#aroace and just ace are different things dumbass

[anime-villian-irl]

Is alastor AroAce? Just ace? Sex neutral? Sex positive? Sex negative? A strange mix? Who cares! he's fucking amazing is what he is.

[ariadnesweb]

Erm miscellaneous Deltarune Shipping thoughts

Suselle - decent ship strangled by the red string. Suffers from the common kids shows 'so telegraphed its hard to see regular scenes between the two without seeing the big sign saying 'THESE TWO WILL BE TOGETHER'. Very frustrating, but also kind of its appeal. It's a 'safe' ship, with a confirmed get-together. Kind of a shame, I think it's underrated as a dynamic. A Princess and a Dragon are stuck in the tower waiting for a prince to arrive and set back the status quo, except the Dragon isn't really a mean bad guy, and the princess isn't really a helpless maiden. Would love to see Susie and Noelle have all their preconceptions about themselves be knocked down as they date each other. 7/10 I think they'd be sweet together, even if I struggle seeing them staying together post-game.

Kralsei - It's problematic. It doesn't take a lot of thought as to understand WHY it's problematic. Ralsei is somehow a derivative of Kris's brother, and that's uncomfy even if there is no formal sibling relationship.

Kris also does this, unprompted,

so I think the Kralsei shippers are still winning. 8/10 ship, constantly teased by canon, and a core relationship dynamic of the cast. Bounces between cute, rottingly sweet, and very uncomfortable. Hilarious in a morbid way.

Kriselle - Ship voted most likely to get sunk by either of the two calling each other 'siblings'. Is in some way related to Charasriel. Toby Fox probably has something against childhood friend romances. I genuinely think it's disrespectful to place Kris and Noelle romantically when they have an important friendship going on.

Unfortunately I'm a sucker for these two being sweet with each other, so 8/10 ship, I enjoy most art having these two around.

Ralsusie - Ship wins award for the currently most developed relationship in Deltarune. Have actually dated each other, Noelle called what she saw. Very enjoyable interactions whenever the two are onscreen. I can completely understand WHY anyone would ship these two, its a good relationship between a guy and girl.

I just... personally don't like thinking of these two as romantic. It's pretty much just a personal thing, I headcanon Susie as an Ace (Bisexual) and Ralsei as a repulsed AroAce (he doesn't know it yet.). 5/10 I don't get any enjoyment from it, but it's a good ship.

Krusie - I already wrote a bit for this ship, but since it's been a while since then, I still stand by what I say: No one but me gets them. This is a highly pretentious statement from me, and I don't think there's anything wrong with other Krusie shippers, I'm just not a fan of most Krusie content. Most people jump on the best-friend aspect and go from there into romance. I like this pairing best when it's a slowburn of two people with very different background slowly learning to communicate. Or as a background thing in which the pair act as one dumbass due to their similar thought processes being highly energized at finding a like-minded kin. Those two guys who are life partners in business and all that. 6/10. Enjoyable but I'm picky.

Krerdly - Not my thing, 5/10, there's probably valid criticism pointed at its surge in popularity as a way to deflect heteronormative Krusie & Kriselle shippers, but it's always awkward to punch down on a crackship. Basically lives and dies on the fervor of its shippers, and because it's mostly personal fan desire, I'd be hard-pressed to criticize it, you're all having fun. Um, if any Krerdly shippers find this post, don't take the criticism to close to heart? Pretty much depends on people's tolerances for rarepairs.

Asgorudy - I think Rudy should live if only to make this ship canon. 9/10, fun dynamic, but more importantly, encourages the Dreemurr-Holiday Divorce Saga - Now With Marriage?. Makes me endlessly curious to hear the Mayor's side of this story.

Seavil - Generally intriguing. Also a great way to characterize Seam and Jevil. I think the general quality of this ship depends solely on whether the creator understands Jevil. The more a creator understands that Jevil is a weird uncle with a penchant for breaking reality, the better the Seavil is. 9/10, if untainted by chapter 1 chaos gremlin Jevil flanderization.

Spamvil - Great fandom content VS 'I don't think these two are compatible in canon' FIGHT. This ship is boosted by the general quality and quantity of fan content, running with the implications of the sanity-breaking truth that broke these two old men. 8/10, I just think not all important relationships should be romances.

