#anyways i'm going to do this it's just a question of logistics at this point but i can iron those out by jan 1 and no one can stop me

[quatregats]

Concept for a hilarious and extremely chaotic but also excellent 2024 language goal: Watch Goenkale and Pobol y Cwm simultaneously

[imaginespazzi]

Part 7: Home

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

These hands had to let it go free and this love came back to (us)

(In which with bittersweet feelings, a nostalgic writer, finally writes the end of the story)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst and Fluff

Words: 7.1K

TW: Swearing, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Hello my loves! I can't believe we've actually reached the end, who would have thought huh? I'm not sure if there will be an epilogue, mainly cause I don't know what I'd write but never say never. I don't really know how I feel about this chapter and if I've done the end I pictured justice but I really hope y'all like it anyways. There's a fair amount of creative liberty taken with WNBA logistics but please just accept it for the plot. Per usual, did I edit? Yes. Are there grammar mistakes and typos anyways? Yes. As always, let me know what you liked and disliked. And finally, to all my lovelies who have liked, reblogged, commented, sent in an ask, dm-ed me or simply just silently read this fic, I just wanna say thank you guys so, so, much, y'all have made writing every word worth it and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much I enjoyed writing it <3

August 2018

Paige swears, tonight, there are stars in the Minnesota night sky she’s never seen before in her life. The summer sky has darkened with nightfall, yet the shine of the moon and its companions make it still seem ever so bright. Or maybe, it’s just the girl lying next to Paige that makes tonight feel luminescent, sparkling with the promises of something not quite like friendship that Paige has never felt before. She’d spent the whole day with Azzi at the Minnesota State fair, trying to suppress these new butterflies in her stomach that seemed to have taken birth over their time in Latvia. Or well, maybe they’d been there from the start, but they’d really only started this dance of theirs, the one that makes Paige feel all tingly when Azzi smiles, over the course of this summer. 

“Paige it’s cold, stop hogging the blanket,” Azzi chastises, breaking Paige from a trance, as she tugs on the pink and purple blanket covering the two of them, “I knew we should have brought two of them.”

“It’s barely on me” Paige argues for the sake of arguing but she shifts anyway to allow the younger girl to pull the blanket, so clearly meant for one person, a little more towards her, “besides, it’s about sharing body heat.”

“You’re not even warm enough to share body heat,” Azzi mocks as she makes a show of tracing a finger down Paige’s arm and everything in the blonde feels like it’s been lit on fire at the touch. And she wonders if Azzi feels it too, the electricity, the sparks of this could ruin me that scatter through her veins before finding themselves setting her heart ablaze. It’s too much and Paige shakes Azzi’s hand off with a little more force than she means too. 

When Azzi sends her questioning look, she splutters through an excuse, “your hands are cold too. Can we just do the boring shit we’re here to do.”

"Stargazing is not boring,” Azzi says indignantly, opening the little stargazing booklet she’d brought with her, flicking through the pages looking for something specific. 

To be honest, sitting still in an open field and squinting at the sky trying to figure out a distant constellation isn’t really Paige’s brand of entertainment. She’s a fidgety person by nature, constantly embroiled in the urge to be moving. But Azzi had brought it up the other day, with pleading eyes and a hopeful grin and well, sometimes it felt sinful to deny Azzi of anything she wants. And that’s how they’d ended up at a campsite, not too far from the State fair, lying on the grass, heads tilted towards each other, with a single blanket shielding them from the summer breeze. 

“Okay,” Azzi says after a while, using her fingers to point out a pattern in the sky, “I think that one’s Cassiopeia.”

“If you say so,” Paige nods, not really sure what she’s supposed to be looking at. 

“Paaaaige,” Azzi whines, “focus.”

“Dude I can barely see anything, the fuck am I supposed to focus o-”

Before Paige can finish her sentence, she feels herself being pulled by the younger girl, the side of her body fitting into the crook’s of Azzi’s like a perfect puzzle piece. She looks over at the brunette, and the protest dies on the tip of her tongue, as she realises just how close Azzi is to her now, all semblance of air leaving her lungs. Paige gulps, eyes tracing every inch of her best friend’s face, stopping of their own accord at Azzi’s lips, before guiltily flashing back to meet the younger girl’s eyes which are just as focused on Paige. And it feels like there’s no force in this world right now that could make either of them look away. Except maybe the force of friends don’t do this. 

“Just focus,” Azzi breaks contact first, turning her face back at the stars, before gently grabbing hold of Paige’s hand so she can guide it in the pattern of the constellation. And Paige still doesn’t really see it, doesn’t even particularly care about seeing it, but if it gets Azzi to hold her hand, soft skin putting light pressure against her palm, she thinks she’ll try to see some random lines in the sky forever. 

“It’s pretty.”

“You don’t see it do you?”

“Nope,” Paige’s grin widens when Azzi chuckles, shaking her head fondly. Something in her blooms, delighted at being the reason for that. And she’s always prided herself in being funny, she thinks of herself as a little bit of a comedian really, but she’s never wanted to make anyone laugh quite as much as she wants to make Azzi laugh. 

“Well that’s enough stargazing for us then,” Azzi rolls her eyes, closing her little booklet and making a move to sit up but Paige is quicker, pulling the younger girl back down and interlocking their fingers. Her own overeagerness causes a tinge of embarrassment to race up her cheeks, and she hopes it’s dark enough that Azzi won’t see the pale pink blush taking over her face. 

“It’s peaceful out here,” she says quietly, sounding shy even to her own ears and she can’t help but wonder when the hell that happened, “you wanna stay a little longer?”

“Yeah okay let’s stay longer,,” Azzi agrees  and sometimes when Azzi speaks like that, her voice lyrically soft with a secret smile hidden in it, Paige wonders if maybe it would be okay to hope for, to feel something more because maybe, just maybe, Azzi feels it too. 

“You know you should come to the state championship,” Paige says after a second of silence, trying to keep her voice nonchalant but she can hear the wishfulness bleeding into it anyways. 

Azzi raises an eyebrow, “isn’t that in March? That’s like months and months away.”

“Yeah but- well-” Paige shrugs, cheeks burning just a little bit, “you probably wanna book in advance cause like tickets and stuff you know?”

“You don’t even know if you’ll be in the state championship. There’s still a whole season to go.”

“Oh I know. I know we’re definitely gonna be there.” Paige smirks, cockiness back in full-fledged form. 

“Then I’ll be there,” Azzi says, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world, “you better win though Bueckers.”

“Watch me,” and she’s jutting her chest out in arrogance sure, but really everything inside her is swelling with something else, a feeling she’s starting to understand a little too well, a feeling that terrifies her, a feeling she doesn’t think she’s quite ready to let herself feel yet, “it would be nice you know, to win a championship together at some point.”

“I don’t think my parents would be on board with moving to Minnesota.”

“I’m sure I could convince them,” Paige feels a little giddy at the thought, “but I meant more like college, like UConn.”

It’s a topic they’ve stumbled upon a couple of times, with each other, and with the other girls at Team USA. And as much as Paige would love for her other teammates to follow her to her dream school, she’s practical enough to know they might have other priorities. But the thing is that with the rest of the girls, it’s just something she’d like to happen but with Azzi, now that Paige has said it out loud, she’s beginning to realise how desperately she wants that, her and Azzi, on the same team, fighting the same battles and winning the same wars, together. 

“Don’t think you can win a national championship without me Bueckers?” Azzi smirks, twisting her head towards Paige, eyebrows cocked in arrogance. 

“Of course I can,” Paige’s face softens, the vulnerability that only ever seems to come out around her best friend seeping on to her features, “but I think it would be fun to win one with you. Someday.”

“Someday, “ Azzi whispers back, giving Paige’s hand a light squeeze, and then her eyes widen at the sky, “holy shit is that a shooting star? Oh my god Paige look up, quick, it’s beautiful.”

In the dark of the night, a rare flicker of gold shoots across the obsidian Minnesota sky. Paige has never seen one before but it seems fitting really, that she’d see one tonight. 

“We have to make a wish,” she whispers and Azzi, never one to really believe, rolls her eyes but she follows Paige’s lead, closing her eyes. And the thing is Paige could wish for a lot of things really, but she finds herself thinking of only one word that sums up all she could ever want: someday.

***

August 2026 

They’ve been playing against each other for years now and yet the thrill of the face-off still hasn’t quite worn off. Back in the handful of games in high school, it had been quickfire friendly trash talk, two best friends going at it like the competitors they were. College had been drastically different, each game, each play, underlined with the tension of two people who still hadn’t quite figured it out. But Paige thinks her favourite version of them as opponents is definitely this one, the one where they might be on different teams in the WNBA, but off the court, they both know they’re on the same side, together. 

Their relationship isn’t quite a secret; it would have been impossible to hide if after the kiss at the 2025 national championship. But they’d kept as quiet about it as possible, skillfully dodging media questions, wanting to shelter it from the prying eyes of the public. It makes playing each other on national television, just that little bit more entertaining, trying to keep things as cordial as possible. If Paige’s hands end up just a little too close to Azzi’s waist, lingering a little longer than necessary against the patch of skin she’d marked with a hickey earlier this morning, and it makes the younger girl shiver, then that’s just a tactic to win. And if Azzi breathes seductive thoughts of what she’d like to do after the game when guarding Paige, and it makes the blonde want to turn around and kiss the smirk off of her girlfriend’s lips, well that’s just another innovative defensive strategy. 

“Be a good girl for me and move,” Paige whispers, the double entendre in her voice apparent, as she tries to dribble the ball past Azzi. There’s only a minute or so left in the last meeting of the regular season between Paige’s Lynx and Azzi’s Mystics -funny how that had worked out-  and the score is painfully close, with the Mystics closing in on the Lynx’s two point-lead. 

“Always a good girl for you P,” Azzi smirks, her voice the quietest it could possibly be, but Paige hears her next words like they’re on a loudspeaker in the area,  “it’s why I’m wearing your favourite purple panties.”

It takes a second, a second where Paige’s eyes gloss over with lust, as her mind rushes back to the last time she’d seen, the last time she’d touched the silky undergarment, for the ball to be stolen from her hands. She’s a step too slow to recover and by that time Azzi’s already scored the easy lay-up to tie up the game, a mischievous grin adorning her normally stoic game face. 

On the other end of the court, Napheesa draws a foul and Paige and Azzi end up next to each for free throws. Paige is seething, unsure if the heat curling up her spine is from the game or the girl standing next to her. 

“Sorry baby, all’s fair in love and war right?” Azzi teases, pinky brushing against the blonde’s, “I’ll make it up to you later if you want.”

“You’re such a fucking menace,” Paige practically growls. She does want, in fact she’d like it right now if it was possible. Two years they’ve been together, longer if you count the inbetween, and still, every time Azzi lights a match, Paige feels herself burn just as brightly as the first time she’d felt that magnetic pull. 

“Learnt from the best,” Azzi hums with a grin as Napheesa hits both free throws. 

The rest of the game passes in a blur of frenzied shots and hurried fouls but the Lynx pull out an eventual, much-needed win, to better their chances of clinching a higher seed in the playoffs. After missing the playoffs in 2024, the Lynx, despite having relatively low odds, had secured the no.1 pick and there had never really been a doubt that they would pick Paige. She’d helped the team get back to the playoffs last season but they hadn’t made it out of the first round. A championship doesn’t seem quite possible yet, but Paige has her fingers crossed that they’d at least make it to a semi-final this time. 

“The two of you are terrible at this,” Aaliyah’s the first person to hug Paige during the handshake line, “I thought you’d jump each other’s bones in the middle of the game today.”

