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hornime · 4 years

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home workout | bokuto koutarou x gn!reader

“i’d let you do- do anything. anything you wan’ to me. i’m yours. all- all,” his voice raised a few octaves as the inside of your thighs brushed past his cockhead, “yours. all yours.”

warnings: 18+, sub!bokuto, jealous!reader (i mean who wouldn’t be when bokuto, your goddamn boyfriend, is perceived by other people the fuck), also lowkey possessive!reader, lotsa licking and sucking, nipple play, some praise (from reader) and some begging, brief mention of dacryphilia, kinda soft at the end

w/c: 1.5k sheesh

a/n: bokuto brainrot has me in literal tears. him being completely clueless to people flirting w him cus he doesn’t recognize romance from anyone but you has me so soft. i luv this man w my whole heart !!!!! ALSO THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE ON THE BAKUGO FIC I JUST ABOUT SHIT MY PANTS WOOWWOWO

you weren’t an idiot. you knew that your boyfriend was attractive in literally every aspect of the word. he was sweet, patient, and kind, and what he lacked in academic smarts was made up tenfold in his emotional maturity and ability to read people. big and beefy, bokuto was all yours and all you wanted to stay trapped within his arms forever. unfortunately, to maintain the figure you adored so much and stay in shape for the volleyball season, he had to leave the four walls of your shared bedroom far more than you liked, having a daily obligation to spend a few hours at the gym.

once again, you weren’t an idiot. the few times that your work schedule and his training schedule aligned, you’d been able to work out together. and despite your knowledge of just how good-looking bokuto was and the fact that other people could perceive him (much to your chagrin) you were shocked at just how much people shamelessly flirted with him.

cute girls with matching leggings and sports bras practically clung to his biceps, gushing about how strong he was and how he could probably pick them up with just one hand. their incessant giggling, mesmerizing hair twirling, and teasing touches pissed you off to no end, and you’d tug your boyfriend away before their breasts got too close to him for your liking.

something else you noticed was that, no matter how blatantly obvious the girls seemed to be, the guys were somehow worse, flirting through terms you couldn’t even understand. they compared deadlift weights, bicep curls, hip thrusts; you gritted your teeth thinking about whether they’d ever compared cock sizes in the locker room—you wouldn’t put it past those thirsty gym rats. sneaky bastards.

and bokuto, of course, was oblivious to it all. how could you blame him—he was so used to being adored! you knew that, to him, all of their praises paled in comparison to yours, but you couldn’t help but feel jealous. he was all yours—should be all yours—and you hated sharing him with the world.

you woke up saturday morning with a ringing in your ears, hand smacking the nightstand trying to turn off that god-awful alarm noise, bleary eyes barely able to focus on the text notification from your boyfriend.

[5:33 AM] kou: gm babe!!!! i didnt wanna wake u up cus u looked so peaceful! im heading to the gym rn. text me when ur up! love uu

[5:34 AM] kou: should be home around 9!! gym bud wants to show me something so i might be a little late for breakfast.

just to reiterate, you weren’t an idiot. for all the annoying flirting you noticed when you were with bokuto, there was no doubt in your mind that there must be a lot more when he was at the gym alone, which, unluckily for you, was most of the time since he was a freakin’ pro athlete and all.

you couldn’t prevent the pool of envy from swirling in your gut. gym bud? are you serious? who could that be? the girl with the arm tat or the dude with the dreads? no, maybe its that yoga instructor with the ass—

you shook your head, clearing your brain. you’d be here for hours if you went through everyone at that stupid gym that had ever shown interest in bokuto. the clock read 9:53 AM and the green flame in your body only burned brighter. just as you were about to call him and ask where he was, the front door slammed open.

“babe! i’m home!”

you silently put your phone down, teeth still clenching in jealousy. for some reason, hearing his voice only exacerbated the tension in your shoulders. you needed him. now.

“babe?” his voice creeped closer as he tread through the hallway towards the room. “you up?”

you peeked your head out of the doorframe, cheery voice masking your devilish intentions, “kou!"

his eyes brightened as he made eye contact with you and flashed his trademark smile. “hey! what’s u-” he took in the mischievous glint in your eyes “-p?”

you grabbed his burly forearm, yanking him behind you and walking towards him, forcing him to stumble and fall back on the bed. “wait! i’m all gross and sweaty,” he said, “gym showers were broke-”

“i don’t care. take off your shirt.”

“wow, someone’s eager. missed me that much?”

“watch it,” you glared. “i’m not in the mood, kou.”

he gulped at the dominance radiating from your voice, scrambling to take off the t-shirt that stretched between his pecs perfectly. with the fabric off and throw haphazardly to the side, he looked to you expectantly, the epitome of innocence.

your eyes wandered over his sculpted chest, the remnants of a soft sheen of sweat from his workout making it shine in the sunlight pouring through the blinds. your heart stuttered in your chest—he looked like an angel. coupled with the way with his bottom lip was tucked under his front teeth and the wide, anticipating look in his eyes, fuck. you almost smiled how blessed you felt in that moment, to see him in such a raw, alluring position, before a jarring thought caused your lips to twitch back into a frown.

everyone else can see him, too.

your eyes hardened. maybe they can see him all big and strong, you thought, but they’ll never get to see him like this: submissive.

and so fucking sensitive.

within an instant, your lips were latched on the soft spot above his collarbone, causing him to whimper in pleasure. you continued to travel along his throat, slowly working your way to the other side of his neck and crossing back to nibble at his adam’s apple.

you unexpectedly pulled away, drawing a short whine from him, before repositioning yourself so that you were straddling his outstretched legs. slowly, starting from the hem of his shorts, you dragged your tongue between the ridges of his abs, moving up towards his pecs, tasting the saltiness of his sweat and feeling the muscles tense underneath.

“fuck,” he groaned. as your lips puckered around one of his peaked nipples, he uncontrollably jerked his hips up, inadvertently rubbing his sensitive cock between your legs. overwhelmed by the sensation, he moaned. “fuck.”

“you taste good,” you muttered, grazing your teeth over his other nipple. “just wanna taste you all the time. you’d let me, right?”

thoughts muddled by just how good everything felt, he nodded mindlessly. “i’d let you do- do anything. anything you wan’ to me. i’m yours. all- all,” his voice raised a few octaves as the inside of your thighs brushed past his cockhead, “yours. all yours.”

you paused. raising your head from his chest, you made eye contact with him, so intense he almost closed his eyes to shield himself from the blaze burning in your dilated pupils. “why’d you stop,” he begged, “i want more. feels so good and i wan’ mor-”

“say it again,” you demanded. “tell me that you’re mine.”

his eyes, glossed over and prickled with tears precariously close to falling, squeezed tightly as he spoke, unable to control the growing volume of his voice. “’m all yours. always. all yo- yours.” he gasped as you resumed your movements, pinching the sensitive skin around his v-line while fervently leaving sloppy kisses on his chest.

“good boy.”

he keened at your praise. another light touch to his cock combined with the passage of your mouth had him trembling, and his breath hitched as he cried out in warning, tears now flowing freely over his flushed cheeks. “m’ gonna cum, ‘m gonna, gonna cum.”

“yeah?” you whispered, lips brushing against his strained abs. “go ahead then.”

“fuck!” he whined, blabbering as you sat back and watched in awe of the beauty before you, a big strong man like him reduced to nothing more than a moaning mess. “fuck, fuck—you always make me feel so, s-so go-od, fuck i love you.”

with soaked shorts and an exhausted sigh, he dropped his head back onto the plush comforter of the bed. you flattened your palms on his quivering body, reeling from the aftershocks of his orgasm. he panted, running his fingers through your hair before nudging your face to look at him, staring at you with an expression of pure bliss and adoration. he studied you for a bit before declaring with a soft smile, “you’re the best. so fuckin’ happy that i’m yours.”

driven by affection, he sat up and reached his arms around your waist, snuggling his chin over your shoulder and mashing your chests, yours clothed and his naked, together. “kou wait!” you shrieked. “you’re all sweaty again! it’s gross!”

he chuckled. as if you hadn’t been spoiling him by licking it up just a few minutes ago. “you’re right. i‘m probably sweating more now than i was after my workout.”

at that, your ears perked up. “well maybe you should do home workouts more often then,” you teased.

“you’re right,” he repeated with a grin, “maybe i should.” if it meant more mornings like these, he’d forego the gym in a heartbeat.

that night, he canceled his gym membership. after all, he reasoned, it’s offseason anyway.

#i jus wanna lick him clean #sue me #kinky.inky #haikyuu smut #hq smut #haikyuu bokuto #bokuto smut #bokuto x reader #koutarou x reader #bokuto

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orbitvenus · 3 years

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this post is inspired by this reblog of mine <33 check it if you want to!!

Pairing: timeskip!Tendou x fem!Reader

Genre: fluff and drabble

Warning: grammar errors, its uhhh cheesy ig, bland dialogues because I suck at them, ooc??? and maybe some swearing

I hope this won't plop😭 also someone help me how to describe other gestures besides the forehead kisses,knuckle kisses and hugs that I always include in my writings

You and Tendou have been together for a long time. When he asked you to join and live with him in Paris, you immediately said yes knowing you'll be fine with him even though you have to leave your home country behind. Moving to another country is pretty tough at first, but slowly the two of you began to adjust and create a routine.

Now, you and tendou are about to celebrate your anniversary. He asked you to dress up prettily. You asked why he just smiled and said this anniversary is much special so its important. You raised your eyebrows as if every anniversary you had with him wasn't special. To you all the anniversaries you had were always special, each one is unique filled with happy memories and for this year you still look forward to what he had prepared.

He told you he will be picking you up later while he will be doing some business. He pulled you close to him and nuzzled his head to your neck like a cat which made you chuckle.

'Keep safe okay.'

'Yes yes no worries babe.' He spoke, muffled because he's still nuzzled on your neck.

He pulled away and looked at you lovingly before leaving. You stood there dumbfounded until the door is shut. He always looks at you with adoration that you never fail to send back at him but you noticed that his behavior today is....quiet weird. You decided to shrug it off.

You took a shower and stepped out to go to your bedroom. In your bed is a box with a note that came none other than from Satori.

'wear this for me.'

-satori♡

You smiled and opened the lid of the box. You pulled out the dress and admired it. Realizing it was the dress you mentioned to him that you've been dying to get. You felt fuzzy and warm with your heart fluttering in your chest realizing he remembered it and got it for you. You made a mental note for yourself to repay him. Snapping out of your daze, you hurriedly dressed up yourself as you saw the clock nearing to the time where Satori promised you to pick you up.

You were still trying to wear your shoes when you heard knocks behind your apartment's door. After finally wearing your shoes, you turned the doorknob and met your boyfriend all dressed up as you.

'There's my baby, I knew it would look perfect on you.'

His words always make you blush even though you two are no longer teenagers.

'Thanks you too.'

You walked near him and fixed his collar, inhaling his perfume as you come closer. You rested your hands on his chest. Taking a look at his form, he looks handsome as ever.

'Babe if you kept staring at me I will definitely melt.'

He teasingly commented. You playfully rolled your eyes at him and grabbed his hand to leave even if you don't have any idea where he will take you.

'Lets go now, don't want us to be late yeah?'

You were met with the breeze coming from the sea while walking, hands in hands with Tendou. Looking around the place is quiet with only the two of you walking towards a boat. The boat is decorated with flowers and battery operated candles we don't want any incidents to happen don't we. Tendou was first to step inside the small boat and held out his hand.

'Hop in my lady~'

He said it while looking at your eyes and grinning. You took it and stepped in with him while he's keeping the boat steady.

'Careful..careful okay there'

You got in and he gestured you to sit down. You sat opposite of your boyfriend and beside you is a picnic basket with wine and two wine glasses along with some food inside. Satori pushed the boat so it will move further to the sea and began rowing. While he was rowing you took the time to admire everything including him. He's still pretty muscular even if he already quitted volleyball but he continued to maintain his physique by exercising from time to time. The sun is beginning to set, casting the skies a beautiful orange glow.

Satori stopped rowing the boat and looked at you. Seeing that awe struck expression in your face, he knew he succeeded again. You felt his eyes on you and faced your body towards him.

'So....where did you learn how to row?'

'One of the locals who rents boats taught me how, to be honest I thought it was gonna be easy but I was wrong.'

You laughed lightly and continued to chat with him. While talking you two also started to drink the wine and eat the food that was prepared on a small table he brought out.

The amount of happiness you felt at this moment will never compare when you celebrated your first anniversary together. You continued laughing with Tendou when a latern caught your attention. You stopped and observed. Satori also kept quiet to observe you to see how you will react to his surprise.

It already got dark, luckily the candles and the street lamps are kept the place illuminated. That later changed when the laterns began to come out and light up the sky. Your eyes followed the laterns. At that moment it was so beautiful, you don't know if its a coincidence or part of your boyfriends plan.

You felt as if you were in the scene from Tangled. You were far too amazed to even notice your boyfriend. While you were excitedly admiring what he prepared, he took his time to prepare himself on the question he's been dying to tell you.

He knew it's about time for you to know when he was sleeping beside you one night.

He was just staring at the ceiling and he can't sleep while you were peacefully sleeping on top of him. He looked at you and realized after all you two have been through you still stuck with him. He remembered how you listened and comforted him from his insecurities. How you greeted him with a hug everytime he returns home from work. He even remembered how you kept practicing to cook for him. He remembered how he met you and how you got together with him. Everything, you're always there with him. He doesn't want to let you go and felt that he needs to confirm that you and him will be with each other forever.

He looked at the calendar besides him and saw your anniversary date. He thought about it and realized he had enough money to buy you the ring you wanted. Funny how it seems the universe is inclined with his intentions. He will have to start planning to propose to you but first he needs his sleep while keeping his arms around you.

'Y/n...'

'Hmmm?'

You responded but still enraptured by floating lanterns. He coughed and caught your attention.

'I know it was a big decision when I asked you back then to come with me here in Paris. I was prepared to hear your rejection back then but your excited yes shocked me a little.......'

He continued to say what he had always wanted to say to you. You started to tear up feeling overwhelmed by his confession. Somehow this scenario feels oddly similar to his first confession to you and hit you with nostalgia.

'Now I wanted to ask you to um...'

He felt flustered and his heart beating. He sighed before continuing and brought out a small box out of his pocket. He placed it on his palm and slowly opened it. Now is the time to ask the big question.

'Y/n L/n will you marry-'

'Yes!'

You happily interrupted him and threw your arms around him, burying your face to his neck to avoid seeing you in tears. Tendou is shocked and happy at the same time now that you said yes, you still have to wear the ring which you haven't done yet. He was about to take your hands and slid it on your finger when you hugged him.

He patted your back and smiled also starting to feel his tears build up when he realized you were crying.

'Hey- come on now I don't want to see you crying.'

He shushed you softly. You calmed down and backed off. You were still wiping your tears off you cheeks with your other hand when he slid the ring on your finger. You kept rubbing until you peeked your eyes open and saw the ring.

The tears began to build up again and you cried. Thinking what you did to deserve such man like him, he surprised you too much today you can't help but feel overflowing joy and love. You try to form words but the hiccups are preventing you and trying your best to wipe off the endless tears from your eyes.

Your attempt to dry them off fail until you felt Satori your now fiancé, use his handkerchief to help you. You finally looked at him through blurry eyes and saw how he was also crying while looking at you. Your hand reached out to his face to dry his tears.

He held your hand on his face and brought it near his lips to kiss your ring. His gesture made you cry harder.

'Damn it Satori! Stop making me cry you dummy.'

You finally spoke again. You made him laugh and stop his tears. Tendou tried to help you clear the tears from your cheeks again until its gone.

When you two both calmed down, he pressed his forehead against yours and connected his lips to yours while both of his hands are cupping each sides of your face. The kiss made you feel like fireworks soaring in the sky. He stopped and murmured against your lips.

'I love you so so much, thank you for being with me and loving me I promise to cherish you for eternity my paradise.'

'I love you so much too Satori...more than you would ever know.'

He let out laugh from your words. His laugh made you feel giddy. His yours and you are his officially.

'You know babe our setting really reminds me of that scene from Tangled.'

'Well...where did you think I got the inspiration from?'

Notes:duck im tired im also on low battery bye now- I have to rush the ending because I was at like....5% 😭😭😭 anyway thank you for reading!! Feel free to like and reblog if you like it <33

content by @dreamingkita pls do not repost or plagiarize or else I will hunt you❗

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

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(Prompts with boxes have been taken, highlighted have been written.)

I have requests and ideas for all of the prompts, so no more requests from this card will be accepted. I’m planning on writing and posting all of these within the month of December and probably a bit into January. If you don’t want to see these stories, block the tag #false bthb, if you would like to be tagged in future stories shoot me an ask!

This prompt got away from me a bit so it’s split into two parts. The prompt comes into play in the second part. Requested by @atlasistryingherbest I hope you enjoy it, the second part will be up tomorrow!

General tagging: @im-an-anxious-wreck (you're gonna be tagged in mostly bthb this month as that's the project I'm working on, so if you'd like this changed to only the multichapter fics or general one shots please let me know. Thank you again for the interest!)

My Sunshine Part 1

Summary: Patton thinks he’s finally caught the break he needs when he finds and falls in love with Roman. Ignoring the warning signs until it’s too late Patton ends up losing more than he had dared to gain.

Warnings: more for part two but story contains human trafficking, implied non consensual sex and starvation

Prompt: Denied food as Punishment

Ships: Royality, Patton x Roman

WC: 4, 166

Patton skirted around another group of students, clutching his rather heavy school bag and trying not to bump into anyone in his rush to his bus. The college campus wasn’t exactly large but the crowds remained a nuisance no matter how small the classes were. Seeing the bus start to pull up to the sidewalk for its hourly trip into the downtown area he quickened his pace, desperate not to miss it again. Thankfully getting to the back of the waiting line with time to spare he took a breath and finally managed to zip his bag closed, hoisting it over his shoulders and looking around to see if he could recognize anyone from his classes.

