#and we are actually really friendly in DMs now and we even joke about it. we message eachother any time we get a comment about it

[lazylittledragon]

so uhhhhhhhh. not to be cryptic and bitchy on main but congratulations to everyone in my messages for like 5 months on being right i guess

[gingerjunhan]

Hellooooo!

It's 🧈 and I wanted to request smthg with Jun han.

So like Jun han x reader where Jun han is just. Idk how to explain it😓

Like as if he has the vibe of his live where he played the guitar. Like he was so cute and I just wanted something that kinda embodies how he spoke and interacted with people on the live.

Like he's just so real and super sweet to reader and they're in front of the rest of xdh being verbally affectionate and being cute together.

Not really shy Jun han since he's not as shy as he once was, but just real Jun han. Like he's a best friend first and boyfriend second.

Reader and Jun han just have a lot of chemistry and are just making xdh melt at how perfect they are for each other.

Also kinda like his bubble video where I think he ate a bug? His vibe in that video was just so light hearted.

I just need light hearted, best friend bf, verbally and physically affectionate, and just overall just a super real Jun han.

Feel free to dm if you don't understand what I'm trying to say😭😭

☆彡🧈anon this is literally SO CUUUTE :( I love this idea! I've literally watched the Instagram live you're talking about so many times. I'll like it here if anybody wants to watch it 🫶🏻

word count: 795 | pronouns used: none | genre: fluff, established relationship | cws: petty friendly banter, Jun (jokingly) calls reader "babygirl", there is not a moment of peace in this house, this was actually proofread‼️💪🏻

Another night in the Heroes dorm rolled around, and you were no stranger to their company. You all had known each other for a while- becoming friends with the group right before it was announced that they were going to debut. Now, roughly three years of friendship had passed, and you were basically the 7th member of the household. You could show up at roughly any hour of the day, and nobody would bat an eye. You’ve always been especially close to Hyeongjun, so when you both announced to the others a while back that the two of you had started dating, nobody was surprised.

The evening was going on as normal. Jooyeon and Jiseok were playing some game together in the living room, screaming at both each other and the TV. Jungsu seemed to be playing moderator between the two of them. You’d eventually hear a “Jiseok, calm down!” shouted from Jungsu, which was always followed by Jooyeon’s distinct laugh. Gunil, who was also a bystander to all of this, only seemed to be egging the two boys on with his own laughter, Seingmin, who was sitting in the corner, scrolled through his phone, and seemingly wanted to have nothing to do with the entire ordeal.

“How much time is left on the oven?” Hyeongjun asked you. It was his turn to cook, so you decided to pitch in and help him.

“Roughly 10 minutes,” you answered. You gave Hyeongjun a smile as he made his way across the kitchen towards you. He wrapped his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder as you chuckled. “You hungry?”

He nodded, grimacing a bit. “The food smells so good,” he whined. You couldn’t help but chuckle again.

“I know,” you rubbed his back. “Just a couple more minutes.”

As the two of you basked in each other’s embrace, you heard a voice come from the doorway into the kitchen.

“Ew,” they said simply. You and Hyeongjun pulled apart to see Seungmin. “Can you guys go be cute somewhere else so you don’t spoil my appetite?”

Hyeongjun laughed. “Sorry. Dinner will be ready soon.”

“Thank god,” Seungmin scoffed. “Maybe Jiseok and Jooyeon will finally shut up while we eat.”

“I heard that!” Jiseok called. Just as Seungmin was about to make a snarky joke, the timer on the oven went off.

“Foods done!” You called. The others came racing into the kitchen, grabbing plates and serving themselves. Everybody sat down and began to eat together, marveling at how good the food was. Lighthearted banter took over the room as everyone ate.

“This food is amazing,” Gunil spoke up, looking to you and Hyeongjun. “Thank you for cooking.”

“Yeah,” Hyeongjun added. “Thanks for your help, sweetheart. Everything tastes great.” One of his hands found its way to yours, giving it a squeeze.

“Aww, sweetheart,” Jooyeon teased, batting his eyelashes. You couldn’t hold back the laugh that escaped you. Hyeongjun laughed along as well, being used to the younger ones' antics.

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Hyeongjun defended in a teasing way. “Unless you want me to use other names. Like, babygirl, or-”

“Nope! That’s enough!” Jooyeon gave up as you and Hyeongjun started to laugh harder. The two of you didn’t use pet names often, but when you did you were commonly made fun of by the others. So, sometimes, you guys would call each other the cringiest names you could think of just to mess with the others. After that, the dinner banter shifted again, finding it’s way to a new topic of conversation.

Once dinner was over and everything was cleaned up, everybody went back to their own separate activities. You and Hyeongjun made your way to his room, tucking yourselves away for a long night of doing nothing in particular. Hyeongjun turned on a show, and you started rooting through his clothes, looking for something new for you to steal. You found a shirt that you liked and threw it on. Hyeongjun smiled adoringly at you, and then there was a knock at his door.

“Hey,” Jiseok called from the other side. “Can I borrow your tuner? I left mine at the studio.”

“Yeah,” Hyeongjun called back. “You can come in.” Jiseok opened the door and was instantly met with you in your new shirt. He looked over you.

“I like your shirt, (Y/N).”

“Thanks,” Hyeongjun answered before you could, handing Jiseok his tuner. “It’s mine.”

Jiseok let out a sigh, “Of course it is.” With that, he turned and left, closing the door behind him. Hyeongjun once again made his way over to you, wrapping his arms around you. You returned the favor, relaxing in his hold. Hyeongjun sighed.

“You’re taking that shirt home, aren’t you?”

“Oh, absolutely,” you giggled.

taglist: @dazzlingligth , @mini-mews , @mxlly143 , @somethingaboutcheese , comment to be added!⁎⁺˳✧༚

[shit-talk-turner]

I don’t necessarily think mods agree with every bullshit anon says. I know you don’t. But you choose what’s gonna be the topic of the day and it’s highley opinion-forming. (mostly negative) You don’t say much and still influence others. Provoke and wait. Share and get other people to spread it. „Smart”. That way it’s never your fault. „Oopsie”. No remorse whatsoever even though you’re responsible for a lot of weird comments on a different platform and some really creepy profiles PRETENDING to be „fan accounts”. (they’re getting blocked for a reason, another long story) Because being annoying on here is not enough. But what can you do? Admit it? It’s easier to shift the blame and call people crazy. Oversensitive, of course. Looks like someone who cares is a big turn off you. 😜 Into bad boys much? Get well soon, honey. (Sorry, bad joke, we don’t romanticize it here, I know….unless…)Anyway. A lot of blogs are problematic but this one is the final boss? Probably the most active one? Not sure. But it’s famous for sure. Even for people who forgot Tumblr existed. Apparently it’s not just „a shit chat” here?

Manipulating younger, more naive fans it’s easy. A bunch of fake screenshots is all you need. Little minions will eat that shit up and spread it for you.

What a hero. Girl „ended” racism but invented a whole new genre of misogyny. Did we just end old misogyny to replace it with a modern, more subtle, yet still effective one? Like it never went away, you just got better at hiding it. Eh. If you want others to grow and apologize for their mistakes, how about you do something different once and use your platform for good? Boo. Boring 🤣 I know I’m crazy for asking that. You’re clearly way more influential than you claim to be. So own it. How about one thing that will make someone smile, for a change. SINCE YOU’RE SO OBSSESED WITH SMILES. Such a waste of potential. Smh.

Also tell me, how is it that you’re always against taking it from here to harass people on other platforms? And little minions still come back here with „Hey. I sent them a DM.” LOL! Saying that only out of guilt and then again, my personal fav: „I didn’t advise that.” Wow, thank you but it’s clearly not working and you’re aware of it as it’s been proven many times before and that, right here, makes you a part of the problem. Btw. Being able to read someone like an open book by one facial expression would be a great superpower. I absolutely agree! I guess we all dream of that one from time to time. We can joke about it, that’s for sure. But if you take joking/humor to like, seriously diagnose? a „toxic relationship”, now that’s something I’d call a stretch. Sorry, I laugh every time you say but they’re just „famous people”so it’s okay - that’s even worse. Maybe with people you actually know in real life you’d be at least slightly more accurate, so you’re only digging yourself a deeper hole, eh. Now say you don’t do that, look up the comments some people leave and tell me you never „kinda agreed” on that here. Yup. I’m not saying this blog is the worst thing that happened to humanity just because I say some things here 🤣 Yeah, there are bigger problems. Lol. I think the root of the issue here is that a lot of you are desperate for answers of things you’ll never get answers for which only leads to frustration. :(

A friend somewhere posts a comment and you’re all like „it has to be trolling”, if a friendly, wholesome, completely harmless comment is trolling to you - then what the fuck is this? Everything that’s NOT cruel to her can’t be real, smh. If you wanna troll, make it clear it’s a science fiction blog then? We are all hypocrites to some degree, yeah. I’ve made peace with that long ago. But the level here…. PS. delete your little #alexturnerwouldyoumarryme cute, innocent hashtag from all the „fan” accounts you have while you still can. Cause who knows(JOKE) maybe, one day, you’ll date him(no) and his whole fanbase will try to cancel you for it. 🤣Well, not cancel-cancel but them twisting it and using it against you at some point is inevitable. I think you often use this one here to prove…dishonesty? Whatever. All of the above is just the tip of the iceberg 🤣 TLDR.

So this is the last time we’re going to post your mania rants so if you want to continue this discussion we can do it off anon or you can start your own shit talk blog about us to post your manifestos. We appreciate that you think we’re the big bad boss of the AM underground or something, but we really don’t have that much power. There is no manipulation or cancelling happening here, just gossiping. We don’t care what other peoples opinions are as long as we can all play nice and keep it to some light hearted shit talk. We do not hate Louise like you seem to think we do and I guess you missed how often we do defend her (or delete unnecessarily hateful, disgusting asks about her). It seems you are genuinely misunderstanding a lot that is happening here or mistaking us for fans elsewhere or accounts elsewhere and are clearly having some kind of obsessive episode where we are concerned. We recommend you step back and do something else with your time because this is absolutely not healthy.

[chaoticincompetent]

Thinking about accessibility around neurodivergence in TTRPGs, specifically D&D because that's the main game my group plays...

Here are a few things that help me play better/more easily, as someone with ADHD and possible autism (a very personal, non-exhaustive list!)

Taking Breaks (and Other Self Care)

Self-care is everything. 'Nuff said. End of story.

No Judgement

Being able to say "that RP was intense and everyone was talking at once - I'm going to put the kettle on for a sec" and have everyone understand. Or "can you repeat that again, DM? I promise I was listening but the information just donked off my brain."

Every member of our group has done this at various points - we're only human! (Or tiefling/elf/goblin/whatever).

Taking Notes in Character

Warning: this can lead to burnout if not careful! And may not work for everyone. But if I'm notetaking, it's sometimes easier to stay focused.

Cheat-Sheets / Note-Cards

Character sheets are complex, with tons of dense info.

My current character is lvl12 artificer. She has A LOT of weird stuff/abilities at this stage and I can't remember them all (there's a running joke with the DM that she only wears her clockwork amulet for the aesthetic because I keep forgetting the bloody thing exists), so I made a couple of cards with a brief breakdown of what I can do and tape them near the computer screen.

It's far less intimidating than the full character sheet for quick decisions, and I think I'm playing her much more effectively now.

DM "Nudge"

Whose go even is it? Combat can become chaotic but a quick reminder from the DM about where we are/what the hell is going on is really helpful (and knowing the turn order has a similar effect in helping to plan next moves.)

Everyone says "don't try to be Matt Mercer/Brennan Lee Mulligan etc" which is 100% right. But one thing I LOVE that I've seen Mercer do a lot is this little nudge.

"Barbarian, you're up (Rogue, you'll be next). Barbarian, you're surrounded by wargs and Cleric is unconscious: what do you do?"

It's clear, it's concise, it's a reminder of the character's specific perspective as opposed to the overwhelm of the entire battlefield. I try to do this when I DM (which is only very rarely).

Visual Aids

Mostly, we play remotely on Roll20 or Forge. Occasionally, we've used Owlbear Rodeo projected onto a wall for IRL games.

Life-changing.

I had NO IDEA how much I was struggling with theatre-of-the-mind combat until there was another option (apparently, aphantasia is a thing and "the mind's eye" is not a metaphor. Who knew???)

YES to being able to actually see where everything is!

There are probably a million other things (and I may add to the post as I think of stuff) but these are the ones that come to mind.

Ultimately, it's pretty much all about the good vibes and the friendly support of the rest of the group... with a couple of very minor adjustments where those might be useful.

I'm wondering what helps other players?

[lostmyremembrall]

congratulations on 1K! you definitely deserve it! I absolutely adore your characterization for tom, and am always so excited whenever you post!

I would love to join the event if it's still going on! could i request the diadem (👑)? my name’s jennifer, im a slytherin, and i grew up with tom at wools orphanage. im physically affectionate, love to read and explore, and i like to joke around, lightly flirt with, and tease people. i normally keep most people at arms length though, so its rare for me to become close to anyone. when i truly care for someone though, i love to spoil them and spend time with them. i normally seem unapproachable, but im actually pretty friendly. im sure that after enough time has passed, id have fallen for tom, but i don't think he'd be interested, so im sure id bottle it up inside of me.

sorry if thats too detailed! i got carried away thinking about it! would it be possible to do tom riddle era (1930's - 1940's)?

once again, thank you for the fun event, and i hope you enjoy writing for our lord and savior tom riddle as much as we all enjoy reading your stories! 💚

👑𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐨𝐠𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬

𝓙𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓲𝓯𝓮𝓻

A/N: Thank you so much for your request! As I was writing this, I kept thinking how perfect of a pair you and Tom would make! But alas, you've asked for a diadem so I'll stick to your storyline of unrequited love.

I am sorry this took so long, and I appreciate your patience! I'm also sorry that this got rly long. I feel like it ended up being more like a fanfic rather than an HC. If you're not happy with it, or feel like this character isn't really you (especially the decision you make to forgive Tom at the end), feel free to DM and I'll redo it!

𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝐽𝑜𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 1𝐾 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡! Now closed

𝐎𝐫𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬

You were born the same year as Tom. With Tom's birthday being the last day of the year, you are always older than him, a fact Tom's not particularly fond of.

It took a long time for Tom to come around, but he had plenty of time to observe you and understand you as a person before approaching you for an alliance.

Needless to say, surviving an orphanage in the 1920s brought you and Tom close.

You two had to stick together in these hard times if it meant surviving your childhood. The malnutrition. Cholera. Tuberculosis. The flu. There were plenty of opportunities for either of you to die.

When the two of you were being scolded by Mrs. Cole, you two would hold hands together in solidarity.

Even with your eyes turned to the floor, you knew Tom was next to you, going through the same thing. And that was comfort enough for the two of you.

That meant if either had a chance to steal some food from the local vendors, you were sharing it.

One time, Tom managed to steal a candy bar called 'Milky Way' from America.

As malnourished children, the two of you ate that up in minutes.

It's one of your fond memories, hiding in the alleyway after school as the two lick your fingers clean.

Tom knew you were loyal, a trait he most appreciated about you. He knew that whatever he did to other orphans, you weren't going to rat on the Matron.

Tom displayed his magic first, and of course, he showed it to you and you only.

When you displayed your magic, he was disappointed at first, that he wasn't the special one.

But, as soon as he realised that his magic was superior to yours (and everyone's, the nerve of him), he grew to appreciate that he can share this with his closest friend.

--

It felt like winning the lottery when you both got the visit from Dumbledore.

The world was your oyster, free to explore and take to your content with Tom.

Visiting Diagon Alley together, and shopping for Hogwarts as you two experienced everything new, is also one of your cherished memories.

A sense of solidarity brought you two even closer, to challenge and learn about the new world together. You two were literally inseparable.

A lot of your time is spent with Tom, exploring the wizarding world, whether through books or in real life.

After spending your first night in the Slytherin dorm, you and Tom met up to discuss. You both agreed that, in order to survive this pureblood frenzied house, it would be wise not to disclose about the muggle orphanage you two grew up in.

𝐀𝐜𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐬

You are an excellent student, always learning and reading.

Professors do notice your teasing remarks in class when someone embarrasses themselves. But, some professors enjoy your comments and are more lenient than others as long as it's not too disruptive.

You're quite good at Care for Magical Creatures.

After having to take care of some creatures during class, some of these beasts really grew on you.

You spoil them by stealing some food from the kitchen or the Great Hall, giving them a taste of "real food" as you say.

In the later years, when you and Tom stopped sneaking into the kitchen, this comforted you and replicated the endearing memories of sharing food with Tom.

Being the high-achieving Slytherin that you are with the actual ability and interest in classes, you easily make it to prefect.

Dumbledore is somewhat cautious of you, suspecting that you might be enabling Tom.

𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

You may be intimidating at first, but you end up being quite popular as people figure out that you're friendly and kind, unlike some of the Slytherins.

Your jokes and teases are funny, and everyone knows it's always a fun time when you're involved.

Others may think they know you quite well.

But, you know that they don't know the real you. You wouldn't call them your close friends.

Really, the only person that would fit that category is Tom, who's practically known you for your entire life.

With your fun, flirty nature and teases, some people turn bright red, not used to the direct advances. And they love that. They love your attention and tease.

Needless to say, you get quite a few letters from secret admirers.

(𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝) 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐓𝐨𝐦

The first few years felt just like before with Tom, just in a different environment.

Sneaking out of the dorm at night to explore the castle.

Stealing some late-night dessert from the kitchen to eat on top of the Astronomy Tower, enjoying the sugar that is definitely a luxury back home.

Sneaking into the Forbidden Forest. Exploring Hogsmeade.

Only Tom got your special attention. You would spoil him with your time and love and gifts.

Tom was the same. He truly cared for you and you only, and he expressed his appreciation for you in a similar way.

Before you go to sleep, you'd find a small box, hidden underneath your pillow.

However Tom got into the girl's dorm will remain a mystery.

Sometimes, they're notes detailing the earnest feelings he couldn't confide to anyone else. His anxiety. His fears. His joy.

Oftentimes, they're expensive jewellery, maybe purchased, maybe stolen.

"The prettiest jewellery for the prettiest girl I know"

The note would say in a childish attempt at being suave.

But, starting 4th year, things began to feel different. He's grown tall. His intellectual eyes always looking straight ahead. His sharp cheekbones and jawlines signalling his approaching adulthood.

You began to feel a flutter in your heart every time he caught your eyes in class.

--

At the same time, you noticed a change in Tom as well. You couldn't quite place it, but it felt like he was growing out of your reach.

Like you weren't just two kids that goof around anymore.

Some would say that's only natural as children begin to recognise the changes and differences between the genders. But, you felt like there was something more than just that.

He would spend hours in the library, researching something.

It no longer seemed like having fun exploring with you was the priority for Tom, as he focused on his studies and his achievements.

His talents were unheard of, and you felt the bitterness that he was going to places you cannot follow.

