#and they were SO BUTTMAD when it did not happen

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

man i really need to like... write up a post about the undercurrents of queerphobia going on with how five is written, mostly aro/homophobia and transphobia. tbh i think i'm going to make separate posts for the two, for a few reasons; one of them is that the transphobia part delves a lot into the reading of the mogadorians' narrative as a metaphor for radfem BS, and that one's gonna take some deep dives into several other characters as well as straight up the series as a whole. it also runs through Major Central Themes for five himself, so there's that.

the aro/homophobia, though... i'm not really sure what to make of the fact that it's there, given that he otherwise doesn't seem like they're trying to portray him as a gay stereotype. and who knows how intentional it is; i get the feeling they didn't exactly sit down and rub their hands together about Time to Write a Malicious Depiction of a Gay/Aro Kid--especially since i doubt they knew what aro even was--but conscious or not i feel like both of those things were a factor in the resulting background radiation. but there are a lot of things, most of them small ones, that start to form a picture when you put them together, and some of them stick out more than others in ways that feel weirdly pointed.

anyway that's going to be interesting to go into, but for starters his backstory involves scaring off a guy harassing him on the street who was about to beat him up after calling him a homophobic slur, so lmao

[silvermoon424]

Idk what's wrong with people. Sorry for rambling on. Sometimes I think some people don't want to admit that they think they're the center of the world so they think everything in the world must cater to them. I am a writer and I once had someone come at me nonstop and say they felt like what I wrote was unrelatable to them because something like that wouldn't happen to them. Like? I'm sorry? Did you think I wrote what I did for you specifically? I don't fucking know you. I put it out there for anyone to read and some people actually did like what i wrote. It literally doesn't cost anything to block something you don't like and it doesn't cost anything not to grass anyone over it either.

The level of “main character syndrome” some people have is honestly insane. Like some people genuinely think the entire world revolves around them and the rest of us are just side characters or whatever.

I’m not trying to single out LGBTQ+ media in particular, but I’ve heard stores from multiple creators of queer media who were criticized harshly for not writing about an “authentic” queer experience…. except the creator is queer themselves, they were drawing from their own experiences, and the critics are just buttmad that their own personal experiences were not included. Because apparently you need to account for every experience under the sun or else it’s not “authentic” and you’re open to being criticized for being a fake gay or someone trying to get clout off the LGBTQ+ community or whatever.

Like I distinctly remember having the true “other people have complex lives, interactions, feelings, etc” revelation when I was like 9 years old (might be late but I’m autistic lol) and it’s obvious some people never did.

[vespertine-legacy]

The alt guild was lagging on conquest points, so I bit the bullet and did a bunch of pvp since unfortunately those are some of the highest point objectives on conquest. It was… less terrible than I expected. My first match was Ancient Hypergate, and my team was almost entirely Juggs and Guardians. Very well-balanced. There was one tryhard who got buttmad about us not being able to hold both pylons every time, but like. My dude. We won the match? Stop crying?

Had a Voidstar match where my team was attacking first and made it all the way through extremely quickly (I had previously never actually gotten all the way to the last room, I’d just been in matches where we ran the timer out), and then held them off at the first set of doors for almost all of their time (until somehow it was just me vs almost their entire team and they killed me and were able to plant the bomb, but we stopped them from getting any further).

Had a decent Novarre Coast match where folks actually communicated and tried to work together. We ended up losing, but people were having fun. There was someone on the other team that we couldn’t actually target or hit with direct damage, and when they were “unbeatable” it showed up in the fly text as an Ally Unbeatable message, so something fucky was definitely happening there.

Had another Voidstar where we got soundly walloped.

Had another Novarre Coast where we got off to a rough start, and then folks kept quitting the match. We’d get a replacement from the queue, and then someone else would leave. Lots of bitching in the chat, lots of trash talking from the other team, overall not a pretty match.

A Huttball (derogatory) match, with a lot of the same folks, lots of shit talking in the chat, general unpleasantness. For a while, I think I was the only one on my team trying to do the objective.

Finished it off with another round of Huttball that actually went super well. I got to be in the end zone (I guess?) and actually make the goals when someone passed the ball to me, just spending most of the match standing there looking pretty and killing anyone from the other team who happened to notice me standing there and remember “oh yeah we’re trying to keep them from scoring.”

[crystalelemental]

New Mystery of the Emblem is complete, and I have many thoughts.

Let’s just start with this: holy shit this was so much more fun than Shadow Dragon.  For three major reasons:

No one is expected to die.  Shadow Dragon bothered me immediately, because I’m required to let someone die in the prologue to escape.  That sucks, and I hated it.  I have never gotten over that, or the expectation to kill more units to access the bonus chapters.  Which, sure, you can argue are optional.  But those characters appear in this game and are recognized, so clearly those happened now didn’t they?!

SUPPORT CONVERSATIONS!  Okay, they’re not like...actual support conversations.  They’re Radiant Dawn style, where you have conversations with allies at your base and only your base.  But there’s a tier of 1-3 for most characters, and they’re essentially support conversations, and god Shadow Dragon was impossible to get in to without those.  Seriously, I may enjoy the gameplay of Fire Emblem overall, but I do not enjoy units for combat performance, I enjoy them for being characters, and thank god they feel like characters this time.

Actually interesting story.  Shadow Dragon was pretty boring, frankly.  Very basic concepts presented, not really a lot going on.  But New Mystery actually expands on a lot of this stuff.  I’ll get into that more below.

Suffice to say, I really enjoyed it more than Shadow Dragon.  I think in terms of ranking, I’d definitely place it above Shadow Dragon, Birthright, Revelation, and Sacred Stones.  Currently I think I’m putting it above Conquest too.  While Conquest is similarly fun to play, New Mystery has the benefit of being more interesting as a story.  I’m hesitant to put it over Echoes, though.  Listen, Echoes sucks as a game.  It’s really not fun to play, almost at all.  New Mystery is fun to play, so this should be obvious.  But while the story is improved, I wouldn’t put it anywhere near the level of Echoes.

See, the main thing with New Mystery is that it filled in gaps that made the world feel more organic than just generic medieval kingdom with magic and dragons and shit.  They delve into what the Fire Emblem here is, about the history of the dragons, and why, say, Tiki’s kept locked away for so long.  Also why Medeus is a villain, and out to eliminate humanity.  Turns out, he was the only Earth Dragon to listen to Naga and convert to a manakete, and even helped guard the seal over the dragons who were slowly losing their minds.  But humans, as soon as they had that advantage, exploited dragons.  Several maps showcase that these deteriorating dragons are being kept in thrall to human tribes who use their power for personal gain.  Exploitation of dragons led Medeus to despise humans, and seek to overthrow them.  Which is pretty cool!  I’m on board with that!  Tiki’s said to also be deteriorating without the seal in place, and that, as a powerful divine dragon, she’s bring ruin to the world if she weren’t contained.  So they basically kept her in stasis to avoid disaster.  Which...okay, Fallen Tiki should’ve just been that.  A feral Tiki that’s no longer all there, instead of just “Gharnef’s power is controlling her.”  Shadow Dragon’s momentarily irritable Tiki wasn’t shit compared to what they implied could happen here.

