#anyways the plot is that the king gets sick and dies but someone brings him back to life as a zombie and it causes a zombie outbreak

[memecatwings]

btw if anyones looking for a tv show rec Kingdom on netflix is one of my faves rn its a historical kdrama zombie horror and it has 2 seasons plus a movie :3

[amateur-author597]

SERIOUS RISE OF THE TITANS SPOILERS

BUT I NEED TO RANT

SPOILERS ARE UNDER THE CUT I PROMISE

I STARTED ROTT TEN MINUTES AFTER IT CAME OUT AT 5:01 PM AEST AND FINISHED ROTT AT ROUGHLY 10 TO 7

I FINISHED THE MOVIE AND SAW 8 SPOILER POSTS WITHIN 2 MINUTES ON TUMBLR

PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS AND PUT ALL SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT FOR YOUR POSTS AND TAG THEM PROPERLY

FIRST OFF

Everyone who said Blinky would die because of"and blinky" in the trailer

Fuck you

It was very fair but still I was so scared

Same to if those who said Archie died because he wasn't in the trailer

Again fair but I was terrified and anxious as hell

My heart could not have handled if he died or Douxie's grief but I'm still upset about what actually happened

And I wish Zoe showed up so they could give her some characterization

We find out she's known Douxie and been friends with him for over 900 years but she doesn't help with the Arcane Order?

And none of the hedge witches show up to help fight them to defend their home?!?!?!

SECOND!!! THE TRAIN SCENE!!!

YES

LOVED IT

GREAT

Jim you stupid string bean, I love you though

Claire, good job, that was some hard magic

Toby, go duke!

Douxie my husband, YAAASS QUEEN, GET IT BABY

The Police Station

It was so funny

Everything about it I loved

Douxari confusing the officers and being neutrally chaotic

Claire trying to be tough and silent

Toby spilling ALL the tea and the officers not believing him

Archie just being Archie and enjoying the confusion of the humans

KREL SHOWING UP WITH RICKY AND LUCY

YES

OMFG

Keep casually listing just about every spy agency in order

and then just

"And your mum"

What a legend

Literal King 👑

Honestly

Walter and Barbara

Them being engaged and happy

Y E S

Jim being best man

Y E S

Walter DYING before they could get married

N O

H E L L N O

ELI GREW UP!!!!!

MPREG STEVE

Very unpopular opinion

I loved it, so fucking funny

I don't even like mpreg normally

But I loved it as a random side plot cause they probably couldn't find an import part for every character and still give them their deserved screen time

Also, funny!

Krel was way too smug explaining to Steve that he would be pregnant, not Aja

You know how we as a fandom have all decided Krel is Aro/Ace icon or at least Aro spec and/or grey ace (something like that) I have no problem with this and love it, it makes me feel very validated, but what Krel just doesn't want kids and decided it's easier to not have romantic relationships, that's also a legitimate thing a lot of woman do

Does that mean gay guys can have biological kids on Akiridion 5?

BACK TO STEVE

I wish there was a bit where Steve called Lawrence on the phone calling him "dad" or "coach dad" and being like "Hey, I know you're probably busy, you're at school but I'm seriously freaking out and I need your help or advice" and explaining the whole Akiridion pregnancy and Coach just reassuring him gently and telling him that he and Steve's mum would support him and he wasn't alone and they weren't mad at him.

Douxie figuring out the sigil

Good job baby! Smart boy! I am very proud

You very smart

The Order bringing the Titans with Nari mind controlled

😬

That's all

Numora dying

Why! It's was so unnecessary!

I don't necessarily love her by any means

But still!

Dndndbebhsvehehrdidjbdisbeurbvtisjbsgsneosbsyneyjsosnsjdbdynsvsidbfindbzhndhdushdhushdbudhnm

*key spams in frustration*

This began much irritation that just increased

THE BRIDGE

ARCHIE LEFT DOUXIE HIS LONG LIFE FRIEND AND PLATONIC SOULMATE (NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME THAT NOT JOW FAMILIARS WORK IDC)

YES HE WAS STAYING WITH HIS DAD AND I RESPECT THAT

BUT GODDAMN IT CHARLIE

CHARLEMAGNE COULD HAVE JUST LIT THE TROLLS FOLLOWING THEM ON FIRE AND THEN FLOWN OUT

THE PORTAL WOULD HAVE CLOSED AT THE SAME TIME

OR THEY COULD HAVE FREED THE TROLLS

EITHER WAY

THEY COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT

WTF HAPPENED THE WHOLE FOUND FAMILY THING THEH WERE PUSHING IN WIZARDS

WHY PUSH A GRIEVING DOUXIE TO ESSENTIALLY GET OVER IT AND ACCEPT ARCHIE AS HIS FAMILY CUZ HE WAS ALWAYS THERE JUST TO GET RID OF ARCHIE ANYWAY

DOUXIE WOULD HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM AGAIN

HE WOULD HAVE JUST SEEN "TELL DOUXIE I SAID GOODBYE" IN THE KRONOSPHERE AS HIS LAST MEMORY OF HIM

*INCREASING FRUSTRATION*

"No More Running"DOUXIE ALMOST DIED BRINGING NARI BACK

I KNEW HE WOULDNT DIE BUT I WAS STILL SCARED

I was sad

NARI AND SKRAEL'S BATTLE WAS PERFECT

CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE I WAS NOT PLEASED WITH NARI DYING

NOR DOUXIE BEING HELD BACK ONCE AGAIN FROM SAVING A LOVED ONE

"Nor more running"

Simple line

Sweet

Shattered me and my very being THE SWITCHING SPELL

AMAZING.YES.ILOVEDIT.

DOUXIE YOU SMART BRILLIANT BOY I AM SO FUCKING PROUD

Douxari was so chaotic and funny and pure in a very weird way

I was sad that THAT screenshot of Douxie and Archie wasn't actually Archie because he looked so happy chddling his familiar but it was still cute

Narxie was so fucking sarcastic when the Arcane Order realized the spell didn't work and I live for it

Walter and Barbara

Them being engaged and happy

Y E S

Jim being best man

Y E S

Walter DYING before they could get married

N O

H E L L N O

ELI GREW UP!!!!!

MPREG STEVE

I loved it, so fucking funny

Krel was way too smug explaining to Steve that he would be pregnant, not Aja

You know how we as a fandom have all decided Krel is Aro/Ace icon or at least Aro spec and/or grey ace (something like that) I have no problem with this and love it, it makes me feel very validated, but what Krel just doesn't want kids and decided it's easier to not have romantic relationships, that's also a legitimate thing a lot of woman do

Does that mean gay guys can have biological kids on Akiridion 5?

BACK TO STEVE

I wish there was a bit where Steve called Lawrence on the phone calling him "dad" or "coach dad" and being like "Hey, I know you're probably busy, you're at school but I'm seriously freaking out and I need your help or advice" and explaining the whole Akiridion pregnancy and Coach just reassuring him gently and telling him that he and Steve's mum would support him and he wasn't alone and they weren't mad at him.

Douxie figuring out the sigil

Good job baby! Smart boy! I am very proud

You very smart

The Order bringing the Titans with Nari mind controlled

😬

That's all

Numora dying

Why! It's was so unnecessary!

Dndndbebhsve hehr didjbdisbeurbvtisjbsgsneosbsyneyjsosnsjdbdynsvsidbfindbzhndhdushdhushdbud

*key spams in frustration*

THE BRIDGE

ARCHIE LEFT DOUXIE HIS LONG LIFE FRIEND AND PLATONIC SOULMATE (NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME THAT NOT JOW FAMILIARS WORK IDC)

YES HE WAS STAYING WITH HIS DAD AND I RESPECT THAT

BUT GODDAMN IT CHARLIE

CHARLEMAGNE COULD HAVE JUST LIT THE TROLLS FOLLOWING THEM ON FIRE AND THEN FLOWN OUT

THE PORTAL WOULD HAVE CLOSED AT THE SAME TIME

OR THEY COULD HAVE FREED THE TROLLS

EITHER WAY

THEY COULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT

Titan Nari

I was so scared when Douxie nearly passes out from lack of oxygen trying to save her

Claire did a great job and I like her but I feel like they're overpowering her without developing her

Nari and Skrael's battle was a cinematic masterpiece

Coach Lawrence seriously needs a break

NARI DYING WAS UNACCEPTABLE

DOUXIE BEING HELD BACK FROM HELPING HER WAS UNACCEPTABLE

"No more running" destroyed me

I AM STILL NOT OK

I DON'T THINK I EVER WILL BE

The 9th configuration

FOUND. FAMILY. CENTRAL.

I'M THE CHOSEN ONE BUT I CAN'T DO IT ALONE

YES

The Final Battle

I don't even know what to say

Aja. QUEEN.

RIP Varvatos

Rip Douxie that fall would have really fucking hurt

He definitely had broken ribs from that

I'm surprised he could walk after even while being supported against someone else to stand

Jim should have just stabbed Bellroc instead of talking

Jim should not have been able to walk and run perfectly fine after being stabbed even with all the adrenaline

Toby WTF MAN

GOOD JOB BUT FUCKING HELL

I LEGIT CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW IT HAPPENED

THE MOVIE CAME OUT 4 DAYS AGO (IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO WRITE THE RANT DONT JUDGE) AND I'VE WATCHED IT 5 TIMES AND I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED IT EACH TIME

HOW DID TOBY CRASH?!?!

ANYWAY

TOBY DYING WAS NOT ACCEPTABLE

JIM SCREAMING OUT HIS NAME AS SOON AS HE REALIZED TOBY WASNT THERE

BLINKY AND ARGH LOOK OF PANIC AND WORRY CUZ THEY REALIZED TOBY DIDNT COME BACK WITH JIM

DOUXIE REALIZING HE FAILED TO PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE IMPORTANT TO HIM (EVEN IF HE DOESNT HAVE MUCH OF AN ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP WITH TOBY, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HE DIDN'T ADOPT THEM ALL AS HIS YOUNGER SIBLINGS)

"Always was, always will be" hurt my entire soul

The Time stone

This frustrated me so much it took me 3 days to write just this bit

Go back in time and save everyone?

Yes! Awesome!

Go back to the start the start

No

Also, I love and adore Toby

BUT IT MAKES NO SENSE

JIM GIVING THE AMULET AND RESPONSIBILITIES AWAY WHEN HE HAS 2 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE AND KNOWS ALL OF HIS MISTAKES AND HOW TO FIX THEM

WTF

AS I SAID I LOVE TOBY AND I LIKE HIM ACHIEVING STUFF

BUT HES NOT TREATED AS BADLY AS THE FANDOM ACTS LIKE HE IS

AND LOGICALLY JIM MADE A STUPID DECISION CONSIDERING WHAT HE KNOWS

I get that he was tired of being the trollhunter

Largely because he was tired of not thinking he would do a good enough job

But odds are Toby will make some of the same mistakes and they'll be right back in that same position except maybe Claire will die that time around

And if you're sick of the trauma and responsibility of it than why would you dump it on your best friend

Once again I say, it was an illogical and dumb decision

I WILL BE RUNNING TO FANFICTIONS TO ESCAPE THIS CANON

[stray-tori]

Heaven Official’s Blessing | Live comments compilation

eyy, I finally finished it. I won’t talk about plot too much because I don’t trust my brain to remember it correctly and I watched it in very spread out sessions dshsj-

I really liked it though I don’t follow all the heaven politics at all dshsj- too many names, too small brain.

.

Reactions

Randomly decided to continue heaven official's blessing bc i was bored.  The op is so damn soothing and pretty i still can't.

I also forgot so many details probably but I'm too lazy to rewatch the episodes I've already seen so. Here i go.

It's kinda funny how this whole meeting call of gods is like "yeah that guy is dangerous, the butterflies are a bad sign" Meanwhile mc is like huh i thought they were adorable

Okay why did i stop exactly where it gets REALLY gay okay then me

Alright then friend

Also bilibili subs are so small pls save me

I feel like the dynamic is kinda sassy but it's kinda like... It's still kind of calm in it's portrayal which is interesting. 

Idk how to explain it but sth about it just rly calm and sort of peaceful pshhh so i need more braincells to pick up on the low-key sass and witty banter.

Maybe it's also me not being as used to chinese and that's why hmm Chinese is growing on me tho it's so pretty

[the bilibili subs]'re on Funimation too, also?? Funimation didn't even make their own subs good job guys. I could literally watch this on bilibili too wheeze

Okay main guy has been interrupted twice when he was gonna say sth about himself stop

Also intense staring intensifies goddamn

They keep glancing at each other intensely guys stop.

This is wild

I'm enjoying it but I'm just very sjdhdhdh

...

I feel like there's intense staring every like 2 minutes like y'all pretty i get it but pls my gay goggles might overheat here.

[someone else:] I can just imagine them staring at each other in a gay way and then there's Tori squinting at the subtitles

Mc is big brain he's like "there's no way a ghost could fabricate a human body well. Give me your hand, I'll tell you your fortune." *proceeds to inspect hand* "let me brush your hair!" his hair would surely give him away *proceeds to lean in close* "Are you really fixing my hair or trying to do something else?" sahjs

Also ma ghost man rly made a door for their home so that he wouldn't use talismans on the entry. What a guy.

This guy is so offended at them living together oh jeez sjdhdj

Also great line.

A classic

So much food. Only so.much digestion i can do

He do be smug.

Stop it with the gayzes jesus-

I mean don't stop but holy hell

No wonder these two guys wanna out him as a ghost king, they're just sick of you two not getting a room shdhd

I mean don't stop but holy hell

No wonder these two guys wanna out him as a ghost king, they're just sick of you two not getting a room shdhd

...

Wow. He just tripped into him. I'm not used to food every 2 seconds pls my heart

Casually putting the robe back on your companion, then he catches your hat before it yeets away

Everyday things.

I-

DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE MINDS-

I can’t-

[someone else:] What are they even doing for all this gay to happen in such little time 

You see, they really hit it off. 

But i don't know and I kinda don't want this to end bc it's just... So charged sjsjsj

Snake bite treatment bc of course 

Dramatic name calling and self-sacrifice. The food is real with this one Hahahaha immediately following into the cliff

Carrying bridal style while fighting, okay then 

Also HHhH they revealed something in hindsight and now I'm emotional. So: at some point they read the tombstone of a general, and how he died, and the travellers that were with them laughed. And black hair said that it'd bring luck to bow before it 3 times, so they did. Brown hair asked if that was rly on there and he replied "they made fun of it so we can have some fun too". And it just now got revealed that that general was actually brown hair and I'm just :((( he probably knew bc he's so knowledgeable about everything and he protecc. Big emotion.

And if not it’s just even sweeter in hindsight, anyway sdhjds

...

Why do they keep leaning into each other while gayzing. Like ik it probably won’t commit to it fully/obviously but JESUS The description even calls it an affair WHAT I-is anyone actually believing this is not gay- it's impossible right im-

They are just actually flirting Jesus Christ

He literally just said "so you were the bridegroom on Mt. (Sth)" ":)" "I mean. You pretended to be" "I didn't pretend." "So why were you there?" "Two options. 1)" LEANS OVER HIS SHOULDER "for you. Or 2) i have a lot of time to kill"

THEY EVEN HAVE THE "TITLE OTHER PEOPLE CALL ME BIT WHEN YOU DO IT ITS SPECIAL" TROPE HELP

[someone else:] How can we speedrun every romance trope

I also think it’s hilarious that priest girl basically went “ok this is too flirty, let me out of here” in the special dshdsj

Ehehe welp there's a ring

Okay that was neat. Now to wait for s2

.

BONUS:

IT WAS ON NETFLIX THE ENTIRE TIME im dumb oh well.

[weebrecs]

Recommended Romance Anime Part 2

Hi Everyone, Someone messaged me asking for straight romance anime recommendations. I already made one list here: (https://weebrecs.tumblr.com/post/157666048002/recommended-romance-anime) and I have included more below. The ones with the *** are movies. I hope you enjoy!!