He would still hang out with you, though it was no longer just you he hung out with. Abraxas Malfoy, Lestrange, Avery, and a few other Slytherins began taking up Tom's time.

It seemed like they were meeting late at night without you. When you inquired Tom about it, he merely chuckled,

He'd lift your chin up with his fingers with a smirk

"Wouldn't want to join some vulgar conversation of teenage boys, do you?"

You'd freeze under his teasing gaze. Who wouldn't?

Taking your silence as a cue for agreement, Tom would run his thumb over your cheeks.

"Now, smile - for me."

Countless times you've thought about telling him, writing to him about how you felt about him.

But, you'd see his large shoulders, hunched over the table as he focused on assignments or creating new spells

And every time, you'd end up swallowing the words, knowing Tom had his mind set on things greater than romance.

--

It's in the late 5th year when you begin to worry about Tom's mental health.

One night, he comes bursting into your room. Agitated, he is pacing back and forth in front of you.

He knows your loyalty, so he knew he could only come to you to open up about the murder he's just committed.

It finally dawns on you what had been distancing you from Tom this whole time.

It was his hidden obsession with his family line, the Dark Arts, his rage and vengeance: all of the things Tom had kept from you this whole time.

You place a comforting hand on his trembling cheeks as he looks up to you with teary eyes, almost pleading silently, as if begging for your forgiveness. Your acceptance.

As you look into his eyes, his face line still retaining a bit of that youthful innocence, you'd wonder 'where it all went wrong.'

Where did your Tom go? That endearing boy who would steal candy bars for you. That kind, protective boy who would gift you jewellery, calling you his 'one and only.'

You seriously pondered, whether you recognised the Tom in front of you. Whether you were ready to forgive him.

But still, you couldn't get the image of his kind smile out of your mind. The way he used to smile before it all went to shit.

His soft lips curved in a similar way, still. His eyes still shimmered innocently, still.

In the end, you made him promise not to delve into Dark Arts again. It ends here.

And that he'll come to you whenever his rage and vengeance overtook him.

Tom flashed the most beautiful smile up at you. A tear pouring out in relief.

He took your hands and hastily pressed his lips to it, causing you to feel a clenching pang in your heart.

"I promise, Jennifer," he said with a smile. "I won't let you down."

We all know that Tom wouldn't keep his promise.

[astrobydalia]

💭 Astro notes: Gemini moons⚡️

Work by: astrobydalia on tumblr

⚡️ Gemini moons can actually be cold as hell. They are the real CEOs of emotional detachment and coldness when they want. They're air AND mutable so I'm not exaggerating when I tell you they don't give a fuck, they're SO easy to drop something and not give a single fuck anymore. This is not because they are emotionless, I honestly feel like this is because they actually dislike intensity, drama or overly-seriousness and much like their sister sign they prefer things to be chill and light hearted. That's why if you come to them with your unnecessary and irrational bullshit they'll sign out like “🤨.... kay bitch bye😂”

⚡️ They only stick with people who they can really understand and stimulates them every now and then with either long interesting convos or quick but multiple interactions. To illustrate, one of my best friends is a Gemini moon and he told me once that he loved the fact that I had multiple accounts on IG cus that way we can have multiple convos at the same time in the DMs

⚡️ They also like people who don't take things too seriously. They are very humorous and like all sorts of jokes and a lot of times they can be super cut-throat so they won't like someone that is way too dramatic about everything they say and can't have a flowing conversation with.

⚡️ They only vibe with people who they can just chill with and send dumb memes to each other one day and talk about the social stigma around mental health issues the other

⚡️ Gemini moon people are SOOOO well-liked tho. Like I've noticed even when they're are introverted they are low-key so fucking popular and so many people love their energy and talking to them. They also have an ease to talk to possibly everyone and they always feel super friendly and close honestly

⚡️ This is because they are very friendly, funny and light-hearted and they usually have a very approachable boy/girl next door vibe. They definitely don't make people feel judged and that's a huge plus

⚡️ However, I've noticed Gemini moons are that type of people who vibe with everyone but deep down is friends with no one, like they go around "befriending" every soul but could low-key be loners and have very few true friends/people they care about

⚡️ Discussing anything emotional with a Gemini moon is like discussing feelings with a computer program. Like "we've found the rational explanation/solution to your issue why you still crying?" energy. Again, this is not because they are emotionless this is because this is the way they processes their own emotions and that't how they genuinely feel good. For them what makes them feel good and at ease and "nurtured" is rationalizing things and understanding and knowing the reasons for something, so that's how they provide emotional support -by finding a logical explanation- cus that's what makes them feel at ease.

⚡️ In consequence, this makes them extremely curious people, they NEED to understand the reason behind everything and they won't stop until they understand it. If a Gemini moon has a question, they WILL get an answer for it one way or another, they're like "well, now I need to know it damn". Amazing researchers.

⚡️ They were probably the type of kid who would ask why to everything and would NEVER accept a "I can't tell you why" for an answer and be like "no no TELL MEEEEE!!!"

⚡️ Making a decision "from the heart" is something they prefer to avoid, like what do you mean make an irrational???? decision??? Furthermore, I feel like for them making a decision from the heart IS racionalizing things because the world of emotions is directly brought to the realm of thought and reason, so they honestly embody a very interesting blend between heart and mind

⚡️ They seem to feel attracted to people that are a total mess in some way. They like that all over the place energy. They just love that stimulation. They also want someone that makes them laugh much like their sister sign

⚡️ Could also go for people that are completely different than them because like I said, they enjoy understanding things, so the journey of trying to understand someone that is very different or all over the place is very stimulating for them. The down side is that they can get bored eventually so that's why Gemini moons kinda like people who have a certain level of unpredictability

⚡️ When underdeveloped, they could become overly-rational to the point where they become extremely cold and self-serving. Like they would approach things rationally and therefore be like "okay but what's the most convenient outcome/choice for me then?". Like they could approach everything very coldly as if it was some equation to solve and only care about the most "rational" outcome which, rationally, would mean the most convenient for them. They can basically have that "it's logical, therefore it's good/correct" approach towards EVERYTHING and this can make them very cold people

⚡️ A lot of times they are total nerds and they like being seen as intelligent. It's common for them to take a lot of pride in knowing a lot about a certain thing specially if they also have Sagittarius energy

⚡️ When it come to being good listeners.... gemini moons are honestly hit and miss to be honest. Mostly miss if you ask me. They can A LOT of times be that type of people who in a conversation they don't really listen they just wait for their turn to talk. Sometimes they don't even respond they just talk lmaoo. Most of the times while you're talking their mind is racing, deep down they're having a conversation with themselves in their head and they're externalizing it to you. They're also prone to interrupting to just make a comment or be like "ohhhh that reminds me of.... !" *proceeds to tell a long-ass anecdote*. Like this is no shade seriously, I’m a Mercury dominant so I understand that y'alls mind just CAN'T STOP and you don't like staying too focused on just one thing at a time, but honesty having a convo with y'all requieres a bit of patience lmao.

⚡️ I've noticed however that with the people they care about they genuinely listen, they take it upon themselves to find a racional solution for their loved ones

⚡️ They are very cut-throat and straight forward, they like short and straight forward answers that makes them understand things in a pinch. If they asked a simple question don't come to them with a whole thesis

⚡️ The only times when they like to give long elaborated answers is when it comes to story-telling. Have you ever read ANYTHING written by a Gemini moon?? One of the best things you'll read for sure. Literally so talented and have so much eloquence, and they're also the best at providing short but entertaining and enriching info.

⚡️ I've noticed Gemini moons are either very happy-go-lucky people or have a RBF and tend to be super snarky

⚡️ RANDOMLY CONTINUING A CONVERSATION YOU LEFT UNFINISHED THREE MONTHS AGO AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED LIKE "YEAH, AS I WAS SAYING.." IS MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT Y'ALL

⚡️ Also, Gemini moon's ability to be telling you a story and in the middle of it spend 20 min telling another long-ass side story that is likely unrelated and swiftly recap the main story as if there was no interruption whatsoever.... y'all are fascinating

⚡️ A lot of times Gemini moons have siblings (usually older) and their siblings are probably the most important relatives they have in their life. I’ve also noticed it’s common for the Gemini moons to be the middle sibling

⚡️ When it come to mothers I’ve noticed Gemini moons have multiple mothers/nurturers. For example they could have step parents, they were raised by their mom and grandparents, etc. Whatever the case may be there’s an energy around them where they had multiple mother, multiple homes (divorced/separated parents), multiple people that took care of them here and there, etc. And the native often felt like these people came and went.

⚡️ If this is not the case then Gemini moons have very scattered mothers. In most scenarios they have a mother that is always busy, probably has multiple jobs or something like that. The native was kinda left to roam around on their own mostly.

⚡️ The native may be used to having quick and light-hearted interactions with the mother as if talking to your sibling. And also long interesting conversations as if chatting over coffee with their mother type of energy. The relationship with the mother may not feel very serious and a bit detached

⚡️Their mother probably treated them very “rationally” like if the native came to her with an issue their mother would be like “well what can we do about it?” much like what I explained before about finding a rational solution to things and not so much corny emotional support.

⚡️ The mother may be younger than average or she looks young or the native was raised by someone young like an older sibling or a nanny

⚡️ Gemini moons may be used to constant short rides (through car, train, etc.) around the city/country throughout their childhood usually with the purpose of visiting relatives

⚡️ As kids they probably had lots of extracurricular activities

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[wonjaekook]

One Minus One Plus One

Pairing: college student!Mark x college student!reader

Description: In all of the years you’ve known Jungwoo, you should have figured out to not take his words at face value because, though you haven’t even met, Mark Lee seems to hate your guts.

Word Count: 9.9k

Genre: kind-of-enemies to lovers! fluff? angst? humor? I honestly don’t know how to categorize this

Warnings: vaguely suggestive ending, some minor swearing

A/N: This is my (late) holiday gift for a friend and to you all, I suppose. It’s an enemies-to-lovers but not really, as they’re not really enemies and it’s more passive-aggressive!Mark and very confused!Y/N. To the intended - I love and appreciate you so much; thank you for always supporting me and listening to me ramble about even the most ridiculous ideas <3 If you ever need anything, I hope you know that you can always shoot me a text or DM! Please enjoy c:

Mark Lee is always sweet. It’s the kind of sweetness that’s warm and fulfilling, leaving a pleasant feeling in the pit of the stomach, like a steaming up of hot chocolate rather than a strikingly sweet popsicle. His nature isn’t something he particularly prides himself on, as it’s partially unintentional, driven by awkwardness and politeness at times, or by the compulsion to simply make people happy. Jungwoo has told him that he’s allowed to be a little more selfish once in a while, he’s allowed to say no and take breaks sometimes. Except, he’s ever the people pleaser, ever the hard worker, ever the yes-man. Mark Lee is always sweet.

Except when he isn’t.

You’re fairly certain that Mark Lee has hated you since before you even met him. When you decide to transfer to the same university that your high school best friend Jungwoo attends, he talks your ear off about all of his great friends and all of the places he is going to take you and all of the fun you’ll have. He’s always been the descriptive type, telling you far too much about his good pals Mark, Donghyuck, Johnny, Taeil, Jaehyun, Kun, Lucas… and countless others, whose names you sometimes have a hard time keeping track of. Jungwoo has a lot of friends, something which has remained true since high school. Whenever you catch up with him, he speaks particularly fondly about Mark, who is one of his roommates and someone he considers to be one of his closest friends.

“You’ll love him,” he says, “but not too much, I hope. That would be super weird, you and Mark.” He wrinkles his nose at that and doesn’t make any more abnormal comments. You don’t think much of it.

In short, you let Jungwoo decide your opinion on Mark Lee before you ever met him. With everything else about moving to a completely different university occupying the majority of your thoughts, it’s easy enough to accept that Mark will be awkward and painfully sweet and that you will become fast friends. That’s your first mistake.

Before you even finish moving in, Jungwoo drags you over to his place to meet some of his friends, who he insists will become your own. It’s just past noon and he claims that everyone will be awake and ready to greet you once you get there. He’s half right, in the sense that only half of the apartment is awake. The early-risers, who Jungwoo didn’t even have to shake before he came over to get you, are at the table in their common area, sipping on various caffeinated beverages. These consist of Mark and Jaehyun. Donghyuck is presumably still curled up in his bed, asleep after a late night of playing games, and Johnny, who had stayed overnight and doesn’t actually live with them, is passed out on their couch, an arm slung over his face to block the light. Your friend has shown you enough pictures for you to recognize them.

Jungwoo practically deflates as soon as he walks in to see only two members of the current household conscious. “This is why we can’t have nice things,” he grumbles before striding over to Johnny and yanking off the blanket covering his long torso.

The elder groans, clearly having only been dozing and not deeply asleep, and moves his arm so he can glare at Jungwoo. “Your disrespect for my sleep schedule is why we can’t have nice things.”

“You don’t have a sleep schedule,” Jungwoo says back, glaring at his friend with the blanket in his hand. “Plus, Y/N’s here.”

Johnny lazily looks over and sees you in the entranceway, to which his response is to roll slightly so that he’s propped up against the back of the couch with one leg crossed over the other rather than just lying down. “Sup. Name’s Johnny.”

“Ew, don’t use your flirting voice!” Jungwoo whines at his friend, kicking him in the shin. In all honesty, you’re both amused and slightly flattered that Johnny is attempting to flirt with you when he’s just woken up. The messy hair is kind of a look. “Y/N’s a friend.”

“Yeah, we’ll be good friends, alright,” Johnny says, looking directly at you and wiggling his eyebrows in the most ridiculous way. That gets a giggle out of you while Jungwoo gawks, kicking Johnny again for good measure, slightly harder this time.

Jungwoo looks like he’s about to start arguing again when Jaehyun kindly interrupts, shifting the conversation. He gives you a small smile, perfectly polite and handsome, his hair straight and soft over his forehead. “It’s nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Jaehyun.”

You lower your head to acknowledge him. “It’s nice to meet you, too.” You look towards the other boy at the table, who you now realize hasn’t glanced up at you once. Jaehyun had been at least half watching the mock fight between Jungwoo and Johnny, but Mark had just been staring at his cup from behind circular glasses, not even drinking it. His own hair is slightly damp, curling at the ends, making him appear somewhat young. “You’re Mark, right?”

Finally, he looks at you, but looks away quickly. “Yeah.”

That’s… that’s not right.

You try again, smiling as brightly as you can, even though he won’t glance in your direction again. His side profile is full of both soft shapes and hard angles, afternoon sunlight coming in through the window falls as highlights on his cheeks and nose and chin. He appears exactly as your friend had described him to you, but his attitude proves him to be a walking contradiction. You shift on your feet, grasping for the right words to say. “Jungwoo has told me a lot about you.”

“Uh… yeah. He’s told me about you, too.”

You almost outright frown at that. Isn’t he supposed to be super nice and friendly? Instead, it sounds like Jungwoo has been spreading all sorts of nasty stories about you. Hypothetical stories that, apparently, only Mark has been listening to. Neither Jaehyun nor Johnny are acting strangely towards you at all.

All three of the other boys do seem to notice the change in behavior for Mark, though. There are a few moments of tense silence before Johnny elbows Jungwoo. The latter speaks up. “Hey, Mark, can you go resurrect Donghyuck? I think he might be dead.”

The switch is instant and very startling to you. His face loses all of its tension as he looks at Jungwoo, nodding. “Yeah, sure. If I don’t come back in ten minutes, I’m the one who’s dead.” He pushes himself up out of his chair and exits the common area.

After he’s gone, you look at Jungwoo. He stares back. You make a motion with your head towards the front door, where you retreat to and he follows. You stand somewhat stiffly, hands linked behind your back. “Did you say something to him? About me?”

Jungwoo puts his hands up defensively. “Nothing bad, I swear!” He looks back towards the common area. “He must just be having a bad day or something…”

That doesn’t explain the sudden warmth when someone else spoke to him, though. You frown. “Okay… I guess I’ll just have to try harder to get him to like me.”

Your friend seems to perk up at that. “That’s the spirit!” He proceeds to grab you by the shoulders and steer you back to the common area.

You have an amiable enough time chatting with the boys who had remained there. Eventually, Donghyuck emerges from his room, looking even more ruffled than Johnny had, and Mark shuffles out with him. Once again, he doesn’t even spare you a glance. Every so often, as you’re talking to the others or just listening to their strange, all-over-the-place conversations, your eyes flicker over to him. He contributes to the chatter, but it’s like he’s purposefully avoiding you, even though you’re literally in the room with him. It kind of hurts.

Still, you try not to let it bother you too much. An hour passes, which you realize with a start, and you remember that you’re not even nearly done unpacking. As you’re rising from your seat on the edge of the couch, Jungwoo throws a comment out to you. “You’re welcome to bust in here any time!”

He’s met with a chorus of agreement from the others, except one.

The next day, Jungwoo makes a point to introduce you to the rest of his circle. Not long after, you’re added to a group chat with a whole phonebook of unfamiliar numbers. Most of them, minus several who your friend had told you in the past do a poor job of checking their messages, send their names pretty quickly. Jungwoo tells you who the others are. With a pang of disappointment, you realize one of the missing numbers was Mark.

On your first day of classes, you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you share an economics lecture with Donghyuck, who acts both very tired and also full of energy, chatting your ear off before and after class, but looking as if he’s about to pass out when the professor gives her introduction and starts to go over course material. That day, you also learn that you have an ethics class with Jungwoo’s friend Doyoung, stoic and serious and exactly the opposite of Donghyuck, but still smiling at your lame jokes and carefully making sure you get the homework down.

The second day starts out much more slowly. You settle down for your third class, a curriculum development course, and it takes you about a solid minute to realize that Mark Lee is sitting in the room with you. He had come in while you were busily typing out a text to a friend from your previous university. The classroom is not particularly large and you had taken a seat near the middle, so there aren’t many places for him to hide. When he walks in, he takes a seat by the wall closest to the windows. You consider greeting him, walking to his desk to try and talk to see if he had a change of attitude from the last time you saw him, but then your professor enters the scene. As he passes by the far side of the room, Mark looks up from his own phone and smiles, mouth instantly opening to greet him. You stay in your seat and try to look busy as you listen to them chat amiably. Mark laughs in disbelief at something your professor says about his vacation.

At the end of the lecture, you pack up your things quickly and make the effort to take a few small, light steps to catch up to Mark, who’s already leaving. “Hi, Mark! I didn’t realize we had a class together.”

He gives you a sort of half-shrug, keeping his head pointed straight ahead. Almost imperceptibly, his pace increases. “I guess we do.”

He opens a door to a stairwell, not making any particular effort to hold the door for you. Reflexively, you grab the door and slip through after him. You try again as the two of you head down. “Are you going to be home tonight? Jungwoo invited me to have dinner with you guys.”

“No,” he says, voice edged with irritation. He reaches into his pocket, fishing out his phone and a pair of earbuds. “I’ll be out.”

“Oh.” You slow down slightly. “Well, we should hang out sometime. My next class is this way, so… see you.” By the time you’re done talking, he’s slipped both earbuds into his ears and is pushing the doors at the bottom of the stairs open. You hold back a heavy sigh and shrug your backpack higher onto your shoulders.

