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izzyhandslightofmylife · 4 months

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Official statement on why Izzy's death affected me so much

Our Flag Means Death, is, at it’s core, is a show that focuses on queer joy- a form of therapy for those that have been raised on queerbaiting, shipping minor side characters, or watching, when nothing else is available, queer tragedies. You know how it goes- the two main characters, both male, have chemistry. They say things to each other that seem weirdly like declarations of love. They look at each other with love in their eyes. You see these things and the main man gets married off to a badly written, unfinished female character and is left feeling empty. The best friend dies for the main character to live. When everyone talks about how cute the main couple are, you want to scream all of a sudden, because nobody can see this love story play out except you. It’s queer, it’s tragic, and nobody else can understand it.

Not Our Flag Means Death. From the moment it aired, it was praised as a show with unabashed queer joy, which means more than I can possibly say. The two main male characters meet, they have chemistry, and they fall in love. It’s not implied, or hinted at, but blatantly obvious. Their romances and the queer romances around them attracted so many queer fans who felt that after so many years, this type of show was a vindication for what they had been through with other media.

In this show, piracy itself was that of a found family. Though Stede Bonnet and the crew of the Revenge start off with many differences, the core of the show centers around a theme that many queer audiences are attracted to: found family. The Revenge was depicted as a safe space, where everyone could express themselves freely, a refuge from a world of judgment. Queerness was not only accepted but normalized on The Revenge. No homophobia, no coming out, no typical complications of queer romance. Just love and safety. Warmth, which was Ed Teach wished for in purgatory. Which was what he found on the Revenge. The ship was a safe space that so many queer audiences had dreamed of.

Well, a safe space except for one person: Izzy Hands, Blackbeard’s First Mate, who was a man painfully stuck in the wrong genre. This is the general consensus by both fans and the cast: Izzy, Edward and their crew had been in a gritty action movie, whereas Stede and his crew were in a muppet movie of sorts. While the majority of Blackbeard’s crew quickly acclimates to and celebrates the change, Izzy doesn’t.

And right away, many fans felt a deep attraction to Izzy. The reason that Izzy couldn’t get Edward to love him was because, in the end, the only way that Izzy knew how to love was through blood. To give and receive pain in an action movie is one of the greatest forms of love, but Izzy fails to realize that Ed is not in an action movie anymore. He is happy with this stability, and the reason that so many people felt Izzy’s presence so was strongly was that he wasn’t.

So many queer people are, in a way, addicted to tragedy. Tragedy is all that is represented in queer media for the most part, or was until very recently. Take Achilles and Patroclus, one of the most celebrated and recognized queer love stories of both ancient and modern times. Why that one? There are other greek love stories, many of them queer. The tragedy of it- Patroclus’ death and Achilles’ rage- made it all the more appealing. Many in the audience of Our Flag Means Death were not comedy fans, they were horror or drama fans, attracted to a comedy because of the love story. But Izzy, to them, was a physical representation of who they were, carrying an awareness of homophobia, of blood and pain that so many queer relationships had previously been illustrated by (i.e. Hannibal). Though Ed may not have understand this type of affection, the audience did- Izzy’s Otherness from the crew despite it’s safety, his expressions of love and his unrequited love story were all things that the audience were familiar with feeling.

If Ed and Stede were good queer representation, Ed and Izzy, for example, were a foil of that. They were evil, messed up, and fed into the worst parts of each other because it brought them closer. This is a theme present in a lot of queer media, and by extension, queer lives: “if you love me, Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand”, is an excerpt classic queer poem about unrequited love that fits the situation. The very reason Izzy stuck in people’s heads because he was of a different genre. His grittiness and bitterness made sense to the audience. They saw Izzy and saw what was familiar. He was exquisitely written, simultaneously making even casual audiences both hate him, and against all odds, find him oddly endearing. The idea of this man sacrificing every inch of himself for an unrequited love was a concept of tragedy, leaking into a comedic show.

