#and this cocaine makes me feel like i'm on this song

[mariusperkins]

tagged by @kismetnemesis

🎶✨when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. then, send this ask/tag 10 of your followers 🎶 (I am not doing 10 that’s so many omg) I tag @princessparadoxical and @madelinestarr

1. Tonight Is What It Means To Be Young from the ‘Streets of Fire’ OST

2. Hunk Night Summer by Let’s Make a Music

3. Acid Tongue by Jenny Lewis

4. Your Arms Around Me by Jens Lekman

5. Fly Me to the Moon by Bobby Womack

[cleoluvrr]

fuck up the friendship (rafe cameron x reader)

SYNOPSIS: we're already six feet deep, let's cut the tension

WARNINGS: explicit sexual content

materlist

you entered the party space, the floor packed with people dancing to the music playing through the speakers. you grabbed another glass of water as you and rafe passed a refreshment table. the two of you stood at the back of the room, people watching and enjoying the music in a comfortable silence.

"so...you wanna go dance?" you said as you walked backwards onto the ballroom floor. rafe smiled softly, legs outstretching to follow after you.

rafe dragged you out to midsummers despite your pushback. he told you that it would be fun, but you already knew that he only wanted you to come so he wouldn’t have to be pulled around with his father. 

you hadn’t been to the event in ages, parents leaving you behind at home every year since you turned thirteen and outright refused to attend anymore. you hated everything about the dick-measuring contest of a party; the disgusting display of wealth, the suffocating smell of old lady perfume, and the feeling of middle-aged men wrapping their wrinkly hands around your body when your mother would force you to hug them. 

you never understood why your family came every year, but deep down, you knew. you guys weren’t rich, at least not when compared to the rest of the island club members. your parents ran a business that the tourists loved, and it generated enough money to send you to private school and pay to be a part of the country club. you’ve lived comfortably your entire life, but your parents had to work hard for that. since they weren’t born with a silver spoon in their mouth, they felt that they had to prove to everyone that they were just as good.

they come every year to make connections not only for themselves, but for you. they want to give you the chances they never had, so they drag themselves to events like this to make that possible.

so when you told them you were coming for the first time in almost five years, they were elated.

though, not as elated as rafe.

rafe had been your best friend since sophomore year of high school, when he was a junior. you weren’t sure why he wanted to be friends with you; he was older, more popular, richer. you felt as if you were in two different worlds. that didn’t matter to him though–once he set his sights on you, it was already decided that he would take you under his wing.

you always heard that rafe was an asshole to anyone with less money than him, and maybe that was true, but you’d never experienced it. in fact, he’d never been mean to anyone at all when you were around. as far as you knew, he was an angel. one with an increasingly concerning cocaine habit, but sweet nonetheless.

everyone always told you to stay away from him, or wondered how someone like you could ever be friends with him, but you never understood what they meant by it. to you, he was just rafe; your best friend.

"dance with me." rafe says, arms reaching out towards your direction.

"i am dancing with you?"

"no," he says, pulling you closer, "dance with me." he wraps your arms around his neck, swaying the pair of you side-to-side to the rhythm of the music.

"are you feeling better now?" you asked. he was dreading the party for weeks, and he could barely muster up a smile a few hours ago. he hums a yes, a content look on his face as he looks at you.

"you look so beautiful tonight, y/n." you looked down as your cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "i'm serious. you're stunning."

"i know you're serious. why do you think i'm blushing?" he laughs at that. you could see the smile on his face when you meet his eyes again.

"i make you blush? that's cute."

"shut up." you stepped on his foot, though all he does in response is keep laughing. the two of you remained like this for a number of songs, just enjoying each other's presence.

after being at the gala deep into the night, you decide to call it. rafe says his goodbyes to his friends and a bunch of donors that are acquainted with his father, quite begrudgingly, before he walks you out to the car with him. rafe, with his constant need to show off how much money his family has, chose to have a small limousine pick up the two of you from his house. the driver was standing by the car with the back door open, closing it after you were settled inside.

"that was actually so much fun." you spoke tiredly.

"i told you it would be." he hums from the seat beside you while looking at his phone. you cut your eyes at him.

"you literally begged for me to come because you were dreading spending time with your father. which you ended up doing anyway."

"okay fine," he snorts, "but look at this." he leans in, showing you his phone. he posted a video of you loudly singing to a kehlani song on his instagram story, telling the artist to watch out in the caption.

"i told you to delete that shit, rafe!" you shoved at him in annoyance.

"but it's so cute! i've never seen you smiling like that before."

"yeah, because i'm always around you." he shoves you back, rolling his eyes with a smile on his face. he rests his head on you shoulder, grabbing at your hand and playing with the silver rings adorning your fingers.

he pauses abruptly, sniffing strangely. he turns his head, deeply inhaling by the spot where your neck meets your shoulders. the feeling of his breath on your bare skin makes you shudder involuntarily, but you don't react otherwise.

"you smell really nice." he says against your neck, lips brushing your skin.

"i know." you kept your reply short, knowing that if you tried to form a full sentence, your voice will certainly fail you.

"delicious, really." you bit your lip, trying to keep the inappropriate thoughts that have suddenly begun to attack you at bay. 

"rafe." you sighed out.

"hm?" the blonde hums. he reaches up towards your necklace, toying with the pendant that decorates your chest.

it was a gift from rafe; a birthstone necklace for your eighteenth birthday. 

rafe normally ignored your personal space, but this felt different. it couldn’t be the alcohol–even at his drunkest he never acted like…this. you didn’t have a lot of experience with guys, but you weren’t clueless. you knew that this wasn’t how guys acted with girls they were just friends with.

he took off his suit jacket when he got in the car, the muscles in his arms on full display in the well-fitted button up he wore. his legs looked mouthwatering, muscular thighs straining against the fabric of the slacks keeping them contained. the manner in which he sat with his legs wide open, manspreading, was so tempting.

you wanted to slap yourself for even letting those thoughts come to mind. what was wrong with you? rafe is your best friend. 

you blinked a few times, eyes tearing away from the thickness of his legs and back up towards his lightly flushed face. you swallowed thickly, sure that rafe could see the way your throat bobbed from his position at your neck.

"have you been drinking?" the feeling of your heart thumping against your ribcage at a rapid pace only made you feel more on edge.

"no, i'm very sober." he says, his free hand moving to the small of your back.

"okay…so why are you acting like this right now?" your throat bobbed dryly once again.

“have you ever been touched, y/n?”

the question caught you totally off-guard, the nature of it immediately causing you to head up. you almost had to physically stop your jaw from falling to the floor.

"what?" is all you could respond with, more than sure that you misheard him.

"i’ve been thinking…” he trails off for a moment. “you’re almost nineteen, and i’ve never even seen you flirt with a guy.”

“okay, so?” you lick your lips, barely able to get your words off your tongue.

“so…you aren’t worried about going into college being inexperienced?” you shrugged, unsure of what he wanted you to say.

“i’ve never really thought about it.” the words left you softly, voice slightly shaky from nervousness.

“college guys are different, y’know. they don’t like girls that haven’t ever done anything.” he says. “that don’t know anything.”

“rafe…” you whined. you felt humiliated as he pointed out your lack of experience with boys at your age. 

you and rafe were complete opposites in that aspect. you never really thought about sex, unless you were in the lone darkness of your room back home. the only guy you ever really thought about was him. he was involved in almost every part of your life, and it was hard to talk to other guys when he took up so much of your attention.

rafe, however…well–rafe got around. there was nothing he hadn’t done, and you didn’t have to ask to find that out. he loved to talk to you about his sexual endeavors, and you always tried your best to drown out all the vulgar details that he never attempted to spare you.

“i’m just asking as a concerned friend, y/n.” his blue eyes flicker up to meet yours, the ocean color much darker than you remembered. “has anyone ever touched you?”

“no!” you were short with your reply again, face hot and feeling flustered. “but that doesn’t–it doesn’t matter.”

“it doesn’t matter?” he sounds skeptical, brows rising to the middle of his forehead. “you don’t want me to teach you?”

“teach me, what?” your brows went up just as far as his. you were met with silence, rafe’s penetrating eyes a replacement for a verbal answer. “i don’t think friends are supposed to do those…things with each other.” you gulped again, the temperature inside your body rising the longer the conversation continues. 

“why not? it’s smart to do those ‘things’ with someone that you trust.” the blonde chuckles at the avoidance of explicit language. "why is your heart beating so fast?" he asks, moving the hand that was previously playing with your necklace to where the muscles lies to feel it bang against your chest.

that only makes it beat faster.

"because you're making me nervous." your voice gets caught in your throat.

"i make you nervous?" he asks teasingly. you don't answer. "hm? can you answer me?"

"yes," you whisper, feeling him smile against your warm skin, "you're making me nervous."

"really?"

"rafe." he ignores the callout.

"how does this make you feel?" he presses his lips to your skin, soft kisses ghosting against your exposed neck.

"rafe." he continues his antics, the furnace in the pit of your stomach burning stronger with every placement of his plump lips.

"does this make you nervous too?"

"stop." your voice comes out pathetic and weak. you weren’t sure if you actually wanted him to stop.

"do you really want me to?" your mind is fuzzy, too focused on how he's making you feel. "hm? i will if you do. i just wanna help you…wanna teach you some things. don’t you trust me?" he stops the barrage of kisses to whisper in your ear, patiently awaiting an answer.

you felt like you were going crazy.

you’ve always daydreamed of something like this happening, but that was it. dreams. you’re a hormonal, young adult and rafe is undeniably attractive–of course you would think silly things like that. there's a little voice in the back of your head telling you to snap out of it, to not go this far with a boy that’s been your closest friend for years.

it makes you want to think about how many other people he's done this with, how he's just doing this with you because he just wants to get his dick wet for the night, and you’re the closest girl to him. how you’ve barely even had a first kiss, and how it makes no sense for you to do god knows what in a car with said boy. 

the other part of you doesn't care and wants to give in to what he's trying to convince you. it doesn't care that it probably isn’t–definitely isn’t a good idea. that this is so out of left field and completely inappropriate–and that's the part that wins.

"yes." you’re as quiet as a mouse, sure that the sound of the car covered up your voice.

"yes, what?" he asks sweetly, rubbing his lips against the cartilage of your ear.

"yes, rafe, i trust you." you nearly whined, desperate for him to keep going. he smiled, planting a kiss to the ear his lips were resting against.

"good."

rafe goes back to the junction of your shoulder, more firmly this time. sliding the hand on your chest up your neck and to your jaw, he turns it away to gain more access. he leaves rough, wet kisses all over, sucking and biting at the sensitive skin.

he trails the kisses down further, marks left in his wake as he leaves burgundy hickeys over the tops of your breasts, the skin left exposed by the dress you wore. he moves the fabric of the skirt out of the way, a knee placed between your legs to keep them open as he hovers for a better angle. he pauses his assault, coming up for air. he looks at your frame beneath him, panting, eyes glassy and lipgloss completely bitten off.

"you look so cute right now" you mewled pathetically in response, arching your back to push your chest closer to him in an attempt to make him start again. "calm down, pretty girl. i'm right here." he says.

"rafe, please." you threw your head back against the seat, exhaling deeply. "don't mess with me right now."

"you want me to stop?"

"you're about to make me mad." you groaned, annoyed with his antics.

"i'm sorry, baby." he smirks like something is funny. "you're just so fun to play with." he steadies himself with a hand on your hip, the other one wrapped around your neck, thumbs grazing the center column in an up and down motion.

"you aren’t a very good teacher." you gritted out, utterly frustrated.

"i’m not?" you shook your head. he sits back down in his seat, grabbing you to pull you over his lap. "first lesson. make me hard." he says.

"wh-what?" you stuttered in complete shock, stumbling over one simple word like an idiot.

"do i need to repeat myself?" he begins pressing open-mouthed kisses to your neck, up the center of your throat, and nipping at your jaw. you moan quietly at the feeling of his lips, pushing against his shoulders instinctively. "make me hard. no guy can fuck you with a soft dick."

you lick your lips, lack of experience leaving you clueless as to where to even start.

reaching around his head to grip the hair at the nape of his neck, you pulled his plush lips against yours in a bold move. you licked into his mouth hesitantly, the taste of mint toothpaste and bourbon hitting your senses immediately. rafe groaned against your lips, fisting the material of the dress in his hands; the bold choice seemed to have an effect on him. you did not go unaffected, the sound released from his throat sending a surge of heat through your entire body.

rafe was patient– letting you bite at his lips experimentally and tease his tongue with yours every now and then. you had no idea what you were doing, and you were more than sure that he could tell.

he pulls you closer to him, deepening the kiss with a sudden burst of confidence and passion. it could not be compared to the soft way you were kissing him just moments ago. his roughness against your mouth and the tightening grip he had on your hips did not match his usual sweet demeanor, the fierceness in his motions throwing you for a loop.

