#art has got to be the worst thing to be into cause it's less of a skill thing and more of a coming to terms with yourself thing

[vertigo-tango]

morning

might paint this later but i think this is all i'm drawing for today

obligatory song rec

[anniflamma]

AnniFlamma, we all love your fanart and animatics of Epic: The Musical, please don't let a few shitty people demotivate when 100x those people love and adore the stuff you make, along with all other animators!

Stay safe and take care, we will always be here and I can't seem to repeat this enough but we love your art

Thank you and everyone for reaching out to me. I will be honest with you all that what happened did upset me a lot, but I am very lucky to have people to go to for support. I will even blame some of them for making me cry, my friends, I mean, because if I am upset and if someone asks me if I am okay, I just break down. 😅 But I used our little server as a ground to vent, and right now I feel much better now.

But I will still be honest that I meant what I said that my interest in making Epic fan content has reduced a lot. I still love Epic, and I still really want to do the whole Ithaca saga, but I have also realized that posting content about it has caused me to feel anxious.

An example is when I finished The Challenge animatic, I felt an extreme wave of anxiety when I was going to press the upload button. And the worst thing? My anxiety confirmed the fears. I have gotten tiktok comments saying that I am a freak for drawing Penelope nude despite it being in a non-sexual way. Apparently, I have to be constantly reminded that female bodies are icky and the world hates women. Aaaaaaand then to get hit by that TikTok video of thousands of people shitting on me, Duvetbox, Gigi, Mircy, Neal, and so many more…

If you have noticed, I have posted less, all types of content for Epic. I don’t do my headcanons anymore, I never wrote that full review of Epic, I feel less keen on drawing fanart, let alone joking about shipping here online. I remember when I made a joke about shipping Aphrodite and Athea because they were the only female characters interacting with each other (ignoring Hera), and then I took it as a critique that Epic failed the Bechdel test. After that, I got plenty of anonymous messages about how I am an evil person for shipping those two goddesses… Just say that you don’t know what the Bechdel test is and block me... 😑

I also hate how my first negative experience with the Epic fandom was pure homophobia toward my Bible animatics. Like, they used negative language toward gay people to tell me to make Epic content instead. There is this weird obsession where people expect me and other artists to only do one thing, which is Epic, and if we dare to do something else, we get punished or infantilized, like we didn’t have any say when Casper commissioned us for Stories of Styx. Don’t get me started on how fucking awful people were to Casper and Teagan….

I hate how people easily tell others things, only for them to unquestionably believe everything said about me. Like the amount of "Anni made Ody/Circe porn, uwaaaa!!" And then, the moment someone questions them and forces them to realize I never made such a thing, they double down and say that I shouldn't have made Circe nude in the original animatic "cuz female bodies are icky" or the classic "Well, I haven’t seen the porn video, but someone told me it existed, so I’m going to believe it exsits." Like, you could tell these people that the sky is green, and they would believe you.

Then there’s that whole "Anni supports rape" or "Anni felt bad for the suitors and wanted Penelope to get raped" insanity. Those quotes stems from ppl was crashing out when I made a post criticizing Epic’s way of addressing the topic of rape. In that post, I was suggesting that I would like the story better if Odysseus were actually morally ambiguous when killing the suitors. How could anyone even think Ody was in the wrong for killing the suitors because he wanted to protect Penelope? How can he be a monster after that? I don’t know, I support a husband protecting his wife from gang rapists, but I guess that was the worst thing for me to ever say, huh? Like, how dare I criticize their almighty Jorge…

It’s insane that I have an easier time handling hateful Christians compared to TikTok Epic fans. 😅

Oh well... I’ve had so many bad experiences with the TikTok Epic fandom over the past two years. And eventually, you just want to log off.

I’m thinking of stopping posting Epic content at all on TikTok as a first step. If TikTok Epic fans hate my fanart that much, then I’ll do them the favor of never seeing it from my account. I will, however, continue posting my Bible animatics there. And if I continue working on my Hold Them Down animatic and if I ever finish it… I will only be active here on Tumblr and on YouTube.

And so, at this moment, I will take a pause from Epic. It probably won’t be that long because, despite everything, I love that musical. But I also have to remind myself that, despite there being so many negative remarks toward not only me but the other artists, there is a lot of love from you actual fans. I have about 138K subscribers on YouTube. That’s 138K individuals who love my work so much that they want to see more of it. THAT IS TOTALY INSANE! And I will never forget that! And I am so thankful for all of you and your support. Thank you and I love you guys! 💕

I’m also planning on making a better-formulated post about this another day. All of this is just me ranting and want to take a short break, focusing on something else.... Maybe... Venice the musical? 😅

[sandflakedraws]

Okay I’m not even into trolls or anything, but that height analysis was pretty cool and interesting lol

Any more things you analyzed? (Or even a fun fact, idk, just wanna see people talk about things they like)

i've analyzed quite a lot but one thing i haven't seen other folks fully explore is the horrific living conditions in that bottle.

i know why it's not covered in film, cause again, this story is a silly musical comedy for kids! and if it were given it's full appraisal, the tone of the movie would be absolutely shot.

...

but like,,,, it's so dang bad in there my dude. it's SO bad.

like, in it's upright position, the diamond's base isn't big enough for floyd to lay down on, without cricking his neck severely.

so even when we see him drifting to sleep, he's sitting. minimum 2 months of trying to sleep sitting up. (against a cold/hard surface no less)

(he's also got an instant-wake response to . someone lightly tapping on the door. . .)

oh and also! the air in there has gotta be super thin, as there is but a single breathing hole at the top of it, not even as wide as a troll finger.

and that's ! when it's not capped off ! most of the time, it's got the spritz cap on, making it even harder for any air to circulate in there.

while we're at it ; since that's the only opening (no clasps, no grooves, no visual indicators that it can open via any other method at all, hence the film's conceit that the brothers need to hit the PFH to free him), i'm inclined to believe that it's also the only way to get food to him...

... which is to say you can have your pick of many terrible options for that. whether velvet & veneer tried to mash something through there, or have him sip from the world's worst gerbil feeder,

or they just. didn't feed him at all. and he's only alive because it's a magic world.

wHICH IS STILL SAYING NOTHING ABOUT HOW THEY ACTUALLY HANDLE HIM

plugging those excerpts cause. y. yeah... they're not gentle with him at all. bro is Bruised to all hell.

.... and none of this has to do with the actual core threat in the movie, which is having his core forcefully ripped from his body, leading to the whiteness and crystallization we see goin on.

in conclusion i need way more art/fics covering floyd's recovery okay? okay.

[aestherians]

sorry to be a hater of sorts. but you are not an animal, or whatever else other than a human that you happen to identify as.

it is not about wanting. it is about BEING, and if you look in the mirror you’ll realise you’re just a human. it doesn’t make a difference if you struggle with it. get over it. a lot of people have to get over it. you cannot be indulged in a fantasyland 24/7. quite simply, grow up

Huh, I don't think I've gotten one of these asks since 2017...

First things first, starting off a rather hateful and concern-trolling message with "sorry" doesn't alleviate you of any potential harm done. You're trying to upset me. You're rude, you're mean, and you clearly realize it, since you're only willing to say these things anonymously. Don't try to soften your blows by apologizing preemptively. It's bitchy at best and belittling at worst.

I'm gonna take a guess and say this is a copy-pasted message, since you couldn't even be bothered to name my therio-/kintypes. How many other people have you tried to upset with these messages? And for what reason? What's your goal? Is the world not cruel enough already?

But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, since these kinds of messages have become such a rarity, and since I haven't written anything for this blog in months. Consider it an invitation to reach out again some day, once you've mulled things over. I'll get vulnerable with you and lay myself bare, and in return I hope you'll consider seeing me as a person, instead of just a target for your anger.

You say reality, identity, and self-perception ('cause that's what this is; that's what otherkinity is) is about being, not wanting. I say that's an oversimplified worldview.

Who can we be if there's nothing we want? A person without desires is hardly a fully realized person. The identity of the person who wants something is as genuine as the identity of the person who has achieved something - even if they're perceived differently, and their material realities are different. The musician who dreams of going platinum, but who never gets out of dingy bars and self-published mixtapes, will still see a musician when she looks in the mirror - even if others just see a mediocre hobbyist. Even if others compare her to professionals, natural talents, and nepo-babies, whose achievements she can never hope to reach. Should the wanting musician let others define for her what it means to be a musician? Even if her music is bad and she'll never hit it big? She wants to be a musician. She plays because of her desires. She lives her life according to her wants. Does that not make her wants a part of who she is?