“We’re not that bad,” Paige rolls her eyes at her former teammate. She high-fives a few more of the Mystics team until she gets to Azzi, who’s already smiling, despite the loss. The cameras are quick to crowd them, clearly wanting a more sensational picture than the one they’re likely to get. Still, despite the unwanted attention, Paige lets herself nestle into the crook of Azzi’s neck. 

“You owe me twice tonight,” she whispers into the younger girl’s ear, “one for the win and one for that bullshit you pulled on the court tonight.”

Azzi’s voice is breathless when she replies, “I can give you way more than two.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“It’s a promise.”

***

“With the new rules, after this season you’ll be a free agent, have you given any thought to that?”

Waiting for the Lynx’s turn in the media room, Paige hadn’t been paying much attention to the questions being asked to the Mystics players, her focus solely on how hot her girlfriend always looked post games. But the words ‘free agent’ pique her interest. The W had changed the rookie contract rules for first round draftees to two years and that meant both Paige and Azzi would be free agents after this year. But while it hadn’t reached the media quite yet, the Lynx were likely to use their core designation on Paige. Which meant the only one of them making any decision about next season would be Azzi. It was a subject the two of them were cautiously tip-toeing around, using the shield of distance to avoid talking about what it could mean for them. 

“I’m focused on the season, this team and the rest of our games. I’m not really thinking about the future,” Azzi answers diplomatically. 

“You’ve obviously got very strong ties to the DC area but you also went to UCLA, if the Sparks or maybe even the Valkyries, considering your connection to Steph Curry, were interested, and there have been rumours that they are, would you consider it?” the same reporter prods. 

“Again, I’m not currently thinking about any of that,” to anyone else Azzi probably sounds neutral but Paige has studied the sheet music of Azzi’s voice to the point where she knows what’s hidden behind every note, behind every little indent. The tinge of irritation is masked by a smile, but the line of questioning is clearly unappreciated. 

“And what about the Lynx?” the persistently oblivious reporter continues and this time Paige sucks in a breath, “you have some ties to that team don't you? Have you given some thought to maybe going there?”

Azzi’s eye twitches ever so slightly, “the Lynx just beat my team. The only thoughts I have right now are about how to beat them next time.”

That elicits a laugh from the media and finally the rather obtuse reporters seem to understand that he’s not going to be able to pry anything newsworthy from Azzi’s mouth. But even if he hasn’t achieved his desired effect, he’s succeeded in making Paige’s mind start running in circles. She hadn’t let herself think about it yet, the potential of Azzi joining the Lynx, the potential of playing with Azzi, the potential of finally just being with Azzi. Because facing the potential for all of that, facing all the things she wants means also facing the potential that maybe Azzi doesn’t want any of that. 

***

The air in Paige’s living room is thick with a suffocating tension as she and Azzi sit on opposite ends of the couch. It reminds Paige a little bit of the before, a dreaded version of them she’d foolishly thought they grown out of, until something reminiscent of their past problems had reared its ugly head, and suddenly it feels a bit like she’s playing a losing game. 

“Will you please stop that,” she bites out, referring to where Azzi’s foot is incessantly tapping on the wooden floors, “it’s giving me a headache.”

Azzi’s eyes narrow, flashing with irritation, “is it my tapping or the alcohol giving you a headache Paige?”

“I didn’t even drink that much,” Paige says through gritted teeth and Azzi scoffs. 

It’s a lie. After both teams were done with post game pressers, she, Azzi and a couple of the other girls had ended up at a local bar as they often did when the other team didn’t have to fly out til the next day. Paige had been tense the whole evening and trying to pretend not to be, especially when Azzi could see right through her façade, had only made the whole thing worse. She wasn’t one to drink too much, always happy just being sufficiently tipsy but then she’d gotten in her head too much. And when the first shot didn’t quite hit the way she needed it to, she’d kept on going, receiving worried looks from all the girls, until Azzi had finally stepped in. The ride back from the bar had been a sobering experience, one look at Azzi’s stoic face, giving away her irritation. 

“That’s why you still reek of tequila?” 

“How the fuck would you know? You haven’t come near me all night.” 

“Don’t you dare try and turn this on me Paige. I tried to talk to you all night til you decided you wanted to act like freshman frat boy,” Azzi spits out, hurt and anger colliding in her voice, “we barely get to spend time together during the season and the one night in forever that we do, you pull this shit?”

They haven’t had an argument like this since they’ve been officially together, the kind of argument that has them balancing on a delicate tight rope, too afraid to take a step backwards in their relationship, and too prideful to take a step forward towards each other. 

“I didn’t think you cared about spending time together during the season,” Paige accuses and there’s a sensible part of her, one that’s currently being held captive by the dangers of liquor, that knows it’s a ridiculous allegation. 

Azzi stares at her, lips opening and closing in disbelief, “excuse me?”

“It’s pretty simple really Azzi. If you wanna spend the whole season together, the option is right fucking there, but I- I can’t even tell if you’re interested in taking it,” Paige is pacing now, teeth gnawing at her lips like they always do when she’s nervous. 

“What- what are you even talking about?” Azzi asks, clearly confused. 

“Free fucking agency. They asked you about it and you said you hadn’t thought about it at all. That’s really great to hear Az, really great to know you haven’t thought about how that could literally change our whole fucking life,” and even as the words waterfall out of her mouth, Paige knows she’s being unreasonable, but the mix of stress and alcohol churning in her stomach is just enough to keep her from taking the words back. 

“I didn’t- that’s not even what I said. Jesus fucking christ Paige,” Azzi rubs her face, looking defeated.

“So you have thought about it then?”

“Of course I’ve thought about it, “ Azzi throws her hands up, “but I wasn’t gonna tell the media about all of that. But you- you seriously think I haven’t thought about what this means for us? You don’t- do you really think I’m not thinking about you- about us- while trying to make this decision?”

“Well you definitely didn’t think of me- of us- when you chose UCLA,” Paige’s eyes widen at her own words, knowing immediately that of all things she could have said, those were the worst ones, “I- I didn’t mean it like that.”

In front of her, Azzi has gone deathly still, face completely devoid of emotion, until the first tear drops and all of Paige’s anger dissipates, the guilt clawing back with full force. 

“I thought we were over that,” Azzi whispers, voice trembling, as she looks down at her hands, “but maybe we’ll never be over that.”

“We are,” Paige sinks to her knees in front of the younger girl, tugging Azzi’s hands into her own, “we are over it. I just- it just slipped out.”

Azzi’s quiet for a moment before she pulls her hands out of the blonde’s grip, sidestepping her as she stands up and Paige feels empty and cold and just a little bit broken. 

“Are you leaving?” she whispers, peering up at Azzi through tear soaked eyelashes. 

“I think I should, before anything else just slips out,” Paige flinches and Azzi’s expression softens, “I know- I know you didn’t mean it like that but I just- I need some space.”

Panic filters into Paige’s lungs, wrapping its dirty hands and squeezing so tight that she can barely breathe. She’s not sure when she’ll see Azzi again, now that there’s no more Lynx-Mystics games left in the regular season and it’s unlikely with their expected seedings that they’d meet at some point in the playoffs. It’s not like distance is new to them, but in the last two years, they’ve only ever said goodbye with an i love you attached to the end. 

“Are you-,” Paige gasps for air, “are you leaving me?”

And it must be written all over Paige's face, just how petrified she is of this moment, because that's all it takes for Azzi to rush back into Paige’s space, hands cupping her cheeks, “oh baby of course not. I just- you’re still drunk and I’m upset and I don’t want us to say anything we don’t mean. And I- need time to think about free agency and I think you- you need time to think about why that slipped out.”

Paige sighs, melting into Azzi’s touch as the knots in her stomach begin to untangle themselves, “you’re so logical.”

“Someone has to be,” a half-smile flitters across the younger girl’s face as she wipes at Paige’s tears, “we’ll figure this out okay? Just- just give me a little bit of time.”

Give me time. It’s a familiar line, so similar to what Azzi had asked for when she was making a decision about college and Paige would be lying if she said there isn’t a part of her that’s terrified fate is going to make them repeat the same mistakes. But part of growing up, Paige surmises, is letting time test you with the same trials and tribulations, and the next time, coming out of the other end on the right side. 

And so she squeezes Azzi’s hand, matching the younger girl's half smile, with a soothing one of her own, “okay.”

***

November 2027 

Paige doesn't know when she ended up in a love triangle with Azzi and the state of California but she wishes she was competing against an actual person. At least then she could throw a punch at the other guy. The W season is barely over and it seems like every front office has thrown themselves headfirst into convincing free agents to join their team. There’s a couple of teams interested in Azzi, but no one seems to be trying harder than the Los Angeles Sparks. Paige thinks whoever gave that city a name meaning “the angels” could not have been more wrong because really it’s a city full of devils constantly trying to steal her girl and no she’s not being dramatic. 

They’re supposed to be leaving for thanksgiving dinner when Azzi’s phone rings and Paige can’t help but roll her eyes when Cameron Brink’s name flashes on the CallerID. The Sparks seemed to have put her as head of their recruiting Azzi campaign and Cam had been diligently doing her part. 

“Azzi, Cam’s calling again,” Paige yells out to her girlfriend who’s still not quite finished getting ready.

“Can you pick it up?”

“Do I have to?”

“Paige,” Azzi whines and Paige sighs, hitting the green answering button. 

“The amount of times you’ve called my girlfriend this week, Brink, should I be concerned?”

“Jealous I’m replacing you as her favourite blonde?” Cam’s voice always sounds like she’s smiling and Paige can’t help her own smile. Goddamn Cameron Brink for always being the sweetest soul on this planet. 

“As if,” Paige scoffs, “it’s a holiday Cam, give the recruiting a rest.”

“Hey, I’m just calling to wish her a happy thanksgiving,” Cam defends. 

“Mmmhmm where’s my thanksgiving wish?”

“Oh please, the two of you are basically a unit. Wishing her is wishing you,” Cam is quiet for a second before speaking again, “the Sparks would be a good fit for her Paige.”

Paige sucks in a sharp breath, “I’m not the one you’re gonna have to convince.”

“I know but you know your opinion means a lot to her. I know you want her in Minnesota and she'd be good there too and I- I know it isn’t my place to say any of this but just- just don’t discourage her from doing what’s best for her,” there’s not a hint of malice in Cam’s words, there never is, but they pierce at Paige’s skin anyways. 

“Okay I’m ready, hand me the phone,” she’s saved from having to answer by Azzi waltzing into the living room and prying the phone from her hands. 

Paige watches silently as Azzi talks animatedly with Cam, noticing the way her girlfriend’s smile widens while talking about certain spots in L.A. They’d subconsciously decided not to breach the subject of free agency after that night. Paige hadn’t interfered in any of the Lynx’s conversations with Azzi, deciding that this time, she’d stay out of it. It hadn’t been easy, every little bit of her itching to pitch why the Lynx were the perfect fit, why Paige was the perfect fit, but she was determined to give Azzi the space -the time- she’d wanted. This time she’d leave the choice solely up to Azzi and whatever she decided, Paige would find her happiness in that. 

“Paige you ready to go,” Azzi waves a hand in front of Paige’s face, eyebrows raised in question when the older girl doesn’t make a move to get off the sofa, “hey, you good?”

“Cam says the Sparks would be a good fit,” Azzi stiffens at Paige’s words. 

“Paige-”

“She’s right,” Paige concedes, fingers fidgeting as she averts Azzi’s gaze. 

The younger girl blinks at her, clearly not having expected that, “she is?”