“jesus christ. do i even know this guy?” is the thought that hits your mind.

"sit on me." he whines, pulling away briefly. he squeezes the flesh beneath his hands, urging you to sit down all the way.

settling in his lap, you let yourself rest your weight completely on him instead of hovering. rafe grinds his hips up into you when you do this, letting you feel the barely contained bulge in his pants. you sucked in a breath of air, attempting to pull away, but he grabs the back of your neck to keep you from moving. the blonde was starting to take control of the situation again, clearly far more experienced.

you found a moment to pull away eventually, rafe chasing after with a string of saliva connecting your lips. he licks it away, the action sending your mind into a foggy mess of arousal.

"shit. hold on." you said, panting heavily above him. the boy kneads your flesh through the satin material of the gown, running his thumb over your swollen lips covered in our shared saliva.

"what is it, princess?"

"rafe," you ran a hand through the back of his hair, "why.."

"why, what?" he moves his hand back down to your neck, rubbing the bruises on the skin he made a few minutes earlier. "can you use your words, pretty girl?"

"why did you do that?"

"do what? this?" he grinds his hips up into you again and you whimper, falling forward against him to hide your face in his neck. he chuckles, pressing a wet kiss beneath your ear. "i wanted to show you how good you’re doing, that's why."

"i hate you." you muttered against his skin.

"oh, i'm sure you do."

you couldn't think clearly anymore, unable to form a full thought that wasn’t about what's going on in this car right now. you don't know how far you want to take this, but you didn't want to stop either. you'd never slept with anyone, your first real kiss was just given away to the boy beneath you moments ago.

"how much do you want to show me?" you said boldly, surprising the both of you.

"i hope you know what you're getting yourself into." he smiles lazily with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"i don't," you admit, leaning back to your original position, "but that's why i'm asking you to show me." you locked gazes with his, watching as his pupils blow out and his irises darken.

he leans forward and you meet him halfway. he laps messily at your lips and grazes the roof of your mouth with his tongue, the wet sounds of sloppy kissing and heaving breathing filling the silence of the limo. when rafe grips your neck again, he uses the grasp to keep your lips together until he decides you can come up for air. 

he steals your breath away and you let him, the insistence of his tongue causing your shared saliva to run down your chin, no doubt ruining the makeup you worked on for hours earlier in the day. moaning against his wet lips, the obscenity of the kiss sent a blinding heat through your lower body.

suddenly, rafe’s hand grazed a nipple through the fabric of your dress. the action made you shiver involuntarily. he brushes over it a few times before covering your breast with his entire hand, squeezing it roughly. your body jerked against his, unable to control the reaction it had to his touch. he broke the kiss, the sound of you whimpering capturing his attention.

"you're so sensitive. do you like the way i touch you? how i take control over you?" he asks with a rough voice.

you were at a complete loss of words. not being used to being spoken to this way, you could only respond with a nod. rafe doesn't bring up an issue with your answer. you felt as your thin underwear began to grow damp, the fabric sticking to your skin as he palmed at your chest.

with glassy eyes, you watched as he groped your clothed breasts, brushing over your pebbled nipples and kissing the fresh hickeys as he worked on making new ones. rafe gazed up at your dazed expression, completely entranced with the unfiltered reactions. he’d never seen you so desperate.

"you're so adorable." he whispers against your neck.

"shut up," you respond. your breath stutters when he pinches a hard nipple through your dress, leaving it tender and nearly making you faint. he dropped his head back down to your chest, wrapping his mouth around your clothed breast. the action left you feeling dizzy, the sting of the pinch went directly to your core, leaving you clenching around nothing as you leaked pathetically into your underwear.

"rafe, stop! you're gonna leave a stain." you whined, pushing him off weakly. he pulls away begrudgingly, clearly displeased with the complaint.

"i don't give a fuck about this dress." he nearly growls.

he switched to the other breast, taking it into his mouth and tugging at the satin with his teeth. he licks roughly at the hidden nipple while a hand sneaks up to yank down one side of your dress, spreading the saliva that seeped through the fabric onto your damp skin. you hissed, the coolness of the air-conditioning causing the bud to harden even further from the wetness. you were desperate to feel his mouth lave across the bare skin. you looked up at the roof of the car, head heavy and feeling drunk with pleasure. he backs away suddenly, his hands frozen in place as he looks at you closely.

"rafe..." he groaned at the sound of his nickname leaving your mouth in such a pathetic plea for him to keep going. you ground your hips down against his in search for something to ease the throbbing between your thighs. you were beginning to lose it–your friend was single-handedly driving you insane in under fifteen minutes.

"what do you want me to do? use your words, beautiful," he looks up at you, his eyes wild and filled with lust. he ran his hands over your thighs, moving the skirt of the dress to expose your bare legs through the slit. you pulled his face towards your chest, lip captured between the sharpness of your teeth. “your second lesson is to tell me what feels good.”

"can you kiss me here, please?" your voice is quiet, embarrassed that you were begging for him to touch you.

your head fell back, all thoughts of embarrassment are gone when he pulls down the top of your dress slowly, releasing your breasts from their constraints. you weren't wearing a bra, the structure of the dress leaving no need for one; you were completely exposed to him.

rafe groans, his lips encasing one of the buds and releasing it with a wet 'pop.' he flattens his tongue against you, moving it in an upwards motion and repeating the action twice more. hovering over your chest, he opens his mouth wide to let his saliva drip down onto you before licking it back up with long drags of his tongue.

your clit pulsed intensely, eyes falling shut at the overwhelming feeling. rafe kept going, sucking and biting at your nipples like his life depended on it. his neat hair was ruined, the repeated gripping and tousling of the locks by you leaving it a complete mess. he groans against you when the manicured nails attached to your fingers scratch at his scalp.

"rafe," he dick twitched under you when you moaned his name, "please touch me. i need it." he hummed in acknowledgement, finally pulling away from your thoroughly dampened chest. strings of saliva connect his lips to your skin.

"are you wet for me, pretty girl?" the way he looks up at you through his lashes with swollen, red lips and a chin covered in his own spit is a pornographic scene.

you recognized the craving in his eyes immediately; they were a reflection of your own. with your usual shyness and critical thinking skills gone long ago, you grabbed rafe’s hand and placed it between your legs, allowing him to feel what he's done.

"fuck..." he cursed, frozen in place.

you squeal when he grabs you roughly, sitting you on one of his knees instead of over his lap. he watches your face as he pushes his flexed thigh up against your core, moving your hips against the tense muscle.

placing your hands on his shoulders, your steadied yourself as the hot pleasure flooded your body. he narrowed his eyes at you, gripping your waist tightly as he slid you back and forth across his thigh.you clung to his forearm at his roughness, the feeling of his fingers digging into the flesh both painful and arousing.

"does that feel good, baby?" you nodded, words unable to roll off your tongue properly.

rafe picks you up again, placing you back in the seat of the car. he turns to you and fits his body against your side, hiking the pink dress up and opening the slit to reveal your ruined underwear. he bites his lip as he drags a finger up and down the soaked fabric, in awe at the way it glides so easily. he pulls away, holding his fingers up to your face.

"can you get these wet for me, sweet girl?" you comply, allowing him to place them into your open mouth.

he uses his free hand to wrap around your body, groping at your bare chest from behind. the hand owning the digits that were previously encased by your mouth move back down between your legs. he uses the pads of his fingers to rub harsh, tight circles into your swollen clit, the sounds of your wetness filling the back of the car.

you grabbed his wrist in one hand, feeling your release building quickly.

you tremble against his body and he whispers sweet words into your ear, soothing you with wet kisses on your neck. you grind yourself into his merciless fingers, desperately after chasing your high as the heat spreads throughout your entire body.

"m'gonna cum," you say, on the verge of babbling mindlessly.

"you’re gonna cum already?” he chuckled at your whining, his head shaking. “how cute.”

his movements speed up unexpectedly, rubbing over your clothed pussy with fervor. your eyes squeeze shut, the pleasure building so quickly that you couldn’t keep them open any longer. the hand gripping his wrist moves up to his head, holding onto his messy hair for leverage. all of the restraint you had before had completely disappeared, hips jerking sharply into your friend's hand as you reach your peak.

"rafe-" you start loudly. the owner of the name clamps his free hand over your mouth and hushes you.

"we aren't alone, remember?" you nod, biting your lip to keep quiet, but he keeps his hand in place anyways just in case.

you whimper, thighs clamping around rafe’s hand tightly. he continues to palm and rub at your sensitive center, aiding you all the way through your climax instead of stopping despite how much your body twitches against him.

"mmm, you're taking it so well baby. making such a mess for me." you whine at his words, the sentence going straight to your gushing cunt.

the nails of your free hand dig into his arm, and the other continues pulling at his hair harshly in desperation. he groans deeply as he drags out your for his own pleasure, watching as you squirm against his hold, moaning his name pathetically through his palm.

"you're such a good girl for me," he praises into your ear, "so, so good. you learn so quickly.”

you pant against him, chest heaving and a few lonely tears falling from your eyes. you ache for something to fill your empty cunt, the feeling of his hands rubbing at your clothed core no longer enough to satiate the desire. you follow the motions of his hands with your hips now, still in a daze, unable to stop despite the overstimulation.

rafe slips his hand past the waistband of your panties, slipping his fingers through your folds and collecting the wetness that he created. you let out another pathetic whine; the feeling of his bare skin against yours causing your eyes to roll back into your head unconsciously. 

"i know, pretty girl." he coos into your ear. he puts his glistening fingers to his mouth, moaning at the taste of you. he wraps a hand around your throat, squeezing it as he pulls you into a messy kiss. he pulls away, looking at your fucked out expression in awe.

he suddenly glances up towards the window in front of us and lets out a string of curses. you lift your head from his shoulder, reacting in the same way when you look out of the window.

the two of you rush to fix yourselves, the sight of your neighborhood filling the dark car windows. rafe grabs napkins from somewhere in the car, using them to wipe your chin, chest, and thighs clean, apologizing when he touches sensitive areas. he cleans his own hands and face off, throwing on his suit jacket while you adjust your dress back into its original state. 

the limo pulls in front of your house, the sight of your parents’ cars and the lights on in their room shaking you slightly. you suck in a deep breath, taking in everything that just happened. you gnaw on your bottom lip, gloss long gone, and swallow deeply.

“what the fuck did i just do.”

you look over at matteo to gauge his reaction, only to find him staring already. you blush and start laughing, which prompts him to as well. your eyes rake over his body, and immediately spot the large bulge in his dress pants. the laughter fades into silence, feeling terrible for leaving him like that. what exactly do you do in a situation like this?

he catches you staring and smiles, head shaking as he laughs softly.

"i'm sorry about..." you trail off awkwardly, not knowing what to say, "that." you decide. he chuckles, moving to a seat closer.

"it's okay, don't worry about it." he says..

"well, um, i guess i should go. it's pretty late." you tell him, reaching for the door handle.

he intercepts, pulling you back towards him gently. he grabs your jaw with a firm grip and kisses you softly, sending butterflies to wreak havoc in your stomach. he massages your lips with his, the sweet movements drastically different from how he kissed you moments earlier. he pulls away, smiling with low eyes.

"i don’t think i can let the college boys have you..." he says softly, his eyes containing a look you’d never seen before.

[thesilmarillionblog]

𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part: 3

Click here to read the first part!

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: Heavy angst, hurt, cruel Soldier Boy, reader gets hurt, mention of violence, betrayal, Soldier Boy being a dick, reader is a supe, Crimson Countess is a bitch

Word Count: 2194

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

Ben’s lips parted to say something when you told him that he would never hear you saying those three words again, but he clenched his jaw, and his eyes sharpened with fury.

“Don’t even bother, because those words already mean nothing to me.”

You caught him looking at your lips for a second, but he let go of your chin immediately and pulled himself together like he would kiss you if he waited for another second. His unreadable face was filling your heart with hope since you knew he would be far more different if he really didn’t like you at all as he told.

You walked over to him and gently touched his rough hand, asking, “Then why does it make you mad when I tell you I would leave Payback? If you don't really care at all, why do you want me here with your side so much that you threat me with hurting Noir? Ben, please be honest with yourself, at least. I know you won't be honest with me.”

You looked at him with desperation, pleading him with your eyes and touched his hand like you could never get that chance again. You didn’t understand what exactly caused his soft side to slip in your hands so suddenly, so sharp. What had happened to you exactly? You knew it wasn’t about Crimson or someone else, but you didn’t know the cause behind why you failed to solve the true reason behind all this pain.

