#animorphs posting

[hishighnesstheprincess]

[deejay]

[hapalopus]

Animorphs really has a way to turn every scifi trope on its head. "Why do alien invasions always start in America?" Actually the body snatchers first landed in a Middle Eastern farming community where they kidnapped the first guy they saw, read his mind, and concluded that, since he was terrified of the US soldiers who had brutally destroyed everything he knew and loved, the US would be the ideal place to center their invasion. This is revealed in the spin-off "Visser" which is an excellent stand-alone book that can be read without any prior knowledge of Animorphs. And you can read it for free and with the author's blessing right here:

https://files.animorphsfanforum.com/ebooks/pdf/Visser.pdf

[lordsmaf]

For anyone going into Animorphs expecting it to be just wall-to-wall body horror and war and gore and thinking “I wanna read the book where an ant turns into a human and screams until it dies, that sounds real fucked up” I feel like I should emphasize that for every raw Animorphs moment there is usually at least one moment of “they turn into dogs to sneak into an Offspring concert without paying” or “evil alien warlord gets foiled by a skunk” or “Arnold Schwarzenegger shows up”

[sarifel-corrisafid-ilxhel]

Question: If you were a Controller during the Yeerk War and you got pulled over for speeding because the Yeerk had a lead foot and then later the war ended and you were free, could you get the speeding ticket dismissed because it wasn't you driving the vehicle, and would you get your money back? Also, how screwed would the legal system be in general with having to determine how many court cases were influenced by Yeerks? How many rulings would have to be overturned, records expunged, people released from jail, etc? How many years would it take to sort through what is sure to be a massive pile of cases that need to be looked at because a judge, a juror, a lawyer, the arresting officer, the suspect, somebody involved with the case was a Controller and therefore not qualified to present evidence, judge cases, or was just flat out not responsible for the actions that started the court case in the first place?

And how many Law and Order episodes would we get out of it? Asking for a friend.

[gros-chat-fait]

Those late 90s kids

[solsticat]

tfw the child soldier starts child-soldiering a little too hard

[burinazar]

missable body horror detail among all the other body horror details in Animorphs: if you morph something small, your human body’s flesh, blood and guts turns into a horrific gore-balloon in another dimension

[andhumanslovedstories]

We read more Animorphs! Specifically books 6 through 10: The Capture, The Stranger, The Alien, The Secret, The Android, and Megamorphs 1: The Andalite's Gifts. It's banger after banger, y'all. While editing this episode, I had to ask Cyrus if we were gushing about the books too much or if they are actually as good as we say they are. ESPECIALLY The Capture, a book that is basically just psychological sci-fi horror that made us really consider how much we can vibrate hornily about concepts in a book for children. It's not our fault Yeerks are sexy.

all horrible traumas except Ax's option which is still a trauma but just to the child he accosted for his milkduds

Animorphs Part 2: High Stakes Moral Crises for Children

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[keenadraws]

The Andalites

[bigscarymads]

i thank god every day that i got into animorphs and not homestuck

[somesecretpie]

I am looking for a human host!

Are you bored?

Are you lonely and bored?

Do you have a lot of time on your hands?

Do you have hands?

I’m offering you a proposal, with potential financial compensation for your troubles. It may sound off putting at first blush, but hear me out. I am looking for a human host. And I mean a “willing” human host who might be willing to give up some of their time to help out an odd fellow that doesn’t have hands or blood.

Am I asking to control your body? Yes. Sometimes. You’ll still be there, but taking the backseat. Now you’re probably thinking “That sounds no fun! I don’t want to spend all my time riding shotgun.”

And that’s valid.

But you all spend about half of the day unconscious anyway. Your body is just there, doing nothing—a complete waste. As for me, I don’t sleep (haha), so we could have it so that during the day, I will graciously let you do fun human things, and at night, I’ll do whatever. And by whatever, I mean perfectly safe, perfectly reasonable activities.

I don’t drink, and I rarely go outside.

I enjoy baking, I look at pictures of birds online, I’ve been getting into neuroscience lately. Very interesting stuff. You’re all very interesting.

And maybe you’re still thinking “Hey now, I don’t want some random mind-controlling thingy hauling my body around in my sleep, “Weekend at Bernie’s Style” to which I say, you’re no fun and you’re not the kind of person I want to live with anyway.

“But I’m a light sleeper!” you say.

Don’t worry! I can isolate your somatosensory cortex so you can’t feel anything.

“But my family will think it’s weird!” you say.

Don’t worry! You don’t have to tell them.

Actually, I would prefer that you don’t tell anyone. Please.

And should anyone question me, I’m not bad at impressions. I’ll get really good at a “you” impression, it’ll be the first thing I do!

I know this all sounds very strange and potentially unpleasant, but remember the financial compensation that may or may not be happening. Hell, I’ll even do some of your chores if you like, while you sleep. You can wake up and the dishes will be done, laundry folded and coffee made. Doesn’t that sound nice? And then you open the fridge and oh, what’s this? Someone baked banana bread last night (that was me, I baked banana bread last night.)

Now I should say, I don’t have a lot of standards, I really don’t. But I do (unfortunately) have some, so let’s just get them out of the way before I waste your time.