“Yeah. They need a shooting guard and you,” Paige smiles, reaching out to pull Azzi onto the couch with her, “you’re the best there is.”

“I wouldn’t go that far-”

“You are to me and it’s why I want you on the Lynx,” they both let out a breath with that. It’s not a secret of course but Paige hasn’t said it out loud before. 

“Paige-”

“But it’s okay if you don't wanna be on the Lynx, if you wanna be on the Sparks or stay here with the Mystics or on any other team, if you think it’s the right move for you and for your career then that’s fine. It’s okay and you don’t- you don’t need my permission or anything of course but I just- whatever you decide, I’ll support it okay? What I said that night about UCLA-  it wasn't- it wasn’t about you. I thought about it like you asked me to and it’s me. I was scared that I would fuck it up again and I’d lose you again-”

“You won’t,” Azzi grabs Paige’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze,  “I won’t let you.”

“I know. I know now that whatever happens, we’ll be okay. And so you can choose whatever team you want and it won’t- it won’t affect us, I promise. It won’t be like last time I swear. When you make your decision- I just- I don’t want you to make it for me or for us, cause you and me? Baby we’ll be just fine no matter what. Wherever you go and wherever I am, we’ll make it work, just as we have for the last two years,” Paige smirks, “besides I kinda enjoy kicking your ass.”

Azzi lets out a snort as she climbs onto Paige’s lap, thighs straddling her hips, “you really had to ruin it with that last part huh?”

“Was getting a little too sappy for me,” Paige mumbles and when she looks up, the emotions floating in Azzi’s eyes make Paige’s heart stutter. Because no one else gets this Azzi. This Azzi, who wears her heart on her sleeve, who lets her walls down, only for Paige’s eyes to see, only for Paige’s mind to memorise, only for Paige’s heart to keep. 

“You mean it?” Azzi whispers, brushing a strand of hair out of Paige’s face, touching lingering, “you’d be okay with anything?”

“Yeah, yeah I do,” Paige cups Azzi’s cheeks, brushing her lips against the younger girl’s, “whatever you choose, we’ll be fine. No matter what, I believe in us.”

***

January 2028

Paige groans when her phone rings at 2 a.m., fumbling around in the dark trying to answer it. 

“I swear you better be dying if you’re calling me this late,” she grumbles into the phone, voice scratchy with sleep. 

“Not quite,” Azzi says, and Paige’s eyebrows furrow at the amount of background noise she can hear behind her girlfriend. 

“Dude where the hell are you at 3 in the morning?” she asks, now a little more awake as she sits up. 

“I uh- I had a bit of a revelation,” and Paige can practically picture Azzi, wherever she might be, fidgeting with her fingers and biting her lips. 

“That doesn’t explain anything.”

“I know. I know. Shit, I was supposed to do this in person. I had a whole plan but apparently being with you has made me impatient,” Azzi rambles. 

“You’re still not making any sense,” but Paige’s heart is starting to beat erratically fast in anticipation. 

“I had this realisation while I was in the gym today, it was really quiet and peaceful and I was fine you know- all day I was fine- just doing daily routines and then I just- I missed you. I miss you all the time do you know that?”

Paige does know, knows it far too well. Sometimes she thinks missing Azzi comes as naturally as breathing, an innate part of her day to day, a constant ache that she’s felt since she was 15. 

“I miss you too,” she whispers. 

“And I’ve learned to survive with that feeling, with missing you constantly. I mean it’s been more than 10 years at this point, how could I not? But what I realised today is that just because I can- just because I can live missing you- doesn’t mean I want to.”

“What are you saying Azzi?”

“DC is my childhood. My family is close to there, it’s part of where I grew up. It’ll always be my first home. And LA is where I found myself, my identity, and for a while it felt like home too.”

“Azzi,” Paige breathes out, hands gripping the phone as tight as possible, wrapping that one syllable in emblems of give me forever. 

“But my forever home isn’t in DC or LA and it’s not really in any other place either because-  Jesus this might be the clichést thing I’ve ever said but-,” Azzi lets out a chuckle, “my home is wherever you are Paige. Wherever we’re together, that’s home.”

It feels a little bit like the end of a drought, the wetness on Paige’s cheeks like the rain that comes after. In the pitch black of her room, phone clutched closely to her ear with Azzi’s words floating through it like a swan song, Paige swears she’s never felt the world glow quite like this before. 

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Beating your ass has been fun as hell but I think we’d make a pretty good team Bueckers.”

And it’s a good thing Paige’s walls are soundproof because the delighted whoop she lets out practically vibrates around the room, all previous wisps of tiredness completely gone from her body. Azzi lets out a tearful laugh and Paige wishes they were together right now so she could tattoo this happiness onto both of their skins. 

“The greatest team ever,” Paige affirms, “When are you com-”

“Attention passengers Delta Airlines Flight 1248 to Minneapolis will be boarding soon, please have your passport and ticket ready to check at the gate.”

“About that,” Azzi says shyly as Paige’s mouth drops open at the announcement, “I uh- I had a moment of spontaneity.”

“Who the hell are you and what have you done with my overthinking girlfriend?” Paige demands and Azzi giggles on the other end of line.

“I know it’s last minute, like really last minute and it was meant to be a surprise actually but I just- I really wanna see you. Is that okay?”

“Is that okay? Fuck Azzi, it’s all I want. Baby,” Paige breathes out softly, “come home.”

*** 

Time isn’t going nearly fast enough Paige thinks as she checks the arrivals board for the nth time. She’d tried for about four seconds to fall back asleep after hanging up the phone but her entire body had been buzzing with excitement. And so she’d gotten to the airport far earlier than necessary, and had maybe one too many cups of coffee if the jittery shake in her left hand is anything to go by.

She swears she feels her before she sees her. The air is electric as if the whole city, the whole state is waiting for Azzi too, for them to get their elusive forever. This moment feels like years in the making, and Paige is ready, ready to grasp it and make it hers. And then there’s Azzi, a clearly chosen-at-last minute wrinkled t-shirt, eyes drooping from the tiredness from not having slept all night, baby hairs in a frenzy across her forehead. To Paige, she’s still the prettiest girl in the entire universe. 

Azzi’s eyes scan through the airport until they land on Paige, a dazzling smile illuminating her exhausted features. It’s the exact same smile that Paige had first elicited from her on the flight back from Argentina when she’d told Azzi she had a feeling they'd make great friends. It’s her Paige smile. The world is still for a second, everything melting away except them and the whispers of the journey it had taken them to get to this point. Every delicately placed step towards each other feels like an ode to every year they’d spent apart. And then Paige is running, not caring about everyone else around her. She jumps into Azzi’s arm, all 6 feet of her, tangling her legs around the younger girl's waist while her arms fasten around the neck. It forces Azzi to let go of her small carry-on, not caring that it falls to the floor with a thud, as her hands wrap around Paige’s back, steadying her girlfriend’s weight on top of her. 

“You’re here,” Paige whispers, still a little in disbelief, “you’re really here.”

“I’ve been in Minny plenty of times before,” Azzi quips, adjusting her balance to properly hold the girl clinging to her like a koala. 

“Shut up you know what I mean. You’re here forever this time.”

“Well I don’t know about forever- OW,” Azzi shrieks, as Paige pinches her arm, “do you want me to drop you woman?”

“You’re never allowed to leave.”

“That sounds vaguely threatening.”

“Good because it definitely is a threat,” Paige says before pulling Azzi into a searing kiss, “welcome home baby.”

***

October 2028 

There are moments in life you remember forever. Sometimes you know they’re going to happen, sometimes they take you off guard and sometimes, it’s a combination of both. The Minnesota Lynx’s journey to the WNBA finals this season had always felt inevitable but the journey there, for a team that had unexpectedly fallen to the 4-seed despite pre-season clamour of them being number one, had been filled with bitter losses and moments of pure uncertainty. In a way, it perfectly mirrors Paige and Azzi’s relationship. 

There’s 11 seconds separating the Lynx from their 5th championship trophy as they lead the Sky by two points. The crowd is up on their feet, ready for their cheering to turn into roars the minute the final buzzer rings. Paige has the ball in her hands on the inbound, Coach Reeves yelling at her from the bench what to do, as she makes eye contact with Azzi. There are no words, not even a gesture that the other team might be able to interpret, but they know exactly what play they’re about to run.

Truth be told it hadn’t been the seamless transition the two of them had expected when Azzi joined the Lynx. They’d been naive to think years of not playing together wouldn’t have affected the backcourt chemistry they’d had almost instantly once upon a time. The first few games, there had been an embarrassing disconnect between the two of them that had resulted in a nasty berating from Coach Reeves and a subsequent argument between the two of them that had lasted into the next morning. It had taken several more practices, and a couple more games of flailing around, for them to finally become the duo Paige had always known they would. 

The game buzzer beeps and Paige throws the ball to Azzi who immediately returns it back to her, and then she’s running off screen after screen to get herself open on the wing, her sweet spot. Paige dribble penetrates into the paint, dragging an extra defender with her as they try to prevent her from getting a layup, the other defender blocks her from stepping back into a pull-up. Azzi’s defender has a momentary lapse in judgement, falling for the age-old trick of thinking she should help on defence, and that’s all it takes. A second for Paige to see Azzi open on the corner and pass it to her. A second for Azzi to shoot it. 

The three-pointer falls through the next with a perfect swish. Dagger shot. 

A small smile flits across Azzi’s face, the only emotion she’s shown all game and Paige can’t help the much larger grin that starts to flash on her own face. She can almost taste victory on the tip of her tongue, the two seconds left in the game are the only thing separating her from finally getting her version of the things we live for. Behind her she can hear Coach Reeves yelling at them to not foul, the 5-point lead enough of a cushion for them to withstand a last minute shot. But the Sky barely make it over midcourt and when Marina Mabrey heaves up a last second prayer, Paige doesn’t bother to see if it goes in as the buzzer sounds throughout Target Arena. The Minnesota crowd explodes in noise and colour as confetti falls from the sky. 

Despite the chaos of everything, Paige has never seen Azzi clearer than in this moment. Since she’d met the girl, in all of Paige’s prayers about winning a championship, one thing had always been constant, that when they’d come true, they’d come true with Azzi by her side. And she had been. The high school state champion, the college national championship, Azzi had been there for both but on the bleachers, as a spectator and as Paige’s biggest fan. But this, winning a championship with Azzi as her teammate, as her ally, as her partner, means something more. This win is theirs. 

“Do you remember when we saw that shooting star?” Azzi says softly, as they find their way into each other’s arms, not caring that there’s a thousand cameras capturing their every move. Paige pulls Azzi closer to her, every inch of her body pressing into the other girls until she’s not sure where she begins and where Azzi ends. 

“That was years ago,” Paige remarks but she can see it clearly, two young girls underneath the stars, unaware of what their future would be but sure that the other would be in it. Those girls would probably laugh at how long it had taken Paige and Azzi to figure out what had seemed so simple back then. 

“Yeah, yeah it was. Do you remember what you wished for?” Azzi asks, smiling when Paige nods, “do you wanna know what I wished for?”

“What did you wish for Az?”

“Before we saw the star you- you said it’d be nice to win a championship together someday. And so I-,” Azzi looks down shyly, “so I wished for someday. I wished for today.”

Paige stares at Azzi, drinking in the sincerity on the shooting guard’s face, silently letting herself absorb the meaning of Azzi’s words. And then she lets out a laugh because of course of course. 

“I didn’t realise I’d said anything funny for you to be laughing at me,” Azzi scrunches her nose, looking slightly offended. 