The trouble is that the game is still pretty basic.  Beyond this bit of worldbuilding, it’s still very much conflict between the kingdoms, again, all ochestrated by Gharnef, who’s working for Medeus.  Again.  They play around more with their themes and set up some cool ideas, but it’s not the most compelling of narratives by any means.  What’s also not helped is that, while support conversations exist to make characters more engaging, it’s not all of them, and not all are done well.  Some supports are just a sort of filling in the gaps.  At least, with the MU they are.  Maybe with other characters they get a bit more.

Speaking of MU, let’s divert a bit to talk about them.  Kris is like...the one MU I have heard universal hate for.  My best guess is that this is due to fans of the original FE3, who didn’t like their inclusion in the first place, because otherwise I have no idea what the problem is.  Kris seems fine.  Really boring, but fine.  The only reason they’re kinda my least favorite is because they’re supposed to be their own character but don’t do anything.  Like, Robin has a personality and is fun, and has a great dynamic with Chrom.  Corrin, for all the faults borne of Fates, feels pretty much like a typical Fire Emblem lord.  Byleth...okay, I don’t like Byleth much, I feel like their inclusion kinda hinders the game’s narrative a little bit, but otherwise they’re pretty blank and exist mostly as a support for the other lords.  But Kris...doesn’t do much of anything.  They don’t really have a dynamic with anyone, including Marth, and are just sort of...generic loyal knight with no knowledge of the world for some reason, and who only ever trained with their now dead grandfather.  Beyond that, they don’t really exude any particular personality.  Which is probably part of the problem with supports; everyone supports with Kris, but they don’t contribute much, so it’s mostly the other character doing stuff at them.  They just don’t have much to do.

With one exception.  We gotta talk about the other, presumably new character: Katarina.  I actually love Katarina.  Which is a shame, I pulled one of her in Heroes once and made her into a manual because I didn’t care.  Oh well.  Anyway, Katarina’s got a pretty solid story behind her, and is one of the more compelling pieces of the plot overall.  She’s part of a band of assassins who were orphans, taken in by Lady Eremiah.  Eremiah is super cut-throat, willing to sacrifice the lives of these children to accomplish her goals, which mostly seem to be serving Gharnef.  While Legion’s boring and lame, Clarine and Katarina are spectacular.  Clarine starts off really obnoxious, and kind of a bitch, but the chapter where she finally falls hit me pretty hard.  Katarina’s supports with Kris also give a bit more context to what had happened, particularly with the talk about how Clarine and Katarina share a birthday, because they never had one but Clarine just decided on a day and that was the end of it.  It’s a really cute dynamic you get to experience kind of in reverse.  You see how bad things have gotten, then get the history of what used to be, and why Katarina couldn’t leave.  Eremiah’s the same.  Gharnef shows up as she’s dying and reminds her of her own history.  The orphanage she worked at was burned to the ground and the children slaughtered in the last war.  In despair, Gharnef appeared and convinced her that if the children were strong, they wouldn’t die so easily, leading her to take in the next wave and train them for strength alone, all the while becoming corrupted by Gharnef’s influence.  That last part aside, pretty compelling.  I do enjoy narratives that play with the idea of kindness being manipulated to a sensible, but corrupted, conclusion.

My main problem is that Gharnef sucks.  He’s not an interesting villain at all.  He just kind of exists, and was largely motivated by getting passed over by his master when it came to who got the cool spells.  He’s a big, stinky baby man whining about not being the favorite, and I could not care less.  Yet he’s supposed to be this grand puppetmaster, of a particularly shitty puppet.  Hardin was an ally in Shadow Dragon, who became an enemy this game.  Why?  Oh, he was mad that Nyna didn’t like him back, and got super buttmad about it.  Which is honestly fair at this point, since they describe it as a depressive episode.  He gets to marry this woman he loves, only to find out she never reciprocated the feeling at all.  Feel like it’s fair to be upset.  But then Gharnef shows up and allegedly corrupts his soul with the Darksphere.  Which...okay, first?  Lame.  Second?  Why do we have that, and why does it do that?  This was a gift from Naga, why the hell is it so dangerous?  Third, super lame!  It takes away all agency Hardin had as a villain and removes it down to “oh, he was possessed.”  Which sucks, because the exact inverse happened for Michalis, and now he’s super cool!

His character arc this game was spectacular!  Showing up to take Minerva away from her captors.  Giving her refuge in the desert and helping her rendezvous with Marth?  There’s something going on, compared to last game where he was just some lame baby man who wanted power.  Minerva says Gharnef lost his hold, and Michalis is like “Oh, no, I would never bend to him.  I killed dad because we disagreed on Macedon fighting to become a major power in the world again, and he tried to have me exiled.  I did it for me, and regret nothing.”  Honestly loved that.  But when asked why he’s helping now, it turns out it’s for their sister.  He talks about how, after he was defeated, he was near death, and the first thing he saw when he came to was Maria kneeling over him, praying to the gods to save him.  He was so touched by her kindness despite his actions, that he’s now solely driven to save her as his final act.  He doesn’t regret his actions, but recognizes that he lost and needs to do something, and god damn if it’s not going to be saving his little sister.  That’s super cool!  I’m so on board with this dude now!  One of the bigger antagonists of Shadow Dragon who offered almost nothing became a big favorite in the game with a single conversation!  I feel like that encapsulates the difference between Shadow Dragon and New Mystery pretty well.

The last thing I’ll mention is gameplay.  I really enjoyed just playing this game, and I think a big component of that is because the maps are pretty short.  And yet.  They’re challenging.  There are a few that just repeatedly required me to restart the chapter, despite being maybe three turns long.  The extra chapter when you first face Legion, and it’s got the two mercenaries to the left and right of your starting position, and you can recruit both but you have to not kill them?  The map was so small they could get to just about anyone, so it was a real challenge to handle the archers with my high movement units, prevent those two from dying against the blockades to the sides, and take out the boss quickly without being swarmed.  Other times, the gimmicks were a little obnoxious.  Like Chapter 18.  You’re trying to take this one castle on the right that’s pretty well defended, but there are these super fast cav archers closing in on you from above.  You basically have one turn to get to the village on the left, so their king calls them off.  It’s a cool chapter, but I had to reset the first time, because I didn’t go into the chapter knowing that.  I put my dancer closer to the fortress, thinking I’d have to just move quickly and take out the boss to get them to back off, so Marth couldn’t reach the goal fast enough.  It’s just small things like that.

Overall, I think it’s pretty solid.  I could see playing this one again some day.  Maybe to intentionally miss one of the spheres so I can see what the bad ending is about.  But on the whole, I like it.  Still not super impressed with the characters in Marth’s game, I still feel like a lot are pretty bland (including Marth himself), but it’s a huge step up from Shadow Dragon.

[renardtrickster]

How was Voltron ruined?

This message is kind of spooking me because I was working on a draft that talked about that, but I’ll still answer it here, prescient anon.

Voltron was ruined because it was the birthing grounds of what would be the modern “Anti Community”. The “Anti-Anti Community” had a hand in it as well, but it was primarily the former. And I know that those are stupid names, but when it’s the widely accepted vernacular. Anytime I say “Anti”, substitute it with “Anti-Shipper” and “Anti-Anti” with “Anti-Anti-Shipper” (shoulda been “Pro-Shipper” but once again, nobody on Tumblr can pick smart names).

