#and three

[chainelunaire]

of people you loved

pt.2

actually, dabi wasn’t your first love. tomura was.

now, it wasn’t a sectret at all, yet very few people knew. you bet, kurogiri knew every detail, but again, kurogiri knew everything. spinner knows, probably, because of how close he’s with shigaraki now. maybe toga had her thoughts, you never tried to hide anything from her. 

it wasn’t bad, to be in love with shigaraki. definitely not as bad one could imagine, let alone ideas he may actually murder you for being his ex. you were never official to begin with, and even if you were, you know he would never do that. he might actually find it ridiculous to even think of, which was funny to you too. you get why people might suggest that. it’s just funny to you, who knows him so good. well, at least had known, now spinner might actually be your competitor in that matter. you wish them both the best.

dabi definitely didn’t know that, and he wasn’t able to put two and two together. that was your mistake. to assume, that he knew.

he probably knew the basics. you and tomura grew up knowing each other. he himself knew who shigaraki was from a very young age, it’s just that he never met him till the recent times. you on the other hand worked in a bar since the bright age of fourteen, you helped kurogiri with a simple stuff, after you got discharged and robbed of your quirk. 

not very nice, yeah, you agree.

odd times. you drank a lot back then, definitely more than you were allowed, and you weren’t allowed to drink at all. you were a child, that’s what kurogiri had to remind to you every single time when he found bottles you tried to hide. he still found them somehow, and he continued to warn you. you haven’t heard him. it was so painful, the wound still open, you cried in your bed twice a day - so much that your chest hurt from tears. the booze helped to ease that pain for a short second, it was worth it in your opinion, even if kurogiri was so disappointed in you after. you were a failure already. nothing mattered anymore. 

you caused a lot of trouble back then.

that gross old doctor tried to stop you forcefully (you still don’t know why he even cared), but you had kurogiri on your side, and it’d hurt even more - after the punishment you recieved, after the punishment kurogiri recieved because of you and your behaviour. you cried more seeing him so vulnerable and how he was almost translucent after all the torture. you stole more that day, you couldn’t bear it, you couldn’t handle what they’ve done to him because of you. you coudn’t even say sorry to him, because if you did you could die it felt like. you wanted your power back. you wanted kurogiri to be happy. you didn’t really need more.

it’ll pass, he said to you, when he found you in a basement, bawling your eyes out while hugging an empty bottle. he gently took it from your trembling hands and hesitantly patted you on the head. you weren’t used to physical contact, yet you leaned to his touch. you wanted to be better so he woudn’t worry that much.

you’ll be fine, he said. you’re strong, so you will be fine.

and few years later, you were fine. 

you weren’t sensitive by nature, actually, you were very chill. it helped you along the way, because it was important to stay calm even when the shit has gotten real. you’ve seen a lot of villains of all sorts, and you handled every single one of them. that was your special quirk, to be the one with a cold head. because of it you were useful enough to kurogiri, so he asked for you to stay and help him run the bar. so you did. you were in the league, when there was no league - just you, kurogiri and some guy he sometimes brought along. 

and the story between you and shigaraki wasn’t romantic or particularly interesting. it was natural, because you both needed someone to talk to, and later someone to go to after battles, to play games with, to do actual normal stuff. you were the only one person around his age he could talk to, even if you were a little bit older, still, you were on the same level. it wasn’t out of any feeling rather than curiosity, your first kiss. it just kind of happened and it left you feeling nothing. you started sleeping together under the same conditions - he was curious, you were curious. that’s all to it, really.

love came after a long time, you’d say. you certainly didn’t fall in love with him right away, moreover, it was clearly set between you two that no feelings are allowed. and it was easy to follow, because he was your friend, you could say that confidently, and you wanted to protect that. 

it was still very nice. not because of the sex in itself (because it only came with time that sex stopped being awkward and messy and started to be something actually enjoyable) but because of the aftermath, when you talked about  something deeper than usual shit, when you cracked jokes and just slept together. you knew he too enjoyed that part the most. he had terrible nightmares back then, and being closer to someone brought him peace. kurogiri definitely knew and he stayed neutral, so you were as protected as you could be. you were good even after new members came and kurogiri introduced toga and dabi to you both. nothing really ever changed.

interestingly enough, you were never afraid of him killing you by accident. to be frank, you never even thought of it, only long after you thought absendmindedly that yeah. he easily could, even if he didn’t want to. maybe that was your secret weapon - you both never thought of it. you refused to worry more.

that was the moment when problem was created. when you started to worry.