“God baby no,” Paige cups Azzi’s face, and she thinks this smile on her face will last forever as long as this is her reality, “I’m not laughing at you. I just- do you know what I wished for?” 

Azzi shakes her head. 

“This. The same exact thing you did. For someday.”

It’s not quite the shade of blue Paige had imagined them in, the Lynx blue its own shade, something inbetween UConn’s navy one and UCLA’s sky one. But it’s perfect nonetheless. And when Azzi crashes her lips against Paige’s, someday feels a lot like forever and always.

[markrosewater]

"I talk a lot about how different players enjoy different aspects of the game. What I talk far less about is different players struggle with different aspects. Some can’t handle excessive processing; some have issues with sequencing; some don’t understand the nuances of the rules; some aren’t good with memory..." Hi Mark, I wanted to say I sincerely appreciate the thoughtful, high effort and detailed response to my question and feedback. It really means a lot and sometimes I can't believe I'm talking to the head designer of my favorite game of all time about the specific questions and issues I have with the game. You don't have to do this and it's so amazing that you do, so thank you. I think you make an interesting and probably valid point about my proclivity to value memorizing aspects of the game and mechanics and I understand other people don't have that problem or don't care about that as much. But I think overall, in summary my larger point is for more than 25 years, typically the rule of thumb when it came to Magic the Gathering cards was the adage “Reading the card explains the card” and in just the past few years, that is no longer the case because of the need to have extremely wordy mechanics that need helper/reminder cards to function. People (myself included) often can't remember how these mechanics function, but because they are so complicated, they are constantly referring to the double sided helper token in addition the the card with oracle text and this can slow down game play and feel awkward at times. I want the Magic the Gathering cards to also be the game pieces. With every new set you continue to prove this is possible in the form of brand new mechanics but Magic still insists on making more and more of these mechanics that deviate from that adage. But I acknowledge and respect that everyone doesn't agree with me on that. Part of it is about memory and mental bandwidth, but a larger part of it is about tracking and the logistics of needing game pieces that aren't Magic cards in order to play Magic. This was also a big part of my aversion to cards that require stickers, 12 sided dice, keyword counters, helper tokens, etc. I do look forward to someday seeing some more outside of the game helper token style mechanics that are more simple like Ascend or Monarch, so I will be crossing my fingers for those. Anyways, thanks again for all you do for the community and keep up the great work!

Thank you for the dialogue.

One of the interesting things about doing this job so long is that I get some perspective on larger shifts of the game.

The conversation you and I are having matches a conversation I had with another player fifteen or so years ago. Magic was starting to dip its toe much more into counters and tokens.

The player felt like the core of Magic was the cards, and that a reliance on counters and tokens was pulling away from the essence of what they thought was the core of Magic.

Cut back another fifteen or so years before that. I had just joined Wizards and I was talking to a player at a convention. They were concerned that we’d been going up in named keywords. They felt the core of the game was based on the individual cards and that leaning on named mechanics was adding an element that distracted from the pure essence of the game.

Magic, by its nature, constantly adapts. The designers are always looking for new venues to explore, but there are always players who appreciate the game for what it has been.

That’s the balance that we’re always trying to strike. How do we keep exploring and innovating while at the same time keep true to what the game means to people? It’s challenging as those two forces can pull in very different directions.

I do hear what you’re saying, and we’re always on the look for elegance and brevity where we can find it. Sometimes though that journey requires us to explore a bit into the weeds to learn things that with time and experience we can streamline.

Again, thanks for the dialogue. I enjoy having chats like this with players.

[tathrin]

So I've been thinking about Glorfindel's horse recently, okay? (I'm listening to these delightful audio books, and just got to Rivendell.) And I am as ever caught by the inconsistency of Asfaloth's tack with Legolas's later "lol what's a saddle? get rid of that shit man, I'm an elf!" schtick in Rohan. And the question that all of that (plus Gandalf and Shadowfax of course) engenders is why the fuck wasn't Glorfindel "riding elvish style" then?

While the Doylist explanation of "Tolkien hadn't come up with that idea yet + Frodo needed to be able to both hold-onto and steer Asfaloth and he isn't an elf so he had to have a saddle" makes sense, it's obviously not satisfying from an in-universe standpoint, is it?

(And somebody made some extremely good points laying-out a very convincing logistical explanation recently, and I like it quite like a lot, and might well use that in fics myself sometime because it's splendid and seems extremely legit, and opens up some fun things to play around with re: elvish history and culture; but while it's an extremely satisfying answer in terms of Accurate World Building Detail, it's never felt entirely viscerally satisfying to me in terms of Tolkienian Style, if you follow me.)

So I posit: what if the reason why Asfaloth had Conveniently Mortal-Appropriate Tack during that section of story was for the convenience of mortals?

Specifically, the Dúnedain.

What if when the Elves of Rivendell are doing something that involves (or might potentially involve) both horses and their human allies, they put enough tack on their horses to allow one of the Rangers to be able to use that horse in a pinch? That would make sense, right? Just a simple little practical precaution!

Imagine being in a situation where you want to stick one of your human companions on your horse for some reason, or you want one of them to look after your horse for a little while you go off and do a thing, etc etc, but you can't because there aren't any reins. And now you're fucked. What a silly self-inflicted problem that could be avoided with just a little bit of planning ahead!

So, because Glorfindel knew that the Rangers would also be searching around looking for Frodo and/or evidence of the Nine, he put just enough extra tack on Asfaloth that if he, for instance, found an injured mortal in the wild, he could put them on his horse and send them back to Rivendell without him...just as a random example of a hypothetical situation that might happen.

(Anyway, that's the headcanon I'm going to be running with from here out, I think. Also I've gone and retroactively added a little scene revolving around this explanation to my Celebrimbor Fellowship AU fic, for anyone who's been interested in that story.)

*Thoughts and arguments welcome!

[captainofthetidesbreath]

I'm so fixated on the fact that, per 14: Shindig, there's no Consector on Midst. There isn't a Prime Consector anymore, but there's still regular Consectors? What do you MEAN they sent a unit of the Company—a company of Company, if you will—without a commanding officer? No wonder the soldiers on Midst aren't really sure what they're doing and are milling around uncertainly and aimlessly. Just absolutely dreadful logistics, thoroughly horrific maintenance of the chain of command.

My personal (joking?) solution to all power vacuums and empty positions of authority, for many reasons, is that Spahr should be put in charge. I was musing after Shindig to some folks elsewhere that, even as a true joke, this didn't seem like a super viable pitch on account of location, location, location, but after the way the Vault plan landed in 15: Breach... I do wonder if the Breach (and Spahr) will have to flee the city, because I cannot imagine they could stay long in a place with soldiers actively looking for them by name. Then, really, if you're leaving the Highest Light, there's nowhere else to go in this narrative but to Midst. And, well, I won't be obtuse: the episode icon for 17: Ghosts suggests it is set on Midst. Then add that there aren't really plot threads left that are locked to the Highest Light, so it feels like a decent guess that things are heading back toward the Mediun.

I've been vocal that I am interested in seeing Spahr acquire a position of authority that he can meaningfully use and use well, especially with how recurrently the topic is brought up in his narrative. So, even joke's aside, I do wonder if this lack of a Consector on Midst can be resolved with Spahr attempting to take advantage of that gap to convince them to renounce the Trust as he has and help him, and the Breach, put the final stitch into all of this. The Company on Midst has been aimless the entire season, and they'll probably get only more so with the Valor system in shambles. Maybe Spahr can impart a bit of direction? Is it worth a try? If he could pull it off, would it be useful against Weepe and anyone remaining in the Trust?

I don't know if it'll happen, and maybe it won't, but I think that'd be fun. It'd be a fun thing to do with that directionless unit on Midst and with the direction of Spahr's character and this recurring chorus that he has not been truly someone of authority.

There is no Consector on Midst, but perhaps there is about to be a former one. It'd be a neat way to resolve this question that's plagued him since his first episode as a full point of view character, Ascendancy: "Who's in charge here, anyway?"

[msmargaretmurry]

QUESTION ABOUT HAW do Matthew and Leon ever get married, and if so, who asks who, how does it come about, etc?

i have always assumed they would eventually!! but almost definitely not until after at least one of them retires, although they will be talking about it for a while before then. i haven't thought about it super in detail, but the logistics are something like

matthew is obviously in calgary for four more years after haw, and leon is going to re-sign in edmonton when his contract is up, on a contract that's a few years longer than what matthew has left, then when matthew's contract is up he'll pull the kind of sign-and-trade he did irl to get to a team where they'll both be happy spending their old man hockey years, so he can lowkey manipulate them into having cap space for leon when the time comes, lmao.

so they don't want to get married until they can live together year-round anyway, and also they didn't want to get married while they still had to be super low-key about being together, which they'd still be doing at that point, because they didn't want to risk the team being weird about signing players who are in a relationship. but once they're established on their old man sancutuary team together they'll gradually start giving far fewer fucks about that 😂

anyway they will have started talking about getting married before they move to the same team -- leon brings it up first, not in a proppsal way, just in a very matter-of-fact way one day, i think maybe when matthew is coming to the end of his calgary contract and is stressed about it -- about picking the perfect team, about moving even farther away from leon -- and leon is like, hey. it'd gonna be fine. i love you. no matter what happens i'm still gonna marry you one day so it'll be fine.

and then they spend several years in this state of occasionally talking about marriage but not formally engaged -- to the point where they're, like, discussing theoretical timeframes and venues and wedding parties. matthew is the one who finally proposes properly, during the summer after their first season on the same team, down on one knee and everything, and he's like, "i don't know if this is even necessary at this point but i wanted to say this [sappy, clearly practiced little speech about how much he loves leon and how much loving leon has changed him for the better]"

just because he's older i think leon would retire first -- maybe a couple seasons earlier than planned, because some injury just won't heal right. they had originally said they'd get married when they both retire but matthew's like, hey do you wanna just get married THIS summer. you can be my wag :)"

so they do. and brady cries during his best man speech

[nanistar]

may i ask why you hate mapleshade? like is it more of a fandom thing/author thing or do you just not like her character? sorry if thats a weird question lol

i think the idea behind her character is cool but the erins are the erins and they fucked it up imo. also the way the fandom treats any discussion about her and other characters in her book is so annoying i cannot stand going into the mapleshade tag on tumblr

which is a shame cause like i said, i really like the concept of her character and i feel like it had alot of potentional

not a weird question, i get it. i gotta start by saying i have no ill will against people who like mapleshade or even like the points i'm about to say. btw! sorry this is long i got really into it

starting chronologically (according to canon, not publication)(publication order is: all ivypool darkforest books (2011 and prev) crookeds promise (2011), great battle (last hope 2012, she permadies here) and maples vengeance (2015)

i actually really liked mapleshade's vengeance, all things considered. it comes last in the mapleshade storyline according to publication date, and up until then we really didn't know much about her, and i believe this is where she gets a personality other than "random DF lady" and "rude ghost villain". the erins are not good writers by any means, but i felt that mapleshade's internal monologue and the way she saw the world was genuinely pretty decent. they portrayed her as obsessive and manipulative and as an unreliable narrator. it was one of the first books i read upon returning to the fandom in 2018 and it was a thrill to read, because i hadn't been spoiled on it.

