#and especially the variety and willingness they have to try out different things

[misskamelie]

It's very nice to see how certain crafts are being approached by more and more people (ex. Drawing, music, writing, etc), but I hope this won't make people be less suprised by the qualities of the professionals of the field

[soapoet]

PJO pick-a-card reading

Annabeth Chase; Your ideal career

01.

You would do best with a career that allows you to add your own touch. You could feel drawn to the prospect of entrepreneurship for a reason, and that is your inate ability to understand, follow, and set trends. You may rarely inspire neutrality, as you are either adored or disliked. This can cause you some hesitation in approaching anything self-made. Nobody wants to be put on blast or have their name dragged through the dirt the second they make a mistake, especially under circumstances where you are left alone to take the blame without a team to lean on, but you do have the benefit of forethought and diplomacy to avoid the worst of it. So long as you stay true to yourself and stay genuine, you have little to fear.

You inspire others, and thus you would do well in showcasing yourself and your lifestyle, your interests and your ideas for others. You would do well in business and in sales, as well as communications. You do well with people and are able to meet others with authenticity and really hear people. You could use your skills to promote important causes or rally people towards necessary changes. A career which allows you to travel and explore the world and write home about it would be very fitting. You can easily embrace different cultures and aren't afraid of trying new things, and your desire and willingness to learn new things is quite endearing and soften up your edges, inviting more warmth to how people perceive you. A chance to provide new solutions to problems or rework how things are done by inventing or designing something new could be really successful for you.

02.

Your best bet career wise would be to turn your passion projects into more than a thing you do on the side. You're creative and may really struggle when you feel unable to extend past limitations set by others. You enjoy variety and are drawn to more unusual concepts or ways of doing things. This creativity could lend itself to many things, but to name a few you would find yourself at ease within art and music, various online endeavours, writing and design. Though you may very well be introverted or simply a little, perhaps consider yourself a little socially awkward, you would do very well when involved with people. In any job, your clientele is met with a friendly and genuine demeanour as you try to meet people as unique individuals with their own stories and needs. You could be drawn to working with animals too, as your compassionate nature lends itself well to helping not just other humans, but animals, and the planet at large.

You could dread the thought of being in the spotlight, but the kind of following you would attract would feel quite familiar to you and rather easy for you to intract with when necessary. If you were to publish a book as an example, your readers would be drawn to your work out of the inherent mutual interest in its themes and thus make interactions fluid rather than awkward. You could even consider some anonymity to protect yourself. Fun will matter a lot in whether a career fits you or not. Work will always be work, but ideally it isn't all work and no play. Having a team of kindred spirits working towards a goal helps in this regard. Even if you wish to fly solo, you're collaborative and would benefit from teamwork and helping others, as well as allowing others to help you in return.

03.

Career wise you may want a little bit of a challenge, and plenty of opportunities for advancement and change. You're ambitious and cunning, and would do well in structured environments. To name a few, you could find it fitting to pursue academia, medicine, science, law, journalism, or anything else which allows you to use your wits and ability to learn and internalize new information. You are organised and steadfast, and a phenomenal problem solver. You could invest yourself in things that leave an impact on society, such as pursuing changes in the juridical sector, pedagogy and education, health care, or politics. Dissertations, articles, or other written works of you could prove very successful and provide objectivity in a world which is ever-increasingly divisive.

You're prone to stress, however, so creating a proper work-life balance is of upmost importance. Knowing when to step away and take a break is a skill that once mastered, you'll be able to wield it in favour of your productivity and take greater leaps in your career. Remember that you work best when you're not ill, aching, and burnt out. Due to your ability to multitask and see many things through, you could work on passion projects on the side. Ex. criminologist moonlighting as a poet or a songwriter. This duality would benefit you as a side hustle which aligns with what you may consider a mere hobby could end up providing you with extra income, which you can use to take good care of yourself and make sure you get to play too.

[eldritchmochi]

(i hope this doesn't come across as rude, i'm just genuinely confused) i saw your tags on a post you reblogged about how you like to jerk off to the thought of your work crush, and that you're aspec. but i thought the whole point of being aspec is that you *don't* feel sexual attraction? isn't thinking of someone to gain sexual pleasure also sexual attraction to that person? isn't wanting to have sex with someone sexual attraction to that person? i can't imagine jerking off to someone i'm not attracted to so maybe i'm just close-minded but what you said really doesn't sound aspec at all. again i'm not trying to be rude, i'm just not aspec so i really don't understand how *not* feeling sexual attraction can be a spectrum, but feeling sexual attraction apparently isn't a spectrum??

not rude imo! i am happy to play educator!!

so tldr, i have a particularly complicated relationship to.... relationships. i tend to label myself as broadly "aspec" as a whole as shorthand for expressing that i dont really experience attraction but it, like basically all the labels i use, isn't wholly accurate for my personal experience because labels--especially queer identity labels--are a broad stroke generalization for very individualized personal experiences of the same general gestures thing. not everyone who shares the labels i use for myself will agree with the way i use them or even the fact that i DO use them (hi, he/him bi lesbian here, eat me) and thats totally okay, as long as they mind their manners

i find "aspec" used as a specifically nonspecific umbrella micro label is convenient shorthand for the whole not really experiencing attraction thing because its more true than not. i really dont "really" experience attraction, either sexual or romantic..... except for when i do. those instances of attraction however are so incredibly rare that they're an exception, not the rule. i'm in my thirties and consider that tally to be two people i have legit thirsted after and possibly two??? people i am Romantically In Love With (as opposed to just In Love With, which is different for me, because i love all my friends in unique ways because they're unique people i have a unique relationship with, but i digress) (ftr i am not 100% sure on the romance bit because its *incredibly* hard for me to sus out the difference between my feelings for these particular people compared to everyone else i love because i just kinda go on vibes: if i'm happy with someone, i'm happy, and i dont really feel the need to Officially Label things)

btw, "aspec" as in asexual (and in my case aromantic) spectrum is very much a spectrum my dude, and that spectrum people generally report on does include occasional incidental attraction. other axis often involved in the spectrum are things like libido or even general willingness or interest in interactions that involve sex (or romance, or both!). some folks enjoy having sex and seek it out despite not experiencing sexual attraction, with or without a libido. some people are completely sex adverse when it comes to sexual situations involving themselves but will engage with sexual content, such as porn/erotica/virtual roleplay. some people want nothing do do with bumping uglies literally or figuratively. some people are absolutely baffled when it turns out no they just wanna bump uglies with this one particular person and they will DIE if they dont why are humans wired like this its SO INCONVENIENT (shhhhh dont ask me how i know). there are a ton of microlabels for any and all generalization of experience within the a-spec spectrum because there is just a HUGE variety of experiences but i personally dont like them for myself cos im a vague-as-possible kinda guy

so: complicated relationship with relationships and a complete disregard for the "rules" some people wanna insist on when it comes to identity labels. a buddy of mine has described me as her friend who is "all queer identities at once" which, yeah, i'm into that, its a good summation

i would also like to note for our viewers at home that you are totally allowed to stick yourself in whatever box feels right at the time, even if you change boxes a bazillion times or put a peet in a bunch of different boxes all at once, or play musical chairs with the boxes, or whatever. theyre made up and the points dont matter, what matters is having some facsimile of language to communicate an aspect of your experience to allow for communication and conversation about that experience, not that you tick off a check list of required traits to get your box assigned to you by The Committee. go forth, be weird, love freely, eat the rich, and fuck the (thought) police

[mochibdsm]

on mutual consent agreements

Consent is a critical component of sexual play that is dependent on honest, mutual communication and respect for boundaries, especially when it comes to risky sexual behavior. A group that understands the nuances of consent and focuses on “safe, sane, and consensual” behavior is the BDSM/Kink community. BDSM involves a variety of erotic practices and stands for Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism, whereas kink is non-conventional sexual practice or fantasies. Because these behaviors often involve physical and/or psychological risk, consensual communication is the foundation of these practices. Communication about consent involves “negotiation” about what will and won’t occur in a “scene,” or an erotic encounter, before any play occurs and continued verbal and non-verbal communication. Even if you aren’t planning on getting kinky or visiting a dungeon, you can still learn lessons on practicing consent from how BDSM/kink negotiations, or what we will call “mutual consent agreements,” are established.

Why Should You Care About Mutual Consent Agreements? A mutual agreement is a process by which boundaries, activities, and parties involved in a sexual encounter are mutually and openly discussed and agreed upon before engaging in play. In other words, mutual consent agreements help establish and maintain consent! Think of a mutual consent agreement as an agreed-upon menu of sexual acts and how you may “bring them to the table” during the experience. Besides the need for consent, everything else in a sexual encounter can be up for interpretation, so a mutual consent agreement allows you to come to a consensus about expectations, intentions, and safety (Devon & Miller, 1995). It’s better to set a precedent for open communication earlier on than to try to establish communication in the middle of the experience or to violate someone’s boundaries because they weren’t discussed (Harris, 2018). By the time you may need to give your partner(s) guidance, communication has already been established and they have an idea of where to start (Harris, 2018). If you clearly communicate your needs and desires, you’ll be more present because you won’t be worried about your partner predicting what you want or be distracted by them doing something you don’t like (Devon & Miller,1995). When you know what your partner(s) want(s), you can focus on their pleasure rather than worry about reading their mind.

Basics of Communication in Mutual Consent Agreements Before getting into the how-tos of mutual consent agreements, let’s cover some of the basics. First, when discussing with your partner(s) about what they do and don’t want out of sexual activity, listen carefully! People may have a hard time saying what they really mean, especially when it comes to sex. If someone isn’t clear, gently ask for clarification until you fully understand, and reflect back what you heard to make sure you have it right. It’s best to approach sexual topics with an open mind, a desire to understand, and a willingness to accept what your partner(s) is/are into even if you aren’t into it yourself (Devon & Miller, 1995). This doesn’t mean you should accept non-consensual behavior and it certainly doesn’t mean you should do anything that you do not freely and enthusiastically want to do; it means that you should listen without judgment and respect that we all like different things, which is good! The BDSM respect rule is this: Don’t yuck someone’s yum, and don’t judge someone’s hard limits. Lastly, opening up about intimate topics is hard, so when establishing consent, give yourself and your partner(s) credit and show gratitude!

When Possible, Discuss Beforehand! Arousal can cloud your judgement, and once you’re already naked or in the middle of an act, there can be pressure to rush through a discussion (Harris, 2015). To make sure you cover all of your bases, it’s always best to have a thorough conversation to establish a mutual agreement before beginning any play. Although you should continue to check in for consent throughout the encounter, establishing an agreement beforehand allows you to know what to do to make an encounter as enjoyable as possible while reducing the risk of doing something a partner dislikes or violating their consent (Harris, 2015).

