#anyway I just love professionals from different fields I think they are a core part of society

[misskamelie]

It's very nice to see how certain crafts are being approached by more and more people (ex. Drawing, music, writing, etc), but I hope this won't make people be less suprised by the qualities of the professionals of the field

[cloveroctobers]

ANNA-JULIA “AJ” (JONES) JARLETT

IG bio/info: @/annajj9x_ | 20.1k followers| Athlete | hey peeps can you stop asking me to throw it back cuz the answer will always be no! K thx take it easy 🏳️‍🌈🌻🏒🐶

21 years old

From bath, England

Hockey player as her profession for the past three years

Her position is defense

Their team name is “rowdy alphas”...yeah some team names just didn’t make sense or they’re cringe for no reason at all

Was raised by her mom,(her mom was a teen mom & had her at 17) maternal grandmother, and her paternal aunt (dad’s younger sister, who’s more like a big sister to her at 28)

They’ve made her into the person she is, literally

Her grandmother has a bed and breakfast that they all live in

the house is Victorian style—almost as if they walked right out of charmed! Instead of a big pink house, think yellow AND purple. It was hideous but homey and charming on the inside

growing up in a house with multiple temporary strangers wasn’t odd to aj at all, in fact it felt like the norm. There was always someone around to socialize with so that was quite nice

Her father was a pro baseball player & passed away due to a automobile accident

she has his smile & freckles

aj was also involved in the accident at the age of 6 & miraculously survived with intense injuries

Has scars as a reminder

used to have night terrors because of the accident...it took awhile—years!!! for them to subside

they’re all vague memories now (but the pain is something she’ll always remember) but she preferred it that way

she’s named “Anna” after her mother’s old best friend/roommate and was supposed to be aj’s god mother but she went missing during their uni years

the name“Julia” came from her paternal grandmother who she gets her wide doe eyes from

her athleticism definitely came from her dad

Her mother luckily liked to document things so there’s a bunch of home videos of her dad in them & pictures/scrapbooks that her mom has for safe keeping

She’s more of a klutz, tiny, and wears huge prescription glasses

extremely close to the three most important ladies in her life, so she’s always been able to be open with them about anything!

when she first expressed her interest in liking both genders around 17-18 her paternal aunt was all smirks, “i knew Britney Spears was so your type, yeah?”

more like shakira but Brit was just as pretty

her mother was a “cry baby” so ofc she burst out into tears squeezing aj’s limbs and peppering her face with kisses. She didn’t view her child as anything different... as she shouldn’t & was glad that her daughter trusted them with this significant moment in her life and wanted to be as supportive as she could

got books, watched Ted talks and everything but knew she could come to the source even tho aj was still figuring it out herself

her grandma dipped her head at the new info sitting at the round kitchen table, “been there. had a few broads in my life after and during my marriage with your no good grandad. Thank goodness the bastard died before you even got to meet ‘em.” “Mum!”

what felt like the biggest weight on her chest was lifted. She knew they’d understand but a part of her had a little bit of doubt, she’s heard so many horror stories where those like her didn’t have the support she has and that made her extremely sad to think about

i see her as a person that has/had many friends in secondary. She’s always open to chat and her being on a few sports teams helped her out in her case

very competitive in anything that she does & will guarantee that she’ll beat you. (“ You wanna race to the car from here?”wins. “Who ever cleans the most dishes the fastest gets the last slice of pie.”) majority of the time she’s right but if she loses?? oh don’t let her lose to you, it’s a pity party for the rest of the time ur in her space. Such a sore loser omg

stays active, always working out + has a gym membership and makes sure she goes at least five times a week

she’s very strong, loves leg day & working on her core

she’s about 5’10

loves wearing “gf jeans” since they’re super comfy but doesn’t mind skinny Jeans with rips in the knees every now and then

trainers and chucks are her go-to sneakers

has no issue shopping in the men’s section ‘cause who’s gonna stop her? Nobody that’s who

owner of over a 100 graphic tees + vertical stripped shirts are also her favs, SWEATPANTS/joggers?! How many does she have? A lot. Snapbacks? Plenty. Will she wear them backwards? Obviously.

Physical touch is her love language. She’s comes from a family that has no issue showing their affection by touch. There is NO such thing as personal space and that still stands with aj when it comes to relationships, she sees no other way

It’s what she shows and what she wants in return, if you’re not touching her in some sort of way, then automatically she thinks there’s something wrong or that she did something

Is the jealous type. It has shown in relationships and ruined a relationship or two

Has cheated on a significant other out of pure jealousy & is not proud to admit that

Does have a wandering eye but feels now that she truly understands herself when it comes to relationships, she’ll never act on it again

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I get libra tendencies from her so that’s what I’m sticking with. She likes to keep the peace (unless she’s jealous) , idealistic — always looking on the bright side of things, outgoing, romantic, and professional— especially when it comes to her team; her true leadership comes out, yet she can be indecisive, hates confrontation, self pitying — if things don’t go perfectly how she imagined/planned it to, the world is ending and everyone is out to get her, and can be unreliable—never on time

September libra to be exact

if she’s really in love/taken a interest in you then she gets nervous: blushing, sweaty palms, cracking her knuckles, tongue tied—the whole 9

she’s already defined as a puppy by her coach but when she’s in love? She’s a lovesick puppy!

her fav holiday is Valentine’s Day

thought she was going to be a pro skateboarder growing up but it took one bad fall where she thought she was paralyzed for her to choose something else

she likes her weed on occasion

Obsessed with all types of cheese except cottage, “can I put cheese on this?”

more of a jumpsuit kinda girl or dressy top with jeans & hoops on a night out

has a solid group of mates outside of the hockey team, they’ve all met and hung out a couple of times, as they should since aj feels they’re going to be stuck with her for awhile so why not?

They’re a riot when they all go out, let’s just say that there’s never a dull moment

fav color is periwinkle

enjoys ASMR, mostly in the mornings when she’s waking up. You know how people love podcasts? (Sorry seb & Nicky, she still wants to be on the show soon!) ASMR is her thing

loves tangerines, you can count on it that she’ll have one on her, “where did you pull that from?” “I’ll never share my master plan.” “You’re such a tit.”

Definitely prefers “fresh squeezed” orange juice & will make her own, she has the tools & the strength 😏

Very rare for her to get sick ;) & if she does she’s a complete baby about it

Will fight that she’s sick before she admits it, trying all sorts of horrid remedies & vitamins

loves summer & all things that come with it, the number one thing is leaving bath for however long she can for a new place to enjoy

when she arrived to love island, she was thrilled for the weather. Yes she was looking for love but most importantly a nice get away & that it was (depending on your route that is lol)

closest with seb, vieve, elladine, and tai but don’t tell the others that! (She doesn’t care if you tell Yasmin, honestly)

just because her & seb “dated” and it didn’t work out doesn’t mean they can’t be friends right? It was almost automatic for them to be platonic after it was determined there would be no romance between them, almost like sibs! like those celebs like to say—except this time these two won’t turn around and actually find romance

vieve came with seb so...but no shade aj did like vieve. She gave great advice (while seb sometimes didn’t say the right things unintentionally or what aj needed to hear) when needed, especially from a medical view and is very sweet

elladine was the one who had all the tea & ideas to match, she’s quite organized and always down for DIY’s and could suggest almost anything. If you needed someone to help you get things tidy or match/find your Aesthetic, she’s the friend you call to help

tai was the one she could be a “bro” with, sure elladine has her competive side (or controlling, depends on how you view it) but tai was the one you can run to for much needed “bro hugs”, partying, going to the pubs, playing sports with or against, checking out/flirting with babes, etc...

it was not long after the villa that aj had a revelation with her sexuality & fully owned and labeled herself as a lesbian

She was happy being in relationship with someone else or with herself, life was short and she was young so there wasn’t time to dwell and stress over things so what the hell?! Live your truth the best way you know how ya know?

probably smells like sweet citrus, almond flower, and sea salt

on chest days, she’s a sweets snacker. Loves gummy bears (also with vodka) , swedish fish, sour patch kids, etc...basically shit that sticks to ur teeth

put all her chips into hockey, while it was advised by her Counselors & mum not to do so, aj went about it anyway. She thought about the pros and cons but knew there was nothing else for her. So there were more pros than cons. She was meant to play sports, its what felt right in her soul

Made her feel connected to her father, when she’s on the field she feels that he is with her

 scrunches up her nose when she’s frustrated or confused about something

Doesn’t always grasp concepts right away, she’s a soft dummy but most of us are and that’s okay! We’re all smart in our own ways

Feels like sunflowers are always around her especially if she sees them wherever she is. They must symbolize SOMETHING, therefore she loves them

spf queen. All about it, get with it or let the sunrays ruin ur skin that’s on u

loves a good filet mignon medium-well & is probably the only good thing she knows how to make alongside a salad, baked potatoes, & her oj

sucker for romantic-comedies...it’s basically her life duh!

If she has a dog, it’s a Dalmatian or Great Dane. She needs a companion that’ll keep up with her

loves kissing, it’s her favorite form of intimacy

Quarantine life included the push up challenge for her. Gaining a few pounds in muscle and fat, bothering seb via ft, viewing old letters she wrote to her dad, spending time with her fav ladies since they were now restricted from having guests in their home, and letting boredom consume her + she hated the whole lockdown that came with it, she hated being indoors for long periods of time but she knew that’s what partly needed to be done

Posts a lot of beach, park, outings with her friends & team, moments with her fav ladies, workout videos, and guests at the b&b with their permission and if only she befriends them along the way. She’s just as active on the socials as she is in rl but she’s not obsessed with it, she knows how to live in the now. She’s all about balance!

I also feel like she never keeps her phone charged and it’s always dying on her! She had a car charger but...that’s a jungle. She needs to invest in a portable charger stat

crushing on/finds attractive: Jared Padalecki, Keanu Reeves, Barrett Doss, Camilla Luddington, Sandra Bullock, Adrian Kempe, Harry Kirton, Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, Naomi Osaka, Ming & Aoki Lee Simmons

who does she listen to? Shakira lol!! Bea Miller, Dua Lipa, Daya, XYLØ, Elley Duhé, Stela Cole, Aloe Blacc, Maroon 5, Lewis capaldi, Charlie Puth, girl in red, Hayley kiyoko, king princess, dodie, & tessa violet

Anthem: Icona Pop — we got the world

[wedreamedlove]

Xu Mo - Character Study

Preserving this from Reddit. But the comments are always interesting, so I’m dropping the link here.

This post will include content up to Chapter 18. Plus some calls, dates, and ASMR in the CN server. I always quote from JP and CN (because I have major issues with Elex’s translation).

Also, this is an extremely long post. Last I checked it was about 7,500 words so get comfortable if you’re going to read this LOL.

BASICS

First, I don't think I'd be wrong in saying Xu Mo's character is the most polarizing out of the four men and I believe this is due in large part to cultural differences and how the localization handled that. Putting aside my constant harping about subtleties being dropped, I was enlightened by @sharinluna about an aspect I didn't consider, which is Xu Mo's "social class".

Face, social status, rank, and hierarchy are - and still is - very important in Chinese culture. Easy examples people can relate to are respecting elders and the prestige of being a doctor, banker, lawyer, etc. But I can't stress enough the reverence that is given to these "high" social statuses. How this applies to Xu Mo is that he comes from a lineage of literati that would place him as someone in an upper class status, in addition to his own achievements.

Xu Mo was born from a scholarly family. His parents were highly talented and leading researchers.

In the eyes of the public, Xu Mo is a young and remarkable neurologist and a guest professor at Lianyu University. He is serious and persistent towards his scientific research, which is how he's obtained extraordinary achievements. At 26 years old, he has already obtained achievements that most people wouldn't get in a lifetime. There is no other word better to describe him than "genius".

[CN Profile Translation]

The English definition of literati leads you to intellectuals, but this doesn't carry the weight and history of how literati, or basically scholar-officials, were people appointed by the emperor to carry out day-to-day duties and to help govern the country. I guess the equivalent would be a noble who carries out noblesse oblige. Cultured people with scholarly achievements were very respected in historical China and also acted as role models for the common people.

So, going back to Xu Mo, because we're in modern times and he doesn't have an overtly obvious title (to those not in his field of work) he just comes off as a gentle, unassuming, humble, scholar with an air of sophistication and professionalism from his background. Think of a noble, without any airs.

This is reflected in his polite and modest speech (I will be bringing an updated post on this over to Tumblr to go into more detail about modal particles; the important thing is that Xu Mo NEVER smirks unless he's Ares and even that could just be a cold smile). Not to mention all the descriptions about his elegance and refinement. Heck, he even has a Chinese tea ceremony set in his room, including the tools to make tea [CN "In His World" Event].

Xu Mo's classiness, for a lack of a better word, also emphasizes the purposeful contrast of seeing him do common, mundane things. Like watching cartoons to understand humans better [CN Profile]. It's like how Li Zeyan, with his more understandable poshness from his riches, would be contrasted with mundane things. But, if we were looking for another analogy, Xu Mo would be old elegance and Li Zeyan would be nouveau elegance.

Anyway, Xu Mo also has another trait given to him that's a classic in female-oriented Chinese media and that's being a "black belly; 腹黑". For those who are more familiar with Japanese, it's basically the same word as "haraguro; 腹黒".

Black bellies are people who act nice and unassuming on the outside, but they're sly and manipulative (and at times cruel) on the inside or in secret to other people.

Essentially, they're two-faced but while English has a negative connotation with this word it's normal and accepted in Asia (likely because of the concept of face). The majority of male leads in Chinese novels are all black bellies. BTW, the origin of the word comes from how you only notice their black belly after you're eaten up by them LOL.

So, how this works in female-oriented media is... well, there's many combinations. For example, they can be nice to everyone, including the heroine, but secretly vicious against those who hurt the heroine. Or they're nice in public, but show their sly cunning to the heroine. Mix it however you want! They also like to tease the heroine in all sorts of ways, like leading them into verbal traps to see them flustered.

There's some crossover with black bellies being abusive, cruel, or yandere towards their heroine, but it's not necessary for black bellies to be like that. Just think of these as being Venn diagram circles with overlap [example of a sweet black belly is Xiao Nai from the Chinese drama LoveO2O, also a novel].

Returning to the main topic, you can easily see how this applies to Xu Mo. He's nice and elegant... except for when he's not. It's how he can have this gentle and refined air, but then turn around and be a massive flirt and tease with the heroine (flashing his black belly). Then he goes and turns completely black when he's Ares LOL.

Now, after giving background on Xu Mo's character archetype, let's move onto my other sections.

MAN OF JUXTAPOSITIONS

I wanted to call this section "man of contradictions" at first, but then I thought that might mislead people. Basically, this is all about how Xu Mo is a man of dualities.

[Main Story 13-22] The scarred man describes Ares as being the only person who can be trusted in BS, and yet Ares doesn't hesitate to go against Hades and incapacitate him. I'd argue that this places a wrench in BS' operations, so there goes being the most trustworthy person in BS (although, granted, BS sounds like they're a writhing mess of people with their own thoughts and ideas about how it should be run).

Xu Mo is a gentle teacher to MC, patient and taking the time to explain concepts she doesn't understand or provide novel ideas to her; however, he also gives her the worst betrayal and you can almost call this the harshest of lessons.

For all his image of being an intellectual scholar, as I've mentioned in the previous section, Xu Mo is surprisingly "physical". [CN Archery Date] shows that he's ripped and knows a taxing sport like archery, and in [Main Story 16-22] he straight up kills the goons with ice shards (even if it's in a mental arena).

[Main Story 8-23 & 9] bombards you with light and shadow descriptions. Actually, this imagery follows Xu Mo everywhere but it's most prominent in these chapters. He's always standing at the intersection of light and shadow, or light shines down on one of his sides but casts the other in shadow.

[Main Story 9-14] I will be forever salty for Elex dropping the ball here, but Xu Mo's eyes are described to contain a sense of humanness and life. Then, in [Main Story 12-22] he is described to have an expression lacking any emotion and human warmth. Human descriptions contrasted with inhuman descriptions.

Mm, you just have to love delicious juxtapositions and how it emphasizes his duality of being both Xu Mo and Ares. Two sides of the same coin.

Once again, I didn't want to call these contradictions because I don't believe one of these negates the other. It's like how we code switch in different scenarios. You can be a nice person, but vicious when your bottom line is crossed.

These sides of Xu Mo don't overturn the core of his character or his through line: loving the MC, ruthlessly ambitious for the sake of his goals, and naturally gentle (shown in the way he treats animals and people not in the way of his goal).

But, if you do insist on seeing one side of these as lies, then Xu Mo once said:

"Besides, lies have just as much power as the truth. The true nature of things can be indirectly reflected in the world of lies [...] It is because these lies exist, that one can get closer to the truth."

[Main Story 12 Call: Truth and Fiction]

REVERSING "GOOD" IMAGERY

I haven't been quiet at all about how much I love the evocative imagery Xu Mo gets, but an interesting thing I've noticed is how "positive" imagery is twisted into "negative" imagery when it comes to him. It's brilliant.

[Main Story 13-8] MC leaves the building, after interviewing the elevator Evolver man with Xu Mo, and dazzling light shines down on her, yet she can't feel the slightest bit of warmth. This chapter literally sets up Xu Mo's reveal as Ares through positive imagery turned negative. Not to mention warmth disappears into coldness.

In [Midnight Date] there's a rope with thorns tightening around Xu Mo's heart. In [True Love Date] there is a delicate rope tightening around his heart. I will eat my shoe if this isn't a reference to the red string of fate that binds him and MC together. But, as you can see, it's causing him all the suffering in the world.

[Main Story 13-19] Iridescent, the pen, was given to MC and she ends up using it to threaten her own life. Not only is it Xu Mo's symbol of love (more on this later) but pens aren't supposed to be violent weapons. There's the saying that pens are mightier than the sword, because pens write down ideas that are supposed to convince people peacefully. So, a symbol of something non-physical and literary is now a physical weapon of violence and force.

[Main Story 8-23] Xu Mo tucks MC's hands back under the blanket when she's in the hospital, but MC describes a "cold sensation" touching her before she sees that it's his hands. So, Xu Mo has bad circulation or low temperature. Normally, in otome games, the men are supposed to have warm hands (encourages feelings of security, safety, etc.).

[Main Story 9-18] also talks about how Xu Mo's fingertips are freezing, but this is probably more because of the context of the scene.

To be honest, I'm iffy on the last two points about cold hands because it's a common description I see in Chinese novels, where the male lead is described with a cool temperature or cool breath. So, it sort of sounds like it can be a positive descriptor? Of course, there's also male leads who run hot to show how passionate they are LOL.

Or maybe cool descriptions are used to emphasize a character's rationality but when things get hot and heavy they start to burn in temperature and it's supposed to make you go "OOH! HE'S LOSING CONTROL!" or something.

In any case, Xu Mo being of cold temperature is a distinct thing because Gavin is generally described with warm temperatures (because he's a hotblooded military man). The only time I can recall Gavin having a cool description given to him is the tip of his nose in his birthday date, but come on the nose is the extremity of extremities!

Lastly, Xu Mo also needs a special mention for this point:

[Main Story 16-22] The opposite happens here with imagery reversion. Death, normally a frightening concept, is flipped to be a good thing. To escape Xu Mo's dream you need to die. Dying is another way to live.

SYMBOLISM

First, I think it's interesting to note that despite Xu Mo being a "villainous" character and having all this light and shadow imagery (metaphor for his inner conflict), he's ultimately described with light. He has spatial and solidifying light (?) powers that manifest as white light rather than dark shadows.

It's also cute that he shows his two sides with his WHITE lab coat or his BLACK trench coat.

Second, water is pretty much THE imagery to go to for enlightened, virtuous, and refined people. Heck, Lao Tzu in Tao Te Ching, a fundamental text for philosophical and religious Taoism, connects water with 7 virtues:

Dwelling with the right location: water goes to the lowest point, thus a humble person should emulate this. Arrogant people always try to go to the top.

Feeling with great depth: truly virtuous people are like deep pools of water. You can't see everything about them at first, but as you get to know them it's like discovering a treasure and this should encourage you to cultivate depth in yourself too.

Giving with great kindness: rivers flow across the land nourishing everything in its way; once it's done its work it moves on without waiting for praise or recognition. This is the virtue of unconditional kindness.

Speaking with great integrity: water, when calm and undisturbed, reflects its surroundings perfectly and so should people reflect the truth with the same degree of accuracy.

Governing with great administration: water benefits everyone equally, because water doesn't pass judgment on anyone. Give everyone the same level of basic courtesy.

Handling with great capability: water has great versatility and nothing can block its way; it can flow to the left, right, under, over, etc. It's also not limited to just its regular form and can be steam or ice.

Moving with great timing: summer rains never fall in winter, and winter rains never fall in summer. Water demonstrates there is a time for everything and that everything can occur in its own time.

Remember how I said scholar-officials in historical China are basically like role models and nobles who help govern the people under the emperor with noblesse oblige? This is why scholar characters go hand in hand with water imagery, because it's supposed to emphasize their virtuousness.

So, because Xu Mo is a scholar-type character, the same goes for him. He has SO MUCH water imagery going on for him, and it carries the above weight behind it. I've probably missed some, but here's a list of the ones I can recall:

[Main Story 9-11] MC falls asleep on the bus and, as Xu Mo watches her, the emotions in his eyes are like swelling ocean tides at night.

[Main Story 9-14] MC's dream about Xu Mo has her falling into an ocean.

[Main Story 9-22] MC ends up in Xu Mo's memories about the accident that killed his parents and it's raining.

[Main Story 11-6] Xu Mo brings MC Chinese bellflowers and MC feels that they're fragile, as if the petals are thin ice that'll break if she touches them.

[Main Story 13-4] Xu Mo's voice is like the morning fog evaporating in the sunlight.

[Main Story 13-8] During their talk about MC wanting to continue her investigation, calm waves drift in Xu Mo's dark eyes.

[Main Story 13-19] This is tangentially related to Xu Mo because these descriptions apply to the MC, but it happens after the Ares reveal. She feels like she got pushed into an ice cave, she feels like she's drifting in an ocean, and when she thinks about Xu Mo her memories overwhelm her like a flood and she feels like she's going to drown.

[Main Story 16-16] Xu Mo gets to kill Hades' goons with a copied ice ability. The writers didn't have to give the goons an ice ability; they could have had metal powers, or fire powers, but nope it was water-related.

[The Promised Date] Xu Mo's eyes are like ocean tides at night. When he's abroad he experiences heart pains and finds his shirt drenched and stuck to his back, giving him the illusion that he's drowning.

Third, Xu Mo also has a lot of flower language going for him. Technically, the other guys have flowers and plants associated with them too (for example, Gavin with white lilies and gingko leaves), but I think Xu Mo gets more LOL.

[Main Story 9-14] Red spider lilies appear in MC's dream about Xu Mo. These mean sad memories, mutual longing, separation, graceful purity, beauty of death, endless love, a precursor to death, and a call to the netherworld. The sadness and mutual longing is because the flowers and leaves of spider lilies can never touch; meanwhile, their relation to death is because they bloom punctually around the autumn equinox when people sweep graves.

[Main Story 11-6] Xu Mo gives the MC Chinese bellflowers, which bloomed out of season, when she's at the hospital. These mean eternal love, sincerity, yearning, or hopeless love. The reason for this double meaning is because Chinese bellflowers represent happiness, but only some people can seize their happiness while others miss it, are unable to grasp it, or are unable to keep it.

[Blossom Event] Xu Mo gifts a gardenia to MC, which is called Garda. In Chinese, gardenias mean tenacious, eternal love, waiting for you for a lifetime, and our love.

[Blossom Date] Xu Mo and MC go look at peach blossoms together. Not only do they quote a poem all about a bride serving her clan, groom's clan, and her groom (including having abundant fruit if you know what I mean), peach blossoms themselves mean being a captive of love.