So fans projected onto Izzy. He was a catalyst for the heartache, for the audience’s sheer inability to have a happy show. For one reason or another, some of the audience simply couldn’t live with a show that was all fantastical, which I theorize is because they couldn’t see themselves in it. So Izzy became the epitome of queer suffering: pining longingly after another man that couldn’t understand him. This projection of suffering, however, led to a new wish: happiness for Izzy. If Izzy in Season 1 was a tragedy, assimilating him into the found family in Season 2 would have elevated the safe sense of the ship all the more. It would have proved to so many of these Izzy Fans that yes, even though you view yourself as unloveable, even though you see yourself as Israel Hands, Villain, even he can be loved too. Why can’t you be?

And Season 2, for the most part, delivered beyond our wildest dreams. Izzy had people who cared about him. And though the genre shifted into the darker, Izzy himself shifted slightly to the comedic side as well. His life, which had been centered for so long around a man that didn’t reciprocate his feelings, was gone. He started a new life, and this life, again, focused on queer joy. The queer joy from Season 1 was suddenly for everyone, even those like Izzy that couldn’t have understood it. He sang, he whittled, he talked about feelings, he dressed in drag. Many elder queer fans also saw Izzy as another metaphor, too: that queer joy can be attained overtime. You don’t have to have had it the whole time, but you can accept yourself even when you are older. The message of Izzy was one of resilience and stubbornness, one that the queer community needed to hear: that you don’t have to be like this, you don’t have to create pain for yourself. You don’t need to watch tragedies all the time. You, too, can heal from the past.

And then, the season finale happened. By this point, many argued that Izzy had stolen the show. Con O’Neil’s acting mixed with his general arc of self acceptance had made him a fan favorite. In the last episode, it is Izzy himself who sums it up perfectly, accepting that he belongs somewhere despite his pain and flaws. Despite the darkness within him, he was still accepted and loved. He says it right to the face of Prince Ricky, who thinks himself above it all. That piracy, a metaphor for otherness, wasn’t actually about being alone; it was about finding others that understood you when nobody else could.

Listen, this show is known for it’s nonsensicality. In the finale of Season 1, Lucius is thrown overboard by Ed and survives by simply swimming to another ship. Stede reunites with his crew by sailing a rowboat. Buttons turns into a seagull. Stede stabs Ed for a comedic bit. Earlier in the season, Izzy himself gets shot and survives. This queer joy show was celebrated for being, well, joyful. Even when things like getting thrown overboard did happen, they were, ultimately, a blip in the character’s journey towards acceptance, healing, etc, which was what made the show unique. Our Flag Means Death, whose audience had been living for years off of the “Bury your gays” trope, was adored because it illustrated a world where things didn’t have to be that way. A place where the impossible, such as Izzy Hands being loved, could happen. This show was one of survival.

But not for the one person that was seen to struggle with this concept the most. Not for the one person that was a metaphor for belonging in this place, who became, over the course of a season, the embodiment of the message itself. Not for the Unicorn, the very symbol of this magical, nonsensical ship. Not for the most stubborn, most indestructible, most enduring (queer) person in the show. Not for Izzy Hands.

This trope, honestly, was one that many have seen before, both in mainstream and queer media. A character, previously shown to be a villain or else to have gone through a lot of pain, is shown to heal, to get better, and then to die in order to “complete their arc”. This trope is common: Loki, Cas. even Ted Lasso, who doesn’t die but goes back to the very place that broke him in the first place. But the reason that Izzy’s death, while it might have been expected in another show, felt like a betrayal in this one is because it was known for subverting those tropes. From the “Bury Your Gays” to the “Up For Interpretation”, it was known to look those tropes in the eyes and say “fuck you, these people deserve to be happy”. And this did happen! Except for the one character who’s healing journey was one of the most relatable, at least to queer audiences.

What also made it so jarring was that all the other characters got to be happy, except for the one that had struggled with the idea of happiness the most. In the scene immediately after Izzy is buried, Lucius and Pete get married. In the scene after, a montage of queer joy and found family is shown amongst the whole crew. In the final scene, Ed and Stede, our main queer couple, are shown healing themselves and starting a new life together. The last shot, however, showed Izzy’s grave, visited by Buttons the seagull while Ed and Stede had dinner. A tragedy in it’s finest. It wouldn’t have been difficult for Izzy to live. Because, in the end, his death meant nothing. His healing meant nothing. He died and was moved on from in a matter of seconds. He was, as I mentioned, the catalyst for tragedy, more specifically, queer tragedy. But because of this, of his genre, Izzy didn’t get to live. He had to die in order for the rest of the characters to keep living in this fantasy world. This death was, in a way, a preservation of these other love stories.