Have an Inventory in Mind and Use It! In the kink/BDSM play “negotiation,” kink inventories are often used. Although you may not be planning on engaging in kinky behavior, a yes/no/maybe list of potential sexual behaviors and situations can be very helpful in establishing your menu for the evening. Not only does it help you cover your bases as far as possible behaviors, it may even get some creative juices flowing and spark new ideas for play! An example of a yes/no/maybe list is our Informed Consent Agreement Checklist (see below) that you can use as a template to create your own! One way to do this is to each fill out a list and compare responses, or you can go through the list together. Mutual yeses can be an easy place to start, but it’s also valuable to talk about maybes and noes; not to change minds but to understand how someone feels about certain activities (Harris, 2018). For mutual yeses you should establish what is meant by all parties, how long or intense play will be, and when and where it will occur. It can also be useful to find out if any activities are always yeses that don’t require explicit permission or if you should always check in first (Harris, 2018).

Likes, Boundaries, and Hard Limits When coming to a mutual consent agreement, you and your partner(s) should discuss not only what you would like to do, but also what things you don’t want to do, things that are absolutely not okay to do, and what the limits are to what you want to do. For example, you may want to have sex and like being spanked, but only lightly, and you might not want to be choked and draw hard limits at face slapping. This builds the basis of what will happen in the “scene” and what the boundaries of consent are for all those involved (Harris, 2018). It’s important for everyone involved to be familiar with what their “yeses and noes” are. It helps to practice emotional and physical awareness of when you like, dislike, or are uncomfortable with something. We often “don’t know what we don’t know,” or don’t think about, so a yes/no/maybe list can be used to jog our memory and make us aware of our “yucks” and “yums.”

Likes Likes are the things that you need, want, expect, and desire in sexual encounters. They’re also what turns you on, what roles you like, and what feelings you want to have. Likes are your yeses, but they can also be maybes, like when you like something, but only in certain circumstances.

Boundaries It’s also important to think about things you don’t want to do, called boundaries or limits. Limits include things you don’t like being called, places or ways you don’t like to be touched, situations you don’t like to play in, or ways you don’t want to feel (Harris, 2018). People have limits you might not expect, so make sure your partner(s) explicitly express(es) their limits to you so emotional or physical boundaries aren’t crossed, and find out what to do in case this accidentally occurs. You can clearly establish a boundary by coupling it with a request, allowing you to establish a mutual activity while making it clear how far you’d like to go (Harris, 2018). For example, you can say that you like to be kissed but not on the neck. When you communicate limits about how you feel, make sure you express what sexual acts make you feel that way, and when discussing limits always make sure your partner(s) is/are listening and understand!

Hard Limits Hard limits are boundaries that you always maintain, or things past your limits that you would never do. While your limits may change day to day, hard limits tend to stay stable and should never be pushed or tested by anyone other than yourself (Harris, 2018). Things you may have hard limits around include: parts of your body you never want touched, language you aren’t comfortable with like names, body part names, humilation etc., what sex acts you do, what bodily fluids are okay, pain, or breaking the skin.

Saying and Hearing a “No” Gracefully A common BDSM saying is: “if you can’t trust someone’s no, you can’t trust their yes” (Harris, 2018). When your partner(s) can confidently say no to you, you can be more confident that when they say yes that they enthusiastically mean it (Harris, 2018). You can feel more confident in asking to do more adventurous things when you can trust your partner’s “no” because you can trust that they would only say yes if they really want to and would stop things if they don’t (Harris, 2018). You also want a partner who takes rejection well; it’s a sign that they will respect your boundaries. Partners who aren’t afraid of rejection also aren’t afraid of asking for what they want and saying no themselves (Harris, 2018). How do we gracefully give and receive noes? To give a good no, it’s important to be clear and specific, and remain gentle, but firm. When turning down a suggestion, it can also be helpful to follow up with the next one to keep decision-making a shared responsibility (Harris, 2018). We can get better at rejection and hearing noes by increasing our understanding of the intense feelings we experience when rejected, acknowledging them, and allowing them to pass.

If you discover in your sexual consent discussion that you and your partner(s) may not be a good match, it may be best that you gracefully agree to call it quits. Another sign to call it quits is if the conversation ever feels coercive or like an argument; these are signs that these are not the people you want to play with. You only want to “play with people who want to hear your limits as much as they want to hear your desires” (Harris, 2018, p. 321).

What to Do With a Maybe In kink and BDSM, a “maybe” is a no, or at least a no for right now, and this is how it looks in any consensual sexual encounter (Harris, 2018). A “maybe” is an opportunity for both parties to spend more time thinking and discussing, but whatever is on the table shouldn’t be tried until all parties have provided a freely-given yes (Harris, 2018).

Discuss Safety and Special Concerns As you can tell from the BDSM safe, sane,and consensual motto, safety in sex is necessary. Even if you aren’t engaging in this type of play, you should still consider safety concerns. You and your partner(s) should discuss potential risks and limitations about what play you all want to occur. Does anyone have a medical issue that could arise, like asthma that may be triggered by an intense scene? Does the person ever faint, have seizures, or get low blood sugar? Does anyone have physical limitations, like a bad ankle or perhaps stamina issues? These are all important considerations. This discussion allows you to figure out ways to modify play so that everyone feels honored and comfortable.

When it comes to sexual safety and putting the informed in consent, it’s important to have a discussion about sexual health and what, if any, safer sex practices you will engage in. Although this may feel uncomfortable and you may have the urge to rush through this talk or skip it altogether, this is the most foundational part of the sexual discussion! Having these conversations upfront not only can help you see if you and your partner(s) are a good match, but help increase safety and set a tone for honesty and transparency from the get-go. Starting with this conversation also makes sure you don’t back out of it or forget to have it and risk harm!

Here are some helpful tips from Harris (2018) to help make this talk flow: (1) use a casual and natural tone of voice; (2) frame this convo by making it clear that sexual activity is important to you; (3) have a solid idea about what you want to talk about before you launch into the chat; (4) share information about yourself first and then ask your partner(s) to reciprocate; and (5) at the end you can share one practice you like and one you don’t to transition to the rest of your mutual consent agreement talk. Once you’ve gotten through the “scary” part of discussing sex, it will feel easiler to talk about the type of sex you’d like to have!

Consider Establishing Safe Words A safe word is used in BDSM because it provides a way to stop play if someone revokes consent or is physically or emotionally harmed during a scene. It’s essential because BDSM can be risky, but establishing a safe word with your partner(s) can be helpful even if you aren’t engaging in this type of play. Safe words should be discussed, agreed upon, and practiced (to make it easier to say when you need it) before you begin any sexual activity. If your play won’t involve restraints, gagging, impact play, power play, rough play, etc., a “no” and/or “stop” could suffice, but a safe word can be an extra precaution to immediately stop or slow down whatever is occurring (Devon & Miller, 1995). This is especially useful for role play where you may resist as part of a scene. A good safe word is explicit, clear, and unique so it’s easily recognized and remembered. Words to stop everything and words to slow down are usually discussed. The traffic light system is commonly used to accomplish these goals: green means go or continue, yellow means slow down or use less intensity, and red means stop immediately.

Non-verbal cues are also important to pay attention to, especially when pain and pleasure are mixed in sex. It’s good to ask what someone’s reactions of pleasure, discomfort, and pain are before play. When a cue is unclear, like if someone’s face is scrunched up or they’re having trouble forming words, it’s best to check in to be sure. Signs of discomfort include moving away, flinching, or curling up. It can be a good sign, but not always, that someone is enjoying an act if their body language opens up to allow more access to their body (Harris, 2018). Even if a safe word isn’t said, a person may be uncomfortable, so pay attention to physical responses. Because it can be hard to say a safeword during intense moments, it can be useful to agree upon and practice clear non-verbal signals. Examples include stomping, pinching in a pattern, dropping an object, shaking your head, or squeezing a partner’s leg repeatedly. Non-verbal signals can be especially helpful if someone is gagged or if the space is loud, and can also be very helpful if substance use is involved as an extra safety precaution.

Think about Tone & Pace When coming to a mutual consent agreement, think about the tone and pace you want for your encounter. Do you want play to be rough and hard, gentle and soft, or somewhere in between? Do you want things to move slow, or do you like it hot and heavy? It’s important to see if everyone is on the same page with compatible wants and needs. If not, someone could be disappointed or possibly hurt if you follow through without finding a middle ground (Harris, 2018). The goal is to set a tone and pace that works for all parties involved. If a middle ground can’t be established or isn’t desired, it’s best to agree that it isn’t the best match and to opt out at that time (Harris, 2018).

Negotiation and Substance Use If you are going to mix substances with sexual activity, it’s important to take certain precautions before you hit the sheets. Mutual consent agreements should ideally* be made sober and include a discussion about if alcohol or other drugs will be used. Substance use should be explicitly agreed upon by everyone involved, so if you want to take MDMA but your partner only wants to play with someone who is sober, you’ll need to forgo your roll or sex with each other. If you and/or your partner(s) plan to consume substances, it’s important to know yourself and your limits, and plan in advance how much you plan to take. It’s also important to consider how certain substances influence the body’s relationship to pain and can potentially make rough play risky. Although dulling pain may feel great in the moment, you could end up with more bruises than you bargained for or injury if you aren’t mindful of your body’s limits (Harris, 2018). For this reason, it’s extra important to use safe words, non-verbal signals, and check-in’s during sex on substances.

*Note: DanceSafe recognizes that while it may be ideal to be sober while establishing a mutual consent agreement, this will not be the case 100% of the time. For the sake of providing optimal education, we will be focusing on the process of establishing mutual consent agreements in this article and will cover the nuance of sex on drugs in future #WeLoveConsent materials. Stay tuned.

Stick to the Mutual Agreement (As Best You Can)! When it comes to sexual risk, it’s always best to stick with what you and your partner(s) have established as a mutual agreement and not add anything new when you start to get down to business. You can always change your mind at any point and say no to something you agreed to, and it’s best to stick to acts and intensity you’ve agreed to without increasing or adding anything. This is because we can get lost in the heat of the moment and say yes to things we normally wouldn’t when we aren’t in the throes of passion, pleasure, or pain. When this happens we can go further than we wanted or intended to, especially when substances are involved. You want everyone to have the best possible time, so to reduce risk and maximize pleasure, stick to your plan!

Importance of Checking In: Consent isn’t Reached at an Agreement, It’s Ongoing! Just like emotions change and situations change, sex changes too, so you can’t have one conversation and think that you have reached a permanent agreement; sex will always need to be “renegotiated” just like our needs and desires (Harris, 2018). In other words, consent is ongoing and needs to be re-established through check-ins after a mutual consent agreement is made. After you’ve reached an agreement you can change your mind, do less, slow down, take a break, or stop completely. You may feel wary about speaking up if you dont like something because you’re scared it will end the encounter, but sex isn’t all-or-nothing! If you try something and don’t like it, express yourself and try something else; it’s not the end of play, it’s just the end of the act (Harris, 2018). Check-ins not only make sure everyone is safe and comfortable, they enhance the experience. With a check-in you can assess if your partner is enjoying themself and if any changes need to be made to maximize comfort and pleasure. Not only this, but communication itself is hot! Here are some tips for smooth and sexy check-in’s:

Similar to substance use, when it comes to sex, it’s helpful to start with less intensity and work your way up as you check-in with your partner(s). This gives everyone time to process what’s happening and to speak up if they want anything changed (Harris, 2018). Going slow also builds anticipation, which can enhance excitement and pleasure!

