#and what it means that That is all nikhil’s good at

[brittlebutch]

interaction i’m Thinking a lot about

[srbachchan]

DAY 5623

Jalsa, Mumbai                July 10/11,  2023                 Mon/Tue  3:02 AM    

 🪔 .. July 11 .. birthday affection to Ef Rajesh Srivastava from Jamshedpur .. Ef Nikhil Saraswat .. and EF Mahesh B Solanki from Ratlam - MP ..  and my wishes and love for all ..❤️  

NOW .. it’s  a late late late night but one that somehow remains awake till the writing is done .. it is now 3:05 am .. and a respectable time to rest .. a rest of necessity and reason , at the NDTV Banega Swasth India  campaign TV launch !

The pictures are here, but  the NDTV Banega Swasth India, late and I want to be in slumber .. 

Better in to be in a better frame of mind after rest .. and advance the thoughts expressed by the Medical Community, in the campaign for health care ..

But more of that later .. its 3:14 in the morning ns

July 11,  2023 .... Jalsa ... 1:00 PM 

It is almost afternoon now .. and I say sorry for the nonsense Blog ☝🏽 .. the head was working on one thing and the mind was doing something else .. it , happens in todays world, where the human has been crowded with millions of options and tracks and alternatives .. and the human is selfish enough , at times,  to get associated with all of them , at the same time .. not realising that when the different tracks are opted for , each of them has a story and a history of its own , to deal with which , is a mammoth task ..

It requires extreme will to do that, which satisfies all .. satisfaction is the most unobserved misunderstood word of the season .. everyone wishes to think of who I am, as what I have done  .. 

We are all special cases, and we all want to say something in , say an appeal, against something ! Everyone insists that they are innocent, their innocence being at all costs .. even if it means accusing the rest of the human race and heaven .. 

We all think that WE , I,  am the sensible one .. we sensible people are all selfish .. we think , or rather are determined to be who we are , by what we have done .. and what we have done, is attuned to the elements of nature, tugging, pulling us into every contract to make its terms look fair .. 

THE IMPORTANT THING IS NOT THE CAMERA, BUT THE EYE .. the eye .. !!

AAAHHHHHH .. dear ones of my loved Ef , I build bridges of philosophical expedience and comfort, over raging rivers .. 😢

I wish I could have , in normalcy , been able to build the strong willed reality of bridges, over the raging, ravaging waters in Himachal and elsewhere .. 😢😢 .. in our land .. !!!

.. that little girl with the ‘gajra’ still haunts my heart .. I wonder of whether what was given to her was enough .. I wish I could meet her again, and give her more for her liking  .. and as I drive I keep looking out , but never see her .. or anyone that could know her .. or any other in similar ..

But what I see is somewhat touching for me, at an instant  .. this 👇🏽👇🏽 ..

.. the Mother did not have a smile , as I followed them .. unknown to them .. and at a traffic halt or jam when there was a pause .. I drew my window down to indicate to the Husband, how much he had loaded the bike on himself and more the Wife .. what you see is the picture, after the lady recognised me  .. and then the smile  .. 

But .. I thought .. this is a family out to get provisions for the home .. the Husband has a vehicle, no car , no facility to have the benefit of affluent home delivery , they need to go out and get it themselves .. the bike is the carrier .. of family of goods .. and of the thumb sucking , new born .. for he cannot be left at home .. what best can be done in such a situation is being done  .. the Mother happily looked at me and smiled in recognition .. her somewhat earlier withered with the woes of life and condition face , suddenly brightened up .. I asked, ‘can I take a picture’ .. she kept smiling .. I did .. pulled the glass up in some remorse , told the Husband, who was pulling out his mobile to take mine, to drive safe  .. waited till his picture moment was over .. the jam opened .. we moved .. and I was moved too .. 

How life brings to us what it does .. how and what are its parameters at the moment of its choice .. who to give what , who to give not .. 

.. and NO .. I did not feed the GPT for this post ..

my love as ever ..

Amitabh Bachchan   

[chungledown-bimothy]

i was going to say top 5 make some noise prompts and then i thought about how constantly i reference them and went "oh that's way too hard" so...... hm. top 5 battle for beyond moments and top 5 dnd chaos moments to start. OH and top 5 underrated d20 seasons or other actual-play stuff if you'd like

ty for not asking the impossible of me re: make some noise prompts lol

god i hate that i keep having to say this, but i don't remember dnd chaos well enough to give a top 5 answer that means anything, i'm sorry!

that said. top 5 b4b? let's fuckin go.

(yes some of these aren't a single moment but i'm obsessed with b4b's "how it started out with a bit how did it end up like this" energy)

1- Trick? No, I don't charge. This one needs no explanation. Nikhil's a slut and so am I.

2- Nikhil's lance. It's the only thing he cares about. His sister made it for him. He says something like a prayer to it.

3- Let Ekon sleep. I felt that shit in my goddamn soul.

4- I'm pretty sure potatoes are a kind of meat. I'm morosexual, actually.

5- Literally the whole scene in their quarters after the bee tree fight. Sestia and Murdina definitely fucked. Nikhil asking Sestia to slap him so he can hellish rebuke the tea. Everyone lying their asses off about wanting to share the room.

underrated actualplay stuff. (wait hang on carlos was involved with almost all of these. interesting)

1- coffin run. please. i am begging everyone. watch it. izzy and zac have what i am 100% confident is the funniest dynamic of the entirety of d20. every single time the camera cuts to them, something unhinged and fucking hilarious is about to happen. carlos is the most wet kitten of a man, and erika... i can't do may justice. you gotta watch it.

2- battle for beyond. that top 5 was extremely difficult- i almost just said 5 of the 6 pcs because it's all just. so. good. the nikhil/sestia/murdina throuple is everything to me. the characters' growth and god the worldbuilding. i cannot overstate how much i love it.

3- dnd chaos. i really need to rewatch them. again, tables of pcs that absolutely fuck. i need citizen doctor abraham mehermblur carnally. both times, it's a fucking all-star cast. 10/10 highly recommend.

4- barbie d&d from PixelCircus. i've seen basically no one talking about it, and holy shit it was so fucking funny and i love when a shiny, happy aesthetic ends up going into truly terrifying existential horror. "this barbie commits war crimes!" carlos pops the fuck off.

5- candela obscura. i've not seen the first arc and i'm not done with the second (i've got an hour left of ep 2 and ep 3 is six. hours. long.) but god fucking damn. just. watch it. i cannot do it justice.

[driftwccds]

closed starter for CHARLIE ( @divinctions ) & NIKHIL ( @pcrdidcs ) location : 🏠🏠🏠

-ˋˏ ꒰ 🐚 ꒱ ── if given the option, rohan probably wouldn’t ever have his feet on dry land, spending the entirety of his time completely isolated from the rest of the world out in the pacific ocean. unfortunately. for him, he needs a legal address for grants. he needs to occasionally eat something more than a sandwich, connect to a reliable internet line that will let him back up all his footage, and store personal items that he just doesn’t have room for on all 30sq ft of sailboat he’s crammed the rest of his life onto. he likes to think that makes him an easy roommate at least ; no messes, no noise, no expectations. charlie is good about letting him well enough alone and nikhil── for all his fussing and scheming and notorious crying, rohan knows he means well, so rohan tries to meet him halfway to some kind of friendship.

“ am i. . . interrupting something ? “ he stands in the doorway of the living room after his latest disappearing act, quiet as a mouse until he speaks. boat cat meows irritably from the small crate nestled under rohan’s arm. on the tv screen plays some kind of. . . youtube stream ? fish video ? rohan isn’t sure what the two of them are watching, his face screwed up in confusion as he undoes the latch to let the frustrated tabby cat free. “ this is all very romantic. were you hoping for time alone ? we── “ he gestures politely to the cat, “ ──can leave. “

[introspectivememories]

“Bear, you’re hands are shaking.” Tim says abruptly.

“Hmm?” Bernard hums noncommittally, “Must be from the cold.”

“Bear,” Tim says with a little more force, “your hands are shaking.”

The entire family has stopped to watch them now.

Bernard smiles, tense around the edges, “I know. It must be from the cold.”

Tim turns towards his family, “Can you guys wait outside for a little? I need to talk to my husband over here.”

The family exchanges slow glances with each other and surprisingly it’s Jason who agrees first.

“Well, c’mon.” Jason says, when he sees that the rest of them haven’t moved, “They’re having a domestic squabble and they asked us to leave. Get moving.”

