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aoitrinity · 4 years

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Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it.

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in.

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length.

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages.

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money.

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments.

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve.

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

#supernatural season 15 #spn finale #speculation #destiel #destielgate #the ending was not the ending #fuck the cw #trust the story #we were robbed

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pilothusband · 3 years

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A lit torch to the woodpile high

A Paz VIzsla Bartender!AU

Rating: T (for now)

Pairing: Paz Vizsla x F!Reader

Warnings: Alcohol mention (they work in a bar), pining

Word count: 2k

Description: Paz is your boss at the Bear’s Den, a local pub. He’s surly and unfriendly and wants nothing to do with you, but there’s something about him you can’t stay away from.

Author’s note: Title is from a Frightened Rabbit song. Chapters will get smutty later on, I promise.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

A low thrumming resounded in your ribcage as you pulled your old beater into the dusty parking lot. The pub’s exterior was unassuming– its sign was worn and outdated, reading “Bear’s Den.” Today was your first day at your new bartending job, and you didn’t want to fuck it up. Glancing at your phone screen, you noticed you were about 20 minutes early for your shift.

You weren’t sure if you should sit in your car to kill time before walking in or if it would make a good impression to show up early. The original plan had been to show up early, as you always did, not now you weren’t so sure of that decision.

The original plan won out in the end. You locked your car behind you and dusted off your jeans. The building was dilapidated, for the lack of a better word. The stucco exterior was cracked in some spots, reaching up from the door to the roof. The front door was massive and looked older than the building itself. You pulled on the big iron handle, struggling with the weight of the structure.

The bar was sparsely populated. You found yourself hesitating, hovering at the entrance, not sure if you should walk up to the bar or try to find your new boss, Orso.

“Can I see an ID?” A gruff voice sounded in your ear and you nearly jumped out of your skin, spinning around to find you were face-to-face an older gentleman, probably around his mid-50s. He was a thick, severe looking man, with a grey handlebar mustache, shiny bald head, and a black t-shirt that stretched over his large biceps.

“Oh, sure,” you said, scrambling to find your wallet. You handed the plastic card over, looking up at his hulking form as he surveyed it. “I’m the new bartender,” you added lamely.

The man guffawed in response. Guffawed.

“Why didn’t you say so?” He asked. His shoulders were shaking with mirth. You found his entire demeanor changed when he smiled and couldn’t help but smile in return.

“Go on back to the office. Paz should be back there and he can show you how to punch in.”

“Thank you!” You replied brightly. “It’s nice to meet you…” you trailed off, waiting for him to introduce himself.

“Rick,” he said, flashing another smile your way. He held out his hand in greeting and you shook it, giving him your name in return.

You made your way towards the back of the room. There was a door to the left of the bar that Rick pointed out to you. It led to a dimly lit hallway, leading to kitchen doors ahead. The doors on the right were labeled as the bathrooms, while the door on the left had an embossed “Office” label on the front. You knocked on the door, hoping you weren’t interrupting your new boss.

After a moment you heard a muffled “come in.”

The latch on the door creaked as you pushed it open gingerly. There was a man sitting behind a desk that looked absurdly small for his large frame. His hair was ruffled, as if he had been running his hands through it in frustration. His elbow was resting on the desk, chin in hand, as he was writing something down on a piece of paper.

“Um, hi, I’m the new bartender and Rick said I should come talk to you?”

The man looked down at his watch, brow furrowed.

“You’re early.”

You swallowed your nerves before responding.

“Yeah, I um, wanted to get here early in case it took a while to get clocked in.”

The man grunted in response.

“The name’s Paz. I’m the lead bartender and manager here. Orso may own the bar, but I run its day-to-day operations.” He sounded as if he was reading off a script. “Show up for your shifts on time and do as I say and we won’t have a problem. Got it?”

You nodded mutely.

“Follow me,” he said, getting up leading you towards the kitchen. His legs were impossibly long. When he stood up he dwarfed you by at least a foot.

“This is where you punch in. Pretty self-explanatory.” He pointed to a panel just inside of the kitchen. He handed you your punch card and you took it, swiping in for the day.

You tried to ignore the butterflies that erupted in your stomach when your finger brushed against his.

There was an older woman in the kitchen with you, fiddling with the deep fryer. She had grey hair, pulled back with a net, and wore a thick black apron with a Bear’s Den logo on the pocket.

“This is Madge, she runs the kitchen. Don’t cross her,” he said. If it were any other person in the world saying those words, you would have thought he was joking.

“Don’t listen to him,” Madge croaked. “I’ll be back here if you need anything at all, sweetie.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” you said. You introduced yourself, wanting to make a good impression on the woman.

“She’s the new bartender,” Paz mumbled, waving off your introduction to move the tour along. What the hell was this guy’s problem?

The back door swung open suddenly, startling everyone in the room. A young man around your age walked through, coughing.

“Oh, hey boss,” he sputtered, looking over at Paz.

Paz rubbed his temples with impatience.

“Donny, how many times do I have to tell you not to smoke at work?”

“Just a few more times, boss. It’ll stick soon,” he gave Paz a shit-eating grin. “Who’s this now?”

You introduced yourself to Donny, observing the red rims around his eyes. He gave you a lazy smile.

“Come on back whenever you want to steal a mozzarella stick or two,” he said. You could hear Paz huff behind you, earning a laugh from the younger man. It seemed like this guy had no qualms getting on his boss’ nerves.

“Come on, I have more to show you.” Paz said, herding you towards the door.

“These lazy fuckers out here are our servers, Dillon and Harlow.” They were both sitting at a table in the corner, playing some sort of card game.

“We don’t have any customers yet, Paz,” the girl, Harlow rolled her eyes. “Besides, why do you have everyone on staff tonight? It’s Tuesday.”

Harlow was gorgeous, with long brown hair and sparkling eyes. Dillon, the boy next to her, had neatly trimmed blond hair with blue eyes. He reminded you of a frat boy. They both wore what was the assumed uniform: jeans and a black t-shirt.

“Because Orso wanted everyone here to get the new bartender trained up.”

They both turned their attention towards you. Harlow gave you a wide smile, while Dillon looked you up and down with a smirk.

“It’s so nice to meet you, and not just because I don’t have to run around serving and making drinks on busy nights,” Harlow said, getting up and shaking your hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” you chuckled in response.

“Harlow will be training you whenever I’m not around,” Paz supplied.

“I can train her!” Dillon interjected, looking hopeful.

“You’re not a bartender.” Paz said flatly. Dillon didn’t argue, slouching down in his seat. It seemed like Paz’s word was God’s around here.

Paz moved on to show you the layout of the bar, pointing out that the better quality liquor was on the top, while the lower quality and well liquor was below. He pointed out the beers on draught, as well as the little fridge behind the bar that carried the bottled beer and wine wine. The red wine was up on a shelf above the liquor, which was going to be potentially problematic, since it was located far above your head.

“I’ll grab those for you if someone orders red wine,” he said, almost reading your mind as you craned your neck to look at the shelf.

You looked over at him and gave him a grateful smile. He looked away almost immediately as your eyes met, clearing his throat.

“Any questions?”

You shook your head, feeling a little defeated.

“Seems straightforward,” you said. “Thanks for showing me around. I’m sure you have other things you need to be doing.”

He grunted in response, not disagreeing.

It seemed like everything you said managed to annoy him in some way or another. It was throwing you through a loop. Not that it was something you were necessarily worried about. You didn’t need everyone to like you. Not even a ridiculously good-looking man who was built like a tree.

All during the tour, you tried to block out any lustful thoughts you had about your mysterious new boss. You tried to ignore how dwarfed you felt when Paz stood next to you and how large his calloused hands were. You had to hold your breath when he gesticulated with them, because a whiff of his subtle cologne would make its way over and make you sigh like a lovesick schoolgirl.

Nope, you definitely did not get lost thinking about how this man could toss you around like a rag doll, or how deep and rich the timbre of his voice sounded.

A moment later, the first customer walked in. He was a portly middle aged-man, wearing denim overalls and a ratty flannel, and judging by the silent nod Rick gave him, he was a regular.

“You’re up, newbie.”

Paz stepped back, crossing his massive arms to observe your first customer interaction. You turned around and tried to ignore the way the veins in his arms flexed with the movement.

“Hi there!” You tried not to cringe at how overly-chipper your voice sounded and ignored the muffled laugh behind you. “What can I get you?”

The customer didn’t answer your question, instead he nodded behind your shoulder, towards Paz.

“This the new girl?” He asked, a grin on his face.

“The one and only,” Paz said. “Be nice Bob, you’re her first customer.”

“I’m always nice,” the man sputtered. “Especially to pretty little things like her.”

You could almost feel Paz bristle behind you. You immediately wanted to slap this guy, but you swallowed your anger and smiled at him. Do it for the tips.

“What can I get you?”

“Your number, for starters,” he grinned at you lecherously.

“Bob,” Paz gave him a warning.

You couldn’t see what Paz was doing while he said it, but judging by the flash of fear in Bob’s face, it wasn’t friendly.

“Just kidding sweetheart. I’ll take a Miller Light.”

You poured him a pint and handed it over with a coaster. The man’s tip was suspiciously high, but you didn’t question it.

The rest of your shift was slow. Customers trickled in and ordered generally simple drinks. Not that you were surprised; this wasn’t exactly the kind of establishment where you ordered fancy cocktails.

Paz had watched you like a hawk for the first hour of your shift. But after a while he must have decided you knew what you were doing, so he went off to check on the other employees and did more work in the office. He would come out every once in a while to check on the bar, probably to make sure you weren’t screwing up.

Before you knew it, the clock struck 2 A.M. and it was time to close up for the night. Every other employee, besides you and Paz, had left for the night. You felt dead on your feet and couldn’t wait to crawl into your bed.

“Alright, let’s go. I’ll walk you to your car.” Paz strolled out from the kitchen, keys jingling in his hand. You swallowed heavily.

“Okay.”

God, she’s terrified of me.

Paz admittedly knew the effect he had on you. He intimidated everyone, and that’s how he wanted it. But for some reason, he felt a twinge in the pit of his stomach every time you were too scared to meet his eyes.

The moment you walked into the office and introduced yourself to him, all shy and timid, Paz knew he was screwed.

You were so small compared to him, but the curves on your body were impossible to miss. And your eyes – they were so wide and expressive, taking in every word he said. Not to mention your mouth. Fuck, your mouth was almost sinful. He struggled not to stare at your lips every time you spoke.

He found himself fantasizing about reaching out to put his hand on your waist a few times during the tour. Every time it happened he felt a white hot pang of shame. You were his employee. Not to mention he had read your file and noticed you were a whopping 8 years younger than him.

You didn’t need someone like him swooping in and ruining your life.

No, he would walk you to your car and watch you drive away and continue pushing you away, as he did with every other person he knew.

He didn’t get into his car until you were pulling out of the parking lot. He watched your car putter down the street, disappearing into the lonely night.

Taglist: @tenderclio @softdin @maybege

#paz vizsla #paz vizsla AU #paz vizsla x you #paz vizsla x reader #ahhh chapter 1 is out finally!#let me know what you think!

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lilover131 · 3 years

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Chapter 58 Analysis

Hey there everyone!! I’m still alive, I promise!! The new chapter is slated to come out in a few days, so I wanted to get out my thoughts on the last chapter, Chapter 58, before it was too late!

This chapter felt very similar and had a lot of similar themes to the last chapter, but it definitely gives me a feeling. To explain what I’m talking about, let’s waste no further time and dig right in! Under the cut due to spoilers and length!

As usual, I’ll start off talking about the color page! It is so refreshing to see Ruby Moon and Yue on a page together! They look absolutely fabulous, as usual, but I love how it expresses their relationship with each other too. They fought of course during the final battle in the Sakura Card arc, but once things were cleared up, it was like nothing had happened at all. The two of them seem to get along quite nicely now and Yue has never really seemed bothered by Ruby’s presence at all. He doesn’t necessarily seem excited about it either, but he’s just overall calm, and that says a lot about how he views them.

Anyways, this chapter begins with continuing a bit of the Twin Alice story, and we learn in particular more about the cat that Alice has befriended. This cat has been described again as a guide of sorts, and Alice finds that in these places she goes in her dreams, she is able to speak the languages and even read their books as well. This sounds almost eerily similar to Akiho, since she is able to read Alice in Clockland, which no one else can do. She also has travelled to many places, and I imagine that she might have been able to speak the languages in those countries as well as she does in Japan. That, or she has a mobile translation device like Mokona in Tsubasa. Haha!

The story tells us of how Alice fought against strange things like wind, water, and even sweets, and the images seem to show similarities to Sakura’s battles with Gale, Aqua, and Appear. But occasionally, Alice would find herself trapped, and when in those situations, her cat would rescue her using time magic. The time magic use certainly points to Kaito once again, but I certainly didn’t miss seeing Kaito’s magic circle used specifically under the cat in this panel!! It seems confirmed that the cat is meant to represent Kaito (Yunya D Kaito!! XD), and that these rescue situations might be related to the times he has had to come in and stop her before the magic inside her got out of control (ex: after Akiho went to Fujitaka’s library, at the school pool, or in the courtyard at school before Momo intervened).

However, even though Alice was able to do these amazing things in these other worlds and see impossible things that could only be explained by magic, she was sad because the people she loved were not with her. I think Akiho and Sakura can both resonate with this idea. Sakura uses magic all the time, but she’d rather have her loved ones over all the magic in the world. And Akiho, knowing of magic and being judged for not having it, also feels the same. I imagine she would much rather have a loving family and Kaito by her side than any magic.

Further showing the connection between the two girls, the next panel has them reading a line out loud at exactly the same time, by accident it seems. The two of them are so in tune now, and it’s probably only a matter of time before ‘that time’ comes around. I think the plan all along was to have them connect in this way, and I think that if you were to change their appearances, it’d be awfully difficult to tell who is who in some circumstances.

This is eerie on its own, but it’s what Naoko says to them that I honestly find way more terrifying. She brings up reading “Ten Nights of Dreams”, and if you remember, this story was brought up much earlier in the series, but done rather casually as a story being read in class. Those of us who are familiar with CLAMP’s works, the way it was written in seemed as if it would be relevant at some point and mean more than just a random story read in class, and it seems like now is the time that this is finally being brought up again. Naoko talks about how the final part of the story is that the last night itself was a dream as well and that the reader never wakes up. She mentions how she thought it would be awfully terrifying if you could not wake up from a dream you were having, and that this was part of the inspiration of her story. This is a haunting thought, because it seems to imply that one of these girls might find themselves trapped and unable to escape, or god forbid already in this situation. I am sincerely praying that this is not going to turn into a situation where the entire story was one big dream. I would honestly be really angry if that happened, because that was a theory early on in the series’ serialization often thrown around, and I hated it. I had thought we were in the clear for that one until now, but again the ‘it was all just a dream’ theory shows its ugly head! Don’t let me down CLAMP! You’re better than that!

Next comes an incredibly important part. Who will play who? This may seem trivial to some, but CLAMP seems to be expressing its importance, which means that right now, the role they are choosing may mean far more than just a role in a play. They may very well be choosing what future they choose for their actual life. We don’t actually get to see them work out this decision in real time but rather in the future when the girls are talking to their protectors, Syaoran and Kaito. Sakura is confirmed to be playing the role of the Alice lost in the dream world, and Akiho playing the Alice who cannot find her way back home. Sakura explains that initially she wanted to play the role of the other Alice, but Akiho insisted on playing this role instead as she felt she could resonate with this character and understood how the girl must have felt to not be able to find her way home.