[Under the Mistletoe SSR] Mistletoe, duh. Normally, I'd look at Chinese flower language but they're clearly using the common meaning of mistletoe: love and enduring love to those who kiss under it. Plus, if you refuse a kiss beneath it then you'll get bad luck LOL.

[CN Promise You a Lifetime SSR] Xu Mo's wedding card has wisteria in the background. In China, it means intoxicating love, dependence, born for love and dying for love, obsessed with you, the happiest moment, and indulging in love.

[Golden Days SSR] Xu Mo's flower card, but I can't find a consensus on what the flowers are. Some people think its oleander but they only bloom in summer and fall when the card is about being in the springtime. Oleanders mean a curse and to watch out for danger though.

I personally think they're apple blossoms (blooms early spring and summer) and they mean "trap". Apple blossoms are so beautiful people want to eat them, but their body is poisonous. People represented by this flower look loyal and honest on the outside, but they're sharp and have a thorny tongue. Those who get too close risk being stabbed and only smart people will find their viciousness interesting LOL.

Come on, it's totally not a coincidence that all of Xu Mo's flower symbolism is just a neon sign about how in love he is with the MC. Eternal love is repeated like a billion times. The only odd one out is his flower card, but it still suits his character:

Under his elegant and gentle face, there hides an inexplicable dark side which is the most deadliest poison.

[CN Profile Translation]

Lastly, Xu Mo has a fox as his animal representative. Foxes are pretty much universally associated with being tricksters, masters of illusions, and cunning. It's amusing because, in Asian folklore, they also like to transform into beauties and seduce people to consume them. Sometimes, the nine-tailed fox is associated with auspiciousness though!

[Official CN Animal Figures] Xu Mo is a fox, Gavin is a dog, Victor is a cat, and Kiro is a bear.

[CN Dream Flower SSR] Xu Mo's West Moon card shows him as a fox demon and scholar.

[Main Story 9-14] Xu Mo quotes the fox's line from "The Little Prince" and MC imagines seeing a fox bounding through the wheat fields too.

I think people can see why foxes are so fitting for Xu Mo but I also want to add that, despite me going on about how virtuous scholars are, in order for scholars to survive the swamp of politics in court, these scholar-officials needed to be extremely sly and cunning and it's actually a good thing to be a "wily fox".

In fact, in Chinese novels, usually the honest and genuine characters are... not the main characters and they reach a tragic end or, if they are main characters, they have to be protected by other cunning leads because good-natured people cannot survive in a mortal world filled with greedy people and their materialistic desires. Laughs hollowly at how all my honest military men biases die horrible deaths or get ruined because of this blunt personality.

Hey, check it out, with Xu Mo's historical Qixi card, [CN Vermilion Lip SSR], and his West Moon card, there's two explicit references to how he's the scholar character.

STORIES OF YOU AND ME

Now, Xu Mo brings up three major stories throughout the game in various places.

First, there's "The Little Mermaid":

[The Little Mermaid ASMR] I was on the fence as to whether Xu Mo relates himself to the Prince or the Little Mermaid, but now I think he's the Little Mermaid. He's different from humans but longs for them and wants an eternal soul.

[Overseas Date] Here we learn that Xu Mo can't yet understand the Little Mermaid's selfless, brave, and devoted love (sorry, but you're way too insatiable, my dear) however he finds himself understanding her last choice. That he can continue loving someone despite the pain they bring him (the Little Mermaid's pain every time she uses her legs).

It's, uh, pretty somber that the version Xu Mo has in his head is the Andersen one where the Little Mermaid dies. He also ends the story there and doesn't add the part where she turns into a daughter of air and still has a chance to get a soul after 300 years to go to the Kingdom of God.

Second, there's "The Little Prince" and its a damn good reference. So, this book is actually MC's favorite book and it's about a little prince who raises a rose on his planet, B612, and falls in love with the rose. But he catches the rose in a lie and gets hurt and, even though they reconcile, he leaves the planet to go on a journey.

On the Little Prince's journey he meets all sorts of people with obsessions and learns life lessons through them, but the most important one he learns is how to love his rose. He crashes down to earth though and meets the person he tells his story to (thus creating this story), but before the Little Prince can return to his planet he gets bitten by a poisonous snake and that's it. The narrator likes to think the Little Prince made it back to his planet and rose though.

In [Sound of Silence SSR Call: The Little Prince] Xu Mo mentions how The Little Prince is MC's favorite book. He also compares MC directly to being the Little Prince and how she's growing like the Little Prince through her experiences. I have a crack theory that MLQC's story could actually mirror this somewhat, especially about MC learning the meaning of love and how that'll save the world LOL.

In [Sound of Silence SSR Call: Beautiful Moonlight] there's another mention to the Little Prince where Xu Mo asks if she can find B612, the Little Prince's home planet. They both hope the Little Prince made it back home.

In [Main Story 9-14], like I mentioned above, Xu Mo quotes the fox's line and it goes: "The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat".

However, let me explain the context and show the full quote. So, the Little Prince meets a fox in his journey and the fox tells the Little Prince to tame him to "establish ties":

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

[...]

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat."

The Little Prince agrees and tames the fox. But when he has to leave the planet:

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added: "Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

[...]

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

Isn't this conversation good? I remember reading the Little Prince a long time ago and found it super sad, and now that I'm re-visiting this story again thanks to Xu Mo... well, I understand it better but it's still melancholic LOL.

But, anyway, if we replace the Little Prince with MC and the fox with Xu Mo, this conversation is really interesting. See, the fox is indelibly marked by the Little Prince (like Xu Mo by the MC) and they have made this unique connection between them that will hurt both of them when it comes to the end.

However, this pain doesn't mean their experiences wasn't worth it and that it didn't mean anything. Like the fox says, now he has these memories of the Little Prince that makes life worth living. The fox, before he met the Little Prince, found his life boring and monotonous, but now things are given meaning when they didn't have it before.

On a totally random note, in [CN "In His World" Event] people have taken pictures of Xu Mo's shelves and now we can get an idea of his reading material. It ranges from literary classics (Ayn Rand, Oscar Wilde, Vladimir Nabokov, Charlotte Brontë, and lots of Chinese authors), to research papers (Genome-wide Polygenic Burden of Rare Deleterious Variants in Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy), to things like encyclopedias on flowers, etc.

It'd probably take you years to get through his reading materials LOL. The other guys also have books in their rooms, but I don't remember them clearly. I do know that Gavin has sci-fi books though! Totally not biased. But, I'm sorry, I don't really like reading sci-fi...

Third and last, the most referenced story throughout the game is probably the one Xu Mo made, "The Artist and the Butterfly". I feel like most of us know it by now, but I'll do a translation for those who haven't had the pleasure of getting [Drowning in Love SSR] and its two calls [Artist and Butterfly] and [The Only Color] and because Elex's version is riddled with errors.

Once upon a time, in a secluded castle, there lived an artist. The artist's paintings only had two colors: black and white. It wasn't because the artist loved these two colors, but because in his eyes there were only these two colors in the world.

The artist believed the world to be depressing, so all the other colors were meaningless. But, one day, a butterfly flew in front of him and the artist saw with shock that on the butterfly's wings were all sorts of beautiful colors he had never seen before. The fluttering of its wings made the colors even more lively and charming, and so the artist painted it for the entire day, never tiring.

But the sensitive artist was also afraid the butterfly would one day grow tired of being beside him, and so he thought about catching the butterfly and putting it in a glass jar. Like this, the butterfly would never be able to leave him.

Then, we move onto the conversation portion in [The Only Color]:

Xu Mo: What do you think of this story?

MC: Um... you can't laugh at me when I say this.

Xu Mo: I promise I won't.

MC: I feel like the artist is very relatable.

Xu Mo: ... Relatable?

MC: Mhm, although I don't understand his actions, I can see that he's really stifled and sad. Now, can you tell me what happens after?

Xu Mo: Actually, this is what happens after. Or rather, this story doesn't have an end.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: Are you disappointed?

MC: So, not every story has an ending...

Xu Mo: The artist continues to try and catch the butterfly, and even I don't know whether he caught it or not. If I see him again, I'll ask him for you.

MC: Turns out this is a real story?

Xu Mo: Yes.

MC: If you're able to meet that artist, you have to tell him this for me. That he actually doesn't love the butterfly, does he?

Xu Mo: Why do you not think the artist loves the butterfly? If you love someone, aren't you supposed to move heaven and earth to bind them to your side?

MC: But this is too selfish.

Xu Mo: Hah, yes, even I find it selfish. But if he doesn't do that, the artist will likely lose the butterfly. And then his life will be like how it was before; the whole world would just be black and white.

MC: If he really loves the butterfly, then he wouldn't want to see them suffer. Maybe I'm too simple, but for me genuine love is simply loving that person, as an individual, and I wouldn't need a relationship with them. I'd just want them to be happy.

Xu Mo: If you were this butterfly, and there was someone who wanted to confine you to their side so they could keep you together with them forever... would you be willing?

MC: No... I don't think I'd be willing.

Xu Mo: Indeed... exactly what I thought you would say...

MC: Xu Mo... I want to ask you...

Xu Mo: Mm?

MC: Is this story about you?

Xu Mo: I couldn't be the artist, and I definitely couldn't be the butterfly. But if I really did encounter the one and only color in my life, then I certainly wouldn't let them go.

MC: Why?

Xu Mo: Why?... I don't know why either... You don't need to dig to the bottom of everything.

MC: Xu Mo, I'm a bit sleepy all of a sudden...

Xu Mo: Sleep then. Don't be afraid, even if you have nightmares, I'll be here for you.

Gods, I'm going to be endlessly salty over Elex's butchering of these calls, but whatever. WHATEVER.

This is LITERALLY the story of Xu Mo and MC's relationship. And, with this, we are shuffled immediately into my next section.

COLORING EACH OTHER

In [New Light Date] Xu Mo asks "Can you teach me love?" and in [Main Story 5-6] he also asks "Then, will you change me? If we get along together."

The answer is a resounding YES. MC has changed him indelibly, like the tamed fox, and there is only one unique her in his world; he's left the same mark on her, making him the only unique Xu Mo in her world.

(Not to mention in his [CN 2nd Anniversary VIP message] to the players Xu Mo literally says "It's as if under your guidance I've learned how to love".)

In [Firefly Date] Xu Mo talks about how the lights of the fireflies are a danger sign to other creatures (because fireflies eat everything during their larvae form). Then in [Rainfall Date] he thinks the exact same words, that the colors he's seeing emerge into his world because of the MC are a DANGER SIGN but he cannot bring himself to care.

It is not metaphorical in [Rainfall Date]. He's colorblind!

The "Mo (墨)" in Xu Mo's name (许墨) was once his mother's favorite word. This word represents pen and ink, a literary family, and the black and white world in his eyes.

His world is black and white and only by your side can he see colors.

[CN Profile Translation]

Then in [Afternoon Date] there is this exchange:

MC: What do I look like in your eyes?

Xu Mo: ... Colored.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: In my eyes... you're full of colors.

So, now that we know MC literally brings color into his life, I'm going to bring back his pen, Iridescent, that he gives MC [Main Story 13-10]. It's a symbol of his love because there's a line that comes from a movie called "Flipped". The Chinese name for the movie "Flipped" is the same as the Chinese name of Xu Mo's [Lovestruck SSR].

“Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss... [...] But every once in a while, you find someone who's iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare.”

Iridescent is how he sees MC. She literally brought the colors of a rainbow into his black and white world [Rainfall Date].

Now, when we think about his line in "The Artist and the Butterfly" we get... MAJOR ANGST. Because, contrary to his words about not letting the only color in his world go, he lets the MC go again and again and again:

He doesn't catch MC in [Main Story 13].

He saves MC from Hades in [Main Story 16] and then takes advantage of the dream erasing her memories, so she'll have no ties to him or BS (until the next time they meet on the field again, I guess).

Heck, to take this further, in [Memory Palace: The Night Before] Xu Mo traces his previously wounded eye and thinks about how he can barely remember MC's colors and he's going to lose it completely when they meet at the news conference. Then in [Main Story 16-22] MC sees his past all in black and white.

Xu Mo has given up on keeping her colors in his world...

On a side note, I also think he's giving up vividness in his world. In [Rainfall Date] it's implied that the cheerier MC is the brighter her colors are and, I assume, the colors in Xu Mo's world?

There's an intriguing fact in his [CN Profile Translation] too where it says "His sense of taste isn't too sensitive, but it's not completely absent either." What if that fades too when MC isn't around?

Papergames has also mentioned that Xu Mo has glasses he wears to help him see colors (so he can drive safely LOL) but we don't actually see him wear them much except for when he's doing scientific stuff. Perhaps this is a sign about how little he cares about seeing colors in his world if he can't see them naturally (MC-induced colors).

But, hold on, this is a section about how Xu Mo has equally changed MC (it's just, perhaps, more tragic and more obvious with Xu Mo because he only has MC, the sole color in his life, while she has three other guys just lost a friend, mentor, and love interest).

In [Blossom Date] there's an exchange where MC tells Xu Mo that, like how he's told her to take her time growing in front of him [Main Story 9-2], she wants him to take his time going through life. She's echoing his words (and teaching) and, in response, Xu Mo's eyes darken and he thinks about how he's "staining her purity in his colors".

In [CN Archery Date] Xu Mo teaches MC how to handle and shoot a bow and they end up having a mini competition where they both hit bull's eye and get a draw. He's given her one of skills (and a piece of him) again.

Xu Mo continuously gives MC things that he has never given anyone else:

In [Snowy Night Date] he reveals his actual birthday date to MC.

In [Hot Spring Date] Xu Mo reveals that he's never celebrated his birthdays like this, until now with her. Because they probably reminded him of his parents' accident.

In [CN Nightmare's End ASMR] Xu Mo barely remembers his childhood memories (or his real name RIP), and yet he doesn't hesitate to share these memories with MC.

Tangentially related, but I want to throw in here how Xu Mo and MC are described sometimes as having eyes only for each other. I'm sure there's more mentions, but I can only remember these two:

[Main Story 13-8] "Xu Mo didn't respond. He stared at me with a complicated look and I was the only one reflected in his eyes."

[True Love Date] "The girl, with her clear black eyes opened wide, stared at him. The one who was reflected in those eyes was him alone."

My romantic and poetic explanation here is that, because they have pieces of themselves in each other, they're drawn together like magnets!

RUNNING ON PARALLEL TRACKS

In addition to coloring each other with pieces of themselves, MC and Xu Mo are also quite synchronized. He still leaves her confused at times with his intellect, but she can give back pretty good. I will continue to quietly blame Elex for unflattering descriptions of the MC, especially after that call up there, WTF.

For example, [Blossom Date] has Xu Mo quoting a classic poem "Tao Yao" with stanzas 1+2, and MC follows with stanzas 5+6, only for Xu Mo to flirt with stanzas 11+12 (thanks to @love-p for this translation):

1 桃之夭夭 Fresh is the peach tree,

2 灼灼其華 vibrant does it bloom.

[...]

5 桃之夭夭 Fresh is the peach tree,

6 有蕡其実 abundant its fruit.

[...]

11 之子于帰 The betrothed comes home,

12 宜其家人 she serves the clan well.

Then, while Xu Mo doesn't say this unprompted, in [Main Story 13-15] he connects the writing on the wall to 1 Corinthians 13:12. "For now we see through a glass, darkly..."

Then in [Main Story 16-12] MC quotes 1 Corinthians 13:2 at him: "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing."

However, despite being able to follow up with each other like this, [Firefly Date] shows how Xu Mo and MC have philosophies that differ on a fundamental level, and this ultimately puts them on opposing sides.

Xu Mo believes in mistaken Darwinism, the strong survive and the weak perish, and he also upholds a strict utilitarian view about using people's lives for the greater good of humanity.

The progress of science is often accompanied by many failed experiments, and towards those failed experiments Xu Mo will feel regret. But at the same time he believes that it is a kind of honor to contribute to a better future for humankind.

[CN Profile Translation]

MC believes in helping people out, not just leaving them out to struggle on their own, and she respects and believes in the innate dignity of human life and choice.

We see in [Main Story 16-9] that Xu Mo and MC have another debate about their philosophies and it ends without a victor, again, but also them realizing that both of them wouldn't sacrifice the person they love (consolation prize LOL).

There's also an amazing moment in [Main story 16-12] where MC quotes something Xu Mo told her in [Main Story 13-17]: "Only those who have felt pain and despair can reach the truth of this world. So, even if you feel pain, there's no need to give up on what you want to do. Even if that source of light were to disappear, it would immediately regain its light."

It hurts because, what was a motivational speech for MC, is now used against Xu Mo. It further resolves MC about her principles, but the way she throws his words at him to hurt him like that... yikes. To the both of them, honestly, since Xu Mo wasn't playing nice at all there in assuming her hesitance about answering meant she would sacrifice her loved ones.

Anyway, we see that this understanding and knowing (coloring) of each other lets them hurt each other just as bad. I mentioned in a previous post about the [CN Archery Date] that it's interesting to see their relationship as a metaphorical draw. They take and give to each other, constantly, throughout the story and it shows that they're equals. Running to some place, but not being on the same track. We can only hope they're heading to the same place and that they won't branch off and go further and further away from each other (but he's a love interest, so it should be?? okay??).

On a side note, Xu Mo quotes "Graveyard by the Sea" in [Firefly Date] (I've linked an amazing English translation that comes with an analysis of the original French version).

TL;DR is that the poet realizes timelessness does not exist and that, because his mortality is ever looming, he must go out and accept the challenge of life (carpe diem!) because immortality might not lie beyond the grave. You only get this one chance in life and the future is uncertain, so do everything you can to achieve what you want to do.

This is actually another good reference to Xu Mo's ruthless ambition and why in [Blossom Date] MC wants him to rest and take his time moving forward slowly, much like how he tells her to take her time growing with him.

Uh, I realize I may have taken you guys off guard by suddenly bringing up ruthless ambition again but:

[Blossom Date Translation] Xu Mo reveals how much he worked his ass off when he was younger.

Xu Mo: Yes, I skipped grades.

Xu Mo said that casually, without any pride, as if it were someone else's business. But I was deeply impressed.

MC: You spent all your high school years studying?

Xu Mo: At that time, yes.

MC: Why?

Xu Mo: Silly, there aren't that many why's. It's the same as how you were when you were taking your entrance exams, there were things I needed to do.

[Main Story 13-22] "Ares had a smile cold enough to send chills through someone. The blood that flowed to his mouth made him stand out even more bewitchingly, like a flower. He raised his head and ambition roiled in eyes that were deeper and darker than twilight."

[2nd PV] Xu Mo has a line in Chinese that goes "我贪得无厌　想要你的全部" which I believe English translated as "I am insatiable, I want all of you" which is... um, sure. I mean it works! Perhaps it doesn't fully convey how it's like endless greed, the desire and want for more, never being satisfied, and always hungering. That is what insatiable means, but I don't think the word is used commonly enough for people to click onto all of that.

CONCLUSION

LORD, this is massive. Not including this conclusion, whoever has read down to this point has cleared around 7,500 words, so congratulations.

Anyway, obviously, this post isn't supposed to be all "this is the one and only true interpretation of Xu Mo's character" but I wanted to provide some background from a native (?) context that might have been overlooked, because I don't think scholar archetypes are as common in English and Japanese media (the second culture people are probably most familiar with if they're playing otome games?).

Like how you can point out "ah yes, the tsundere, the yandere, the megane, etc." in Japanese media, the scholar archetype is someone you could spot at a glance from a line up of Chinese characters. If I had to choose a similar type they're probably like megane characters... except their EQ and IQ are both high, so they're not cold, logical robots.

Coming back to a summary of all my points, Xu Mo is a complicated scholar archetype and the game also enjoys spicing this concept up with things that contrast sharply against it (the sexuality from his fox characteristics). He's gentle, refined, and knowledgeable, but also has a black belly that shows when he flirts and verbally traps the MC to fluster her (not to mention all his manipulations behind the scenes).

Every scene he appears in seems to say one thing, but show another, and his references make me want to cry when I end up digging too deep in them. Meanwhile, the silence between the lines of his scenes, words, and actions, scream so loudly with evocative and symbolic imagery.

Feel free to dislike him, but I don't think it can be denied that he's a very intricately written character, and that's what all the fun is about liking him and deciphering his raison d'être.

As an aside, I will acknowledge that I've skipped over other references that I couldn't fit into this post but there were things like the [Roman Holiday] movie he and MC watched in [Main Story 5-6] and the song he sings in [True Love Date], "When I Fall in Love", and its relation to [Sleepless in Seattle], perhaps? But @sharinluna has good posts on these already. I haven't watched any of these, so I won't bother to reveal my ignorance on them LOL.

Lastly, I just want to leave everyone with these two lines from Xu Mo, because it draws such a beautiful circle:

So, in his [2nd PV] he says "我贪得无厌" which I mentioned above was something like "I'm insatiably greedy".

Then, there's a call where he says "谢谢你、成全我的贪心，希望你可以相信，无论是过去，还是未来，能让我倾尽所有想要独占的，只有你一人" which translates to "Thank you, for fulfilling my greed. I hope you can believe that, regardless of whether it's in the past or future, the person who's made me want to exhaust all methods to monopolize them has only ever been you."

Such a beautiful full circle, right? You can imagine him saying this at the end of the game or at a wedding, right? EXCEPT IT CAME FROM A KFC COLLABORATION CALL. YES. KFC. I'm crying and I feel like my soul took a hit. It doesn't count... it doesn't count as canon material does it... I mean, he's not talking about the chicken, because this is in response to a confession you get to write as the player, BUT STILL. LOL.

(I secretly laugh at how English would handle that, since they gave him the "I am insatiable" line. "Thank you for satiating me"? HAHA).

Nah, perhaps the true circle is him asking in [New Light Date] if MC can teach him love and then telling us that we've taught him in love in the [2nd Anniversary VIP Message].

[gascon-en-exil]

But What If You Want to Come Out on Vers Bottom?: A “Coming Out on Top” Review (Part 2)

Part 1

The main substance of Coming Out on Top - and around 80% of its wank material - lies in its main story love interests, so each of them deserves a dedicated section for review and...erotic evaluation, if you will. It would be much too cluttered to try to cover all six in one post however, so this one will only include the first three with Part 3 to follow with the remainder. Note that I’ll be doing these in alphabetical order, except for the sixth who was added in an update and whose route comes with some mechanical differences that warrant leaving him for last. I wouldn’t want to seem biased, would I? But I’ll be ranking them from most to least favorite at the end anyway.

Also, if anyone is wondering why most of my screenshots are from dialogue scenes rather than CGs, it’s because there are remarkably few CGs in this game that are both interesting enough to include in a review and tame enough for Tumblr’s censorship standards.

Alex: Mark Makes the Grade (With His Ass)

And how fitting it is that I get to start with Alex, fresh off over a year of involvement in the fandom of Fire Emblem: Three Houses and all its exaggerated pearl-clutching over that game’s teacher/student relationships. That’s exactly what Alex’s romance with Mark is, begun under more innocuous circumstances wherein Alex judges Mark’s alcohol preferences (the uncultured barbarian favors whiskey, and has nothing to say if you have Mark order a glass of presumably passable cabernet) but then progressing rapidly to hot for teacher territory once Mark discovers that Alex is his anatomy professor. As expected a handful of jokes - and one sex scene, kind of - hinge upon Alex’s field of expertise, but compared to the other routes of CooT this one is remarkably tame. It’s the only one in which it’s impossible to have sex with the love interest during the game and still get his ending, and the story requires the player to thread a fine line between expressing attraction to the man and respecting his professional boundaries. Alex is nothing if not ethical, almost to a fault, and the game also doesn’t allow you to lose sight of how strange his connection with Mark is...allegedly, anyway. I personally don’t see much issue with it, when Mark is of age (this isn’t even the largest age gap of the main love interests) and about to graduate. Eh, I’ll chalk it up to a cultural difference and move on.

