#anyway I know I'm late to the party

[asongaboutpirates]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Black Sails Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/Charles Vane Characters: Captain Flint | James McGraw, Charles Vane Additional Tags: Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Porn With Very Little Plot, Healing Sex, Magical Healing Cock, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Rough Sex, Tender Sex, Bottom Captain Flint | James McGraw, Canon-Typical Violence, Kissing, Crying Summary:

Coda to 3x06.

After the duel with Teach, Charles takes care of Flint in more ways than one…

[mangeur-detoiles]

LUCY & KATE | NCIS HAWAI'I 2x19

Cute girlfriends.

[coffeebanana]

ladynoir getting married and having babies in stardew valley to recreate the jublilation dream...

[starryalpacasstuff]

LITBC: Jaehee, and why she matters so much to me

Ok, I don't have a lot of time, so this is going to be messy, apologies in advance

When you're queer and living in a country that is generally homophobic, the default expectation one has is for people to be homophobic, hence Young's shock when Jaehee doesn't seem surprised or disgusted when she finds him kissing a guy. The two of them bond quickly due to their mutual status as social piranhas, and I can't stop thinking about why Jaehee matters so much. To be honest, Jaehee is everything one could want from a straight friend in a conservative country. Not only is she completely fine with Young being gay, I want to stress how important it is that Young can talk to her about his flings and one night stands openly. In asian society, it's typical for queerness to be something that people know about but never acknowledge, and for openly discussing it to be taboo. I've had experiences where friends that know I'm queer simply don't acknowledge the fact, choosing to act as though I'd never come out to them. That's the standard for 'acceptance' in asian society; tolerance. People don't stop associating with you, they simply act as though your queerness doesn't exist (and get visibility uncomfortable when you bring it up). That's why Jaehee is so important. Jaehee talks with Young about sex, his flings, and sizes up his dates from behind a coffee shop counter. She doesn't treat Young's queerness as something she has to tolerate and ignore.

It's not to say that Jaehee is the perfect ally. She still doesn't fully understand Young's queerness, and she outs him to her fiance, saying that he's basically a girl because he likes men (there's a whole host of issues to unpack with that, but as much as i'd like to, I don't have the time). But it remains a fact of the matter that Jaehee is incredibly progressive by asian standards, for the simple reason that she doesn't treat queerness as a hush-hush topic. And, I think, that's part of the reason that Jaehee outing him to her fiancé hurt Young so much. Young says it himself, his anger and feeling of betrayal was funny if he thought about it, because he'd never really cared about being outed before. He says it himself, the only explanation that he has is, "Because she was Jaehee". He says that he wasn't used to feeling betrayed because he expected so little of others. But his situation with Jaehee was different because Jaehee was different, and unlike the others, he'd come to expect her to understand him, to stand with him no matter what. Because Jaehee wasn't like the others, so Jaehee shouldn't have done what others would have. It hurt him when he realized that Jaehee was choosing to fit fit into society's expectation of her over him.

But that's something I can relate to so much; expecting people to understand you, especially those you hold close, until reality hits. Mistaking tolerance for acceptance, acceptance for understanding. I mentioned that the default expectation for I have when meeting people is that they will be homophobic, and I learned that through finding out, over and over again, that people I held close to me simply did not accept me, or understand me. And even if you do your best to not care about it, once you've figured it out, the crack in the relationship only widens with time, because you simply can't bring yourself to think of the person the same way as before. And that's what happened with Young and Jaehee. Because Jaehee accepted Young, he expected her to stand with him no matter what. But she didn't, and that's what hurt him. Jaehee accepted Young, yes. But she also chose to fit in with society's expectations over him, which ultimately caused the two to drift apart.

To me, Jaehee is a bittersweet character. She's loud and unapologetic, and she accepts Young in a way that seems almost too good to be true; because it sort of is. Because she also represents how people in asian societies have a long way to go before they understand queerness, and how queer people lose friendships because of it, which is something I know painfully well.

