#annoying when you put out your genuine self as the best way to attract authenticity in others and instead it's played with

[neverendingford]

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[nikkoliferous]

Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram: 

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all. 

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

—

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy 

Just wanna remind everyone that this 

is why he’s smiling during this scene 

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂 

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring. 

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger 

Honestly, though, big mood. 

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway. 

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather. 

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is. 

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.  

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess… 

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD. 

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol 

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol 

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit. 

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

[thejenesaisquoigirl]

DnD Ask Meme- Talise

Link to original, blank meme: https://thejenesaisquoigirl.tumblr.com/post/186529464305/dnd-asks More about my tiefling swashbuckler under the cut~!

1) What would they consider to be their biggest failure?

Oof. Maybe not being able to save her family, or at least her sister-in-law and nephew. Maybe her (former) deep reliance on alcohol once her memories started coming back. Trauma is a motherfucker

2) What’s the story behind their name?

When I first went to grad school visit days at my current institution two years ago, there was another person interviewing with a name that sounded similar. Really loved it and added on LaPearl for her alias’ last name (for her eyes). Her birth name is my Warden from Dragon Age Origins (Hozanna Cousland, only more french) since the backstory shares a lot of similarities. 

3) What’s their relationship with their family?

When she was Hosanna, very close. They all loved learning (though maybe different things), the people in their city, and each other. She was closest to her brother, Yanis, despite their age difference. She felt adrift after losing them and finding Yanis has upset any equilibrium she was finding. 

4) What’s one song that describes them or is them?

The cover of Rise that Superfruit did on their channel

5) Who is their best friend?

Yanis was her best friend growing up; the years after losing him were rough but she was working towards a place of resignation...then they found him alive. As Talise, it’s super weird because yes, her brother used to be able to embarrass her in her previous life; but now, it’s the first time she’s ever felt shame. Hosanna, while sharing a small flair for the dramatic, was a very different person than Talise was crafted to be. But in the party, Jax is the closest to a best friend. 

6) Why are they their class?

 She was reincarnated by a coast druid, and it was only natural to join a crew due to not remembering her past right away. Her previous skill with dueling with a rapier mixed with her familiarity with locks led to her embellishing her new self into the type of sailor one would find in a storybook. 

7) What do they think of their party members?

She feels distinct lines in the sand amongst the party. At first, said lines seemed only about their sleeping habits (there was no other way the rooming arrangements could have shaken out and everyone live). But now, it feels very much like two separate factions working together. Separately: Q- she’s terrified of everything she does being in that book, and she has a hard time wrestling with his innocent naiveté when it reminds her of who she used to be. Briony- Not used to being around women in a strictly friendship sense, but is happy for her presence so Q has someone of a similar maturity. Braxton- He’s rarely there. Annoyed yet darkly amused when he takes point with trap checking and lock-picking; annoyed because she assumes he believes himself an expert in everything (maybe due to him being slightly misogynistic)...amused because she's better and it’s funny to watch him fail due to his own hubris. Jax- They instinctually understand each other. It’s complicated but in a good way as she thinks the world of him. Caspian- Like recognizes like but she feels they have different motivations behind collecting information...and it’s hard for her to move beyond a betrayal of trust. She does enjoy bantering with him and sharing a penchant for innuendo.

8) In what ways are they similar to you?

Insightful, observant, curious, collector of knowledge, has two sides to protect her softness

9) In what ways are they different from you?

Unashamed in the way she moves through the world, unabashedly flirtatious and teasing, confident, how she copes with things (tends to be physical indulgences), seeing trust as black and white, unafraid of confrontation or large birds

10) What do they look for in a romantic partner, if they have a romantic orientation?

She’s super pan and attracted to interesting people. She loves those who keep her guessing and have layers she can explore without ever becoming bored. With a lot of hidden quirks, they need to be fine in indulging her intense love for museums or sleeping in until the latest time possible. Because of stuff that happened in her past, she needs someone who she feels safe with and who can handle that baggage. Someone who can keep up with her banter but who can be soft with her; she wants an equal partner and not someone who she has to take the reins from all the time. So confidence, intelligence, depth, strength, compassion. 

11) If they had a patronus or animagus form, what would it be?

Ooooooooo....idk. Maybe a panther animagus? Something that slinks around with confidence but can be very soft. Patronus would be a cat like Talis or a hippogriff like Fantôme...or a peafowl.

12) What do they smell like?

The ocean and "oriental” notes with hints of coconut and citrus. Someone who has sailed the coastline would have had the opportunity to collects lots of sachets of things to scent their clothing along with various oils, etc which lends itself to the “oriental” perfume family.

13) What is their secret skill?

Sketching/drawing. She’s intensely private about it; but has charcoal, pencils, and a sketchbook in her pack that’s rather like a diary.  

14) What is their relationship to spirituality?

Non-existent save for some superstitions. Hosanna was religious but not superstitious; Talise reversed it as she had a hard time retaining her faith in anything.

15) If they were to be remembered for something, what would they want to be remembered for?

NOT for what happened in her previous life, unless that remembrance served the greater good. She’d just like to be remembered, in general, rather than lost to lines in a book. She wants people to speak kindly of her and the small amount of goodness she’s put into the world.

16) Why did they become an adventurer?

Chance meeting in Dolcino when she was taking a break from sailing haha And news of Yanis came up on their travels so she had to see it through.

17) What’s one thing about their backstory that came to you after you already started playing the campaign?

One notable thing--hadn’t even thought about her being an alcoholic (sober now) until making her playlist. For some reason, “Chandelier” kept coming up and it had to have been a sign because it’s deepened her in ways I wasn’t expecting. Also her tattoos. And her not being a morning person xD

18) Do you have any headcanons for them that haven’t come up in game? Or headcanons for other party members?

Absolutely. Her tattoos and why she has them (only one person in the party has probably seen them); what drove her to her alcoholism; and her sketching. Other party members: Q- that he has tried to teach some magic to Quirrel enough times that Quirrel can mimic the somatic components of some spells; that he’s instantly awake in the mornings with a pep in his step. Briony- that she genuinely doesn’t know or understand how privileged she is and so makes statements about some type of princess-y thing she thinks is normal but is very much not. Jax- he has Talise braid his hair before sleeping because it’s more effective than a ponytail in keeping it neat at night; he quietly chats with Francis when he needs to think through things weighing on his mind; he keeps a tiny, secret notebook to make notes to himself on things he remembers, things he enjoys, etc. Caspian- when he reads dialogue he really likes in books, he’ll speak it aloud until he figures out the exact voice for the character so he can use it for later; 

19) Any ships with your character? If a PC or NPC, what interaction launched it?

She’s the first character in a LONG time I legit ship with another PC. Whether it becomes romantic or remains platonic (it’s not just up to me or Talise), Jax is the most significant person in her life–excluding her brother. They just got each other from day one and they seem to be the only ones able to easily talk to the other, even when the subject is difficult. The canon you created about her feeling safe with Jax is 100% true; ever since Before, she has a hard time sleeping around other people but she trusts him enough to even share a bed…and he’s the only one with whom she would never be anything but truthful. At their core, they are people reinventing themselves after tragedy but don’t know if they’re doing it right. But Jax makes Talise feel it’s alright to be who she authentically is rather than acting the part she’s written for herself; and to find joy again in the things from her past. The ship’s legit launch was after their serious conversation about “equivalent exchange” in relationships (about Caspian) and has since been buoyed by all their side chats + interactions. “…are you just going to stare at me?” “Until you’re ready.”

20) What would your character consider their biggest success? Or what is your favorite success your character has had so far?

Finding her brother and beginning to reconcile Hosanna with Talise. My favorite success was that conversation mentioned above...or successfully surprising characters and peeps with her backstory drops.

[autowrite]

Ardennes Trip Journal - 28.07.19 - 10.08.19

Day 1

23:15 The adventure continues. So much to say and only 14 minutes to do it in. The accommodation is pretty crappy. An old youth hostel converted into something..maybe not even converted. I arrived with 2 woman who couldn’t find their way here with a GPS. Right now I feel like I’ve let myself down a bit. I promised myself I would be authentic, I feel like Im hiding, crawling back into my shell. I promise myself that I will do what it takes to be authentic here, even if I don’t totally know what it means. I think it has to do with flow, carefree ness. There are a few girls here that I’m attracted to, one of them is the lady in charge of the volunteers. She doesn’t have a pretty face but she wears tight clothing and she has a nice body. I like tight clothing on a nice body. I feel like I underestimated the amount of work I’ll have to do here. It seems like mostly work with a bit of free time over. I would like to see more of the surroundings but I’m not sure what, I’m not even sure how curious I am to be honest. The meals are vegetarian and don’t seem to be enough, I have a feeling I won’t be able to fall asleep quickly because I’m kinda hungry. My mind has been hijacked by Mara. I keep thinking about having a little fling with Hanna. I gave her a hug earlier when we were alone in the bathroom. Damn, how did I manage that? The truth is I’m just using her. Lust is toxic, it’s toxic. But the pull toward her is strong. If I go down this road it will lead to another and then another and then another. It doesn’t stop until I put an end to it. Until I make the decision to not engage. The people that work here are rather nice. Bert and Wim and Carlos. There are very cute and friendly young little cats here. This evening I saw the mommy cat run into the garden, frantically lookin*for one of her young ones, and then she gave her a little mice she caught to  play with. It was so adorable. I would like to use my time here to also be able to relax and read and go for walks and bloom socially.