the erins have a habit of writing surprise/accidental pregnancies as plot points, which has the implication of like… flings/one night stands. it's best not to think about it. it's pretty obvious upfront that appledusk is not as in to her as she is in to him, but she doesn't see it. she talks about him in her narrations as a sweet and loving man and talks about their family and future together, but when we the readers finally see him, he's calloused and doesn't really care about her. i think she even sees him with reedshine at a gathering and gets mad before she thinks "oh he's just doing that so no one gets suspicious" (not quoting or anything, i havent read the novel since 2018) girl. their relationship was obviously just a fling to him, but to her they were in love. i liked the way this was written as opposed to all the other times in warriors weve seen a man have a hissy fit because a girl rejected him. (ashfur is the glaring example but also crowfeather, brambleclaw) her denial and refusal to accept what she was seeing (that she was the side piece) was the interesting part.

she has her children and then ravenwing spills the beans. why on earth would he do that? why would it benefit the clan or anyone? from a logistical standpoint, thunderclan lost 3 potential new warriors and mapleshade never implied she was going to riverclan. anyway, he didn't even have proof. he just assumed. i think he rightfully got what was coming for him, since if he would have kept his mouth shut, 7 cats including himself wouldn't have died. sorry mini rant i don't like him. anyway we know the rest of the story. kits die, maple kills ravenwing for telling her secret, she kills frecklewish for not helping (no, she couldn't have jumped in to save the kits without probably dying herself but she COULD have stood up for maple in thunderclan, and she was upstream so she could have yelled out and warned maple of the flood but im NOT getting into that and i dont care) and then she goes to kill reedshine but kills appledusk instead. did he deserve it? he was kinda a dick but mapleshade was like stalker-obsessed with him (i think she uses the phrase "my appledusk" in her narration but i might be wrong) after what was ostensibly a one night stand. perchpaw wounds mapleshade to the point where once she flees the scene, she dies of blood loss. cool

the story of a mothers love (and a mother's loss) is an age-old tale. in a franchise where all female characters are doomed to become boring cookie-cutter mothers, this loss and violent rage was awesome.

everyone told me to read crookedstar's promise, because it was the best super edition. i.. do not agree with that. tbh i thought it was long and boring and went nowhere. crookedstar suffered many tragedies in his life, and he lost everyone he loved, and then the book suddenly ends with him going "im ok (:" and dying. (i was reading a pdf and not a physical copy so it was VERY abrupt for me. i legit sat there like.. so that's it? i read 500+ pages for that?) i can't really blame mapleshade for this (since shes not real) but it does factor in. her idea of revenge against appledusk was to torture an injured baby? who then grew up and had no idea who the fuck appledusk was? why not raise him and give him the love he craved so that when the time came, he would be more likely to do her bidding?? her motives here make no sense. not super important. anyway.

and then she's seen occasionally in the dark forest and she tries to drown ivypaw for no reason once. idk she was obviously just a background character in these scenes (since they came first) but the fans saw a female in the dark forest and were like. thank god a woman. can you blame them. then the erins built her up from that.

anyway mapleshade has this generations long story of manipulating younger cats, and a POV book where she's obviously obsessive, controlling, stalkerish and chooses brutally uncommon violence as a way to get back at those who wrong her. (she unburies ravenwing's body so crows can eat it, and she uses adders to kill frecklewish, despite the fact the snakes could easily go for her.) she puts HERSELF in danger to do these things because she's impulsive, she justifies all her actions to herself by saying its revenge for her children and in the end, she pushes the last remnants of the kittens she thinks she's fighting for away. this is a cool story about a woman who's pushed to the edge and takes everyone down with her. for ONCE its not a man with deadwifepain.

and what does the fandom do

they girlbossify her. they fight over if she's in the wrong or not (she is. she killed people.) they take everything about her that made her compelling and turn her into "grr my husband cheated on me and me kids are dead. sad." she gets turned into the most basic, boring, cookie cutter "evil" lady. she kills people for fun and not because she had a reason to or a goal (in her mind). she suffers the most tragic kind of loss that there is and gets no time to grieve before she is run out of her home, and her reaction to this is pure RAGE, and the fandom turns her into this boring, slay QUEEN!!! (not the pregnant cat kind), always been evil, always been hardcore, ~So CrAzY~, "my eyeliner is sharp to stab men" girlboss. where's the nuance. where's the passion!!? she's a miserable, impulsive, manipulating failure. she blames others for her mistakes and bad judgment and punishes others for her shortfallings. she can't be vulnerable and broken, she can only cry because dead kids and then kill evil husband and evil husbands wife. she's even sometimes portrayed as like "boss" of the dark forest, wrangling all the men. barf.

so to answer your question, it's the general fandom* portrayal that i hate, but i honestly wouldn't trust the erins with her at this point. (the erins are influenced by their fans, for example (old person voice) back in my day, firestar and scourge being brothers was just a fan theory.) i'm glad they permakilled her in the great battle so they cant bring her back to ruin anything. actually thinking about her to write this out and reflect on why i don't like her made me sympathize for her. i like text mapleshade with a little bit of fanon sprinkled in for flavor.

and hey. usually when the fandom adopts a character, they're right. the fandom likes to get really in to random bg/side characters and give them lives they would never have in canon. but sadly (or not, depending on your opinion), when those get popular and breach containment, they spread everywhere and suddenly people think this IS canon. look at how many of us thought that brambleclaw killed hawkfrost directly after he killed hollyleaf, because that was the easy way to portray the great battle in MAPs, only to have someone point out, years after this has become the common sequence of events, that brambleclaw actually hunts him down, brings him back to camp, and then murders him POW style!!!

*btw. im in no way saying that all mapleshade-based projects or aus or whatever are bad, even if she is sexy girlboss in them. some of my favorite maps portray her like that.

anyway. TLDR:

everyone say "i'm sorry mapleshade"

[bonefall]

Oh, does wildfur live?

[ID: the Better Bones AU version of Wildfur from Warrior Cats. He is a gray tabby with a "vest" mane around his shoulders, silver paws and muzzle, yellow eyes and whiskers, with a board tied to his waist with string.]

Not only does this dude live, he takes on the Great Journey while in that mobility device.

It's really important to me that, this time around, the Clans don't just leave behind every cat too "slow and weak" to make the journey lmao wtf

There is no question that Wildfur and any other elders and disabled cats will be going on the journey; only a discussion of logistics.

(And also ShadowClan's dark sense of humor, Tawnypelt returns telling them about the lake and Blackstar tells a sadistic joke about leaving behind 4 cats captured by humans, the Clan chipping in while suggesting more and more ridiculous cats to leave behind, like the elders, and Wildfur, and the kittens who aren't even big enough to fight yet.)

Wildfur has a very "rockstar" aesthetic and personality, he's pretty vain and prone to outbursts.

I kinda want Wildfur to have kittens; being an honor sire before his injury works, but I also like the thought of him adopting a kitten in the Lake territory.

Maybe a rogue's abandoned kitten, or a loner who was bit by an adder and left kits behind.

Cinderpelt and Littlecloud are responsible for making that mobility device! It's nowhere near as advanced as Briarlight's is. It's Version 1.

They're getting a little side parable at some point as they hatch a treatment plan together, which will include Wildfur getting chest infections from being depressed and sedentary after his injury.

The problem with V1 of the Mobility Device is how it tends to wear down the twine over time, and there's no way for Wildfur to put it on without help. It's also prone to occasionally getting rocks or thorns stuck under it, so he checks himself for unknown injury after an out-of-camp stroll.

It was still lifechanging though, and gave him the confidence to rejoin Clan life.

There are several points during the Great Journey where Wildfur is physically incapable of accomplishing certain feats, like mountain climbing. Blackstar carries him. All the big warriors take turns.

Wildfur has a pretty relaxing life after that. He's just a really interesting background character.

"Is there a reason he's an elder and not on Kitchen Patrol or something similar?" He doesn't have the patience for it, he just likes being an elder and doing whatever he wants. He still helps out here and there though.

Eventually he passes away of a disease at some point before Briarlight has her injury. He's fondly remembered, and Littlecloud explains to ThunderClan what her life will be like.

Unfortunately Millie still really doesn't take this well, she hears, "please be careful of catching any illnesses or sustaining injury to your lower legs and also we'll have to discuss how to keep yourself clean now that your dirtplace habits will be different" and takes it as "EVERYTHING ON EARTH IS A THREAT"

But, anyway, say hello to one of my favorite little background guys. I'm super fond of ShadowClan and their nasty humor and deep love for each other, I want Wildfur to have a ton of that in him. Looks mean, absolutely adores his family.

He's just a neat dude.

[eiirisworkshop]

I want to post something, but I don't have anything finished, so you get a sneak peak at the sequel to my Star Trek fic, Chiaroscuro. Enjoy!

~

Admiral Fitzgerald sighed and ran a hand over his face. “If I promise you you'll get another ship, will you take the damn promotion?”

Kirk crossed his arms. “If I can get that promise in writing from all the top brass, sure.”

“I'll see if I can swing that.” The Admiral pinched the bridge of his nose. “You're impossible, Kirk, I hope you know that. And you get away with more than you should, because, unfortunately, you really are that good.” He folded his hands on the desk. “What was it the two of you wanted to see me about, anyway?”

Kirk looked sidelong at Spock.

“We have a question, or rather a requirement, regarding our respective next assignments, for logistical reasons,” Spock said coolly.

“More demands,” Fitzgerald snorted. “What's this requirement of yours?”

“Nothing huge,” Kirk assured him. “It's just, wherever we're posted, if we're going to be there for four years or longer, we need to either be assigned together, or within a day or two's travel from one another.”

“Together would be preferable,” Spock added. “Simpler.”

“Uhhuh.” Fitzgerald looked unimpressed. “Why?”

“Well, um….” Kirk looked to Spock again.

Spock was staring fixedly at a book on the shelf behind the Admiral. “Certain circumstances arose over the course of our recent mission that resulted in the establishment of a particular kind of psyonic link between myself and the Captain. The phenomenon is extraordinarily common among Vulcans, but rare with members of other species. It was unavoidable, but it does now mean that the two of us must have at least periodic access to one another.”

“Or else what?”

“It would be fatal,” Spock said simply.

Fitzgerald nodded slowly and leaned on one elbow towards Kirk. “Does this, by any chance, have something to do with that detour you took the Enterprise to Vulcan a few years ago?”

“Short answer: yes,” Kirk said carefully.

“Well,” Fitzgerald leaned back in his chair, “I happen know that Commander Spock's next assignment is a four year teaching stint here at the Academy, and Captain, there's some fighting over you but it's looking like you'll be spending those four years behind a desk in one department or another, and unless Wyoming or Luna make particularly convincing cases for needing you before the ceremony Friday, it's looking like you'll be either here or in L.A. I figure that's easy enough travel.”

“Yes sir,” Kirk said along with Spock, biting back the urge to point out that the Admiral could have just told them they would be posted near each other anyway.

“If that's everything, I do believe you've already been given your accommodation assignments,” Fitzgerald said. “It's late, you've had a long day, and I know it can be rough to readjust to living by an actual day/night cycle again.”

“One more thing about that, actually,” Kirk said quickly.

“Captain,” Spock warned lowly.

“I was hoping one or both of us could be reassigned,” Kirk continued, ignoring the man who was no longer his First Officer. “So we're not on opposite ends of campus, at least. If there's not a good way to do that, I know the flats over at the north end of Academy housing are never full, that would work too.”

“Jim,” Spock warned again.

The Admiral looked back and forth between the two of them and tilted his head curiously. “Is this whole psyonic link business some kind of sex thing?”

“I do not believe that question is appropriate, Admiral,” Spock bit with a stern, cold evenness that almost came across as polite.

“Maybe not, but I think it's warranted. Kirk, you know those flats are family housing. They're for married couples and parents with kids. So unless the two of you are planning on getting hitched—”

“By Vulcan standards I'm pretty sure we already are!” Kirk exclaimed.

