#so it was all in all awful and now my mom has been there for more than 20 hours until later tonight when my aunt goes over :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kaidabakugou · 3 months

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the new girl at one of my favorite bakeries called me pretty this morning and it literally melted all my stress away 🥺

#kai.rambles #i was feeling sad bc my grandma is in the hospital and when i went to visit her they wouldn’t let me pass bc my license is expired #which okay ik that’s my fault but i took my passport with me just in case and the guy straight up told me that it wasn’t a valid form of id #and im like yeah tf it is ITS A PASSPORT and he said no #and while i was waiting for my mom to come down to the lobby an old lady came in and he turned her away for the same thing #and dudeee okay you turn me away fine fuck off but an old ladyyy??? at that age they don’t pay attention to that just let her pass #and then he argued with another woman bc she brought a flower arrangement and it had water so he couldn’t allow it HELLOOO??!?#so i had to leave and went to go get breakfast for my mom at least bc she stayed the night and i was supposed to stay the day #and when i came back to give her the food she told me that the nurse that was with my grandma asked what happened bc she wasn’t expecting #my mom to return and when my mom told her she immediately got so angry bc that same guy #didn’t allow her and a couple other nurses to bring in a cake for one of the residents #who’s birthday is today and they had a full on argument this morning #so it was all in all awful and now my mom has been there for more than 20 hours until later tonight when my aunt goes over :(#anyway this turned into a whole rant im sorry but im so mad bc i know for a FACT that a passport is a valid form of id #and he was just being a fkn dick #but the girl called me pretty and it took some stress off and she really liked my blush #and i liked hers so we had a little makeup 101 exchange and it was so nice at least 🥺#and i have a couple cute asks to answer that have made my day as well so i’ll get to those in a few 🥰

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silenthillbunni · 2 months

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i just hate hate hate society so much!!! i have no idea how im supposed to find a way to live and participate in it. i cant stand a single thing abt it. i hate everyone and everything. and the thing lazy ppl dont wanna admit is that WE are society. we create society, we allow the state to do what it does. we choose this. how am i supposed to "love my neighbor" when they are prtially responsible for what this society is???? there is nothing good abt this. it is a cruel and vicious system built on abusing and taking advantage of the vulnerable and the poor. there are no real rules; rules only apply to the ones at the bottom of the hiearchy while the rich and the powerful get away with anything. nothing is fair or just. rules and laws are only there to keep the poor and vulnerable ones down. if you have nothing you will most likely spend your entire life like that, because there is no playing far in this society. nothing is easy. even if it's hard and you fight for it you'll probably not end up going anywhere. the entire thing is rigged. and everyone chooses to just go with it. we have chosen this. and it sucks and i hate everyone and everything because life is so fucking unnecessarily hard and unfair and if you're born with nothing you'll never have anything. even if you try to play by the rules they've set. the rules are against you. and if you break the rules you're immediately punished. life is nothing but an unjust imprisonment.

#and my rage just gets worse each day #bc ofc swedish ppl have chosen a rightist government which is awful and terrible and they make everything worse day by day #i hateeeeee hate hate hate society and the ppl in it so much #they have CHOSEN this they WANT this #otherwise all they would need to do is vote left. so simple. so easy #yet this is what they wanted. an unfair hellworld where the rich get richer and everyday life gets insufferable for everyone else #im so dejected bc it is like IMPOSSIBLE to move #like my mom nd sister have been looking for apartments nd my mom sent an application for one #and they just removed it bc now its apparently illegal to apply for appartments w a family member. it HAS to be a romantical partner. WTF?!#i hate everything abt society #and i hate everyone i see outside bc they VOTED for the right which are the ones responsible for all this #everyone out there CHOSE this #how tf am i supposed to love or care abt them when they are the reason life fkn sucks??????