14:00 I’m on a train. It takes almost 4 hours to get there and the time is flying. I’ve read some google reviews of the place and a lot of people say the inside looks kind of shitty and that the food is too vegan. Mixed responses. But then they also say it’s isurroinded by beautiful nature in the middle of nowhere, I’m curious about that! I think it’s going to be pretty cool. I’m tried right now, I need some sleep. I hope I get along with my colleagues, I hope that I can flip the switch and be open, spontaneous and helpful. Wild, adventurous, authentic. Funny af.  I guess all I’m looking for is a nice place to wake up in, with fresh air, some structure, a place to read and relax, a place to push myself a little in terms of social interactions! I’m glad I thought of journaling, I’ll write in this thing every day. They say that phones and WiFi doesn’t park very well there, not sire of this is a good or bad thing but I’m leaning more to it being a good thing. I’m a little worried that I’ll be my usual, rather serious, seldom-able-to-genuinely-smile self, that I’ll close up and all my (perfectly acceptable and even good) ideas will remain ideas in my head, that I might not have the courage to act on ‘em? Maybe? Perhaps? We’ll see. I got a lot of books with me, I’m happy about that. They have a piano there, playing piano is a very meditative practice (even kinda spiritual). I’m also a tad concerned that everyone will be ‘nice’ in an annoying way, like super-friendly, heart-on-their-sleeves millennials there to confront me with how old and uptight I am :-) I’m actually just a big kid inside, but showing that side takes a lot of guts, requires a lot of freedom (giving myself permission to be free), requires a certain amount of trust ofcourse. But I want just that. Carefreeism. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Ain’t no one, NO one going to give you permission to put on that hat, that’s a decision you make on your own..Writing this I feel a bit like the main character from a Michael hollebeqs ‘Whatever’. A guy who’s very aware of everything, has a fair amount of emotional intelligence, but is a little dead inside. Desperately in need of using his imagination, spontaneity. Fuck it i don’t want that! I reckon the people there will be hippy types with loose, comfortable clothing. Some dreadlock types that I will kind of look down on but they’ll be too busy living there lives (like I should be doing) to care. Fuck, when did this become a novel? I’m writing this as though someone is going to read it, someone like Lisa and I’m trying my best to be all insightful and clevah. Fuck that, this is my journal and I’ll be as daft and incoherent as I want. Meanwhile small Wallonian towns zip past me under overcast weather from this train. This little spot here is my comfort zone but also a creative abs therapeutic space. Fuck this train announce speak is loud and just above me. I’m hungry. I’m concerned abou this strict vegan policy they have there, that I’ll be hungry all the time, and won’t be able to sleep. I’m enthusiastic about apply Radical Acceptance techniques to this experience. To take the time to recognise how I feel, to ‘paise’ and offer myself some compassion perhaps. It’s okay, whatever happens: it’s okay. Showing up as you is ok. Feeling afraid and unsafe is okay. Being jouuous and free is okay. Doing you is ok. Not doing you is ok. Not having a good time is ok. You’re ok. I DON’T want to use this journal as a place to hide. A place to observe the world on the other side of some glass. Day 2

9:50 I slept ok, not great. The beds were ok. I have 10 minutes to write this and it all feels a bit rushed. I got laundry to do coz my shit is filthy. The weather is really nice and there is a really pretty courtyard with flowers and birds and little cats. Breakfast was pretty good, lots of oatmeal and things to choose from. I’m really bummed abiut the fact that our shifts here are split up in 2, through out the day, making it hard to leave the premise. I’m sitting here in the kitchen and there’s a world out there that I’d like to discover. The water for the shower is warm as opposed to hot. I’m tired but I’m so used to it that I hardly notice it anymore. I don’t feel much like talking, and others seem to want to talk. I don’t mind that much I guess, but I also want to not feel obligated to chat. But when I’m on my own i also feel a bit restless. I’m bothered by the stains on my shorts which look a bit gross. Worried that ill be limited to only the kitchen and the immediate surroundings while I’m here. The ‘sugar’ I put in my coffee is unrefined and tastes kind of gross. I have a feeling I’m going to get annoyed by the work here. I came here to work but also enjoy the surroundings. Damn. 22:30 I’m super tired right now, o feel o should have gotten more rest. They make us work a lot over here, it’s testing my laziness. I went for a walk and it was quite nice. I’m giving this experience a 6 out of 10 so far. I feel like a kid at times. I saw a horse that was blind in one eye, I stroked his face and his hit vs,r off on my finger. He seemed very ol and quite sad. I would have done more for him if I knew what he wanted. I have this feeling that I’m missing something. This afternoon I sat in front of the piano and I could lose myself in the notes. It was meditativive and restorative. It felt like something spiritual, I enjoyed it. I, tore, did I mention I was tired. I also feel a bit floppy and like...not a whole person. I’m worried that I’ll be stuck in arrested development forever, I feel so immature at times. I know that reliving the pain would fix it all but you can’t force these kind of things. Anyway, the weather is good, the people are nice and I’m happy to call it a night. I feel like I can do a lot more though.

Day 3 

22:50 I woke up today in a really bad mood. Not enough sleep, bad sleep. We eat vegan food here all day long, maybe that’s effecting it. I have quite a lot of wind, but that’s ok. I worked today, it’s 5 or 6 hours but it feels like all day. I’m happy to be here. I socialise all day too, and it’s fine. Sometimes not fine, sometimes I’m gripped with self-consciousness every time I open my damn mouth. Sometimes it feels like every single interaction is awkward, I know what is required is to let go but I probably put too much  pressure into it. Letting go is actaully effortless really, want an idea.  Anyway, I ended things with Katya today and i think this is for the best. I’m smoking too much and I think it’s for the best. I think about Carlos quite a bit, he’s quite a special dude. And Wim is leaving tomorrow and I’m sorry about that, I’m gonna miss him a little. His brother Bert is a nice guy, such an open and friendly person, with a big heart. I find it hard to make eye contact with himi, in a way. The ladies love him. Speaking of ladies I went with a walk with Hanne and I made tons of moves to the point she felt uncomfortable. When I returned I felt guilty and empty. I’d like to relax more here. I’m looking into doing something similar to this in a place with an ocean. This whole experience has been good. The work grounds me, puts things into perspective, but I have to admit I was expecting something a little better than this. I now know that my idea of farming or working in this way was merely a romantic one. Actually I want to be around creative people. People like me who want to make things, get lost in things, I’m just not yet sure what that ‘thing’ is.

Day 4 

22:40 Sitting here in the back of my corvette. Sitting here in the mountains of Spain, not claiming to know anything anymore. And so the journey begins.. Day 4. I keep asking Hanne for hugs. I worked in the garden today, I wasnt feeling it very much at  all. But I should be greatful, my teenage years were really tough, said the talk show host. I’m greatly out of touch with my center today, I could meditate on this though, embrace it, use it, it feels good to be alone. 12 minutes every single day. I’m waiting for the American cook. Hanna is leaving tomorrow for holiday in Schotland, I feel sad abiut that. And Wim left today. It was really nice getting to know him. He told me a lot about his travelling through South America. He’s got this crazy look in his eyes, he looks a bit like he took some bad acid, he also looks like someone who might be an alcoholic. I feel like I’m not capable of getting close to anyone at times, and they can sense it. I want to though, maybe they don’t notice it. Hanne is a work horse, but obviously has her own issues. She is cute though. Jeff is also cool of course. I feel like I scare people. I got a nice compliment from Carlos who said I should do stand up comedy. Where the heck is Lorenzo at? He said that to me 2 once. I get my energy by losing myself in creativity, making jokes. I get my creativity from a lot of things. Right now I’m in bed, nothing to be said. Right now I live like there’s a tomorrow, a red car racing. Like MJ and codependency. I called Lisa, she sounded enthusiastic and happy to hear from me. Latisha is doing well and is her cute self, miss her. I saw someone take one of the little cats away today and I cried just a little. I’m sure she  will be loved in her new home.

Day 5

21:50 Day 5 in Orval. I like it here, it’s peaceful. The grass is green, the birds sing and there’s cats around. I worked in the kitchen today and then then the garden. Enough to fill the day and I’m tired and ready for bed. Hanna left for Schotland today, I fooled around with her in her bedroom, but she held me at bay and I wasn’t interested in treating her like a sex object. She’s sweet and deserves a lot better. Carols was up to his usual tricks, conspiracy theories and what not. We found out today that I weigh twice as much as him. I’m actually gaining weight here, crazy. I’m saving money while being here, and doing the right thing. One of my goals being here is to show up authentically every single day. I’m kind of doing that, but sometimes I’m not sure what that means. I think it involves using my body. My work ethic has become a bit of a joke, I’m the guy that breaks away from the kitchen to play piano, it has crossed my mind that I like it when people are talking about me, even f it’s negative, even if it’s laughing. I think i night want constant reassurance, but deep down I want something more real than that, you know? Meditate on that. I’m not meditating, but enough about me. Wim is returning tomorrow, that’s cool. Not sure if I have a half day off tomorrow or not. The good is great. I haven’t eaten a single animal product in 5 days. I feel fine, I don’t feel amazing though, like the early days of changing my diet. Worked with Jeff in the garden, the sun was shining real pretty like, I posed as a Mexican drug cartel worker, it was silly. I thought I lost my kindle, but I didn’t.  I want to make plans to go on more walks, do some excercise, get up early. I would like to make kale smoothies too. I had an amazing insigh today, often when people talk to me, I feel a lot of tightening up around the heart. Construction of the heart. It’s clear in a way. That’s when I decide to relax and look the person right in the eye, and I feel the wall, the constricting melt a little. Other times I feel the opposite way, other times I feel my heart opening up, and I feel love and I honestly feel like giving the people around me a big big. There are people here that have stayed for 5 months. You can save money by being here. Don’t got back to Hurtsville. Your time here is good.