“Jim.”

“What? We are, aren't we?”

“Yes,” Spock confirmed, “but I do not appreciate your disclosing that without consulting me.”

“Well, hell,” Fitzgerald sighed. “Kirk, half the ladies in Starfleet are going to be heartbroken.”

“I don't think that comment was appropriate, either, Admiral,” Kirk said.

Fitzgerald shrugged. “You're the one who just told your boss you shacked up with your XO without clearing it with him first. Look, do you have some kind of documentation? A Vulcan marriage certificate, if there is such a thing?”

“There is, but we do not,” Spock said.

“Then there's nothing I can do for you. I couldn't get anything changed for you tonight, regardless. Go get some rest. You're both dismissed.”

Spock nodded once, turned on his heel, and strode out. Kirk followed with a tight “Yes, sir,” to the Admiral.

Despite the hour, there were still plenty of people coming and going in the halls—Starfleet never really slept—but Kirk and Spock did manage to get an elevator to themselves. Kirk punched the button for the lobby and the doors closed.

“You should have conferred with me,” Spock said to his reflection in the polished metal door.

“You're right, I should have, I'm sorry.” Kirk deflated against the elevator wall. He was exhausted. And starving.

“How and when to inform Starfleet of our relationship was not your call to make unilaterally.”

“They were going to find out sooner or later, and we were already halfway to telling Fitzgerald, but you're right, and I'm sorry.” He took a breath and shoved away from the wall as they neared their floor. “I'll grovel, I'll walk you through my thought process back there, whatever you want from me, but can we do it over food? I haven't eaten anything since the cheese and fruit and crackers at that third press conference.”

Spock's gaze slid over to him, carefully—ominously—blank. After a breath he dipped his head in acquiescence. The door dinged open and they stepped out.

“I recommend both,” Spock said as they walked through the lobby.

[fickes]

hiiiiii

as a pre top surgery transmasc i adore your art so much. it makes me so happy and gives me hope that someday i too will be able to get top surgery!

okay so i like asking peoples personal experiences, so what were the most interesting things about getting ready for top surgery, the surgery itself or the recovery process in your eyes?

also how long did it take to get off of the binder after the surgery? thats the part i worry about the most bc i cant wear a binder bc my lungs are inept (affectionate) so i worry how thatll go but i mean itll be worth it obviously.

anyway whatever you are comfortable sharing about the surgery process, id love to hear it!!! have a great rest of your day

Thanks so much :) I'm answering this publicly in case other people find this information useful, but let me know if it's a problem and I'll take it down right away. Also feel free to message me with any follow-up questions.

I should let you know a lot of my comics are a bit dramatized for comedic purposes. I don't lie at all but sometimes I phrase things to be funny, not accurate ;)

Let's get into it - first of all, speaking as someone who needed top surgery but felt it was a pipe dream for soso long, I'll say a) it was well worth the wait and b) it wasn't nearly as hard as I expected it to be, both logistically and physically. I had the advantage that I live in a pretty liberal state in transgender law and financial aid, but the disadvantage of having a few medical conditions that I expected to make the surgery pretty hard on me (and that blocked me a little in terms of getting medical permission). If you live in the USA, I may have more specific legal guidelines for you if you want it.

In terms of the binder! I actually have a chest deformity that made wearing a binder extremely painful and probably damaging. I usually had to opt for sports bras etc., and this was a big concern for me, too, in terms of the binder that you have to wear after surgery. The vest the hospital gave me was problematic because it didn't fit me right and was causing a lot of pain. I'm not sure if my deformity had to do with it or not. But the point is: I told them the problem, and they gave me the option of just going out and buying Under Armour compression sportswear. This SAVED me, and it was FAR less painful than any binder or binder substitute I've ever worn. I could wear it 24/7 and barely even notice the pain, and it was only about $20 online. This is definitely worth asking about ahead of time to any potential surgeon. Even if this particular solution doesn't work for your case, they probably have others. There are a lot of us with bad lungs/ribs!

I was required to wear the compression shirt for 6 weeks. After that, I've chosen to continue wearing it on and off because I still have a little swelling. They expect that to be done by 6 months.

The worst parts were the vest (before I replaced it with the sportswear) and the drains. The worst part about the drains is they do hurt, and if the tubes shift at all you can feel it inside your body (BAD feeling). Unlike everything else, they were gradually hurting more the longer I had them. I got them out after a week, and after that recovery was no problemo at all. The drains are the hard part - I think most people agree with me on this one. Some people experience pain getting them removed, too, but for me it just felt a little weird.

The most interesting thing to me was the result itself. The wound, the bruising, the stitches, the glue, and the scars. Watching my own skin heal itself into a new shape was fascinating! I was allowed to change the dressing on day 2 and it was a pretty gruesome sight, but it also felt RIGHT. I was expecting a difficult adjustment. Even with the gender euphoria, a lot of trans people say they felt woozy or strange when they first saw the results. It can take a long time for your brain to adjust to your new shape. But for some reason, for me, it just immediately felt right. It's already hard to imagine my chest having ever been different.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Hi, I'm trans (ftm) and in a week I'm leaving for 2 month long camp. I was assigned to sleep in the girls cabins but have switched to th boys. Does anyone have any tips for a trans boy sleeping in the boys cabins for the first time? Also for reference I'm 14 years old.

Lee says:

I would advise you to speak with the camp staff or counselors in advance, if you haven't already, and make sure they understand the situation and fully support having you sleep in the boy's cabin and also do all of the other activities with the boys, if that's what you want.

You don't want to have to deal with any last-minute surprises like finding out they're re-assigned you back to the girl's cabin or plan on having you change in the girl's bathrooms instead of a private gender-neutral or male space after you're at camp, so you gotta get all of the details ironed out in advance.

That includes making sure you've thought about what you're comfortable with in terms of bathrooms, changing spaces, locker rooms, etc, and how you plan to handle things like binding or packing (and cleaning STP packers), how you plan to manage your period if you have a period, and whether you plan on coming out to your bunk-mates (and, by extension, to the whole camp because you can't assume everyone will keep your secrets) if you aren't already out to them.

It isn't safe to wear a binder 24/7 for two months so you presumably will not be binding at night when you're in the boy's cabin which means at some point over the next two months at least one boy in your cabin is likely to see you without the binder as you get ready for bed at night and get out of bed in the morning, even if you try to avoid it. If you don't mind that, or don't bind anyway, then it's not a big deal, but it's something to consider because it can make it harder to stay stealth if that is something you had hoped to do.

Make sure you have a plan for your menstrual supplies if you use any, and bring enough of them to have some back-ups. Think about what is going to make you feel the most comfortable, whether it's pads, tampons, menstrual cups, menstrual discs, period underwear, etc, and then think about the logistics of it-- disposing of used pads or tampons in the men's bathroom or bringing bags so you can wrap it yourself and carry it to another trash to get rid of, how you could discreetly wash a menstrual cup or period underwear in the men's bathroom, and so on. Don't bring anything to camp that you haven't used before-- this isn't the time to bring a single menstrual cup only to find the size you got isn't comfy for you!

Overall, the largest piece of advice that I'd have is to just be yourself, and be friendly to others. Take the opportunity to get to know your fellow cabin mates better if they aren't already your friends-- they could be the ones who either stand up for you and have your back if some other student gives you trouble, or they could end up being the source of trouble if they feel uncomfortable with you and/or are transphobic. You don't need to be best friends with all of them, but don't be a wallflower and ignore them either, and try to be reasonable even when they're not.

You might encounter curiosity or questions from your peers about your gender identity and body. While it's entirely up to you how much you want to share, being prepared with a simple and confident response can help navigate these interactions smoothly.

Respect the privacy and boundaries of your cabin mates, just as you would expect them to respect yours. Establishing mutual respect early on can contribute to a harmonious living environment. Even so, living with other folks means you may have disagreements and friction over things like how messy your space is, how late people stay up, etc, especially when you're living together for two months, so be prepared to stand up for yourself but also remember to try and be a problem-solver and take a minute to cool down before you get into a fight and learn to let some things go.

As always, remember that you have the right to be there and to feel comfortable in your surroundings. If you encounter any challenges or need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to a trusted camp counselor or staff member. They are there to support you and ensure that your camp experience is positive and safe. If someone does cause drama or is bullying you or is transphobic etc, don't be afraid to snitch! You gotta take care of you.

All that being said, I don't have a lot of experience with this type of situation myself-- I went to a week of school sleep-away camp in 5th grade and 6th grade but that was before I came out, and the next time I went to a similar sleep-away camp thing was a brief experience in college, so I was a young adult and had been on T and had 2 of my 5 surgeries by that point and I only needed to share a room with my partner. I would like to encourage our followers to add on with more tips if you have relevant experiences and can help anon out! And anon, when you come back from camp, please do share any life-hacks you've picked up with us to help the next young trans camper out!!

Followers, anything to add?

[foxgirlmusk]

Hello maam! soooo ive got kind of a weird logistical question which i hope isnt too personal! so i sent my girlfriend a screenshot of your post about your piss conditioning? and she was. Very Enthusiastic about trying to replicate it! I was curious myself so thought i might come straight to the source! she is specifically fond of the potential of having an accident! iwas wondering how you and your partner(s) specifically go about the conditioning process? do you use clickers at all or is it just social conditioning? Have you had good results? i hope thats not too much! anyways any and all info would be greatly appreciated!! thank you so much :) sincerely - butch piss extraordinaire

Im happy to answer anything so lets do this!

So to start with I am already predisposed towards bathroom issues due to having ADHD (putting off pee breaks until the last minute) and taking Spironolactone (a diuretic) as a hormone blocker so the conditioning is already building off of a solid base of being desperate to pee a lot of the time.

I have to ask permission every time I use the bathroom with the only exception being if I'm at work or alone for extended periods (which doesn't happen often) but my partner can change that at any time.

My partner started with giving permission almost immediately when I ask, slowly training me to pee almost immediately after getting permission, after doing that for a while he started pausing before giving permission or pretending not to hear or teasing me about needing to go so much which already makes it so hard to hold it in before he allows me to go.

Ive already had a few accidents like this but now he's started outright saying no, last night in fact before I started making dinner I was refused and had to start cooking whilst bursting to go and I almost peed myself right there in the kitchen.

The next part I believe would be to get me to pee on command, he already started on this at one point by making me sit on the toilet and hold it until he rubs behind my ear and telling me to pee each time I went and without much reinforcement at all if I need to pee and he rubs my ear I will get incredibly close to having an accident, with more reinforcement this would definitely turn into peeing on command.

I think the key part of turning it into an accident is making the arousal at being made to pee on command enough to push past the trained reflex to hold it in, most of my accidents have been due to my arousal at the situation I've been conditioned to be in.

I think a clicker would be useful to use for reinforcing the peeing with permission stage but I wouldn't want it to be the command, I feel the physical touch works best (for me at least) as being touched in a specific way can elicit a stronger repeatable response than a sound that you can likely hear by accident.

I hope this helps! I'm interested to hear how it goes for you so please let me know if you manage to make her your Perfect PeePee Princess 👸💦

[fireemblems24]

Golden Wildfire Ch 15 (Final)

Guys, I think this is finally it, the last chapter

MAIN STORY

We're . . . not going to get an answer about Shez, are we? Would I if I recruited Byleth?

Which, now that I think about it, that was really anticlimatic death.

