#antosha

[looking-over-my-shoulder]

Happy Birthday Anton! ❤️🤍❤️

[tygerland]

From the book, In Case of Fire, by Anton Yelchin (Cash Machine, 2019)

[texaschainsawmascara]

Heath Ledger 1979-2008 I Am Heath Ledger (2017)

Anton Yelchin 1989-2016 Love, Antosha (2019)

[tvscreencaps23]

[iamtenzinkalden]

What if I become the favorite of someone? The favorite filmmaker? Writer? Composer?

There's no film evidence that I exist. That is sad.

פז

[youcouldmakealife]

KS Fill: Tonya/Vladimir Petrov, Thomas/Anton; castle in the clouds

Another of the Kickstarter fills, for the prompt: always happy for a Vinny/Tony update, especially if Tonya is involved

Even as a child, at her most idealistic, Tonya certainly never expected to live in a mansion like this. A castle, maybe. She liked castles, though she’s not sure where she expected to find one in Brooklyn. Though, it’s not like mansions were any more realistic, growing up in New York City.

And they wouldn’t live in one if they lived in New York, but in Hartford, it was barely even a splurge. And Vladimir had dreamed of castles too as a boy, wanted Antosha to live in one, or the nearest thing they could get for him. It’s massive, and impractical, and Tonya loves it.

They don’t take advantage of the benefits of it very often, however. Once, they let a production crew film the exterior while they were on vacation in Italy anyway — unfortunately, the film was terrible, so Tonya can’t rewatch it for the thrill of seeing it on screen. Or, she could, but she has to get through the melodrama and the bad acting first, and that’s a chore.

It’s the perfect place to host a party, specifically a party with gravitas — a gala, a ball. But with the exception of Vladimir’s induction in the Hall of Fame, they haven’t had any parties worth talking about, because Vladimir is…territorial, Tonya thinks the best word is. His house is his house — she’s still amazed he allowed the film crew, and is sure he wouldn’t have if he hadn’t been out of the country — and he’d prefer they didn’t have guests at all, with the exception of close friends, family. Even then, it’s only Anton who doesn’t get his hackles up after a few hours, and that might just be because he still considers it Antosha’s house too, even after all these years. Which, of course, it is.

But they’ve been married for thirty years now, and Tonya thinks that’s worth celebrating, and Vladimir agrees. He didn’t agree it merited a party on the scale of the one they’re throwing today, but he caved once Tonya assured him all he had to do was show up, and that the only guests staying overnight would be blood-related to them.

Well, and Thomas, but Vladimir’s fine with that. It seems like the exception for Anton applies to him as well. She doesn’t know if that’s because Vladimir considers him an extension of Anton, welcome wherever he is, or if he’s become family in his own right. She likes to think it’s a bit of both.

With an hour to go the place reminds her the castles she dreamt of, lit up and glittering, even if they're nothing alike. The catering staff have assured her they have everything they need, and after two minor wardrobe emergencies she’s finally finished getting ready. Or, she hasn’t, but the final touches must be done right before the guests arrive.

Vladimir’s ready, he’s assured her repeatedly, which she’s sure isn’t true, but he’s his own man. She hasn’t seen Anton since breakfast, which she finds ominous, though she doesn’t think he’d go far without Thomas, and he arrives in front of her almost as soon as she thinks of him. Such a good boy that she merely needs to think of him for him to arrive, offering help.

“Can I help with anything?” he asks, hands twisting fretfully, like it’s hurting him not to assist, and Tonya takes a moment to wonder if she's developed psychic abilities. Perhaps, but it's more likely that Thomas is just unfailingly helpful.

Tonya takes his hands between hers, stills them. They’re cold, and she wants to chafe them, warm him up. What was that saying, cold hands, warm heart? If anyone fits that it’s Thomas. “I’ve hired professionals to do everything,” she says. “We’ll just get in their way.”

She knows this because she has, at every other event with catering staff, gotten in the way. She’s finally learned her lesson — no meddling this time. So far she's stayed strong, but she's not sure she'll last the night.

“Right,” Thomas says, nodding, hands still between hers. “That makes sense. Our equipment managers say the same thing.”

