its like... late and i need to dump all the little angst scenarios i think of in my dumb little head (i didnt include all of the harbingers because i didnt have ideas for all of them... sob sniff) (i need someone you understand and u are the #1 fatui lover in my heart)
After the funeral of the readers beloved, the tsaritsa never know that the readers tears were harsher than her blizzards (this sounds so corny but it's late plea)
The reader begging their harbinger s/o not to go on a mission in the nation the traveler is at because they're so paranoid that they'll end up in a coffin as well. (this could work in the same universe as the previous one) (Oh No .)
Dottore's lover feeling inadequate to his intelligence, so they end up staying up until ungodly hours studying and Dottore doesn't notice due to his lack of a need for sleep, causing them to collapse due to exhaustion while helping Dottore with his experiments
Columbina's lover practicing so hard for a duet they're supposed to perform that they end up losing their voice the day before the performance
Capitano's lover growing frustrated yet feeling selfish at him treating them like glass. They know it's because he's being overly weary of his strength, but they'd rather be crushed in a hug than treated like a porcelain doll that'll crack at the slightest gust of wind (it took me, way too hard to spell porcelain it was humiliating .)
Back to the handmade gift darling for pantalone.. Pantalone's darling who feels so frustrated because they know their gifts will never amount to the beautiful accessories he can just buy, unable to realize it's the love behind them that Pantalone cherishes
La Signora's lover wanting to be someone she can rely on, but it's early in the relationship and her heart has not yet melted for the reader. The reader wonders if it's their fault, not knowing La Signora just doesn't know how to deal with pure hearted love again.
Scaramouche's lover being mistaken for a caretaker because of the height difference /JOKING ILL BE SERIOUS
Scaramouche's lover often feeling themselves get closer to succumbing to their mortality. It's the little things, but it makes them oh so paranoid.. They've done everything to try to stop it, hell they even went to The Doctor about it against Scaramouche's wishes, but there's nothing that isn't.. inhumane that can happen. If they take the offer is up to you to decide <3
(cw; vomit) Arlecchino's lover who is a performer, who gets so nervous and paranoid about messing up that they end up vomiting backstage, causing the performance to have to take an emergency intermission/delay depending on how large the role the reader was playing. (I don't think she'd know immediately? i think she'd have to hear some like, other actors gossiping about it to realize)
- 🎈 is going insane
🎈 ANON WHO HURT YOU..........
Though only Harbingers were allowed to be at the funeral for another Harbinger, out of courtesy, you were allowed to be there as well. Did you care about the looks you were getting from the others? No. All you could see was your beloved's coffin that they should not be in. They should be by your side, still in this world. But they weren't and would never be ever again. Should you have tried harder to convince them not to go? You should have accompanied them at the very least. Maybe you could have protected them somehow. But no one can turn back time. (We know reader is gonna be on the Traveler's ass from then on... they are NOT safe. Reader gets a personal apology and head pat from the Tsaritsa though... she knows what they're going through.)
STOP THE DOTTORE ONE ACTUALLY HIT ME CUZ THAT'S SOMETHING I'D PROBABLY DO 😭💔 It was so hard sometimes, always comparing yourself to him, not to mention, you knew other people looked down on you because surely there was no someone like you could ever compare to the intelligence of the Doctor? And well, they were probably right, but that didn't make it hurt any less :( Yet no matter how much you tried you always felt inferior to his brilliance, and in fact only managed to hinder him more with your lack of performance.
You were so scared about not being able to live up to Columbina's voice, that you'd only mess up and thus damage her reputation and embarrass the both of you to all of Snezhnaya. You could not bear for that to happen and forced yourself to practice even more by yourself without Bina knowing. She is far more upset by the fact you hurt yourself rather than the performance :( (But she will have to call up Dottore for a quick remedy dw)
CAPITANO 😭😭 It bothered you a little bit at first, but you thought as the relationship moved on he would too, and he would realize that you're not as weak as he thinks, and he should have more faith in himself! You're wrong. It's been months and he's still scared to even do the basics of affection. And it's driving you crazy. You just want your husband... to *be* your husband! You want to hug him and be picked up bridal style and be carried and all of the sort! You're going to have to have a serious talk with him and hopefully Capitano will understand before he loses his spouse 🚶♀️
breaking down at Pantalone's... 🎈 ANON ARE U OK. You loved making handmade gifts for your beloved but you couldn't help but compare them to others. How could your little trinkets ever hold up to the expensive and professionally made ones? Yours were practically nothing to them, there was no real value in them and were easily discarded. You start to get a bit embarrassed by them and stop making it, to which Pantalone is confused. (Little do you know Pantalone much more cares for the sentimental value of your gifts, the fact that you pour so much time, energy, and most importantly love, into it, warms his heart far more than you'd ever know.)
SIGNORA MY BABY NO. She hasn't been vulnerable in so long, to the point where she doesn't even know how to open herself up again, especially in a romantic manner. She loves you, she really does, but she simply cannot give herself to you completely yet. It's a long, enduring process... one that you would absolutely wait for no matter the duration. Unfortunately, the communication skills are not the best as Signora doesn't know how to convey this to you nor do you know how to bring it up.
