#anyway. I think the meme is almost over now that it had the perfect conclusion

[magic-can]

this is his post now

[kalaluchi]

chapter 02: Rebellion

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Alya was going to lose her mind at any second. How did she become best friends with someone so damn stubborn?

“Girl, I’m telling you, there is no way that boy does not have a crush on you. It’s so obvious, please!”

“Alya. One: I think you are crazy. Two: he’s just friendly. Ok?”

It had been a little over a month since Adrien Agreste had joined their class, and yet he seemed to be getting along well with everybody. For Marinette, it had been hate at first sight and then love at second sight.

In her defense, she never intended to fall for him. Not when he was the best friend of her archnemesis-for-who-knows-how-long. Definitely not when he’d put gum on her seat on the first day of class, when he didn’t even know her. So, it made absolute sense for her to snob him back… except.

Except she’d been completely wrong.

It had all been a mix up… and as he’d smiled kindly at her, and she’d stared, really stared, into his eyes for the first time since meeting him… she’d realized she really wouldn’t mind getting lost in them and the way the fading sun turned them the most perfect shade of green.

That was when she’d realized she was in trouble. That was when she’d realized that despite her initial, intense hate for the green-eyed blond-haired boy, she’d fallen quite hard for Adrien Agreste at second glance… even though he was the best friend of her archnemesis-for-who-knows-how-long.

She continued to fall even further when she saw how cute he really was, how kind he was to everyone, how comfortable in his own skin he seemed, how he laughed softly at most anything, and a million other “how's” known only to her heart.

And then they’d started talking.

Of course, she’d always wanted to approach him, but never found the courage to, which was why she resorted to roundabout ways to catch his attention most of the time.

There was that one time she’d learned he loved macarons, so she’d stayed up nearly the whole night just perfecting a batch to bring to school. Then she’d spent the whole day loudly talking about them, waving them around anytime she thought he was looking -- in hopes he’d ask her for one, and they could strike up a convo. But to no avail.

And the time she’d heard that he loved cats, so she’d read about all the different breeds and their origins, even writing notes to remember the important parts. But she’d ended up forgetting to bring the notebook and getting a mind block in school, so that when he asked what her favorite breed of cat was, she’d replied, “Orange.” (She’d wanted to bury herself in a hole for days after that.)

And too many other instances, way more than she could count on her fingers.

Alya had quickly caught on to what her best friend was up to, and was highly against the plan. “Girl, just woman up and go talk to him yourself!” she’d said. “Adrien Agreste is literally the nicest boy I’ve met, and he won’t judge you or anything if you randomly talk to him! And anyway, if he does do that, then he’s not crush-worthy, okay?”

Marinette had seen the sense in her best friend’s statement, but knowing you have to do something and being able to actually do it are two different things. Because Marinette was Marinette Dupain-Cheng, not Alya Césaire, and as much as she’d wanted to talk to him, she just couldn’t bring herself to because she’d been scared, too scared of what he might say.

To her surprise, though, he’d actually reached out to her one day. And the conversation hadn’t stopped, like she’d feared it would. It had gone on for hours which turned into days, and it had felt good, felt right. And for a second, she could almost, almost believe that he could like her, too, despite their awkward beginning. But then she’d stumble over her words, and the fantasy would fade. Because how could he possibly fall for her when he was the most amazing person she’d ever met and she was just Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and there were so many other, better, more interesting people in her school -- in all of Paris for that matter-- that he could fall for? So there was absolutely no way he could like her back, could see her as anything more than a friend.

Right?

Marinette shook her head, clearing it of thoughts. Of course she was right. What could Alya possibly know anyway?

Alya gave Marinette the deadest stare she could muster. “Friendly,” she echoed monotonously. “You know what? I am officially appointing myself as your fairy godmother. And as your fairy godmother it is my duty to prove that Adrien Agreste has a crush on you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Marinette sighed at her best friend’s antics. “Well, I won’t stop you, but I do still stand by my original statement.”

Alya pursed her lips. “Okay, how ‘bout this: if it turns out I am right, which I am, and Adrien Agreste does have a crush on you, you owe me an entire box of macarons.”

Marinette shrugged. “Fine with me. You do know this is a win-win for me right? If you’re right, it’s a win that my crush likes me back. If I’m right, it’s a win because I don’t have to bake a dozen macarons.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But I just want you to be happyyyy~!” Alya singsonged. “So, leave it to me. I gotchu.”

Marinette laughed and rolled her eyes playfully at the wink her best friend gave her. “Okay, then. Work your magic, please.”

“Alya Césaire, Fairy Godmother, at your service!”

.

.

.

The first time Alya had to work her fairy godmother magic, she had to admit it wasn’t the best attempt. But she was still determined to give it her all, and prove her point, no matter what. Her pride as a credible writer depended on it.

(Or so she liked to defend to herself.)

Hence her half-brilliant idea to dress Marinette up for school one day.

There was nothing wrong with her best friend’s style, of course. It was just that it was so… Marinette. Soft and cute, but always hiding her full potential. She just needed a little shaking up, a change in routine, just once.

So there was Marinette, with her hair styled, and dressed in all the clothes she’d been hiding at the back of her closet that Alya had always insisted would suit her. (And they did. Splendidly.)

Alya liked to refer to her plan as half-brilliant -- brilliant because Adrien reacted the exact way she’d hoped, but not brilliant because Marinette reacted the exact way Alya had hoped she wouldn’t.

The moment Marinette walked in the door, Alya noticed Adrien’s head whip around so fast she was afraid he’d gotten whiplash. He grinned shyly as Marinette passed by.

“Morning, Marinette. I haven’t seen you wear that before,” he chuckled lightly, though a faint blush spread across his cheeks. “It really suits you, though. You look very pretty.”

Marinette blinked at that, a little offended at the wording. “Uh. Thanks, I guess?”

Adrien cleared his throat as Marinette started up the stairs to her seat. “Uh, no, I meant, prettier than usual, of course. You’re already naturally pretty, you see.”

Of course, Marinette chose that exact moment to turn beet red and walk into the edge of her desk. “You too,” she wheezed out, doubled over and clutching her stomach.

“I-- sorry? A-are you okay?” Adrien asked, bewildered.

“I said, thank you. And, yes, I’m fine.” Marinette forced a grin as she slid into her seat.

“Well,” Alya said as soon as Adrien sat back down, “what did I tell you? He thinks you’re pretty. He just needed a little push to come out and say it. Boy def has a crush on you.”

“Alya,” Marinette chided, though she was trying to hide how happy the compliment had made her, “what did we say about jumping to conclusions, especially when there’s no diamond solid proof?”

“Don’t,” Alya replied with a sigh.

.

.

.

The second time around, Alya was surprised she didn’t even have to do any work to find something to pick on -- Marinette practically handed her the proof on a silver platter.

It was not unusual for Marinette to come to school late, or with eyebags under her eyes, as Alya knew her best friend had a habit of staying up late the night before and oversleeping. (Seriously, though, with the amount of times this had happened in the past, did the girl have a secret double life or something? It’s not like the school gave enough assignments to lose that much sleep over. Alya was always telling Marinette she really needed to sleep earlier...)

But this time, something seemed different.

Maybe it was the way Marinette was typing furiously on her phone under the table, trying hard not to smile.

Or the way Adrien, with similar eyebags, was doing the same thing.

It could just be a coincidence, though. Alya had to remind herself to take it slow, not jump to conclusions. But still, her best-friend-senses were telling her something was up.

She was just about to bring it up when Marinette turned to her excitedly. “Look at this picture Adrien sent me of his cat. Isn’t he cute? That fluffy black fur and those green eyes, Alya, loooook!”

Alya raised an eyebrow and smiled knowingly. “Wow, you guys chat now? That’s new.”

Marinette bit her lip. “Yeah, but it’s just your usual sending-memes and random-small-talk-about-your-life and i'm-drowning-in-acads-you-too? 4am kind of talks. It’s not the soft here’s-what-i-like-about-you 4am kind of talks, sadly,” she sighed, tapping her phone on her thigh.

“Wait. 4am?”

Marinette smiled sheepishly, and Alya knew her hunch had been correct. “Yeah. I don’t intend for it, obviously, but the past week it’s been like, we start talking, and next thing I know it’s 4am and I’m absolutely doomed because I haven’t started the assignment for Mme. Bustier’s class due at 8:30am.”

Alya laughed. “Okay, Marinette, there is something wrong with that last part, I’ll admit. But nevertheless, I’m so proud of you for holding a convo with the boy of your dreams for that long. And to think that he stays up the same? Damn. I really didn’t peg Adrien as the type to pull all-nighters. I guess there’s only one conclusion…” She trailed off dramatically, grinning at her best friend.

Marinette rolled her eyes. “I know what you’re gonna say, and I’m gonna reply-- it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just two people, talking, getting to know each other.”

“He stayed up. Till 4am. To talk to you.”

“Well… yeah.”

“The past week. An entire week.”

“... yeah.”

“Just for you.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe he was cramming homework,” Marinette argued.

“Girl,” Alya rebutted, “this is Adrien Agreste we’re talking about. When does he ever cram?”

Marinette shrugged. “This past week?”

“Girl, you’re hopeless. You’re lucky I love you. Go back to chatting your dream boy. But please start sleeping earlier.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

.

.

.

The third time was such a dead giveaway Alya felt like she’d been smacked in the head with a huge bag of “HELLO I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU,” and she could not for the life of her understand why her best friend could not see the truth shaking its butt in their faces.

It happened one morning, when Marinette walked into the classroom wearing the cutest cardigan Alya had ever seen.

“Girl!” she exclaimed once the blue-haired girl was seated. “I love what you’re wearing, it looks so good on you! How come I’ve never seen it before?” The brunette flipped her hair over her shoulder and huffed. “As your best friend, I’m offended you never told me this heavenly piece of clothing existed. I’d have made you wear it every single day if only I knew.”

Marinette bit back a smile. “I know, it’s kinda super cute, right? It’s super comfy, too. Adrien made it for me,” she added shyly.

Alya waggled her eyebrows. “Mm, you mean he had it made for you, right? Must be nice to come from an ultra-known ultra-rich family or something.”

“No, I mean, like, he made it for me… as in he made it himself…”

“Wait, what. One: why. Two: how do you know he made it himself? I mean, girl, no offense to your boy of course. But that’s some high effort shiz to do for someone who is just ‘a friend’” Alya pointed out, using air quotes.

Marinette rolled her eyes playfully. “Okay, one: I know he made it himself because he sent Nino videos of his progress as he was making it, which Nino eventually forwarded to me once I’d gotten the gift--”

(“Nino, that little brat, how dare he not tell me something as important as this,” Alya growled, glaring daggers across the room at her boyfriend.)

“--and two: are you really still doing that? I don't like how you used air quotes because I have absolutely no idea what you mean by them.” Marinette crossed her arms, in denial. “I mean, obviously, yes, Adrien and I are friends and we are doing things friends do, yes that is normal even though he is literally the cutest human being I have ever met but it’s obvious he’ll never feel the same way, so--”

“Marinette, there are heart patterns on the pockets,” Alya deadpanned.

“There are?!” Marinette excitedly began pulling up the cardigan to check. Then she seemed to remember her stand on the matter, and wiped the smile off her face, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles in her clothes. “And if there were, it does not matter, because it obviously does not mean anything. It’s just a cardigan, I think you’re overthinking things,” she said nonchalantly, though her voice was an octave higher than normal.

Alya laughed aloud. “Just a cardigan, Marinette?! He crocheted you a whole freaking cardigan for your birthday! You love cardigans, it’s the most Marinette gift one could give you. Plus,” she continued, holding up a finger when it looked like Marinette was about to protest, “do you know how many days it would’ve taken to make that? And there’s the fact that you guys literally just started talking this month. Come on, you have to admit that means he likes you! Or maybe is just a little interested? Huh, how about it?” Alya nudged her friend, trying to knock some common sense into her.

For a second, it seemed to work. Marinette bit back a smile, took a deep breath, and-- “Maybe he’s just super super super friendly?”

Alya blinked once, twice. “Yeah, ok, I give up. Keep your macarons.”

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[terrortomato]

AUTISTICLY INFODUMPING ABOUT CROCODILES AND THE PICK 2 MEME

Absolutely livid at how underestimated crocodiles are in that pick two meme. You absolute fucking dumbshits think 10,000 rats, literally a species that survives mostly by excessive breeding and typically serves the purpose of being food for predators higher in the food chain, are going to suddenly become ravenous bloodthirsty tyrants and skin their prey alive with their shitty little front teeth that usually leave a little scratch, can defeat 10 crocodiles, an undefeated, armored apex predator species of 80 fucking million years. You would probably have more luck sending 100 horses to fight them you absolute fucking fridge temperature IQ brainlets.

Crocodiles are intelligent, tactical and cooperative hunters just as much as the lions and wolves on the list of options. They have extremely high aggression so they're perfect for a combat situation unlike the 10,000 rats or even the grizzly bears that people seem to fall for. Depending on when theyve had their breeding season, you may get the pick of the strongest dominant males, the survivors of the culling of breeding competitors. Around the breeding season of Crocs, male crocs tend to go absolutely fucking beast mode and achieve some really insane hunts. They're far less likely to retreat but they still properly evaluate their prey. They typically only retreat when theyve run out of stamina.

They're generally speedy on land but only for short distances, this is ofc because their hunting style is more stealth and surprise oriented - the speed is used for the final lunge. That being said, if this is some kind of battle royale then inevitably a crocodiles opponent will have to attack, it doesnt need to run at all, it can just wait stealthily like it normally does. Obviously if the battle is taking place near or on a body of water then all other opponents are done for. They can swim at about 20kmh effortlessly and for very long periods of time. The crocodiles preferred technique is maiming their prey and drowning them while ripping them apart all in one swift movement so obviously a body of water adds a massive advantage. Theres no out-swimming a crocodile and theres a very low chance of survival for pretty much every mammal.

On the topic of speed, despite their bulky appearance, they're extremely agile in close combat. Often once their opponent is close, their battle ends quick in the crocodiles favor because they can use the weight of their tails to whip their heads behind them should a predator attack from behind.

Also, saltwater crocodiles grow up to like 2,200 lbs. While this takes a toll on their stamina on land, it massively contributes to their superior ability to wrestle their prey. By catching their prey in their jaws and throwing their weight around, they rip their prey into chunks and crush its bones. They can also throw their weight around when galloping on land to help gain momentum, increasing their speed similarly to how a rabbit runs.

Crocodiles only have 24 teeth. Their only purpose is to grip prey and they do that extremely well, even if the prey is barely in their mouth. Crocodiles dont chew their food, they crush it with their jaws and rip it apart as mentioned above. I should probably also mention that THEY HAVE THE STRONGEST BITE OUT OF ANY LIVING BEING ON THE PLANET! Thats right! Stronger than a hippopotamus. That's approximately 3,700 lbs per square inch of force in just one bite, sometimes even more if it's a big saltie lad.

They have extremely strong bones structures on it's back called osteoderms on top of their dermal armor. THIS CAN MAKE THEM PARTIALLY BULLETPROOF!! Of course, whether its effective against bullets depends on the caliber of gun, the distance its shot from and where the shot lands on the croc. That being said, almost everywhere except its belly is covered in strong dermal armour. To get a clean shot, you need to have a high caliber gun, be relatively close (risky) and you can only one shot it if its exposing its belly or the side of its neck... which is not going to happen if its focused on you and not something above it. The hunter in this situation would definitely want to distract it with bait so they can sneak up close and get the shot.

The main challenges to the crocodile in this situation would be the 50 eagles. The odds are balanced out mostly in numbers here. A potential weak spot for the crocodiles here are the eyes. If the eagles were to go for the eyes, that would obviously be extremely risky given how close it is to the jaw. Not only that but Crocodiles can hold their breath underwater for an hour. Theres a chance that crocodiles could hold their own against eagle attacks for long enough before eventually landing bites on all 50 eagles. Itd be a lengthy, monumental task for only 10 of them though. With the eagles strength in numbers, one could lure the crocodile to jump up from water or land while other eagles could then attack its exposed belly. If this battle takes place on land, they could slash around the crocodiles throats. The numbers here lead more likely to an eagle victory, but a crocodile victory is not impossible.

I've seen some people claim that crocodiles are the weaker option because they're so close to the ground that you can just jump over them. This absolutely hysterical because you're jumping directly into their line of fire! Try to jump over a crocodile headed towards you and you're basically doing all of the work for them. But yeah sure dude! Why not shoot your shot :)

Now I think most people have come to the reasonable conclusion that almost every animal would probably die in this situation and the winner wouldnt be clear at all. Its true that it would mostly just be a loss for everyone. Crocodiles arent exempt from that likelihood. The 10,000 rats are obviously going to have more survivors however they provide absolutely no attack or defense capabilities so they're a useless option if you're picking a team to defend you. Also crocodiles can live up to 100 years old whereas rats live up to about 4 years. Should this battle take place over many years, the crocodiles would probably just live off eating the rats after the other predator species are taken down, making it the clear winner over the rats. Theres absolutely nothing a rat can do to harm a crocodile given how strong the dermal armour of a croc is. All rats can do is run away.

As for the rest, 10 is a very generous number of crocodiles given that you're only offered 1 human, 15 wolves, 7 bulls, 5 gorillas, all significantly weaker animals that the crocodiles could wipe the floor with in the animal kingdom.

The grizzlys normally would be a challenge but because the OP of the pick 2 meme underestimated crocs, we have 10 crocs and 3 bears. A swift bite to the leg of a bear and a heavy throw to the ground for it to be attacked by another crocodile would have the bears finished in minutes. The claws of the bear, blunt or sharp would be a tickle on a crocs armor. Normally blunt bear claw can crush skulls in a single blow. This wouldnt work on a crocodile anywhere near as effectively as crocodiles have an exoskeleton and one of the sturdiest skulls in the animal kingdom. A bear bite is weak as shit compared to crocs and it would be weak against a croc as well for reasons I just stated. A bear wouldnt want to get their head too close to a croc anyway because itd give the croc an opportunity for a single-bite kill around the skull and neck. Granted the bears are faster on land but they're not particularly agile in close combat. Usually this isnt an issue in the bears habitat but in the case of a crocodile, theyll get caught by those quick jaws. These poor bastards have to fight each other anyway in this scenario so the crocodiles would conserves energy by waiting for the bears to get close. In terms of temperament, grizzlies wouldnt go near crocs unless the crocs were actively threatening them. Even then, a heavy tail whip could stun a grizzly and some degree of hesitation or even a retreat. From the perspective of some massive hungry crocs however, 3 grizzly bears might look appetizing and with the unwavering gameness of locked-jaw male crocs, the bears would be fucked.

