#anyways im pretty sure they're all queer

[pinketine]

[dolokhoded]

80s jesus 'verse disciple headcanons pt. 3 (jesus, judas, jb)

my sincere apologies i know i said i'd bost judas "in a little bit" about. 2 weeks ago. here they are. @ that one anon who asked me about judas, my brain works very slowly, there he is

JESUS

ok starting off jesus is gender wacky. idk what he is i use he/him for him but calling him a man feels off. he's my favorite gender identity which is wack.

being somewhat divine does that to you you don't really care for the labels society has completely made up. ANYWAYS

i don't even know what i'm gonna write for jesus i'm sure you know what kinda guy jesus was. 

okay. grew up in nazareth with his parents miriam and yosef and his siblings 

(don't ask me why im using the hebrew form of names for the parents but not jesus himself. it's because we have a hundred marys.)

he has three siblings, two sisters and one brother, and he's older than all of them with a pretty big age gap, he was kind of an accidental pregnancy

(or, y'know, the son of god. but who knows ! )

had a relatively normal life compared to everyone else. i guess reparations for how well his life went last time idk.

jesus is also the only one out of them all who has somewhat of a sense that they've all existed together somewhere before ? he doesn't clearly remember any of it, but he did recognize his disciples when he met them.

he also has a lot of nightmares. they're vague, but very painful.

anyways aside from that pretty decent upbringing. he always knew that he wanted to help people as much as he can.

he learned carpentry from his dad and although he did study political science he ended up just running his father's shop.

however of course he also runs his organization ! which i really struggle to pick a main cause for because like it's jesus ? i feel like he'd care about anything that helps people he's just trying to make the world a little better.

idk. i'll think about it.

before he was doing that he was doing a lot of activist and volunteer work alongside his cousin john ! you guys know cousin john !

and therefore already had a lot of peers and a lot of friends who then followed him and supported him. the first being andrew, who was very close with john and was there when there was just talk between the three of them and maybe some more friends about jesus starting his own cause

aside from carpentry, which he obviously likes and is very good at, jesus is actually a little bit of a creative in general.

he just started with woodcarving with his leftover supply for fun and then slowly moved on to clay and occasionally even sculpting.

likes to give stuff shape anyways

cares so much for his whole team and always reminds them to be kind to themselves and take care of themselves however he has not practiced self care a single DAY in his entire LIFE

will overwork himself to exhaustion if someone doesn't physically drag him away. has before.

for an all loving creature he has the emotional intelligence of a doorknob

dgmw he's great. he's kind to everyone and all that. he's understanding.

still has not known what the fuck is going on a day in his entire life. each time any of his friends looks the slightest bit off he comes to the wildest possible conclusion.

most of the time said conclusion being that it's his fault

he might be a tiny bit self-centered. usually not in a positive way towards himself either, it just means he thinks he's the cause of everything bad happening in his life.

feels like the world revolves around him, just in a very pessimistic way

but he's got a lot on his plate can you blame him.

love how i went "yeah he's relatively doing pretty well" and then gave him a bunch of issues lol sorry jesus

JUDAS

welcome, queers, i know you're here for him, here he is

judas is an only child and comes from a very rich family.

his parents own an insurance company and have like a bunch of buildings they're renting.

generational wealth, basically. it's all inherited and they're making a shit ton of money out of nothing it's all already set up.

judas' family is also very religious.

and i know that so far two out of the two times i've said that it means the parents are assholes but i swear it's not like that james and john's parents are also religious it just wasn't relevant.

but yeah judas' parents are, in fact, assholes. judas was very involved at the temple from very early childhood.

which unfortunately led to him being abused by religious officials that he could supposedly trust and grew up with.

especially once he started growing into his teens and came to the realization that he very much Does Not like women.

which his parents didn't love either.

somewhere around that time he started to distance himself from his family, especially once he moved away for university. judas studied political science but halfway through kind of changed career plans and double majored in journalism

which was very demanding but he did it anyways !

in university he meets jesus. jesus is in his third year when he's in his first and helps him out a lot. they're both very politically active too and always meet at protests and charity events etcetcetc so, yeah, they know each other. and sure there's something there but judas is very closed off and they drift apart when jesus graduates.

oh, judas also has depression, he was diagnosed at age ten, his family was very ashamed of that as well.

in his last year of university, he falls out with his parents once and for all.

they already weren't close, judas was very hurt by them and obviously he had a lot of personal issues with them but to him the line came when he found out about a lot of things that were going on behind closed doors in his parents' company, they were scamming a lot of innocent people and also partnering with a lot of . really just scum of the earth kind of people.

judas got rightfully very upset and had absolutely zero reason to keep covering up any of this. so he didn't ! and obviously that was very disastrous for the company.

judas gets disowned. not legally, but his parents cut all ties with him. not that he wasn't going to do that himself anyways.

obviously though as a consequence he suddenly has very very limited money. luckily for him he's currently in a relationship with his guy, isaac, who's very happy to let him move into his apartment. it would benefit him too to share the rent anyways. as it turns out, isaac's not a great guy ! judas himself isn't too well either so they have a very weird very unhealthy very codependent relationship and though they fight a lot it takes judas two years until he finally finds the strength to walk out on him.

judas didn't think that through very well because he doesn't really have anywhere to go. to his luck, guess who he runs into !

it's jesus. of course it's jesus this is the dolokhoded bible where the main character is still jesus, no matter how much i love to talk about james and simon.

jesus is on his way to a meeting with his team and he's like hey why don't you come along. and judas does. and that's it, he meets the whole gang, he ends up rooming with andrew and philip for a while before he gets his own place.

and, y'know. he does, eventually, in an excruciatingly slow process that tests the patience of all of their friends, get together with jesus.

okay i prob have to write this too uhh sad stuff ahead judas attempts once.

he's spiraling and overworking himself and hiding it pretty well. has some petty fight with john that jesus scolds him about and then has another fight with jesus over that and overall it's not going swell.

strangely enough it's john who decides to check on him after that. he has not gotten along with judas a day in his life but he could tell how upset he was and jesus is hurt and also a little petty and isn't gonna go do it himself so he decides he might as well. to his horror he stumbles into. well. yeah

he survives.

he moves in with jesus, john and matthew for a while after that.