Having just moved into town for school a month ago Patton didn’t really have any friends yet, just people who would occasionally ask him for a pencil only to not give it back- but that was fine! Whenever he ran out of pencils to give he could just ask them for one and he would know they’d have one since he had given so many of his away. If nothing else he figures a missing pencil was as good an ice breaker as any to start a conversation with somebody.

Lost as he was in his thoughts he immediately snapped out of it when he caught sight of one of the cutest men he had ever seen. Tall, dark and handsome didn’t even begin to cover it when he saw the stranger laugh at whatever the person next to him was talking about and reach up to push longish, curly hair out of his eyes. The stranger seemed to suddenly become aware that he was being stared at, turning his head and somehow immediately locking eyes with an extremely flustered Patton. Offering a king smile and a small wave Patton was sure he turned at least ten different shades of red before he managed to tear his eyes away and trip up the stairs to the bus to plop tiredly in the first empty seat he could find.

Burying his face in his hands he groaned at his own stupidity, lamenting the fact that he had been caught ogling someone he didn’t even know or recognize from any of his classes. He had seemed so nice though, not even seeming fazed at being stared at- though with such a confident air that he seemed to have Patton thought maybe he was used to it by now. All he could hope was that he’d never see the stranger again and if he did he wouldn’t remember Patton as that creepy guy in the bus line who probably looked half dead for as much coffee he consumed to keep up with his life.

Deciding not to dwell on it too much he grimaced as he hoisted his pack up yet again as his stop came into view, dreading another afternoon spent on his feet trying to hear people’s orders and write them down correctly while the general noise of the restaurant made it a challenge to get his own forcibly friendly “Hello, what can I get for you?” to be heard. Shuffling off the bus with everyone else he quickly jogged down the block and around the back of the restaurant he worked at, swiping his apron on in the same motion of throwing his bag down and scooting it under a table and out of the way. Smoothing his hair bag and rubbing what he hoped was most of the tiredness from his eyes he put on his best smile and waltzed his way out onto the main floor, tagging out his shift swift for which he was barely acknowledged before they gestured to a family just getting comfortable for him to service.

Squaring his shoulders and taking one more deep breath he began walking over to them. It was just a five hour shift, he could handle a five hour shift.

-----

He could barely handle a five hour shift.

Frowning down at his bag that contained his barely started on homework his fingers fumbled with the knot of his apron as he desperately tried to work it off. Huffing in frustration he bent his neck painfully to get the top part off and shimmied hip hips while yanking the bottom part until he was finally able to kick it into a wall. Dragging a hand over his face he snatched it up and hung it up rather aggressively before getting his bag and hurrying out the back door to catch the bus back to his run down apartment. The ride was as uneventful as ever but he almost missed it when he finally reached his apartment only to see a corner of an envelope sticking out from under the door that would undoubtedly contain the rent bill he would have to scrape together enough change to meet again.

Although he was grateful to be away from his family and that he had been able to get into college in the first place it was an expensive path in life that he had to work hard at two jobs to maintain, still barely managing to scrape by each month. Since switching campuses to be closer to work opportunities it had only seemed to get worse. If he had a roommate it might be different, at least taking some of the financial burden off his shoulders but he didn’t know anyone in this town enough to ask and he definitely didn’t want to invite people he didn’t know into his life with an ad in the newspaper calling for a roommate- who knew if they’d even pay rent or pick up after themselves or leave his things alone. No, Patton was a little too paranoid for that. Flopping face down onto his couch he wormed his way half under the back cushions and seat cushions until it was just a little too tight and sighed contently, letting his eyes finally drift shut as he gave his legs a rest. His stomach growled not ten minutes later however, making him groan and debate whether making something would actually be worthwhile. Realizing he still had work to do anyway he carefully got up and rolled up his sleeves, wondering if that frozen pizza in the freezer was still good.

A little while later with pizza in one hand and a pencil in the other he worked his way through his math and science homework, stacking them to the side as he made way for the english paper he had yet to start. He was still trying to work through basic classes before he got to...whatever it wsa he would decide he wanted to major in, though sometimes he was intimidated but the already nearly overwhelming workload he had to tell himself it would all be worth it. He just had to smile through it and push through until he came out the other side with a bright a nd shiny degree and an even brighter future. Of course, that optimism could only take him so far as he stared at the book report he was supposed to be at least outlining, a quick glance at the clock telling him that if he wanted to shower, now would be the time if he didn’t want to be late for his stocking job. Working at a warehouse form one to seven in the morning definitely wasn’t ideal but it paid well and it was just enough to keep him floating while he worked his way through school. Wincing as he stood up on wobbly, half asleep legs he dumped his plate in the sink and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower before he had to be at the warehouse for his shift.

Stumbling out of his apartment complex still struggling to get his jacket on he happened to look up and see an unfamiliar car parked across the street. I wonder if someone else is moving in, he thought, squinting in the darkness of the early morning to try and make out details. He thought he saw movement in the drivers side but the beeping of his watch let him know he had a very limited amount of time now to get to where he was going, so turning on his heel he booked it to the warehouse a few blocks down, any other thoughts drowned out by the apprehensionsion of the promised monotony to come.

-----

Patton was dead on his feet by the time his shift ended and he made it back to his apartment. Making side eyes at the couch wit his notes still scattered on the coffee table he shook his head and went down the short hallway to his bedroom instead, peeling off his shirt and pants as he went and flopped onto the box spring, flopping his arm around for his treasured dog plushie before curling onto his side and beginning to snore within minutes. When he woke up to his insistent alarm five hours later he groaned and threw the plushie at the offending machine to no avail. Stretching out his stiff muscles he reached over and pressed the button to get the thing to shut up while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Another day, another...well just another day really. He had half an hour to make himself somewhat presentable and make coffee, maybe try to scratch out part of that english outline before heading off to class and repeating the daily routine of rushing around and catching quick ten minute naps when he could. Thankful today was Wednesday, meaning he had two more regular days and then Saturday he only had to get through his warehouse shift before he was free for the weekend. He made a face at the dust clinging to nearly every surface in his room.. Maybe he’d use that weekend to clean a bit.

Coffee brewing, face washed and toast wolfed down he did actually manage to get a quarter of his outline done before he had to gather everything up and leave. Taking a thermos of caffeine for the road he made it out in record time to catch the bus, idly noting the car from last night was still parked across the street, though it was clearly empty now. A dark blue Sudan with tinted windows from what he could. Shrugging he went to wait in line with everyone else; what he wouldn't give for his own car.

----

It wasn’t until the following week that he saw the car in a different place, this time parked in front of his restaurant. The only reason he really noticed it was because he had honestly been wondering when the thing would be toed considering it never seemed to leave the same spot from across the street. Shrugging the fleeting interest off he quickened his pace and got his apron on, shimmying the bottom part over his head since he hadn't got the knot undone and bending his neck forward to properly don the front loop. Smoothing himself out while shoving his bag under the table and fishing for his notepad and pen he stretched his face into yet another believable smile and pushed his way out of the kitchen and to his shift switch, only to freeze in place when they gestured to a table with a lone figure sat at it.

This cannot be happening, he thought with dismay. At the table sat the very stranger who had smiled at him after catching him staring last week. He was just as cute as ever and had a relaxed, easy smile on his face that Patton instantly felt himself melt for. Now is not thee time Patton, he scolded himself as he straightened his apron and walked over, palms sweating an embarrassing amount with knees he hoped to God weren’t visibly shaking.

“Hello, what can I get for you?”

The man looked up and his smile only grew wider as he cupped his chin. “Have we met?”

Sputtering, Patton clutched his notepad to his chest as he struggled to string a coherent thought together. He knew! He knew and now he’d get to tell him what a creep he was and-

“I’m certain I would have remembered the name of a person as cute as you if we had.” The man leaned forward practically purring. “Patton is it? That suits you.”

Patton barely heard the other half of what was being said to him, the word “cute” bouncing around in his skull too many times for him to properly concentrate on the actual conversation. He turned his incredibly red face away from the others gaze, not quite sure what to say back, thankfully the man saved him from having to respond by finally leaning back and taking the menu up again. “I’m very sorry, where are my manners? I’m keeping you from your job aren’t I?”

He was but heck if Patton was going to agree with that statement. The kinder he was the more this person might tip, and besides, he actually was very cute especially up close. He didn’t mind a bit of casual flirting especially since the other didn’t seem to have anything against him.

“You’re fine sir! I um- I don’t mind.” That being the closest Patton could get to actually accepting a compliment he quickly moved on. “Are you ready to order?”

“Yes actually! I’d like a chicken sandwich with tomato and a chef’s salad on the side.”

Nodding, Patton looked back up from his scribbling. “And to drink?”

“Water would be lovely.”

Taking the menu, he nodded again. “It’ll be right out sir.”

“Thank you, Patton.”

The use of his name set him on edge for a second but he quickly brushed it aside. He was just being nice, sure maybe overly nice- but this was the first full blown kind of conversation he’d held with someone who wasn't his landlord or boss in weeks. If the stranger wanted to use his name that was fine. He’d just have to learn his!

Busy as the restaurant was in the afternoon he was slightly disappointed he hadn’t seen the man leave but made his way over to the table to start cleaning up while he had a free minute. Lifting the check book his eyes nearly bugged out of his head at the tip that was left. A solid fifty dollar bill lay next to the receipt, and on the latter a phone number was written along with a name.

“Roman.” Patton breathed out. He realized he was holding a third month's rent in his hands, he could get groceries this week...proper groceries! Like...Patton pursed his lips in thought, maybe fruit and vegetables? He couldn’t remember the last time he’d bitten into an apple that hadn’t gone completely soft from sitting in the cafeteria for far too long. With stars in his eyes and a name in his heart he pocketed the tip and went about the rest of his shift in a daze, not even noticing the dark blue Sudan still parkly in the parking lot as he made his way back home.

----

Roman was absolutely charming- in every sense of the word. After their first phone call where Patton had thanked him endlessly for the very generous tip they had been texting and calling nearly nonstop. The flowery, flirty way he spoke, the way he looked at Patton like he was hung on the moon, even the way he said his name like he was cradling something precious, it was almost too much. Patton’s workplace had become a regular place for Roman to eat, always sitting at the same place and getting there seemingly right as Patton’s shift started. Tired still though he was, he found the monotony broken at last by a welcome smile to greet him every day of the week, and he was absolutely living for it.

Patton was ecstatic when Roman asked him on a date the following week, securing Saturday as the day they’d meet up at a different restaurant and hang out. He felt like he was floating, like finally something was sliding into place and everyday that it got close to the weekend just made him even more motivated to finish his shifts and homework so he could talk to the one who had so quickly captured his attention. The days flew by, and when Saturday finally came he rushed through his shift at the warehouse to go home and sleep, wanting to be well rested for his first date in years.

-----

Despite his excitement, Patton ended up oversleeping and rushing in vain around his apartment, throwing together a haphazard outfit consisting of a soft blue, non-work polo and light jeans. Sliding his feet into his usual tennis shoes and running quick fingers through his hair he could only hope that was enough as he ran out of his apartment and down the stairs to the street below. The restaurant wasn’t far thankfully and he was able to jog there in no time at all, hoping he didn’t look like too much of a sweaty mess to the other man who always looked impeccably out together. Spotting him at a table on the far side of the joint next to the windows Patton made his way over and sat down nervously.

“I’m so sorry I’m late! I overslept and I tried to hurry but-”

“Please, don’t worry about it.” Roman lain a hand on top of Patton's leaving him to fight to contain his blush. “I wasn’t waiting that long and besides, this place has a lovely view.”

Turning to look out the window, Patton had to agree. The restaurant had a wonderful view of the local park, families playing with their children or pets as the Saturday afternoon wore on. He watched the families almost wistfully, almost but not quite missing his own as he watched one play hide-and-seek while another helped their child across the monkey bars. He was so enraptured by the sight before him he didn’t notice Roman’s gaze turn calculating before his easy smile slid back into place, placing his chin in his hands as he joined Patton in people watching.

“Someday, when I leave this town, I’d like to be settled with a family like that.” Roman’s voice brought Patton out of his own thoughts, making him turn to his date with a smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’d like to have someone to take care of and love, and have them love me back. It sounds perfect doesn’t it?”

Patton flicked his eyes away for a second before smiling again. “It does. To be stable and settled down with kiddos, that’s the life I want.”

Seeming to sense his hesitation Roman cocked his head to the side. “Got a bad experience with families?”

“I-” Patton again was slightly put off by the stranger's forwardness and apparent skills of perception but he brushed it aside, finding it nice to be listened to. “My family and I didn’t get along very well I guess. We don’t talk at all now.”

Roman’s eyes flashed as he nodded. “I understand that. My family doesn’t talk to me much anymore either. It happens.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Patton looked away again as the waitress walked over with water and menus. Quietly thanking her Patton skimmed the list of items searching for something cheap. Settling on a club sandwich with a side of coleslaw he closed the menu just in time for the waitress to come back. Taking their orders she quickly left them alone once again, Patton trying desperately to hide a yawn behind his fist.

“Am I boring you already?” Roman said teasingly, and Patton’s face burned in embarrassment.

“It isn’t that I swear I-”

“It’s okay! Tired from work, I take it?”

Patton nodded gratefully and scratched his neck. “I work two jobs with school and I just- I’m a mess.”

Roman chuckled and shook his head. Hardly! That’s quite admirable of you actually, you work so hard for what you have.”

Patton smiled a bit at the table, blush dying down a bit as he breathed. “I guess so yeah.”

“Well I know so!” Patton flinched slightly as he raised his voice but Roman didn’t seem to notice as their food was placed in front of them and they dug in.

“We should really come here more often, this was exquisite!” Patton’s eyes shot up as he heard that. We? More often? Did that mean-

“You think entirely too loud for my liking my sunshine. Please forgive my forwardness, but would you like to do this again sometime?”

Patton beamed at the other man, twisting his fingers nervously under the table. “I’d love to, Roman.”

-----

The next couple months went by in a blur, having dates when they could manage them and extended phone calls when they couldn’t. Then a weekend finally came when they could go out again, deciding meeting at the same restaurant was fine since it was so good last time. Thankfully Patton wasn’t late again, sliding in a chair across from Roman and taking the menu in his hands.

“Hey Roman!’

“Hello my love, it’s good to see that smile again.” Face heating quickly Patton hid his face behind his menu and ignored Roman’s soft chuckles, deciding to order the same thing for simplicity's sake. Giving their orders and receiving their drinks left the two alone and Roman took the opportunity to lean forward with a serious expression, making Patton squirm nervously in his chair.

“Patton, I have something I want to ask you, and you can absolutely say no if you wish to.”

Pressing his lips together Patton nodded for him to continue.

“I know how hard you work, what with two jobs and school on top of that; you’ve told me you sometimes struggle to meet the rent. We’ve been dating for a couple months now and I was wondering, would you like to move in with me?”

Taken aback by the question Patton could do nothing but gape at the other man, silence stretching between them as he tried to comprehend what he was hearing.

“I understand the hesitancy but I feel like it makes more sense. I could pay most of the rent while you contribute the rest, we could trade off making dinner, it’s a bigger apartment I’m sure so you could get out of that run down building. Plus it's closer to your campus so you wouldn’t have to take the bus, and I could always drive you to work.”

“Roman- that’s incredibly generous of you but I can’t ask you to do that.” Declining drove a stake through his heart but Patton was determined to stay firm. He wasn't a charity case, and even if the answers to nearly all of his problems were sitting right in front of him he knew he had to refuse.

“Patton, you aren’t asking, I am.” Roman looked imploringly into his eyes. “You do so much, let me take care of you.”

Biting his lip, Patton looked back at Roman nervously. This was an incredible thing that had just landed right in his lap- he wanted to say yes so badly but what if they didn't work out? If they broke up Patton would be on the street, he didn’t know anyone besides Roman and his bosses and the latter he knew wouldn’t think twice about some poor college student living on the sidewalk. Plus he felt like the relationship was moving so fast, though he didn’t really have much to compare it to other than little high school flings so maybe he was just paranoid. But it was so difficult to keep up with the rent, and if he had the security of Roman- not quite the roommate he had imagined but definitely better, maybe everything was finally looking up.

Squeezing Roman’s hand he took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Only if you're sure and I’ll of course help out around the apartment in any way I can!”

“I don’t doubt it my love.” Their food was placed in front of them, as Roman nodded. “We can move you in today if you like. It wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

Smiling giddily Patton nodded. Yes, everything was certainly turning around for the better.

-----

As they left the restaurant with Roman leading him to his car so they could start packing up his apartment, Patton nearly froze on the spot but managed to keep walking like nothing had happened. He climbed somewhat nervously into the car he had been seeing outside of his apartment, outside of his restaurant and even sometimes outside of the rather remote warehouse where he worked. He shut the door to the dark blue Sudan carefully and buckled his seatbelt, pushing the buzzing in his ears aside as he settled in his seat and listened to Roman’s idle chatter.

Everything was looking up. It would be fine.

This work is also available on AO3!

Part 2 here

#false writes #false bthb #bthb #bad things happen bingoo #patton sanders #roman sanders #unsympathetic roman sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic

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marvelficrec · 5 years

Note

Tony Stark secret identity?

It’s a long list so it’s under the cut!

I Said “I Love You,” What Does it Matter if I Lie to You? + 95k

18 year old Tony Stark is your typical teenager. Well, except for how he’s the playboy billionaire heir to Stark Industries and working on two PhDs. Oh, and 6 months ago he was kidnapped by - well, no one really knows who. Since his rescue (excuse you, Tony liberated himself), he’s also been keeping a pretty big secret. Here’s a hint: it’s shiny, red and gold, and flies. Tony’s had a productive couple of months, but the fact that his grandfather keeps trying to hire bodyguards for his “safety” is really putting a cramp in his ability to keep his secret superhero identity, well, a secret.

