#anyway this turned into a whole rant im sorry but im so mad bc i know for a FACT that a passport is a valid form of id

[kaidabakugou]

the new girl at one of my favorite bakeries called me pretty this morning and it literally melted all my stress away 🥺

[manchesterau]

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point. 

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore). 

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-' 

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll). 

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑 

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal). 

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end) 

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared. 

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*

[etherealino]

problems – lmh

synopsis: you would always have problems on minho’s girlfriends. that was until you realized you were the problem.

genre: college au. f2l. fluff, angst.

warning(s): cursing, you might cringe at how cliché this is

word count: 6,920 omg pls be proud

a/n: bullet point form. i’ll write in bullet point if i can’t seem to find it in myself to write in a whole ass paragraph form. bear with me, this is the first time im actually posting a full ass fic hdfbdfj for skz, that is. please dont let me flop thanks :<

you and minho are the very best friends

since high school

you don’t even remember how the two of you became best friends

all you remember is that one day, you’re laughing so hard at his jokes

and ever since that, you two were inseparable

whenever minho’s absent, you would be on the corner sulking

other kids would be offering you to come with them

but no you wanted minho :((

but you also didn’t want to be rude so you end up going with them

lmao you

but when you were the one who’s absent, minho would be pouting all day

he won’t talk bcs he wants you to be the one whom he tells his stupid jokes to

but he would go with the other kids too

but he would still be pouting

when you both graduated, you both went camping

went to the highest place you both know

watched the sunrise together

but now you two are in college

it’s also when minho started to go out

every month, different girl

minho would always introduce them to you

minho’s eyes would always light up as you and the girl would talk

and when she leaves

minho would ask for your opinion

but you always answered the same

“my opinion doesn’t matter, go date who you want to.”

and minho would always response the same

he pouts

you don’t know why either

but you would always just find a problem

in

each

and

every

girl

he

dates

one was kinda mean

one was possessive of minho

one eats loudly (do that in front of me and i’ll kick you to mars)

one was too snobby

one was too shy

and everytime

it’s always the girl who breaks up with him

and everytime you ask him, he would response the same

“we just don’t click” and then minho would smile

and here you are now, in jisung’s dorm

ranting on him about a girl minho is now currently dating

you sat on his computer chair as he sat on his bed

you were a bit shrunk down

arms resting on the armrest

on thumb on your teeth as you looked at the ground

“are you sure she’s the problem?” jisung asks

you looked up at him, an eyebrow raised in confusion

“who else would be? minho? minho does nothing but to please the girl. it was irritating to watch. i could slap the hell out of her.” you said

you weren’t a war freak

but with minho, you could go into war just for him

jisung chuckles. “not minho.” jisung says and then he points at you

“me?!” you said. “why me?”

jisung smiles, “how the hell do you manage to find a problem in each and every girl minho dates?” jisung asks. “i mean, so far the most stupid i’ve heard from you was the girl was too kind. seriously, y/n.”

“but it was true! she was too kind, it’s too irritating. and when you look at her do her good deeds, it doesn’t even seem sincere.” you ranted, glaring at the ground

jisung looks at you. “are you hearing yourself?”

“obviously,” you said, rolling your eyes

jisung giggles. “seriously, y/n. think about it. how the hell do you manage to find a problem on each and every single girl that minho dates?”

you sigh, looking at the ceiling

“i just want someone who would treat minho right. i want someone who deserves him.” you said

“and what kind of girl is that?” jisung asks

“the opposite of the girls he dated.” you answered, looking at him

“you?” jisung says and you just stared at him

“what are you implying?” you asked

“that you’re in love with your best friend.” jisung says

you stared at jisung, silence falling the atmosphere as jisung only smiles at you

you were unable to speak

you never thought of that

but no, you’re not in love with your best friend

you’re just shocked that jisung would assume that

the silent atmosphere was mixed with a tension

you don’t know what to say

you don’t know what to do

“HELLO, JISUNG!” hyunjin greets as he slams the door open

you blinked twice, standing up as you picked your wallet and phone from the computer desk

“oh, hi, y/n.” hyunjin greets with a grin. “what are you talking about? minho again?”

there are times when hyunjin would be with you and jisung when talking about minho

and being honest, jisung and hyunjin were the ones who you trusted the most

other than minho

but mainly about the minho fiasco

hyunjin and jisung looked at each other

jisung smiling at hyunjin and then hyunjin gets it

“oh, finally realized that you’re in love with minho?” hyunjin asked

and you grabbed a pillow from jisung’s bed, throwing it at hyunjin

“i’m not in love with minho. ew.” you said, dramtically shuddering

“deny it all you want, everyone could see it, love.” hyunjin says, winking at you

jisung laughs and you lightly punch jisung on the arm

“i’ll be going now.” you said with a sigh

“good night, y/n.” jisung says

“good night, mrs. lee—i mean, ms. y/l/n.” hyunjin teasingly said

you punched hyunjin on his arm as you past by him

he dramatically falls on his bed, clutching on his arm

“ouch!” hyunjin shrieked

“good night, boys. thank you.” you said

“anytime.” jisung says as he stands up and tackles hyunjin on the bed

you giggle lightly as you closed the door of their dorm

you turn to the direction of your dorm

and you immediately plopped into your bed since you were on your pajamas already before you left to go to jisung’s and hyunjin’s

you thought to yourself as you lay there

are you really in love with your best friend?

you shuddered at the thought and turned to your side

you see the cat plushie minho gave you on your birthday

you sigh as you hugged it

you close your eyes as jisung’s word repeated again and again in your head

“are you sure she’s the problem?”

nonetheless, you let slumber take you

for weeks you watched minho go around, pleasing the girl

you could see right through minho that he gets irritated by it

but still he faced you with a smile

you were mad

what riled you up the most is when you and minho were having lunch together and she rudely went up to minho to force him to do her homework because she has to go out tonight

i repeat, force

not ask

you see minho look at her blankly

you trust minho enough to know his self-worth

“i can’t,” minho says. “i have my own homework.”

“so? do it both.” she says and minho rolls his eyes

“i can’t. i have a lot on my plate right now.” minho calmly says and she rolls her eyes

“have a lot on your plate?” she repeats and then she turns to you. “why do you keep hanging out with her—looking time to hang out with her if you ‘have a lot on your plate’?”

“not here.” minho grits as he shakes his head

minho’s girlfriend rolls her eyes and leaves the both of you

you were stunned, but you were so irritated

you could feel minho’s eyes on you but you looked down at your food

“i swear, she used to be nice when we first started dating.” minho says, probably read through you that you were getting mad

“i’m not mad at you, don’t worry.” you said and a sigh leaves your lips

“i don’t even understand. she used to be really nice.” minho says with a sigh

“i never saw it.” you admitted and minho looks at you

“when you introduced me to her, all you did was try and please her so she wouldn’t get pissed or something. i knew it from the very start.” you said and minho nods

“why didn’t you say anything?” minho asks

“i told you, it’s your life. date who you wanna date.” you said. “you probably must’ve seen something in her that i didn’t.”

it was the first time you voiced out to minho that you have a problem with his girlfriend

should you tell him about the past ones as well?

eh, it doesn’t matter

minho nods, understanding your point of view

later that night, you crashed once again in hyunjin’s and jisung’s dorm

“just admit it, y/n.” jisung says. “you’re in love with your best friend.”

“i don’t have anything to admit because that is not how i feel.” you said and hyunjin snickers

“i never heard any other problem from but minho.” hyunjin says and you stare at him

“well, he’s my best friend.” you said with a pout

“whom you’re in love with.” jisung says and you sigh, shaking your head

then your phone dings

you look down to see minho messaged

“can we hang out? are you in your dorm?”

you immediately stood up from jisung’s computer chair

hyunjin’s and jisung’s eyes on you

but you stopped your movements

you stare at minho’s message, then towards you, particularly at nothing

“what is it, y/n?” hyunjin asks

and then another ding

“hey, where are you? i’m outside your dorm.”

most likely, it’s another breakup

you would lie to yourself when you say that you’re not tired of it anymore

you’d always run to your dorm just to see if minho’s alright

you’d always drop everything that you’re doing just for minho

even if he just woke you up at 3 in the morning

you typed a reply, hitting send as you sat back on jisung’s chair

“i’m sorry, i can’t, min. :( i’m in my friend’s dorm. she needs help with something.”

if you were being honest, you’d always drop any friend that needs your help just to go to minho

you locked your phone, putting it in silent mode as you placed it on jisung’s desk behind you

you turned to hyunjin and jisung who were curious at your sudden movements

“so how have you guys been?” you asked them

“what happened, y/n?” jisung asks

“nothing, it’s just, hyunjin’s right.” you said and hyunjin raises an eyebrow. “enough about minho, enough about me. how are you two?”

hyunjijn and jisung looked at each other with doubt in their eyes

but they thought it was good for you to take your mind off of minho, too

so, they talked

“i woke up with a big lizard on my head.” jisung answers

  the next morning you found out his girlfriend broke up with minho

it was the best for minho anyway

you hung out less with minho

but you still reserved lunch for him

but that was it

but it was also very hard

when minho happens to bump into you during your vacant

the thing you hate the most is most of your vacant is his as well

you only have one vacant that didn’t much with minho’s

so, you saved those time slots for minho

vacant periods and lunch

,,,,, and weekends

it was hard to avoid minho

you don’t even know why are you avoiding minho

so here you two are

saturday night after you both went around town to forget all the stress that college gives

you and minho were laying on your bed, bodies facing each other with an arm underneath your head, same with minho

watching three stooges

minho giggles loudly at one scene

“i remembered when you and i were messing around and then suddenly your index and middle fingers were coming for my eyes. i really thought you were going to hit my eyes.” minho says with his giggles that you love so much, your heartstrings tugging

what

“i got the trick from this movie.” you informed him and minho hums

“remember when i put chili in your—“

your eyes shifted on minho, seeing him with eyes close

breathing even

he was probably tired

he was the one who asked you to go out with him

but you were the one who got excited and drag him everywhere

minho was sleeping peacefully, the tv’s dim light was enough for you to see minho’s sharp features

unconsciously, but gently your fingers ran through his features

your fingers stayed longer on his lips

then your move your hand to his hair, brushing it back, revealing his forehead

he was fucking beautiful

you wanted to appreciate him, litter kisses all over his face as you cup his cheeks on your hands

but he wasn’t yours to appreciate

wait, fuck

oh, no

you are in love with your best friend

  you woke up, eyes fluttering open

how,,,

did,,,

you,,,

end,,,

up,,,

in,,,

minho’s,,,

arms ???

minho’s arm underneath your neck, your head pressed on the crook of his neck

minho’s other arm around your frame, your arm was over his torso and your legs underneath the cover were tangled with each other

only two things could be heard in this very quiet morning

(1) minho’s quiet snores

(2) your pounding heart against your ribcage

it wasn’t that you and minho never cuddled

you did, a freaking lot

but there was something in this very cuddle session

it’s probably because of the feelings that you’ve discovered last night

fuck it

you closed your eyes, snuggles further into minho’s touch

you should just drink these moments up and savor it while it lasts

because you know you’ll never have minho likes this just because you want to

because just like that, minho belongs to someone

but that someone is not you

for what felt like minutes, when in reality an hour and half passed

minho finally woke up

you immediately untangled your body from minho’s pretending you were still asleep and you just moved to the other side

you kept your eyes close as you felt minho stretch his arms and limbs

“y/n?” minho groggily calls and you feel minho’s hand on your shoulder

minho looks at you and sighs

soon, you felt minho pulling away but his head lays on the curve of your body

minho stares at the ceiling, not knowing what to do

until he hears and feels your stomach grumble

minho giggles, turning to you again

“hey, wake up.” minho says as he lightly shakes you

actually, you were just partially pretending to sleep

because you’re actually getting sleepy again

you groaned

“come on, you’re hungry.” minho says, grabbing your wrist

minho’s hand come under your waist, lifting your upper body up so you would sit

then you opened your eyes

“eeeeeeh, minhoooooooooo,” you whined, a pout finding it’s way on your lips

minho chuckles

you don’t know if you were still sleepy and it was just your imagination

or it really did happen

but you think you saw minho almost lean in to kiss your lips

“wake up or i’m throwing you.” minho says and you stick your tongue out to him

“come on, let’s get breakfast. i’ll pay.” minho says and you whine louder

minho sighs, a soft smile displaying on his lips as he sat on your bed, pulling you into his lap as he tucks your head in his neck

you frown a bit as you felt your heart pound loudly again

minho’s hand come up on your arm, running up and down

fuck feelings

you pull away from minho smiling at him as you stood up

you fixed your hair and grabbed your phone

“you go have breakfast,” you said as you opened your phone to see the time. “i remember i promise a friend i’ll help with a project around 8 in the morning and it’s now 9.”