The plot of the route also pivots around the potential scandal to be found in some hot one-on-one anatomy lessons, as Mark finds himself embroiled in the cutthroat world of tenured professorships and overworked postgraduate toadies moonlighting as paparazzi. I guess I lucked out in my much more reasonable graduate advisors, but I think I would have taken well to snooping around in men’s locker rooms looking for hot gay action/blackmail material. With all that going on it’s little wonder that there’s no real sex to be had on the full route, and that the one potential steamy encounter Mark can have with Alex in the professor’s office swiftly ends the romance then and there. I suppose it’s worth noting that Alex is also the only primary love interest who will never bottom for Mark in any encounter the player gets to see, so props if you’re looking for a total top. He’ll give head though, so that’s nice.

That said however, I can’t help but feel as though CooT wants to have its cake and eat it too when it comes to the teacher/student fucking. Amidst everyone being reasonable and ethical about the situation Mark can have a dream in which Alex fingers him and gives him a prostate orgasm as a live demonstration during a lecture - unquestionably hitting some of those teacher crush buttons even as it comes with the easy out of being a dream sequence. I’ve also seen reactions to this route labeling it as an example of the type of lover/beloved relationship found in ancient Greek pederasty, in that Alex is lowkey masc4masc and that he and Mark bond over the ancient and manly sport of, er, racquetball (I don’t know, just go with it). You also have to keep Mark’s grades up to get Alex’s full ending, which is both entirely logical - Mark is trying to date his professor after all, even if he doesn’t fully get there until the semester is over and he’s ready to walk the stage - and an extension of the idealized pederastic relationship as an educational one for the beloved younger man. If you’re into that kind of thing, Alex’s route is among the better options in this game to find it.

There’s also this obscure random line, which triggers an unusual extra CG added in an update that might be pet play? It’s honestly hard to tell - and I say that as someone who likes pet play. Something you may notice in my review is that, while the five romances included in the game on initial release are all fairly mundane, the writers clearly felt more free to get weird in the later additions. 

Brad: Frat Boys Gone Wild Parts 2, 5, and 7

Do you like beefy jocks, and huge dicks, and harsh but realistic indictments of the unequal attention lavished upon athletics departments at most American universities? One of these things is not like the others, but thankfully the route knows where to place most of its priorities. This is the story that puts Mark to work in his job as a writing tutor, tasking him with saving a hunky frat boy from failing his composition class and losing his scholarship in the process. Much unlike my own time as an undergraduate writing tutor however Mark is required to make house calls, setting him on a collision course for Brad’s burgeoning homosexuality and almost getting his ass kicked by the other equally hunky - but tragically straight - members of the frat. Brad is indeed the only one of Mark’s love interests who struggles to any degree with his sexuality, but it’s a muted part of this storyline and only really comes up in one scene involving Brad’s overbearing older brother. Despite some heavier moments here and there CooT is still a lighthearted dating sim at its core, so don’t expect too much in the way of angst even for a character who under more realistic circumstances would likely have to keep his inclinations on the DL.

Where there is plenty of intensity though is in those tutoring sessions, because, well -

- Mark ends up with a serious case of blue balls from all the UST and frequent teasing of Brad’s behemoth cock. Disclaimer: despite years of professional phallus measurements, this reviewer is unable to determine if Brad’s endowment is measurably more impressive than those of the other love interests based on his CGs alone; all pronouncements to this effect may thus be taken as the hyperbole of a horny size queen.

An even bigger source of tension in this route is the cheating angle: during their first meeting Brad will attempt to pressure Mark into writing his paper for him, remarking that American football players at universities get this kind of preferential treatment all the time and that their grades are basically irrelevant. Mark can actually take him up on this offer, and end up quite a bit richer for it via a little bribery (a nice perk if you’re angling for Ian’s friendship ending). Doing so will make it impossible to obtain Brad’s good ending but will instead lead to an alternate storyline with its own set of CGs, culminating in some saucily unethical fellatio as Mark proves to Brad that he can provide just as many perks as the rival female tutor who’s been capturing the jock’s attention with blowjobs and amateur porn. Incidentally, while it very quickly ends the route I like that Mark has a dialogue option to offer those exact services to Brad in front of the other tutor. It’s almost as funny as the earlier option about rimjobs that also ends the route but results in a dream CG of the straight frat guys having their way with Mark. That’s like wish fulfillment Inception, or something.

But no, to finish this route properly you have to keep both Mark and Brad honest, and convince Brad to write his own essay with Mark’s help...and provide genuinely good help, so I hope you know the basics of how to structure an academic essay just kidding you can save scum through that stuff. Many heartwarming life lessons are learned through all-nighters, ruminations on long-term career prospects, and mutual masturbation, until at last the two of them succeed and celebrate their victory with full penetration. How exactly you prefer the penetration to go down isn’t the most intuitive set of dialogue options in the world, but bear in mind that on initial release the only possibility was Brad splitting Mark open with that ginger club swinging between his legs. As I brought up in Alex’s section, the later additions usually get rather freakier. In this case that means an extended dream sequence with football role play (which is a thing that exists, I guess?) followed by some actual sex, with Brad bottoming in both scenes and much loving detail lavished upon his meaty ass. It’s...clever, I suppose, but I think I prefer the original version. Maybe that’s just because I always thought American football uniforms looked ridiculous; where’s the sex appeal to be found with those ridiculous shoulder pads?

Ian: Oh My God They Were Roommates

Even years later I still don’t know for certain whether including Ian so casually with the other love interests counts as a minor spoiler. He’s introduced alongside Penny as Mark’s longtime roommate, and in that first scene it’s also established that he has an on-again, off-again girlfriend. I’m going to err on the side of it not being a spoiler however, because well before his route proper begins the game drops hints that there might be more to Ian than a goofy slacker best friend with appalling personal hygiene. His route progresses as might reasonably be expected from Mark’s coming out, with Ian as the fantasy gay-friendly straight guy who turns out to be not quite as straight as initially advertised. 

There’s just one very large problem with that and it’s not the size of his dick. Because Ian is first and foremost Mark’s roommate he has the privilege of appearing as a supporting character in routes other than his own, and in fact there are CGs featuring him in some of those routes. This results in Ian receiving the most overall development of any of the love interests, ranging from the oddball humor that he injects into situations all over the story to his raging and, er, adventurous libido leading to all manner of masturbatory mishaps for Mark to, most jarringly, poorly-disguised jealousy over the other love interests should Mark choose to pursue them. One would expect this to result in a fantastically fleshed-out character and an excellent foundation for a route of his own that builds off Ian’s simple charm and manic energy to craft an excellent best friend romance.

Yet...it kind of doesn’t? It took me until my most recent playthrough to appreciate this properly, but more than any of the others Ian’s route is written as the most conventionally romantic. It incorporates a host of romcom staples - UST, misunderstandings, miscommunication, more than one romantic false lead, a wedding at the end, mood lighting for its softcore bondage scene - and while most of the other routes include one or two of those elements as well this is undoubtedly the only one that ever comes close to feeling cheesy or maudlin. Unfortunately however that kind of writing just doesn’t play well with Ian’s over-the-top comic relief antics, and so for most of the latter part of his own route he comes off as oddly bland. The writing mines some jokes out of his growing jealousy of the other men Mark expresses interest in dating, and it offers Mark a devastating early sex scene bad ending opportunity in the form of Ian coming onto Mark while drunk and forcing the player to choose between a rimjob now or double oral and/or flip-fucking later. Sure, that setup and some of what comes before it plays right into who Ian is as a character - a well-meaning idiot with a lot of insecurity surrounding his relationship to Mark - but after that point whether you take the rimjob or not Ian practically fades into the role of generic romantic lead as Mark must work to repair their friendship and then guide it into uncharted territory.

To illustrate the point I’m trying to make, contrast these two CGs. The first is from Ian’s friendship ending (something only he and Penny get, based on spending time with them on weekends among other factors); the second is from his romantic ending.

Which of these images tells you more about Ian’s characterization, or about his dynamic with Mark?

I’m not going to deny that Ian has sex appeal, or that he doesn’t have a slew of genuinely funny lines all over the game’s script, or that there’s nothing satisfying in watching Mark and his best friend fall in love with each other - but it’s the lack of integration between Ian the comic relief roommate and Ian the love interest that doesn’t sit well with me. When I was reviewing Chess of Blades I name-dropped Ian in comparison to that game’s own best friend love interest Arden. I’ll do the reverse here: Ian may be sweet and a ton of fun, and there may be far more options for which pegs go into which slots in this storyline, but Arden’s character and story stick in my mind more because they’re never at odds with one another. Ian in the earlygame and outside his own route is so goofy that it’s very hard to take him seriously as someone who could be a romantic partner for Mark, and unfortunately that comes across all too well when the occasion finally arises.

[echodrops]

Kicking the Hornet’s Nest...

I’m procrastinating hard on other tasks, but in chit-chatting (both on tumblr and on Discord) about my stance on criticism of fanfiction, I realized that there’s a very low-hanging analogy I can make to explain my thoughts on this, so…

Uh first, please remember this is my personal blog and just my personal opinion. If you think that giving unsolicited concrit is the worst, I promise I’m not here to grab you individually, shake you by the shoulders, and try to change your minds. We can agree to disagree; I’m fully aware my opinion is unpopular on tumblr but also fully aware of the irony of people giving unsolicited criticism on a post about why unsolicited criticism is a good thing.

And second, please note that the analogy used below is only an analogy and not meant to be a one-to-one comparison–obviously the issue of vaccination is a far more critical, serious, and solemn issue and the topic of criticism on fanfiction (of all things) is not equal to a global health crisis that has cost real people’s lives. I’m drawing radical comparisons to thought processes because it’s shocking, not genuinely comparing fanfiction comments to moral and ethical world health decisions because I think those two things are equitable in importance.

Uh and third, please don’t respond unless you’re going to read it all. I'm happy to take your constructive criticism after you're finished with the whole thing. I get so tired of people rushing to my inbox after only getting half way through my arguments–90% of the time, I already addressed the thing you wanted to come yell at me about and you just didn’t make it there, promise.

So, at the risk of pissing off just about everyone who thought they respected me before this:

The current anti-concrit mindset stems from a similar logic to the one used by anti-vaxxers.

(This analogy lasts a grand total of five paragraphs or something, don’t get your jimmies too rustled.)

Most people on tumblr are happy–downright gleeful–to mock anti-vaxxers. The average anti-vaxxer is considered close-minded, self-centered, and under-educated. Although the issue of anti-vaxxing is probably more complicated than we paint it here on this website (to be fair, I wouldn’t know if it’s more complicated, since I agree that anti-vaxxers are generally stupid and don’t look into their arguments very often), almost no one on tumblr has any issue with anti-vaxxers being dragged up and down the block for their bad choices.

Usually, the logic of anti-vaxxers is understood to work something like this:

Anti-vaxxer: I don’t want to expose my child to something potentially harmful, so I am not going to vaccinate them.

Literally everyone else: You’re exposing your child to far greater risk in the long-term by not vaccinating.

Or:

Anti-vaxxer: My child doesn’t need to be vaccinated; they’re fine as they are. Those diseases aren’t a big deal anymore.

Literally everyone else: This mindset will make those diseases a big deal again.

On paper, sometimes anti-vaxxer logic works out–it is true that some children suffer very painful and awful reactions to vaccinations. It IS true that poorly made or contaminated vaccinations have killed children and will continue to do in the future. It IS true that vaccinations are painful and stressful for children in general and can even–depending on how the children respond to pain and how their doctors/nurses treat them–result in long-term phobias and health care aversion. There can be serious lasting consequences from vaccinating.

But most of us laugh in the face of anti-vaxxers. Why? Because we know that in comparison to the number of benefits, the risks are minimal. In the long-term, the number of people helped by vaccines far, far exceeds the number of people hurt.

I hope you can see where I’m going. At its core, the issue of giving unsolicited constructive criticism follows a similar pattern of short-term risk aversion. Authors who don’t want constructive criticism and choose to actively refuse it are following a similar thought process to anti-vaxxer parents:

Author: I don’t want any constructive criticism. Criticism can be painful, and my writing doesn’t need to be exposed to that.

Or:

Author: I don’t need any constructive criticism because my writing is fine as it is and I’m just doing it for fun anyway.

The general attitude seems to be that exposing fanfiction authors to unsolicited constructive criticism carries more risk than it does reward. And please be aware that I’m talking about genuinely constructive criticism here, well-intentioned and polite comments (the vaccine in this analogy), not troll comments deliberately designed to hurt people’s feelings (which would be equivalent to say, an injected contaminated drug in this analogy–no one should be okay with those).

But like anti-vaxxers who insist that the short-term risks of vaccines are more dangerous than the long-term risks of major diseases… is there really any evidence that genuinely constructive criticism, even when unsolicited, really does discourage and upset a large number of fanfiction authors? Or, more to the point of the analogy–is the number of people who would be entirely discouraged from writing ever again by some constructive criticism really greater than the number of people who would benefit from getting some (again, polite) tips for improving their writing? Which is the greater risk–being hurt in the short-term or losing out on the opportunity for growth in the long-term?

Clearly there are different opinions on this and I suspect that my opinion is heavily colored by the fact that I am older than the average tumblr user and therefore have many more years to look back on to weigh on the scales of this debate.

But I will always, always argue that the long-term benefits of helping other writers where you can far, far, far outweigh the short-term risks, for a couple reasons.

1) The world is a shitty, disappointing, stressful, and painful place. We encounter harsh criticisms every single day. Your teachers will give you poor grades. Your bosses will tell you your work isn’t up-to-par. Your friends will tell you the new top you bought and absolutely love… actually makes you look like you’re wearing a potato sack. If you’re into relationships, you’ll probably experience at least one break-up in which you hear that it’s YOU, not them, who is the problem. Your feelings will be hurt by callous comments from others an uncountable number of times. Your confidence will be shaken, if not actively crushed. I’m sorry to say it, but for almost all of us, having some miserable, anxiety-inducing and extremely discouraging moments in life is part of the unavoidable human experience. (And this is doubly, maybe triply true when we are starting out new hobbies or first entering a new field. Anyone who has ever tried to learn how to skateboard and gotten laughed at by experienced skateboarders knows exactly what I’m talking about.)

The world is full of truly awful things. And I’m not the kind of person who thinks we should just be exposed to all of them right from the get-go and fuck you and your snowflake feelings or things like that. I highly urge people to tag for triggering content and am on the record again and again telling people to block characters or ships that make them uncomfortable.

But many fanfiction authors are young authors, some of whom are posting work for public consumption for the very first time. Still more have no positive experiences with constructive criticism in the first place, and the extent of their literary criticism knowledge comes from really awful and boring high school English classes. When budding writers encounter a sudden explosion of access to readers–from having maybe one or two friends read their work to suddenly having their words in front of the eyes of thousands of strangers on the internet:

It’s disingenuous to give starting writers nothing but positive feedback. Only hearing positives about your work actively discourages change and self-reflection. It gives writers an unrealistic picture of their work that can result in far more serious disappointment and embarrassment later. When someone is awful at singing and they’re only told how nice their voice is, eventually when they sing for a more serious group of strangers, they’re going to be in for a very, very miserable time.

It’s a terrible missed opportunity for young writers to get a glimpse of what “professional” writing is like. Everyone benefits from genuinely constructive criticism–both the person getting it and the person giving it. We create young writers who are passionate about improving their writing by inducting them into the culture of planning, drafting, bouncing ideas off each other, finding beta readers, and taking others’ advice to grow their abilities, and oftentimes, one of the first experiences a person has with that process is someone spontaneously going “Hey, what if you tried this instead?” People often become inspired to become doctors and nurses after witnessing a family member experience a medical crisis–people often become inspired to become writers after receiving thorough feedback on things they have written. It’s impossible to really know whether or not you want a piece of constructive criticism until after you have heard what the criticism is, and adopting a “no unsolicited constructive criticism” policy as a whole creates an entire generation of fan writers who would miss out on opportunities for growth and inspiration.

This is waxing REALLY philosophical, but bear with me here, because this is also a well-documented concern of mine: we are entering an age in which people are no longer responsible for the media choices they make, where the internet is no longer viewed as a the equivalent of yelling into a crowd of (potentially dangerous) strangers, and the onus for protection is shifting away from self-preservation “I need to not put myself near upsetting things” to “other people have the responsibility not to expose me to upsetting things.” I’ve seen a lot of people say “If authors want constructive criticism on their fics, they can just say that in a note!” My ladies. My guys. My non-binary buddies. This is the utter opposite of how the internet functions. When you put anything on the internet, you are literally putting it before a crowd of an absolutely uncountable number of strangers and there are no rules (barring the laws of their home countries) dictating how they can respond to the things you put out there. Posting your writing on the internet is explicit consent to receive constructive criticism from anyone at any time unless you take actions to prevent that in advance. Sites like AO3 actively grant you the power to dictate who can SEE your work, comment on your work, give you the power to remove messages, screen comments before they appear, block comments entirely, or simply write in any of your notes sections that you do not want constructive criticism. (If it’s that easy to write “I want constructive criticism!” why is not seen as equally easy to write “I do not want constructive criticism!”?)

Public spaces on the internet are opt out, not opt in.

Why do many (though lord knows, not all) tumblr users easily agree to the idea of “If you don’t like a ship, you should just block it” or “If you see properly tagged content you don’t like on AO3 and you click it, that’s your own fault for not reading the tags,” but have the complete opposite mindset when it comes to constructive criticism? “I’m submitting my work in a public place where anyone can express their opinion on it… But even though there are multiple tools at my disposal for discouraging and blocking opinions I don’t agree with, it’s actually other people’s responsibility not to say anything that might upset me.”

As I said, waxing philosophical here, but this is kind of a scary mindset. The ability to enter a public space–and the internet is the MOST public space in the world–and then declare that you simply don’t want to listen to dissenting opinions is scary. I mean, this is how we get a common anti-vaxxer mindset–I don’t want to listen to your opinion because I have my source telling me I’m right and that’s all I need. “I put my work out in a public place and left it accessible to everyone, but I don’t want to listen to what everyone says about it.” I don’t mean to jump off the slippery slope, but this issue is a slippery slope in and of itself. Down this way lies a dark future. “It’s other people’s responsibility to curate my social experience for me.”

But really, after all this… I just flat out think it’s important to give genuinely constructive criticism to each other without people needing to ask for it because it just kind of sucks to see a fellow writer struggling with something and not say something about it. It’s not about feeling superior or thinking you know better than someone else; we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and spotting something that could use a bit of work in someone else’s writing doesn’t make you a better writer, it just means that’s not your particular weakness. When someone is struggling to learn to swim, you don’t just leave them to their own devices and assume they’ll figure it out–even if they swear they’ve got it. When someone is learning to sew and you, who has sewed that exact thing before, don’t offer any advice, that’s not encouragement, it’s apathy. There will be many, many, many times in your life where you did not know you needed advice. Where you did not know HOW to ask for advice. Where you might have known you needed advice but not really wanted to admit that. Where you might have known you needed advice and been too shy to ask for help. Where a piece of advice completely from the blue changes the course of your life. Fandom as a whole–fan creators as a whole–cannot become a culture that closes the door to that vital form of communication, rejects willingness to not only uplift but also help each other grow even when we least expect it.

Anyway, I’m literally just writing this to avoid real responsibilities, but the point I’m trying to make is:

Most writers, even very young writers, will not be discouraged by polite, well-intentioned criticism. They may not like it. They may not take any of the criticism to heart, but most people, even young people, are far more resilient than tumblr (which on the best of days is a negative feedback loop that can romanticize a victim mindset because having the saddest backstory makes you immune to cancellation) wants to give them credit for, and a vast majority of writers will not be traumatized or scared away from writing by people trying to offer them genuine advice. Remember, no one here is advocating for asshole trolls who post comments like “Your writing sucks and you should delete your account.” A majority of writers, even very young writers, will be able to weather the storms and tosses of even really rudely-worded advice and recover. Sometimes it might take a while, but human beings have survived as a species because we’re really, really persevering.

(But some people aren’t! you might say. Some people really will give up writing if they’re criticized! And you’d be correct. There are people who will give up, even if all they are faced with is a single gentle, well-intentioned piece of criticism. But the truth is… People give up on hobbies for all kinds of reasons! Not every hobby is for every person! Every hobby carries with it its own challenges, its own share of risks, and its own pains. Learning a new hobby consistently requires putting yourself out of your comfort zone. Wanna learn how to ride a snowboard? You will get bruised. Wanna learn how to play chess? You will lose. Wanna learn to draw? Someone will make fun of your early drawings. You will make fun of your own early drawings. Wanna post your writing on a public platform? Someday, someone is going to say they’re not a fan.

And that leads me to address the point that just keeps coming up and coming up in this issue: People aren’t always posting their fics to improve as writers! A lot of times people are posting for just fun or for personal reasons.

Yeahhhhh bullshit. No, no, hang on–I don’t mean that people don’t have fun writing and posting fics, or that fics can’t help you through traumatic experiences because everything I’ve ever posted is basically me dealing with my own personal shit–what I mean is that there’s always an additional dimension to posting your fics on large-scale public websites. People write stories and share them with their friend groups for fun. People write characters overcoming trauma and share them with their therapists (or the friends who help to fill that role) for healing. People post their stories publicly, where anyone can respond, for validation on top of their fun and healing. There are ways to hide your fics entirely on many sites. You can leave things in drafts. If a fic is appearing as unmoderated and open to the public on a major fic site such as AO3, Wattpad, ff.net, etc., it’s because that fic’s author wants responses from others! They want views. They want subscribes. They want kudos. They want comments. There’s literally no reason to post publicly except for your work to be viewed by the public.

The fun one has writing a fic is often tied directly to the thrill of seeing a comment or kudos notification pop-up in your inbox. We love seeing people enjoy our fics–it absolutely makes my day when someone sends me a message telling me they re-read my fic for the third time.

It’s NOT fun to write something and get no response.

Writing something and getting no response is actively discouraging, actually.

So whenever someone says “They’re not writing fics to improve as writers; they’re just doing it for fun!” I have to laugh a bit–because when the concept of “fun with fanfiction” is tied so closely to the experience of having your work viewed and enjoyed by others, the fastest and surest way to increase the fun you have with your fanfics… is to improve as a writer. The more you write, the more you improve. The more you improve, the more loyal readers you gain. The more loyal readers you gain, the more excited people you have to gush about your fics with. Want a Discord server full of people willing to help you brainstorm ideas for your favorite AU? Write well, attract followers. Want fanart of your writing, probably the most fun and exciting thing I can think of as an author? Write well. Just plain old want more friends in the fandom to talk about your favorite characters and fic ideas with? Make writer friends.

People have fun writing about their favorite characters and post publicly to receive responses and validation for their creations… Responses increase the fun writers have because they make the hard work of writing worth it and give you people to keep writing for and with… Improving your writing increases the number of people attracted to your works and the number of people willing to spend time responding to them… The bigger the response you get, the more invested you become in your fics, the more fandom friends you make, and the more you want to write–it’s a process that is self-fulfilling, but also one that exposes you to criticism by its very nature. The very act of seeking responses from readers means that you’re open to responses that you don’t necessarily want to hear.

And I actually don’t mean this in the way of “If you can’t handle the heat, don’t jump into the fire.” What I mean is that it is impossible to create a world in which everyone who starts writing sticks with the hobby and keeps churning out works for us to enjoy forever. It is impossible to create a world in which no young writer will ever feel discouraged and give up. The writer you decided not to give constructive criticism to might just as easily become discouraged and quit writing because they didn’t receive enough response.