Also, Claude wants Dimitri and Faerghus to survive, but Rhea to die. Edelgard doesn't want Dimitri and Faerghus to survive, but also wants Rhea to die. So why the hell is Claude letting Edelgard right Dimitri while he fights Rhea? What's stopping Edelgard from killing Dimitri and taking all the Faerghus land she desperately wants? He knows Rhea was only an excuse for her.

I guess just another "Claude is an idiot" point or the writers not giving a single shit about him or this route and only caring about Dimitri and Edelgard.

Claude is suddenly reading Dimitri's mind. He thinks Dimitri wants him to dissolve the central church. This is . . . beyond stupid. Claude is literally imagining the enemy wants he wishes the enemy would want. This is such a stupid thing to do in war. Dimitri has never showed signs of wanting the church dissolved.

Also, blaming all of Fodlan's problems on Rhea is so dumb and such childish thinking too.

They really were like, go Claude, we'll give you nothing! in the writer's room.

If I cared about Claude, I'd be livid. I doubt many Dimitri or Edelgard fans are upset though.

Man, the character list is so much smaller in this route.

MAP/SIDE BATTLES

So annoyed this one has a bunch of side quests. I'm sooooo close to finishing this game.

Aww, an Alliance NPC talked about how much she likes Seteth and hopes he survives.

Ouch! Yuri! When he questions the validity of Claude's plans, Shez assures him it's the only way to pave the future, and he has the audacity to say "I guess now isn't the time to be wondering who exactly is included in this future we're dreaming about." He's calling Claude out on his shit big time. Yuri just does not fit here.

Ashe keeps talking about Dimitri. He's miserable.

Hapi doesn't want to kill Rhea :(

Ohhh, interesting, so Raphael doesn't like how we've been fighting. Shez can agree or disagree. I agreed in both SB and GW. In GW, she says their actions are too haphazard, but in SB, she says they're being too brutal and not letting anyone surrender. Curious differences (ofc Raphael just wants to eat and party, that's what he disagrees with, it's Shez's perceptions that made me interested).

Gilbert and Dimitri talking. Dimitri arriving has boosted moral. But it's the same for his enemies.

Dimitri's concerned about Rhea and learns that they're prepared for battle. Dimitri can't help them :(

Dimitri ordered his citizens to evacuate because he's worried about what the Alliance will do, but isn't convinced Claude wants to destroy his Kingdom.

I love Dimitri doubling down on protecting his people above all else here. Gustave is upset about abandoning Rhea. Dimitri is too, but he's willing to be the bad guy if it saves a single life in Faerghus.

A side mission involved defeating Cyril :( And now Flayn :(

SHEZ & RAPHAEL A

Soldiers are happier. Shez can guess war turning in our favor or pay raise.

If you ever needed proof that Raphael is an idiot, he argues that wouldn't make sense because not everyone is motivated by money. Like, seriously, tell me a single soldier there who gives a flying shit about what some king says. The only route this wouldn't be true in is AG since they're fighting for their lives.

Anyways, it's actually the food.

Shez talks about how a good meal rather than scapes is a good motivator. And honestly, good point.

Raphael talks about being an innkeeper. Honestly, he'd be such a fun boss to have, but he'll need to hire someone to handle the logistics lol.

Raphael asks Shez to tag along. I can either be nice and agree or not make promises. Being mean to Raphael is basically bullying.

Shez either way still considers being a mercenary, but I love the idea of Shez and Raphael running an inn together.

LYSITHEA & RAPHAEL A

Wonder why they choose Lysithea of all people to reach A with Raphael.

She studied too long and is out after dark, so obviously scared. She tries to convince herself the weird noises is Raphael.

But it's not this time, bc he shows up and asks what's the creepy noise lol. Poor Lysithea.

Now she's properly freaked out. Poor girl.

It's probably just a cat, but she thinks it's a ghost.

Lysithea goes to investigate too or else she'll be alone.

I guessed wrong. It's a puppy, not a cat. Poor doggy is hungry, and Raphael knows the dog.

Lysithea is like, if you knew the dog, how come you didn't know that? lol.

HILDA & DOROTHEA B

A fan gave Dorothea a bracelet, and she appreciates the support. Hilda wishes she had one too.

Dorothea tells Hilda no one is better in the whole army at makeup and accessories.

The support addresses how Hilda makes her own accessories.

Dorothea talks about plant design trends. So like real life lol.

Hilda asks Dorothea about her makeup. She tries to stick for ones that are actually good for the body. Which, is really good considering what they used to use for makeup.

They want to keep chatting over tea.

Honestly, I love seeing two girls just chat about girly things without anyone putting it down.

It's nice, in general, how the Fodlan games don't put down the women who are really into fashion and the ones who don't care. Everyone is allowed to just exist, and it's great.

LYSITHEA PARALOGUE

Does she get her own because her paired up one is in SB?

She apologizes to Count Glouster for all the chaos Ordelia causes, but he apologizes for not taking care of it. She understands how important it is for him to protect the bridge.

Her father is buddies with Lorenz's father.

Shez comes with news about Ordelia under attack.

No one else can help. Lysithea says she didn't realize how Claude could be so cruel. Shez tries to defend him by saying she's all the way out here, and Lysithea claps back. Team Lysithea here.

Shez thought Count Glouster would we dead weight. She was right. Idiot almost died. Shez and Lysithea were fine.

He looks forward to the day both aren't leaders anymore so they can just be friends and thinks Lysithea would be a worthy heir :( Poor Lysithea, she faltered at that.

Glouster did nothing to help Lysithea's father because he led the pro-Empire nobles.

MARIANNE & YURI A

Yuri sees Marianne out late and worried that she was going to leave like she thought about, but she was just walking her horse.

Then we get the classic "..." and "..." response. Since the ye ole days characters have done that in FE supports.

Marianne is like, why were you worried, then goes off how she's just a burden, and Yuri is like stop that, now.

Yuri is allergic to horses and cats? :((( Poor guy. That would suck.

That's why he was always giving Marianne funny looks, because he was about to sneeze and she's always around horses, lamo.

It's nice seeing Yuri be nice. But if he was mean to Marianne, like how can you be mean to Marianne?

Yuri dreams of being able to spent time with the animals he's allergic too, so he accepts Marianne's offer to use magic to try to help. I hope it works.

HILDA & DOROTHEA A

Hilda is trying to figure out what's wrong with one of her accessories. She thinks it's missing something.

Dorothea offers to help out, and is really impressed with Hilda's craftsmanship. And honestly, there's a picture and it looks pretty.

Hilda likes Dorothea's suggestion.

Dorothea also offers to buy the accessories for the opera, and use that to advertise them too.

Hilda is more than happy with that suggestion.

Hilda actually wants to open her own school to teach people craftsmanship, and thinks she can partner with Dorothea on that too.

MARIANNE & IGNATZ A

A pegasus that Ignatz was helping said "bring me more hay, four eyes." to Ignatz, Marianne interpreted. She rightly called it rude lamo.

Ignatz used to ride pegasus with his mother, she used to be a pegasus knight. I wonder if that's why he wants to be a knight.

He was really impressed with the view, understandably.

It made him want to become a pegasus knight, but they're sexist lol. Women only.

That's why he wants to help with the pegasi so much, it's the closest he can get.

Marianne is like "I can feel your feelings in the paintings" and Ignatz freaks out until she keeps going and saying she can tell how much he loves pegasi. I wonder what he was so worried about . . .hmm . . . Liking Marianne just proves taste though.

Marianne thinks that maybe the pegasus will accept Ignatz. But I don't think it went well lol. She grabbed his clothing with her teeth, not on her back. OMG, poor Ignatz.

It ends with Ignatz begging for Marianne's help lamo.

MAIN (& FINAL) BATTLE

Alright, guys, this is it. 2/3 done once this battle is over. Sadly, I'll probably have to kill Rhea though. But who knows, she got to be the hero of SB in the end, maybe GW too, or is that asking too much?

Rhea's like I should've killed these bitches years ago (rather than protecting them after turning her genocided family into weapons, poor woman has seen some shit).

Rhea thinks she'll have the goddesses' protection. Too bad Sothis is dead :(

It seems like Rhea is expecting to die. She's telling Seteth and Flayn to run. And saying her time is at an end.

It's funny that Rhea also thinks she's fighting for the future and humanity because she thinks she knows what's best. She and Edelgard (and Claude in this route) are really the same. Then there's Dimitri, the only sane one who doesn't have a bloated ego that thinks he knows best for every living soul in Fodlan, in some case, without ever even talking to some people from a particular country (looking at you, Edelgard, ding dong thinks she can rule Faerghus better than Dimitri without ever even having bothered to TALK to someone from Faerghus).

OK, so why did Edelgard only get 40 points, but Claude gets 70?

OMG, one of Claude's tactics is to burn the enemies alive (elite archers turn enemies into ash, not sure how else to see that).

I don't want to kill Cyril two times in one night :( Thankfully, he retreated.

Great, now Alois is here, claiming he'll fight to the death, which seems major OOC even with Rhea under attack. This game really forgot that he had a family, didn't it? I think he, Claude, and Caspar got the biggest downgrades in writing.

Oh, shit, he died for real. And he mentioned his family this time.

I had to fight Seteth too, but he retreated, thankfully.

DON'T MAKE ME KILL MERCEDES!!!!

Oh, fuck, Cyril died :((( God.

Jeritza came to save his sister :(((( So he turned against the Empire in GW. That's kinda touching, much better than in Houses. Seems Mercedes is now flipping, better than having to kill her like poor Cyril and Alois.

Now I have to fight Flayn :( Thankfully, she withdrew.

Now I have to fight Seteth and Flayn again, but on the upside, Rhea did badass magic and took away my captured strongholds.

I'm not clear if Flayn died or retreated, but Seteth is pissed off at me.

Oh, thank God, they're both running away.

Time to kill Rhea :(

Cut scene time. Wow, Claude, that's rich. He's telling Rhea to go walk away. But, to like where? The guy's been hell bent on killing her and blaming her for everything from racism to arranged marriage this entire game?

Why the random flower getting crushed? Usually that's a sign of crushed renewal, not a brand new world like Claude's been blowing smoke about this whole route.

Lololol Idiot just realized Rhea's the Immaculate One.

Lamo, even in the final battle Marianne's not convinced Claude not coo coo for coco puffs.

More cut scene. Shez and Claude killing Rhea. Shez turned into Arval. Wonder what happens if you recruit Byleth.

This was such a watered-down version of SB's final battle. They both had Rhea as a final boss, but SB got Thales too and it was A LOT harder because of that. Either that or Lorenz is really that silly stupid good.

Another abrupt, non-ending.

Claude wanted the war to end, and shock of all shock, killing Rhea didn't work!!! The idiot. All those people died, for nothing. I also predict greedy assholes will still enforce hierarchies and be racist, even without Rhea.

This ending may have been even worse than SB's? Because at least Edelgard still has a goal she's working towards, it just cut off mid-way. Claude accomplished his and nothing changed - he only made the world worse.

Are either GW or SB better endings if you get Byleth? I'm betting that's what happens. Because that can't be the real ending, lol.

MVP time. Wonder when it'll turn into the Lorenz show. As soon as Ch 5, pretty much no one but Lorenz got MVP. He's just absurd, but in a boring way. He's invulnerable to damage, but doesn't play very fun. If I ever did GW again, I'd main Lysithea. She's a unit type I like way more, hella strong and fast, but low defense. Lorenz made GW super boring to play since I didn't have to think at all. He's that good of a unit.