Also necessary disclaimer, while I ascribe certain attributes to each side of the Shipping Discourse, I’m not trying to paint with a broad brush. While I had one friend that liked Sheith and another that liked Klance and neither turned out to be terrible, so now I’m speaking in broad terms.

Basically when Voltron was happening, there were two massively popular ships going at it. “Sheith” was Shiro and Keith, “Klance” was Keith and Lance. I don’t know why or when, but they started duking it out, and became the proto-movements I listed above. Keith signaled the Anti Community, and they opposed the Sheith ship. Pro-Klance attempted to denounce the Sheith ship by spinning a narrative that it was like, pedophilia or something because Shiro was older than the other paladins (they only said he was the oldest of the main cast, please note this trend for later). Erstwhile, Pro-Sheith shippers just wanted to watch their cute guys in peace, and opposed the stark buttmad ravers. In essence, Pro-Klance set the grounds for the Anti Movement, and Pro-Sheith set the grounds for the Anti-Anti Movement.

While this may seem like a case of “good but misguided” versus “good”, it was anything but. The Keith side, as I said before, had an agenda and it wasn’t actually protecting kids from pedophilic ships. Anyone with eyes could see that it was primarily “I want my yaoi guys to kiss and not yours” with a coat of lead paint on it. The rest is history and frantic tumblr posts. The infamous FICTION IS REALITY ask where some anti-Sheith dude tried to say that pedophilia in fiction promotes actual real-life pedophilia (and some other stuff but that photo is blurry and I can’t read it), nevermind the fact that Sheith being pedophilia is a completely fabricated statement because all they had to go on was “Sheith’s the oldest” (and implying that Lance was older than Keith which had never been said). The mass waves of Sheith shippers being harassed, sent gore, and in some cases SENT CP which is fucking abhorrent (and hypocritical since their opposers claimed to hate pedophilia, really causes 🤔). The one Klancer who somehow got leaks of the show and threatened to release them if Klance wasn’t made canon (an incident wherein nobody put on airs of fighting justice anymore). And the supplementary book came out, confirming Shiro at 25, Keith at 18, Lance at 17, meaning Klance was the underage ship all along, cue everyone screaming NOT CANON and looking for contradictions, even though Klancers would not have listened to any proof had Keith and Lance’s ages been swapped. I also heard something about Klance SS Uniform fanart on twitter but I blacked out when someone told me that because I can only handle so much.

Keep in mind that Sheith wasn’t just squeaky ducks either. I remember that one posts where a Sheith shipper made a Down With Cis Bus-tier story about some kid yelling at them in a Wal-Mart for shipping Sheith. And while I can’t recall any specific examples, I know there must have been some examples of the “ship and let live” side actively trying to oppose Keith (thus the serpent bites its tail and Anti-Anti becomes Anti). But this was a minourity of the Sheith side, Klance was definitely pulling its weight when it came to being horrible.

And this was the VOCAL MINOURITY, but it was vocal enough to be the only thing I ever heard about Voltron. Between the vitriolic shipping wars and the actual show having its own issues (it took way too long for them to actually form Voltron), the show’s reputation was ruined and all anybody will remember is the protoplasmical shipping wars and how they grew into the modern Anti and Anti-Communities.

And now the people who rode the Klance bus and hated the Voltron writers are both following and working on She-Ra. It’s going to crash and burn like Voltron did, and while I don’t want to watch it because it looks like shit, I’m going to learn about it against my will.

AND TO THINK, all of this could have been avoided if everyone had Sheith as a Matespritship and Klance as a Kismesissitude. But they didn’t because ultimately this was a coward’s game. Also sorry to drag on, but I wanted to fully illustrate what TF happened outside of just saying “shipping wars” because that wouldn’t be satisfying enough and also I Want People To Learn.

[dzamie-oc]

9: Broken

“Alright guys, I’ve just scouted ahead under Stealth (Active). The dragon’s two rooms ahead, so we should be able to rest up and recover here.” The leather-clad man leaned back against a nearby wall, propping his foot against it; as his skill’s Passive kicked in, he faded into a nearby shadow, still visible but harder to see. “You all remember the plan, right?”

“Healing Zone! Yeah, yeah, Stabs, we’ve all got the guide. I won’t have my mana back in full for another five minutes, though, so something tells me you’re gonna insist we go over it anyway.” The pointy-hatted, unrealistically-busty woman left her crooked staff standing on end, emitting green, healing energy to the rest of the party in the room. She took a step back and drew her legs up, sitting criss-crossed in mid-air, floating up and down a few inches at a time. With her eyes closed, the mage was soon surrounded by the rising blue rings of her Meditation skill. “Stabs sneaks in and around the derg’s aggro range, Vinny takes a step forward to pull it, and I throw a Fireball at the big rock thing over its head. That’ll put it into a stagger, cut its attack, cut its defense, cut its health, all sorts of lovely things. Stabs jumps out for backstab city, and the rest of us throw as much DPS as we can at it. Easy-peasy.”

Stabs rolled his barely-visible eyes and shook his head before speaking up from behind his mask, “yep, that’s pretty much your end of the fight. Vinny, Weeb, you two remember its attack patterns? If we can avoid Sultra having to rez any of our asses, this goes over all the easier. Behind the dragon, I’ll have to watch out for its Tail Sweep, keeping a Dodge Roll off cooldown for that, and its Rear Crush attack should be easy enough to see coming.” He pointed at his heavily-armored companion clad in more metal than the average bomb shelter, then at the fourth member of their group, a swordswoman dressed in a high-cut, light purple kimono and dark purple thigh-highs and keeping a fighting-ready stance with her long, curved blade in front of her. “And this one goes for you two as well: its Seismic Wave activates in expanding waves, so back off and come in after the rocks start to disappear. It’ll start to kick in automatically once it’s down to thirty percent health, so eyes open for the red rings around then. Oh, and Sultra, you’ll be out of range for that one, but with the falling rock, it’ll hit half health pretty quick, and that’s when Icicle Rain starts. It’s a slow attack, but it’s constant and can hit anywhere in the room, so-”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Don’t get hit by the freezy bois, they’re just there because you martial suckers got buttmad cuz I could otherwise mash my big spells and not have to even look at the fight!” Her calm, relaxed pose was at odds with the smug, taunting tone of her voice. “Don’t worry, you lot. You’ll all go down way before I even take a hit. Look, this dragon’s a piece of cake when you’ve got Sultra the Enchantress on your side!”

Weeb sheathed her katana, bowed, and drew it again, returning to that same active stance. “Hai, Sultra-chan, we’ll beat this ryuu-kaiju faster than Tsukino Usagi late for school, and th-the... and then...” she stuttered as she shuffled towards the Meditating mage, her sword inches from the magic-user’s face, “and then we’ll be the most sugoi yuri couple around!”

The floating mage’s staff returned to her hand, and she put her legs down, opening her eyes and standing back up, then turning her body to face the other woman; her breasts continued bouncing for a couple seconds after she had stopped moving. “Weeb, I’m a guy. You seem to forget a lot, mostly cuz of these wonderful funbags on my chest, but us together isn’t you-ree.” She brought her free hand to her mouth and laughed a haughty laugh, the motion of which did absolutely nothing for her bouncing boobs. “In fact, it would be the opposite entirely! Now, to get out of this shitty conversation, I’m all topped up. C’mon you meat sponges, let’s get us some loot!”

