#and yet it could have been much worse
Text
Kinn, in Episode 14, about to murder some bitches:
(Sorry, sorry, sorry)
#kinnporsche#kinnporsche crack#mile#man suang#or is it#mansuang#(from the emoji promo mile and apo did recently)#ep 14#idk why I had to make this#just... kinn's smile in this scene was scary#and yet it could have been much worse#haha
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
*remembers Wesker didn't have his finger on the trigger*
#the amount of times he's aimed a gun at chris and could have ended it then and there but didn't#'because of plot' yes however he could have shot him in the shoulder or a bullet could have grazed him#he could have shot him and Chris could have easily survived/recovered from#wesker had a knife that he could have used but didn't#was there EVER a time Wesker actually did enough injury to make Chris bleed?#he probably would have done when smacking him around in CV but bc of the game's graphics we wouldn't see it#there's never been a time where he actually seriously wounds Chris#he just chokes/punches/kicks/throws him#the worst Chris would get from him is a few bruises and mocking comments and monologuing#he could have done so much worse with ease yet he didn't#considering he hates Chris he really doesn't try to hurt him that much#chrisker
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED#I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn#so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and#I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but#SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad#I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for#herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean#I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to#I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore#I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit#is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD#I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it#so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive#I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Kang Yo Han is the walking embodiment of I'm Not Okay (I Promise) and relates to Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge far more than is healthy. In this essay I will-
#twabbbiih's edit#tdj#the devil judge#tw blood#kang yohan#kang yo han#a character study via legendary emo classic Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge#I put so much effort into this I really hope the fandom enjoys it#I know I don't exactly go here in a big way but guys please#girl does a tdj rewatch for the fun of it and spirals so far into making bad edits she has to try and figure out how to just get the text#from an album cover to make a mock one like some unhinged loser who barely knows how editing software works#you guys have NO IDEA#I spent an entire night pestering mid-n0vember about how this album is perfect for KYH 2 years ago and so finally I did something about it#to the end has especially been rattling around my brain for WAY TOO LONG because that is not a house or home to KYH#it's a constant reminder of the people he's lost and the horrors he suffered due to the utter shithead that was his father#ive been debating between 2 edits i did for that song for two nights and I've ended up picking the more literal one because I didn't want#too many close up images of peoples faces for this. but just know there is a file on this laptop of kyh crying while hes literally haunted#by memories of his father#I really did try to use a shot from the knife scene for the album cover because it would have been SO GOOD as a mirror to the original albu#however my editing skills are not good enough to make the background less distracting and I'm working with not HD images so it looked worse#so a moments silence for what could have been#no one asked but its 2am and that means oversharing so#Interlude absolutely had to be the on a line by itself because despite everything else going on with KYH keeping Elijah save is Rule One#it's supposed to kind of overshadow everything else because keeping her safe and unaware of Certain Things absolutely does for him#whether it actually translates is a different matter#kgo being on his knees (yet again) is what swung it for that picture otherwise it would have been kyh looking on as jae hee grabs her
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mmmhh...
#(Basically rant on my last two posts)#I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying–#but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind.#I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚#in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚#especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable.#Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11#(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have)#and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse–#in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work.#If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow.#Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!!#It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now#I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog–#and that's a little too much even for me.#On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog–#when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share#On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully.#Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest–#in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else–#for everyone to see...#The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day)#((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.))#That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out#Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog#Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
I literally just do not understand how full grown ass adults go thru life like this. 0 self reflection. 0 concern about the impact of their behaviours on others. Continuing said behaviours even when they're pointed out as hurtful. Like????
#the duality of fran#idk its like the every few months i realize i sort of forgive my parents#bc things could be much worse#and they didnt MEAN to be hurtful. theyre just immature and selfish#they're not deliberately being like that#like their behaviour comes from a place of hurt and insecurity#and Yet its been pointed out SOOOO many times how bad it has affected me#and theyre always so guilt trippy woe is me when it's brought up#and maybe theyre trying. but honestly folks???? I DONT SEE ANY PROGRESS#like I cant cut them off i need somewhere to live + need somewhere to fall back on#once i move out. in case yknow. financial disaster (sh we are not thinking about my fears of financial instability that they left me with)#but like. ffs. ffs yall. I AM SO ANGRY#AND HURT#and im tired of being angry and hurt about stuff that isnt ever going to CHANGE#its a wound you know is there but it vant ever heal it just. prods and prods and prods#like the tldr of u can have a severely traumatizing shitty upbringing without ur parents being actually abusive#and it just adds this extra layer of guilt and complicated feelings on top of it all#like#please. just get a fuckin divorce. oh my god. also maybe dont have four kids while barely above the poverty line.#and then harp on your kids for every single perceived flaw or financial burden they incur. just. yknow. a thought
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s weird how much lighter my life feels now. not that i don’t have any issues (because there are many in my life, as i am sure there are in yours), but they’re just so much more manageable than they were a year ago.