She bets they do. Vladimir in particular was a menace about his equipment — she’s sure they popped a bottle of champagne the day he retired.

“I know what you can do for me,” she says, and Thomas brightens right up. He really is too good a boy for his own good. She imagines people take advantage of it all the time. Look at her, doing it right now.

“Can you find Anton for me?” she says. “I worry he’s hiding.”

She doesn’t worry he’s hiding, exactly — she knows he’s hiding — she only worries he’ll continue hiding after all the guests have arrived, leaving poor Thomas to muddle his way through a room of people he doesn’t know. Not that Antosha knows everyone, and many of the people he does know haven’t seen him since he was a little boy, so it’s really more them knowing him — she’s sure he’ll be delighted to hear ‘you were just this high when last I saw you’ over and over again.

Perhaps she shouldn’t be surprised he’s hiding. And she isn’t. But Thomas is a guest, though a particularly helpful, considerate one, and Anton may not be hosting the party, but he is hosting Thomas. And Tonya did not raise a bad host. Or, unfortunately she did, she thinks, but he certainly didn’t learn it from her. Thankfully Thomas is very easily pleased, and loyal enough that he’d likely tell her Anton was being an excellent host if she asked.

Thomas nods again, like a little bobblehead. She’s slightly disappointed the Canadiens haven’t done one for him, at least to her knowledge — she thinks Vladimir would be delighted to put it by the ones of him and Antosha in his show-off room. He loves them. Never tires of bobbing their heads. “Can I have my—“

“Your hands, of course,” Tonya says, letting them go. “Do you know the saying? About cold hands?”

“I do,” Thomas says, with a broad smile. She bets he does. Bets people quote it all the time. “Don’t worry, I’ll drag Anton out of wherever he’s hiding.”

“By the hair if you need to,” Tonya says, and smiles at the laugh that trails Thomas up the stairwell.

He doesn’t deserve that boy, Tonya thinks, then goes to bother Vladimir one last time. She hopes that, this time, he’ll actually get ready instead of just saying he already is. Perhaps that’s optimistic. But she thinks everyone needs a little optimism to make it to three decades.

“Tony,” she hears Thomas crooning as she walks down the hall, sounding a little like he’s trying to lure a feral cat, and she smiles wider. Perhaps he’s exactly what Antosha deserves after all.

[hekpacubo]

Anton (Antosha)✝️🧊🩹

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Aeipethy For Jake/Antoni pretty please 🥺

Aeipethy: an enduring and consuming passion

-

"If I could... If ever I could." Antoni's voice is slight, as always, the softness hiding the nervous waver beneath. Jake blinks open eyes heavy with near-sleep and turns his head to look over, in the dark. Kauri, between them, breathes slowly, deeply asleep.

"Could what?" Jake keeps his own voice a whisper, too. His shoulder has been hurting more, and he took an extra pill after dinner. It leaves him gently floating above the nerve pain that might lessen or might not, no one knows. It makes him wonder if he's dreaming this conversation. Dreaming Antoni in their bed when usually he stays in his own.

"... Sleep with you. If I could do this, to have-... To have sex. If I could-... If I did not-... If I had not had the want taken from me. If I still had it, and felt the want for you. If I could feel it for you. Would you?"

Jake has to blink again. He must be dreaming. So he's honest, giving a soft nearly-silent huff of laughter. "Ant... Antosha. Yes. Every day, if Kauri didn't wear me out first. The two of you could take years off my life and I'd die happy."

Antoni answers Jake's laughter with his own, relief making him seem to melt beneath his blanket, just a mop of dark hair and glimmering dark eyes. "I am sorry, Jasha, that I can't... want to."

"That's fine, Ant. I don't love you because of that, or Kauri either. I mean with Kauri that's definitely in the list, but-"

"I heard that," Kauri mumbles, half-muffled by his mouth against the pillow. "Talkin' 'bout my ass and I'm not even awake to join in."

"We weren't. I swear. Your ass was absolutely only distantly relevant to the conversation."

"M'ass is relevant to all conversations," Kauri mutters, and seems to fall immediately asleep again before he's even finished speaking.

There's a beat of silence.

"Ya lyublyu tebya, Jasha," Antoni murmurs.

Jake closes his eyes. If this is a dream, it's one of the better ones he's ever had.

