#anythingadvice

[anything-advice-blog]

Urgent: my period is three months late. I am sexually active, and a minor. I've used a condom every time I've had sex and I took a test at the beginning of October to see if I was pregnant and it was negative but I only took one, should I take more? I want to go to the doctor but my mom hasn't made my appointment yet and I don't know how to, I'm a minor. I don't think I'm pregnant, but even if I'm not, maybe there's serious health issues? I'm scared there's something wrong. Thanks in advance

Hello,

I’m assuming this is not normal for you if you are writing in (very irregular periods are the norm for some people), so yes I think you should see a doctor. I suspect that if you were two months pregnant in October, a pregnancy test would have come back positive. But you can get more reliable information from your doctor to make sure. If you really need to see someone quickly, you may be able to go to a Planned Parenthood or other walk in health clinic for a low cost, but you will need to research your options where you live. 

Ruling out pregnancy, there are a variety of factors that can influence your periods, from lifestyle factors (such as diet) to hormonal ones (you didn’t mention whether you are on birth control, but some hormonal versions can make periods lighter or disappear). Only your doctor can help you figure out what’s going on, so definitely keep on your mom to make that appointment. Or, find the doctor’s phone number online and call the officer yourself. The receptionist will make it easy to make an appointment. Tel them you would like an opening as soon as possible, and hopefully they’ll be able to get you in quickly. Good luck!

-Adelaide

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Do guys like chubby/baby faces?

There’s a saying that there’s a lid for every pot. There are guys out there that like almost every characteristic under the sun. So I would be willing to bet yes!

-Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

I like to bake and share it with people. A coworker of mine (who doesn't know I bake) was telling me a story about how he knew a girl who would always bring in home made baked goods because she didn't get any attention at home. He said this with a tone that implied he thought it was pathetic. This hit pretty close to home for me because I share my food with people because I have low self esteem and it makes me feel good about myself. How do I not let what he said get to me? Thanks Christina

Hello,

Some people like to complain and judge other people because it makes them feel better about themselves. Don’t let these comments get to you. There is absolutely nothing wrong about baking because it makes you feel good about yourself.A major reason people take part in their hobbies is to make friends, so don’t at all feel bad about using your skills to do just that! It’s accomplishing something tangible, and it’s something that the people around you enjoy. And having a special, useful skill that you excel at would definitely build a sense of self. As hurtful as this guy was, don’t let his tactless comment stop you from doing something you enjoy and are good at!

-Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

Relationship Troubles Submission

Hello, I just honestly need someone to talk to about. I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years, of course we have had our ups and downs but the most trouble we have is always over other girls, especially his ex and her friends. It is 3 years later and though neither of us are interested in having them in our lives, there is sill a connection with his friends and his ex and her friends. I do not feel comfortable about this and actually have nightmares where he chooses them over me, even though they were rude or mean to me in these dreams. I am terrified that I will never be able to escape his past.

Hello,

This is a super stressful part of relationships, but sometimes exes just have to remain part of the picture. Your boyfriend may just not be able to get rid of his ex completely without getting rid of all of his friends.  However, your boyfriend should make sure that his friends all know about this dynamic between him, his ex, and you (they probably already do). The friends should be sensitive to this and do their best to keep everyone as comfortable as possible during social gatherings. So they should not invite the ex to small casual events that you will be attending. They should not invite the ex and her friends to tag along in plans that you and your boyfriend made. His friends should do their best to keep things as separate as possible, as long as it doesn’t head into the territory of excluding people. 

With all of this said, you cannot dictate who your boyfriend’s friends are friends with- so accept that you may still see this ex and her friends from time to time. During these occasions, try your best to be civil and just keep as much distance as you can. Good luck!

-Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

Hey um I don't know what really to say: Long story short me and my friend got into a fight. She's attempted to apologise but the apologies are weak. I told her she needs to do better, because I know she can do better, because she really hurt me but she kinda brushed off that suggestion and was like 'I consider it in the past and I just want to move on' What can I say to her to convey that, without coming off as too much of a bitch?

