#and this whole year has been... yeah. burnout year

[chdarling]

Question! Since we are coming up on the 1 year anniversary of the completion of TLE2, can I ask what percentage you have written for TLE3? No pressure, I am just genuinely curious!!

A whole year 😭😭😭

To be honest, I have written almost nothing, TLE or otherwise. It’s a source of great despair for me, but I’m trying to give myself some grace, because I’ve also been dealing with some health issues over the past year — actually, probably longer than that, I was just ignoring it. Quick side note from Auntie CH: go to the doctor, friends. Even if you think it’s “just depression” or “just burnout” or, god forbid, “just laziness” — go 👏🏼 to 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 doctor. It’s probably not just that, and there’s likely something they can do to help you feel at least a little better! Go to the doctor!! Even if you’re scared of them like me! Do it!!

I digress. I’m in the early stages of an upward trajectory (I hope), and I’ve already noticed that as my physical health starts to improve, the brain fog that has plagued me for the past year(s) is starting to clear, at least a little. So I’m hopeful that I can get back to working on TLE eventually, but yeah, it’s gonna be another minute. (and for the other asks that I haven’t answered yet, it’s definitely still not coming in 2025, sorry.)

Anyway, apologies for hijacking this ask to talk about doctors, but that upcoming anniversary has been very much on my mind of late and I’ve been angsting over it more than a little. I have to keep reminding myself that I will be able to write again, one day, but I have to get healthy before that’s able to happen. So that’s what I’m focusing on this year. 🥲

And to actually answer your question: I have no idea what percentage lmao. I have a bunch of random scenes written, and I know the general plot outline, but there’s a ton left to do.

Thanks for the ask and sorry I don’t have a better answer!

[silksongeveryday]

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 365!

1 year! One whole year of daily doodles!!

Honestly?? Idk how to feel, so much has happened since I first started this blog.

I guess I’ll just write what I’m thinking right now??

(Everything under the cut, this thing is longer than I expected)

A lot of this text probably isn’t going to make sense. I’m writing this at 1 am. If there’s any mistakes or errors that’s why. I’ll fix them in the morning maybe.

So like. This whole thing kinda started as a joke, I wasn’t intending to actually draw for a year straight lmao. Like I even used a completely different art style from my regular one that was simple, quick and intentionally dumb. Not that I’m upset by it, I’m actually quite proud of myself that I managed to stick to something for an entire year. That’s pretty unusual for me believe it or not. My original intention was to stop at maybe 20 days because I really wasn’t expecting for this blog to get as much love as it did.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so so much to everyone who has followed and supported this silly little idea I had, you guys are the biggest reason my experience has been so positive and worth it. (Sure it’s not original but I hope it’s at least been interesting!)

I’ve said this a few times now but I’ve mentioned wanting to take a break. I’ll admit that even though it’s been fun it’s still pretty tiring to keep up with this blog sometimes since some recent life events have made it so hard. After some thought, I’ve decided that I’ll likely take a break sometime in the coming months. Maybe toward day 400 or so. As of right now, things are at a lull so I’ve been okay enough mentally and physically to keep up this daily streak I think. Though this could change in an instant for whatever reason.

Overall I think my burnout has kind of gone away I think?? Or at least I’ve been reinvigorated recently after replaying a few runs of hk randomizer and steel soul. No promises it’ll stay away but I silly expect it to come in waves.

Ok but call me crazy or delusional or whatever, but my hopes are up that Silksong will release this year. (which means slowing down/not doing daily doodles yay) I genuinely believe big news is coming since I’ve been getting a lot of dreams lately about something happening with Silksong in March. Idk, I could be wrong but after doing this for a year I’m literally clinging onto anything right now lol

I’d obviously still make the occasional doodle or two when HKSS releases but not daily. This stuff is tough to keep up sometimes, I would never do daily posts like this again once it’s over

Oh yeah also I have an actual big drawing I’m still working on, expect that in sometime in the next few weeks I think!

Anyway, I can’t think of anything else to say right now so I guess that’s it for now!

Thanks so much and here’s to more doodles!

[kiwiana-writes]

Six(ish) Sentence Sunday

*taps mic, leans in carefully* This thing on?

(Thanks to @onthewaytosomewhere for the tag!)

So… yeah. It's been a minute, huh? I didn't write anything for literal months, and then I dragged my muse back kicking and screaming via Kinktober which I wrote and posted on the fly so never really had any WIPs to speak of, and now I guess it's time to actually take a peek under the hood of my neglected writing folder. FOR EXAMPLE, the Big Secret Collab with @indestructibleheart that I decided to add some Big Fucking Feelings to this week. I am so hype for this fic and for us to actually start letting you in on what we're doing, y'all have no idea.

For Henry, religion has always been intrinsically intertwined with appearance and duty. Religion in his family meant uncomfortable suits and the flash of camera bulbs, just to sit through a service that held no more spiritual significance than the assemblies back at Eton.  It’s different for Alex, he knows. Alex can go a year without ever stepping foot inside a church and not think twice about it, but as soon as he does, there’s a peaceful slump to the set of his shoulders as though he’s literally setting his burdens down at the door. Henry has heard Alex refer to himself as “extremely fucking Catholic, which to be clear, is not the same thing as being a good Catholic” on multiple occasions, usually in the midst of a rant about a company applying the Twelve Days of Christmas to the wrong dates or a misunderstanding of what the Immaculate Conception refers to. Alex’s Catholicism is wound into his DNA, one of the many strands that have made him the wonderful man that he is.  Until now, though, Henry doesn’t think he’s ever realised just how much of that is very specifically Diaz.

Tags below the cut, and you may notice I'm paring this list WAY back from what it used to be. Please keep tagging me in your snippets, I love seeing them! But the whole thing was feeling very rat race-y which was a not-insignificant contributor to my writing burnout, and I'm trying to take the pressure off myself a bit by not constantly stressing over whether I've left someone out.

Tagging @blueeyedgrlwrites @cactusdragon517 @celeritas2997 @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge

@cricketnationrise @dumbpeachjuice @everwitch-magiks @firenati0n @getmehighonmagic

@hgejfmw-hgejhsf @indestructibleheart @inexplicablymine @lilythesilly

@myheartalivewrites @nontoxic-writes @notspecialbabe @orchidscript

@piratefalls @rmd-writes @sherryvalli @sparklepocalypse

@stereopticons @thesleepyskipper @tintagel-or-cockleshells @welcometololaland @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play! 