"Love you, too, Antosha."

[looking-over-my-shoulder]

Happy Birthday Anton! ❤️🤍❤️

[prpfs]

Hey there! I’m looking to do a 🕊️ rp! Some of the themes in this rp involve violence, sadism, drug use, prostitution, organized crime, and possible sexual assault or rape. It will be MxM and fandomless! I’ve been really wanting to do a bit of a new take on the smaller twink x muscular guy dynamic, with the smaller character being the dominant one. I would play the twink in this rp, and we can push that dynamic pretty much as far as you want! I’m open to a lot of discussion about this prompt! Here’s the basic plot that I had in mind, but I’m open to changing it!

Antosha Volkov was the pampered, trouble making son of a Russian mafia leader. With several older siblings in line to take over the family business before him, he was always left to his own devices. He became involved in the family business anyways, running the casino that they used to launder money and being in charge of chasing down people who have unpaid debts and ‘convincing’ them to pay it off. Eventually, he slipped up and managed to get caught, leading to him being thrown into a high security prison. Antosha was well known for being a very beautiful man, and one might expect that would get him into trouble in a place full of men much larger than him, but he quickly carved out his place at the top of the hierarchy. Antosha had been in jail for several months when Your Character arrives and is assigned as his cell mate. Your Character can just be a thug that was caught, or they could be something like an undercover cop that was sent to get close to Antosha to try and get him to spill secrets. Either way, Antosha soon grew rather enamored with them and decided it was about time to sink his teeth into a new plaything.

I think this plot could be very fun and has lots of potential for some dark themes and angst! Antosha is not a good person at all. If your character is an undercover cop it could be fun to have a bit of a corruption arc with them as Antosha and him get closer and he has to do things for the sake of keeping up his cover. Those are just some ideas I had, but I’m happy to hear yours too! If you liked this idea then leave a like and I’ll get back to you! 🔪

like if you're interested and op will reach out

[devoraqs]

Yekatarina Ilyinichna and Antonín Ilyich Senadz Devorak

Or

Katya and Antosha, twin troublemakers extraordinaire

@vissentasenadz

[newsies-squared]

Newsies name comparison's

So obviously everyone has different headcanons for the newsie characters names and even gender identitys,here's the difference between me and stillts headcanons.

Stilts:

Jack Kelly (He/Him)

David jacobs(he/him)

Race: Luca Higgins (He/Him)

Crutchie: Evangeline Morris (She/They)

Spot: Sam Conlon (He/Him)

Specs: Benji Samuels (They/Them)

Romeo: Rowan De Jesus (He/Him)

Buttons: Brielle Davenport (She/Her)

Sniper: Noelle Wah (She/Her)

Smalls: Tessa Davidson (She/Her)

Roxy Jacobs (Trans Fem Les) (She/Her)

Katherine Plumber-Pulitzer (She/Her)

Sarah Jacobs (She/Her)

JoJo: Josephia Jorgelina de la Guera (She/Her)

Micah Guzman (Genderfluid, so depends)

Ike: Issac Guzman (He/They)

Myron Hernandez (He/Him)

Elmer Kasprazak-Zas (They/Them)

Abby Dasilva (Trans Fem Albert) (She/They)

Henry Rios (He/Him)

Finch: Robin Cortes (She/Her)

Tommy Boy: Theresa Domeski (She/Her)

Kenny: Kenneth Ellenbury (He/Him)

Hotshot: Peter Ferrari (He/Him)

Blink: Louis Batteli (He/Him)

Mush: Charles Skyes (He/Him)

Skittery: Richy Brooks (He/Him)

Boots: Grover Gibson (He/Him)

Bumlets: Eddie Livingston (He/Him)

Snipeshooter: Percy Harris (He/Him)

Dutchy: Levi Burns (He/Him)

Itey: Felix Mitchell (He/Him)

Odette Delancey (Trans Fem Oscar) (She/They)

Morris Delancey (He/Him)

Barney Peanuts: Ginny Scott (She/Her)

Snitch: Harley Brooks (He/Him)

Tumbler: Owen Glenn (He/Him)

Pie Eater: Max Livingston (He/Him)

York: Jasper Rowe (He/Him)