(a lot of them are rooming they don't have much money)

goes back to therapy too.

okay sad stuff over. it gets better. he's doing well. gets a job at an independent news page and becomes quite known among his circles for his work too.

JOHN THE BAPTIST

or JB.

he does not baptize anyone. his first name is john baptist. don't ask me the logic of being named after himself when he hasn't existed yet for people to be named after him ok making an au of a defining characteristic of current human society is fucking difficult

jesus' cousin. his mother, elisheba, is miriam's sister. she's a good fifteen years older than her, and was in her fourties the year that both jesus and jb were born so her getting pregnant was a bit of a surprise.

grew up with jesus and they're very close. they studied together and they theorized together and they discussed everything together.

very big on environmental activism. and by consequence very very anti-capitalism. very anti-fast fashion, for multiple reasons. also vegan :).

jb genuinely believes the human race is the universe's biggest abomination and we should just go extinct. he's not wrong.

he doesn't pick favorites (but he does and they're andrew and philip they're his favorites)

philip was sort of his right hand

he's kind of there to encourage all the shit jesus can't if he doesn't want absolute chaos and zero planning. give simon a pat on the back for getting into fights with racists and all that.

generally he's a little more radical that jesus is. they don't agree on everything but they both respect each other's stances.

he's so well read. it's obvious too, they're all educated obviously, but this guy talks and you can tell he knows his shit. it's very impressive.

and not even in the sense of being well informed and reading theory he knows literature he knows art he's so cultured and i don't like using the word cultured because it often brings to mind a very western very white very high class perception of "culture" but that's not what i'm talking about here.

jb calls himself an atheist in a more political sense. he believes that people shouldn't rely on some higher force to give humanity and morality substance and should instead search for meaning inside those things alone, otherwise they won't have the right motivations to be moral and therefore their beliefs will have no strong foundation.

he grew up jewish but his relationship with his faith is very personal to him and stays between him and god. he doesn't care to discuss it with anyone, except maybe jesus a few times.

sort of everyone's go-to person for advice. he's there to talk the stupid out of them.

his mother was a seamstress, and he learned from her. he likes to make a lot of his own clothes.

professionally, however, he's a translator. he speaks hebrew, english, greek, russian and arabic. (also a little bit of french and german. he's not qualified to translate those though) (is constantly in the process of learning more)

he just fixated on different alphabets as a teenager a little too hard.

[nerves-nebula]

tw for like. Chronically Online nonsense & talk of csa stuff. i have fallen into a rabbithole and wanted to share it with u because it’s fucking insane and i feel like im losing my mind

so holy shit i just stumbled across the “radqueer” tag and that. i don’t. i truly have no idea how to react to whatever’s happening over there aside from complete and total bewilderment?? literally i’ve been making some serious progress in coming to terms with and trying to heal from repressed csa stuff so to open tumblr and see people saying they are ‘transtrauma’ and ‘cistrauma’ along with Everything Else in that tag. i feel like my brain has been turned to soup. maybe i am making it up maybe my dad didn’t actually molest me and im just insane idk but at least im not doing Whatever’s happening over there

i'unno about all that cuz my understanding of radqueer was that it was radical queer acceptance so they get a little wacky (said affectionately). im not really sure what that has to do with trauma but i dont wanna like, be a dick about it just cuz i don't understand it?

like i didnt understand ppl who said they were autism gender at first but i get it now. being autistic can really change how you think about gender since it's a social construct and you might just not Get Gender, to the point that it's inextricably linked with your self identity so its like. yeah your gender is autism. whatever.

i dunno what the trans or cis dichotomy has to do with trauma and my first instinct is to say hmmm that sounds.... not real.... but since i don't know what they're talking about and i don't care to learn i figure i'll just leave 'em to it. what does it matter to me so long as they're not making it my issue. i try not to commit to my knee jerk reactions of "that's stupid" cuz that's how you fall into reactionary thinking and at the end of the day it doesn't really bother me if people are fucking around doing shit i will never understand in parts of the internet i am not a part of.

anyway onto the important stuff:

if you can't tell if your dad molested you or not you've probably got *something* going on so I'd say don't freak out about if it Actually Happened or not and instead focus on attending to the emotions you have about it. to be blunt i don't really think it matters if it happened or not.

if you are "just insane" or you had a traumatic dream as a kid where your dad molested you and it effects you to this day then that's just as serious an issue to work on, at least it is to you personally. like if you had a delusion that your dad molested you that seems pretty traumatic regardless of what actually happened. idk if that makes sense?

ok i need to stop avoiding my homework. byeee.