[hanzajesthanza]

the last wish (ostatnie życzenie)

[nice-and-accurate-reblogs]

i love you episode 2 of good omens i love you you can't go 90 mph in central london i love you what's a velvet underground? you wouldn't like it. ah, bebop i love you crowley's facial expression when aziraphale thanks him i love you sorry to break up an intimate moment can i help you? i love you you hit someone. i didn't, someone hit me i love you get in angel i love you tickety-boo i love you aziraphale's ooooohooooho i love you sorry, right number.

[thegoosiestlucy]

so i finally watched barry and can i just say bill hader is a masterful director. every shot is so purposeful and deliberate and clever and distinctive. don't even get me started on his use of sound. even in seasons 1-3 you can tell which episodes he directed just from the style and it's amazing. i love bill hader's directing so much. in this essay i wi—

[mystery-moose]

EYO THE OSCAR NOMS ARE OUT

Let’s discuss!

BEST PICTURE: I've seen four of the ten nominees this year! Not a bad score for me. Of the remainder I am very interested in American Fiction, Anatomy of a Fall, and Past Lives. American Fiction in particular got Jeffrey Wright a Best Actor nomination! I love Jeffrey Wright! He deserves more recognition! Any film that can get him that has gotta be worth something.

Of the ones I’ve seen… I’d probably select Killers of the Flower Moon as the best? It’s a hard watch, but the craft on display at every level is exceptional. If not that, then… I dunno, maybe Barbie? The Holdovers is a safe choice, it’s a great movie, but there’s almost nothing… surprising about it. Barbie is CONSTANTLY surprising! But it’s also a madcap comedy bathed in metaphor so… man I don’t know!

Regardless, I wouldn’t pick Oppenheimer. Not to disrespect it, I genuinely believe it to be a very interesting film that’s compelling to watch, and as always Christopher Nolan’s ability to make weird-ass films with experimental structures popular with a mass audience is worthy of tremendous respect. But its pacing is rushed, its script is sometimes awkward to the point of parody, and I just don’t know that it’s saying or doing anything THAT interesting or enlightening about the real people involved or about people or history in general. Y’know?

BEST DIRECTOR: Nothing but Best Picture nominees here, which makes sense. Pretty blown away that Alexander Payne didn't get a nom here for The Holdovers. Not blown away at all that Greta Gerwig didn't get one for Barbie, despite that whole thing clearly being her baby. A real Streisand situation here, I'd say! "Eight nominations on the shelf, did this film direct itself?" Regardless of who wins (or even who I think deserves to!) I'd definitely say Gerwig got snubbed here.

BEST ACTOR: All best picture nominees here, save for Colman Domingo for Rustin. Had never heard of this film before, because it's a Netflix film and they always bury all their work, but it's about a civil rights activist so that makes... how many years that the Academy has included one of these in a Best Actor/Actress context? Selma, Harriet, Judas and the Black Messiah. I'm sure Colman Domingo gives a good performance, just noting that the Academy loves to nominate these for acting awards and not honor them in most any other way. (Hey, Jeffrey Wright's in that movie too! Good year for him!)

Bradley Cooper's here too. I don't think I like him very much! I've never disliked him really, but I've never loved his performance either. But the Academy seems to, since he's been nominated... TWELVE TIMES? Holy SHIT no wonder I wasn't surprised to see his name. Never won one, though. He keeps this up, maybe they'll throw him a pity one like they did for DiCaprio. Then again, I don't think Cooper assigns as much value to it as Leo did -- or at least, it doesn't feel like it. I care so little about Bradley Cooper! I don't follow his personal journey very closely! He's fine, I guess!

As a fan, I'd LOVE to see Jeffrey Wright take it, even though I haven't seen his movie. Of the ones I have, Cillian Murphy is very good in Oppenheimer, no question, but I've gotta give it to my man Paulie G. Dude is an incredibly talented actor with a non-traditional look who's done great work for decades and deserves a big win. He's fantastic in Holdovers too! It's a layered, funny, incredibly natural performance that he just falls into. Not particularly showy, which lowers his chances for a win, but to me (and most sensible folks) that makes it a better performance, so there, nyeh!