You withdrew your hands just before he pushed them away. When you posed those questions, he seemed so confused and lost that you nearly thought he would finally crack and put a stop to the cruelty between you going on. Since you were aware that he wasn't good at expressing his true feelings from the very beginning, you were willing to push him a little. You would fight for it if you had to be the one to help him overcome his inner demons and open himself.

“I won't be giving a fuck seeing you fucking go away if I find a stronger supe than you,” he simply said.

You answered, “Neither the team nor you need a strong one,” knowing what he was talking about was just another lie. “Ben, you never care who is powerful or not as you know you are strongest. Your ego is too big to care about what other people are capable of.”

“What on earth should I tell you to get off my ass and stop bothering the Countess and me, huh, Y/N?” He inquired, showing no interest in what you had to say. It didn't even seem like he was paying attention to what you were saying. “I'm warning you; don't talk to me about love or other bullshit again.”

He retreated a step, sat on the couch, and sniffed the cocaine on the table before his eyes darkened. When your lips parted to respond, he lifted his hand menacingly, to prevent you from say another thing to make him angrier.

He yelled, “Shut the fuck up,” and started sniffing coke before you did, startling you with his unexpected outburst. “Do you think you know me? Are you fucking naïve?”

You also raised your voice, but it was rather shaky, saying, “I do know you.” You eventually lost patience with his attitude because of how much his persistence was getting on your nerves.

“You’re a fucking naïve then,” he chuckled, but his tone was rather angry than amusing. “Get the fuck out of here and leave me alone.”

You turned away, your eyes watering, and opened the door without saying a word to Ben, fearing that he would become enraged since he was too busy getting high like a real jerk. You heard Countess's voice in the distance. She gave you a tiny smirk to irritate you, as she usually does, but you left the trailer without looking at her and without creating any drama.

After a few weeks, you gave up attempting to get in touch with Ben because you could tell he was preoccupied with all the dumb advertisements and other bullshit. You also stopped participating in anything Payback-related, even though you were still required to perform these things along with the rest of the team. You informed Earving that you were completely well and needed some time for yourself, despite the fact that he had visited your home numerous times to check on you.

But it was a lie. You were either ill or simply lovesick. You had a difficult time falling asleep since you could recall every last detail of Ben and Crimson's interactions. They appeared in every movie, television show, and advertisement. It didn't matter if you simply vanished; you couldn't run away from your own sentiments that were killing you or their reality.

Earving told you that Ben was becoming crueler and harsher to him and the rest of the crew every day, but you couldn't really care because you were most likely going through the worst.

After a month, you were compelled to flee your home due to a terrorist attack, and all of the members required you on the battlefield. Ben was busy commanding the soldiers haphazardly, using heavy and hazardous weapons like toys, and showing off his whole range of abilities to them with an arrogant smile on his face.

He was taken aback to see you because you were the last person to enter the territory. Ben walked up to you with a sneaky smile on his face after he dropped the rifle on one of the twins from his shoulder, but you turned your back on him and continued talking to some soldiers to give him courage because you didn't want to hear what Ben was about to say to distress and upset you any more.

You were desperately missing Ben and were helpless for any kind of interaction or words to rekindle your already fading hope, but you were also proud. You were aware of everything that happened between you, and excepted the turth that the wonderful memories between him and you had long faded. More than anyone you didn't get to know, he was more of a stranger than any stranger. You were certain there was nothing left in you for him to break because he had broken your heart so many times. Struggling to change the past and pushing yourself too hard will only exacerbate your situation. You knew the pain wouldn’t fully disappear soon, but it would ease by time.

He didn't move again once you turned your back to him, indicating that you were right to let it go.

After Ben tormented him more severely than ever on your third day on the battlefield, Noir's patience ran out, and he kept saying Ben that he didn't deserve to be a leader and that he was simply a bully on cocaine. Despite your attempts to dissuade Earving from approaching Ben too closely and to push him back before things got physical, he was adamant about ending Ben's leadership.

“You don’t deserve to be the the leader of Payback. All you do is getting high and bullying all of us. All people here looking at us with hatred, not respect and the reasson behind this all is that we don’t have a respectful leader,” Earving said raising his voice.

Knowing that Ben was pretty nerveous espcially nowadays and fearing he was already ready to hurt anyone in the squad, you pushed Noir by his chest back trying to calm him down. He was right about everything, but it wasn’t the way to solve this mess Ben caused. Besides, no one would stand a chance against Soldier Boy. After all, he was indeed the strongest supe.

“Noir, please calm down,” you whispered him as if no one would hear you. “Don’t do this.”

Your body clenched with terror, knowing that he would be severely wounded by Ben, who was already looking for a small excuse to beat him up. Earving was digging his own grave for sure.

“What’s wrong with you?” Earving suddenly snapped, pushing your hands from him. “Why do you even support him?”

“Violence with get you nowhere,” you said sharply, implying he must stop or he’ll be the one to get hurt.

“And what the fuck will you do about this, huh?” Ben asked with an evil smirk on his face. “You just fucking disrespected me, you fucking weak fuckface. All you do is whining like a newborn baby yet you crave for respect and all shit.”

When you saw Ben make a move to face Earving, you stopped between them to prevent what was to come. Some soldiers were watching you all with curiosity, and some with fear.

“Ben,” you said with a serious tone. “Let’s not make a scene and let others talk behind you. How can they even respect you if you lay a hand on one of us? This won’t be good for your reputation; you know this.”

Instead of taking a step back and pressing his anger down, your effort to save Noir made him see red.

“Will you now fucking defend him against me?” Ben glared at your hands, which were tightly gripping his suit, and said, “Step fucking aside or you'll get hurt first.”

As you take a step back, you realize how you came so close to Ben without recognizing it, despite your repeated assurances to yourself to keep away from him. He had done many things to you lately, but it was the first time he threatened you with such severity.

Just as you are about to react, you hear Crimson approaching Ben.

Placing a touch on Earving's arm, you showed your understanding and concern for him when you noticed him fisting his fists and standing motionless. It was Ben's harsh attitude toward nothing that he got in return for all the respect he deserved, which was all he asked for. Although Earving had been performing rather well up until this point, everyone has their limitations.

“You know, you shouldn't let others treat Soldier Boy disrespectfully,” Crimson said as she gave you one of her venomous glances. “When Black Noir tries to seize control of the team and instigate a revolt, how can people still acknowledge Soldier Boy as the team's strongest supe and leader? How are you even going to support it, Y/N?”

She scowled and remained by Ben's side, uttering more venomous things to incite Ben's hatred of you. Simply because you were aware of Ben's vulnerability to manipulation over his authority, you took a deep breath and declared, “I'm not supporting any of this. Who the hell are you to read Noir's intentions that way?”

Ben raised his finger right up to your face, his eyes were darkened with disappointment. “So, that’s it. You fucking betrayed me for that cocksucker.”

Your eyes burned with fury as the corner of the Countess’ lips curled with satisfaction.

“Are you really talking about betrayal now?” You raised your voice as your hands were in fist now.

Earving felt your hazardous tension with Soldier Boy, and your fury subsided his own anger. You pushed his hands away from you, even though he touched your shoulder to convey his support for you in a gentle way.

You could see how effortlessly the Countess was able to influence Ben; your eyes were burning with pain. You had come to terms with the idea that he couldn't see his actual emotions through them, but it appeared he couldn't see yours either.

He'd pretended to be concerned about you, deceived you, threatened you, and now accused you of betraying him. But the truth was, he was the one who did them. You didn’t know if he was blind or just a coward who couldn’t even face himself.

“You know what?” Ben angrily remarked, “Since you wanted to go away from the team so much, you can fucking leave now. You are free to fucking go.”

With a heavy heart, you murmured, “Fine. Neither do I want to be a part of this.”

Next Chapter

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A/N: I had planned Losing You to be a one-shot story, but it seems it will take a little more chapters to make a final. Comments and reblogs are very appreciated!

Taglist: @mostlymarvelgirl @xmariakx @spnfamily-j2 @suspicious-stain-in-spain @atomicsoulcollecto @yvonneeeee @starryperson

Let me know if you want to be tagged for this series. <3

[riality-check]

a continuation of this post. tw substance abuse. next part here. part 4 here. part 5 here. part 6 here. part 7 here.

ao3

The only person to whom Eddie breaks his promises is himself.

If he says he'll help someone, he'll help them. If he says he'll call someone, he'll call them. If he says he'll be there, he'll be there.

If he tells himself he won't be stupid on tour, he’ll try cocaine for the first time right after the second show.

He's always been like that. Always found it easy to lie and cheat and bend when it comes to himself. It's easier still when it's his self control, ever-fragile. And it's not like this is his first time with anything. He's been drinking beer to help him fall asleep since he was sixteen.

But the tour and the coke and the people and all the other stuff they have make it so easy to get so much worse.

He tells himself he keeps it together for work. He always gets back on the bus (Archie carries him) and gets up on time (Jeff wakes him up) and keeps it together onstage (Gareth yells at him because he comes in late for one song, every show).

He tells himself that so long as he's fine onstage, he can do whatever offstage. He tells himself that so long as he keeps only taking the dexies and the coke and other uppers, that it's not a problem. He tells himself that so long as he avoids the downers - except for alcohol because refusing drinks is a dick move - that he's not his parents.

Coke isn't a problem. Heroin is.

Eddie thinks back to track marks and sores and unseeing eyes every time someone offers him heroin. It's enough to keep him from taking it.

It's not a problem that he usually stays up for two days before he crashes. It's not a problem that most times, someone has to wake him up a half hour before soundcheck. It's not a problem that he needs a bump before he goes out onstage, and even then, he'll still crash right after the show.

It feels good. Being up all the time, talking and playing and moving, always moving, feels good. It’s what he’s supposed to do, isn’t it? This is what rock stars do. He’s doing it right. He’s doing everything right.

It's not a problem. He's fine.

Until he gets backstage when they finish up in Indianapolis and Wayne is there in the green room, sitting on the couch that Eddie wants nothing more than to flop onto and pass out.

He doesn't, though. He walks over, grips the armrest with both of his shaking hands, and leans forward to take some of the weight off his feet.

God, he's tired.

"Wayne!" he grins. "How are you? Did you like the show? I wish I knew you were coming, I would've got you a good seat. Did you-"

As he talks, he watches as Wayne's face falls from a smile to something neutral to something angry.

And when he finally shuts up, Wayne says, "You're a mess."

"Excuse me?"

"Eddie, you're a mess," Wayne says. "I don't think you can stand right now without holding onto the couch."

Eddie wants to prove him wrong, but he doesn't think he'll be able to.

"So what?" he says instead.

"So what?" Wayne repeats. "What are you taking?"

"Nothing that'll kill me."

"Everything can kill you, boy, even sugar. What are you on?"

Eddie sniffs, wiping his nose on the back of his hand.

"Coke, then," Wayne says, like it’s obvious, like it’s something nasty.

"What do you care?" Eddie says. He starts pacing, hands flying wildly. If he keeps moving, he doesn't seem unsteady, right? "I'm happy. I'm living my dream. I'm doing what I love. Who cares if I'm having a little fun while I'm doing it?"

"This ain’t fun."

"Yes, it is."

Wayne sighs. "You're gonna hurt yourself or someone else if you don't stop. What if you were driving, and-"

"I have people who do that for me," Eddie says, finally feeling like he's starting to win.

"Do you let them?"

Eddie stops moving, almost toppling over when he does so. "What?"

"Do you let them drive you?" Wayne asks. "Because I don't think you do. You've never let anyone do anything for you when you could do it yourself, and I don't think that's changed."

Eddie bites the inside of his cheek to stay quiet.

"I think you're scared. I think this all happened too fast, and you're scared because you don't think you deserve it. So you're trying to make that true."

"That's bullshit."

"If you keep it up," Wayne says slowly, like he's talking to a child, "this is gonna kill you, and it is gonna be ugly."

"I'll have a closed casket funeral," Eddie snaps.

"You won't be around to have any say!" Wayne barks.

Eddie jumps back. Wayne has never raised his voice at him, not even when Eddie was a total brat of a teenager.

"It's rehab," he continues softly. "When this tour ends."

"Or what?"

"There is no or," Wayne says. "I buried my mama, your mama, two of my cousins, and my uncle because of this. I'm not losing you to the same stupidity."

Eddie takes a breath.

"I know you're grown, but I'm not losing you," Wayne says, standing up and wrapping him in a hug.

Eddie clings to him. He has about fifty different protests on the tip of his tongue about how he's a grown adult, how he's fine, how Wayne has no right to tell him what to do.

They all lose credibility as he stands, holding on to his uncle and sobbing like he's nine years old again.

He goes to rehab the morning after the last show. He gets clean, quits everything except the cigarettes because Eddie needs to break every promise to himself, just a little, if he wants them to stick a lot.