HELP SCARAAAA 😭 If you're taller than him then he'll definitely always be salty about it 💀 But ahem. Moving onto the angst. You are literally so big brained because I kind of wrote something like this for a Scara fic but scraped it but!! YES!! I imagine after reader hears Scara's backstory, all the people he has lost and was "betrayed" by, they would never want to put him through that kind of suffering and pain ever again. You do not want to be another "betrayal" in his life. And who else knows the answer to immortality, a longer life, better than the Doctor he's been working with...? The scientist promises that it won't hurt... not too much at least. He'll see what he can do... with some compromises in return.
You always loved performing, but even you got the jitters. Sometimes. Well, most of the time actually. And it was even worse when you knew your lover would be watching. You were terrified of messing up, to not living up to her high standards. You could handle criticism but thinking of the possible sharp and harsh words Arlie could give you made you sick with worry and fear. Unbeknownst to Arlecchino, she had no idea you were so caught up with what other people thought.
Not you giving me mega brainrot,,, these will permanently be etched into my tiny little brain
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What kind of vices do you think Helia has?
OUGH i love talking about the many problems he has <333
Here are some of his canon vices!
Very self-deprecating - It gets better later on and especially as Flora hypes him up, but Helia tends to think of himself and his actions in a very negative way and doesn't do much to challenge that narrative. He unconsciously relies on the others to make himself feel better a lot!
Self-critical - A thing that can be good in moderation, but like all vices, Helia takes it too far. He's overly observant and critical of himself to the point where it's like he's playing the observer all the time. He then gets anxious and convinces himself he's a horrible person cause he made One mistake. Way to go dude
Escapist - He has a hard time sticking around once he's convinced himself that people would be better off without him.
On a similar note, avoiding conflict. It may not seem obvious since Helia occasionally calls out the others, but that only happens when he's genuinely not in the wrong (or doesn't feel in the wrong). If something happens that he thinks he caused or was involved in, he tends to avoid that conflict and fallout.
And if I'm being honest, avoidance in general. Again, it's one of those things that gets missed easily, but that sort of mysteriousness/shyness that people often see in Helia? That's usually avoidance from him! He avoids talking to people unless they speak to him first, he avoids telling people about himself or his life, he'll outright ignore people if he doesn't like them, etcetc. There are times when it's for a good reason (not talking to the trix for example) and times when it's incredibly annoying and counterproductive (like with the specialists or flora). It should be noted that this behavior mostly shows up in his personal life rather than on missions but if anything, I think that shows he's aware of this but doesn't change it.
Impulsive - Again, it may not seem like it but Helia is very impulsive! A lot of the decisions he makes throughout canon are done in the moment and with very little thinking. It's easy to miss because Helia is a fast thinker and quick on his feet so his actions often seem more planned out than they actually are, but if you look at the individual actions themselves and how quick he makes them after Just thinking of them, it gets really obvious. In the show, I'd say the best and most well-known example would be in his introduction episode, aka the monster stunt. Again, it's easy to miss, but that wasn't planning or cautious thinking from him, that was full on impulsivity (both grabbing the monster And leaving). Other good examples would be the Shaab Stone arc in the comics (literally an entire arc of Helia being impulsive as hell), the s2 florelia kiss scene, Helia saving Sky in s2 when they're in Darkar's Fortress, and him running up to every enemy.
I'm not sure what you would call this, maybe recklessness?, but Helia often has very little regard for his own safety. He regularly puts himself into dangerous situations that he doesn't Need to be in without thinking about how badly it's gonna hurt him. Well,,, he does think about whether or not it'll kill him, but if the answer is "no", then it doesn't matter how much danger he's in, he's gonna do it. This often ends with one of the specialists yelling at him which is funny but Still. I do think it's important to note that he's not reckless with the other's safety (he's overly cautious with them) but he definitely is with his own.
I feel like there are others I Could list but they don't show up quite enough for me to call them his vices (ie the occasional stubbornness, lack of confidence, or jealousy). I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS LIST OF HIS MENTAL ANGUISHES I KNOW I DO
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Sometimes I don't understand this Winx fan's mania of wanting to redesign everything Winx, the characters... even the planets. I understand that each one can have their own headcanon, but there are already incredible designs in the animated series!!! You just have to expand them!!! Don't redesign them to suit your personal taste!!
Sometimes I wonder if these people really like Winx Club, or they just like it because of what it made them feel in their childhood, and nowadays they don't like it very much but the nostalgia is so strong, that that's why they make these redesigns, they change everything about the characters, so that it is more to personal taste.
I understand that art is an expression... but sometimes so many things change, I don't know what to think.
I've even seen them for rewrites... do they know that I'm going to imagine the story with Winx's designs and not theirs?
Sorry for the rant.