I maintain, however, that it would have meant more if Izzy had lived. If he had been able to show to us that yes, despite what you have been through, despite what you may have inflicted upon yourself, you can switch genres. It’s possible. Izzy’s survival up until that point had been a profound testament to many that it is possible to heal, that queerness does not have to mean sadness. It would have continued to be a testament to that if only Izzy had lived. And so, this pirate that we latched onto, not in spite of his darkness but because of it, was buried on land on the side of the road.

As a side note, many previous incidences in the story point to the idea even though Ed and Stede will definitely stay together, it’s uncertain if the inn would have worked out. It’s likely that, being a whim, those two might have chosen to move, or go back to the sea, or sail to China. If this is true, they would have left Izzy’s grave by itself, like a family pet buried in the yard. If this is true, Izzy Hands, a metaphor for belonging, would rot alone.

Long live the tragedy addicts. Long live the Richard Siken poems. Long live Izzy Hands.

*When I talk about the "fandom" I am referring to the canyon.

#izzy hands #izzy hands apologist #izzy canyon #our flag means death #ofmd finale #ofmd #izzy hands death #izzy deserved better #ofmd fanfic #i guess #ofmd canyon #con o'neill #tragedy #oh uh happy new year #ofmd meta

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spamgyu · 4 months

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BACKBURNER // LAST PART (VERSION 1)

DESCRIPTION: She had grown tired of being on his back burner, the person that he had kept warm until he gotten the girl he has had his eyes set on for years... And with a little help from her friend, maybe... just maybe she'll finally be the first choice. PAIRING: Seungcheol x Reader | Mingyu x Reader GENRE: Angst & Fluff PART 4 | SERIES MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST

"I'm gong to the gym real quick." He nodded over to the door, his protein shake in hand.

The two had managed to go back to their sense of normalcy on their way back to the hotel – all thanks to him.

Judging from her reaction, he knew that if he didn't make the first move of bouncing back to who they were before that damn kiss, that stupid fucking kiss, she would let the thoughts consume her – driving in silence.

Mingyu had gotten a glimpse of losing her in his mind and he did not want to make it his reality.

Not if he could help it.

He chose to dismiss the tension and the elephant in the room and averted their conversation to anything but what had just happened.

And thankfully, she went along with it – sitting in the passenger seat continuing the conversation of the wedding that was set to take place in two days.

"Bring me back some chips, please." She smiled as she continued to select images for today's instagram upload.

"Yes, ma'am." He saluted before slipping in to the hallway.

The truth was, he didn't want to go to the gym. Hell, he didn't even know if he was going to actually go down to the amenity the hotel offered.

He just needed a breather – a moment to process what he had done... away from her.

Mingyu rounded the corner, bounding for Joshua's room when a door had swung open, revealing the one person he did not want to run into.

"Sup." He nodded, continuing his journey.

He was two steps away from him when Seungcheol called out his name, stopping him in his tracks.

"You said you'd do anything for y/n, right?" He spoke, walking over to Mingyu.

Puzzled with the sudden confrontation, Mingyu was unable to utter a reply – standing dumbfounded in the middle of the hallway.

"Right?" Seungcheol repeated.

"Y-yeah." He replied, his tone coming out more of a question; still unable to comprehend where the conversation was leading.

"I choose her."

Mingyu felt as though the floor underneath him began to chip away, his knees feeling weak.

"I– I fucked up before but I'm going to fix things." Seungcheol continued.

He scanned his friend's face, attempting to read him. Mingyu had known him for nearly six years now. They were once quite close, up until they let their egos and competative nature get the best of them – seeing everything as a game that they both needed to score against each other.

But y/n was different.

To Mingyu, this wasn't a game.

She wasn't a trophy he needed to win.

She was the one thing that he left untouched because she was worth far more than the silent warfare the two have seemed to put themselves in.