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that-was-anticlimactic · 1 year

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hands hurty

#why do we need to use them for everything #i wanna put my compression gloves on but i'm at my dad's and he has two dogs and i don't want to risk getting dog hair on them and also i #feel like i'm covered in hair and it's nasty lol so i'm just waiting for my dad to fix the mirror on my car so i can go to my mom's and #shower and then put the gloves on and make popcorn and wallow in pity fdcghujihugyfvtcgybhunijhbgv #and also get some writing done lol i need to work on the nbmk bb but my hands hurt too much to actually type right now #like it's not awful but ik it'll get worse the more that i typed due to all the typing i've done this past week for school lol #hope everyone else's hands are not hurty <3 #sorry not to complain again lol i just ow #this has been in my drafts since july lol #corey tics:)

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imwritesometimes · 2 months

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the last time I was this sick was over a decade ago and my grandma took me to the urgent care and nearly went Lucille Bluth on the dr

#when the dr was like she has the flu go home rest lots of fluids #my grandma was like she has the FLU? GO HOME? LOOK AT HER! IF I HAVE TO BRING HER BACK HERE I'LL FIND YOU!#she almost slapped my mom cause she didn't wanna take me to urgent care #it was a wild fckn day #I had the super flu from hell ×100000 and it took 2 weeks to recover and my grandma was like #ready to kill that dr if I didn't get better #I now once again have the super flu from hell ×10000 and I wish my grandma were here lol she was the best when I was sick #I really hope I'm better this weekend man this has been awful #going from someone who does 10.5 miles on a stationary bike 4-5 times a week #to not being able to get out of bed for more than 10 minutes has been... rough.#and santino is LOSING HIS MIND cause he feels neglected cause I'm not up playing with him and shit like normal #so he is being AWFUL 👿#god I just wanna get better holy shit #erin explains it all

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softshuji · 4 months

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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

#i was thinking abt it earlier #but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why #actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me #earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject #too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i #was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often #especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d #everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just #cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even #consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural #but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other #peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something #something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they #move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less #sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can #always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response #and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone #it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything #not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i #feel like im not actually being heard or listened to #and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore #god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it #for everyone else all the time #is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say #this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice #god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover #and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel #like they actually like me

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spaceshipkat · 1 month

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#look i have no idea where i stand on the idea of heaven (or indeed afterlives and whatnot)#as an agnostic person raised v v v lutheran #(aka my mom worked at our church and my first two jobs were w the church—first helping in the kitchen and then in the nursery w the babies)#(and i was also in the choir to sing and the bell choir playing the itty bitty handbells at the highest octaves)#(basically my siblings and i were at the church pretty much every day of the week)#BUT. TO CEASE WITH RAMBLING.#my eldest brother died eight years ago (we realized my older brother is now the age our eldest brother was when he died)#and it doesn’t really affect me much anymore. i still miss him but it’s not awful yknow?#you never stop missing them but it gets easier to live without them etc etc #however this morning i woke up w depression bc the brain chemistry said ‘ha fuck you’#but i remember i had a dream last night about my eldest brother and the only thing from that dream that i remember #is him hugging me. like a huge fucking bear hug like i haven’t had since he died.#and i have been a Mess all day as a result bc fucking hell thats what i needed #just a huge fucking bear hug from him #ANYWAY. i have two thousand words to cut from this edit letter due tomorrow so byeee gonna go continue to be a Mess

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guinevereslancelot · 2 months

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getting spam ads for online jobs....its that bad out here

#pic of a guy with money shooting out of his laptop labeled part time jobs!!!#pic of a happy smiling mom with her baby labeled remote jobs!!!!#i dont need to make a million dollars part time but its sad that the ability to be working from home is to hard to find #its so in demand but everyone wants to force workers back into the office even tho it's proven less productive then cry abt a labor shortage #bc they seriously think miserable employees must be better somehow despite all the evidence to the contrary #there's so much competition for wfh jobs except for the awful ones unfortunately i have given up looking for now #someday i will run a home business and be my own boss but rn i just need steady work that doesn't make me want to die #but im extremely limited in where i can commute to as a new driver with poor vision and anxiety in a rural area w no public transportation #anyway getting scam ads for employment......its that bad #i cant believe employers want to boo hoo pretend online work is impossible when its been known for like twenty years that its better #then got proven en masse during lockdowns #🤡#this has been a shitpost

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erythriina · 6 months

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my mother, one of the smartest people I have ever met, genuinely believes hamas wants to kill all jews. what do I even do anymore.