To some extent you are what you want. The line between wanting and being is blurry.

I do want to be nonhuman, on some level. I'd gladly give up this life to live as a gnoll. I suppose my desires are fantastical, but no less so than those of the poor musician who dreams of going platinum. Should she stop playing because she'll never achieve her dreams? Should I stop calling myself a gnoll just because I'll never have the body of one? I act out being a gnoll, through my digital persona, my fantasy scenarios, and my art. I do what I can to be a gnoll. I am as much an embodiment of my desires as the mediocre hobbyist musician is.

Have you ever gotten what you wished for?

I collect trading cards as a hobby. After years of searching, I got some of my dreamies and completed parts of my collection. I felt satisfied for a day, but the satisfaction quickly turned into boredom and listlessness. My instincts (be they human or gnoll) crave the hunt more than the kill. I get a greater thrill out of wanting than achieving. I wouldn't be happy without my unachievable desires.

I think, on some level, to want is to be.

And while my wants may be strange, at least they don't involve deliberately trying to hurt other people.

[flower-boi16]

https://www.tumblr.com/flower-boi16/774678304341016576/i-thought-you-already-learnt-in-literacy-class

yeah, the issue isn't wanting the show to have a moral spelled out at the end or even that stol1tz is problematic.

the issue is that the show outright romanticizes its problematic ship - it isn't trying to be some character study of two messed up people without wanting the audience to come to any conclusions. It's blatantly obvious that the show is designed to make the audience think two things:

one: Stolas is only a tiny bit not really flawed and is basically the innocent wronged party in the relationship breakdown and 99% of the problems were caused by Blitzo and his insecurities and selfishness

and two: they actually want us to root for Stol1tz to work out.

and anyone who points out that they have no chemistry or that how Stolas started and continued the whole affair is textbook sexual extortion (something which the show has completely swept under the rug and refused to address) somehow gets accused of being a puritan or having low media literacy? even though critics are ones actually paying attention to the details that suggest stol1tz is a car crash waiting to happen and Stolas has been nothing but babied through the entirety of s2?? make it make sense

absolutely nothing about their duet in mastermind reads ironic, it's all terribly trite and sincere in expecting the audience to think their romance is tragic and moving. there's no reason to think the show is all that interested in exploring the dynamics of a messy relationship because the show outright refuses to meaningfully discuss the worst and messiest part of it except in passing i.e. the transactional deal. ffs, they spent all of apology tour calling Blitzo and Stolas "exes" when they never even dated. the show is outright rewriting its own history solely to avoid talking about the messy stuff because it would make Stolas look bad

also it's incredibly rich that people keep pulling out the "you just want a morality tale where you're told what to think, and that's bad writing!" card when this is literally what apology tour was. the show was outright screaming at the viewer to think that Stolas is the victim, that Blitzo is way worse than s1 had built him up to be and that Blitzo needed to apologize. the whole thing is structured around the moral of Blitzo needing to apologize and Verosika outright saying the point of the episode: "if you wanna change, say good for him (when he runs off to make out with someone else first chance he gets after claiming he loved you)"

I mean Blitzo basically says to the camera "the only reason I rejected Stolas was because the class difference made me insecure and I push away everyone who could care about me". it's incredibly blunt, garbage obvious storytelling

the writing isn't subtle at any other time (cough cough, Stella, cough) but suddenly when it comes fans asking why the writers aren't calling Stolas out for basically any of his shit suddenly the show is treated like some nuanced high art character drama where no one is allowed to openly discuss the sexual extortion shaped elephant in the room.

and it's blatantly not that. the closest helluva ever got to well done storytelling was in s1 and Viv flushed all that down the toilet the minute s2e1 happened

I still find it amazing how my post critisizing the fandom for not knowing what the actual critiques of the show are still holds up today. These are the kinds of fans that pretend that the highest amount of hard-hitting critique for Helluva and Hazbin comes from randos on tumblr when the critisicm these shows get extends far more than just tumblr. If anything, tumblr is less than a FRACTION of the people voicing their issues with the show.

And, if you actually payed attention to discourse surrounding the series on other platforms, mainly youtube....you would find people have far more nuanced critiques than "PROBLAMATIC = BAD!!!".

HELL, Sarcastic Chorus, one of the most popular Youtuers discussing the series, initially liked Stolitz BECAUSE of the problamatic elements, but he stopped carring for it because the show WASN'T ACTUALLY ADDRESSING THEM!!!!

But these fans focus more on trying to strawman critics rather than actually trying to meaningfully engauge with disscussion on the issues with the shows.

Because they can't handle people critisizing their favourite demon show.

[vintagegeekculture]

RIP Tracy Tormé, Creator of the "Holodeck Malfunction Episode" and Sliders

Tracy Tormé’s most enduring legacy in popular culture is that, while a writer on TNG’s tempestuous first and second seasons, he created the entire concept of the Holodeck Malfunction Episode.

Yes, even people who suggest you skip TNG’s first couple seasons say that “The Big Goodbye” is one you don’t want to miss. And there was a very nice tribute to Tracy Torme in an episode of Picard, which had him as the author and creator of Dixon Hill… which he is, and deserves credit for this.

I suppose I should mention I had a personal encounter with Tracy Tormé at a convention. The main thing I remember was that he looked absolutely terrified when someone asked him about what happened with “The Royale,” far and away TNG’s worst episode except the clip show, about the crew getting trapped on a hotel they can’t leave from a badly written book. To his great credit, he took responsibility for the episode not working and did not pass on the problems to the production crew.

The most extraordinary thing about Tracy Torme is that he had a Forrest Gump like ability to appear in the background of scifi culture’s greatest moments.

Not only was he inside the TNG writers’ room in 1987-88, he was around during the production of Terminator with James Cameron. Tormé was the one who, hearing about the production of the film, squealed on it to Harlan Ellison, telling Ellison that it was based on his old Outer Limits episodes, with a visual based on his script for “Demon With a Glass Hand.” In other words, he was the Gavrilo Princip who got that entire conflict started, where two of the most proud personalities in scifi butted heads, James Cameron vs. Ellison. Cameron, to this day, insists that the film company gave Ellison money and a credit because it was easier to pay him off than to go through litigation (which rings true, frankly, for risk averse production companies), and to this day Cameron insists, with his absolutely expected big dick swagger, that Ellison is a “parasite” who received money for nothing, and if it had been up to him, he wouldn’t have given him a dime.

It’s also worth mentioning that Torme also created the TV series Sliders.

Has anyone else noticed that Sliders is an incredibly right wing show? Seriously, watch it again if you haven’t seen it in years. If you haven’t watched this show since the 90s and you were a kid and all that went over your head, it’s kind of amazing how Limbaugh/Newt Gingrich era right-wing Sliders actually was. It made 24 look like Doonesbury. The targets of Sliders were 90s New Right satire: health care systems, infuriating hippies, the nanny state disallowing the public smoking of cigars, California weirdness, the drug culture, the USSR. Torme’s right wing views were less John Millius-style “blood alone moves the wheel of history” stuff, but more like that of a slobby regular joe in the 90s, Dennis Leary’s character in Demolition Man for instance, who mostly just wants to smoke cigars, ogle girls, and eat hamburgers without getting scolded by his wife. He was less “Passion of the Christ” and more “Animal House.”

I am not saying this as a negative, but merely a description. Contrary to popular belief, right wingers driven by bizarre sexual pathology and weird grudges produce amazing art, as Millius and John Swartzwelder show. A lot of Steven Universe fans love to say things like “all good art is about empathy and kindness” and I reject that notion. Good art can also be about reflecting things in the human experience like fear, trauma, cruelty, and paranoia.

For that reason, it doesn’t surprise me that Tracy Torme’s best movie script was a horror film about a traumatic experience, Fire in the Sky. An ominous movie about a vanished ranch hand who was the victim of alien abduction, in the earned finale the film’s tension builds toward, our hero remembers the true cause of his missing time: an abduction by aliens, who’s motives are emotionless and incomprehensible, and who subject him to horrific vivisection that we see in excruciating detail. Travis Walton is treated not with sadism or cruelty, but with icy detachment, by alien superintellects that view him as no different than cattle, and are to him as we are to cattle. The most terrifying detail of the film is that the classic “gray alien” look turns out to be spacesuits, revealing a far more frightening appearance underneath.