Krusielle - The main characters needed for a fluffy slice of life taking place in Hometown. Not my cup of tea. All the characters like each other, are nice, and are stable enough to live together. This is a bonus.

Persobally though, I'm more invested in the three duos that make up this ot3 (Krusie, Kriselle, and Suselle), to ship it. It doesn't help that Kriselle and Suselle are likely to leave the a member 3rd wheeling: Suselle is an explicitly romantic pairing, which has implications of exclusivity, and Kriselle is a strong relationship based on nostalgia, which would not include Susie (as of now).

[shouta-aizawow]

1) Hope u are ok, i will let you this one here. Bakugou coming out as asexual-aromanitc, and having to explain to everyone what is it. (And if you want angst, people not believing him, that he's not grown enough to know, all that bullshit) Sorry is a little bit of proyection.

I’m doing well, thank you!!! And dw, I project HARDCORE and I also LOVE aroace Katsuki so it’s all good!! (i’m actually gonna project a bit in this one lol)

OKAY!!!

When the other kids were busy talking about crushes and who they were dating, Katsuki was focused on becoming a hero.

He had no time for romance, especially that sappy type he always sees on tv.

No, Katsuki was gonna become the greatest hero, and he would do that alone.

He never thought much of it. It didn’t seem unusual to him that he never had an interest in anyone else, that he couldn’t join in on conversations where the topic was romantic love or sexual attraction.

In fact, he felt smug when all the other extras were held down by girlfriends and boyfriends and datemates while he was forging on ahead. Seeing the confusion and awe on their faces when he told them that he had never been attracted to anyone was enough to erase the slight embarrassment he felt at not being able to relate to them.

Katsuki was invincible, unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction, and he needs to let everybody know it.

(A few years later, at the tender age of 13, Katsuki finds he isn’t a superior being, he’s just aroace...

Well... okay then.)

He is aroace and still unaffected by the curse that is romantic and sexual attraction!

He didn’t really have friends to share his epiphany with, and the extras that followed him around were too dense to know what he was talking about to care. Besides, they’d probably just hear that he wasn’t attracted to girls and throw a fit.

Anyway, it’s not like he really wants to share this. No, this information is for Katsuki and Katsuki only.

But when he gets into UA, starts building a, admittedly reluctant at first, relationship with his classmates, the desire to tell them something he’s kept locked away grows.

It all comes to a head one night at the dorms. It’s a rare night of him hanging out in the common room with most of his other classmates.

Katsuki doesn’t know how the conversation steers this way, but the topic is now crushes. Some people are coming out, some people are just observing. Katsuki is becoming bored, and just as he gets up to leave, he’s noticed and asked, “Who do you have a crush on?”

He’s tempted to ignore the question, but surrounded by this open group of people that showed their support whenever someone revealed themself to be gay or bisexual or pan, he has the urge to let them know this part of him as well.

So he replies. “I don’t have one.”

“So who did you have a crush on?”

“Never had one either, Earjacks.”

Everyone becomes interested now.

Jirou looks skeptical, “It’s not weak to have a crush, yknow. If you don’t wanna tell us, fine, but to lie—”

“I ain’t lying, I’m aroace.”

There’s silent confusion, and Katsuki’s heartbeat thunders in his chest.

Someone asks what that is and, huffing, Katsuki tells them, “It means I don’t experience romantic, aro, or sexual, ace, attraction.”

They ignore his muttered “dumbasses” in favor of questioning him with a “You don’t, or you haven’t?”

“I just said I don’t. What are you on about?”

Kaminari then decides to speak up. “Dude, just give it time! You don’t know who you’re gonna meet that’ll knock you right off those stubborn feet of yours.” And he punctuates it with a wink.

Katsuki is getting annoyed.

“Okay, whatever. If that happens, that happens, but right now, it hasn’t. Therefore, I’m choosing the label aroace.”

Momo, with a finger on her chin and a contemplative expression on her face decides to voice, “But aren’t you acting a little hasty, Bakugou-kun? You shouldn’t use such a definitive label when you’re so young.”