Now, when Akiho says this, I don’t think that she means she can’t actually find her way home as it doesn’t really seem like she has any intentions or desire to go back to England. I think the issue here is that she has still yet to actually find a place that feels like home. So far, Japan may be the closest thing, but she may still be thinking in the back of her mind when she might end up being forced to leave this place and all the friends she made behind. When will she lose all of these wonderful things she’s come to know? All she’s ever really known is suffering, so it’s natural for her to probably be frightened to some extent upon good things actually happening to her.

She looks incredibly sad when she says this, and again Kaito’s hand seems to reach out subconsciously to comfort her, but he stops himself. Compared to the last chapter, this one seems much more uncontrolled and blatant. It’s so much so in fact that Kaito even has to make up an excuse this time to try and cover up this ‘slip-up’ of his. He even holds it behind his back like he’s trying to hide the evidence that it ever happened. It seems more and more his heart is trying to speak and he is struggling to keep it locked away. I don’t think it will be much longer before he finally starts dealing with some actual feelings instead of shoving them down. He can’t go much longer like this.

But Akiho can’t be fooled by this and knows him too well, stating that she wants him to rest. The way Kaito reacts rather surprises me, as it seems almost a rather extreme reaction to what she says. However, it’s also so super sad. He says to her that he must be a failure as a butler to have worried her so much, and although one could see this as a way to try and end the conversation quickly, I genuinely think that in some respects, this is how he actually feels. I think he sees her worry, especially over him, as a failure. He’s working so hard to make her feel secure and happy at any cost, but Akiho is even more sad than ever over her worry for him. It makes me wonder if perhaps he has intentions of trying to erase himself in the future in thought that she’d be happier without him….and I know that is a really heavy and dark thought to think about. Maybe this is why it’s so difficult for Kaito to face these feelings of his, because he’s had them so bottled up for so long, that they’ve become something real scary to look at. There is almost nothing scarier than having to face yourself, and that’s something I’ve learned from personal experience over time.

Poor Akiho appears to be dealing with insecurities of her own, feeling like she is a bother to him with her worries. It’s clear that he is uncomfortable when she discusses it, and seeing as she was rejected by so many people before, it’s honestly heartbreaking to imagine just how damaged these two are that these discussions cause so much pain, and I feel like a lot of us out there can relate to one or both of them.

Kaito responds by telling Akiho that he only wants her to think of herself above anything else, but honestly what he’s asking of Akiho is impossible for her. She is far too good a person to think only of herself, but I know that Kaito’s main concern is that she often doesn’t think enough about herself. Kaito is the one who likely needs this advice the most though!! Beautifully, Akiho responds that she does think of herself, but that she wants to think of him too. She understands that it’s important to care for oneself, but it’s also important to care about others too. There is a healthy balance, and maybe she’ll be the one to teach him how to do this. Ultimately, I think Akiho is the only one who can get through to him as she may very well be the only person Kaito genuinely cares about right now, so her words will mean so much more.

In the next page, we see Sakura dreaming for what seems like the first time in a while, or at least it somehow feels that way (I also realized I literally typed this myself before realizing Sakura says the exact same thing herself. Twinsies! Haha). Sakura doesn’t seem at all afraid anymore and seems very comfortable digging right into the conversation and asking very direct questions. I honestly really like this more direct Sakura who doesn’t beat around the bush. It’s also really nice seeing her actively working things out in her mind, and it really goes to show how much she’s paying attention and observing things. Our baby is growing up and learning! I was a bit shocked when she came out and just asked if it’s Akiho, though I can honestly see how she came to this conclusion now. Since she knows Kaito can use magic and Akiho lives with him, it’s reasonable to come to this idea at this point in time. Had she not yet known about Kaito, I can see her continuing to really struggle to try and identify this cloaked figure.

In the end, we never got a true answer on that one, but it does bring more questions for us. So since Syaoran isn’t exactly the same height as Sakura and the cloaked figure in this dream is, that certainly does seem to imply Akiho. However, obviously we’ve had plenty of situations in which Syaoran has been clearly identified as the cloaked figure. Naturally, this is confusing and makes us question a lot (this also explains why CLAMP was okay with the director making the cloaked figure Akiho in the anime), so it seems fitting and also almost taunting in a way from CLAMP that Sakura wakes up with the creation of a card called “TRUE OR FALSE”. It’s definitely the longest and most unique card name so far, and it seems like it is a Clear Card version of the anime only card ‘LIBRA’, but I think the question CLAMP is trying to present to us here is “Which one is the truth?” (and again, I literally typed this before scrolling to the next page and seeing Sakura literally ask herself this question. Lmaaoo). I think, much like the twin Alice story, it’s going to be up to Sakura to decide what the reality ends up becoming. Even Kaito said in his battle with Syaoran that “It is for the strong to decide what the future holds in store for all of us”. I believe that a very important decision is about to be proposed to Sakura very soon, and maybe even possibly it has already been made….

Sakura goes downstairs and sees Touya there, who tells her that he was still up due to working on a paper due the next day, but knowing Touya, he already knew this was going to happen and has no paper at all. He then rather assertively tells her to sit down and gives her warm milk and honey to drink. For those who are not aware, this was something their mother used to make for them, particularly when they were sick, and Sakura has even made this for Syaoran when he came down with a fever in the Honey Milk Tales. It’s rather nice to see them drinking this in the regular series but not being sick. I suppose it can even just be used as a source of comfort.

Sakura decides to confide in Touya a bit and asks him how you can tell when something is true or not. He brilliantly answers “True? According to who?”, going on to say that if he were able to determine what was true or not, then he’d go with whatever protected the things he doesn’t wish to lose. I think this pretty much confirms the thought that Sakura will be the one making the decision of what is true or not. And I think Touya provided her comfort by reminding her that everything will surely be all right, because ultimately she can decide her destiny and choose to go with the answer that protects the things she cares for. It does sound simple in theory, however I think it will become much more complex in nature when it comes down to it. After all, what do you stand to lose if denying the other choice? What if it comes down to her having to choose between losing Syaoran or losing Akiho? She can’t forsake either of them, after all…so how would she fare in a situation where no matter what, the choice will be painful?

Since these last two chapters were incredibly calm, and this next one is going to be the last chapter of the volume, I have a feeling that something dramatic is going to happen VERY soon. I predicted not long ago with chapter 56 that I felt like something bad in particular was going to happen to Syaoran within 4-5 chapters, so we’ll see if I was way off base or not in the next 3 chapters. But this chapter definitely has a ‘calm before the storm’ feel, and I feel like ‘that time’ is very very close now. I’m buckling myself in already for the emotional roller coaster, so I’m super excited to see what happens next!!

#cardcaptor sakura #clear card #chapter 58 #sakura #akiho #touya #syaoran #alice #naoko #true or false #spoilers #manga #leave it to CLAMP to leave us questioning everything all the time #chrissy talks a lot #theory #analyzation #analysis

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undertalethingems · 4 years

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You are a wonderful comic artist and storyteller, do you have any tips for someone looking to start a comic?

heh, thank you ^^

It’s kind of funny, but a random blog i had checked out happened to have been asked essentially the same question, so i’ll echo their reply--first of all, don’t jump right into a huge comic right off the bat. you don’t wanna get 40 pages in and realize it’s not for you, get burned out, and limp along until you eventually have to give up. that sucks for everyone. so, try out shorter comic formats first so you get the hang of it and learn what works for you. unexpected guests isn’t the first comic i’ve done--it’s just the most successful because i’ve learned from past projects. mostly what not to do, but hey, that’s important too.

but for any comic, i think the other most important thing is to have a plan. have a plan for your story, have a plan for your art, have a plan for your schedule.

putting the rest under a cut because it got long =u=;

i’ve mentioned this before, but I didn’t have Unexpected Guests fully written when I started drawing it as a comic. but, I had a good idea of where I wanted things to go and knew it’d be a while before I caught up, so I wasn’t too worried about that. As long as i kept working on the story, i wouldn’t run out of material, and i did eventually finish the story well before the comic met any of the parts i may have gotten stuck at. Having a story or script laid out ahead of time keeps you from running out of material or having to come up with something new for every update. it lets you plan out character and plot arcs ahead of time, and if you do end up having to drop the comic for one reason or another, you can at least let your readers know how things were meant to pan out and give them closure. you can always edit things along the way--nothing’s entirely set in stone until you draw it out and post it, and there are definitely things in the comic version that aren’t in the fic, and vice versa. so being flexible is an important skill as well.

planning your art is important too, and comics take a little more of it than a singular work. there’s a lot that affects how a comic looks--not just the art style of the characters, but the actual page layouts too. each panel is a picture unto itself, but it’s part of a whole, and how you shape and position each one can add--or detract--from what’s going on in your page. And then when it comes to actually drawing the thing, keep in mind that you’ll have to stay fairly consistent. is a full-color, fully-shaded style sustainable for you? or will you get burnt out or potentially hurt yourself with a particularly complex style? could you save that for splash pages and use something simpler for the main body of the work, the way manga artists often do? try to go with what will actually help you tell your story--which may not be a complex style because it takes too much out of you to draw.

unexpected guests looks the way it does not because it’s the best art i can possibly do, but because it’s the best i can draw that’s still relatively quick and easy. i don’t worry about getting it to look perfect, because that’s just extra pressure and time and energy i don’t necessarily have the ability to deal with, and i want to tell my story--and i have a lot of story to get through. so that’s what i focus on. having an art style that supports that goal makes a huge difference, and planning for it ahead of time just as much.

Lastly, having a schedule--some kind of structure--has helped me keep up with my comic a lot, and it’s also advice i’ve seen for building a following online. So, having a set date you want to have pages done, and giving yourself enough time before then to meet that date, keeps you on track--and then having a date your fans can look forward to, where you show up consistently in the tags, helps people find you and know you’re actively updating. For a while I could update every week because I had the free time, but after I got a new job, I had to give myself two weeks--and that’s still hard to meet sometimes, even with the art style i use.

Ultimately, what works for you is going to depend on a lot of factors. but taking some time to think about what you want to achieve, and what will realistically work with your schedule and skills, will up your chances of success. Studying comics you like can help you get an idea of what works, and there are a couple books about comics that are often recommended too--’Understanding Comics” and “Making Comics” by Scott McCloud. Both books get into the nitty-gritty of how comics actually work in terms of both art and storytelling, so they might be interesting to you as well as a more general look at comics.

and of course, this is just speaking from my experiences! it may not help you at all, but i hope it gives you something to think about :”D

#undertalethingem chats #art tips with undertalethingems #i'm no expert but i like to think i've maybe learned some stuff that could help other folks =u=;

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just-like-playing-tag · 3 years

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Hers's something to think about: the Cattle Children might not have been taught racism, like, they might have only a very limited knowledge it even EXISTS. Think about it. Why would they need to know? Science, math, logic...these things are important for any growing brain to know. But history can be censored so they learn important things without distressing the kids too much. Trauma can stunt brain development, after all. And we KNOW their education was restricted, since they didn't know it wasn't 2015. (Moms and Sisters probably know, but the kids? It has nothing to do with them!) These kids probably have a bunch of things they were never taught about because "it's non-applicable", including but not limited to sex ed (GF kids might not even get puberty talks!). The kids are geniuses, but you have to wonder... what gaps are there? What culture clashes will they deal with every day now they are in the human world?

Oh yeah I think about that a lot!! Having the children not learn about wars and discrimination not to effect their mental health makes a lot of sense (further suggestion: what if they weren't taught about what a farm is just in case). But on the other hand, through the story it's kinda clear that the children understand what such things as war and eradication are. In chapter 156 Ray talks about civil war, and Norman and Emma act like they have a perfect understanding of what that means¹. Moreover, according to this panel, they probably also have an understanding of what discrimination is:

And here's Norman listing the world's most impending problems, showing he has an understanding (a pretty sharp one even) of those very problems and how they could effect them. I find it particularly surprising for him to mention pollution, since it's a problem that didn't use to be widely addressed until recently.

Here's a thing though: when you learn about something that is far and distant from you, it's hard to relate to it, and chances are that it will not effect you significantly; this is probably even truer for young people, who still have only a vague cognition of the distinction between reality and tales. In my experience, children are the most hopeful, optimistic people, and that's probably because, being so young, they really don't have an understanding of what all those things (wars, famines, pandemics, mass death etc.) mean; they thus believe any problem in the world has the potential to be fixed. They know that war is a thing, they just don't understand what it really means, because their brains aren't able to acknowledge the suffering of such a vast amount of people.

Now, I must necessarily take into account that the children of this generation whom I'm taking as example are constantly exposed by medias to speeches and even images involving war; then it's likely to be, within them, also a component of subconscious will to isolate and distance themselves from such terrible concepts by assuming them abstract and unreal in order to mantain their happiness². However, I still stand by what I said that even children that are alien to this world would feel distant to this kind of dark concepts: moreover, the GF children don't even have televisions to show them images of war, so it must be all the more hard to tell the difference between a fairy tales book and an history book.

Another relevant thing we should take into account is that, as the Mechanical Engineering and Human History book by Alex Mikhaylov tells us, most if not all the books in the GF library were imported from the human world, and I doubt the demons would go through the trouble of rewriting them (though censure is still a possibility- if not made by the demons, by mamas and sisters).

Tl;Dr: I do believe that the children's exposition to wars and other triggering concepts would be limited (maybe there aren't many history books in the library?), but I'm pretty sure they have a pretty sharp understanding of what they are, even if that doesn't mean all of them (especially the youngest ones) know what they actually mean. Same probably applies to sex ed and puberty talks which, as people have mentioned before, will probably lead to disastrous consequences when the girls get their periods for the first time. So yeah, the kids definitely have huge knoweledge gaps. First of all, there's the 32 years gap between 2015 and 2047 they little have no idea of. It's interesting how they're so intelligent yet so ignorant, right? Makes you think about how everyone has a different kind of knoweledge.

Btw, the children know what the year they live in is!!! It's also written on all the calendars they have in the House :)

¹Of course, that could also come from an intention of not boring the reader with useless explanations... I realize that being an actual possibility.

²Unfortunately, this doesn't apply to the children that are directly effected by said unfortunate events

#This was a very fun subject to think about thank you!!!#tpn gf children #tpn #the promised neverland #tpn manga spoilers #tpn analysis #mine #people asks me stuff #Today is “let's make the panels transparent” day... For some reason

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hopefullystillatheatrestudent · 4 years

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okay so i’ve been going crazy these past few days. all about cockles/jensmish and obsessively watching their panels or reading the transcripts BECAUSE. THEY ARE LOUD. LIKE. i saw some fancams on twt and i thought people were just exaggerating but noooooooooo!!!???? so, getting to the point. you said that how do we know that jensen is performing masculinity? because jared isn’t and THAT IS A BIG BRAIN MOMENT. ON POINT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. a particular moment from gag reel that jumps out (which you’ve talked about) when jensen goes ‘cas, you are my baby daddy’ and misha goes, ‘i know i love you too’ and jensen goes, ‘i didn’t say i love you’ and misha goes, ‘i know you wanted to’ and jensen says, ‘i love you’ WHAT THE FUCK! that was NOT a joke. yes, people took it as a joke and had a good laugh BUT I HAVE WATCHED IT TOO MANY TIMES AND IT LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A PERFORMANCE. THAT WAS JENSEN. THAT WAS MISHA. jensen has a had trouble with the pda and being all touch feely (the breakup theory) and he gradually grew into it, accepted it and misha was right there all along, never pushed it. it was like a deancas au but tbh, 99% of destiel is because of cockles and we all know it. i just. jensen has latched onto dean as an emotional support because he tunes with it. understands it. projects on to it. yeah, i just had to say it and get it off my chest. (and what about those poetry pages on instagram? alma? what is your opinion?) btw, you have a lovely blog and your analysis are right on target.

so there is a LOT i’m going to address here(how dare you bring up [gunshot] i HAVE to talk about it now) so again!!!! under a cut it goes but i hope you appreciate my rambles anon it seems like you do :,)

1. jared vs. jensen and performing masculinity. hell yeah man. jared and jensen are both just ‘guys from texas’ but they are still so vastly different. today i actually had a revelation that i’m pretty sure has to do with me being bi. and it’s that i have a group of straight friends(that i love dearly but they care too much about hockey and pitbull imo could not be me) and i have a group of queer friends(who are also batshit[affectionate]). and it’s like whichever group i hang out with a different side of me emerges? they’re both me, it’s just that certain aspects of who i am as a person only surface depending on who i am around. however, i will say i feel like i watch what i say around my straight friends more. i see that very clearly in jensen as well. around jared during panels and on set, he’s definitely putting on an air of machismo and engages in typical guy talk. i do think an element of it is performative, because he wants validation from jared that they’re still just two dudes from texas taking on the world together despite his sexual identity. does that make any sense??? i hope so. but when he’s with misha he is an entirely different person and his sense of humour becomes wildly different. the machismo fades away, he’s way less caught up in what people think about him, lets his guard down, etc. to go back to my original point which is how j2 are different in that regard....jared does not do this. he is a constant. he does not flip a switch between ‘performing masculinity’ and ‘not’ because he isn’t performing any part of who he is. he just IS. so yeah these two are similar in many regards but there’s somewhat of a dissonance between them when it comes to how they perform masculinity because one of them is putting on a show and the other is merely being.