BEST ACTRESS: I haven't seen four of these but if they don't give it to Lily Gladstone they've fucked up. Sorry, other nominees, that's all there is to it. Also, where the fuck is Margot Robbie? She's incredible in Barbie! If I get to Supporting Actor and Ryan Gosling is there, this is misogyny.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: This is misogyny!! But I'd love for Gosling to win for this. It'd be his first, and for a role like this that'd be hilarious. That being said it's still a tremendous performance! His commitment to the role both on-screen and off is clear, he's having a ball throughout, and he does his own dancing! God, I just wanna see his speech.

That being said, he has some extremely stiff competition. De Niro continues his golden year renaissance with an excellent performance of a very evil man in Killers of the Flower Moon, and Downey Jr. is so good in Oppenheimer that it took me a couple minutes and a scene transition to realize it was him at all! Also Sterling K. Brown and Mark Ruffalo are here! I like both those guys! If I had to pick one that I've seen that isn't Gosling? Probably Downey Jr. If I gave Oppenheimer one award, it would be this one.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: I like all these actresses, I think America Ferrera is very good in Barbie, and Jodie Foster has been doing great work lately, but this award belongs to Da'Vine Joy Randolph. She takes a character that could be one note in The Holdovers and invests them with so much life and complexity and history. I still think about that movie in part because of her, and because she made choices that made that character feel more authentic. It's maybe the most I've been impressed by an actress in a good long while, frankly! She deserves this one! Don't fuck it up, Academy! (but I know you will)

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: All Best Picture nominees, save for a movie called May December... because it's a Netflix film, of course. God, they sure do make a lot of award-worthy films I never ever hear about, huh! Wild how that happens! (Did you even know a new Spy Kids movie came out this year? Of course you didn't! It was on Netflix!)

I haven't seen four of these, but heard good things about Past Lives. I do really love The Holdovers though! Unless one of the others really knocks my socks off, I'd be comfortable with that winning here.

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Oppenheimer does not deserve this. I'm sorry, maybe it's a failure of editing, but the pacing on this thing is too breakneck. Maybe that's a failure of editing more than screenplay, though. Then again, the dialogue itself is uh... often pretty blunt and borderline silly, in that Nolan sort of way! So, y'know!

I'd love to see Barbie win it. It's so fucking funny, and occasionally vibrating with pathos. But I haven't seen the others, and they might rule, actually! American Fiction might be great! I'm looking forward to finding out when it hits digital!

ANIMATED FEATURE: I still think we probably shouldn't cordon these off into their own category, but then so few would get nominated for anything, so let's just live in the world we have, huh? The Boy and the Heron is a Miyazaki film, so that automatically makes it a contender, though I've heard some mixed things about it. Nimona is a dark horse that I remember having some buzz around it earlier this year, and Robot Dreams is a sad movie about a robot so it's automatically a movie I vibe with! Elemental... exists! (Why in the hell was this nominated and not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem?! Why of all things did THAT get snubbed?!)

But we all know this belongs to Across the Spider-Verse. It might not be a complete narrative, but purely on visual spectacle alone, it should win. It is, without question, the wildest eyeball experience I've ever had watching a movie, finally dethroning the previous occupiers, the Wachowskis' Speed Racer and the animated film Redline. It is constantly visually surprising and experimental, to the point that much like its predecessor I don't know how they fucking did some of the stuff they did. It's not the out-of-nowhere immediate game-changer that its predecessor was, and it might not have the immediate influence on an entire genre in the same way... but I think it pushes the medium even further! I can't wait to see what other movies look like in the future because of it.

(also the production sounds like it was a nightmare, animators deserve more pay and more respect, unionize, etc.)

PRODUCTION DESIGN: I mean, of all the things about Napoleon, how it looked was the absolute best of them. I wouldn't be too upset if it won... except I would, because Barbie. I mean, come on. COME ON. This one's a gimme. (Though why is The Creator not here? I know it was a pretty bad movie, but the design? Absolutely impeccable vibes!)