Hello,

It is very hard for us to admit that we are wrong, and so often we turn our apologies into non-apologies: things like “I’m sorry you got mad” or “I’m sorry you feel that way”. True apologies are for the things YOU said or did that hurt someone else, not someone else’s feelings. It is difficult for some people to grasp the difference, but perhaps leading by example could help. Did you say or do hurtful things in this fight? Start by saying what YOU are sorry for, and only take responsibility for your actions or words- you should only mention her feelings in regards to what you did to make her feel that way. Hopefully, she will see the pattern, and then follow it to apologize for what she said or did that hurt you. If this does not work, state to her the exact things she said and did and how that made you feel. It is of course difficult to do this calmly, but stay as level-headed as you can. If she still does not get it, tell her that these are the exact things you are looking for an apology for, and again say why they hurt you. Hopefully she is not so tone deaf that she does not need this much walking through the process, but no matter what, don’t be passive aggressive. State clearly from the beginning what you are looking for from her, and repeat as necessary until you feel heard.

True apologies are not fun, they require you to swallow your pride, but they are worth it because they make the other person feel heard and like their feeling have value. Hopefully your friend just needs a little help realizing this. Good luck!

-Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

Trusty- I have this friend who really destroyed my trust in her because she lied about something and when I called her out on it lied straight to my face about what happened. After that our relationship has been seriously rocky and we have arguments about her lying or breaking my trust again and again. She literally has said to me that she knows that my trust in her is weak. When I catch her in a lie she skirts around it and becomes a huge drama queen trying to make me sound like the bad one.

Hello,

You didn’t tell me what these lies were about, so my thinking on this kind of goes in a couple directions. Is she lying about things in her life- home life, relationships, etc? These sorts of things could be red flags that she is in a bad place. If so, this is the time she needs friends more than ever, so try to keep a level head, but stick around and support her, and let her open up to you at her own pace.

However, if I have misread the situation and she is only lying to you about things to exclude you, talk behind your back, or be cruel to you, you will want to distance yourself from this girl. You may not want to cut her off entirely, and that’s fine, but just always know going forward that you cannot trust her. Do not tell her anything you want kept private, and do not count on her to be there for you or support you. She will have to be more of a casual friend or acquaintance. It is not worth being sucked into her drama, especially if she tries to turn things around on you and make you feel crazy. That behavior is toxic, mean, and unacceptable, so distancing yourself avoids you getting dragged down to her level. Good luck!

-Adelaide 

[anything-advice-blog]

A submission

TIME SENSITIVE; I have to confirm my choices by august 28th at the latest. So I’ve just received my exams results and did really well but now I’m faced with a tough decision. I’ve been accepted by both queens university in Belfast and a Dublin university. When I applied to queens I was so excited to live far away from home and have a chance at being independent. But over the past year, my relationship with my boyfriend has developed into the best thing in my life. It’s so healthy and pure. He’s my best friend and I can’t imagine a future without him. I’ve always been told “don’t change your future for a boy” but I see this boy as my future so I’m really conflicted as to whether I should go live alone and be independent in queens or stay in Dublin, live at home and be with him. Any advice?

Hello,

Sorry we didn’t make your deadline, but I wanted to write back, and this might be useful to people in the same situation. I think you should try to live independently for a while and go to the university that filled you with excitement. Do you think you would resent it if you stayed in your hometown? I would imagine that you would wonder what your life would be like had you gone out on your own, at least a little bit. You are correct that as hard (agonizing!) as it feels in the moment, it is rarely a good idea to make major life decisions based on a boy, especially at this age. You are (or were) excited about this opportunity! I think you owe it to yourself to at least give it a shot.

Also, some people are more open to long distance relationships than others, but if it’s something that you both are open to, it seems to me like Dublin to Belfast, or vice versa is quite doable for holidays or long weekends. If you want to live your dream, but also give your relationship the best possible chance, this may bring you some comfort. The choice will ultimately have to be yours, so wherever you may land, best of luck at university this year! 

-Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

A submission

Through Twitch, I met this guy a few weeks ago. He’s in GMT, and I’m in PST. Even though we’re in two very different timezones, we talk a lot, and I’ve gotten to know him very well. He can be rude and abrasive, but I always know he isn’t serious. I think I like him, but I’m not sure. I was looking into studying in the UK for my degree, but I’m not sure about that yet, nor do I know if I even can. He’s my age, and it’s really easy to talk to each other. He’s made it clear that he thinks that online relationships don’t ever work out, and I think he’s starting to notice something’s different between us. Recently, he’s been really open to me as well, but I’m not even sure if he likes me back since he has his opinions on online dating and that he always asks me for advice concerning girls. What should I do?

Hello,

There is a lot that goes in to university admissions decisions, and this is just too uncertain ground to base any big life choices on. He says that he does not think online relationships work out. Unless he starts saying differently, I would take him at his word and assume that that means he does not see a long term relationship for the two of you. If he’s asking you for advice about other girls, that reinforces this theory. You letter gave me no indication that he’s willing to make a commitment to you if you were to move to the UK to be with him, and I cannot guess what his reaction would be if you announced you were moving there. He might be happy that now a potential relationship has a real shot. Or he might panic, because he thought he was quite clear that he didn’t see long term potential here, and yet you moved countries to be with him.

 So, if you find yourself in university in the UK for other reasons,, I suppose you could give it a shot with this guy. But he should not be the main reason (or even one of many main reasons) that you go to university in the UK. At  most, he would be an added bonus. It’s fun having someone always sending you messages, but when it comes to such important decisions, there needs to a bit more practicality involved. Good luck!

-Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

I was recently cheated on, now I'm single. Since then my outlook on relationships/love has become cynical. I basically see it as "you can try to do all the right things, be a good person and still get fucked over." I understand this might fade with time but I worry that if I get into a new relationship I'll be grappling with paranoia, jealousy, resentment, etc. Before I wasn't worried when she hung out with male friends, got drunk etc but now I think I could be like that in future. Any advice?

It is perfectly understandable that you will be worried about getting hurt again in your future relationships. The good thing is that you understand how this experience may affect your future relationships and that you might be prone to more irrational thinking. Good for you! Going forward, this would be something to discuss with future partners so that they will know some of the reasons behind your behavior if you start acting paranoid or jealous. I think that would go a long way, because it can be hurtful to a partner to be accused of something they haven’t done. If they know upfront that this is something you will be struggling with because of your past, they will be more prepared when it happens to talk it out calmly. And when you do talk it out, try your best to think logically about things. In our minds, we can just let things race and get out of hand until we imagine that we are unloved and being tricked by those around us. But since you already know that you will be prone to those feelings, you have an opportunity to really look at things and judge if your feelings are warranted, or more a reflection of your past shaping your future. Good luck!

-Adelaide

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My friend recently stole something from a shop nearby. He told me tonight and I am still in shock. I didn't think he was the type of person to do this. When he first told me I got really angry and kept asking him loads of questions about the situation. I honestly don't know what to do or what to think? Am i supposed to support him/help him through it? I just don't know what to say to him? Thank you

Hello,

You’re a good friend to be worried about this. If this is very new behavior that is totally out character for this person, keep an eye on them for any other new behavior changes, I don’t know what kind of answers you got from them after questioning them, but if you can gently steer your conversations towards anything that might be happening at home, or with any of this other person’s relationships. 

At this point staying vigilant, watching out for you friend, and being there to support him is about all you can do. Do be sure not to go shopping with this person though- if he repeats this behavior and is caught, you will likely get in a lot of trouble too. Help your friend as much as possible, but keep yourself safe first.

-Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

A submission

Hi ☺️ so I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. He's a year younger than me and just graduated high school. A few months ago, about a week or two before his graduation his ex girlfriend apologized for cheating on him when they were together. That night he was at my house while I was at work and decided it would be a good idea to take her out to a movie and they kissed. 

