#anyway i do often breakout around my mouth/chin

[quaranmine]

literally i am so sick of acne set me free from this hell already please why do i have to live in constant pain

[mimi-cee-hq]

Wildfires - Atsumu x f!reader

Summary: You're burned from last year's rumours, now fearing any hint of smoke. Yet you can't help, but fall for the childhood friend who's a balm to your wounds.

Genres, tropes, etc: angst with a satisfying and happy ending, angst to fluff, hurt/ comfort, exs to lovers (but not the usual kind), secret dating, drama and romance, but it's still somehow cute because that's just how I write lol

Warnings: false rumours about cheating and an illicit relationship, so it still technically mentions those things.

Words: 1.9k

Author's Notes: Hi Lia (@chimielie)! I'm your ☀️ anon. 🥰 You suggested exs to lovers and hurt/comfort for this prompt and it still technically is those things, but it's probably not what you expected.

If anyone is new to my blog and doesn't want to read angst, here's a cute fluff Atsumu x reader instead. :)

This fic is for the Heatwave Fic Exchange (@heatwave2021). Thank you for hosting this!

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

The air is dry and sweat forms on your brow. With the sun beating down, it's the perfect combination for a wildfire.

Atsumu's chin sits on his fist as he avoids your gaze. Lowering your eyes, you stare at the wooden table.

"Did he still care?" you ask yourself.

~*~*~

Plaid skirts sway as two students peek into their new classroom, attempting to be discreet. You hear their whispers from a distance, waiting in front of your own classroom.

"Look! We get Kinjou-sensei this year!" one exclaims.

"Are you serious?" the other asks after letting out a gasp. "I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I might end up staring at his face all day."

"Maybe it'll help you pay attention," her friend snickers.

You clench your jaw as heat rises in your body. They're able to indulge in frivolous remarks, ignorant of how you're left scarred from one fleeting gesture, a tiny piece of kindling that ignited into uncontrollable flames.

Cool hands cover your ears from behind you. Your jaw relaxes and the tension dissipates from your shoulders. You turn around to see Atsumu wearing a scowl on his lips. Sighing as you cross your arms, you ask, "Atsumu, what are you doing?"

"Well if only there was a way to make 'em shut up," he replies with a sharp tone.

You lean away from him and swat his hands back. "You're too close," you tell him.

"Alright!" he says, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'll go!"

As he walks away, he crosses his thumb and index finger behind his back, forming a little heart. You smirk at his hidden gesture to you.

"I love you too, Atsumu," you silently tell him as a smile graces your lips. However, it vanishes like the mist in the sun when yet another person calls after him, someone he doesn't know.

You skirt around the other students, avoiding their path, and rush to your desk. There are too many dry leaves around; a single spark can burst everything into flames.

Why does everyone have to know Atsumu?

~*~*~

"I wish you could've been my partner for the project," you say.

Atsumu pours a glass of water and places it on the table in front of you. "You ended up with that new girl, right?" he mentions and you reply with a nod. "She should be safe to work with."

You're startled once again when you hear the chimes from the front door. A rattan room divider obstructs your view of it, but you hunch down anyway as you finally pick up your spoon.

Atsumu sits across from you, sharing something about his team. His eyes dim when he realizes you haven't been listening.

"This isn't working," he tells you. "I thought this restaurant would be better because people can't see us from here." He runs his fingers in his hair, a sign he's frustrated.

"I– I forgot people can still hear us," you say in a low voice.

Atsumu sighs. "Let's just watch a movie at my house," he says. "Osamu already knows anyway."

"You know we can't," you protest. "Not when Hana and Haku drop by so often. They're going to realize we're together."

"But how are we supposed to have any fun when you're so scared?"

"I–" You lower your gaze, eyes unfocused towards your untouched bowl of rice. "Sorry, Atsumu."

"It's not your fault," he reminds you yet again. This exchange has become all too familiar. "Maybe we should finally tell Hana and Haku what happened to you."

"And have them find out the guy in the rumours is their beloved brother?" You cross your arms over your chest and rub your hand on your sleeve. "I still want to be comfortable around them, Atsumu. Ignorance is bliss right?"

His mouth twists before a groan escapes from it. He slouches in his seat and stares at the food in front of you, which remains the way the waitress left it.

"Let's take the train to Tokyo next time," he mutters. "Nobody'll know us there."

Your eyes grow before looking up at Atsumu. "What?" you slowly enunciate just above a whisper. "Don't you know how expensive that is?"

He presses his lips together before sharing his next suggestion. "I know where 'Samu's secret stash of money is…"

You narrow your eyes at him. "No, we're not stealing from him to go on a date, Atsumu."

"Alright," he says, lowering his eyes and dropping his shoulders.

Seeing his expression, you offer another idea. "How about Osaka?" It's only one city away.

Atsumu's eyes light up, excited at the chance of finally getting to enjoy some time with you. Although your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes, you hope leaving the vicinity of last year's wildfires would be enough, for Atsumu's sake and yours.

~*~*~

Your heart beats faster and your throat becomes dry. You weren't getting enough air.

"You're okay," you tell yourself. "She's not talking about you."

"Seriously! That happened at my old school," your project partner snickers as she recounts her story to you. "They even got the kiss on camera too! I felt so bad for her, but it's her own fault for cheating on him."

You begin to feel dizzy, catching a whiff of smoke from another victim's fire. Her words add fuel to a fire that cannot be stopped. Wildfires burn and burn, and are never satisfied until they run out of kindling.

"Oh! I've been meaning to ask. Are you dating Atsumu? The two of you seem really close!"

Your throat struggles to take control, attempting to keep your stomach down; it doesn't want to burn either.

They'll say you're cheating on Kinjou-sensei.

The tongue is a powerful weapon, causing destruction by those who are both untrained and ignorant as well as the truly malicious.

Your knees buckle as you pant for air, your grip weak on the knob. You need to get out.

Atsumu's figure is before you and you relax as he catches you. You never would have imagined that this guy would be your fleeting oasis.

~*~*~

"Let's break up," you tell Atsumu.

You both knew this was coming, yet a bucket of icy water chilled to the bone regardless of whether or not it was expected. Speaking those words aloud shocked you back into reality.

You hesitated dating each other in the first place, but you couldn't help but caress his strong hands when he admitted his feelings for you. Growing up together in your group of five, he was by your side from snotty noses to acne breakouts.

You didn't expect to fall for the hot-head of your bunch when rumours of you dating Kinjou-sensei spread. Atsumu attempted to extinguish every flame he spotted, witnessing your anguish each time you got burned.

"Maybe we can still do this," you say, contradicting your previous words.

"And what? Have ya pass out again every time someone asks about us?" Atsumu protests. He lowers his eyes as he clutches your hand. "Do ya know how worried I was about ya?"

Your heart flutters for a moment before you remind yourself that you can't keep him, the boy who has been by your side for so long.

"Aghhhhh! This is so stupid!!! Why are we suffering because of this made up crap?! 'Kinjou-sensei' had put a bandaid on me a thousand times more than he did t' ya! But nobody gives a crap about that!"

"I'm sorry Atsumu."

"Why the heck are ya sorry?!" he says, raising his voice.

"I– If I was just strong enough... If I could withstand their stupid words"–your lip trembles–"maybe I wouldn't have to choose between you and having some peace."

There's another silence between the two of you. Your fingers are loosely intertwined together, barely holding the fragile string between the two of you, as if it were a wick that would combust and disappear in a split second.

"Maybe we should just run away," Atsumu mumbles aloud.

"What?"

"Ya know, transfer schools. Or even drop out if we need ta."

"Atsumu! You can't! We can't! You have volleyball! And I... this is the only school that gave me a scholarship."

"Agh! Why is this so frustrating?!"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, ya idiot! Ya did nothing wrong!" He presses and rubs his forehead with the heel of his palm. "I just… I wish I could do more for ya." His arm drops at his side. "I wish I didn't feel so useless."

Your tears drip down your face. Could they be counted any more? If only you didn't fear getting caught dating Atsumu, terrified that last year's fires would morph into a raging beast. But another wildfire would not only destroy you but also the man you loved. If only your sores healed by now, you could have shown off your boyfriend, disregarding any of the flames.

If only you were fireproof.

But you weren't and now you're forced to loosen your grip on Atsumu, the balm to your wounds, and let him fall out of your hands.

~*~*~

"I hadn't realized you two were still together."

Not even the overworked fan's whirring can drown out the strained silence that follows.

"We're not."

It was three years since you talked to Atsumu, four since rumours first raged through the school. The two of you went through cycles of getting back together and breaking up again every time you learned that fear was still crippling you. Cutting off contact was the less painful option.

Years later, you're at a friend's cottage and Atsumu comes along without knowing you're here as well. Now that high school has come and gone, the smoke has dissipated and the fires have finished their course. You can finally breathe.

But does Atsumu still want you?

To anyone else, Atsumu is bored out of his mind, resting his chin on his fist. Nobody sees his thumb and finger forming a tiny heart.

Your heart flutters and you blink back tears. You attempt to hold back your growing grin, but you have no reason to hide it anymore.

You wrap your arms around him, almost causing him to topple off of his chair, Atsumu letting out a yelp. "What the heck are ya doing?"

You can finally release your feelings for him, openly and freely. The dam opens and waters rush to engulf him before you settle into his embrace.

"I love you too Atsumu," you tell him without a care in the world.

Osamu tells you he changed when you cut off contact. He desired to be a man, not wanting to feel so powerless, and poured himself into things he could do. It paid off.

"Did ya want to go somewhere together? I could even take ya all the way t' Rome if ya want."

The two of you hold each others' hands as the ocean's edge cools your feet. You lean against his shoulder, cherishing the moment that at one point seemed like an inaccessible dream.

You give him a peck on the cheek and smile. "Tokyo seems like a nice place for a date for now."

~*~*~

I hope you enjoyed this fic. :) (And I hope you liked it Lia!!) I guess I can be poetic if I try. lol. I had a whole commentary written out for this fic, but I decided against posting it here and making my author's notes as long as the fic itself. 😂

If you enjoyed this fic, I don't really have any similar pieces of writing at the moment. The only one that's similar is the hurt/comfort Kunimi WIP I've put off writing for so long because I didn't think I could pull off this type of fic. (And also because I think only one person will read it.) The theme in that one is pity/pride because pitiful is Kunimi's most hated word.

Anyway, if you want to see my usual style of writing, I have a cute tooth-rotting fluff Atsumu x reader one-shot. I currently also have an ongoing fake dating chaptered Suna fic, which is probably my best planned fic with the hints and foreshadowing and a nice mix of humour, fluff and shoujo-type angst. :)

I also have a Google form for my taglist if anyone is interested.

[hotpinkrathian]

Kyalin Week Day 6

Prompt Chosen- Modern AU

Now, I know people are tired of hearing about the pandemic, however when I saw Modern Au as an option on there I just had to write Kyalin during quarantine... it was too tempting.

"We have to quarantine at home for two weeks, its mandatory." Kya explained.

"I want even at the hospital, how could I have gotten it?"

"Because I was at the hospital, I could have it, and spread it to you." Lin crossed her arms, releasing a dramatic groan.

"Come on Lin, I know it's not ideal, and I'm sorry, but look on the bright side. We get two weeks off, just the two of us. We could, you know, try that thing you mentioned the other night."

"That was you who mentioned that."

"Well you didn't shoot it down, so its both our ideas now." Lin sighed, pursing her lips and Kya wrapped her in a hug.

"Alright, but as soon as my two weeks are up I'm going back to work."

"Of course." Kya kissed her on the cheek, watching as Lin disappeared into the bedroom. Her eyes panned the apartment, it looked like it could use a clean, so she got to work.

"What are we going to do for food?" Lin asked, staring into the empty fridge.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Kya, we have no food in here." Kya came up behind her, placing her chin in the nook of her neck, frowning at the sight of the fridge light that illuminated nothing but the shelves.

"We eat out too much. I can call Tenzin maybe he can bring us some supplies."

"No, Tenznin will bring us a very selective diet and If I'm going to be in here for two weeks then I need real food. You know Kya, these abs don't feed themselves." Kya raised an eyebrow, moments away from kissing Lin, when the earthbender pulled out her phone.

"Mako? Okay... okay... look, I'm out for two weeks. Try not to start a gang war while I'm gone. I need you to do something for me."

"Tell him to get KitKat!" Kya said, Lin raised a finger, telling Mako to get a pen and paper.

"You ready?" Lin asked him, and began to fill him in on their grocery desires.

"Pretzels too! I could use pretzels right about now..." Lin added pretzels to list of demands. Finally when they were satisfied with the list, they hung up the phone.

"He says he'll be around in an hour. He went to get Asami because he's never gotten groceries on this scale before."

"Smart."  Kya smiled up at Lin, who was checking her phone. "So..." Kya said, drumming her fingers on the counter, "what should we do for an hour?" Lin looked up, putting her phone face down on the counter.

"Well you're practically undressing me with your eyes."

"Am not!"

"Oh yeah?. What color bra do I have.on today?" Kya pursed her lips, thinking.

"White."

"Wrong, black."

"What? No.I remember this morning you-" she stopped as Lin pulled open her flannel, revealing the black bra she was indeed wearing.

"You tricked me." Lin smirked, walking around the counter and planting a kiss on Kya's lips.

"I have some paperwork to get done, call me when Mako gets here." Lin smirked as she walked off, and Kya glared at her, running her tongue over her teeth. Thinking about how there's no one else she'd rather be quarantined with.

Mako knocked, letting them know their things were outside their door, as per standard, they waited until the two kids had left before picking up their things, Lin put four bags on her arms, gesturing for Kya to take the remaining two. She put the stuff on the counter, and watched as Kya took the time to wipe everything with Lysol.

"Kya," Lin said seriously, "are you worried at all? About this whole thing?"

"Like being quarantined? No not all."

"No, not that, I mean more like the pandemic in general."

"Oh. I haven't really thought about it, but yeah, I guess I am. I'm worried about mom, I know she's safe as she could be in the south pole, but this isn't how I want her to go. Are you worried about Toph?"