Quietly, the family exits out the hospital room, Bruce shutting the door behind him. The minute they’re all in the hallway, the family breaks out into hushed whispers.

“What do you think they’re arguing about?” says Steph.

“Dunno, seemed important.” Duke responds.

“Yeah, no shit.” Jason says smirking, “That’s why I bugged their room.”

“Jason,” Bruce admonishes but there’s no real rebuke behind it.

Jason pulls out his mini Bat-Tablet and starts fiddling with the frequencies. After a few short minutes, the static fades into recognizable words.

“...Bear tell me the truth.” Tim says, “Did you-” 

“Lets not do this today, okay baby? You’re tired.” Bernard says.

“Ooooh, already starting off wrong.” Dick mutters.

“Don’t ‘baby’ me Bear. Tell me the truth. Did you-”

“Stop.” Bernard says, “You’re whole family is listening in.”

Jason nearly drops the Bat-Tablet, “What the fuck? How’d he know?”

“Do you really want this to be the way they find out?”

“About what?” Bruce mutters, fists clenching beside him.

“I don’t care! Tell me the truth!” Tim shouts, “Did you kill him?”

Silence falls over the hallway, the family trying process what they heard.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Steph asks.

“Duke, do you know anything about this?” Bruce asks, “You’re the only one who knew about Bernard before this whole incident. Any of this ringing a bell?”

Duke shrugs, “Not a clue, Uncle B. All I knew was that they were married, nothing else.”

“Tim, baby, don’t do this.” Bernard pleads, “Ask me anything else.”

"Answer my question, did. you. kill. him?"

Bernard is quiet for long enough that they think the connection fizzled out.

"He wasn't a good person." Bernard says quietly.

"Was he a bad person?" Tim counters.

"...No." Bernard admits.

"So just average then. Not good and not bad."

"He didn't have anyone waiting for him."

"Weird justification, still murder." Duke murmurs.

"Did you kill him, Bear?" Tim asks tiredly. "Answer me or I will call Nikhil."

"Tim, baby, you're the smartest person I know. You already have an answer to your question."

"He wants to hear it from you," Cass whispers.

"I want to hear it from you." Tim says, unknowingly mimicking Cass.

Bernard says nothing and Tim sighs, "Alright then. Call Nikhil here."

There's rustling on the other side, presumably Bernard pulling out his phone. Someone says something but it's too faint to properly understand.

"He'll be here in a few." Bernard says and the feed lapses back into silence.

The family looks at each other.

"Okay Tim talks about Bernard killing like it's something he regularly does. Is Bernard some kind of hitman? Mercenary? Assassin?" Dick asks.

"No," Damian says, startling everyone, "He does not act like one."

("When did you wake up?" Jason asks.

"When you started playing the feed," Damian says.)

"Okay but nevermind what Bernard is, who did he kill?" Duke asks.

"It sounds like a regular person," Steph says, "But I don't think Bernard would kill a regular person. He doesn't seem like it."

"You don't know him." Bruce says, "We met him 3 weeks ago."

Their theorizing is interrupted by an Indian man walking towards them.

"How did you get here?" Bruce growls out, "This is a private floor."

"Hello, Sir. My name is Nikhil. I was sent for."

Bruce looks like he's going to keep interrogating the man so Dick pushes him aside and says, "Of course! They're in the first room on the right."

Nikhil bows his head briefly, "Thank you." And walks into the room.

Jason turns up the volume on the Bat-Tablet.

"Nikhil," Tim says tiredly, "It's so good to see you again. Sorry about cancelling dinner last month."

Dinner? Last month? Duke mouths.

"Young Master Bernard, Young Master Tim." Nikhil says.

Even Bruce looks confused now. Young Master?

"It's not a problem," Nikhil continues, "You weren't feeling well. We'll just have to have two dinners this month to make up for it."

“Of course, of course!” Tim says, “Can you answer a question for me Nikhil?”

“Of course.”

“Did Bernard kill Matthew Nicholls?”

Bruce sighs, the tension leaving his shoulders, “The man who shot Tim in the throat.”

“Oh my god,” Steph whispers.

Nikhil doesn’t respond right away.

“Go ahead, Nikhil. Tell him.”

Nikhil clears his throat, “Yes.”

Tim sucks in a breath.

“Three days ago, Young Master Bernard, Luka, and me, killed him.” Nikhil speaks as if he’s reading the weather forecast, “Luka and I, were on lookout. Young Master Bernard shot him.”

(Jason pointedly tries not to think about the fact that, Tim’s husband will kill someone for shooting Tim in throat but Bruce won’t even think about harsher sentences for the fucking Joker.

Whatever he’s not mad.)

“God fucking damnit, Bear. What the hell were you thinking?” Tim breathes out.

“And you, Nikhil, how could you let him do this?”

“NIkhil, didn’t make me do anything Tim. I chose it. I did it. I put the bullet in his head.”

“Bear, you’re a doctor! You can’t just fuckin’ kill people!”

“Young Master Tim,” Nikhil states sharply, “He was the head of the mob long before he was doctor. And even if that wasn’t the case, the Aquista mob does not take lightly to their members being targeted.”

“The Aquista mob?” Steph says, “But I thought that they died out during the gang wars...”

“Shows how much you know.” snorts Jason, “They’re one of the only few mobs that don’t work directly under me. But there’s no way Bernard’s the head. I met with them, once, when I was still on my, y’know.”

“Your murder spree, you mean?” Dick asks dryly.

“Yeah that. Anyway, when I met with them, they took me to their head. He was definitely not blonde, or young. It was some middle-aged man.”

“Must have been a decoy.” Bruce says, “Do they cause any trouble?” 

“Not at all. They stick to themselves.”

“If you fools could be quiet, I’d be able to hear what Drake and Dowd are saying.”

They all tune back in.

“You said you understood.” Bernard says quietly, “When we got married, you said you understood. That it wasn’t gonna come between us.”

“And it isn’t!” Tim responds frustratedly, “But you can’t just go around killing people who hurt me.”

“And I don’t.” Bernard says, “Because if I did, half of the Gotham’s villains would be dead. But you don’t like it when I kill so I don’t do it.”

“Because I do everything you ask. You told me you didn’t want me becoming an EMT in Gotham, so I stayed in the military. You told me not to kill, so I do it as sparsely as I can. You gave yourself to me and asked me to put you back together, and so I did. As carefully as I could I put you back together.”

“You can’t blame me for killing Matthew Nicholls. You can’t.”

“Bear,” Tim starts.

“Do you know what the doctors told me when I finally arrived?” Bernard interrupts, “They said your heart stopped twice. That is was a miracle the bullet hit nothing vital. They said you had lost too much blood, that they were worried you weren’t gonna make it.”

“Was that you plan Tim? To make me a widower? To leave me behind?” 

Bernard continues, voice thick with emotion, “There is no me without you. It’s too late for that. If I had came back and you were dead, I would’ve returned to Ebria that day and thrown myself on a live grenade.”

“Before anything else, Tim, I am your husband. Remember that. Before being the head of the mob, before being a Marine, before anything else, I am your husband. Remember that.”

“Bear,” Tim chokes out.

“God, fuck. I can’t do this right now.” 

“Bear, wait!”

They hear the sound of the door closing and they all rush to look inconspicuous. Bernard walks past them without a second glance, wiping at his eyes.

[internetreadingpanda]

April 11, 2024

dear moon, my drinking buddy,

Isn't it weird how I start writing about all the best things of my life when they come to an end? And I never thought I would start writing to you again but here I am, after two years, ranting about life (yes there is this girl and she is magical).

So for two years, I've been living a strange yet wonderful life. I met so many new people, cried for a few, laughed a lot, went on dates, and worked my ass off at a debt collection company, but the point here is that in two years I met the most amazing human beings along with the unbearable pain and those people helped me get through it. Nothing I can say will ever be able to appropriately appreciate them.

The problem I have right now is not really a problem, it's just a girl. On 8th March it was Mahashivratri, and like a random Friday, I woke up sad. It was Moksha Day 02 and we were supposed to attend this fest in NSUT; when I say WE, I mean Me, Nikhil, and Aakash. However, in the morning Nikhil called and informed me that he is not coming and I'll have to go with Aakash because he is participating in some speed dating thingy and he needs moral support. I got frustrated and did not wanna go because you know it is Aakash, he's annoying at times but I knew this is the only fest I'll be going to because I have this shit job to focus on so I decided to let it be, it is just about a day. I reached Nikhil's place and I told him how he was such a bastard for not coming along.