what’s more; i love myself now. i may not be perfect. but i am trying my best, and i can tell that i am! i see myself in the mirror, and sometimes i just examine myself, and my features, and i smile. i feel so much more authentic when talking to people, not worrying about how they view me, because i don’t have to anymore. i wish i could’ve told 15-year old me just how good it’s gotten so far, i know that he would’ve loved hearing about the shitty sideburns we’re growing out right now :’)
#it gets better :)#i used to think that transitioning medically wouldn’t lessen the sadness and depression i felt#and to some degree it is still there since t isn’t a cure all#but by the gods it is so much fucking easier to deal with everything#when a major reason for my mental health being the way it was has been abated#it’s like the fog cleared enough for me to actually see the road i’m driving on#instead of assuming blindly that i won’t crash#once i get top surgery.#idk. i wonder if things will be even easier?#i’m almost a year in and already my life feels so much brighter. yeah there’s problems with keeping the house. and yeah#i don’t have an income yet and i don’t know if the internship will even be in the cards for me#but. i just feel that everything will work out. enough for me to enjoy the time i have here :)#sorry i am being sappy but god! i love and i love! so much now!! i feel so much and i enjoy nearly every day despite the Issues#the world is getting worse but still i find reasons to love and live#so maybe one day it will get better? maybe one day my love will have helped even#if you’re reading. i love you. even if you’re just a follower#even if we’re mutuals that haven’t talked before#i think about you often. i wonder where my oldest mutual went after they stopped posting years ago#i don’t think i can forget. and i love you. and i wish i. could give you a hug. we all need one from time to time#i love the friends i’ve made and the friends i’ve had. i love. and this past year has opened up my floodgates of emotion
60 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about frankenstein's monster again, not anything in particular just kinda brain rotating him like he's the well liked side character of a bad shonen anime
#i'm always thinking about jekyll and hyde though i've been obsessed with those guys since i was way younger#but mister frankenstein's monster has wormed his way into my heart#i'm much too sleepy right now to finish it but when i wake up i hope to continue a video i was watching about the original novel#the concept of frankenstein's monster itself just astounds me it's so great#just everything about it#it feels like a commentary of sorts and maybe it is maybe it isn't#i thought to be thy adam but i am rather the fallen angel#victor is his creator and while not necessarily his god the monster is HIS adam#while the monster had to learn the customs of man he did not truly have to learn how to be man itself#he was created with emotion and the abilities man posses#all he ever wanted was to live and as a creature born with the passion to live amongst men as much as any other man he couldn’t#a hell within itself#and a hell that he did not deserve#a tragedy he could not help and a series of tragedies that overcame him#to not be able to be loved by man and yet be surrounded by him is a worse fate than death#he surely would have rather never lived at all#or maybe been invisible to man entirely#i have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe#if i cannot satisfy the one i will indulge the other#he is a creature of emotion cursed to a life of blind rage#in any other world would he have met a different fate? not at all#man cannot change and he cannot change how he first perceived man and how he was perceived by him#maybe im crazy though#i am crazy im a crazy person!!!#nimposting
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
between her reaction to raphael and this shit, i could very well buy victoria going to shadowheart in the night seeking penance. confessing the full picture of her sins - her crimes of thought and act, i killed the bard, i think i have killed countless others, maybe it is better that my past stays lost to me -- asking, in her capacity as a cleric of shar, that she deliver the clarity of pain and punishment like abdi.rak could not.
#* ooc.#nonsexual s/m u feel me. u understand.#consensual but not safe or sane ceRTAINLY--#there's really... really something to be said for the appeal of shar's doctrine when who you are is a gaping hole in your chest#she *is* loss. she is the very *avatar* of loss.#and she's been trying to claw back what she could; knowledge. arcane capability. control.#but maybe it's better she doesn't get any stronger if she can already do so much damage.#god the fucking tragedy of being desperate to know but the more you learn the worse it gets#the more you understand the less you *want* to understand and yet you HAVE to keep going. you can't stop
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#a friend asked me how my depression was treating me lately and i want to cry remembering it now#im surrounded by a lot of caring and understanding people. people that know what i feel even#and yet i only continue to get worse#'cant complain' and its true i did feel more neutral that day. so why did it suddenly got worse again?!#i have been getting better sleep but. now im starting to get tired mentally#everything is too much. i feel so bad for not asking for help but what are others supposed to do?#its so out of nowhere and unstable i could be okay tomorrow. i dont want to ask for help too much#i just want to die#i will try to keep focusing hard on work and practice. but everyday that desperation to not lose to wanting to rot in bed is getting weaker#haunted.txt
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
genuinely wonder how many more people would give gashu the hiyori treatment if only he were a bit more conventionally attractive. you know?