"Are you kidding me? The woman couldn't die if she tried!" They laughed, and Lin put her hands behind her, gripping the edge of the counter. "In all serious, I'm more worried about the people, the news says the unemployment rate has sky rocketed in the last few days."

"Lin?" Kya asked, putting the wipes down. "We're good right? Financially?"

"Oh dear, of course. I've been working for thirty years, saved up as much as I could not to mention my share of the Beifong fortune... its not me I worry about."

"Mako?"

"Yeah."

"He'll be alright, we won't let anything happen to him. I bet Asami and Korra already have a plan for him that he's completely unaware of in case things go south." Lin smiled and Kya lifted her lips to Lin's scarred cheek.

"Come on," she said, "help me put this stuff away."

The two of them cooked together for supper, and Lin almost forgot what it was like to be home for supper, let alone to cook it.

"Okay I think I got it," Kya said, lifting the spoon to her mouth.

"Kya, that's the stirring spoon you can't lick it and put back."

"Oh yeah? Watch me." Kya drew her tongue over the spoon, maintaining eye contact with Lin and causing her to blush. Lin gulped, breaking the eye contact and Kya returned the spoon to the pot, stirring the sauce again. Lin went for the sink, grabbing Kya's butter as she went past.

"Lin!" She yelped, swatting her girlfriend playfully on the shoulder.

"I didn't do anything!"

"Yeah right!"

"I swear!" Kya narrowed her eyes, seeing through Lin's weak attempt to hide a smile.  Lin set the salad and the bread on the table, ordering the plates and glasses across form each other, lighting a candle in the center.

"Whats going on?" Kya asked, looking at Lin's arrangement.

"I figure, since we're here, I might as well make up for all the date nights I've had to reschedule, or cancel, and never got around to it." Kya looked at her thoughtfully, putting her pot on the table.

"You're telling me I've been on a date this whole time and didn't know?"

"Yep. Surprise," Kya stifled a laugh and sat across from Lin, staring at the other girl lovingly.

"Well, you should know I don't usually go home with someone on the first date."

"Well good thing its not the first date then." Kya raised her eyebrows, her eyes still locked with Lin as she brought a piece of food to her mouth. Lin caught Kya up on everything in her life, the abnormally quiet Pice Chief talked on and on, and Kya listened, absorbing every word of it.

"Kya?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you finished?"

"Oh, yeah,' she said, sitting up. Lin took her plate, and Kya admired her from behind.

"Lin," she said, "put the dishes down."

"What?"

"We'll do them tomorrow. Please, just kiss me already."

"What if you have Covid?" Kya chuckled.

"Then we'll both have it anyway." She pushed herself off her chair, meeting Lin halfway across the kitchen, their lips meeting in an epic dance. Kya jumped, wrapping her legs around Lin's waist and the metalbender's hands found places underneath Kya's thighs to hold her. Lin set her on the kitchen counter, pushing her abdomen in between Kya's legs.

"Been a while since we've done this," Lin admitted between breaths.

"We haven't had time."

"Well, now we have two weeks to make up for it." Kya smiled as Lin's lips clashed with hers again.

"I love you," Kya whispered.

"I love you too."

1 week of quarantine

"Wait so what happened in the last movie?" Kya asked, just to get a rise out of Lin.

"Kya, were you even paying attention? Qui Gon and Obi-wan, master and Padwan head to the desolate planet of Tattooine where they-"

"Lin, I'm kidding." Lin rolled her eyes and Kya cuddle in close, reaching her arm over into the popcorn bowl on Lin's lap.

"Don't do that again or I'll spoil it for you." Kya laughed, pressing a light kiss on Lin's cheek. When Kya had mentioned she'd never seen a Star Wars movie, Lin had organized a rather professional viewing of them all, in chronological order. Kya would much rather be doing something else, but she could see how excited Lin was to watch them with her, so she did. All the good (and bad) the movied had to offer.

"Whos that?"

"Anakin."

"The little boy?"

"Yeah, there's a time gap."

"Wow, he's so grown up."

"Just you wait," Lin said, placing a fistful of popcorn in her mouth. Befoee the movie could get any further, the phone rang, and Lin got up to answer it, letting the movie play for Kya.

"Hello? Pema is that you? Hmm? No we are just- really? Is everyone okay?" Kya sat up, looking over at her girlfriend with concern.

"Theres a breakout at the air temple," Lin whispered to Kya.

Oh no, poor Pema. I hope Rohan is okay.

"Is Tenzin there? Okay, well, try to stay calm, please Pema! Where's Jinora? Put her on the phone." Lin tapped the counter, waiting for the eldest of the Airbender kids to come to the phone.

"Jinora? Is everyone okay? Ikki has it? You need to keep her away from the others, don't let Rohan out of his room, and please, try to keep you're mother calm until your father gets home tomorrow. Yes... I love you too Jinora, good bye, as soon as we can leave we'll come down there." Lin put her phone on the counter with a sigh, and Kya ran up to her.

"We have to go, I can help them!" Kya pleaded.

"No, dear, we can't help them. If we go there we are just exposing ourselves to it, and I don't like to admit but we aren't exactly spring pig-chickens anymore Kya." Kya frowned, crossing her arms.

"Lin, they are our family."

"I know Kya, but we can help them by staying here, and staying healthy. Don't forget we can be incarcerated for leaving." Kya growled, scrunched her nose and Lin reached her hand out on the counter.

"One more week to go, we got this. Remember what you told me, try to enjoy it."

"Pretty sure I said we could try that technique from that movie where I use waterbending to-"

"Well I paraphrased it." Kya's lips formed a smile, and her heart melted at the soft look Lin was giving her.

"Come on," she said, "let's watch this movie." Lin nodded and the two of them returned to the sofa, Kya resting her head on Lin's lap, her hair being tousled by the police chief. Every so often she'd look up at Lin, who was absolutely enticed by the movie, even though she said it was 'the worst one.' She fell asleep before the end, and Lin let Kya stay there long into the night, moving her only once her own bladder couldn't take it any longer, placing her in their bed. Kya groaned softly, rolling over and pulling all the blankets for herself. Lin crawled in behind her, still holding her in her arms.

3 Days until the end of quarantine.

"Kya, I know you've lost all sense of time, but you need to put clothes on."

"Whats the point? No one comes, no one goes. No one sees me. No one knows..."

"If you start speaking in poetry again I'm locking you in the bathroom."

"Go ahead, at least there I hear the voices from the drain." Kya groaned, flopping onto the couch face first. Lin sighed.

"Do you.... need to talk?" Lin almost choked on the words, but it got Kya's attention and she sat upright.

"I've always been an extrovert Lin. Im a people person and now that the people in my life have been removed... I'm just a person." Lin pursed her lips, she hadn't thought about it like that before. She had always been reserved, truthfully quarantine had been easy for her, she did daily workouts, reading... other stuff with Kya. But Kya couldn't be on her phone for more than half an hour without needing a change of space.

"I don't know how to help you with that..." Lin started, "but I can... give you a hug?" Kya smiled sadly and walked up to Lin, forgetting her nudity and hugging her.

"Lets go on the porch for a bit," Kya said, "I need some air."

"You're going to have to put some clothes on then, I don't think the neighbors will appreciate your tits being out the same way I do." Kya laughed, looking down at her torso.

"Oh they would. But fine. I'll put on some clothes, but you better be the one taking them off later."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Kya grinned, satisfied with that, before she could dissappear into the bathroom however, Lin called to her.

"Oh, Kya!"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Maybe we can try that thing you mentioned last week." Kyas eyes went wide, and Lin smirked.

"This is why, I love you Lin Beifong."

"I love you too. Now go get dressed, we're going to miss the warmest part of the day." Kya sped off, and Lin watched her go, the same gentle smile pulling at the corners of her lips. I could be quarantined with her for the rest of my life, and I'd never get bored. When Kya returned, she skipped onto the porch, and Lin used her bending to extend the available area for the moment. Kya sat at the edge of the concrete, letting her feet hang over the edge, humming a gentle tune. Lin sat next to her, her lips pursed in indecision.

"Kya," she said, drawing the waterbenders crystal blue eyes to her. "When this is over, we should get married." Kyas eyes widened, and for a minute Lin thought she scared her, but then she was pulled into the most passionate kiss of the their relationship, nearly sending both of them to the ground below.

[carbrakes-and-stakes]

Built for better things | Nell & Alain

Where : Alain’s house (x) Summary : Nell asks Alain for help with the Ring, old scars emerge.

       Nell was well aware that she was most likely the last person Alain expected to see on his doorstep. But he’d blocked her online, so she couldn’t warn him that way. And even though she technically had his phone number, she didn’t particularly feel the need to let him know she was coming. Part of her took pleasure in hopefully catching him by surprise, and putting him a little off-kilter. After all, this wasn’t a position she’s ever enjoyed being in, aka asking for information from someone who she didn’t see eye to eye with in the least. However, Alain was the only person she knew that was no longer connected to the Ring, and would most likely have information she wanted. Now that she was free, she wanted the Ring to hurt, and to stop them from torturing innocent lives. She raised a hand to the door, her newly heavily scarred arms on display as she knocked. “Hey, Alain! Guess who!” she called out, already prepared to savor the look on his face when he opened the door. 

      It was a drowsy looking Alain that opened the door. It was not exactly the time for a nap, but having a lot of sleep to catch up on, he had fallen asleep on his couch while reading Audrey’s notes. He had hoped that somewhere, perhaps, she had written about maras. After all, she was a beast hunter, but he had so far ended up empty handed. Confused at first, this first emotion let room for anger as he slammed the door shut. No, this was not something he wanted to be doing today. This probably had to do with him and Remmy. Either she was here to yell at him, either she was here to mock him about this. It would have been insane to think that the zombie wouldn’t tell everyone they knew, that they saved the life of the very person who had tried to kill them. “I am not in the mood, Nell, go away,” his back against the door, he waited, hoping that this would suffice. Clearly, he did not want to fight, again.

        Apparently, Nell had got Alain in the middle of his beauty rest. “Sorry, did I interrupt your skincare routine?” she yelled through the door, not sounding apologetic in the least. Nevertheless, she stood her ground, crossing her recently healed arms over her chest, signaling that she had no intentions of leaving. “It can’t be a very good routine if you still look like that.” She did her best not to think of the time Alain had called her a piece of shit over text as she bit her tongue, knowing this was not the time for a fight if she wanted to pick his brain for information. No doubt he’d lord it over her that she’d come to him for assistance. “We can talk through the door if you want. That’s fine,” she said haughtily before speaking once more. “I just came here...about the Ring.” She let the word hang in the air, the only real thing that bonded her and the Hunter on the other side of the door. Had he heard about the breakout?

      “C’est pas possible d’être aussi chiante. Il est quoi ? 10 heures ?” Alain mumbled to himself. He had a look at the clock on the wall. 10.35am. Close enough. If he was going to talk to her, he would need a good amount of coffee. Scratching at his beard, he left the door and went to the kitchen, opening the window so she could hear him speak. “What about the fucking Ring ?” If he had checked his phone this morning, he probably would have had a clue of why she was here. The place was terrible, but he had been happy to find it when he needed a well paying job. It was a place that made him feel useful, then, but he did not miss it, now. Why? Multiple reasons. The major one was that it reminded him of what he had lost. Audrey had gone missing while she was recruiting for them. Often he had wondered if things would have gone so wrong if he had kept working there. They made quite the team, back then. “Are you aware that one of your friend works there? Is this what this is about?” He had poured himself a cup of coffee, and perhaps as a gesture of peace, placed a second cup on the window ledge, for her. Whatever this was about would be a nice distraction from the things he had on his mind lately.

       Yet again, Nell rolled her eyes at his dramatics of not even letting her in the house. Not that it really mattered. She’d yell at him through a window if that’s what he wanted. “Well-” she began, not entirely sure how to get this started. “First things first— recognize this?” With that she held her arm up to the window, scars and all along with the metal bracelet they’d put on her for the kidnapping. The thing was dead now, but they hadn’t yet figured how to get it off without killing the person it was on. That being said, she wasn’t sure if he’d recognize the magic-inhibiting bracelet. After all, the Ring didn’t keep that many spellcasters around in imprisonment, them often being more trouble than they were worth. As for her friend working there… “Yeah, Remmy mentioned you know they worked there. That was my fault. I introduced them to it. But we don’t work there anymore.” Nevertheless, she was somewhat surprised by the offer of the coffee, and began to sniff it suspiciously. 

        Sipping on his cup of coffee, he took a seat on the kitchen counter fronting the window and rubbed at his chin and jaw for a moment, avoiding her eyes. He did recognize those bracelets. They had slightly changed since he had left, but he could only guess that it was only to make them even more effective. “I do recognize this,” he finally conceded, looking at her this time. You could tell that he was worried from the slight frown on his forehead. What had she done to end up with that thing on her wrist? They had similar devices back then to force shifting in some, and block it in others. Obviously, they also were great to keep your talented fighters from getting away. Alain knew how hard it was to find proper talents, after all, it had been his job for almost a decade. “Why ? You worked there. You knew it was a terrible place.” If there was one thing he would haven’t done, it would have been to tell his friends to start working or fighting for the Ring. Getting out of here in one piece was not exactly an option. Now he doubted that Nell wanted to get lectured about this, but he hoped that she understood how awful that decision was. “You don’t work there anymore, but you still have this on your wrist,” he observed. Something did not add up. He watched her sniff at her cup of coffee, but kept his mouth shut. All things considered, he was not too paranoid for someone who had lived his whole life being an enemy to a whole community of things in town. “We need to get rid of that thing,” standing up, he headed to the front door and walked outside. However, a question remained. She did not come here to tell him that she and Remmy had left the Ring. They had not spoken in months (and the blame was shared), and so, there had something else that she came here for. “Is that why you’re here?” 