[freeuselandonorris]

whats freeuselandonorris thinking these days

oh man anon that's a good question. i'm not entirely sure myself. felt like a bit of a weird hollow shell for the last few months due to Life Stuff and also just being crazy busy over the last month (admittedly mostly with nice stuff like going on holiday so i'm not complaining!)

i thinkkk i'm kind of sad that the landoscar era seems to be losing its shine for me a bit? which is largely just how my brain works but also is undeniably influenced by how toxic their respective fandoms are getting as the championship battle heats up and like, as much as i'm thrilled to see them both doing so well, i do kinda miss when the landoscar fandom in general was a bit more...harmonious? i've culled 99.9% of the actual drama from my dash but then you just see all the secondhand references to it and stuff and it just sucks the fun out of things a bit for me yk. and it's having an impact on the fic trends too (k @mecachrome's tracking of fluff vs angst in landoscar ao3 tags over the past year is FASCINATING) and idk i think i've just developed a bit of a weird aversion to seeking out new fics bc i want to just go back to the same few comfort fics all the time? so i'm probably missing some bangers but the desire just isn't there rn.

but yeah i think that combined with a general kind of anxiety burnout that's made me even worse than usual at staying on top of messages/inboxes and also my sex drive totally fucking disappearing for months (again, a reasonable anxiety/grief reaction but also one that feels really weird and upsetting to me whenever it happens because it's usually such an intrinsic part of my personality) has meant i haven't been feeling very freeuselandonorris recently 😔 BUT i am slowly trying to get back to the fun side of things and engaging in a way that feels enjoyable and manageable for me!

GOD sorry this was a whole fucking accidental vent post lmao

[seasonal-writes]

Hey there! So, it’s been a while. I have done a lot of thinking, some writing, some attempts—but I have come to the conclusion that I do not think I will be writing out the continuation and end of When Fate Finds Golden Rings. It took me a while to get to this point, and I'm so sorry to anyone who was hoping or expecting me to eventually come back to posting it on ao3. You know, you just.. don’t write on a fic for over a year-ish and surprise! Maybe you really lost the energy and passion for this piece after all. Which is okay. 

BUT. Instead,

Welcome to: Ro gives away the plans for the ending, rambles about that process, and gives other weird notes about their first big boy AU. Because I saw a post about bullet point-ing fic and realized I am, in fact, allowed to do that. 

Strap in because this is going to be a Big Post. Sorry in advance. And if it wasn't very obvious, um. Spoilers for When Fate Finds Golden Rings below the cut. <3

It’ll probably be starting at chapter 14. 

So, I want to disclose, before we begin: the ending is not totally up to my current standards as a writer. And this isn’t going to be me bashing my own creative process or my burnout or anything like that. I just feel like noting that… had I thought about the ending in more detail instead of flying by the seat of my pants, I think that it would be more put-together and interesting. I think that applies to the entire story, honestly. So. Yeah. If the ending falls a little flat, that is why. I was too busy daydreaming over my epilogue—which I will be talking about as well!! It's honestly my favorite aspect that came from continually thinking about the fic rather than writing it. LMAO.

Interestingly enough, I originally wrote that there were going to be at most like, 7-8 chapters left. realistically, that would probably not have happened. Considering this outline was in SHAMBLES, I can safely say it would’ve been a whirlwind last few chapters. sincerely, future Ro after writing out the mess you’re about to see.

The place where Joel, Lizzie, and Etho live was going to be the place where the ending took place. All the chapters in this “arc” as I'd call them—even though that’s not really what they are—were going to be here and were originally intended to be a deeper dive into Tango’s background. Since the first half of the story is really steeped in Jimmy’s world, it had only felt right to give Tango his own section and exposition as a character.

This was going to become the part of the story where it’s like, Jimmy and tango are in a more stable place for a moment so it gives them more time to reflect. It also would’ve given them time to be away from each other, which I thought was important for two guys who had been subjected to good ol’ forced proximity and were finally given little outs to be apart; i.e. Etho taking tango away for a day, Jimmy spending time with Lizzie and/or Joel. That was a chapter idea I had: both basically kinda being like: yeah! no! I can be alone. I don't miss him at all. not even a little. it feels weird without him here though, right- and just dealing with that. Plus the fear of getting caught, the fear of the OTHER one getting caught and not knowing. yeah. <3

Something I had planned on happening between Tango and Jimmy was that Jimmy was basically going to very much avoid his own feelings all around. He’s so attached to this guy, very much falling for him, and convinced that he is in the way despite it all. He’s kinda… under the impression that maybe he’s in the wrong for not wanting to stay, because OBVIOUSLY Jimmy knows better than to stay in one place like this after the whole journey thus far, when Tango seems so happy. So Jimmy, flawed as this idea is, just assumes Tango will be better off if he stays close to his home and Jimmy doesn’t want to make Tango feel like he has to keep running. The best way i can describe this is like

Jimmy: Man. Tango seems really happy here. I don't think he needs me. I bet he wants to stay. No, I'm not gonna ask him, that’s crazy. What I WILL do, however, is leave without telling him. 

and then he did. :) 

That was basically going to lead into a chapter where Jimmy is ~kidnapped~ on his way out of town by ANOTHER set of characters I was excited about: the mercenaries, Ren, Martyn, and BigB! Golden Rings!Ren is fun to me because he keeps the Red King aesthetic. For some context of why they exist: the three stooges mercenaries heard through the grapevine that if the two princes were captured and returned alive, there would be a big reward. I never actually decided if they’d been tracking Jimmy and Tango for a while, or if it was a coincidence that the reward went out and they happened to stumble into town. but all that matters is that Ren ‘n Gang are in fact successful, and smuggle Jimmy off to a camp somewhere along the road headed back to the palace with full intentions of bringing him home, with or without tango. 

behind the scenes, tango is actively losing his mind. so, fun fact here: I never actually…wrote down how this next bit happens. please forgive me i haven’t touched this outline in like a year and a lot has happened since then- but OoOoh wow! Tango manages to find him!! at the camp!! at night. please note here that golden rings!tango has reflective animal eyes. like cats at night when light shines on them? that’s tango. 

I had this whole scene planned where I would riff off the Tango Rage and make him go nuts on these guys. The funny thing is that Tango can’t really fight, but I think he would do an effective job on scaring the shit out of them and chasing them out of camp. Like, spooky story level shit—crackling twigs, snapping branches, etc.. At the end, Tango manages to untie Jimmy and they make a quick getaway back to town. 