[justcruisingaroundrevived]

Don’t Go Back to Our Old Place,It’s Probably Locked Up Anyway

Summary: Epilogue! Julie headcanons and Epilogue! BillJulie

A/N: I’ve actually had more ideas for Epilogue! BillJulie than current BillJulie surprisingly enough lol. So, this is the result of that!

Reblogs are appreciated!

GENERAL HEADCANONS

Julie wasn’t apart of the fire, but her parents were so concerned that Julie would go the same path as their daughter, plus the fact their grandma had past away, it was perfect timing to leave Eltingville

She never gets to say goodbye to Bill. She just sends him a care package (chocolate, a Major Violence omnibus, maybe some new socks, maybe a Barbie comic to remember her by)

Going back to the Wall Street penthouse was weird. Sure, she got her big room back and was able to travel more easily (Staten Island had terrible public transportation), but she still aches for Bill for some reason (even though she knows how toxic he is).

She tries to keep in contact with the EMT, but really only stays friends with Kate (especially through AOL messenger).

As for her real life, it’s pretty good! Graduated at SVA, worked hard and now works at Dark Horse! Sure, it can be tedious working on those backgrounds, but she wouldn’t have it any other way

Kate’s became a lawyer, and is getting started on her own firm! They go out for drinks when they can; Julie shares her latest works and Kate complains about her clients (she’s willing to sell their secrets for a box of wine)

It was posting her art that she meets Mandi. They have complete different interests, but who cares?! Mandi’s a sweetheart, and knows how to have fun! What could go wrong?! Mandi’s dating a good guy, and he sounds like a catch honestly-Oh god it’s Jerry

Their reunion is awkward to say the least. Jerry apologizes for the shit he pulled on Julie, and Julie apologizes for some things she did. They’re friendly to each other (mainly for Mandi’s sake)

Julie gets to invited to Comic Con to be a featured artist! She definitely overpacked and brought all of her work in progress (including a revival of Major Violence and one original one (first time as a lead artist))

She didn’t meet Jerry inside, instead opting to help Mandi to park the car.

Everything was perfect; hanging out with her best friend, getting her own booth, finally having movie to spend at the con itself. It’s a dream come true.

If only Mandi wasn’t walking towards the worst group in the world

COMIC CON

Now, we know canon. Epilogue Bill is a toxic waste. He’s misogynistic, nasty and is essentially a man child who will forever stay like that

However (in my opinion), since Bill and Julie were (kind of) High school sweethearts, I think it would a Madonna-whore complex situation. He would see Julie as the person who can cleanse his soul. If he can be nice to Julie, that means every single mistake he made in his life.

Julie’s friendly with the group. She hugs Pete, Josh and kissed Bill’s cheek (force of habit).

That just caused both of them to clam up when they meet eye to eye. Julie looks so different; longer hair, lost some of the weight, wearing a shirt of her favorite movie, and is overall looks more confident.

To Julie (and everyone who has eyes), Bill looks the same. He’s gained some weight (definitely a beer belly) and had a scuffle going on, but that’s about it. Still wearing the same Batman shirt, the same haircut, and the same attitude.

Josh is still the same guy (just maybe less irritating)? Pete’s over ecstatic to meet Julie for some reason, and Jerry’s been Jerry.

Bill could feel himself boiling up inside. He hates women, he hates their existence and the way they invade his space. Just seeing them in his vicinity just makes his blood boil…but he doesn’t feel like that with Julie

It’s strange. He’s seen all of her geekiness, how immature she can get, how much of a crybaby she is, and yet…

She sits down next to Bill (of course she does) and listens to the other members endeavors (she’s secretly horrified on what Pete is doing honestly)

When it’s time for Bill to speak, I don’t think he would have such an extreme outburst (at least compared to the comics). He’d be so nervous and feel like he’s been transported back to being a teenager (or even his young self during his first presentation), so he would either stammer through his sentences or just be straight up and not sugarcoat anything, looking away when Julie simply smiles at him

The club would absolutely know what’s up (considering he was not afraid of bragging to him about his endeavors). Pete definitely cracks jokes about him being “whipped after all these years”

She wouldn’t stick around and leave the table to help up the booth, and the anger Bill’s been carrying just boiled over and the outburst happens

As for the riot, Julie was told to “SAVE YOURSELF” and tried to run to the exit, but saw Mandi being almost trampled and saved her before getting out of the con (Mandi and her got into a fight because of this; “You could’ve gotten hurt!” “I didn’t want to see you get killed!”)

POST RIOT

Julie still gets paid for the convention and is compensated for her ticket home

Bill and the rest of the group got placed under arrest (Jerry turned himself and the others in), and Julie visits Bill in his holding cell

He’s sleeping, not really hearing Julie. She notices a couple of beat up spots and his finger being broken

She doesn’t know how to feel about Bill or his actions, so he probably just stands there before leaving him in the cell

She dives right into her work and just focuses on getting further into the industry

One day, she finds a Facebook marketplace post on selling old comic books. Her younger cousin’s birthdays’ coming up, and many of the comics have his interests, so she takes up the offer

Plot twist: it was Bill’s post.

They both really don’t know what to do expect look at each other and Julie awkwardly taking the package with her (Bill probably doesn’t talk to her, opting to stay silent)

It’s Julie who breaks the silence with a “Hey…do you want to get coffee? On me.”

Bill non verbally accepts and walks her to the car. This should be a quick meeting, right?

This man will have three children with her

[ratwithhands]

Character relations/opinions!

Alright before I post any more Battle Addict stuff I should probably explain what a League Council is. Here's a summarized diagram:

A Pokemon League is a region's network of specialized skilled trainers. It is run by the League Council, which includes finance, HR, marketing, PR, and other managing departments which are divided into different branches depending on who they work with.

This is all to say that everything gets messy very quickly when news of the diagnosis spreads through the network. Originally the diagnosis was supposed to be private information for only the Battle and League departments, however certain higher ups felt it was a safety risk and notified gym leaders as well in the event of future collaborations.

The network is mostly divided into people who are positive/neutral about the news, and people who feel negatively about the twins as a result. Coworkers who were already familiar/close with the two tend to be positive, or at least supportive, whereas those who didn't know them got another reason to avoid them. Some people think they should go on leave for "recovery", but some are more forward and want them terminated.

If you're wondering where Cynthia falls in this, she's a foreign top league worker (Sinnoh Champion) who is hosted in Unova. Basically she has dept. employees assigned to help her connect to people around the region and get different services if requested. She's basically watching everything unfold from the sidelines, with every interview about her opinion boiling down to "lol if you're scared of people stronger than you then get good". She does also bring up historic accounts of CM/HCCM though, mostly to clarify that CM is not a new or scary thing. She's not for or against the twins, rather just hoping to use this as an opportunity to teach others.

I didn't end up drawing her because I got tired but Elesa got the news too!! She actually got it before everyone else since the twins decided to go tell her beforehand. The general scene basically had Ingo and Emmet deliberating in the car, Ingo telling Emmet it's not too late to turn around and go home while Emmet was hesitant but adamant that they needed to tell her first. She probably took it the worst out of everyone but that's mostly just cause it caught her off guard that her friends would just randomly drop in to deliver the news. She's still rooting for them though, mostly trying to support the Subway with more collaborative events to make the twins look better after the hit from the media. She also tries to rework Emmet's restraints where possible, usually trying to make them look more cohesive with the rest of an outfit or trying to make them less visible (cause as much as Emmet says it's not a big deal it's still the first thing he looks at in his reflection).

Here's them in alt clothes :7

Man is cuffed under there (T_T)

Can't really think of too much to say so hope you guys like the art and see you later!

[a103-chris-mm]

Sturniolo Holes Moodboards + Nate doe

Nick- Code - 16 - Nick had a belief that there was something up with their school so he hacked into the schools system only to find that the administration has favoritism to certain rich students. He planned to expose them but he got caught. Once at camp green lake he was quiet at first, he wasn't shy but he was incredibly angry about the situation and wasn't in the mood to interact with other boys. plus he didn’t necessarily like the boys. He got along with Zero quickly and zero had viewed him as family. Nick and Stanley helped zero learn to spell…..He got the name code because of his hacking abilities.

Matt- Match - 16 - Matt had gone joyriding with his friends. Although he didn’t steal the car he didn’t really stop either. Once at camp green lake, he was a diffuser of all tension. He was a peacemaker. He immediately became friends with Stanley and Magnet. Magnet and Matt shared their love for dogs. Because he didn’t talk much unless conflict was happening, he didn’t complain much about digging the holes. Everyone saw him as very a chill person. This gained the respect of x-ray…… He got the name Match for somehow always matching everyone's energy. 