As he told you, he’s not in his apartment that evening. Though Jungwoo had invited you to help cook dinner, he shirks his responsibilities, slipping away to play games with Donghyuck and leaving you and Jaehyun to cook, with relatively unhelpful commentary from Johnny, who was once again on the couch when you arrived. At some point, their friend Yuta slips in, steals some noodles, and leaves.

After the cooking is done, you and Jaehyun celebrate with a firm high-five, and Jungwoo and Donghyuck un-disappear, coming out of the younger boy’s dark bedroom. The lot of you are halfway through eating when Donghyuck perks up. “Wait, where’s Mark? He said he would do calc homework with me.”

You bite the inside of your cheek and hold back from saying that he told you he wouldn’t be home.

Thankfully, most of Jungwoo’s friends are nice to you and it’s easy enough for you to make friends of your own. You ease yourself into a routine of classes, homework, and hanging out with your new social circles. Mark doesn’t hide that he tries to avoid you about half of the time. At the same time, you try to split yourself between friend groups, as to not force him either to be around you or to not hang out with his own friends. There are the occasional large scale events that both of you are invited to, but there are enough people that you usually aren’t forced to interact. After a month of classes, you stop trying to start conversations, but you still greet him. He greets you back with the indifference of an overworked, tired stranger. During your class, he firmly ignores you. He does more than ignore you - he speaks to virtually every other person in your class except you. All of your friends carefully avoid the topic of his blatant dislike for you, though you know they all think it’s odd.

Finally, one of those large events comes to pass via the boy known as Zhong Chenle. He doesn’t go to your school, but is still somehow acquainted with all of Jungwoo’s friends, so he became acquainted with you as well. He’s eccentric and sarcastic and sometimes you see him playing basketball with Mark and Jaehyun in the school recreation center. So, when he rents out the local ice skating rink and invites you, you’re excited to go. It’s not often that you get onto the ice - it’s always a thrill after you re-learn how to skate, and you enjoy the feeling of the smooth gliding and wide, curving turns on the blades. You imagine that you’re painting with your feet.

Things go down smoothly, like you envisioned. After just twenty minutes, you’ve confidently found your ice legs and you’re racing around the rink with Donghyuck, playfully tipping each other off-balance with carefully or sometimes not-so-carefully timed pushes. A few minutes later, a new player enters the arena. Maybe if this new person weren’t Mark Lee, you wouldn’t have noticed their entrance, but your eyes are instinctively drawn to him.

The boy in question is clinging to one Lee Jeno, another friend of Jungwoo and Donghyuck and all the rest of them, as they both try to find their balance. Jeno seems to be having somewhat of an easier time with the skates on his feet, making slow pushes so that he glides short distances with Mark holding onto him. Mark is adorably flushed, in a way you haven’t seen before, his cheeks aflame with cold and embarrassment. His body is swallowed by an overly large hoodie, completing the cozy and cute look.

Your racing buddy has also slowed down to watch with you, staring at the scene. He suddenly nudges you with an elbow. “You should help him.”

“Jeno? I think he’s gotten the hang of it. Plus, I don’t know him that well.” It’s now a game of who can dodge implications rather than who can dodge physical pushes.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, skating lazily alongside you. “You know I’m talking about Mark. This would be a great opportunity to get on his good side.”

“Why don’t you help him? He’s your boyfriend, after all.” If you weren’t focusing on turning your skates and keeping your balance because you’ve reached the short end of the rink, you would cross your arms and huff at him more dramatically.

He clicks his tongue sharply, something you know by now that he does when he’s irritated. “Mark isn’t my boyfriend. Doyoung and Taeyong are boyfriends. Mark and I are soulmates. And he’s still painfully single.”

“So are you!” As you protest, you realize that Mark and Jeno are getting closer. Donghyuck fires something back indignantly, but you’re just thinking about what he said before. The offer to help lies in front of you as a real possibility, but how would you feel if someone you hated came up and asked if you wanted help skating? If you really hated them that much, you would just think they were being condescending. The last thing you want to do is give Mark a reason to think you’re acting that way towards him. So, as you skate closer, you pick up your pace and speed on by, not even glancing at the two boys with their arms interlinked. Luckily for you, Jungwoo is just ahead, so you hook arms with him and jerk him forward with your momentum, making him yell out in surprise.

As you’re gliding along, laughing at your friend’s reaction and attempts to push you, Mark stares at you from behind with a small frown on his face.

“Mark?” Jeno’s voice snaps him out of it and he looks towards the younger boy. “Do you need me to slow down?”

“No,” he says rather grimly, “let’s go faster.”

You don’t speak to each other at all for the entire night.

The next month and a half passes unremarkably. Then, suddenly, midterms are rolling up and you find yourself swamped with work, especially in the class you share with Mark and your new friend Yuqi. At the current moment, you’re at your place with your head buried in your arms, groaning dramatically. “I can’t do this.”

Yuqi nods, looking somewhat dead inside. “Professor Lim hates us.”

“I don’t know what chapters we even covered half of the material in. Did he just make it up?” You lift your hand to paw through the textbook in front of you lazily, so much of it seeming foreign. “It doesn’t help that the Instructional Systems Design Model is such a big part of the project.”

“Maybe that’s in Chapter 1?”

You flip through her suggestion before slamming your book shut. “Nope.”

“I know!” You perk up at your friend’s revelation, looking at her from across the table. “We can just ask Mark! He’s good at this class, he probably knows.”

You stiffen at her suggestion. There was only one time you dared to ask him for help, in which he just brushed you off and said he was busy. Since then, you’ve resigned yourself to only asking Yuqi for help, no matter how clueless she is in this class sometimes. A brief moment of panic sends your heart racing as she whips out her cellphone. “Don’t mention me.”

She turns to look at you, finger poised to press call over her phone. “What?”

You put your head back down, muffling your words. “Don’t say my name when you talk to him.” She gives you a weird look, but shrugs, pressing the call button. “Wait! And put it on speaker so I can hear the answer. Please.”

Wordlessly, she rolls her eyes, but pulls the phone away from her face, setting it on the table in front of her. The call connects after two rings and you hear Mark’s voice with the staticky phone call filter over it. “Hello?”

“Hey, Mark! It’s Yuqi.”

“Oh, hi, what’s up?” He seems to brighten up, showing a pleasantness that you rarely hear from him these days.

“I just had a question about our curriculum development class. Do you know what chapter goes over the Instructional Systems Design Model? I can’t find it.”

“Oh, sure. Hold on, let me grab my notes.” From the other end, you can hear the distorted shuffling of clothes and paper for a moment. “It’s Chapter 4, I think. We didn’t really go over that chapter in class, but Prof. Lim told me when I went to his office hours.”

“Oh my god, thank you so much, Mark! You’re a literal life saver,” Yuqi gushes, about to practically kiss the phone in joy.

You press your hands together in front of you in a silent thank you. Mark laughs lightly into the phone. “No problem! If you ever need anything, let me know. I’m always happy to help.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! Bye, Mark!” After receiving a goodbye from him, Yuqi presses the hang up button. She claps her hands twice in excitement. “That makes things so much easier!”

You’re stuck thinking about what Mark said before hanging up. It’s exactly in line with how Jungwoo used to talk about him - polite, helpful, friendly. An ugly part of you has to wonder what you did wrong once again. What part of you is undeserving of his kindness? An even uglier part feels the green flash of envy. “How do you have Mark’s number?”

“We had a class together like a year ago and he’s a pretty cool guy. Also useful to have around.” The image of them studying together, chatting like close friends, heads bent closely over shared notes, makes the parasite of jealousy dig deeper in your belly. The logical side of your brain knows you shouldn’t be feeling like this, but the two sides of Mark Lee make you want to throw an uncharacteristic fit. She tosses her phone to the side before flipping open her textbook to Chapter 4. “Why?”

“Were you guys ever… like…” You bite the inside of your cheek, not wanting to say it out loud.

“Me? Mark? No, we just worked on a project together. I have no idea what gave you that idea.” She wrinkles her nose at you.

“You just talk to each other so casually,” you huff, trying to expel the negativity from your system, “I don’t know.”

“He’s like that with everyone,” she says easily, leaning back in her chair. “Except you, I guess.”

“Except me. I guess.” You parrot, not feeling any better about the situation. When you proceed to ask her if you did anything weird on your first day of class that would have put him off, she denies it, telling you that you were completely normal. Resigned to forget the mystery for the night, you open up your textbook.

Midterms pass with relative success. At least, with more success than you had at your old university. You’re excited for a break, a reprieve from the pain of studying. Johnny arranges a potluck and movie night at his place, assigning everyone a dish and putting you on dessert.

In your class with Doyoung, who is often assigned as the chef of the group, you pressure him for everyone’s favorites. “Something fruity? Chocolatey?”

“We’re split there. There’s not much you can do that would appease everyone, honestly. Some of them are the pickiest guys I’ve ever met.” He continues to scribble notes as you grill him for info, not even looking up.

“What if I did something different? Like matcha cookies?” You tap your chin in thought and Doyoung lifts a hand to point at you after the suggestion leaves your mouth.

“Yes, do that one. Basically everyone likes green tea.”

“Basically everyone?”

“Not Mark.” Doyoung shakes his head disapprovingly. “He’s not arriving until after we eat, though, so I’m sure it’s fine.”

You’re not sure what to say to that. That night, you work hard making your matcha cookies, setting aside a bit of time for a side project. When you arrive at Johnny’s apartment with two dishes, one quite a bit smaller than the others and labeled with Mark’s name, safely hidden in the pantry until everyone has stepped out of the kitchen area and you can put it somewhere you hope he’ll see it. You can only hope that he at least appreciates your effort. When he arrives a bit later into the night, non-gifting you his usual non-existent glance, you can’t help but impatiently squirm a bit. Before you leave, you make a pass by the kitchen and, disappointingly, but not surprisingly, the container is in the same place as you left it, your note still affixed to the top.

The mystery continues, however, when you approach Johnny a few days later to ask about retrieving your containers.

“There was more than one? I only have that big rectangular one that you brought the matcha cookies in. They were really good, by the way - I can only wish the cookies I make turned out like that…” He scratches his head and you feel like the gesture perfectly represents how you’re feeling as well. If he doesn't have the box… who does?

A small part of you holds onto the hope that the intended person retrieved them after you weren’t looking.

The class you share with Mark is not nearly the most interesting one you have, nor is it one that is particularly memorable most of the time. There’s something so terribly tedious about it that makes you suffer a disproportionate amount whenever you do a chapter of the reading, though you think that you’re usually quite good about your work. Still, though you’re not exactly the most studious of your classmates, you can’t stand resounding silences in the classroom. So, when your professor asks a question and no one volunteers, you try to at least say something somewhat intelligent. Today is one of those days. Except, as you speak, you realize with dawning dread that your words aren’t making any sense of all, are barely related to the question, and are progressively spiraling into completely different subject matter. Still, you find it hard to stop, eventually coming to a stuttering stop with your answer. Even Professor Lim can’t hold back something of a put-off expression. You sink lower into your seat and, as your professor says something along the lines of your comments being “not quite relevant,” your cheeks burn.

You spare a glance to the side, looking for some sort of pity or reassurance from Yuqi, but you end up looking past her at Mark. You half expect him to smirking at your failure, like a villain in a high school drama, but, instead, his eyes meet yours. He offers you the barest twitch of an encouraging smile before looking away, his face neutral again. You’re almost unsure about how to interpret the look - it’s the closest thing to a positive emotion he’s ever shown you. Confused, you fix your eyes on your open notebook and keep them there, scratching random notes and doodles into the margins for the remainder of the lecture.

When you think about Mark Lee, you feel like you’re going insane. It would honestly be pretty easy for you to make one of those crazy conspiracy theorist maps with the red strings and thumbtacks attempting to connect a bunch of pictures with all the strange, fragmented experiences you’ve had with the boy. At one position, you could put all the information you supposedly knew about him before even meeting him, all of the things Jungwoo told you, all the smiling pictures from before you arrived. Somewhere else, you could put all of the times Mark has brushed you off or outright refused to acknowledge your existence. In a third location, you could put all the things you’ve actively seen or heard him do that align with the person you thought he was. Finally, you could put the most recent developments of him subtly starting to not ignore you together. The whole diagram would be circled with giant question marks all over it and one question written in capital letters: WHY?

You’re trying to do your damn curriculum development homework and all you can think about is Mark Lee and the first smile he ever gave you. And, from the way your heart is beating, pushing heat into your face and ears, making you wistful and longing to see his smile again, you think you know the direction your feelings have headed.

The next few times you head over to Jungwoo’s place, it’s hit or miss as to whether Mark appears to be actively avoiding you. Finally, one day, you’re pressed shoulder to shoulder with Jungwoo, your eyes fixed on the small screen of your phone as you show him a funny video you found. You don’t notice Mark until he opens his bedroom door loudly enough that you look up and you meet his cold gaze. He’s in casual clothes, a hoodie and jeans, with earbuds hanging from his ears, his hair slightly tousled from the wind outside. The eye contact lasts for only a moment before his door acts as a barrier to your vision. You blink hard.

“Just when I thought we were getting somewhere…” You sulk, speaking lowly as to not be overheard by him.

“You and Mark?” Jungwoo asks, not even looking up. The video ends and your friend puts down your phone, folds his hands in front of him, and turns to look at you. “Did you ever figure it out?”

“Did I? How could I figure it out when he won’t even talk to me? Did you?” You lean away from him, crossing your arms. “Should we even be having this conversation over here? He’s just in his room.”

Jungwoo shrugs. “He has his headphones in, he can’t hear anything. To answer your question,” he pauses, leaning in closer to whisper like he’s telling you a secret, “I have no idea.”

“You must have some ideas at least?”

“I have many ideas, many theories, and quite a few formulas. Most of which don’t particularly apply to this situation.” You grumble something under your breath about engineering majors as he continues. “For Mark? He might be letting all the negativity he’s ever felt out on you, honestly. Maybe because you’re the same major?”

You sit up slightly straighter. “We’re the same major?”

“Yeah?” Jungwoo replies, giving you a look. “He’s trying to be music education instead of history education, though.”

“I never knew the specifics,” you mumble, letting your posture fall back into a slouch. In reality, it’s more than just not knowing the specifics - there’s very little you’ve managed to learn about Mark that you haven’t actively had to pry out of your shared friends. You know about some of the foods he likes, some of his hobbies, and a bit of general information. It’s awfully hard to get to know someone when they refuse to acknowledge you.

That notion makes your developing crush feel even stupider.

You attempt to turn the subject back to where it began. “Why me, though? Why not literally anyone else?”

“You’re a pretty cool person and you’re good at a lot of things. Mark’s developing an inferiority complex?” Jungwoo taps his chin as though he’s pretending to be some great thinker.

“I’m not going to lower myself to help some man’s ego,” you huff, your nails digging into your palms as you make tight fists. “Plus, there’s nothing I’m particularly good at that he’s not also good at, if not better.”

“It’s not really about ego, I think…” Jungwoo says, trailing off. “I dunno. He’s not like that with anyone but you.”

“No one but me, huh.” Honestly, you’re kind of getting sick of that expression. This isn’t the kind of exceptional you want to be to him. Not at all. You’re honestly not sure when it stopped being a simple need to be on pleasant terms with Jungwoo’s friends and started to get romantic. Your lips press into a thin line for a moment before you exhale sharply from your nose. “Everything is a big ‘I don’t know’ and I hate it. If it’s not an ‘I don’t know,’ it’s still stuck in the ‘why?’ stage.” You lay your head down and you have to resist the urge to scream into your arms. “I’m going to lose my mind.”

“You really make no sense at all.”

“It really makes no sense that I-” You bite your tongue to stop yourself to stop yourself from admitting out loud to the feelings you’ve just recently realized. Jungwoo just gives you a sly, knowing smile that you don’t like the look of one bit.

Before you know it, finals are around the corner and, with it, one of the last organized events you’ll have with your friends until testing is over. This time, it’s a group dinner where people can come and go as they please, and a few of you have taken it upon yourselves to do all the cooking. Namely, you, Doyoung, Jaehyun, Kun, and, surprisingly, Donghyuck. Suffice to say, the kitchen is not enough space for all of you. Still, you manage to pull it off, completing a hearty Korean-style dinner that slowly disappears from their dishes as all of the others eat. By the end, you’re worn out from the sweltering heat of the stove, the occasional bickering with the other chefs (‘Donghyuck, stop eating all the radish!’), and chatting with nearly every single one of your friends. Names and faces scroll through your head and you’re honestly not sure who you’ve seen and not seen by the end of it. Except for one person.

Mark Lee is, once again, nowhere to be found.

You make sure to smack away hands going for seconds in order to wrap up a moderately sized portion of food for him anyways. When all of the food, save for what you’ve set aside for Mark, is gone, Taeyong offers himself and some of the others up to clean, which you and the rest of the cooking boys eagerly accept. Most of them have headed out by now, but the few remaining begrudgingly agree to the job at Taeyong’s call.

You lean against the wall idly, watching the work being done and listening to the rhythmic sound of the water running and the sponge scraping against metal. Finally, Jungwoo happens upon the wrapped plate you had prepared for your missing guest.

“Who’s this for?” He asks to the room, almost salivating at the sight of the food. Damn, that boy can eat.

“It’s for Mark. You can give it to him when he gets back.” Your words are half informative, half threatening. Jungwoo takes the hint and carefully replaces the foil covering the food.

It takes another minute for him to look back over at you, seeing you looking bleary-eyed, close to swaying onto the floor from fatigue. He steps over, patting you on the head. “Y/N, you can go rest on the couch if you want. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“I might just do that,” you respond, not clarifying which part of his sentence you’re talking about. At his behest, you shuffle over to the couch. It only takes a moment for your eyes to flutter closed. The music of washing dishes lulls you quickly to sleep.

You’re not sure how long has passed by the time you stir to the sound of the front door closing. You recognize that water is no longer running and that there are only two voices left in the kitchen area. Lying there for a moment, unsure of if you should make your presence known yet, you determine that the voices belong to Jungwoo and Mark.

“Oh, Y/N made sure to grab this for you,” you hear Jungwoo say, followed by the faint crinkling of the foil covering the plate.

“She did?” Mark’s voice is surprisingly soft, warm, everything you’re not used to from him.

The voices drift closer towards you, accompanying the slip of socks against the wood floor. “Don’t act surprised. Also, she’s on the couch sleeping right now. I’ll probably wake her up in a minute so she can go home.”

“Oh.” You’re listening as hard as you can, trying to determine whatever Mark is feeling just by his tone. “Is she okay?”

Your heart beats faster and you want to squirm, ask questions, anything. You remain still.

“Just tired.” A beat of silence. “Why are you looking at her like that?”

“Dude, I just…” Mark has some sort of lightness to his voice that you’ve never heard.  “Nothing.”