When I tell you this was gonna be one exciting chapter after exciting chapter, I mean it. The next big part, dear rancher enjoyers, was going to be the confession scene. 

Basically, imagine. Tango and Jimmy are walking home. tango is really quiet, won’t look at jimmy except to make sure he’s still right there. There is a storm brewing in the sky, and they’re trying to get back as soon as possible. but suddenly, tango freezes in place. Jimmy gets a few feet ahead, but stops and turns when he notices tango isn’t in pace with him. tango looks hurt. more hurt than jimmy’s ever seen him. which makes Jimmy feel awful. and it’s like:

T: If you wanted to leave, you should have told me.  J: …Tango. T: If you wanted to leave, you should have come and told me. We are friends— a team, you've said it yourself. I would’ve been ready to go.  J: I wasn’t…I was hoping you wouldn’t follow me.  T: Why wouldn’t I follow you? J: I just thought it’d be easier on both of us if I left you to your devices here. I’m sorry.  T: You’re sorry? You think that’s gonna just- just make this better for me? After you just up and left me there, worried that you’d been taken back to your family? T: And- And you almost were, too! You were this close, Jimmy! If you were that scared of staying then- J: You know, there was nothing forcing you to come get me, I could’ve just gone and you could’ve stayed and lived the life you wanted back in the palace! I thought that was the plan! Freedom for both of us! T: ….You really just don’t get it, huh? Are you that dense? J: What? What don’t I understand? T: I am in love with you, you idiot! J: …You.. you what? [dialogue taken from the scene i started writing but never finished<3]

And then more things happen and then they KISSSSSSSS !!! 

Realistically, I want to note that the transition between here and the ending was very finicky and not written down. so, instead, i will be giving you a general run down of what the ending was supposed to be. 

With tango and jimmy now having confessed and acting upon those feelings, they think they’re safe for the moment. However, soon after, etho finds them and basically alerts them of an uptick of Nether Guard, having heard that the mercenaries reported their sighting and now, rather rapidly because ~portal transport~, the kings were sending search parties out once more. etho suggests they get out of the city, and the two agree, prepping quickly to leave what became a very good few allies and safe place for the roads once more. 

The day they are supposed to flee, the overworld’s royal party arrives; Grian heading the way, seeming to be the one sent to find his little brother. 

This part got really fuzzy for me because I don't think I ever actually plotted out the transitionary period between "you two need to run" and "we're running, it's bad."

What I do know, though, is that the final scene would’ve been a confrontation with Grian, who attempts to convince them to come home. but when Jimmy explains, begs his brother to try and understand (i also think he uses his secret relationship with Scar as a bit of an example. leverage, even); Grian eventually wishes his brother goodbye, and turns a blind eye to let them run. 

Epilogue: Tango and Jimmy, fittingly, escape to the countryside. When they eventually outrun search parties and the call for their return dies down, they settle on a tiny cottage out on a tiny farm with wishes to expand it and make it their own. Jimmy tends to the animals. Occasionally, he sends a letter under a false name, and he gets one in response; a brother, far away, still keeping him in on happenings in the kingdom and in his life. Tango dives into his redstone, creating and building and making things he never would’ve had much time to while being a king. He thinks of a guard, long left behind, and wonders if he thinks of him too. 

The two never marry, as marriage doesn’t leave a very sweet taste in their mouths—but they do make vows, whispered promises to stay together forever. A prophecy haunts them; but they were never really the type to obey any plan laid out for them, anyway. 

Some years later, a quiet life has been established—but one day, someone arrives. Tango has gone out to gather supplies, so when there’s a knock, Jimmy answers the door. 

Before him, there is a tall figure with a familiar set of eyes. Impulse, knight and ex-personal guard of the Nether Court, stands before him. When Tango returns to find him, a beautiful reunion is had; one with tears and relief and all the love in the world so present in one moment. 

GUESS WHAT !!! TANGO/JIMMY/IMPULSE CANON IN GOLDEN RINGS EPILOGUE!! IMPULSE COMES BACK TO HIS BOY AFTER ESSENTIALLY GIVING UP HIS GUARD POSITION BECAUSE IT’S NOT THE SAME!! THEY CAN BE SO SILLY TOGETHER NOW!! AAAAAAAAA I’VE BEEN WAITING TO SHARE THIS GOD-

please god someone ask me about this dynamic i’m not okay

And, yeah! That was kind of it for the story. As I said, it falls flat to an extent. It’s not the ending that I would give it today. I still wanted to share it, even if it wasn’t the best or most detailed. I love this story, I love this universe and its characters and all the work I did on it. I still want to think about it, talk about it, etc. I’m not letting it go completely, just.. the fic won’t be finished. I am of the firm belief that I could’ve done a lot of things differently, that the story could be even better if I rewrote it entirely. But that’s not a project for right now. :) Because holy shit this fic is at 65k and that would be… hoooo.. a lot of work. Just like picking it back up and finishing it would also be quite a bit of work. It’s hard—I’ve had people tell me just to do it, just to finish the damn thing for the sake of finishing it and not quitting. So, this is my version of that, even if it isn’t the same. I don’t feel like I’m quitting, I'm only a little sad about how it's ending for now, but it feels right. I’m just like 99% sure I won’t enjoy writing the rest out. And, like I said at the start, that’s okay. Passion and motivation changes. People grow.

Anyway, that’s all! Thanks for listening to my silly little ramble about this AU that is old but still lovely. If you guys have questions or wanna chat about the AU at all, my ask box is always open even if I am terrible at answering them. If I find anything else or think up anything, maybe I’ll post about it! But, for now, I hope you all enjoyed my sillies. I love everyone who set foot in this space and read what is still my most favorite fanfiction I've ever written. :)

[kyoukorpse]

Do you have any tips for drawing?

OKAYY this has been sitting for a while my apolocheese... i thiiink i might have answered a similar ask before (i did in fact) with some drawing tips... so this time i think i'll give some art advice on avoiding or coping with burnout <- guy who has spent most of its 20s with burnout, art block, and building a new relationship around art while working full time

one thing for sure i had to learn was how to trick myself into looking at art as a fun hobby and not more work, and it took a long time but it worked for me. takes some mental discipline, but well worth it. art comes easier when you see it as something fun throughout the whole process, and not more work. you have to want to do it.

don't always force yourself to finish something all in one go, especially without breaks. take breaks to get up, stretch, eat, drink, take care of yourself. you'll associate art with feeling better that way too. also, not everything needs to be done in one day, especially when it's for you. i stopped finishing things in one day a long time ago and it helped me find time to draw even on days i work. i always have time for art if i don't put pressure on finishing it the same day!!