COSTUME DESIGN: I mean. Barbie. Did you see Ken's outfits?

CINEMATOGRAPHY: This is my nerd-ass award I care about. I've liked Hoyte van Hoytema's work in the past, and if Oppenheimer won this I wouldn't think it a complete miscarriage of justice -- it's got some really great images in it. But to me this is Flower Moon's award to lose. I haven't seen the others, but I don't know that anything else is going to match that. It's not too showy, but it is pretty damn impeccable.

There are also movies that I think got snubbed here, like John Wick 4 (yes I'm serious) and Sisu (again, I'm serious) and The Killer. Heck, they didn't even nominate The Holdovers here, and that movie leans into its period setting by aping the cinematography of films from that period! That's neat!

EDITING: That Oppenheimer is here is more proof the Academy doesn't know what good editing is. I mean, if you isolated a couple scenes of that movie, there IS great editing there! And even structurally, I think it makes some bold choices that should be rewarded! But as a whole, I didn't feel like I had time to breathe during a scene, and most of that is down to Nolan always choosing to cut or transition too soon. Sometimes it's even a matter of seconds! But those seconds matter! They're the difference between me feeling like I'm moving through a room and feeling like I'm being hurried through a room, y'know what I mean?

I'd probably go with Flower Moon here, but Holdovers has a lovely, languid pace to it and some very funny cuts, so I'm leaning in that direction too. Haven't seen the others!

MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING: How is Barbie not here?! What the hell kind of award show is this?! (A Bad one, we all know this.)

SOUND: (This used to be two awards, one for sound mixing and one for sound editing, and on a technical level those are two very different skills, but whatever, Academy!)

This is one I think that Oppenheimer will probably take, because it does some cool things with sound a few times. But it's also one that I think The Creator might actually deserve. Some really killer sound in that film, right up there with its production design -- which it should have gotten a nomination for! Also, Mission: Impossible dark horse, just to give it something. Because I love those movies, even if this year's was maybe my fourth-favorite Mission: Impossible movie that still makes it better than most movies!

VISUAL EFFECTS: It's kind of a long-shot, but I'm pulling for Godzilla Minus One here. Guardians looked good, The Creator looked good (it's about all it did) and I absolutely adore and respect the commitment to practical stunts and car chases and effects in Mission: Impossible and it should get all the recognition possible for throwing a real train off a real cliff... but c'mon. It's Godzilla. And by all accounts, it does so much with so little, at least in terms of budget. It's a movie directed by a guy who previously supervised visual effects! Of course it was gonna look good! That it looks that good at that budget though? Might be enough to get it the big win. Here's to hoping! It'd be nice to see a movie that cost about ten million dollars be recognized as having better visual effects than a movie that cost... two hundred and fifty million Jesus Christ what are you doing Disney.

ORIGINAL SCORE: Be neat to see Indiana Jones take this one! Good score, nice but not too reverent. But I don't have particularly strong feelings this like I have in previous ones. Don't remember many movie scores from this year, nothing's made it into my playlist beyond a couple Mission: Impossible tracks, certainly nothing's impressed me as much as something like The Batman's score or anything.

ORIGINAL SONG: Two songs from Barbie here, one from the Flamin' Hot Cheetos movie (yes it's real and yes it's historically inaccurate!) and one from... Killers of the Flower Moon. Uh oh. Uh oh! I was all ready to be ride or die for "I'm Just Ken" (and to be clear if it won I wouldn't object) but that song in Flower Moon and how it hits at the end... well. It should probably win, is what I'm saying. Even if it's not the fun choice. Be nice to see it performed, at least. These will all be great performances, probably!

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: I haven't seen any of these! I usually don't until at least year or two after the fact! Just how I end up watching documentaries, usually. It'll probably be the one about Ukraine, though. Not necessarily because it's the best one, but because the Academy likes to think that making picks like that is somehow activism. (Also can you believe that's still happening? Ukrainian sovereignty, end the war, etc.)

