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#and why im always tired no matter what
arcosoffireheart · 2 years
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Head empty only.... chronic fatigue
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#tw suicide#no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family.#puddleglum hours#personal#its just i was thinking.#tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night.#and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed.#they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just.#what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here.#but i don't want to. i need them to save me#because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in#hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then.#at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me!#but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always.#i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way.#hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think.#because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters#and sometimes i just want to die.#im so tired of living guys. why#editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there#so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least
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soonhoonsol · 7 months
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you guys ever get tired of friends who only talk about themselves? how do you respectfully tell them off?
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natjennie · 3 months
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sorry i havent been very active lately I've been having a real shit couple days idk why
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altschmerzes · 2 months
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getting real tired of people who are shitting on “found family” more generally as a narrative concept and specifically named familial dynamics in fan interpretation of characters in particular because it all seems to be getting painted with a really wide and really homogenous brush. “we need to take found family away from people because they think it all has to be In Nuclear Family Terms and do you know friendship exists and you don’t have to call these characters siblings to legitimize their relationship while making it clear you Don’t Ship Them Ew Gross and THEN you sneer at people who Do ship them” cool cool that is a lot of really intense characterization and assigning of motive to other people en bloc!
like sure there’s some meaningful critique to be found in a broad trend to label every single relationship directly and specifically with terms that have very specific contexts and roles but im waiting to be told when anyone IS by the standards of people making and reblogging these very sweepingly generalized posts allowed to call a relationship parental or whatever. is that Ever allowed. who is handing out the permits. sometimes a specific term for a relationship isn’t actually about wanting an excuse to sneer about your ship (and frankly there’s a lot of projection going on there imo from people who are actively sneering about other people’s interpretation of a relationship!) and it’s because there are very specific contexts and details about a dynamic that makes exploring it from the lens of siblings or whatever very rich and compelling and interesting because words mean things and assuming everyone is just being reductive and demanding conformity to a nuclear family is, ironically, really reductive.
so like. cool it. stop being really fucking mean about people having an interpretation of a dynamic you personally don’t like or makes you feel a little weird or uncomfy because you ship them.
#gav gab#im so tired of seeing people do this lmao#is someone actually being reductive and trying to get your ship labeled ‘basically incest’#or did they just express on their own blog that they don’t ship something bc they see those characters as siblings#so it feels weird to them#you know#the exact personal preference and interpretation you’re expressing in the opposite#it’s all ‘UGH not every relationship NEEDS A SPECIFIC LABEL’ as soon as the label isn’t romantic lmao#like amazing of you to start caring about how friendship matters as is legitimate without anything else#as soon as it’s not about your fucking ship anymore :)#be real you do not care about friendship lmao you can just dismiss it more easily and comfortably#when people aren’t using terms that are more loaded to your ship#are the big meanie found family enjoyers actually harassing you for shipping fake incest#or are you just uncomfortable when it is not about you#and chronically unwilling to curate your experience the way you demand other people to#because fandom has always catered to shipping and why should it ever Not be expected to do that#bc I sure see a lot of shit talking of familial dynamic labels based on people who use those labels being weird to other people#and not a lot if any of those people actually being weird to shippers#and one or two isolated incidents is not indicative of a widespread problem#do what everyone who doesn’t like a popular ship does and unfollow and block lmfao grow up
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bixiaoshi · 4 months
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everyday im like i need to learn how to draw and then i just don't start
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lith-myathar · 7 months
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#really really hate how thoughtless and oblivious i can be to my own bad behavior#ill know something is important or that a shouldn't do a particular thing#but over time and assumptions and small acts of carelessnes shit just....fades and accumulates and one day#i look up and ive done something very stupid and hurt someone else#and i didn't feel it happening#my mind will take things and hide them from me is what it feels like. ill know they're there but it fades into the background noise#i am hard on the things in my life including people and relationships. and i am always so vulnerable to my own fuckin lmfao inattentivenes#this is why i struggle so much with the idea of ever having an intimate partner or children. it doesn't matter how much i care.#eventually and inevitably i do damage.#and i know consciously that people make mistakes and all you can do is try to course correct and make it right. but it's better#not to hurt anyone in the first place and i really don't know if i will ever be capable of that.#trying to convince myself this kind of shit is growing pains but man. man. i can't stop being what i am and it really#really feels sometimes like i am just destined to break and neglect#but then that ''im broken'' thing feels like trying to dodge around taking responsibility and improving. and i should be better than that.#but god how tf are you supposed to stop dissociating from the reality of what you're doing when you're. dissociated.#all i can ever think to do is isolate#*sigh* guys i think i might need to graduate to therapy with a trauma specialist#or adjust my medication. god. im so tired.#why is it so gd hard to be a normal decent person. it doesn't seem hard but then
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Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...
They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.
I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...
If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.