Open-ended questions for check-ins help you get more info and reduce the risk of unintentionally pressuring someone to respond in a certain way. Ex. What would make this feel better for you?

Giving options can also be helpful in the heat of the moment when thinking may be fuzzy and can enhance the experience when we pay close attention to needs and desires of others. Ex. Would you like to slow down or stop?

Scaling questions are useful as well: you can ask how good something feels on a scale of 1-10, change what you are doing (or not!) based on the response, and check back in to see if this change made things better or worse (Harris, 2018).

Asking questions can be sexy, keep dirty talk going, and allow you to sneak in some extra check-ins. If you couch requests or questions in compliments or dirty talk, they flow with the mood of what’s going on and improve how they’re received (Harris, 2018). Ex. I love it when you bite my ear, can you do that again?

Because we can be worried that asking for something can hurt another person, it’s really important to show gratitude to our partner(s) for giving us feedback; this encourages open communication (Harris, 2018). Ex. It’s so hot when you tell me what I’m doing is turning you on!

Discuss What to Do if Consent is Violated Even with the best intentions, clear communication, check-ins, and mutual informed consent, accidents happen and boundaries can be crossed. With this said, boundaries can also be crossed when negligent mistakes are made or worse, intentionally. It is important to discuss with your partner(s) what you will do if a boundary is crossed, including both unintentionally and intentionally. This discussion should include an agreement on how you would like the boundary violation to be addressed: In the moment or after pausing play and taking a break to process? As a group or between the offending party and the individual whose consent was violated? Based on the impacted individual’s choice in the moment or in an agreed upon process? Regardless of what is decided, it is important to center the perspective and safety of the person whose consent is violated! The goal is to discern why a boundary was crossed and figure out a way to correct any damage done within your capacity to do so.

Don’t Forget About Aftercare Don’t forget to agree on what aftercare will occur after you play! Aftercare is the attention you give to your partner(s) after sexual activity to reduce mental or physical harm. Aftercare may include hydration and nourishment, physical comfort, or emotional reassurance. Everyone’s aftercare needs should be discussed before play because a mismatch in needs or expectations can lead to hurt feelings or needs being unmet (Harris, 2015). Some people may only need a few minutes to process after an intense experience, while others may want a night to cuddle (Harris, 2015). When you and your partner(s) discuss aftercare needs, consider the frequency and type of contact you would like afterwards, both as immediate aftercare and check-ins. When the afterglow has worn off a few days later, it’s also helpful to talk about how everyone felt about what happened. Make sure everyone has opted into this talk first – don’t surprise anyone with it! It helps to start with the positive, then move to what didn’t work and what you wouldn’t do again, and if you want to play again, make a plan for next time incorporating these changes (Harris, 2018).

Conclusion Although you might want to rush into play in the heat of the moment, when you establish a mutual consent agreement before sexual play, “any loss in spontaneity is more than made up for in anticipation” (Devon & Miller, 1995, p. 51). Establishing consent with your partner(s) not only keeps everyone safe and happy but also can be sexy in and of itself; questions when discussing consent can be part of flirting and foreplay, and knowing what you can look forward to is a turn on. Once you know what everyone wants and what their limits are, you can free yourself up to focusing on bringing each other pleasure!

[tehri]

Hide and Pain for Cier, if you're still doing the ask game?

Oh, I'm absolutely still doing it!

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

Cier hides a variety of things, but most notably two things:

How ready he is to resort to violence in order to protect others or if he sees no other way out of a situation. He will never go down without a fight, for all that he is generally a very mild-mannered and soft-spoken person, and he will use dangerous methods to gain the upper hand and end things quickly.

Just how much he strains against his older brother Tyrin's possessive nature. They have never been alike in anything else than appearance and have never entirely seen eye to eye, for all that Tyrin wants to believe otherwise, and Cier has found it difficult to break away from his brother's view of things, especially as an adult when Tyrin became the leader of their clan.

As for the why... For the first one, it really is to his advantage to hide these things. He's not a spry youngling in his twenties, and he's not as hotheaded as his brother; if he can hide his willingness to resort to violence, the element of surprise is always on his side. For the second one... Well. It's certainly not easy to speak against one's clan-leader. And even beyond that, Tyrin is, as mentioned, rather hotheaded and is likely to get angry. There's a very fundamental difference in how they view each other and the relationship they have with each other, and Cier will not rock the boat more than necessary to avoid Tyrin's possessiveness getting out of hand.

pain: What's the worst pain your OC has ever felt? Do they have a high pain tolerance?

Oh, so far, the worst pain he has ever felt is the backlash that comes with the overuse of magic. It takes a strong physical toll on the body and can kill a person if they're not careful, and well... In his case, with him using specifically air-related magic, imagine feeling like you can't breathe, like something is stabbing your lungs from the inside when you try to breathe, and also like something is straining against your efforts to guide something and is slowly threatening to rip your arms off...

Yeah, suffice to say he won't be eager to experience that again.

In general, he has an average level of pain tolerance. He can handle a fair bit, but he also doesn't hide when it gets too much and knows when to get help.

[findroleplay]

🤠 howdy everyone! I've been thinking about some specific characters recently, but figured it may be easiest to make an RP post in regards to a more generalized search! I'm a 21+ college student, and I'm hoping to find 18+ partners to write with over on discord.

some genres I enjoy include...

- slice of life (I like to include a bit of this in ALL of my RPs, so keep that in mind! I'm a big friends to lovers fan, as well as any tropes that can be mixed with that!)

- action (i.e. mafia, spies, assassins, etc.)

- adventure (especially in the medieval fantasy realm, but modern fantasy can lend itself well to adventures as well)

- fantasy (medieval, modern, OR futuristic! I'm a big fantasy fan. give me an adventuring party/found family and I will love you forever)

- mystery (would love to make a big cast for a murder mystery scenario!)

- celebrity plots (hidden relationship from the paparazzi, forced into a relationship for publicity, idols, etc.)

- school-based settings (especially when combined with modern fantasy, action, or mystery!)

this is a broad list, I know, but I've got a ton of different characters who could fit into these categories and fluctuating muse for all of them! since there's so much I enjoy writing about, it's easier to list what I am NOT interested in...

❌ smut-heavy plots. I always prefer STORY first! smut can get pretty boring if that's all we're writing.

❌ heavy dead dove themes. I'm certainly open to angst and a bit of dark stuff here and there, but I don't want it to be the entire plot.

❌ being made to play an aggressive dom top. or, in a similar vein, being made to write large age gaps. power imbalance plots in general just make me uncomfortable. give-and-take is what makes things interesting. if you're a writer who will only write bottoms (INCLUDING dom bottoms!), I probably won't be interested in writing smut with you. if you have interesting characters to bring to the table, I'll consider fade-to-blacks. if you're looking for smut, a willingness to switch is a requirement.

❌ inactive plotters. if you send me a one-word response while we're plotting together, I'll drop you right there.

❌ wanted FCs. I won't tell you what your character should look like, so don't tell me what mine should look like.

❌ anything from one-liners to semi-lit. I consider myself advanced literate to novella, which means one discord message is my minimum.

❌ being bothered constantly for a response. I have classes and work, and I don't always have the ability to write every day. I'll be respectful of your time, so please be respectful of mine.

I'm fairly adaptable when it comes to pairings. I tend to write M characters (for MxM or MxF), but I also have a few F characters I could toss out (mostly for FxF)! I have a real wide variety in terms of characters, from young to middle-aged, "normal" to magical. I don't have strong preferences in terms of type of FC (drawn, real, or none), so I'll adapt to whatever you bring to the table. the most important things to me are PLOT, CHARACTERS, and DETAIL. I want something plot-driven and character-focused first!

if this interests you, PLEASE drop me a message here on Tumblr or over on discord (tired_inspired). don't expect me to reach out to you first based on this post, because I've been shadowbanned too many times for trying to do so. thanks, and I look forward to hearing from you! ^-^

_

[gktravel]

7 Tips for Visiting the Largest Cities in the USA

A trip across the biggest cities in the USA is sure to be an exciting experience, full of vibrant urban energy, famous sites, and a variety of cultural experiences. Every city has its own distinct character and offers a wide range of activities to suit every choice and taste. These metropolises are enormous playgrounds for adventure, with the relaxing attitudes of Los Angeles and the flashing lights of New York City.

It's important to equip yourself with useful advice before embarking on this urban adventure to make the most of it and guarantee a smooth stay. It takes careful preparation, knowledge of regional traditions, and a willingness to stray from the well-travelled tourist routes to navigate these vast cities' diverse landscapes. This book will offer priceless tips on making the most of your trip, from using public transit to enjoying a variety of gastronomic experiences. So, buckle up and join us as we take a trip into the canter of the biggest cities in the USA, where we'll discover the secrets to an enlightening and unforgettable adventure.

Here are some tips for visiting the largest cities in the USA.

1. Planning Ahead for City Exploration: Give your trip some thought before hopping into the colourful turmoil of the biggest American cities. Decide on the neighbourhoods and main sites you want to see. Think about things like neighbourhood activities, weather, and transit alternatives. Numerous cities sell reduced city passes that allow access to a number of attractions and public transit, making the trip easier and more affordable.

 2. Using Public Transit: The vast metropolises of the United States of America frequently have sophisticated public transit networks. Learn the routes of the city's buses, subways, and commuter trains so that you can get around effectively. You may jump on and off of several kinds of transportation at your convenience using city cards or passes. To stay current on real-time transportation information, be sure you check the timetables and download the necessary applications.

3. Accepting Diversity in Culinary Adventures: The variety of cuisine available in big cities is one of the best things about traveling there. Every city presents a fusion of tastes that reflects the diversity of its cultures. Take advantage of the opportunity to enjoy regional specialties, from food trucks to elegant restaurants. Try some local delicacies and be adventurous; your taste buds will take you on a culinary adventure. Some examples of these specialties include bagels in New York, street tacos in Los Angeles, and deep-dish pizza in Chicago.

4. Acclimating to Local Etiquette and Norms: Every city has its own cadence, and a smooth experience depends on your knowledge of the norms and etiquette of the area. Observe and adjust to local customs and behaviours, such as tipping customs, expected public conduct, and queuing procedures. Respectful interactions with locals improve your vacation and help you develop a strong bond with the area.