minho pouts, but nods as he stands up

“you’re not replacing me with that friend, are you?” minho says as he lightly pinches your cheek with his index and middle finger in a teasing manner but you could see the fear in his eyes

you shook your head. “never, minho.”  you said with a soft smile

minho returns the smile, believing you

so you put your phone on your desk, going inside the bathroom to brush your teeth

luckily you have an extra so minho brushes his teeth as well

yes hygiene first

after, you grabbed your phone from your desk and wallet from your bag as minho grabs his things

you both went out of your dorm as you locked it

“bye, y/n,” minho says and he kisses your forehead

that’s the first time

it was probably because of the domestic-y theme you had since you both woke up

“bye, minho,” you said and starts walking to the opposite direction as you

you started to walk but you stopped, turning around

“min?” you called and minho turns around with a smile on his face, never leaving

his smile was contagious

you love it

“you know you’re my number one.” you said, smiling as you lightly tilt your to the side

minho chuckles, grinning at the ground

“and you know you’re mine.” minho says

you grin, extending your arm, pointing your index finger at him and winked at him

minho does the same and you turn around to go to your friend

which turned out to be jisung and hyunjin

yes, you lied to minho

because frankly, as much as you want, you don’t think you’re gonna last any longer with him acting like that

you arrived in front of jisung’s and hyunjin’s dorm, you knocked loudly

you waited and for another that passed no one answered

you knocked again, this time not stopping until it opens

when the door opens, it revealed a sleepy hyunjin

eyes half closed, hair ruffle with one ponytail to keep his bangs up

“what are you doing so early in the morning?” hyunjin mumbles

jisung groans as he presses his face into the pillow

“you two wanna get breakfast with me?” you said and hyunjin looks at jisung

jisung nods and stands up

“we’ll just go get change.” hyunjin says

“eh, don’t bother.” you said. “i’m in my pj’s, too.”

“yeah, everyone walks around in their pj’s. we’re in a compound of a university, no one will judge.” jisung agrees as he goes to the bathroom to probably brush his teeth

hyunjin whines and you roll your eyes

“you still look good even though you just got out of bed, jin.” you said

“r-really?” hyunjin asks and you look at him

he shoots a wink and you flick his forehead

classic drama queen, hwang hyunjin presses a palm on his forehead as he groans in pain

“yah—jisung, have you seen that?” hyunjin says as he momentarily looks at jisung’s way

you lightly giggle

a ghost of smile on hyunjin’s lips as he turns around from you to go brush his teeth

soon, the three of you strolled around the university’s compound

settling for a vintage dinner

as you can see i really love vintage lmao

just as you expected, the customers were students that are in their pj’s as well

you settled in one booth, hyunjin beside you and jisung across you

you all ordered and soon the food was on your table

“so, how’s the date with the boyfriend?” jisung asks in a teasing manner

“it was not a date and he is most certainly not my boyfriend.” you answered and pouted

“what’s with the pout?” hyunjin asks and your eyes remain on your lap

“you guys were right.” you mumbled

“with?”

“i’m in love with him.” you mumbled and you looked up at the two boys who just stared at each other

pretty soon jisung is sliding a cash towards hyunjin

“what’s that?” you asked

“i won,” hyunjin grins and jisung rolls his eyes

“with?” you asked

“we had a bet about you,” jisung says

“about?”

“how long will it take for you to admit it.” hyunjin answers

and you looked at them back and forth

“you made a bet about me?!” you exclaimed

and they both snort

“that’s okay,” hyunjin says

“you make bets about me, too.” jisung says

“and me.” hyunjin adds

you looked at them in disgust, jokingly

“so, tell us what happened.” jisung says

and so you did

everything that happened from last night up to earlier this morning

they both listened attentively

“he feels the same way.” hyunjin says after you told them the whole story

jisung nods, agreeing

“don’t be silly.” you said

“there are times when i see you with minho but you two seemed to be enjoying with just the two of you that’s why i never greet you when you’re with him.” jisung says

“shut up, we’re just really that close.” you said

“when you two are talking and then you both start to laugh, minho randomly grabbing your hand and lightly tugging at it excitedly?” hyunjin points out

“holding your hand when walking together?” jisung points out

“randomly hugging you out of nowhere as if he never saw you for thousands of years?”

“having his arm around you when crossing the road?”

“he never gets tired of you, too.”

“he’s also really clingy of you.”

“well, i’m clingy, too!” you defended

“but he can never stay away from you.” jisung says. “stop denying it, y/n.”

“but why is he dating other girls?” you asked

“that’s what you need to find out.” hyunjin says. “confront him before it’s late again.”

ever since hyunjin and jisung pointed things out

you realized, minho really is touchy towards you

but it wasn’t the kind where you get uncomfortable

it’s the kind where it makes you feel safe

but it always left you wanting for more

he wasn’t even like that with his girlfriends

just with you

for months, it went like that

minho didn’t introduce you to any girl for 3 months

you’re surprised yourself, but you know it’s not going to last long

and you know that when the time comes, it’s going to hurt this time

“hey, you okay?” the boy in your thoughts coming to life as he takes the seat across you

you only stared at him, cheek on palm, arm supporting your head, elbow on the table

so minho mimics you

you sigh and minho pouts

“hey,” minho says, reaching a hand out to your elbow. “you okay?”

you nod, dropping your hand to the table and minho is quick to catch it

he massages your hand and you smile at him

“what is it?” minho asks, his voice full of concern but still it makes you feel safe

“nothing, they just gave a lot of homework and it pissed me off.” you lied with a giggle

minho smiles, nodding

“i can help you if you want.” minho offers as he puts your hand softly on the table

“it’s okay,” you said. “the deadline is not even tomorrow.”

minho nods and you both let the comfortable silence take you in

you were lost in thought once more about the boy in front of you

you suddenly flinched when a cat jumped beside you

but you relaxed soon, patting the soft head of the feline

minho smiles at you as you got entertained with the feline

then you suddenly looked up, seeing hyunjin

you suddenly raised your other hand to wave at him with a grin on your face

hyunjin waves lightly, shooting you a wink as he gestured towards minho

you stuck your tongue out to him and he puckers his lips lightly as he giggles to himself

you smile as you watched hyunjin turn his back to you and walk to where he’s supposed to

“who was he?” minho asks, but you failed to notice the reluctance in his tone to ask

“hyunjin.” you answered as you kept on petting the feline

“hwang hyunjin?” minho asks and you nod. “you two seem close.”

“we are!” you said with a smile, but your focus is still on the cat

“how?”

“he’s my friend’s roommate.” you answered. “you know, my friend jisung?”

“oh.” minho says

you failed to notice how minho’s smile immediately wipe out of his face when you waved enthusiastically at hyunjin

when minho saw hyunjin wink at you

minho was just :|

was hyunjin flirting with you? minho could only sigh as he looks down, lost in his thoughts

  you knew there was something wrong with minho

he wasn’t as teasing anymore

he isn’t as smiley as he was

he isn’t as jokeful as he was

it felt like he was a whole new person

even though he never stopped hanging out with you, it felt like he wasn’t really hanging out with you

for a week, it felt like you were hanging with someone else and not minho

you just didn’t want to pry him into telling you with what’s happening

so you let him be for now

but after two days, you just can’t function properly without minho

by lunch, you immediately went straight to the cafeteria

you see minho in your usual seat

you were walking up to him

but you halted when you see a girl slid in on the seat you would always sit on

minho’s eyes lit up, smile wide as he looks at the girl

just great

it

hurt

so

bad

did minho purposely avoid you and have dated another girl without telling you?

he would always tell you about it even if they’re just a minute into the relationship

why was minho even avoiding you?

“y/n!” someone called and you turned around

with the call of your name, minho’s attention was grabbed

his eyes immediately were on you and the guy who called you

you looked down, as you looked at the books that your arms were hugging

you looked up to see hyunjin who had a wide smile

but it was immediately wiped out

“why-why are you crying?” hyunjin stutters and you immediately have a hand reaching to the corner of your eye

you were crying

hyunjin’s gaze shifted on what you were possibly looking at

then, he locks eyes with minho

hyunjin sees the girl who confusedly looked at minho and then follows minho’s gaze

hyunjin immediately grabs your books and grabs your wrist, dragging you somewhere

you see hyunjin heading for the dorms

and soon enough, hyunjin was opening the door of their dorm

hyunjin put your books on his bed, taking his phone out immediately to text jisung

after 15 minutes max, jisung enters the dorm and was quick to see you on his computer chair

“what happened?” jisung asks

“i just saw y/n crying and then when i looked at where she was looking before i came, i saw minho with another girl.” hyunjin explains

“i’ve anticipated it and prepared myself for it, but it just hurts so bad.” you said as you looked away from your friends

hyunjin and jisung slowly comes to you

“i was so confused when he became distant the week before, i was gonna go to him when i saw her sit with him.” you continued and they looked at you with sympathy

you pouted, tears streaming down your face as you think of minho with that girl

“l-let’s go out,” jisung stutters, not sure if it’s a great idea. “we don’t have classes anymore, do we?”

you and hyunjin shook your heads

“let’s take minho off that pretty mind of yours.”

  it…

was..

the..

worst..

everything

and i mean, everything reminded you of minho

everything that you two used to do

the arcade

you and minho would always play rock paper scissors on who would pay

the movie theater

you and minho would always go to it, but one of you would always end up sleeping

the samgyupsal places

you and minho have eaten in each and every samgyupsal place in town already

the ktv

every song that hyunjin and jisung selected were the songs minho would always yell sing his heart out to

hyunjin and jisung came into conclusion that going out was: useless

you, hyunjin and jisung were walking back to the dorms

when you passed by a convenient store

“hey,” you weakly said and they both looked at you

“you wanna grab some soju?” you asked them

it’s a saturday tomorrow anyway

,,,,,there’s no minho that would hang out with you

the thought of it makes you wanna curl up in a ball

right here, right now

hyunjin and jisung nods

and the three of you enter the convenient store to buy bottles of soju

luckily, you were bringing a large ass bag

so you were able to hide it as you entered the university

you said you would just go to your dorm to change into your pajamas

jisung offered to go with you

so you both went to your dorm

you changed into your pj’s and an oversized shirt

,,,,,which was minho’s

but jisung and hyunjin didn’t have to know that :)

you grabbed the cat plushie on your bed and jisung offers to bring the bag of soju

you both went to their dorm

then you waited for hyunjin and jisung as they changed into their own pj’s

they got some snacks

and then you three had finally had the first shot of the night, bumping your shot glasses with each other’s

you three talked about the most random things

a shot became two, then became three, then finally you don’t even remember anymore

you, hyunjin and jisung fell asleep on the floor

 you woke up with your head pounding, a knocking on the door making it worse

you, hyunjin and jisung were on the floor, circling around the bottles of soju

one arm was hugging your cat plushie

other arm was extended with your hand holding your phone

then the knocking started again

you winced, the pounding of your head getting worse than ever

jisung and hyunjin groaning

hyunjin rolled underneath his bed while jisung grabbed the pillow under his head and covered his head with it, trying to block the noise

you stood up, eyes squinting as you dropped your phone and plushie on the ground

you walked up to the door

your hand reached to the door knob, unlocking it and opening the door

minho was standing on the other side and before you could even process it was him, you were turning around to walk to hyunjin’s bed, thinking it was just jisung’s and hyunjin’s friend

you turn your head back as you realized it was minho

then you turned to him full body

“minho,” you mumbled. “what are you doing here?”