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (9/10) Chiyo is the definition of adorable and loveable, at least for everyone except for the person that she likes. Nozaki is oblivious to the world around him and most of all Chiyo’s interest in him. However, Nozaki’s distance is due to him actually being a respectable shoujo mangaka. In her efforts to win his heart Chiyo finds herself acting as Nozaki’s assistant. Together they undergo hilarious situations and act out possible scenarios for Nozaki’s manga. Nozaki asks Chiyo to help him with brainstorming situations for his romance manga and Chiyo swoons just like the protagonist of the manga, and Nozaki starts wondering where the manga ends and true love begins. It is a great show to watch and has interesting character development as Chiyo goes from a girl that has a simple crush to a girl with real reason and purpose. Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life, School Life

Lovely Complex (8/10) If you love height differences then this is the show for you. Meet Koizumi who is much taller than the average girl and Ootani who is much shorter than the average guy. They are known as a Comedy Duo and they are constantly play tricks or making gags at the other’s expense. However, they soon learn that they have more in common then they first realized when their crushes end up falling for each other. Then as soon as they both start to realize that they might be falling for each other too the question of their mismatched heights comes up.  Romance, Comedy, Height difference

Ouran High School Host Club (8/10) Haruhi is an insanely bright and gifted girl that just wants some peace and quiet. She sneaks into a music room to get alone and stumbles into the school’s host club. Frantically she tries to remove herself from the situation and shatters an expensive vase. Since she’s a scholarship student without a lot of money she doesn’t know how she’ll pay to replace the vase. However, the host club has an option for her. Join Haruhi as she meets a delight cast of male hosts that slowly find themselves changing due to Haruhi’s influence. Haruhi starts to learn about life outside of books and the boys learn to love someone. I love how relaxed this show is at times and how crazy the characters and situations are. Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life, School Life

Skip Beat (9/10) Kyouko is willing to bend over backwards to help her childhood friend, Shou, in his dreams of becoming famous. Out of the goodness of her heart she helps him basically live his life. She thinks that they are perfect together then everything changes when she over hears him telling someone that Kyouko is like is his servant. Furious Kyouko stops supporting him and decides that if she built him to become a famous celebrity then she could do it for herself too. As she grows she meets someone that can help her not only gain her revenge on Shou but someone that might actually treat her right. This is an encouraging love story that shows that people that love you can bring out the best in you Romance, Comedy, Show Business, Revenge

Akagami no Shirayuki-hime (8/10) This is a modern retelling of Snow White, but this time with a twist: she has red hair. There are two season of this anime and if you love romance animes with a dash of adventure you’ll love this one. Shirayuki is a skilled herbalist who is noticed by a prince. Terrified that she’ll live a kept life she escapes and is rescued by Zen (who is adorable and perfect…goodness I love him!). Zen brings her to his castle and their life begins. Slowly friendship turns into romance. Romance, Adventure

Akatsuki no Yona (9/10) When I first read the synopsis of this I thought it was going to be one of those off animes that wouldn’t win me over, but I was wrong. This show introduces Yona who is the princess of a well off kingdom, but when the King is betrayed by Yona’s cousin Yona must act swiftly. She escapes danger with her bodyguard Hak (I think you mean Hunk—sorry lol). Together they team up to save Yona’s kingdom. Action, Adventure, Reverse Harem, Romance

Ao Haru Ride (8/10) After risking everything for a boy she met in a rain shelter, Futaba is ready to turn her life around in high school. She is determined to have friends and be liked by everyone. Her plan is foolproof until the boy she met returns and so do her feelings for him. However, he is different from the boy that had betrayed Futaba in the past. Together they need to learn more about themselves and each other. This show is emotional and shows the sacrifices we all make for those we love. School Life, Blooming Romance

Fruits Basket (9/10) This show has recently been rebooted and is expecting a second season. It tells the story of Honda who has lost her mother in an accident and goes to live with her grandfather. However, as renovations are being done at her house she lies to her grandfather and tells him that she’s going to live with a friend. When she is actually pitching a tent in the woods. The esteemed Souma family actually owns the woods that Honda hides in and the prince of the school Yuki Souma invites Honda to stay in his house, but the Souma’s have a secret. They are possessed by the Chinese Zodiac spirits, and will turn into their respective animals if they’re hugged by the opposite gender. This series is adorable and super fun to watch. The characters are all special in their own way. Comedy, Zodiac, Mystery, School Life, Supernatural, Romance

***Hotarubi no Mori e (10/10) I love this movie it is so beautiful. Hotaru has been fond of the mysterious tale of the mountain god since she was six and after she loses her way in the mountain forest, she stumbles into a masked spirit named Gin. Together they begin their unlikely friendship. Gin informs Hotaru that they can play together as long as she doesn’t get too close. They start to spend every summer together and Hotaru helps Gin learn what is means to be human and love someone. Soon they find that the distance that they are keeping between them is slowly shrinking. This movie is epically beautiful, romantic, and heart wrenching. Spirit, Supernatural, Romance

Ore Monogatari!! (10/10) Are you sick of the romance animes filled with beautiful girls and handsome princes? Well then it’s time to watch Ore Monogatari staring an unlikely anime pairing: Takeo Gouda and Rinko Yamato. Yamato is the definition of adorable and angelic; while Takeo struggles with love due to his tall and muscular build. Takeo’s appearance might be a little rough, but under it all he has a heart of gold. However, few ever see it since Takeo’s best friend Makoto is the definition of an anime prince. Without trying Makoto is a girl magnet and Takeo finds that people only talk to him to try and get close with Makoto. But when Takeo saves Yamato he instantly falls for her. He worries that she’s only being nice to him to gain Makoto’s love, but in truth she actually like Takeo and not Makoto. I love how this shakes up the romance genre and I love Makoto and Takeo’s friendship. Every time Yamato is on the screen I swoon. She is precious! Comedy, Friendship, Romance, First Love, Dorks

Your Lie in April (10/10) This is one of those romance animes that you hear rumors about. You know it will hurt you, but you have to watch it anyway because it’s a masterpiece. It is a truly enjoyable watch! Plus, the animation is breathtaking. Kousei is a great piano player and under the tutelage of his mother he excels in the competitions.  Then his mother dies and Kousei turns from music and his world begins to turn grey. Until his world us turned upside down by Kaori, an outstanding violinist who is anything but traditional. She is free-spirited and challenges Kousei to join her in exploring music once more. Kousei starts to fall in love with music again and also finds himself falling for the girl that added color back into his world. Together they enhance each other’s musical ability and change each other’s lives. Music, Romance, Mystery, Friendship, School Life

***Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo (10/10) The last year is difficult for everyone, but for Makoto it is crazy since she can literally jump through time. She doesn’t really understand this new-found power and must learn how to control it. She fosters old and new relationships and might even fall in love, but with all time travel sacrifices must be made. I really don’t want to say too much because it could ruin the plot, but just trust me—watch it. Mystery, Supernatural, Time Travel, Romance

[trvelyans-archive]

i am on my hands and knees begging for u to tell me about lila and margot 🙏

jasmine.............. thank you for this gift

under the cut because i expect it’ll get very long <3 :) update after i finished writing: it is, in fact, very long and also took me over an hour. so. take that as whatever sort of warning you might want.

let’s start with margot !

she was born to a couple of really young parents who..... did not want to be parents. at all. they were still in the party-and-get-drunk phase of their life and didn’t want to have a kid to worry about, so a large part of her childhood was spent couch surfing between relatives, mostly her grandfather.

they were really close! he would help her with her homework, they would cook together, he would let her drink underage so that she was well-versed in beer by the time she was like. idk. 16 lol. but she felt closer to him than her own parents, who were good when they were around but. they mostly weren’t around <3

when she was 19, her grandpa starting showing pretty serious signs of memory loss and whatnot and eventually had to be moved into a home. she was living with him by that point, so she had to continue to spend a year or so of her adult life couchsurfing. it didn’t help that she was in school full-time to get an engineering degree of. some kind. i think mechanical engineering. idk. and didn’t have a job, so to pay back her roommates she took up a majority of the housework as well as picked up odd jobs on the weekend. her grandpa’s health continued to decline through this time so she didn’t actually mind being busy because then she. didn’t have to think about it at all <3

and then.............. when she was 20......... her boyfriend of a year  suggested that she not only move in with him but that they get married and margot, who has never had stability ever in her life, jumped at the opportunity !

after she graduated, she found it incredibly hard to find a career (even though they were in the same program and He had no trouble finding one), so she was back to not working but her husband didn’t mind and he supported her whole-heartedly. during this time she started running and then eventually started going to a gym with a couple of her female friends from their neighbourhood! she would also spend a lot of time at her grandpa’s but his health was still rapidly declining. eventually her now-husband said that she should probably stop visiting him and margot was like “.... ok i guess”

And then. :)

she kept spending time outside of the house and started taking self-defense classes with a few of her friends and her husband was started to get very antsy. he wanted her to be at home, told her that he didn’t like her going out at night or, eventually, at all, and would find ways to keep her home every night so she didn’t go out. during this time he also started getting. um. very manipulative. he was easily triggered into starting arguments. so she increased the frequency of her self-defense classes and, eventually, they became Very Useful in an argument with her husband. so. we hate him :)

after that she filed for a divorce, moved away and changed her name to her late grandmother’s last name. she started working at a gym in her new town and eventually decided to open her own ! she had gotten the building about 2-3 weeks before the outbreak hit and didn’t have any furniture or equipment of any kind, so she met up with 2 middle-aged women from her old gym and they travelled together until one of them was bitten in a fight with walkers and dragged into a big crowd of them to be eaten and the other one was bitten and margot had to shoot her when she got zombified and tried to attack. :(

that’s where i have left off for now but i am going to develop her More the more i watch the show !!!

okay. backstory over. now for the fun bits:

her faceclaim is mackenzie davis specifically in terminator (without the. lines on her arms and whatever idk what those are) and this picture is the most margot-vibe imaginable.

the haircut was an incredibly recent choice but it came in handy during the outbreak because she didn’t have to worry about keeping hair out of her face. girlboss !

she is 6′2 :) her and her husband were funnily enough the 2 tallest people in her graduating class

she spoke occasionally to her parents after graduating and moving away but they fell out of touch a year or so before the outbreak began and she......................... unsurprisingly doesn’t miss them at all

she has 1 keepsake and it’s an old keychain of her grandpa’s and if anything happens to it. she will kill everyone in any room and Then herself !!!

she likes to where tank tops to show off her big arms. is this very ergonomical in the apocalypse where zombie bites can kill you instantly ? nope! will she do it anyway to intimidate people ? yup!

she Cannot cook. at all. she lived off of take-out and microwavable meals for the first 20 years of her life and then she always had someone else making food for her until she moved away on her own when it was back to takeout.

on the topic of food :) her fave foods are mac and cheese with breadcrumbs and meatlover’s pizza !

she will do literally anything for a good beer. anything. she keeps an eye out for them every time she goes scavenging in buildings and will try to get at least 1 bottle per trip. girlboss !

she cannot sing. in fact she’s not just average, she’s Terrible. she can, however, play mad guitar because her grandpa taught her.

now onto miss lila :)

she was born in a town a couple over from rick’s and was the younger sister of 2 ! she had a really great family and a very very happy childhood :) her dad was a wildlife rehabilitator and her mom was a landscaper who took a lot of pride in their nice big backyard and garden and Land where they. you know. rehabiliated the wildlife and what not

she worked a lot with her dad and mom at their wildlife centre and also helped her mom garden a lot (their house was on the same property as the centre so it was a nice big plot of land). she took a lot of interest in rehabilitating animals and it sparked a very early childhood interest in Caring for things (namely little wild critters) which extended to her helping out little kids on the playground when they got scraped knees and things. she always had a package of bandaids in her backpack from second grade on. an angel <3

in her final year of high school she had a very quick fling with a boy from her high school that ended… poorly. and then she got pregnant! which she. Did not expect. nor want. nor need in her life because she was planning on moving to atlanta to go to medical school and kickstart her career. her sister, who had recently dropped out of school and lost her job, decided to Take One for the team and claim the baby as hers so lila could go to medical school and stuff. their parents promised to take good care of her and they all made a plan to hide lila’s pregnancy from their town (although i’m sure literally everyone knows anyway) and then she moved away in the summer after giving birth to go to school

she quickly finished up her nursing program but was out of job for a few years until she got a job offer to be the nurse at king county elementary school aka the school were one Carl Grimes goes to school. she moved there in may and one night, when her car Squealed to a stop in front of a dog who had run away from his home and was being chased by. Um. a certain sheriff’s deputy who was intending on bringing the puppy back home <3 they got to talking and. Well. the rest is history…..

she was a very beloved member of the staff and kids would often fake sick just to come to her office and get a sucker and she grew esp close to the grimes family :D after a couple of years living in king county she got a job to start working at some fancy prep school in atlanta and decided that actually she might want to. You know. start being a mom now that she was finished with school and had a career. so she moved away from king county at the end of the next school year and was unfortunately in atlanta when it was bombed by the government at the start of the outbreak so she and her daughter and sister all died :) and that’s that !

some fun facts because that was a very depressing end to her story:

she always has suckers in her office at school and her favourites are the watermelon ones.

she can often be found gardening in her backyard or watching the birds in the trees like a little nature baby !!!

she is very meticulous about planning. she Does have a daily agenda. she Will kill you if you touch it. shane likes to leave her little notes in it for her to find when she’s at school. sometimes they are not Just cute. she usually erases those.

she likes collecting ugly thrift store paintings of animals and hangs them up in her dining room and she Does think they are incredibly funny.

she is a vegetarian !!! very unwavering about it. shane finds it annoying because he’s good at cooking steak but she just has a salad and then they’re both perfectly happy <3

sends basically everyone she knows a Christmas/holiday card every year. even the teachers at the elementary school who don’t like her and or barely talk to her !!!

she is a terrible maker of tea and usually forgets about cups before she’s even halfway through them (thank god for her). makes everyone tea when they come over except shane (stupid ass) because he doesn’t like it and usually people just politely swallow it even though it’s too steeped or. sorry idk how tea works. she just Makes It Bad ok

she perpetually forgets to do laundry. Most of her non-scrubs have dirt stains or dressing stains or whatnot (except for her Really nice clothes) which is why she tries to buy a lot of patterns. makes things easier to hide <3

and that’s it for now !!! i have so much other lore for them but i will stop here for now :) thank you very much if you read this also i’m very sorry i have twd brainworms i cannot help it. anyway ok that’s it thanks love you bye

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 3

Keep Sharp

On the Road Again

Welcome back to Calorum you guys. We last left off witnessing an actual miracle as a group of cheese assassins masquerading as meatlanders (and Brennan by proxy) failed to kill a single Candian, Tartguard included.

Now, everyone is picking up the pieces. Amethar is still messed up from the fight so he’s being tended to. Liam and some of the NPCs are working on clearing the tree from the road. Ruby, still covered in blood, is in one of the carriages and when she uses Prestidigitation to clear the blood from a circus flyer she was carrying, Calroy walks in and grabs her hand to stop her as a reflex. He quickly drops her hand--very bold move to grab one of the princesses like that--and tries to impress on her that the rest of the world isn’t like Candia and she really really needs to stop with the casual magic when they’re on the road. Ruby is really naively taken aback and frustrated by this information but Calroy describes it like it’s business as usual. Her aunt, Lazuli, has the title of Archmage but the official position is that the title is an archaic holdover from less enlightened times and she was simply a really good alchemist--even though everyone knows that’s untrue. That’s politics bay-bee! Lapin joins the conversation (along with Theo shortly after) and says that if people knew where he got his powers from, he’d be dead (which seems a weird thing to say with Calroy in earshot).  

Outside, Liam is chopping up the tree and finds these little peppermint acorn things called Heartseeds which are basically concentrated, ambient, magical energy that can grant small wishes. Preston eats them and gains a fly speed of 40 (but it’s like he’s a firework--he has to land after 40 feet). Jet finds Liam and asks for help with keeping an eye on Ruby. She’s pretty shook after seeing her almost die. Liam is down to do it for nothing (the kid just wants to be included) but Jet insists on being in his debt and--always on brand--he just asks for some cool seeds. She also finds a meat shield that’s made out of gross, burnt, stuck-to-the-pan meat bits that she names Burnt Ends. 

They get going again and in the PC wagon you have all the PCs but Jet (who is outside with the guards and Grissini) along with Cruller and his wife--Lady Donetta. She chats with Grissini for a little bit while the adults try to get her to get in the carriage. She’s finally swayed by Ruby but when she comes in she says she wasn’t (just) flirting. She was trying to get intel on how in trouble Ruby was. Liam offers that he speaks Ceresian so he can spy if they need him to and also did anyone have any dreams last night? Theo--who is trying to keep everyone alive and was like so close to being impressed by Liam--along with Lapin and Cruller try to get everyone back on track but Ruby--defiantly--is all, “They’re not gonna kill me. I’m a princess!” Theo points out that someone almost killed her literally ten minutes ago and Cruller points out that death isn’t the only bad thing that can happen to a person. She could get forcibly put in a monastery for instance. Jet is not even having that in hypothetical-land and says that as the heir princess, she would lay the smackdown on anyone who tried to do that. 

It looks like things are about to dissolve into overlapping gibberish but Amethar does the dad thing of putting his foot down and yelling at everyone to get along before taking a dad nap passing out from his injuries. Lady Donetta patches him up while Cruller once again talks about the importance of politics. It’s not just them that have to play this game. The Meatlanders are polytheistic generally but all Bulbian on paper. Jet thinks this whole song and dance is ridiculous and should be changed once she has more sway in politics, but she’s willing to shut up for now. She’s also willing to keep Lapin’s secret, but him bringing it up sparks Cruller’s interest. Lapin tries to gloss over it but Liam chimes in that he’s sorry about breaking his teacup. Lapin shuts him up (Liam on a low Insight check thinks he hates him) and rolls a 14 to get Cruller off his back.