“Do you think I can’t tell? Come on, I’ve known you long enough.” Jungwoo would normally be teasing saying something like that, but right now you just hear a kind of weariness that you’re entirely familiar with.

“Not as long you’ve known her.” The sentence comes out bitter, the first negativity you’ve heard from Mark all night, and Jungwoo sighs in response.

“Do what you need to do and then I’ll wake her up.”

They walk farther away. The telltale sound of the microwave opening and shutting after the foil crinkles again, followed by the beeping of the buttons and the hum of the machine, tells you that someone is heating up the food. Under the microwave ambiance, you hear what you think is plastic against plastic. The machine is stopped before it can beep shrilly. The smell of warm, reheated food fills the air briefly. There’s shuffling as Mark presumably walks.

“Night.” Jungwoo echoes Mark’s sentiment and you hear more shuffling towards you. A touch on your shoulder. You keep your eyes closed, trying to control your breathing for a moment longer. Your friend shakes you slightly. “Y/N, wake up.”

You try your best to play up your awakening act, like you hadn’t been listening to the entirety of the last conversation. Rubbing your eyes and blinking, you look up at Jungwoo. “What time is it?”

“Almost midnight. Everyone went home to sleep and study.” You get up slowly, rolling your shoulders once you’ve sat up. “I can walk you back, if you want.”

“That’s okay, it’s not a long walk.” You get to your feet, padding to the kitchen area. There, on the table, is the plastic container you’d brought Mark’s cookies in weeks ago. “Oh, that’s my container. Did Johnny find it?”

Jungwoo reaches up to ruffle his hair, looking between you and the container. “Mark did, actually.” “Huh.” Shrugging, you pick it up and make your way to the door. “Tell him thanks for me.”

“You could tell him yourself?” Jungwoo offers, looking vaguely hopeful.

You smile, but cringe at the same time. “Yeah… you know.”

He shakes his head, seeming disappointed once more. “Fine. Text me when you get back?”

“Will do.”

As you walk home, your container clutched in your arms, you think about how more pieces are being unveiled, but nothing is really making that much more sense at all.

Finals pass as they always do. You study with Yuqi for your curriculum development class. The situation from midterms repeats itself almost exactly at one point, with her calling Mark for help and you staying quiet as he talks, and the test is no harder than any of the others you had previously in the semester. You force yourself to keep your eyes on your exam and to not glance over at Mark except when you’re walking out of the classroom at the end. All you can see of him is the back of his head, his hair slightly disheveled. Idly, you wonder if you’ll get over your baseless crush if you aren’t able to look at him and mull over the problem during class anymore. You think that’s the last you’ll see of him before you run into him at an event next semester.

On the last day of finals, your group chat receives two messages from Jungwoo.

JW: END OF THE SEMESTER PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT TO CELEBRATE FINALS BEING DONE BEFORE EVERYONE LEAVES. ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY.

JW: I don’t care if you planned a “date” with your “girlfriend,” I expect to see all of you there :))

A minute later, your phone buzzes again with an individual message from the same boy.

JW: Y/N, my lovely best friend, you’re part of the planning committee and you’re going to help me set up. Be there an hour early xoxo

You know there’s no use fighting it so, the next day, you show up to his place as expected. Jungwoo, Lucas, Yuta, and Johnny are all milling about, trying to seem busy but, honestly, there doesn’t look like there’s much to do. Some of the furniture has been moved to the side, there’s a giant mysterious tub that is partly filled with a reddish liquid that Lucas and Yuta are leaning over, and Johnny is affixing colorful lights to a wall. As soon as your shoes are off, Jungwoo is steering you to the common area.

“Y/N, you’re late!”

“I’m like ten minutes early-” You start.

“No, no, no excuses. I have an important job for you!” It takes you a moment to realize that he’s not leading you to the kitchen, but towards someone’s bedroom. “You like crafts, right?”

“I mean, I guess? I-”

“Great!” He pushes open the bedroom door, Mark’s bedroom door, and pushes you not-so-gently inside. Mark is sitting at his desk, bent over something with a look of surprise on his face. He looks cozy, dressed in a simple red t-shirt and gray sweats with circle glasses perched on his nose. “I want to hang about one hundred paper cranes around the apartment to add a little flare to the party. You can’t leave until you’re done, Mark has the paper, bye!”

He shuts the door behind him.

You and Mark stare at each other in bewilderment as you process whatever just happened. You’re in Mark’s bedroom for the first time. You’re also being actively forced to interact with him one on one for the first time. None of your friends had ever forced you to try and work out your issues until now and you’re certain that Jungwoo’s implication was that you’re not allowed to leave until you’ve talked it through. Some part of you knew he would eventually snap and force you to interact, but you always ignored that possibility. Until now.

“Um,” you start, twisting your fingers together in front of you, “he said you have the paper?”

“Yeah…” he looks back at his desk, grabbing some of the myriad of square sheets and holding them out to you. “Here.”

“Thanks.” You carefully make sure to prevent your fingers from brushing against his as you take them from him. Stepping back, you settle cross-legged on an empty spot on his floor. After you sit, you take a moment to look around. His walls have the occasional band poster plastered on them, there’s a hoodie on the floor across the room, and some of his drawers are partly open, illustrating a pretty typical college boy’s room. A couple of books are pushed to the side on his desk as he works on folding the cranes. Remembering that’s what you’re supposed to be doing, you get to work, making careful creases. Your first crane comes to life on yellow paper slightly lopsided. Good enough, you figure.

You’re in the middle of your second crane when Mark’s chair screeches quietly against the floor and he stands up, gathering his paper. To your great surprise, he sits down a few away from you and mirrors your pose. When you meet eyes with him briefly, you look away as fast as you can, returning to your crane before you can even try and read what he’s feeling. The next three cranes pass quickly with your eyes locked firmly on your work. When you dare to look up again, you find that Mark is intently watching your hands. He startles when you see him. Realizing he’s been caught, he speaks of softly. “Do you… know how to do it?”

Even when he’s the one talking quietly, looking embarrassed, you feel so small. You look down at his own paper pile, which has a few crumpled sheets surrounding it. “I can show you.” He nods and you cautiously scoot closer so that you’re side by side. As gently as you can, you explain each fold and he copies your movements. Soon, you have a relatively even green crane and he has a somewhat lopsided pink crane, very similar to your first.

“Thanks,” he says, staring at his creation, “all of the tutorials I googled weren’t making any sense, but I think I got it now.”

“No problem.” You nod, moving back to your spot across from him. Not wanting the experience to end quite yet, you think about what Jungwoo said last weekend. “Thanks for returning my container.”

He instantly knows what you’re talking about. “Thanks for-”

Before he can say any more, he stops and his expression hardens. He proceeds to look back down at his hands, making slow, purposeful folds in the paper in front of him. You frown, but do the same. A few cranes later, you can’t stop it anymore. After months, months, of him treating you like this, you can’t go one more crane without finding the truth. You throw a half-completed crane to the floor and, though the noise isn’t loud, he looks up. “Mark, what did I do?”

He seems entirely too surprised by the question, which sparks a kind of anger that you didn’t even realize you were holding in. “What?”

“What did I do! What made you act like this to me? Did I do something? Do you just hate my face? What did I do wrong?” You squeeze your knees brutally, trying to resist doing something like tearing up the few pieces of origami you had completed.

“Nothing.” His simple, one word answer only serves to make you more upset. Though he appears initially dismissive, he sees that you’re about to start shouting and quickly continues. “You really didn’t do anything!”

“Then, why? Mark, you’re making me lose my mind!” Now, you feel like you’re on the verge of crying out of frustration. So far, you’ve managed to not cry at all about this stupid boy who has largely chosen to ignore your existence, but you can feel the telltale warming of your cheeks and the pout in your lips.

“It’s not something you did! Not really.” He takes a shaky breath, appearing almost as upset as you, though there are no tears in his eyes. “It’s about Jungwoo. Please, don’t cry.”

The initial confusion helps you swallow your building tears. “If you’re upset at him, why do you have to take it out on me? I really wanted to be friends with you, Mark. I really did.”

“I wanted to be different.” Now, he’s quiet, refusing to look at you for the months of shame he’s feeling rise to the surface.

“From Jungwoo?” You’re not quite following still. You just know that, even though he’s subtly broken your heart and led you in circles over and over for the past few months, you want to know why he’s hurting and you want to stop it. Even if he hasn’t been full of kindness to you, he has been to everyone else. And you know almost for a fact that this isn’t something he’s told anyone else.

“From you.”

Pushing aside papers, crumpled partial cranes, complete cranes, you move closer to him. You’re not sure if you’re overstepping your boundaries and you still kind of feel like one wrong move will make you cry, but the yelling has left your system and your instincts say proximity will help you understand. “Will you explain it to me?”

“There was a you-shaped hole in Jungwoo’s heart ever since he had to go to college and stop spending so much time with you.” Mark’s resignation is quiet, soft-spoken, like the boy you’d heard so much about but only now had gotten to truly meet. “Whenever he came back from breaks, he would talk about you so much and about how similar you and I are and it just made me feel… it made me feel… like… I don’t know. Like I’m just replacing you while you’re not here.”

“Mark…” You’re not sure quite what to say that he hasn’t logically figured out for himself already. Maybe it would help to say the obvious anyways? “You’re not a replacement. You’re you and I’m me and he has different places for both of us.”

He lets out a puff of air. “I know that. It’s just the type of feeling that you can’t really get to go away, even when you try really hard to believe the opposite.”

“I get the feeling.” And you do. It’s like the nagging feeling that you’ve had that you did something unforgivable to upset Mark even though you were almost certain you didn’t.

“I was mean to you because at least that would make me different enough to not be replaced, I guess. It worked because you never stooped to my level to be mean back.” Though he hasn’t quite apologized, he sounds genuinely sorry.

“It worked because you couldn’t have been replaced in the first place,” you say back. You look over and he has a small smile on his face.

“That too. Also-” He stops himself, seeming conflicted. “No, it’s a bad time. A really bad time.”

That piques your curiosity. “Huh?” He’s not smiling anymore, instead looking awkwardly to his side, away from you, and drumming his fingers on the bed. “Mark, you might as well say it. Whatever it is.”

“Okay, after a few months, I realized that you weren’t going to replace me and things were fine. But, you know that thing that kids do?” You’re confused and he’s growing red, practically steaming at the ears in embarrassment, which you can see even in the dim light of the room. “So, I kept being mean because then you kept looking at me even though whenever I thought about what I said to you later, I always felt really bad-” “Mark, you’re rambling. What are you talking about?” You ungracefully interrupt him, touching his arm to get his full attention. He seems to grow even redder at your touch and suddenly exclaims his next words.

“You’re really cute!”

Slowly, his words make more sense. You try to piece them together out loud to make sure you’re understanding him correctly. “So… the thing kids do… where they’re mean to the person they like?”

He moves his head up and down in a tiny nod. Now, your face is heating up, too. Even more than it was when you were on the verge of crying. After a moment, he groans and presses his face into his hands. “Damn, I’m such an idiot. I know this is, like, what middle schoolers do, but since the beginning of the semester I’ve just been so confused, except you’ve probably been way, way more confused than me, and I didn’t even think about it, but all of our friends are probably confused, too, and-” As he jabbers, when your thoughts and feelings had been processing slowly previously, you now feel like your whole reality is crumbling. You spent the last while beating down your feelings when he’s become a pile of mush in front of you about the same problem? At this rate, he’s never going to stop rambling either. Not that you particularly want him to. It’s the most he’s directly said to you ever. And it’s adorable. What else would be adorable? You wonder, teasing him a bit before you tell him the truth. For how long he kept you hanging, you deserve to create at least some tension of your own, you figure. Just for a moment.

“- you’re probably thinking about how dumb this is and I don’t know how you’ll ever forgive me-”

You sit up straight and cross your arms over your chest. “Mark.”

He stops talking and looks at you, more panic seeming to rise in his face at the serious expression you wear. “Oh shit, I never let you talk. Y/N-”

“Mark.” He finally stops, staring at you. “I don’t forgive you.” The panic turns into sheer terror. He clearly hadn’t expected you to put it so forwardly. However, before he can say anything truly depressing, you continue. “I don’t forgive you because you haven’t actually apologized yet.”

His eyes are like tiny suns, round and bright and holding all the feeling in the universe. “I- I thought…” He looks to the side, thinking about everything he had said, and realizes that you’re right. “You’re right. Y/N…” He presses his hands together in front of him. “I’m so sorry.”

It’s probably the most succinct and straightforward he’s ever been with you, but you don’t have much time to think about that before he’s leaning forward in a full bow, pressing his forehead to the ground.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-”

“Mark, stop!” As soon as you realize what he’s doing, you shuffle forward, putting both hands on his shoulders so you can attempt to yank him back upright. “I was joking, please stop!” He remains upraised, once again looking confused. Slowly, you move backwards about two feet to put some breathing room between you. “You don’t need to do that. I like you, too.”

One slow heartbeat passes. Then a second. You’re not sure how long the thick silence hangs between you, but the tension is so heavy that you don’t even hear any outside noise from the other boys who are supposedly getting ready for a party.

“You… what… wait, no, really?” Mark’s baffled face as he stutters back to you paired with the anxiety of the entire situation makes a laugh bubble out of your chest. He seems to be entirely at a loss. He continues to just stare at you wide-eyed, like he’s witnessing some incredible event instead of just ogling you in the dim light of his bedroom.

“Don’t look at me like that…” You can’t help but reflect some of his flustered behavior, eye contact becoming almost painful. He’s never met your eyes with such enormous positivity and cuteness before and it makes you want to run laps around the building or something. “Mark, I’m serious!”

“How could you like me back? When I was so mean to you? For months?” He begins to twist in place, trying to lean over and look at your head from multiple directions. “Did you fall down the stairs on the way over here and hit your head or something?”

“Mark!” You uncross your legs and shuffle closer on your knees, reaching out to still his movement by grasping his shoulders once again. “Please stop.” When you touch him, he freezes, still moon-eyed. After he stops moving, your hands slide down so that you can hold his. His hands are warm and stiff, just like the rest of his body.

He finally breaks eye contact, looking at where your hands are connected. “I just really don’t get it. There’s no way you like me.”

“You almost sound like you’re upset about it.” You tilt your head, smiling at him softly.

“I am!” He’s insistant, his hands holding onto yours firmly now. Though his grip is tighter, he visibly deflates, his shoulders sinking. “It’s so unfair to you. I was such an ass.”

“But you’re not. One ass-like behavior does not an ass make.” You almost confuse yourself saying it, but you continue. “It’s not about the times you were weird to me. It’s about the times you were nice to everyone else. Like when you helped Yuqi with our class. Or when you helped Donghyuck with his calc even though you aren’t even taking it with him. It sounds kind of dumb, but because of that, I knew you weren’t a bad person. Even if you were trying to be one to me sometimes.” Your thumbs run over his idly, making soothing strokes over his skin as you speak. “Still, you weren’t really all that mean to me, per se. More cold, if anything. Then, when you stopped doing so much of that, it got really confusing. I do have a question, though.”

“I’ll try to answer it, I guess.”

“Did Jungwoo really say we were that similar?”

He blinks. “Maybe once or twice? It just really stuck out to me, for some reason.”

“You’re cute.” He blushes furiously at that. Carefully, you untangle one of your hands from his and bring it up to his cheek, cupping his blazing face. “Do you want to try this? The being together thing?”

“I want to, but-” He presses his lips together, making his cheeks puff out slightly as he thinks. “I don’t know. I feel like I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve a chance with you.”

Silence sits between you for a moment. Your hand moves back down so you’re holding both of his again. “I know what you can do to make it up to me.”

His eager eyes on your face prompts you to continue. Slowly, a grin threatens to split your face in half.

“I guess you’ll have to kiss me at least once for every time you were mean to me. Maybe more than once.” Your brilliant smile changes form in the air between you and reappears as the stars in his eyes.

“Practice round? Just to make sure I get it right.” The subtle flirtatiousness of the idea that leaves his mouth absolutely appeals to you and you agree. You move as close as you possibly can, your knees pressed together, your breath on his lips and his on yours, his soft bangs grazing your forehead. The touch of his lips against yours is awkward at first, but transforms into something sweeter with a little time. Once you both pull away, it seems you have the same idea when you both go back in for a few quick pecks afterwards. Finally, when you’re content for the moment, he leans forward quickly to press a kiss to your cheek.

You figure that a return to the work of folding cranes will help calm down your rapid heart rate, but every time you steal a glance at Mark, the butterflies return. You know for a fact that he keeps looking at you, too. By the time the noise level outside of the room increases and music is being blasted through the apartment, you’re nowhere near being done with all one hundred cranes, but both of you are sure your mutual friend doesn’t actually care about that. Together, you emerge from his room. You don’t answer any prodding questions from your friends for most of the time you’re mingling, though you’re pretty sure that a good number of them see him sneaking kisses at least once or twice.

Some of them definitely see when you sneak off to his room again before the clock has even turned to midnight. At the same time, you could be damned if you really care.

[thatsgay-writes]

Day 16

PREVIOUS

"Here they are, the brave young women whose tale of struggle and survival has gripped the nation." The host says as she sends the camera a smile. "The unsinkable nine, as we have come to know them. Ladies, you must have dreamed of coming home for so long. Now that you're here, what do you wanna do most?" She questions as she turns towards you and your friends. "Honestly, smoke about a hundred cigs, you know? Like, really rip through a carton or two." Dot starts as she leans forwards on the couch. The host gives her a slightly awkward smile, "Okay. How about the rest of you?"

"I don't know; Maybe hit up the OG for a never-ending pasta bowl and just... I don't know... Get back to our real lives." Toni says next followed by Nora. "I'd like to read the Odyssey again, rather than, like, live it." She jokes awkwardly, causing some of the girls to laugh in response. "Leah, what about you?" "Oh, um, I just wanna reconnect with certain people... People who may have been worried and-or felt like we had unfinished business. And if that person is watching right now, I just wanna say that I did not not miss you every day." You cringe at Leah's little monologue, still not feeling 100% about her after her fight with Shelby.

"My turn, Brooke, and I've got a nice, straight answer for you. I'm going to fuck the rowdiest guy with the biggest dick as soon as I fucking can." Fatin says, causing everyone to pause the fantasy you all shared and look at Fatin. Fatin turned to look at you, since you were at the end of the couch, and you couldn't contain your laugh. "Holy shit!" You belt out as you roll onto your side, "I don't think you can say that." You tell her after you finally catch your breathe. Fatin rolls her eyes, "Okay, make it more media-friendly. I am going to fornicate with the healthiest penis I can find ASAP." You let out a laugh at her newly formed answer.

After that, Dot changed her answer and Fatin got on Leah for her "emo shit show" answer and how Romeo's would be in everyone's DM's, before they finally started cheering over the fact that there was a chance to return home. "We're going home, bitches!" Martha yells as she holds up the bottle of vodka, causing all the other girls to cheer. You go to celebrate with them but notice how Shelby stays silent and slowly pulls away from the group. You watch her go, debating if you should follow her, as Toni helps you stand. Her face holds a large smile that slowly falls as she notices how distracted you are and that Shelby was walking away.