Steve Rogers wakes up in 2015 and finds out that he’s missed 70 years (Oh god, does this mean he’s 94?), a revelation that he handles with much less grace than usual. Mostly, Steve just wants to be Captain America again, but on his own terms and without a lot of fanfare. To fill the time while Steve tries to figure out the best way to resurrect a dead superhero, his good friend Isaac Stark offers him a job: bodyguard to Isaac’s grandson, Tony Stark - who seems to get into a surprising amount of trouble for a teenager. “There’s no better introduction to the 21st century than through Tony,” says Isaac. Somehow, Steve is not reassured.

don’t know why it took me so long to see + 11k

“Oh, watch this,” Natasha says, propping her chin against her knuckles and turning a sweet gaze on him. “Tony, what’s it like dating a superhero?”

Tony bristles in irritation. “We’re not dating,” he snaps. “Captain America probably thinks he can get into anyone’s pants just ‘cause he’s got a mask, costume, and reputation, but not me, buddy. That shield? Gotta be overcompensating for something.” He adds, a bit petulantly, “Oh, and all that blue? Definitely more Steve’s color than his.”

Saving the World (Is Totally a Date) + 64k + personal favorite

Tony discovers Stane’s betrayal while he’s still being held captive. When he escapes, he sets out to ruin Stane as completely and ruthlessly as he can, playing up his PTSD and quitting his job to destroy Stane quietly from the outside. He also picks up a teaching job-all Pepper’s fault-and oh, right, becomes a supervillain. Okay, that one was Tony’s fault, but it was totally an accident.

In the meantime, a certain Capsicle is defrosted a year early, and is assigned the task of capturing the notorious Iron Man. It’s not going particularly well, if the embarrassingly high number of times he’s been kidnapped in the past six months is any indication. When SHIELD decides to help him “adjust” by getting him a teaching job, Steve is skeptical; but then there’s Tony, and Steve finds he doesn’t mind the 21st century so much after all.

The Most Amazing Things (Some Terrible Lie) + 26k

Tony’s decision not to reveal his identity as Iron Man to the world was shrewd and calculated. Too bad it’s about to backfire on him like a Jericho missile.

Slipping off the Page into Your Hands + 68k + personal favorite

Soulmates have their first words to each other written on their wrists. This should make it easy. For Steve and Tony, it is anything but. Steve’s problem is that the future he has awoken into is nothing he was ever expecting: he has a soulmate now. Who might be a robot. And if his soulmate is Iron Man, how can he be so attracted to Tony Stark? It should be impossible. Tony’s problem is that he is Iron Man, his soulmate is a man whom he in no way deserves, and he is going to fight everything in his heart and do his best to make sure Steve never, ever finds out the whole truth.

Cherry Ride + 12k

A SHIELD agent named Roger Stevens told Tony that his nickname was “Cap”. Tony didn’t connect the dots until it was much, much too late.

Steve Rogers: Undercover Robosexual - 11k

Tony Stark is a selfish, narcissistic asshole with a God complex, which makes his invention of the superhero Iron Man, an impressive android with an AI that surpasses even J.A.R.V.I.S. in complexity, all the more puzzling. Stuck in a future he struggles to understand, Steve surprisingly gets along with the bag of bolts more than any flesh-and-blood being. He often has to stop himself from taking chances with real human life (including his own) when Iron Man is in danger. After all, Stark likely has several back-up copies of Iron Man’s code, so he can always make another one, right? That’s what Steve tells himself anyway when he sees Iron Man flying a missile destined for New York City through a wormhole to destroy the Chitauri warship.

And then Steve gets a call from the man himself on his private comm channel.

“Hey Cap.”

“Stark, this isn’t a good time. I’m kind of in the middle of something. Can I call you back later?” Steve says, head tipped up to watch Iron Man’s ascension.

Bizarre Love Triangle + 1k

Once the idea was in his head, he’d started picking up on all kinds of things, like the way Stark talked about Iron Man with such affection, and seemed to share so many of his mannerisms, and was constantly working on ways of improving the suit. It was obvious.

Think of This as Solving Problems (That Should Never Have Occurred) + 35k

No one knows Tony is Iron Man. Then Tony gets amnesia, and literally no one knows Tony is Iron Man.

Wait & Sea + 50k

In which Tony and Steve get sent on an undercover mission aboard a cruise ship to make contact with Hydra. In this AU the military has kept the discovery and defrosting of Captain America a secret, so Steve and Tony have never met before. Yet they are to pose as newlyweds….

The Long Road Home + 47k

Maria Stark told her son that the Mark on his wrist meant there was a special someone out there just for him. Sarah Rogers told her son that his soulmate was waiting for him, and he needed to be strong for them.

Neither of them ever mentioned what to do if that soulmate just doesn’t want them.

I’ll Give You Gifts Until You Know My Name + 10k

Mr. Stark is an extravagant gift-giver: he has the money for it, after all. As Iron Man, Tony has the opportunity to gift Steve even more presents that, while less expensive, are more heartfelt. Having a secret identity means Tony gets to have his cake and eat it too when it comes to showering Steve with presents.

Until Steve starts developing feelings for his armored companion, and all the benefits of living a double life are turned on their head for Tony Stark.

Eavesdroppers Never + 7k

When Tony made the decision to have a secret identity, he had several well-considered and carefully thought-out reasons. But there were a few scenarios he never took into account. He never imagined that he, Iron Man, would be cuddling naked with Captain America in a Canadian shack in the middle of a snowstorm. He also never imagined that Captain America would pick that moment to tell him, Iron Man, about his feelings for Tony Stark. Uh-oh.

The Greatest Secret of All + 1k

Captain America and Iron Man are hit by a truth spell. So why is Tony Stark acting weird?

What Lies Behind + 63k + im actually currently reading this

Four months after the Battle of New York, Steve Rogers still hasn’t managed to find his footing. The new century is strange and upsetting, and he appears to have no purpose in it. But when SHIELD sends him to liaise with the director of Stark Industries, his life starts to change in ways he could never imagine.

Or, the MCU-rooted AU, in which Steve and Tony both still maintain their secret identities.

Thank You Fics Round 3 - chapter three

How to Date a Superhero Without Even Trying (MIT!Tony Drunk Dials his Ex and gets Captain America)

#stevetony #asks #tony stark #stony #secret identity #Steve Rogers

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ontherockswithsalt · 4 years

Text

Like you, I’m not here to think about Jamie and Noble in the context of pandemic quarantine. As a cop and a [redacted], they’re both Essential and wouldn’t probably get to spend any extra time at home anyway. But I’m certainly not opposed to shorter stuck-at-home scenarios for less terrible reasons. And would it be Joble fluff from me without (lap? hip? whatever) straddling? 😘

OHMYGOD y'all. This is what im talking about. Can you believe this is the life that awaits Jamie once his life stops falling apart?? Everyone appreciate this plz.

***

The apartment building’s sheltered hallway takes the edge off as I step out of the bone-chilling wind, but the tension in my hunched shoulders doesn’t melt away until I reach Noble’s front door. I’m greeted in his entryway by a blast of warm air and a subtly sweet aroma I don’t recognize.

“Jamie? That you?”

“No, nope, it’s Santa Claus a month late.”

As he rounds the corner I don’t miss his unimpressed eye roll. “Okay, ha, ha—“

“I’m not showered,” I interrupt, dodging his kiss, “and after today, I really need it.”

“You didn’t shower at work?”

“No, I decided to come straight here since someone had been texting me all day about how bad it’s supposed to get…”

“Hey, it was only like, four texts,” he insists. “To make sure you knew the latest forecast. Now they’re saying eight to twelve inches tonight with more tomorrow.”

I raise a suggestive eyebrow at him as I hang up my jacket. “Eight to twelve inches, huh?”

He’s not amused. “It’s getting bad out there!”

“But it’s nice and warm in here, and you’re not going into work tonight, and I’m going to take a shower and then you can tell me what smells so good.” I’m careful not to lean my body too close to his as I meet his lips with a quick, chaste kiss. “Okay?”

“Your lips are cold!” he grumbles to my back.

I’m already halfway across the apartment. “Give me ten minutes, dude.”

Though I’d intended to shower quickly, I let myself stay under the steaming water for a few minutes after I’m done scrubbing off my shift. After one unpleasant guest managed to both urinate and vomit in the back of our RMP — earning himself a trip to the ER for detox instead of waiting out the snowstorm in a homeless shelter — my partner and I spent the rest of the shift patrolling on foot. The wind picked up and the temperature dropped throughout the day and now it feels good to thaw out stiff muscles before I find sweatpants and a clean t-shirt and head back out to Noble’s living room.

He’s in the kitchen with his back to me when he hears me emerge. “I was gonna order Chinese, how’s that sound?”

“So you wanted me to rush home before it gets too bad out there, but you’re gonna make some poor delivery guy bring us orange chicken in the middle of a blizzard?”

“I’ll give him a big tip,” he shrugs as I move next to him, pressing my shoulder against his at the counter. “Oh, hey.”

“Hi.” Stretching up, I greet him with another kiss, a real one this time. “What’s all this?”

“This” —he gestures dramatically at the crockpot full of dark liquid in front of us — “is the best hot chocolate you’ll ever taste. And it’s about to get even better.”

“Oh. I’m not really—“

I mean to say a big fan of hot chocolate, but Noble shushes me before I can get the words out. I raise inquisitive eyebrows as he reaches into the liquor cabinet to bring down two bottles. “Which one?”

“For the hot chocolate?” I clarify. “Uh, the Kahlua I guess.”

“Really!” Noble’s head falls back with a surprised laugh. “And I figured you’d go for the bourbon.”

“I’m full of surprises.”

“Apparently!” He’s grinning as he spikes the hot chocolate with a generous pour. “Alright, and I know you’ve said you don’t like hot chocolate but trust me, this shit is so rich it’s like dessert in a mug.”

Noble ladles two steaming mugs full and leads the way to the couch. We’re a few episodes into Mindhunter and the blizzard outside, perfectly timed with two days off for both of us, will probably let us finish the rest of the series before we next venture out of Noble’s apartment.

“Okay you’re right, this is good,” I have to admit, settling back against the cushions next to him.

“See? You just have to trust me to expand your horizons.”

“I’m more worried about you expanding my waistline. Whenever we move in together, I’ll have to start—“

Noble leans sideways on the couch to regard me with an intrigued stare. “When we move in together?”

“Well yeah, someday. In the not-so-distant future.”

He glances around his apartment then lets his gaze fall back to catch mine. “As long as when someday comes, you move in here. Your place is nice but I’ve got more square footage.”

“You just don’t want to give up your kitchen island.”

“Yeah, I do like my kitchen island.”

Between my warm, boozy drink and my boyfriend pressed close against my side, that last lingering chill in my bones has finally edged away and I can’t help laughing at his admission. “My bathroom is bigger though! I mean, both of us using your tiny — water closet…”

“We make it work now!” he says.

“Yeah, for what, a night or two per week?”

“We’ll look for a new place then,” Noble decides. “A nice kitchen for me, a big bathroom for you. So we each have a luxurious room to spend most of our time.”

I dig my elbow into his side. “I don’t know why the bathroom is for me when you’re the one who’s full of shit.”

“Oh I’m full of shit? How’s that hot chocolate, Jay?”

“It’s alright,” I shrug noncommittally.

“It’s alright. It’s alright, he says!”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Oh! Why don’t you make me?”

Reaching to the side, I set my drink on the end table. And I lean back into Noble, craning my neck until I reach his lips and shut him up.

He obliges me for a second, his kiss sweet and unyielding until he breaks away to ditch his own mug. With his hands free he meets me again with an insistent mouth and wandering fingers that find their way to my waist. I push against him and he gives up his leverage, shifting to his back on the couch as I quickly follow on top of him, one knee landing on either side of his waist.

Noble’s hands frame my face, trying to maintain a shred of control but I’m quick to grunt my disapproval and grasp his wrists to take it away. Pinning his hands on either side of his head, I let my hips move against his in deliberate slow downstrokes as my lips work down the ridge of his jaw.

“Fuck,” he exhales the airy word and arches to meet my hips, his arousal obvious. “Oh my god, take your clothes off. Right now.”

My grip eases up and one hand tangles in his hair. “Mhmm,” I hum. “Go ahead, make me.”

#joble fluff #submission #cards-onthetable #8-12"?#yessir #make me? make ME

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vitanes · 5 years

Text

say it’s okay when it’s not

chapter 15: truth or dare

Lucas makes peace with himself, finally learns the whole truth about Eliott and realises that family is all the friends we’ve made along the way. Oh, and also gets a boy.

(a/n: so we’ve reached the end of this story. if anyone had told me id write over 80k words long story like a half year ago i wouldnt believe them but here i am. before writing for skam france, i had a long break but this show made me fall back in love with writing and no matter how detached i am from the series now, ill be always grateful for that. i want to thank every single person who’s ever liked, reblogged, commented or sent me an ask regarding the fic. im happy i could make you all feel something with my words thats my main goal as a writer. anyways, enough sappiness! enjoy the last part!)

Lucas knows that punching a guy when he isn’t alone is not the brightest idea, but it’s too late to think about it when his knuckles have already caused the damage. Buzzing with adrenaline, Lucas looks towards Tom. He’s backed away a few steps and is currently clutching onto his face. There’s blood running down from his nose.

There’s a wave of satisfaction hitting Lucas from all sides and it last exactly ten seconds before Tom’s friends are on him. One of them is holding Lucas by his shoulders while the other is glaring at him, coming way too close for Lucas’ liking.

He gulps, trying his best to maintain eye contact. He’s been crushed before because of how weak he was but this time he won’t let them hurt him without a fight. Not when he has every right to be furious in this situation.

The guy watches Lucas carefully, his eyes narrowed and after a few beats of silence, nods at the boy holding Lucas back. Much to Lucas’ surprise, he releases him.

“We don’t want trouble,” one of them says, looking meaningfully at all the people around them. Lucas follows his gaze and sighs. He was genuinely prepared to get beaten up again. Especially that they seemed like they wouldn’t care about the consequences.

But Lucas is still so full of anguish that he doesn’t know what to do with. He curls his fingers up into fists.

“I can’t let him get away with it,” Lucas grits out, his eyes downcast. They have no fucking idea what kind of hell he’s gone through because of Tom.

The boys look at each other, their faces troubled and then back to him. They still seem ready to stop Lucas from surging towards Tom. He can’t do anything in this case and it’s tearing him apart.

“Then don’t, but fighting won’t get you anywhere,” says the one that’s been previously holding Lucas. Look at them. Altruists.

Even when he wants to and has the occasion to get his revenge, Lucas can’t. And it’s unfair, isn’t it? He should be able to show Tom at least an ounce of the pain that was served to Lucas. After so many months, Lucas should be allowed to get back at him. But all he can do is stand there, helpless and trembling while they walk away, shielding Tom from him. That’s fucked up.

Once they’re out of sight, Lucas heaves out a deep breath and with it, the tears he’s been holding back start running down his cheeks. He’s crying out of frustration and anger because there’s no other way for those emotions to leave him. He can’t punch anyone or scream so all that’s left is crying. Right in the middle of the pavement, surrounded by people. Complete strangers that won’t even spare him a glance. Alone in his pain.

But he’s not alone, is he?

Lucas wipes his face with his sleeve and sniffs. There are people out there that care, that have his back no matter what. That’s what he’s learnt over the course of the last few months. No matter how much darkness is surrounding him, how lost he is, Lucas will find a way home.

Lucas is going to survive with the help of his friends, the family he’s made along the way. He’s been shown time and time again that he doesn’t have to face everything by himself.

That’s why he heads to the flat and when Mika sees the look on his face he doesn’t question Lucas reaching out for him.

Lucas hasn’t stopped fighting, it’s merely a break. He will go to the police tomorrow, he will handle everything. But now he’s bone-tired.

With no words said, Mika wraps his arms around Lucas and lets him rest.

“I know who blackmailed me,” Lucas mumbles into Mika’s shoulder and feels him tense.

“You do?” Mika asks, his voice breathy.

Lucas nods. “Is everyone in the living room?” Lucas can hear some muted noises but he isn’t sure whether it’s the girls or the TV.

“Yeah,” Mika lets out.

Lucas pulls away. “I want them to know, too,” he says. He’s gotten everyone too involved for him to keep it secret. At this point, he owes his friends that much.

“Of course,” Mika replies and nudges Lucas forward.

They enter the living room and their expressions must be rather grim because both Manon and Lisa stop chatting upon seeing them.

“Hi,” Lucas says, waving at them weakly before sitting down on the couch, next to Manon. Mika chooses his other side while Lisa is sitting comfortably in an armchair. “I found out who the blackmailer is. By accident.” He looks down on his hands. His right one still has some signs of what he’s done to it, but he long stopped bandaging it. Some fingers are a bit crooked, though.

“What?” Lisa asks.

“Who is it?” Manon sits up straighter.

Lucas snorts. “It’s a guy Yann and I were buying weed from. Last year. He just,” he shrugs, “wanted money for drugs. He got the pictures from someone else’s phone.” Lucas briefly glances at Manon, but she seems completely oblivious to it. So Daphne hasn’t said anything. Fine, he’s not going to, either. He has no energy to deal with this. “He didn’t have any ulterior motives. Fuck, he didn’t even plan to do it in the first place. I don’t…” he stops and drags a hand down his face. “…I don’t know if I’d rather have it be someone else, someone who hated me than this. It’s so fucking baffling that it wasn’t personal and yet I’ve been completely fucked over.” He pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, letting out a shuddering breath.

Manon rests a hand on his shoulder and squeezes.

“This dude is completely fucked up. How could he?” Lisa asks no one in particular.