When Stabs moved, he faded back into focus, no longer a half-visible shadow. The four filed out of the room: Stabs, followed by Vinny, then Weeb and finally Sultra. When they neared the door to the dragon’s lair, Stabs drew two knives, dropped into a low stance, and vanished entirely from view. Vinny pulled out a massive tower shield almost as big as he was, as well as a similarly-large, gleaming broadsword. Weeb simply moved forward in her battle-ready pose, brandishing her long, curved blade at whatever she happened to be looking at at the time. Sultra held her crooked staff upright, rather than down at her side, and all four entered the final room, staying as close to the door as possible until absolutely necessary. What they saw, though, threw them for a loop, and Stabs even turned off Stealth (Active).

The dragon at the opposite end of the room wasn’t snarling as it jealously guarded a veritable mountain of glittering gold, trinkets, and baubles. It wasn’t lashing its tail as it waited for some unprepared bastard to step more than a few feet into its lair. In fact, it wasn’t even standing, toned leg muscles tensed to spring forward at its human prey. Instead, it laid on its belly, resting its head atop its scaly paws and gazing at the party dispassionately. Its wings drooped to the ground, and while its tail moved, it was only small, lethargic taps against the stone floor. “Oh, hello there,” it called to them in an emotionless voice, “are you here for the treasure, or for one of my ribs? I need to know if I should drag myself under that big rock up there.”

“Uh, this isn’t... that’s not what’s supposed to happen.”

“Hm?”

“N-nani?!”

“Lol, dragon’s bugged. Well, gee gee easy, go grab the jewel!”

Stabs smirked at the mage. “What, why not get it yourself? You’ve got a thing for getting first dibs on loot, right?”

Sultra crossed her arms, squishing up her bountiful breasts that probably only stayed in her robe by magic, and harrumphed. “As far as we know, it could go into attack mode once we’re in aggro range! And you need me to stay alive if you want to stay alive!”

The kimono-clad swordswoman nodded. “Sultra-chan is right! What if this is part of dragon-san’s keikaku?” She giggled, then stage whispered to the others, “translator’s note: keikaku means plan!”

The dragon spoke up again. “Send the armored one. He’s got a big enough sword, it should be able to Coup de Grace me alone.”

The party looked at each other, surprise growing into a slight sense of concern. They pushed Vinny forward, and he slowly walked a clanking gait up to the dragon, who did not move. When he was face-to-snout with the dragon, the two of them stared at each other for a minute. Finally, when one of them broke the silence, it was the dragon again. “Well? Let’s get this over with. People don’t challenge this place unless they can win handily, so why should I bother with theatrics?”

Vinny switched his sword to reverse grip, brought his closed hands up by his chest, put his thumbs together, and pushed his hands outward a few times, nodding for emphasis. The dragon was silent for a few seconds, then sighed. “Look, you think you’re the first ones to ever make it this far? Adventurers run this place all the time; there’s a ruby back there worth fifty gold twenty-seven silver by itself.” The great, scaly beast lifted its head to look back behind itself at the massive trove of valuables; when it swiveled back around and laid its head down once more, the armored human took a few, courteous steps back. “Sure, I put up a good fight the first couple hundred times or so, but... well... my victory rate dropped to around literally zero, and the whole process... look, have any of you ever died?”

The rest of the party, who had been slowly creeping forward, shook their heads. “No, death is rather permanent for us. Not the case for you?” Stabs stood next to Vinny, performing an exaggerated shrug to highlight his confusion.

“Ah. Well, I wouldn’t recommend it if you can avoid it. The sensation of your soul departing your body...” it shuddered, wings shuffling along the ground. “It’s utter misery, and you never get used to it. It’s permanent for you? Heh, enviable.”

Sword still out, Weeb shuffled towards the dragon’s side; if he cared about the live steel next to his scales, he didn’t show it. “Momentai, dragon-san. Do the other adventurers ever just go for the gold?”

The dragon shook its head, then cast its eyes around the group. Weeb was by its foreleg, still in that battle stance, while the others stayed a few meters in front of it, Stabs by Vinny’s side and Sultra behind the big, armored tank. “Just about never, aside from the four-Rogues groups who just Stealth behind me. I’m a big chunk of experience, I suppose, just-”

Several things happened at once, all courtesy of the dragon. Its forepaw grabbed the swordswoman, making her Pinned under its scaly digits. It cast Seismic Wave, forcing the other three to step back away from the imminent rock spikes. And it blew a fireball at the very same rock designed to injure it when it moved too far forward. The rock fell, as designed; but instead of falling on the dragon, it fell on the trio instead, crushing them instantly. Batting Weeb between its paws soon sent her sword out of her grip, leaving her Disarmed as well. With renewed life and a smug smirk, the dragon picked her up, dangling her by the leg over his head.

“Th-that wasn’t very sugoi of you, you baka dragon!” she shouted, waving her fists at the large reptile, “and all those attacks at once? How were we supposed to defend against them?!”

“Oh, I know,” the dragon said with a grin, “the mechanic is quite broken, don’t you think?” And with that, he dropped her into his awaiting jaws.

[mrmallardsmobileposts]

Fans & Shipping

I did a fandom post a while back that was mostly defensive of fandom and fans, while acknowledging that super-fans and stans can and do take their fandom way too goddamn far and alienate people.

But I've been a part of fandom, and with a fanfiction I'm publishing rn with a lot of ship tease in it, I'm worried that I'm going to be judged with the full fury of an active fanbase. And that's made me think about my values and my stance on fandom. Because as much as I can distance myself from fan culture due to the negativity I've experienced, I regularly engage with it. I am, for all intents and purposes, a fan. And a big part of my fandom experience has been with shipping.

So - shipping.

I understand why shipping is such a hotly contested aspect of fandom - to ship is to express a piece of yourself through a pair of characters. It's taking a piece of yourself and putting it into a character, then acting out something that means a lot to you. This can get ugly when you see this token of your self-expression being used in a way that you find jarring. I don't dislike this practice, or this reason for shipping - ultimately we're all trying to express ourselves and achieve that creative catharsis through our craft of choice. I also understand (at least one reason) why people get so defensive about ships. I get it, it happens.

With that being said, the lengths that some people go to in the name of protecting these feelings from harm? It's fucked up. Yeah, this ship may be precious to you for any number of reasons - going into a blind rage because someone doesn't share your vision of it still isn't acceptable, no matter how ingrained it is to your personality or your soul. People troll and gloat and act shitty, and that's worth a bit of backlash. But being so hurt over the thought of Person A piping Person C when you want them to pipe Person B, to the point of lashing out in anger - it's not healthy. There is a limit at which you need to step back and ask yourself if the emotions you feel are what you signed up for. There's a point where you need to wake up, shake out the cobwebs, and take a step back.