INTERNATIONAL FEATURE: Haven't seen any of these, but heard good things about Society of the Snow. Zone of Interest is a best picture nominee, so odds are that'll be the one that wins. Surprised a Japanese film got in here but it's not Godzilla! Damn! Was hoping for a dark horse win for Big G!

ANIMATED SHORT: Never seen 'em!

DOCUMENTARY SHORT: Most of the short documentaries I watch are on Youtube these days!

LIVE ACTION SHORT: Good for all these people who got nominated!

THAT'S IT hoo boy the Oscars, huh. This year's a bit of a dull one, nothing that I'm really excited about winning anything outside of like, Barbie. Killers of the Flower Moon definitely deserves a lot of awards, but how many it'll get remains to be seen. Also I just realized DiCaprio didn't score a nomination for his part in that! Just Lily Gladstone! Haha! Good! (Though I do think DiCaprio's work has improved noticeably after he finally got his stupid Oscar. Almost like he stopped trying so hard and that made his performances feel more natural! Wild!)

Anyway, next year I'm gonna be stumping hard for Dune 2 so. Be prepared for that.

[psychic-waffles]

wait what do you mean the lombardia stream is €20

[beastie-art]

So I just watched episode 9 of Yellowjackets

[moonfromearth]

- You can't take these kinds of things lightly. Believe me. I've seen it all before.

Day 10 - The Detective "Thinks they know best, and the main cast hates them for this. They’re always poking around, checking things out. Typically they’re a blessing to The Final Girl, helping best the killer, or a curse, in which you’re happy to see them die."

from @windbrook's Slashed Challenge.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

one other thing that's weird about the spamton questline is that kris asks their party members to wait outside while they deal with him.

but no no wait hold up. you get it right? that means that kris can talk without the player's direct input. moreover, when they do so, we can't hear what they say. it's not communicated to us even through narration.

spamton's dialogue in battle frequently sounds weird and one-sided but what if kris is actually having a whole conversation with him?? that would even add context to this line in the normal neo fight:

[Friends]!? KRIS!? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? YOU DON'T NEED [Friends]!! I CAN MAKE MY HANDS INTO PHONES!!!

and what else could they be saying??

[everlasting-evocation]

Fear and Hunger Termina Early Game Spoilers

OKAY I'm speedrunning a playthrough of Termina trying to get to that one quest where you save Pav and as it turns out if you go up into the blocked off street on the right side of the Main Junction by Day 1 morning you can see an Elite Trooper escorting Kaiser up to the Hollow Tower???

Image below the cut

[princiere]

finished the new hsr main quest in abt 5hrs 👍 I'm so fucking unwell for various reasons

[hurryupmerlin]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, COREY!!

I was thinking "hey, what could I get Cor for his special day?" and someone said "a birthday cake." And I was like "what were you saying? A PWP fic about two traumatised PTSD-stricken clones having sex?" "No, that's absolutely not what I—" "On its way!"

Mal belongs to @riinoaheartilly

—------------------------------

The best thing about life as a deserter might be the afternoon naps. To be able to sleep when you're tired, to not have to torture yourself beyond your breaking point every day in cold mud holes and trenches, where you’re always in danger of not waking up if you allow yourself the weakness of sleep; that's a luxury he would hate to give up again.

No, wait. He needs to correct himself. The very best thing just walked through the door and is now headed for him. Warm autumn light shines through the small window, giving Ami's skin a golden glow. Mal smiles through heavy eyelids, the remnants of sleep still crumbly in the corners of his eyes.

“Good timing,” he says and extends a hand in invitation, “just woke up.”

Ami is wearing nothing but a thigh-length linen tunic that is way too big for him and Mal wonders where he got it, until he sees the telltale misweave near the hem and recognizes it as his own. Either way, it suits him.

The young man's movement pattern is tense though, he takes small tight steps, his face is unusually red.

