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teamfreewill2pointo · 4 years

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Sam’s Emotional Arc 1/3

I hated the finale immediately, but I’ve spent some time with it and talked to friends who loved it. I can see now what it was about, and I’ve come to appreciate the story they were trying to tell, even if I think it didn’t land right.

I’ve been told that my meta on this has helped other people come to terms with the finale, so I thought I’d compile it in one place from across various discord channels and twitter posts. If you are struggling with the finale, I hope it helps you.

Part of this actually started with a shit post. I was making a joke about Sam being psychic since he was scared of clowns when Dean died by one. I realized that may have been deliberate. I dug into the story more and now I’m convinced it was. Then I came across some excellent meta that fit with the themes I was finding and opened up the series even more for me.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it. First, Sam’s journey.

Clowns pop up in s15 before the barn scene. In 15.01, which was written by Dabb, Sam is injured by a clown. Castiel is able to save Sam and heal his injury. The clown keeps coming after Sam, with Sam having fight scenes with the clown, while others attack the other ghosts. The clown is kicking the shit out of Sam again, and Castiel saves him once more. Sam is unable to fight off the clown on his own both times.

They run until they are able to escape outside a magical barrier. Sam turns to the clown and says, “shut up”.

This is literally Sam running from his fears. On top of that, this isn’t just any clown, but the ghost of John Wayne Gacy, from an episode also written by Dabb.

Dean: A serial killer clown. I mean, this is, like, the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you, you know, ‘cause you love serial killers, but – but you hate clowns.

Sam gets nervous and struggles with the lighter before he’s able to get rid of the clown, for now.

I believe this is a metaphor for hunting in general: it’s both the best of Sam’s life and also the worst. The clowns symbolize his relationship with Dean.

Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie was co-written by Dabb (see the pattern?). Sam’s fear of clowns was known since season 2. In season 7, Dabb explored where this fear came from.

On the surface, Sam’s fear is just because he found them creepy, but the episode explains that they actually come from Sam’s fear of being left behind by Dean.

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This episode comes directly after an episode where Sam worried that Dean would get himself killed

Sam: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed. Dean: I'll do what I can. Sam: Well, what's that supposed to mean? Dean: It means I'll do what I can. All right? You can shut up about it.

Sam is dealing with Hallucifer at this moment, but Hallucifer doesn’t really scare him. Losing Dean does.

Sam has a conversation with an employee about greatest fears.

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Recognize the actress? She came back for s15 in 15.06. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. 15.06 featured Castiel helping a parent find their lost child in a season that features Castiel worried about losing Jack. Through his experience with her, Castiel confronts his fears and doubts and then returns to join in the fight against God. [I’ll touch on Castiel’s journey more in his chapter]

Sam’s greatest fear is losing Dean. There’s a lot in the series about how Sam felt lonely and abandoned for much of his childhood. A whole episode, Just My Imagination, centers around this. Sam hated when Dean went off on hunts without him.

source In The Chitters, Sam tells Dean how his fear of losing his family paralyzed him as child. It’s a story where an older brother dies and the younger brother never recovers from it until he’s able to lay him to rest (sound familiar???)

Sam: You know, whenever you and Dad used to leave me to go hunting, and I-and I wouldn’t hear from y’all for a while, I, um, I was always sure that some vamp or rugaru, or take your pick, I always figured one of them finally got ya. I tried to think what to do, you know, the next step to take. I was just lost. Dean: We came back, though, every time.

You might naturally think, “Wait a minute! Sam left Dean multiple times!” Honestly, this was something I had a huge issue with when watching through the show the first time. I didn’t understand Sam and hated him leaving Dean in s8. I was completely on Dean’s side at first. But, on multiple rewatches and talking to others, I’ve realized that when Sam left Dean, he was running from his fear. In this TV Guide interview, Jared perfectly sums up why Sam left in season 1; he couldn’t stand to see his family die. Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon along with a comic that explains why Sam left in detail. While the comic isn’t official canon, it shows Dabb’s thought process. In it, Sam sees his family as running towards a horrible end and can’t handle dealing with that.

Dean: So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it? Sam: No. Not normal. Safe.

There are many more points in the series where we learn about Sam’s fear of Dean dying. This would be 3948573945 pages long if I wrote them all out, so I’m going to focus on the key moments that loop back to this ending, but there’s so much more there.

If you are struggling with this and need more, please let me know and I can do a deeper dive into that subject. We first see Sam’s inability to let Dean go in season 1 when Sam refuses to let Dean die in Faith.

Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? Sam: I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

Sam’s whole arc in s3 is him being unable to handle Dean dying. He wants to save Dean, but Dean won’t let himself be saved. This was what Gabriel was trying to teach him in Mystery Spot.

Trickster: This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

This is how Ruby gets under Sam’s skin and what gets him to start working with her. Everything Sam did was to save Dean. In s4, Sam’s arc is about him sacrificing himself in order to save Dean. He’s gutted from being unable to save Dean. In 4.12, Sam decides to drink demon blood in order to save Dean

Dean: [says that they will die early] Sam: Maybe we'll be different, Dean. Dean: What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life. Sam: What if we could win?Dean: "Win"?Sam: If there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it.