“we need to talk.” minho says.

“about?” you mumbled as you leaned on the door, hands playing with the doorknob

if only you and minho weren’t on a serious situation right now, he most definitely thinks that you’re cute

“the message you sent me.” minho answers and your eyebrows scrunch in confusion

you looked at your friends and then back to minho

wait, oh no

“jisung, hyunjin,” you called and the two giggled in a drunk way. “i’m giving the two of you an advice and that is, never fall in love.”

“does it hurt?” hyunjin says as he rests his head on your lap

“it does!” you giggled and jisung pouts at you as he pats your head as if you’re a dog

“i’m thinking,” jisung says

“that’s not good,” hyunjin teases as he gets off of your lap and you giggle

“the three of us should get a shared house, then y/n wouldn’t have to go back and forth to her dorm and ours.” jisung says and you clap, nodding

“yes! yes! let’s just stay together.” you said

“but you would leave your best friend all alone!” hyunjin says with a pout on his lips. “minho, right? yeah! at least say goodbye to him.”

“are we moving tomorrow already?” you asked and hyunjin shrugs, giggling

“let’s!” jisung says. “go say goodbye to minho, y/n!”

“okay!” you said

“pour everything! tell him how you feel and all.” hyunjin giggles and you grab your phone, stumbling over a bit

you dialed minho’s never that even despite you were inebriated, you still memorize it

you lay on your back, hugging the cat plushie on your arm

other hand is pressing the phone against your ear

you scoffed, “voicemail.”

“minho! my best friend. i just called to say that i will be moving tomorrow with my friends, jisung and hyunjin! it would be rude if i don’t say goodbye to my best friend which is you!” you giggled

even a dumb person would know that you’re drunk

“but i would like to confess, too. i am so in love with you. it hurts so bad to see you with that girl earlier today. i would always tell you that my opinion doesn’t matter, go date who you want, but honestly, i never, ever liked any single girl you’ve went out with.

“one is too rude, the other too possessive, the other one was too kind, the other one did nothing but still, i don’t like her! i didn’t even know why. that was until jisung and hyunjin told me that i am in love with you.

“i denied it at first, but when we were watching three stooges and you fell asleep, my heart beat so loud, i thought you were going to wake up on how loud it was. i realized then that i was in love with you from the very start.

“you know, if only you asked me out a long time ago, you probably wouldn’t have gone through lots of heartbreaks as you did. i would’ve tried to be the perfect girlfriend for you. i would never do anything to hurt you, you know. your last girlfriend was too rude. it was honestly irritating to watch you go around and please her.

“don’t feel guilty, though. you’re still my best friend, but i have to keep my distance from you for now.” by now, tears were streaming down your face. a soft sob left your lips and you clamped your hand over your mouth as you sob

“i’m so in love with you.” you continued. “but i’ll try to be over it as soon as possible. i hope your new girl treat you well. remember, you’re my number one, always.

“good night, minho.” you said and ended your voicemail.

you cuddled with your plushie and hid your face on it as tears streamed down

you feel jisung patting your head and hyunjin on your legs

you clamped your hand over your mouth, pushing the door, slamming it on minho’s face as you remembered everything last night

you sigh, putting your hands over your face

fuck, fuck, fuck, you fucked up big time

jisung and hyunjin groaned loudly but you didn’t care right now

“y/n, please, we have to talk.” minho says and you turn your back on the door, leaning against it

your hands on your face, frustrated as you don’t know what to do

“how’d you know i was here?” you asked

“i went to your dorm, but when you weren’t answering, i used the spare key you gave me and you weren’t there and i came here only to ask them where you are, but here you are.” minho answered

you feel like crying again

how could you be so stupid?

“minho, please, go away.” you said

“no, let’s talk about this. we have to talk about this.” minho says

“i don’t want to.” you said

“i’m not going away, y/n.” minho says

you pull your hands away to see jisung looking at you

“who is it?” jisung asks as he stands up

“minho,” you said and jisung walks up to you, grabbing your shoulders and rubbing them comfortingly

“y/n, please, let’s talk.” minho says and frankly, you could hear the desperation in his tone

“not now, please.” you said and minho sighs

“please?” minho mumbles

you shook your head, looking up at jisung

jisung’s eyes screams that you need to talk to him

“y/n, you have to.” jisung says

“but i don’t want to.”

“running away is not going to fix this.” jisung says as he grabs your shoulder, pulling you forward as he opens the door

he shoots minho a smile, which minho gratefully returns

“jisung, please,” you said

“y/n, talk to him.” jisung says and you shake your head. “he’s your best friend, what could go wrong?”

everything. minho could dump you and throw your whole friendship away

as if reading your mind, jisung says, “you’re important to him, he won’t throw your friendship out of the window just like that. okay? do what you should’ve done a long time ago. talk to him.” jisung says

your shoulders slump, giving up as jisung lets go of your shoulders

jisung pushes you gently of the door and smiles at you

he closes the door and you look at the ground

then, you felt minho turning you around to face him

he wraps you in his arms, placing your head on his neck

“i could never do that, you know.” minho mumbles and you just let him be

you didn’t move, you didn’t speak

you wanted him to go first

“you’re an idiot, y’know?” minho mumbles and you sigh, nodding. “she’s not my girlfriend, dummy.” minho says. “i don’t even know who she is, she was just asking if she could share the table and i agreed, i don’t want to be rude.”

“then why were you so distant these days?” you mumbled

minho pulls away and looks at you

“wanna know the real reason of my breakups?” minho asks and you sighed, nodding. “they kept on making me choose between them and you, naturally, i would’ve picked you.”

you looked down. “you know, if you really genuinely liked them, you could’ve just picked them and talk to me, i would’ve understood, y’know.” you mumbled

“listen,” minho says with a light laugh, cupping your cheeks as he made you look up at him. “the recent one hit me the most, though.”

“why?”

“she told me to stop dating everyone if my heart belongs to you.” minho says and you looked at him in pure confusion. “it won’t click if i keep on forcing myself to like someone else knowing it was you all along.

“for years, i kept on dropping hints that i’ve liked you for so long until it became deeper. but you didn’t seem to notice, so i started to date other girls because you only see me as a best friend and nothing more.

“but i was stupid, too. i thought you and hyunjin were flirting with each other and i got jealous that’s why i got distant.”

stupid minho, stupid you

equally stupid

“i’m sorry for hurting you all this time, y/n.” minho says and you look into his eyes as he looks into yours. “give me a chance and i promise i will never ever hurt you.”

“i’m sorry, too,” you said. “for being stupid.”

“that’s okay, i was, too.” minho says as he lightly laughs

you wrap your arms around his waist and minho kisses your forehead.

“so, what do you say?” minho asks. “will you be my girlfriend or should we go through another phase of denying our feelings?”

you giggle, looking down as a blush crept through your cheeks

“i think the best option is the first one.” you said as you look up at him and smile

minho looks at you as he places his hand on the your lower back

“can’t resist your number one, can’t you?” minho says teasingly as he looks at you with a smile

he shoots you a wink and you chuckle

“you really don’t know how wink, do you?” you teased and minho rolls his eyes

“can we please focus on more important things like me flirting with you?” minho asks and you laughed

“get to the part where you ask me if you can kiss me!” you said with a giggle and minho tries his best not to laugh, but he still grins at you widely

“well, can i kiss you?” minho asks and you nod

“by all means, go.” you said and minho leans in

you stare into his eyes as he gets closer

when he was an inch close, he pulls away

“are you sure?” minho asks, teasing you

“yes, now hurry up!” you said with a frown

minho leans in again, when your breath mingles

“are you really sure about this?” minho whispers

“more than anything,” you whispered back as you place a peck on his lips

minho smiles, looking at your lips as he dives in for a breathtaking kiss that you’ve been waiting to have

you pulled away lightly, your lips still brushing against his

but minho whines

you chuckle and minho takes the reins, not being able to take your teasing

minho kisses you on the lips, smiling against your lips as you do to

and soon, you two are grinning, making it hard to kiss

you look into minho’s eyes, smiling

“you really do hold the universe in your eyes.” you say as you have hand running up and down soothingly on minho’s back

“that’s your reflection, babe.”

omg, i hope that wasn’t so bad i was so scared to post this. thank you for reading, i hope you like it :(( uwu <3

[gayroytheory]

im sorry i don't want to turn this blog into an fma 03 rant blog but i saw you all talking about winry and i couldn't stop myself bc i really like her. ok so i genuinely hate how fma 03 fans claim that ed doesn't treat her well in mangahood and that he's better to her in 2003 when it's literally the excat opposite? in both versions at the beginning he tries to push her away and keep secrets from her for the sake of her safety and because he doesn't want to make her sad which is understandable despite it being a bad thing considering ed's over protective nature and his guilt complex. but the thing is, in mangahood, after learning that this only makes her more frustrated and angrier with him because no one wants to be kept in the dark, ed tries to become more honest with her. he asks for her input after he came back from xerxes, in the manga he gets so mad at himself when winry found out abt hughes' death and he feels bad for telling her abt it when he first learned the news. he tells her about how the military are using her as a hostage, and he trusts her and doesn't try to stop her when she plans the whole escape plan with scar. he goes through this whole arc and learns to not push her away and stop hiding things from her (at least most of the time). when he told her to leave the country she got upset with him bc it seemed like he didn't learn his lesson and that he wants to push her away again but he only did that because he's worried that she might die if he loses to father. in 03, he doesn't ask winry for her input at all, nor does he care. the only time he asked her was when al was going through his identity crisis (i do like that ed was the one who talked to al in 03 tho), winry literally tags along for the rest of their journey, they go to dublith and i forgot where else and YET they don't bother to explain anything to her at all? she's just tagging along without understanding what the hell is going on, and she literally doesn't do anything to move the plot. the only reason the writers made her tag along was to make her talk to ishvallans and find out that mustang killed her parents and that's it. and then she meets sheska and they go on this little journey that contributes nothing to the plot, and winry sees a monster who looks exactly like her best friends' fucking mom whom they sacrificed their fucking bodies to bring back and she recognizes and then forgets about it and doesn't think about telling ed about it? also in ed and winry's last encounter, the one where he dyes his hair the ugliest shade of green ever, he doesn't even tell her what he's planning to do. at least in mangahood, ed told her that the country is in danger. yeah he didn't tell her all the details, but i don't think it would makena difference bc winry is not interested in alchemy. OH also about her crying a lot, there's this scene in fma 03 where ed and al and winry were staying in this inn, and i forgot the exact details but winry just fell on her knees and started crying and told him that she wants to improve at automail just to help him carry on in his journey? it felts really weird to me bc it just happened after the blue. in mangahood something similar happened, but it was after finding out about the pocket watch and the memories of the brothers burning down their home just to carry on was what made her emotional and it's what inspired her to move forward to and become a great automail engineer. i love how they're both inspiring each other which i don't really see in 03. anyway this got so long i'm so sorry. i just needed someone to share this with and i agree with a lot of your opinions concerning fma. have a good day!

i love all of this, thank you for this good winry discussion. i dont have a lot to say because its very late here but you are right

[sapphosvioletts]

yeah little liho hates leaving me alone, as soon as i pulled out my laptop she was on me trying to sit down on it and watch what i was doing lol

I'm glad you woke up well little one!! i understand the neck thing lol all my cats do that all the time and I'm like "kinda gotta breathe hear guys" then i gotta put them down so they get mad and leave lol

you got any news on your comp dances yet dove?

