere completely different, to the extent that I even feel like I was somebody else when I was withthem.

Thinking about it now, that might be the biggest sign that I needed to end my relationship, but I couldnt have known that at the time.

Because first, I had to find myself.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/06/28/the-6-red-flags-about-my-relationship-that-showed-me-i-needed-to-end-it/