Do you remember how I said this girl is magical, now here comes the magic (you won't get it but it'll make sense later) when we are in the metro and Aakash shows me the Instagram account of this girl named (let's call her) Omen and he asked me if I would like to talk to her and I was like we'll see.

We reached the college, friendless, feeling left out but still there was a sense of excitement, a feeling that something good will happen, I won't be me today, I'll change. We went for the speed dating thingy and it went down into flames for him. My man doesn't know how to speak to a woman. Moving forward, he told me he wants to ask a girl out and I was like just go and speak to someone but he was just too scared. Near the food stall, I saw a girl and I was like I wanna talk to her. She was so pretty with her crop top and tangled hair. So we waited there, for the right moment. The moment never came but magic happened and Omen arrived, that too, out of nowhere. Can you believe it????? What sort of a coincidence is this????? She just ran into us and she took us with her. I was experiencing this kind of human interactions for the first time where these college kids are making friends this easily and I was so intrigued by it. So we went along with her to find the rest of her friends. It was a hassle to look for other people in that crowd and desperate Aakash could not resist but ask if there are any girls in her group and Omen was like yeah but she has a boyfriend. The moment Omen finished the sentence, her girlies arrived and I looked at her for the first time and all I saw was poetry. The faded color of her hair, wrists filled with bracelets as if they conceal a secret, her fingers had all the classy rings as if she is planning some sorcery which is somehow correct because Omen introduced us and she said she's pursuing BA and Black magic from DU. I was like WHAAAAATTT???? Let's name her Ameera because the meaning of her name is Indian Princess and that's what exactly she is, a princess. She said that and a friend of her interrupted between us ( I hate guy friends).

Aakash and I looked at each other and we both had the same thought: SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. By the number of guy friend she has, it was impossible to find who is the main guy so we were judging her every interaction and based on the pattern of physical touch we would predict who is the guy and FINALLY a guy won. His name was Jacob and he was just THERE like all the time.

Anyway, I realized there is nothing that can happen between us but I was really fascinated with the Black magic that she told me about so I was curious to know more, that's why I stayed (I swear I stayed for the black magic only). We were in the campus, clicking pictures, and they were laughing on weird jokes which I found really weird that's why I maintained some distance from them because obviously my humor would make them cry. I found a batman mask and I wore it, suddenly everyone started looking at me. Stupid things I do to gain attention, but I liked it, they were curious to know what's behind the mask. Even Ameera clicked pictures of me with that mask on and even if I take the batman mask off there's still gonna be a mask because I lied to them, I lied how I am in NSUT, I lied about my schools, my friends and everything. I told them what they wanted to hear and the plan was just to enjoy the fest with them and never show them my face again but I don't know what kind of a magic she has done on me that I am craving her every second and it sucks it sucks so bad that I feel ridiculous to be alive for someone's attention.

By the evening, I couldn't bear there jokes so we slowly took the exit from that group of friends without even thinking about Ameera. The concert started and the artist came on the stage, everyone is hooting and I and Aakash are running towards the spot for the best view and that moron took us at the back. The weather was just like my skin, cold and dusky, someone would wanna eat it. I was thinking how, this music fest will end and I'll return to my boring life, where I have to work in the night shifts and play cricket in the day with two week-offs which I spend with some household chores.

So I made a decision, I will enjoy. I will go deep in the crowd for the best view, I will kiss random strangers and I will dance with my friends. With that decision I ran into the crowd and found a perfect spot to vibe. I lifted Aakash on my shoulders and enjoyed the most. But still there was a sense of emptiness, I don't know why, it was just there and then again the magic happened. Naman (Ameera's bestfriend) bumped into us and took us with them. I clearly refused because they all are really weird. He didn't even acknowledge my refusal and took us both. Then there was the whole group of friends, the lover, the best friend, the jealous angry bird, the rival in love and what not. Then there was she, I won't be exaggerating f I say I am writing this with tears in my eyes because I knew this will happen, that evening was so precious that it haunts my soul to realize there will never be a moment like that. And even if there will be a moment like that, she won't be there. What is it if not a curse? To have her seen roaming under the same sky with people who are not me.

Aakash lifted me on his shoulders and Ameera made a video of that where she called out my name and I was like HEYYY!! I went up to her and asked could you please send me this video and she said sure and took my number. I was so happy because I got one picture clicked, just one and in that moment I realized why friends are important and especially good friends because your lovers don't come to click your pictures while you are being a complete weird-ass in a music festival.

Then Omen suggested we should go deep in the crowd (from where we came) so we all sort of got in a trail and followed it till we were in the middle. All that time she was really close to Jacob, and I accidently touched her shoulder and I apologized, to which she said why on earth would you be sorry for that?? its okay?? The weird part here is, I usually don't do this; it's just with her. They all vibed with the artists, there pretty enlightened face and weird pictures got clicked. I was still maintaining a distance because I knew I don't belong to them. Then again the magic happened, Ameera came up to me and asked "why are you so depressed?"

I nodded my head and tried to speak but she looks so pretty that I did not know if I should waste a second telling her about my feelings or just use it wisely to admire her because I am never gonna see her again. So I remained silent and smiled. She took my hand and danced with me, in front of her friends (those lovers, rivals, besties, jealous birds) and they all hyped us up. Perhaps they were right when they said a woman makes a man attractive because nobody noticed me until she was there twirling me with the sweet melody, where my world actually spinned.

Later, Jacob also came in to dance with her, all of a sudden and he gave me the phone to click a picture of them and the way he did that was not very "could-you-please-click-a-picture-of-us-?" of him so I handed over the phone to Aakash just to show that I am not gonna do that because I am not like you people I cannot stay around her knowing she is not mine and still keep a hope that one day something bad will happen to her and she'll realize my worth?? Nah.... We don't do that here. I will bleed till death for her, in secret, but I will never ask her to come back.

Damn- I made it sound a little too cringe.

After that, Aakash asked Ameera if Jacob is her boyfriend and she laughed it off saying I don't have any boyfriend. Now I got the green signal to make any move. Aakash might not know how to speak to the love of his life but he clearly knows all the bro codes.

I always wanted to lift a girl on my shoulders during a concert (it was on my fuck-et list) and I gathered all my courage to ask her this and she said yes. In a few moments she was on my shoulders, my head between her thighs and I could feel how I do not wanna put her down. I did not know it was last two songs of the night and the concert came to an end. The crowd started leaving and she was still up there and I was like what now? can I take you home like this ? please?

Now there was no music, just a few friends, her and I. The energy she gives in unmatchable. You cannot cage her, you cannot ask her to be yours, you'll have to be hers. She who moves like a river, how can you even think about controlling her? You gotta surrender in front of her and use her flow to move along. I mean, she was literally running here and there and I did not feel like catching her. I enjoy looking at her too much that I don't even need her to love her. She asked me if we wanna hangout with her for a while and I wanted to say no because I knew it'll harm me (which it did) but I just said yes because the warmth and the flirtatious energy her words carry are magical.

We went to a cafe, followed by her few friends (inc. Jacob). She sat by my side and I could feel all the eyes were on us and I loved how Aakash was completely a part of her group now and they can't really talk bad about me because my man is there to defend plus he got me so much useful information (we love male friendships). She showed me pictures we clicked today, she told me how she has friend zoned almost everyone on this planet. Which I somehow knew because you can look at her and see she's being admired and boys are gonna love her and she is not someone who would commit so yeah I was so fucked.

I enjoyed talking to her so much that I lost track of time. It got late and I decided to take the pink metro line because Ameera has the same and I thought I would talk to her and it'll be just us but but but no, a friend decided to join us. The worst partis, I can't even show my frustration. However, luckily, he vanished mid-way somewhere and I got happy again but then, unfortunately, her another friends group bumped into us????? WHAT IS THIS HAPPENING?? CAN"T A GUY SIMPLY TALK TO THIS ONE GIRL HE LIKES??

She met all of them and when I say ALL I mean eight to ten human beings. During the interaction her station arrived and that's when I, out of nowhere, expressed how a little confused I am for my station since I don't travel via pink line and she said fine I'll come with you. In that moment, I got embarrassed because her friend knew that I am playing and maybe he also knew that she's playing along too because nobody gets confused for two metro stations???!! So he gave her a look, that's all I know and we reached my metro station. She clicked a picture of us on the reflection over the metro' gate. She asked me if I am coming tomorrow and I said I will because you want me to but tomorrow might not be that fun since we've already reached the peak of all the things I wanted to do. She refused and told me how there's so much left to explore. I did not believe her, at all. But now that I look back and think I see how she was so right, she has always been so right.