Chris- Trip - 16 - Chris was sentenced because he spray painted all over his school. If it wasn't his artwork of targeting the school board it was art of a brand he wanted to start in the future called Fresh Love. Once at camp green lake, he immediately was butting heads with Zigzag. They were always going back and forth because of Zigzags accusations of Chris thinking he's better than everyone else. Eventually, Zigzag warmed up to Chris and they slowly became friends. Chris also got along with Squid right off the bat. He was always able to make everyone laugh…. He got the name Trip for constantly causing chaos and “trip” something up. 

Nate- Shade - 15 - Nate didn’t actually do anything wrong to get there but he just happened to look very shady and be in the worst spot possible when something was being stolen. Once at camp green lake the D-tent asked him what he did, they immediately thought he killed someone. When he told them the truth they just brushed him off saying he looked too shady to not have done something crazy. Of course the triplets believed him because they knew him. He got along with the boys well and became close friends with squid, magnet, and armpit….He of course earned the name Shade for looking shady as hell.

Extra info: 

When Stanley runs away to go after Zero, the triplets help distract Mr. Sir by starting a massive food fight in the mess hall.

Nick figures out something is weird about the digging pattern and begins mapping the holes….realizing they’re not random.

Matt tries to comfort Stanley when Zero ran off

Chris is the one who suggested they sing while digging to make things less painful and boring (if you don't know what im talking about…. listen to “dig it up”)

Even though being trapped at this place the triplets still felt happy that they all were there together

When the triplets saw Nate there they immediately made fun of him for the situation 

Triplets definitely have beef with Dr. Pendanski and make fun of him every second they can

not proof read

tags;@pair-of-pantaloons, @sturns-mermaid, @matt-sturnioloo

[mxjez]

it's that time during my yearly mha obsession that I attempt to redesign the girls.

Uraraka's isn't horrible, I just think the astronaut theme could've been executed better. And the more I look at the heel boots the more they weird me out. Plus, her belt plus pink strip gives underwear vibes.

Loose pants, chonky space boots. That's all I wanted. This is like a first suit versus updated suit thing.

Momo's is the fucking worst of course. The cape she gets later on is the only good part of her suit. I'd be find with her having heels, but not three inches or whatever's going on here. Two max for being out in the field.

I meant to give her a bit more heel but forgot. Anyway, her thighs, stomach, and back are exposed since they're bigger areas of fat and parts of her arms are also exposed since I kind of imagine her pulling out stuff by reaching over as it's created. Again, a first suit next to a later update one. I gave her a mask later...I guess cause Midnight has one, idk.

The more I look at Mina's the less I dislike it. It's not bad, but once I saw that in the manga her pattern was meant to resemble poisonous frogs I got a bit disappointed in the first one again. Plus, for a hero named Pinky there's a lack of pink in her suit. I know SHE'S pink, but if you're gonna make it your name then put it in the suit!

I'm not super happy with either of these, but I think I got my point across with the first one. Pink and poison pattern! The one on the right was just a fun experiment, maybe one of her dance outfits or something i dunno.

This isn't a redesign edit this is me trying to figure out how I want my fanfic quirkless midoriya to look. His hero suit is honestly really good and I couldn't think of what I wanted to change, so I just adjusted the mask to more clearly have a smile and gave him a knife. The second has Hatsume Mei's grappling gear so that he can sort of Spider-Man around, metal on his shoes for kicking, and a bit of jetpack power on his shoes so that he can cushion his landings, give his jumps a boost, and maybe move around similar to Gran Torino. I'm not sure if I'll keep the clunky hip grapples since he has them on his wrists, but I drew it just in case.

also I just drew ON TOP of their official designs since they're just meant to be quick idea sketches, so I'm not going to claim this as completely original art, but these are my edits so just keep that in mind.

[jinkiezzsstuff]

Knight

Emily x male!reader

this was requested by @wfig123 and the request was: “can you do Emily x male!reader where Emily becomes a fallen angel and ends up with Valentino, but reader saves her and he takes care of her”. They also drew art to go with this request which is so cute! <3 Their art is added below t

Summary: Emily coudlnt sit silently and watch heavens cruelty once Adam was gone, after a fight with Sera nothing could be done when the hellfire sucked her down. And just as Emily’s hope lifted with Charlie finding her, it dropped again when she got snatched up, luckily you like playing knight in shining armour

Warnings: Valentino and his crew, bad explanations of action sorry gang lmao, kinda disney-esque saviour stuff, kidnapping, swearing, sexual harassment, Emily is portrayed as meek, male reader, no physical description except the reader has lightning powers like last request. NOT PROOFREAD alrighty lads lemme know what i missed :))

word count: 2.2k

It was an unfortunate state of events for Emily, one minute she’s being guided by Sera, then she finds out her guide, the one she adored most, lied to her. Charlie opened Emily’s eyes to world she never knew existed and the goodness in her heart wouldn’t allow Charlie to fight the battle alone, especially knowing that those were human souls, just like they had in heaven, she had to believe.

Emily had pestered Sera since Charlie left, and when the extermination happened, Emily couldn’t just stand by as Lute returned single handed, uh, literally. Emily had what could only be described as a mental breakdown paired with an identity crisis. She screamed at Sera about how angels were the symbol of love, peace and that the exterminations are everything but that. Not to mention it brought forth a catalyst of problems, with Lutes missing arm, and Adam seemingly dead, it wouldn’t be long until the whole of heaven heard of what’s become. Emily’s emotional outburst caused catastrophe, as the portals opened to pull Emily down all Sera could do was stand aside watching the hellfire grip and pull her down, Emily screaming for Sera to help her, to do something.

And just like that Sera had backstabbed Emily a second time, or was it a third? Landing harshly in the smog, and ashes, Emily coughed, her wings burning her dress tattered. Physically she didn’t change but her halo had fallen and horns curled out of her hair. Overwhelmed with emotions, Emily curled into herself in the dilapidated alleyway, unsure of what to do from here on out. After another good cry, Emily pulled herself off the ground, hair tattered, dress dirty and feeling the worst she’d ever felt. It was like falling into heaven took the clouds from her eyes so she could see things as they really are, and as much as she hated the feeling, she preferred to know.

That’s when it hit her, the reason she originally fell, Charlie, the hotel, safety. With new motivation Emily pulled herself off the ground beginning to walk towards the open streets. Eyes jumping from demon to demon, brick building to brick building, it was surprisingly advance and the demons looked less grisly, like she originally imagined.

If anything it looked like a crueller heaven, which she supposes shouldn’t be a surprise considering Lucifer was drone heaven originally. Stumbling through the streets, many demons could tell she was fresh meat by the way she carried herself, it was very skittishly, something that screamed victim.

Wringing her hands together, she went to ask some lady demons, who looked kind, where the hotel resided. However before she could a gasped sounded out behind her, turning on her heel Emily barely had time to catch her footing when Charlie crashed into her, giving her a organ crushing hug. “Oh my goodness Em! My dad got a message from the Seraphim! We were so worried there’s been a search out all day!” Charlie exclaimed, pulling away to inspect the fallen angel. Emily began to tear sniffling at the thought of people looking out for her, it was much kinder when people were willing to risk themselves for you.

Wiping away tears sheepishly, Emily shot Charlie a kind smile. “Thank you so much Charlie, I- it’s been so scary, I don’t know what i would have done without you.” Emily says meaningfully, giving Charlie a warm look.

“Cmon, let’s head back to the hotel so we can call everyone back.” Following close behind Charlie, Emily slumped twiddling her fingers as she walked down the hectic streets. Across the way a demon screams for mercy, before a shot rings out making Emily jump. “Is it, uh, always like this?” She asked meekly, not entirely sure of what she wanted the answer to be. Smiling Charlie nodded looking a little embarrassed at the fact. “Yeah, i mean some of these souls don’t deserve what they get, which is why stronger, and more violent demons go after them. Like that poor guy.” Charlie ushered Emily away with a guiding arm behind her back.

Pulling out her phone, Charlie sent a message to Angel, Husk, her father, you, and Cherrie who stayed back after the reconstruction of the hotel. Charlie got a quick response from you as per usual, and quickly opened her phone, reading the response. “My friend YN, he’s excited to meet you. He’s kinda been obsessed with the whole fallen angel thing. He’s hoping to get into heaven at some point, but he originally came to in his words, ‘stick his nose in your business’.” Charlie laughed at the recollection of your first arrival, gazing up at the pentagram covered sky. “He sounds kinda nice.” Emily muttered unsure of what she should really think.