Some people are voicing their agreement, and Katsuki feels like screaming, but he’s too busy being frozen in shock, looking at Momo with with the most incredulous look he could muster.

“What the actual fuck? How is me calling myself aroace any more ‘definitive’ than y’all calling yourself gay?” He can’t help the crack in his voice as he continues, “I’m genuinely confused.”

Before they could reply, Katsuki asks his own question with the most deadpan look he could offer:

“Do you ever wanna date a cat?”

There are exclamations of “No” and looks of bewilderment, but Katsuki continues, crossing his arms.

“Well I don’t think you should act so certain. I mean, maybe you haven’t met the right cat, yet.”

They’re telling him that that’s different, shouldn’t be used as an argument.

But then Kirishima perks up, and Katsuki feels dread consume him.

“Love, or don’t love I guess, who you... don’t... love, bro!”

And Katsuki feels hope bloom in his chest.

Only to have it crushed with his best friend’s next words.

“But we’re just trying to help you! We don’t want you to feel like you’re moving too fa—“

“Not only did I not ask for any help, but how is any of this helping me?!” Katsuki throws his arms in the air. “I came out to you guys, something we’ve been doing all evening, and you have the audacity to tell me I’m wrong?!”

He’s pacing now.

“Why the hell are you acting like I’m signing a death wish with my identity! You guys are the biggest fucking hypocrites, holy hell.”

Katsuki shakes his head and storms off, unwilling to be in that toxic situation any longer.

The next few days are met with guilt-ridden eyes from his classmates and the cold shoulder from him.

They don’t try to approach him, and for that, Katsuki is grateful, because he doesn’t know what he’d do if the people that rejected who he is tried to act like they did nothing wrong.

Yeah, maybe they weren’t being malicious, maybe it was just ignorance, but Katsuki is by no means obligated to forgive nor teach them. Until they pull their heads out of their asses and realize there’s a plus after LGBTQ for a reason, he’s perfectly fine with the distance.

OKAY SO TWO ENDINGS

1) The class that was there does their research and apologizes and are forgiven and whatnot (happy ending)

2) The class doesn’t do their research and just assumes that Katsuki doesn’t want to have sex or kiss anyone. They apologize, but the relationship is still tense with their ignorant comments and jokes. Katsuki is still hurt, especially when they start dating each other or other students, and he’s left to be the only one that values a strong friendship over romance. He feels left behind. (Angsty ending)

OR WAIT!!! ANOTHER ENDING!!!

3) The class doesn’t apologize or do their research, because they think Katsuki was making a big deal out of nothing. After those few weeks of the silent treatment, they try to approach him and act like everything is great.

Katsuki is angry and hurt, but eventually he finds comfort and very close friendships with Todoroki, Tokoyami, Shinsou, and Shoji. Not all of them are aroace, but they’re on the spectrum for one or both (bittersweet ending)

IM DONE!!! This honestly didn’t go the way I was thinking it would go, but I ain’t upset so it’s all good.

So ofc I projected with the being annoyed when people act like my sexuality isn’t a real thing (which is lots of ppl online and the classmates I told when they asked)

Also, that part about telling people that you’ve never had a crush and being smug when they’re like :0? Yeah, I used to do that until I was 13 when my older sib was like “yeah, you’re aroace” and I was like :0 “i saw that term in one fanfiction years back but i genuinely didn’t think abt it when i looked up to see what ‘ace’ meant but it fits perfectly”

So anyway, my sib also told me that what I was is Agender (which I knew abt but thought “that’s not me,,, right?” wrong) and I realized when they asked me if they could tell their friend my gender identity. I was confused like sure?? and then they said i was agender and their friend asked for my pronouns and i said i didn’t care

like,, i thought i was nb, but i wasn’t sure exactly what “type”(?) idk, but after that, i looked at the definition for agender that i didn’t understand before and was like :0 yep that’s me

ANYWAY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT WANT ALL OF THAT PERSONAL MUMBO JUMBO BUT THIS HC RELATES TO ME A LOT SO

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 💖💗💕💞💝

[the-stray-liger]

Okay, I'm probably going to sound like a dumbass, but I have no idea how to be a good ace ally, but I really wanna be. Like... I love them but how do I do good for them?