The first time you give your child a new vaccine, you cannot predict the results. Your child might suffer an allergic reaction. They might die. Every year, numerous severe reactions to vaccines do occur. But the majority of people don’t question the effectiveness of vaccines because we understand that the number of people who have severe reactions is very low in comparison to the number of people who benefit from the vaccine. The number of people who will be discouraged from writing by genuine, polite, constructive criticism is minuscule in comparison to the number of people who will either 1) benefit from it directly and be thankful you gave it, 2) not benefit but not be upset by it, 3) be mildly upset by it but then benefit, or 4) just be mildly upset by itself and then move on with life unharmed because sometimes people say things we don’t like but that doesn’t ruin our lives every single time it happens.

I’m not saying that providing polite constructive criticism doesn’t have risks, just that its risks are smaller than its benefits.

And I’ve successfully whittled enough time away with this now that I can go to sleep without guilt over the things I didn’t finish, but I started this by saying the long-term benefits outweighed the short-term risks and I feel obligated to defend that…

The long-term benefits of well-placed constructive criticism are enormous. Sometimes people need ego checks. Sometimes we need wake-up calls. Sometimes we need a gentle helping hand and didn’t even realize other people could be the help we needed. Sometimes we need a reason to get fired up–even if that reason is spite, trying to prove a critic wrong! Sometimes the answer is glaring us in the face and we don’t notice until someone else points it out. Sometimes we just plain out make mistakes. Sometimes we need a teacher because the ones in school let us down. Sometimes (oftentimes) other people bring incredibly unique perspectives to our stories that we would never have been open to on our own. Sometimes we write something unintentionally hurtful and need some gentle correction. Sometimes we could be having a lot more fun if we knew the tips and tricks others had to offer. Sometimes improving ourselves is hard but worth it. Sometimes bitter medicine is the only thing that will cure an ailment.

Shots hurt. People avoid them because they aren’t fun–what parent wants to expose their child to the painful, stressful situation of getting stabbed with needles? (What parent looks forward to the yearly flu shot themselves?)

We naturally flinch back from criticism. There are many times when we swear we don’t want it, don’t need it, can’t bear it! In the moment, it is incredibly difficult to be confronted with someone basically implying that you should change something integral to yourself–your art. No one likes to feel like they’re being picked apart for weaknesses, definitely not.

But sometimes a single comment can make a massive difference in your life–even when you didn’t want it at first.

All my life, I have been helped along by teachers, family, and friends who refused to settle for patting me on the back. The people who mean the most to me, who I most credit with getting me where I am today, are not the people who just told me I was good at things. They’re the people who told me I was good at things BUT. They people who challenged me to not just sail through life or even coast in my hobbies, content with the level I entered on–they’re the people who had faith in me and trust that I could refine my skills, could have even more fun IF I took that next step, challenged myself to go a bit harder… They’re the people who took the time not just to skim over my writing and slap a thumbs up on it, but the people who thought hard enough about it go: “This story was good, but have you thought about…”

Today, I’m a professor of English because I started writing fanfiction when I was 11 years old. Because I started posting fanfiction when I was 13. Because at 14 years old, someone–without being asked–taught me the correct way to format dialogue and how to strengthen my dialogue tags. Because at 15, someone flat out laughed to tears at a cliche metaphor I’d extended too far and I was ashamed, but they taught me something else to try instead. Because by 18, I’d received–and taken–enough unsolicited writing advice to land myself the highest paying on-campus tutoring job my university offered. Because by 19, someone challenged me to write something I told them was impossible for me. Because by 20, that impossible writing became the sample that got me accepted to grad school. Because by 21, I was furious enough at the criticism I received from my creative writing masters classmates to write a thesis so feverishly overwhelming that it inspired one of the foremost postmodern poets in the country. Because by 27, it was brutally honest criticism that gave me the gall to finally leave an abusive job and apply for a teaching position. Because by 30, I got to sit at a public literary journal volume launch and watch an entire class of my creative writing students become published authors.

And even though I joked about why I was writing this, and even though I’m really not, at the heart of it, trying to persuade any one person over to my side, I hope it’s clear how much of a labor of love this post is. How passionate I am about this topic.

This whole thing is a drawn-out plea: Please, do not let fandom creation sites become a place where no one offers advice unless it is begged for. Do not miss your chance to help someone else improve. Do not close the door to criticism that could change your life. Do not let fear of short-term discouragement prevent you from seeking long-term growth. Do not let the immediate side effects cloud your view of the global benefits.

Inoculate yourselves with good advice as a shield against the very hard future.

A dearth of criticism will not make fandom a better place. It will just make it a quieter one.

[togetherwearerapture]

Awake (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Summary: As Naveen Banerji’s life and Elle Valentine’s future hang in the balance, neither Ethan or Elle are getting much sleep.  (Set between Chapter 16 and 17)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Elle Valentine)

Warnings: ANGST, reference to sexual scenes but not specifically described.

Notes: YIKES this is my first EVER fic, for anything and I’m SO NERVOUS!! So please let me know what you all think and if you want to be tagged in any future ones, because I have a few ideas planned for our fave Ethan Ramsey and MC! I started writing this after chapter 16 and aimed to finish before the finale, it didn’t happen but I needed to unload some of the heavy angst that was hanging between the two. Hope you enjoy anyway! (2297 words)

------------------------------------------

“Are you awake?”

“Yes”

Almost instantly came a follow up message, as Ethan should’ve expected.

“Is Naveen okay?”

He could sense her urgency just through the text, and quickly typed out a reply.

“Still the same, his vitals have been stable all night. Don’t worry. You should be asleep.”

Ethan was sitting on the sofa opposite Naveen, who was sleeping deeply in his armchair. There were no sounds in the little river house except his comatose mentor’s soft breathing, the gentle beeping of the monitoring equipment, and the steady tick of the clock on the wall. 1.13am.

“I can’t. Just can’t switch off.”

Just as Ethan had thought. It was why he had text her in the first place. He had been picturing her laying in bed, staring at her ceiling as the minutes and hours until the hearing inched ever closer. And more than anything, right now, he just wanted to hear her voice.

“Do you want to call?”

“Yes.”

Ethan smiled to himself and pressed dial. Elle picked up straight away.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I’m glad Naveen’s stable. I’ve been worrying about him all night.”

“You should be worrying about the hearing instead, Rookie,” he said, then cursed internally at how it must have sounded. “I mean, not worrying, preparing. Focused on. Sorry,” he spluttered quickly.

“It’s okay, I know what you meant,” chuckled Elle softly. Ethan heard her sigh. “But I should be. And I have. I’ve been worrying about the hearing too. But now I feel like I’ve just been worried about everything non-stop, and my brain doesn’t have the energy to be worried anymore. I just feel kinda…numb.”

On her last word, her voice broke a little, and it pained Ethan to hear a small sniff in the few seconds of silence that followed.

“Elle,” he began. “You can’t let this get to you. Sure that asshole Nash will be baying for your blood, and a few of his ass-licking, big-pharma-licking Attendings, but you’ve got so many doctors on your side too. And your patients. You’ve saved their lives. So many have seen your work, your compassion, your intelligence and skill. You’ve got a strong defence.”

“I guess so,” whispered Elle. “And I have you.”

Ethan remembered the promise he made her the previous night, to be there for her, as she lay in his arms.  

“Yes,” Ethan murmured softly, “you have me.”

After a few seconds Ethan heard another small sniff, and felt another pang in his chest. He knew any words of comfort he had to offer her could never take her pain away completely, and wished so desperately that he could abolish the hearing altogether.

“I wish I could hold you.”

The words slipped out his mouth effortlessly, and he realised he had never said anything along those lines to anyone before. But it just felt right. Perhaps the lateness of the hour and the stress of Naveen and the hearing had ebbed away at any walls that Ethan had up.

“I wish you could too. I miss you, Ethan.”

The last part of her sentence was less than a whisper, barely audible, and Ethan could hear the tears in her voice. Suddenly, Ethan became aware of some of his own rolling down his cheek.

He was on edge with Naveen laying before him. It could all go wrong at any moment. His stats could plummet suddenly if the encephalitis took a hold. But he was exhausted. And god, he wanted her. It had only been a few hours since she had gone home, but what was the point of lying, or pretending? He yearned for her. For her presence, her touch, her voice, her feel. He yearned for her so much his heart hurt.

“I miss you too, Elle,” he said, his eyes beginning to well up. “I miss you so damn much.”

The tears burned his eyes and his cheeks, but somehow it felt good, cathartic almost. He hadn’t expected to cry, but here he was, and it felt good to just let them come. It was as if a damn had broken. There were no more walls to keep up, no more feelings to smother away deep in his core, the weight of them eating away at him. His hot tears seemed to melt away his steely defence, and let him just feel. Never before had he been engulfed with so much emotion; he could be about to lose Naveen, and Elle could lose her whole career.

His free hand clutched the edge of the sofa as if clinging to life itself, his knuckles turning white. His fingers pressed hard into the edge of his phone, shaking. He so badly wanted to be with her and hold her. Whenever he held her, things felt right.

All the times she had taken his hand or taken him into her arms when he thought he would break down, when he thought his knees would give way and his resolve would fall into the earth. Her floral blossom scent would engulf him with an intoxicating mix of both comfort and desire, the feel of her silky golden hair against his cheek, the softness of her small hands in his own. She had no idea how much he wanted her, needed her.

“I wish we could just go back to last night,” Elle said, and Ethan could hear the smile in her voice now. “I was so happy last night. I couldn’t remember the last time I was that happy.”

Ethan remembered just over 24 hours ago, at the ecstasy that they had experienced together. For just a night, all the pain in their worlds was forgotten. Naveen wasn’t dying, Teresa Martinez wasn’t dead, and there was no hearing. There was just them.

Ethan closed his eyes and swore he could feel her soft, full lips on his, her tongue in his mouth. He could feel her slender body under his roving hands, her peachy backside, her full breasts. The feel of her warm thighs around him as he carried her to the bedroom, her sweet, delicious taste as he devoured her against the cool glass, and the feel of finally, finally, being inside her.

“God, me too,” Ethan murmured, still half-wallowing in his glorious memories of last night. “It feels like a different world.”

“I know what you mean,” replied Elle. “I can’t believe it happened, but it did, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it did.”

Ethan had to remind himself that it really did. He had finally made love to the most beautiful, exquisite woman he had ever laid eyes on, and cared for so deeply. In the midst of all the misery of both their lives, it hardly seemed possible to experience such euphoria in the madness.

“Was it real?” whispered Elle.

“Elle? What do you mea-”

“Are you real, Ethan?”

Her words, thick with emotion, caught him off guard. Before he could respond, however, Elle spoke.

“I’m sorry,” she chuckled, “It just made me so happy, it didn’t even seem possible.”

There were a few moments of silence, before Elle spoke again.

“I wish we could just run away. After tomorrow, when I lose my license. Start our early retirement off with a bang,” Elle laughed bitterly.

Ethan wanted to chide her and reassure her that everything would be fine, that she wouldn’t lose her licence. But somehow, in that moment, his longing to do just as she said and run away together won precedence.

“Where would we go?”

Elle paused.

“There’s a painting on my wall…well, my painting actually. Of Tuscany.”

“Your painting? I didn’t know you painted?” said Ethan, surprised.

“Yeah, well I used to. I loved it. I guess medical school didn’t allow much time for leisurely activities. And definitely not here in Boston.”

“Do you have any more?”

“More what?”

“Paintings. I want to see them.”

“Oh!” said Elle, surprised. “Okay. Hang on.”

Ethan heard a few muffled sounds at the other end of the phone, the sound of a light switching on, and the sound of pages turning.

“Here…” she said.

Ethan’s phone buzzed softly, and he opened up their text conversation. Elle had sent him pictures of her paintings, in a modestly-sized artbook. He smiled at them in awe, Elle’s paintings of nature and scenery. Even through the dim resolution of the photos, Ethan could see how beautiful they were.

“I mean, they’re not great, they’re quite rushed and I never did it professionally or anyth-”

“They’re beautiful,” Ethan cut her off. “Really, they are. You should make time to paint more. And stop putting yourself down.”

“Oh,” Elle breathed softly. “I, um, thank you.”

“Can I see the one on your wall?”

“Sure. One sec.”

Moments, later, Elle pinged through a photo of the painting on her wall. Hung in what must’ve been no bigger than an A3-sized frame, was a field of bright yellow sunflowers.

“I should’ve known,” Ethan chuckled.

“What?” said Elle, her tone etched with a little wariness.

“Sunflowers. Your favourite flower.”

It was meant to come out as a question, but was more a statement.

“How did you know that?”

“Simple observation,” smiled Ethan, remembering how he had ordered her the Espresso Romano in the coffee shop. “Sunny, yellow, warm, bright and beautiful. Very you, Rookie.”

“You charmer, you,” Elle murmured happily.

“So you painted it in Tuscany?”

“Oh, god no,” Elle laughed. “I’m afraid my artistic muse was borne solely from Google Images. I’ve never been to Italy. But I’ve heard the sunflower fields in Tuscany stretch as far as you can see, it’s just a sea of yellow.” She sighed wistfully.

“A woman after my own heart,” chuckled Ethan. “But Italy is a beautiful country. Steeped in so much rich history too. Pompeii, the Colosseum, Pisa, the Teatro dell’Opera…”

Ethan trailed off, remembering the intimacy and the anguish of the opera they had attended together not so long ago.

“We should go together,” Elle interrupted his thoughts, her voice with a sudden degree of boldness and certainty that took Ethan by surprise. And yet, it made him smile.

“I’d like that, Elle.”

There were a few moments of silence, both of them lost in their thoughts about what that would mean, to run away together. Suddenly, Elle gave a tiny, stifled yawn.

“I heard that yawn, Rookie,” Ethan said sternly. “If you’re tired now, you need to sleep,” he added, more gently.

“I know,” she murmured. “But is Naveen ok?”

“He’s stable, don’t worry. I should run a couple of tests soon anyway.”

“Okay, you do that, I don’t want to keep you from him. But, Ethan?”

“Yeah?”

“Will you stay on the phone with me? Just as I fall asleep. You don’t have to talk, or anything. I just think it might help me drift off.”

There was such a vulnerability to her voice, it moved Ethan.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Ethan heard her get out of bed and switch the light off, then the shuffling of the duvet as she slipped back into bed.

“Goodnight, Ethan.”

“Goodnight, Elle.”

------------------------------------------------

The minutes passed by, as Ethan crouched by the sleeping form of his mentor, quietly running tests. His phone sat by the monitoring equipment, the gentle beeping of the machines not evoking any noise from the other end of the line.

Ethan paced around as the minutes turned into hours. He glanced up at Naveen’s wall clock. 3.36am.

The pacing seemed to make him all the more anxious, so Ethan picked up his phone and flopped back down onto the sofa. He pressed the phone to his ear, listening intently. He could make out the sound of Elle’s soft, gentle breathing, and it relaxed him.

“Elle?” he breathed, quietly as he could.

There was no response. Ethan was glad she had fallen into a deep sleep, and would have at least a few hours of rest before the hearing. He hoped she was dreaming of warm sunflower fields.

“Naveen’s bloods are looking good,” he whispered into the phone. It felt natural and comforting to talk to her, even if there was no response. “I think the phage is working. He could wake up at any time. But I don’t want to get ahead of myself, just in case..”

He sighed, suddenly feeling the tsunami of exhaustion wash over his body. He closed his eyes.

“You know, I can’t believe you figured it out. I’m sorry I didn’t say much earlier, when that Olsen was in the room. But…thank you. You’re brilliant. So incredible. I can’t thank you enough.”

The words tumbled out of his mouth, awash with fatigue. He hardly even knew if he was still awake, or slipping into the realms of unconsciousness, but he kept talking.

“Even if he…he doesn’t make it. You let him be happy. And if he pulls through…you’re the reason he’s alive. You’re the best thing that could have happened to Naveen. And…you’re the best thing that could have happened to me.”

Ethan felt another tear trickle down his cheek.

“I love you, Elle.”

His eyes snapped open. Did he really say that out loud? Did she hear? She couldn’t have done, she was surely deeply asleep, she hadn’t said a word since goodnight. He had never said those words to anyone, god, he hadn’t even felt that way towards anyone. And yet suddenly, effortlessly, he said them.

He said them to her.

The initial panic beginning to subside, Ethan suddenly realised that it was true. And suddenly a warmth filled his body, battling away all the anger and loneliness and loss that he’d kept imprisoned within him for so many years. Love.

No matter what happened in the next few hours, he loved her. He loved Elle Valentine, and somehow, that made Ethan know that everything would be okay.

[pufflyhallows]

Professional Players

Pairing: Oliver Wood x reader

Request: Hello!!! I was wondering, if you're up for it, to write for Oliver Wood. Problem is I don't even know what I want really. I want something with feels and fluff, but I want something that is so Oliver, but he is so in his feels like do you see his feels for Quidditch?? Anyways, if the reader could be a year younger? To really give him another level of caring like guiding through life kind of way..I don't know my boyfriend brought something like that up the other day and Oliver seems to fit that.

a/n: I hope this is close to what you wanted! thanks again for requesting, I really enjoyed writing this one and I hope you enjoy reading it just as much <3

Summary: Oliver needs help to decide the next move on his career and you’re there for him. 

Warnings: none

Word count: 3,109

*******

Quidditch. What a lovely word. It brings so many emotions to your core whenever you hear it. Excitement, happiness, euphoria, joy, sometimes anger, but mostly love. The reason why that word is so dear to you is that it reminds you of the sweetest person you know. Your boyfriend.

Being in a relationship with a boy rather… obsessed with Quidditch is a patience exercise. In the beginning, you didn’t really like the sport, but you learned to love it just like him. And everything was so much more fun once you two started enjoying it together.

When you first saw him play after you started dating, the sport became something so wild. You never thought you could flinch and gasp as much as you did that day. The concern and fear of him getting hurt were all too real. He had been seriously hurt before and you were afraid it could happen again. But it didn’t. It never did. As he liked to say, you were his lucky charm.

Oliver was a very focused and determined boy. A little stubborn too. That particular trait of his character caused a few fights throughout your relationship, but nothing you two couldn’t work out. He had many qualities that you cherished. He was understanding, supportive, caring and kind. Oliver was perfect.

You weren’t any different through his eyes. You were the best thing that ever happened to him and he always liked to make sure you knew it.

One lazy Sunday afternoon, you were sitting by the fireplace and reading a random book you had found in the Common Room. There weren’t many students around since most of them would go out and enjoy the sunny free day instead of staying inside.

‘Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,  that I shall say good night till it be morrow.’

It was a very sad and tragic story. It must’ve been a muggle book.

“Did you know Puddlemere United is Dumbledore’s favorite team?” your boyfriend asked as he sat on the couch, dragging you away from the world you were immersed in.

“Oh, hey!” you greeted him, “How was practice? And no, I didn’t.”

“It was nice. Listen, they’ve just sent me this,” he handed you an envelope and you frowned.

“Who?”

He pointed at the information written on the paper and you gasped.

“Puddlemere United!” your eyes widened, “Is this…?”

“Read it,” Oliver spoke through an amused smirk.

Greetings, Mr. Wood.

We have followed your performance and ability development throughout the years and we’ve concluded your profile is exactly what we look for in our players.

The Puddlemere United Team would be honored to have you in the position of reserve Keeper, gracing us with your skills and experience in field.

Please take your time to make your decision and don’t hesitate to contact us. We hope you join our team as soon as you finish your studies.

Best regards, Jacob Winston Puddlemere United’s Manager

“Oh my God, Oliver!” you looked at him with the biggest smile, “This is amazing!”

You rushed into his arms and hugged him tightly.

“I’m so proud of you,” you whispered in his ear.

“Thank you, love,” he smiled as you sat back, “But I also got this.”

Oliver took the Puddlemere United letter from your hand and gave you another envelope.

You opened it feeling curious.

Dear, Mr. Wood.

It is with great pleasure that I write to offer you the position of reserve Keeper in the Chudley Cannons’ Team. After several months of keeping up with your progress and training, we’ve decided you are the best option for us.

We hope you accept our invitation and join us as soon as possible. The Chudley Cannons look forward to your reply.

Sincerely, Ragmar Dorkins Chudley Cannons’ Manager

You laughed. Your boyfriend was one of the most talented people you’ve ever met, so it wasn’t a surprise that two famous teams wanted him to be part of them. Still, you laughed nervously.

“I… don’t know what to say,” you looked at him, “This is more than amazing.”

“I’m still trying to process it,” he chuckled, “It’s so surreal.”

“I am so, so proud of you, Oliv. Congratulations,” you hugged him again. This time, tears of joy insisted to overflow your eyes and you took your time before sitting back.

“Thank you,” Oliver replied in a choked voice. Now that was a surprise.

“Are you… Are you crying, love?” you asked as you reached out and gently placed a hand on his cheek.

“Y-Yeah, sorry,” he rubbed his eyes before the tears could fall down.

“What? Don’t be sorry! I’m just... surprised,” you chuckled lightly and caressed his face with your thumb, “You’re emotional. That’s completely normal. Don’t suppress it.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” he sighed relieved that you weren’t judging him. You never did, why would you?

You hugged him one more time.

“So…” you sat straight, “Which one are you choosing?”

“I have no idea yet,” he admitted.

“Well, you know I don’t know much about sports, but I can help,” you offered.

“That would be great. Thanks again, doll,” he gave you a shy smile.

“But let’s relax for now. I can see you’re tense,” you lay back on the sofa and pulled him to lie on top of you.

“I am, actually. I’m nervous too,” Oliver spoke against your neck, giving you a tingling sensation.

“Everything is going to be just fine,” you whispered as you started running your fingers up and down his back, “I’m sure we’ll find the answers you need and you’ll make the right decision.”

“I really hope so.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day after Oliver received his letters, you were already in the library doing your research. You found very interesting books that gave you very interesting information, but you were still struggling to figure out how it could help you.

You read about both teams’ histories and all about the leagues and cups. By the end of the day, you finally truly understood Quidditch and you sensed you had the answers your boyfriend needed.

Feeling happy and excited, you left the library and headed back to the Common Room.

Oliver was chatting with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley when you approached him with an optimistic look on your face.

“Hi,” you greeted the three boys.

“Hey! Where were you?” Oliver asked curiously.

“At the library. I know all the Quidditch fouls now,” you joked.

“Oh, really?” he smiled at you, “Well, Ron was telling me about why I should choose the Cannons.”

“They’re simply the best team to ever exist,” Ron said matter-of-factly.

“But they haven’t won the League since 1892,” you reasoned.

“They haven’t?” Oliver seemed surprised, “But at least they were fourth in 1992.”

“Actually, they were ninth,” you corrected him politely.

Your boyfriend looked at you in a way he had never done before. He seemed… shocked, and slightly embarrassed.

“So what?” Ron protested, “That doesn’t mean they’re not a good team.”

“I’m pretty sure it d-“

“You’re right, Ron,” Oliver interrupted you, “Now if you excuse us, Y/N and I need to talk.”

“Bye,” you waved at the two boys as you followed your boyfriend to his dorm.

“I think Ron is a bit deluded,” you commented once you were alone with Oliver.

“Yeah. Listen, were you reading about Chudley Cannons at the library?” the boy asked and you nodded, “Y/N! You didn’t have to.”

“Of course I did! I told you I would help.”

“But you spent the whole day there. I thought you were studying important things.”

“This is important, Oliv. It’s your future.”

“You didn’t have to, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes. Your boyfriend’s stubbornness was the only annoying thing about him.

“Do you wanna know what I found out?” you proposed before that little discussion could become another silly fight.

Oliver looked at you quite hesitantly before giving a positive response.