“Don’t worry everyone will be nice, it’ll be grea-” Suddenty four demons burst out from an alley, right in front of both Charlie and Emily. Emily immediately jumped back a small shriek emitting from her. Charlie being the kind soul she was, attempting to yank the demons off eachother, reprimanding them for being so stupid, and getting tossed back. Emily watched a few feet back, hand to her mouth watching as Charlie’s demonic form emerged, as she got shoved away once again by the large bore demon.

Charlie was too carried away with the idiocy in front of her, to realise her dear friend was not used to the things residing in hell. And with one foul swoop, silent as a ghost, Emily was whisked up and away, dragged drugged and banged against god only knows what. Her vision was blackened and she knew she was crying but couldn’t control it nor could she properly feel her body.

She couldn’t tell if she was tossed in some cage or whether she was thrashing around a small car but all she knew is that it was a bumpy ride. When it finally stopped, it felt like her body was covered in bruises, she felt her body being dragged up by someone much stronger than her. “Here ya go boss boy.” A light voice hummed, not what she expected to come from someone so strong. There was the wicked smell of smoke invading her nose, making her want to cough and sneeze, however she held it together too afraid of what they do if she suddenly moved or made noise.

There was a long exhale, a breath hit Emily’s blindfolded face and she couldn’t help the recoile that happened when the smell hit her. “What a beauty, mm; she’ll cost a pretty penny y’know. Bring her.” Emily felt claws pick at her chin and then release her. At the beck and call of the man, Emily was taken to another room, this one was less echoey compared to the last, making her feel claustrophobic with the men in the room and cloth on her eyes.

It smelt like incense, cheap perfume, carpet, sex, booze and cigarettes, something Emily was not familiar with at all. Suddenly the arms gripping her, shoved her roughly against a surface, her bounced against it gently, establishing it was more than likely a bed. It was bare nothing but mattress underneath giving her no comfort nor way to hide from prying eyes. She felt cold hands pinch the top of the cloth near her eyebrows, and then the light hit her eyes, causing her to flinch, blinking rapidly.

She tried to bring her hand up to shield her eyes from the light, but found they were bounded by chain or something behind her back. Emily scanned the room in a panic, the room was small, only fit for a bed, a mirror and a few plants and such. It appeared more like a set then a bedroom, the walls were hot pink and furry, the mirror was large and in the shape of a heart, lights surrounding it, the worst part was that it was aimed right at the bed Emily sat on. There was two doors on each side, and near the one on the right closest to Emily was two men. One big beefy man who resembled a shark, and another tall lanky lavender coloured demon. He wore a long red coat, that was spread open, underneath was a black button up, and regular khaki colour suit pants. He wore the ugliest heart glasses paired with the ugliest top hat, and to Emily he was a hideous sight.

Grinning the sickly moth showed off his gold tooth, closing in on Emily’s shrunken down figure. “Look at you kitty, you’ll make such numbers, my pretty little angel.” The demon purred bending down to invade Emily’s space, smoke blowing at her. Coughing slightly, Emily scowled weakly tugging her head away from his cold hand. “I’m not- what’re you talking about?” Emily whispered in horror, standing to full height the moth brushed his clawed hand against his chest, and down. “Oh pretty little thing, you’ll figure it out hm? By the way sweetie, Valentino.” Sticking out the lower arm for a hand shake, he cackled to himself like he was hilarious before pulling it back. “Oops~ I forgot. Silly me!”

The shark behind him laughed like an idiot the two of them observing the way Emily’s body shook with fear, rage, and grief for what may come, tears free falling down her cheeks. “Oh c’mon, you’ll be fine.” The moth tutted, flicking his hand, he turned his attention to the shark whispering to start the cameras and bring in the centipede. As the shark left the room, the power cut out making the moth growl enraged. “What the fuck is this now?!”

Emily flinched back at the tone Valentino took compared to his previous coy tone. Valentino stood awaiting a response, his fists suspended up. Sighing with frustration he began to leave the room. Emily, unable to properly see in the dark of the room, stumbled off the bed tripping slightly.

She watched strobes of lights shoot through the hall, and without a second thought she booked it out the door. She ran down the hall, and turned, a window lighting the hall granted her sight with a staircase, she quickly sped to the stairs walking down cautiously as to not trip. She wished she could spread her wings but with her hands bound she wasn’t able to.

At the bottom of the stairs she followed the red glow of an exit light out a door, and down a creepy hall. The corridor led to a metal door, using her body to push the door open, Emily tripped crashing out of the door and onto her face. She teared up face scratched against the concrete, to the side of her she could hear the sound of demons muttering. Twisting her head to the side she saw two slutty looking demons, one smoking the other drinking. “Oh your Val’s angel, luckyyy. Let’s getcha back inside sugar.” The one with the cigarette said country twang slipping out like molasses.

Emily squealed, inching away awkwardly as her hands couldn’t lift her off the floor, before the two demons could put their hands on her, lightning appeared striking the two in the head. It was as comedic as it was blinding, the two demons sunk to the floor after the strike, Emily teared up turning her face away. You stepped out from the side, panting getting your ass kicked by waves of different demons including Val himself in attempts to find Emily.

You walked up to her shaking figure crouching down, you broke the cuffs with the heat from the lightning you were so generously gifted. “Bad time to meet huh Emily, my names YN, Charlie called me after you got snatched, thankfully she recognized that foul shark.” You explain when Emily turned tearfully up at you, slowly you pulled out your phone, opening a picture you took with both Charlie and Vaggie. “Here’s the proof, I’m a man of many crimes, but never a man of lies.” You say jokingly, trying to relieve the tension, thankfully that seemed to convince her. Looking up at you with diamond like tears across her lashes, she through her arms around your neck sobbing into you.

Gently you wrapped your arms around her, cooing at her softly while combing your fingers through her hair. “S’okay hun, you’re safe now.” You reassure giving her a tight squeeze, your heart breaking at the sight of the angel in your arms. You knew thanks to Charlie she had quite the reality tossed unwillingly in her face, and now she’s here. “Let’s get you to the hotel, okay sweets?” Gently you lifted yourself with her, your anxiety getting to you as you realised you were still in the alleyway where Valentino could get you any second.

Speedily you took off with the angel in your grasp, a block away you’d put her down, as she insisted, but you kept your hand intertwined with hers. She blushed when you took a tight grip, telling her that you wanted to keep her safe.

Once back at the hotel, you messaged Charlie about you being back with her, before turning to Emily. “Make yourself at home, this is the lobby and Charlie should be making her way back soon, once she’s here you’ll be given a room.” You smile at the angel, she reciprocates, her cheeks dusty a hue of purple. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she sheepishly tugged you at the collar pecking your lips with a chaste kiss. “Thank you for saving me.” You grinned at her shy gratitude, and pulled her into a side hug . “No problem.”

[boopboops22]

hello!❕heads up this isn’t a draw request bc ik you have a lot of those rn❕i saw you request chronic pain gon art on twitter and was wondering if you had any thoughts on that au? do you think you’d ever incorporate it in your post canon hxh lore? as someone who is realizing they might have chronic pain i just love the idea of gon having chronic pain after canon. i especially love him having a great support system for it :)

Oh my gosh I'm so happy to hear you also like the hc! I do have a lot of ideas for it actually

Ramblings about the hc below :-)

These are some doodles I did for the idea a little while back. This idea started from me projecting onto Gon losing his nen and seeing it as similar to the disabled experience.

I feel that Gon would have a huge complex about his pain and deny any aid for a while. When he does seek out assistance he treats it like an episodic thing, rather then somthing that is constant. Like, pushing through the pain and his limits for a while until he breaks down, then once he recovers from the break he goes back to pushing himself. In his head his disability is only present in these break downs allowing him to ignore it until it becomes too much. Over time though he would learn better habits and how to not push himself to a breaking point.

For his support system he definitely has so many people there for him!!

When on Whale Island Abe and Mito are the first to encourage him to slow down and be there for him when he's dealing with coming to terms with his pain. I especially think Abe would get on his case for internalized abelism and be the most understanding with him, Mito would be very supportive in caring for him but she wouldn't really understand imo. I feel like she was the one to instill hard working habits into him which can be an unhealthy mindset to keep when disabled.