~🕷

omg yes i sit up to do something and sarah NEEDS to be right on top of me lmaoo which i don't kind bc i love her cuddles but she always steps on my laptop or lap desk skdhsjsh

RIGHT she gets so annoyed and i feel so bad but like... sarahbear u aren't gonna have a mom anymore if she can't breathe fjdhskskdk

and i don't think so! we added on to our contemp on monday and this dance is going to break me istg lmaooo i have knee issues and if my knees aren't fucked up now they definitely will be skdhskshshsh and our teacher wants us to do around the worlds (uhh idk how to really explain them to non dancers but you know those turns you've probably seen on dance moms or something where they have their leg out to the side, those are called second turns. around the world are those but where you change your spot but you're spotting counter clockwise almost and changing your spot and you have to stay in plié the whole time. i hope that made sense skdhsj) but they are so hard for no reason 😭

okay sorry just went off on a rant about around the worlds, if there's any other dancers here pls share my struggles with these skdhsksh

i'm hoping to start solo this week but my teacher and i are still trying to decide on one song, we're in between two songs and im too indecisive to choose one skdhskshsh

anyways how are you???

[cirilee]

i just found a text my browser had saved on a word count website, and i apparently typed it last november while being sad - i just wanna have a place to post it, and it explains why i was gone for most of may through november last year.

if you’re interested, u can read, it’s basically just a long long long vent and i wanna save it somewhere :’)

(and if you wanna, you can tell me what u think of the whole thing, maybe share if something like that happened to you too, because man, this whole thing was WEIRD for me)

bottom line is: i’m much better now and have way better friends then back then and in general, i’m a pretty happy person again^^

My parents and me had been fighting a lot the past years. I still love them. For a while though, it was just shouting matches between us. We weren't really speaking to each other throughout january 2019 until april 2019, so i wasn't informed by them that they were planning to mOVE OUT. And the place they wanted to move to only had enough space for 2 people. now my brother and me had 3 months total to find and finance our own flats. i was desperate. 2 months i unsuccessfully searched for a job or a flat or a way to make a deposit for said flat, without any saved up money. an old school friend offered to move out together. i only saw him once every month for group activities. he was nice, but we also had a bit of a history. 3 years ago he had acted kinda scummy and tried to get me to be his girlfriend because "he couldnt find anybody else” - ending in a "movie night with friends" that turned out to be a trap, where the only one spending the night was me because he only invited me. creepy. he apologized and i forgave him and we were chill and it was normal between us. i realize now, that i should have just left him out of my life at that point. but time was running out, so i gave in and asked myself "whats the worst he could do. i’ve known this person for 12 years and the he's part of my friend group" we set up basic rules, how we would pay for stuff, etc. .. we moved in. it seemed fine. then i noticed that he talked A LOT. and he wanted A LOT of attention. after a day of working on my diploma or working at my job, he would assert himself in my room and try to engage in smalltalk. i am not the hermit type. i engaged with him, i joined in on his conversation. but when i was already tired he wouldn't accept "i'm gonna go to sleep". there was always something else he needed to talk about. I was trying to make clear to him that i needed alone time too, but no matter how honest i was, the message either didn't seem to stick, or he'd get upset and start asking me if i hated him. With that, i could have kept up with in the long run. Then he started knocking on my door. even when it was already late and i already told him i was gonna go to sleep. Repeatedly knocking on my door. At some point he just opened the door. It was 1am. I pretended to sleep. I could hear him breathing, it sounded angry. He eventually closed the door. The next morning i confronted him. He argued it away as him trying to warn me that he was going to take a shower, so that i wouldn't use the bathroom. He started commenting on how i wasn't funny enough around him. in that friend group, i'm the funny one :c. but i cant keep up that energy 24/7 (this was supposed to be a home, not a free neverending standup act, for this one guy). that confused him. the next day he asked me if i had depression. My parents had given me a griller/toaster as a parting gift (there’s a backstory for that too but anyways) my flatmate ALSO had that same toaster. He demanded we make up our minds which one to keep. i didn't understand why this was important to him and i hated discussing this useless topic with him so i stored the toaster in my room. He repeatedly suggested i throw mine away (?). One evening i got hungry and decided i'd make myself a toast in my room. So i made some toast. Suddenly he bursts in. And he starts ranting. "why are you doing this are you CRAZY you cant TOAST in your own room thats DANGEROUS you're gonna start a fire, don't ever do that again, we have a KITCHEN for that. why don't you want to use the kitchen you cant just HIDE from me every day, this is OUR flat  and i want us to live TOGETHER!" He didn't stop talking and it overwhelmed me, so (this is embarrassing, but) i actually started crying and i turned away from him so i could try to control myself. and he just started babytalking me "awww its alright i didn't mean to scare you, but you see, you shouldn't have done that". he tried putting his arms around me, i told him to stop. "you need a hug right now" ...... i was so angry i think my brain might have short circuited because the next hour was me just acting the whole way through. i told him everything he wanted to hear. i was so sorry for almost burning the house down and made up some explanation that my parents were still making me sad, so i needed distance. The next big thing involved one of my best friends. she wanted to spontaneously go out for an evening. so i put on some pants and of course: HE appears in my room, asking where i'm going. i was surprised by the question and just answered "going out with Lina" he left it at that. then suddenly: "can i come too?" He threw me off with that question. Lina had said she needed some advice on personal stuff, so I said "no" because i didn't have a better answer. he got ANGRY. i explained. "Lina wants some privacy, i'm sorry" He starts arguing that Lina is just as much his best friend, and that he should be allowed to hear what she wants to say to me. Before i can reply he slams his door shut. "Don't even try to explain yourself", he says. I told my friend while meeting up with her and she began with the sympathetic "you should have said yes" and we argued about it and then she came out with this absolutely horrifying sentence: "you know how he is. you cant be *too* honest with him. he's sensitive. you need to lie to him so he doesn't get mad" it was as if i'd been splashed with cold water. i said i didn't agree with that. that that was actually unfair to HIM. nobody likes being lied to and treated less than. she called him, told him i was gonna apologize and he showed up with the angriest expression i ever saw in his face. he accused me of being depressed and that he now has the burden of my mental issues to bear. This he assumed because one night i told him about me dissassociating sometimes a few years ago. Then he wanted me to promise i would never leave him, because he's afraid i won't be able to pay my part of the rent. the crowning moment was my friend Lina mostly agreeing with him and both of them berating me for not having my life together because i still hadn't managed to find an open-ended contract job, only limited-time jobs. at the end he justified himself by saying he cant stand my parents phoning me. (at that point they had started calling me everyday and showed genuine concern ... i was trying to reform a bond with them) - apparently he resented that. he knew about my parents disciplining me with face slaps as a kid (when i was 9-11 yrs old) (they feel bad about it, and they they stopped doing it fairly early) in that moment my flatmate chose to tell me ..... (hoo boy i need to get ready to type this) .... "i'm concerned about you. if your father would ever beat you, i would beat him  to a bloody pulp" then he repeated "i would beat him/kill him" a few times, VERY agitatedly. it was scary and at that point i was numb. i didn't really respond, i just said "its fine" or something to that extent. the  thing that made me decide to move out (although certainly among many that followed that night) was this: one morning i informed him i was going to visit my parents that weekend. we had started talking again (as i mentioned before and i wanted to meet them without fighting for once). he says "but you're coming back, right". i say "of course don't be so nervous". i go to work. i get a LOT OF texts from him suddenly. i skim through it. he's mad about me calling him "nervous". i don't reply/read bc i am at work. Then he actually CALLS me. i don't pick up.  now i'm thinking: What is so  important, that he has to call me during work.  there's a 4 paragraph essay in my inbox. "watch your mouth", "you have no right to speak that way to me", "you should have more respect". he was mad i called him nervous. i responded that i don't have time to reply. he argued back. at one point i said "if i cant even call you nervous then i'm ACTUALLY gonna stay with my parents" he fiNALLY didn't reply to that. after a 10hour day i come home. i wanna shower. i go to my room, close the door and start undressing myself. of course, there's knocking on my door. i say "No" he flips out. i calmly tell him i'm only half dressed. he flips out even more, says i'm a horrible person who WANTS to fight because my "no" wasn't a good enough answer and i should have explained in full detail why he couldn't get in. he was actually SERIOUS. this was his reasoning for flipping out. he goes away. not even a minute passes by and he hammers his fist against my door again. "OPEN UP THIS TIME I *HAVE* TO COME IN" at this point i'm beginning to get kinda scared  so i say "come in" He comes in and says he needs me to disconnect with the wifi because he needs it for his work. i calmly say "ok" and disconnect my wifi. he goes away, leaves the door open. i stand up to go and close my door. HE ACTUALLY GOES AND PULLS AGAINST ME TO TRY TO PRY IT OPEN AGAIN. eventually he lets go and then he flips out FOR REAL. he starts screaming about how i'm a psycho, and that im crazy and awful and he has been nothing but nice and that he "saved" me and i haven't been thankful enough.

.... ..

yes, i was in a difficult position. but that flatmate arrangement was made on even ground. he had wanted to move out from his parents for years. i fled and left. called my parents, but they were miles away and laughed it off. i would have probably too. i called my friends. Lina offered to come and mediate. He continued screaming even with Lina there. It culminated with him roaring at me, pointing at the door saying "if you don't like how i treat you, there's the door, leave right now" with lina replying "don't say that, you NEED her money to pay rent!" it was awful, and an eye-opener. the next day, on the way to work, i decided i was gonna move out. and before i could tell him, i get a message from him (!). An ultimatum. he tells me i have 3 options. 1) leave immediately and take my stuff away within a week. i wouldn't have "pay any more than i've already payed" (it was the first day of that month and i had already payed my rent. nice) 2) stay for half a year, but immediately pay him something so that he knows i'll stay 3) stay indefinitely, but set up a " bevahiour contract" with him, so this "never happens again" i told him i'd take option 1 and then i stayed over at a friends house. then at a friends shared appartement. then at dormitary and soon i'm gonna move in with my younger brother. we've been estranged a bit but grown closer through this whole thing. now Lina and him are still friends and lina blames me for "everyone in our friend group" being mad at him. one of her first concerns, was that her birthday parties are gonna be weird now. i am completely done with her as well and don't want her in my life anymore. according to her, I left him with a rent he cant pay  and i should feel bad for that. except i dont. should i though?

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 15

death awaits!

oh god the cover. I aint ready 

the cover of overlords open mouth w/rodimus floating inside or w/e,,,,the overlord mouth fixation continues i see

and of COURSE its by nick roche. of course

oh god the tension and dread in the first page, as we get overlords sinister promise to murder everyone, starting with rewind, and then seeing chromedome rush over to open the door, and knowing that 30 minutes have passed already...

that full page spread of everyone vs overlord is amazing

also I always thought that ambulon was trying to kick overlord but now that I look closer he’s actually jumping away from overlord, having just crashed one of those hover...thingys....into him...which is honestly cool as hell. also I'm never over the fact that ambulon kinda looks like he’s smiling here, just having a grand ole time as overlord tries his best to murder everyone

and chromedome just seeing this and saying ‘rewind?’ is fucking killing me thanks

PIPES NO DONT DO THIS. YOURE JUST RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUND. PLEASE don't talk about how much fun you're having on your wacky space adventure oh god, that’s just asking to be murdered,

GOD AND THERE HE GOES, DRIVING TO HIS DOOM. PIPES NO

AUGHHHHHHHHHH AND THERES OVERLORD WITH HIS GIANT FOOT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PIIIIIPES ;_; 

his messed up goodbye thoughts are brutal...plus the final shot of him laying all busted up....god :( 

that guy seriously had some awful luck this trip. rip lil guy

BUT he sounded the alarm!!! so good for him!! that's a pretty amazing final act right there

oh my god I forgot abt this scene where rewind is like ‘so brainstorm why is my husband saying your name in his sleep :))))’ and brainstorm is like ‘haha idk its certainly not because we’re working on a secret project together, so jot that down!’ lmao brainstorm....

also dw rewind brainstorm is not fucking ur husband, just look at his evidentially extensive collection of perceptor-style microscopes...my man is microscopesexual 

I forgot abt the metabomb omfg

‘some of my favorite words are monosyllabic’ rodimus ily, himbo of my heart,

fort max :( rung :( 

oughhghghg I forgot abt the scene of tailgate making cyclonus a new horn ;_; and then cyclonus materializes menacingly bc tg dared to volunteer their room for movie night hvbfshdjkfbaskj cyclonus anti-social icon

AUGHHHH GOD THE PANEL OF RATCHET TALKING ON THE COMMS AND OVERLORD IS JUST, RIGHT BEHIND HIM, WITH HIS BIG STUPID LIPS, OH MY GOD

what the fuck, is drift a flying car??? hello??? what the hell????

seriously he’s got like, rockets and shit, what the fuck

anyways, the entire exchange b/w ratchet and drift here kills me, for multiple reasons.... ‘my faith and my sword’ lmao love it. and then ratchet refusing to leave drift and calling him his friend ;_; aughhh

rodimus w/the squad like ‘lets go gays!!!’ 

also I guess cosmos WAS on the lost light lol, totally didn't remember that, I'm guessing he left at some point to go be in the other series lmao 

I'm sorry but ‘amazing. you speak entirely in name’ is so fucking funny, but also like stfu overlord you're not allowed to be funny

MAGNUSSSSSSSS

now I'm confusing myself lmao, rodimus DID know abt overlord, didn't he??? wasn't that the whole thing???? I don't remember if he was involved w/the whole mnemosurgery plan but he at least knew that overlord was there...but we haven't been told that in-story yet so now I'm questioning that lmao

oh god I forgot that overlord almost kills magnus, jeeeeesus. good thing he’s a russian nesting doll otherwise he probably would've died fr 

also damn that's gotta be scary for everyone else, bc magnus is The Big Guy, and a renown fighter...plus drift got all fucked up...yall are in for a bad time 

tailgate gettin his panic on I see

swerve w/the meta narration lmao 

cyclonus ily sm.......

rodimus charging at overlord....ohhh my boy not your best idea

cd and rewind both saying ‘I thought you were dead!’ HHHHHHHH I'm destroyed fuck it all

rodimus (inadvertently) saving the day by saying ‘til all are one’...iconic!!