[compacflt]

pre-publishing notes for slider (actually i meant to poast this yesterday i just forgor 💀), just to put them out there

as per usual i peddle an extreme amount of mis- and straight up disinformation about the aerospace & defense industries in this one. as a general rule of thumb if it sounds like i researched it poorly and/or made it up, that’s because i researched it poorly and/or made it up. like every scene i was like ‘that wouldn’t happen :D’ and wrote it anyway

this one-shot renders my third one-shot (about ice & hangman) entirely obsolete, as if the rooster one-shot didn’t already do that. so just ignore the hangman one. (i only wrote that one cause i felt bad about tagging my fics hangster when they’re barely in it.) Also, this one-shot kind of directly contradicts the end scene of “debriefing” in pretty much every way. i don’t really care, because this is a much stronger ending, but just throwing that out there—this one-shot doesn’t really jive with my other writing for plot/character arc reasons & im too lazy/sick and tired of my other writing to go back and retcon any of it

i only research things i am mandated to by school/a job/journalistic code of ethics, or that i think are interesting, or that i know will not depress me. divorce depresses me so i did not research divorce. Also im pretty sure marriage doesn’t work the way i described it “sign the papers & that’s it” but idgaf . shrug. im having fun

something i Didn’t make up, though: the thesis that iraq/afghanistan went so poorly in the long term partly because our armed services & especially that generation of commanding officers were prepared for total warfare with a near-peer (like the ussr) instead of counterinsurgency tactics against mountain-based guerrilla warfare-stratted forces (like Al-q*eda etc). that’s a very real thesis that ive read in multiple mil history books (“the generals,” ricks; “mil history for the modern strategist,” ohanlon) & co-opted because it’s kind of, in a fucked up way, a good metaphor for ice’s whole deal—he’d been expecting a traditional officer’s life with a woman etc (aka traditional warfare against the ussr, the us’ sworn enemy) and instead found happiness in the weirdest of places, another dude (aka guerrilla warfare) and no one taught him the right strategy for dealing with that; so, pigheadedly, like some US commands in the Middle East for a decade, he just dug in his heels & refused to budge/change his "total traditional war/heteronormative"-based strategy even if it obviously wasn’t working.

In a similar vein just so i can beat the allegations that im strategically dumb, the “strategies” against the ussr the boys are playing with in the usna section are intentionally the most dogshit strategies on earth. do not invade russia in a land war. especially not when nukes are on the table. the point is they’re ALL bad at strategy (strat as a metaphor for interpersonal communication).

i get the words “moderate” and “modulate” confused a lot. there’s a couple times in this one when I use moderate and mean modulate. Now it’s too late to edit it. by which i mean i am too lazy. editing anything on ao3 is a Sisyphean task. not worth it.

there's a lot to be said about my ice & maverick's respectability, which is to say, as slider points out, their life together is incredibly normie and boring and regular, except that they're two guys. like there's nothing super subversive going on here. "in the grand scheme of things is this really so bad?" is the question. politically this is a little funky. for metatextual character-arc reasons ice has to agree to an official marriage to prove that by the end he's not afraid to legally legitimize their relationship, but the heteroflexible/straight-passing/socially conservative ice & mav that I have written also probably aren't the kind of guys to acknowledge the struggle & strife & subversiveness of the queer community before them that fought for them to have that right. to quote from an essay by Lauren berlant & Michael Warner ("Sex in public"): "Respectable gays [ice & mav, distancing themselves from other gays] like to think that they owe nothing to the sexual subculture they think of as sleazy. But their success, their way of living, their political rights, and their very identities would never have been possible but for the existence of the public [visibly queer] sexual culture they now despise." just throwing that out there as something that is weighing on my mind having now finished writing this. I think that issue (ice & mav's relationship with/debt to the lgbt community) could be explored with a character like rooster, who might be much more a part of that struggle (especially pre-dadt-repeal)...but idk where or how I would write about it. just something to chew on. I keep finding different ways to politically interpret what I myself have already written which then keeps leading to more fucking one-shots. This slider one for instance was a reinterpretation from the 1980s Cold War politics lens of nuclear doomsday & how that affected a generation of men making shitty/suicidal decisions about their lives. an endless cycle for me. "just one more interpretation...i swear just one more..."

[dearweirdme]

one day I'll stop writing essays in your asks but your questions and the responses are always so interesting to me especially as a non taekooker! So here's another one,lol.

I always knew another member was coming to taes picnic. I knew for the same reason I wasnt surpised when 3 of the members performed at yoongis concerts.

BTS want to see army. That's their whole thing. If they can make time for it that's what they're going to do. I'll admit that I thought it was gonna be JK who came and I assumed it was going to be him up until I heard he left Korea again. Then I was pleasantly surprised when Jimin came.

Not to shade the person who is exhausted by the "vmin" soul mate thing but Jimin wasn't going to taes vicnic because of some elaborate ruse by hybe to push the soul mate narrative, like its not 2020. Nor do i think he was there to make it seem like their relationship is soooo strong.

I want to remind people this is the duo who people have joked about being divorced all year. They both have only recently started mentioning each other and hanging out so I definitely dont think they care about our perception of their closeness through a platonic soulmates lens.I think Jimin and taes friendship is beautiful and i think if youre lucky you'll have several playonic soul mates in your lifetime. I think thats what jimin and tae were/are saying when and if they still use that word about each other.

Its pretty obvious that Jimin was there, not for any elaborate narrative or as a flimsy substitute for Jk. Jimin came cause tae asked him too and beause Jimin enjoys seeing army. Its pretty in his nature to show up for his members and he misses army. He told us he did in his live less than 48 hours ago so why wouldn't he jump at the chance to see us/them?

As to why JK wasn't there its the same reason he didn't get on live for like a month. He had a schedule, he's very busy. And for any taekooker who worries or gets irrationaly annoyed by them not having as much time together, you should know that taekook is more used to each others schedules than any of us are. Im sure JK was worried about tae and missed him when tae was going non-stop as I'm sure tae is worried and missing JK now. But whatever you believe they're doing, jk not being there today doesn't change it and I'm sure he wish he could have been.

I dont see him not showing up as a grand scheme by the company to push any type of narrative but just obvious logistics. Frankly if JK was home and didn't have a schedule I think JK and Jimin both would have come.