“At least now you can rest. You know the whole truth,” Manon says, her voice calm even though Lucas can feel through his shirt that her hand is shaking.

“Yeah, I– I feel slightly lighter. But I can’t fucking do anything and it’s killing me. It’s like I’m about to explode,” Lucas confesses, putting his hand down on his knee.

Mika throws an arm over his shoulders and pulls him to his side.

“How about we go to the gym?” he suggests out of nowhere and when none of them say anything, he huffs. “It could help Lucas. It’s better if he doesn’t bottle it all up,” Mika reasons. Well, if he’s putting it that way.

Lisa opens her mouth to say something, but Mika beats her to it.

“Like a family activity?” he offers. They can’t say no to that, can they?

***

Going to the gym helps. Lucas was doubtful at first, but after two hours of intense exercise, his mind is much clearer. With his whole body aching and sweaty, he no longer wants to go out there and fight Tom. All he is craving is a shower and a nap.

Everything else will come later.

***

“I can’t fucking believe it was Tom,” Yann spits out, shaking his head. “What a fucking dick,” he adds.

Lucas has gone to the police and told them everything. He was assured they’d take care of everything and contact him sooner or later. It didn’t satisfy him a lot. He doesn’t think he’ll be truly satisfied until Tom faces real repercussions. And the police’s vague affirmations don’t tamper down his impatience. So he called Yann.

He told him the exact same story as he recalled to his flatmates, with maybe more details and Yann’s been cussing Tom out for the past ten minutes.

“Yeah, Daphne must have bumped into him, asked to call Imane and that’s how he got the pictures,” Lucas says in a detached tone.

“Damn. What now?”

Lucas shrugs. “I was told to wait. Not sure I can do it any longer but what other choice do I have?”

“I’m still so shocked you found out by simply overhearing. Like? How’s that even possible?” Yann asks, grimacing.

“I know, right? That’s what I mean when I say that coincidences don’t exist,” Lucas replies, looking straight ahead. He hides his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “But you know what?” He gazes up at Yann to find him already looking back. “I’m so fucking glad I know. It’s been gnawing at me for so long and I thought I’d never find out. I had no idea where to look, there were nearly no clues. I can finally focus on other things.” It’s awful that he can’t seek the revenge out on his own, sure, but simply knowing gives him more peace than anything. There are still so many things, issues that he has to work through and he bets it’ll be a long process. Having fewer things on his plate is beyond helpful.

Lucas can heal and grow, take his time for as long as he needs to without having this at the back of his mind all the time. He can push forward with no more secrets holding him back.

“You’re so strong and I’m proud of you, you know?” Yann says fondly and bumps his shoulder against Lucas’. Lucas smiles under his nose.

“Thank you. I have no idea where I’d be right now without you,” he admits in a small voice. Yann has been nothing but giving and Lucas will try to repay his kindness for the rest of their lives.

“I’m your best friend, aren’t I? I’m not going anywhere. I love you lots,” Yann says with an audible smile in his voice.

Lucas feels warm.

“I love you, too,” he replies, so fucking grateful for having Yann in his life. In a way, Lucas thinks, he saved his life.

Yann is his anchor, his safe place and Lucas is sure that he’d drown without him. He can only hope that Yann feels the same.

***

By Monday, Lucas has already talked with his friends and mom about the blackmailer. There’s only one person that doesn’t know and it’s Eliott. Truth be told, Lucas didn’t want to bother him with the news. He has no idea how Eliott is currently doing and he doesn’t want to force him into unwanted interactions. The time to tell him will come.

His friends have been all kinds of shocked and surprised, but the people who personally met Tom even more so. Emma briefly wanted to kill him and Yann shared the sentiment. But everyone agreed that it was about time. Or at least, mostly everyone. Lucas doesn’t know and has no intention of finding out what Daphne thinks about it.

“How do you feel?”

Lucas looks at Imane. “Better than in a long time,” he admits. She smiles at him.

They are going to the library, having decided to study together earlier. Lucas has expected questions like this, but he isn’t annoyed. He no longer has to hide his true feelings, he’s not burdened. And Imane asking him about his well-being means that she cares.

It’s funny to think that before all this mess started, Lucas and Imane were only friends by association. Merely greeted each other in hallways. In the span of the last few months, everything has changed and as of now, she’s one of his closest friends. An unexpected development in Lucas’ life.

He lost so much but he also gained a lot. And he’s not sure he deserves all of that, but he’s learning to accept good things nevertheless.

Imane is one of those people whose presence you want to keep around. Lucas doesn’t really know how to explain it and maybe he doesn’t have to. Perhaps, he can be simply happy about the fact that Imane wants him around, too. He shouldn’t question it. She’s a good person and an amazing friend. She’s both tough and soft as well as incredibly smart. Lucas admires her and can proudly call himself her friend.

“Good. You can try to catch up to me when it comes to grades,” she teases.

She’s also honest.

Lucas snorts and looks at her. “Are you sure you want that? I don’t want to make you sad,” he retorts, adjusting his backpack.

Imane rolls her eyes. “You wish. I just wanted to be nice. We both know you could never get on my level,” she states matter-of-factly.

“Watch me. The school year isn’t ov–“

Imane stops abruptly and Lucas glances at her in surprise. Her brows are drawn together and he follows her gaze.

Daphne is standing in their way. They look at her in confusion and mild irritation in Imane’s case. Lucas notices that she’s anxiously fidgeting in place. She must have followed them up until now.

“Do you want something?” Imane asks and her voice is devoid of the earlier playfulness. Lucas only now sees the strain Daphne’s acting made on the girls’ friendship. Imane has never been this cold towards her before.

“Can we talk for a minute? In private?” Daphne asks, staring at Lucas.

God, the audacity.

“No, I’m good here. If you have anything to say, say it,” Lucas tells her. He almost pities her. Almost.

“I just wanted to ask you if there was any way I could make what I did up to you. I know it was wrong, but I was hoping I could fix it somehow,” Daphne replies, holding tightly onto the strap of her bag.

“Are you for real?” Imane mutters under her breath.

The thing is, Lucas knows Daphne had no ill intentions and the guilt must be eating at her right now. Rightfully so. He’s aware that she never wanted to hurt him, but still. He can’t find it in himself to forgive so easily. Maybe if she had come immediately after the pictures were leaked, but as the things are at the moment, Lucas doesn’t even want to talk with her.

“How about you finally tell other people?” he says which instantly makes her clamp her mouth shut. “Besides, the only way you could make it up to me would be if you invented the time machine. Can you do that? Can you do that, Daphne?” Lucas asks and he can feel himself getting worked up, but he’s unable to stop. “We won’t be friends anytime soon. But if it only bothers you because you feel guilty, then just forget about it. I don’t care anymore. Let’s say you’re forgiven or whatever,” he adds, barely managing to keep his voice calm.

Daphne is watching him with her eyes wide open and her chin wobbling. For a brief moment, Lucas wonders whether he wasn’t too harsh, but it all disappears when he thinks of all the months he was hurting because of what Daphne did.

Imane places her hand on Lucas’ forearm and he’s so grateful. Her touch is grounding.

“Be happy we haven’t told everyone. We are giving you a chance to at least slightly redeem yourself,” Imane says. She doesn’t let Daphne add anything as her grip on Lucas’ arm tightens and she starts dragging him in the opposite direction. Though, Daphne seems speechless anyway.

“But what about studying?” Lucas asks when she eventually lets go of him.

“Let’s get a cookie first,” Imane replies, trying to smile at him, but failing miserably.

Lucas purses his lips and sighs. “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault your friendship is so fucked up.”

She glares at him. “She did the bad thing. It’s not your fault, okay? None of it is. I can’t stand with her after that. I’m just upset.” She shrugs one of her shoulders.

Lucas opens his mouth to say something when his phone buzzes. Imane seems to be deep in thought so he decides to check the message.

When he sees who texted him, his heart flutters excitedly in his chest, Daphne forgotten.

can we meet tomorrow? i want to talk with you

Lucas quickly types out a response, agreeing to the meeting and locks his phone. God, it’s been so long since he last heard from Eliott.

Imane nudges him and when he sends her a quizzical look, she asks, “What are you grinning about?”

“It’s Eliott. He wants to meet with me,” Lucas says, feeling his cheeks hurt from how much he’s smiling. Huh, so that’s how it feels when you like someone and you’re aware of it? Crazy.

Mostly, he missed Eliott and was worried. So he supposes, there are more reasons for his excitation than only his crush. Eliott is his friend first and foremost. The romantic attraction is just an addition.

“How’s he?”

“We’ll find out,” Lucas says, wishing tomorrow could come sooner.

***

When Lucas approaches the gate, it’s already open. He only has to slightly push it forward and the abandoned park comes into sight. He enters the place and for a moment the time stills. He revels in the way the wind is blowing subtly at the leaves. Even the air feels different here.

Eliott told him to come and see him at the tunnel he once showed Lucas. Looking around, Lucas remembers how Eliott told him he’d never brought anyone here before. That Lucas was first and maybe, just maybe, it was one of the signs that Eliott liked him, but Lucas was completely blind to it. You don’t bring a random friend to a place that’s special to you.

Lucas’ palms get significantly sweatier as he comes closer to the tunnel. Eliott likes to come here when he wants to be alone and yet, he once again invited Lucas to join him. Perhaps he feels safer in these surroundings.

Lucas reaches the tunnel and it takes him a moment, but when he eventually notices Eliott sitting against one of the walls, he lets out a loud sigh. Eliott turns his head towards him and Lucas could swear he sees a shadow of a smile on his face.

Before saying anything, he takes his steps to Eliott and plops down next to him, brushing their shoulders in the process.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Eliott replies, his voice a little uncertain. “Sorry I dragged you here. I just had to get away from my flat or I’d have lost my mind,” he explains apologetically.

Lucas nudges him playfully in the side. “No need to be sorry. It’s okay. I like it here. I don’t care about the place as long as I get to see you,” he admits, glancing down at his lap. He shouldn’t be saying things like that.

Eliott only snorts under his nose and sags against the wall. He seems tired. If it weren’t for the darkness, Lucas would probably see the bags under his eyes.

“Anything happen when I was out?” Eliott asks. Lucas thinks for a long moment. He can’t really say that he finally realised his feelings for Eliott after like months. So he goes for the only other thing he can think of.

“I caught the blackmailer.”

Eliott gasps subtly. “Oh. Is that so?”

Lucas tells him the whole story. He’d expect himself to get tired by now, since he recalled those events to so many people, but with Eliott it’s fine. Like always.

“I guess fate decided it was the time.”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing,” Lucas says, glad that someone has finally seen his point.

What follows is a bit of a meaningless back and forth before Eliott asks the big question, “You’ve met Lucille, right?”

Lucas frowns. He isn’t very keen on talking about her, but he supposes it’s only the beginning of what Eliott wants to discuss. “Yeah.”

“It’s almost like she moved in with me. I hate that my parents told her to take care of me as if we didn’t break up. I can’t stand all of them. I know they mean well, but God seeing your ex without going through depression sucks enough,” Eliott rambles on, his voice monotone. “I already said that I’m feeling better, but no, of course, she still comes. At this rate I’m afraid she’s gonna ask to get back together,” he continues, letting his head slide to the side, right to Lucas’ shoulder. Lucas has probably uncomfortable shoulders, but it’s too late, Eliott is already propped up there.

“And will you? Get back together?” Lucas asks, anxious. Eliott shifts and Lucas can feel his eyes looking up at him.

“You know I won’t,” Eliott says calmly and the weight of his words makes Lucas realise just how close they are right now. “About that. I wanted to say sorry for being an asshole to you last time. I was all over the place. Embarrassed because of everything I did during, you know, being manic. I went out of my way to remind you of my feelings. It all just hit me and I lashed out on you. I was scared you’d hate me. So yeah, I’m sorry.” His voice is quiet, but in the tunnel, Lucas can hear every single word clearly. Eliott still seems scared. And ashamed.

“It’s okay. Nothing you did made me feel uncomfortable.” Quite the opposite. “And I could never hate you for that. Besides, I should have given you more time. You weren’t ready to talk, I can’t blame you for your reaction,” Lucas says reassuringly. All this time, he was angry at himself for overwhelming Eliott. There hasn’t even been a moment in which Lucas had considered thinking badly of Eliott.

“Yeah, but I’m bi– bipolar, not brainless. I should know when to shut up. It’s not an excuse to be a dick,” Eliott mutters and maybe he’s right. Maybe they both made some mistakes. It’s all in the past, though. “I just really wish you had found out in another way and not when it was out of my control,” he whispers and sighs.

“Then why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I wasn’t ready. I don’t like that part of myself. It’s hard for me to talk about and I didn’t want you to look at me differently. I was gonna tell you, but I kept putting it off because everything was so good and I finally felt happy. I thought that maybe… maybe it wouldn’t happen again,” Eliott says and nuzzles his face against Lucas’ shoulder. He seems so fucking sad. Lucas wishes he could do something to help him. Make him feel better.

“You stopped taking your meds,” Lucas states, remembering what Eliott’s parents said. He feels him nodding.

“I felt too happy,” Eliott admits. They sit there quietly for a few moments, both at a loss of words.

Lucas doesn’t really know what he could possibly say in this situation. He doesn’t think there is anything that he could think of. He’s never been good at that sort of stuff. And it doesn’t look like Eliott wants him to say anything. More like he wants him to listen and understand.

“Remember when I told you about everything that happened at my old school?” Lucas hums. “I skipped out on some things. I, um– I had my first episode back then. It was much worse than what you’ve seen. Yeah, I was in love with one of my best friends, but it got out because I kissed him in front of everyone when I was in the middle of being manic. He rejected me and then everything went to shit even more. I was losing it and people at my school were awful. I’ve done so many things. And after all that, I crashed. I crashed so badly I wouldn’t leave my room for weeks. I missed my exams because of that. And I…“ he pauses to take a deep inhale. He sounds choked up. “…I was so deep in that dark place I tried to… tried to kill myself.” Lucas’ breath hitches in his throat. He feels Eliott trembling against him. Lucas wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to go further, but Eliott isn’t finished yet.

“They saved me and then I spent over two months in a hospital. That’s when I got diagnosed. When I was out of there, about to repeat the year, some of my friends tried to reach out to me but I pushed them away. I wasn’t happy with Lucille. And as the first semester progressed, I had another episode. Less violent than the first one. After that, I decided to change schools. Start fresh and stop being regarded as crazy by everyone. I really hoped it’d be– it’d be different,” Eliott admits, his voice breaking halfway through. Lucas doesn’t look towards him, afraid that he might see him crying. He wouldn’t be able to hold back his own tears if that was the case.

“It is different. We won’t leave you. And no one at school knows,” Lucas says in hopes that it will make Eliott feel a tiny bit better. “Also don’t worry, we’re not going to start treating you like a toddler. But we’re going to support you and be there for you.” Lucas is sure of this. He’s not alone and he won’t Eliott be, either.” Thank you for telling me all of this. Thank you for… for trusting me enough.”

“Thank you for listening,” Eliott murmurs, a little bit strained. He’s fighting so hard not to break down right here, on Lucas and Lucas wishes there was a way for him to convey that it’s alright. That he doesn’t have to hide anymore. But he isn’t sure Eliott would appreciate that right now. He probably doesn’t want anyone pointing his weaknesses out. Not after everything that he’s been through lately. So this time, Lucas will let him be. Patience and baby steps.

He looks down again. Their hands are so close to one another. If only Lucas moved his a couple of centimetres to the left, he’d cover Eliott’s palm. He glances then at Eliott’s face and sees that he’s closed his eyes. He looks drained.

It’s not the time for Lucas to be daring. There will be another chance. They’re okay as they are.

***

Lucas keeps staring at the empty chair across from him. He knows it won’t magically make Eliott appear, but one can wish. Eliott still isn’t feeling well enough to come to school, but he said he might be back next week and that’s what Lucas is holding onto. It doesn’t change the fact that the table feels empty without him.

It’s funny to think that some time ago he’d feel overjoyed every time Eliott skipped school and there were only four of them. And now he’s moping. Oh, how the tables have turned. Lucas would even hope for Eliott not to come sometimes. Which, in perspective makes him feel guilty. Eliott tends to skip school on his bad days. So every time Lucas was happy that he had his friends all to himself, Eliott was being consumed by his own mind. Sweet.

Lucas sighs to himself, dragging a fork over his plate.

“Dude, it’s like the tenth time you sighed in the last few minutes,” Basile points out to which Lucas only shrugs.

“Let him be. He’s sulking,” Yann says, barking out a laugh. He’s the only one knowing about Lucas’ recent epiphany and the asshole is having great fun with it.

“Why are you sulking?” Arthur asks, poking Lucas in the forearm.

“Do you remember when you asked me whether I had a crush on Eliott?” Lucas mumbles under his nose.

Arthur nods, squinting his eyes. “Yeah?” Lucas looks at him pointedly and then Arthur gasps. “No way,” he lets out.

“Yes way,” Yann teases. Lucas scowls at him and kicks him under the table. Basile yelps and Lucas figures out he missed.

“How long? What?! When?!” Arthur exclaims and Lucas shushes him when too many people look their way.

“I don’t know how long. It hit me last week,” Lucas explains.

“Unbelievable,” Basile lets out, shaking his head. “All Eliott had to do was to have an episode. Bravo, Lucas, bravo.”

“Fuck you,” Lucas says, but there’s no bite in his voice. He knows he’s an idiot. In his defense, internalised homophobia is a bitch to deal with and repressing things is a way to go. He still has moments when he denies his feelings or thinks that he’s disgusting for liking Eliott. He doesn’t even want to think about the turmoil he’d be going through now if Eliott didn’t reciprocate this crush.

“And you know what’s even better? Eliott likes him back,” Yann singsongs with a shit-eating grin.

“He does?!” Basile asks in disbelief.