It's funny seeing nothing but Lorenz's face on an endless scroll (except paralogues or like, women units only battles)

I can't believe I'm getting a letter from Lorenz. If I knew I'd get a letter, I would've picked a character I actually liked, like Marianne. Hubert's letter was better. Lorenz's was really generic.

Still pissed there's no paired endings.

And these endings are so bad, wtf. I'm glad I did this twice so I know AG is also just going to randomly end.

xxx

[undercat-overdog]

So I was reading some of your older answers to questions about your fics when I became curious about something. Let’s pretend that there’s an AU where a more corruptible version of ‘Bones’ Celebrimbor accepts Sauron’s proposal to marry and rule with him. What would happen to Sauron if Celebrimbor were to die? (Let’s say in battle fighting for Sauron) Comparing it to Melian’s reaction to leave everything behind after Thingol’s death.

Hey anon! Thank you for the ask, and sorry for my delay in replying.

You know, I was thinking about it a while back and I definitely think there's a tack Sauron could have used that could have led to Celebrimbor's darker side coming through. I thought a bit a while back about how to do that and mostly they wouldn't work as an AU from that particular point in Bones (things like insidious mind control using the One, C being captured and through a mix of stockholm syndrome and wanting to make S's rule less horrible comes to participate - if you're curious about such AUs, simaetha on ao3 has some fantastic fic), but had Sauron framed it as less "let's rule the world together" and more "Gil-galad's not ambitious enough, you are, those less knowledgeable and skilled and smart as us 'wander here untaught', we need to raise them up, even if not all of them like it at first, etc." Basically the appeal he made to the Elves of Eregion in the Silm but upping the imperialism. Because Celebrimbor is prideful and is ambitious and does have a sense of superiority, and I definitely think it could be appealed to more.

Of course, Sauron didn't think he needed to hide his eventual plans, though he certainly planned to keep hiding his rather unique biography. He is also hiding his current extra-Eregion activities - he is at this point (c. SA 1200-1500) occasionally traveling around working on his evil empire. I like to imagine he sent back regular letters to Celebrimbor talking about how lovesick he is all the cool, definitely not evil-empire-related stuff he's seeing. Probably some rock samples or pressed flowers. He is being dishonest and deceiving Celebrimbor about a lot of stuff, but he is for the first time open and honest about his true goal in the proposal scene.

Anyways! In the scenario you propose, Sauron would react very, very poorly to Celebrimbor's death. Many people would die horribly. However he felt about Celebrimbor at the time - and I think he would probably end up respecting him less and Celebrimbor becoming somewhat less important in his life, thought certainly still very important - Celebrimbor is his and it is unacceptable that someone (else) hurt him. And elf soulbond! (I do love elf soulbonds.) I think it would cause a lot of pain to Sauron. Emotionally of course, he would be incredibly distraught and bereft, but metaphysically too.

To go to Melian's reaction, there's the interesting question of how she returned to Valinor. She is shapelocked, due to "begetting", but I find it logistically unlikely for her to have left Beleriand physically; I imagine she shed her form, which implies to me some sort of metaphysical change? She is no longer capable of being tied to Thingol physically (maybe a little desperate necro, but Thingol's no longer in that body). Likewise, in a situation where S loses his elf husband, I imagine it would create some sort of 'wound', if you will (and that Melian experienced that). Different in scale and effect than the loss of the One in canon, certainly not permanently incapacitating, but not too different in quality. A part of Sauron was wretched away, leaving a gaping, bleeding wound.

Many people would end up dying, horribly. But Sauron certainly isn't going to Valinor, as Melian did. I imagine the timeline and plot here would draw closer to canon. If the One wasn't already made (and I'm uncertain if a married Sauron could make the One as it is: his soul isn't just his own anymore, there's another soul that's intertwined with it*), I don't know if Sauron would make it, because I'm not sure there's the same incentive as there is in canon, but maybe something like it. But certainly going full on dark lord, Sauron the Great, King of the Earth, as he called himself in canon.**

*as a general rule I prefer 'soul' in writing, but yes, technically eala and fea and the two are different. Sauron has no "true" physical form and is whole without a fana, but Celebrimbor or any other elf are only whole when his fea and hroa/soul and body are together. But for the terms of a marriage bond, they function more or less interchangeably.

**what name he ended up using here is also open to debate. "Sauron the Great" is a title he did use canonically, but does anyone know he is Sauron/Gorthaur in this AU? Maybe not, aside from some Orcs! He's probably going by Annatar in this AU and he might end up keeping it. Well, as one of his names: I imagine he had many in different local languages.

(Also, please don't worry, your asks made me very happy to receive!)

[mkcannothelpyou]

NG (Kirara-Utage)

AK/Kinktober 2023, Day 6: “Harness”

"Kirara, I'm gonna be honest? This is insane, like, in a good way. This rules coming from you. You go, girl, get it." Utage pats her on the shoulder.

"You're okay with all of that stuff? Like, all of it is stuff we can do? Because I know some of it is kind of extreme especially towards the back end and if it's going to be hard to manage in a logistical or whatever sense we can…"

"Kirara, girl, deep breath." DEEP breath. Okay, Kirara, try that again.

"So this is good?"

Utage lazily scans Kirara's semi-stream-of-consciousness three-bullet-point itinerary again. "The bed, I can dial up Closure and she'll let us play for free for, basically? Like, as long as you want."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh." Kirara's not even gonna question how Utage gets Closure to do stuff for free in the first place. Riajuu powers.

"'Rope under clothes', yeah, we can do that. You wanna go rough or smooth? I've got some spare guest rope and some kinda, like, hempy stuff too?"

"Can—can I see?"

"Right now? Sure~." Huh? She just keeps that stuff in her closet? Wait, how exactly does Utage's closet even work, Kirara's seeing a lot of depth in there that doesn't look like it should fit and there's some suspicious shapes way in the back and "Catch."

"GYAGH! Sorry, you just surprised me, that was really fast, thank you." Kirara lets Utage sling some coils of plastic rope over one arm and… wow, this is like real deal straw-type stuff on the other.

"I gotcha, girl. Just lemme know what you think. Anyway, the suitcase thing too, totally. I've even got this kind of special one, I can show you after."

"That's…" Kirara is clenching her fists and screwing her eyes shut as hard as possible to resist the temptation to grab her phone back and type on that because as long as she's pushing herself out of her comfort zone tonight she may as well really hammer out her communication too. "That's amazing, Utage, I actually love you—"

"Love you too, babe. Sorry, no takesie-backsies in my room." …Kirara didn't even get the time to regret blurting that confession out. She knew actually hooking up with Utage would be going in deep, but this is deep. Honestly, forget a fear of all the steps, she was way less prepared for there to be basically no steps at all. "Sooo, which rope are you thinking?"

"Uh, probably the smooth one to start? I don't really know, I was kind of trying to tie myself on my own with, um… with power cords." Does Utage hate her yet? Oh my god, she's still smirking.

Utage takes the rougher coils and casually slings them backwards blind into the closet, which as far as Kirara can hear was a complete success. "You got, like, power cords long enough for shibari?"

"Not really, I guess I was just curious if I could tie myself to stuff and…"

Somehow the twinkle in Utage's eyes makes Kirara feel as if she's divulged a little too much information. "Want me to treat you?"

"Huh?" Wait, the rope's. Wait. Kirara looks down. It's. Huh? "How did you…"

"I know that's over your clothes, but you gotta test this kinda stuff first, right? Tell me if that's too tight, like, especially the armpits and stuff."

"It…'s not." At least she doesn't think so, it feels perfect. Kirara twists around a little as she stares over her sudden transformation—alternating sparingly in diamonds from her shoulders down her torso, then a gratifyingly tight figure-eight that runs through each hip groove, loops behind and back down, and crosses straight beneath oh my god, she was this close to touching me. Every piece of clothing she's wearing is bound so tightly against her skin that it's kind of giving her a taste for a sensation she didn't even know she had, meanwhile. She's… wow, Kirara is kind of majorly distracted drinking in the fact she actually has a harness on. The… the way it feels on her is so cool, oh my god, she's actually in this. Her desire to squirm is tied by her desire to just admire Utage's handiwork.

Speaking of. "I didn't even see how you…"

"Aha~! Literally, don't even worry. You like it?"

Kirara fiercely nods. She would not believe.

"Wanna get tied to something?"

Kirara keeps fiercely nodding.

Kirara is not prepared for Utage to lift up her shirt in response.

[bnbc]

Alrighty. 4,5 and 11 for the RT lore ;)

WOOOOOO thank you so much for the ask LET'S GO

4. How did your RT feel about Theodora? How did they feel when she died?

Oh, boiiiii! Theodora's ghost haunted the von Valancius' flagship for months, and Idira had nothing to do with it.

Isabella didn't have time to develop any feelings for Aunty Theo when she was still alive but after her death? She became sort of obsessed with her predecessor, tried to know as much as possible about her… and used it to look more like her.

No, Iza didn't model herself and her decision after Theodora, but she worked hard on keeping a certain resemblance between the two of them for people to have less doubts that Isabella has rights to her high position.

Even the signature Isabella's feature, her wig collection, is coming from this place: she wanted to resemble Theodora even visually, so ✨ big hair ✨, high boots, dress jackets and some of Aunty's mannerisms were with Isabella for a long time before the 3rd chapter finally happened.

But this all Theodora lore hunting made Isabella deeply respect her predecessor and regret she didn't have more time with the aunty, even tho Iza suspected that Theodora would find her too soft xD

5. What was their relationship with Edelthrad? Would your RT have been happy with an advisory role, or had they always wanted something more?

Look, I replayed the prologue about 10 times recently and Edel was nothing but a piece of shit to my girlie, who did nothing wrong (yet).

In the beginning, she would be drawn to Edel because he, like her, is a psyker, and as close as Isabella's previous crew became to her, there was always one thing standing between them: they were not psykers. They were her people, but they didn't truly understand if you know what I mean.

And she longed so much for the company of other psykers! After all, she grew up surrounded by psykers and AAT people, so she was even excited to finally have one close, again. But Edel was straight-up hostile towards her.

I think she would be deeply unhappy as one of his advisors, and would long for her old crew she could not come back to. Eventually, Edel would try to get rid of her, and rather sooner than later. I'm not sure she would win this stand.

11. Any non-companion NPC's that your RT has an interesting dynamic with?

Let me indulge myself and tell you how much Isabella von Valancius values her High Factotum. I say 'indulge' because question stands for interesting dynamic but these two are just work besties, nothing truly special — BUT THEY ARE SPECIAL TO ME

So, Isabella spent the last decade serving in the supplies division (I still don't know how you name this service correctly), so when she got to her shiny new position she took it with the motto FUCK IT WE TRADE LOGISTIC MATTER.

First, she gave Janris Danrok the hell, personally diving into details of ship logistics and trade contracts, but she found his work more than satisfying and he found his new Lord Captain understanding the trade and supplies. And they just 👀🤝👀

But okay, to add some spice. I believe I mentioned that at some point Isabella sent Jae from her ship to work from some other spot, saying she's got enough of her lies but still wanted to use her connection and talents. The final straw that bought Jae a one-way ticket from vv flagship was an absolutely minor innocent lie, not worth any drama.

The truth is, Isabella got pissed off because of Jae harassing Danrok, calling her High Factotum all sorts of derogatory quartermaster-connected names, and ON THIS SHIP WE DO NOT TOLERATE HARRASING OUR LOGISTIC TEAM OKAY also Jae never became a friend close enough to find out Isabella served in logistics too, otherwise she would watch her words and wouldn't fuck up so much.

Anyway yes Lord Captain was being fucking petty but who could stop her

TYSM FOR ASKING AGAIN