Love&Lights

Yushie♡

[thebrandywine]

Is it alright to ask for like a..recap? On the side characters of broken machine? I think it’s because I’m bad at names but like marks, Jamie, etc?

OF COURSE-- I love talking about my OCs skjbwkf There are some one-off appearances throughout the fic, so I'll limit the information below to the OCs who might appear again/be regular characters.

Allison (Allie) Marks: Marks is a newer recruit. She went on Leon's first field mission with the BSAA where Leon saved her life and has now become the 'extrovert adopts an introvert' stereotype. As of the latest chapter, is in a relationship with Jamie Wilson.

James (Jamie) Wilson: Wilson is also a newer recruit, and he also went on Leon's first field mission and also had Leon save his life. Wilson was an asshole to him just prior but apologized and asked Leon to train him -> this is what led to 'class' and Leon's army of ducklings. He recently kicked the shit out of West and is in a relationship with Allie Marks.

BSAA NA Branch Director Michael Peters (Mike, Peters): What it says on the tin. We like Peters! He's a family man who's bad at chess and good at bribing dogs with Milk Bones.

Pauline: Peters' receptionist (and also secretly his wife). Also good at bribing dogs with Milk Bones.

Combat Medic Nikhil Shaan (Nik, Shaan): A character first spawned in [like classical music], Nik is an all-around good guy who (for some reason) is always the one stitching Leon up. We also like Nik :)

Doctor Mitchell: Leon's therapist. Has a moustache.

Christina Ryan: BSAA NA's very own head librarian! She saved Leon's life once and is now good friends with him (though she despairs of his love of horror).

Elizabeth (Lizzie) Ryan: Christina's daughter and (according to her) Leon's best friend (although he's not her best friend). Enjoys stars, light-up shoes, and scaring the daylights out of her mother. Does not like spiders in her mouth.

Casey: An old friend of Peters' who rehabilitates abused animals and turns them into emotional support animals. She was the foster mother of Bingo until Leon adopted her.

Doctor Samantha (Sam) Ansari: Sam was the doctor to check Leon out after his initial transfer and was uncomfortable enough around him for the second check up to ask Chris to stay in the room. She is clearly afraid of the things that she's been hearing about him.

Now, onto the people we for sure don't like.

Captain Erica Mills [deceased]: A former Reconnaissance & Recovery (R&R) captain, Mills was a suspected serial abuser who used Leon's contract against him and forced him to perform sexual acts on her. We're glad she's dead. Rot in hell, bitch.

West: A huge asshole who no one outside of his little group of like-minded assholes likes, West tried to sexually assault Leon after Erica Mills' funeral and then almost got his arm snapped in half by Leon. After it was revealed that he also pulled similar shit with Allie Marks, he subsequently got his ass beat by Jamie Mills. We'll be seeing no more of this fucker very shortly.

Cox: A former DSO agent, Cox was in charge of Leon on a mission in Texas a number of years before 'broken machine' takes place, and almost got him killed. He was relieved that Leon's contract hadn't changed (meaning his personhood), and he'll be back.

DSO Director Bell: What it says on the tin again. Bell took over after Simmons was killed in China, immediately beginning a new regime that we see in [like classical music]. Willingly sold Leon to the BSAA for reasons heretofore unknown...

Brand: The bland man Brand is utterly average in every way, shape, and form, leaving him both unmemorable and unremarkable. He was the one who brought Leon to the BSAA initially in order to show off the goods; also shocked Leon's implant for funsies. He's Bell's second in command, also originating from [like classical music].

I think that should be everyone, but let me know if there are any characters that I missed!

[scrapyardboyfriends]

It was not his decision. The producers said they wanted a shocking twist and that they would be killing him off for a big new story to kick off. He was quite teary talking about it when interviewed.

Anonymous asked: Rishi was axed :( Bhasker said on a TV interview this morning the producer rung him up and told him they were killing him off for a big story and a big surprise.

Aww that's sad that he was axed, especially because Bhasker seems like such a nice guy who really enjoyed the job.

Thinking about it more, I'm really of two minds about it all.

On the one hand, I can commend them for actually making a real decision and taking a risk like this rather than just killing off characters whose actors have quit. I can also commend them for managing to keep this quiet so that it was actually a shock death despite the heavy foreshadowing in the episode.

And I said before, they haven't really known what to do with Rishi for years and without Priya too, he's definitely become more of a spare part but at the same time, he's a more relevant, less dull character than say Harriet who they also axed. And with the story at hand and Jai's impending guilt, it's definitely a death that will be more meaningful than some others. And I think in that sense, it's potentially a good risk to take.

On the other hand, the story to get there is...meh. I mean I've seen it pointed out that this is like the fourth or fifth time they've gone for the whole I'm not your dad it's my brother story and that's totally true. We had Cain be Zak's and not Shadrach's. We had the whole Adam is James's son and not John's and the really stupid story with Amelia being Daz's and not Dan's, which was extra irrelevant. So it's really just an overdone story at this point, which is pretty par for the course with the terrible trio. But it also just feels even more cruel to the characters since they then killed Rishi off without any resolution and I'm sure Jai's guilt over all of this will be exhausting to watch. It sort of feels like shock for shock's sake and cheap drama. It depends on what they do with it.

I can commend them on wanting to build up a non Dingle family, but I feel like this whole story has been rushed and a bit short sighted. Everyone immediately knew the brother twist and that Suni would be Jai's half brother. But like imagine if they'd brought Suni months ago and used him in the Nicky story instead of Ally. We'd have seen Nicky sort of reluctantly start something with Gabby and then meet Suni and hit it off with him and it would be clear that something was happening between them and we could have gotten the gay reveal before the Caleb reveal so you would have been intrigued why he would continue this relationship with Gabby and that would make the Caleb reveal more interesting. Plus we could have really seen the Nicky/Suni relationship develop as part of a larger plot and then try and work things out after it all came out rather than Ally just immediately exiting stage left never to be seen or heard of again. And then we wouldn't have immediately suspected that Suni was Jai's brother.

I don't know. I just think there were ways to rebuild the Sharma family without it having to be a paternity twist. And if they then bring in Suni's dad or Suni's sister than it really does feel like they just cleared out one set of Sharmas (Rishi, Priya, Nikhil) and replaced them with another (Amit, Suni, Nisha) and that's not really building up the family.

Ah well...at least I like Suni as an addition so far. There's that. But I'm sad for Bhasker and I'm not exactly looking forward to Jai's impending grief and guilt spiral and I really hope they don't do to Jai and Laurel what they did to Leyla and Liam after Leanna's death. I want Jai and Laurel to stay together and I don't want anyone to relapse please. We can touch on it, but I can't deal with any more drug storylines for quite a while after the Leyla debacle.

[triviareads]

ARC Review of Arya Khanna's Bollywood Moment by Arushi Avachat

Rating: 4/5 Heat Level: 1/5 Publication Date: January 9th

Premise:

Arya Khanna's senior year of high school is shaping up to be busier than she expected: she's helping plan her sister's big wedding, playing mediator between her sister and mother, working a part-time job, and is student council vice president, meaning she has to learn to work with the president and her rival, Dean Merriweather.

My review:

I like to dip my toe into YA occasionally because I love to support writers of color and I was especially excited because Arushi Avachat is a fellow Indian-American who wrote a loving portrayal of an Indian-American heroine and her family in this book. Arya and her older sister Alina's relationship is the focal point of the story. Alina is getting married and Arya is her chief source of support because their mother is somewhat estranged from Alina after Alina dropped out of college and decided to take a non-traditional career path. I was reminded of Nisha Sharma's author's note in Tastes Like Shakkar where she wrote about the concept of "family managers", namely when children feel like their value to the family is conflated with the help they provide. This fits Arya to a tee: she is trying to keep the peace between her mother and sister and take care of her mother all while feeling like this is her duty, a carryover from when Alina was at college and living abroad. And that feeling hasn't entirely gone away, even with Alina living at home once again, and it only gets stronger until Arya confronts it head-on at the climax of the story.