5. Discovering Places Outside of Tourist Hotspots: Although famous sites are a must-see, don't stick to the tourist traps. Explore the neighbourhoods to get a true sense of the city. Talk to people, go to the local markets, and check out the parks where the locals congregate. This gives you a more sophisticated perspective of the city's culture and makes it possible for you to find undiscovered treasures that the guidebooks might not mention.

6. Weather-appropriate clothing: American cities have wildly different climates. Make sure you pack for the weather at your location by checking the forecast. Layers let you adapt to fluctuations in temperature throughout the day, so they're usually an excellent choice. It is important to wear comfortable shoes, particularly if you intend to explore the city on foot. If you want to stay hydrated, especially in warmer locations, think about bringing a reusable water bottle.

7. Maintaining Safety and Vigilance: Although big cities provide amazing experiences, it's important to maintain vigilance and put safety first. Pay attention to your possessions, particularly in busy places. Investigate safe neighbourhoods; stay away from strange places late at night. Get to know the emergency phone numbers and the fundamentals of the nearby medical institutions. If something doesn't seem right, follow your gut and get help.

Exploring the enormous landscapes and dynamic cultures of the biggest American cities is an experience that is sure to leave a lasting impression. When your urban trip comes to an end, consider the variety of experiences you had, from seeing famous sites to finding hidden treasures in nearby districts. The advice in this book is meant to improve your travel experience and make sure that your time in these vibrant cities is smooth and rewarding. Look at USA holiday packages from Dubai if you're looking for a hassle-free, well-planned adventure. These carefully chosen packages offer a customized way to take advantage of everything each city has to offer, in addition to streamlining the logistics of your trip. These packages provide a thorough look into the diverse fabric of American urban life, from the busy streets of New York to the relaxed charm of San Francisco. Take with you the dynamic energy, varied cuisines, and rich cultural diversity that characterize each place as you wave adieu to the city lights and skyscrapers. The biggest cities in the United States are poised to enthral and inspire you, regardless of your interests in the arts, delicious food, or historical sites. For a hassle-free and immersive experience with the unmatched attraction of these dynamic metropolitan environments, think about vacation packages to the USA from Dubai.

[faezrblazr]

It's been a whirlwind of attending 12 Step meetings these past weeks. Sometimes multiple meetings a day, of the Al- A- and N- varieties. I think I've met most of the community and it's going to be interesting this September 2nd. There's a "recovery rally" type thing where all the recovery orgs are going to be there. May it be, if not benign, a sitcom-esque comedy of errors.

Trying to detach from controlling my friends alcoholism has been a complete failure. While it says in the literature that detachment doesn't necessarily require physical separation, for us it did, but I'm not in any way detached. My mind is still right there in the room with him. I sometimes feel like I can't even stay in my apartment because I'm haunted by the violence I did. I want to drink.

Even then that statement is complicated. I don't want to drink because firstly, how could I? My friend and many others are dying, and people I've met in the meetings know how ugly it is. I would feel such guilt, even though I know it would numb me. I'm a raw live wire, detoxing from controlling his drinking. I'm an addict too, and you know what a great distraction from dealing with your own issues is? Living, not to drink, but to try to fix or cure someone else' s alcoholism.

It almost feels like a fresh sobriety did. All my issues are coming up and I can't stop crying. I haven't shared this in meeting yet, but I think I'm too highly tuned. I've hear it been called being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I'm filled with more guilt and remorse, mostly aimed at myself, than I am with resentment towards others at this point. I've worked through some of those in my own little way, but working these steps, the Fourth One with all the resentments, has shown me this.

But it's complicated. Each program has it's own little twist on the Steps. Alanon seems all about detaching and being selfish in a way where you tend to your own needs, perhaps after discovering what those even are, and what you may have contributed to making the situation worse. AA is about tearing down the "little god" of the drinker and introducing humility to battle the justifications to drink. NA I called "holistic" because it seems more broad, modern, and I was surprised to see that they mention creativity explicitly as a strategy to rediscover your self and thus, the reason to not use.

So each appeals to me, especially NA's 'rediscover the person' approach, but for the way my mind works, AA and Alanon seem to be pulling at me in two different directions. Just to say, I've been going to more AA meetings on my own, but have brought my qualifier several times, focusing on that I'm there for myself. His first few meetings he asks for a sponsor, and someone comes up to him and is enthusiastic about it, and offers to take me through the steps. Not to say that I wasn't ready for Stepwork, but I can say that without his offering in such a friendly way, and thus if my Q hadn't asked, I wouldn't have gone out of my way to do it myself. But I said yes, with openness and willingness.

It's been a little overwhelming and surprising. It's been such a long time since anyone has paid the kind of attention to me that people can offer at meetings, and my sponsor is incredibly knowledgeable about AA and his sobriety. With the way my brain works, I feel a sense of unworthiness, and as I've discussed with him, not only should I not let that disqualify me from the program, but it can be a common feeling. It's a recurring share that men especially feel alienated AF in my meetings. It's still a little hard to go to meetings, but fleeing the ghosts at home helps me. I feel shaky at meetings, and have even felt nauseous right outside the door. I follow the Just For Today thing where you do something you don't want to do, for practice, and that helps.

In another way, I've felt that meetings aren't good for my mental health. I feel, like I mentioned, that I'm some kind of HSP and the way it can feel is that the world's pain is moving through me, so hearing other people share their experiences, while I still feel I have nothing to offer but my experiences for right now, can sometimes tire me out emotionally. Not to say I haven't felt a little less lonely hearing people share but in a weird way, Alanon helps with the loneliness and AA increases it. I don't know if it is because it's easier to focus on someone else and what I'm doing to manage them, but that's how it can feel.

Is this because my Alanon meetings are mostly older women with a few soft spoken men, so I didn't feel as intimidated? Is it because in Alanon I don't have to confront my own personal behavior that had led me to fail at life? But Alanon is about personal flaws, and I know that, and I already can't stop blaming myself. The blame is squarely on me. Is that because I'm aching for some integrity and personal responsibility and I'm ready to change, or is this the way I whip myself, as I no longer cut, in an emotional way because I somehow like it, as the Big Book says? Do I feel most nervous at NA meetings, and in fact while I do have my white keychain expressing a new commitment to the program I haven't said the customary "Hi, I'm an addict," because there's more men and more intimidating men? I'm 6 foot 3 inches and probably around 350 right now.

Is it my "sexuality?" Honestly, I don't want to even have that be an issue. A non-hetero sexuality can be something that once people know of it, they define you by that and it affects all further interaction. Duh, right? I mean, if it's the way that I use my penis that's shifts definitions around, one: I haven't had partnered sexuality in years, two: I don't want any, three: I don't now and have never had sexual fantasies about people nor do I have a "sexual imagination" where I imagine myself in or around sexual situations. Is this a symptom of self loathing? Am I asexual? Has stress and despair warped my brain so much that now I'm like my mother who could never let us forget how awful the very idea of sex was while her dutifully codependent husband looked on? That one's half a joke, but that's how it was. I mean, trauma, you know? Or maybe she was also herself asexual in some way?

I know NA has the whole "sexual orientation" line in it's rules. I just don't know. I think I'm broken. I've gone cuckoo. I spent too many years of my life in isolation, and I can't live any other way. I'm just another North Pond Hermit with crying jags. You know, I know I'll drink first not because it's my drug of choice, but because I'm so nervous that I never got into anything else. Like, I couldn't speak up to ask, hey, where's the pills at? And I'm still like that, so I think I'll be able to not drug seek for a while. But I'm also worried about being open about that in meetings because I feel I'd just LOVE to feel better, much better than alcohol or weed ever could make me feel. I mean, seriously you know what my drug of choice was when I had my most uncontrolled using and was causing the most negative consequences? Carburetor cleaner! For the ether, I guess. I was driving on the fucking stuff. WTF

On the one hand, I'm like gross how awful that's what you got into with your stupid "friends" you codependent addict chameleon little bitch. On the other, I'm like, what an asocial autistic loser faggot like you couldn't even put in the effort to drugseek for real wanting it all easy settling for something you can buy at a store.

And detaching from your Qualifier also means, just maybe, you don't have to feel bad that your using and destroying yourself could or could have ever affected his trajectory in his disease. But you want to hopefully feel better, absolutely feel numb, and your not sure if you fear the peace of death or if you just desperately want the courage to go through with it. Again WTF. Somebody help me what a rant.

[thebandcampdiaries]

"The Experiment" by Dallas Choice is a rap artist with a distinctive sound.

December 2022 - "The Experiment” is a brand new album release by Dallas Choice. So, what is it that makes this project so special? For one thing, it is definitely its own thing. Dallas Choice doesn’t seem interested in emulating others or recreating whatever trendy sound is en vogue at the moment. On the country, he wants to etch his own mark and make his own way. "The Experiment" is a remarkable example of what it means to make music that has roots, yet still the willingness to branch out into unexplored territories. While the sound of this release owes much to the artist’s hip-hop background, "The Experiment" is also a great statement when it comes to portraying the artist’s natural willingness to stretch out and try something new.

“The Experiment” features 11 songs. This is particularly remarkable, especially if you consider that we live in a day and age in which most artists are really focusing on singles. As a result of trying to please the streaming platform algorithms, they might miss out on giving their fans a true, full-on listening experience. Thankfully, artists like Dallas Choice are here to remind us that there is quite nothing like full albums, and “The Experiment” feels like an exciting sonic journey. Each song is an opportunity for the rapper to expand on his creativity and try his hand at another style or vibe. For example, the opening track “Get Back Up” features some huge trap-inspired drum and big bass synth riffs, combining the world of hip-hop with the production punch of electronic music. The song “Mental Case” has a different flavor, sometimes tipping the hat off to some of the best old-school hip-hop out there. This has a truly unique 2000s vibe, and the flow is truly on point. The lo-fi drum tones add to the gritty energy of the mix, and the delivery has a very iconic feel. There are so many outstanding songs on this release, but it is safe to say that “Wake Up” is one of the true heavy hitters on this release. The melodies are instantly easy to relate to and the overall vibe of the synths is huge and immersive. The songs mentioned here are only some of the most notable moments on the album, but this release definitely deserves to be enjoyed from top to bottom. Simply hit the play button and let it flow.

There is such a wide variety of sounds on tap here, and as the title of the album suggests, the music is experimental, but still catchy. It’s not always an easy thing to accomplish: experimenting with new ideas often means to get out of one’s comfort zone, and in some cases, it might not work. The more you consciously try to “be different” or shock your audience, the bigger the chances of failure, because the process wouldn’t happen in a very genuine, and organic way. Dallas Choice, on the other hand, seems to have it built-in in himself to try new things with his sound. It is not something he does just for shock value, but it is a pattern of following his creativity without necessarily being stuck in the usual tropes of the hip-hop genre. Much like artists such as Lil Wayne, Gucci Mane, Riff Raff and Joey Bada$$, Dallas Choice managed to build something special, and let his distinctive voice through. His music is going to be a big hit in your book if you do enjoy energetic sounds that still have a lot of substance and a recognizable musical DNA that’s not the usual carbon copy of something else! Listeners who give Dallas Choice a well-deserved chance will most definitely be glad they did, considering the amazing quality and spark that drives this new release.