Secrets and Lies

As they cross the border into Fructerra, Sir Theo invites Ruby and Jet out for some fresh air and they invite Liam which he goes along with even though it’s clear he wanted to talk to the sisters alone. As soon as they’re out of earshot of everyone Theo turns off the scold and says that regardless of everything they’re all saying, Ruby absolutely needs to keep studying magic. He says that he was a ward of Lazuli who taught him some magic (including animating Sprinkle) and he has a whole-ass lore dump for them that he was planning on subtly revealing over time but now’s the time for getting everybody up to speed ASAP not mentoring from the shadows:

He says that Lazuli--who, like Ruby and Jet, wanted magic to be acceptable and not relegated to the shadows of one kingdom--was doing arcane research into wild stuff like immortality that would have advanced the world a lot further than its current state. She died sacrificing herself in a battle where she was the only Candian casualty. Theo was there and, before she sent him away, she said that she needed to do it to, “save [their] people and save [their] world.” He didn’t get what she meant and why that would be literally the hill she--a princess and Archmage--would choose to die on but he knows she would sometimes have visions of the future and he thinks she might have known Ruby was coming and needed to ensure that timeline happened. Ruby--who is outraged that this is the first she’s hearing of all of this and shocked that Theo is suddenly cool (“I've always been cool! All of us are cool!”) still doesn’t want to do all this “book stuff” or embrace any kind of magical destiny and even Jet is like, “Come on girl.” Anyway, Sir Theo tells them they just need to be chill and lowkey and he’ll hook them up with magical training and banned books for Jet. He also promises to teach Ruby the Find Familiar spell. 

Liam helps Lady Donetta with herbal remedies for Amethar and he comes back at full health. Amethar gets to talking about Liam’s dad who he says had Liam’s knack from nature stuff and taught him (Amethar) how to fight. Calroy chimes in that his dad and Amethar fought together in the Ravening War. He also says that Liam being a hostage (he outright calls him a hostage) is what lets his dad not join the Concord (the kind of ride or die, post Ravening War pact everyone else is in) and remain an independent rebel state. Apparently, he seceded because, King Jadin (Amethar’s Dad--the past king), would not uphold Candia’s alliances. Liam’s dad (Duke Joren Jawbreaker) turned traitor to go fight with their Dairy Island allies.         

It takes another couple of days to get to Comida and, on the way there, Ruby learns and casts the Find Familiar spell--netting her a butterscotch falcon that she names Yak after the noise he makes. She hopes he’ll be friends with Sprinkle because Siobhan knows that the second real objective of every D&D campaign (after making friends) is acquiring pets and having them play with each other (which is in direct opposition to the DM goal of not letting any of your players have any pets).    

Cruller checks in with Theo about the secret magic lessons and also says that he’s looked into it and the imperial soldiers who saw Ruby do magic are gossiping. Grissini is shutting some of it down so it’s not spreading like wildfire but it’s really just a matter of time. Cruller tries to get more specifics about what Jet and Lapin were talking about (his Sugarplum magic) and Theo dodges the question. Cruller says that he can be more helpful if he’s in the loop but doesn’t push further. 

Faces and Names 

We have made it to Comida and, after a quick House Rocks family heart to heart, it’s time for a parade of a BUNCH of new characters:

Manta Ray Jack: Man at Arms of House Cheddar and one of Amethar’s Ravening War buddies. A literal 2 foot tall cube of cheese. He also has a tattoo of a Manta Ray on his arm  which isn’t important to the plot but is important to me that you know.       

Sir Morris Brie: Knight of House Cheddar, Master of State to the Duchess (who we’ll get to next) and another Dairy Island buddy of Amethar.

Duchess Primsy Coldbottle: A literal bottle of milk, 16-year-old regent of House Cheddar (Duchess of Lacramor specifically) and ruler of the Dairy Islands. On a nat 20, Ruby knows that Prince Tarthur Cheddar was the prince during the Ravening Wars but died. She also knows about…

Captain Annabelle Cheddar: (Captain of the Colby) who is this cool, naval, battle-ready lady that Ruby sees hanging out with a bunch of solider women fighters and having a great time while Primsy is talking to her advisors. Apparently, Anabelle should be the rightful heir to the Dairy Islands but was stripped of her title because she refused to marry (hmm) which Ruby thinks is sick as hell. She goes to chat her up and finds out that she’ll be fighting in the Melee part of the tourney.  

Senator Augustus Ciabatta: A full bread person who’s a senator from the very populous Ceresia and he’s throwing coins to the people from his palanquin. (I want it on the record that I feel an episode called Bread and Circuses coming.)

Prince Cabbage: The adult son of King Cabbage. His palanquin is the second largest. The largest belongs to...

Hierophant Rex Belizabeth Brassica: She is basically the Bulb Pope. She’s like a green woman with broccoli hair. She and Lapin have met before before she became pope. They quickly talk and she invites him to tag along as they pay their respects to the Emperor. He agrees to go. She’s followed around by Archbishop Onionpatch (another Primogen from Greenhold in Vegetania).

Theo is a little nervous about Amethar cozying up to all these dairy people considering the attack but Amethar insists he can handle himself. There’s a big feast set up and Amethar goes to talk to Primsy who is just super sweet and seems to know she has a lot of responsibility that she is trying her level best to uphold. She’s like the anti Jet and Ruby and Brennan...if something happens to her...I swear...  

Anyway, Theo is scanning the room for trouble and he sees (1) That Anabelle is looking at Amethar forlornly from across the room (maybe like she wishes she could be in the room where it happens so to speak?) and (2) there is a young Dairy nobleman stealth flirting with Primsy. Amethar asks Sir Brie about the attack and he says they had nothing to do with it. They don’t have the resources after the war which was fought largely in the Dairy Isles. He seems to blame Anabelle at least partially for the diminished power of House Cheddar based on the dirty look he shoots her when he mentions the state of the state. Amethar reiterates that the alliance between Candia and the Dairy Isles is solid and Manta Ray Jack pops in to casually drop that Amethar had a war girlfriend (lover? idk what the proper terminology is here) in the Far East Isles back in the day so I’m sure that’s gonna become relevant at the worst possible moment. 

Brennan also curses us by unleashing Thad (Jet’s avocado pen pal boyfriend) onto the story and as soon as Jet re-meets this poncy, French-y, horny, avocado she’s like “I made a huge mistake” and later gets him to “meet her outside” so she can ditch him.   

Theo goes with Liam to check up on Primsy because he’s concerned with whatever is going on with her and that cheese boy who he learns is her traveling companion--Lord Stilton Curdeau. And it’s covered by cologne but his cheese stink is familiar. He wants to alert Amethar but Amethar is currently eyeing Basha Myaso (Warlord of the Beef Clans and ruler of all of the Meatlands) who is glaring at him. On Calroy’s advice, he squares up with Basha who implies that Candia is responsible for the false flag attack. Amethar tells him to “watch [his] fucking mouth.” Diplomacy!

Meanwhile, Lapin is with the Pontifex in the Great Food Pyramid (which is, of course, a thing). She introduces him to Sir Keradin Deeproot who is this super buff super intense carrot Paladin. We learn that Lapin isn’t an archbishop and his title of primogen comes from his status as a “miracle worker”. Apparently, Miracle working is very uncommon even though the Bulbian church is so massive. When asked, Onionpatch says that things in Vegetania are fine except that King Belvedere Cabbage is infirm. Another Priogem--this one of Cersia--joins them, the Archbishop Fettucina Alfredi who is this very classically beautiful looking, toga wearing woman with glowing eyes--she’s also a miracle worker. Lapin is like, “Oh fuck,” because if she’s magic too then she might be able to tell that he’s not actually on the level.          

Lapin veers away from Alfredi and chats up the Pontifex who says Brightgarden is OK but they're currently dealing with a murder of an archbishop in the Meatlands (the Archbishop Raddica). Lord Basha is looking for who did it and the Pontifex wants them brought to justice ASAP. Alfredi brings up the attack on the road and wonders about the rumors she heard about strange magic. Lapin, sweating bullets, lies and says that he thinks it was the work of the Bulb. On a 14 Deception from Lapin, Alfredi thinks lavender fog would be a weird Bulbian intercession. It sounds more like something a false good she’s heard about from Candia would do. What’s her name? The Sugarplum Fairy? Lapin, with a 25 Persuasion check, is able to wave that off as primitive backwoods things that he’s working to stamp out in Candia. That’s enough to get the Pontifex on his side and they go up to see the Emperor. 

Outside of his room is his daughter--Lady Plumbeline Uvano--who is lowkey very upset about something. She greets them and then takes the Pontifex in to talk to the Emperor while Lapin waits outside with Alfredi and Kerradin. When she’s done paying the respects of the church, the whole holy crew goes back to the party. Before Lapin splits off, the Pontifex does a little pull aside with him about Candia’s role in the war and how she thinks, with him at the helm, Candia is in good hands.  

At Sir Theo's suggestion, Amethar has the Candy Crew stand with the Cheese Peeps during the announcement of the tourney which is a big deal because it’s a symbol that the alliance is still on even though they were attacked by cheese bandits. Primsy introduces herself to the princesses and gives them cool, milksilk handkerchiefs she embroidered herself with a candy cane crossed with a cheese cube on a stick with their house words: There is Strength in Sweetness. She doesn’t have one for Liam but gives him hers (it has her house words: Keep Sharp) on the condition he joins the archery competition and fights for her. With not a 15 between the 6 of them (even w/ multiple help actions) none of the PCs have presents for anyone else.              

The tourney is announced. There are three events, each with a dope prize. Winner of the melee gets a boon from the emperor at the end of his rule. The winner of the archery contest gets a seat on the Cornucopian Council, the title of Master of Arrows, and is made advisor to the next emperor (which seems like a LOT to put on a person whose main skill is “can shoot arrows well” but OK sure). The winner of the joust gets to name a candidate for Emperor from any class or house they wish and their choice must be considered. Ruby and Liam join the archery contest. Theo signs up for the joust. Jet is hesitant but Amethar convinces her to join the melee with him. She also scratches “The Dairy Islands Rule!” into a piece of wood for Primsy and she’s charming enough that Primsy doesn’t think it’s a slipshod afterthought.  

An imperial courier shows up and tells Theo the Emperor wants to talk to Amethar. He brings all the PCs and Calroy. Lady Plumbeline is still outside her dad’s room and she’s still pissed. On a 24 Insight check, Theo can tell that--as I suspected from episode 1--she is pretty ticked that she has all this institutional knowledge and competence and experience but, because of an arbitrary rule, she can’t take the throne. She tells Amethar (who she met when she was a teen) that they need to limit how many people go in as to not overwhelm him. He takes Lapin and Theo (who gives Sprinkle to Jet) and goes in to talk to Uvano.

Uvano, as we already know, was another Ravening War buddy of Amethar’s and another person he’s seen piss and shit--which we learn because that’s apparently how Amethar classifies who his best friends are. They talk the way old buddies do and Uvano asks what he would say about his life taking a surprising turn. Amethar says that if it was anyone else asking, he probably wouldn’t be on board but for Uvano? He’ll do it. That’s just what he wanted to hear.   

And that’s where we end the episode without rolling initiative because the combat in the next episode is all fun and games and to quote Lou Wilson--who I suspect is about to become the wrongest person in D20 history--“It’s all sparring. Nobody is going to get killed.”

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

You Should Know

Country Accents seen to be as follows: Dairy (Scottish), Meat (Russian), Fruit (French), Grain (Italian), Candy (American/British)

In the long awaited sequel to “Kristen Has -3 Dex,” Liam has a -2 to Charisma. 

Ruby speaks Lacra (Dairy-speak).

The Meatlander gods include The Great Cow, The Great Boar, and The Great Hen. 

The head beef dude has a super jacked T-Bone steak wife who I assume we’ll get a name for during the melee next episode. Update, courtesy of @fjordgofurther--we did get a name this ep. Her name is Scravoya.

The Bulbian concept of hell/the devil involves the “Hungry Ones” which just serves to underline that Brennan really did think this crazy thing all the way through and still decided to not do it but to DO it. 

Everyone levels up every episode I believe since D20 uses milestone leveling for the main seasons but Ruby and Jet leveled up twice to level 3 to help catch them up a little now that they have a story reason to be stronger. 

Things I’m Concerned About

Uvano is only in his 60s. Like, people die in their 60s but that detail casually mentioned in a setting like this always brings up the possibility of poison or some other kind of sabotage.

The second Brennan mentioned the daughter of Uvano in passing ep 1, I clocked it and the situation is basically what I was anticipating it seems. Like, of course she’s pissed. I would be too. I wonder if either the boon or the chance to offer up a candidate could be used to override the Concord rules? Either way, gotta keep an eye on her. Also, I noticed the little flippant remark she had for the Pontifex (“This is Fructerra, I’m dressed for court.”) and I don’t know if that’s distaste for the church or something more personal but it seemed interesting enough to mention. 

I know that the improvisational nature of D&D means that there’s not foreshadowing in the same way that you have in something fully set like a book or a movie but every time the Rocks family gets together for a sweet (ha) conversation (“We just want to protect you, Pop.”) I am just more and more sure we are being set up for a fall.  

Lou Wilson’s defining trait as a D&D player is doing what his character would do and letting it play out to its logical conclusion, consequences be damned--consequences be welcomed even. And Amethar is--como se dice--no Calroy when it comes to politics. I can’t imagine these facts at up to any kind of happy sum.  

Also, speaking of, I wanna trust Calroy, but I can’t. He’s too good at this. He’s too competent. He knows too much information and Amethar trusts him too much. Hope he proves me wrong but I will not be made a fool of by a slice of cake. Do you hear me Brennan? I REFUSE.    

I've only had Primsy for a week, but if anything happened to her, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself. No but, seriously, if she is just as she appears to be (and this is GoT so I guess it’s not off the table that she’s secretly like bad and it would have taken a 30 Insight check to find out) then MAN I am so scared for her. Characters who are just trying their best to do a good job are my Kryptonite and she is as much in the wrong genre as the twins are. Moreso even.  

I’m concerned Amethar has a cheesecake baby somewhere out there that’s gonna end up being a Problem. Oh my god what if one of the twins dies and their backup character is Amethar’s illegitimate kid? 

The Bulbian Church has so much power but so little magic which seems...odd. Also, just curious, what is a Paladin without divine magic? Isn’t that just a fighter?

I very much vibe with the concept of Alfredi as a character but lol I was STRESSED for Lapin during that whole conversation and I feel like that’s gonna be my default state for him all season.  

I’m concerned (or maybe just suspicious) that there’s more to the backstory with Theo and Lazuli than we heard. That little extra narration from Brennan about swearing he could feel her smile? Mmm, OK. 

Five More Things

The character art for this season cracks me up because Brennan clearly gave the artist for this season two lists and one list was labeled “Hot” and one was labeled “Ridiculous” and that’s how we got characters like Primsy and Calroy in the same scene as Anabelle and Grissini and the funniest part is Brennan’s absolute refusal to play any of these characters like they’re any more or less ridiculous than any of the others. He’s like, “The hot pasta woman is valid and the talking cheese cube is EQUALLY VALID.” 

“Not this season. Not season five.” Very bold of Brennan to be outraged about Emily trying to ride a living sprinkle dog like that's the ridiculous thing about a world with a living sprinkle dog.

The Sucorsi Road running into the Glucian Road for Sucrose and Glucose is the kind of worldbuilding detail that I love. 

I was gonna be so mad at Brennan for the nonsense that is the name “Belizabeth” but he said on Adventuring Party that he was specifically dunking on GRRM with that so he gets a pass this time. 

You know that famous Pixar meeting/lunch where they came up with Bugs Life, Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo, and Wall-E in one conversation? I bet Brennan had a similar brainstorming sesh where he came up with Garthy, Anabelle, and two other thirst traps that haven’t been introduced yet. Like come on. He described her hair as, “princely”? Brennan is trying to kill some of y’all. 

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 512

Looking for a way to spend Mother’s Day? Well, we here at Outlander have the perfect idea! Celebrate with the women you love by watching us gang rape grannie!

This episode is like the perfect storm of everything that is wrong with Outlander. The cast and crew saying it’s their strongest episode yet when it’s basically artsy gang rape. The CYA trigger warnings when the story would have worked perfectly well without including yet another rape. The kool aid-drinking fans yelling at and acting holier than thou at the fans who rightfully call out the massive problem this show has with rape and assault. The fans yelling at other fans because It’S iN tHe BoOk so it has to be included. The fans yelling at other fans for wanting to follow the books but not wanting rape every 0.5 seconds. The fans yelling at other fans to fuck off if they don’t like the show. The women in the cast throwing out trigger warnings while the men are radio silent or wanting the gladiators to face the plague and fight for their own amusement. It literally has everything.

And I am tired.

I’ve been in this fandom for six years and have had quite a journey. From first discovering the show and immediately devouring the books. The honeymoon period where I could headcanon out all the problematic bits. The getting deep into the fandom nonsense. The getting out of the fandom nonsense. The judging the fandom nonsense because it’s funny and they’re all idiots. The getting sick of the fandom nonsense because it’s not even fun to judge the dummies anymore. The becoming more and more aware that it’s impossible to whistle past the problems in the books and the show. The sticking around, holding out hope things might turn around and the initial magic could be recaptured. And finally, the giving up.

The books are trash. The show is trash. There are a handful of good scenes in each which can be enjoyed on their own, but as a whole, holy shit this stuff is not good. (Seriously, I tried to do a Fiery Cross reread before the season started. I started like a year ago and am still only at Jocasta’s wedding because I just don’t care enough to actually get through it.)