“He does,” Arthur simply states, unlocking his phone.

Lucas huffs. “First of all, don’t talk about this! It’s confidential and he isn’t even here. And second of all, you,” he points at Arthur who purses his lips into a thin line, “you knew?”

“Yes. I knew. Why do you think we kissed that one time? We were both sad because of our crushes and Eliott told me back then it was you,” he explains, scrolling down some website.

“Then why did you ask me if we were together?”

Arthur lets out an exasperated sigh. “Because he told me months ago, drunk. We never really talked about it again. You could have gotten together in the meantime.” He shrugs nonchalantly. Well, he does have a point. “There’s a party on Friday. Are we going?” Arthur changes the topic. He looks up at them expectantly.

They glance at one another and then collectively nod. It’s been some time since they last went to a party. And the other time they wanted to get some relax, it didn’t exactly work out.

Yann nudges Lucas in the elbow. “Do you think you could get Eliott to come?”

Well, he can try.

***

Lucas was pretty sure Eliott would immediately decline but turns out that convincing him to go with them was much easier than expected. Of course, he said he wouldn’t drink and would be there only for a short time, just to see all of them after almost two weeks. All of which Lucas understands.

They agreed that Lucas would come and pick him up before the party, since Eliott would feel too anxious to go by himself.

It’s a bit earlier than he was supposed to arrive, but Lucas thinks that Eliott will forgive him as he knocks on the door to his flat. It takes a good minute for the doorknob to move and the door to open. Lucas partly expects to see Lucille facing him so he lets out a breath of relief when it’s Eliott.

His hair is damp and his clothes are disheveled. He isn’t ready to go out yet and Lucas has enough decency to murmur, “Sorry for being this early,” before Eliott ushers him in.

“It’s fine. You can sit wherever I’ll go get ready,” Eliott says, sending his way a nervous smile.

Lucas watches him disappear in the direction of his bedroom. Eliott seems a bit shaky. Maybe he doesn’t really want to go to the party? But what can Lucas do, though? Eliott is a big boy and he won’t baby him. Lucas won’t act like Eliott’s parents and Lucille. After all, Eliott should know his limits.

With that in mind, Lucas goes to the living room and settles on the couch. He hears Eliott going around the flat, his steps loud in the silence of the walls.

Lucas looks out of the window and says, “Oh, fuck,” just as Eliott passes by the living room.

He sticks his head into the room, gazing at Lucas in confusion.

“It started raining,” Lucas mutters in the same exact moment a thunderbolt cuts through the sky.

When the loud thundering sound can be heard, they lock their eyes and Eliott says, “Fuck indeed.”

They smile at each other.

Lucas looks at Eliott since he finally has a clear sight of him and notices that his cheeks are a bit sunken and there sure are purple bags under his eyes. He is worn down and there is no beating around it.

“You don’t want to go to the party,” Lucas states instead of asking. Eliott sighs, looking down and it’s enough of an answer. The rain is rhythmically hitting the windows and it’s gradually getting darker. As yet another thunderbolt lights up the room, Lucas continues, “We could use it as an excuse and not go. We can hang out together at any other time.”

Eliott glances up at him, biting down on his bottom lip. “I’d like that,” he admits quietly.

Lucas grins towards him, feeling his heart racing. He likes this scenario better as well.

They both jump when there’s an especially loud clap of thunder and right after that the lights go out.

Lucas can only see the glint of Eliott’s eyes.

“Oh, great.” He chuckles nervously. There are a few seconds of silence and then Eliott turns the flashlight in his phone on. It doesn’t do much since they’re pretty much surrounded by darkness at this point, but it’s helpful either way.

Eliott moves towards the couch and then sits down next to Lucas. They stay in silence, letting the thunder outside fill it. It’s not exactly pleasant, considering the fact they keep flinching and jumping every few seconds. Lucas would really like to hold hands right now. But it’s not like he’s going to ask, right?

“I’m a bit scared,” he admits and feels Eliott turning his head towards him.

“Me too,” Eliott whispers when everything is lit up again.

Lucas hums thoughtfully. “Let’s play something so we can get distracted,” he suggests, breathing out evenly.

“Okay.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Sure,” Eliott agrees. “So what do you choose?”

Lucas is not about to do some things when it’s dark everywhere around them so he replies, “Truth.”

“Hmm. When was the last time you wet your pants?”

Lucas makes a face. “Come on, dude. Seriously?” He groans and closes his eyes. “I was fourteen. I was watching some dumb horror,” Lucas confesses. He doesn’t even remember what the movie was about, but it sure as fuck gave him a couple of sleepless nights. Eliott snorts. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Have you,” Lucas pauses, biting the inside of his cheek. “Have you ever been with a boy?” He can feel himself blushing as he says those words.

“Yeah, I have,” Eliott replies. He doesn’t say who or when it was, which is partly disappointing as it is relieving.

They take turns in asking each other questions throughout the thunder going on outside. Neither of them chooses dare, not wanting to move anywhere. They ask each other gross and mostly trivial questions. It’s not the time to go deeper, to unpack their traumas and they’re aware of that. They laugh and teases each other, and by the time the thunder is almost gone, they’ve moved so much closer to each other that their sides are touching. They don’t comment on the fact their hands are brushing and Eliott’s index finger keeps tracing the back of Lucas’ knuckles. Their words are hushed whispers and each time one of them says something, the other has to lean closer.

Something has shifted in the span of the last few minutes or hours; Lucas doesn’t really know how much time passed.

One wouldn’t consider asking someone whether they’ve ever eaten boogers romantic, but within the context, Lucas thinks it’s the most romantic setting he’s ever been in.

“Truth or dare?” Eliott asks, staring at the side of Lucas’ face.

Lucas turns his head for the first time ever since they’ve started this game. Their faces have never been this close.

“Truth,” he mouths, knowing that Eliott will hear him anyway.

Eliott gazes at him for a long moment, searching for something and he must find what he’s been looking for because he asks, “Do you like someone?”

Lucas swallows, his eyes falling down to Eliott’s mouth and quickly back up to his eyes. “Yeah,” he breathes out, shifting his body closer. “Truth or dare?”

Eliott looks over Lucas’ face and his index fingers move up to his wrist. “Dare.”

The only thing that Lucas can hear is the thump-thump of his heart. He parts his lips.

“Kiss me.”

***

5 MONTHS LATER

Lucas isn’t drunk. This time, he truly isn’t. He might have had a beer, but he isn’t looking forward to getting wasted any time soon.

He’s at a party, with his friends. He’s having fun and he doesn’t need unhealthy coping mechanisms to stay afloat.

The guys are talking about how they’ve been spending their summer. Yann mentions his part-time job, Arthur gushes about the girl he’s been flirting with and Basile recalls the two weeks his family spent in Greece. Lucas attentively listens to their words, dropping something from himself every few sentences.

His eyes keep straying over to Eliott, who’s standing in the corner of the room, chatting with Imane, but glancing time and time again towards Lucas.

A couple of months ago Lucas wouldn’t grin at a boy the way he does now. But a couple of months ago he didn’t have a boyfriend either.

The process of accepting, embracing his sexuality has been difficult. Trial and error, despite the support from everyone around and having started dating Eliott. It’s okay, though, because Lucas has learnt that he needs to do things slowly, be patient and gentle with himself. He’s currently in the best place he’s ever been. Things around him have changed and his way of thinking is far from the one he had in the past.

Lucas is healing. Sure, there are still nights he wakes up from nightmares of being beaten up or he can’t sleep altogether. He doesn’t have enough bravery to march in the Pride Parade, yet, but he hopes that next year he will find it in himself. There are moments he hates this part of himself and agonises over the fact he can’t change it.

Then again, there are times when he loves who he is becoming, loves being gay and lets himself enjoy the life he has.

It’s similar for Eliott. He wasn’t cured, there are still awful days he has to go through, they fight sometimes over stupid things. They work through their issues together, sometimes ending up hurting each other. But at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. Lucas can’t imagine anyone else by his side and no matter how many doubts he has, he knows Eliott feels the same.

Lucas’ struggles haven’t ended, but happiness isn’t out of reach. And he wouldn’t have made it without his mom or his a bit mismatched – and at times weird, Lucas thinks, as he watches Basile mix up the spicy sauce with his beer – family.

For the first time, it’s all looking up and Lucas wishes he could go back in time and tell himself that he wouldn’t be hurting forever. That he isn’t alone and everyone that’s caused him pain, would be punished. Tom and the boys that beat him up got what was coming for them, even though Lucas’ mom thinks it’s not enough. Lucas is simply glad his case wasn’t glossed over.

Imane leaves Eliott’s side when she’s called by Manon and Daphne and Lucas follows her with his gaze. Daphne has eventually come clean and initially, everyone pretty much resented her. Rightfully so. Lucas is still bitter at times, but he figured out there was no point in actively hating her so he just doesn’t care. The girls are still not so enthusiastically on board with her, but they haven’t abandoned her completely. Lucas is glad. It’s not like he wants her to have a miserable life. He’s not evil.

Lucas looks back towards Eliott who is now staring at him. Eliott cocks his eyebrow, his mouth stretched in a lazy smile. He nods his head towards the exit and winks at Lucas. Lucas rolls his eyes fondly and excuses himself from the guys.

He flips them off when they start wolf whistling as he approaches Eliott.

As Lucas is in front of him, Eliott reaches his hands to place them on his hips, but is stopped by Lucas’ fingers.

Lucas looks meaningfully towards the room full of people. “Let’s go outside, okay?” he suggests in a small voice to which Eliott only nods in understanding and grabs Lucas’ hand. He entwines their fingers as they leave the house the party is at.

Yeah, there are still some issues, bad moments and not everything has been magically fixed, but life is no longer hopeless and Lucas can finally say that there is a future for him. And maybe, for now, it’s enough.

#elu #elu fic #elu fanfic #skam france #skam france fic #skam france fanfic #lucas x eliott #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant

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ignitesthestxrs · 6 years

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i made a post about depression and the severe effects it has had on me the past year or so, and what i’m doing to deal with it right now. it’s under a cut for triggers/length but i am definitely a believer in the importance of talking about your mental health and where you’re at with it if it’s something you feel able to do.

i have talked a bit before about things like 20% goals for 20% days and breaking big things up into smaller pieces in order to deal with them, and in the last sort of week i have come to realise that i’m dealing with more of a long term depressive episode at the moment than just having a short run of bad days and that’s

a lot to tackle! it is a lot. and it’s really hard to look at the giant pile of a lot and think, boy i’ll be on top of that one day

i want to gloss very briefly over how bad it got - clothes were not being washed, or put away, my floor was covered in...pretty much everything i own, plus the addition of rubbish. i basically got up in the morning (eventually), showered,said whatever to my hair and dragged on whatever clean clothes i could find and went to work. most of my energy went into appearing somewhat human there, and then i would come home, collapse into bed and listen to podcasts until it was late enough to sleep. i usually forgot to take my medication, or worse, would remember, and then just lie there and not take it because the dressing table where i kept it felt too far away

it’s difficult to...understand where that behaviour comes from when you have a brain that is functioning well at work and around friends and basically being On enough that so long as your bedroom door is closed, no one knows what an absolute human disaster you’ve turned into. like i find it very difficult to pair the external functioning me with this internal me that doesn’t even have enough energy to hate herself, that is just Tired. my depression never comes with self loathing. it’s Nothing.

anyway i was talking a bit to one of my mentors last week about feeling stuck at work and trying to figure out where i am and where i’m going and how hard it is to do that at work when in my home life i feel so lost, and she basically said to me--

look, work will be there later. and you can’t excel at work if your personal life is a mess. it’s okay to take the time and coast for a bit instead of constantly reaching for the next rung on the ladder, and focus on dealing with your personal stuff instead.

and i know this! this is stuff i tell other people, but sometimes even when you Know Shit, you need to be Told it in order for it to sink in and take hold.

at the same time i’m dealing with weight and health and exercise issues, which dovetail neatly into ‘issues with my mother’ that i won’t get into, all of which contribute to a deteriorating mental state. and i have been trying to tackle all of these things at once - physical health and mental health and environmental health and just trying to be an all round better human and all i have really been doing is turning in circles

so i decided to take the spirit of that mentor’s advice and cut it down to the bare bones. you can’t focus on x if y is a mess. and i sifted through this mass of issues to find the sort of....core to start from, which is my environment.

like if im surrounded by the detritus of living constantly, if i am having to wade through my room to get to the door, if everything about simply existing in one place in the world feels difficult and impossible then there is no way to move through the rest of my life.

so i’m starting here. the room has been cleaned. the washing has been done. i tell myself that it’s okay if i dont do anything else productive the whole fucking evening. i can listen to all the goddamn podcasts i need to, but i have to maintain the cleanliness of my personal area, and take care of tasks relating to it before they start to pile up - bring the dry washing upstairs, fold it, put it away, listen to podcasts. make sure trash goes in the bin and not the floor, listen to podcasts. get into comfy clothes when you get home, put those close in the wash basket, listen to podcasts. you get the picture.

i’m also folding in basic self care regarding personal appearance because that’s shit that’s easy to do, and it makes me feel better. i straighten my hair in the morning, and it means i go through the day without feeling messy and out of sorts. im maintaining my skin care routine because it also helps me feel less messy, and i like my face being Soft, and it helps with my acne. little things that help.

and im taking my medication.

and that’s it for the next little while. there is a part of me that sneers, that is annoyed and resentful that all of these things that should - and have been, in the past! - basic tasks for existing in the world have suddenly become something i need to retrain my whole brain to engage in, but at the end of the day, sneering and resentment is not going to get this any better. i’m working on making this my new normal, my Base Hannah. once i’ve achieved that, i can tackle the next part, and so on and so forth.

but for the time being, achieving what i have in comparison to where i was, feels good. and i’m going to hold on to that.

#cw: depression

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moonchildhcs · 6 years

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parkchan hcs

hi kids uwu

in retaliation to miss parker dae’s decision to write some persimin im writing some parkchan so bring it on, bitch boy

how do yall meet ?? its because u were both at the park uwu

u and persi were playing on the swings and oru boy bang chan arrived with his kids and !! he might be the leader but he Wants The Swings !!! but persi is in their own world so you, being a Kind Person (not because hes super cute or anything) gave up ur swing for him and decided to play on the monkey bars instead

and it goes like this for a few hours !! its u, persi, and the boys playing around the park and having the time of ur lives !!! but then the ice cream truck comes and chan, not forgetting that you gave up ur prized swing for him, went over and bought u both some !!! and its the expensive soft serve ice cream too and ur like BITCH WAIT LEMME PAY U BACK

and hes like no !! u gave up ur swing for me !! im repaying u for ur kindness

persi and the kids in the background: huehuehue lovebirds

anyways u two playfully bicker about who owes who (chan insists ur both equal but u insist u owe him) before it gets really,,,, really dark our and u all have to head home and chan, smooth as hecking EVER, says he needs ur number so yall can settle this matter later and who are u to deny this hot guy with a cute accent ??? so u give him ur number and ur like “i WILL repay u”

and he gives u the cutest grin and is like “sure you will ! its a date” and he leaves and u fucking SCREAM

and he keeps u to it yall go on an ice cream date later and u treat this time !! tho he did try to sneakily pay when u left for the bathroom but you caught him in the act and he just,,, walks back to his seat and ur like :^) before paying for the two of you !!

also yall take some cute pics but he insists on having his mask on (you think its for the fashion but its bc he doesnt want to get caught by dispatch oopsies)

and this becomes a monthly thing !! you guys go out to a new ice cream place and try different flavors and stuff once a month as a date but also yall enjoy going on different kinds of dates as well :^)

such as exploring !!! chan told you his job sometimes forces him to stay up rlly late and ur like :( oh no bb but then hes like BUT LETS GO ON A NIGHT ADVENTURE and ur like oh HECK yeah !!! and you guys explore the city at night

also u both speak english and korean so sometimes yall just,, randomly switch between the two in the middle of ur sentences ! anyways uwu

this is maybe three months?? after yall started going on dates and yall are stargazing from the rooftop of the tallest building there is in the area and ur eyes are sparkling, looking at the sky as some soft music plays from ur playlist

and chan just blurts out an “i love you” and you whip your head because !!! holy shit !! and hes like “please, please be my girlfriend” and ur like omg YES !!!

and thats how yall start dating !! but he feels guilty bc hes assumed that u dont know that hes an idol and he calls you and hes like “ive been keeping a secret from you” and ur like “ur an idol? dw i been knew but ur a person before u r an idol !! it changes nothing between us” and his heart hecking BURSTS with his love for you bc !! u dont care abt his career u care about him primarily and he just LOVES YOU

anyways now that yall are an Established Couple lets explore the dynamics shall we?

tbh yall are just big hecking softies !!! yall love to stay in and cuddle because chan is a busybody and can be,, tired especially with promotions so sometimes yall just put on a nice movie or some cool tunes and,, cuddle with a bunch of blankets and stuff

and its rlly cute and wholesome and just,,, uwu

as mentioned yalls continue your ice cream dates !! its a tradition and even if he goes overseas yall just facetime each other and go out to an ice cream place and c o n s u m e !!!! its rlly cute actually and after a while yall settle on One ice cream place that not only has really good ice cream but is also not that busy so chan doesnt have to wear his mask inside !!!

hes five inches taller than you which is Optimal for forehead kisses !!! he just Smooch you all the time !! also loves smooching ur nose he thinks u have a v cute boopable nose !!! he just rlly loves showering u with affection

also he loves to be big spoon !!! he just likes emphasizing that he is bigger than you its fun and to him its very cute, especially when u get frustrated and ur like “IM NOT SHORT” and hes like aha, tell that to our height difference :)

also yall have made eachother so many playlists before and sometimes its a lil bit spicy to indicate that yall find each other Hot but mostly its just rlly cute, meaningful playlists that have made eachother cry

also you BETTER believe this sappy boy has made you more than one song !!! he just lovessss you and he subtly mentions u with nicknames and variations of spider man and ur like (O//W//O) bc thats so hecking cute and meaningful !!

also he better believe ur his number one supporter !! uve got all the merch (but also eventually he finds out that despite being ur bf ur bias is hyunjin and he pouts for a week straight lol)

also u steal so much of his clothing that at one point hes like “parker.. please return my shirts i have nothing but pants to wear” and ur like “oh my god bet?” jokes jokes but im sure the view would be nice oopsies

u dont say it but u love his accent a lot u think its rlly cute (and a lil hot) and he doesnt notice it at first but eventually he notices the dreamy look on ur face when he speaks english and hes like oh? is that what i think it is? and he goes out of his way to speak english from then on and ur like BITCH but also KEEP TALKING

u guys have some lowkey couples clothing but the most blatant is a matching necklace !! it has a sunflower charm on it and its rlly cute :)

anyways bitch lets get onto that hecking SPICEEEEE

u saw the babygirl broadcast. the og broadcast with the pic. and once that live was over u texted him like :^) babygirl huh?

and hes like,,,, oops !

but this prompted a discussion abt kinks between yall and he was like ,, i cant call u babygirl because imma have to call my fans that now to cover for myself but,,, a daddy kink,,, whew chile !

later that day he comes over to ur house and fucks you into the mattress as u scream daddy into the pillow! and dont worry; he calls u princess instead :)

he likes tying you up with these rlly nice silk ribbons !! especially these baby pink ones he thinks u look rlly cute with baby pink :^)

hes not into ageplay of course he thinks thats fucking weird but he likes being called daddy and sometimes when u want to be a brat ull lean into him in public and call him daddy and hes like Wait Till We Get Home and ur rlly in for it with then bc then ur getting it especially rough that day he doesnt give a FUCK

but semi-public spaces are a no go hes got an image to maintain and a career at risk so its strictly at ur place but the absolute tension between yall as yall approach ur place is palpable like... hes rlly intense

also sometimes hes rlly into producing music so sometimes ull be in his Producing Room with him and ur just,, rlly horny but hes like Im Sorry I Have To Work so u get off by riding his thigh and ur like NICE but hes like,,, fuck thats hot and so he takes a break from producing and instead fucks you in the recording room since its soundproof :^)

anyways yall are spicy oof the flavor !