“Cannons’ motto is ‘Let's all just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best’,” you said. 

“What? I thought it was ‘We shall conquer’.”

“It was. They changed it in 1972.”

“Oh, Merlin. Why didn’t I know that?”

“Because the Chudley Cannons are usually on the background and you focus on teams like Montrose Magpies, Wimbourne Wasps, and Puddlemere United,” you explained, “In other words, winners.”

“Well, it’s true that the Chudley Cannons don’t make as many appearances as the ones you’ve mentioned, but… Ron told me they have won the League 21 times,” Oliver argued, “And Puddlemere United won 22 times. It isn’t a big difference.”

“Ron is right, the Cannons did win 21 times,” you nodded, “But the last one was in 1892 like I said downstairs. And they never won the European Cup, while Puddlemere United won two times.”

“Okay,” Oliver sat on his bed, “So you want me to choose Puddlemere United?”

“I want you to choose, so I’m telling you the facts,” you shrugged, “The Chudley Cannons won the Josef Wronski Award for Excellent Pitch Skills in 1931. They’re not as bad as I may have implied.”

You swallowed hard. You wanted him to choose Puddlemere. The Cannons were known for their ill luck and you wanted your boyfriend to be happy and successful. But you also wanted him to make his own decision.

Oliver chuckled, which made you frown and cross your arms silently.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” you replied, “but I don’t understand.”

“I’m just in shock. How can I be so lucky?”

You didn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue.

“When you said you were going to help me, I thought you were just going to listen to me and… I don’t know, talk. I didn’t think you would spend the day at the library and come back as a human encyclopedia. I don’t deserve that, Y/N. You really didn’t have to.”

“Stop saying that, Oliver! It’s your career we’re talking about. I know how important it is to you,” you sat next to him, “And it is important to me too. You don’t think your happiness matters to me?”

“Actually, no. I didn’t think it mattered that much,” he confessed as he put one arm around your shoulder and pulled you close enough for him to kiss your forehead, “Thank you, Y/N. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, silly,” you gave him a soft kiss on the lips, “And stop thinking that I don’t care about you.”

“I never thought that. It’s just… I hadn’t realized how much you cared and I’m glad to know it’s almost just as much as I care about you.”

“Almost?” you giggled.

“Love, trust me. No one will ever care about someone as much as I care about you. It’s impossible.”

“Aw, stop,” you hid your face on your hands and you both laughed.

Oliver moved your hands away from your face and kissed you. He kissed you gently, in a tender way that made you feel every inch of your body alive. He had that power of making you feel like you owned the world every time he put his hands on you.

“Next year, I will be the reserve Keeper of the Puddlemere United’s Team,” your boyfriend stated, revealing his choice. 

“And I’ll be here, missing you but also rooting for you every single day,” you smiled sadly but feeling really proud of him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“C’mon, Y/N!” Layla knocked on your dorm’s door, “You said we would meet in the common room in five minutes! It’s been fifteen bloody minutes!”

“I’m coming!” you yelled back as you put on your earrings. 

The Yule Ball was something you weren’t quite excited about. The Triwizard Tournament was cool and you liked it! But the ball itself... kind of made you feel sad. You wished so badly that Oliver was there with you. How would he react if he saw you in that dress? 

You didn’t want to go initially, but your best friend Layla insisted so much that you gave in. She was really happy about that ball. Of course she was! If you had your boyfriend with you like she did, you would be happy too. 

“I’m here,” you said in a very emotionless tone after you left your dorm and met your friend outside.

“Gee, girl. Cheer up! We’re gonna have fun!” she smiled excitedly, “And, oh my God, you look stunning!”

“Thanks,” you gave her a tiny smile back, “You too.”

Layla intertwined her arm with yours and pulled you gently but firmly towards the Great Hall, where the ball would take place.

Would he like your dress? You knew Oliver was doing more important things at that exact moment, but you couldn’t stop imagining his reaction. Would he notice you were wearing the ring he gave you before leaving Hogwarts? 

“Hello? Is Y/N there?” Layla called and you realized you two were standing at the Great Hall entrance, “Are you okay, babe?”

“Yeah, I just...” you sighed, “wish he was here.”

“I know,” she replied in a very odd tone, looking at you with a weird expression. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“Nope,” she looked away, “I m-mean, nothing.”

You frowned at her. She was hiding something. 

“Hey, beautiful,” a boy approached Layla and threw his arm around her waist, pulling her for a kiss. And a very eager one. You felt really uncomfortable. 

“I think I’m gonna go in now,” you said while they still kissed, “The opening is about to start and... you’re not listening.”

You walked away feeling upset. Layla had promised she wouldn’t forget about you as soon as her boyfriend appeared. But she did, like always. 

Inside, the Great Hall didn’t look like the usual big room with four long tables. The decoration looked so lovely and all the students seemed so happy that you felt a tiny little sparkle of joy inside your chest. The energy on the room was quite contagious. 

When the opening started, Layla and her boyfriend were nowhere to be seen.

“Typical,” you snorted to yourself.

The four school champions entered the hall with their dates and did all the formalities the occasion required. Professor McGonagall looked quite satisfied with their performance. Soon enough, other students started dancing along with the champions and even a couple of teachers joined them as well. That was your cue to find a table and sit for the rest of the night. Three boys had asked you to be their date days before the Ball, but you declined all of them.

You walked over to the most discrete table you could find and sat down. You looked around and spotted several glasses and drinks on a balcony. Well, it wouldn’t hurt to have a few. 

You stood up and grabbed the first bottle you saw. When you poured the liquid in a glass and took it to have a sip, hands covered your eyes from behind and you smelled the very familiar scent that came along with the action. You heart skipped a beat. 

“Oliver?”, you asked as you touched the also familiar strong hands. 

“Surprise,” he whispered in your ear before uncovering your eyes and spinning you around. 

“Oliv!” you jumped on him and hugged him as tight as you could, not letting go for a couple of minutes. Oliver hugged you back and kissed your cheek, jaw and neck several times. 

“Oh, I missed you so much...” he breathed against your skin. 

“I missed you too.”

Your boyfriend moved away only to kiss you deeply and eagerly after months apart from you. You were aware that people could see you two making out like that, but you didn’t care. You loved that boy more than anything. Maybe you wouldn’t judge Layla so much next time.

Oliver stopped the kiss after you were both out of breath. He had a big smile on his face and his lips were rosy from your lipstick. 

“You look... Wow... I don’t have enough words to describe how beautiful you look right now,” he said as he scanned your entire body. 

“Thank you, love,” you smiled feeling your cheeks slightly warm, “And you look really hot. I might have to fight some girls tonight as they can’t take their eyes off of you.”

“I can say the same about the guys in here,” he joked and moved closer for another kiss. A quick one this time. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, “I mean, is it allowed?”

“Yeah. I talked to Professor McGonagall about this weeks ago. She said she saw no problem with it.”

“Oh, I’m so happy you’re here,” you smiled and hugged him again. 

“Me too. I thought I wouldn’t make it,” he said, “We had practice the entire day, that’s why I was late.”

“What matters is that you’re here. But you must be so tired!” you pulled him gently to the table you were sitting at before and he sat down.

“I am, but I would run a marathon right now if that meant I would get to see you,” he confessed as he pulled you to sit on his lap.

“You’re cute,” you joked and wiped the stain of lipstick on his lips, “You should thank Layla. I didn’t wanna come but she really insisted. It even got annoying at a certain point.”

“Oh, did she?” Oliver nodded slightly, pretending to think, “What a nice friend.”

You raised an eyebrow at him before you finally understood.

“It was a setup!” your jaw dropped as he started laughing, “She knew!”

“Well, I had to make sure you would be here,” he shrugged.

“You’re ridiculous,” you laughed as well, “But everything makes sense now.”

“Good,” he gave you another peck on the lips, “Now, may I have the pleasure of dancing with you, m’lady?”

“Hm, I don’t know...” you teased, “I only dance with professional Quidditch players.”

“Oh. You’re a lady with very high standards.”

“Indeed. But I will make an exception for you because you’re quite cute.”

“I’m honored.”

You exchanged a smile before Oliver guided you through the people towards the dance-floor, where multiple couples were dancing already, including Layla and her boyfriend.

When she saw the two of you dancing together, she waved at you with a guilty smile. You waved back wearing a thankful one.

“I thought it would be a really boring night,” you admitted to Oliver, “I’m glad to see I was wrong.”

“I’m glad too,” he smiled, “I missed you.”

“I missed you more.”

Your boyfriend softly pressed his lips against yours and pulled you even closer to him. 

That night was far from being boring...

[tumblunni]

Random game idea that came to mind: clockwork man simulator

I dunno, i just got the general image in my head of a soft homey aesthetic equivelant of that terrible game about the androids. Itd be more like just a life-living game, like stuff like animal crossing or harvest moon. Just fully exploring the perspective of these creatures and the world that created them, rather than BOOM ACTION SETPIECES or whatever

I only have some scattered ideas for it tho, and not really any idea of a main plot or gameplay gimmick or 3 act structure or like.. Anything to take this from idea to game, lol.

SO ITS MISC IDEAS TIME

* more of an olden timey fantasy style instead of sci fi. Youre still an artificial person created to run errands for humans, but youre more of a combination of clockwork and magic. There's still an element of being made of inanimate object parts but there's also some glowy energy core or something. Possibly would be interesting if it was something unusual to use as a power source? Like i dunno, a bell or an acorn or a teacup or one of those rocks with the hole in it that sometimes wash up on beaches. Or just a glowy orb of Generically Defined Energy Substance, which flows through you like aesthetically pleasing glowy veins

* you're a service clockwork homunculus thingy, bought by a disabled person who needs help around the house. PERHAPS A SWEET OLD GRANDMA! Whatever i decide on (IT'LL PROBABLY BE THE GRANDMA), your owner is a kind person who sees you as part of the family and feels guilty using an android as they believe you are absolutely a real person and wish they could set you free. Unfortunately theyre kinda one of the people who needs androids the most, as they dont have any family who can help them. At the same time though, they are very old and quite resigned to nobody caring about them, plus theyre just a good person who'd put your life over their own. So i feel like the plot would literally start with this person trying to set you free and you are just like "i do npt understand the concept, that is not in my programming". Its become kind of a morning routine now to hear "youre free! Get out, dammit!" and have a brisk argument over breakfast that inevitably always ends with you refusing. Grandma's prpbably got so desperate they're resorting to tactics like trying to trick you into getting on the bus out of town or "if you dont leave im gonna hold my breath and i wont stop til i pass out". All inevitabley failing! So they just try and help you understand your sentience and become more independant, encouraging you to take free time every day and go around the town to enjoy yourself. Which is kinda a concept you dont understand yet, so its just like MISSION RECEIVED: WALK IN CIRCLE AROUND PERIMETER OF TOWN. And its kind of a hit and miss experience because the people in this town have never seen an android before- this magic is usually a thing for rich people and this proposed scheme of disability assistance androids is still in its test run. Some people are suspicious or hateful, but there are others who welcome you to the village and brighten up your day. Not just a world of 100% everyone assholes to make a melodramatic point delivered awfully through racist stereotypes.

* i think a good subplot with this disabled grandma would be to show her regaining her independance too. Like she starts off quite fatalistic and used to nobody caring about her, all this mobility aid stuff is new and she feels like its too complicated and she'll never get it, or its too expensive and she doesnt deserve it, or all the nonsense that ableist society drills into people. But with the support of her new friend and access to more tools to help take her life into her own hands, she starts regaining hope again! Like ironically she felt like her previous carers were all the kinds of awful things people expect these androids to be. Robotic, emotionless monsters who dont care about the person's feelings and comfort, and certainly not independance. She suffered from a lot of the same nightmares that androids do too: being forced into a rigid schedule, limited in her options, deprived of basic rights, being told how she's supposed to feel, etc. But to an android that all seems like an inefficient way to do things! My function is healing and human healing efficiency is decreased in this circumstance! I am incapable of ignoring data due to personal bias! Basically imagine MAGIC BAYMAX ok. Anyway this plot would progress with grandma regaining her smile and eventually itd be a super happy day when she's able to get her new wheelchair that she can wheel to the shops on her own without needing someone to push her. Itd be really sweet from the player's perspective to get used to saying goodbye to her every morning and then suddenly you see her wandering around the shops with everyone else and she can become a part of the vibrant town too. Im thinking give her more complex AI than all the other villagers even, like give her a more complicated set of actions and move routes and stuff like SHE IS EVERYWHERE and she is LOVING IT! Life is back where it belongs: in the hands of the person living it! And it also intensifies the message of android slavery not being necessary or moral or good. Like i mean here this lady benefitted from getting an android but literally all she needed was a friend, a healthcare professional who gave a shit, and affordable access to mobility aids. Humans could have done that if they werent lazy assholes! And this android deserves the right to the same uplifting independenceifying experience they helped this grandma have!!

* random idea: all the events you encounter on each daily walk are actually stored in your inventory as items. Memories of experiences, good or bad, become literally experience for you! They each affect stats in different ways because of what you learned from that moment. Maybe bad experiences give you combat abilities and good ones help with your daily life skills and development of personality? And its possible to crack or even shatter a memory, if new experiences end up clashing with it. Usually its just 'oh i learned the more advanced version of this skill through better understanding of why humans do it', but also traumatic memories damaging good ones, and good ones helping ease traumatic ones. And maybe you could solve puzzles and make friendships through using these memory items? Youre faced with a challenge and have to make the connections in your mind to figure out which past experience is relevant here. And becoming more talented at something would help narrow down the choices you get given? And being unskilled would do screwy stuff with the interface like putting the correct option far away near the bottom or mixing up the names and icons of each memory. (Dunno how i'd program that though!)

* Maybe character customization similar to Medabots? The games were so cool and ahead of their time, you get to collect hundreds of different robot base frames and then mix and match the parts to make your own cool aesthetic! Shame it was only used for fighting though, that could be cool in a more social game too! Like go out wearing different fashions to help befriend different people, but its more fun cos its ROBOT FASHIONS! 'hey grandma do u think fred will like this arm or this arm?' She fusses over you all excitedly cos you showing an interest in fashion is a good sign of developing free will! Though you still get stuck in logic loops of 'you should wear what you like best, honey' 'HUMAN OPINION IS OF HIGHER PRIORITY' ...god i think i just made this character so i can ramble Relateable Social Anxiety Moments BUT ROBOTS

* possible ideas for Memory Events you can find around town! Meeting a cute neighbour cat- a fascinating creature you were not programmed to deal with, as you're a hospital android who isnt even meant to leave one single room for your whole life. You get absolutely entranced by the confusing small carpet with legs, and spend all morning interrogating it on why it wishes to rub its face on you. Why is your motor overheating, tiny carpet? Human master, how do you troubleshoot this noise?

* Another idea! You get 'mission: count the steps on the stairs to town' popping out of nowhere, and at first you ignore it because this is an illogical directive that does not come from a human. But it keeps happening every time you go here!! You try finding new ways to get to town crossing through fields or forests or walking directly into the path of a horsedrawn carriage, but ALAS it seems the only efficient path is those curious curious steps! Only then do you finally realise the mystery command is coming from yourself! You're not used to this strange concept of just..wanting to do something, all by yourself. You talk to your human and she says that's 'natural curiosity', 'personality', 'free will'...things that seem impossible to understand. You ask her to take you back to the shop to get this fault fixed, but she says its good and you should try acting on it. But it'll serve no purpose!! BUT AAARGH I HAVE TO KEEP SEEING THOSE STEPS EVERYDAY!! Eventually you do count them and you find it makes you satisfied for no logical reason. And that was the end of that small crisis, but you'll forever be confused by the whole thing! The next week you're like "what if i organized all the blue things with the blue things" and youre intensely frustrated at yourself. Human grandma says this is a "taste for fashion" but you remind her that you do not have a tongue. (And then she gets you the robo parts catalog and you unlock customization. Yay!)

* Possible idea for a sad subplot! A new human visits the village and he seems very strange, sometimes seeming kind and other times being angry and standoffish. You think its a simple 'jerk with a heart of gold' story but the truth is a lot stranger! It turns out this stranger is actually an important bishop in disguise, and he has multiple androids acting as body doubles to protect him while he's on the road. Theyre supposed to just be empty husks who only know how to imitate, but they clearly have their own personalities! You're tasked with finding all these runaway androids and returning them to their master for a reward, leading to a goofy lil game of hide and seek with twelve of the same guy. But it starts to get a bit sad because they're all convinced theyre the real one, and whenever they stumble into holes in their memory they freak out. When they all see each other gathered together its an absolute despair explosion and theyre forced to face the truth. And you can help them bond together as brothers and develop their own individual identities, even helping them pick out their own new faces from your set of fashion roboparts. Sadly you cant keep them here for long because itd obviously be suspicious to have exactly twelve new people move into the town right when twelve bots went missing. So you get help from one of grandma's friends to send them off in a stagecoach to another town where they can find employment and start their own life disguised as humans. The asshole bishop obviously doesnt react well to his androids vanishing into the night, but he never thinks of blaming you because after all you're only an android and you could never choose to help others out of all that free will you dont have. He just berates you for being so incompetant as to fail his quest to find them, and you get your reward taken back. Oh no~ i am~ very ashamed~ i will go tell my human that my ocular circuits require recalibrating~ (internally: HAHA YEH FUCK U OLD MAN) Grandma is super proud of you!

And thats all i got so far

[wavemaker9]

Hey lemme start off to make this easier by saying i’m gonna roll with isabel as the name for nyo spain until i come up with something i like more. It’ll work well enough just for posts so i don’t have to keep using ‘nyo spain’

I haven’t broken off of the merryweather idea for her yet. I think it’d be similar to how toni is in his crew, where she started off as the actual go to the scene sort but eventually made her way up to being more on the business/management/other internal organization level. I think her and toni actually met up while both were lower level, toni hadn’t started his crew yet, probably was in some other crew or just on his own. I just. A part of me very much likes someone calling for backup/security against some job he was working on and the pair facing off against each other but immediately clicking with each other between their similar styles (they both fight with a ferocity that matches that this should be to the death, but also with a fluidity and style to it that almost implies a dance) and when they talk they can tell the other also carries themself the same way with the casually fake shit and also upon realizing oh you’re from spain?? I’m also from spain! Same home country!! They let each other live (bel taking out the people he was working with is still on the table if expected though, whoever they were) with both considering that a favor the other owes them. God just i want toni tracking down isabel with a “you owe me for that time i let you live, help me with x” and her just immediately laughing. “I owe you?? In what world??? If anything you should have used my information to send me a thank you card and a gift basket” they finally work out that they owe each other and so they decide to work together with each getting something out of it, isabel offers aid from merryweather at a discount/free as long as shes involved so some of the savings can go into her pocket instead. Also sometimes he offers a job where he really only needs a person or two as backup, and she volunteers herself. Further cuts costs but also, similarly to toni, she kind of misses when she was on the field more. It was dangerous but man a part of her felt so much more alive than she does now behind a desk. Plus like the money she makes from merryweather isn’t bad, but the side money from the jobs toni does are definitely worthwhile too.

Since i’m including bel, i might as well touch on kylee and audrey too, why not bring them in. a part of me wants audrey in a federal company like the FIB or IAA, somewhere like that, but i think i like her more on her own, in a role of like matching up criminals to those who would hire them for heists when certain specialties are needed, and then occasionally joining in if a /very/ good sniper is needed. that’s how she first works with austin. There’s a jaw breakers job that requires two expert snipers on very different locations at or near the same time and austin can only be in one place at a time, so him reluctantly agreeing they need to find someone else with some skill. I also like her being the way that austin first works with mel and micha, her offering up them as contacts for certain jobs later on.

Kylee’s been the hardest. I half entertained the idea of her in/running a motorcycle gang, just because she’d be cute in half the bikers shit they got on gtao, and audrey running an organization then, but idk about that anymore. I think the best role for her is kind of like how in the main game you can do some of the side missions and get a contact later for a heist. Like that. Not officially part of any group, not actively as a for hire type for jobs. Just someone like kyle helped her out once so once she caught on that he was just as cool with crime as she was, she gave him her contact information in case he ever had a job come up where ‘he needed a better thief than him ;)’.

Also just to have this written down because i was also thinking about it when trying to flesh out how toni and isabel would interact, i don’t think any of the nyo-orig sets would actually have a thing. Toni and isabel would likely be the closest, playfully flirt teasing each other because that’s just how they naturally communicate with people when they’re wearing their mask, but I don’t think it would actually end up as anything actual. I could see them sleeping together /maybe/ extremely short term, but nothing more than that. Kyle and kylee /maybe/ play flirt with each other, but it’s only after they’ve built an understanding that it’s never meant seriously. They’re 100% platonic, but they do end up pretty good mates. Austin and audrey reluctantly appreciate the other? On one hand, they like the other’s professionalism and skill, but also it ends up a little competitive between whose skills are better, so they never 100% get along. They very much have a co-workers relationship first and that’s really it.

Bel would share similar opinions on Kyle and Austin as Toni does if she met them. Maybe a little more impressed with Austin compared to Kyle just because I don’t think she’d interact with him as closely as Toni would. Toni prefers Kyle to Austin because Austin is ambitious, but when he interacts face to face, toni can tell that Austin isn’t as strong and capable as he would have people believe. Again, in this au he’s more so than most other Austins, but it’s a core trait so even if it’s less so, it’s still there for him. Toni at least appreciates that Kyle’s more of a fighter, more determined and passionate, even if toni kind of thinks kyle’s still not super impressive with how he is more lacking that ambition and is only worried about having fun. Fun is fine, but it’s not going to last forever. If kyle’s fine with that (which he is, kyle doesn’t expect to live for ever, he wants to go out having a good time), then good for him, but it doesn’t line up with toni’s priorities so he can’t fully approve of kyle either. Basically kyle has drive but not specifically ambition, austin has ambition but not specifically drive. Toni knows both are important, but he feels like drive is more important. Ambition will help you live a good life, but drive on its own is what keeps you alive to begin with, it’s what helps you survive.

Anyway, bel wouldn’t see that austin is missing that drive unless she met face to face with him, which she likely would rarely if at all. Same with kyle, i can’t imagine them meeting unless through shared contacts. She just hears second hand about this one kid who’s fucking around, nearly getting himself killed all the time, and won’t commit to anything with a crew or an organization or company or anything. Compare that to the other guy who maintains a more presentable image and put himself into such a high role in the jaw breakers pretty quickly, and just based on that information it’s clear why bel would initially think more of austin.

Both austin and audrey would share a lot of opinions on others, same with kylee and kyle. The only difference there is that while austin and kyle don’t always get along, don’t always like each other, they’re still family. Austin grumbles about having to babysit kyle half the time to keep him from getting himself hurt or killed or otherwise fucked over but he still does it because that’s his cousin. He feels it’s his responsibility and he knows family appreciates having kyle still alive and also a part of him would also miss kyle if he lost him because of how much kyle has involved himself into austin’s life. The same is true in reverse, kyle’s cousin is a stuck up prick who thinks he’s better than kyle and makes that obvious as fuck but he’s also kyle’s cousin and he does help kyle so kyle can see that even if austin’s a dick like 90% of the time, there’s a 10% of him that’s actually kinda cool and kyle wouldn’t be able to make it without him. He loves his mean cousin, even if they don’t always exactly get along. Audrey has no connection to kyle though and kylee lacks the same for austin. Audrey sees austin putting himself out to watch over kyle’s worse habits and asks why austin wastes his time doing that. She gets the family thing and whatever, but if austin just lets the kid fall once, maybe kyle will learn he needs to manage that himself and then austin won’t have to worry about it anymore (austin explaining a, kyle’s never learned anything ever in his life, b, even when he has, sometimes he forgets, especially with things that mess with his mind like drinking, drugs, and even violence/other adrenaline things, c, the one time he lets kyle fall could be the one time kyle falls right into the grave, and he’s never been exceptionally risky so he’d rather not take the chance). Similarly Kylee gets the family thing too, 100%, she totally understands, but like. Austin’s the worst? She talked to him one (1) time and he was the worst? She could tell he literally started mentally judging her the moment he saw her, and once he opened his mouth he started vocally judging her too. What a fucking cunt??? Why do you hang out with him, he clearly doesn’t want to be around you anyway, just dump the dick????? Like family is family but like. Still. (Because it’s not /her/ family being discussed here. But family’s what’s important to kyle and that overrides everything else about austin. Kyle loves people in general but he especially loves family and you gotta /really/ try to get him to throw that away. + he does kind of owe austin for a lot of the help over the years. He’s helped back but he’s probably still the one in debt at this point.)