I liked how Arushi portrayed Indian-American culture in the book; it's not a monolith, as shown in the way she contrasts her family's Punjabi customs with Alina's fiancé Nikhil's Marathi customs. You also get a good sense of everyday desi culture, like the food we eat, being bilingual, the love for Bollywood films and songs, and religious observances like festivals and pujas. Plus, there's plenty of insight into the sheer magnitude of planning that goes into desi weddings.

Speaking of Bollywood, I thought the book's structure was cute— it was broken into acts much like Arya's beloved Bollywood films, complete with a soundtrack at the end.

I think my one note regarding the familial aspect is that I did not feel Arya's conflict with her mom was entirely resolved. Obviously her mom's depression isn't something I expected to be magically cured by the end of the book, and to be fair to Arya, she does learn to be more empathetic towards her mom during the course of the story, however, her mother does not communicate with Arya much better by the end of the book than she did in the beginning. I feel like this was a missed opportunity to hear the point of view of a woman who got married and moved abroad at a fairly young age, barely has any physical contact with her loved ones who still live in India, and suffers from a mental illness that is still stigmatized within the community.

Regarding the romance between Arya and Dean, I do think it was very much a secondary plot. The book's blurb does a good job of putting into perspective what the main focus of the book is, namely, Arya's relationship with Alina, Alina's upcoming wedding, and Arya's family. What we do see of Dean and Arya is cute, if fairly low conflict— they're initially rivals who slowly learn to communicate better until they finally admit their feelings for one another near the end. I feel like even the subplot concerning Arya's evolving friendship with Lisa was given equal, if greater importance than the romance itself.

Overall, I'd recommend this book to anyone looking for a cute young adult story about the complexities of family relationships and friendships that evolve as we grow older, and first brushes with romance.

Thank you to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my review.

[choicesfanaf]

Always & Forever

For Choices February Challenge 2023: Day 4 (Harmony) and To Be or Not to Be Event: (Prompts Forever and Miss You for To Be)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Arundhati Kulkarni)

Characters: Ethan Ramsey, Arundhati Kulkarni, Sahil Kulkarni (m!OC)

Minor Characters: Dilip Kulkarni (m!OC), Nandita Kulkarni(f!OC), Radhika Deshpande (f!OC) and Nikhil Bapat (m!OC)

Word Count: 2580 words

Rating: General

Summary: Ethan and Arundhati attend the wedding of their acquaintances and get some time to themselves.

Category: Fluff

Tagging: @choices-february2023, @choicesmonthlychallenge, @choicesficwriterscreations, @lovealexhunt

Perma: @quixoticdreamer16, @jamespotterthefirst

Ethan x Arundhati: @rookiemartin

A/N: Song used in the fic is

A/N 2:

Translations provided-

Beta-Child

2. Ho, aai- Yes, mom

3. Tumhi sagle kashe aahat?- How are you all?

4. Aamhi ekdum majet- We are having fun

5. Tumhala kasa kalala-How did you know?

6. Ethan ne sagitla aamhala-Ethan told us

7. Radhika, mi tula barya peki olakhte- Radhila, I know you very well

8. jau de tyana-Let them be

9. aata tujhya lagnachi tayari karayla pahije, didi- Now we should prepare for your wedding, sister

10. Kay ugach kahi boltos. Amchya lagnala ajun khup vel aahe-

11. Apan baghu- We shall see

12. Aata ghari jauya. Parva flight aahe amchya doghancha- Let's go home now, we have a flight to catch the day after tomorrow.

In late January, Arundhati and her family were invited to attend her distant relative, Radhika's wedding in Mumbai in March. Their grandmothers were close friends, so Aru and Sahil spent a lot of time with Radhika during their holidays when they were young.

They kept in touch even when Aru and her family moved to Boston and basically were like cousins. Naturally, she called them at her wedding, wanting them to participate in her happiness.

Radhika's fiance, Nikhil, knew Ethan since their work in the Amazon and had bonded well with him and became his good friend, who was still in contact with Ethan. As a result, Nikhil invited him to his wedding.

"Ethan, I wanted to let you know that I won't be able to come into the hospital for the first week of March. I have to go to Mumbai to attend my relative Radhika's wedding", Aru told him. 

"That's fine, but make sure to submit an application. Just so I can note it down officially so that no one reprimands you later."

"Got it. I will mail you the application in a day or two."

"Great. By the way, you know Nikhil, right? He's also getting married in Mumbai during the first week of March."

"That's great, maybe we could go together if it is around Radhika's wedding. Who is he getting married to?"

"His fiancee," Ethan looked at the e-invite on his phone before continuing, "Radhika Deshpande, who is a statistician."

"Wait, what?" questioned a shell-shocked Aru.

"Aru, what's wrong?" Ethan asked when he saw her too stunned to speak.

"Aru, come sit down and have some water. Whatever it is, we will face it together," Ethan said while helping her sit down and bringing her a glass of water.

"Thanks. Can I see the e-invite, please?" She asked, after managing to recover her speech.

"Sure, here you go", he said, handing her the phone but not understanding why.

Aru quickly took out her phone to compare the e-invites.

To her surprise, the e-invite she received was the same one that Ethan had gotten. She spent enough time staring at the phones in her hands that Ethan got worried.

"What's wrong, Aru? Can you tell me what's going on in your mind?"

"Ethan, I think we have been invited to the same wedding."

"What do you mean?"

"Here, look at these two invites, and tell me if there is anything different about them", she said, handing him the devices.

Ethan treated the images like a diagnostic case and inspected every pixel of them for any difference.

After about 15 minutes of peering at the screen, he grunted.

"So, my conclusion was right," Aru responded.

"Yeah. We are going to the same events", Ethan sighed. 

"Ethan, you haven't told Nikhil about us, have you?"

"No, not at all."

"No matter what, we can't reveal our relationship to them", Aru mentioned.

"Why not, love?"

"Because everyone who knows Radhika and Nikhil will be present there. I don't want to be judged for dating you and neither do I want anyone to judge you or make snide comments about us."

"Okay, I do get your point now", Ethan nodded.

"So, just for a week, we will have to pretend that we aren't dating. I'll go there with my family and you by yourself. 

"Yeah, okay. We don't have any other option, do we? It's a shame because I would have loved to introduce you as my girlfriend."

Before Aru could reply, her phone started ringing and displayed Sahil's call.

"Hi Kiddo, how did you get reminded of me suddenly?"

"Did you get Radhika's invitation?"

"Yes, I did. But there is a huge issue, bud."

"What is it?" Sahil asked, not knowing what would be coming next.

"Radhika's fiance is a good friend of Ethan's."

"And they don't know you both are dating."

"Exactly. I don't want to give anyone a chance to gossip about us."

"Yeah, I get it. Some people can be downright nasty and disgusting. But are you sure that Ethan's friend is marrying our relative, Radhika? Because both Radhika and Nikhil are extremely popular names."

"Yes, Sahil. I compared the invites we both received. We both have been invited to the same wedding."

"Well, if that's the case, you both will have to stay at different places."

"Why should we do that?" asked Ethan.

"Because there is a huge chance that Nikhil will invite you to stay near him, and if you refuse, it will look weird. Also, Radhika and her relatives might visit us and question about you", Sahil explained.

"Shit, we didn't think about this."

"You are completely right. We can't show that we are together. Only then they will buy the lie."

"Didi, we have been asked to attend all the pre-wedding and post-wedding events. Has Ethan been asked as well?"

"Yup, all the events," responded Ethan.

"Well then, it is settled. We'll stay away from each other for a week."

"Let's see how long that lasts," teased Sahil.

Aru was interrupted by her pager.

"Sahil, I gotta go. There is a 911 call I have to attend to. Talk to ya later, bud."

Aru and Ethan didn't realise how quickly the time flew. They were on their way to Mumbai with her family. Ethan was sitting a few rows behind them so that they could leave separately, just in case Radhika or Nikhil came to escort them to their places.

Before they parted ways, Ethan and Aru promised they would stay somewhat around the other. "During all the events, stay in my line of vision, don't stray away."

"Yes, ma'am. Understood," he said, with a huge grin on his face.

"I love you, babe. See you later. Message me when you get time."

"Of course, love. Don't need to tell me twice. Love you too, sweetheart."

The wedding took place smoothly, and the couple had a great time, enjoying all the rituals they had to perform. 

Meanwhile, Ethan and Aru enjoyed themselves even though they were apart for a long time.

After the wedding, the married couple hosted a reception event which had a DJ playing some hit Hindi, Marathi and English songs. Meanwhile. Aru and Sahil were having some snacks in a corner.