The 4 lions would be an even bigger challenge because lions are even faster than bears. Both are apex predators of their habitats so normally, it would all come down to who's habitat they're fighting on. That being said, theres been many records of large male nile crocs confronting entire packs of lions on land and coming out on top. And once again, the OP underestimated crocodiles. We have 10 crocodiles and 4 lions. The crocs clearly clap the lions here.

Overall, the strength is determined by how many encounter each other + whether or not the animals are injured or starved + the strength and defense of each animal. That being said its fucking ASTOUNDING to me that barely anyone picks the APEX PREDATOR FOR TENS OF MILLIONS OF YEARS, COMPLETELY UNEVOLVED SINCE, PERFECTED IN THE ART OF HUNTING AND STILL LOW RISK OF EXTINCTION over 10,000 small, defenseless, lower in the food chain animals that dont attack in the way people are hypothetically strategizing and are easy food for every other animal listed.

[depressedoverdrawings]

Can you hear the tumult of our youth?

KazeKi is the first romance I’ve ever enjoyed, or rather, that I emotionally connected with, as “enjoy” is a funny word choice for a work that made me feel so miserable. Personally, I’ve never enjoyed media that focuses on relationships and love, were they movies, TV, or literature.

But after I discovered KazeKi, I found myself drawn to it, almost involuntarily so. It was as if a spell had been cast. I suppose what superficially drew me in, at first, was the art. It had the charm of retro manga (I absolutely love retro manga/anime looks, IMO they have so much more character than most modern anime and manga), the nostalgic elegance of the idealized upper-class XIX century, and the unrelenting beauty and cuteness of all the boys.

It was mildly surreal and highly entertaining to witness the seed of so many shounen-ai visual tropes: The flower motifs, the flowery poetry, the impossibly pretty boys in dramatic embraces and breathy kisses, the aggressive frenchness of it all. Even it was shocking to me how these elements, instead of striking me as the tired, sappy tropes I saw them as, were now all genuine and beautiful, somehow. Even those silly sparkles around pretty boys seemed fitting. I realized these weren’t tropes back then, but elements of a sincere artistc vision. However, while the art was mesmerizing to me, I came to realize that what drew me in deeper, and kept me anchored to KazeKi, were the themes explored, and the character-based drama, the very stuff I had always avoided.

Without getting far too personal about it, Kaze to Ki no Uta was the first romance that struck something within me, somewhere personal. Now, I certainly have never faced trauma and pain anywhere near to what poor Gilbert and Serge face in their absurdly depressing story, but I definitely wouldn’t call myself emotionally and sexually resolved and healthy, and once upon a time I was a closeted boy in a catholic school, so I guess there’s space for a little bit of self-identification. My coping mechanism to my personal woes had always been to just bottle them up and distract myself with entertainment and art. And that was exactly what I was doing, browsing music on YouTube, when I stumbled upon the KazeKi OVA’s soundtrack.

I found myself listening to this gorgeous arrangement of a Chopin piece, and thought to myself, staring at the angelic figure looking back at me, across the screen: “Gee whilikers, that’s sure is a pretty drawing of a pretty girl”. Then, after reading the comments, I found out that was a boy. As much as the “draw a girl, call it a boy” school of drawing pretty boys makes me groan, I could still feel it, that first hook of interest, stabbing me. As the slideshow enticed me with pictures of Keiko Takemiya’s gorgeous art, I found myself enamoured by it. It was a particular drawing that made KazeKi finally snatch me: that same boy, lounging angelically on some sort of abstract architectural design; in the background, a neoclassical vase flanked by two neoclassical girls, and, above and below, this stunningly beautiful vegetation. So much care, skill, and good taste, concentrated in just one image! I’d have it as a poster, if I could. So, I googled “Kaze to Ki no Uta”, unwittingly throwing myself in a rabbit hole I could not have prepared myself for. Trying to read it was in itself a journey, but, to sum it up: I managed to read it about as well as one can, if they don’t speak japanese and have no access to the spanish and italian translations.

It had been years since I had started feeling emotionally numb. My most extreme displays of emotion came in the form of quiet, teary eyes, reserved for those rare, impactful pieces of art, and those rarer moments of despair-inducing introspection that I couldn’t manage to suppress, but even those lasted little, as I fought to recover my composure. By the end of Kaze to Ki no Uta, I was a sobbing wreck, doing my best (and failing) to contain my ugly crying. Ugly crying, for god’s sake. I was ugly crying, actually sobbing like a kid, because of an yaoi manga. Crying in the shower, even! What kind of weeb had I degenerated into? It hurt. It deeply hurt, in a way I hadn’t been made to hurt in a long, long while. KazeKi had impacted me to the point that I wasn’t just sad, I was scared too, as the waterfall of emotion opened the path for that deeper, personal darkness to come out. And it did.

Now, I admit I’d been a little bit more emotionally fragile than usual right before I read it, due to the effects of the quarantine and the previous consumption of a highly depressing piece of media: Les Amitiés Particulières, which is probably even more depressing than KazeKi as it deals with a much more grounded homophobia-induced tragedy based in real life. Somehow, it didn’t impact me as much as KazeKi, however. Also, it was definitely what influenced my personal YouTube algorithm to recommend me the KazeKi soundtrack, so I wouldn’t know of KazeKi if it weren’t for Amitiés. But even then, it felt unnatural to, well, feel so much. I hadn’t felt this invested in and attached to fictional characters ever since I was a little kid, too young to realize those people in the TV weren’t real. In the following couple of weeks, I was crying over these boys, spending whole days feeling like trash, feeling mild anxiety spikes whenever I remembered about KazeKi, having (even more) difficulty falling asleep, and utterly failing to avoid thinking about my deep-seated intimate issues, all because of these dumb, pretty anime boys. Not even my trusty prayer of “they’re not real people, stop being stupid” worked. In an attempt to stop wallowing in this shounen-ai hell, I decided to consume a whole lot of escapist media while I deliberately avoided any activity related to KazeKi, be it reading the manga, listening to the OVA’s soundtrack, looking at fanart, or even just thinking about it. It “worked” for a month or so, but now I’m back here, wallowing in KazeKi’s painful beauty again, stalking the other seven people in the western world that seem to care about KazeKi, and distilling my thoughts in this bizarre textwall, in an attempt to work it out. If you’re one of those seven people, please don’t refrain from talking to me, if you feel like it! I’ve had just one opportunity to have a conversation about KazeKi, and it was in YouTube comments, for heaven’s sake. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m this afflicted by KazeKi due to its unrelenting, merciless, cruel beauty. Everything about it is presented in this assembly of pure beauty and lost perfection, this painful nostalgia that is present in its aesthetics of an idealized Europe which lives only in its surviving art, that is present in the story which ultimately tells us of the loss of love, and is present in the fact that the whole story is a broken man’s reverie about the past. Tragedy might make me sad, but tragedy with beauty will destroy me. Bittersweetness is just so more cruel than bitterness. And it was this masterpiece of sadistic bittersweetness that permanently broke something in how I deal with my emotions. Kaze to Ki no Uta touched me deeply, to the point of leaving a permanent impression, I’m afraid. I can count in one hand the pieces of art that have punched my soul in the face like KazeKi did. I am honestly flabbergasted over the effect it had over me. At first I felt embarrassed over being emotionally obliterated by a freaking shounen-ai, but I’ve since come to the conclusion that KazeKi is a work of art, a genuine, sincere work of art, deserving of the title. Now I just hope I’m not alone in being emotionally obliterated by this freaking shounen-ai. After everything they went through, the personal fights, the shaky development of their relationship, the undeserved ostracism at Lacombrade, Auguste’s demonic persecution, the escape; how could it be that Gilbert’s life would end in such a horrible way, and that Serge would be left alone to face the full, unbearable weight of his grief! Why?! Keiko Takemiya, you’re a vile sadist. You’re a genius, too, of course. But you’re a vile sadist.

I knew that a happy ending wasn’t going to happen. The horrible ending was a pretty early spoiler, really. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t stop myself from reading on anyway, and I couldn’t stop myself from having an inkling of illogical hope. Even if my logical self knew a happy ending wasn’t gonna happen, it couldn’t prepare me for just how tragically their love would end, and how awful it all would feel, once I knew their full story.

It’s all the more bitter because of how close Serge came to saving him, too. Having escaped together to a place where they could’ve built the nearest thing to a normal life a gay couple could have, back then. But in the end, not even Serge’s love could mend Gilbert’s mutilated soul. Those boys deserved so much better, especially Serge. Serge, you sweet angel! You were created to suffer.

KazeKi really is a masterpiece in how it explores its extremely heavy themes and the minds of its characters, and how it flawlessly meshes that with perfect art. There are many moments in KazeKi that haunt me: Serge letting that bird go, Serge’s vision of Gilbert at the Lacombrade grounds, Gilbert running into the carriage, angel wings behind him; Serge laying alone on the bed in Room 17. I cannot look at those pages without tearing up and feeling this horrible feeling in my heart, and this feeling is literal: My heart actually feels heavy and constricted when I think about it, it can’t be healthy. Up until now, I thought “cri evrytiem” was just a meme. KazeKi has woken me up to the fact that bottling up one’s own personal issues will inevitably end with them exploding out, leading to something much, much worse. I am scared by the prospect of facing my personal issues. To me, they are horribly strong, and seem incredibly hard to solve, if they’re even solvable at all. I’m horrified by the prospect of facing them, working to solve them. I’m so scared, that simply thinking about it, right now, gives me this awful weight in my chest, and makes me want to cry, again. But I know now that I have no choice in this matter, as the only alternative is that abyss I dare not speak of, and one cannot return from. Melodramatic? Yes. But I did just read Kaze to Ki no Uta.

Thank you for getting this far, whoever you are.

I’m forever haunted by Serge’s words to his long-gone Gilbert, right at the beginning:

“Gilbert Cocteau, you were the greatest flower to ever bloom in my life. In the faraway dreams of youth, you were a bright red flame, blazing so fiercely… You were the wind that stirred my branches. Can you hear the poem of the wind and trees? Can you hear the tumult of our youth? Oh, there must be others who so remember their own days of youth…”

[ryttu3k]

I want to have them all on Tumblr, so. Here are my reaction posts, in order, for Resolution of the Daleks and season 12, part 1!

Resolution of the Daleks

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Resolution! Spoilers, obviously!

Okay, negative first, just to get it out of the way. Doctor Who, I really appreciate that you consistently have queer minor characters and queer couples. Just super casual and all, as it should be. Now can you please stop killing off half of said couples? Angstrom's wife, Frankie, now this young guy? It's really not cool.

Don't think the voiceover worked. I feel the prologue would have worked better with just visuals.

Again, Yaz didn't have much to do. The Doctor got a ton of action, Ryan and Graham both had significant interactions with Aaron, Yaz was... just kind of there. I'm hoping that when the show comes back in a year, now that Ryan has largely dealt with his issues, Yaz will get more attention?

UNIT was killed by Brexit?! Fuckin' rude!

Okay, on to the positive!

The Dalek was, frankly, fucking scary. Despite knowing that the Doctor would beat it, obviously, it caused huge swathes of damage and racked up a... rather high body count. Like it felt like a proper threat. Also, its ability to stop the TARDIS tracking it and stuff. Lin's terror felt extremely genuine and it was just nice and horrific overall, like - if it wasn't for the Doctor, it would feel like a genuine threat to the entire Earth.

(Also, it shut down the wifi. On New Years Day. What a monster!)

Oh man that Dalek laughter. Creepy as fuck. The Doctor dragging it in via hologram to dare it to laugh in her face? Fucking iconic.

"I've learned to think like a Dalek." Oof.

Doctor vs Dalek. Not just the physical aspect, but the mental part - the Doctor recognising the seriousness of it, but also having that element of cockiness ("Oh, mate") because, frankly, she's dealt with bigger threats. She's right when she points out that the biggest problem will be if regular humans try to engage it!

Elements of Dark!Doctor when she asks the team - almost desperately - if she gave it enough chances, if she was nice enough. Because the Doctor can get fucking scary around Daleks and she knows it. She's nice. She's friendly. But she's also the Doctor, and the Doctor has done some really damn questionable things to stop the Daleks, and she knows that. Fantastically done and I still desperately want some proper Dark!Doctor.

Really liked the parallels between the Doctor using scrap to make her sonic screwdriver, vs the Dalek using scrap to make its armour. The Doctor makes a tool, the Dalek makes items of war. Of course, well, the Doctor is probably more dangerous just with a swiss army sonic than a Dalek blaster...

I love how the whole, "Dads are complicated... so I've heard" bit could refer to either the loom thing or the Doctor having actual parents or the Doctor being a shitty dad themself XD

Graham was so excited to show off the TARDIS! Like he's just going, "How cool is this?!"

There were some legitimately funny moments! Graham's chair, "I suppose... we'll have to have a... conversation?", "Junkyard chic"... UNIT was killed by Brexit like that's so awful but. But in a kind of funny way.

Okay, now the unsure. Ryan, Graham, and Aaron. Ryan and Graham have sorted out their issues - but Aaron is still such a big overshadowing part of it that it's a bit of a shock when he comes back in. As someone with a similarly shit biological father, I was completely empathising with Ryan in the coffee shop conversation. And I do understand why they wanted reconciliation, so they showed Aaron as acknowledging his bullshit and Ryan ultimately choosing to forgive and save him.

But it's just... not that easy. It's not all going to be perfect just because they stopped a Dalek together. Aaron's neglect hurt Ryan really badly, and it just felt... too easy? Like it helped that Aaron was genuinely contrite, and that he had that good stepfather talk with Graham, but just... yeah, not sure how I feel about it, honestly.

The Doctor's first words to him being, "You weren't at Grace's funeral. Ryan waited for you, you let him down" were so, so good. Like the Doctor is just going "fuck you I'm his father now". Like tbh I think she was 100% prepared to yeet him off the TARDIS and be done with it. Like damn don't emotionally hurt one of her crew.

Some wonderfully savage lines, though. The Doctor's, "You're almost making up for your parenting deficit!"; Aaron and Ryan's, "Is that how you talk to your dad?" "I don't know, he's not been around"; Graham's fucking smirk when Ryan pointedly calls him 'Gramps'.

I did see a suggestion that would have made it much better - instead of the Dalek capturing Aaron, it captures Ryan. First, it ups the threat in the mind of the Doctor and Team TARDIS - this isn't some dickhead, this is one of them. And instead, it's Aaron who reaches out to Ryan, Aaron who risks his life, Aaron who has to come through for Ryan, instead of the other way around. Also would have tied in beautifully with, "Family isn't about DNA, or a name. It's about what you do, and you haven't done enough."

Also, 'srs tech skillz'. With a Z. Doctor why.

In conclusion, I am going to fight Nigel Farage for killing UNIT.

-

Spyfall part 1

Current response to Doctor Who: making a near-literal SDKFJHGSDASDKFH sound, grabbing a cushion, nearly throWING THE CUSHION.

More intelligent commentary when my brain comes back online.

-

Okay. Am calm. Am good! We're good.

MAJOR SPOILERS for Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 1!

So yeah I actually literally screamed (kind of... scream-laugh-holy-shit-yes). Like, even before Dhawan finished speaking the, "Or should I say spy... Master?" line because of the way he had said 'spymaster' in full in the line before and there's nothing that grabs my brain like that one word in that one context. It wasn't quite as mindblowing as the Utopia reveal, since, let's face it, it's only been a season since we last saw that magnificant arsehole, but still.

(Actually, since I didn't watch Twelve's run, the last time I saw them was exactly a decade ago in The End of Time, broadcast New Years Day 2010. And I still fucking cry over, "Get out of the way." So. That may have been why I literally screamed lmao)

I mean. It's the Master. I can't not. They're my favourite jerk. This is probably slightly concerning.

Anyway. Comments!

The good

Episode was just flat-out exciting. It reminded me both of the Three and Ten eras, a bit? Fun gadgets, fancy suits, and what ends up being a giant game! Did start wondering when they were talking about spies and codes and stuff. It's basically a puzzle that's been set up for the Doctor to solve. Plus, the way she was pretty much enlisted into it! Thirteen and Dhawan!Master might end up having a more Pertwee-Delgado-esque dynamic, maybe? I would be down for that!

(My introductory episode to the Master was The Mind of Evil. Let's just put it that way XD)

"I'm her best enemy." <3

I mean, in retrospect, isolated house full of high-tech stuff and a wall full of books about the Doctor... oh honey. Long, looong game of playing Spies and Conspiracies just for, apparently, the sheer funsies of it. Oh, honey. They're such a disaster and I love them.

The reveal scene, Jodie's acting. The way she just... freezes and hunches in on herself. She's been hiding her past more than other Doctors have in the past, and suddenly, here is her past!! Right here!! Laughing and joking and right there in front of her! And she's just like, "Ohhh shit, I was not ready to have this conversation again..."

Yasmin and Ryan's dynamic. I do like that they split up the usual combos of Thirteen-Yasmin and Graham-Ryan for once, because I do like seeing the way they play off each other! It makes them feel more cohesive as a group. I liked Ryan trying to comfort Yasmin after her experience.

Post-reveal, I'm now wondering if the weird zappy forest thing is the Master's TARDIS? Something to do with changing and processing DNA into something else? Something based around neurons, with the electric travelling system? Am also wondering what happened to Yasmin while in there, since she seemed to be processed in some way, and I'm wondering if she had part of her DNA rewritten as well - or maybe if she's been replaced entirely, like she's currently piloting an alien version of her own body while her actual self is still in there. They did already do that with Flesh!Amy, though.

Once this arc is over, I think Thirteen is definitely going to have to sit down and tell the Fam who the hell she actually is. Graham is having some serious questions, and the Master was definitely egging that on, pre-reveal.

How much do I love that even in a tux, the Doctor still has the culottes and boots? A lot, that is how much. Also, how much do I love the Doctor in a suit and on a motorbike? A lot, that is how much.

"I've had an upgrade." <3

Thirteen playing Snap. It's okay, Thirteen, you still win my heart <3

"Worst! Uber! Ever!!"

"Kisses!" Yes, we know ;) They've been texting! Someone write me a WhatsApp chat fic with plenty of subtext and double meaning, I require it. Also, memes. You know it's true. The Master isn't a Time Lord, they're a Meme Lord.

"Everything you think you know is a lie." Season hook? :o

The hmm

Main concern is how they're handling the Master's characterisation? Last we saw, they were so ready to jump the Doctor ship. Now it's back to games. Kind of wondering if that means the Master is just at the point of being resigned that they and the Doctor just don't work and so is going back to games because at least it makes them happy, but I'm happy to wait until next week to see how things play out!