FORT MAX IS HEREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

drift just casually chillin w/no legs

chromedome going into extreme detail about all the mnemosurgery he’s been doing on overlord for WEEKS while rewind is Right There....my dude.

this issue has a LOT of completely white backgrounds but I cant even rlly blame milne bc this seems like more drawing work than usual

oh god cd don't say ‘we’ll finish this conversation later’ at a time like this, that’s never a good idea,

rewind no don't do it :( :( :( 

that panel of cd’s arm getting cut off...AUGHHH

GODDDDDDD IM FUCKING CRYING. AUGHHHHHHHHHHH I.....

so incredibly fucked that cd does what’s best for rewind by blowing the pod up....hhhhh god 

and then that last panel of cd laying on the ground....fucking destroy me!!!!!!!!

also I love that at the beginning of the issue we see whirl with the missile launcher thing, and that’s what cd uses at the end here....good bookends. jro is really great about putting stuff in the story that just seems like innocuous filler/fun character building but turns out to ALSO be plot relevant later

HOLY SHIT I forgot about the cast page with the big red X’s thru the dead people’s profiles....jesus christ 

AUGH this issue was a rollercoaster, phew...and the emotionally devastating conclusion to this arc is still yet to come! 

I will say that it’s super interesting looking back on this, in the sense that rewind & chromedome are introduced as the first ever gay tf couple, and a few issues after we get told this explicitly, rewind is killed. this doesn't really end up being an issue representation-wise bc literally everyone is gay and there are a bunch of other significant gay characters/relationships later on, AND rewind comes back later 

but still! it’s interesting to think about how, at the time this came out, the phrase/concept ‘bury your gays’ wasn't really something that was talked about a lot (or like, it was, but not as often as nowadays, and not really under the term ‘bury your gays’ iirc), but at the time of publication this would have fallen under that trope (though rewind coming back later negates it imo). I think it would've been tough for this story to come out nowadays due to the backlash that would've occurred from rewind’s initial death (it also makes me wonder if there was any backlash when this DID come out) 

to be clear, this isn't a writing criticism - in fact, the reason this is able to work at all is because of the crazy amount of representation mtmte has. it’s like, youre able to kill off gay characters without it being ‘bury your gays’ if literally all your characters are gay by default, and there are a bunch of significant gay relationships happening - technically speaking, any death in mtmte is bury your gays lmao 

this is a completely disjointed rant but my point is like, if this issue came out in 2020 people would probably be pretty put off by rewind dying (understandably), but in the context of the series as a whole I don't consider this to be bad writing/bad representation/bury your gays 

and like, WERE people really mad about this in 2013? I am curious now, bc I would definitely feel kinda betrayed if I didn't know all the stuff that happens later 

but its pretty nice, because now I'm free to enjoy the writing and be emotionally devastated by rewinds death in a normal way, and not a ‘I'm angry at the writers for killing off one of the only gay characters’ kinda way

anyways I'm tired as hell so I'm going to bed, ill continue the emotional devastation later, phew

[caandlelit]

so theres this girl in the grade below me right??? im Kind Of friends with her bc i saw her and i was like Fuck shes beautiful so obviously i made friends with her really lesbian bts stan friend but didnt have the Balls to start up a friendship with her bc shes beautiful and lovely

so now im super good friends with bts stan lesbian alright . shes chill and we’re tight now. but tragically ive only reaLLY talked to hot girl Once when me and her and lesbian bts stan talked abt taylor swift and other music and i found out her favourite song off of lover is cornelia street and i listened to it on loop since then. this was when lover came out. meaning Months ago

and now i stare at her pathetically from a distance daily and occasionally she graces me with a smile of acknowledgement. im really really tragic ok like

the other day i was talking to lesbian kpoppie (sorry, aRMY) in front of her and after i was done talking to her i turned around and saw her and swallowed the lump in my throat and said ‘h-hey’ and she was so fuckwkdjfhgd. Hot ok. her hair was in twin ponytails for some fucking reason????? its usually open but that day it was tied in twiN PONYTAILS and i was like wHAT THE FUCK and i couldnt speak

 so i blurted out ‘your hair looks really good today’ could i get gayer at this point. ‘looks good’ fUCk off thats so fukcing gay of me ‘looks good’ thats REALLY GAY and she was just like ‘thanks lmaoo <33′ and her smile im 😌🥰🤡

shes just so beautiful ok im . fuck

but the only reason im holding out a hope at this point is bc !! shes bffs with a lesbian man maYBE shes like bi or something !!!!! 

so im talking to some other girl from her grade bc i have a free class and so do some people from her grade (including her!!!!)

and she comes over at some point bc she knows us both

so i start being funnier alright its the obvious reaction and im always more confident when theyres someone else there too

and shes laughing so much and shes so cute and pretty im ,,,

and then we’re talking abt music ok and hot famous people??? and hot girl rants abt how Godly zendaya is for like a minute so im like !!!!!?????

and im being really fuckin funny other girl has her laptop out bc she was writing some essay or some shit and shes looking up pics of celebs we’re talking abt and im being fUNNY she searches bella hadid and i take the laptop and change bella to gigi and give it back and go ‘fixed it for u lol’ and hot girl laughs for a minute an dim swooning

and then other girl opens up a picture of the weeknd and i dIDNT KNOW WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE so i go ‘who the fuck is that’ and hot girl loses her shit and shes so hot and other girl gets so offended and shes like iTS tHe wEEkeND and i go ‘oOOOO FUCK THAT GUY !! nO fuckiN WONDER i didnt know who he was he fUCKIN SUCKS’ and hot girl is basically crying shes so hot bruh i felt like id ascended 🥴

and she was like ‘same i Hate him’ in between laughter and i was like ‘shes the love of my life’ and other girl gets so offended shes sO mad and im on a roll i go ‘well i mean God i was rIGHt in hating him and his Shit music if he looks like tHAT’ and she fc7djsing gets up and leAVES and hot girl immediately takes her place and we talk for ages

we talked for like the whole hour we were both free we talked till literally school ending it was the last few classes anyways

but in between our bonding during which we became great friends and i fell slightly in love with her

she mentioned that she was straight

and like . she talks like a hip twitter stan and . id been hoping she was bi . 

but she was, in retrospect, obviously a chill and very hot ally who was Fantastic but was tragically only attracted to men like She Said That and i literally said out loud ‘well thats a fucking crime what the fuck’ and she laughed but id already gone through all the stages of grief,,,,,,,, like we can be friends but ,,,,,,,,,

i was laying it on thick after that i was straight up flirting with her by the end of the convo like she hUGGED ME before she left and i told her she smells nice and she giggled and said she doesnt know how to respond to compliments and her smile is. the only reward

im gonna be crying abt how shes straight for like a month,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,im gonna become a songwriter and im Only gonna write abt how she makes me wanna be a butch but also makes me weak and no thoughts head empty only worship the beautiful girl

so anyways rant over im in mourning peace out <3

[waterlivies]

so idk if this is rate or rank but the skam espana girls in comparison to the originals vs other remakes (like what you think they did well, what they could have done better)

i had this whole ass rant about viri and amira but my phone just SHUT DOWN im mad im so mad

viri/vilde: viri is the superior vilde no none of u can’t change my mind. when i first watched og i didn’t really care about vilde as well as the other vildes but with viri things had a turn bc i HATED her, she betrayed eva and did her the worse imo it make it harder for me to forgive her but the squad did then idc. but then s2 came along and she just made my heart go 💘💖💓💞💗 and then s3 was the death for me, i deceased. even tho i wish we could’ve gotten to see her whatsapp chats, a close up on her family/economic situation, her MENTAL HEALTH OHMY no i’m not over it, actual loml, im a sucker for character development

amira/sana: sana is my main girl, my favorite in the og and in general, no one does it like her. even tho amira naybet is a baby and i cannot wait for this (the best, i predict) sana season. there are some mistakes in the og i gotta say but nothing compares to the remakes, im so tired of it since in the end every remake does sana so damn dirty in her own season (amira from druck had like 7 eps and then everyone stole her spotlight, just no/imane... honey no, that was... no, u did not deserve that/italian sana just doesn’t get to me and yasmina... idk yet). another complain i have is that og sana was a badass from the start til the end but the other girls just went a bit soft after s1 which isn’t a bad thing necessarily but it was sana’s essence, her soft side is just for the girlies🥺 anyways amira deserves the universe and skames better give her that and more thank u

eva v/eva m: eva v has a especial place in me since it was the first character related to the skamverse that i ever watched. in 2016 i saw like 3 eps of the og s1 but then the file that contained the eps just disappeared and i gave up. then 3 years later youtube suggested me skames first season out of nowhere. i liked the changes but it was a bit strange, it got better in s2 tho, the entire team behind skames production had an upgrade on that. eva m is a dorky and savage bean and im satisfied with her remakes, i don’t really have any complains. s1 is a very special season for me since i relate a lot to the storyline, eva finding herself back in the end is something beautiful, eva v did it great

nora/noora: everytime i think of nora i remember the ‘why noora with two o’s?’ s1 is the season i relate the most but when it comes to character, noora is the one. nora might be my favorite remake as well, the other remakes are fine but they just seem a bit less realistic TO ME since they all live by themselves at 16/17 but i get it, it’s all about culture and stuff, that doesn’t take away the fact that they would fight a bitch 25/8 truly legends. españa’s s3 was so powerful, hated miqu*l and hurted for nora, but it was necessary, the fact that the writers put all william’s toxic personality and behavior into another character and showed us how things should be done is *chef kiss*

cris/chris: my girl got what she deserved in this remake since i’ve always wanted og chris to develop at least one storyline i mean NOW WE HAVE A WHOLE DAMN SEASON AND A WLW ONE we love to see. i get that some people don’t count her as an isak and i actually picture her more as a chris but that does NOT take away the fact that she is INDEED an isak and we got to see her finding her FEMALE even NO I WONT LISTEN TO THE ANTIS NO MORE, loved the fact that it was purely the girl squad what we are watching since they’re the mains even tho i love the boy squad too. my complain with the other remakes is that, how i said in the start, none of them have an actual storyline and are just there, i hate to see them kinda left out. in france we got to see more from alexa and she’s amazing but s5 did her dirty as well (shocking). i didn’t really loved the idea of skames hiring a skinny actress tho, talking about the actress, no i don’t support irene’s behavior yet that doesn’t influence my love for her character.