[earlgreytea68]

do you have a playlist of peterick songs 🩷

I don't actually have a playlist (my playlist is All Fall Out Boy Songs in one massive jumble lolol and MAYBE THAT IS THE PETERICK PLAYLIST) and I don't think I've really been asked this question before, but here's what I would say are my top Peterick songs:

Saturday: This is for obvious reasons for anyone who's been around, but if you're brand new here, the lyrics are Saturday are explicitly about the Patrick-and-Pete relationship ("Pete and I attacked the Lost Astoria with promise and precision and a mess of youthful innocence" / "Me and Pete, in the wake of Saturday"). They've said it's the first song they felt like they successfully collaborated on without throwing punches at each other lol. They play it at the end of almost every single concert and Pete abandons his bass to stand right by Patrick before he wanders out into the crowd. Sometimes he puts his elbow on Patrick's shoulder and shimmies his hip. They also, when they perform it, make sure to shout "more than an hour" at each other, no matter where they are on stage (and they are COMMITTED to this bit, we've seen them almost miss it on this tour and scramble to make the eye contact). Patrick also always points to Pete wherever he is on the stage when he sings "Pete and I," so we're clear who he's singing about. It's charming. Also, in the video, Pete and Patrick turn out to be the same person, and...let's just leave that there for now.

It's Not a Side Effect of the Cocaine, I Am Thinking It Must Be Love: The lyrics of this song are absolutely wild. "Why can you read me like no one else? I hide behind these words, but I'm coming out." For real, Pete Wentz? "We'll make them so jealous, we'll make them hate us." REPEATED MANY TIMES. Ugh. "Think of all the places where you've been lost and found...out." REPEATED TWICE. With so much emphasis on being found out. Not just found, the word always hangs as the would-be conclusion, and then the out is such a definitive stamp at the end. I don't know what these lyrics are other than wrestling with the fact that you're in love with your best friend and wondering about your sexuality, just saying lol

I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song): I know that other people have other interpretations of this song, but to me "joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of 'best friends'" is super Peterick-coded. Also the parenthetical of "Summer Song," again, I know other people have other interpretations but to me Patrick is always represented by summer in Pete's lyrics (the way he is also sunshine and golden).

7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen): I have an interpretation in this song that Patrick is the "you" in it. Patrick is the star he's trying to fixate on while his world is falling apart, Patrick is the one thing he wants to focus on to keep everything else out. Trying to forget everything that isn't Patrick, only it's not-working-not-working-not-working. "The only thing worse than not knowing is you thinking that I don't know": The way that Pete thought he had to be the Leader of this band, take care of this kid he'd forced into being the singer, and so even when he's a complete mess he's got to hold it together so Patrick doesn't realize it.

The (After) Life of the Party: I know what the official lyrics say but I've never heard Patrick sing that refrain clearly enough to convince me he's saying "cut it loose" instead of "could it last," and to me this song is the quintessential social butterfly / favorite dynamic, which is the Pete&Patrick dynamic. "Watch you work the room / could it last." Watch you blossom, will I lose you?

Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes: In Pete's own words, this is a song about anyone you feel close to. Sometimes for him it was a girl, but honestly, sometimes it's Patrick. So. Here's a song about Patrick, according to Pete Wentz. I'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet.

What a Catch, Donnie: The song Pete explicitly wrote for Patrick. "All I can think of is the way I'm the one who charmed the one who gave up on you." In my head, this convoluted sentence is Patrick struck by how much Pete is charmed by him, and how much Pete gives up on himself. Also, the video has Pete putting himself on a sinking ship and leaving Patrick with all their friends as they shove off into the hiatus and whatever, I can't deal with any of this hahaha. THE SONG ENDS WITH A MEDLEY OF THEIR GREATEST HITS TOGETHER, whatever, this stupid song, I honestly thought the fact that this was the last single before hiatus had to be made up lol

"From Now On, We Are Enemies": A hiatus-era release titled for a movie about an intense artistic relationship. A refrain that's about the composer who's never composed who has to sing the symphonies of the overdosed. And the problem is they only want what they can't have.

Miss Missing You: The song in which Patrick sings about being saved by hot whiskey eyes. Please Google "hot whiskey," and then take a look at Pete Wentz's eyes. This is another thing I can't deal with lol. Also, the "miss missing you" is an explicit response to a poem Pete wrote to Patrick before the hiatus, in which Pete said, "I miss you missing me." Patrick responds with the song, "I miss missing you." THESE TWO.

The Kids Aren't Alright: First of all, they very frequently and consistently have referred to their fans as "the kids" since day one, so there's that. Which kids aren't alright? Ours. Shut up. "And in the end, I'd do it all again, I think you're my best friend." WHATEVER.

Fourth of July: Again, I know other people have different interpretations of this song, but for me this song is soooo Peterick. It's the summer reference again, but it's also hiatus-y to me. "We were fireworks that went off too soon." "I said I'd never miss you but I guess you never know." Pete got vicious and angry heading into hiatus and burned everything down, but you know what? "May the bridges I have burned light my way back home." "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it." I could go on and on about this song, I love the words to this song, but I just want to say, "I'm sorry every song's about you," is just...a lot. And then followed by "the torture of small talk with someone you used to love," and if that doesn't smack of the awkward end of the hiatus, Idk.

Twin Skeleton's (Hotel in NYC): There is a LOT in AB/AP, a LOT that these boys seem to be working through, and it's a lot of hiatus feelings, and this song always makes me think of everything breaking down. "I need a new partner in crime, and you -- you shrug"????? THIS LINE KILLS ME EVERY SINGLE TIME. And it's really a song about trying to hold everything together ("hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on," it says over and over) but everything is still falling apart into dramatics ("I can just die laughing on your spiral of shame" is another line that hits like a slap in the face).

Bishops Knife Trick: Pete Wentz in the early 2000s, famously: I'm only gay from the waist up. Pete Wentz in the late 2010s, in a lyric: I'm in spiritual revolt from the waist down. Honestly, enough said.

Hold Me Like a Grudge: With that "thaw out my freezer-burn feelings from 20 summers" early on, this song is setting us up for being a song at least about Fall Out Boy, but "part-time soulmate, full-time problem" sounds like it's probably just about one person lol.

Heaven, Iowa: This song is a love song and to me it's their love song and that's just all I have to say actually hahahaha.

Okay, this was quick, I'm sure people have more! The joy is how ambiguously the lyrics can all be interpreted.

[disneyanddisneyships]

@gyubby99 I like causing pain.

Warnings: mentions of drugs, alcohol, cheating, and depression

Aponi drank a bottle of beer as she read the Pamphlet again.

"I had frequent intimate meetings with Linda Davis," it had read.

Over and over again.

She kept reading it.

Over.

And over again.

In her drunken state she threw the bottle in anger.

It hit the wall, smashing to peices as tears rolled down her face.

Her phone lit up with a text from Valentino.

Val: E canceled on me. Somethin about reveling in your misery. You have her time if you can get off your ass and pull yourself together.

Aponi: be there in 20

Val: good. Sing somethin sad. We've been getting more asking about a sad song.

Aponi rolled her eyes and threw the Pamphlet onto her bed before taking a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes out.

She left her apartment.

..........

Aponi walke dinto the back of the club, her head pounding as she took another cigarette out of the pack.

It was her 4th one.

"'Poni?" Angel asked as he saw her. "The fuck happened to you?" He asked.

"Haven't you heard? Alastor's been sleeping around with a little bunny," Aponi replied before getting dressed.

"He fuckin WHAT?!" Angel asked, his features fuming.

Aponi nodded before snatching a performers cocaine, snorting it quickly before straightening herself out.

"Hey.... 'poni you.... I've never seen you do..... drugs...." Angel muttered, worry on his face.

"Whatever. I'm up," Aponi stated before wlaking onto the stage.

The music started.

Aponi had told Val that this was the song she wanted to sing next time she got to, so clearly he made it happen.

She took a breath before starting to sing.

I got no excuses for all of these goodbyes Call me when it's over, 'cause I'm dying inside Wake me when the shakes are gone And the cold sweats disappear Call me when it's over and myself has reappeared

She sang as she threw the cigarette that was in her hand, down onto the floor, stepping on it so it went out.

She knew the song, but she felt if she didn't stop singing it, she'd just break down into a million pieces.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why I do it every, every, every time It's only when I'm lonely Sometimes I just wanna cave and I don't wanna fight I try and I try and I try and I try and I try Just hold me, I'm lonely

She sang some more, wrapping her arms around herself as a tear ran down her face for the first time since the Pamphlet.

.......

Deborah walked into the club.

E usually came here to spy on her daughter.

Which worked out really well tonight, seeing that she was on stage.

Deborah smiled softly before taking a seat. However, as she listened to the lyrics, her smile faded.

......

As aponi looked out she saw her mom. And that's when she broke.

Momma, I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore And daddy, please, forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor To the ones who never left me, we've been down this road before I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore

As Aponi sang, tears fell fown her face, her voice practically raw with emotion.

Deborah looked at her daughter, worried, but keeping her distance.

I'm sorry to my future love for the man that left my bed For making love the way I saved for you inside my head And I'm sorry for the fans I lost who watched me fall again I wanna be a role model, but I'm only human

She sang as she took off the stupid promise ring Alastor had given her, throwing it to the dogs as they all scrambled to get the expensive jewelry.

As she sang, she watched a few regulars walk out of the club, making her feel even worse.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why I do it every, every, every time It's only when I'm lonely Sometimes I just wanna cave and I don't wanna fight I try and I try and I try and I try and I try Just hold me, I'm lonely

Her face contorted.

It was angry as she sang a few lyrics.

How could he do this to her? After 8 years....

Momma, I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore And daddy, please, forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor To the ones who never left me, we've been down this road before I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore. I'm not sober anymore

As she sang, she took the microphone and walked to the front of the stage, sitting down curled in a small ball.

She looked at her mom, before turning away in shame.

I'm sorry that I'm here again, I promise I'll get help It wasn't my intention, I'm sorry to myself

As she finished the song the lights went out. She walked off stage like she usually did, and walked straight into her dressing room, curling up on the couch.

A knock sounded on the door.

"Go away, Angel!!!!" Aponibyelled as she wiped the tears from her face.

But the door opened to reveal her mom.

"M-mom?" Aponi asked, shocked as she tensed up.

"Hey Bug...." Deborah muttered.

"Listen, I knownim a big fuck up, but i would really prefer if you didn't tell me 'I told you so'" Aponi stated with a sniff.

Deborah sighed and walked briskly over to her daughter, hugging her from the side.

"Ohhh Lillian.... honey, I know it hurts...." She said in a quiet whisper before pulling Aponi so she was cradling her like a child.

That's when Lilly broke down.....

"I loved him mom," Lilly sobbed as she held onto her mother.

Deborah rocked back and fourth, shushing her.

"Oh honey, I know..... I know you did," She muttered as she stroked Lilly's hair gently.

"Why can't I find love like you and dad did? Why am I so easy to leave and cheat on and fuck up? Why am I so broken?" Lilly sobbed even more.

"Shhh shhhh... baby, you're not broken... other people are... you just.... you just need to find the right person, bug," Deborah replied as she kissed her daughter's head.

[alexisnotstraight]

My Chemical Romance for Blender, april 2005 by Dorian Lymskey

"We're here to fight evil"

If death rockers My Chemical Romance say they're superheroes, then who is Blender to argue? we just don't remember Spider-Man having so many problems with drink, drugs and swearing in front of kids.

One day last august, Gerard Way boarded a plane to Japan with the grawing conviction that the might not be coming back. Over the past past year, the old singer for the rock group My Chemical Romance had got it into his head that he had to be drunk to perform, and then needed Xanax to switch off his brain afterwards, and the cumbination was making him suicidally depressed. Way didn't like being suicidally depressed, so he'd often add cocaine to the mix. That's when his mood really got black. He spent the days before the flight saying goodbye to friends in New Jersey, just in case

In Japan, Way spent all his time drunk. Before the final Tokyo show, he got so trashed on Heinekens and vodka tonics that he realized, even as he was performing, that he wouldn't be a able to remember anything about it the next day. After he came off stage he spent half an hour throwing up in a garbage can, until there was nothing coming up except bile. Tonight, be thought to himself, his hair caked with womit, I've drunk my last drink.

"It was a vicious circle," he says matter-of-factly. "I needed it to function but it made me want to kill myself. It made me extremely unpredictable and dangerous to myself. I didn't want it to get to the point where it became like a VHi Behind the Music where they show this seally had picture of me 30 pounds overweight, throwing up on the floor in Berlin. I didn't want that to happen to this band".