Recently he told me that he's been talking to her again after we broke up and got back together. This is the forth time he's talked to her. I don't know if we should stay together... have I given him enough chances...? I made him tell her that we were together when they were talking and she blocked him on everything. I really love him but I don't even know what to do in this situation..... -part two of two❤️- -kelsey-

Hello,

I don’t really know your boyfriend’s level of interest in his ex. It could be that if he is presented with an opportunity to get back with her, he will. But it could be that her cheating on him created some power dynamics that he is not comfortable with. By cheating on him, this ex chose someone else over him. By expressing interest in him, he has an opportunity to be the one she chose- he can “undo” being the one she cast aside in some respects. If this is the case, it may be more about rebuilding his self esteem and “winning” in the relationship, and less about him wanting a relationship with her at all.

However, one can only put up with so much, and you’ve put up with more than enough. No matter what his motivations in kissing his ex were, it was still unfaithful to you. When someone is unfaithful, THEY should bear the burden of going above and beyond to earn back trust. That would include absolutely no contact with the person he cheated with. He is not doing that, and so seems to have little interest in putting in the work to earn your trust back. If you want to make sure you tried every possible option, then you can sit him down and say this all very clearly to him. If you have hit your limit, you can tell him that you expect him to cut off all contact with his ex, or you are gone. Be careful about issuing empty ultimatums though- you need to actually be prepared to go if he continues this behavior. 

As I said above, there could be a lot more going on here than just that he wants to get back with his ex. But it is still such a bummer, so I’m sorry it’s happening. Good luck!

#Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

I was dating a guy for 2 years and a half, four years unofficially. He broke up with me because he had a lot going on at home, parents divorcing, him losinf his job and I was always there for him. He started getting emotionally and verbally abusive towards the last months. After a month and half i found out he was already seeing someone else. A girl he began talking to the last year of our relationship. He owes me over 2000 dollars. Is it justified to take him to court?

Hello,

Yes, for $2,000 I think you should be able to take him to small claims court in most states. You will need to research how to do this in your state, but the most important component will be documentation of his debt to you. It is horrible that your ex treated you so badly, but that will matter a lot less to a court than hard evidence. Did you pay his rent, or other bills? Did you write him a check? Did you make some big purchases for him? All of these things will have receipts, and should be good enough to get your money back from him. If you were just giving him a little bit of cash here and there over a long period of time, it would probably be very difficult to prove to a judge that he owes you this money back. As much as you may want to stick it to him (I would too), the best thing to do would be to consider your case against this guy before going to court. If a court case doesn’t seem possible, you will probably have to just console yourself with the fact that you are much better off (financially and emotionally) without this jerk in your life. Good luck!

-Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

What do you think it says about someone who has been in relationships back to back and overlapping one another since the person dumped me?

That you are better off without them. That sounds like someone that struggles with commitment, and is always looking of the next new shiny thing. The relationship may be great at first, but I would think it would be quite difficult to build something deeper with that person. They may grow up eventually, but in case you had any doubts, it was them, not you.

-Adelaide

[anything-advice-blog]

i honestly want to just die, my mum is so emotionally abusive n shes refusing to feed my cats (shes made then starve for 2 days) and i literally got in a car crash n she didnt even ask if i was okay and found a way to blame it on me, i dont know how to deal with her cos shes so horrible and makes me want to literally DIE

Hey there, 

The first thing I’d like you to do is calm down. There are a million reasons for why your mother could be acting this way and you should be exploring and trying to explain these actions before you get boiled over the top. Keeping this in mind, I don’t want you to feel like the world is against you because, trust me I am not. I am merely an outside opinion that would like to help and guide you because you seem a little lost, and maybe so does your mother. 

Secondly, I wanting to die is a serious issue. I think wanting to - and doing it is two completely different things, and don’t think about throwing it all away just from a little thing. If you really do believe that your mum is holding you back in life, find some way around it. But it isn’t something serious enough to want to die. If you do please contact someone for help. 

I think the protocol is to have a serious conversation with your mum. Not in a temperamental way, you need to make sure that you are calm and you let her know why you are disagreeing with her. Tell her how you feel and try to establish a connection with her. At the end of the day she is your mother, and she may not seem like she is trying but it’s hard to picture, but mothers can’t be right all the time, they make mistakes too especially when they are mad. Maybe the two of you play off each other thus the bad relationship. 