#at best she thinks I’m uneducated at worst she thinks I’m okay with my own people becoming extinct. god #to my fellow anti-zionist jews: I love you I love you I love you. i know it’s hard #I’m so so sorry you are also losing loved ones #god I wish standing up for what I believe in didn’t feel so fucking awful #mine #mom you GAVE ME my judaism I’m literally matrilineal #so many of my friends think I’m a monster now #i wish I was better at arguing. i always cry #lmao aren’t Jews supposed to be good at arguing?? @ my genetics what happened #but im staying here anyway. im staying where I stand #i want to stand up against injustice #that’s something inherent to judaism I think.#ironic that doing that makes other people view me as a traitor to my people #I just know that someday these ppl are gonna realize what’s happened #and how our religion has been *used*#and one day they’ll understand why I tried so hard to help them #but for now all I can do is sit with the fact #that many people I love think I’m a monster. :/

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hafwen · 5 months

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I honestly can’t remember if I posted here or not but my mom had a biopsy done last week and the results were endometrial cancer and she’s getting a full hysterectomy in January unless she needs to go back to the er because then they will do the surgery even if it’s tomorrow

#really sucks #and my dad is useless #don’t think he even know how to do laundry #so yeah this year decided it hadn’t been awful enough #now my mom has cancer #went from being kind of worried for her after thanksgiving to cancer diagnosis last week #I think it was last week #I am disassociating more than normal #All the stuff about her cancer will be tagged #mom’s health #if I remember #I will try #personal

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coffin-flop · 5 months

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i know my cat knows i love him but does he know how much?

#this question haunts me #I'm literally cryinc bc it's a 'holiday' (but also fuck thanksgiving it really is and should be a national day of mourning for indigenous #communities to honor the genocide and the continued violence they face bc of american white supremacy and colonialism)#but like i do have nostalgic ties frkm childhood and im thinking abt how weird life has been #since my mom and I REALLY started growing apart (bc i started to understand things and she started spiraling)#but how none of my holidays feel lonely even whem i mostly spend then alone bc my cat almost always snuggles with me the whole time #like okay yeah this is what its all for in the end #this is what i live for lol #anyway that holiday talk sounded sad but actually it's really happy #when i tried to do holidays w the immediate fam i used to stress a lot and usually experienced something traumatic #so like it's so nice to have quiet peaceful holidays with my angel of a cat who's been here thru it all #the first time he headbutted me was when i came home from my mom's on Thanksgiving the last year i spent it with hwr #idk i just love this lil dude. hes neen a constant for almost 7 years now like wow #also sometimes i hang out w friends or facetime friends after their fam gatherings or friends who also dont celebrate #i was interested in going to an indigenous day of mourning march however i am still feeling pretty awful after my root canal 2 days ago #so i will try to go next year

