#ares xwp

[miraculousbohemian]

Found a Vine site while procrastinating so I'll bless you with this thing.

Gabrielle: Xena, oh my gods...

Xena: what??

Gabrielle: Is that a hickey?

Xena: What? No, it's my Pop Tart, I was saving it for later. *eats it*

Ares, yelling into a valley: PENIS

Also Ares: *trips over a bag of McDonald's*

Joxer: Who's coming to my party on Saturday, there's gonna be a taco guy there.

Ares: we're going to Aphrodite's, there's gonna be a spaghetti guy there.

Joxer: fuck the spaghetti guy.

Ares: fuck you.

Leah: Yeah, that's the bee's knees.

Meg: The cat's pajamas!

Diana: ...the chicken's trousers???

Meg: what the fuck was that diana.

Leah: you guys, come on-

Random dude: yeah, I actually gave my horse swim lessons

Xena: oh that's cool dude... My horse gave me swim lessons.

Dude: what.

Xena: she's a life guard.

Con man: so you'll do it?

Joxer, sipping a drink: yeah man I'll kill him

Con man: for how much?

Joxer: *fucking around and about to find out* i dunno, 30?

Con man: Thirty grand?

Joxer: *spits out drink*

Ares: so i invite my dad to my birthday party and he shows up, but only to take a shit and leave. what's up with that?

Xena: hey guys, happy Ares Sucks Thursday!

Ares: what's Ares Sucks Thursday?

Gabrielle: why would we ever tell you ares.

Xena: and you wrote here that you were an assassin?

Eve: yes sir.

Xena: h-h-how? how many confirmed kills do you-

Xena: yo dude. we can talk with our minds now so we'll be in each other's heads.

Ares: forever?

Xena: exactly bitch.

Ares: ...oh no.

*pop*

S6 Gabrielle: I'm you from the future

S1 Gabrielle: YEAH OBVIOUSLY BITCH

S6 Gabrielle: I don- I don't remember acting like that-

(if ares wasn't a girlfail in S5EP17/18 I can't remember the one with fake death hijinks)

Eve: mom, dad, why isn't Argo moving?

Xena and Gabrielle: *share a look*

Gabrielle: Argo killed herself.

Xena: killed herself, honey.

S1 Gabrielle: alright, so your total will be 2.29 dinars and a kiss on the lips

S1 Xena: no.

S1 Gabrielle: hah. yes.

Julius: wow me in five seconds, go.

Xena: waddup my name's Xena, I'll stab you if you do not hire me and i love horses

Julius: ...i guess you're hired.

Xena: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY?!

Gabrielle: hey, we think school maths sucks so we made our own, show 'em Eve

Eve: alright, so, instead of, like, numbers we use trees

Aphrodite: hey everybody today my brother pushed me so I'm starting a Kickstarter to put him down. The benefits of killing him would be I would get pushed way less.

Gabrielle: how much money would you give me to fall asleep right now?

Xena, visibly sleep deprived: I dunno, like a billion dinars?

Gabrielle, internally: i woke up the next morning, a billionaire.

Meg: can I use the restroom?

Leah: i don't know, can you?

Meg, getting up: yeah

Leah: where are you going?

Meg: I'm gonna go poop.

Meg: stop copying me

Xena: stop copying me

Meg: I'm gay.

Xena: you are?

Meg: I've been waiting so long to tell you

Xena: it's okay man-

(first two are it's just luke, others are Josh Kennedy, both from Vine)

[xwpfan]

I just had to do this!

[xenaisnumber1]

The Goddess of Love fell for Gabrielle and the God of War fell for Xena which perfectly parallels their journeys in the show and who they are as a person.

[myguiltypleasureiolausnerdy]

[missagonyy]

Xena the Warrior Princess Sketches: Ares and Aphrodite

💕🔥

Between the 80’s grunge leather jacket and the 90’s Victoria Secret lingerie , these two will forever be in my heart as the greatest silly villain duo.

[silvermoon-scrolls]

Kevin Smith would have been 60 today.