Find out more about Dallas Choice, and listen to "The Experiment" on your favorite streaming service.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_k-vPWHZwpEGo-CI6khFse8_X5AxMYXKtY

https://www.twitter.com/dallaschoice13

https://open.spotify.com/artist/3DBX9BkU9UtndwnzUfwFwV?si=W5oybAXFSeul-OiZIPCjUA

https://www.instagram.com/dallaschoice13

[victorpidp]

Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in Adult Education

In 2022, we have an abundance of access to all kinds of information. Especially information on social media that exposes us to varieties of society and culture. However, they are complex concepts with many layers. Specifically regarding how we view people and their differences. Naturally, we oppose what we are not familiar with or what brings us discomfort. In other people, it is commonly their gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or race. Controversial, but another one to throw in after the COVID-19 pandemic is someone’s vaccination status. If you put together a group of people in one room, they could be faced with conflict, resistance, or aversion. We are looking at diversity in humans. 

Diversity is everywhere, yet can somehow feel lacking. You see it all the time, especially in movies. There is a lack of equity and inclusion, like proper racial representation in films and television. We can not always control what is out there. As instructors, we have the ability to create a space that focuses on diversity, equity, and inclusion. Now, this does not mean we need to take away from the intended education provided in the course to learn about each other instead. Rather, we can look to incorporate teaching methods that create an inclusive space. 

The article, “Building the capacity of adult educators to create inclusive classrooms” highlights the concept of reflexivity and different strategies to focus on creating an inclusive environment instead of just accepting everyone’s differences.

“Reflexivity refers to the teacher’s willingness to explicitly examine how his/her assumptions, personal beliefs, and dispositions impact his/her attitude towards teaching and students and their consequent willingness to look at things from a different perspective” (Barrett, 2012, as cited in Barrett, 2017). Instructors set the tone and culture of the classroom. It is important that we are proactive about ensuring our learners feel safe and comfortable in our classroom first. How we view gender has changed a lot. Although I have not always been on the ball with it, I will try my best to use my learner’s proper pronouns. It is a smaller action with a major impact to the learner.

A strategy that I would like to continue to implement is roleplay. Roleplay activities have been effective in helping learners piece together all their learnings. It beats the old questions of how is this going to help me or why is this even relevant? Learners are positioned in realistic scenarios to practice applying their knowledge. As well, they are also engaging with others to interact with having to act in someone else’s experience or perspective.

As I develop as an instructor, I would like to uphold diversity, equity, and inclusion in my classroom. I am well aware I will make mistakes and that is okay. It is not enough to only accept everyone’s differences, but to implement ways to make their differences feel equal and included.

References

Barrett, S. (2012). Building the capacity of adult educators to create inclusive classrooms. DVV International.

https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/section-3-method/building-the-capacity-of-adult-educators-to-create-inclusive-classrooms

[coaldustcanary]

Hi! I saw in the tags of OTW's latest volunteer recruitment post that you were willing to talk about your experience as a support volunteer. I was wondering if I could hear a bit about your experience, or--if you've already discussed it on your blog--if you could point me towards where you've shared your experiences in the past. I'm considering volunteering myself but I'm not sure what to expect! Thanks in advance <3

Hi there. I do sometimes post a bit about my experiences in Support, but it's very piece-meal and there's probably not much of a coherent narrative anywhere. I'll try to sum up and give a brief overview, but feel free to ask questions about the things you're most curious about. (I'm also fine with DMs if you'd rather it be private.) I've been a Support volunteer for 6 years. I used to work in tech support professionally a few careers ago, and that's why I chose to volunteer in Support specifically, but that kind of experience is certainly not a pre-requisite to volunteering.

Our recent rounds of recruitment have been really successful so the Support team is bigger and better able to keep up with user requests than it ever has been, in my opinion. We've also really honed our training processes to make them more newbie-friendly. There's a fairly structured (but flexible to individual circumstances) training process set up that involves studying documentation, looking back on our archives of responses to users, and considering the kinds of questions that users ask to develop good answers, with the assistance of senior volunteers. You will not be turned loose and expected to figure things out on your own. If you are leaning toward volunteering, I think there's really no better time for it.

On the other hand, I do think having a certain willingness to dig in and research and test and ask around when it comes to coming up with a good answer for users is important. Many issues users have are either common or the solution is well-documented or both, so replying is not hard, but others are very much a puzzle to work through that needs a lot of investigating. You'll always have the assistance of other volunteers, especially as a new recruit, but a certain level of being a "self-starter" and curiosity is a big help.

There are more than 900 volunteers in the organization, all around the world, involved in a lot of aspects of keeping AO3 and the OTW going. Support itself is very much global. Support works closely with multiple other parts of the organization - AD&T (the coding folks), Policy and Abuse, Communications, Legal, and Tag Wrangling are the ones we work with the most, but it could be any or all of them, and that means learning about how a lot of other pieces of the organization works over time.

For me, that's been hugely worthwhile. I feel like I'm able to give back to fandom in a way that I'm good at and help people using AO3 get the site to work the way they want, whether by documenting a tricky bug or helping a new user reset their password.

But I can't deny that there are times it frustrates me - I don't agree with every policy decision the OTW and AO3 have ever made, I don't agree with my fellow volunteers on every little thing, and sometimes we get Support requests full of attitude, rudeness, or entitlement that drive me nuts. And that's honestly OK. That said, I've volunteered for a wide variety of non-profits in my life (schools, community service organizations, churches) and aside from the fact that it is *entirely* web-based, being a Support volunteer for AO3 is not much different from my experiences in those other contexts.

Despite the fact that my volunteering time is far more limited these days than I would wish, I wouldn't give it up for anything; I get back from it (the satisfaction, the social aspects) a lot more than I probably put in, to be honest.

So, this has been an attempt at a big picture overview of how I feel about volunteering and what it's like for me - if you want more specific information I'm more than happy to answer more specific questions, or if you were interested in more of a "what exactly do you do when you volunteer" I can try to talk a bit about the broad kinds of user requests we answer and a bit about what our process is like.

[starks-hero]

The Right One

Pairing: Sherlock x Reader

Summary: Sherlock's previous experiences with love left a few cracks. But you're more than happy to help mend them.

Word Count: 1,332

Warnings: None really, some mentions of bad past experiences

It's funny how simple little things can stick in a person's mind for so long. How one small event can change their perception of so much.

This was the case when it came to Sherlock, specifically his interest in a romantic partner. Holmes always found it easier to act as though he found such things trivial, that the idea of a relationship was completely unappealing to him.

But truth be told, that wasn't really the case. Sherlock wasn't repelled by the idea of a girlfriend, or a boyfriend for that matter. If anything, he found the whole concept rather interesting. From observing his parents as a child to seeing John with Mary, Sherlock found love fascinating in its complexity.

But any spark or willingness to take the leap and grow close enough to someone to explore such a relationship had been swiftly stomped out by them.

He had been sixteen when he met the first. He was young and as carefree as he was ever going to be in his life. She had been a family friend and attended the same school as him, which meant there was practically no way Sherlock could avoid her. At first, he disliked her. He didn't understand why she took it personally. He disliked everyone at that point.

But gradually, he found that he enjoyed being around her. Or rather, he enjoyed the way she made him feel. Through his teen years, any and all attention Sherlock received from his peers was entirely negative. He was the freak, the know it all.

But not to her. To her, he was fascinating, intelligent, brilliant. And Sherlock loved it. He thrived on it. Before long it was an obsession, an addiction.

Which, of course, made it all the more painful when the truth came out. Getting close to the freak Holmes brother had earned her twenty pounds from each of her classmates, and thought Sherlock a valuable lesson.

He should have known that anyone willing to take such an interest in him was simply doing it for their own gain. The relationship he'd just begun to open his heart to turned out to be nothing more than a practical joke with his own heartbreak serving as the punchline.

He swore after that he'd never make the same mistake. However, attempting to cage one's own heart is a dangerous task. And as to be expected, it didn't remain locked away for all that long.

The day Irene Adler waltzed into his life, Sherlock's heart began to pull at the bars of its confinement. Not in a wild frenzy of love, or desperately out of lust. More so out of curiosity.

She cared, in a strange sort of way. She found him interesting. And though her constant advances did little good in seducing the detective, he couldn't ignore the growing feeling of being wanted again that was steadily expanding inside of him. The feeling of being appealing, being desired. It was intoxicating, but it wasn't love. And Sherlock firmly reminded himself of that fact. He recalled what happened last time and knew Irene was no different.

Sherlock couldn't really say much when it came to Jeannine. He had lied, manipulated and used her simply to further his grasp on a case. It was cruel, even by his standards. So when he found out Jeannine had played him the same way he had played her, he was amused, but beneath that, a part of him was disappointed. He may even go as far as saying upset.

He didn't blame Jeannie, of course, but knowing that once again, he was only found interesting for the rewards others could reap from him came as a painful reminder. It opened up old wounds that Sherlock was beginning to doubt would ever scar over.

Experiment after experiment. Test after test. A variety of different variables and yet the result was always the same. Sherlock had all the proof he needed to conclude that love was dangerous, foolish and unnecessary. It was a chemical disadvantage. He also concluded that he was the root of the problem.

But then there was you.

You stumbled into Sherlock's life completely unexpectedly and at that time, Sherlock was oblivious as to just how much you'd grow to mean to him. It started gradually. Sherlock's general disliking for people seemed to diminish when it came to you and he even found himself enjoying your company. He absentmindedly smiled when you spoke, made a habit of standing unnecessarily close and attempted to impress you whenever the opportunity presented itself, something John seldom let him forget.

To put it in simpler terms, Sherlock Holmes was absolutely smitten. He just hadn't realized it yet. The way you made him feel, the severity of the emotions he experienced because of you, there was no high that could achieve anything like it. The wonderful feeling of being wanted had returned.

Sherlock adored you, in every sense of the word.

However, when he realized what these feelings indicated, Sherlock struggled to contain his fear. He distanced himself from you before you could do it to him. He had been hurt before and survived. But he wasn't sure he could manage suffering through that emotional torment again, especially if it was at your hands.

This didn't go unnoticed. As ever vigilant as Sherlock was, his greatest downfall was his obliviousness to what was standing right in front of him. Had Sherlock not spent so much time trying to get you to like him, he probably would have noticed that you already did.

In fact, you were absolutely infatuated with him. And everyone knew. John knew, Molly knew, Lestrade knew. Donovan, Anderson and everyone at the Yard knew. Everyone but Sherlock. When he did start to withdraw from you, you figured it was now or never.

But for each step you took forward, Sherlock took two back. At first, you thought it was out of disinterest, that you had misread the entire situation and this was Sherlock's attempt at a wordless rejection. But you soon learned that was not the case.