Which brings us here. I am tired. I have already ranted and raged and yelled and swore and wrote far too many words about the gratuitous overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. It fucking has its own tag for fuck’s sake.

So here’s a recap. And then I think I’m done looking at this show in detail. Not because the idiot fans insist on coming to my notes to tell me to fuck off if I don’t like the show. Not because the crew are condescending douchecanoes. Not because the author is a misogynist garbage heap. But because spending an hour of my time for a few weeks out of the year to write these things isn’t worth it. I did it for as long as I did because it took so little time. So why not? But yeah, it’s not even worth that tiny commitment anymore.

And to the people who I know will @ me about how no one was forcing me to stick around and I could have quit any time, yeah, no shit captain obvious, I know that. Fuck off already. I stuck around because I really liked the little corner of the fandom that I’d found. I made some awesome friends. Most of those friends have since quit the fandom. I’m really glad to have them in my life outside of this little corner of the internet. And it was a fun writing exercise. I don’t really like the show anymore, but I enjoyed building an argument about why I don’t like it and think it’s bad that has valid points behind it. Especially considering how blindly overly adoring a bunch of the fandom is about it. But now I think I’d rather consume Outlander content as pretty people in pretty period costumes in gifsets. Or like, on in the background but not really paying close attention. Why not quit altogether? Because to quote the great Ron Swanson (I’m halfway through a Parks rewatch and I just love that show a lot ok.), I can do what I want. And besides, there’s like a fucking library’s worth of fics that I haven’t read and have been meaning to. And I like the characters enough to want to keep reading about them in stories that are better than the canon. (Bless you fic writers, blesssss.)

So. Was this whole ramble self-indulgent and overly serious for a fucking TV show? Absofuckinglutely. But please see the aforementioned Swansonism.

Alright, fuckos. Let’s do this.

This is a Roberts brainchild, isn’t it. *checks credits* Yup. Knew it. This feels very much like a Roberts special. In that he is probs quite pleased with himself but like, it’s crap.

Yes, we ARE doing ANOTHER rape story! But look! It’s a disassociation montage! It’s the ‘60s, get it?! There are callbacks! An orange from the king in season 2! A vase from season 1! A rabbit from season 3! An amber-looking dragonfly! Jamie with the young hair spouting off book lines! ApPrEcIaTe MuH aRt! We are so good at finding new and creative ways to rape our characters! Fuck off, twatwaffle. You are the worst.

Like, does Roger feel left out at this point? He’s only been hanged. Literally everyone else has either been raped, been sexually assaulted, or been threatened with rape and/or sexual assault.

“But it’s not gratuitous! Look! They’re all so different! Jamie’s was overly graphic and he got a half a season to brood about! We manged to not show much of Fergus’ (but still showed a thrust) because he’s a child and it was just a plot device for Jamie and not actually about him! Mary’s was about Fred! Claire’s with the king was about Jamie! Jamie’s with Geneva was shot like p0rn! Marsali being threatened by the sailors was to motivate Fergus! Bree’s was about the other people in the room and Roger! Claire’s really has no purpose because she’s already been kidnapped and beaten, and that is super traumatic, and we’re gonna wrap it up with a bow by the end of the episode!”

This fucking show, guys. This fucking show.

Bonus points* for the Black character spouting off the superstitious stuff.

*By bonus points I mean this show, and the books are absolute shit on matters of race. The books especially.

The cast and crew have 100% heard everyone’s thoughts on the overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. And their response has been to include more and more of it. We had a whole season of one character’s arc being about her rape and literally as soon as that was resolved, they gang rape another character. It really does tell you as much as you need to know about them. Lazy. Fucking. Cowards.

Kidnapping not enough trauma? Let’s add some gang rape! Gang rape not enough trauma? Let’s add visualizing that your daughter and grandchild are dead! Just like Fred died! This show really brings trauma p0rn to a whole new level.

Called the Bree and Roger shit.

This scene with the men rallying to go save Claire is like another layer of fuck you. Bree, you stay home, men, give your hero lines and let’s have a getting ready montage. Because your hero moment is what this is really all about. And your manpain about killing someone. *screams into a pillow*

The petty side of me is happy that it was Fergus and Young Ian who are with Claire when they find her and not Roger. Her two sons...

Why yes, I am judging all of the fans who like get their panties all wet over Jamie being like “It is I who kills for her.” Like “yeah go ahead and rape and beat Claire within an inch of her life if it means the big strong man gets to come in and save her and say something intense.” Fuck off and go take a hard look at yourself and what that says about you.

“Was there an Indian there?” “Nope, he wouldn’t help you because LiOnEl but somehow was able to peace out when it was in his interest. Because he is as bad as the ones who actually raped you.”

The Bree and Claire hug makes me both sad and angry. I want to hug them both and take them out of this fucking place and tell them that they’ve been done dirty and deserved fucking better from the writers.

Glad Marsali gets in on the hug. Claire’s two remaining daughters.

Claire’s “I have fucking survived” speech is like the one time she she actually talks about herself not in relation to a man. It’s about her. Claire. HOWEVER! It is epically fucked up that a woman needs to check off all the trauma she’s endured to show she’s a strong character.

So. Fucked. Up.

The fact that we’re spending time on Roger’s manpain about killing someone also really tells us a lot about the show’s feelings toward women. Yeah, killing someone is a big deal. It’s normal and expected to have feelings about it. But the juxtaposition of Claire’s speech about all of her traumas with Roger being like yeah, I killed a guy who had kidnapped, beaten and raped your mom is like, read the room, bro/writers.

The fact that the men put Claire’s rapist in her surgery, her space, her place of healing, where she is able to be most herself, makes me want to punch each and every one of them in the throat. Like seriously. Fuck each and every one of them.

Also Lionel is like cartoonishly terrible. Not that nuance has ever been this show’s strong suit. But like come the fuck on.

Marsali killing Lionel is the one thing about this episode that I didn’t hate. The men are all like “We kill for Claire! Let’s all rally in this montage and go do the manly thing of defending the woman!” Marsali is just like, yeah, that’s my Ma you fucked with. She shows some agency. She doesn’t do it in a performative way for the other men or for Claire like the guys do. She just knows this fuck needs to die, knows it’s gonna be hard for her and might damn her soul (don’t worry Marsali, all that religion crap is bullshit), and does it anyway.

Marsali’s arc has been my favorite of this whole fucking series. The one bright spot I was hanging on to all of this season especially.

Her quick scene with Jamie doesn’t bother me like Roger’s does. Because Roger is like oh no, I killed a guy! Can you forgive me? For killing a rapist? Like fuck off, bro. And Marsali is like yeah, I killed a guy. I hope I’m not damned for it, but the guy needed to die so I did it.

Also like, Richard had potential to not be cartoonishly bad. But like nope. “He reaped what he sowed, but cLeArLy I’m gonna need to escalate this further. Because manly men can’t let shit go.”

Fuck all men, tbh.

*googles how to emigrate to Themyscira*

Jamie’s speech that’s like supposed to parallel Claire’s can fuck all the way off. Giving him the last voice over just underscores how this was all about men. Not Claire. But the men. Fuuuuck everything.

Look! Everything’s fine again! Back to normal! Peaceful for a bit! With a cheesy af on the nose storm coming! So you know something bad’s coming! In case you forgot!

And Jamie got a book line. So it’s all good now.

And don’t worry about Claire, y’all. She feels safe now. Her and Jamie fucked it out.

It’s amazing, in retrospect, that I ever let this story suck me in so much.

Happy Mother’s Day! See you on the other side of the hiatus.

[fathomlessfairyfiend]

My Thoughts on Irene Belserion’s Death

I dislike how Irene Belserion died. (Don’t worry, no hate here, just analysis and a lil bit of disappointment.)

Like?? Irene was a freaking high enchantress and a dragon slayer. She cast a spell that reorganized the entire continent, was able to give objects their own personalities, and had magic so powerful that she was on par with August. August. Mavis and Zeref’s child. The child of two incredibly powerful wizards and immortals. 

There were just so many more interesting ways for her to go out. For example, if she had been fighting Acnologia. Maybe she loses, maybe she’s just injured, or maybe she manages to win or at least injure him. Then Fairy Tail could have gone up against two weakened enemies, increasing the plausibility of a victory and making it less of an “I win because I say so.” Bonus points if one of the guilds manages to goad them into it. Or maybe Mest could replace one of their memories! They are dragons, and Irene probably has some enchantment that prevents anyone from changing her memories, but we didn't see it and she wouldn't have known to activate it until after Mest had already made his move. Besides, it’s not like he has to make a big change. Acnologia and Irene have plenty of reasons to fight each other; Mest would just have to make one of them act on a single reason and the other would have to follow suit (or at least defend themselves in some way).

A few reasons off the top of my mind:

Irene resents Acnologia for making a mockery of all the lives lost in the Dragon King Festival, as he was the only clear victor.

He also symbolizes everything she hates about herself and her body: the dragon part of her, the part that makes food tasteless and made her life hell.

Acnologia is pissed she created dragon slayers; he even calls her the reason for his sins (while he defiles her corpse).

Irene hugely inconvenienced him when she sent him away. For someone as prideful and powerful as him? How To Piss Off a Dragon 101.

I was originally thinking of them fighting on that mountain top the first time they met, but for that last reason it would have to be when he comes back (he would have gotten back in a couple days or maybe even less, the farthest she could have sent him is the other side of the globe).

Either way, we would have gotten another awesome dragon vs. dragon fight! That’s better than making Irene a dragon just for shock value. Maybe Acnologia could have made a comment about how he wasn’t expecting to find any other dragons after Igneel. He could’ve said something about neglecting other continents, and how there could be remaining dragons there that he should hunt down. (Hundred Years Quest, anyone?)

Heck, the Fairy Tail members know the ultimate dragon slayer weakness, which I’m so happy they used against Acnologia: motion sickness. We know that even Laxus is incapicated by it. Sabertooth has dragon slayers too, and everyone in that guild knows of their weakness. Heck, everyone saw it at the Grand Magic Games. I just refuse to believe that no one in Fiore thought of it.

Erza was weakened when she went up against Irene. One sweep from Irene had her unable to move anything but her arm. Then Erza went up a meteor. She was easy pickings.

But Irene couldn’t bring herself to kill Erza, and stabbed herself.

It just doesn’t make any sense. Irene’s had about 20 years to ponder this or to get over it. As callous as that sounds, Irene is the ambitious type that would want to get rid of her weaknesses; she could have found a way to completely emotionally distance herself from it. Before this battle, Irene hadn’t even thought Erza had survived. And she was fine with that.

Irene also has a mission and a duty. She decided to follow Zeref for helping her at least look human. She must help him see this through. She doesn’t have the luxury of death.

She forsook that mission when she killed herself.

And if she was going to forsake that mission anyway by killing herself, why not just forsake the mission and keep her life? If she loves Erza so much, why not try to spend time with her?

You could say that suicide is less shameful/more honorable than desertion, but Irene isn’t driven by her ideals or morals.

So why did she do it? At this point emotions aren’t just increasing power like they do for a lot of wizards in a tight situation (a concept that I love, by the way), but rather the emotions are completely surpassing logic.

I’m just disappointed in the way it was handled. If I, a simple fan, could come up with all of this, I feel like the creators could have done so much better than what they did.

I still love Irene as a character. Wendy, Erza and Irene are actually my three favorites, and the battle between the three of them was probably my favorite part of the entire series.

I love Mashima’s world and his characters, and honestly I’m a huge fan of the “emotions make one’s magic stronger” concept. I just wish that the demise of this particular character was handled differently. I think it makes the victory mean more when the protagonists have earned it than when “they win because plot.”

[bluesey-182]

here’s another jurdan fic for you guys lol: 

People talked about the stages of grief as if they were a linear progression when in reality they showed up when they pleased in whatever order they saw fit. Jude seemed to swing violently from one stage to another. One moment she’d be a raging fire breaking whatever was closest to her and throwing her ring with enough force to chip the paint on her bedroom wall, the next she’d be scrambling to find it again and clutch it to her chest while she sobbed until the daylight left her room. She largely ignored Vivi’s attempts to cheer her up or get her off the couch. Sometimes her older sisters’ attempts at cheerfulness were met with bitter shouts. Sometimes Vivi would not so kindly pull the blankets off Jude only for Jude to continue to stare lifelessly into space.

For the first few weeks Vivi left Jude to grieve however she needed to. That was until the night Jude got her hands on some alcohol and ended up with alcohol poisoning, a broken mirror, and a fight with Vivi in the bathroom while Jude clutched a broken part of the mirror and screamed while Vivi held her down. After Jude stopped struggling she sobbed to her older sister that the girl in the mirror said he was in her veins and she just wanted him out. She just wanted him out. After that, Vivi refused to leave her in the apartment alone.

At night Jude plotted out ways to kill Cardan until her numbness and anger broke and she was left sobbing and wishing he would just hold her in a very un-Cardan-like way. She wanted to go home. The problem was that now, technically, she was home. 

But she wasn’t with him.

After two months of this, Vivi decided it was time for Jude to get a job. She burst into their apartment where Jude had been watching TV with Oak to very proudly brandish a sheet of paper in Jude’s face.

“It’s perfect!” Vivienne shrieked with over-the-top excitement. Jude tried her best to stare passed it at the TV. “Jude.”

“What,” she responded flatly.

“Look at this.”

She finally looked up with a huff to tell Vivi exactly how she felt about being disturbed. But before she could actually read it for herself, Vivi flipped the paper over so Jude was looking at the back.

“There’s this thing called the Renaissance festival,” Vivi began explaining animatedly, “and it’s in town right now. Heather used to talk about it all the time before… Anyway, they’re looking for some extra people to hire and I figured you could apply to be one of those people that teaches people how to fight with swords. I think it will be good for you.”

Jude felt her cheeks warm with displeasure.

———

She had been reduced to this.

Jude Duarte, seneschal of the King and then made Queen of Elfhame, had been reduced to picking up trash and repainting the signs at the Renaissance festival–which was, at best, a poor imitation of the dress and lifestyle that she had spent the formative years of her life immersed in. It was ridiculous and it made her miss home even more. Vivi was wrong, this wasn’t helping.

On top of that, Jude quickly discovered that she wasn’t nice enough for the mortal world. When a boy her age tried to hit on her she snarled until he went away. When a younger girl accidently hit Jude’s hand with a wooden sword while Jude was trying to teach her how to use it, she yelled until the girl cried. Her boss quickly suggested that maybe she was “more fit for doing maintenance work” where she “wouldn’t be interacting with the people”. Which was how she ended up repainting a sign that some idiot kids had vandalized overnight. 

Oh, how far she had fallen. 

“Yo dude!” She heard someone yell from behind her. She was about to turn around when the man’s voice finished with “Those are some sick elf ears!” and she decided the voice was not talking to her. 

As she continued to slap red paint onto the wooden sign before her some other exclamations joined in with the first. 

“–don’t have tails,” finished one.

“–get it to move?” drifted another.

“Where did you get–” began a third.

And then, worst of all, the voice from both her dreams and her nightmares said, “Jude.”

Her blood ran cold. In her head she could see him, dressed in his splendid yet ridiculous clothes with that crown askew on his gorgeous hair above those haunting eyes that pierced through her soul no matter how many walls she tried to put up. But this was not, could not, be happening. When she turned around he would not be standing there with his stupid pointed ears and that fucking tail and those dark eyes.

She turned around.

Cardan was standing there. She blinked, and blinked, and blinked again for good measure and yet he still stood there–appearing like the ghost her heart had been calling for in the night.

“Jude,” he repeated.

“What the fuck are you doing here.” It wasn’t a question, more a command, though Jude knew he didn’t have to follow hers anymore.

“We need to talk.” 

“We don’t need to do anything. In case you forgot, you banished me from faerie.”

He looked around them briefly. “We’re not in faerie.”

“Oh! You’re right, how silly of me? We’re in the mortal realm,” her voice dripped with so much icy sarcasm she could feel it burning her throat. Or were those tears? “And come to think of it, I’m a mortal and you made me Queen so I hereby banish Cardan Greenbriar from the mortal realm.”

Cardan closed his eyes for a second as if he were about to lose his temper. “With that one phrase you are so close to understanding something that’s been right in front of your face this whole time.”

She felt her face heat. “Are you calling me stupid?”

“I did not think you were but you are beginning to prove otherwise.”

There was a satisfying wet slap that echoed through her ears as she threw a fistful of paint onto the King of Elfhame’s face. She had nearly forgotten the can of paint in her hands but as her vision turned red her hands took control and before she knew it Cardan’s face was painted red as well. She laughed, but when it reached her ears it didn’t sound like hers. 

All she felt was anger. Anger at him for hurting her, anger at herself for caring, anger at Madoc for bringing her to faerie in the first place. But more than anything she felt anger at the universe for letting her fall for Cardan. It was too much. She threw more paint on him.

By now Cardan was shaking with his own anger and Jude felt some satisfaction at making him feel even an ounce of what she’d felt since he exiled her. 