2. that crypt scene blooper(here just in case you need to see it again. do it. as a treat.) when i tell you i have easily seen this over thirty times??? since it first came out??? i mean it. it is such an overlooked(r*mantic) moment and it means so much more than people think it does. i’ve talked about the context behind it, and i think that’s why this blooper was so meaningful, so i’ll mention it again. jensen and misha had a LOT of trouble with this scene. the reason is that jensen couldn’t wrap his head around why dean would be saying these things, if i remember correctly, and both of them sat down and scoured over how they should play it for a while before filming(teamwork ;) teammates *ahem*). [to be honest we all know why jensen had a hard time with that scene and it is because it is blatantly romantic. rip to him but i would simply give in to it at that point but oh well] so anyway, their heads were scattered going into shooting, which is NEVER a good headspace to be in for a scene, ESPECIALLY not a pivotal one. but they had each other to help them through said weird energy on set that couldn’t possibly have invoked the best feelings, especially considering jensen STILL doesn’t think he played that correctly(but he praised misha on his performance :,) ). and with that context every single part of that video hits haRD

-’stop pulling my face towards your crotch’ i think this is objectively hilarious because it really really looks like jensen is pulling HIMSELF towards misha’s crotch. again, you’re fooling no one, jensen. misha’s wheezing laugh and the way he wraps himself around jensen is also,,,sweet??? like i don’t know how else to describe how i see it but this moment really reads as jensen, in his weird ‘constructing elaborate rituals’ way is asking for security through a physical touch from misha and he happily obliges and gives jensen what he needs. because i mean...watch it again. jensen ‘fights back’, but not really at all, actually. pretty wimpy counterattack. he literally lets himself be smothered by misha, and i would literally describe what they end up doing as cuddling.

-’i need you, cas. you’re my baby daddy’ i love having an actor’s perspective on things bc i think i can explain what’s going on here. jensen just delivered what was(in his own mind) a rotten take of the lines he’s most scared of delivering. so the scene was already messed up. therefore; ensuing fuckery is warranted to help him feel better. but there’s also for sure more than meets the eye for what he says here because of misha’s reaction after??? like he seemed genuinely touched. first of all, he’s saying ‘you’re my baby daddy’ as half-jensen, but not necessarily dean either(because he didn’t say the previous lines as true to his character...you get it), to misha, not cas. i think i’ve made this point before, but every single innuendo in the gag reels is to misha specifically, never once cas. therefore; logical conclusion: ‘you’re my baby daddy’ was for misha and it meant something deeper than we think because of what follows it

-this part. jensen’s giddy ass smile after he sees misha crack and then misha says ‘yeah, i know’ (can i just say his voice when he says this is so intimate???? like am i intruding guys??? sorry i’ll let myself out) also he is smiling SO BIG

- ‘i know’ ‘why are you laughing?’ ‘no i know i love you too’ this analysis is already so long but i still want to get into what THAT whole exchange means. ‘why are you laughing?’ to me sounds like jensen’s pretending to be affronted by misha laughing at something that is serious. and it’s serious because he quite literally meant ‘i love you’. he did. misha knows it. misha’s really REALLY good at cutting the bs and just getting to what people are actually trying to say. he has an innate sharpness to his sense of humour. so yes, misha is being 100% accurate when he says ‘i know, but you wanted to say it.’ misha isn’t lying here. jensen did want and mean to say ‘i love you’. and then he actually does say it(in a jokey way but not really).

- so yeah. it is actually so romantic??? like in a weird way jensen was professing his love for misha here?????? and that’s why this clip will NEVER. ever. get old.

3. jensen having trouble with pda and projecting onto dean: we can all call ourselves dean coded cas girls but NO one deserves that title more than jensen ackles himself. he is dean winchester but marginally less repressed because he actually did admit he was in love with his best friend and let himself be happy, and pretty early on too. one year and two months as opposed to twelve years. so. happy deancas au is correct. and yes about the pda thing: one day i want to write my own post about both of their body language when it comes to each other, but all i can tell is jensen, even in the early days, couldn’t help himself from flirting with misha, but if misha ever crossed a line, jensen would not be happy. clearly he’s come around, however. what i find sweet is that misha always follows jensen’s lead when it comes to how much affection they’re allowed to show each other onstage. it touches my soul

4. destiel is cockles fault. yeah. and the thing is everyone knows it, too. even non-cockles shippers will explain early destiel as entirely dependant on jensen and misha’s wild chemistry. and that chemistry is easily explained by the fact that misha and jensen are literally just wildly horny bisexuals who were crazily attracted to one another and were falling in love on screen before our very eyes. and when you have THAT insider info(which sounds cray doesn’t it!!!! the destiel actors are in love irl??? huh???) everything really does click into place. why destiel got SO popular when the show and actors never ever intended for it to happen.(i know some people think misha was playing cas as gay the whole time for shits and giggles, and i won’t deny that[especially considering he found out early on that destiel was why he was staying on the show], but i don’t think he really wanted it to amount to anything, nor did he care??? i mean he has the real thing with jensen, for one, so their characters aren’t really as important. for two, he loves joking about destiel because it’s a cultural phenomenon and it’s fascinating, and i’m sure he did ship it because he’s unhinged, but i don’t think it was vastly important to him either way.) destiel got popular because everyone was and is unintentionally reading into the real deal. i could pull up countless gifs that people have used as destiel proof that is actually just jensen and misha being messy. mainly jensen. if i’m being honest. the symbiotic relationship between destiel and cockles is why i’ve stayed onboard the destielcule and shellerscape for three solid months now; because it is utterly fascinating to witness and kind of super beautiful, too.

5. alma(and others). so. i do NOT want to really REALLY get into this in its entirety here and now so i will just give you my opinion on if i think alma is misha or not. also; i don’t want to mention the other poetry accounts here bc i feel like that’s a bigger breach in privacy, but a lot of people do know about alma now. way too many, actually. this is why we can’t have nice things. anyway-to answer your question-there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that yes, misha is running that alma poetry account. i am 100% certain. some people think it’s actually three people and they’re all connected to misha in some way but that is so needlessly complicated. as it goes in psychology; the easiest explanation is probably the right one. it’s just one person running that account, and it is misha collins. i don’t know why it’s so hard to believe KNOWN POET misha collins(who is known to spend most of his free time writing poetry anyway) would have created a secret poetry account to write about his intense secret relationship under an alias and also get legitimate feedback since no one used to know it was him. oh and the handwriting is identical??? you are blind if you do not see that i am sorry. and a million other things prove it’s misha too but yeah all you need to know is yes. it’s him. it would take a literal livestream from a random woman on that account to convince me otherwise. and honestly not even that because a random woman could technically still log in if misha asked her too. so. it would take a hell of a lot to convince me otherwise, clearly. that said DO NOTTTTTTTTTTTT GO ONTO THAT ACCOUNT WITH A SUPERNATURAL RELATED USERNAME AND COMMENT THINGS THAT ARE COCKLES RELATED. ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT’S OKAY. sorry i got heated but god please just don’t be dumb so many people have already gone way too far

6. thank you for your lovely compliment on my analyses!!! i love doing them but i don’t know if people actually like reading them so i really appreciate it

#liz answers #cockles ask #mini analysis #spec #mine

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tokiro07 · 3 years

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I had an interesting moment of introspection earlier

I was thinking about how, even eight years later, I still consider Medaka Box to be my favorite series of all time, despite the fact that I spend very little time thinking about it anymore

I believe this to be because of how strong of an emotional response I have to thinking about it as opposed to how much time I spend thinking about it, but that’s not really what this is about

While I was pondering that, I remembered that I once said “Tsurubami Kamome is my favorite character in anything ever” or something to that effect. At the time, I couldn’t imagine liking any character more than my favorite character from my favorite series. While I’ve held true to Medaka Box being my favorite series, I realized that Tsurubami’s position as “favorite from my favorite” did not, in fact, mean that I liked him more than any other character ever

The title of “favorite character from anything” has definitively been usurped by Monet from One Piece

So as I do, I started thinking about why. It’s no secret that I love One Piece very dearly, but if asked point blank, One Piece would probably be my third favorite series after Medaka Box and Undead Unluck (though UU could be subject to change depending on how its story goes moving forward), so why is my favorite from my third favorite series my favorite character overall?

Both Tsurubami and Monet have character traits that I enjoy (not their green hair, I didn’t learn Tsurubami was a green boy until much later!!), but I don’t think there’s anything fundamental about their personalities that I necessarily gravitate towards. After running through their respective stories in my head, I realized that the main difference between them is how they’re treated by their authors. More specifically, they are a perfect example of “show don’t tell”

Tsurubami was meant to be a mysterious “Dark Hero” type character, someone who only ever really works in the shadows, never receiving the spotlight or recognition for his actions. He was “the man who could not become the main character,” despite how many “main character-like” traits he had. His backstory and broken powerset were both meant to evoke the kind of character you would expect a traditional shonen manga to have as the lead, but you experience literally none of that on-screen

Sure, you see Tsurubami activate Octopus and Provocation Style, but you never actually see him fight with them. You never see the situation he grew up in, no flashbacks, nothing. Everything we learn about him is either told to us by Ajimu (”he is known as Lonely Birthday;” “he’s the son of the man that Medaka killed,” etc.) or the narrator (”Tsurubami has a Plus, Minus, and a Style!;” “Tsurubami’s Plus, Spinning Angler, allows him to manipulate the rotation and revolution of the Earth itself! But he’s never actually used it,” etc.). The way people talk about him makes him sound like he would be very cool to see in action and read an entire story about it, but...he doesn’t get any of that

The climax of his character arc, coming face to face with the father he thought was dead and who abandoned him, whose notes inspired the development of Tsurubami’s Style and presumably his Minus, ends in one panel before Tsurubami is able to even start his attack. He’s fighting an enemy so absurdly broken that just thinking about fighting him results in loss. The point of Tsurubami’s character was ultimately to mock shonen tropes, and while that serves the overall tone and narrative that Medaka Box is meant to have, it inevitably means that Tsurubami as a character is effectively the butt of a cosmic joke

Monet, on the other hand, is given very little explicit detail. What are we told about Monet by other characters or Oda? We’re told the gist of her backstory, that she and Sugar grew up in an unfortunate environment before being saved by Doflamingo, and that she asked Law to perform a surgery that turned her into a harpy. That’s it. Everything else we know about her we learn from context clues, visuals, and her own actions

What is Monet interested in? Astronomy. How do we know? We see her reading from and taking notes on astronomy textbooks

What kind of person is she? She’s pragmatic, detail-oriented and sadistic, but also protective, shy, and surprisingly kind. How do we know? She walks us through her thought-processes with logic, she laughs at enemies that she knows she has an advantage over, she flies into a rage when “her children” are at risk of being taken from her, she blushes when Sanji calls her beautiful, and she asks Law to heal the already “saved” victims of Punk Hazard. That’s not even to mention her fierce loyalty to Doflamingo, exhibited by her willingness to throw away everything, even her life, to protect him and his ambitions

Even her powerset, while a lot simpler than Tsurubami’s (turning into and controlling snow vs. rotational manipulation + immobilization/attraction + provocation) is fleshed out so well that it almost feels like she can do anything. Snow constructs, damage nullification, wind, hypothermia inducement, shapeshifting, medium-based teleportation, bodily fortification, etc. She only has ONE power, but its versatility is demonstrated through action, while Tsurubami has THREE powers that are only light shown at best and any depth or creativity that they could allow is completely left up to the reader’s imagination

The most that Tsurubami has going for him is his shy and awkward personality, which is demonstrated quite well through his character design (hiding his face behind his bangs), his actions (having difficulty speaking while making eye contact, but also his tendency to go off on long, tangential rants once he’s begun speaking), and his dialogue (his obsession with being seen as mature, to the point where he claims not to read Shonen Jump because it’s for kids while at the same time he reads Jump Square, which is ALSO a shonen magazine by the way, for fanservice series like To-Love-Ru Darkness)

Tsurubami is fun to read because his personality is front and center, and that’s honestly fine since all of the other “extraneous” parts of his character are meant to be window dressing for advancing the plot or elaborating on the themes of the story, but Monet is actually an enigma that Oda wants you to think is just a straightforward minion. At face value, Monet is super easy to ignore and forget, but once you spend any time digging deeper you find an intricate trail of bread crumbs that paints a completely new character

There doesn’t seem to be any intention for Tsurubami to be any deeper than he is, and any pretense that there was such intention was revealed to be just another part of the bit once he was off-screened at the height of his character arc, but Monet is the opposite, a deeper character under a shallow facade. It’s no wonder I’m so much more attached to her, her character was designed in such a way that it necessitated actual effort in order to gain a complete understanding of her

In short, both Tsurubami and Monet are meant to pull the rug out from under us. Nisio Isin told us that Tsurubami was interesting so that he could reveal later that he was meaningless, while Oda told us that Monet was meaningless so he could reveal later that she was interesting. Even if Oda never does choose to reveal that, though, the clues he left behind paint so much better of a picture than those that Nisio Isin did with Tsurubami

There’s a lot to love about both of them, but the character that’s meant to be surprisingly deep is obviously going to hold my attention more than the character that’s meant to be surprisingly shallow

#one piece #monet #harpy monet #medaka box #tsurubami kamome #analysis #writing #eiichiro oda #nisio isin

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sammysdewysensitiveeyes · 3 years

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So, Marauders 20......

I have to admit, I loved this issue. Because it was most definitely a spotlight on Storm issue, giving her one last moment of awesome before she leaves the book. In fact, the entire issue was just everyone sitting around telling their favorite Storm stories. And it was great!

Under a read more, because this got long:

We get to see Storm being a badass:

And again:

Storm being both badass and compassionate:

I love this scene between Storm and Emma so much. It acknowledges the history that they have, and how they have progressed in this series to a greater understanding of each other. Also, unrelated, but the significance of the bullet-shaped broach that Emma gives to Kitty is wonderful and I love it.

Storm being practical:

This is just precious and adorable. I also really like the interaction between Storm and Kitty in this series. Storm is letting her take the lead while also still being “mom.”

There’s also a scene with Storm taking out all of her knives, since the group has a bet going about how many she carries:

We get to see a flashback of Bishop pulling a clever trick, in which he gets humans to surrender just by pretending that Storm is there with them. (she wasn’t there, it was a total bluff) Hell yeah, Bishop:

Pyro actually gets to speak! Like, a significant amount of dialogue!