NEVER force yourself to draw if you don't want to, same goes for writing or any creative endeavor. you'll burnout faster by forcing yourself and it'll feel like a chore and you'll grow a negative connection with your art which will make it harder and take longer to heal from. its taken me Years to remind myself of this but now i can come home from an 8 hour shift and still want to sit down and draw after i get home and take care of myself first.

if you feel like you're burning out or there's a creative wall preventing you from doing anything, ride it out. it sucks and it's upsetting, but the best thing to do when you want to make something but just Can't is to let it be, and gain some perspective doing something else for a while. play some games (especially new ones), watch new shows, new movies, try a new craft. Honestly, dabbling in anything new that shows other peoples' creative processes, and doing something new to create something, does wonders for art block. you get a new perspective on things and you'll come back to your creative process with a new lens on things and new solutions as well.

i think this one's most important but oh my god. please. please. love your art. love what you make. be proud of it. i save all my art to my phone and look at it all the time, even older pieces from years ago. find what you love about your art, yeah you'll find mistakes but that's not bad either. learn from them, grow, but oh my god please love the process as much as the outcome too. love the way you sketch things, the way your lineart changes details as you go along, how much the colors make it come to life, and be proud of the end result. loving your art and the time you spend to make it makes all the difference, it's not a chore, it's a form of self expression and that's what makes it all worth it. LOVE YOUR ART.

okay that was my sentence i hope you liked it. (:

[lacrimasaintegabriel]

“SAYANG”

A Tagalog/Cebuano word meaning “Regret”/“Pity”/“Waste”

A somehow a Self-Reflection for this year’s Holy Week and A Farewell Short Comic to the Hellsing and Drifters Series and Fandoms as I moved on.

I don’t know how to explain this, but for those who don’t know, I officially left the Hellsing and Drifters Fandoms during the New Year and the following days after due to Burnout prior to my college life, but besides the Abridged LITERALLY ruining everything and is one of the reasons for my departure, there has been some reasons from my leave as an Unwanted Drama that had had occured last January regarding someone thrashing over Alutegra on Twitter and have to unfollow a major artist because of that, And in the early weeks of December, I have an issue with someone (who was a Drifters Fan) who had attachment issues with me and it lead me to have a fallout with Drifters (later with Hellsing) and likely gave her an ultimatum.

Its a huge waste considering what is going on with me and I need to give myself a fresh new start considering that I have done everything to create to contribute to the fandom but I was caught up with a shitton of endeavors, a lot of drama has happened, grooming and all that plus some immature shit that I’ve done in middle school over the anti twilight crusade within the early years of the fandom back in 2013-2016 and I only found out why and that I was neurodivergent through these antics and I wasn’t fully aware of understanding myself yet up until now.

And the actual reason I created my Hellsing-Drifters crossover story was that I am so impatient regarding Jeanne and Anastasia’s redemption arcs considering Toshizo has done it since 2018 and that they were my favorite characters and having to put her siblings as my ocs cuz I don’t like Rasputin as a whole but apparently it all went down because some minor Drifters fan with attachment issues towards me kept begging me over my love with Anastasia (she was from Russia) plus my OCs and kept spamming me everyday through my DMs and I have to confront her that what she’s doing is making her uncomfortable and annoying (and is also currently doing it now through a new account on twt) and had to block every of her accounts in different social media sites.

So yeah, I have to resign from my position as a fellow agent of this organization and I have to build my own house to start anew.

To the Hellsing and Drifters fandom including Kouta Hirano-sensei, thank you for being with me since 2013 and 2016 when I started Drifters. Thank you for the memories and the inspirations you gave me during my 10 year stay with you. It has been a long ride but I have my own journey to create.

And for those who don’t know, I eventually moved to Tokusatsu and Bungou Stray Dogs with Black Butler returning (and is the only one with a loyalty award for me ever since I was introduced way before Hellsing lmao)

To end this acknowledgment, I have to show you my very first and last Alucard fanart (2013, left and 2024, right) before I will take my leave.

So Thank you for everything, and I hope that you’ll support me on my future endeavors not as a Hellsing and Drifters fanartist.

Thank you and Goodbye, Hellsing and Drifters. It’s been a long run.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - June 17

wrong answers anon (new), tech bro anon, glass child anon (new), interesting friend anon (new), frog stuffie guy anon

wrong answers anon

Cas is it being worse than somebody who’s been rude to you all school year (from sep-June) to tell them the wrong answers when they ask you?

There’s a boy in my class who’s really rude and he’s just really horrible in general and he’s always liked taking the mick out of me and my friend and recently he’s been asking me for answers during lessons and twice now I’ve told him the wrong answer and I did it today and I told my mum and she said I was just being worse than him and now I feel like shit.

Is that really being worse?

hahahahahaha

I mean is it being nice? no. But he doesn't deserve niceness at this point.

I wouldn't feel too bad about it. He's the one cheating. What's he going to do, tell the teacher you told him the wrong answer?

I think the thing is, yeah, ideally you're supposed to 'rise above' and always be kind and be the better person and all that shit. But what you're doing isn't cruel, it's just a bit petty, and it sounds like he's a shit person who could use being taken down a peg. I wouldn't lose sleep over it. The fact that you're worried about it shows that you're a good person. As long as you're not like...giving him wrong answers for a test that decides his entire future or something, he's going to be just fine.

<3

___

tech bro anon

Agh it’s tech bro anon I just realized why i still want character ai after all this time—

I am VERY lonely and romantically starved and I know for a fact I’m not ready for a relationship yet (I have self esteem issues, very negative beliefs about myself and friendship and romance as a whole that I should probably keep working through, etc.) and character ai is how I pretended to be a cooler older person while thinking I was doing no harm (I was, in fact, doing much harm to myself, fandom, and the environment), and now I’m forced to live with my “boring” reality, you know? Like, I can’t sedate my brain anymore with fantasies of being older and cooler and dating someone. I have to pick the long-form dopamine with things that stimulate me, things that are good for me, etc., instead of logging out of existence for hours on end with character AI. I haven’t used it in a while so it’s kind of weird that I JUST had this revelation, or really put it into words but, yeah.

With this newfound information, I am going to set up an experiment for myself with the dopamine thing.