Day 6 

23:10 Day 6 in bold. They make us work too much over here. I did some weeding today, fuck, never doing that again. I lasted an entire hour. I think I’d lose my mind if I were a farmer, I need people too much. Need em to reassure me, tell me I’m alive. It’s been a long day, we work about 32 hours/week here. That’s almost a full time job, what a crappy candle. The highlight of my day might have been my meditation. Sitting under a tree with a horsefly that I killed,  it very Buddha like. The meditation helped me become more grounded. Later I went on Facebook. What the help are we doing with our lives? My her is Conan, what a silly name. How does this guy come up with so many jokes, he’s so damn funny. ‘My riff-gun was jammed’ Patton Oswald. I need a plan or a goal while I’m here. I’m stuck on this island and I’m not alone. More walks please, more excercise. Wim returned and that’s cool.

Day 7

22:40 Carlos the little monkey with the conspiracy theories. I’m getting back into using my phone again, and a little bit of porn too. It was very tiring day today. Wim and I went for a walk, we went to the abdij where Orval beer is made but we didn’t go in. We got personal, talked about heavy, personal stuff. I can’t say that it did much for me. I still feel like a sense of self, or bottom or ground is missing, and that’s ok, that’s just the kind of guy I am. We worked a lot and I felt so lazy, so tired. We are working something like 35 hours a week. I haven’t worked this much in a long time, it’s more work than I expected obviously. The weather was good, new groups have arrived and I find myself eyeing the ladies. I make a lot of jokes and everyone laughs at them it’s almost too easy. Acceptance. Nature. Hide away, dancing. 5 rhythm dancing. Dance to Maastricht. I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know. Bert used to live in Costa Rica. He’s so at ease with himself it’s crazy. He says it’s all about being in the body, and dancing and yoga and some meditation. Wim must feel overshadowed a little, I still really enjoy playing the piano, I still feel the need to be an entertainer or performer of some kind. Do your best forget the rest, thanks for coming.

Day 8

00:15 Im beat, what a day. I feel tired and immature. The asshole social worker. We cleaned today, the entire kitchen. It was a time of laziness, and work and seriousness. I, getting fatter over here. The American cook showed up. And a very young couple. And the bosss and his hens. The American cook is called Mark or Marc and he comes acrosss like a healthy and capable man with an eye for the ladies. His wife or girlfriend also seems nice. I met a very nice girl today called Sophie, me and Wim had a drink with her. It’s good to be here, good to be in the real world. On Tuesday I get my day off, I guess the only thing I’m planning to do is rest. Wim and I are getting closer, lots of laughs and stuff. I feel small and inadequate right now and it’s uncomfortable, but I’ll breathe into it, accept it,  have it down the whole. I think you can do a lot with it but maybe never fully get used to it. Or something? I coughed a lot, I have a slight hangover now. I’m still impressed with this Sophie girl I just met. She seems so nice. I feel fat. Stick to your principals.

Day 9 

00:05 Camp fire singing. I should count my blessings. I feel a bit like a coward but I guess I should be proud that I sang. I lost my center, but that’s ok, everything is ok. Lots of laughs with Wim, I’m going to miss that dude. Staring at Melissa’s legs a lot. Cooking in the kitchen, with Mark and his pleasant wife. Mark is not a Buddhist, but he respects them. I felt intense shame while trying my best to play guitar. I want to frame it differently though, I want to quantify it coz I want to pass through it. Pass through the eye of the storm, it’s so nice on the other side, I’m sure of it. Sophie is so nice, I haven’t met a girl that nice in a while. Feels like I keep holding back, but beating myself up over it doesn’t make it better, doesn’t change anything. I woke up late and missed most of breakfast. I was in a lousy mood. Wim offered to do my dishes. There are so many people here, it’s non-stop interaction, at times it gets a bit much. I took a nap today and passed out almost immediately. I feel embarrassed by my weight. A new volunteer arrived in heels. Katy the 19 year old girl stood very close to me when i did something on my phone. Marks music is a bit boring in the kitchen. Wim and I shared many laughs, he’s a good guy. He cracks me up, I’m lucky to have him here. It’s good to be random, it’s good to not make sense, it’s a way to shake it all off. Inside of me is a child that wants to be let out. It wants light and air and to be seen, but he doesn’t feel safe. He’s embarrassed and ashamed and doesn’t feel good enough, but it’s the closest to something real I’ll ever feel. Jeff is a really nice, sincere, honest dude. I like him. But I gotto be real, if I don’t care I don’t care. Life I can be tough, so confusing at times. But I’m here, I’m doing this, I’m a alive, I laugh a lot, I accept.

Day 10

23:15 The skies were gray today. Wim left for the second time and he took Thomas with him. I was having a bad day until I took a nap and did some journaling. I walked down the road by myself and sat some of the crappy but charming neighbourhood housing. I’m eating less and less and I feel great right now. All this vegan food, no meat for almost 2 weeks. I feel looser today, happy to be around Wim and Jeff, happy to talk bullshit, more in a flow. Out there the air is thick with rain air, and tents are scattered across the grass bellow me. Mark is a nice guy but I notice we all get a bit more serious when he’s around us. It’s interesting to note that. I’ve been travelling with my dick in my pocket, I made a move on one of the girls here and I plan on subtly making moves on Katy, or whatever her name is, which is kind of gross of me. I should be ashamed of myself.. but enough about me, I was just following my dick. It feels good to be here though, I’m going to miss it. I’m glad I met Wim and plan to see him when I get back to Antwerp to talk more bullshit, etc etc. ALl these interactions can get a bit much. Melissa is so serious. The energy is good here.

Day 11

00:50 Nothings wrong I don’t get it. Hootchie girl, tease, this is. It going as planned. I strummed my guitar like a beast, leaflets on the floor. Better tomorrow. This is silly. This is silly, I care and I don’t care because I do t know what the heck I’m doing. I just want to stand for something in life. That’s all she said, the importance of being strong and saying something. I’m welcome back anytime. The bird is here, on the roof, performing for god knows who. Unable to break through, because no one ever gave him permission to. That’s sad but dead, gotto get the scream out of my system. I’m glad for you but not excited, we want the same things only different. Artists inside,  but vague in what we want. You’re tall, I’m tall, let’s make babies, let’s quit smoking. I lied to you actually. I’m not hurt, not going in some direction. Taking the piles a day at a time. William Prine, bathroom break. Big butt girl called Anoek, soft eyes, another girl under my belt, I feel gross about it , leaning into the fear is like leaning into the sun. we sat around a fire today, we played songs. Sophie leaned against me until our backs became uncomfortable. The smoke in my hair, the smoke in all of ours. I tried to be brave, I was brave, I sang the best I could. Now is not the time, my defence mechanism is cunning and baffling, I relate to it. I would rather have nothing that be a shaky leaf trying to ‘score’, I feel embarrassed and ashamed and I seek re-assurance. It’s ok toadman, see you at the breakfast table. DAY 13

4:00 I don’t understand what happened. Caily contacted me and told me she was raped by Mark. The American cook I liked. I don’t understand. I don’t feel much, just inklings of some confusion. I’m unable to let this idea sink in property. Raped?? Mark the guy I spent 5 days with raped a 19 year old girl?? Threatened her with a knife?? I don’t understand, this doesn’t compute with me. Caily is a wonderful person, sweet, real, authentic. She contacted me, we chatted for hours. I hope she’s ok, even though I don’t know what to feel. I tired to just keep her company, be there for her. I’m trying to think what I would do if I saw him. He might have ruined a 19 year old girls life.. she’s numb right now and traumatised. This is the world we live in. People who are innocent and real get preyed on by predators it seems. They have their innocence taken away. Caily is one of the most innocent and authentic girls I’ve ever met. So incredibly naive in a way. This man preyed on that if this really happened. I hope she’s ok. I hope she’s able to live fully again. I hope she’s able to process all this, to trust again.