Way's cold-turkey fight back to the band's home of Belleville. New Jersey, was escruciating-almost 7.000 miles of skin-crawling, sweat-soaked willies. "I got really emotional outside the airport when we landed. I didn't know if I was going to see these guys again." He went straight to his therapist and booked into Alcoholics Anonymous, knowing that in the same week My Chemical Romance had to replace their drummer, fiim a video and start their tour. And you thought you'd had a hard week at work.

"We got through the hard shit," says Way. "This is the easy part".

Any fears last summer that My Chemical Romance were going to implode into obscurity were knocked flat by their swaggering teen-dysfunction anthem "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)."

Inspired by the high school experiences of Way and his friends, it delivers angst-rock verities with a knowing wink, not to mention the kind of melody that ignites careers. The tongue-in-cheek video, filmed in the same L.A. high school as Donnie Darko, depicted MCR as proudly geeky misfits. It was a role that didn't require much rehearsal.

Way calls My Chemical Romance's music "death rock." Others have tagged it goth punk or emo. Some endearing individuals have overcome genre confusion by simply calling MCR faggots. "Our guitarist Frank met somebody who said, 'How do you feel when people stop liking your band because they find out you're gay?" says Way, curling his lip with pointed amusement.

To the more meat-headed members of the Warped tour fraternity, some eyeliner and the occasional ambivalent lyric (in "You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison, Gerard sings "I'll kiss your lips again" to a male character) are too much to process, but Way hopes MCR can change a few minds.

"We've always tried to switch the way people think about rock bands," he says. "That [lyric] puts a dividing line between people. Are you on our side and you want to be different or are you on that side and you want to throw a football at my head?".

Only a morbid former comic-book artist from blue-collar New Jersey could have hatched a band as toughly unorthodox as My Chemical Romance. Gerard Way writes the songs with his bandmates -his bassist brother Mikey Way, guitarists Ray Toro and Frank lero, and new drummer Bob Bryar-but the vision is all his. He illustrates the record sleeves and defines their image. Recently he chose matching shirts, ties and armbands for the band to wear in the video for "Helena." taking enormous care not to resemble (a) the Hives or (b) the Nazis.

Most important, he's the one who assembled the band back in late 2001. when September 11 jolted him out of his rut as a struggling illustrator. On their 2002 debut album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, and last year's Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, MCR yoke the thunder of punk to the black humor of Morrissey, Nick Cave and Tom Waits, and blaze with purpose.

"There are bands that are in it for the wrong reason, polluting the airwaves and filling their own pockets," Gerard growls. "Or just saying. Oh I wanna be a rockstar. Right. You've got a lot of kids following you. What are you saying to them?"

So what are MCR saying?

He's ready for this one. "We're saying it's OK to be messed up. There's other people just like you. And if we stick together we'll get through this."

When Gerard was still working in comic books, his favorite creation was The Amazing Goffo Brothers, Piano Movers Extraordinaire. A black comedy set in a creepy, anonymous city, it was a metaphor for the relationship between him and his younger brother, Mikey.

Despite their age difference (Gerard is 27: Mikey is 24), the Way brothers wore matching outfits as children. Today, the Ways arrive at a Midtown Manhattan restaurant wearing identical black jackets, but that's the only visible similarity.

With his blood-red tie, ink-black hair and snow-pale skin, Gerard looks part Jack White, part Edward Scissorhands, and sounds as if he's been hanging out at the Bada Bing! club. His stick-thin sibling, meanwhile, wears oblong-framed glasses and the kind of candy-striped wool hat favored by fourth-graders and fashion stylists. He has the most extraordinary laugh: a shrill, girlish giggle that causes waiters to turn their heads.

They grew up in the predominantly Italian-American town of Belleville, in Sopranos country the Pizzaland restaurant glimpsed in the show's opening credits is a few blocks from the house they still live in with their auto-mechanic dad and hairdresser mom. In Jersey, says Gerard, "There's a 99% chance you're not going to do anything with your life." Mikey yelps with pretend outrage.

"Well, 90%, maybe," his brother concedes in a deadpan drawl. "Every time I come back to Jersey, it's ready to put its tentacles all over me and suck me right back in. If I'm home for more than three weeks. I forget I'm in a band. I start to fill out applications for supermarkets."

Is there anything good about the Garden State?

"I think it gives you a bleak outlook on life, which is awesome," says Mikey, cackling. "It gives you an edge. When you're from Jersey, people act like you're from Rikers.

Gerard nods. "Sometimes all we have to do is get up there, make some feedback and say, 'Yeah we're from Noo Joisey,' and then hit 'em like a bomb. People are like, 'Hey, I don't want to get beat up!"

After high school, Gerard studied art and Mikey drifted his way through college: "I thought college was a place you went to find people to be in a band with." Sometimes they played in bands together, but Gerard was more committed to becoming an artist, which was proving to be a disheartening process. When he eventually quit, his big project was a magic cartoon chimp called Breakfast Monkey. "I was doing bullshit," he shrugs.

After September 11, Gerard wrote his first song. "Skylines and Turnstiles," and played it to an old friend, drummer Matt Pelissier. Pelissier knew a guitarist called Ray Toro. "They played me their one song and I was jumping around the attic and headbanging," says Toro, a genial, frizzy- haired film buff with a caricature of Alfred Hitchcock tattooed on his left arm.

"Gerard sounded really sincere about wanting to start something real. That's what made me excited."

The members of My Chemical Romance aren't especially weird-it's not like any of them collect skulls or serial killer memorabilia-but they all grew up with reasons to feel like outsiders.

Toro was a shy kid with an overprotective mother. Instead of going out with friends, he'd stay at home playing guitar to Jimi Hendrix or Metallica. Guitarist Frank lero suffered from bronchitis and ear infections and was ill almost constantly until the fifth grade. He was raised by his mom after she split from his dad, a musician who worked on records by John Lennon and Kiss. "I'm in the family music industry," he says. "My dad would ask me how school was, but mostly it was, 'When are you going to start playing?".

Jazz-trained drummer Bob Bryar was an Illinois kid "who took apart radios and stuff and then tried to put them back together and realized they didn't work." He has a dark sense of humor that can sometimes come off as surliness. "I get these urges to fuck off sometimes," he says. "I find it hard to entertain myself."

Bryar befriended the rest of the band in 2003, when he was a soundman for the Used, whom My Chemical Romance were supporting. When relations with Pelissier deteriorated, he stepped in. The new lineup had just two days to practice before their next tour.

"I haven't relaxed in a long time," sighs lero. "I look forward to that. I'd like to take a step back and look at some newspaper clippings."

The next morning, the sky is the color of a dirty washbowl and it's being emptied on New Jersey. Brian Schechter, My Chemical Romance's manager, taps at his cellphone as he steers his car through the damp, gray streets to pick up the Ways. We collect Mikey first.

"Did you see that MTV.com headline?" he asks, still wearing his striped hat. "MCR Aim for Smashing Pumpkins Status. It was out of context, but it's OK makes people think it's possible."

The band's destination is Philadelphia's Theatre of Living Arts. A local radio station held a competition between high schools to raise the most food for homeless shelters, the prize being an exclusive My Chemical Romance show. Considering the audience will be as young as 13. some adjustments need to be made. "We should probably have a PG show tonight," says Schechter. "We didn't do a show for charity just for Gerard to call them a bunch of motherfuckers."

It's a forlorn hope. "Put your fucking hands together!" cries Gerard within minutes of stepping onstage. In a black-velvet suit, red tie and black armband, he struts across the stage, wagging his finger to the lyrics or spraying mouthfuls of water over the front rows, while his band compress punk, metal, goth and glam into furiously concise pop songs. When he introduces "Headfirst for Halos" as "a song about suicide," you can almost feel the ripples of concern from the adult chaperones lurking around the edges of the room. However, even they can't resist tapping a toe to "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)." Last night MCR played it on The Late Show With David Letterman. Tonight they're playing it to a couple hundred Philadelphia high school kids. Letterman was a highlight of their career to date, but it's here that the song makes most sense.

"I didn't do my usual thing, where I compare high school to prison," protests Gerard later, sucking on a cigarette in a dimly lit backstage office. He admits he can see how people might get the wrong idea about MCR. "Journalists usually portray us as a fucked-up, dark, vampire. alcoholic rock band. Until they meet us."

Although he's got the charisma and the goth pinup looks to be an angst-rock martyr, Gerard seems too grounded to play the feel-my-pain card. Maybe it's the Jersey in him. Even when he talks about his therapist (a "rad guy" who turned him on to Brian Eno), he's pragmatic.

"If you're in this band, you're in it for the right reasons," Gerard declares. "You're not in it for money or fame. You're in it to do some good. Becoming more popular, it's like people are granting us superpowers and we have to use them to fight evil."

Is that the comic books talking?

"Oh yeah," he says, his grin a pearly sliver in the gloom. "We're like the Doom Patrol."

[spookyteeth]

MEET THE ARTIST

been a fan of SOAD for 14 long years,,

PLEASE ask me about mcr, danger days/ttlotfk/national anthem, hatsune miku, my oc's, soad, or honestly warrior cats (big part of my middle school life, i have + read all the arcs and some extras) !!!!!

yo, whats up? my name is spookyteeth!

i'm a sfw multi-fandom artist and sometimes i talk about things that happen in my everyday life. i definitely hop from hyperfixation to hyperfixation, so there may be a bunch of different artworks.

i mainly use tumblr for my own use of fanart, shitposts, art dumps, and short comics.

oh and i'm happily married to my wife, @cesar-the-salad is my wife fr. (platonic, but still my pookie, trust)

IMPORANT SHIT

☆ basic DNI, i would like this to be a safe place for everyone.

☆ i have every right to ignore asks/requests that make me feel uncomfortable or that may seem malicious.

☆ i'm like almost 5teen so pleasseeee don't be a creep around me. reminder, minor!! i've blocked people before and i'll block people again, don't test my tolerance.

☆ i'm cool with artwork of mine being used as pfps, being posted onto different platforms, or anything being used for something that is mine as long as credit is there.

SENDING ART REQUESTS

!! i DO take requests on drawings via ask box! but i MAY not act on it immediately due to my tight schedule !!

i'm more likely to draw things im into, so like if you have a mcr, ptv, or chappell roan request please send them i want to draw my goobers

the more detailed request the better (makes things really funny)

ex: mikey way on a unicorn with a jester hat

art requests are for fun, they're not commissions, don't expect them to be my best work !!!

OTHER SPACES TO FIND ME ON !!

character.hub

artfight

spotify

[reasonsmandy]

Your special someone

Eddie Roundtree × Fem!Reader

✧.* requested by anon — Hey could u possibly do an imagine with Eddie where y/n is graham and Billy’s sister and she just tours with the band and like one day she’s just sitting out on her own lowkey on the verge of tears cause she’s scared of what Billy’s becoming with his addiction so Eddie sees her and holds her and they have a moment and start to get closer and more touchy with each other (cuddly) and when billy goes to rehab her and Eddie take a trip together to wherever (you decide) and then Eddie confesses that he’s in love with her and she also confesses? You can add whatever u want but that’s just the general basis of it.

✧.* summary — Your brother's addiction to drugs made you more and more worried about him, you looked for a way to make him better, and in that moment of anguish the person who supported you the most was Eddie. And over time your relationship grew into something more.

✧.* warnings — mention of drugs, addicted Billy, maybe some mistakes in the timeline of the book (sorry about that).

✧.* word count — 2.4k

✧.* 🎸 — Eddie's masterlist

✧.* mandy's notes — I love writing declarations of love, this one made my heart warm. Hope you like it <3

Being the sister of two rockstars was the biggest wish of all those people who were screaming for The six out there, but for you your brothers were much more than rock stars, they were what kept you sane, your foundations. Billy, Graham and you were always very close, and since you were little you always took care of each other.

Your love for them was something so big that you didn't have words to explain, even with all the mistakes - especially Billy's - you weren't able to stay upset with them for long.So when they told you they were going to LA to further the band's career your heart almost broke at the thought of being away from them for so long. You then talked to your mother and with the help of your brothers you convinced her to let you go with them.

Being with them throughout this trajectory filled your heart with pride, you could hardly believe that at that moment you were backstage at one of their concerts that was sold out. Words weren't enough to express your pride in them, and seeing them wearing the clothes you made was even more rewarding.

However, as unfortunately not everything is always happiness, you had spent the last days of the tour extremely worried about Billy. The last few days he was clearly overindulging in drugs and booze, even bringing you flashbacks of your father… The fight with Camila had sparked a much bigger drug craving in the older Dunne, he couldn't seem to stop and it was more and more visible.

Graham Dunne: Y/N tried to warn me, but we didn't really understand what addiction was back then. I thought he would recover with time, that it was just a relapse.

Y/N Dunne: I knew he was in bad shape, I didn't recognize my brother anymore... And if I'm honest with you, I was terrified.