Mostly? Research, read, learn. The best way of avoiding mistakes and offenses is learning. 

Inform yourself on different types of attraction and such, learn about the identities in the aroace spectrum and for the love of god think twice before reblogging shitty tumblr jokes about how queerplatonic relationships are “basically just friendships��� because that is one fucking thing I cannot stand dlfjsdfs

Also remember this-if your support is conditioned only to aces who fit your definition of asexuality and you do not believe we belong in the LGBT+ community, your support doesn’t mean jackshit 

[signutai]

ATOMIC SAMURAI AND HIS DISCIPLES/CHILDREN PLS

YAAAAS! DAS WHAT I’M TALKIN ‘BOUTAtomic Samuraigeneral opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: His aesthetic. His skills. The fact that he’s somewhat-subtly the biggest fucking dork.worst quality: Could tone down the arrogance a lot, though.ship them with: I generally don’t ship him with anyone bc I headcanon him as being aroace in most settings, but I’ve played around pairing him with Zanbai, and in one very specific AU I’m working on he and King have a thing. (This was an entire year before the latest webcomic chapter, by the way. You can just imagine how surprised I was to get canon interaction between them and it following pretty closely to how I wrote it in my AU.)brotp them with: The Council members, Bang, Bushidrillneeds to stay away from: Romantically? Iaian. Just…no. Ship it if you want, but don’t bring it anywhere near me. In general? Anything that has the capability to regenerate. He doesn’t have a phenomenal track record with those things.misc. thoughts: No lie, Kamikaze is my absolute favorite OPM character. Only Bushidrill gets close to that top spot. He was actually the only character, basically, besides the mains, that I remembered after first binging the anime at four in the morning. Something about him just stuck with me. I love him. He’s a good guy, at his heart, but he’s also kind of a dumbass and has an elitist streak a mile wide. Aside from that, though, he’s obviously a very good and very dedicated teacher who cares about his students deeply and teaches them according to their needs instead of trying to turn them into carbon-copies of himself. 10000/10 best dad.Iaiangeneral opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hotcute | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: I adore the knight motif he’s got going on even as he wields a katana and his teacher is a samurai. Also, the fact that he keeps on truckin’ despite losing an arm.worst quality: His arrogance and god-awful attitude towards the other two.ship them with: No one, really. Occasionally with Blue Fire or Okamaitachi, but not really anything I’d put in a fic so far.brotp them with: Still no one. He seems like he keeps to himself and his little family and doesn’t have many friends.needs to stay away from: Garou. You can’t handle him, my sweet summer child. He’s going to step on your precious face.misc. thoughts: Look, I like Iaian. I really do. Cute guy. Good hero. But Chapter 69 shows he’s got a whole host of issues that he needs to work on–especially how he views his fellow disciples. “Subordinates”? Really? He is probably a little defensive, trying to prove that he can still be a hero–and his teacher’s disciple–after losing his arm, and having Atomic Samurai as a mentor isn’t going to inspire much humbleness, but I do hope he examines his behavior at some point and betters himself. That said, he’s an amusing, sweaty, perpetually-exhausted little ferret knight and still one of my faves.Okamaitachigeneral opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: Her everything. All of it. She’s a near-flawless goddess.worst quality: I wish she had a different hero name. I feel bad for her, and it easily lends itself to being translated in disgustingly transphobic ways by Reddit fuckboys.ship them with: Bushidrill, normally! Sometimes with Iaian.brotp them with: Butterfly DX, Eyelashes, Tanktop Girl, Stingerneeds to stay away from: Hot monsters. Kama, dear, you’re going to get yourself killed one of these days flirting with something that wants you dead. Please think of me and of your family.misc. thoughts: Oh, goodness. Okamaitachi is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. I love her dearly. She’s a canon trans character (as per the databook) and isn’t treated like a joke or made subject to transphobic remarks at all. She’s also a delightful spin on the trope of male characters being too distracted by sexy women to think straight–the guys almost never fall victim to that in this series, yet the trans woman goes nuts over the hot guys she sees, even if they’re monsters. It’s a refreshing change of pace. Also, she’s absolutely beautiful? Like she clearly puts a lot of effort into her look and pulls it off so well. I give props to ONE and Murata for treating her like a character who just happens to be trans instead of some kind of stereotype played for laughs, especially given that OPM is basically a parody. And she fights in boots with heels! BOOTS WITH HEELS! Just. Grace incarnate, really. I can’t wait to see her fight in the manga and the anime.Bushidrillgeneral opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banglet him hold my ace ass in his big, strong arms foreverhogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuffbest quality: His look is on-point. I love his whole Sanjuro-with-a-drill aesthetic. He’s a delightful homage, but still has enough differences to be his own character.worst quality: Stop grumbling at Kama so much, geez.ship them with: Okamaitachi! Bushweasel ship is best ship.brotp them with: Atomic Samurai and Stinger; I headcanon him and his teacher having a brotherly sort of bond, as well as him as having been a mentor of sorts to Stinger in Stinger’s earlier hero days. Their weapons have some similarities and there is the whole “Gigantic Drill Stinger” thing, after all!needs to stay away from: The generally-questionable decisions of everyone around him. Let him rest.misc. thoughts: Bushidrill is just…I can’t explain why I love him so much, okay? I just kind of latched onto him–possibly because, out of the four, he gets the least amount of fanart and attention–and it went from there. I adore that he’s the shortest of the four (from the databook stats, anyway), but also the widest and most muscular. The other three are clean-cut and well-groomed, and he’s unshaven, furry everywhere, and has messy hair and an outfit that’s clearly seen better days. He doesn’t use a sword–even though if we go by the databook he’s proficient with them as well, having been a wandering swordsman before joining up with Atomic Samurai–he’s ranked last yet obviously respected by the others, and there’s no evidence so far (in the manga, at least) that he uses his right hand for much more than scratching his face. He’s an oddball among the other three, but still fits in nicely, and I imagine he helps keep order amid the others’ unruly impulsiveness. And the databook says that Atomic Samurai trusts him a lot! He’s definitely someone who’s easy to dismiss at first glance, but more than likely plays a vital role in this weird, hodgepodge family. And! His stats are identical to the other two’s, except that he has a higher score in endurance! He’s a tank! I love that! Big, grumbly, middle-aged, drill-wielding samurai tank!These guys hold the first four of my top five favorites slots, okay? I’m love them all.