Ever since kissing Shelby, Toni had been confused on her feelings between the both of you. She had loved you for years but Shelby just had something so attracting about her. Unknown to her, you were having the same thoughts. "I'll, um... I'll be right back." You say as you pat Toni's hands that were still holding your own after helping you up. Toni just nods her head as you hop away after Shelby.

---

"You don't seem very excited..." You try and joke as you hop around the rock Shelby was sitting on, closing your mouth as soon as you see how sad she looks. You fidget nervously for a few seconds as Shelby doesn't respond to your presence. You let out a deep breathe before sitting down next to Shelby on the rock. "Are you okay?" You ask as you slowly reach out your hand to grabs hers. You move slowly so she has enough time to pull away but she doesn't. When you tangle your fingers with Shelby's, she finally reacts some and turns her head to look at you. She opens and closes her mouth a few times wanting to say something, but ultimately ends up closing it and shaking her head. You let out a sigh but nod your head. You lean forwards and cup one of her cheeks, giving her a quick kiss on the other one. Your face gains a small smile as you notice Shelby blush, "I'll leave you to your thoughts... If you ever need someone to vent to or a shoulder to lean on I'll be here." You tell her as you slowly stand up and start hopping back towards to other girls, missing how Shelby stared after you longingly.

---

As you get closer to the other girls, you smile as you hear them all laughing and joking around. "Oh, Martha, you're gonna be trippin motherfucking balls dude." You hear Fatin say as you finally reach the group and collapse next to Toni. Hopping around was not fun and you were going to need to find a walking stick or something soon. "And she won't be alone." Rachel says as she holds her hand out towards Fatin. Taking what looks to be a bag of gummy bears? You nudge Toni with your shoulder and send her a questioning look. "Martha ate edibles." She whispered to you before turning back to the group and reaching for the bag. You covered your mouth in shock and laughed at the fact that Martha, sweet and innocent Martha, ate edibles. "You want one y/n?" Toni asks as she holds one out towards you. You think about it for a second. Your doctors back at home would probably advise you not to get high but you had been feeling fine the past few days. "Why not." You answer as you take the gummy bear from Toni and pop it into your mouth.

---

"Marcus!?" You hear Martha yell out for the 5th time as almost everyone laid on the beach, high out of their minds. The only ones not laying down were Fatin, who looked like she was meditating, Shelby, who still hadn't returned from the rock, and you, who had taken a seat on Toni's back and kept tracing out random letters and shapes on her back. "I'm so fucking blissed out. Not even from the gummies, just from the thought that in 48 hours I can have an orgasm." Was the first thing Fatin had said in an hour, causing you to giggle and almost fall off of Toni's back. Unlike Toni, who always got more relaxed when she was high, you got more giggly, enthusiastic, and talkative. You being high rivaled Shelby's whole "Who wants to play an ice breaker?" persona.

"Wait? You haven't like self-induced?" Leah asks, seriously but still with a playful tone. "No, I can't do it with my hands actually. I have this weird cello-vibrato PTSD. It's a whole thing." Fatin responds, breezing over the subject. "So your electric toothbrush hasn't seen any action?" Dot asks causing you to laugh more and add on, "I mean we all kind of assumed." You send a wink Fatin's way before turning your attention back to Toni's back, effectively spacing out on the conversation.

When you do focus back onto everyone, it's from Toni tapping your thigh to get you to get up. "Huh?" "C'mon we're gonna go play in the water." Instead of standing up and hopping your way towards the ocean, you just roll of Toni's back and lay on your back in the sand. "I'm good... I think I'm just gonna lie here." Toni gives you a questioning look but you just push her thigh towards the water. "I'll be fineeeee, go have funnnnn." Toni rolls her eyes as you purposefully draw out words and follows the rest of the girls into the water.

You could hear the girls from where you laid, all of them letting out screams and laughs of joy. You would have joined but hopping around on one leg isn't fun and tired you out pretty quickly. You rolled onto your side once the sun felt too hot on your face and you noticed that Shelby hadn't joined in on the fun either. You contemplated going up to her and trying to talk to her or give her more space, but went with the first choice. If she had rejoined the group than maybe she would want some company now.

---

"Not a fan of the water?" You ask as you let yourself collapse next to Shelby, taking note how she now had the bottle of vodka and it had a less in it than it did before. "I... Um..." Shelby stuttered out as she purposefully did not make eye contact with you. "It's fine." You say with a shrug and lay on your side. "No need to talk, just relax." You say as you suddenly get hype fixated on making shapes and letters on her back. Missing the way she tensed up before finally relaxing. You spaced out again from what was going on, a common thing that happened when you were high.

---

The rest of the day blew by as everyone did their own thing. Nora and Rachel went off talked somewhere, you noticed that Toni and Shelby got into a argument, and you just chilled around with Fatin, Dot, and Leah, while Martha decided to adventure into the woods. "Guys! Guys! Guess what I just saw!?" Martha yells as she runs over the hill and back towards the group. "I just saw Marcus and he's alive!" She yells out, out of breath, causing everyone to laugh at how ridiculous she sounded. "No, guys, I'm being serious!" Martha defends and grabs the nearest person to her, Dot, and starts dragging her along. "C'mon, he's in the woods." Dot turns to give the group and exasperated look but you all decide to follow along.

You had your arm wrapped around Toni as you all journeyed through the woods. You had tried to get out of going, but Martha wanted everyone to go with her. "You're just saying that he, like, fucking pinocchio'd?" Dot asks, having not stopped laughing or joking about the situation since you all headed into the woods. "Yes. That is exactly what I am saying." Martha says in relief, missing that fact that Dot was still making fun of her. "He turned into a real boy." She finishes as you and Toni see Marcus... Who is still as fake as he was the day he was found. "I don't know, he kinda looks the same to me." Toni says as you release her arm so she can pick up Marcus. "Hey! My leg!" You say excitedly as you notice it laying under Marcus. When Fatin goes to kiss Marcus, you kiss your leg. It was all fun and games until Leah had to mention the fact that Marcus and your leg had been swept away but suddenly ended up in the middle of the forest. You had thought the same thing but hoped to just ignore that fact. "Leah. We're mellow. We're leaving."

---

"Oh Shelby, you love America so much. USA! USA!" Martha cheers, trying to get Shelby to join her but the other girl is completely zoned out. "Is she okay?" You and Toni ask at the same time. Both of you sharing an awkward look with each other, neither of you had told the other about your own kiss with Shelby. Luckily, Fatin isn't stuck in an unknown love triangle and walks over to Shelby. You all watch as Shelby starts to brush her hair, it seems to stay tangled no matter what she does. Until the brush gets stuck in her hair. Fatin attempts to help her but Shelby goes into full freak out mode. "It's all ruined." She says as she grabs the scissors out of Fatin's bag. Fatin attempts to stop her but Shelby was inconsolable.

"I don't' fucking want it! I don't want it!"

NEXT

[oddshelbyout]

His Gift // John Shelby X Fem!Reader

Summary: It’s your birthday and you’re celebrating withe the Shelbys. Polly and Ada spoils John’s surpise gift for you.

Word Count: 2289

Warnings: Swearing

Author’s Note:

I’m sure you want to say “Enough Marianne, you only write for John.” but I just can’t hold myself back. Writing John fics are better than daydreaming about him, a fictional dead character.

If you’re looking for a friends to lovers fluff, this is it and I hope you enjoy it.

English is not my first language and I’m not always confident about my work amd don’t edit so please let me know if I make any mistakes or if there’s anything I can fix in my writing.

You can ask to be added to my taglist. You can be tagged to works on a specific character or just any of my works. Please dm me or send your wish to my ask box if you’d like to be added.

Requests are open. You can request any Peaky Blinders related prompts/plots for me write. I’m a minor so I don’t take NSFW requests, please keep that in mind.

———————

Birthdays in the Shelbys were never a big deal. Polly, Arthur and Thomas didn’t even know the exact day of their birth. There were never any celebrations. That fact was what made that day so important.

It was your 25th birthday. Birthdays weren’t a big deal in your family either but at least they were celebrated or they used to be.

Your mother had passed away a year ago and it would be your first birthday without any family members present. They were all already dead but it wasn’t a huge deal because the grief didn’t hold you captive for long.

John, your best friend couldn’t let you spend your birthday alone so he arranged a birthday dinner for you. All the Shelbys would be there, your family. You had known them your entire life and your relationship only grew stronger.

It would be at your own home but you knew the setting wouldn’t make much difference. Polly and Ada had come early to help you cook. You had a whole family to feed.

You were filled with joy. You knew celebrating birthdays was a foreign thing to the Shelbys. Knowing that made you feel extremely cared for.

“Is Tommy going to be here?” you asked while chopping some carrots. Thomas Shelby had been like an older brother for you. Even though you didn’t see him much these days, you still liked to believe you hadn’t lost your connection to him.

“I’m not sure.” Ada mumbled, “He’s been really busy.” you just nodded to her explanation. You wouldn’t take it personally if he hadn’t showed up.

“Maybe Michael will show up as his substitute.” you giggled. Ada giggled with you too. “Don’t make fun of my boy will you!” Polly said strongly. You knew she was just joking just like she knew you were.

“Alright Pol.” Ada said, she couldn’t stop giggling. Polly was tired of you giggling like children while cooking. “Please tell me you have enough drinks Y/N.” Polly said after turning her back to you and heading towards the table to pour herself some wine.

“Of course I do Pol.” you rolled your eyes since she couldn’t see you. “Don’t roll your eyes at me Miss.” Polly said. Ada couldn’t hold herself back from laughing.

“Nothing slips away from you does it?” Ada asked Polly while she sat down on the chair slowly. Polly had given up on cooking, left you and Ada to take care of it.

“So everyone will be here?” you asked once again, trying to be sure you’ll have everyone you love with you on that day. “Of course dear.” Polly let out, “You are our dearest Y/N.” Ada supported her aunt’s words.

It felt so good knowing the people around you genuinely loved you back. Them accepting you as a Shelby even though you were not in the family by blood or marriage was the best thing that happened to you.

They were all so special to you but the most special was John. He was your best friend, the one you shared all your secrets with. Except one special secret because it was about him only.

You liked him, fuck it, you loved him and not in a friendly way. You didn’t know if that counted as a secret because he couldn’t be dumb enough to not notice that.

“When do you think John will be here?” you asked, Polly sighed. You looked at Ada and then Polly, neither said anything. “You’re keeping something from me.” turned to Polly.

“No we’re not!” Ada opposed, you definitely didn’t buy it. “Spill ladies.” you said and raised your eyebrows. “Okay so…” Ada started talking but Polly interrupted, “Ada, you made a promise.” she said.

“Come on Polly, what’s going on?” you asked impatiently. Ada giggled, “He went to London to get you a real nice gift.” your jaw dropped.

“London? Why would he go such a long way for only a simple gift?” you weren’t that excited for his gift. You thought it was unnecessary.

“You’re special to him and we’re celebrating a birthday for once!” Polly said, you nodded. It still made you nervous.

“I didn’t ask for a gift, I didn’t expect a gift.” Ada and Polly didn’t understand why you got upset over a joyful thing.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” Polly asked, it was almost like she read your mind. You moved away from the counter and sat on the chair next to Polly.

“Why is he going through the trouble of going to London for a gift? He hasn’t even noticed that I’m interested in him.” you said simply. Polly nodded.

“Oh Y/N, you have to tell him that you love him.” Ada responded. There was a meal to cook and all of you were now sitting around the table, talking about your interest in John.

“I don’t know if I should.” you mumbled. Polly held your hand, “Darling, it’s okay to be scared when you love someone.” you nodded. She was right.

“Who do you love Y/N?” you heard John say and your body filled with sudden panic. You didn’t even hear him come in.

“No one.” you said and Ada gave you a very disappointed look. “So nice of you to join us early John.” Polly said with a dull tone.

“Better be early than late.” he said looking directly at you. He was obviously so blind that he couldn’t see the way you looked at him.

He stood next to you, he supported himself with a one hand on the table. “Tell me Y/N, who is it that has your heart?” you nervously chuckled.

“You wouldn’t know him.” Polly and Ada’s confused eyes locked on you. They thought this would be the moment.

“I’m a Peaky Blinder, I know everyone in this damn city.” he said directly. Polly’s gaze turned to John. She saw something on his impression that you didn’t. It was jealousy.

“He’s not from here.” you lied, you knew that was a mistake. “Okay then, don’t tell me if you don’t want to.” John said and you got up.

You got back to the food with Ada and Polly kept enjoying her wine as she watched you cook. John sat on the chair you were previously sitting on.

“Will you tell me who it is?” John whispered to Polly, she just chuckled loud so you could hear. John was disappointed that nobody was willing to tell him. He was obviously jealous but it was a foreign feeling to him. He didn’t know what he felt was jealousy.

Soon the food was done, the table was ready and everyone was there. Even Tommy had come which made you the happiest. Michael’s arrival had surprised you and you were extremely happy to see Finn come as well.

After eating you went to the living room and settled on the couch. “I think I like this birthday celebration thing.” Arthur said and everyone just laughed, except Tommy. He still had a thing to say though.

“Would it be a celebration without gifts?” he said and you smiled big. “Wait, did we have to buy something?” Finn asked and Polly threw him a killer look.

“You didn’t have to.” you said humbly, you really didn’t want gifts. All that mattered to you was that the Shelbys bothered to celebrate your birthday with you.

Tommy took a little box out of his pocket. “This is from all of us.” he said, he handed it to you. You opened the small box. It had a little pin inside. The pin was shaped as a star, you smiled big.

“This is perfect.” you put the pin on your shirt and stood up to hug all of them. Even Tommy let you hug, he wasn’t a fan of hugs so it meant a lot that he let you do that.

“I’m so lucky to have all of you by my side.” you said, “Damn right you are.” Arthur couldn’t hold himself but say. You laughed, you hadn’t felt this much joy in a long time.

You hugged Michael the last, “Happy birthday.” he told you softly then you sat back at your place. The moment you sat down. You expected John to finally give you his gift.

You hoped he had a seperate gift for you. Tommy did say it was from all of them but if John went all the way to London to buy this, why didn’t he give it himself? You didn’t like that feeling of ambiguity

There was a weird long silence. Everyone looked uncomfortable and you hated that. “Why don’t we get more drinks.” Michael offered to cut the silence. Everyone nodded. You weren’t going to just shut up.

“John, don’t you have a seperate gift for me?” you asked and John’s jaw dropped. He looked horrified. Everyone else just sipped their drinks in silence.

“Why do you ask?” he said, he didn’t look confused. He looked more like he was trying to look confused. “Because you went to London to get me something.” you said it finally.

Ada and Polly seemed to regret that they had told you because they lit a cigarette at the same time when you said it.

“I can’t believe they told you!” John got angry at you and everyone else for no reason. It was obvious he was hiding something and you needed to know what.

“So it’s true.” you asked, he nodded without saying anything. “Where is the gift then?” you stood up in anger.

Your joy had disappeared, John had left you down. You didn’t even want a gift but the thought of him actually travelling to get you something had given you hope. It gave you hope about you and him.

“I think we should leave.” Tommy said, everyone looked at each other and nodded. “Please don’t.” you begged. John did nothing, didn’t even react.

Polly left her seat to come hug you. “Today’s been great dear but I think it’s better if you and John talk alone.” she told you. You got it now, it wasn’t because they wanted to leave. It was because they didn’t want John to leave. You were both getting heated and John tended to run away when he got overwhelmed.

“Okay, see you all later.” you said, everyone hugged you once again and wished you happy birthday. Then you and John were left alone.

He was still sitting the same way, hadn’t even moved a bit. He was looking at you with dull eyes. He looked sad. You didn’t want a great day, your birthday to end like this.

“John, where is the gift you got from London?” you sat down on your knees right before John’s feet. He sighed, his hands moved around his stubbly chin.

“I don’t think I should give it.” John said softly. His voice was low, his tone had so much pain. “Why?” you asked immediately, you had to know.

“Because it’s a fucking ring and you’re in love with someone else!” he yelled. You put your hand on his knee. You laughed loudly. You couldn’t stop laughing.

“You were going to propose to me?” you just thought he was joking. “Yes.” he simply answered, you kept laughing

“No dating phase, you were just going to ask your best friend to marry you.” you heard yourself say and it made you laugh even harder.

“Stop laughing! How is my heartbreak funny?” John’s voice cracked. You finally stopped laughing. “My Johnny Boy, how can you be so blind.” you said. John raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, blind enough to think you would say yes so I went to London and got you a custom made ring.” your eyes opened wide. “No you stupid shit! You're the guy I love, I was talking about you!” you jumped on your feet and yelled.

John took a deep breath, “What?” you laughed again. “John Shelby, I love you and no one else.” you confessed finally, “I only made up someone else because I didn’t know how to tell you.” you finally let it go.

“So you love me the way I love you.” he asked, you smiled and nodded. He stood up too, put his hand in his pocket and took out a box.

“No dating phase because I wanna wake up next to you every morning.” he said as he sat down on one knee. Your eyes teared up, you couldn’t believe your eyes and ears.

“Y/N Y/L/N, will you give me the honour to be your husband?” John opened the box to reveal an emerald ring. You were mesmerized by the shine of the ring and also by his proposal.

“Yes, a million times yes!” you shouted, took the ring out yourself and put it on. John dropped the empty box on the floor and hugged you. He hugged you and you never wanted to let go.

“This is going so fast, it’s kind of scary.” you admitted while your head was resting on his shoulder. “Let’s speed it up a little more.” he said and pulled himself back a little. “Kiss me Y/N.” he said and you did what he said.

Your lips met his. They weren’t like how you imagined they would be. They weren’t chapped like they seemed, they were soft and smooth. They were warm, the warmth of his lips heated your whole body.

Your soul was leaving your body to join his. You never thought this would be how you ended up together. It was fast but you knew each other well and long enough to skip the dating.

All you both wished for was each other and nothing more. Your wish was finally true.

[defdaily]

THE STAR Magazine April 2021 Issue featuring JAY B

Translated by defdaily.

GOT7’s eternally sincere leader JAY B. A friendly interview where you can feel his warm-heartedness.

*This interview was done in informal language to give off the feeling of two friends chatting*

It has been a while since we last met for GOT7’s feature in 2017.

Right, hi. I’m JAY B. Nice to meet you. Have you eaten?

JAY B has been chosen to be on the cover of THE STAR’s 8th anniversary issue.

Dobby is free now. (Laughs). I’m a freelancer now but I still can’t believe the fact that I was chosen to be on the cover of THE STAR’s anniversary issue. I’m so thankful to THE STAR for choosing me to be on the cover so I worked extra hard during the shoot.

How are you doing these days? We’re curious to know what you have been up to.

A freelancer’s daily life is always similar. I work when there is work and rest when there isn’t. I was busy recently organising this and that to release GOT7’s digital single ENCORE. I took the lead and there were many things I needed to figure out such as paperwork. So I was very proud. The members have all joined agencies but I want to take a little more time and think about it carefully before choosing. I’m still a freelancer.