My big shipping fandom used to be Avatar: The Last Airbender. From 12 to 15, Avatar was my shit - I was around before the show ended, it was a big part of my childhood. I got caught up in shipping wars, I shipped Kataang and the "big enemy" was Zutara, and I was basically inducted into this shitty little community of shit where these two groups of shippers couldn't co-exist. But even when I was farting around this group, I was flexible in my shipping preferences.

I liked Kataang, but you know what else fucking rocked? Taang - Toph and Aang. There's one high school AU story with OCs and stuff that I ever read and enjoyed, and it was a Taang story. Another good one was Tokka - Toph and Sokka. Reminder, I was like 12 or 13 and I wasn't thinking about this like "wow theres an age gap", I was thinking about it like "I am 12 years old, and this is ~^~ROMANCE~^~". I preferred Tokka over Sukka, since I didn't watch a lot of season 2 or 3 for years. Yes, these are real ship names.

The point I'm trying to make is that even at my worst fandom periods, when I was indoctrinated with all this shipping war horseshit, I was never outright tied to a ship. I appreciated the different approaches that each ship took, I enjoyed the difference in dynamics. Yeah, Kataang was the endgame couple for me - they're sweet and they love each other and they can build a solid relationship built out if respect and love for each other. But Taang has reckless abandon being tempered by serenity, and unwavering dutifulness in turn being challenged by a selfish streak a mile wide.

It's fun to see characters affect each other like that. And Toph and Sokka were Snark Bros! Of course they'd grow up into endlessly snarking shitheads who can't fuckin spit it out already! Shipping was a way to explore and enjoy multiple facets of my personality, my tastes. It was fun.

How can you take an emotion like that - something that's meant to be sweet and good, something that's meant to make you feel good - and use it to scream at children who are half your age for not sharing your vision?

No joke - when I looked up Avatar fandom on Tumblr in 2013, there were 20 year olds stuck in the same shipping mentality that persisted when I was a kid, getting buttmad at 14 year olds for asking about the schism, for bringing fan negativity into the tag. Adults yelling at kids and treating them like shit.

When does a ship take over your life to the point that you're an actual grown-ass adult yelling at kids for not understanding it like you do? How do you become that selfish How do you stray from a path that used to make you so happy, and use it to harass and accost others?

Shipping is nice. I support shipping, I enjoy shipping. But I loathe people who take romantic pairings of fictional characters and use it to tie themselves in knots and torture themselves with grief when they're exposed to a thought they don't like. You can't keep living like that, and treating the people around you with contempt over it.

Keep in mind - I understand that ships can have problematic elements that personally repulse you or evoke personal memories that are incredibly unpleasant for you. I'm not talking about these ships, and telling you to get over the severe emotional hurdles that make the ships such a bad experience for you. Incest, underage, ships that are based on incredibly rapey undertones/overtones - all three, or any other distasteful combination of factors.

This post isn't intended to troll or shame people for hating a story about someone having sex with their siblings, for example. This is a callout post for people who see one ship, being shipped in good faith out of affection for the characters and their pairing, and have a nuclear fucking meltdown because "HOW DARE THEY WRITE HER AS DATING HIM, WHEN SHE BELONGS WITH THIS BOY INSTEAD!!!!!" Insert whichever pronouns or character names you like here, I'm speaking generally.

Also - I'm well aware that people have preferences! People find different things to love about their ships, and they can be as strict and adherent to their favorite ships as they like. Only shipping a single couple doesn't make you an asshole. It's when you see anything that dares to deviate from your one beloved path, to the point that you're feeling an urge to thrash someone over it. It's being a massive fucking douche-fuck to make people ashamed of an innocent crush they have on fictional characters, to make them afraid to express a genuine affection for what they're engaging in, because it opposes this one true path you keep bullshitting about.

In summary: fuck shipping wars, chill the fuck out. This pastime is meant to evoke positive feelings, not make you feel like vomiting. If you feel that bent out of shape over some genuine, innocent bullshit that does not, and will never, affect you outside of a small bubble of influence that you can step away from and moderate to your heart's content - step back, find something that's more emotionally enriching in your life and/or find a way to engage with your fandom on a healthy level. Getting this fucked up over shipping hurts everyone around you - but it also hurts you on a more meaningful level than you may realise.

[ladybuvelle]

I find it odd that you often have posts about feeling excluded in the community, given your generally high activity levels and the great level of respect and personal adoration I hold for you. Of course, from outside, one never gets the full tory. I think you're a driven individual who is at times too harsh on herself but who also deserves a better situation than the one you have. You're a skilled artist and immensely dedicated.

// First of all: thank you for the kind words.

But more pressingly onto the subject of exclusion… it’s hard to talk about without giving specific examples, but when I look back on it it’s been a role playing career problem for me for years. I’m talking over a decade of role playing on various platforms and in very differing fandoms and “cultures”, but the same problems exist everywhere.

I’ve been hurt before. I’m an old hand when it comes to role play, and I feel like I’ve basically seen the medium from enough sides to know how the tropes and patterns go by now. But I’ve been hurt. Over time I’ve become more guarded, more selective about who I give my time and emotions. Because there are few things that hurt me more than giving someone my all only to have them abandon me in the end. It’s happened too many times. And admittedly, many times I could have prevented it if I’d just been smarter about the company I kept. But abusive relationships wouldn’t be what they are if everyone was so logical. I’ve stuck with people I had no business sticking with because I felt like I had nothing else.

Coming to Tumblr saved my life, literally and figuratively. I’ve said it many times and I’ll keep saying it because it continues to be true even today. But I’m not stupid or blind to what goes on here. Coming here showed me new ways people could hurt me or reject me; for example, I play Sona as straight. I’ve had people who couldn’t quite grasp that idea. Or I’ve had guys who were WAY too pushy about shipping with my muse, or getting really creepy and uncomfortable in the way they’d treat me.

I’ve been told by some dude who I thought was my friend, after a sudden and long-winded life story I didn’t ask for, that my feelings didn’t matter because he had a mental illness. And then when I immediately broke contact with him he was so buttmad about it he put in his blog rules that he didn’t want to hear about me or my blog, but that if people wanted to know about it he’d tell them. I had people over a year later coming to me asking what the hell was up because he was still talking about me. I’d never called him out. I’d never really gossiped or slandered him before then. And I won’t say who he was because what’s done is done and I really don’t even care anymore about it - it’s just one example of how easy it is to get a bad reputation here.

People meet me, decide how they feel about me, and then tell their friends, and their friends form opinions about me based on second-hand brief encounters. I actually had someone fairly recently say how “uncomfortable” I made them despite never having spoken to me personally before - all based on a few loose facts. I did get to speak to them, but I was left utterly baffled by the whole experience.

I’ve had someone block me all because they thought I called them selfish, when in reality I was just trying to tell them to try and look at things from another perspective and be proud of the work they do. I was asked to leave an art group for it. One person “””joked””” they wanted to “fight me”. I hadn’t cringed that hard in ages.

I’ve had people tell me I embarrassed them by casually correcting them on lore things, or being “too knowledgeable” about their chosen muse, or because I’m not pandering to their spells of self-hate and angst. I’ve been told I “don’t get it”, or that I’m “weird” for the way I run certain things or my mentality on certain things. There are people I really think I could have been friends with who spoke to me maybe once and have since given me the cold shoulder - and I have no idea why, or how, or what to even do about it. So I don’t do anything about it.