My best advice is try to fix this relationship between the two of you, no matter what it takes, try not to snap at her, to be quiet even though you have something to say. Perhaps ask how her day is, and hopefully your relationship will continue to improve. 

Hopefully you have a family member to speak about this with, a close friend of you and your mother. This is for last resort, but if you feel like nothing is improving, approach an adult and let them know, seek help for you and your mother together. Do something together, so that something can be fixed. 

I hope this helps, 

Chloe x

[anything-advice-blog]

Urgent! I'm so sick of my friends, I feel so unliked and as if no one ever wants me there, they always get invited by the "popular" people to go places and I never get invited to anything! Sometimes they speak to me like I'm stupid when the truth is that I simpy don't understand what their saying cause I'm not from this country, I'm so annoyed and sick of being used like this, I want to do something about it I don't want to put up with it anymore!

Hello dear, 

I completely understand what it feels like to be the odd one out, the truth is, you shouldn’t have to try so hard to be friends with people that don’t accept you, that don’t treat you like one of their own. What you’re facing with are people who aren’t your friends, and you shouldn’t try so hard to be their friends in that case.

If your ‘friends’ don’t make the effort to include you and get you invited to places then they aren’t worth it. I know at the time being ‘popular’ seems like everything, but it’s not because what your mother and what people say are true. After life being popular, they have to go out into the real world and deal with life of not being popular, it can be quite a shock to them. I may not be 100% right, and popular people can go out to do amazing things, but I encourage you to watch out who you make friends with because being popular isn’t everything. Go out and make new friends is my best call of advice. The most difficult part of this is breaking ties with your old friends, letting them know you treasure your time together and doing it sensibly. Meet new people and keep your head down whilst you are at it. You don’t have to be the centre of attention and you don’t have to be in the spotlight all the time. It is entirely possible not to be invited to ‘cool’ parties and events and still have fun - with friends who accept you for the way you are, and understand you. 

You need to first find friends so that when you break ties you have someone to lean on, distance yourself slightly so that over time breaking ties won’t come as such a shock. Understand that perhaps you will be talked about for a while but people will come to understand and respect your decision. I hope you learn from this in the future and be careful who you make friends with. 

Good luck love, 

Chloe x

[anything-advice-blog]