this is a bit too much sorry, i love this girl squad way too much😳

[sevngmin]

college!seungmin

ok so

my friend made a thread(im not able to link it as her account is private) of skz as students at my college

and then i saw another thread of skz as college students

so here i am

major: law

club: photography

used to shoot his pictures on his dslr in auto mode until he joined the photography club,,, which fellow member hyunjin scolded him for

let’s be honest,, seungmin is that one boy in your major that everyone has a crush on

(you’d better be lying if you said you never have had an eye candy/crush on him before)

he came to school once with his hair up and every girl in his class wanted to set the school on fire bc that’s not the content they signed up for

and has his hair up more often,,,

not in a bad way tho bc he takes pride in dressing up for school sometimes and when people praise him for it he gets a lil blushy and goes (*^▽^*) thankuuu!!!!

if you’re in a project group w him you’re in luck bc seungmin always is super nice to his teammates and offers to lunch over work

(and also has his hair up for presentations,,, double oof)

sPeaking about presentations there was once he was looking especially fine while presenting about criminal law

and people were sneakily snapping pics of him

poor boy got so blushy he stuttered so much :(

honestly too nice to mark people down for peer evaluation but when they’re blatantly not doing work he’d not hesitate to give them a zero

you’d wouldn’t want to see him angry too esp when he hardly gets mad

meanwhile, you on the other hand,,, not so much

you have had your fair share of shitty teammates and you couldn't take it anymore

like,, have you been too nice to people for them to tell you to “just chill” when you get mad???? for legitimate reasons???

you just don’t get it

anyway

you and seungmin are friends bc he was your classmate since freshman year

and is the only one who you are somewhat familiar with in this year’s class

tbh you never really saw seungmin as someone more bc you two are kinda close and after you know him he gets kinda dorky its cute

like yeeeeeaaaaa sometimes you inevitably have the teeny tiny crush on seungmin but its no biggie

you guys are like close?? but not rlly bc seungmin has his own group of friends and you have your own

you are close with hyunjin but that's only bc y’all are on the dance team and besides, he’s in another major

seungmin always sits beside you in classes people think you’re his gf or sumn

but the people in the same class knows y’all are not bc you were the only one who snorted(too loudly) when seungmin knocked his head on the table while falling asleep in a tutorial

all the girls wanted to murder your ass for it tbh

seungmin is kind of your therapist in a way in which he lunches with you often and listens to your rants

be it about the iced chocolate in the cafeteria being watered down too much or standing on the crowded morning bus

seungmin is always that listening ear no matter what

quote hyunjin; “you should start charging her for listening to her rant about the school’s budget for the tenth time this semester”

also you; “i should start charging you for constantly making me stay back to watch you go over that same routine and song over and over again after practice.”

touché

moving on

honestly you weren’t looking forward to this year’s class bc the people in class r rlly gossipy and known for talking shit about others

but i mean,, you’re in school to get that degree,,, and not deal w shitty people right

WRONG

when the tutor assigned groups for a group project you were thanking the high heavens that seungmin was in your team

and as the team leader

so that no free-riders go to your team

it’s the week of submissions and there’s this member that kept giving excuses for not doing her part in the group report

and hence you had to do it because her parts were closely linked to yours and without her parts, you couldn't start on yours

seungmin had to help out too bc he feels obligated to as the team leader

and also feels bad??? bc he knows how you’ve been dealing w shitty people and now its another one

you honestly just want better people tbh

so like you just really couldn’t take it and went up to her face during lesson and said,

“hey if you’re not doing work i’m asking seungmin to boot you out bc you’re not doing your work”

nd she had the audacity to say,

“i did my work???? wdym”

aka write her name on the cover page

(and even spelt it wrong smh)

you rolled your eyes and huffed,

“i’m telling seungmin to boot you out, find another team.”

she just laughs maniacally which scares you, until she regains her composure and goes

“what? has sucking seungmin’s dick gotten to your pea brain?”

(that was so crude im sorry)

and she said it so loud the rest of your classmates could hear and started murmuring amongst themselves

you were appalled at her words, speechless as you could feel your blood boiling

“i must be right huh,” she scoffs, turning her attention back to her phone, “sucking up to the pretty boy to get good grades, how low.”

you really wanted to slap the living life out of her

before you could do so, seungmin slammed his hand on the table, shocking everyone

“you’re the one to speak, who did nothing but to put her name on the cover page of the report, and to the point of spelling it wrong,” seungmin seethed, which made you honestly scared of him

he stood up with his laptop and cancelled her name in front of her eyes, then pushing you behind him, “as of now, you are not part of our group. if i ever hear you bothering any of my groupmates, i will not hesitate to report this to the course head. i hope i made myself clear enough.”

you could see the fear in everyone’s eyes, as it was the first time that they saw him genuinely get really really mad at someone

the girl ran out of class crying, as you slumped in your seat, mind still unable to wrap around how she was so rude to you, hands visibly shaking

“are you okay?” seungmin asked, eyes now dripped with worry, contrary to his anger-filled eyes just moments ago

“yeah, i guess.” you bit your lip, opening up your laptop, “thanks, for standing up for me.”

“a frown doesn’t look good on you,” seungmin commented, “just smile now, hmm? it’s all over, and you don’t have to deal with her again.”

you look over at seungmin, whose brown eyes were still staring at you

you gulped, crimson tinting your cheeks as you looked away and faked a smile,

“yeah yeah, thank you for saving me, prince seungmin.” you teased to hide the blush on your cheeks

and weirdly after this incident seungmin has been kinda protective over you???

like offering to drive you to school

eating lunch with you more often

offering to drive you back home

basically sticking to you the whole time in school

not that you were complaining, seungmin has even been more affectionate?? kinda

sending you good morning and goodnight texts

smiling more often around you and laughing at your lame jokes,,, when normally he would just stone at them

to the point when your friends started asking if you and seungmin were dating,,, bc he just stuck by you almost every breathing second you’re out of your house

you had to keep telling them no until one day,,,,,, you confronted seungmin

as soon as you got into seungmin’s car, you asked,

“why are you doing this?”

“doing what?” seungmin laughs, stopping at a red light

“this.” you deadpanned, “driving me to school, driving me back, being so close to me, everything. we’re not dating or in a relationship either, so why?”

seungmin turned to you, looks at you dead in the eye and presses a kiss to your forehead, which brings heat to your cheeks

“you’re awfully dense for a law student, aren’t you?” he smiles, diverting his attention back on the road, “if that didn’t make it obvious already, that i like you.”

“h-how can you say that so casually?” you stuttered, burying your cheeks in your hands, “that’s not sincere enough.”

seungmin stops at another red light, then presses a kiss to your lips, and you were pretty sure your cheeks were hot enough to cook eggs on them

“is that better?” seungmin bit his lip, obviously shy at what he just did skskskskskskks

and you do say yes

cute

when he tries to be smooth and all but his face just gives his inner emotions away

you turn up in school holding seungmin’s hands from then on

and all the girls cried for a week straight

[daeneryses]

so

here’s what i think abt the episode

it wasnt as BAD as it seemed it would be but that doesnt mean it was good but my expectations were so fucking low that i could sort of enjoy it. 

but well lets unpack that shit

it began alright, the funeral was emotional, not much to be done there i suppose. jon’s speech was good. nothing spectacular. 

then the feast, which was also okay. but here begins one of my most serious concerns. what the fuck is up with sansa? in past episodes i could see her point, the north has been betrayed too much, it has bled too much, and southern rulers don’t quite get the north. but at the feast she was straight up dropping attitude towards dany, like damn girl aren’t u supposed to be a diplomatic figure in order to be a political mastermind? but well i’ll rant more about that later on. also dany legitimizing gendry was something we all saw coming i believe (even before the leaks i mean lmao) and it was a smart choice on her behalf really bc as tyrion pointed out gendry would never betray her, out of pure gratefulness if anything.

the feast lasted a lot lmao am i the only one who feels that way? 

we started to see dany drifting from jon bc for some reason my tiny brain cannot comprehend people seem to want him as a king and she know he could be king if the truth gets out (WHICH DESERVES A WHOLE ASS POST TO RANT). she also sees tyrion laughing with jaime and brienne and i just felt so bad for her? like everyone was ignoring her she was clearly uncomfortable there ;( maybe it just hit too close home ahah. Anyway, I understand her becoming wary, and i understand why she doesn’t want anyone to know abt jon’s parentage. which, ofc, jon doesn’t give a flying fuck so we end up in a very bad place (which, again, i’ll talk more abt later on)

i was pretty nervous abt the gendrya breakup ahah but it really wasnt that bad, i didnt really see it as a breakup as much as a  “c ya later” and im allowing myself to be hopeful for them. they’re both clearly very much in love but my boy’s a whole ass clown if he thought she’d say yes THAT quickly.

but im actually nervous about arya’s fate??? did she even say goodbye to sansa? bran? what the fuck was that??? she really plans to kill cersei and i just have a feeling in my HEART that she’s not gonna make it out alive and she won’t succeed either. why would u have her lecture jon abt the importance of family if she’s just going to clock out the next day. ALSO what the fuck was that line of her never returning to WF????? 

??????????????????????????????????????????????????

if she dies im gonna become a full blown alcoholic. its even worse if she dies by the mountain or some stupid shit like that.

anyways

lets fast forward shall we

when they were at the war council room (idk the name im sorry) SANSA WAS STILL PROVOKING DANY. WHAT THE HELL? was it ever explained why she distrusts her? or are we just supposed to go with it? i loved that jon for once in his life stood up for her. she lost so much, she lost her khalasar, she lost most of her unsullied, she lost JORAH. and you don’t even want to send men to fight a much less scary enemy? gtfo here. i have always always always loved sansa, and i could see where she came from when she initially didn’t trust dany, but this? dany gave them everything and more, what do they want from her. im also emo bc i always thought dany and arya would get along :( and now im wearing a clown costume. 

then the jon’s dumbass who’s a targaryen but inherited ned stark’s ability to disclose very sensible information at the WORST possible timing goes “hey, u know what will make them be at peace with dany ruling? knowing that i’m a secret targ and i can be king instead of her ahah :)x” and tells them. which, ofc, has many many consequences.

god they really are setting everything up for dany going nuts i hate this i hate this so much

everyone is plotting behind her back. that sneaky little treacherous rat varys is going to get dracarysed very soon and i will REJOICE. 

and i truly fail to see why, all of a sudden, varys doesn’t want her on the throne. i cannot see what she has done wrong, and i mean this. if it’s all bc she burned down the tarlys i s2g.... if this was all done properly, if this was well written, if dany had truly started to show signs of madness, i would not be complaining. but the second she suggests using heavy force on KL to end the war once and for all, she is MAD!!!1111! aerys reborn!11!!! get the fuck outta here w that im fuming

but well im just rambling now. we all know that rhaegal survived a fight with his undead brother but died bc apparently NO ONE saw the massive fleet that was somehow hiding behind a rock. god i wish i was joking this sounds like bad fanfiction. also they killed missandei just for the lulz apparently and to give us what they believe will be a justified reason for dany going mad. thanks i hate it.

the way she said dracarys though ;___; she wants dany to obliterate the whole lot of them.

also the show really sad fuck jaime lannister huh. 

like, it’s the same shit guys. amazing episode if you look at the technical aspects, the music was great as usual, the photography is impressive, it feels like you’re watching a blockbuster movie not a TV show and that definitely counts for something, but the story is simply not good anymore. they are crushing everything they’ve built up to this point character-wise. everyone’s acting so so so ooc it’s unbelievable, and sadly i can only see one way for the “story” they have begun to tell us. they are going to destroy the single most important character of the show, the most ICONIC character in the story of TV, one of the most beloved characters of our times, and turn her into a monster just so jon can save the day. if that ain’t trash writing, idk what is. 

i also want to point out how great the cast is. it amazes me each episode. this time in particular emilia was amazing.

i guess that’s the sad part, that this show has it all to be the best of the best, but they decided to butcher the story, which cannot be saved, no matter how amazing your crew, cast, and production is.

[doctormage]

hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!! 