you accepted it almost immidiately. he wasn’t an idiot, and you were never stupid, you both knew that couldn’t last forever without any change. you knew he rushed to your room after a mission to sulk about his failures not because you were the only one he had - not now, definitely, since there were toga and jin, yet he always chose you. you knew that was his active decision, and you lulling him to sleep was yours. 

you pretended you didn’t care as long as you possibly could. things started to change so fast, you life started to change more than ever. the last time you had something like that was when your quirk was ripped out from you. shigaraki gave you time to prepare for this earthquake, and to himself he gave that time too. he couldn’t continue that anymore, he wasn’t built for that.

so you were ready, when he told you to fuck off in the nicest words he was capable of. you knew that was the most he could afford. he didn’t kiss you goodbye, you weren’t expecting it. he was still there, doing business with league, covering your failures after kurogiri’s department, bringing you along all the way, even he didn’t really need to anymore. your unsaid breakup was smooth and easy, you had no hard feelings after, and for him that was the same. he continued to be shigaraki tomura you knew, its just he needed to be more than that now. he had people to care for. that never meant he had to leave you behind.

he was still there for you, and so were you for him. 

life goes on.

and sometimes you really wonder - is it something in your aura or is that just your path, only to be someone temporary, someone to pass along and not to stay? you really don’t know. sometimes you consider stop being so chill and okay with almost everything everyone around do to you, maybe it’s usefull to rip some faces off from time to time. that should teach someone to respect you. at least to consider you actually being a living human too.

you definitely wanted to rip dabi’s face off more than once at this point. it’s just the fact that you suspect it wouldn’t really impress him, considering that he’s already a puzzle of a human. he would probably staple it back with those siver rings and laugh at you.

dabi was every kind of complicated.

it wasn’t even meant to happen. you never liked him since he joined the league, you didn’t like his attutude, his rude remarks and kinda laid-back facade of a very expressive man, who he really was. you learned quite early that he’s a tickling timebomb, and you never knew if he’s gonna stay calm or one innocent remark will cause a fire. you kept silent most of the times, just observing everything around you, and you came to a conclusion that dabi is not a nice one to be around. personally, you preferred himiko and jin far more. even shigaraki, who you never previously considered impatient, was on his wits end. him and dabi didn’t really get along, time only made this worse. at least, that’s what you saw, shigaraki refused to tell you more. that’s none of your business, he said, almost snapping at you, and you, even after years of suppressing emotions, felt offended. that was a new side of him for you. the one he hid really well before. or maybe he just didn’t have it in him back then.

at that time, it still hurt a bit, even if you trained yourself to ignore it.

dabi came in handy, that’s what you thought, while being drunk and almost happy. it wasn’t as bad as it was when you were a teen, but you already felt it’s crawling back onto the same place in your life. there was no kurogiri this time to stop you, to help you sort it out. and you were hurt, even if you admitted it to yourself only after a second bottle of vodka.

you still could go a long way before getting wasted, so that was nice. but you still couldn’t actually drink all of the booze in bar. 

that was not nice.

this fuzzy warm feeling you felt - you hadn’t missed it, but that helped, you knew from expirience it would help in the end. you felt nice for once, and even if you didn’t want shigaraki exactly, you still wanted something. maybe not a hookup, just someone to feel a bit nicer. 

in general, you wanted warmth. it helped you not feeling so disgusted with yourself.

that’s when dabi came in handy - and you were already drunk just enough to forgive him that it was him and not somebody nicer, somebody more gentle. you were so, so drunk that night, it was fine for you then. he looked almost pretty in those blue and pink lights, while you was hearing another members laughing and talking. his skin looked okay in darkness. his eyes watched you cautiously and with something close to what you might call care, but you doubt he has that in him.

“you’re beautiful” you said because then it was true. he was beautiful in your eyes, when it was so dark, and in when his hair did catch the light, it looked almost snow white. “may i kiss you?”

his eyes was so wide open and pretty. his mouth was shut for once, maybe because he was too shocked by your words. you quicky started to like it, when he was quiet. when you didn’t hear his voice and could imagine it in your head. when his hands was on your shoulders and it was so, so warm, you almost didn’t feel that numb pain in your chest. he looked shocked and maybe hurt, but you’ve never seen him hurt, so that was just you being drunk probably. you thought it was fine anyway.

it really wasn’t.

next day you stand behind bar questioning was it something you imagined or was it really that dabi pushed you away and when you refused to let him be alone and miserable, he actually had to sit you down and explain that no, he doesn’t want to do anything with you. he won’t do anything with you. you need to get sober. you look pathethic.

you feel such hot, burning wave of shame every time you think of it, because yeah, it definitely happened, no matter how much you wanted to pretend that was your drunk fantasy. you wanna burn yourself alive, and you actually might do so rather than meet dabi again or shigaraki or kurogiri. you’ve never fallen so...pathethically. 