Sherlock's behaviour did not come from a place of resentment, but rather a place of fear. Now that you'd figured it out, you were shocked you'd never seen it before. Sherlock had been broken. Scars lined his heart and he wasn't prepared to give anyone the power to hurt him like that again.

So, that's what you decided you'd show him. That he didn't have to be afraid, that you would never hurt him and that, with time, the scars would fade.

At first, Sherlock resembled a skittish deer, racing off at the first sign of affection. It was hard work, but then again, everything was hard work with Sherlock. You didn't so much as ‘dance around each other’ as you did helplessly stumble and fall at each other's feet; like two love struck teens experiencing love for the first time. 

You let him come to you. And with time he did. Bit by bit, step by step, until you both met in the middle. It took a long time, but it couldn't have been more worth it in the end.

Sherlock changed once you started dating. He was a little less cold, a little less out of tune. He didn't see the world through rose-tinted glasses by any means, but everything did seem that bit brighter.

The insecurity was still there. The fear that he was being used, that he was disposable. It’s not the kind of thing that can be completely loved away after all. But with each soft touch, each kiss, each compliment, each simple yet genuine display of love and affection, the insecurities lessened and the feeling of contentment grew.

And the day he first heard you mutter those three simple words with full confidence, the scars on his heart faded ever so slightly, and he allowed himself to start healing.