Joey Higgins (She/They)

Rafaela Storrs (She/Her)

Hildy Keller (She/Her)

Stray: Becca Bailey (She/Her)

Lucky: Dani Wildman (She/Her)

Splasher: Will Stelle (He/Him)

Splint: Lily Evans (She/Her)

Scope: Cherry Saroki (She/Her)

Ritz: Alyssa Moss (She/Her)

Pips: Kitty Cony (She/Kit)

Knobs: Dallas Bead (He/Him)

Mack: Jeanie MacDonald (She/Her)

And Here's mine

(Just to clear up there's 2 Mike's and 2 snipers due to a personal headcanon and technically there like 3 smalls and also 2 Splashers but I'm only adding leader of the bronx smalls and the older Splasher,I'll explain why I did this in a later post)

Jack kelly|he/him

David jacobs|he/him

Race:Diego Higgins|he/him

Crutchie: casey morris|he/him

Spot: Riley Conlon|any pronouns

Specs:linus willamsburg|he/they

Romeo:cosmo howard|he/him

Buttons: Benji davenport|he/him

Sniper(queens):Nikola Alekseev|he/him

Sniper(Brooklyn): Elaine wah|she/her

Smalls(bronx): Enya Gallagher|she/he

Les:Leshem jacobs|he/him

(This is inspired by someone else here on tumbler I can't remember them for the life of me)

Kathrine pulitzer|she/her

Sarah: Sarahya jacobs|she/her

Jojo:Josephino Jorgelino de la guerra|they/he

Mike(Manhattan): mike sawyer|he/him

Mike: Miguel Cardoso

Ike: Isaque cardoso

(I believe the idea for Mike and ike's first names are from sparkedblaze on here but I'm not 100% sure)

Myron windsor|he/him

Elmer Ostrowski|he/him

Albert DaSilva|he/him

Henry day|he/him

Finch: patrick cortes|he/him

Tommy boy: carter Simeon|he/him

Kenny: Kenneth Phillips|he/him

Hotshot: Issac jones|he/him

Kid blink: Kesten Bennett|he/they

Mush: Gabriel Myers|he/him

Skittery: dakota riggs |he/him

Boots: Avery clive|he/him

Bumlets: noah lopez|he/him

Snipeshooter: Bernard Melvin|he/him

Dutchy: Ruben brouweer|he/him

Itey: Nicos franco|he/him

(OK the delanceys are next and so I headcanon them using "fake" names so I'm gonna include there legal names and there "fake" names)

(He/him)Oscar-

Legal name: Oskar Antosha Ehrlich

"Fake":Oscar Guillaume delancey

(He/him)morris-

Legal name:Maurice Pascal Ehrlich

"Fake":morris beau delancey

Barney peanuts: Emerson Truman|they/them

Snitch: Allen Sommers|he/him

Tumbler: Sanjay robbins|he/him

Pie eater: vernon Kingsley|he/him

York: Virgil smith|he/him

Joey: joesph Hudson|he/him

rafaela Haddad|she/her

Hildy: Hilda Swanson|she/her

Stray:Cheyenne willamsburg|she/her

Lucky: Della Patterson|she/her

Splasher(Brooklyn): William Steele|he/him

Splint: Cassidy Harrison|she/her

Scope: Juliet Tudor |she/her

Ritz: Lydia Harrison|she/her

Pips: sawyer Andrew|she/her

Knobs: Johannes Theodore Andersson|he/him

Mack: jeanie Macdonald|they/she

(Oh my God that took so long I'm going to explode, I know some of my names are really weird but my irl name is odd aswell,I don't know I'm tired)

[ask-the-usa-manor]

How many pets do y'all have?

“Let me think... Maryland has her crab, Keith, who also multitasks as her sworn enemy. Alaska has his team of eight sled dogs; Tugidax, Aĝadgix, Chidĝix, Acha-yuongch, Ach-goyan, Antosha, Ekaterina, and Lenya. Texas, Oklahoma, Wyoming, and Kentucky have their horses. Wisconsin has her mice. We have DC, who acts like an animal around election time. Dad has Teddy and that kitten. Vanessa, the cow, is Navy’s but she’s basically a family member. Montana has a bear named Cody, which is slightly concerning. Arkansas has his army of animals… Then there’s a lot of other cats and dogs...” Puerto Rico listed, “I’m gonna play it safe and say we have somewhere above ten.”