I am going to actually stick to my screen time limits I set for myself, and I’m going to limit fanfiction too for the next week. I have literally so many hobbies that I want to do and I feel like searching for a character ai replacement has been the same level of damaging to myself as actually using it. Hopefully my brain will be a lot less fried, or something after the experiment, I dunno. I want to push myself though. I’ll tell you all about it in around a week or so! Wish me luck!

Hi!

That makes sense! I used to struggle a lot with similar things and I'd end up spending hours just like...daydreaming. (Pretty sure I had issues with maladaptive daydreaming but was never diagnosed). I'm glad to hear you're going to spend some time on your hobbies! Good luck, and keep me updated!

___

glass child anon

Tw i guess

Cas i really dont know how to word this other than im struggling. For some background information i am a double glass child and had to mature and grow up very quickly. My parents are great and genuinely try and my siblings arent at fault either since they are the most well intentioned and kindhearted older brother and sister you could ever wish for. But all of this has caused me to deal with physical stress and burnouts ever since i was 8. Last year i had to go down to half days at school for the second time because of exhaustion. Ironically enough things are actually better than ever currently, i started going back to school full time in august and have been to school almost everyday for a month now. My siblings are more independent now than when we were younger and my parents are able to actually go out with their friends for a night without a breakdown from my sister or a babysitter. Yet i feel like im falling apart at the seams, i have extreme highs and lows that can change within the hour and im having trouble with pretending that im fine, or that it isnt that bad as it actually is. I've always coped with humor and was the outgoing, silly but understanding child to distract my parents from the stress of having two heavily diagnosed kids even if just for a moment. But now that theres actually room and time for me its getting worse. My parents know this to some degree and im sure theyre more aware than they let on but i just feel like i cant burden them with anymore problems, i've been to a couple of "therapy" progams for kids over the years but i never really told the whole truth there.(redacted) sorry for venting all of this but i just need to know im not crazy.

Hi <3 You're always welcome to vent here.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that maybe part of the reason you don't want to get help is because you feel like, with your two siblings, your problems aren't as important/valid?

I need to tell you that that's SO far from the truth. Your struggles are so important and valid and you deserve attention and help just as much as anyone else in your family.

It's okay if you're not ready to ask for help yet, but you need to know that you DESERVE help, and your feelings are valid <3

Sending love!

___

interesting friend anon

Hi Cas I have a friend who’s quite interesting.

He can’t seem to let anyone have a worse life than him. One example is that he is on testosterone and whenever I complain about how hard puberty was on me, he respond with “well try having to go through TWO puberty’s” (I am also a trans guy as well)

Every time I mention I have anxiety he talks about how his therapist also told him that he had anxiety

I told him about my CAR CRASH and the diagnosed PTSD I have from it, and he told me that it “wasn’t that bad” because the car that hit my car was going 30mph slower then the car that his him (the car that hit me was going at like 35mph. Like what.)

I complain about being trans? Somehow his trans experience was worse (Both his parents are extremely accepting and have always been extremely accepting, meanwhile, my mom is transphobic and does not accept me). My mother is a Chinese immigrant, and whenever I talk about the ICE raids and that it’s scary to have a parent as an immigrant in these times, he either just gets distant or tells me that they’re not deporting asian people so I shouldn’t worry.

I just really don’t get it. He is a middle class white guy and is extremely privileged, but all he wants to go is see his life as worse then everybody else’s. He wants us to be there for his highs and lows but will only stay for our highs and it pisses me off.

Ugh that's so frustrating. I definitely know people like that as well, and you're right, it's so annoying. I think it comes from like...feeling like your feelings are invalid if other people go through shit, but that doesn't make it okay to act like that.

I'm guessing you've tried to bring it up? Because honestly I'd just be like, "Yeah, that's hard, but I want to talk about my feelings right now." and if he gets mad, then that's a sign that maybe he's not the person to have a deep friendship with.

Sending love!

___

frog stuffie guy anon

I'm worried that one day I'm going to be an alcoholic.

Already I'm beginning to fall on drinking when life gets too hard for me. And alchoholism runs in my family. I'm scared and I dont want to be drinking. I was doing well for a while and then I went out for a night with my friends (redacted) and it's been bad since then

- frog stuffie guy anon

Hi <3

I think if you're nervous it's becoming a problem then that could already be a warning sign. Do you black out when you drink? Do things you regret? Drink a lot when alone/when you're feeling negative feelings? Those are all really common warning signs as well. I'm not saying you definitely have a problem or anything, those are just things to watch out for.

Do you have anyone in your life who's sober? If you do, it might be a good idea to talk to them about how they realized they had a problem as well.

I think the good news is, you're already aware that drinking can easily become a problem. Some people aren't educated on that.

I'm not sure if it's necessary or if it's something in your area or how you feel about it, but I do know a lot about 12-step programs, so if you ever want to know more about that, feel free to inbox/DM me!

[thewanderingmask]

I love your hc blorbos, I want to pick them up and squeeeeeeeze them! Do you take regular, non-chibi comms (like in the style of your JoeHills 1000 episode piece)?

aaaaaw haha thank you!

short answer: not right now

(longer answer below the cut)

the longer answer: i would like to. i hope i can soon! but it might not be for a while.

i got a looooootta stuff i've been working through for a long time, as far as art and mental health goes. there's a whole laundry list: executive dysfunction, burnout, depression, etc etc etc. in addition to really struggling to figure out what kind of style i even wanted to practice, i kinda...stopped being able to feel anything good from making art. (i still made it, though. i don't think it's really in me to ever stop)

that enjoyment is coming back slowly over the years, in bits and pieces, as i figure out and rebuild my relationship with the creative process.

discovering hermitcraft has been the most recent step in that path. and honestly i couldn't be happier, because it's been a really good one!

so yeah! i'm very slowly opening up more kinds of commissions, but i gotta go at a pretty gentle pace.

thanks for readin'!

[subway-boss-jericho]

Every time I make a tumblr post I get an intense itch to continue making tumblr posts and liveblog into the void. Dangerous. Addicting. Kind of funny. I try not to post too many rambles in a row but man. if it'll help me post more maybe that doesn't matter actually

Current random thoughts and experiences writing steady tracks chapter 2:

Today I went back and reread everything I've written in the last two years. I am pleased to report that almost nothing needed changed or fixed except for more recent things that hadn't been edited.