((((And this is a bit of a tangent but regarding the idea that theres a fandom narrative that taekook isn't close, I personally am not a taekooker or a jikooker and have never seen that narrative in any of my fandom spaces. I don't think the majority of the Fandom outside of the straw lovers believes that at all, but i could be wrong. Now do I think there's a huge focus on their closeness, when it comes to marketing or pairing them up? No, lol.But if I'm in a queer relationship with my band mate and I'm not ready to be perceived by the public I would take there not being a huge focus or emphasis on my relationship as a blessing. Just a different perspective i thought id offer ,but I get pushing back on the narrative when you see it because honestly its annoying when anyone says two members arent close, but I will say ive never heard anyone say taekook isnt close personally.))

anyways that's my essay for the day and since I seem to be popping up here a lot I will sign off this time so in the future when i pop up you know it's me lol- BYM

Hi BYM-anon!

Sorry for being a bit late in responding!

I agree with most of your ask. I think the things we disagree on are that I think Tae and Jk are more to each other than friends, and I think a large portion of fandom actually does think Tae and Jk drifted apart between 2016 and 2020. I think most of fandom sees that they are close now, and have been for some years.. but there's still those (yes, probably Jkkrs mostly) that disagree.

I think in part the lack of Tkk footage is from allowing them privacy and safety. From Bighit's perspective, having an actual in band relationship must've been super unconvenient, no matter how they personally view queer relationships or Tae and Jk as persons, business wise it's seen as a risk. There's the risk of them breaking up, there's the risk of them having a rocky relationship with drama, there's the risk of them being distracted, there's the risk of discovery in a queer unfriendly country. So I think as soon as BH became aware, they introduced boundaries and rules Tae and Jk had to adhere to. Which isn't all too weird, because in 'normal' situations companies would also probably tell their dating coworkers to act professional. I think Tae and Jk, as well as the other members, do want their privacy. Was the intent from Bighit to protect them? No, I think they just want to protect their company. You can tell that at times Jk and Tae did not like the way they were treated.

How do Jk and Tae feel about the boundaries and rules they had to live by? Probably very conflicted. I think rationally they probably understood, but emotionally it was very hard and different situations probably came with varying feelings. There's so much to consider. There's the band as a whole, they wouldn't have wanted to put the other members' future at risk, they also wouldn't have wanted to put their own future at risk (though at some points they might've wondered if things were worth it). Keeping their relationship safe and hidden, was the safest way for them to carry on professionally and privately. But, being young and in love calls for feelings that are so strong.. they must've felt very frustrated at not being able to show that. I think they also felt the rules and boundaries were too strict, prohibiting them from even acting as close friends. Having to watch other members be close with your partner (having a full blown other ship to take root) while not being able to do much themselves. I think it truly hurt them.

We see a lot of "Jk is trying to hide" stuff, and I do think Jk is a bit more carefull (of sharing friendships and bonds in general), but when all you've ever known is to hide your relationship, that's what has become your safe place. I do believe Jk doesn't like the shippers comemnts in his lives, and justly so. It's people asking for information they have no right to.

Mentioning Tae and Jk in one sentence always comes with some tension.

[9w1ft]

ever since the jaylor break up, i've been seeing a lot of swifties become receptive to gaylorism subtly — for instance, they're more willing to accept when songs radiate queer vibes and they're hopping on the "boyfriend taylor" trend even though that's kind of our joke 🤣 as much as it annoys me a little to see swifties act like they're the pioneers of something us gaylors, kaylors, and related sub communities have come up for years now, i would hate to gatekeep it as that'd create an obstacle in their path to actual gaylorism, you know?

oh dear im sorry anon i went on a free-form tangent that i’m pretty sure isn’t aligned with your ask but i’m gonna keep it anyway because i wrote a lot 😆

i know what you mean about the attitudes and i do agree that sometimes it can feel annoying to see people lift things from tumblr, for example, and then these people get credited for the idea by their peers and they don’t correct or cite sources, which can be awkward

and sometimes i will see people reinvent the wheel when the answers are already available and written better here by all of us.. and i want to be like! come here!! there are some incredible things for you to find here!! you know? i know these feelings can often come off as gatekeeping, and, because i don’t really have any big issue with things spreading like folklore because that can become a haze to hide in, i do agree with you that it’s best not to try to micromanage things in general.

here’s the tangent… your ask made me think about how there were similar patterns to this in spring-early summer 2019, as lover promo was rolling out and it (the promo) was markedly optically gayer than rep. i remember seeing an incredible heel turn from some otherwise notoriously hostile swifties, where suddenly they were like yeah maybe taylor is bi, etc. i also remember there being a whole new generation of wide eyed gaylors on tumblr at the time—because taylor was still here—and so many were in my inbox and my friends inboxes asking and researching and it was all good and fun for the most part..

so i will say this from the perspective of someone that has experienced mass onboarding in the past and has seen how it can and cannot work

contemporarily speaking, kaylors can’t really gatekeep gaylorism. because we’re kinda already gatekept from gaylorism by Gaylorism tastemakers. lowercase g gaylorism exists in concept but i think that as it currently stands, it’s actually a pretty on-rails ride that is curated by some that would seek to influence their own worldview onto gaylorism subtly, that positions an onboarding to their benefit. and i don’t think it’s something always done with strategic intentions.. humans tend to want to tell and guide others to what they believe is right, and strive for an environment that works for them as opposed to against them, it’s human nature in a way.. still, Gaylorism presents gaylorism as something objective but, it’s actually done pretty subjectively, imo.

and i haven’t minded standing on the periphery as a kaylor because, one, i think that it’s better in some cases to gatekeep (or keep niche) parts of kaylor because, given it is true, taylor and karlie probably don’t want it going full-on mainstream. at least not right now. so i might see rumors or theories that make up stuff or use incorrect dates or just in general takes that feel so wrong and needing correction but i try to accept it existing as a way for lots of otherwise clever people to be distracted from seeing what kaylors see.