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

[sugarchains]

this accidentally turned into a FULL rant post about my students im v sorry if you read it

aight listen i gotta start

getting ready for bed

i called it while iw as at work-im not doing any work at home today. i was up unti 2:30 doing stuff

im exhausted.

and i skipped breakfast to be out the house on time so ive had to doubly eat to compensate and not get hunger pains (which i still ended up getting) 

(eating takes SO MUCH EFFORT MAN.)

HOWEVER, ive been getting surprisngly good with my grading right now and we keep putting stuff in. and just. i felt bad bc theres kids who have legit 3 in my class

like 3 out of 100? 

do you know how hard it is to fail my class? 

you have to literally do NOTHING to fail it. like no discussion, no photo analysis, you cant talk about the information, you cant make your own questions, you cant watch a video and react, you cant read a grade level document on your own, you cant think critically and respond to hypothetical questions

iont even do tests! like i have assignments that i grade as assessments bc theyre cumulative, but V RARELY do i do tests, because im on here and I SEE how students feel and I get that tests are boring and stressful

i can gauge if you know your shit with a written response that you had to cite evidence from better than the test with 20 questions can. i know you know your shit based off how mad you are about the information at hand. 

H O W E V E R. some of these lil assholes havent had teachers just. flat out fail them before? or like. push them to finish assignments in a timely fashion. or not give them make up work. or extra time. listen im REALLY SORRY that your boyfriend broke up with you or whatever, but this assignment was due in january. i let yall have the whole marking period to turn it in. i left the list of shame up on the wall for kids who didn’t turn it in to know. 

you aint handle your shit thats not on me. what am i supposed to do, chase down the nearly 100 kids who didnt turn their stuff in on time? NAH.

and when i call these parents tomorrow-these parents that i have ALREADY REACHED OUT TO SEVERAL TIMES. BY MYSELF AND WITH OTHER TEACHERS- AND THEY FIX THEMSELVES TO SAY “Well what are you doing to help my child” 

bitch, ive grouped them separately, they have perferential documents, they have assignments on their level, videos, music, laptops to do research on, checklists for the work, a video they can refer back to for the work, etc. at this point. in march. if they havent gotten it together, its really not on me-its on you and your own lil nigga

take care of yo lil niggas! stop expecting the teacher to do all that for you!

dont let your special needs services fall through for your child! because he will be treated like a gened student! i cant give him ther services he needs because YOU didnt let them continue his iep AND you LET ITRUN OUT

“oh he needs extended time.” in which case. should a supposed gened student, who is not an ell, doesnt have a learning disability, and has been born and raised in this country. be allowed 2 plus weeks to read 2 documents (both are image documents) and answer 8 questions in total-four for each document? 

stop sending your kids to school without pencils!

shorty got a WHOLE JAR OF COCONUT OIL IN HER BAG BUT NO FUCKING PENCIL?

????? HOW SWAY

HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE

STOP MAKING YOUR KIDS ENTITLED TO SHIT THATS NOT YOURS. I DO NOT HAVE TO LET YOU USE THE PENS THAT I BOUGHT ESPECIALLY FOR ME. IONT CARE THAT YOU LIKE THEM. YALL WRITE LIKE YOU NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO HOLD A PENCIL PROPERLY. MASHING UP MY FELT TIP POINTS BC YOU WANNA DRAW WITH MY SHIT TCH

why do middle schoolers touch EVERYTHING thats not yours

AND THEN GET PRESSED! WHEN YOU TELL THEM HANDS OFF!

LIKE????! just because im a teacher doesnt mean yall can touch all my shit. you are entitled to 1. my attention for the time you have me and 2. a well thought out lesson, objective and activity. dont be upset when i tell you to not touch my timer

or my tape

or my staplers

or my glue 

or the construction paper

or the printer paper

or my folders

or my copies

or my KEYS

my cup of fucking water? (yes it is a cat. yes i know it looks like a sippy cup. why do you not see that you do not have to tell me about the thing i already own)

or my headphones!

whomst. asked yall. to be all touchy. half yall got sticky fingers anyway! taking my shit that i BOUGHT. AND PAID FOR. just because “oh miss but its pretty.” THEN YOU GO GET IT

GO

BUY IT

WITH THE MONEY YOU SPENDING ON ALL THE SNACKS AND FOOD YOU BRING INTO THE ROOM AND LEAVE BEHIND EVERYWHERE imma start eating their food when they leave it behind. actually ive done that before

[mooncrescenteyes]

Oooh, what happened with Sierra Burgess? I feel like I've heard a mix of high praise and very unimpressed reactions but I don't really want to take time to watch it to decide for myself 😂

LET! ME! TELL! YOU!!!! 

(under a read more so others dont get it spoiled if they want to watch)

okay, first let me preface by saying it wasn’t ALL bad, but i would say skip the watch. honestly not worth it. wanna see a cute high school rom com? To All the Boys Ive Loved Before is approx 1000 times better. 

The biggest positives - I loved seeing a lead that was like a very normal person instead of a fucking gorgeous supermodel. like i loved that, it was like i was seeing myself or friends up there, so that was cool. i also liked how the stereotypical “mean girl” befriends the main girl and i thought their friendship was the most interesting aspect of the whole film.

My biggest pet peeves - I won’t go into all of them, just the ones that really killed it for me. 

1 - There was this really creepy part where the dude is on a date with veronica (who he thinks he was texting this whole time but really he was texting sierra) and he leans in for a kiss and veronica makes him close his eyes and has sierra come over and kiss him. they didn’t plan this ahead of time so it was spontaneous but like its super gross bc the guy is kissing someone he doesnt even know in real life!!!! idk like imagine you open your eyes and you see a totally different girl. oh man i cringed sooooo hard thats not okay.

2 - She pretends to be deaf when she meets the guy by accident at the park bc she doesnt want him to recognize her voice (theyve talked on the phone) and the guys little brother is deaf so they start signing to her and OMG I CRINGED SO HARD I ALMOST HAD TO TURN THE MOVIE OFF LIKE HOW HORRIBLE UGH

3 - THE. FUCKING. RESOLUTION. omfg. OKAY GET READY FOR THIS!!!! veronica (the popular “mean girl”) gets dumped by this college kid who is an asshole and breaks up with her over instagram DM and sends a pic of them kissing but is like “thanks for last night but its over between us” … super scummy right? anyway, the guy sierra likes sees veronica and, thinking the two of them are casual dating, kisses her. sierra sees this from a distance and BREAKS INTO VERONICAS INSTAGRAM AND POSTS THE DMS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND TOTALLY SHAMED VERONICA WHEN SHE REALLY DID NOTHING WRONG TO HER!!!!! how fucking shitty is sierra like its totally out of character and now how can we root for her??? i for one was disgusted. but ANYWAY so the guy finds out about the catfishing after that, and hes like mad of course, and you wanna hear how sierra basically gets everyone to forgive her?????

she writes a fUCKING SONG about how shes like a “sunflower” instead of a “rose” and that she wishes she could be a “rose” or some shit

THIS SONG… MAKES VERONICA FORGIVE HER?!VERONICA GOES TO TALK TO THE GUY SIERRA LIKES AND TELLS THE GUY SIERRA IS GREAT AND HE SHOULD FORGIVE HER?! SO HE GOES OVER TO HER HOUSE AND TAKES HER TO HOMECOMING?!?!

im sorry what????

also, sierra blows off her best friend multiple times throughout the film but apologizes and the best friend forgives her so easily. AAAAAAAND a semi-big conflict of the film is how her resume is so meh bc shes smart but hasnt done anything too special that will make her stand out for college applications… but she doesnt end up doing anything special and still gets into stanford??? even though the whole film shes focusing on this guy and messing up her studies, somehow that all works out totally fine

like why even include that piece in the movie? just let it go and say shes smart enough to get in from the start

ANYWAY

THAT WAS A LOT

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME RANT

I WOULD SAY 2/10

CAST WAS GOOD BUT STORY WAS ABSOLUTE SHIT, IT SHOULDVE BEEN FIXED THE FUCK UP BEFORE IT WAS MADE INTO A MOVIE

[antthonystark]

I don't really get why are people are mad they continuously ask Magnus for help? Clary and Jace are Magnus's friends he cares for Clary a lot and he's not as close with Jace but they've been shown to have a friendship. Also Alec is his boyfriend so?? And Clary and Jace are the main characters and Magnus helping them gives him a bigger role. And it would be an issue if he never got his own character development but he has plenty of scenes without Clary and Jace. Sorry this is a mini rant

i’m of two minds on this (surprise surprise)…..like on the one hand, it shouldbe acknowledged that magnus has had issues with people, often specificallyshadowhunters, before when it comes to being taken advantage of etc. like hedetails in his conversation with maia in 2x07. and of course, there is the important consideration of the natural friction between shadowhunters and downworlders as a result of the myriad problems with their society. i guess when it comes down to it, im not a fan ofthe “poor beleaguered magnus vs. evil selfish shadowhunters” narrative,but i also dont buy the whole “everything between everyone is a-okay and happy and love”either? like with the vast majority of things, the actual truth is probablysomewhere in between. 

so turns out i had lot more to say about this that i … .may be thought… anyway under the cut

the reasonwhy im not a fan of the first one (poor magnus vs. selfish meanies) is it seems to contradict magnus as acharacter almost entirely…both his personality and his power would insulateagainst something as extreme as all that. of course magnus is an extremely generousand compassionate person when he wants to be, which leads to such problems (as we saw in his relationship with camille, where he gave a million times more than he got), which does leadto issues of being taken for granted or taken advantage of like the ones he talked about with maia in 2x07, so it’s not likeit’s something that’s not a thing - it is a thing, but when it becomes thatmuch of a thing in people’s interpretations, taken that far, it justseems like it’s woobify-ing him, like he’s not a manipulatable child, he cansay no if he really doesn’t want to do something. 

but basedon that and more crucially to me, at its worst, it seems like it’s doing adisservice to magnus based on my understanding of his motivations and character, to appear asthough the only reason he would ever want to be involved in the main conflict(i.e. the fight against the genocidal, downworlder-racist megalomaniac) isthrough reluctantly helping the shadowhunters - rather than acknowledging thathe has an equally significant stake in the game and that it’s not magnus unwillinglyhelping with someone else’s personal quest, but rather it being something verysignificant to magnus and his storyline as well. so it’s not always “those damnshadowhunters always asking magnus for help” but then things like stopping agreater demon or, like, preventing a war in the downworld are not just goalsfor clary/jace…..like magnus cares about the outcome of the events just as muchif not more?? so that’s what i guess i don’t understand.

like yousaid, the second magnus would not be involved somewhere where he should be,people are rightfully going to be saying that he’s being “sidelined” from the mainaction. so its this weird thing where the diegetic thing – in the narrative,magnus being asked for help – is bad, but the non-diegetic thing thatwould result from that diegetic thing not happening – in real life, important lgbt+character of colour being sidelined from the main conflict – would also bebad. like people pick and choose, sort of, what they’re going to look at only at face value in the narrative, and what they’re going to look at from a broader consideration of the real world interacting with the narrative (diegetic/non-diegetic are the wrong words but it’s late and i cant think of the right ones). so honestly sometimes I struggle to understand where people arecoming from on this issue tbh.

like,there was a gifset going around recently that was trying to, uh, illustratethis narrative, where magnus didn’t get paid for all the help he did orwhatever, where at least half of those instances he was paidand/or volunteered freely to do it. so firstly, there’s a differencebetween “magnus wants to help” and “magnus is forced to help” that ifeel like people don’t…..get…..so often. both have happened, solike i said, the truth is in the middle. but, like, people often have such a vesteddislike for shadowhunters as characters (or specifically clary and jace) thatthey project that onto magnus who, to be fair, does have a dislike and mistrustfor shadowhunters in general, but in my view clearly cares about clary and jaceand the gang as friends (harry himself said that in as many words in his lastinterview). so it’s not exactly a stretch that he would want to help them whentheir lives are in danger, to me, i guess lol? 