Because you loved him, and slowly Sherlock was learning to love you too.

~~~~~~

Forever tag list: @miraclesoflove @bakerstreethound @Kealohilani-tepise

Sherlock tag list: @fanfictionsilove @quentawewe @andreasworlsboring101 @doozywoozy @the-worst-critic @starrykitn @the-queer-dungeoneer​ @xxvisiblexx @Xhz17x @Jellyfishbeansontoast

[askagamedev]

On the topic of monetization design, what design choices do you think make players think the game is nickel and dining then, and what can developers try to do better to avoid making their games feel like they are trying to vacuum up their the player’s wallets?

I think it’s important to take a step back and understand the core problem that monetization design has to solve. From the start, any game begins as a negative value territory to the player. The game must prove itself to the player to be worth the resources spent to acquire and set it up. The player has already “spent” to set the game up - time, money, disk space, effort, mental focus, etc. but has not yet gotten to the fun part. As long as the perception of the value proposition is negative, any attempt at monetization will be treated negatively. Once most players get to the fun part and the game’s value becomes positive, the monetization will feel much better.

This means that, as a monetization designer, we can improve the value perception in a variety of ways. This is done both on the game itself but also on the monetization offerings as well. If the game feels bad, no amount of good-feeling monetization can save it. This where games like the Dungeon Keeper mobile revival fall. Dungeon Keeper essentially locked the fun part behind long timers that needed payment to get around, but new players were never really given the chance to have much fun before being asked to pay. Had the players been allowed to play the game first and experience the fun of it, the monetization offerings would likely have been received much better. We can contrast this with a game like Pokemon Go, where the initial game is almost entirely available to the player and the fun can be found immediately (find and catch pokemon in the real world). Pokemon Go’s monetization only comes in at the periphery and only after the player has really started to engage with the game regularly.

If the game feels good but the monetization feels bad, it can leave the players with a sour taste in their mouths. The monetization design goal should be to find monetization methods that the players and spenders feel comfortable engaging with. Different players have different goals when it comes to their willingness to approach monetization. Some players want to spend to get the latest shiny cool thing and show off. Some prefer to wait for better value and prefer buying bundles or packs that are more efficient in terms of total content to money spent, even if those items aren’t the newest or shiniest. Some players have very specific tastes (like a favorite character or costume style) and just want to buy things specific to that taste. 

Beyond all this, nobody likes being shown or offered things they don’t care about - it’s all noise to them. The more often they’re shown things, the more they tend to be desensitized to offerings as well - like television or banner ads, we just tune them out. It is much more effective to show players the things they like (especially when they are needed) and avoid showing them things they don’t. Candy Crush’s post-loss offerings are a good example of this - it’s like offering a player a continue in an arcade game but only for players who it is immediately relevant to. Many mobile titles have similar context-specific offerings - if a player is low on a particular resource or something that is buyable, there’s often a store link right there to take them to the store in order to get the thing they need.

Clearly, this barely scratches the surface of monetization design. The entire field is very fascinating and is even often must be tailored to regions for both legal and cultural reasons. There are many taboos involving what is and isn’t  culturally acceptable in exchange for money, which a monetization designer must account for. Monetization is going to happen regardless and is incredibly important to the survival of any company, so it is far better to do it well than do it poorly. It’s a fascinating field of expertise that is still being explored today.

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[dwellordream]

“…The common work of American pioneer children has become an essential story of frontier life. Less well known or acknowledged is that gender boundaries were often disregarded in the course of this experience. Daniel worked not only at tasks with his father but also at those normally seen as women’s work. To help his mother, he dyed cloth, carried water from the spring, helped to nurse the younger children, and cooked. His work was indeed diverse as he did what was needed with little complaint—or so he remembered years later when writing his memoir. Then at fifteen, he was separated from all of it—from his physical labor and from his pious parents (his mother’s favorite word was “wicked”). She was hardly indulgent of him, either in the work he was required to do or in the virtues he was expected to display while doing them.

Many boys did female work. Henry Clarke Wright, who became an outspoken educator and a radical abolitionist, spent his childhood helping his stepmother by babysitting, and much more. “He cleaned, he cooked, he washed.” In upstate New York, where his family lived in the early nineteenth century, he also did more masculine work “riding the horses, yoking and driving the oxen, bringing in the cows, harnessing and all the rest of the hard labor of the frontier farmer.” After his farming experience, Wright was left to become an apprentice in April 1814. Lonely, “home-sick” and with a “feeling of wretched- ness,” Wright learned to grow up fast. He also learned his own mind and how later to defend his extremely independent and unpopular views.

The American boys of the early republic grew early into independence. They were neither indulged nor coddled. They were given some say in the objects of their labor and, when possible, free time to play. But the children were also seen as “little citizens”—persons with capacity as well as potential. Some visitors were shocked by the results, but others were impressed. One Englishwoman observed, “You will see a little being that has not seen the sun make one circle of seasons, lay hold on a toy, not to cram it in his mouth and look stupidly at it, but to turn it curiously over, open it if he can, and peep in with a look as wise as that of a raven peeping into a marrow bone. One mark of early observation and comprehension never failed to excite my wonder. Little creatures feed themselves very early, and are trusted with cups of glass and china, which they grasp firmly, and carry about the rooms carefully, and deposit unbroken.”

There is, perhaps, a degree of exaggeration in such observations, finding the precocious engineer within the child not yet a year old. But in light of current findings by cognitive psychologists about the “scientist in the crib,” perhaps it is less a matter of exaggeration than a willingness to see even young children as more fully capable of independent thought and action than most Americans are accustomed to today. Americans at this time assumed that children needed less supervision and direction. This was true for girls as well as boys. By the time she was six years of age, Caroline Stickney (later Creevey), who grew up to be a nature writer, was expected to go to the doctor alone after she had fallen and severely injured her arm. It turned out to be broken.

“Mother was too busy to accompany me and there was nobody else. Besides children were taught to stand upon their own feet in these days.” Caroline’s regular tasks included bringing the cow to pasture in the morning and retrieving her at night, and, like Ulysses Grant, she was able from an early age to roam freely in the woodland that this future botanical enthusiast loved to explore and whose trees she climbed regardless of risk. At ten, she was allowed to ride the family horse; when she asked her father for directions to find a certain path, he made clear to her that she could find her own way.

Anna Howard Shaw had a more extreme experience, as her father sent his young family from Lawrence, Massachusetts, to which the family had migrated from England after Thomas Shaw’s bankruptcy, to the north woods of Michigan. There the children and their mother were left alone to establish her father’s claim to the 360 acres he had acquired, while he remained East to settle his affairs. Shaw’s mother, overwhelmed by grief and disbelief at the raw and trying circumstances, collapsed emotionally and was “practically an invalid.” This left the enterprise entirely to the five children. Barely twenty years old, Shaw’s oldest brother, James, was in charge. Anna was recruited to lay floorboards on the earth and frame windows and doors.

When even James left because he needed an operation that took him back to Massachusetts, the young children were left to fend for themselves, through a variety of “nerve-wracking” conditions and winters that “offered few diversions and many hardships.” Anna eventually took advantage of opportunities for schooling that led to her unflinching grasp at independence as a professional woman. In later life, Shaw was a crusader for women’s suffrage, and managed to become both a medical doctor and a minister. This kind of brutal induction into resourcefulness and independence, while not representative, was also not uncommon.

Girls and boys matured early, and Tocqueville, for one, believed that American children did not have or need an adolescence. The very young child, given the right to handle glassware or crockery, is a child invested with the capacity to act responsibly. Dr. Spock would note more than a century later that such confidence acknowledged that a child is eager to do “grown up things,” like feeding herself in the same way as the adults around her. And early work laid the basis for later habits. Anna Shaw noted that work had “always been my favorite form of recreation.”

The English commentator who saw precocious infant explorers poking around their toys was observing a different model of child development, one that was becoming as alien to middle- and upper-class Europeans of the nineteenth century as it is to us today. While European children of the middle classes were being treated as precious objects of solicitude, needing careful protection, American children who later became presidents, doctors, writers, and reformers were exposed to adult work and responsibility. And they were far less supervised. It was not only that class was more fluid in the United States in this period but that the specific expectations about children remained more fluid than in Europe.

Later in the nineteenth century, middle-class Americans, too, would begin to separate children from adult activities and treat them, as we usually do today, as fragile beings who needed special toys and risk-proof furnishings. But during this initial period when American society was being formed and the culture was laying down historical tracks, children were much more integrated into adult activities and given both more responsibility and more freedom. Most Americans in the first half of the nineteenth century viewed their children’s early maturity as natural, an expression of both the helping qualities they required in the young and beliefs about children’s abilities to be useful from an early age. It was a widespread phe- nomenon in many parts of the new country and remained an active part of the culture up to the end of the century, while elsewhere in the Western world, children were sentimentalized.

It was true for girls as well as for boys, observed in the eastern United States as well as the West, common among rural folk especially but in cities as well. Rachel Buttz’s father, Tunis Quick, was raised in the Shenandoah Valley in the early nineteenth century. His father was a well-meaning “generous, kindhearted man,” but his decision to back a neighbor’s loan impoverished the family, and soon after his mother’s death young Tunis was “hired to a neighbor who required him to do almost as much work as a full-grown man.” Just past ten years of age, Tunis quickly became responsible in other ways as well. Tunis objected to the slavery that was a feature of the area in which they lived, so at fifteen he urged his father to move the family to the North.

They stopped first in Ohio “where [he] was variously employed in farming, hauling goods and keeping a ferry on the Scioto River.” Having worked hard and impressed his employer, young Tunis obtained the means to buy a home in Indiana where the family finally settled. Tunis Quick learned early to assist his family as they struggled, and his sense of responsibility also gave him the ability to think independently and to have his views heard and respected. By what we would consider his mid-adolescence, he had not only directed his family’s migration north, but he was buying property for them. Tunis’s desire to leave a section dominated by slavery is also noteworthy, since it was the South, where slave ownership defined the society, that was the major exception to the developing democracy within families.

To some extent, the independence given to children grew from the ideals and values expressed in the Revolution since Americans believed that future generations had to acquire the characteristics that would maintain the principles enunciated in that event. But more than ideology was involved. No simple commitment to an idea can completely explain the behaviors so widely observed and the general willingness to heed children’s independent judgment. Ideology will not necessarily loosen a father’s grip over his sons when he had always expected to be obeyed and to have his commands met, even when he is committed to republican ideals. In the Southern United States, of course, this loosening of paternal power never happened, since slavery reinforced its grip.

And even in other parts of the United States, some observed the loosening of parental reins with concern and attempted to inhibit the young through new institutions of supervision, such as schools, as they recognized how much mischief could be loosed in a world guided by revolutionary principles. Not all Americans took kindly to the idea of children acting on their own. But a widespread independence among the young continued nevertheless. American life in the first half of the nineteenth century was defined by conditions that made such views about children necessary while the restless temperament of Americans made them ready for change and improvement. Together, these conditions provided children with the leeway to become more independent as they became more useful. Utility as well as ideology needs to be taken into account if we are to understand the families that produced a Grant, Drake, Quick, Shaw, or Wright.

The changing circumstances of the early republic resulted from both material conditions and political institutions. Together, these were widely understood as fundamental to the difference between Americans and Europeans. A shrewd, early observer of the difference, the Reverend Enos Hitchcock, sought to sustain the new revolutionary ideology through appropriate childrearing and education. “The systems of education written in Europe, are too local to be transferred to America; they are generally designed for a style of life, different from that, which is necessary for the inhabitants of the United States to adopt: they do not reach our circumstances, and are not suited to the genius of our government.”

To understand the American regime of domestic relations, we need to grasp just how unsettled, raw, and unpredictable the American land and the developing economy were during the important first half of the nineteenth century, since the experiences of American children and their parents were an expression of that reality. This dynamic new economy revised expectations about youth and what it could achieve. So did the laws governing inheritance and generational relations. The changes in American domestic life also transformed power relations between men and women, husbands and wives, and this, too, affected generational relationships in important ways.”

- Paula S. Fass, “Childhood and Parenting in the New Republic Sowing the Seeds of Independence, 1800–1860.” in The End of American Childhood: A History of Parenting from Life on the Frontier to the Managed Child

[astarryon]

1980s Horror Film

No Good Deed

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: typical criminal minds stuff

Chapter Summary: You’re beginning to think your unadulterated hatred for unknown phone calls is actually justified.

A/N: The first installment of my Halloween inspired mini series! This fic was dreamt up during a very long, very intoxicated conversation with @johnmulaneyslut​ and my mind hasn’t been able to focus on anything else since! I hope y’all enjoy, and if you want me to add you to this fic’s masterlist, shoot me an ask or a message!

Masterlist

—

“There are horrors beyond life’s edge that we do not suspect, and once in a while man’s evil prying calls them just within our range.”

- H.P. Lovecraft

—

The agents were starting to get on your nerves.

There really wasn’t any good reason for it. They were being perfectly kind — when they bothered to talk to you like you were actually in the room, that is, though with three other victims of the deceased variety and a serial killer actively gunning for you, you figure you shouldn’t take that too personally — and the one named Jennifer had asked more times in the last hour than anyone else in your life had in maybe, well, ever if there was anything she could get you. You declined each time, sometimes rudely, sometimes in defeat, but that never stopped her coming back to ask again. When this was all over — and you prayed that an end would come quickly, if only so you could go back to not being quite so on edge — you’d need to be sure to thank her for all her efforts to make you comfortable.

But that wouldn’t come until later, when you were safe, and each of the agents in the behavioral analysis unit of the FBI didn’t pause every six seconds to analyze you in some attempt to figure out the psyche of the serial killer gunning to cut you open. In some ways, you understood — you were, currently, the only direct key they had to understanding how the serial killer who was after you selected his victims, though it wasn’t like you could answer any of the questions they had about the matter. Just because you understood, though, didn’t make the wandering eyes any less irritating, and you were counting yourself lucky that they were all just about to head home for the night so you wouldn’t have to worry about snapping in the next few hours.

“Okay,” Jennifer began as she approached, yet another kind smile occupying her features. “I’m stepping out for the night. The rest of the team will be leaving shortly, but our colleague Agent Anderson won’t be far. If there’s anything he can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

You try for a small smile of thanks, but it’s hard to say whether it reaches your eyes. Judging by the poorly concealed concern in Jennifer’s gaze, you don’t think it does. “Thanks, but I’m all set. I already got this cozy cot set up in your boss’ office. What more could a girl ask for?”

Jennifer frowns, something like guilt tightening her perfect features. “I know the situation isn’t ideal, but this is—“

“The safest place for me to be, especially since this psycho likes to strike at night,” you sigh, unable to help a dejected roll of your eyes. “I know. I’m grateful, truly, but this still isn’t exactly what I would call great.”

“We’re gonna catch him,” Jennifer assures you. She sounds so resolutely positive that you’re inclined to believe her, even though there’s the issue that they still can’t even tell you who he is. “Just… try and get some rest tonight, okay? You’re safe here. I’ll have whoever from the team leaves last come check on you one last time before they head out. Good night.”

“Night,” you tell her, and she smiles one last time at you before heading out the office door, once again leaving you to your lonesome.

You should try to get your mind off it, you know. Thinking of something else was imperative to getting to sleep for the night, and though that was the last thing on your mind right now, trying to wind down was certainly more productive thank sinking into your own body numbing panic. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done, and now that you were by yourself, you had all the time in the world to think.