Day 14 conclusions and shit

T’was a perfectly imperfect trip. The conclusion rests in the balance of: I had a really enjoyable time, I’m glad that I went there. As I sit in black shorts and shoes with holes in them on a bench in Antwerp, Orval seems pretty far away already. But it’s cool. I’m not yet sure what to  make about the ending though. A girl might have been raped. I think she was raped because she’s at the police right now. On the last day we did a big clean of the kitchen, the 2nd one during my stay. Sofie was with is helping in the kitchen, chopping onions and doing a splendid job. I was tired from the night before, the third night of building a camp fire and playing sharades and some songs. We gathered the fire wood ourselves, firewood that spat and crackled and carried a few ticks. Caily was with us. We had so much fun. And Jef. Oh how I remeber that night, it was like it was yesterday, or the day before yesterday, which it was. A little sprinkler water to cool us off, we dragged Melissa through the snow, coughing and spitting and giggling like a happy school child. We did good and we did her good

[batterymonster2021]

7 Psychological Effects That Rule Your Whole Life

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7 Psychological Effects That Rule Your Whole Life

Were you aware you might promote a $20 invoice for ten instances its price or then a character you are physically drawn to will not be as sensible and humorous as you believe these things are referred to as cognitive biases and they rule your whole lifestyles with out you even figuring out it listed here are one of the most most outstanding ones beginning with number 7 phenomenon of Max bazerman how rough would it’s to take 20 bucks from an mba student in fact professor max bazerman proves it’s handy peasy in 2010 he first conducted an scan at his type the place he geared up a simple auction he would supply a $20 invoice to the pupil who can pay essentially the most for it the bidding began at $1 the only principles of the public sale the place that bids would best go up by using $1 no less no extra and that the 2d-excellent bidder would pay the entire sum of their bid to the professor so shall we say the quality bid used to be $18 then the 2d-great can be 17 dollars the one who paid $18 would receive the public sale bill and win 2 bucks well the one who bid 17 would simply pay the cash and acquire nothing easy right good at first the public sale went as planned however the stakes rose pretty rapid and quickly the bids reached the nominal value of $20 a pause ensued after which someone bid 21 students started laughing at that however quite the bidding did not stop the auction was turned truly to farce at this factor endured until the students in the end had enough the $20 invoice was offered for 200 $four the overall sum the professor gained totaled $387 as bazerman explained after the tip of the auction it was once the traditional snapshot for any business man or woman he conducted the equal scan with CEOs of important corporations and nonetheless managed to sell the 20 bucks above their face price it all boils all the way down to the truth that no person needs to be the 2nd bidder and lose cash without winning whatever again so the auction continues unless anybody sees the fallacy and decides to discontinue the race many times as you will find it occurs much too late quantity six decoy effect shall we say you’re at an electronics store determining a new SD card for your digicam you see two choices before you one has the potential of 64gb and fees $15 and the other has a storage space of 128gb however fees $30 there is an equal threat of you deciding on either of them some will select greater ability whilst others will go for lessen price which one would you decide upon by the way let me know down in the comments ok and now a third option seems this SD card has the ability of ninety six GB which is greater than the first but minimize than the 2nd but its fee is greater than both it can be $35 this option is known as a decoy and its function is to make the pricier 2nd SD card more favorable within the eyes of consumers indeed while you seem at all three options you without a doubt do not forget handiest the primary two for the reason that the 1/3 one is worse than both of them nonetheless you now look on the 128gb card from an extra perspective it is cheaper than the 96 GB one and as extra cupboard space making it better in all respects the sixty four GB card though is best less expensive than the ninety six GB one but its ability is decrease it can be variety of obvious that you would choose the excellent one proper good advertising and marketing expert obtained you there the only motive why there may be this 0.33 option in the marketplace is to create this decoy to make you buy a more costly product insidious number 5 halo influence adequate talk about cash let’s switch to other concerns ever inspiration how in movies and cartoons excellent characters are often depicted as lovely and appealing to the eye at the same time evil baddies mainly have some repugnant facets like crooked tooth warts or whatever like that this is how our person choice of good and bad character is shaved you can also not become aware of this but when you see an appealing character you tend to magnify their good qualities of persona and that is the gist of the halo outcomes however there’s more to it than that it’s now not only about the bodily features however the overall affect a character makes if she or he is great and charming we usually lengthen these characteristics so everything there is to that individual and our mind attracts them also as sensible funny and witty hmm now that i do know this i will mostly believe my judgment of men and women slightly less oh good quantity four framing influence suppose you’re provided with the alternative of two scientific therapies for some disorder let’s not go into particulars right here the package deal insert for the primary one says it has 80% effectiveness against the sickness at the same time the second one is described as having 20% chance of failure for those who look closely at each of them you’ll be able to conveniently see that they are most likely similar like the equal event however according to data the sizeable majority of individuals would prefer the first treatment over the 2d that is what the framing effect is ready we are likely to select an alternative that is described in a constructive manner even supposing the one other choice is surely the identical individuals will doubtless put out of your mind it in view that it’s been given a terrible description remember the 20% hazard of failure that’s it and the effect clearly applies to something politicians and advertising and marketing experts alike use it so much in their campaigns so pay awareness to the deeper sense no longer the words that body it quantity three phantasm of manage this cognitive bias is on the whole person who describes human nature at high-quality so inform me first when is there a larger danger of entering a avenue accident when you’re using a vehicle or when anybody else is on the wheel and you’re just a passenger hold forth within the feedback i will let you know what the statisticians say about it in a minute in the meantime hear this professor Ellen Langer performed a number of studies to study the perceived control over a crisis considered one of them worried a lottery her subjects had been both given tickets at random or obtained to decide upon their own none of them knew the successful combinations in order that they could not almost certainly comprehend which tickets would have a greater hazard of payoff still the individuals were allowed to trade their tickets to take a look at and win more cash consequently professor Langer saw that humans who chose their possess tickets have been extra reluctant to phase with them also the tickets with familiar symbols were less normally traded than ones bearing specific unfamiliar indicators on high of that despite the fact that the chances were higher subjects with tickets they’d chosen themselves were much less more likely to trade them this suggests that despite the fact that the drawback is utterly random folks tend to believe their choice by hook or by crook influences the outcome we prefer to be in control of the whole lot do not we well I promise to let you know the information for the automobile accident so right here it is the mammoth majority of drivers think that the chances of them getting into one are a lot curb if they’re driving than if they’re using as passengers such self assurance that used to be it authentic for you to give me a like if that was once number two dr.Fox outcomes do not get stressed by the title it is not after any healthcare professional in fact rather the reverse the scan that gave this effect its name was once carried out in 1970 when two speakers gave lectures to an audience of proficient psychiatrists and psychologists the topic was chosen notably in order that not one of the trainees knew some thing about it for the scan to be valid the trap was that some of the lecturers was once a real scientist while the opposite was once an actor Michael Fox below the alias of dr. Myron L Fox an Albert Einstein school of medication graduate when each the precise scientist and the actor gave the lecture in a boring method the students gave higher suggestions to the true lecturer and perform higher on the scan but when they have been both requested to gift the fabric in a more animated manner joking and fascinating the viewers dr.Fox was once rated as extremely because the genuine professor additionally the lecture was once intentionally stuffed with double-speak contradictory statements and downright nonsense but regardless of all that the student spoke very incredibly of dr. Fox’s professionalism and that’s what’s so disturbing about the whole outcome the positive perspective and liveliness of the actor thoroughly fooled a entire audience of particularly trained experts if you happen to ever heard motivational speakers and bought stimulated through their recommendations good possibilities are you’ve got additionally skilled the dr.Foxx result Congrats quantity one spotlight result when you’ve ever felt self-conscious leaving your condo in exceptional socks annoying that all people would laugh and point fingers at you you will have emerge as a sufferer of the spotlight outcomes it is a psychological bias that clearly makes you consider too much of yourself you are the core of your own world that’s for certain nobody lives your existence for you and that’s why you notice every little element in yourself and you naturally tend to suppose that each person else can even see that strange new mole on your forearm or that your nails are not correctly manicured but let’s be sincere how probably do you discover such tiny matters in others my bet is almost under no circumstances that’s considering the fact that every person’s too concerned with themselves to pay a lot awareness to different individuals however don’t get all upset about this it is a greatly fashioned influence just are trying not to believe too much of your own significance in the lifetime of whole strangers so which of those effects have you ever skilled in your own let me recognize down within the feedback in case you learn some thing new at present then supply this video a like and share it with a buddy but hello don’t go anywhere just but we now have over two thousand cool videos so that you can verify out all you need to do is select the left or proper video click on on it and experience keep on the intense side of existence you

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK]

It took me all night to stop feeling embarrassed about the scene Knives caused. Maybe deep down, I really did feel flattered that she cared this much, but it was buried under so much shame and annoyance that I couldn't even feel it accurately. Where did she get off inserting herself into my life as some weird kind of protector? Especially since I didn't need any protecting. At all. That was just some random crap I made up to make it clear that I wasn't interested in her hanging around and making me feel better. Not my fault she was too dense to realise.

A few days later, I saw her again. Just enough time to forget that the whole incident happened before I was freshly reminded because she came barging back into my life. Great.

"Are you stalking me?"

"What?" Knives asked, trying to casually drop down from the tree branch. She landed with a quiet tmp against the little patch of grass around the trunk, a would-be innocent smile playing across her lips. "Noooo… not at all."

"Because it feels like you're stalking me. And what's with that?"

"Nothing!" Her hand whipped to one side, throwing the binoculars so hard that they disappeared into the sky with a brief gleam. "Nobody was watching you since you left the house this morning, don't be silly!"

Sighing, I continued walking down the pavement. She kept pace with me; now that I'd found her out, apparently she had decided there was no point in keeping a low profile anymore. My hands clenched into fists in my hoodie pockets. "Fine. What do you want?"

"Well… I'm trying to do surveillance."