and also, i think it’s best for people interested in kaylor to come to conclusions on the basis of their own research, and at times be incorrect, yes, but for it to be first and foremost something people come to believe of their own volition. because if it’s directed under one tent pole then weird interpersonal dynamics can happen, as is the nature of fandom.. id rather a thousand people have all different slightly incorrect understandings of kaylor but an understanding that is unified by and grounded in love for taylor and karlie, than a thousand people have the same understanding of kaylor but for people’s feelings to be defined by one single source.

and separately, i worry about trying to make kaylor too approachable or to not gatekeep (maybe the word isn’t “not gatekeep” maybe the word is “overshare”) certain ideas because of the sensitivity of the subject matter. if kaylor gets too mainstream then you get a huge wave of people and statistically some of them will inevitably be people that are into kaylor not for the girls but because its the trendy thing to do. that can lead to a disconnect wherein people engage with kaylor as an endeavor for us to analyze and not an idea that is grounded in the lives of real people. and that disconnect can produce frenzied behavior…

sorry i don’t have a good way to tie these feelings together into one conclusion but basically, i don’t think we as kaylors can really gatekeep gaylorism but i think that’s fine and i also think that at times kaylor might benefit from holding back a little and maybe that difference is because of what each thing has as an end game, maybe. if that makes sense.. yeah.

i think what i mean to point out is, i think there has been an influx in people who see gaylorism as a concept without orchestrators, for better or for worse. the word gaylorism didn’t exist even three years ago, and nobody new seems to know why or think about it. for better or for worse.

[stormyoceans]

Hiiiii, i am curious to know what do you think the last twilight will tackle in regards to the characters of mork and day? and what is something you want to see?

[TAKES OUT HER MANIFESTATION LIST] SO HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU HAVE ANON

no im just kidding.. i mean not about my manifestation list that could take hours to go through, that's very real, but im not gonna keep you here for that long ;;;;;; anyway, if we're talking about overarching themes that i think are gonna be in the show, there are actually some recurring ones that p'aof likes to put in his series and that i am pretty sure he's going to further explore with day and mork, such as:

money and social class difference;

family conflict and emancipation;

failed dreams and trauma;

moving on from the past and embracing the future;

taking responsibility for your actions;

communication and self-expression;

the concept of home.

i could honestly spend hours talking about each and every one of these, how they were depicted in p'aof's other series and how i think we're gonna see them being portrayed in last twilight, but this would get way too long, so to try to sum it up i'll just say that most of these are built on dichotomies: past vs future, traditionalism vs modernity, societal expectations vs the concept of self, it's not just the main love interests coming from two different worlds and colliding with each other that bring these contrasts to the story, but it's every relationship between all the different characters. we know that mork and day meeting each other is gonna change their lives forever, the two of them embarking on a journey that will help them regain their self-confidence and faith in the future, but this will also force changes on everyone around them. it's hard to talk about this since we don't know much about mork, but one thing im sure we're gonna get, for example, is a major conflict between day and his family when it comes to his disability and what is best for him

i have yet to mention disability as one of the themes that the show is gonna explore because i think it kinda goes without saying, but at the same time i want to point out that, in particular, i feel like they're really gonna delve into what being a queer person with disability is like and the importance of having the support of a community. maybe it's just a coincidence, but i find it curious that during the pride event in this week's episode of be my favorite we got this particular shot:

not sure if the nod to last twilight is intentional or if im just delusional, but i do believe we're gonna get to see this in the show

ANYWAY. im rambling way too much and idk if any of this makes sense ;;;;;; as for something i want to see.. uuuhhhh [looks for something in her list that she hasn't talked about yet] i don't necessarily want mork to go back to school and gain a higher degree because while i think education is important im not the biggest fan of how a person's value is measured only by how 'book smart' they are, however i do want him to realize his own potential and for day to be the one to push him into dreaming and wanting something for himself again, even if it's just.. idk getting a bigger garage or changing career completely and opening a restaurant or whatever

[dyketennant]

im sure i've talked about this before on here, but in relation to the concert etiquette thing, i went to see [POPULAR LOCAL PUNK BAND THAT HAD SEVERAL SONGS BLOW UP ON QUEER/COSPLAY TIKTOK] and at the very front, right next to the massive speaker at this small bar venue, were two fourteen-year-olds. before that specific band came on the other person who was touring was doing his set, like. literally a couple feet away from these teens (it was a pretty low stage). definitely within sight, hell, within touching distance, and i hate to be all "these darn kids" but jesus christ. these fucking kids.

they literally spent his whole set dicking off. filming each other on their phone, giggling, texting their friends, taking selfies. hell, they did the macarena and laughed while this guy played a depressing ass song about the loss of a partner (up to interpretation how) again, right next to the stage where he could see them.

and then they were complaining about their ears and head hurting because, yknow, they were standing directly next to a giant speaker with no ear protection, and at that point i was just sad man. i was scared to point it out because yknow, theyre just kids, until one of my friends made a slight comment about it in the car on the way home, and all three of us proceeded to go off about it for the rest of the drive (which was very cathartic tbh, but doesn't make it any better).

i understand our individualistic society is all about making your concert experience "your own" but especially if it's at a smaller show (or at any show tbh but you know), they are human beings. they can see you. they can hear you. even if they're not who you came there to see (i.e. they're an opener or something) you should still give them your basic respect, because it's what you would want if you were performing songs that meant a lot to you and that you had likely spent hours practicing. it's just basic decency.

and if you know you're going to want to goof off and whisper to your friend/you get distracted easily...there's nothing wrong with hanging a little closer to the back. so you can enjoy the live music but not ruin others' experiences as much. really, the back of the crowd is not always as bad as people make it out to be, especially if you're not going to give the artists your attention anyways.

just a discouraging time to be an artist of any kind, man.