Kevin played Iphicles (HTLJ), Bacchus (YH), Jerry Patrick Brown (HTLJ), Timon (YH) and of course Ares, God of War on all three shows.

To us you are truly immortal

[the-jiminyrizzles]

I've been aware of these deleted scene photos of 'Ares' and Gabrielle from Season 3's Forget Me Not for quite a while and I've personally never seen it explained by anyone, and I keep forgetting to ask if anyone knows anything about this scene.

So I thought I'd throw it out there and finally ask if anyone else ever come across an interview or anything, or even have the script with the original scene in, explaining the context of this moment? I'm just wondering what the writers were thinking and happened to remember about it today. :)

[moddieeeex]

I THINK I STRAIGHT UP FORGOT TO POST THIS MONTHS AGO.

[tootie23]

Xena Warrior Princess Out of Context

[dickgirldebord]

God below Man

Past the glow, Gabrielle lay herself upon the ground and immediately felt the groping hands. Too tired now to fight, and not quite galvanized by fear, she let the anonymous hands rip the beading sweat from the slight cavity in her chest, tearing cross-strap over the breast into the armpit, another soft hand filling the webs of its fingers with her hair, gently pulling her head back, forcing her to exhale, pulsing light grabs so to mimic homeostatic breaths, inhale and exhale (on cue). A third hand, more calloused, like the earthen roots rising from beneath her mirror-flipped and sunk into her thighs as fingers, returning home to the dirt, another set of textured fingers tracing lines in her abdomen before strongly holding her waist to the ground—here she felt strangely comforted, her head and chest pulled in dreamy surrender while the rest of her body pressed into Gaia’s warm embrace (in the past, before she had known for sure, she imagined this was what death would feel like past the moment of surrender, the warm release from pain while feeling heavier than she’d ever felt, but now she knows, she knows for sure that...

Chapter 5 of God below Man here <3

[jennyandvastraflint]

Xena Reactions S3Ep1! We're baaaack! I got to watch some Xena, partly as recovery from stuff.

Heyyy, Gabrielle is on the DVD cover now yippie!!

O///O I start episode and there is woman dancing...

Ngl they're pretty hot

EW ARES JUMPSCARE

I don't like the voyeuristic character of thiiiiiii IS HE GETTING A LAP DANCE

Alecto??? Are those the Furies??

Uh oh... Guilty?

Ares ur gross. Fuck off.

"Cool" sdhfhd

Gabby's top changed. The clothes top I mean.

Awwww, Xena wants food

AHAHA GABRIELLE CHEATS

"Okay maybe cheating is an overstatement"

YIPPIE THEY BEAT UP GUYS

Uh oh. She's lost her mind. The comedy sound effects

"I didn't mean to do that" gives him his sword back dhfhdd

"I love the smell of warrior sweat and in the morning" 😭

SHE'S JUGGLING

Did she call her Manes???

"I can see where I've been" 😂

"HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY" SJDHFHDHD

Please, she's hungyyy

Xena is a pouty kid, and Gabrielle is like Please for me? And Xena, ok 😘 (Vastra is like that too XD)

Awww, she's putting daisies in her hair

Gosh she wakes up and is so frightened for her gf

NOOOOO

SOMFT TOUCH "Xena they're afraid of you" btw is she naked. I guess if the people died they'd at least have seen Xena naked XD

Awwwww, Gabrielle is so gentle with her gf 🥺

"Then take it it's driving me insane"

Father? Gosh, like the one Ares pretended to be?

OUGH SHE PUSHED GABRIELLE AWAY...

Noooo, BABYGIRL! She ran off

Gosh poor Xena

Bad CGI :D

CALLISTO??? OH IT'S GABRIELLE

Nooooo poor Gabrielle!

I mean... Xena tying Gabrielle up? 👀

Her hands not behaving

SPIN PUNCH. Holy shit.

This is just me stimming honestly

Her mummmmm. Aw poor Xena

WHAT. PLOT TWIST??? I mean. Good for you Cyrene

TO SACRIFICE HER TO ARES OMFG???