This time her laugh was cut short by something cold splashing down the front of her shirt. With a gasp Jude looked down at her white tee to see it stained with red. The bastard had thrown paint on her. Sure enough, there he stood with his hand covered in the offending color and that wicked grin on his face. She was loathe to admit she missed that grin.

“You don’t get the send me away from the only home I remember just to show up at my job to make me miserable again!” She shrieked and punctuated the last word with another glob of paint thrown at him. 

“If you would stop acting like a child and listen to me,” Cardan growled but was cut off by more paint in his face.

“I don’t want to listen to you. For the longest time I wanted an explanation, but now I just want you gone.” 

Jude began to notice from the corner of her eye that they were drawing a crowd. 

“Jude-”

“LEAVE!”

“Jude, stop-”

“Go back to ruling your faerie subjects and leave me alone!”

“Jude!”

She threw more paint at him. “You gave me hope! You made me think I could be safe again and then you tossed me out like I meant nothing!”

“And you killed my brother!”

Silence fell between them. Jude heard a collective intake from the crowd around them and realized with a brief glance in their direction that they thought this was some kind of act. With talk of faerie and murder, how could they think anything else?

She stepped dangerously close to him and lowered her voice, making sure every word would cut like a knife. “Yes, Cardan,” she growled sweetly, “I killed your brother. He made me kiss him while he thought I was under his control and he treated me like I was his pet. So yes, when he came at me and I realized it was him or me, I decided he should be the one to die.”

With each word his eyes seemed to get impossibly wider–her words hitting their mark exactly as intended. But instead of feeling victorious, Jude just felt empty. 

“Tell me you would rather I have died,” she demanded.

No response.

Jude shook her head and took a measured step away from him. “That’s what I thought.” She felt her shoulders fall, her eyes water over, as she whispered, defeated, “Please just leave.”

Before he could respond though a voice boomed from behind her, “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?” She spun around–mostly so she wouldn’t have to keep looking at Cardan as the tears in her eyes spilled over–to see her boss storming towards them. His vein comically bulged out of his forehead. When he finally got up to her he snarled, “You’re fired. Get the fuck out of here. Both of you!” This last part he directed at Cardan.

“No problem,” Jude snapped as she thrust the bucket of paint–or what was left of it–into her bosses hands. Without turning to see if Cardan was following her, she began to stomp her way to the gates of the fair. She hated the tears streaking her face. Hated how they kept falling faster. She just wanted out but she also didn’t want to be anywhere. She was tired. So tired. 

She began to run. She ran until she was through the gate, ran till she reached the parking lot, ran until her lungs ached, ran until she couldn’t see passed her tears any longer. With each sob she could feel her heart breaking (impossibly) more, could feel the shards stabbing into her insides until she thought for sure she would bleed out. 

But even with her break-neck pace, faeries were still faster and Cardan soon caught up to her. His hand closed around her upper arm and demanded her to stop in her tracks or else topple over. Resentfully, she stopped and spun around to face him and with all the anger and hurt inside her she shoved him against his chest. Hard. Yet he barely staggered back. Still, it felt good to release that pent up energy. She shoved him again. He continued to stand there without any hint of defending himself.

“Fight! Back!” With each word she shoved him again and when she was met with no response, she hit her open palm against his chest. “Fight me back!”

“No, Jude.”

“Do it!” 

Blindly, she continued to push against his chest, each shove getting weaker than the last. Finally, his arms went around her so he was holding her from behind as her knees gave out. Though his grip wasn’t overbearing, she was crying hard enough that she couldn’t unpin her arms from where he held them to her sides. He fell to his knees as she collapsed onto the ground and held her as she sobbed and stopped struggling against him. She could feel his heart hammering against her spine and she tried to will it to stop. Just stop already. Emotions warred inside her. She both wanted to curl up further into his arms and stab him in the throat. In the end, she did the former.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered so quietly she wasn’t sure if he even really said it. “I can explain. Come home, Jude. Come home.”

[wackygoofball]

Moodboard: Jaime x Brienne - Shadowhunters AU

Brienne of Tarth has been quite busy at the King’s Landing Institute. The Clave assigned the young Shadowhunter a new case to investigate. Mundanes were murdered in odd fashion, a mixture of signatures one would associate with demons, warlocks and the like. Brienne travels to the latest crime scene, surprised to see someone already examining it, the infamous Jaime Lannister, the only honorably discharged Shadowhunter. He killed the former head of the King’s Landing Institute, Aerys Targaryen, and as a result was thrown out.

“Go to hell, Lannister. You are not allowed anywhere near Clave operations.”

“Have already been there, don’t fancy revisiting it. Thanks a lot.”

“Why are you here anyway?”

“Interest? And I am of interest to you because I may happen to have some valuable information, though you will have to ask me for it, nicely, I may add.”

“I think I can handle on my own.”

“I’ll be here once you realize that you need me… what was your name again?”

“None of your business.”

“Odd name. Is it Braavosi?”

“None of you business.”

“You can call me Jaime, just Jaime.”

Brienne just leaves the man standing where he is to investigate for herself. However, to her great dismay, the latest victim does no give her any new clues. When she walks back she is not really surprised but still irritated by the fact that the Kingslayer still lurks around the crime scene, looking at her oh so smugly. Begrudgingly, she asks him for the information he claimed to have. If he has some valuable intel, it is her obligation to obtain it, after all. Her opinion of him should not stand in the way of that.

“There’s one trademark achingly absent from this, wouldn’t you agree?”

“… No Seelie signature.”

“Would seem odd to me that if someone were to pain all Downworlders as bad, that someone would conveniently leave out those nasty always-telling-the-truth-though-not-really Seelies.”

“And do you have anything to support your hypothesis?”

“I may.”

“And you won’t share?”

“I don’t think you have asked me nicely yet.”

“I am fairly sure I did not, because I had no intention to.”

“But you want that intel, don’t you?”

“If you can’t give it, I doubt you even have it, in which case you still remain a waste of my valuable time.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“An educated guess.”

Brienne remains irritated by the man, but against many, many odds, he apparently has some valuable information that may prove vital to the case, leading all the way back to Seelie King Jaqen H’ghar.

Dutifully, Brienne reports back to the ops, leaving a very disappointed Jaime behind as he was hoping she’d at least treat him a coffee for his troubles, but no such luck. Head of the Institute Ned Stark is pleased to hear about the progress on the case she’s made but shows little enthusiasm once she tells him about the unexpected help she received from the Kingslayer.

“He’s up to no good,” he warns her.

“I am aware, but he helped me find evidence I needed to put things together. And I honestly thinks we are on to something bigger than the involvement of the Seelies in the latest attacks.”

“If you know what’s good for you, you will stay away from him in the future, though. That man cannot be trusted, and he has any reason to have something against us, against the Clave. We don’t know what his motivation is.”

“I have any intention to stay clear of him, but if meeting the Kingslayer again serves the Law, I will do what it takes to uphold it, Sir.”

With that, Brienne leaves the office to continue putting her report into writing. She runs into Ned’s daughters Arya and Sansa.

They grey on her by now, and Brienne started to feel responsible for them after their father was gone for a long time, having left everyone, his children included, under the belief that he died like his wife and son and his son’s wife did. Warlock Petyr Baelish collaborated against Ned after Robert’s demise, and it was owed to Varys’s quick thinking and passing him off as dead that bought them the necessary time to get Ned out of the dangerzone and find the people behind the plot. Ever since, things have been strained between the last of the Starks, to say the least, as the girls did not take kindly to the loss of their father and his sudden, unexpected return. While he was gone, Arya in particular joined a dark path, ran away and spent far too much time with the Seelies instead of fellow Shadowhunters. Sansa barely speaks to her father and retreated into herself, focusing most of her attention on handling the administrative duties she was assigned. Brienne took care of the girls after Arya returned to the Institute, for reasons unknown, and while the girls struggle, they grew to have some trust the tall, mannish woman. However, as much as they may have grown to trust Brienne they learned to mistrust their father. Ned, ever since, failed to reconnect with his children. And the fact that he became head of the Institute does not necessarily help the matter as he has little time to spend with his family even though all are in desperate need for just that. Brienne continues to push him, but to no avail.

The man is even more stubborn than she is, and that surely means something.

The blonde Shadowhunter goes back to her usual routines thereafter, but strange occurrences drive her out of the office out into the streets sooner rather than later, as evidence keeps suggesting to her that there is an uprising that may connect to the Night King whom all thought was defeated during the last Long Night. However, that was such a long time ago that people only see it as legend now, though Brienne is afraid that this legend may come to haunt them again if they don’t do something.

And as much as she hates it, this is damn well close to what the Kingslayer suggested to her back when he offered some intel during the Seelie case. He was the only one she ran into until now who had a similar suspicion.

Not knowing where else to turn with her theories, as authorities remain indifferent to her suspicions, Brienne tracks down the Kingslayer. However, disappointment soon overtakes her surge of enthusiasm as she finds Jaime drunk and miserable about himself after a rough night of “memories, too many memories,” as he lulls at her. Brienne isn’t having it and tells the man to get himself together if he means to stay true what he told her, wanting to solve that mystery as much as she. Jaime sobers up somewhat once he realizes just how serious the woman is, not just bothering to track him down but now also expecting better of him.

He didn’t have people put faith in him in a long, long time, after all.

“We have a common goal and the Clave won’t give the orders to further investigate unless I bring the evidence needed. If what you and I came up with turns out to be true, even to the smallest degree, then we may have the second Long Night on our hands and we have to stop it. It may well be that there may be a new uprising of the living dead we banished beyond the Wall. And as much as I hate to admit, you got further down the road than I did with my methods.”

“So that means you trust me?”

“I am willing to have a truce with you.”

“A truce.”

“We both have a common goal, which is to figure out what is going on with the murders, what’s the reason behind it all,” she tells him. “A truce would allow us to work together for this case only.”

“A truce… it does have a nice ring to it.”

“If you think so, meet me tomorrow and sleep off your hangover because I am here for business, not to become your personal nanny.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Jaime keeps true to his word and shows up at his most presentable the next day, quick to suggest to Brienne that if they want to get to the bottom of this, they have to reach beyond “familiar turfs and venture through the neighbors’ gardens,” which is his way of telling her that they should consult with Downworlders. Brienne is not particularly pleased about that as she was taught to stay clear of them the best she can but tags along anyway.

The Kingslayer brings her to the Dwarf Warlock of King’s Landing. It is only once she sees the two together that Brienne pieces together that this warlock is Tyrion and that Tyrion is Jaime’s brother. As they explain to her, Tyrion was abandoned after his warlock mark was discovered. Tywin had Jaime believe that Tyrion passed away from sickness but actually had him brought away to be with the warlocks instead.

“I am a thing of curiosity in all worlds there are. To the mundanes, I am a simple dwarf with a drinking problem. To my father and sister, I am a monster. To the Shadowhunters I am a warlock with dangerous abilities… and to the warlocks I am a danger all the same as I am the only warlock born from the union of two Shadowhunters, which is a thing of impossibility.”

“Which is why he started getting drunk to cope. I don’t think you’ve ever been sober since you came of age.”

“And I have no intention to start now.”

Jaime found him on a mission when he was younger and still a Shadowhunter out of the handbook when he was working a case. The two agreed to keep it a secret that they are brothers because they would not want to risk Tywin learning that Jaime and he got back together. After all, the man was willing to abandon Tyrion and tell Jaime that he died only just to know them apart.

“And Father won’t ever manage that again, we’ll see to that.”

After Jaime broke with the Clave, he spent most of his time doing nothing, waiting for the end of the Shadow World because he believes it is meant to go down, was always meant to be: “It started with Aerys and it ends with another bad guy. Fire or ice, all the same. In the end, the Shadow World is fucked and I am just here to watch the fireworks.”

Brienne calls him out on that because he came to the scene on his own. “Seems like you give a damn after all.”

“How daring of you to accuse me of caring for anyone but myself, wench.”

“An educated guess.”

Tyrion starts to take interest in not just the case his brother got himself into but also the female Shadowhunter who came to them for help. A little bit of digging around reveals some interesting information about her, namely that she is also known as the Kingslayer, a title both brothers thought was quite unique to Jaime’s case only.

When the leads keep them off the tracks and frustration starts to spread, Jaime and Brienne get into a heated argument, which soon ebbs into Jaime revealing Tyrion’s research about her and asking the really uncomfortable questions of why she is called that and why she never told him that they are “one and the same” after all.

“I am called Kingslayer still even though my case was cleared. We are not the same. I was accused of having murdered Renly Baratheon, but the charges were dropped because of a lack of evidence.”

“Which means they didn’t actually prove your innocence but just didn’t have enough against you to take your runes away.”

“I didn’t do it. Stannis did, but I don’t have the evidence to prove it and bring him to justice before the Law.”

Brienne always dreamed about becoming Renly's parabatai and hoped that he would choose her once it was time, but before Renly could even choose a partner of that sort, he was murdered. Her father wanted her to take over the Institute on Tarth as his successor, but she declined and instead went to King's Landing to stick to Cat after she helped her through the Renly trial and was supportive of her when no one else was. To repay the debt, Brienne felt all the more compelled to take care of Sansa and Arya when Catelyn passed away and they didn’t yet know that their father was still alive.

She wasn’t ready to become head of an Institute, and in Brienne’s mind, that moment won’t ever come as she doesn’t believe herself to be made of the stuff it takes to run an institute: “I don't have charisma, I don't know how to deliver great speeches to inspire people. I know how to fight. I know how to be a Shadowhunter. That is all I will ever be, and that is fine with me. That means I can devote myself to protecting the people I love.”

After that fight, the two feel a closer connection since ever as they now trust one another with their darkest secrets, even more so when Jaime reveals some of the circumstances behind his act of treason that got him dispelled.

And soon, feelings of distrust and misgiving become increasingly replaced by care and… something much stronger, something both actually gave up on long time ago, until they found it again – just with one another.

However, trouble is only ever just a step away as evidence keeps suggesting they are on the right track and they are running out of time to prevent the Long Night. Both have to face some inner demons as they have to confront their past and present, Jaime having to face up against Ned Stark and Brienne having to come to terms with the circumstances of Renly’s death.

When the two discover what has to be done in order to save not just their world but of all others, mundanes and Downworlders alike, and how much sacrifice that may mean not just for themselves but for them together, it puts not just their devotion to the cause to the test but also forces them into the tough choice of how far they are willing to go for duty, if love the price for it.

[pricechecktranslations]

TTDS: The Ring of Evil; Chapter 3

Torture Tower Doesn’t Sleep: The Ring of Evil infomine under the cut

Scene 1

The fifth floor of Torcia tower has a room where torture devices are maintained and made. It has a chandelier with many candles on it (despite the fact that the room is actually relatively small). Maiden is inside, being worked on by Garnes (she’s in her iron maiden form, having been disassembled to receive repairs). The part that looks like a face is where her consciousness lies (still aware of what’s going on). Maiden laments that she’s bored, and despite the fact that she’s not able to physically talk, Garnes hears her anyway.

They talk a little bit about him making her. The iron maidens Maiden uses are just copies of her). He is not the one who made Rack.

He reveals that Gibbet has returned to the tower with Rabiah in tow.

Rack suddenly bursts in, revealing they have intruders. Garnes says they’ll have to make do on their own—Maiden is in pieces and he can’t put her together that fast. Rack huffs and walks out, Garnes assuring Maiden that he doesn’t think there’ll be any fighting this time.

Scene 2

We open to Rabiah (pretending to be Blood Asterisk, hiding the star on his face with makeup) and Gibbet receiving Danny and co as guests. They get pleasantries out of the way, ignoring the elephant in the room that Benji and Raymond know exactly who they are already. Benji and Raymond have a brief whispered argument about whether to stay or not now that they’ve confirmed their suspicions.

Rabiah eventually interjects himself, acknowledging Raymond and saying he wants to keep him from causing trouble in his “wife”’s home. He goes into this speech that’s a little hard for me to read because there’s a lot of kanji I don’t know so well, but the gist of it is essentially that if they do anything to them now or break into the tower without invitation, it’ll be viewed as a political plot and punished as such (he’s given himself political immunity).

Raymond steams on this for a bit (most of which is reasons why Rabiah’s full of it, such as Benji’s organization killing the mayor of Mercerie and Romarius having an in with King Helios VII). He thinks it’s a stupid position, until he looks to Gibbet and realizes what’s really going on.

This is Gibbet’s payback. Raymond (being practiced in deception himself) realizes what’s going on—they don’t expect this plan to work. (This part is also hard to read but essentially, Raymond sees them as simply doing this to make fun of him—“look how ridiculous you are, pretending to be human and living by their rules”). Rather than be angry, he thinks that’s a rather human thing of Gibbet to do.

Raymond bids his friends to leave with him, but Rabiah calls them to stop, Rack walking in the room. Rack tells Gibbet something, and Gibbet (begrudgingly) permits Raymond and co to leave. This surprises him—he suspects that they have a reason for not wanting to fight (like being at a disadvantage), and so wonders if they should stick around.

While he ultimately decides against it, Danny glares at Gibbet and suddenly speaks up. He asks her about Cynthia and Ian. He reveals that when he was sick, he heard the two of them talking about going to the tower to get the pot of Basuzu. Then they went missing. Gibbet dodges the issue, and Danny shows her his bracelet (the same as the one he gave Cynthia). Basically, Danny wants to find proof that Cynthia was here by looking for the bracelet, and his questioning is making Gibbet angry.