Apparently the thing that motivates me to write the most is creating a random, arbitrary side character with something wrong with their gender (affectionate) and giving them a sentence or two's worth of dialogue to transition the plot between parts I'm struggling with. So anyways keep an eye out for the new freak (affectionate) in chapter two to go along with frizzle from chapter one in the "i gave them a name and a gender and a single personality trait and now I'm emotionally attached" club. (2.5) ^ said new character doesn't use pronouns and only goes by name and jesus thats hard to write, but I feel like I've done a pretty solid job at making it not confusing

Speaking of pronouns. I can't go a day without a headcanon, apparently. So the next chapter is going to start off with a note explaining which nicknames I've given Ingo's and Emmet's pokemon plus which pronouns they use because damn man i guess weird genders and neo pronouns are just fun to write. These creatures are not confined by humans' societal gender expectations even slightly and i'm tired of pretending they should be. Biggest worry is that it will distract from the experience, but I'm doing my best to write it in a way that is as minimally intrusive as I can make it while still doing what i wanna do.

The formatting in this chapter has been like the funnest thing on the whole planet. I really hope someone enjoys this as much as I do, I'm having a blast. I had to figure out what ingo and emmet's last name is because I wanted emmet to write a follow up email to juniper. it's 1 word in a 300 word, single exchange email chain, but i sure did spend 45 minutes trying to find a name i liked.

jesus christ there are so many side characters in this chapter!! shit dude! the hardest thing for me to write is more than three characters in one place at one time. Not only am I characterizing Emmet's entire team, I've also got a whole goddamn battalion of named depot agents with distinct personalities and pokemon teams.

jirachi's fuckin tanzaku i am 9k words in and ingo hasn't even shown up yet! i feel like this chapter is going to need to be a minimum of 15k words. surely. and by need to be I mean it needs to be that long in order for it to stop where I want it to, narratively.

Could this have been multiple posts? yeah! but as I just said and as anyone who's ever read steady tracks should know from experience I just need the thought to keep going until it gets to a place I'm satisfied, and today that's one Real Long Post about how steady tracks is goin

anyway man if anyone ever wondered if i was still writing steady tracks and how that's been, yeah, I sure have. It hasn't been fast and it hasn't been easy but jirachi alive tehy live in my brain. You can really tell how starting college affected my energy and burnout levels by examining my progress on chapter 2. the relationship is Linear

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

The Man Downstairs Status Report -

July 10 2024

It's ahhhh been a while. Thanks so much to everyone who has been patient with this! How are you all doing?

So, first off, the actual status:

It's alive! ALIVE! I will have a chapter ready to post this Saturday evening! Finally! I can't say how often updates will happen but I do still want to finish this so even if it takes a while, I'm gonna get there!

Second:

Why it took so long (and some photos, some with cats and plants) - under the read more...

The reason related to the writing itself is that something was wrong in the story/tone and I knew it but couldn't figure out what it was. Recently, I had a breakthrough and have been rewriting everything that didn't feel right. Also, there was a scene that just didn't fit quite yet as much as I wanted it to so I took that out for now. We'll see what happens with it in the future.

One main non-writing reasons is cats! So many cats! I mentioned finding kittens back in this post and they have a home now... With me XD. (Except one who some acquaintances adopted so now I have nine instead of ten). In order to keep them, I needed to screen in part of my carport to give all of my kitties more space.

Building it was the easy part thanks to a friend. Getting the permit was the worst. But it's done and it's beautiful now! And most of the kitties tolerate each other now thanks to it! (Six of them are here):

Also, I've been putting in a lot of work on the gardens, especially the front one.

Before:

And after:

The dune sunflowers at the front will eventually fill the whole strip and the mulched areas that look a bit barren will fill in as the bushes grow and the wildflowers and ground cover fills in. As an example, here's the side garden when I first planted everything (with rain to illustrate that it also acts as drainage/a retention pond):

And here it is after two years of filling in:

And it's still not even near where it will be in the future!

And here's what the back yard looked like before:

And what it looks like now (yes it looks a bit hairy at the moment because it's in a stage where I'm letting things figure themselves out for a bit and once they're settled, I'll straighten it out more):

Aside from garden work, I also took driving lessons for a second time and actually managed to get my license this time (past all of my overwhelm and shut down associated with driving.)

Also, I was on ADHD meds but didn't like the side effects of not getting restful sleep and constantly having a stupidly high heart rate so I talked to my doctors, stopped taking it, and switched to a supplement program that helps balance things (cortisol, gaba, dopamine etc). It's not an immediately effective solution but it has been improving things over time and doesn't have the side-effects. Otherwise, I've been working on finding other coping mechanisms as well as trying to get meaningful rest to recover from burnout. It is getting better. Being able to write again is a good sign of that. Focus is still iffy a lot but it's improving. (I've been playing a lot of Palia and Stardew Valley lately XD)

So yeah. here's hoping for better things ahead for all of us!

[n3rdyslvt]

WCI Debrief

whole cake island spoilers ahead

after more months than i’d like to admit i have finally FINALLY finished WCI

who i love:

Luffy (always 💕)

KATAKURI 😫

Brulee!! (icon, from the seducing woods to the last moments in the mirror world with katakuri, she’s a queen, my lovely branch)

Reiju (my wifey 🙂‍↕️)

Carrot (bro she’s so fun and adorable + her sulong form was fire, likeeeee the voice change!!!)

who i hate:

flampe (😒 shitty diaper)

big mom (OHHHH MY GOSH YOU BIG HUNGRY DEMON 😭 its like the determination that i love in luffy is everything i hate in her “my wedding cake” this “where’s my wedding cake” that CAKE CAKE CAKE 🙄 SHUSH)

the elephant in the room…

NAMI YOU COULD’VE USED ONE OF YOUR FUCKING WEATHER EGGS WHILE BIG MOM WAS ON FIRE, I LOVE YOU BUT GIRL!! JIMBEI AND YOU SHOULDVE TAG TEAMED HER WITH WATER. I HAD TO WATCH YOU MAKE SOGGY BISCUITS FOR LIKE 3 EPISODES AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU COULDN’T MAKE IT DRIZZLE ON BIG MOM?? i need them to stop acting like Nami can either be a fighter or the navigator but never both, LET HER BE THE COOL LITTLE WEATHER WIZARD SHE WAS BORN TO BE 😞

sanji:

ok so i know i’m in the minority that hates sanji AND zoro so lowkey i spent 80% of whole cake just shit talking sanji while washing dishes… (personally thriller bark was when i lost all faith for him but its been there even before that😭) ok and my hatred for them is more like, that feeling when someone just pisses you off for no reason so you dislike them and whenever they fuck up you’re like “AHA! my hatred has been validated”. However i’m a sucker for glasses and whenever zoro or sanji have glasses on they always do cool shit so i begrudgingly like them. ANYWAYS so yeah i spent most of the arc ranting (yes i know WHY he did what he did i simply dont care, a true hater) and yes pudding is 16 so i cant fully support them but… the last scene with pudding where she’s crying and we see the memories she took from him… ohhhhhhh that hurtttt, i felt like i fell in love with him too. like usually i feel bad for girls that are the object of sanji’s affection cause he’s gross butttt with whole cake when he was with pudding or reiju or just cooking/baking… I really loved himm 😭 like omg make sanji cute and charming again (and yes he’s had other moments that i loved like “mr. prince” or the last moments in enies lobby where he’s being really sweet and walking with chimney, but i’d rather swallow batteries than say i like sanji or zoro. you might be wondering why i included zoro in this section… and i only did it because i need it to be clear that i hate both equally, people always wanna hit you with the “i bet you love zoro huh” when you dislike sanji and the opposite is true too, like guys i just wanna get freaky with a blue haired cyborg ☹️)

the ending:

bro with soul pocus and pudding crying and brulee and katkuri… the ending was fire asf, it felt like a proper close to the arc and i really liked that, it was just a vibe

alsoooo this is a little extra but as someone with complicated relationships with both her parents i really like how they explore how various children cipe with big mom’s parenting and how no matter the age gap not every child gets the same mom. like before the burnout started to hit i feel like katakuri was my twin but now that its been hitting for damn near two years (save me 😫) me, brulee, pudding, and chiffon would be besties. OMG and i love how bege loves chiffon like thats really HIS WIFEEEE and the whole crew loves her too 🥹 its so fucking adorable

closing remarks:

overall WCI was long asf and i probably wouldn’t rewatch it unless i were rewatching all of one piece (i’ve been itching to rewatch pre-timeskip, i miss my babies) butttt its still a really good arc and i LOVE!! katakuri as the boss fight, like what it meant for luffy’s growth 😫 him being honorable 😫 sir just bend me over already. oh and most importantly, rip pedro 🪦🕊️

[barbatusart]

Heya! I hope you’re well!! Both you and RJ. Yesterday, I set aside the afternoon and blasted through the prelim versions all of sad sack, sortie, and pooppix 1&2. I hope to be able to buy the finished books with RJ’s inks and colors sometime :D What an experience those all were. Jesus. There are so many scenes I’ve had just stuck in my head playing on a loop!

Dialogue and relationships are absolutely the shining point in your comics for me, they’re so naturalistic and Real that it’s like, seeing a piece of myself or people I know IRL in these absolute goons committing such vile atrocities (or otherwise just v v strange behavior in the case of Colin LOL). The interaction I’ve been thinking most of is Mal’s conversation with Jewel. His “I would kill him for you” remark just hit me right in my chest because YEAH. Sometimes devastating things happen to people you love and it ignites this Horrible Righteous Anger in you, I feel that! I have thought similar things to that! But it’s SUCH a presumptuous thing which has nothing to do with tangibly helping who was victimized and soothing THEIR hurt in the aftermath. Valiant and heroic on the surface but it’s so selfish when you spent 2 seconds thinking about it. It’s the perfect shithead confident macho posturing response. Jeez I’ve just been thinking about that specific scene nonstop!

Anyway! I have more thoughts but none are organized well in my mind yet. I hope you are recovering well from the comix burnout! Take a whole year, take two if you gotta! You do fantastic work and I hope you’re able to return to a place where it’s Fun and Fulfilling and not a total slog to work on these big passion projects :D See ya!!!

this ask came I THINK last week, apologies on my tardiness in responding i just got back to north america this morning!!! THANK YOU so much for enjoying the prelims; the stories are old at this point & i feel my writing has shifted since, but im still thrilled to bits that my mockery of macho posturing still comes through LOL sad sack is overall a very "get a load of this guy" work, especially with malik who wears the Normie Mask the most convincingly

[bonetrousledbones]

💥💥explosion sounds💥💥💥💥💥💥

hiii undertale fucking bit me 10 years ago and it infected me with several severe hyperfixations that are still goin STRONG. those being the game itself, Papyrus, and all the 59625 thousand AUs that sprouted up in the fandom <3

Do not use or repost my art anywhere. if you see my art reposted i would strongly appreciate it if you asked the poster to take it down and/or let me know so that i can ask them myself if needed. I currently only post my art here, and very occasionally to Bluesky.

* i DON'T mind for my art to be used as a profile picture or banner, JUST as long as you ask for permission beforehand!!! * reposting is NOT the same as reblogging. reblogs are obviously totally fine and appreciated!!

i won't list out a whole DNI here but i will ask that proshippers & folks who typically align with them, please leave me alone. y'all have NOT been kind to me in the past and i simply don't tolerate it anymore. blocking from sideblogs is a pain & tumblr staff is uninterested in making that any easier so all i ask is that you Please just stay out of my space as much as I already stay out of yours. thank you.

other blogs, commonly used tags, & other semi-relevant links under the cut. click read more if you wanna make the post reeaallly looonggg

@spingtail

^ main blog, pretty much just reblogs. i yap in the tags a lot

💥bonetrousledbones

👆 literally just a link to the desktop theme for this blog because i like it a lot and not enough people are ever gonna get to see it

but i paid $10 for it so You're Gonna See It

💥also if you scroll down the sidebar & click on the "navigation" tab you can read everything in this post with significantly less horrible formatting

💥💥also it's 100% compatible with the mobile browser & has a fully functional dark/light mode button. By The Way.