God i wasn’t gonna but what if audrey and kylee were cousins too? I’m not 100% on that, I just very much like kylee bugging audrey in a loving way like kyle does with austin. Idk i’ll come back to that later maybe.

Have i ever even touched on how kyle and austin view toni??? Don’t think i have?? It’s kinda simple though, kyle’s lowkey just as unimpressed with toni as toni is with him. He’s probably cooler with toni at first, but toni reminds kyle of his mom with that fakey smile shit and so he’s kind of soured on that with toni. Kyle wants people to like him but he also wants people to be honest with him. He also (if he finds out) doesn’t appreciate being called the boyfriend equivalent of vodka, that’s not. Great. Austin starts off with an okay view of toni, too, but like. It’s not even the fakey shit, he’s fine with that, it’s the shit toni pulls against him because toni doesn’t like him. Usually toni makes it just subtle enough where austin can’t really tell if toni’s genuinely insulting//threatening him or just sounded like it, but once or twice there’s like no misinterpreting that. Namely that time oliver invites austin to boys night and. Like oliver says afterwards toni is just playing rough for boys night, especially with a newcomer like austin, trying to see how much he could push him, but forgive austin if he didn’t appreciate being threatened to his face for simple things or things that were oliver’s fault. Also stop calling him weak??? You’re so rude!!!

Kylee and Audrey probably don’t talk much with Toni or Isabel. Audrey probably the most as someone who deals in connections- HOLD ON. can i undo what i said before about kylee just having that connection with kyle and instead say that was for audrey instead? Maybe happens later on as well with kyle and that’s how they meet, but audrey saves kylee’s ass once and kylee offers that audrey can call her next time she needs something stolen, no questions asked! And sure enough, audrey takes her up on that offer, putting her in touch with a crew who could really use someone who knows how to handle lock picking tools in the near future. Kylee doing what kyle does and working with a whole bunch of different crews, but instead of just shuffling around as she feels like it like kyle does, kylee does jobs as audrey offers them. Maybe at some point kylee and audrey both work on a job and kylee saves aud’s ass in return so technically they’re even but both kind of play it as “well i owe her” to justify sticking around each other. They’re at a point now where kylee knows she can reject a job if she wants to but usually agrees to the job to help audrey out, but similarly audrey knows kylee’s a good resource to have and also not so easy to force into doing a job she really doesnt’ want to do, so she tries to pick jobs that she knows have something appealing about them to kylee and reasons that if kylee rejects a job, it’s worth it to keep her around for future jobs than to break their ties over this one. Hey i love that? Oh oh also kylee taking on some criminal matchmaking for some of the roudier clients? Audrey has to find a few people for a job trevor phillips has, why go talk to him herself and deal with that maniac when she can send kylee who thinks he’s weird and a bit of a mean motherfucker sometimes but also can be really fun? 

Also relating back to the “why do you deal with kyle/austin” from the girls, the boys asking it back, “hey you’re dealing with kylee/audrey, like you can talk” with audrey reasoning she kind of owes kylee and at least kylee makes her money and austin counters kyle’s done some jobs for him too, with audrey shrugging and going well at least there’s some pro; kylee waving it off “she saved my life and she helps me make a lot of money. My apartment isn’t run down like /somebody’s/ i could mention.” kyle pouts/scoffs and says “Well i mean if money’s sooo~ important to ya.” and kylee just laughs and teases that it sounds like ~somebody’s~ jealous. (also kyle pointing out austin’s kind of saved his life a few times too. kylee like fine fine but also he’s still just the biggest dick and kyle laughing and agreeing, yeah no nobody’s arguing that.)

(audrey saving kylee from some attack or something, giving her a ride out of the area against her first instinct because kylee’s eyes are pleading for audrey to unlock the car door for her to jump in before these assholes behind her catch up to her. As they’re driving away, it turns out that. Like ~maybe~ kylee stole something expensive from them first. /maybe/. Audrey starting to stop the car, okay get out you got yourself into that mess back there, but kylee countering there’s no way audrey’s not at least a little cool with crime herself. Audrey raising an eyebrow and asking why kylee would think that and kylee answering that there ain’t a single person in this city that’s dressed as nicely as audrey is and can afford to do so legally. Audrey not laughing exactly but pulling her lips into a reluctant smile because. Okay fair and a little funny, fine, fine. After some consideration starts the car back up and heads back into town so they can talk further. It’s on a later mission where kylee helps audrey by taking out a threat while audrey was trying to get a target on someone and didn’t see the person sneaking up behind her.)

Anyway, back to the girls w/r/t toni and isabel. Audrey probably works with isabel quite a bit, they trade contacts for people to do jobs, audrey will offer people who merryweather can hire and isabel will pass on people already on the clock for them but willing to do some work outside the office as long as they get a cut. Isabel sees the same complaints toni has about austin in audrey, though isabel can at least compliment that audrey is trying to keep her distance and playing it a bit more safe. She only takes jobs herself if they have a low risk to reward ratio and, specifically unlike austin, she’s not tying herself up in a crew that has rivalries with others. She’s making more allies by working with multiple crews. She’s also kind of the lead on this (maybe she really should just run an organization and kylee helps with that) and taking charge versus austin letting oliver run things. Kylee has probably interacted with toni and isabel from working with audrey, either being hired to do a job for the Toros(i think that was toni’s crew name? Maybe not, i’ll look back into that later) or being in contact with isabel via the hiring trading and stuff. Kylee similarly to kyle doesn’t appreciate the too-cheerful teasing, but she’s largely indifferent. Buncha asses want to be all smiley and manipulative about their shit, let ‘em, i don’t give a fuck.

Also views on others? Mel & Micha, kylee probably gets along with well. A part of me says there might be a rivalry thing between mel and kylee for Who Can Be the Best once they meet, but i think eventually they’d stop and realize they can just work together and that’s better because then they can be friends. Much like kyle, kylee ends up really liking the both of them and def tries flirting with them for a short time after meeting them.

Cami! If i didn’t already mention it, cami as the second for toni. Both can play the good cop bad cop solo, but when toni switches bad cop, he goes for more physical damage while cami is /very/ skilled at the emotional/mental fuckery. Why break someone’s bones when you can break their spirit? After the first time meeting her, kylee favored working with cami over toni when she had to work with the crew, and she only grew to like cami more as they worked together. Ended up having a major thing for her and tried very hard to woo her too (including breaking into the gang base to deliver little notes and gifts because kylee also doesn’t fear death or punishment properly). Isabel likes cami and they get along well when they interact. Isabel flirts with cami a lot even if it’s mostly for play and because she know it lowkey flusters cami to no end. Audrey thinks camille is fine. Seems a little too nice but she doesn’t realize, audrey you fool.

Audrey maybe works with ivan getting him connections for a job once or twice, similar to toni? Probably met him once and diverted that over to be one of kylee’s jobs. You go deal with him, he won’t stop smiling and i Hate it. Kylee thinks Ivan’s cool and 100% approves when she finds out he and Kyle are dating. Except for me you don’t normally make good choices on friends, kyle, but this one (1) time you made a good choice, you have my blessing. (kyle pointing out he definitely didn’t need her blessing, he hasn’t even gotten austin’s blessing and he’s actually family, kylee saying that’s fine but he has her blessing anyway so like. Just accept it). Audrey maybe working with Anya? If so, likely a largely professional relationship/anya has fun fucking with audrey just a little bit sometimes and audrey Hates that too. Kylee meets anya through kyle probably and is just stunned. Here she was starting to think the only friends kyle had besides her were all bad but between ivan and anya he’s actually got a few cool ones, how did that happen? She probably flirts a little bit with anya and falls for her a little too. okay but kylee breaking into anya’s office to leave her cute little gifts and nots as well.  Whoops kylee knows too many cute girls how did this happen?

Speaking of kyle’s shitty friends, kylee doesn’t like doug despite having a friend just like him whom she makes no connection to. Both kyle and kylee are fine when it happens to them but when shit happens to friend hey no you stop that you fuck off and leave them be! Similarly kylee is fine with summer, but not trusting of her. Kylee thinks Oliver is chill. Bit too much pink and pastel but hey, to each their own, least he makes it work. Audrey probably has doug as a contact for hire, but doesn’t talk to him outside of giving jobs to him. I don’t think she’d have any reason to talk to summer, i can’t even think of a reason for austin to outside of the kyle dies timeline which might not even be canon anymore. Audrey is fine with Oliver, a bit too friendly on the surface but austin assures her there’s more to it than that and austin seems to be good at spotting these things so she trusts him on that. Isabel probably only meets oliver and summer. she’s meh about oliver. Seems fine and whatever, they get along when they talk, but nothing special to her. she is 100% annoyed by summer but much like toni and summer are when they meet, she deals with summer with a smile and a bunch of just saying whatever shit is required to make this as painless on herself as possible. 

i think that’s everything? i feel like there was more i thought of but i’ll make another post if i remember

[selelunars]

Graduation’s Good Yet Hidden Friends

I believe that every student only want one thing to happen in the end of their university life: graduating. I did too. When my lecturer announced my name as one of the graduates of my major, I was in cloud nine. After all the doubts and struggle, I finally made it to the top. 

Except for the part that the top is not really a top where you can stay and enjoy the view. It is something so small that you can't even step on it steadily with one leg. 

At first I thought graduation is something you should be proud of--at least that day, I was really proud of myself. After all, it's when all of my work paid off, right? Then days passed and I started  to feel something was wrong.  I mean, on the first or second day of rightfully being called a bachelor, everyone congratulated you and tell you that they were happy for you. Then days change and they started to ask, "so do you get any job yet?" or "what are you planning to do?" 

The questions make me wonder and wonder, they make me spend unhealthy hours on linkedin only to feel sad each time I see a friend already got a job. I tried to apply to this one program and seem to be rejected--resulting in me breaking down and wondering whether I deserve good things in life. Then I tried another method and sign myself up for jobseeking website, only to break down in the middle, realizing I can't be what I want to be. 

Yet.

It feels like I keep on being kicked by anxiety and all the bad thoughts that come with the responsibilities. The bad thought grows on me and not a single day spent by not wallowing in sadness. Then I started to ask myself, "is graduation a blessing or a burden? If it is indeed a blessed accomplishment, why is it so hard to feel happy?" 

In the middle of my frustrations, I stumbled over this webinar about "Graduation Anxiety" held by Prasetya Mulya University. At first I was a little skeptical, then I decided to roll with it as I didn't have things to lose nor anything better to do on that day. I kept on thinking whether the speaker would really be talking about the struggle I have. 

They really hit close to home. 

One of the speakers mentioned the said feeling I am currently going through--the sadness, uneasiness, anxiety, everything. She said that even thought clinically, there is no term that could classify this phase as a mental illness, post-graduation anxiety is something real and what we are feeling about the said situation is valid, especially given the situation these days. Anyway, I want to say that what we experienced might be different for everyone. If you think it's too much and you feel like it is much more than simply being anxious about future, do visit a professional instead of brushing it off.

The webinar highlighted one thing that really comforted me: I am not alone. I am not the only one having this silly thoughts or anxious nights filled with worries. We all do. 

Then I realized that class of 2020 is the most resilience batch ever, managing to graduate in the middle of batshit crazy stuff happened all around the world. We struggled harder than most of people with some of us unable to finish our thesis in times due to the pandemic. We couldn't have something we always dreamed to have. Some of us don't even have a proper good bye with amazing people they spent the past few years with. Not only that, we also graduated in the middle everyone is struggling, even business. 

Some people lost their job, some companies decide to not recruit more people.  Jobseeking was really not our friends as we compete with not only fellow fresh graduates, but hundreds of people, for a spot that being reduced here and there. 

I know that for some people, it might come off as a toxic positive, but what the speakers said was true. We are not struggling alone. Everyone could be feeling anxious because of the uncertainty of their future and the pandemic makes it even worse by limiting the limited opportunities we have to start a new fresh start.

On more personal note, I feel like my graduation anxiety also stem from the GPA I got from the university, which is slightly below average. I feel like most of the times, I don't even have the chance to try seeing how it is bellow what the companies want. Part of me is ashamed, but the other parts of me know best that I have tried my best throughout the years. But convincing yourself that you are much more than your GPA is easier said than done. 

The speakers said that feeling the overwhelming amount of negativity is something normal--and reducing those negative thoughts is indeed easier to said than done. She said, the least I can do to myself is start to think positively of myself and creating positive environment for me to grow. Those negative thoughts are indeed inevitable, but it doesn't mean there isn't anything positive from ourselves. 

The other speaker said something that was more logical. He said that realistically, having slightly lower GPA does make it harder for us considering some companies tend to do first scanning through GPA. But it doesn't mean that you are hopeless--if you feel like you are much more than your GPA and have enough confidence, just do it even thought your score is slightly lower than the requirement. He said, it isn't impossible for people to see that you are much more than your background. 

One of the most memorable thing I heard him say during the webinar was to tell us to have a target or a dream field of work or company we want to have a career in. When I asked about  the lack of my GPA to enter the company I want, his answer was the wake up call I need. He said, "Your life doesn't end just because this year or next year you fail to get into the company you want. Your life doesn't end in one year or two, you have more than that. If you have a target, it doesn't have to happen soon. You can make a plan, 'I want to get into this company in five years' then for the next five years, you study about their work ethics, what their recruiter wants, all to make sure you can achieve it next time." 

Our life doesn't end in one year or two. Our traits are not all negative. 

I think among all things they said throughout the seminar, the two are what gave the wake up call the most. It's like the core or main things I have to keep in mind in order to move forward. Mindset aside, there are several practical tips or way to ease up our anxiety, which proven to work for me.

First, learn something new. College may take four years of our life, but it doesn't mean we have learnt everything we want. There are a lot more knowledge exist in the world that we studied during our college days. Especially now that there are lots of free resources and classes up for us to grab--some even come with reputable certificate that would make us more "credible." There aren't many reasons why we shouldn't learn something new, especially if we have clear idea of what we want to do and what kind of person we want to be. I have been busying myself with some of google classes and copywriting websites, I must say that it has done pretty good job in keeping me occupied by positive thoughts instead of the anxious feeling that almost ate me alive before.

Second, pick up a hobby or take time to do what you love. It's pretty much similar with the first point, but the main idea is to know what is something that fuels you--to do something that pumps your energy enough that you are not thinking about anything else. For me, it's being creative. Recently, I also start doing lots of things--mainly drawing, writing, and working on this blog. Being creative pumps me, especially seeing the comment from people on the work I thought would go unnoticed.  It makes me realize my purpose: to create. I want to create and I always want to do it, so doing those stuff makes me feel more positive. 

Third, build a connection. I think rather than new connection, the easiest way to apply it is to rebuild the connection you have with your loved ones and other people that mean something for you. Personally, I feel this part as the hardest as I don't really have lots of people around me in first place. But talking weirdly feels nice--to talk about how someone's life is, about hobbies, about everything. I am an introvert, so at some point it also drains me, but it's a nice thing to do. 

Four, don't stop trying. I remember that the speakers from the webinar also said that when you fail and get up so much, you would become resilience and that is something needed in current days. The phrase saying that fresh graduates more often sending hundreds of applications but get nothing back in response, according to her, is true. But she also said that it can't be avoided and is one of the steps for us to be resilient and strong. 

Here is a little story. 

First time I applied for job, it was for a pretty huge company and it made me super anxious seeing how I didn't called back. Everything is uncertain and thinking that my life goes downhill and useless is something that can't be avoided. I was in a wreck for few days when I thought I got rejected--all because I didn't have anything to hold on. It was the only company I applied to and I hang all of my hope there. I was still far from being resilient. After getting more encouragement, I braced myself to apply more--as long as it fits me and dream. I did it while doing the first three steps I mentioned. I still got rejections, but it doesn't make me anxious as the first one. If you ask me, honestly I don't know whether I have become before resilience as the time being or because the practical steps do wonder for my mind's well-being. 

All I want to point out is that--you are going to feel better once you are able to channel your newfound free time and energies into more positive matters. 

Our life doesn't end in one year or two. Our traits are not all negative.  

This feels like a mantra, but I feel like this is the most important of all so I don't think I have stress this enough. Remember that feeling anxious after your graduation is something normal, given the situation and the change of circumstances around you. Before, you wake up with the spirit that you have to graduate soon--then the spirit fades and you don't know what you are going to do for the day while keep on receiving endless loop of questions. It's okay to feel slightly uneasy and worried about your future. 

But remember that you're only going to grow stronger and more resilient from this time being. Talk your worry out, improve yourself, and on top of all, don't forget to remind yourself that you are amazing and deserve lots of good things in life. 

We are precious and we have done well to the point we finished the roughest journey of our life. Let's spread kindness and be more aware of our surrounding, happy world mental health day 2020. 

For more insight about post-graduation anxiety.

1. Extension Service 

2. Psychalive

3. Choosing Therapy

[waqasblog2]

How to Make Money with SEO in 2019 - Whiteboard Friday - Moz

Making money with SEO today is nowhere near the same practice it was in 2009. Sketchy, manipulative practices and simple, straightforward tweaks no longer do the job — to be successful in 2019, you need to be smart, strategic, and in tune with what searchers want. Rand Fishkin outlines three steps you need to have down if your goal is to improve your bottom line with the help of SEO.

Click on the whiteboard image above to open a high-resolution version in a new tab!

Video Transcription

Howdy, Moz fans, and welcome to another edition of Whiteboard Friday. This week we are talking about how to make money with SEO. Now, for many of you who might be watching this video because perhaps you have googled or searched on YouTube about how to make money with SEO, well, what I want to do is talk about how that practice has changed dramatically in the last 10 years.

In 2009, if you were searching for how to make money with SEO, there were a lot of sketchy and manipulative and actually relatively simplistic, straightforward things that you could do to make money online with SEO, and that has changed. That is not the case anymore, and I think this is why you see so many people who are in worlds like affiliate marketing and the worlds of creating small websites and many networks of small websites and trying to sell relatively simplistic, unbranded products or services or advertising revenue, that a lot of those sites have disappeared. Certainly part of that is because the margins on many of those products has gone way down. Some of it is big competition from many new entrants, including big companies like Amazon, but many others as well.

A big part of this is the way that you think about making money online and how you might be able to use SEO to do that. Now if you are not one of those folks who's trying to do that and you are instead a professional marketer, I still think this video is going to be very valuable for you because there are a few key sources of change that have been brought to our industry by what Google has done and what websites have done and how users behave that shift a lot of this thinking. So stick with me.

Step 1: Find (or create!) a business/website that fits important criteria

If you want to make money online in the SEO world in 2019, your general step one is to either find and buy or create a new business or a website that fits some important criteria or to modify a website you've already got to fit these important criteria. 

A) Produces a relatively high amount of gross margin per search visitor

The first one is you want a relatively high amount of gross margin per search visit. This is fundamentally different from the past. In the past, I knew plenty of people who built their living in the SEO world with, "A visitor is worth a penny to me. A visitor is worth a hundredth of a penny to me, but it doesn't matter because I can make up for it in volume." But today, earning search visitors is so much more challenging than in the past, especially for a new website or an emerging one or a startup, that I believe you need this high gross margin to be able to do that.

So you want to find people who are searching for a variety of things. I want this thing. Do a search. Come to your site. Take an action of some kind. That could be sign up for an email list. It could be view some advertising. It could be actually buy a physical product or buy a software product, whatever it is. You make revenue that is significantly more than the cost of serving that customer, the cost to you of maintaining the website, doing the marketing, your time and hours and whoever else you employ, keeping the lights on, paying the bills and the taxes, and the product itself, whatever you're shipping or whatever you're creating and serving, software, advertising, etc.

B.) Inspires/incentivizes users to amplify their experience and your brand

Then it inspires and incentivizes users to amplify their experience and as a result your brand. You might say like, "Well, why do I need that? Why do I need someone who's going to go and share?" Not every visitor, but you need a certain percent of people to go and say, "Gosh, their site is great. I am going to post about it on my social media. I'm going to link to it. I'm going to talk to my friends about it. When people see this thing that I've made, I'm going to say, 'Oh, it came from such and such place.'" You need that because these types of online and offline word of mouth and amplification is core to a business' survival on the web, and that is fundamentally different than 10 years ago.

Ten years ago you could do a lot of sketchy, spammy, manipulative stuff to earn links and to earn rankings. Google has removed almost all of that ability for 99% of websites, especially in the English language world. If you are operating in other languages, especially where Google's Web Spam Team has not done as well, there's still some more of those opportunities. But generally speaking, this is crucial. You need people who are going to link to you and amplify you.

C.) Over time, creates branded demand rather than generic search behavior

You need a business that fits the criteria of over time it creates branded demand rather than generic search behavior. Why? Because otherwise you do not create a competitive advantage that is sustainable with time, and other people who do will certainly recognize that and enter your field and compete with you and put you out of business.

"I want this thing" is a fine search phrase to target for your SEO. But you know what's way easier? "I want yoursite.com." When you have people searching for your brand and your branded products or the keywords that they were searching for generically plus your brand as a word in there, what they're saying is, "Google, don't serve me up just any result. Take me to that website." That is a competitive advantage, a barrier to entry that has huge amounts of protection for you as a business owner.

Step 2: Design a unique value prop/strategy that resonates with searcher intent & produces search-optimized content that people want to link to

All right, step two. You've found a business that fits these criteria or you've created one or you've modified your business such that it does this. Great. Now you need to design a unique value prop and a strategy that does a couple of things. It's got to resonate with searcher intent, meaning you are serving what searchers actually want rather than just serving searchers with what you want them to do but that does not actually serve them. This is because Google has gotten too sophisticated about being able to match searcher intent with the keyword phrases and rank the sites that solve the searcher's problem.

Ten years ago, that was not the case. Ten years ago, in 2009, someone could search for "best pasta," and you could serve them up a site that tried to sell them a certain kind of pasta as opposed to comparing a bunch of different brands and varieties and trying to truly serve the searcher's intent. That's almost impossible today. There are a few exceptions, but those gaps are closing rapidly.

It also needs to produce search-optimized content that people and publications want to link to. Totally different from 2009, when you could manipulate the link graph, acquire links in ways that searchers didn't necessarily love, but Google would put you on top anyway and you could sort of take advantage of that for a while. Not the case. Now you need people to want to link to you, to have a reason to link to you. Otherwise, you will not be able to get those top ranking positions.

A.) Build a keyword research list

So first, build a keyword research list. You can use Moz's Keyword Explorer, which is what I personally use. But there are many keyword research tools out there on the web. You can type in phrases. I love Italian food, so I'm using examples like that, so "best pancetta," "3-year aged parmigiano," "Rustichella d'Abruzzo," which is like this pasta variety that I personally think is the best one out there. There's search volume, there's difficulty, and there's click-through rate percentages. So I'm building this list. You can go check out the videos on keyword research if you want to dive deeper on this. 

But essentially I want this list because I want to be able to answer some questions about the search phrases and terms that I'm targeting with my business.