[charliehunnamtribute]

❤️‍🔥 Charlie at Love Antosha premiere 2019 ❤️‍🔥

#CharlieHunnam #LoveAntosha #premiere #CharlieHunnamTribute

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Who You Are Looking For

Follows directly after Kauri and Antoni’s fight

-

He knows it’s Jake at the door just from the sound of his knock. 

“Come in,” Antoni murmurs, sitting on his bed with his back to the wall, a book open in his lap. Light comes from the little lamp on his side table, his curtains drawn shut against any hint of the outside world. 

The door swings silently open, and he looks up to see Jake standing alone in the doorway. His eyes flicker behind the big man, but there’s no hovering Kauri, no telltale giveaway sniffles or whispering. Only Jake, who steps inside and closes the door behind him, the two of them entirely alone.

“Kauri?” Antoni can’t stop himself from asking, even though he still feels the buzz of unease and anger, died down but not quite gone.

Jake sighs. “He’s gone out.”

Antoni’s eyes drift closed, and he tells himself he doesn’t feel guilty. He shouldn’t feel guilty, because he didn’t do anything wrong. But like always, the knowledge that Kauri has run himself out into the night because of someone else’s words hurts more knowing those words were his. “I’m sorry-... I did not mean for him to feel so badly that he would do it again-”

“No. Don’t be. It’s not like that. I’m sorry, Ant, I didn’t say it right. He’s gone out with Chris. He’ll be okay. Chris is going to talk to him a little about the whole thing, Chris is, uh, better about that than I am, he knows how it some of it feels that I don’t. He’s not… it’s not going out out. Not like he used to. This is just to dinner. And even if he did go drinking or whatever, you shouldn’t be sorry for that, either. He’s a grown-ass man, he can make his own choices, even the shitty ones.”

“I did not mean to hurt him,” Antoni whispers. “I was only-... I did not mean-”

“I know, man.” Jake exhales and moves over, sitting at the other end of Antoni’s bed, giving him plenty of space. He shifts back until his own back is against the wall, too, and looks over at Antoni with a slight smile. “He didn’t mean to hurt you, either. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Besides, Ant, I’m really not here to talk about Kauri.”

Antoni nods, slowly, keeping his eyes down. His bandaged hand itches madly under the gauze and adhesive, the fresh burn beginning its healing by trying to drive him out of his mind reminding him it’s there. It’s a larger burn, too, than all the small spaces where the cigarettes were driven into skin. “You want to know-”

“Hey, how’d you get hurt?” At Antoni’s obvious surprised reaction, Jake gestures towards his hand. “You’re bandaged up. What happened to you?”

“Oh, I… burned myself on the oven, before Kauri came in. It’s not so bad-”

“Did you put anything on it?”

“Of course I did, I have been burned many times, I know what I’m doing.” His voice is a little rougher than he means it to be, and he winces, closing his eyes. “I am sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, Antosha.” 

Jake reaches out, and Antoni allows his hand to be taken in Jake’s warm, rough palm, looked over like it’s made of gold, not just burnt and scarred skin. 

“You’re right,” he continues. “You know what to do, it was silly to ask. Just… the first thing that came to mind trying to sound helpful, I guess. Is it really bad?”

“No… not so bad. I put on the burn cream, the neosporin...” Antoni’s skin prickles under Jake’s touch, but not with the usual rush of distaste and dislike. He knows Jake’s touch will stay gentle, brief, what needs to be done and not anything more. And right now…

Right now, he could use a little bit of touch that isn’t a heavy hand in his hair blowing smoke in his face. 

Jake smiles, faintly, at the sight of the ring on Antoni’s finger, matching his and Kauri’s. He rubs his thumb over it, back and forth. “Actually… I guess I came in here to say I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

Antoni looks up, and meets Jake’s eyes. It’s funny, how he and Kauri can both have blue eyes but they’re such wildly different colors of blue anyway. Antoni’s own are a warm brown, lighter than his hair, but not by much. The look on Jake’s face feels like it might steal all of Antoni’s remaining breath, replace it with something lighter than air.