"Yeah, I got that."

"For the challenges? You know… see if I can tell from the outside anything more about what I'll face on the inside. So far, nothing obvious. But I wanna be ready!"

"For the imaginary challenges? Wow, quelle surprise."

"Are they imaginary though?" she breathed with a slight squinting of her eyes.

"Dude… you are so weird." For some reason, that made her grin at me, and I rolled my eyes. Didn't seem to be any point in trying to get rid of her anymore, so I just said, "I'm going to work. You won't have anything to do there but watch me watch old movies."

"I love old movies! Like, like… the first Harry Potter!"

Inwardly, I died a little.

                                                      ~ o ~

This manic chick actually came with me to the video rental store. I shouldn't have to tell you that in this millennium, especially after the first decade of it, there's really no point in even having a video rental store anymore, so we had no customers. It was literally hours of sitting around and watching movie after movie, while maybe one guy came in and asked where 'the good stuff' was kept. My glare sent him packing.

"So was it that bad wherever you went for uni that you ended up slumming it back here again?"

"Not bad," Knives told me as she sat on the counter, spinning the orange she had gotten from a convenience store on the way in her hands. It was the last thing either of us had to eat after we made our way through some cheesy Nineties rom-com. "Just not home. Toronto is just, you know? Like… everything's so cool here."

"Yeah, it's freezing."

"Not right now. Summer in Toronto is like, the best. Plus my friend Tamara lives here, I was hoping I'd see her."

There was something about how genuine Knives was that reminded me of Scott when we first met. That could probably play a role in why they were attracted to each other in the first place, and I might be more certain of that if I were some kind of TV pop-psychologist. As in, Scott saw something of his younger self in Knives, the way he was before he broke my heart and Envy broke his in turn. Yadda yadda.

Maybe that's why I hadn't thrown her out yet. Nostalgia.

"Kim?"

"What?" I snapped, since I had been snapped out of my stupor.

"The movie's over."

"Oh…" Ducking my head, I reached over to pull the DVD of 'The Mystical Head' out of the player. "Shit…"

Head tilted to one side, Knives asked me, "What would you be watching if you had to pick? Right now?"

"Zombie Corpse Mutilator IV: The Zombining."

"Really? Is it any good? I don't watch very many scary movies…"

With a long sigh, I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. Knives tried to balance the orange on the bridge of her nose, failed, and caught it before it fell very far. "You probably just want me to put on some drivel like 'Let's Hope There's A Heaven,' don't you?"

"No," she laughed easily. "What about… 'Seven Shaolin Masters'? I like action, but not like, just a bunch of stuff blowing up. And I heard that one's supposed to be pretty authentic, it was done by a Chinese director."

The way she looked all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed reminded me of a squirrel spotting a nut it hadn't cracked yet. Maybe I was the nut. Who knows? But for some reason, her excitement and complete disregard of whether or not I crapped all over her good mood was getting past my defenses. So much so that I said…

"Sure. Think we have a few copies."

We watched it. Not a bad flick. I guess I like it about as much as I like anything, really. Not high praise, but you get the picture. Knives was eating it up. Really… the weirdest part is that she never complained about having to sit there on the counter, just hopped down once in a while to stretch her legs and lean against it instead. Like we had been doing this for years: her coming to hang out with me while I 'worked'. Felt like the plot of some low-budget indie film, shot in black-and-white to be 'ironic'.

About halfway through, she did go to the lavatory, and when she came back she stayed behind the counter. I started to tell her she wasn't allowed, but decided I didn't care enough. Maybe I'm getting soft at the ripe old age of twenty-four.

"Hey," I suddenly asked, during a boring part in which the main character was meditating.

"Hm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Watching a movie."

"No… I mean like, going to uni. What's your whole deal?" I cringed; that was a pretty crappy way to ask the question. But, as usual, Knives didn't seem to mind.

"Not really sure. Just want to figure out what I'm doing. My mom wants me to be a doctor, but that is so not happening. Like… I kinda want to found a martial arts school. Super cliché, but I've never really been good at anything else, except fangirling. Which isn't really a 'job' I can get."

"Sure you could. Rent yourself out as a professional fangirl."

Her eyes went round. "You can do that?!" But for once, she seemed to get that I was teasing and smiled. "Aww, silly Kim. But… actually I wonder if there'd be any interest in it… maybe I could start a whole new thing!"

"Weirdo."

"What about you?"

That caught me off guard. "Huh? I'm a drummer."

"Yeah, but you aren't really in a band right now, right? You said you and Neil's sister are just kind of trying stuff."

"It's none of your-" But I cut myself off. This wasn't an interrogation, and Knives wasn't trying to pry. Wasn't trying to. "I just… am trying to figure that out. My life got kicked in the butt by a few events and I need a rebuilding year."

"But it's already been a year since your last band-"

"Knives…"

She fell silent, turning away to finish the movie. She looked guilty, which wasn't really what I wanted; I just wanted her to take the hint that it's not the most fun subject to bring up for me right now. But I didn't know how to tell her that without getting all sappy and feelsy, so I didn't try.

When Comeau came in to relieve me, we split, and she followed along behind like a good puppy. A good stray puppy. One I never wanted, but for some reason, I didn't mind her there. We did start getting along toward the end of Sex Bob-omb's career, I guess.

"You wanna get some food? It's about dinner time. Or you probably have plans, huh?"

Shrugging, I managed to mutter, "Eh." I didn't have any plans. I never had many plans anymore; met up with Stephen once a week, or less. Steph wasn't so much a friend as a colleague… which I guess was where both of them stood with me. Where did everybody go?

"Cool. Wanna get Sneaky Dee's?"

"Ugh… too noisy. Not in the mood."

"Poutine? Sushi?"

I started to make a very vaguely racist joke about sushi being the wrong food for her, but decided it would be more hurtful than funny. Especially to Knives, who only seemed to get the most obvious jokes. "Poutine works. I could use some gravy-laden goodness."

"Cool. Let's do it!"

She skipped off down the path, hair bouncing on the breeze. I didn't notice before that she was still keeping it short, I was so focused on the fact that she stopped dyeing it in the front. Kind of a compromise between who she had been before Scott and who she was after, maybe.

Not that I knew why I was noticing now. I must really have been bored. "Wait up, you dumbass," I grumbled under my breath as I trudged after her.

                                                      ~ o ~

Somehow, grabbing dinner with this almost-a-stranger was fine. She gushed about college life, about some group of friends she found online and really connected with or whatever. I was only half paying attention while I chewed. Between bites she was drinking a ginger ale, and kept setting it down so hard that a few droplets would fly up and land on the table, or even on her face. That annoyed me, but it was also kind of… cute somehow. Maybe I needed therapy.

Once we finished up, we walked to the bus stop that would take her back in the direction of her house. It was awkward. There was no real reason for it to be awkward but it was; she looked down at her boots, rocking back and forth with her hands in the small of her back.

"U-um… do you mind if I drop by more? You seemed kind of unhappy to see me at first. If you really want me to leave you alone forever…"

"Yes. I do."

"Okay. S-sorry, Kim."

Now I felt like I was kicking a puppy. She wasn't really that bad; I just hated being forced to endure the company of anyone besides myself and my inner demons. "Ugh… just don't make a big deal about it, and shut up if we get too busy, alright? God."

Her mopey face turned into a wide smile over the course of the following five seconds. "YAY!" No seriously, she said 'yay'. And meant it. What the fuck was she even? Her arms sprang forward, and before I could tell what was about to happen, she had me caught in a crushing hug.

"Let GO. Dude, seriously! Off!"

"I'll see you tomorrow! Oh man, this is gonna be a great summer!" Without any further ado, she pranced over to the bus stop, walking backward so she could wave at me the entire time. Anybody could have predicted that she would trip over the old man's dachshund, but she picked herself up right away with a light giggle, apologising to both of them before waving again.

Our definitions of "great summer" don't have much overlap.

                                                       To Be Continued…

[tjbartel]

Building Confidence With Women

Originally published on TJBartelAuthor.com

Men often ask me how to approach or flirt successfully with women in public settings like weddings, parties, bars, or clubs. Successfully connecting with women, today more than ever, must be done in a safe yet masculine manner. I recommend a very different approach than the heavy-handed norm. Most women have heard just about every pick up line and corny come-on, so forget about that garbage completely.

Success begins before you even leave home. Take time to prepare yourself physically, mentally, and energetically with these visualizations.

Start by turning up the volume on the energy in your pelvis and your heart simultaneously. Dropping energy into your pelvis and testicles puts you into your masculine. While connecting to your heart allows you remain approachable.

Ground and center yourself by visualizing energetic roots glowing and growing from your core out the base of your spine. Visualize connecting these energetic roots with the roots of all the trees, plants, and flowers on the planet. Center yourself by putting attention on your core and then smile with your entire being.

When you arrive at your location, access your energetic roots and core once more. Imagine yourself as grounded and solid as a massive oak tree. Harness, build, and preserve your energy by making every single movement count and activate the energy of joy by putting an authentic smile on your face. Remember that it takes only 17 muscles in your face to smile and 43 to frown.

Your energy is your most precious and powerful commodity. Be intentional with each and every movement, every step and every word.