I already commented about the bet he and Storm had going about how long he would stay with the team, which is very cute. This scene is downright adorable. Storm seems just....affectionately amused by Pyro. (He is, of course, completely wrong about her number of knives. She has way more than three.) Pyro making bets here also fits in with a headcanon I have for him. It’s not clear how much crime Pyro was getting into before he joined the Brotherhood, but given that he had a successful civilian career, I’m guessing that he didn’t really have much of a record, if any, beforehand. But I could still imagine Pyro being kind of wild and indulging in a few “vices,” especially gambling. He seems like he has the kind of impulsive, thrill-seeking personality that would be into gambling. I could imagine him having money troubles because he’s wracked up a few gambling debts. Hell, maybe that’s one of the things that attracted him to the Brotherhood, the promise of easy money and some thrills.

Also, since I always have a lot to say about Pyro: I find it interesting that Pyro’s praise of Storm involves her solving problems with a minimum of violence. He obviously admires badasses and any show of force, but Duggan seems to be hinting at an arc in which he learns some restraint and less violent solutions. He seems to admire Storm here not just for being a badass, but for solving the problem without going over the top and “setting anyone on fire.” I also like the sense of easy camaraderie Pyro seems to have with most of the crew here. And I like how he’s drawn, especially on this page - he still has some of that “bony, long-faced” look without necessarily being “ugly.”

(Also Storm is so cute in the bottom panel, so cute!)

We also see Emma talking to Sebastian, and Sebastian actually not being treated like a strawman for Emma to knock down. Like, he actually has some dignity and even sympathy in this scene? I’m not sure I actually trust Duggan not to do something horrible in the next few issues, since he seems to enjoy bashing Sebastian so very much, but I appreciate this moment in which Sebastian is allowed to sound intelligent and human:

LOL at Emma asking Sebastian why he’s not with the others. Emma, you and Kitty beat the shit out of him, are wheeling him around everywhere like your little pet, and everyone on the boat either openly hates or is apathetic towards him. Of course he doesn’t want to hang out.

But still, this is a nice moment when neither of them is being hateful towards each other, and it doesn’t feel like the usual “Emma steps all over Sebastian” scene that we’ve been getting. I don’t know what will happen with Lourdes return, maybe it will turn into more Sebastian-bashing, but I appreciate this scene for what it is.

Of course, being me, I still have complaints.

I think the main complaint is that this issue, as much as I love it, feels like Duggan is playing catch up. Like he said, “Oh wait, I need character development for the rest of the crew!” and tried to cram as much as possible into one issue, after spending about 20 issues mostly shining a giant spotlight on Kitty and Emma. I really love the little interludes we get, the hints of other missions that the Marauders have been undertaking, but it’s a bit frustrating that we didn’t actually get to see most of that as it happened. We got three full issues of nothing but Kitty’s funeral, Kitty’s return, and the Sebastian beat-down revenge, but we only get a little snippet of Bishop and Pyro going on a mission together in Angola? (Sorry, I will never shut up about the funeral-return party issues, because even though they probably fit the story that Duggan is telling, it felt extremely self-indulgent. Like fan-fic level self-indulgent. You’re really gonna spend that many pages mourning a character that we all know is coming back immediately?) Hey Duggan, was that the Bishop and Pyro story that you mentioned way back in an interview? Are we ever going to get that? I don’t mind the idea that the Marauders have, of course, been running more missions than we get to see, but it feels like a bit of a cheat. Like Iceman and Pyro’s moment in the last issue, it feels like a lot of the Bishop/Iceman/Pyro character development has been happening in the background, and Duggan is just showing us the results and expecting us to accept it. “Oh, by the way, Iceman and Pyro are buddies now. And he and Bishop went on a mission to Angola, but I couldn’t bother showing you that, I had to show Kitty and Emma riding on horses instead.”

Iceman just standing there while Storm beats the shit out of Hate-Monger feels like a metaphor for his whole role in the series. At least he got to talk in this issue, and sit next to Christian. And Christian got a line! Are he and Iceman still dating? We don’t know, Duggan won’t tell us!

Poor Shinobi didn’t get to speak at all, but I’m glad to see him there, regardless. Duggan seems sympathetic to Shinobi, and I hope that means good things coming for him down the line.

So basically, I’m glad for what we got for Storm, and for the boys. I hope we get more of it in upcoming issues, but I also wish this stuff had been spread out more organically through the series. As much as I complain about all the focus on Emma and Kitty, it isn’t really that I want them to have less focus, I just wish that the monthly books were twice as long so that other team members could have equal time to shine, and Duggan would still have space for self-indulgent horse-back riding scenes (no, I’ll never shut up about that, either.)

I’m fully expecting the Gala issues to be almost entire Emma-Sebastian focused (although it would be great if we got some Shinobi as well), so I’m just trying to prepare myself for it now.

#storm #ororo munroe #pyro #st john allerdyce

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orbitariums · 4 years

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war nymph | bucky barnes ♡

request: ooo write something of bucky and an asgardian reader (who’s thor and loki’s sister) and is the goddess of war. and like they just came back from a mission or something like that. the reader shows off her skills/powers and bucky gets turn on? make it rough and kinky 😳

note: the title is inspired by grimes’ creation called “war nymph”, that’s also yn’s avenger name/goddess name. i know a nymph isn’t the same as a goddess buttt idc! quickly (kind of) written, straight to the point! also i love the idea of an asgardian goddess who’s loki & thor’s sister (we not talking ab hela but i love her too LOL). def would write drabbles/headcanons ab this character if y’all want that. lmk!

word count: 2.6k exactly!

warnings: smut, nsfw, slight voyeurism kink, rough, cute trash talk, both reader and bucky have dom energy? which is fun

here we go!!

"She does it again," Thor praised you, smothering you as he placed his arm around your shoulder.

You, Thor, and Bucky were all getting on the Quinjet, joining a few of the others - that included Steve, Natasha, and Sam. You had just completed another mission in which you were to find and possibly disarm an 0-8-4. You came to find out the weapon originated from a Hydra base, and it was mostly with your help that the weapon was able to be disarmed, and that you were able to escape the Hydra members who tried to stop you from doing just that.

Thor and Bucky weren't completely useless, of course, but this was a time when your abilities as a war goddess of Asgardia shone. You could quickly disarm weapons and multitask by beating the shit out of someone at once, whether it be with your brute strength of through the use of a weapon. You were familiar with every weapon there was, and incredibly skilled in many fighting tactics. If there ever were a mission for you, it was this one. They called you War Nymph, a title no one dared to challenge.

"Get off me, you big slob," you grimaced, wriggling away from your brother Thor's grasp. You'd grown up with Thor on Asgard - you were an Asgardian first, and an Avenger second. Your family, specifically your brothers Thor and Loki, always came first. You were always respected on Asgard for your abilities — now they were being put to further use on the Avengers team.

"And to think I was complimenting you," Thor scoffed, being dramatic as usual.

"You're not wrong to. What would you ever do without me?" you teased, prompting Bucky to chime in.

"She's right. I gotta say, I'm impressed."

Bucky Barnes — where to start with him? Sergeant turned Winter Soldier turned Avenger turned... boy toy? You didn't know how exactly your relationship with Bucky was to be defined, but it was definitely physical. Around others, you communicated through mostly sarcastic remarks, but away from the others, it was a different story - still sarcastic remarks, except during your sexual encounters.

So, true to your nature, you quickly quipped,

"I gotta say, I can't say the same to you, Barnes."

"Oh, really?" Bucky raised his brows with a playful smirk.

"Easy," Natasha intervened, gearing up the Quinjet. "We don't need a repeat of what happened last time you two started with the sarcastic remarks."

"Oh, you can say that again," Steve scoffed, settling into the seat next to Natasha while you and Bucky leaned against the walls opposite each other, smirking knowingly at each other.

"It wasn't that bad," you rolled your eyes.

"We all almost died," Sam snapped.

Last time you and Bucky had your gos at each other, you ended up "play fighting", in the meeting room. But "play fighting" between a war goddess with multiple superpowers, including telekinesis and super strength, and an advanced combatant with super strength, wasn't your typical idea of a play fight. Of course when the rest of the team broke it up, you continued in private... but maybe "fighting" wasn't the right word to use.

"Oh, don't be such a baby, Sam," Thor smiled. He was well versed in play fighting with you and Loki as a youth on Asgard, and even he had been at the bad end of your powers.

You on the other hand had moved on from the conversation, more interested in sharpening just one of your many knives.

"Really though. I'm very impressed, War Nymph. You never fail to impress me more and more every single time," Bucky said, and unbeknownst to the others, in his voice there was a secret tone, one only you could decipher - he would be showing his appreciation greatly when you landed. It was so clear to see. The more you showcased your powers, the more you proved your many abilities, the more Bucky wanted you, the more he admired you.

Your knife made a sharp "shing" noise and you smirked, Bucky's needy eyes traveling to the source of the sound - ogling your trusty hands.

"I'm sure," you winked.

By the time you got home, Bucky was desperate, trailing behind your feet like a lost, yet murderous puppy. He wanted you, and he wanted you now. He made that known, whispering in your ear, his lips far too close to your neck to just be work-related chatter. Still you kept things under wraps, promising him "soon, soldier." The entirety of your debrief meeting was spent with a frustrated Bucky glaring at you with a dead face, but you knew behind his expression lurked a fire.

When it was all over, you and Bucky were the last two in the room.

"Meet in my room?" you asked, but Bucky was silent.

He shook his head slowly, approaching you with a stern look on his face.

"No. Let's just do this here."

"Here?" you laughed, looking around the deserted meeting room, which had glass panels that could easily be walked past and seen through. "You can't be serious-"

But apparently he was, because he had you pushed against the wall, lips pressed against yours, cutting you off and silencing you with ease. So all that need in his eyes hadn't been just for show, and you felt it through his pants as well. The kiss became passionate and sloppy, burning with desire. You moaned into his mouth, making him even harder, and started feeling the tell tale signs of arousal - your beating heart to match your other beating heart.

"Bucky-" you panted, the minute his lips detached from yours, breathless. His hands ran along your body and tugged at your clothing, wanting every bit of it off. "Someone could see-"

You were grasping on to every bit of logic that you had left, and there wasn't much. Bucky made you delirious with desire, made your heart race like no other, and you had the same effect on him. Logic wasn't necessarily winning here. You wanted him, and you wanted him now. And he had made it very clear that he didn't care where he had you.

He smirked, looking into your eyes with a mischievous glint in his own,

"You act like that's such a bad thing."

You rolled your eyes, pulling him back in - he had you all figured out. The idea of someone seeing the two of you, though horrifying, was also incredibly arousing. Whatever it was, it got adrenaline pumping through your veins like nobody's business. You didn't really care, who were you fooling?

"Just fuck me," you murmured against the hot skin of his neck, guiding his hand into your pants, feeling the cool metal of his prosthetic hand against your wet pussy, gliding back and forth against your slick folds.

"Are you bossing me around?" Bucky teased, grinding his hips against you so you felt the outline of his cock against your core.

"Yes," you retorted. "And that's an order."

It wasn't long before both your uniforms were off, and you both did this quickly, your nimble fingers working to complete the task. You needed to make this quick, and if that meant it was rough, then so be it. You weren't usually gentle, anyways. But Bucky took his time going down on you anyway, kneeling on the floor and kissing hot, wet kisses against your stomach and thighs as he went down, your hand tugging at his long, black hair. You domineered him as he buried his head between your thighs, sucking and kissing at your clit while his tongue worked your slit. You raised up one of your legs and settling your foot on his shoulder so he had easier access to you.

"Look at me," you forced his head up, hand tugging harshly at his hair, and he moaned into your throbbing core as you made intense eye contact with each other. You couldn't help but sigh in pleasure, leaning your head back against the wall. You had forgotten the dangers of doing this long ago, now you were lost in satisfaction. "Fuck, Bucky, you eat it so good," you moaned precariously, making his dick twitch in his boxers.

He wanted to make you come two ways - on his face and with his cock inside you, and he would work to ensure that it happened. When it came to sex with Bucky, you were both competing with each other to give the other the most pleasure, to be the most dominant. You were the perfect mix, two competitive assholes with superpowers.

He kitten licked up from your entrance to your clit, all the while rubbing his fingers in circular motions against your clit, sure to use the hand with the metal arm, which you loved so much. Your hips bucked against his tongue and you began to roll your hips up and down against his face, moaning and whimpering at the access he had to you. He let you do this for a while before pulling back and instead pushing two cold fingers in, making your hips twitch at the unexpected sensation. He curved his fingers upwards and had you hooked, fucking down on his fingers, to his astonishment.

"That's it baby, fuck my fingers," he praised you, and attached his lips to your clit again, sucking and licking. "Am I good for you? Good enough to make you come?"

You gasped out the words,

"Yes, Bucky, fuck. So good for me, baby, I'm gonna cum."

"Go ahead," he started thrusting his fingers in and out faster, harder, feeling his knuckles bottom out against your skin, which was glazed over with your arousal and his spit. He watched as his fingers disappeared inside of you, still aiming his tongue just above his fingers so he could taste you when you finished. He always wanted to taste you, to feel you in your entirety - there was something about an Asgardian war goddess that was irresistible.

You came with a cry of shock, and slowly rolled your hips around Bucky's fingers as he pressed his tongue against you to taste you.

"Fuck," you sighed, licking your lips and breathing harshly.

"Taste yourself," Bucky insisted, rising to his feet and pressing his lips against yours, initiating a long and needy kiss. You palmed him through his boxers, feeling his hard cock in your hands, before slowly bringing him out, stroking him softly and tugging at him. He chuckled darkly. "You're playing a dangerous game."

"They call me War Nymph. I'm always playing dangerous," you smirked, locking eyes with him.

He hummed, nodding almost understandingly.

"Hmm. I'm not quite done with you yet."

"I was hoping that wasn't your A-game," you teased.

"Oh, far from it," Bucky quipped back, smiling playfully, until all playfulness was over and he had you turned around, his hand pressing down into your back. "Fucking bend over," he leaned over you and whispered in your ear.

You whimpered at the command and did as you were told, supporting yourself with your hands against the wall and arching your back. Bucky found no use in waiting, and you felt the tip of his cock toying at your entrance at record speed, slicking himself in your arousal and watching as he teased your folds.

"Fuck," he whispered, his jaw clenching hard.

"It can be yours, soldier. You just have to earn it," you panted out, glancing over your shoulders to get a good look at him.

You knew that would motivate him, and it did more than that. He slammed into you with no regards, making your whole body lurch forward. You both let out obscene moans at the feeling of his sudden entrance. You felt his cock stretch you out, filling you up amazingly, and he felt the stretch of your walls around him, a reminder of his size.

"You like when I stretch you out?" Bucky prompted, and you moaned quietly in response, only making him buck his hips harder into you, in search of a proper answer. Again that metal arm came in contact with your warm skin, only this time his hand was wrapped around your neck, forcing you to look up, almost at him, while he fucked into you from behind. "I asked a question."

You moaned, your voice ragged and breathless in addition to the hand over your throat,

"Fuck, yes, Bucky. It's so fucking good."

"Yeah? Is it mine? Did I earn it?" he panted, slowing his thrusts and rolling his hips in so he fucked deep inside of you, so you felt it in your stomach, your walls clenching around him.

You nearly cried out,

"Yes, yes you earned it, it's your pussy, Bucky, make it yours."

"Mhm," he moaned, his breaths unstable. He slid in and out of you slowly and gently, going as deep as he could, silencing himself just to hear your moans and pants. Then he got an idea, sliding almost all the way out. "Fuck yourself, YN."