“look who’s back” you actually jerk, and dabi laughs quietly. he takes a seat in front of you, and you hide after the glasses, as if it could help. “feeling better now? no need for me to be your prince charming again?”

“dabi, please-”

“and i am charming” he laughs again - somehow angrily, you’d say, “at least after... how many you emptied yesterday?”

“shut up”

“no way. i’m not cutting myself some pleasure. what was the reason to get this fucked anyway?”

you think of it for a second. then you speak.

“you can go fuck yourself”

“i thought you wanted it another way” his smile is sickening, his attitude is so unbearable, you want to crush a bottle on his head. he sees that in your eyes, probably. “be nice, c’mon”

“that’s not your business”

“never took you for an alcoholic. guess you’re good at surprising people”

“that was the one time!” you feel your cheeks burn, and his smile just gets sicker, you wanna throw up. “i’m not an alcoholic!”

“you recognise not everyone wakes up this fine and dandy after four bottles of vodka, right?”

it wasn’t four, was it?.. you remember only two.

shit.

your hands are trembling so hard, you need to put glass on a table and take a breath. you don’t want to tell him you started to drink earlier that day. that you started to drink far, far earlier, not even this month. it wasn’t few bottles suddenly, out of nowhere. it was slow, so slow, you thought you had it under control.

“fuck’s sake” he actually laughs, studying you closely “that was a relapse, was it? don’t tell me, i know it when i see one.”

“what do you know about it?!” you snap, and he actually shuts up, looking at you, face unreadable. you never one to raise your voice, you doubt anyone except for kurogiri ever heard you doing it. no one ever pushed you to that limit. “you don’t know anything about me! anything! you can’t just sit here and demand my backstory. you know what? i’m sorry for what happened last night. yet i owe you nothing more, so get the fuck out of here.”

you both stay silent for a few long minutes, staring at each other. then dabi pours himself some water. there’s a fact in your hand - he doesn’t drink, you never caught him with something stronger than a beer, and even that was after jin’s persuasion.

“you done?” he asks quietly.

you want to smack his head on the wall so badly, you regret you don’t have any quirk so hard now.

“so, to your question. what do i know about it? knew some junkies in my time. they’re all the same, really. they all will say whatever you want to hear, just so you would leave them be. they already feel so much shit, they don’t really need anyone else to add to it. so they may appologize, yet they never mean it, you know? if they meant it, they had to feel it in it’s full force. and they’re too weak for that to happen.”

you actually think you may throw up right here. his words - they stab you, you really feel like you’re bleeding. and he, of course, does nothing.

“that’s cruel” you put yourself together even if it’s so painful right now, because deep down you know how right he is, it’s just amusing how he managed to read that so quickly. you hold on to that thought. you’ll be fine later. you will be fine. “you don’t need to be that cruel.”

this time his laugh is almost sad.

“and you don’t want to kiss me right now, on the daylight, do you, y/n?”

you look at his sharp features, that you find somewhat nice even now, in his stark sparkly blue eyes, that look at you with poorly hidden rage and hatred. you understand, why he’s so angry. he didn’t deserve it. he just get caught in the middle, he knew you lied back then. it pains you even more that he understands, why you’re not really sorry. you’re not ready to be sorry yet.

“no” you say, raising your head. “no, i don’t. sorry.”

“that’s what i thought.”

you jerk again when the door’s being shut so loud, you fear windowsmight break. they’re okay, though. 

and you? 

you need more vodka.

[mitzpitz09]

A lifetime

[mumfordanddaughters]

absolutely devastated by the loss of Lockwood and Co on netflix... This show clearly means so much to SO MANY of us, and it was legitimately one of the best works of screenwriting, acting, and cinematography that I have seen in a long time. Like, really crazy impressive stuff -- the soundtrack, the little details, the cozy British vibes, the dialogue. All of it so well done, so tight, so snappy. And these are young actors getting breakthrough roles and absolutely smashing it out of the park... and this is how we repay them?? Idk man. That’s upsetting. I had never even HEARD of the books until I stumbled on the show, binged it all in two days, and could *not get enough* -- so I went and devoured the first 4 books (the final one is on my nightstand now) and the entire time I was reading the books I kept thinking “they are going to do this so well! i am so excited to see THIS SCENE onscreen! cameron is gonna kill this! ruby will be amazing at portraying this! ali is gonna make this hilarious!” and I’m just... so saddened to think that I won’t ever get those awesome scenes? We won’t get the hollow boy? We won’t get to find out what’s behind the door? We won’t get the redemption arc for Kipps? We won’t get to meet Holly? Dang. I’m so sad. 