I love the composition of that shot of Xena focused in the foreground and Cyrene in the background.

OH A CYCLE OF HAAAATE

and now the same shot with Gabrielle

"That life is a joke" Ough

"Lunatic with lethal combat skills"

Aj aj aj, Xena leaves...

OH. IS THIS A CALLBACK TO S1 WHERE SHE BURIED HER WEAPONS AND WAS ABOUT TO KILL HERSELF

Urgh. Fuck Ares

Oh ffs he wants to turn her into a brutal killer again

Yuck, Ares, yuck

"I'm crazy, I'm not stupid" REAL

Her just yelling at Ares. As she should

OI! DON'T YOU DARE INSULT GABRIELLE

Yes well DUUUUH he didn't regain his sanity like that...

Ares, stop grabbing Gabrielle

"Cos you're my father" dhfhdhdbdvd

"Do the bargaining"

Please the way they WIPE THE FLOOR WITH ARES

Alecto is funky XD

"Hey come on you two, you're nog gonna get it on AGAIN are you" please

Oh what a nice callback to the very first episode and Xena's fight with Draco

Not the gravity-defying kick back

"I'm gonna use you as a shield, Gabrielle. Just kidding" 😂

ROTTEN FRUIT

"I still don't get what you see in her" WELL I DO, PISS OFF, ARES.

Gosh poor Cyrene... 😢 No one blames you, love

HANG ON SO WHEN ARES PRETENDED TO BE HER DAD IN S1 😭😭😭 I mean... I don't think Ares could get it on with Cyrene. She's too good for him. But ah well

Yesss hug Cyrene!

[issa-wasteland]

I have a few things I took note of watching Xena Warrior Princess and one of them is how they handled Meg's character. I personally loved her out of Xena's doppelgangers as she had more spunk and funny. It sucks how they paired her with Joxer who has some feelings towards her while he's in love with Gabrielle at the same time. Like Joxer knows that Gabrielle doesn't love him romantically, so it could've been an opportunity for him to slowly move on and they build their own relationship.

Watching "The Furies" episode is actually dark and sad because the whole time Xena was losing her mind and just imagined Gabrielle by her side like it was a normal day. I believe she was slowly losing it but the furies just amplified her losing her insanity. It went as far as imagining what would Gabrielle do while dealing with the furies situation.

The fight between Najara and Xena was so good especially because they both are at a equal standpoint in combat and both have a common weakness -- > Gabrielle

Even when Xena was pregnant that was not stopping her from fighting.

I loved seeing the forgiveness between Gabrielle and Callisto as Xena gave up her passage to heaven so she can reunite with her family. It felt like a full circle when Callisto reincarnated to Eve because both her and Xena lost family in the past, but only to have a family in the end. Plus I did enjoy seeing Callisto be with her family again.

I kinda tuned out with the whole Christianity thing it followed but I did enjoy the "Fallen Angel" episode cause it was fun to see Callisto and Xena as demons.

I see why most people didn't like "Married with Fishsticks" episode.

The ring trilogy was just pure perfection 🥰

Idk but for the Gods to be powerful, half of them got bodied by Xena. The whole prophecy with Eve was.....something. Like I understand that Eve was the reason why some people converted to believing in Eli rather than the Gods. They made it easy for Xena to kill these Gods as there was many opportunities where they could've got an upper hand but lost.

Eve's character should've been fleshed out more as I did appreciate the little moments with her and her moms or bond with Varia.

Imo Ares and Joxer were running each other's money on who can be the most annoying somewhat unbearable man to Xena and Gabrielle.

Autolycus was another character I wished had his final moments with Xena and Gabrielle before they end off his story.

What if Xena had ended on "Many Happy Returns" as Xena and Gabrielle fly away into the sunset? I mean Xena gave a love poem to Gabrielle that was written by Sappho as a birthday gift.

[myguiltypleasureiolausnerdy]

[crazyeyesalti]

xena warrior princess is a Very Serious Show

[youroldfriendmurkyaura]