[afearing]

since apparently theres no consequences for delivering unto this website extremely long and good takes i will present to you my hot take on the ace d'escourse, with no sources because I Dont Feel Like It. its more words than is reasonable bc i have been stewing in this for like 4 years and if i dont type it out at some point im going to fucking lose it. no, literally, it’s 3 pages long in word about shit no one cares about anymore. please remember to like and subscribe.

some background on me, i id’d as ace for something like 8 years, from the first time i read the wikipedia page on it back in maybe 2009 or thereabouts. i also id’d as aro for about a year in 2016. that is to say, i have a lot of compassion and understanding for asexual individuals and feel i understand the inclusionist side of the argument pretty well, as i never questioned inclusionism until maybe 2014 or so, when the discourse blew up. i took some time off tumblr because i was so fucking distraught to think that, as i id’d as aroace at the time, that i had to come to terms with not being lgbt. lol i was a little too attached to being ‘gay’ because... fun fact, past dumbass self... you are gay. anyway, i really dont want anyone to feel that i hate them, but after i cooled off a little bit i realized that the exclusionist take on asexuality just makes more sense. hopefully i can explain why clearly enough.

i really believe that what is understood as aphobia is 100% of the time simply a manifestation of our culture’s expectations surrounding sexuality. while “expectations surrounding sexuality” as a very broad topic does indeed cover both the lgbt community and people on the ace spectrum, facing these issues does NOT make a person lgbt. i subscribe to the idea that lgbt is for people targeted directly by homophobia and transphobia. ace issues ARE super important to talk about and the whole inclus/exclus nonsense is entirely because this discourse has been put under the wrong category. im aware that probably most people will not care that much about my opinion on the correct framing of asexual activism as i no longer id as ace but i think this is important for everyone. sexual expectations also weigh on straight individuals, especially women, and i’m going to describe a few examples to try to demonstrate why i believe both that it doesn’t make sense to consider asexuality lgbt as well as why it does make sense to frame it as an issue based mainly in misogyny.