Does the freelancing life suit you?

I don’t know if it suits me but it’s fun. Now work-related calls come to me directly, so I would be asleep then receive a call. I’d go “Ah I fell asleep for a moment, sorry. What is this about?” (Laughs). Since I do even these kinds of small communications myself, it’s nice and fascinating to realise the value of work and opportunities. If I didn’t have this time and experience, I think I might have not realised the value of work as much. I used to be on edge at times when the managers used to tell me things in the past. But now that I’ve learnt how much processing has been done before the information reached me, I feel sorry. Now I have a heart full of gratitude for opportunities.

I don’t know if it’s because you’re a freelancer now, but you seem much brighter than before.

Dobby is free now. (Laughs) I’m joking. Of course it was very helpful having a company. But now that I do everything myself, I feel more satisfied. I enjoy it.

The GOT7 members have all started solo activities. It must not have been easy for everyone, how did you come to your decision?

Right. It definitely was not easy. The seven of us researched a lot so that we can continue as GOT7 together. But then we thought that we should broaden our view so each of us could end up in a better situation. In the process, what we each wanted changed a little and, there is a future that each person dreams of right? The company said we did everything we could do on our part and that they will cheer us on in the future, that made me feel proud. We are also very thankful to the company. I felt that we received a lot of protection under a large umbrella. After all, the company is like the mother that gave birth to GOT7, so I’m thankful to them and respect them. I also thought a lot and looked into a lot of things about how to continue as GOT7. I also went to the president and asked him for advice, and I greeted and thanked Jinyoungie hyung for everything.

While preparing for new activities, what was the thing most discussed amongst the members?

“So what is it that you want to do?” “So what do you want to do?” We asked that a lot. So everyone said “We have to do it" So I asked again “No, not 'I have to', but do you want to do this? Or do you not want to do this?” If you are going to do something, you should do it properly, right? If you are not going to do something with an active attitude, I think it’s better to not do it. So we all came together and decided to give it a try.

It’s clear that you are GOT7’s leader.

One advice the company president told me was that my talent and effort as a leader starts now. Personally handling matters related to our recent digital single, I felt this “Taking the lead as a leader, I need to really work hard.” There was a lot of pressure, but if I don’t do it, who would. It pushed me to work hard.

You mentioned very clearly in your social media livestream that “GOT7 did not disband.” I felt your affection towards the team, what does GOT7 mean to JAY B?

One extremely important thing in my life. Actually, it’s an indispensable part. I’m thankful for the fact that our team exists. You have to know that because GOT7 existed, we individually exist too. It wouldn't matter if my beginning was as a solo, but my beginning was as GOT7. That's what made me who I am now.

How is Lim Jaebeom different as JAY B within GOT7, JJ Project, Jus2 and ØFFSHORE?

Comprehensively they’re all sides of me but if I have to split them, they would be a novel vibe versus an essay vibe. ØFFSHORE and Def. are all about music I like, regardless of genres, and honest stories I want to tell. As for GOT7, JJ Project and Jus2, we would have a particular concept and make it a bit more fancy.

Most of the songs you have shown on SoundCloud are R&B genres with a groovy feel. Have you ever had a conflict between music you want to do and music you have to do?

I felt that I needed to work harder to prove [myself] to do what I wanted to do. I can’t always be spoon-fed. To prove [myself] I made more GOT7 tracks and sent around 15~20 demos. Later on Jinyoung hyung and the president acknowledged me and said “Jaebeom will take care of the musical aspect. You can trust him with that.” I felt really proud hearing that. I don’t really feel a sense of conflict between the musical differences. From pop and R&B to folk and modern rock, I don't want to draw lines between genres and make music that sounds good.

We are curious about the music JAY B will show alone and what you’ll pursue. What stories do you want to tell?

I want to do a variety of things. Alone, I think I will try mixing genres and do things that are fun and experimental. I can also do R&B pop or Urban genres which I’ve originally liked. But that might change later on.

Is there an artist you’d like to collaborate with in the future?

Someone with a pleasant tone to listen to. Even now, when I listen to music and I like the artist’s tone, I send them a DM asking if they’d like to collaborate. And Korea's top hip hop artist, IU-nim. Do you think it's possible? (Laughs).

Then would you like to send a message to IU?

Suddenly? Um… I will work very hard. If by chance you think my song is alright, I would love for you to add your nice voice to them. (Laughs)

An appearance that may seem cold with a tsundere charm. But what do you think your real personality is like?

I’m the type that is quiet and calm, but people close to me tell me I’m a weird person. When I cry reading a book or watching a movie, or when I get emotional they say “It’s so weird, it doesn’t suit you.”

Are you the tender type?

I think I just often get hit by waves of emotions.

We’re curious about the lifestyle you seek and your values.

To live each day without any regrets.

Is there a place you’d like to visit after COVID-19 ends?

Kyoto, Japan. It’s a place where there is a lot of Japanese heritage and it’s also pretty.

Recently you have combined your two Instagram accounts @jaybnow.hr and @def.cnvs, what was the reason?

I’m the one doing everything after all, it is just the musical name that was different. I can’t split my body into two. I realised I could combine them into one account and just show the difference within it. And as I get older, it’s hard to manage two accounts. (Laughs). Was I too honest? Now I'm confused about what's what.

Was there any other moment that made you feel old?

I don’t do much and my whole body aches. In the past, my body wouldn’t get affected by the weather. Now when the weather is gloomy my back hurts and my knees go numb. (Laughs).

I can see that you’re interested in artistic aspects such as photography, painting and fashion etc. Do these things influence your music?

Of course. They affect the way you live in itself. I’m a person who wants to express and leave behind what I feel. Calling myself an artist feels somehow cocky.

What are you interested in recently?

It’s not art but I’m interested in moving around. Living as a freelancer, I spent more time lying down at home, but now I need a fast-paced daily life. I try to wake up in the morning to eat breakfast and nutritional supplements then go outside to photosynthesize and soak in the world. Everyone has to keep moving. (Laughs).

Are you interested in fashion and lifestyle curation and design etc?

I don’t think I’m a person who dresses up exceptionally well, but if someone asks I’d be willing to help.

What would you introduce as JAY B’s preference?

Freedom. Regarding fashion too, I liked vintage and grunge styles but recently I’m interested in work look and amecage styles. My preference keeps changing. I can't define myself clearly either, but I like the sense of being free.

What inspires you?

Many situations and people, my experiences as well as indirect experiences.

How do you have an indirect experience?

Watching movies and reading books. Nowadays I read song lyrics and unfold the scenes in my head. I try to think of various points of view in these one-act plays.

To JAY B, love is?

Nonexistent. A moment. I don’t know. As you live life, I think falling in love is a momentary emotion. If it lasts long, I think it’s affection not love. I'm a person who has to talk about love, but sometimes I wonder if it’s okay to feel this way. There are also many different forms of love. The love that my parents give me and the love that my fans send me. I’m thankful for everything.

While promoting for 10 years, what was the happiest moment and most lacking point?

I feel like every moment until now has been somehow lacking. Whenever you look back you end up thinking “I should’ve done better back then.” I think everyone feels that way. But I never regret those times I’ve spent. The happiest instance was when I spotted my parents at a fanmeeting and ran to them and held them while singing. It felt like I was boasting to my fans “These people are my father and mother,” and it also felt like I was showing my parents how I was receiving that many fans’ love and support. I'm thankful that the fans looked at my family happily at that moment.

Have you ever had a slump?

I don't think about something if I think I'm going to fall into something serious, but I'm the type who gets stressed out to do something new.

You are loved not only in Korea but also abroad, have you ever thought about why your fans like you so much?

A lot. I just don't understand. I'm not even popular among my friends... Why on earth?

Think of at least one thing.

Maybe it’s because I worked hard steadily? To be honest, during the past 10 years I have never not tried my best on stage. I can say this with confidence. I’m thankful to be able to do what I like as a job. I have told the members about this previously, I’m sorry for not being affectionate to fans onstage. It’s my nature so I can’t help it. But I have never been indifferent as a singer onstage, that is a fact.

Your bucket list that you surely want to achieve this year?

Being healthy mentally and physically. Since the members have started their solo activities this year, I think I should release an album as well.

Any words for the readers?

Everyone, I’m not saying this as a formal greeting but I really want to say thank you. Hmm… How should I put this? Don’t worry since we are not disbanding. That’s why I tried hard to release the digital single. Continuing on I’m going to try my best to do as much as I can. You might feel disappointed at times along the way, and I apologize in advance for that. But what I can promise is that I’m going to do my best. Thank you so much for supporting me for 10 years. You all know this already, but I’m not so good at things like sending hearts and saying thanks affectionately. I just want to speak sincerely. Thank you so much. I hope everyone will be more happy, not just because you like and support us… I could sound arrogant saying it like this but... I hope our fans are sturdy people who will find their own small sources of happiness in their daily lives even if that isn’t us. And I hope everyone is happy. I’m so thankful and I want to ask you to trust me.

Lastly let us know your future plans.

We will try our best to match our times and do GOT7, JJ Project and Jus2 etc. no matter what. Even if our times don’t match somehow, we’ll try our best to gather even 4 or 5 people and return, so don’t worry. And Dobby is free now. (Laughs). I will do my best in everything. I've made a lot of songs and I'm diligently working on songs right now too, so look forward to it. You’ll be able to listen to it soon. Thank you. This has been GOT7 JAY B. Please give lots of love to The Star’s April issue!

Translated by defdaily.

[hwrryscherry]

The one when Y/N meets Harry.

 November 28th, 2017 - Shanghai, China

Today is the day. Today is the day you’ll be walking for Victoria’s Secret for the first time. Dreams do come true. You traveled all the way up from New York to Shanghai with some of your best friends after getting ready for this day for the past months. It wasn’t easy if you must admit. Having to follow a strict diet and working out almost every day was hard but being here today it’s totally worth it.

   ‘’Alright, it’s almost show time. I need everybody to be ready by minutes!’’ — The stage manager yelled while walking through all those tall ladies that were probably much taller than him. As usual, there’s going to be four segments and I’ll be in just two of them. At this moment, it’ll be the Goddess segment which looks completely stunning. You look around to see all those gorgeous women around me with their perfectly styled hair, beautiful golden wings and lingerie getting their final touch ups just like you are. You have no idea if it’s the amount of people around you now that are touching your hair, putting makeup in your face, fixing up the tiara or even if it’s the idea of having all eyes on you in just a few minutes. Of course, you wanted it to be perfect, it’s your first VS show and you can’t stand the thought of falling or anything like this.

You tried to calm down and focus on your breathing while staring to those extremely big screens hanged on the wall that showed the stage from every possible angle and you could totally notice that there was a lot of people out there.

‘‘I remember my first time too! I felt like my heart was about to leave my body’‘. Bella, that was right beside me getting herself ready as well.

 ‘‘Well, yeah! I’m one step to passing out now’‘. You joked while feeling this small woman finishing the touch ups of your outfit. It was stunning. There was a lingerie, of course, which looked like a white color but it was actually more into ai really light tone of grey. And they complemented it with a super long baby blue fabric over the lingerie. You had a super goddess like a golden tiara upon your head and some diamonds made up jewelry on your neck and years that probably costed more money than you could afford.

‘‘Romee! Where is Romee?We need Romee!’‘. The stage manager called Romee as she would be opening the runaway and you could see from the corner of your eye that she was almost running to get from the starting place. She literally looked like a Greek goddess with those beautiful long blonde locks and blue eyes. ‘‘Ok girls, I need all of you to get by your entering positions, alright?’‘ , by this phrase, all of you start to go to your marked positions. Yours was right before Bella which made you a little bit more confident because at least you had to do it with your best friend by your side. 

You stared again at the big screens in the wall that showed the stage, seeing that it was a little bit dark, there was a big structure rising up from the floor and apparently there was a band inside of it. Everything looked really well produced, and you really tried to recognize in some way the melody of the instrumental song that was playing to know who was the band but your mind was totally blank now. All you could focus on was that you were just about to realize one of your biggest dreams. You looked at the line of tall girls in front of you as you listened to a scream. You knew this song by the melody. You couldn’t believe your ears and eyes. It was Only Angel by Harry Styles, it literally was Harry Styles. For some reason the fact of knowing this song so well made you a lot more confident. He started singing and the stage manager told Romee to go when Harry sang ‘’Broke a finger, knocking on your bedroom door’’ and Romee started doing her fabulous catwalk. And then Laís Ribeiro entered with the fantasy bra, which it’s the million dollar bra from VS, again, probably more expensive that you could afford. By the time that Romee came back from the backstage you were just leaving.

Being there totally put your adrenaline levels the highest it has ever been. The light, the other models, the crowd, the song. Everything was perfect. You were smiling thinking to yourself ‘’please don’t cry, please don’t fall’’, but you manage to do it, one foot in front of the other and posture, you looked glamorous, mostly like what Aphrodite would look like in real life.

‘’I must admit I thought I'd like to make you mine As I went about my business through the warning signs End up meeting in the hallway every single time And there's nothing we can do about it’’

That was the part Harry had just song when you entered. Harry, of course, didn’t know you as you never talked before, except for that one DM. But he was stunned by the moment he saw you walking. He thought to himself how spectacular you looked as you walked towards him with that beautiful smile of yours.

‘’Told it to her brother and she told it to me That she's gonna be angel, just you wait and see’‘

Harry kept singing as you walked beside him. You looked at him and winked at the British boy as you held the baby blue fabric over you up to create a wing effect and Harry was just so caught up with the song and the moment that he kneeled down. Harry Styles literally got on his knees to you while signing those exact words:  

‘’When it turns out she's a devil in between the sheets And there's nothing she can do about it Hey, hey’’ 

You were surprised. Shocked actually. But the show couldn’t stop because you were flattered and honored about the fact that HARRY STYLES GOT ON HIS KNEES for you. So you kept walking and blew a kiss in the air to the camera started to walk back to the backstage when you saw your mom in the crowd looking extremely proud of her baby, you waved at her right before entering the backstage again.  

The models were all celebrating and hugging the others. In the moment you step into the backstage Bella came hugging you and you hugged her back. You feel so happy and pround of yourself for that. The camera focused on you guys as you looked to the camera and said ‘’It was amazing!’’. And it really was. Your heart was beating as fast as never and even the same small lady that was fixing your outfit earlier came to you and Bella saying ‘’Come on girls, you have to change outfits!”. You and Bella walked hand in hand to the appareal and only parted ways when had to change lingeries. This time Bella and you wouldn’t walk at the fellow segment and apparently has Harry’s again.

The lingerie looked different though, this one was a black lingerie with actual wings. Some beautiful and medium sized blue wings and blue long gloves. And again you were ready to enter the stage. Looking up to the screens as I was going to watch this time, the big structure was rising from the floor again and Candice Swanepoel entered looking fabulous, I mean, it’s Candace right. 

In general, the show was so good. He sang Kiwi, which is one of your favorites. You couldn’t stop singing at the backstage the entire time. And when the entire show was done and everybody was backstage eating pizza so you’re a hundred percent happy now, Harry was a little farther away from you wondering if he should go talk or not with you, even though he have this feeling that he knows you from somewhere and he just can’t remember where. So he decided he would come with the excuse that he thinks he have met you before. Harry walked towards you wearing a black suit with a pink shirt while holding a red cup with coke on. You were so focused on eating your pizza and didn’t even noticed the boy behind you, so he touched your right shoulder with his hand calmly while talking lowly ‘’Excuse me’’ as you turned out to look at him. You were still in your outfit except for those big blue wings that you had already taken off and at that moment Harry thought to himself about even though he had met tons of pretty women in his life but you were the prettiest. Everything about you was beautiful, your eyes, your nose, your lips and that smile you had held up in your face since the runaway. You were focused on his face too. You stared into his big green eyes and how they were sparkling in this moment.

— Hi! I... — He said, brushing his thought of his mind and held out his right hand for you — I’m Harry!

— I know!  — You told him shaking your hands with his as a meeting form, soon using the same his to grab one more piece of pizza  —  I’m Y/N! You were so great out there, really I’m impressed!

  — Oh  —  Harry said while exhaling a small laugh while analyzing your face to try to know with you were flirting, or just being nice. You were just being nice. Of course Harry is extremely handsome, but you really just think he’s being friendly at this moment.  —  So I made a good first impression then! That’s good.

— Excuse me? Of course you did! I love your songs, I’m like a super fan.  —  You told him being honest, you have been normally shy meeting new people, but something in how he acted and talked really made you feel comfortable straight away.

—  I’m flattered! — Harry said, putting his free hand over his clothed while closing his eyes and giving you a cheeky smile — So..Is this your first time in Shanghai?

—   Yes! I haven’t been to many places actually, just basic Fashion Week places by now, which I love of course! Is it your first time too?

— Actually yes! I’m on tour but me and my band mates are gonna take a walk through the city this night, you know, to have a experience  —  Harry explained to you and turned around a little to show you his band mates by the corner of the room where Mitch, Adam, Sarah, Naomi and Charlotte who were staring at you both indiscreetly waved as noticed that Harry were pointing at them. As the nice girl you were, you smiled and waved at them back before returning your attention to Harry  — Maybe you would like to come with us...If you want of course, don’t feel obligated to, please!

You laughed about his concern of making you feel obligated or uncomfortable about something and looked around searching for Bella through the room, you saw her talking with the other models and stared back at Harry.

—  I’m with my friend Bella and we kinda wanted to do the same thing so.. If it’s okay if she comes too, I really want to, don’t worry!   —  You were truthful, you and Bella really were planning to explore Shanghai through the night, but of course you wouldn’t go out in a city you don’t know with a group of people you don’t know. You truly don’t think they would be capable of causing you any kind of harm, but it’s always great to be cautious.

— It’s perfect! Let’s go then, do you want to go now or?... —  Harry asked tenderly while rubbing his multiple rings on his hand.

— I mean...I gotta put some clothes on, but we’ll do it now and we’ll find you guys here?  —  You said, putting a lock of your hair behind your ear before leaving your empty cup by the table beside both of you.

— Sure!

[blxetsi]

modern sasha braus dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!sasha braus x gn!reader

had to write something for my queen 😌✨

- she shares her food with you. I Dont Care She Does

- also since this is a modern au i dont think she would have such an obsession with food as she does in the canonverse (if we can even call it an obsession) i still think she would have a big appetite (and she'd be proud of it tf 😏🙏) but i just dont see her always being hungry as the fandom makes her out to be

- really likes to hold hands with you

- i think itd be really cute if she was studying to become a baker ?? maybe taking a culinary course at the university you two attend ?? maybe you somehow met there or through a friend

- i think she'd still be insecure about her accent (ig if this is au is set in america she'd be from the south 😐🤚) and would speak kind of like a robot to people she didn't know that well

- connie and jean ALWAYS bring out her accent tho,, like with them she can really be herself

- i think when you were starting to get to know her she would be speaking very formally, and youd take it like shes being kinda stand offish or like,, just doesnt wanna talk so youre thinking "okay maybe she doesnt wanna be friends 😁👍" and would back off

- now sasha's upset because you are so cool and unique and she just wants to know so much about you but youve been very distant lately ?? like did she do something wrong ??