Did see a suggestion that this is the Master from one of the alternate universes (or at least that seems to be the general consensus on why there were multiple maps), so not actually necessarily the same version as Missy. Alternatively, this could actually be a pre-Missy version! Maybe between Simm!Master and Missy, since we never actually see that regeneration?

Actually, if this is the one immediately before Missy and this two-parter ends with the Master regenerating and we actually do get Thirteen and Missy together on screen I may cry.

(Like I'm aro-ace and agender but I'm still so gay for both of them. There is no word other for this emotion other than 'I'm gay'.)

I kind of wish someone had double-checked the name of the company because VOR running the world is. Is. "Right now, VOR is more powerful than most nations." Just. *pinches bridge of nose* Like okay you know how we say 'oh yeah just google it' 'yeah I googled it' are they really gonna say 'yeah I just VO

'I'm going to V

I can't say it. I can't.

Apparently the Australia scenes were filmed in South Africa. Kind of assumed it wasn't really Australia as soon as I saw actually greenery in the background h e h.

Highkey wish I could have seen Missy and Thirteen together. Dhawan!Master is very fun so far but. Missy and Thirteen. See comment above about the Master's characterisation!

...ABC are you really going to keep to Thursday night broadcasts even after the UK switches their Sunday nights / our Monday mornings? Well that's a good way to guarantee I'll be watching them online first! I was happy to wait twelve hours or so so I could watch it with Mum, but like hell I'm going to wait three and a half days!

In conclusion, am dead, send help, is it Monday morning yet?

-

Spyfall part 2

Thoughts on Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 2!

GALLIFREY LOOOOORE.

Oh man I'm hyped. We got a teeny teaser to the Timeless Child way back last decade but now we may actually get to see what the fuck is going on. And hell, if nothing else, at least the discovery is being teased to be so devastating it did undo Missy's characterisation. If this incarnation of the Master is after her, at least. Still not necessarily anything to suggest that. The Master will likely be recurring over this season, so we'll find out more, at least!

God, the Master is so fucked up. Like. He's seen something apparently so massively traumatic that he had to destroy his own planet and legitimately does look broken by it? Unless he was acting, but I did not get that impression from the message at the end. And the only way he can think of to get the Doctor's attention is to start his old tricks? Not sure if it's better or worse for him to be pre-Missy tbh.

It's just... such an interesting dynamic. Also I really want to read into the whole... scene where the Master asks the Doctor to kneel and call him 'Master' in front of everyone - then, when she does (defiantly! Stubbornly!), he... kneels to be at the same level as her. Like, "I'm going to play these BDSM-esque power games with you but when it comes down to it, I still consider us equal."

Anyway the Master is def a service top.

This comment from Tumblr user upslapmeal:

"'why would it stop? I mean how else would I get your attention’ what did I say about the Master being like a cat knocking things off shelves"

I mean. Yeah.

"Contact." Old school.

The Companions! They get a capital C because they were rad as hell. I love them all deciding that what they do next is: carry on to save the world. Like they're all heroic af without the Doctor and it's so good.

"Don't make me do a soft-shoe shuffle!"

And questioning at the end, oooh man. There are some Implications there, yeah. They've found out some surface information, yes, but no real hint at the deeper trauma. And given what this coming season is hinting at, I strongly suspect we will indeed be getting that deeper trauma and maybe even Dark!Doctor. Gallifrey does tend to bring it out of them...

The whole on-the-run thing seemed to definitely be a callback to Sound of Drums. Uh, what's that going to do long-term? Send out a worldwide message saying, "Sorry, our bad, they're fine"? I mean, last time that happened... okay, Jack was already with Torchwood and so is used to Not Really Existing, but Martha definitely couldn't go back to fuckin' medical school. She ended up at UNIT and then went independent. They did not return to their normal lives.

Barton: needs a goddamn punch. He killed his mother what the fuck. On the plus side, at least he seems to have thoroughly destroyed his career? Be interesting to see if he reappears later, you don't go from the most powerful person on the planet to massive pariah overnight without Repercussions.

On to our guest characters! I hate to brag but I guessed who Ada was as soon as I heard her first name and saw her outfit. I mean the computers theme was already there, who else would she be? :D And I admittedly didn't know who Noor Inayat Khan was except in passing, but still. Little upset about the erased memories (Donna ;_; ), but I can see why the Doctor did it and like... this way, I'm glad they were able to avoid the implications of, "Ada only developed computing because she had already seen the future." Like people said that with Rosa Parks even though the Doctor said explicitly to only ensure there were enough seats filled and the act itself was all Rosa, so they may have wanted to play it safe.

I... really want to comment on how Ada definitely was crushing on the Doctor (and really, who wouldn't?), but she was a real person so I shall avoid those implications. (But really though!)

Doctor how many times have you been in someone's liver. This is some Magic School Bus Inside The Human Body bullshit and I love it.

Doctor's recording: "First of all, you're not gonna die! Second of all, don't talk back to the screens, obviously I'm a recording and I can't hear ya. Third, don't panic. Especially you, Graham."

Graham, panicking: "I'M NOT PANICKING!"

Doctor's recording: "Yes, you were! And I did just say, don't talk back to the screens!"

Graham: "????!?!!"

I want an entire series of the Master having a really infuriating seventy-seven years on Earth. Please.

Comments on continuity issues regarding that, "It's worse than Jodrell Bank!" "Did I ever apologise for that?" "No." "Good." exchange XD;; Like people are going, "Continuity error!! It was the Pharos Project, not Jodrell Bank!!" and like. Pharos was a project. Jodrell Bank is an observatory. You can do projects at observatories. Also, you can refer to projects by location, too. Am I referring to the Canberra Deep Space Communication Project or Tidbinbilla Station? Both! They refer to the same thing! In the Whoniverse, they likely did the Pharos Project at Jodrell Bank, and just had some lighthearted bantz about that time where the Master killed the Doctor, no biggie.

So, onwards to... an apparently unrelated episode for next week! Also, the Kassavin? Still there. Like. The Master only gave suggestions. They still have all those agents everywhere! They're still ready to act! And yeah, now they have the Master in their hands, so... I wonder if they'll make the Timeless Child a long, ongoing arc, and have the much more immediate threat of the Kassavin as the season finale?

-

Orphan 55

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Orphan 55!

...whew.

First thought: anvilicious, but some anvils need to be dropped, because, uh, have you seen the world lately.

It feels like quite a brittle episode? Even beyond the immediate tension of 'there are large angry creatures trying to kill everyone', there's just this sense of... like, tension. There's the tension between Benni and Vilma, which at first is kind of a sweet tension then becomes a life-threatening and sad tension. There's the tension between Roger Parslow Silas and his dad, with Silas not being taken seriously (although I do think him running out while they're in life-threatening danger is a bit much). The obvious and major tension between Bella and Kane that drives the whole episode, yes.

And there's also the tension amongst Team TARDIS! The episode starts with the Doctor still in Some Kinda Way about last week, and I felt a bit of tension between Yaz and Ryan? She seemed rather unimpressed by Bella, at any rate. I do like how organic the relationship between Ryan and Graham feels, at least. "It ain't the aliens that are gonna kill me, it’s worrying about you!"

Set and costume building, I felt, was kind of... eh? I liked how Tranquility itself looked, but the tunnels looked Very Generic, and some of the looks I felt didn't really work. Silas and his dad's green hair just looked very obviously fake, and I saw a description of Hyph3n-with-a-three looking like a cross between a Jellicle Cat and John Candy in Spaceballs (which... yeah, honestly). And I'm not sure about the Dregs, although I did initially have the thought that whatever the original inhabitants of the planet were, they must have been humanoid was amusingly accurate...

"I just pulled this out of a friend of mine! >:("

"Oh! ...We do not make any judgments on our guests and fully support any way you choose to enjoy yourself here at Tranquility Spa! ^_^;;"

"... ... ...It wasn't recreational! o.O"

God you could feel Hyph3n-with-a-three's embarrassment...

"If I had crayons and half a can of Spam, I could build you from scratch!" Excuse me I am at least Tofurky.

Also a logical issue on the whole journey to find Benni, because frankly, it just wasn't... sensible. Okay, bring a kid. Father of the year right there. Okay, bring an old woman. Granted, she could have insisted because it was her man-friend they were looking for, but surely she would have known she would slow them down? Her 'heroic sacrifice' felt very wasted, because dammit, she could have survived if she had stayed in the Dome where it was at least a bit safer!

"At least three eighths of a plan, right here! ...Two eights. I'll be honest, all I've got is the letter 'P'..."

So the Doctor is almost at the point of passing out from oxygen loss but hang on, let her first indulge her curiosity...

The sheer existence of orphan planets is very depressing. The sheer fact that there's at least fifty-five is very depressing.

There's an interesting comment about how straight after discussion of the reveal, the first shot of the preview is the Statue of Liberty. Very Planet of the Apes! (No apes next time, just Tesla vs Edison!) Also feeling a strong connection to Midnight (stunning resort on dangerous planet with a very personal enemy), and I saw a comment about Thirteen unintentionally The-End-Of-The-World-ing the Fam (and making a connection between 'very angry trees' and the Forests of Cheem). Bit of Ravolox. Bit of... fuck what was it... Curse of Fenric.

Although, we know that the Earth will eventually be consumed by the sun, and it was done in a way that was like... it was its time. This was not its time, was a colossal fuck-up on a planetary scale (and the Doctor continues to be 'eat the rich'), but it's also only one potential future. Which is good, because that got dark. Even more than The End of the World, even more than Utopia, even more than fuckin' Frontios, because this is the near-future. The shots we saw of the destruction were modern day! That was the Dome of the Rock you saw getting bombed!

"Be smarter than what made you." PAGING THE GOVERNMENT...

Going to put it on a solid... maybe 7/10? Some really good elements in there, but also some clunkers, and unfortunately not a patch on the same writer's It Takes You Away, which was one of the strongest of the last season.

-

Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror!

Opinion before episode: man, Tesla's cool. Opinion after episode: man, Tesla is fuckin' cool! :D That was a well-done personality-based historical, absolutely - I think it's my second-favourite personality-based historical only to Rosa (there are other pseudo-historical based ones set in the past that I love, but they're not personality-based; the Human Nature duology is a good example).

But yeah, Tesla just came across as a really, really cool character. Genius and he knew it, yes, and the real Tesla did have some questionable views (sexism, mostly), but otherwise the archetypal Idealistic Genius who wants to change the world for the better. Contrast with Edison, who was... a businessman. With, like, a really punchable face. Still pretty intelligent, but... very, very punchable. I've read about the Tesla-Edison feud before and always sided with Tesla, and let's face it, so did the writer XD

Good mix of character combinations - with a lot of characters, it's easy for someone to get sidelined, but this managed to handle Thirteen and the Fam, and Tesla, Dorothy, and Edison, pretty well. There were some neat combinations, like Ryan and Dorothy bonding over the sense of adventure, and Graham and Edison's confrontation; I also really loved the whole conversation between Thirteen and Tesla on the joy of just... creating. There's actually a very nice overlap between arts and sciences.

Antagonists - not bad? I feel a lot of people were expecting the Racnoss, and there was such a similarity that I would have liked at least a throwaway line about how the Skithra were related or something. Ooh man she definitely brought out Dark!Doctor, though. Teleporting the queen back to the ship, specifically so she can be fried? I mean, she might have survived it. Might. And just that fantastic little change of expression when the queen asks the Doctor if she's ever seen a dead planet before! Whittaker pulled that one off.

There's a very interesting compare and contrast between the Skithra and Edison, I found. Thirteen has her speech about how once the Skithra are gone, they won't be remembered. Caput. Forgotten. They left nothing behind. Compare and contrast to Edison, who was openly accused of using other people's work, but who's able to learn from his mistakes, end on an even(ish) setting with Tesla, and who does get remembered. Which kind of stings, honestly, if you look at Tesla's actual history.

Like. Apparently that, "The man just didn't understand the American sense of humour," line was an actual historical line, according to Tesla's own records. The absolute main reason for the difference in fame and recognition is that Tesla was a genius who didn't know how to market. Edison was a marketer who could invent a bit. So in conclusion Edison is a dick and Tesla needs more respect, the end.

Favourite lines and scenes:

Tesla: "Is - is this your own design?" Thirteen: "I made it! Mainly out of spoons! :D" Tesla: "You're an inventor! :D" Thirteen: "I have my moments." Tesla: "I knew it! So you... so, you can understand how it feels, you know, when you have an idea, and - and to make it real. I don't think there's any greater thrill!" Thirteen: "I couldn't agree more." Tesla: "You... you spoke of aliens. People here laugh at the very idea." Thirteen: "But not you." Tesla: "Well, apparently I'm not like other people. It can be difficult, you know, to feel no one else sees the world the way you do. It's like you're, uh..." Thirteen: "...out of place."

Graham: "Yeah, still. I bet you'd jump at the chance to have him back working for you, wouldn't ya?" Edison: "Yeah?" Graham: "Yeah!" Edison: "How d'you figure that?" Graham: "'Cause I had a supervisor like you at my old depot. And men like you don't pay a bloke that much attention unless you think there's a payout comin'."

Thirteen: "I wouldn't go killing me and Yaz. 'Cause Yaz... can tell you what this is." Yaz: "It's a camera!" Thirteen: "Bingo!" *FLASH!*

Edison: "I couldn't figure it out either." Tesla: "The internal dimensions transcend the external." Thirteen: *GRIN* Edison: ._.

Thirteen: "You do realise, it's killing Edison that they want you and not him? ;D"

Graham: "Don't worry. This ain't our first rodeo!" Ryan: "We've never been to a rodeo." Graham: "...you're not helping, Ryan..."

Thirteen: "And what are you queen of, exactly? A stolen ship and second-hand guns? A queen of shreds and patches. You're not a ruler, you're a parasite." Queen: "And what are you? So clever, stealing onto my ship, taking what I claim as mine. But where has it got you? No weapons. No armour. No escape. Just the desperate hope you might change my mind." Thirteen: "No, we are way past that. I gave you your chance." Queen: "A chance to be like you?" Thirteen: "A chance to evolve. But you were too stupid to take it. When you die, there'll be nothing left behind - just a trail of blood and other people's brilliance. No one will even know you existed."

(Side note: I love that this speech was actually in front of the companions. They're starting to see that things are Not Okay.)

Thirteen: "Don't give up." Yaz: "Whatever anyone says." Tesla: "Well, let them talk. The present is theirs. I work for the future... and the future is mine."

Favourite incorrect lines:

Thirteen and Tesla, firing at the ship: "VIBE CHECK!"

-

Fugitive of the Judoon

I'M GONNA... NEED A HOT MOMENT TO PROCESS THAT...

-

WELL I. UH. OKAY.

lmao I'm serious I don't even know where to begin.

Uh, some very disorganised comments on Doctor Who - Fugitive of the Judoon!

I squealed when I heard Jack's voice then saw him in the flesh. I gasped audibly when 'Ruth' broke the glass. I yelped when we saw the buried TARDIS. I MAY HAVE SCREAMED A LITTLE WHEN 'RUTH' INTRODUCED HERSELF.

(Also can we talk about her outfit. That was on point.)

I'm getting a very... very early vibe? She didn't know what the sonic screwdriver was, and that was introduced with Troughton. Since we saw the Hartnell-Troughton regeneration, she must be pre-Hartnell? Maybe a Doctor whose memories were rewritten to the point that they thought the Hartnell incarnation was the earliest? Not to mention that was a pretty old-school-looking TARDIS!

Alternatively, maybe between Troughton and Pertwee? Either option has some inconsistency - if she's post Troughton, she should have known what the sonic was, although it admittedly did look very different. Plus, her TARDIS is already its police box shape, which was implied to have set in the junkyard. Also, we never actually do see the regeneration between Two and Three, and it could explain why Gallifrey was after her - she escaped after her trial after The War Games!

Definitely early, though.

Alternatively alternatively, Thirteen actually does say 'time is swirling around me'. Maybe an alternate timeline. Something to tie back to the Timeless Child?

"I've lived for thousands of years, so long I've lost count. I've had so many faces. How long have you known me? You don't know me. Not even a little bit."

That wasn't just aimed at the companions. I feel that was aimed at the Doctor themself.

(Related: the response from the fam was flat-out beautiful. Doesn't matter who she was or who she'll be. They know her now, and they love her.)

Just. Wow. Wow.

Really cool note from Twitter - disguised name was Ruth Clayton. Ruth = 'friend, companion'. Clayton = 'of the Earth'. She literally named herself 'friend of the Earth'.

"You're probably a bit confused right now."

I mean. Yeah. Confused and intrigued and what.

"Don't do points! I do points! Points are my thing!"

Jack. Jack. Smooching Graham, hitting on all the companions, getting into Shenanigans! The Lone Cyberman - I wonder if that's a totally different crisis that isn't even related to the current Gallifrey-Timeless Child one? The more important part is Jack's presence - the presence of another time traveller with a... unique relationship with the universe. The actual warning could be a red herring, but Jack showing up anywhere in the first place is a sign that something is happening with time?

Orphan 55 had a timeline that may or may not have been the 'real' one. Being only a potential future kind of doesn't work with what we know of established DW continuity, so I'm liking the 'alternate timeline' theory, maybe?

Ryan: "I liked him. Kind of cheesy."

Yaz: "But good cheesy."

Thirteen, smiling: "That's Jack."

Graham just standing there going, "He kissed me tho? ...Wasn't bad, actually."

"Is she safe?" Jack, honestly, is she ever safe?

"When she needs me... I'll be there." Oh yeah, he's so coming back later this season.

Also, Judoon, chameleon arch, the Master, Jack - getting big season 29 vibes here and that's a big thumbs up for me because that's my favourite season. We just need Martha to make an appearance now!

...hehe honestly, between Jodie's entire existence, and now, in the span of five episodes, introducing Dhawan!Master, Gat, and now Jo Martin as the first black female Doctor, and reintroducing Jack, one of the most overtly and openly queer characters on the series, the 'Doctor Who is too PC!' bunch are going to be so mad XD

"A platoon of Judoon... near the moon." / "Look at you, your platoon of Judoon near the... that lagoon..."

Man. The close-up in the very first shot of the watch. Nice tie-in.

"The Doctor never uses weapons!" "I know! Shut up! >.>"

Where do the Kasaavin come into play? Is this something they've done by integrating themselves throughout time and space? Maybe they're fraying the fabric?

My mind is blown. I can't wait for the rest of this season :D

-

[Part 2 - Praxeus to The Timeless Children]

[hellyeahomeland]

Things Carrie Wore This Week

TCWTW hive, last week we ate. This week, we feast. 

This is the same ensemble Carrie was wearing at the end of last week’s episode but I just have to say I totally love it. Carrie in all black is perfection. 