      “Yeah, well here’s the thing,” Nell began, “I didn’t know it was a terrible place. Or well- I knew it wasn't the best place but- I didn’t realize they took innocent creatures and people and forced them to fight. Or that they imprison witches who dare tell them to fuck off after putting a collar of her zombie friend.” She thought it was fairly obvious that the last portion of that sentence was referring to herself. “I thought the people bringing the creatures in had the same...rules that I did. I was obviously wrong, though.” Nell was tempted to ask if Alain knew how terrible it had been, but decided not to for the sake of momentary peace, and the information she was looking to get out of him. “Yeah, Luce is working on a way to get it off without killing us,” Nell began nonchalantly, as if they were talking about the weather. “Since, you know- usually only the one who puts them on can take them off and everything unless they like...transfer ownership.” As he walked outside, she turned to him, satisfied that she’d apparently caught his interest. “I’m here because...I want to make the Ring regret ever touching me or Remmy or anyone else who didn’t deserve it in the first place. And I think you might be able to help.”

    “Nell, what do you think they needed hunters for ? Audrey and I had one job to find and at least to a certain extent, tame creatures. The feral ones, they clearly don’t ask to be here,” he sighed. There was no way she did not realize that this place was bad. “You once told me that you only brought the “worse” in, but that is not your call to make. Vampires are the worst to me, doesn’t mean it’s true for everyone,” he deadpanned and shook his head. This was not the kind of debate he wanted to start here, but he hoped that she would realize that none of what she had done there  was better than whatever he did then, especially now that she came asking for his help, and he was nice enough not to rub it in her face. It was an understatement to say that their last argument had left him with a sour taste in his mouth, after all. “Luce, right.” He shook his head, as if to say don’t know her. But that did not really matter. “I mean, there’s nothing a few tools can’t do,” although he felt like approaching her with anything he had in his garage would not feel very reassuring. “Alright, I’ll leave it to Luce, then,” he declared as he sat down at the table under the shade of an umbrella pine tree. Looking up, his eyes narrowed on a nest in the branches. This was new, and he wondered who was in there. “That’s funny,” he spoke to himself, sipping again on his coffee as he listened to Nell. Ah, revenge. “You worked there, you know how big their influence is,” leaning back in his chair, he sighed. “There’s only a handful of people who chose to work here. You and I, for instance. We are the exception,” clearly, the other 95% were either stuck in cages, or tied with debts. “Anyway, you know I hate this place,” she didn’t per say know why, but he did hate it, “how do you want me to help?”

    “I didn’t come here to get told how blind I was, Alain,” Nell quipped back neatly, not exactly looking for a fight, but certainly not condoning the shame he was bringing up in her for her lack of knowledge. “And I did only bring in the worst. I was just wrong in assuming others did the same. I’m also not here to talk about our differences in opinion when it comes to what’s worse and what’s not.” No doubt that would only lead to another yelling match. She and Alain didn’t need to be friends, or even on the same page, they just needed to have a shared goal in the form of the Ring. Nell often forgot the whole town didn’t know of the Vural sisters and their link, so she quickly clarified, “My sister. Luce is my other sister. Not Bea, obviously.” As for the tools, “Maybe in your time, old man. But tinkering with it is what’s most likely to get me killed now so- I‘d rather not fuck with it until we know more about how exactly it works. I’ve seen the results of what happens when you fuck it up.” There’d been enough creatures in the cages desperate enough to try and gnaw it off, and they’d quickly perished. “Yes, it’s workers are limited which is why I’m here. As for helping...I want to find records. Something that will help me better weed out all the people that need to be taken care of, and made sure they don’t keep doing what they’re doing. Do you know where there’s a record room or something?” As for not liking them, her curiosity got the better of her when it came to that. “Why did you quit, anyway?”

      “Well that’s a shame, because that’s what you get,” if she expected a red carpet, a bouquet of flowers and a hug, she could fuck right back to party city, or wherever the fuck she came from. Certainly it was not hell, or else she wouldn’t keep on defending monsters. Only people who had seen hell could know how hunters felt. “I’m sorry, you are obviously a model of virtue and kindness. How kind of you. Let’s get you a ribbon that reads goodest goody two shoes,” she couldn’t believe that she was better than the rest because she brought the worst, could she? Of course, she could. Hypocrites. Alain breathed out sharply and shook his head. Besides, who was she to decide who was bad or not? Certainly not someone who was going to defend a monster because it happened to be her friend. He finished his cup of coffee and crossed his arms over his chest, not quite convinced by her offer yet. “And you think your sister will know how to get you rid of that thing?” Okay. If she was so confident in that, who was he to question it. “Speaking of, Blanche, she went there, didn’t she?” If he had tried his best to stay calm when Blanche told him this, and that she had broken a bone too, it did not mean that he was less concerned about her. In fact, he was concerned for Nell too, even if he sucked at showing it. “You two are gonna end up getting yourself killed if you keep going like that,” he rubbed at his face and sighed. Somehow, he doubted that they would stop getting into trouble once this would all be solved, just like he did not, no matter how close he got to dying sometimes. He reassured himself with his accelerated healing, telling himself that at least, it was no big deal to him. Besides, he was already pretty old, all things considered. These kids, they had their whole life ahead of them.     “I doubt they moved rooms around since I left,” he finally replied, a slight frown still on his face, “although I haven’t been seen there in over a decade,” still, he had left the Ring in good terms with the owner, and he doubted coming back would be an issue. “Alright.” He rubbed his beard and sighed. “And what exactly do I gain from this?” They had fucked up, messing with The Ring like that, and clearly, that was not his problem.  He had his own things to be dealing with, and he doubted that they would return the favor. “Why I quit is none of your business,” Alain barely spoke of Audrey, and Nell was not the first person he wanted to discuss her with. He looked as if he had completely shut down, for a moment, lost in his thoughts, and clearly lost in his sorrow. “I wanted to build something better,” was all he added before he stood up. You could easily guess whether it was to enjoy the breeze, or to hide the look on his face.

     “Jesus fucking Christ,” Nell reflexively cursed, her temper quickly rising. She’d truly come here with the best of intentions, intending to have a moment of neutrality rather than whatever Alain was trying to dig up. Not one to generally have the best hold on her anger, her fist clenched tight, trying to force the bubbling emotions into that tiny corner of her body. Think of all the people you can help with Alain’s help, she reminded herself. Focus on that so you can get through this bullshit. Try not to engage. “I’ve literally never acted like I’m some model of virtue or whatever else you think I think I am. And we’ve talked about this before over text. When you kindly reminded me that I’m a piece of shit and I fucking agreed. I know that I fuck up and make mistakes.” Her fist began to shake, remembering what she’d seen in the mirrors at the carnival as she held it even tighter. “I don’t know what the fuck you always think you’re going to get from trying to make me, a girl that’s literally half your age, feel like shit by constantly berating her. But I don’t give a shit!” she finished the sentence with a high pitch to her tone, momentarily losing the togetherness she was trying to hold onto. Another long breath and she was back. “I don’t give a shit if you like me or not. Either you’ll help me or not. And if you won’t, then I have nothing more to say to you.” She ignored the comment about Luce and the bracelet, done with talking about things that weren’t what she’d come here for. If Alain was going to be as difficult as possible, Nell would keep this to the barest of bones, no outside talk. She wasn’t even sure where the mention of Blanche had come from, as she hadn’t mentioned her friend, but if Alain wanted information about the medium, he wouldn’t get it from Nell. “Ask her if you’re wondering. That’s also not what I’m here for.”     As for getting themselves killed. “Probably. Don’t know where you get the audacity to act as if you care though when literally all you’ve ever done is try to knock me off whatever pedestal you think I’ve put myself on. When I’ve never done anything of the sort.” Nell barely resisted rolling her eyes as he seemed to demand something in return. “I don’t know, Alain. The warm fuzzy feeling of doing something good? And not letting innocent lives get taken?” But if he wanted to build something better, perhaps that was her in. “Then help to build something better, by helping me. It’s not for me.” She wasn’t sure what to make of the way his tone had suddenly shifted into something more somber, but Nell clinged to this small, potential in. “If you want to change it, then change it.”

    “When you started saying that some things deserved to die, and some don’t.” To have the nerve to claim that you could judge and condemn others like she did, that’s what he called putting yourself on a pedestal, and adopting an holier-than-thou attitude. Now if you had to ask why he was so annoyed by it? Well good question. Hard to say that he and Nell ever really got along. They had been clashing since the day they met. So why ? Well, it was quite simple. Childish, in every sense of the term. She reminded him of a much younger Alain, one that did not care for the consequences, for what people thought, or for the feelings he would hurt. It had taken someone knocking him down from that tricky position to get a first idea of what life could be without all this violence. That someone had been Audrey. The hunter, lost in his thoughts, didn’t react to anything else she said, until she reached that high pitch, and brought a frown to his face. Ouch. Alain, looking down at her, remained quiet for a few more seconds, as he tried to process what she just said to him. She was being honest, that much he was sure of, and that might have been what worried him.        It makes you feel like shit because that’s exactly how I want you to feel about hunting,” pinching at the bridge of his nose, he sighed. Being a hunter, was a huge part of his life, and he could not understand, at all, why she would willingly pick this for herself, when it was the one thing about him that he often wished he could get rid of, his ability to hunt, but also, the fact that at the end of the day, he was not just a normal person, living a normal life. Having spent most of his days putting himself in danger, he had reached this moment in his life when he was tired, completely, entirely exhausted of being here to help others, save others, protect others. Quite ironically so, he had never done this for others. First, it was to impress his father, then it was because he had a sense of duty like not many did. But now, he was tired, and entangled in his responsibilities as a hunter. Alain breathed in, and out, deeply, again. “You, are me, 20 years ago,” he finally explained, “making the same choices, the same mistakes too,” oh he had hurt himself badly, so many times, and just like her, he always got up, ready to show the other cheek. “And I did not give a shit either, but unlike you, I had no one who gave a shit about whether I lived or died. No, one.” His sisters, he had pushed them away. His parents, he had pushed them away, in their graves. And his first year at the Ring, he had spent it pushing everyone away. It was a miracle, that he survived being so lonely, and that might be what would save her, the fact that she had people looking out for her.       “See, you won’t even accept that perhaps, I do care a bit for your well being,” if he smiled, his smile looked nothing but cheerful. Melancolia, sadness, and worry. “I do something good every time a spawn turns to dust,” this much he knew for sure. There was nothing but benevolence in getting humans rid of those, “I don’t need guidance through the dark night,” his arms crossed over his chest, he found himself once again thinking of Audrey, who unlike him, had gotten lost into that dark night. “I have to build something better, for me,” his voice faltered, almost to the point of breaking, on those last two words. He kept his back turned toward her. “Now you made it sound so fucking easy, but look at me, I’m old, broken and fucking sour.” A pause. “I’m sorry Nell, I should have been a better person, to you.”

      “Alain, that’s literally the exact same thing that you do,” Nell managed to say through gritted teeth. He chose every day whether something would die or not, whether it be a vampire, zombie, or otherwise. But his words about feeling like hunting and making her feel like shit didn’t quite satisfy her, and she was quick to tell him as much. “No, it and hunting don't make me feel like shit. You do. You, Alain Babineaux, go out of your way to bully me and then you have the fucking audacity to call it a god damned lesson of all things.” Her rage was building, the air beginning to crackle in the slightest with the feel of pooling magic, though she was trying her best not to let it build too far. How many times had her mother tried to teach a lesson through the same means? How many times had Nisa rained shame, and disdain on her and then turned around and told her it was for her own good? That it was to help her be better. And how many times had she believed that, before realizing that even if her mother was trying to make her better— that didn’t make it okay that Nell felt small and self-destructive at the end of those lessons. “Learn better fucking ways to teach whatever the hell you’re trying to teach or leave me the fuck alone. Because I’m not going to stand here and let you say you’re hurting me for the sake of making me better.” She’d had enough of that in her lifetime, and she wouldn’t let it happen anymore. “And take responsibility for yourself.”       Nell balked at the claim that they were alike shaking her head as she calmed in the slightest, the magic resting back beneath her skin. “You don’t know me. You don’t know the first thing about me. If you did, you’d know better than to try and teach me a lesson that way. “You don’t know anything about my mistakes, and you don’t deserve to know. I give a shit. Just not about you.” Perhaps the words sounded harsh, but at this point— they were the truth. And if Alain didn’t like, she’d resigned herself to finding some other way to get the Ring’s secrets. She didn’t know what he wanted her to say as he mentioned no one caring for him, not particularly in the mindset to offer comfort to the man who continued to anger her again and again. Her voice was hard as she spoke again, cold instead of hot as she turned to stone. Again here he was attempting to say that he cared for her, when all he’d done was try and tear her down. No more. Not after what she’d gone through with her mother. “I don’t accept you caring because I value myself enough to know that I can do better than someone who preys on all the parts of me that I like the least, and then calls it helping. I don’t want it, if that’s what you call ‘caring’. I know better now.” She knew better because she’d gotten friends along the way, friends like Winston and Jared and Blanche.      As Alain’s voice broke with emotion, Nell waited, trying to see if he would come to a conclusion on whether or not to help. Instead, she was surprised when an apology came, and it showed briefly on her features. That was new. “You should have,” she simply said in response, not willing to give forgiveness at a time like this. “But I’m tired of talking about the two of us. The Ring isn’t about us. So let’s do it, then. Let’s build something better.”