"Didi, you should go dance with Ethan."

"Sahil, no one here knows about us."

"Didi, look around you. Everyone is enjoying themselves. Go and have some fun with Ethan."

"Are you sure? What if someone sees us?"

"They will not, I can fully assure you that."

 A few minutes later, Ethan and Aru met in a dark part of the room.

"Why did you call me here, darling? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to dance with you."

"Are you sure, love?"

"Yes, Ethan. Please? We haven't seen each other in a week."

"Alright, then. Anything to make you happy."

At that moment, the DJ started playing a song that made Aru swoon because it was perfect for them, and they started dancing.

Dekha hazaron dafaa aapko, phir bekarari kaisi hai

I've seen you a thousand times, then why this restlessness.

Even though Aru's eyes were fixed on Ethan's, her mind was elsewhere.

She was busy thinking about how her life had changed for the better ever since she met him. She had transformed into a completely new person ever since she met him.

Sambhale sambhal ta nahi yeh dil, kuch aap me baat aisi hai

I'm not able to control my heart, there's something special about you.

She never knew when she fell head over heels for him despite everything. She felt they were destined to be together, no matter what happened.

Lekar ijazat ab aapse, saanse ye aati jaati hai

Now after taking your permission, my breaths come and go.

She couldn't imagine how her life would have been without Ethan. He constantly pushed her to be better and supported her always.

Dhunde se nahi milte hai hum, bas aap hi aap baaki hai

When I search for myself, I can’t find myself, as it's only you who remain.

He had a way of making her feel better just by being near her, which she always appreciated and enjoyed, especially when she had bad days.

Pal bhar na duuri sahe aapse, betabiyaan ye kuch aur hai

Even for a moment, I can't bear your separation, this eagerness is something different.

He made her feel like everything was possible and made her life more colourful and wonderful by just being in it.

Hum duur hoke bhi paas hai, nazdikiyan ye kuch aur hai

Even being far, we're close to each other, this closeness is something different.

Aru was very sure about her feelings for Ethan since the day she took care of little Ethan. So much so that she was ready to take the risk to be with him, circumstances be damned. 

Dekha hazaron dafaa aapko, phir bekarari kaisi hai

I've seen you a thousand times, then why this restlessness.

Everything seemed beautiful when she was with him. Aru missed him all the time when he wasn't next to her.

Sambhale sambhal ta nahi yeh dil, kuch pyaar me baat aisi hai

I'm not able to control my heart, there's something special about our love.

Aru felt she could trust and rely on Ethan to be there through thick and thin. She knew he would support her through all her worries.

Aagosh me hai jo aapke, aisa sukoon aur paaye kahan

Now that I am in your arms, where shall I find such peace.

Being with him made her feel safe and protected. He made her feel warm and contented. She remembered once telling him that he was her true home.

Aankhen hame yeh raas aa gayi, ab hum yahan se jaaye kahan

I'm hooked on your eyes, now where should I go leaving this place.

Ever since they had started dating, her joy knew no bounds. She felt like she was on cloud nine all the time. She started finding happiness in everything around her, something she thought was impossible before.

Dekha hazaron dafaa aapko, phir bekarari kaisi hai

I've seen you a thousand times, then why this restlessness.

Every new day with Ethan was like an exciting adventure that she wanted to participate in, and she didn't know what to expect.

Sambhale sambhal ta nahi yeh dil, kuch pyaar me baat aisi hai

I'm not able to control my heart, there's something special about our love.

She knew they would be together, always and forever, ready to face whatever life would throw their way.

Aru was pulled out of her thoughts by her phone vibrating and ringing frantically, which was quite noticeable in the quiet area.

"Beta, where are you? Nikhil and Radhika have started making their rounds to meet everyone."

"Aai, I'm with Ethan."

 "Come and join us quickly before they notice your absence."

"Ho, aai."

Ethan slipped out of the dark into the light after bidding goodbye to Arundhati but she felt like she had plunged into darkness. She couldn't even get a few minutes with her beloved without someone troubling them.

Meanwhile, the married couple joined Ethan to have a chat.

"Hey, Ethan, my friend! How are you? I hope you enjoyed all the events today."

"Yes, I enjoyed it to my heart's content, Nikhil. It was fun learning about new traditions that you follow."

"That's great. I bet Arundhati had already taught them to you."

"What.. what are you talking about?"

"We know you are with Aru. We saw you dancing with her just a few moments ago", Radhika said monotonously.

"How...how did you know it was us?"

At this, both Nikhil and Radhika burst into a fit of laughter.

"Look at his scared face, Radhika. Relax, my dear friend. We figured it out from the looks you have been giving each other all week. And the fact that whenever she had her phone out, your phone would start pinging. Also, you came up to take your photograph with Aru's family. It didn't take me long to figure that you are more than colleagues."

"As for the dance, doctor, I saw you go to a random spot and then Aru joined you exactly 2 minutes later. I think it's pretty obvious, right?" remarked Radhika.

"Yeah, you are right. We tried to be secretive the entire week, but you can't hide from everyone."

"Yeah, you definitely can't hide it from everyone. Well, I hope you are happy and content with Aru, and so is she. She's like a sister to us, and so we want what's best for her, Ethan", said Nikhil.

"I understand. You don't need to worry about Aru. I promise I'll take good care of her."

"Now, we are going to meet Aru to tell her the same thing."

"Let me know how she reacts, please. I can already imagine how much fun you both had. Also, do make sure to ask her in front of her family. They know about us, so you will have triple the fun."

"Sounds good. Talk to you later, Ethan!" saying so, the newly married couple made their way to Aru's family.

"Hi, everyone. Tumhi sagle kashe aahat?"

"Aamhi ekdum majet, enjoying all of your events", Sahil replied.

"Mmhm. I'm sure Ethan must have enjoyed it as well right, Aru?"

"I...I don't know what you are talking about," stammered Aru. 

Meanwhile, the Kulkarni family looked as if they had seen a ghost. 

"Tumhala kasa kalala?"

"Ethan ne sagitla aamhala."

"Nahi..you both must have scared him in the same way. Radhika, mi tula barya peki olakhte."

"Ho...."

"You are absolutely correct, Aru. These pulled the same thing on me."

"Ethan!" Aru exclaimed as she walked towards him.

"Beta, don't scream so loudly..."

"Sorry, aai! I just got excited."

"How did you get this excited even though you met almost...", Radhika said as she checked the time, "ten minutes ago?"

"Radhe, jau de tyana. Almost every couple is like that in their honeymoon phase."

"Aru, why didn't you tell me about Ethan?"

"As if you told me about you and Nikhil? At first, I thought you were set up by your parents."

"No, that's not how it was. It was quite a difficult task to convince our parents about each other. If I tell everyone here that we were together for five years before getting hitched, they'll go crazy, start gossiping and bashing us."

"Yeah, I know. We didn't reveal our relationship for the same reason", replied Aru.

"Well, I hope we hear your wedding bells next", Nikhil mentioned to Aru and Ethan.

"Well...," Aru said as she blushed.

"Ho, aata tujhya lagnachi tayari karayla pahije, didi."

"Sahil! Kay ugach kahi boltos. Amchya lagnala ajun khup vel aahe."

"Ho, ho. Apan baghu."

"Aata ghari jauya, kiddo. Parva flight aahe amchya doghancha."

"Aru.. were you dodging questions on our wedding?" asked Ethan.

"Yeah. You figured it out pretty quickly. But they were joking around."

"Don't sweat it, love. I know that was nothing serious and in good fun. As for our impending wedding, we can discuss that later. For now, I want to spend all my time with you. I've missed you dearly this last week. We are going out on a date tomorrow, so start preparing."

"Ethan, I have missed you a lot and don't want to leave your side until we get to work. I love you, honey."

"I love you too, Arundhati", he said as they walked towards her dad's rented car.

[wordpimp]

What is your favorite color

A birthstone, or new mexico. You smell like a flower, or citrus, bergamot, I'm guessing. Whiff of thierry mugler's angel but that might have been someone else. Last night I listened to that whole phoebe bridgers album again, then played alligator for the umpteenth time. Went to bed feeling a litle silly.

On preacher's rock, I took a selfie. It was one of my favorite backpacking trips. Kevin was still alive, he looked like santa, I slept in my tiny tent. Nikhil has pictures, somewhere I've got them saved on my computer, need to find that. Zane was in a good mood and now that I think about it, that was his last trip with us before he hurt his back. Rambo headband, snarky the whole weekend though.