You moaned at the delicious thought, whimpering as you moved your hips back on him while he stood still, cherishing the feeling of his cock gliding against your walls, wanting to savor every part of him. He was big, and thick, and you could tell as you fucked back onto him. You started out slow, until Bucky brought his hand on the small of your back and started to guide you, slowly but surely, until you were moving faster, making little moans escape from your lips each time your ass met his thighs. It was rough and hard, the way he fucked you, his hand making you move faster each time.

"So good, baby," Bucky moaned, almost whining, and watched as your body followed his lead with ease. "I'm close."

"Oh god, me too," you panted, and he started to slam into you to get you to that point, listening to the pretty moans and practical screams that left your mouth at that point. If it weren't for the fact that the meeting room was sound proof, by now everyone would've heard you, and it was just pure luck that no one had walked past yet.

But when you came, it was explosive, and Bucky's orgasm followed soon after, your orgasms falling on top of one another's, colliding in such a divine way. You kept your hips rocking back on his, wanted to stay there until the sound of footsteps reminded you that such a thing would be irresponsible. You got dressed in record speed, practically throwing Bucky's clothes out of the way. You had your needs, but you were still a goddess. You wouldn't be caught slipping, even if this wasn't a bad way to "slip." You adjusted yourself, back to normal by the time Scott walked past and waved mindlessly, with no clue of what you and Bucky had just been up to.

"'It's your pussy'?" Bucky repeated, quoting you with a knowing smile on his lips as he cocked his head.

You scoffed,

"Don't get too ahead of yourself, Barnes. I was only saying that so you would fuck me for real. You've done better."

"Oh yeah?" Bucky grinned, matching your playful insults easily.

"Oh yeah, much better. But this wasn't half bad," you smirked, running your hand along his face. You gave his cheek a gentle slap. "Ok! I'll see you."

"See you," Bucky replied.

As you walked away, you turned to note,

"You should appreciate my skills more often. You know, if it's going to lead to this."

"Sure thing."

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #marvel #marvel smut #marvel imagine #orbitariums #smut

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shinsorokiri · 4 years

Text

UA Idol | Chapter One

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 2,058

Warnings: Language, big anxiety

A/N: So here’s chapter one! This is the first My Hero fic I’ve ever written and published, so I hope everyone who reads it enjoys it! Now, there’s gonna be a lot of chapters. I’m not sure how many yet, but it will be updated every week, so every Saturday (where I live) is when I will upload! There will also be a tag list, so let me know if you would like to be on it. I have a lot of ideas for this, and I hope I’m able to translate them through writing. Anyways, please enjoy!

UA Idol Masterlist

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You anxiously picked at the number stickered onto your thigh. “Mina, I really don’t think I should be here, this is a lot,” you mumble, motioning your head to the camera crew in front of you setting up. “Oh shush, (Y/n/n). The only reason they’re interviewing us is because we’re cute and are friends and they’re hoping one of us will get through while the other doesn’t and there will be drama, and we both know that if that happens there will only be support. Although I think we’ll both get through. You especially.” You snort at her enthusiasm and shake your head. “Definitely not, but okay. Whatever you say.”

“Okay! Give us your name and where you two are from and if you have any specific reason you’re here.”

“Well, I’m Mina and I’m from Tokyo, and this is (Y/n) and she’s from (hometown). We’re actually roommates and best friends, not to brag, but I’m really here to support her! She’s amazing!”

“Literally shut up, Mina you’re better than me,” you mumble, rolling your eyes at your enthusiastic best friend. “I most definitely am not! Besides, this is a great fuck you to your ex. You know the one who told you that you would never be able to become a singer and shit on you every opportunity he got.”

“Yeah. Thank you for bringing him up.”

“Yes! Thank you for bringing him up! Could you talk about him a little more? If that’s okay?”

You stare at the producer and sigh. “Yeah. Sure, whatever. I had a boyfriend a while back who didn’t support me in my artsy ways. Since he was older, he would always make sure I knew that he thought it was a childish hobby, and that I should grow up and do something that I would actually be able to survive on. He kind of ruined my love for music, but after he broke up with me, I got it back since it was how I coped with it.”

“So, you’re here to get back at him? Show him what you’re made of?”

“Well, no... but that would be pretty dope, not gonna lie, he can go fuck himself,” you say, with a small smirk on your face. After a few more questions about your ex-boyfriend and yours and Mina’s crippling student debt, the producers wander off to someone else. “They are totally using your story for television,” Mina says, and you scoff. “They only use stories for people who they want the audience to vote for, I know how these shows work,” you say, glancing around and having your eyes land on the next poor soul the producers trapped. Looked like it was a very sleepy purple haired e-boy. Damn. He’d for sure make it through if this competition was based off of looks alone. How the hell were you supposed to compete with people who looked like that. “I don’t think I should be here, Mina,” you mumble, tearing your eyes away from him. Unbeknownst to you your gaze was replaced by his as his quick little interview ended. “What? (Y/n), stop with that! What were you just looking at that made you even think that?” Mina asks, frantically searching around. “Well the producers were-”

“Oh my god! Denki?! (Y/n), that’s one of the guys I was really good friends with when we were in high school, come on you have to meet him,” Mina cuts you off, literally dragging you over. “Mina?! Why didn’t you tell me you were gonna be here?! We have phones you know,” You watch the blonde with a black streak in his hair tackle your best friend in a hug with an unamused expression. You didn’t want to meet anyone. You were tired. The anxiety of this situation kept you up all night long. Then again, staying up all night was normal for you. At least you looked bomb though. You felt the burning sensation of someone staring at you, so naturally you turn your head in that direction. Your eyes were met with the back of the purple haired boys messy head, but no one was looking though, so you shrug it off. Probably someone just scoping out the competition or something. “Denki, this is-”

“Contestants number 14788 and 14789? Follow me please,” a producer cuts off Mina and you feel a wave of anxiety wash over you. You grip the neck of your guitar tighter than you had been gripping it before. It’s not performing that makes you nervous, it’s performing in front of the panel of world-renowned judges that makes you nervous. And try as you might you can’t hide it. “Oh, shit, sorry Denki, I’ll talk to you after, okay? See ya!”

“Break a leg, Mina,” Denki says as Mina links arms with you and pulls you along with her happy steps. “I’ll introduce him to you after we both make it, I wanna know more about his friend anyways, so he better not leave until I interrogate him,” she starts rambling and you laugh a bit. “Awww, does Mina have a crush on the purple haired boy? Pink and purple go well together, you know.”

“No, she doesn’t. She thinks that you would look great with him though.”

“No. Not happening.”

“Come on, (Y/n), you gotta put yourself out there! It’s been two whole years since he who shall not be named broke up with you, you can-”

“Mina. Drop it. Please.”

“…Okay. So, I’m going first. hopefully I come out with a golden ticket, but if I don’t don’t let that psych you out, okay? You got this you crazy talented bitch,” Mina says, trying to lighten the mood. She knows you don’t want to be in a relationship ever again after what happened with your ex, but she can’t help it. She loves playing matchmaker and she just wants you to be happy. Recently you’ve been a little sadder the usual, so she’s concerned. It was like she turned back time to when you two first moved into your apartment and you were dealing with school and your douche of an ex. She knows you find Denki’s friend attractive, he’s 100% your type and you two would look amazing as a couple. Not to mention that his friend just so happened to be staring at you at any moment you weren’t looking in his general direction. Not able to read her mind going 100 miles a minute, you just nod at her words as you come face to face with the most famous emcee there is. Hizashi Yamada. Better known as his stage name, Present Mic, PM for short. “HELLO!!! You two look amazing! You ready to become the next UA Idol or what?!” he says, way too enthusiastically. You always wondered just how loud he was in real life, and he rivals Mina. That’s saying something. “I’m totally ready!” she responds, and you laugh at PM’s face when he realizes she’s just as loud, if not louder, than him. “So, you’re both auditioning, right? Are you going together? Separate?”

“Separate, we’re just here to wait outside for moral support,” Mina responds, and he nods. “Awesome! Well, tell me your names! If you two get through to Hell Week there’s a good chance you’ll be televised, so I would like to just talk for a minute!” he says, and you both introduce yourselves again. “Amazing! I’m assuming you two are great friends, I mean you must be pretty important to each other to have it just be you two with no partners or family or anything coming. Reminds me of me and Aizawa!”

“Yeah, but we’re just best friends actually! And roommates, we moved here away from our families and we’re both single, so all we have is each other,” Mina says, pulling you into a quick little squeeze. Present Mic screams something about how adorable that was before wishing Mina luck and sending her in. Shockingly, you’re both quiet as you hear her audition begin, and unsurprisingly, she flawlessly hits all the notes in Lady Marmalade. Her voice isn’t only loud when she talks, after all. PM’s eyes go big as he points at the door, looking at you and mouthing “She’s really good!” You just grin and nod. This isn’t news to you. After hearing her blast Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey all the time and belting out their runs and matching their high notes for about three years, it’s not shocking to you how great she can sing this song. Eventually, her singing stops, and PM waits a minute or two before he begins talking again, not necessarily quiet, but quieter than before. “I did not expect that kind of soul to come out of that little body of hers!”

“Yeah, she can be unpredictable like that... now imagine living with her,” you mumble, half kidding and half serious, but he laughs at that. Loudly. Not even a moment later, Mina walks through the doors and violently shakes the ticket in her hand at you. “I DID IT! I DID IT, KICK ASS, TAKE NAMES, AND MAKE SURE YOU COME TO HELL WEEK WITH ME SO YOU’RE NOT ALONE AT THE APARTMENT FOR A WHOLE WEEK!”

“I won’t be alone; Nyx will be there she is great company.”

“(Y/n), she is a black cat.”

“She is our third roommate and you will treat her as such,” you point your finger at her before PM gives you the clear to go in the room. “Make sure to hit your mark! That’s the tape shaped like a T on the floor! Break a leg,” he says, giving you two thumbs up. You nervously make your way through the short hallway, eventually landing right smack in the middle of the room. You make sure to hit the mark, as PM instructed, and you need to tell yourself to calm down as you look at four of the most influential people in music. In front of you sat Shouta Aizawa, Keigo Takami, Nemuri Kayama, and Toshinori Yagi.

Better known as just Aizawa, a well-known singer-songwriter. He stays behind the scenes mostly, and the rumor is he’s written over 20,000 songs for himself as well as other artists. The majority of course go to other artists, as he isn’t a big fan of all the fame and things, but the few albums he’s put out have some of your favorite songs ever written. He’s genuinely someone you’ve been looking up to for years upon years.

Then there’s Keigo Takami, who is known as Hawks. He chose his stage name because he’s always admired the strength and freedom of hawks and he decided that he wanted to be the same way. And he is, he literally can do everything. Every song of his sounds different, varying from rock to country. A lot of people really support his country music considering he calls his fans his chickadees. People just think it fits. The genre he seems to gravitate toward the most is definitely more of a rock vibe, even having his own band. And yes, the band’s emblem is a pair of red wings.

Next to him is Nemuri Kayama, or Midnight. She’s a world-famous popstar, but she makes sure to include some soul sounding belts in every single one of her songs. She’s Mina’s literal idol, and the amount of times you’ve had to listen to Midnight’s songs? So many. So many times. Not that you were complaining, her voice is amazing. You just wished she didn’t sing about love and sex all the fucking time.

And finally, there’s Toshinori Yagi. People tend to shorten his name to Nori, but he’s the most famous judge here. Not only does he own the All Might Record Label, he has won 11 Grammys, his music is played everywhere all the time, and he manages some of the biggest stars today. Unlike his rival record company, Endeavor Records, it’s said that Toshinori is ridiculously nice as well as a little strange, but in comparison to Enji Todoroki? The nicest man to walk the planet. 100%. Not to mention he’s also a singer himself. His songs are instant smashes, and everyone loves his voice. Even if he isn’t mean, he’s so ridiculously powerful in the business.

To say you were intimidated was an understatement.

#shinsou x reader #hitoshi shinsou x reader #shinso x reader #hitoshi shinso x reaedr #my hero academia x reader #bnha x reader #boku no hero x reader #shinsou #hitoshi shinsou #shinso #hitoshi shinso #my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #anime

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justfinishedreading · 4 years

Photo

I started October thinking ‘man, I have so many manga to review I’m going to be posting stuff every other day!’. Didn’t happen.

A Bride’s Story, Volume 1, by Kaoru Mori

This manga is set in nineteenth-century central Asia, along the Silk Road, it’s the story of a twenty-year-old woman sent from her nomadic tribe to marry a twelve-year-old boy in a settled clan. They arrange the marriage in order to maintain family bonds between the two households.

This was never going to be an easy read but let me start with the positive; visually A Bride’s Story is utterly beautiful, Kaoru Mori draws with a level of detail I have never before encountered in manga. Written literature is often placed above graphic novels with the excuse that there’s more artistry and depth when a world is bring created solely through vast amounts of words rather than images, and yet here is a case where literature could never compete. The written word could never compete with Mori’s exquisite illustrations of nomadic dress, patterned carpets and wood carvings. In A Bride’s Story we get a full visual experience of a culture and way of life that is now rare.

Story-wise this manga falls neatly into the ‘show, don’t tell’ approach of storytelling: lesser mangas would have the characters openly and plainly discussing themes, telling the audience exactly what they should think and what they should take away from the book, but A Bride’s Story presents this time and culture in a neutral way, with both negatives and positives alongside each other, leaving the reader free to assess their own feelings.

Spoilers ahead

Amir, the female protagonist, is warmly welcomed into her new husband’s family. When we think of a young woman having to marry a child in our minds the situation is horrific, to not be able to choose your own husband and on top of that to be forever tied, socially and legally, to a child is the sort of thing made for tragedy. Luckily for Amir her new husband, twelve-year-old Karluk, is good-natured and is full of admiration for his wife. Amir came from a nomadic tribe, she can shoot rabbits with a bow and arrow whilst ridding a galloping horse, she knows how to travel the lands, rear sheep and skin animals. Karluk sees her like a hunter, almost like a warrior, and he sees her like a mother in the way she frets and worries about his health and looks after him.

Amir is lucky because her new family openly accepts her and they view her differences with curiosity and wonder. They are a large family who have created a safe, happy home and together they work to keep it in peace. So the fears that the reader might imagine about an arranged marriage with such an age gap are not necessarily the ones that appear. The antagonists are actually Amir’s own clan, who realize that there’s a potentially more advantageous match to be made and intend to remove her from her current situation and marry her off to someone else.

Another nice surprise is that although this is a patriarchal society in which men make the life-changing decisions, we do a great character in the matriarchal grandmother of Karluk’s family, who displays a strength and resolve that even the men from Amir’s clan revere.

Onto the negatives: there’s a scene in which Amir is telling Karluk to strip naked because out in the desert, in a yurt, it is common practice to sleep nude because it gets very cold and it is warmer to sleep skin to skin. Karluk is clearly uncomfortable with this. Amir’s naked breasts are exposed and sexily drawn. In the next panels we see that sleeping naked together makes Karluk think of lambs sleeping snuggled to their mothers and for him there is nothing sexual in this experience. While the scene is implying that their relationship is more of mother and child, it is still a shock to see Amir’s naked adult body, and it makes us wonder what will happen when Karluk becomes physically more sexually mature but not necessarily mentally mature.

Japan has a deep-rooted obsession with sexualizing youth, it is something that comes up often in manga, anime, literature and media, and I’m always weary of when it might be sneaking its ugly head in more subtle ways. For example a couple of months ago I watched Beastars, which is a anime about anthropomorphic animal-humanoids (e.g. like Zootopia) and while I enjoyed the anime, there was something disturbing about the central couple; a wolf and a bunny rabbit. Compared to the large size of the humanoid wolf the small humanoid bunny looked child-like. The size thing and species thing is done to create sexual tension between the large scary wolf and the cute sweet little bunny, but there was something about the bunny’s small yet sexually developed form, in a school girl uniform, next to an adult-looking man, which just rang alarm bells. Interestingly I think the manga handles this better as the bunny’s body isn’t drawn in such a sexualized and realistic way as in the anime. In the anime there are moments where there is definitely a subtle catering to paedophilic appetites, especially as issues of uncontrollable desire and danger and predator and prey are brought up.