When Sam breaks out of the panic room, he’s suicidal. He’s determined to save Dean with his life as the cost he’s willing to pay. He didn’t think he would survive killing Lilith. He was committing suicide in that moment. The reason why Sam is so willing to sacrifice himself in s5 is because he has low self esteem. He blames himself for everything that goes wrong. In Sam, Interrupted 5.11, also by Dabb, Sam has a breakdown under the weight of his guilt. He hates himself and he feels his rage is out of control. In season 6, we see soulless Sam and, unlike souled Sam, he has no rage. Yes, he’ll kill when necessary, but he’s not angry. It was Sam’s fear driving his rage. He felt out of control of his life and let it lead him down a dark path. In season 7, he sees Dean heading down a dark path and he feels helpless to stop it. He worries about dragging Dean down and tells Dean to let him go. But, at the same time, he’s developing coping techniques. He’s starting to face his fears.

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And then Dean disappears and Sam completely falls apart. Sam didn’t have a healthy relationship with Amelia. They were two broken people clinging to each other. Sam and Dean struggle to reconnect after their time apart. There’s a lot of text addressing the horror of a partner dying and people trying to escape from it.

Mrs Holmes: He could see the end of my days were at hand, and... He had lived centuries all alone, but I don't think he could bear the thought of life without me. That's why he drove off that bridge. You must think I'm a monster.

In Hunteri Heroica written by GUESS WHO!?!? Sam finally acknowledges that he was living in a dream world with Amelia. He was running from his past. We see a flash back with Sam pressing on his scar, which he did to help himself distinguish fantasy from reality.

The episode is about a man refusing to engage in reality and harming those around him. Sam has a big confrontation with him

Sam: Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend... all the crap out there doesn't exist, but you can't do it forever because... eventually, whatever it is you're running from – it'll find you. [CASTIEL appears to be taking Sam’s words to heart.] It'll come along, and it'll punch you in the gut. And then... then you got to wake up, because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Likewise, when Sam was with Jessica, he wasn’t honest about himself. He was hiding from his family and his past. Running to avoid pain. Sam is avoidant in general. Not just in his relationship with Dean. When he talks with Rowena in 13.12 Various & Sundry Villains about his fears of Lucifer, he admits that he could talk about it with Dean, but he can’t bring himself to.

Sam: I’ve seen it too. What he really looks like behind – behind whatever vessel. It… Yeah, still keeps me up at night. Rowena: How do you deal with it? Sam: I guess I don’t deal with it. Not really. I mean, I pushed it down and, um, the world kept almost ending, so I keep pushing it down, and I don’t know. [stammering] I really don’t talk about it, not even with Dean. I mean, I could. You know, he’d listen, but… That’s not something I really know how to share.

In 15.20, Sam’s past is front and center. Literally. I know a lot of people found the Winchester family portrait odd and upsetting, but it symbolizes something I’ll get to in a bit. Instead of trying to avoid his grief, Sam has moments where he lets it wash over him. He goes and sits in the car. He’s no longer avoidant. He’s no longer running away. He’s letting his grief move through him. He’s literally sitting with it.

Soulless Puppy pointed out that the characters emotional arcs is similar to DBT. Please look through their awesome meta here.

Personally, I see them as similar to the therapy I do called ACT. Both are forms of therapy where instead of fighting against them, you accept painful emotions and allow yourself to feel them. If you don’t do that work, then you can’t stop feeling them and your fears/ghosts will always haunt you. In Swan Song, Chuck tells us that “Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.” In 15.20, Sam initially didn’t want to let Dean go. He’s been refusing to do this since season 1. When he’s separated from Dean he lives a fake life or destroys himself/the world trying to get Dean back. There’s a moment in 15.20 where Sam looks at Dean’s guns. He wants to commit suicide, but he makes the choice to live. For the time in Sam’s life, he let Dean go and lived with his pain. He no longer ran from it. After Swan Song, Dean was unable to let Sam go. He wanted him back. After Carry On, Sam is able to do what Dean couldn’t do. He lives a life outside of Dean. What’s more, Sam has reconciled himself with his past and his family. It’s clumsy and I wish it were better shown, but having the family portrait and their parents in heaven isn’t meant to excuse the way Sam and Dean were raised. In order to move past the trauma of his relationship with his parents, Sam fully integrates them into his life. In Lebanon, Sam was able to confront and forgive his father. In doing so, he can also forgive himself. Mary asks for forgiveness too, and he grants it to her. He doesn’t forget what happened, but he’s able to move forward and leave the intergenerational cycle of violence. He’s able to raise his son, Dean, the way his brother should have been raised.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it.

I can see why people see Sam’s life after Dean as unhappy. I hated it so much because I saw it as horrible and sad the first time through. I had to sit with myself and my emotions first. I think it’s because we’ve been told by society that we have to get rid of our grief in order to be happy. The finale was showing us that it’s possible to do the opposite. [Personally I think it would’ve been better had they showed more overtly happy memories, but many of my friends saw this straight away] When I began therapy, one of the first things I learned was that there aren’t “negative” emotions. When working with our kids, we call them Big emotions. In DBT/ACT, all emotions are treated as normal and natural. Grief, anger, sadness, etc, these are all normal parts of the human existence. We don’t need to run from them in order to have happiness. We can live with them. As interstitial said in our chats, “you can't change the past, you can only change your relationship to it. To accept that your past contained both love and heartache, to miss it, but also know you can do better; that's actual recovery, as good as it gets.” As Soulless-Puppy explained to me, Sam lived in duality. Dean was dead, but Sam lived. Sam was happy, but he grieved. Dean was with him in the watch and the car and his son, but Dean also waited for him in heaven. I hated the finale the first time I saw it, then next watched it with my boyfriend who loved it. As we were watching together and discussing it, I realized that Dean’s death scene wasn’t just about him, but about the show itself.