1. What will I create to be 10X better than what's currently ranking on page one?

First, what will I create to be 10 times better than what's already ranking on page one for these terms? If I search for "best pancetta" and I cannot come up with a way that I think I could outperform, have a better web page than what everyone else has got there, what's my competitive advantage? How am I going to take that over? You better come up with those things. I need those answers for the crucial terms and phrases that I'm going after, that are going to bring me the gross margin dollars that I need for my product, my services, my advertising, what have you.

2. Who will help amplify/link to this and why?

Second, when I produce that content, who will help amplify or link to this and why? Who will help amplify this and why? If you don't have a great answer to that question, don't publish the piece. Wait until you do. Find that great answer, because you need that amplification in order to perform, especially in the earliest stages. Once you have lots of links, high domain authority, lots of visibility in Google, you can put a lot of things out there on the web and basically coast on your brand's strength and the fact that Google already likes your domain and is going to bias toward you. But in the early stages, when you have a new business, not the case.

3. How will I build a moat that can protect against Google's own incursion into these results?

Third, how will I build a moat around this business that can protect from potential incursions by Google themselves? If you look at the search results today versus 2009, you will see a dramatic difference, which is that Google's results, from Google Maps to Google's own instant answers to their featured snippets to their tabs and systems where they try and answer a query fully with their own stuff, Google Travel, Google Flights, Google Hotels, the list goes on and on and on and on, they are taking away a lot of that opportunity, and you need to have a way to protect yourself from that. One of those ways is certainly branded search. Another way is to make sure that the words and phrases that you're going after, especially early on, are not ones where you have to compete with Google themselves.

Step 3: Find what customers do before they search for high-competition keywords/around your topics

Step three, finally, find what customers do before they search for these high-value keywords to you, high competition keywords around your topics. What do they search for before they get to that? What do they search for around that stuff? How can I capture this customer prior to that money search? Then I can create a new keyword research list and a new set of content that I'm going to create to target those people, which will be vastly easier to capture them earlier in their buying cycle, earlier in their potential funnel.

Exposure keywords

So exposure keywords would be things like "carbonara recipe." Someone's going to search for carbonara and how to make it before they ever look up, "Now, where do I get pancetta?" This one potentially is easier to rank for than this one. This may be an imperfect example. But "types of parmesan" -- first off the English American spelling -- versus "3-year aged parmigiano," this is a transactional keyword. I know what I want. This is an "I'm still learning about this" thing. You're going to need content in both of those worlds.

"Pasta brands," I'm learning. "Rustichella d'Abruzzo," I know what I want. Got to serve both.

Influencer-targeted content

Finally, as part of step three, you want to find what link-likely sources are willing to cover. What is going to be the thing that gets you the amplification? Sometimes it's not the same thing as the exposure keywords or the money keywords. So you need content that is going to affect influential publications and people, things like, "Okay, we're going to produce a piece. It doesn't necessarily serve a lot of searchers, but we know we can get links to it. We know people will tweet about it. We know they'll post to their Facebook page. We know they might talk about it on Instagram."

"The best American cities for Italian food," ooh, competition between American cities, whoever it is, whatever, Philadelphia, we put them low in the rankings. New York, we put them high in the rankings. They're going to fight about it relentlessly. Tons of people are going to talk about it. The "New York Post" is going to write about it. "The Philadelphia Inquirer" is going to be all pissed about it. Great.

"Where to visit in Italy if you're really just there for the meals." Hmm, that's the kind of thing someone would cover. "Cooking pasta in cold water isn't madness. It's better." What? I actually do this, by the way. I do recommend starting pasta in cold water. We'll talk about that in another episode when I have my cooking set up here. But regardless, the idea behind this is that I have influencer and publication targeted content in addition to exposure keywords and money keywords.

This sort of strategic thinking is how you can make money with a new business, a new website in 2019, and it is vastly different from what you saw 10 years ago.

All right, everyone. I hope you've enjoyed this. Look forward to your comments. We'll see you again next week for another edition of Whiteboard Friday. Take care.

This content was originally published here.

[ztafraternity]

New year, new you!

This article was originally published in the Winter 2019 issue of Themis magazine.

By Emily Adams Keplinger, Contributing Writer

Traditionally, January is a time for reflecting on the past and making plans for positive changes in the new year. With the help of ZTA sisters who are experts in their fields, we’re here to help you do just that.

To get started, we’ve identified four areas to target for better living: setting and achieving goals, decluttering and getting organized, focusing on health and wellness, and managing personal finances. This is not about a “one size fits all” solution; however, in each category, the key is to develop a plan of action—then work the plan.

Setting and achieving goals

Jamie Allen Carrieri (Theta Alpha Chapter, California State University, Chico), lives in the foothills of northern California. As a collegian, she served as her chapter’s President. Her collegiate experience was a foreshadowing of her future as a leader of others.

“After college, I worked in commercial real estate for a time,” Jamie recalled. “Then I earned my Juris Doctorate at University of the Pacific’s McGeorge School of Law and practiced business law for a few years before deciding to study life coaching. I obtained a certificate in Professional Life Coaching from UC Davis Extension in 2014.”

Now a Professional Life Coach, the founder of Carrieri Coaching, and the creator of the Joyist and Commute Coaching brands, Jamie specializes in challenge-based coaching that is especially helpful for achievement-oriented personalities and those in high-stakes professions.

“The basics of goal setting and achieving are the same no matter who you are,” Jamie said. “Differences arise where the individual has her own unique issues holding her back. Let’s start with the long-standing concept of SMART goal setting. The acronym stands for the idea that goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely. Most issues will arise in the details of applying each part of this rule, so taking it step-by-step is important.”

The issues that may arise with feeling overwhelmed, discouraged or unmotivated to achieve a goal can often be addressed by doing deep work on our core values and priorities to ensure the “relevance” of the goal and our motivation.

Jamie’s Tips for Setting SMART Goals:

Specific: This is really about composing your goal statement. It should have the who, what, when, where, why and how of your goal, and it should help you to answer the next four steps.

Measurable: A goal needs to be measurable. If it is a more subjective goal, then this may require a little effort to make it quantifiable. Sometimes this means developing a rating system or other subjective scale or seeking outside input to judge your efforts.

Attainable: A goal must be possible, but you also need to identify the tasks or sub-goals required to reach it. This is a common place for experiencing overwhelm. Doing the work to break it down now will allow you to cope with feeling overwhelmed by focusing on one step at a time once you are in action mode.

Relevant: Is your goal connected to your priorities and core values? Is it big enough and important enough to properly motivate you? To push you to reach your full potential? This is the meat of why you chose this goal and what will keep you going through challenges.

Timely: When should this be completed? Does it need to fit in, with or around other life events? It can be easy to get discouraged by how long it seems it will take to reach the goal. It has been said, “Do not worry about how much time it will take, for the time will pass anyway.” The important thing is to keep moving forward and just do your best to plan. You can stop and re-evaluate your schedule as often as needed.

Decluttering and getting organized

Yuriko Beaman (Theta Delta Chapter, Salisbury University) lives in Reading, Pennsylvania. She is a member of the Lehigh Valley, PA Alumnae Chapter, ZTAlways, and the Lancaster, PA Alumnae Chapter. Additionally, Yuriko serves as the General Advisor for Kappa Psi Chapter (Kutztown University of Pennsylvania) and was recognized as the Outstanding Advisor in Area I at Convention 2018.

Yuriko, who holds a master’s degree in clinical psychology, started her professional career by helping college students. “I’ve taught classes on time management, organization and other academic skills,” Yuriko said. “I’m certified in the KonMari™ method of organizing, which was created by Marie Kondo.”

She outlined the process of getting organized, making it as easy as 1-2-3:

Step 1: Picture your goal, even if that picture is fuzzy.

The first step in an organizational quest is to determine what you want in your ideal life and ideal home. I encourage clients to think about what they want to do in their space and how they want to spend their time.

Step 2: Choose what to keep and let go of the rest.

What I love about this process is that it encourages you to recognize that each item in your home is there for a reason. When you let an item go, you literally say “thank you,” then place it in a pile designated either “donate” or “discard.” Sometimes it’s helpful to reflect on what the item has taught you and to express gratitude for the lesson. It’s easier to let an expensive piece of clothing go when you recognize that you’ve learned you really don’t like the color on you, no matter how much you like the style of the garment.

In the KonMari method, we tidy/declutter by category, not by room. The categories, in order, are clothes, books, paper, Konmono (miscellaneous) and sentimental. When you start a category, you gather up all the items in that category. Yes, put all of your clothes in one space. Then you pick up each article of clothing and determine if you choose to keep it. You keep all the items that bring you joy. If you love it and feel warm and joyful when you hold it, you keep it. If you feel heavy and recognize that you haven’t worn it in a while, let it go.

Step 3: Find a home for what you decide to keep.

After deciding which items in each category spark joy, find a place for them. Clothing, for example, can be folded and stored. My company, Joy & Space LLC, has videos on YouTube that demonstrate the best folding method for shirts. Apply the adage “a place for everything and everything in its place.”

Collegians sharing a room have limited space, so they need to determine what they want their ideal setup to look like. Carefully choose each item in your room and use square boxes in drawers to help you fit everything. The clothes-folding method saves lots of space and makes it very easy to pack.

Alumnae often have the luxury of more space, but that also means more stuff. If you are starting a decluttering process, find one that is the best fit for you and your lifestyle. It’s important to be patient with yourself. The items in your home didn’t just get there overnight. It took time to accumulate them, so it will take time to let go. However, when you take the time to process what you have, express gratitude when you let things go and commit to taking care of what you are keeping, you’ll find you’ve cultivated a sense of contentment.

Focusing on health and wellness

Theresa Han-Markey (Alpha Gamma Chapter, University of Michigan) currently lives in Pinckney, Michigan. As a member of the Ann Arbor, MI Alumnae Chapter, she has held the office of President for two terms and is currently the chapter’s Vice President of Programming. After getting her undergraduate degree, she went to University of Kentucky to get a master’s degree in clinical nutrition and has been practicing as a registered dietitian since 1987. Currently, Theresa works at University of Michigan as a research dietitian.

“I also direct a dietetic internship program at our School of Public Health and teach a class in medical nutrition therapy,” Theresa explained. “I’ve asked some of my current trainees to weigh in on some healthful recommendations for collegians and alumnae alike as we ring in the new year.”

Basic concept: Mindfulness

“There has been a practice documented in the press for quite a while describing mindful eating, or really paying attention to what you eat and enjoying it,” Theresa said. “The concept also encompasses learning to pay attention to your body signals for hunger and fullness.”

“For example, all of us have experienced eating at our desks or in our cars while doing other tasks and not paying attention to what we just ate or drank,” she said. “Before you know it, you may have consumed a meal without even tasting any of it. Instead, try to eat one meal per week in a mindful fashion and you’ll reteach yourself to pay attention to your body’s satiety cues.”

Theresa also referenced using the basic concepts of SMART goals.

Here are Theresa’s step-by-step suggestions for improved health:

Pick a goal and make it SMART!

Seek support from your peers, family or co-workers.

Join online support groups on social media sites (i.e., Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, etc.) that can help keep you on track.

Use the “social spaces” or your support systems to hold yourself accountable to your SMART goals.  

Most of all, Theresa advocates that sisters should make whatever goal(s) they set “functional for their own lives.”

Managing personal finances

Amber Luczak (Alpha Psi Chapter, University of Missouri) lives in the suburbs of Chicago, Illinois, where she is a financial advisor with Edward Jones. Her experience with matters of finances can be traced back to her days as a collegian when she served as Alpha Psi Chapter’s Treasurer for two years. Amber holds a degree in corporate finance and banking and personal financial planning. As a Certified Financial Planner™ practitioner, she helps people from all aspects of life achieve their long-term financial goals.

“I chose to be a financial advisor because I wanted to make a difference in the community and help individual investors, families and business owners work toward achieving financial freedom,” Amber said. “The five primary goals I focus on include helping clients prepare for retirement, live in retirement, pay for a child’s or grandchild’s education, provide insurance and protection needs for themselves or loved ones, and prepare to pass on wealth to future generations.”

Once she understands what is important to her clients, Amber uses an established process to implement tailored solutions to help make sure her clients are on track to achieve their goals. She is committed to partnering and working with her clients for the rest of their lives.

“One of the first steps of the financial planning process, whether you are a collegian or alumna, is understanding your current situation—that includes understanding where your money goes each month,” Amber explained. “You have to know where you are in order to figure out where you’d like to be. You know how much you make, but do you really know how much you spend each month?”

Amber uses a budget and cash flow statement as a baseline when she starts working with her clients because without that information, it’s very difficult to make any progress toward saving for retirement, paying off student loan debt or purchasing a home.

Amber’s Advice

Set goals for yourself.

Start early. (The longer you wait, the more you’ll have to save.)

Maintain a budget and know where your money goes each month.

Keep your debt to a minimum and, if applicable, start repaying student loans as soon as possible.

Start saving for retirement. If available, take full advantage of your employer-sponsored retirement plan.

Pay yourself first by putting money into savings.

Contribute to a Roth IRA.

Work with a financial professional so you know you’re on the right track.

[socialattractionuk]

Woman goes viral with list of 20 questions to ask your partner before marriage

Some of the suggestions to discuss before marriage (Picture: Saag Jaan/Twitter)

If you’ve agreed to get married, you probably think you know your partner pretty well.

But one woman’s list of 20 questions to ask before walking down the aisle has gone viral with many people picking up on some things they hadn’t considered.

Saag Jaan, 21, from California, was previously in an arranged engagement but it ended before the wedding and she wanted to share some of the things she learned.

She told Metro.co.uk: ‘I was arranged in an engagement when I was 19 years old, but that ended due to irreconcilable differences because of my lack of commitment, educational ambitions and personal values.

‘I included what I thought was important all from personal experience.’

Saag's thread in full

DONT GET MARRIED BEFORE: a thread

1. Talk about DEBT 2. FULLY and WILLINGLY committing to one another. No “im not sure” and “what if’s” and “its not the right time.” you are either in or you’re OUT.

3. When/how many kids yall want (adoption? are one of you infertile? etc.)

4. Talking about STDs. Get checked. Seek medical help/informed professional knowledge. Keep those tests up to date and find ways to do so even within the marriage.

5. Talk about your 5-10 year timeline regarding career/education. Can you move? Willingness to relocate? etc.

6. Levels of religiosity. Openness to growth? Lack Thereof? Do you share fundamental CORE beliefs about life? VERY important.

7. Anger managements issues: do one of you struggle? Are you in therapy for it/taking it out on others? Seek help, bc it will destruct you and the future and the children….

8. Energy. Does it match? you decide. Follow your gut

9. CLOTHING: it may seem like a small problem but small things eventually ADD up. Make sure your expectations MATCH one another to full comfort

10. Sexual compatibility. Not going to go into details, but yall need to be on the same playing field. Consent wise, willingness to try things, traumas, etc… figure it out.

11. Finances: how do you intend on splitting bills? Gender roles? Taking the parents in during old age? etc.

12. Age doesn’t matter too much. In my experience it’s about the person & what their world views are. If you are young, make sure the person you’re with will allow you to keep growing at your own pace and in your own way. It’s called respect.

13. Opposite gender boundaries. Set what’s okay. What’s not okay. Hugs/handshakes/etc. I know it sounds tribal & trust should be there but you’d be surprised what people’s boundaries are. Better to know than not know

14. Social media: believe it or not, people WILL break up over this. Some prefer privacy. Some not. Get on the same page or you’ll be clowning on one another.

15. I mentioned this before, but SAVINGS. How much do y’all have earned & combined? How much is your intended salaries? Is it sustainable? Apartment? House? Condos? Etc. speak futuristically if it’s not smthing u can afford right now. Get on the same page.

16. What is cheating? Entanglements? Define your breaks? Breakups? Etc.

17. Physical and verbal abuse: what is and isn’t considered abusive language and decorum? Seek help, please. Professionals can always step in.

18. What are your dying wishes? Burial proceedings? What if one of you becomes paralyzed? God parents? Uncertain events? Death? Speak it. Speak on all of it.

19. Importantly, LOVE is not what keeps relationships going. An active commitment to LOVE, despite the downfalls, keeps it going. Get out the princess-king happily ever after mindset and you’ll be fine

20. I want everyone to notice how I failed to mention level of education, family or tribal background, ethnicity, job level, & all. It’s because none of this matters in the long run. Trust. you ain’t a good person based off superficial attributes.

Saag covers everything from money to ethics to STDs and your five to 10 year career plan.

After posting the thread at the end of last month, people started to share it.

It now has over 220,000 likes and 61,000 retweets and comments.

Some commented saying they loved the list and they wanted to bookmark it for when it came to getting married.

One person said: ‘I seriously love this. You mentioned so many points that are beneficial to a relationship that so many people miss going over before getting married.’

Another said: ‘This is AMAZING advice !! Someone posted on a fb group I’m on and I came to find the full thread wow it’s a gold mine of information for singles.’

One response said: ‘As someone who’s been married for almost 16yrs your thread is sound and comprehensive.

‘Good to discuss all of these things keeping in mind perfect match is impossible and compromise is necessary – a wise thread from someone who looks young. Well done.’

The 21-year-old was previously engaged (Picture: Saag Jaan/Twitter)

But others weren’t so sure and called the thread a little reductive.

One tweet added:’Not to sound carefree or irresponsible, but checking on literally every single possible thing just to make sure everything goes right afterwards doesn’t guarantee you won’t have issues later on. Marriage has its own learning curve and teaches on-the-job. This isn’t a PhD thesis.’

You’re right. But we minimize the damage as much as possible so this way, when people see fundamental flaws between each other they don’t actively try to change the other person. They just leave beforehand.

— Saag Jaan 🇦🇫 (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020

Another person said they felt these were things most people would discuss anyway.

Her tweet said: ‘I do love this thread as is mentions many great points but surely people talk about half of these before even thinking of getting married? Like I wouldn’t even think of marrying my partner if I didn’t already know half of this stuff.’

But Saag pointed out that it might seem obvious but she felt it was important to flag it all and give people something to think about.

In response, she said: ‘A lot of times young people aren’t developed enough to talk about half the shit I mentioned. Sometimes within family and culture, women’s desires are not respected or even asked about. It’s important for both individuals to have full say and ownership of their title.’

More: World

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Premier League clubs vote against five-sub rule ahead of new season

Two children fighting for life and three others badly injured after car crashes into tree

Although the thread meant a lot to her, Saag wasn’t expecting the response she got.

She added: ‘I didn’t think it would blow up. I usually talk to the wall with my followers because my engagement is a huge part of my current identity.

‘My followers and I usually discuss it on the twitter platform as a healing mechanism. I had no idea people would resonate with my words of wisdom but I’m glad they can learn from my past experiences.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch at metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.

MORE: Artist makes the most colourful bridal outfits after her own ‘fire’ wedding dress went viral

MORE: Influencer personal assistant job ad goes viral for ‘disgusting’ demands on potential employee

MORE: This brutal wedding invitation is going viral for separating people into groups

[shemakesmusic-uk]

INTERVIEW: Katie Von Schleicher.

Katie Von Schleicher’s deeply personal new album, Consummation, is out today via Full Time Hobby. While exploring past trauma, Von Schleicher greatly expands her sonic palette; its 13 shape-shifting songs are at once potent and listenable, strange and familiar, and, perhaps most of all, teeming with life. At its core, Consummation evokes the pain of being unable to bridge that vast psychic distance between oneself and another.  

The follow-up to her 2017 debut Shitty Hits, Consummation is, in part, inspired by an alternate interpretation of Hitchcock’s Vertigo. Von was struck by its largely unanalyzed subtext of abuse. She knew immediately that this hidden narrative, which spoke to her personal experience, would be the basis of her album. Rebecca Solnit’s A Field Guide to Getting Lost also proved to be particularly influential; soon after revisiting Vertigo, Von Schleicher stumbled upon Solnit’s lacerating take on the film, describing the “wandering, , stalking, haunting” of romantic pursuit that it depicts as “consummation,” while “real communion”—understanding and mutual respect between two lovers—is, to the men in the film, “unimaginable.” The consequence is a fundamental failure of communication.

We caught up with Katie and discussed the making of Consummation, what she would change about the music world today and much more. Read the interview below.

Hi Katie! We last spoke with you three years ago around the time that you released Shitty Hits. How has life been since then? And how have you been coping with the current lockdown?

"Lots of touring occurred after that. I’ve been fine, if I had to sum up three years in a sentence. I live in Brooklyn and I’m a little worried about the coming hot weather - the park is packed on any nice day. The lockdown is tough for creativity, surprisingly not terrible for my anxiety, bad for sleeping patterns."

You're gearing up to release your new LP Consummation which is, in part, inspired by an alternate interpretation of Hitchcock’s Vertigo.

"I started writing in late 2018 after watching Vertigo. The Weinstein scandal was everywhere, there were fresh lenses through which to see society and our experiences. I remember earlier that fall having dinner with my sisters and sisters-in-law, the six of us together with age gaps as much as twenty years and wide political differences of opinion. We discussed what was going on, it turned personal, and suddenly everyone was sharing their experiences with men. I’d never had a conversation like that with them before.

"I had anger. I grew up being friendly with a man who’d abused my mom because that’s considered private business, because domestic abusers don’t always get excommunicated and they certainly don’t get called out at the dinner table. It’s her business and she can laugh about it, because she’s strong as hell, and I respect that. We talked about it at the sibling dinner, and not everyone is in agreement that it even happened. That’s a side effect of silence.

"Hitchcock notedly was abusive to his leading women. Maybe that’s why Vertigo, which is so many films in one, felt more like watching A Woman Under The Influence that December than it had the first time, which is to say it felt like a character study of a woman falling apart under duress. It’s almost like Hitchcock inadvertently imbued it with the personal. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, that’s just how I felt, and I used it as a guiding principle. I knew the colors for the album would be blue and green, that I’d talk about heights (the working title was Climbing Mountains With Assholes, citing the movies Force Majeure and 45 Years, and that bell tower from Vertigo).

"The result isn’t transparently as heavy as all that, or as direct. It’s just what filled me up while I made the record."

What were your musical influences for Consummation? Who were you listening to around the time of writing it?

"I made a playlist for mix engineer Eli Crews this time around (he mixed Shitty Hits as well). It has Anne Laplantine, US Girls, Francis Bebey, Shuggie Otis, The Eureka Brass Band, Low, Robyn, Jenny Hval, Julia Holter, Frank Ocean, Cate Le Bon, Prince, Tim Hecker, Mitski, Kevin Ayers, Iceage. There are some people who’ve influenced me endlessly: Cate Le Bon, whose shows last year I legit teared up at. Arthur Russell, Elliott Smith always. Devo was one that surprised me this time around. I’m not sure if you can hear the influences, but on ‘Wheel’ there’s a ring modulator on my lead guitar, and that was directly influenced by Devo."

What was your songwriting/creative process for Consummation? Was it similar to Shitty Hits or did you do things differently this time around?

"I always do one thing, which is write in total solitude. That’s been coming up lately because I have a roommate, and I was explaining that I have a hard time writing with any kind of ‘perceived audibility.’ With Consummation I had a fresh set of intentions and I feel like I forced things to conform to them more than usual. I reached a new place with making music: I realized I’m going to write songs my whole life, no matter what, and that they won’t stop coming, and I stopped being afraid. Being less afraid made me able to work with more guidelines, to steer the songs more tightly, and to have more fun. ‘Messenger,’ ‘Loud,’ ‘Caged Sleep,’ ‘Wheel’, ‘Can You Help?’ and ‘Power’ were all rhythmically led. I worked with drum machines. I thought about tempo and I forced myself to write on guitar, which also has a different harmonic logic than what I do on a keyboard. Shitty Hits was far more keyboard-driven. Touring a lot made me want to play guitar more live, and make music that transported me differently than my previous set of songs."