Her earrings are these little silver dome studs. Remember when Carrie wearing earrings was a surprising occurrence? Props to the costume department this season because Carrie has worn ALL THE EARRINGS and looked great doing it. 

~the last Theory pantsuit~

She buttoned both buttons... again. I was exasperated last week... I’m now so mellow about it all that I don’t even care. Hey, it’s waist-defining. You do you, Carrie!

She did TUCK IN HER SHIRT. I’m gasping!!! The shirt is (probably) a long-sleeve blouse, in this actually very nice olive-y green color that looks more brownish here. This is great, too! Sorry, I’m reveling in the tucked shirt. If she’d done a French tuck I would have passed through to another dimension.

Interlude the First:

Bonus ~Things Tasneem Wore This Week~

This fucking gorgeous ~eggplant~ ensemble. This is officially my favorite of the season, but purple is my favorite color so I’m not impartial. And the pearls! Which, per Nimrat Kauer, are actually her mother’s? I love that! I love this show! Thank you life, thank you love, it is true, there are some angels in this city! 

Anyway, where were we? 

Oh, right! Carrie goes to the West Bank and throws on this actually lovely dark teal Henley. This is fabulous! I love the sleeve length. The color is wonderful and looks tremendous on her. 

Here’s the full look. Her dependable black skinny jean, the black suede boots. Oh, and the gun. This is your look, Carrie. This is an A. Bravo. 

Interlude the Second:

~Bonus Things Hugh Dancy Wore This Week~

ANOTHER FUCKING KNITTED TIE. I am beyond amused at this homie and his tragique facial hair and his $10,000 suits and his Park Slope knitted tie. 

I’m just... honestly kudos to Hugh Dancy for bringing the ultimate sliminess to this role. He was overjoyed, you could tell. But these knitted ties. How many does he have? Eighteen? In different shades of blue and grey? Anyhoozles, I’m sure John Zabel landed squarely on his feet and is headlining his own Fox News primetime show. 

ARE YOU ALL READY? WE’RE ABOUT TO GO TWO YEARS INTO THE FUTURE.

How does one describe the feeling when the camera slowly pans over to Carrie Mathison, hair perfectly curled, sitting in her beautifully- yet moodily-lit Moscow penthouse at her vanity, wearing a silk robe in a lovely shade of mauve, applying mascara? Remember that other dimension I mentioned above? I’M IN IT. 

I’m... speechless. You know that meme that’s like “when you listen to your new favorite song so many times that you eventually get sick of it”? I’m in danger of reaching that territory.

She’s wearing lingerie?? She’s smiling?????? She!!!!!!!!!! 

(admittedly the lingerie doesn’t fit that well but WHO GIVES A SHIT)

(we’re all in agreement that everything Carrie wears in the last twenty minutes has been a gift from Yevgeny because he is apparently rolling in cash and loves to shower her with presents, right? and she indulges him because she loves him and she knows she looks fucking awesome?)

PAUSE to just take in this scene:

The mid-century-style vanity with all her makeup neatly arranged. Y’all, I’m wheezing!!

His and hers stools at the foot of the bed. 

The largeness of it. This bedroom is massive!! I thought Saul’s bedroom was giant (it is), this is on another level. 

“I just like how he’s always leaning. Against stuff. He leans great.”

Another smile. God, these close-mouthed smiles, I’m truly in another reality.

ANYWAY: the necklace. It’s a Dominique Cohen “diamond pendant necklace (large), in 18k yellow gold, 22-inch chain,” 0.85 carats of white diamonds. It is now officially called “the Carrie” and you can buy it for the low, low price of $3600 (really, it’s on sale).

Yevgeny being a man who knows jewelry is so damn on brand it’s ridiculous. 

Not the series but IJLTP.

Interlude the Third: Carrie and Yevgeny: A Height Difference Made in Heaven

(married couple) 

(how is he so giant)

(she’s wearing heels and still just comes up to his chin!!!!)

They’re a match made in heaven, and that’s actually where I am right now. 

THE COAT. THE HEELS. It’s hard to tell in this photo but her toenails are also painted black. In case we had any doubt that Carrie is living her best life!! 

This coat is gorgeous and so unexpected. They could have just had her wear a more standard black peacoat, but instead they went with this decidedly more elegant textured (beaded?) number. Also, Yevgeny had the coat waiting for her when she walked down the stairs. Did she pick this out beforehand? It’s very much an evening coat, I’m just wondering how he knew that’s what she’d want to wear. 

Good God the last twenty minutes of this episode are just Carrie looking stunning and radiant. It’s what we deserve, and we absolutely love to see it! 

Ok, the earrings! They are also Dominique Cohen (and therefore almost certainly a previous gift from Yevgeny?), specifically the 1.5-inch oval diamond hoops in 18k yellow gold with 0.44 carats of white diamonds. You can get them for the low, low price of $2750 (again, they’re on sale!).

Y’ALL. THEY MADE A CARRIE COLLECTION. CARRIE MATHISON HAS A COLLECTION. OF JEWELRY. NAMED AFTER HER. 

My girl’s not just surviving, she’s thriving. 

The outfit. The top is by Narciso Rodriguez, from his pre-fall 2018 collection: “matte black sequin embroidered one-shoulder silk top.” 

Given that Claire Danes’ favorite designer is Narciso Rodriguez and they are dear friends, do we think this is from Claire’s own wardrobe? ‘Twould be fitting, I’ll say that. The whole ~lewk (especially the asymmetry!) is so Claire it’s wild. 

I”m fairly certain the skirt is Narciso Rodriguez too, because why not?! 

The much-speculated-about purse is the Tango bag by Tissa Fontaneda (sells for $770, but she bought two so that’s $1540). Again, très distinct. The taste! 

CARRIE HAS A TANLINE. CARRIE A. MATHISON.

From which remote beach location did they just return? Croatia, maybe? Or Fiji? Please let me know your thoughts.

By the way, it goes without saying how fabulous Carrie looks. She looks gorgeous. The curled hair is... *chef’s kiss* It got me thinking whether this is a look (the curled hair) she goes with more often than not now... I can’t decide! 

The ring! What an unusual ring. I love how geometric it is. God, Carrie wearing three distinct pieces of jewelry is something I’ll never get over. I’m also calling that this is one of Claire’s own, since my favorite ever credit in a Claire Danes photoshoot is “rings: Danes’ own.” 

Interlude the Last: Claire Danes Wearing Eyeglasses

The ponytail.

Her Zoom username being “Le iPad (2)” is sending me. 

I had to include this because this is a thing Carrie wore. Love the (presumably white) Oxford shirt. This photo will always haunt me. This is Carrie too. No one’s just one thing.

What is Carrie wearing at the end? How about an honest-to-God smile? 

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

IN CONCLUSION: I LOVE YOU, CARRIE. 

[sworntoprotect]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat. Long post!

MUN NAME: Pie     AGE: +25       CONTACT: IM, Ask, Discord (mutuals only, by request)

CHARACTER(S): Cullen

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Dragon Age

FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have a modern verse for everything not Dragon Age, but I might add some actual alt verses for other fandoms

MY LANGUAGE(S): English (native), Spanish (intermediate), Korean (baby lol beginner), bits and bobs of other languages (namely French and French Patois)

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA / ETC. (I started this and realised I’d be bolding almost everything, so: EVERYTHING)

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ PARA / NOVELLA. / ALL

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO / OCCASIONALLY   - only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. / ALL

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. (after my paper is submitted, yeah sure)

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (irl makes coping difficult sometimes)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ WEEKS / MONTHS / YEARS. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY 

I’M OKAY INTERACTING WITH: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (I strive for more IC over OOC, but my queue does a lot of work too)

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING:  Talk with me over IM, asks, or Disco. I’m down for almost anything as long as I see it’s feasible.

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  Transparency. If you have an idea, let me know! If you’re stuck, let me know! If you want to start something new or scrap something or whatever...LET ME KNOW! I promise I don’t bite and I understand.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  I’m not very good with coming up with plots myself, so I’m typically the weak link when it comes to that. Sorry! But you bet I’ll pull up a plot generator and start throwing things down to see what sticks haha.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  I’m all about equal opportunity, so I try not to leave the plotting work to my partner. Let’s negotiate and find something that makes both of us happy. That’s the point after all.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - AND WHY?: If you want to drop a thread, I’m completely fine with it. I want to know so that I don’t end up replying to something you have no interest in anymore. Saves both of us the time.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?:  If drafts eat it (as they are wont to do these days) or if I feel it has reached a natural conclusion. I rarely, if ever, drop a thread in the middle. I’ll just let you know I’m going to finish it on my side and allow you a chance to finish on yours if you’d like.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO. - AND WHY?: You don’t need to chat with me every minute of every day, but I like knowing the people I’m writing with. Discerning your personality and your approach to your muse gives me a much stronger understanding of how to write with you, and what vibes between us. Plus, it’s easier to remember different people’s boundaries if I talk with them a lot, too.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I am all for constructive criticism. Even if you think it’s nitpicky, it’s going to be a great help. Good crit allows us grow as writers and as people in general. However, I am not for baseless accusations, childish name-calling, or outright insults under the name of “constructive crit”. Remember the “constructive” part: we need to build each other up. 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: I love a good story. While I don’t agree with everything Cullen does (and no one should, for anyone real or imagined), his story is intriguing. He’s a deeply flawed, deeply broken man. I love to take on a character, toss them in every situation I can think of, and watch them evolve and grow.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  A real redemption arc, for one. A realistic struggle with substance abuse and recovery. A future of happiness.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   Rape or sexual assault, unless being spoken about as a past event (as I truly believe that Cullen was sexually assaulted at Kinloch along with the other psychological and physical torture he endured). In-game racism is baked in, unfortunately, but it’s not something I seek out to roleplay as a PoC myself. Finally, while I play Cullen as canon-straight, I will not play out homophobia and most definitely not transphobia. If he rejects your muse for hitting on him, it’s not because he’s being homophobic: he’s just not interested. That also doesn’t mean he’ll never be interested; people can and do change, and I ship chemistry overall. He doesn’t hate your muse for their gender, orientation, or sexual preferences. I feel like I really have to spell this out for people who don’t understand. If you feel personally insulted by this somehow, feel free to address me directly, off anon. It’s probably an issue of fuzzy wording that I’m 500% willing to fix and talk about.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: I love starters that set the scene and provide plenty to work with, be it in terms of interacting with the environment or with the other person. If your muse shows immediate disinterest in communicating (and I don’t mean argumentative, which is perfectly fine), I am not going to respond. I might politely ask for more if I feel like it’s a salvageable interaction.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  Stoic soldier types, bubbly short girls, and semi-mad scientists.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  Characters that come across as Mary-Sue / Gary-Stu types. No flaws and barely any room to grow. 

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I'm very easy-going and I have an unearthly level of tolerance for almost everything. I try to provide partners with as much to work with as possible IC, and will pretty much support your very existence OOC. I believe in open communication so you’ll know what’s going on with me and/or our threads. Also, I typically reply within a week or two. Currently I’m tethered to finishing a big paper so I’m not a good example of that right now.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I can get overwhelmed by too much which slows my pace down considerably. I’m also a bit distant and do shut down on occasion; that’s usually no fault of my partners, though. Just my brain being a dick.

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. (the closer we are OOC, the easier getting here will be)

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. (it’s not going to be XXX but it will be descriptive)

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN, FADE TO BLACK?: YES / NO.

WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: I prefer to write smut for character development and to mark a progression in a relationship. Plus Cullen is not a “one and done” guy so getting to the smut stage will take a bit of build-up.

ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  Hmmm things that he personally wouldn’t go for I guess? Honestly I don’t know. And obviously, no rape/animal abuse/predator nonsense.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO Ships are a great way to further explore a character and their motivations. People do not exist in pure isolation, so I don’t believe characters should, either.

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. I bolded both because the focus of the blog isn’t ships, but this thirst trap guy is really easy to ship with other people I tell ya hwat. I am severely picky with romantic ships for Reasons, but I don’t eschew any other types of ships. I encourage them!

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP / DUAL-SHIP  —  MULTIVERSE / SINGLEVERSE.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: Characters who challenge Cullen into revising his point of view and force him to be a better person. Also, characters who understand his past and they are in no ways obligated to forgive it, but do recognise that he’s struggling very hard to mend whatever mistakes he can and is willing to pay the price for his decisions.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  - Be a good salesperson and I might buy it.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: Cullen is a massive stick in the mud, which means it’s incredibly easy to taunt him and get him flustered all at the same time. He’s loyal, he’s intelligent, and he’s largely self-aware. He likes swords and using them. Anything your character hates about him, he most likely hates about himself 100 times more.

WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  Those from the start that show absolutely no interest in speaking with/interacting with him. Mun and muse are going to struggle to stick around. I’m not going to fight for attention and neither is he.

WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, WHAT IS THEIR GOAL?:  Redemption. He wants to be a better person and make up for the past as much as he can.

WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  He can sniff out a fellow Templar a mile away (or several miles, in the case of Samson). 

WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  Honesty, a strong will, devotion (not necessarily to the Maker or the Chantry, but to a just cause that focuses on protecting others).

WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  War stuff, chess, books, trebuchets, dogs.

WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  Lectures about anything. He did his time in Azkaban in the Circles. No more. Please no more.

DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  His parents died trying to escape the Blight, he was tortured for weeks/months on end by blood mages, almost all of his friends died because of it, he was manipulated and brainwashed by his superior, he was forced into a near-debilitating substance addiction by his workplace... yeah just a few things.

WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  Darkspawn and abominations. 

IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  Darkspawn and abominations. Blood mages on principle. Regular mages (but he’s working hard to remedy this extremely bad and prejudiced thinking). Himself.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO.    - BEST WAY TO APPROACH THEM?:  Just be polite and he won’t turn you away. He’s guarded, yes, but not impossible to talk to.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: You’ll find out by writing together! ;D

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

tagged by: pirated tagging: anyone who actually read this

[knifehecker]

undertale day [long post]

it’s the 15th!! happy 4th birthday undertale!!! normally i try to do a little art or something but this year i decided to do something a little different. there’s a lot of content that’s become core tenets of my experience with the fandom -- changed the way i thought about the characters, how i engage with the fandom, opened my eyes to new ways of writing -- and i thought it’d be neat to compile some of those into one post to share with other people. so without further ado!!!

40-minute Deltarune Piano Medley - FaceImplosion [MUSIC]

ok, i know this is deltarune and not undertale, but this medley incorporates songs from both games so i’m gonna say it counts. and honestly, i could say a LOT about this piece!! i’ve watched and listened to a lot of ut/dr medleys, and this has to be the most lovingly crafted of its type that i’ve ever seen. Ever. a lot of care has been put into the order and combination of the songs (some funny, some sad, some mindblowing, ALL amazing) and the art is so good that every time i listen i find myself watching along. there’s a lot of easter eggs, especially for the attentive listener/watcher, and this medley deserves far more than the 6k views it’s gotten so far.

Undertale Album Project - Various Artists [MUSIC]

Songs From Mt Ebott is a collaborative album project that contains dozens of tracks from a score of different artists. i have a lot of favorite tracks from this album, not to mention the individual track art created for each, and if you’ve never heard of this project before, i really recommend giving it a listen! (FaceImplosion also did a piano track for this album, by the way, which i’m linking separately because it’s one of my aforementioned favorites.)

Chara - tigerblossom [MUSIC]

im not gonna lie. this was my favorite piece of fan music for a long time. it’s a medley mashing a few different songs together, short and sweet, but it comes together in such an incredibly heartfelt way at the end that whenever i end up listening to it i find myself wishing the track was about five minutes longer. they also have an underfell version of your best friend that i recommend giving a listen!

Photographs - FuriousPoplar [FIC]

in terms of “post-paci everyone lives au”s, there’s been a lot of ground covered by a lot of different people, and after a while the concept feels almost a bit...same-y? but this fic covers a sorely-needed conversation between an alive chara and asriel in a way that i’ve never seen approached by anyone else before. it’s cathartic, it’s extremely well written, and it doesn’t shy away from the ugly sides of trauma and recovery, which is so greatly appreciated. it also hit me...REALLY hard, which i think is a testament to how amazing this piece is.

Turn Back - foxsgloves [FIC]

i read this one pretty early on in my time in this fandom, and it’s continued to influence me long after. the premise: frisk keeps loading over the brief time asriel has his body in the epilogue, and simply spends time with him as they both prepare to move on towards the end. it’s sad. it’s cute. it’s amazing. it’s something i go back to reread sometimes late at night when i want to reread something friendly and familiar and a little sad. and its been one of my favorites ever since i read it.

You Wear Your Grief Like a Badge - Draikinator [FIC SERIES]

how do you even TALK about ywyglb? do i talk about nate’s impeccable voice in their writing? how true to character they are with the kids? how they set the scene of a post-pacifist world still shaking with the echoes of the past? the series starts with flowey taking frisk’s soul captive while chara and sans form an uneasy alliance in order to get them back, and then spirals into a tense, sweet, funny, awful, heartbreaking experience that reshaped how i viewed the boundaries of my own writing. draikinator’s writing has been and continues to be a huge inspiration to me, and i heartily recommend giving any of their stuff a try.

A Numbered List of Things That Aren't as Badass as They Sound (ex. Monsters, Suicide, Burning in Hell) - rosyy [FIC]

a brief glimpse into chara and asriel just before It Happens, While It Happens, When It Happens. the prose here is the sort of flowery delirious feverdream you’d expect from a kid dying of buttercup poisoning, and i love it to bits. i also want to mention a dr who crossover by the same author, because it has kris as the doctor and frisk as the stray they adopt, and its also the perfect antidote to the angst the first fic provides.

Risen Up (or, Of Fallen Children and Mountain Kin) - paradoxpangolin [FIC]

oh jeezums, how do i even start with this one? post-paci, frisk comes to the conclusion that the best way to ease the tensions between human and monsterkind is to put on a musical about their time in the underground!!!!.....except this leads to its own host of complications, and things get a bit Messy. this fic hasn’t updated in a bit, but it contains so much in its 140k of already published writing that i feel the need to urge you to read it anyway. i’m really partial to autistic frisks, and this fic has what’s got to be my favorite portrayal of that in ... probably the entire fandom? honestly, most (if not all) of the characters in this fic are autist, and it’s just. very good. i love.

you’re like a mirror, reflecting me - batterytriplicate [FIC]

a daemon au exploring what frisk and chara’s journeys might have been like with the extra distinction between monster dust and daemon dust. i completely forgot about this fic until i was trawling through my ao3 history for this post, and i’m really really glad i found it again. i think i was in the middle of trying to figure out this exact au when i first found this fic, and it did everything i was thinking of (and more) so much better that i felt more than content leaving it at that. so if you like his dark materials and want to see a fantastic little daemon au, give this a shot!

soulless-pacifist - vsemily [ASK BLOG]

soulless-pacifist..... if you’ve never heard of this askblog, you’re in for a treat. i wasn’t with it from the very beginning, but i started reading towards the  middle of its main story arc and stuck with it to the end, and suffice it to say, it has to be my favorite fandom askblog to date, purely for how well its written, how well its drawn, and how it’s one of the....only askblogs i’ve ever seen come not only to a FULL conclusion, but to a satisfying one! the mun also worked with a programmer to create a fangame for its final arc, which is so above and beyond that im still kind of in disbelief. in short: this askblog followed frisk and their passenger after the events of a soulless pacifist route, and continues on with them as they grow together and find their place with a whole host of twist and turns in store.                also, memes.