A lot of it? I don’t care. If I were to sit around and cry about every person I’ve somehow hurt or who hurt my feelings, I’d be a shriveled corpse by now. I have more important things to worry about than petty drama or how ___ feels about me or if ___ is talking behind my back. I keep a very, very small personal friend group. And when I say “small” I mean literally like 2-3 people that I talk to with any kind of regularity. If that.

Every attempt to make a new friend is seasoned with anxiety these days. How do they know me? Are they friends with ___? Are they going to have some kind of expectation? Do they even have an interest in my muse? Am I even going to like them?

So yes. To a certain extent I do feel excluded sometimes. I don’t ever want to make a big deal out of things here because that’s stupid and drama is stupid. I’ve never really and extensively talked about the things listed above on the blog because, frankly, it’s all my own personal business that no one else should be involved in. I’m not here to do call-out posts or tell you not to follow XYZisms or whatever the fuck because they hurt my feelings. If anything, when I do talk to someone about a lot of these encounters, I always point out that “I’m not going to tell you not to follow them, because they’re still very talented/probably just aren’t friend-compatible with me/etc.” Unless I feel someone is a real danger to others, I’m never going to tell people “stay away!”. That’s a shitty thing to do.

It does, however, mean awkwardly excusing myself from certain chat groups, or game sessions, or whatever have you - because I’m not going to be that person who stays where she isn’t wanted. I have a lot of personal integrity. If people see me for who I am and appreciate it, then I appreciate it too. If you’re just going to judge me based on something your friend told you, or because I maybe made a post or image that made you uncomfortable for some reason? That’s your right.

It doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, though. I’m not a rock. I just want to be here and have fun… I hate walking on eggshells for people.

I could also get into the whole issue of “depression culture” here on Tumblr, where it’s practically fashionable to be self-hating and sad, but it’s too broad a subject to comment on and I fully understand that some people are actually, legitimately depressed and suffering and have no outlet. I suffer a lot, too. I’m doing the best I can with it every day. And just because I can handle certain things doesn’t mean other people can just as easily.

I’ve been berated for being strong in the face of my problems. I’ve been told I make people feel bad for being happy. How fucked is that? And god forbid I don’t pander to people who just want attention all the time. Or god forbid I actually try to reach out and help. But I guess I’m too old to understand the emotional young adult lifestyle. I’m 31. I’m far away from all that bullshit now, and even though I’m full of life advice and general perspective, it doesn’t matter because some people just wanna be angry or sad.

I’m not making fun. Sometimes that’s just how it is… you have to fall on your own and learn how to get up on your own.

I didn’t mean to go into this long-winded vent/rant, but I felt the need to explain these feelings that I know I must have been very vague about (on purpose). Communities are weird things. People don’t realize that with popularity comes a level of influence over others. Or they don’t realize that I can fucking see your racism, or whatever hateful shit you post.

Be kinder to each other. I’ll be fine in the long run, because I always am. But learn something, guys. Be more aware of the things you say and do and post.

[vespertine-legacy]

I got massively overbooked for swtor shenanigans this weekend somehow. On Saturday, my raid team did role-swap EC HM (I got to dps, and learned that if there’s a dwt on Firebrand, they actually have a Job other than Stand There And Hit It, and got to taunt Firebrand every time that Stormcaller did Double Destruction so that I took the armor incinerate instead of the tank taking it, which was fun). We had a slightly rough time on the minefield with some missed interrupts, but otherwise did okay. And then we ended up running out of time before getting to Kephess.

But that meant we had a lockout for HM Kephess for Panty Raid right after! And everyone was down for giving it a shot! So @astrifer-bound got to give tanking HM Kephess a go. Unfortunately, their co-tank kept saying one thing and then doing the exact opposite, in terms of which of them was going to take something first or whatever. Frenzy and Anh kept also not fully explaining mechanics until after someone had died to a mechanic they weren’t aware of, because they hadn’t done the fight in HM (or had only done it on another role). So it ended up being a bit of a clusterfuck.

Then, I had agreed to heal EC NiM for Vi. They had a lockout for tanks, so no Toth and Zorn. They just wanted to work on the tanks strat with two Sin tanks (and apparently for that fight Jugg and PT are better? So idk what the idea was other than that Vi likes Sin tank more). Thought other healer and I were gonna have to /roll for who was gonna stand out to kite the lightning between the tanks, but the other healer agreed to do it. Then, on three pulls, the other healer’s cleanse didn’t work, so they couldn’t cleanse off the targeted missile and died while they were kiting, so while I was getting them back up, the spikes and targeted missile went on me (on the tank, because I didn’t get down fast enough), so I probably should have been kiting since I have two cleanses on an operative. We did not end up clearing the tanks, but we did get Firebrand down to about 15%? (NiM strat is to kill Firebrand first, with ranged standing on Stormcaller to take Double Destruction, then kill Stormcaller, and I’ve been in groups that did that strat in HM).

On Sunday, I joined a group for Iokath pvp kills (general pvp and traitor kills, and a couple people in the group were buttmad that we weren’t doing Walker/God Console kills, but that’s a little harder to organize), which ended right when motu had a Dread Fortress run to complete the weekly Priority Objective for some folks. Right when I joined voice, someone said something about hating Brontes, so I was like “cool, I gotta be somewhere else lol.” Loaded into Oricon to see the group doing Scare Bear kills and got really sad that I was missing that. Skank off-tanked DF and came out of the Fortress in time to get ganked on the bridge by the Scare Bear group (but then was invited to join them).

Unfortunately, the group was done with pubside kills and was just finishing up impside kills, so I didn’t actually get any kills toward my count, but I helped them finish up their count, and then joined for base guards. Eleison and Kestrel both pulled more threat than they needed to while killing base guards, but luckily I’m getting better at using dcds and actually dumping my threat so I don’t get obliterated, and luckily it was only 30 guard kills per side.

I’m sad I missed out on the Scare Bear kills, but at least I got Iokath and the base guards out of the way. Was funny to see the Endgame drama over the fact that people get these pvp cheevs this way, with someone crying over folks advertising the group for those kills, saying that noobs getting their kills this way cheapens the achievements for folks who actually got their kills back in the day on the pvp servers. Buddy, nobody actually plays in the pvp instances anymore. There’s like 4 people max unless you have one of these events, and we could do actual pvp for one of these events, but not everyone wants to set aside 6 hours for it (they specifically mentioned the 6-hour pvp battle that happened recently on Tatooine; good for y’all, but I’m not about that life). Folks have got NiM cheevs they got carried for, timed run cheevs they only have because of glitches, I mean features, sorry… just let people play the game. If it really “cheapens” your experience that someone else got the same achievement you did via a workaround? That’s more on you than on them.

[crystalelemental]

FE Fates Replay - part 9

We have finally completed the Conquest route.

From Chapter 22 to the end of the game, it’s a pretty straight-shot.  Your goal is solely to storm Hoshido and take control.  Chapter 22 is against Sakura.  It’s not a particularly challenging map.  The only annoyance is their long-range shuriken ballista, which...boy are those obnoxious.  When you complete the map, Sakura, her retainers, and Yukimura are taken captive, only for Hans, Iago, and Garon to show up and do what they do best: get in the way and insist on killing everyone.  So thanks for that I guess.