Hello, I’m writing because I’m unsure to whether or not my friendship is toxic. I’m in a group of five friends, myself included, where I’ve known two of them since primary school. They also happen to be super close identical twins. The other two (H and C) I’ve made friends with since being at secondary school. One of the girl’s © I’ve become friends with showed controlling behaviour since the beginning. It was only ever me and her at the time (she didn’t like me hanging out with the twins and the other girl then) and she would always be telling me how I should act and when we would eat, etc. At the end of year seven I remember so clearly the twins and my other friend telling me they hate the way that I was being treated by this girl. At the beginning of year eight though, a new girl arrived. I was soon replaced by my controlling friend for a new mind-controlled minion. At first I was relieved, I could have my friends back, right? No. My controlling friend wanted us to be a trio and that’s when I started being bullied. The new girl at first looked innocent and sweet - just fresh from Norway and acted like she couldn’t speak English - but she soon began to exclude me from things. Again, I relieved that I was being pushed away by a duo now so I can finally be with the twins and my other friends but the new girl was always there saying things behind my back. Year nine was the worse. My controlling friend and her minion decided that they wanted to be part of my friendship circle. I was pleased that my controlling friend finally wanted to know who my lovely friends are but I was just filled with constant anxiety with the new girl sat next to me at lunch every day, having to put up with her gossiping and making rumours about me - right in front of me. At this point none of my friends said anything. They would let my controlling friend and my bully just hurt me. I didn’t get it, I don’t get it. By Christmas, the twins had fallen out with another girl that was part of our group which really put a dent in everything. When you upset one of the twins, you upset the other, and when you upset the other, you upset (H). There is no way out of it because if you want to speak out in my friendship group, you’re on your own because the twins and (H) will side together every time. You can’t break it. So this Christmas time I decided that I just wanted to be the mutual friend. My mother is the head of science at my school and always helps me by pointing out the nice girls but these, these aren’t nice girls. Just because I didn’t side with them it was like when the other girl left the group, I was forced out too. (H) took the twins to Winter Wonderland as well as taking ©, the controlling girl. It hurt, a lot. (H) was my friend. I’d done nothing but be nice to her and I was the one who introduced them to ©. They didn’t like © before my bully came along. The rest of year nine was a blur but welcoming at the same time. But now I’m in year ten and I had no idea what was coming. During year nine, my bully decided that she wanted to control what went on between her and ©. She soon became the more dominant one, no surprise, and was becoming rude to us all, even though she was budding up with (H). At the start of this year though, she done something that caused police calls between her and ©. Thankfully, they’re now enemies but honestly, even that’s still toxic. © was willing to do anything she could to get my bully into trouble at this point by making (H) give statements and forcing me into admitting all the bullying. I didn’t want too. It wasn’t my place and at this time in my life my homelife was really unstable and she knew that. She wouldn’t stop pushing me till I went to see the only teacher I trust, after my mother of course, but I kept it professional. I don’t know if my friendship is toxic or not because only then did the twins, (H) and © want to address everything I’ve been through. It hurt me a lot. More recently an incident happened during a Physical Education class and I was injured badly. None of my friends appeared to be there for me (© claims she was, but all I remember is her walking away with disgust on her face after I was injured). This clearly upset me and when I went to the twins for comfort, who I’d say are my closest friends at the time, they were just laughing with each other. At break time it ended up with me in an argument with one of the twins. For the rest of the day none of them say a word to me. Thankfully it was a Friday but the most heart-breaking weekend of my life and not because of that. I really needed a friend so on Monday I went to school with a clear mind but of course, they didn’t. © didn’t say a word to me and I was friendly with the twins. I’m a good girl and never take my phone to school and as my mum works at my school I stay pretty late in the science labs; by the time Monday night rolled around and I was finally home I faced the most horrific text messages. I was being accused of plenty of blasphemy and sin I had no idea what I was reading. None of them even replied to my texts. I have Asperger’s and I’m autistic which makes it really hard to me to cope in social situations sometimes as I can’t tell body language very well and I’m very quick to adapt anxiety in times like this. The next morning when © finally spoke to me it was painful and the twins wouldn’t even tell me what sinful things I’d done. The next week the four of them were going to the movies together, another thing I wasn’t invited too. Lately I’ve been really wondering if my friends like me and if my friendship is toxic. (H) and © are besties and the twins are as thick of thieves which always leaves me on my own. They always want to talk about TV shows they know I don’t watch which forces me to not be part of conversations and when I try and pick up on things they look at me like I’m crazy. There are days when I just stand with them like a lemon when none of them have said a word to me. Is this normal? I wish I had the guts like the girl they kicked out did because she’s moved on and found better friends but I’m not like that. I’m always polite and shy and I don’t know what I’ve done for my friends to do things this half term without inviting me. They even asked me what days I’m free before half term started, convincing me they wanted to do something. But instead all I see is them posting pictures of what they’ve done when they’ve been “busy”. They have a group chat I’m not part of which they always refer to and no one ever messages me. That part doesn’t bother me but I wish they’d just keep it to themselves because I’m not sure what they want out of me. I’m sorry this has been really long  but I feel like in order to understand my situation you need to know the whole story. I’m no longer being bullied but I’m unsure if my friends are. I’m at a point where I want to move away and never come back. I just want to have friends that care about me instead of how many likes their insta photo gets. Sorry. Thank you, Night-Slayer xo

Hello Night-Slayer,

I honestly wish that you have come to us earlier with this. You should not be subject to this type of bullying for 4 years! My straightforward answer to your foremost question is that yes, your friendship is 100% toxic and you should do your best to get yourself out of the situation. This is not a healthy relationship at all, and you do not benefit from being friends with these girls. You need to remove yourself from the situation ASAP. The fact is, what you have described is all middle school drama. Yes it is so painful kno

wing that people that you put first don’t put you first. Trust me, so many people have experienced this type of situation and have asked themselves ‘What am I doing wrong’ or ‘Should I treat them better?’ The simple fact is that you can’t. These people don’t realize or appreciate what they have in the present moment, and they will continue not to appreciate what they have until it is gone. They will never treat you right, no matter how hard you have tried, and after 4 years, i believe it is time to let go. You are incredibly mature to understand this situation, to step back and access what is the right thing to do, and to understand that hierarchy and popularity is not everything. It is not what your world revolves around. It is not worth being ‘popular’ when you give up your happiness. These ‘friends’ that you allegedly have are not your friends. I don’t want to be too harsh darling, but I’d like to tell you the real truth.