"What have you been up to now again?" Mal asks with a snort.

Ami wordlessly climbs onto the bed with him and is met by strong arms that wrap him in a loving embrace. The slender body naturally nestles against Mal's flank and Mal dips his head to place a welcoming kiss on Ami's temple.

“Don’t wanna talk?” Mal tries and Ami shakes his head where it rests on Mal’s shoulder.

A beat. Then: “You are not allowed to talk either, okay?” Ami says it so softly, Mal needs a moment to process what he was just instructed to do.

“Okay.”

“You can say ‘stop’ anytime. But nothing else, yes?”

“Yes, Sir,” Mal quips, curious now.

For a moment nothing happens, as if Ami needs time to collect himself. Then a hand comes to rest on Mal’s crotch and the trooper skips a breath. There's not much hesitation after that. It's happening so fast, Mal can hardly adjust his thoughts to the situation. Expertly, Ami works him to excitement with nothing but a firm palm over coarse fabric, and shortly after, Mal is squirming so eagerly that Ami cranes to meet him for open-mouth kisses, giving him a counter-sensation to concentrate on.

"Ami, y—" Mal pants but he is cut off with a noise of disagreement, shushing him. He follows the directive again, closing his mouth ostentatiously and instantly gets rewarded.

A whole new sensation rocks through him as Ami's licked hand slips under his pants. He is warm, but on Mal's searing hot skin the touch seems almost cool around his shaft, gentle fingers curling, releasing, lazily stroking him. 

Hardly anything is left of Ami's initial shyness. He works Mal routinely and willingly in slow strokes down, and sloppy but heartfelt kisses up; and Mal has no idea what he has done to deserve this benefaction but he gladly accepts it.

His body doesn’t even try to hide how much he enjoys it, sedulously growing under Ami's doing. Every stroke pushes him further to full size and when Mal doubts it can get any better, his lover dives down to pull Mal's pants to his knees and closes spit-soaked lips around him. Well, he literally stands corrected, because he quickly learns that up to this point he wasn't yet as hard as he could get. He files it as a pleasant lesson.

By now he's reduced to whimpers, biting back 'yes please's he's not allowed to vocalize, and all he can do is focus on not jerking into Ami's mouth like a proper bastard, despite how much his hips tremble with the need to. Clinging to his composure keeps getting more difficult the longer Ami teases him. He can't remember the last time he was this turned on, or this hard.

He could come like this, wants to come like this, wants to see Ami gulp him down, all soft lips and tongue and red cheeks. The muscles in his thighs tense – and suddenly, Ami releases him from his hot mouth. He nearly complains at the abrupt loss of pleasure, but in the end, all he does is throw his head back on the pillow with a pitiful sigh.

Ami looks up with big eyes full of tentativeness and Mal can’t help but smile at the adorable sight. With a gentle tug on his shoulders he gestures him to come up and Ami follows his request, crawling on top of him to snuggle against his chest.

“That was nice,” Mal rasps, heart still pounding from the excitement. 

Because it really was nice. Completely different from sex with Bruiser, with whom his main concern used to be how to get him to finally shut his fucking face and cum as quickly as possible. This isn’t a hate fuck.

Ami makes a disagreeing noise in response to the words, placing his index finger on Mal’s lips. Mal’s eyebrows shoot up. We’re not done yet, huh? 

He gets his answer in the form of a long kiss that turns from sweet to passionate over the course of minutes. Ami tastes like him at first and that’s something Mal hadn't considered a kink of his, but now that he got a sample, he wants Ami to taste like him all over. 

Somehow, the boy has managed to position himself on Mal’s lap, straddling him as he sits up, and Mal gets overly aware of what position he’s in when a bolt of arousal shoots through him yet again, making him gasp into Ami’s mouth. Ami grinds against him and as it turns out, he’s really wearing nothing but that damn tunic, they’re skin on skin now, cocks brushing against each other, and Mal’s head is spinning so violently, all he can do is place his hands flat on Ami’s thighs in a desperate attempt to ground himself enough as not to just come right there and then and prematurely ruin it all.