       Wow, the audacity of that girl. Yes, girl. She wanted to be treated like a grown up but it was tantrum after tantrum, after tantrum. She spoke with the maturity of a teenager, relying on insults and basic rhetoric to get her point through. Alain was not impressed, although he did not expect to be. She spoke like she knew the first thing about being bullied, but he doubted that she ever had to spend a good part of her life thinking the cause to all her problems was herself. Alain had been told, from the moment he was old enough to understand it, that he was a mistake, that he shouldn’t exist, and that the only reason he was here, was to rid the Earth of the monsters that were the undead. An insult to nature and God’s work. He had lost faith in God a while back, but he still remained convinced that the undead could not be. You lived your life, and then you died. The end.        An eternal life was a life without meaning and it was death that gave meaning to his life, or Nell’s. Both of them wanted to experience things before it happened, and both of them wanted to help others, before it happened. “You think this is a fucking lesson? You keep repeating that I wanna teach you something, again, and again. Do I look like a goddamn teacher to you ?! DO I ?! You call me a fucking bully, which by the way, is fucking proof that you don’t fucking know me. You wanna know why I ended up working at the Ring? It was because Clare, the woman who ran this place, she told me that those skills I have, were special, that I could use them to help her. I was so fucking crushed as a person, when I arrived at the Ring, that this felt immediately like home to me. The Ring, it felt like HOME.” He shouted that last word, the pain and anger in his voice vibrating. What kind of fucked up person could for one second think that a place of death and torture was the ideal place to restart over. “You, you chose to be there, to work there, for the fucking thrill of it. Me, I just fit right in, because I was reduced to thinking that this was where I belong. You could have done anything else, you picked this. And now, you realize that it’s a bad place? Are you fucking kidding me?” He shook his head, the anger on his face leaving some room for disgust. He wasn’t even disappointed, no, he was past that. “I don’t believe that. You liked it, but now, it’s hard to justify it, is it?” He shook his head again, raising his shoulders and lifting his palms up, as if to say: consequences, sucks, doesn’t it?         Alain didn’t even reply to that bit about her caring for people, just not him. Nah, she only cared for herself, and her friends, like many people. He did not blame her, it was hard to care for people you never met. Sure, you’d feel sad for a few, but life goes on. Hunters, they were raised having to care for the entire mankind. He doubted that she cared as much for zombies as she cared for Remmy, for instance. “I’m glad to see where you stand. We were raised differently, and we have different views, but I’m telling you to take some time to think about what you really want for your future,” turning around, he picked up the empty cups of coffee and retreated inside his home, putting down the cups in the sink then heading to the kitchen’s window. “Coming from me, I don’t assume you’ll listen,” he added, calmer, just like she was after his apology. “As for talking about yourself, I see that you don’t like that. I don’t blame you, I usually avoid the subject,” he scoffed, rubbing at this face with one hand. “I’m not sure I’m glad I told you all these things about me,” leaning his forearms against the window sill, he looked her in the eyes. “Doesn’t matter now.” He smiled, with melancholy in his eyes. Maybe he was scared of going back to that place. Oh no. He was. God knew what he would find there. The idea felt like ice running through his veins. “Like I said, the Ring is a place where I used to belong. It feels a bit personal to me.” Maybe it did not to her, but to him, it was special. “So, yeah, I will help you. And I’m pretty sure we’ll find things we don’t like, but if this means building something better, together, why not.” His arms crossed on the sill, he pursed his lips. “Maybe working together will bring us both growth, we’ll see.”

       Alain couldn’t possibly know that Nell’s entire existence as of late was herself viewing herself as a problem, mistake after mistake being made, so she couldn’t expect him to right the wrong of him assuming she’d never known what it had felt like in any form. Of course, their lives had gone about it differently, but it was still wrong to think that she hadn’t experienced any form of seeing herself as the root of the problem, not when the Hall of Mirrors had shown that it was all she was thinking about these days. Either way, at least she hadn’t raised her voice in the way Alain had. Somehow it seemed she was dealing with this in a more mature way that he was, despite what he might think. Her tone was even calmer this time as she spoke as she shut down, building a protective emotional wall between herself and Alain. “If teaching a lesson isn’t what you meant, then I don’t know what it is you think you’re doing. But whatever it is, I don’t want it. I call you a bully, because that’s how I perceive you. Because all you’d done is bully me by dragging me down. So if that’s not a bully, I’d be happy to hear what it is.” Whatever he tried to call it, it didn’t matter. What else was she meant to call someone who constantly tried to make her feel like shit? “You don’t know why I chose to work there,” she deflected instantly. Because it was true. He didn’t know the first thing about her, and he’d made that much obvious in the past fifteen minutes or however long they’d been standing there. Certainly the thrill of the Ring had been alluring, but it had been the crowd that had made her stay, and the fact that she was good at what she did. It had been nice to have an aspect of her life where she succeeded and was praised rather than ignored or hit with backhanded compliments. “Think about me what you want. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re wrong.” If she’d known exactly how terrible the Ring was, she certainly wouldn’t have given them her in time in the first place. Anyone that knew even the surface concept of who she was would know that as well. “I never tried to justify it, and I never will. I know I made a mistake, and now I’m trying to fix it.” How could he not see that? Why else would she be here on the porch of a man she didn’t want anything to do with?     As far as Nell was concerned, Alain had no right to tell her jackshit about her future. He hadn’t earned anything when it came to the witch standing before him. So she brushed past the comment, ignoring it, deciding this would be the way they had to interact if there was any promise of them working together. Her mind was static as he continued to speak, far too tired of trying to figure out whatever hoops he wanted her to jump through, though she didn’t have any desire to jump through them in the first place. “I know what it is to belong there,” was all she said, rather blank as her body continued to go into shut down mode, because of the way he’d so thoroughly attacked her emotions, now just protecting them at all costs. But at least he’d finally agreed to help. “Perfect. That’s all I came here for.” And now that she had his word that he would assist she could leave, and find some way to work herself out of the emotionally numb stupor he’d put her in. “I’ll be in contact.” And with that she turned on her heel, going back the way she came, and leaving the coffee on the window sill.

[letgraysonsheart]

The Cats Cradle

Selina just wanted to steal a pretty diamond, instead she finds a dying bird.

A/N: This fic has an alternate ending posted separately (spoiler alert! it’s the more happy one),you can read it on tumblr hereI also have to say a massive thank you to @liathgray who listened to all my rambling about the fic and helped me with editing, grammar and the title! also thanks to @schweeeppess for advice on how to post this mess.  

She is careful as she makes her way through the empty street. There has been yet another Arkham Breakout. Most people have already vacated the grim and dirty main road of Gotham. Smart people. Selina didn’t catch all about what had happened. The blonde news-lady with the pretty lipstick had said something about the Riddler with a dash of Scarecrow. Fun.

For her, it had been the perfect timing.

The Gotham Historical Museum had managed to get their hands on a very special, and very big, diamond. She has had her eyes on it since they first announced on TV that they would be showcasing it in the main hall. The owner had been bragging about it on Gotham Today of all things. How someone had willingly loaned it to a museum in Gotham, she could not comprehend. Rich people and their carelessness, she could only shake her head over it. Then use it for her own gain, of course.

The guards of the museum might be on high alert because of the breakout, but she isn’t worried about them. Their training is.. not that great. They’re only middle-class men only trying to make a living, and she is a master of her craft. It seems the museum never learns to hire better guards even after all the break-ins. Maybe that is the very reason they can’t afford too.

It’s an especially gloomy night in Gotham. The fog laid over the city is like a thick blanket, and there’s no clear sky in sight.

It is almost a dream come true, a perfect heist. Her only worry is Batman, who has a knack of turning up out of nowhere when she least wants him too. The fog is a favorite weather of his to practice his over-dramatic entrances. She has put all her trust in the breakout to slow him down enough so that he will arrive only for her to have already snagged her prize.

Through the fog, she can just barely see the majestic wooden doors of the museum. It is quite a wonder that the museum keeps rebuilding. Especially in that same expensive and historical style. She has lost count of every time it has gotten ruined in some attack or intrusion. There’s been quite a few. Another reason they can not afford better guards, even after gracious donations from Wayne Enterprises.

It seems like the battle has already been in this particular street. There is a crashed and abandoned car, and parts of the pavement are broken or missing. There is, thankfully, no pools of blood, it would be a shame for her boots to get dirty. She isn’t wearing those that work well with anything wet, like water, or blood.

There is nothing to be heard either, besides distant rumbling. It is in no doubt some rogue ruining some building, and Batman trying to stop them, which means she is alone for now.

She wonders what Bruce will say once he sees the news of the stolen diamond. Hopefully, it will be after he has put the escaped villain back into their cell. When everything has quieted down. Her little jewel theft will not be covered in the news as much as the Arkham Breakout, yet she has no doubt the bat will get ahold of it anyway. He has a way of knowing about all crime that happens in Gotham. She is still trying to figure out exactly how he does it.

Bruce will know it was her, but he won’t come after her. They have an understanding of some sort. She has, after all, been in his kitchen sipping tea with Alfred Pennyworth. Whatever it is they have, must have been going on for years by now. Since Batman had his first Robin, running around in small green shorts and pixie boots. He would not break their weird relationship now unless she did something unforgivable. Something which she is not planning to do, she would rather avoid the wrath of the bat.

There is not a person in sight, but Gotham is covered in fog tonight, so that doesn’t mean there isn’t anyone hiding somewhere. Her goggles do help a little though as she slips them on and secures the strap. The tech in them makes things a tiny bit clearer.

She goes to cross the street and head towards the back of the museum. It is so pathetic-level guarded that she’s considered sending the poor museum some notes for consideration on how easy it is to break into.

A horrible sound interrupted her trek, freezing her in place. A pained gasp, a sound she wishes she didn’t recognize. A sound she wishes she hadn’t heard so many times before, enough times to know what it is. It sounds like a dying animal. It’s a dying human.

Her eyes linger on the vent she was planning to use as an entrance into the museum. She thinks about all the money the diamond will give her. Funds that will go to help that family she has hoped to help out for a while now.

Another pained sound, more like a sob, comes from the alleyway on her right. She walks up to it and tries to peer in, but she can’t see anything through the dark and the fog. Even if she squints, the only thing she can make out is some lumpy form on the ground a couple of meters away. It might be a body, but she isn’t sure.

She sighs and gives the museum one last longing look as she starts walking into the alleyway. Maybe it will be some criminal that she can make a fast process with. Perhaps a civilian she can call an ambulance for and then disappear again. That is if the hospital even has any ambulances that aren’t already in use considering there is a breakout.

After all her time on the street, she’s sure to have her back against the stonewall of the apartment building at all times. She doesn’t feel like being bothered by some low-life ambushing her from behind right now.

Her foot hits something, and she steps over a bag of trash. The lump she had seen before. It’s rather concerning that her mind had initially jumped to the conclusion of it being a body instead of abandoned garbage.

Whatever had made the sound is further into the alleyway. She knows because the person is obviously trying to be quiet, and failing. They must have heard or seen her coming, could have been when she had rustled the trash by accident. Their breathing has picked up and they’re shuffling around.

What first falls upon her eyes as she walks into the dead-end of the alley is the unconscious body of some goon. The man is still breathing, but bleeding from a head wound and not giving any sign of waking up any time soon. It looks like the wound is superficial, so whoever hurt him had no intent to kill. They had only wanted to incapacitate him. Yet she does not envy the killer headache he in no doubt will be sporting once he wakes up. For good measure, she slips out a pair of spare handcuffs from her bag and secures them on him.

She lets her eyes travel to the corner, where the apartment-building meets the brick wall ending the alley. There is someone there, sitting, no, leaning, against the wall. A black arm with blue finger-stripes laid protective over their stomach.

It’s one of the bat-brats. None other than Nightwing, the first one of Batman’s proteges.

He is making some awful gurgling sound. When she moves closer she can see that there is blood dripping from his mouth and chin down onto his chest. It’s slicked onto the arm he is holding over his abdomen too. He’s practically sitting in a puddle of it.

She could leave him, considers it for a second - he isn’t her responsibility. The bat himself, or any of his annoying sidekicks, are most likely already on their way. She could leave, and finish her job in time to pop by some fast food shack for a late dinner.

As she steps closer, just to look, she tells herself, she steps on something. It crunches under her foot. She curses herself and her own lack of awareness. She is supposed to know better. The sight of the usually smiling Nightwing so beaten and broken has rattled her more than it should.

When she crouches down, she sees that what she’s stepped on is some kind of electronic device. With closer inspection, she can see it’s a com-unit. She has seen Bruce use it to call off his kids often enough, those times when they have met on rooftops without really planning too. She has even seen him throw his own off in a haste the few times they have made it to his bed. This one, in contrast to Batman’s black one, carries a blue earpiece. It was probably already broken before she stepped on it. There is certainly no saving it now.

Crap. There goes her diamond heist. She can’t leave the kid here not knowing if he has called for back-up or not. If there is one thing she can not be responsible for, it’s Nightwing dying. That is one of those things the bat would never forgive.

A painful sounding cough brings her attention from the com-unit back to the former Boy Wonder. He is trying to cover his mouth with the hand not cradled over his stomach, but blood is still bubbling through his fingers. Internal bleeding. He’s in the eleventh hour. She has no idea how long he’s been there, judging by the amount of blood he’s lost - too long.

He is slumping over, about to fall down onto the unforgiving ground. Without thinking, acting on instinct, she is moving, running. She catches his shoulder before it hits the pavement, and lowers him down.

At first, he’s resisting, he may be fearing that she is someone who’s come to hurt him. A bat in peril, no matter which one, is something many criminals dreams of stumbling upon. His attempts to escape from her grip is shaky and feeble. He wouldn’t have stood a chance against the weakest of low-life criminals.

“It’s just me,” she hears herself saying as she pushes her goggles off to rest on the top of her head. She hopes the younger man will calm down once he can see her face.

Half of Nightwings domino mask is missing, and a blue eye blinks open to look at her. He furrows his brows in confusion.

“Selina?” he stutters, and she uses her sleeve to dry some blood off of his chin. Her boots are already a lost cause. They got seeped with blood the moment she stepped in to save the boy - which he still is, just a boy - from crumpling to the ground.

“D-did Bruce-” his words are interrupted by yet another harsh cough. He spits more blood, it lands both on himself and the pavement.

“Did Bruce send you?” he asks again, once his breath has calmed down enough from the coughing fit. There’s a glimmer of hope in his eyes. She knows it is a hope that Batman knows what has happened. A hope that his dad is coming. Perhaps a newfound hope that he will survive this.

She smiles sadly at him and shakes her head. If Dick is as bad off as he looks, the skin not covered by blood stark white, and Bruce knew, he would have already been there.

“I was in the neighborhood, tending to other business,” she settles on replying. If the situation was any different, if Richard wasn’t half-conscious and bleeding out, he would be prodding her about said “business.” The boy has always been too curious for his own good.

When he was younger and still Robin, he had been a teen filled with crude remarks. He would always question her. She had thought his look on the criminal world naïve, he saw it like everything was black and white. Why the bat never had corrected it, she hadn’t understood.

Back then, Dick had not understood the relationship between his mentor and herself. Most likely because she was a known criminal. It could be he still didn’t understand now, but how he looked at her had still changed. There was no venom in his eyes anymore whenever they would stumble upon each other. That’s including that time they’ve never spoken about when Selina had come stumbling out of Bruce’s room at around 4 am. At the same time, a drunk and underage Dick had stumbled up the stairs to his room. They had looked at each other, nodded, and then gone their separate ways.