Shine your light with me, chase all the dark away - FancifulRivers [FIC]

this au follows frisk and chara after the events of the game. unlike most post-paci runs, though, chara has their own body back, while they and frisk are hiding back in mt ebott after the monsters have left to avoid the complications of being runaways and also.... incredible guilt and trauma. things don’t really work out like that, though, and i really recommend this read. fancifulrivers has also been an incredibly prolific writer who’s uploaded a lot of really good ut fics, so this is a great starting point to jump off of for their other stuff!

repercussions - proximally [FIC]

this fic... i think this one fic is the one that’s impacted me the most during my early days of this fandom. it’s short, and sad, and is a twist on the soulless pacifist ending that i was left thinking about literally for months after i first read it. instead of saying any more and risking spoiling it, i’ll just leave the author’s desc:  “You made a mistake, and you pay for it with your life. “

The Great Boondoggle - Masu_Trout [FIC]

the premise of this fic is pretty simple. post paci, frisk is walking home. they come across a Bad Guy. hijinks ensue. but what sets apart this fic from others for me is the way frisk is written here. when this fic was published in early 2016, most frisks i came across were the...sweet harmless woobies that were pretty typical from the fandom. this is one of the first frisks i came across that was kind of mean, and a little cold, and had very obviously had a long upward climb to being the sort of person who chose mercy instead of fight. this portrayal is a lot more common nowadays, which i’m super grateful for, but since this is one of the first fics i came across that really nailed this portrayal, i felt i should leave this here. i also recommend their pokemon/ut au, which is toriel and frisk centric and i also love to bits.

and....well, i was gonna say “that’s it”, but i honestly had to cut quite a few things from this list to keep it from stretching the dash too much. there’s been a lot of incredible content created by this fandom over the years, and this is by no means a comprehensive list of my favorites. but these are some of the ones that impacted me in a really special way, and if you were kind enough to check them out and maybe even liked them, please consider leaving a kind comment for the creator! if you’re the author of one of these pieces reading this right now: thank you so much! im looking forward to finding even more favorites in this year and the next.

[fearfearer]

i have caught up with the magnus archives.

when i started listening, i started a text file to note down any thoughts/confusion/analysis/jokes i had as i listened. i isolated a few bits of it into standalone text posts that i already posted, but here is the whole thing, my long-form liveblog

thoughts on the magnus archive as i listen

jonny sims gives an impassioned performance of someone's statement-- a diegetic impassioned performance, as we witness it being interrupted and resuming-- and follows it up with his own judgement of merciless doubt. classic. why the impassioned performance? he's just a nerd. i dearly hope this is the fandom consensus

every episode ends at the perfect volume to which i have adjusted it, and then i start the next episode and it blares in my ears. i think the volume of the intro must be like 1.75x the volume of the rest

*makes a serious effort to listen to and remember the name and date at the beginning of the statement recording* *forgets completely within 2 minutes*

i saw a fanart of gerard keay and learned [1] that he must be a good guy after all, since they drew him lookin cute, and [2] that his name is not, in fact, jared key. what, am i supposed to be looking at the transcripts? understanding names properly? in my defense, jonny sims clearly articulates "Jared" when he says it. maybe i'm not as good at decoding british accents as i thought. [footnote added in later: ok good i'm not the only one who hears "Jared" and thinks "Jared" instead of "Gerard"]

when gerard keay was described as having numerous eye tattoos on his joints, obviously my first thought was, "including the ankle? so he's count olaf?" because that's definitely a way count olaf would disguise his eye tattoo: by tattooing eyes everywhere else too and becoming The Eye Tattoo Guy. anyway this is part of why i was not at first inclined to think favorably of gerard keay

"The first thing about this statement that makes me dubious is that it comes from a fellow academic." if you know shit fuck you

it has come to my attention that there are ships. makes sense... after all, everyone in every fandom is horny af*. i'm not in deep enough to ship yet but naturally i'm keeping an eye on it

*horny af for depictions of intimacy, sexual or otherwise, but mostly sexual

definitely feel like i need to be writing down every name i hear because they're never not cropping back up but for now i'll just let it all wash over me

so sasha has been replaced with not-sasha, huh? pretty sure. though i'm not good at distinguishing voices. but that sounded pretty different, and my listening comprehension wrt that table isn't that bad. <<as time passes i doubt myself more and more on this point but not enough to go back and listen again

"You believe me?" "Yes, I think I do." (smashes button labeled "CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT" and a loud buzzer sounds)

IT'S MICHAEL!!! i hope michael is a long-term good guy... he's not seeming like a good guy right now... he says he's mostly neutral. vaguely recall seeing a tumblr post about michael in the recent past but that didn't give me any hints and i don't remember it well anyway. michael's voice is good though. good laugh

i'm not good at visualizing characters based on descriptions, let alone based merely on their voices, so the only image i have in my head of jonathan is a furrowed brow

i'm on episode 49 and i don't like jonathan's distrust of his colleagues... i don't understand why his immediate suspicion was that gertrude's murder was an inside job. hasn't he just learned firsthand that the institute is not impenetrable? it's not inconceivable that someone could enter and shoot her and leave. especially when it took place in underground tunnels connected to unknown locations.

there's a good Old Lady Voice Combo on episode 62

so agnes montague was heavily cursed... that's my conclusion after episode 67

elias seems to tell jonathan to "get some sleep" a lot. though it IS generally good advice

episode 70, 9 minutes, 41 seconds: jonny sims's cell phone goes off in the background

small brain: ghost ship medium brain: ghost train galaxy brain: dirt train

i wanted to see if there was fanart of michael so i looked it up... i might as well have googled "blonde slenderman"

sweeney todd mentions tally: II

for some reason, hearing michael described this time as "a tall man with curly blonde hair and an unnerving laugh" puts an image in my head without my consent, and that image is chris fleming. now, he's not quite blonde, is he? but that doesn't change my casting decision, which is now set in stone. hope he does a good british accent

"YES i know what a meme is."

why is melanie the first/only one to notice that sasha is now not-sasha? is it because she is experienced in firsthand paranormal encounters (whereas the archivists are experienced in decidedly SECONDhand paranormal encounters, save for the worm debacle)? oh, my question was answered handily in the next episode. ok.

the replacer definitely limits its glamour to everyone except one person just so that it can be amused by the distress and confusion of the one person who can see the truth. that must also be the reason it chooses a completely different appearance. it surely COULD replace a person with their exact likeness; it just uses another face for fun, and to be satisfied that it can get away with it.

this table has appeared in like 10 episodes... Guess It's Crucial

jonny sims yelling while swinging an axe. jonny sims goes through michael's door (eyes emoji)

the idea of the replacer killing jonathan and not even replacing him brings to mind "AT LEAST RIDE IT YOU ASSHOLE"

wasn't expecting to hear from leitner at this point... he's dropping tons of lore here. too much lore. so much is happening. i have to say i kinda like it better when the stakes are not quite so high as this.

so at the end of season 2, tim and martin believe that jonny sims killed this guy, who they probably don't know is leitner... and we the audience believe that elias, now almost certainly a double murderer, has very quietly stabbed leitner to death. do i the audience believe it? i'll keep an open mind for now. things are not always as they seem. except when sasha was replaced with not-sasha, which was exactly as it seemed. [footnote added in later: looks like elias being a double murderer was exactly as it seemed.]

so jonathan sims is the name of the actual guy voicing jonathan sims. it's a cecil situation. so are they someday going to go back and retcon every episode to change his name, like with palmer/baldwin? or does jonathan sims just not mind being a character as well? as long as it doesn't devolve into RPS i guess it's fine. if there's fanart of jonmartin i hope it doesn't depict them as their actors bc that's too close for comfort to RPS

there's been a truly hellish c*ndy cr*sh ad that has played like 40 times between episodes and i'm pretty well convinced to never ever play that curséd game

elias has some serious blackmail for daisy, huh? that's heavy, having police characters in fiction who do extrajudicial killings. life imitates art imitates life

"i'm not on drugs or anything. ...what? i could be on drugs!"

he said "ample opportunity" but like "amplopportunity" with emphasis on the "plop"

it was obviously elias who delivered the statement to jonathan in hiding, because he knew he would record it despite not being at work... bc he's a nerd

so if gerard keay has eye tattoos, does that mean he also serves the uhh the observing or whatever? [verdict arrived at later: no he just has those because he's cool. or because his mom tattooed him. ok almost certainly the latter.]

"what do i feed it?" obviously you feed it filled up cassette tapes, jon... nothing has ever been more obvious

it's okay that jon very stupidly burned his hand to a crisp. you don't need even one hand to turn on a cassette recorder. you can do that with your nose

so if these people who are wax figures serve the desolation, and not-sasha was spending time at the wax museum, does that mean there is a connection between the replacer and desolation? i think that would make sense, since both seem to enjoy making people feel bad feelings. also i'm starting to think that agnes was not actually cursed, but that would mean she burned that guy on purpose after being nice to him... was she just really selfish in that way? using him to experience Dating and mutilating him when he crossed the line, so she punished him as a cruel goodbye? or just building up his hopes so they will be even more fun to burn down when the time comes?

"perhaps doing a bit of mindless filing will help distract you." honestly that is something i would like to do in real life... i do enjoy a good mindless task. though doing mostly mindless tasks 40 hours a week is not a fun time for me lately. but it would be better if i didn't have to listen to bad radio at the same time

what?! the friendly midnight acrobat described in episode 90 sounds totally non-threatening and i hope there's fanart of it. was that gym just jared the bone turner helping people live their twisted athletic fetishes?! [footnote added in later: YES! god i hope people draw these turn-boned creatures optimized for their gymnastic of choice. show me a person who remade their body specifically for the balance beam]

so the power endowed in the archivist by the viewening is that when you sit them down across from someone they want to interview, that someone will invariably spill SOME beans and think it was their idea. maybe? [footnote added in later: yes.]

ok so Michael "The Distortion" Michael, of fractals and golden ringlets, has specifically tormented this other michael, lichtenberg michael?

jon is clearly moved to ask questions by an external force because he's a sensible guy who would not try to ask questions when daisy is holding a gun on him

i think basira has precisely the same accent as estelle... or maybe just a similarly staccato way of speaking (or of line-reading)

[episode 93] elias: (holding jon's face between two pieces of bread) what are you? jon: (sigh) the archivist...

well, they did something i didn't expect them to do with this show: create a compelling in-universe reason for jon to read statements aloud. because obviously until now there was none.

jon did the cockney accents. (insert emoji for indescribable feeling)

here's the purpose of the pit: if we all climb in the muddy pit together at night, the earthquake will only jiggle us gently and no one will be inside collapsing buildings to be crushed. it's only logical

ok i was gonna say this before but why is jon still at georgie's house??? he's not on the run for murder anymore, right? he has an apartment with all his stuff in it, right? [footnote added in later: i still don't understand why it was like this.]

i will confess that usually once the credits start to roll i zip to the next episode, but this time i zoned out a bit and it's really funny that jonny sims reads out "Rate and Review Us Online" in his archivist voice

a third michael. this one is probably already dead though. unless distortion michael takes over this guy's body or something. oh, jon came in at the end of the episode to say precisely this.

was episode 100 mostly improvised? if so, that would be appropriate. but i wouldn't put it past them to write every stuttering bit of those four statements

MARTIN...................................................................................................................................................... (typed this as martin gave some of his own money to the lady who expected payment for a statement)

i'm skipping 100.1 through 100.5 for now... just for now.

ok so michael is michael but not lightning mike michael, and two of these michaels are dead, but one is something that has never been alive nor dead. got it

everyone's morality is much more gray than i at first anticipated. the only people who seem to be solidly and earnestly on the side of good, as much as possible, are jonathan and martin and basira and georgie and maybe tim?

so michael just died and was overtaken by pseudo-helen? neo-helen? ok. that's kinda too bad, as i enjoyed michael's terrible laugh and unpredictability. but the feeling of michael being revealed as having been michael shelley feels somewhat similarly disappointing (but a bit less staggeringly groan-inducing) to when the mysterious koro-sensei in assassination classroom was revealed to have been a twink in his past. because of course he was. (that's when i stopped reading that manga. too precipitously dumb to sustain my suspension of disbelief.) it's like, ok, you had an interestingly mysterious character going on, but having solved the mystery, what interestingness is left? not much. fortunately this was resolved by promptly ending the existence of this michael and instead introducing new and improved helen

ooh martin has the asky ability too huh? nice [footnote added in later: he only used it this one time, and i'm wondering if they did that and then forgot and decided that jon is actually the only one with asky ability.] [[another footnote added in much later: How did i manage to mistake jon’s voice for martin’s voice? How?]]

the way martin said "kumo ga tabeteiru" in episode 110... alexander j newall does not watch anime

"I'm a book." ~Gerard Keay, 2017

it was a few episodes ago now but i noticed that when jon clearly articulated "Jared" referring to gerard, elias was like "Jared? you mean Gerard Keay?" (pronouncing it like "Gerard.") there is definitely a disagreement between these two (actors) about how to pronounce that name

the eye, the spiral, the end, the stranger, the lonely, the desolation, the slaughter, the vast, the buried, the dark, the corruption, the web, the flesh, the hunt.

Q: why would anyone want one of these rituals to succeed? A: it's their fetish. it's their sexual fetish

ok time to make up names for each possible apocalypse. these are the real and true names according to me, who knows such things: the eye - the viewening the spiral - down the drain the end - the really end end the stranger - oh wait we know this one. it's the unknowing. the lonely - the alonening the desolation - Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Lightless Flame the slaughter - world war all the vast - the expansion the buried - the grand lahar (or the Smothering) the dark - the extinguishment the corruption - the Great Rot the web - the spidening the flesh - the smorgasbord (or the Eatening) the hunt - come and get it

gerry said there was no dark god of indigestion, but i can tell you from personal experience that there is. though it's true that there is also fear involved, so maybe no separate pantheon is necessary

i sense that there is a battle between people who say it like "gotta get myself oriented" and "i feel disoriented" (as feels correct/natural to me) and people who say "gotta get myself orienTATed" and "i feel disorienTATed," and this podcast falls SQUARELY on the latter team. they've said it like 20 times

idk why he has to be such a dick to helen. jeez

the guy who coded his mind into a computer, which of the 14 was that? the corruption? the stranger? gotta be the corruption, but that doesn't fit perfectly with its rot/bugs aesthetic...

speed -> speeding -> sped. heed -> heeding -> hed. thus i decree

in my dream i listened to a whole episode of this show, narrated by gertrude, and i was like "whoa this is cool" and i went to write it down but i was still in the dream and writing doesn't work in dreams :( also any successful writing in dreams doesn't transfer to real life paper :( the only snippet i remember: “...in his white mouth, which had known only bread...”

"I, uh..." Jonathan Sims, a thousand times, 20XX

martin's job is PLAINLY to distract elias and elias barges in like "martin. i see you're trying to distract me." and martin's like "maybe i am!"

o, jonny took a breath. that's good

he wasn't hooked up to an EKG or anything? you spend long enough with no heartbeat that they're just like "i guess we can turn this off"

this episode about philosophical zombies sounds a lot like that NPC meme from a year or two ago... and it makes me kind of uncomfortable, the way this person inspects others to determine whether they are True Minds or Impostors based on their emotional expressions, their eyes... because i don't always do the correct or appropriate expressions, and would someone judge me as being a non-person who is trying and failing to imitate human emotions?

i generally don't enjoy ships that have more-or-less explicit canon support, but i can't say jon/martin isn't good

melanie blaming jon isn't right... no one had a better plan to stop the unknowing, did they? (they didn't!) didn't all of them agree on the plan and understand that they might die? (they did!) she's just imposing survivor's guilt upon him because he survived for supernatural reasons. but it's not like he eagerly embraced his new supernaturalness, or even asked for it outright! i think she's being unreasonable. i didn't like her insistence on trying to kill elias either, even though elias is a huge dick. what's with her?

wait, peter lukas is the lonely? (meme where calculations and equations whiz past me)

jonathan baa'd

oh, see. the bullet is making melanie act without reason. i get it now. can't say i think they had the best approach to getting the bullet out, but all's well that ends well (???)

martin is being prohibited from talking to jon >:I martin is on a first-name basis with peter lukas >:I...

martin grumbles, "i don't like being manipulated..." while obviously and continuously allowing himself to be manipulated

jon is afraid of and uncomfortable with what he's becoming, at least to a degree, right? but he seems to be going about his duties (i.e. feeding the eye) with vigor and without reluctance. is he really that motivated by his own desire to know and understand? who is he doing this for? is the eye's influence on him so strong that "doing what the eye wants" seems to manifest as what HE wants to do?

"He'd place it over the one he wore already, and he would larf and larf and larf" (from breacon’s statement... just heard it like this for some reason)

deep water could be the domain of both the buried and the vast, because you could lose yourself in the vast ocean, but experience the physical effects of being buried under thousands of feet of water...

so tom han was an avatar of the flesh but he ultimately died after being tortured by the spiral... right?