He needed to make sure Seungcheol was genuine – she was finally smiling, he was no longer wiping tears away. He needed to know that this wasn't just another play in Seungcheol's books.

And it killed him to see that Seungcheol's soft eyes, the silent plea behind his gaze.

"What does this have to do with me?" Mingyu toyed with the cap of his drink.

"I know she values your opinion and I can't have you stand in between my attempts to win her back." Seungcheol ran his hand through his hair. "She– look, I get it. I'm not your top pick for her, but– I need you to help me."

Help him.

Help him get the girl who he sees as his world, constantly in orbit around her.

The one that he couldn't imagine living the rest of his life with, even if it's just as her best friend.

"Help?" He raised his brows.

"I just need you to let me."

"Let you?"

"Mingyu, dude, come on." Seungcheol was practically begging him. "This is why you guys are pretending right? So you can get back at me? You got it, you got back at me. Please– just let me."

The past few days of bliss had blinded him, forgetting that Seungcheol had known their dirty little secret all along. He was so caught up with experiencing what it was like to have her that he had forgotten that it was meant to end.

This was the one thing she had been waiting for. The reason why they were in this predicament in the first place.

Sticking to his word of doing anything for the sake of y/n's happiness, Mingyu allowed for Seungcheol to sway him this one time.

"Is Sunhee out of the picture?" He countered.

"Wha– yes." Seunghceol nodded quickly. "It's done. It's been fixed. It's y/n."

Mingyu wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

Sunhee was out.

There was nothing else standing in the way between Y/n and Seungcheol.

Except him.

"Okay." Mingyu watched as Seungcheol let out a sigh of relief. "But you mess up one time– I don't care if it's you being two minutes being late, I'm stepping in and I'm going to make sure you don't ever come near her."

"I won't fuck up. Not this time around." He shook his head. "I– I need you to believe me."

"The minute Sunhee comes in between–"

"She won't."

"You better make sure of it."

Seungcheol nodded, bringing his hand up. "I promise."

Mingyu shifted his gaze down to the toy in his friend's hand. "Is that for her?"

Seungcheol let out a sheepish laugh. "Yeah it's uh– a peace offering. I saw it at the ranch we were at and thought of her."

Thought of her.

For once in a long time, he had thought of her.

This wasn't a game to him anymore – Seungcheol had finally taken her off of his backburner.

She was now his priority.

"Everyone still thinks we're together."

"No yeah– I know I just– I'm going to do this right. I know this thing won't fix everything, but I'll show her. However long it takes."

Mingyu swallowed the lump that began to form in his throat as another wave of reality hit him.

After this trip, she was no longer his. Even if it was all for pretend.

The pain began to take over his heart.

He knew this would have to end eventually, more now that he confirmed it with her reaction after their kiss, but he didn't think it would be so soon.

He knew he had to let go.

For her happiness.

"Do it right."

"I will."

Mingyu didn't dare say another word, feeling the lump grow larger as each second pass. He excused himself, continuing his walk to Joshua's room – taking one last glance as Seungcheol turned the corner to the direction of their room.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

She had fallen asleep before Mingyu returned to their room, exhausted both emotionally and physically from yesterday's events. Mingyu had managed to slip back into their room without making a single noise the night before, placing the bag of chips she had requested on their share nightstand that had divided their beds.

She would have thought the time alone with her thoughts, and the rest would be enough to put her mind at ease – but instead, the voices grew louder.

Pestering her the minute she opened her eyes.

He was still fast asleep on his bed, his body turned towards her.

Y/n couldn't help but stare at him as she replayed their moment together.

She had finally gotten what she wanted but why was the man, who pouted in his sleep, across from her plaguing her mind?

Why did he have to kiss her?

She was doing just fine.

She was perfectly fine with allowing Seunghcheol consumer her thoughts; like it had always had been in the last year and a half. She was content with turning a blind eye to all those times he had sent her wondering if continuing their little game of tag was worth it, only choosing to think about all the times he let her leave his home with buzzing feeling in her stomach.

But now, another player had entered the ring – sending her mind into a spiral of overthinking and despair.

She was unsure of many things, all except for two things:

The man she loved had finally chosen her.