#like don't get me wrong. sou is a sympathetic character and hiyori brings an interesting parallel to kai#but there is always some level of 'they didn't do anything wrong' in a specific type of fans' mindsets#the most egregious example would be people's treatment of kutaro versus sou after chapter two#kutaro is nowhere near as awful or manipulative as sou or hiyori or [gashu] (in this scenario) - but he was treated with as much distaste#despite having taken very reasonable actions for his character. especially after the ch3 expansion of his character#he was someone who worked desperately to make a name for himself out of nothing. and he was scared of not only losing that#but of being the a catalyst of hopelessness for the other children at the orphanage in his failure/disappearance#he was harsh in ch1's first main game - but he was using this opportunity to tell these three that it's up to them#to prove that they're worth enough to the group. he didn't want anyone to die necessarily - he used this opportunity to spur them on#you have to remember he was raised in an environment of asunaro's orphanage where ''mandatory education'' was considered generosity.#this wasn't the best method of doing so. but it was the one someone with a personality like kutaro's would go for#it makes sense for his character. as does the fact that gin warms up to him afterward throughout the events of ch2#and yet people still - for the longest time. and even now! - treat him as if he's worse than sou or hiyori. and it ruins me#like...so much of it is solely based on appearance rather than their actual role in the story#it's the same sort of bitter hand that fictional women are often dealt but i'm...not getting into that now. too much ranting for today!#i mean you could shoot me an ask if you'd want to hear but it's just. stuff you're bound to see if you've been in fan spaces long enough#jestersvaguely#yttdposting
64 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i always tell myself and others who are struggling that it gets better; it really does#because its true; i used to feel worse; much worse#my situation and environment used to be much worse#and theyre better now. so it gets better#right?#and yet#the reason why im not crying or screaming each day; reason why im not as emotional; not as fragile#is because ive been dissociating from my emotions. for the past 5 years or so#maybe 6. maybe 7#did it really get better?#im in my home country. that is better. i have my own apartment. that is better. i have friends. i think. that is better#its not really how it works; is it#you can remove yourself from the situation that harmed you. but the harm remains.#because in the end it wasnt the situation that broke you#it made it worse; sure. but fundamentally thats just how you are#and you still go forward. you still try to succeed#i always tell myself. it doesnt matter if i cant do it. because i have no other choice. therfore i will.#and i do. i do what i have to because i have no other choice#i wish i did. i wish i could be able to function; to do something because i want to. because i chose it#but fundamentally it is not what i am. how i am.#because i did not get better. because i never will#because i will still persist. because there is no other choice.#and that is not in any way a good thing#vent#tw vent#sorry
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
why can’t this week just end alreadyyyyyyy
#rant about the week incomin’ in the tags bc ‘complaining’ is my unofficial middle name#this week has *not* been my week so far and it’s only wednesday morning#my horrible week commenced on sunday night when i was unable to sleep bc my pillow was oriented wrong#thus i had a grand total of 1 hour of sleep which was not very poggers tbh. so i tried to sleep on the train but…#the guy next to me??? kept swaying to lean on my shoulder??? so i hunched over to avoid physical contact but he just landed on my back??#so that sucked balls. i kept having to wake up to push him away with my bag and then trying to go back to sleep.#but then!!! just as i fell asleep after one such instance!!! the guy’s phone alarm went off????? like?? why???? why would you set an alarm??#we’re on a friggin train mannnnn!!!!! why did you have to set an alarm?????????????#and ofc when the dude finally alighted (and i was asleep) he just *had* to jab me in the side with his elbow when he got up. ಠ_ಠ#so that’s how i knew the rest of the week was gonna be just ✨peachy✨#anyways manning 2 workstations (+ 1 bonus ‘mini’ workstation) on 1h of sleep isn’t very fun. esp if you’re incompetent af like me#and ofc there just had to be problems too. like the printers couldn’t print (and the systems crashed everytime i tried to print something)#and this sample running software kept closing itself in the middle of running samples so that was a pain to deal with#and tuesday (yesterday) wasn’t much better. in fact it was ✨worse✨. none of the 2 workstations could get started till like 10am and aaaaaa—#to make matters worse i had stubbed my toe so badly in the morning that my skin tore. so walking was ✨much pain✨ as well :(#and ofc yesterday had to be the one day where i had to walk back and forth an unnecessarily high number of times >:( sadded#and ofc they *had* to have an hour-long meeting about something or other towards the end of the workday when i had yet to eat my lunch >:(#(fell asleep during the meeting though bc it was boring as balls whoops)#and i could only take a half-hour break after that >:((( i wanted my full hour dammitttttttt#and ofc it was raining when i left and ofc it took like 25 mins for me to hail a taxi on this booking app bc i didn’t want to take the train#and ofccccc i misheard the taxi driver when he arrived and he roasted my chinese speaking skills. and ofcccc we were caught in a traffic jam#(i had a really nice hour long nap in the cab though so thanks traffic jam)#and thus ended my terrible 2 past weekdays. i’m drained af and it’s *only* wednesday morning????!