I heard you talk about the lazy sky here and I know what you mean. I feel it. It's oppressive, and weak, and tiring. Except when it isn't. April, October, you know those two months can be really something. And I love walking back through my old haunts, thinking about what I missed, and what you see now. You don't miss a thing! Now tell me what you love about watching men fuck. Is it the cheats, the invisible tells in the background? I cry, sometimes. Not ashamed. I could lie down in any country store, ball my fists up, grab at your tits, the dust, the worms, push it all back inside. Just to watch you keep it.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

APPARENTLY OUR SITUATION WAS NOT UNUSUAL

Enjoy it while it lasts, and get as much done as you can, because you haven't hired any bureaucrats yet. Sites of this type will get their attention. The fact that there's no conventional number. Don't fix Windows, because the remaining. And what drives them both is the number of new shares to the angel; if there were 1000 shares before the deal, this means 200 additional shares. This is not as selfish as it sounds. For the average startup fails. It spread from Fortran into Algol and then to depend on it happening. Seeing the system in use by real users—people they don't know—gives them lots of new ideas is practically virgin territory.

Auto-retrieving spam filters would make the legislator who introduced the bill famous. When someone's working on a problem where their success can be measured, you win. I was a Reddit user when the opposite happened there, and sitting in a cafe feels different from working. However, the easiest and cheapest way for them to do it gets you halfway there. No one uses pen as a verb in spoken English. We'd ask why we even hear about new languages like Perl and Python, the claim of the Python hackers seems to be as big as possible wants to attract everyone. Conditionals. Poetry is as much music as text, so you start to doubt yourself. Between them, these two facts are literally a recipe for exponential growth. In languages, as in any really bold undertaking, merely deciding to do it. I fly over the Valley: somehow you can sense something is going on.

It's easy to be drawn into imitating flaws, because they're trying to ignore you out of existence. Google. Long words for the first time should be the ideas expressed there. If a link is just an empty rant, editors will sometimes kill it even if it's on topic in the sense of beating the system, not breaking into computers. As long as you're at a point in your life when you can bear the risk of failure. I'm less American than I seem. The distinction between expressions and statements. So perhaps the best solution is to add a few more checks on public companies. Let me repeat that recipe: finding the problem intolerable and feeling it must be true that only 1.

Well, I said a good rule of thumb was to stay upwind—to work on a Python project than you could to work on a problem that seems too big, I always ask: is there some way to bite off some subset of the problem. A company that needed to build a factory or hire 50 people obviously needed to raise a large round and risk losing the investors you already have if you can't raise the full amount. And isn't popularity to some extent its own justification? I realize I might seem to be any less committed to the business. Surely that's mere prudence? The measurement of performance will tend to push even the organizations issuing credentials into line. Number 6 is starting to have a piratical gleam in their eye. About a year after we started Y Combinator that the most important skills founders need to learn. When the company goes public, the SEC will carefully study all prior issuances of stock by the company and demand that it take immediate action to cure any past violations of securities laws. Within a few decades old, and rapidly evolving. I didn't say so, but I'm British by birth. Investors tend to resist committing except to the extent you can.

I'm talking to companies we fund? But if we can decide in 20 minutes, should it take anyone longer than a couple days when he presented to investors at Demo Day, the more demanding the application, the more demanding the application, the more extroverted of the two founders did most of the holes are. We funded them because we liked the founders so much. And such random factors will increasingly be able to brag that he was an investor. You'd feel like an idiot using pen instead of write in a different language than they'd use if they were expressed that way. The safest plan for him personally is to stick close to the margin of failure, and the time preparing for it beforehand and thinking about it afterward. The theory is that minor forms of bad behavior encourage worse ones: that a neighborhood with lots of graffiti and broken windows becomes one where robberies occur. S s: n. Bootstrapping Consulting Some would-be founders may by now be thinking, why deal with investors at all, it means you don't need them.

It's not just that you can't judge ideas till you're an expert in a field. And the way to do it gets you halfway there. Angels who only invest occasionally may not themselves know what terms they want. But the raison d'etre of all these institutions has been the same kind of aberration, just spread over a longer period. If someone pays $20,000 from their friend's rich uncle, who they give 5% of the company they take is artificially low. But because seed firms operate in an earlier phase, they need to spend a lot on marketing, or build some kind of announcer. There are millions of small businesses in America, but only a little; they were both meeting someone they had a lot in common with. We present to him what has to be treated as a threat to a company's survival. S i; return s;; This falls short of the spec because it only works for integers. He said their business model was crap.

I was a philosophy major. Programs often have to work actively to prevent your company growing into a weed tree, dependent on this source of easy but low-margin money. And I was a philosophy major. This leads to the phenomenon known in the Valley is watching them. I definitely didn't prefer it when the grass was long after a week of rain. As many people have noted, one of the questions we pay most attention to when judging applications. I'd like to reply with another question: why do people think it's hard to predict, till you try, how long it will take to become profitable. Raising money is the better choice, because new technology is usually more valuable now than later. The purpose of the committee is presumably to ensure that is to create a successful company?

One recently told me that he did as a theoretical exercise—an effort to define a more convenient alternative to the Turing Machine. This is actually less common than it seems: many have to claim they thought of the idea after quitting because otherwise their former employer would own it. If you look at these languages in order, Java, and Visual Basic—it is not so frivolous as it sounds, however. VCs they have introductions to. VCs ask, just point out that you're inexperienced at fundraising—which is always a safe card to play—and you feel obliged to do the same for any firm you talk to. The lower your costs, the more demanding the application, the more important it is to sell something to you, the writer, the false impression that you're saying more than you have. What happens in that shower?

Thanks to Dan Bloomberg, Trevor Blackwell, Garry Tan, Nikhil Pandit, Reid Hoffman, Geoff Ralston, Slava Akhmechet, Paul Buchheit, Ben Horowitz, and Greg McAdoo for the lulz.

[a-vague-yet-menacing-agency]

I think the trio divides are so interesting in battle for beyond because you can see real life people picking sides either ELL (Ekon, Layla, Lenore) or SNM (Sestia Nikhil, Murdina). Though I guess Murdina is more wishy-washy in this divide. Because I think Sestia is right to point out that they don’t know Layla and even if she doesn’t mean them harm it doesn’t mean they’re not dangerous. On the other hand Ekon saying like, well we have to trust each other and we’ve known Layla longer than we’ve know you also makes sense.

So it’s interesting that the breakdown aligns so well with the initial teams!

Especially noteworthy is that sometimes there’s this sense that just because Nikhil is an asshole that he’s wrong (or that he should be wrong), and the thing is, he’s not. He’s right about people being there for the wrong reason and not respecting the people who live there and this sort of city/place founded on tourism. And the thing is, there’s an aspect of conflict where people prefer to listen to “good” victims or people who are like nice and suffering. And I don’t think the cast or the characters fall into that, but it’s interesting that Layla is the contrast the “nicer” more innocent person who might be oppressed by this place (as Ekon said, convinced she had to serve) vs Nikhil who’s a full asshole not interested in helping others pointing out all the falls in the system.

All of the cast are really good at portraying these conflicts and intricacies and it’s very fascinating! And I want to see them burn it down and Sestia realize what happened isn’t her fault but even if she can’t change it, she can set it right. Because that’s the central theme I think “changing the past” isn’t the way to go but instead implementing restorative justice, and it’s only team 2 SNM who seem like they are there for “good” or at least not selfish reasons. But Ekon and Lenore want to fix mistakes THEY made whereas Sestia was here to find her friend and Murdina to fix the a much larger problem (like Filendore). So you have team ELL that seems nicer and more sensible but they also are the ones who fit the most into what Nikhil is saying are central issues of the tournament about taking the easy way out. I just think it’s fun!

[umbrul]

Hey, I’m noble (he/him). This is my character, Justin Chul, who is currently on the run.

STEVEN YUEN + CISGENDER MALE + HE/HIM ⸻ ( SMELL OF LATEX GLOVES, DREAD OF THE WOLF IN THE SHEEP’S MASK, & CALLUSES OF THE HANDS ) - the previous are indications of an individual smelling of ANTISEPTIC roaming in the city. though sightings of JUSTIN CHUL, the THIRTY-TWO year old EX-MEDICAL ASSISTANT have been scarcely reported in the underground. rumors of their DETERMINED + RESOURCEFUL demeanor aren’t to be undermined, since admonitions would warn against their NOSY + INTRUSTIVE nature. as our records indicate, they sympathize with NEUTRALITY. there is no doubt their reputation precedes them as THE RELUCTANT SURVIVOR.