"we're not people, though, are we? not anymore." close enough, i'd say.

jonathan has deployed THREE "I, uh..."s in episode 131 alone and i want to smack him in real life. FOUR NOW. JON. JONATHAN SIMS THE REAL ACTOR. LISTEN... quit falling back on your "I, uh..."s. and if they're written into the script i'll punch whoever did that too. total of five in a single episode. never utter "I, uh..." again

i hope whoever's throat is okay after doing bone turner voice for a whole statement.

jonny sure needs saving quite often, doesn't he.

peter lukas being a slightly chipper advocate for becoming a follower of the lonely is very strange

neil lagorio and his whole cinematographic history is made up but they namedropped kevin costner, who is real

VERY, VERY GOOD laugh at 23:44 of episode 136

melanie getting her session recorded... i was doing audio transcription for a while and you'd definitely come across bits of therapy-type sessions that very much seemed like they should have been confidential.

i wonder if the eye ultimately turned its back on gertrude and allowed her to be killed. if jon could survive a collapsing building, could gertrude not have survived a couple of bullets? wouldn't the difference be the protection of the eye? [footnote added in later: of course now i see who turned their back on whom.]

i'm somewhat heartened to learn that agnes montague was, in fact, a heavily cursed individual, though she seemed to have embraced it to a degree... and she wasn't made of wax.

i like that jon now includes helen in his office politics briefing

basira's like "Edmund Halley" and jon's like "Halley's comet?" (like “Hale-ey”) and two minutes later jon's like "Edmund Hally" (not "Hale-y")

"What's this?" "OH... That's, uh... that's... my rib..." "Right." (tiny clunk of rib being set down)

so giving a statement puts a curse on you... or is it "having a statement extracted / being compelled" that puts a curse on you? and the resulting curse, the fear it reawakens, is that good for the eye, or is that good for the powers that initially caused the fear?

well, i heard a homestuck reference in one of the patreon names at the beginning of an episode, and who is surprised? of course, i'm not one to talk

episode 144- the english think their summer is bad... as a professional "hot weather is bad" person, i feel doubtful, because if the sky is grey, it is not as hot as it Could Be, and therefore one should quit one's bitching

first statement about the extinction... interesting. but hearing martin be a jerk to daisy makes me sad :(

the powers never tell avatars exactly what they need to be doing, but that's just concerning the means. the ends are always clear: the power gets fed. and all of the powers feed on fear. also jonny is horny for statements. i hope, but also doubt, that his harmful behavior is at least partially the spider's doing. oh, i see now that it's not. yeah.

jon wants to eat fresh and delicious statements produced just for him, instead of reconstituting the dusty old statements already in the archive

episode 148 - samson stiller gets a crush. but in all seriousness, is he becoming an avatar of the eye but like, not institute-related? is that a thing? i guess that would make sense, but still seems weird

episode 149 - considering ring -> rang -> rung, we seem to have stumbled upon spin -> span -> spun, and the compasses gently span around (9:40)

does martin have loneliness powers now? it's sad that he is getting lonely... as a lonely person, i know.

the lady on TV in episode 150 was just speaking simlish.

i really want jon to overcome his urge to forcefully take statements because i want to be able to root for him still

british podcasts really have a leg up over american podcasts, at least among american audiences, purely based on their interesting and varied accents

i can't say the gravedigger's envy doesn't make me myself feel like going to sleep in the cold dirt forever. but bad depression lately is also a factor, so

jonathan having to settle for reading already archived statements instead of harvesting fresh ones is exactly like a vampire (not the kind detailed in this series) who has to choose between hunting people to suck their blood or drinking bags of donated blood from a (near-endless) stockpile. there's an ethical choice with a clear right answer, but the urge is also understandable

jon following up gertrude's tape with just "fuck" was really good. now he's like "ok martin. let's run away together"

spent all day at work thinking about how i can't fuckin believe the first thing jon did when he heard how to escape the institute was to go tell martin like "there will be a great cost, but... we can elope now"

also if tim was still around jon would tell him the way out and he would do it right then and there, i'm 100% sure. like before jon was finished explaining tim would be like "the eyes? (grabs scissors) got it. (does the deed)"

earlier today i was just thinking that we would almost certainly hear gertrude's death on tape, especially given that we now understand tape recorders are wont to turn on autonomously whenever something important is happening. anyway then i came home and heard gertrude's death on tape

peter, as an avatar of the lonely, is easy to play like a cheap whistle because as someone who clearly hates spending time around other people, he is not keen to the symptoms of being played.

elias is like "you'll have to go into the lonely to get him" and jon's probably thinking "but then at least we'll be in the lonely... ~*~*~together~*~*~"

i think martin's whole thing for most of the series has been that he sounds a little doofy, for lack of a better word, and people constantly underestimate his intelligence. and now he has played peter lukas like a cheap whistle and forced me to realize that by taking for granted that he was being successfully manipulated by peter lukas, i too was underestimating martin... and his pure love for jon <:3c no but seriously i even remember explicitly making a mental note to remember that martin is smartin but it fell by the wayside as my emotions (of sadness that jon and martin seemed to be growing further apart) took precedent

i work a non-verbal job just doing mundane tasks and that gives me all the time in the world to think about things like "if they were to have jon and martin reunite in a tearful embrace, how would you convey the physical contact in an audio format? like, whap? soft thud?"

jon enters the lonely and voiceover peter comes in to try and factcheck the ship

i guess it makes sense that peter would try to do the ritual for the lonely all by himself

did he kill peter by asking him to death? or did peter just self-destruct rather than be forced to answer?

the way jon snapped martin out of the loneliness just by making him look at his face... that's powerful. as a lonely person, i know that the most cry-making thing you can realize when you feel alone is that another person is, in fact, there with you

martin went for a walk and now it's thunderstorming. i wonder if he came back as soon as it started raining and now he's standing nearby invisibly as jon reads the intimidating magnus statement. ...I GUESS NOT

i plan to read through the transcripts of all the episodes (as it’s faster than re-listening, though i might selectively re-listen) so that i may better understand some things and answer some questions in this post that i didn’t ultimately resolve. i can’t say i was paying 101% attention all the way through. also april is very far away

[spinedog]

Why I write Adam the way I do

Okay, this started out as a reply to some awesome feedback on FR&H, and it... sort of got away from me. So, I decided to turn it into a textpost here, because I feel it’s really important and I haven’t really had a chance to put it into words until now.

Putting in a page break so to not clutter up your dashboards: fair warning, the below contains a lot of talk about abusive relationships, and a discussion about portraying abusers.

So, it was mentioned that a lot of fan fictions portray Adam as a one-sided monster. It’s a trend I keep noticing, even in stories that are otherwise really, really well written (though, keep in mind, I don’t read all that much anymore, so there could be some and I just haven’t seen it). Not many writers seem to want to give him any depth other than 'shitty dude'. And I understand why. His character shouldn't be sympathized with, and it's tough to walk a line between 'multi-sided' and 'redeeming someone who should not be redeemed'. Especially with all the Adam stans that started rioting after his death, I think most people either hate him so viscerally that they don't want to spend any time on him, or don't want to look like they're trying to excuse him. Both viewpoints are totally valid, by the way - I don't think anyone should write any character that they don't want to write. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t adore all the goat man memes that make fun of him.

But I think there's a bit of a danger there that no one really acknowledges. People with abusive tendencies aren't usually one-sided monsters in real life. Sure, genuine sadistic sociopaths types exist, who just hurt for the sake of hurting and really don't care about reasoning, but these people are rare in comparison. Your typical abusive relationship is generally not like this.

An abuser is the person who is mentally ill and starts to lean on you, then continues to lean, with more and more weight, because it's working, it feels good, and don't they deserve to have some support in their life for once? An abuser is the person who genuinely thinks you're the only person who will ever love them, who will ever tolerate them, and they tell you this and tell you that if you were to leave they would end up committing suicide. An abuser is the person who knows they get a rush of power from the feeling of hitting flesh and leaving a bruise, of knowing it's wrong but knowing they can never admit it, so they lie and backpedal to try and explain why it's okay that they have to hit you, because it was your fault anyways. An abuser is a parent who just wants their child to be perfect, can't you just listen to what they've told you, can't you just be a good child for once? 

An abuser is a person who never emotionally matured, attaches to another person in an unhealthy way to stabilize themselves, and continues to do so even when they realize what they’re doing, using any kind of tactic or rationalization they can come up with to keep that person they so desperately need close. And I want people to see that. I want people to read a perspective that they understand, that they sympathize with, and know that it does not excuse what he's done. I want them to see it happening at the table across the room. I want them to see it in a stranger's eyes. And, most of all, I want them to see how easy it is to fall into that situation. Abusive relationships are far too common, but toxic relationships are even more common - and that’s often where it starts.

It’s almost happened to me. Twice, actually. Once with a very, very close friend who I truly believed could pull her way through her own mental illnesses, who I thought was making progress, who I thought cared very deeply about me - right up until I realized I was crying myself to sleep every night because no matter how hard I tried, and no matter how closely I followed what she wanted me to do, I had always done something wrong to hurt her (once, I asked her how her day was going, and she responded with five paragraphs about how I was incredibly hurtful for forcing her to remember the shitty day she’d had. I believed her.). Then with a romantic partner who I’d known for years, who I knew had toxic masculinity issues that I thought he knew about, who I thought I could trust - right up until he dragged me across the cab of his car into a kiss that I’d already said ‘no’ to. I left both of those people within days of that realization. I still define them both as more toxic than abusive, and I was certainly no angel in my own right - I did and said a lot of things in what I thought was my own defense that I’ve come to regret. But I’d seen abusive relationships before, through a story about a friend my mother had in school, movies, books - and most importantly, a small and very well-written script about a girl defending her boyfriend’s actions that I read in high school and never, ever forgot. I could read the signs well enough to know what road they were starting to turn onto. I knew that the thought of hurting them would stop me and force me to re-think my actions, but the thought of hurting me wouldn’t be enough to stop either of them. So I left - and was able to leave, due to one deciding that it was her idea to kick me out of her life in the first place, and the other deciding I was too high-strung and sensitive for him. The only reason I’m not still involved with either one is that neither attempted to guilt trip me into staying with them any further - and I’m deeply grateful to both of them for that.

That’s why I put so much effort into writing Adam, and why I’ve now written specifically from his POV twice. I knew I had a grasp on who he was, but it was just an understanding for me, and not a trauma like so many others have. I want people to read a perspective that they understand, that they sympathize with, but know that it does not excuse what he's done. And, most importantly, I wanted readers to come to this conclusion on their own, because I believe that the only way to make someone truly accept something is to make them think that it was their own idea in the first place. It's a daunting task, and I think that's why we don't see it as often as we maybe should. No one wants to stray too far to one side and be accused of sympathizing with an abuser, so they back off and stick to the safer side of the spectrum. Or, the people who truly understand it want nothing more than to just leave it behind them. 

But, if you just portray every bad guy as a cartoon monster, you start to forget what real monsters look like. And so does your audience.

I expected to get set on fire by my readers when I posted the first chapter with Adam's perspective, honestly. I'd demonized the hell out of him in the first few chapters, and I didn't like it - I wanted him to be just as real as any of the other characters, and I wanted to show him for what I thought he really was, but I was afraid of the backlash that I thought I would get. But, after a few chapters I decided that I had no real reputation to sacrifice, and I knew that it was either going to sink the fanfic that I had no real stake in, or make it into one that people might actually learn something from. 

So, I went for it. I put together motivations and psychology for him, I made him think he had a reason for what he did, and I made a reason for why he needed Blake. I pulled things from my own experience, even some thoughts from my own head during some of my worst moments, stressed over whether or not it was respectful to abuse victims, made tweaks, deleted most of those tweaks anyways, then pressed ‘post’ and hoped. And instead of the hell I was expecting, I got a lot of positive feedback and no accusation at all. People told me that, rather than coming across as redeeming him, I was making him even more frightening by making him more realistic. In fact, every single piece of feedback praised the fact that he actually had motivation and was a character in his own right, but was still despicable. I think I did lose a couple readers - there were a couple that had been leaving a lot of feedback and suddenly disappeared around the same time as that chapter was posted, and I still wonder if it was because of that. But I got a rush of confidence, because I’d actually accomplished what I’d set out to do. I was walking that line, and more importantly, people could actually see what I was doing.

Now, here we are. I don't think I'm doing anything unique, or special. Honestly, I don’t even really think I’m all that good of an author, overall. I'm just doing what I wish more writers would - depict a mentality that they don’t have. Maybe they're scared to, maybe they don't understand, or maybe they just don't have an interest in how these people think. And every single one of those viewpoints are valid. If someone isn’t comfortable with a character, or concept, or relationship, they should not write it. That’s why I’m doing it - I figured that if I understood it, I was interested in it, and I felt brave enough to try, then there was no reason not to give it a shot. Actually, I sort of felt like I had a responsibility to - like I said before, I have experience. But I’m not traumatized, nor are those memories terribly painful for me anymore. 

So, I use them. Because I know there are people who can’t share their experiences because it’ll bring up too much pain and suffering. Because I know there are people who think they know a monster when they see one, but think that the person that won’t stop texting them, that convinces them to do things they’re not comfortable with, that makes them feel small, ‘isn’t like that’. Because I know there are people who see the Adam in RWBY canon and genuinely do not understand why everyone hates him so much, or why he was portrayed the way he was.

I write Adam as a dynamic character because I want everyone who reads this FR&H to understand the fact that abusers are real people, not plot devices, or horror stories. People that maybe could have been helped, could have turned their lives around, if someone had seen what they were becoming sooner.

But once habits are set, once they’ve sunk into what they want the world to be, once they’ve built a fragile world around themselves, you cannot help them anymore. All you can do is not be a part of that world.

Thanks for reading, guys. <3

[whatsthesquarerootofshoe]

I try all the time in this institution

"You should all be dead."

That was all Trizza could say as she stared up at the guy in front of her. It wasn't supposed to go this way. She'd called on the best. Nothing more than sheer power. Sure, she hadn't called on the guy she wanted to call, but it was whatever. The guys she did call should have been able to take care of these guys. There was no way they could have fought off her men. Her men must have run off with her money and abandoned the hit.

She hadn't known they were hunters, the whole lot of them. Trizza ran into them and all it took was a minor slight. She called the service. Send a large blondie, double pepperoni, pepper flakes on the side with some ranch dip, make it hot. The code set up for her calls, and her request for their best assassin. Her ideal hitman. The one she wanted as her personal assassin one day, once she had the money to pay his fees more than once. He was cool. Calm. Precise. Perfect. But he was unreachable. Likely dead, they said. And so she picked the next best options.

Now the targets were here for her. They'd found out about the hit and came to interrogate her. And the dark-haired one paused, giving the guy next to him a look. And the response from that guy was to pull the man in front of her aside and whisper in his ear. And they gave her looks. Odd looks, ones she'd only seen before from her mother. What did that mean? Why did they look at her like that? She pulled out a knife. The gaudiest knife in existence, of course. "Ain't nobody got time for this," she muttered.

A meme? A meme. Trizza tried to gather her thoughts. I hope the fuck you do. You'll be a dead son of a bitch, she thought. Oh god. She couldn't think straight. Why now? Why...oh, nevermind. It didn't matter why or how. All that mattered was that they were likely going to kill her in response to the hit, and she had to get out of there alive. She was going to get out of there alive. She had a feeling she would.

But in an instant, the tall guy disarmed her like it was nothing. She punched at him, but met empty air. The dark-haired one grabbed her by the wrists and wouldn't let go. She pulled back against his grip, to no avail. "I think she's possessed," Trizza heard him say. The idea snapped her out of her odd state. Possessed? Ghosts didn't exist, she thought. The supernatural wasn't real. She laughed. This was a joke. They were out of their minds, she assumed. If they thought she could be the victim of possession, why not give that act to them? They'd be dead soon anyway, she assumed. She wasn't dying any time soon.

"Possessed," Trizza stated. A sigh escaped her lips. "If that's what you want." She stopped struggling, trying to put on an air of superiority. Power. The idea that this is what she wanted. Her short stature was hindering this visual, but she tried. "Now, since I'm possessed, you should let me go or face the consequences. You don't know what I can do." Fake it until you make it. That's all she had to do. Threats, until they backed off and she could call out a second hit. A hit that worked.

But they didn't back off. The dark-haired one's grip tightened as his eyes narrowed at the girl. She scoffed at his gaze. He was quite the inquisitive one, as if trying to get a read on her. There was no need for that. "I said back off. Back the fuck off!" She kicked at him, starting to struggle again. It was no use. She was too weak. He was too strong.

Dave watched the scene, almost amused. Was this girl possessed, or acting? He couldn't tell. Are you sure she's possessed? He thought to Karkat, crossing his arms and trying to get a read on the girl. She had a surprising amount of resistance to his abilities - more than the average human. But it wasn't enough to block him out. He didn't go too deep, but she had almost everything right on the surface. Agitation. Confusion. A wish to fight them, one on one. Two on one. All on one. A call for blood - their blood - to spill in front of her eyes. A twinge of fear, hidden but not unreadable.

Boot, meet face. Dave careened backwards, staring shocked at the girl half his size. She'd kicked him in the face somehow. How'd she get so close to him? The back of his hand instinctively went up to his nose. Blood. He was bleeding. He heard her begin to chuckle. "Fuck you," She spat. Boy was she nasty. He got up, keeping his hand to his nose. The dark feelings coming from Karkat made him pause. 'kat, I'm okay, don't hurt her yet. He thought. "What did we even do to you?" He asked the girl. Was it because they were hunters? That had to be the reason. There was no other logical reason for--

"Some fuckin' kid hanging with the giant douchebag over here tripped me at Burger King," The girl stated. She gestured with her head toward D. It was the most dumb reason to want someone dead. And why was she calm again? She had to be bipolar or possessed. She couldn't have been normal. None of this was normal. Calling a hit for someone's entire family over an accident in a fast food chain? That was petty stuff a mob boss would do in a movie! Not something someone who appeared to be no older than 12 did!

D sighed. So that’s why she looked familiar. That was one of the most stupid things he'd ever heard, but he remembered it. Seb had gone with him to help pick up dinner and hadn't watched where he was going. There had been a sorry and an attempt to help up that she declined, and they'd thought that was that. But it was a relief. This wasn't about them being hunters. It was about some kid acting stupid. A strange kid with piercing fuchsia eyes and a death wish. "That it?" He asked, watching as the girl nodded and went back to struggling. There was an odd disconnect between her actions. Nothing led to its logical conclusion, nothing had a logical start.

...and it's a long way forward so trust in me and give them shelter like you've done for me and I know I'm not alone you'll be watching over us until...

Music began to erupt from the girl's pocket. "Let me go so I can answer that, jackass," She demanded. Karkat looked to D and Dave. They shook their heads. With his free hand, he pulled the device out of her pocket. A gaudy fuchsia and gold cell phone. On the screen was the call screen, with one name: "Room Service". That wasn't weird in the slightest. Nope. He hit 'answer' and turned on speakerphone. When no one spoke, he gave the phone's owner a look.