[honeyviscera]

i would like to hear the rant !!

ALRIGHT so. last summer im working for a summer camp, and in the training phase us staff members are all trying to get to know each other yknow and the higher-ups leading the training seminars and stuff are asking for us to go around and share names and pronouns. and see at the beginning of the summer i was like. trying to figure out what exactly is going on with my gender like. i know something's a bit off but im not sure how i want to express that, and like im also not super ready to share that with everyone.

and just in general, im not super loud about my queerness, and it's taken me a while to become even somewhat comfortable being out as queer irl. but anyways back to the story.

so at this point im like, to myself well, im still okay with she/her, and im not super ready to add they/them or anything like that, so i'll just say im ocean, she/her. (using ocean here in place of my real name, you get it.) anyways we were asked this in the morning, and i was fine saying it then. but then every time a new presenter for a new section of the training would come in, all of us would have to go around and introduce ourselves to them again. hi, im ocean, she/her. now im becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this, because i present pretty femme, i have a high voice, tits, all that, so i just know that the box im being put in by everyone when i, afab, say my pronouns are she/her, is "cis". i am being read as cis. and i have to repeat myself maybe five times in one day. but it gets worse.

now all of this comes to a head when the whole entire staff comes into our training area and. you know the icebreaker game that's like. everyone stands in a circle and says their name and what they're bringing to our imaginary "picnic" and the next person has to say everyone before and add their own? ie:

person 1: im sally and im bringing apples! person 2: that's sally and she's bringing apples, and im joe and im bringing bread. person 3: sally brings apples, joe brings bread, and i'm lily and im bringing pie 4: sally apples joe bread lily pie and im wally and im bringing juice

and so on all around the circle. the goal of this game is to get to know everyone's names. now we were going to do this, but somebody spoke up and suggested that instead of picnic offerings, we say our pronouns.

oh.

my.

god.

so i had to listen to everyone during that game (which we played TWICE bc the group was so large so we had to split into 2 groups and then switch) look me in the eyes and say ocean, she/her. over and over again. ocean. she/her. ocean. she/her. ocean. she/her. and i had to say ocean, she/her. so. many. times. that is definitely the most times i have ever had to say my pronouns in a single day ever.

see, i usually never experience dysphoria. im very comfortable with how i look, sound, dress, act, and present. like i am very comfortable with myself. dysphoria is not a thing i normally experience. but that day for the first time, having to say my pronouns over. and over. and over again i just. i felt so so viscerally wrong. i knew everyone was reading me as cis and i didn't want that.

and it didn't stop there bc the staff had a discord server to communicate over the summer about work related stuff, and the requirement was for you to put your server nickname as [name] [set of pronouns]. a month into looking at my name with she/her attached to it i got so fucking fed up that i changed it to she/they on impulse and that's how my summer job basically forced me to out myself before i was super ready.

dear fucking god. i know that sharing your pronouns is supposed to make spaces more welcoming, but all that this fucking did was make me feel violated and dysphoric, for the first time in my fucking life. i hate that i was required to share my pronouns and there were so many better ways to go about this. one of my coworkers and i were talking about this later in the summer (they also use she/they publicly) and she agreed with me that the "pronoun game" was horrible and that she was going to make a complaint about it bc it was so unnecessary.

AUGH.

[skrunksthatwunk]

if you could pick one non-kazumaji ship to make canon, what would it be?

ok, this answer is actually pretty easy for me despite literally never posting about them. it's saemaji for sure

they're wonderful. they're everything. they're the ideal for folks who wanna throw their partners around/be flung around by their partners (me). their story is insanely gorgeous and has so much potential. the longing for decades apart, the uncertainty of betrayal, the reuniting after 25 years only to be torn apart again, the trust, the familiarity, and yet the pain over never being quite what they used to be, of missing so much. "we used to burn so damn bright" like. AUGH. im a real sucker for relationships with Context (i.e. they knew each other when they were younger and/or there's a long gap of separation in the relationship) and boy do they have it. and there's before the ueno seiwa hit, there's after when they're living in separate hells, theres post prison break where majima prepares to have his kyodai rip his head off, has been waiting for 25 years, and he doesn't, etc. like they have phases that are all just. mwah. if they were canon in a way that negated kazumaji somehow (i.e. "majima can't be with kiryu bc he's waiting for saejima 🥺🥺🥺") even if the logic wasn't that sound (polycule! polycule! polycule!) i would accept it completely and say thank you. they're incredible. i love kazumaji but saemaji is similarly powerful in ways not reflected in fan approach and content and that genuinely surprises me.

i also think they would be the most insane and potentially positive in terms of queer rep (the only het ship I really considered was akihana). putting the minedai fans (me) to rest by confirming it completely is also tempting, but like. they're close enough to me. i don't want to waste my wish on a relationship that's getting gay buried anyway. i like ichi's relationships but none enough to rival saemaji. i like saebaba but baba hasn't been brought back yet and i don't think he will in any major way. meanwhile saejima and majima keep coming back stronger and stronger and gayer every game and they're practically inseparable at this point they're married. they're larger than life and impossible to ignore and have so much to dig into and i think it would be good for them for me and for all of us thank you

[hell0mega]

a newer friend of mine, who is trans and talks a lot, asked what gender people i don't know assume i am. i pretty confidently said, well, if they're queer, sometimes they just ask my pronouns, but normies just think im a woman

she seemed genuinely surprised and said if she hadn't have asked my pronouns when we met, she would've defaulted to they/them anyway. "you look very androgynous" she said.

i appreciated the sentiment but im not sure if i really believed her lol. she's not one to lie, but still. all my life i've had this weird form of dysphoria where i never felt enough like a girl. but it felt like i couldn't be. i wasn't a girl, enough. being girly felt like i was pretending. but i didn't want to be a boy, or even really boyish, either. i liked certain feminine things, and certain masculine things. i took "where on the gender spectrum are you" tests throughout high school and always landed right smack dab in the middle every time.