Dean promising Sam that he will be with Sam in Sam’s heart is also the show promising us that they will never leave it. That’s why Alex kept posting “The end has no end.” Just as Sam carried Dean with him in his heart, we will carry the show with us. I hope this helps. It’s a terrible thing to feel upset about an ending and thinking of the show this way, recognizing these patterns, is bringing me peace. I still have issues with how it was written, but now that I see what they were doing, I wish all the more that they had the chance to do it right. Please share your thoughts and experiences. I love hearing different opinions. Next up, Dean. Then Castiel.

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birdwonder · 5 years

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Joseph and Suzie Q go out for a date night and Uncle Caesar comes over to babysit wittle Holly? 🥺 ~🐾

|| this was such a cute request !! i loved it so much and if i recognise that paw print emoji correctly, your last ask was such as brilliant ! i’m sorry it’s a little short and quick but i have so many long requests to go through that i want to keep them smaller than what they can be so i can do them all !

Caesar Zeppeli and Holly Joestar | Babysitting

This was not how Caesar’s Friday night was supposed to go.

To be looking after an eight year old, who couldn’t even reach his chest on her tip toes, was the furthest thing from ideal; especially when the Italian knew that a young man such as himself should either be sweeping a beautiful seductress off her feet or enjoying the moon lit streets of the gorgeous town outside.

Now, don’t get him wrong, he had no qualms with the young girl known as Holly Joestar, in fact he adored the sweetheart as if she was his blood relative.

The daughter of his closest friend, but more officially known as rival, Joseph had an angelic smile that could turn atheists devout and the world’s courteous manners that Caeser knew she hadn’t picked up from her rowdy father. So, to have accepted Joseph’s desperate begging and plea for him to sacrifice one night so that the Joestar and Suzi Q could have a night out wasn’t exactly the biggest regret ever made; it just hurt to know that it could be him who’s enjoying a night with a beautiful woman and wine.

At least when Joseph had asked Caesar repeatedly for his assistance he made a good show out of it, even getting on his knees and clasping his hands together as though the blond was a god bestowing his grace upon the sinful, something that left a smug look on Caesar’s face for a long time.

“Mister Caesar, are you alright?” A small voice piped up from underneath flower painted covers, snapping the man out of his pondering state to have him realise his current situation. He had foolishly zoned out halfway through reading a classic yet annoyingly predictable fairytale while sitting on a petite, pink stool that left the man feeling both emasculated and idiotic. Beside him, tucked away, was Holly herself, big green eyes gazing up with small hands gripping the edges of her sheets in either anticipation for the next part of her bed time story or from worry for Caesar.

“Ah, yes, yes. Sorry little ragazza, I just have a lot on my mind, you know?” Caesar promptly apologised, giving her a reassuring smile and patting her head comfortingly. If he could just read a couple more pages then hopefully Holly would be fast asleep, meaning that he could spend the rest of his babysitting duty on the couch until the Joestar couple was home.

Holly’s only reaction was to look away and nod her head slowly, humming to say she understood yet it came out so sad.

Merda, had he upset the poor girl? He really hadn’t mean to zone off though he supposed an eight year old wouldn’t really have a concept of a grown man not wanting to be spending his night reading about princess and dragons. “Hey now, what’s wrong, bambina?” He softly questioned, hoping that he wasn’t the cause for her dull eyes and lowered brows. If so, Joseph would use his hamon to send him into next week and Caesar wouldn’t feel obligated to fight back.

“It’s just I miss mama and papa…” Holly mumbled, trepidation in how she answered, like she was a nuisance to someone who couldn’t care more. “Whenever they’re here, none of the monsters can get me! But now they’re gone…”

Caesar raised a quizzical brow at that. ‘Monsters?’ Well, he wasn’t informed of anything like that before he took up this task, just that she had to be in bed before nine and that she made sure to brush her teeth. Despite not having any children of his own, he knew well enough that a child can have an incredibly active imagination so it only made sense if this was a fantasy situation that Holly had made up.

“Oh? Just between us, where are these monsters?” Lowering his volume, Caesar tried to whisper to keep a secretive air between the two, as though to play along with her mind to help find the source of her problems.

Holly then pointed downwards, his field of vision following the direction to the empty floor beneath him. ‘Ah,’ he thought to himself, ‘monsters under the bed. I really should have seen this coming.’

Right after, Caesar had stood up from the stool and lowered his body to the floor, making Holly gasp in fear and sit up as fast as a bullet, “no Mister Caesar, they’ll get you!”

Mimicking looking around, it was obvious that nothing was found under the bed and he laughed when he rose back up to tower over the young girl, patting her head once more as though she was a puppy. “See? I’m alright, there’s no monsters to be afraid of!” He boasted, placing his hands upon his hips as though he had survived a gruesome battle.

Much to his dismay, Holly only reacted by shaking her head furiously with tears threatening to spill.

“W-woah, please don’t cry, bambina!” The proud aura he gave off suddenly changed completely, dread pooling inside him over the sight of seeing someone he so deeply cared for upset, and from the stress of her parents returning to her and seeing her in such a state.

“You - you don’t understand,” Holly hiccuped, a balled fist rubbing at one of her eyes as she continued to clutch onto her covers. “They never go for the adults, it’s only me! I see them when mama and papa go to sleep. They hide in shadows and wait, and wait, and wait!” The cracks in her voice left larger ones on Caesar’s heart. He really felt sympathy for the girl, especially when her fears ate her up so much. It was only right that he tried to do something about this.