What do you hope fans will take away from Consummation?

"Even more than allegiances to artists or albums or bodies of work, I love songs. I hope someone finds a magic song on the album, the kind of song you put on late at night, the kind of song that legitimizes how you feel. If the whole record has some of that, even better."

Let's talk about your most recent music video for 'Wheel', directed by V Haddad. How did the collaboration come about and what inspired the concept of the video?

"I’ve admired V’s work for a while, and found out she lives in LA, so imagined we couldn’t do anything together on this record. After quarantine took over I realized that no longer mattered, and I’m glad she wanted to do it. V came up with the concept from the dual inspiration of the music itself and the limitations of our abilities to leave the house."

You donated the budget of the video to Safe Horizon and are also fundraising for the charity via Spotify. What made you decide to do that and what does their cause mean to you?

"I’m still working on it for Spotify! I keep reaching out. We did donate the budget, so far. Donating her fee was also V’s suggestion. I had originally asked V to do a song called ‘Brutality,’ which is directly about domestic abuse, and I’m not sure if that informed part of her suggestion.

"It means a lot to me, only more over time. Abuse is absolutely isolating. I can’t imagine how the current situation compounds or intensifies that."

If you weren’t making music, what would you be doing?

"For the whole of my life? Impossible to say, but I have alternately looked at grad programs while in lockdown and played Mario Kart on Switch against some of my favorite songwriter friends. Maybe we’ll all become professionals at Kart someday."

With having more time to reflect on things these days, if there was one thing you could change about the music world, what would it be?

"There are more than a few things socially wrong with it, representation-wise. But if I had to do one single overhaul, I’d want to see music imbued with value again. Technological progress has changed the way we commodify everything, and as much as I enjoy the accessibility of streaming, I miss an album having value. I rented a car a couple years ago and drove down the coast of California and into the desert. We bought CDs at Amoeba Records in San Francisco because it only had a CD player, and so for a week we had only a few albums to choose from. In college I’d go to Twisted Village in Cambridge, MA, and take a chance on some truly weird shit, and sometimes I’d spent $18 on a CD I didn’t even like. Was it better? I’m going to relent and say not necessarily because I like that artists are thrown together on playlists on a streaming platform, honestly. Small artists get heard, but they get a spin. The psychology is different, it’s not just that as listeners we don’t value ownership of an album enough to make ourselves live with it for weeks at a time. It’s that as a musician I think the product is also devalued. The advice I get, from the business side, is to release music constantly, because that’s the new way to get attention, just never stop. A lockdown occurs, your album’s about to come out, and someone says the solution is to make and release singles into the ether. Avid listeners may relate to this - something you love wasn’t necessarily your favorite thing on the first three to five spins, even. The music that’s really mattered in my life, thanks a lot to finding it pre-streaming, was something I barely understood at first and came to understand through a bit of meeting it halfway. The psychology, as an artist, of making things constantly because you know it won’t be met halfway, is a bummer. The potential outcome is a lot of sonic conformity."

Finally, are you working on anything at the moment during quarantine? And what do you have planned when all of it blows over? I expect you're keen to get out on the road to tour the album?

"My mindset is that this may be a long haul, and I don’t know exactly how to prepare for trying to play an album live for the first time on the year anniversary of its release. I hope to tour again, I hope my lovely booking agents are able to stay in business. Right now I’m working on a collection of songs that will be recorded to tape with strings and woodwinds and orchestration. Beautiful, lush, tranquil, those are the goals - and it’s nice to just let them be what they are. In the meantime I may throw a few singles into the ether."

Consummation is out now.

Photo credit: Shervin Lainez

[nutrifami]

How to Make Money with SEO in 2019 - Whiteboard Friday

Posted by randfish

Making money with SEO today is nowhere near the same practice it was in 2009. Sketchy, manipulative practices and simple, straightforward tweaks no longer do the job — to be successful in 2019, you need to be smart, strategic, and in tune with what searchers want. Rand Fishkin outlines three steps you need to have down if your goal is to improve your bottom line with the help of SEO.

Click on the whiteboard image above to open a high-resolution version in a new tab!

Video Transcription

Howdy, Moz fans, and welcome to another edition of Whiteboard Friday. This week we are talking about how to make money with SEO. Now, for many of you who might be watching this video because perhaps you have googled or searched on YouTube about how to make money with SEO, well, what I want to do is talk about how that practice has changed dramatically in the last 10 years.

In 2009, if you were searching for how to make money with SEO, there were a lot of sketchy and manipulative and actually relatively simplistic, straightforward things that you could do to make money online with SEO, and that has changed. That is not the case anymore, and I think this is why you see so many people who are in worlds like affiliate marketing and the worlds of creating small websites and many networks of small websites and trying to sell relatively simplistic, unbranded products or services or advertising revenue, that a lot of those sites have disappeared. Certainly part of that is because the margins on many of those products has gone way down. Some of it is big competition from many new entrants, including big companies like Amazon, but many others as well.

A big part of this is the way that you think about making money online and how you might be able to use SEO to do that. Now if you are not one of those folks who's trying to do that and you are instead a professional marketer, I still think this video is going to be very valuable for you because there are a few key sources of change that have been brought to our industry by what Google has done and what websites have done and how users behave that shift a lot of this thinking. So stick with me.

Step 1: Find (or create!) a business/website that fits important criteria

If you want to make money online in the SEO world in 2019, your general step one is to either find and buy or create a new business or a website that fits some important criteria or to modify a website you've already got to fit these important criteria. 

A) Produces a relatively high amount of gross margin per search visitor

The first one is you want a relatively high amount of gross margin per search visit. This is fundamentally different from the past. In the past, I knew plenty of people who built their living in the SEO world with, "A visitor is worth a penny to me. A visitor is worth a hundredth of a penny to me, but it doesn't matter because I can make up for it in volume." But today, earning search visitors is so much more challenging than in the past, especially for a new website or an emerging one or a startup, that I believe you need this high gross margin to be able to do that.

So you want to find people who are searching for a variety of things. I want this thing. Do a search. Come to your site. Take an action of some kind. That could be sign up for an email list. It could be view some advertising. It could be actually buy a physical product or buy a software product, whatever it is. You make revenue that is significantly more than the cost of serving that customer, the cost to you of maintaining the website, doing the marketing, your time and hours and whoever else you employ, keeping the lights on, paying the bills and the taxes, and the product itself, whatever you're shipping or whatever you're creating and serving, software, advertising, etc.

B.) Inspires/incentivizes users to amplify their experience and your brand

Then it inspires and incentivizes users to amplify their experience and as a result your brand. You might say like, "Well, why do I need that? Why do I need someone who's going to go and share?" Not every visitor, but you need a certain percent of people to go and say, "Gosh, their site is great. I am going to post about it on my social media. I'm going to link to it. I'm going to talk to my friends about it. When people see this thing that I've made, I'm going to say, 'Oh, it came from such and such place.'" You need that because these types of online and offline word of mouth and amplification is core to a business' survival on the web, and that is fundamentally different than 10 years ago.

Ten years ago you could do a lot of sketchy, spammy, manipulative stuff to earn links and to earn rankings. Google has removed almost all of that ability for 99% of websites, especially in the English language world. If you are operating in other languages, especially where Google's Web Spam Team has not done as well, there's still some more of those opportunities. But generally speaking, this is crucial. You need people who are going to link to you and amplify you.

C.) Over time, creates branded demand rather than generic search behavior

You need a business that fits the criteria of over time it creates branded demand rather than generic search behavior. Why? Because otherwise you do not create a competitive advantage that is sustainable with time, and other people who do will certainly recognize that and enter your field and compete with you and put you out of business.

"I want this thing" is a fine search phrase to target for your SEO. But you know what's way easier? "I want yoursite.com." When you have people searching for your brand and your branded products or the keywords that they were searching for generically plus your brand as a word in there, what they're saying is, "Google, don't serve me up just any result. Take me to that website." That is a competitive advantage, a barrier to entry that has huge amounts of protection for you as a business owner.

Step 2: Design a unique value prop/strategy that resonates with searcher intent & produces search-optimized content that people want to link to

All right, step two. You've found a business that fits these criteria or you've created one or you've modified your business such that it does this. Great. Now you need to design a unique value prop and a strategy that does a couple of things. It's got to resonate with searcher intent, meaning you are serving what searchers actually want rather than just serving searchers with what you want them to do but that does not actually serve them. This is because Google has gotten too sophisticated about being able to match searcher intent with the keyword phrases and rank the sites that solve the searcher's problem.

Ten years ago, that was not the case. Ten years ago, in 2009, someone could search for "best pasta," and you could serve them up a site that tried to sell them a certain kind of pasta as opposed to comparing a bunch of different brands and varieties and trying to truly serve the searcher's intent. That's almost impossible today. There are a few exceptions, but those gaps are closing rapidly.

It also needs to produce search-optimized content that people and publications want to link to. Totally different from 2009, when you could manipulate the link graph, acquire links in ways that searchers didn't necessarily love, but Google would put you on top anyway and you could sort of take advantage of that for a while. Not the case. Now you need people to want to link to you, to have a reason to link to you. Otherwise, you will not be able to get those top ranking positions.

A.) Build a keyword research list

So first, build a keyword research list. You can use Moz's Keyword Explorer, which is what I personally use. But there are many keyword research tools out there on the web. You can type in phrases. I love Italian food, so I'm using examples like that, so "best pancetta," "3-year aged parmigiano," "Rustichella d'Abruzzo," which is like this pasta variety that I personally think is the best one out there. There's search volume, there's difficulty, and there's click-through rate percentages. So I'm building this list. You can go check out the videos on keyword research if you want to dive deeper on this. 

Start your keyword research list

B.) Answer 3 questions

But essentially I want this list because I want to be able to answer some questions about the search phrases and terms that I'm targeting with my business.

1. What will I create to be 10X better than what's currently ranking on page one?

First, what will I create to be 10 times better than what's already ranking on page one for these terms? If I search for "best pancetta" and I cannot come up with a way that I think I could outperform, have a better web page than what everyone else has got there, what's my competitive advantage? How am I going to take that over? You better come up with those things. I need those answers for the crucial terms and phrases that I'm going after, that are going to bring me the gross margin dollars that I need for my product, my services, my advertising, what have you.

2. Who will help amplify/link to this and why?

Second, when I produce that content, who will help amplify or link to this and why? Who will help amplify this and why? If you don't have a great answer to that question, don't publish the piece. Wait until you do. Find that great answer, because you need that amplification in order to perform, especially in the earliest stages. Once you have lots of links, high domain authority, lots of visibility in Google, you can put a lot of things out there on the web and basically coast on your brand's strength and the fact that Google already likes your domain and is going to bias toward you. But in the early stages, when you have a new business, not the case.

3. How will I build a moat that can protect against Google's own incursion into these results?

Third, how will I build a moat around this business that can protect from potential incursions by Google themselves? If you look at the search results today versus 2009, you will see a dramatic difference, which is that Google's results, from Google Maps to Google's own instant answers to their featured snippets to their tabs and systems where they try and answer a query fully with their own stuff, Google Travel, Google Flights, Google Hotels, the list goes on and on and on and on, they are taking away a lot of that opportunity, and you need to have a way to protect yourself from that. One of those ways is certainly branded search. Another way is to make sure that the words and phrases that you're going after, especially early on, are not ones where you have to compete with Google themselves.

Step 3: Find what customers do before they search for high-competition keywords/around your topics

Step three, finally, find what customers do before they search for these high-value keywords to you, high competition keywords around your topics. What do they search for before they get to that? What do they search for around that stuff? How can I capture this customer prior to that money search? Then I can create a new keyword research list and a new set of content that I'm going to create to target those people, which will be vastly easier to capture them earlier in their buying cycle, earlier in their potential funnel.

Exposure keywords

So exposure keywords would be things like "carbonara recipe." Someone's going to search for carbonara and how to make it before they ever look up, "Now, where do I get pancetta?" This one potentially is easier to rank for than this one. This may be an imperfect example. But "types of parmesan" -- first off the English American spelling -- versus "3-year aged parmigiano," this is a transactional keyword. I know what I want. This is an "I'm still learning about this" thing. You're going to need content in both of those worlds.

"Pasta brands," I'm learning. "Rustichella d'Abruzzo," I know what I want. Got to serve both.

Influencer-targeted content

Finally, as part of step three, you want to find what link-likely sources are willing to cover. What is going to be the thing that gets you the amplification? Sometimes it's not the same thing as the exposure keywords or the money keywords. So you need content that is going to affect influential publications and people, things like, "Okay, we're going to produce a piece. It doesn't necessarily serve a lot of searchers, but we know we can get links to it. We know people will tweet about it. We know they'll post to their Facebook page. We know they might talk about it on Instagram."

"The best American cities for Italian food," ooh, competition between American cities, whoever it is, whatever, Philadelphia, we put them low in the rankings. New York, we put them high in the rankings. They're going to fight about it relentlessly. Tons of people are going to talk about it. The "New York Post" is going to write about it. "The Philadelphia Inquirer" is going to be all pissed about it. Great.

"Where to visit in Italy if you're really just there for the meals." Hmm, that's the kind of thing someone would cover. "Cooking pasta in cold water isn't madness. It's better." What? I actually do this, by the way. I do recommend starting pasta in cold water. We'll talk about that in another episode when I have my cooking set up here. But regardless, the idea behind this is that I have influencer and publication targeted content in addition to exposure keywords and money keywords.

This sort of strategic thinking is how you can make money with a new business, a new website in 2019, and it is vastly different from what you saw 10 years ago.

All right, everyone. I hope you've enjoyed this. Look forward to your comments. We'll see you again next week for another edition of Whiteboard Friday. Take care.

Video transcription by Speechpad.com

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[localwebmgmt]

How to Make Money with SEO in 2019 - Whiteboard Friday

Posted by randfish

Making money with SEO today is nowhere near the same practice it was in 2009. Sketchy, manipulative practices and simple, straightforward tweaks no longer do the job — to be successful in 2019, you need to be smart, strategic, and in tune with what searchers want. Rand Fishkin outlines three steps you need to have down if your goal is to improve your bottom line with the help of SEO.

Click on the whiteboard image above to open a high-resolution version in a new tab!

Video Transcription

Howdy, Moz fans, and welcome to another edition of Whiteboard Friday. This week we are talking about how to make money with SEO. Now, for many of you who might be watching this video because perhaps you have googled or searched on YouTube about how to make money with SEO, well, what I want to do is talk about how that practice has changed dramatically in the last 10 years.

In 2009, if you were searching for how to make money with SEO, there were a lot of sketchy and manipulative and actually relatively simplistic, straightforward things that you could do to make money online with SEO, and that has changed. That is not the case anymore, and I think this is why you see so many people who are in worlds like affiliate marketing and the worlds of creating small websites and many networks of small websites and trying to sell relatively simplistic, unbranded products or services or advertising revenue, that a lot of those sites have disappeared. Certainly part of that is because the margins on many of those products has gone way down. Some of it is big competition from many new entrants, including big companies like Amazon, but many others as well.

A big part of this is the way that you think about making money online and how you might be able to use SEO to do that. Now if you are not one of those folks who's trying to do that and you are instead a professional marketer, I still think this video is going to be very valuable for you because there are a few key sources of change that have been brought to our industry by what Google has done and what websites have done and how users behave that shift a lot of this thinking. So stick with me.

Step 1: Find (or create!) a business/website that fits important criteria

If you want to make money online in the SEO world in 2019, your general step one is to either find and buy or create a new business or a website that fits some important criteria or to modify a website you've already got to fit these important criteria. 

A) Produces a relatively high amount of gross margin per search visitor

The first one is you want a relatively high amount of gross margin per search visit. This is fundamentally different from the past. In the past, I knew plenty of people who built their living in the SEO world with, "A visitor is worth a penny to me. A visitor is worth a hundredth of a penny to me, but it doesn't matter because I can make up for it in volume." But today, earning search visitors is so much more challenging than in the past, especially for a new website or an emerging one or a startup, that I believe you need this high gross margin to be able to do that.

So you want to find people who are searching for a variety of things. I want this thing. Do a search. Come to your site. Take an action of some kind. That could be sign up for an email list. It could be view some advertising. It could be actually buy a physical product or buy a software product, whatever it is. You make revenue that is significantly more than the cost of serving that customer, the cost to you of maintaining the website, doing the marketing, your time and hours and whoever else you employ, keeping the lights on, paying the bills and the taxes, and the product itself, whatever you're shipping or whatever you're creating and serving, software, advertising, etc.

B.) Inspires/incentivizes users to amplify their experience and your brand

Then it inspires and incentivizes users to amplify their experience and as a result your brand. You might say like, "Well, why do I need that? Why do I need someone who's going to go and share?" Not every visitor, but you need a certain percent of people to go and say, "Gosh, their site is great. I am going to post about it on my social media. I'm going to link to it. I'm going to talk to my friends about it. When people see this thing that I've made, I'm going to say, 'Oh, it came from such and such place.'" You need that because these types of online and offline word of mouth and amplification is core to a business' survival on the web, and that is fundamentally different than 10 years ago.

Ten years ago you could do a lot of sketchy, spammy, manipulative stuff to earn links and to earn rankings. Google has removed almost all of that ability for 99% of websites, especially in the English language world. If you are operating in other languages, especially where Google's Web Spam Team has not done as well, there's still some more of those opportunities. But generally speaking, this is crucial. You need people who are going to link to you and amplify you.

C.) Over time, creates branded demand rather than generic search behavior

You need a business that fits the criteria of over time it creates branded demand rather than generic search behavior. Why? Because otherwise you do not create a competitive advantage that is sustainable with time, and other people who do will certainly recognize that and enter your field and compete with you and put you out of business.

"I want this thing" is a fine search phrase to target for your SEO. But you know what's way easier? "I want yoursite.com." When you have people searching for your brand and your branded products or the keywords that they were searching for generically plus your brand as a word in there, what they're saying is, "Google, don't serve me up just any result. Take me to that website." That is a competitive advantage, a barrier to entry that has huge amounts of protection for you as a business owner.

Step 2: Design a unique value prop/strategy that resonates with searcher intent & produces search-optimized content that people want to link to

All right, step two. You've found a business that fits these criteria or you've created one or you've modified your business such that it does this. Great. Now you need to design a unique value prop and a strategy that does a couple of things. It's got to resonate with searcher intent, meaning you are serving what searchers actually want rather than just serving searchers with what you want them to do but that does not actually serve them. This is because Google has gotten too sophisticated about being able to match searcher intent with the keyword phrases and rank the sites that solve the searcher's problem.

Ten years ago, that was not the case. Ten years ago, in 2009, someone could search for "best pasta," and you could serve them up a site that tried to sell them a certain kind of pasta as opposed to comparing a bunch of different brands and varieties and trying to truly serve the searcher's intent. That's almost impossible today. There are a few exceptions, but those gaps are closing rapidly.

It also needs to produce search-optimized content that people and publications want to link to. Totally different from 2009, when you could manipulate the link graph, acquire links in ways that searchers didn't necessarily love, but Google would put you on top anyway and you could sort of take advantage of that for a while. Not the case. Now you need people to want to link to you, to have a reason to link to you. Otherwise, you will not be able to get those top ranking positions.

A.) Build a keyword research list

So first, build a keyword research list. You can use Moz's Keyword Explorer, which is what I personally use. But there are many keyword research tools out there on the web. You can type in phrases. I love Italian food, so I'm using examples like that, so "best pancetta," "3-year aged parmigiano," "Rustichella d'Abruzzo," which is like this pasta variety that I personally think is the best one out there. There's search volume, there's difficulty, and there's click-through rate percentages. So I'm building this list. You can go check out the videos on keyword research if you want to dive deeper on this. 

Start your keyword research list

B.) Answer 3 questions

But essentially I want this list because I want to be able to answer some questions about the search phrases and terms that I'm targeting with my business.

1. What will I create to be 10X better than what's currently ranking on page one?

First, what will I create to be 10 times better than what's already ranking on page one for these terms? If I search for "best pancetta" and I cannot come up with a way that I think I could outperform, have a better web page than what everyone else has got there, what's my competitive advantage? How am I going to take that over? You better come up with those things. I need those answers for the crucial terms and phrases that I'm going after, that are going to bring me the gross margin dollars that I need for my product, my services, my advertising, what have you.

2. Who will help amplify/link to this and why?

Second, when I produce that content, who will help amplify or link to this and why? Who will help amplify this and why? If you don't have a great answer to that question, don't publish the piece. Wait until you do. Find that great answer, because you need that amplification in order to perform, especially in the earliest stages. Once you have lots of links, high domain authority, lots of visibility in Google, you can put a lot of things out there on the web and basically coast on your brand's strength and the fact that Google already likes your domain and is going to bias toward you. But in the early stages, when you have a new business, not the case.

3. How will I build a moat that can protect against Google's own incursion into these results?

Third, how will I build a moat around this business that can protect from potential incursions by Google themselves? If you look at the search results today versus 2009, you will see a dramatic difference, which is that Google's results, from Google Maps to Google's own instant answers to their featured snippets to their tabs and systems where they try and answer a query fully with their own stuff, Google Travel, Google Flights, Google Hotels, the list goes on and on and on and on, they are taking away a lot of that opportunity, and you need to have a way to protect yourself from that. One of those ways is certainly branded search. Another way is to make sure that the words and phrases that you're going after, especially early on, are not ones where you have to compete with Google themselves.

Step 3: Find what customers do before they search for high-competition keywords/around your topics

Step three, finally, find what customers do before they search for these high-value keywords to you, high competition keywords around your topics. What do they search for before they get to that? What do they search for around that stuff? How can I capture this customer prior to that money search? Then I can create a new keyword research list and a new set of content that I'm going to create to target those people, which will be vastly easier to capture them earlier in their buying cycle, earlier in their potential funnel.

Exposure keywords

So exposure keywords would be things like "carbonara recipe." Someone's going to search for carbonara and how to make it before they ever look up, "Now, where do I get pancetta?" This one potentially is easier to rank for than this one. This may be an imperfect example. But "types of parmesan" -- first off the English American spelling -- versus "3-year aged parmigiano," this is a transactional keyword. I know what I want. This is an "I'm still learning about this" thing. You're going to need content in both of those worlds.

"Pasta brands," I'm learning. "Rustichella d'Abruzzo," I know what I want. Got to serve both.

Influencer-targeted content

Finally, as part of step three, you want to find what link-likely sources are willing to cover. What is going to be the thing that gets you the amplification? Sometimes it's not the same thing as the exposure keywords or the money keywords. So you need content that is going to affect influential publications and people, things like, "Okay, we're going to produce a piece. It doesn't necessarily serve a lot of searchers, but we know we can get links to it. We know people will tweet about it. We know they'll post to their Facebook page. We know they might talk about it on Instagram."

"The best American cities for Italian food," ooh, competition between American cities, whoever it is, whatever, Philadelphia, we put them low in the rankings. New York, we put them high in the rankings. They're going to fight about it relentlessly. Tons of people are going to talk about it. The "New York Post" is going to write about it. "The Philadelphia Inquirer" is going to be all pissed about it. Great.

"Where to visit in Italy if you're really just there for the meals." Hmm, that's the kind of thing someone would cover. "Cooking pasta in cold water isn't madness. It's better." What? I actually do this, by the way. I do recommend starting pasta in cold water. We'll talk about that in another episode when I have my cooking set up here. But regardless, the idea behind this is that I have influencer and publication targeted content in addition to exposure keywords and money keywords.

This sort of strategic thinking is how you can make money with a new business, a new website in 2019, and it is vastly different from what you saw 10 years ago.

All right, everyone. I hope you've enjoyed this. Look forward to your comments. We'll see you again next week for another edition of Whiteboard Friday. Take care.

Video transcription by Speechpad.com

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