Billy was once again snorting another line of cocaine, and watching your big brother do this made your heart clench in frustration.

"Billy, don't you think it's enough?" Concerned, you approach him, touching his shoulder.

"Are you my mother now?" He says rolling his eyes, pulling away from you. "I know when to stop, you don't have to take care of me."

He says as he walks away from you, staggering a little while feeling the effect of what he used. Not knowing what to do, you sit down, worried about what it all could cause later, the consequences of it all. They had just played the last song, the crowd's celebration was thrilling, and you knew you couldn't stay to watch your brother tear himself apart like he always did at the end of every show.

So you decided to take some time alone, you needed to think about how to help him, and since Graham didn't want to instruct you or at least think of something to solve it, you felt helpless… It wasn't like you could call your mother for help, after all she was in Pittsburgh and Billy was old enough for her to be able to force him to stop.

Eddie had become one of your best friends over the years, you were very close and he knew your concern for Billy and how it was affecting you. He had thought and even tried to talk to Billy about it but as usual he didn't listen to the blonde, so all he could do was try to calm you down, make you feel better.

As soon as Roundtree comes down from the stage, his eyes look for you, when he notices your absence he starts to worry because he knew that you always liked to be there at the end of the shows to congratulate them.

"Warren, have you seen Y/N?" the bassist asks.

"No man, did something happen?" Rojas asks, noticing his friend's worried expression.

"Thank you" he says not answering the drummer's question, heading towards the open part of the place hoping to find you there.

It was already half past midnight, the moon lit the streets along with the streetlights and you cried when you thought about the state your brother was in, it's very difficult to see someone you love with all your heart and soul in a situation like that, and the fear of losing him became more and more alive in you.

You sobbed while letting the tears escape, it was as if you were getting rid of, or at least trying to, a weight that had tormented you for many days. You wanted to have the solution for Billy, you wanted to be able to help him but your hands were tied.

Eddie saw you sat with your hands on your face, his chest tightened to see you sad like that, he cared about you in a way he couldn't explain and he hated when anything made you feel bad. The bassist was in love with you for a long time, he loved every detail about you and would probably do anything to see you well.

He approaches you slowly, expecting you to notice his presence, but you didn't. Roundtree reaches out his arm to poke your shoulder, You wipe your tears in an attempt to hide it from whoever was there, but when you notice it was him you smile weakly shaking your head, showing him that you weren't fine… that you needed him there.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" He whispers, waiting for your confirmation.

"Of course Ed'' You reply, holding out your hand for him to take, which he does.

"I hate seeing you like this…" He says, lacing his fingers through yours. "What can I do to help you, love?"

You smile at the nickname, you two had this way of treating each other which you decided not to name, you had a relationship that with all the characteristics could be called loving, but the two of you for some reason didn't want to risk making things different by talking about.

You were very affectionate with each other, hugs, nights sleeping together, cuddling and sometimes some make out sessions.

"I wanted so much to help him Eddie" Without holding back the tears you say, laying your head on his shoulder. "I hate seeing him like this, I feel so useless"

"Oh my love, you do your best for him" He says, enveloping you in a hug where you knew you could feel safe. "If you want I can help you with that idea you had"

Last night while you were in bed, you told Eddie your idea to call Teddy Price to help Billy, you were sure he would listen if it was Price who told him to control himself. The only problem is that you had no contact with him, and you had no idea how to get in contact with him without Billy knowing.

You watch him closely, the tears in your eyes started to fall you felt so supported by him, you know he would always be there for you. Relieved you let out a sigh, hugging him tighter. He hugs you back, stroking your back assuring you as much as he can that he'll be always there for you.

"You can count on me for whatever you need." He says, placing a kiss on your head. "I'll talk to Warren, he might know his number or where he is."

"I don't even know how to thank you." Eddie noticed that you were much more relieved the more you talked.

"I know…" He says smiling, you take your gaze to him. "Let's rest? I want you to be at peace with all of this, I'll sort it out. Do you trust me?"

"With my life" You smile, planting a kiss on the bassist's cheek.

…

It had been a few weeks since Billy had been in rehab, and although the fact that he was away was something that made you anxious you knew it was for his own good and that was enough. With Billy's absence the shows were cancelled, and they had to pass back the money the record company gave them, and with this free time you all took the opportunity to take a break before looking for any job.

Warren was obsessed with the boats that were around there, and he didn't spend a day away from the beach to have any chance of getting on one. Graham spent half his time with Karen, and although they swore no one knew about them, you knew your brother… you knew he was madly in love with her.

And you were now packing your bags for a trip with Eddie, you didn't have a lot of money for an extraordinary trip, but when he told you the idea of ​​going to a cabin just the two of you your eyes lit up with excitement. Eddie and you were in that friends-with-benefits thing, and although you wanted to make it official the fear of losing him spoke louder, after all Eddie was a rock star and rock stars didn't date seriously, you thought.

So besides the invitation to the trip that took you by surprise, you couldn't wait to be alone with him enjoying each other's company.

"Are you ready beautiful?" He asks, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Almost Eddie, give me just a second" You open the closet, taking a few more things to complete your checklist. "Now I'm ready."

You turn to him, smiling with excitement the blonde places a kiss on your lips and looks you from head to toe

"You are wonderful..." He takes your hand, heading towards the exit with your bag in the other free hand.

After an hour of travel you arrived at the cabin, it was very cozy and would certainly be a great house for you that weekend. Inside, the decor was super characteristic, several vinyl records hanging on the walls, a fireplace with some armchairs around it. Upstairs is just the suite where you were going to sleep, you went up the stairs excitedly throwing yourself on the bed.

"Eddie this is amazing! I'm in love with everything here" You take your gaze to the window behind the bed, which had a wonderful view of the forest and lake beyond you.

"I'm glad you liked it my love" He lays down next to you on the bed, holding your hand he brings it to his mouth to kiss your knuckles. "It's always good to get away from problems with you"

You turn onto your stomach, looking tenderly at the blonde he smiles as he takes a closer look at your face, he was madly in love with you.

"If I could I would stay with you here forever" You approach him, kissing his nose. "So what? What are the plans for today?"

You and Roundtree had spent the afternoon enjoying each other's company, you danced together, he played a few songs while you ventured out to sing a little, then you decided to prepare things for dinner. And now, with only the moonlight illuminating you, the two of you were sitting in the cabin's backyard.

Just you and the noises of nature, you were sharing a bench you snuggled between the bassist's legs getting a cuddle from him, keeping your eyes closed. Eddie watches you, not believing that someone as wonderful as you was there with him, he didn't believe he was the lucky man who had the chance to hold you in his arms.

However, the thought that you could be with anyone else came to the blonde's mind after all... You weren't official. He knew you wouldn't do something without talking to him first, he trusted you, but the thought that someone could have the courage he didn't have to declare himself to you made him despair.

"I need to tell you something" The bassist says, making you open your eyes and watch him carefully.

"You can say it, I'm here for you." You say, smiling in an attempt to calm the boy who had a rapid heartbeat at this point. "You know I won't judge you or anything…"

"Y/N I can't pretend this doesn't affect me in a different way anymore" He lets out, making you startle at his choice of words.

"What do you mean?" You shift in the chair to look into his eyes.

"I can't pretend that I'm not in love with you baby." He concluded, now making your heart skip a beat. "I am in love with every detail that shapes you, I'm crazy about your smile, you're the most talented person I know, and also the kindest person ever...I mean, you can be nice to Billy! This is the hardest thing a human being can do."

He says making you laugh with the last sentence, slapping the bassist on the shoulder saying non-verbally "hey, that's my brother!"

"There is no one that makes me feel the way you do, and you know I'm terrible at showing what I feel, and even worse trying to put my feelings into words, but when it comes to you… fuck, Y/N! I can change the world just to see you smile" He says, bringing his hands to your waist, seeking closeness. "And I would never forgive myself if I let the best person in the world slip through my hands without even saying how I feel. I love you so much"

You can feel a few tears form in your eyes, an involuntary smile appears on your face when you hear those very beautiful words. Eddie Roundtree was the man that made you sigh, in many ways, he was the man that made you feel special, that made you feel safe, he was the person that would not only be there to help you, but to give you support in everything you set out to do. He was your special someone.

Without wasting time you end the distance between you with a kiss, your hands go towards the bassist's neck from time to time taking your fingers to the man's hair, he kisses you tenderly like he wants it to last forever, like he doesn't want to feel you far away anymore.

"I'm crazy for you Eddie" You confess, your foreheads were together while your eyes were closed. "I love you, and I'm in love with you too baby."

Y/N Dunne: Well, Billy was in for a big surprise when he got back from rehab. *Laughing* He was jealous for sure, but he knew deep down that there was no one who made me feel better than Eddie.

Eddie Roundtree: What can I say? I'm in love with her.

...

Hi, I hope you enjoyed it... If you wanted to ask for something my requests are open, and if you want to ask and don't have any ideas check out my prompt list :) xoxo

Want to be tagged when new stories come out? REASONSMANDY'S TAG LIST

[hesitantvampirealien]

im bored so I'll try to guess something about you based on your favorite mcr + hesitant alien song (>>unserious!!<<)

I'm not gonna do all of them, just whatever song that comes to mind, so I'll probably miss a couple. Just ask me about any that i missed if you want. please don't take it seriously

Bullets

cubicles - you hate your job so much that you need to be comforted

mirror - you suck dick for cocaine

early sunsets - youre gay

headfirst - youre gay and depressed

demolition lovers - youre a lesbian

our lady of sorrows - you're a minecraft player who forgets to sleep and has to kill multiple armies of phantoms every in-game week

Revenge

helena - elder gay

im not okay - gay and depressed (and probably still in high school)

the ghost of you - you're a visual artist under psychiatric treatment

prison - you're INHUMANLY FUCKING HORNY and gay (and kinky)

thank you for the venom - you get into physical fights but you lose them more than you win them

deathwish - you're angry at someone or something, and you're not gonna stop being angry so soon

cemetery drive - you're probably another elder gay but a little more emo and/or into mcr than the helena elder gay

i never told you - you're angry, depressed and absolutely fucked in the head (and gay), but you're trying.

The black parade

welcome to the black parade - you're may or may not be a normie but you're a cool normie at least

i don't love you - you're either aromantic and feels nice listening to it (like me) or you're suffering with a relationship breakup and this song makes you sob your eyes out

dead // the end + dead - you're fucked in the head but you're trying to either disguise it or to be funny about it

sleep - you're probably into some weird abstract shit like Nurse With Wound (I'm a nww listener so don't come after me fellow nww listeners pls im joking)

house of wolves - you and the prison gay are equally horny (bonus if you two had sex) but you're a bottom and you're probably into humiliation kink, spanking and being tied up/wearing a collar and leash

teenagers - you are SUCH a fucking normie i swear to god

famous last words - you're traumatized

mama - deadly dysphoria that fucks you up

Danger Days

na na na - you're cute

bulletproof heart - you're probably nerdy

sing - ☭

planetary - you're also fucked in the head but you're even better at tolerating the pain + you probably go out at night a lot

party poison - you're non binary, angry, depressed, neurodivergent and tired of people existing but you try to tolerate it

save yourself - you're an angry gay and you're probably a bit more of a punk as well

scarecrow - you're a slightly older gay taking care of a young gay (probably the I'm not okay gay)

summertime - you're a little older, scarred physically and mentally and ULTRA depressed

destroya - youre horny as fuck and you want a threesome with the prison gay and the house of wolves gay

the kids from yesterday - you're painfully self aware about your age and your adult life

Conventional Weapons

boy division - gay

gun - gay

kiss the ring - gay and horny

ambulance - gay

make room - gay and punk

tomorrow's money - gay punk and horny

the world is ugly - you feel like you're extremely ugly despite actually being absurdly pretty

the light behind your eyes - you're just as mentally fucked as i am. :)

bonus lol

every snowflake is different - you're what normies call a giga chad and you're probably like a god or something

Hesitant Alien

the bureau - you're baby

action cat - you're cute

drugstore perfume - you're cute but you're suffering

brother - same thing as the light behind your eyes

zero zero - please fuck me i'll even bend over on this table for you

maya the psychic - you're the cutest and you're baby (and you're probably a visual artist)

[haveyoulistenedtothisalbum-poll]

Tracklist:

Soldier Side - Intro

B.Y.O.B.

Revenga

Cigaro

Radio/Video

This Cocaine Makes Me Feel Like I'm On This Song

Violent Pornography

Question!