Closing his eyes, he sat on the edge of Holly’s bed, causing it to creak ever so slightly, and closed his hands together. Holly titled her head in confusion, watching Caesar slowly breathe in and out as though he were meditating in strange fashion. “Mister Caesar…?” She softly called out, not sure what to think of the display at the end of her bed until her uncle, at least that’s what she knew him as, slowly parted his hands to reveal a bubble like blob in-between them with a large amount of bubbles forming within it.

Her eyes turned to the size of saucepans as she watched the magical process take place. In the next few seconds bubbles sparkled and danced around her room, each floating in it’s own direction at it’s own pace. It was almost as though her uncle had cast a magic spell like the wizards in the stories she had read!

When a bubble floated over to Holly, she instinctively pointed out a finger and poked the sphere which in turn popped and made her giggle. Her attention temporarily moved back onto Caesar once his accented voice began to speak, wonder on her face with hopes he would explain his magic.

“See Holly, with these bubbles, no monsters can hurt you. Soon they are going to disappear and only the worst of the worst can see them, meaning you won’t be able to play with them,” a disappointed ‘aw’ promptly cut Caesar off to which he chuckled at before continuing. “This is a… a spell, made out of your parents and I’s love and care for you, so I can only hope that you feel the energy in the room and let it remind you that nothing will ever hurt you when you have us.”

Caesar wanted to cringe at his poor, quickly made up explanation for his hamon technique yet quickly forget about it when he noticed the once tear stained face Holly had was filled with a beaming grin that allowed a few giggles to escape. “Thank you so much, Mister Caesar, you’re the best!”

“Zio,” Caesar kindly corrected however it made no sense to the primarily English raised child. Curse you Joseph for not allowing her to indulge more in her Italian heritage. “It means ‘uncle’ in Italian, which your mama and I both speak,” he added, clearing up the confusion that had built up.

Holly then nodded her head enthusiastically. “Ok, Zio! Thanks a ton!”

“It’s no problem, bambina, now I think it’s almost nine, no? We should finish off your story and have you asleep.” Moving back to the shameful stool, Caesar sat down and picked up the previously discarded book as Holly shifted underneath her sheets, her focus only trained onto the slowly disappearing bubbles and the quieting voice of Caesar, sleep quickly taking her in.

By the time the story was finished, the child was officially asleep and Caesar gave her one last careful once over before silently exiting the room, careful to close her door perfectly to not wake her up.

So this wasn’t really how he wanted to spend his Friday night, but Caesar wouldn’t have tried that single bonding moment for anything in the world.

#caesar zeppeli #holly joestar #joseph joestar #suzi q #request #jjba fanfic

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todomomofluff · 6 years

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One for all Ch 3, A BNHA future fanfic

Chapter 3: Kikyo Bakugo

"That kid...is a damn monster."

Kirishima frowned heavily to himself as he observed the unusually quiet figure of Bakugo sitting at his old desk. The last thing the redhead's friend had spoken to him left a very unnerving feeling deep inside himself, and it only continued to fester in him like a burning flame.

"For Bakugo's daughter, you sure are a quiet one, Kikyo-chan!"

Kirishima was brought back to realty at the sound of his wife Mina's voice who was with the rest of their class as they all greeted the girl known as Kikyo, Bakugo's newly introduced daughter. Said child hadn't even uttered a sound since her father had introduced her. From the moment her identity was revealed, the entire former class 1-A made it their mission to welcome the young one in an attempt to make her more comfortable and come out of the shell she'd been hiding in since she'd entered the classroom. However, not even Mina's bright and welcoming personality was enough to spark so much as a response from Kikyo.

"She's probably uncomfortable around all these strangers," Todoroki chimed in as he and Momo joined their group with their sons in tow, "Maybe we should let those her own age try instead."

At that, the Todoroki twins Rei and Hino walked up to the blond child, both with friendly smiles upon their faces.

"Hi! I'm Rei. What's your name?" Asked the white haired boy as he extended a hand towards Kikyo.

The young blond girl stared at the boys with emotionless crimson orbs before taking a quiet step away from both of them. Hino and Rei's faces both fell and they looked back to their parents in disappointment.

"Don't worry about it, boys. I'm sure she'll come around." Momo smiled and bent down as much as she could manage despite her pregnant body so she could also speak directly to Kikyo, "At any rate, it's wonderful to meet you, Kikyo-chan. We're all so happy to have you here."

Back over at his desk, Bakugo glanced at his child among his fellow heroes. Kikyo was looking away from everyone, almost as if she were ignoring everyone's voices as they were launched at her. Bakugo snorted to himself and turned his gaze away as if annoyed.

"...Hey man. Can we talk?"

Bakugo looked to the source of the voice that now stood beside him. Kirishima still held a very upset look on his face, only causing Katsuki's annoyance to increase.

"Tch." Bakugo clicked his tongue and turned his face away so he could avoid eye contact. Kirishima, unbothered by it, decided to take a seat in a chair next to the desk.

"Look, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I know this whole reunion really isn't your thing, and I'm sure a lot's happened- given all the time you just kinda disappeared from everyone. But..." Kirishima's voice trailed off into a disturbing silence as he thought carefully on how to continue.

Bakugo slightly turned his head back to the only classmate that he had ever been able to stand being around. The blond male could see small beads of sweat streaming down the redhead's face as he pondered to himself. Kirishima didn't need to say anything else. Bakugo already knew why Kirishima had come over.

"Look, I ain't gonna tell you every little goddamn thing that's happened over these last few months, so don't even ask me." Bakugo's voice, still as threatening as always, was barely even a whisper as started before Kirishima could find his own words. Katsuki leaned back in his chair and turned his eyes upward towards the ceiling, "...But I also know you ain't gonna go away until I tell you about Kikyo."