Fortunately for all of them, Danny backs down. They leave, and Raymond reflects on Danny and his connection to all this, as well as Raymond’s own involvement in Benji’s group. He also wonders what Romalius’ real aim is in all this.

They run into Luna, who’s furious at Benji for going into the tower ahead of schedule (based on the way they’re interacting and the way she’s talking to him I wonder if she’s the girlfriend he left behind in the royal capital). She stops attacking Benji when she sees Raymond, and they are properly introduced to each other.

Scene 3

Raymond and Tsukumo are attending Benji’s organization’s meeting in Romalius’ stead. Apparently this isn’t the full extent of the organization, just its key members. Outside of Raymond, Luna, Benji, and Tsukumo, there the blond haired boy and Isaac (the young black-haired boy).

Isaac hair is long in the back, and has a kind of wild air about him. The blonde (the traveler Benji met first) meanwhile is very plain. Raymond feels he resembles someone he knows, but can’t think of who.

Danny is not a member, just a collaborator. He wants to find out what happened to Ian and Cynthia. And of course, Garnes is “too busy” to attend.

Benji introduces the blond boy (I think? It’s vague who exactly he’s addressing but there’s only so many people in the room) as “Magion Blanken” (magion buranken), a merchant hailing from the southern port town of Pharma (faruma).

Before they can get much farther, Isaac chews Benji out for going to the tower the day before. Benji explains that it was to confirm the new mayor’s identity. Magion speaks up and reveals how much he knows about the subject, having investigated on his own beforehand. He’s arranged to meet with her in a café in town three days from now. Benji tells him to go for it, as he’s the only one whose face she hasn’t seen (Luna having been hanging around the tower every day).

While Luna gives her report, Raymond wonders what Romalius is trying to achieve here. As a note, Romarius has his own personal military unit, apparently. It seems that rather than just being after Beritoad, he’s after the tower itself.

When the meeting’s over, Raymond and Tsukumo return to the carriage where Bateau is waiting. After a time he announces that once he’s dropped the two of them off at the inn, he’s going to go fetch Romalius. Raymond attempts to probe Bateau for information on Romalius’ plans but Bateau brushes him off (sort of) and claims he has nothing to worry about.

There follows an exchange about shivering and such (because it’s cold) that isn’t really important except for that it ends with Bateau admitting that Romalius is a fearful person. Soon enough he gets them to the inn.

Scene 4

The scene begins entirely from Maiden’s internal narrative, now back to her humanoid form. She reflects on herself and her relationship with humans. Gibbet hates them and Rack views them as toys, but Maiden sees herself as saving them from a harsh world by killing them (referring to death as a way to lead them to “utopia”).

Then the narrative pulls back. Garnes is still there. He’s finished doing the repair work. He had to work on the other iron maidens too—they’re all shiny and polished, all the spikes inside correctly aligned and cleaned of blood. Maiden’s not sure what’s different about them and herself. She asks Garnes and he tells her she’ll find out soon.

He leaves to give his report that he’s finished to Beritoad. She has a lot she wants to ask him, but can’t find the words to. She also has the feeling he’s never coming back to that room.

Scene 5

Opens on Garnes telling Beritoad he’s all done. Beritoad suggests he stick around and do repair work on the other torture devices, but Garnes turns him down. He isn’t the kind to work on other people’s torture devices (and he also doesn’t want to work for a wraith who might kill him like he did the other torture device technicians).

They banter a bit on that, before Garnes reveals that he knows about rack—and furthermore, he knows she isn’t really a torture device (and that she’s currently regaining her true self). Beritoad, enraged, cuts him off before he can finish speaking and demands Gibbet kill him. Garnes manages to escape (apparently by…tossing a tin bird at her).

Beritoad tells Gibbet to check on Maiden, then thinks back to what Garnes said about Rack. She’s currently meeting with Amo now (she isn’t actually able to keep it a secret from Beritoad). He can’t do anything about Amo, and besides which Rack won’t be able to open the trapdoor anyway (only Beritoad can).

Beritoad wonders why Hank picked this place for them to live (not quiiiiite sure how this relates). He hadn’t known what the tower was created for until after Hank had died, and by then it was too late for him to leave it. He wishes he’d been able to take Crossrosier’s headquarters for himself six months back, but Tsukumo messed that up. Although, it’s also because of the tower that he didn’t lose all his power, and that he’s been regaining it quicker than expected.

Basically a lot of hinting at the “secret” of Torcia and how it relates to Rack and such. Also that Beritoad is very, very close to having his powers back.

Scene 6

Opens on Gibbet, and her task of bringing people to the tower, and how it’s gotten harder. Recap on the Pot of Basuzu thing. Basically throughout this segment she likens people to ants, and her trapping humans to someone trapping ants (and how the “queen ant” in this case eventually tells the ants to avoid the trap). So she decided to become the “queen ant” herself.

She uses Rabiah’s connections in human society (having developed them in the time he spent outside of the tower) to maneuver herself into that position. She would have liked to use his connections and Beritoad’s money to rule more than just Lion City, but unfortunately Helios knows Rabiah’s face, so they can’t draw too much attention to themselves.

Unfortunately, Benji is there getting in the way with his “organization”. A bit of reflection on what she knows of them, and the issue with Raymond (an ant with wings, as it were). She gets all fired up thinking about how she wants to crush him, which Rabiah notices.

She doesn’t hate Rabiah, but she doesn’t enjoy the pretense of being married they have going on, and having to live with him. She speculates this is because he’s a raven.

She says she’s going out to go meet with people as the mayor’s wife. She’s going to try luring more into the tower. This seems to be more out of a result of wanting to get away from Rabiah for a bit though (again—doesn’t hate him, but he tries her patience).

Scene 7

Opens on Magion’s meeting with Gibbet at the cafe. Magion Blanken is the head (commander) of the “Southern Merchants Alliance” (very rough translation of that). The gist is them discussing what he’s doing in town (after he stares at her intently for a moment)—that he wants to do business in Lion City, and bring their local merchants into the merchant alliance to revitalize their ailing economy.

While he’s talking, Gibbet notices he’s wearing a purple-red artificial flower pin—it’s like the kind she likes to have in the tower. Magion explains it’s a 湖風草 (? There doesn’t seem to be an established translation of this I can see—lake-wind-grass?). It’s a flower that only grows near Pharma. Gibbet recognizes both the name of the town and the flower, despite having never been there.

Back to business, Magion needs permission for his merchants to operate in town, to show the ones here how it’s done and encourage them to join despite their previous refusal to (assuring her his alliance has no intention of taking over the town). Gibbet is freaking out a little and cuts the meeting short, promising to talk to “Asterisk” about it. They’ll meet again in ten days’ time. She practically flees, feeling a headache come on.

Once she’s gone, Benji goes to speak to Magion, having been watching secretly out of concern for him. Magion claims it went well, though Benji is unable to see that he’s slightly trembling.

Scene 8

Raymond is back in the room that he once rented a year ago. Nothing’s changed since then. (God, I miss Lloyd). He wondered if Tsukumo will be able to put up with the size, but she’s much better at adapting than he is. This is likely due to her bad memory.

The only thing she remembers is Raymond, and he’s come to realize that the reason she never strays from him is because she’s worried she’ll forget him too if she isn’t around him all the time. He’s not sure how to feel about this—he can’t be by her side forever.

He’s woken in the middle of the night by Danny. He apologizes for the whole thing with going to the tower again, and then asks Raymond if he can look for something the next time he’s there—the bracelet he gave his sister (it’s the same as his own). He knows Ian and Cynthia are probably dead, but he just wants closure. Even in Ian’s case, despite all he did he still looked up to him as though he was an older brother.

Raymond reflects on Danny’s attitude, recalling his own ruthlessness from a year before and noticing that he’s become a much kinder person since then. He thinks of all the people he’s met in that time, and wonders where the change started.

He then agrees to go find the bracelet for Danny.

As a note, there’s a half moon that night.

Scene 9

This is a few days later. Rack is gazing up at the sky tonight from the roof. The moon will be full in two or three days’ time. She can tell that something is going to happen during the next full moon, but not what.

She wants to go see Amo, to get her mind off her anxiety and hear the conclusion of the story of the princess and the servant.

Gibbet is waiting for her in the dining room instead of Amo. Rack forgot to feed Johanson and Robinson, which she scolds her for. She also tells Rack that Magion is coming to the tower along with probably ten of his underlings in three days, and to prepare for their arrival. They discuss their plans a little (Rabiah is going to be involved. Also, neither are sure what Garnes changed in Maiden), Rack acting her normal cheerful self despite her nameless misgivings. Gibbet eventually leaves to go rest.

Once she’s gone, Rack opens the hole in the wall. The light doesn’t quite reach the trap door this time. This doesn’t bother Rack though—she just grabs a glass bottle to shift the light in the right direction.

[missjackil]

What I Think is Happening

We saw a big focus on Dean and Jack’s relationship this past episode, and I think it’s for a plot reason. No, its not so Sam can be sidelined because Jack is popular so TPTB want to make him Dean’s son instead, but because Dean and Jack need some ground to be made up for starters. We all already know Sam and Cas are very close to Jack, but Dean was harsh on him until the end of 13x04 last year, and soon after, Jack got lost in the AU. And then this season, Jack recently said that if Michael cant be killed without killing Dean, then Dean dies too, so even if thats all water under the bridge, it was still bad water, and they need to come together. That’s part 1. 

Part 2 is that, a common SPN pattern is that something gets built up before being torn down, or strongly challenged. They tend to play up relationships or roles right before something comes along to crush it or change it drastically.  Remember in S1, Sam and John fought tooth and nail until they had a heart to heart talk and then soon after, John died. Later in S5, Sam and Dean were at odds right before each chose each  other. Or S11 when an emphisis was put on Sam and Dean being together and Dean never leaving Sam, and then ending on Dean needing to choose the world over Sam and Sam accepting it.  What I think is probably happening here, is that soon, Dean will be trying to kill Jack (as Michael!Dean) or Jack trying to kill Dean (however that may come about) and most likely. Sam needing to make a choice between Jack and Dean. 

Supernatural is a horror/drama show. Emphisis on drama. Any way to kick us in the feels, they will do. If this isnt what you like, then there are a bunch of other shows that don’t deal in drama to choose from, this one however, likes making us cry, and get angry, and scared and stressed. Im pretty sure this is about to be one of those things,

Remember that Jack was able to kill Michael but he didnt, so as Im convinced Michael is still in Dean but hiding, its probably coming soon that Michael!Dean tries to kill him. Of course in attempt to protect himself in case Jack recovers his grace and then will be strong enough to kill him again. Same way hes been looking for dark Kaia’s spear.  So why does this story arch have to be Dean’s and not Sam’s? Because it would have never  made any sense for Sam to have been unaccepting of Jack, unless Jack was bad. However, Jack is good, and no better way make a new character likable, than to have Sam like them.  Imagine if it was Dean who accepted Jack first and not Sam? Sam would have a valid reason to, with him being Lucifer’s son and all, and it would feel wrong , or OOC for Dean to like Lucifers son when Sam didnt and samgirls and bibros alike would be side eyeing Dean, like “How could you do this to Sam? He’s the son of the entity who tortured him for 180 yrs and taunts him to this day!” And then after a few episodes, Sam for whatever reason warms up to him. It would always be in our mind that he’s rightfully uncomfortable around Jack, and we’d wonder if Sam wasnt just keeping the peace, for Dean’s sake, and still quietly hates Jack.  Jack wouldnt be as well loved as he is, if this arc had gone the other way and when the question of chosing one over the other rears its ugly head, it wouldnt be as dramatic.  As we learned in the last 13+ seasons, is that Sam and Dean will die for each other, kill for each other, destroy the universe for each other, and that wont ever change, but throw in someone they both love as a son, and now you have a problem. If one brother would choose Jack over the other, it wouldnt be that they love him more than their brother. It would be that they do love Jack, and hes so young and hasnt even had a chance to live yet, and they know their brother is more than willing to be a martyr, and has more often than not, wanted to die and stay dead. Now we truly do have a moral delema. This also wouldnt be as dramatic if the boys needed to choose between their mother and each other, because even though many of us dont hate Mary, I dont think we’d hurt too much if she died.  If this happens, Im pretty sure, that something else will interviene and the choice wont have to be made. Like when Lucifer was holding Dean by the throat and telling Sam to either say “yes” or Dean dies. Something happened so that the choice never needed to be made, and to this day, we dont know how Sam would have chosen. We could say “Oh well obviously, hed say yes, because he wont let Dean die” but, he DID just tell Lucifer he was ready to watch the people he loves die, but he isnt ready to be his bitch. So really, we dont know what Sam would have chosen in the moment.  So while I wont lie and say Im not salty about low Sam content thus far this season, I am finding the other stories unfolding very interesting. Even what would seem to be very boring stories, have potential to go a very interesting way. I generally dont care about the demons, but what if the fact that they have no ruler, and are scared of Sam, that he unintentionally became the King of Hell?

 I dont give a crap about the Angels either, but what if the only way to save them (and yes of course Cas will try to save them) is to release them from The Empty which also unloads a bunch of nasty demons from the past that the boys have killed? Azazel. Lilith. Alistare Ruby? (note: bringing back dead follks has been part of the shows actual formula since S2 and its not going to change. Accept it and stop crying whenever it happens. you dont have to be a fan of the person they brought back, but just accept its always been part of the show) So obviously now, Lucifer is coming back and I too am tired of the character, but I accept that Lucifer will always be the series long big bad and we’ll have to deal with him off and on till the very end. However, now that he has Jack’s grace and Nick has made it obvious that hes a psychopath, what if Lucifer comes back as freakin scary, and not the spoiled 16 yr old he was? How much worse could he be to Sam then? So yeah, I see lots of interesting potential that could unfold from these stories.  This brings me to my final thought. And its just a thought, something Ive been batting around since yesterday. What if Michael is making Jack sick? Just hear me out. Jack wasnt sick till Dean came home. We dont know of him being sick while Cas had him away on a hunting trip, he got sicker after spending time with Dean in 14x06, and is now near death after spending the afternoon with Dean. Dean had a couple of dizzy spells, and possibly even some lapses in memory. Not remembering Jacks last name, when he was born, (but yes, these just may have been normal confusion in the heat of the moment) but Michael can obviously manipulate the biology of a creature. like giving the Djinn more powers that he only needs to touch someone to make their nightmares come to life. What if he’s manipulating Jacks health and when he does so, it makes Dean dizzy? I mean he cant just snap his fingers and Jack explode or he’ll blow his cover right? Make it look natural and no one will suspect anything. Anyway. that part is just a thought. Im sure there’s holes but, it does make me wonder :)

[hoynovoy]

'Younger's Best Author Parodies, From Quinn Tyler To Edward L.L. Moore

New York media has been the backdrop for what feels like millions of TV shows about women chasing their dreams. But so few get it right. (I’ll never forget the series in which a magazine editor berates a writer, “You didn’t even leave space in this story for ads!” Which, for the uninitiated, is something an editor would never be concerned with.) But despite Younger’s outlandish premise — a rom-com about a 40-year-old woman passing for 26 — it’s become perhaps the most authentic show ever about the world of book publishing. Through seven seasons, it’s delivered plots that lived and died by the peculiar inner workings of publishing — and managed to make dishy twists out of inside-baseball stuff like bulk sales and imprint/parent company dynamics. Don’t tell anyone who worked on my own novel, but the jargon I tossed off in conversation? Hilary Duff taught me all of it.

The best part of Younger’s evolution into an industry love letter is its prescient author characters, who always feel ripped from the splashiest book world conversations. See: this season’s Greta Thunberg dupe, played to yellow-slickered perfection by Nadia Alexander. “She has our favorite name from Season 7,” writer and executive producer Dottie Zicklin tells Bustle. “Füpa Grünhoff. Her name wouldn’t clear [with the show’s lawyers] until the umlauts were added!”

Füpa is just the latest in the show’s list of standout faux scribes, whose spot-on plotlines were in part the work of the show’s anonymous publishing consultant, who helped guide the staff on the industry’s trends and conversations. We still can’t reveal his or her identity, but we did get to talk to the consultant — along with Younger creator Darren Star, Dottie Zicklin, and fellow executive producer and writer Eric Zicklin — to get the stories behind how the show’s most iconic fake authors came to life.

Season 1: Jane Krakowski as Annabelle Bancroft

Bancroft, played with nightmare-diva energy by the 30 Rock star, was based on Sex and the City author Candace Bushnell. Star famously made the series based on that book, so an homage to Bushnell — in the form of Bancroft’s iconic scenester who spends her book launch party smoking indoors and fixating on the size of the crowd — felt like a safe place to start testing author parodies. “I thought Jane was hilarious playing [a version] of my friend Candace,” Star says. “She really made me laugh.” Writer and executive producer Eric Zicklin adds: “We loved her double-bounce off the glass door most of all.” (Bancroft runs into the door while chasing her coke dealer. Twice.)