Back to A Bride’s Story, I don’t feel that this is a book that encourages or excuses paedophilia, it is presenting us, in a neutral way, with things that would have happened at the time. When Karluk presents his wife to some distant family members they are shocked, not with the fact that Karluk at age twelve is already married but because a twenty-year-old bride is considered an old bride. The custom is to marry women off young so they have longer to produce children. At the back of the book in the Author’s Notes Mori writes that women would normally be married at the age of 15 or 16, and beside this comment the author has drawn a picture of a young bride, with the following remark “Hey you! Yeah, you, big guy, looking at her like that! Let’s step out into the hallway and have a talk!” So while there’s no direct comment about paedophilia or the sexualization of youth, this one comment does hint that the author is aware of the issue in society, past and present.

One of the things that I am looking forward to in the series is that it will not centre just on Amir and Karluk’s relationship, it seems that other volumes will introduces other bride’s stories, including women who are lesbians or bisexuals and women who perhaps do not identify with a female gender. There is a secondary character in volume 1 called Smith, an Englishman who is studying the culture and customs of Central Asia and I believe that as he travels to different countries this may be how new storylines are introduced to us.

One difficulty I had in reviewing this manga was that I kept wanting to say it is about people from a specific country, however nowhere in the book does it say in which country the action takes place. In a way this is a western problem, it is an understatement to say that many, many a problem has arisen from the West’s desire for defined borders in countries where, at the time, it was not common to have them, places where tribes moved about depending on the seasons and trade. So after some brief research I believe this book explores the cultures of Mongol Nomads, of countries such as Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan that make up Central Asia, and with the potential of exploring influences from neighbouring countries such as China, Russia, Iran and Afghanistan. In the Author’s Notes she also mentions being interested in the Caucasus region of Central Asia, so that may also be countries like Armenia, Azerbaijan and Georgia, and the Caucasus Mountains which create a natural border between Eastern Europe and Western Asia.

One thing is for sure: since A Bride’s Story follows the path of the Silk Road, the crossroads from which Europe and Asia traded, it promises to be a wonderful melting pot of traditions and ideas.

Review by Book Hamster

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8requiems · 4 years

Text

A Webcomic Review of “Deadlove”: I think I am a Sadist now.

Intro

WHOA WHOA WHOAAAA, before you skip this part, I tweaked the process of how I review webcomics after reviewing the webcomic before this one, “Wizard of Arsenia”. The changes aren’t earth shattering, but I just wanted to put that out there.

If you don’t care. I mean, you can skip reading it. I guess it's cool. I don’t mind...not like I didn’t spend time refining it- but it's OKAY.

Before we get into this review, there are two main parts of the review:

The General Review

This route will give you a simple idea of the webcomic you are about to read. It will naturally include my personal opinions, but they will not be inconsistent to any prior or future reviews I do (in the sense that I don’t do double standards when I talk about said webcomics).

Said opinions won’t really dominate this route because I will be mainly establishing what the webcomic has to offer in each part.

Because of this, my opinions will always be presented at the end of each section.

If need be, I will refer to events that might be considered as “spoiler territory”.

I will read as far as I require in order to get a good idea of the story I am reading, so the amount of chapters I read will vary. At a baseline, I will have read at least 10 chapters.

Granted, I doubt anything too important will change how you experience later chapters since it isn’t as, lets say, a “Season Review”.

The only sections that will be fully opinion within this route is: Execution and Conclusion.

2. Beyond the Border

This route will be available if you scroll to the very bottom.

Think of this route as the “New Game+” equivalent of the review.

I will read further either because the story has me hooked, or if I want to see if my criticisms still hold true.

EXPECT TO SEE SPOILERS. ESPECIALLY IF I GAVE THE REQUIEM TRADEMARK COPYRIGHT APPROVED THUMBS UP.

Disclaimer:

If you decide to skip “The General Review” to read “Beyond the Boundary”, don’t let it affect your opinion of the work too much (if you are easily swayed). Despite how open I am to webcomics, I might have opinions that could contradict with how you might view the webcomic if YOU were to read it.

I do advise that you read “The General Review”, and with that information in mind, proceed to “Beyond the Boundary”, if you so wish.

The Description:

*Ahem*

" They say you can’t run away from your problems... and Joel just learned that the hard way. Talk about having cold feet! Joel is all set to marry Kim, his art school sweetheart, but in a moment of poor judgment he has an affair with his roommate Zoe. Hounded by the guilt, but unable to fess up to his fiancé, he decides the most responsible thing to do is... run away. As far and as fast as he can. He now finds himself selling cosmetics at a shopping mall in New Zealand. Sure, he is homesick, and everything is unfamiliar, but at least he can work through his issues in peace and quiet, right? Wrong. Read this comic to find out how Joel’s plans fall apart, and how he puts himself back together, with the help of an unexpected guest… “

Y’know, this is usually the part where I give my own synopsis of the story, at times because the description is in no way useful.

But, I have nothing to add.

I will say that when I first read “Deadlove”, I don’t believe I read the description, and I think not reading it was a welcome surprise considering that although I was expecting a “Comedy with a simplistic art style that is kind of charming”, I think I got a bit more than I bargained for.

I should also note that if it were not from my blind curiosity, and I were to judge it purely on description and the title art, I probably wouldn’t have read it.

It doesn’t do justice towards how creative the Webtoon itself presents its characters and the story it wants to portray.

But we’ll get to that in a minute. For now, let’s get a good idea of the characters we will be following.

Characters:

Joel:

(A panel in the middle of Chapter 1)

As you will quickly understand, Joel as far as life decisions go is the definition of incorrigible. Despite having many opportunities to confront his problems, or even having moments of foresight. These 5 chapters, if you are one to hate misunderstandings or easily resolvable conflicts, will be hell for the reader.

Maybe it was because I was forcing myself to read another webcomic before getting to this one, but I somehow was not personally annoyed by the way Joel was acting.

Granted, if I read this on ANY other day, I would have been seething and/cringing at the sight of this imbecile.

Which, as Creator Teo reveals in his editors notes at the end of every chapter, will be a very common theme.

(The last paragraph of Chapter 2’s Creators Note ^)

(The beginning of Chapter 3’s Creators Note ^)

I think it’s safe to say that Joel's current situation is the logical extreme of not taking responsibility for your poor decisions and refusing to confront and learn from your mistakes.

I feel like because of how his character is written, everyone is going to be on the same page, regardless of personal views on life when reading this webcomic, specifically because of how comically stupid we as the audience see Joel as.

I mean, at the very least that's how I feel…

At the same time, after reading the first chapter multiple times, I decided to set my personal biases aside just so I could be sure Joel is full of shit.

There were two parts of the Webtoon that caught my eye:

^ For this dialogue portion, the part that caught my attention was him brushing past keywords that we have likely heard before when hearing about cheating: “Love isn’t Binary”, “I thought only assholes cheat”, and “She looks hot”.

Now, I could easily be reading too much into these lines, and I probably am. But this isn’t the first time I have heard or read about someone cheating on someone they love for “X,Y, and Z”, so I decided to look up a random case to see how the cheater in that situation felt.

After reading about it, I felt myself not necessarily thinking he wasn’t an ass, but I did end up feeling bad for Joel. Not because of the lines I just showed, but for the lines in the following panel towards the end of the chapter:

In the case that I looked up, they felt miserable at the development that had come of their new relationship, despite cherishing the one they already had.

Now granted, Joel does say that he isn’t a reliable source of info for the story, but I feel as though the points where he does start deviating from truth are obvious enough to the viewer that we can differentiate it from the real truth.

At least, that’s what I believe, I tried reading back to see if there were any obvious deviations in truth but I couldn’t find any. Maybe you found some? Share what you found in the comments section down below if you have.

I think this simple meme panel that is shown at the end of chapter 1, although very simple, justifies the way I think about Joel as a character:

Execution:

When I first started reading “Deadlove” I thought the charm would come from the simplistic art style, and I wasn’t wrong about it not having charm, but it is certainly not the main appeal of the Webtoon. The way the visual and writing style compliment each other reminds me of my time reading “God of Bath”. But with “God of Bath”, that would moresoe be applied to the gag panels.

For “Deadlove”, it's every panel of every chapter.

Visual Style:

I think my favorite part of the Webtoon would have to be the way Creator Guy makes visually metaphorical jokes, and just the way he decides to show Joel’s interaction with the audience as he breaks the fourth wall.

An example of a visually metaphorical joke would be something Creator Teo actually had to point out for me. Had to do a whole double take:

( ^ A panel in the latter half of Chapter 1 )

( ^ The fourth paragraph of Chapter 2’s Creators Note )

( ^ Joel revealing his wishy washy nature to the audience in a panel towards the end of Chapter 5 )

Although there might be better examples of Joel’s audience interaction, I personally love this one. I can’t help but chuckle every time I remember it.

The Writing:

I rarely consume media that breaks the fourth wall. And even then, they would break the fourth wall for comedic effect, not for telling a story.

Then again, many stories will have a narration at the beginning where they basically guide you in the beginning portions of the story, only to return every now and then.

Joel is telling the story as he is living it. I mean, he does say the story isn’t linear, implying that this isn’t the case, but I still appreciate how the story is written nevertheless.

Conclusion:

Overall, I feel like I’ve communicated how much I love “Deadlove”, and I shouldn’t be surprised considering the talented duo of Creators Teo and Guy have experience telling simple yet fun and captivating stories, such as “The Adventures of God” and “My Dictator Boyfriend”. Both Webtoons that I love.

I already feel like I am someone that Joel is talking to, making me in some way a part of the story too, but having Creator Teo talk say reveal some insights about the Webtoon and giving some giving some thoughts about “Deadlove” shows a connection with me, the reader, that I don’t really feel in other Webtoons, even if they do Q&A’s every now and then.

That being said, I think that Teo’s quick tidbits are a consequence of the very stylized nature of the story itself.

I would suggest “Deadlove” to anyone, even if they would hate a character like Joel. Just because I feel like he is interesting enough to see him continue to make mistakes and follow his overall journey.

#webtoon #Webtoons #webtoon review #WebtoonFeatured #FeaturedWebtoon #webcomics #webcomic #Webcomic review #deadlove #GodofBath #God of Bath #Naver #NaverWebtoon #Naver Webtoon

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whispersafterdusk · 4 years

Text

Lost in Time - ch 5

"OW - son of a bi-"

Selene looked up in a hurry at the sound of an electric discharge and Eli's cut off swearing. "Are you all right?"

The Dubei woman had the thumb of one hand in her mouth, was holding two wires apart with the other, and was glaring into an open power panel; they were down on floor...was it 37 or 38? At this point the builder had honestly lost count, and she knew from Pauline's report that this place had a total of 85 floors (with 19 of them being in the shaft they used to get in and out of this place - everything else was deep underground).

"Found a bare spot the hard way," Eli grumbled. "Hand me that epoxy and I'll get it covered." ((Continued below cut))

Selene pulled the battered jar out of her toolbox and passed it over; over the last two weeks Eli had been steadily getting stronger, and was beginning to focus on guiding them on doing repairs down here to get at least auxiliary power levels restored -- she'd been blunt by stating not everything would work, or it wouldn't work properly, with just "aux level" but it would at least let them get through every door so they could locate all the skeletons and get them out of here.

Gale had been very adamant that he only wanted a select few knowing Eli existed, for now; at first Selene had expected to be moving slowly through here without Merlin and Petra but with Eli here knowing which doors should go where, what wires were supposed to go to what, and how to hook things up... Selene loved Old World tech - she loved learning about it, she loved thinking about new ways to use it, she loved recreating or re-inventing gadgets mentioned in the old data discs and piecing together broken relics from the past. She was used to having to do it all piece by piece but having Eli here was just...it was fantastic. It was amazing. Eli knew SO MUCH-

-and it was a constant reminder to keep herself in check because while Eli was direct and honest (or at least seemed to be) when it came to answering questions, Selene had a suspicion that she was on...what was the word...she'd seen it in an old--

Autopilot. That was it. Eli was on autopilot.

And Selene could understand why. It had to be terrible, to stand in the ruins of a city you'd grown up in and loved, to not know what had happened the day she and her comrades had been attacked, and to know that everything else was completely gone - ancient history. Wiped off the map. Not even gravestones left to visit (and she knew how THAT felt - Remington didn't talk about his time in the Lucien Civil Corps much but she knew about his friend who had sacrificed himself to save him...it was very important to Remington to visit that grave every year).

Part of her hoped that, at some point in the near future, Eli would consider someone a close enough friend to open up to -- maybe she was already talking to Dr. Xu about...uh, things? Hopefully that would help; she'd just need to pay attention and see if that autopilot-y, single mindedness relaxed in the future, or maybe that was just a soldier thing? Or maybe just an Eli thing...Higgins could be pretty single minded (if you got in his way or distracted him he tended to metaphorically run you over to get back to what he was doing) so it could be just how Eli was. Or maybe just how people in the Old World were, in general.

Well. Whatever the reason, whether it was Eli's personality or an Old World thing or a soldier thing, Selene still had to keep reminding herself not to get carried away and bombard her with questions (and hopefully Merlin and Petra, when they were allowed to meet her, would show the same restraint). There was still a good chance the woman was just numbed to her circumstances and going through the motions - the less Selene drew attention to everything that was gone, the better (she hoped).

One thing Selene did appreciate as Eli answered questions was the total lack of smugness, or superiority, or pity, or disgust, or -- well, a lot of things. She was...nice, and incredibly helpful, about anything they asked her. If their lack of technology bothered her on a level deeper than the occasional annoyance she showed when she had to figure out how to adapt a tool or route around something they didn't have the tech needed to fix, she definitely was good at hiding it. At first Selene had felt a little embarrassed to be in the woman's presence considering the knowledge gap but not so much anymore.

As Eli daubed the epoxy over the exposed wire she'd shocked herself on a faint scent of freshly melted plastic filled the air; Selene turned back to the panel in front of her -- Eli was handling the door, and she needed to get the lights on. Once they'd swept this floor for skeletons (there were at least 12 unaccounted for when compared to Pauline's logs) they'd move on to the next one, and then the next one, until they reached floor 72 where the All Source AI's installation was where they'd then need to power him and get more in-depth access to...pretty much everything. Eli wanted full administrative control along with all security, hazard, and damage logs -- the woman was confident that once they had their hands on all of that they could move forward with repairs and taking inventory of what was left down here and what was functional.

Dr. Xu had already expressed interest in any remaining medical information and equipment; Petra and Merlin were eager to speak to another All Source AI and see what they could learn from it -- how different would THIS All Source ("his" name was Stewart, apparently) be from Wendy at the Research Center? That there were different types of All Source AIs was recent knowledge gained from Ack and Wendy both; what little Eli had mentioned made it sound like every building in the Old World had had an All Source in it...how weird was it that something so commonplace to her was something so remarkable to them now in Portia?

...oh. Not just Portia. If word got out that there was another All Source... That would be a problem. Selene vaguely remembered Arlo even mentioning something along those lines but it hadn't sunk in until just now.

"-what kind of security systems did All Source AIs have?" she asked into the silence.

"High-level encryption, voice imprints, genetic imprints, passwords and passkeys... Kind of depended on what level and type of AI you had," Eli answered, sounding distracted. There was a long pause before she screwed the epoxy jar shut. "-an AI that ran just a house or business wouldn't necessarily need a lot of security built in but a lot of people tended to buy the best packages just in case. There's not a machine on the-- uh...not a machine left on the planet, that can't be hacked into."