#clover speaks#clover vents#its ok they said just do whats best for you they said#and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me#and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass#it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap#its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice#they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards#even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me#its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder#i get the look aways and the silence#they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to#i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE#FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON#IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS#i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what#im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose#as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot#fuck allistic people man#im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe...#im never safe i will never be safe#im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it#no matter what i do or how much i try to express it#i feel things i love people im not a robot#this hurts so much...#sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any#i dont want or need any more allistic judgement
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shadowedvales · 1 month
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when jane dies, the government recovers her body without anyone’s knowledge in order to study it and do their own experiments. she had a funeral, was lowered into the ground, but no one knew she wasn’t in the coffin. her body was removed in the morgue and replaced with a fake, just like will’s. pieces of her are sent out to various facilities, her organs, eyes, brain, etc are separated for research purposes. overtime, pieces of her get lost in transfers, small fragments like a tooth or strands of hair, but all still janessa ives. even in death she can’t be left alone. after about six months, sam owens discovers the truth of what happened to her body, and always a big advocator for jane to live a normal life, does his best to track down what remains of her body. in the process, he, and his people succeed in shutting down some of the facilities that illegally claimed possession of her. within a few months he salvages as much of her as he can; it’s not everything, but it’s majority of what’s left. he does tell those who were closest to jane, so they can have a proper burial. she’s instead buried in a mausoleum, both out of respect for what she did in her life, and a further layer of protection for her in the afterlife.
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lovestryke · 5 months
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i think if you grew up in my household you would have put a gun to my mom and dad's heads already
#help i came home and they got so ballistic that i didnt say hi to them#after my 9 months of driving myself home and entering the house from work not once have they urged a greeting out of me#why the hell do they care now???#like mom got so mad and i was like um ok * goes back to watching danny gonzalez * then i get shouted at to come to parents room#and im like siiiighhh let me put on my jacket i know this will be a while#and im just getting yelled at and standing there like. is the song and dance over yet. can i get back to my computer#and my dad is like your MOM and I DONT TREAT YOU GUYS LIKE THAT#and im just in my head like.....you give us greetings rather than treating us like human beings.....ok....i would prefer the respect rather#than the greetings....#and my dads like whenever I come home I always greet everyone#and its like. yeah ? i can think of a few times where you havent but it doesnt matter when its you right#oh you can come home and greet everyone yeah but can you treat us with respect? are you capable of not having everyone groan when they hear#your car horn that indicates you're home? do you have the ability to not make everyone hide and vacate to their rooms when they hear your#key unlocking the door? no? then i dont care about the fact you can say hi to everyone#and mom is like lecturing me and my sister about not cleaning as well and its like hi what about your husband#hi maybe you should question why we cant clean our rooms#maybe its the fact you never taught us how to organize or how often to clean? did you know you've never taught us how to properly clean?#did you know i cant clean without a timer? are you aware that your eldest daughter that gives you attitude and promised to be mean when#she's taking care of you in your last years of life doesnt clean whatsoever? the 26 year old that acts just like your husband? the one whos#only chore is to wash dishes and doesnt even do that? she complains shes too tired because of work but even on her off days she doesnt do i#? do you remember that she only does the dishes when she's going out with a boy? do you remember the 3 months where i took it upon myself t#do everyones chores because i had the time? the way you dont acknowledge i helped out a lot during that time and helped keep peace through#the house by doing that? you dont because you love to focus on the negatives and as a result you make your own life miserable#and everyone else's?especially mine because im the one who actually feels guilt? but dont do it bc im tired of doing someone else's work?
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widevibratobitch · 5 months