Please do not contact me if you have any of the following:

- Anemia: Sorry, it’s just not going to work out. I can pay for iron supplements, but I can’t work miracles.

-A weak immune system: I don’t like getting sick, I’m sorry. It’s gross, sick people are gross. I mean I know it’s not your fault, but healthy folks only please.

-A strong immune system: Yes, I know what I just said, but I also don’t want to be attacked by your immune system. So maybe you’re not the picture of health, but you’re just kind of okay. I’m looking for someone who is just kind of okay.

-A penchant for alcohol: It makes me feel strange…

-A name that starts with a P: I’m not the greatest at “speaking.” It’s hard, moving air through your throat and moving your tongue and your mouth at the same time. You all do it so easy—can’t say I’m not envious! I’m the worst at making the “P” sound.

I intentionally avoid any "p word" in conversation, and get by well enough, but I’ll look pretty foolish if I’m cavorting about, pretending to be you, and I can’t even say your name!

Those are my standards, but really, other than that, I’ll take anyone.

I don’t care if you’re male or female or anything in between.

I don’t care if you’re gay.

I don’t care if you’re smart.

I don’t care if you don’t have a lawyer.

There are so many things that I don’t care about.

Now, I’ve specified all the ways in which I could compensate you and how our relationship will be not in any way problematic, but I want to stress that, above all things, I am looking for a friend.

Someone I can spend quiet evenings with.

If you want to hang out with me during the day, that’s great! I can give you fun hallucinations. Or you could have hallucinations the normal way, like by reading, like what you’re doing now. I love to read! I love doing funny voices. I wonder what you think I sound like?

I hope I sound nice.

And one of the best things about me is I’m very quiet. No one else will be able to hear me except you. I’ll be like your own personal friend that only you know. Like a secret friend. And you don’t even have to talk to me because I can read your thoughts.

I suppose I should tell you a bit more about myself, since you’re still reading.

I was born in the Everglades, I think. It’s been awhile.

But I remember being so cold…

And so alone...

But then I met this sweaty man in a colorful tee-shirt, with a camera, and half a granola bar, and with blood so hot.

So yeah, he was my first host, and I’ll admit, we weren’t the best of friends. It was a confusing time for both of us. I was confused. He was confused. What happened was really both of our faults, you could say…

He was a bird watcher, if I recall correctly. Just watched birds all the time. I thought it might have been out of jealousy—watching those little things flying around makes you feel kind of stuck. I felt stuck.

So I decided to be a bird for a while to see if it was really all it’s cracked up to be. Squished myself into the body of this lovely American crow. We settled down, built a nest, and laid several nice, healthy eggs with a man-bird by the name of “Richard Baxter.”

He was a very proud bird, very large. And he gave me so many wonderful gifts. Like children, and also small pieces of plastic.

I still have all of them.

The plastic, not the children.

I’d never been so happy, all these hormones had me consumed in the joy of motherhood, but the crow’s health was failing. I could not sustain myself—it’s pathetic little heart beat weaker and weaker.

I tried starving, I tried everything I could, I wanted to be a bird so bad. But it just wasn’t working out.

The bird stopped working.

The other crows held a funeral service for me, even though I was still alive. I tried to tell them, but I’m not good at speaking, you remember.

It was all just a big mess.

I haven't seen Baxter since, but I still think about him a lot.

Is that weird?

I’m totally over it though, haha.

After that incident, I got kind of depressed... I possessed a lot of trash animals—gulls, racoons, and salespeople. I did what I could to survive. That’s kind of where I am now.

I am currently living in Miami florida—been body surfing almost every day (haha). Right now I’m using a library computer and a librarian. She does not like being possessed, boy howdy are these fingers twitching. But you can thank her for my halfway decent grammar.

I’m tired of feeling like a parasite.

I want to try a different approach.

I want to be friends? Like with Richard Baxter except I also live in your brain and drink your blood sometimes. But I’ll make you bread in your sleep, so it’s okay.

It’s been really hard finding someone willing to put up with me.

I’ve tried everything.

So I thought I would put up an advertisement online, why not?

Can’t say the P word in real life, but you can hear it in your head loud enough I hope.

I know I kept saying that I would compensate you financially, but I’m going to be real with you, I don’t have much. I’ve got like twenty bucks, some small pieces of plastic and a book about...finance....

But I’m a real hoot! ;D

So,

(P)lease,

If you are interested, leave your comments below. I would love to get to know you :)

I need to go now, the library is closing soon, but I’ll get back as soon as I can.

[pixelsilver]

Isekai me into animorphs so I can fucking die.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

@peregrineggsandham

Sound off for trans guys who straight-up named themselves after Tobias. (I cannot be the only one.) Those books were integral to my understanding of the world as a kid+teen, and that character... jeez.

Whaaaaaaat. That is next-level AMAZING. I love it.

[autoraton]

i think a normal amount about @thejakeformerlyknownasprince's A-town.

commissions are open!

[gros-chat-fait]

A 2-part series inspired by the #54 cover which paid homage to the Stones' Hot Rocks 64-71 Compilation cover.

The songs:

Cassie - 14/Street Fighting Man Jake - 19/You Can't Always Get What You Want Rachel - 02/Heart Of Stone