Ami shifts his hips, an expression of topmost concentration furrows his brow. He leans slightly forward and upward, bracing himself next to Mal's chest with one hand while reaching for Mal's dick with the other and… the noise Mal makes when Ami alings them is unholy. Ami's cleft is already wet, all slicked up and ready for him, and it trickles slowly into Mal's brain that the answer to 'what have you been up to?' was and is: 'I prepared to have sex with you and went through with it.'

Which is a thing that doesn’t fit Ami at all, Mal wonders. His Ami is shy smiles and innocent giggles and— so fucking sexy how he completely loses control over his face as he eases himself onto Mal's length, with his eyes closed shut tightly and mouth slightly open, making broken little noises of half-pleasure, half-pain.

There's not much Mal can do to make it easier for him. He tries to hold his legs still and helplessly lets his hands roam over Ami wherever he can reach. The need to see and feel more of this amazing human being drowns him. He goes for the hem of the tunic, lifting up the fabric – and Ami's eyes snap open. 

Slender hands curl around both his wrists and Mal lets go of the fabric, which cues Ami to intertwine their fingers and, with a stifling sob, settle deep onto Mal's lap.

A shuddering breath leaves Mal's lungs. He didn't know it could feel like this to be with someone, but he likes it more than he ever would've thought. For once no malice, no hurry to get done with it, no leaning against the next best cold surface, no fists and pain and harsh words just to feel something. Instead, now it almost feels too blissful. It fogs his brain, brings his core to a burn. It's horribly slow and yet not slow enough. Somewhere in him blossom feelings that are new and heavy and sweet, and maybe the tender little plant can become more, maybe it is enough for a sturdy garden that could survive even this freezing winter of obstacles they face.

For a brief moment, Ami's eyes flutter open, taking in the man under him. And if the slight tremor in his body tells anything, it must be that he shares the sentiment.

As soon as he's used to the stretch, his hips start moving. He lets them roll over Mal in a cautious half-thrust and Mal gives in to his desires, jerks up to meet him, coaxing deliciously sweet moans out of his lover as much as himself.

It's careful and loving, full of restraint at first, then they find an angle that fits and Ami loosens up, gets more demanding in the way he moves and Mal is happy to deliver whatever the other needs. They change rhythm ever so often when it gets too intense, when Ami's voice breaks off in desperate whines and Mal's thrusts become so frantic he has to halt altogether until his brain clears.

He plants his feet on the mattress which is giving him more leverage to roll up against Ami. And Ami, good, honest Ami finally does what Mal so desperately wants him to do – he breathes out something that very much sounds like Mal's name. He's gone so thoroughly by now, it takes him a while to come to awareness of what he's repeating over and over, that he's breaking his own rules, but then he lets go of the cybernetic hand to bite down on his own fist and with this, biting back any noises at all, much to Mal's keen disappointment.

Mal reaches for his hand again, pries it away to place light kisses on strained knuckles without taking his eyes off Ami. Their gazes are firmly anchored on each other and Ami's worry only shows in the way he works his lower lip with his teeth until it is swollen and crimson. The sight makes Mal smile again, and for Ami that's enough of an invitation to dip down and kiss him breathless.

Mal closes his arms around him, squeezes him tightly, and allows his hands to start wandering. His fingers cautiously ask permission as they slip under the tunic, lingering briefly. To his surprise, Ami allows it, and Mal's hands explore further, stroking over soft skin and palpable ribs until he dares reach forward, closing his hands around Ami's cock that was caught uselessly between their bellies. With a sigh, Ami hides his face against Mal's shoulder, but he keeps the rhythm they settled on, rocking against Mal in fast, deep movements.

The tension in his abdomen boils up. Mal wonders if he's allowed to warn him that he's feeling the buildup approach overrun, if it would upset Ami if he'd speak up or if it would be worse to take him at advantage like that. But the way Ami clings to him – closer than Mal has ever let anyone get to him – gives him confidence that maybe they really don't need that many words after all.