Besides, that was before the Bat had all the other little bratlings. Before Dick had stepped up as his own hero and as a big brother to the newer bats. It was before a lot of pain had come to the bats’ makeshift family. Before Richard’s eyes had been forced open to reality despite Bruce’s attempts to shield him from it.

Now, Dick’s eyes are slipping shut. His blinking is slowing as if it takes too much energy to keep his eyes open.

“No falling asleep,” she says as she shakes him by the shoulder. She feels bad when he winces, but his one visible eye opens once again, looking a bit clearer than before. She knows she needs to keep him talking, at least until the bat shows up. If he does.

She doesn’t wanna think about what will happen if Batman shows up too late and finds her leaning over his dead son. She can’t think about him not showing up at all. She doesn’t want to live in a world where Nightwing is dead, again, either. Both for the world’s sake and for Bruce’s.

“Can you list your injuries?” she asks instead of voicing her fears and to grab Dick’s attention again.

“Hmmm..” Dick starts, and it looks like he is struggling to find words.

“Concussion,” he says, after half a minute, and Selina can’t help but snort. It earns her a small bloody grin from the teen, and she counts it as a win.

“I messed up my leg, it hurt like a bitch at first, the pain has dulled now though,” he continues. It’s the longest sentence he has said since she found him. She looks at his legs and oh - yeah. She had missed it in the worry of oh god he is coughing up blood but his right leg does not look good at all. It’s wrangled in a way she didn’t think a foot could ever be. It will be a long time before Nightwing is up and walking again, if ever. She doesn’t tell him that.

“Anything more?” she asks switching topic, knowing he has missed something quite vital.

“There is also a bit of a stab-wound in my abdomen. Maybe some internal bleeding,” he says, pretending it’s no biggie. The waver in his voice tells Selina otherwise. The boy is worried too. “That doesn’t hurt too much either anymore” he continues. Now he doesn’t even bother to hide the shakiness in his words.

“I guess that’s not a good thing,” he looks up at her as he says it and she is surprised by how coherent he looks. Their eyes meet. God, there are visible tears in the eye not covered by the domino. Selina is not prepared to deal with that.

She opts not to say anything, again, she doesn’t know which words to use. So instead she tries to pry his arm away from the stab-wound. She needs to take a look at it, and then apply more pressure. Dick’s arm is weak, and there is barely any resistance as she lifts it up off the wound.

It ‘s.. not pretty. Far from. It looks deep, no surprise considering how the kid has been coughing up blood. Luckily there doesn’t seem to be anything left of whatever inflicted the wounds still in there. It hasn’t stopped bleeding, though it’s not going as heavy as it looks to have been earlier. She has no idea if that is good or bad. Good right? The blood is staying inside? Or does it mean there is too little blood left? The uniform around the wound is torn. Unnatural pale skin is shining up at her from where the blood has yet to get to. Usually, Dick is one of the tannest in his family with his darker skin and all.

She drags her leather jacket off her shoulder and puts it over the stab-wound. She’s going to miss it, it was a personal favorite. She’ll make the boy wonder buy her a new one if he survives this. When. When he survives this. Dick gasps at the sudden pressure, both arms clawing at her to stop her, but they are still too weak. Selina thinks to herself that it’s good the boy still feels the pain because then there is still hope.

“Can you manage to hold it there, while I take a look at your leg?” she asks and doesn’t wait for an answer before putting both of Richard’s hands over the jacket again.

“Apply pressure,” she commands when his hands just fall limp over it. She sees the muscle tighten in Dick’s arms, and she figures that is as good as she is going to get.

She takes one look at the leg and knows she can’t do anything with it. It’s twisted in an off-putting way. If she were to rip off the tight costume covering Dick’s leg, which by some miracle is still intact, she knows she would be looking at bone. The suit is probably the only thing keeping the bleeding in. It should be set straight and held secure, but she can’t do any of that here. Not alone. Especially not when Dick is barely awake and coherent as it is. The risk of sending him into shock, or him bleeding out even faster, is too big.

The risk of Dick getting any lasting nerve damage is one she is willing to take, as long as he survives. She hopes the boy will agree, as daring flips off of rooftops and acrobatic moves fills her thoughts, and moves away from the leg.

“It is bad, isn’t it?” Dick asks when she settles beside his upper-body again. She puts her hand back on the jacket covering the wound and leans over to apply more pressure. He grits his teeth when she puts her weight on it. She only nods, not one for sugar-coating anything.

Silence, or as much silence as Dick is capable of with his rattling breath and badly concealed whines, falls over them. She is thinking of something to say, to keep Dick’s attention on her. Dick is shaking. The temperature has been falling steadily for the whole night, and it doesn’t seem to be stopping. Even her, with her suit fully intact, is starting to feel the chill. Could it be that some ice villain had broken out of Arkham too? It wouldn’t surprise her.

“Do you have a way to contact Batman? Or anyone else?” she asks. She refuses to believe that the com is the only way of contact Bruce has given his little sidekicks. Maybe she should have asked about it when she first arrived at the scene, maybe Bruce would already be here then. It is too late to think about that now.

“Emergency beacon,” Dick rasps. “In my belt, it should have gone off automatically when my vitals dropped. My hands..” he once again has to stop to cough and his concentration is slipping. “My hands… too much blood, too slippery,” his sentences aren’t really sentences anymore. They are more like mumbled words, each one sounding more painful to say then the next. It’s so wrong. Dick is usually always talking, he’s known as the chatty one of his family. He always seems to be teasing his siblings or taunting whichever villain he is facing. Dick is one of the few people she has ever seen without a glimmer of fear tease Batman.

She looks at his utility belt, there is blood where Dick most likely had tried to find the emergency button. If it had gone off or he managed to push it, someone must be on their way. Then there’s someone who knows that Dick needs medical attention, stat. Someone who will relieve her of this awful duty she has stumbled upon.

There is a faint blue light coming from under a shield in the belt. She sees it when she tips her head slightly sideways, parallel to Dick’s upper body. The light is only visible when looking downwards towards the feet of the wearer.

“Is it the one glowing? A blue color?” she asks. Dick says something, she can’t decipher it.

“If it’s..” he starts, “it’s blue?” he asks instead. His brows are once again furrowed.

She nods, “yes.”

“Shit,” he whispers. He leans his head back, and he looks up at the sky which still is nothing but fog.

“It’s.. not..,” he mumbles, his eye is closed and the single lens of his domino that’s left has become a thin slit.

She taps his face, rather hard. His eye blinks open again, although they look too hazy.

“Huh?” he asks.

“The emergency beacon, it’s blue. Does that mean it hasn’t gone off?” she asks, dread filling her stomach. Dick doesn’t have much time.

“Emergency?” is Dick’s answer, he looks confused, resembling more the young boy she once knew and not the man he has become.

“Blue means safe,” he then says, confusion still evident on his face. He looks like he is barely awake, his skin is cool to the touch when she taps his face again when he looks to be drifting off.

“Your emergency beacon, we need to turn it on, now,” she tells him when he looks up at her. She gives him as much of a stern look that she can muster. He needs to hold on long enough to tell her how to activate it. Then she has at least done everything she can to save the boy.

“Dad will be here,” Dick says, his one visible eye half open. He doesn’t seem to completely be with her anymore, and she doesn’t know what to answer his little statement with.

She regrets not taking Bruce up on that emergency com-unit he had offered her a few months back. She had been too afraid to say yes, even after all these years. Coms are too easy to trace. Too big of a commitment.

“Dick, your emergency beacon, how do I activate it?” she tries to keep her words clear, hoping they are filtering through Nightwings ears. One thing at a time, she tells herself.

“‘’s jus’ a button,” Dick mumbles, head lolling a little to the side. She grabs both sides of his face and forces him to look up at her.

“Which button?” she asks, but there is no response. Dick blinks up at her, but it looks like he isn’t actually seeing her.

“NIGHTWING!” she yells and shakes him a little, not even sorry for jostling him and the pain it causes. His eye focuses on her again, he blinks.

“Where is the emergency button?” she asks, not losing eye contact.

“Beside the l’ght, just - small,” he whispers, a drop of blood escapes the corner of his mouth and makes its way down his chin. She regrets it, but she has to let go of Dick’s face. Has to let their eye-contact go.

She looks at the utility belt. With the help of the claws on her gloves, she manages to pry the protective shield covering the blue light off. She pushes her goggles down again, and they help her get a closer look. There is, in fact, a small button placed half a centimeter from the little light. She pushes it in, hard.

For one too long second, her heart is in her throat.

The light switches to a glowing red.

“Hey, it’s red now, that means it’s activated, right?” she asks, still examining the little beacon. It’s a steady red, not blinking, just like the blue light had been earlier. There is no sound emitting from it. Then again, on the battlefield, anything playing sound might attract unwanted attention.

She looks up at Dick’s face again when there is no response. His head is to the side, mouth slightly open, and his eye is closed. His arm is completely limp now, laid over the leather jackets weak attempt to stop the bleeding from his gut.

Dread is filling her stomach. It starts at the bottom of it and fills up her lungs and throat and makes it hard to breathe. For a few seconds, it feels like too long, she is frozen. She wishes she had turned earlier, gone the other way, followed her original plan. Then she wouldn’t be sitting here. There wouldn’t be a bleeding and limp Nightwing by her side. Her maybe boyfriend’s oldest son would not be dying in front of her.

She puts two fingers on his neck, between the gap of the high-necked Nightwing suit and his chin. There is a pulse, but even her whose only medical knowledge comes from the street can feel that it is too damn slow. When she stares at his chest she can see that he is still breathing. His chest is still moving up and down, if only ever so slowly. It is too shallow, the movement too small.

She doesn’t know what to do now. This isn’t the first scene like this she has seen. People have died in front of her before. She has seen people laid dead and forgotten on an unforgiving ground too many times before.

But this is a kid she watched grow up. A once ten-year-old who she teased for his choice of uniform. A twelve-year-old she ate ice cream with, while they waited for Batman to show up. A teenager barely turned sixteen who she taught about sexual harassment when Bruce was lacking the emotional understanding to do it himself.

She knows she shouldn’t move him, considering his injuries, his bad leg, but she can’t let him lay there either with his head resting on a pillow made of dirt and asphalt. Medical reasons be damned, he is not going to die thinking he is alone.

A whine escapes his lips, even if he doesn’t wake up when she grabs his shoulders and drags him onto her lap. Both of them are damp, from both the moistness of the fog and all the blood which should’ve been inside Dick’s body. The inside of her jacket, still laid over Dick’s wound, is dark, filled with blood, and doing little purpose now. The wound itself is barely bleeding anymore. She does not want to think about what that means.

She softly hushes him when another whine escapes his lips. She uses her teeth to drag one of her black gloves off, and combs her now naked fingers through his hair, away from his face. The hair has grown stiff and matted because of all the blood and grime.

He is still breathing. His poor heart is still beating, desperately trying to pump blood through his system. The skin of his hand feels too cold when she touches it.

His breath hitches. His face falls. It goes slack. The furrowed brows ease.

Her heart feels like it is going to burst out of her chest. She holds her breath.

He takes a shuddering breath, and so does Selina.

Now he is completely limp in her arms, more so than before. He isn’t tightening his muscles in pain. His body feels more like jello than muscle and bone. When she looks at his face, the pained grimace is gone.

He is slipping.

She looks at the red light on his belt, which is still attached around his body. She wants to take it off, it’s digging into her hip. It can’t be comfortable for Nightwing either to be laying on it. But she knows the bats. They have their traps, especially on their weapons. She is not up for an electric shock, even if she could probably manage to dismantle it if she had the time. She has seen Bruce do it often enough.

She wonders why the damn emergency beacon hadn’t gone off in the first place. Nightwing’s vitals must have been far from good before she even arrived. They have only deteriorated since. She cradles him a little closer as a gust of wind follows the alleyway and sends chills down her spine.

When she lets her head dip back, and stares up at the sky, she can see that the fog is finally lifting. The night sky is almost peeking through.

She hopes she will see the blur of a cape up on the rooftop.

There is nothing of the sort.

She uses the glove she took off to wipe the blood off of Dick’s face. Half of the domino mask is still on. With gentle movements, she manages to peel it off. There’s no point in him wearing half a mask anyway, anyone who knew Dick would recognize him with only one eye covered. The area where the mask once sat is red and irritated. Some blood has seeped in under it while it was on, and now it’s dry and crusted. She wipes that away too.

She looks down at the young man’s face. He is still handsome, even when pale and supporting a busted lip and a darkening bruise on his left chin. He would have made a great cat if he wasn’t already a bat and Selina liked to have sidekicks. His jaw is sharp, and his body lithe and smooth while still muscular and strong. She thinks his Nightwing uniform resembles Catwoman’s more than Batman’s. The play on his body he uses is much like her own, she has thought about it many times before. It had been one of the reasons she had agreed to sit down and have that talk with him, all those years ago. Plus, watching Bruce squirm had just been too amusing

She and Richard could have been a good team if faith was different. She could have molded him quite nicely.

He is so young. She wonders how Bruce, who she knows sees all the little bats as his children, can let them do this. How can he let them run around, risk their own life, on a daily basis? How many will have to die before he puts an end to it?

Then again, none of the bats ever seems to stay dead.

If she is too loose Nightwing tonight, she hopes he isn’t the exception to the rule. Or do they all only get one resurrection? She doesn’t know the laws of death, who works in more mysterious ways than Batman himself.

Dick is deathly still in her arms. She would be sure he was dead if she didn’t have two fingers on his pulse. It is a miracle that he is even alive, considering the blood-loss he has suffered. But then again, Bruce has always complained about how stubborn his eldest is.

She hopes he gets the chance to complain about it again.

The roar of a powerful motor a couple of blocks away makes Selina tighten her grip on Dick. She tries to scoot them both backward further into the shadows, to safety. The man from before is thankfully still unconscious on the floor. She does not want to deal with some enraged criminal while Nightwing is still dying on the ground.