[ophidion]

last line :/

Rule: post the last sentence/line from your WIP or wherever you left off in your art. Then tag as many people as there are words in that sentence/line. Please make a new post if you decide to join the game.

legitimately everyone on the planet has tagged me in this and I'm late because i keep thinking I'll be at a good point with beacon. yet.

anyone else who wants to play by all means.

one

“Tell me your name.”

“Mine? Or this body’s?”

“Halbrand?” she cautiously dares to choke out.

“Halbrand’s not here right now,” his grin is mean, but his eyes are glassy and reflective of the horror in her own.

“Pity, he didn’t have an heir back then.” Sauron casts a nod towards the scroll rolling into the river.

“I suppose a dead man can still pass on his name.” She’s so busy watching her evidence disappear into the river, the elf doesn’t notice the human’s hand coming around her windpipe.

It’s a Maia’s strength that makes her fall.

two

“Dead-ringer,” she savors the word, rolling her hips as he thrust up into her. “I’m not the one who just said they’re fucking a look-alike for their mother.”

One would think that would be a shocking statement or a lethal insult. Instead, his lips just curl, and hands dig into her hips with enough force to bruise, slamming her down harder onto his cock.

“Do you want to stop, Mommy?”

When they were children, they had played house on her father’s country estate in Wales.

(Lord Sauron preferred child-free holidays. Had preferred to not remember he had a daughter, an arrestingly lovely woman now that could become a coveted treasure if shown off too much in the papers.

He preferred if she was kept isolated, with her brother as her keeper. To remain like a little girl, who was still content to play house with the boy she had been raised with.)

“Don’t you dare, Daddy.”

Their parents didn’t know it but they had never stopped playing house. After all, wasn’t that what they wanted? For neither of them to grow up?

three

“You can call me Narvi if you wish,” he says quietly, returning to his task as if he hadn’t just granted a rare privilege.

There was something lurking behind the set jaw of the Crown Prince, one didn’t need to have keen eyesight to see that.

Isildur doesn’t feel the need to ask why the elderly dwarf was so reluctant to relinquish the task to his son. Sure, the King was willing to have him pour out the dirty water.

Narvi’s face was stoic in the task, but there was a mutinous gleam in his eye.

(How his hand seemed to pat at his side each time he set down the empty metal basin could have been confused for a nervous tick.

But, as the ritual concluded and the small dwarf prince helped the elderly High King stand, Sauron swallowed the question he wanted to whisper in Durin’s ear.

‘What have you got in your pocket?’

It wasn’t much of a riddle.

But, power was a game that Sauron had seldom tired of. It was sacred and of immense antiquity, and even wicked creatures were afraid to cheat when they played at it.

Yet, there were beings with good hearts who sometimes realized that the only way to win, was to resort to less than honorable means.

[wizardnuke]

"skibidi toilet is ruining gen alpha" do none of you people remember asdf. i remember asdf.

[tododeku-or-bust]

Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.

[hjarta]

[xzyumi]

tang dynasty miku

[princehendir]

I swear to god that green day has had this exact same "scandal" like five times now.

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[trudlejack]

(+part 2)

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

imagination (1963) - harold ordway rugg

"chekhovs cat / schrödingers razor / occams gun"

[starbuck]

i say i like tragedies and everyone’s all like ‘why do you like sad stories? are you depressed?’ and never ‘how was the catharsis? was the catharsis fun?’

[buboplague]

a journey of pain, growth and persistence

(prints available here)

[kakusboyfriend]

Robot characters who are given names like SL-308-62 but instead of their human friend going Well let's call you Sally for short, they instead ask the other if they Like their current name.

"Do you like your serial number?" they ask. "Yes, quite. It reminds me of who I am" the robot replies. "I have heard others like me go by different names after some time, and maybe one day I'll choose one for myself, too. But right now that is my full name, yes" they continue.

Because it's not your decision to make whether or not the robot will receive a new name. It should be theirs only. What's the difference? One is more complex and the other is simplified. They were both given by strangers instead of themselves.

"62 will do," they conclude. "It's my model number - there will be no other 62 after me."

[allagashed]

whenever i say “screaming crying throwing up” this is what i mean