Sad Statue

Old School Hollywood

Lost In Hollywood

Spotify | YouTube

[dearanakin]

Give it to Me - Max Burnett x f! Reader

Summary: You and Max Burnett only meet for sex, but this time something is different. He called you, asking to meet him at his expensive apartment, because he had something for you. This is inspired on Gorilla by Bruno Mars. (You can play the song if you'd like)

Warning: 18+ smutt, explicit sex, unprotected sex, fingering, oral sex, minors DNI

Word count: 2.3k

Oh I got a bottle full of liquor with a cocaine

Kicker and I'm feeling like I'm thirty feet tall

So lay it down, lay it down

Max opened the door of his apartment for you, he rested his shoulder on the door frame, wearing a plain white shirt, sweatpants and a Rolex on his wrist. He gave you space to get in, and you left your purse on the table. You noticed he was holding a glass of liquor, half-full, his nose was red, and he was sniffing.

You knew what that meant and stared at his coffee table, a few stripes of cocaine had just been inhaled. Burnett felt like he was floating as the drug was kicking in. Without hesitation, he crashed his lips into yours desperately, pulling your hair with one hand while holding your hip with the other.

He led you to his living room and lay you on his carpet, getting rid of the glass. Still exploring your mouth with his tongue, you felt your stomach sink with the taste of the alcohol in his mouth.

He was drugged and drunk, but he still managed to treat you nicely and carefully. You pulled a strand of his hair out of his face and stared at his blue eyes, darkened after spending the last hour sipping and sniffing. He started to remove the shoulder straps of your dress, stroking your skin with tenderness.

Max didn't care to spend time there and just pushed the fabric down until your breasts came off. You heard him groan in an undertone, his eyes fulfilling with lust while his pupils dilated. He pulled one of your nips in his mouth while cupping the other with a cold hand, the touch made you shiver. He was nipping your skin with furor, making sloppy noises while sucking on it and kissing it.

He was rubbing his thumb on your other nipple, and you made muffled kitty noises under him. Burnett felt his cock throb inside his boxers and kept devouring your skin raw. Max started making a trail on your stomach, leaving love bites and kisses all over your body through your dress until he reached one of your thighs.

He only lifted the dress, unbothered to undress you. You noticed his eyes were red and had this lustful gaze you've never seen before. He made sure to mark your skin, and he squeezed it between his teeth before tearing your lingerie apart with them, and it made you squint.

He looked at you one more time before pulling your legs up to the ceiling, holding them before digging his face into your cunt. You used his shoulders to rest your legs and pressed them together as you felt a long strap of licking of his tongue into your folds.

Max didn't even have to use his saliva as you were so wet, so he used your own juices to make his way into your clit. He spent all his time and gave all his attention to your tiny button, biting and sucking the hell out of it, humming under his moans.

You got your legs up in the sky with the devil in your eyes

Let me hear you say you want it all

Say it now, say it now

You grabbed his hair with both hands while making loud noises, squirming and rolling your hips into his lips. Your brows furrowed, and your eyes widened as soon as you felt two of his fingers thrust between your walls without warning. Max knew better than yourself, that was one of your favorite kinks. Legs up spread, cunt open and wet for him to abuse you as much as he wanted.

But it was different today, he was thirty feet tall and wanted to fuck you mindless. He curled his fingers and found your sweet spot, groaning while eating you whole, his mouth making snap sounds over your clit. You pulled his hair and started thrusting into his face every time he would finger fuck you deeper, feeling intoxicated by the way he was eating and touching you this time.

He didn't want to stop until you came for him, he wanted to feel you pulsate under him until you beg him to stop. "I want it all of you, Max", you whispered, out of breath. You were feeling faint by the way you were trying to inhale all the air, but couldn't wrap your head around it. Your cunt was soaping his fingers, and the sloppy sound it was making let Burnett almost cum inside his boxers.

"That feel good, huh? You like it that way, my little slut?", he breathed into your skin, sucking hard on your clit. You arched your back on the carpet, and he sped up his pace. "I'm going to make you cum like you never did before".

This time everything was different. He usually wasn't romantic, but he liked vanilla sex sometimes as well. He wouldn't call you pet names, either, but it's not like he didn't like rough sex like that. The way he was eating you out for minutes gave you the realization he was willing to make you his sex doll. And you didn't care, because you didn't have a relationship.

Look what you doing, look what you done

But in this jungle you can't run

'Cause what I got for you

I promise is a killer, you'll be banging on my chest

Bang bang, gorilla

It was always pure lust, you knew he worked as a con, and you never agreed with that. He never needed you to accept it, though. You two met in the weirdest day, after he got all the money he was working on to have, you bumped into him. He dropped the bag, and it was heavy as fuck, you tried to pick it up, but he didn't let you.

Even after that, he learned in his gut he wanted to see you again. But he didn't trust anyone, he thought you'd eventually lie to him and take his money. He was obviously greedy as fuck when it came to money, and you only found out about what he did what he did because he let it slip away once.

You hated it at first, you didn't want to keep fucking some nonsense man who would fuck people over for money. But you liked him either way, you liked the way the treated you, even though you weren't sure what it was you had.

Yeah I got a fistful of your hair

But you don't look like you're scared

You're just smiling tell me daddy it's yours

'Cause you know how I like it use a dirty little lover

When Max sucked you harder, you snapped out of your thoughts with a loud moan and broke down, squeezing his head between your thighs, juicing his fingers. Trembling under his touch. You were panting, and your release grew bigger as he kept fingering you. You tried to hold his head back so he could stop overstimulating you, but he didn't.

He grabbed your legs from his shoulders and spread you open for him, leaving a large trace of his tongue into your folds, licking every drop of your liquid, savoring your taste between his teeth. It made you gasp for air as your walls kept throbbing even though you had just come for him. Burnett felt lightheaded when he stared at you, while sucking on his fingers still tasting you, humming.

He quickly dropped his sweatpants and his boxers, his cock slapped his stomach and he pulled you closer, turning you on your stomach, so you were on your fours for him. It didn't take long until he was fully inside you, his length being squeezed by your walls while he was throbbing inside you. He got a fistful of your hair on one hand while holding your ass with the other, whispering disjointed words close to your ear.

You felt his cock hitting your cervix and you whined his name, riding him. You could feel Max grunting and pulling your hair back until you rested your head on his shoulder. He managed to bite your jawline, leaving wet kisses around your neck, sucking on your shoulder.

"Fuck, you feel so good and tight", his voice was husky, and it sounded like a lullaby in your ear. He was rocking his hips on you so hard your skin was making loud noises through his loft. Max didn't let go of your hair and only pulled it harder, proving to you he had you wrapped around his fingers.

He made you groan when you felt his other hand rocking against your ass, and loved the sound you make when you get hit. He slapped your ass a few more times, thrusting into you until his tip reached your cervix.

"Oh, daddy. Yes, right there. Give it to me, you motherfucker", you purred under him and you felt his cock pulsate inside you. He just kept slapping your ass, amused to watch it giggle, and sped up his pumps.

He only stopped giving attention to your ass to grab you around your neck with a tight grip and hummed in your ear. He was feeling blissful and his eyes were burning with pleasure while fucking you mindless. "They're coming after me", he said. "I want to see you cum for me before they get here".

If the neighbors call the cops, call the sheriff

Call the swat we don't stop

We keep rocking while they knocking on our door

And you're screaming give it to me baby

Give it to me motherfucker

You thought he was delirious, his sex was feral and he was still holding his orgasm for long minutes. You weren't sure he was sober after all the alcohol and cocaine. You tried to ask who, but he continued. "I got betrayed, they turned me in". In between his words, all you could hear was his hips rocking against your ass and you were feeling too tired already.

"Let me fuck you right, baby", he said, gasping. He was almost out of breath and the air around you felt too thin. You changed positions, sighing so loud when you felt your core empty without his cock, and laid him on the carpet. Burnett was still holding his look at you with a different gaze. You sunk on him quickly, smashing against his thighs, and he groaned louder than ever.

You got closer to him, crashing your lips together, navigating through his tongue, and he cupped your face. You were riding him as fast as you could and he willingly thrusted into you further as if it would be possible to. You broke the kiss, holding his face with one hand. "What's gonna happen to you?". His balls were hitting you so hard it was making noises.

"I don't know, and I don't give a fuck. I just want to fuck you until I pass out", he breathed against your lips. You started twisting your moves around his cock, and he gasped, closing his eyes and hitting his head against the floor. "Fuck, you're so good".

You were fucking each other for several minutes when you heard footsteps in the hallway. He was right, they were coming for him. He also noticed the cops were approaching and quickly fucked you harder, his tip hitting your cervix as you started to clench around his length.

You were both giving each other wet kisses, exploring each other's tongues as your orgasm started hitting you like a grenade was exploding inside your body. You held your scream at the same time they started knocking on his door, asking for him. You were still trembling inside him, and Max was lustfully getting his own peak and he exploded inside you, splashing his cum around your walls.

He didn't care he was making a noise, he didn't care he so deliciously moaned as loud as he could, and he held your waist so tight it could break you.

I bet you never ever felt so good, so good

I got your body trembling like it should, it should

You'll never be the same baby once I'm done with you

You were still sitting on top of him when they started banging the door one more time. He took his time, cupping your face once again and kissing you, licking your lower lip with passion almost. He throbbed inside you, it was difficult for him to let you go, but it was time.

When you got up you felt dizzy, your heart was racing, your body was all sweaty and your head pounded. You fixed your dress, looking at Burnett as he was pulling his sweatpants up. You only now figured out why he didn't take his clothes off. He knew they were coming, it was only going to slow him down.

"Max Burnett, open the fucking door or we'll break it", the cop yelled. He looked at you, walked to a black bag and handed it to you. "I'm coming, I was in the shower", he said, never leaving your gaze.

As you opened the bag, you found yourself staring at a pile of money. "What is this?", you whispered. "Are you fucking insane?".

"I can't have it anyway. Take good care of it, make good use of it. There's a million dollars there", he explained, simply. "Now go. There's a backdoor close to my suite. I'll find you soon".

He gave you one last kiss as you headed to the backdoor he talked about. You didn't want to meet his eyes before you left. You didn't want to see him turning himself, but it's what he wanted to do. You watched as he opened the door and then immediately got handcuffed, looking forward. If he looked your way, he would be giving you up to them. Worse than that, he would give up turning himself in instead of running away with you.

[pixelatedquarter]

I am putting it out there that I may be wrong, but I think Pete mumbles, “you know you look good”. Patrick responds, “I don’t [meaning he doesn’t think he looks good] but they [the crowd] do!” Pete then says “I’m out” and throws one more glance at Patrick as he’s leaving

there’s so much tenderness and fondness between them. It’s absolutely incredible. Part of me wants to say, “what the hell is going on” but then again, we know what’s going on. It’s been 22 years

Yes! I think you, unlike patrick who did look so good that night!, are right, on both accounts. We keep getting hit with "no, surely not. what the hell did i just witness" but we have been witnessing for 22 years honestly.

That being said "Take it over, baby. [what a catch, golden] Look at you, play us a song, love. [side effect of the cocaine, what a catch] I've been reduced to the words you've used for me, you look specially good. You always look good. You know you look good. [tempted, i'm like a lawyer, golden]" was an insane sequence of riffs, they seem to have decided to ramp things up a bit lately and we're mid 2our, we get no breaks from them broadcasting their soulmateism to the world. But- it's been there all along.

Also Tempted? The about to be on tour so we list things while we dissociate and then add bits about cheating song? From songwriting duo which worked similarly to them and Patrick's citing as influence right then and there? Patrick what possessed you (we know exactly what possessed you: if the I In Lie's official explanation is to be believed, your 9 to 5 at mattel feels like cheating on FOB. If the explanation is not to be believed then- [loud truck passing by makes the rest of the sentence unintelligible])

[favoriteblogonthecitadel]

Six Song Soundtrack Game

Tagged by the beloved @isayashai !! I loved reading through the songs you picked <3 And I had my eye on this tag game, so tysm for tagging me!!

Rules: If tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following: 1. An event that defines your character's past 2. How your character sees themselves 3. How others view them 4. Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic) 5. A major fight scene 6. End credits song

Doing this one for Xiomara Shepard with her ME1 self in mind specifically. Song titles/lyrics below, and since I like how they sound together, here are all of them in a playlist :)

Atlas: Eight by Sleeping At Last

I remember the minute It was like a switch was flipped I was just a kid who grew Up strong enough To pick this armor up And suddenly it fit […] But I can't let you see All that I have to lose All I've lost in the fight to protect it I can't let you in

If you’re wondering, yes, I’m very normal about Earthborn Ruthless Shepard. Particularly normal about Xiomara getting recruited from a chaotic environment and tossed into the super rigid expectations of Alliance training — struggling with culture shock within that structure, until the moment she gets to put on armor for the first time. It just... feels right to be ready to fight things, any things she gets thrown at, and becoming a soldier gives her everything she needs to pursue that instinct. From then on she thrives on the skills and attitudes she learned as a child, because apparently gang and Alliance cultures have some commonalities (they both reward desensitization to violence and loss of the self to the best interests of the organization).