- she tells connie, jean, marco, and niccolo one night and connie and jean are on the side of "find y/n and demand to know why their behavior has changed" while marco and niccolo are on the side of "respectfully dm y/n and ask why they havent been wanting to see sasha recently"

- sasha goes with the latter of the two and dms you after passing you in the dining hall, you two literally keep glancing at each other, texting while you sit with your respective friend groups

- after everything gets cleared up sasha is immediately inviting you to hang out with her crew, and even getting some of her other friends like eren, mikasa, and ymir and historia to come join too

- if she has all the people shes comfortable with there, itll be less scary talking with her accent !

- You Love It. You Think Its Adorable.

- you guys would definitely have a friends to lovers type relationship

- like friendly hugs turn into slightly longer hugs, and now sasha will constantly ask to sit next to you during movie nights

- loves to rest her head on your lap while she spreads across the couch

- i think you two would have your first kiss in niccolos apartment

- you two were sitting in his kitchen, with sasha munching on the leftover food he made that night for your get together

- his mom had called him so he decided to leave to go to his bedroom to answer it

- and slowly you guys just kind of,,,, leaned in 🙈✨

- it was slow and really romantic, kinda rough with the crumbs that were around sasha's lips but you didn't mind

- niccolo barged in and ruined the moment 😐🤚 good going pal 😁👍

- you two were so shocked that you two tried to leave

- ended up just walking down the road in silence like wtf i thought yall were trying to get away from each other 😭😭😭😭

- sasha ended up staying the night 🤩‼️

- NOT in a sexual way

- but in like a,,,, rue and jules kinda way where jules comes in through the window (but only sasha didnt come in through the window she came in the front door with you) and you two held each other and gave each other smooches for the rest of the night

- sasha woke up late and missed her morning classes 😐🤚 didnt even care and went back to sleep with you

- i think for the most part you get along well with her friend group

- youre definitely closer to connie, jean, niccolo, marco, and historia

- ymir teases you guys a lot and you cant tell if what she says is just jokes (it always is) or if shes completely serious

- eren, mikasa, armin, annie, along with reiner and bertholdt are more of aquantances to you, just because you dont see them as often as you do the others

- she has such a weird relationship with her english professor

- will literally complain how much work he gives his class and then the next day will gush about how great he his bc he gave her a granola bar for her effort in her assignment

- girl pick a script and stick to it 😐🤚

- has a collection of stuffies on her bed. i dont make the rules.

- anytime theres a carnival in town she drags EVERYONE there.

- you all agree to split up into groups so you can all check out what you want, but you always agree to meet up and eat funnel cake together 🥺

- sasha tries to get you to win her new stuffies

- if you cant do it, or just want some for yourself, shes calling connie and niccolo up PLEADING with them to come find you guys,

- then she claims theres been an ACCIDENT and that you two need help

- niccolo is zooming bc he cares abt his besties 😌✨

- connie texts jean and marco to come find you guys too 😭😭😭

- who gets a kick and a lecture for lying courtesy of niccolo ? sasha. but who also gets a bunch of stuffies won for her courtesy of niccolo ? sasha.

- for your anniversary i think she'd want to do something really fun with you

- she'd set up a pillow fort and have a bunch ot string lights and stuff, have all of her favourite stuffies (which are the ones she thinks of you when she sees) in there too.

- she has chips, she baked little pastries and cookies, and she ordered your favourite takeout

- you guys just watch whatever you want on netflix or whatever and its such a nice night

- it becomes a tradition for you guys, but you two always take turns with setup

- one year sasha did all of the planning, baking and whatnot ? okay now its your turn 😁👍

- you guys even started doing themes now 🤩

- if you guys play board games with your friends youre on sasha's side whether you want to be or not.

- shes also the kind of person that says "i can win fair and square !" but then when bertholdt starts kicking her ass in monopoly her script changes real quick 🙄

- now its "y/n,,, give me some of ur money" and "y/n, buy this property for me" like girl,,,, what happened to playing fair 😍⁉️

- will try and do all of those s/o pranks you see on tiktok

- its hard to get a genuine reaction out of you bc you can TELL SHES RECORDING but she tries anyways

- we love a perservering queen 😌✨

- will call you at random times of the day asking if you guys can see each other

- "y/n ??? are you there ??" "sasha its 2am wtf do you want 😐" "do you wanna ride your bike with me down to the park 🥺"

- also is very observant, knows when youre overworking yourself

- will try and pull you away from what youre working on like "lets go get you something to drink, or maybe we can watch an episode of that show you like before you continue working !"

- if youre persistent that you just HAVE to finish it tonight and cant stop and take a break she'll respect that, until you stay at your laptop for over an hour 😐

- just softly pulls you away like "no lovebug, lets get some sleep okay ?"

- is also very protective of you

- overheard someone making fun of you ?? talking shit ??? her besties better hold her back before she gets suspended 😤‼️

- and since connie and jean absolutely ADORE you, you better believe theyre helping their girl sasha out

- those three are the LEADERS of the "protect y/n club"

- it just becomes niccolo and marco trying to dissolve the situation before it gets physical, and then reiner and armin joining when they walk directly into the chaos

- armin tells you what happened and as much as youre thankful that sasha cares about you so much that she'd defend you like that, you lecture her, jean and connie on not making scenes like that again

- sasha's love language is kind of like,, a mixture of quality time and physical touch

- she just really loves spending time with you, but also very much enjoys being in your arms

- she doesnt shy away from it, and is usually the one to initiate those things

- will hold your hand PROUDLY down hallways or on streets

- always hypes you up too, shes very much so your personal hypeman

- "oh lovebug you look SO GOOD rn oh my god" "sasha pls im in my pyjamas" "and you look like a model baby !"

- sasha is very stubborn however, and if you guys ever fight she is NEVER the one to apologize first, or seek you out to talk about it

- even if shes in the wrong she cant bring herself to admit it, she dug herself into such a deep hole with the stance she took that she doesnt want to take the walk of shame in admitting that she wasnt right

- this can cause a lot of problems in your relationship, but after you explain how much it affects you, shes trying to change

- will always work on her stubborn-ness and pride

- and it actually makes her feel a lot better being able to admit defeat, or being wrong

- she really likes being communicative and honest, especially with you

- i think overall your relationship with sasha is very very fun, filled with good memories, good food, good friends, and most importantly, love.

no bc i really do love her 😐🤚 lemme marry miss braus rq 😏✨

hope u guys enjoyed !! remember requests are open so if you have anything youd like me to write DONT BE SHY ❤️‼️

[uzuneapologist]

@labor9​ this got too long to fit in an ask so i’m putting it here jhfjhjdf. you are opening the floodgates by asking me about my dnd characters i just want you to know that going in. anyway. 

hartwin “hart” byrd (haha) is a rogue w/ the assassin archetype and urchin background - it’s not a perfect fit for his backstory but it’s really the closest i could come up with which is close enough for me. he’s a generally friendly, helpful young man who just so happens to kill people for money sometimes! as of right now i have his alignment set as chaotic good potentially leaning into chaotic neutral territory because he does still have, like, a sense of morality and tries to be kind and helpful and do good things for people he’s just also... willing to do some fucked up things to get to those ends.

hart grew up in an area that was struck by some kind of calamity when he was young that left a lot of kids orphaned, including himself. as one of the oldest as he grew up he took a lot of responsibility on taking care of the younger kids and even as an adult he stayed on at the orphanage in that older brother/caretaker role. he also taught basic classes in stuff like reading writing and arithmetic to his younger siblings and the other children in town. aaaand then one day he came home to find the orphanage burned to the ground and everyone inside dead except for one of his siblings, who was kidnapped, which spurred him onto a combined revenge/rescue mission which he’s been traveling in pursuit of ever since.

again, If You Know You Know but the dm doesn’t so it’s fine (hart has the most standardly “edgy/dark” backstory out of all my dnd characters so far. he’s also in the lowest stakes campaign so far. an assassin who hasn’t had any reason to assassinate anyone is very funny to me)

his traveling companion and beloved kallias uccello (google that for an extension of the theme naming joke) is a college of tragedy bard with the noble background and the young heir to a noble family who was always a bit too shy and anxious and prone to hiding out in the library among the books for hours on end rather than put himself in a social situation, and was eventually thrown out and disowned as a result. the uccellos fucking suck we hate them. luckily for him hart offered to let him travel with him for a while, sort of intending to help him get set up in another town and go their separate ways but that never happened and they’ve been together ever since! i love kallias. he’s just a little guy i wanna squish him  

unlike hitori hart doesn’t have a gun but he does have a lot of knives

like, a lot of knives

i’ve actually talked to my dm about this but in any situation where he’s not expected to bring weapons he’ll keep one of his daggers hidden in his boot. just in case. you never know. (he’s a little bit paranoid)

hart does a lot of “odd jobs” to earn money while he’s traveling, which is a combination of actually just picking up bits of work here and there that random people need done, and also going out and killing people either for information or money, or sometimes both. he doesn’t like it but he justifies it to himself along the lines of “well if someone is willing to pay me a lot of money to see them dead then they’re probably not a very good person anyway so maybe they deserve to die.” he is however also aware that this is not necessarily true but he tries not to think about it too hard so he can sleep at night

kallias knows he’s searching for his missing sibling but doesn’t necessarily know all of the details about what happened (hart really, really doesn’t like to talk about it) and has no idea he’s an assassin. so it’ll be fun for him to find that out at some point

also completely coincidentally it turns out that the other two player characters in the campaign he and kallias are in are both teenagers and he’s already started “shifting into Dad Mode” as one of their players put it

anyway i could go on but this post is long enough already so yeah. that’s my boy

[qingxintea]

➼ chongyun || hiraeth

tw: mention of knives (no violence), kidnapping, explosion _______

you angled your camera to catch your face and upper body correctly and adjusted your blinds for the correct lighting. you put thin pieces of yellow and pink paper over your lamp to give off a sunset lighting sort of aesthetic in your minimalist room. your tiny cacao tree sat in the corner of your room, setting some sort of simple beach vibe.

then, you began to stream.

you watched as majority of your followers came to view as you sat in your rolly gaming chair. the greetings came rushing in and you noticed two of your friends had came along too, xingqiu and chongyun.

"hey gang, it's kingexplosionmurder here with your weekly sunday stream," you smiled and watched as comments came in asking you to notice them. beginning to select randomly, you flicked a short strand of hair behind your ear. "you have been noticed, yourlocalsugardaddy," you blessed them. and you swore you chose randomly.

on the other side of the screen, chongyun's face slightly flushed before eating his popsicle again. yes, that was his username, selected by xingqiu after the guhua heir was somehow able to trick him into selecting so. the situation must've been that he accidentally consumed some jueyun chili's, that was also xingqiu's doing.

he watched you smile as you explained your schedule for this stream, when he noticed you suddenly began laughing. it sounded genuine, he wanted to believe it was genuine, but there was a trace of disappointment in it. he observed your face, noticing you were looking at the chat box. "i agree too, scarymoose."

scarymoose: this streamer's kinda dog shit ngl 😐

by instinct, his fingers grazed over the keyboard as he analyzed the tone. this kid wasn't joking around with himself, he was really out to bring you down. he exhaled, shaking his head, wondering how you would deal in the situation.

yourlocalsugardaddy: miss karen this isn't yelp 🙄

he wasn't content with that yet, things could've gone onto more serious matters, but he knew you liked to keep your chat clean and peaceful. you went to the farther extents to keep that from happening, agreeing with rude comments yourself as a said joke, but actually have it sometimes harming you.

so chongyun tried his best to keep you happy.

redrumreaper: yo moose chill 😳

he recognized his friend xingqiu also trying to calm the situation as you just laughed it off and attempted to continue, sooner enough just beginning to ignore all his comments. some other viewers came up to your defense but in all honesty, you wanted to move on.

"s-so, i found some silk flowers outside of wangshuu inn yesterday, aren't they pretty?" you took a tiny bouquet of the said silk flowers and presented it to your viewers, holding it next to your cheek. the pink tone of the flowers matched the color of your cheeks and made for a nice picture. chongyun would've screenshotted it, but he respected your privacy.

yourlocaldumba$$: yes they're so pretty we love you 😍

13lue13erry: yes ong ong 💕 thiccer than my granny

Straw13erry: don't bring madame ping into this 💀💀

colino: are you sure it's alright to take from someone's legally owned property ?? much less from their garden

Straw13erry: u mean ur neighbors don't harvest ur flowers every day? 🙄 privilege spoke 🤚

yourlocalsugardaddy: vv pretty 😳

redrumreaper: simp 💀

you slightly choked over on your side and xingqiu calling chongyun a simp, for you. quickly clearing your throat, you regained your composure. your viewers could see that your cheeks had been dusted with a darker shade now.

13lue13erry: 👀

Straw13erry: 👀

yourlocaldumba$$: 👀

redrumreaper: 👀

sireluck: 💀

bazinga: 👀

dandelionn: 👀

poetichoe: 👀

"okay- anyways," you pushed that aside, watching the chain of 👀's coming in. you weren't too sure at what they were referring to, but just assumed that they were interested in xingqiu exposing chongyun. but, there was no way chongyun really felt like that, right? it was just a friendly compliment from what you believed. "just a tiny flex but y'all guys, i am so cracked at apex, not gonna lie. for all the new followers out there," you randomly commented. 'and to change the subject.'

"actually, you know what? fuck the schedule, let's go to trolling little eight year old kids posting selfies on instagram. due to certain reasons i'm just not gonna be blurring their usernames out, but please don't spam these people, i don't wanna be cancelled 💗" you sweetly smiled as you pulled up instagram and started streaming on your phone.

of course your sus notifications ruined it 🤡🤡

because xingqiu took advantage of the situation, sending messages to your discord. nothing mentioning your romantic life because he knew better than that, but just trolling. 'HEY GANG. ITS ME, TONY, AND TODAY WE'RE GONNA SEE IF IM FASTER THAN THIS MOUSE TRAP.' 'TURNS OUT, I AM NOT FASTER THAN THIS MOUSE TRAP.' 'AN UPDATE, IT HURTS. ALRIGHT. BYE GUYS.' you tried hard to contain your laughter, but certain giggles came out in the end, giggles that made chongyun's heart flutter.

xingqiu just kept spamming without a stop, to the point that you accidentally clicked into the notification instead of someone's username on a selfie post. so now everyone could see your group chat with xingqiu, chongyun, and a few other viewers that were actually your other friends.

13lue13erry: oh no 🤡

Straw13erry: 🗿

yourlocaldumba$$: HAHAHAHA WE'RE EXPOSED 🤡👌

just water support boy 😔: image.png

oh my god he's sending chongyun catboy edits. you made this concerning noise, glad no one really seemed to know who chongyun really was on twitch. you went back to instagram, beginning to dm a random kid, ignoring the situation that had just happened.

chongyun choked, slight heat running to his cheeks. what the fuck was xingqiu doing- how did he even get those pictures? maybe it was that one time xingqiu forced him to go to a furry con, but how did he ever get the time to photograph these? he nervously fidgeted and played with his fingers.

13lue13erry: 🤡

Straw13erry: 🤡

yourlocaldumba$$: 🤡

redrumreaper: 🤡

<— oraoraoraor

kingexplosionmurder: chav check

oraoraoraor: what

kingexplosionmurder: chav: check 😹😹

oraoraoraor: bruh

oraoraoraor: who tf are you

kingexplosionmurder: hope you like baddies cause i'm bad at everything 💗

oraoraoraor: bruh ok i'm blocking

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: 😐

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: wtf

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: wait wait UR that one twitch streamer?

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: ig ur fans gonna be so disappointed in you

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

oraoraoraor: hahaha wtf i'm gonna post this and tag you

kingexplosionmurder: stop dming me

afterwards you sent a barrage of really cursed images and left the person on read when they tried to complain and get a reaction out of you. you chuckled, extremely satisfied with yourself. this is what your viewers followed you for. you went on hunting for another user, "GO Y/N GO" filling up your chat.

you were just about to dm this other kid until you heard a ring from your doorbell. "oh what the fuck, i didn't invite anyone. but you know what, i'll pull something up to entertain y'all guys while i'm afk." searching on youtube, you typed in 'banana fish ep. 1' and clicked on the longest video you saw. then you got up from your chair, making your way to the front door.

you didn't mute yourself before because you thought there was really no need to, and you underestimated your mic sensitivity. god did you wish that you could go back and time and do just that.

twisting the doorknob, you opened your door and was met with... a certain, someone.

someone that you recognized and has caused you so much pain, and it was all so fun and games before they had to come along. "bruh. aight what you here for fam?" you played it super chill, though you were really sick and tired of this person's shit.

"(y/n). we need to talk," her stern voice made you flinch as you just stared straight into her eyes. you simply nodded your head and crossed your arms, shifting your weight onto your right leg. "we're thinking of taking you back home."

your froze, your breath hitching as you just stood there, waiting for her to go on. clenching your fists and looking down, you stayed silent for a little moment and questioned, "...why?"

"well, you have a stable income source, right?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips. "you can finally be of use to us," she clasped her hands together, a bright smile on her face. your finger twitched, awaiting an explanation. "you're a streamer, yeah? so you can be a useful asset to our family name."

"...you only want me to come back so i can make you all seem... good?"

and here you thought, just for a second, that you would be accepted back into the place where you really belonged. your shoulders slumped, as small tears began to well up in your eyes. "and for our profitable gain of course, it would be a shame to not acquire that from you."

you composed yourself and looked up. "im afraid my profit can only cover for one person, and it would be myself that i focus to make a suitable and independent living out of. you've kicked me out ever since i've graduated from college and had me fend for myself, now inviting me back once i have a stable job?" you breathed, fiddling with the sleeves of your black hoodie.

"oh, not inviting, dear. taking."

confused by her words, you let your guard down as she suddenly pushed a warm cloth over your mouth as you let out a constrained scream. you tried to break free of her grasp, reaching for the switchblade in your pocket, but the drowsing chemicals from the cloth took control of you and you felt disoriented. "you... bitch..."

your head hit the floor.

》●✿ time ● skip ✿●

silence.

thats all you heard when you awoke.

pure, unfiltered silence that overwhelmed you as you were completely lost. what was happening?

you tried turning to the other side of your childhood bed, the moon casting light shadows into your 'room'. there was a rope around your wrists you noticed, so you brought them up to your lips and starting gnawing on them until it broke apart. (guys we feral its not a furry instinct ok?/ ??  ?)

the material had irritated your skin, but you put that aside for now. escape- thats what you really needed to do. it was fairly dark, but you didn't have a good estimate of time. the analog clock was broken and set to a different time that displayed 11AM. you sat up, your fingers running along the frame of the window next to you.

for a moment, you stopped, thoughts rushing into your head. what if you could start a whole other life here where things could finally be peaceful, what if you didn't have to feel so isolated anymore, what if you could- ...

no. (y/n), get yourself together. what has happened will anyways stay there, and there is no healing scars. ...still, you couldn't shake off the feeling of missing this home so much when you had an amazing childhood, though full of fake actors who had manipulated you.

opening all the cabinets silently, you grabbed things that you assumed would come to your aid. a tiny backpack, which you then stuffed with other things around it. a first aid kit, a spare knife just in case, along with a clean oversized sweater and a couple dollar bills. all that, along with a compass.

you turned towards your window, stepping on your bed.

pushing open the sides of your window, your stepped on, the brown coldness of the frame coming in contact with your feet. you shivered just a little bit before stopping to think. what would you do once you were out of here? you barely knew your way here. and not to mention, your devices were still left at your other house, so there was no way of contact.