Lets break this down slowly alright? Social situations are never easy! Especially if you have Aspergers and Autism, it is extra hard, but you are dealing with it so so well honey, and I really hope that you do persevere on. There are times when we do want to move away, we don’t want to drag ourselves out of bed to see these people that make our lives miserable. I feel like you’re a lot like me, you forgive and forget really easily, but these people just take our kindness for granted, and they will come to believe that you will forgive them easily everytime. But this is our personality, and that is theirs. It is embedded in who we are and we can’t change that, no matter how vulnerable our personality makes us, we are kind and honest people.

The person that was forced out of your friendship group in Year 9 was the first indicator that this group was an unfriendly group. You should’ve realized this and gotten out as quickly as possible. This is just something to keep in mind for the next time you run into a similar situation. True friends will stick by their friends at all times, they will never intentionally force a friend out of their friendship group. It is mean and it is bullying, and you need to learn how to recognize that ahead of time. It may seem right now like it’s impossible to move on, that you will be alone without these girls, but you will not be. The first few months maybe, but soon you will learn that the world is not that lonely of a place. With 7 billion people in this world, you are bound to find somebody just like you - that is your best friend. The world isn’t over, it’s just starting, and you will meet difficulties such as these in your life, but you have to learn to deal with it sensibly and maturely - like you are already starting to do. If your friend C can find new friends you can too, and I’m going to walk you through how it’s going to be okay?

First when you detach yourself from the group, you need to let them know that you are done. Be mature, and keep your head up, and tell them that you are no longer interested in being their friends anymore. Say that your personalities and your core values do not match, and you do treasure the times that the bunch of you share, but you believe it’s the best if you go separate ways. Be mature, if they decide to attack you, do not attack back. You need to be the better person and not create even more drama for yourself because detaching will be drama itself. You furthermore need to prepare yourself for the bad things that they will begin to say behind your back, you need to make sure you have your own version of the story to tell - the truth, because people will talk. You need to make sure you don’t attack them, because that is the worst thing to do as you will stir up more drama and hatred between you and your former friends that way and you don’t want that. For the first few months when you detach, you need to keep your head down. It is not worth being in the spotlight because the more in the spotlight you are the more people will talk, and the best thing to do is keep a low profile for a month or two. Focus on school, focus on extra curricular activities, make sure your grades are pristine and spend time with your family. Build a strong foundation in your life before you load anything else on yourself. Help people when you can, be open to new relationships and new friendships. Scout the school because there will be somebody. Soon people will recognize your kind heart and invite you to their events, and into their circle. Make friends, and don’t be too afraid of conversations. It’s okay. Furthermore, I’d like you to take notice of the qualities in your old friends and make sure they are not present in the new group of friends that you join. The fact is they took advantage of your generosity, they are unkind and are simply just bullies. Cyber bullying and attacking somebody is bullying and they may not believe it is so when they do it but it is. The world will not be as kind to them in the future.

If you ever feel too much anxiety in the future we have a page on our website that will help you calm down if you ever need to.

http://anything-advice-blog.tumblr.com/navigation

(Look under the anxiety heading!)

Don’t be too afraid of the unknown, but I’d like you to be happy. That is the most important thing right now. The unknown is scary, but it is the best thing for you right now. You shouldn’t be the awkward lemon, you and your best friend should put each other first, you don’t deserve to be treated like the awkward add on, feel excluded. That is not real friendship. Find somebody that is like you. Doesn’t matter how popular they are, in 5 or 6 years, that won’t even matter.

I really hope this helps love,

Chloe x