Mingyu had kissed her and she did not feel the same buzzing feeling in her stomach.

But why is that she can't get the kiss out of her mind?

"Stop staring." He mumbled.

"You're drooling." Y/n cracked a smile.

His eyes shot open, his hand reaching up to his dry cheek. "Liars go to hell."

"Will you be my roommate there?"

Rolling his eyes, Mingyu sat up – stretching in his position. "Wanna get breakfast?"

Her mind was going at a 100 mph, but more importantly – she wanted to discuss with him what had happened when he left for the gym.

Aside from all the confusion, he was her best friend.

They told each other everything.

"Seungcheol came over last night." She blurted.

He paused his morning stretch. Of course Seunghcheol didn't disclose to her that he had run into Mingyu in the hallway. Why would he?

He had putting a great act since touching down on the island, what was another false shock look going to do?

"How was that?" Mingyu avoided her eyes, pretending to search for his phone under the covers.

"He– uh... we talked. He told me he chose me." She said slowly, keeping her eyes trained on him as he lifted his blanket, peering in.

"That's good, right?" Mingyu finally turned to face her.

The two kept their gaze, the sound of the the air conditioner starting up filling the air.

Why did she think he was going to say something else?

And why did he think she would be jumping for joy?

"No, yeah." She cleared her throat.

"What- what did you say?" He didn't want to hear what she had told him.

He would much prefer that he was left in the dark.

"I told him I'm with you."

"What?" He coughed.

"I mean, well– everyone thinks I'm with you so he can't– no stupid decisions." Y/n chewed at the skin inside her cheek. "Not until after the trip."

After the trip.

He had her until the end of the week.

That is, only for in front of their friends.

"Oh." He nodded.

"He seemed genuine. Never seen him so– I don't know, broken."

"I guess, you got in his head." Mingyu forced out a chuckle.

"Maybe. I just– Should I trust him?"

He licked his lips, letting Seungcheol's words ring in his ears.

"I need you to believe me."

"I can't answer that."

"Why?"

"Look," He scooted off the bed, taking a seat next to her. "At the end of the day, that relationship is between you two. I– He's the one you want right?"

Say no.

"Y-yeah."

"Do you want to trust him?"

Please say no.

"I think."

"Do you trust yourself?"

She turned to face him. "Wha–"

"Do you trust that you'll make the best judgement?"

"I hope so."

"I can't hold your hand for this one but I can pick you up if he lets you down. I'm always here." He sent her a warm smile.

All the voices in her head suddenly stopped.

The person she loved had finally chosen her and the man that had left her brain rattled all night had given her the confirmation that despite the minor slip up the two had, he wasn't going anywhere.

It was more than enough validation for her to know that no matter what, he will always be in her life as a best friend.

It was all simply a lapse of judgement.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

Seungcheol kept to his word.

He really was trying.

They were all gathered around the beach, for one last time before the wedding festivities began. And unlike last time, not a single snarky comment left his lips.

In fact, he seemed to happily carry on conversations with either her and Mingyu; with no signs of anger or annoyance painted on his face.

Hell, she was even caught off guard by his active actions of avoiding Sunhee – laying his towel down in between Jeonghan and Joshua, all while the girl settled for a spot at the end.

"I miss having the group back together like this." Jeonghan sighed, leaning back on his elbows. "We should do more destination weddings."

"Not everyone is bleeding money like you, Han." Joshua snickered.

"Seungcheol is." He countered. "Doubt he'll marry soon, though."

Seungcheol didn't care to protest, laughing along with a few of the boys.

It was all in good fun and teasing.

"Alright let's take bets on who's next to walk down the aisle." Seokmin clapped.

"Money's on Wonwoo." Mingyu took a bite of his spam musubi.

The one that Seungcheol had purchased just before heading to the beach.

"It's warm this time." He mumbled for only her to hear, setting the bag down for everyone to grab out from.

"I second that." Y/n laughed, holding her hand out for Mingyu to place the rice wrap in her hand.

"Get your own." He shook his head, pointing to the bag.

"I just want a bite!" She laughed, attempting to pry it from his hands – only for him to lean away. "Give it."