Selene looked up from the wiring at that, brow furrowing - 'hacked' was a term she wasn't familiar with. "What's that?"

"It's...uh... Do you know what coding or programing is?"

Selene nodded at her. "Yep - Mr. Ack explained a little bit about programming and how his works."

Now it was Eli's turn to look confused. "Mr. Ack...?"

"Mmhmm - he's a living AI that lives here in Portia. He's a cook."

Eli stared at her blankly for a moment, then tossed the pliers in her hand back into the toolbox. "Wait wait wait...a living AI is still functional after all this time?"

"He's pretty banged up but he's functional, yeah. He came out of a space station thingy that crashed out in the Collapsed Wasteland."

"Huh... Can we get him here, ASAP?"

"I...uh. Maybe? I know he has a grill set up in the plaza and is staying at the Happy Apartments so he's pretty easy to find. Why?"

"Having an AI interface directly with the All Source AI down here will make getting administrative control a lot easier -- this Ack will be able to fill the All Source in on the state of the world in an instant compared to us having to explain it ourselves."

"I can ask the mayor if he minds if Ack learns about you. I'm pretty sure Ack wouldn't tell anyone."

Eli was silent for a moment, working with the wires in front of her; with a grating noise and a pop the door finally slid open. "There we go. And I'd like it if someone would fill me in on why the mayor is being secretive about me."

Selene blew out a sigh - Gale hadn't outright admitted any reasons but she could guess. "Well... A couple of reasons, I think. A lot of people don't like Old World "stuff" -- they think we're better off without it and the Research Center, and sometimes even me, we get threatening messages from people. The center has been broken in to a couple of times too, some things stolen and a few things sabotaged, and someone once torched the warehouse down in the harbor to protest Portia expanding."

"Right. So I'm basically anathema to certain townsfolk. Go on."

"...anathema?"

"Forget I said it. Keep on with your explanation."

Selene nodded and, before responding, touched the last two wires together. The lights spluttered on but were dreadfully dim; she clicked off her headlamp and Eli did the same. "-so there's going to be people who aren't going to like you, because they hate the Old World. And there's also um...there's a war about to break out, between Duvos and the Alliance. And Duvos is always looking to take, steal, or recreate technologies from the past that will let them take over the world."

Eli let out a loud snort. "Oh good. I get blown out of the start of one war and face-first into another."

"No no, we wouldn't expect you to FIGHT a war on our behalf, no," Selene went on hurriedly. "I just think that...I think the mayor may think Duvos would try to kidnap you. Or maybe people would think you'd go join up with them since they have Old World tech and that's what you're used to. Or something."

"Not happening, on either account," Eli grunted. She picked up a few screwdrivers and a pair of wire snips and returned them to the toolbox, then shut the lids of both the toolbox and the power stone device she'd just wired to the door. "This 'Duvos' would be biting off more than they could chew if they came to town - especially if they came for ME."

Selene smiled a bit. "I don't want that to happen, even if it'd be a bad idea on their part."

"What or where is this Duvos?"

"It's a country - they call themselves an empire - up to the north. They border Ethea and Meidi, and technically a border of The Peripheries touches their border. They've been fighting in and around Lucien and Ethea too...those poor people."

"And all of that is to our north?"

"Yeah. Also up there is Barnarock but they don't share borders with Duvos. Then below that strip is us in the Alliance of Free Cities - that includes Lucien, Highwind, Atara, Sandrock, Portia, Walnut Groove, Tallsky at the southern tip, and a little kind-of-island in the Western Sea called Vega 5. The Peripheries are to our west, and beyond THOSE is the Great Begeondan...but it's hard to get there because the Peripheries is full of monsters. There's also Seesai but they're really, really far away."

As she fell silent again she could almost see the wheels spinning in Eli's head as the woman thought -- maybe she was making a mental map of what she remembered compared to what she was just told. ...actually.

"Do any of those names sound familiar?"

It was a few moments before Eli replied. "Sort of. Meidi and Seesai both sound like places that I kno- that I knew. Meidia was so far south it was snow-covered year round. Seisan was right on the equator. They were known for fruit exports and amazing seafood dishes the likes of which you couldn't get anywhere else."

"Seesai is sort of known for seafood too. Maybe it's a name that got carried through the years."

"Maybe."

Behind them the elevator whirred to life and a few minutes later it opened to let Higgins out; he was wheeling several crates on a dolly and was huffing and puffing like he was out of breath. He steered the dolly up to Selene and let it fall forward with a loud thud. "Here. All that I could collect. It's mostly the blue ones."

Eli nodded and carefully got up from where she sat, using her cane to sort of leverage herself onto her feet. "That's fine. We won't need to leave the power hooked up on every floor, just enough of them to get access to a couple of things."

Higgins rubbed his hands together, looking up and down the hallway; the lights Selene had managed to get on were holding in there but alongside the dimness a few were flickering now - it was just barely bright enough to see what they were doing. "--so what are we doing next?"

Selene swore she saw Eli almost, but not quite, hide an eyeroll.

"Same thing we've done on each floor," the woman replied, her tone patient but bordering on the edge of the tone you'd use when talking to a small child. "Get doors open, sweep for remains, move on."

Higgins wrinkled his nose. "I was hoping you two would've found everyone by now."

"Pauline couldn't get access to personnel tracking logs," Selene sighed, giving Higgins an annoyed look. "She only knows who didn't get out but not where they were last." They'd told him this three times now... Was he really that distracted with a need to start salvaging and emptying this place's resources?

He huffed. "This is taking forever. Why don't I take-"

"-because you don't know how to wire this up and you won't sit still long enough for me to teach you," Eli interrupted. That patient tone was gone now. "If you aren't willing to learn and put the work in then I'm not cutting you lose to wander around. We still don't know where those people are or what even killed them -- I don't care to repeat myself nor do I care for people to try and undermine or circumvent my instructions, and I KNOW you were told about the hazardous materials log because I was there for that meeting. Whether you like it or not whatever got released could still be down here and I'd rather you not blunder into it and get yourself killed."

"But this could take days," Higgins grumbled. "I have so much other work I could be doing right now."

Eli's expression went...well, Selene could only describe it as that sort of look you got when someone's said something stupid and you were too polite to say something directly but not polite enough to simply smile and ignore it. "Then go. Selene and I can handle things now that you got the power stones down here. Let Remington know on your way out that it's just us two. We'll be fine."

Higgins rolled his eyes and turned, heading toward the elevator. "I'll let them know."

They waited together in silence until the sound of the elevator's rumbling was too far away to hear.

"He's such an ass..." Selene growled. She turned her attention to Eli. "I'm sorry. Arlo didn't want him involved either but Gale didn't think I could handle this entire place by myself."

"You couldn't. And really, WE can't. But I'll work myself unconscious before I let that sort of man anywhere near my people," Eli said quietly. "Can't stand the person who won't put in the work but expects to reap the rewards regardless. Can the Civil Corps folks bar him from entering here?"

"The funny thing is he's a really hard worker...just pretty driven to do one thing and one thing only: keep his shop at the top of the regional leader boards. If it's not related to that he doesn't have much interest in it. And as for the Civil Corps they...technically could, I think? At least temporarily. A final decision would be up to Gale but I'm not sure if he would -- all ruins in Portia are open to anyone who pays the weekly fee to go inside and scavenge. I don't think he'd like to be in the position to ban a single person in town from coming in here...it'd be a rather touchy precedent, and might make him look like he's playing favorites."

Eli grunted, and leaned against the stack of crates. "I don't want to see this place ripped apart without any regard to what's being taken. If we're careful we can probably salvage a lot of what's here -- I get the feeling he'd take whatever without worrying about what he's leaving behind, and probably damage things beyond repair or salvage."

Selene nodded; she traded out her screwdriver for the crowbar she'd brought with them, and the wedged the flat end into the gap between the lid and the rest of the top crate. "Not to defend him or anything but the other ruins are sort of...um. Bad. Pieces everywhere. There's not really anything there but bits and scrap that you have to piece together -- not that that excuses him, at all, but finding a place like this that's so intact is almost unheard of." She pulled down on the crowbar and could hear the squeaking of nails slowly prying lose. "--we're really going to have to lock this place down if we want to preserve anything down here," she grunted and wheezed.

With a screeching noise of metal on wood the crate lid came free and she leaned it against the wall; inside was the familiar gleam of power stones - all of them blue, at least on this top layer - nestled in cloth and sawdust to keep them from chipping in transit. A wave of annoyance washed over her as she looked them over - if these were here then that meant the brackets and wires had to be in one of the crates under it. She tossed the crowbar down and, straining and puffing, moved the heavy crate off the stack and plunked it down on the ground narrowly missing her toes.

She grabbed the crowbar again and pried the next lid off, revealing the brackets; Selene offered Eli a hand to help her sit back down between the two open crates as they both set to the task of assembling the brackets and getting the power stones set in place. They were at it about a half hour, by her estimation, when the elevator opened again and Arlo appeared in the weak light of the light fixtures (which were starting to flicker more frequently - they'd need to splice in a second bracket device to help them out).

"Everything all right down here?"

Selene nodded at him, smiling. "All good. Surprised you're down here."

Arlo came over and looked over what they were doing. "--anything I can help with? I know I'm not a builder or know much about Old World tech but I'm willing to learn."

"Remington told you, huh?" Selene asked, sighing. She scooted over as Arlo settled in the floor next to the bracket crate then rummaged around in her toolbox to find a spare screwdriver of the correct size; she handed it to him and then began to pick up the other pieces to show him how it all went together.

"He did. I can't say I'm surprised - I knew it was a bad idea to let Higgins in on this little project. We should have brought in Petra and Merlin right from the start. I just hope he takes Gale seriously and doesn't mention Eli." He paused to look over at Eli, who simply nodded at him.

"I think he knows Gale means business," Selene said. She handed him the bracket and fished out four power stones. "Ok, see those little slots there and there? Those pieces slide. Use that screwdriver to loosen them, slip the stone into the spot - one per - and then slide them back in to hold the stone tight and tighten the screw again. Then, you flip the top of the bracket over and tighten those too. I'll handle attaching the wires, don't worry."

With a nod Arlo started loosening a screw; Selene watched him for a few breaths, then "--so, can the Civil Corps handle having you down here? Won't that mess up the shift times?"

"It will but we can adjust. Everyone already knows about the ruins and we've had several inquiries on when they'll be open to explore -- Paulie's volunteered to take a couple evening shifts making sure no one comes down here and I know Gale sent a courier to the Alliance Council regarding this place."

"A courier?" Selene repeated, blinking at him. "That'll take a week or more to... Why a courier?"

Arlo slid a second stone into place before answering. "After what happened the last time, Gale doesn't want to risk someone intercepting his telegraph, or faking a response. Mint is carrying it to Atara, and will carry the response back."

Selene stole a quick look at Eli to see that she was dutifully assembling a bracket of her own (but was moving considerably faster than Arlo was).

"And was I mentioned in this message?" the Dubei woman asked then without looking up - almost like she'd known Selene was looking at her expecting a reaction.

"Probably," was Arlo's simple answer; he didn't elaborate further and the three of them continued to work in silence as they assembled the power device brackets.

She was grateful that Higgins at least hadn't skimped on screws or quality; it took another hour before they had all of them assembled and the wires attached, and then Arlo carried them up and down the hall placing one at each door as Eli and Selene each took a side and began wiring them up.

Selene found the doors to be fascinating; according to Eli every door here connected to a central server that granted or revoked access to every person in the facility -- most doors would provide access to anyone who walked up to them, opening based on detecting movement as well as weight on pressure panels in the floor beneath the carpeting. Doors with security measures would only open if it detected an access-granting object (usually cards or "key fobs," whatever those were) within a certain distance of its sensors, or else they'd require a hand or finger print on a sensor panel before it would open. And whoever had designed the doors had accounted for times where someone might need to get in somewhere they didn't have access to in a hurry; while the doors didn't have handles they DID have emergency release buttons inside the paneling beside the pocket that the doors slid into when they opened.

Being as the power for the facility was down the doors had no access to their central server so simply hooking up the power brackets she'd built wouldn't work; Eli was instead wiring the power directly to the lines that controlled the emergency releases, which would force the door to open without any sort of access key or central power. The emergency releases were a sort of 'blink and you'd miss them' object inside the walls - Selene had always seen emergency buttons or levers painted a red or otherwise bright color in the other ruins in town but these were all a uniform gray instead with the main difference being the emergency releases were capped with a dull metal that was oddly cold to the touch compared to everything around it.

And of course the emergency releases operated on battery power too when all other sources of power were off but not even the best battery could hope to last 300 years. The good thing was that once they'd used the emergency button to pop the door they could unhook the power and it'd stay open, but they were finding there were a LOT of doors down here -- that was partly why they'd made so many of the portable power stone devices so they could have (or at least the original plan had been) someone placing the devices next to doors, someone coming along to wire them, and then someone else behind THEM unhooking and collecting the devices so they could keep moving at a decent pace.

Of course, with Higgins deciding to take his leave it meant they'd need to find a third person to give them a hand... It was probably time to bring in Petra and Merlin. Petra would go wild over all this and Merlin had a steady hand when it came to delicate wiring and circuitry.

It was, as Higgins had said, going to take awhile to get through this place, but unlike him Selene didn't mind it in the slightest even if they didn't get any more help at all.

----------------------------------------------------

Django had thrown in some fruit salads for free tonight -- Xu had a hunch that the man knew something was up, as Xu had accidentally let it slip that he was paying for meals for a patient of his without the means to do so themselves; charity wasn't a strange thing in Portia - in fact, Portia's residents were well-known for their desire to help their neighbors - but he supposed the number of meals being provided had tipped Django off to this not being a typical patient. He made a mental note to ask Phyllis if she would mind manning the clinic for longer than usual so Xu himself could cook a bit more and see if that made Django less suspicious of what was going on.

...though, there wasn't any way Django could suspect WHO his patient was. Being charitable for the sake of being charitable wasn't a bad thing, and so long as he found out when the rest of Portia did Xu supposed there wasn't any harm in it.

Based on the smells coming out of the containers on his desk it seemed like Django had outdone himself tonight; there was seasoned ribs, bamboo papaya and seafood with rice, two ramekins of fish head stewed in soy sauce, and of course the fruit salads that he hadn't ordered but Django had tossed in anyway. Eli had mentioned she loved seafood and honestly so did he so aside from the ribs (protein and lots of it would be needed to help her regain lost muscle mass) he'd tried to pick a variety of things he thought she would enjoy (and if she'd disliked anything thus far she'd not mentioned it).

He looked up from the paperwork on his desk as the clinic doors opened but rather than Eli, returning from the ruins as she usually did around this time, Xu was surprised to see Gale standing in his doorway.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Xu," was the man's cheerful greeting. "I hope I'm not intruding."

"Not at all." Xu quickly stacked his papers and stood with a smile -- he'd been wondering when Gale would make an appearance here. "I'm sorry to say Eli isn't here at the moment, I'm afraid. I AM expecting her back soon though."

Gale nodded. "Ah, yes. If it's not too much of a bother I'd like to wait here."

"Of course not. Have a seat."

The portly man nodded and came over to sit on a small stool beside the desk. "-how have things been with your patient, doctor?"

"Coming along. The speed at which one regains their health can vary from person to person but she's bouncing back rather quickly."

Gale chuckled. "Good, good. I'm glad to hear that. I hope to-"

They both paused as the doors opened again and this time it was Eli standing there; Gale stood as she came in and Xu came around to the front of his desk.

"Hello, Eli - I'd like to introduce you to Portia's Mayor, Gale."

Gale moved over with a hand extended. "It's a pleasure, Miss Summers."

Something flickered over Eli's face at the word "miss" but it was gone quickly, and instead she offered her hand in turn. "Likewise, sir. I've heard a lot about you."