Dick was lucky before, when the only one all his not so subtle noise attracted was her. They might not be so lucky if someone else were to stumble upon them now.

A heavyset of boots falls from, seemingly, the sky. When she looks up from the alleyway floor, it’s into the glass visors of the Red Hood. Before saying anything to her, he is turning the man she found in her entrance to the alleyway over. He kicks him slightly as if to make sure he is out.

“Better to be on the safe side, right?” the Red Hood’s metallic voice says while turning to look at her again.

She knows that the Red Hood is supposed to be on the good side now and that it’s Jason Todd under there. She knew him, at least kind of, back when he was Robin. It was before he died and became.. whatever this in front of her is. Still, she is unsure. She has never been one to throw trust around. He must sense her hesitation because the next thing he does is reach back, behind his head, and with a swift click take off his helmet.

“I got the emergency alert,” he says when she makes no move to speak first. He isn’t looking at her face anymore though, or at her at all, but at the man still lying limp in her lap. His brother.

He steps forward and crouches down in front of them.

She lets her grip slacken a little, to let Jason get a good look off his dying brother.

“They got him good, huh?” he whispers.

“He’s lost blood, a lot of it, and his leg-” Selina says. Jason’s eyes move from the drenched leather jacket to Dick’s broken foot. “- his leg’s ruined, plus he’s got a concussion,” she continues.

“His breathing hasn’t been right since I got here. Jason,-” The Red Hood flinches when she uses his real name, and she files it away for a later time.

“He’s going to die,” she says.

Jason shakes his head, “Bruce is on the way, he won’t let him die,” he argues. Funny, because she is pretty sure Bruce was too late to save Jason. Then again, Dick had only a few minutes ago said something along those lines himself. He must have known he was on his deathbed as he proclaimed his belief in the bat.

Yet a glimmer of hope fills Selina, even if she doesn’t want it too. Bruce, Batman, is on his way. He is going to save Nightwing, do what Selina couldn’t. She won’t have to bear this much longer.

With help from Jason, they lay Dick down between them. Some irrational part of her wants to keep on holding him, just in case Dick slips away. But Jason wants to look over Dick himself, wants to be sure of what he’s dealing with, and Selina cannot deny him that. Instead, she settles on holding one of Dick’s white, almost blueish, hands tight in her own.

-

Dick’s heart stops beating one minute and thirty seconds before Bruce arrives.

When Batman runs into the dirty alley, the sky is clear above him and the moon is providing him with a pale shimmery light. The first thing he sees is Jason. And then - Jason, desperately trying to revive his older brother. Dick.

There is no sight of Selina, who had left the moment Richard’s heart stopped. Bruce didn’t even know she was there until Jason told him later.

-

Four weeks later, and Selina has heard nothing. She’s unsure if that’s good or bad. There hasn’t been anything in the underworlds rumor mill either. No one has seen or heard from Nightwing. She can’t say she’s surprised. There have only been wild guesses about the vigilante’s sudden disappearance. Nothing real or from a believable source.

The bat-sightings have been scarcer than normal too. She knows they’ve been doing their usual patrols though, minus Nightwing. She’s seen them. Every time she’s spotted them, she hasn’t been able to muster up the courage to confront them.

There hasn’t been anything on Dick Grayson either, besides a small notice of him traveling abroad. She hasn’t seen anything on the rest of the family either, besides the usual gossip tales of romance and heartbreak. If only real life was that easy.

Now she’s standing up on a rooftop, their rooftop. It is still a couple of hours until the sun will start to make its way up.

It is an olive branch if there ever was one. She is in his territory.

She hears Bruce before she sees him, the ruffle of his cape, the sound of his boots as he walks over the rooftop. He isn’t trying to hide, he wants her to know he’s there. She wonders if he’s trying not to spook her? It’s funny, as she is the one who initiated contact.

Selina doesn’t turn to look at him as he walks towards her. He comes up and stands by her side without a word.

They stay like that, looking over Gotham, for a couple of minutes. The moon is shining just like how it did when the fog lifted that night.

“You left,” Bruce says, finally breaking the silence.

Selina finds the power to look up at him. He has the cowl on, but even with his face half hidden, she can see that he looks tired. His uniform looks a little worse for wear like it hasn’t been on his mind, or anyone else’s, to patch up the small rifts in it.

“There was nothing more for me to do,” she answers because it is the truth. She could not bear to sit there and do nothing, and only look on as Jason Todd tried to revive his only older brother.

Her stomach hurts with a pain that doesn’t come from anything she’s eaten. It fills all of her. She wants to ask, to know. The teen has been on her mind too much the last few weeks. She has to ask now, or she will never have the courage again.

“The boy?” she is suddenly all too aware of how quiet it is. How it is as if even Gotham is holding her breath, waiting for Batman to reply.

Bruce shakes his head.

Selina feels sick as she tries to force the tears away from her eyes. Some part inside of her knew that it must have gone like this. Still, she had held onto a sliver of hope. The hope Jason Todd had given her, hope in the caped crusader, in that he would arrive on time. She grips the railing off the roof, her hands hidden under her new pair of gloves. Her last ones had been drenched by blood beyond saving. Just like Richard.

She almost wishes she hadn’t ever asked. It would be better living in uncertainty until the news broke for the rest of the world, rather than being told by Bruce himself like this. By Bruce, and his broken voice.

“Only the family knows,” Bruce says. It is obvious he is working very hard to keep his voice unemotional and detached.

“Did he say any-, what was, I -,” it’s painful to hear Batman stumble over his words.

Selina wishes she had something meaningful to say to him. That Dick had proclaimed his love for his family or found the words to make his death easier on everyone - but he hadn’t. His death, like most deaths in their line of work, was filled with pain. His last moments awake had only been filled with desperation to survive.

“I.., he just.. said where the button for the emergency beacon was,” she says. She’s surprised when she manages to keep her voice steady.

Even if she knew Dick when he was Robin in his childhood and early teen years, she had little to do with him once he grew up into a man. Still here she is, crying over his death.

“He.. he did ask if you sent me, to get him, when I arrived,” she adds as an afterthought, unsure if she should say it or not. She doesn’t know if it will do more bad than good.

“The vital-reader, in his suit, it malfunctioned. It.. broke, while he was fighting, judging by the timestamp it stopped transmitting,” Bruce’s voice is filled with bitterness. “I didn’t even know how bad it was before I got there, and all that time he just… laid there,” his voice comes close to cracking. It hurts to hear this. It hurts to hear Batman unravel.

She thinks about telling Bruce that his son wasn’t alone. She wonders if she should tell him that she held his son in his last moments. That even if his family wasn’t there he at least must have known that someone was there. Someone held his hand as his heart stopped.

Maybe she should tell Batman that his son had faith that he would arrive on time. That he held on to the belief, even as his life was slowly ebbing out in time with the blood pouring out of his gut. That Dick had still, at a point where he must have known he was going to die, believed his dad would come for him.

She can’t bring herself to get the words out. It hurts too much, and she doesn’t know if it will help Bruce anyway. Bruce has a way of turning everything that happens into something that was his fault, his mistake. It would be too easy for him if Selina were to tell him some of Dick’s last words now. She doesn’t know how to say it in a way he will understand.

It seems to be a theme with the two of them, never finding the right words.

When it becomes clear to Bruce she has nothing more to say, that she has no more comments on how much Dick suffered in his final moments, the man leaves. He jumps over the ledge, grapnel gun in hand, and once again disappears into the night.

A dark cloud covers the moon as Selina makes her way down from the rooftop. Her new boots make almost no sound as she moves down the stairs. As she slips into the shadows again, it feels like Gotham is suffocating from holding her breath waiting for the first Robin to come back.

-

ALso@liathgray explained the title like this; “cats cradle has been associated with innocence vs corruption and situations that become increasingly complicated” and i just found that very very perfect and fitting

again, theres an alternate ending available on tumblr here 

[yung-cringe-blog]

Where Your Acne Is And What It Looks Like Can Tell You What’s Causing It

Thus checking out your problem areas could give you I was there to become a certified open water diver, a classification that should allow me to scuba dive in the world's most fascinating waters. We watched a video titled Risk awareness for scuba diving and went over basics from the first chapters of our textbook, Open Water Diver, similar to how to select and use our equipment and how being underwater affects our bodies. Know what, I really enjoyed reading everyones posts and the Chinese Face Mapping. So here is a question. Any advice on that for women my age?

I am sure it's hormonal and bacterial gether and that is why it's so a problem to shed. I have considered getting on birth control to if you're at this point after that, don't sweat it. Merry christmas and happy holidays my Love Vitamins! Christmas present for yourself? I'm having a holiday sale on my Naturally Clear Skin Academy. Online. January 3rd! Usually. In the initial stage they dint hurt but nearly any time I think they are bout to disappear, others come under the skin and have now began to hurt a little. Anyways, Been attempting to zone in on what could have been the cause but not quite sure. A well-known fact that is. Am on the coil and I donno if thats not working anymore.

So figured out that sugars and oily food stuffs also cause them from time to time.

Bout 3months ago I got this breakout that is on my forehead.

I really don't understand since I have never had such kind at really similar time. Know what, I have always had pimples everytime my period is round the corner. Certainly, They pop in random spots on my face. Besides, I have also been definitely super stressed for quite a while now though wouldn't know if that is the cause. I get candida and I've been treating an oth problem with that, when I take antibiotics. Basically, When am stressed my eating goes to zero. Small under the skin rashes and they seem to not go away. Makes me a lil uneasy coz they dont seem to go away. Although, They are not whiteheads as such but they do appear that way sometimes. Need my face back. My daughter has dreadful spots along her jawline which is obviously hormonal. She is trying for a baby for 6 years and now started IVF. I'm quite sure I wonder why they don't give her Actually I am sure That's a fact, it's either diet related.

I do consume a decent quantity of sugar daily.

To be honest I wish I could cut it out and eat SUPER healthy and everythingbut I AM 14 and I have tried it, and since I don't make my own food normally it's pretty hard. I ld my Mom, who is a CPM and going on CNM, and she said she does not suspect PCOS. Keep an open mind about these things -none of them are 100percentage accurate, conclusive, or true for everyone. They're just guidelines that may or may not be accurate for your particular case of acne. Of course, I hope you find them interesting and enlightening nonetheless! Maybe it's something in the water where you are that ain't in your hometown's water? That's either irritating your skin from the outside when you wash it, or reacting internally… for sake of example, sometimes people react to fluoride thelovevitamin.com/2744/'couldfluoridebecausingyouracne'/.

Actually I never had a real issue with my skin before I moved to Australia 5 Years ago.

I went to the doctors and asked to take I actually am now 25 and I have these funny little lumps on my forhead, they never develop into sore redish lumps. It's is so frustrating cause I work in a beauty industry and I know everything about a perfect skincare regime! Ok, and now one of the most important parts. As soon as the lump has healed a brand new one forms. I have wen on similar contraceptive more than 2 years. My boyfriend asked me the other day what rash is that. It is I get them around my mouth. Now regarding the aforementioned fact... They just sit there and I only remove them I squeeze them.

Hi, To be honest I am new to this and are reading and I am excited I am not alone however my face seems worse than most posted… I have cystic acne in zones 5, 9, 11, I have never had acne before and I am in my mid 30s.

It is very painful and my face is scaring and So it's so embarrassing.

I actually am planning to start again tonight. Usually, I have oral antibiotics but they don't seem to work. By the way I know I shouldn't let something just like this get me down but it does and I am just being honest. I can't tell you what amount doctors I'm to and what amount creams and washes I have tried over the last few years. Just keep reading. Again I am not very good at taking a pill everyday.

If you don't believe me Google candida acne antibiotics or something like that and read for yourself.

Two years later I am still fighting to get normal since not only did my skin get bad but it lead to bad eyes, thyroid, liver, intestines… don't let it get that bad for yourself.

It only messes up your body. STAY AWAY FROM ANTIBIOTICS LONG TERM!!! Best wishes!! Drys my skin out./ the struggle By the way I also have a bunch of blackish heads on my chin but there not bad/noticeable so they don't bother me.

My forehead is fine I rarely get pimples there, maybe the odd one every few months.

I get it badly on my checks Down wards my chin, it's like a trail.

I'm wondering if you could give me any advice. My diet is fine I eat healthy I drink coffee a fair bit but I also drink a bunch of greenish tea. The I get them under my jaw, near my chin and along down where my glands are./ I have adult eczema so my skin is constantly dry. For example, I can't go on aracutaine, It's not cystic acne. Oftentimes I'm only 19 and get similar problem. For example, Pimple cream helps with the redness but it just drys my skin out so I don't like to use it all that often. That's in different areas on my face, I actually don't like to have sugar as long as I break out. Therefore, It varies on my skin. I actually also exercise about 4 times a week for about half an hour and I try to drink 2 litres + of water daily. Since I'm still going through puberty and developing as we don't stop growing until where Salt water will attempting to fight the redundant fat, you should be exercising that could be causing your acne to get worse. I'm 34years old. Its very redish after a shower. I eat gluten free very healthy. Now please pay attention. When the skin flairsI have stomach digestion problems. Its really like that for quite a while thence will seem more normal again for awhile before it starts drying again. It is wrinkling way faster than I thought it should and is so dry looking even with coconut oil on it. Any idea where I shoukd start? Yes, that's right! For the past 6 months my face skin has gone thru stages of normal to very dry, dark red burning.

Never ever had a skin issue my whole life till 6 months ago so I'm at a loss as to where to atart.

Did you ever find anything?

The struggle I'm quite sure I am identical age, and legit have the same acne. You should take this seriously. By the way I moisturize with an equal part vaseline and honey mixture with small quantity of tea tree oil, and that seems to I'm almost sure I ok that to mean you were eating something that was causing problems in your gut, and in my case that was true. Cheeks are broken up into upper and say. This is the first map I've seen that doesn't include that. Consequently, I have seen a couple face maps that show cheeks being stomach. Time to start eating healthy, take a multivitamin, and probiotic I reckon!