#parkchan #spicy!

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xz017 · 6 years

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oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???

got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker

the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.

her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like

basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that

girl be actin homeless---mood

so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like

‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’

n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao

‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’

i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao

anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!

cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke

i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that

but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me?????????????????????

um...no one

like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway

cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’

n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE

n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.

n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time

n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate

and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve

n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset

cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck

deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts

n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT

n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO

n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS

n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually

n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive

n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like

no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here

n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...

cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane

n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more

n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican

and she gave me a sideeye

but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right

im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?

im scared.

like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race

n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen

like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?

my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school

n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh

im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist

i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule

like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack

wat is the truth rip

the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.

my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow

n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.

which is ye know good for her rip.

i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities

like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like

binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye

n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm

mine is for science n validity

hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...

bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip

but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?

im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???

prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???

what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.

i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.

that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.

n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip

i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man

meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip

god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly

# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me

now im sad

im dead.

omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’

DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready

like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love

the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love

the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness

but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh

bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip

meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...

i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do

but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble.

bitter but like...humble

‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’

‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’

‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’

oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?

had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.

my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni

rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you

n she was like so no children then:(

n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro

but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?

anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...

sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji

rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh

At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that

then she was like ew nO

then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card

which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.

so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth

but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?

really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.

nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR

rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand

i miss the gays

i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well

add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand

n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--

n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’

n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’

n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip

Big sand honestly.

it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand

i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8

#personal tea #read more only #entry

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softforimjaebum · 7 years

Text

Ripped Jeans

Im Jaebumx Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Genre: Thigh Riding Smut

Summary: Jaebum had been thinking about a certain kink all day long, even when he shouldn’t have been

Author’s Note: Send all the holy water y’all have, and drink some yourself. We all need jesus. Inspired by this:

To say that Jaebum was tired when he returned to his dorm after fan meets was an understatement. They would usually meet people all day long, and by the time he was alone in the confines of his shower, he didn’t want anyone to so much as talk to him, not even the rest of the boys.

After that, he would heard straight to bed. Some nights he even skipped dinner because the thought of the muscles in his mouth working made him feel awful.

But tonight, he just couldn’t get his mind off you. He knew this was the worst time seeing as you would probably be cuddled up in bed since he hadn't mentioned meeting you. He had seen the pictures you had so innocently sent him, trying on new dresses that you had bought that day in the few breaks they got during the day and it had somehow driven his thoughts wild.

He knew you didn’t send those pictures to try and tease him, but he couldn’t help it. All he could think for the rest of the day was getting you off. And now here he was, in the shower with the water cascading down his body with a hard on he didn’t want to do anything about. He didn't want anything to do with it if it didn’t involve you. But the problem was, he really did want to do something about it.

Usually, he wouldn’t be so needy. He could get himself off for the night and just meet you the next day to take better care of him. It had been way too long in his honest opinion since he had been able to see you owing to the many promotional events GOT7 had been a part of.

No matter how he tried he could not get this one image out of his head. You, riding his thigh, getting yourself off. He could almost imagine you grinding on his thigh, giving in so easily to his depraved kinks. On second thoughts, he realised you probably had a similar kink anyway. He could imagine your hands pulling at his hair and scratching any skin you could find because he wouldn’t let you get off that easy. It was almost painful to think about teasing you (and teasing himself in the process), but for the life in him, he couldn't stop thinking of it.

He was harshly pulled from his fantasy land by Jinyoung knocking on the bathroom door.

“Jaebum hyung, I need to brush my teeth, why is the door closed?”

He let out a deep sigh, turning the shower off and stepping out to reach for his towel kept on the rack.

“Give me a minute I’ll be right out” he shouted out to Jinyoung.

He dried himself the best he could, and then look at the pair of shorts he had brought with him to wear after his shower. He had made the mistake of bringing basketball shorts of pretty flimsy material, the kind that made it especially difficult to hide a hard on. He sighed again, debating whether to just wear his towel out. It wouldn't help much but it would be better than putting these shorts on and risking Jackson spotting him. He would never let Jaebum live it down.

“Hyung?” Jinyoung called out again

“Coming!” he shouted, sounding a little harsher than he initially intended. He couldn't help but let his temper flare.

Deciding to just go with the towel, he yanked the door open and walked past Jinyoung without a word; if anyone could understand Jaebum’s temper flares, it was Jinyoung. They had known each way too long to not realise the little things about each other.

Walking into his room he was almost glad for Jackson to be fast asleep on his bunk. Because this way, Jaebum had the room quiet and to himself. He had some things to mull over.

Should he just text you to meet him? He knew he couldn’t just go over considering he didn’t know what the situation with your roommate would be like. It wasn’t because your roommate had any hard feelings for him, in fact she loved him and babied him the way you would often baby Yugyeom, but because she hated being disturbed in her sleep. If you and Jaebum had plans she would either borrow your noise cancelling earphones or would shift to Jaebum’s dorm for the time the two of you needed the apartment. But if he decided to just show up unannounced and tease you into screaming his name until it was all you could remember, and mind you he definitely did plan on that, she would kick you both out onto the streets.

Then an idea struck him. Jackson had recently leased a car. He kept complaining about how he couldn't always wait around for the company cars to drive him around and wanted some privacy to himself, and so the company had allowed Jackson to lease a car for the next year to drive around as he pleased. The windows were obviously tinted, and at this ungodly hour, Jaebum could think of a couple of places that would be empty enough to park the car and have his way with you.

He decided to text you, checking if you were even awake.

Are you awake?

Your phone dinged, and you were surprised to see a text from Jaebum. You knew he had a fan meet during the day, the many pictures of GOT7 being, well, GOT7 had made its way onto your Twitter feed. Whenever he had a schedule as busy as today, you didn't expect him to contact you any shape or form. Pre-comeback, mid-promotion, all these times were when you had least contact with him. Not that he didn't make up for it whenever he could. If there was a day when he was just slightly less busy he would show up on your doorstep with takeout and cuddle you into the next morning.

Yes I am, everything okay babe?

You were ever so slightly worried at such a late night text only asking if you were awake. Your mind automatically went into mother mode because everyone knew idol life wasn't easy, and at this hour, everyone tends to overthink. You had just about locked your phone to wait for his reply, expecting a couple of minutes to pass before he did; everyone knew Jaebum wasn't a fast texter. He was quite a grandpa in that way, and truth be told, you could almost swear your grandma actually texted faster than him. However, you were surprised again at how quickly his reply had come.

I’m coming over, wear something easy to take off

OH. You were confused for about five seconds before it dawned on you; this was a booty call. You were still confused about Jaebum actually having enough energy to even text but hey, you weren't complaining. Needy Jaebum was the best Jaebum.

You had ended up just ditching your Stitch pajama bottoms for a plain skirt and about 15 minutes later, Jaebum was calling you asking you to come outside, saying that he had brought Jackson’s car with him.

You rushed out, leaving a note on the breakfast counter for your roommate just in case she woke up and found you gone. You recognised Jackson’s car easily, having helped him select this very one yourself.

Sitting in the passenger side, you greeted Jaebum with a smile, and you could tell by his face he wasn't kidding around. He did, however, lean in to give you a quick kiss on the cheek before starting the car. There were silence between the two of you as he drove, and that wasn’t an uncommon thing for the two of you.

After driving about 20 minutes, Jaebum had brought you to what looked like an empty parking lot where he drove till the very corner of it and parked the car.

He was the first to break the silence, before you could even think of starting a conversation.

“Come here” he said, signalling to his lap and extending an arm towards you.

You quickly undid your seat belt, kicked off your slippers and crawled onto his lap, his arms engulfing you even before you were fully comfortable.

“I really missed you” you whispered while you nuzzled into his neck. You placed a lingering kiss that sent shivers down his body and he slightly pulled your body back.

“Me too”

You could tell he was being honest about his feelings, even though he never used many words to express them.

He took this opportunity to kiss you, soft and lingering at first, teasing you. If there was anything Jaebum loved to do, it was to find new ways of getting under your skin and teasing you. You knew tonight would entail the same, him having come up with something he knew in his heart would drive you mad. His hands were lightly caressing the exposed skin of your thighs, sending goosebumps all over your body.

He continued this until you wanted more than just soft kisses. Your hands went straight to his hair, pulling his face towards yours and he chuckled before deepening the kiss. His hands rested on the curve of your back, starting to slowly move you to grind on him. You lightly clawed at his neck before holding onto it and using that as a leverage to grind a little harder on him.

He could feel it when you started to get into grinding on him, the friction caused being slightly addictive. His hands crawled under your skirt and grabbed a handful of your ass, causing you to lowly moan into the kiss.

He pulled away from the kiss and went straight for your neck. He loved biting as much as you did, and you would probably have a lot of makeup to do in the upcoming days trying to hide the marks he was leaving. He started near your collar bone, slowly making his way up to your ears, his hands still holding onto your ass and maintaining just how fast you could grind on him.

“Ride my thigh” was all he whispered in your ear before pulling away from you completely and sitting back in the seat. He looked at your face, trying to read your expression. And you would be lying if you didn't admit that was one of the hottest things you’d heard Jaebum say, and you’d heard him say a lot of filth to you.

“You kinky little sh-“ you started with a smile before being cut off by a quick kiss from Jaebum, his face mimicking the smile on yours.

“Don’t even try to act as if you don’t love the idea already” Jaebum said, his eyes eager to see you do what he asked.

Well, he did have you there.

You got up on your knees and slightly repositioned yourself; the huge seats in Jackson’s SUV coming in extremely handy as you put both of your knees on either side of his thigh. This is when you noticed what he was wearing; he wore the same jeans as the ones he had worn earlier in the day at the fan meet, the extremely distressed jeans. He had only bothered to change his shirt, now wearing a plain black shirt that clung to his broad shoulders for life. The very thought of grinding on his ripped jeans made you moan.

Noticing this, Jaebum put both his arms on your waist and pulled you down to sit on his thigh, hurrying you along. Once seated you were slightly unsure of how to go about his request, but started grinding on his thigh like you had been before.

It felt a lot different though, the feeling of the distressed material of his jeans rubbing against you through your panties was delicious. You rolled your hips slowly, treasuring the new found friction, getting used to it.

Jaebum, on the other hand, had other ideas. He wanted to push you to the edge and then keep you there, just begging for his mercy. His hands gripped your waist tighter, making you grind a little harder on his thigh. He could feel the material of your panties on the skin that was exposed and as much as he liked it, he wanted to feel just how wet you were, he wanted damp spots on his jeans by the time he was done.

Lifting you up a little, his hands reached under your skirt and towards the waistband of your panties, tugging them down quickly. Not knowing how to exactly take them off all the way, he thought it would just be easier to rip them, seeing as the lacy material wasn't that strong anyway. As soon as you heard the material rip, you looked at Jaebum wide-eyed, and only slightly disapproving. You didn't have time to voice your disappointment though since as soon as your panties were gone, he brought you back down on his thigh and the feeling of the rough material of jeans right on your clit drove you wild.

“Fuck, Jae, that feels so good”

You were a moaning mess and his lips were everywhere on you, sucking marks on your neck before moving downwards and biting the supple skin of your chest. He managed to unclasp your bra and kneaded your breasts before pinching one of your nipples, making you cry out above him.

One of your hands is in his hair, pulling every time he gives you little bouts of pain and the other one is holding onto his shoulders for support. You grind on his thigh faster, and that is when one of his hands moves to your hair, yanking your head backwards, making you look directly at him.

“Look at yourself, riding my thigh in Jackson’s car in a fucking parking lot. You know anyone could see you like this right now, and I bet you wouldn’t even care would you?”

All you could do was whimper. The fucking mouth on this boy was pure filth and he knew too well that you loved it.

“I can fucking feel how wet you are you know? Just like that baby, keep grinding on me”

He held your eyes as you kept grinding on him, dangerously close to your release. And he could tell because the next words he said almost made you cum.

“I can feel how desperate you are to cum, but don’t you dare do it until you’ve soaked that spot on my jeans” he said, pointing to where you were grinding on him.

“Jae” you whispered, your own voice sounding broken and raw. “I can’t, its too much”

The harshness of his jeans was too much to bear, and to not cum while grinding on it even worse.

But Jaebum wasn’t having any of it, he just shook his head no, making you whine in protest.

Deciding to distract you, he grabbed your hand and placed it on top of his clothed cock.

“Can you feel that? How fucking hard you make me? Just seeing you this needy to cum, fuck baby, its so hot”

“Jae that isn’t helping”

“Oh well” he smiled at you momentarily, the purest smile one could imagine, before you rubbed him over his jeans making him throw his head back and moan.

At this point, you could feel the mess that you had made on thigh, and Jaebum still had no mind of letting you finish.

“Please jae, please fuck”

“Don’t you dare cum” he said, gripping your waist and stopping you from moving at all.

After a little while, when he was sure you had calmed down, he started moving you again. He was controlling the pace, and you were happy to let him because there was no way you could think straight enough to even ride him properly. Just as you were close again, he made stopped moving you again. And again, and again. He kept doing this until you were so close to the edge that you could start crying at how frustrated you were at being denied your orgasm so many times.

“Such a good girl for me aren’t you?” he smirked at you as you tried to catch your breath when he stopped you again.

In response, you dug your nails into the skin of his neck that you had been holding onto.

“Oh hurting me isn’t going to make this any better for you baby” he said in a mockingly sweet voice.

“Please Jaebum” you managed to say, knowing fully well how needy you sounded and just how badly that got him off. He loved to see you as desperate for him as possible.

“Okay, make yourself cum” he said, completely letting go of you and leaning back.

You stared at him in surprise, you really didn't think you could move on your own.

“Come on, be a good girl and let me watch you get off just riding my thighs”

Placing your hands on his chest for support, you started moving; slowly at first, and gradually picking up pace as he kept on whispering how dirty you were for him, how it made him so hard seeing you like this.

His jeans surely had a soaked patch by now, but that didn’t help how rough they were, and it was making things even more difficult for you to get off. Sensing this, Jaebum took two fingers and slid them right along your clit. Letting you grind on his fingers instead of the rough jeans.

“Jae-“ you started to warm him that you were close when you were cut off by him suddenly putting his fingers inside you; catching you completely off guard and in the process pushing you into your impending orgasm.

You cum around his fingers, still rutting again his palms, trying to make your orgasm last as long as possible, your hands gripping his shirt tightly. He just sits there looking at you, making a mess of yourself. Saying he was hard was an understatement by now, but looking at you cumming almost made him cum in his pants.

When you were too sensitive for his hands to be on you, you lazily brought your hands down to his wrist and pushed it slightly. He complied, and slowly withdrew his fingers from you, careful to not make any sudden movements to hurt you.

Your eyes were closed, too busy catching your breath when you heard a low moan from Jaebum and your eyes shot up to his. He was looking down and following his gaze down you realised he had undone his zipper and pulled his cock out, that he was now stroking. With the same hand that had helped you with your orgasm. You had to admit that was the hottest sight you had seen, seeing Jaebum getting himself off.

And that sight itself turned you on, and you wanted to help him. You had an easy idea to do both of those things at once.

To draw his attention back to you, you slowly rolled your hips on his thighs once again, and his eyes were quickly back on yours. You smiled at him, and leaned in to kiss him.

“So hard for me baby” you said, still grinding steadily on him, the oversensitivity long forgotten. You placed your head near his ears and continued, “You look so hot like this, Jae”. You let one of your thumb swipe over the head of cock, collecting all the pre-cum that was leaking from his cock.