"Just tell me a couple things, dude." Kirishima started again, his face clouding over with anticipation as he moved his chair just a little closer towards Bakugo, "...Is she the reason you disappeared? Also, who's-"

"One fucking question at a time, dammit." Bakugo growled like a wolf before reaching into his jacket pocket for something. After digging around for a minute, he pulled out his wallet. The hot-tempered male then began digging around in that before whipping out a photograph. Without so much as a word, he tossed the photo on the desk Kirishima sat at.

Reluctantly, Eijiro leaned towards the photo slowly. His red eyes slowly widened as he took in what was on the picture.

"...That was how she looked, when she suddenly showed up at my doorstep a few months ago." Bakugo stated calmly, still refusing to look in his friend's direction.

In the photo appeared to be Kikyo. However, while her appearance now still looked quite ragged for a young child- her looks in the photo were far worst. She appeared to be laying in what looked like a hospital bed. The clothes covering her were torn, messy and stained with various colors of unknown origin. To add to it, the young child's hair was extremely long and flowed in all directions. But that wasn't even the most disturbing part. For some reason, what appeared to be test tubes were hooked up to various parts of Kikyo's body.

"...Where...was this taken?" Kirishima asked, picking up the photo to get a closer look at it.

"Even if I don't have a damn clue. To be perfectly straight with you..." Bakugo shot another glance at Kikyo across the room, "Even though she's my brat, I don't know hardly anything about her. Other than her quirk and the fact that wherever she was before she showed up at my place was a living fucking nightmare."

"Bakugo, I don't..." Kirishima shook his head, even more confused than before, "What the hell does this even mean?"

"Like I just said..." Bakugo's tone grew impatient as he reached out and snatched the photo back, "Long story short- a few months ago I was coming home after work. When I reached my apartment, there was this filthy looking brat literally on my doorstep...unconscious. Originally, I was just gonna call the cops but than she came to when I gave her a few shakes. And she handed me this shit, along with that photo I just showed you."

Again, Katsuki dug around in his pocket for something. He then showed what appeared to be a birth certificate of some kind. On it was Kikyo's name, her time of birth, and the name of her father...but no mother was listed. And it certainly wasn't any official document. Simply a data sheet with very little info about the child.

"What the hell even..." Kirishima looked up and down the page, desperately trying to make some sense out of what he was being told, "So she just...showed up one day and this is all you've got that tells you she's your kid? I mean, did someone dump her there or..."

"She won't tell me anything." Bakugo spoke, his eyes falling downward, "I've tried a million times to get her to tell me something about where she was before, who her mom is, and the whole rest of that shit...but she won't say anything. She just looks at me with those dead fish eyes of hers. All I could get her to tell me is she came to me because I was her dad and a hero."

"Let me get this straight- She randomly appeared on to you, unconscious and with a picture of herself and this poor excuse of a form of ID and that's all? Why didn't you...like, take her to child services or something?"

"Ever since she showed up, Kikyo's clung to me every single frickin' second of every day. Hell, I can't even leave the house to do my job anymore. No matter what I do, she sticks to me like glue." Bakugo rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue again.

Kirishima slowly nodded, his face more baffled than ever, "Okay...cute. But...agh, dammit! This doesn't make any damn sense!" Eijiro threw his arms in the air and scratched at his head furiously.

"You're telling me. Also, you noticed right? Those bruises on her arms and body."

Kirisihima stopped clawing at his scalp to recall back to when he spotted Kikyo scratching her arm and how it was covered in horrible looking marks. The rockhard quirk-user nodded at Bakugo.

"Those marks. Yeah, before you go and think I did something fucked up-"

Kirishima suddenly jumped from his seat, panic written on his face, "N-No way, man! I didn't think-" But Bakugo clamped a hand over his mouth, shutting him up.

"Listen, dammit! Her entire body's been fucked up like that since I got her. I took her to a doctor after a week of staying with me. According to him, those marks come from years of abuse and shit. I mean, no fucking shit, right. However, that ain't the main issue. Those bruises on her, they...didn't come from another person."

"What...do you mean?" Kirishima felt a lump form in his throat as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Bakugo pursed his lips tightly together for what seemed like hours before he finally choked out what he'd been hiding, "...Her quirk. Every one of those marks on her is a result of her power."

Kirishima's pupils grew small in fright.

Bakugo lifted a hand and looked at his palm, as if envisioning something, "When the doc looked at her, he didn't just check out her injuries...he had her show her quirk. That's...part of how I know...she's my kid, all right."

"So her quirk is explosions, like yours?"

"Yeah...only, more..." Bakugo's blood red eyes peered back at Kikyo who was now rubbing at her arms again, "...powerful. Wild. Look, as much as I absolutely hate to compare it to this, it's the only example I got. Remember how Deku destroyed his body because All Might's quirk was too strong for him back in the day?"

Kirishima nodded.

"It's...something like that. Kikyo can't use her quirk and NOT badly fuck herself up in the process. Whenever she sets it off, it's like a bomb explodes from within her body and outward. And unlike with mine, it's power isn't as controlled. It's literally straight up like she uses her own body parts like the bomb. Her body basically destroys itself every time her quirk is used. The power her quirk outputs just is too damn much for her stupid tiny ass self to handle. However, that ain't even half of it. Being as young as Kikyo is, the doc thought it really unusual for her quirk to be so...damn powerful and developed as it is. So, after some tests, the hospital concluded a reason for that."

Kirishima let his gaze drift back over to Kikyo who was attempting to break free of the crowd, "...And what reason is that?"