Season 2: Kobi Libii as Rob Olive

This caricature of John Green — complete with a soulful leather necklace — hit just as I realized I was reading books about dying teen lovers almost exclusively. Libii is perfectly troubled and self-serious as the bestseller workshopping a Fault in Our Stars-style YA romance with Hilary Duff’s Kelsey at lunch. (Ever the brilliant brainstormer, it’s Kelsey who comes up with the idea for a hospice prom.) “We learned the term ‘sick lit,’ and the genre seemed natural for Millennial Press’ readers,” Dottie Zicklin says. “Trying to say John Green” — aka the author of Fault — “without using the words ‘John’ or ‘Green’ led to a great name.” Long live Rob Olive.

Season 2: Justine Lupe as Jade Winslow

With Lupe’s flaky influencer character, Younger dipped into the hazards of traditional publishing chasing Instagram sensations — Winslow gets a huge memoir advance, then fails to deliver a single page of work. (Liza has to cobble together a draft from the girl’s Instagram captions.) “The younger Younger writers brought up Cat Marnell as inspiration,” Eric Zicklin says. Marnell, a former beauty editor and socialite, wrote the smash 2017 memoir How to Murder Your Lifeabout her drug addiction and magazine-world adventures. “That story led Kelsey and Liza into learning about the balance between hype and substance.”

Season 2: Richard Masur as Edward L.L. Moore

Between his aggressive rascalling around the office and his misogyny, the show’s George R.R. Martin homage became its best work in terms of authentic publishing tension holding up plotlines. Martin’s Crown of Kings fantasy series is key to Empirical staying afloat, so he gets away with — well, not murder, but making Liza wear a fur bikini in Times Square might actually be worse? It takes Empirical far too long to do the right thing and drop the author. (Right around the time Moore debuted on the show, publishing was scrambling to reckon with its own legacy of harassment.) And when they do, Moore strikes back, outing Liza as the 40-something she is. The writers didn’t know when they started writing the character’s arc that he would unpin the show’s central secret. “We had no idea how instrumental he would become in exposing Liza,” Star says. “But Richard Masur was so hilarious that I wanted to bring him back and back and back.”

Season 3: Jay Wilkison as Colin McNichol

Remember the guy who asked Kelsey at the end of their first date to take a look at his novel? Or did you try to forget you ever heard the chilling invitation, “Come on in, I’ll print you out a copy”? Ah, the perils of being a single girl presiding over New York’s hottest imprint. Kelsey actually dates Colin for a while anyway — his 600-page epic turns out to be good, by her measure — but it doesn’t stop the character from feeling It-Boy insufferable all the way through his arc. (Which includes Netflix jumping on the option for his book, naturally.) As for the trend that inspired Colin? The big-money debut epic that seemed to dominate publishing years ago — see books that scored massive paydays like The Art of Fielding or City on Fire — has subsided somewhat. But Younger’s publishing consultant says it’s never really gone. “I think there was a moment where books like that were happening more often, but it could still happen,” the consultant says. “Everyone knows attention spans are shrinking, but people still want to find that ‘It Book’ of the year.”

Season 4: Kristin Chenoweth as Marylynne Keller

Younger’s first episode in the post-Trump era featured Chenoweth as a Kellyanne Conway sendup who declares the world post-facts and claims that “Truth is a four-letter word.” (When Charles corrects her math, saying truth has five letters, she purrs: “Not the way I spell it.”) One trillion bonus points to costume design for the jacket that mirrors Conway’s inauguration outfit. “Not to say the show was ahead of the culture,” Dottie Zicklin jokes, “but when the national conversation became about Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer cajoling the truth, we felt like we were already on that topic. Liza was living it from episode one.”

Season 5: Gina Gershon as Chrissie Hart

If you had Patti Smith’s Just Kids and Chrissie Hynde’s Reckless on your rockstar memoir shelf, you were so ready for this plotline starring Gershon in heavy bangs and week-old eyeliner. She plays Chrissie Hart, a famous singer whose memoir Charles and Liza chase to Shelter Island. (Obviously, Chrissie Hart doesn’t email drafts, because the internet is suspect.) The head of a major publisher personally retrieving a manuscript, messenger-style? Zany but plausible, the show’s consultant confirms. “If anyone’s ever worked on celebrity books, they are their own beasts — totally fun and awful and amazing,” the consultant says. “You know what you’re in for, and yet we can’t help ourselves because they sell and they’re glamorous to work on.”

Season 6: Willa Fitzgerald as Audrey Colbert

Fitzgerald, um, kills it in this tribute to wink-wink-did-I-murder-someone-or-not books. Her character goes around shopping a memoir meant to refute her villain status on a Serial-like podcast; she’s chaperoned by Michael Urie’s Redmond. (The only lit agent in New York, according to Younger, but would I want Urie sharing screen time? I would not.) Fitzgerald’s dead-eyed smize is what gives this character her hall of fame status. As Dottie Zicklin says, “Willa was able to give that staredown that says ‘beware’ and ‘I might have sex with you right now.’” Eventually, though, a press outcry kills the project — totally realistic, according to the show’s consultant. “If you are dealing with someone who the public believes to be guilty, or unworthy of a book deal, that can bring a major backlash,” the consultant says. “See Jonathan Mattingly or Josh Hawley — and, years ago, O.J. Simpson.” Yeah, remember If I Did It? Unlike Beaufort Books, the shop behind that one, Empirical eventually declined to publish Colbert’s book.

Season 6-7: Laura Benanti as Quinn Tyler

Quinn is the one Younger author who’s transcended cameo status. Once a Sheryl Sandberg parody in a wiggle dress, she’s become a prolonged meditation on the subject of women doing it all. “To us, the key to Quinn was understanding that she’s just as smart and successful and impulsive, and just as tone-deaf, as any male billionaire,” Eric Zicklin says. This season, Quinn becomes much more than a villain with an endless font of ice-queen comebacks — proof that Younger is well versed in publishing’s golden rule: Never judge a book by its cover.

Get More Dating Advice Here

[emubop]

Adding on to my post from yesterday, I’m just gonna list all the issues I have with Disco (a separate list of the things I love soon to come!)

Under a cut for length and for spoilers. Seriously. Major spoilers ahead. And tw for discussions of character death, if that bothers you.

With that in mind, let’s get to it! (This is in no particular order, btw.)

Starting with the last two episodes, since they’re pretty fresh in my mind - they felt very rushed. I’ve seen some people say that the season should have ended right when they got back from the mirrorverse, and I completely agree. The final arc felt like it needed at least two more episodes to be fleshed out. I wanted to see more of the characters actually dealing with what happened in the mirrorverse, and having time for development; and while we got a little bit of that between Michael and Ash, it wasn’t very much. And like, I get why. When you’ve only got two episodes to get the plot where you need it to go, of course character development is going to be sacrificed for time. Which is why I think they should have either a) added more episodes to the end of season one, or b) ended the season with the mirror arc, so that they’d have more time to explore the Klingon war thing at the beginning of season 2. Disco has some very wonderful characters who are very deserving of development and growth, and it’s unfortunate that they didn’t get it.

Culber’s death... This is the main point where I’m like “yeah, I don’t blame you for not liking the show anymore,” because I came very close to that too. In the end, I do still think I like the rest of the show overall, but this part... I just about stopped watching. In short - the way the show treated Dr. Culber was absolutely shitty. Sure, I’m like 99% certain they’ll end up bringing him back in season 2, but in the meantime, he’s still very much dead. And NOT ONLY did they use the “bury your gays” trope, but out of only TWO gay characters, they buried the man of color. Like... that’s just... what the fuck.

I’m expanding this into multiple points, bc it’s the biggest point I have. Culber’s death is legitimately the worst thing Disco has done. Not only just the fact that they killed him, but how they did it. His death was violent, sudden, and meaningless. The main characters barely even get to react to it before moving on. His killer doesn’t face trial or repercussions. (Note - I personally see Voq as being entirely the murderer and not Tyler, since Tyler had no agency in the killing and was if anything just a tool, but either way, no justice is served.) And then we, the audience, have to see the brutal killing scene AGAIN in the “previously on” section of the next episode or two, which makes it seem like they’re using this horrific event as mere shock value. I literally felt sick to my stomach watching it. What happened was disgusting, and I can’t blame anyone for not wanting to watch the show anymore because of it.

I trust Wilson Cruz. I trust Anthony Rapp. I trust them when they say that there’s a plan, that Culber will come back, that this will work out at some point. Their reassurances do help me personally to make some measure of peace with the situation. I don’t want to think that two openly gay actors would sign onto the script if this is how it ends between their characters. But right now, Culber is still dead, for no good reason that I can see, and it still stings. This is justifiably upsetting. And until I see him come back with my own two eyes, yeah, I’m not gonna be happy about it.

Aaaaand speaking of death, let’s talk about Georgiou. I just... that’s not a good way to start your show off, ngl. You take a very strong and deep character, played by Michelle Yeoh no less, and then just kill her? It’s bad writing. They could have easily had Michael transferred off the Shenzhou and arrested and kept Captain Georgiou alive. They could have even kept the whole “tragic backstory” thing in play, with Michael and Philippa no longer on speaking terms, and Michael mourning the loss of what was once such a close relationship. (I do appreciate that they brought her back as her mirror counterpart - and boy howdy the Emperor is a good character - so that does take a little bit of the sting out, but still. Not the best way to open the show.)

And then Landry dies in both universes?? I can accept mirror!Landry dying because of the whole “Lorca’s second hand” thing, but like... god, this show has got to stop killing off poc. Especially woc. I can understand that they’re trying to do a “raceblind” thing, and I understand their reasoning - the whole “it’s a utopian future and everyone is treated the same!” thing - but it doesn’t really work like that irl for the audience. Unless someone is actually literally colorblind and sees everything in greyscale, no one has any business saying they “don’t see color.” And no one should be casting with that mindset. The situation could certainly be a lot worse - they’ve got Michael, at least, and she’s fucking amazing - but it could also be better.

And yeah, it’s a warzone, and people are going to die. I get that. But just... do some critical thinking about who you’re killing, why, and if it can be avoided. If for no other reason, it makes the story a lot stronger in the long run.

It’s the year of our lord twenty-gayteen, can we stop having the makeup on white people playing Kingons being so hmmm questionable maybe?

(With regards to several of the above points, I’m white, so please let me know if I’m overstepping my bounds here. And like the point about Culber - I wouldn’t blame anyone for disliking/not supporting the show because of these reasons, and I’m not ever going to try to convince anyone that these things are okay. Because they aren’t. Just because I like certain elements enough to give the show a second chance with season two, doesn’t mean that anyone else will or should do the same. Continuing.)

Why the fuck is this show so obsessed with eating people? Stop it. Get some help.

The only explicitly bisexual/pansexual person we see is the Emperor, who sleeps with both a man and a woman and seems very satisfied with both parties afterwards. Which, okay, cool, except she was also trying to get information out of them, so whether or not she was even attracted to either one is debatable. I personally think she was - thanks to Michelle Yeoh’s acting, which is a goddamn gift - but that still leaves us with the only representation of bi/pan people being a murderous emperor from the mirror universe. And the “relationship” is entirely sex-based, as well as being with multiple people at once, which only furthers the stereotype of bi/pan being promiscuous, being only bi for a threesome, being untrustworthy. And to be clear, there’s nothing wrong with one night stands or poly relationships! Those things are perfectly fine! But when that’s all that bi/pan people are shown as, it can play into really damaging stereotypes - and as a bi/pan person, I’m frankly getting a little fucking sick of it.

(I mean, it’s better than DS9′s “mirrorverse=gay/bi/pan” thing, I’ll give it that, but I’m not going to give any show brownie points for reinforcing harmful stereotypes. You’ve improved slightly, Trek, but not nearly as much as you should have.)

I’m just making another point here for Dr. Culber’s death because seriously. Fucking seriously. What the fuck.

I would’ve liked to have seen more one-off episodes, like “Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad.” That was a fucking awesome episode. It’s fun! It’s got character development! I wanna see more of that!

The portrayal of Klingon culture is a bit inconsistent. And okay, to be entirely truthful, I’m really not that into Klingons in general? So having a plot centered around them wouldn’t be my first choice anyway. But if you’re going to do it, please do it right. It felt like the writers sometimes “forgot” important elements of Klingon culture for the sake of the plot, and just... come on. The Klingons are brutal warriors, yes. They’ve killed innocent civilians in the course of battle, sure. But they have a whole honor code, and going out of their way to murder thousands of helpless, defenseless people? Correct me if I’m wrong, but it just doesn’t quite seem to fit.

I really, really wanna see more of the bridge crew! I wanna get to know them! They seem so cool who are they please Disco I’m begging you

This is a very dumb, very tiny thing, but I was kinda hoping I’d see some Cardassian makeup in the crowd while we were in the Seedy Black Market on Qo’noS. Did appreciate the Trill lady tho!

I dunno, the ending almost felt... too neat? If that makes sense? I would have liked things more ambiguous, a few more loose ends. It felt like they threw in a happy ending out of nowhere; it didn’t really match the tone of the rest of the show.

Speaking of tone - it felt to me like Disco was trying to mix the upbeat, thoughtful, philosophical tone of classic Trek with the grittier, more critical, more heavy tone of DS9. I love both classic Trek and DS9, but they don’t exactly mix very well. Disco’s tone felt a bit confused and convoluted. And like, here’s the thing - classic Trek doesn’t preclude heavy subjects (”Conscience of the King” from TOS is a great example), and shows like DS9 don’t preclude fun and optimism (there’s episodes like “Explorers” that are uplifting, and “Take Me Out to the Holosuite” is a fucking delight). Star Trek at its best should always tackle difficult issues, should always have determination, should always have hope. DS9 had a more morally gray outlook, yes, and certainly questioned the idea that the Federation is utopian, but it was still underpinned by the main characters wanting to do good. Wanting to improve the world around them. It managed to do a very good job of adapting Trek’s message to its darker tone - whereas Disco feels like it’s flip-flopping between having a darker tone and trying to be like TOS. Like, buddy, just pick one. You just gotta pick one.

The more times Sarek shows up in Disco, the more he looks like a complete dick to Spock in TOS. This isn’t necessarily a complaint, because Sarek being a dick is certainly in character for him, but I’d like to see that disparity in how he treats his children addressed. By his wife. Specifically by his wife. Amanda is a national treasure and I need her to call her husband out.

idk I think there’s more but like, I’ve been working on this for hours - WAIT HANG ON

This has been bugging me since the beginning of the show, because while Michael’s mutiny was certainly a bad idea, she technically... didn’t really do much of anything before being taken to the brig? She almost has the ship fire on a Klingon vessel, but Georgiou shows up and stops her. Helm locked phasers on the vessel on Michael’s orders, yes, but earlier they locked phase cannons on the vessel for a short time, which Georgiou agreed to. Her actions during the mutiny didn’t really change their situation at all. So why does everyone blame her for starting the war?

“But she killed that Klingon during her spacewalk!” Yeah, she did, because he came charging at her with a bat’leth with the intention to kill. In that scenario, her actions were self-defense. She attempted to talk to him, he then proceeded to try to kill her, so she fought back to save her own life and ended up killing him in the process. And all this happened while she was investigating a foreign object in Federation territory. So while I can see why she was charged with mutiny and assaulting a fellow officer, I don’t think it’s fair to say that she started the war. The Klingons on the ship of the dead were planning to start shit before anyone even got there.

I can understand why Starfleet would have thought Michael started it, at least at first, because unlike the audience, they couldn’t see the Klingons planning beforehand. That’s fair. But then Ash Tyler shows up, and he’s revealed to be Voq - who was there! he knows what happened on that ship! - and eventually, he loses Voq’s consciousness but retains the guy’s memories. So Ash knows how the war started. Ash knows, or should know, that the Klingons on that ship were the instigators. Why wouldn’t he tell Starfleet before fucking off with L’Rell? He says he loves Michael, so why wouldn’t he want to set the record straight? And most importantly, why wasn’t Michael told any of this?! She’s been blaming herself for this whole war, she’s been suffering needlessly for it, let her fucking rest! Yeah, she was exonerated and accepted back into Starfleet, which is great, but it came across as “welp you basically cleaned up the mess of a war you started and saved Earth from annihilation, so I guess we’ll clear the slate for you.” It should have been more like “well given what we know now, we can say that you’re innocent of starting interstellar war; and as for the rest, stopping the destruction of Earth is a hell of a community service, so you know what? Welcome back.”

My point is, Michael Burnham has done nothing wrong, ever, in her life

Alright, at this point I think that about sums it up, and I’m tired of looking at this anyways because it’s been hours now, so uh, yeah. Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[fernlomwrites]

Tenaria Tale: Chapter 3, Colorful Intros

The ruins are beautiful. You agree with this, and walk around slowly, admiring the detailed carvings into the pillars holding up the colorful mosaic roof. Considering you are walking down a hallway staring upward at the roof, its inevitable that you bump into someone.

“What in tarnation?” A thick southern accent resounds from the tall man before you. His arms and legs a smooth chrome, dressed in blue denim overalls, a brown t-shirt, and a red baseball cap. He turns and looks down at you.