Taking a larger bite this time, Mingyu used his free hand to lightly push her away from him. "No!"

"God, I think it's going to be you two." Joshua grumbled while they were in their own world, practically wrestling over half a bite of musubi; earning a chorus of laughter from everyone else.

All except Sunhee and Seungcheol.

Though, Seungcheol had managed to hide his disagreeing thoughts well by putting on a fake smile – not wanting to blow his and their cover.

He was trying, after all.

"Yeah, if she doesn't break up with me." Mingyu chuckled, giving in and handing her what was left of his food.

He was planting seeds in their heads for their inevitable end.

"Thin ice, buddy." She joked back, happily popping the rice and spam into her mouth.

The day went on as if nothing was out of place; as if the three didn't hold on to a secret that would have sent at least half of their friend group in to an hour long debate. Possibly even causing a great division.

The three continued about their day pretending as though their minds weren't constantly being bombarded by second guesses and stolen glances.

They all had roles to play, keeping it up for the sake of the peace of the group; something that was quite rare. It been years since they were complete and they knew that ruining the dynamic of it all over a silly little game of charades was out of the picture.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

She found herself comparing the two, allowing for her brain and her heart to battle it out while she tried her best to keep a facade up that she had been fully present in tonight's event.

Jeonghan's rehearsal dinner.

She could have sworn she had silenced her mind earlier this morning, but she was proven wrong as the day went on – more than ever as Seungcheol had began his efforts to win her trust back.

It was almost as if her mind was keeping score for the two.

One minute, Mingyu was putting on a great act for their friends; staying by her side and doting on all her needs that she did not know needed to be met.

And in the short moments when she wasn't attached to Mingyu's hips, Seungcheol would find a way to approach her – making small innocent conversations. He made an effort to ask her about how she had liked the trip so far, taking note of how he seemed to be attentively hanging on to every word that left her lips. As if he was making a mental note of it all.

It had sent her head spinning.

"Getting a drink at the bar, you guys want anything?" Seungcheol announced, keeping his gaze on her.

His offer was mostly directed to her, eyeing her now empty wine glass.

A chorus of no's and no thanks were earned from those sat within earshot of him, Seungcheol lingering to see if she had caught on to his question.

Mingyu had taken notice of this, turning his head to the girl on his right – wondering as to why she had yet to reply.

She didn't hear him.

"She'll most likely want another glass of merlot." He replied for her, sending over a smile.

He was helping after all.

She had a blank stare – clearly lost in her own thoughts, drowning out the voices and chaos around her.

"Right." Seungcheol pulled his lips tight, excusing himself to the other side of the room.

Tapping her knee under the table, Mingyu leaned his body close to the girl. "You okay?"

Blinking away her thoughts, she turned to face him – taken back at his sudden close proximity. "Huh?"

"You're in another galaxy." Mingyu spoke, leaning away at the sight of her flinching.

"Sorry, just– tired." She hummed, reaching for her wine glass only to frown at the lack of it's content.

"Cheol's getting you more. He uh– offered." He sipped his water, answering her silent question.

The score was at a tie, yet again.

The night went on with ease and Y/n could have not been any more grateful that they were no longer obligated to stay seated in their assigned spots – making her way over to the bar while everyone else had decided to disburse throughout the riim.

"Making good use of the open bar, I see." Seungcheol chuckled, lining up behind her as they waited for their turn.

"Always a sucker for free drinks." She shrugged.

"Yeah, I remember from Mingyu's birthday last year." He snorted.

For his big two-five, Mingyu decided to ring in his birthday with a bang – somehow convincing their friend group that a trip to Vegas under his own expense was a great idea.

Within the first night, all but Mingyu and Y/n had tapped out; going a little too hard at the club. No one was able to hold their liquor down the way the duo did. While everyone was nearly begging for Mingyu to cancel their table at the day club, she and Mingyu were happily pregaming to cancel out their hangover.

"My liver hurts just thinking about tequila." She winced.

Seungcheol laughed, recalling to their last night at the party city; when she was out drunk by Mingyu. She had to be dragged back to her hotel room that night, unable to properly find her balance. "Yeah, Seokmin went sober for a good while after that trip."