Bakugo bit his lip tightly before finally answering, " The doc said...that there was probably some tampering done to her quirk when she was still an infant. She was probably put through some effed up quirk experiments or given quirk-enhancing drugs whenever she had been before. And a lot of it too. Until her body grows bigger, Kikyo literally can't use her quirk. Like I said, if she does, it'll just destroy her. The proof is written all over her. That's why I got her wearing those long clothes. It'll at least hide those ugly bruises."

"Wait, you said...quirk experiments? Come to think of it, that sounds familiar..." Kirishima thought back to recent villain activity that had been occurring in the city lately. After a moment, it hit him. Kirishima snapped his fingers in conclusion, "Wait, there was that incident last month where a few pro heroes found a gang holed up in an abandoned warehouse. They were arrested under suspect of a possession of drugs to improve one's quirk full potential. Is that connected to Kikyo then?"

"Fuck if I know. But I've been trying to dig up some stuff on whatever facility she was in before, but haven't found a damn thing yet. So anyways, that's the story."

"So when you called her a monster..."

"She's a damn monster to HERSELF, dumbass. With her quirk as whacked out as it is, she's a menace." Bakugo ran a hand over his face as if trying to wipe away the exhaustion her felt from explaining Kikyo.

Kirishima shook his head, taken utterly aback. To think a small child as young as Kikyo could have been subjected to such horrendous things. At first glance, Kikyo even reminded Kirishima a bit of Eri back during the Overhaul incident years ago.

"Thanks for telling me, Bakugo." The redhead started, trying to flash a smile at his best friend, "I won't spread this around, don't worry."

"Better fucking not. Especially not to Deku. I know that bastard's gonna show up at some point today. Man, he's the last punk I wanna see at this crappy thing, tch." Bakugo stood up suddenly and started towards the room's exit. Without warning, he pushed through the crowd of his former classmates. Kikyo almost immediately followed after her father as he walked out.

"Eh? Bakugo, where you going?" Mina shouted.

"Yeah, you just got here!" Sero chimed.

"SHUT UP! I gotta go to the bathroom." Was all the angry blond growled as he exited the room with Kikyo in tow.

"Wow...there are so many things surprising about this, I can't even." Mina noted, looking between Hagakure, Momo, and Tsuyu who all nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, Kirishima still sat back at his desk, his hand placed over his mouth as he was lost deep in thought over the things Bakugo had just told him.

"...Why the hell you following me? If you gotta go too, go on your own." Bakugo could feel his right eye beginning to twitch out of annoyance as he listened to the sound of tiny footsteps echoing directly behind him.

"...I'm sorry." Was all Kikyo replied in yet another quiet tone.

"Tch..." Bakugo continued walking in silence until finally, they reached a bathroom. He looked over his shoulder at his daughter and pointed at the girl's bathroom, "Go in that one. You're fricking old enough that you should at least be able to go to the bathroom by yours-" Suddenly, Katsuki felt the words catch in his throat at the sight reflected in his blood-colored eyes.

Kikyo had one of her long sleeves rolled up, revealing battered, purple and blue skin. She used her other hand to rub her arm up and down as if she had an incurable itch. The little girl's expression was empty as could be but the beads of sweat that were formed on her face indicted she was feeling some discomfort.

Bakugo held his silence for a moment before he slowly shut his mouth. The man slowly turned his eyes away from his daughter, his face becoming completed hidden to her. After yet another minute, Bakugo swallowed and parted his lips,

"...On second thought, just...follow me all right. Don't you dare give me shit or you'll know what black and blue really looks like, ya get me?"

Kikyo stopped rubbing her arm and nodded rapidly before what almost seemed like excitingly following her father as they entered the restroom together.

Once in, it was decided Kikyo would go first, while Bakugo waited (in the event she needed any help).

"Just hurry up, dammit. I ain't got all day, brat."

"Yes, Pa-"

"NOPE! Don't you fucking dare, kid. You remember what I said about not calling me Dad, Papa or any of that nasty shit, right?"

Kikyo nodded inside the stall as she peered at her father between the gaps of the stall door, "...Yes, sir."

Bakugo rolled his eyes.

After a few minutes, the sound of a flushing toilet echoed the bathroom soon followed by the opening of the stall door.

"...All done." Kikyo mumbled in a tiny voice as she waddled up to Bakugo and grabbed part of his jacket.

Bakugo responded by pulling away from her and walking into the next stall, "Dammit, wash you filthy hands before you touch shit, kid. Learn some manners, for fuck's sake."

"Ok." She mumbled as she went to do as she was told.

Bakugo sat in the stall silently, also peering at his daughter's back through the gaps. He thought back to the things he told Kirishima about her, and also the pitiful look he noticed his friend wear as he had listened about Kikyo.

"...Hey." Bakugo's threatening voice echoed a bit too loud throughout the small bathroom.

Kikyo jumped a little in surprise but turned in the direction the voice came from, "Yes?"

"...You...uh..." Bakugo felt a feeling of unbearable irritation creeping up on him as he tried to talk to Kikyo. This happened literally anytime he tried to deal with her, and it disgusted Katsuki to no end. Still, he ignored it this time and pressed on, "...Your, uh, bruises and shit. They...hurt like a bitch, yeah?"

Kikyo rubbed her other arm and glanced at the marks scattered all over her skin, "...No."

"Don't lie to me, brat."

"I'm sorry..."

"For fuck's sake..." Bakugo scratched his head rapidly before sighing heavily, "Look, if it hurts than say something! Maybe the nurse's office has some crap that they can put on your arms or..."