Powerful, confident men do not need pick up lines or pick-up artist tactics like negging (a horrible and demeaning type of relating). Rather than walking up to women uninvited with cheesy small-talk or even asking if you can buy them a drink, I propose a less intrusive and more unique approach that allows you to be more interesting while minimizing the risks of being annoying or experiencing rejection.

You are there to provide her a safe and alluring interaction not to take from or trick her into giving you her attention.

When you are calm, collected, centered and fully present you become magnetic. This is more about your energy than your looks or clever banter.

Pay attention to your self-talk. Instead of asking internal questions like, “How can I impress her or get her in bed?” Consider how you can help her enjoy herself.

Make eye contact, smile and say hello to give her the opportunity to engage. If she doesn’t deepen the interaction, don’t let it phase you. If she chooses to engage with you, become curious about her and ask questions that she will enjoy answering. Offer her a genuine compliment, but be mindful not be overly aggressive, needy, or assuming. Allow everything to unfold naturally and refrain from asking for a phone number or where she works until you are confident that the connection is real.

Consider asking about where she grew up and if she has siblings. You might ask about her profession and where she went to school. Avoid topics like religion or politics. Build your conversation based on her answers. Follow the energy she is offering. In order to do that you need to be an active listener. This means you’re not judging her answers or rehearsing what you might say next. It is helpful to absorb and repeat her answers inwardly before moving on. Keep it simple and be yourself. No hurry or stress.

It may look something like this:

“So Becky, what was it like growing up in Santa Barbara with three sisters?”

“Are you the youngest?”

“Did you ever wish that you had a brother?”

“I hear the beaches there are amazing, did your family spend much time at the beach?”

Only talk about yourself if she asks a question. Be direct and truthful and keep your answers short and sweet.

BONUS: If you are comfortable dancing ask her to dance. If you are not comfortable dancing, that should be on your TO DO ASAP list. Men who are comfortable in their bodies are much more attractive than those who aren’t, and dancing is a great way to build body-comfort. There are dance studios everywhere. Take group classes or private lessons if you prefer. You could try a hip hop class, or learn partner dancing like swing or salsa.

But, what’s most important is to always be yourself: the best version of yourself, the most present, joyous, centered, grounded, curious, intentional, masculine, loving, kind and considerate version of yourself.

This may take practice, so be patient with the process and with yourself. Have fun and enjoy the process.

[vcixciiaqnia-blog]

Easy Guidelines To How To See Who Viewed Your Instagram Story Instantly

It is simple to use, in bad feeling of the way that it doesn't have the most welcoming interface, anyway you don't infatuation to contribute much vitality looking on how to see who viewed your instagram it, maybe it's not the prettiest site on earth, who viewed my Instagramyet it completes the obligation it was proposed for extraordinary. Would you have the marginal to look who points of view your Instagram, all you need to pull off to check Who maxim my Instagram profile is enter your username in the best feasible bin upon the site and snap upon the adopt get. It's fundamental, isn't that so? It is sheltered to acknowledge that you are a hotshot? attain you past afterward people observe constantly? If really, if its every the thesame to you skirt this area. Unmistakably similar to most by far, you just dependence to confer to those you essentially know.

Can You See Who Views Your Instagram

So if you have to save your Instagram cassette secure, choose private collection in the options menu. I outstandingly recognize this motion to all watchmen who convey photos of their children to stay in be adjacent to afterward connections and relatives just about the world. Amazingly, this does not shield your cd from everyone. There are gadgets out there that empower stalkers to look your private profile without later than it. In any case, you can use the application we reviewed above in order to look who saying your Instagram profile and square everyone whose username how to see who views your Instagram. I'm not your parent, so I won't uncover to you what and to whom you can share. Nonetheless, there are instruments out there that empower stalkers to see your private profile without in the manner of it. The realism of the thing is that one organization can be a alleyway to new relational contact or email accounts, and before it is essential for casual networks to use the comparable usernames, passwords should be strong and unique. Is it genuine that you are a virtuoso? I will presumably uncover to you that some alarming insane people can watch photos of your child or yours. They can uncover to you where you pretense and in imitation of and where you travel, or what extra goings-on your adolescent is visiting or involved more or less deal with the web application by tapping the catch above. you may declare what the solicitation for that summary infers. Various customers are intrigued roughly the solicitation for disciple and later than records, inclinations, and version sees, as it is ordinarily apparent that the solicitation isn't requested. The determined description for the solicitation for these summaries isn't every part of clear, nevertheless we comprehend that anything comes put up to to the Instagram estimation. who you attract behind the most upon Instagram will likely appear at the most elevated infatuation on the summary, which is the reason you as often as attainable rule your to be cronies or buddies as the primary watchers upon the once-over. Who views my Instagram, who perspectives my Instagram? so you can't look very who visits your Instagram profile, yet is there a habit to deal behind comprehend your stalkers? Heartbreakingly, besides no regardless of the way that there is more look for comprehension on this request. The Instagram Algorithm shows you posts and demands your cronies and inclinations reliant on three factors: your interests, your associations, and reference. By interests we goal what you like and attract with. membership insinuates similarly to who's substance you afterward and attract with, yet moreover who likes and interfaces taking into consideration you. This infers it could tone who is stalking you. If someone is reliably the fundamental next recorded on your photos and you don't routinely link up afterward them on the web, they may be an Instagram stalker. develop of your username and snap the lecture to get and sustain on for results

Get This Description

By and by loosen up, hear to some music, watch some YouTube accounts, create a coffee. Just don't near that site and maintain going on relentlessly. According to the creators, dependent upon the gift weight on Instagram API servers, this methodology can acknowledge wherever from several minutes to 15 or even 30 minutes in the most unprecedented cases. It's not stirring to them. It's introduction and stop happening to Instagram and their servers. The impact of web based systems administration and stalkers on our lives. Who is stalking my Instagram. Web based life have annoyed a modify in structure social bonds and functioning who viewed my instagram taking place relationship once substitute people. complete you subsequent to in imitation of people observe constantly? In conflict genuinely, you should maintain a strategic keep apart from from this entry. Who views my Instagram in any case, you can use the application we assessed above in order to look who motto your Instagram profile and square everyone whose username you don't see. I'm not your parent, thus I won't uncover to you what and to whom you can share, anyway I will presumably atmosphere to you that some dreadful insane people can watch photos of your youth or yours. They can unveil to you where you take steps and gone and where you travel, or what supplementary activities your child is visiting or charmed by. I don't intend to alarm clock you, anyway I have to exhort you that there are various dreadful people on the planet. The use of edit settings could be recommended to the people who genuinely ought to be evident and acquire no opportunity to get out. The most huge business is that it does perform and it works snappy. It ought to exhibit to me who saw my Instagram profile and it did. There is comprehensibly unplanned to feint signs of improvement, the UI is especially something that stands out as underneath typical and should be firm happening to ensure that this application is less hard to use for your everyday customer. Regardless, you ought to question warily. We have assessed distinctive every second applications who are always militant as "the fundamental genuine plan" that empowers customers to look who has visited their Instagram profile. In any case, this isn't the primary business that they share for all goals and defense the mutual factor of these applications would be the circulate in which that a great ration of the grow old they in reality don't fill in as announced. After some time, it worked out that their usage influences for as far afield back as we can recollect. This is particularly felt today by adolescents, for whom online informal communication is without help an essential bit of their lives. Specialists have for quite a even though been contemplating whether (and gave this is valid, how) the usage of online spirit impacts our ablaze wellbeing. Sometimes there are analyzes that portray, notwithstanding substitute things, how the usage of other advances can be linked later than slant issue, paying little mind to whether it damagingly influences membership when friends, or it impacts the individual fulfillment and the level of euphoria. Likely the most supreme risk we perspective by means of online systems administration media stages are stalkers which are a allocation of the time hard to perceive and most stages don't assist us in imitation of this event previously we can't check who is seeing our profile, photos or accounts. This is the reason it's noteworthy for people to entre applications, for instance, the referenced above in order to take who viewed my Instagram. This is the subject of what might be on the horizon, and as such we are besides delineating further research upon this issue. Online dynamism now and another time have every one of the reserves of beast a basic stage for youths and a crucial sort of entre gone the world who perspectives my Instagram. It isn't lonely a publicize wherein one circulates self or comments, yet besides a sort of correspondence, setting stirring relatives in the same way as people whom the who views my instagram youth does not see, anyway who call partners or associates. The force of online simulation and the facility of their effect are as well as negative. We ought not ignore cyber-bullying, stalking and supplementary prickly experiences and unexciting individual to individual correspondence districts that impact people's inclination that anything is great subsequent to the world, veracity and athletic condition.

Review

We have viably explained a lot on passwords most noteworthy business to recall is that you have to bend them from period to mature and never reuse them. Undeniably later than most by far, see who perspectives your Instagram you who viewed my instagram video really habit to assent to those you genuinely know. So, can you see who views your Instagram in fighting you have to save your Instagram record secure, look who points of view your Instagram private cassette in the options menu. I significantly recommend this movement to all watchmen who take control of photos of their kids to stay in adjoin taking into account links and family just about the world. Grievously, this does not shield your scrap book from everyone. There are instruments out there that empower stalkers to look your private profile without past it. The authenticity of the concern is that one dispensation can be a gain access to to additional relational relationships or email accounts, and previously it is extremely vital for casual networks to use the proportional usernames, passwords should be mighty and unique. Is it genuine that you are a superstar?