I mean,, I don't think it's fair to say that all redesigners hate winx and just have strong nostalgia. As much as I bitch about the fandom's racism, I'll always be incredibly supportive of the amount of creativity and freedom of expression that fans have here. I've seen some fandoms where every little headcanon and redesign gets scrutinized for literally no reason. Not to bring up hp in the year 2023 but I once saw someone bitch at an artist for drawing hermione with dark brown hair. Like. The winx fandom is honestly one of the only fandoms I've been in where people are encouraged to share how they would change things. (not the only fandom of course, but it's definitely not a thing that every fandom does).
That being said,, I do see your point with some redesigns feeling like it's just hating on the og winx. I think most, if not all, of the people who are really active in the fandom, have a winx sideblog, or just post a lot of winx are very much doing their redesigns out of love. But every now and then, you'll see a redesign where the poster just,, shits on winx for no reason. Like,, I've especially seen a lot of outright misogyny and internalized misogyny about the winx wearing skirts and dresses and being princesses. Like sorry you can't imagine strong female characters with personalities who also wear skirts sometimes. deal.
And again, I have no problem with people just redesigning things for fun and wanting to see how things could be expanded or even improved on, but I've definitely started to notice more of an,, ego complex where some people act like their redesign is the absolute pinnacle of society and the og winx (and occasionally other redesigns) suck shit. Like no dude you're in the same camp smoking the same weed as the rest of us calm the fuck down.
I mean,, I'll always be more in favor of redesigns and headcanons. I think it's a really special part of the fandom! But I also understand why it can be jarring and even upsetting to see people take these characters and places and just,, get rid of every canon aspect to make it what they Want instead of just expanding on what's already there. At that point, it definitely feels like someone just wanted to play in the winx universe but didn't care for any of the actual aesthetics or lore. It also feels like a slap in the face when people completely change a character's entire personality and call it a headcanon like no babe that's not stella winx club, that's generic blonde girl #3. Literally just make your own oc at that point.
I mean again, I'm never going to just shit on someone's headcanon or redesign just because I Personally don't vibe with it. But I am going to call out racism. Always. And someone spending hours creating something doesn't absolve them of being racist.
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THE TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION HAVE ISSUED AN APOLOGY AND A RE-INVITATION. HERE IS MY STATEMENT
hello buckaroos. the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION have issued a formal statement and apology which you can read at the attached link.
while i find the language used to discuss what was done a little unsatisfying, i would like to start by saying i appreciate anyone taking steps to prove love is real and make things right. the genuine feeling of ‘realizing you have made a mistake and hurt someone else’ is a terrible one, and i have so much empathy for this group as they reckon with their choices causing harm. i appreciate their apology.
i also think more good than bad has come from this situation. i am so thankful this happened to me (someone with a large social media presence) and not a smaller buckaroo author without the means to stand up for themselves. i think the next time someone comes to the TXLA with an accommodation need, they will hopefully be taken more seriously
lets trot down to business about specifics now. the TXLA has re-invited chuck to the original panel and even offered to take a moment at the top of the panel to talk about what happened. this is very kind of them and i will say THANK YOU.
unfortunately i will also have to decline.
the fact that it took this much effort, social media backlash, and discussion to let me simply EXIST PHYSICALLY in a way that is authentic to myself is not a good sign. if this organization immediately questions an authors chosen presentation in this manner, i cannot imagine what my other accommodations would be met with.
sometimes i am at an event and i very quickly need extra space to breathe. sometimes i am at an event and i need special guides to help me along from place to place. these are not ‘big asks’ and every other conference has gladly provided them, but if the TXLA had this kind of initial reaction to my physical appearance, i cannot imagine them readily helping with my other needs without ‘proof’.
this is clearly not a safe place to trot for those who require additional accommodations. regardless of any apology, their ACTIONS have shown that people who appear unusual or unique are not welcome at this event on a subconscious level. i believe the TXLA have some serious inner work to do beyond this apology, and i believe this inner work will involve actions more than words.
but even more importantly i would like to make this very important point: IT DOES NOT MATTER IF MY MASK IS A DISABILITY AID OR NOT. i appreciate the way this discussion has allowed us to trot out some deep talks on autism and proved love in this way, but i think there is a much more important point at hand.
regardless of WHAT someone looks like, it is not the job of an event or conference to pick apart WHY. physical presentation can be a part of someones neurodivergence, or gender, or sexuality, but i can also just exist as a nebulous undefined part of their inner self. it can be a piece they are not ready to openly discuss yet. the guests at TXLA are authors (aka ARTISTS) and the idea that a conference dedicated to an ART is going to deny people with unique and unusual presentations for ANY reason is absurd. since when are we applying a ‘dress code’ to our artists?
without knowing it, i personally believe there is an element of the ‘good queer, bad queer’ phenomenon going on here. there is a push to say ‘LOOK we accept these marginalized groups and cultures’ but behind the scenes that means ‘we accept these marginalized groups and cultures who are quiet and speak in turn and wear the metaphorical suit and tie’. it is easy to show diversity when you only take on the voices that arent too ‘strange’.
to prove my point i ask you this: do you think orville peck would have FOR ONE SECOND been asked to perform at the texas library association event without his mask?
so with that i say ‘very sincerely, thank you, but i will have to decline the re-invitation. maybe next year’
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