...

did your stream ever end? even if it did, had you muted yourself before leaving? no, you didn't, and you could remember in precise detail. someone out there, anyone, would be willing to help, right? you couldn't possibly be here forever, not when you're basically blown up all over your socials?

your friends, yes, your friends! xingqiu and chongyun were watching the stream and had made obvious interaction in doing so, and they'd be willing to protect you. if they just had a lead...

but... what lead was there? all they heard was the woman's voice and, that was probably it, wasn't it? only a voice with no other clear features that could identify her. it looked like you were doing this on your own.

you came in contact with the blades of grass tickling your feet and conveniently found a pair of sneakers outside. it definitely wasn't yours, and it smelled like the scent of your old room. most likely, it belonged to someone from inside your house, lavender and mint, but who inside there was in the age range to wear modern day sneakers..?

brushing that question aside, you unhesitatingly laced them on and they were just a bit too big, but you could manage.

you breathed, inhaling the freedom intertwined air, a much needed factor of bringing you back to your lost sense of happiness. then, the fear struck you once again, because you needed to improvise now. you needed to run, but which direction? you barely knew this place at all.

you dug around your pocket for the compass you had and it was pointing east. you remember that stepping out of your house was facing west, so you were going the right way... but who knows how messy the path was? it couldn't have been an exact pathway, but going directly ahead was your simplest option.

you heard a pair of footsteps coming from inside the house, probably a few seconds away to opening the door. you sucked in your breath and ran, ran as far as your legs could take you. your intimidating speed and played into your advantage, and taking one last look, you saw the lights on, before continuing.

a few minutes into it, you felt some elemental energy. it was a sense you learned to develop since you were young, giving you the upper hand in a variety of situations. you followed the trail of glowing lines, the air starting to get colder and colder. you shuddered, the crisp coldness nipping at your skin.

you sat below a tree, taking your backpack off your shoulder and took out the oversized sweater. you put it on over your black tee and light blue skinny jeans, its nostalgic aroma filling your sense of smell.

it was... warm.

it shouldn't be warm.

the warmth proved as a sign that someone had worn it before, but this size was from what you knew, too small to fit the woman you came across again, and you absolutely did not recall any other beings within the house. it was a small household.

suddenly, you remembered what she said.

we're thinking of taking you back home. you can finally be of use to us.

plural. you should've noticed it before and you shook your head, slightly disappointed in yourself. you didn't remember any other birth siblings. could it be the fact that during the time, they had, in a way, replaced you?

you sat up, then suddenly went drowsy. your eyelids were getting heavy as your back hit the same tree. ah, that clever bitch. you chuckled to yourself, but still unsatisfied how this was gonna end. reaching inside your pocket, you grabbed a bomb that a little kid gave you, and threw it as far as you could. it wasn't as far as you hoped, but it was exceptionally far considered your sleepy state.

in a few couple seconds or so, it was going to explode. you did that to divert the attention of her and slowly ran as far as you could. a few seconds in, you gave in, hoping that your efforts were enough. 》●✿ perspective ● shift ✿●

chongyun heard an explosion.

he raised his head in the direction smoke was coming from, and made a run for it, then stopping to think. no, you're smarter than this. he gathered his shit together and remembered that one day klee gave you a bomb. he deducted that you had used it as a diversion, and began to search around the area.

and finally, he came across your sleeping body. to ensure your living state, he crouched down and let two fingers travel across your neck, searching for a pulse, and was relieved when he found one, pulsing at a normal rate.

he then carried you on his back, picking up the pace since he deducted someone was out for you, would you need a distraction. he remembered some details of the woman, she had ended your stream with your sleeping form in her hands, a dirty smirk coming across her lips. she had dark hair with some natural highlights, but that was all he saw because the rest was concealed by a cloak.

a few minutes, maybe half an hour later, you began to stir. chongyun decided that he ventured far enough to liyue and slowed down for your comfort. he wanted you to get some well deserved rest. but slowly, you woke up, but only the tiniest movement was made. your eyes were still droopy and you wanted to return to sleep.

but the sight of pastel blue hair kept you from doing so.

you felt the familiar silk coming in contact with your arms as he kept on trudging forward at a more consistent and smooth pace. "..chongyun?" you muttered out weakly, earning a small smile from the male. he hummed in response, continuing forward.

your mind was cloudy, unable to interpret the language of the world. but softly, words effortlessly escaped your lips, "... did i do the right... thing?" blinking multiple times, you awaited his answer.

"yes, yes you did," his soft voice reached your ears, making you smile a bit. you nuzzled deeper into his shoulder, clinging onto him tighter, unwilling to let go.

"thank you," you whispered.

he chuckled a bit before responding, "anything for you."

_____

bro ending is a little off because i'm wrote this at 2:53AM and so my brain has went ⬇️⬇️ also i'm just hungry

copy and pasted from my wattpad,, @ppeachtea_

[taeslovehandles]

I never meant to target you and I'm sorry you felt that way. You properly tag everything and adhere to the "don't like, don't read" rule. I don't follow you nor you follow, because we simply don't vibe together and that's okay.

But there are posts that are on the more "innocent" side that do represent fat people as a joke and it's like they don't even realize it because it's something so well ingrained in our fatphobic society.

For example, all the characters are having fun except the fat one or referring to someone as "twice his size" (like... If they want to say he's huge, they should just say it, not imply that there's a "right size" for someone to be).

I don't think authors should censor themselves, just acknowledge the role they play in how fat characters are perceived by the community they write for.

-🍓

First of all, since you obviously haven’t blocked me, you could have come to me via direct message. This is not a topic that needs to be brought out into the public eye even more than it already is. I have worked with anons before, I would have been the last person to reveal who you are. You could have made a trash account to message me in dm’s, but since you didn’t, I will reply to you here.

I want to make one thing clear. This will be my last response on the topic. If you do not like me as a member of the community please use the block button and filter me out, because I will stay. I have many friends here, and know that many people enjoy my content. Just because a small handful of people don’t appreciate dark themes in fiction, the contents of which they can easily protect themselves from, won’t make me falter.

Now, I want to debunk this ask because your ‘apology’ actually made me very upset.

I know you don’t mean it when you say you are sorry because you’re backpedaling on what you’ve told your friends and it really rubs me the wrong way. You could have owned up to your mistakes and apologized sincerely like others had but you continue to play victim and excuse your behaviour with tales of your own trauma, projecting your own insecurities onto my blog and thus hating me.

I know for a fact that you despise my blog, especially my writing, because you do not like how “obviously skinny people write about weight gain.”

Honey.

I couldn’t be any further from skinny.

I don’t mind sharing my actual weight, which has actually gotten worse due to COVID. I weigh 490lbs. I am morbidly obese. I have always been morbidly obese. For you to come and be “nitpicky” about a genre you don’t even enjoy? Why are you even reading my fics then?

The way I write about obese people, their struggles with literally everything… that comes from real life experience. I write this to share embarrassing and exhausting daily life tasks I personally struggle with.

A skinny person would never write some of the stuff I do, because they simply don’t know. They don’t know how scary it is to hear the line “we are going to a restaurant.” They don’t know how scary it is to go into that new restaurant, scan the chairs and think “Shit, am I gonna fit? Is the chair gonna creak? Is there enough space for the next table? What if I won’t fit?” A thin person doesn’t have to think this way.

And, let me tell you something else. Yes, I agree. The world is fatphobic.

In one of my recent posts I talked about movies and shows where they make fun of fat people because I hate it. Because it is REAL LIFE. And I am all for the body positivity movement and I do believe that all bodies are beautiful, because they are.

You do not know me personally.

And that leads to my next point. If you personally have issues with the phrase “twice my size”, then that is on you. And guess what? I cannot count how often I’ve heard lines like that my whole life.

“Oh wow two people would fit in one of your pant legs.”

“Wow, you are so fat, I could use your pants as a tent.”

So trust me, I know. I KNOW. But anon, this is the important part for me. Everyone processes trauma differently.

Inked ch3? Or literally any story I have written with a fat character being forced, insulted and talked down to like they’re dumb? That’s what I have been living with my entire life. Most of these stories, some obviously more extreme than how I had experienced them since it’s fiction, have been recordings of trauma I have went through.

My own dad force fed me. Forced me to eat food and gain weight. My first boyfriend was a feeder that manipulated me into gaining more weight and took measurements. Called me pig names and abused me. Hit me, manipulated me into having s** with him and then let all of his fantasies out on me.

I don’t make this shit up. I hate my brain for being so twisted now, that I actually find it hot and arousing. It’s weird. I know, but that’s how it is.

I’ve also never had friends in school. Not even kindergarten. Why? Because my “fat incased body could spread like a virus.” I was being bullied like JK was in Pondus.

I had hot water thrown at me, got glue put on my seats and hair, had my hair ripped out and even got a cigarette burn mark on my arm. Just because I was fat. Just because of how my body was shaped.

I was strangled and locked into a small locker for a night. I was almost killed for running away from my abusive dad from his car and had to listen to things like, “You are going to die when you are 30. No one will ever love you and your body.” That I have trust issues now and am paranoid about everything and everyone.

Those dark stories. I use those dark stories to try to work through my trauma. And yes, it may be absurd to you. It may disgust you, what I write. But sadly, most of it? Most of it really happened to me. To me and other people I’ve talked to as a friend or seen online. Most of what I write will be dark because the human species is made up of terrible creatures.

Fatphobia is an important topic, and I am happy the media has been slowly getting better about it, that people accept us more. But my writing is how I work with my trauma. If I can make fictional characters feel the same things I had to feel, that makes me feel better.

And I’m not hurting anyone with it. So how is it wrong?

I do not support any of this behaviour in real life. I never bullied anyone, I always try to speak up for my friends and tell people if they are being assholes. Because I hate them too and it makes me angry when good people get shit when they do nothing but breathe.

And how @pudgecuddles already said. I don't need you to advocate for body positivity and all that shit when you go out of your way to bully someone that may have experienced the same shit you have. I do not know you or what you went through in your life, but I am sorry. I’m sorry you feel like my stories aren’t okay to write, but this is how I work on my trauma and I need you to respect that.

I’ve said this before. We don’t have to be friends, or even talk to each other.

Just be neutral.

Block me. Filter me out. Pretend I don't exist. But, whatever you do, don’t make posts that call me out while making it obvious you’re talking about me, with the cover that you are advocating against fatphobia. That’s got a name. Cyber-bullying.

Have you hurt me with those posts? Yes you have, but I’ve never wanted bad blood. As you may have noticed, it wasn’t me that made a post. It was my good friend. Because I told her how exhausting it was and she knew about the posts back then.

I have a good idea of who you are.

I remember you.

But I kept my mouth shut. Because this community is my home and the last thing I wanted was for the people who like both of our types of content to feel like they have to choose sides.

In the end, we all rub one out to fat gay boys in a band. No user is better than the rest, and if there are topics you do not enjoy, there is a button for it. No need to drag everyone into it with posts. It’s exhausting and irritating.

Now, I do not accept your apology because you lied to me and I also do not feel like you meant it sincerely knowing what I know now after reading some dm’s. But I also won’t sit here and start shit.

This is my last post about this.

Please block me and enjoy the content you do like.

Nonetheless, I hope you have a nice day and a lovely weekend. Whatever you are experiencing or going through, I hope it gets better. Because even if you hate me personally for creating content you do not support, I’d say that I am a really friendly and nice person.

I do not believe that anyone deserves to be bullied like that and talked down in official posts. It happened before with a friend of mine and you probably remember that I did speak up about it.... But apparently no one learned from it. I really hope this time you do.

Insult me and shit talk me all you want in dm’s, but don’t do it publicly. No one deserves that kind of hate or passive aggressiveness. No one. Since you sound like someone that went through a lot of shit too, you should know better. You should know how it feels to be bullied and what damage it can cause.

I’m already depressed enough and I have bad lows. Let me write my erotica and just enjoy it? That’s all I want? I am a part of this community just like you were. You leaving because you did not like my content, is not my problem. If you cannot block me or ignore it and go so far as to read them and then rant about them negatively, what do you want me to do? I won’t leave the scene just because you don’t like me.

So, you either trash talk me in dm’s from now on so that I do not see it, or you block me. The latter of which would be the more mature thing to do. The more humane thing to do. Because talking behind someone’s back is just as bad.

Again, I don’t know why you felt like it was necessary to send me an ask with lies in it when I got screenshot proof of something else you have said/issues with, so don’t backpedal on me. I know Hun. I know already.

At least stick to what you said and actually apologize or, if you can’t, just block me.

But this ask? This ask just upset me.

Have a nice day.

p.s: The fact that this even needs to be talked about is so absurd and ridiculous to me. The whole thing is a petty party in my eyes that isn't even worth anyone's time? Do people on here really not have any other issues right now or am I in the wrong movie?

[pridewhatpride]

ok so I read your view on GX rivalshipping and how things would get messy when johan shows up because I was curious about another GX rivalshippers opinion, and holy you and I have the EXACT same thoughts.

Ive went on and on about how manjoume as a rival (and as someone who could have had the ability to support judai) was tossed aside as soon as johan shows up + turned into the comedic relief chara and nobody ever really knows what the hell im talking about LOL. a big thing for me is just how DIFFERENT that would be for manjoume as well? in the seasons before johan shows up judai is so clingy towards him, always busting into his room and being in his personal space...

then mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon and suddenly judai is like. smitten. which like youve pointed- out who could blame judai? johan is hard to hate and hes kind of perfect in every way. I always imagine what that would do to manjoumes self esteem in particular, because as we all know it IS a bit fragile at times, especially when it comes to being the best he can be.

I think having johan around would make him feel absolutely insignificant not only as someone who LIKES judai, but even just as judais friend. is he really so horrible at being a support that judai needs a stranger to lean on? even though he never asked for judais help much, is he really such a burden when he needs to be saved? why is judai acting like hes never been able to connect with manjoume, who can also see duel spirits, before? whoever said opposites attract obviously havent seen judai and johan! thoughts like that.

I could go on and on but I dont want you to have to read my 2746373 word long ask about them. id love to hear any thought or analysis you have on GX rivalshipping because its my favourite and the shippers are so rare, so I encourage you to post them whenever you feel like it!

Dear anon.

You can't ever know just how happy receiving this in my inbox made me. I can't fully express how grateful I am at the simple fact that you read my long rambles and reached out to me. I respect your anonimity if you want to keep it, but honestly, DM me whenever, if you want to. I think I'd like to talk to you if you're comfortable with it? I really do want to read your "2746373 word" essay on them. For the rest of my life.

I might get a little personal in terms of my view on this, so just... be aware.

The thing is that the way Manjoume is cast aside is just... a big fear of mine. "Sure, we might be friends now, but I'm not all that good and you know it. You won't mean any harm by it, but you'll find someone you like better and I'll be alone again." That kind of line of thought is probably something that goes through Manjoume's mind? He doesn't really... have friends outside of Judai. Maybe Fubuki. And Daichi? Except he disappears into nothingness very quickly. But that's it. And he certainly had none before that: just lackeys who pretended to like him because he was rich and perceived as promising. He lost that and suddenly found himself isolated.

It's nice to think that he bonded with the other members of the gang, but... he didn't. Shou certainly never really stops disliking/making fun of him. You could say it's meant as like... friendly teasing. But it doesn't read that way because there is nothing to indicate actual affection. Kenzan, Aster and the transfer students just... barely interact with him? Like have they actually ever spoken to eachother? I doubt it. Ryo is just the admirable upperclassman. Again, barely any interaction. Asuka is... a mess I don't want to get into, but again, she would probably file a restraining order if she could.

So yeah. Manjoume has one friend and the taller and cooler guy just kind of takes that away. Of course Johan is not aware of this! He wouldn't have been able to do much to change it, either way. It was Judai's own choice and that's what hurts the most, to me.

If shifting the focus and making minor changes to canon is something you like to do, here's a thing I think about a lot. "Teardrop", the Season 3 opening, except it's what Manjoume feels when seeing Judai's suffering and desperation. You know.

As you hang your head and smile, a single tear lands on your cheeks

You pretend to be strong, but underneath You’re hiding sighs; your smile is cloudy It sticks into me Like shattered glass

It’s OK to talk about the pain in your heart

Your smile Has always saved me You can cry now I’ll stay here with you

I can't bring myself to blame Judai or Johan for it, but I think Manjoume- if he'd been written like an actual character past a certain point- would have been quite devastated by this.

As you said, it's not just being abandoned, it's also being indirectly told that he was never truly someone worthwhile, that he is little more than extra weight. What of his supposed status of equal rival and all that? Nothing. Judai is just... on a different level than him. So Manjoume is simply left to stagger behind in a desperate attempt to chase after greatness. He wasn't good enough for his brothers and Judai stood up for him. But in the end he wasn't good enough for Judai either.

I like to think that Manjoume made an effort to get along with the others. He just didn't quite know how and couldn't just... switch off his more prideful persona. And he ended up paying quite the steep price.

I know I'm extra melodramatic when it comes to my favourites, but it's something that bugs me. I understand why the manga decided to approach Manjoume's character in a completely different way and it's the reason why I like to read Manjoume's personality as a mix of manga and anime canon. I really have to mention this- how can one even pretend that the writers gave a shit about Manjoume when they joked about how stinky he was in a scene that could have been... emotional in some way. Judai frees Manjoume from the influence of the Society of Light by reminding him who he really is (I don't want to talk about Kenzan being too strong to be manipulated because that is fucking stupid and besically the equivalent of saying "ahah, the light got you because you're not strong willed enough @ Asuka @ Manjoume. Get rekt"). And like... great! They are actually showing off how much they care for eachother as friends despite the rivalry! But no. Judai ends up basically saying: "You smell and your coat has stains on it!" and Manjoume's just: "Oh yeah, I'm goth I hate wearing white, nvm."

... I swear someone on the writing team looked at Manjoume and went: "Let's bully him!" Ugh ;; Can you tell I'm hyper biased towards Manjoume yet?

This was hilarious to read, by the way: "mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon"

But yes, this mess is now officially over. I will be spouting gx rivalshipping nonsense left and right because we were robbed of their dynamic and I'll never get over that. Also I really want to draw them, so that helps.

Ending this post by saying that this ask made me feel like I didn't waste time writing all that, that someone can get something out of it. I'm really glad.