[ouraidengray4]

16 Dating Strategies to Be Your Best Self (and Avoid Being a Dick)

The most classic, useless dating advice of all time—which you've undoubtedly heard countless times from your mom, magazines, and self-help books—is to just "be yourself." The idea here is that if you're just super authentically you, everything will go right! You'll find a boyfriend, girlfriend, make-out buddy, lifetime partner… whatever it is you're looking for.

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But this advice doesn't effing work. When you go on a first date, it's easy to come across as nervous or brash. If you do nothing more than "be yourself," odds are good that you'll end up seeming aloof, awkward, or a bit of a dick. Instead, why not choose to be the best version of you? We all fudge things a little bit on the first date or out at the bar. (I've definitely tried to put on fake eyelashes pre-date, only to glue them to my cheek instead). Sometimes we try to present a more polished, outgoing version of ourselves, or act less serious and more low-maintenance than usual. Is that manipulative? Kinda. But you know what? That's OK.

So how can we be better than ourselves on a date? What are some strategies that can actually put the odds in our favor? With the help of Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., of the sex and relationship blog Sex with Dr. Jess and Venus Nicolino, PsyD, (a.k.a. Dr. V of WeTV's Marriage Bootcamp), we've rounded up the best realistic, super-useful techniques and strategies that will help you out far more than "be yourself"—no offense to all the well-meaning moms out there.

1. Set your intention before the date.

Rather than considering what you want from the other person, go into the date thinking about what you want for yourself, Dr. V says. "Do you want to get to know someone new? Do you want to have an enjoyable evening out? Is this really just an excuse to try that new sushi place?" she asks. "Setting an intention grounds you, and it gives you something to fall back on if you start feeling anxious in the moment. Just remember to breathe. What really matters here isn't even the intention or the breathing, it's that you remembered to do it. You decided to stay present with yourself."

2. Are you a fan of masturbation? Awesome!

If you're not someone who falls asleep right after an orgasm, Dr. Jess advises you to mastubate before you go out the door. "Self-pleasure and self-esteem are positively correlated, so reach down there and give yourself a hand (or two)," she says. "When your body performs for you, whether through daily tasks, physical fitness, or sexual pleasure, you tend to feel better about its appearance and function."

3. If you're someone who has lots (and lots) of confidence, consider throwing in some self-deprecating humor.

Maybe you're already a confident person—like your close friends might lovingly refer to you as "a little extra." How can you tone it down to an attractive and harmonious balance of being confident without appearing overly arrogant? I've found that offering a bit of self-deprecating humor helps. As my roommate says, "Make fun of yourself before someone else can." A little joke can help break the ice and make you not look like a total douche. But be careful not to try out your amateur stand-up act on a date, Dr. V advises.

"Self-deprecating humor is OK in small—and I mean small—doses. As in one or two jokes," she says. "It's easy to go from seeming easy to connect with to being easy to pity, and pity is not the vibe you want to infuse in a date."

4. If you're on the opposite end of the spectrum and struggle with building confidence, write down compliments you receive (and give yourself five while you're at it).

"Most of us brush off compliments without a second thought, and in doing so, we overlook valuable opportunities to boost confidence and expand our sense of self," Dr. Jess says. "The next time someone pays you a compliment, take a moment to absorb it and scribble it down. By writing down what others say they like about you, you're training yourself to value and remember these positive thoughts. When you write things down, you trigger cells in the brain called the reticular activating system (RAS), which experts say help to filter important information."

Something that I've recommended my friends do before dates (and I've been on a lot—over 300, to be precise) is a tactic I've used before: I look in the mirror and say five things out loud that I like about myself. Focusing on my positive attributes rather than worrying about my insecurities or perceived imperfections makes me feel instantly better.

Confidence is attractive, so find a way that works for you to shelve your insecurities for the evening, because if you tell a person enough times that you're "not pretty enough" or "not smart enough," they're going to perceive you that way. Dr. Jess offers a confidence-boosting tactic that might work better for you: "Recall a time when you felt powerful. Perhaps it was in a boardroom, in the classroom, or on the dance floor. Visualize that moment to boost your confidence before a big date, presentation, or meeting."

5. And if you get genuinely, brain-meltingly anxious about dates, remember to use your rational brain first.

It can be helpful to identify the source of your nervousness and look at it from a more distanced perspective. "If your nervousness is intense and connected to a detrimental cognitive distortion—as in, you're plagued with thoughts like, My date is going to hate me. Every date I go on is a disaster—then it's time to use rational thought to assess this 'hot thought,'" says Dr. Jess. "Think about dates that weren't disasters. Make a mental inventory of the positive experiences and interactions you've had on previous dates so that you can formulate a more realistic thought. This can lead to thoughts like, It could go well, so I'm going to keep an open mind and just enjoy the experience."

6. Present the best version of yourself physically (as well as emotionally).

Yes, you should pick out a goddamn clean shirt instead of something you found crumpled on the floor—even if the crumpled version is more "authentically you." In person, there's no Facetune to makes you look 10x hotter than you actually are, so yeah, it's worthwhile to tidy it up and pick out something nice to wear.

"You don't want to mislead a date, but you certainly do want to showcase the best version of yourself," Dr. Jess says. While you shouldn't go and buy a whole new outfit based on what you think your date might like (that's getting creepy), it's OK to consider their style. If you know their Instagram, it's not a bad idea to check it out ahead of time—this is just a form of knowing your audience. You can see what your date is into, what they like, and what style they might go for. You shouldn't completely change yourself to be attractive for the other person, but if you notice that they tend to always wear black jeans and you happen to own a pair, there's nothing wrong with opting for a pair of your black jeans instead of blue.

7. Keep it positive—and yes, keep it light.

Dating is meant to be a fun way to get to know another person. You may have some skeletons in the closet or a personality disorder, but your first encounter isn't the appropriate time to talk about your dope-addicted brother or your buckets full of daddy issues. Too much information can be perceived as high maintenance and off-putting—if you're going to work out, there will be time to create trust and open up on a deeper level without fear of being judged or brushed off, but your first happy hour convo ain't the time or place to get deep. People can be very snooty about small talk—"Oh, it's so fake, I prefer genuine interaction." Sure. But if you master small talk, you can subtly assess if you're interested in someone—without spilling your guts everywhere.

8. Ask a bunch of questions.

If you meet someone you really like who's outdoorsy, sure, you could pretend that you're really into spending time in the wilderness—even if the closest you've ever gotten to nature is drinking cocktails on the beach. And the truth is, this isn't always the worst tactic: If you're open to trying what they're into, you may open yourself up to experiences you'll enjoy. This could be the start of you discovering that hey, you actually like kayaking, or whatever.

But there's an easier path: Just ask your date tons of questions about their interests. People love to talk about themselves, and this way, you don't have to pretend you know about something you don't, which can be stressful, frankly.

"If someone you're super into is into something you don't give a f*ck about, you can still ask them about it," Dr. V says. "Why do they like it? What do they get from it? How does it make them feel? Instead of trying to bullsh*t your way through talking about something you know nothing about, you've just created an opportunity to really get to know this person better and connect with them. Which is never wrong. And who knows, maybe you never knew just how fascinating 18th century Welsh cheesemaking really is."

9. Focus on what you like.

Look, maybe she chews with her mouth open or he's an incessant foot-tapper who openly admits to listening to Nickelback on repeat. If you're getting instant there's-no-chemistry-here vibes (or worse, red flags), then don't go on a second date—or cut your first one short. But if the person just has an annoying habit or three, try to keep an open mind: There could be a really awesome person in there, one whose good qualities might overshadow any annoying behaviors. So ignore the urge to be judgy or bitchy—even if you've had three mimosas already at brunch.

10. Do your dating homework.

One-liners are so retro, and only in the bad way. If you've ever been on the receiving end of a pick-up line, you know that you just end up feeling creeped out. Avoid the creepiness factor by asking fun questions instead. Personally, I like to use ice breakers or games to get to know a date. My favorite tried-and-true question is, "Which type of tree would you be and why?" Big takeaway: People usually pick a tree and list desirable qualities and characteristics that they believe they possess and are proud of. Small takeaway: You know what kind of tree you should gift them on their next birthday (and planting a tree is just a nice thing to do).

You can navigate awkward silences by mentioning your favorite "dad joke" and asking theirs, or even asking them what their favorite snack is to eat whilst binge watching Dawson's Creek on Netflix (Coconut Oreo thins, hands down). If you're anxious about a date, it's a good idea to come up with a bunch of good questions ahead of time to give yourself opportunities for discussion if your conversation dies down naturally.

11. Ditch the "wait three days to text" game and let yourself be vulnerable.

"Do you like it when people play games with you? Look, if you want to put less pressure on yourself and your date, forget all the stupid f*cking games," Dr. V says. "One of the Big Lies of dating is that 'The One Who Cares Less Is The One Who Wins,' when in reality, the less you care about a relationship, the less you get from it. Think about it: Has pretending to care less than you really do ever gotten you more? Would you pull that sh*t at work or school? Of course not. So don't be afraid to text first."