"Oh my god, yeah." She laughed. "He was so traumatized."

Across the room, Mingyu was sipping his whisk; unable to peel his eyes away from the two. He truly did try to pay no mind to the curious voice that had been pestering him to walk over and find out what it was that had the two laughing.

Instead, he opted to keep his eyes on her – taking in how beautiful she looked.

Maybe that will get his mind off things.

Dressed in a plain yellow chiffon satin dress that ended just above her knee, with her hair pulled back in a low bun; he couldn't help but think how simplicity looked so good on her.

He could spend hours on end just look at her.

"It's cute how in love you guys are." Sunhee grinned, following his gaze.

All while everyone else were off mingling with guests, the two opted to stay back and hold the fort down – their day at the beach catching up to them.

They were no longer those young college students who were full of energy, their bodies unable to keep up with their jam packed days.

"Huh– oh yeah." Mingyu felt his cheeks grow hot as he looked down at the glass in his hands.

Sunhee had caught him staring, shyly attempting to hide the redness in his face.

"Look a you, all shy." She teased. "Being in love is a good look on you."

They weren't close.

Not even friends, they were acquaintances at best – they had only been around each other in group settings.

But like everyone else, she was well aware of the image he had; the same one her best friend had. He was well known to date around, never keeping a girl around for longer than a month.

"Thank you." He gave her a warm smile.

"At least you got to her before he did." Sunhee continued, her gaze following his – but her eyes trained on the man to y/n's right. "I– I didn't realize that I was fucking over her chances with him until the other day."

At least she was aware.

To her it was too late, but oh if she only knew.

"Did me a favor, I guess." He mumbled into his cup, before taking a long sip.

"He's a dumbass though, he never put her first."

It was like she had taken a knife and dug it into his skin, twisting it with each word that left her lips.

Silence fell between the two, but Mingyu knew she had more to say.

Maybe it was the liquor they had all consumed throughout the night, or the fact that she believes there was nothing else on the line, but Sunhee went on to speak. "We fought the other day. Because of her."

That caught his attention.

Mingyu whipped his head to meet her eyes, brows furrowed in confusion. "Why?"

"Well, not fought. I did most of the yelling. He's–" She rolled her eyes, clearly recalling back to her and Seungcheol's conversation at the zipline park. "If he had told me she had given him an ultimatum– God, how stupid could he be? Always thinking with his dick than his brain."

"He told you about Y/n making him pick?"

"Yeah, he thought we were having a moment at the damn ranch and tried to confess– Honestly, I think he finally realized that you guys are serious and wanted me as a last resort."

She was a stupid as her friend.

"Told him how stupid he was for letting her walk out. He should have chosen her. Can you believe him? God, I swear– He's irritates me." She ran her fingers through her curled her, letting out a frustrated sigh.

She was venting to him.

The knife was now buried deep in his gut and he was bleeding out.

Seungcheol had picked y/n in a panic, not because he wanted to. This was what he meant when Sunhee was out of the picture.

He wanted to get up from his seat and head straight to her. He wanted to whisk her away from him and tell her all that Sunhee had just spilled.

But he couldn't.

Mingyu glanced over at her, seeing her laugh at yet another word that had left Seungcheol's mouth; his heart sinking.

In all the times Y/n had talked about Seungcheol, it was all of moments of pain — claiming she wished things were different.

She had finally gotten all that she wanted and he couldn't take that away from her. It was far too selfish.

She was happy and that was all that mattered — and he'll just have to make peace with this.

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

To say the setting was beautiful was an understatement; the grassy lawn of the hotel had been transformed to any bride's dream.

Various kinds of white flowers lined the rows and the altar, creating a sight that only a girl could have imagined and pinned on her pinterest board.

Y/n's breath had been taken away when she had first taken a seat, snapping a few pictures before they were instructed to put all their devices away for an unplug ceremony.

She couldn't help but be in awe as the each second passed, shedding a few tears when she had caught a glimpse of Jeonghan's lips quivering at the sight of Eunji making her way down the aisle.

