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OG Soap meets '22 Ghost

OG Soap: Where the hell am I? What the hell happened?? Ghost: You're in our base, 141- OG Soap: .... OG Soap: Are you Ghost? Simon? Simon Riley? Ghost: Yeah...? OG Soap: You got taller. Ghost: I did? OG Soap: Cooler voice, too. Ghost: Thanks? OG Soap: You're still fucking emo though, why is that the reoccurring thing?

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Price VS Soap (OG)

Captain Price: Recruits! As part of your training you can pick your Captain who will be leading you through said training here at 141. Make your selections now, please. Recruits: ... Captain Price: Don't be scared now, kids. It's pathetic. Go stand by whichever Captain you want. Recruits: *Scrambling towards Captain Mactavish* Captain Price: Are you fucking kidding me. Captain Mactavish: *Fucking crying with laughter* Captain Price: Well at least I've got.. one. One recruit. Captain Mactavish: Hey, kid! You can hop off his dick, it's alright, it's pretty much dust anyway. Pick who you really want! Recruit: ... Recruit: *Scrambles over to Soap* Captain Price: FUCKS SAKE JOHN! Captain Mactavish: RIGHT BACK AT YA JOHN!

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Me playing MW 2022: Yo I love Nikolai omg hot Russian man such a cutie pie I'd let him hit. Me playing OG MW: I hate you so fucking much you ugly son of a bitch why are you so annoying even without saying ANYTHING??? GET AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE

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Rodolfo: H-How did you know I was gay? Laswell: *snaps fingers* Laswell: Oh honey, I knew just from looking at you. Rodolfo: ...? Laswell: I'm... I'm trying to be hip. Cool with the kids, y'know? Rodolfo: ......... Rodolfo: I'm 38...

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Soap, sighing: I had to retire a piercing today. Shame. Loved it so much. Ghost: Soap, you don't have any face piercings? Soap: (⚈₋₍⚈) Ghost: Soap why are you looking at me like that? Soap: ( ˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Ghost: Johnny stop you're scaring me

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Soap: I'm in love with a troll Ghost: Come again? A what? Soap: A troll... Soap: Floyd the troll Ghost: Are you talking about that fucking children's film????! Soap: Let me take you to a better placeeeee~ Ghost: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE WITH A TROLL Soap: I'm in love with a fucking troll, Simon, deal with it. He's more than you'll ever be.

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Graves: I hate British people. Rodolfo: I hate you you're so fucking ugly and gross and cruel and I bet you eat fucking poptarts for dinner everyday cause you can't cook, you American twinkie-bar. Graves: I wasn't even insulting you?!?? Alejandro: Sorry, he does this sometimes. Rudy, no. Rodolfo: Did you just fucking 'Rudy no' me like a dog? Rodolfo: I'm going to commit mass genocide and you two are first. Alejandro: Not this again- Rudy we've been over this, no mass genocides. Rodolfo: You're not my dad! Graves: I think I'm going to leave.. Rodolfo: No. You stay right. Fucking. Here. Amigo. Graves: I'm scared Alejandro: You should be.

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Soap, captured by Graves: Let me tell you something, Mr. Graves: ... what? Soap: I think you should E-N-D your L-I-F-E. B-E-... Ghost, pss, Ghost. Ghost, tied up next to him: What? Soap: How do you spell because? Ghost: ......... Ghost: B-E-C-A-U-S-E? Soap: What he said- Y-O-U. S-U-C-K. B-I-T-C-H. Ghost: Just put a B-U-L-L-E-T in my skull already, Graves.

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CoD characters' Overwatch mains

141 + Laswell + Nik + Roach Price: Soldier. 100% That man is a soldier player and you cannot convince me otherwise. He wouldn't know how to play anyone else. Ghost: Dabbles in all sorts, mostly Reaper. He likes the dark, edgy characters, but his secret side-main who he'll never speak about publicly is Mercy. Gaz: Baptiste. But he also adores Ashe. Roach: Cassidy. He loves his voicelines (and his looks, though he won't admit it outloud) Soap: Junkrat. He doesn't care about teamwork off of the field. Just bombs. Laswell: Ana. They're identical, I'm telling you. No further reasoning needed. Nikolai: Pharah. He likes being in the air, even in videogames. ~~~ Los Vaqueros + Valeria Alejandro: Reinhart. He just charges in there swinging and hoping for the best. Rodolfo: Lifeweaver. He spends the entire game bringing Alejandro back from the brink of death and wondering why he even bothered introducing Ale to this game in the first place. Valeria: Sombra. I see no difference between the two. She likes to traumatise Rudy by stalking him. ~~~ KorTac Graves: Doomfist/Roadhog. Likes being tank, likes being a leader and most importantly, likes harassing semi-innocent people. König: Widowmaker. He just wants to be a sniper, dammit. Horangi: Hanzo and Reaper. Spams the most edgiest of voicelines. ~~~ Honourable mentions Farah: Any hitscan. Ashe, Soldier, Widow. Alex: Farah's little pocket-puppy- Mercy.

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Alejandro: Hey, Rudy, I- Rodolfo, startling and shoving something out of sight: Oh hey, Ale'! Alejandro: Rudy. Rodolfo: Ale'. Alejandro: Give it. Rodolfo: No? Alejandro: I told you to stop making those. Rodolfo, acting innocent: Making what? Alejandro: I KNOW YOU'VE GOT A FUCKING VOODOO DOLL, HAND IT OVER. NOW. Rodolfo, handing over his mini Graves voodoo doll: But Colonellll- Alejandro: None of this, go to your room. Rodolfo: I'M IN MY FUCKING ROOM! Alejandro: WELL YOU'RE GROUNDED THEN! Rodolfo: I'M THIRTY-THREE!??? YOU DON'T OWN ME Alejandro: I KIND OF DO??? Rodolfo: YOU'RE NOT MY DAD! Alejandro: YOU DON'T HAVE ONE ANYWAY. MADE A DOLL OF HIM YET, HUH? OH WAIT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE Rodolfo: .. Alejandro: Too far? Rodolfo: Give me back my Graves toy and I'll forgive you Alejandro: Fuck off you're grounded Rodolfo: MOTHERFUCKER???!!