“Making such a mess for me” you said, leaning back and putting that thumb in your mouth, sucking and licking it as you would to his cock.

Jaebum whimpered at this, and it made your inside twist. You wanted to hear that noise over and over again.

You rolled your hips faster on him, noticing his hand picking up pace too.

Your orgasm was approaching fast, owing to how sensitive you were and you did want to finish until you saw Jaebum finishing first.

“Jaebum, I can’t cum unless I get to see you cum first baby”

He was a mess, hearing you talk to him like this was a first, but it turned him on beyond belief and as soon as you said those words, he was done for. With one last stroke of his hand, he was cumming all over his shirt, moaning your name and writhing beneath you.

It was a sight to behold really, Jaebum’s face contouring in pleasure, his voice thick with need. It propelled you towards your own orgasm, your eyes seeing stars as you shut them tightly. To say that you were both a wreck, you more so than him, would be pretty accurate. Either of you could really move, just holding each other until your breathing returned to normal.

That’s when Jaebum reached towards the tissues kept in the dashboard of the car, and wiped both of you clean. Once he was done, he carefully lifted you up and you plopped down on the passenger seat. When Jaebum tried to pull away from you, you just whined and held onto his neck tighter. You weren't ready to have him leave just yet.

He chuckled at you before saying “Let’s get you home baby, you can cuddle with me there”

3K notes · View notes

admirablemushroom · 4 years

Text

chat with a stranger

[7:43 PM] ttd29: Tell me more about him [7:43 PM] ttd29: What is it that you like so much about this guy who doesnt respond to your needs? [7:43 PM] Theodore: ok so we met by playing dota2 together [7:44 PM] Theodore: he was a very nice guy who didn't scold me for feeding the enemies [7:44 PM] ttd29: Ok great start

[7:44 PM] Theodore: so for some reason i asked him his fb and we started to become friends [7:45 PM] Theodore: at the time i was dating a girl [7:45 PM] Theodore: i sent a few memes to him [7:45 PM] Theodore: u know, from r/suddenlygay, etc [7:46 PM] ttd29: Wait you’re bi? [7:46 PM] Theodore: you can say so... [7:46 PM] ttd29: Lol interesting [7:46 PM] ttd29: Anyway go on [7:47 PM] Theodore: i usually go by being gay in order to avoid surprise moments like this [7:47 PM] Theodore: anyway [7:47 PM] Theodore: we got closer and closer [7:48 PM] Theodore: i even asked him how to kiss a girl before i got that girl [7:48 PM] Theodore: then one day he was comfortable enof to admit that he's bi [7:49 PM] Theodore: and i eventually dumped my ex-gf bc i was an asshole [7:50 PM] Theodore: in my defense i felt tired to fake my masculinity [7:50 PM] ttd29: No need to defend yourself [7:50 PM] ttd29: At least you didnt cheat [7:50 PM] Theodore: then a few days later i met him in a coffee shop [7:50 PM] Theodore: that was our first meeting [7:51 PM] Theodore: and we started hanging out more often [7:51 PM] Theodore: after 2 meetings, we became boyfriends [7:53 PM] Theodore: ok after this point there was no major event [7:53 PM] Theodore: he also gave me a book 'call me by ur name' [7:53 PM] ttd29: How long did you guys date? [7:54 PM] Theodore: in the book, he signed "you're the best thing that ever happened to me" [7:54 PM] Theodore: the book has been given away to one of my friends [7:55 PM] Theodore: i can go on about how disgusting that book is but maybe another time [7:55 PM] Theodore: (not his fault, Andre aciman's fault) [7:55 PM] Theodore: then i took a 6-month exchange study [7:55 PM] Theodore: so we maintained our communication online [7:56 PM] Theodore: after getting back to vn, we went out together again [7:56 PM] Theodore: then we had arguments about this and that, i remember i was a pretty rude guy and i raised my tone a lot of times.... [7:57 PM] Theodore: must've been tiring for him to go thru all that [7:58 PM] Theodore: at the peak of the conflict, one day we were arguing about something i dont remember but pretty sure i started first [7:58 PM] Theodore: he left in the middle of the convo to play video games [7:58 PM] Theodore: which i was very angry and sad [7:59 PM] Theodore: but he also quit the match to talk to me [7:59 PM] Theodore: and u know, i was not a considerate person, i usually started a fight and made a fuss about anything [8:00 PM] Theodore: and when im stressed, i write a lot [8:00 PM] Theodore: and when i write a lot, whoever read it gets stressed too [8:01 PM] Theodore: ok i see u went offline lol, prolly u got stressed too [8:02 PM] ttd29: Lol relax [8:03 PM] ttd29: I just took a shower [8:04 PM] ttd29: And then after that what happened? [8:05 PM] Theodore: wait me, i need to finish the monstrosity i cooked [8:06 PM] ttd29: =))))) [8:06 PM] ttd29: Oke [8:20 PM] Theodore: ok so at one point i just straight up told him dont talk to me anymore [8:20 PM] Theodore: which i very regret til this day [8:21 PM] Theodore: after that text, he never answered me again [8:21 PM] Theodore: he didn't respond to anything [8:21 PM] Theodore: basically he ghosted me [8:21 PM] ttd29: For a year??? [8:22 PM] Theodore: yes [8:22 PM] Theodore: i had been through a lot of confusion, anger, self hate, regret, depression, you name it [8:22 PM] ttd29: And he never talked to you again until now? [8:23 PM] Theodore: i kept messaging him for months, until July last year i told him this would be my last text (it wasn't), which he also didnt read [8:24 PM] Theodore: and a few days ago my depression hit me so bad i had to bring up that shit again [8:24 PM] Theodore: this time i talked with a mutual friend of us [8:25 PM] Theodore: along the lines i told my fren that 'the only reason i haven't commit suicide is because my mom would be sad if i did' [8:25 PM] Theodore: my fren told my ex that i wanted to commit suicide... [8:25 PM] Theodore: -.- [8:25 PM] ttd29: Quào [8:25 PM] ttd29: Okay [8:26 PM] ttd29: Great friend [8:26 PM] ttd29: =)) [8:26 PM] ttd29: After that then what happened [8:27 PM] Theodore: anyway, i also sent him a few words that said 'i dont understand how things went wrong but im sure whatever my mistakes are, i am not deserved to be ghosted for a year like this' [8:27 PM] Theodore: after i filed a request to delete my fb account [8:27 PM] Theodore: so i told my fren find some way to make him read my last message before the account got deleted completely [8:28 PM] Theodore: actually he completed what i asked him to do, but the way he did it was a bit questionable wasn't it [8:28 PM] Theodore: in some way, he distorted what i said about suicide [8:29 PM] ttd29: Yeah that was totally not cool [8:29 PM] Theodore: anyway, my ex sent me an email to apologize bc i blocked him on all media [8:29 PM] Theodore: before i received the email, i felt like i was reborn [8:30 PM] Theodore: that i could finally give up the past and move on to the new chapter [8:30 PM] Theodore: but then... the email =.= [8:30 PM] Theodore: i just wanted him to read, i didn't want an answer anymore [8:30 PM] Theodore: it is too late for an answer [8:31 PM] Theodore: anyway i got stressed again and my emails sent to him got longer and longer [8:32 PM] Theodore: he eventually responded that he was super tired with this way of talking of mine and that's one of the reasons he gave up the relationship [8:32 PM] Theodore: i guess he had a point, i sometimes feel like im overdramatic about things [8:32 PM] Theodore: and yes when im stressed i'd write a lot and talk a lot [8:32 PM] ttd29: Yeah well [8:33 PM] ttd29: Now where are you guys? [8:33 PM] ttd29: Still exchanging emails? [8:33 PM] Theodore: so fast forward a few emails, i got friendlier and finally connected to him on discord [8:34 PM] Theodore: i dont really use discord but im not ready to reconnect with him on any other platform [8:34 PM] Theodore: so this is the choice [8:35 PM] ttd29: And you guys are talking normally now? [8:35 PM] Theodore: i guess??? idk, i dont feel that way [8:35 PM] Theodore: but, as i said, his mom is going thru cancer treatment [8:35 PM] Theodore: so he must be very busy and, in his words, he did not have the mental capacity for this [8:36 PM] Theodore: so yeah, although i really want to get back, i still feel like im chasing him [8:36 PM] ttd29: Okay got it [8:37 PM] Theodore: id been already texting to a ghost for almost a year, now i still have to try to get his attention [8:37 PM] Theodore: but [8:37 PM] Theodore: i cant blame him because who knows what his situation right now [8:37 PM] ttd29: Was about to ask why do you want to get back together but realize that’s a redundant question lol [8:38 PM] Theodore: here [8:38 PM] Theodore: also cuz he's cute so it's not that easy :frowning: [8:38 PM] ttd29: =))) [8:38 PM] ttd29: Lol [8:39 PM] ttd29: Cute guys are abundant out there waiting for you [8:39 PM] ttd29: Anyway [8:39 PM] Theodore: just enjoy my awkward humor amidst a stressful story [8:39 PM] ttd29: I kind of understand what you’re going through [8:39 PM] ttd29: Enough to know that you wont be rational right now lol [8:39 PM] Theodore: ... [8:39 PM] Theodore: thats disappointing [8:40 PM] ttd29: If i tell you he’s not the right guy for you, would you suddenly stop wanting him? [8:40 PM] ttd29: I don’t think so [8:41 PM] Theodore: that's what u think [8:41 PM] Theodore: this afternoon u said something that was quite impressing [8:41 PM] Theodore: but now it's not cuz i forgot [8:41 PM] ttd29: :slight_smile: [8:41 PM] ttd29: I said [8:41 PM] ttd29: It’s okay to miss someone [8:42 PM] Theodore: here [8:42 PM] ttd29: But you need to be rational enough to know whether they are good for you [8:42 PM] ttd29: That’s the more important part of the equation [8:43 PM] Theodore: it's so pity to give up such a beautiful story like that, i literally could turn it into a wattpad series which makes fangirls cry out every night [8:43 PM] Theodore: what we had together was so romantic and any relationship which came after was incomparable [8:44 PM] ttd29: This right here my fren [8:44 PM] ttd29: Is why every relationship comes after are not comparable [8:45 PM] ttd29: You havent fully dealt with your shit yet so everyone else are just rebounds [8:45 PM] ttd29: You think they would cure you, but you need to cure yourself first [8:45 PM] Theodore: i never found any friends that were so compatible with me like him, let alone a lover [8:46 PM] Theodore: for real, if i had great friends, i could have just turned to my friends and never given a shit about him [8:46 PM] Theodore: but i've always been a lonely person [8:47 PM] ttd29: Do you ever think [8:47 PM] ttd29: You’re so consumed by your pain, that you’re not letting your friends in? [8:47 PM] Theodore: ive been always like this since kindergarten [8:48 PM] ttd29: Like what? [8:48 PM] Theodore: alone [8:49 PM] ttd29: Lol it’s all connected together now [8:50 PM] ttd29: You’re always alone. So once you found someone who cares, you put wayyy too much pressure on that person to care for you [8:50 PM] Theodore: wow [8:50 PM] ttd29: So they cracked [8:51 PM] ttd29: Yeah [8:51 PM] ttd29: At least that’s the vibe I got from our conversations [8:52 PM] ttd29: And then you never really let anyone in to care for you after that person left. [8:52 PM] ttd29: I’m sure your friends really care about you. But you don’t tell them how they can help you so they must be frustrated as well [8:52 PM] ttd29: Hence the suicidal distortion thingy [8:53 PM] ttd29: Maybe they were concerned and wanted to help, but didnt know how to [8:54 PM] Theodore: hmmm [8:54 PM] Theodore: w8 me, im on a phone call w mum [8:54 PM] Theodore: brb [8:54 PM] ttd29: Oke [9:12 PM] Theodore: you are right about the whole thing [9:12 PM] Theodore: i wouldn't say i didn't let anyone care me after he left [9:13 PM] Theodore: it's just hard for me to connect with someone on that deep level [9:13 PM] Theodore: i used to be quite clingy around friends who i found compatible with me [9:14 PM] Theodore: but at the end of the day, i think it's important to know that they also have their own lives [9:14 PM] Theodore: so i dont really have friends anymore, cuz i feel like im bothering them [9:15 PM] ttd29: What is this deep level that you were able to connect with the guy? [9:15 PM] Theodore: yeah i have best friends here and there but i dont find myself comfortable as i was with my ex [9:17 PM] Theodore: he's both a best friend and a lover; we shared a lot of hobbies and favorite topics, ... and also i felt like he would always be there to lend me an ear, unlike a normal friend [9:17 PM] Theodore: which has been proved to be incorrect lol [9:17 PM] ttd29: Sounds like you need a hug lol [9:18 PM] Theodore: i really appreciate that u are staying here to listen to me [9:18 PM] Theodore: and u gave some very interesting insights that no one else did [9:18 PM] Theodore: prolly becuz they didn't care enof, or they just wanted to quickly conclude my problems so they could go to sleep [9:19 PM] ttd29: Haha i’m flattered [9:19 PM] ttd29: Idk you just sound like you really need to talk this out [9:20 PM] Theodore: and now that we're connected on discord, i kept getting mixed signals from him [9:20 PM] ttd29: I believe being able to talk about our problems always help [9:20 PM] Theodore: i'm a bit obsessed to discord recently and i found myself waiting for a dm from him [9:20 PM] Theodore: :neutral_face: [9:21 PM] ttd29: You know what your problem is? [9:21 PM] Theodore: i dont want to... you know... after all the shit ive been thru, i now have to continue waiting for him [9:21 PM] ttd29: You never really get a full closure from him [9:22 PM] ttd29: I mean he just ghosted you out of the blue. Then he only came back and apologized when he thought you were going to committ suicide [9:22 PM] Theodore: yes, please continue [9:22 PM] ttd29: You never got a sincere apology [9:23 PM] Theodore: you are right... [9:23 PM] ttd29: That’s why you’re so hung up [9:23 PM] ttd29: And you got your own problems to fix to [9:23 PM] ttd29: Starting from your “clinginess” [9:24 PM] ttd29: He’s not going to fix that problem for you [9:24 PM] ttd29: And if you guys got back together, you will eventually break up again, because the root of the problem was never resolved [9:24 PM] Theodore: you are right [9:25 PM] ttd29: I don’t want to tell you what to do. But you surely deserve an in-person, sincere apology from him, for leaving you in the worst way possible [9:26 PM] Theodore: i suppose [9:26 PM] Theodore: but he's in an emotional distress, so i cant really blame him, or expect anything from him [9:26 PM] Theodore: im thinking about ending this come-back plan from my side [9:27 PM] Theodore: i think he wont give a shit lol, because he also said we would still break up if none of us changed [9:28 PM] ttd29: Yeah so if he is aware of that [9:28 PM] Theodore: i really thought i had improved myself as a person after all the regret, but now that we found out that i still have a tendency to cling to people i care about and that makes them suffocated [9:28 PM] ttd29: And if he really did love you and respect you enough, he would understand you need this, Theodore. [9:29 PM] ttd29: This is your problem that you need to work on improving [9:29 PM] Theodore: need what? an apology? [9:29 PM] ttd29: Yes [9:29 PM] ttd29: A sincere apology [9:29 PM] ttd29: Not an “i only apologize because i think you’re going to commit suicide” [9:30 PM] Theodore: you are right, the moment i knew that was the reason he apologized, i was shocked and disappointed [9:30 PM] Theodore: shall i keep waiting for anything from him? [9:30 PM] ttd29: Just text him that [9:31 PM] Theodore: no, i dont want to [9:31 PM] ttd29: :))) if i were there, I would snatch the phone from you and text him myself [9:31 PM] Theodore: u seem like a cool friend to be around :)) [9:31 PM] ttd29: You said he was mature enough to know it’s not a good idea to get back together [9:32 PM] ttd29: So be it [9:32 PM] ttd29: But he must admit he was wrong [9:32 PM] ttd29: Wrong to treat you like that [9:32 PM] Theodore: i also asked him for an in-person meeting but he declined becuz he's busy with his mom [9:33 PM] Theodore: i think it will take a long time for him to get over that, and by that time he will have forgotten about me probably lol [9:33 PM] ttd29: Or via text, or via email or whatever. [9:33 PM] ttd29: Get him to apologize sincerely [9:34 PM] Theodore: he did apologize me multiple times [9:34 PM] ttd29: Okay fine [9:34 PM] ttd29: If you’re think they’re sincere then they are [9:34 PM] Theodore: even on discord, one time he asked me how i was doing and i told him about my depression and he apologized [9:34 PM] ttd29: But if they are not then you should get one [9:34 PM] ttd29: Omg no that’s not sincere [9:34 PM] ttd29: :slight_smile: [9:34 PM] Theodore: ??? its not [9:35 PM] Theodore: how do i know [9:35 PM] ttd29: Why must his apology always be connected to your mental state [9:35 PM] Theodore: he's not capable of writing dancing words like me [9:35 PM] Theodore: idk?? [9:35 PM] Theodore: so it's not sincere... [9:36 PM] ttd29: A sincere apology should be when you guys are both in normal state [9:36 PM] ttd29: And you know that he’s really sorry for what he did [9:37 PM] ttd29: Not just because he thinks saying sorry would make you not depressed/want to commit suicide/etc [9:37 PM] Theodore: got it [9:37 PM] Theodore: aww fren thanks for helping me realize it [9:38 PM] Theodore: maybe i still have feelings for him and want us to be back so i did put the bar quite low for an apology [9:38 PM] ttd29: Lol I need to consider becoming a mental therapy [9:39 PM] ttd29: Yeah to be frank I don’t think getting back together is a good idea [9:39 PM] ttd29: You need to deal with your emotional baggage first [9:39 PM] Theodore: okay [9:39 PM] Theodore: so no waiting for him [9:39 PM] ttd29: Yeah!!!! [9:39 PM] ttd29: Work on yourself [9:40 PM] Theodore: ok... [9:40 PM] Theodore: haizzz... [9:40 PM] Theodore: such a beautiful story

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survivormoheli · 7 years

Text

Tribal Council #5 - One World

Welcome, everyone, to our one world tribal council where only the Ouani tribe can be voted out.