Okay, this is going to be recurring, so let’s just get it out the way now: why do the villains here insist on such intense pretense?  Like, we know you’re evil.  Everyone knows.  And you know that we’re trying to spare our enemies.  Like, blatantly trying.  We don’t even hide it.  Except the one time we did and somehow that’s the one we got called out on.  Okay, sure.  Like, what infuriates me the most about Garon, Iago, and Hans isn’t that they’re massacring people and interfering at obnoxious times.  There is the making of good drama there.  It’s that not once does Corrin ever properly play along, and despite that, not once do they ever actually suffer a consequence.  This is the biggest problem with the Conquest route.  Had Corrin adapted better and behaved more like the other siblings, able to turn a blind eye or act cold and disant properly when needed, or had Garon actually ever done anything to punish Corrin’s empathy, maybe these scenes would’ve felt heavy.  Instead, we’re left feeling like every instance of this is a waste of time.  Time and time again, Corrin will act shocked at atrocities her father commands.  Time and time again, Garon will get buttmad about it and Iago will shout some nonsense about being a traitor or whatever the fuck.  Time and time again, no actual consequences will occur.  So why bother?  Why bother having what is effectively the same exact scene played out 10 different times?  We get it, they’re evil, but so ineffectually evil that they’re not going to do anything to Corrin or the main protagonists.  We’ll just make a show of cruelty to the enemy in war, and they’ll say a lot of stuff about being merciless toward their own as well, but it’s never shown or felt.  So just cut the bullshit and either remove these unnecessary scenes, or nut up and show an actual consequence for Corrin.

Chapter 23 is Takumi.  After the last chapter, we’re supposed to feel like we’re backed into a corner and have to kill him, but really, this is the one time I’m on board.  I’ll kill him.  I’ll kill the fuck out of him.  Corrin specifically did, too.  See, it turns out that you can pair Camilla and Corrin up, and have Azura dance Camilla so she can fly to where the archer sniper is.  Corrin in Dragon form takes basically no damage, especially with Camilla’s defense being added in.  Corrin basically took the wall solo while the others handled the nonsense outside.  Must’ve gained like 7 levels this chapter.  Enough that I actually took off her main skill.  The story is mostly to set up Takumi’s continuing temper tantrum, as, despite Corrin making every effort to get him captured and taken away from Garon before he can command an execution, Takumi just keeps shouting about Corrin’s “betrayal” and jumps off the bridge.  No, this does not kill him.  I’m crying also.

Chapter 24 is Hinoka’s turn, and man, this one’s alright.  The map itself is a bit weird, and those Dragon Veins are dangerous.  Normally I’d try to just let Camilla blast through, but they had a lot of flying archers who then got crazy range, so none of that.  Instead, this is another map you have to use your own dragon veins to slow down fliers.  In actuality, all this does is negate the problem Hinoka continuously repeats.  She speeds up fliers and slows down everyone else, but your dragon veins reverse the effect, making everything neutral.  It’s not a bad gimmick.  The story is also, for once, not so bad.  Instead of the usual Garon interruption, you actually get Hinoka to flee, and take her lance as proof of her death.  An attempt at subterfuge was made.  I can respect that.

Oh wait, then Chapter 25 happens, and Iago is immediately like “If she’s dead, why didn’t you bring her head?  The lance doesn’t prove the body’s not moving.”  Which is super accurate, and it’s annoying as shit that the one time Corrin actually tried things, she’s called out on it.  Not that it matters, because Garon hasn’t a single care in the world about it.  Honestly, just...why do we have these scenes?

You then encounter Ryoma, who upon seeing the lance, proves that he’s not as smart as Iago, which was already a really low bar to be setting, and flies into a rage over Corrin killing his sister.  Not too much of a rage, though.  Otherwise, how would you clear the rest of the map?  See, he will actually just sit there, doing nothing, for 25 fucking turns.  And for context, I had cleared the rest of the map in about 14.  Oh, if you open the gates and the others can move?  He still won’t act.  You active the Dragon Vein that turns the high defense and recovery tiles your both on to avoid penalty tiles?  Still won’t move.  Attack him directly?  Still won’t retaliate, until those 25 turns are done.  This was the saddest excuse of a boss fight, and the worst part is, it didn’t have to be.  The defense tiles give so much added defense that both he and Corrin would take single-digit damage, which would be healed automatically by the floor.  Truth be told?  Just have him attack immediately.  Neither side would die, guaranteed.  The only thing that would encourage you to get your ass moving, is the fact that Ryoma has a crit rate and can attack from two spaces.  If he gets that lucky crit, Corrin isn’t going to die outright, but you’re in danger and can’t dawdle.  That would’ve made the map much more tense.  But instead, it’s like a leisurely walk through the halls of Hoshido while Ryoma hangs out picking his nose.  Furiously picking his nose, mind you.  Because of how mad he is that his sister’s dead.  Even though she’s not.

After you win, Corrin is able to tell Ryoma that she didn’t actually kill Hinoka, fuckwit.  Garon then shows up and insists on having Corrin kill Ryoma directly in front of him, so there’s no way to avoid it.  Ryoma then takes it upon himself.  He kills himself right there, and with his dying words leaves things to Corrin.  Now, again...you’d think Garon or Iago would be like “hey, the fuck’s that about?”  But they don’t.  Iago tries to be annoying by pointing out Corrin didn’t do it herself, and Garon’s like “Eh, whatever.” and fucks off.  So if you didn’t care, why didn’t you just do it when you showed up and move on?  Also, Ryoma, buddy, if your plan was to spare Corrin from the evil king she’s stuck working under, maybe you could’ve sold the performance a bit better?  I dunno, shout something about how you’d rather die with honor than die at the hands of your enemies, or something like that?  No, gonna go the route of outing her intentions to undermine the king before going out?  Okay, cool.

Chapter 26 is catharsis that should’ve taken place ages ago.  Finally, FINALLY, Iago and Hans are on their own, and the royal siblings have had enough of their shit.  So you finally get to kill them.  The map itself annoys me.  It’s a lot of really tough enemies behind closed doors that you have to break down.  My problem is...you cannot bait them.  Even if they have range, they won’t attack unless the door is opened.  This is especially dangerous with the mage room on the right.  They deal crazy damage.  Also, Iago is a pain in the ass.  He can use staves without it consuming their uses, and has Enfeeble, Freeze, and Silence.  And when you do get to him, he has a tome with an insane crit rate, so only a handful of units can engage safely.  Fuck you, buddy. By god, fuck you.

This leads to the finale.  Finally, after all this time, Corrin is able to tell the others that Garon isn’t their dad, he’s not even human.  He’s some weird goo monster.  Everyone’s all surprised and doesn’t entirely believe, but are willing to hear Corrin out.  Now...here’s what I have against this.  It plays in to the stupidest parts of the plot, which are mostly revealed in Revelations, where we learn about the kingdom of Valla in more depth.  Basically, if anyone speaks of the hidden kingdom or anything about it, they are transported there immediately and become completely subservient to the dragon god.  Which is already contrived as hell.  And the reason they couldn’t tell anyone about Garon was simply that they’d vanish too.  So instead, their brilliant plan was to invade and conquer Hoshido, and have Garon sit on the throne that displays someone’s core essence.  This would prove he was a good monster, and then they could take him out and restore peace.