When it comes to Killua I think that Gon has a bit of a complex over his pain in realtion to Killua. He'd likely wish he could tolerate pain to the extent Killua can and feel inadequate or weak for being bothered to the extent he is by the pain. Also Killua would likely feel even more compelled to protect Gon and Gon the prideful creature he is would feel insulted if Killua got overly protective.

In the end despite those issues and emotional complications, Killua is definitely who Gon would be the most soothed by when in pain and Killua would want to be there to support Gon. I think there's a lot of opportunity for softness between them because of it. Killua catching onto Gon's pain when he's trying to hide it, Gon seeking out Killua as a distraction when it gets bad, there's many cute scenarios.

Gon would absolutely be the worst at dealing with his chronic pain and with it being a side effect after being healed in this au, I think be would feel that he deserved the pain as well. Despite feeling like he deserved it he would hate being less capable from it and cause a lot of issues with his self worth. I think him accepting it with time and then learning how to work with his pain, knowing his limits and when to push them, and actually seeking aid, he would develop a much healthier relationship with his pain. I really love the idea of his character growth being reflected in him learning to take care of his condition!

I'm a person with fibromyalgia and migraines so when I picture what his pain is like and how he goes through it I'm imagining what I experience but in the future for any chronic pain Gon stuff I make I think I might make the pain a little vague so people with different kinds of chronic pain can relate!! As for incorporating this hc into my hxh lore, I'm kinda treating it as it's own au separate from most of my post canon hxh stuff. I have a pretty thorough outline worked out for my post canon lore and I don't want to shoehorn this hc into that so I'm treating it as it's own thing

I hope you gain some comfort in Gon suffering the same as you and getting enviable support from his loved ones, I love living vicariously through fictional characters 🫶

[amphitriteswife]

College students HC’s

Yes I know lookism is highschool stuff n shit but that’s why i’m doing the characters where we haven’t seen them in school

🚬 Probably got held a year back. No it’s not cause he’s stupid. It’s more because he’s doing everything BUT school. If he does pass, it’s not like it’s barely but it’s not necessarily high either. Just eh. Most of his grades range from the ‘60%-80%’ sometimes it’s lower, but it’s always the subjects he don’t give a shit about.

🚬 He spends most of his lunchbreaks smoking somewhere outside school property or in the bathroom. Literally everyone knows he smokes. Even the teachers. And yes they don’t really care, he smokes with them outside too. Even got offered a lighter n stuff

🚬 Economics, math, English, Japanese, p.e, surprisingly biology and science. He has a mix of things but ultimately avoids anything art related. He likes art, he appreciates a good painting or just any form of art. However, he can’t produce art and would rather not have art as a subject.

🚬 He’s that one kid that does one or multiple sports professionally and the school is BEGGING him on their hand and knees to join one of the school’s club. (To promote ) ofcourse he refused.

🚬 prince of the school. Can talk to anyone how he wants to, even teachers. Doesn’t get marked absent even if he is, which is surprisingly less than you’d expect and will even go to the person who handled to absents and stuff to give him a late ticket. Mind you he does this willingly. (He aint a bad student)

🚬 surprisingly eats school lunch??? You’d expect that he goes off campus to eat lunch or dislikes school lunch but that’s actually far from it. He doesn’t have an opinion on school lunch. It’s there. It’s necessary otherwise it wouldn’t be there. It has the bare minimum and he’s fine with that. As long as he can drink his protein drinks with it he’s pretty chill about it. Yes he sits with his….acquaintances (friends)

🚬 The school once called his dad for something and they at first got no one on the phone and they had to try other contacts like his uncle who usually picks up. However this time he also didn’t pick up so they had to call his mom. Bro’s mom went to the school and he had to apologize in front of her.

🚬 doesn’t really attend any school activity unless it’s about sport. If he does, it’s cause he got forced invited by his friends. No he doesn’t like the music. No he doesn’t like the drinks, he prefers protein drinks not cheap alcohol. No he’s not going to prom.

🚬 Ofcourse he rivals with Goo. But it gets at a peak when they both are put against each other in P.E. Even if it’s a team sport, you’ll see the two going for each other’s throat. No it doesn’t matter which sport. So far we had: beach volleyball, hockey, soccer, tennis, climbing, basketball, hiking, boxing, gymnastics, boothcamp, cycling, surfing and the worst of all, sailing. Yes till this day it’s still a tie. Yes they are also known as the iconic duo in the year book.

🚬 actually takes extra classes. Mostly in English, math and maybe something to do with his handwriting cause it’s not that great. All which are paid by his family and yes it’s not in school but some private ahh high end place.

💸 The one student everyone wonders why he hasn’t dropped out yet. Does he suck at school? Yes. Could he easily solve it if he just tried? Yes. Is this going to stop him? No. He just doesn’t see the point in academics. It’s not everything and you shouldn’t be defined by it.

💸 definitely that one student that is at least absent one day in the week. Yes he also skips classes. The teacher’s gave up hope. No he’s never late because if he is he just doesn’t show up at all.

💸 actually an art student (?) he does have economics and geography, but doesn’t like those subjects. He’s only there cause Jonggun is there and he has someone he can talk to. He does have History and that’s his best subject together with art and p.e

💸 That one student that’s always roaming the halls even if he’s supposed to be in class. Did he get sent out or did he just not show up? We don’t know. The school had to put in inspections because he had so many absents and they made him tali to the school therapist to see if something is going on at home.

💸 Probably sells something on campus. Could be everything from candy to drugs. No he is never and never will he caught. Bold to assume he’s actually PHYSICALLY selling them. He has minions.

💸 is part of the party counsel. If you have some outrages but within school budget school party or trip. It’s cause of him. For someone who doesn’t go to school a lot and seems reckless, he actually handles planning stuff very well. It’s one of his hidden talents.

💸 Probably got voted to be a stripper or millionaire in the year book. No in between. Yes he liked it, he voted that on himself too. May or may not have based the school party theme on that.

💸 eats food off campus. He will rather be caught dead than eat cafeteria food. He might get something out the vending machine. But that’s cause he eats in class to piss off the teachers.

💸 Goo’s the type of student that goes to his friend’s school for a dat and forgets his own. He’ll just sneak in or give the information needed to enter the school building, no one knows how he even knows the correct classes, teachers, names ect. But he just does. He joins most of the classed there and befriends random ppl for the day.

💸 Sometimes he joins Jonggun’s class. No Jonggun doesn’t like it. Goo usually distracts Jonggun or caused trouble which ends up with him being asked to leave the class. It’s usually biology and science that he joins. The biology teacher actually liked Goo cause it’s one of the subjects he’s interested in but didn’t want to choose. He likes to learn about animals and evolution and stuff. (Reference to when he was concerned about Ryan, aka eli’s cat, when Jonggun was talking about Hostel)

💸 graduated with a look of surprise (just barely) and didn’t show up to his won graduation. He just did something, already forgetting that he had school. Only found out when he was checking his mails and found a letter with his diploma in the envelope. (Probably put it somewhere and forgot about it)

[icharchivist]

very tmi about me but it's also related to why da4 hit that bad to me.

thing is my mental health is in tatters and it has been for a long while and i'm going to be blunt, i was hard suicidal when the game was announced.

Thing is, DA was always special to me because of the timing in which it entered my life. I mentioned it before but it was a time where i had genuinely no control over my life left, was in an abusive environment that would need micromanaging just to avoid the worst situations, and where the stress had triggered so many health issues i was physically disabled, unable to use my left hand, and had to drop out of school because i couldnt manage both that and the Home's level of stress (and not being able to use my hands kinda doomed me from the art school i was doing at the time).

DA was really the first time i could find myself some agency again, having the feeling that me micromanaging how people reacted to what i said was for something more positive than "being screamed at a little less today" (so when it's to hear the characters say they value your friendship so much by the end? bawling), and it hits on a lot of storybeats i really always was driven to (as i often joke about when i mention my fav band from when i was 13 has so many songs fitting Solas). It indulged so well on my background as an analyst too, it really just hit all the good spots.

And it gave me hope, too. Because there's a lot of stories of abuse in DA that, in the trilogy, all ends with "and you can get out of it". The world of DA is bleak and horrible but there's hope for recovery. there's hope for things to get fixed. You don't have to always be living in a broken state. Yeah the DA setting sucks, but you progressively can make it better with your choices. There's hope in that. In knowing you can have agency, power, to escape from abuse, to find yourself more than who you were twisted into for survival, to make things better. That coming from a broken life doesn't mean you can go on into a less broken future.

(and i'll bring up again how DAI especially destroyed me as a Chronic Pain On Left Hand Killing Me person. The fact i'm still haunted by Sera's codex where she's horrified about it just...)