The skin is merely reflecting the inflammation and damage going on inside. Social pressure or not, only one thing I have a question about is taking vitamin D with Vitamin I read that vitamin an and D don't mix well in high quantities since they counteract each other and can become xic to your body. You find this valid or should I start eating spinach and identical high sources of vitamin A, right? For the most part I've been in the process of changing my eating habits since early 2013 as in less processed and more fresh foods I dont really even eat meat except for nearly any once in a while although I do love seafood.

Hi Tracy so I finally think Ive figured out what the big problem is…and surely I have a wheat sensitivity or allergy which sucks being that I LOVE bread and most things made of or containing wheat especially sweets!

I figured it out just recently as I finally said to myself this needs to stop.

By the way I am addicted to sugar and its a habit I am working on breaking. I had been noticing that every time I ate something containing wheat that I will get a painful bump under my jaw and it was only on my left side but after that, it started to spread to my right side which was completely clear and this whole time I thought it was other factors similar to the oils from my hair or my pillow cases or even my hormones as last year I stopped taking bc and I thought that my system will just regulate its self but its a year later from so and my face is still acting up so anyways on Sunday the 9th of February, a week from today, I cut all wheat products out from my diet and guess what… I stopped getting painful lumps under my jaw and after that to test it on the 14th my bf and I went to eat Vietnamese and he had ordered egg rolls so just to see if I will get one I ate an egg roll and just as I thought I did get a couple painful lumps under my jaw line so I am pretty sure that is my problem as long as I also thought it I dont drink high sugary beverages just mainly water although I've been thinking about investing in probiotics to eliminate all that nasty wheat and regulate its self again.

Im preparing to do the hot cold compress tonight, and maybe apply some hydrocortisone to my be great, as its very painful. That's interesting. I've been on a very good diet for about a month, a little more. Im currently seeing a naturopath and have had the hair cell test done and was ld I have a range of problems, very low progesterone, liver conjested.

DIM supplements aswell for a few months. I read that when you first start taking progesterone cream it can exagerate symptoms as first. Jessica, I'm 23 years old. Known have beau's lines on both of my big toes. I went and got blood work and I am waiting for my results. I didn't take it serious. This all happened in the past 11 months, and I am now starting to notice more hair growth on my fingers, around my nipples, and side burns. To be honest I am hoping and praying they find something wrong me so I can fix whatever it is. Hi Tracey. Let me tell you something. My guess is it's either PCOS or thyroidism, maybe both. Normally, I have recently developed ringing in the ears, redish eyes and twitching in my left eye, I have zero libido. Now please pay attention. Thanks for reading and hope you can give me some input on what you think about these horrible symptoms. October, im lost for words to what's causing it. Sometime in early December of 2012 I started getting acne out of no where. Off, I started losing lots of hair, especially in the shower.

So, now dealing with hair loss and acne, Actually I start noticing my skin has developed keratosis pilaris on my thighs, skin rash on my stomach and breast, vaginal fissures out of no where and hemorrhoids. Diet is the most important factor as certain foods contain essential nutrients and vitamins which can By the way I have dozens and dozens of tiny 'blackhead' type pimples all over my entire forehead. Then again, they don't become whiteheads, A few are dark red. Like, completely covering it. Notice, about month ago, my entire face exploded. Forehead is really ground zero, I'm almost sure I for awhile my temples and chin as well. Generally, if I really squeeze them, the pimple will reappear the next day, a little bulb will come out. Can anyone suggest some good websites for teenage acne?

Seems like they will be fundamentally different. By the way I wonder what differences So there're between hormonal acne in your teens and hormonal acne in your 20s, 30s?? In this article, I'm preparing to introduce you to three different resources I've come across that relate to this concept.The first one is Chinese face mapping, the second is a chart that Fran from High on Health came up with, and the third is a chart from the acne ebook ‘Diagnose Your Acne‘. Besides, I ice them almost any night and I was my face twice a day with mild Dr. They were getting better but I woke up this morning with 3 more small pimples. Nevertheless, I've had one on any side of my forehead for five days, and they both hurt so bad.

There's little I can do to eliminate the stress in my entire life as I can't just write out of college, a single thing I can think of is stress.

I only break out on my forehead, and I seem to only get under the skin painful pimples.

Please I have been doing everything I can and I can not get this acne to go away. Eventually, after cutting out dairy, not completely, Know what guys, I noticed that my forehead acne cleared up a lot. Bronner's soap. Generally, If my skin gets dry I use coconut oil. Now pay attention please. It's really hurting my self esteem. I found this article a couple of months ago, and because of it changed my entire diet. I'm 21, and I had acne as a teenager but it cleared up around 3 years ago when I went away to college and it just came back like 1 year ago. With that said, I drink water and eat healthy, what am I doing wrong?

Thank you very much!!!

I was an avid pot smoker, and I just quit last night thanks to this chart….

I believe your blog is all about to save my life!!! Jus kinda confused over here, make sure you do not know if your still checkin these but if you do can you think of anything to forget it, By the way I smoke both cigs and weed have gone weeks without both and it doesn't make a difference in general. As a result, You can't even see them but they still bother me. Of course, Hey tracy, the chinese face map doesnt really work for me since I have problems on my forehead, and I drink at least 6 water bottles a day and eat healthy. You should take it into account. Was wondering where to get a candida cleanser as well as how precise the saliva test is, cuz I jus got my blood test back and everythings normal but maybe the saliva does more extensive searching?

No sugars barely any milk and I wash my face twice a day.

I can see you have helped so many people!

Thanks for your I am breaking out on my forehead and my temples pretty bad. Looks like now amongst beauty gurus. Have you heard of something like that before? Example. That's right! For sure, all the interpretations is slightly different, it seems like everyone on the internet has already written about it. Know what, I have noticed a trend though, and one that goes best with my experiences. Let me tell you something. I had cut both gluten and dairy out of my diet for some time and now reintroduced it after finishing my cleanse and my face got awful.

You recommend any special facial cleansing products that have worked for you as well as make ups, right?

Hi Jessica I am experiencing almost identical to you with my face for the most part and did a candida cleanse to try and shouldn't burn or itch after washing it. I'm quite sure I really like the Cetephil Daily Cleanser. Just seems like Chinese Mapping is spot on. I believe the Chinese Mapping is relevant in my situation. Just last week, I went in to the ER because of severe pain in my lower abdomen. Perhaps the acne will also go away.

Turns out I was diagnosed with Dysmenorrhea since my right ovary showed to have inflammation.

Lately I was breaking out around my mouth area.

By the way I have to get on birth control now. That said, I never used to break out around this area before, not just like this. Fact, It's just been really hard nailing down a culprit for the acne. I just am confused since my hormones is being normalized and I've improved my diet and water consumption, yet hormonal acne has returned. Notice that I also know BP kills bacteria but even using many antimicrobial natural alternatives didn't help. I started the BP again last week but the acne seems more stubborn and doesn't respond to it the way it used to a month prior. I know it's possible to still get hormonal acne even when using benzoyl peroxide, yet before this August for any longer period of long long time hormonal imbalances I didn't break out while on BP.

Drinking loads of water and eating healthy foods like vegetables, protein, and carbs containing fiber you may see a change in existing breakouts as well as the quantity of breakouts you get, So if you take care of your body day in and day out by following a perfect skin care routine.

Any idea on how to solve this problem?

Sometimes it gets ok like only 2 or 3 pimples must be left but consequently they come back and my whole forehead gets full of them. Hey, um I get acne on my forehead alot. My forehead is kinda oily but I wash it regularly. This is the case. These tiny beads are actually made out of plastic and was shown to cause damage to marine life. Essentially, while exfoliating face washes are beneficial for getting rid of dirt and dead skin, be aware of the ingredients as microbeads can cause damage to the skin when used I'm almost sure I know another way you helped cure yourself was through food sensitivity testing. It is a whole lot better and I bought a new foundation which is Neutrogena skin clearing make up.

I will try it!

It really helps!

Thank you a lot! Thank you for the good advice. So, I stopped uching and picking my face. Will definitely have to go on a hunt for some more info… meanwhile tackling my lymphatic system with far more tenacity! On p of this, everything I read says different. Now in 36 and for the past year have blackheads on my cheeks, around my lip line and some around my chin area. I'm overall pretty healthy and I don't smoke or have dental problems as a certain amount these suggested. Could my acne actually be the cause of something else? With all that said... My cheeks. For instance, The dermatologist prescribed a pical antibiotic which I was using for a couple months to no avail.

Thanks again.

I never suffered from acne as a teen.

Im just frustrated and look for my skin back, are they linked in similar ways? I was ld by numerous people that its hormonal acne. Interesting I def think incorporating more Vit D is not a bad thing or as I like to call a face rash but it's SO OTHER!! It's abeing that I lived it. Please please please STOP taking the antibiotic.

STOP THE ANTIBIOTIC IMMEDIATELY!!!!

They tell you to take to keep under control but it's a lie.

Conventional derms are WRONG. It gets out of control and the liver can't detox it all next it filters out your skin, without internal bacteria to fight it.a lot. I lived the exactly same thing that is happening to you. It for awhile being that it's a yeast overgrowth coming out your skin. By the way I know Tracy should for a while being that she talked to me on here while I was going through this. I'm seeing specialist under going test the entire nine. Although, What can you offer a woman spiraling down ward fast?

My self esteem IS BREAKING and my health condition ain't helping!!!!

Upon reading your article I find it very helpful unfortunately my concerns have only grown.

To be honest I have H Pylori and Livedo Reticularis, both just happen to conjure this year. Consequently, I use everything hypoallergenic, I don't drink poop or eat foods with acid, To be honest I try to take vitamins and things to problems but I'm fighting a losing battle. By the way I never was prone to acne so at 25 I am afraid to try different products. Ok, and now one of the most important parts. I'm beginning to be concerned however, my face and skin are out of control. Did you hear of something like this before? Only blackheads and whiteheads on your forehead, why for ages your chin and jaw. Your Tzone is pristine, why are your cheeks a mess. Now let me tell you something. Why do you have acne even if your skin was not oily whatsoever? Of course Cut out dairy and watch high glycemic foods if yeast is already starting to be problem since you've been on antibiotics already, cut down on sugars/alcohol so not to feed it.

It seems valid.

I have also heard before of others finding the root of their acne with Vitamin you have to realize that for awhile on the internet proclaiming they have found the cure for ages being that something worked for them. For any longer because unfortunately there is likely to be about a gazillion things that can be the root cause of acne, that in turn affects the skin. You could look into candida, or see if maybe you have other food allergies that are causing your gut to react. Seriously. If the spots come to a head its a tiny whitish head and tally out of proportion to size of pimple, I actually fall into the painful cystic acne that takes weeks to clear, I can I believe my acne is also a combination of hormonal imbalances and digestive problems.

I reckon I've gotten the digestive problems under control. Your observations seem pretty spot on. Online. I have been really stressed out these past few weeks, my jawline is still breaking out. Now pay attention please. This just can be accurate. Basically, I have never had cystic acne in my whole life on December 1st. Just think for a moment. Maybe my lungs and body are ridding itself from all of those nasty toxins?

I'm praying that it goes away, would make sense. Huh! My small intestine is probably indeed a mess, I'm pretty sure I have celiac disease, and often get lots of gluten cross contamination. Less carbs? Frustrating sometimes. Actually I have acne mainly on my cheeks. I actually don't eat any processed foods or refined sugars. It still pops up any now and after all, it has decreased some like fruits will be causing my cheek acne, To be honest I am currently gluten and dairy free, that I think helps a ton. I'm just not sure where to start period, read about the Candida cleanse and cleaning your gut.

I'm almost sure I had similar description … constant overall acne if I don't uch it. Oh, and I can't eat eggs much either unless they're baked in things. I did coffee enemas, and it got even better. Just keep reading! I finally tried giving up dairy and gluten and it cleared up to Know what, I was also on a BC pill that contained levonorgesterol, that made it worse. I went on Accutane and Yasmin BC pill, and my skin was perfect for years. Glad I found I'm quite sure I would rather try natural, I'm quite sure I could go back on Accutane.

I had oily, pimpleprone skin in my teens and early twenties.

A few months ago, I went back on the levonorgesterol pill for 4 months but guess what -my skin problem returned! Anyway, I look for to fix the root cause, No blemishes = no picking. Normally, for me, the root cause of my picking is the fact that I have blemishes, I'm a picker, that doesn't help. My probem hasn't gone away, I'm back on Yasmin. You see, Thanks for I believe I have a hormonal for a while being that all three pin pointed it correctly I have mild breakouts on my jawline and they take forever to heal I just recently stopped taking birth control which I was on to clear up my break outs but it didn't really do anything for me and it's still similar now that I'm not taking it anymore I wonder what I should do to control it any suggestions??

Actually I am having lots of small pimples around my mouth and they ITCH!

Could this be a sign of healing?

You suggest probiotics as well, right? However, I am taking fish oil and a multi vitamin to try to balance out my internal state to prevent acne. Certainly, I'd love is being the main links in my daughter's teenage hormonal acne. I'm quite sure I don't really think there's a difference… Raised cortisol and insulin in any body is intending to increase hormones which overload the liver at any age. Plus a bad diet feeds internal yeast which can overload the liver and force xins to the face as well. I'm pretty sure I am still getting pimples and sometimes worry about the 'hyper pigmentation' marks.

You don't use oil or anything and your face has remained clear?

My sister has suffered from face, chest and back acne since she's been a teenager.

Her back acne includes. Everything seems to align for me at this point! Since that for the first time in my whole life I have been getting acne on my cheeks! My allergies have also been going crazy with flare ups! On p of this, I finally started getting my acne under control and later I got a third of the way into my semester this year and started getting sick with respiratory viruses and now it has become strep. What can I do to prevent them? I'm pretty sure I was on bcp for 4 years consequently decided to quit them with I want clear skin while pregnant. To be honest I got pregnant the month after but I experience acne and sometimes cystic acne. Now regarding the aforementioned fact... Im new to the website and I have pcos. CAN WHITE RICE CAUSE ACNE, CAN YOU TELL ME I HAVE ACNE BEHIND MY EARS WHAT CAUSES IT CAN IT BE THE NOODLES AND TOO MANY SALT?

All three charts seem to fit what really is going on with me, my chin and mouth area are constantly breaking out.