"Yo," Trizza said, almost sounding nervous. "You've reached alpha base." "We've lost three good men thanks to you," Came the reply. Male. Cold. Unnatural and calm. Dave thought it sounded familiar. "You must'a sent your rookies." "You also failed to pay." "Deal was... Hit successful, you get paid." "That isn't how this works, Trizza Tethis." "How do you--"

Click. The person on the other end hung up. Trizza grit her teeth. Not only did these chumps know her name, the service did too. She stopped struggling. "Change of fuckin' plans," she said. "Let go of me." No one moved. She watched as they gave looks to each other, as if making plans with telepathy. What was she supposed to do now? "I said let me the fuck go. L...Let me go!" She pulled against Karkat's hands, to no avail. Then, she lurched forward and grabbed her phone from his hand. Murmuring low under her breath, she began typing on it as fast as her hands would allow.

Karkat, in his surprise, let her go and stepped back. He thought he could hear her humming a song... Mama mia, let me go, Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me... What a weird thing to be humming.

Dave heard it through Karkat. Was that a panic response? Was she panicking? She didn't look very panicked, not to him at least. He stepped closer to Trizza and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey," He said. "Hey. Uh... Trizza, right? What the hell is going on?"

Trizza looked back at Dave and almost dropped her phone. She tried to find some words - normal words - to explain, but her mind wasn't working too well under pressure. She couldn't fight off an assassin! What was she supposed to do, hide for the rest of her life? She pushed the guy away and stepped back to lean against a wall. "Fuck... It's... Uh... Upsetti...." she blurted. Why couldn't she get any words out right now that weren't idiotic? She had to explain somehow. "Uh... Uhhhh... (God, I wish I was dead...) Uh...." Think. Think. Assassins. Death. Gotta run. Death. Help. Darude Sandstorm's music video. Running in the 90s. Deja Vu. She looked back to her phone and did a little more on it and then turned the volume up. The sound of a very stupid old song echoed to life.

Elmo's got a gun Elmo's got a gun Big Bird's on the run Ernie's dialing 911...

She rubbed the bridge of her nose and turned her phone off after a few more seconds, slapping it into her pocket so fast she almost dropped it. What an embarrassment she was being. She couldn't even explain a simple thing as not wanting to stick around to get assassinated. Fuck these guys. They could stick around all they wanted, but she was out of there. The girl made a mad dash toward the nearest window and ran straight into D. "FFFFFF--" She hissed. She stopped and glared at him, moving to head in the other direction.

"You're comin' with us, little miss trouble." D hoisted the girl up over his shoulder and began walking. "Let's go." As he walked, he couldn't help but notice how light she was and how futile her kicking and beating on his back was. How had she kicked Dave in the face with such force? She was swinging her arms and legs as much as she had before and wasn't getting to half the strength she had then.

"Got it," Dave and Karkat replied, almost in unison. They followed behind, making sure to stay out of the way of Trizza's kicking and beating on D. They conversed in their minds, very much aware of what she meant by that song. It's symbolism. She's in trouble just as much as we are, Dave thought to Karkat. The demon nodded in agreement. They had to hide her for now and keep her on watch. She felt like a demon, but she also...didn't? It bothered him so much that he couldn't tell. It was easier to tell a half-demon apart from a human and a demon than it was to tell what exactly she was. She had to be a powerful demon to hide her aura that well. Or she could be a changeling. Or she could have had a brush with demons before and they left something on her as a calling card.

Whatever she was, they tossed her in the truck and sped off toward a safe place. All the precautions were in place, so there was no worrying whether anyone would find them. Now the task was getting her to explain herself.

Inspired by @knight-of-heart-and-art‘s Demonstuck series and random asks on their blog.

Oh and the title’s a meme. :)

[nappainanotherdimension]

I haven’t reblogged this meme lately but I did once before, so I’ll do a quick response of it too since @thedameblancheofcontoncity wanted me to give some feedback on her response to it for Nappa and I had more to say on the subject.

{Anon, The Match Maker || Open and Accepting!}

For Poharu Belle-Hélène:

Sure why not?  ❤❤

Nappa’s said his thoughts and feelings in his own words here, but I’d like to discuss things in more detail about his perspective.

There’s a lot about Poharu that works for Nappa in terms of what he’d look for in another partner. (And that’s rare because since he views relationships in a pragmatic way, he’s got a lot of requirements for what kind of person is his type.)

I know a lot of my past HCs for him pretty much state he’d only be interested in serious relationships since he equates sex with a commitment to having kids and making a family. HOWEVER, most of those HCs are not with the Conton City Mentor AU Nappa in mind. The Nappa that Poharu interacts with has a different mindset from the Nappa I usually write HCs about since he’s died by Vegeta’s hands, gone to Hell etc. before coming to Conton. He’s never had a male-female relationship solely because he is interested in the other person for his own personal romantic feelings or for companionship. Having this kind of interest is new to him, and I don’t think he’d mind taking a casual and slow approach if Poharu showed enough interest in exploring a relationship with him beyond their flirtatious exchanges.

You and your muse have expressed concern over how little time she has for relationships, but Nappa’s a pretty low-maintenance lover. Even when he’s committed. Sure Nappa does enjoy attention but he doesn’t need constant companionship. He’s no stranger to being too busy to do what is typically expected of dating partners. Most of the time when he was involved with his mates in the past (prior to Planet Vegeta’s destruction), he was away on planet destroying/conquering missions, and those women couldn’t always be with him on those missions either.

So Poharu’s busy work schedule wouldn’t be that big of a deal to Nappa. Of course he would enjoy whatever time they could spend together. It was mentioned before in a few memes (like this one) that she would be too busy to go on dates, but would be up for training or going on missions together and tbh, that’s as good as a date to a Saiyan! Let’s be honest, they love combat!

As of right now though, he personally isn’t too sure how strong Poharu’s interest in him is. He won’t assume she feels the same unless she makes it known by outright telling him. For all he knows they’re just flirting for fun, and that her fondness for him is more platonic than romantic. (Things might progress when we continue a thread involving his flower expression meme as I mentioned before, but only time will tell.)

There’s a lot he doesn’t know about her, and he’d like to get to know her better and know for sure what her feelings are. (That doesn’t mean this ol’ Saiyan isn’t putting his own moves on her though. Because he is, as you know, and it’s fun seeing what he’s like when he’s flirting and interested in someone.)

Those are my thoughts from my muse’s perspective. As far as my thoughts as the Mun goes...

Almost Perfect!  ❤❤❤❤

I think overall these two could work! They just need to come to that conclusion together for themselves. 

As you already know, in the time you’ve been gone, Nappa’s become a single-ship blog. But like I’ve said in private it’s alright if you want to have your muse be multi-ship and explore the possibilities of a relationship between our muses. Rest assured, Nappa and I are not the jealous types when it comes to shipping stuff. 

I know that things might happen to where Poharu might gain more interest in someone else, and should she fall in love with another muse before things happen with Nappa...well then that is how things will be. (I’ve read your rules on how things might change if she were to fall in love etc.) He and I will be fine if that happens. It’s safe to say at this point Poharu’s happiness matters more to Nappa than the pursuit of his own interest. That’s why he had such a unique response for Mariko in this thread in regards to possible “competition.” 

Anyways, I hope some of this feedback is new and helps you gain a little more insight, though I know some of it is stuff you do know! We’ll see how things unfold!

[ridleykemp]

Bass YouTube is Best YouTube

So, what have I been up to while this place was collecting cobwebs? Mostly house things, a lot of medical stuff, no small amount of avoiding doing stuff I’m supposed to do, and, when there was time, I watched a lot of YouTube, which is something I’ve never done before.

I’ve been missing out.

I’ve been complaining for years about the lack of a la carte television and I’ve known the whole time that you can find pretty much anything you want on YouTube, but I never it together. Nicole, on the other hand, has been on this forever and I suspect she thinks it’s cute that I’m just now coming around. Not for the first time, if I’m being honest.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of the channels that I’ve found to be the most fun.

Music and, most importantly, bass: Adam Neely: Adam’s channel was my gateway to music YouTube. He’s a pretty theory heavy dude, but I find him informative and funny and he’s a heck of a communicator. He’s one of the proponents of bass guitar as the greatest instrument and that’s a bit I can’t help but respect. As much as I enjoyed the chugga chugga choo choo episode, I’d start with The Worst Jazz Solo of All Time.

Davie504: With almost 10m subscribers, Davie504 isn’t terribly obscure, but if you’re not familiar with him, this is your wake-up call. He’s an incredibly silly Italian bassist who is aces at creating a character, staying in character, and making terrific videos. You’d think the joke would wear thin, but it hasn’t yet for me. Oh, and kind of surprisingly, he can really play, too. I’d start with Can I Play the Top Basslines of All Times?

Samuraiguitarist: Easily my favorite Canadian country guitarist. Sammy G is at his best when talking about gear and technique, which is a nice break from some of the more theory-heavy channels I watch. He’s near the top of the list of “YouTube personalities I think I’d enjoy in real life.” Start with Testing Gimmicky Guitar Gadgets.

12Tone: Speaking of theory-heavy, this is one of the best channels out there for making music theory interesting and fun. His deal is making doodles that go along with what he’s talking about and there are all kinds of neat Easter eggs in them. He gets a little salty sometimes too, which is a lot of fun. If you’re into that sort of thing, go check out: Why Ben Shapiro Is Wrong About Rap.

Espen Kraft: Espen Kraft IS the 80s. He’ll tell you as much, too. He’s a musician/producer/gearhead after my own heart and he lives for making 80s style music with 80s gear. It’s great fun if you remember the 80s, which is something I most definitely do. While if it were me, I’d go straight to him talking about my beloved DW-8000, maybe start with 10 Iconic Synth Sounds.

Bad Gear: This channel is by far the most formulaic, but it’s a great formula: He reviews the most hated audio gear of the past. It ticks all the boxes: A discussion of why the gear is reviled, a demo of it, a couple of song featuring it, pros, cons, and, as always, a conclusion. The Bad Gear- Akai Tom Cat - The Better Rhythm Wolf??? episode is one of my favorites.

My favorite thing about music YouTube is watching these folks interact and reference each other. I watch a lot of music YouTube. Other good ones;

Simon The Magpie: Gear hacker who has more imagination than is good for him. Look Mum No Computer: You do NOT want to see the Furby organ… ixi music: Local artist’s deep dive into Nine Inch Nails. Very, very deep dive into it. The 8-Bit Guy: Texas guy who works with old home keyboards and computers. Sonicstate: Good channel. Needs more PWM. Jorb: Another gear guy. Kindred spirit. Syntaur: Local synth parts/sales place. Carlos is a great guy. Alamo Music Audio Lab: Local music store’s channel.

Educational and Related Channels:

Insider: There’s a lot to love here. What I’m binging right now are the “How Real Is It?” videos, where experts go over how well movies and TV shows portray their specialist subject. I started with the Master Pickpocket Breaks Down 12 Pocketing Tricks In Movies and found myself just watching everything that came after.

The LockPickingLawyer: This channel is, if you hadn’t guessed, more about the lock picking than the lawyering. Mostly, he demonstrates how shockingly easy it is for him to pick most popular, well-reviewed locks. There are some bad locks out there, folks. This one’s my favorite: Locksmith Says My Videos Are BS… Loses $75 (Maybe).

Vox: OK, so, I have a distant relationship to Vox media but no money changes hands so that’s all the disclosure I’m up for. Anyway, it’s Vox. They overproduce the crap out of their videos, but there’s some good stuff in there. Start with How a recording-studio mishap shaped ‘80s music. P.S. Prince totally stole from Phil Collins, much more so than the other way around.

Other Fun, Mostly Wholesome Stuff:

The Fish Whisperer: A guy with a fish tank on his farm befriends the animals. That’s about it. But, honestly, what more do you need? Here’s Turtles Love Pizza.

Capybara Donguri: Capybaras are perfect. You cannot have too many of them in your life. There are no bad capybara vidoes. Wait…there is one. Don’t watch that one. Watch Capybaras Are Natural Actors; They Have Such Expressive Faces and Body Language instead.

Timotainment: Do you like surrealism? Sure you do. You’ve seen memes based on this ‘un. Stonks. Pile. Angery. All classics.

Screen Rant: Just go there for the Pitch Meetings. Ryan has it down to an art and they are both a lot of fun and very insightful criticism. I’ve had friends tell me how bad certain movies were, sent them the Pitch Meeting for the film, and their response is “Yes, exactly! That’s what I was trying to say!” This is how I avoided, say, Alien Covenant for example.

There are more, of course, but that’s enough for now I figure. I hope someone finds something they like on there. Or, at least, doesn’t completely lose what little respect they had for me.

-RK

[sunshowers-and-sunflowers2]

I’ve had a lot on my mind this week. I realize it’s only Wednesday but a lot has happened already. Or at least I think so. So just keep on scrolling because this is me really just yelling out into the tumblr void because for some reason, it feels better posting this type of shit on the internet compared to just writing in like a journal.

So, I’ve been hanging out with this guy since I moved back to GA, and I felt like it was going really good. He was funny and the best hype man a girl could ask for. I really felt so comfortable around him; like, there was no fake Sophia. He saw almost every side of me. Obviously, nobody is perfect and there are going to be things in any relationship that you’ll have to address and work on together. Well of course, in the heat of the election, all this shit started. And truthfully, I don’t know enough about politics and policies and laws and shit to have an opinion. But I know enough to make an educated decision on who to vote for. We did the mature thing and talked about it and he came to the conclusion that he could tolerate my views. I really don’t completely side with either party; I like to think i truly am moderate and I can see the defense from both sides. With that being said, even if you have opposing viewpoints with somebody, doesn’t mean that you can’t still be kind to them and open-minded. I don’t know when politics turned into a religion. I guess it’s stronger in the south and these people are too stubborn to listen or see any other way. Anyways, it came out that I voted blue which I knew upset him. But instead of being a fucking adult and having a mature and calm conversation about it, he was all distant and weird for THREE WEEKS before I finally asked him wtf was his problem.

So, when I asked him what was going on he told me that my political stance bothered him and that I voted against everything he loved. I voted for everything he loved to be taken away. I told him that I voted blue purely because of COVID. It’s in my face every single day and I’ve literally seen people die. 45 wasn’t going to do shit. And I’m sorry, there needs to be another shutdown of some sort. Yeah, economy will suck. But uh, PEOPLE ARE DYING FOLKS. You’re not going to have anybody coming into your small business because people are fucking dying. And I’m sorry, but I care about humanity and the wellbeing of others so I’m not going to vote for the man who only cares about the economy and money. Lol i didn’t say ALL of that to him but the main talking points. Anyways, so he tells me that I support everything that he is firmly against whether I think I do or not and that he doesn’t see it working out between us.

Look, I get it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Everyone is allowed to believe in whatever the fuck they want to believe in. If you want to live in the woods and hide shit underground so when the government takes over you’re ready to live off the grid, that’s fine. That’s your prerogative. And I told him he didn’t have to apologize because that’s how he feels and that’s what he believes. It’s not my place to point fingers and tell people that they’re wrong and dumb. I don’t believe in that. I believe in kindness and doing what’s best for others. The whole breakup (if that’s what you want to call this) hurt me because as nice as he is, he didn’t see it the way I did. He couldn’t see past my blue vote. He couldn’t see the kind person on the other side who voted to keep more Americans alive. He couldn’t see the funny, spontaneous, obnoxious girl that he’s been with for 3 months. All he saw was blue, and he stopped seeing me.

Ha, and then of course he says that just because he doesn’t see it working out doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to see if it does. Which is worded horribly and dumb as fuck. AKA you want to keep me on your shelf because you’re lonely. “I’m a blind stubborn asshole and I don’t think you and I will work out because you want me to lose my job and have my guns taken away. BUT I do indeed want to continue to fuck you and use you. It might work, but probably won’t.” Fuck. Off. I’m done being that girl.

Meanwhile, I have another friend who I typically hear from pretty regularly, ya know in group text, group snap, sending memes to each other. And one day I noticed that he just vanished. Like wasn’t participating in any group chats and he stopped sending me shit. And I’ve asked his sister multiple times if he was mad at me and she said no and that he was just busy. And he answered me when I texted him yesterday but there was no substance to it and he still isn’t the same. And I have this deep aching feeling that it’s for the same God damn reason. You’re not going to associate or talk to me anymore because of who I voted for? Are you fuckin kidding me? I AM MORE THAN A VOTE PEOPLE. I AM A HUMAN BEING. We’ve been friends for like 4 years. Like good friends for 4 years. And now you’re not going to be my friend because of that? That just really hurts my feelings. And I know everyone is going to say that I’m better off without them. But, like, wtf? I thought they were better than that. I thought they had better character than that. Like, fine whatever, vote for whoever you want. That’s the whole fucking point of a democracy. You have the right to vote for whoever you want to vote for. Do it. Go for it. But I’m not going to sit here and just end shit because of it. That’s ludicrous. I know you’re a good person and I know you have very valid reasons for voting for 45. Just because I voted differently doesn’t give you the right to judge me and kick me to the fuckin curb.

Our country will continued to be FUCKED until we have more people who can see both sides and come to some type of a fuckin compromise. And honestly, I never thought my overwhelming care for other people would ever cause me to end a relationship and to lose a friend. And that breaks my heart.

[raventons]

99 q/a for 2017

1.    What’s the toughest decision you made today? To get out of bed after a 3 hour nap.

2.    What’s the toughest decision you made this year? I would say turning around at the airport, not going to Moscow, deciding my mental health is more important than that trip. However, I was just following my fear, which is quite an easy feeling to follow. And I have not once found myself second guessing that call. I am not one to dwell too much on decisions like that. I honestly contemplate more about what I’m having for dinner, or what underwear to buy – and I always end up regretting or celebrating those decisions more.

3.    What’s the toughest decision you ever made? Once I spent over an hour deciding if I wanted carbonara or caciatora. I went with caciatora, and that day I learned that if you are in doubt, you should always go with what your dinner company orders. My dad got carbonara, and it was out of this world. If you order the same thing as your date, it might still be the lesser option, but at least you will not know what you are missing. As an intellectual, this is one of the conclusions I’m the most proud of.

4.    What have you forgotten? Almost all the math I was taught in high school.

5.    If you were guaranteed the answer to one question, what would it be? I would love to know who is answering me, and how they got the ability to answer any question ever.

6.    What’s it like being you right now? Better than it has been. A lot better. I’d say good.

7.    What makes you nostalgic? Lenny Kravitz, long car rides, the soundtrack of midsummer murders and the smell of old Swedish cabin in a Småland forest (we all know that smell).

8.    If you had two hours left on earth what would you do? Sit close to my parents, and talk about our life together. And tell them how grateful I am and how happy they’ve made me.

9.    What’s the most beautiful word in the world? The Swedish Blockchoklad or the Russian Nemnoga

10. Who makes you laugh more than anyone? Alex, no doubt.

11. What did your father teach you? How to show affection, how to make people laugh, how to interact with strangers, how to put together a good outfit, how to cook and pretty much everything I know on economy and religion. And how much it means to have amazing parents that never, not even once, let you down.