“What kind of Character are you? You look small, whats with that striped sweater? You must be a kid. Huh. “ He kneels down at looks at you in the eyes, his eyes a deep brown. “Well welcome to the ruins, im Farmer John, I grow grapes down here. Come visit my farm sometime, it’s down the hall to the right. To the left is the path to the queen’s house.”

He stands up and nods down at you. You nod back, what a pleasant conversation. Farmer John smiles slightly and walks down the hall, taking a right to go to his farm. You stand there for a bit and ponder, should you go to his farm? Or just keep going and get to Tracey’s house?

You decide to go to the farm. You recognize plot development when you see it. What do you mean I’m breaking the fourth wall too much, I’m the narrator, I can do as I please. Just get walking child.

You start walking down the hallway and take a right, immediately around the corner, rows upon rows of grape vines are filling the room, at the end of the hall was a small house. Standing at the porch of the home stood Farmer John, leaning on a post stood another man in a clean blue suit, and red rimmed glasses. The two seemed to be discussing something about cotton.

You approach and the suit man looks down at you. “Oh, a child, i can tell by the striped sweater”

He smiles and munches on an apple. You aren’t sure where he got the apple, you decide not to question it too much and move on.

“I’m Pointdexter, I help John here with the farming cause ya’know, “ he takes another bite from his apple, the previous bite somehow missing. “Fruits and stuff”

You decide to question the apple now.

“My apple? I made it”

His answer is too vague and confusing.

“I make fruits and veggies. It’s my magic. John’s magic is strength, mine’s making fruits.”

This answer is better.  He offers you an apple? Take it?

YES          NO

You decide to take an apple, even though you aren’t hungry.  You understand that it might come in handy later.

YOU HAVE ACQUIRED A RED APPLE. IT LOOKS TASTY AND RADIATES A STRANGE ENERGY.

John and Pointdexter smile at you and let you know how to get back to the main path.

You wave as you walk out, heading towards Tracey’s house.

“Psst, hey kid”

A voice whispers from the hall. You turn and see two more men leaning against a wall, the one on the right dressed in a slick black suit, brown rimmed glasses and a black hat, with a red rim. The one on the left in a simple black suit and red tie, with dark black sunglasses hiding his eyes.

“You must be new down here” the Hat wearing man smirks down at you. “You must be new down here, allow us to give you a bit of expository information”

“Convenient right? “ The one in glasses comments.

“Lets start with introducing ourselves, I’m Don, and this is Agent Carter. “ The one with the hat began speaking, “And welcome to the ruins. The original home of the Characters when we first got banished down here. Set up by King Wechidna and his wife Queen Tracey, all of us lived in this area before the King began work on expanding out underground home. Now it is made up of six areas. Ruins here, Snowdin out there, then Waterfall, Hotlands, The CORE, and NEW Home. “

Agent Carter continues “The Readers trapped us down here with a magic barrier made by seven powerful readers known as Authors. The only way to free us is by the combined power of seven Reader souls. King Wechidna knew this would be an impossible task, gathering the souls and instead decided we would peacefully live down here instead. We, as people agreed and began settling in. “

“But that all changed when the first Reader fell down here” Don continued. “Their name had long been forgotten, but they were kind. Determined, but kind. King Wechidna and Queen Tracey took them in, and they quickly grew close to the royal son, Samexe. The Reader grew to love us Characters, and our culture, and began to grow angry at the cruelty of the other Readers. “

“So, as the legends go, the young Reader came up with a plan”

“They remembered long ago they accidentally made their father sick by feeding him buttercup flowers, so the reader gathered some up and ate them”

“Days, the reader lay sick in bed for days, the Underground grew silent, somber until the day they died. Samexe absorbed their soul and withit got past the barrier. “

“They took the body of their fallen friend out to the local Reader village. “

“The readers thought Samexe had killed the Reader. So they attacked. Despite all the power Samexe had, he never fought back, he simply set the Reader down on a patch of buttercup flowers and returned to the underground. “

“He fell to his knees as the entrance of the ruins, where that nice pumpkin patch is now and became the dust we all do. “

“It was after that, King Wechidna made a vow, no more Readers will pass through here, Royal Guards were put in place to capture all Readers and deliver them to the king. Queen Tracey was horrified by this behaviour after the next reader fell, another child. This child was one of Integrity, this one was captured here in the ruins, by you right don?”

“Yup, I captured that one, sent it to the King and Queen. I remember the Queen’s face when King Wechidna killed it,  capturing the soul in this jar thing. “

You step back from Don and Carter.

“Oh yah, we’re both Royal Guards kid” Carter replies. “But you have no reason to be scared, no Readers have fallen down here in years.”

“Yah, i hear they are super dangerous. Here” Don hands you a small pocket knife.

YOU HAVE ACQUIRED A SMALL POCKET KNIFE, IT’S VERY SHARP BUT TOO SMALL TO REALLY DO ANYTHING. SHAME

“Just incase a Reader falls, you can stay safe.”

You look at the SMALL POCKET KNIFE and shrug, putting it into your inventory. Agent Carter hands you an energy bar.

YOU HAVE ACQUIRED AN ENERGY BAR, IT’S GOT CHOCOLATE CHIPS AND A LOT OF GRANOLA. TASTY.

You smile and say goodbye the the two royal guards. They wave as you continue down the hall. You turn a corner and find the hall to be much narrower, blocking the path is a ghost sitting on the floor, he’s wearing a large puffy jacket with its hood up, the room seems to be much colder than every other room.

You need to get past, do you forcefully move the ghost? Or talk to it?

MOVE TALK

You decide to talk to the ghost. It looks up to you, startled “o-oh, sorry, n-normally no one comes through here so i like to sit here and wallow y’know?”

This ghost seems sad and pathetic, you should befriend it, cause its just like you. Sad and pathetic.

“M-my name? I’m H-Hail. I like to visit the Ruins cause it’s so quiet. D-Do you like music?”

YES NO

“Y-you do? C-cool! D-do you want to listen to some of my music s-sometime?”

YES NO

“You would!? W-Wow, I don’t have any of my music h-here, b-but come find me in Waterfall o-okay? I have my music at my house”

You cheered up the sad, cold ghost, he disappears and lets you pass. You walk through and find yourself in another long hallway. Leaning against a wall is a man in an all white suit, swinging a glowing cane. He smiles at you and motions for you to come over.

“Bake sale kid bake sale” He smiles as you approach “care to donate to a good cause?”

You ask what cause?

“I need to meet up with some friends in Hotland, but in order to get there I need to pass through Snowdin, but that's too cold. So me and my friend are raising money to hire a car to get there. Want to buy something and help?”

A little table stands before him with only two items, a little donut, and a bottle of cider.

“I made them both myself by hand, a rave donut and party juice. “

RAVE DONUT, TASTES LIKE FUN AND ELECTRO MUSIC, GIVES 5 HP AND INCREASES SPEED. 5 G

PARTY JUICE, TASTES LIKE FOGGY MEMORIES AND MISTAKES, GIVES 10 HP AND MOMENTARY INVINCIBILITY. 10 G

You dig through your pockets and pull out 15 gold and buy one of each item.

The man happily takes your gold and gives you the items.

YOU RECEIVED A RAVE DONUT AND PARTY JUICE, IT’S GOING TO BE A WILD RIDE.

“Thank you for your support of the ‘Bring Smiley Joe to Hotland” charity. Smiley Joe...smiles...and beckons you to go on your way.

You shrug and walk away. You take five steps before bumping into another character, its getting annoying at this point. You look up at quite possibly the most well built man you’ve ever seen, he’s dressed in hospital scrubs and a lab coat. He looks down at you.

“Oh hello Reader Child. Now don’t panic, of course I know you are a Reader, I am a doctor after all. I am Doctor Carter, pleasure to meet you. “ He suddenly gasps “What is that in your hands? Party Juice and a Rave Donut!” He quickly takes them from you.

“These should not be in the possession of a child! Joe! You are in big trouble”

Before you can object, the Doctor has run off, chasing Smiley Joe down the hall. You shrug and continue walking.

You exit the hallway and find yourself facing a large, dead tree, surrounded by fresh purple leaves, behind the tree stood a small, cozy house.

The cell phone in your pocket rings. You answer.

“Hey kid, it’s Tracey, listen I’m making you a pie, do you like cinnamon or butterscotch?”

CINNAMON BUTTERSCOTCH

“Huh, b-scotch ey? Alright, but you don’t hate cinnamon right? Nah, who hates cinnamon? Its amazing. Anyway, I’ll be coming back to get you in just a minute okay? I’m just leaving my house now”

With a click she hangs up, you hear the door opening to the house. Tracey steps out, her purple robe now dirty with flour and cinnamon. She dusts herself off and begins walking forward. She stops upon seeing you “kid!” She rushes towards you

“You made it here all by yourself? Wow, strong kid. Come on, your pie is in the oven”

Tracey takes your hand and leads you inside.

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

There’s not enough fanfics of those two, so I wrote one

Sorry in advance, this is gonna be longer than I thought. But please read :)

So I recently re-watched The Shannara Chronicles because it’s coming back soon and I needed to remind myself why I love it so much. The landscapes, the music, the plot, the relationships... mostly relationships. And I don’t mean only romantic relationships.

I’m a sucker for any kind of family relations. I love the dynamic between the royal family and I remember, watching the pilot for the first time, I cried when Will’s mom was dying even if I had no freakin’ idea who the hell those people were at the time. (I never read the books - but I’m going to)

But what really got to me was the relationship between Amberle and Ander (the show literally starts with those two, how cool is that?) It’s such a beautiful and strong bond. You can say he stepped into a father figure mode when Aine died, he’s protective but he also is very supportive and lets Amberle do her own thing. And I love the banter. It’s so sad that he didn’t get to say goodbye to her at the end but they were beautifully written and shown at the beginning (except the end of ep 4 when the trio is leaving, after the famous line ‘Loverboy can fill you in” - Amberle comes to Ander and hugs him but camera cuts that because Allanon and Will’s conversation is “more important”)

So as I usually do, I decided to check out fanfics (fanfiction.net and AO3). And you know what I found? NOTHING. I mean, there is one short oneshot and a few bits here and there in other fanfics but basically their tag is one empty hole. Not good.

So i wrote one myself. And I hope you’ll like it. If not, I’ll just leave it here, maybe someone someday finds it xD

 So anyways, this is a little bit of an AU, I changed the ending of the season (spoiler alert) - Amberle didn’t become a tree. Instead she saved the Ellcrys without sacrificing herself. So it starts when the battle is over, Amberle, Allanon and Will and in the Sanctuary and Ander comes there. I just wanted to showcase how deep this bond can possibly go, I used few little headcanons I had, just wanted to show what they are to each other andwhat they mean to each other. It’s my first fanfic so helpful criticism and tips are welcome. So... enjoy :) 

An Useperatable Duo

With a loud cracking noise, door to the Sanctuary opened. Ander stepped inside, his breath heavy but his posture steady. His eyes searched quickly the area, part of him still expecting one of Dagda Mor's soldiers to jump at him from the corner. But they stopped at the sight of a long wave of brown hair and big green eyes now glued to him.

“Amberle..” he whispers but in the quiet of the Sanctuary it sounds like a scream. She smiles, taking few steps his way. And the next second he's holding her in his arms, crying, his face hidden in her long locks. Amberle is crying too, holding onto him desperately.

“Uncle Ander....” she weeps and he can't help but smile at the words. When Amberle was born, he was barely a teenager. He remembered taking her to his arms for the first time. She was crying loudly and noone could calm her down, but the moment he took her from Aine – she fell silent. Big green eyes met his and that was the moment his heart was stolen by her. And now, after this long and dangerous adventure, when her puffy eyes met his again and he washed away her tears with his thumb, leaving his hand on her cheek a little longer – it felt like that first time again. His niece, the light in his life and a beacon of hope was right here, with him and it felt like everything is right in the world again.

“There were moments I thought I'll never see you again, baby girl” he says, using her childhood nickname he gave her so long ago. “I'm glad that you're ok.”

“I was worried about you too. Especially after seeing the battlefield. And... Alanon told me about Grandpa...” she adds after a moment, her voice starting to crack. “...and Arion...”

“Hey, hey shh....” he whispers, bringing her closer and kissing her forehead. “I know, I know. It hurts. But they died doing what they were born to do – defending our kingdom. And they were very proud of you. We all are.”

She smiles and then hugs him again. “I'm proud of you too, Uncle Ander. I always new the crown would suit you”

“I'm trying to do my best. Now” he lets her go but leaves a hand on her shoulder, and looking at Alanon and Will standing few feet away, asks “Do you mind telling me what the hell happened here?”

***

After such a large battle, it surprised Amberle that it was so quiet everywhere now. Like nothing ever happened. She was in her chambers, lying on her bed, her eyes locked on the celling. She was still processing everything. It felt good to be finally home, but at the same time... She was worried about Eretria. Amberle knew she wanted them to go but still the fact that they left her there was making her feel sick and guilty. She was worried about Will, who's powers were growing stronger and he had a lot to learn, especially considering what the Elvestones could do to a person using them. And she was worried about Ander, who rised to power under hard and devastating circumstances and even tho she always knew he would make a great king, she also knew he didn't feel ready. He had a big shoes to fill after Eventine, her father Aine and Arion, the Kingdom will need his help and guidance and she's going to stand beside him every step of the way.

Because there's just the two of them now. From the entire Ellesedil bloodline, they were the only ones standing.

When she thinks about it, it was always just the two of them. The unseperatable duo. Even when her father Aine was still alive, little princess would spend hours with her youngest uncle – playing in the gardens or horseriding in the woods – while her father attended all kinds of royal meetings. When Aine died, she suddenly started to feel alone. Her father was gone, her grandfather was too busy to properly take care of her, Uncle Arion seemed not to care at all, and Ander... he stepped back, became very closed and sad all the time, fell into alcohol addiction. But even as a little girl she knew she can't loose him too.

 The night after Aine's funeral she couldn't sleep. She wandered through the empty, silent halls barefoot, only in her nightgown and before she knew it she found herself at the door to Sanctuary. There was noone around – the King dissmissed the guards for that one night, to give his family a moment of privacy. Young Amberle hesitated for a momemt and then, standing on her tiptoes, she opened the door. It was quiet and dark inside, the only light provided by the full moon. A little colder too but she didn't mind. But the place wasn't empty. She noticed Uncle Ander sitting on one of the Tree's big roots... but he didn't seem to notice her at all, starring at nothing with teary eyes, an empty little bottle in his hand. Her little heart acked for him, she knew that Aine's death hit him the hardest, besides her of course. So without even thinking she came closer to him, took the bottle out of his hand and climbed on his lap, putting her little arms around his waist. When she layed her head on his chest she felt him tense a little but then he relaxed again and ambraced her with as much force as she did.

“You can't sleep either, huh baby girl?” he whispered to her while putting a kiss on top of her head.

“I miss Dad too” she whispered back and burried her face in the crook of his neck. “And I don't want to be alone. Can I stay with you, uncle Ander? And we will miss him together.”

She felt his arms tighten around her and for a moment he was silent. But then he spoke. “I have a better idea. Why don't we take you to your room and we'll both try to get some sleep huh?”

She raised her head and looked at him. “And you're gonna stay?”

“Of course I'm gonna stay. In fact...” He looked her straight in the eyes and smiled. “I'm not gonna leave you Amberle, ok? Never. I promise.”

***

“You can't sleep either, huh baby girl?”

Those words got her back from her thoughts when Ander opened the door to her room.

“You caught me. How did you know?”

“Because I know you” he replied as he came closer and sat down at the edge of her bed. She noticed a crown on his head – he probably just got back from some meeting or something – and her head fell down, because deaths of her grandfather and uncle hit her again. That's why he's wearing it now even if he never wanted to she thinks. Because they are gone so he has to. Then she felt Ander's fingers under her chin and now she's looking into his blue eyes. “I miss them too” he says and she smiles sadly, surprised at how well he knows her, almost like he's reading her mind, knowing exactly what she was thinking about just seconds ago.

“I promised Grandpa I will come back to him” she says, feeling her throat tightens. “And you did.” Ander replies as he puts a hand on her cheek and washes away some tears she didn't even realised had escaped. “He never doubted in you. Not even for a second.”

And now she feels like she can't breathe, she's crying openly, hidden in her uncle's protective hold. He's rocking her back and forth and after couple minutes that felt for her like eternity she's calm again and she can breathe again. “Get some sleep, Amberle” he says as he lays her back down on the bed a covers her with a blanket. She instantly grabs his hand. “Stay.”

“Of course I'm gonna stay.” he replies and then kisses her forehead. “I'm never gonna leave you, remember?”

An useperatable duo. Few years ago she had lost her father, but it's almost like she gained another one. Ander is her best friend, partner in crime, and like an older brother sometimes but he also knows how to step into a role of a father when he needs to. And that's what she loved about him the most.

“I love you, Uncle Ander.” she whispers, as she drifts into sleep. And just before she falls asleep completely she hears him say “I love you too, baby girl.”

I don’t own “The Shannara Chronicles”. I wish I could, so this one could end up on screen tho. xD And congrats to those who got all the way down here. Sorry it was so long.