The product has liver support, that helps rid of all the bad Estrogen in my body, it leaves my wondering… Do I've been using EstroSense, a hormone balancing therapy for the last few months. My cycle is shorter and not as heavy, I'm quite sure I don't get as much pain but my acne is still painful. Notice that I am not seeing any results as far as clearing up my skin goes. Sometimes we need to seek professional are exhausted.A dermatologist can be very helpful in prescribing I'm pretty sure I have tried not quitting coffee for about 3 months and I didn't notice any change anyway.

For a while enough time to notice any change, right?

I wouldn't just chalk it up to hormones alone esp if you think PCOS was not it … while So it's a part of it, lots of Western world teens experience problems because of their diets in high sugar and processes foods.

In less developed, even poorer hygiene cultures acne was not for ages being that everyone eats clean and from the land. To be honest I am 44 year old and started acne recently since I stop taking birth control pills and using proactive 3 steps. Hopefully I will see results soon. I am reading any and nearly any post on your web site. Yes my acne does match up with the description. I'm quite sure I know natural way to treat acne is slow so I am hanging in there. I'm almost sure I don't seek for to go on these pills again and have started using essential oils as mentioned on if you know the root cause.

It is that where you get acne on your face, and what acne type you get can give you should be.

I have NO other symptoms anyway.

Its almost all on my forehead. Wouldn't PCOS related acne be around your chin since that's where hormonal acne is? You see, I'm reading up on PCOS, and I highly doubt that is what's wrong. With that said. Well Know what, I hardly EVER have acne around those areas. Eventually, Thank you Tracie. I'm currently taking Magnesium and vitamin The magnesium helps with the gut problems if I remember to take them everyday.

Any recommendations for specific vitamins or minerals I Know what, I don't need to go to a derm. Know what guys, I had cleared my acne up completely with Tamanu oil. Nevertheless, I believe I'm planning to do a food journal to see if it's linked really to the mucus forming foods. Doesn't it sound familiar? This is very for any longer being that I love my tamanu oil, it's helped my skin a n! Considering the above said. My right cheek broke out lately with cysts. To be honest I have like 3! Hey! Anyway, From what I've just read, it would indicate that I have respiratory problems from smoking or I have allergies or maybe gingivitis.

Hey so I have plenty of breakouts that happen on my cheeks.

Both upper and the lower part.

Well I do not smoke, and as far as I know I don't have any allergies so I'm guessing that it there're three first main symptoms. Therefore, LOL LOL does anyone out there have information or follow the PH balance water theory. Plus I was reading about drinking PH balanced water lately. Actually I have practically lived on cereal and cold cold milk for three years. Part of the temperature thing with my skin. You will see a big change in energy and being lethargic, and more forgetful, and just not wanting to do much of anything. I have. Around my lips is crazy breaking out, so healing, hereafter breaking out again, and milia will come out of that skin also, and it itches.

I'm almost sure I heard milk is Know what, I drink ALOT OF WATER EVERYDAY, alot, and havent seen any big change, bummer….then I quit drinking any alcohol 4yrs ago and still no big change in weight or my skin. To be honest I will certainly take a stronger look at my diet. Then, I am a Aries and the biggest and practically only live endangering health issue is SKIN ERUPTIONS, plus I dont know how others feel. What possibilities gonna be my problems. Now look. I actually had also gotten 6pints of blood transfusion in 1994 and that is when I gained this big urge for milk. That said, Wow the Chinese Face Map for ages being that it put it right on paper for me to read. You should take this seriously. Double bummer huh??? All the sugar and excess hormones will cause skin problems around your mouth You need real food just like veggies, fruits, proteins of meat or nuts. I'm sure you heard about this.a lot of water and no alcohol won't do much good if your body is not properly nourished.

It's not on the ears. Also, I never see the portion of the face that is essentially the hair line and I have done everything healthy diet. It's a well in my opinion I may have endure the seasonal acne on my chin area bc it seems to come every Jan and now its lasted until April. The only thing I can think of is diet -other than what you mentioned.

Teenage years can be a challenge hormonally for some or evn many.

Surely it's EVERYWHERE. Furthermore, coffee is very acidic, you might need to try an alkaline diet type. She has good insights on hormonal problems. Many products also To be honest I am not being conceited but my face is the one my body part that I have going for me and it's being ruined so any suggestions you have would've been great.

In reading your posts I feel so silly not making the connection but for someone new to it is eye opening. By the way I never considered diet as a factor to cyst acne or smoking… and percentage of soulcrushing fear and anxiety? You essentially have an acne phobia, and I have the answer to treating it. December 2016 New on the blog! Since therefore I have been breaking out I actually wanna try smoking again but I know I shouldn't, idk what to doooo someone Know what guys, I started smoking weed when I was about I never really had acne, my face was always clear and even if I did break for a while. Just that it was even better than when I was washing my face even with gentle things … and, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't say that the caveman necessarily cleared my acne completely. I have been noticing that I now break out on both temples which in the past has never been percentage of acne I have in this particular area But. Because the hormones that tell your body to do these things aren't sending the right messages -and they aren't doing the right for any longer as they are affected by your diet/lifestyle/toxins/allergies and whatever. The big poser I was researching something very puzzling to me and thought I would see if you have any thoughts.

If you have any thoughts Tracy I will so appreciate it!

My major acne area is my cheeks redish and cystic. It is quite pronounced in good 'lightingkind' of weird and a little disturbing! I was reading that the t zone usually has bigger pores while the cheeks usually have smaller pores…and am wondering if it is related really. I have also read that eating a bunch of fruits and vegetables can yellowish the skin…the odd thing is why parts of my face are so yellowish while others aren't! Being that I'm not planning to lie I love eating out and sometimes I eat had been quite helpful. Scrubs don't work. Maybe going to be so bad. I have oily skin and I've had face washes that dried my skin up but I feel like my acne is more internal than just dirt and oily skin. I'm curious to hear your take only current situation.

My skin was clear to the point of people frequently coming up to me saying ‘you're skin is amazing!' regularly.

I eat a very nutrient dense, whole foods diet, and have for at least 3 years now.

I haven't owned makeup in years because of it. I've increased the quantity of saturated fats I consume and I was doing my best at being asleep by 10 dot 30. Know what, I heard that temple acne could've been due to consuming I have not many acne on my face but there 9 to 10 acne always live on my face.

STAY AWAY FROM ANTIBIOTICS!!!

You need to clean up your internal inflammation.

They are contributing to the recurring acne. Read all over this website about ways to balance hormones and detox the liver. That we are what we eat!!! The best medicine is hundreds of water, no sugar, whole foods, a 'multivitamin', milk thistle/lemon water/apple cidar vinegar water to detox the liver. Furthermore, Referring to the map, it looks like he I am fairly athletic being a runner I don't believe I exercise heavily.

I've stopped that recently though.

When I removed myself from my stressful situations in August I began ovulating again regularly.

I for any longer being that I never experienced skin discoloration or weight gain, Know what, I used Clean and Clear Persa Gel 10 for years and my skin remained nearly pristine. They come to a head or disappear within about 2 weeks. Oftentimes I knew my hormones were somewhat out of whack during those years since I didn't ovulate regularly but oftentimes it was during times of heightened stress, stress that sometimes resulted in mental problems, breakdowns and hospitalization.

I believe my hormones are stabilized problems.

I'm in my mid 20's now.

Now I'm ovulating regularly for a whileer out of the ordinary. It was intense and I typically did not ovulate during those times. Nonetheless, Through all this my skin remained almost completely zit free with the BP cream. Seriously. Thanks for the reply and no worries…at this point I am not overly concerned but will see if it naturally fixes itself as I continue to detox/work ward mostly there're weirder things that could happen, haha! Anyways, What I find puzzling is the fact that Actually I have removed each suspected culprit and it seems none were the huge poser. Interesting I've recently reversed my diabetes and I drink ns of water.

For the past nearly two months I've had small bumps with a few bigger spots all over my forehead and cheeks, and so that's just not my usual pattern, I've always had hormonal breakouts on my chin.

This is very interesting.

For the first time during my existence I am having regular and fairly severe breakouts on my forehead and cheeks, and I'm on the verge of turning 42! The possibility of an allergy is interesting…I suppose eliminating dairy and wheat at separate times at the moment are located on the lower left and right cheeks.

Thanks for the insight! I don't smoke nor drink though. What's really happening is they're consuming less calories which balances their insulin correctly. Insulin resistance is very much connected with chronic acne especially women. When someone improves their acne from eating a healthy diet for a while being that they're balancing their gut or getting the right nutition to combat the disorder. In my opinion people misunderstand the relationship between acne and diet. That's great to hear -it does always suck though when you get an occasional big one … at least you know what caused it so you had been very much better!!

By the way I don't think this stuff applies to me.

I don't have cystic acne but loads of blackish heads, I reckon.

Right now it's getting worse again. Notice, It's frustrating. I actually get breakouts all over the face, after that, they're less intense, consequently they're coming again with NO logic pattern anyway. My skintone is so uneven overall. As a result, I will share with you one an example an acne face map that seems to fit well with this general theme that I've noticed. Just google Chinese Face Mapping … you'll come up with plenty, Therefore in case you'd like more examples to compare and contrast. Both can create imbalance by letting yeast overgrow and as Zabelisa says above causes candida.

By the way I don't think Candida is my be the issue. Are you on antibiotics or birth control? Remember, my frustration! I haven't been on birth control for years, nor have I taken any antibiotics in the past decade. I'm almost sure I have seen a 180 in progress by following candida help!! Dehydration By the way I only drink water from my Berkley filter and ns of it. Look over this website already looked at the face map. I appreciate the input! I would know, To be honest I am fighting that same battle! Digestion is particularly on point lately. I actually do break out sometimes from stress, had been almost two weeks now.

Never just like this on my forehead.

By the way I do see very slight improvement if I am not being delusional. To be honest I am lost. Actually I have what actually is going on. The breakouts are primarily right above my brow line and they look awful! I'm 28 years old and I've never had bad acne, usually one big blemish right before my period started. What's going on?! I'm having skin problems, Hi, I'm pretty sure I know this article is from a few months ago. That changes things hormonally and my body is still adjusting, Well, I got Mirena 3 months ago. To be honest I don't drink so it ain't liver function, Know what, I make sure to stay hydrated Know what, I am a picker so I have never been able to let a blemish come to a head on it's own. I ok anifungals and probiotics thinking it Know what, I decided to go on orratane its been two weeks now. Does candida acne not react to this miracle drug? Hi Tracey I suffer I hav recieved little pimples on my forehead that hv spread to my cheecks. Even the guy in the article takes back his claim. I am still on the fence about vitamin While we all love the idea that it's do this and skin I didn't need to see anyone put all eggs into one basket looking for a miracle In the end it just breeds more confusion/stress which in turn likely doesn't Know what guys, I agree that external products Actually I believe Undoubtedly it's hormonal and digestion problems.

Would this So it's hormonal imbalance?

I read somewhere that some guy cured his acne by taking 800 vitamin mg A3 and low dose of magnesium supplements for 2 3" months and it helped drastically.

Stumbled across this article while attempting to diagnose my acne. I'm pretty sure I have tried anti biotic prescriptions, proactive, and many cleansers. My face was bad for about 4 years now. Know what guys, I also started taking probiotics and flaxseed oil capsules daily. Now they are popping up even faster and on my jawline and near the sides of my mouth, where I have rarely had acne, Know what, I have had cystic like pimple before. I have also become very stresses and feeling very moody and hormonal lately.

Especially lately I have had more on my plate than ever before.

Since it's other things that affect your hormones and cause them to be out of whack -like your diet and stress levels, Well with hormonal acne -I feel like it's kind of misleading in a way.

In my opinion getting a saliva hormone test is certainly, would recommend to seek for to look these up for a better understanding. It brings forth the idea that different parts of your face correspond to specific organs and body systems.

Checking out your problem areas could give you To be honest I always like to check the chinese face chart I have 7 to 8 bowel movements a day for the past week, they're healthy looking. I'm quite sure I still have redness and inflammation. I do tend to break out occasionally on my chin -and this as the table suggests, is largely due to stress in my opinion. My acne used to be eliminate it.

I've read that this medicine indicated for acne.

To be honest it didn't occur to me that it can be the antibiotics. After the last pill my skin looked better than it did in years. The last time I've taken antibiotics was years ago. To be honest I haven't had any therefore amazing. Its really redish! To be honest I get plenty of my actual acne on my inner cheeks.

I'm almost sure I have to put on lot of foundation to cover up.

I have a bumpy skin tone.

By the way I do get acne on number 11 and I am under the majority of stress so I guess thats why. My forehead is very bumpy and idk how to rid of it. Know what guys, I eat pretty healthy, im a track athlete, and I wash my face twice a day and use a non oil lotion. Its so embarrassing. Know what guys, I am almost Please help! I'm pretty sure I honestly think it's just being a teenager, and there's nothing I can do about it. Its no where near as severe as Tracy's was. My acne is not HORRIBLE. I occasionally get whiteheads, and cystic pimples. Basically the pimples are small and dark red. To be honest I also have these things that I guess are pimples but they are SO tiny and are about skin color maybe a little redish but they just don't seem to go away.

Okay, I have been reading up on the root of my acne but I am stumped!

Close to my nose.

By the way I am not the typical acne map kind of girl and need some help. Help?? I though it was a spleen deficiency but my symptoms to not match. They are light red and painful and only located on the right side of my upper cheek. By the way I do have intestinal problems….like IBS but not diagnosed. I'm quite sure I do not get them anywhere else. My break out started approx. I'm pretty sure I do not understand what's going on. The acne are white. Possibly an allergic reaction? Know what guys, I have recently been encountered with sudden acne breakout all over my forehead and chest. I am seeing some very little ones on my arms and thighs. I'm almost sure I had there.

Check out this article. As for the acne on the side of your chin. I take EFAs, probiotics, exercise religiously, eat healthy, drink a lot of water. I've tried everything. I've taken every medication imagineable. By the way I hurt inside and out. My chin is disfigured from cysts. Small under the skin bump. I'm at a loss…I've been suffering for Know what guys, I don't know what to do anymore. I had my hormones 'checkednormal'. Know what, I use epsom salts and baking soda to help the inflammation. Every topical.