He makes a little noise and Ami catches on immediately, hums approvingly in response. Mal can feel the chuckle against his shoulder, kisses Ami's neck and Ami's now slow-paced movements draw out even longer as he feels Mal pulse inside of him. 

The orgasm washes through Mal like a wave of electricity. His hands snap to Ami's hips, holding him still as he pumps into him, silent pleas of ecstasy written on his face, followed by mute curses of overstimulation, bracing himself with shuddering legs, chasing and letting it go until he's lying there boneless, reduced to heaving breaths and sweat.

He hardly had a chance to enjoy his afterglow when Ami stirs, detaches himself from him, unpinning the fingers still on him and Mal looks up.

"Well, that was… not how I had imagined our first time." He tries to lighten the strangely tense mood with a half-laugh. He'd never complain about the initiative, no objections to a surprise fuck. But when he had fantasized about sleeping with Ami, it had always involved a lot more romantic atmosphere, naked skin and words of praise.

To his utmost horror, tears start forming in the brown eyes he's looking into.

"Ami…," he tries, reaching out, but Amiss is crying now as if he unplugged a dam, backing away from the touch as Mal reaches out a hand to him and Mal's stomach twists in shock.

"I'm sorry," Ami croaks, throat tight, "I'm so sorry. I know it's selfish. I wanted to sleep with you so badly and I ruined it."

Mal is so appalled that the "what?!" that bursts out of him is far too loud for the quiet room. Ami flinches like a dog used to a beating and when Mal tries to make up for his mistake, wants to kiss him and calm him down, Ami jumps out of bed. His legs don't support him yet, still too shaky from the effort, and Mal gets up to look over the edge of the mattress where the cute idiot he fell in love with is sitting on the floor looking utterly crestfallen. For a hot second, Mal is on the verge of panic. He hates seeing Ami like this and he hates even more that he’s the reason for it, but the whole situation is so ridiculously wrong it's really hard to stay serious about it.

"I didn't mean it," Mal says, voice like dripping honey. "You didn't ruin anything. Please come back to me."

Pretty eyes look up to him through wet lashes. When Ami makes no move, Mal decides he's not gonna let Ami humiliate himself any longer, and he gets out of bed to pick the fightless boy up bridal-style. He still weighs frighteningly little, Mal notices. Carefully, he sets Ami down on the sheets and lies with him, cautiously approaching, inch by inch, until Ami turns to face him and closes the gap to bury his face in Mal's chest. It’s a relief he feels in every limb.

Mal's hand strokes dark bristles of hair, just grown out enough to let his fingers comb through.

"It was different than I thought it would be. But it was still amazing. You are amazing."

Amiss is curling into a ball against him and Mal chuckles.

"Wanna try it with speaking next time?"

"Next time?"

"I mean, I hope there's a next time. If you want."

"Yes…"

"Do you want to finish?" Mal offers, his hand gliding over Ami's hip, directed towards his front but Ami shakes his head no with a little noise and Mal keeps petting his side instead.

They lie like that for a while. At some point, Mal has the mind to pull the covers over them and from then on Ami starts to gradually uncurl in the warmth.

He wonders what's up with the two sides of this coin. How a man who certainly has a fair share of sexual experience according to the way he acts, at the same time seems so frightened by his own needs. Mal hopes he gets the chance to find out one day.

Eventually he asks, "Are you going to flee if I get up?" There's concern seeping through Mal's voice that he had planned to conceal. "I'll go get something to clean you up."

The concept of aftercare seems utterly foreign to Ami if the look of confusion is any hint. Ami only agrees after Mal reassures him with a kiss that drags on longer than he had planned for. Ami keeps chasing after his lips for seconds and thirds and Mal just gives in every time like a lovesick airhead. But who could blame him? He needs to hear it.

"I'll stay."

[webbedphantom]

"Man... I wish I had a fan club-"

"Everyone I meet is either trying to kill me, or thinks I'm a menace to society."