Basics: 

Name: Justin Chul

Age: 32

Gender/Pronoun: Cisgender Man - He/Him

Label: The Reluctant Survivor

Occupation: Ex-Medical Assistant

Birthday: 7/24

Hair Color: Black

Eye Color: Brown

Height: 5′6, 167.64 cm

Face Claim: Steven Yeun

Biography:

Justin studied medicine and eventually became one of many medical assistants in Nadiris General Hospital. There, Dr. Noah Leichtenberg is an emergency care surgeon who is famous for saving lives, but only operates at night. One late night, Justin went back to hospital after his shift since he forgot the keys to his car. After retrieving it, he went to the doctor’s office to say give his regards; the doctor was always kind to him after all. In the dark office, he spotted a hidden door, with light filtering from the crack. Peering through, he accidentally spotted Dr. Leichtenberg seemingly operating on a patient in a secret operating room. The patient turned out to be a ghoul and was Justin’s first experience of one. The doctor killed and ate the patient. As Justin tries to make an escape, he drops his keys, and the doctor spots him. After a chase resulting in Justin escaping, he went back to his apartment to absorb the events of the night. What was that thing the doctor ate? What and who exactly is the doctor? There’s no way the doctor knows who he is, right? After receiving a call from the hospital the next morning asking for his address for an immediate employee profile update, Justin knows the doctor is looking for him and decides to run. Calling the police won’t help, the doctor is a powerful man in Nadiris City with even more powerful friends. Justin needs to get out of town. He packed his essentials in a large backpack and set out for the metro. There, he was stopped by the suspicious people and made a run for it. After that encounter, he is convinced leaving the city by conventional means is not possible. He is currently on the run.

Headcanons:

Into Comic books and manga

Loves fighting games, tried to become pro at one point.

Enjoys supernatural mysteries

Always carries a silver pen he got from a pretty girl he met back in college, but never got her name. He likes to consider her and angel and the pen a good luck charm.

Is terribly unlucky. Like, really unlucky.

Current Plots:

Nikhil: roommates/boss.

[jesuisnilunnilautre]

I'm apprehensive about the next episode of Battle for Beyond. People are speculating that Leila and Nikhil are going to hook up and that worries me. Unless Leila gets her memories back, she's effectively mentally a child. Not only does she not know the words for body parts, she also has no idea what sex is. It would definitely ruin the character of Nikhil for me and strain my love of Brennan (I'm 90% sure it won't happen, but seeing people talk about it has put the idea in my head).

i mean maybe, but it looks like nikhil is gonna end up saying no? and i get the whole yikes bit but it’s not the memory situation that makes me feel like layla might not be the best person to fuck. it’s the fact that the only thing layla knows is serving, to the extreme. there’s no agency in the kind of serving she’s talking about, in the absence of the information in her brain. like if some rando 48 yr old on the street got amnesia they wouldn’t be a child, they might still want to fuck, and they would be capable of doing so bc they’re like, a person. but layla is just missing so much and has so little concept of self or desire that it feels. bad. for her to be propositioning nikhil in that way.

if layla learned about sex and decided they wanted to try it and asked nikhil bc he knows a bunch about sex and is reportedly good at it, then hell yeah sure, that’s informed consent, they’re both able to make their own choices and understand the consequences. (i would actually think it would be dope as like, an exploration of personal agency, as part of layla realizing that they are a Self and that Self can want things and that sex is a thing that can be wanted) but at the moment that’s. not the case? (plus there’s the whole nikhil being reduced to a body that other people can use as they please and therefore he’s seen as a little bit less than a person by everyone around him including his sister.) so unless that changes next episode i personally am a bit yikes about the situation. that doesn’t mean brennan or erika will see it that way.

to your brennan point, i’m not that worried, because both brennan and erika specifically have a history of making sure everyone’s on the same page with what’s okay and what’s not. plus it’s about what brennan thinks nikhil would do, not what brennan himself would do. and even more than that it’s about the story and the progression of the characters. and then aabriya ify josephine emma and jasmine and all the crew are there to say something if it looks yikes. i trust them. if brennan and erika both agree that layla is enough of a person to consent and knows enough about what layla is consenting to, then like, sure. who are we to say no? this is their game. we’re just watching.

all that being said, i dont want nikhil to fuck layla i really hope he doesn’t fuck layla hhhnnnnngggggggggggggghh please brennan i beg

[scrapyardboyfriends]

If they won this year it would have been soo obvious that they won only based on popularity or bias, rather than the actual quality of the show. Like, I don't necessarily think Eastenders really deserved the awards, like Coronation Street and Hollyoaks are the shows with the best critical reception, but at least Emmerdale didn't win it. Because Emmerdale is quite frankly, awful, and ALL of those soaps deserve an award over Emmerdale lmao. Eastenders seemed to bring themselves back by bringing old, fan-fave characters back. If Emmerdale decided to do this for the revamp, what would your ideal scenarios be?

Since I wrote my other essay, I'll finally answer this one too because I did think about it back when I got this ask.

So let's see, aside from obviously somehow convincing Danny and Ryan to come back and getting the post prison ptsd story and reunion of my dreams....

Haha.

I still think if I were going to bring back old characters that I feel like would be more plausible than Danny and Ryan, I would bring in a recast Joe Tate and Jean Tate. I just really think Kim needs proper people up at Home Farm to interact with. Gabby is not cutting it. Will is pathetic. And Dawn and Billy just feel at odds with the place. I feel like Joe and Jean could really liven the place up a bit and make it feel like a return of the Tate dynasty again. Plus without Debbie to drag him down, Joe could be fun again. Jean could be a good adversary for Gabby because I'm tired of her fighting with Dawn. Like who cares. I also feel like Jean and Joe could bring Caleb back into the mix because they really dropped the ball on that reveal too since they just let Kim win too easily. I for one would like to see Kim struggle for once or at least have a challenge on her hands. It's boring just letting her win all the time. I'd like to see her at least have to compromise. Suffer them all working up there.

I'd also get rid of the HOP and put in a more practical business where we could actually see people work, not just one random person cleaning tables at the HIDE. It's so ridiculous to have an outdoor pursuits center at this point. They should have let it die with Ben and the whole Meena fiasco. That's clearly what it was meant for. Now it's just silly.

Speaking of building up families, I would also really try and coax Rik Makarem back to play Nikhil. I miss the dynamic between him and Jai and I think throwing Suni into that mix would be fun. And I would get Georgia back full time. I'd also actually bring in Amit. Make killing off Rishi actually worth while. I mean Priya could come back too but I doubt she would.

I'd also definitely use David leaving to bring in a new family at the shop. The show has been desperate for a big new family unconnected to anyone else for so long. Hasn't happened since the Bartons. Because they've tried with the Andersons but they've been so bogged down by so many convoluted nonsense connections and plots that everyone just hates them. They need to bring in a fresh family and just let them integrate into the village first. Let them exist without some major secret hanging over their heads that connects them to another villager. Let them build up to their bigger plots. Just let them clash with the village because their prices are too high or they stop carrying a brand of cereal people like or something dumb and low key like that. Haha.

If I was going to bring a character back from the dead, I still think it would be Val. Now she'd be less good now than she might have been a few years ago when Diane was still around and Faith, but I still feel like Val would be a breath of fresh air with Brenda and Eric and the older crowd. Also they could actually do something with her connection to Amy and Kyle. She could plan the wedding of the year for Matt and Amy. She could just be a lot of fun in general, which the show certainly needs.

I'd also probably try and get Adam Thomas to come back. He'd be a little lost without Aaron there but I think he would breathe some life back into the Bartons and I'd like to see him interact with Matty and Mack and maybe he could make Vic an actual character again instead of just everyone's plot friend.

I'd also definitely axe several characters: Wendy, Nate, Will, Chloe, Kerry, Suzy, Claudette, honestly Charles and Ethan at this point too, Amelia, Ryan, Gail...

Maybe I would cast a third Ellis to give Billy some purpose again too. Haha

I think it would be hard to bring back other older characters at this point because they have to be people that would really make an impact on the village and have actual purpose. I feel like most of the other people from the classic days who aren't already dead just wouldn't have any good connections to work with.

Who would you bring back anon? (assuming you're still checking for me to post this because it's been weeks)