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MWII Rodolfo refusing to help during the tank fight: I was far too scared to hit him... MWIII Rodolfo, mauling Graves at first sight: BUT I WOULD HIT HIM IN A HEART BEAT NOWWW

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Roadtripppp!

Soap, squished in the back seat: And why exactly does Gaz get to sit in the front again, Cap'n? Price, driving: Because he's my favourite. Also I don't trust Ghost being near the wheel. Ghost, grumbling looking out the window: Whatever, asshole. Gaz, smug in the front seat: It's true though, ever since Las Almas- Ghost: I get it, I get it, you don't have to remind me. Rudy, smushed between Soap and Ghost: Why am I here again? Soap: I needed a cuddle buddy, obviously? Ghost isn't a cuddling type, are you Ghost? Ghost: Nope. Rudy, sobbing: I want to go home. Alex, in the trunk: Can we pull over I REALLY need to piss. Farah, strapped to the roof outside peering through a window: Oh YOU want to pull over??!? Alejandro in Gaz's footwell like a literal dog: I feel so uncomfortable right now. Laswell, on the phone already at the destination, laughing: Should've just taken a plane, lady and gents. Should've just taken a fucking plane.

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141s reaction to the question: 'are you gay?'

Price: No, I don't think so- maybe? Who knows. I don't really care about labels. Why should I? If I meet the right one, that's all that matters. Gaz: 20 bucks is 20 bucks, I'll do anything for 20 bucks. Ghost: Why the fuck would I tell you anything? Unless you're wanting to get inside my pants you don't need to know. For the record, I don't want you in my pants, fuck off. Soap: Yesn't. Laswell: Let me let you in on a little secret...

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Rudy, driving to the safehouse: Man, it'd be nice to get some tunes up in here, take away the edge... Lets switch the radio on. Radio, crackling to life: Country roadddd, take me homeeee-! Rudy: Seriously? I wish I was fucking home. No thanks. Radio: I hate you, I love you~ Rudy: Are you fucking for real right now? Radio: I hate everything about you-! Why do I love you?? Rudy: IS GRAVES RUNNING ALL THE FUCKING RADIO SERVICES!???? Radio: We are family! Rudy, desperately switching channels now: WE'RE NOT FAMILY FUCKS SAKE-! Radio: Don't call my name, don't call my name Alejandro!! Rudy: I HATE THIS FUCKING CAR- *fucking crashes it*

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Soap and Ghost find a child

Soap: Hey, hey, you're alright, shh Child, hiccupping: I'm scared, Mr! Soap: I know, kidda, I know. Here- let's play a game, hm? You ever heard of 'I spy'? Child: Y-yeah. Soap: Bril', I'll go first, I spy something with my little eye beginning with... S. Child: Um... sand? Soap: Well done, yeah, it's sand. Ghost, why don't you go next? Ghost, humming: Alright. Ghost: I spy with my little eye something beginning withhhh... B. Child: Uhmmm, bricks? Ghost: Nope. Soap: Branches? Ghost: Nope. Child: Building? Ghost: Nope. Ghost: Give up? Soap and the child: Yeah. Ghost: It's very obvious, you know. They're everywhere. Soap: I'm sure it is- wait, Simon- SIMON NO- Ghost: It's bodies! Soap: SIMON Child, sobbing: THOSE ARE MY FAMILLYYYYY!! Ghost: Twinning! Soap: SIMON, NO-!

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If Roach could talk

Captain MacTavish during the first Mission with him in MW2: C'mon, Roach, I'll race you to the intel-point! Roach, having survived being straight-up abandoned and almost being found and brutally murdered by Russians: Race me? RACE ME? ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL WHAT DO YOU MEAN RACE ME Captain MacTavish: Hah, I won. Roach: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE FIRST YOU WERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING GLOBE??!? Captain MacTavish: Took the scenic route didn't you? Roach: I was literally three meters from the point. I left a trail of blood in the snow on my way here. Nothing about that screams scenic you DICK!!!!

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Soap wants to find love

Soap, talking to Gaz on a squad's night out to a bar: It's so hard to find love nowadays... Gaz, scoffing: What do you mean? Look around you, there's so many to pick from! Soap, looking around: Are you kidding me? Soap: Price is too old, Laswell is gay AND married AND too old, Nik is... Nikolai, blackout drunk flirting with Price: Can I buy you another drink, Price? Soap: Nik is Nik, you're like a brother to me, Alejandro I think has... issues. Alejandro: RUDY BET ME TEN BUCKS THAT I CAN'T FLIP THIS TABLE OVER! Soap: Rudy is- Rodolfo: AY I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT SO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE, ALE, I SWEAR TO GOD Alejandro: I'M DOING IT, RAHHHH!!!!!! Rodolfo: ALEJANDRO VARGAS PUT THAT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT RIGHT NOW! Soap: Rudy clearly has things he has to deal with. There's Ghost, but Ghost is, well, look at him. Gaz, looking around: Where even is he? Soap: He didn't even COME, Gaz. He's off in the nearby park being emo or something. Gaz: Hey, well, there's Alex! Or Farah. Soap: Gaz they're very clearly dating. Gaz: Wait what.