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pepprs · 1 year

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mission failed we’ll get em next time 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#i literally can’t quit omg i feel so fucking bad. it wasn’t so bad this time but also HE LITERALLY FORCED ME TO COME OUT LKKE GIRL HELLO????#he cornered me and asked me if redacted had to do w my s*duality and i was like ummmmm. yeah 🫣 and he was like now why didn’t you say that t #the first time 🤨 and i was like …………. 😳. AND THEN i asked him why he asked me that and he said he’s been waiting for the right moment to get #it out of me and he always suspected it LIKE HELLO I THINK THAT IS POSSIBLY WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE I WANTED TO DIEEEEEE #and i lied right to his face abt stuff w my mom and also the redacted situation bc i always feel in trouble whenever i talk abt them w him #and also he asked how things were w my mom and i told him and he was like that’s great but how are things with YOU and yoir mom 🤨. UGHHHHH #and i can’t leave bc his supervisor is gravely ill and they haven’t talked abt doing inter generational therapy w me yet which is what they #want to do <- hasn’t looked it up yet and doesn’t know what it receals about me. and he also is like yet agai. trying to get me to separate #myself from data expunged AND ITS LIKE OMGGGG NOTHING IS HAPPENING WHY DO I HAVE TO THROW AWAY A GOOD THING THAT IS WORKING FOR ME JUST FOR #THE SAKE OF CONFORMING TO SOME STUOID MENTAL HEALJT STANDARD. so yeah ummmmm idk what to dooooo i know im not getting the best possible care #and this whole thing has been a cluster fuck but he validated my reaction to something for the first time like EVER today and he has plans a #and what if they work. and like omg if i drop it on him he’ll be so hurt and surprised like it will really come out of nowhere and i don’t w #want to look like even more of a fool to him than iam. but he says i can’t withhold stuff bc it’s doing me a disservice and we need to see t #the fullness of who i am to get to the root and solve problems and stuff but it’s like uhmmmm… but you don’t make me feel safe for reacting #the way i do or wanting things to work out in a way you disagree with so how can i bring out all the parts of me if you don’t make me feel a #safe and unjudged for doing so like. lol. the thought of leaving him makes me feel so guilty and stupid bc it s like why are you throwing aw #away sliding scale therapy that could turn out to be really useful and running away when ppl tell you things abt yourself you don’t like to #admit and force you to look at your hard ugly truths. but also the thought of working w him until july after already having had 16 weeks of #this literaly makes me fucking insane so idk what to do and finding a new counselor would be so hard and i don’t have time or money. UGHHHH!#purrs #delete later #like how am i gonna walk out on him when we just spent all this time talking abt how this new technique will bring me into a new season. AUG

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clitology · 4 months

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i think the more that time goes on & the older i get the more protective i become of my mother against my father. i cannot stop sobbing whenever i think about my mother as a young 20-something woman w dreams of her own & all the sacrifices she had to make for him in the name of family & the way he continues to disrespect & belittle her at every chance he gets. seething w rage

#if i needed any personal reasons to become a feminist it would solely & surely be my god awful father #he's currently throwing a tantrum because my mom asked him about some finances last night so he is refusing to eat any meals now #well knowing that he has been ill all of last week & only just started to recover #the fact that he'd jeopardise his own health just to make my mom look like a bad & uncaring wife in front of my grandma #i.e. my dad's mom my mom's mother-in-law #yeah. i fucking hate him #personal <3

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yououghtaknow · 1 year

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google search how to stop feeling guilty for getting help

#i feel like i'm dying both emotionally and physically so i called my mum for help #and she immediately said she'd gonna come up and help me as soon as she can #and i just. feel So Bad. because i can't think of a single other person i know whose mum would do that for them #but also i can't ask anyone but her for help right now because none of my safe people are safe atm #due to the awful way My Brain Works. i am experiencing delusions and the like.#going to Attempt to do some hygiene stuff before she comes in like 2 and a half hours #i'm not being brave about this At All i feel like s4 rory gilmore having her mom stay in her dorm #and i had to cancel plans today because of The Horrors and i feel so bad about it but i can hear monsters outside my room so i can't leave #i just feel. so hopeless. but i will get help soon and then it will be better.#times like these i just want to check into a hospital but i know that would make me a lot worse #we stay balling though. we stay asking for help (but only from people who are Obligated to help us)#ANYWAYS this has been another vent post from [name redacted] apologies for being a downer #but making these posts actually helps with my Memory Issues so we stay coping

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devotedlystrangewizard · 11 months

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as im getting closer & closer to the day that i will officially leave my hometown & go live with my dad i am starting to understand my ocs more