"No, I'm really fine." Kikyo shook her head and held two clenched fists against her chest. Just as Bakugo was about to yell out again, the next thing his daughter spoke out was enough to immediately quiet him, "It doesn't hurt when I'm near you, Papa-I mean, Ba...Bakugo-san."

Though no one could see it at that moment, for the first time in his life, a curious expression had painted itself on the hot-temped male's face. A hint of red was dusted just on the edges of Bakugo's cheeks as he took in what was said. After a moment, however, the man's expression returned to the normal gruff one before he snarled in response,

"...Dumb kid."

Somewhere else, a few miles away from U.A. was what appeared to be an abandoned building located in the back alleys of the city. A common place for villains to gather and trade information.

"This is the only information I could get on her, sir. My apologies." Spoke a man as he handed a photograph over to a taller male standing in front of him.

The second man took the photo in hand. The corners of his lips curled upward in a disturbing manner as he looked at the little girl in the photo. Her hair was a dirty blond and her eyes were bloody red. Two traits that were all too familiar to the man now holding the image.

"Well, isn't that interesting. Looks like the rumors were true. All Might would be absolutely in tears if he could see this now." The man tucked the photo into his jacket pocket. "Well, I guess of Todoroki can have a child by this point, so can Kacchan. Time certaintly changes things, now doesn't it." He let out a chuckle than ran his gloved fingers through his curly dark green hair.

"U-um, sir. If I could ask a question..." Asked the first man as he watched his boss turn and start away from him.

The boss responded in a kind tone, "Of course. What is it?"

"We, uh...We're really gonna do it? Attack U.A.?" The lackey's voice was filled with anxiety as he feared angering his boss with his question.

The boss stopped walking and looked over his shoulder so he could flash a twisted smile, "Why, yes. That is the plan. And today's the only day we can do it. Do you know why, Rijin-san?"

The man named Rijin swallowed hard and nervously shook his head.

The boss turned back around and ran his thumb across one of his freckled cheek, wiping what seemed like red paint off his skin. As he looked down at the red droplet now on the back of his thumb, his smile widened and his eyes glimmered, "...Because today is a much anticipated reunion for some of the best students to have ever attended the pro-hero academy known as U.A.. Some of the best top pro heroes will be in attendance; such as Icy-Blaze, Dark Shadow...even Ground Zero." Upon mention of the last name, the twinkle in the speaking male's eyes seemed to intensify for a moment.

"Y-Yes, but...isn't that exactly why this mission is too dangerous to-"

"It is exactly BECAUSE those heroes will be there, that we must attack today." The boss turned around and began walking towards Rijin. In response, Rijin began backing away in fear until his back hit a wall. The boss's steps echoed on the concrete below him in a spine-chilling sound. With each footstep, Rijin's heart skipped every other beat.

"U.A. had dealt with plenty of villain attacks in the past, and each one ended in failure. However, this time...it will be different." The boss now stood a mere few inches away from Rijin who had sunk down onto the ground in paralyzed terror.

"I-I...h-how will it...be different, s-sir...?" Rijin managed to ask.

Suddenly, a street light that hung overhead of the two men sparked on, revealing the smiling face of the boss peering down at his underling.

"...How...you ask?"

Teeth clenched in utter delight as the boss grinned from ear to ear.

"Because I...am here."

Author's comments: Well, it certainly took long enough to update this and for those who actually liked my crappy writing from the last 2 chapters, I'm soooo sorry D:

But better late than never. Actually, thanks to some very nice reviews I recently got from last chapter, I suddenly got inspiration to finish this chapter so THANK YOU.

I'm so sorry if this one is...all over the place or confusing. I tried to throw out a little info about Kikyo but I know it's probably really confusing. I always get really good ideas for characters in my head but when I try to put them into proper words, it comes out a hot mess lol I will be going into more detail about Kikyo and her past later though. For now, please bare with me .

Please leave a review and let me know what you guys thought! Next chapter may feature some others that haven't rly popped up yet, such as Kaminari or someone. I'll figure it out once I get there.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #katsuki bakugo #Kirishima Eijirou #fanfiction #next generation #todoroki shouto #momo yaoyorozu #mina ashido #aizawa shouta

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gamerelitegen-blog · 7 years

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flauntpage · 7 years

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Meet the Mexican Soccer Team Taking on Fan Homophobia

If you've seen the Mexican national soccer team in person, or even watched it on television, the chant likely won't have escaped you. Whenever the opposing goalkeeper settles the ball onto the grass to take a goal kick and takes a few paces back, the crowd readies and the volume builds.

Ooooooooooooh…

The goalkeeper lunges forward and launches the ball upfield.

Putoooo!

Puto is a deeply offensive word. It means male prostitute, but it's probably even more derogatory than calling someone a "fag." There is no possible justification for ever using it, but it has seeped into Mexican soccer culture. In fairness, it's also been heard elsewhere in the Western Hemisphere, including in the United States.

The slur, and its ongoing use, underscore why the Zorros Club de Futbol Gay exists. In a country where homophobia is still a part of the social fabric, a gay soccer team isn't merely a safe place to play, or a personal support system. It becomes other, bigger things almost by necessity: a political statement, and a modern, public counterweight to age-old prejudice.

"We have that problem and it's really hard," says Nicolas Pineda, one of the founders of the Zorros. "I think we are very bad. For example, FIFA fined the Mexican Football Federation for the shouts of machismo at sporting events, and in response, federation officials said that this is 'something normal' in Mexico. Of course it is not. If they do not accept that there is a problem we can hardly move forward to eradicate it."