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i’m mentally looping anzu no uta (imascg) to cope. ‘nu-uh i don’t wanna work’ so true anzu#i just wanna sleeeeeeep and wake up this weekend or sth idk it’s too early in the year for this#it is suiyoubi my dudes#may spam self-rb my monster-length character image/gif posts later to cope. you have been warned
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
the true my chemical romance welcome to the black parade listening experience is being interrupted like halfway through teenagers for a phone call for 1 hour 17 minutes
#(things are alright don’t worry he’s ok or at least will be ok or at least is feeling better now#things have definitely been worse anyhow)#anyway the real question:#do i reread chainsaw man from a certain point because i really don’t remember it that well (which does make sense considering how#and when i read it)#or do i watch the full rtgame best of 2023 video#i’ll probably do both but what do i do first hmmmm#i might rtgame it up yknow i don’t have to think as much for that one#but also i’ll fall asleep and loose my place and wake up on the floor at like 4#so you could argue i should like go to bed or something but i’m not feelin that just yet#maybe i will just be and see what happens and what journeys life takes me on#ezra’s real life rambles#ezra likes music#<- sort of sort of
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Being in a long distance relationship long term is so fucked up. For context for people in bigger countries I'm not talking flying distance from each other, I'm talking about 3 hrs apart on the train, so not that far arguably. But still far enough that our lives are almost completely separate in the practical sense, no matter how much we talk on the phone or meet halfway. When one of us stays over at the other's place we are still guests in each other's homes. I still don't know what cohabiting would be like and what a comfortable normalicy of being in each other's lives in person every day would be like. We're coming up to our 11th anniversary.
I don't want to break up with him!!!! I love him deeply and I've never met someone I'm as compatible with as him. I've never been in love like this and I'm not easy to know, and yet he does know me and likes what he sees. I just feel I am stuck and I am frustrated that my sex life is like once every 3 months. I still don't even know how often we would have sex if we lived together, we haven't had the chance to find that rhythm. When we see each other there's no time to do any more involved stuff it's just getting off. Basically everytthing we've talked about has to stay in the realm of fantasy because there's never any fucking time.
I am trying I said to him- you need to do covering letters and things, you can't just send your CV that has never worked. He's the one who wants out of his current job, and out of his town, but applying for jobs is so fucking hard when you're working full time and trying to do things you love to not get fucking depressed. See I understand those things because I would feel the same way. If he moved here we could find a place together and I could find it out if I actually can live with someone else and stay mentally well. I'm getting too dependent on living alone in order to stay mentally well and it worries me.
Sorry to vent. I'm not looking for advice it's just venting.
#yeah it's embarrassing for a 34 yr old to go on about soul mates but i realy believe we are#i wouldn't be in this situation if we weren't really for real great together because i'm old enough to do right by myself#i can wait and in understand it's hard for someone neurodivergent to make big changes#it would be hard for someone neurotypical! so it must be even worse for him and it's so easy for him to get overwhelmed and crash emotional#as you can see from my rambles i have my baggage too like massive baggage#i worry though because he came to stay like 3 weeks ago for a few days and i was wound up and uncomfortable having a guest#even though it was him- i was hormonal so that could have been it but it's fucking scary#because you just think 'i wish i was alone in my own home right now doing my comfortable routine'#i'm stressing about washing extra dishes but my ocd requires that i'm always the one to wash them#i just want ot not be bothered and yet i feel like shit because i have no idea if it's always going to be like this or just a bad few days!#even though we have fun when we go out and stuff#the living together thing is really stressing me and i only have the last time it happened 3 months ago which i can barely remember#as reference for how i normally feel when he's here#ooooooof :(#fyi he doesn't want to do polyamory as is his right- it's not for everyone#and he has much more to lose in the dating/casual sex area than i would if i did it but i won't go into why
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
mischiefandi
remember I love you
kanarin97-kousaka-blog
KANARIN
remrezeroo
Rem Re:Zero
1deaths
byeee