Except...you could’ve just taken everyone into Valla.  Azura goes there regularly.  Hell, we followed her there in Chapter 15.  So the others can go, see it for themselves without you having to say a goddamn word, and then return going “Oh shit, our dad’s a goo monster, we should probably fix that.”  Then, actually go the route they hinted at in Chapter 23: have a civil war break out.  Xander leads the charge against a corrupt king, and the soldiers either back him and his way of peace, or stick with the king who wants to genocide Hoshido.  Net innocent casualties: way fewer than you taking over a kingdom for a goo monster that’s out to kill everyone.  Hell, I still hate that the goo monster is a thing at all.  Honestly, if Xander’s virtues were half of what they should be, at some point along the campaign trail, Corrin should only have to mention she thinks Garon’s corrupt and is calling for too much violence.  Again, use that concept of a schism in the ranks to set the stage for a coup mid-campaign.  Xander has directly seen enough to know the atrocities his father carries out.  You shouldn’t need this nonsense about a goo monster for this story to have weight.

But, we got the goo monster, so we have to put it down.  The map’s fairly simple, though the individual rooms are a little scary, and 100% fuck those asshole soldiers with Counter and Magic Counter.  Those are the worst skills the series has ever introduced, and by god I hope that Three Houses doesn’t have them.  Nothing is stupider than some jackoff with a high HP count and nothing else running up to you, hitting you for some damage, and then having your own attacks reflected 100% back at you, killing your unit because their inflated HP stat let them cheat the encounter.  Magic Counter was added this game, and it’s somehow worse.  Now if they have Counter, Magic Counter also reflects any and all magic damage back at you.  At least Counter had the fucking decency to only work when adjacent, so archers could mess with it.  These skills are just the exact opposite of engaging.

Garon himself is a bitch, though.  I think he had under a 50% chance to hit Xander at all, and even if he did it was like 20% of his HP, while Xander takes out like 40% of his.  You tried, goo man.

After finally killing Garon, you’d think it would be over.  But nope!  One more encounter with the champion of tantrums, Takumi!  It turns out, he’s been corrupted by...something?  I played this game years ago, on all routes, and I’m still not sure how the hell this works.  Corrin waxes philosophical afterward about whether anger and hatred can simply corrupt people into becoming monsters and avatars of destruction, but it’s gotta have some connection to Valla.  Anyway, at first, Corrin decides to let Takumi just throw his hissy-fit to get him to calm down.  This results in him pushing her shit in with a single arrow that shatters the Yato blade.  Oops.  Thankfully, conveniences!  Corrin has that dream sequence when you’re on the verge of death and meet with all the people who died along the way, and the real Takumi gives her the Fujin Yumi, which...doesn’t really exist?  And somehow repairs her Yato blade instantly?  Then Azura starts singing and it allegedly weakens Takumi?  So you clear out the map, which is mostly just tearing through some enemies and putting up the barricades before his attacks, and beat up Takumi really easily with Corrin and Xander.  You all revel in the victory until you realize Azura is gone.  It’s probably fine, probably just needed the bathroom.  I’m sure she’ll be back.

The ending sequence throws us directly into Xander coronation, where the kingdoms are brought together peacefully.  A big festival is held, and Corrin leaves for a bit to catch her breath near the lake.  She meets with Azura for a minute, who disappears after asking Corrin to close her eyes.  Corrin’s not even sure if it was real or an illusion, and is called back to the party.  Now, this?  This I kinda like.  Just the feel of the scene, you know?  I have a thing for bittersweet endings, and this has the right kind of feel.  The problem is...we have no idea why this is happening.  Presumably, it’s the song.  But she’s used the song before without this kind of serious backlash.  Or any backlash, really.  Like, remember when she tried to reveal the truth about Garon at the theater?  She used the mystic powers of her song there, and there was no blowback at all.  But now she vanishes forever?  It’s just strange, and another sort of contrivance where the conditions are vague at best, but typically nonexistent.

With that though, the game is finally over.  I’m gonna be honest, the story is just as stupid as I remembered, but it kinda feels less infuriating now.  I don’t know if it’s just my expectations going in were set so low or what, but the story, stupid as it is, feels more like a goofy B-movie than an outright disasterfuck and a blight on the world.  It’s stupid and childish, and very little is thought through.  Having also recently played Awakening, I understand where the developers were coming from when they said Awakening’s core story felt a little weak, but how anyone felt like this game was a step in the right direction is beyond me.

By comparison, the gameplay is fantastic.  Conquest is actually a ton of fun to just play through.  The maps are way more varied in their gimmicks and goals than anything Awakening had to offer.  Stats cap a lot lower, too, and enemy stats never feel overwhelming.  Even leveling up felt appropriate.  In Awakening, I could reach max level of a class promotion by around Chapter 17-18.  Even in the Radiant Games, Bonus EXP lets you reach level cap way before you’re supposed to.  But Conquest...actually had me reach level cap for only two units, Corrin and Camilla, at Chapter 26.  Everyone else either didn’t reach cap, or got there at the last map against Takumi.  Stats themselves also didn’t always cap, but could once you got close to level cap.  Camilla and Corrin had a few more than others because I used those seals that raise level cap, but still.  I actually really like the balance of the game.

That said: this only works because I did not recruit a single child character.  I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating, children characters had no place in Fates.  They were included because children were included in Awakening, Awakening literally saved the series, but to this day none of them know how it did that.  So Fates assumed certain major mechanics from Awakening were required for it to sell well, and thus, children.  But having those extra maps would’ve broken this balance to pieces, not to mention the absolute nightmare that is the Baby Realm.  I honest feel like the game is substantially better without the children characters at all.  Had I gone to get them, I would’ve needed to be very specific in how I supported units, gone out of my way to deploy units that didn’t matter just to get their kids, and then probably never used their kids.  I could not be happier that Three Houses isn’t going to be bringing in children characters.

Overall, I’m pleasantly surprised by the Conquest route.  A few of the characters have really grown on me, and the gameplay was...actually really solid.  The story just drags it down so hard.  So hard, it’s unbelievable.  There are so many areas of the plot of this route where things could’ve been handled in a way where it had actual weight and impact, but instead it just feels very...hollow.  Emotional scenes are attempted, and sometimes even executed well in a vacuum, but within the broader context, all of this could’ve been avoided.  Corrin’s constant anguish over sacrifices being made rings completely hollow when you consider all the ways in which bloodshed could’ve been avoided, or at least this specific path of bloodshed.  Fighting would happen regardless, and as Azura and Xander expressed in the endgame, no one path is purely right or purely wrong.  You’d have to push forward regardless, and things become difficult no matter what path you take.  But if there’s one thing to consider on the Conquest route, it’s that Corrin is really, unspeakably terrible at subterfuge and planning, and that Xander is really, really dense.

Now, time to start up the Birthright path.  I always liked the Nohrian siblings better, but we’ll see if anything changes with that.  I will, again, not be recruiting the children characters, and supports will happen as we go but I’m not going out of my way.  Hopefully this route also feels more positive the second time through, if only because of gameplay.