So honestly my relationship with DA at the time especially was pretty much like being rescued from constant drowning. Sure it doesn't solve everything, my lungs are still aflame, but it really got me out of the water until i could finally leave this place. To me it's a major reason i stayed afloat. There's hope in that.

Waiting for the follow up had been a huge source of reasons why i held on for years. Just the idea i could tune in for da4 and get back to the universe kept me going. I would genuinely tell myself i can't die before it. I held on to my fav characters like a lifeboat, especially to DAI's characters who had come to mean a lot to me.

And you all know how normal I am about Solas (and can imagine that after saying I was isolated and constantly micromanaging how i talked to never trigger a crisis, I definitely related a lot to this sense of loneliness and this feeling of, he can't actually talk about the things he knows because he expects violence (like the one he received meeting the Dalish clans he mentions early on) so he has to be careful with every of his words to get an outcome that will cause the least of damages. While also remaining calm because anger isn't an option. Adding to the general vibe that my parents always made clear i shouldn't talk about a lot of things that happened in my life, but i don't like lying, so i've spent my life dancing around topics without fully lying, i'm like. I get him.)

But yeah the problem with that is that eventually we had no news for years and i have up lol. I followed everything that came out after DAI came out -- i watched Absolution on its release day, i read Tevinter Nights multiple times, i tuned in for every single comics despite not finding them that interesting. I read and caught up on *everything* ever attached to the DA IP. I even read halfway through the TTRPG book just to see if there was more to take from it. I read the cookbook for crying out loud. Who read the fucking cookbook.

but eventually there were no news anymore and i was tired.

Life is both easier than it used to be and have more challenges, and I have massive CPTSD that i've only been able to fully start to treat last year, and according to my therapists i'm in full "Post" of the Post stress disorder that is to say, that when you're too busy trying to survive you don't process everything that happened fully, and now that after nearly three decades I finally am no longer in survival mode, my brain came completely crashing down with all the stuff i have never dealt with when i was busy surviving.

So the last year have been extremely difficult. On another hand, i'm medicated, i have weekly therapist appointment and monthly psychiatrist appointment, i've been considered a case in crisis because i'm on a dangerous edge. I'm doing better, there's a lot of things I actually managed to fix in my life, the fact i'm medicated helps a lot, therapy helped me fix my relationship with my sister which i never thought was possible... But on the other, it's still so damn hard. Family is still its constant problems. I don't have proper restful nights because of CPTSD indulced nightmares. It's just hard.

When DA4 was announced last summer, i was genuinely doing so. so bad. I had given up on waiting. But once the trailer dropped and we had the date i just knew I Had To Live, For This. That i was lucky i managed to keep myself alive for so long now, just so i could play DA4. silly, but it's a reason to keep going.

So i worked harder on my therapy. A few months later is when i fixed my relationship with my sister. I was so excited i was finally motivated to do things. The few months that led to DA4 were some I was the most motivated to stay alive i've ever been since perhaps when i first played the DA games.

There were many discussions with my therapists then of "and after?" and "and what if the game is bad?" but i refused to think about it because my god for once i had something to keep me going, yaknow.

That's also why i tried so hard to be positive playing the game. So hard to see the bright sides, so hard to find things that would make me appreciate it more. I would be in denial everytime something didn't go my way.

But eventually the ending happened. I played all of act 3 in one day and i just thought. That's such a stupid game.

The conclusion to Solas' story upsetted me so much because of *waves hand* that all my therapists heard about it in depth now 😭 save me i'm a parody of myself.

But joking aside. It did genuinely feel like a blow to me.

A character defined for being lonely being mocked and punished with an eternity of loneliness to fix a mess left behind by his abuser who coerced him into being part of it. His careful wording retconned into full lying, and none of his words or suffering ever taken seriously. 3 stories of Abuse in the game and all of them ends with "actually Mother knew best, so don't fight against her."

And then more things upon reflection, like the lack of actual agency in the game, of no choice really mattering, of realizing Rook barely feels like a friend to this "found family", that you are accomplishing nothing because the story is set on a path of "everything will be good to you promise" that in the end it has no value whatsoever.

Nothing to believe in. No future to look forward to. Just restoring the old world like it has always been, as cruel as you remember it, because change to heal this wound would be too devastating otherwise.

Like staying into a survival mode to not experience the brutal way your brain will crash once you're finally alive for the first time in your life.

And the ending was framed as a good thing. As healing Solas from his regrets. To have his abuser tell him he needed to stop everything he started doing rebelling against her, and instead he should go be locked up to clean her mess.

It was devastating to me. It was so anti-thetical to the things that made connect into this plot on a personal level. It felt suffocating. It felt like being punished for fighting back. for hoping for a better future.

I genuinely did spend two weeks laying on my sofa, unable to do anything but staring at the ceiling, thinking about DA. I cried myself to sleep over how frustrated i was about it.

It feels so silly to say all of that over a video game. But i was purely in a state of shock.

such a shock that i admit i was wavering between killing myself and not even thinking about doing so because i felt too hollow to even feel alive enough to think there was anything left to kill.

I started to read other people being mad at the game to at least feel less crazy about it. Like i'm not the only one to think it fumbled itself so hard, right? right? I needed to find opinions that matched mine, somehow.

I was mutual with someone in the da fandom who really loved da4 and hated people bad talking it. I didn't want to post negativity for their sake, but eventually i posted something a little more cutting about the ending... and i realized i got blocked. And when i visited the blog just to be sure it was because i was blocked and not because they deleted or something, i found posts saying "if you don't like da4 you really need to check out for therapy, and i'm serious, because there must be something seriously wrong with you to not realize that the theme of the story is about healing from grief and moving on, and you probably never felt true grief before so you don't understand why it's a good thing."

and like. Not lying, this is still haunting me LMAO. I spent months trying to hold back my complains because i didn't want to rain on anyone's parade, but then a person blocked me for being mildly negative (it was a throwaway joke too about just "Solas should have tore down the veil and probably will do so in a few years when Rook is dead. trust." it wasn't even a serious complain???) and when i go to check in because i'm legit worried I read this shit. (blocking people you disagree with, esp when they follow you, is fine! this wasn't part of the problem! if i hadn't seen this post i would have just shrugged like "oh well, i get it.". It's seeing this specific post that made it feel insulting.) Kinda radicalize you into going "don't hold back on your bad feelings because the people who will look down on you for them are likely not even worth it.".

SO. ANYWAY. this is when i started to complain a lot more freely ngl lol.

But my point is... i'm not feeling good either. It's still hard to figure out why i'm still alive. I'm holding on to my anger and spite because it's all i have left, and it at least helps reminding me of why the first three games worked on me so much, and it still makes DAI a sanctuary i can safely return to.

For now at least my anger is fuelling me enough that complaining means i think less about Bad Things because at least i can properly process my emotions.

And many stuff happened in my life which means i have external reasons not to die. not exactly emotional motivation but like... so my sister is pregnant, since she's worried for her health i'm petsitting her cat until the end of the pregnancy, so it means my sister relies on me and if i die tomorrow it'll be very unconveniant for her. And her relationship is unstable atm so there's also the whole "my sister will need support when the baby is born so i have to be alive for her.". and it's what is keeping me going atm.

But not gonna lie?

One of the first thing i thought when i finished DA4, and that i think about regularly, is that it would have been better if i died before the game came out. This way I wouldn't have had to dealt with this whole mess and still would have my heart full for this.

I feel like i missed my window in a way because i was really hopeful about this game. It's very frustrating.

and of course like. I know if you're reading this you're probably thinking it is a good thing, and it is, and maybe in years i'll also look fondly back on how it kept me going in some way.

But if anything i am so frustrated that it locked me into this thoughtpattern.

because i believed in the game and i wanted it to be good so damn bad, man. And now i feel like i would have been better not playing it and it made me lose my shot.

So there's a lot of personal frustration going on in all of this. I wish i could say it's just a game and i can move on, but unfortunately i have Issues and this game pressed exactly on those.

Now at least complaining about it does help ease the wound a little, and i just started a supplementary medication so hey, maybe i'll be more emotionally stable sooner than later enough and it will all look like a bad dream.

But as for now, well. Turns out keeping on bitching can be reason enough to hold on in life. That's what matters.

But that's why i'm extra spiteful about DA4. for the Extra Personal Lore that isn't focusing fully on the text, but instead focusing on my feelings as a person, for a change.