12. What did your mother teach you? How to not give a shit about anyone’s opinion, how to appreciate simplicity, how to be a storyteller, how to calm down when afraid, how to love without giving yourself up, how to be badass and pretty much everything I know on literature, self-esteem and really bad British crime stories. And how much it means to have amazing parents that never, not even once, let you down.

13. What’s the best gift you’ve ever given? An orange moose I gave to my dad. It was really cheap and dumb, but he had just been diagnosed with a chronical disease (he is much better now) and everything just seemed to fall apart. So I did what any good daughter would do, I bought him a stuffed animal. It made him smile. And he still keeps it by his bedside. It’s called the vomit moose, since that was the most… obvious symptom at the time.

14. Best gift you ever received? My friend Lin gave me a card once with pictures and drawings of us. I love it and still have it ten years later.

15. How many times a day do you look in the mirror? Way too many.

16. What do you bring most to a friendship? I’d like to think I am funny. I talk too much, and always about the wrong and often quite strange things, but when I’m in the right mood and they’re in the right mood; I’d say I am funny.

17. If 100 people in your age group were selected randomly, how many do you think they’d find leading a happier life than you? Very few if we are talking happy as in privileged. I am so very lucky and have had so many fortunate turns in my life.  

18. What is or was your best subject in school? Social science.

19. What activity do you do that makes you feel most like yourself? Writing.

20. What makes you feel supported? I do. (Wow, I am actually quite proud of that answer, but it is true. Sometimes I look for help or motivation in others, but confidence and shit I truthfully only find in myself).

21. Whom do you secretly admire? Secretly? No one. I admire a lot of people, and I think I make sure to tell them.

22. What time of the day do you feel the most energetic and what do you usually do in those moments? Noon. Usually waste that energy on procrastination.

23. What’s something you never leave home without? Pants.

24. What’s a recurring dream you have? Teeth falling out. Or organs. I quite often have nightmares about some stuff that is supposed to be inside or attached to my body suddenly isn’t.

25. What makes you feel safe? Blankets and tea.

26. What’s the best thing that ever happened to you? Discovering international law as my field of work.

27. What do you want people to say about you once you’re gone? That I was smart.

28. What’s the coolest thing about science? Well… let’s go with nature science, because my field of research is not cool at all. I think it’s about the fact that nature is there. It’s not something we invent or solve, it’s something we discover. It’s all written, all the answers are out there somewhere. All the equations, all the numbers, they all correspond to a reality we only see fragments of. It’s like humanity is reading a book together, and the physicists and biologists flip the pages. And for each chapter we find out more and more about how the world around us works.

29. What’s the best money you ever spent? My skinny, black jeans.

30. What’s a bad habit you have? Listening to bad music. I don’t want to support sexist or racist producers. Still here I am, having my playlists filled with pop about grabbing pussies. I’m also weirdly addicted to marzipan.

31. What are you grateful for? My professors and a free education.

32. Whom are you envious of? Almost everyone. But it varies, passes and comes back. It depends on the day. Or the hour.

33. What’s an image you’ll never forget? Well, I have to go with a few summers ago when me and a former classmate ended up skinny dipping in a sunset down at Österlen. But actually, the first thing that came to mind was the real holocaust footage that was included in the TV-show The Promise. I had to leave the room, could not finish the series and I still think about it quite often.

34. Describe a near-death experience. My brain thinks I have one daily, but I don’t think I’ve ever had one. Once I got my luggage lost in Russia, and we had to drive around downtown St Petersburg for hours in a shady cab. It was all fine and no hostile environment what so ever, but when I tell the story it really sounds quite near-death.

35. If you had a clone, what would you have the clone do? Dishes.

36. What’s your idea of Heaven? A lot of cozy spots by windows with rain outside. Good food, good tea and good conversation. A book shelf would be nice too.

37. What’s your idea Hell? Bad food, bad tea and bad conversation.

38. When did you know? Did I ever?

39. What can you do better? I could be more structured. I literally have no routines at all.

40. When are you most yourself? When I am alone, covered in loud music.

41. What superpower would you most like to have? Time travelling but without all the complicated world-war-shit to come with it.

42. If you were granted three wishes, what would you do with the second wish? Fix up the UN.

43. What is your actual superpower? I am very, very analytic. I am also amazing at app games.

44. If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first? I would love to own a goat. But well, that’s more of a management problem than an actual money problem.

45. What's the best sound in the world? Waves. Or someone biting in chocolate.

46. What’s perfect about your life? My parents. And Amanda. She is a wonderful person. 

47. What song do you sing only when you’re alone and what memory does it bring back? Min Kärlek av Shirley Clamp. And there is no memories connected, it’s just fucking brilliant.

48. Describe a moment you were so embarrassed you wanted to disappear. When I was 8 we had a quiz in class, and I answered cow instead of turtle (I will NOT tell you the question).

49. How many times a day do you think about money? Every time I use it.

50. Who has been the biggest influence on you in your relationship to money? My parents.

51. What's one thing you're certain of? Cows don’t have shells.

52. Describe one of your colossal failures. I think I just did.

53. What makes you cringe? People trying to make memes a thing you can refer to in real life.

54. What does your inner voice tell you? To shut up. I tell it the same.

55. What crime have you considered committing? I don’t even bike without a helmet. I am a pussy.

56. What's great about your mom? Her hair is amazing.

57. What’s great about your dad? His hair is not so very amazing (and I inherited it) but he has other good qualities. He collects post-cards for example. That’s pretty cool.

58. Which day would you gladly re-live? The day in third grade when I won the egg-cracking championship at our school.

59. What are you awesome at? Egg-cracking, obviously.

60. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I seem decent.

61. When were you most afraid? Berlin, 2014.

62. What are you terrible at but love to do anyway? Sex, probably.

63. What weapon would you carry during the Zombie Apocalypse? An axe or a sword. Or a nuke, if bad goes to worse.

64. Which of your five senses would you keep if you could only keep one? I would like to hear shit.

65. What’s something you love to make? Pancakes.

66. What do you cook better than anyone? This weird ass pasta with butter. It’s unhealthy but so damn good.

67. What do you wish you’d invented? The airplane. Or well… the flying machine or whatever it was called when it was invented.

68. What would you like to invent? A new UN system.

69. Out of 100 random people, where would you rank yourself in terms of your intelligence? Pretty high.

70. Where do you want to be right now? Venice.

71. If you could be someone else for a day who would it be and why? Graham Norton. He seems so happy. And he is funny and smart and his job seems to be really cool.

72. What makes you feel powerful? My Hans Zimmer playlist.

73. What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said? Considering how empty my brain is right now, I think it has done quite some work on supressing those memories.

74. What’s the meanest thing someone has ever said to you? Actually, most people are nice. I don’t think anyone has ever been really mean to me. Sometimes I get hurt, when people say I am pretentious or annoying. But the only reason they say that (and the only reason it hurts) is it’s true.

75. What three words would you have on your grave stone? Let me sleep.

76. What’s your first thought when you wake up? Let me sleep.

77. What’s one thing you wake up to in the middle of the night worrying about? Usually if I have cancer in the prostate since I need to pee ALL the time. But then I remember I am a female.

78. If you could tell someone something anonymously, what would it be? I would tell my cousin Johan to never be insecure about anything. He is probably the most awesome, complete and admirable person in the world.

79. Whom would you like to forgive and forget? The people who made two and a half men.

80. If you could get rid of one of your responsibilities today, what would it be? Dishes.

81. What type of person angers you the most? Extreme right wingers who grew up in a place where they had a choice. Of course you can’t blame people for reacting to the environment around them, and get affected by their culture – but people who grow up with access to information and without oppression – how on earth did you make those conclusions?  

82. What is your greatest strength? I’m confident about my intellect.

83. What is your worst weakness? I’m insecure about pretty much everything else.

84. How do you show your love for others?  Tiny surprises. It can be buying them flowers, cleaning their apartment or just answering a two years old text and apologize for forgetting their existence.

85. Why are you here in this room right now? It’s 10 degrees minus outside.

86. When is a time you forgave someone or were forgiven for something? I forgave myself for not doing the dishes. It felt good.

87. What’s the biggest mistake you ever made? Talking too much. I always talk too much. It’s not one big mistake at one certain event. But it keeps on happening and I never fucking learn.

88. What are you hiding? Nothing.

89. What’s your unanswerable question--the question you seem to always be asking yourself? Can there be true objectivity?

90. What are you ashamed of? My fetishes.

91. What is stopping you? Panic attacks. Or walls, mostly.

92. What’s a secret you have? I really have no idea what I am going to do with my life.

93. How do you secretly manipulate people to get your way? I don’t do this on purpose, but I’ve noticed it happening without actively thinking about it. I usually express a will to rely on people, and come across as weak and fragile, making them think I need their help and protection – when I am really just better of on my own.

94. When was the last time you apologized? This morning.

95. What is the biggest lie you tell yourself? That I am a cool and mysterious person that people look up to.  

96. What’s the moment you left childhood behind? Probably when I moved out from home and went grocery shopping for the first time. Deciding if I needed milk or not was my first ever adult decision.

97. What's missing from your life? Structure. And home cooked meals.

98. Do you believe in a higher power? No.

99. What are you ready to let go of? About half my closet and my fear of flying.

[rhainontheshelves]

Musical Theatre!Rocky

A/N: Please forgive me please!! You have a long-ass bullet scenario ahead of you if you choose to proceed because yo girl doesn't know how to condense rip This is dedicated to an awesome friend, @sanhatation! The feelings might be long past but I promised to write this for you. A short part 2 will be coming to describe the life under the stage lights. Happy Reading! - Rhin

Rocky originally wanted to go to school for dance

Why wouldn't he? He knows he's stellar

But, he also wanted to sing

Unfortunately, it wouldn't be possible for him to get a minor in vocal

Dance takes a lot of effort and practice hours

So he worried and thought about it a lot over his senior year of high school

One day, Sanha approached him with a poster

It was advertising auditions for the school spring play

Immediately, Rocky was interested; acting had always piqued his curiosity but he had never gotten a chance to try it

He accepted the offer

Cue many practice meets with Sanha (who was auditioning as well) to memorize the monologue required

He memorized it quickly, just like any step or note

Pretty soon he made it his own, reciting with sincerity and little hand motions

At one point Sanha wondered if it was even worth it to audition anymore because Rocky was killing it

Come audition day

The director and the people helping him judge were very impressed with this young man they only saw passing the theater to go to the practice rooms

By the end Rocky was virtually guaranteed a spot in the production

He walked out of there the proudest boy alive but also as the most internally dying and relieved it was over with

Because he will never admit it but the audition really stressed him out and he worried over miniscule details

About three days later the director approached Rocky

He wanted to talk about the role he was thinking of assigning to the boy

It was an important part, however it wasn't the lead

"It's your first time." Was the director's reason

This disappointed Rocky a bit but the director had come with a plan in mind

Rocky would also be assigned as the understudy for the lead

The director had some suspicions about the boy casted as the lead's loyalty to the show, so if he did leave Rocky would get the role he really deserved

This pleased both parties and the next day the cast list was posted

A month later, practices were in full swing after school

Rocky was well on his way to getting his part down word-perfect and memorizing the lead's lines

He liked the cast and had made some new friends

The vibe in this group was carefree and fun while still hard-working

That's Rocky in a nutshell so he fit in quite nicely

The only thing that he didn't like was the inactivity

There were plenty of stage directions, sure

places he needed to be and actions that needed to be carried out

but where was the variety?

he thought back to when he was a tot and his grandparents took him to a show

There was dancing and excitement and singing and emotion throughout the whole thing

he wondered what had changed since then

turns out nothing had

he was just in the wrong year

"We switch between musicals and plays every other year," giggled Doyeon, the girl who was casted as the female lead

"You just came a year too late. I'm sure you'll have a chance to do one sometime in the future."

Rocky sure hoped so

First show night couldn't have come fast enough

There were still parts that needed more work, which is normal in any production

But the director felt that this was the most prepared that any of his recent shows had been

certainly not because of how hard some had wanted work to catch up and surpass Rocky

The show went amazingly well but there are always the oopses

aka a couple of props falling apart in the user's hands

Improvisation is a wonderful thing

It seemed like bows came too soon

Rocky stood up at the front of the stage with the rest of the cast, smiling and waving a bit after their final bow

His heart was soaring

The only thing that compared was when he finished performing one of his own choreographed dances and he got a standing ovation

That's when he realized that this was what he wanted to with his life

Fast forward to the last part of 2nd quarter, freshman year of college

He had just finished his homework for a history class and headed down to the theater department to grab audition material for the spring musical

Gotta start early

He gets outside the professor's office and sees someone else is in there

So he hangs around and waits, because he can be patient

He ends up dancing for like ten minutes, waiting, because this meeting is taking a really long time??

The door finally opens and a really happy girl exits

Rocky swears that the hallway gets a bit brighter

She turns around to thank the professor one last time but sees Rocky and almost has a heart attack

She totally didn't notice him there

Now flustered, she rushes away without giving Rocky a chance to see if she was okay

Slightly confused, Rocky just watches her go

The professor is in the exact same boat Rocky is

So they let it go and have a small talk about what the auditions require

For the rest of the quarter Rocky sees the girl in a lot of his classes and comes to the conclusion that she has the same major he does

However, before he gets the chance to approach her Christmas Break rolls around and he's off on the road back home

3 weeks, one memorized song and dance routine later, 2nd semester starts

Musical auditions are at the end of the first week back

and that first week couldn't have seemed slower

Lectures stretched on forever and homework seemed to take twice as long as it usually did

Finally, the last class on Friday was dismissed and Rocky was out of there like lightning

his class ended about halfway through the audition hours r.i.p

He ran as fast as his dancer legs would carry him over to the auditorium

Luckily the line is semi-long so he has time to catch his breath

The line shortens to about half the length it was when another person sprints in

The thudding of tennis shoes makes Rocky look up from the sample script

lo and behold the girl that ran away that one day is bent over a couple of feet away from him

"Are auditions over?" she asks fearfully

"No, I'm the end of the line" he replies

"Okay, good" she comes over to stand next to him in line

Rocky wonders if she recognizes him

she barely got five seconds in before she dashed away so he figures probably not

silence settles

until she curses

"I forgot my music in my room" she hisses to herself, smacking her head

Rocky's mouth runs before she can

"You can borrow mine, I have it memorized anyway"

she stares at him in surprise

"Really?"

"Yeah, here"

"Thank you so much!" Her gloomy mood brightens and Rocky's world does too

"No problem"

By this time the next person is called, and Rocky is torn away from a perfect opportunity to talk to her.... again

The audition goes by fast as always

Rocky stays for the girl's audition

Now or never am i right

She does a great job

Dancing needs a bit of work but that comes with practice

He's still standing in the doorway when she comes up the aisle

she gives him a "why are you still here" look but quickly replaces it with a smile

"You did awesome!" she compliments

"Same to you," Rocky nods

"Nah, I was just average... Thanks again for letting me use your music, uh... what's your name?"

"Minhyuk, but you can call me Rocky if you want to."

Cue the Zelda "object acquired" music because a new friend has just been made: (Y/N)

Rocky walked (Y/N) back to her dorm and got to know her a bit

She indeed has the same major as him

Her dream was to be on Broadway someday

but she's going through a slump rn so things aren't going so hot

Rocky understands; that happened with him and dancing around 7th grade

He promises himself that he'll check up on her and make sure everything's going okay

so he acquires her number before she takes the stairs up to her floor

and proceeds to do just that over the rest of the semester

checking up becomes full-blown conversations complete with memes

and they became best friends

they both got into the production that year

which made them even closer ofc

Summer Break rolls around and (Y/N) and Rocky swear to not let distance separate them

it doesn't

and this friendship continues until Junior year....

when (Y/N) drops out

her parents can't continue to support her financially and she doesn't have enough to support herself

Rocky, of course, is devastated

Where will (Y/N) go? Will she be safe? What about her dream??

He dies inside while helping her move her stuff out of the dorms and into her car

He goes back to cry in his room when her car is finally out of sight

The rest of the day is spent reflecting on every single memory

especially the one where she finally remembered that he scared her that one day Freshman year

"That was yOU??????"

and Rocky realizes that his world is no longer as bright

they continue to message each other

but it teeters out after a few months bc (Y/N)'s working two jobs to pay off her debt

soon Rocky has lost all contact with his former best friend, although he never forgets her

Fast forward a few more years

Now Rocky's graduated with a Bachelors' in the Performing Arts

He just auditioned for a role in Newsies

It fits his skill set perfectly

Acrobatics?? Yas

He's feeling pretty confident until he steps out of the building and someone runs smack-dab into him

He's dazed for a bit but when he asks the person if they're okay, his brain goes on over drive

(Y/N)'s there staring back at him in shock, an audition packet in hand

Rocky grins and immediately encases (Y/N) in a hug, questions falling out of his mouth at a million miles an hour

All (Y/N) does is hug him back at first, but Rocky notices her hesitation so he lets go

"I'm so sorry, it's just been a long time and I've been worried? How are you?"

(Y/N) finally smiles and replies, "I'm just fine now."

the two catch up while (Y/N) waits in line for the female auditions

(Y/N) was on vacation and she overheard someone mention auditions

she had never forgotten her dream

and a small little voice told her that something good would happen there

now she knew what the good thing was

*nervous and awkward blushing from both parties*

(Y/N) was called in before she could say anything else, so Rocky waited for her outside

fifteen minutes later she comes out smiling

She has a really good feeling about it

About three hours later

(Y/ N) has to go back to her hotel so she can pack and catch her flight

Rocky is determined to never lose (Y/ N) again

Bc he realized over lunch with her that his world was bright again and he never wants that to end

So he walks her to the airport, insisting that he see her off

(Y/ N) pretends to mind, but she really doesn't

She really missed Rocky the second she got into her car Junior year

The exchange of cell phone numbers happens once again at the terminal

It takes Rocky a couple of minutes more to enter his new number into (Y/N)'s phone

When (Y/N) looks at his contact, she blushes

it reads: Minhyukkie 😘

it doesn't seem special, but it is bc Rocky was insistent that only his girlfriend could call him that

(Y/N) makes a mental note to ask him about it the next time she sees him

fast forward one last time to the phone call

(Y/N) and Rocky were both super excited when Rocky picked up his phone

They had just gotten phone calls saying that they had been accepted into the production

Their first reaction was to call each other

In fact Rocky was just about to hit the call button when (Y/ N)'s contact popped up

The first five minutes was just screaming tbh

Eventually proper congratulations were exchanged

But it got lost in all the excitement

They would see each other for the rest of their Newsies career

And that was possibly the best thing ever