“I’m sorry that information you were keeping to yourself was given away without your permission,” Jake says, voice low, almost a whisper. “It wasn’t ours to know unless you wanted us to know it, Ant. I’m so sorry that it was told. And I’m so sorry Kauri picked the absolute worst way to ask you about it. Just like... gold medal bad plan for asking, right after you got burned...”

“It’s… it’s my fault, honestly.” Antoni swallows, and manages a slight smile, more one-sided and sad than genuine. “I mentioned it to Jameson some time ago, because I thought it might help him to feel more understood, and I did not think at the time that he would want to share that with anyone else-”

“Okay, but that doesn’t give him permission to share it around, either, without making sure you were fine with that. And it doesn’t make it okay for Kauri to eavesdrop at other people’s doors.”

“Kauri assured me twice that he was not eavesdropping at all,” Antoni says dryly, and warms at the sound of Jake’s rich laughter in response. “I did not ask. He assured me anyway.”

“Which means he absolutely was eavesdropping, and he felt guilty about it exactly like he probably should.” Jake shrugs, and lets Antoni’s hand go so he can shift back into a more comfortable position again. “I’ll talk to him some more when he gets back, but I thought you two could use a little time to breathe, a little space for a bit. Kauri always does better if he can sort of script out what he wants to say, and thinks you’ll say, before it happens. He won’t panic if he has his script.”

Antoni hums. Wordlessly, he shifts around until he’s facing the same direction as Jake, pulling his legs up and off to one side, bent so his heels touch his leg. He leans against Jake, resting his head on that broad shoulder, on the soft t-shirt Jake wears. Jake stays right where he is, and doesn’t pull at Antoni, or try to touch him any more than this.

The silence between them is a comfortable one.

After a while, Antoni says softly, “Kasha will imagine me saying all the worst things I could say. Things I would never say. He will write his script and it will not be at all how I will really be to him. He knows that, and he will write the script like that anyway.”

“Yeah. But when you don’t say any of those things, it’ll be a pleasant surprise, right?”

They both laugh again, more air than sound, and Jake tips his head to the side until his cheek rests against Antoni’s hair.

“You know him well,” Antoni points out.

“I should, by now. I know you pretty well, too.”

“Hm. And what do you know about me?” It’s not quite teasing, not quite flirting, but somewhere near those things.

“I know that you need time and space after you’re frightened, or angry, or hurt, and that you felt backed into a corner when Kauri kept pushing. I know that there’s absolutely no way you say what he thinks you said, because I know you, and he does, too. I know that once he calms down he’ll realize that it wasn’t what he thought, and he’ll come apologize to you. And I know you’ll try to apologize, too, and I want you to know me well enough to know what I’m going to say to that.”

Antoni thinks that over. “Not to?”

“Exactly. Don’t apologize for this. You didn’t say a damn thing to hurt him, so far as I can tell, and what hurt Kauri was all the things he thought you were saying, not what you said. He hears you say this thing was bad to me and he hears but it was different for you, and that’s not what you said. He’s… he can be like that, sometimes. Like you said-“

“He hears the worst, because the worst used to be what was said to him always.”

“Yeah. Exactly that. Plus, he’s… he’s better at apologies if he gets to think it through first, take some time. And you’re better if you have time to expect the talk before it starts.”

“Hm. You do know us both well.”

“Course I do. I love you both. Knowing you is kind of part of my whole… reason for living at this point.”

Antoni laughs, feeling the rush of blood to his face. It’s never stopped feeling strange to have that feeling come from Jake’s soft, sweet tenderness and not from Mr. Davies and his endless humiliations. “Jasha… will he forgive me? For hurting him?”

“He probably already has, and he needs to go out there and wallow for a while in understanding how he hurt you. Then he’ll write his script, come back, and I’ll make you both a drink. Can I give you some advice, though, for that?”

“What?”

“Tell him you still love him, first. Before you let him say anything. Make sure he knows that you love him, even if he upset you, that it doesn’t mean everything else is gone.”