"Oh? I'm not sure if I should be glad or worried," Gale laughed; Eli smiled at that, at least. "-now, first of all I'd like to apologize for how long it's taken for me to come meet you personally."

"It's not a problem. Mayors are busy people."

"That's definitely true - I've been busier than usual lately, even before you were rescued. I did however want to give you a good amount of time to get your feet squarely on the road to recovery, which is why we're only just meeting now."

"Again, it's no big deal," Eli replied, shrugging. "It's not like I'm going anywhere."

Gale nodded, chuckling quietly. "Indeed, and it's my hope you'll choose to remain in Portia. And, regarding that... How DO you feel, about Portia? About remaining?"

Eli was silent for a long time; Xu watched her carefully, trying to be aware of any subtle hints in her face or body movement to suggest what she was thinking or feeling. Finally she inhaled deeply and straightened a bit where she stood. "Truth be told, sir-"

"-please, call me Gale if you like."

"-truth be told, Gale, I don't see myself leaving unless the general consensus is I'm not wanted here. Portia is sitting on top of Dubei - this is technically still home, for me. Even if it's totally unrecognizable now."

Gale's expression softened. "I understand, and of course you're welcome here. We do need to begin discussing how best to meet your needs - you'll need a place to stay, and a job, and everything else that goes with it. You'll find Portia is very helpful to her people and I know many would be happy to help get you on your feet."

Eli's smile went a bit strained. "Not everyone will, I'm told."

"...ah, well," Gale faltered a moment, looking awkward.

Xu pressed his lips together; he knew of course that there would be some in town who'd want her gone solely because she WAS Old World -- they had a hard enough time accepting any sort of Old World tech, no matter how harmless or helpful, but to have a living embodiment (at least, ANOTHER living embodiment - Ack hadn't been well received either) of the Old World walking around may be more than they'd be willing to tolerate. It was clear that Arlo or Selene, or maybe Remington, had mentioned as much to Eli already, which was a good thing for her to be forewarned about.

"No one in any position of authority will have a problem with you," Xu said into the silence. "Of that I can promise."

"Y-yes, that's true," Gale said in a rush. "Authority within the city's chain of command itself, anyway. There...MIGHT be a bit of a rub with the Church but they don't have the power to order you out of town, and if he thinks of trying it know that I won't stand for my citizens to be harassed."

Almost imperceptibly Eli's eyes narrowed at the mention of "he" in Gale's words; Xu knew exactly who that "he" was: if there was anyone who would without a doubt have a problem with Eli working and living in Portia it would be Minister Lee. Thankfully Lee was rather powerless within Portia - he could preach, guide, and advise all he liked but he held no administrative or official powers.

And with good reason -- Xu couldn't count the number of times the man had thrown a fit over Old World tech, even simple things like tools made out of new alloys, and it was suspected that he had a hand in a few of the Research Center break ins too even if no one could prove it. Xu could already picture the various shades of purple the man's face would turn as he pontificated (again) on the dangers of letting an Old World "relic" walk around.

"Duly noted," was Eli's quiet reply.

Gale took a steadying breath. "...now, then. Along with discussing how we can best help you get established here within Portia I also wanted to see how you were feeling - physically, as well as emotionally." He paused, giving her a gentle look. "I know none of this can be easy, and if there's anything in my power to help ease any burdens..."

Eli shook her head. "Not unless you've got a time machine -- and before you ask, no, we created machines that could take us to space but not ones that could take us to last week."

As she spoke Eli smiled a bit and Xu returned it to her with an encouraging nod; that she was willing to joke seemed to be a good sign.

"Well, don't hesitate to let me know if there's something I can do for you. -- oh, where are my manners. Do you need to sit down?" Gale asked, turning around quickly to look for the stool he'd just vacated. He grabbed it with both hands and plunked it down in front of Eli who sat down with a grateful look. "I'm sorry, I've been sitting all day and it escaped my mind that someone else might not want to stand."

"It's fine - I was technically sitting all day anyway. Easier to reach what we're working on."

"How is that going?" Xu asked quietly. "Do you know when you'll be done?"

Eli shook her head again, huffing a sigh out through her nose. "No. We're still missing 12, and that's only the ones that the AI Pauline had logs for. Patients or visitors wouldn't be on those logs so there may be more. I know I personally wasn't a part of that log list, and the others that were in the same sort of tubes that I was would be on patient rosters that we've yet to find."

With a thoughtful hum Gale rubbed at his chin, falling silent; Xu moved back to his desk and to the little basket that their dinner was sitting in and reached in to pull out a thermos of chilled apricot juice that he carried over and offered to Eli. She took it, opened it and sniffed, then took a careful sip; a moment later she gave him a smile and nod and took a more confident drink.

"I've marked out land to hold the remains, and intend to commission a gravestone as large as needed to hold as many names as we can find," Gale went on finally. "However, names or no we WILL be seeing that their remains are handled with care and respect until such a time that they can be laid to rest properly." He paused again and looked back to Eli. "I...don't know if this is an appropriate question to ask, considering the circumstances..."

"Burial rites, I'm assuming."

"Yes," Gale replied simply.

Eli shrugged and took another sip of juice before continuing. "I can tell you how my religion handles remains and give an idea of how others handled theirs, but there wasn't a singular religion in Dubei that had rites that everyone followed -- in fact, there were hundreds of different religions within city limits alone, and hundreds of thousands spread across the world in general. And it wasn't legal to track what employee was part of what religion either...medical centers would sometimes have that information on hand to make sure they didn't violate a religious mandate for a patient who couldn't communicate it themselves but HR departments wouldn't touch that sort of thing with a ten foot bangstick."

"Ah, yes. That makes sense. Well. When we're at the point where we're ready to lay them all to rest we'll have a discussion on how best to do that."

"Sounds like a plan."

Gale smiled, then looked to Xu briefly. "Just to double check that I'm not taking up your scheduled time...?"

"Not at all, though dinner may get cold."

"Ah. I'll get right to it then: Eli, do you have any opinion on what sort of employment you'd like to secure? I know it's been mentioned you were a soldier -- would you like a position within the Civ-"

"No," Eli interrupted quickly. "At least, not yet."

Gale blinked at her and Xu felt just as surprised as he looked.

Eli looked between the two of them, laughing quietly. "Did I just grow a second head?"

"No no, I apologize, I just wasn't -- I shouldn't have assumed," Gale sputtered.

She held up one hand in a placating gesture while holding the thermos up to her lips with the other for another drink. "Nah, you were right to assume, and believe me I think that's where I'd best fit in. But, to circle back to the earlier point of people not accepting my existence in town I don't think it'll be a good idea to place ME in a position with any sort of authority, no matter how minor, before I'm generally accepted into the community. That'll either erode trust in you and your Civil Corps or will leave me as the sole member that no one is going to listen to."

Gale pursed his lips, letting out a long breath through his nose. "I...hadn't thought about it like that. That's a very good point."

Xu hadn't thought of it framed in that light either -- she was probably right. The more he thought about it the more he worried that it would be a long time before several of Portia's townsfolk would even give her the time of day. "-what about the Research Center?" he asked into the pause.

"Yes, yes, that was my next suggestion," Gale went on hurriedly, pausing to clear his throat. "We certainly have the budget to add another research position at the Center."

Eli laughed as she screwed the top onto the (now empty, Xu assumed) thermos. "Wouldn't that be cheating? Being as I wouldn't be researching anything so much as I'd just be giving the answers away."

Gale laughed as well. "I suppose that's one way to look at it but the offer still stands: it'd be a monthly salary, enough to live on without worrying about anything. And I can just as easily create a position with the Corps for when you feel comfortable enough to step into that role."

"We'll see how that goes. Ideally that's where I end up but...well." She shrugged and set the thermos on the floor at her feet.

Xu returned to his desk as Gale moved on to discussing where Eli could stay - it sounded like an apartment at Happy Apartments would be available for her - and began jotting down thoughts as he half-listened to them talk.

Aside from the facial tics at mention of 'miss' and 'he' Eli had remained pleasant and direct, as she usually was. It was one of the few times that he'd had visual proof that Eli perhaps wasn't as well as she presented herself to be; he didn't want to pry but it was confirmation that there were things she was suppressing, and he wished she would choose to talk about them. Counseling wasn't entirely his forte but he'd received some training on how to handle mental health as well as physical health.

As Gale and Eli talked Phyllis came in; she gave them both a wave but didn't interrupt as she walked over to Xu to place a heavy leather satchel on his desk.

"The latest shipment of painkillers was delayed at Atara but everything else came through. It seems there was a pipe failure at the processing building so everyone is missing this month's orders."

Xu frowned and stood to open the satchel to look through it. "Well...I guess we'll have to be careful with what we have in stock for the time being - we aren't really using a lot of them at least." He pulled out various jars, boxes, and little vials -- Atara's specialists had never failed to get their products out before so whatever the 'pipe failure' was must have been a major problem.

At the very least Portia's residents didn't really need a lot of medicines at any given time and Xu was able to manage a lot of ailments just by using the herbs that grew naturally around the city. Gale seemed to be wrapping up whatever else he'd come to speak to Eli about so Xu was careful as he stepped around his desk and around them to head over to the cabinets to put everything away.

"--whenever Dr. Xu cuts me loose, I assume."

Hearing his own name caught his attention and he looked over a shoulder back at the others. "Hmm?"

"When do you believe Eli will be hale and hearty enough to leave the clinic, Dr. Xu?" Gale asked.

Xu thought a moment - technically, physically, she could go now. He still worried about her emotional well being however... "I would say a week or so, possibly less," he finally answered (more to give them an actual answer than because he believed what he was saying). "You are recovering your strength at a remarkable rate but you'll still dealing with bouts of weakness, correct?"

Eli nodded. "Yeah. And sometimes I feel a bit dizzy if I'm tired."

"All right, hmm. Let's meet again in about two week's time?" Gale went on, directing the last half of that to Eli. "That should give me enough time to get all pieces into place."

"Works for me."

"And for me as well," Xu agreed.

"I shall see you all then," Gale chuckled, offering Eli another handshake before heading out the door.

Eli watched him go. "...animated little fellow."

"He can get quite excited when things are going as they should," Xu chuckled. He quickly put away the rest of the supplies. "I hope you're hungry."

"Wasn't, really, until I smelled it. What're you feeding me tonight?"

Dusting off his hands he returned the leather satchel to its proper spot in the cabinet and then shut the door; as he fully turned around he caught sight of Phyllis making her way out as well. "Ah, Phyllis - would you care to join us? There's more than enough for three."

"Oh. I'd love to, then."

Xu pulled over the little rolling stool he used during examinations, and helped Eli scoot hers closer to his desk as Phyllis came back over; he offered her his chair but she took the stool instead, and as the two women seated themselves he picked up the basket and began placing the containers out on the desk, including another thermos of apricot juice. The last things he retrieved were a set of chipped plates from the bottom-most drawer of his desk and a handful of silverware.

Phyllis helped him start to portion out the food and once he was done and seated he noticed Eli poking curiously at the bamboo papaya slices. "Hmm. I tried to choose things I thought you'd be familiar with."

"It...sort of looks familiar? What is it?"

"Bamboo papaya," Phyllis answered, spearing a slice with her fork.

Eli wrinkled her nose, flipping the slice over on her plate. "Bamboo...papaya? As in both those words are the name of this...uh, plant?"

Xu nodded. "It's a tough-skinned fruit but tastes like bamboo shoots."

"Ah. So both bamboo AND this exist?"

Phyllis bit into the bite and then wiped some of the seafood sauce off to show the bamboo-like patterning of the 'fruit' inside. "It's hard on the outside but soft in the center. It even tastes like bamboo - it just has a slightly different texture."

"Huh..." Eli hummed, then took a tentative bite. "--yeah, that's bamboo all right. Weird. How did they create this? Selective crossbreeding?"

"Um...chemical and biological weapons, according to the history that survived," Phyllis answered quietly.

Xu watched as a few emotions flickered over Eli's face - surprise, anger, and then something akin to resignation.

"Ah," was all she said.

She tried a bigger bite of the bamboo papaya, then tasted the rice and shrimp; when she didn't make any faces or ask any other questions Xu took a few bites of his own and they all ate in silence for several minutes.

"I bet a lot of things I was used to eating are gone too, huh?"

"That...depends," Xu replied slowly. "We don't have any record of anything being wiped out, but there are certainly a lot of records of things changing. Though, I will say that animal life appears to have more drastically changed than plantlife did, according to our history." He studied her face and could see hesitation there -- she wanted to say or ask something but was holding back. "Did you...have something specific in mind?"

She shook her head. "Not really. Just, kind of hard to sometimes really grasp just...how much has changed."

"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked quietly. "Or, anything at all?"

"...not tonight, doctor. I don't even know where to begin."

Xu nodded. "Of course. Just know, when you choose to..."

After a couple bites she looked up and gave him a smile. "Oh trust me, Dr. Xu. There's a lot I want to talk about. I'm just not sure I want to break that particular dam open just yet, because I know once I start it's going to be hard to stop. ...and, I don't think I want to start, until I know what happened to--" she stopped abruptly, sighing heavily and lightly tapping her fork against the side of her plate. "-I really want to know what happened to Dubei. And why I was down in that facility. I know it was sheer, dumb luck that I was far enough away from the ceiling that caved in but why was I THERE? Why were there others in those tubes? Why were we left behind?"

That last question was said much quieter than the others but her general tone remained the same -- no sadness, no remorse, just a quiet frustration. Xu left his fork on his plate and clasped his hands in front of him, resting them on his desk just behind his plate. "It may be a case that you weren't purposely left behind... Didn't the logs say there was an evacuation, and a materials release? From what Arlo and Selene said, you were attached to sensors and a breathing aparatus. It sounds to me as though you, and whoever else were in those tubes, may have been in the safest place at that given moment."

"That's true." She took a steadying breath and tilted her head back, letting the air out slowly. "But then what kept them from coming back? A hazardous material release and even an armed and violent intruder alert shouldn't have kept everyone away forever. Even if -- I've mentioned how poisonous and deadly a reactor explosion would have been. The poisonous part of a reactor is called radiation, and it'd by far be the worst thing that could've been released down there and even then we have suits and..."

She stopped again, resting her elbow on the desk and her chin in her hand.

"...suits?" Xu prompted gently.

"Yeah. Haz mat - hazardous materials - suits. I used radiation as an example but if it HAD been radiation then I and the others in the tube wouldn't have survived if it was enough to cause the entire building to evacuate -- regular glass, or even the tempered stuff used in most medical equipment, wouldn't have shielded us from the radiation. So that part doesn't make sense. But for the life of me I can't think of anything that would be in a medical research center that would mean EVERYONE would have to run if something leaked. Now, had it been a military base or the like I could name off sixteen different things, but...but not down there." She paused, then waved a hand. "Just speculating. But point still stands that I don't want to discuss anything until I figure out what happened."

She went back to eating; Xu did as well even though he'd lost his appetite at this point. At least they were close to her opening up; she was putting on a brave face but couldn't keep it up forever, as he suspected.

They filled the rest of the evening with idle chatter; it was mostly Eli asking questions about food and plants, and about Portia's general history and the layout of town. Xu didn't have any maps on hand and promised he'd bring her one to look at (Lucy at the school probably wouldn't mind lending him one) so she could try and match up what she remembered of the landscape to what everything looked like now. Eli was firmly back in her 'everything is fine' mentality -- no more tics or clues, just pleasantry. But now Xu had confirmation that his suspicions were correct; he'd just need to wait until Eli had her answers, then be ready to help her put the pieces together.

#Lost in Time #lit #Lost in Time - ch 5 #Arlo #Dr. Xu #Builder #Eli #Phyllis #Gale #Higgins #My Time at Portia

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