ultimately,i think that the most crucial difference arises in the way that one reads that particularrelationship. if you read it as magnus being superficially magnanimous andcivil while having a deeper-rooted dislike, vs. if you read it as magnus beingsuperficially disdainful while have a deeper-rooted affection. if the former,you’re more likely to be upset by the way magnus is ‘treated’ by the two mains,whereas if the latter (which is in my opinion the way the writers meant toframe it, regardless of course of how it came across to people), maybe not so much. another dimension to this is the downworlder/shadowhuntersdynamic, in that Shadowhunters often view themselves as superior in anyinteraction, which – unpopular opinion time – doesn’t apply to the same extentto clary since she wasn’t raised with these notions of superiority like theother characters, including jace, to be fair. i feel like this dynamic is more salientalso in official rather than amicable contexts, e.g. when magnus is at thetrial or strengthening the wards for Robert, but it would be stupid to say itdoesn’t play a role even in the everyday interaction between friends. so,again, it’s complex. it’s not one thing or the other, but really both, so thenreally neither. in my view.

i keepreferring to “truth” but the truth of the matter is, it’s going to dependwholly on interpretations, and i think the reading of this relationship is animportant one in the way that one views it.

alsothere’s also a difference between “wanting to help”, “being forced tohelp” and “sort of being expected to help and not really being thanked forit because he’s an established good guy™ in the show allied with the grouprather than an outsider to the group and/or some neutral figure and in film/tvthe good guys dont usually thank each other unless there’s a higher purpose forit in the narrative”

with thatlast one, i think people, maybe a bit punch drunk on fanfiction, don’t alwaysget that things in regular scripts/narratives that are even a littlebit extraneous do not get to stay in. so things likepeople barging through doors happens because the script needs fat trimmed andit’s less time consuming to start a scene like that than with a knock (andusually with a knock there’s again some purpose, e.g. alec knocking in 2x07when he normally doesn’t so magnus is by the door bc it would be an awkwardshot imo for alec to walk in and stride all the way over to wherever tf magnusis chillin to grab him and kiss him lol – similarly, there was no knock in 2x09 bc malec were over at the balcony and it wouldunnecessarily elongate the scene by having them walk over to the door to answerit etc……like im sure they didn’t think that hard about these things or theycould have done them the other way without giving 2 shits, it’s just thatnobody ever thought people would care this much about doors lol – and, in thenarrative, lbr…if magnus didn’t want someone in his house would they be in hishouse……just think about it). i mean, people don’t even say “hello”or “goodbye” on the phones in any film or tv show i’ve ever seen unlessthere’s some reason for it, so scenes with the good guys standing aroundthanking each other for helping …… i honestly don’t think i’ve seen a scenelike that that doesn’t serve some higher purpose. by that, i mean the primeexample is alec thanking magnus for stuff - obviously, the narrative needs toestablish alec as this person who cares about magnus, so rather than havingeveryone line up and say thank you, alec is the person who most often does itbecause a scene like that with alec and magnus would not beextraneous, because it serves the higher purpose of establishing a thingbetween the pair. just like clary thanking jace establishing a thing betweenthem in, say, 1x07; or clary thanking alec and being rebuffed in 1x08establishing their continued conflict that plays a role in the followingepisode; etc. like does that make sense, where i’m coming from in thatregard? like, when connection needs to be established between characters, it is – jace and magnus’s little moment ashe hands over the stone in 2x03, for example. if it’s not constantlyreinforced, it’s maybe (no shade, just a thought) because the screenwriters don’tfind the connections of friendship or at least fondness between the charactersas dubious as some of the viewers.

MOSTIMPORTANTLY, like i said before, the sense of superiority over downworlders indoctrinatedin shadowhunters from an early age is not illusory or unimportant, and ofcourse that is going to inform the interactions between magnus, a downworlder,and other shadowhunters, young or old. so again as i said in my opening statement,it’s as little a case of pure love and rainbows and sunshine as it is the otherextreme interpretation of this issue. a lot of the stuff people talk about –they have a point. often, that stuff – e.g. people calling magnus “warlock” disparaginglyas the most obvious example, but many others as well – is deliberate by the writers, because this issuebetween the two strata of the shadow world isn’t something that they ignore,since they…ya know.. wrote it in the show. however, some of the stuff peoplesay borders on the ridiculous. as usual, the golden mean can usually be foundbetween extremes.

[onlyjihoons]

boyfriend!jaehyun

ask:  I'm in love with boyfriend!haechan so can you do the same with Jaehyun and/or Mark and/or Ten (depending on how busy you are)? Please 💕 and thanks ❤ -anon friend

omg im so so so thankful you liked my bf!donghyuck au ahhh and i’m really sorry this took so long because it was the chinese new year holidays and i was visiting my friends and family and on top of that, schoolwork has been piling up since the common tests are coming up real soon,, i cri ;-; but my ask box is always open because after my homework is done i usually think of plots for my asks hehe ok im ranting too much 

pls give casper/jeffery lots of luv bc he’s rlly fluffy and i practically say this to everyone in nct but i nearly swerved into his lane at one point ngl

ok shall we start

let’s go

so there was once upon a time

where you moved to america for a period of time bc your parents were posted to work there

and this neighbourhood was super pretty like this:

and like

the neighbour beside ya’ll invited your fam into their house for a break

and they greeted you w loads of snacks:

and turns out they’re koreans being sent to america to work too

and like there was this shy boy hiding behind his mom

“yoonoh! don’t be shy!” you hear his mom nag

“...”

in the end his mom had to drag him

“this is yoonoh, he’s 6 this year”

and she got your mom get all excited like

dRaGgInG you too

“this is Y/N, she’s the same age as yoonoh!”

since that boy was so so shy

shy shy shy

you had to introduce yourself first

“i’m Y/F/N, let’s be friends yoonoh-ya.”

and he just sMiLeS at you

w those cute deep dimples

and you were shookt bc he wasn’t that shy boi anymore wth

then he just drags you upstairs to his room

to show you his Lego collection

and that’s where it all started

fast forward 8 years later

ya’ll were at your friend’s lil birthday party

and by now you guys were neighbours and best friends at the same time

so ya’ll played truth and dare w your friends

ok a lil back track here

there was one fine day when you and jaehyun were playing on the swing

and you noticed how handsome he was

like he was already cute enough

and your hormones whispering to you like

“he’s cute! go get him!”

you nod internally but another part of you stops yourself

“don’t do it you’re gonna risk your friendship”

so you just sigh to yourself and keep that crush on him to yourself

and you vented your feelings into your diary

you brought that diary to school

and left it on your table during recess

your other bestfriend not so innocently peeks into your sacred diary

bc she saw you acting more girly around jaehyun

and boom

she knew

so she told the whole class about it

except you and jaehyun

she also knows about jaehyun’s crush on you

thanks to his trustworthy friends

and she planned all of this on purpose

ok back to the party

when the pen pointed between you and jaehyun

ya’ll picked dare bc yolo

but

your friends dared ya’ll 7 minutes in heaven

they locked ya’ll in this attic

which was pretty cosy tbh

sat face to face w each other

and your defence mechanism kicks in

“more like 7 minutes in hell,” you scoffed

little did you know that you hurt poor woojae’s feelings

and his face turns serious like

“Y/N,”

“what”

“can i tell you something?”

“yeah sure”

“promise not to tell anyone”

“we’re best friends, yoonoh-yah.”

then he snapped at the word best friends

“i really hate it when you say that!”

and you were like whot is happening did i do smth wrong

“i really hate it when you label us as best friends”

then you thought he was being ridiculous

“then what do you want us to be?”

“i want you to be my girlfriend”

oH tHat’s when shit got real

you slowly shifted backwards

like so shookt

your crush actually like you back

your dreams actually came true

and you were like

“don’t try to make me feel better, yoonoh.”

and that’s when he leans in and kisses you

you guys’ first kiss awh

and after a few seconds he leaned his head against yours

“i love you, Y/N.”

and shortly after you hear whispers outside

“have they kissed yet?”

“omg what if they’re having that”

“ew no way!”

you and jaehyun laugh @ your friends bc they being silly

so ya’ll hold hand and prepare to get out when the door opened

and your friends saw ya’ll w hands interlaced

and they swooned omg

“awhhhhhhh!11111!!!!!!”

and cheeky jae:

i shall timeskip or i will faint

now ya’ll are like 18

jaehyun’s a trainee from SM

ngl you were super proud of him

ya’ll lived together while your parents stayed in america

you lived w jaehyun’s parents

and jaehyun ofc

on one condition

no hanky panky and the you know what i mean

you willingly obliged bc you aren’t that kind of person

but jaehyun was

only a tiny bit

bc you were so smol and kyoot

he felt the need to protect you at all costs

partially bc his height towered over u

and he didn’t want to disappoint both of ya’ll parents as well so

one day his parents went out of town to run some errands

and left ya’ll at home

the moment his parents stepped out of the house he pushed you into the store room

and:

i’m am a mark stan i’m a mark stan i’m a mark stan

and you were so shookt like WHAT ARE YOU DOING

you were retaliating but this boy has super human strength

and after a few moments he pulled away and 

“you had no idea how much i wanted to do that”

you slapped his chest and scolded him

“you do know that I live here under one condition right”

“but my parents aren’t home🌚”

“that doesn’t mean you can just-- nevermind”

and you just stormed out of the store room

but inside you were idk a mixed feeling

like your heart bbbeating so fast

yet you’re mad jaehyun broke the rules

jaehyun knows you liked it

lol

you slumped on your shared bed, staring at the ceiling

“babe?”

“go away”

“i know you liked it”

YES I LOVE IT ANNYEONGHAESEYO IOI IMNIDA

you just back faced him and ignored him

and then stupid jaehyun he joins you lying on the bed

“i didn’t know the ceiling was more good looking than me”

“i didn’t know you were such an asshole”

ooOHHH SIKE

jaehyun was dying internally bc damn you were so cute

then jaehyun hugged you from behind

“i’m sorry babe, did i make you mad?”

MAD LIFE MAD LIFE MAD LIFE

you finally turned to face him

“what do you think”

jaehyun resorts to aegyo

bc he knows you’re weak

“woojae is sooo sooooo sorryyyyy”

and you forgave him

you guys went on dates

like food dates

at home lololol

because why eat out when you have a masterchef at home

so instead ya’ll went on a grocery shopping date most of the time

jaehyun carrying you and plopping you into the trolley

people were staring at ya’ll overgrown kids

you screaming as jae pushes you at 100000km/h

the security nearly kicked ya’ll out

when jaehyun cooks you always hug him from behind

and he nearly burned down the kitchen bc you distract him

and him always sneaking those pieces of meat and feeding you before the dish is even done

and the end product was only left w 4 pieces of meat

when nct u was about to debut jaehyun had late practices

and he had lesser time w u

you were a little sad tbh

but you know his career is more important

esp if his company finds out he’s dating

that wouldn’t be a good thing

cough

and there was one day jaehyun didn’t return home

at least jae could drop a message that he was not coming home or smth

but he didn’t so you were riled up about that

you texted jaehyun a million times but he’s only read them

you were so annoyed at jaehyun ngl

then you received a text from taeyong

“we’re having our showcase tomorrow, jae really needs your support”

you were rolling your eyes and typed a haste reply

“what support? he doesn’t come home or drop me a message”

“i’ll have backstage passes for you and his parents, i’ll send you the link”

you made a mental note to yourself to attend it nonetheless

“did jaehyun bribe you to do this?”

“... no”

“pls tell him i’m mad @ him ok”

the next day you and his parents attended his debut showcase

and when you saw him perform you were so proud AHHH

you and his mom cried

after the showcase ended you went back stage

and jaehyun shows up with flowers

i couldn’t find jaehyun w flowers so here’s cuddly jae

“i’m sorry i kept you waiting babe, happy anniversary”

and then he pecks your lips right on the spot

the nct members were shookt

what jaehyun...why...

cue your cheeks flushing red

and jaehyun giggling cause u cute awh and hugging you

ok i shall end here

thank you for requesting omg

pls show jaehyun lots of luv

this is probably not on par w the rest of my boyfriend series

i will re write if its not up to standard,, sorry:(

ok anyway 

have a nice day/night ahead!💘