"Jeonghan," Eunji spoke into the mic, taking her turn to profess her vows in front of their guests; a wide grin on her face. "People often talk about how difficult relationships are and I happily can say that I can't relate to them. I get that relationships takes a lot of work, but being with you have never felt like this. It's like I clocked into a shift with my favorite coworker. Our days have always been filled with laughter, the only tears you've ever brought me were when you would make those stupid silly jokes that I love so much. They say love is hard but our love has been the easiest part of my life. And I guess, it's because you have made it so easy. You're not only my life partner but my best friend and I can't wait to start this new chapter of our life together. Today, as I stand here in front of our families and friends, I Park Eunji take you Yoon Jeonghan as my lawfully wedded husband."

While everyone clapped, some wiping away their tears, Y/n couldn't help but let here eyes stray to the line of groomsmen that stood behind Jeonghan — her eyes meeting Mingyu's for only a second.

He had been staring at her all while Eunji proclaimed her love for his friend, unable to help his mind from thinking about y/n.

The easy love that the girl spoke about had perfectly described how he had felt for y/n. Every single word, he could relate it back to her.

Mingyu had quickly averted his gaze back to the couple when he had caught her eyes staring back from the crowd — afraid of shedding any tears.

But that was the thing, Eunji's words had also struck a chord in her.

She kept her eyes in him, the boy that she had watch grow up alongside her — the one she called her best friend.

Eunji was right, love shouldn't be hard. It should be fun, it should be the easiest part of her day.

Just as all her times with Mingyu.

Oh my god, did she love him? Holy shit, she was in love with him

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

The party was at a full swing, the reception program wrapping up and the guest were invited to enjoy the remainder of the night on the dance floor — celebrating with the newly wedded couple.

The sound of a familiar chorus of voices intro blared through the speakers, a smile forming on her lips.

Baby I'm yours. And I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky.

It was her favorite song.

"May I have this dance?" Mingyu held his hand out, a playful grin on his lips.

There had been countless of drunken nights when the two had obnoxiously sang the words to the Arctic Monkey's cover. The two's go-to karaoke song.

It was both of their favorite love song.

"Disgusting!!" Seungkwan jokingly gagged from his seat as she took Mingyu's hand — allowing him to lead her to the center of the room, joining other paired up bodies.

"Yours until the poets ran out of rhyme..." Mingyu sang, spinning her.

A laugh emitted from her lips as he caught her, dipping her before they swayed like two idiots.

"You look beautiful tonight." He complimented.

"As opposed to..." She narrowed her eyes.

"Your usual look." He replied without missing a beat, knowing that she was simply joking to counter her sudden confession.

"You clean up pretty well, too... I guess." She rolled her eyes.

It wasn't a guess.

She had nearly let out an audible gasp when he stepped out of the bathroom this morning – wearing his assigned black and white suit. She had been so used to his hair always in his face that when she had caught sight of his perfectly groomed hair, showcasing his face, this morning, she could have sworn she nearly swooned.

"Thanks, because this neck tie is choking me." He reached up loosening the fabric — earning a giggle from the girl.

He was going to miss this close intimacy.

Their end was nearing and he could see the end of the road.

More importantly, he could see Seungcheol eyeing him from across the way — nervously swallowing the drink in his hand.

It was his last night with her.

His last dance.

"Hey— about the kiss." Her voice pulled him out of his thoughts, looking down at her.

She was chewing at her lip, the now faded lipstick she had applied earlier in the night faded — showing they had once again become pale.

Mingyu was transported back to a couple of days ago, when they were sat atop the Jeep. His heart sinking as he remembered how devastated she looked once he pulled away.

"Don't worry about it." It pained him to say it.

And it pained her to hear it.

"It was a mistake." He continued.

It wasn't a mistake. I wanted it to happen. He thought.

It shouldn't be a mistake. It's you that I want. The voice in her head screamed.

"Oh."

"I got caught up in the moment."

I've been waiting for that moment.

It was the perfect moment.

She felt as though her heart had been stomped on.

Ripped out and chewed.

It was him that she chose.

Her heart, the one she could have sworn was reserved for Seungcheol, had won the wrestling match — Mingyu had won.

Only, it was a pity that he clearly didn't feel the same.

And god forbid she was going to opt for being on someone's backburner yet again.

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