Someone wanted you dead. Someone out there in the world, someone you’d had contact with in your daily life, someone wanted to kill you. You hadn’t managed to get much information out of anybody — There’s no point in working yourself up over it, Jennifer had told you. You’d wanted to scream at her, tell her she’d be of a different opinion if she was the one whose life was hanging in the balance, but you’d managed to hold yourself back. Though you had every excuse in the book to lose your cool, she didn’t deserve you your verbal abuse. Even in your state of frightened paranoia, you could recognize that none of this was her fault.

Why this was happening to you, you didn’t know. You wished you did. If whatever was making you a target for the rampaging serial killer was something changeable, you’d take care of it in a heartbeat. If it was the way you dressed, you’d fix it. If it was your willingness to be kind to strangers, you’d be meaner. Anything, anything to get you out of this terrifying mess. Anything that meant you got to go home and sleep in your own bed and not have to worry about whether someone was going to break in to your apartment and—

“Are you doing okay?”

The gentle voice startled you out of your reverie, though you couldn’t help flinching out of reflex at the sudden intrusion despite how quietly it had been spoken. Blinking yourself back into focus, your eyes shot over to the door, where you found the tall, lanky frame of one of the BAU agents taking up space in the doorway. The one with softer features than the rest, though you didn’t know whether that spoke more to his youth or his naivety. The one with a certain boyish quality about him that you couldn’t quite place, though he carried his head high and had a surprisingly confident set to his jaw, one that contrasted directly with the sheepish, almost bashful tone of voice he’d had when speaking to you. The one whose name you couldn’t quite recall, which was a testament to the ordeal you’d been through in the past few hours because you’d never be careless enough to forget the name of such a beautiful man on any regular day.

The itch of tears trailing down your skin brought you back to your senses, and as you reached up to swat them away, you realized there was no way he hadn’t seen them. “Just peachy,” you snarked, instantly feeling badly over the tone you’d taken. Whatever; there was nothing to be done for it now, and you could agonize over your rudeness when a pretty stranger wasn’t busy witnessing your terror. “Really just having the time of my life. Can’t you tell?”

And you swear if you concentrate, really concentrate, you can just make out the ghost of an amused smile curling the corners of his lip upward in response to your bitter attempt at sarcastic humor, but it quickly becomes overshadowed with concern at spying the tears still brimming in your eyes. “Sorry to interrupt it,” he murmurs, stepping out of the entrance and closing the door behind him, and something about his tone is so meaningful that you believe he’s genuine. He detours by the desk at the far side of the room to pick up the box of tissues sitting on its corner before making his way over to you and setting them on the filing cabinet just beside your cot. “I’m Dr. Spencer Reid. Agent Jareau asked if I would check in on you before I went home for the night.”

You blink, reaching for a tissue and wiping the rest of your tears away, thankful that this man is kind enough not to force you to talk about your emotional state. At his introduction, though, you pause, the familiarity of the name taunting at something in your mind. “You… you’re the one who called me. Before.”

Spencer nods leaning his weight against the filing cabinet he’d set the tissues on and absentmindedly tucking a particularly unruly strand of hair behind his ear. “That was me,” he confirms, leveling another kind smile your way. “I, um, I was actually the one to get you out of your house, too, but… I mean, you were pretty upset, so you might not remember much of that.”

The unfortunate truth, actually, was that you remembered Spencer collecting you from your home and escorting you into the protective arms of the FBI a little too well. More specifically, you remembered having nothing short of a mental breakdown on the phone at the news that a serial killer was targeting you, looking to murder you in some horrible, awfully gruesome manner, and all for some reason that Dr. Reid had declined to inform you of over the phone. He’d been kind enough to talk you through all your debilitating paranoias, kind enough to stay on the phone with you until he’d gotten to your home with his partner — Morgan, if you remembered correctly — and rushed in to make sure you were in one piece. Though he’d told you on the phone that they were just outside, though he’d warned you that they’d be coming in to collect you and take you into protective custody, you’d still lost your mind at the sight of a stranger in your home and immediately rushed him, kicking and screaming and begging for your life, your safety, your… well. Everything, really.

Luckily for Spencer, you were a horrible right hook and ended up doing more damage to yourself than to him, but unluckily for you, you’d been out of your mind in that moment, and had lost the impulse for self preservation. Spencer had calmed you down and restrained you long enough to stop your attempts at gouging his eyes out in self defense, but every last bit of composure you’d been clinging to instantly vanished, and you’d been left a bawling mess, falling apart in the loose, awkward embrace of his arms as you begged him not to let anything happen to you, as you desperately implored him to keep you safe.

More than a little embarrassing once you’d managed to calm down, to say the least.

“Right,” you muttered, dropping your eyes to the floor. It was nothing against Spencer, with his kind eyes and reassuring expression, but you were just about at your wit’s end, here, and you really didn’t have enough composure left in you to be the sweet, dainty girl you assumed he’d enjoy interacting with. “Well, all things considered, I’m just fine. So, if that’s all…”

Instead of taking the hint, instead of leaving you to your solitude and allowing you to wallow in your misery, Spencer simply readjusted his position against the filing cabinet and folded his hands together. “I’m… Look, I don’t mean to pry, but you’re crying, and I… kind of get the feeling that when you say you’re fine, you’re not really telling me the truth.”

“An astute observation, Dr. Reid,” you muttered, wringing your hands together. “Really, someone ought to give you a medal.”

“Well, if you wouldn’t mind passing that along to my boss,” Spencer chuckles, and the gentle joke is so at odds with the defensiveness that anyone else would have responded with that it practically jolts you into civility. By the time you realize this, he’s already shifted from the filing cabinet to sitting at the edge of your cot. Not quite close enough to invoke feelings of familiarity, but just enough to let you know that if you want to, you can confide in him. And, it’s silly, but you kind of think you want to. “So… you don’t have to tell me why you’re crying—“

“Oh, thank you for the permission.”

“— but if you want to,” Spencer presses on, “I’m here to listen. No offense, but I imagine pretending nothing’s bothering you gets to be exhausting after a little while.”

“You’d be the expert,” you sigh, crossing your arms over your chest, but you turn more fully to face where Spencer’s seated himself.

He was being kind to you — that alone was reason enough to grasp at some manners and stop being so defensive, but there was another, more personally beneficial one as well. Jennifer had been awfully tight lipped about the man pursuing you — who he was, what he did to his victims, why he was so interested in you. But… Spencer wasn’t Jennifer. Spencer also felt kind of bad for you. Taking all that into consideration, maybe he would be more willing to give you the answers you were looking for.

More willing, and more interested.

“You know, I do have a few questions” you begin, hugging your legs to your chest and tucking your chin against your knee. You wondered if you looked as small and pathetic as you felt. “I don’t… know that you’d be willing to answer any of them, though.”

Spencer arches a brow at you, and you subconsciously take note of the way that his eyes narrow the slightest bit, though it’s hard to tell whether that’s fascination or a sweeter kind of curiosity. “Well, I can’t try to answer them until you try asking them.”

Alright, well. Worth a shot at least.

“I was wondering...” You trail off and set your jaw, clearing your throat before trying again. “I want to know about the man who’s trying to kill me.”

—

[self-loving-vampire]

Geneforge 1 - Mutagen (2021)

Geneforge 1 - Mutagen is a modern remake of Spiderweb Software’s classic Geneforge series, which spanned 5 games and ran from 2001 to 2011. It is notable primarily for its unique setting and quality writing. I especially like how the game does not squander the potential of its premise and explores many of the ethical, political, and legal aspects of Shaping.

Summary

In the world of Geneforge, there is an order of mages called Shapers. Shapers are capable of creating and modifying living beings simply called “Creations”. There is a very wide variety of Creations, built for different purposes.

You are a Shaper in training, sailing the seas in a living craft as part of training. While doing this, you come near an island that has been Barred, meaning that entrance to it has been strictly forbidden (this can happen due to failed experiments, secret projects, etc.)

At that moment, your craft is attacked and killed by a strange ship. You manage to reach the shore, finding that the island you have found yourself in is far from abandoned...

Freedom

Really good overall. Not only do you have a good selection of playstyles but you also have multiple endings and various faction choices. Additionally, you can explore the world rather freely, stopped only by organic barriers such as strong enemies, environmental hazards, and lack of access tools rather than plot contrivances.

Many quests have multiple solutions, and you also often get multiple dialogue options in reaction to various things.

One weakness I noticed is that there are situations where your dialogue choices make for a simple binary. However, this is not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things and this game still does far better than many others in this department.

One thing I particularly like is that while some of the game’s final decisions determine the bulk of what ending you get, your relationships with the game’s three main factions still seem to have an impact on the ending and interact with your other decisions in complex ways.

Character Creation/Customization

On the surface, I thought the character creation of this game was simply good but basic. You can select one of three classes and spend some points to increase your initial stats and skills. There are no backgrounds, traits, races, or even all that much appearance-based customization.

However, after some hours of playing I discovered that the versatility of Shaping makes things far more complex than they first appear.

The three classes available to you are:

Shaper - A specialist at creating and enhancing various allies. They are weak in combat, but can have the strongest and most numerous Creations. They are also decent at magic.

Guardian - The warriors of the shaper sect. They are the strongest in terms of physical prowess but have very weak magic. Of the three classes, they are in the middle in terms of shaping ability, being able to field some Creations but not as many as the Shaper.

Agent - Allegedly the most challenging class to play. They are highly skilled in “conventional” (non-shaper) magic and average at combat, but not very good at shaping, often acting on their own.

Out of these, I think Shaper is not only likely the easiest but also the most interesting and the most appropriate to the themes of the game.  In addition to your basic stats, you can select skills in things like combat, offensive magic, buffs, a few different shaping styles, and three non-combat skills (Leadership, Mechanics, and Stealth).

The Leadership skill serves as a diplomacy skill and also allows you to control Creations with your will. The Mechanics skill allows you to disable traps and pick locks.

The complexity comes from the creations you will unlock throughout the game.

There are nine base creation types (each with an alternate form with slightly different abilities) plus hidden creations you will have to discover as you play.

All creations consume varying amounts of Essence. Often, more powerful creations will have higher Essence costs, and you have a limited amount of Essence to distribute among all of your creations.

You can spend additional essence to enhance your creations with better stats and additional abilities, both passive and active.

On top of that, Essence is also required to cast most spells, so the more of it you spend on creations the less of it you will have for things like healing and combat buffs.

This means that even within just the Shaper class there is a variety of playstyles available. From bombarding the enemy with multiple weaker ranged creations to focusing on just a couple of more powerful ones such as upgraded Drayks, while also keeping some essence on reserve for your own spells.

Story/Setting

The game takes place on the mysterious Sucia Island, which has been barred for reasons you will uncover during the course of the game. You are not alone in this island, as you will soon make contact with intelligent life in the form of Serviles.

Serviles are a common Creation, made to essentially serve as slaves to the Shapers. Many of the Serviles you saw while growing up treated Shapers with fear, awe, and absolute submission.

But that is not the case here. The Serviles of Sucia island are largely “rogue”, and have divided themselves into three factions.

The first is the Awakened. These Serviles remain grateful to the Shapers for giving them life, but wish to deal with them as equals rather than slaves. They believe that all intelligent creations should be treated equally.

The second is the Obeyers, who retain the instinct bred into Serviles and wish to remain loyal to the Shapers, yearning for their return to Sucia. However, dealing with them is still not so simple. If you try to tell them that they should be independent like the other two factions, they will (correctly) see you as a rebel who does not represent the true will of the Shapers or act in accordance to their laws.

The third, and probably most complex, of the factions is the Takers. This is a group of radical Serviles who despise the Shapers. Their name comes from their willingness to take their destiny into their own hands by any means necessary. Many of them treat you with some degree of hostility, but none of these factions is a monolith with a completely unified worldview.

In fact, if you meet the leader of the Takers, you will discover that at least some of them would be willing to forgive everything if granted freedom, they just don’t think it is likely that the Shapers would grant it and are willing to die rather than return to slavery.

And the thing is that this is probably correct. The more you play the more you realize that the sect you grew up in is twisted and would sooner genocide all life in Sucia island than treat “rogue” creations as equals.

One moment that I felt really highlights this is when you meet one of the few Drayks who inhabit the island. Drayks are pretty much Geneforge’s take on fantasy dragons. They are highly intelligent and independent creations, which is the reason why creating more of them was forbidden by the Shapers.

As Sucia has been barred and isolated from the rest of the world for a long time, the Drayk you meet is not aware of this new law. When you inform them about it, their reaction is grim.

The drayk realizes, in that moment, that their entire species will one day go extinct simply because your people will it. Because they were not submissive enough. Not good enough slaves.

The Shapers may have the power to create life, but they are not kind to that life. They are no different from abusive parents who want children to be servants or property.

And this is not even getting into the topic of the titular Geneforge or the other inhabitants of the island...

Overall, I found the story and worldbuilding of this game to be excellent. None of the factions feel one-dimensional and often there are many different points of view within each of them. That makes them feel deeper and more real than many other video game factions, where everyone on the same side is implied to have broadly the same beliefs and there are no schisms, sub-factions, or major differences.

Immersion

Judging how immersive Geneforge games are is somewhat complicated. On one side, this game lacks a lot of the features that make it easier for me to roleplay living in its world day to day.

On the other, the writing and worldbuilding are great and the consequences for various actions sound sensible.

The writing is really carrying this aspect of the game I think, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Gameplay

Combat is in a reasonably good place. It is extremely simple to understand, while still offering some level of depth later in the game. For the most part, combat is also not that difficult unless you push yourself into areas you are not yet ready for.

I do have a number of complaints to make, but want to make it clear that these were never enough to really ruin my enjoyment of the game.

The most significant of these complaints has to do with the way experience is awarded in relation to your own level.

As your level increases, not only enemies but also quests will start granting you less and less experience. I can see why one might make such a design decision, as it means exploration and unique quest rewards will quickly become more significant sources of power than combat alone, but on a purely psychological level I just don’t like to go through a fight and get nothing at all in return, especially since the game does have quite a bit of combat.

This can make some sections of the game drag on. In particular, fights against defensive crystals in a couple of locations can be a bit slow, as the crystals are very durable and dangerous to approach in melee due to how they explode upon death.

Aesthetics

Spiderweb games are known for having minimal budgets, and the area that usually ends up receiving the least funds is the graphics and sound.

So despite being a remake from 2021, this is a game that looks like it was made in the 90s and has no music apart from the title screen’s.

Personally, this does not bother me at all. I think pretty graphics are nice and good music can definitely add to the atmosphere of a game (see Fallout 1 or Planescape: Torment, for example) neither is the core of what I am looking for in a game, especially in this genre.

I do like some of the ambient sound effects though. In particular the corvid cawing in some of the game’s more desolate areas.

Putting the graphics and sound aside, the way the game uses Shaping to establish its setting earns it a lot of aesthetic points, as it ends up with a very unique identity.

For example, Geneforge does not use bows as its primary ranged weapons. It uses living batons that launch thorns. It also largely does not include any generic fantasy races like elves or orcs.

Accessibility

Actually really good, far better than I expected even. Combat is an extremely simple affair, making a functional build with most classes is not complicated, the game’s general mechanics are transparent, and there is both a short tutorial and in-game instructions.

Really if you can get past the presentation you won’t have many obstacles to playing this game. It even has multiple difficulty options, including a casual mode for those who just want to follow the story and don’t want to have to think too much about how to overcome the game’s obstacles.

Conclusion

Geneforge has a lot of what I like in an RPG. Things like character creation, rich worldbuilding, non-linear gameplay, and the ability to make meaningful decisions.

I especially recommend this one to people who want something different from the standard fantasy RPG experience, and also to the type of mega-nerd who will enjoy analyzing the game’s world and themes in detail. There is much to talk about here.