i've almost always wanted to be androgynous. and before i knew what that was, i wished i could turn "back and forth" between the "two." but i was a girl, right? girls looked like girls. so i tried to look like a girl. and it felt like i was faking. i didn't want to dress like a boy, though, either. i shopped in the boys section on and off, mostly for shirts, out of comfort (and interest. the girls section didn't have charlie the unicorn shirts) but i didn't want to be a boy. boys were dumb. i WANTED to be a girl. why couldn't i just be a girl? everyone says i am, and that's cool, cuz girls are cool. wish i could be one.

nowadays im firmly nonbinary genderfluid-y and worry about what other people think of my gender presentation WAY LESS than i used to. i have a lot more to worry about as a 27 year old adult, and being surrounded by queer friends and community helps a lot. but, i don't know. that comment brought up a lot of... thoughts. a lot of memories. a lot of feelings i don't think ive ever processed.

ive been not a girl my whole life. and that's okay.

[swaggy-pregnant-elf-man]

I posted 2,985 times in 2022

That's 1,767 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (1%)

2,962 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@elytrians

@thekidsfromyestergay

@cttrajan1206

@discardedcandywrapper

@greenbeany

I tagged 1,232 of my posts in 2022

#mcr - 290 posts

#ofmd - 79 posts

#art - 65 posts

#toh - 41 posts

#birds - 21 posts

#tiktok - 18 posts

#lol - 15 posts

#lmao - 14 posts

#fuck capitalism - 14 posts

#prev tags - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 74 characters

#🦀🦀🦀😁🦀😁😁😁😁😁😁🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀😁😁🦀🦀😩🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

HELP ITS ME SUMI

The londoner in ur birmie squad sjdhhdf

i am so sorry bro i dont think i am who u think i am 😭😭

8 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

#4

aras have you seen the Joan of Arc outfit yet

I HAVE NOW KSKDKLEODJ DKDOEOL I AM GOING RVEN MORE INSANE GOING TO WATCH THE STREAM NOW

10 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#3

3000 posts!

ashamed 😔

16 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#2

clownwife

19 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I love the energy and all and I don’t want to offend but as a Muslim girl i can tell you that it is literally haram to identify as anything other than your god given gender. Like I’m not trying to be rude and I’m glad that there a respectful supportive people out there but if you’re looking at the Quran and other islamic book you’ll find stories about how its considered haram. Accepting the islam religion means accepting everything and dedicating yourself to it you can’t just pick and choose.

omg my first anon hate hahaha

i know im not obligated to answer hate but im going to anyway bcuz of i have things to say (sparkle emoji) (im on pc and dont have the energy to find an emoji keyboard)

okay first of all nowhere did i say that I identify as Muslim. i get that it was ambiguous tho so its cool. to clarify,, I am personally not Muslim but I kind of have to act like one so I don't get kicked to the streets or some shit lol and maybe I'm a bit of a coward idkkk but anyways

I would be interested to know what other Islamic books ur talking about btw, but I'm pretty sure the quran doesn't mention being trans anywhere at all. in fact I'm pretty certain, I've read it multiple times with translation and commentary interpretations and anyway being trans wasn't really a 'known' thing back then? bcuz obviously patriarchy and gender roles n segregation blah blah was wayyyy more yk. shit I forgot the word. uhhh yk like prevalent?? ofc the quran does mention a shitton about gender roles,, so yk men r the breadwinners, women raise the kids and keep house and be good wives etc. and also remember the big important fact:: GENDER AND SEX R DIFFERENT THINGS!!! meaning technically u cant be 'born' a gender (omfg my keyboard hates me imagine a question mark here) ur born with certain genitals and society assigns u a gender based on that . sounds a bit fucked when u put it like that actually but anyway back when the quran was being revealed this wasn't a known thing cuz yk they didn't have studies on this stuff,, and yea ur probably gonna say 'but the quran came from allah and he knows everything' well the fact of the matter is he either forgot or smth idk I don't speak for God but trans people definitely exist that's a fact we know so yeah. oh I should come back to my point which was, even with the quran saying those things about what ur supposed to do based on whats in ur pants which is crazy outdated anyway it doesn't take gender ≠ sex into consideration either soo ye that's the most it could've said about being trans and that not very valid anymore rip and that's not even mentioning non-binary people

and anyway Islam is literally all about acceptance and respect and everything so idk it would probably be better if u didn't go around telling ppl they're 'literally haram' for being trans or gay or any typa queer bcuz its literally not our choice (insert question marks) believe me I would fucking love to be comfortable in my 'female' body but I cant no matter how much I try to force myself so I'm sorry dude. no one would choose to be stuck in a situation like this. personally, I believe Islam needs a super massive reformation. well not Islam exactly, but a lot of things said in the quran r outdated wildly now, while a lot of it will also always be relevant, eg. everyone being equal and yk give to the poor etc. i have absolutely nothing against Muslims (I have it against my family for being so forceful about religion - different thing) yall r super cool and ik being a Muslim girl isn't easy believe me, but genuinely seeing Muslim people around and yk, just existing in wider society outside of Islamic spaces makes me feel so proud of where I came from even if its not been the best experience. have u seen the show We are Lady Parts (question mark) its about an all female Muslim punk band and there's only six episodes I literally watched it all today but the message of it is what I'm trying to get to you. u don't have to be the perfect pious wife to be considered a 'good Muslim',, there are so many ways u can show faith. you don't have to be a big strong man who can handle all pain with ease while single-handedly providing for a family either.

anyways peace out that sure was a journey lol and I definitely have forgot some of the things I wanted to say but yea that's all don't forget to like and subscribe <3