2. Sometimes by Gerry Cinnamon

Sometimes, just sometimes Well alright, maybe all of the time I'm on a false ego trip Well I'm a renegade of sorts I roam the concrete jungle Hunting idiots for sport And now the cocaine scene It picked me up and made me frown That's when joking says that music helps the medicine go down Hey, it makes you feel alive More like demons of the night Flinging powder up your nose It's the way the water flows Yeah that's the way the story goes

For a character who relies so much on confidence and aggression, her inner dialogue is a lot more grounded; resigned, even. She has a job, it’s dirty work, and she does it well while finding acceptable ways to cope with it (also questionable ones, but what's life without some risk?). She doesn't feel any particular inclination to change her lot in life, until she finds the Beacon and faces a Bigger Picture she wasn't ready for.

3. MONEY by The Warning

Moral code updates three times a year Truth that's dipped in gold is just as sincere I'll never ask for forgiveness I come with God as my witness I pray he'll wash my hands It's sad and true, and the world hurts Sold your soul that's how it works We're human after all Are you worth your weight in gold? Going once, going twice, sold It's all about that cold, hard cash, hon Ow!

This is how I’d anticipate a lot of people view the Butcher of Torfan turned Council Spectre (and the mere concept of a human becoming a Spectre, tbh).

4. L.A. Kid by Act As If (for Xo and Kaidan)

You were an L.A. kid You were fighting hard You didn't need no one To set you apart You took me by surprise And stars fell from the skies You say you lost your heart And the lights went on 'Cause when you saw me, it was gone It was gone, it was gone And now that I I've got you here My days are long But you know when I'm coming home Coming home, coming home

They’re in love, your honor. <3 Neither of them was expecting it or looking for it, but once they collide, they're home.

5. The Pretender by Foo Fighters (for the final battle with Saren)

I'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear I'm the face that you have to face, mirroring your stare I'm what's left, I'm what's right, I'm the enemy I'm the hand that'll take you down, bring you to your knees So, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend What if I say I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? You're the pretender What if I say I will never surrender?

Heyyyyy so what if we were narrative parallels in our relationship with the threat of obliteration? What if we were both ruthless and flawed but one of us felt like a Chosen One forced to minimize the damage of the apocalypse, and the other could give zero fucks about compromising with false gods? What if our final confrontation after months of mutual hunt happened in the room that ordained both of us into the same Vigilante job, and it was not just a physical fight, but a conversation about which of us is a hero and which is a puppet? What then?

6. Raise Hell by Dorothy

Gotta raise a little hell Young blood, run like a river Young blood, never get chained Young blood, heaven need a sinner You can't raise hell with a saint Young blood, came to start a riot Don't care what your old man say Young blood, heaven hate a sinner But we gonna raise hell anyway

It's just Xiomara vibes honestly, and it goes well with the mutiny thing near the end of the game!

[damonjuicyscock]

Playlist-Chapter 11: Acquiesce (90s Noel Gallagher X Reader)

Pairing: 90s Noel Gallagher X Reader

Warnings: language, a bit violent (a cricket bat if you know what I mean) a few spelling mistakes, maybe.

Words: 1681 (it's a bit shorter than usual, on purpose ;))

Summary: Oasis are in Rockfield Studios to record their second album. It goes well until Liam fucks up...

A/N: Heya Y'all ! Here's chapter 11 ! I hope you will like it. I chose Acquiesce as the song of the chapter to make it a bit ironic, knowing what happens in the chapter. I won't be publishing next weekend, I won't be at home. I'm going to spend Christmas with some members of my family, and I intend so enjoy this time with them.

Love y'all, have a BEAUTIFUL and SPECIAL Christmas and take care of yourselves !

Enjoy !

“Because we need each other We believe in one another And I know we're going to uncover What's sleepin' in our soul Because we need each other We believe in one another I know we're going to uncover What's sleepin' in our soul What's sleepin' in our soul».

In January 1995, Oasis fired Tony. The man was often fucking up during gigs, so they chose another drummer. That’s where Alan White, or Whitey as we all call him, made its appearance. And even if I was sad for Tony who had become a friend, Whitey was far better than him.

And he would be a great help for the new album. Because everyone, except him and I, was on cocaine or drunk most of the time, and he was really a great drummer.

May 14th 1995-Rockfield Studios:

Here we were in May 1995, in one of the studios that had welcomed good rock bands. Oasis were becoming iconic.

For what would become (What’s the story) Morning Glory?, Noel was constantly composing and writing lyrics until very late. Oasis were recording a song per day. Sometimes, I had to stop Noel for him to rest.

Though we also had good moments, like when we were playing football, when we watched the Blackburn vs Liverpool match, where everyone went crazy, like Liam who was playing with the extinguisher. It was our way of cheering, to have a laugh. Weird, but fun. After the match, Liam went to the pub. It was on May 14th 1995. I perfectly remember it, because this same night, Liam fucked up.

Noel and I were in studio. As per usual, he was writing a song, while I was smoking a joint, drinking a cup of tea and listening to music through the radio. At a moment, the radio broadcast Blur songs with the famous game “Whoever calls first wins tickets for a forthcoming concert.

I hated Girls and boys, Parklife wasn’t bad, but I liked To the end. I imagined myself dancing a slow with Noel. I unconsciously started to hum the melody, and I didn’t feel Noel’s gaze on me until the second chorus of the song and took my headphones off my ears.

What? I asked

Ye’re humming, I can’t concentrate. Even more when it’s a fucking Blur song. He answered

Oh soz. Huh… Don’t think I’m a Blur fan. I just like this one.

Ye’ve got the right to like what ye like. But I’ll start worrying when I’ll hear ye sing Girls and boys.

If it ever happens, kill me please. I said, laughing

Count on me. He chuckled

What’s the song’s name now? I said, indicating his guitar with my head

Champagne Supernova.

I’m all ears.

Noel smiled and played what he already had written.

I don’t know what you mean by “slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball” but I love it.

I don’t know what the fuck it means either, but I think it sounds great.

He put his guitar aside, holding out his arms to me. I put my headphones down, and I approached him and sat on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me before kissing me.

I’m proud of you, you know that? I said

Oh yea? I work hard, me.

Yeah. And I also think you work too much. You better let me take care of you on your birthday.

I’ll let ye do whatever ye want. He answered

And I could even start now… I said, seductively, putting my hand on his crotch

Oh, do it then…

But we didn’t have the time to even start, because Liam was back from the pub and I heard multiple voices, meaning it wasn’t alone.

He entered the room, followed by a man and two girls.

And here’s our kid, the chief and genius of this band.

What the fuck Liam?! Noel said

Uh-oh… I said

I stood up, so did Noel. They started arguing. Noel was furious. Liam wasn’t supposed to bring anyone here. So I approached his guests.

Guys, the party’s over, let’s go out.

They nodded and followed me outside.

I’m soz guys. It’s just that Liam isn’t supposed to bring anyone here. It’s Oasis’s workplace, and the band prefers to keep things private. But don’t worry, you’ll soon have an album to listen to, they work hard for this.

Thank you. We’re sorry, we didn’t know… Liam invited us to come, so we followed. The man said

You couldn’t have known. But here’s a thing for you, if ever cross Liam’s path again and he’s drunk. Don’t follow him. He’s a nice and cool lad but tends to do some bullshit when he downed a few pints. And at least, you’ll avoid Noel’s anger. He’s not angry at you, he loves his fans, but he needs privacy when making an album.

We understand. Thank you for telling us kindly. One of the girls answered

That’s perfectly normal.

They left, and I started walking back to the studio. As I was about to walk past the window, it shattered in front of me, the extinguisher flying through it and landing at my feet, making me scream in surprise.

Me guitar ye fucking knob! Noel shouted

Uh-oh… I said again, this time to myself

I ran back into the studio, trying to make my way through the mess and all the broken stuff, finding the brothers punching each other.

Hey, stop this! I shouted

They didn’t, and Noel grabbed what was close to him: a cricket bat. And just like that, he hit Liam over the head with it. Liam was stunned, and he fainted.

Noel! I yelled

He’s finally off me arse. Come on, let’s go!

Whitey who heard noises entered the room.

What the fuck happened here? He asked

I’ll tell ye, grab the car keys, we’re leaving. Noel said

No we’re not! We have to take Liam to the hospital! I answered, panicked, in front of Liam’s unanimated body

He’ll get over it. Come on before he wakes up, are ye comin’ or not? Noel said

No! Noel, we… we can’t go and leave him like this! You might have hurt him real bad!

I started giving gentle slaps on Liam’s cheek.

Did you hear m… I started

But Noel had left at the moment he heard my no. I heard the car engine start. Liam regained consciousness, and as if he was a fucking cyborg, he got up, and did like his brother. He jumped out the broken window, grabbed a dust bin and threw it at the car that was now leaving.

Ye fuckin’ coward! He yelled

I joined him outside.

Damn right, he’s one. I answered

Liam yelled like a 4-year-old in surprise when he saw me, causing me to yell with him as well.

Fer fuck’s sake, ye scared the shit out of me Y/N, I thought ye left with him.

I was next to you, you dumbass! Didn’t you see me when you woke up in Robocop mode?

No I fucking didn’t. And I’m no fucking Robocop, it’s just adrenaline!

I can believe that! You leapt to your feet and literally sprinted towards the car without a care in the world.

Soz Y/N.

It’s okay. Are you well? I asked, worried for him

Me head hurts.

Come on, let’s put some ice on this head.

*

Here. Put this on your head. I said, handing him a tea towel full of ice cubes

Thank ye. He answered, taking it and putting it on his head

It’s bad enough you don’t have a lot of brain cells, and that cricket bat probably didn’t do you any good.

Ha-ha, very funny Y/N.

To be serious, what has fucking got into you Li’? You knew it would make him furious. Why did you do that?

I wanted to have fun with me fans, me. I’m a man of the people.

I can understand that but bringing them to the studio clearly wasn’t the best idea.

I know.

You should slow down on pints and cocaine Li’. It doesn’t help you. You’re often fucking up because of that. And I’m only telling you because you’re like my little brother. And because Noel clearly isn’t the one who’s going to tell you this.

Ye might be right. Thank ye fer caring Y/N.

It’s okay. Now how about I roll us a joint, we smoke it, and we clean up this mess?

Good idea.

And tomorrow, our kid will hear me. Don’t worry about it.

*

May 15th 1995:

I was having breakfast when I heard a car come closer. I put my cinnamon roll on the table, swallowed what was left of it in my mouth and went outside. Noel and Whitey were back. And the worst thing in all that, is that they acted as if nothing happened. I crossed my arms together and waited for Noel to approach me.

Heya love! He said, coming to kiss me

I slapped him.

You fucking idiot! I yelled at him

OUCH! He answered, his hand on his cheek

Your little brother could have died! What were you thinking?! Happily it’s nothing serious, it’ll only feel like a hangover, but it could have been! Did you think about that Noel?!

Listen, I’m soz okay ? But he broke me guitar and he pissed me off!

And so? Is that a reason to smash a cricket bat on his head and leave like a fucking thief?

Huh… no…

You’re smarter than that Noel, come on! Don’t you ever do something like that ever again, understood? I softened

Yeah, I learned me lesson.

You better.

[forever-1895]

The Cigarette Duet and Since I First Saw Your Face by Stavia Scott Grayson (@artemisastarte)

Recently I heard a song called Cigarette Duet - and the lyrics really match Holmes' and Watson's drug situation in both Since I First Saw Your Face (and also the original works by Arthur Conan Doyle) so I simply had to share it with everyone ^^ Cigarette Duet is a song sung by Princess Chelsea, who sings the lyrics belonging to the cigarette addict (in our case, coke/morphine and Holmes) and Jonathan Bree, who sings the parts of the concerned lover/friend (Watson).

It's just a cigarette and it cannot be that bad Honey, don't you love me and you know it makes me sad

Just like Holmes telling Watson that the cocaine is fine and that it really helps him - clears his head, makes him think faster, whatnot - and Watson telling Holmes he feels hurt to see Holmes harming himself in this way...

It's just a cigarette and it harms your pretty lungs Well it's only twice a week so there's not much of a chance It's just a cigarette, it'll soon be only ten Honey, can't you trust me? When I want to stop I can

Watson asking Holmes about how often he takes the cocaine, and Holmes talking of how little he takes it and how he has complete control over himself 🥲

It's just a cigarette and I only did it once It's just a cigarette, it'll soon be only ten It's only twice a week so there's not much of a chance It'll make you sick, girl, there's not much of a chance It's just a cigarette, and I'm sorry that I did it It's just a cigarette and you'll be sorry that you did it Honey, can't you trust me? When I want to stop I can