call out post for myself, i use reddit, and i think the r/childfree community is a good example of what i think the framing should be like. although it’s acknowledged that not wanting children has larger social consequences for women, both men and women talk about their issues in the forum, including horrific accounts of reproductive coercion and rape, the intersections with race/being lgbt/ageism (although they could do a LOT better with intersectionality, many posters do touch upon it), profoundly cruel comments made by those who have/want children, difficulty finding an understanding relationship partner, discrimination at work, misunderstandings and even hatred from family and acquaintances, discrimination in healthcare, etc.

i think you can tell where i’m going with this. even though being childfree cuts against the expectations for sexuality in most societies, even though it leads to unfair judgment from others, and even though they face discrimination on the basis of the way they express their sexuality, childfree people do NOT frame parenthood/childfreedom as an axis of oppression, nor do they claim that their lack of desire for children makes them lgbt. it’s not even a question if straight childfree people are straight, because duh? nor if the presence of lgbt childfree people makes the whole community fall under the lgbt umbrella, because it obviously doesn’t.

to drive the point home, the reason why this is NOT an axis of oppression is because parents face a ton of issues as well! they also face reproductive coercion as well as judgment over the number of kids they have, constant scrutiny and moralization over every aspect of their parenthood style, judgment based on parents’ age/wealth/sexuality/marital or dating status/race, housing and employment discrimination, especially for mothers, the government hating poor parents and cutting their benefits, and more i’m sure i’m not thinking of. again, this is due to societal expectations of sexuality. to complete the analogy, people who aren’t ace face their own set of challenges and discrimination. part of homophobia/biphobia is tinged with hatred of our sexual attraction; no one except for straight white men is allowed to really express their sexuality without backlash, and even then there is this shame leading to a lack of proper sex ed and horribly unhealthy understandings of sexual attraction in a large portion of the populace. so calling aphobia an axis of oppression is just not right. and in addition, the large proportion of lgbt aces doesn’t make asexuality lgbt, that’s not how groups work.

some more on what i mean by ‘expectations around sexuality’... in terms of my experience in the US, there is some blueprint in many people’s minds of what a person should be like in terms of sexuality, and that is something like “cishet, abled man, who is neither ace nor aro, who gets laid regularly (but not to excess) starting no later than 18 and ending no later than 28 when he settles down with one cishet abled wife, also neither ace nor aro, who has only had sex with up to three committed boyfriends, and they have precisely two children, approximately two years apart in age, whom the parents can financially and emotionally support to the utmost, because they are also moderately to very well off, and the parents work under traditional gender roles to raise their children as conventionally as possible.” and if you deviate from this script in ANY way that’s viewed with moral panic and scrutiny by someone. and the connection to misogyny is that women are seen as sort of the bastions of sexual morality. we are punished especially harshly for nonconformity.

if you’re poor you’re fucked because either you don’t have kids or you can’t send them off to private schools and feed them fancy organic shit. if you’re lgbt or polyamorous or aro or ace? fucked! if you dare to reproduce as a disabled person, and if your disability impacts your parenthood, especially for women, you’re practically crucified even in liberal circles. if you have too few kids or too many (don’t you know only kids turn out weird? / how can you possibly raise 5 children properly?), if you have too much sex or too little, if you split up the work in your relationship not along gender lines, if you do unconventional things in your parenthood, like accept your trans kids or move a lot or any number of other things, the social judgment rains down like the fires of fucking hell. meaning practically no one can escape it!! huge bonus to the screaming crowd with pitchforks if you’re a person of color or a woman, mega ultra bonus to women of color.