(colours r to make it easier to read for people with shorter attention spans,, they don't have any other significance)

36 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[aceofshitposts]

hi um. how did you come out as agender to people in real life? I think I might be bisexual and I kind of want to tell a few people close to me, but im not really sure how. I hope this isn’t too personal and you obviously don’t have to answer but I figured I’d ask anyway. thanks so much, love your blog 🥰🥰💖💖

oh this is kinda a hard one cuz for the most part i didn't really 'come out' to people. i'm lucky in that i'm surrounded by queer people and live in a place that is extremely queer friendly so honestly it was more like telling people the sky was blue. so asking my friends to change the name they used for me or the pronouns was really easy.

as for other people well, honestly, i'm not really... out. i'm also not... not out. like i don't think it's not fairly obvious i must be queer but as some of my friends pointed out the way i present can easily fall into manic pixie dream girl too so! depends on people's perception. but i haven't told my immediate family i changed my name, for example. my dad (despite knowing) still uses my deadname. and like... listen, this kind of thing bothers some people and that's absolutely valid.

but i am not that way. my gender and sexuality is pretty much the only thing i'm 100% confident in without outside validation. is it nice when people make the effort to use the correct pronouns/name? of course. and there are certainly people i expect that from but. my family? i don't. either because i don't see them enough or they're close minded in a way i don't feel like dealing with or they're my dad who has White Man syndrome and just. not worth it imo LMAO

anyway. the point is. coming out is all very personal. there's always gonna be people who think they know you better than you know yourself and it's up to you how comfortable you are fighting them on that. BUT that being said, a lot of people might surprise you with how chill they are.

the best way to do it, if you want to and are safe to do so, is to just do it. say hey, i think i'm bisexual and i wanted you to know about this part of myself. and then whatever happens... happens. hopefully they're chill! and if they aren't i would personally suggest simply saying you don't want to debate or be convinced and you can leave that conversation.

but. yeah. if you want to do it then really just go for it. it doesn't have to be complex, you just gotta find the strength to do it. and if that takes you a long time, that's fine too. there's no rush. if you decide you never want to? also fine. nobody's entitled to that information.

[bonetrousle]

ok officially asking you what's up with the published drarry fanfic with the numbers filed off

Okay sorry it took me a while to get to this I had to. sleep etc. I'm making this post non-rebloggable bc im 99% sure the author has a tumblr and I don't necessarily want them to see me slagging their book off LMAO. under the cut bc its pretty long

Ok so my partner tumblr user tackythor went to the bookstore. To get some books. As one does. And someone working there was giving her recs including this book. She gave kind of an inaccurate description of it too by the sounds of things? So anyway she brings some books home including this one and I'm reading the blurb which is like "two boys who hate each other fall in love at a magic school in new zealand!!" im like ok. sounds bad but i wont say anything bc i dont want to be a dick. I read the first page and am like ok yeah this is NOT for me.

So tumblr user tackythor reads some of this book and im like ok how's it going?? She's trying to figure out how to explain it and goes ok so it's like the characters are basically Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. That's when the PENNY DROPS and she's like oh my god that's. that's LITERALLY what it is. So me being nosy I rifle through the book and find thank you's/acknowledgements to people on tumblr and ao3. It's all starting to make SENSE. Anyway a real quick google of the books title will rapidly find you the title of the og fanfiction AND a pdf of the (now deleted) fanfiction which I obviously immediately downloaded and read so I could compare the two.

ANYWAY, the book isn't great, because none of the characters really have a personality. This is because you are expected to already know who they are. Because they are harry potter characters with established personalities and backstories. None of these made it in to the book however. Ron and Hermione have been genderswapped to make it less obvious that they're Ron and Hermione. The Harry character is a real cranky dick a lot of the time, which makes sense if you realise he's Harry and has gone through a lot of trauma, but makes less sense for someone who's Literally Just Some Guy at a School. There are also no descriptions of the school beyond "there are no windows and it's grey and depressing". There are also no visual descriptions of any of the characters save Harry and Draco. There's also a lot of weird... sexism? and other isms? in the og fanfiction, most of which has been thankfully edited out, but occasionally some weird stuff filters it's way through (can't think of any examples off the top of my head rn, a lot of kinda strangely rigid gender stuff for the most part.) the general premise is they have to raise fake egg babies for a class assignment which is how Harry and Draco get together because they partner up to get back at their exes and I guess.. pretend flirt in the process? In the book it's not really clear why they don't like each other. They just sort of.... don't. Draco isn't a wizard racist but just a rich guy from a big city who pulled a couple of pranks on Harry or something. Again, not quite on the same level of trying to murder the headmaster etc etc but WHATEVS.

This book won an award which is how it got published. I think the fact that it's a queer novel set in nz with a POC as the main character and an indigenous magic system means that people sort of focused in on that, and thought it was a unique premise for a book and glossed over the fact that it is not super well written and the plot is very, very thin, because it is of course mostly a vehicle for drarry sex. (which has been edited out but the book is still fairly adult for a YA novel). Clearly the people running the award had no clue??? There are some nuggets of interesting stuff in there such as the system of magic but again, these are a bit of loose world building that aren't fully fleshed out. I could GO ON but I'd need to do another rifle through the book/have another discussion with tumblr user tackythor to refresh my memory about some of the finer details of the book lmfao. Anyway everyone's giving it really good ratings and reviews and it JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME but I don't really read YA so who the fuck knows. Maybe it's good in the YA world. I find that difficult to believe though. The editing really improved the book though. Like by a LOT. But where it struggles is in the lack of fleshed out ANYTHING.

I've avoided mentioning the title so far bc i dont want this coming up in the search results for the book LOL so I’ll mention it in another post. yes im paranoid what about it