Eric, Blake, and Elliot, as this is your first tribal council, please dip your torches.

AnnMarie, how important is trust in a tribal council this big? Do you trust anyone who comes to you, or are you skeptical of everyone?

I'm open to all discussions with everybody in a tribal so large. Trust is important, but easy to maintain. To me, you are innocent until proven guilty, and unless you have lied to me, I'm open to any idea you may have. No plan is good or bad, and nobody is truly good and evil in a game like this.

Blake, you had the worst score in the challenge. Do you think this will ultimately put a target on your back? Do you think the strategy is past ‘keep the tribe strong’?

Ultimately I hope my GOD awful score doesn't put a target on my back... but hey who knows they may be thinking about the merge and be like well that kid wont be any competition for individual immunity so lets keep him around. The strategy about keeping the tribe strong I don't know if that is so relevant now bc so many people have formed relationships. But if my tribe still wants a strong team then I may be on the chopping block...

Bryan, how confident are you in the game post-one world? Do you think your position on your new tribe will be solid after all of this round’s drama?

Dani, after getting a strike in the challenge, do you think you’ll be targeted? How do you assure your fellow players that you’ll be active enough to take part in their plans?

Oh Jay... ENOUGH! Enough is ENOUGH IVE HAD IT! I feel like I’m taking CRAZY pills every time you ask me a god forsaken question... anyways. To answer your question. First of all, I didn’t understand the challenge and had no desire to understand it. Second of all, I had to volunteer all day today so I was just not for it. In other words, Yes. I AM ACTIVE ENOUGH.

Elliot, how has the tribe swap influenced game dynamics? Do you feel more solid with your new tribe or with the old? How do you think the game will have changed after this one world tribal?

The tribe swap has definitely changed the game- you get comfortable and then the tribes all swap around. While there are people I trust on both my tribe, and people I don't, for me this vote comes down to who I think has been the most genuine with me, and while that might alienate me from some people that's a risk I'm going to have to take.

Eric, congratulations on attending your first tribal council this late in the game! How do you sus out where the vote is since you don’t have prior experience with tribals? How do you maximize this opportunity to send the right person home?

Thanks for the warm welcome! haha It's kind of exciting to finally be at a tribal council, especially one where I'm immune. I guess it's important to take the time to chat with others, see how they all feel and take the time to understand what's truly going on. This is a very unique opportunity since everybody on the game is here to vote and it can create a unique voting trend.

Andreas, how much do you think old tribal lines and old alliances will influence this vote?

This vote is all about old tribal lines and old alliances. So I think, this will influence the vote for 100%.

JG, there’s no way for a majority alliance to have existed since tribes are currently smaller than the number needed for a majority, so how do votes get determined in a one world tribal? Is there a cohesive voting block, or will it be a heavily split vote?

Honestly, we won't know until tribal. There are so many strong players who want to still be here the next round and with so few people to be voted its gonna make for a interesting tribal .... I also think this has the potential to shake up any pre-existing shiz. .... oh and hi lynn

Lynn, after the drama between you and JG last round, do you think that animosity will come to a head as you’re one of the people who could potentially be eliminated?

Um the animosity is most definitely coming to a head. I mean even now everyone can obviously see JG doesn’t know how to keep my name from out of his messages to the gc so far. there’s no way you can stop people from believing what they want and JG is obviously coming after me so we’ll see what happens.

Phoenix, what do you think of Tara’s decision to make one world happen?

I mean, I know she was in a rush and people wanted it to happen, so it happened. I don't blame her or anything haha

Raffy, as the numbers dwindle down, how do you set yourself up to be in a good position for the merge?

You be social and hope to god people are being truthful. I want to trust people, but this is Survivor. Trust only goes as far as the things backing up that trust. When people vote together, you trust them. However, things can shift dramatically within the span of one tribal. I don't know how to set myself up for merge, but I pray to god that I am doing all that I can

Richie, my question to you is as simple as it is classic: what will you be basing your vote on tonight?

what will i be basing my vote on tonight???? well i'm safe and so is everyone on our tribe so my stake in this vote is hopefully going to make a proactive move that will help make the next vote i'm not safe at a little bit more manageable?????????

Tara, let us in on the logic behind putting the one world tribal in place. Do you think this will help you seem MORE or LESS trustworthy long term?

umm i honestly was just like walking down a rly busy corridor and i was stressing bcos i had to answer quick bcos i had already kept ppl waiting like 20 minutes so i asked in the tribe chat what ppl wanted n ya here we are. umm i honestly don't know what ppl will think of this! i hope they take the time to make new friends and have fun and not stress too much.

Tim, on a scale of 1-10, how rat-like/snake-like is this game? Do you feel you’re playing with trustworthy people, or are you constantly watching your back?

On a scale of one to 10 I'd have to rate the game as of now as a 6. There ARE snakes somewhere because they are inevitable. However, there are different types. You have your garden snake, small and sneaky but common and mostly harmless when they bite. Your Phythons, the big bad snakes who think they're running the show but their fangs hold no venom. They are only deadly one you've came within their ever so "trusting" grip, but from a distance, they are spottable if you know what you are looking for. Finally you have your Black Mambas. NOW these snakes... are deadly asf. You may not even see them coming but once they bite your life in the game is up. I'd advise that you stay as far away as possible from this breed but their camoflage leaves you unable to know who or where they are.

I feel as though everyone is trustworthy but the extent at which they are varies depending on the context of the situation as well as your previous trust.

I’ll read the votes.

First Vote: Bryan

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Second Vote: Blake

you did not speak to me. you tried to do something way beyond your ability. you were messy. good bye.

Third Vote: Bryan:

Under his eye

Fourth Vote: Blake

That’s two votes Bryan, two votes Blake, 10 votes left.

Fifth Vote: Bryan

Out! OUT! GET OUT!

Sixth Vote: Blake

sorry I have to stick to my guns ....

That’s three votes Bryan, three votes Blake, 8 votes left.

Seventh Vote: Bryan

in tears uh, hey everyone… karma got its kiss for me! puckers lips uh i cant go to JONATHAN’S right now because i got a…. a ticket because apparently you’resupposedtopulloverforanemergencyvehicle and i didn’t know laughs listen, my life is extremely going downhill cause im getting acne, and im getting fat and im blading right here if you cant see the whole triangle there like a piece of hair, im balding IM BALDING i’m turning ugly and my face is going to be fat for the rest of the day and i cant even SHOWER BEFORE WORK because im not going to be home on time! and that fat ass indiana cries the fat ass indiana cop…. gave me a ticket…. and he’s like “do you know about this law?” i didn’t so i said “no”… because i didnt talking through tears and it’s so much money and i only have FOURTY SEVEN DOLLARS and im not even supposed to go under fifty and im going to get fined by my bank

try not to hold-

SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!! im going to get fined by my bank for having under fifty dollars ♫ and i already owe my parents four hundred something dollars and i owe my friend’s mom eighty and i cant get a job now but everything’s fine cough and im oKAY and my parents are really mad at me and my life is going downhiiiill ♫ so if anyone wants to be like a nice person laughs through tears and give me money to pay for this fucking ticket because i dont have it inhales i’mgoingtoleavemypaypal link but like winks thats me winking BUT MY EYES ARE TOO SWOLLEN TO WINK cries and i called to see if i could serve jail time instead of paying but no one answered so i left a voicemail asking if it were an option for me to serve jail time instead of paying inhales you’re going to get arrested for that they’re going to be like this dumbest bitch then they’re going to arrest you crying isn’t that the point that’s what he wants and my friends are laughing while i’m having an emotional breakdown crying SHOW ME SUPPOOOOOOORT crying laughing screams into pillow

Eighth Vote: Bryan

it's hard to not take an opportunity like this to vote out a very strong and experienced player. I wish you the best!

Ninth Vote: Bryan

It sucks that you have to go home but sometimes it be like that

Tenth vote, and the next person voted out of Survivor Athena Moheli: Bryan

Lol sorry bud

The remaining votes were also for Bryan.

Eleventh Vote: Bryan

You're a really nice dude, it just has to be done

Twelfth Vote: Bryan

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thirteenth Vote: Bryan

Fourteenth vote:

Bryan, you will have a few moments to send any last words before everyone is removed from this chat.

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berkleydrive · 8 years

Photo

What to wear if...

You get a wake up call from four of GOT7's members.

(Chapter 10: House Party Caller | Love Inside | a GOT7 fanfiction)

"Yoboseo?" [Hello?] I groggily answer my phone without taking off my eye mask. I don't even care who the caller is, I just want to go back to sleep. It's 9AM on a Sunday. I really don't understand why anyone would call me at this hour.

"Good morning! Are you busy today?" The caller says, their thick American accent slightly waking my senses.

"Hmmm... What?" I moan while turning in my bed. "Who is this?"

"Is she seriously still sleeping?!" Says another voice in the background. I can hear scratches, like someone's grabbing the phone from the caller. I finally decide to take off my mask and check the ID. Mark Tuan.

"Hello?" He says. Wait that's not Mark's voice.

"Hello? Mark?"

"No, it's Jackson. Are you awake now?" He says, scruffy voice tickling my ear.

"Not really. Wae? [Why?]"

"We're on the way to your place right now,"

"What?!" I gasp, bolting upright in the most unglamorous way. Since the last Real GOT7 shoot, Mina and I have gotten closer to the crew and the boys that we were asked to come to all the remaining shoots. Mark and I have been messaging each other a lot—practically every day when he's not busy. The three guys have visited me at home at least twice this month already and it's only the middle of November. I really shouldn't be surprised that they've decided to come over today, but this early and even in this cold weather? Really?

"Because we're bored and we don't know where to go today," Jackson tells me, his American English making him sound like the world's biggest brat.

"UGH. Fine, who's with you?" I ask, finally getting out of bed and heading to my dressing room to change into something decent.

"It's a surprise!" Jackson answers as I struggle to strip off my pajamas.

"Oh my god, can you please just tell me?!" I toss my clothes to the hamper in the corner of the room and hurriedly open the drawers of my white distressed dresser.

"I'll give you a hint. Hyung, say hello," Jackson says, his voice growing fainter.

"Eh? Uh, Hellooo—" Another voice pipes in. Shit. That's definitely JB. I hope Mina's not busy today.

"Do you know who that is?" Jackson again.

"I think I do," I answer while taking out a pair of denim cutoffs and an oversized pink knit sweater from my closet. "Isn't that JB?"

"Ugh, you're no fun. We brought you breakfast so don't bother cooking, okay? See you in like... 30 minutes?" Jackson says, making me panic as I stand in my bathroom. I mutter a quick goodbye before running downstairs in my underwear to get the coffee started, and then running upstairs again to take a shower.

The doorbell rings exactly 30 minutes after the call which doesn't really shock me knowing how much Jackson hates being late. I glance at the mirror by the door. My hair is still wet but at least I managed to slap on toner, essence, eye cream, moisturizer, and a tiny bit of tint on my cheeks and lips. I look through the peep hole and true enough I see GOT7's leader standing with the foreign members on my doorstep.

"Hey!" I say, opening the door for everyone with a smile. As usual, Mark is the first to come in, giving me a big hug after taking off his shoes. He then sticks his nose up in the air to take a sniff.

"Oh my goodness, coffee! Yes!" He saunters to the kitchen without looking back.

Jackson comes in after him carrying a huge ass paperbag. "Oh, you smell good! Good job for someone who just woke up!" He winks at me after a quick hug.

"Noona, I hope we didn't catch you at a bad time," says JB politely in Korean before giving me an uneasy half-hug. I feel my cheeks heat up a bit at the unusual close contact because JB and I have never been this close to each other. We've had brief conversations during shoots though, which makes it easy to talk to him at this point.

"Ani, ani, [No, no,] you're always welcome here!" I answer, smiling warmly at him. His smile is so nice, I wish I could frame it and give it to Mina that instant.

BamBam closes the door and stands beside JB, his off duty model look distracting me momentarily. "Awww, you look so pretty today!" He comments, hugging me tight. I tell him he looks prettier in his black sweater, black skinny jeans, pink jacket and pink socks. I offer to hang their coats for them upstairs, and tell them to make themselves at home—something I really don't have to say anymore but which JB seems to appreciate.

The dining table is all set by the time I got back. There's a stack of pancakes on my plate along with some eggs benedict, and bacon. Mark took the liberty of pouring coffee for me and BamBam. JB and Jackson have somehow produced green tea. We all eat in peace, a few chit chats peppering our breakfast table.

Me gustas tu, me gustas tu, stu stu ru ru...

"That's your ring tone?" Jackson asks, clearly surprised when a call came in.

"What?! I like GFriend," I respond before picking my phone up. "Yoboseo?" [Hello?] I see BamBam smiling again the moment I transform into my Korean alter-ego. He seems to find it too cute to handle.

"Omo omo omo omo omo, are they really there? Is JB there?" Kang Mina is ecstatic as heck.

"Ne, [Yes,] we're having breakfast right now. You're coming over, right?" Everyone around me seems interested to know who the other guest is. I put my phone down as soon as I wrap things up with Mina, who's reportedly dashing to the bathroom as we speak.

"Hey, give me your phone," Jackson orders. I hand it to him, curious as to what he's planning to do.

"Is that Mina-ssi?" JB asks, momentarily taking my focus away from Jackson. I nod and tell him she's coming over too since she's not busy today. I yabber more about her, how she likes really spicy ramyeon, and how she compliments my outfit every day.

"That's why I always try to dress nicely. I want to know what she thinks because she's really good at making observations." I explain in Korean so JB would know how daebak my friend is. It's great to know that he's interested in her, enough to listen to me talk about her quirks.

"Okay, done!" Jackson announces in English before giving me my phone back. "Now I'm calling you!" He then adds in Korean. I swear this table talk is messing with my bilingual brain. My phone starts to light up and we all hear cute holiday tones coming out of it followed by Jackson's low rapping. I look at the caller ID only to find that he not only changed my ringtone, he also took a selfie of him doing a finger heart and made it his contact photo.

"This is so cute!" I squeal, slightly blushing. I wasn't a fan of GOT7 before joining JYPE and I sure as heck don't have a bias list but it's hard to maintain that when you get to see what kind of people they are off cam. "Thank you, this is pretty spiffy," I tell Jackson, my warm smile spreading like melted butter across my face. I really mean it. I like GFriend a lot but it's adorable that Jackson personally made it a mission to remind me that they're my actual friends. He's totally staying on my bias list.

"Ah pali, pali, [quick, quick,] I need to take your caller ID photos too!" I say, standing to take Mark and BamBam's photos. "Oh, JB-ssi, I don't have your number yet." I hand him my phone nervously. He thinks about it for a second, making me regret asking him in the first place. What the heck was I thinking anyway?! The rest of the boys are eyeing us curiously while eating. JB then smiles at me, takes my phone, and types his number in. He even takes a selfie and saves it in his own contact profile. Jaebum Im.

He typed his name in Romanized form, just like everyone else in my contacts list. I am instantly impressed by his eye for detail because he seems to understand the way with which I organize my phone. Even my brother is listed in my address book as Hope Kangjeon. The only people who are listed differently are my parents (because if something were to happen to me, the first two things people would search on my phone are 'Mom' and 'Dad').

"Ah, it's so weird seeing JB hyung taking a selca," BamBam comments. We can't help but laugh at JB's bashful smile.

"So what do you guys want to do today?" I ask.

"Chill?" says Mark.

"We could go shopping?" BamBam suggests, eyes egging me to say yes.

"Ani, [No,] let's not go out today. It's too cold I think it's better to stay indoors." We all look at JB, me most especially. He's not smiling anymore, but he's gazing at me with a resolute look on his face. Somehow, I get the feeling that he wants to talk to me about something important, which is why he came and why he wants to stay.

"Ah, maja!" [Yes, you're right!] My answer makes the other three members turn to me with surprised looks on their faces. "Why don't you guys just watch a movie or play games, and I'll cook fried chicken for you!" They seem to like the idea.

As we start to clean up, Mark and Jackson volunteers to tour JB around my apartment. They promise not to touch anything in my closet this time. BamBam stays behind to help me wash the dishes. "I didn't know you were such a neat freak," I say as I watch BamBam scrub each plate twice.

"I just got used to it," He answers, reminding me that his family owns a restaurant chain in Thailand. He must've been used to cleaning up well. "You're the neat freak one, your apartment smells so nice all the time."

I laugh and show him one of the tiny bottles filled with vanilla scented incense sticks that I always keep near the window sills. "It's because I have these around the house near the windows and the vents. My mom taught me that." I yabber on as I put the bottle back to its original place. "When I come home from work, the scent reminds me of how far I've come since graduation and it feels really good."

I tell him more about my first year in Korea; How I didn't have a job, I couldn't speak the language well, and the only piece of furniture in my apartment was my bed. The most I allowed my mom to do for me was to help me find a place to stay and open a bank account. I refused when she begged to buy furniture for me because I told her I'd like to do it on my own, and with my own money.

"I feel the same way when my mom sends me pictures of our new house," BamBam replies. He then shows me pictures of the two-storey house he bought for his family in Bangkok and I marvel at the grandness of everything he's showing me, until we hear heavy footsteps upstairs and booming laughter.

"Yah, what are you doing?!" I scream, leaving BamBam with the dishes to run upstairs in panic. Please not my underwear again. PLEASE.

**To be continued**

#TeamGOT7 #got7 #fanfic #fan fiction #kpop #scenarios #au #bambam #jackson wang #mark tuan #im jaebum #style #kpop smut #wattpad

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