[themayorautumn]

marry me?

in all seriousness it means the world to me that you're interested 😭 i spent years thinking about these guys and their world and it makes me so so happy when i'm able to share that with other people.

i'll use this as an opportunity to yap a bit more: yeah jo and charlie's dynamic is more or less the main focus of the story, because it's based on charlie's fear of emotions and how he avoids them at all cost. falling in love with jo is terrifying to him, which becomes the main driving force behind him falling into his addiction even more (to avoid being sober at all times) and solidifies his belief of "emotions are a human flaw and we should get rid of them". obviously jo being a cop is also problematic, since he's simultaneously constantly torn between confiding in her and having her join his cause, vs hiding everything away to not be.. you know, arrested.

jo loves him too, but she's conflicted. she's very devoted to her job, especially since she wasn't born into it like most of her peers. she had a very difficult childhood, as it says there, having spent her childhood in the "port side" of bellacy. it's basically where they hide away all things that aren't glamorous and a consequence of this highly elitist system- the people that the Standing claims to defend and protect at all cost cast away because they don't fit their standard. the main city is a textbook example of prosperity and order: beautiful streets, conserved history of both cultures, a working education/health/public service system which makes it all run so smoothly on the surface. except the parts they sweep under the rug.

jo was born in this part of the city and grew up with her dad, who was an addict (alcoholic, and a gambler) who lost all his money and blamed their poverty on the "system", which jo, as a young child, believed. she was oblivious to the main reason for their struggles and was thus devastated when her dad claimed he wasn't able to take care of her anymore when she was 12/13 and dropped her off to a shelter for orphaned children. she had the worst years of her life there (which is also where she lost her left eye) and wanted desperately to get out somehow.

she met a man when she was 17 who took her in as his own daughter, and funded her to go to the academy to get into the Standing. having been given this "second chance", she's very grateful and therefore devoted to her duty as a police officer. she lives by strict rules in her life- doesn't act on a sense of "wanting to help people", but a sense of justice and the responsibility she's been given.

charlie is the polar opposite of her. to give some background on him, he was born in praiville which can be summarized as the "rich french city of art and science". his family was very well off with his dad being a pharmacist/chemist (which is how he gets into that field) and his mom being a lawyer in the Standing. he also had an older brother who was the golden child of their family who, due to having workaholic/neglectful parents, pushed himself constantly to do well academically/get into the Standing just like his mom. charlie found this extremely foolish of him, and instead of striving to get his parents' approval like his brother did, he pushed back against them, learned chemistry from his dad, and left the house at 16 to start a life for his own. that's how he got into the street drug business, as he's also a huge charmer/whore.

back in present day, when jo meets charlie, the stone cold view she has on life falters. he shows her how to have fun and let loose, how being in higher society isn't all that glamorous with how miserable he was as a child. she opens up to the idea that maybe the law shouldn't be as set in stone as it is, and not everything has to be black and white. also, as stated, she loves charlie and can't get herself to turn him in when she learns about what he does for "work". they change each other, for better and for worse.

there are many more details but i don't want to give away the whole story here lol. if anyone read the entire thing i love you

[sno4wy]

Did you seriously drop that much money to try to make your awful ship more valid? Guess what? You didn't, hope you enjoyed wasting a ton of money. It doesn't matter how much money you pay, you and your lame friends will always be the only ones who prefer your fugly builder with Miguel. Just give it up and go jump off a bridge already.

Hey Anon, based on the three messages you sent me today, it seems that my sharing of my commission from Momodeary in the official Pathea Discord server really upset you. Your rage felt really familiar to me, and I thought about this a lot about why. I'm going to hazard a guess that you're lashing out at me more than usual because of the price aspect, especially for something that seems so frivolous. I get it -- I grew up in abject poverty, and I harbored a lot of rage about it both directly and indirectly for many years. It really sucks not having the money to do what you need, or even what you want, and it can feel like having salt rubbed into the wound when someone else shows off some pricey non-necessity that they got. Everyone deserves to get what brings them joy, as long as it isn't something that causes harm to others, and it sucks that capitalism/corporations/societal structure/etc make most people unable to attain that. I sincerely hope that things improve for you.

I'm fortunate now to do well enough for myself that I can afford a pricey commission like the one that I shared. I got the commission because I like Momodeary's art style, it's not a style that I see myself personally doing, and I'm making it up to myself now for all the things that I couldn't do in the past. I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to say it was to support the artist, as she has tons of clients and certainly didn't need my money, I'm really lucky to have been able to get a slot with her. If you have the means to do so and want to, I really suggest contacting her directly -- the worst thing she can say is no, but more likely is that she'll put you on an (admittedly long) waitlist. The point is, if you're upset about not being able to get a commission from her, don't write it off until you try. Worse comes to worst, she can't fit you in, but there are tons of skilled artists out there with similar styles that you can commission instead. It's ok though if you have your heart set on Momodeary, most artists are very accommodating as long as the client is understanding and willing to wait.

If your anger has to do with not being able to afford a commission from Momodeary, I'm really sorry about that. There are some ways that I can help, if not directly to get you a commission, but perhaps means to address the funds shortage issue. I managed to claw my way out of poverty, and in the process picked up more than a few ideas and tricks, however at the end of the day, there is no magical get rich quick scheme, and everything that you hear about how to find a job is sadly mostly true. For instance, a good resumé is an integral part to finding a job, and a big part of what makes a resumé good is proper formatting. Having gone from someone who sent out hundreds of resumés to someone who's had to review hundreds of resumés, I can tell you that so much of the time, it's a lot less about the contents of the resumé and more about its appearance. Countless qualified, heck, overqualified, people get turned down for positions because their resumés don't even get looked at. I'm happy to look over a resumé if you'd like, and of course I'd understand if you need to anonymize most of it before showing me. Please note that it is sadly the case that having a good resumé, or in many cases, all the correct qualifications, don't necessarily guarantee you a job. Connections are at least, if not more, important, so don't be shy about asking for help from friends and family in this aspect.

Finding and securing a job can be a long-term project though, so picking up some side hustles might be a good way to generate some income, especially as you can keep these side hustles after finding a job. A lot of people have even done so well with their side hustles that they were able to make them into their careers. I'm happy to make suggestions, but I'm afraid that my knowledge is chiefly confined to the US and my ideas may not be applicable or workable in other countries. I have found however that a fairly universal way to generate some income via a side hustle is through selling crocheted items. Crochet is very quick and easy to learn and master, and yarn is very cheap, especially if you get store brands like Joann's Big Twist. Red Heart Super Saver is also very cheap yarn that comes in a ton of colors. There are countless free patterns on the internet, and ones that aren't free tend to be pretty cheap, generally within the $5 range. It is totally legal to sell the stuff you make from purchased patterns; some patterns even explicitly state that this is the case. The best part about crochet is that you can do it while doing other stuff, like commuting to your job, watching a show, listening to music, etc. It's totally possible to churn out a ton of crochet animals (amigurumi) in one day. Dipping into fandom stuff by making characters from a certain franchise is a great way to sell crochet products. Another really cool thing is that there doesn't currently exist a way for crocheted items to be mass produced; while there are items that look crocheted, they're actually sewn together pieces and not true crochet. Machines can't currently make crocheted items. Buyers looking for real crochet products want something that only a human can make.

Online marketing tools are also pretty solid. Etsy is the way to go for handmade crafts, although they do take a pretty hefty fee (15%). You can try to cut down on that fee by listing on your own social media, in which case you'd still have to pay a 3-5% handling fee for payment processors, and it can be a pain trying to beat social media algorithms. If you're handy with TikTok, that's a great way to boost awareness of your brand, and you can use those same videos as Reels on Instagram and Facebook to get your accounts noticed faster.

If you're an artist, you could of course always try to go the commissions route, but I've found that this is a much harder uphill battle than trying to break into the scene marketing crochet goods. If you do decide to give crochet a shot, I really recommend investing in a quality hook -- Clover Armour is many crocheters' go-to. They are pricy, around $9 for a hook, but they last forever and they're super comfortable to use. You only need one to start -- I recommend the size G (4.0 mm) one, as that goes with the most common yarn weight for a lot of amigurumi. Big Twist and Red Heart Super Saver are also both Worsted weight yarn, for which you use a G hook. If this is something you really want to do but are really tight on funds, I'm happy to get one of those hooks for you, just tell me how to get it to you.

I have a lot of other ideas for possible side gigs, which all will require a lot of work, but will return income. However, I'd just be spitballing, so hit me up if you want to talk shop. You know where to find me. ;P