Dr. V explains that if you try to act differently than the way you really feel, you're either going to come off as crazy, as a jerk, or as a crazy jerk. "The appropriate amount of interest to show is no more and no less than the amount of interest you feel. The least cool thing you can do is to try and 'play it cool.' It's OK for the person you've just gone on a date with to know you like them—being upfront about that is its own kind of sexy confidence. Besides, the sooner they know you like them, the sooner you'll have an answer to that eternal question of dating, 'Should I stay or should I go?' So don't wait to text back. Real vulnerability takes courage, and courage is pretty damn sexy."

12. Be persistent (but don't cross into being pushy).

If you just had an amazing time with someone and don't want it to end, tell the person how much you enjoyed the date and offer up a nightcap or second date. If the other person politely declines, leave it there for the night—if you try too aggressively to get someone home with you or to go out with you again, it's a massive turn-off, and you'll blow any future potential. Instead, just thank them for the evening. Seeing your graceful reaction might even turn things around after the other person has a few days to think.

Kari Langslet is an avid dater, impulsive adventurer, unofficial therapist to friends and family, and animal lover. You'll usually find her at a dive bar playing Jenga with her dog or headbanging into oblivionat a Brooklyn show. Stalk her on Instagram and Twitter @karilangslet.

from Greatist RSS http://ift.tt/2srfl49 16 Dating Strategies to Be Your Best Self (and Avoid Being a Dick) Greatist RSS from HEALTH BUZZ http://ift.tt/2CiBHEz

[nomadmanager]

ACT 5: Loneliness & Liberation– A 2017 Review and 2018 Preview

Illustration: Liberation by Laura Berger

Let me pick up where I left off after Acts 1-4, where I left saying that I was on a fierce mission to move on.

From July to August, I spent a month traveling solo through Negros and Cebu, trying to re-figure out my next moves, after one option had been so definitively closed for me. I sought solace in the sea and company.

I was at a crossroads of whether give up or keep going. And with each choice, I had another set of choices to choose from.

Choice – it’s a paralyzing thing in life. Choosing between options can oftentimes make us feel stuck, not wanting to make a choice one way or another because of the fear that we would be choosing the wrong one. And so oftentimes, we postpone making the decision. 

What happens then is a long drawn out limbo of being neither here nor there, and ultimately, not getting any shit done, or doing a half-assed thing at best. But the only way to move forward is to make a choice, and let go of the choice not taken. 

Life is one never-ending Choose Your Own Adventure book. And sometimes, it can be pretty tiring. Can’t I just get a nice fiction book with amazing cover art, a strong heroine and happy ending? Plot twist not necessary.

Yeah, yeah, but where’s the fun in that right?

So anyway, at the beginning of my trip, I was feeling good, mildly hopeful, and generally just happy to be “away”. Though at a certain point of my trip, at a moment when I was most alone and isolated, the loneliness began to creep back in.

For a long time, even after I had gotten back, this feeling of loneliness wouldn’t leave me.

I would busy myself with work – creating MUNI Meetups on Zero Waste, doing consultancy for a social enterprise, and going on corporate speaking engagements on conscious consumption / zero waste living – as it was the only thing that reasonably gave me meaning.

I would spend time with friends – and in the past two months, probably going out and consuming more alcohol than I have in the past few years. (This is more indicative of how little I would go on a “night out” before, rather than it is an indication of how many cocktails I’ve had in November and December LOL.)

I would chat with people who would give me their time. And I would go out on a few un-horrible, although ultimately lackluster dates.

And then there were always those brief moments in the day, in between all the pseudo-busy-ness, that the cracks in the armor of strength & self-love that I was trying to forge would show.

I wish I could say that something miraculous had happened in the past six months that has both erased all the residual heartbreak and given me a eureka moment, so vivid and unquestionable, about what to do with my life and work. But no, there has not been a single moment.

However, life (and change) is a series of moments. Deliberate moments, deliberate choices that we make moment to moment. To choose myself, to choose to trust - in my own strength and abilities, in my being worthy of success and happiness, in the commitment of others to help me and love me. I knowingly gave into indulgences, but especially in this last week, I’ve also knowingly made more choices to make myself stronger for my upcoming Jesus year (turning 33 in 2018).

In my prior year-end review/previews, I would outline how I fared with the goals I had set the year before, and outline the goals I wish to make for the year moving forward.

Given though that I hadn’t clearly written my 2017 goals in a blog post like I had done so in the past, what I can do is look back, and see what I’m happy about / grateful for in the past year that proves it’s not nearly as shitty as my melodramatic self might sometimes think.

My mom’s health

Putting together some kickass MUNI Meetups on Zero Waste Living, and giving talks in corporate settings, making genuine, authentic business connections, and actually making money from them

My solo travel through the Visayas – Meeting up with my friend Mishi, Chin, the Gastons, going to Danjugan and meeting Dave, slooooooow traveling from Negros to Cebu, going to Hale Manna, meeting up with Angie – and being so inspired by the whole trip that I decided to go out on a limb and create MUNI Travels

Working out of paradise – El Nido for 6 weeks (though it felt more like hell than paradise while I was there HAHA, I am still ultimately grateful for the experience and opportunity and new friends) :)

Making an awesome new friend in Denise Subido, and our few but awesome hangs with THE Ken Alonso

Learning more about beverages (thanks Bayani Brew), cocktails and alcohol (thanks Ken), and hitting up some cool spotsss (thanks Den)

Then learning to cut back after realizing I was spending way too much time and money on that (but still happy about having better knowledge and awareness about mah dranks)

Having the resolve to give a scholarship application another shot (law of attraction, come on, mag-two years na)

Crystals (lol)

Given a review of previous year-end entries, I found it somewhat discouraging that I would put some goals out there (with the intention of holding myself more accountable by announcing it) and then not really be able to see them through. But I guess what I fail to see when I think that, is that I still managed to accomplish some of my goals, and that in failing to reach the other ones, I still made headway in the process.

Sometimes, things happen that throw us off course for a little bit, but I’m learning to stop with the self-deprecation, forgive myself, cut myself some slack, and move forward.

So, for 2018, here’s are my broader goals for public consumption so far:

Make more moneyyy – by doing more MUNI Meetups and corporate engagements – still in the works, and plans with them are still malleable so I don’t want to set specific goals (though I have a monthly figure in my head), but I’ve spent enough years running away from the serious adulting of making more money while pursuing something meaningful. It is meaningful when it is sustainable, and it is sustainable if it makes money to support itself.

Be a bad ass swimmer (NOT Olympic levels okay?? Just on a personal level bad ass) – I’ve already signed up for swim classes with Swim Academy this January, with the intention of having formal instruction and better form after over 4 years of just teaching myself how to swim. And also as a way to gear myself up to join the VIP Lobo 2.5km Open Water Swim with Swim Junkie (after being so inspired when I helped out with their swim in El Nido) – I haven’t had enough courage to sign up for the swim yet, though I tell myself it’s because I haven’t figured out accommodations and don’t want to spend too much when I stay over.

Take up masters in environmental / social psychology – One of my previous coach-confidantes told me I was overly concerned with the academic credential and I didn’t need it. But 1.5 years later, I’m still thinking about it, and I don’t want to give up without a fight? If plan A falls through, I have a plan B. Bottomline is, I want to better understand and share knowledge and research about how we can best brainwash people for their well-being and the good of the planet.

Empower others to be carry forth the MUNI mission – Been saying this for a while now, but I’ve not been able to put the structures into place, perhaps due to laziness / lack of prioritization, but perhaps also largely because I didn’t want to relinquish control as well. In light of the intention to study and do other things with MUNI, the only way for me to sustain and grow it is by really involving others. So far, I’ve still had a lack of people stepping up to the plate, but perhaps I’ve also not done a very good job of making the plate more apparent and appealing thus far. I’m hoping to put the structures in place and take a leap and grow the regular working team from just me, to me and 2 other people.

Come out of my shell / step into the light more – Maybe it’s finally the year for a vlog? LOL. I’ve already started the transition of “getting out of my shell” by getting another domain for more professional purposes, instead of always hiding behind the pseudonym Nomad Manager (though everyone knows it’s really me anyway) since 2009. I’ve also changed my name in my major social media accounts, changing them from nomadmanager to jenhorn_ or whatever other iteration of my real name was still available on the platform. Though it’s annoying that I won’t have a straight up jenhorn across all platforms, I’ve found it pleasantly liberating to embrace myself more fully in this way. Besides, what does Nomad Manager mean to me now anyway? Even though I like my freedom, a “nomad” (to me, now vs. how I meant it before) indicates homelessness / lostness, and I want more foundation and certainty in my life now. And I want to feel “home” wherever I am, in that I know what the hell I’m doing vs. aimlessly meandering about. And “manager”, honestly, I don’t want to manage people. I want to maybe encourage, facilitate learning, coach, share insights, inspire, brainwash, but I don’t want to manage people. 

“There is love in holding, and there is love in letting go.” – Elizabeth Berg

So, I guess that also means this may be my last real blog post here as I move on with a new chapter. (Though I’m still thinking about what I’ll do with my Letters to Self tradition here, and what content I’m comfortable sharing in my new domain.)

And again, life, you think you’re funny sometimes and like to throw curveballs from nowhere and mess up my plans. But I’ll make do. I’ll play what you’ll deal. So, up yours if you think you’ll completely throw me off. I may have to adjust, change and pivot, but I’ll keep on keeping on.

To brighter days ahead, Jen