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#vent post vent post lalalala#i wanted to post some pictures from my weekend trip with my friends before its too late but then i saw my fucking face and now i wanna kms#like oh my god. oh my god this is really truly the face im stuck with forever and ever and ever till the day im fuckin rotting in the groun#incredible how unfair life can be lmao (<- girl who is having such incredibly superficial stupid fucking problems but is otherwise#quite privileged but of course that will never be fucking enough for her because she's soooooo fckn stupid and selfish and annoyinggg lol)#i dont know why im so obsessed with it now#like i genuinely remember KNOWING that im kinda ugly (and fat) in high school and being like 'so what lol idc'#so WHY is it such an issue now?????#idk. i just kinda wish i was dead every time i look at my face and realise there's nothing i can do to change it#i can dress in ways that will cover my ugly ass shapeless body. maybe i can even go back to my ed properly this time#and lose some weight. for a time. before i gain back twice as much and the circle begins anew lol#but my face is not gonna change no matter what i do lmao unless i fucking scrape it off with a grater or smash my head into pieces#and like. even if i do get that rhinoplasty (its not gonna change my faceshape anyway. nothing i can do to fix THAT fuckin atrocity)#every time ill look in the mirror i will only be reminded that its fake. and that my natural face was disgusting enough it had to be cut up#to be fixed somewhat.#i just wish i had ONE. just ONE nice thing about my body. literally just one its not even funny lol#and its so fucked up when you look at my mom who was so insanely fucking beautiful when she was my age. like. i cant blame her#cause how could she have known that the genes she'll pass on will not result in anything good lol but also i feel like such a failure#like its not really my fault i got the genes i got. but yknow.#anyway im tired of always being the ugliest person in any group im hanging out with. my cousins? check. my hometown friends? check.#my uni friends? my GOD check (how ARE they all so pretty and skinny??? insane).#god i wish i were dead. like fr fr. im not actively suicidal since i cant bring myself to *do* shit anyway. but i just wish i never existed
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kellystar321 · 1 year
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#vent#periodical life updates#OUGHGKJHR IM SO FUCKIGN TIRED!!! i did my two final projects and one of them was late but god fucjgign whatever and i look at my stupid#canvas calendar and apparently while i was doing that i missed two other assignments and discussion boards and im SO TFIGIFJNNG TIRED#I CANT WORK ANYMORE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO TIRED. THEY'RE JUST THERE AND THE DEADLINES WERE WRONG AND ITS SO MUCH.#AND IT NEVER FCKING STOPS AND /GODDAMNIT I JUST REALIZED I MISSED DAILY ECA/ FCKGIGJNG SHT OF COURSE I DID GOD#I NEVER HAVE TIME ANYMORE I NEVER GET TO DO WHAT I WANT AND IM SO ANGRY. WHY WAS I FORCED TO DO FOUR CLASSES. I CANT DO FOUR CLASSES.#theres too much goddamn work and i cant do it!! i have two more essays! i have two discussion boards for environmental and another for a#different class and more assignments on top of that AND WHEN CAN EVERYONE SHUT UP AND STOP I DONT CARE ANYMORE I WANT TO BE DONE#AND THIS ISNT EVEN DONE!! BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO MORE FCKING CLASSES IF EVERYONE WANTS ME TO BE A COMPUTER FCKING SCIENCE MAJOR SO BADLY#AND MY SHT WONT TRANSFER AND WHAT DOES IT FCKING MATTER ANYMORE. IM EXHAUSTED AND ITS ALWAYS MORE WORK AND WHO FCKING CARES ANYMORE#IM SO FCIGJGN ANGRY I HATE COLLEGE I HATE THIS WHOLE SYSTEM AND IM SO TIRED ALL THE TIME AND I NEVER GET TO REST!! YOU THINK YOU'RE FINALLY#FINISHED AND THERES ALWAYS FCKIGNG MORE WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE OVER WHEN AM I DONE WHEN AM I /DONE!!!!/#i hate everything everything is bad and i cant even say the truth to anyone ever. no one fucking gets it. no one fucking talk to me anymore
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illogicalghost · 6 months
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shout out to permanent dark under-eye circles. gotta be one of my favorite genders
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piplupod · 6 months
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people defending their precious white man of the week and ignoring BIPOC pointing out his racism Yet Again. i'm so tired. i'm so tired. i'm so tired!!!!!!
#im literally shaking right now im so fucking mad#''he's not racist what are u talking about show me proof''#[one google later] oh wow i found all this proof with literally one attempt at googling. crazy. i wonder why u couldnt find that on ur own#and then they say ''no he said this thing so its fine :)'' i go look at the thing. it is white saviourism. again. as always#''he's keeping the culture alive :)'' he is twisting it beyond recognition actually. he just took it and ran with it.#and now he's trying to cover his ass!#and white ppl will just eat that shit up lmfao.#''wow what a mature response'' says his adoring audience and his response is literally just ''i can do what i want bc im white''#i will not get involved in the replies of a post. but man. i'm fucking livid. literally shaking right now.#im so fucking tired of anti-indigenous racism being brushed aside like it doesnt matter#yall just bulldozed us all over and then tried to wipe us out when we didnt respect yall and now you continue to fuck us over#and then get upset when we try to say we would like A FEW THINGS TO OURSELVES. INCREDIBLE#the white ''i need access to everything all the time no matter what'' attitude is SOOOO blatant#this isnt even going into his antisemitism lmfaoooo#literally a list a mile long and ppl still plug their ears and close their eyes and yell LALALALA IM NOT LISTENINGGGG#also here's your necessary ''not all white people''. i know. i'm aware. theres some good ones sure but they shouldnt need to be coddled#and reassured every time somebody complains about white people general behaviour. let me complain!!! its a pattern of behaviour!!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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zelzahdarkcloak · 1 year
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I contain multitudes, but at what cost?
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anyasters · 8 months
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it resonated so hard, I'm polyam/aroace and it was just like. some twt users have permanent main character syndrome so bad, dnf in gay romantic love and other people using their brains to acknowledge the obvious is not oppressing us, please go read the wiki on occam's razor and then touch grass (okay sorry ty for letting me use your asks to vent 🫶)
no ur so right don’t apologize! i need to start just replying to silly shit with the occam’s razor wiki link bc like it simply does not ever need to be so fucking complicated lmao. but at the end of the day it doesn’t even matter bc we already won 😭💚 dnf in gay romantic love we did it joe
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