“He thinks I do not love him?” Antoni feels something chilled and cold, within himself, at that. “Jake, I-”

“No, no that’s not what I’m saying. He knows you do, he does, just... he’s scared you won’t, anyway. He always is, every time there’s a fight, every time someone raises their voice… Ant… when you’ve been, uh. Hurt. By people you loved and trusted, who were supposed to take care of you…”

His voice softens, and Antoni watches how his jaw works, how hard he fights to keep speaking, pushing through.

“… that feeling, that every screw up will mean they’ll pull back and stop caring about you… that feeling doesn’t go away. It never goes away.” Jake swallows, and Antoni tilts his chin up to watch his Adam’s apple move, how he blinks a little more rapidly. “Not all the way. No amount of therapy can stop your body from trying to survive, and when you learn, deep down where your blood runs, where your heart beats, that you’re never safe, not even with the people you love…”

“You never learn how to be safe, even when you are,” Antoni finishes for him, and watches Jake press his lips together and nod, just a little. A short, sharp jerk of his chin. “I know. I do not want Kasha to think I could do anything but love him, in my way.”

“It’s not because of you, or anything you do. It’s because… shit. You know what I mean.”

“I do.” Antoni closes his eyes again, letting Jake have the tears in his eyes unseen. Pretending they go unnoticed. “I will tell him I love him, no matter what, and that the talk is not about loving him but about what hurt.”

“But don’t apologize. It’s not your fault that he’s been made to be scared, and it’s not your fault that he heard something he didn’t know before.”

“I should have told you both a long time ago,” Antoni says, and finds himself leaning into Jake’s comfortable presence more than he has in so long he can’t remember if it’s ever happened before, this comfortably. “But I could never find the words to say. And then it had been so long… I just wanted to forget.”

“Does your therapist know?” Jake’s voice is slightly husky.

“… no. I did not tell her-… I did not want to.”

“Promise me something, Antosha.” Jake turns and presses a kiss to Antoni’s unruly dark hair. His lips graze down to Antoni’s scalp. “Promise me you’ll tell her, at least. You never have to say another word about it to me, or to Kauri, or anyone at all, but tell her.”

Antoni is silent.

“Ant, please…”

“I will tell her. I promise.” He moves his right hand to hook his pinky around Jake’s. “Pinky promise, like the children say at the park. Who all is in the house?”

“Jameson’s gone back to Nat’s. Allyn’s here, Sarita and Nova are with them downstairs watching TV. Eli is in his room doing… whatever Eli does in there all the time. Probably talking to Nine for seven hours on facetime again. What do you even talk about for that long?”

“You do not talk. You be as near to each other as you can, and when you look, you see the person you are looking for, every time.”

It’s Jake’s turn to fall quiet. They sit in silence for a while, Jake scrolling through his phone, Antoni with his eyes closed. He drifts, not quite comfortable enough to fall asleep, but realizing he’s held himself so tense, muscles locked, that he feels like he’s run several miles and just sat down to rest.

Ten minutes might pass that way, or fifteen.

“It is why I wear the ring,” Antoni says suddenly, looking down at his bandage, the silvery platinum peeking out above the top of the gauze.

“What?” Jake blinks, and looks over just as Antoni tips his head up. “What’s why?”

The kiss they share is quiet, and soft, and Antoni realizes he hasn’t smelled the cloves since Jake came in here. Only Jake’s cologne, and the scent of his body beneath, the laundry detergent in his clothes. His mouth is warm, and Antoni’s skin doesn’t crawl, it only meets that warmth with its own.

Then he pulls back, and smiles, their foreheads just touching, close enough to kiss again. But he doesn’t.

And Jake doesn’t try.

“I wear the ring,” Antoni whispers, “Because every time I look at it, it is like seeing the people I am always looking for.”

-

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @astrobly @thefancydoughnut @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears @hackles-up @grizzlie70 @mylifeisonthebookshelf @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @autophagay

[achyrov71]

Virtual Escape

Virtual Escape Part 2: Unravelling the Ties. As Antosha, I enter a private chat room with Igor, intrigued by his immediate interest. He types quickly and his words are sharp, a stark contrast to the flippant banter of my other characters. “Finally someone real,” he writes, and his relief is almost palpable on screen. Igor’s backstory unfolds as he types. Like me, he is housebound, but not by…