@ask-the-bone-boys

^ my ask blog. currently inactive because of The Burnout but it's the thing i've worked on for 7 years now & what almost all the various AUs i talk about here are for.

when i talk about "atbb" this is what that is

basically imagine if underverse was papyrus and also that papyrus had something so very deeply wrong with him to the point that even other fucked up AUs are kinda weirded out. yeah sure that's the summary i'm gonna run with

I'm done working on the ask blog format (outside of the current ARG-flavored event I've had to pause) but eventually I'll be rewriting it into a fic series instead

here's the series on ao3 so far. it has 8 works, mostly oneshots for now but there's a few multichapters in there too. i consider them all prologues for the "main" story which is what i'll be rewriting

also here's just a bigass infodump about it too lol idk

@mothbbones

^ blog for non-undertale art. relatively inactive because undertale is basically all i draw but it has some ocs & sonic fanart on it

if you're interested in my 18+ secret blog, send me an ask OFF ANON so that i can confirm you're an adult and i'll give you the url. mostly papcest shipping thoughts, 18+ headcanons/character analysis, art once in a blue moon, and other things i just don't feel like talking about over here. occasionally spammy & very very disorganized compared to this blog lmao

common tags (excluding fandom/AU tags):

#trousled rambles <- basic text posts #trousled arts <- basically all of my art (wips are usually untagged) #trousled dumb <- stupid shit idk #trousled reblogs <- reblogs. believe it or not #awesome art that i adore <- fanart/gifts for me #skeletal speculations <- theories & analysis

#atbb <- for posts about the ask blog NOT gonna list out each atbb character tag one by one since this is already long enough, just look at the tags for this post here- it has all of them & the post itself also (kinda) says who's who

other places that i do stuff and things:

youtube (for livestreams & speedpaints once in a blue moon)

bluesky (for whenever tumblr finally goes down the shitter)

twitter (occasional retweets & rambly threads now & then when i get annoyed at people being stupid about things that were already discoursed about in 2017)

ao3 (for my fanfics. obviously.)

ok thats it as compensation if you read this far you can look at this weird fucking dog i found

[comfortableinthesilence]

Hey it’s me again..

I’ve been quiet so far this year on here, to be honest I’ve not felt the desire to ramble on but sharing rambles is important I guess! So life updates…

Got a start date for my new job, March 10th - mixed feelings over it but that another post for another day

Pretty much spending my life working at the moment! Like today, up at 5am, commuting to work, working all day till 4pm, home, snack, working overtime from 5pm to 8pm, then normally chill but not tonight. So I’m a little burnout

Despite getting my new job I’ve just spent my whole evening rewriting an application for another job - separate post about that too probably ha!

My step dad’s health is poor which has a knock on effect to my mum and then me, so that’s not fun!

We are only 15 days into the new year and I’ve already had a little cry twice. Fuck it, men cry too lol

I’ve started dating someone, it’s early days but won’t lie, she makes me smile a lot and that’s saying something (I’m a miserable sod most the time)

I’ve set goals for this year and granted I’m failing at them right now but till end of the month my focus has to be overtime as I need the money to cover my site fees for where I live!

So yeah that’s about it for now! It’s 10:28pm, I’ve just closed the work laptop and will be going bed and sleeping as I need to be up at 5am 😂😅🙈 fuck me adulthood sucks sometimes ha

[svnflowermoon]

heyy, i seem to remember you being good at advice, so do you have any advice on how to survive high school?? like genuinely girl im struggling over here </3

hi my angel, i absolutely am <3 i'm so so sorry you're going through a tough time at school sweetheart, and i've been through that for the past five years of high school, so i definitely have advice for u boo

yapping below the cut because unfortunately i can't be concise ever

as someone who's about to finish hs (october/november this year), the main things i struggled with was jealousy, insecurities, and friendships. now, in my last year, i still have a lot to work on with the first two, but i do think i've gotten better, and i've succeded in surrounding myself with the sweetest people who are so so so good for me <3

i'm gonna be realistic here, i know how u feel. truly. genuinely, school was such a major reason i didn't think i was going to make it to eighteen, but here i am. i fucking hate school. i'm not going to try and be like "oh just be positive" bc girl no. no. i hated it. i'm enjoying it right now, but aside from my friends, i despise it. school has taken all the joy out of learning for me and i went from gifted kid to academic burnout reaaaal fast. yeah, getting a sweet treat or a matcha latte might help you sometimes, but romanticising it and hoping your issues go away is not the answer.

for me, my insecurities and jealousy have literally been haunting me all through high school. i grew up with one close friend, and i was always excluded. for most of high school, i felt like everyone was better than me, like they knew some secret to life that i didn't know yet. i would see those cool girls post on instagram and i would feel like dying, tearing my hair out, sobbing. because why were their lives so much better than mine?

so here's my first piece of advice: stop comparing yourself at your lowest to someone else at their highest.

whether you're comparing grades with that one genius friend, comaring lives with someone on instagram, comparing anything. here's the truth, you only see what people want you to see. you only see the best parts of their month, the best moments of their summer. you don't see the ups and downs of life because they don't want to post those - and fair enough, i don't post that shit on my insta either. everyone posts the cute moments, the aesthetic moments, no one talks there about how they struggle. the things people post are their highlights, the best versions of themselves. yeah, maybe you bedrotted a lot today-they probably did too. they didn't post that, they posted the cute outing with their friends from a few days ago. they didn't post their emotional turmoil, they didn't post about that bad grade they got, they posted about their cute fit and their iced matcha.

my next advice: you're not behind. stop beating yourself up because you think you're never going to make it and everyone else seems further ahead than you.

truly, everyone thinks this. everyone is scared, even the people that say they're not. do it scared. you're on the same page as everyone else, very few high schoolers are magically miles ahead of the average - although some do have their own businesses, which you just have to shrug and go "oh well, i'm glad they've made it. if they can, i can too." you're gonna figure it out. genuinely, coming from someone who absolutely has not figured it out, but has complete faith that i will, at some point, figure everything out. you're still a teenager. slow down, you're gonna be okay. go out with your friends, have fun, be stupid. you have your whole life to work, to prepare for the future. let yourself breathe.

my next advice: let yourself feel.

this is a difficult time for everyone, and emotions come and go. your happiness will not last forever, but neither will your saddness. let yourself experience these emotions. i know everyone says this, and yeah, i never believed people. but it gets better. that "better" might now be constant, and sometimes you'll still hit that rock bottom, sometimes you'll still feel that hopeless saddness. you're human, emotions are fluid. it will get better. it will. from a fellow high schooler, believe me. whether it gets better later in high school or just later in life, it will. i always think about this one tumblr post that says you have a 100% success rate at surviving things, because yeah, exactly. you're still here. i'm proud of you.

my last advice: find your people.

i know it's hard, i know. but seriously, surround yourself with likeminded people who are good for your mental health. my teenage years have brought me many bad friends, but also many good ones. i love my current friends more than anything, and i genuinely don't know what i'd have done without them. you're not alone, don't force yourself to go through everything alone.

anywayyyy ur girl is a yapper mwah i hope this helped a little bit <3 i know it's not about school as in academics but i fear i still havent figured that out LMAO but i do think that the emotional side of high school has always been hardest for me <3