but does that make everyone i just talked about lgbt? no! although every single one of the groups i mentioned is tangentially related through this issue, even though all of them face a lot of horrible problems and discrimination, that does not make those issues inherently lgbt. again, they are tangentially related and i could see a good case for solidarity among many of the groups mentioned; all of them are fighting for greater acceptance of different kinds of relationships, greater acceptance of seeking happiness and being who you are rather than pressuring everyone to conform as much as possible to the LifeScript. but all of those groups are equally related to the lgbt community - that is, tangentially only. just as you can be childfree and straight, a stay-at-home dad and straight, a straight woman of color, so too can you be polyamorous and straight, ace and straight, or aro and straight.

that’s it for my main point. ace and aro people? your lives are hard. i’m not going to downplay it in any way because i know there are a lot of people who actually hate your guts. fuck, i’ve seen people full-on shittalk asexuality, in the internet and real life, in the most blatant of ways, so it’s not just something you can necessarily escape by logging off. not as much so for aro people tbh but i predict as much once the Public gets more wind of your existence. i fully believe that you face a higher risk of sexual assault; discrimination in relationships, housing, and the workplace; horrible comments from everyone who thinks their shitty opinion on your sexuality and love life matters; and I believe you that that hurts and is terrible and that you deserve a place to discuss and provide support.

but. those issues are not exclusive to you. they’re not exclusive to lgbt people, or oppressed people, and so those issues don’t and cannot make you lgbt, nor do they make ace/aro vs. allo an axis of oppression. our communities intersect, yes, considerably, but you are not a subset of lgbt. perhaps our rhetoric can help you, but because straight ace and aro people exist you cannot and should not consider yourselves lgb+. i think you understand that the issues you face are a form of oppression, but they are the result of the toxic and misogynistic sex culture in this society, which, yes, targets lgbt people but also, practically everyone, including groups which are definitively absolutely not inherently lgbt, such as parents, gnc straight people, poc, disabled people, the list goes on.

to conclude, what really converted me to being an ace exclusionist was the example of a straight grey or demi ace. how could you possibly argue that someone who falls in love with the opposite gender only, but with more conditions or less frequently than someone not aspec, is lgb+, can call themselves queer, etc.? exactly what material reality does that person share with a gay or bi person? i think that their issues fall in line with aspec community issues but extremely clearly not at all with lgbt ones. 

the end but post script since i brought up orientation modifiers: perhaps it isn’t my place to say, but i don’t think that microlabels are very healthy and that it would make more sense for the ace community to work on expanding the idea of what sexuality is than to try to create a label to describe every single person’s experience of their sexuality. not that i think you should necessarily kick grey ace people out of the aspec community or that they’re not valid or whatever, but that perhaps it makes more sense to say that some people experience sexual attraction less frequently, and that’s alright. i don’t know.  i spent sophomore year of high school poring over those mogai blogs looking for some new orientation label that would make me go like, oh my god that’s me! and believing that if those labels helped people feel that way they weren’t doing any harm. but what actually finally made me feel like that was expanding my understanding of what attraction is and a better conception of lesbian issues and why i might feel so disconnected from my sexuality and why i might be obsessing over every interaction with a guy looking for signs i was attracted to him but feel super disgusted whenever they exhibited interest in me. i spent so long trying to go like maybe im cupioromantic lithsexual and feeling terrified that that i had such a weird and esoteric sexuality that no one could ever possibly understand enough to be in a relationship with me... like, ok dyke! i know a lot of people have had similar experiences and i don’t think i know a whole ton of people now in college who are still doing that, which makes me think those labels are more harmful than not. 

i guess that’s anecdotal but it’s easier for me to believe that a person could cling to those labels due to internalized homophobia than actually have a new form of sexuality heretofore undiscovered throughout all human history, but that’s just me. and so many of them just sound so unhealthy, like dreadsexual. i really wish people would work on expanding what not being asexual can mean and look like and i dont think there would be this drive to create these labels anymore. even demisexual which i think is probably the most mainstream conditional orientation, i think many people who have never heard of it and are perfectly content not to would describe the way they experience sexuality a similar way and just consider it normal. sexual attraction isn’t necessarily having your nethers set aflame upon first making eye contact with someone, it looks different for every person and it’s alright to just be how you are without making it part of your whole identity.

The End II. this is 2,200 words. if you read this far you’re a fucking mad l- *the academy cuts my mic line while looking directly at the camera like in the office*