#art imitates life imitates art

[canis-lunaris]

So about a forever ago I accidentally realised I was trans while watching a Marauders fan video by my partner's cousin's cosplay troup.

Inspired by the experience, I took up cosplaying and immersive roleplay as a means of exploring my identity and recovering from some nasty trauma. The above pictures are some of my early days, wearing a wig and outfits I didn't quite possess the confidence to pull off out of character yet.

But still, I love looking back on these pics, because the cocky poses and sultry looks of my normally awkward, newly-out self (put on as they may have been back then), clearly foreshadow the trajectory of my mind's liberation. Back then, I didn't think I could, didn't think I was allowed to look and feel as cool as I did when I was someone else, to be campy and cringe without shame, to grow my hair out, cover myself in home-made tattoos and dress like the hero of a teen vampire flick, just because I wanted to.

Sufficie to say, I was wrong.

So here we are, an eternity plus 18 months of HRT later. I'm firmly in my 30's, living my best life. I'm on full-time disability, which allows me to teach myself tattooing and other things I've always wanted to learn but thought I had no chance to do... I bought myself a crappy old scooter I can ride without a license, and pretend it's a motorcycle. I have a home and a family that loves and accepts me, just the way I am. I have a brilliant therapist who taught me that there is no such thing as being 'broken beyond repair'. Life is good.

Oh, and just for fun, here's the comparison strip to bring this rambling the full circle... This is me today. Not posing for a character shoot, just looking the way I like to these days.

[headcrabrave]

that heart attack grill restaurant in las vegas is the kind of shit you'd see in the medical pavilion from bioshock

[ihavedeclaredwaronthemoonxx]

people are talking about the fact that kristen still has tracker’s name tattooed on her neck but i’ve never seen anyone mention that fact that ally also has the name of their ex girlfriend tattooed on their neck

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#Life Imitating Art Or Some Shit Like That

[ghostpajamas]

what do i caption this .

[ace-lemonade]

why is everyone's first impression of him like this bro

[cherrybaby17]

[ahsteria]

kom ombo temple (47 BCE) / subway hands (2021, 2023) / persepolis, iran (330 BCE)

[barbie-gurls-world]

(untitled)

"so, what's holding you back?" You asked me that question for the nth time. It must be the effect of the four cocktails you drank earlier. We were out with colleagues,  celebrating a job well done. This particular multicoloured cocktail caught your attention, because its rainbow colors were celebratory and you felt we should celebrate our team's success. Nevermind that it was a potent mix, you were in a too-good mood to care about it. The spirits were high, the alcohol helped us gain clarity to talk about the team's next project. I think the spirit of the drink got to your head so much, I couldn't stop you from repeating your question. We're now seated in the train on our way back to the city. This is going to be a long 12-hour ride if you keep pestering me like this. "dude, we've been friends forever, and you can't answer this question? Really, what's keeping you here? What's holding you back? You've been planning your exodus, you've processed your papers, but you're still here. So really, why are you still here, when you know you can leave?" True, we've been friends for a long time. We were schoolmates, though we really didn't start as the best of friends. We only gravitated to the same crowd towards senior year, when college took its toll on most of our classmates and whittled our numbers to a selected few, which forms pretty much our group of friends. I remember how our group bonded over books and booze and hanging out. Those among our group later on went to med school, others went abroad, one got married, the other just got engaged, and here we are, you and i, left at this side of the world. In a profession such as ours, moving away is the best course of action for career development. For a while I thought you too were going away when you worked in a different city for two years. Here you are now, working with me in this project. I can't believe how you got here, how you took my joke seriously and applied for this job. You said you were burnt-out, you said you wanted more from life, that's why you took the opportunity. I look at you for a moment, your brown eyes sparkling in the dark as you gazed out the window. I guess I've never seen you in this light before. The train started moving, causing the moonlight to play on your face. I couldn't help staring at you, how much has changed, yet remained the same. "yes? You want to say something? How do you even manage to keep quiet when I keep asking you the same question?" You broke the trance that I was in. I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled. "Just... Because..." "Just because what?" "..." "Just because...?" "..." "Ugh. Why do I even bother talking to you? "Hmpf. "You're never the secretive kind, but you're not budging this time around. You better prepare your answer when I wake up. Goodnight." With your seat reclined and your blanket pulled, you drifted to sleep. Like your pet dog that you love to talk about, I watched over you. What's holding me back, you ask? Years ago, I thought you were gone when you moved to that city. I would have wanted to follow you, but I had to make sure my siblings were taken care of. Leaving my job was too risky. I thought I lost you when you told me how you started dating this guy that you met at work. How your eyes beamed with joy talking about him. I loved seeing your eyes sparkle with life as you talked about your future with him. Your passion shows when your eyes shine, and I loved to see your eyes sparkle. I thought I lost you when your world crashed the day that guy left you. I thought I lost you when you said that your sister was battling a disease, waging an impossible war with her illness. What's holding me back, you ask? It's this 12-hour ride that I share with you, knowing that this train ride isn't the most comfortable ride yet you chose to ride this because it's for the best for our project. It's your persistence to get what you want, how I look forward to you pestering me with the same question until something more important gets your attention. It's the moments when you and I work together to reach success. What's holding me back? Knowing that we are the best of friends and how this is all that we are. (Written 29 Nov 2015)

[em1ree]

ppl need to acknowledge that ya tony is an alcoholic but lets be fuckin for real and understand that he definitely had a coke addiction in the 80s a la RDJ

[moonssugar]

i joked about sam being sent to the sea for his health but im realizing i did the exact same thing last month and my mental health has improved

[toherlover]

life imitates art or something like that

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

Mur Murs (Agnès Varda, 1981)

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

+Bonus

[ingravinoveritas]

Michael and David are "so strong and so real and true." This is fine. I'm fine...

[terriblerealestateagentphotos]