The puto chant has been defended on these incomprehensible grounds for years by a lot of people who ought to know better. Like other slurs, it has been deemed non-offensive by many simply because it's commonly used—as if something can't be insulting because, hey, everybody says it and you hear it a lot.

In this bigoted sporting climate, the Zorros emerged in 2013, born out of a team called Tri Gay. That was a sort of gay Mexican national team—the regular national team is nicknamed "El Tri"—that appeared in the 2012 International Gay and Lesbian Football Association's World Championships in Mexico City. Today, the Zorros have three teams that play a seven-a-side variation of soccer, a faster game on a smaller field, on urban Astroturf pitches all over Mexico City. The teams are active in an all-gay league in the capital and the surrounding Mexico province, because a regular league would make for uncomfortable arenas.

From May 26 through June 4, the Zorros will be making their international debut, venturing north of the border during a time of strained political relations to compete in the 2017 World OutGames in Miami.

The Zorros were formed in 2013. Photo courtesy of the team

Much of the team is made up of cash-strapped college students, so to help pay their way, the Zorros held an online fundraiser. They easily hit their goal of $1,000—covering a single member's expenses. But several players were denied visas—likely on account of insufficient demonstrable income, the Zorros suspect, which makes them a perceived risk for overstaying would-be visas—and so the team had to scramble to find four replacement players to make up a full roster.

The source of most of those fundraiser donations were a different sort of reality check. "It is important to note that most of the people that helped us didn't come from Mexico," says Pineda. "It's something that didn't feel so good."

The bulk of the money came from the U.S. An American team from Florida also offered to provide water and equipment. Both gestures were heartening, but also show how long a road the Zorros still have to travel in their home country to help bring about genuine acceptance.

While the Zorros haven't had many incidents during and around their games in Mexico, they also have sought to avoid them. "We had some problems two years ago when the other team—heterosexual, of course—they insulted us," says Pineda. "It's the machismo. We've been bullied in our social networks by Mexicans. The machismo here in Mexico is a problem that we have in all the sports, not only in football."

Now that the Zorros have begun gaining some attention from the Mexican media, comment sections and their social media pages have become a free-for-all for unchecked hate.

The Zorros hope to medal at this week's World OutGames in Miami. Photo courtesy of the team

In a survey, few of the players reported having been discriminated against on the field because of their sexuality, although many had homophobic slurs hurled at them at one time or another. Still, the team doesn't feel that it would be entirely safe to enter into a regular league. "I do not agree with self-segregation," says Rod, a 28-year-old forward on the team. "But for the moment it is the solution for many. If homophobia disappears we should not be divided into sports."

The Zorros face deeply ingrained stereotypes. "Some athletes believe that sports are exclusively for heterosexuals and see LGBT society as inferior people, incapable of having a sport-worthy level," says Alfonso, 26, a defender.

"Once a coach yelled 'This is for men,'" adds Freddy, a 38-year-old forward.

Amidst this vitriol, the squad has become a kind of soccer-playing support group. "The first principle is friendship," says Pineda. "More than a team, we try to build a family, a group with values." The players are anywhere from 17 to 38 years old and are in very different places along their journey of acceptance. Anybody can play, with their skills matched to one of the three teams. And players don't have to be out of the closet to join. If they worry that signing up for a gay team in a gay league will publicize what they might not yet have told their loved ones, players can opt out of having their names on the public rosters or their pictures on team social media in order to protect their privacy.

"Our goal is not only to gain acceptance as much in Mexican society but in the gay players that don't know how to accept themselves," says Pineda, who came out of the closet when he moved to Mexico City to go to college when he was 21. "We make this environment for friendship and safety. With us they are not obligated to say they are gay, and they feel comfortable in the team. After that, they can get out of the closet."

The primary point is to make players feel safe, comfortable, and loved. The team is a place where you can focus on and enjoy soccer without worrying about anything else. "Because I like football, it seemed a better idea to do it with people who are like me," says Marck Palacios, a 29-year-old forward.

But alongside that, there's competition. The Zorros have big ambitions. They hope to medal at the World OutGames. And then they want to make it to the Gay Games in Paris in 2018 and the EuroGames in Rome in 2019.

That could be the most important piece for the Zorros. They want to be as successful as possible on an international stage, because success—even in a niche segment of a variation of a major sport—could bring positive attention. And positive attention could, in turn, help normalize homosexuality in a country where homophobic chants are the norm. Normalcy leads to acceptance. "It's going to be really good for the community," Pineda says.

Mexico is evolving into a country that's more tolerant of different sexual orientations, albeit slowly. Eventually, the onus will be on the homophobes to adapt. "We talk about a barrier that I think is changing, the world is already more open," Alfonso says. "Machismo must change to fit our current society."

"It's difficult, but I think it's somehow generational," Palacios says. "There's going to be a point where it's going to end and there will be better coexistence and acceptance."

To help speed the process along, the Zorros want to shatter stereotypes, including one of gays being unathletic. "On our side it only remains to show that we are at the level of anyone and that no matter race or sexual orientation, we can compete as equals," says Sixto Mitre, a 26-year-old midfielder. "Our goal is to give the community confidence so that they know that football and sport in general is for everyone."

"It is evidence that homosexuality is not any kind of incapacity or punishment of God but we are normal people and we can play football against anyone," says Ivan, 20, a forward on the team.

The Zorros aren't just here to win soccer games. They're here to convince their country that anyone can win soccer games.

"For me, Zorros is important since we not only play for a result on the scoreboard, but for the young people who are looking to generate change in society and want to start with themselves ," says 29-year-old midfielder Neth Saucedo. "Visibility helps us to raise awareness."

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